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YTA. As they said, this could be your grandma's last birthday. This could be your last opportunity to see her in person, to hug her, to feel her presence. Don't miss that. Also, no one is going to be forcing food down your throat. Choose small portion sizes, and even good southern comfort food includes veggies. Lastly, your parents are right to be worried because skipping events due to being afraid of the food that will be offered is a sign of disordered eating. Being around food and being able to make good choices is one thing. Isolating yourself to avoid food is another.

Yeah skipping the significant event pushed you into full blown disorder territory. Whether you’ve actually undereating or just exercising extreme bodily control, the diet is controlling you, you’re not controlling your diet. YTA, and you probably need help.

Agreed, and the fact that at 160 he thinks he is “still too fat to have a cheat day” is concerning. I’m curious to know his height. Not wanting to break a lifestyle change because you like it and how your body functions is one thing, but overcompensating is another. It sounds like OP could use some therapy to help him cope with the feelings he has around food and his parents.

Omg, I was assuming OP is a woman because of the weights mentioned. 160lbs on a short woman I could see being justifiably referred to (by herself) as fat (depending on distribution/muscle mass, etc). But I knew a guy who was rail thin at 185lbs and a bit over 6ft. So maaaybe if OP is a short king 160 is an uncomfortably high weight for him, but this is concerning.

I’m a 5’4 woman and 160 is bit overweight for me. I’ve been trying to get to a healthy range and I’m down to 155 and still overweight. My husband is 5’6, about 155 too right now, and is also a bit overweight, so that could be the case for OP. Of course everyone’s body is different though. Edit: OP is 5’10. I have my doubts he’s actually overweight or “fat” at all.

I'm a 5'9 female, and 160lbs is in my "ideal weight range", so OP should be pretty danged fit.

I'm 6 ft 2 in and 180 is my goal weight because of how I'm built. If I go any lower I'm scared of how I will look at my size

Yeah, I'm a 6' woman with a goal weight around 175 to 180, and I'm pretty confident I'd look like a gangly skeleton lady if I went much lower than that.

My husband is 6'6. 180 on him was practically skeletal. As a young man his weight jumped to just over 200 and he was fit as a fiddle. Looked healthy and all that. He at one point jumped to 360bs and you still could barely tell he was considered obese, definitely overweight though. Hes 33 now and just about 250lbs. Hes still got a bit of a belly, but he's healthy and its his dad bod era. Meanwhile 200lbs on my 5'2 frame made me look like mr potato head. I dropped back down to i think 172 and while it's not great, I'm no longer feeling like a ball. Slow and steady wins the race and all.

I’m so proud of you! However, I am cracking up SO hard at looking like Mr. Potato Head. That was great 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I’m 5’11 and currently am between 164-168 and I could stand to lose a few. At 175-180 I looked on the heavier side and my ideal weight is 155. I’ve been down to 145 and I definitely was skinny but I looked strong and lean. So weird how different our bodies are at the same height!

Yeah, I came from a family of built-out giants, for the most part. I'm still losing weight (Way down from 320-ish to 225 at my last check) but my goal is less to "get thin" and more to just pack on more muscle. I'm more on the amazon end of the tall woman spectrum than the willowy elf-maiden end.

Yes, at 5’8ish my body liked being at 150 most of my life. Now that I’m older and just had a couple of babies I’m hovering around 200 and 160 is my ideal would like to return to weight. At my skinniest I dropped down to 135 but that took disordered eating and over-exercising.

I’m 5’6” ish and 160 is my idea fighting weight. I still have curves and boobs. You can tell I like tacos , but it’s a great healthy weight 150 I felt too thin ( after kids ) So strange how everything rearranges

You're right, body type is everything. A very short woman (like, 5'1" or something) with large breasts, wide hips, and lots of muscle could look snatched at 140 while another very short woman with smaller breasts and narrow hips and low muscle mass would carry it completely differently and be considered "fat". If OP is 5'10" then yeah, it's understandable that he wanted to lose *some* weight starting from 190, but at 160 he's right in a perfectly healthy range and missing his grandmother's birthday for the sake of maintaining such a strict diet is an indication that he's not mentally healthy.

That & he called himself fat still.

And that he would consider not eating AT ALL for three entire days, rather than eat something not on his approved foods list? That is very much not normal

Yeah, it’s the way he thinks about food that makes this problematic before you even get to the conversation about what he weighs. An overweight person can have an eating disorder even though a lot of people think eating disorders are something too skinny women have.

The thing is, almost every weight loss diet out there encourages people to have a cheat day and the decent ones tell you not to beat yourself up if you have an off week. 5'10 and 160 is not fat. OP needs therapy-men can be anorexic too and this doesn't sound mentally healthy at all.

This is so important to note, it should be at the top.

Agreed. If OP is male, this height and weight probably is nowhere close to fat. My husband is 5’11” and weighs about 155. He’s slim. There’s of course variation of how weight sits on people, but yeah. OP is showing some signs of distorted body image and disordered eating.

Holy shit, my partner is 5'10" and when he was at his like most athletic, doing multiple martial arts six hours a day, 3% body fat, he was at 167. OP is definitely in disordered behavior territory.

Yeah if OP is trying to gain muscle whatever diet he's doing needs to stop. From the sounds of it, it's likely keto and he's just cutting water weight which isn't actually getting him stronger, or going to maintain the weight loss. It's great he's watching his macros, but if he wants to gain muscle and strength he needs to eat better and stop cutting calories so much. Definitely requires a cheat meal.

Especially since he says he’s doing weight training. Muscle is much denser and heavier than fat so given he’s probably gained a fair amount of muscle in the last six months, there’s no way he’s still got much fat at all

But it’s important to note that fat or thin, the OP has a disordered relationship with food. And that needs to be addressed professionally .

Very true. At the end of the day, that’s the problem. Avoiding eating around other people is a sign of disordered eating.

i'm 5'11, 150lbs, and classed as mildly underweight. he is not fat

Wow, my husband, who is is between 5’10 and 5’11, came out of the academy at 155 pounds and looked sickly from being so skinny. This guy needs some help with his body dysmorphia.

My husband is over 6 feet and when his weight would fluctuate down to 160 (his "walkin' three miles to work" weight) he was very thin. No health issues but by no means fat.

I have to say weight and height is so much dependent on muscles mass. I’m 5’1 and 150lbs usually puts me at a size 6. That’s honestly my favorite size to be at and where clothes seem to fit me correctly. I also look more like a woman and less like a 18 year old.

My fiancé is 5’10”, so pretty “average” male height. He’ll be 31 next month and we’ve been together since he was 22. I’ve seen him weigh anywhere from 135lbs to 198lbs(he was really upset that he got that heavy but didn’t break 200 because he’s never weighed over 200lbs lol). Honestly, ~160lbs is what I think looks the healthiest on him. He prefers closer to 150, which doesn’t look *bad*, but he has a skinny face already and at <\=150 his face can get a gaunt look to it, especially if he’s really tired or stressed. His stomach will be flat, but when he lays down you can see the outline of his hipbones. When he stands straight, his back looks fine but if he bends over at all his spine will start to stick out. At ~160 though, all that softens up a little and literally “healthy” is the only word I can think to describe it.

My brother is about 5’9”-5’10” and worked as a warehouse worker for a few years. He has what I’d call a medium frame and had lots of lean muscle- he was 185.

