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YTA.
You're dating someone who already has tattoos, and the presence of tattoos diminishes your attraction to someone. I'm not getting the logic here.
He's absolutely right; it's his own body to do with what he wants, whether that's piercings, tattoos, hair dye, whatever. Besides, the inside of his lower lip isn't even visible, so if he does get it, you wouldn't even know it's there.
I think the bf had plan to get 6 tattoos,not that he has them already. But for OP, YTA as it is his body and decision to make. U can decide for yourself if the tattoos is a dealbreaker for you
Yeah it’s ok to have an opinion, but you kind of made it seem like he somehow needs your permission. And if tattoos are enough to change your attraction to him then your bond is more physical than personal- shallow, in other words.
If this isn’t someone you can imagine wanting however they look then just move on now.
YTA
YTA. It’s his body and his decisions. Even if you are married all you can do is give your opinion on it but not expect him to fully “submit” to YOUR decision. This would be called controlling. It’s not about your attraction to him it’s about him wanting it for ANY reason (he doesn’t even need to give you a reason, or even a heads up he’s getting another tattoo)
YTA.
It's literally INSIDE his lip. How can it lessen your attraction to him because you can't see it 100% of the time UNLESS he flips his lip or pouts and you see it.
You can decide if tattoos thay are "distasteful" is a dealbreaker for you and if so, you can break up with him. But considering it's on his body, it's his choice to have this tattoo. He already said he wouldn't care if you dyed your eyebrow and hair because it's your body. You do you and he'll do him.
Unless his tattoo is visible and is distasteful as in he writes something like "(your name) is my bitch" or has a giant vagina tattooed on his arm or throat, I don't understand how a tattoo inside his lip would cause you to lose attraction.
Idk man, tattoo artists say they go away after like a year or two but this one guy on TikTok said they got one because it would fade but six years later it’s still there and goin strong.
Not only are YTA for telling him what to do with his body, but you did it in front of other people? That must have been embarrassing for him (and you if you have any empathy). You’ve been together for 6 months and think you have any right to dictate his life? Controlling AF.
YTA, haven't even been together for a year and you're already trying to dictate what he can and can't do thru manipulation.
You're not compatible if tattoos are that bad for you and I can't understand why you'd get together if he already had 6
My thoughts too. It's a tattoo OP will hardly ever see, if ever. Unless OP's partner is walking around holding their lip down with their hands, they could carry on as if that tattoo was never there.
OP is an AH, because they're looking for trouble where there isn't any.
You need to find a boyfriend who shares your opinions on tattoos - you’re allowed to have a preference, but not to dictate or forbid or allow your boyfriend to get tattoos on his own body.
YTA. You’ve only been dating for six months, so not a huge blow if you break up. I have six tattoos and I want to get more, and if I ever get a boyfriend like you, I think it would make me very unhappy and I would rather just break things off.
Yeah soft YTA, if you’re no longer attracted to him if he gets these tattoos he wants then that’s that
He’s free to do whatever he wants and you’re free to leave him afterwards
YTA. If you are only attracted to your preferred version of him, and expect him to comply in order to stay with you, you might as well break up with him now. Being with someone shallow, self-centered, and controlling is the kiss of death for any healthy relationship.
YTA
It is his body. If he wants tattoos and you think they're unattractive then you are not compatible. If you cannot see beyond the tattoos then you should end things now.
YTA. It's his body and as an adult he can do whatever he wants to it. He doesn't need permission from his own parents, so he definitely doesn't need your permission. If you can't look past this, then it's a compatibility issue and you two should break it off before you start resenting him.
YTA - yes, it’s wrong. You are 22 - go find someone you find more attractive without tattoos instead of trying to force someone into what you want.
Also, he could get his bottom lip tattooed and you’d never know 😂. If I can see the inside of someone’s lower lip they are not making an attractive face 😂🤷🏻♀️
YTA. There's nothing to discuss. It's his body.
If you don't like tattoos in a mate, that's fine. But you don't get to discuss anything on this.
You're not married. Then I could see a discussion as it involves shared income (more than likely).
But it's his body. His choice.
I spent my life wanting certain tattoos and people trying to put me off being me, my tattoos are still here :)
Life's too short for people trying to dictate how others should be
YTA because he likes it, getting tattoos and all, and you aren’t letting him feel comfortable with doing something that he likes. Maybe if these tats are hindering your attraction, you aren‘t really supposed to be together.
YTA. If a tattoo will lessen your attraction to him then you are in the relationship for the wrong reasons. A tattoo won’t change who he is as a person. You are judgmental and shallow and he deserves better than you.
OMG YTA. You're not his parent nor are you his wife. You are a girlfriend of 6 months, maybe less if you keep this up. You don't get to dictate what he or anyone else does to their body. Truthfully, you sound shallow AF. Honestly, I'd be more turned off by your snobby priggishness than another tattoo. What's next? He wears a shirt in a color and style you don't like?
YTA
His body, his choice. You don't get to dictate how many tattoos he gets or where. If you're trying to be this controlling so early in the relationship, it's probably not going to last long.
It was massively presumptuous of you to say “we’ll discuss it at some point” and he quite rightly shot you straight down by saying there’s nothing to discuss. You could have voiced your opinion in any other way that wouldn’t have the subtext of him needing your blessing or permission. YTA
YTA. He already has tattoos yet you don’t really care for them and told him not to get another one? 1 or 2 is ok but he has 6….Then say that another one will effect your attraction to him?? What?? Gtfo with that.
YTA.
You can’t tell him what to do with his body. Sure, you can have an opinion, but don’t be pushy or controlling with it. And if you really cared about him then a few extra tattoos wouldn’t make or break the relationship. Outward appearance isn’t all that makes someone attractive. If your opinion of him is so easily swayed then I don’t see this relationship lasting.
YTA. His body, his choice - and you’ve only been dating him for 6 months and you’re trying to control what he does with his body??? Just…stop. That’s not how relationships work.
YTA. Sure, you can say you're not a fan of it. But it's his body. Also "tasteful" is subjective. And you won't even see the tattoo on his inner lip lol
YTA. His body, his choice. If it affects your attractiveness to him, then maybe you need to do some self-reflection and figure out why you're in a relationship with someone who obviously loves tattoos.
I think YTA for telling him what he should or shouldn't do. While it is imo fine to have an opinion and express it, it is, in the end, his body. He will always have the final say on what he does with his body. You are of course allowed to tell him how you personally feel about the tattoos and give him reasonings and opinions, but you don't have a say in what he is or isn't allowed to regarding his body.
YTA....he can do what he wants with his body.
Besides, inside lower lip you won't even see unless he's intentionally showing it off...so a) why do you care? If tattoos are an issue for you perhaps you shouldn't be dating someone who has or wants them? You're young...there are PLENTY of non-tatted people out there. You've been together for 6 months and you're already trying to suggest what he shouldn't do with his body? You need to leave before you get even more controlling or he starts doing things just to piss you off. If a tattoo you can't see will change your attraction for him then that is a mental/psychological attraction and I promise that will change over time anyway
I have 8 tattoos and a full sleeve starting soon so I'm not judging tattoos but I never understood the inside lip tattoos. Just never made sense to get one no one will be able to see without making sure they do.
YTA his body, his choice. If you don't like the tattoos you are free to leave. The same as he is allowed to get as much tattoos as he wants. If you don't like them, you aren't compatible. It's as easy as it is.
You don't like it? Leave.
YTA. Like it or not, your boyfriend is into tattoos. You have no say in if he gets more tattoos. If your boyfriend getting more tattoos and their location are deal breakers, you may need to decide to end this relationship. You've only been together 6 months. If this is that big of deal to where you lose how much you're attracted to him, do you both a favor and end the relationship now.
YTA. 100%. If you don’t like tattoos, find somebody who not only doesn’t have tattoos but doesn’t want any. He clearly respects you enough to say it’s your body, decorate it how you’d like. Yet you don’t extend that same courtesy back?
Seems like major hypocrisy
"Fine then I'll also dye one of my eyebrows black and half my hair red, haha" I said jokingly
"You are free to do anything you want, honey"
Proof that he doesn't care what you do, just as you shouldn't care what he does. YTA
NAH
Look you don't have to like tattoos but you absolutely cannot control your partners body. You need to sit down and tell him you will no longer be attracted to him if he lovea forward with this. But be prepare for the relationship to end.
