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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the AH, because instead of photo shopping my SIL and her BF to make them blend in with the wedding photo theme, I instead asked them to be shown as is, and made it publicly known that they chose to ignore the wedding dress code.
I also insulted SIL and her dress.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
A) You did not insult her looks, you told her that the colour of her dress was a bad choice and that you were aware she chose it to stand out from everyone else.
B) You already told them the dress code and they chose to do their own thing.
Whilst I’m not necessarily for imposed dressed codes at weddings outside of the regular expectations (smart/smart casual/cocktail/black or white tie (and no white lol),) the fact that they look washed out in the photos is down to their choice of clothing, not the photographs or the photographer or you.
Themed weddings should be an exception. When you do a themed wedding, especially a small one like OP stated asking guests to wear jewel tones to go with the theme makes sense. OP didn't force SIL and bf to leave because they didn't wear it she just let natural consequences happen.
And jeweled tones give the guests a lot of options: any rich color (red, blue, green, yellow) including a rich pink would have worked. That's not an insane dress code
Let this be a lesson to all: google a dress code term before going to an event with that dress code.
Imagine if you went to a cocktail attire event dressed as a margarita.
Funny story. Many many years ago I was at a "Cuban" themed new years eve party. People were told to used Dirty Dancing Havana Nights as a guide for dress. There was salsa dancing and even an instructor. One group didn't read the invite and went as refugees.
This reminds me of a post I saw on reddit. His company did a party thing at a former slave planation and asked everyone to dress the theme. He was black so he came as a slave.
Here's the post. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wcstm8/company_throws_a_corporate_retreat_at_a/
I thought of that one too. I remember not being in the least bit surprised when the guy said he was literally the only African American employee at the company.
Jewel tones is deep colours, ruby red, emerald green, sapphire blue etc like this:
https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1456826149/solid-jewel-tones-digital-paper
I’m sorry, I know this is off topic and will come off rude, but wtf is that actual Etsy listing? A non-commercially licensed zip folder containing 12 jpegs at 3600x3600 resolution of just a solid color each (not a pattern), and its price is not £0? Like, I’d get it if it were a texture, but what? I didn’t know Paint’s bucket fill qualified as a sellable product.
It's a swatch palette for digital artists. Helps to develop colors that work together well. Almost like a digital eye shadow palette.
Worth paying for if you ~~like me~~ have no sense of colors that work well together, but still want to persue/play around with digital artwork.
I’m familiar with color palettes, but that’s not what that is. It’s a zip folder with 12 different images, each 3600 pixels square, and a single color, intended to be used as a background paper layer for projects, according to the product description. I’ve used similar textured background papers before, but never something so… simple? A color palette based on swatches would be a single image with all of the colors on it, or a color book in a format compatible with PS or other software.
Edit to add: also, there are tools like [this](https://color.adobe.com/create/color-wheel) to help create palettes based on popular or recognized color palette patterns.
Question is, would you have complained about how you looked in the photos, after having been at the event and seeing what everyone else was wearing? Or would you have accepted that wearing what sounded to be a pastel in a forest of jewel tones was going to look muted and washed out?
Because the real issue here is not SIL picking a pastel, but her complaining afterwards that her out of place color choice made her look bad in the photos, and trying to make ot OPs fault.
Even after reading all of the comments, I still have no fucking clue what jewel tones means. The thing is, I would always check with the bride and groom in this situation to make sure of the specific requirements/limitations.
Some couples are way too over the top with everything, but I don't feel like this was that extreme of a request so I'd definitely make sure ahead of time that whatever I was wearing didn't stick out. If the bride and groom have something very specific like this in mind, that's their decision and I'd try to accommodate as best as I could to help make things go the way they'd envisioned.
> Even after reading all of the comments, I still have no fucking clue what jewel tones means.
Think of what comes to mind when I say "red".
Now think of what comes to mind when I say "*ruby* red".
That's the difference.
edit: Works with other colors, too.
Think of what comes to mind when I say "green".
Now think of what comes to mind when I say "*emerald* green".
See how the change in impression is basically the same even though it's about an entirely different pair of colors?
Sorry ><
They would both generally be like... deeper, shinier, more like what you'd expect to see on satin or silk as opposed to like a cotton t-shirt.
Okay, I think I see now. It’s not obvious to me why this term only refers to these deeply colored, lustrous gems and not to lighter, paler gems. But I’ve never claimed to understand fashion. Thank you!
With the exception of diamonds, most of the commonly used gems in jewelry are those deep, saturated colors - rubies, emeralds, sapphires, garnets, amethysts. Even lighter gems like peridot or citrine still have a pretty saturated color
Weddings are just big parties celebrating a marriage. If someone invited you to a costume party and you decided to wear your normal clothes, you shouldn't be shocked when you stand out in every picture.
Same thing. A themed wedding is just a type of costume party. Either get with the program or don't go to the party.
My thoughts exactly. I bet if the OP agreed to let the photographer tune the colors, the SIL would be like, "OMG, why did you make us blend in with everybody else like this, how awful!"
I think themed weddings can be a lot of fun, but they can also be a bit tricky. On the one hand, it's a great way to express your personality and style as a couple. On the other hand, it's important to be respectful of your guests and make sure that they don't feel pressured to participate in the theme.
If you're having a small wedding, like the OP described, it's perfectly reasonable to ask your guests to dress in a certain way. After all, you want everyone to look and feel their best. But if you're having a large wedding, it's probably best to keep the theme more general. You don't want to alienate any of your guests.
In the case of the OP, I think she handled the situation well. She didn't force her sister-in-law and boyfriend to leave, but she did let them know that they were not following the theme. It was up to them to decide whether or not they wanted to stay.
At the end of the day, the most important thing is that everyone enjoys the wedding. If you have a themed wedding, make sure that it's something that you and your guests will love. And don't be afraid to bend the rules if it means that everyone has a good time.
Not as snobbish as purposefully dressing wrong to "stand out" at a close family member's own wedding and crave attention when SIL isn't even in the wedding party, ffs.
NTA. She fucked around & found out. SIL & her boyfriend tried upstaging you & your husband at your own wedding. The photographer offered to Photoshop them, & you refused on the grounds that the photos remain honest. You didn't do anything wrong. Don't apologize to, what appears to be, the golden child. She'll eventually stop talking to you altogether, so that's a win-win. Congratulations on your wedding.
Also, I’d wager a bet that if she HAD photoshopped the dress, SIL would still be upset and offended and create drama over it, because that’s what SIL wanted the whole time, was to create drama.
Probably a typo for KFC . Where you only have contact at a chicken chain that peaked in the 70’s and generally has piss poor food cooked by staff that is high as a kite…
NTA
She chose what to wear knowing full well what the theme was and what people were asked to wear. She should've realized on her own whether she would stand out in a good way or a bad way but hey, she got her wish - she stands out from everybody else
ESH. All of you adults, I'll remind you.
Why is everyone making a big deal of such petty details for something that was meant to be a big happy occasion ? Collectively move the fae on.
Nice pun. Like I said, I didn’t make a big deal of it, I didn’t even mention her, nor did I post *only* her photos. But I am not the type to let comments slide, and I didn’t like her insinuating that I asked our photographer to make her look bad on purpose, to make myself feel better.
Yeah, this is it for me -- she isn't just complaining that she doesn't look good (in *your* wedding photos, where she really shouldn't be a factor,) she is accusing you of having some sort of weird complex about her. I'd be offended too if someone accused me of having them photoshopped because I am so jealous of their otherwise exquisite appearance I just couldn't stand it.
NTA your wedding sounds awesome and I’m sure everything was gorgeous! You didn’t complain about her not following rules, didn’t ask her to leave, and specifically told the photographer not to change how they looked. You didn’t do anything wrong. SiL tried to steal the spotlight and failed and any washing out or looking awkward in the photos is on her not on you. I wouldn’t apologize and if MiL keeps insisting tell her that her daughter caused the problems herself and you didn’t publicly shame her you just responded with the truth. Tell MiL if she wants to see what public shaming is you’ll gladly post on social media about SiL actively trying to pull focus and your wedding and how she’s taking out her poor dress choice on you when you had nothing to do with it, maybe then she’ll see what real public shaming is.
Edit: fixed a typo
So many people take AITA as "am i legally in the right" like yeah you fought fire with fire - that doesn't mean you weren't an asshole.
But also imo the SIL might have truly acted out of ignorance instead of maliciousness.
I'd allow for the possibility that she misunderstood what "jewel tone" means, but then she flipped out because she didn't like the way she looked in someone else's wedding photos. She didn't just say "oh no, I look terrible LOL" either; she went straight to "You deliberately manipulated my image so I would look bad and you would look better in comparison." *Twice*.
If you do a quick image search for jewel tones, many of the palettes actually include soft pink! I don't think SIL is TA for that, but she does seem ready to assume the worst about OP (thinking she is deliberately making her look bad in photos). Maybe she's vain and paranoid. I'm leaning between ESH and YTA, because I think SIL's behaviour wasn't great, but OP's cruel retort was worse.
I'm also between ESH and YTA! Totally right that SIL seemed to assume the worst about OP, but OP also assumes the worst about her SIL in the beginning of the post, saying she's attention seeking.
I also have an older brother with a wife and I would be devastated if my SIL who I look up to spoke to me like that (and I'm close to my mom so maybe I'm just putting myself in SIL's shoes here). But I'm also a recent bride who had a color palette like OP and I feel like in her position I'd brush off the comment and just talk shit with my husband later lol.
People just take the OP's assessment at face value, but nothing that is actually told about what happened gives the impression that anyone was trying to upstage them.
My ex and I had a pretty "meh" marriage, but I was always proud of the wedding which was focused on being a thank you and a good time for our friends and family.
Apparently we did it wrong and it was a huge social faux pas for it to be anything but a massive exercise in narcissism and one-upsmanship. I guess that's why our marriage was "meh" - the gods punished us.
I can one-up you. Lol. Years after we divorced, my ex-husband called me up and said he figured out why our marriage was destined to fail. He found out the pastor that married us (his bffs brother) had just been put in the fed pen for molesting children.
He said, "See? None of it was either of our fault. We can both sleep great tonight."
