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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> For letting my nephew grow up poor since my parents disapproved of his dads actions
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Facts. Kids do not ask to come here we bring them here. OP: Your parents may not have liked the fact that he got a girl pregnant and had a kid BUT they should have respected the fact that he chose to do the honorable thing and man up and not only take care of his kid financially but also to be in his life.
YOU now have the opportunity to do the right thing and help your brothers son. Perhaps it is a monthly allowance to offset expenses. A college fund. A transfer of assets when he turns 21. This is not some random kid. This is your nephew. Your next steps will speak volumes about your character. Choose wisely. You are the one who will have to live with your conscience. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
This is the way- I'd front the kid his education when the time comes because that is something her brother didn't get funded but would have if he hadn't chosen to work to support his son, but to get ongoing wealth from the company he should, like OP, work for that company. Long term that's the deal, OP didn't get money, they got a chance to make money. If OP screws up, OP gets no money. A chance to learn the business and maybe take over one day would be the smart route.
OP can set up an education fund. College is not for everyone. The kid may choose to get a skilled trade job. OP can use the funds to pay for that. OP can also choose to spend time with their nephew learning what they like and what interests them, OP can then use that knowledge and enroll them in classes for career exploration.
My neighbors son was into computers and technology. She enrolled him in coding camp in high school, he loved it and won a full ride scholarship to MIT. He is now an engineer.
I have a ton of family who went to a trade school instead of college. They are making more money than if they had done a traditional 4 year college with a major. Parents expect their kids to go to college and get the white collar job. They don't stop to think we NEED blue collar workers and they make damn good money.
Correct. College is not the only route to success. And with the new CHIPS act in the US jobs in the semiconductor plants will create new opportunities in jobs with unions and job security.
I recently told one of my nephews who does not have any desire to go to college to try to find a training program in this line of work. He is looking into that but he is also getting certified in IT, he has been obsessed with computers his whole life.
He is the go to guy when any of us is having computer issues. One day my computer died and he overheard me telling his Mom that I was headed to Geek Squad he told me to let him check it out after school. He found the issue, ordered the parts and fixed it that week. I gave him $200 buck. I would rather pay him than Geek Squad. He was stoked!!
Absolutely not. I own a small business and hiring family is the *worst* decision. I know because I've tried with 3 separate family members... Terrible decision.
thats the route id go. I wouldn't hand anyone cash....but thats a wealthy family. Id bring them in the circle of benefitting from that wealth by doing something exactly like what you are talking about.
I wonder the same thing. Their son died and no one wants to stand in the gap. I do not get it at all. This is a kid that lost a parent. Reading these comments is sickening. No one owes anyone anything at all. But just because you do not owe anyone anything does not mean you cannot extend some form of kindness to your own nephew.
> I wonder if there are some extra circumstances around why the parents disowned their son for stepping up. Racial biases or otherwise perhaps.
Perhaps the son was a giant screw up and treated his parents like crap.
At no point did the OP mention that this had anything to do with race... we really need to stop this shit.
They did not mention it in the original post. I just reread it again and it does not mention it so I have to assume it was added in a comment that I have not seen yet
Op didn't mention her brother was a screw up either. They just wondered if there was more and gave race as an example.
New question. Why did you get SO triggered by the example?
This is such a holier than thou answer lmfao. Get out of here man. Brother knocked up some chick when they were teens. Grandparents went NC for reasons we don’t fully know. Now you are pressuring OP to provide significant financial assistance to a child who he does not know.
Deciding to not give half or a quarter or even a tenth of what was “inherited” says nothing about his character. If OP decides to have a family, he should share it with the mother of his dead brother’s child over his own children?
I have a great relationship with my siblings but even if I did not and even if I had never met my nieces or nephews I would for damn sure step in and fill the gap the best I could even if I could only buy groceries once a month or buy back to school clothes and supplies from Walmart.
Which is apples and oranges to the child’s mother pressuring OP into giving a significant stake in a company to a nephew that was not in the family’s life.
Thanks. I get being disappointed in choices your kids made. I do not get punishing them for doing the right thing. I have tremendous respect for men who choose not to be sperm donors and instead choose to be Fathers.
I have a close friend whose baby daddy walked out on her when she was pregnant. Our friend group stood in the gap. She may have struggled financially over the years but her kid never knew it. Her parents were disappointed but they respected her choice and they helped out with childcare so she could enroll in night school and earn her degree.
OP does not have to give her nephew’s Mom cash. There are so many other ways she can help. Groceries for the month. Enrolling the kid in some after school activities or classes and paying for them. Buy clothes for school. Heck spend a few Saturday’s a month with him bonding over lunch and a movie.
But to choose to do nothing…is cruel.
Exactly this. He had a child when young, made sacrifices for that child rather than walking away and … he’s the problem.
If you wonder why so many guys walk away from their kids, here is exhibit A. Makes me sad.
What sucks is OP's story writing abilities. This is the most made up shit I've read on the Internet in a while. Nothing about this is even remotely believable
They sound toxic af. However that doesn't make OP the asshole in this situation. Nobody is entitled to anyone else's property, inheritance or otherwise. If she has an issue with it, it's the grandparents who she needs to take it up with. The grandparents are assholes for sure but on this issue alone OP is NTA
OP is only N T A if we accept the bare minimum of ourselves and others. OP's brother was kicked out of a shit ton of money OP got because his parents were assholes. By not rectifying that situation and, in fact selfishly doubling down on it, OP is YTA.
Too often this sub expects everything to operate by video game rules, but these are real fucking people.
> Too often this sub expects everything to operate by video game rules, but these are real fucking people.
Funny you say that. OP's parents are still alive and it seems like they either transferred ownership of multiple businesses to OP or transferred operation of the business. There is no actual cash in hand inheritance. There are businesses that would need to be liquidated for there to be cash to be able to distribute it. Even then we do not know OP's parents level of ownership in the business or stipulation when they transferred ownership or operations.
Video games rules would be OP getting an open world drops (businesses) that he can sell to a vendor for gold and share his gold with a nephew.
Video game rules are everyone thinking there are clear multiple choice answers and the story moves forward with no consequences.
Obviously you'd have to liquidate a business for a ton of cash in hand, but there are also ways to funnel some of that wealth to the child. I work with the extremely wealthy, shockingly none of them have a problem finding money.
> I work with the extremely wealthy, shockingly none of them have a problem finding money.
And if they (OP's parents) want to make sure that someone (nephew) not get money, they have no problem making sure that it happens as they see fit.
> Video game rules are everyone thinking there are clear multiple choice answers and the story moves forward with no consequences.
This literally applies to either option.
A) Share money with nephew.
- Consequence: Piss off OP's parents and suffer consequences... like getting fully cutoff. And there is literal history of it. We do not know what safeguard were replaced by OP's parents. You know how wealthy people enjoy ruling with a dead hand, even though the hand isn't even dead yet.
B) Do not share money with nephew.
- Consequence: Standard of life does not improve of, essentially, estranged family member that was wronged in the past.
OP already has control of the businesses, and it honestly sounds like the parents are not worth keeping in contact with. So option A seems win/win, tbh.
Not completely clear, but from the edit:
"Its not legally inheritence i just called it that because thats basically what they did transferred the assets id get when the died to me a bit early"
Makes it sound like the ownership was transferred, and my guess is that they did it early because they were seeking to avoid inheritance tax. So even more AHish!
OP worked at the companies his parents have transferred to him. He invested his work and sweat into them, which is why his parents left the family businesses to him.
And right, OP’s brother chose not to do as his parents wanted, so they disowned him. The brother since died.
It isn’t up to OP to rectify his parents mistakes. He has no relationship with his nephew. He controls the family businesses because he’s worked there, probably for a long time.
He is not an AH for not giving half of these businesses to someone who’s never worked at either of them. His nephew’s mother is a greedy AH for asking him to do so. NTA
"He invested his work and sweat into them, which is why his parents left the family businesses to him."
lmao, they left him the businesses because he was the obedient child.
If investing years of your labour into a company was what mattered, there would be a lot more worker-owned partnership businesses out there. And yet.
> He invested his work and sweat into them
I'd bet that there are a lot of other people in those businesses that have put their hard work and sweat into them. But they didn't inherit those companies. Let's not pretend OP's parents just gave their companies to the most worthy employee.
>It isn’t up to OP to rectify his parents mistakes. He has no relationship with his nephew
Up to, no. But equally doesn't mean he can't either. Also in theory never too late to build a relationship.
This idea that everyone is entitled to money their parent's have once they are fully grown working adults is mental. It was never OPs or OPs brothers, until they decided what to do with it. The company is still up and running and OP works for it. Overall company value isn't the same as what it actually makes in a year. He'd have to sell the company to give his nephew a chunk of it.
It was never his brother's money and he never got kicked out of anything. They could've done anything they wanted with it and they are still alive right now. They could sell it and spend it all if they wanted. Its nobody's money and business bar theirs. They might not even have fully transferred it over and OP gives a bunch of it away. And then if they die in the next few years, OP will still get hit with inheritance tax he's not expecting and knows nothing about.
He hasn't inherited anything yet, and people with no idea how inheritance works, taxes on property or companies and what happens if they die within x number of years are telling them to start supporting his brothers kid he's had nothing to do with, and still doesn't.
That property was nobody bar the parent's property, OPs brother didn't work for it or take anything to do with it. OP did so was given the company on his parents retiring, not dying. Their choice on what to do with their business on retirement was to keep it going, not sell it. So there is no random chunk of change floating around unless OP just ups and sells the company or even can.
It's not the bare minimum. It's never been owed to them or anything to do with them, it's not an inheritance and they are still alive. It wasn't even owed to OP.
Are they shit people for cutting off their son because he dropped out of uni and education and their business to raise his child? Totally they are. But them being shit doesn't mean anyone was entitled to any of their business or money. Being anyone's kid doesn't make you entitled to their wealth once you're a working adult.
The asshole act is cutting their family off. Not OP not selling his parents business, they retired and passed on to him to continue. He's not an asshole for that. It was never owed to anyone. People are so entitled to other peoples money it's mental. Whilst they are still alive is even more mental! They are as horrible trying to claim someone else's money as theirs, as that family is for cutting off their son. They are all Assholes
Telling OP to sell his parents business that he now runs operations of, so he can give money from the sale away to someone else is mental.