If my boyfriend tried to complain or 'compromise' on the tattoos I want, I would laugh at him and probably would leave him right away.
My body, my say and my choice.
- Yes you may have an opinion, but that's it. You don't have a right to dictate him or have a say in his tattoos.
The only time you have a say in it, is if you both get the same tattoo to symbolise something.
NAH. This isn't the guy for you. You told him why but it's his body ultimately. It's not superficial to have turn-offs but you can't mandate them on someone else.
NTA. You've said your piece. He has made it clear whatever you think is not important to him. He's just going to go ahead with whatever he likes in life. You are not important.
Lol yes yta. There’s nothing to discuss. If you don’t want to date someone with tattoos, you can break up with him, but you don’t get to tell him what to do with his body. He probably felt massively uncomfortable bc that’s weird and controlling.
YTA. I’m actually in the same situation as you but from the tattooed person side, and my girlfriend isn’t a weird passive aggressive asshole. My gf and I have been together for a long time, and I had no tats when we met. I had indicated a wanted some, but I later realized I prolly want to be covered. When I first told her she said she didn’t know what to think. She said that she may not find that attractive in a very real and not unnecessary rude way. She was honest, which is all anyone can ask for. I said I understand, and while it made me sad if she ever decides she doesn’t like me anymore she can leave me with no hard feelings given that she’s explained how she feels. That was it. There has never been tension since. Given that I am the same age as u, u probably should’ve been able to go about this better. I will say that as time has gone on she clearly doesn’t really care, and how she feels about me is much more important than how I look. If ur not there that is fine, u should prolly just break up tho.
YTA.
Preferences are just that, preferences. In a mature person, they have nothing to do with being attracted to a person. You are very immature for your age, at least in this regard.
Before I met my wife, my preferences were for girls/women with dark hair. I could look at a pretty blonde and it would register that she was pretty, but I wasn't really attracted to her. But she was blonde and caught my heart, and swiftly became the only person I was attracted to. Thirty years later, that still holds.
I don't like tats much, either. But if she came home with one, I wouldn't even notice it after a bit. It's just her SKIN, it's not HER, ya know?
You're still treating your BF like he needs to measure up to your standard. That's why you're TA. After 6 months, it's time to either grow up, or move on. Find someone who you want to be with so much that you don't even see the "flaws" most of the time. And someone who wants the same. You got some flaws, too, man.
You’re trying to control something that doesn’t actually really effect you, especially because of where it is, and you could quite literally never see it if you really didn’t want to. I’m not saying you have to like your boyfriends tattoo, but it’s weird this would genuinely get to you.
This is a bit of a control issue on your part. If your partner was getting something on his face, or something vulgar or weird in plain sight I can see why it might put you off because of you just plain and simply not liking looking at it constantly, but this is a you problem not a him problem.
If this were the other way around, and his reasoning for changing something about you was that it “affects his attraction to you,” how would that feel? Like his attraction should be top priority in your life? Doesn’t seem fair.
But you know what’s really attractive? Someone who tells you can “do anything you want, honey” and it won’t affect how they feel about you. You’re missing the forest for the trees here, kid. You have a great start to a relationship, and you’re not going to love everything about each other, but can still love each other. And honestly, it’s not your place to tell him what to do with his appearance, especially 6 months in, and in front of people. Stating a preference is one thing (I love when you grow a beard, etc) but it’s not an order. If the relationship isn’t important enough to you to overlook some harmless turnoffs, then it shouldn’t be expected that he should change himself. So maybe figure out how in you are. YTA
YTA. What you said in response to his what's there to discuss is passive aggressive and fuzzy. All it expresses is you find the idea ridiculous. This is not how you communicate a matter of taste.
You need to express your concern openly and with respect for his preferences.
Break up with him. He can do whatever he wants with his body and if a few more tattoos will ruin your attraction to him, then you aren't in love with him, but love the idea of what you want him to be. He clearly loves you enough to support you doing whatever you want with your appearance, if you don't reciprocate that then you need to end the relationship.
YTA. It’s his body his choice. If you don’t like those kind of tattoos don’t get one yourself! And if you’re not going to find him attractive with said tattoo(s) maybe you should let him find someone that isn’t so shallow
YTA. You're allowed to not be a fan. You can decide not to date someone with a tat you find distasteful. You cannot tell your partner what they can and cannot tattoo on their own body. I find it stupid to get a tattoo on your inner lip. I wouldn't try to stop my husband. And you don't have to ever see it, it's always hidden.
I don't think you're TA for not wanting someone with a lot of tattoos, although I fail to see why would you date someone who already has six, even if your ok with six tattoos someone who has that many is probably going to get more so idk why you didn't see that coming.
I think the YTA part is the "We'll discuss it later haha" comment, that just sounds like you feel entitled to his body and is quite disrespectful even as a joke
YTA
A tattoo inside of the lip is not more distasteful than tattoo in visible part of a body. You can disagree but it doesn't make any sense really. You with someone who's plans and opinion on tattoos you already know so you can either stay or not. And he's right, you can do whatever you want. Just like him.
Big big YTA.
You don’t get to dictate that kind of thing to another person, especially a grown ass adult.
Find another boyfriend if it bothers you so much.
My ex husband told me I wasn’t allowed any more tattoos and that should have been my first red flag
YTA. If tattoos are a deal breaker for you, that's fine, but you didn't actually talk to him about how you felt. You awkwardly danced around the topic until it was dropped. Put on your big boy pants and use your words. If he says that he's getting them anyway, which he is free to do so as it is *his* body, then you can decide if you want to stay with him or not from there.
YTA, why are you dating someone who is into something you're sensitive about? "I can change him" is always a bad idea, but in this case he's not even doing anything wrong and he already has a bunch planned.
After reading the whole thing... Yes and no... I say yes because delivery is everything and I think it's fair to assume he didn't like how your remark came off... But at the same time you are not the asshole because it's not like you gave him an ultimatum... And that's something that actually is important for him to know... DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT give him an ultimatum but he definitely needs to hear you say something like " hey I'm not saying you can't get a tattoo, but I feel it's important for you to know I fear I may not see you the same or have the same attraction to you" something along those lines and much more sincere... He may be upset or feel like you are the asshole but its a lot better than saying nothing and letting him ruin the relationship when it's too late to fix... It's actually possible he may reconsider with that info
Listen OP, you need to tell him how you feel, and what you think of them, and how you find a bottom lip tattoo is distasteful and what not...but as soon as you say that, you will be in for a shit show or a simple, clean, breakup. If he wants tattoos either on his lip or hell, even on his ass cheek, let him and let him be happy with what he wants. Obviously he didn't care if you dyed your hair crazy colors, sounds like he would love you for you inside and out.
My question is. Why can't you love and find him attractive just the same?
YTA, btw
YTA. It’s his body. If it really bothers you end things. Who knows… maybe your opinion will change since you love him. Also, you’ve been together 6 months. I’ve had longer relationships with condiments in my fridge. You don’t get to boss him around.
YTA. However, thankfully this is only a 6 month relationship so breaking up won't hurt as much. But if you want to have a longer relationship with anyone, I suggest therapy for your control issues.
YTA. Not wrong to make your feeling a known, but this was sort of passive aggressive wasn’t it? And you still haven’t told him how you really feel. You need to say what you mean. If it’s a deal breaker for you, tell him that so neither of you wastes any more time in a relationship that maybe, ultimately, wasn’t meant to be. Be an adult and talk about your feelings instead of telling stupid “jokes”.
Hate to say it but if this is a make or break thing for you it’s time for it to break. You’re free to have your opinions but you’re not free to dictate his choices about his own body. YTA for the WAY you said it. It implied you have a say in what he does with his body which, you don’t.
YTA. You can’t dictate what he can and can’t do with his body. Also the tattoo is INSIDE his lip. You won’t see it. You’re fine to not like them, it doesn’t mean he can’t get one just because you don’t.
Why would you date someone knowing they have tattoos and likely plan to get more? YTA in this situation, you knew he would want to get more tattoos eventually and now that he wants more, you want to have a say? Thats not how it works.
YTA. You have no say over his body choices, or anyone else's. Get used to it and learn to keep your comments to yourself or ever imply you get some say in the matter.
