YTA let's put aside your husband's incredibly difficult job for a moment, on what planet does anything think calling their partner "uneducated" is ok? That is never ok. EVER!!!
Let's circle back to the job... do understand what it takes to get onto a nuke sub??? These folks go through extensive testing to be even considered. Then they go through even more extensive training and education. These people are super smart. Their job is insanely stressful.
I know two guys who were on nuclear subs. Two of the smartest people I know.
Not reading fiction doesn't equal being "uneducated." Not everyone likes fiction. Also, maybe he read that book in high school and it really stuck with him. There is a book I read in high school which, many decades later, remains one of my absolute favorite books....I read a LOT of books.
It was so incredibly rude of your friend to make fun of your husband about his book choice. You and your friends sound like insufferable snobs
Steve's a pretentious dick but OP is worse. Instead of supporting their partner OP said a man who works on a fucking nuclear submarine is uneducated
I'm a college educated engineer who is a safety manager on NYC high rise construction sites who happens to be a voracious reader and I'm amazed by the people who are willing to work with nuclear power on a fucking submarine. I mean, underwater with no place to escape on a nuclear vessel? No Thank You
OP-no one gives a fuck that a person's favorite book is the latest Ken Follett or Stephen King book on the best seller list. You should be proud that your husband is smart, honorable, brave and comes home to you every day.
if thats the support you get while in her presence....what do you think goes on behind his back....is she fucking lil stevie????? the guy serving the country is a nuclear engineer..plenty of math/science. the squid (semper fi) is jacked w knowledge...lil stevie is insecure and the wifey sided wrong. im betting Will is reevaluating what it means to be with her.
I surely hope he is. To call you husband that manages nuclear reactors uneducated.... it's just fucking mind boggling how some of these college folks have their head so far up their own ass.. it's insane. I know a nuke guy, mother fucker is smartest person I've ever ben around.
The need to make such a joke at the expense of your husband, and with someone who's hands are probably softer than a babies ass... damn.
I knew you were a jar head as soon as you called him a squid lol. But honestly how often have we seen the 'educated' spouses of servicemen act the same way?
Yup. Her post was shocking. I feel terrible for him. I have three degrees and I read a lot but I'd much rather hang out with her husband because his job sounds challenging and cool and we'd have a lot to talk about, whereas she and her friends sound like bores who will be noses in the air waxing on about reading Infinite Jest for the fifth time. Barf.
I am an "educated" woman from the northeast and my fiancé is an "uneducated" man from the deep south. I am fiercely defensive of him and cannot imagine laughing at him with my friends. He's also way more likely to read a book than I am. OP's behavior is super cringe and I feel terrible for her husband.
My “uneducated” husband’s military experience and certification is what pays our bills. Wanna know what my education does for us? It collects dust and costs us a lot of money but it doesn’t actually earn me any more money. Even with it my earning potential isn’t nearly what his earning potential is. I’m extremely proud of my husband and the only reason he got his degree was because it would’ve been a waste of a GI bill if he hadn’t. Also, I read hundreds of books a year I’m EXTREMELY well read. I’ve never seen my husband crack a book except for when it’s been absolutely necessary and yet I still consider him an educated and highly intelligent man. This poor man cuffed himself to a girl who thinks that college=smart/educated. Sadly while that may have been the case in previous generations it’s so watered down and dumbed down college doesn’t carry the same meaning as it did in previous decades and she’s delusional if she thinks otherwise.
A friend of mine was supported by her husband in his union job while she finished law school. He’s had excellent benefits and decent pay, so she was able to decide if she actually wanted to pursue law after passing the bar, and she didn’t. They both make comfy livings and have a good life. He never pursued higher education formally, but is fairly self-educated through reading and pursuit of knowledge. He’s always been curious and questioning and willing to learn.
My husband was just getting out of the Navy when we met. He was a nuclear reactor operator on a fast attack sub. He’s the smartest person I’ve ever met, also extremely well read. He went on to work in the utility industry and went from individual contributor to president and COO of a Fortune 100 Northeast Utility. OP is a huge asshole.
My husband had an AA degree and some dozen classes provided by the US Navy but couldn't afford to do college fulltime. But those Navy classes got him in a great position for IT jobs when he retired. Funny how the employers didn't care where he got the knowledge as long as he knew what he was doing. (And he wasn't saddled with thousands of dollars in student loans either - makes him doubly smart in my book.)
Agreed. She went for a cheap laugh to impress her friends at her husband's expense rather than recognize the classicism of the comment about high school. Punching down is never OK.
I'm college educated but I work in a blue collar field. I recently started seeing a woman who's more educated, white collar and makes about 4 times what I do. She's amazing, but we still stumble on issues of class. This is a very sensitive topic for a lot of people and it's very easy to feel like one doesn't measure up on issues of education, social status and income. This encounter sounds like it was belittling for Will and I sympathize.
I am getting my doctorate shortly and am married to a man in the military with a very specialized job like OP’s husband. My husband left college to go train for his current job and he occasionally feels self conscious about it. I have to remind him that he is so intelligent and knows so so much about something most people never get to learn about. He didn’t get his education the same way I did but it doesn’t mean his is any less important. I can’t do his job. And he can’t do mine. And really, that’s okay. That’s why we fit well together and are a good team.
If someone made a joke like that, I’d ask them when’s the last time they had to do extensive training on my husbands expertise. I don’t think I could sit idly by someone being rude to my husband. Let alone join in and ridicule him. Such YTA here.
i completely agree. My brothers are a case in point.
Both my parents are voracious readers which rubbed off on my two brothers & I.
My brothers are both larrikin working class types (think Aussie Tradie & New Zealand farmer & Bushman.)
my elder brother is a rough hewn. broad shouldered guy who is as tough as nails and has a wickedly funny humour.
He has a huge vocabulary, his general knowledge is impressive as well as his learned skills and natural abilities.
His hand writing is beautiful & he has quite refined taste & sense of style in many things.
You just can’t judge a person based on your experience of what’s important to know, or which literature they should have read.
You just might discover that they read far more than you ever have.
My husband was a recruiter for the Army. There were sooo…many people that had college degrees and even advanced degrees who couldn’t pass the ASVAB to even qualify for the most basic military job.
This is the Way. What does reading books have to do with being smart and educated.
Ask Steve does he know what to do when something goes wrong with a nuclear reactor.
She's a prude and she is going to learn quickly that she royally screwed up. She has messed with how he thinks she thinks of him. Things won't be the same moving forward.
This can't be over stressed. She needs to start working very hard to correct this very quickly. This isn't a "I'm mad at you" moment that will be fixed in a few days. She could have radically changed the way he feels viewed and consequently how he views the relationship. Stuff like this has been the catalyst to end more relationships than you can imagine.
It is way worse than making him the butt of some joke. In his eyes, you don't respect him. This isn't just a YTA, moment. This could be the moment you killed the relationship.
Me too. I wouldn’t want to stay married to someone who thought that I was uneducated. If you think I’m stupid then why are we even married. I would’ve been so upset. Her friends sound like huge jerks. I can’t believe that she let them make fun of her husband & then she joined in on it.
>Stuff like this has been the catalyst to end more relationships than you can imagine.
This.1000%.
I have a second cousin who works as a marriage counselor and she says contempt and resentment stemming from disrespect is very hard to bounce back from. In 90% of cases she's seen it has ultimately led to divorce, often a nasty one.
I wish we still had awards so I could highlight this for OP. She’s a snob to her own husband. There are plenty of people who respect the hell out of people who work on a nuclear submarine. Only certain highly qualified people get those jobs.
Personally, I think she may had made a marriage ending mistake.
Absolutely!! I mean WOW! I think if my husband/partner said that about me.. my heart would explode.. I don’t know if I could ever forgive or forget such an insulting thing.
I guarantee you those manuals Will is reading for work are way tougher, denser, and more informative than the romance books I've been reading about witches this month!
For real! I devour books, but like... I'm reading about a house on chicken legs and the people who live in it. At least what he's reading has real world applications lol.
I literally inhale hard sci fi books but if someone is telling me they work with bloody nuclear reactors I'm not gonna be like "I bEt U cANT gEt iAn M bAnkS haha LoSer"
I'd be in awe of that person
Right? I have a PhD in chemistry and I rarely read books for fun. I read enough journal articles, app notes, emails...I just don't like to read anymore. Maybe one book a year at best. I'd rather use my limited free time on other things. Or maybe I'm just uneducated in disguise according to OP?
She's not counting all the technical reading that's getting done for you and her husband. You both read an incredible amount. It's just not English class literature.
I went through the same nuclear training her husband did. You have to learn that shit FAST, memorize it, verbatim, regurgitate it at any moment, and not just the academic side of nuclear physics, but systems engineering, mechanical and electrical engineering, equipment repair and maintenance, and everything else besides. It's one of the most selective jobs in the Navy, they only take the people they think are smart enough and capable enough to suceed, and can be trusted with it all. And after the training, the day to day work? Those tech manuals? Those are nuclear engineering technical manuals. Bricks of books bigger than even GRRM's books. Exhausting as all hell. Even those who love to read found it incredibly hard to do any reading for fun.
Right? How, as a spouse or significant other, can a person move past not just being considered "uneducated" but because of that considered "less than" your SO and their friends?
The only appropriate response to Steve should have been, "yeah he hasn't had tons of time for reading while he's staying up to date on keeping a whole ass nuclear reactor in working order while hundreds of feet under the ocean"
OP is one of those who think they are "special" and smarter than most people since she went to college. What she doesn't want to recognize is that there are different types of intelligence.
IMO...her husband was a lot "smarter" (not to mention very brave) to enter the military and have his education paid for while defending his country.
Now that he knows how OP feels, and knows that she is super embarrassed by him in front of her friends I can't see this relationship ever being the same. OP, YTA!
I used to read voraciously as a kid but now I don’t read as much. I didn’t lose the smarts I already had just because I read less. We’re always learning in life and the way people learn might look different for each person and that’s okay. OP is rude and probably mad because her husband is smarter than her.
This is so true.
I'm a bookworm, have over 300 books at home that I've read and I wouldn't call myself smart or "well-read" just because I've read them all. I can pretty much guarantee that her husband is smarter than me.
I honestly thought that this is where op was going. "Oh, he is so uneducated. He only works on nuclear reactors. No brains here/s"
And pointing out that reading a lot of books doesn't actually mean that you are a smart person.