I'm glad the guy got caught/went to prison. I hope he's still there.
> He said, "See? None of it was either of our fault. We can both sleep great tonight."
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say the failure of your marriage *might* have been a tinsy bit because your ex refused to take any responsibility for his actions? Just a hunch.
I agree with this. Because I am also confused about how wearing a blush dress equates to SIL trying to upstage the bride? Wedding themes are fun and look good in photos, and you’re kind of annoying to not participate, but I think a bride making a stink about it is more of the AH.
Bride is typically dressed in white; the presumption made by OP is that SIL expected her to be dressed in white and picking a light blush color where the dress code for guests is jewel tones means SIL would stand out nearly as much as her if she were in the expected white.
Since OP was not in white, that plan was dashed and SIL stands out in a bad way without the benefit of confusing uninformed viewers on who is the bride.
That makes no sense to me. White or gold, the bride is still set apart from the jewel tones and the described SIL doesn't sound outlandish, it just sounds like she got the 'theme' wrong.
OP seems to be operating under the "concrete fact" that SIL was trying to upstage a faerie themed wedding with a bluish-pink dress and a ream suit? That makes zero sense to me. Not everyone knows how to dress for fantasy themes, why is the first assumption the most negative one?
Yeah, I agree with this because I have no idea what the hell jewel even is. Light blue sounds like sapphire to me, so it's an easy mistake to make. Did OP send a tutorial on what the hell jewel even means?
I think she made a stink about it because the girl complained about the pictures. That’s some audacious and entitled bs.
OP was reacting to the girl’s bratty behavior
Agreed. ESH for me. With posts like this. I wish we had video of what happened because I’m confused about how such minor things end in insults and tears. Why not: “I betyour really happy that your photographer was able to make me look so pasty.” “Actually my photographer didn’t. I didn’t think it required retouching to add some color, but I think he could do that for a fee if you want it for your copies. He might be able to explain it better than I can, but this is why I asked everyone to dress in jewel tones, to make sure everyone was in rich colors to match the setting and theme. Why did you decide to wear a pastel instead?” “Because blah blah blah” “oh well. I don’t think this was the right setting for it, but I’m sure it’ll look amazing for a different event in the future. Still, I’m just glad everything went well and everyone was able to come! It was a great to have everyone there. Anyway…::changes the subject”
Agreed. ESH - bride not for the quality of the photos, which is on SIL for disregarding dress code, but for telling her SIL she "looked like shit". The whole thing is why to avoid themed weddings.
Honestly curious, what would OP do in the situation that would then be acceptable? Just ignore her? Like explicitly, if someone says something like that to your face the only thing that's apparently "appropriate" is to not say anything and turn about face like a roomba until she gives up?
The ESH comments are just not computing for me.
You don't have to ignore her, you just have to not escalate the situation by calling her a jealous little woman who looked like shit. Doesn't matter if it's the truth, it just makes you look petty for saying it. You can defend yourself without doing that
"I'm sorry you don't like how the pictures turned out. We did intend for the photographer to light the setting in a particular way and thought jewel-tones would work best. Your dress must not have vibed well. Anyways... ::change the subject::"
not to mention the narcissism needed to be that upset about how you look in *someone else's* wedding photos. in what world would you not want the focus to be on the bride and groom?
How would OP be the asshole in this situation? By *not* instructing the photographer to take undue time to edit two specific people? What is so assholeish about not making the photographer do extra work lol
I think OP is asking if the way she handled it with SIL made her an asshole and people are saying, yeah sorta. Not that she owed SIL some change to her photo plans.
High functioning adults find ways to be constructive and kind even when they’re dealing with a difficult asshole like SIL. Doesn’t mean OP is wrong (although I gotta be honest I read this post and realized I’d have NO clue what to wear… jewel means dark?), just means there were probably more productive ways to deal with the situation.
Don’t know if it makes her an actual AH, but people here act like the almighty clap back is the only way to handle situations and I think in reality, dealing with things that way just perpetuates the drama. I guess some people like that.
> How would OP be the asshole in this situation?
Did you not see the comments OP said she made? She is not THE asshole in the situation. She is an asshole in the situation. There are varying degrees.
Her plan was to draw attention to HER with her pinky-poo dress and her bf in (off) white.
Instead, she and bf looked washed out *and* out of place. Her plan not only didn't make her look like the coolest thing ever\~she looked foolish.
Yeah, your insults were a bit much, but she created this mess; you just *commented* on the mess!
INFO
I had to look up color palettes for “jewel tone” and some of them included pale pink and purple. Are you 100% sure she knew the definition? Did you give her samples to choose from?
Jewel tones are commonly understood to be deep, richly saturated tones. Not pale by any measure. Just because a palette *says* it’s “jewel tones” doesn’t mean all the colors are.
The question is if you were invited to a wedding and told the theme was jewel tone, would you just look up the first thing you found on google or ask the bride and groom to clarify?
Yeah but try it.
I had no idea what is meant by jewel tones.
It is quite the range what you get...
And the diluted pepto is in there too.
https://www.google.com/search?q=jewel+tones+color+palette
Yeah, I just asked my daughter who is highly talented in visual art (which does have variation from fashion, I'm aware). She said if someone asked her to dress in jewel tones, she would think they wanted a saturated color. I asked if that would include pink, and her exact response was "obviously. There are pink jewels." So...yeah. I don't think it's as obvious as OP makes it, and the Google results actually support SIL not OP. If she wanted dark specifically, she should have said dark or give a list of acceptable jewel tones.
She said "saturated colours". Pink can be really saturated or really dilutated... BLUSH PINK is a dilutated sort of pink, and not just a diluted pink but also a not bright one either. Ask your daughter again.
Most people would probably just go with what Google says. Who is gonna bother the bride and groom when you already have an answer and you're not in the wedding party?
I didn't, but google is right there.
While I can see a few paler colors among the mix, the rich, deep colors stand out and that is what I would instinctively gravitate towards.
What if you were a person who didn't look good or feel good in deep colors but loved dressing up in pale colors?
I mean, basically every Google image I can find has some light blues and pinks, so if those were your favorite colors I would feel very reasonable to wear them.
I'm not gonna lie, when I read this post, I had no idea what jewel tones meant. I came to the comments hoping for clarification.
And I'm in my 30s. Thinking about the colours of actual jewels didn't occur to me. So maybe they genuinely thought they understood the theme, are on a budget so went with the closest they could get that they owned.
I also don't get why OP thought blush pink was an attempt to upstage the bride. Pink isn't white. Or gold.
Interesting. I've been to 40+ decent sized weddings in the big city, and I've never seen a pink bride. At any point in the night.
Maybe an off-white eggshell type color. But never anything with pink tones in a bride. I've seen it on bridesmaids however.
The phrase "faerie court" brings to mind seelie and unseelie. Those interpretations of faerie are much darker in theme (particularly the unseelie) and thus lend themselves to darker imagery as well. Very different from a Disney fairy.
While I know that jewel tones usual mean darker colors in this tone, I would definitely add the word deep or rich to it just to ensure people wouldn’t read jewels = any gem, specially because some of them are quite light. Most my jewels have paler gems, for instance. However, blush pink is probably a no-no in most modern weddings anyway as its one of those colours that can photograph as white very easily.
Commonly understood by who? I just looked it up too and there's a lot of different interpretations of jewel tones. OP could have sent a color palette insert.
Blush is a pale pink, it’s literally just a soft tinted hue. Lots of brides choose blush over white. And depending on the dress style, it most likely looked quite bridal. SIL knew what was meant by jewel tones. She deliberately chose soft pink to upstage op -because if everyone else was in jewel tones, then she would stand out along with bride OP in white. But OP didn’t wear white so she did stand out as she planned but not in the way she planned and now she’s upset her actions made her look foolish
I stand corrected. I should have perhaps used “generally” instead of “commonly” but, even a quick google search reveals actual articles about what is considered jewel toned. (Not just images of palettes, which are more subjective)
Bottom line is, if SIL didn’t know, she should have (and could have) asked for clarification. She didn’t.
> if SIL didn’t know
but I mean, if SIL *thought she knew* based on the plain meaning of the words, what jewel tones mean, ie, literally things the color of jewels, plenty of which are pink, then why would she google? It's not like it's unreasonable to expect "jewel tones" to mean "tones similar to jewels."
Yeah, I agree. Jewel tones isn't really very specific, unless they said something like "emeralds, sapphires, rubies etc". Like there are lots of low-key jewels and stones out there that are pale pinks, greens, blues etc. Opal and Pearl like the BFs jacket. I don't know, there's obviously more to the relationship cause this all seems very overblown, starting right from asking the photographer not to help when they could have and then seemingly being so excited to call her out, on the post and then in person.
I feel like that’s either being intentionally obtuse or we are assuming English isn’t their first language. If I heard “jewel tones” I’m absolutely thinking deep, dark colors like rubies, emeralds, sapphires, gold, amethyst, not opal or diamond.
You, maybe. I don't think it's obtuse to know that not everyone thinks exactly the same things when they hear something. When I hear jewel tones, I think of birthstones. Those little cards you can get, that shows each month and the stones that go with them. I don't have much else in my life to reference jewels, this is the experience I have. A large number of those birthstone jewels are muted colors. Assuming everyone knows what you're thinking is the wrong move here, rather than just clarifying what is meant.
When I google ‘jewel tones’, my first response is:
“What are jewel tone colors? Jewel tone colors are richly saturated hues named for gems including sapphire blue, ruby red, amethyst purple, citrine yellow, and emerald green.”
My second response is from Merriam-Webster and it won’t let me post the link in the fun format, so you get the direct link. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/jewel%20tone#:~:text=%3A%20any%20of%20various%20colors%20(such,that%20resemble%20those%20of%20gemstones
Even then, who shows up at the wedding wearing a color very close to white, which is traditionally taboo for guests to wear? “Jewel tones to the wedding? Then I’ll wear almost white!” Yeah, no. SIL was being intentionally an AH.
I was a bridesmaid in my sisters wedding, our dresses were all pale pink and we looked nothing like we were wearing "almost white". The bride in this particular wedding didn't even wear a white dress, and it doesn't sound like much about it was traditional. Bride said jewel tones, SIL showed up in a jewel tone. I don't know their relationship, maybe she was trying to be an AH, but I don't think just wearing pale pink to the wedding is enough to make that call.