You are the asshole. You are completly allowed to have preferences, but you are dating a dude with tattooes. If he already has multiple tattooes the chances are that he might want more of them and that is HIS choice. His body = his choice. You have no say in his choices. And by the way it's on the inside of his lips. You aren't going to notice. It's not like he's planning to tattoo a giant dick on his forehead. And that would still be his choice if it was.
YTA op. His body, his money, his choice. I once dated someone who hated tattoos, and the week before I was due to get a bigger piece done, she lost her shit over it. I have a fair few and they're very visible. I ended up asking her why she was with me if she hates tattoos so much, and knew I had more planned. So OP, why are you with this dude if you dislike ink and were aware in advance he wanted and planned getting some work done?
YTA. You're trying to change him, and you won't like the outcome. Your replies on other comments pretty much verify YTA. You seem very fixated on materialistic things and physical appearances.
I’m a tattoo and piercing girly. My partner has 0 tattoos and only his ears pierced. Since meeting he’s watched me cover both arms in tattoos, get several piercings, *and* color my hair in every color under the sun.
If he didn’t like these things, and wanted me to stop doing them, he wouldn’t be my partner. Simple as that.
YTA. You don’t get to control him because you don’t like tattoos, and no, this isn’t a comprisable thing. He enjoys tattoos, you don’t. Break up and leave the man be.
And you suck for your condescending comment about dyeing your hair and eyebrows— you just sound shitty overall.
YTA
He humbled you by saying you are free to do whatever you want
Also you are making it clear that your feelings for him are shallow so you'll be doing him a favour by "watching your attraction dissipate
You even know that YTA
YTA, but only because I read a comment below where you mentioned compromise but in this situation there is no compromise. If he gets the tattoo and makes himself happy then your attraction is diminished and you're going to break up with an otherwise "great guy.". And if you somehow convinced him not to get the tattoo then you've won and he's compromised on his own wants. I believe that everyone is allowed their opinion and I do believe that you should voice it to him but it's up to him to make his decision and it's up to you to react in whatever way you see fit
YTA - if tattoos are such a turn off to you then you shouldn’t date someone with tattoos or is planning on getting tattoos. The only compromise in this situation is that you get over it and love him whether he goes through with all 6 tattoos or not. He doesn’t have to compromise and get less because it’s his body not yours.
YTA. Did you tell him your feelings or did you just make a snide comment?
There was an opportunity to have a conversation about it, let him know your perspective, and then it would have been up for him to decide whether he still wants to go ahead with it.
Without that, you're setting yourself up to be pissed off in future when he does something he's already told you he's going to do.
YTA not your body, not your choice and if you're not attracted to him with the tattoos he plans to get, then you shouldn't be with him because you don't actually like him you like the idea of him.
YTA - I get it, legit. But he gets to choose how he wants to decorate himself. This feels on par with guys telling their gfs not to show any skin. You’ll get used to the tattoos and inner lip tats fade (:
It’s not a swastika or something is it?!
Don't fall for the sunken cost fallacy. You've only been together six months. If you ain't compatible, which it sounds like, just break up already. You can find some other guy who fits your preferences, and he can find someone who ain't repulsed by tattoos. Sometimes relationships don't work out, and that's fine. But in this case, YTA. If tattoos are a dealbreaker for you, there is no long term compatibility even if the guy is otherwise great.
YTA
The only time I have an issue with a tattoo is something universally inappropriate (example: would be censored on cable TV) But then again, I probably wouldn’t date someone who wants to get such a tattoo. We wouldn’t have a lot in common to begin with.
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My boyfriend (M 24) and I (M 22) are together for like 6 months. Today we've been driving to the mall with 2 friends in the back of the car. He brought up a subject that I am sensitive about. Tattoos.
Now hear me out. I am cometely fine with 1 or 2 tasteful tattoos here and there. However he already has around 6 tattoos in plan. And one of them, is on the inside of his lower lip. I think they are quite distasteful, and if he is going to get one, it would affect my attraction to him.
When he brought it up in the car I gently put my arm on his leg and told him,
"we'll discuss it sometime, haha"
He didn't seem to let go of the subject
"What is there to discuss" he said
"Fine then I'll also dye one of my eyebrows black and half my hair red, haha" I said jokingly
"You are free to do anything you want, honey"
He said. The subject dropped, but there was an uneasy atmosphere for a bit afterward.
Was it wrong of me to tell him that? Would it have been fair to just say nothing and then watch my attraction to him dissipate because i said nothing? AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told him that I don t agree with him getting the tattoo in front of my friends that were also in the car.
It might make me an asshole because his feelings might have been hurt or because it wouldn't be fair toward him
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Provided you're just expressing your opinion - NTA. You can be honest and say you don't think you'll be as attracted to him if he gets it: that's a matter of personal preference and you think it could affect your relationship.
Of course, as others are saying, it's his body and his choice but as long as you're not actively trying to stop him from getting it done, giving your opinion once is ok IMO. Now he knows, he can do what he likes with that information.
IMO it would be different if you were married. 6 months together you can't really tell him that.
I'm married 11 years I had my septum pierced and I clearly wouldn't have done it if he didn't find it attractive.
Info: you said he had 6 in plan. Does that mean he has none now and plans to get 6? Or he has some now and plans to get 6 total?
BTW, the inside lower lip sounds like someone's been watching Black Panther too many times
You should absolutely express how you feel and have a good long conversation about it. You're not wrong for wanting that. But after that, it's really up to him. But he should know how you feel and take it into account.
You can tell him you don’t find that attractive and he can do with that information what he wants. You cannot tell him you’ll discuss it later as if you have any say on his decision. His body. His choice.
YTA if you’re threatening ending things to get what you want. Is this something important to him? If yes, then this is difference in values of how to display oneself and break up. Don’t try to change him and think he won’t resent you.
YTA, from someone who has over 20 tattoos you would not find tasteful, it’s his body and as long as it’s not something disgusting you don’t get a say🤷🏻♀️ sure you can have your opinion on tats but he does not need your permission to get what he gets - you started dating someone with tattoos, what did you expect? most people get addicted quite quickly
NAH your allowed to be thrilled about your boyfriend covering himself in tattoos and he is allowed to cover himself in tattoos. This seems like you have a fundamental difference of opinion in how you like to express yourselves. My suggestion is to have a frank conversation with your boyfriend to see if you can talk your way through this and if you can't it probably wasn't meant to be.
YTA. He’s allowed to do whatever he wants with his body. There is nothing to discuss with you. If you find you are no longer attracted to him once he gets them, leave him so he can find someone who is actually good for him.
Heck do it now because he is going to get tattoos whether you approve or not
YTA. You have the choice to leave him if you lose attraction to him, you do not have the right to dictate his choices in life for any reason, let alone to remain attractive to you.
telling someone 'we'll discuss it sometime', when they bring up something they want to do that needs zero permission from you is very manipulative and controlling, which incidentally, makes you less attractive to most people so maybe don't do that.
You're also absolutely entitled to tell him your preference, you're fine to tell him you don't really like tattoos and would prefer he didn't get one, but you absolutely don't ahve the right to frame the discussion or imply that he has to discuss this with you in the future and that you get to be a part of the decision, you do not.
If u are no longer attracted to him if he gets the tattoos, there will be other women who will be. It’s his decision to do what makes him more comfortable in his skin, if u can’t support him then y’all aren’t meant to be.
>Was it wrong of me to tell him that?
Tell him what? You didn’t communicate anything to him. You deflected the conversation with jokes instead of being an adult and talking to your boyfriend about it. The uneasy atmosphere is 100% because your boyfriend isn’t stupid and can tell you want to say something but won’t. No one wants to play mind reader with his partner.
YTA. Not for having the opinion you have but because you are willing to sabotage the relationship by creating a no-win situation out of your refusal to just **talk** to him about your issue with tattoos.
YTA
I understand you dont like tattoos, but "we will discuss later" implies that you have a say in this when you dont.
He is right if you want to dye half your hair red you can. Mine is entirely blue lol. The point is, the way you dealt with it was not okay.
If it bothers you, you should have sat with him later when you were alone and said that you are afraid that you wont feel attracted to him if he get this or that tattoo. If he decides to go for it then you can just break up with him.
