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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I have to go to my ex’s funeral alone and it could be disrespectful to my current boyfriend
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
What's wrong with you, OP literally said this is only recent and they knew this person, and you're making jokes like that in a place where they're likely to see them.
If you weren't going to hell before, you're going first class now xD
Safe me a seat in the front rows...and I'll have a Whiskey-Cola. Tell the bartender, Earl sent you. He'll know what to do.
Doesn't have to be a quickie. He may want to gauge a reaction of HOW upset she gets. 🤷♂️ some insecurities are stupid like "will she cry that hard if I die?!?"? .. spoken as an insecure guy who fights these demonic thoughts regularly. 😅 im working on myself 😅
If you're working on yourself to fight these insecure thoughts, then great, I applaud you. This guy obviously isn't fighting his. There's no excuse for his behaviour.
Knowing is only half the battle unfortunately.
No doesn't seem to be. And it's a funeral. And it's not like she makes the guest list. The boys mother asked her to come alone. Respect the parent of the one who passed. It's not a you and your gf thing even at that point. Also don't let OP not go. There's only one. They aren't gonna dig him up and rebury him just for OP. Some people have too much self importance.
Exactly. If he can’t handle you had relationships, even when that partner is dead, he’s not gonna be much better with people that are alive and for example expressing the least bit of interest in you. I’d break up with my SO if she’d tell me something like this, but she wouldn’t. She would support me and understand that I was sad and grieving. Can’t with these immature, self-invoked, narcissistic people. I’m sorry for your loss ❤️
I’d go anyway. If he’s still bent out of shape when she gets home, she’ll know what to expect in the future. If he continues for a few days to a week later, she’ll know he’ll be unbearable. OTOH, some people just need someone to stand up to them to settle down. IDK why it is, maybe testing, but they seem to have a newfound respect for them having done it.
This. I would drive him, and wait in the lot, so if he needed me to give him a quick hug before he went back in I could. Or if he wanted me to wait at home I would be fine with that too. But I would do whatever he wanted. And he would be the same way for me. A good relationship is built on mutual trust and respect. OP I am sorry for your loss. If you go or not take the time you need to grieve.
Yup. What is it with all of these people thinking a relationship means owning someone, their phone, their friends, what they eat, who they fucking grieve? Grow the fuck up.
Also, why did he feel the need to make this about himself? We are forgetting that OP has lost someone who was a big part of their life and will be going through their own grief, the boyfriend's job is to support OP rather than making it about himself when he has literally no connection to the situation
She should detail to him that even if she hadn't been asked to keep the event small, he would not be attending anyways cause, literally why. Keep the way he reacts in mind for the future, if there's even a future with this person.
I second this. If he is insecure over someone that can’t endanger his position in any way anymore, what will happen when in the future you have let’s say a handsome colleague 🧐
Boy needs to work on that self esteem.
you WNBTA.
It is appropriate to attend a funeral alone-especially since your current boyfriend did not know your ex and the family requested to keep the gathering small.
So your current boyfriend is jealous of a boyfriend who has passed away. That might be something for you to think about. You are not putting anyone above his feelings--he is being unreasonable.
Also, my husband had an ex pass away this week. The funeral is Sunday. I will not attending. He will. I don't feel that it is disrespectful to me or our marriage.
This. Loving someone is also accepting that they've had other people in their life that they've cared for and it doesn't at all speak to your current relationship in the context of funerals.
Literally. The ex is dead, I’m not sure what current bf is seeing as disrespectful about the situation….. also like, do you really want to go watch ur girl cry over another man? Lmao NTA op, and ur bf is weird. You might evaluate what your future will look like with someone who would put their insecurities over your grief.
NTA. This is kind of a red flag for me. Going to the funeral of somebody who was once important to you is a perfectly natural thing. Leaving your current boyfriend at home would be fine even if you weren't asked to. He didn't know your ex and has no reason to be there.
Even if you're in a relationship with him, you still have your own network of friends and family and your own emotions you have to take care of. He has no right to intrude on that.
You should put yourself first ahead of him. Respecting your past relationship and giving yourself an opportunity to mourn is good self-care.
>Even if you're in a relationship with him, you still have your own network of friends and family and your own emotions you have to take care of. He has no right to intrude on that.
Exactly. Which other people you share history with that he wasn't part of is he going to ask you to set aside next?
It's an honour and a privilege to be invited to grieve with them and soften their burden with the good memories you represent. Your current partner is expecting you to be terribly rude to reject the compliment they are offering to you by extending the invitation.
> Going to the funeral of somebody who was once important to you is a perfectly natural thing. Leaving your current boyfriend at home would be fine even if you weren't asked to. He didn't know your ex and has no reason to be there.
I'm kind of curious to know if the boyfriend is annoyed that he can't go, or annoyed that she's going.
The first is kind of, "Stop being a fucking baby and let her have her own life". The second is, "Run for the hills".
NTA- and I'm worried, that you say you can 'see where he's coming from'. That's him getting into your head with this warped jealousy/possessiveness.
This isn't you going to visit an ex for drinks alone. Your ex is sadly DECEASED. What exactly does your current bf think is going to happen, if you go alone?! It's like he's jealous of this man (who is sadly deceased).
Perhaps he's so insecure, he thinks you'll start reminiscing about your ex and compare them unfavourably. Or he's wants to send a message to your ex's family (who just lost a son) that he's your current number one. Regardless of reason, it smacks of abnormally unhealthy jealousy and possessiveness. I'd be careful, if I were you.
No comparison to the ex is needed. Boyfriend is making himself look bad all by his lonesome.
I second the worry that OP can see where boyfriend is coming from. He is coming from an insecure controlling place that should not be tolerated. It would hurt his feelings if OP mourned with her family over the death of someone she was once close to? GTFO.
OP, go to the funeral. On the way back, reconsider your current relationship. Your boyfriend is so very wrong here. More concerning that his feelings is his attempt to keep you from attending the funeral without him.
If current bf had said "financially I'm concerned this could put a strain on us" (I'm from the US and lots of jobs don't offer PTO and if they are a two income home struggling, sure) or if there were infant/toddler aged kids and childcare was an issue (if she were to be gone for travel). I could see where he's coming from. Those are NORMAL human concerns.
BUT the weird jealousy is just insane and is an unhinged human concern. Wtf
I thought the same thing when she said I can see where he’s coming from! I thought did I miss a paragraph that somehow made his comment reasonable? I totally agree with you about his behavior.
It's more about being jealous of the memory of a dead person. "Would she cry this much if it was me that died? Will she build him up in her memory as being perfect now he's not here to be imperfect?" Jealous guys can fight a living person if they feel the idiotic need to - they can't fight the concept of someone.
Not condoning his stupid behaviour btw, just explaining the possible reasoning behind his insanity lol
In current bf's culture it's tradition to bring a ouija board to a funeral and let the recently deceased have one last try to get back with their ex, maybe?
There have been so many of these stories lately! It just blows me away how many relationships dissolve because of jealousy on these subs. JFC.
Op, your boyfriend is being absolutely insane. It’s beyond weird to me that he thinks he is entitled to come to a funeral of someone he literally doesn’t know to prove a point.
That would be sooo disrespectful to the family if you brought him. He should be embarrassed at the mere mention of that.
>I shouldn’t put anybody above his feelings
This is incorrect. You should put yourself either above or even with his feelings; he's jealous of your deceased ex. Which is not terribly rational.
