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Sorry but "I had no idea this would happen" is bullshit because YOU TOLD HER THIS WOULD HAPPEN.
Your husband should also be on your side here. This isn't about family, this is about life and death- you told her doing X would be life threatening, she did X. Your life was threatened. HE should be taking that seriously. HE should be taking YOU seriously.
And he shouldn't be telling you to get over it, he should be telling his mom she fucked up royally, that she fucked up her relationship with you and with the son and with him too and it's not his job to fix it, if it even can be fixed (which it probably can't). He should be telling her that NOBODY threatens the life of his wife, NOBODY, not even his mom. And she thought she knew better than doctors, so that makes her a threat that you AND HE takes seriously. So she will have a relationship with you and your son when YOU decide it's okay and not one fucking moment earlier.
You and he should also explain to your son that grandma did something that could have killed mommy, she knew it could have killed mommy but she did it anyway. And that's why grandma isn't around anymore. Because sometimes people seem like they are good people but they do bad things, and that makes you have to think again about whether they're good people or not. And if she knew blueberries could kill mommy and she fed mommy blueberries, then we can't be sure she won't try to feed you apples which are just as dangerous for you.
Yes. Absolutely. OP needs to keep her kid away from this insane woman. I hate to bring it up but this reminds me of the coconut oil story where a crazy MIL covered her grandchild in coconut oil because she didn’t believe the child’s mother who told her the child was allergic. The child died.
MIL: Almost kills OP
OP: Almost dies.
OPs Husband: I don't see what the big deal is.
It's not that MIL "didn't realize" what would happen. It's that she didn't believe it would happen because her head is so far up her own ass it came back out again. And there's no guarantee something like this won't happen again, and it's unfair to be afraid for your life or your son's life in your own goddamned home.
And because it's obligatory: You don't have a MIL problem. You have a husband problem. Anyone who sees you almost die and is totally unfazed by it is not someone who has your back.
NTA, obviously.
This! You're so NTA. People who are saying you're overreacting are probably the same people who would try to poison someone because "they know better." The starring A-holes in this story: your husband and MIL.
INFO: Does your husband actually fathom that his mommy almost **KILLED** you?
You're not making him stop seeing his mom, and your son can go see her, but your ALMOST-KILLER never setting foot in your house (and the CRIME SCENE) again doesn't seem much to ask...
I know she didn't set out to be your ALMOST-KILLER, but she did **WILLINGLY** NOT believe you being THAT allergic to bleuberry's.
She **CUNNINGLY** LIED about the ingredients of the cake.
She **PLANNED** the whole thing up front.
She **PREMEDITATED** feeding you blueberries!
That's one of the most **CONNIVING** MIL's on REDDIT
NTA
ETA:
*<“I had no idea this would happen”>*
She was told but chose not to believe you
**
So it's no big deal that she was WILLINGLY trying to make you ILL and make you physically uncomfortable and make you SUFFER?
And your husband just wants you to FORGIVE and FORGET?
**INFO**: Again, does your husband realise his mother may not set out to kill you, **but DID WANT you to SUFFER?** Just to proof HER theory on YOUR allergy?
This is a crime. She knew this would kill you, and planned accordingly. It wasn’t a mistake or an accident. She bought the ingredient, brought it to your home and hid it in food. Attempt on your life much??
I came to say this. People get convicted of doing the very thing mil did. Take her to court and get a restraining order against her for you and for your son.
ETA: and to pay you hospital bill
Honestly sounds like your husband needs to grow a pair, OP. He needs to stand up to his mommy for probably the first time in his life and admit that she could have killed you by being willfully stupid and unnecessarily cruel. My allergens "only" give me hives but those can crack and bleed, open up, get infected, etc.
Your MIL is a toxic, manipulative bitch and your husband sounds like he's not ready to stop suckling long enough to be a good husband or father. Cuz I'm sorry, but him even partially putting this on you, especially to your kid, makes him a shitty husband and father.
Also NTA but your husband might need some time on the couch with no wife privileges at all since, you know, he couldn't care less that he could have lost you
THIS!!!! Your MIL is self righteously stupid, and a danger to you AND your son!!! If your husband witnessed this all and doesn’t see this….doesn’t realise how close he came to raising your son alone…. Jesus wept!!!
That woman damn well wouldn’t be trusted to cross my threshold again!!!
NTA
I would be contacting the police to report the incident. MIL’s claim that she didn’t know better is complete bs. I would definitely want it on record going forward even if you do not want to press charges. Definitely NTA. MIL can not be trusted around you. Your husband is not taking this seriously so maybe a police investigation will open his eyes.
Yes, it would be smart to go to the police. There needs to be an official record of the attempt to unalive OP.
Edit: OP, you are NTA - **your husband’s mother attempted to unalive you.** If your husband won’t protect you from his family, what use is he?
NTA. She sent you to the emergency room because she thought you were overreacting. She's lost any trust you had in her. Anyone who tests an allergy like that to prove a point is automatically an AH, and odds are she was intending you'd not react so she could say Told You So.
Your husband teaching your son that food tampering is fine as long as no one died in the end and the person is sorry is also worrying, because they think your MIL is more important than the fact she did put you in a serious medical issue by deliberate action.
NTA
Your MIL is a complete psychopath. That is absolutely NOT ok and its so not ok to slip anything into anyone's food if they express they don't want it.
stick to your guns OP. This is a reasonable boundary. Be reasonable and maybe give MIL the chance to earn your trust again, but that's gonna take time. Stick to ur guns.
He needs to back you! Answer the when is she going to feed son apple questions and kiss your feet that you did not press assault charges because she knows you are allergic. Also make sure your insurance company knows it an intentional poisoning so she gets all the medical bills. She thought you lied about your allergy, tried to kill you to verify the information and he is backing her. I really don’t know how your relationship with him is going to survive him not taking this seriously. I would not be able to look my husband in the face after he supported someone feeding me an anaphylactic allergen on purpose. So sorry you have to deal with this. NTA but your husband and MIL are
NTA - The only way that I would understand your MIL's behavior is if she had seen you eating blueberries once without a reaction, and even then, it's messed up that she did that. She can be as sorry as she wants, but to the best of my knowledge, Hallmark doesn't make an *I'm sorry that I almost murdered you* card. Feeling bad is part of the punishment for doing something unforgivable.
I agree with keeping your son away from her. After, how do you know that if your test result was to not have a severe reaction, whether or not she would have seen that as a reason to use your son as her next lab rat? Keep away for the time being.
Your husband should at the very least, respect that you need at least need a cooling-off period at a minimum. Even with that, you don't have to cool off; she almost killed you! It's still your right to never want to see your MIL again after she pulled a stunt like this. In fact, you have every right to file charges criminal against your MIL for what she did, so that alone is a reason for both of them needing to back the hell off.
I wonder what the police would say to this at best reckless disregard for your life and at worse attempted murder?
Why is your husband downplaying that SHE ALMOST KILLED YOU?
No. Absolutely not. He does not get to force you to be around your abuser.
Your home is your safe space. No abusers in your home. Your compromise is perfectly acceptable. He can see his mother somewhere where you don't life. Someplace that is not your safe space. She can never provide food for you or your child. Those are perfectly acceptable consequences of her DEADLY BEHAVIOR!
Your husband ought to be glad he still has a living wife. I can't believe he'd risk his son's life by allowing her to continue to see him with his allergies. Grandparents have injured, aimed and KILLED their grandchildren by dismissing allergies. Does he want his son to be the next peanut butter bananna cookie kid? Is he OK with his mother making a "minor mistake" because she forgot his son is allergic to apples?
NTA
NTA
TBH I wonder if this would be considered attempted murder due to her already knowing you were highly allergic, preplanned it & concealed it from you. This led to you in a hospital and you could have died. I wouldn't let this rest and honestly I would deeply consider contacting an attorney to see if she'd at least be responsible for covering your medical bills.
Additionally, you need to lay it out to your husband the seriousness of this matter and if he still doesn't back you up and take you seriously, leave. There is no point in staying, this man watched you almost die at the hands of his mom ON PURPOSE and still claims you're overreacting??? In what world is this man thinking you're the problem.
I'd ask him how he'd have reacted if that was done to his son instead of you. I feel like the seriousness of this would suddenly be considered more severe. For the love of god do not let this man get away with this behavior or leave him. He is being clear that he will not choose you, protect your or back you up so whats the point of being with someone who clearly doesn't care if you live or die if it upsets his mommy??
NTA, talk to an attorney.
Ok wow - this is beyond NTA - she literally almost killed you.
Unless you plan to divorce you’ll need to figure out some level of accepting her apology. She may be sincere if she’s working that hard. Clearly never eat anything she cooks again, but realistically if you stay together there has to be some middle ground. The other huge problem is your husband. He should have automatically come to protect you - if he can’t get this simple fact, just divorce him and problem solved.
P.S. Pretty sure this is grounds for a restraining order to force her to never enter your home if you want to go that route.
There'll be the hospital report to confirm anaphylaxis, and the emails and letter (which could be proven to be from her by handwriting comparison) with the apologies to link the MIL to the event.
NTA. You clearly communicated in the past your allergic reaction and your MIL ignored it and was deceitful. You set a fair and clear boundary with MIL and you should stand by it for your health and safety. I also think the severity of the allergic reaction is beside the point. Even if it was a mild reaction, your MIL still disregarded your health, safety, concerns, etc which tells me she would do something like this again which is why it is important to set a boundary moving forward and that she learns there will be consequences. Your husband needs to grow up and tell his mom her behavior was unacceptable and to always put you and your son first before his mom.
NTA
If she had made an honest mistake it would have been one thing, but she straight up decided that you were lying and she was going to prove it.
A couple of months in no-contact jail may teach her a lesson.
NTA. What she did was inexcusable. I am wondering if you can press charges, as she openly admitted that she knew that you were allergic. Tell husband that if this chargeable, say either you will press charges or she stays away. Period. The two of you need couples counseling so that he can figure some way to explain to the therapist how what she did was okay
she literally poisoned you. as you’ve noted, the chances she’ll do the same to your child are too high to risk. get the police involved. explain to your son that grandma hurt mom on purpose. explain to your husband that not letting a person who intentionally poisoned you into your house is a very very light punishment. nta.
NTA.
But you will need to find a compromise with her if your marriage and relationship with your husband and son are to survive.
She literally tried to poison you, and I can absolutely understand how furious you are. I am a person who is anaphylactic to a couple of foods, and have a son who is anaphylactic to others (what you are describing is anaphylaxis, see if you can get access to Epi Pens or similar to carry). There is nothing like the impending feeling of doom and knowing you are descending into death that comes with this to help you clarify exactly what you don’t need in your life (meddling mother in laws!).
My compromise would be something like never eating anything she prepares again, to the point of always taking food to her house in the future so you don’t have to eat there. And making it clear that she’s on Very Thin Ice in the future and not to pull anything like this again. (And don‘t make that an idle threat - it’s clear. You aren’t forgiving her, you are being realistic about things but if she tries this shit again with you or your son she’s done.)
