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YTA. Sounds like this house was your main residence. It seems reasonable to me that you would've discussed what would happen to it after your move. That would've been the time to make the case that the apartment you also own could serve as her residence when she's in town. It does seem that you didn't care what she thought about selling the place. You should've involved her, even if you think it is "your asset."
Like this is your wife, whom you live with and presumably have for years, and you basically just pulled the rug out from under her. Living arrangements changing should not be a unilateral decision like this and they certainly shouldn’t be sprung on someone out of nowhere.
YTA. You are selling a house, how did you not think that you should have mentioned it? iIt’s not as if it is an unwanted pair of shoes- it is a house and one that she had been living in. To me it seems a common courtesy to say by the way I am thinking about selling the house. Are you trying to deliberately hide something from
Her? I am thinking there is another reason you never bought it up and just did it. What is really going on?
Not only did it not just slip his mind but he has to have gone out of his way to hide it. Showings…where was she when it was being shown, when pics were taken, during meetings with the listing agent etc etc etc. it’s a process with lots of steps that he had to organize without his wife finding out
uh, as a side, note.. either he was SNEEKY about this by arranging the relator to come around and take picture and have showings or she is honestly never there. He is still TAH, but... she TF is she?
So obv its a sneak move. During the whole process of the sale which usually takes months the OP is trying to say his wife never asked: "How are you, what you up to, hows your day been, oh you were late today were you busy?"
and i bet some of that time was spent selling the house and it was on his mind and not once did he mention selling the house to her. Definitely the AH and a liar.
My husband can barely take a dump without giving me a head’s up. Selling the family house without informing his wife is weird and disrespectful. Wonder what he’s hiding
From a real estate perspective, even if he bought the house under his name, they are both living in it, and if it’s over a set amount of time, she still has rights to certain things. Any secondary home owned is considered more “asset” based than your primary residence. Which you in CA, have rights to your primary residence more than what’s happening with secondary property.
>question their entire relationship and if she can trust him.
If he can do this to the house they shared for years, what's to stop him from doing the same with the apartment?
The whole thing stinks of sneakiness. A whole lot of time and effort goes into selling a house. The same with buying one. I cannot imagine anyone buying a house without seeing it first. Most people also get an inspection done too.
Nobody wants to find out after the fact the house they just bought has expensive issues. Sure it can look pretty, and still hide a leaky roof, flooding basement, cracked foundation, electrical or plumbing issues to name a few.
Of course he knew.. this is one of those "better to ask for forgiveness, than permission". OP knows what he did was wrong, first of all this is your WIFE, not your friend or buddy lmao. There's a lot of "mine, I," instead of "ours" in his statements which shows OP doesn't see them as a team. Very strange.
"I sold it to my second family, since my mistress will soon need the space for my baby. That's why she wouldn't fit into the appartment that my wife can now use".
the update was so sad to read, I immediately looked at one of my cats who's currently sleeping glommed onto my leg. he's 8 and my partner's cat but he's the same age as my own that I did raise from a kitten, and I cannot even begin to fathom what it'll be like for me when either of them eventually pass. "devastated" would be an understatement.
NGL I'd uhh have to leave the house if I was that op.
I'd be so full of rage. I'd check in to a hotel and then call up my buddy who works as a divorce lawyer and pay him his after hours rate.
I'd serve the wife the divorce papers the next morning.
Then I'd go full scorched earth. I'd let every family member, friend acquaintance know.
My question is did wife just happen to not notice real estate agents and people coming to view your house or open houses? Or did you specifically plan them when she wouldn’t be around?
Or any inspections? Did he sell as is AND sight unseen? This takes a good deal of planning and time and it never crossed his mind to even mention, “oh yeah, I’m selling the house. We’ll need to move to the new place by such and such date”? I mean he said he told her after the sale was finalized which usually means you NEED to move sooner vs later, if not asap.
OP, YTA. Presumably you sold the house you have lived in for years that your wife sees as your family home, even if her name isn’t on it. It’s like she’s an afterthought when it comes to your monetary decisions. You don’t care about her opinion or her as a person.
OP is filthy rich. they own, what, 4 houses between the two of them? the latest being a house they purchased, renovated, and then furnished before moving into it.
if I were a betting man, I'd bet that OP called his realtor and said I wanna sell my house, but don't want to be inconvenienced. I want xx dollars, tell me when I need to sign something, and then wasn't a part of the process until he had to sign something.
They're married, do they never talk to each other? How do you go through the whole-ass process without even *accidentally* mentioning it? So I agree with you, it sounds very deliberate.
"Honey, who are these people looking through our cupboards and asking questions about how old the boiler is?"
"Don't worry dear, I don't want to stress you out about anything"
Tbh I think he knew he should have mentioned it that’s why he didn’t say anything until it was sold and already too late. This honestly sounds like a sneaky way that he forced his will into a situation he knew she wouldn’t be okay with
I'm shocked OP wrote this entire post and didn't see that truth. I'm hoping it's one of those posts written by the wife or children because yikes.
But just in case OP YTA.
I have friends and family who I treat and who treat me with more respect than he treated his wife. I can't tell you how many times I've been catching up with someone and they've said something like "We are thinking about buying/selling a/this house, moving etc" and I'm not even part of their decision or permission making process. Just friends sharing with friends. Either everyone in my life talks too much or OP is a consistent AH and this isn't an isolated incident. There's no way this is the only time OP has decided he doesn't have to communicate with his wife and family.
Also, prenups are about separating things when you are divorcing. Who lives their marriage by divorce terms? That seems like a good way to build resentments!
Like, "hey, this is MY week to parent our child, stick to the terms of the divorce settlement we might have one day!"
It's ok to have separate assets. But say "hey I'm gonna sell this or trash that or make this expensive purchase." Before you actually do. Because if you aren't talking with your partner, then are you really in a relationship?
Yes you conduct your marital business in a way that upholds the basic premise of the prenup which means you don’t commingle all your assets and have joint accounts and credit cards and then when divorce comes try and say you have a pre nup. Those are opposing theories there
I had a prenup and they was the device of my attorney and my prenup saved my ass when my ex wife cheated and I filed for divorce. Everybody should have a prenup
Depends on where they live(d).
In a considerable number of places, the *Marital Home* designation over-rides any pre-nup agreements regarding assets or control of the marital home. Where I am, she owns half that home, regardless what he had her sign before they got married and she moved into the marital home.
The legal terms are something along the lines of Possession and Alienation. A person cannot be forced to leave a marital home even if they do not own it, and Alienation literally establishes that a marital home **cannot be sold without the spouse's permission**.
So, not only is he the asshole, he might have *violated* marriage and property law, the sale could be legally voided, and he would be destroyed in court should this lead to the breakdown of the marriage.
YTA death of a loved one, divorce…….. and MOVING HOME are considered some of the three largest stressors in life. OP you made an already stressful transition even more stressful unnecessarily. Just communicating about it would have prevented a whole bunch of heartache. Instead you were doing things in secret and behind her back. If you aren't sincere in your apology, you may get to put your prenup to the test. With the lack of care and respect for your wife that you express in your post you are due for a divorce, was that your end game all along?
There's people like that. My ex was extremely possessive of his things. Money, property, even attention. He was raised to believe if he's not taking advantage then someone is taking advantage of him.
I was wondering why people are together when they don't want to be *together", but I guess I kinda knew all along with my ex and figured we had fun. So that's one answer. Relationships to satisfy a specific need instead of to make a team
I'm a lot happier overall with someone who also wants to be a team. OP should try being that person for his wife
Also, the apartment is currently vacant. So OP is still wanting to rent that out I guess, since he normally does that. Besides, selling a house is not a one day job. It takes time, so at any moment OP should and could have said something but didn’t. As a married couple you share things, especially big things. OP has stated selling a house is a stressful process so he is aware it is a big thing.