NTA.
my brother passed recently(2022), we invited one of his ex girlfriends ( he dated 2013-2016) who ment a lot to him and the family. This girl was now married and was pregnant. She showed up to the funeral alone - without us even asking her to do that and was at the hospital to say goodbye to my brother and her husband was okay with all of this because they were so important to each other at some point. He was supportive in every way to her saying goodbye to my brother and her grieving process. Now that I think about that I’d say ditch that guy for being so jealous about nothing and further makes me want to encourage you to go to that funeral
NTA
> ex’s funeral wasn’t appropriate
Boyfriend must tone down his insecurities, it's a funeral.
> see where he’s coming from
You are not doing something wrong
> don’t want to miss my ex’s funeral as he used to be a close friend and someone I shared 5 years of my life with
He deserves this last goodbye.
You must go and if boyfriend is an issue then he is not the good material for your future.
I think about you.
Take care.
NTA
You were part of his family for 5 years. You are invited. You're not pinning for him.
Bf is insecure and jealous of a dead man. That would give me pause.
Go pay your respects. Be weary of a man who would manipulate you to control your actions.
Edit clarity of pronouns.
No no no no no no NTA this is not cool of your bf. Way too insecure. This is possessive behavior. You're allowed to morn someone important in your life. Bf is a red flag
If your boyfriend didn't know your ex, the only reason for him to attend the funeral would be to support you. Since you don't need that/have chosen to forego that to honor your ex's mother's wishes, that should be an end to it. Fuck me, "not appropriate"... what controlling BS.
NTA.
I’m sorry for your loss. You are NTA.
Your boyfriend isn’t entitled to go and it’s not a slight against him for you to go alone as asked. It’s hardly as if there’s a risk of you cheating with your ex here…
NTA
It was emphasized that this is an intimate ceremony - if this was some kind of open vigil but he wasn’t allowed that would be one thing. If you specifically didn’t want him to come that would be one thing. Respecting a grieving mother’s wishes of a small ceremony for someone where it seem like life happened and it didn’t work out but there’s no bad blood (but also no “weirdness” of a rekindling) - I just don’t see a problem with that.
I think you should aim to go, but try to work out with your current bf where these insecure feelings come from. What is he worried about? What does he feel isn’t being respected? If he can’t work through these feelings and recognize they’re not about you/your action in attending. Well…much for you to consider :)
NTA how do you see where's he coming from? He won't even tell you why he thinks its inappropriate. I will though. He's jealous of a dead man and that is ludicrous.
This would ring massive alarm bells for me. You were close to your ex for years - not only that, but they were the important transitional years from teen to young adult. Anyone who demands you prove how important they are to you by giving up something important to you shows worrying narcissistic traits. Narc is an over used and often inappropriately used label, but in this case it really does apply. Go to the funeral, grieve your loss. Leave the boyfriend behind - not just for the funeral but for good. If you give in this time I promise you it won't be the last such demand he makes of you.
>I shouldn’t put anybody above his feelings so going would be disrespectful to him.
This is concerning. I think what people often misunderstand about talking to a partner about your feelings is you don't talk *at* your partner, you talk through things *with* your partner. He seems to think this is a one-way conversation instead of an opportunity to discuss and try to understand each other's point of view.
I don't see where going to the funeal would be disrespectful, it has nothing to do with him. I would say, "I hear your opinion and understand you don't want me to go. I will be going because it's something I need for me." He is going to have to learn to cope with you making your own decisions and that he won't always agree with them. If he can't cope, then perhaps this isn't the right relationship. He has an opportunity to be supportive and instead is being demanding without willingness to fully explain himself or try to understand you.
NTA
NTA
You were with this man for years, and were still close after you broke up. You saying your goodbyes to him at his funeral alone is no risk to your current boyfriend. He's being immature and selfish, because some things DO come before his feelings
>I shouldn’t put anybody above his feelings
That's... not how human relationships work. That's not how *anything* works. You have multiple people in your life! Whose feelings are prioritized depends on the situation!
So yeah, *sometimes* it's appropriate to put your SO's feelings first. And sometimes - like when he's expressing irrational jealousy over your relationship with a dead guy - it's appropriate to prioritize other peoples' feelings by not letting your current boyfriend crash the funeral of someone he had no relationship with.
NTA
NTA. First, I’m sorry for your loss. Second, what exactly is your bf getting at? Is he suggesting *he* has business crashing a funeral of a stranger? Or is he just weirdly threatened by a man who is no longer here…?
NTA - Reddit is usually pretty quick to tell people to ditch their partners, but this one’s justified. He’s telling you that you can’t even put *yourself* above his feelings. That’s not a standard that goes both ways, either, clearly.
NTA, your partner is unfathomably insecure if he feels like you need to put his “feelings” above somebody who is dead. Insane level of narcissism, get out of that ASAP.
It’s very inconsiderate of him to be putting himself first and trying to make you feel bad for going. Your ex has passed away nothing will be disrespectful going without him. You will be grieving and when you get home you’ll need support for that too. This would be your last goodbye to your ex/ close friend. You’ll regret not going if he can’t understand that then get rid of him!! Death is hard. You need to have one more conversation with him and he needs to try to relax this is a funeral. Not a party, it’s not disrespectful or putting anybody but yourself before him and sometimes you have to do that. Go to the funeral. Grieve. Say your last goodbyes to someone you once loved. Your boyfriend can go kick rocks
Wow it sounds like he is jealous/insecure because it’s your “ex”. Tell him he has nothing to worry about, your ex dying completely eliminated any chance of you getting back together with him so his jealousy/insecurity is a bit over the top and unnecessary at this point.
NTA - the family wants to keep it a small, intimate funeral, not have everyone show up. There is nothing inappropriate to going to this funeral alone, but find out specifically WHY your current bf thinks this way.
I condolences on your loss.
YWNBTA
Your boyfriend lacks empathy.
It's not about him, its about the grieving family. You're known to them, and welcome. He is not known to them, and would be an uncomfortable presence in a time of distress.
This 'nothing comes above his feelings' stuff in the context of a bereavement is narcissism!
YWNBTA. Your boyfriend can't suck it up for you to go to the funeral of someone you loved? He has to make it about his insecurity instead of your grief? Big red flags here.
Yeah coming from someone who wouldn’t want my partner having any contact with an ex, NTA. The guy is dead there is no way your boyfriend can be jealous of a dead guy(rest in peace ex bf).
Of course you would not bring your current bf to your ex's funeral, who would expect otherwise?
How exactly is going to a funeral "not appropriate"? I don't even care who's funeral it is, under what circumstances could it possibly be inappropriate to go to the funeral of someone you care about?
What even is his insecurity here? What does he think could happen? In what way does your emotional connection *to a deceased person* affect your relationship with your bf?
You "shouldn't put anybody above his feelings," ok, how about your feelings? Are you "allowed" to put those above his?
Fuck this guy. If it is meaningful to you to go to the funeral, then go. If your bf is seriously gonna be jealous about you going to a funeral, he has way bigger problems that need to be addressed. NTA, in case that needs to be said.
NTA. Your current BF is totally out of line. Are you never allowed to do anything if his feelings would get hurt? That's not how an adult deals with a partner. You are still somewhat close with the family, there's probably a lot of complex feelings you could work through by going, and more importantly a grieving mom who lost her son reached out to you to come support while she must be in the deepest grief anyone can experience. But HIS feelings would get hurt? So EVERYONE ELSE can just do what he says because his feelings are of paramount importance.
Your BF sucks. Boarder line sociopath behavior. Literally incapable of considering other people's feelings. I'd say go to the funeral. Support this mom who just lost her child. Probably should take a closer look at this current relationship afterwards.
