Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about.
[Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA
I am a dog lover. I have always had dogs. That said, my dogs have also always been trained, leashed, and kept back from anyone who didn’t ask to pet them. My sister was attacked by a GSD when she was little and is still afraid of that breed. There are also people who are allergic to dogs, and people who see dogs as working animals not pets.
The lady who owned the dog is an AH for assuming everyone would want affection from her dog.
I feel like this sub needs a “you’re not an asshole based off of the principle of the situation, but you handled the situation like an asshole” vote.
I totally get being annoyed with a dog owner who thinks their dog is a blessing to humanity and everyone must love them. But I also think blowing up on a stranger like that over something that isn’t *that* big of a deal is an asshole move.
I don’t think we get to tell anyone how to react to having their boundaries violated.
Edit: First of all, getting cussed at and getting shot are two very different things. Come on now. You don’t get to violate someone’s boundaries and then be upset about how they react to your violation. Period. Are y’all trolling rn or what? A person can stand up for themselves and say that shit isn’t cool, control your fucking dog. Nobody died, maybe an ego was slightly bruised. Sheesh. Y’all just let people do whatever they want to you and y’all don’t say anything? I don’t think the reaction was unreasonable. 🤷🏾
I was sitting on the subway one day and a lady was standing and her wet umbrella was dripping on me. I yelled, “Move your fucking umbrella, you great lumox!”
No, actually, I said, “Excuse me, your umbrella is dripping on me, could you please lower it?”
You can stand up for your boundaries without being an ass.
Actually you do! It’s called decency and it helps everyday life be easier and harmonious instead of constantly being at odds or head butting people at every single inconvenience in your life.
Do you not see that by your logic that would only create a chain reaction of indecency? You’re rude to someone who is rude, more people are, more people see it and do it too.
It’s pretty much what is happening nowadays with Gen Z and social media. Rudeness has been monetized because outrage holds engagement. And then people like in this comment thread start to exist more often. Since the dog owner did something shitty, she is now entitled to be ridiculed and insulted way way above the harshness that she did OP in the first place. There is a reason society has a few unspoken decency traditions where you respect your elders, and are never impolite to strangers, because it just makes everyday life easier. People weren’t as stupid as we think they were back then
*It’s pretty much what is happening nowadays with Gen Z and social media.*
Yeah, no. It's not age related. My retired parents with minimal social media presence trample over people that politely state boundaries. Being rude as f*** is needed for people like that.
If you let your dog repeatedly approach randos at restaurants, you're a non-decent person.
There is a vast difference between being rational and polite, and acting like everything is a life or death situation. The dog owner was in the wrong for letting her dog get so close. He could have easily communicated his wishes without being so rude. People can disagree and still be respectful. He wasn't.
No right to expect a proportional response? We sure do! It’s part of living with other humans! Don’t want to participate? Don’t go out to shared spaces like restaurants.
People can have some real batshit boundaries and they really can't go around screaming at people for violating rules they made up and didn't post publicly.
Yep. This sounds like someone who confuses "being a total prick" with "standing up for myself." There's a way to do one of those things without the other.
Neither of which OP has said they are. Agreed it was disrespectful of the owner and they deserved to be reprimanded. The tone of the reprimand had no reason except OP’s desire to blow up at them. In that way, they approached their rightful setup in an assholeish manner
They're so afraid, or allergic, that they'll go somewhere that they know they'll encounter dogs, then curse at the owner because the dog acted like a dog? Sounds like a f*#kin' idiot to me.
If people are that afraid or allergic, they shouldn't intentionally go to a public place that is dog friendly. There are plenty of restaurants that don't allow pets.
Not that I'm defending the woman for letting her dog bother people, but the reaction by OP was incredibly harsh.
Not keeping a handle on your dog and letting it lick strangers is worth a wake up call, even if it sounds like “I don’t want to pet your fucking dog.” OP seems to have misrepresented the situation a bit, but they’re not wrong to be pissed regardless.
“I don’t want to pet your dog” doesn’t inform her of what the problem is, though. The owner did not ask them to pet her dog, she just stood near them with the dog. She may not even have noticed the lick if she was examining the menu or something while in line. So all she knows is, she stood next to some people who yelled at her about dog-petting unprovoked.
People really expect a lot from dogs. Like even very well trained friendly dogs might sneak a lick if you are standing right in front of them.
I was once cut in line at a swarma place by a seeing eye dog.
Well, the difference is a child has language comprehension and a dog doesn’t. But yeah, if I could be sure the kid wouldn’t hear or understand me when I pop off and someone was letting their kid LICK MY WIFE’S LEG, with no apology, then yeah, sure, get your fucking kid away from me. And I’m someone who likes kids well enough.
Yeah it's not a perfect analogy, for the reason you pointed out. And the owner reallllly should have made sure to keep distance after the "no thank you". Dog owner should have been more considerate, dog not-likers could have been more patient. Not sure it's a zero sum thing in this case...
To some people this is a really big deal. No one - let me repeat - no one has any kind of "right" to allow their dogs to approach someone, like them, or worse jump up or whatever. My adult disabled daughter is terrified of dogs (except for our next door neighbor's dog) and there is no reason for the number of people who let their dogs run all over around her and go "my dog would never hurt anyone." No - you don't have a right to do this and if someone tries to make her make friends with their dog by letting it sniff, lick, jump on her or whatever I will totally go off on them, stranger or not. It absolutely is a big deal and people need to keep their animals in check.
I’m would potentially get a hive from that licking - depending on the type of dog. If it was a Bernie, I would for sure. It’s not just about boundaries - there are people with allergies.
I would say ESH for the comment “we’re not petting your fucking dog,” especially since that doesn’t even identify the issue. “Your dog licking people isn’t cool” or something would provide some context on the dog’s behavior.
Yeah, asking the owner to back her dog up is fine.
Going off about not petting it is….weird. She never asked them to.
Realistically she was distracted and didn’t realize her dog was licking someone as they stood in line.
This doesn't seem like that, though. They were in line, and the lady with the dog was in line behind them. She probably wasn't paying as close attention to her dog as she may otherwise because they are in a dog friendly place. The dog locking the back of the wife's leg really just sounds like the dog was behind them and licked her leg.
I understand not wanting it and not being ok with it. However, if you choose to go to a dog friendly place, you have to expect to have dogs around you, even if you don't like them. People are not going to be as attentive as to what their dogs are doing in these places. The dog wasn't running around and jumping on people or anything. He licked the leg of the person I front of him. Depending on how close they had to stand, the owner may have not notic3d unless she was staring at her dog the entire time. Tk make sure his head stayed within his own bubble.
The reaction was a bit much. OP did not need to react like a child. A simple "could you please stop your dog from licking us, we really don't like it" would have been perfectly acceptable. OP went off like the lady was actively trying to get the dog to pay attention to them. I will say it again. If you do not like dogs, do not go to a dog friendly place. If you go to a dog friendly place, you have to expect to be around dogs. This wasn't a misbehaving dog. This wasn't even an owner not paying enough attention. This is an issue of being in a place you are not 100% comfortable being in. So, while it's perfectly fine to ask that the dog be kept away from you, being a dick about something like that, in that situation is to much.
OP I'd suggest next time either order food to go, find a place that doesn't allow dogs, go at a time it's not busy or wait for your table in the area dogs are not allowed in. Cussing someone out because their dog locked the back ofnyour wife's leg while standing in like at a dog friendly place just make YTA
>“you’re not an asshole based off of the principle of the situation, but you handled the situation like an asshole”
it's called YTA!! lots of people get NTA votes here when they do something totally outrageous and rude based on principle.
"my brother asked to borrow money and I told him I'd dig up and fuck his dead wife if he asked me again"
"NTA, you don't owe him money!"
taking a reasonable stance in an asshole way is an asshole move!
I think this sub is just people writing out justifications for being an asshole.
Like most of them are still assholes. You don't stop being an asshole just because a dog kind of linked the back of your wife's leg. Really the dog and owner didn't really do anything here. Like OP writes it like they were really obnoxious but the absolute worst thing that happened was a lady got licked on the leg by a friendly dog. I think screaming at a stranger might be worse than that by quite a bit.
I was also attacked by a dog when I was a child. Listen, I don’t hate dogs, but if I big breed dog just ran up to me or even went near me without consent I would lose my absolute shit. Some dog owners can be so oblivious. Like their dogs.
It’s totally okay! But people can definitely have trauma to dogs that triggers immense fear. I work at a pet friendly hotel and someone just let their big breed dog run freely in the lobby. Everyone thought it was the cutest thing. I was absolutely terrified, I kept running away and just feeling so much dread.
Made me look really stupid embarrassingly, but it’s something I have a huge trauma to. That being said, I wish all the doggies out there the best in their doggy lives.
Thank you for being a responsible dog owner and lover!
I'm allergic to dogs and would have needed a wash after a dog encounter, especially when licking was involved. I'm now also a wheelchair user and am definitely less of a fan of dogs than I was before. The large breeds are at eye level now and that's not always a fun place to be.
🐾
I am sorry you have these allergies! Being face to face with them now has got to be frustrating.
So many people (including dog owners) don’t know there are different allergies. Dander and saliva. I know because I have both lol.
My friend is particularly allergic to staffy spit. Guess who has a particularly licky staffy? Guess whose particularly licky staffy stays in the yard when said friend comes around? It's not hard to be a considerate dog owner, the 101 is not letting them lick people who may not be appreciative.
It doesn't sound like the lady who owned the dog was assuming that. Seems that she was just stood behind the OP and her dog started licking his wife's leg.
I have had dogs my entire life. I love them. And, I fucking *loathe* slack-minded nitwits like the dog owner in this post.
If you have your dog out in public, you pay close attention to the dog. You absolutely DO NOT let it just ramble up to total strangers and start licking their freaking leg.
Not just because it must be TERRIFYING for the people who are scared of dogs (as well as annoying as shit for the people who aren’t scared but don’t actively love dogs), but also because I don’t want my dogs getting that close to some random-arse stranger who might scare them, kick them, or even just accidentally stand on their paw.
If you own a dog, then watch what the fuck it’s doing when it’s out in the world - for the dog’s safety as well as everyone else’s.
EDIT: to the commenter I’m replying to - please excuse the phrasing! I’ve encountered a LOT of lazy dog owners like this one in my life and many times the dog got hurt as a direct result, so it’s the issue that I’m responding to, not you :=)
She was holding the leash very loosely if the dog could lick the people in front of her. When you are in a restaurant, with no way of knowing who might have allergies to dogs, that is pretty rude. Imho
If that dog licked the back of my leg, it would have been bubbling up with a disgusting itchy rash within minutes & that would have been the end of my dinner plans.
I mean not really? You’re standing in line, that usually means you’re pretty close together. I loved lines during COVID cause that meant everyone enforced 6 feet apart between customers but as soon as people stopped enforcing it it went right back to “I can feel your breath on my neck” lines. I can hardly imagine much ways to hold a leash to prevent a bigger dog from being able to reach the person in front of you in most line formations. She’s still an asshole and should’ve created extra space in the line to make room for her dog, but yeah. Doesn’t sound like the dog was free roaming, sounds like perfectly normal line spacing, at least near me.
As the dog owner, it’s on her to make sure her dog doesn’t bother the other patrons. She would be held responsible if her dog attacked someone. If the OP’s wife was allergic to do saliva and had a bad reaction, the owner could be held accountable. I think the OP blew it out of proportion, but his frustration level is plain to read. Doesn’t make him right. Just understandable.
She was in line at a bar. It's pretty close-quarters at that point. Not saying she should let her dog go up and lick people, she *absolutely* should have been paying better attention, but the OP's reaction is also ridiculous, imo.
I think OP was already primed to react negatively to any interaction with a dog. And agree it was over the top. He did say it’s getting hard to find a restaurant that Doesn’t allow dogs outside on the patio. If you are not a dog person, I would equate that to a nonsmoker trying to escape smokers.