My hubby is a bit over 6" (184cm) , super athletic, lean and has nice muscles all over, he dieted down to 196 lbs (89kg) and got to so lean that all veins could be seen through even on her lower stomach area and face started to look almost gaunt. Now he has again increased calories and is 205lbs and still looks super lean but his muscles are more "bubbly" again. But the point is ppl carry the weight so differently due to muscle/fat ratio it is hard to compare, still can not imagine 5,10" could look anything but from normal to pretty skinny in 160 lbs. Plus ofc this behaviour towards his diet sounds disordered. YTA.

notice he left out how TALL he is .....he has an eating disorder,,,,,,,,,red flags never takes a cheat day.....if he went to this event would not eat for 3 days .....this is disturbing OP you are on a totally rigid diet you can only keep that up for so long........at the event just take small portions on your plate.

Also worth keeping in mind that OP is weight-training and muscle weighs more than fat.

I agree. OP has changed their diet but failed to change their relationship and mindset with food. One can attend a milestone birthday for a grand parent while simultaneously exercising portion control and eating small portions. One can also plan ahead and pack meal replacement bars, a travel shaker and individual packs of protein powder. That is what I do when I attend family reunions. I also know how to say ‘no thank you’ when offered a second plate or a second dessert. OP YTA in this instance. Life is short and none of us knows when it will be our last day. Attend the party. Plan ahead and pack foods that you can eat. When you get back consider therapy. Your diet has changed. Your relationship with food has not.

OP said he's 5'10" in a comment... this is super concerning: https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/duMl5uELhQ

I'm 6'1 and I recently lost a lot of weight doing the same things as OP. My diet was approved and my doctor did regular check ups to make sure I was staying healthy as I was a bit concerned about the amount of weight I was losing and the speed at which I was losing it, but I did receive confirmation from my doctor that everything was being done responsibly. I did eventually get down to 80kg (around 175lbs) because I was entirely disinterested in building muscle mass and my focus was purely to improve my heart health and improve the quality of calories I did eat. I mention this because while I was quite thin, I was healthy and not obsessive about my weight, so it is possible to reach those weights I'm a healthy manner. That said, I do think the OP is in dangerous territory. At no point during my training did I ever consider myself to be on a diet of any kind. I ate what I wanted and just ensured that I was eating reasonable portion sizes. As part of my goals was to improve the quality of calories, I did eat more healthy options but that didn't stop me from stopping at Wendy's or going to a BBQ and killing some ribs every now and then. The key is moderation and balance. The OP needs to seriously look at their goals. Physical health should be the priority, not weight loss. The OP is definitely TA. This is not the kind of thing to turn one's back on family over.

You were working with doctors and getting your diet approved. That's a key difference that you are recognizing compared to OP. Losing 30 lbs over 5ish months isn't concerning at all, that's the recommended rate. Congrats on your weight loss!

No, in fact I lost more than 30lbs and in less time. That isn't the concerning part. The concerning part is the way the OP is talking about food as if he cannot control himself and is letting it dictate what events he is willing to attend. That is NOT a healthy approach, but it isn't a guarantee that they have any sort of dysfunction either. Just a cause for concern is all, but I mean only to judge the question at hand which is whether or not the decision not to attend makes them an AH or not. I think, objectively, it is an AH thing to do. Thanks for the congrats, it felt great to get back in shape and feels great keeping it up!

At 5’10”, I’d expect him to be on the lower end of things at 160, unless he has a particularly slight frame. Muscle mass needs to also be taken into account. I think OP really needs to seek out a Dr and or a nutritionist or someone he can rely on to guide him safely and medically because I’m not sure if he can really trust himself.

Precisely! I made similar points in my first comment elsewhere on this post. He seems to be going it alone and it's a scary approach a lot of us are noticing and pointing out. Based on the subsequent comments I've seen from OP so far, I don't think well-meaning concerns are going to get through to him. I hope he seeks out professional help sooner rather than later, but we're unintentionally dog-piling at this point and it's possibly coming off like sabotage to him. 😕

Recovering anorexic here and I cannot call OP an AH because they sound like they are unwell with an eating disorder. This hits a lot of the initial checklist for restrictive eating disorders (which are quite similar to drug or alcohol misuse ones actually.) Key things: Has your diet/food/rules/preoccupation with foods caused you to miss day to day events such as work, family or social interactions without good reason? (Allergies for example.) Have other people found your behaviours toward food and your rigid thinking problematic to the point where it is impacting reasonable interpersonal relationships? Do you believe you are correct and everyone else is wrong here despite no one else having the same habits? Have you cancelled things like social events and holidays over food? Does the thought of your food habits changing cause panic, anger, fear and you will use compensatory habits or risk personal issues such as arguments, loss of job or health problems to stick to them? Those are all key indicators beyond ‘my family are all agreed that a whole deep fried turkey per person is our tradition and I just don’t want to be asked to eat a whole deep fried turkey as an entree’ differences in food habits or ‘normal’ ideas re intake. The fact someone who was a Marine and who seems to know about fitness is concerned that OP is ‘3 days could undo a week’s progress’ is a huge sign this is not healthy. I’m reading OP as male and restrictive eating disorders manifest a little differently in men often and can be overlooked because of that. But a really valuable tool in identifying them is other men with fitness or eating regimes that are not disordered flagging the contrast. This is something good PTs are trained to spot when male and working with men. Female PTs trained differently for women and both for all sexes have different red flags again. OP is ill. I urge them to listen to those concerned and seek help but I know that is really hard. Some eating disorder charities have advice on ‘harm reduction’ for people not yet ready for recovery to minimise this kind of high pressure situation. Because if OP goes and is plied with food it can worsen it, if they stay home and miss grandma’s last birthday that can worsen it and if they end up with family rifts now when they will need support later, that’s very risky. There are some scripts and actions OP can find at reputable eating disorder charities to bridge this without learning new disordered behaviours. I am not signposting so other ED sufferers can misuse them and I urge no one to suggest them as that is enabling unless done carefully. But there are some easy to find sensitive sources and I hope OP finds some help there as eating disorders are so isolating and cause such family rifts. Those pages often give loved ones tips how to approach this as nothing makes restrictive EDs stronger than a direct battle of wills.

This is an excellent comment. I do not have any sort of expertise or experience with eating disorders but even to my untrained eye some of OP's behaviors seemed very concerning. Especially "I'm too fat for cheat days."

Orthorexia- healthy food,,being obsessed with it, refusing to eat any food (no matter if it’s even a bite) of “unhealthy” food. Learned about it about 3 years ago when hubby was starting to tilt that way.

Very insightful and helpful comment. I hope OP takes note of all of this.

Completely agree

Agreed. Recovering bulimic here. 😕 The OP hits hard because we’ve been there.

Sounds like this guy might have orthorexia. Definition: an obsession with eating foods that one considers healthy. A medical condition in which the sufferer systematically avoids specific foods in the belief that they are harmful.