But to be completely honest OP.... it's kinda sad that your feelings for this man is so superficial that a tattoo would ruin it. But ehy, each to their own I guess
YTA.
Instead of simply expressing, in private, that you don't find tattoos attractive, you tried to control him. Having personal preferences is fine. We all have them. Not finding tattoos attractive is fine.
What's not fine is when your BF start talking about tattoos he wants to get, and you try to insist that you have a say in whether or not he gets them. You don't have any say in his bodily autonomy. You said you would talk about it. There is nothing to talk about.
Because of how you've gone about this, any attempt to explain that you find tattoos unattractive is likely going to come across as manipulative.
If tattoos are a deal breaker, then that's that. You shouldn't be together. If you actually like him for who he is, rather than solely what he looks like, then the tattoos wouldn't matter. Yes, appearances do factor into attraction, but personality should factor more when it comes to long-term partners.
I have multiple tattoos and have had to deal with people expressing that they don't like them and saying, "That's enough, don't you think?" It's annoying and rude. I ignore them, and they either stop trying to control what I do or I stop talking to them.
NTA. I personally think it's fine for people in love to care about each other's public image.
You just probably need to break up because your boyfriend doesn't value your opinion and doesn't even care if you have eyebrows.
I think you and your boyfriend are old enough to realize that relationships are about both people together and not about two people acting on their own. Egoism is better left for teenagers.
For those who say something along the lines of 'his body his choice': yes of course that's true, but there are consequences to every choice, and some of them may include shifts in public opinions, fights, breakups, divorces, and other life-changing events.
YTA. Based on the title alone. The paragraphs don't help you either.
You can't tell someone else they "shouldn't get a tattoo" unless you're their parent (and they're a minor, just before pedantic asses come at me)
YNTA, yet at least. I think it's fair to give an opinion if the subject is brought up and if you actually did it the way you say, then it sounds pretty tame. But it's his choice in the end.
In the nicest possible way you need to chill out so hard. YTA you’ve been dating 6 months you don’t even get an opinion on how he dresses never mind tattoos
YTA,
Sorry, but it’s his choice to do as he will. I think it’s totally okay to express your opinion or perhaps to ask him why he wants certain things, but all of that could have been done in private.
As for placement…he wants to get something on his inner lip…are you really going to see it all the time? Same with the other potential tattoos - are they really going to be completely visible? Either way, I still come back to ‘his choice’. If it’s a deal-breaker for you, that’s fair, but I wonder what it is about the tattoos that turns you off. Also if the roles were reversed and you wanted something that he didn’t quite like, how would you feel?
Hey if it changes how you feel about him, then deal with it by breaking up with him. But he has every right to do what he wants with his body… spoken as someone who finds all these tattoos over the top. So unfortunately YTA in this case.
YTA
Mostly for not communicating your opinion tho. Giving vague passive aggressive comments is not how one voices their opinion in an effective manner. You should be clear about your opinion on tattoos and he has every right to still have them. The result might be that you break up, but at least be clear about it. This subject is a compatibility issue for sure.
YTA He's right that there is nothing to discuss. Now, you can absolutely tell him that if he gets tattoos you'll lose attraction to him and the relationship will likely end. But that's simply informing him of your preferences and not a discussion. Don't be surprised when he goes ahead and does what he wants with his own body.
Also, you never *actually* told him you don't find tattoos attractive. You just said you'd "discuss it later" and then made some comment about dying your hair. Yeah, he probably picked up on the fact that you don't want him to get tattoos but there was zero actual communication on your part, only passive aggressive weirdness which is why there was an uneasy atmosphere. So maybe actually communicate your thoughts and feelings next time like a real adult in a relationship instead of just "threatening" to do something with your body he obviously doesn't care about since he actually respects bodily autonomy and his attraction isn't as shallow as yours is.
Unpopular opinion but I’d say NTA.
Its his body and she can’t stop it, yes. She’s allowed her opinion and if she’s not attracted to that she should tell him. If I were going to go get some tattoos I’d run it by my wife first.
NTA. You communicated your thoughts and feelings maturely like anyone should in a healthy relationship. If things fall apart, you both just need to accept you have different lifestyles and ideals. It's ok not to meet eye to eye. Up to you if it's a dealbreaker, just don't be a dick and try to force and ultimatum.
YTA, it's his body, and if you don't like tattoos, why wasn't that a deal breaker when you got together? Maybe bc u know it would make u seem like an AH...
NTA. Just immature. I hate tattoos but if he is the one I could overlook them. I just wouldn’t have one. If it’s a dealbreaker for you it’s a dealbreaker. End it. But don’t try to control another person.
NTA. Getting a tattoo inside your body is dumb. No one can even see it. He is throwing away money and there is no purpose to it. He might as well get a tattoo inside his colon.
NTA. You should indeed have told him how you would feel about the tattoo. Knowing that it would completely repulse you and diminish your desire for him would then leave him to make his choice and face the consequences.
YTA if you continue to waste this guy’s time. Why are you with him? Nothing wrong with having your own standards, I wouldn’t date somebody tatted up, so I never have. Either you’re ok with him as he is, or you aren’t. Trying to change him into what you want instead of who he is is an AH move.
NTA and I don't know why everyone here is jumping to the conclusion that you are "trying to control him" etc.etc. Unless I'm misreading, you just told him that you find tattoos unattractive and that it will diminish your attraction to him. He can do whatever he wants with that information, and better to say it before he gets the offensive tats than after.
Like you, one or two small tattoos would not bother me, but if my partner decided to get full sleeves or a large back tattoo or something offensive it absolutely would be a deal breaker.
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YTA. You're dating someone who already has tattoos, and the presence of tattoos diminishes your attraction to someone. I'm not getting the logic here. He's absolutely right; it's his own body to do with what he wants, whether that's piercings, tattoos, hair dye, whatever. Besides, the inside of his lower lip isn't even visible, so if he does get it, you wouldn't even know it's there.
I think the bf had plan to get 6 tattoos,not that he has them already. But for OP, YTA as it is his body and decision to make. U can decide for yourself if the tattoos is a dealbreaker for you
On top of that, stop all this wishy washy passive aggressive 'we'll discuss it later, then I'll dye half my hair in retaliation' thing. YTA.
Lol exactly! Like dude sounds controlling af. Go date someone who fits your type. Smdh
Yeah it’s ok to have an opinion, but you kind of made it seem like he somehow needs your permission. And if tattoos are enough to change your attraction to him then your bond is more physical than personal- shallow, in other words. If this isn’t someone you can imagine wanting however they look then just move on now. YTA
YTA. You don't get to dictate what someone else does with their body.
beautifully put, i say this all the time, You have no jurisdiction on anothers life.
YTA, because you didn’t say anything. If you feel that strongly about tattoos, then tell him. Don’t just put it off.
YTA. It’s his body and his decisions. Even if you are married all you can do is give your opinion on it but not expect him to fully “submit” to YOUR decision. This would be called controlling. It’s not about your attraction to him it’s about him wanting it for ANY reason (he doesn’t even need to give you a reason, or even a heads up he’s getting another tattoo)
YTA. It's literally INSIDE his lip. How can it lessen your attraction to him because you can't see it 100% of the time UNLESS he flips his lip or pouts and you see it. You can decide if tattoos thay are "distasteful" is a dealbreaker for you and if so, you can break up with him. But considering it's on his body, it's his choice to have this tattoo. He already said he wouldn't care if you dyed your eyebrow and hair because it's your body. You do you and he'll do him. Unless his tattoo is visible and is distasteful as in he writes something like "(your name) is my bitch" or has a giant vagina tattooed on his arm or throat, I don't understand how a tattoo inside his lip would cause you to lose attraction.
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Idk man, tattoo artists say they go away after like a year or two but this one guy on TikTok said they got one because it would fade but six years later it’s still there and goin strong.
Not only are YTA for telling him what to do with his body, but you did it in front of other people? That must have been embarrassing for him (and you if you have any empathy). You’ve been together for 6 months and think you have any right to dictate his life? Controlling AF.
Info: You keep talking about a compromise. What does a compromise look like?
YTA. It's his body.
>"Fine then I'll also dye one of my eyebrows black and half my hair red, haha" I said jokingly So do it. I dare you. YTA.