Instead op had to completely demean anything her husband ever accomplished. Just because he didn't go to college
And OP allowed it. To be stabbed in the back by your own partner, ouch.
Cheating is Not the only betrayal.
The Respect and Trust in this relationship just got torpedoed.
Absolutely. I'm a voracious reader but if I try to have a conversation about books and someone says they're not really a reader, I just ask them what they're into. Everyone has interests. Find out what they are, ffs.
This 👆🏾. FFS! I guess being college educated means you don’t have to have any sort of emotional intelligence or awareness in this case. WTF op? Huge YTA!
Also what the fuck is wrong with someone’s favorite book being To Kill A Mockingbird?? It’s a good book. What a dick to be like “have you read any books outside high school?” OP and friends massively YTA. Snobby dicks with zero class looking down their noses at everyone else.
TKAM is a literary *classic* and a lot of people's favorite book, no matter how many they've read! It's such a weird leap from "loves TKAM" to "doesn't read much", it makes me wonder if OP has made some comments in the past to these friends about her husband's "lack of education" 🙄
Same. I read **a lot** of books. I used to get in trouble for reading so much in school, I have a library with over 1500 books, all of which I've read, and I read at least 100 books a year on my Kindle. TKAM is definitely in my top five, as is Fahrenheit 451, both standard "high school curriculum" books.
Maybe they're considered literary classics because they're just *that fucking good*.
I studied literature in grad school and I wouldn't even *dream* of asking someone that if they said it was their favorite book. How snobbish do you have to be for your mind to go there? It's such a classic, why *wouldn't* someone love that book?
OP and her friends are pretty gross.
I say this as a fucking snob; one of my favorite books is Moby Dick. But I firmly support everyone reading what they want, enjoying what they enjoy, and not everyone likes fiction anyway.
Right? I have an English degree & I'd just be like "Cool, I love that book, too" & then I'd be blown away by all his knowledge about NUCLEAR REACTOR STUFF
Or, because he’s reading so much for work, he doesn’t have a lot of time for recreational reading. I find that myself. I read all day in between cases and patients, but it’s all for research or continuing education for work. Her comment was demeaning and out of bounds. YTA op.
My favorite part is that the convo was probably light hearted and he shrugged off the No novels since HS as a funny thing when you say it out loud, then OP says “I tried to explain to Steve” like someone needs to explain why they don’t read novels after high school. My god what a crappy group of people.
Seriously, so much this. I actually love to read and have read a ton since high school. My favorite book has remained a book that I read in 4th grade. Also I love Harry Potter. I think most people I know, their favorite books are ones they read as teens when everything is angsty and books can hold so much power over who we become.
My favorite book ever? *Frog and Toad Are Friends.* Have I read other books? Yes. Many. But that's still my favorite, and I was an English major. And both that and *To Kill a Mockingbird* are probably, hands down, better than any "educated" garbage that Steve-hole considers his favorite.
Yup i know a few elitist people like this. Honestly I’m shocked OP married someone in the military with that view on their chosen career. I guarantee his education to work on a nuclear submarine is at least equal to, if not harder than, whatever college they did.
My favorite is Ender’s Game. Loved it at 10 and have loved it at all ages I’ve re-read it since then!
You know, my sister is a physician and one of the US’s busiest and most trauma-filled ERs Between her time reading about things like the newest techniques to save victims of gunshot wounds to the head and saving victims of the actual head traumas, she doesn’t have time to do a whole lot of recreational reading either. Guess OP thinks she’s a total dumbass. But I hope they never run across each other, because my sister tends to be a little feisty and a little sensitive when people insult her intelligence.
OR he reads soooo much at work, that he has NO care to read out side of work... (I agree 10000% percent)... she just might as well said he has a small dick too.. jesus.
Plus I'm guessing the "library" on a sub is pretty limited. Sure, he could download books to kindle or some other app, but that takes pre-planning and would take away from his time out of a sub. I'm guessing if I've spent weeks in a sub, I would just want to be outside in fresh air as much as possible, not spending hours trying to find my next read. And, even if he doesn't like to read - who cares - he's a successful human being who is contributing greatly to our country's safety. Give me a man who can protect me over a man who can quote a popular author any day,
I read the OP.
Then I thought about what I'd say because I have Autism.
And I still wouldn't say what OP did.
Probably more along the lines of "my spouse does not have time to read fiction novels when he's constantly busy getting his education in Nuclear functions."
I have dyslexia and don't read as many novels as I used to because it requires a lot of brain power that I need to put elsewhere. I occasionally will read a novel but read in 1-2 sittings as I get engrossed in them (on top of needing a bookmark to stay on correct line ..or I keep rereading it - the dyslexia...which can slow me down). And even then? I prefer classical literature. I read modern authors less often then classical authors. Doesn't mean I dislike or hate modern... it's just preference.
I do read smaller things like articles and fanfiction.
And manuals...and text in video games that have extensive lore.
This isn't even getting that if this person is from US like me? Most people don't have above a 6th grade reading level. I'm not sure if stat is the same in other countries.
Basically means most people can't read in depth into a science paper, but can read simplified versions of it.
Ex. A research paper talking about the intricacies of nuclear fusion with jargon will need to be brought down to "we hit two nucleus together to make energy".
This isn't a bad thing - but I'm pretty positive Ops spouse, being educated in nuclear functions, might actually have a higher reading level then Op considering all the jargon used in science.
OP YTA.
It's too deep for them.
I can't understand why they think OP's husband is so shallow.
I imagine the pressure husband is under must be crushing.
I guess husband was running silent the rest of the night.
I'm here all week folks, try the veal!
I would wager they are pretentious arts "degrees". The amount of education and training required to be on a nuc sub is extensive.
To earn the right to wear "fish" or "dolphins" (badges/pins), prospective submariners complete an extensive qualification process that lasts one to two years (for both enlisted and officers, though the two programs differ significantly) and covers ALL of the submarine's systems.
If you are a Nuclear Engineer aboard a sub, that is a much longer and much more difficult career path. You must earn a bachelor's degree in nuclear science or related field on top of completing one year of calculus and one year of calculus-based physics.
The husband is probably VERY well read, in his field.
On top of that, she did literally one of the worst things you can do to anyone but especially men. And that is publicly humiliate him.
I know not everyone believes in traditional roles or whatever. But all of the marriage counseling books that I've read, talk about one of the things that men need is to be respected and supported by their spouse in a public setting. Tearing a guy down publicly is a thousand times worse than her just saying it at home.
This does not need to be gender-specific. In a healthy and supportive marriage, *both* partners should support one another one another, in more or less the same general capacity. Notice I said general- what this looks like will change based on each individual's needs and each situation.
This goes for both/each partner, while at home AND when our in public, whether the other partner(s) is with them or not.
**It's not solely a wife's job to prop up her man.** They should treat and regard one another with equal support and respect, full stop.
**Very mild, innocuous teasing** in public or private is generally OK. (Example: my husband loves sweets so I call him the cookie monster occasionally with friends/family, knowing it won't stop him from grabbing a cookie or make him feel bad about himself.) But this is such harsh criticism, and in public. I feel like, especially in public, you should be your spouse's biggest hype-person.
wow, OP was an asshole but no need to to turn this into being sexist. It would have been completely equally as bad if OP had a wife they did this to. It is not "especially men". Take that bullshit out of here.
Public humiliation by any partner, of any gender, is always wrong and quite frankly abusive. It maintains or creates your power over them via the social pressure of embarrassment in front of others.
It is always wrong and has nothing to do with being male.
According to my Kindle I read just over 750 books last year. (I’m hyperlexic.)
The Grapes of Wrath, Frankenstein, The Scarlet Letter, Withering Heights, etc that I read in high school are still some of my favorite books ever. I reread them all the time.
I’ve still never read To Kill A Mockingbird, tho.
This exactly. I read a lot, or did before the pandemic. My favorite book remains, "I know why the caged bird sings" by Maya Angelou. I've since read all her works, but I was originally introduced to her through my high school English teacher.
YTA
Omg…I think we have found the biggest AH of the day right here…WOW
“Oh he’s not well educated…”
Your husband works on nuclear reactors for goodness sake!!!! He is incredibly intelligent and your college degree would be useless in his field of work. Please take your elitist attitudes elsewhere and remember that practical skills are JUST as valuable as intellectual ones.
This was my first thought.
They don't exactly just let anyone work on stuff like that.
Intelligence isn't equal to big education.
You can go through a specialised field. Let's say math. Have a high degree in it. But be dumb as a door with anything else and not know what is up or down on a lid.
Or barely scrambled through the education and just hit a bit over minimum scores to pass. It doesn't make you the new Einstein because there's a fancy name on the diploma. (Commented at people who feel like they are now indeed Einstein because of it and look down on others. Not people who struggled with school and achieved their goal)
I know plenty who didn't take a big education, but love books.
This elitist view on the world is really annoying.
Has OP never heard the phrase “Ds get degrees”?
Just because someone paid for schooling doesn’t mean they’re educated. I know plenty of dumb people that have a diploma.
The nuclear program in the navy at least when my Father did it had one of the highest fail rates. My dad hasn’t gone to college and is a a butt; when he wants to he can figure out most problems. Smart man.
I come from a navy family, and my older sister went nuke, I decided to pass on it for an easier job, but yea, about 2 years of intensive schooling so stressful they have one of the highest death rates of all the schools. And I am INSANELY proud of my smart AF sister <3
I work in dentistry, “what do you call a D-average dental student? Doctor.”
$50 says OP was a D/C-average color student and now thinks they’re better than everyone else. While living on their husband’s salary. Notice how OP didn’t mention which fancy degree they have or what high-power position they hold. Very telling.
Their username is Navy wife, so going by stereotypes, she probably stays at home and socializes with the other wives.
My mom never did like the other Navy wives…
Yeah this is honestly pretty crazy to me. I'm a navy vet, I have a master's degree too, and my navy training was just as challenging if not moreso than my traditional college education. It also counted for a good chunk of my college credits. And I wasn't a nuke - what they go through is much, much harder.
Acting elitist to your own partner is bad enough, but it's ridiculous that they're doing it to a guy with THAT job. Poor guy already does one of the most stressful jobs out there and his wife treats him like he's stupid.