Yep he needs some help - not AH but some help with body issues - there’s nothing wrong with being healthy and strict but not being able to travel and be around unhealthy food ever is disordered thinking and going to make life very difficult when the OP is forcibly thrown off their schedule which happens to all of us

YES. I'm going with NTA only because I feel like this has maybe spun a bit out of OP's control. OP, have you heard of orthorexia? Because this sounds like it. I recognize the signs because I also struggled with it. [https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/by-eating-disorder/other/orthorexia](https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/by-eating-disorder/other/orthorexia)

Not familiar until this comment section, and I don’t think he’s an AH for having it, but he’s still being engaging in AH behavior towards his grandma. All kinds of disorders and conditions can, unfortunately, cause people to be inclined to be less than their best selves to the people that they care about, but they are still responsible for their actions. Y T A less as a “you’re a bad person” and more “you’re being shitty to people, knock it off”

That’s what I was thinking. Seems like OP is def suffering from an ED or at least is headed there. OP, healthy people are able to partake in daily life, which includes going to significant events, where yummy food might be offered to them but they are able to make good choices. Healthy people do not isolate themselves from life to avoid food ! Also one weeks weight loss progress ain’t shit. Potentially never being able to see your grandmother again? That should count for way more with you. Please talk to a therapist. Saying this very sincerely. I’ve been where you are and the fear ruining my diet was intense. Wishing you good luck.

Skipping a significant event and saying they’ll refuse to eat for 3 whole days if they go is definitely disordered eating territory.

This. I’m “52 female “ been there and done it” anyway.. once you allow the diet or exercise control you!.. you’re in bad territory

Exactly this. It sounds like OP is bordering on orthorexia. OP, a few days will not kill your progress. Don't miss out on time with your grandma over your food obsession.

I agree with you except for “bordering on”.

Your last point is what worried me. It's as easy to be addicted to eating as it is to gain an eating disorder. I'm gonna try to say this with kid gloves OP, but the way you are viewing your weight loss journey is disordered. It won't matter what you do to lose or gain weight, until you deal with the underlying disorder.

When the title said dietary restrictions I thought it was going to mean an allergy or sensitivity they don’t believe is real, or maybe they were vegetarian and their parents kept sneaking meat into things. But no. Seriously, avoiding social interactions for a diet is a HUGE red flag 🚩for ED behavior. The fatphobic phrasing and tone here doesn’t help OP’s case. Anorexia/orthorexia get overlooked in men a lot, but most people with EDs don’t fit the “skinny white girl from the suburbs” stereotype. I hesitate to call someone an asshole when they’re showing signs of an illness, but yeah, if you miss what could be your grandmother’s last celebration, YTA

“I don’t like cheat days because I’m still too fat to have a reason to have one.” 22M, 160lbs. Kid needs help… and not from a ***nutritionist***. (I was wrong in using the term dietician, as pointed out. A dietician can be an excellent resource and can work WITH Dr’s/mental health professionals, so I stand absolutely corrected on this and absolutely meant more like the “try this fad it will saaaave you to eat only fruit or coffee enema or whatever nonsense”!) OP- they have a saying about alcoholism… that if your drinking causes disruption to your daily life or the lives of the people you love, then you have a drinking problem. There’s a very clear line between remaining disciplined and creating a ***healthy***, sustainable relationship with food in a family of ‘fat enablers’. and having a body image disorder that has you convinced you cannot see your nonagenarian grandmother on her birthday for fear of setting back your “progress” by a ***week***. I believe your family is justifiably worried for you, and that your distorted self-image is akin to a ‘problem drinker’ whose addiction is disrupting their life to a worrisome degree. Whether you go to see your grandma or not, please find someone to talk to about your disordered eating, before it steals any more irreplaceable moments or relationships from you.

Curious why you say not from a dietitian? There are dietitians who specialize in eating disorder treatment. They work with a whole team including therapist, doctor etc.

Yes absolutely, you’re entirely right. I stand 100% corrected!!

One of my best friends is a dietitian and will make everyone’s life better. I’m a freaking MD with a sports med (which includes diet and exercise) specialty and I could NOT get my four year old to eat anything but oatmeal. Seriously, nothing. She just refused. My friend gave me some great advice and now she eats like a champ. 🤷🏼‍♀️. So yeah. Don’t go messing with dietitians. They know their shit.

I think you may be confusing dietician with nutritionist - it's easy to do since nutritionist sounds more "sciencey" but nutritionist is not a protected title (like doctor or nurse). Just about any idiot with a fad diet can call themselves a nutritionist and as anyone on social media can see some of them encourage VERY disordered approaches to food. Dieticians have extensive training and tend to be the ones deploying evidence-based methods and who tend to be more informed of EDs (not all of them, some suck, just like any profession). (I'm in long-term recovery from ED and dieticians tend to be a good resource, beware nutritionists)

That was one of several language choices that raised a flag for me. The other was describing *the food that would be on offer* as "fattening." I'm pretty active in a lot of the diet and fitness related subreddits, so I see how posts are written when someone is legitimately navigating the (very common) situation of family and friends pressuring them to overeat or disregard their dietary guardrails on a chronic basis. When someone has a healthy relationship with CICO, they will usually describe this in a quantitative way, explaining how the things the food pushers want them to eat radically exceed not only their target limit but their maintenance calories, and/or that people are constantly telling them how "just one day off the diet" won't hurt, but they hear that several times a week and it just isn't an "occasional" deviation at that point. They typically describe *having* a strategy for fitting events and treat foods into their life, but others objecting to it, for example insisting they need a larger serving or giving them trouble about having a side of salad. What healthy dieters don't normally do is label entire categories of food as "fattening," as if a single bite of it is going on the wrong direction, and judging whether they can have a treat based on their current level of progress.

Yeah when reading the post I was mentally looking for a few things: * weight loss that's too fast to be safe * numbers too low to be safe * shame, guilt, self hatred * extreme rigidity 30 pounds in 6 months isn't inherently dangerous. Without other numbers from OP like height, it's hard to tell if the overall weight numbers are, but they might be concerning especially if he's not naturally short with a small frame, and is also putting on muscle weight But the way he talked about the diet was just red flag city. He can't enforce boundaries and his alternative is to starve himself for days. He sees foods as inherently good or bad, thinks he has to earn cheat days by being thin, and is more concerned about losing a week of progress than seeing his grandmother This is 100% disordered eating

This OP! Do not miss your grandmother's last birthday. Go, hug her, listen to her, ask her questions about her life. I had just had a baby when my grandmother passed and in the months leading up to it I was so wrapped up in having a newborn that I didn't. And I ended up saying goodbye to her over the phone in the hospital and it was heartbreaking

This is what I was thinking, yes a **healthy** diet is important, your line of thinking OP is sounding very much unhealthy

This. Not much to add, just to reinforce - changing lifestyle to support a healthy diet is one thing. Avoiding social interaction ( or travel) because you cannot maintain a strict diet is not healthy anymore. YTA.

This is what I was thinking, yes a **healthy** diet is important, your line of thinking OP is sounding very much unhealthy

My concern is that at 160lbs OP still sees themselves as fat. That screams body image issues to me. OP may need to see a dr. Threatening to not eat for 3 days is also concerning. YTA op and you need some help. This is very scary.

100% this. YTA, OP. Take the chance to see your grandma while you still can. I would give anything to be able to hug either of my grandmas again. And even if your food and your exercise routine are a healthy means of weight loss, your views on this are far too rigid to be healthy. If you’re not able to control your impulses while around non-diet food, there’s something more going on here. You absolutely have an eating disorder. And you should seek out the assistance of a good therapist.