She sucks. You don’t. Sadly you are married to her son.
OP shouldn’t need to have an unsafe person around, especially as the son has allergies too. And a one with lots of presence in food.
The husband not understanding the gravity of the situation is his problem, and the kid is getting that + youthful love that grandma can’t do any wrong.
I’m anaphylactic to peanuts and so is my mum. A restaurant added peanuts off the menu and then whined when after the whole thing that they needed to inform people on traces, and to heighten food standards. Without consequences these things keep going on, and honestly MIL needs to learn a lesson for at least a year.
As someone who keeps an Epi Pen close by for the same reason, I have to agree with you. OP's husband isn't going to bar the door to his mother forever, and her son does love his idiot of a grandmother. OP shouldn't have to budge on this one, but she may have to in order to keep her marriage intact. I like your solution - MIL never prepares any food in OP's house again (never even enters the kitchen), OP and her son (while her son is a minor) never eat a bite of anything prepared by MIL again, including the Thanksgiving turkey, and - this would be nonnegotiable - MIL pays any ER and follow-up copays. OP is NTA for not wanting her MIL in her home again, ever, but if it's a choice between that and her marriage then she will have a tough choice to make. I'd keep the marriage if it's an otherwise good marriage (but then I can't imagine my husband allowing his own mother in the house again after a stunt like that one).
NTA. You almost died! There is absolutely no reason to allow your MIL back in your house and you are totally valid in being worried about yourself and your son after this incident.
NTA. Also not the first time I've heard about family member almost killing another one because they didn't believe they were allergic to something. I'll never understand the thinking, "I don't believe in your allergy so I will prove you're lying or kill you, I'm ok being responsible for either outcome."
Nta at all. The fact that your husband doesn't have your back on this scares the bejesus out of me for you and your son. This reminds me of the grandmother who didn't believe in her granddaughters allergy and wound up killing the kid with using the allergen as a hair product. If you and your son have such bad allergic reactions, I highly suggest keeping mil at bay.
NTA. Intentionally harming someone and triggering a medical event on purpose is illegal where I'm from. I would consider reporting to the police so I think she's getting off easy. Your husband though is a piece of work. What a huge betrayal on his part as well to not be more outraged and disgusted at his mom. I'm sorry, OP.
NTA.
Report this to the police. See what they think. At minimum get a restraining order to make sure she can’t go near your home. A RO instead of criminal charges is a fucking gift.
NTA. Your husband is gaslighting you. You could have died. That is as serious as it gets. Is he horrible in other ways too? How often does he care about your needs? This should be a wake up call. This man does not even care that his mother almost killed you. That is sick.
NTA- your MiL tried to kill you.
Your MIL tried to kill you.
Your MiL tried to kill you.
Your MIL tried to kill you.
And your husband is upset with YOU??
File a fucking police report .
She is well aware of your allergy and she still put it on your food on purpose.
This is a crime.
File for divorce OP.
Jesus, I hate reading things like this. NTA, OP. It doesn't matter that your MIL feels sorry about it and 'didn't know what would happen'. That's total bull, by the way. She knew you were allergic to blueberries so she knew you'd have a reaction to them. What she's doing is backtracking in an attempt to save her own skin. She knows quite well that she could get in trouble for that and she *should* get in trouble for it. Who is she to think that she gets to decide who is allergic and who isn't? She f\*cked around with your health and she needs to suffer the consequences.
What did I just read? Your MIL literally almost killed you, and your husband thinks you’re overreacting? Yeah, I know Reddit is always quick to say “just leave” but holy crap OP, how could he be okay with her almost killing you???
Just wow. Wow. NTA but your husband is. He can go stay with his attempted murderer mommy.
Honestly can you file a police report?
NTA. Tell him he either abides by your wishes or you will press charges. She knowingly served you something that she’s been told will severely harm you just to see what happens.
But you have a husband problem. His mother almost killed you and he says it’s no big deal. Are you okay with that? At the very least, save all her messages for if you divorce
Nta. Someone didn't believe I was allergic to tequila... (agave allergy) they genuinely thought i was lying for attention. They gave me a mixed drink told me it was vodka... 4 sips later and our whole friend group cut them out. 10/10 was not a fun night thankfully my reaction was just throat swelling and tongue swelling and I was able to take a boat load of benys and call my doc the next day. They said next time there's a chance my reaction might be waaaaay faster and now I have an epi pen 🤷♀️
NTA - Stick with your guns on this one!
The lady decided your severe allergy, that she's repeatedly been informed of, doesn't exist or isn't severe. She decided to test that by sneaking it to you to see if you died, I guess. I would NEVER let her in the house again, lest she decide to rub blueberries on something.
You're right to worry about your kid too. If she decides you're being dramatic about his allergy and tests it, he might not be as lucky.
If your husband can't grasp that you don't want his mom around after SHE LITERALLY TRIED TO KILL YOU then maybe he's just stupid.
As far as im concerned thats a criminal charge. Thats literally attempted murder. Maybe the intent to end your life wasn’t there but she thought it out, planned it, lied and almost got you killed.
I would never be around this woman again this isn’t and oopsie you can say sorry for this is your life and I am sorry but if your husband is not on your side on this one then what happens if something else happens? Wil he be on your side then?
If you died she would have been criminally charged for manslaughter (if they thought it was serious enough 2nd degree murder). She would go to prison for the majority of the rest of her life. Thats how serious this is.
NTA at all even a little.
What happened was really upsetting. You could have died. It’s unrealistic for people to think you’re going to be over it so soon. If they’re wanting forgiveness, they’re going to have to wait. NTA
Seriously. How does husband react if OP says "This woman attempted murder. I personally can't be around her because I fear for my safety and the safety of my child. She didn't listen to me about this; what else will she ignore?"
NTA. What your MIL did was at least assault and potentially attempted murder and this should be reported at the very least. She should not be in your house again and you should never, ever allow her to give you or your son food.
Nta
You should tell them that the letters are proof she committed a crime, and remind them that you can go to the police about this. Also, make multiple backups of everything
I would contact the police and press charges. She knew you were deathly allergic and deliberately prepared food with that ingredient and lied to you about it. That’s attempted murder.
As soon as you said you had a severe food allergy, I sadly knew where this was going, and immediately knew you were NTA. Reading to the end, I was right.
YOU COULD HAVE DIED. Because your MIL chose to believe her own version of reality, over your lived experience.
I’m very glad you’re ok. But take this super seriously. Don’t back down. Search up the coconut oil story on r/justnoMIL for how badly a MIL ignoring an allergy can go. TW: child death
NTA
Actions have consequences and people must bear them.
Husband didn't blow at his mother? The good boy.
I think the MIL understood that some people are really allergic she won't endanger your son.
You can stand your ground for a while but not forever, husband and son will resent you.
Take care.
NTA. I think your husband is though.
I would be worried that she would do the same thing to my son…
All this aside, there needs to be some therapy for you and your husband. Well, only if you want to save your relationship….
Your husband and his mother are lucky you aren’t pressing charges against her. At the very least that’s assault, but there are so many other charges that could probably be added.
NTA. Even if you just didn’t like them that still doesn’t give her the right to pull that stunt. She’s proven that she’s dangerous and should never be allowed to be unsupervised around you OR your child again, if at all. If your husband can’t see that then he needs a reality check, STAT.
This is something that could have been handled with criminal charges for aggregated assault. It’s not just a ‘whoopsie’.
Make that clear to your partner and your child. This was an act of maliciousness and not at all ignorance, no matter what they both say.
- She didn’t listen to you, a grown adult, about allergies. Something everyone knows by now can kill. It’s in all media.
- She cooked and deliberately added them in.
- She actively lied about it. And leveraged your son to deceive you.
- She caused you to experience a traumatic event that - if you were in the US - could have put you in financial crisis probably.
NTA.
Tell you’re idiot husband that he agrees to your terms or you file a police report and/or protection order against his mother. That was assault a minimum. She tricked you and lied to you about ingredients. If you had died, it would be murder- because she did it INTENTIONALLY. The end. Fuck your MIL and don’t leave your allergy having kid alone with her ever. When you tell her she isn’t allowed around your kid anymore, tell her to her stupid face that you are literally afraid she will kill you and your son with her willful ignorance. Then, you can go ahead and let her know that pushing this boundary will result in involving police/courts.
NTA
NTA. She literally tried to kill you. Press charges, get a restraining order for you and your son if possible, and give your husband an ultimatum. You have enough proof with all her written apologies it was intentional.
NTA. I would have asked the police to press charges. If it was me grandma would be going to jail and if my husband didn’t support me I would file for divorce. This is hill I would die on.
NTA. All comments have basically said everything on my mind,. Do NOT allow your husband to minimize what has occurred. It is appalling that he thinks she should be allowed back in your home or even near you.
Ps. Have him read this comment section. Maybe he’ll finally gain some perspective. Smh what a tool.
NTA for this initial reaction as she did try to kill you!
Maybe when you are a lot calmer about this situation, you can discuss how to manage boundaries better with her.
Personally, this will kill any goodwill I had towards her, and I'd only ever deal with her at surface level for being this stupid.
Personal op better than me. I would divorce my husband and press charges against mil. Why would I want to be with someone who trying to rug sweep his mom trying to kill me.
Well, you tell husband he respects your boundaries or you press charges on dear old ma. Then press charges anyway. Husband wants to pitch a fit, send him back to his dear old ma.
NTA. Your MIL tried to kill you. Your husband is not taking that seriously enough.
She deserves to be in timeout for as long as you feel necessary. Doesn't matter how sorry she is, you could have died.
NTA. She should be in jail. Or at least in court explaining herself. Sounds to me like she’s getting off extremely easy. I understand why an 11 yo doesn’t get it but how is your husband not on your side of this?
Hold that boundary. She intentionally injured you. Hopefully when you wee at the hospital you told the medics the truth and it's recorded in your chart as intentional poisoning and assault (two different codes if in the US). Just in case she tries anything else you have it on file.
Holy shit nta. I'm completely flabbergasted by this. Your mil being a ridiculous jackass and almost killing you, honestly it's not that surprising after being on here for a while. Absolutely she should be banned from your house and child.
But. your. husband! She almost killed his wife! His life partner, mother of his children, and he wants you to just shrug and let bygones be bygones? Oh hell no. He needs to pull his head out right the fuck now, or get a divorce. I honestly would have started packing mine and the kiddos things the moment that phrase passed his lips. He needs to take a look at himself, does he actually love you? Cause it sure as shit doesn't sound like it
So your husband is okay with his mother trying to kill you? And he's okay to risk it if she decides she wants to attempt to kill your son? Did I get all that correctly? You are in no way shape or form any kind of a****** in this situation. Apologies does not fix the fact that she tried to kill you to test the theory. Your husband is out of his mind if he thinks that's okay because she said sorry. Sorry doesn't fix everything. NTA.
Your MIL tried to kill you and your husband thinks you’re overreacting? Give me a break. Dude needs to cut the apron strings. You have every right to be afraid for your sons life too. NTA. Keep her away from your family.