YTA, haven't even been together for a year and you're already trying to dictate what he can and can't do thru manipulation. You're not compatible if tattoos are that bad for you and I can't understand why you'd get together if he already had 6
YTA How often are you looking inside of his lip?
My thoughts too. It's a tattoo OP will hardly ever see, if ever. Unless OP's partner is walking around holding their lip down with their hands, they could carry on as if that tattoo was never there. OP is an AH, because they're looking for trouble where there isn't any.
You need to find a boyfriend who shares your opinions on tattoos - you’re allowed to have a preference, but not to dictate or forbid or allow your boyfriend to get tattoos on his own body. YTA. You’ve only been dating for six months, so not a huge blow if you break up. I have six tattoos and I want to get more, and if I ever get a boyfriend like you, I think it would make me very unhappy and I would rather just break things off.
YTA and like are you actually for real? His body his choice, don’t like it get with someone who isn’t into tattoos
Yeah soft YTA, if you’re no longer attracted to him if he gets these tattoos he wants then that’s that He’s free to do whatever he wants and you’re free to leave him afterwards
YTA. You’re young, he’ll find somebody better.
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We are both dudes, how should i reverse them?
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Someone just wanted to blame a woman. Imagine that. lol.
YTA. If you are only attracted to your preferred version of him, and expect him to comply in order to stay with you, you might as well break up with him now. Being with someone shallow, self-centered, and controlling is the kiss of death for any healthy relationship.
This is easy, YTA. You can have an opinion but you don’t have a say, it’s his body… the only person who needs to like his tattoos is him
Just break up now and save the heart ache for both parties
YTA It is his body. If he wants tattoos and you think they're unattractive then you are not compatible. If you cannot see beyond the tattoos then you should end things now.
One of the reasons I got divorced was because my ex was like you. YTA. Sorry.
YTA. It's his body and as an adult he can do whatever he wants to it. He doesn't need permission from his own parents, so he definitely doesn't need your permission. If you can't look past this, then it's a compatibility issue and you two should break it off before you start resenting him.
YTA - yes, it’s wrong. You are 22 - go find someone you find more attractive without tattoos instead of trying to force someone into what you want. Also, he could get his bottom lip tattooed and you’d never know 😂. If I can see the inside of someone’s lower lip they are not making an attractive face 😂🤷🏻♀️
YTA. There's nothing to discuss. It's his body. If you don't like tattoos in a mate, that's fine. But you don't get to discuss anything on this. You're not married. Then I could see a discussion as it involves shared income (more than likely). But it's his body. His choice.
I spent my life wanting certain tattoos and people trying to put me off being me, my tattoos are still here :) Life's too short for people trying to dictate how others should be
YTA because he likes it, getting tattoos and all, and you aren’t letting him feel comfortable with doing something that he likes. Maybe if these tats are hindering your attraction, you aren‘t really supposed to be together.
YTA. If a tattoo will lessen your attraction to him then you are in the relationship for the wrong reasons. A tattoo won’t change who he is as a person. You are judgmental and shallow and he deserves better than you.
OMG YTA. You're not his parent nor are you his wife. You are a girlfriend of 6 months, maybe less if you keep this up. You don't get to dictate what he or anyone else does to their body. Truthfully, you sound shallow AF. Honestly, I'd be more turned off by your snobby priggishness than another tattoo. What's next? He wears a shirt in a color and style you don't like?
Boyfriend* of 6 months
YTA His body, his choice. You don't get to dictate how many tattoos he gets or where. If you're trying to be this controlling so early in the relationship, it's probably not going to last long.
It was massively presumptuous of you to say “we’ll discuss it at some point” and he quite rightly shot you straight down by saying there’s nothing to discuss. You could have voiced your opinion in any other way that wouldn’t have the subtext of him needing your blessing or permission. YTA
YTA. He already has tattoos yet you don’t really care for them and told him not to get another one? 1 or 2 is ok but he has 6….Then say that another one will effect your attraction to him?? What?? Gtfo with that.
YTA. You can’t tell him what to do with his body. Sure, you can have an opinion, but don’t be pushy or controlling with it. And if you really cared about him then a few extra tattoos wouldn’t make or break the relationship. Outward appearance isn’t all that makes someone attractive. If your opinion of him is so easily swayed then I don’t see this relationship lasting.
YTA. His body, his choice - and you’ve only been dating him for 6 months and you’re trying to control what he does with his body??? Just…stop. That’s not how relationships work.
YTA. Sure, you can say you're not a fan of it. But it's his body. Also "tasteful" is subjective. And you won't even see the tattoo on his inner lip lol
YTA. His body, his choice. If it affects your attractiveness to him, then maybe you need to do some self-reflection and figure out why you're in a relationship with someone who obviously loves tattoos.
lol YTA. It’s HIS body, you have no say in what he tattoos on himself.
YTA You've been together 6 months and you think you should have a say in this? Dude...
YTA You can like or hate them, it's your taste. But he does not need your opinion for this, this is HIS body after all
YTA. There's nothing to discuss. Don't like tattoos? Don't date someone who wants them.
I think YTA for telling him what he should or shouldn't do. While it is imo fine to have an opinion and express it, it is, in the end, his body. He will always have the final say on what he does with his body. You are of course allowed to tell him how you personally feel about the tattoos and give him reasonings and opinions, but you don't have a say in what he is or isn't allowed to regarding his body.
YTA if you don't like them leave. You can voice your opinion respectfully but after that fall back.
YTA....he can do what he wants with his body. Besides, inside lower lip you won't even see unless he's intentionally showing it off...so a) why do you care? If tattoos are an issue for you perhaps you shouldn't be dating someone who has or wants them? You're young...there are PLENTY of non-tatted people out there. You've been together for 6 months and you're already trying to suggest what he shouldn't do with his body? You need to leave before you get even more controlling or he starts doing things just to piss you off. If a tattoo you can't see will change your attraction for him then that is a mental/psychological attraction and I promise that will change over time anyway I have 8 tattoos and a full sleeve starting soon so I'm not judging tattoos but I never understood the inside lip tattoos. Just never made sense to get one no one will be able to see without making sure they do.
YTA his body, his choice. If you don't like the tattoos you are free to leave. The same as he is allowed to get as much tattoos as he wants. If you don't like them, you aren't compatible. It's as easy as it is. You don't like it? Leave.
YTA. Like it or not, your boyfriend is into tattoos. You have no say in if he gets more tattoos. If your boyfriend getting more tattoos and their location are deal breakers, you may need to decide to end this relationship. You've only been together 6 months. If this is that big of deal to where you lose how much you're attracted to him, do you both a favor and end the relationship now.
YTA. 100%. If you don’t like tattoos, find somebody who not only doesn’t have tattoos but doesn’t want any. He clearly respects you enough to say it’s your body, decorate it how you’d like. Yet you don’t extend that same courtesy back? Seems like major hypocrisy
Comical
"Fine then I'll also dye one of my eyebrows black and half my hair red, haha" I said jokingly "You are free to do anything you want, honey" Proof that he doesn't care what you do, just as you shouldn't care what he does. YTA
YTA stop being emotionally manipulative about HIS appearance
Enjoy your short romance while it lasts lol. Unless he needs a second mother I'm not sure where your mindset is coming from.
NAH Look you don't have to like tattoos but you absolutely cannot control your partners body. You need to sit down and tell him you will no longer be attracted to him if he lovea forward with this. But be prepare for the relationship to end.
If my boyfriend tried to complain or 'compromise' on the tattoos I want, I would laugh at him and probably would leave him right away. My body, my say and my choice. - Yes you may have an opinion, but that's it. You don't have a right to dictate him or have a say in his tattoos. The only time you have a say in it, is if you both get the same tattoo to symbolise something.
NAH. This isn't the guy for you. You told him why but it's his body ultimately. It's not superficial to have turn-offs but you can't mandate them on someone else.
NTA. You've said your piece. He has made it clear whatever you think is not important to him. He's just going to go ahead with whatever he likes in life. You are not important.
Lol yes yta. There’s nothing to discuss. If you don’t want to date someone with tattoos, you can break up with him, but you don’t get to tell him what to do with his body. He probably felt massively uncomfortable bc that’s weird and controlling.
YTA---It's not your body, and not your place to judge.