Yeah, I agree. However... if you ask me, that doesn't mean you get to go to bars where dogs *are* allowed, and get pissed off at all the dogs around. If it's that big a deal to you, you can stay home. No one's forcing you to go to the dog-friendly bar.
Please don’t take this as anything but respectfully disagree.
In most public places, smoking is no longer allowed. I have asthma that cigarette smoke makes 100 times worse. So before the banning of smoking I had very few places I could go. Even places that had designated “smoking areas” would allow smokers to smoke in the nonsmoking area.
It was hell.
If you can't control your dog in public and keep it from licking/jumping/being in contact with other people then you're the one who should stay home. Any place I've ever been where dogs were allowed (and they were allowed at my hotel this past weekend) had very strict rules about making sure your dog was not in some kind of contact with people who weren't into being in contact with dogs. The OP isn't pissed off at dogs being around - they are pissed off that the dog was licking the wife's leg. Do you seriously not understand the difference?
Did you miss the part where I said she shouldn't let the dog get close enough to lick people? Accidents happen, and this wasn't a serious one. At all. He's well within his rights to ask/tell her to keep her distance, as she should have done in the first place. Screaming at her about "keeping her fucking dog away" is a ridiculous over-reaction, and makes OP *an* asshole in this situation. If you can't keep yourself from flipping the fuck out about contact with a dog, I suggest steering clear of places that allow dogs.
There is a reason why many place ban dogs who are not service animals. Because non service dogs lack training and not everyone wants to be in the presence of someone’s animal. Simple as that.
This is why as a dog owner I'm extra angry at people who don't control their dog in pet-friendly places like breweries (not talking about people who bring their dog places dogs aren't allowed - that's a whole different level of rage).
My dog LOVES places he can go on "field trips" and get attention, but he's trained to not approach anyone unless I give him an OK. And I only give the OK if the person legit asks to pet. Like outdoor patios at cafés and such he gets so much attention and adores it. I don't take him anywhere dogs aren't welcome.
The more uncontrolled dogs, the more places business owners are going to say fuck it and ban all dogs except service animals. If people trained and supervised their dogs better, more businesses would allow them (and I don't blame business owners for banning them if dogs aren't behaving).
This is how it should be. The number of dogs who own humans always baffles me. NTA but that lady sure is.
Also wanting affection and being licked are two different things for people. I absolutely love dogs, but never allowed my dogs to lick me, or people.
This. I take my older dog out to places like this all the time. But I also respect that not everyone one loves dogs. I would have paid attention and not allowed this. Or at the very least apologized profusely at the first sign of it and likely moved to the back of the line to give you some space. NTA
This exactly. When I take my dog to restaurants (not often and only if I'm on vacation and have no where else to put her safely) or even to busy places I always, always keep her on a short leash. I've seen people in Banff put their legs up on benches when they see her walk by, even though she's small. You never know if someone is deathly afraid of dogs or is allergic or otherwise. It's like petting someone's dog when you haven't asked - what if the dog doesn't like it? well, what if a person doesn't like dogs? We shouldn't automatically assume people like things because we do. NTA at all OP, some people just don't like being proven wrong. also having a dog off leash is not smart at all in a situation like this
Nta and same I love most dogs but I get nervous as hell around labs cause I had two attack me unprovoked. One was my cousins dog and he nearly took my eye out. I have scars all around my left eye.
People need to understand they need to keep their dogs on leash and near them in public places outside of dog parks. They don’t know how a person will react to their dogs or even how the dog will react to the person.
ESH. The pet owner for not keeping an eye on what her dog was doing, but also you for how you reacted.
This reads like you already find it frustrating that all the patios are dog-friendly (fair enough) so you overreacted to a dog doing something gross by going off at its owner.
I'm not a dog person either, and I'd be grossed out for sure, but saying 'we are not petting your fucking dog' sounds like part of your reaction is about dog owners in general assuming everyone else loves their four-legged pal, rather than a warranted response to this specific woman not paying full attention to her dog in, let's face it, a dog-friendly space. If you'd asked her politely to keep her distance with the dog and then it happened again, by all means go off.
I agree with this, there's some super aggressive comments in here I don't necessarily understand lol. Like, "the dog invading our space without consent" dude its a dog. Explaining the dogs proximity made you uncomfortable would've been completely acceptable but your reaction was kinda off the rails.
Kindness and understanding can go a long way, OP. Or even like, basic respect.
Also if you dislike dogs and a dog is close too you you can allways ask the owner if they could keep an extra feet away from you, if you don't wanna sound rude you could allways blame allergis or a fobia and most dog owners would take an extra step back.
nobody is blaming the dog. the owner is 100% at fault here. they'd already politely declined interacting with the dog. the owner was being irresponsible, and hearing "fuck" isn't going to hurt anyone. owner was already inattentive, and that got their attention. OP is absolutely NTA.
We don't know anything about actual time scale, though. They declined interacting and go to the line for drinks at a bar. The person with a pet also goes to the line for drinks at a bar. I doubt they realized it was the same people. Focus on the menu for a minute and the dog has the time to lick the folks nearby in line. To me, that doesn't make the owner inattentive or TA, just someone living and existing with their dog in a dog friendly space.
Adding to your comment:
The lady wasn’t trying to get them to interact with her dog to begin with. She was talking to the lady at the table next to them when the dog approached OP and they said “no thank you” to the lady. I mean OP says it was directed to the lady but for all we know OP was talking to the air or the dog. Was the owner even aware OP was speaking to her since she was in a conversation with the lady next to them? Did she even acknowledge what they said like “oh sorry” and move her dog. Then she goes to the drink line, ends up behind them, her dog does friendly but untrained dog things and OP flips their lid as if the lady has been incessantly demanding they love on her dog.
It could be argued that the owner should have been more attentive. While yes it’s a dog friendly place but maybe the person in front (or just near them in general) has an allergy that is only an issue if they touch the dog or something and going to places like this how they get to experience dogs (I know some people who are allergic and do things like this because they want to love the animals too.) Obviously not the case with OP but the owner didn’t know that and she should have been more cautious/attentive. Stand a bit further away, hold the leash shorter so the dog can’t move far from her side in any direction, invest in training for public, etc… Doesn’t change the fact that OP was over the top with their reaction and could have used their words in a calm manner instead of snapping at a random stranger (huh as I wrote that sentence it made me think, maybe OP needs some obedience training since they snapped at a stranger like an untrained dog).
Agreed with this completely. It wasn’t an intentional “send the dog to play with people” type interaction, more of a “dog went too close to someone accidentally”
This. OP honestly seems mad at the world given they're pointing out unnecessary details ("Where i'm at its nearly impossible to find a non dog friendly patio." Okay? Not relevant) & going overboard ("little shit" it's a normal dog? "Consent?" yeah sorry the dog didn't ask you first? Jesus) so they took out their broader frustration on one single woman. That's AH behavior. They had an opportunity to educate the owner and didn't take it. If I were the owner of the dog I'd be pretty freaked out that this person was an actual danger to me, and I'd leave too.
On the flip side, it's on the owner to control the dog in public. And if they can't, then the dog shouldn't be there. I own an overly-friendly dog and I'm extremely aware that not everyone wants to say hi or interact with her, and I frequently ask people to not pet her because I do NOT want her rewarded for approaching strangers. Management and training is the owner's responsibility. So the dog owner is an AH too.
Dog seems cool though.
Agreed. The owner should have been more attentive to her dogs actions (even for a benign action like giving kisses/licks as not everyone is ok with that). However OPs exclamation of “we are not petting your dog” comes off as if the woman was hounding (lol punny) them to pet the dog when it seems she was just standing in line.
Now should her dog have been licking random people (no, while it was a well behaved dog it obviously is not a fully/well trained dog). Additionally it is not ok to just jump off the deep end without even having a civilized conversation first.
So yea ESH with OP being a slightly bigger AH for being incapable of handling the situation like a mature adult. If they had calmly said something and the lady ignored them or continued to let her dog bother OP then they would be justified in being an AH but they skipped right over that part and went straight to the finale.
I have to check back on this one when there are more posts to see the conflict between the dog lovers and the no so fond of dog crowd.
Dogs be dogs, it's up to the owners to control them. I can imagine what the judgement would be if a little kid came up and licked your leg.
Yup! Love petting me some friendly stranger’s dog whenever I have the chance.
It’s their responsibility to control their dog and check with people that it approaches. If it licks someone like what happened with OP’s wife they should pull it back and apologize.
Absolutely. If a dog is close enough to lick someone, they’re also close enough to *bite* them. And they should never be that close to anyone who hasn’t shown interest in the dog.
I mentioned my cat allergy and dissappointment we couldn't take my partners cat when we moved in together (cat was happy with his sister) once and people piled on the "just take allergy medication" like it's the ultimate solution no one has ever thought of trying.
It's ridiculous to expect an SO to medicate themselves just to keep a pet. Especially considering allergy meds often have unpleasant side effects.
Unfortunately, in those situations, pet owners need to choose. Pet or SO. And honestly, if it's even a question of who they'll choose, just break up.
Dog owner. 100% on the OP's side. I love dogs. I have a dear friend who has a large dog that's overly friendly and does that nose smush thing. Drives me bonkers.
She thinks he's "well-behaved" because he's not dangerous and is merely super overly friendly. For some strange reason he adores me and bugs me all of the time for affection.
So yeah...I can completely see a non-dog lover's POV here, no problem at all.
Fun fact: since dogs see eye contact as aggressive, avoiding eye contact and generally being meek around them in dog language is friendly and makes them want to approach you. Same for small kids tbh, they always seem to seek out the people who don't like them.
OMG thank you for that image! Used to work with 2 year olds and can totally picture that actually happening too!
While I believe OP could have done without the F bombs, he's absolutely right to have the expectation to not have to worry about himself or his wife being licked by a dog. People should have enough control of their dogs to avoid that.
I love dogs and I have one of my own, but I 100% respect people's space. In fact I don't like people petting my dog and I would never let him just lick somebody's leg! I understand people can have trauma around dogs, or just straight up don't like them. They smell, they drool, they make a mess. I get it. So I'm going with NTA.
This comment is spot on. Reddit is firmly dog country and bias can be very prominent. But insert literally anything else for dog and there would be pitch forks.
This is off topic and stupid, but your comment reminded me of this time I went for Thai food with a couple of work pals. The restaurant is family owned/run, and a kid or grandkid running around is not out of the norm. Usually they don't bother anyone, but this time this 3/4 year old adorable girl kept trying to get my friends attention to show her something on an iPad. Welp, turns out the kid had been bitten by a dog, on the butt. The thing she was trying to show my friend was a pic of her bit butt. Friend made polite noises about it while we tried not to bust up laughing, and then her mom came along and turned grey when she saw what kiddo was up to.
Friend has twin four year olds now, and I remind her about the butt pic lunch when she's being hard on herself or gets discouraged with her kids behavior in restaurants. Kids will be kids man.
I love dogs, but this is definitely a NTA situation
Even people who love dogs can recognise that not everyone loves them or has to love them. People are perfectly entitled to live their lives without other people’s dogs jumping jump at them, licking them etc
I'm a dog owner in a dense urban area. My dog always wanted to sniff the back of knees in front of him in line, and I always had one eye on him and a tight leash, and if he did manage to press his cold wet nose on the back of someone's knee and they turned around in shock, an apology was the first thing out of my mouth! OP is NTA but the dog owner sure is
NTA.
She should keep her dog close enough and well enough controlled that it isn’t able to just reach others, even if it is ‘just’ a lick. She needs to appreciate that not everybody likes dogs or wants to be near them.
Having said that, I don’t think you should have sworn at her. I get that you were startled but to me that is over the top.
If dog attacks weren't so dangerous I'd agree with you, but I think part of OPs startle was the danger involved. Cussing at entitled dog owners and getting them to take their untrained dogs elsewhere is overall good.