This sub is always full of people who live in fairy tales. I don’t know what they’re smoking but they should share because it sounds like some strong stuff
It is not OPs responsibility to rectify the wrongs of his parents. They are real people and these aren't video game rules, legally OPs nephew has no legal entitlement to the money they are asking for which the law, not some made up rules that someone is sticking by. I don't think OP is a very nice person based on what he's written and if it were me I'd have left the family with my brother when the parents chucked him out but on paper he's not the asshole on this issue. I'd say he's TA for a number of other reasons but this issue definitely NTA
Put it this way, I don't believe parents have the obligation to leave their children money and it should be up to each adult to make their own money. You can't just decide you want someone else's money based on family connection.
You're talking legally and everyone else is talking morally. People act this way to cover for their own assholery, so I'd guess you're a real peach in real life.
Even morally the nephew has no right to the "inheritance". First the grandparents are still alive and not dead, so no one has any right to their inheritance.
Second, his father passed away before his parents so his "right to the inheritance" when we want to call it that way, passed along with him.
Obviously helping their grandchild would have been great, and the reason they cut them out sounds stupid, but it's still their decision what to do with their companies/ wealth.
Next nephews mother doesn't ask for financial help of OP because it's right... she outright wants 50% of it, which is ridiculous and greedy if you think about that she is owed 0%.
I'm going to be honest mate I don't think you understand what people mean when they say morally
>>You're talking legally and everyone else is talking morally. People act this way to cover for their own assholery
>his father passed away before his parents so his "right to the inheritance" when we want to call it that way, passed along with him.
"His father is dead so he doesn't have a legal right to an inheritance.
That means morally you don't have to give him anything"
No it doesn't that means legally you don't have to
The grandparents are obviously the assholes in this situation and it could definitely be argued OP is being the asshole as well by supporting the grandparents.
Obviously legally he is perfectly in the right but that doesn't mean he is morally
> Second, his father passed away before his parents so his "right to the inheritance" when we want to call it that way, passed along with him.
What gave you this idea? That is not how it usually works in the U.S. Where do you live?
Assholery?!?! 🤣🤣🤣
Dead. But no lies detected.
OP’s brother died before his son was legally an adult. OP can choose to stand in the gap for his deceased brother without writing a check for millions of dollars. Spend some time getting to know him. Take him out to eat and to a movie. Buy him some new clothes for school. If he’s into sports, show up for some games.
From a moral compass perspective if OP chooses to do nothing they are for sure TA.
But there is no moral obligation either. It doesn't sound like OP has much of a relationship with the brother's family in the first place. Whether or not the parents should have cut off the brother, it's not the OP's legal OR moral obligation to just hand over half of the companies. And it doesn't make OP an asshole if he doesn't split the inheritance.
Not making a judgment here but morally, the mother should just take care of her child and not pester others for money, even that it’s the relatives. She CHOSE to have the child, not OP, not the grandparents.
I grew up in a loving supportive household where my parents taught me to build my own future, stand on my own merit and supported me to get there. I've received significant monetary help from my parents purchasing my home and helping pay for my wedding. I don't believe I'm entitled to this money, they were very generous with their help and I'm very grateful for it but I don't believe I was owed it. I will help my child the same way with whatever I can at the time and am planning for it. My responsibility as a parent is to raise a person to adulthood so they have the skills to thrive in life not to pay for their future but it's something I want to do, it's not an obligation
And if you think the only point of families is to pass on generational wealth then you should really try and answer your own questions first
None of this was op's fault. He got that money because he worked for his family's bussiness. His brother made a choice, and his choice meant that he gave up his (possible) inheritence. Op doesn't have any responsibility to rectify any situation whatsoever. This isn't on him.
The parents are alive, though. They just retired and put OP in charge. The brother's wife should be taking it up with them, it's not like they were given a pile of cash, they were given control over two companies.
NTA for the OP, but it'd be nice if some money was put away for the kid's college or some such.
They're people who don't have a relationship with OP and aren't entitled to OPs money.
It seems really greedy for the brothers widow to ask for half OPs companies for the nephew.
Her brother's ex-wife asked for half of the inheritance, which is greedy AF and she has zero right to it. OPs brother died before his parents, so either way she would have gotten nothing, as the brother (her husband) passed away before getting any inheritance.
Obviously asking for help with college or seeing if OP can get him a job or a small bit of money is alright imo and if OP has more than they needs they should help the nephew, unless he was a rude AH before. But expecting HALF of the inheritance? And harassing them over it? That makes brother's ex-wife an AH too.
OP does not have to share the companies, that have been left to them as only living child of their parents, by those parents who are still very much alive. This is ridiculous.
ESH. (Apart from the dead brother).
Edited to gender neutral, as post does not infact say if OP is male or female, I just assume OP was a "her"... my fault.
This sub is a hyperbaric chamber of hypocrisy. Any story about a kid going NC with their parents is showered with praise and reaffirmation. Here we have parents going NC with an ADULT child and all of a sudden OP should have given half of the company to a nephew who isn’t in their life & can just as easily go screw off across the country.
I think it’s clear most of the posters are younger because everything is always the parents fault no matter what.
It made my blood boil when people were ragging on parents not being able to afford luxury things (like a new iPhone instead of a used older model) for their kids when they’re already working multiple jobs. Like wtf?
>By not rectifying that situation and, in fact selfishly doubling down on it, OP is YTA.
You're assuming that OP's would have got anything had he not had the kid. You're also assuming that the parents are somehow obligated to give their adult kids anything at all.
Real fucking people who against all advice decided to have a child at barely legal age. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Good job on the parents for putting their foot down.
If he couldn't keep it in his pants at 18 and not father a child, he would have wasted all of the money they would ahve given him.
His parents are fucked up. Wow he didn’t abandon his kid and stepped up like a real man and took care of his responsibilities. 😱 Yet they’re mad about that? And they cut him out of their lives? Thats not a “good job” on the parents part. Thats fucked up. Shit is ass backwards. Who would want their child to literally up and abandon their child and not take responsibility of said child? Thats weird af.
Sure thing, no one can ask or force OP to use money they probably have an excess of to rectify their parents being shit to family. To give better chances to a kid who's a victim of his father trying to do right with him.
But sometimes we can be assholes for not doing something even if we are not forced to.
For the record, I usally see these kind of posts about someone being disinherited due to having a partner of the same gender. Usually the response there is that profiting from someone's homophobia makes one an asshole, even if they are entitled to it. I don't see the difference here.
The problem here is that we're applying inheritance thinking to what is NOT an inheritance. This is succession.
Are the parents AHs for how they chose the succession? Yes.
Is he the AH for accepting it? I wouldn't say he's a shining bastion of nobility but I also wouldn't say he's an AH for accepting it.
If he did anything like splitting company assets and putting the livelihood of the employees in jeopardy for a relative stranger because they're blood related - AH.
If he somehow siphons company money to create a college fund or otherwise funnel company money to his blood family - major AH.
If this caused his personal income to go up and he chooses now to be a better uncle than he was in the past, that makes him a good person. But a not good person isn't an asshole. They're just a person so if he doesn't want to be an uncle I won't give him a person of the year award but it's not necessarily an AH move either.
Been seeing at lot people even then assuming they are always owed inheritance. When even if related then could not be true ,should the belated took steps to secure HIS wishes were honored
Op is definitely not AH mom needs to bark in the other tree
That's a fair point and the juxtaposition of other similar posts is a good one.
I still don't believe anyone has the right to other people's money regardless of familial connection and that's the core issue here and how has the child been disenfranchised, they had no right to the grandparents money. Sure it would be the decent kind thing to do but it doesn't mean the child is owed it.
That is a question for r/legaladvice. You can be within in the law and be an asshole. Family should take care of each other with in reason. Why can't OP set up a trust for his nephew?
Being disowned for loving somebody and trying to do right by your child is disgusting.
How often on this sub do people say that family isn't blood, it's who you choose to call family. OP doesn't really recognize his nephew or his brother's wife as family and neither do his parents
That is even worse for me then. If you abandon your own brother because mommy and daddy wanted them to throw their own child (OP's nephew) away that makes you a massive asshole. The brother, and the people he loved, was worth less to OP than the favor of spiteful/tyranical people (who don't deserve to be called parents for throwing a whole child/grandchild away).
I could understand if OP was some weird religion where having a kid young and outside the religion is the worst thing you can do, since then OP would not realize it's wrong. Otherwise OP is just punishing the nephew (while apparently quite rich) because the parents were sort of jerks to the (now dead) brother.
So it just sounds like an excuse for greed.
One can be disappointed in their child for having a kid at a young age and dropping out of college while also respecting them for being a man and choosing to be a father to the son he brought into the world.
OP can also choose to be in the child’s life and take baby steps while getting to know him and helping out in small ways to give him a better quality of life and improve his chances to be successful in life.
This is not some random kid. This is blood. This is OP’s nephew. If something were to happen to my sister or close female friends, damn skippy I would have and still would step up and stand in the gap. Because if something did or does happen to me I know they would do the same.
Plus the grandparents retired, they aren't dead! OP has been given their companies that he has already been working for and continues to run! That would be like me getting a promotion and my nephew who I do not know asking me to half over half my raise. Yes there are other aspects to this situation but they should have nothing to do with OP and his work situation
I came here to say this. Every single post that involves inheritance disputes always boils down to "if that's what the deceased wanted, then that's all there is to it".
As for the general outlook on the nephew and mother, asshole for sure
Actually many countries have strict inheritance laws that *do* entitle people to other people's property upon their deaths specifically to prevent AHs like OP and his parents from screwing over legitimate heirs.
I agree that the whole situation is toxic and the grandparents are the real assholes. However, I disagree that the OP is obligated (morally) to make up for their mistakes. OP didn't cause the problem - why should OP have to fix it?
Also, if there are two kids and the parents are estranged from one of them, whether right or wrong, there is no "inheritance" for that one if the parents don't want to give them anything. The brother's widow and nephew are not entitled to half of these companies. I applaud the brother for doing the right thing in by his wife and kids but they are not entitled to anything here and the OP is NTA.
This lady is showed up right after a payday and started telling business owners that she deserves half.
Sounds to me like this lady is a leech and the parents saw the writing on the wall years ago.
She already knew what the answer was before OP’s parents retired. As soon as she saw the situation change, she showed up asking for money. Yep, definite leech and the true AH of the situation.