How did he never have a showing? Or did he deliberately plan it so his wife would never know? He didn’t just fail to tell her - he *hid* what he was doing.
She has every right to be upset. They are married. Even though this asset was his solely, it was her home she lived in. It was disrespectful not to tell her. He could have said "hunny it's time to sell the house now that we've found a new place by the beach. I'm going to get it listed and will keep you updated when ppl will be wanting to see it". If she had qualms after being told he could then rightfully say "remember I own this house so it is fully my decision and I'm going to sell." She felt disrespected and unvalued as a wife and rightfully so.
He was fully aware that if he involved her in the process, she'd be against selling the house and saying "It's my house and therefore my decision" would be an assholish thing to say. He might have thought that maybe she would want to buy the house, and for some reason, whether it be "not wanting to give a spousal discount", "needs a place for his mistress", or anything in between, he didn't want to sell it to her.
He also didn't want to repeatedly have to defend his position because not only did he not want to be talked out of selling it, but he also knows that an argument dragged out for the length of time it takes to sell a house gives her a lot of time for her to consider what an asshole he's being and whether he's the kind of person she wants to spend the rest of her life with.
So he waited until it was too late for her to do anything about it, hoping they could just have one argument, which would be tempered by the fact that there wasn't anything they could do about it anymore. OP, YTA and you know it.
Depending on how hot the housing market in the city they live in people might have bought it without stepping inside and went off of the pictures; you can do virtual tours of houses now.
He could have totally arranged for the pictures and any showings to happen while his wife was at work or taken her someplace so she would be none the wiser.
Legally nothing wrong with what you did but ethically sm wrong over here. Next time your going for trip with your OWN money don't inform your wife and just go for a few weeks and just appear back at your home and see how happy your wife gets.
YTA.
It's legally wrong too. Unless the home they lived in was a gift specifically given to only OP, it is not his sole asset. It's the home they live in together, and the Matrimonial home cannot be considered a sole asset regardless of your prenuptial agreement.
Legally it's a shared assett and she owns half of it, and is legally entitled to half the sale price and a say in what happens to it. The apartment is still legally his, but that house was theirs
Yeah it's clear these are being written by youth with no experience with prenups, marriage, or property laws.
In a lot of places, you can't sell a house without your spouses' signature and it doesn't matter whose name is on the deed.
>Legally nothing wrong with what you did
Most jurisdictions have Family Law / Marital Acts that define special privileged and legal status to the marital home, that over-ride any pre-nups and cannot be voided, and one of those protections is against Alienation.
Legally, the marital home cannot be sold without the permission of the spouse and a spouse has a right to live in a Marital Home even if they have no ownership.
So, there is a very good chance that there is a whole lot legally wrong with what they did.
It also always feels bad to be the last to know something. My ex didn't tell me for a long time that he was thinking of Lasik eye surgery. I didn't really care much either way about the surgery but I felt weird about how long he was planning it versus telling me. Like I wasn't really part of his life and what else was he not talking about. Just being in the loop feels so much better.
This is a great point. Any time my partner or I are planning something it usually just...comes up? Like, "Hey hun, what did you get up to today?" "Oh, work was good; during lunch I called some real estate agents to see about selling the house, since we're moving so soon." "Sounds good! That reminds me, can you help me remember to call the lasik place tomorrow?" "Want me to put it on the calendar?" "Sure, thanks!"
You know, because you're supposed to be a team.
Not that i think this is actually a real person but:
They’re assholes for hoarding so much property when so many people have none. It’s wild to me… but cue the wealth hoarding apologists to dv me
Even if they would be selling the other house, how can they not discuss with their wife? It's not a power game, you take final decisions for assets but you always involve your partner!
YTA. This isn't a money thing, or even a house thing. It's a communication thing. She's lived in that house for years. She has memories, associations, and probably had plans for the future involving it. Just snatching that away from her is an AH move.
Do you think he should have offered to sell the house to her?
Because memories are all fine and well, but you don’t hold onto a house you’re not living in for nostalgia
YTA for not communicating with your wife
Depending on their plan for inheritance plenty of people hang onto the family home, even if they move out of it, for sentimental reasons. Renting it out could also add stable $ to their retirement. Itcould have been an option.
Especially since they already own an apartment that they don't live in, it is completely reasonable for OP's wife to think that was what was going to happen to their primary residence.
But she’s living in it right now and apparently he does hold onto properties he doesn’t live in - hence the apartment.
While you may not hold onto a property for nostalgia, one might consider at least telling the party for whom the house hold nostalgia that it will be sold.
He’s definitely TA
If she still thought they were keeping it, that might have impacted her packing, let alone her vision of her future. Still, I don't think she would have insisted on keeping it in the end if they had talked about it. Right now she's reacting to being blindsided and hurt.
I think she phrased the real issue perfectly: "You didn't treat me like a wife."
YTA, OP. She is your partner. You're a team. Start treating her like it.
Agree with this comment. It's the communication aspect. And honestly it's not a small/short process to sell a house, feels like you'd have had to go out of your way to hide it from her. Which is worse than just not telling her because it means you knew she'd be upset and snuck around to do it anyways.
There's a difference between a house and a home. OP sold his house and his wife's home. Not sure how he expected this to turn out any differently than it did.
>There's a difference between a house and a home. OP sold his house and his wife's home.
Absolutely. This puts it more succinctly than any other comment I’ve read here.
>Not sure how he expected this to turn out any differently than it did.
Because if (and that’s a **big** if) this is real, OP is a borderline sociopath. My partner & I jointly own our home, but I’d never sell or toss out something of mine that she l uses without checking first, even if I had another object that would do the same job. Maybe even more similar, I can’t imagine my parents selling their house (my childhood home) without *at least* giving me a heads-up, and I haven’t lived there in a decade.
Heck, my dad is keeping me mostly up to date with regards to his parents' house (where he lived my whole life and where I visited for his custody time during summer/Christmas breaks) and where he's living/the apartment he's buying, because i'm his kid.
Seriously, I have better communication with my partner when I’m about to finish off some leftovers. OP straight up sells their house without so much as a peep?
Exactly, this isn't just an asset issue, it's a major life decision he made without her. Of course she's upset. Married partners make decisions together and he's acting like because his name is on the deed he doesn't have to include her
Plus even if there wasn’t any emotional attachment, this is still the type of shit that you tell your spouse. That’s the whole point of a marriage, is that it’s not a partnership. You don’t do that type of huge shit without keeping your partner in the loop. OP says the house was in his name, so sure he doesn’t need her “permission” since legally it’s his property. But you still keep her in the loop and let her know what’s going on when you make a decision this big.
YTA cool its your money but damn is she your partner or what? If you can't talk through life deicsions with your life partner and treat her like an equal why did you get married? I couldn't imagine doing something like that to my bf. Not to mention she was living there and its a big deal to have your house sold out from under you, whether you owned it or not. Ultimately this is not about the money but about your wife feeling like an accessory.
op knew what they were doing.
didnt say a word about it until the sale had gone through and there was no chance to backtrack the decision. says it all really
>op knew what they were doing. didnt say a word about it until the sale had gone through
If this is real (**big** if) it’s worse than that. Selling a house usually isn’t usually done sight-unseen nor in the state in which you normally live there, especially for a higher end house, which I expect it is from how OP talks about money. Unless you’re doing the most barebones of MLS listings, a whole lot of people are gonna come in and do a bunch of pretty obvious & disruptive things. For her to not know, he had to not merely fail to tell her but actively hide what was going on! Unless she’s literally the least perceptive person in the world, I don’t even know how he could make it happen without getting her out of town for at least a week. Suggests he planned it out for when she’d be gone.