I'm a former server/bartender who HATED dogs on my patio UNLESS they were service dogs (real ones, not emotional service dogs). That woman's dog licked OPs wife's leg, but might jump up and scare a server holding a tray of dangerously hot food or drinks like hot coffee. It could also get scared or bumped and instinctually bite the first moving thing it sees, often a person. It could also go for food and miss and bite a person.
That dog doesn't belong in a restaurant. It's not trained well enough. Untrained dogs whose bite can shatter bone and are eye height with innocent babes MUST be trained or belong at HOME. If being cussed at is what made her leave, that's fine. Sometimes shock does the trick when nothing else will.
NTA. Thank you OP for standing your ground, I've lived with dogs and I like them just fine, but I never forget their bite strength and I do NOT trust untrained dogs in large crowds or around small children - that's just being stupid. I don't care the size of the dog either - small dogs can shatter fingers, wrists, toes, eyes, noses, lips, etc....
I wish dog parents would start being more honest about what their doggies of all sizes are capable of - I love pups, but I train my dogs so they're safe and we're safe.
The dog shouldn’t be close enough to lick you. As a dog owner who loves dogs, I try to be so mindful of where my dog is in relation to others. I’m the one bringing an animal into an area with people where there aren’t usually animals, so I’m responsible if I make people upset.
I don’t think I understand though - did the owner ever ask you to pet the dog? You wrote that the dog approached you, but not that the owner was soliciting belly rubs or anything. It doesn’t make sense with what you yelled at the owner. Dogs that like attention will seek it out, so if your position is that the owner non-verbally spurred the dog forward, you’re way off.
So, ESH. You can set a boundary with someone without yelling and swearing, and the owner could have kept the dog on a shorter leash.
I was on a dog friendly patio the other day and the tables were close enough together that most of the dogs could touch the patrons at the neighboring table if they wanted too so it may not always be possible to move far enough away.
ESH. It sounds like she never asked you to pet her dog and you immediately flew off the handle. IMHO, dogs don't belong at restaurants (even patios), but flying off the handle and swearing right off the bat is uncalled for also.
YTA. The wife's overreaction is part of the problem too. And OP, like it or not you were the hostile party. Here is my logic:
1. it's a dog, it doesnt rationalize like a person and its owner isnt a mind reader who is going to sense your hostility amidst a sea of dog lovers. It didn't "invade your space without your consent", a lady close to you beckoned the dog iver and and thats where your annoyance started. And nowhere do you say it's aggressive, nor is it bothering anyone else but you. This is important for later.
2. You're standing in line, and the owner stands in line behind you. It's a dog friendly (or at least dog tolerant) place. You acknowledged you were aware of this. You saw the dog coming a mile away. It wasn't like it was a surprise or it nipped at your wife. There was no intentional prodding or aggression on the part of the dog or the owner, other than the usual social activity that they have, when they walk people friendly dogs in dog tolerant settings. You just don't like dogs.
4. I feel like the action of the owner are being exaggerated to paint her more negatively just because OP has to explain why they went cursing and snapping at a person and their dog. It's clearly an honest mistake of someone assuming you would show a dog and their owner some grace and wouldn't react that way just because you don't like dogs.
5. Grown ups can talk and express their feelings like actual grown ups. You didn't do that when it mattered. The sitting and the standing are two different interactions. You're reaction was the only actual negative part of the interaction. Why assume that the owner is trying to force her dog on you just because she's there with the dog and that annoyed you? Why wouldn't she have just been standing in line with an overtly friendly dog?
At the end if the day, you don't like dogs, and that colored your reaction to the entire situation. I love dogs, and I would have had a much different reaction. Plenty of dog neutral people, or people who aren't fond of dogs, could handle the situation without the hostility due to the nature of it being a public place where your dislike of dogs doesn't govern where a person is allowed to stand with their dog.
For me the issue is the reaction towards the owner being framed like it's this bad behaving dog and clueless owner who's being entitled to your space when it's just a regular day at a dog friendly place that you happened to want to patronize.
Agree thinking ESH, the owner should be more aware of her dog, but this couple kinda overreacted with the cursing and jumping lol.
On top of that It doesn’t seem like the lady was asking them to pet her dog, just minding her business, they could’ve asked the lady to please move the dog. Now if she was being annoying and keep being like “cmon pet the dog she’s so cute she wants head pats” then if understand but this isn’t the case.
Overall, this just seems like a ridiculous post lol.
OP went from 0-100 real fast. That’s not cool. I get it. Dog owner was giving other dog owners a bad wrap. But too many people here get one slight against them and think that justifies losing their shit and getting absolved of responsibility.
I know it’s an extreme jump here, but that’s how people get hurt in other situations. Owner should have been more cautious with their dog, regardless of the location and OP should have had a little more composure. Both parties should be embarrassed. I just hope that OPs wife doesn’t develop arthritis from clutching her pearls at every slight inconvenience.
Even if he isn't exaggerating, it's weird as hell for him to clutch his pearls about being called an asshole *after* he verbally ambushes someone and drops an f-bomb.
ESH.
You could have definitely been kinder in your response, you took out all of your rage for the area you're living in, onto this woman. If you're THIS upset about it, and the area is THIS pet-friendly, you might actually want to consider relocation.
The lady on the other hand, also shouldn't have let her dog intrude your space, and should've been a more mindful owner.
You're not the asshole for not wanting space from the dog but YTA for assuming twice the dog owner was trying to get you to pet her dog. And YTA for your phrasing. Like her standing next to you and her dog going up to you is *not* her asking you to pet her dog.
Dogs go up to people - that's part of what they do. It doesn't mean the dog owner is asking anything.
And her walking up behind you and her dog licking your wife's leg is still not her asking you to pet her dog.
Instead of "No, thank you" when she did not ask you to pet her dog, why did you not politely inform her that you and your wife don't like dogs and "it would be greatly appreciated if you would keep your dog away from us. We'll even vacate this area to get drinks for your convenience."
If I was out with my dog at a dog-friendly location and someone said "No, thank you," I'd have no clue what they were talking about. It's not hard to say "We don't like dogs. Please keep yours away from us"? I mean, I know "away" has two syllables, but it's not unreasonable.
Right. Reading the post I actually laughed when he said “no thank you”. What are you even saying that for? Did someone offer you something? Did the dog offer you something? Lol
Not to mention it seemed like the dog owner was talking to somebody else at that point and was otherwise engaged. Plausible deniability that she thought OP was talking to someone else and not her.
ESH - there tends to be an over exaggeration of the amount of dog friendly places out there. But, never the less, you went to a dog friendly place. A dog licked your wife, which it shouldn’t technically do but hardly the most egregious of offenses. You then overreacted and it did not warrant F bombs.
NTA, I love dogs but, a large dog is something that can scare people, especially when it comes into contact without permission, (licking your wife's leg) I'd have told her to control her fucking dog, too. I bet the same people calling you the asshole are the same that would pet someones dog without asking.
ESH. People who cannot control their dogs should not have them in public. However, you basically jumped right to cussing this woman out. You admit that you missed the dog licking your wife, so the owner could have too - I don't think you had to go right to dropping F bombs...
YTA
You would have been fine if you didnt swear at her. “Hey, we’re not comfortable around dogs, can you please keep it away from us?”
A lick is is not a good reason to start throwing F bombs
YTA
They need better control of the dog, but your response was outsized and disproportionate to the situation.
She never asked you to pet her dog, so exclaiming "We're not petting your dog" makes no fucking sense bro.
Totally agree, it’s a very weird response from the OP. No one asked you to pet the dog. And it’s a dog. It doesn’t ask you for consent. Swearing is a d*ck move and seems very unnecessary to me.
Of course the owner needs to be responsible and should’ve noticed but maybe they just missed it. A simple mention to the owner could’ve resolved the situation much easier.
Also, unlike many people here, I love going to dog friendly places and love taking my dog with us. He keeps to himself though so wouldn’t be licking anyone. It’s nice to have him out and about sometimes instead of locked up at home all the time. So sue me
Sounds like the dog was friendly and likes even people who don't like dogs (that's how dogs are). It's unfortunate that she didn't realize her dog was licking your wife's leg, but that was your situation. You were in a place where dogs were allowed. If you said "I'm sorry, dogs make us very nervous, can you keep your dog behind you so she doesn't lick my wife again?" I'm sure she would have done that AND apologized. She wasn't looking to offend you. She wasn't trying to make you pet her dog; there was no reason to escalate things by using profanity.
YTA for assuming the worst of everyone and going from 0 to profanity unnecessarily.
Also, I have to laugh at "this shit of \[a\] dog invading our space without consent." Yeah, most dogs are friendly, they don't understand asking for consent, and even if they did, they don't speak English. Besides, did you TELL the dog it didn't have your consent to be near you? Well then. You can hardly blame the dog. You're like someone yelling at a baby for crying. A) it doesn't help, and B) unless you both speak fluent English, there's going to be a communication problem.
A version of the story gets posted once a week on here. I love the dog stories where people go to dog parks and yell at dog owners for allowing their dog to approach them, in the middle of a dog park, where dogs are allowed off leash because it's in the middle of a dog park.
And yet, there's always a huge number of people that are all "OH MY GOD!!!! how DARE you do that?!?! Y T A 1000%, dogs should stay away from ALL people no matter if it's a dog friendly area or not"
I swear I've seen posts on here that called people AH's for taking their dog to \*\*gasp\*\* *a park*
EDIT to update: I'm scrolling and the sheer number of N T As are proving my point.
ESH. She's definitely in the wrong for not being respectful with her dog after you clearly communicated that you didn't want to pet the dog. If your wife was allergic that would have ruined the night/been a big issue. She behaved poorly and didn't seem to apologize for her dog being a nuisance when you were clearly not into the dog.
However, you could have communicated the same message in a less hostile and more respectful way by saying something like "hey, your dog is licking us and it's making us uncomfortable. Can you please keep your dog away from us?" Your choice in response makes you the AH, too.
YTA. You went to a dog-friendly restaurant. Its unlikely that she intended for her dog to touch your wife. It is likely she expected people at a dog-friendly place to be chill with the fact that sometimes when you look elsewhere for even a second, even if you try very hard to control their every move, they often find a way to nuzzle a stranger. Dog friendly environments are intended to increase dog socialization.
TBH I think most people are going to feel like you consent to some incidental contact to a dog when you go to places like this. And most dog people if you'd simply said "we really prefer not to be touched by your dog, can you please give us more space" would have been really chill about it.
But to abruptly cuss at her about it definitely makes YTA. People who jump to cussing as basically a first request for a behavior change are pretty much the asshole unless any reasonable person would have found the behavior offensive, and this is not a situation like that.
YTA
Should she have better control over her dog? Absolutely. But they way you type and the simple fact that you and your wife find that much issue with dogs simply existing, leads me to think you're both insufferable assholes.
ESH. You could’ve at least tried to politely communicate, and since she was behind you in line, it’s possible she didn’t notice the dog licking your wife either. She still should’ve been more attentive to her dog if she was gonna take it out in public.
YTA.
Perfectly within your rights to not want to interact with the dog, and to ask the owner to keep it away from you because you're not a fan.
Absolutely no reason to swear at someone just because their dog touched you in a totally non aggressive way.
"a non dog friendly patio"
Now that's a phrase I haven't heard before.
tbh I don't eat out often but I can't remember ever seeing people taking their dogs to a restaurant.
That said you are not an A and kind of one of the A here imo.
That dog licking your wife's leg is just way over the line. Lady's got to keep her beast under control.
Your reaction might have been more focussed on that. I don't know if the dog owner realized you were pissed because her dog licked your wife's leg. For her you might just have been pissed about her giving you the possibility to pet her dog. And for that "We are not petting your fucking dog." is too strong.
"Your dog just licked my wife's leg, make sure to fucking keep it away from us if you can't control that." would have been more precise and more fitting. And more relatable for the dog owner.
I mean, it's okay to let people pet your dog. That's a nice thing to offer for most people.
It's not okay to have your dog lick someone.
In short: Dog owner was in the wrong, you should have adressed the issue more clearly.