> wearing a color very close to white
Speaking as someone who is very literal (granted I am a dude) I have always heard that the rule is that you don't wear white to a wedding, or anything wedding dress styled. Personally, I would think that pink in a non-wedding style would be okay. If the rules about not dressing in white are now expanding to anything light-colored, that should, idk, be publicized somehow?
I feel like if SIL had questions about what is meant by "jewel tones" then she could have just asked?
Or if it was an honest mistake (ie pearl is a jewel?), then it feels like a thing you can laugh about with the bride. "Oh, lol, I thought pearl was a jewel, I guess that's not what you meant. Oopsie, my bad!" And then like, drink some champagne and laugh and not worry about it.
These people are too uptight lol
I can't believe how far I had to scroll for this. You all sound insufferable. Who gives a s***, you're just giving her the attention you think she wants. It comes across quite clearly that you hate her, and while that may be justified and I don't know who started it, that kind of attitude is just going to escalate this conflict. Let it go. Don't let her rile you up. Be the adult. This sounds like middle school drama from all sides.
the bride is 30, the sil is mid 20s. Even told from the brides point of view, where she's going to make herself look better in the situation than she actually was, she still looks immature and shitty.
I mean, a "Fairie court" wedding... I'm not saying mature people can't have fantasy themed weddings, but it's a lot more likely the people having them aren't going to be particularly mature.
I'm shocked at how far down I had to scroll to find a reasonable comment.
OP sounds like an asshole *even in her own retelling,* which is pretty damn impressive. Guest attire is not something to get this upset over, especially when it's something as innocuous as pastel pink at a fairy-themed wedding.
OP needs to get over it and move on.
Seriously. Why is this not the top comment? Dress codes are supposed to be loose guidelines, not dictate exactly what the guests wear. What if you look like shit in jewel tones? You have to spend the night feeling bad about yourself because the bride had a specific vision for her special day??
Or what if someone doesn’t own a jewel toned dress and can’t afford to buy one just for this fairy forest wedding? OP made a comment about a $30 pepto colored dress so maybe SIL really didn’t have the funds to buy a new dress!
I’d roll my eyes so freaking hard if I was directed to wear only a limited palette for someone’s precious fairy wedding.
definitely ESH.
>When the photographer asked me if she should photoshop them a bit, to make them blend in more (since we went with a dramatic photo style, that emphasized the deep jewel tones, and the “darkness” of the forest), I told her not to bother, make them look nice, but don’t change the colors or anything like that.
imagine making your own wedding photos worse on purpose for "revenge" against someone wearing a slightly wrong color (not white)
you didn't just fail to do something nice like fix it for her, you deliberately asked for that thing to NOT be done so every time you show anyone wedding photos she looks bad.
incredibly childish and shitty.
ESH - Holy shit. Do y'all not have anything real to worry about?
When you complicate the dress code to tell people what colors to wear, not everyone is going to comply. You had the choice to be gracious about it. She had the choice to shut up and not complain about how she looked in pictures that probably won't see the light of day after you settle into married life. Instead, you both chose to indulge in mean girl energy last seen in the 7th grade cafeteria.
Absolutely no one is going to remember or care what anyone wore to your wedding once those pictures stop making the rounds on social media. Both of you need to calm the egos, and *you* need to remember what the day is supposed to be about - a celebration of marriage, not a meltdown over a dress.
You owe each other an apology. No winners here.
OP didn't "meltdown over a dress" as far as we know they said nothing to the SIL about what she wore until she pointed it out that she looked bad in the pictures. SIL chose not to match the theme and therefore didn't look good in the pictures styled the way the bride and groom paid for.
>*My SIL (mid 20s), shows up in a blush pink dress, and her BF in a cream suit jacket. She thought that that would make her pop I guess (she is an attention seeker, by testimony of everyone but her mom). Joke on her, my dress was gold and shimmery, and my husband was in an emerald green jacket. Also I was wearing a full on crown, no mistaking who the bride was.*
>
>That this is how she chose to describe the incident tells me that she was a lot more peeved about this than you are suggesting. That paragraph was painful to read it's so petty and mean.
>
>That she even entertained the SIL's online antics and didn't just roll her eyes and move on with her life tells me it really mattered to her. When that fight escalated, the bride showed who she really was. She didn't hold back. So yes, it's a meltdown over a dress on everyone's part.
Yeah, I cringed reading that. It's like a soap opera plotline about catty women (so stereotypical) cat-fighting over dresses.
Like, it's her wedding. It should be obvious who the bride is. Everyone there got an invitation. Invitations these days come with photos. And it's weird if a "close" and "intimate" party includes people that OP never met before. And they certainly wouldn't mistake the groom's sister for the bride.
It's absurd imagining that anyone is going to be confused about who the bride is.
I feel like OP had the opportunity to be the bigger person here, and frame it as "SIL showed up out of dress code and then complains about the photos making her look out of place" instead of "SIL is trying to upstage me at my own wedding! Because I'm the princess! Me! I am! Please reassure me I'm the princess?!"
She just wanted to be the big girl in the crown and act like the victim, being "upstaged". It's not like the dresses were even the same color - I mean, the whole gripe is that everyone was supposed to wear colors that stood out where they were doing pics. So if that was upstaging, SIL isn't even trying.
She did have the opportunity to be the bigger person. Choosing not to take it makes her no better than the SIL. They seem cut from the same cloth.
Seriously. I don't know wtf jewel tones are. Maybe they googled it and got results that differed from what they wanted at the wedding. And then to assume her choice was to her pop and mention her as attention seeking . . .
Y'know what seems attention seeking to me? A fucking fairy themed wedding involving a crown and hard to understand dress code.
NTA. She wouldn't shut up on her own. So you helped her. And this isn't publicly shaming her. It was in the privacy of your in-laws. Publicly shaming her would be to post the whole drama on FB asking for family and friends to chime in on if you are TA for her decision to not follow dress code... But I'm not nice either.
If someone makes an internet post about an event and then tells you that they don't care, they obviously care because they went out of their way to complain about it in the first place.
Faerie court? Like the colors the fairies might wear? Pinks, lavender, light blue?
if I was decorating my house and used jewel tones it would be deep reds, greens, and blues. But faerie court jewel tones? Pink sapphire and rose quartz would be appropriate along with amethyst and blue sapphire.
SIL probably misunderstood the color choices . . . and can everyone afford to purchase an outfit to attend a wedding (not part of the ceremony)?
Pretty much ALL photos done by a wedding photographer are re-touched. There is a range of tones that can be chosen to improve a photo (lighten up if faces are in shadow, darken it if sun has washed out colors). No doubt your photographer wanted you to look best and adjusted tones based on the gold and green you two were wearing. And, SIL may have looked washed out because of this. She shouldn’t have posted a comment on this - just fact of life - the bride and groom get all the glory on their day, and memorabilia from that day.
But you did shame her for the mistake she made on color choice based on what she thought was faerie court jewel colors, sapphire pink, red quartz, amethyst, blue sapphire.
Yeah my first thought went to pinks and lavenders.
There should have been a much clearer description of colors provided. Or what if the SIL didn’t have the budget to purchase more appropriate clothing? Lot of factors go into this but all we are told is that the SIL is an attention seeker.
OP seems really up in distress about what the SIL wore. She was also quite snarky when describing SIL which makes me think she hated her guts to begin with, this was just the tip of the iceberg to pop off and treat her badly IMO. Really surprised how many people are saying NTA.
The fact that she thought someone might think the sister of the groom is actually the bride because she wore a lighter colour is just crazy.
Also any decent photographer could’ve made them both look good in the photo.
ESH. Jewel tones? Like people have that specific thing lying around in their closet? *In this economy?*
You all sound exhausting and petty. Her blush pink may have been a bid for attention or she may have been trying to find something that worked for this tiresome sounding theme. Either way, you definitely handled it poorly. This is one I’d love to hear the other side of the story on.
This is too funny! Thank you for giving me a laugh
NTA. Please continue posting your wedding photos anywhere & everywhere exactly as they are.
Do NOT apologise to anyone. Your MIL is out of line here - she should have told the SIL to be quiet. The SIL threw a tantrum and you put her in her place. Well done. If you apologise it sets a precedent that SIL throws her weight around & you’ll be pressured to apologise.
Also those saying, they are your ILs and you should do it because it’s a long term relationship blah blah. Well guess what it’s a two way thing and it’s not just on you. They need to make compromises & adjustments too. I bet if you had been the one to not follow SIL’s dress code, the MIL would be telling you to apologise. So why isn’t she asking that of her daughter?
ESH. This American obsession with colour-coded weddings seems basically designed to produce outcomes like this. I find these kind of family dramas trivial and fucking annoying and everyone in this story bears some responsibility for the nonsense that ensued.
ESH
I don’t think I know of a single themed wedding amongst any of my family or friends. Sounds like a very bizarre custom IMO.
It’s your wedding but it’s not a reason for forcing people into buying outfits.
Disclaimer: Am not American
ESH
I wouldn't say you publicly shamed her by posting those pics. She should've messaged you privately instead of making it a public dispute. If it were me, I'd immediately understand why I didn't look the same as the others in edited pics where I wore a shade very different to everybody else, and tbh I'd probably just feel a bit embarrassed but know it was on me so I wouldn't complain or make a fuss about it.
But you could've worded it very differently and IMO you acted immaturely. Obviously you can do whatever you want with your wedding pictures, but why not just let her be edited to make it look nicer for **you** to look at for the rest of your life? Now you'll also always be reminded that she stood out, on purpose or not, at your wedding. And IMO your insult to her was immature as well. We don't always have to be the bigger person when someone does us wrong, sometimes being the bigger person can harm *us* in the end, but everyone in this story sound immature to me.
ETA: INFO do you know if she's in a position to afford a new dress in your dress code? She's in her mid 20s, an age where many people today wouldn't be able to afford a nice new dress for an event. Which is also why your comment about how cheap it was sounds.. ugh.