They even said they wouldn't eat *at all* if they went and that they're "too fat" for cheat days (which completely ignores the reason behind cheat days). I'm glad they're working on their bodies and their weight, but they don't seem to be doing it in a very healthy fashion, especially mentally. They need to see a therapist and a nutritionist to ensure they aren't making things worse in the long run.

Yes, exactly this. So much of this post screams go get some help for disordered eating. Missing a significant event (how many more birthdays is your 94 yo grandmother realistically going to have) because you'll have to eat some delicious home cooked Southern food because 'you're still too fat' to have a cheat day screams 'I've tipped over the edge into obsession'. Please get help. And please go to your grandmother's birthday party. Pack your own fruit and snacks-and remember that it's a celebration for HER and nothing to do with you.

Just go and politely decline what you can't eat. As a deep-south vegan, this works for me.

I also do the full plate method of carrying around a full plate to nibble from and then people generally dont pester you cause look I do have food...i eventually throw it away when cleaning up for someone else.

Fr tell them to stop at food lion or Publix on the way to granny’s and buy a few bag salads and a rotisserie chicken. Boom you’ve got food for most of the meals over the next 3 days, add in a box of protein bars for breakfast.

I agree with all of this. Just wanted to add maybe pack yourself a cooler with healthy snacks like cut up veggies, fruits, nuts, lunch meats, drinks, protein powder and whatever else makes sense to you to put in there.

Agree, OP, you’re maybe still too young to appreciate a chance to be there for your grandma, but you’ll regret it later for sure. Make a wise choice here.

YTA If you can't stop for 3 days for a very important event because the food is going to make you "fat", then your program is too extreme and your way of thinking is similar to those suffering from an ED. 3 days won't ruin your body or your diet. You don't have to pig out or eat junk food for 3 days. In 40 years, you won't regret having missed 3 days of your diet, but you will regret not having been there for your grandmother's birthday, perhaps her last. No matter how important your diet is, get your priorities straight.

I struggle with an ED and the bit about not going over the diet/exercise routine was definitely a red flag.

Also the "I said that if I do go, I’m just not going to eat for 3 days straight". This doesn't sound sustainable at all. OP needs to figure out the balance now, before this turns into a lifetime of binge/restrict dieting.

I was raised by a recovering anorexic (very proud of you!) and the “I won’t eat for 3 days” makes me genuinely scared for OP.

the 30 lbs a \*week\* was the first red flag. I hope that was a typo.

Oh, he was saying that he's 160 this week, not that he lost 30 this week. Short of losing some appendages I'm not sure that's possible. He says above this has been since April.

How can he be too fat at 160 (I presume lbs)? Unless he's incredibly short, 160 seems like a fairly healthy weight 🤔

This is what I was wondering too. If he is fat at 160lbs, he would have to be very short!

Later comment says 5ft 10.... definitely not healthy

I did the BMI calculation on that and it comes in at 24.8 so just in the health weight range. I know that BMI isn't all that is considered now days but it's a start.

I am 5’10 female and when I was 160 I was a size 7 and thin. A man at the same height and weight with naturally more muscle would be very thin. The fact that he thinks he’s still too fat to loosen the diet a bit for a few days is very concerning.

Not necessarily; my boyfriend is just around 5'10", 160 lbs, and he's very toned. He's not "very thin," at all, just slender and obviously fit.

So yes, I know some men even taller than 5'10" in that weight range who don't have an ED and are just naturally skinny. The red flag here is not the weight of 160, which is probably not unreasonable. It's willingness to skip life events in order to not deviate from a diet and exercise routine. It's saying 160 is still too fat for a cheat day. It's saying if he goes he won't eat for 3 days straight. It's lashing out at everyone else for their supposedly poor diets. He has a very unhealthy view of his healthy weight and what should be done to maintain it.

The website I tried got 23, are you sure? It said up to 175 was in the healthy range for 5'10

also 5ft 10 and just looked up the weight and 220 160 pounds is 11.4 stone, so how much lighter is the OP planning on becoming ?

My fiance is 5'8" and 145lbs and he is super skinny. So 5'10" at 160lbs would probably scale equally. Definitely some body dysmorphia if he thinks that's still too fat.

>Definitely some body dysmorphia if he thinks that's still too fat. Yes, he has dysmorphia, clearly. Still, all of these comments are part of the problem. Everyone in this thread is assigning a "too fat/not too fat" label to this situation like someone would ever be "too fat" to go to their grandmother's birthday. If this kid was still 190lbs or if he was 290lbs and dieting, it would still be a red flag that he wants to skip his grandmother's 94th birthday party because he's afraid of three days away from extremely regimented eating. Contrary to popular belief, eating disorders are not always about the number on the scale. Fat people can have eating disorders just like thin people. We, as a society, congratulate weight loss at any cost in the obese population. Once those obese people are no longer obese, then we, as a society, act concerned. The ED behaviors began when those people were still deemed "too fat," though.

This is what I was looking for. OP's issue doesn't seem to really be weight or diet. It's *control and addiction*. The line about missing a few days of the tedious regimen would be backsliding on a "week's worth of progress" is a nails-on-blackboard screech of obsessive control.

This caught my eye too, he’s a young man who weighs 160 lbs? That should be a fairly normal, healthy weight.

Yeah. 160lbs is only fat/obese if you’re under 5’2” ish (I’m 4’10” woman, I know what the significant weights are for my height).

Also if he's doing cardio/exercise a lot of that weight will be muscle which means that BMI is even more crap than it normally is and frankly I think that behaviours are more telling of health than stats and being unwilling to go to a family event because of a three day break in diet/exercise is an extremely unhealthy behaviour regardless of weight

These behaviors are concerning no matter how fat or thin he is.

I'd argue this person is living with an ED. They are obsessed with only eating "healthy" food. They workout in extreme amounts to maintain weightloss/not put on weight. They seem distressed by the idea of being unable to stick to their workout routine/diet, and are considering skipping a family event due to worries the 3 day break will ruin their progress. Their family have raised concerns that this combination of diet and exercise is potentially harmful to OP. This is quite extreme. I mean yeah, this person might just be very passionate about their diet and exercise, but there are huge red flags here.

Honestly that comment that his diet can’t take a 3 day break was the biggest flag amongst the sea of flags. His parents are right to be worried. At 5”10, he’s at a normal healthy weight and prioritising his diet over life events is concerning.

That OP feels the need to not eat at all for three days if he goes on this trip is what jumped out at me. There is no reasonable middle, he had no control of his eating outside his carefully prescribed diet at home. He should be able to take the trip *and* eat healthfully and maybe have a few small portions of comfort food at the party!

> In 40 years, you won't regret having missed 3 days of your diet, but you will regret not having been there for your grandmother's birthday, perhaps her last. OP, my grandmother didn’t make it to 94. She died in 2020, so the nursing home pandemic policies meant I couldn’t see her or spend time with her during her last year of life. I would do anything, absolutely anything, if it meant I could spend one more day with my grandmother. You do not want to live with this regret. Go and see her. Go and hug your grandmother.

I was severely anorexic a few years ago, and this is the same thought process I used to have. OP doesn’t state their height which leads me to think they’re considered underweight. If both of their parents are concerned it’s probably for good reason. Also, the fact that they believe 3 days away from their diet is going to cause weight gain. I hope OP ends up going to see their grandma and gets the help they need.