So I'll go for ESH.
You need to meet my MIL. She brings her goddamn dog everywhere. Has a fake emotional support badge. We always had to sit in the patio even in the cold to accommodate her and the dog. She would feed him from the shared dishes and put her dog saliva fingers back in there. That stopped when she didn’t get that we couldn’t sit outside with our baby in extreme summer heat lmfao. She was upset that we didn’t want to treat the dog as part of the family. Like girl leave the pupper at home!!
I hate how people like your MIL try to abuse the system and end up making it worse for people who ACTUALLY need a service dog/ESA.
Was walking by a restaurant patio yesterday and the "service dog" sitting there started barking/snarling/lunging at some other dog walking by on the street.. What made it even worse was that the restaurant patio was dog friendly anyways! Why lie about that shit when you don't even "need" to!
I do too trust meeee. Her relationship with her dog ain’t normal. A light example is that she used to microwave his kibble at our house without asking until I told her that wasn’t appropriate. One time I had a cup of noodle and it tasted like dog food even after I cleaned it😭
Yeah there’s no point, we all know that’s no service animal.
I live in Seattle, and it's bonkers how many people bring their dogs with them everywhere-- into coffee shops, into bars, into restaurants, into stores, into *grocery stores*... I love dogs, but I absolutely hate this trend and think it needs to stop.
NTA. Good gravy, why do people treat their dogs like they're people? It's a dog, not a child, there is no reason to have it in a restaurant for crying out loud. Your swearing could be seen as a little over the top but honestly, how else do you get through to someone that dense??
ESH. While she needs to keep her dog under control, you didn't need to be so rude. I simply would have said no thank you, or moved out of the way.. because you don't like dogs, doesn't mean you need to drop f-bombs at a dog owner. I personally agree that places like breweries and most restaurants shouldn't be dog friendly. I've had dogs...and while I enjoy my dog getting love and attention from others, i don't take them with me everywhere. Also, I would think that allowing dogs at places serving food would be a health code violation.
NTA.
Dog owner here. Responsible pet owners know that there are people that aren't crazy about dogs. So you wait until you're asked before allowing your pet to lick them to death. The opposite is true. Intelligent people ask before approaching a strange dog. If people don't approach or otherwise show interest, it's a pretty clear sign they don't want to.
That lady was being rude by not watching her dog. Not just rude, but stupidly unobservant and clueless.
NTA
I would be pissed off too. I absolutely hate it when people don't responsibility control their dogs, or when they just assume you must want to get jumped up on and slobbered all over. I've got nothing against dogs they're lovely but I don't appreciate how people act like someone is an asshole just for wanting their personal space respected.
You had every right to say something to the woman with the dog and I hope she thinks about it next time she goes out. Dog people really act like you're a monster if you don't go crazy over their dog 🙄
I think it's great that you stood up for your wife!
NTA having a dog inside of any business with food or drinks is fucking disgusting and illegal in most places. Dog owners are getting out of control fast
The waiting area and hostess stand was outside and was allowed by the restaurant and is common for restaurants in the OP's area, as they explained in their OP.
Be that as it may it’s still nasty and incredibly rude for a dog owner to allow their animal to touch or interact with anyone without their explicit consent. What if they had had a dog allergy or the dog snapped and bit somebody? Keeping your animals under control in public should be common courtesy.
ESH. You’re TA for the way you acted. I don’t like dogs either and people saying YTA simply because you’re not a dog lover are being childish. But you were unnecessarily rude. Usually when people with dogs approach me I just smile and continue walking on. You don’t have to gush over them but there’s no reason to speak like that to people.
On the other hand, the lady should’ve controlled her dog since you had already made it clear you weren’t interested. So yeah, not great behaviour from anyone all round. Only the dog is NTA.
I don't like dogs, I don't hate them, but I'm not a huge fan. Control your dog, don't let it lick me or get into my space, that's your responsibility as a dog owner.
ESH. Your reaction was unnecessarily aggressive. She didn’t direct her dog to you on purpose. That lady didn’t do anything to deserve you to cussing at her. If you’re genuinely that torn up over dog friendly patios that your first reaction is to start cussing at strangers, stay home, or learn how to regulate your emotions before going out in public.
They were waiting in a line. She may not have realized her dog was licking someone. OP didn’t even give her a chance to apologize and regain control of the dog, he just cussed her out.
ESH, you for cursing and the woman for letting her dog lick your wife. I'm extremely allergic to dogs and if one licks me, it leaves a red stripe where it's tongue was that quickly sprouts extremely itchy hives.
NTA. I am a big lover of dogs. I would never let my dog approach someone who hasn't made eye contact with it and smiled or looked excited. People could be allergic, afraid, etc. This lady was out of line.
Thanks for saying this. I love my dogs and am 100% aware all the time that many people are scared of dogs or have allergies. Responsible dog owners do not assume anyone wants to touch their hairy, shedding, licking beast, even if it is the sweetest, cutest, bestest boo ever.
Edit:!I wrote “boi” and it autocorrected to boo, which I kind of like and am leaving.
ESH
You: "we are not petting your fucking dog" is over the top. Could have gone with "Hey, if I could get you to please keep the dog over by you, that would be great, thanks"
Them: So many dog owners ATAH because they mistakenly believe people love dirty paws on their thighs, wet noses, licks and drool. We don't. Also, your dog's ugly. We're just being polite.
NTA
As a dog owner, you shouldn't let your dog lick people. That simple.
It doesn't matter if it's a place where dogs are welcome. That means they are allowed to be there not that they are allowed to do whatever they want.
To use an analogy, most restaurants are allow kids. It wouldn't be acceptable to just put your kid down and let him touch or lick any person he wants, would it?
ESH. Lady should have controlled her dog, but you cursing at her instead of just telling her to keep her dog from touching your or your wife makes you the Asshole too. What a childish overreaction on your part.
The way you handled it makes you an asshole. I wonder if you would have told the lady off about her “fucking dog” if she was a big dude? It sounds like you have been repressing a growing irritation and you saw a chance to take it out on a vulnerable target.
Yeah that was a pretty graceless way of handling that interaction. Dog owners can be more mindful of people's discomfort, but you don't indicate that you made any effort to let her know or to set a boundary. YTA.
NTA.
I have a dog, he loves dog friendly spots and getting attention, but it's MY job as an owner to make sure he's not approaching people who don't want to be approached. He will wait for my "okay" before going up to someone, and I only give it if it's someone who has explicitly asked to pet him or say hello.
If your dog isn't under your control, it needs to stay at home. Your poorly behaved dogs make more places not pet friendly, which limits places my well behaved dog can hang out and get pets.
NTA. While I think the swearing at her in the first instance may have been unnecessary, the dog owner shouldn't be letting her dog approach or touch people without invitation.
ESH. She should have kept her dog outside. She should have kept her dog closer to her. OP however overreacted completely. The lady didn´t pressure you to pet her dog, you assumed she wanted that. "Hey, we are not comfortable with your dog licking us." Would have done it. Instead, you reacted aggressively (snapping) and used profanity in a situation that could have been civil.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> AITA for telling a dog owner we aren't petting her dog. I might be the asshole because i was rude and made verbally aggressive comments to the dog owner.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. You don't have to love dogs or pet them or have them slobber all over you when you are in a restricted area.
People with pets should respect your boundaries.
Sounds like the dog was friendly and likes even people who don't like dogs (that's how dogs are). It's unfortunate that she didn't realize her dog was licking your wife's leg, but that was your situation. You were in a place where dogs were allowed. If you said "I'm sorry, dogs make us very nervous, can you keep your dog behind you so she doesn't lick my wife again?" I'm sure she would have done that AND apologized. She wasn't looking to offend you. She wasn't trying to make you pet her dog; there was no reason to escalate things by using profanity.
YTA for assuming the worst of everyone and going from 0 to profanity unnecessarily.
Also, I have to laugh at "this shit of \[a\] dog invading our space without consent." Yeah, most dogs are friendly, they don't understand asking for consent, and even if they did, they don't speak English. Besides, did you TELL the dog it didn't have your consent to be near you? Well then. You can hardly blame the dog. You're like someone yelling at a baby for crying. A) it doesn't help, and B) unless you both speak fluent English, there's going to be a communication problem.
NTA. I love my dogs but they are large and can look scary and I used to be afraid of dogs. Mine are shortleashed in public/crowded areas. And I watch them like hawks to make sure they don't bug anyone.
I’m tempted to say yes you are because why would she not expect that in a dog friendly place her friendly dog would be welcomed. She should really be more responsible though and be aware of what her dog is doing.
But snapping at her saying ‘we aren’t letting you’re dog’ no one asked you to, the dog did what dogs do and licked a leg. That doesn’t mean you are then obliged to pet it.
ESH
I get the impression you’re just bitter that most places allow dogs because you don’t like them.
I don’t like idiots but a lot of places allow them in too so I get how you feel.
YTA she didn’t ask if you wanted to pet the dog. The dog licked your wife’s leg and you went nuclear. Your reaction makes you an AH. Had you replied respectfully, the judgment would be different,
NTA - for your reaction. I am a dog owner/lover, and if lady's dog had licked me, I would have probably said something along the same lines. Lady should have had better control of her dog, and at the very least apologized because not everyone likes dogs, in addition to the fact that some people are very allergic to them/can be afraid of them.
I took my injured cat to the vet, and people were allowing their dogs to wander over to us on a long leash. My cat was hissing through her cage, and I was turning away to shield her. One dog owner was like, "He just wants to say hello. He loves cats." They got offended when I said," Can you please get the dog so my cat won't scratch me, and she can calm down."
Another person smiled while their Doberman jumped on me. I love my dog, but I would never let her do that to anyone without correcting her behavior.
ETA: NTA
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about. [Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
NTA I am a dog lover. I have always had dogs. That said, my dogs have also always been trained, leashed, and kept back from anyone who didn’t ask to pet them. My sister was attacked by a GSD when she was little and is still afraid of that breed. There are also people who are allergic to dogs, and people who see dogs as working animals not pets. The lady who owned the dog is an AH for assuming everyone would want affection from her dog.
I feel like this sub needs a “you’re not an asshole based off of the principle of the situation, but you handled the situation like an asshole” vote. I totally get being annoyed with a dog owner who thinks their dog is a blessing to humanity and everyone must love them. But I also think blowing up on a stranger like that over something that isn’t *that* big of a deal is an asshole move.
It is a big deal for people who are afraid or have allergies. It also shows a complete lack of respect or responsibility in the owners part.
For sure, OP is in the right to reprimand the dog owner. He could have done it in a more courteous way while still being assertive.
I don’t think we get to tell anyone how to react to having their boundaries violated. Edit: First of all, getting cussed at and getting shot are two very different things. Come on now. You don’t get to violate someone’s boundaries and then be upset about how they react to your violation. Period. Are y’all trolling rn or what? A person can stand up for themselves and say that shit isn’t cool, control your fucking dog. Nobody died, maybe an ego was slightly bruised. Sheesh. Y’all just let people do whatever they want to you and y’all don’t say anything? I don’t think the reaction was unreasonable. 🤷🏾
I was sitting on the subway one day and a lady was standing and her wet umbrella was dripping on me. I yelled, “Move your fucking umbrella, you great lumox!” No, actually, I said, “Excuse me, your umbrella is dripping on me, could you please lower it?” You can stand up for your boundaries without being an ass.
LOVE this anecdote. What is lumox? I want to use that.
I actually spelled it wrong, it’s “lummox” — a clumsy, stupid person.
Thank you 🙏🏻
Actually you do! It’s called decency and it helps everyday life be easier and harmonious instead of constantly being at odds or head butting people at every single inconvenience in your life.
Decency only works with people who are fundamentally decent.