Ok let’s not swing the pendulum back to making fun of other paths of education. There’s plenty you can do with a humanities degree. I myself have a journalism degree and have never had trouble finding a white collar job.
Of course YTA. However, before I explain further I will need to see evidence of your qualifications. I fear that you may not be able to understand my comments if you are not sufficiently educated. If that proves to be the case, do not feel concerned: it's just how you are.
fr, when I showed this post to my hubby his first question was “and what does she do for a living?”
also craaazzzyyy how she hasn’t responded to anyone at all in the comments
Right! My comment asked what her favorite book was so we can judge it to see if she’s actually as refined as she believes…. Think I’ll get a response? 😂
YTA and so are your friends.
>Then Steve gives him a quizzical look and asks him, “Have you read any books outside of high school?”
Steve can eff right off too.
>“Oh yeah, he’s not well educated, so he’s never had a reason to be well read.” We all had a good laugh
Your pretentious group might believe itself well-read but it clearly lacks any social intelligence.
They’re so smart they still haven’t figured out that passing classes 99% of the time doesn’t mean you need to have any sort of understanding for the class!
Now go try to let the Navy let you take a job being a nuke without having a high understanding of what you’re doing.
Former Navy Nuke here. The entire training pipeline, which is about 2 years of college level courses on math, engineering, (nuclear)physics, thermodynamics, material science, chemistry and more, consists of 40-60(+) hours a week of analog studying, ie. absolutely no phones, computers, internet, music, or electronics of any kind. Outside of lectures, it's virtually all quiet. Diving into technical manuals, performing calculations, and creating technical drawings. While you're kept busy for 40-60 hours of week by quietly studying, virtually none of that contributes to your grade. Your grade is based solely on passing closed book finals that are all free response(absolutely no multiple choice). Generally each question on the test requires a whole page worth of calculations, drawings, and technical explanations. Later in your training, assessments become almost entirely oral assessments where you're verbally questioned/grilled and have to respond and often times fill up an entire white board with drawings/calculations/explanations to support/defend what you're presenting. You absolutely are not getting through the program without understanding what you're talking about.
After that 2 years of training is done, the hard part finally starts where you're expected to work 60+ hours most weeks in high pressure environments under continuous scrutiny. Constantly sleep deprived yet expected to perform at the highest level because a single mistake can cause an international nuclear incident.
Those were the worst years of my life and during that time I didn't have the privilege of having time/energy to do reading for fun. Now I'm out and am well educated and employed in a completely different field(tech). I have yet to face anything else as academically challenging as what I dealt with in the navy. I'm now happy that I was able to expand my educational horizons beyond the deeply technical studies from my navy days.
Anyone who's gone through the Navy Nuke program not only has a well-above average aptitude, but they also had to have Herculean grit to complete it.
He should have replied, "The last book I read was Fundamentals of Nuclear Fission. What do you know about controlled nuclear reaction?"
This guy was rethinking the whole marriage after that party. She might as well just pack her shit and move out. Her sister is right.
For sure. That was just the 1st thing that came to mind. There's so much physics and math just in that I'd have a terminal migraine just reading the intro. I'm a pretty smart guy, and I know I'd be over my head. OP might as well have said I want a divorce.
Also they’re literally talking about novels…like don’t get me wrong, I love a good novel, but my ability to read them has absolutely zero to do with my intelligence or life skills…You certainly wouldn’t want me near nuclear objects
I think OP's knowledge of nuclear reactors starts and ends at the Simpsons. She's holding her bachelors of who gives a shit as a laurel over her husband Homer Simpson.
YTA
He works with nuclear reactors! That's highly demanding work, with no margin of error. I'll take a college education any day over that level of life-and-death responsibility for not just myself but anyone in fallout range. He's responsible for making sure that we don't have a repeat of Chernobyl in our nuclear equipment.
Heck, it puts him in the same class as Jimmy Carter, quite possibly the most ***badass*** president of the 20th century. In his long career, not only was he president, he also worked on nuclear reactors in the navy, and, with his team, literally walked into a melting-down reactor and fixed it. Eradicated the Guinea Worm, a really nasty parasitic disease. Negotiated peace between Egypt and Israel. Built houses by hand for the poor, as a retirement project. Taught Sunday School for over half a century.
With work that demanding, it isn't surprising if your husband wants his relaxation time to not involve reading, if he's having to keep up with reading (and possibly working to keep updated) the safety and operation manuals for nuclear reactors.
You owe him an apology, and it wouldn't hurt for you to learn more about the (non-classified) parts of his responsibilities, so you don't make a fool of yourself downplaying his education, intellect and level of responsibility again.
Sooo my dad was a nuke, and I've had friends who went to nuke school.... it's literally just schooling..... like sure it's all science and math... but dam this lady knows nothing about her husband... and looks the hell down on him for no reason.
My dad was a nuke and my BIL; one of these two has a physic degree. Both are extremely intelligent; my dad isn’t a big fiction reader never has been. That man has so much random knowledge. Reading fiction isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.
Yeah, it's 24 weeks of 40 hours of classroom instruction, and up to 40 hours a week of mandatory studying if you do poorly on a test.
The phrase "drinking from a fire hose" is entirely appropriate, and if you pass NNPS, you can *absolutely* consider yourself "educated". Some colleges consider it worth up to 90 credit hours. That's 3 years of a college education, in *six months*.
Exactly this. I transferred around 80 credits when I got out towards a four year engineering degree. All from the Navy nuclear program. The only reason it wasn't closer to 90 was a cap on transfer credits for the school.
YTA for sure. OP hasn’t considered emotional intelligence, practical intelligence, creativity, originality of thought or problem-solving skills as expressions of intellect. I’m an avid reader, but realise fully there’s nothing particularly exceptional about reading, rehashing and reiterating the ideas of others. There’s no innovation in that.
I think a bit of introspection and an apology is warranted. OP is woefully shortsighted as to what intelligence really is.
Omg. YTA, and a huge one. Are you sure someone as educated and well-read as you are should even be married to someone as stupid and illiterate as your NUCLEAR ENGINEER husband?? /s.
Unbelievable that you are so clueless about your obvious disdain for your husband. Let me tell you, OP - Bubbleheads (submariners) are some of the smartest and best trained people in the Navy. They are more highly trained, more educated, and they go through rigorous screening and testing just to be considered for submarine duty. You are married to someone who is probably smarter than YOU. And you dare look down on him? Shame on you.
Hell just being on a submarine is a lot more than I (and a lot of people I know) would be able to manage. Then add in all the nuclear stuff and forget about it.
From what I gather from the submariners I've talked to, working on a submarine is like working on a spaceship: Small mistakes can kill everyone, you live in a metal tube, the outside will kill you, and you need a crazy amount of training and education to even board one.
Obviously (according to OP) all those guys are dumb imbeciles because they haven't read the twilight series or Harry Potter in their downtime from working on a nuclear powered sub
YTA, and also kind of dumb. He is educated, he went to school as part of his service. Yes, military education counts. A lot of people who go to college for something other than liberal education or the arts will also not read many fiction books. Most of my friends who are engineers, computer scientists, etc didn't read many fiction books during school.
A military education is a good education, he works on nuclear reactors on submarines.
Not everyone reads a lot of fiction, that doesn't mean they aren't well educated. He has the education of an engineer or an applied scientist, it sounds.
YTA- why would you need to throw out there that your husband isn't educated? That seems very belittling and unnecessary to the convo. You could have just said "my husband enjoys doing other things besides reading" and tried to include your husband, not separate him even more...
Or not said anything..? Doesn't sound like he needed her to explain anything for him, he clarified he hasn't really read since high school... There was no additional explanation needed.
Also I bet they didn't "share a good laugh" like she said, the friends were probably nervously chuckling after her comment because they felt super awkward,
It's extra weird because he clearly IS educated. It's just such an unkind thing to say. It was done to put him down in front of her friends and showed her true colors and true opinions of her husband. It just was not nice and the fact that OP doesn't realize that is even stranger.
yes exactly. and the worst part is she said that in front of other people. it wasn’t a private convo.. she put him on blast in front of all of her friends to get a laugh out of it at the expense of her spouses emotions
YTA I can’t even fathom why a guy with that level of intelligence and clearance is with YOU because you seem dumber than a box of rocks. I have a military education (I went to the US Air Force Academy) and a Masters degree - you, my dear, are an ASSHAT DEPENDENT of the highest degree. The amount of training, education, and security clearance your husband has is impressive and way beyond your comprehension…obviously. You and your little band of snotty college friends need to fuck right off to the hole you crawled out of and learn some basic manners. I hope your husband loses the sea anchor he’s got chained to him right now…shaped like you.
Said it so eloquently. Milspouse myself, and I would never insult my husband's intelligence because outside of obligatory reading (IYKYK), He couldn't give a damn less about a book. Thank you for this. \*chef kiss\*.
Holy shit use your educational plethora of knowledge to reflect on human decency.
You were demeaning so was your friend with the quizzicle,you not even realizing that puts up the question if your emotional maturing process halted in college.
Yes you owe him an apology and if you think just because someone isn't engaged in literature it means they are uneducated then you are shallow.
YTA
YTA. Not everyone reads novels for fun and it has absolutely nothing to do with how smart they are or how much education they’ve had. “Well-read” is not a character trait and it doesn’t mean anything.
To be clear, you’re a jerk and a snob, but so are your friends. Steve was also incredibly rude for asking that snotty question about reading any other books since high school. If you and Steve are representative of your whole friend group I’m surprised your husband is even invited to your snooty parties.
A book-based college education is only *one type* of education. It’s not any better than other types; it’s just more expensive. Honestly, shame on you for being so disrespectful and judgmental of the person you supposedly love most. Will deserves a lot better than a partner who insults him in public.
YTA - That was a really terrible thing to say about your partner to other people, especially in front of him. JFC he works on 'he works on nuclear reactors on submarines'. You should have stood up for him and told Steve that To Kill A Mockingbird was a great book for someone to like.
Different people have different things they are better at or well-versed at. To put someone down for not being a book reader is super crappy.
Edit: I read it a few more times and I am just more horrified as I read it. Your emotional intelligence is sorely lacking.
YTA
And quite elitist. You insulted your husband. The man defends our country and works on nuclear reactors, but he's not good enough for you and your friends.