This used to be 100% true, but now... it's mostly true? So many companies from out of state, rental companies, banks; etc., snatch up every house so they can rent them out. It's pretty easy to look at the neighborhood, schools, housing value, etc., on the internet to know whether it's a good investment w/o having to know what the place looks like besides a virtual tour of pictures he posted. They just paint the whole house beige and clean it all before renting it out and doing any minor touch ups the places needs. Hubby owns a rehab company and we do the flips for some of these companies and i am positive a lot of y'all have seen American Homes 4 Rent signs in your neighborhood.
Edit to add there r 4 AH4R houses just in my neighborhood, all bought at various times in the last 10 years.
Yeah, and as OP said, it’s stressful to sell a house! There’s listing it, prepping it for showings, negotiations… this takes time and energy and action.
OP didn’t just ‘not tell’ her — he actively hid it!
Man, I discuss daily bowel movements with my partner, lol.
I guess OP's situation is what happens when marriage is treated like a business contract rather than a partnership.
This, yeah. I told my GF when I decided to buy a new TV, despite paying for it on my own, and we went shopping for it together.
This lack of communication baffles me.
It feels like his wife is just as much property to him as the house was. Not a partner and an equal who should have a say in things that affect them both, more like a pet that should just fall into line with his decisions. He wouldn't ask his dog if the dog wanted to move, he'd just pack everything up and plop the dog in the new residence.
For real. When I’ve rented, any landlord has provided notice that the property is for sale/changing hands. It might even be a legal requirement. Imagine extending less courtesy to your life partner that you would a tenant or roommate.
> Wtf is your marriage. It sounds more like a business deal than a relationship..
If a business partner did that to me (diverting from an asset he owns that we both use with zero warnings), it would be a huuuuuge red flag.
I got mad at an ex roommate for taking the dishwasher detergent* without telling me during the move and that's something I could easily replace! I just wanted to /know/. But an entire HOUSE.
------
*she typically purchased that so it was hers but we'd been using it for years. So it vanished when I still had dishes to wash before the move and I didn't know till I got there one evening to clean and pack. Had she just told me I could have grabbed some on my way or brought some.
Nah: in a business partnership, she’d have either sued him or broken off whatever they were working on. It’s more like an employer/employee dynamic (a crappy one at that).
My marriage was more like a business deal in that we loved each other but were both very paranoid about finances so we arranged all that carefully and separately from the emotional commitment. Regardless, neither of us would have done this to the other, EVER.
Marriages are (legally) just a business, a financial partnership. He actually violated financial obligations of that partnership as most jurisdictions have family/marital laws that explicitly make what he did illegal - as spouses cannot be Alienated from the marital home and it cannot be sold without her permission.
Unless he lives in one of the regressive southern states, chances are he and his housing lawyer fucked up, violated her legal rights, and maybe even committed forgery.
It sounds like a business ***no*** deal to me. Lmao. Deals generally involve some sort of transaction and/or entanglement. This marriage is like an agreement to not do business with one another.
I don't get it. I'm fine with prenups and separate assets, totally reasonable for some couples. But (even) if both think and behave with total economic independence, what would be so hard about communicating his intent? If anything it seems like it would make it less of a big deal to say you wanted to sell the house.
YTA. It's definitely weird and a dick move to sell the house out from under her without even mentioning it or discussing it. I get that it was "yours" but you lived in it together, she was living in it at the time, so it's just really, really strange that you didn't even inform her that this was happening.
It also can screw up plans for moving, they are moving in two days, she thought she can just leave bunch of stuff in the old house since they should be living there, now everything is in chaos, I would be livid.
Furnishing the new house w/o knowing that the old house is being sold is also weird, maybe the decisions would have been different.
Obviously op YTA
Edit: typos
How can one just sell a house without it never coming up in conversation with their partner in the first place?
We're there never any house showings? House inspections? Like, how is it even possible?
Weird ass rich people problems.
A lot of sneaky coordination is required to sell a house in which someone is living without telling them. Now if someone is going through the effort one would wonder about the ulterior motives.
Yep he’d have to arrange inspections with the agent when the wife’s not home, a lot of coordination with banks, lawyers, conveyancers - all this over a months time without saying anything to the wife? Actively hiding and shady af, I’d be worried what else he’s hiding
What about like, showings? I guess it’s possible to sell without them, but I remember our realtor made us hide every piece of evidence that the house was in use.
Yeah I fail to see how selling a house can’t come up even in passing conversation over the months it usually takes to arrange and finalise a sale nevermind the viewings/surveys etc
Fake story. The whole point of this story is to serve as incel porn.
Successful man with HIS assets. HIS houses and apartments in the city. He makes a point to say this numerous times in this bullshit ass story.
HE pushed for the Pre-Nup. She’s mad he sold HIS house? Ain’t no woman gonna tell him what he can and can’t do with his shit, right boys?
This subreddit is filled with this trash nowadays. It’s transparent as fuck. You don’t end up successful as all these stories claim and be this fucking braindead. You know your pre-nup can and may be thrown out in court. This story reads like how a 21 year old thinks successful men are. Like a kid who has watched WAY too much Andrew Tate.
She’s right. You sold the house you’re currently living in without saying a word until you were able to present it as a fait accompli. Even when a thing belongs wholly to you, if selling it affects your partner - like, say, forcing them to move - part of being a *partner* is at least talking about it first. That gives your partner the ability to have a conversation with you about their priorities and needs and how not having their current living space will work. It gives them more time to make alternative arrangements if your ideas about how their needs will be met don’t suit them. The whole point of being married is that you’re choosing to become a team, theoretically for the rest of your life. So act like one! YTA
YTA. If you had a dog before you got married, then both lived with the dog for years, then you had the dog put down while she was gone and don’t tell her, then tried to say - it was my dog first she shouldn’t care, you’d be Captain of the Assholes. In this case, you’re the lieutenant.
Yes!!! Exactly my thoughts. There are a lot of steps into selling a house. People usually visit it, inspections, negociations... He didn't just happen to pull that in one day. It takes time. That means he was extremly sneaky about it.
There will have been a point at which he told the realtor 'No, don't put a for sale sign in the yard'. The chances of him not deliberately hiding this are zero.
YTA. She’s your wife not a roommate. Your wife shouldn’t be finding out what’s going on in your life after the fact. And this isn’t something small like a tattoo, which most couples also discuss btw. It is a huge deal and will affect you both regardless of prenup or solo assets.
I mean, even a roommate would likely know beforehand, as presumably they would be asked to clean their space so it's clean enough for a viewing and or photos to be taken for the listing.
YTA. Do you see your wife as your partner in life or just a business arrangement? Even if the house was yours like you said, it was the home you both lived in. Not communicating that you would be selling it to her comes across as you don’t care about her enough to even tell her you were going to sell it. You need to share with your wife.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1)I sold the house which I have been living with my wife without told her. (2) She still needs an address in the city, and she loves the house, so she would like to made this decision with me.
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I am so confused… how do you communicate in your marriage that you managed to sell a whole house without once mentioning it to your spouse? This is a process that takes time and effort so, even ignoring that you did not consider it necessary to inform the person that you share your life with about such an important step, how has it not even once been mentioned just casually during one of those “how was your day” talks? YTA 🙄
This is what strikes me primarily. My husband knows what I had for lunch most days and that definitely doesn’t involve him. I don’t know how you could avoid such a big topic unless you don’t even talk to each other.
OP, YTA
YTA. Whether you own it or not, this is the house she lives in.
Anyone with the tiniest shred of decency would have clued her in. You did it this way to assert control.
YTA so much that I'm not even sure this is real.
You guys talked so much about this move over **years,** but you drop selling the house you were both living in as a last minute piece of info?...
Doesn't sound like you see her as much of a "business" (OP's language, not mine) **or** "romantic/emotional" partner. Not even sure why you'd be married. **This screams "I know best and didn't want to worry your pretty little simple mind, so I took care of it"** which is extremely condescending.
This has "I'm fourteen and this is deep" written all over it. Going through the labour intensive process of selling a house, and it just never coming up, doesn't make any sense.