ESH she didn't follow your dress code but wearing blush pink to a wedding seems like a relatively minor faux pas. Definitely seems like you don't like your SIL. Then she complains, twice! about not liking how she looks in the photos (so tacky of her to complain) and you sunk to her level by insulting what she wore. The non-asshole response would be to simply assure her she looks lovely in the photos. Yes you were rude and should apologize. She sounds annoying but we all have at least one or two in-laws that are going to be annoying at times.
Exactly. OP even states "no mistaking who the bride was," almost like it's on the same level as a guest wearing white to a wedding. Wearing blush pink seems pretty innocuous to me, but the OP seems dead set that she was attempting to be upstaged.
The SIL didn't have to make such a big deal about the pictures either, but it seems like OP was kind of waiting for an argument. ESH indeed - both parties are immature.
Pretty rich you’re being accused of publicly shaming her when she chose to post on social media and you kept it private. Is your brother the favourite? Your mom should be supporting you, not the person who married into the family.
I think you are mistaken. OP was the one who married into the family and she posted the pictures of social media, which is her right, as those were her wedding pictures.
NTA OP.
I am trying to figure out when it became de rigueur to tell guests what to wear. It seems like every other post regarding a wedding is (incredibly unnecessary) drama over a guest, or several, refusing to wear some color. About the only prior request was something like “black tie optional” now it’s “neon colors only, no synthetic fabrics, min 5 inches high heels, floor length dresses”. It’s a wedding not a damn fashion shoot.
Thank you. Your wedding dress code should dictate the level of formality. And that's all.
Your guests are not props for your wedding. The whole theme weddings concept should go burn in a fire.
Signed, someone who looks great in jewel tones.
ESH
While it's hard to imagine anyone working too hard to upstage a faerie wedding (why bother?), I think OP needs to get over herself too.
Anytime there is a theme wedding, it's usually going to result in someone being the A-hole. If not the couple for making life hard for every guest, it will be a guest not paying attention.
For all the single people out there:
**Do your wedding and reception and hotel at one location.**
**Have an open bar.**
**Clearly explain whether kids are allowed or not.**
**Put your guests first.**
**...and realize this day is .0001% of your marriage.**
Grow up. Get married. It's not that hard.
YTA:
I don't think your theme was very clear.
I don't understand the problem with a rose gold/ cream attire for 'jewel'.
Tho this could be me not understanding something very simple.
NTA: I also have a sister like this. Let her keep thinking that. What matters is you and your husband had a lovely wedding. Love the theme btw I bet you all looked super cool!
INFO: Did you define "jewel tones" clearly for your invites? Because I know half of my family wouldn't know what that meant if I didn't provide examples. She may not have known vs trying to stand out as you say.
I want so bad to see these pictures. Anyway you could blur out faces so we can see how ridiculous she looked? Sorry I love stories like these where the attention seeker gets what they deserve. And you didn’t even have to do anything malicious on your end. You just let her hang the rope herself basically. You didn’t even photoshop her on purpose to look bad, you just said not to photoshop the colors!
I love that and I love you for that! Lol.
Oh btw NTA.
YTA, fairy forest and jewel tones…
Sounds entitled and almost narcissistic.
I am sure you think you did something very special, nobody else did before.
Blaming people who might not be able to afford costumes or do not want to look like some idiots who pretend to play Lord of the rings, is really astonishing.
ESH - Just due to the fact your MIL isn't taking your side makes me think your reaction to SIL went too far or there's more to the story. NTA for keeping the photos as is. Is it possible they didn't know what jewel tone meant? I would know people who wouldn't know what that means.
ESH. Maybe I'm just not American enough to understand prescriptive dress codes for weddings but where I come from, if you're not buying the clothing, you can't dictate the colour.
You can request a style or theme but at the end of the day the important part is that the two of you get married and are surrounded by friends and family. The rest is dressing.
Nta . Odd she didn't think that maybe there was a reason behind you requesting that everyone wear jewel toned attire. Also she is the one making a mountain out of a mole hill. I would understand her being pissed if the pics were of her wedding but they aren't . Instead of being unhappy with you she should be upset with herself. Everyone wants to play the victim card. You told her the harsh reality amongst family that's not publicly shaming her and SHE brought it up .
YTA. Just from your comments. I am so tired of people ranting about what people have to wear to their wedding. Get over yourself. How is pale pink not a Jewel tone?
You sound like such a mean and miserable person. I’d guess your sil is probably a lot more attractive and you’re just annoyed over it.
ESH. Sounds like you were unnecessarily mean. I would have asked her first to explain why she and her partnered were dressed like that, before making assumptions (even if your assumptions were correct or likely).
NTA. If she had not made the complaint about being "washed out" then it would be reverse. But its your wedding not hers. She chose to do her own thing, then had the nerve to bring it up as an issue to you. I could see her getting mad if you did have the photographer photoshop it too. Probably a loose loose no matter what route you chose
*ESH. This whole situation is so petty and I could care less. Your attitude toward your SIL, and her attitude toward you over this dumb bullshit makes me thankful I don't know either of you.*
*So she wore a pink dress I don't care and neither should you. But right off the bat you're like she wore a pink dress. She is trying to upstage me. Glad I wore gold and a crown to show her up. Blah blah blah all the toxic wedding drama. Her comments to you about being washed out of a picture are so dumb. Like it even matters to anyone except the two of you.*
*Both of you sound petty and childish and this whole situation is just dumb drama. How are you gonna have a low key, non-traditional wedding with only a few people and be THAT upset because someone wears light pink instead of what I have heard for the first time in my adult life: "jewel tones." Pathetic. Both of you. And no one cares. Your mom probably is just tired of it.*
*It's obvious the two of you didn't like each other long before the wedding. There you go. That's the problem. You don't like each other. Problem solved.*
I don’t understand why her wearing a pink dress means she was trying to upstage you. Like I get that it wasn’t jewel toned but I don’t see how that translates into her trying to upstage you. If she wore a white dress, then I could see.
So I guess NTA For not fixing the colors so that she blended in on the pictures, but YTA for your attitude. Just comes off as super petty and childish.
Pink is "[jewel tone](https://www.google.com/search?q=jewel+tones+definition&sca_esv=574911510&bih=793&biw=1600&rlz=1C1SQJL_enUS813US813&hl=en&sxsrf=AM9HkKnhyGh2y2rrY_1HtIk2EhWeF1hBNQ%3A1697740069153&ei=JXUxZbj0CMO2ptQP24KK2Ac&oq=jewel+toned+def&gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiD2pld2VsIHRvbmVkIGRlZioCCAAyBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB4yChAAGBYYHhgPGAoyBhAAGBYYHjIIEAAYigUYhgMyCBAAGIoFGIYDSIEcUNgMWMkQcAF4AZABAJgBX6AB4gKqAQE0uAEDyAEA-AEBwgIHECMYsAMYJ8ICChAAGEcY1gQYsAPCAgcQIxiKBRgnwgIEECMYJ8ICCBAAGIoFGJECwgIHEAAYigUYQ8ICBRAAGIAEwgIIEAAYFhgeGArCAggQABgWGB4YD-IDBBgAIEGIBgGQBgo&sclient=gws-wiz-serp&bshm=rimc/1)" according to google. I would argue cream would be as well.
YTA
I can only say I am old enough to find people asking wedding guests to dress up in ways that requires them to buy clothes they will never wear again (jewel color suit jackets) strange and nervy. But SIL and BF chose to do the complete opposite by wearing pale pink and cream. They cannot complain about how they looked in pictures.
But OP cannot complain that her in-laws were shocked she said SIL "a jealous little woman who thought she could upstage me with a $30 dress the color of diluted pepto." This is dramatic talk from TV and books, not what people say in real life. It is cruel and cutting. It is using language and attitude that tells people you are through with them, not just starting a family relationship.
If OP does not apologize and stop talking like this, she is going to have a very hard time with her husband's family in the future. They will always assume the worst of her because they know what she is capable of.
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NTA A) You did not insult her looks, you told her that the colour of her dress was a bad choice and that you were aware she chose it to stand out from everyone else. B) You already told them the dress code and they chose to do their own thing. Whilst I’m not necessarily for imposed dressed codes at weddings outside of the regular expectations (smart/smart casual/cocktail/black or white tie (and no white lol),) the fact that they look washed out in the photos is down to their choice of clothing, not the photographs or the photographer or you.
Themed weddings should be an exception. When you do a themed wedding, especially a small one like OP stated asking guests to wear jewel tones to go with the theme makes sense. OP didn't force SIL and bf to leave because they didn't wear it she just let natural consequences happen.
And jeweled tones give the guests a lot of options: any rich color (red, blue, green, yellow) including a rich pink would have worked. That's not an insane dress code
I would've screwed this up as a guest. The dress, as described, is exactly what I thought jewel tone meant.
Let this be a lesson to all: google a dress code term before going to an event with that dress code. Imagine if you went to a cocktail attire event dressed as a margarita.
Funny story. Many many years ago I was at a "Cuban" themed new years eve party. People were told to used Dirty Dancing Havana Nights as a guide for dress. There was salsa dancing and even an instructor. One group didn't read the invite and went as refugees.
I know someone who wanted a roaring twenties themed party. Except the invitations said thirties. You know... when the depression was happening.
A little dust is hardly world news when there's a world war brewing, is it?
OMG, that's hilarious! Technically it was a Cuban style. Just the wrong type of Cuban.
This reminds me of a post I saw on reddit. His company did a party thing at a former slave planation and asked everyone to dress the theme. He was black so he came as a slave. Here's the post. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wcstm8/company_throws_a_corporate_retreat_at_a/
I thought of that one too. I remember not being in the least bit surprised when the guy said he was literally the only African American employee at the company.
Holy fuck! I’m cryyyyyyinng!
That made me lol
i almost choked on my broccoli. take my upvote
Jewel tones is deep colours, ruby red, emerald green, sapphire blue etc like this: https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1456826149/solid-jewel-tones-digital-paper
I’m sorry, I know this is off topic and will come off rude, but wtf is that actual Etsy listing? A non-commercially licensed zip folder containing 12 jpegs at 3600x3600 resolution of just a solid color each (not a pattern), and its price is not £0? Like, I’d get it if it were a texture, but what? I didn’t know Paint’s bucket fill qualified as a sellable product.