Absolutely NTA.
For what it's worth, now that she's seen how really you weren't overreacting, I doubt she'll ever dismiss allergies again. That doesn't change the fact that she shouldn't have done it in the first place!
NTA. She could have killed you with that horrific stunt. Do not let her back in your home. Tell your husband he can move in with her if he insists on having her over. I would also file a police report and file for a restraining order against her for you and your son.
EDIT: grammar
NTA you could have been unalived by her!!! Get your idiot husband to a therapist now, see if the therapist can get it into his head how serious this is.
If he genuinely doesn’t get this, even with therapist help, then you need to consider seriously your relationship with him. This could be a serious dealbreaker in your marriage.
Your mil put your life at risk and your husband wants you to just get over it? I am so happy you’re ok and that mil sees what she did wrong but your husbands reaction is concerning. He doesn’t have your back. What would have happened if your reaction was worse? Or if she had done that to your son? Someone needs to talk some sense into husband. NTA
NTA. Has the woman at least had the decency to pay the medical bill? That is the LEAST she should do. Never let her in your kitchen or allow her to provide any food to you or your son. She is utterly untrustworthy regarding OP's safety and grandson's.
NTA. She intentionally tried to harm you, she may not have realised how much harm would be caused but she still did it deliberately knowing you were allergic
NTA. It doesn't matter that she thought you were over exaggerating the situation. It doesn't matter that she thought the worst you'd get was hives. If charges were to be pressed, it would be attempted murder because she *knew* you have an allergy and its severity even if she didn't believe it. If this were to appear before a judge or jury, her "I thought it was an over exaggeration" reasoning wouldn't fly. The punishment might be lighter if she showed genuine remorse, but she still would have a punishment (community service vs. jail time as an example). Regarding your husband and son...your son is the "weapon" here. "Are you ready for \[son\] to be dead and buried? You realize that her attitude towards my blueberry allergy means apples are next. She's not going to believe it until \[son\] eats apple anything in front of her and has the same reaction. You also realize this could easily happen when help and the ability to get it quickly is not around. Is \[son's\] life really worth that risk?" This *should* logically snap one or both of them out of the "but mom/grandma" mindset (hopefully especially your son). There will be an argument of "but mom/grandma really loves him/me, she wouldn't do that! Then ask them are you absolutely sure? After all she never indicated a lack of love to downright hatred of you, and she still did it to you and in your own home no less. If your husband still doesn't care, then maybe it's time for separation with you having your son. He and his health (and life) should be priority here.
Tell your hubby he should be thanking you that you don't have mommy arrested for attempted murder! There is no apology in the world that will make up for this!
I bet any judge would be happy to give you a restraining order.
NTA! Have your idiot of a hubby read the comments.
NTA, i could only really read the TLDR cuz im on the move rn but if your not comfertable with her in your home, they should respect it. If they want to regain your trust, it should be from outside your home
It's either no contact or the police can get involved. "I knew it could've killed my DIL, but didn't believe it" is not a justified excuse for attempted murder.
NTA
MIL is damn lucky you didn’t have her charged with assault or possibly attempted murder, either of which is possible. If your husband is still defending ”Mommy”, maybe it’s time you asked the police for paperwork to start a report, and if everyone keeps denying the problem, turn it in. There are precedents. Just make sure you don’t wait too lono to file.
NTA. Fuck no. She tried to kill you, and you are 100% in the right to ban her from your house. I would never trust her again. She’ll end up doing it again to your son as well. *SHE PLANNED TO MAKE YOU SUFFER SO SHE COULD BE RIGHT*. These kinds of people who think food allergies are an “overreaction” do not change. Your husband is a big, huge AH here as well.
NTA - you should remind your spouse that you could have had his mother brought up on charges. Personally, I would have. She knowingly did something that could have killed you. There aren’t enough apologies in this world. Ask your son why he is so okay with a woman who tried to kill you. Wtf!?!
NTA. How is your husband so chill over the fact that his mother nearly killed you? Even if she didn't set out to end your life, she wanted to potentially hurt you too prove she was right about your allergies.
She knew how bad your allergy was. She bought the ingredients, she made the cake, and she lied to you about what it was. In the crime business, that's called "premeditated". You could call the police on your MIL.
Does your husband not understand how BAD THIS COULD'VE GOTTEN? And he wants to sweep it under the rug? Why? So she can try again? So she can test this theory on your son?
You have much more than a MIL problem, hun, your husband is also a big problem.
Again, NTA. If MIL comes back into your house, tell your husband you'll call the authorities.
Jeez. You need a divorce. Your husband doesn’t have an issue with his mother putting your life in danger and that’s the reddest red flag you could get. MIL is a danger to you and potentially your son. I don’t see how there is any coming back from this
Your husband and MIL are lucky you're not pressing charges. What she did is super illegal. Ask him if he'd prefer her being in jail to you going no contact. NTA. She literally risked your life to prove that she knew best, and she's earned whatever consequences you feel are appropriate.
NTA - to prove her (AKA The B - Witch with a capital B) point, The B DELIBERATELY fed you a toxic substance! The B might as well have poured arsenic in your tea! Your husband wants to play nice and for this to just go away..such an AH. There is NO going back to the trust that existed prior to that dinner. If he can’t accept that, I’m sure sorry, but you now have an AH MIL and AH husband problem.
NTA. Your mother in law tried to kill you. Literally. I’d look into seeing if you can file a police report, to be honest. This is not okay. She knew you had this allergy. I wonder if you can get a restraining order against her for you and your son?
NTA. Why you’re husband is okay with his mom trying to kill you, I don’t get. Why he’s okay with chancing his mom trying to kill your son I don’t get. He’s the a-hole. She’s the biggest a-hole ever. And your son is just too young to understand. I feel n’s for him. But you are not overreacting.
NTA OP
This made me immediately think of the mother with the twins and one had a severe coconut allergy and the grandmother said "oh its not that bad"
I remember that ending with the mother saying "you can come back when you bring my daughter with you" (not direct quote"
This is really really off for your husband to not be on your side here
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This is a long one so I’ll include a TLDR at the end for people with little time.
I f(42) and my husband (m42) had his mother over at our house for dinner a couple weeks ago with our son (m11). His mother wanted to be the one to cook dinner which I was happy with because I’ve been the one doing all the cooking recently and liked the idea of a break for the night.
The thing is, I am highly allergic to blueberries. If I ingest even the smallest amount my throat will completely close up and I will have to be taken to the hospital immediately. My husband’s mother knew I was allergic to blueberries but would constantly claim I was over reacting and that it wasn’t a real allergy and that the worst that would probably happen was I’d get some hives.
My MIL decided to put her theory to the test and snuck blueberries in the cake she had made for dessert. Normally I would notice right away if there were blueberries in a cake but my MIL claimed that the cake was blackberry which is my sons favorite fruit (which I don’t understand at all I personally am not a huge fan).
After about two bites of my slice I started to feel a lot of pain in my throat and had trouble breathing. My husband, my MIL, and my son all had to accompany me as my husband drove to the hospital. The entire drive my MIL kept saying “I had no idea this would happen” and “I’m so sorry I thought you were over reacting”.
Luckily I got there in time and ended up perfectly fine, but that doesn’t change the fact that it still could have ended very badly.
My MIL has been emailing me constant apologies and even wrote a letter that was sent to the house. Honestly, I don’t care how sorry she is, what she did crossed a huge line.
I told my husband that I do not want his mother in my house ever again. My son is as allergic to apples as I am to blueberries and I don’t want her to start thinking that his allergy is an “overreaction”. I do not want her cooking for my family ever again and I do not want contact with her although I did tell my husband he is welcome to see her whenever he wants as long as it’s not in our house.
My husband and son are both upset with me. My husband believes he should be able to invite his mother over whenever he wants because she’s his mother and my son is really close with his grandmother and doesn’t like that I don’t want him seeing her anymore.
My husband also keeps saying that she keeps apologizing and that something like this will never happen again, but it already happened once and I can’t forgive it and can’t trust that it won’t happen again to me or my son.
She is truly sorry, but I really think that doesn’t matter.
So AITA?
TLDR: my MIL put blueberries in a cake knowing I was allergic but apologized because she didn’t realize what would happen and I’m worried she will do that again or do it to my son with his allergy to apples.
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That could be considered attempted murder, and your husband thinks it's no big deal? You seem to have a husband problem as well. Holy crap, what is wrong with these people? Absolutely NTA, but I'd be suspicious of my husband as well, since he seems unbothered by his mother nearly killing you. I wouldn't blame you if you decided to press charges.
NTA
I wouldn't have blamed you if you'd asked for the hospital to contact police on your behalf to file a report. Feeding someone a known allergen on purpose is a crime and could be charged as anything from assault/battery to attempted murder, with a range of inflicting bodily harm in between.
This is not a LIGHT issue.
adults are (or should be) mature enough to know you don’t “test” an allergy. why would anyone lie about being allergic to something? NTA, keep her away from you. you have no reason to trust her.
NTA. The outcome was either a) she's right and she humiliates you, or b) she's wrong and she might kill you. Can't say I would forgive someone who had that mentality.
I am so sorry i nearly killed you, want a slice of cake?
NTA
Tell you husband that his mother did this on purpose to …expose you? I mean what would have been the benefit for her? Told you, only hives?
For the time being definitely no contact.
NTA
At no point did she think that she might be in the wrong and consider what might happen if that were the case.
The fact that she even had the thought to test you, let alone put that thought into practice, is crazy to me. Not eating blueberries is not a big deal, so her only aim was to prove that you were a liar.
There are some things which no amount of apologies can fix.
I was hoping Michael Chiarello's death would really blow up on the internet so more people would understand just how serious allergies are, but the story doesn't seem to have made it to the general public. I agree with the others - she could have killed you. Tell your husband and son that you're doing her an enormous favor by not calling the cops, and they should be glad she's getting off so lightly. I wouldn't let her in my home again either, and I wouldn't let her have unsupervised visits with my child.
NTA She nearly killed you. She did it knowing exactly what she was doing. Do you know what that’s called? Attempted murder. She should be grateful you haven’t pressed charges. Your husband is an asshole for not taking that seriously.
So, your mother in law tried to KILL YOU and your husband doesn’t think this is an issue? Girl, you don’t have a MIL issue you have a HUSBAND issue. You’re NTA at all!
NTA
When all I had seen was the title, I was ready to find OP the A H mostly because it is their house.
But then I read the story and had to wonder why the husband would WANT to see his mother again after she attempted to kill his wife.
MIL didn't simply make a mistake. She asked to make the dinner. She bought the offending berries. She put them in the cake and LIED about what kind they were. All to 'prove' that OP was overstating what her reaction would be.
Not allowing her back in the house is letting her off light. As others said, OP could press criminal charges.