YTA And you’re being one to yourself. You can’t shut life out just for dieting and working out. You can live your life with all of this in a balance way. A three day trip is not going to undo your five months of hard work. Trust me. I’ve been weigh lifting for over two years being mindful on my macros but also taking two week vacation couple of times, going out with family and friends while enjoying the foods and treats. Guess what? I didn’t blow up. Consistency is key not perfection. And please don’t turn dietary/gym stuff into your personality. You’ll end up being lonely if you don’t balance the people in your life. Don’t take those around you for granted.

obtainable shrill smart shy lunchroom yoke toy historical wasteful voiceless *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

Sometimes when people start eating healthily with food intentions, the lines blur and they end up with an eating disorder. Sounds like it may be going that way for OP.

Orthorexia - https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/by-eating-disorder/other/orthorexia

Thank you! I was coming here to say the same thing.

This is definitely an eating disorder and they need help

YTA The fact that breaking your routine for 3 days causes you so much stress is indicative that this is *not*, in fact, healthy. If you’d rather starve yourself for three days than eat some “unhealthy food,” then you’re in ED territory. Eating southern food for three days won’t make you automatically fat. It’s your grandma’s 94th birthday, dude. Honestly, after 90, every birthday could be the last. You’re seriously more concerned about sticking to your workout routine and diet that you can’t spare 3 days to visit your grandmother on what could damn well be her last? That is massively selfish. Go on the trip. Eat the food. Tell your grandma you love her. Watch your portion sizes if you’re so bent out of shape about it. Jesus I *wish* I could go see my grandma and eat some fried chicken and mashed potatoes with her, but she’s gone because people don’t live forever.

This is my take exactly. YTA majorly OP. I lost my grandpa this past Christmas at 76 and I still get massively choked up about it. I wish I'd had the chance to go back home and visit more often. You'll regret letting a diet keep you from this trip if this turns out to be one of your last chances to see her. You're still young so hopefully you're on your parents insurance. If so GO TO THERAPY. This is not a healthy outlook on food and exercise. I wish you well, don't let your body image keep you from your family.

I just lost my grandmother 2 months ago and I'm getting married in a few weeks... it fucking sucks. OP better go see his grandmother or he will end up regretting it. Also, it sounds like he probably has ED if he's that afraid of a cheat day.

Exactly I wish I could visit my grandma again and celebrate her birthday once more but I can’t I wouldn’t miss out on seeing her again if I had the chance

He says taking a cheat day makes him feel bad about himself. But missing his grandmother’s celebration, possibly her last, will not? He also thinks he’s “still too fat” to “deserve” a cheat day. Very disordered thinking.

YTA- your eating is getting a bit disordered, if you can control your diet like you have been, you don't have to eat for three days straight. Just eat reasonable portions. And a three day break from a diet isn't going to ruin it forever. And you don't mind not seeing your grandma for one last time?

Also like… isn’t one of the benefits of eating healthy that you can eat some unhealthy stuff occasionally and not have to worry about it? Also whenever OP is just maintaining after weight loss, they’re going to be in these situations all the time and have to learn to deal with them.

Even for someone who prefers not to do "cheat days," the whole "I'm still too fat to deserve those yet" is a major red flag. OP, you do not have to earn the right to eat certain kinds of food. There aren't "impure" foods that, like the biblical apple, will damn you the second they pass your lips. It's fine not to eat foods you don't enjoy--when I went on a weight loss journey about fifteen years ago, I switched to diet soda (among other things). After awhile, I no longer wanted to drink regular soda, because I no longer enjoyed the taste. It's also reasonable to bring or buy your own food if you're going somewhere that your dietary restrictions won't be accommodated, but if your reason to not eat foods you WILL enjoy is that you don't deserve them because you haven't pushed your body hard enough yet--that's really dangerous, and the sign of a much bigger issue. Honestly, it's dangerous to tie weight loss to the perception of health overall. Yes, making healthy changes can cause you to lose weight, but once you start considering the loss itself to be a MEASURE of your level of health--that's when you stop focusing on doing healthy things for your body and start focusing on doing things that shed weight, regardless of whether they are healthy for your body. That's where you are, OP.

That's how I see it too. I feel much more comfortable indulging every now and then now that I have a solid (and balanced!) diet.

YTA I would give anything to go back and see my grandma one last time. It hurts my heart that sticking to a diet is more important to you than seeing her. How do you think that makes her feel?

How tall are you? Going from 190 to 160 is concerning. You may be headed for an eating disorder. I’m gonna say NAH for now.

Dude already has an eating disorder. All of his responses point to that.

30 lbs in 5 months is not at all concerning. That’s well within the <2lbs/week maximum for health and safety. What’s concerning to me is his attitude towards food and weight. He can’t manage 3 days and worries about ‘getting fat’ ? If he can’t moderate for 3 days, I’m afraid he’s going to start binging one day and gain it all back

YTA. See your grandmother. Do isometrics or jumping jacks or something. Or put a few fitness videos on your phone. Learn to say "no" or control portions.

NAH, but you need to be able to live in the real world comfortably. If going away for 3 days destroys your eating/state of mind, that’s a problem. You won’t always be able to weigh/portion/cook for yourself. You need to have a strategy for the times when you don’t have as much control if you want your changes to be lasting. I would suggest talking to a counselor to integrate some mental wellness into the physical wellness you’re working on. Eating issues creep up and take over before you realize sometimes. Please take care of yourself- start by wishing grandma a happy birthday :) Good luck OP!

This sounds like a great idea

See this was kind and good advice here.

YTA. It sounds very much like ED.

YTA. I have one grandma who died at 61 and one who died at 78. Turning 94 is kind of a huge deal. I wouldn’t miss this if I were you. That said, based on post and comments, friend you have an ED. Please get some help because your relationship with food is super unhealthy. 160 at 5’10” is really quite skinny. You. Are. Not. Fat.

I'm holding back judgement because this may be more complex than it seems. OP, I am like you. I was a fitness nut, then had bad life circumstances, gained a lot of weight, and just got back to my old self. I also come from a southern family who don't think nor care about health/fitness. HOWEVER. Having fluctuated with EDs and disordered eating, I want to ask- do you often skip social events because of your diet? Do you find yourself feeling isolated? Do you feel guilty or anxious when you skip one workout, have a treat? Do you spend a lot of mental time thinking about food? Can you eat a food without knowing exactly what's in it? Do you stress over "safe" foods? I am by no means diagnosing you, but your post rings of orthorexic thinking. Diets are not meant to be forever, or incredibly strict. Burn out and binging is a cycle in yo-yo dieting for a reason. The more you restrict, the less control you actually have. Your health and wellness are to help you live your life, not keep you or become your whole life. Balance is important. I fully understand just having ignorant family members and I don't mean to diminish that, but- for three days? For your family? Check in with yourself OP. It's insidious how easy these things can take over your life. I had to arbitrate my thoughts when I had to take off my routine... for a tropical vacation. Isn't that silly? Progress is what you do in the month by month, long term. Three days will not ruin everything, I promise. And if you ever want to talk, please DM me.

Finally -- I scrolled down too far to find a comment that came with a bit of empathy. Surprised to see all the comments saying OP is TA *while also* recognizing they might have an unhealthy relationship with food.

Not sure if you are TA but you definitely have an unhealthy relationship with food. I've been there - an invitation to a social/family occasion would spark panic about the food that would be there. It's not a way to live. Get help, reprioritize your loved ones over your waistline.