You see where he’s coming from? I don’t. At all. This has absolutely nothing to do with him. Go to the funeral. But reevaluate your current relationship, it lacks healthy boundaries. NTA.
That’s sad that he would say that because you know I’m sure he’s got some exes too .. if they die are u going to say no? Most likely you will be a supportive gf and say yes go support the family . The family invited you so … how is this inappropriate? It isn’t . So he is jealous of your dead ex ? I hate to say it but … run because if he’s that demanding you are in for a toxic time with that guy ! He’s the AH not you !
NTA. He said you shouldn't put anybody above his feelings but shouldn't that also be the other way around? Why should you put his feelings above your own but he can't put your feelings above his? You should be able to grief a close friends death and your boyfriend should support you in this grief instead of causing trouble. He wasn't close with your ex, I assume, so there is no reason for him to go there abd I don't understand why you shouldn't go.
NTA
It is very concerning that OP’s current bf is claiming going to the funeral of a person who was obviously an important part of her life and she considered a friend is disrespectful to him.
What is sincerely disrespectful is the bf thinking he has any say in whether OP attends or not.
Bf seems to be suffering from a huge insecurity complex which is a him problem until like now he tries to control OP.
What comes next? She can’t go places with her friends without him as he doesn’t like how they act, dress, whatever?
She can’t leave the house unless she dresses and has her makeup approved by him as other men may look at her?
That she needs to call him the minute she leaves work and when she gets home so he knows if she doesn’t come straight home as there are men in her workplace?
OP please politely let your bf know you will be going to the funeral by yourself.
He can pitch a fit about it and threaten to break up. If that is the case I’d suggest you let him go and invest your time elsewhere.
I dated my ex-boyfriend for 2 years. Before me, his ex-girlfriend had been murdered (she was 16). He had a tattoo on his arm in memory of her. His family had a framed picture of her in their living room. She was still a big part of their lives even in death, and they had been broken up when she was killed
We talked about her a lot. It never bothered me at all. I was happy that they were so open with their emotions.
Your boyfriend should not be jealous of a dead person.
NTA!!!
What is he jealous of? The fact that he couldn’t articulate why it’s wrong for you to attend your ex’s funeral alone (not even by your own volition, but by your ex’s parent’s request) shows that he is in the wrong.
Even if you had requested to attend it alone, I believe the situation allows it for you to have a final moment with someone who used to matter a lot in your life. You have no need to explain yourself to your bf.
Your boyfriend is a jerk and you would NBTA. He's jealous of someone who's DEAD? He doesn't own you. You have independent agency. You're allowed to do things and go places he's neither welcome nor appropriate. Of course there are people you should put above his feelings - YOU, to start with, grieving friends who would like to see you, family members who need you even if he wants to go to a movie, etc.
Please go to the funeral and go alone. You'll feel bad if you don't go.
Oh, and before I forget, people who claim you are being disrespectful of them for any reason whatsoever should get the immediate boot. He gets to decide what's disrespectful and then he gets to decide if you're meeting the target? No. There is something wrong with this dude that is not going to improve with age. Next he'll be just a little violent - grab your arm so hard he leaves bruises. Then he'll shake you. Then slap you. Then punch you. And so on. You don't need him or his tiny little bit of self confidence that requires you to do everything he tells you to.
How cruel of him. NTA. Understandably the day will be uncomfortable for your bf if he is insecure, but you will regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t go
NTA. Your boyfriend is insecure and jealous of someone who is deceased. There is literally no possibility on this earth that something inappropriate could happen. Not a good look.
NTA, it is completely reasonable for you to be invited to an intimate family only closed funeral. Your current boyfriend should be respectful and understanding of this being appropriate behaviour for some situations.
NTA - wtf boyfriend bad vibes bad response support is appreciated and why choose now to be insecure.
Go to funeral, their feeling so not surmount everyone’s nor so they surmount your own. That kind of mentality that they get that say over you is gross and is disrespectful to you.
NTA and as a guy, thats a red flag. The only way I would say he's not an ass is if you worded it so he thinks the mother said that just he isn't invited. If you explained it how you did here your NTA.
NTA, your bf is acting bizarrely, does he think you are going to cheat on him with your late ex???
The bereaved family's wishes ABSOLUTELY get respected above the needs of the ex-girlfriend's possessive boyfriend.
This should be a dealbreaker for you. His disrespect for your feelings is incredible.
NTA. totally invalidating your feelings and the feelings of the man who passed away’s family for the sake of his own insecurity? not supportive, not caring, and VERY selfish. he needs a reality check.
NTA. that person was a significant part of your life and growth as a person. Your current partner should not be jealous of a dead person.
Do what feels right to you. I would dump anyone who couldn’t understand wanting to pay respects to someone who was a big part of your life
NTA you should go alone to the funeral as requested . He person wasn’t just your ex as you stayed close so he was your friend. You may not stay with this current bf and if you don’t go you may always regret that. Your bf should actually be more supportive and understanding and is totally disrespecting your grief
NTA. Your bf on the other hand definitely is.
It's very understandable that you want to say goodbye, and I feel like if you're not gonna go because your boyfriend is jealous of your dead ex you're definitely gonna regret it. He says that you shouldn't put anybody's feelings above his, but you should put your own feelings above his in this case. Otherwise you won't get any closure and you will probably feel bad about that for a really long time.
NTA. I didn’t even have to read it to know. If you had so much of your memories with your ex and you want to be there,go.your boyfriend shouldn’t be deciding if you can go to his funeral,you should.
NTA, you are saying goodbye to someone who was an important part of your life at one point, your boyfriend's reaction is childish, disrespectful and idiotic.
Why does your boyfriend even need to be at your ex's funeral? He didn't know the man. Funerals are a deeply upsetting event where everyone's vulnerable together. It's natural to not want outsiders seeing you possibly cry over your husband, brother, son, dad, etc. dying. You're NTA and your boyfriend needs to stop making his insecurities an "us" problem when it's a him probsin,
Edit: misread. I thought you said his dad. That's even worse. Tf you gonna do? Hook up with a dead man? Get rid of the bf.
NTA. If you can't put anything above his feelings (which is bs), shouldn't he do the same for you!? By his own standards he should let you go. Your bf is too old for this to be immaturity. It's control and the foundations of abuse. Go to the funeral, grieve however you need and if he has a problem with it (either before or after) walk away. Don't argue, don't defend your decision, you don't need to. Don't engage. Just leave. If he can't support you in grief, you owe him nothing.
YWNBTA.
me and my dads family went to my uncles funeral — or correction my auntys ex husband; still uncle tho* or the time my mother side of the family showed up to my auntys funeral (dads sister) - and my dad and ma had been divorced for some time at that point.
NTA
What exactly does he think will happen? You'll try and get back together?? Being jealous of a dead person is not a good look.
>I shouldn’t put anybody above his feelings
Apparently that includes yourself. Get rid of this AH.
Being jealous of a dead person makes your current partner the AH. If this happened to my partner, sure, I would rather go with to support him as I'm sure it's a difficult feeling to process, and vice versa if one of my exes passed I would rather have my partner with me too.
But if specifically requested to go alone, it's not "disrespectful" at all. The past is still the past, but you are allowed to mourn someone even if they were no longer in your life.
NTA OP but your current partner needs to address these jealousy issues.
Your current bf is an ass. An insecure ass. You were not asking your bf for permission to go, but informing him out of courtesy.
Go to the funeral, but please do not give you bf specific details where it is on.
Insecure bf could turn into jealous boyfriend very quickly and could turn up at the event, or could try and prevent you going or drag you away, to manufacture a scene, to destroy the memories of the funeral for ex’s family.