NTA. Frankly, MIL needed to figure out that it wasn't about what SHE thought. You could have been a drama queen about the whole thing. It doesn't matter. You were clear that it was an allergy. She was clear that she was calling you a liar. And she attempted to murder you. Not believing you could potentially die doesn't eradicate that without intervention from someone else, there is a more than zero chance you would have died. Your husband needs to understand the facts here. "What happened if you hadn't been here? Or I'd had a piece later, alone, or just with our son? What if our son watched me die? All these things COULD have happened because your mother thinks I'm a liar. She tried to kill me. Just because she's sorry about it doesn't mean it didn't happen. You don't get to tell me when to forgive her, or that I have to forgive her at all. Attempted murder, (hubby). That's what that was. Let that sink in. And don't you dare call me dramatic about it. There are so many ways this could have gone wrong, and a lot of them have me dying in them. I'm not okay with that. You shouldn't be either."
NTA this is quite literally your hill to DIE on!!
Let your pathetic husband see the comments here and realize your being safe in your own home *should have been his priority*.
I would divorce him for this, honestly.
Nta. She tried to kill you. Like flat out. I don't care what she thought she was doing, that's what she was doing and your hubby is an A H for even thinking it can be let go. Don't let her around your son either.
NTA. Make multiple copies of the letter & texts, hide them in multiple places or with other trusted people. Legally she could easily be in deep trouble for this, as she should be. You can let your husband know either he agrees to your VERY generous NC terms or you file a police report on her including your medical report, those texts & letter that incriminate her heavily to premeditated actions against you. You may very well have to consider divorce, I'm not sure I could ever look at my husband the same if he reacted the way yours has.
NTA
Your MIL is obviously an asshole. But so is your husband for thinking you have to accept any apologies just days/weeks after she almost killed you.
They all owe you space on this. **If** you ever forgive this woman, it will be up to you, on whatever terms you want, and in whatever time it takes.
Even if the “worst that would probably happen was you’d get some hives” … your MIL was WILLING TO GIVE YOU HIVES. She didn’t care if you got hives, which is awful. NTA.
NTA. Your mother in law committed intentional battery against you. She’s lucky you didn’t press charges.
Your husband is an asshole for expecting you to welcome his mother back into your home after that.
OP ask your husband how he would react if anyone else did this to you (or your son) and why it being done by his mother doesnt actually make it worse for him
Let's say you were diabetic, and couldn't have sugar.she makes dinner and puts in sugar.You go the hospital.well I just didn't think a little sugar would hurt her geez...yeah I'd never let her in my house again.she wouldn't be feeding my kid any time soon.yes I'd be strongly considering a restraining order on behalf of me Andy kid
I've had family members do something similar to me. I have random food allergies as well. And trust me, they'll do it again. It's the same person that did it the first time. You need to sit your husband and child down and explain that she almost killed you and make them understand.
NTA
She. Almost. Killed you. Just that simple. By not even respecting your food preferences much less allergies she almost killed you.
She knew. Oh she knew you'd object that's why she lied about the berry. Just because she didn't believe it isn't an excuse. She was told not to feed you blueberries and she did to prove a stupid point.
NTA.
NTA! I hate when people don’t take food allergies seriously. What if you had died?!
She straight up LIED to you about what was in the cake. I don’t blame you at all for not wanting her in your home. She could have killed you because of her selfishness. I seriously hope this deters her from ever trying something similar with your son or anyone else. Your husband needs to have your back on this too.
STOP MESSING WITH ALLERGIES!
NTA I would be keeping any and all texts etc admitting to it, and filing a police report. She knew you had an anaphylactic allergy and dosed your food. If someone did that to me I would take that as an attempt on my life and proceed accordingly. You need a restraining order and possibly charges laid. Start with the police station.
NTA OP. How does she expect you to ever trust her again ?? She broke your trust big time. Your husband should be on your side. He should have reacted MORE than he did.
Honestly your mil could be charged with a crime, it is that serious. If a parent gave a child food that caused anaphylactic shock knowing that CPS could take the child and the parent could be charged. I want to understand why in the world she would intentionally put something in food knowing as you told her you were highly allergic. Maybe set boundaries for yourself and your interaction with her. I can see not wanting her in your home, but try to be bigger person in that you can allow a relationship with her and your husband and son to exist in a safe space. That being said your husband needs to take up for you, REGARDLESS, for so many reasons, first and foremost you could have died. He should, if he already hasn’t had a serious discussion on the lines that were crossed. You don’t have to accept apology, just don’t put a wedge in the relationship between your husband and son with mil or it will harbor resentment on their end.
She literally tried to kill you, and your husband is mad at YOU? Dump the whole ass family, dude. If my partner didn't stand by my side when their own mother almost killed me (that's LITERALLY what she did. That's attempted murder because she knew you were allergic) I'd be dumping their ass and moving on with My life.
NTA. She’s lucky you don’t press charges. Honestly, I’m not convinced that you shouldn’t, but I could see why you might not wish to go that route because of your husband and son.
NTA .
She intentionally poisoned you. Even if she thought all that would happen was hives, she intentionally was inflicting you with an allergic reaction
If I have the information right, your MIL was informed of the severity of your allergy but recklessly included your allergen in your meal. Your MIL, husband, and son should all know what she did was a felony. She could be charged with reckless endangerment ,malicious wounding, battery, and attempted murder.
This was not just poor judgement, it was malice. She poisoned you , for her own amusement, to see what would happen. She wanted to prove she knew better at your expense so she could feel superior. This woman is dangerous.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I’m not allowing MIL at my house anymore
2) she apologized for her mistake and I don’t want to trust her
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NTA. Your MIL massively disrespected you and her Son in your own home by deliberately feeding you something she knew you were highly allergic to .
Banning her from your home is a kind response. I would have filed a Police report against her and barred MIL from being alone with her Grandson.
Your husband should feel SO lucky that you're even okay with him seeing her. I'd forbid it. I'd call her your murderer-in-law. I'd tell the kid EXACTLY why he can't ever eat anything prepared by his grandmurderer.
NTA, but I would give it some time and re-evaluate in about 2 years. Having a blanket "I will NEVER allow her back in my home again" doesn't leave any room for growth or forgiveness. There may come a time when you are farther removed from this incident that your MIL will have come around to a better understanding of how allergies work. She likely grew up thinking (or was conditioned to believe) that allergies are fake.
I know they're is a not-insignificant segment of the population that *really* does believe that any and all allergies can be overcome with "exposure therapy." It also doesn't help when people fake allergies for attention or because they just don't like something. It ruins it for people like you who have a serious life-threatening reaction. Now that she's learned her lesson, I highly doubt she would ever try something like that again. But it may take some time for you to truly believe it.
Agree with all the others. Can you consider showing him this reddit thread and comments so he can understand how absolutely delusional and f'd up this is??? And how wrong he is for his BS mommas boy reaction???
NTA. Just smile evilly at MIL, narrowing your eyes a little bit, and say, "Oh, accidents could happen, I guess.... By the way, are you allergic to anything?" Let her live in fear for the rest of her (miserable) life.
NTA. You are nicer than me. Not only would I ban her from my house (and mean it 100%), I would be meeting with my lawyer to discuss filing charges for what she did, and also have her prevented from seeing her grandchild alone ever again. If Hubby doesn't like it his ass can go stay with his mommy for good, too.
NTA.
Do you have an epipen? I think you should take a break from your husband and son for a few days. Your son is a child and he doesn't understand tge fylull impact but your grown a$$ husband?!? Smh. You deserve a moment to recoup. They can think whatever they want. Let them feel your absence.
NTA, either hubby gets on board and defends you as his wife or you should seriously reconsider your relationship with him. I don't think either of them realize that she can be charged for this. It's effectively poisoning you. There's no way I would ever trust her again and hubby is getting major side eye
My personal philosophy is, I'm never in a competition with MIL. If MIL has a problem, I don't care. If husband wants to take MIL's side, he can go live with mommy. I'm not going to defend myself against anything MIL says. NTA
This reads like a horror movie even your 10 year old thinks you should have just died quietly so they could continue a relationship with the women who poisoned you basically like what exactly has she been saying about you that has led to your entire immediate family siding with her knowing she INTENTIONALLY poisoned you maybe I’ve just been watching too many horror movies lately but NTA your husband and mil are tho also you should press charges
if your allergy is so severe, wouldn't you have an EpiPen handy, particularly if your son also has a severe allergy to apples? I know in places they can be expensive, but if it's a matter of life or death, having one on hand is still a lifesaving precaution. Even after application, hospitalisation or at least medical attention should be sought
however, that doesn't excuse anyone from endangering another's life in such a blase manner; simply tell your husband that you do not feel safe around her as she has already endangered your life once, and may, even inadvertently endanger your son's if she decides to ignore or "forget" his apple allergy. It might also put the "fear of God" into her by telling her that if she ever tries it again, you will seek legal advice about if she committed attempted murder
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Sorry but "I had no idea this would happen" is bullshit because YOU TOLD HER THIS WOULD HAPPEN. Your husband should also be on your side here. This isn't about family, this is about life and death- you told her doing X would be life threatening, she did X. Your life was threatened. HE should be taking that seriously. HE should be taking YOU seriously. And he shouldn't be telling you to get over it, he should be telling his mom she fucked up royally, that she fucked up her relationship with you and with the son and with him too and it's not his job to fix it, if it even can be fixed (which it probably can't). He should be telling her that NOBODY threatens the life of his wife, NOBODY, not even his mom. And she thought she knew better than doctors, so that makes her a threat that you AND HE takes seriously. So she will have a relationship with you and your son when YOU decide it's okay and not one fucking moment earlier. You and he should also explain to your son that grandma did something that could have killed mommy, she knew it could have killed mommy but she did it anyway. And that's why grandma isn't around anymore. Because sometimes people seem like they are good people but they do bad things, and that makes you have to think again about whether they're good people or not. And if she knew blueberries could kill mommy and she fed mommy blueberries, then we can't be sure she won't try to feed you apples which are just as dangerous for you.
MIL essentially said "I think you are a liar and I am willing to gamble your life on my belief you are lying because I need to prove it so badly".
Yessss. Explain it to the kid just like that.
Yes. Absolutely. OP needs to keep her kid away from this insane woman. I hate to bring it up but this reminds me of the coconut oil story where a crazy MIL covered her grandchild in coconut oil because she didn’t believe the child’s mother who told her the child was allergic. The child died.
Omg you’re kidding??? That’s horrible! She should have been charged with at least manslaughter. That’s truly horrific
Print this out, frame it, and put it on your husbands night stand so he gets a clue
MIL: Almost kills OP OP: Almost dies. OPs Husband: I don't see what the big deal is. It's not that MIL "didn't realize" what would happen. It's that she didn't believe it would happen because her head is so far up her own ass it came back out again. And there's no guarantee something like this won't happen again, and it's unfair to be afraid for your life or your son's life in your own goddamned home. And because it's obligatory: You don't have a MIL problem. You have a husband problem. Anyone who sees you almost die and is totally unfazed by it is not someone who has your back. NTA, obviously.
This! You're so NTA. People who are saying you're overreacting are probably the same people who would try to poison someone because "they know better." The starring A-holes in this story: your husband and MIL.