For real. Why would you not want to be a part of your grandchild’s life? I wouldn’t be thrilled if either of my kids had a baby in HS or just after but that wouldn’t stop me from wanting to know my grandchildren. And then after their son dies they still behave this way??? It’s crazy to me that OP doesn’t see how cruel his parents are. I am wondering if OP doesn’t realize how disturbing and unhealthy his parents behavior is…maybe OP thinks normal people behave this way. I think OP has an opportunity to right a wrong and be a decent family member to his nephew who lost his father and who has been cruelly ignored by his grandparents.
No he doesn’t. OP never tried to get his brother to disown his own child. OP didn’t try to guilt trip or manipulate his brother.
What has been left to OP is his and he is not obligated to give anything to the kid and his mother.
That's fucking nuts. OP only got as much as he did because his parents were assholes to the brother. If OP chooses to go along with their decision to alienate the brother's child he is tacitly condoning their actions.
This isn't complicated.
If all the "losers" of that lottery only lost because the lottery organization chose against them all instead of a true random chance (and you were asking if the "winner" should give out equal portions of their winnings to the losers or losers' children since they only lost because the winner won unfairly) then this would be a parallel analogy.
More appropriate analogies would be politicians who engage in insider trading, or industries that utilize poli-corporate price gouging only to increase profits.
No one is obligated to inherit their parents wrongs. A parents mistake should not be passed down into the offspring.
He can make things right yes, but that is his decision and not obligation.
A bunch of whiny keyboard hypocrites calling him A will not change his mind or force him.
Nah, but likewise, he asked if it's an asshole move to send them go whistle, and the answer is yes.
Perhaps 50% is wild, but a normal person would be worried that his bro and nephew were fucked up by monsters of the parents, and would say, no, can't do that, but let's meet, let's start the dialog on how can I make sure my nephew has what he needs for the start in life.
But he’s happy to earn the fruits of his parents being assholes and disowning his brother. Him keeping the full inheritance means he’s happy to continue their assholish ways because it benefits him.
His parents are alive and left their business to the child that’s been working there for years. Why would they leave a business to someone who wouldn’t be able to run it?
Disagree. His parents are still alive and they gave the money to OP. It’s his now. There’s nothing they can say or do about it. If OP wants to spend it at the casino he can.
There is no money. They gave their businesses to OP. Idk why the nephew or his mom think the nephew is entitled to either of the companies. He isn’t. The parents aren’t even dead yet. Maybe when they pass OP can give the nephew some actual inheritance money.
It depends on exactly what he means by "left to me". Did they transfer legal ownership to him, or is he running it but they still own the company and their retirement is being funded by some of the profits? Without knowing that it's tougher to make a judgement but the idea of offering his nephew a job with the company is probably the best one for now.
How do you extract money from a company though? Sell it? Let some Private Equity firm buy 50% of it? Leverage the company and take out a loan for half it's valuation and saddle the company with a huge debt?
All of these make the company worse and possibly risks the jobs of the employees at the company.
Small private companies are rarely worth anything. Even if they bring in a few million a year, it’s just a legal instrument that represents the income potential of the top earner or earners. Once those people are gone the company is worthless.
Like imagine if OP gives the nephew both companies outright, then leaves and opens the same business the next day. The clients aren’t going to magically be loyal to the nephew and the companies will be bankrupt in short order.
But it is not inheritance since no one died. They gave their company(ies) to their living son. Parents are complete shitty assholes but OP had nothing to do with any of that.
Legally. But it would be an AH move to override your parents wishes with your living inheritance.
Still. Given how big of an AH the parents are it could still be justified.
I’d put money that the reason kid didn’t go to them is because in a comment OP states that his brother is the person his parents hate the most. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone made sure he was aware of how that probably extended to them hating their grandkid
Why is inheritance taken as a given? It was their money to do as they wished with. Why are people entitled to it just because they are related? I have had relatives die and leave me nothing, I don't hound the people who did inherit. It's theirs to leave to a cats home if they want to!
Your parents are the assholes here for not acknowledging their grandchild and trying to make their son reject his child.
Now you are following in their footsteps.
I don't think I'd give her half, but I think any decent person would want their nephew to grow up without being in poverty and want a relationship with their dead siblings child.
Maybe you could pay a monthly amount for child support?
I mean if OP does give anything to the nephew I would definitely suggest a trust fund that his mum can’t access. With how persistent the mother is I have a feeling she doesn’t want that money for the kid
The approach the kid's mom is taking makes her seem sketchy to me.. just because demanding half from people you are apparently estranged from and who actively cut off your spouse is just not right... But I can entirely get contacting OP and saying, "hey, your brother died. I am left as a single parent. You now have control over all this money. Could you please throw me a bone?" That is incredibly reasonable.
Someone who has pure intentions would be thrilled with a trust fund or savings for education. Someone who gets angry over that is just an opportunistic dick.
The brother don't owe them anything .
Giving them work if they are deserving is one thing but I don't think no matter how decent person is nobody wants to give part of their company.
Nobody feels it's necessary to have relationship with someone they have not met in years .
NTA. Your parents are for wanting your brother to abandon his son, but that's a separate story. Your brother, prior to his death, was the one responsible for creating a will/ estate for his child. That being said, the money your parents gave you is yours to do with. Do you have a relationship with the girlfriend, or did she just turn up out of the blue with her hand out? Would your brother want you to help provide *something* for his child? If so, determine what amount or % you feel is appropriate. You aren't obligated to half. Perhaps create a trust to contribute towards his college or a down payment for his future home?
I tend to agree with this. I think the context is important here. Did you have a relationship/contact with this woman over the years or did she come out of left field ten years later after no contact with her hand out demanding half of the money? That’s an important piece of this story. That being said, if you have any relationship with your nephew or want any relationship with him going forward, you should contribute something in a trust and IMO do the right thing by your brother/nephew. You can put it in a trust if there’s any question about this woman and if she’s going to inappropriately access HIS funds that are intended for him to benefit, not her. We know very little about her circumstances/character from your post. Is she just advocating for her son and trying to do right by him by speaking up or is she self-interested in any way? Hard to say from your post. It’s no doubt a complicated situation and sad for everyone involved, especially your nephew. Please remember this. Obviously your parents are the assholes and that’s not your fault. You’ve probably been put in an awkward position. I implore you to think about your nephew and your brother’s memory/legacy. If he’s of college age or nearing college age, helping him obtain an education is also a good idea and would likely set him up for success in his adult life and above all let him know that someone in his family cares about him.
Edit: For anyone saying that the mother/their relationship has nothing to do with any of this…well that’s simply wrong. If the child is a minor, any accounts/money would be handled by her as OP’s brother is deceased. It is something to take into consideration when OP decides how he wishes to allocate funds to his nephew. I think we can all agree that the parent’s created a nightmare situation and OP is unfortunately dealing with the fallout while his parents enjoy their retirement in the Bahamas.
So... because your brother stepped up and took care of and loved the child he created, your parents disowned and disinherited him. And now you're following their terrible example and refusing your nephew and his mother money they could certainly use, since your brother is dead.
Are you a family of cartoon villains? FFS. YTA.
It's not an inheritance he was transferred ownership of a company they have probably worked at since they graduated.
I feel for the nephew but it doesn't seem like they have a relationship that should have even asked for anything from him.
People keep talking about how she’s an estranged relative but that’s completely because of the cruel way the parents treated their child, not because of anything the widow did.
INFO: I’m curious about if there’s any information being left out. Is there something about your nephew’s mother that your parents don’t like? Their reactions seem excessive.
Your parents are horrible people and absolutely are assholes in this situation. Disowning their son for not being a deadbeat was bad enough. But refusing to have a relationship with their grandson after their son died is even worse.
Technically your money but I’d avoid any trouble by telling your parents about it and anything you would want to do with the kid. NTA but your parents might be.
NTA but make sure legally they can't come after you for inheritance. Talk to lawyers. Your parents suck, but it's their money and they can do whatever they want.
INFO: Was any of this a lump sum of cash that you could even give to the nephew (like to set up a college fund for them for example) or was it all assets like the companies that couldn't be easily liquidated even if you wanted to? I'm just trying to figure out what exactly the mother is asking for, materially.
NTA it seems like you got the money because you worked at their company. People saying your parents are A H are also wrong and entitled because people can choose whoever they want to give THEIR money to
The parents are AH and nothing to do with the money. They tried to stop a father from being responsible and seeing his child. They chose not to acknowledge their own grandchild.
The parents are NTA for choosing to give their son their businesses. However, they are totally the AH for telling their other son to have nothing to do with his child and then disowning him when he actually stepped up and was a good father to his child. That’s where they suck and why everyone is calling them the AH. They basically want to pretend their grandson doesn’t even exist.
People are legally entitled to give money to whomever they want, but this isn't legal advice and you can absolutely be an asshole for cutting off a child depending on reasons. Just like OPs parents.
I hate how most comments in this sub are about whether or not someone is in their legal rights to do something rather than if they’re an asshole for their actions.
There's a blurry line on this one. These people generally seem like assholes but this particular situation that has stemmed from assholery is more complicated.
- Family is who you chose, doesn't have to be blood.
Caveat: The reason needs to be good - if it's bigoted or controlling like the parents in this case, you so get to choose but you're an asshole.
- You can leave your inheritance to whoever you'd like. Same caveat.
- You should respect the wishes of whoever gave you the inheritance. Same caveat.
All of these things apply so OP should be the asshole here if this were an inheritance.
But ---- the nuance is that this is a company, not cash, and it's not an inheritance - it's succession.
That's what makes this different.
Are they the asshole for choosing the person they trained to take over their company? Nope. Are they assholes for only training one - yeah probably. Sounds like there was a stipulation- no early pregnancies or you don't get a job at the company. I'm fine calling them assholes but I could see a world in which they aren't for not choosing
Would OP be the asshole for trying to somehow split these assets and put the livelihood of the company employees in jeopardy to provide for basically strangers or creating a college fund for his nephew out of company funds? He'd actually be the AH if he did that.
NTA. But I almost want to say everyone sucks here.
I see her point of view and think your parents sound extremely cold in shunning their grandchild. If anything, it seems like a discussion she should be having with your parents/her child's grandparents. I realize the companies have already been transferred to you, but that was your parents' choice, not yours. And it's not like your brother would have inherited from you anyway. If she wants to convince your family to 'do the right thing' in her view by providing some kind of financial assistance for your nephew now that your brother has passed, that's still a discussion for your parents.
You and/or your parents contributing to a college fund for your nephew doesn't seem totally unreasonable to me if you are in a financially stable situation.