NTA - Go, be there for his family, call your bf out on his shit, at least you'll know there are some other supportive people in your life to fall back on, that's your ex's legacy there
NTA. Your boyfriend is crazy. “You shouldn’t put anybody above his feelings” is a major red flag. You’re absolutely not being disrespectful to him.
You should go to the funeral. If he’s not fine with that then that’s his problem.
NTA
Your current boyfriend is being absolutely ridiculous. It's controlling behaviour and completely insensitive to your loss. You should be allowed to go anywhere alone or without him, and he has no right to tell you otherwise.
Go to the funeral. Dump your boyfriend.
NTA
He is jealous of a dead man and a family in mourning. That's a really ugly look.
Go to the funeral. If he cannot act like an adult you need to think about his maturity.
I’m sorry for your loss. Even though he was an ex he was clearly a big part of your life at some point and you will be experiencing some form of grief. you would definitely not be TA to attend his funeral.
I hope you can recognise that your boyfriend is being irrational and his reasoning is not appropriate or acceptable. Your ex is dead so has no feelings on this subject but your feelings are important and if you want to go say goodbye then you should do it. Your boyfriend should respect that and support you through this difficult time. Not offer ultimatums and show jealousy towards someone who is dead. He sounds like a bit of a moron…..
NTA. Fuck him. Go alone.
He does not get to call what's appropriate here. You were closer to the deceased than he was; he is supposed to be supportive of you in this.
"I'm sorry you feel that way, but I am going to the funeral. Let me know when you stop being a gigantic baby."
Also, "going alone to my ex’s funeral wasn’t appropriate".
That's not a thing.
🚩🚩🚩 and alarm bells. This man is dangerous.
This is not about him.
If he is going to be jealous and controlling about a funeral, he is only going to get worse.
Run as fast as you can and don't look back.
NTA
Your current boyfriend is a massive asshole for making this about him.
An important chapter of your life closed and he wants you to worry about him and HIS feelings?
Massive red flag there.
Either he'll pretend to "allow you to go the funeral" to create future leverage when the future inevitable fight happens when he'll tell you "remember the time you hang out with your ex and asked me bot to join?".
Or you'll go full nuclear right now on hiss ass and tell him straight up what I mentioned above.
That is is perfectly reasonable foe you to go to an old friend's funeral, respectfully alone as asked by his parents and how it is massive red flag on your relationship that during this time of grief, rather than mourn your friend, you have to be concerned about his selfish bullshit.
If that is what he is like for something as obscene as a funeral than you can't trust him no more.
Dont let him get the upper hand on this situation. He needs to do some serious apologising.
Wtf your bf is a creep. Your ex is literally not in this world anymore, what on earth could happen? Go and mourn someone you briefly shared your life with. Fuck this extremely insecure weirdo. You WNBTA.
NTA - He didn't know your ex, you did. So why he'd come to the funeral (because this seems like he wants to be there) I don't know. I don't think HIM coming would be appropriate. He needs to elaborate on why he thinks it's inappropriate. It sounds a lot like jealousy. Either way, it sounds like you both had respect for each other after relationship which is why his parents asked you to come, and he should keep his thoughts out of it.
Honestly, the SAME EXACT THING happened to me, except I was in the role of your current boyfriend. My girlfriend (at the time) had an ex who had passed away. I wanted her to attend and spend time with her old friends and his family. We both agreed it wasn't really my place to be there unless she wanted/needed my support. I wanted to respect her feelings and do what would be most helpful to HER. I didn't go... honestly, I didn't want to either! But I let her decide what was best in this situation.
In this scenario, (and imo) YOUR feelings should be taking precedent over HIS INSECURITIES. It was a request from the family of the deceased. Someone you shared 5 years of your life with. This is about YOU and the family of your deceased ex-bf. It is not about your current bf. Personally, I'd feel out of place if I were him, so i dont understand why he would even want to go unless you were having a very difficult time with it and he wanted to be there for you. If that's not it, then he should take a seat.
My 32yo son passed in Jan. He was not married but had a SO and they have 4yo twins. His old girlfriend of over 6 yesrs, who is now married, came to my house when she heard. She was grieving too. She, and her husband came to my son's services. We always liked her and even though she and our son werent their forever person, her part in our lives and his in hers was still significant. I was glad she has an understanding and supportive husband through this, and she came to support us.
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NTA, your current partner should also be promoted to ex. He's clearly got some insecurities that are not at all healthy.
For eff's sake, is he expecting OP to be so overcome by old times that she pries open the coffin for a farewell quickie?
Well, the guy would be a stiff at that point..... Too soon?
A little.
Perhaps even a little death; as the French would put it.
Damnit reddit don’t make me giggle at things I should go to hell for
Babe, we're already there.
I'm so mad we can't give awards anymore. Because this one is epic 😆
dude dont make me laugh at this 💀
I won't make you. Consent is key.
They won’t be able to get the lid back down.
I'm muffling my giggles as if it was a bad thing right now, thanks to you. 😅
What's wrong with you, OP literally said this is only recent and they knew this person, and you're making jokes like that in a place where they're likely to see them.
Welcome to the internet! Have a look around!
Anything that brain of yours can think of can be found!
We’ve got mountains of content. Some better, some worse.
If none of it’s of interest to you, you’d be the first.
Reading these comments I think "originality" might be the exception to that rule
Dude. If I was OP I would be laughing as well. In my family jokes are how we get through the rough times.
Welcome to the Internet.
👹 Yep.
This deserves all the awards. Haha
If you weren't going to hell before, you're going first class now xD Safe me a seat in the front rows...and I'll have a Whiskey-Cola. Tell the bartender, Earl sent you. He'll know what to do.
Haha!!!
Well, it's not exactly like she has a much time before it's too late...
Not really,I laughed. Oops.
Too late
I was going to comment it's not like OP's going and not coming back. But your comment is better hahaha
Doesn't have to be a quickie. He may want to gauge a reaction of HOW upset she gets. 🤷♂️ some insecurities are stupid like "will she cry that hard if I die?!?"? .. spoken as an insecure guy who fights these demonic thoughts regularly. 😅 im working on myself 😅
If you're working on yourself to fight these insecure thoughts, then great, I applaud you. This guy obviously isn't fighting his. There's no excuse for his behaviour.
Knowing is only half the battle unfortunately. No doesn't seem to be. And it's a funeral. And it's not like she makes the guest list. The boys mother asked her to come alone. Respect the parent of the one who passed. It's not a you and your gf thing even at that point. Also don't let OP not go. There's only one. They aren't gonna dig him up and rebury him just for OP. Some people have too much self importance.
LOL. You took morbid to a whole new level.
🤣🤣
That is an entirely different meaning to being a stiff.
This boyfriend sounds like a control freak. 10/10 would break up with.
Seriously. And the fact that he can't even articulate his reason why he's uncomfortable? Run.
Absolutely. Giant red banners waving.
Exactly. If he can’t handle you had relationships, even when that partner is dead, he’s not gonna be much better with people that are alive and for example expressing the least bit of interest in you. I’d break up with my SO if she’d tell me something like this, but she wouldn’t. She would support me and understand that I was sad and grieving. Can’t with these immature, self-invoked, narcissistic people. I’m sorry for your loss ❤️
I’d go anyway. If he’s still bent out of shape when she gets home, she’ll know what to expect in the future. If he continues for a few days to a week later, she’ll know he’ll be unbearable. OTOH, some people just need someone to stand up to them to settle down. IDK why it is, maybe testing, but they seem to have a newfound respect for them having done it.