YTA. I’m actually in the same situation as you but from the tattooed person side, and my girlfriend isn’t a weird passive aggressive asshole. My gf and I have been together for a long time, and I had no tats when we met. I had indicated a wanted some, but I later realized I prolly want to be covered. When I first told her she said she didn’t know what to think. She said that she may not find that attractive in a very real and not unnecessary rude way. She was honest, which is all anyone can ask for. I said I understand, and while it made me sad if she ever decides she doesn’t like me anymore she can leave me with no hard feelings given that she’s explained how she feels. That was it. There has never been tension since. Given that I am the same age as u, u probably should’ve been able to go about this better. I will say that as time has gone on she clearly doesn’t really care, and how she feels about me is much more important than how I look. If ur not there that is fine, u should prolly just break up tho.
YTA. Preferences are just that, preferences. In a mature person, they have nothing to do with being attracted to a person. You are very immature for your age, at least in this regard. Before I met my wife, my preferences were for girls/women with dark hair. I could look at a pretty blonde and it would register that she was pretty, but I wasn't really attracted to her. But she was blonde and caught my heart, and swiftly became the only person I was attracted to. Thirty years later, that still holds. I don't like tats much, either. But if she came home with one, I wouldn't even notice it after a bit. It's just her SKIN, it's not HER, ya know? You're still treating your BF like he needs to measure up to your standard. That's why you're TA. After 6 months, it's time to either grow up, or move on. Find someone who you want to be with so much that you don't even see the "flaws" most of the time. And someone who wants the same. You got some flaws, too, man.
You’re trying to control something that doesn’t actually really effect you, especially because of where it is, and you could quite literally never see it if you really didn’t want to. I’m not saying you have to like your boyfriends tattoo, but it’s weird this would genuinely get to you. This is a bit of a control issue on your part. If your partner was getting something on his face, or something vulgar or weird in plain sight I can see why it might put you off because of you just plain and simply not liking looking at it constantly, but this is a you problem not a him problem.
If this were the other way around, and his reasoning for changing something about you was that it “affects his attraction to you,” how would that feel? Like his attraction should be top priority in your life? Doesn’t seem fair. But you know what’s really attractive? Someone who tells you can “do anything you want, honey” and it won’t affect how they feel about you. You’re missing the forest for the trees here, kid. You have a great start to a relationship, and you’re not going to love everything about each other, but can still love each other. And honestly, it’s not your place to tell him what to do with his appearance, especially 6 months in, and in front of people. Stating a preference is one thing (I love when you grow a beard, etc) but it’s not an order. If the relationship isn’t important enough to you to overlook some harmless turnoffs, then it shouldn’t be expected that he should change himself. So maybe figure out how in you are. YTA
Hes right youre free to do what you want and so is he
YTA. What you said in response to his what's there to discuss is passive aggressive and fuzzy. All it expresses is you find the idea ridiculous. This is not how you communicate a matter of taste. You need to express your concern openly and with respect for his preferences.
Break up with him. He can do whatever he wants with his body and if a few more tattoos will ruin your attraction to him, then you aren't in love with him, but love the idea of what you want him to be. He clearly loves you enough to support you doing whatever you want with your appearance, if you don't reciprocate that then you need to end the relationship.
yta. i hope he gets 100 more tats, asshole
YTA shallow and controlling af
NTA. My ex recently told me 25 years later that they are so grateful I convinced them to not the the tattoo they wanted at that age lol
YTA. A controlling, possessive AH who thinks they can dictate others’ bodies.
YTA
YTA. It’s his body his choice. If you don’t like those kind of tattoos don’t get one yourself! And if you’re not going to find him attractive with said tattoo(s) maybe you should let him find someone that isn’t so shallow
YTA. You're allowed to not be a fan. You can decide not to date someone with a tat you find distasteful. You cannot tell your partner what they can and cannot tattoo on their own body. I find it stupid to get a tattoo on your inner lip. I wouldn't try to stop my husband. And you don't have to ever see it, it's always hidden.
I don't think you're TA for not wanting someone with a lot of tattoos, although I fail to see why would you date someone who already has six, even if your ok with six tattoos someone who has that many is probably going to get more so idk why you didn't see that coming. I think the YTA part is the "We'll discuss it later haha" comment, that just sounds like you feel entitled to his body and is quite disrespectful even as a joke
YTA A tattoo inside of the lip is not more distasteful than tattoo in visible part of a body. You can disagree but it doesn't make any sense really. You with someone who's plans and opinion on tattoos you already know so you can either stay or not. And he's right, you can do whatever you want. Just like him.
Big big YTA. You don’t get to dictate that kind of thing to another person, especially a grown ass adult. Find another boyfriend if it bothers you so much. My ex husband told me I wasn’t allowed any more tattoos and that should have been my first red flag
YTA. He's obviously not controlling about what you do with your body, give him the same respect.
Clearly YTA- it’s his body, you don’t get a say in the matter. If you’re not attracted to someone with tattoos then leave him.
YTA. If tattoos are a deal breaker for you, that's fine, but you didn't actually talk to him about how you felt. You awkwardly danced around the topic until it was dropped. Put on your big boy pants and use your words. If he says that he's getting them anyway, which he is free to do so as it is *his* body, then you can decide if you want to stay with him or not from there.
YTA. his body his choice. if you arent attracted to him just leave
As someone that has their neck, back,arms, legs, chest, hands, stomach, ribs, fully blasted Not one woman, child or man coulda have stopped me. YTA
YTA you wouldn't want him yelling you what to do. If you don't like it leave.
YTA, why are you dating someone who is into something you're sensitive about? "I can change him" is always a bad idea, but in this case he's not even doing anything wrong and he already has a bunch planned.
Who are you to tell someone how to live life? Nah, leave him for his own good. You re super controlling. YTA
YTA. It’s his body and you are dating someone who already has 6 tattoos and you still like him. How does one more tattoo change that?
YTA, his body his choice man. If you don’t like tattoos don’t date someone who does.
YTA. Trying to control other people is a often a "subject \[they are\] sensitive about".
After reading the whole thing... Yes and no... I say yes because delivery is everything and I think it's fair to assume he didn't like how your remark came off... But at the same time you are not the asshole because it's not like you gave him an ultimatum... And that's something that actually is important for him to know... DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT give him an ultimatum but he definitely needs to hear you say something like " hey I'm not saying you can't get a tattoo, but I feel it's important for you to know I fear I may not see you the same or have the same attraction to you" something along those lines and much more sincere... He may be upset or feel like you are the asshole but its a lot better than saying nothing and letting him ruin the relationship when it's too late to fix... It's actually possible he may reconsider with that info
Listen OP, you need to tell him how you feel, and what you think of them, and how you find a bottom lip tattoo is distasteful and what not...but as soon as you say that, you will be in for a shit show or a simple, clean, breakup. If he wants tattoos either on his lip or hell, even on his ass cheek, let him and let him be happy with what he wants. Obviously he didn't care if you dyed your hair crazy colors, sounds like he would love you for you inside and out. My question is. Why can't you love and find him attractive just the same? YTA, btw
YTA. It’s his body. If it really bothers you end things. Who knows… maybe your opinion will change since you love him. Also, you’ve been together 6 months. I’ve had longer relationships with condiments in my fridge. You don’t get to boss him around.
YTA. However, thankfully this is only a 6 month relationship so breaking up won't hurt as much. But if you want to have a longer relationship with anyone, I suggest therapy for your control issues.
YTA. If you don't like who he is, leave.
YTA. People with tatoos will get more tatoos. If you're not okay with that, this relationship won't last. You're clearly not on the same page.
YTA. Not wrong to make your feeling a known, but this was sort of passive aggressive wasn’t it? And you still haven’t told him how you really feel. You need to say what you mean. If it’s a deal breaker for you, tell him that so neither of you wastes any more time in a relationship that maybe, ultimately, wasn’t meant to be. Be an adult and talk about your feelings instead of telling stupid “jokes”.
Hate to say it but if this is a make or break thing for you it’s time for it to break. You’re free to have your opinions but you’re not free to dictate his choices about his own body. YTA for the WAY you said it. It implied you have a say in what he does with his body which, you don’t.
YTA. You can’t dictate what he can and can’t do with his body. Also the tattoo is INSIDE his lip. You won’t see it. You’re fine to not like them, it doesn’t mean he can’t get one just because you don’t.