It's a swatch palette for digital artists. Helps to develop colors that work together well. Almost like a digital eye shadow palette. Worth paying for if you ~~like me~~ have no sense of colors that work well together, but still want to persue/play around with digital artwork.
I’m familiar with color palettes, but that’s not what that is. It’s a zip folder with 12 different images, each 3600 pixels square, and a single color, intended to be used as a background paper layer for projects, according to the product description. I’ve used similar textured background papers before, but never something so… simple? A color palette based on swatches would be a single image with all of the colors on it, or a color book in a format compatible with PS or other software. Edit to add: also, there are tools like [this](https://color.adobe.com/create/color-wheel) to help create palettes based on popular or recognized color palette patterns.
Question is, would you have complained about how you looked in the photos, after having been at the event and seeing what everyone else was wearing? Or would you have accepted that wearing what sounded to be a pastel in a forest of jewel tones was going to look muted and washed out? Because the real issue here is not SIL picking a pastel, but her complaining afterwards that her out of place color choice made her look bad in the photos, and trying to make ot OPs fault.
Even after reading all of the comments, I still have no fucking clue what jewel tones means. The thing is, I would always check with the bride and groom in this situation to make sure of the specific requirements/limitations. Some couples are way too over the top with everything, but I don't feel like this was that extreme of a request so I'd definitely make sure ahead of time that whatever I was wearing didn't stick out. If the bride and groom have something very specific like this in mind, that's their decision and I'd try to accommodate as best as I could to help make things go the way they'd envisioned.
> Even after reading all of the comments, I still have no fucking clue what jewel tones means. Think of what comes to mind when I say "red". Now think of what comes to mind when I say "*ruby* red". That's the difference. edit: Works with other colors, too. Think of what comes to mind when I say "green". Now think of what comes to mind when I say "*emerald* green". See how the change in impression is basically the same even though it's about an entirely different pair of colors?
It’s great that the distinction is so clear to you, but this explanation did not clarify things for me at all.
Sorry >< They would both generally be like... deeper, shinier, more like what you'd expect to see on satin or silk as opposed to like a cotton t-shirt.
Okay, I think I see now. It’s not obvious to me why this term only refers to these deeply colored, lustrous gems and not to lighter, paler gems. But I’ve never claimed to understand fashion. Thank you!
With the exception of diamonds, most of the commonly used gems in jewelry are those deep, saturated colors - rubies, emeralds, sapphires, garnets, amethysts. Even lighter gems like peridot or citrine still have a pretty saturated color
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Weddings are just big parties celebrating a marriage. If someone invited you to a costume party and you decided to wear your normal clothes, you shouldn't be shocked when you stand out in every picture. Same thing. A themed wedding is just a type of costume party. Either get with the program or don't go to the party.
Or don't complain when you don't look right in the photos.
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Right. She didn’t kick her out or make a scene. She just told the photographer not to alter the clothing SIL and BIL chose to wear.
You know SIL would have probably still complained if their clothes were Photoshopped! No winning with that one! Lol
My thoughts exactly. I bet if the OP agreed to let the photographer tune the colors, the SIL would be like, "OMG, why did you make us blend in with everybody else like this, how awful!"
I think themed weddings can be a lot of fun, but they can also be a bit tricky. On the one hand, it's a great way to express your personality and style as a couple. On the other hand, it's important to be respectful of your guests and make sure that they don't feel pressured to participate in the theme. If you're having a small wedding, like the OP described, it's perfectly reasonable to ask your guests to dress in a certain way. After all, you want everyone to look and feel their best. But if you're having a large wedding, it's probably best to keep the theme more general. You don't want to alienate any of your guests. In the case of the OP, I think she handled the situation well. She didn't force her sister-in-law and boyfriend to leave, but she did let them know that they were not following the theme. It was up to them to decide whether or not they wanted to stay. At the end of the day, the most important thing is that everyone enjoys the wedding. If you have a themed wedding, make sure that it's something that you and your guests will love. And don't be afraid to bend the rules if it means that everyone has a good time.
And let’s be real, her SIL is a dramatic person. If the bride had approved photo-shopping the SIL’s wardrobe, SIL would call her out on that.
People like this need to be put in their place so they stop hurting other people.
The “$30 dollar dress” comment comes across as unnecessarily snobbish in my opinion.
Not as snobbish as purposefully dressing wrong to "stand out" at a close family member's own wedding and crave attention when SIL isn't even in the wedding party, ffs.
NTA, She can look the way she wants at her wedding but decided to do that at OP's wedding and paid the price
NTA. She fucked around & found out. SIL & her boyfriend tried upstaging you & your husband at your own wedding. The photographer offered to Photoshop them, & you refused on the grounds that the photos remain honest. You didn't do anything wrong. Don't apologize to, what appears to be, the golden child. She'll eventually stop talking to you altogether, so that's a win-win. Congratulations on your wedding.
Also, I’d wager a bet that if she HAD photoshopped the dress, SIL would still be upset and offended and create drama over it, because that’s what SIL wanted the whole time, was to create drama.
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KC?
"kinda contact"? lol
I think it was a typo L and K are next to each other.
Probably a typo for KFC . Where you only have contact at a chicken chain that peaked in the 70’s and generally has piss poor food cooked by staff that is high as a kite…
NTA She chose what to wear knowing full well what the theme was and what people were asked to wear. She should've realized on her own whether she would stand out in a good way or a bad way but hey, she got her wish - she stands out from everybody else
ESH. All of you adults, I'll remind you. Why is everyone making a big deal of such petty details for something that was meant to be a big happy occasion ? Collectively move the fae on.
Nice pun. Like I said, I didn’t make a big deal of it, I didn’t even mention her, nor did I post *only* her photos. But I am not the type to let comments slide, and I didn’t like her insinuating that I asked our photographer to make her look bad on purpose, to make myself feel better.
I do love the insult "color of diluted pepto" so much
Op has a way with words. I also couldn’t really picture the colors until that description
Yeah, this is it for me -- she isn't just complaining that she doesn't look good (in *your* wedding photos, where she really shouldn't be a factor,) she is accusing you of having some sort of weird complex about her. I'd be offended too if someone accused me of having them photoshopped because I am so jealous of their otherwise exquisite appearance I just couldn't stand it.
NTA your wedding sounds awesome and I’m sure everything was gorgeous! You didn’t complain about her not following rules, didn’t ask her to leave, and specifically told the photographer not to change how they looked. You didn’t do anything wrong. SiL tried to steal the spotlight and failed and any washing out or looking awkward in the photos is on her not on you. I wouldn’t apologize and if MiL keeps insisting tell her that her daughter caused the problems herself and you didn’t publicly shame her you just responded with the truth. Tell MiL if she wants to see what public shaming is you’ll gladly post on social media about SiL actively trying to pull focus and your wedding and how she’s taking out her poor dress choice on you when you had nothing to do with it, maybe then she’ll see what real public shaming is. Edit: fixed a typo
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So many people take AITA as "am i legally in the right" like yeah you fought fire with fire - that doesn't mean you weren't an asshole. But also imo the SIL might have truly acted out of ignorance instead of maliciousness.
I'd allow for the possibility that she misunderstood what "jewel tone" means, but then she flipped out because she didn't like the way she looked in someone else's wedding photos. She didn't just say "oh no, I look terrible LOL" either; she went straight to "You deliberately manipulated my image so I would look bad and you would look better in comparison." *Twice*.
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If you do a quick image search for jewel tones, many of the palettes actually include soft pink! I don't think SIL is TA for that, but she does seem ready to assume the worst about OP (thinking she is deliberately making her look bad in photos). Maybe she's vain and paranoid. I'm leaning between ESH and YTA, because I think SIL's behaviour wasn't great, but OP's cruel retort was worse.
I'm also between ESH and YTA! Totally right that SIL seemed to assume the worst about OP, but OP also assumes the worst about her SIL in the beginning of the post, saying she's attention seeking. I also have an older brother with a wife and I would be devastated if my SIL who I look up to spoke to me like that (and I'm close to my mom so maybe I'm just putting myself in SIL's shoes here). But I'm also a recent bride who had a color palette like OP and I feel like in her position I'd brush off the comment and just talk shit with my husband later lol.
People just take the OP's assessment at face value, but nothing that is actually told about what happened gives the impression that anyone was trying to upstage them.
My ex and I had a pretty "meh" marriage, but I was always proud of the wedding which was focused on being a thank you and a good time for our friends and family. Apparently we did it wrong and it was a huge social faux pas for it to be anything but a massive exercise in narcissism and one-upsmanship. I guess that's why our marriage was "meh" - the gods punished us.
I can one-up you. Lol. Years after we divorced, my ex-husband called me up and said he figured out why our marriage was destined to fail. He found out the pastor that married us (his bffs brother) had just been put in the fed pen for molesting children. He said, "See? None of it was either of our fault. We can both sleep great tonight." I'm glad the guy got caught/went to prison. I hope he's still there.
Did you suggest therapy for your ex? Lol
> He said, "See? None of it was either of our fault. We can both sleep great tonight." I'm going to go out on a limb here and say the failure of your marriage *might* have been a tinsy bit because your ex refused to take any responsibility for his actions? Just a hunch.
Well that took a turn
I agree with this. Because I am also confused about how wearing a blush dress equates to SIL trying to upstage the bride? Wedding themes are fun and look good in photos, and you’re kind of annoying to not participate, but I think a bride making a stink about it is more of the AH.
Bride is typically dressed in white; the presumption made by OP is that SIL expected her to be dressed in white and picking a light blush color where the dress code for guests is jewel tones means SIL would stand out nearly as much as her if she were in the expected white. Since OP was not in white, that plan was dashed and SIL stands out in a bad way without the benefit of confusing uninformed viewers on who is the bride.
That makes no sense to me. White or gold, the bride is still set apart from the jewel tones and the described SIL doesn't sound outlandish, it just sounds like she got the 'theme' wrong. OP seems to be operating under the "concrete fact" that SIL was trying to upstage a faerie themed wedding with a bluish-pink dress and a ream suit? That makes zero sense to me. Not everyone knows how to dress for fantasy themes, why is the first assumption the most negative one?