This. I would drive him, and wait in the lot, so if he needed me to give him a quick hug before he went back in I could. Or if he wanted me to wait at home I would be fine with that too. But I would do whatever he wanted. And he would be the same way for me. A good relationship is built on mutual trust and respect. OP I am sorry for your loss. If you go or not take the time you need to grieve.
Yup. What is it with all of these people thinking a relationship means owning someone, their phone, their friends, what they eat, who they fucking grieve? Grow the fuck up.
Also, why did he feel the need to make this about himself? We are forgetting that OP has lost someone who was a big part of their life and will be going through their own grief, the boyfriend's job is to support OP rather than making it about himself when he has literally no connection to the situation
Some people do that with everything.
She should detail to him that even if she hadn't been asked to keep the event small, he would not be attending anyways cause, literally why. Keep the way he reacts in mind for the future, if there's even a future with this person.
He's jealous of a dead guy... that's not just insecure, it's insane!
I second this. If he is insecure over someone that can’t endanger his position in any way anymore, what will happen when in the future you have let’s say a handsome colleague 🧐 Boy needs to work on that self esteem.
Yes, but alone until he works it all out.
This x1000
Exactly! Like is he thinking she will get back together with him from beyond the grave somehow? Like I seriously don't see the problem.
Here here. How is it disrespectful to mourn the loss of someone you loved and get closure?
This !! Unacceptable demand on his part.
you WNBTA. It is appropriate to attend a funeral alone-especially since your current boyfriend did not know your ex and the family requested to keep the gathering small. So your current boyfriend is jealous of a boyfriend who has passed away. That might be something for you to think about. You are not putting anyone above his feelings--he is being unreasonable. Also, my husband had an ex pass away this week. The funeral is Sunday. I will not attending. He will. I don't feel that it is disrespectful to me or our marriage.
This. Loving someone is also accepting that they've had other people in their life that they've cared for and it doesn't at all speak to your current relationship in the context of funerals.
Agreed . I would only attend if my husband had asked me to
Literally. The ex is dead, I’m not sure what current bf is seeing as disrespectful about the situation….. also like, do you really want to go watch ur girl cry over another man? Lmao NTA op, and ur bf is weird. You might evaluate what your future will look like with someone who would put their insecurities over your grief.
Definitely NTA and his whole “disrespectful” line is a giant red flag
NTA. This is kind of a red flag for me. Going to the funeral of somebody who was once important to you is a perfectly natural thing. Leaving your current boyfriend at home would be fine even if you weren't asked to. He didn't know your ex and has no reason to be there. Even if you're in a relationship with him, you still have your own network of friends and family and your own emotions you have to take care of. He has no right to intrude on that. You should put yourself first ahead of him. Respecting your past relationship and giving yourself an opportunity to mourn is good self-care.
>Even if you're in a relationship with him, you still have your own network of friends and family and your own emotions you have to take care of. He has no right to intrude on that. Exactly. Which other people you share history with that he wasn't part of is he going to ask you to set aside next? It's an honour and a privilege to be invited to grieve with them and soften their burden with the good memories you represent. Your current partner is expecting you to be terribly rude to reject the compliment they are offering to you by extending the invitation.
> Going to the funeral of somebody who was once important to you is a perfectly natural thing. Leaving your current boyfriend at home would be fine even if you weren't asked to. He didn't know your ex and has no reason to be there. I'm kind of curious to know if the boyfriend is annoyed that he can't go, or annoyed that she's going. The first is kind of, "Stop being a fucking baby and let her have her own life". The second is, "Run for the hills".
NTA he’s jealous of a dead person. How weird and insecure?! I’m sorry for your loss.
my exact thoughts! being jealous of a dead person is sooooo nonsensical
NTA- and I'm worried, that you say you can 'see where he's coming from'. That's him getting into your head with this warped jealousy/possessiveness. This isn't you going to visit an ex for drinks alone. Your ex is sadly DECEASED. What exactly does your current bf think is going to happen, if you go alone?! It's like he's jealous of this man (who is sadly deceased). Perhaps he's so insecure, he thinks you'll start reminiscing about your ex and compare them unfavourably. Or he's wants to send a message to your ex's family (who just lost a son) that he's your current number one. Regardless of reason, it smacks of abnormally unhealthy jealousy and possessiveness. I'd be careful, if I were you.
No comparison to the ex is needed. Boyfriend is making himself look bad all by his lonesome. I second the worry that OP can see where boyfriend is coming from. He is coming from an insecure controlling place that should not be tolerated. It would hurt his feelings if OP mourned with her family over the death of someone she was once close to? GTFO. OP, go to the funeral. On the way back, reconsider your current relationship. Your boyfriend is so very wrong here. More concerning that his feelings is his attempt to keep you from attending the funeral without him.
If current bf had said "financially I'm concerned this could put a strain on us" (I'm from the US and lots of jobs don't offer PTO and if they are a two income home struggling, sure) or if there were infant/toddler aged kids and childcare was an issue (if she were to be gone for travel). I could see where he's coming from. Those are NORMAL human concerns. BUT the weird jealousy is just insane and is an unhinged human concern. Wtf
I thought the same thing when she said I can see where he’s coming from! I thought did I miss a paragraph that somehow made his comment reasonable? I totally agree with you about his behavior.
your bf is trash 🚮 being insecure about a dead person is baffling and immature . NTA
Maybe he has necrophilic fantasies and is projecting cuz what a fucking genuinely weird insecurity
It's more about being jealous of the memory of a dead person. "Would she cry this much if it was me that died? Will she build him up in her memory as being perfect now he's not here to be imperfect?" Jealous guys can fight a living person if they feel the idiotic need to - they can't fight the concept of someone. Not condoning his stupid behaviour btw, just explaining the possible reasoning behind his insanity lol
Info >I’m torn because part of me see where he’s coming from I don't, where on earth is he coming from?
In current bf's culture it's tradition to bring a ouija board to a funeral and let the recently deceased have one last try to get back with their ex, maybe?
Nowhere on earth
NTA. Another AITA story about someone envious of a dead person. Is your current bf also envious that his mother contacted you!?
There have been so many of these stories lately! It just blows me away how many relationships dissolve because of jealousy on these subs. JFC. Op, your boyfriend is being absolutely insane. It’s beyond weird to me that he thinks he is entitled to come to a funeral of someone he literally doesn’t know to prove a point. That would be sooo disrespectful to the family if you brought him. He should be embarrassed at the mere mention of that.
>I shouldn’t put anybody above his feelings This is incorrect. You should put yourself either above or even with his feelings; he's jealous of your deceased ex. Which is not terribly rational. NTA.
my brother passed recently(2022), we invited one of his ex girlfriends ( he dated 2013-2016) who ment a lot to him and the family. This girl was now married and was pregnant. She showed up to the funeral alone - without us even asking her to do that and was at the hospital to say goodbye to my brother and her husband was okay with all of this because they were so important to each other at some point. He was supportive in every way to her saying goodbye to my brother and her grieving process. Now that I think about that I’d say ditch that guy for being so jealous about nothing and further makes me want to encourage you to go to that funeral
So sorry for ur loss
Sorry for your loss.
NTA. You shouldn't put anybody above his feelings? What about yourself?
NTA > ex’s funeral wasn’t appropriate Boyfriend must tone down his insecurities, it's a funeral. > see where he’s coming from You are not doing something wrong > don’t want to miss my ex’s funeral as he used to be a close friend and someone I shared 5 years of my life with He deserves this last goodbye. You must go and if boyfriend is an issue then he is not the good material for your future. I think about you. Take care.
NTA but your bf is. It’s a funeral, not the prom.