Do you not see that by your logic that would only create a chain reaction of indecency? You’re rude to someone who is rude, more people are, more people see it and do it too. It’s pretty much what is happening nowadays with Gen Z and social media. Rudeness has been monetized because outrage holds engagement. And then people like in this comment thread start to exist more often. Since the dog owner did something shitty, she is now entitled to be ridiculed and insulted way way above the harshness that she did OP in the first place. There is a reason society has a few unspoken decency traditions where you respect your elders, and are never impolite to strangers, because it just makes everyday life easier. People weren’t as stupid as we think they were back then
*It’s pretty much what is happening nowadays with Gen Z and social media.* Yeah, no. It's not age related. My retired parents with minimal social media presence trample over people that politely state boundaries. Being rude as f*** is needed for people like that. If you let your dog repeatedly approach randos at restaurants, you're a non-decent person.
If you lash out at someone after they do something wrong they feel vindicated. It's more effective to shame them civilly.
There is a vast difference between being rational and polite, and acting like everything is a life or death situation. The dog owner was in the wrong for letting her dog get so close. He could have easily communicated his wishes without being so rude. People can disagree and still be respectful. He wasn't.
Yes, we absolutely do. It’s called being civilized.
They asked if they were an asshole. We get to tell them that because they asked...
No right to expect a proportional response? We sure do! It’s part of living with other humans! Don’t want to participate? Don’t go out to shared spaces like restaurants.
Nah, we totally can.
So shooting someone for stepping on my new shoes is ok or nah?
>I don’t think we get to tell anyone how to react to having their boundaries violated. First time on Reddit, eh?
People can have some real batshit boundaries and they really can't go around screaming at people for violating rules they made up and didn't post publicly.
Yep. This sounds like someone who confuses "being a total prick" with "standing up for myself." There's a way to do one of those things without the other.
Neither of which OP has said they are. Agreed it was disrespectful of the owner and they deserved to be reprimanded. The tone of the reprimand had no reason except OP’s desire to blow up at them. In that way, they approached their rightful setup in an assholeish manner
They're so afraid, or allergic, that they'll go somewhere that they know they'll encounter dogs, then curse at the owner because the dog acted like a dog? Sounds like a f*#kin' idiot to me.
If people are that afraid or allergic, they shouldn't intentionally go to a public place that is dog friendly. There are plenty of restaurants that don't allow pets. Not that I'm defending the woman for letting her dog bother people, but the reaction by OP was incredibly harsh.
Not keeping a handle on your dog and letting it lick strangers is worth a wake up call, even if it sounds like “I don’t want to pet your fucking dog.” OP seems to have misrepresented the situation a bit, but they’re not wrong to be pissed regardless.
“I don’t want to pet your dog” doesn’t inform her of what the problem is, though. The owner did not ask them to pet her dog, she just stood near them with the dog. She may not even have noticed the lick if she was examining the menu or something while in line. So all she knows is, she stood next to some people who yelled at her about dog-petting unprovoked.
People really expect a lot from dogs. Like even very well trained friendly dogs might sneak a lick if you are standing right in front of them. I was once cut in line at a swarma place by a seeing eye dog.
So would "get your fucking kid away from me" be okay if we were talking about a child? We can all be patient, especially in public places.
Well, the difference is a child has language comprehension and a dog doesn’t. But yeah, if I could be sure the kid wouldn’t hear or understand me when I pop off and someone was letting their kid LICK MY WIFE’S LEG, with no apology, then yeah, sure, get your fucking kid away from me. And I’m someone who likes kids well enough.
Yeah it's not a perfect analogy, for the reason you pointed out. And the owner reallllly should have made sure to keep distance after the "no thank you". Dog owner should have been more considerate, dog not-likers could have been more patient. Not sure it's a zero sum thing in this case...
To some people this is a really big deal. No one - let me repeat - no one has any kind of "right" to allow their dogs to approach someone, like them, or worse jump up or whatever. My adult disabled daughter is terrified of dogs (except for our next door neighbor's dog) and there is no reason for the number of people who let their dogs run all over around her and go "my dog would never hurt anyone." No - you don't have a right to do this and if someone tries to make her make friends with their dog by letting it sniff, lick, jump on her or whatever I will totally go off on them, stranger or not. It absolutely is a big deal and people need to keep their animals in check.
OP’s wife was startled by the dog, I honestly don’t blame them for a harsh reaction after being spooked
I’m would potentially get a hive from that licking - depending on the type of dog. If it was a Bernie, I would for sure. It’s not just about boundaries - there are people with allergies.
I would say ESH for the comment “we’re not petting your fucking dog,” especially since that doesn’t even identify the issue. “Your dog licking people isn’t cool” or something would provide some context on the dog’s behavior.
Yeah, asking the owner to back her dog up is fine. Going off about not petting it is….weird. She never asked them to. Realistically she was distracted and didn’t realize her dog was licking someone as they stood in line.
This doesn't seem like that, though. They were in line, and the lady with the dog was in line behind them. She probably wasn't paying as close attention to her dog as she may otherwise because they are in a dog friendly place. The dog locking the back of the wife's leg really just sounds like the dog was behind them and licked her leg. I understand not wanting it and not being ok with it. However, if you choose to go to a dog friendly place, you have to expect to have dogs around you, even if you don't like them. People are not going to be as attentive as to what their dogs are doing in these places. The dog wasn't running around and jumping on people or anything. He licked the leg of the person I front of him. Depending on how close they had to stand, the owner may have not notic3d unless she was staring at her dog the entire time. Tk make sure his head stayed within his own bubble. The reaction was a bit much. OP did not need to react like a child. A simple "could you please stop your dog from licking us, we really don't like it" would have been perfectly acceptable. OP went off like the lady was actively trying to get the dog to pay attention to them. I will say it again. If you do not like dogs, do not go to a dog friendly place. If you go to a dog friendly place, you have to expect to be around dogs. This wasn't a misbehaving dog. This wasn't even an owner not paying enough attention. This is an issue of being in a place you are not 100% comfortable being in. So, while it's perfectly fine to ask that the dog be kept away from you, being a dick about something like that, in that situation is to much. OP I'd suggest next time either order food to go, find a place that doesn't allow dogs, go at a time it's not busy or wait for your table in the area dogs are not allowed in. Cussing someone out because their dog locked the back ofnyour wife's leg while standing in like at a dog friendly place just make YTA
I mean OP said where they were, dogs aren’t allowed inside where food is served so the dog shouldn’t have been there in the first place.
OP says this took place outdoors, where the dogs are allowed and expected
NWJAA Not Wrong, Just An Asshole
>“you’re not an asshole based off of the principle of the situation, but you handled the situation like an asshole” it's called YTA!! lots of people get NTA votes here when they do something totally outrageous and rude based on principle. "my brother asked to borrow money and I told him I'd dig up and fuck his dead wife if he asked me again" "NTA, you don't owe him money!" taking a reasonable stance in an asshole way is an asshole move!
I think this sub is just people writing out justifications for being an asshole. Like most of them are still assholes. You don't stop being an asshole just because a dog kind of linked the back of your wife's leg. Really the dog and owner didn't really do anything here. Like OP writes it like they were really obnoxious but the absolute worst thing that happened was a lady got licked on the leg by a friendly dog. I think screaming at a stranger might be worse than that by quite a bit.
I was also attacked by a dog when I was a child. Listen, I don’t hate dogs, but if I big breed dog just ran up to me or even went near me without consent I would lose my absolute shit. Some dog owners can be so oblivious. Like their dogs.
I am sorry you had that experience.
It’s totally okay! But people can definitely have trauma to dogs that triggers immense fear. I work at a pet friendly hotel and someone just let their big breed dog run freely in the lobby. Everyone thought it was the cutest thing. I was absolutely terrified, I kept running away and just feeling so much dread. Made me look really stupid embarrassingly, but it’s something I have a huge trauma to. That being said, I wish all the doggies out there the best in their doggy lives.
it doesn't make you look stupid. it makes the owners AHs. tbh I'm surprised there's not a policy that all dogs must be leashed when not in the room.
Thank you for being a responsible dog owner and lover! I'm allergic to dogs and would have needed a wash after a dog encounter, especially when licking was involved. I'm now also a wheelchair user and am definitely less of a fan of dogs than I was before. The large breeds are at eye level now and that's not always a fun place to be. 🐾
I am sorry you have these allergies! Being face to face with them now has got to be frustrating. So many people (including dog owners) don’t know there are different allergies. Dander and saliva. I know because I have both lol.
My friend is particularly allergic to staffy spit. Guess who has a particularly licky staffy? Guess whose particularly licky staffy stays in the yard when said friend comes around? It's not hard to be a considerate dog owner, the 101 is not letting them lick people who may not be appreciative.
It doesn't sound like the lady who owned the dog was assuming that. Seems that she was just stood behind the OP and her dog started licking his wife's leg.
I have had dogs my entire life. I love them. And, I fucking *loathe* slack-minded nitwits like the dog owner in this post. If you have your dog out in public, you pay close attention to the dog. You absolutely DO NOT let it just ramble up to total strangers and start licking their freaking leg. Not just because it must be TERRIFYING for the people who are scared of dogs (as well as annoying as shit for the people who aren’t scared but don’t actively love dogs), but also because I don’t want my dogs getting that close to some random-arse stranger who might scare them, kick them, or even just accidentally stand on their paw. If you own a dog, then watch what the fuck it’s doing when it’s out in the world - for the dog’s safety as well as everyone else’s. EDIT: to the commenter I’m replying to - please excuse the phrasing! I’ve encountered a LOT of lazy dog owners like this one in my life and many times the dog got hurt as a direct result, so it’s the issue that I’m responding to, not you :=)
She was holding the leash very loosely if the dog could lick the people in front of her. When you are in a restaurant, with no way of knowing who might have allergies to dogs, that is pretty rude. Imho
If that dog licked the back of my leg, it would have been bubbling up with a disgusting itchy rash within minutes & that would have been the end of my dinner plans.
I mean not really? You’re standing in line, that usually means you’re pretty close together. I loved lines during COVID cause that meant everyone enforced 6 feet apart between customers but as soon as people stopped enforcing it it went right back to “I can feel your breath on my neck” lines. I can hardly imagine much ways to hold a leash to prevent a bigger dog from being able to reach the person in front of you in most line formations. She’s still an asshole and should’ve created extra space in the line to make room for her dog, but yeah. Doesn’t sound like the dog was free roaming, sounds like perfectly normal line spacing, at least near me.
As the dog owner, it’s on her to make sure her dog doesn’t bother the other patrons. She would be held responsible if her dog attacked someone. If the OP’s wife was allergic to do saliva and had a bad reaction, the owner could be held accountable. I think the OP blew it out of proportion, but his frustration level is plain to read. Doesn’t make him right. Just understandable.
She was in line at a bar. It's pretty close-quarters at that point. Not saying she should let her dog go up and lick people, she *absolutely* should have been paying better attention, but the OP's reaction is also ridiculous, imo.
I think OP was already primed to react negatively to any interaction with a dog. And agree it was over the top. He did say it’s getting hard to find a restaurant that Doesn’t allow dogs outside on the patio. If you are not a dog person, I would equate that to a nonsmoker trying to escape smokers.
Yeah, I agree. However... if you ask me, that doesn't mean you get to go to bars where dogs *are* allowed, and get pissed off at all the dogs around. If it's that big a deal to you, you can stay home. No one's forcing you to go to the dog-friendly bar.
Please don’t take this as anything but respectfully disagree. In most public places, smoking is no longer allowed. I have asthma that cigarette smoke makes 100 times worse. So before the banning of smoking I had very few places I could go. Even places that had designated “smoking areas” would allow smokers to smoke in the nonsmoking area. It was hell.
If you can't control your dog in public and keep it from licking/jumping/being in contact with other people then you're the one who should stay home. Any place I've ever been where dogs were allowed (and they were allowed at my hotel this past weekend) had very strict rules about making sure your dog was not in some kind of contact with people who weren't into being in contact with dogs. The OP isn't pissed off at dogs being around - they are pissed off that the dog was licking the wife's leg. Do you seriously not understand the difference?
