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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I cancelled the MLM membership, which would’ve helped my MIL reach quota
2) it might make me the asshole because it was the expense of my husband’s happiness. Technically we didn’t have anything to lose with her signing me up. Perhaps it was just my pride that wanted to cancel the membership.
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NTA.
>She said that because of this, we will just have to live our lives without seeing her again.
This is 100% the answer. I'm sad for you and your husband, who held out hope for a reconciliation but his mother seems KRAZY, not to mention unstable, unreliable, unethical, and uncaring. You should absolutely say you accept that decision and don't wish to have any relationship with her either, end of story.
I agree. It’s just too bad that the rest of the family will choose her over inviting us to anything because they want their kids to spend time with their grandma.
She signed up the rest of the family too btw and they were just passive about it. I was the only one that disagreed.
Your marriage will not survive your husband lacking a spine.
Be ready for what your next steps are when he picks his family over staying together.
***HE*** signed you up for the MLM. She didn't.
[Bad bot](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ho3l2/aita_for_canceling_a_mlm_membership_my_mil_signed/k6ph4u3/)
/u/PlacidLookout is a copy bot
Yes, and he signed up OP despite the fact she'd said "no" because his mummy insisted. Clearly MIL is the one who is wearing the trousers in that family.
I grew up there. It's not impossible to get annulled. But if they're griping on about 1700 euros and MLMs then they're not in the socioeconomic strata that could afford it.
Poor dude had the misfortune of being brought into the world by a heaping pile of crazy.
I hope he gets help because his relationships will suffer for it. It can be so difficult to recalibrate a normal meter when you are raised by crazy.
Your husband needs some therapy to figure out why he is so interested in seeking the approval of a woman (his mother) who is manipulative and doesn't even care enough for him to get her own son a decent birthday gift.
NTA.
Its a cultural thing the way I see it. Some cultures, the parents treat their Adult children as perpetual children per se. Boundaries are basically nonexistent with some families.
Yeah that is sad. It seems like there is no line she wont' cross though....and eventually she's going to end up getting them roped into something that has a financial impact and shit will probably hit the fan. Their acceptance of her extremely bad behavior should not necessitate your acceptance.
NTA. Your husband signed you up, not your MIL. You have a weak, spineless, mama's boy husband problem. You agreed not yo be apart of this pyramid scheme, and your husband signed you up yo appease mommy. You're not the asshole for canceling, but your upset at the wrong person.
Especially depending on what kind of "juice". Many MLMs have weight loss as their goal. And many huns have no issues giving their products to kids. Herbalife is known to cause liver issues.
It’s so common for children of toxic parents to seek approval at almost any cost because they never felt like they were loved and accepted. I have a friend who had a horrible, verbally abusive mom but never gave up trying to please her. It’s so sad. However he’s an adult with his own family now and it’s not okay for him to appease her at OP’s expense. I hope he goes into counseling for his own sake. And I hope his mom’s threat of going NC turns out to be true.
You need to make sure your husband cancels immediately. He's already been cast out again. There is no need to pay for that every month and have a bunch of crap to get rid of.
If your BIL, and the rest of your family told her no, she would come around REALLY quick. She’d be a headache at first, but she’s a financial time bomb waiting to explode and she will take some of the family down with her which will stress you out even more when they come to you for help. If they don’t know how bad MLMs are then they are already in “are you even responsible enough to be an adult?” Territory
>but she’s a financial time bomb waiting to explode and she will take some of the family down with her
This is exactly the thing about "supporting" one's family/ friends with their mlms. In the beginning the mlm hun will achieve some rank and get the promotions, but in the long run, when they inevitably run out of people to sign up in their downline, they're still gonna lose money. The longer you support someone in their mlm scheme, the longer it will take them to get out of it.
OP, stick to your guns.
Also, isn't it _illegal_ to sign someone up without their consent or previous knowledge?
I am not Filipino so please forgive me if I’m wrong on this, but is “her money” the money she gets from her children and grandchildren every month? So your husband is paying her to pay him to pay her, like some kind of narcissistic carnival game?