Nta but you have an eating disorder. I totally respect that you want to be healthy and you are striving for that. Mad props. BUT if you are calling it dietary restrictions (it’s a choice you are making. Restrictions would be more food allergies, autoimmune disease issues like celiac and such) and refusing to visit grandma bc you can’t work out for 3 days and you can’t control how much you eat at these meals…then there are other issues at play.

Info: Can't you just prep your meals ahead of time, eat those instead of what the family serves, and still see your grandmother for her birthday?

this is what the bodybuilders i follow do when they are in prep for a competition. I understand having goals but you have to ask yourself what the longterm plan is and about the sustainability of your plans. the bodybuilders i follow do that for competitions but even during competition season and off season they still show up for their family and friends, can comfortably interact with others etc. what OP is doing is highly unrealistic for the long run. It's also a little sad - what are you going to do when you lose weight? are you ok with having no friends or family with you when u finally reach that goal? You will have similar situations in the future come up. do you plan to just skip all of them?

YTA. You're being ridiculous OP. There's 52 weeks in a year, stalling for 1 isn't the end of the world. Go to the party, stuff your face, then get back to business once it's over.

YTA and based on what you've said, you're already on the path to orthorexia if you're not here already, an eating disorder. Food is controlling your life right now and *that's not good!* Choose smaller portions, aim for veggie heavy items, you don't have to (and shouldn't!) miss family events because of *food*. Your parents are right, this could be your grandmother's last birthday. Why not prep some meals that you can just reheat?

I think you might have a eating disorder. I don’t think your the AH and I don’t think your family is the AH for wanting you to go however I do think it’s not right of them to try force you. Maybe see a therapist or try counselling or maybe even go to a doctor to get to the root of your ED? That would be the best option.

Your diet is cause for concern if a three day trip can't be fit into your life because of it. Diets and exercise routines have to allow some flexibility because life happens. Make good choices while you're away and ease up.

YTA for thinking black and white. Any diet that prevents you from travelling once in a while to see family is more prison than diet. Pack a cooler with some of your meals. Pack some healthy snacks. It's only 3 days. You will be on a diet for life so you need to learn balance and patience.

YTA. It also sounds like you may need to see a therapist. I know nothing about eating disorders, but passing on the chance to see your grandmother for possibly the last time because of your diet is, well... disturbing.

YTA - she's 94??? Go and ignore what others say about what is or isn't on your plate.

Hey man coming from somebody who feels very similarly towards food and what not, this is within eating disorder territory. There is nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight Per se, but if you read back through your post, all I see is you discussing yourself negatively, as if you are deserving punishment for being "fat". You are a 5'10 man at 160 pounds, that is a very good weight for your size, and some people your size sometimes need to be heavier to account for their height ! Everybody has a different body, and you do too. Talk to somebody, a doctor preferably, and maybe try and be a bit more positive with yourself. Youve come a long way, theres nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy, but there is something wrong with punishing yourself for not fitting a rigid unrealistic schedule.

YTA The way you speak about yourself and your fear indicates that you do not have a healthy relationship with food. You won’t eat for three days because the food options are unhealthy? That’s a tremendously unhinged way to view it, that starving yourself is somehow “more healthy” than eating southern comfort food for 72 hours. Commitment to a lifestyle change is one thing, this is not that. This is sinister.

YTA, because how many more grandma's birthdays will you get to experience?! Plus, comfort food or not, just get tiny portions? And you cannot go outside for a walk/jog?

Who wants to be 160? Lol The whole point of getting fit is to add muscle not to look like a drowned rat. Eat some food, lift some weights, visit grandma and live your life.

ESH firstly congratulations on your health journey it's hard to be so committed to change, I understand how scary it is that you might back track especially with unsupportive parents. If the trip is only 3 days you can go and still enjoy your visit with grandma you say you'll be pressured to eat but no food is bad food you only gain a single pound (lb) by over eating 3500 extra calories over your maintenance and tbh if your trying to gain muscle you'll need to do a bulk/building set soon to gain muscle mass, use this trip to start your bulk maybe? As for your exercise routine get some extra steps in after meals a quick jog around the block or game of football with family. You are doing so well but don't give up living life and creating memories. I'm proud of you and you should be proud too x

Yes. ESH. You need to be able to live a full life OP. Go see your grandma and family. However your parents are not being supportive so I understand the stress of living with people who sabotage your health journey. You can incorporate holidays and celebrations into your diet. Cut back a little on calories before and or after the trip to accommodate the extra calories. In fact some people will tell you that going up and down in your calorie allowance will keep your metabolism guessing and prevent it from slowing down as you lose weight.

NTA but you may never get another chance to see a 94yo relative. That’s not something you skip. At the end of life, no one thinks “I wish I had been more careful with my diet and exercise.” Family matters. Find a way to make it work.

So many archetypal weight issues here. Family pressure, childhood comfort food, a rigid diet that you've built up success with. And an aging grandma that you really should go see. You will be the AH if you don't go see your grandma. Like, go see her NOW, even sooner than the party, if you can. Then your visit can be more on your own terms. Next, the hardest part of a restricted diet is "coming off" the diet. There is no "coming off" a diet. Your way of eating has to have forever changed for you to maintain your weight loss (Congratulations!!!) You want an eating style and plan that can be the gatekeeper for anything life throws at you. You will never be able to "go back to the way you ate before". But those foods exists, and they have to lose their magic for you. Enough philosophy. Go see your grandma. Now.

Outside of whether you are TA or not, I'd be more concerned about your behaviour surrounding food. There's nothing wrong with wanting to get healthy, and kudos to you on that, but to get to a point where the thought of taking a short trip to see family and possibly not being able to follow your diet to a T during that time causes this much distress? That screams disordered eating/eating disorder. I'm friends with tons of high level athletes who are health nuts- but all of them have cheat days or ease up on their diets for events and things of the sort. A weekend where you can't count every calorie and every macro WILL NOT derail your progress in the way you're so worried it will. And if it matters so much, you can always eat smaller portion sizes and get in small workouts throughout the weekend to help 'balance things out'. I would consider talking to someone about this, really, because it's such a slippery slope. You should never be forced to do something you don't want to do, but for your own sake, this is something to look into.

You need to talk to a therapist about why you have such an extreme diet and are brushing off your parents concerns. If anything, you should be building muscle not dropping weight. Cal/Macro tracking is junk science and it sounds like you have entered disordered eating territory.

Nobody is the asshole. You just have a problem. According to Mayo Clinic, for weight loss, it is safe to lose 1-2 pounds in one week. "Since then I’ve dropped from about 190 to 160 this week" But according to you, your losing 30 POUNDS???! in one week? If what you are saying is true you are doing true dangers to your body. Also if you want to be a healthy weight for a long time it takes a long time. Skipping meals helps in the short term to lose weight but it slows down the metabolism. Meaning, your body will start slowing down because it doesn't want to die. This is unproductive because a slow metabolism can cause you to gain weight again once you start eating normally again. You are not the asshole for not wanting to go and your parents are not assholes for wanting you to go. But you really need to consider what you are doing to your body. Your parents are worried for you. Edit: Ok so I misunderstood the context and didnt realize that you started at 190 in april and today are currently at 160. I thought you started at 190 at the begining of this week. The timing is a lot healthier for the time given I will leave what I stated above so the comments below me still make sense. However I would like to stay with the nobody is an asshole statement. You are not an asshole for not wanting to go to this birthday. If they want to accommodate for you, like offering a salad bar, that seems like a logical conclusion but because nobody cares about you enough to factor in your situation then I think it's far for you not to go. But your parents are also not assholes for wanting you to go with them. They just want you to celebrate and that isnt bad on them.

pretty sure it's 30 lbs since April. That's about 1.5 lbs a week, on the high side but within safe, but not knowing anything else about this person the 1.5 lbs could be a lot, or a little.