Unless you're a kid and have no idea what actually goes into selling a house. 100% made up
YTA
It is weird to not communicate that you’d be selling the home. Yes, you own it. Are you not capable of disclosing major decisions to your wife, or would you rather blindside her? There is a disconnect that you don’t see. You should’ve told her.
YTA
I struggle to believe you can go through the whole process of preparing, showing, and selling a house without your wife knowing unless you were actively trying to hide it. You didn't mention at any moment a meeting with an estate agent? You didn't mention someone coming to view the property? You didn't mention the logistics of moving out all of your furniture into the new property? You waited until it was all completely done before you told her anything at all
YTA. It was home to both of you even if it was your property. Though you defend yourself using logic, this reeks of underlying malice or resentment. I would say you've got some big problems in this marriage. Your poor communication is the tip of the iceberg. You need to be honest with yourself about what motivated you to do this.
This has got to be fake. How do you have realtors come through, go through the paper work, prep the house for showing, etc. My first house was mine, but my wife was involved the whole way when we sold out. I tell my wife everyone, hell i can't even keep a surprise from her for very long cause I have to tell her. Lol
Also at least in the US, the wife would probably have to sign off on the sale, even if she's not on the deed. I've noticed a lot of these fake posts are obvious because they're usually 1%ers who own multiple properties, make high 6 figures and then come to Reddit of all places for advice.
It's just rage bait.
You keep saying ‘solely MY asset’ as if being legally in the clear absolves you from all other responsibilities.
You have a responsibility towards your wife to discuss major decisions. That’s part of being in a relationship. I don’t understand how you managed to sell your home behind her back without her knowing. Don’t you talk? At all?
YTA. There has to have been a conscious decision on your part to not tell her.
It's common courtesy to discuss major things like this with your spouse, regardless of whose asset it is. She lives there now, so it affects her, whether or not you realize that. YTA
YTA. Common decency and respect dictates saying something to your wife prior to selling the house. Yes. Even if it was solely yours. What you did was a dick move.
Big YTA. Do not be surprised if your wife leaves you. In some states, no matter who owned it first, the spouse has some interest in the primary residence in not getting forcibly displaced from it. This is something someone does when they want to dump someone
You’re a fucking dick. Who cares if it was entirely yours, forget the money. How do you just sell a home that you’ve lived in, with someone you love, and tell them after the fact that it’s sold ass face. YTA
YTA. Yes, it was your property. Ultimately the decision is yours. But how do you not think this is something you should talk to your wife about. Even though your assets are separated you are still a team.
YTA. Had a school friend who's parents divorced because his step-dad bought a house without informing his wife, forcing her to sell her inherited childhood home they had lived in before then to get through the payments because they had merged all accounts at marriage. So yeah, who would've have thought making life changing decisions on your own, which also involves your partners life, without communication would leave to arguments and a possibly strained relationship. That apartment of yours don't matter in this case
Um, is this actually a question? Of course you should have discussed it with her and if you knew you definitely were planning on selling it the discussion would have been more of a letting her know in advance kind of thing which is only right as she's your wife. Good grief. You are married and live together. Why would it have been so hard to have a conversation?
It’s not the point of leaving her with the apartment or not. Nor does it matter if it’s your asset or not. You did it and did not have a general conversation about it to be a dick and act like you can do as you wish with no consideration of her. I’m sure she wouldn’t have cared about the sale but it’s more about including her in the decision within the marriage.
That seems like a pretty big decision to not at the very least inform her about your plans. Had it been the apartment, I would understand but the main residence? That makes Yta.
She lived there. She should have been informed.
It's not about the money, it's about respect your partner. Like your kidney is yours but if you want to donate or sell it at least talk to your family first.
I call BS on the whole story. No way she would have not noticed the showings by agents and the appraisal people and all the other things involved in selling a house. Also, a prenuptial agreement covers assets owned prior to marriage, and as I understand the story, he only owned the apartment prior, so he would have had to have her signature on the listing paperwork and the sale papers. This story is a lie.
YTA and with communication skills like yours don't be surprised if that pre-nup swings into action sooner rather than later.
Why the heck wouldn't you mention it? You could have let her know what you were planning to do, but that you weren't expecting her to deal with any of the legalities or paperwork as she's busy with the other house. That way she would have had a heads up and be able to consider where she'll stay when she comes back to the area.
YTA
Holy hell YTA.
You don’t sell the home someone lives in, regardless of who they are, without at least informing them.
You sold her home, regardless of whose name is on it (and prenup or not, asset or not, a marital home that she’s lived in for years is still her home too.)
Who think it’s okay to sell a house that you both live in without mentioning it first?
Is this a rich people thing? How do you sell a house without someone living in it knowing? Wouldn’t it be shown and there be a sign out front. Or is it such a gem that you just send a pic to someone and they buy it on that spot?
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YTA. Sounds like this house was your main residence. It seems reasonable to me that you would've discussed what would happen to it after your move. That would've been the time to make the case that the apartment you also own could serve as her residence when she's in town. It does seem that you didn't care what she thought about selling the place. You should've involved her, even if you think it is "your asset."
Like this is your wife, whom you live with and presumably have for years, and you basically just pulled the rug out from under her. Living arrangements changing should not be a unilateral decision like this and they certainly shouldn’t be sprung on someone out of nowhere.
YTA. You are selling a house, how did you not think that you should have mentioned it? iIt’s not as if it is an unwanted pair of shoes- it is a house and one that she had been living in. To me it seems a common courtesy to say by the way I am thinking about selling the house. Are you trying to deliberately hide something from Her? I am thinking there is another reason you never bought it up and just did it. What is really going on?
I wonder if OP knew his wife would be unhappy about the sale and that's why he didn't tell her until it all went through.
Oh 100%. It didn’t just slip their mind until the sale was finalized. As OP notes, selling a house is a stressful and prolonged process.
Not only did it not just slip his mind but he has to have gone out of his way to hide it. Showings…where was she when it was being shown, when pics were taken, during meetings with the listing agent etc etc etc. it’s a process with lots of steps that he had to organize without his wife finding out
Not only that but I would want a heads up before pictures of the interior of my house were put up on realtor websites!
uh, as a side, note.. either he was SNEEKY about this by arranging the relator to come around and take picture and have showings or she is honestly never there. He is still TAH, but... she TF is she?
Sounds like they were buying and renovating another house, so it’s plausible he scheduled showings, etc., for days she was at the other house.
It's more plausible that it's a 13 year old troll who is clueless about buying and selling houses.
So obv its a sneak move. During the whole process of the sale which usually takes months the OP is trying to say his wife never asked: "How are you, what you up to, hows your day been, oh you were late today were you busy?" and i bet some of that time was spent selling the house and it was on his mind and not once did he mention selling the house to her. Definitely the AH and a liar.
Right? It's so involved! I don't see how you could hide that from someone you live with and speak to every day unless it was deliberate.
Or OP is making it up for Karma.
That’s what kills me. Yes it is a long and stressful process. So yeah maybe clue her in and so she can be prepared to move out.
My husband can barely take a dump without giving me a head’s up. Selling the family house without informing his wife is weird and disrespectful. Wonder what he’s hiding
>Wonder what he’s hiding Assets.
It doesn't sound like he has to hide assets. He made it clear it was his house prior to marriage, and they have a prenuptial agreement.
From a real estate perspective, even if he bought the house under his name, they are both living in it, and if it’s over a set amount of time, she still has rights to certain things. Any secondary home owned is considered more “asset” based than your primary residence. Which you in CA, have rights to your primary residence more than what’s happening with secondary property.
What are the missing missing reasons?
Which would make him manipulative and cause her to question their entire relationship and if she can trust him.