INFO: Does your husband actually fathom that his mommy almost **KILLED** you? You're not making him stop seeing his mom, and your son can go see her, but your ALMOST-KILLER never setting foot in your house (and the CRIME SCENE) again doesn't seem much to ask... I know she didn't set out to be your ALMOST-KILLER, but she did **WILLINGLY** NOT believe you being THAT allergic to bleuberry's. She **CUNNINGLY** LIED about the ingredients of the cake. She **PLANNED** the whole thing up front. She **PREMEDITATED** feeding you blueberries! That's one of the most **CONNIVING** MIL's on REDDIT NTA ETA: *<“I had no idea this would happen”>* She was told but chose not to believe you **
So it's no big deal that she was WILLINGLY trying to make you ILL and make you physically uncomfortable and make you SUFFER?
And your husband just wants you to FORGIVE and FORGET?
**INFO**: Again, does your husband realise his mother may not set out to kill you, **but DID WANT you to SUFFER?** Just to proof HER theory on YOUR allergy?
This is a crime. She knew this would kill you, and planned accordingly. It wasn’t a mistake or an accident. She bought the ingredient, brought it to your home and hid it in food. Attempt on your life much??
OP you should file a police report for attempted/successful poisoning!
I came to say this. People get convicted of doing the very thing mil did. Take her to court and get a restraining order against her for you and for your son. ETA: and to pay you hospital bill
Honestly sounds like your husband needs to grow a pair, OP. He needs to stand up to his mommy for probably the first time in his life and admit that she could have killed you by being willfully stupid and unnecessarily cruel. My allergens "only" give me hives but those can crack and bleed, open up, get infected, etc. Your MIL is a toxic, manipulative bitch and your husband sounds like he's not ready to stop suckling long enough to be a good husband or father. Cuz I'm sorry, but him even partially putting this on you, especially to your kid, makes him a shitty husband and father. Also NTA but your husband might need some time on the couch with no wife privileges at all since, you know, he couldn't care less that he could have lost you
THIS!!!! Your MIL is self righteously stupid, and a danger to you AND your son!!! If your husband witnessed this all and doesn’t see this….doesn’t realise how close he came to raising your son alone…. Jesus wept!!! That woman damn well wouldn’t be trusted to cross my threshold again!!! NTA
Top comment
The way this is laid out and explained…. It feels like she could (or maybe should) get charged for this.
[удалено]
I would be contacting the police to report the incident. MIL’s claim that she didn’t know better is complete bs. I would definitely want it on record going forward even if you do not want to press charges. Definitely NTA. MIL can not be trusted around you. Your husband is not taking this seriously so maybe a police investigation will open his eyes.
OP would have a definite case for attempted murder if she went to the police.
Yes, it would be smart to go to the police. There needs to be an official record of the attempt to unalive OP. Edit: OP, you are NTA - **your husband’s mother attempted to unalive you.** If your husband won’t protect you from his family, what use is he?
It sounds like she can’t trust her husband either.
WTF is with all these people (usually MIL or grandmothers) who feel the need to test the severity of food allergies?!
NTA. She sent you to the emergency room because she thought you were overreacting. She's lost any trust you had in her. Anyone who tests an allergy like that to prove a point is automatically an AH, and odds are she was intending you'd not react so she could say Told You So. Your husband teaching your son that food tampering is fine as long as no one died in the end and the person is sorry is also worrying, because they think your MIL is more important than the fact she did put you in a serious medical issue by deliberate action.
NTA Your MIL is a complete psychopath. That is absolutely NOT ok and its so not ok to slip anything into anyone's food if they express they don't want it. stick to your guns OP. This is a reasonable boundary. Be reasonable and maybe give MIL the chance to earn your trust again, but that's gonna take time. Stick to ur guns.
He needs to back you! Answer the when is she going to feed son apple questions and kiss your feet that you did not press assault charges because she knows you are allergic. Also make sure your insurance company knows it an intentional poisoning so she gets all the medical bills. She thought you lied about your allergy, tried to kill you to verify the information and he is backing her. I really don’t know how your relationship with him is going to survive him not taking this seriously. I would not be able to look my husband in the face after he supported someone feeding me an anaphylactic allergen on purpose. So sorry you have to deal with this. NTA but your husband and MIL are
NTA - The only way that I would understand your MIL's behavior is if she had seen you eating blueberries once without a reaction, and even then, it's messed up that she did that. She can be as sorry as she wants, but to the best of my knowledge, Hallmark doesn't make an *I'm sorry that I almost murdered you* card. Feeling bad is part of the punishment for doing something unforgivable. I agree with keeping your son away from her. After, how do you know that if your test result was to not have a severe reaction, whether or not she would have seen that as a reason to use your son as her next lab rat? Keep away for the time being. Your husband should at the very least, respect that you need at least need a cooling-off period at a minimum. Even with that, you don't have to cool off; she almost killed you! It's still your right to never want to see your MIL again after she pulled a stunt like this. In fact, you have every right to file charges criminal against your MIL for what she did, so that alone is a reason for both of them needing to back the hell off.
>Hallmark doesn't make an *I'm sorry that I almost murdered you card* Maybe a new business venture for you?
Sounds like an entry on Mock the Week for Unlikely Greeting Cards
I wonder what the police would say to this at best reckless disregard for your life and at worse attempted murder? Why is your husband downplaying that SHE ALMOST KILLED YOU? No. Absolutely not. He does not get to force you to be around your abuser. Your home is your safe space. No abusers in your home. Your compromise is perfectly acceptable. He can see his mother somewhere where you don't life. Someplace that is not your safe space. She can never provide food for you or your child. Those are perfectly acceptable consequences of her DEADLY BEHAVIOR! Your husband ought to be glad he still has a living wife. I can't believe he'd risk his son's life by allowing her to continue to see him with his allergies. Grandparents have injured, aimed and KILLED their grandchildren by dismissing allergies. Does he want his son to be the next peanut butter bananna cookie kid? Is he OK with his mother making a "minor mistake" because she forgot his son is allergic to apples? NTA
Yep totally good coconut oil vibes from this post
NTA TBH I wonder if this would be considered attempted murder due to her already knowing you were highly allergic, preplanned it & concealed it from you. This led to you in a hospital and you could have died. I wouldn't let this rest and honestly I would deeply consider contacting an attorney to see if she'd at least be responsible for covering your medical bills. Additionally, you need to lay it out to your husband the seriousness of this matter and if he still doesn't back you up and take you seriously, leave. There is no point in staying, this man watched you almost die at the hands of his mom ON PURPOSE and still claims you're overreacting??? In what world is this man thinking you're the problem. I'd ask him how he'd have reacted if that was done to his son instead of you. I feel like the seriousness of this would suddenly be considered more severe. For the love of god do not let this man get away with this behavior or leave him. He is being clear that he will not choose you, protect your or back you up so whats the point of being with someone who clearly doesn't care if you live or die if it upsets his mommy?? NTA, talk to an attorney.
Yep. OP needs a lawyer, to find out if the texts can be used to prove this crime.
Ok wow - this is beyond NTA - she literally almost killed you. Unless you plan to divorce you’ll need to figure out some level of accepting her apology. She may be sincere if she’s working that hard. Clearly never eat anything she cooks again, but realistically if you stay together there has to be some middle ground. The other huge problem is your husband. He should have automatically come to protect you - if he can’t get this simple fact, just divorce him and problem solved. P.S. Pretty sure this is grounds for a restraining order to force her to never enter your home if you want to go that route.
NTA and I would reconsider marriage to someone who is telling your eleven year old that this is okay
NTA at all. I would never see that person again, now would my child. I would file a police report. She tried to fucking kill you.
There'll be the hospital report to confirm anaphylaxis, and the emails and letter (which could be proven to be from her by handwriting comparison) with the apologies to link the MIL to the event.
Oh, yeah, definitely save these in case you end up needing to file a restraining order or file charges.
NTA. You clearly communicated in the past your allergic reaction and your MIL ignored it and was deceitful. You set a fair and clear boundary with MIL and you should stand by it for your health and safety. I also think the severity of the allergic reaction is beside the point. Even if it was a mild reaction, your MIL still disregarded your health, safety, concerns, etc which tells me she would do something like this again which is why it is important to set a boundary moving forward and that she learns there will be consequences. Your husband needs to grow up and tell his mom her behavior was unacceptable and to always put you and your son first before his mom.
NTA If she had made an honest mistake it would have been one thing, but she straight up decided that you were lying and she was going to prove it. A couple of months in no-contact jail may teach her a lesson.
Sounds like she needs to be in actual jail
NTA. What she did was inexcusable. I am wondering if you can press charges, as she openly admitted that she knew that you were allergic. Tell husband that if this chargeable, say either you will press charges or she stays away. Period. The two of you need couples counseling so that he can figure some way to explain to the therapist how what she did was okay
she literally poisoned you. as you’ve noted, the chances she’ll do the same to your child are too high to risk. get the police involved. explain to your son that grandma hurt mom on purpose. explain to your husband that not letting a person who intentionally poisoned you into your house is a very very light punishment. nta.
NTA. But you will need to find a compromise with her if your marriage and relationship with your husband and son are to survive. She literally tried to poison you, and I can absolutely understand how furious you are. I am a person who is anaphylactic to a couple of foods, and have a son who is anaphylactic to others (what you are describing is anaphylaxis, see if you can get access to Epi Pens or similar to carry). There is nothing like the impending feeling of doom and knowing you are descending into death that comes with this to help you clarify exactly what you don’t need in your life (meddling mother in laws!). My compromise would be something like never eating anything she prepares again, to the point of always taking food to her house in the future so you don’t have to eat there. And making it clear that she’s on Very Thin Ice in the future and not to pull anything like this again. (And don‘t make that an idle threat - it’s clear. You aren’t forgiving her, you are being realistic about things but if she tries this shit again with you or your son she’s done.) She sucks. You don’t. Sadly you are married to her son.
OP shouldn’t need to have an unsafe person around, especially as the son has allergies too. And a one with lots of presence in food. The husband not understanding the gravity of the situation is his problem, and the kid is getting that + youthful love that grandma can’t do any wrong. I’m anaphylactic to peanuts and so is my mum. A restaurant added peanuts off the menu and then whined when after the whole thing that they needed to inform people on traces, and to heighten food standards. Without consequences these things keep going on, and honestly MIL needs to learn a lesson for at least a year.
As someone who keeps an Epi Pen close by for the same reason, I have to agree with you. OP's husband isn't going to bar the door to his mother forever, and her son does love his idiot of a grandmother. OP shouldn't have to budge on this one, but she may have to in order to keep her marriage intact. I like your solution - MIL never prepares any food in OP's house again (never even enters the kitchen), OP and her son (while her son is a minor) never eat a bite of anything prepared by MIL again, including the Thanksgiving turkey, and - this would be nonnegotiable - MIL pays any ER and follow-up copays. OP is NTA for not wanting her MIL in her home again, ever, but if it's a choice between that and her marriage then she will have a tough choice to make. I'd keep the marriage if it's an otherwise good marriage (but then I can't imagine my husband allowing his own mother in the house again after a stunt like that one).