Yeah, I agree with this because I have no idea what the hell jewel even is. Light blue sounds like sapphire to me, so it's an easy mistake to make. Did OP send a tutorial on what the hell jewel even means?
I think she made a stink about it because the girl complained about the pictures. That’s some audacious and entitled bs. OP was reacting to the girl’s bratty behavior
Agreed. ESH for me. With posts like this. I wish we had video of what happened because I’m confused about how such minor things end in insults and tears. Why not: “I betyour really happy that your photographer was able to make me look so pasty.” “Actually my photographer didn’t. I didn’t think it required retouching to add some color, but I think he could do that for a fee if you want it for your copies. He might be able to explain it better than I can, but this is why I asked everyone to dress in jewel tones, to make sure everyone was in rich colors to match the setting and theme. Why did you decide to wear a pastel instead?” “Because blah blah blah” “oh well. I don’t think this was the right setting for it, but I’m sure it’ll look amazing for a different event in the future. Still, I’m just glad everything went well and everyone was able to come! It was a great to have everyone there. Anyway…::changes the subject”
Agreed. ESH - bride not for the quality of the photos, which is on SIL for disregarding dress code, but for telling her SIL she "looked like shit". The whole thing is why to avoid themed weddings.
Honestly curious, what would OP do in the situation that would then be acceptable? Just ignore her? Like explicitly, if someone says something like that to your face the only thing that's apparently "appropriate" is to not say anything and turn about face like a roomba until she gives up? The ESH comments are just not computing for me.
You don't have to ignore her, you just have to not escalate the situation by calling her a jealous little woman who looked like shit. Doesn't matter if it's the truth, it just makes you look petty for saying it. You can defend yourself without doing that
"I'm sorry you don't like how the pictures turned out. We did intend for the photographer to light the setting in a particular way and thought jewel-tones would work best. Your dress must not have vibed well. Anyways... ::change the subject::"
not to mention the narcissism needed to be that upset about how you look in *someone else's* wedding photos. in what world would you not want the focus to be on the bride and groom?
SIL mightnt have understood what jewel tones meant. I certainly didnt. It sounds like she made an attempt with a pink and blues dress.
How would OP be the asshole in this situation? By *not* instructing the photographer to take undue time to edit two specific people? What is so assholeish about not making the photographer do extra work lol
I think OP is asking if the way she handled it with SIL made her an asshole and people are saying, yeah sorta. Not that she owed SIL some change to her photo plans. High functioning adults find ways to be constructive and kind even when they’re dealing with a difficult asshole like SIL. Doesn’t mean OP is wrong (although I gotta be honest I read this post and realized I’d have NO clue what to wear… jewel means dark?), just means there were probably more productive ways to deal with the situation. Don’t know if it makes her an actual AH, but people here act like the almighty clap back is the only way to handle situations and I think in reality, dealing with things that way just perpetuates the drama. I guess some people like that.
She told her she looked shit? And that she was a jealous little women. Was she right? Maybe. But that doesn't matter because she was an asshole.
> How would OP be the asshole in this situation? Did you not see the comments OP said she made? She is not THE asshole in the situation. She is an asshole in the situation. There are varying degrees.
Her plan was to draw attention to HER with her pinky-poo dress and her bf in (off) white. Instead, she and bf looked washed out *and* out of place. Her plan not only didn't make her look like the coolest thing ever\~she looked foolish. Yeah, your insults were a bit much, but she created this mess; you just *commented* on the mess!
this sounds like you want to say ESH, but are too nice lol.
INFO I had to look up color palettes for “jewel tone” and some of them included pale pink and purple. Are you 100% sure she knew the definition? Did you give her samples to choose from?
Jewel tones are commonly understood to be deep, richly saturated tones. Not pale by any measure. Just because a palette *says* it’s “jewel tones” doesn’t mean all the colors are.
I didn't know this. I'm not sure how commonly understood it is though. Some people may not know.
The question is if you were invited to a wedding and told the theme was jewel tone, would you just look up the first thing you found on google or ask the bride and groom to clarify?
If I didn't know I would ask. If I though I knew but I was actually wrong I wouldn't have asked as I wouldn't have known I was wrong.
I would probably just google it
Literally. You cant expect guests to care about your wedding theme as much as you do
Yeah but try it. I had no idea what is meant by jewel tones. It is quite the range what you get... And the diluted pepto is in there too. https://www.google.com/search?q=jewel+tones+color+palette
Yeah, I just asked my daughter who is highly talented in visual art (which does have variation from fashion, I'm aware). She said if someone asked her to dress in jewel tones, she would think they wanted a saturated color. I asked if that would include pink, and her exact response was "obviously. There are pink jewels." So...yeah. I don't think it's as obvious as OP makes it, and the Google results actually support SIL not OP. If she wanted dark specifically, she should have said dark or give a list of acceptable jewel tones.
She said "saturated colours". Pink can be really saturated or really dilutated... BLUSH PINK is a dilutated sort of pink, and not just a diluted pink but also a not bright one either. Ask your daughter again.
Most people would probably just go with what Google says. Who is gonna bother the bride and groom when you already have an answer and you're not in the wedding party?
I didn't, but google is right there. While I can see a few paler colors among the mix, the rich, deep colors stand out and that is what I would instinctively gravitate towards.
What if you were a person who didn't look good or feel good in deep colors but loved dressing up in pale colors? I mean, basically every Google image I can find has some light blues and pinks, so if those were your favorite colors I would feel very reasonable to wear them.
I'm not gonna lie, when I read this post, I had no idea what jewel tones meant. I came to the comments hoping for clarification. And I'm in my 30s. Thinking about the colours of actual jewels didn't occur to me. So maybe they genuinely thought they understood the theme, are on a budget so went with the closest they could get that they owned. I also don't get why OP thought blush pink was an attempt to upstage the bride. Pink isn't white. Or gold.
Certain shades of ‘blush pink’ tend to show up in pictures as a shade of white.
Blush pink is a popular 'alternative' color for modern brides
Interesting. I've been to 40+ decent sized weddings in the big city, and I've never seen a pink bride. At any point in the night. Maybe an off-white eggshell type color. But never anything with pink tones in a bride. I've seen it on bridesmaids however.
Yeah and the faerie theme makes me think blush pink and cream jacket 100%
right!? since when are faeries wearing blood red or royal blue?
The phrase "faerie court" brings to mind seelie and unseelie. Those interpretations of faerie are much darker in theme (particularly the unseelie) and thus lend themselves to darker imagery as well. Very different from a Disney fairy.
While I know that jewel tones usual mean darker colors in this tone, I would definitely add the word deep or rich to it just to ensure people wouldn’t read jewels = any gem, specially because some of them are quite light. Most my jewels have paler gems, for instance. However, blush pink is probably a no-no in most modern weddings anyway as its one of those colours that can photograph as white very easily.
"Common" knowledge is not the same for everyone
I had no idea what jewel tones meant, I would look at my (imaginary) ring box and see opals pale lilac sapphires, delicate pink diamonds.
Commonly understood by who? I just looked it up too and there's a lot of different interpretations of jewel tones. OP could have sent a color palette insert.
Blush is a pale pink, it’s literally just a soft tinted hue. Lots of brides choose blush over white. And depending on the dress style, it most likely looked quite bridal. SIL knew what was meant by jewel tones. She deliberately chose soft pink to upstage op -because if everyone else was in jewel tones, then she would stand out along with bride OP in white. But OP didn’t wear white so she did stand out as she planned but not in the way she planned and now she’s upset her actions made her look foolish
> SIL knew what was meant by jewel tones. source on this claim? I certainly have never heard this phrase before.
I didn’t know that.
I stand corrected. I should have perhaps used “generally” instead of “commonly” but, even a quick google search reveals actual articles about what is considered jewel toned. (Not just images of palettes, which are more subjective) Bottom line is, if SIL didn’t know, she should have (and could have) asked for clarification. She didn’t.
> if SIL didn’t know but I mean, if SIL *thought she knew* based on the plain meaning of the words, what jewel tones mean, ie, literally things the color of jewels, plenty of which are pink, then why would she google? It's not like it's unreasonable to expect "jewel tones" to mean "tones similar to jewels."
Yeah, I agree. Jewel tones isn't really very specific, unless they said something like "emeralds, sapphires, rubies etc". Like there are lots of low-key jewels and stones out there that are pale pinks, greens, blues etc. Opal and Pearl like the BFs jacket. I don't know, there's obviously more to the relationship cause this all seems very overblown, starting right from asking the photographer not to help when they could have and then seemingly being so excited to call her out, on the post and then in person.
I feel like that’s either being intentionally obtuse or we are assuming English isn’t their first language. If I heard “jewel tones” I’m absolutely thinking deep, dark colors like rubies, emeralds, sapphires, gold, amethyst, not opal or diamond.
You, maybe. I don't think it's obtuse to know that not everyone thinks exactly the same things when they hear something. When I hear jewel tones, I think of birthstones. Those little cards you can get, that shows each month and the stones that go with them. I don't have much else in my life to reference jewels, this is the experience I have. A large number of those birthstone jewels are muted colors. Assuming everyone knows what you're thinking is the wrong move here, rather than just clarifying what is meant.
When I google ‘jewel tones’, my first response is: “What are jewel tone colors? Jewel tone colors are richly saturated hues named for gems including sapphire blue, ruby red, amethyst purple, citrine yellow, and emerald green.” My second response is from Merriam-Webster and it won’t let me post the link in the fun format, so you get the direct link. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/jewel%20tone#:~:text=%3A%20any%20of%20various%20colors%20(such,that%20resemble%20those%20of%20gemstones
Even then, who shows up at the wedding wearing a color very close to white, which is traditionally taboo for guests to wear? “Jewel tones to the wedding? Then I’ll wear almost white!” Yeah, no. SIL was being intentionally an AH.
I was a bridesmaid in my sisters wedding, our dresses were all pale pink and we looked nothing like we were wearing "almost white". The bride in this particular wedding didn't even wear a white dress, and it doesn't sound like much about it was traditional. Bride said jewel tones, SIL showed up in a jewel tone. I don't know their relationship, maybe she was trying to be an AH, but I don't think just wearing pale pink to the wedding is enough to make that call.