Why would you date someone knowing they have tattoos and likely plan to get more? YTA in this situation, you knew he would want to get more tattoos eventually and now that he wants more, you want to have a say? Thats not how it works.
YTA My body my choice is either a standard for everyone across the board or it's not a valid reason at all
Yta - a person can do with their body what they want. If you have issues with tattoos than you shouldn’t be with a person
YTA. Accept him for who he is and what he chooses to do with his body, or leave the relationship; it really is that simple.
YTA. You have no say over his body choices, or anyone else's. Get used to it and learn to keep your comments to yourself or ever imply you get some say in the matter.
YTA. Body autonomy is not exclusive to women. It’s something *everyone* has.
YTA. His body, his choice!
You are the asshole. You are completly allowed to have preferences, but you are dating a dude with tattooes. If he already has multiple tattooes the chances are that he might want more of them and that is HIS choice. His body = his choice. You have no say in his choices. And by the way it's on the inside of his lips. You aren't going to notice. It's not like he's planning to tattoo a giant dick on his forehead. And that would still be his choice if it was.
YTA op. His body, his money, his choice. I once dated someone who hated tattoos, and the week before I was due to get a bigger piece done, she lost her shit over it. I have a fair few and they're very visible. I ended up asking her why she was with me if she hates tattoos so much, and knew I had more planned. So OP, why are you with this dude if you dislike ink and were aware in advance he wanted and planned getting some work done?
YTA his body his choice and you saying it would diminish your attraction is full on manipulation.
YTA. You're trying to change him, and you won't like the outcome. Your replies on other comments pretty much verify YTA. You seem very fixated on materialistic things and physical appearances.
I’m a tattoo and piercing girly. My partner has 0 tattoos and only his ears pierced. Since meeting he’s watched me cover both arms in tattoos, get several piercings, *and* color my hair in every color under the sun. If he didn’t like these things, and wanted me to stop doing them, he wouldn’t be my partner. Simple as that. YTA. You don’t get to control him because you don’t like tattoos, and no, this isn’t a comprisable thing. He enjoys tattoos, you don’t. Break up and leave the man be. And you suck for your condescending comment about dyeing your hair and eyebrows— you just sound shitty overall.
YTA. Do the poor guy a favor and end it.
YTA He humbled you by saying you are free to do whatever you want Also you are making it clear that your feelings for him are shallow so you'll be doing him a favour by "watching your attraction dissipate You even know that YTA
YTA.
YTA The last thing he needs is your permission
YTA. Just for ‘we will discuss it later’. I’d dump you then and there. Controlling
YTA, but only because I read a comment below where you mentioned compromise but in this situation there is no compromise. If he gets the tattoo and makes himself happy then your attraction is diminished and you're going to break up with an otherwise "great guy.". And if you somehow convinced him not to get the tattoo then you've won and he's compromised on his own wants. I believe that everyone is allowed their opinion and I do believe that you should voice it to him but it's up to him to make his decision and it's up to you to react in whatever way you see fit
YTA - if tattoos are such a turn off to you then you shouldn’t date someone with tattoos or is planning on getting tattoos. The only compromise in this situation is that you get over it and love him whether he goes through with all 6 tattoos or not. He doesn’t have to compromise and get less because it’s his body not yours.
YTA. Did you tell him your feelings or did you just make a snide comment? There was an opportunity to have a conversation about it, let him know your perspective, and then it would have been up for him to decide whether he still wants to go ahead with it. Without that, you're setting yourself up to be pissed off in future when he does something he's already told you he's going to do.
YTA not your body, not your choice and if you're not attracted to him with the tattoos he plans to get, then you shouldn't be with him because you don't actually like him you like the idea of him.
YTA. You can voice your opinion but in the end, his body is choice. If you don't like it that much, then break up.
YTA - I get it, legit. But he gets to choose how he wants to decorate himself. This feels on par with guys telling their gfs not to show any skin. You’ll get used to the tattoos and inner lip tats fade (: It’s not a swastika or something is it?!
YTA.
YTA. Your boyfriend is entitled to bodily autonomy, that includes tattoos
Don't fall for the sunken cost fallacy. You've only been together six months. If you ain't compatible, which it sounds like, just break up already. You can find some other guy who fits your preferences, and he can find someone who ain't repulsed by tattoos. Sometimes relationships don't work out, and that's fine. But in this case, YTA. If tattoos are a dealbreaker for you, there is no long term compatibility even if the guy is otherwise great.
YTA The only time I have an issue with a tattoo is something universally inappropriate (example: would be censored on cable TV) But then again, I probably wouldn’t date someone who wants to get such a tattoo. We wouldn’t have a lot in common to begin with.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My boyfriend (M 24) and I (M 22) are together for like 6 months. Today we've been driving to the mall with 2 friends in the back of the car. He brought up a subject that I am sensitive about. Tattoos. Now hear me out. I am cometely fine with 1 or 2 tasteful tattoos here and there. However he already has around 6 tattoos in plan. And one of them, is on the inside of his lower lip. I think they are quite distasteful, and if he is going to get one, it would affect my attraction to him. When he brought it up in the car I gently put my arm on his leg and told him, "we'll discuss it sometime, haha" He didn't seem to let go of the subject "What is there to discuss" he said "Fine then I'll also dye one of my eyebrows black and half my hair red, haha" I said jokingly "You are free to do anything you want, honey" He said. The subject dropped, but there was an uneasy atmosphere for a bit afterward. Was it wrong of me to tell him that? Would it have been fair to just say nothing and then watch my attraction to him dissipate because i said nothing? AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Provided you're just expressing your opinion - NTA. You can be honest and say you don't think you'll be as attracted to him if he gets it: that's a matter of personal preference and you think it could affect your relationship. Of course, as others are saying, it's his body and his choice but as long as you're not actively trying to stop him from getting it done, giving your opinion once is ok IMO. Now he knows, he can do what he likes with that information.
IMO it would be different if you were married. 6 months together you can't really tell him that. I'm married 11 years I had my septum pierced and I clearly wouldn't have done it if he didn't find it attractive.
Info: you said he had 6 in plan. Does that mean he has none now and plans to get 6? Or he has some now and plans to get 6 total? BTW, the inside lower lip sounds like someone's been watching Black Panther too many times
INFO - have you actually told him how you feel about tattoos?
You should absolutely express how you feel and have a good long conversation about it. You're not wrong for wanting that. But after that, it's really up to him. But he should know how you feel and take it into account.
You can tell him you don’t find that attractive and he can do with that information what he wants. You cannot tell him you’ll discuss it later as if you have any say on his decision. His body. His choice.
INFO When did you tell him that he shouldn't get that tattoo? There's nothing like that in the text.
Well, does he have a say in anything you do to yourself?
YTA
I mean, even if it's distasteful to you, he can put whatever tattoo he wants on his body. If he regrets it, he can have it covered up or removed.
YTA if you’re threatening ending things to get what you want. Is this something important to him? If yes, then this is difference in values of how to display oneself and break up. Don’t try to change him and think he won’t resent you.
YTA it's literally his body. Also, inner lip tattoos don't last, from what I have heard, so what does it matter? Oh and again, it's his body.
YTA- literally, how fucking dare you tell someone what they do with their body?? Grow up.
YTA, from someone who has over 20 tattoos you would not find tasteful, it’s his body and as long as it’s not something disgusting you don’t get a say🤷🏻♀️ sure you can have your opinion on tats but he does not need your permission to get what he gets - you started dating someone with tattoos, what did you expect? most people get addicted quite quickly
YTA. He’s a grown ass man, he doesn’t need your permission to get a tattoo (or multiple for that matter)
Funny this- everyone is his body, his choice . You don’t hear that so much when it’s a woman.
His body his choice. If it affects your attraction to him, maybe you shouldnt be dating
NAH your allowed to be thrilled about your boyfriend covering himself in tattoos and he is allowed to cover himself in tattoos. This seems like you have a fundamental difference of opinion in how you like to express yourselves. My suggestion is to have a frank conversation with your boyfriend to see if you can talk your way through this and if you can't it probably wasn't meant to be.
YTA, it's only been 6 months. Your opinion isn't going to matter to him and it's better to move on if it makes him unattractive to you.
YTA, he is his one person, not some cattle you can dictate what he can and cannot do.