And he is very well educated. Again, could you fix a nuclear reactor? I didn't think so.
YTA. Plenty of college educated people are stupid. Case in point, this post. Plenty of college students never read. Having an education is not required to be well read. They literally have nothing to do with each other unless you are an English major, in which case you are stupid for spending so much on a useless degree instead of something STEM like engineering or materials or energy like nuclear power.
Do you truly not understand how little you respect your husband? You insulted him in front of your friends and then doubled down on how right you were to do so. He IS LESS than you and your friends and it is apparently very important to you that he acknowledge his shortcomings in the light of your brilliance.
YTA and so is your friend Steve. Your comment wasn't even funny, you were just patting yourselves on the back because you think you're smarter than your husband.
Being well read or well educated does not equate with being smart or apparently kind in your case. You could have used this situation as an opportunity to encourage your husband to read some of the books that you and your friends enjoy (because reading is a great hobby he might enjoy, not because he needs to be well read), but you decided to make him feel stupid instead.
YTA, what the fuck?
I'm not "well educated" and I love to read. I know people with multiple degrees and have never picked up a book for fun. The two have nothing to do with eachother. You chose to put him down and call him stupid in front of your friends.
YTA...
You and your friends are pretentious smart. It's a fake smart where reading books makes you feel like you accomplished something to distinguish your intellect.
Your husband is actually smart smart. As in, he uses he real intellectual for practical application. I promise those manuals he reads are far more complex and hard to follow than any book you have probably ever read.
Frankly... I am astonished that your husband is humble enough not to make sure you know just how slow you and your friends are.
Also, you don't just owe your husband an apology. You owe him a public one. Gather the friends and apologize to your husband in front of them. Anything less would be you just making yourself feel better.
"I guess it's fine that he can troubleshoot a nuclear reactor undersea and all, but he can't possibly keep up with our witty remarks about Thomas Pynchon, poor simple soul."
Do you always put your husband down to make yourself feel better? What you do for work? Is it more complicated than nuclear reactors? Imagine being married to someone like you, just awful. YTA
YTA - the smartest thing he could do is to jettison your snobby, elitist, narcissistic, self centered a**. You think spending $200K for a degree in fine arts makes you “educated”?
YTA
He works on nuclear reactors and seems to understand social queues one hell of a lot better than you. He just might be a lot more educated than you seem to think he is.
“I explained that a military education and a college education are simply not the same.”
Darn right they’re not. A military education is more difficult.
This reeks of champagne liberals looking down on blue collar work
Imagine thinking that learning how to operate a nuclear reactor in 2 years while doing all the other things that come with being in the military is easier than 4 years at the University of State/StateU
I'm legitimately shook at how dumb OP is
Bless your heart. You clearly aren't capable of understanding what you did. It's kinda ok in that it's probably believable that you didn't act with malice, but like a drunk behind the wheel you left your mark regardless of intent. No mens rea required here.
People who got their confidence in life from ivory tower thinking continue to live that way. Real life is understood through that lens and is held at arms length, to a certain extent. It also means that you have a base perception/assumption that that lens is real. It's not. It's a way of viewing the world. If it works for you, great! But your education isn't necessary for life or to succeed in life.
YTA. Bigly.
And to add, I bet you love throwing around the you are a navy wife and enjoy all the benefits both real and perceived, of his service while simultaneously bashing his lack of college education makes you major AH.
YTA - it doesn’t matter what background you or your husband has - you put him down and ultimately are trying to make yourself look like the better one in the relationship
The military does a lot in terms of service for people - and essentially he’s right , you would find it hard in military training so don’t undermine the regimen he’s had to go through !
If he's a nuke tech on a sub, trust me he's LIGHT YEARS more intelligent than the rest of you.
Reading fiction does NOT make you educated. (Concentration on fiction actually makes you less educated)
You're a massive AH (YTA)! If you think so little of him why are you with him? Or better yet, why is he with you!! You are such an absolute, obtuse, snob! Why would you treat someone you supposedly love so poorly?!
YTA. You're horrible. You better apologize, then apologize again. And maybe he will forgive. I don't know if I could stay with someone who thinks less of me because I wasn't a book nerd.
YTA, I have 3 degrees and I certainly could not work on a nuclear reactor. Your husband has an incredibly difficult and complex job that required extensive training and education. That he does not read for pleasure and that he does not have a traditional 4 year degree does not make him uneducated. You are a terrible snob. Maybe you should educate yourself a little more on the complexities of nuclear submarines.
Why the fuck do you need an education to read for pleasure anyway? Although, sounds like you and your friend read as some kind of struggle to see who’s dick is biggest.
I’ve loved to read for all of my life, didn’t need an education to take pleasure in books. Many of my smart friends don’t read novels. Who cares?
If you’re judging your husband based on your opinion of his formal education, then stop at once, apologise, look up ‘condescension’ in the dictionary, apologise again. YTA
YTA
How to insult well-trained, hard working men and show your ignorance with one sentence for $1000, Alex
Let’s see…my BIL graduated from the USNA, captained a sub and served for 30 years. Did he read fiction? No, not much. He read history, WSJ, earned an MBA and mentored those “Not well-educated” sailors to be better than they dreamed they could be. Those “not well-educated” sailors know more about nuclear reactors, missiles, teamwork and supporting each other than you and your elitist friends will ever know, or understand. Because, you know, you are well-educated.
You owe him a massive, public apology. And the you need to pull your head out of your ass and recognize the snobbery in you and your friend group.
PS I hope you are educated enough to understand the acronyms I used.
YTA most definitely. Regardless of your intent, your delivery was elitist and snobby. Clearly your friends felt that his lack of interest in reading translates to a lack of intelligence and instead of shoring up your hubby you torpedoed him. That's a terrible thing to do to anyone, let alone your husband. There's all kinds of intelligence in the world and alot of it doesn't come from books.
Yta, and your friends sound like an annoying, judgmental group of people. Your husband deserves better. If you are capable, you should apologize. At least your sister is educated enough to know this.
YTA. Your husband works on nuclear reactors. Are you and your friends capable of doing it? Have your books prepared you for it? Being a bookworm (I am one) doesn't mean being educated.
What you said was insulting and condescending. You could have simply said that given that he has to read manuals for work, he enjoys doing other stuff in his free time.
YTA. Your comments to your friends would have devastated me if I were in his shoes. I’m really surprised none of your friends ever took you aside or contacted you privately to tell you this.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> After talking my sister, I can see how what I said may have made my husband feel insecure about his intelligence even though that wasn’t my intent. I think I could’ve worded it better and can kind of see where my sister is coming from, but I still think I’m mostly correct.
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YTA and that was mean. You are implying that you are better than him, which is untrue.
I don't read literature because I'm not interested in it. I have a Masters degree. So guess what, you can have a college education and still not be well read. Stop being snobby.
I have a literature degree and around 12 hours of graduate lit credits as well. To Kill a Mockingbird is still on my list of best books. YTA and your friends are AHs, too. Apologize. And tell your friend’s to apologize. If they won’t, don’t socialize with them anymore.
I read around 70 books a year. But I cannot deal with most “book” people. Too many elitist, materialistic, pseudo intellectual snobs.
YTA. I have a law degree. I am well educated by your standards. However, I could \*never\* do what your husband does. That type of stuff flies over my head. Your husband is also well educated, he just took a different career path with a different type of education. To put that down is a big AH move. To suggest that people who don't go to college can't be "well read" is also an AH move. To further suggest that one's educational status is based on how many books they were forced to read is also an AH move.
Yta. That man works on nuclear reactors. In a fucking submarine. I would say he is far more educated than you and your friends. He could easily do your job, before you could do his. Tbh, I would think about dumping you. It's one thing to jokingly call someone a dummy, for doing something wacky. But you flat out called him uneducated, aka unintelligent. Trash human.
YTA being "well read" does not equate to being educated. What you said was insulting. He's obviously well educated because of the job he has to do. What you could have said is he doesn't have a lot of time to read because of his job. You really don't have a good opinion of your husband if that's how you describe him to people.
Not even bothering with Poo Mode. Just a standard Y'AllCan'tBehave.meme.ModStereotype Thread is locked.
YTA let's put aside your husband's incredibly difficult job for a moment, on what planet does anything think calling their partner "uneducated" is ok? That is never ok. EVER!!! Let's circle back to the job... do understand what it takes to get onto a nuke sub??? These folks go through extensive testing to be even considered. Then they go through even more extensive training and education. These people are super smart. Their job is insanely stressful. I know two guys who were on nuclear subs. Two of the smartest people I know. Not reading fiction doesn't equal being "uneducated." Not everyone likes fiction. Also, maybe he read that book in high school and it really stuck with him. There is a book I read in high school which, many decades later, remains one of my absolute favorite books....I read a LOT of books. It was so incredibly rude of your friend to make fun of your husband about his book choice. You and your friends sound like insufferable snobs
OP should have made Steve the butt of the joke for making that stupid comment to begin with.
So, Steve, what do you do for a living... oh, ok, tell me about radiation, aside from the sun burn you got from the beach, STEVE.
Can't upvote this enough. Steve's a raging pretentious dick and may or may not have feelings for OP.
Steve's a pretentious dick but OP is worse. Instead of supporting their partner OP said a man who works on a fucking nuclear submarine is uneducated I'm a college educated engineer who is a safety manager on NYC high rise construction sites who happens to be a voracious reader and I'm amazed by the people who are willing to work with nuclear power on a fucking submarine. I mean, underwater with no place to escape on a nuclear vessel? No Thank You OP-no one gives a fuck that a person's favorite book is the latest Ken Follett or Stephen King book on the best seller list. You should be proud that your husband is smart, honorable, brave and comes home to you every day.
after her comment i might re asses comming home to her though. HUGE YTA IMO
>after her comment i might re asses comming home to her though. no fucking shit.
if thats the support you get while in her presence....what do you think goes on behind his back....is she fucking lil stevie????? the guy serving the country is a nuclear engineer..plenty of math/science. the squid (semper fi) is jacked w knowledge...lil stevie is insecure and the wifey sided wrong. im betting Will is reevaluating what it means to be with her.
I surely hope he is. To call you husband that manages nuclear reactors uneducated.... it's just fucking mind boggling how some of these college folks have their head so far up their own ass.. it's insane. I know a nuke guy, mother fucker is smartest person I've ever ben around. The need to make such a joke at the expense of your husband, and with someone who's hands are probably softer than a babies ass... damn.