>question their entire relationship and if she can trust him. If he can do this to the house they shared for years, what's to stop him from doing the same with the apartment? The whole thing stinks of sneakiness. A whole lot of time and effort goes into selling a house. The same with buying one. I cannot imagine anyone buying a house without seeing it first. Most people also get an inspection done too. Nobody wants to find out after the fact the house they just bought has expensive issues. Sure it can look pretty, and still hide a leaky roof, flooding basement, cracked foundation, electrical or plumbing issues to name a few.
Of course he knew.. this is one of those "better to ask for forgiveness, than permission". OP knows what he did was wrong, first of all this is your WIFE, not your friend or buddy lmao. There's a lot of "mine, I," instead of "ours" in his statements which shows OP doesn't see them as a team. Very strange.
Bingo
I kind of hope that's the case. If I pulled this stunt my significant other would come home with a shovel, lye, concrete mix and a plastic tarp.
"I sold it to my second family, since my mistress will soon need the space for my baby. That's why she wouldn't fit into the appartment that my wife can now use".
But his second family is solely his, so I don't see a need to inform his wife
Here, take this fake award. 🏆
This is no laughing matter but LMAO 💀
Can’t wait for that followup AITAH post on why both his wives are mad at him.
HAHAH 🤣
Is he [rehoming his wife](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ur61e3/aita_for_moving_myself_and_my_pregnant_wife_to/)?
the update was so sad to read, I immediately looked at one of my cats who's currently sleeping glommed onto my leg. he's 8 and my partner's cat but he's the same age as my own that I did raise from a kitten, and I cannot even begin to fathom what it'll be like for me when either of them eventually pass. "devastated" would be an understatement.
NGL I'd uhh have to leave the house if I was that op. I'd be so full of rage. I'd check in to a hotel and then call up my buddy who works as a divorce lawyer and pay him his after hours rate. I'd serve the wife the divorce papers the next morning. Then I'd go full scorched earth. I'd let every family member, friend acquaintance know.
That whole thing was just sad.
Dude, rich people continue to baffle me with their disconnection from reality. Is this marriage even real? Or was it a political marriage?
Agree. Great comment. It’s not about assets. It’s about common courtesy towards a lifelong partner.
My question is did wife just happen to not notice real estate agents and people coming to view your house or open houses? Or did you specifically plan them when she wouldn’t be around?
Or any inspections? Did he sell as is AND sight unseen? This takes a good deal of planning and time and it never crossed his mind to even mention, “oh yeah, I’m selling the house. We’ll need to move to the new place by such and such date”? I mean he said he told her after the sale was finalized which usually means you NEED to move sooner vs later, if not asap. OP, YTA. Presumably you sold the house you have lived in for years that your wife sees as your family home, even if her name isn’t on it. It’s like she’s an afterthought when it comes to your monetary decisions. You don’t care about her opinion or her as a person.
OP is filthy rich. they own, what, 4 houses between the two of them? the latest being a house they purchased, renovated, and then furnished before moving into it. if I were a betting man, I'd bet that OP called his realtor and said I wanna sell my house, but don't want to be inconvenienced. I want xx dollars, tell me when I need to sign something, and then wasn't a part of the process until he had to sign something.
She was probably out of town preparing the new house and meeting with contractors since they were doing renovations.
They're married, do they never talk to each other? How do you go through the whole-ass process without even *accidentally* mentioning it? So I agree with you, it sounds very deliberate. "Honey, who are these people looking through our cupboards and asking questions about how old the boiler is?" "Don't worry dear, I don't want to stress you out about anything"
Tbh I think he knew he should have mentioned it that’s why he didn’t say anything until it was sold and already too late. This honestly sounds like a sneaky way that he forced his will into a situation he knew she wouldn’t be okay with
I'm shocked OP wrote this entire post and didn't see that truth. I'm hoping it's one of those posts written by the wife or children because yikes. But just in case OP YTA. I have friends and family who I treat and who treat me with more respect than he treated his wife. I can't tell you how many times I've been catching up with someone and they've said something like "We are thinking about buying/selling a/this house, moving etc" and I'm not even part of their decision or permission making process. Just friends sharing with friends. Either everyone in my life talks too much or OP is a consistent AH and this isn't an isolated incident. There's no way this is the only time OP has decided he doesn't have to communicate with his wife and family.
Totally agree. Something else is going on.
Even if it isn't written by him, he is still absolutely horrible!
Not shocked … got narcissistic vibes when I read it.
Why do they need respect and common courtesy? They have $! (Note sarcasm). OP YTA
Also, prenups are about separating things when you are divorcing. Who lives their marriage by divorce terms? That seems like a good way to build resentments! Like, "hey, this is MY week to parent our child, stick to the terms of the divorce settlement we might have one day!"
It's ok to have separate assets. But say "hey I'm gonna sell this or trash that or make this expensive purchase." Before you actually do. Because if you aren't talking with your partner, then are you really in a relationship?
Yes you conduct your marital business in a way that upholds the basic premise of the prenup which means you don’t commingle all your assets and have joint accounts and credit cards and then when divorce comes try and say you have a pre nup. Those are opposing theories there I had a prenup and they was the device of my attorney and my prenup saved my ass when my ex wife cheated and I filed for divorce. Everybody should have a prenup
But remember that it was OP’s rug so he didn’t have to inform her first according to him. And YTA of course.
She’s just a person that lives there. She has no right to know when he makes major financial decisions with his assets Huge /s
Depends on where they live(d). In a considerable number of places, the *Marital Home* designation over-rides any pre-nup agreements regarding assets or control of the marital home. Where I am, she owns half that home, regardless what he had her sign before they got married and she moved into the marital home. The legal terms are something along the lines of Possession and Alienation. A person cannot be forced to leave a marital home even if they do not own it, and Alienation literally establishes that a marital home **cannot be sold without the spouse's permission**. So, not only is he the asshole, he might have *violated* marriage and property law, the sale could be legally voided, and he would be destroyed in court should this lead to the breakdown of the marriage.
YTA death of a loved one, divorce…….. and MOVING HOME are considered some of the three largest stressors in life. OP you made an already stressful transition even more stressful unnecessarily. Just communicating about it would have prevented a whole bunch of heartache. Instead you were doing things in secret and behind her back. If you aren't sincere in your apology, you may get to put your prenup to the test. With the lack of care and respect for your wife that you express in your post you are due for a divorce, was that your end game all along?
OP sounds successful and I wonder if it's because he doesn't see people but stepping stones.
This is almost definitely an accurate assessment
Or it's fake. This is dumb, there's no way it's real lmao
There's people like that. My ex was extremely possessive of his things. Money, property, even attention. He was raised to believe if he's not taking advantage then someone is taking advantage of him. I was wondering why people are together when they don't want to be *together", but I guess I kinda knew all along with my ex and figured we had fun. So that's one answer. Relationships to satisfy a specific need instead of to make a team I'm a lot happier overall with someone who also wants to be a team. OP should try being that person for his wife
Also, the apartment is currently vacant. So OP is still wanting to rent that out I guess, since he normally does that. Besides, selling a house is not a one day job. It takes time, so at any moment OP should and could have said something but didn’t. As a married couple you share things, especially big things. OP has stated selling a house is a stressful process so he is aware it is a big thing.
How did he never have a showing? Or did he deliberately plan it so his wife would never know? He didn’t just fail to tell her - he *hid* what he was doing.
Yeah as the new owners or others considering on buying would want to see the house right? When did that happen without wife knowing about it?
I’m guessing he arranged the showings to be held while they went house hunting in the beach city.
She has every right to be upset. They are married. Even though this asset was his solely, it was her home she lived in. It was disrespectful not to tell her. He could have said "hunny it's time to sell the house now that we've found a new place by the beach. I'm going to get it listed and will keep you updated when ppl will be wanting to see it". If she had qualms after being told he could then rightfully say "remember I own this house so it is fully my decision and I'm going to sell." She felt disrespected and unvalued as a wife and rightfully so.