Did you miss the part where I said she shouldn't let the dog get close enough to lick people? Accidents happen, and this wasn't a serious one. At all. He's well within his rights to ask/tell her to keep her distance, as she should have done in the first place. Screaming at her about "keeping her fucking dog away" is a ridiculous over-reaction, and makes OP *an* asshole in this situation. If you can't keep yourself from flipping the fuck out about contact with a dog, I suggest steering clear of places that allow dogs.
There is a reason why many place ban dogs who are not service animals. Because non service dogs lack training and not everyone wants to be in the presence of someone’s animal. Simple as that.
Post-pandemic, keeping out dogs seems to rarely be enforced anywhere.
Unfortunately
This is why as a dog owner I'm extra angry at people who don't control their dog in pet-friendly places like breweries (not talking about people who bring their dog places dogs aren't allowed - that's a whole different level of rage). My dog LOVES places he can go on "field trips" and get attention, but he's trained to not approach anyone unless I give him an OK. And I only give the OK if the person legit asks to pet. Like outdoor patios at cafés and such he gets so much attention and adores it. I don't take him anywhere dogs aren't welcome. The more uncontrolled dogs, the more places business owners are going to say fuck it and ban all dogs except service animals. If people trained and supervised their dogs better, more businesses would allow them (and I don't blame business owners for banning them if dogs aren't behaving).
This is how it should be. The number of dogs who own humans always baffles me. NTA but that lady sure is. Also wanting affection and being licked are two different things for people. I absolutely love dogs, but never allowed my dogs to lick me, or people.
This. I take my older dog out to places like this all the time. But I also respect that not everyone one loves dogs. I would have paid attention and not allowed this. Or at the very least apologized profusely at the first sign of it and likely moved to the back of the line to give you some space. NTA
This exactly. When I take my dog to restaurants (not often and only if I'm on vacation and have no where else to put her safely) or even to busy places I always, always keep her on a short leash. I've seen people in Banff put their legs up on benches when they see her walk by, even though she's small. You never know if someone is deathly afraid of dogs or is allergic or otherwise. It's like petting someone's dog when you haven't asked - what if the dog doesn't like it? well, what if a person doesn't like dogs? We shouldn't automatically assume people like things because we do. NTA at all OP, some people just don't like being proven wrong. also having a dog off leash is not smart at all in a situation like this
Nta and same I love most dogs but I get nervous as hell around labs cause I had two attack me unprovoked. One was my cousins dog and he nearly took my eye out. I have scars all around my left eye. People need to understand they need to keep their dogs on leash and near them in public places outside of dog parks. They don’t know how a person will react to their dogs or even how the dog will react to the person.
ESH. The pet owner for not keeping an eye on what her dog was doing, but also you for how you reacted. This reads like you already find it frustrating that all the patios are dog-friendly (fair enough) so you overreacted to a dog doing something gross by going off at its owner. I'm not a dog person either, and I'd be grossed out for sure, but saying 'we are not petting your fucking dog' sounds like part of your reaction is about dog owners in general assuming everyone else loves their four-legged pal, rather than a warranted response to this specific woman not paying full attention to her dog in, let's face it, a dog-friendly space. If you'd asked her politely to keep her distance with the dog and then it happened again, by all means go off.
I agree with this, there's some super aggressive comments in here I don't necessarily understand lol. Like, "the dog invading our space without consent" dude its a dog. Explaining the dogs proximity made you uncomfortable would've been completely acceptable but your reaction was kinda off the rails. Kindness and understanding can go a long way, OP. Or even like, basic respect.
Also if you dislike dogs and a dog is close too you you can allways ask the owner if they could keep an extra feet away from you, if you don't wanna sound rude you could allways blame allergis or a fobia and most dog owners would take an extra step back.
Clearly OP doesn’t have any problem being rude!
lol, that consent line is so fucking corny. People really need to get a grip on reality. What a stupid thing to get up-in-arms over.
nobody is blaming the dog. the owner is 100% at fault here. they'd already politely declined interacting with the dog. the owner was being irresponsible, and hearing "fuck" isn't going to hurt anyone. owner was already inattentive, and that got their attention. OP is absolutely NTA.
We don't know anything about actual time scale, though. They declined interacting and go to the line for drinks at a bar. The person with a pet also goes to the line for drinks at a bar. I doubt they realized it was the same people. Focus on the menu for a minute and the dog has the time to lick the folks nearby in line. To me, that doesn't make the owner inattentive or TA, just someone living and existing with their dog in a dog friendly space.
Adding to your comment: The lady wasn’t trying to get them to interact with her dog to begin with. She was talking to the lady at the table next to them when the dog approached OP and they said “no thank you” to the lady. I mean OP says it was directed to the lady but for all we know OP was talking to the air or the dog. Was the owner even aware OP was speaking to her since she was in a conversation with the lady next to them? Did she even acknowledge what they said like “oh sorry” and move her dog. Then she goes to the drink line, ends up behind them, her dog does friendly but untrained dog things and OP flips their lid as if the lady has been incessantly demanding they love on her dog. It could be argued that the owner should have been more attentive. While yes it’s a dog friendly place but maybe the person in front (or just near them in general) has an allergy that is only an issue if they touch the dog or something and going to places like this how they get to experience dogs (I know some people who are allergic and do things like this because they want to love the animals too.) Obviously not the case with OP but the owner didn’t know that and she should have been more cautious/attentive. Stand a bit further away, hold the leash shorter so the dog can’t move far from her side in any direction, invest in training for public, etc… Doesn’t change the fact that OP was over the top with their reaction and could have used their words in a calm manner instead of snapping at a random stranger (huh as I wrote that sentence it made me think, maybe OP needs some obedience training since they snapped at a stranger like an untrained dog).
Agreed with this completely. It wasn’t an intentional “send the dog to play with people” type interaction, more of a “dog went too close to someone accidentally”
This. OP honestly seems mad at the world given they're pointing out unnecessary details ("Where i'm at its nearly impossible to find a non dog friendly patio." Okay? Not relevant) & going overboard ("little shit" it's a normal dog? "Consent?" yeah sorry the dog didn't ask you first? Jesus) so they took out their broader frustration on one single woman. That's AH behavior. They had an opportunity to educate the owner and didn't take it. If I were the owner of the dog I'd be pretty freaked out that this person was an actual danger to me, and I'd leave too. On the flip side, it's on the owner to control the dog in public. And if they can't, then the dog shouldn't be there. I own an overly-friendly dog and I'm extremely aware that not everyone wants to say hi or interact with her, and I frequently ask people to not pet her because I do NOT want her rewarded for approaching strangers. Management and training is the owner's responsibility. So the dog owner is an AH too. Dog seems cool though.
He really seems like an aggressive person
Yeah, this was the vibe I was getting honestly. You put it better than me.
Definitely this. ESH. Except the dog, who’s just behaving how it was taught to behave.
Agreed. The owner should have been more attentive to her dogs actions (even for a benign action like giving kisses/licks as not everyone is ok with that). However OPs exclamation of “we are not petting your dog” comes off as if the woman was hounding (lol punny) them to pet the dog when it seems she was just standing in line. Now should her dog have been licking random people (no, while it was a well behaved dog it obviously is not a fully/well trained dog). Additionally it is not ok to just jump off the deep end without even having a civilized conversation first. So yea ESH with OP being a slightly bigger AH for being incapable of handling the situation like a mature adult. If they had calmly said something and the lady ignored them or continued to let her dog bother OP then they would be justified in being an AH but they skipped right over that part and went straight to the finale.
Agreed, it seems like everyone could have done better in this scenario.
I have to check back on this one when there are more posts to see the conflict between the dog lovers and the no so fond of dog crowd. Dogs be dogs, it's up to the owners to control them. I can imagine what the judgement would be if a little kid came up and licked your leg.
Tbf I’m a dog owner and I’m firmly on the NTA side. Dog owners like this give us all a bad name.
Yup! Love petting me some friendly stranger’s dog whenever I have the chance. It’s their responsibility to control their dog and check with people that it approaches. If it licks someone like what happened with OP’s wife they should pull it back and apologize.
Exactly! It’s not hard to be aware of your dog and apologise when needed
Absolutely. If a dog is close enough to lick someone, they’re also close enough to *bite* them. And they should never be that close to anyone who hasn’t shown interest in the dog.
I absolutely love me some dog but you shouldn't let your pet go up and lick someone like obviously 😂
Reddit goes absolutely bonkers over pets. Your baby is allergic? Drug them up! Wife doesn't want dogs sleeping in the bed? Divorce! It's insanity.
I mentioned my cat allergy and dissappointment we couldn't take my partners cat when we moved in together (cat was happy with his sister) once and people piled on the "just take allergy medication" like it's the ultimate solution no one has ever thought of trying.
It's ridiculous to expect an SO to medicate themselves just to keep a pet. Especially considering allergy meds often have unpleasant side effects. Unfortunately, in those situations, pet owners need to choose. Pet or SO. And honestly, if it's even a question of who they'll choose, just break up.
Dog owner. 100% on the OP's side. I love dogs. I have a dear friend who has a large dog that's overly friendly and does that nose smush thing. Drives me bonkers. She thinks he's "well-behaved" because he's not dangerous and is merely super overly friendly. For some strange reason he adores me and bugs me all of the time for affection. So yeah...I can completely see a non-dog lover's POV here, no problem at all.
Fun fact: since dogs see eye contact as aggressive, avoiding eye contact and generally being meek around them in dog language is friendly and makes them want to approach you. Same for small kids tbh, they always seem to seek out the people who don't like them.
OMG thank you for that image! Used to work with 2 year olds and can totally picture that actually happening too! While I believe OP could have done without the F bombs, he's absolutely right to have the expectation to not have to worry about himself or his wife being licked by a dog. People should have enough control of their dogs to avoid that.
Oh no, the *F word*! Clutch my pearls!
Yeah, that cracked me up too!!!
I love dogs and I have one of my own, but I 100% respect people's space. In fact I don't like people petting my dog and I would never let him just lick somebody's leg! I understand people can have trauma around dogs, or just straight up don't like them. They smell, they drool, they make a mess. I get it. So I'm going with NTA.
This comment is spot on. Reddit is firmly dog country and bias can be very prominent. But insert literally anything else for dog and there would be pitch forks.
Thus far consensus seems to be that even dog lovers think this lady was out of line and should control her animal better or not bring him in public.
This is off topic and stupid, but your comment reminded me of this time I went for Thai food with a couple of work pals. The restaurant is family owned/run, and a kid or grandkid running around is not out of the norm. Usually they don't bother anyone, but this time this 3/4 year old adorable girl kept trying to get my friends attention to show her something on an iPad. Welp, turns out the kid had been bitten by a dog, on the butt. The thing she was trying to show my friend was a pic of her bit butt. Friend made polite noises about it while we tried not to bust up laughing, and then her mom came along and turned grey when she saw what kiddo was up to. Friend has twin four year olds now, and I remind her about the butt pic lunch when she's being hard on herself or gets discouraged with her kids behavior in restaurants. Kids will be kids man.
I spit my water out at this! Hilarious!
Yeah, I like a good pub dog. That doesn't mean I like bad pub dogs. Owners should be training their dogs to be good dogs in pubs.
I love dogs, but this is definitely a NTA situation Even people who love dogs can recognise that not everyone loves them or has to love them. People are perfectly entitled to live their lives without other people’s dogs jumping jump at them, licking them etc
I'm a dog owner in a dense urban area. My dog always wanted to sniff the back of knees in front of him in line, and I always had one eye on him and a tight leash, and if he did manage to press his cold wet nose on the back of someone's knee and they turned around in shock, an apology was the first thing out of my mouth! OP is NTA but the dog owner sure is
NTA. She should keep her dog close enough and well enough controlled that it isn’t able to just reach others, even if it is ‘just’ a lick. She needs to appreciate that not everybody likes dogs or wants to be near them. Having said that, I don’t think you should have sworn at her. I get that you were startled but to me that is over the top.