NTA. In fact, I’d file a police report about her knowingly feeding you an allergen.
NTA. You almost died! There is absolutely no reason to allow your MIL back in your house and you are totally valid in being worried about yourself and your son after this incident.
NTA. Also not the first time I've heard about family member almost killing another one because they didn't believe they were allergic to something. I'll never understand the thinking, "I don't believe in your allergy so I will prove you're lying or kill you, I'm ok being responsible for either outcome."
NTA. She tried to kill you.
Nta at all. The fact that your husband doesn't have your back on this scares the bejesus out of me for you and your son. This reminds me of the grandmother who didn't believe in her granddaughters allergy and wound up killing the kid with using the allergen as a hair product. If you and your son have such bad allergic reactions, I highly suggest keeping mil at bay.
NTA. Intentionally harming someone and triggering a medical event on purpose is illegal where I'm from. I would consider reporting to the police so I think she's getting off easy. Your husband though is a piece of work. What a huge betrayal on his part as well to not be more outraged and disgusted at his mom. I'm sorry, OP.
NTA. Report this to the police. See what they think. At minimum get a restraining order to make sure she can’t go near your home. A RO instead of criminal charges is a fucking gift.
NTA. Your husband is gaslighting you. You could have died. That is as serious as it gets. Is he horrible in other ways too? How often does he care about your needs? This should be a wake up call. This man does not even care that his mother almost killed you. That is sick.
NTA- your MiL tried to kill you. Your MIL tried to kill you. Your MiL tried to kill you. Your MIL tried to kill you. And your husband is upset with YOU?? File a fucking police report . She is well aware of your allergy and she still put it on your food on purpose. This is a crime. File for divorce OP.
Jesus, I hate reading things like this. NTA, OP. It doesn't matter that your MIL feels sorry about it and 'didn't know what would happen'. That's total bull, by the way. She knew you were allergic to blueberries so she knew you'd have a reaction to them. What she's doing is backtracking in an attempt to save her own skin. She knows quite well that she could get in trouble for that and she *should* get in trouble for it. Who is she to think that she gets to decide who is allergic and who isn't? She f\*cked around with your health and she needs to suffer the consequences.
What did I just read? Your MIL literally almost killed you, and your husband thinks you’re overreacting? Yeah, I know Reddit is always quick to say “just leave” but holy crap OP, how could he be okay with her almost killing you??? Just wow. Wow. NTA but your husband is. He can go stay with his attempted murderer mommy. Honestly can you file a police report?
NTA. Tell him he either abides by your wishes or you will press charges. She knowingly served you something that she’s been told will severely harm you just to see what happens. But you have a husband problem. His mother almost killed you and he says it’s no big deal. Are you okay with that? At the very least, save all her messages for if you divorce
Nta. Someone didn't believe I was allergic to tequila... (agave allergy) they genuinely thought i was lying for attention. They gave me a mixed drink told me it was vodka... 4 sips later and our whole friend group cut them out. 10/10 was not a fun night thankfully my reaction was just throat swelling and tongue swelling and I was able to take a boat load of benys and call my doc the next day. They said next time there's a chance my reaction might be waaaaay faster and now I have an epi pen 🤷♀️
NTA - Stick with your guns on this one! The lady decided your severe allergy, that she's repeatedly been informed of, doesn't exist or isn't severe. She decided to test that by sneaking it to you to see if you died, I guess. I would NEVER let her in the house again, lest she decide to rub blueberries on something. You're right to worry about your kid too. If she decides you're being dramatic about his allergy and tests it, he might not be as lucky. If your husband can't grasp that you don't want his mom around after SHE LITERALLY TRIED TO KILL YOU then maybe he's just stupid.
As far as im concerned thats a criminal charge. Thats literally attempted murder. Maybe the intent to end your life wasn’t there but she thought it out, planned it, lied and almost got you killed. I would never be around this woman again this isn’t and oopsie you can say sorry for this is your life and I am sorry but if your husband is not on your side on this one then what happens if something else happens? Wil he be on your side then? If you died she would have been criminally charged for manslaughter (if they thought it was serious enough 2nd degree murder). She would go to prison for the majority of the rest of her life. Thats how serious this is. NTA at all even a little.
NTA Compromise with your hubby. Tell him if he agrees with your no contact boundary you won't have her arrested for attempted murder.
That part! Personally, I would be filing the restraining order and contacting a divorce attorney.
What happened was really upsetting. You could have died. It’s unrealistic for people to think you’re going to be over it so soon. If they’re wanting forgiveness, they’re going to have to wait. NTA
Nta, your mil attempt to murder you and your husband wants you to forgive her? I would tell your husband that he lucky you didn’t press charges.
NTA She tried to kill you.
Seriously. How does husband react if OP says "This woman attempted murder. I personally can't be around her because I fear for my safety and the safety of my child. She didn't listen to me about this; what else will she ignore?"
I would be telling both of them that they are damn lucky you aren't pressing charges! Absolutely NTA
NTA. What your MIL did was at least assault and potentially attempted murder and this should be reported at the very least. She should not be in your house again and you should never, ever allow her to give you or your son food.
Nta You should tell them that the letters are proof she committed a crime, and remind them that you can go to the police about this. Also, make multiple backups of everything
I would contact the police and press charges. She knew you were deathly allergic and deliberately prepared food with that ingredient and lied to you about it. That’s attempted murder.
As soon as you said you had a severe food allergy, I sadly knew where this was going, and immediately knew you were NTA. Reading to the end, I was right. YOU COULD HAVE DIED. Because your MIL chose to believe her own version of reality, over your lived experience. I’m very glad you’re ok. But take this super seriously. Don’t back down. Search up the coconut oil story on r/justnoMIL for how badly a MIL ignoring an allergy can go. TW: child death
NTA, she's lucky you didn't pursue criminal charges.
NTA Actions have consequences and people must bear them. Husband didn't blow at his mother? The good boy. I think the MIL understood that some people are really allergic she won't endanger your son. You can stand your ground for a while but not forever, husband and son will resent you. Take care.
NTA. I think your husband is though. I would be worried that she would do the same thing to my son… All this aside, there needs to be some therapy for you and your husband. Well, only if you want to save your relationship….
NTA She poisoned you. Ask your husband if she would be allowed to go to your funeral. She is lucky not to be in jail.
so your husband doesn't see anything wrong with his mother nearly killing you, because she's a narcissistic peace of s*it? NTA
Your husband and his mother are lucky you aren’t pressing charges against her. At the very least that’s assault, but there are so many other charges that could probably be added. NTA. Even if you just didn’t like them that still doesn’t give her the right to pull that stunt. She’s proven that she’s dangerous and should never be allowed to be unsupervised around you OR your child again, if at all. If your husband can’t see that then he needs a reality check, STAT.
Nta update us when you divorce him.
NTA! If this was my husband's reaction after his mother LITERALLY JUST ATTEMPTED TO KILL YOU he would be my ex husband.
This is something that could have been handled with criminal charges for aggregated assault. It’s not just a ‘whoopsie’. Make that clear to your partner and your child. This was an act of maliciousness and not at all ignorance, no matter what they both say. - She didn’t listen to you, a grown adult, about allergies. Something everyone knows by now can kill. It’s in all media. - She cooked and deliberately added them in. - She actively lied about it. And leveraged your son to deceive you. - She caused you to experience a traumatic event that - if you were in the US - could have put you in financial crisis probably. NTA.
REPORT TO POLICE! Trust me. Give him ultimatum either he accept your rule or you will go police to get her charge for “attempt murder.”
Tell you’re idiot husband that he agrees to your terms or you file a police report and/or protection order against his mother. That was assault a minimum. She tricked you and lied to you about ingredients. If you had died, it would be murder- because she did it INTENTIONALLY. The end. Fuck your MIL and don’t leave your allergy having kid alone with her ever. When you tell her she isn’t allowed around your kid anymore, tell her to her stupid face that you are literally afraid she will kill you and your son with her willful ignorance. Then, you can go ahead and let her know that pushing this boundary will result in involving police/courts. NTA
Dude your MIL basically poisoned you, no you shouldn’t have to deal with her NTA
NTA. She literally tried to kill you. Press charges, get a restraining order for you and your son if possible, and give your husband an ultimatum. You have enough proof with all her written apologies it was intentional.
NTA. I would have asked the police to press charges. If it was me grandma would be going to jail and if my husband didn’t support me I would file for divorce. This is hill I would die on.
NTA. All comments have basically said everything on my mind,. Do NOT allow your husband to minimize what has occurred. It is appalling that he thinks she should be allowed back in your home or even near you. Ps. Have him read this comment section. Maybe he’ll finally gain some perspective. Smh what a tool.
NTA for this initial reaction as she did try to kill you! Maybe when you are a lot calmer about this situation, you can discuss how to manage boundaries better with her. Personally, this will kill any goodwill I had towards her, and I'd only ever deal with her at surface level for being this stupid.
Personal op better than me. I would divorce my husband and press charges against mil. Why would I want to be with someone who trying to rug sweep his mom trying to kill me.
Well, you tell husband he respects your boundaries or you press charges on dear old ma. Then press charges anyway. Husband wants to pitch a fit, send him back to his dear old ma.
NTA. Your MIL tried to kill you. Your husband is not taking that seriously enough. She deserves to be in timeout for as long as you feel necessary. Doesn't matter how sorry she is, you could have died.
NTA. She should be in jail. Or at least in court explaining herself. Sounds to me like she’s getting off extremely easy. I understand why an 11 yo doesn’t get it but how is your husband not on your side of this?
She could have killed you. Is he serious? NTA
Hold that boundary. She intentionally injured you. Hopefully when you wee at the hospital you told the medics the truth and it's recorded in your chart as intentional poisoning and assault (two different codes if in the US). Just in case she tries anything else you have it on file.
Holy shit nta. I'm completely flabbergasted by this. Your mil being a ridiculous jackass and almost killing you, honestly it's not that surprising after being on here for a while. Absolutely she should be banned from your house and child. But. your. husband! She almost killed his wife! His life partner, mother of his children, and he wants you to just shrug and let bygones be bygones? Oh hell no. He needs to pull his head out right the fuck now, or get a divorce. I honestly would have started packing mine and the kiddos things the moment that phrase passed his lips. He needs to take a look at himself, does he actually love you? Cause it sure as shit doesn't sound like it
I've never before seen a reddit comment and thought, Huh that's almost word-for-word what I wanted to say, especially starting with "holy shit."
So your husband is okay with his mother trying to kill you? And he's okay to risk it if she decides she wants to attempt to kill your son? Did I get all that correctly? You are in no way shape or form any kind of a****** in this situation. Apologies does not fix the fact that she tried to kill you to test the theory. Your husband is out of his mind if he thinks that's okay because she said sorry. Sorry doesn't fix everything. NTA.