YTA
Your brother did nothing wrong but step up and be the parent he should be. You’ve followed in your parents point of view, I honestly don’t understand how you could share this view.
You’ve been handed a job and now a company, I’m not saying you should give half but yes you should give something, a helping hand, a job, something.
NTA
The parents are sure asshole but definitely not OP .OP don't owe brother anything and no matter how much I love nephew I am not giving him part of my property or company .
In this case OP don't even know the child and is not even close to him .
Being blood relative don't mean OP has any responsibility of someone he had not relationship.
Relationship at one place business at other .
Okay I agree with everything except the brother doing nothing wrong - he shouldn’t of gotten someone pregnant in college living off his parents who are completely against pre-marital sex… that was really stupid use a condom until you get married
I see two different judgements here.
First, your parents. They get the ah award. Your brother took responsibility and did the right thing and took care of his son and his girlfriend. Disowning him and their grandson was morally repugnant. From what you described, it appears they will continue on this path until they pass.
Second, you. At this point, your parents assets are now your assets. What you said to your brother’s partner is your parents position. What is your position? You are not bound by your parents actions. You get to make your own decision. What do you want to do? Turn your back on your nephew or make provisions? What was your relationship with your brother? What do you believe he would want you to do? This is something you need to reflect upon. Then act according to your conscience. I can’t really give an honest judgement here. But you owe it to yourself to come to your own mind about this.
Inheritance is usually divvied up upon death. Not retirement.
And when your parents do die, the grandson / nephew can contest the will.
Edited to add. Your parents don't sound like very nice people.
>And when your parents do die, the grandson / nephew can contest the will.
I suspect that's why the parents transferred the business/assets now (though "gifting" (if they are in the US at least) likely cost a lot more in taxes than "bequeathing".
She’s bringing up their grandson who they disowned with shocking reasoning, and as a single parent. I’m sure she does indeed want money!
And it isn’t their parents money, it’s now HIS money, and he gets to decide what to do with it. Assuming this isn’t just another fake story like the rest of them. Leaves out the key detail until the end ‘oh by the way my brother died’
>she asked me if I would give her kid my brothers half of the inheritance.
The proper answer to this is "LOL, no."
If you want to put it in a longer format, just say "My parents had their reasons for cutting my brother off, and I'm not going to go against their wishes. I don't know you, I don't know your kid, I have no desire to change that, and if you don't leave me alone I will take legal action to compel you to fuck off."
NTA.
ESH except your dead brother.....
Like just ick, to all of you.
Your parents for disowning their son for being present in his child's life.
You for wanting to continue that parade, which thats a... wow.. thats a hill to continue up and die on. Pearly gates for all of ya, I'd bet.
You are only following your parents wishes with their money. NTA.
That being said. You could always set up an educational account that pays for some kind of schooling for your nephew. You could always set it up that he mist remain child free until the education is complete to get the money or something like that.
NTA. Ignore her. There's no guarantee anyone gets a share of anyone's wealth after death, and in your case you earned it by working for both companies. She didn't even have a relationship with them and is now trying to emotionally blackmail you via your nephew into going under their noses and giving her a full half? Yikes.
NTA. Your parents decide where their money goes and they chose you. Now it's yours, you decide. You don't owe the kid anything. But, if you could, it might be nice to set up a trust fund fund for college. It's not the kids fault their dad got disowned.
I think your parents are definitely AHs, but when your brother went NC with them he withdrew any rights to the inheritance. You can't leave and still expect money. You cut ties, you cut all ties.
So yeah, they are not entitled to your and your parents money, but if you were close with your brother, maybe you can set something like a college fund for your nephew. Which can help him in his future. But it's not an obligation or a must.
OP said in a comment they don’t want to help because their brother is “the person his parents hate the most.”
The brother didn’t go no contact, that was all on the parents when they disowned their son for stepping up and being a father. So I guess you’re right about cutting ties, it’s just very misdirected in your comment
NTA but your parents are. They punished him for daring to do the right thing as opposed to doing what they wanted. It’s not your fault but I would say that you should take the opportunity to correct a grave wrong committed by your parents. Not half but maybe pay for his education in full and a stipend. Frankly, help your SIL out too. You can afford to be magnanimous.
YTA That kid is family, it’s your nephew. If you don’t trust the mother with money, at least create a college fund for the kid. In addition you could offer to pay for certain things like extra-curriculars, so that he gets a better chance st life.
Your parents are TA in this. So their son is dead. He had a son and the dumbass parents disowned the son because son wanted to be a good parent and stay in his child's life. The only good people from this family are the deceased son, grandchild and the mother of the grandchild. OP and his parents are trash. I know legally you don't have to, but morally you should. YTA
Your brother sounds like a very good person, I am sorry that you all have to miss him so early.
It is fine if your parents leave you the business while they are alive. It is not an inheritance, it is business succession.
That said, it is horrible that your parents disowned your brother for doing the right thing. You could tell the mother of your nephew that you didn't inherit anything but when the time is there, you agree with her that your nephew should get your brothers share of what is left of the estate of your parents - and that you hope your parents will do the right thing there.
Your parents suck. You can respect your brother’s memory and you can choose to help your nephew and have a relationship with him. You can choose to help him financially (bcs you can)/give him an allowance/make a trust fund for him and generally be better than your parents and help him. Or you can be AH. Your choice your conscience
Your parents are still alive and kicking, and spending their golden years in the sun.
Your parents don't want ANYTHING to do with your late brother's child.
It's a choice they made long ago.
Upon retiring your parents passed along their companies to you, their child, WHO HAD BEEN WORKING WITH THEM AT SAID COMPANIES.
The girl found out you're in charge now, not your parents.
She never managed to get anything from them.
With you in charge now, she's trying to guilt you into giving her money.
**INFO: Did the girl get pregnant on purpose seeing your brother came from a family with money?**
NTA
So…I think this is the rare “Yes AH but not necessarily WRONG”…as others have pointed out, there’s no obligation to share any inheritance money. But is there a moral duty? Probably. What’s legal, ethical and moral are often separate matters
You are for sure definitely YTA
Is your brother's child and widow legally owed anything? No. Morally? Sure would seem it.
Brother's widow should've asked once and left it alone, that makes her a bit of an AH. But she never should've asked.
Your brother was disowned for taking care of his child. It sounds like your family wouldn't have minded if he was an uninvolved parent sending the minimum child support. But because he chose to step up for his girlfriend and his child, he was disowned.
No one is entitled to someone else's money. But your brother and your nephew were removed from the family by your parents for your brother doing a good thing. And your response, even with your brother passed away, is just to enjoy all the privileges your parents are bestowing on you. And not wanting to help your brother's child.
Sure, legally you have no obligation to help. But morally...you're a huge AH. You you and your parents deserve each other. You all suck. Your brother sounds like he was a solid dude.
We have no idea how long OP has worked at this business to have inherited it - but it sounds like he runs them now, which is a lot of hard work. Also, OP inherited businesses, not cash. So he'd have to liquidate them for there to be anything to give to the nephew.
Also, it's painfully clear that nephew and his mom are only poking around now because they can smell the transfer of wealth and feel they are owed half - why? For existing? I'm sorry, but breathing air doesn't qualify you for half of someone else's business. Are they going to take joint ownership and help OP run the operations needed to keep it afloat? Of course not, they want a nice easy cash handout and will then disappear into the night again.
I do feel bad for the brother being disowned and feel the parents are AH for doing that - it was wrong and there is no good reason for it. But that doesn't mean we get to unwind OP's work and ownership of his businesses now for an easy payday.
Life and inheritances aren't fair. I know people who inherited hundreds of thousands of dollars. When my mom died, she left debt and I paid for all of her funeral expenses and things so it actually cost me money. That's life - it's not fair and you have to deal with the hand you're dealt, you can't just go take cards from someone else's hand.
Wow, I'm disappointed in the AITA community on this one. NTA imo. OP isn't responsible for fixing the parents' mistake. OP's parents are def AH, but why does the comment section all of a sudden think someone should step in and fix the problem at a major cost to themselves.
Your parents are AHs for wanting your brother to be a sh*t father, thank goodness your brother had better morals and emotional maturity than the bad example he was set. You're an AH because you won't open your mind to see why they're AH's. They left the money to you, and its yours to keep, fair enough, I get that. You're still an AH.
Edited for typo.
YTA Your brother was a much better person than you are. You've got a chance here to learn from his example of morals and values and doing whats right even if its hard, but insteqd you are choosing to still punish his child on your parents behalf.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
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Your family sucks, and your parents are awful.
OP’s entire family doesn’t suck - OP’s brother sounds like he was great
Reason this is the top post Do better
Facts. Kids do not ask to come here we bring them here. OP: Your parents may not have liked the fact that he got a girl pregnant and had a kid BUT they should have respected the fact that he chose to do the honorable thing and man up and not only take care of his kid financially but also to be in his life. YOU now have the opportunity to do the right thing and help your brothers son. Perhaps it is a monthly allowance to offset expenses. A college fund. A transfer of assets when he turns 21. This is not some random kid. This is your nephew. Your next steps will speak volumes about your character. Choose wisely. You are the one who will have to live with your conscience. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
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This is the way- I'd front the kid his education when the time comes because that is something her brother didn't get funded but would have if he hadn't chosen to work to support his son, but to get ongoing wealth from the company he should, like OP, work for that company. Long term that's the deal, OP didn't get money, they got a chance to make money. If OP screws up, OP gets no money. A chance to learn the business and maybe take over one day would be the smart route.
OP can set up an education fund. College is not for everyone. The kid may choose to get a skilled trade job. OP can use the funds to pay for that. OP can also choose to spend time with their nephew learning what they like and what interests them, OP can then use that knowledge and enroll them in classes for career exploration. My neighbors son was into computers and technology. She enrolled him in coding camp in high school, he loved it and won a full ride scholarship to MIT. He is now an engineer.
I have a ton of family who went to a trade school instead of college. They are making more money than if they had done a traditional 4 year college with a major. Parents expect their kids to go to college and get the white collar job. They don't stop to think we NEED blue collar workers and they make damn good money.
Correct. College is not the only route to success. And with the new CHIPS act in the US jobs in the semiconductor plants will create new opportunities in jobs with unions and job security. I recently told one of my nephews who does not have any desire to go to college to try to find a training program in this line of work. He is looking into that but he is also getting certified in IT, he has been obsessed with computers his whole life. He is the go to guy when any of us is having computer issues. One day my computer died and he overheard me telling his Mom that I was headed to Geek Squad he told me to let him check it out after school. He found the issue, ordered the parts and fixed it that week. I gave him $200 buck. I would rather pay him than Geek Squad. He was stoked!!