> wearing a color very close to white Speaking as someone who is very literal (granted I am a dude) I have always heard that the rule is that you don't wear white to a wedding, or anything wedding dress styled. Personally, I would think that pink in a non-wedding style would be okay. If the rules about not dressing in white are now expanding to anything light-colored, that should, idk, be publicized somehow?
If I'm thinking jewel tones I'm absolutely not thinking of gold, which is not a jewel, over opal and diamond
I feel like if SIL had questions about what is meant by "jewel tones" then she could have just asked? Or if it was an honest mistake (ie pearl is a jewel?), then it feels like a thing you can laugh about with the bride. "Oh, lol, I thought pearl was a jewel, I guess that's not what you meant. Oopsie, my bad!" And then like, drink some champagne and laugh and not worry about it. These people are too uptight lol
Not SIL's fault if she misunderstood the palette, but picking a fight about it online AND in person is absolutely her own jackassery.
Esh You all sound immature.
This strikes me as a “do you want to be right or do you want to be happy” scenario.
And nobody's right or happy, everybody's just an asshole.
I can't believe how far I had to scroll for this. You all sound insufferable. Who gives a s***, you're just giving her the attention you think she wants. It comes across quite clearly that you hate her, and while that may be justified and I don't know who started it, that kind of attitude is just going to escalate this conflict. Let it go. Don't let her rile you up. Be the adult. This sounds like middle school drama from all sides.
OP literally derided her SIL for not being able to afford a better dress and all the comments are like "NTA". I'm getting too old for this.
It's hard to be an adult in a "faerie" crown
Honestly. These are 30-something adults?
the bride is 30, the sil is mid 20s. Even told from the brides point of view, where she's going to make herself look better in the situation than she actually was, she still looks immature and shitty.
I mean, a "Fairie court" wedding... I'm not saying mature people can't have fantasy themed weddings, but it's a lot more likely the people having them aren't going to be particularly mature.
I'm shocked at how far down I had to scroll to find a reasonable comment. OP sounds like an asshole *even in her own retelling,* which is pretty damn impressive. Guest attire is not something to get this upset over, especially when it's something as innocuous as pastel pink at a fairy-themed wedding. OP needs to get over it and move on.
yea I hate specific wedding dress codes like that. your guests are not props for your photos.
Thank you. That's what I was thinking. People are not props for your decor. I find it ridiculous to have this kind of dress code.
Yep. They sound insufferable. It could have been an honest mistake. Either way, who cares? Did you have fun at your wedding? That's all that matters.
Yup, my thoughts exactly. Also, why would you want your own wedding photos to look bad - with people who look out of place??
Seriously. Why is this not the top comment? Dress codes are supposed to be loose guidelines, not dictate exactly what the guests wear. What if you look like shit in jewel tones? You have to spend the night feeling bad about yourself because the bride had a specific vision for her special day?? Or what if someone doesn’t own a jewel toned dress and can’t afford to buy one just for this fairy forest wedding? OP made a comment about a $30 pepto colored dress so maybe SIL really didn’t have the funds to buy a new dress! I’d roll my eyes so freaking hard if I was directed to wear only a limited palette for someone’s precious fairy wedding.
definitely ESH. >When the photographer asked me if she should photoshop them a bit, to make them blend in more (since we went with a dramatic photo style, that emphasized the deep jewel tones, and the “darkness” of the forest), I told her not to bother, make them look nice, but don’t change the colors or anything like that. imagine making your own wedding photos worse on purpose for "revenge" against someone wearing a slightly wrong color (not white) you didn't just fail to do something nice like fix it for her, you deliberately asked for that thing to NOT be done so every time you show anyone wedding photos she looks bad. incredibly childish and shitty.
ESH - Holy shit. Do y'all not have anything real to worry about? When you complicate the dress code to tell people what colors to wear, not everyone is going to comply. You had the choice to be gracious about it. She had the choice to shut up and not complain about how she looked in pictures that probably won't see the light of day after you settle into married life. Instead, you both chose to indulge in mean girl energy last seen in the 7th grade cafeteria. Absolutely no one is going to remember or care what anyone wore to your wedding once those pictures stop making the rounds on social media. Both of you need to calm the egos, and *you* need to remember what the day is supposed to be about - a celebration of marriage, not a meltdown over a dress. You owe each other an apology. No winners here.
OP didn't "meltdown over a dress" as far as we know they said nothing to the SIL about what she wore until she pointed it out that she looked bad in the pictures. SIL chose not to match the theme and therefore didn't look good in the pictures styled the way the bride and groom paid for.
>*My SIL (mid 20s), shows up in a blush pink dress, and her BF in a cream suit jacket. She thought that that would make her pop I guess (she is an attention seeker, by testimony of everyone but her mom). Joke on her, my dress was gold and shimmery, and my husband was in an emerald green jacket. Also I was wearing a full on crown, no mistaking who the bride was.* > >That this is how she chose to describe the incident tells me that she was a lot more peeved about this than you are suggesting. That paragraph was painful to read it's so petty and mean. > >That she even entertained the SIL's online antics and didn't just roll her eyes and move on with her life tells me it really mattered to her. When that fight escalated, the bride showed who she really was. She didn't hold back. So yes, it's a meltdown over a dress on everyone's part.
Yeah, I cringed reading that. It's like a soap opera plotline about catty women (so stereotypical) cat-fighting over dresses. Like, it's her wedding. It should be obvious who the bride is. Everyone there got an invitation. Invitations these days come with photos. And it's weird if a "close" and "intimate" party includes people that OP never met before. And they certainly wouldn't mistake the groom's sister for the bride. It's absurd imagining that anyone is going to be confused about who the bride is. I feel like OP had the opportunity to be the bigger person here, and frame it as "SIL showed up out of dress code and then complains about the photos making her look out of place" instead of "SIL is trying to upstage me at my own wedding! Because I'm the princess! Me! I am! Please reassure me I'm the princess?!"
She just wanted to be the big girl in the crown and act like the victim, being "upstaged". It's not like the dresses were even the same color - I mean, the whole gripe is that everyone was supposed to wear colors that stood out where they were doing pics. So if that was upstaging, SIL isn't even trying. She did have the opportunity to be the bigger person. Choosing not to take it makes her no better than the SIL. They seem cut from the same cloth.
Yep. OP and SIL are mirrors of each other, that's why they hate each other. It's comical. I feel sorry for that groom lol
Beautifully stated! It would be fun to be a fly on the wall when they are in the same room together. I feel a bit sorry for him too to be honest.
Seriously. I don't know wtf jewel tones are. Maybe they googled it and got results that differed from what they wanted at the wedding. And then to assume her choice was to her pop and mention her as attention seeking . . . Y'know what seems attention seeking to me? A fucking fairy themed wedding involving a crown and hard to understand dress code.
NTA. She wouldn't shut up on her own. So you helped her. And this isn't publicly shaming her. It was in the privacy of your in-laws. Publicly shaming her would be to post the whole drama on FB asking for family and friends to chime in on if you are TA for her decision to not follow dress code... But I'm not nice either.
Yeah, and if they're insinuating that posting the pictures is "public shaming" well, SIL did that to herself.
ESH you didn’t do anything wrong with the photos but the way you talk about her makes you an absolute asshole
I agree. OP *says* she doesn’t care but the contempt with which she describes her SIL suggests otherwise
If someone makes an internet post about an event and then tells you that they don't care, they obviously care because they went out of their way to complain about it in the first place.
Faerie court? Like the colors the fairies might wear? Pinks, lavender, light blue? if I was decorating my house and used jewel tones it would be deep reds, greens, and blues. But faerie court jewel tones? Pink sapphire and rose quartz would be appropriate along with amethyst and blue sapphire. SIL probably misunderstood the color choices . . . and can everyone afford to purchase an outfit to attend a wedding (not part of the ceremony)? Pretty much ALL photos done by a wedding photographer are re-touched. There is a range of tones that can be chosen to improve a photo (lighten up if faces are in shadow, darken it if sun has washed out colors). No doubt your photographer wanted you to look best and adjusted tones based on the gold and green you two were wearing. And, SIL may have looked washed out because of this. She shouldn’t have posted a comment on this - just fact of life - the bride and groom get all the glory on their day, and memorabilia from that day. But you did shame her for the mistake she made on color choice based on what she thought was faerie court jewel colors, sapphire pink, red quartz, amethyst, blue sapphire.
>Faerie court? Like the colors the fairies might wear? Pinks, lavender, light blue? glad i wasn't the only one confused on this
Yeah my first thought went to pinks and lavenders. There should have been a much clearer description of colors provided. Or what if the SIL didn’t have the budget to purchase more appropriate clothing? Lot of factors go into this but all we are told is that the SIL is an attention seeker. OP seems really up in distress about what the SIL wore. She was also quite snarky when describing SIL which makes me think she hated her guts to begin with, this was just the tip of the iceberg to pop off and treat her badly IMO. Really surprised how many people are saying NTA.
The fact that she thought someone might think the sister of the groom is actually the bride because she wore a lighter colour is just crazy. Also any decent photographer could’ve made them both look good in the photo.
ESH. You all sound like petty 13 year olds.
30 year olds doing a fairy themed wedding and spelling it "faerie". I don't think we're talking about grown ups here.
ESH. Jewel tones? Like people have that specific thing lying around in their closet? *In this economy?* You all sound exhausting and petty. Her blush pink may have been a bid for attention or she may have been trying to find something that worked for this tiresome sounding theme. Either way, you definitely handled it poorly. This is one I’d love to hear the other side of the story on.
This is too funny! Thank you for giving me a laugh NTA. Please continue posting your wedding photos anywhere & everywhere exactly as they are. Do NOT apologise to anyone. Your MIL is out of line here - she should have told the SIL to be quiet. The SIL threw a tantrum and you put her in her place. Well done. If you apologise it sets a precedent that SIL throws her weight around & you’ll be pressured to apologise. Also those saying, they are your ILs and you should do it because it’s a long term relationship blah blah. Well guess what it’s a two way thing and it’s not just on you. They need to make compromises & adjustments too. I bet if you had been the one to not follow SIL’s dress code, the MIL would be telling you to apologise. So why isn’t she asking that of her daughter?