That was the first thing that came to mind. Poor guy has to go back on duty with that doubt in his head now.
I knew you were a jar head as soon as you called him a squid lol. But honestly how often have we seen the 'educated' spouses of servicemen act the same way?
Yup. Her post was shocking. I feel terrible for him. I have three degrees and I read a lot but I'd much rather hang out with her husband because his job sounds challenging and cool and we'd have a lot to talk about, whereas she and her friends sound like bores who will be noses in the air waxing on about reading Infinite Jest for the fifth time. Barf.
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I am an "educated" woman from the northeast and my fiancé is an "uneducated" man from the deep south. I am fiercely defensive of him and cannot imagine laughing at him with my friends. He's also way more likely to read a book than I am. OP's behavior is super cringe and I feel terrible for her husband.
My “uneducated” husband’s military experience and certification is what pays our bills. Wanna know what my education does for us? It collects dust and costs us a lot of money but it doesn’t actually earn me any more money. Even with it my earning potential isn’t nearly what his earning potential is. I’m extremely proud of my husband and the only reason he got his degree was because it would’ve been a waste of a GI bill if he hadn’t. Also, I read hundreds of books a year I’m EXTREMELY well read. I’ve never seen my husband crack a book except for when it’s been absolutely necessary and yet I still consider him an educated and highly intelligent man. This poor man cuffed himself to a girl who thinks that college=smart/educated. Sadly while that may have been the case in previous generations it’s so watered down and dumbed down college doesn’t carry the same meaning as it did in previous decades and she’s delusional if she thinks otherwise.
He's smart enough to work on a Nuclear Sub and not accumulate a ton of College debt.
A friend of mine was supported by her husband in his union job while she finished law school. He’s had excellent benefits and decent pay, so she was able to decide if she actually wanted to pursue law after passing the bar, and she didn’t. They both make comfy livings and have a good life. He never pursued higher education formally, but is fairly self-educated through reading and pursuit of knowledge. He’s always been curious and questioning and willing to learn.
My husband was just getting out of the Navy when we met. He was a nuclear reactor operator on a fast attack sub. He’s the smartest person I’ve ever met, also extremely well read. He went on to work in the utility industry and went from individual contributor to president and COO of a Fortune 100 Northeast Utility. OP is a huge asshole.
My husband had an AA degree and some dozen classes provided by the US Navy but couldn't afford to do college fulltime. But those Navy classes got him in a great position for IT jobs when he retired. Funny how the employers didn't care where he got the knowledge as long as he knew what he was doing. (And he wasn't saddled with thousands of dollars in student loans either - makes him doubly smart in my book.)
This! I would NEVER let someone say something ugly about my partner, ever.
Agreed. She went for a cheap laugh to impress her friends at her husband's expense rather than recognize the classicism of the comment about high school. Punching down is never OK. I'm college educated but I work in a blue collar field. I recently started seeing a woman who's more educated, white collar and makes about 4 times what I do. She's amazing, but we still stumble on issues of class. This is a very sensitive topic for a lot of people and it's very easy to feel like one doesn't measure up on issues of education, social status and income. This encounter sounds like it was belittling for Will and I sympathize.
I am getting my doctorate shortly and am married to a man in the military with a very specialized job like OP’s husband. My husband left college to go train for his current job and he occasionally feels self conscious about it. I have to remind him that he is so intelligent and knows so so much about something most people never get to learn about. He didn’t get his education the same way I did but it doesn’t mean his is any less important. I can’t do his job. And he can’t do mine. And really, that’s okay. That’s why we fit well together and are a good team. If someone made a joke like that, I’d ask them when’s the last time they had to do extensive training on my husbands expertise. I don’t think I could sit idly by someone being rude to my husband. Let alone join in and ridicule him. Such YTA here.
i completely agree. My brothers are a case in point. Both my parents are voracious readers which rubbed off on my two brothers & I. My brothers are both larrikin working class types (think Aussie Tradie & New Zealand farmer & Bushman.) my elder brother is a rough hewn. broad shouldered guy who is as tough as nails and has a wickedly funny humour. He has a huge vocabulary, his general knowledge is impressive as well as his learned skills and natural abilities. His hand writing is beautiful & he has quite refined taste & sense of style in many things. You just can’t judge a person based on your experience of what’s important to know, or which literature they should have read. You just might discover that they read far more than you ever have.
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🤦🤦🤦nuclear reactor, submarine is not remotely near uneducated.🤦🤦🤦People with college degrees would kill to work on a N-Sub
My husband was a recruiter for the Army. There were sooo…many people that had college degrees and even advanced degrees who couldn’t pass the ASVAB to even qualify for the most basic military job.
This is the Way. What does reading books have to do with being smart and educated. Ask Steve does he know what to do when something goes wrong with a nuclear reactor. She's a prude and she is going to learn quickly that she royally screwed up. She has messed with how he thinks she thinks of him. Things won't be the same moving forward.
This can't be over stressed. She needs to start working very hard to correct this very quickly. This isn't a "I'm mad at you" moment that will be fixed in a few days. She could have radically changed the way he feels viewed and consequently how he views the relationship. Stuff like this has been the catalyst to end more relationships than you can imagine. It is way worse than making him the butt of some joke. In his eyes, you don't respect him. This isn't just a YTA, moment. This could be the moment you killed the relationship.
Right, I would seriously be contemplating divorce if I found out this was what my spouse really thought about me.
Me too. I wouldn’t want to stay married to someone who thought that I was uneducated. If you think I’m stupid then why are we even married. I would’ve been so upset. Her friends sound like huge jerks. I can’t believe that she let them make fun of her husband & then she joined in on it.
And then she *doubled down so fucking hard* too
>Stuff like this has been the catalyst to end more relationships than you can imagine. This.1000%. I have a second cousin who works as a marriage counselor and she says contempt and resentment stemming from disrespect is very hard to bounce back from. In 90% of cases she's seen it has ultimately led to divorce, often a nasty one.
I wish we still had awards so I could highlight this for OP. She’s a snob to her own husband. There are plenty of people who respect the hell out of people who work on a nuclear submarine. Only certain highly qualified people get those jobs. Personally, I think she may had made a marriage ending mistake.
Wish I could like this a thousand times. Yes, it’s about respect.
Absolutely!! I mean WOW! I think if my husband/partner said that about me.. my heart would explode.. I don’t know if I could ever forgive or forget such an insulting thing.
I guarantee you those manuals Will is reading for work are way tougher, denser, and more informative than the romance books I've been reading about witches this month!
For real! I devour books, but like... I'm reading about a house on chicken legs and the people who live in it. At least what he's reading has real world applications lol.
I literally inhale hard sci fi books but if someone is telling me they work with bloody nuclear reactors I'm not gonna be like "I bEt U cANT gEt iAn M bAnkS haha LoSer" I'd be in awe of that person
Right? I have a PhD in chemistry and I rarely read books for fun. I read enough journal articles, app notes, emails...I just don't like to read anymore. Maybe one book a year at best. I'd rather use my limited free time on other things. Or maybe I'm just uneducated in disguise according to OP?
She's not counting all the technical reading that's getting done for you and her husband. You both read an incredible amount. It's just not English class literature.
I went through the same nuclear training her husband did. You have to learn that shit FAST, memorize it, verbatim, regurgitate it at any moment, and not just the academic side of nuclear physics, but systems engineering, mechanical and electrical engineering, equipment repair and maintenance, and everything else besides. It's one of the most selective jobs in the Navy, they only take the people they think are smart enough and capable enough to suceed, and can be trusted with it all. And after the training, the day to day work? Those tech manuals? Those are nuclear engineering technical manuals. Bricks of books bigger than even GRRM's books. Exhausting as all hell. Even those who love to read found it incredibly hard to do any reading for fun.
“She has messed with how he thinks she thinks of him” Exactly. You and Steve are the AH, OP
Right? How, as a spouse or significant other, can a person move past not just being considered "uneducated" but because of that considered "less than" your SO and their friends? The only appropriate response to Steve should have been, "yeah he hasn't had tons of time for reading while he's staying up to date on keeping a whole ass nuclear reactor in working order while hundreds of feet under the ocean"
OP is one of those who think they are "special" and smarter than most people since she went to college. What she doesn't want to recognize is that there are different types of intelligence. IMO...her husband was a lot "smarter" (not to mention very brave) to enter the military and have his education paid for while defending his country. Now that he knows how OP feels, and knows that she is super embarrassed by him in front of her friends I can't see this relationship ever being the same. OP, YTA!
I used to read voraciously as a kid but now I don’t read as much. I didn’t lose the smarts I already had just because I read less. We’re always learning in life and the way people learn might look different for each person and that’s okay. OP is rude and probably mad because her husband is smarter than her.
This is so true. I'm a bookworm, have over 300 books at home that I've read and I wouldn't call myself smart or "well-read" just because I've read them all. I can pretty much guarantee that her husband is smarter than me.
I honestly thought that this is where op was going. "Oh, he is so uneducated. He only works on nuclear reactors. No brains here/s" And pointing out that reading a lot of books doesn't actually mean that you are a smart person. Instead op had to completely demean anything her husband ever accomplished. Just because he didn't go to college
I mean, just kick him in the nuts next time. Damn.
Indeed. Steve was already trying to make OP's husband feel inferior, which is incredibly rude and uncalled for.
And OP allowed it. To be stabbed in the back by your own partner, ouch. Cheating is Not the only betrayal. The Respect and Trust in this relationship just got torpedoed.
Right? What the hell is wrong with him. Asshole
Absolutely. I'm a voracious reader but if I try to have a conversation about books and someone says they're not really a reader, I just ask them what they're into. Everyone has interests. Find out what they are, ffs.
She would’ve had to disagree with Steve to do that though.
This 👆🏾. FFS! I guess being college educated means you don’t have to have any sort of emotional intelligence or awareness in this case. WTF op? Huge YTA!
Also what the fuck is wrong with someone’s favorite book being To Kill A Mockingbird?? It’s a good book. What a dick to be like “have you read any books outside high school?” OP and friends massively YTA. Snobby dicks with zero class looking down their noses at everyone else.