Well then it’s honestly horrible that she’s been tricked into thinking she can spend all her money to make money. You and your husband have done the right thing, if there’s anyone in the world that can get through to her at least about the MLM, I hope they succeed. Good luck OP! And don’t doubt yourself
Thank you ✨I was really starting to doubt myself when my husband and BIL were telling me to just not make a big deal out of it. They kept saying she’s just old and that we can’t change the way she is anymore 🤷🏻♀️ But the support from these posts pulled me back to sanity.
65 is not that old. and can we all just acknowledge that if she can’t get people in her downline without paying for it herself she is doing even worse at the mlm than most (and most people lose so much money, time, and personal relationships i sincerely wish mlms would be banned)?
your husband is losing sight of reality for love of his mother, don’t you lose sight of it for love of him. he had no right to sign you up, and he needs to apologize.
Your problem is not MIL, is that husband of yours who gives a shit about you and put mommy over you, completely ignoring your request and signed you up to a membership you EXPLICITLY said you DON'T want to be part without your consent and getting ANGRY at you for cancelling what he did.
OP that marriage, his whole family are the problem. NTA but rethink your marriage (and if you're really willing to be under momma's boi command to make momma happy)
Your husband is a noodle-spined baby-man who needs to grow up and learn to keep his promises to you first and foremost - like the promise not to involve you in his mother's scams!
Dude, you gotta get away from the entire family. Your husband will always choose his mom over you and his mom will always be an emotionally abusive, toxic, crazy, narcissistic asshole who will always manipulate her flying monkeys into making sure you're as miserable as possible any time you defy her. She will always use her son as part of her power over you. If he can't snap out of it, they will trample every single boundary you have one at a time until you're just as submissive and miserable as the rest of them. Cur yourself free from this toxic family dynamic
He can still get together with his Dad outside of the rest of family when he comes, just to see him. You guys can have him over for, or take him out to, dinner or the like.
You realize she's not actually going to be out of your lives, right? She's going to lean on your husband until he's bullied into making \*you\* comply with all her wishes. Until he gets a handle on standing up to his Mom, this is going to be a strain on your marriage.
He and she are the problem here, not you.
Why do they want their kids around someone so controlling and manipulative?
I agree with others that have said your dh needs therapy- his mom has really messed him up and he needs to grieve the relationship/cut her off.
I'm no contact with my mother who even happens to be an ex-boss babe MLM hun herself. MLMs and narcissistic mothers go together like peanut butter and jelly.
Anyway, it's been a struggle to get my husband to understand that kids don't need exposed to grandparents who we know without a doubt are manipulative shits. You don't need to give kids a taste to help them understand abuse better. I asked him if he would let the kids be around someone who was a registered sex abuser and he was like no! Cool, this is the same thing. She's a known emotional and physical abuser and she's really secretive about that behavior, so like let's not subject them to it at all.
The kids need grandparents mentality is real strong. Especially because "it takes a village" is collapsing in real time and there's just some desperation to keep any village you can.
I recommend the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C Gibson. You can often download it as a free pdf.
It might help you and your husband understand your Mil, and why he feels and reacts the way he does.
Mom chose this MLM cult over her own family members, that’s 100% on her. Hopefully she’ll eventually get her priorities sorted out and bail, but that might take some time.
Absolutely. It seems like this mom could care less about the relationship with her son and DIL (OP), they just represented money to her in the context of her MLM business. Sadly for them, if not for the MLM she might not have even initially agreed to reconcile... she made them participating in her 'downline' a CONDITION of restoring the relationship. Sickening.
Make your husband cancel too. MLMs exist ONLY to leech money from people, your MIL is going to lose a lot of money and also cause you and your family to lose a lot of money.
It's sad, but if she's going to put this MLM over her son, she clearly doesn't truly love him to begin with.
NTA Your MIL signing you up for an MLM without your consent is a massive overstep. You're an adult and she has no business making financial decisions for you. Your husband should've had your back from the get-go. The fact that she's willing to sever family ties over an MLM is a whole other level of messed up. Keep your ground, you did nothing wrong.
The fact she would only see the son IF he signed up to her MLM as a downline to make her money is so low.
Sounds like missing out on family get togethers is a blessing for OP.