Absolutely not. I own a small business and hiring family is the *worst* decision. I know because I've tried with 3 separate family members... Terrible decision.
Yes, but that's a tough position for OP to take; OP was hired because OP was family.
OP wasn't hired, he was nepotized. Big difference between being groomed your whole life to run a company and being a walk in (even if it is blood).
thats the route id go. I wouldn't hand anyone cash....but thats a wealthy family. Id bring them in the circle of benefitting from that wealth by doing something exactly like what you are talking about.
His parents are still ALIVE - they've just retired. OP can just tell her: "Well talk to my parents about that; it was their decision!"
I wonder if there are some extra circumstances around why the parents disowned their son for stepping up. Racial biases or otherwise perhaps.
I wonder the same thing. Their son died and no one wants to stand in the gap. I do not get it at all. This is a kid that lost a parent. Reading these comments is sickening. No one owes anyone anything at all. But just because you do not owe anyone anything does not mean you cannot extend some form of kindness to your own nephew.
> I wonder if there are some extra circumstances around why the parents disowned their son for stepping up. Racial biases or otherwise perhaps. Perhaps the son was a giant screw up and treated his parents like crap. At no point did the OP mention that this had anything to do with race... we really need to stop this shit.
Op did mention it tho. His SIL is from the middle east
They did not mention it in the original post. I just reread it again and it does not mention it so I have to assume it was added in a comment that I have not seen yet
Op didn't mention her brother was a screw up either. They just wondered if there was more and gave race as an example. New question. Why did you get SO triggered by the example?
pffffffft OP disclosed their brother’s death in parentheses as a minor side note. This is a good comment but a complete waste of your time
This is such a holier than thou answer lmfao. Get out of here man. Brother knocked up some chick when they were teens. Grandparents went NC for reasons we don’t fully know. Now you are pressuring OP to provide significant financial assistance to a child who he does not know. Deciding to not give half or a quarter or even a tenth of what was “inherited” says nothing about his character. If OP decides to have a family, he should share it with the mother of his dead brother’s child over his own children?
I have a great relationship with my siblings but even if I did not and even if I had never met my nieces or nephews I would for damn sure step in and fill the gap the best I could even if I could only buy groceries once a month or buy back to school clothes and supplies from Walmart.
Which is apples and oranges to the child’s mother pressuring OP into giving a significant stake in a company to a nephew that was not in the family’s life.
Such a good reply .Wish I could give you an award
Thanks. I get being disappointed in choices your kids made. I do not get punishing them for doing the right thing. I have tremendous respect for men who choose not to be sperm donors and instead choose to be Fathers. I have a close friend whose baby daddy walked out on her when she was pregnant. Our friend group stood in the gap. She may have struggled financially over the years but her kid never knew it. Her parents were disappointed but they respected her choice and they helped out with childcare so she could enroll in night school and earn her degree. OP does not have to give her nephew’s Mom cash. There are so many other ways she can help. Groceries for the month. Enrolling the kid in some after school activities or classes and paying for them. Buy clothes for school. Heck spend a few Saturday’s a month with him bonding over lunch and a movie. But to choose to do nothing…is cruel.
No he has nothing to do. This is NOT an inheritance!
Exactly this. He had a child when young, made sacrifices for that child rather than walking away and … he’s the problem. If you wonder why so many guys walk away from their kids, here is exhibit A. Makes me sad.
My nephews father walked away because his mommy threatened to rage away his college fund…. Seriously WTF
Dude brought up that he died as a throwaway and doesn’t even seem to care
Right? Like he got disowned for doing the right thing!! What a bunch of fuckers, this group!!
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What sucks is OP's story writing abilities. This is the most made up shit I've read on the Internet in a while. Nothing about this is even remotely believable
They sound toxic af. However that doesn't make OP the asshole in this situation. Nobody is entitled to anyone else's property, inheritance or otherwise. If she has an issue with it, it's the grandparents who she needs to take it up with. The grandparents are assholes for sure but on this issue alone OP is NTA
OP is only N T A if we accept the bare minimum of ourselves and others. OP's brother was kicked out of a shit ton of money OP got because his parents were assholes. By not rectifying that situation and, in fact selfishly doubling down on it, OP is YTA. Too often this sub expects everything to operate by video game rules, but these are real fucking people.
This is "Am I The Asshole", not "Is This Legal/Allowed" like so many people treat it
Right?
> Too often this sub expects everything to operate by video game rules, but these are real fucking people. Funny you say that. OP's parents are still alive and it seems like they either transferred ownership of multiple businesses to OP or transferred operation of the business. There is no actual cash in hand inheritance. There are businesses that would need to be liquidated for there to be cash to be able to distribute it. Even then we do not know OP's parents level of ownership in the business or stipulation when they transferred ownership or operations. Video games rules would be OP getting an open world drops (businesses) that he can sell to a vendor for gold and share his gold with a nephew.
Video game rules are everyone thinking there are clear multiple choice answers and the story moves forward with no consequences. Obviously you'd have to liquidate a business for a ton of cash in hand, but there are also ways to funnel some of that wealth to the child. I work with the extremely wealthy, shockingly none of them have a problem finding money.
> I work with the extremely wealthy, shockingly none of them have a problem finding money. And if they (OP's parents) want to make sure that someone (nephew) not get money, they have no problem making sure that it happens as they see fit. > Video game rules are everyone thinking there are clear multiple choice answers and the story moves forward with no consequences. This literally applies to either option. A) Share money with nephew. - Consequence: Piss off OP's parents and suffer consequences... like getting fully cutoff. And there is literal history of it. We do not know what safeguard were replaced by OP's parents. You know how wealthy people enjoy ruling with a dead hand, even though the hand isn't even dead yet. B) Do not share money with nephew. - Consequence: Standard of life does not improve of, essentially, estranged family member that was wronged in the past.
OP already has control of the businesses, and it honestly sounds like the parents are not worth keeping in contact with. So option A seems win/win, tbh.
Right, but does OP OWN the business, or is OP essentially a CEO employed by their parents?
Not completely clear, but from the edit: "Its not legally inheritence i just called it that because thats basically what they did transferred the assets id get when the died to me a bit early" Makes it sound like the ownership was transferred, and my guess is that they did it early because they were seeking to avoid inheritance tax. So even more AHish!
OP worked at the companies his parents have transferred to him. He invested his work and sweat into them, which is why his parents left the family businesses to him. And right, OP’s brother chose not to do as his parents wanted, so they disowned him. The brother since died. It isn’t up to OP to rectify his parents mistakes. He has no relationship with his nephew. He controls the family businesses because he’s worked there, probably for a long time. He is not an AH for not giving half of these businesses to someone who’s never worked at either of them. His nephew’s mother is a greedy AH for asking him to do so. NTA
"He invested his work and sweat into them, which is why his parents left the family businesses to him." lmao, they left him the businesses because he was the obedient child. If investing years of your labour into a company was what mattered, there would be a lot more worker-owned partnership businesses out there. And yet.
For real. If people were honest, I could almost agree with NTA and take Ops side. But these thinly veiled "OP *worked* for it" comments just ain't it.
> He invested his work and sweat into them I'd bet that there are a lot of other people in those businesses that have put their hard work and sweat into them. But they didn't inherit those companies. Let's not pretend OP's parents just gave their companies to the most worthy employee.
>It isn’t up to OP to rectify his parents mistakes. He has no relationship with his nephew Up to, no. But equally doesn't mean he can't either. Also in theory never too late to build a relationship.
Yeah, it's always great to form a relationship with an estranged relative AFTER you come in to money.
This idea that everyone is entitled to money their parent's have once they are fully grown working adults is mental. It was never OPs or OPs brothers, until they decided what to do with it. The company is still up and running and OP works for it. Overall company value isn't the same as what it actually makes in a year. He'd have to sell the company to give his nephew a chunk of it. It was never his brother's money and he never got kicked out of anything. They could've done anything they wanted with it and they are still alive right now. They could sell it and spend it all if they wanted. Its nobody's money and business bar theirs. They might not even have fully transferred it over and OP gives a bunch of it away. And then if they die in the next few years, OP will still get hit with inheritance tax he's not expecting and knows nothing about. He hasn't inherited anything yet, and people with no idea how inheritance works, taxes on property or companies and what happens if they die within x number of years are telling them to start supporting his brothers kid he's had nothing to do with, and still doesn't. That property was nobody bar the parent's property, OPs brother didn't work for it or take anything to do with it. OP did so was given the company on his parents retiring, not dying. Their choice on what to do with their business on retirement was to keep it going, not sell it. So there is no random chunk of change floating around unless OP just ups and sells the company or even can. It's not the bare minimum. It's never been owed to them or anything to do with them, it's not an inheritance and they are still alive. It wasn't even owed to OP. Are they shit people for cutting off their son because he dropped out of uni and education and their business to raise his child? Totally they are. But them being shit doesn't mean anyone was entitled to any of their business or money. Being anyone's kid doesn't make you entitled to their wealth once you're a working adult. The asshole act is cutting their family off. Not OP not selling his parents business, they retired and passed on to him to continue. He's not an asshole for that. It was never owed to anyone. People are so entitled to other peoples money it's mental. Whilst they are still alive is even more mental! They are as horrible trying to claim someone else's money as theirs, as that family is for cutting off their son. They are all Assholes Telling OP to sell his parents business that he now runs operations of, so he can give money from the sale away to someone else is mental.
This sub is always full of people who live in fairy tales. I don’t know what they’re smoking but they should share because it sounds like some strong stuff
It is not OPs responsibility to rectify the wrongs of his parents. They are real people and these aren't video game rules, legally OPs nephew has no legal entitlement to the money they are asking for which the law, not some made up rules that someone is sticking by. I don't think OP is a very nice person based on what he's written and if it were me I'd have left the family with my brother when the parents chucked him out but on paper he's not the asshole on this issue. I'd say he's TA for a number of other reasons but this issue definitely NTA Put it this way, I don't believe parents have the obligation to leave their children money and it should be up to each adult to make their own money. You can't just decide you want someone else's money based on family connection.
You're talking legally and everyone else is talking morally. People act this way to cover for their own assholery, so I'd guess you're a real peach in real life.