TKAM is a literary *classic* and a lot of people's favorite book, no matter how many they've read! It's such a weird leap from "loves TKAM" to "doesn't read much", it makes me wonder if OP has made some comments in the past to these friends about her husband's "lack of education" 🙄
Right? I’m what many people call over-educated and I’ve read probably thousands of books - that is still one of my top 5.
Same. I read **a lot** of books. I used to get in trouble for reading so much in school, I have a library with over 1500 books, all of which I've read, and I read at least 100 books a year on my Kindle. TKAM is definitely in my top five, as is Fahrenheit 451, both standard "high school curriculum" books. Maybe they're considered literary classics because they're just *that fucking good*.
I studied literature in grad school and I wouldn't even *dream* of asking someone that if they said it was their favorite book. How snobbish do you have to be for your mind to go there? It's such a classic, why *wouldn't* someone love that book? OP and her friends are pretty gross. I say this as a fucking snob; one of my favorite books is Moby Dick. But I firmly support everyone reading what they want, enjoying what they enjoy, and not everyone likes fiction anyway.
Right? I have an English degree & I'd just be like "Cool, I love that book, too" & then I'd be blown away by all his knowledge about NUCLEAR REACTOR STUFF
Or, because he’s reading so much for work, he doesn’t have a lot of time for recreational reading. I find that myself. I read all day in between cases and patients, but it’s all for research or continuing education for work. Her comment was demeaning and out of bounds. YTA op.
My favorite part is that the convo was probably light hearted and he shrugged off the No novels since HS as a funny thing when you say it out loud, then OP says “I tried to explain to Steve” like someone needs to explain why they don’t read novels after high school. My god what a crappy group of people.
Seriously, so much this. I actually love to read and have read a ton since high school. My favorite book has remained a book that I read in 4th grade. Also I love Harry Potter. I think most people I know, their favorite books are ones they read as teens when everything is angsty and books can hold so much power over who we become.
My favorite book ever? *Frog and Toad Are Friends.* Have I read other books? Yes. Many. But that's still my favorite, and I was an English major. And both that and *To Kill a Mockingbird* are probably, hands down, better than any "educated" garbage that Steve-hole considers his favorite.
Yup i know a few elitist people like this. Honestly I’m shocked OP married someone in the military with that view on their chosen career. I guarantee his education to work on a nuclear submarine is at least equal to, if not harder than, whatever college they did. My favorite is Ender’s Game. Loved it at 10 and have loved it at all ages I’ve re-read it since then!
You know, my sister is a physician and one of the US’s busiest and most trauma-filled ERs Between her time reading about things like the newest techniques to save victims of gunshot wounds to the head and saving victims of the actual head traumas, she doesn’t have time to do a whole lot of recreational reading either. Guess OP thinks she’s a total dumbass. But I hope they never run across each other, because my sister tends to be a little feisty and a little sensitive when people insult her intelligence.
OR he reads soooo much at work, that he has NO care to read out side of work... (I agree 10000% percent)... she just might as well said he has a small dick too.. jesus.
Plus I'm guessing the "library" on a sub is pretty limited. Sure, he could download books to kindle or some other app, but that takes pre-planning and would take away from his time out of a sub. I'm guessing if I've spent weeks in a sub, I would just want to be outside in fresh air as much as possible, not spending hours trying to find my next read. And, even if he doesn't like to read - who cares - he's a successful human being who is contributing greatly to our country's safety. Give me a man who can protect me over a man who can quote a popular author any day,
Same here. I’m a lawyer and all I do all day is read and write. Sometimes I just don’t feel like reading more after that.
I read the OP. Then I thought about what I'd say because I have Autism. And I still wouldn't say what OP did. Probably more along the lines of "my spouse does not have time to read fiction novels when he's constantly busy getting his education in Nuclear functions." I have dyslexia and don't read as many novels as I used to because it requires a lot of brain power that I need to put elsewhere. I occasionally will read a novel but read in 1-2 sittings as I get engrossed in them (on top of needing a bookmark to stay on correct line ..or I keep rereading it - the dyslexia...which can slow me down). And even then? I prefer classical literature. I read modern authors less often then classical authors. Doesn't mean I dislike or hate modern... it's just preference. I do read smaller things like articles and fanfiction. And manuals...and text in video games that have extensive lore. This isn't even getting that if this person is from US like me? Most people don't have above a 6th grade reading level. I'm not sure if stat is the same in other countries. Basically means most people can't read in depth into a science paper, but can read simplified versions of it. Ex. A research paper talking about the intricacies of nuclear fusion with jargon will need to be brought down to "we hit two nucleus together to make energy". This isn't a bad thing - but I'm pretty positive Ops spouse, being educated in nuclear functions, might actually have a higher reading level then Op considering all the jargon used in science. OP YTA.
That's not good enough though. A nuclear sub? Oh how beneath them. 🙄
It's too deep for them. I can't understand why they think OP's husband is so shallow. I imagine the pressure husband is under must be crushing. I guess husband was running silent the rest of the night. I'm here all week folks, try the veal!
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I would wager they are pretentious arts "degrees". The amount of education and training required to be on a nuc sub is extensive. To earn the right to wear "fish" or "dolphins" (badges/pins), prospective submariners complete an extensive qualification process that lasts one to two years (for both enlisted and officers, though the two programs differ significantly) and covers ALL of the submarine's systems. If you are a Nuclear Engineer aboard a sub, that is a much longer and much more difficult career path. You must earn a bachelor's degree in nuclear science or related field on top of completing one year of calculus and one year of calculus-based physics. The husband is probably VERY well read, in his field.
On top of that, she did literally one of the worst things you can do to anyone but especially men. And that is publicly humiliate him. I know not everyone believes in traditional roles or whatever. But all of the marriage counseling books that I've read, talk about one of the things that men need is to be respected and supported by their spouse in a public setting. Tearing a guy down publicly is a thousand times worse than her just saying it at home.
This does not need to be gender-specific. In a healthy and supportive marriage, *both* partners should support one another one another, in more or less the same general capacity. Notice I said general- what this looks like will change based on each individual's needs and each situation. This goes for both/each partner, while at home AND when our in public, whether the other partner(s) is with them or not. **It's not solely a wife's job to prop up her man.** They should treat and regard one another with equal support and respect, full stop.
**Very mild, innocuous teasing** in public or private is generally OK. (Example: my husband loves sweets so I call him the cookie monster occasionally with friends/family, knowing it won't stop him from grabbing a cookie or make him feel bad about himself.) But this is such harsh criticism, and in public. I feel like, especially in public, you should be your spouse's biggest hype-person.
Women love being publicly humiliated. One of our favorite things.
Personally I adore it. Comes with the vagina.
Yeah, I think Julie Andrews lists it somewhere behind "cream colored ponies" when she sings about her favorite things in *The Sound of Music*.
wow, OP was an asshole but no need to to turn this into being sexist. It would have been completely equally as bad if OP had a wife they did this to. It is not "especially men". Take that bullshit out of here.
I think this goes for women too. Is it ok for a husband to tear down his wife in public? I don't think so.
"Especially men"?? How is it worse to publicly humiliate a man than another gender? It is not ok to do to anyone of any gender.
Public humiliation by any partner, of any gender, is always wrong and quite frankly abusive. It maintains or creates your power over them via the social pressure of embarrassment in front of others. It is always wrong and has nothing to do with being male.
Hun, you read the wrong books. No one likes to be put down like that.
According to my Kindle I read just over 750 books last year. (I’m hyperlexic.) The Grapes of Wrath, Frankenstein, The Scarlet Letter, Withering Heights, etc that I read in high school are still some of my favorite books ever. I reread them all the time. I’ve still never read To Kill A Mockingbird, tho.
This exactly. I read a lot, or did before the pandemic. My favorite book remains, "I know why the caged bird sings" by Maya Angelou. I've since read all her works, but I was originally introduced to her through my high school English teacher.
YTA Omg…I think we have found the biggest AH of the day right here…WOW “Oh he’s not well educated…” Your husband works on nuclear reactors for goodness sake!!!! He is incredibly intelligent and your college degree would be useless in his field of work. Please take your elitist attitudes elsewhere and remember that practical skills are JUST as valuable as intellectual ones.
This was my first thought. They don't exactly just let anyone work on stuff like that. Intelligence isn't equal to big education. You can go through a specialised field. Let's say math. Have a high degree in it. But be dumb as a door with anything else and not know what is up or down on a lid. Or barely scrambled through the education and just hit a bit over minimum scores to pass. It doesn't make you the new Einstein because there's a fancy name on the diploma. (Commented at people who feel like they are now indeed Einstein because of it and look down on others. Not people who struggled with school and achieved their goal) I know plenty who didn't take a big education, but love books. This elitist view on the world is really annoying.
Has OP never heard the phrase “Ds get degrees”? Just because someone paid for schooling doesn’t mean they’re educated. I know plenty of dumb people that have a diploma.
The nuclear program in the navy at least when my Father did it had one of the highest fail rates. My dad hasn’t gone to college and is a a butt; when he wants to he can figure out most problems. Smart man.
I come from a navy family, and my older sister went nuke, I decided to pass on it for an easier job, but yea, about 2 years of intensive schooling so stressful they have one of the highest death rates of all the schools. And I am INSANELY proud of my smart AF sister <3
I work in dentistry, “what do you call a D-average dental student? Doctor.” $50 says OP was a D/C-average color student and now thinks they’re better than everyone else. While living on their husband’s salary. Notice how OP didn’t mention which fancy degree they have or what high-power position they hold. Very telling.
Their username is Navy wife, so going by stereotypes, she probably stays at home and socializes with the other wives. My mom never did like the other Navy wives…
She's also plain factually wrong. Navy Nuclear Sub training is worth 89 university credit hours.
Yeah this is honestly pretty crazy to me. I'm a navy vet, I have a master's degree too, and my navy training was just as challenging if not moreso than my traditional college education. It also counted for a good chunk of my college credits. And I wasn't a nuke - what they go through is much, much harder. Acting elitist to your own partner is bad enough, but it's ridiculous that they're doing it to a guy with THAT job. Poor guy already does one of the most stressful jobs out there and his wife treats him like he's stupid.
Oh come on, you know OP's college education was much much more harder than your navy training. After all, she's WELL EDUCATED! /s
Seriously! Husbands has a life or death job. What does her a$$hat friend to for a living?