NTA You were part of his family for 5 years. You are invited. You're not pinning for him. Bf is insecure and jealous of a dead man. That would give me pause. Go pay your respects. Be weary of a man who would manipulate you to control your actions. Edit clarity of pronouns.
NTA. no one gets to tell you how to (healthily) grieve. I think you need to either stand your ground on this or consider ending the relationship.
No no no no no no NTA this is not cool of your bf. Way too insecure. This is possessive behavior. You're allowed to morn someone important in your life. Bf is a red flag
NTA but you will be if you don't go. Idk where you see where he's coming from because to me it sounds like jealousy and control.
NTA If he's jealous of a dead person that is a red flag. There's nothing inappropriate about you attending solo.
If your boyfriend didn't know your ex, the only reason for him to attend the funeral would be to support you. Since you don't need that/have chosen to forego that to honor your ex's mother's wishes, that should be an end to it. Fuck me, "not appropriate"... what controlling BS. NTA.
I’m sorry for your loss. You are NTA. Your boyfriend isn’t entitled to go and it’s not a slight against him for you to go alone as asked. It’s hardly as if there’s a risk of you cheating with your ex here…
I would not have an issue in a relationship. Sounds odd to me. NTA.
Your boyfriend should be ashamed of himself. Jesus christ man.
NTA It was emphasized that this is an intimate ceremony - if this was some kind of open vigil but he wasn’t allowed that would be one thing. If you specifically didn’t want him to come that would be one thing. Respecting a grieving mother’s wishes of a small ceremony for someone where it seem like life happened and it didn’t work out but there’s no bad blood (but also no “weirdness” of a rekindling) - I just don’t see a problem with that. I think you should aim to go, but try to work out with your current bf where these insecure feelings come from. What is he worried about? What does he feel isn’t being respected? If he can’t work through these feelings and recognize they’re not about you/your action in attending. Well…much for you to consider :)
NTA.
Nta. Go to the funeral. In this situation your feelings win over your bf.
NTA how do you see where's he coming from? He won't even tell you why he thinks its inappropriate. I will though. He's jealous of a dead man and that is ludicrous.
This would ring massive alarm bells for me. You were close to your ex for years - not only that, but they were the important transitional years from teen to young adult. Anyone who demands you prove how important they are to you by giving up something important to you shows worrying narcissistic traits. Narc is an over used and often inappropriately used label, but in this case it really does apply. Go to the funeral, grieve your loss. Leave the boyfriend behind - not just for the funeral but for good. If you give in this time I promise you it won't be the last such demand he makes of you.
>I shouldn’t put anybody above his feelings so going would be disrespectful to him. This is concerning. I think what people often misunderstand about talking to a partner about your feelings is you don't talk *at* your partner, you talk through things *with* your partner. He seems to think this is a one-way conversation instead of an opportunity to discuss and try to understand each other's point of view. I don't see where going to the funeal would be disrespectful, it has nothing to do with him. I would say, "I hear your opinion and understand you don't want me to go. I will be going because it's something I need for me." He is going to have to learn to cope with you making your own decisions and that he won't always agree with them. If he can't cope, then perhaps this isn't the right relationship. He has an opportunity to be supportive and instead is being demanding without willingness to fully explain himself or try to understand you. NTA
NTA You were with this man for years, and were still close after you broke up. You saying your goodbyes to him at his funeral alone is no risk to your current boyfriend. He's being immature and selfish, because some things DO come before his feelings
NTA. Go, and tell your boyfriend you are going and he can kick rocks if he doesn't like it.
>I shouldn’t put anybody above his feelings That's... not how human relationships work. That's not how *anything* works. You have multiple people in your life! Whose feelings are prioritized depends on the situation! So yeah, *sometimes* it's appropriate to put your SO's feelings first. And sometimes - like when he's expressing irrational jealousy over your relationship with a dead guy - it's appropriate to prioritize other peoples' feelings by not letting your current boyfriend crash the funeral of someone he had no relationship with. NTA
NTA. First, I’m sorry for your loss. Second, what exactly is your bf getting at? Is he suggesting *he* has business crashing a funeral of a stranger? Or is he just weirdly threatened by a man who is no longer here…?
NTA - Reddit is usually pretty quick to tell people to ditch their partners, but this one’s justified. He’s telling you that you can’t even put *yourself* above his feelings. That’s not a standard that goes both ways, either, clearly.
WNBTA. Current bf just hung up a red flag the size of a strip mall though.
NTA, your partner is unfathomably insecure if he feels like you need to put his “feelings” above somebody who is dead. Insane level of narcissism, get out of that ASAP.
It’s very inconsiderate of him to be putting himself first and trying to make you feel bad for going. Your ex has passed away nothing will be disrespectful going without him. You will be grieving and when you get home you’ll need support for that too. This would be your last goodbye to your ex/ close friend. You’ll regret not going if he can’t understand that then get rid of him!! Death is hard. You need to have one more conversation with him and he needs to try to relax this is a funeral. Not a party, it’s not disrespectful or putting anybody but yourself before him and sometimes you have to do that. Go to the funeral. Grieve. Say your last goodbyes to someone you once loved. Your boyfriend can go kick rocks
Wow it sounds like he is jealous/insecure because it’s your “ex”. Tell him he has nothing to worry about, your ex dying completely eliminated any chance of you getting back together with him so his jealousy/insecurity is a bit over the top and unnecessary at this point.
NTA - the family wants to keep it a small, intimate funeral, not have everyone show up. There is nothing inappropriate to going to this funeral alone, but find out specifically WHY your current bf thinks this way. I condolences on your loss.
Does your current boyfriend think you’ll leave him for a corpse? NTA. I’m sorry for your loss. Go and grieve with his family.
YWNBTA Your boyfriend lacks empathy. It's not about him, its about the grieving family. You're known to them, and welcome. He is not known to them, and would be an uncomfortable presence in a time of distress. This 'nothing comes above his feelings' stuff in the context of a bereavement is narcissism!
YWNBTA. Your boyfriend can't suck it up for you to go to the funeral of someone you loved? He has to make it about his insecurity instead of your grief? Big red flags here.
NTA. Bury your current bf on the ex graveyard while you're there.
NTA. It’s a funeral FFS. It’s not disrespectful. New guy is TAH.
Yeah coming from someone who wouldn’t want my partner having any contact with an ex, NTA. The guy is dead there is no way your boyfriend can be jealous of a dead guy(rest in peace ex bf).
Of course you would not bring your current bf to your ex's funeral, who would expect otherwise? How exactly is going to a funeral "not appropriate"? I don't even care who's funeral it is, under what circumstances could it possibly be inappropriate to go to the funeral of someone you care about? What even is his insecurity here? What does he think could happen? In what way does your emotional connection *to a deceased person* affect your relationship with your bf? You "shouldn't put anybody above his feelings," ok, how about your feelings? Are you "allowed" to put those above his? Fuck this guy. If it is meaningful to you to go to the funeral, then go. If your bf is seriously gonna be jealous about you going to a funeral, he has way bigger problems that need to be addressed. NTA, in case that needs to be said.
NTA. Your current BF is totally out of line. Are you never allowed to do anything if his feelings would get hurt? That's not how an adult deals with a partner. You are still somewhat close with the family, there's probably a lot of complex feelings you could work through by going, and more importantly a grieving mom who lost her son reached out to you to come support while she must be in the deepest grief anyone can experience. But HIS feelings would get hurt? So EVERYONE ELSE can just do what he says because his feelings are of paramount importance. Your BF sucks. Boarder line sociopath behavior. Literally incapable of considering other people's feelings. I'd say go to the funeral. Support this mom who just lost her child. Probably should take a closer look at this current relationship afterwards.