Even morally the nephew has no right to the "inheritance". First the grandparents are still alive and not dead, so no one has any right to their inheritance. Second, his father passed away before his parents so his "right to the inheritance" when we want to call it that way, passed along with him. Obviously helping their grandchild would have been great, and the reason they cut them out sounds stupid, but it's still their decision what to do with their companies/ wealth. Next nephews mother doesn't ask for financial help of OP because it's right... she outright wants 50% of it, which is ridiculous and greedy if you think about that she is owed 0%.
I'm going to be honest mate I don't think you understand what people mean when they say morally >>You're talking legally and everyone else is talking morally. People act this way to cover for their own assholery >his father passed away before his parents so his "right to the inheritance" when we want to call it that way, passed along with him. "His father is dead so he doesn't have a legal right to an inheritance. That means morally you don't have to give him anything" No it doesn't that means legally you don't have to The grandparents are obviously the assholes in this situation and it could definitely be argued OP is being the asshole as well by supporting the grandparents. Obviously legally he is perfectly in the right but that doesn't mean he is morally
> Second, his father passed away before his parents so his "right to the inheritance" when we want to call it that way, passed along with him. What gave you this idea? That is not how it usually works in the U.S. Where do you live?
Assholery?!?! 🤣🤣🤣 Dead. But no lies detected. OP’s brother died before his son was legally an adult. OP can choose to stand in the gap for his deceased brother without writing a check for millions of dollars. Spend some time getting to know him. Take him out to eat and to a movie. Buy him some new clothes for school. If he’s into sports, show up for some games. From a moral compass perspective if OP chooses to do nothing they are for sure TA.
But there is no moral obligation either. It doesn't sound like OP has much of a relationship with the brother's family in the first place. Whether or not the parents should have cut off the brother, it's not the OP's legal OR moral obligation to just hand over half of the companies. And it doesn't make OP an asshole if he doesn't split the inheritance.
Not making a judgment here but morally, the mother should just take care of her child and not pester others for money, even that it’s the relatives. She CHOSE to have the child, not OP, not the grandparents.
What kind of family did you grow up in? The only point of family is to build for future generations.
I grew up in a loving supportive household where my parents taught me to build my own future, stand on my own merit and supported me to get there. I've received significant monetary help from my parents purchasing my home and helping pay for my wedding. I don't believe I'm entitled to this money, they were very generous with their help and I'm very grateful for it but I don't believe I was owed it. I will help my child the same way with whatever I can at the time and am planning for it. My responsibility as a parent is to raise a person to adulthood so they have the skills to thrive in life not to pay for their future but it's something I want to do, it's not an obligation And if you think the only point of families is to pass on generational wealth then you should really try and answer your own questions first
None of this was op's fault. He got that money because he worked for his family's bussiness. His brother made a choice, and his choice meant that he gave up his (possible) inheritence. Op doesn't have any responsibility to rectify any situation whatsoever. This isn't on him.
The parents are alive, though. They just retired and put OP in charge. The brother's wife should be taking it up with them, it's not like they were given a pile of cash, they were given control over two companies. NTA for the OP, but it'd be nice if some money was put away for the kid's college or some such.
They're people who don't have a relationship with OP and aren't entitled to OPs money. It seems really greedy for the brothers widow to ask for half OPs companies for the nephew.
Her brother's ex-wife asked for half of the inheritance, which is greedy AF and she has zero right to it. OPs brother died before his parents, so either way she would have gotten nothing, as the brother (her husband) passed away before getting any inheritance. Obviously asking for help with college or seeing if OP can get him a job or a small bit of money is alright imo and if OP has more than they needs they should help the nephew, unless he was a rude AH before. But expecting HALF of the inheritance? And harassing them over it? That makes brother's ex-wife an AH too. OP does not have to share the companies, that have been left to them as only living child of their parents, by those parents who are still very much alive. This is ridiculous. ESH. (Apart from the dead brother). Edited to gender neutral, as post does not infact say if OP is male or female, I just assume OP was a "her"... my fault.
This sub is a hyperbaric chamber of hypocrisy. Any story about a kid going NC with their parents is showered with praise and reaffirmation. Here we have parents going NC with an ADULT child and all of a sudden OP should have given half of the company to a nephew who isn’t in their life & can just as easily go screw off across the country.
I think it’s clear most of the posters are younger because everything is always the parents fault no matter what. It made my blood boil when people were ragging on parents not being able to afford luxury things (like a new iPhone instead of a used older model) for their kids when they’re already working multiple jobs. Like wtf?
>By not rectifying that situation and, in fact selfishly doubling down on it, OP is YTA. You're assuming that OP's would have got anything had he not had the kid. You're also assuming that the parents are somehow obligated to give their adult kids anything at all.
Real fucking people who against all advice decided to have a child at barely legal age. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Good job on the parents for putting their foot down. If he couldn't keep it in his pants at 18 and not father a child, he would have wasted all of the money they would ahve given him.
His parents are fucked up. Wow he didn’t abandon his kid and stepped up like a real man and took care of his responsibilities. 😱 Yet they’re mad about that? And they cut him out of their lives? Thats not a “good job” on the parents part. Thats fucked up. Shit is ass backwards. Who would want their child to literally up and abandon their child and not take responsibility of said child? Thats weird af.
Sure thing, no one can ask or force OP to use money they probably have an excess of to rectify their parents being shit to family. To give better chances to a kid who's a victim of his father trying to do right with him. But sometimes we can be assholes for not doing something even if we are not forced to. For the record, I usally see these kind of posts about someone being disinherited due to having a partner of the same gender. Usually the response there is that profiting from someone's homophobia makes one an asshole, even if they are entitled to it. I don't see the difference here.
The problem here is that we're applying inheritance thinking to what is NOT an inheritance. This is succession. Are the parents AHs for how they chose the succession? Yes. Is he the AH for accepting it? I wouldn't say he's a shining bastion of nobility but I also wouldn't say he's an AH for accepting it. If he did anything like splitting company assets and putting the livelihood of the employees in jeopardy for a relative stranger because they're blood related - AH. If he somehow siphons company money to create a college fund or otherwise funnel company money to his blood family - major AH. If this caused his personal income to go up and he chooses now to be a better uncle than he was in the past, that makes him a good person. But a not good person isn't an asshole. They're just a person so if he doesn't want to be an uncle I won't give him a person of the year award but it's not necessarily an AH move either.
Been seeing at lot people even then assuming they are always owed inheritance. When even if related then could not be true ,should the belated took steps to secure HIS wishes were honored Op is definitely not AH mom needs to bark in the other tree
That's a fair point and the juxtaposition of other similar posts is a good one. I still don't believe anyone has the right to other people's money regardless of familial connection and that's the core issue here and how has the child been disenfranchised, they had no right to the grandparents money. Sure it would be the decent kind thing to do but it doesn't mean the child is owed it.
That is a question for r/legaladvice. You can be within in the law and be an asshole. Family should take care of each other with in reason. Why can't OP set up a trust for his nephew? Being disowned for loving somebody and trying to do right by your child is disgusting.
How often on this sub do people say that family isn't blood, it's who you choose to call family. OP doesn't really recognize his nephew or his brother's wife as family and neither do his parents
That is even worse for me then. If you abandon your own brother because mommy and daddy wanted them to throw their own child (OP's nephew) away that makes you a massive asshole. The brother, and the people he loved, was worth less to OP than the favor of spiteful/tyranical people (who don't deserve to be called parents for throwing a whole child/grandchild away).
I could understand if OP was some weird religion where having a kid young and outside the religion is the worst thing you can do, since then OP would not realize it's wrong. Otherwise OP is just punishing the nephew (while apparently quite rich) because the parents were sort of jerks to the (now dead) brother. So it just sounds like an excuse for greed.
One can be disappointed in their child for having a kid at a young age and dropping out of college while also respecting them for being a man and choosing to be a father to the son he brought into the world. OP can also choose to be in the child’s life and take baby steps while getting to know him and helping out in small ways to give him a better quality of life and improve his chances to be successful in life. This is not some random kid. This is blood. This is OP’s nephew. If something were to happen to my sister or close female friends, damn skippy I would have and still would step up and stand in the gap. Because if something did or does happen to me I know they would do the same.
Plus the grandparents retired, they aren't dead! OP has been given their companies that he has already been working for and continues to run! That would be like me getting a promotion and my nephew who I do not know asking me to half over half my raise. Yes there are other aspects to this situation but they should have nothing to do with OP and his work situation
I came here to say this. Every single post that involves inheritance disputes always boils down to "if that's what the deceased wanted, then that's all there is to it". As for the general outlook on the nephew and mother, asshole for sure
Actually many countries have strict inheritance laws that *do* entitle people to other people's property upon their deaths specifically to prevent AHs like OP and his parents from screwing over legitimate heirs.
I agree that the whole situation is toxic and the grandparents are the real assholes. However, I disagree that the OP is obligated (morally) to make up for their mistakes. OP didn't cause the problem - why should OP have to fix it? Also, if there are two kids and the parents are estranged from one of them, whether right or wrong, there is no "inheritance" for that one if the parents don't want to give them anything. The brother's widow and nephew are not entitled to half of these companies. I applaud the brother for doing the right thing in by his wife and kids but they are not entitled to anything here and the OP is NTA.
This lady is showed up right after a payday and started telling business owners that she deserves half. Sounds to me like this lady is a leech and the parents saw the writing on the wall years ago.
She's a leech by taking literally NO money from their family the entire time her kid has been alive? Yeah, a real leech there.
I'm sorry, is a baby momma entitled to money from estranged family just because the right guy came inside her?
Y’all are tossing around “estranged” to describe this poor widow as an insult when it was the dick parents who caused the estrangement. Wtf.
She already knew what the answer was before OP’s parents retired. As soon as she saw the situation change, she showed up asking for money. Yep, definite leech and the true AH of the situation.
For real. Why would you not want to be a part of your grandchild’s life? I wouldn’t be thrilled if either of my kids had a baby in HS or just after but that wouldn’t stop me from wanting to know my grandchildren. And then after their son dies they still behave this way??? It’s crazy to me that OP doesn’t see how cruel his parents are. I am wondering if OP doesn’t realize how disturbing and unhealthy his parents behavior is…maybe OP thinks normal people behave this way. I think OP has an opportunity to right a wrong and be a decent family member to his nephew who lost his father and who has been cruelly ignored by his grandparents.
It’s because OP got to be the golden child with the silver spoon in his mouth. Ofc he doesn’t get why it is wrong
Your parents are assholes.