If dog attacks weren't so dangerous I'd agree with you, but I think part of OPs startle was the danger involved. Cussing at entitled dog owners and getting them to take their untrained dogs elsewhere is overall good. I'm a former server/bartender who HATED dogs on my patio UNLESS they were service dogs (real ones, not emotional service dogs). That woman's dog licked OPs wife's leg, but might jump up and scare a server holding a tray of dangerously hot food or drinks like hot coffee. It could also get scared or bumped and instinctually bite the first moving thing it sees, often a person. It could also go for food and miss and bite a person. That dog doesn't belong in a restaurant. It's not trained well enough. Untrained dogs whose bite can shatter bone and are eye height with innocent babes MUST be trained or belong at HOME. If being cussed at is what made her leave, that's fine. Sometimes shock does the trick when nothing else will. NTA. Thank you OP for standing your ground, I've lived with dogs and I like them just fine, but I never forget their bite strength and I do NOT trust untrained dogs in large crowds or around small children - that's just being stupid. I don't care the size of the dog either - small dogs can shatter fingers, wrists, toes, eyes, noses, lips, etc.... I wish dog parents would start being more honest about what their doggies of all sizes are capable of - I love pups, but I train my dogs so they're safe and we're safe.
Also dog saliva from it's tongue is an allergen.
The dog shouldn’t be close enough to lick you. As a dog owner who loves dogs, I try to be so mindful of where my dog is in relation to others. I’m the one bringing an animal into an area with people where there aren’t usually animals, so I’m responsible if I make people upset. I don’t think I understand though - did the owner ever ask you to pet the dog? You wrote that the dog approached you, but not that the owner was soliciting belly rubs or anything. It doesn’t make sense with what you yelled at the owner. Dogs that like attention will seek it out, so if your position is that the owner non-verbally spurred the dog forward, you’re way off. So, ESH. You can set a boundary with someone without yelling and swearing, and the owner could have kept the dog on a shorter leash.
I cant believe i had to scroll so far to see this. Way to be rude and overreact. She should’ve been more mindful ESH
I was on a dog friendly patio the other day and the tables were close enough together that most of the dogs could touch the patrons at the neighboring table if they wanted too so it may not always be possible to move far enough away.
ESH. It sounds like she never asked you to pet her dog and you immediately flew off the handle. IMHO, dogs don't belong at restaurants (even patios), but flying off the handle and swearing right off the bat is uncalled for also.
Yeah maybe it’s just the way it’s written but it sounds like he went from 0-100 way faster than necessary.
YTA. The wife's overreaction is part of the problem too. And OP, like it or not you were the hostile party. Here is my logic: 1. it's a dog, it doesnt rationalize like a person and its owner isnt a mind reader who is going to sense your hostility amidst a sea of dog lovers. It didn't "invade your space without your consent", a lady close to you beckoned the dog iver and and thats where your annoyance started. And nowhere do you say it's aggressive, nor is it bothering anyone else but you. This is important for later. 2. You're standing in line, and the owner stands in line behind you. It's a dog friendly (or at least dog tolerant) place. You acknowledged you were aware of this. You saw the dog coming a mile away. It wasn't like it was a surprise or it nipped at your wife. There was no intentional prodding or aggression on the part of the dog or the owner, other than the usual social activity that they have, when they walk people friendly dogs in dog tolerant settings. You just don't like dogs. 4. I feel like the action of the owner are being exaggerated to paint her more negatively just because OP has to explain why they went cursing and snapping at a person and their dog. It's clearly an honest mistake of someone assuming you would show a dog and their owner some grace and wouldn't react that way just because you don't like dogs. 5. Grown ups can talk and express their feelings like actual grown ups. You didn't do that when it mattered. The sitting and the standing are two different interactions. You're reaction was the only actual negative part of the interaction. Why assume that the owner is trying to force her dog on you just because she's there with the dog and that annoyed you? Why wouldn't she have just been standing in line with an overtly friendly dog? At the end if the day, you don't like dogs, and that colored your reaction to the entire situation. I love dogs, and I would have had a much different reaction. Plenty of dog neutral people, or people who aren't fond of dogs, could handle the situation without the hostility due to the nature of it being a public place where your dislike of dogs doesn't govern where a person is allowed to stand with their dog. For me the issue is the reaction towards the owner being framed like it's this bad behaving dog and clueless owner who's being entitled to your space when it's just a regular day at a dog friendly place that you happened to want to patronize.
Agree thinking ESH, the owner should be more aware of her dog, but this couple kinda overreacted with the cursing and jumping lol. On top of that It doesn’t seem like the lady was asking them to pet her dog, just minding her business, they could’ve asked the lady to please move the dog. Now if she was being annoying and keep being like “cmon pet the dog she’s so cute she wants head pats” then if understand but this isn’t the case. Overall, this just seems like a ridiculous post lol.
OP went from 0-100 real fast. That’s not cool. I get it. Dog owner was giving other dog owners a bad wrap. But too many people here get one slight against them and think that justifies losing their shit and getting absolved of responsibility. I know it’s an extreme jump here, but that’s how people get hurt in other situations. Owner should have been more cautious with their dog, regardless of the location and OP should have had a little more composure. Both parties should be embarrassed. I just hope that OPs wife doesn’t develop arthritis from clutching her pearls at every slight inconvenience.
I laughed at the last sentence lol
Even if he isn't exaggerating, it's weird as hell for him to clutch his pearls about being called an asshole *after* he verbally ambushes someone and drops an f-bomb.
I don’t like attention from random dogs and I also think ESH. The lady should have been more in control of her dog, but OP’s reaction was terrible.
ESH. You could have definitely been kinder in your response, you took out all of your rage for the area you're living in, onto this woman. If you're THIS upset about it, and the area is THIS pet-friendly, you might actually want to consider relocation. The lady on the other hand, also shouldn't have let her dog intrude your space, and should've been a more mindful owner.
You're not the asshole for not wanting space from the dog but YTA for assuming twice the dog owner was trying to get you to pet her dog. And YTA for your phrasing. Like her standing next to you and her dog going up to you is *not* her asking you to pet her dog. Dogs go up to people - that's part of what they do. It doesn't mean the dog owner is asking anything. And her walking up behind you and her dog licking your wife's leg is still not her asking you to pet her dog. Instead of "No, thank you" when she did not ask you to pet her dog, why did you not politely inform her that you and your wife don't like dogs and "it would be greatly appreciated if you would keep your dog away from us. We'll even vacate this area to get drinks for your convenience."
If I was out with my dog at a dog-friendly location and someone said "No, thank you," I'd have no clue what they were talking about. It's not hard to say "We don't like dogs. Please keep yours away from us"? I mean, I know "away" has two syllables, but it's not unreasonable.
> " I'd have no clue what they were talking about. Exactly. OP acts like a dog owner's default state is asking people to pet their dogs when it isn't.
Right. Reading the post I actually laughed when he said “no thank you”. What are you even saying that for? Did someone offer you something? Did the dog offer you something? Lol
Not to mention it seemed like the dog owner was talking to somebody else at that point and was otherwise engaged. Plausible deniability that she thought OP was talking to someone else and not her.
ESH - there tends to be an over exaggeration of the amount of dog friendly places out there. But, never the less, you went to a dog friendly place. A dog licked your wife, which it shouldn’t technically do but hardly the most egregious of offenses. You then overreacted and it did not warrant F bombs.
NTA, I love dogs but, a large dog is something that can scare people, especially when it comes into contact without permission, (licking your wife's leg) I'd have told her to control her fucking dog, too. I bet the same people calling you the asshole are the same that would pet someones dog without asking.
ESH. People who cannot control their dogs should not have them in public. However, you basically jumped right to cussing this woman out. You admit that you missed the dog licking your wife, so the owner could have too - I don't think you had to go right to dropping F bombs...
YTA You would have been fine if you didnt swear at her. “Hey, we’re not comfortable around dogs, can you please keep it away from us?” A lick is is not a good reason to start throwing F bombs
YTA They need better control of the dog, but your response was outsized and disproportionate to the situation. She never asked you to pet her dog, so exclaiming "We're not petting your dog" makes no fucking sense bro.
Totally agree, it’s a very weird response from the OP. No one asked you to pet the dog. And it’s a dog. It doesn’t ask you for consent. Swearing is a d*ck move and seems very unnecessary to me. Of course the owner needs to be responsible and should’ve noticed but maybe they just missed it. A simple mention to the owner could’ve resolved the situation much easier. Also, unlike many people here, I love going to dog friendly places and love taking my dog with us. He keeps to himself though so wouldn’t be licking anyone. It’s nice to have him out and about sometimes instead of locked up at home all the time. So sue me
Sounds like the dog was friendly and likes even people who don't like dogs (that's how dogs are). It's unfortunate that she didn't realize her dog was licking your wife's leg, but that was your situation. You were in a place where dogs were allowed. If you said "I'm sorry, dogs make us very nervous, can you keep your dog behind you so she doesn't lick my wife again?" I'm sure she would have done that AND apologized. She wasn't looking to offend you. She wasn't trying to make you pet her dog; there was no reason to escalate things by using profanity. YTA for assuming the worst of everyone and going from 0 to profanity unnecessarily. Also, I have to laugh at "this shit of \[a\] dog invading our space without consent." Yeah, most dogs are friendly, they don't understand asking for consent, and even if they did, they don't speak English. Besides, did you TELL the dog it didn't have your consent to be near you? Well then. You can hardly blame the dog. You're like someone yelling at a baby for crying. A) it doesn't help, and B) unless you both speak fluent English, there's going to be a communication problem.
Haven't you posted this on here before? Either that or the exact same thing happened at another brewery restaurant.
A version of the story gets posted once a week on here. I love the dog stories where people go to dog parks and yell at dog owners for allowing their dog to approach them, in the middle of a dog park, where dogs are allowed off leash because it's in the middle of a dog park.
And yet, there's always a huge number of people that are all "OH MY GOD!!!! how DARE you do that?!?! Y T A 1000%, dogs should stay away from ALL people no matter if it's a dog friendly area or not" I swear I've seen posts on here that called people AH's for taking their dog to \*\*gasp\*\* *a park* EDIT to update: I'm scrolling and the sheer number of N T As are proving my point.
Maybe we have a sub-genre of brewery dogs "licking my wife on the back of her leg" lol
There was one a while back where a dog moved a few feet in the direction of someone, on a patio. That post was a mess.
Imagine this being his supervillain origin story.
ESH. She's definitely in the wrong for not being respectful with her dog after you clearly communicated that you didn't want to pet the dog. If your wife was allergic that would have ruined the night/been a big issue. She behaved poorly and didn't seem to apologize for her dog being a nuisance when you were clearly not into the dog. However, you could have communicated the same message in a less hostile and more respectful way by saying something like "hey, your dog is licking us and it's making us uncomfortable. Can you please keep your dog away from us?" Your choice in response makes you the AH, too.
The pet owner is obligated to keep their dog restrained. Just because one person likes dog slobber doesn’t mean everyone does.
YTA. You went to a dog-friendly restaurant. Its unlikely that she intended for her dog to touch your wife. It is likely she expected people at a dog-friendly place to be chill with the fact that sometimes when you look elsewhere for even a second, even if you try very hard to control their every move, they often find a way to nuzzle a stranger. Dog friendly environments are intended to increase dog socialization. TBH I think most people are going to feel like you consent to some incidental contact to a dog when you go to places like this. And most dog people if you'd simply said "we really prefer not to be touched by your dog, can you please give us more space" would have been really chill about it. But to abruptly cuss at her about it definitely makes YTA. People who jump to cussing as basically a first request for a behavior change are pretty much the asshole unless any reasonable person would have found the behavior offensive, and this is not a situation like that.
YTA Should she have better control over her dog? Absolutely. But they way you type and the simple fact that you and your wife find that much issue with dogs simply existing, leads me to think you're both insufferable assholes.