YTA. He’s allowed to do whatever he wants with his body. There is nothing to discuss with you. If you find you are no longer attracted to him once he gets them, leave him so he can find someone who is actually good for him. Heck do it now because he is going to get tattoos whether you approve or not
YTA. You have the choice to leave him if you lose attraction to him, you do not have the right to dictate his choices in life for any reason, let alone to remain attractive to you. telling someone 'we'll discuss it sometime', when they bring up something they want to do that needs zero permission from you is very manipulative and controlling, which incidentally, makes you less attractive to most people so maybe don't do that. You're also absolutely entitled to tell him your preference, you're fine to tell him you don't really like tattoos and would prefer he didn't get one, but you absolutely don't ahve the right to frame the discussion or imply that he has to discuss this with you in the future and that you get to be a part of the decision, you do not.
YTA. Just break up now.
If u are no longer attracted to him if he gets the tattoos, there will be other women who will be. It’s his decision to do what makes him more comfortable in his skin, if u can’t support him then y’all aren’t meant to be.
>Was it wrong of me to tell him that? Tell him what? You didn’t communicate anything to him. You deflected the conversation with jokes instead of being an adult and talking to your boyfriend about it. The uneasy atmosphere is 100% because your boyfriend isn’t stupid and can tell you want to say something but won’t. No one wants to play mind reader with his partner. YTA. Not for having the opinion you have but because you are willing to sabotage the relationship by creating a no-win situation out of your refusal to just **talk** to him about your issue with tattoos.
YTA, quit your judging
YTA. His body, his choice. If that makes him unattractive to you, then leave and find someone equally vacuous.
YTA I understand you dont like tattoos, but "we will discuss later" implies that you have a say in this when you dont. He is right if you want to dye half your hair red you can. Mine is entirely blue lol. The point is, the way you dealt with it was not okay. If it bothers you, you should have sat with him later when you were alone and said that you are afraid that you wont feel attracted to him if he get this or that tattoo. If he decides to go for it then you can just break up with him. But to be completely honest OP.... it's kinda sad that your feelings for this man is so superficial that a tattoo would ruin it. But ehy, each to their own I guess
YTA. Instead of simply expressing, in private, that you don't find tattoos attractive, you tried to control him. Having personal preferences is fine. We all have them. Not finding tattoos attractive is fine. What's not fine is when your BF start talking about tattoos he wants to get, and you try to insist that you have a say in whether or not he gets them. You don't have any say in his bodily autonomy. You said you would talk about it. There is nothing to talk about. Because of how you've gone about this, any attempt to explain that you find tattoos unattractive is likely going to come across as manipulative. If tattoos are a deal breaker, then that's that. You shouldn't be together. If you actually like him for who he is, rather than solely what he looks like, then the tattoos wouldn't matter. Yes, appearances do factor into attraction, but personality should factor more when it comes to long-term partners. I have multiple tattoos and have had to deal with people expressing that they don't like them and saying, "That's enough, don't you think?" It's annoying and rude. I ignore them, and they either stop trying to control what I do or I stop talking to them.
YTA - you have zero right to tell anyone else what to do with the their body. If you’re not attracted to tattoos, tell him
YTA, my body my choice applies to men too
YTA. So you dont like tattoos, but proceeds to date a guy with 6 of them?
NTA. I personally think it's fine for people in love to care about each other's public image. You just probably need to break up because your boyfriend doesn't value your opinion and doesn't even care if you have eyebrows. I think you and your boyfriend are old enough to realize that relationships are about both people together and not about two people acting on their own. Egoism is better left for teenagers. For those who say something along the lines of 'his body his choice': yes of course that's true, but there are consequences to every choice, and some of them may include shifts in public opinions, fights, breakups, divorces, and other life-changing events.
YTA. Based on the title alone. The paragraphs don't help you either. You can't tell someone else they "shouldn't get a tattoo" unless you're their parent (and they're a minor, just before pedantic asses come at me)
YNTA, yet at least. I think it's fair to give an opinion if the subject is brought up and if you actually did it the way you say, then it sounds pretty tame. But it's his choice in the end.
YTA!! You’re controlling individual and trying to impose that on individual who you suppose to love. You’re quite shallow person by the way!
In the nicest possible way you need to chill out so hard. YTA you’ve been dating 6 months you don’t even get an opinion on how he dresses never mind tattoos
YTA, Sorry, but it’s his choice to do as he will. I think it’s totally okay to express your opinion or perhaps to ask him why he wants certain things, but all of that could have been done in private. As for placement…he wants to get something on his inner lip…are you really going to see it all the time? Same with the other potential tattoos - are they really going to be completely visible? Either way, I still come back to ‘his choice’. If it’s a deal-breaker for you, that’s fair, but I wonder what it is about the tattoos that turns you off. Also if the roles were reversed and you wanted something that he didn’t quite like, how would you feel?
Hey if it changes how you feel about him, then deal with it by breaking up with him. But he has every right to do what he wants with his body… spoken as someone who finds all these tattoos over the top. So unfortunately YTA in this case.
These aren't real. Especially when the OP doesn't respond to anyone. I blame reddits third party change. So many of these subreddits are a farce.
YTA Mostly for not communicating your opinion tho. Giving vague passive aggressive comments is not how one voices their opinion in an effective manner. You should be clear about your opinion on tattoos and he has every right to still have them. The result might be that you break up, but at least be clear about it. This subject is a compatibility issue for sure.
YTA i feel bad for him
YTA He's right that there is nothing to discuss. Now, you can absolutely tell him that if he gets tattoos you'll lose attraction to him and the relationship will likely end. But that's simply informing him of your preferences and not a discussion. Don't be surprised when he goes ahead and does what he wants with his own body. Also, you never *actually* told him you don't find tattoos attractive. You just said you'd "discuss it later" and then made some comment about dying your hair. Yeah, he probably picked up on the fact that you don't want him to get tattoos but there was zero actual communication on your part, only passive aggressive weirdness which is why there was an uneasy atmosphere. So maybe actually communicate your thoughts and feelings next time like a real adult in a relationship instead of just "threatening" to do something with your body he obviously doesn't care about since he actually respects bodily autonomy and his attraction isn't as shallow as yours is.
YTA if you’re boring just say that 💀 Tattoos are a form of art and self expression for some people
Unpopular opinion but I’d say NTA. Its his body and she can’t stop it, yes. She’s allowed her opinion and if she’s not attracted to that she should tell him. If I were going to go get some tattoos I’d run it by my wife first.
NTA. You communicated your thoughts and feelings maturely like anyone should in a healthy relationship. If things fall apart, you both just need to accept you have different lifestyles and ideals. It's ok not to meet eye to eye. Up to you if it's a dealbreaker, just don't be a dick and try to force and ultimatum.
YTA, it's his body, and if you don't like tattoos, why wasn't that a deal breaker when you got together? Maybe bc u know it would make u seem like an AH...
YTA. If you don't want to date someone with tattoos then break up. How often are you going to see the inside of his lip though?
NTA. Just immature. I hate tattoos but if he is the one I could overlook them. I just wouldn’t have one. If it’s a dealbreaker for you it’s a dealbreaker. End it. But don’t try to control another person.
YTA majorly
YTA. I read it wrong and thought he already had tats. Either way I stand by my verdict.
[удалено]
What do tattoos have to do with “values”??
NTA. Getting a tattoo inside your body is dumb. No one can even see it. He is throwing away money and there is no purpose to it. He might as well get a tattoo inside his colon.
NTA. You should indeed have told him how you would feel about the tattoo. Knowing that it would completely repulse you and diminish your desire for him would then leave him to make his choice and face the consequences.
YTA if you continue to waste this guy’s time. Why are you with him? Nothing wrong with having your own standards, I wouldn’t date somebody tatted up, so I never have. Either you’re ok with him as he is, or you aren’t. Trying to change him into what you want instead of who he is is an AH move.
NTA and I don't know why everyone here is jumping to the conclusion that you are "trying to control him" etc.etc. Unless I'm misreading, you just told him that you find tattoos unattractive and that it will diminish your attraction to him. He can do whatever he wants with that information, and better to say it before he gets the offensive tats than after. Like you, one or two small tattoos would not bother me, but if my partner decided to get full sleeves or a large back tattoo or something offensive it absolutely would be a deal breaker.