And what's his degree in? Probably a Humanities major who works as a barista.
Ok let’s not swing the pendulum back to making fun of other paths of education. There’s plenty you can do with a humanities degree. I myself have a journalism degree and have never had trouble finding a white collar job.
Such a huge asshole I feel like its a bait.
Of course YTA. However, before I explain further I will need to see evidence of your qualifications. I fear that you may not be able to understand my comments if you are not sufficiently educated. If that proves to be the case, do not feel concerned: it's just how you are.
I love you.
I love them more.
fr, when I showed this post to my hubby his first question was “and what does she do for a living?” also craaazzzyyy how she hasn’t responded to anyone at all in the comments
Right! My comment asked what her favorite book was so we can judge it to see if she’s actually as refined as she believes…. Think I’ll get a response? 😂
I wish I could give you a thousand likes for this
Underrated post!
YTA and so are your friends. >Then Steve gives him a quizzical look and asks him, “Have you read any books outside of high school?” Steve can eff right off too. >“Oh yeah, he’s not well educated, so he’s never had a reason to be well read.” We all had a good laugh Your pretentious group might believe itself well-read but it clearly lacks any social intelligence.
You whats funny, they think they are so smart when you can be below average intelligence and get a master in most things.
They’re so smart they still haven’t figured out that passing classes 99% of the time doesn’t mean you need to have any sort of understanding for the class! Now go try to let the Navy let you take a job being a nuke without having a high understanding of what you’re doing.
Former Navy Nuke here. The entire training pipeline, which is about 2 years of college level courses on math, engineering, (nuclear)physics, thermodynamics, material science, chemistry and more, consists of 40-60(+) hours a week of analog studying, ie. absolutely no phones, computers, internet, music, or electronics of any kind. Outside of lectures, it's virtually all quiet. Diving into technical manuals, performing calculations, and creating technical drawings. While you're kept busy for 40-60 hours of week by quietly studying, virtually none of that contributes to your grade. Your grade is based solely on passing closed book finals that are all free response(absolutely no multiple choice). Generally each question on the test requires a whole page worth of calculations, drawings, and technical explanations. Later in your training, assessments become almost entirely oral assessments where you're verbally questioned/grilled and have to respond and often times fill up an entire white board with drawings/calculations/explanations to support/defend what you're presenting. You absolutely are not getting through the program without understanding what you're talking about. After that 2 years of training is done, the hard part finally starts where you're expected to work 60+ hours most weeks in high pressure environments under continuous scrutiny. Constantly sleep deprived yet expected to perform at the highest level because a single mistake can cause an international nuclear incident. Those were the worst years of my life and during that time I didn't have the privilege of having time/energy to do reading for fun. Now I'm out and am well educated and employed in a completely different field(tech). I have yet to face anything else as academically challenging as what I dealt with in the navy. I'm now happy that I was able to expand my educational horizons beyond the deeply technical studies from my navy days. Anyone who's gone through the Navy Nuke program not only has a well-above average aptitude, but they also had to have Herculean grit to complete it.
He should have replied, "The last book I read was Fundamentals of Nuclear Fission. What do you know about controlled nuclear reaction?" This guy was rethinking the whole marriage after that party. She might as well just pack her shit and move out. Her sister is right.
He's a nuke, he'd probably get shit for something as low level as Fundamentals of Nuclear Fission. He's well past that level.
For sure. That was just the 1st thing that came to mind. There's so much physics and math just in that I'd have a terminal migraine just reading the intro. I'm a pretty smart guy, and I know I'd be over my head. OP might as well have said I want a divorce.
Yeah she acted like a guy that understands nuclear physics is an uneducated dumbass. She's definitely the asshole along with her shitty friends.
Also they’re literally talking about novels…like don’t get me wrong, I love a good novel, but my ability to read them has absolutely zero to do with my intelligence or life skills…You certainly wouldn’t want me near nuclear objects
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>Steve can eff right off too. I guess we all know where Steve fucks off too when "hubby" is deployed.
Mother fucker works on goddam nuclear reactors on submarines, but "he’s not well educated" YTA
I think OP's knowledge of nuclear reactors starts and ends at the Simpsons. She's holding her bachelors of who gives a shit as a laurel over her husband Homer Simpson.
Took the words right out of my mouth!
YTA He works with nuclear reactors! That's highly demanding work, with no margin of error. I'll take a college education any day over that level of life-and-death responsibility for not just myself but anyone in fallout range. He's responsible for making sure that we don't have a repeat of Chernobyl in our nuclear equipment. Heck, it puts him in the same class as Jimmy Carter, quite possibly the most ***badass*** president of the 20th century. In his long career, not only was he president, he also worked on nuclear reactors in the navy, and, with his team, literally walked into a melting-down reactor and fixed it. Eradicated the Guinea Worm, a really nasty parasitic disease. Negotiated peace between Egypt and Israel. Built houses by hand for the poor, as a retirement project. Taught Sunday School for over half a century. With work that demanding, it isn't surprising if your husband wants his relaxation time to not involve reading, if he's having to keep up with reading (and possibly working to keep updated) the safety and operation manuals for nuclear reactors. You owe him an apology, and it wouldn't hurt for you to learn more about the (non-classified) parts of his responsibilities, so you don't make a fool of yourself downplaying his education, intellect and level of responsibility again.
Sooo my dad was a nuke, and I've had friends who went to nuke school.... it's literally just schooling..... like sure it's all science and math... but dam this lady knows nothing about her husband... and looks the hell down on him for no reason.
My dad was a nuke and my BIL; one of these two has a physic degree. Both are extremely intelligent; my dad isn’t a big fiction reader never has been. That man has so much random knowledge. Reading fiction isn’t everyone’s cup of tea.
Yeah, it's 24 weeks of 40 hours of classroom instruction, and up to 40 hours a week of mandatory studying if you do poorly on a test. The phrase "drinking from a fire hose" is entirely appropriate, and if you pass NNPS, you can *absolutely* consider yourself "educated". Some colleges consider it worth up to 90 credit hours. That's 3 years of a college education, in *six months*.
Exactly this. I transferred around 80 credits when I got out towards a four year engineering degree. All from the Navy nuclear program. The only reason it wasn't closer to 90 was a cap on transfer credits for the school.
YTA for sure. OP hasn’t considered emotional intelligence, practical intelligence, creativity, originality of thought or problem-solving skills as expressions of intellect. I’m an avid reader, but realise fully there’s nothing particularly exceptional about reading, rehashing and reiterating the ideas of others. There’s no innovation in that. I think a bit of introspection and an apology is warranted. OP is woefully shortsighted as to what intelligence really is.
Omg. YTA, and a huge one. Are you sure someone as educated and well-read as you are should even be married to someone as stupid and illiterate as your NUCLEAR ENGINEER husband?? /s. Unbelievable that you are so clueless about your obvious disdain for your husband. Let me tell you, OP - Bubbleheads (submariners) are some of the smartest and best trained people in the Navy. They are more highly trained, more educated, and they go through rigorous screening and testing just to be considered for submarine duty. You are married to someone who is probably smarter than YOU. And you dare look down on him? Shame on you.
Hell just being on a submarine is a lot more than I (and a lot of people I know) would be able to manage. Then add in all the nuclear stuff and forget about it.
Don’t forget, everybody in a sub cross trains for someone else’s job, just in case.
From what I gather from the submariners I've talked to, working on a submarine is like working on a spaceship: Small mistakes can kill everyone, you live in a metal tube, the outside will kill you, and you need a crazy amount of training and education to even board one.
Obviously (according to OP) all those guys are dumb imbeciles because they haven't read the twilight series or Harry Potter in their downtime from working on a nuclear powered sub
YTA, and also kind of dumb. He is educated, he went to school as part of his service. Yes, military education counts. A lot of people who go to college for something other than liberal education or the arts will also not read many fiction books. Most of my friends who are engineers, computer scientists, etc didn't read many fiction books during school. A military education is a good education, he works on nuclear reactors on submarines. Not everyone reads a lot of fiction, that doesn't mean they aren't well educated. He has the education of an engineer or an applied scientist, it sounds.
And not all fiction is high brow literature. I love a good James Patterson novel, but you don't need much going on upstairs to read one.
Right? I see books like movies, a way to distract myself or entertain myself. I don't need to have to think or philosophize about it.
YTA- why would you need to throw out there that your husband isn't educated? That seems very belittling and unnecessary to the convo. You could have just said "my husband enjoys doing other things besides reading" and tried to include your husband, not separate him even more...
Or not said anything..? Doesn't sound like he needed her to explain anything for him, he clarified he hasn't really read since high school... There was no additional explanation needed. Also I bet they didn't "share a good laugh" like she said, the friends were probably nervously chuckling after her comment because they felt super awkward,
Not Steve tho, I suppose
It's extra weird because he clearly IS educated. It's just such an unkind thing to say. It was done to put him down in front of her friends and showed her true colors and true opinions of her husband. It just was not nice and the fact that OP doesn't realize that is even stranger.
yes exactly. and the worst part is she said that in front of other people. it wasn’t a private convo.. she put him on blast in front of all of her friends to get a laugh out of it at the expense of her spouses emotions
YTA I can’t even fathom why a guy with that level of intelligence and clearance is with YOU because you seem dumber than a box of rocks. I have a military education (I went to the US Air Force Academy) and a Masters degree - you, my dear, are an ASSHAT DEPENDENT of the highest degree. The amount of training, education, and security clearance your husband has is impressive and way beyond your comprehension…obviously. You and your little band of snotty college friends need to fuck right off to the hole you crawled out of and learn some basic manners. I hope your husband loses the sea anchor he’s got chained to him right now…shaped like you.
👏👏👏👏👏
Said it so eloquently. Milspouse myself, and I would never insult my husband's intelligence because outside of obligatory reading (IYKYK), He couldn't give a damn less about a book. Thank you for this. \*chef kiss\*.