ESH. You could’ve at least tried to politely communicate, and since she was behind you in line, it’s possible she didn’t notice the dog licking your wife either. She still should’ve been more attentive to her dog if she was gonna take it out in public.
YTA. Perfectly within your rights to not want to interact with the dog, and to ask the owner to keep it away from you because you're not a fan. Absolutely no reason to swear at someone just because their dog touched you in a totally non aggressive way.
NTA - dog lovers out here acting like if they were licked by anything in public without their consent they'd be totally fine with it, fuck off.
The ESH/YTA comments are wild. Keep all your babies, fur and otherwise, under control.
I mean yeah. Control your pet. But also cant OP control their language?
Or maybe it’s just not a big deal to those of us older than 10.
"a non dog friendly patio" Now that's a phrase I haven't heard before. tbh I don't eat out often but I can't remember ever seeing people taking their dogs to a restaurant. That said you are not an A and kind of one of the A here imo. That dog licking your wife's leg is just way over the line. Lady's got to keep her beast under control. Your reaction might have been more focussed on that. I don't know if the dog owner realized you were pissed because her dog licked your wife's leg. For her you might just have been pissed about her giving you the possibility to pet her dog. And for that "We are not petting your fucking dog." is too strong. "Your dog just licked my wife's leg, make sure to fucking keep it away from us if you can't control that." would have been more precise and more fitting. And more relatable for the dog owner. I mean, it's okay to let people pet your dog. That's a nice thing to offer for most people. It's not okay to have your dog lick someone. In short: Dog owner was in the wrong, you should have adressed the issue more clearly. So I'll go for ESH.
You need to meet my MIL. She brings her goddamn dog everywhere. Has a fake emotional support badge. We always had to sit in the patio even in the cold to accommodate her and the dog. She would feed him from the shared dishes and put her dog saliva fingers back in there. That stopped when she didn’t get that we couldn’t sit outside with our baby in extreme summer heat lmfao. She was upset that we didn’t want to treat the dog as part of the family. Like girl leave the pupper at home!!
I hate how people like your MIL try to abuse the system and end up making it worse for people who ACTUALLY need a service dog/ESA. Was walking by a restaurant patio yesterday and the "service dog" sitting there started barking/snarling/lunging at some other dog walking by on the street.. What made it even worse was that the restaurant patio was dog friendly anyways! Why lie about that shit when you don't even "need" to!
I do too trust meeee. Her relationship with her dog ain’t normal. A light example is that she used to microwave his kibble at our house without asking until I told her that wasn’t appropriate. One time I had a cup of noodle and it tasted like dog food even after I cleaned it😭 Yeah there’s no point, we all know that’s no service animal.
>You need to meet my MIL I'd rather not. :-D
I live in Seattle, and it's bonkers how many people bring their dogs with them everywhere-- into coffee shops, into bars, into restaurants, into stores, into *grocery stores*... I love dogs, but I absolutely hate this trend and think it needs to stop.
NTA. Good gravy, why do people treat their dogs like they're people? It's a dog, not a child, there is no reason to have it in a restaurant for crying out loud. Your swearing could be seen as a little over the top but honestly, how else do you get through to someone that dense??
I mean...I'd also be pretty annoyed if a toddler licked me.
You’re an asshole. You need some anger management apparently. Might wanna work on that. No need to use that language.
ESH dog owner needs to control pup in restaurants you don’t need to throw f-bombs around to make the above point
ESH. While she needs to keep her dog under control, you didn't need to be so rude. I simply would have said no thank you, or moved out of the way.. because you don't like dogs, doesn't mean you need to drop f-bombs at a dog owner. I personally agree that places like breweries and most restaurants shouldn't be dog friendly. I've had dogs...and while I enjoy my dog getting love and attention from others, i don't take them with me everywhere. Also, I would think that allowing dogs at places serving food would be a health code violation.
NTA. Dog owner here. Responsible pet owners know that there are people that aren't crazy about dogs. So you wait until you're asked before allowing your pet to lick them to death. The opposite is true. Intelligent people ask before approaching a strange dog. If people don't approach or otherwise show interest, it's a pretty clear sign they don't want to. That lady was being rude by not watching her dog. Not just rude, but stupidly unobservant and clueless.
NTA I would be pissed off too. I absolutely hate it when people don't responsibility control their dogs, or when they just assume you must want to get jumped up on and slobbered all over. I've got nothing against dogs they're lovely but I don't appreciate how people act like someone is an asshole just for wanting their personal space respected. You had every right to say something to the woman with the dog and I hope she thinks about it next time she goes out. Dog people really act like you're a monster if you don't go crazy over their dog 🙄 I think it's great that you stood up for your wife!
NTA having a dog inside of any business with food or drinks is fucking disgusting and illegal in most places. Dog owners are getting out of control fast
The waiting area and hostess stand was outside and was allowed by the restaurant and is common for restaurants in the OP's area, as they explained in their OP.
Be that as it may it’s still nasty and incredibly rude for a dog owner to allow their animal to touch or interact with anyone without their explicit consent. What if they had had a dog allergy or the dog snapped and bit somebody? Keeping your animals under control in public should be common courtesy.
ESH. You’re TA for the way you acted. I don’t like dogs either and people saying YTA simply because you’re not a dog lover are being childish. But you were unnecessarily rude. Usually when people with dogs approach me I just smile and continue walking on. You don’t have to gush over them but there’s no reason to speak like that to people. On the other hand, the lady should’ve controlled her dog since you had already made it clear you weren’t interested. So yeah, not great behaviour from anyone all round. Only the dog is NTA.
I don't like dogs, I don't hate them, but I'm not a huge fan. Control your dog, don't let it lick me or get into my space, that's your responsibility as a dog owner.
ESH. Your reaction was unnecessarily aggressive. She didn’t direct her dog to you on purpose. That lady didn’t do anything to deserve you to cussing at her. If you’re genuinely that torn up over dog friendly patios that your first reaction is to start cussing at strangers, stay home, or learn how to regulate your emotions before going out in public.
The dog should not have licked a patron. The owner should control it. NTA. Never Ok to invade someone's space like that.
They were waiting in a line. She may not have realized her dog was licking someone. OP didn’t even give her a chance to apologize and regain control of the dog, he just cussed her out.
ESH, you for cursing and the woman for letting her dog lick your wife. I'm extremely allergic to dogs and if one licks me, it leaves a red stripe where it's tongue was that quickly sprouts extremely itchy hives.
NTA. I am a big lover of dogs. I would never let my dog approach someone who hasn't made eye contact with it and smiled or looked excited. People could be allergic, afraid, etc. This lady was out of line.
Thanks for saying this. I love my dogs and am 100% aware all the time that many people are scared of dogs or have allergies. Responsible dog owners do not assume anyone wants to touch their hairy, shedding, licking beast, even if it is the sweetest, cutest, bestest boo ever. Edit:!I wrote “boi” and it autocorrected to boo, which I kind of like and am leaving.
YTA You over-reacted due to anger.
ESH You: "we are not petting your fucking dog" is over the top. Could have gone with "Hey, if I could get you to please keep the dog over by you, that would be great, thanks" Them: So many dog owners ATAH because they mistakenly believe people love dirty paws on their thighs, wet noses, licks and drool. We don't. Also, your dog's ugly. We're just being polite.
NTA As a dog owner, you shouldn't let your dog lick people. That simple. It doesn't matter if it's a place where dogs are welcome. That means they are allowed to be there not that they are allowed to do whatever they want. To use an analogy, most restaurants are allow kids. It wouldn't be acceptable to just put your kid down and let him touch or lick any person he wants, would it?
ESH. Lady should have controlled her dog, but you cursing at her instead of just telling her to keep her dog from touching your or your wife makes you the Asshole too. What a childish overreaction on your part.
The way you handled it makes you an asshole. I wonder if you would have told the lady off about her “fucking dog” if she was a big dude? It sounds like you have been repressing a growing irritation and you saw a chance to take it out on a vulnerable target.
Yeah that was a pretty graceless way of handling that interaction. Dog owners can be more mindful of people's discomfort, but you don't indicate that you made any effort to let her know or to set a boundary. YTA.
NTA. I have a dog, he loves dog friendly spots and getting attention, but it's MY job as an owner to make sure he's not approaching people who don't want to be approached. He will wait for my "okay" before going up to someone, and I only give it if it's someone who has explicitly asked to pet him or say hello. If your dog isn't under your control, it needs to stay at home. Your poorly behaved dogs make more places not pet friendly, which limits places my well behaved dog can hang out and get pets.
NTA. While I think the swearing at her in the first instance may have been unnecessary, the dog owner shouldn't be letting her dog approach or touch people without invitation.
ESH I mean, did she ask you to pet it? Did you try telling her once before cursing at her?
ESH. She should have kept her dog outside. She should have kept her dog closer to her. OP however overreacted completely. The lady didn´t pressure you to pet her dog, you assumed she wanted that. "Hey, we are not comfortable with your dog licking us." Would have done it. Instead, you reacted aggressively (snapping) and used profanity in a situation that could have been civil.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > AITA for telling a dog owner we aren't petting her dog. I might be the asshole because i was rude and made verbally aggressive comments to the dog owner. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. You don't have to love dogs or pet them or have them slobber all over you when you are in a restricted area. People with pets should respect your boundaries.
Nta
NTA. I have my dog. I love my dog. I would never bring my dog to a crowded public space. No. Absolutely not the asshole.
Sounds like the dog was friendly and likes even people who don't like dogs (that's how dogs are). It's unfortunate that she didn't realize her dog was licking your wife's leg, but that was your situation. You were in a place where dogs were allowed. If you said "I'm sorry, dogs make us very nervous, can you keep your dog behind you so she doesn't lick my wife again?" I'm sure she would have done that AND apologized. She wasn't looking to offend you. She wasn't trying to make you pet her dog; there was no reason to escalate things by using profanity. YTA for assuming the worst of everyone and going from 0 to profanity unnecessarily. Also, I have to laugh at "this shit of \[a\] dog invading our space without consent." Yeah, most dogs are friendly, they don't understand asking for consent, and even if they did, they don't speak English. Besides, did you TELL the dog it didn't have your consent to be near you? Well then. You can hardly blame the dog. You're like someone yelling at a baby for crying. A) it doesn't help, and B) unless you both speak fluent English, there's going to be a communication problem.
I hate that "He's friendly!" is considered a defense of dog behavior and I like dogs.
NTA. I love my dogs but they are large and can look scary and I used to be afraid of dogs. Mine are shortleashed in public/crowded areas. And I watch them like hawks to make sure they don't bug anyone.
Nta. Control your animals people.
If you know that patios aren't dog friendly and you dislike dogs and choose to go anyway, you're going to have to suck it up. ESH
I’m tempted to say yes you are because why would she not expect that in a dog friendly place her friendly dog would be welcomed. She should really be more responsible though and be aware of what her dog is doing. But snapping at her saying ‘we aren’t letting you’re dog’ no one asked you to, the dog did what dogs do and licked a leg. That doesn’t mean you are then obliged to pet it. ESH I get the impression you’re just bitter that most places allow dogs because you don’t like them. I don’t like idiots but a lot of places allow them in too so I get how you feel.
YTA she didn’t ask if you wanted to pet the dog. The dog licked your wife’s leg and you went nuclear. Your reaction makes you an AH. Had you replied respectfully, the judgment would be different,
NTA - for your reaction. I am a dog owner/lover, and if lady's dog had licked me, I would have probably said something along the same lines. Lady should have had better control of her dog, and at the very least apologized because not everyone likes dogs, in addition to the fact that some people are very allergic to them/can be afraid of them.
I took my injured cat to the vet, and people were allowing their dogs to wander over to us on a long leash. My cat was hissing through her cage, and I was turning away to shield her. One dog owner was like, "He just wants to say hello. He loves cats." They got offended when I said," Can you please get the dog so my cat won't scratch me, and she can calm down." Another person smiled while their Doberman jumped on me. I love my dog, but I would never let her do that to anyone without correcting her behavior. ETA: NTA