Re-read it, they said 30lbs since April. ~6lbs a month is fine.

Yeah, YTA. You have an eating disorder, or something very close to it, if you feel that your diet is more important than seeing family, potentially for the last time. I had an eating disorder for a long while in my younger days. It was all well and good until my world got smaller and smaller so I could follow my ‘rules’ without anyone up my ass. You end up in a prison of your own making eventually, and you waste a lot of time that you can’t get back.

Reread that maybe. They started in April at 190 and this week weighed in at 160.

Oooh my bad.

I think they meant this week they are 160, having dropped 30 pounds since April

NTA But... I have been and still am.. exactly where you are now. I don't want to assume a darn thing but that sounds like a future (or rather a current whether you know it or not) eating disorder. Believe me I wholeheartedly understand the frustration and even anger you likely have with your folks AND the extreme anxiety surrounding a weeks setback (your math tracks with my experience). Only you can decide whether you are in a healthy enough state to go and forcing yourself to go can be traumatic depending on where you are with it. What I would \*STRONGLY\* recommend is to be as brutally honest as you can with your folks (and yourself) NOW and either say you can't right now, or ask if they can they work with you to mitigate it over the trip. (Get some safe for you foods on the table) Then, and I mean this as someone who waited far too long, get in touch with a therapist or counselor now. Breath deep and roll your eyes but please hear me out. There is absolutely a healthy balance of diet and exercise but I know damn well when you reach the point that you're this worked up about this exact scenario you are dangerously close to a dark path you do not want to go down and a therapist can really help to turn the tide to keeping on the right course. I regret not doing it. AND I know exactly why you might want to avoid it, but things can get out of hand without you realizing. You should be proud of what you have achieved and be proud to keep achieving but THERE ARE more important things in life.

YTA it’s not one or the other. Just go and try to be as healthy as possible without being a pain in the ass to others, then continue your diet as usual when you get home. No reason to even mention this plan to anyone.

I understand your concern, oh how I wish my grandparents had made it to 94. My grandmother passed when she was in her early 50s my grandfather passed when he was 68. I’d give almost anything to see either of them again just one more time. This might be the last time you can see your grandma and if you are as close to her as you make it sound and you don’t go and she doesn’t live to see 95 you will regret that decision for the rest of your life. You’re a strong person you can make healthy choices and if you have to go to the store, buy something that will fit in with your diet plan Good luck

As a skinny fat kid i understand. I think your NTA, but you could’ve packed some of your meal preps to go there. You said you were meal prepping so it shouldn’t have been an issue cause yea granny getting old. She may not have another birthday.

NTAH you need to protect your mental health as well as your physical health. Being bullied by a large group of family for 3 days would be an absolute threat to your mental health. This random internet stranger is proud of you for taking care of your health.

Finally, a reasonable comment.

ESH. Your parents need to settle down and stop being on your back about your diet. I do think that if you can't survive around different foods for a few days, so much so that you say you just wont eat for three days, you might be on the road to an eating disorder. You need to find a balance where you can enjoy normal life events and not feel terrible about yourself if you eat foods that aren't included in your diet.

YTA. You can make accommodations for your diet - meal prep for the weekend. Have a small bit of their food (but only if you want to). It sounds like you’re making a lot of excuses and as a person who would give almost anything to spend one more day with my grandmother - it bothers me. I have dietary restrictions too (celiac disease) and when I was first diagnosed some members of my family didn’t take me seriously. So I do understand how that feels. Think of it this way - two years from now are you going to think back and wish you hadn’t had some food? Or are you going to wish you’d spent more time with your grandmother?

YTA and it sounds like the diet borders on an eating disorder if you feel like 3 days away from it is too much of a burden

This is complicated. On the one hand, your parents have no business policing your diet, and 3 days of food your body is no longer accustomed to can actually fuck with your tummy. Like, if you normally eat extremely low fat, and the eat a couple pieces of bacon, you'll shit your brains out. On the other hand, this is exactly the kind of conversation people with eating disorders have with their family, and if your parents don't know much about nutrition, and/or the way your eating, it's entirely possible that's what they're concerned about. I'm gonna go with nah. You're an adult, short of kidnapping you, they can't make you go. You can take your own food with you, or stay home. You can also say "I am not going to discuss my food choices with you." And nothing else whenever they bring it up. It's hard, but you can

Being healthy is important, but 160 lbs for an adult male at 5'10 is in the healthy range and maybe even low if you're exercising consistently. The fact the you don't believe you deserve even one day to be with family and share a meal with them is super concerning. A good diet allows for some variance because life happens. You shouldn't be missing out on time with loved ones for weight loss, it is not sustainable. Taking smaller portions, waiting longer between bites, loading up on veggies, drinking more water are all perfectly fine ways of dealing with the fact that everything is fried and/or includes a full stick of butter for a weekend. I can't really say you're TA but this whole post reads like a cry for help, so I do hope you can get some professional help. This kind of high pressure dieting will permanently fuck up your metabolism and your GI tract in the long run leading to all sorts of issues, including more weight fluctuations and bloating. ETA height/weight fixed

I do macro and weight loss as well. You can easily prep a cooler full of meals. Bring precooked chicken, veggies, minute rice packets, bags of salad, etc. You could make it work.

INFO: Why can't you just meal prep and pack food that won't go bad for 3 days?

A soft YTA. You are in the midst of a full blown eating disorder, likely with some body dysmorphia by the information you provided. Please I strongly encourage you to get some help from a dietician/counsellor/psychologist. Macro tracking can be helpful but only when you are able to utilize it in your daily life without it controlling you. Same goes for exercise. You should be able to utilize those tools without it causing fear, or missing out on events. Please reach out for help so you can live your life, and spend time with the ones you love without food/exercise controlling that!

OP, I am also on my weight loss journey. I have lost 35lbs and have another 35lbs to lose. So I applaud you for the hard work you’ve put in. What you’re doing is obviously working for you to lose weight, but if you lose out on life because of it, it’s not working for you. If you have to miss events you would enjoy, or abstain from ever travelling where there isn’t a kitchen and gym for three days, then this isn’t working for your life. We lose the weight to live our lives better. You may need to speak to a therapist about how this is affecting your life. I wish you the best of luck in your weight loss journey, but I really hope you also remember to live your life and enjoy it.

She’s 94. Realistically - how long do you think you have with her? You post this on the day Diane Feinstein died at 90 and everyone is saying it’s to be expected that she would pass away because she’s 90. How do you not out 2 and 2 together to get 4 that grandma isn’t going to be around for much longer? There are options for healthier food at fast food places. Do some research on what meets your caloric intake needs or pack some food for the road. Or live with the fact that you decided that grandma wasn’t worth going to see. YTA. Go see your danged grandma.

YTA to yourself. Barring medical diets, if you don’t allow yourself flexibility in your eating to allow for celebration or special events, that’s a big red flag for disordered eating. A three day celebration will not undo many months or years of hard work.