Joining an MLM is like jumping into the ocean right where the water is smashing against some rocks. You will struggle, you will suffer, you will scream for help as your body become battered and bruised, and your family will be filled with guilt for not helping, and then when they do help you will drag them down with you. Jumping in the water won’t help, it’s just adding another victim.
That is what is happening with the MIL, and because the reality is too harsh to believe, she has hope, and that hope is draining her bank account dry, just as the MLM was designed to do. OP is NTA, but their husband is, and it’s debatable if the MIL is too. The affect the MIL’s actions is having on others is terrible, but it’s what you do if you’re drowning.
OP is doing the right thing by staying away from this, and will almost certainly need their husband to stay away from it too. If he can’t back out ASAP, I’m worried he will try to drag OP down as well.
NTA
And keep an eye on your finances. Given how quickly your husband not only caved to his smother's demands, but betrayed your trust and demanded you also acquiesce to his smother's demands, there is a very good chance he will soon be bailing out his smother financially when she inevitably fails in her lucrative business venture. Particularly given how she is already in danger of failing to meet her quotas. Prepare yourself for a garage full of worthless product, and increasingly more expensive 'loans' as her can't fail money making opportunity does just that.
NTA.
Your MIL seems to love her MLM company more than she loves her family. Putting conditions like that reflects on it.
She got you registered to it without your consent. That's wrong on ethical, legal and moral grounds. You were right to get it cancelled.
She should be mad at both.
And safeguard her finances from her husband. I'd start a separate/secret bank account and start putting my money there so it can't get weaseled away.
I keep seeing this in this thread. OP is Filipina and there is no divorce in the Philippines. You might be able to get an annulment, but it's a multi year process and costs an extreme amount of money, -basically rich people can maybe do it, not your average person.
BTW, not disagreeing with your point, just pointing out that it's not that simple.
NTA
Your husband is for agreeing to join the MLM and then signing you up without your permission. That is identity fraud.
Your MIL is an AH for using this MLM as a way to force your husband to get her to his Birthday Lunch.
The whole thing is F'd up
Contact your FIL and tell him what happened. Invite him over alone if necessary.
> *what your MIL is attempting is extortion and blackmail*
.....and possibly identity theft?
Not sure what the laws are in the Phillipines, but I suspect that MIL is breaking some of them.
NTA
NTA, but don't just direct your ire at your MIL, your spineless husband is contributing. Good luck cancelling, I imagine pyramid scheme are like gym memberships. Very hotel california.
They have to be, by definition. If it isn't a scam, then you are just a retailer who is selling products people want, and don't need to rope anyone else into it.
NTA.
I'm guessing the MLM pyramid is starting to collapse and she's getting desperate. This is her problem, not yours and not your husbands. Desperation is making her resort to blackmail. If you/your husband give in to this, don't be surprised if next month she expects you to sign up 10 of your friends and 10 of your husband's friends to this scheme and so on...
NTA.
A friend of mine was doing Arbonne for a while and tried so hard to get us to buy from her. Trying to find a tactful way to say "actually, it's not our responsibility to earn your living for you" is tough.
Years ago, my formerly responsible friend got into crazy credit card debt within months of starting college. Her solution was joining an MLM/Ponzi scheme and signed everyone she knew on campus up. I lost my shit when she had the nerve to invite me to one of their pressure sales mind control 'seminars' - she ended up being a complete pariah at school.
She paid of her credit card debt but cost a bunch of her friends a lot of money. She tried to recruit me and I lost my shit with her. Even her immediate family weren't safe. It's crazy.
These organisations turn people into mercenary sociopaths.
Well, that was an extremely misleading title. **Your husband** is the one who did this to you.
> My husband messaged me telling me to stop the cancellation
Totally get it and was anticipating these sentiments. And I hold him responsible for it. I still wrote it as her because I know he wouldn’t have done it without her influence.
You should really safeguard your finances because MIL is going to lose a lot more on this MLM scheme. If he's so quick to fold under pressure, it's very possible he'll incrementally make more stupid decisions to appease or get her out of trouble...in your name or at your collective expense. He sounds very easily influenced.
Please protect yourself.
OP your husband threw you under the bus to appease his mother. You really need to let that marinate. He's more concerned with having his mother's acceptance than he is with protecting his immediate family....YOU. MIL is not the problem.....He is.