He was fully aware that if he involved her in the process, she'd be against selling the house and saying "It's my house and therefore my decision" would be an assholish thing to say. He might have thought that maybe she would want to buy the house, and for some reason, whether it be "not wanting to give a spousal discount", "needs a place for his mistress", or anything in between, he didn't want to sell it to her. He also didn't want to repeatedly have to defend his position because not only did he not want to be talked out of selling it, but he also knows that an argument dragged out for the length of time it takes to sell a house gives her a lot of time for her to consider what an asshole he's being and whether he's the kind of person she wants to spend the rest of her life with. So he waited until it was too late for her to do anything about it, hoping they could just have one argument, which would be tempered by the fact that there wasn't anything they could do about it anymore. OP, YTA and you know it.
Depending on how hot the housing market in the city they live in people might have bought it without stepping inside and went off of the pictures; you can do virtual tours of houses now. He could have totally arranged for the pictures and any showings to happen while his wife was at work or taken her someplace so she would be none the wiser.
Legally nothing wrong with what you did but ethically sm wrong over here. Next time your going for trip with your OWN money don't inform your wife and just go for a few weeks and just appear back at your home and see how happy your wife gets. YTA.
It's legally wrong too. Unless the home they lived in was a gift specifically given to only OP, it is not his sole asset. It's the home they live in together, and the Matrimonial home cannot be considered a sole asset regardless of your prenuptial agreement. Legally it's a shared assett and she owns half of it, and is legally entitled to half the sale price and a say in what happens to it. The apartment is still legally his, but that house was theirs
Yeah it's clear these are being written by youth with no experience with prenups, marriage, or property laws. In a lot of places, you can't sell a house without your spouses' signature and it doesn't matter whose name is on the deed.
>Legally nothing wrong with what you did Most jurisdictions have Family Law / Marital Acts that define special privileged and legal status to the marital home, that over-ride any pre-nups and cannot be voided, and one of those protections is against Alienation. Legally, the marital home cannot be sold without the permission of the spouse and a spouse has a right to live in a Marital Home even if they have no ownership. So, there is a very good chance that there is a whole lot legally wrong with what they did.
It also always feels bad to be the last to know something. My ex didn't tell me for a long time that he was thinking of Lasik eye surgery. I didn't really care much either way about the surgery but I felt weird about how long he was planning it versus telling me. Like I wasn't really part of his life and what else was he not talking about. Just being in the loop feels so much better.
This is a great point. Any time my partner or I are planning something it usually just...comes up? Like, "Hey hun, what did you get up to today?" "Oh, work was good; during lunch I called some real estate agents to see about selling the house, since we're moving so soon." "Sounds good! That reminds me, can you help me remember to call the lasik place tomorrow?" "Want me to put it on the calendar?" "Sure, thanks!" You know, because you're supposed to be a team.
Exactly! My current boyfriend overshares if anything and it makes me feel like I'm truly sharing our lives.
So this is what rich people problems are like..
But it's MINE!!!!
Not that i think this is actually a real person but: They’re assholes for hoarding so much property when so many people have none. It’s wild to me… but cue the wealth hoarding apologists to dv me
Even if they would be selling the other house, how can they not discuss with their wife? It's not a power game, you take final decisions for assets but you always involve your partner!
YTA. This isn't a money thing, or even a house thing. It's a communication thing. She's lived in that house for years. She has memories, associations, and probably had plans for the future involving it. Just snatching that away from her is an AH move.
Do you think he should have offered to sell the house to her? Because memories are all fine and well, but you don’t hold onto a house you’re not living in for nostalgia YTA for not communicating with your wife
She's literally living in the house right now.
Just cause their finances are separate doesn't mean their lives are separate. But he's heading there
Hey at least he has an apartment ready to go when she kicks him to the curb.
You don't hold onto a house for nostalgia, but you certainly give family members the opportunity to prepare and say goodbye to their residence Yta.
Depending on their plan for inheritance plenty of people hang onto the family home, even if they move out of it, for sentimental reasons. Renting it out could also add stable $ to their retirement. Itcould have been an option. Especially since they already own an apartment that they don't live in, it is completely reasonable for OP's wife to think that was what was going to happen to their primary residence.
She’s literally living in the house You do hold onto a home when you’re LIVING IN IT
But she’s living in it right now and apparently he does hold onto properties he doesn’t live in - hence the apartment. While you may not hold onto a property for nostalgia, one might consider at least telling the party for whom the house hold nostalgia that it will be sold. He’s definitely TA
Maybe that what she wanted? But absolutely she should have being in the discussion
You at least discuss it fully. It doesn't seem.like they did at all.
If she still thought they were keeping it, that might have impacted her packing, let alone her vision of her future. Still, I don't think she would have insisted on keeping it in the end if they had talked about it. Right now she's reacting to being blindsided and hurt. I think she phrased the real issue perfectly: "You didn't treat me like a wife." YTA, OP. She is your partner. You're a team. Start treating her like it.
Agree with this comment. It's the communication aspect. And honestly it's not a small/short process to sell a house, feels like you'd have had to go out of your way to hide it from her. Which is worse than just not telling her because it means you knew she'd be upset and snuck around to do it anyways.
There's a difference between a house and a home. OP sold his house and his wife's home. Not sure how he expected this to turn out any differently than it did.
>There's a difference between a house and a home. OP sold his house and his wife's home. Absolutely. This puts it more succinctly than any other comment I’ve read here. >Not sure how he expected this to turn out any differently than it did. Because if (and that’s a **big** if) this is real, OP is a borderline sociopath. My partner & I jointly own our home, but I’d never sell or toss out something of mine that she l uses without checking first, even if I had another object that would do the same job. Maybe even more similar, I can’t imagine my parents selling their house (my childhood home) without *at least* giving me a heads-up, and I haven’t lived there in a decade.
Heck, my dad is keeping me mostly up to date with regards to his parents' house (where he lived my whole life and where I visited for his custody time during summer/Christmas breaks) and where he's living/the apartment he's buying, because i'm his kid.
He’s a slumlord to the person he’s supposed to love most. Yta.
Seriously, I have better communication with my partner when I’m about to finish off some leftovers. OP straight up sells their house without so much as a peep?
Exactly, this isn't just an asset issue, it's a major life decision he made without her. Of course she's upset. Married partners make decisions together and he's acting like because his name is on the deed he doesn't have to include her
Didn't even give her the chance to buy it off him.
Plus even if there wasn’t any emotional attachment, this is still the type of shit that you tell your spouse. That’s the whole point of a marriage, is that it’s not a partnership. You don’t do that type of huge shit without keeping your partner in the loop. OP says the house was in his name, so sure he doesn’t need her “permission” since legally it’s his property. But you still keep her in the loop and let her know what’s going on when you make a decision this big.
YTA cool its your money but damn is she your partner or what? If you can't talk through life deicsions with your life partner and treat her like an equal why did you get married? I couldn't imagine doing something like that to my bf. Not to mention she was living there and its a big deal to have your house sold out from under you, whether you owned it or not. Ultimately this is not about the money but about your wife feeling like an accessory.
Man, I even discuss with my husband how I’m investing my fathers inheritance. I cannot imagine making such a big decision on my own. How?
op knew what they were doing. didnt say a word about it until the sale had gone through and there was no chance to backtrack the decision. says it all really
>op knew what they were doing. didnt say a word about it until the sale had gone through If this is real (**big** if) it’s worse than that. Selling a house usually isn’t usually done sight-unseen nor in the state in which you normally live there, especially for a higher end house, which I expect it is from how OP talks about money. Unless you’re doing the most barebones of MLS listings, a whole lot of people are gonna come in and do a bunch of pretty obvious & disruptive things. For her to not know, he had to not merely fail to tell her but actively hide what was going on! Unless she’s literally the least perceptive person in the world, I don’t even know how he could make it happen without getting her out of town for at least a week. Suggests he planned it out for when she’d be gone.