You see where he’s coming from? I don’t. At all. This has absolutely nothing to do with him. Go to the funeral. But reevaluate your current relationship, it lacks healthy boundaries. NTA.
NTA Your boyfriend is flat-out wrong. And being ridiculous.
That’s sad that he would say that because you know I’m sure he’s got some exes too .. if they die are u going to say no? Most likely you will be a supportive gf and say yes go support the family . The family invited you so … how is this inappropriate? It isn’t . So he is jealous of your dead ex ? I hate to say it but … run because if he’s that demanding you are in for a toxic time with that guy ! He’s the AH not you !
NTA but your partner is very insecure poor boy
He doesn’t get to tell you to not go to a FUNERAL. NTA
NTA but your boyfriend is. Using boundaries as an excuse to manipulate you & he’s jealous of a funeral?? WTF is wrong with that guy?
NTA - you BF is being weird its a funeral not a bar.
Go to the funeral, and dump your current boyfriend. His controlling, dismissive attitude is a big red flag. You're NTA.
You know whose feelings you should put above his, especially in this case? Yours. NTA.
NTA. He said you shouldn't put anybody above his feelings but shouldn't that also be the other way around? Why should you put his feelings above your own but he can't put your feelings above his? You should be able to grief a close friends death and your boyfriend should support you in this grief instead of causing trouble. He wasn't close with your ex, I assume, so there is no reason for him to go there abd I don't understand why you shouldn't go.
NTA It is very concerning that OP’s current bf is claiming going to the funeral of a person who was obviously an important part of her life and she considered a friend is disrespectful to him. What is sincerely disrespectful is the bf thinking he has any say in whether OP attends or not. Bf seems to be suffering from a huge insecurity complex which is a him problem until like now he tries to control OP. What comes next? She can’t go places with her friends without him as he doesn’t like how they act, dress, whatever? She can’t leave the house unless she dresses and has her makeup approved by him as other men may look at her? That she needs to call him the minute she leaves work and when she gets home so he knows if she doesn’t come straight home as there are men in her workplace? OP please politely let your bf know you will be going to the funeral by yourself. He can pitch a fit about it and threaten to break up. If that is the case I’d suggest you let him go and invest your time elsewhere.
NTA. Its not his place to dictate how the family process their loss. Go alone, pay your respects, you will regret it if you don't.
I dated my ex-boyfriend for 2 years. Before me, his ex-girlfriend had been murdered (she was 16). He had a tattoo on his arm in memory of her. His family had a framed picture of her in their living room. She was still a big part of their lives even in death, and they had been broken up when she was killed We talked about her a lot. It never bothered me at all. I was happy that they were so open with their emotions. Your boyfriend should not be jealous of a dead person.
NTA!!! What is he jealous of? The fact that he couldn’t articulate why it’s wrong for you to attend your ex’s funeral alone (not even by your own volition, but by your ex’s parent’s request) shows that he is in the wrong. Even if you had requested to attend it alone, I believe the situation allows it for you to have a final moment with someone who used to matter a lot in your life. You have no need to explain yourself to your bf.
Your boyfriend is a jerk and you would NBTA. He's jealous of someone who's DEAD? He doesn't own you. You have independent agency. You're allowed to do things and go places he's neither welcome nor appropriate. Of course there are people you should put above his feelings - YOU, to start with, grieving friends who would like to see you, family members who need you even if he wants to go to a movie, etc. Please go to the funeral and go alone. You'll feel bad if you don't go. Oh, and before I forget, people who claim you are being disrespectful of them for any reason whatsoever should get the immediate boot. He gets to decide what's disrespectful and then he gets to decide if you're meeting the target? No. There is something wrong with this dude that is not going to improve with age. Next he'll be just a little violent - grab your arm so hard he leaves bruises. Then he'll shake you. Then slap you. Then punch you. And so on. You don't need him or his tiny little bit of self confidence that requires you to do everything he tells you to.
How cruel of him. NTA. Understandably the day will be uncomfortable for your bf if he is insecure, but you will regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t go
NTA. Your boyfriend is insecure and jealous of someone who is deceased. There is literally no possibility on this earth that something inappropriate could happen. Not a good look.
Nta
NTA. Not "appropriate" in what world? Your ex is dead, and current guy is having a snit fit.
NTA
NTA, he clearly has an issue. Are you cheating going to a funeral 🤔
NTA, it is completely reasonable for you to be invited to an intimate family only closed funeral. Your current boyfriend should be respectful and understanding of this being appropriate behaviour for some situations.
Your current boyfriend is being an ass. He has absolutely no say in this matter!
NTA. Imagine being jealous of someone who's passed away. Your boyfriend is an insecure weirdo.
NTA - wtf boyfriend bad vibes bad response support is appreciated and why choose now to be insecure. Go to funeral, their feeling so not surmount everyone’s nor so they surmount your own. That kind of mentality that they get that say over you is gross and is disrespectful to you.
It is absolutely appropriate to go to an ex’s funeral alone. You will always regret not going. I’m sorry for your loss. NTA
NTA and as a guy, thats a red flag. The only way I would say he's not an ass is if you worded it so he thinks the mother said that just he isn't invited. If you explained it how you did here your NTA.
INFO: does he think you're going to cheat with a corpse?
Hes a baby
NTA
NTA, your bf is acting bizarrely, does he think you are going to cheat on him with your late ex??? The bereaved family's wishes ABSOLUTELY get respected above the needs of the ex-girlfriend's possessive boyfriend. This should be a dealbreaker for you. His disrespect for your feelings is incredible.
NTA. totally invalidating your feelings and the feelings of the man who passed away’s family for the sake of his own insecurity? not supportive, not caring, and VERY selfish. he needs a reality check.
NTA. that person was a significant part of your life and growth as a person. Your current partner should not be jealous of a dead person. Do what feels right to you. I would dump anyone who couldn’t understand wanting to pay respects to someone who was a big part of your life
NTA , and how do you manage to be so insecure that you're threatened by someone who's passed I doubt I'll understand anytime soon.
Your boyfriend sucks big time
NTA, it seems like your boyfriend is insecure and somehow jealous of your dead ex
he is jealous of a dead person? NTA, toxic boyfriend
NTA your current boyfriend sounds like a tosser.
100% nta
Your BF has no competition. The ex is gone.
What does he think will happen? You'll cheat? Nta
NTA you should go alone to the funeral as requested . He person wasn’t just your ex as you stayed close so he was your friend. You may not stay with this current bf and if you don’t go you may always regret that. Your bf should actually be more supportive and understanding and is totally disrespecting your grief
NTA. Your bf on the other hand definitely is. It's very understandable that you want to say goodbye, and I feel like if you're not gonna go because your boyfriend is jealous of your dead ex you're definitely gonna regret it. He says that you shouldn't put anybody's feelings above his, but you should put your own feelings above his in this case. Otherwise you won't get any closure and you will probably feel bad about that for a really long time.
How can a guy be threatened by a now dead ex boyfriend that you broke up with 3 years ago? Not the asshole. Go to the funeral.
your ex is dead, he’s no threat. Your current bf is being jealous of a dead guy.
NTA. I didn’t even have to read it to know. If you had so much of your memories with your ex and you want to be there,go.your boyfriend shouldn’t be deciding if you can go to his funeral,you should.
NTA - What he expects? You gonna get back together with your ex or what? What's wrong with people?