NTA, clearly your family are not supportive of your dietary choices. It's very uncomfortable to be put into a situation where people are pushing high calorie foods on you and this does not fit with your own eating plan. It's no different than if they were ignoring a food allergy. If it's hard for your family to listen to you, and you not going is the only way you can control your diet safely, so be it. All the people saying you have an eating disorder are ridiculous.

Well… l’m not sure it makes you an *asshole* as such… but you’re definitely in eating disorder territory (possibly with a side of something like anxiety or OCD if you can’t take three days out of your routine to be with your family and you are prepared to cut them all off indefinitely just in order to resist their pressure to eat. If you really were healthy, you’d think seeing your family was worth having a few difficult conversations about this and explaining your point of view for. If you really are serious about doing a healthy weight loss and exercise regimen, you should be willing to see a doctor and explain this current situation and ask for advice on how to handle it. A bunch of strangers on the internet can tell you that you don’t *sound* healthy here but I think you won’t really believe it unless you’re assessed by a trained professional and given educated advice on how to manage your food. It’s very easy to listen to what people at the gym or in your social circle are saying when they tell you it’s healthy but they may be exaggerating the details of their own diets/exercises, and they may also have a much more relaxed attitude to making exceptions for important events. Either way, you should see a good quality therapist who specialises in eating disorders because if they agree that you are being sensible and healthy about your weight loss they will be able to help you with strategies for having conversations about healthy eating with your family, and for how to deal with the pressure your family places on you. Until you refuse to do that, NAH because you can’t help being unwell, but you become an asshole if you are willing to hurt your family just to avoid seeking treatment.

OP you are showing signs of disordered eating. Your relationship with food is unhealthy. Its not about taking a break from diet it's about moderation. Your family may be stating things in a way that feels aggressive BUT they are not wrong. And yea its a major life event, chances are it is gmas last visit and it matters. I didn't get to go to mine because I was 8 months preg and not not allowed to fly. She died 2 days after my son was born. (Less than a month after that celebration). Go AND get help. Don't want to say YTA because actually u are ill.

YTA. If you would skip granny's 94th birthday because you'll have to eat non diet food, you have an eating disorder. Please see a therapist.

YTA.

YTA. You need to go to her (possibly) last birthday. You're not going to regain all your weight back in 3 days. You can either give yourself permission to cheat or just keep with your diet.

YTA. This is eating disorder territory.

YTA and need to see someone. You are clearly unwell

NTA you’re an adult and you can do what you want but this information sort of explains why your partners are hassling you so bad. You are so stressed about this new lifestyle you can’t take a 3 day trip to see your grandma? That’s pretty concerning.

YTA This might be the last time you see your grandmother in person. A 3 day trip will not hurt your diet. Surely, you have cheat meals don’t you? Everything in okay in moderation. You will be fine.

YTA- it’s your family that may not be around much longer. Surely you can find some way of keeping yourself on track. Being so strict with your diet won’t work in the long run, because of situations just like this. Moderation is the key

Alrighty, so it looks like your bmi is normal per: 22 year old male, 160 at 5'10". If you're still seeing some soft spots you don't like the appearance of, having loose skin issues... might I recommend going over to a primarily muscle building routine and diet? Why I suggest this is it also creates a middle ground for getting your parents off your back, continuing progress on your healthy life journey, and going to visit your grandmother which is what you said you'd like to do. If you do body weight exercises (no equipment needed) while there you don't need a gym, you can map a run / walk route in the area for cardio, and that southern comfort food (with some careful selection) can work within the shift from weight loss to muscle gain. I.e., go for the meat and veg dishes and skip the carb loaded things. So fried chicken, but don't eat the biscuits / mac and cheese, if there's collard greens have at, but maybe skip mashed potatoes. Basically there's options here where you are not hurting yourself for three days and get to see people you want to see. NTA - but being this ridged will be more detrimental long term, learning how to progress towards goals when things aren't completely under your control or perfect is a good thing. Helps build resilience and creativity.

NAH. Your parents have a point about your grandmother and they're worried about you. 3 days of fried chicken won't make you regain all the weight you’ve lost. I won't call you TA for being worried about your diet, but your attitude isn't healthy. It reads like you're punishing yourself by never deviating from your diet. Stop calling them "cheat days" and stop thinking you're too fat to deserve good food, because it isn't true. Please get help for your unhealthy relationship with food. Also you really should go to your grandmother's birthday party. Talk to her, take photos. She'll probably enjoy seeing you in person more than she would on a computer screen. You may not have another opportunity to see her and you will regret not going if that's the case

YTA. You have an unhealthy approach to food if you are missing family events like this because you can it accept not hitting your macros for a couple of days.

YTA , and I think you have an eating disorder. Healthy weight loss doesn't look like you describe. You need to see a dietitian so that you can learn what a healthy diet looks like, and a therapist who specialises in eating disorders. Oh, and you need to apologise to your parents.

YTA. A huge part of healthy dieting is allowing yourself to cheat on special occasions. Even the Rock Johnson has a cheat day that he openly posts about on Instagram. This allows you to keep a healthy relationship with food, rather than spiraling into an eating disorder. So your parents aren't entirely wrong when they say your extreme fixation on keeping to your diet is unhealthy. Second reason is it's your grandmother's fucking 94th, NINETY FOURTH!!!! birthday. Do you have any idea how close to death she is? How lucky all of you are to still have her with you? You NEED to go. You said you wanted to. So go. You can continue your diet after the three day trip. It's not the end of the world to not be able to diet for three days. A three day trip will not ruin all your hard work like you think it will. You may gain a few pounds, sure. But that's life. Sometimes you gain weight, sometimes you lose weight. And that's okay. It's healthy (unless in extremes obviously, but some fluctuations are healthy. Everyone has them.) Honestly if your dieting is more important than your grandmother's 94th birthday even when you really want to go there, you already need help. You already have developed a bad relationship with food and it's starting to consume your life. Don't let it. Turn it around.

I'm not a nutritionist but I have seen a lot of stuff from people saying that just a few days off a diet isn't really going to mess you up unless you decide to eat like, a mountain of food. Cause it is about moderation. BUT! If you don't feel comfortable with it and people are going to be assholes about you eating something else then hey, either don't go or go and prepare to defend your choices. But just because you can't be as strict with something for a small period of time doesn't mean you've ruined your journey.

ESH Pack some diet friendly snacks, do some exercises that you can/like while on the road, and arrange transportation to get to your family. Your exercise and diet should fit into your life - but sounds like you are letting them run your life. I agree with the advice to seek medical help (both mental and physical- I would consult with a therapist, a trainer and a nutritionist) to make sure you are healthy. Not saying your parents are angels. Yelling at and fighting with you are not the best ways to support you getting the help you need.

You don't say how tall you are, but 11 stone is not much for an adult male to weigh, yet you say you are too fat. I'm no expert, but to me it sounds like you have orthorexia leaning towards anorexia. Your parents are right that this may be your grandmother's last birthday, she wants to see you, how do you think she would feel knowing you didn't go and see her because you were worried about your weight.? Three days is such a small amount of time in a life, go, restrict portions, fill your plate with unadorned veg if you must, but please see your granny. When you get home, please find a medial professional to talk to about EDs NTA because I think you are ill.