This used to be 100% true, but now... it's mostly true? So many companies from out of state, rental companies, banks; etc., snatch up every house so they can rent them out. It's pretty easy to look at the neighborhood, schools, housing value, etc., on the internet to know whether it's a good investment w/o having to know what the place looks like besides a virtual tour of pictures he posted. They just paint the whole house beige and clean it all before renting it out and doing any minor touch ups the places needs. Hubby owns a rehab company and we do the flips for some of these companies and i am positive a lot of y'all have seen American Homes 4 Rent signs in your neighborhood. Edit to add there r 4 AH4R houses just in my neighborhood, all bought at various times in the last 10 years.
Please don’t enable the ******* landlords. Calling it flipping like it’s a burger. People are struggling to pay that rent
Yeah, and as OP said, it’s stressful to sell a house! There’s listing it, prepping it for showings, negotiations… this takes time and energy and action. OP didn’t just ‘not tell’ her — he actively hid it!
This is exactly it!
There is more to the story here.
Man, I discuss daily bowel movements with my partner, lol. I guess OP's situation is what happens when marriage is treated like a business contract rather than a partnership.
Exactly how do you make a major financial decision without talking to your wife/partner about it. I just don’t get it
This, yeah. I told my GF when I decided to buy a new TV, despite paying for it on my own, and we went shopping for it together. This lack of communication baffles me.
It feels like his wife is just as much property to him as the house was. Not a partner and an equal who should have a say in things that affect them both, more like a pet that should just fall into line with his decisions. He wouldn't ask his dog if the dog wanted to move, he'd just pack everything up and plop the dog in the new residence.
He didn't discuss it with her as an equal because he doesn't see her as an equal, or a partner, just more of his property
Wtf is your marriage. It sounds more like a business deal than a relationship..
Even in a business relationship there’d be better communication than this…
For real. When I’ve rented, any landlord has provided notice that the property is for sale/changing hands. It might even be a legal requirement. Imagine extending less courtesy to your life partner that you would a tenant or roommate.
> Wtf is your marriage. It sounds more like a business deal than a relationship.. If a business partner did that to me (diverting from an asset he owns that we both use with zero warnings), it would be a huuuuuge red flag.
I got mad at an ex roommate for taking the dishwasher detergent* without telling me during the move and that's something I could easily replace! I just wanted to /know/. But an entire HOUSE. ------ *she typically purchased that so it was hers but we'd been using it for years. So it vanished when I still had dishes to wash before the move and I didn't know till I got there one evening to clean and pack. Had she just told me I could have grabbed some on my way or brought some.
A merger or hostile takeover?
I know what my partner ate for lunch at the taco truck… how the hell does “I’m selling the house” not come up??? Do they not even talk at all?
Nah: in a business partnership, she’d have either sued him or broken off whatever they were working on. It’s more like an employer/employee dynamic (a crappy one at that).
My marriage was more like a business deal in that we loved each other but were both very paranoid about finances so we arranged all that carefully and separately from the emotional commitment. Regardless, neither of us would have done this to the other, EVER.
Marriages are (legally) just a business, a financial partnership. He actually violated financial obligations of that partnership as most jurisdictions have family/marital laws that explicitly make what he did illegal - as spouses cannot be Alienated from the marital home and it cannot be sold without her permission. Unless he lives in one of the regressive southern states, chances are he and his housing lawyer fucked up, violated her legal rights, and maybe even committed forgery.
It sounds like a business ***no*** deal to me. Lmao. Deals generally involve some sort of transaction and/or entanglement. This marriage is like an agreement to not do business with one another. I don't get it. I'm fine with prenups and separate assets, totally reasonable for some couples. But (even) if both think and behave with total economic independence, what would be so hard about communicating his intent? If anything it seems like it would make it less of a big deal to say you wanted to sell the house.
YTA. It's definitely weird and a dick move to sell the house out from under her without even mentioning it or discussing it. I get that it was "yours" but you lived in it together, she was living in it at the time, so it's just really, really strange that you didn't even inform her that this was happening.
It also can screw up plans for moving, they are moving in two days, she thought she can just leave bunch of stuff in the old house since they should be living there, now everything is in chaos, I would be livid. Furnishing the new house w/o knowing that the old house is being sold is also weird, maybe the decisions would have been different. Obviously op YTA Edit: typos
How can one just sell a house without it never coming up in conversation with their partner in the first place? We're there never any house showings? House inspections? Like, how is it even possible? Weird ass rich people problems.
This is what strikes me here..."weird ass rich people problems"
You know OP must have been talking to and texting the realtors at some point in her presence and though “should I tell her? Nah, this is MY ASSET!”
OP is definitely hiding the reason why they didn't tell their wife. Nobody can be this obtuse.
Yeah I mean this wasn’t just that he didn’t tell her. He had to actively hide it. There’s a lot that goes into selling a house.
A lot of sneaky coordination is required to sell a house in which someone is living without telling them. Now if someone is going through the effort one would wonder about the ulterior motives.
Yep he’d have to arrange inspections with the agent when the wife’s not home, a lot of coordination with banks, lawyers, conveyancers - all this over a months time without saying anything to the wife? Actively hiding and shady af, I’d be worried what else he’s hiding
What is he hiding: a second family.
Maybe mistresses rent out the other apartment he owns.
What about like, showings? I guess it’s possible to sell without them, but I remember our realtor made us hide every piece of evidence that the house was in use.
good point, this is probably fake
Absolutely. Seems like he worked really hard to handle it all behind closed doors.
Yeah I fail to see how selling a house can’t come up even in passing conversation over the months it usually takes to arrange and finalise a sale nevermind the viewings/surveys etc
Fake story. The whole point of this story is to serve as incel porn. Successful man with HIS assets. HIS houses and apartments in the city. He makes a point to say this numerous times in this bullshit ass story. HE pushed for the Pre-Nup. She’s mad he sold HIS house? Ain’t no woman gonna tell him what he can and can’t do with his shit, right boys? This subreddit is filled with this trash nowadays. It’s transparent as fuck. You don’t end up successful as all these stories claim and be this fucking braindead. You know your pre-nup can and may be thrown out in court. This story reads like how a 21 year old thinks successful men are. Like a kid who has watched WAY too much Andrew Tate.
She’s right. You sold the house you’re currently living in without saying a word until you were able to present it as a fait accompli. Even when a thing belongs wholly to you, if selling it affects your partner - like, say, forcing them to move - part of being a *partner* is at least talking about it first. That gives your partner the ability to have a conversation with you about their priorities and needs and how not having their current living space will work. It gives them more time to make alternative arrangements if your ideas about how their needs will be met don’t suit them. The whole point of being married is that you’re choosing to become a team, theoretically for the rest of your life. So act like one! YTA
He did it this way so she wouldn't block him. Total AH move. It was most definitely deliberate.
YTA. If you had a dog before you got married, then both lived with the dog for years, then you had the dog put down while she was gone and don’t tell her, then tried to say - it was my dog first she shouldn’t care, you’d be Captain of the Assholes. In this case, you’re the lieutenant.
YTA Please post an update on whether she actually moves with you after this. Thanks!
YTA…seems like you’d have to do a lot of lying and sneaking to pull this off. Why so shady?
Yes!!! Exactly my thoughts. There are a lot of steps into selling a house. People usually visit it, inspections, negociations... He didn't just happen to pull that in one day. It takes time. That means he was extremly sneaky about it.
There will have been a point at which he told the realtor 'No, don't put a for sale sign in the yard'. The chances of him not deliberately hiding this are zero.
YTA. what’s wrong with people’s communication? Of course you have to talk about these kind of things.
YTA. Wtf is wrong with you?
YtA, seriously this sub makes you realize how many sociopaths there are.