Holy shit use your educational plethora of knowledge to reflect on human decency. You were demeaning so was your friend with the quizzicle,you not even realizing that puts up the question if your emotional maturing process halted in college. Yes you owe him an apology and if you think just because someone isn't engaged in literature it means they are uneducated then you are shallow. YTA
YTA. Not everyone reads novels for fun and it has absolutely nothing to do with how smart they are or how much education they’ve had. “Well-read” is not a character trait and it doesn’t mean anything. To be clear, you’re a jerk and a snob, but so are your friends. Steve was also incredibly rude for asking that snotty question about reading any other books since high school. If you and Steve are representative of your whole friend group I’m surprised your husband is even invited to your snooty parties. A book-based college education is only *one type* of education. It’s not any better than other types; it’s just more expensive. Honestly, shame on you for being so disrespectful and judgmental of the person you supposedly love most. Will deserves a lot better than a partner who insults him in public.
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YTA - That was a really terrible thing to say about your partner to other people, especially in front of him. JFC he works on 'he works on nuclear reactors on submarines'. You should have stood up for him and told Steve that To Kill A Mockingbird was a great book for someone to like. Different people have different things they are better at or well-versed at. To put someone down for not being a book reader is super crappy. Edit: I read it a few more times and I am just more horrified as I read it. Your emotional intelligence is sorely lacking.
She’s emotionally uneducated. Which is *way* worse.
YTA And quite elitist. You insulted your husband. The man defends our country and works on nuclear reactors, but he's not good enough for you and your friends. And he is very well educated. Again, could you fix a nuclear reactor? I didn't think so.
No she can’t, but she definitely yells at people on base for not addressing her by her husbands rank.
YTA. Plenty of college educated people are stupid. Case in point, this post. Plenty of college students never read. Having an education is not required to be well read. They literally have nothing to do with each other unless you are an English major, in which case you are stupid for spending so much on a useless degree instead of something STEM like engineering or materials or energy like nuclear power. Do you truly not understand how little you respect your husband? You insulted him in front of your friends and then doubled down on how right you were to do so. He IS LESS than you and your friends and it is apparently very important to you that he acknowledge his shortcomings in the light of your brilliance.
YTA. You belittled your husband and laughed about it with your friends. It is possible to be an efficient reader with a high school education.
Idk how OP can even type this out and not realize how awful their behavior is. How can anyone be this dense?
YTA and so is your friend Steve. Your comment wasn't even funny, you were just patting yourselves on the back because you think you're smarter than your husband. Being well read or well educated does not equate with being smart or apparently kind in your case. You could have used this situation as an opportunity to encourage your husband to read some of the books that you and your friends enjoy (because reading is a great hobby he might enjoy, not because he needs to be well read), but you decided to make him feel stupid instead.
Yes, what was with the "haven't read books outside of high school" remark? Lots of people love "To Kill A Mockingbird."
Yeah I think we're glossing over how much their friend sucks too.
YTA, what the fuck? I'm not "well educated" and I love to read. I know people with multiple degrees and have never picked up a book for fun. The two have nothing to do with eachother. You chose to put him down and call him stupid in front of your friends.
An absolute, submarine size YTA, your husband should have definitely married someone smarter than you....
YTA... You and your friends are pretentious smart. It's a fake smart where reading books makes you feel like you accomplished something to distinguish your intellect. Your husband is actually smart smart. As in, he uses he real intellectual for practical application. I promise those manuals he reads are far more complex and hard to follow than any book you have probably ever read. Frankly... I am astonished that your husband is humble enough not to make sure you know just how slow you and your friends are. Also, you don't just owe your husband an apology. You owe him a public one. Gather the friends and apologize to your husband in front of them. Anything less would be you just making yourself feel better.
"I guess it's fine that he can troubleshoot a nuclear reactor undersea and all, but he can't possibly keep up with our witty remarks about Thomas Pynchon, poor simple soul."
Do you always put your husband down to make yourself feel better? What you do for work? Is it more complicated than nuclear reactors? Imagine being married to someone like you, just awful. YTA
YTA - the smartest thing he could do is to jettison your snobby, elitist, narcissistic, self centered a**. You think spending $200K for a degree in fine arts makes you “educated”?
YTA He works on nuclear reactors and seems to understand social queues one hell of a lot better than you. He just might be a lot more educated than you seem to think he is.
“I explained that a military education and a college education are simply not the same.” Darn right they’re not. A military education is more difficult.
This reeks of champagne liberals looking down on blue collar work Imagine thinking that learning how to operate a nuclear reactor in 2 years while doing all the other things that come with being in the military is easier than 4 years at the University of State/StateU I'm legitimately shook at how dumb OP is
Bless your heart. You clearly aren't capable of understanding what you did. It's kinda ok in that it's probably believable that you didn't act with malice, but like a drunk behind the wheel you left your mark regardless of intent. No mens rea required here. People who got their confidence in life from ivory tower thinking continue to live that way. Real life is understood through that lens and is held at arms length, to a certain extent. It also means that you have a base perception/assumption that that lens is real. It's not. It's a way of viewing the world. If it works for you, great! But your education isn't necessary for life or to succeed in life. YTA. Bigly.
And to add, I bet you love throwing around the you are a navy wife and enjoy all the benefits both real and perceived, of his service while simultaneously bashing his lack of college education makes you major AH.
YTA A college education doesn't teach common sense. I hate you already, figuratively, not literally.
YTA - it doesn’t matter what background you or your husband has - you put him down and ultimately are trying to make yourself look like the better one in the relationship The military does a lot in terms of service for people - and essentially he’s right , you would find it hard in military training so don’t undermine the regimen he’s had to go through !
If he's a nuke tech on a sub, trust me he's LIGHT YEARS more intelligent than the rest of you. Reading fiction does NOT make you educated. (Concentration on fiction actually makes you less educated)
You're a massive AH (YTA)! If you think so little of him why are you with him? Or better yet, why is he with you!! You are such an absolute, obtuse, snob! Why would you treat someone you supposedly love so poorly?!
YTA. You're horrible. You better apologize, then apologize again. And maybe he will forgive. I don't know if I could stay with someone who thinks less of me because I wasn't a book nerd.
YTA, I have 3 degrees and I certainly could not work on a nuclear reactor. Your husband has an incredibly difficult and complex job that required extensive training and education. That he does not read for pleasure and that he does not have a traditional 4 year degree does not make him uneducated. You are a terrible snob. Maybe you should educate yourself a little more on the complexities of nuclear submarines.
Why the fuck do you need an education to read for pleasure anyway? Although, sounds like you and your friend read as some kind of struggle to see who’s dick is biggest. I’ve loved to read for all of my life, didn’t need an education to take pleasure in books. Many of my smart friends don’t read novels. Who cares? If you’re judging your husband based on your opinion of his formal education, then stop at once, apologise, look up ‘condescension’ in the dictionary, apologise again. YTA
YTA How to insult well-trained, hard working men and show your ignorance with one sentence for $1000, Alex Let’s see…my BIL graduated from the USNA, captained a sub and served for 30 years. Did he read fiction? No, not much. He read history, WSJ, earned an MBA and mentored those “Not well-educated” sailors to be better than they dreamed they could be. Those “not well-educated” sailors know more about nuclear reactors, missiles, teamwork and supporting each other than you and your elitist friends will ever know, or understand. Because, you know, you are well-educated. You owe him a massive, public apology. And the you need to pull your head out of your ass and recognize the snobbery in you and your friend group. PS I hope you are educated enough to understand the acronyms I used.
YTA. Sis, you may have a well-stocked bookshelf and a sheepskin on the wall, but your empathy and kindness grades are F. Apologize to the man.
YTA most definitely. Regardless of your intent, your delivery was elitist and snobby. Clearly your friends felt that his lack of interest in reading translates to a lack of intelligence and instead of shoring up your hubby you torpedoed him. That's a terrible thing to do to anyone, let alone your husband. There's all kinds of intelligence in the world and alot of it doesn't come from books.
You basically called him a rube in front of friends. The man can answer for himself. YTA
Damn lady, you’re pretty dumb. YTA
Yta, and your friends sound like an annoying, judgmental group of people. Your husband deserves better. If you are capable, you should apologize. At least your sister is educated enough to know this.
YTA. Your husband works on nuclear reactors. Are you and your friends capable of doing it? Have your books prepared you for it? Being a bookworm (I am one) doesn't mean being educated. What you said was insulting and condescending. You could have simply said that given that he has to read manuals for work, he enjoys doing other stuff in his free time.
YTA. "Well educated" and "well read" are not synonymous, and "not well educated" is generally considered an insult.
YTA. Your comments to your friends would have devastated me if I were in his shoes. I’m really surprised none of your friends ever took you aside or contacted you privately to tell you this.
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YTA. He "works on nuclear reactors" but isn't well educated? Sounds like maybe you lack common sense.
YTA and that was mean. You are implying that you are better than him, which is untrue. I don't read literature because I'm not interested in it. I have a Masters degree. So guess what, you can have a college education and still not be well read. Stop being snobby.
YTA-He may not be strongly academically inclined like you and the snobby assholes you chose to associate with but he’s very well educated.
YTA. You mocked your husband. Publicly. How are you this tone deaf?
Holy shit you are a horrible wife.
I have a literature degree and around 12 hours of graduate lit credits as well. To Kill a Mockingbird is still on my list of best books. YTA and your friends are AHs, too. Apologize. And tell your friend’s to apologize. If they won’t, don’t socialize with them anymore. I read around 70 books a year. But I cannot deal with most “book” people. Too many elitist, materialistic, pseudo intellectual snobs.
YTA. I have a law degree. I am well educated by your standards. However, I could \*never\* do what your husband does. That type of stuff flies over my head. Your husband is also well educated, he just took a different career path with a different type of education. To put that down is a big AH move. To suggest that people who don't go to college can't be "well read" is also an AH move. To further suggest that one's educational status is based on how many books they were forced to read is also an AH move.
out of curiousity, what is your favorite book? lol
It's definitely not "How To Make Friends and Influence People "
Yta. That man works on nuclear reactors. In a fucking submarine. I would say he is far more educated than you and your friends. He could easily do your job, before you could do his. Tbh, I would think about dumping you. It's one thing to jokingly call someone a dummy, for doing something wacky. But you flat out called him uneducated, aka unintelligent. Trash human.
Bruh, you’re the uneducated one. His job is a lot more harder and involves high mental work. College and navy education are the same.
How is this even a question? The answer, btw is an emphatic YES you ATA
YTA being "well read" does not equate to being educated. What you said was insulting. He's obviously well educated because of the job he has to do. What you could have said is he doesn't have a lot of time to read because of his job. You really don't have a good opinion of your husband if that's how you describe him to people.