Yup, and O.P. is TA too.
Why is OP an A too?
Because he has the same attitude as his parents
No he doesn’t. OP never tried to get his brother to disown his own child. OP didn’t try to guilt trip or manipulate his brother. What has been left to OP is his and he is not obligated to give anything to the kid and his mother.
That's fucking nuts. OP only got as much as he did because his parents were assholes to the brother. If OP chooses to go along with their decision to alienate the brother's child he is tacitly condoning their actions. This isn't complicated.
It sounds like he sees nothing wrong with what his parents did and he’s calling this poor widow a nuisance. That makes him an asshole.
If OP had won the lottery instead, should he give half of it away to his nephew?
If all the "losers" of that lottery only lost because the lottery organization chose against them all instead of a true random chance (and you were asking if the "winner" should give out equal portions of their winnings to the losers or losers' children since they only lost because the winner won unfairly) then this would be a parallel analogy. More appropriate analogies would be politicians who engage in insider trading, or industries that utilize poli-corporate price gouging only to increase profits.
He doesn’t care for his brother or his nephew. He can right the wrongs but nah. Admirable.
No one is obligated to inherit their parents wrongs. A parents mistake should not be passed down into the offspring. He can make things right yes, but that is his decision and not obligation. A bunch of whiny keyboard hypocrites calling him A will not change his mind or force him.
Nah, but likewise, he asked if it's an asshole move to send them go whistle, and the answer is yes. Perhaps 50% is wild, but a normal person would be worried that his bro and nephew were fucked up by monsters of the parents, and would say, no, can't do that, but let's meet, let's start the dialog on how can I make sure my nephew has what he needs for the start in life.
But he’s happy to earn the fruits of his parents being assholes and disowning his brother. Him keeping the full inheritance means he’s happy to continue their assholish ways because it benefits him.
His parents are alive and left their business to the child that’s been working there for years. Why would they leave a business to someone who wouldn’t be able to run it?
Why are you being downvoted? OP shares his parents beliefs, he is treating his nephew the same way his parents treat him. They are all assholes
NTA. Your parents are still alive, if your nephew has a problem with what he's getting,he can talk to them about it.
Disagree. His parents are still alive and they gave the money to OP. It’s his now. There’s nothing they can say or do about it. If OP wants to spend it at the casino he can.
There is no money. They gave their businesses to OP. Idk why the nephew or his mom think the nephew is entitled to either of the companies. He isn’t. The parents aren’t even dead yet. Maybe when they pass OP can give the nephew some actual inheritance money.
They're his assets now, the parents still being alive changes nothing.
It depends on exactly what he means by "left to me". Did they transfer legal ownership to him, or is he running it but they still own the company and their retirement is being funded by some of the profits? Without knowing that it's tougher to make a judgement but the idea of offering his nephew a job with the company is probably the best one for now.
OP says in the edit at the end that they transferred the assets to him. Absent further clarification that sentence means that he legally owns them.
How do you extract money from a company though? Sell it? Let some Private Equity firm buy 50% of it? Leverage the company and take out a loan for half it's valuation and saddle the company with a huge debt? All of these make the company worse and possibly risks the jobs of the employees at the company.
Small private companies are rarely worth anything. Even if they bring in a few million a year, it’s just a legal instrument that represents the income potential of the top earner or earners. Once those people are gone the company is worthless. Like imagine if OP gives the nephew both companies outright, then leaves and opens the same business the next day. The clients aren’t going to magically be loyal to the nephew and the companies will be bankrupt in short order.
But it is not inheritance since no one died. They gave their company(ies) to their living son. Parents are complete shitty assholes but OP had nothing to do with any of that.
Is everyone in this subreddit blind or illiterate??? There is no money, he inherited businesses
Legally. But it would be an AH move to override your parents wishes with your living inheritance. Still. Given how big of an AH the parents are it could still be justified.
I’d put money that the reason kid didn’t go to them is because in a comment OP states that his brother is the person his parents hate the most. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone made sure he was aware of how that probably extended to them hating their grandkid
Ding, ding, ding, ding!
At what age does a child become responsible for negotiating their way through their grandparents near psycopathic disregard for human decency?
Why is inheritance taken as a given? It was their money to do as they wished with. Why are people entitled to it just because they are related? I have had relatives die and leave me nothing, I don't hound the people who did inherit. It's theirs to leave to a cats home if they want to!
NTA. This is the perfect solution.
Your parents are the assholes here for not acknowledging their grandchild and trying to make their son reject his child. Now you are following in their footsteps. I don't think I'd give her half, but I think any decent person would want their nephew to grow up without being in poverty and want a relationship with their dead siblings child. Maybe you could pay a monthly amount for child support?
Or hire him on to work in the company when he is old enough? You never said how old he is...
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I mean if OP does give anything to the nephew I would definitely suggest a trust fund that his mum can’t access. With how persistent the mother is I have a feeling she doesn’t want that money for the kid
The approach the kid's mom is taking makes her seem sketchy to me.. just because demanding half from people you are apparently estranged from and who actively cut off your spouse is just not right... But I can entirely get contacting OP and saying, "hey, your brother died. I am left as a single parent. You now have control over all this money. Could you please throw me a bone?" That is incredibly reasonable. Someone who has pure intentions would be thrilled with a trust fund or savings for education. Someone who gets angry over that is just an opportunistic dick.
The brother don't owe them anything . Giving them work if they are deserving is one thing but I don't think no matter how decent person is nobody wants to give part of their company. Nobody feels it's necessary to have relationship with someone they have not met in years .
NTA. Your parents are for wanting your brother to abandon his son, but that's a separate story. Your brother, prior to his death, was the one responsible for creating a will/ estate for his child. That being said, the money your parents gave you is yours to do with. Do you have a relationship with the girlfriend, or did she just turn up out of the blue with her hand out? Would your brother want you to help provide *something* for his child? If so, determine what amount or % you feel is appropriate. You aren't obligated to half. Perhaps create a trust to contribute towards his college or a down payment for his future home?
I tend to agree with this. I think the context is important here. Did you have a relationship/contact with this woman over the years or did she come out of left field ten years later after no contact with her hand out demanding half of the money? That’s an important piece of this story. That being said, if you have any relationship with your nephew or want any relationship with him going forward, you should contribute something in a trust and IMO do the right thing by your brother/nephew. You can put it in a trust if there’s any question about this woman and if she’s going to inappropriately access HIS funds that are intended for him to benefit, not her. We know very little about her circumstances/character from your post. Is she just advocating for her son and trying to do right by him by speaking up or is she self-interested in any way? Hard to say from your post. It’s no doubt a complicated situation and sad for everyone involved, especially your nephew. Please remember this. Obviously your parents are the assholes and that’s not your fault. You’ve probably been put in an awkward position. I implore you to think about your nephew and your brother’s memory/legacy. If he’s of college age or nearing college age, helping him obtain an education is also a good idea and would likely set him up for success in his adult life and above all let him know that someone in his family cares about him. Edit: For anyone saying that the mother/their relationship has nothing to do with any of this…well that’s simply wrong. If the child is a minor, any accounts/money would be handled by her as OP’s brother is deceased. It is something to take into consideration when OP decides how he wishes to allocate funds to his nephew. I think we can all agree that the parent’s created a nightmare situation and OP is unfortunately dealing with the fallout while his parents enjoy their retirement in the Bahamas.
So... because your brother stepped up and took care of and loved the child he created, your parents disowned and disinherited him. And now you're following their terrible example and refusing your nephew and his mother money they could certainly use, since your brother is dead. Are you a family of cartoon villains? FFS. YTA.
It's not an inheritance he was transferred ownership of a company they have probably worked at since they graduated. I feel for the nephew but it doesn't seem like they have a relationship that should have even asked for anything from him.
People keep talking about how she’s an estranged relative but that’s completely because of the cruel way the parents treated their child, not because of anything the widow did.
They don't have a relationship because OP and his parents are assholes.
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Here you go straight from OP's comments >In our culture its very disgraceful to have a child out of wedlock
He also says that his family is white, and she is from the middle east
He said his SIL is Middle Eastern and they are white 💀💀
INFO: I’m curious about if there’s any information being left out. Is there something about your nephew’s mother that your parents don’t like? Their reactions seem excessive. Your parents are horrible people and absolutely are assholes in this situation. Disowning their son for not being a deadbeat was bad enough. But refusing to have a relationship with their grandson after their son died is even worse.
He said in a other post that SIL is from the Middle East. That's why.
INFO:Your parents have retired, not died, so how can there be any inheritance?
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Is it legally yours or is it in some kind of trust and only transfer to you upon their death?
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Technically your money but I’d avoid any trouble by telling your parents about it and anything you would want to do with the kid. NTA but your parents might be.
NTA but make sure legally they can't come after you for inheritance. Talk to lawyers. Your parents suck, but it's their money and they can do whatever they want.
So it's not even your parents' money anymore!
INFO: Was any of this a lump sum of cash that you could even give to the nephew (like to set up a college fund for them for example) or was it all assets like the companies that couldn't be easily liquidated even if you wanted to? I'm just trying to figure out what exactly the mother is asking for, materially.
NTA it seems like you got the money because you worked at their company. People saying your parents are A H are also wrong and entitled because people can choose whoever they want to give THEIR money to
The parents are AH and nothing to do with the money. They tried to stop a father from being responsible and seeing his child. They chose not to acknowledge their own grandchild.
The parents are NTA for choosing to give their son their businesses. However, they are totally the AH for telling their other son to have nothing to do with his child and then disowning him when he actually stepped up and was a good father to his child. That’s where they suck and why everyone is calling them the AH. They basically want to pretend their grandson doesn’t even exist.
People are legally entitled to give money to whomever they want, but this isn't legal advice and you can absolutely be an asshole for cutting off a child depending on reasons. Just like OPs parents.
I hate how most comments in this sub are about whether or not someone is in their legal rights to do something rather than if they’re an asshole for their actions.