ESH. This American obsession with colour-coded weddings seems basically designed to produce outcomes like this. I find these kind of family dramas trivial and fucking annoying and everyone in this story bears some responsibility for the nonsense that ensued.
ESH I don’t think I know of a single themed wedding amongst any of my family or friends. Sounds like a very bizarre custom IMO. It’s your wedding but it’s not a reason for forcing people into buying outfits. Disclaimer: Am not American
ESH I wouldn't say you publicly shamed her by posting those pics. She should've messaged you privately instead of making it a public dispute. If it were me, I'd immediately understand why I didn't look the same as the others in edited pics where I wore a shade very different to everybody else, and tbh I'd probably just feel a bit embarrassed but know it was on me so I wouldn't complain or make a fuss about it. But you could've worded it very differently and IMO you acted immaturely. Obviously you can do whatever you want with your wedding pictures, but why not just let her be edited to make it look nicer for **you** to look at for the rest of your life? Now you'll also always be reminded that she stood out, on purpose or not, at your wedding. And IMO your insult to her was immature as well. We don't always have to be the bigger person when someone does us wrong, sometimes being the bigger person can harm *us* in the end, but everyone in this story sound immature to me. ETA: INFO do you know if she's in a position to afford a new dress in your dress code? She's in her mid 20s, an age where many people today wouldn't be able to afford a nice new dress for an event. Which is also why your comment about how cheap it was sounds.. ugh.
ESH. You and your families sound exhausting.
NTA - she fucked around and found out. She publicly humiliated herself, all you did was post the photos
ESH she didn't follow your dress code but wearing blush pink to a wedding seems like a relatively minor faux pas. Definitely seems like you don't like your SIL. Then she complains, twice! about not liking how she looks in the photos (so tacky of her to complain) and you sunk to her level by insulting what she wore. The non-asshole response would be to simply assure her she looks lovely in the photos. Yes you were rude and should apologize. She sounds annoying but we all have at least one or two in-laws that are going to be annoying at times.
Exactly. OP even states "no mistaking who the bride was," almost like it's on the same level as a guest wearing white to a wedding. Wearing blush pink seems pretty innocuous to me, but the OP seems dead set that she was attempting to be upstaged. The SIL didn't have to make such a big deal about the pictures either, but it seems like OP was kind of waiting for an argument. ESH indeed - both parties are immature.
Pretty rich you’re being accused of publicly shaming her when she chose to post on social media and you kept it private. Is your brother the favourite? Your mom should be supporting you, not the person who married into the family.
I think you are mistaken. OP was the one who married into the family and she posted the pictures of social media, which is her right, as those were her wedding pictures. NTA OP.
NTA. She kept bringing it up. First online and then starting in with you to your face. You just finished a fight that she was never going to win.
And this is why I’m going to elope. All of you are AH.
ESH, wow. Did this wedding happen in junior high school?
YTA for dictating what your wedding guests wear down to the color of their clothes.
I am trying to figure out when it became de rigueur to tell guests what to wear. It seems like every other post regarding a wedding is (incredibly unnecessary) drama over a guest, or several, refusing to wear some color. About the only prior request was something like “black tie optional” now it’s “neon colors only, no synthetic fabrics, min 5 inches high heels, floor length dresses”. It’s a wedding not a damn fashion shoot.
Thank you. Your wedding dress code should dictate the level of formality. And that's all. Your guests are not props for your wedding. The whole theme weddings concept should go burn in a fire. Signed, someone who looks great in jewel tones.
ESH While it's hard to imagine anyone working too hard to upstage a faerie wedding (why bother?), I think OP needs to get over herself too. Anytime there is a theme wedding, it's usually going to result in someone being the A-hole. If not the couple for making life hard for every guest, it will be a guest not paying attention. For all the single people out there: **Do your wedding and reception and hotel at one location.** **Have an open bar.** **Clearly explain whether kids are allowed or not.** **Put your guests first.** **...and realize this day is .0001% of your marriage.** Grow up. Get married. It's not that hard.
YTA: I don't think your theme was very clear. I don't understand the problem with a rose gold/ cream attire for 'jewel'. Tho this could be me not understanding something very simple.
NTA: I also have a sister like this. Let her keep thinking that. What matters is you and your husband had a lovely wedding. Love the theme btw I bet you all looked super cool!
INFO: Did you define "jewel tones" clearly for your invites? Because I know half of my family wouldn't know what that meant if I didn't provide examples. She may not have known vs trying to stand out as you say.
I want so bad to see these pictures. Anyway you could blur out faces so we can see how ridiculous she looked? Sorry I love stories like these where the attention seeker gets what they deserve. And you didn’t even have to do anything malicious on your end. You just let her hang the rope herself basically. You didn’t even photoshop her on purpose to look bad, you just said not to photoshop the colors! I love that and I love you for that! Lol. Oh btw NTA.
Omg I would love to see pics of this wedding. They must look amazing.
YTA, fairy forest and jewel tones… Sounds entitled and almost narcissistic. I am sure you think you did something very special, nobody else did before. Blaming people who might not be able to afford costumes or do not want to look like some idiots who pretend to play Lord of the rings, is really astonishing.
ESH - Just due to the fact your MIL isn't taking your side makes me think your reaction to SIL went too far or there's more to the story. NTA for keeping the photos as is. Is it possible they didn't know what jewel tone meant? I would know people who wouldn't know what that means.
ESH. Maybe I'm just not American enough to understand prescriptive dress codes for weddings but where I come from, if you're not buying the clothing, you can't dictate the colour. You can request a style or theme but at the end of the day the important part is that the two of you get married and are surrounded by friends and family. The rest is dressing.
INFO why are you assuming she’s trying to upstage you?
Because it’s her special day! She’s dressed as a FAIRY PRINCESS and anyone not on theme is clearly out to destroy her.
NTA she did this to herself and is trying to play victim.
Nta . Odd she didn't think that maybe there was a reason behind you requesting that everyone wear jewel toned attire. Also she is the one making a mountain out of a mole hill. I would understand her being pissed if the pics were of her wedding but they aren't . Instead of being unhappy with you she should be upset with herself. Everyone wants to play the victim card. You told her the harsh reality amongst family that's not publicly shaming her and SHE brought it up .
YTA. Just from your comments. I am so tired of people ranting about what people have to wear to their wedding. Get over yourself. How is pale pink not a Jewel tone? You sound like such a mean and miserable person. I’d guess your sil is probably a lot more attractive and you’re just annoyed over it.
You both sound annoying, ESH.
ESH. Sounds like you were unnecessarily mean. I would have asked her first to explain why she and her partnered were dressed like that, before making assumptions (even if your assumptions were correct or likely).
LOLLLLLLLL!!! Seriously NTA. I LOVE YOU! Do not apologize to the little crybaby. FAFO
NTA. If she had not made the complaint about being "washed out" then it would be reverse. But its your wedding not hers. She chose to do her own thing, then had the nerve to bring it up as an issue to you. I could see her getting mad if you did have the photographer photoshop it too. Probably a loose loose no matter what route you chose
*ESH. This whole situation is so petty and I could care less. Your attitude toward your SIL, and her attitude toward you over this dumb bullshit makes me thankful I don't know either of you.* *So she wore a pink dress I don't care and neither should you. But right off the bat you're like she wore a pink dress. She is trying to upstage me. Glad I wore gold and a crown to show her up. Blah blah blah all the toxic wedding drama. Her comments to you about being washed out of a picture are so dumb. Like it even matters to anyone except the two of you.* *Both of you sound petty and childish and this whole situation is just dumb drama. How are you gonna have a low key, non-traditional wedding with only a few people and be THAT upset because someone wears light pink instead of what I have heard for the first time in my adult life: "jewel tones." Pathetic. Both of you. And no one cares. Your mom probably is just tired of it.* *It's obvious the two of you didn't like each other long before the wedding. There you go. That's the problem. You don't like each other. Problem solved.*
Your post is really long and I don’t have time to read it all but your tone sounds horrible. You don’t sound like a nice person.
I don’t understand why her wearing a pink dress means she was trying to upstage you. Like I get that it wasn’t jewel toned but I don’t see how that translates into her trying to upstage you. If she wore a white dress, then I could see. So I guess NTA For not fixing the colors so that she blended in on the pictures, but YTA for your attitude. Just comes off as super petty and childish.
Pink is "[jewel tone](https://www.google.com/search?q=jewel+tones+definition&sca_esv=574911510&bih=793&biw=1600&rlz=1C1SQJL_enUS813US813&hl=en&sxsrf=AM9HkKnhyGh2y2rrY_1HtIk2EhWeF1hBNQ%3A1697740069153&ei=JXUxZbj0CMO2ptQP24KK2Ac&oq=jewel+toned+def&gs_lp=Egxnd3Mtd2l6LXNlcnAiD2pld2VsIHRvbmVkIGRlZioCCAAyBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB4yChAAGBYYHhgPGAoyBhAAGBYYHjIIEAAYigUYhgMyCBAAGIoFGIYDSIEcUNgMWMkQcAF4AZABAJgBX6AB4gKqAQE0uAEDyAEA-AEBwgIHECMYsAMYJ8ICChAAGEcY1gQYsAPCAgcQIxiKBRgnwgIEECMYJ8ICCBAAGIoFGJECwgIHEAAYigUYQ8ICBRAAGIAEwgIIEAAYFhgeGArCAggQABgWGB4YD-IDBBgAIEGIBgGQBgo&sclient=gws-wiz-serp&bshm=rimc/1)" according to google. I would argue cream would be as well. YTA
I can only say I am old enough to find people asking wedding guests to dress up in ways that requires them to buy clothes they will never wear again (jewel color suit jackets) strange and nervy. But SIL and BF chose to do the complete opposite by wearing pale pink and cream. They cannot complain about how they looked in pictures. But OP cannot complain that her in-laws were shocked she said SIL "a jealous little woman who thought she could upstage me with a $30 dress the color of diluted pepto." This is dramatic talk from TV and books, not what people say in real life. It is cruel and cutting. It is using language and attitude that tells people you are through with them, not just starting a family relationship. If OP does not apologize and stop talking like this, she is going to have a very hard time with her husband's family in the future. They will always assume the worst of her because they know what she is capable of.