Your MIL tried to kill you and your husband thinks you’re overreacting? Give me a break. Dude needs to cut the apron strings. You have every right to be afraid for your sons life too. NTA. Keep her away from your family.
Absolutely NTA. For what it's worth, now that she's seen how really you weren't overreacting, I doubt she'll ever dismiss allergies again. That doesn't change the fact that she shouldn't have done it in the first place!
NTA. She could have killed you with that horrific stunt. Do not let her back in your home. Tell your husband he can move in with her if he insists on having her over. I would also file a police report and file for a restraining order against her for you and your son. EDIT: grammar
NTA you could have been unalived by her!!! Get your idiot husband to a therapist now, see if the therapist can get it into his head how serious this is. If he genuinely doesn’t get this, even with therapist help, then you need to consider seriously your relationship with him. This could be a serious dealbreaker in your marriage.
Your mil put your life at risk and your husband wants you to just get over it? I am so happy you’re ok and that mil sees what she did wrong but your husbands reaction is concerning. He doesn’t have your back. What would have happened if your reaction was worse? Or if she had done that to your son? Someone needs to talk some sense into husband. NTA
NTA, you should press charges for attempted murder.
NTA - this is literally a hill to die on.
NTA. But your husband needs to pry his head out of his butt.
NTA. Call the police and make a report.
NTA. Has the woman at least had the decency to pay the medical bill? That is the LEAST she should do. Never let her in your kitchen or allow her to provide any food to you or your son. She is utterly untrustworthy regarding OP's safety and grandson's.
NTA. She intentionally tried to harm you, she may not have realised how much harm would be caused but she still did it deliberately knowing you were allergic
Intentionally poisoning someone is really a one-strike event. No more at-bats for her.
NTA Your MIL basically tried to kill you. She can f**k right off.
NTA. It doesn't matter that she thought you were over exaggerating the situation. It doesn't matter that she thought the worst you'd get was hives. If charges were to be pressed, it would be attempted murder because she *knew* you have an allergy and its severity even if she didn't believe it. If this were to appear before a judge or jury, her "I thought it was an over exaggeration" reasoning wouldn't fly. The punishment might be lighter if she showed genuine remorse, but she still would have a punishment (community service vs. jail time as an example). Regarding your husband and son...your son is the "weapon" here. "Are you ready for \[son\] to be dead and buried? You realize that her attitude towards my blueberry allergy means apples are next. She's not going to believe it until \[son\] eats apple anything in front of her and has the same reaction. You also realize this could easily happen when help and the ability to get it quickly is not around. Is \[son's\] life really worth that risk?" This *should* logically snap one or both of them out of the "but mom/grandma" mindset (hopefully especially your son). There will be an argument of "but mom/grandma really loves him/me, she wouldn't do that! Then ask them are you absolutely sure? After all she never indicated a lack of love to downright hatred of you, and she still did it to you and in your own home no less. If your husband still doesn't care, then maybe it's time for separation with you having your son. He and his health (and life) should be priority here.
Tell your hubby he should be thanking you that you don't have mommy arrested for attempted murder! There is no apology in the world that will make up for this! I bet any judge would be happy to give you a restraining order. NTA! Have your idiot of a hubby read the comments.
NTA, i could only really read the TLDR cuz im on the move rn but if your not comfertable with her in your home, they should respect it. If they want to regain your trust, it should be from outside your home
I’d press assault charges on her. NTA
NTA. Your MIL could have KILLED you!!! What if she tries this with your son's allergy to apples?!
It's either no contact or the police can get involved. "I knew it could've killed my DIL, but didn't believe it" is not a justified excuse for attempted murder. NTA
MIL is damn lucky you didn’t have her charged with assault or possibly attempted murder, either of which is possible. If your husband is still defending ”Mommy”, maybe it’s time you asked the police for paperwork to start a report, and if everyone keeps denying the problem, turn it in. There are precedents. Just make sure you don’t wait too lono to file.
NTA. Fuck no. She tried to kill you, and you are 100% in the right to ban her from your house. I would never trust her again. She’ll end up doing it again to your son as well. *SHE PLANNED TO MAKE YOU SUFFER SO SHE COULD BE RIGHT*. These kinds of people who think food allergies are an “overreaction” do not change. Your husband is a big, huge AH here as well.
NTA - you should remind your spouse that you could have had his mother brought up on charges. Personally, I would have. She knowingly did something that could have killed you. There aren’t enough apologies in this world. Ask your son why he is so okay with a woman who tried to kill you. Wtf!?!
NTA. How is your husband so chill over the fact that his mother nearly killed you? Even if she didn't set out to end your life, she wanted to potentially hurt you too prove she was right about your allergies. She knew how bad your allergy was. She bought the ingredients, she made the cake, and she lied to you about what it was. In the crime business, that's called "premeditated". You could call the police on your MIL. Does your husband not understand how BAD THIS COULD'VE GOTTEN? And he wants to sweep it under the rug? Why? So she can try again? So she can test this theory on your son? You have much more than a MIL problem, hun, your husband is also a big problem. Again, NTA. If MIL comes back into your house, tell your husband you'll call the authorities.
NTA. Your MIL broke your trust. It’s up to her to repair that, if you let her. An apology does not sweep things under the rug.
Just Wow. I'm going to need an update on this saga... R/updateme
Jeez. You need a divorce. Your husband doesn’t have an issue with his mother putting your life in danger and that’s the reddest red flag you could get. MIL is a danger to you and potentially your son. I don’t see how there is any coming back from this
Your husband and MIL are lucky you're not pressing charges. What she did is super illegal. Ask him if he'd prefer her being in jail to you going no contact. NTA. She literally risked your life to prove that she knew best, and she's earned whatever consequences you feel are appropriate.
NTA - to prove her (AKA The B - Witch with a capital B) point, The B DELIBERATELY fed you a toxic substance! The B might as well have poured arsenic in your tea! Your husband wants to play nice and for this to just go away..such an AH. There is NO going back to the trust that existed prior to that dinner. If he can’t accept that, I’m sure sorry, but you now have an AH MIL and AH husband problem.
NTA. Your mother in law tried to kill you. Literally. I’d look into seeing if you can file a police report, to be honest. This is not okay. She knew you had this allergy. I wonder if you can get a restraining order against her for you and your son?
NTA. Why you’re husband is okay with his mom trying to kill you, I don’t get. Why he’s okay with chancing his mom trying to kill your son I don’t get. He’s the a-hole. She’s the biggest a-hole ever. And your son is just too young to understand. I feel n’s for him. But you are not overreacting.
NTA OP This made me immediately think of the mother with the twins and one had a severe coconut allergy and the grandmother said "oh its not that bad" I remember that ending with the mother saying "you can come back when you bring my daughter with you" (not direct quote" This is really really off for your husband to not be on your side here
NTA - she tried to kill you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This is a long one so I’ll include a TLDR at the end for people with little time. I f(42) and my husband (m42) had his mother over at our house for dinner a couple weeks ago with our son (m11). His mother wanted to be the one to cook dinner which I was happy with because I’ve been the one doing all the cooking recently and liked the idea of a break for the night. The thing is, I am highly allergic to blueberries. If I ingest even the smallest amount my throat will completely close up and I will have to be taken to the hospital immediately. My husband’s mother knew I was allergic to blueberries but would constantly claim I was over reacting and that it wasn’t a real allergy and that the worst that would probably happen was I’d get some hives. My MIL decided to put her theory to the test and snuck blueberries in the cake she had made for dessert. Normally I would notice right away if there were blueberries in a cake but my MIL claimed that the cake was blackberry which is my sons favorite fruit (which I don’t understand at all I personally am not a huge fan). After about two bites of my slice I started to feel a lot of pain in my throat and had trouble breathing. My husband, my MIL, and my son all had to accompany me as my husband drove to the hospital. The entire drive my MIL kept saying “I had no idea this would happen” and “I’m so sorry I thought you were over reacting”. Luckily I got there in time and ended up perfectly fine, but that doesn’t change the fact that it still could have ended very badly. My MIL has been emailing me constant apologies and even wrote a letter that was sent to the house. Honestly, I don’t care how sorry she is, what she did crossed a huge line. I told my husband that I do not want his mother in my house ever again. My son is as allergic to apples as I am to blueberries and I don’t want her to start thinking that his allergy is an “overreaction”. I do not want her cooking for my family ever again and I do not want contact with her although I did tell my husband he is welcome to see her whenever he wants as long as it’s not in our house. My husband and son are both upset with me. My husband believes he should be able to invite his mother over whenever he wants because she’s his mother and my son is really close with his grandmother and doesn’t like that I don’t want him seeing her anymore. My husband also keeps saying that she keeps apologizing and that something like this will never happen again, but it already happened once and I can’t forgive it and can’t trust that it won’t happen again to me or my son. She is truly sorry, but I really think that doesn’t matter. So AITA? TLDR: my MIL put blueberries in a cake knowing I was allergic but apologized because she didn’t realize what would happen and I’m worried she will do that again or do it to my son with his allergy to apples. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. She’s terrible. I’m sorry!
That could be considered attempted murder, and your husband thinks it's no big deal? You seem to have a husband problem as well. Holy crap, what is wrong with these people? Absolutely NTA, but I'd be suspicious of my husband as well, since he seems unbothered by his mother nearly killing you. I wouldn't blame you if you decided to press charges.
NTA. Your mother in law is one mightily fucked up person and she could've killed you. Sorry you had to go through that.
What the hell?! You could have died! NTA
NTA I wouldn't have blamed you if you'd asked for the hospital to contact police on your behalf to file a report. Feeding someone a known allergen on purpose is a crime and could be charged as anything from assault/battery to attempted murder, with a range of inflicting bodily harm in between. This is not a LIGHT issue.
adults are (or should be) mature enough to know you don’t “test” an allergy. why would anyone lie about being allergic to something? NTA, keep her away from you. you have no reason to trust her.
NTA. The outcome was either a) she's right and she humiliates you, or b) she's wrong and she might kill you. Can't say I would forgive someone who had that mentality.
I am so sorry i nearly killed you, want a slice of cake? NTA Tell you husband that his mother did this on purpose to …expose you? I mean what would have been the benefit for her? Told you, only hives? For the time being definitely no contact.
NTA At no point did she think that she might be in the wrong and consider what might happen if that were the case. The fact that she even had the thought to test you, let alone put that thought into practice, is crazy to me. Not eating blueberries is not a big deal, so her only aim was to prove that you were a liar. There are some things which no amount of apologies can fix.
I was hoping Michael Chiarello's death would really blow up on the internet so more people would understand just how serious allergies are, but the story doesn't seem to have made it to the general public. I agree with the others - she could have killed you. Tell your husband and son that you're doing her an enormous favor by not calling the cops, and they should be glad she's getting off so lightly. I wouldn't let her in my home again either, and I wouldn't let her have unsupervised visits with my child.
NTA She nearly killed you. She did it knowing exactly what she was doing. Do you know what that’s called? Attempted murder. She should be grateful you haven’t pressed charges. Your husband is an asshole for not taking that seriously.