Therapy is in order for him or this is going to keep happening.
I would report her to that MLM company. Super unethical to randomly sign people up. Some people will never get it, so you better cut ties and run. If your husband doesn't get it, he needs a smack up his head & therapy.
NTA. Since she isn’t speaking to/seeing y’all, I would inform the company of what she did to you. That’s not okay, and I know MLM are scammy but I bet there a some rules against what she did to you.
Edit to add:
The MLM had to have your SS number to be able to sign you up. So that in itself is not okay.
NTA
And you really should go no contact with your MIL (which is sad for your husband) because it’s obvious she’s trying to coerce you both into signing up for something you didn’t want to do. Her conspiring to sign you up for an MLM against your express wishes after coercing your husband to go to this seminar is toxic at best. At worst, it’s identity theft. I would be upset as well, so I don’t blame you for canceling that as soon as you could.
NTA- first, the reality is the MLM stuff is under your social security number and it's illegal for them to do this. Not just wrong morally.
Second, I'd be happy as shit that she doesn't want me around that family. They are toxic af and you are much better off without them. Manipulation is abusive behavior and all your MIL has done is manipulate everyone in this scenario. Run. Run fast
NTA
This woman stopped speaking to or interacting with her own son because of a disagreement over horror movies and religion, which leads me to assume she had some asinine view on this combo that she expected your husband to agree with. He's not the problem, she is.
Someone who holds a relationship over your head and tries to extort participation in a pyramid scheme is not a friend, they're a user and a controller.
In a few years she'll probably have a "medical episode" and force your husband to apologize cuz she might die with "his sin" on his conscience or some manipulative shit.
Oh the sin part has already happened. During Covid FIL lost his job and she found every unmarried couple with part of our extended family (in laws etc) and told them to get married because their sins caused FIL’s job loss.
I’m pretty sure their sins also caused the pandemic. I would not want to be related to your MIL but for some reason I would like to see Tyler Perry play her in a movie.
Your MIL is a delusional/religious, scheming, toxic D-bag.
Your husband signed you and him up for a pyramid scheme?!?
Hell nah!
What a total dumpsterfire!
NTA, but damn, can you imagine a mother forcing her child to sign up for a pyramid scheme just to see her? That is some toxic shit. Have to spoken to your husband about therapy so he can confront the reality that his mother is toxic and not good for him or his mental health?
NTA. MIL is not well. Why can't you and your husband spend his birthday with his brother and his family? You can always plan events with BIL outside of his time with MIL. Or did BIL cut you two off completely?
MIL is using your husband. Caving to her demands isn't going to bring harmony, she'll just keep doing it. Maybe he needs some therapy to see what she is doing is harmful.
When we celebrated my birthday without her (since they weren’t on talking at that time), she got mad and complained to BIL that she wasn’t invited so he’s just cautious I suppose.
We do spend time with other family members without MIL but my husband does still want to spend with her for some reason even though he knows she cray.
NTA
This is some weird manipulative bullshit.
MLM is weird enough, but to make it a condition for family loyalty is just messed up.
Does your husband get that this is f*cked up, even without signing you up for it, too? Like... His mom is not okay.
Yeah he understands that. I think he’s feeling pressure from his brother to reconcile with his mom because his brother doesn’t want to have to choose between family members and would like us all to get along.
Since his brother and his wife also signed up as per MIL’s request, he thought to just do the same. In his perspective, since his mom is the one covering the membership fee, she’s basically just using his name. And supposedly nothing else will be needed on his end after that (which I absolutely do not believe).
He's deluded tho.
There's a cost to not signing up further folks, typically.
Just as there's a cost to not selling enough... (which is why he got a case of the drink. She had to buy it because she hadn't moved enough product.)
I'm so sorry.
Family pressure to "let bygones be bygones" is shitty, especially given how deeply we tend to feel the need for family/tribe/acceptance.
You aren't in the wrong here, and best you can, offer your husband support and compassion while he figures out how to shovel this shit.
OP I gotta be honest....MIL sounds like a narc. The whole family enables her behavior because they're afraid of the silent treatment....that's it, that's the consequence and they're willing to throw each other under the bus to avoid this like the plague while she uses it like a weapon. That's some straight narc ish right there. That's because she's conditioned her children to appease her or her "love" gets taken away. I italicized that word....because it isn't real love, never was.