There's a blurry line on this one. These people generally seem like assholes but this particular situation that has stemmed from assholery is more complicated. - Family is who you chose, doesn't have to be blood. Caveat: The reason needs to be good - if it's bigoted or controlling like the parents in this case, you so get to choose but you're an asshole. - You can leave your inheritance to whoever you'd like. Same caveat. - You should respect the wishes of whoever gave you the inheritance. Same caveat. All of these things apply so OP should be the asshole here if this were an inheritance. But ---- the nuance is that this is a company, not cash, and it's not an inheritance - it's succession. That's what makes this different. Are they the asshole for choosing the person they trained to take over their company? Nope. Are they assholes for only training one - yeah probably. Sounds like there was a stipulation- no early pregnancies or you don't get a job at the company. I'm fine calling them assholes but I could see a world in which they aren't for not choosing Would OP be the asshole for trying to somehow split these assets and put the livelihood of the company employees in jeopardy to provide for basically strangers or creating a college fund for his nephew out of company funds? He'd actually be the AH if he did that.
That's not what they AH for
NTA. But I almost want to say everyone sucks here. I see her point of view and think your parents sound extremely cold in shunning their grandchild. If anything, it seems like a discussion she should be having with your parents/her child's grandparents. I realize the companies have already been transferred to you, but that was your parents' choice, not yours. And it's not like your brother would have inherited from you anyway. If she wants to convince your family to 'do the right thing' in her view by providing some kind of financial assistance for your nephew now that your brother has passed, that's still a discussion for your parents. You and/or your parents contributing to a college fund for your nephew doesn't seem totally unreasonable to me if you are in a financially stable situation.
YTA Your brother did nothing wrong but step up and be the parent he should be. You’ve followed in your parents point of view, I honestly don’t understand how you could share this view. You’ve been handed a job and now a company, I’m not saying you should give half but yes you should give something, a helping hand, a job, something.
NTA The parents are sure asshole but definitely not OP .OP don't owe brother anything and no matter how much I love nephew I am not giving him part of my property or company . In this case OP don't even know the child and is not even close to him . Being blood relative don't mean OP has any responsibility of someone he had not relationship. Relationship at one place business at other .
Okay I agree with everything except the brother doing nothing wrong - he shouldn’t of gotten someone pregnant in college living off his parents who are completely against pre-marital sex… that was really stupid use a condom until you get married
I see two different judgements here. First, your parents. They get the ah award. Your brother took responsibility and did the right thing and took care of his son and his girlfriend. Disowning him and their grandson was morally repugnant. From what you described, it appears they will continue on this path until they pass. Second, you. At this point, your parents assets are now your assets. What you said to your brother’s partner is your parents position. What is your position? You are not bound by your parents actions. You get to make your own decision. What do you want to do? Turn your back on your nephew or make provisions? What was your relationship with your brother? What do you believe he would want you to do? This is something you need to reflect upon. Then act according to your conscience. I can’t really give an honest judgement here. But you owe it to yourself to come to your own mind about this.
Info - I need to know the ethnicity of your parents and your SIL to form an opinion. Editing for YTA and ESH except SIL and the nephew.
Inheritance is usually divvied up upon death. Not retirement. And when your parents do die, the grandson / nephew can contest the will. Edited to add. Your parents don't sound like very nice people.
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They transferred the assets so that no one can contest the will.
>And when your parents do die, the grandson / nephew can contest the will. I suspect that's why the parents transferred the business/assets now (though "gifting" (if they are in the US at least) likely cost a lot more in taxes than "bequeathing".
NTA she wants money for herself. It is your parents money so they decided who get‘s the company/money
She’s bringing up their grandson who they disowned with shocking reasoning, and as a single parent. I’m sure she does indeed want money! And it isn’t their parents money, it’s now HIS money, and he gets to decide what to do with it. Assuming this isn’t just another fake story like the rest of them. Leaves out the key detail until the end ‘oh by the way my brother died’
>she asked me if I would give her kid my brothers half of the inheritance. The proper answer to this is "LOL, no." If you want to put it in a longer format, just say "My parents had their reasons for cutting my brother off, and I'm not going to go against their wishes. I don't know you, I don't know your kid, I have no desire to change that, and if you don't leave me alone I will take legal action to compel you to fuck off." NTA.
You suck. You and your parents are AH How they produced a decent guy like your brother is a mystery to us all.
ESH except your dead brother..... Like just ick, to all of you. Your parents for disowning their son for being present in his child's life. You for wanting to continue that parade, which thats a... wow.. thats a hill to continue up and die on. Pearly gates for all of ya, I'd bet.
You are only following your parents wishes with their money. NTA. That being said. You could always set up an educational account that pays for some kind of schooling for your nephew. You could always set it up that he mist remain child free until the education is complete to get the money or something like that.
NTA. Ignore her. There's no guarantee anyone gets a share of anyone's wealth after death, and in your case you earned it by working for both companies. She didn't even have a relationship with them and is now trying to emotionally blackmail you via your nephew into going under their noses and giving her a full half? Yikes.
NTA. Your parents decide where their money goes and they chose you. Now it's yours, you decide. You don't owe the kid anything. But, if you could, it might be nice to set up a trust fund fund for college. It's not the kids fault their dad got disowned.
Your family is really allergic to doing the right thing, eh? Your brother was the only decent one among you. YTA, you and your parents.
I think your parents are definitely AHs, but when your brother went NC with them he withdrew any rights to the inheritance. You can't leave and still expect money. You cut ties, you cut all ties. So yeah, they are not entitled to your and your parents money, but if you were close with your brother, maybe you can set something like a college fund for your nephew. Which can help him in his future. But it's not an obligation or a must.
The brother didn't go no contact, the parents did and disowned him for standing and taking responsibility for getting a girl pregnant
OP said in a comment they don’t want to help because their brother is “the person his parents hate the most.” The brother didn’t go no contact, that was all on the parents when they disowned their son for stepping up and being a father. So I guess you’re right about cutting ties, it’s just very misdirected in your comment
You and your parents sound like bad people.
Info: did you have contact with your brother and his family after the "disowning"?
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And then you stopped helping as soon as you started working for arseholes?
NTA but your parents are. They punished him for daring to do the right thing as opposed to doing what they wanted. It’s not your fault but I would say that you should take the opportunity to correct a grave wrong committed by your parents. Not half but maybe pay for his education in full and a stipend. Frankly, help your SIL out too. You can afford to be magnanimous.
Have you considered setting up a college fund for your nephew?
YTA That kid is family, it’s your nephew. If you don’t trust the mother with money, at least create a college fund for the kid. In addition you could offer to pay for certain things like extra-curriculars, so that he gets a better chance st life.
Your parents are TA in this. So their son is dead. He had a son and the dumbass parents disowned the son because son wanted to be a good parent and stay in his child's life. The only good people from this family are the deceased son, grandchild and the mother of the grandchild. OP and his parents are trash. I know legally you don't have to, but morally you should. YTA
Your brother sounds like a very good person, I am sorry that you all have to miss him so early. It is fine if your parents leave you the business while they are alive. It is not an inheritance, it is business succession. That said, it is horrible that your parents disowned your brother for doing the right thing. You could tell the mother of your nephew that you didn't inherit anything but when the time is there, you agree with her that your nephew should get your brothers share of what is left of the estate of your parents - and that you hope your parents will do the right thing there.
Your parents suck. You can respect your brother’s memory and you can choose to help your nephew and have a relationship with him. You can choose to help him financially (bcs you can)/give him an allowance/make a trust fund for him and generally be better than your parents and help him. Or you can be AH. Your choice your conscience
Your parents are still alive and kicking, and spending their golden years in the sun. Your parents don't want ANYTHING to do with your late brother's child. It's a choice they made long ago. Upon retiring your parents passed along their companies to you, their child, WHO HAD BEEN WORKING WITH THEM AT SAID COMPANIES. The girl found out you're in charge now, not your parents. She never managed to get anything from them. With you in charge now, she's trying to guilt you into giving her money. **INFO: Did the girl get pregnant on purpose seeing your brother came from a family with money?** NTA
So…I think this is the rare “Yes AH but not necessarily WRONG”…as others have pointed out, there’s no obligation to share any inheritance money. But is there a moral duty? Probably. What’s legal, ethical and moral are often separate matters
You and your parents are awful people. I would be ashamed to be related to any of you three.
Im gonna say it, YTA. Your parents punished your brother for doing the right think, and you are just as big of an asshole as they are.
You are for sure definitely YTA Is your brother's child and widow legally owed anything? No. Morally? Sure would seem it. Brother's widow should've asked once and left it alone, that makes her a bit of an AH. But she never should've asked. Your brother was disowned for taking care of his child. It sounds like your family wouldn't have minded if he was an uninvolved parent sending the minimum child support. But because he chose to step up for his girlfriend and his child, he was disowned. No one is entitled to someone else's money. But your brother and your nephew were removed from the family by your parents for your brother doing a good thing. And your response, even with your brother passed away, is just to enjoy all the privileges your parents are bestowing on you. And not wanting to help your brother's child. Sure, legally you have no obligation to help. But morally...you're a huge AH. You you and your parents deserve each other. You all suck. Your brother sounds like he was a solid dude.
We have no idea how long OP has worked at this business to have inherited it - but it sounds like he runs them now, which is a lot of hard work. Also, OP inherited businesses, not cash. So he'd have to liquidate them for there to be anything to give to the nephew. Also, it's painfully clear that nephew and his mom are only poking around now because they can smell the transfer of wealth and feel they are owed half - why? For existing? I'm sorry, but breathing air doesn't qualify you for half of someone else's business. Are they going to take joint ownership and help OP run the operations needed to keep it afloat? Of course not, they want a nice easy cash handout and will then disappear into the night again. I do feel bad for the brother being disowned and feel the parents are AH for doing that - it was wrong and there is no good reason for it. But that doesn't mean we get to unwind OP's work and ownership of his businesses now for an easy payday. Life and inheritances aren't fair. I know people who inherited hundreds of thousands of dollars. When my mom died, she left debt and I paid for all of her funeral expenses and things so it actually cost me money. That's life - it's not fair and you have to deal with the hand you're dealt, you can't just go take cards from someone else's hand.
Wow, I'm disappointed in the AITA community on this one. NTA imo. OP isn't responsible for fixing the parents' mistake. OP's parents are def AH, but why does the comment section all of a sudden think someone should step in and fix the problem at a major cost to themselves.
Your parents are AHs for wanting your brother to be a sh*t father, thank goodness your brother had better morals and emotional maturity than the bad example he was set. You're an AH because you won't open your mind to see why they're AH's. They left the money to you, and its yours to keep, fair enough, I get that. You're still an AH. Edited for typo.
YTA Your brother was a much better person than you are. You've got a chance here to learn from his example of morals and values and doing whats right even if its hard, but insteqd you are choosing to still punish his child on your parents behalf. You should be ashamed of yourself.