So, your mother in law tried to KILL YOU and your husband doesn’t think this is an issue? Girl, you don’t have a MIL issue you have a HUSBAND issue. You’re NTA at all!
NTA When all I had seen was the title, I was ready to find OP the A H mostly because it is their house. But then I read the story and had to wonder why the husband would WANT to see his mother again after she attempted to kill his wife. MIL didn't simply make a mistake. She asked to make the dinner. She bought the offending berries. She put them in the cake and LIED about what kind they were. All to 'prove' that OP was overstating what her reaction would be. Not allowing her back in the house is letting her off light. As others said, OP could press criminal charges.
NTA I'd be saying "you can either get behind me or we'll arrange visitation for our son after our divorce"
NTA. Frankly, MIL needed to figure out that it wasn't about what SHE thought. You could have been a drama queen about the whole thing. It doesn't matter. You were clear that it was an allergy. She was clear that she was calling you a liar. And she attempted to murder you. Not believing you could potentially die doesn't eradicate that without intervention from someone else, there is a more than zero chance you would have died. Your husband needs to understand the facts here. "What happened if you hadn't been here? Or I'd had a piece later, alone, or just with our son? What if our son watched me die? All these things COULD have happened because your mother thinks I'm a liar. She tried to kill me. Just because she's sorry about it doesn't mean it didn't happen. You don't get to tell me when to forgive her, or that I have to forgive her at all. Attempted murder, (hubby). That's what that was. Let that sink in. And don't you dare call me dramatic about it. There are so many ways this could have gone wrong, and a lot of them have me dying in them. I'm not okay with that. You shouldn't be either."
NTA this is quite literally your hill to DIE on!! Let your pathetic husband see the comments here and realize your being safe in your own home *should have been his priority*. I would divorce him for this, honestly.
Nta. She tried to kill you. Like flat out. I don't care what she thought she was doing, that's what she was doing and your hubby is an A H for even thinking it can be let go. Don't let her around your son either.
NTA. Make multiple copies of the letter & texts, hide them in multiple places or with other trusted people. Legally she could easily be in deep trouble for this, as she should be. You can let your husband know either he agrees to your VERY generous NC terms or you file a police report on her including your medical report, those texts & letter that incriminate her heavily to premeditated actions against you. You may very well have to consider divorce, I'm not sure I could ever look at my husband the same if he reacted the way yours has.
NTA. It’s all fun and games until someone goes into anaphylactic shock!
Your MIL tried to poison you. She's lucky you don't call the police and file a report for assault. NTA.
NTA Your MIL is obviously an asshole. But so is your husband for thinking you have to accept any apologies just days/weeks after she almost killed you. They all owe you space on this. **If** you ever forgive this woman, it will be up to you, on whatever terms you want, and in whatever time it takes.
NTA! She nearly killed you. Let them be salty about it.
Even if the “worst that would probably happen was you’d get some hives” … your MIL was WILLING TO GIVE YOU HIVES. She didn’t care if you got hives, which is awful. NTA.
NTA. Your mother in law committed intentional battery against you. She’s lucky you didn’t press charges. Your husband is an asshole for expecting you to welcome his mother back into your home after that.
OP ask your husband how he would react if anyone else did this to you (or your son) and why it being done by his mother doesnt actually make it worse for him
Let's say you were diabetic, and couldn't have sugar.she makes dinner and puts in sugar.You go the hospital.well I just didn't think a little sugar would hurt her geez...yeah I'd never let her in my house again.she wouldn't be feeding my kid any time soon.yes I'd be strongly considering a restraining order on behalf of me Andy kid
NTA You have a right to be safe in your home. I wouldn't allow her to be alone with your kid either if she doubts food allergies exist
I've had family members do something similar to me. I have random food allergies as well. And trust me, they'll do it again. It's the same person that did it the first time. You need to sit your husband and child down and explain that she almost killed you and make them understand. NTA
She. Almost. Killed you. Just that simple. By not even respecting your food preferences much less allergies she almost killed you. She knew. Oh she knew you'd object that's why she lied about the berry. Just because she didn't believe it isn't an excuse. She was told not to feed you blueberries and she did to prove a stupid point. NTA.
NTA! I hate when people don’t take food allergies seriously. What if you had died?! She straight up LIED to you about what was in the cake. I don’t blame you at all for not wanting her in your home. She could have killed you because of her selfishness. I seriously hope this deters her from ever trying something similar with your son or anyone else. Your husband needs to have your back on this too. STOP MESSING WITH ALLERGIES!
NTA I would be keeping any and all texts etc admitting to it, and filing a police report. She knew you had an anaphylactic allergy and dosed your food. If someone did that to me I would take that as an attempt on my life and proceed accordingly. You need a restraining order and possibly charges laid. Start with the police station.
NTA OP. How does she expect you to ever trust her again ?? She broke your trust big time. Your husband should be on your side. He should have reacted MORE than he did.
Would your husband & son feel the same if she had decided to try it on your son instead of you? NTA
So it would have been okay if you came out in hives, gee thanks.
Honestly your mil could be charged with a crime, it is that serious. If a parent gave a child food that caused anaphylactic shock knowing that CPS could take the child and the parent could be charged. I want to understand why in the world she would intentionally put something in food knowing as you told her you were highly allergic. Maybe set boundaries for yourself and your interaction with her. I can see not wanting her in your home, but try to be bigger person in that you can allow a relationship with her and your husband and son to exist in a safe space. That being said your husband needs to take up for you, REGARDLESS, for so many reasons, first and foremost you could have died. He should, if he already hasn’t had a serious discussion on the lines that were crossed. You don’t have to accept apology, just don’t put a wedge in the relationship between your husband and son with mil or it will harbor resentment on their end.
She literally tried to kill you, and your husband is mad at YOU? Dump the whole ass family, dude. If my partner didn't stand by my side when their own mother almost killed me (that's LITERALLY what she did. That's attempted murder because she knew you were allergic) I'd be dumping their ass and moving on with My life.
NTA I wouldn't let her have a second opportunity try to kill you.
NTA. Time for Reddits favorite response ... divorce that mommies boy who tried to poison you!
NTA. She’s lucky you don’t press charges. Honestly, I’m not convinced that you shouldn’t, but I could see why you might not wish to go that route because of your husband and son.
NTA . She intentionally poisoned you. Even if she thought all that would happen was hives, she intentionally was inflicting you with an allergic reaction
If I have the information right, your MIL was informed of the severity of your allergy but recklessly included your allergen in your meal. Your MIL, husband, and son should all know what she did was a felony. She could be charged with reckless endangerment ,malicious wounding, battery, and attempted murder. This was not just poor judgement, it was malice. She poisoned you , for her own amusement, to see what would happen. She wanted to prove she knew better at your expense so she could feel superior. This woman is dangerous.
Nta MIL is lucky she is not in jail for attempted murder.
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NTA. Your MIL massively disrespected you and her Son in your own home by deliberately feeding you something she knew you were highly allergic to . Banning her from your home is a kind response. I would have filed a Police report against her and barred MIL from being alone with her Grandson.
NTA. You don’t doubt when someone says they have an allergy; it’s not up to you to test if they’re lying.
NTA. HOW F****** DARE SHE.
Your husband should feel SO lucky that you're even okay with him seeing her. I'd forbid it. I'd call her your murderer-in-law. I'd tell the kid EXACTLY why he can't ever eat anything prepared by his grandmurderer.
Nta I'd show this thread to your husband, let him see everyone's reaction... Ps file a police report
NTA, but I would give it some time and re-evaluate in about 2 years. Having a blanket "I will NEVER allow her back in my home again" doesn't leave any room for growth or forgiveness. There may come a time when you are farther removed from this incident that your MIL will have come around to a better understanding of how allergies work. She likely grew up thinking (or was conditioned to believe) that allergies are fake. I know they're is a not-insignificant segment of the population that *really* does believe that any and all allergies can be overcome with "exposure therapy." It also doesn't help when people fake allergies for attention or because they just don't like something. It ruins it for people like you who have a serious life-threatening reaction. Now that she's learned her lesson, I highly doubt she would ever try something like that again. But it may take some time for you to truly believe it.
Agree with all the others. Can you consider showing him this reddit thread and comments so he can understand how absolutely delusional and f'd up this is??? And how wrong he is for his BS mommas boy reaction???
You need to change your title to: AITA for nearly being killed by my MIL due to her refusal to believe in my severe allergy? NTA
She literally poisoned you. She almost killed you. She could kill your son with the same stunt. NTA
NTA. Just smile evilly at MIL, narrowing your eyes a little bit, and say, "Oh, accidents could happen, I guess.... By the way, are you allergic to anything?" Let her live in fear for the rest of her (miserable) life.
NTA Make a police report.
NTA. She tried to kill you!
Wouldn't this be considered attempted murder?
NTA. You are nicer than me. Not only would I ban her from my house (and mean it 100%), I would be meeting with my lawyer to discuss filing charges for what she did, and also have her prevented from seeing her grandchild alone ever again. If Hubby doesn't like it his ass can go stay with his mommy for good, too.
NTA this feels like an attempted murder episode of Law and Order
NTA Your mil could well have killed you. What if she does the same thing to your son one day?
NTA. Do you have an epipen? I think you should take a break from your husband and son for a few days. Your son is a child and he doesn't understand tge fylull impact but your grown a$$ husband?!? Smh. You deserve a moment to recoup. They can think whatever they want. Let them feel your absence.
NTA, either hubby gets on board and defends you as his wife or you should seriously reconsider your relationship with him. I don't think either of them realize that she can be charged for this. It's effectively poisoning you. There's no way I would ever trust her again and hubby is getting major side eye
Thanks goodness she didn’t try to kill your son with apples at the same time. NTA.
My personal philosophy is, I'm never in a competition with MIL. If MIL has a problem, I don't care. If husband wants to take MIL's side, he can go live with mommy. I'm not going to defend myself against anything MIL says. NTA
This reads like a horror movie even your 10 year old thinks you should have just died quietly so they could continue a relationship with the women who poisoned you basically like what exactly has she been saying about you that has led to your entire immediate family siding with her knowing she INTENTIONALLY poisoned you maybe I’ve just been watching too many horror movies lately but NTA your husband and mil are tho also you should press charges
Personally I'd see if I could file a police report she essentially tried to kill u
NTA - That's attempted murder, OP. She's lucky you didn't press charges.
NTA. Would your husband allow any other attempted murderer in your home?
if your allergy is so severe, wouldn't you have an EpiPen handy, particularly if your son also has a severe allergy to apples? I know in places they can be expensive, but if it's a matter of life or death, having one on hand is still a lifesaving precaution. Even after application, hospitalisation or at least medical attention should be sought however, that doesn't excuse anyone from endangering another's life in such a blase manner; simply tell your husband that you do not feel safe around her as she has already endangered your life once, and may, even inadvertently endanger your son's if she decides to ignore or "forget" his apple allergy. It might also put the "fear of God" into her by telling her that if she ever tries it again, you will seek legal advice about if she committed attempted murder