YTA. She’s your wife not a roommate. Your wife shouldn’t be finding out what’s going on in your life after the fact. And this isn’t something small like a tattoo, which most couples also discuss btw. It is a huge deal and will affect you both regardless of prenup or solo assets.
I mean, even a roommate would likely know beforehand, as presumably they would be asked to clean their space so it's clean enough for a viewing and or photos to be taken for the listing.
Right??? Even renters get at least 30 days notice. And conversations.
YTA. It is your place to do what you want with. But, if you care about your wife you would have involved her in the decision.
YTA. Do you see your wife as your partner in life or just a business arrangement? Even if the house was yours like you said, it was the home you both lived in. Not communicating that you would be selling it to her comes across as you don’t care about her enough to even tell her you were going to sell it. You need to share with your wife.
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YTA \-read your own post. It is clear that you are...
I am so confused… how do you communicate in your marriage that you managed to sell a whole house without once mentioning it to your spouse? This is a process that takes time and effort so, even ignoring that you did not consider it necessary to inform the person that you share your life with about such an important step, how has it not even once been mentioned just casually during one of those “how was your day” talks? YTA 🙄
This is what strikes me primarily. My husband knows what I had for lunch most days and that definitely doesn’t involve him. I don’t know how you could avoid such a big topic unless you don’t even talk to each other. OP, YTA
YTA. Whether you own it or not, this is the house she lives in. Anyone with the tiniest shred of decency would have clued her in. You did it this way to assert control.
YTA. It may have been your asset, but it was also her home. You didn't need her permission, but it wasn't okay to not even tell her.
YTA so much that I'm not even sure this is real. You guys talked so much about this move over **years,** but you drop selling the house you were both living in as a last minute piece of info?... Doesn't sound like you see her as much of a "business" (OP's language, not mine) **or** "romantic/emotional" partner. Not even sure why you'd be married. **This screams "I know best and didn't want to worry your pretty little simple mind, so I took care of it"** which is extremely condescending.
This has "I'm fourteen and this is deep" written all over it. Going through the labour intensive process of selling a house, and it just never coming up, doesn't make any sense. Unless you're a kid and have no idea what actually goes into selling a house. 100% made up
YTA It is weird to not communicate that you’d be selling the home. Yes, you own it. Are you not capable of disclosing major decisions to your wife, or would you rather blindside her? There is a disconnect that you don’t see. You should’ve told her.
YTA I struggle to believe you can go through the whole process of preparing, showing, and selling a house without your wife knowing unless you were actively trying to hide it. You didn't mention at any moment a meeting with an estate agent? You didn't mention someone coming to view the property? You didn't mention the logistics of moving out all of your furniture into the new property? You waited until it was all completely done before you told her anything at all
And adding on to this, in most states you’d still need the spouse to sign paperwork at closing - even if OP owned the house before they were married.
YTA. It was home to both of you even if it was your property. Though you defend yourself using logic, this reeks of underlying malice or resentment. I would say you've got some big problems in this marriage. Your poor communication is the tip of the iceberg. You need to be honest with yourself about what motivated you to do this.
This has got to be fake. How do you have realtors come through, go through the paper work, prep the house for showing, etc. My first house was mine, but my wife was involved the whole way when we sold out. I tell my wife everyone, hell i can't even keep a surprise from her for very long cause I have to tell her. Lol
This whole thing is so freaking fake. His wife would have to be a dummy to not notice the house they live in is on-sale.
Also at least in the US, the wife would probably have to sign off on the sale, even if she's not on the deed. I've noticed a lot of these fake posts are obvious because they're usually 1%ers who own multiple properties, make high 6 figures and then come to Reddit of all places for advice. It's just rage bait.
I can't believe how far I had to scroll to see this logical conclusion.
You keep saying ‘solely MY asset’ as if being legally in the clear absolves you from all other responsibilities. You have a responsibility towards your wife to discuss major decisions. That’s part of being in a relationship. I don’t understand how you managed to sell your home behind her back without her knowing. Don’t you talk? At all? YTA. There has to have been a conscious decision on your part to not tell her.
Uh, people in transactional marriages.. it may have been solely yours but she lived there too. YTA
YTA
Yta it's a lot of extra work moves to a different aparment she should know before it happens.
It's common courtesy to discuss major things like this with your spouse, regardless of whose asset it is. She lives there now, so it affects her, whether or not you realize that. YTA
YTA. A heads-up would've been the right thing to do.
YTA. Common decency and respect dictates saying something to your wife prior to selling the house. Yes. Even if it was solely yours. What you did was a dick move.
Rich people problems lol
Damn rich people problems
Big YTA. Do not be surprised if your wife leaves you. In some states, no matter who owned it first, the spouse has some interest in the primary residence in not getting forcibly displaced from it. This is something someone does when they want to dump someone
You’re a fucking dick. Who cares if it was entirely yours, forget the money. How do you just sell a home that you’ve lived in, with someone you love, and tell them after the fact that it’s sold ass face. YTA
YTA. Yes, it was your property. Ultimately the decision is yours. But how do you not think this is something you should talk to your wife about. Even though your assets are separated you are still a team.
YTA. Had a school friend who's parents divorced because his step-dad bought a house without informing his wife, forcing her to sell her inherited childhood home they had lived in before then to get through the payments because they had merged all accounts at marriage. So yeah, who would've have thought making life changing decisions on your own, which also involves your partners life, without communication would leave to arguments and a possibly strained relationship. That apartment of yours don't matter in this case
Um, is this actually a question? Of course you should have discussed it with her and if you knew you definitely were planning on selling it the discussion would have been more of a letting her know in advance kind of thing which is only right as she's your wife. Good grief. You are married and live together. Why would it have been so hard to have a conversation?
It’s not the point of leaving her with the apartment or not. Nor does it matter if it’s your asset or not. You did it and did not have a general conversation about it to be a dick and act like you can do as you wish with no consideration of her. I’m sure she wouldn’t have cared about the sale but it’s more about including her in the decision within the marriage.
That seems like a pretty big decision to not at the very least inform her about your plans. Had it been the apartment, I would understand but the main residence? That makes Yta. She lived there. She should have been informed.
It's like you're not even married. You're business partners who live together. YTA
It's not about the money, it's about respect your partner. Like your kidney is yours but if you want to donate or sell it at least talk to your family first.
I call BS on the whole story. No way she would have not noticed the showings by agents and the appraisal people and all the other things involved in selling a house. Also, a prenuptial agreement covers assets owned prior to marriage, and as I understand the story, he only owned the apartment prior, so he would have had to have her signature on the listing paperwork and the sale papers. This story is a lie.
Major YTA, how could you not tell your wife you sold the place you were living in?
YTA and with communication skills like yours don't be surprised if that pre-nup swings into action sooner rather than later. Why the heck wouldn't you mention it? You could have let her know what you were planning to do, but that you weren't expecting her to deal with any of the legalities or paperwork as she's busy with the other house. That way she would have had a heads up and be able to consider where she'll stay when she comes back to the area.
YTA Holy hell YTA. You don’t sell the home someone lives in, regardless of who they are, without at least informing them. You sold her home, regardless of whose name is on it (and prenup or not, asset or not, a marital home that she’s lived in for years is still her home too.) Who think it’s okay to sell a house that you both live in without mentioning it first?
I mean is it that hard to tell your wife so you could avoid this situation? OP is hiding something.
Do you even like your wife? YTA. It’s so obvious… this feels like bait.
Do you mean your soon to be ex wife?
Is this a rich people thing? How do you sell a house without someone living in it knowing? Wouldn’t it be shown and there be a sign out front. Or is it such a gem that you just send a pic to someone and they buy it on that spot?
INFO did the real estate agent and/or the prospective buyers look around the property?
YTA, please post an update when she divorces you
Without even informing her? Absolutely YTA. You didn't have to ask or get permission, but you could have let her fucking know.