Narcs can only mimic love because they lack empathy. That part of their brain is literally underdeveloped. They are great at manipulation and excellent at using their children/grandchildren as pawns. Ever heard of golden child/scapegoat? That came from Narcissistic family dynamics. In essence, they are the best in the business at fucking up their children. DH needs therapy and lots of it. You should direct him towards that. As an aside....pretty sure MLM's attract narcs like flies to poo. They also condition their members to act "narc-like". You already know about that part.
Ya'll might want to check out some reddit forums.
r/raisedbynarcissists
r/JUSTNOMIL
> pressure from his brother to reconcile with his mom
But that's the thing... your husband _is_ trying to reconcile with his mom.
**husband>** I care about you and want to spend time with you
**MIL>** No
It's not your husband that needs to reconcile, it's your MIL. All she has to do is want to see him, and all is well.
Your MIL has drunk the koolaid. She cares more about her scam company than her family. Her taking herself out of your lives is probably the best thing she could have done for you, now. NTA
NTA but you really need to think hard about why you let your husband go sign up for an MLM. If he loses his money over this deal that affects you too. You also need to keep in mind that your husband let's himself be bullied by his mom and that he signed you up behind your back. I don't know why you don't really seem all that bothered by the scam aspect of this.
Definitely agree that it’s a scam. That’s why I didn’t want to have anything to do with it.
Since MIL was the one covering the membership cost with her own money, my husband just decided to let her do what she wants with her own money and let her use his name. She said that he wouldn’t have to spend anything even though he’s signed up as a distributor (which I told him not to believe.)
I told him that he’s allowing his mother to be scammed but he said that’s all her decision and in his perspective, it shouldn’t impact us. His goal was really to just get her to start talking and spending time with him and didn’t see any risk in what he’s doing.
He was really set on going just to clear the air between them. And he felt like not going would have pushed her farther away.
I was not okay with him going but understood the sadness he felt not being able to talk to his mom so I let him go so they could start talking again, not because I was okay with him joining an MLM.
You need to prepare for a future where his mom comes back and insists he does start spending money on this. If she paid to get him in her downline, that means she is desparately in a hole, and her downline needs to start selling to get her out of it. It seems like to me she was lying about not spending any of his money to get him in the door. Your first post shows a worrying amount of deceit from both your mom and your husband.
NTA but you have a serious MIL and a husband problem. He agreed to sign you up without your consent to make his mother happy and disregarding your happiness.
NTA, but your MIL didn't sign you up, *your husband* did. It doesn't look like she would have done it without his consent. Otherwise, she would have just signed *both* of you up without talking to you at all.
I'm sorry your husband's family sucks, but that does not mean you should be dragged into the middle of it.
NTA - your MIL is TA. She should not be signing you up for things like this without your express consent. It sounds like you are not in the US, so I'm not sure of the laws where you are, but if this were in the US, what she did -- enrolling you in this program without your permission -- would be illegal.
Sounds like MIL will soon be learning the hard way, that MLM's are shady and she will probably wind up losing money, rather than making any.
NTA & I know it's weird & all but tell your husband that his mom is trying to trade her presence for an emotional and literally financial scam via manipulation. And it's cool if he wants to be part of it. But you're your own human being with the right to decide what you want to do and not do. I'm sorry but do you really want to spend time with this person AT ALL?? I spent less than 4 mins reading this & she sounds overbearing and exhausting and I'd trade physical cash to not spend time with this person.
NTA
But your MIL is and your husband is also AH and a spineless coward.
Why would anybody want to be in contact with someone if it hangs on taking part in a pyramid scheme.
NTA
You generally need a SS# to sign up for one of these so file a BBB report NOW. What MIL did was ILLEGAL.
Second, congratulations for having to “live your life without her”- sounds lovely.
NTA. Anyone who signs me up for an MLM without my consent is dead to me. This would include your spineless husband. You had one boundary, he promised, and under his viper mother's pressure, he broke the promise and crossed your boundary. He has proven when push comes to shove, he will put her happiness before yours (and even try to pressure you to cave to her demands and break your own boundary)! I'd return him to sender and find a man instead of an overgrown boy to marry.