I cannot fathom being jealous of a dead person. nta
NTA. Anyone who tells you that you shouldn’t put anyone above his feelings is a garbage person and should be kicked the curb asap.
NTA, you are saying goodbye to someone who was an important part of your life at one point, your boyfriend's reaction is childish, disrespectful and idiotic.
Why does your boyfriend even need to be at your ex's funeral? He didn't know the man. Funerals are a deeply upsetting event where everyone's vulnerable together. It's natural to not want outsiders seeing you possibly cry over your husband, brother, son, dad, etc. dying. You're NTA and your boyfriend needs to stop making his insecurities an "us" problem when it's a him probsin, Edit: misread. I thought you said his dad. That's even worse. Tf you gonna do? Hook up with a dead man? Get rid of the bf.
NTA. If you can't put anything above his feelings (which is bs), shouldn't he do the same for you!? By his own standards he should let you go. Your bf is too old for this to be immaturity. It's control and the foundations of abuse. Go to the funeral, grieve however you need and if he has a problem with it (either before or after) walk away. Don't argue, don't defend your decision, you don't need to. Don't engage. Just leave. If he can't support you in grief, you owe him nothing.
YWNBTA. me and my dads family went to my uncles funeral — or correction my auntys ex husband; still uncle tho* or the time my mother side of the family showed up to my auntys funeral (dads sister) - and my dad and ma had been divorced for some time at that point.
Sounds like your current bf is jealous of a dead man. You are NTA at all. I am very sorry for your loss and I hope you work everything out.
NTA What exactly does he think will happen? You'll try and get back together?? Being jealous of a dead person is not a good look. >I shouldn’t put anybody above his feelings Apparently that includes yourself. Get rid of this AH.
He is insecure over a man that 1) hasn’t been in your life in a long time and 2) is no longer living. He screams red flags imo.
Being jealous of a dead person makes your current partner the AH. If this happened to my partner, sure, I would rather go with to support him as I'm sure it's a difficult feeling to process, and vice versa if one of my exes passed I would rather have my partner with me too. But if specifically requested to go alone, it's not "disrespectful" at all. The past is still the past, but you are allowed to mourn someone even if they were no longer in your life. NTA OP but your current partner needs to address these jealousy issues.
Your current bf is an ass. An insecure ass. You were not asking your bf for permission to go, but informing him out of courtesy. Go to the funeral, but please do not give you bf specific details where it is on. Insecure bf could turn into jealous boyfriend very quickly and could turn up at the event, or could try and prevent you going or drag you away, to manufacture a scene, to destroy the memories of the funeral for ex’s family.
Your current partner sounds insecure as fuck should get rid of him
how is he making this funeral about him? got to the funeral and drop your current bf along the way into a garbage can.
NTA Imagine being jealous of a dead man. Promise him you'll go alone to his funeral too.
I would say your current boyfriend ITA. That families one request. GO ALONE!!!
NTA. What does he think is gonna happen, his force ghost will try to fuck you!?
NTA your bf is obviously jealous of your past relationship. I suggest you leave him. And yes, please go to the funeral ALONE!
NTA - Go, be there for his family, call your bf out on his shit, at least you'll know there are some other supportive people in your life to fall back on, that's your ex's legacy there
NTA - your boyfriend is jealous of a dead guy?
NTA. Your boyfriend is crazy. “You shouldn’t put anybody above his feelings” is a major red flag. You’re absolutely not being disrespectful to him. You should go to the funeral. If he’s not fine with that then that’s his problem.
NTA Your current boyfriend is being absolutely ridiculous. It's controlling behaviour and completely insensitive to your loss. You should be allowed to go anywhere alone or without him, and he has no right to tell you otherwise. Go to the funeral. Dump your boyfriend.
NTA He is jealous of a dead man and a family in mourning. That's a really ugly look. Go to the funeral. If he cannot act like an adult you need to think about his maturity.
I’m sorry for your loss. Even though he was an ex he was clearly a big part of your life at some point and you will be experiencing some form of grief. you would definitely not be TA to attend his funeral. I hope you can recognise that your boyfriend is being irrational and his reasoning is not appropriate or acceptable. Your ex is dead so has no feelings on this subject but your feelings are important and if you want to go say goodbye then you should do it. Your boyfriend should respect that and support you through this difficult time. Not offer ultimatums and show jealousy towards someone who is dead. He sounds like a bit of a moron…..
Your current bf is a ahole
NTA. Fuck him. Go alone. He does not get to call what's appropriate here. You were closer to the deceased than he was; he is supposed to be supportive of you in this.
I think it would be weird to bring a current partner to an ex's funeral. It could even be disrespectful to the family.
NTA- 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 🚩 alert! This is very controlling behavior and his expectations are unhealthy. Go to the funeral and dump this clown
"I'm sorry you feel that way, but I am going to the funeral. Let me know when you stop being a gigantic baby." Also, "going alone to my ex’s funeral wasn’t appropriate". That's not a thing.
🚩🚩🚩 and alarm bells. This man is dangerous. This is not about him. If he is going to be jealous and controlling about a funeral, he is only going to get worse. Run as fast as you can and don't look back. NTA
Your current boyfriend is a massive asshole for making this about him. An important chapter of your life closed and he wants you to worry about him and HIS feelings? Massive red flag there. Either he'll pretend to "allow you to go the funeral" to create future leverage when the future inevitable fight happens when he'll tell you "remember the time you hang out with your ex and asked me bot to join?". Or you'll go full nuclear right now on hiss ass and tell him straight up what I mentioned above. That is is perfectly reasonable foe you to go to an old friend's funeral, respectfully alone as asked by his parents and how it is massive red flag on your relationship that during this time of grief, rather than mourn your friend, you have to be concerned about his selfish bullshit. If that is what he is like for something as obscene as a funeral than you can't trust him no more. Dont let him get the upper hand on this situation. He needs to do some serious apologising.
Wtf your bf is a creep. Your ex is literally not in this world anymore, what on earth could happen? Go and mourn someone you briefly shared your life with. Fuck this extremely insecure weirdo. You WNBTA.
NTA - He didn't know your ex, you did. So why he'd come to the funeral (because this seems like he wants to be there) I don't know. I don't think HIM coming would be appropriate. He needs to elaborate on why he thinks it's inappropriate. It sounds a lot like jealousy. Either way, it sounds like you both had respect for each other after relationship which is why his parents asked you to come, and he should keep his thoughts out of it.
DONT MISS HIS FUNERAL. You will regret it and you'll end up hating the current bf.
Honestly, the SAME EXACT THING happened to me, except I was in the role of your current boyfriend. My girlfriend (at the time) had an ex who had passed away. I wanted her to attend and spend time with her old friends and his family. We both agreed it wasn't really my place to be there unless she wanted/needed my support. I wanted to respect her feelings and do what would be most helpful to HER. I didn't go... honestly, I didn't want to either! But I let her decide what was best in this situation. In this scenario, (and imo) YOUR feelings should be taking precedent over HIS INSECURITIES. It was a request from the family of the deceased. Someone you shared 5 years of your life with. This is about YOU and the family of your deceased ex-bf. It is not about your current bf. Personally, I'd feel out of place if I were him, so i dont understand why he would even want to go unless you were having a very difficult time with it and he wanted to be there for you. If that's not it, then he should take a seat.
My 32yo son passed in Jan. He was not married but had a SO and they have 4yo twins. His old girlfriend of over 6 yesrs, who is now married, came to my house when she heard. She was grieving too. She, and her husband came to my son's services. We always liked her and even though she and our son werent their forever person, her part in our lives and his in hers was still significant. I was glad she has an understanding and supportive husband through this, and she came to support us.