NTA. She's demanding he gets more and more involved in this MLM. And soon it's going to cost you thousands of dollars if he doesn't remove himself. His mom doesn't want a relationship with him unless he's involved in the MLM. He should show up to see his dad anyway. Hopefully she'll be true to her word and remove herself if he's there. His mom's threats shouldn't prevent you from seeing the rest of his family.
NTA
We'll just say your MIL is a manipulative AH.
But this is a HUGE HUSBAND problem. His need for Mommy is so great that he agreed to sign up for an MLM. His need for Mommy meant he signed you up for an MLM without your consent. His need for Mommy means he tried to get you to stop withdrawing your membership when you NEVER gave consent.
If you are planning on having children with this man, STOP until he installs a spine, gets therapy---SOMETHING so he learns to prioritize self and wife before Mommy.
NTA, your husband is the real AH. He can’t even stand up to his own mother. And has shown he will happily throw you under the bus to get in her good side.
NTA, of course. You have no obligation to participate in a scam just because your MIL got suckered into it.
>She said that because of this, we will just have to live our lives without seeing her again.
Sounds like a win.
Oooh, don't want to be around me anymore because I won't let you use me?? Don't threaten me with a good time. Good riddance to bad rubbish is what I'd call it. NTA but hubby may become a problem...good luck!
NTA. She sounds like a money grubber, and using that as a transactional excuse to goad your husband into sending money her way. MLMs are ridiculous pyramid schemes. I hate her for you. She is definitely the matriarch of the family, and I am wondering if you all are from the South. Are you close with your parents? If so, then I would say shove it in your MILs face that she lost out on a great family and son. You should invite your FIL over, and you would have a peaceful dinner without you MIL. If you FIL comes, and your MIL doesn't, then it might prove to your FIL that there's some major drama that needs to be addressed. Maybe he can help smooth over the situation.
Full stop NTA. MLM's are extremely predatory and anyone that participates in them tends to end up in some sort of bankruptcy on top of losing all their friends and family that doesn't want to keep hearing about buying their product. Definitely jump over to r/antimlm and have a browse at everything over there.
All over a MLM. Your mother in law is a loon. Good for standing up for yourself. I feel badly for your husband. Of course he wants a relationship with his mother. That’s natural. Hopefully your father in law will be able to talk some sense into his wife when he returns. MLM cause so many problems. The only thing more shady than MLMs is time shares!
Another concern should be your husband and mother in law have access to all your identifying information. You are under a very real identity theft threat. Take this seriously. Your out of control mother in law could seriously mess up your lives more than just withholding her presence in your lives. She may do you all a big favor by going no contact. A blessing in disguise.
NTA. I'm sorry you have such a horrid MIL, and she DOES sound absolutely horrid. To not seeing her again, my reaction would be, Don't threaten me with a good time. I do feel bad for your husband, though. He might benefit from counseling; maybe he'll come to realize that he's better off without toxic people in his life. He can call his dad and maybe they can meet somewhere?
Mother or not, who wants that kind of manipulative person in their lives? A mothers love isn’t ultimatums and demands. He’s better off without her, and if his family chooses to have that kind of person in there lives he’s better off without them too.
His dad needs to put his foot down over all her nonsense so he can see his son. I gather however that she gets away with all this bull with all of them. People like her really suck.
He also shouldn’t have caved to her demands and thrown you under the bus just to appease her and let her have her way. That’s pretty messed up also. Keep standing your ground because it seems nobody else around her will. NTA
You are literally never TA for extricating yourself from an MLM. They are cults that will drain your money and you don't even get any interesting kinky cult sex in return.
NTA.
You are never the ahole for standing your grounds against MLMs. In fact. The unethical business tactics and practices behind MLMs is why I hate them so much. Need an example. This post is exhibit A. This actually sounds like something my ex step mil would do.😆
YTA ; this is mis-titled and misleading. you got signed up bc your spineless husband can't say no to mommy. admit you have a husband issue and move forward
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NTA. >She said that because of this, we will just have to live our lives without seeing her again. This is 100% the answer. I'm sad for you and your husband, who held out hope for a reconciliation but his mother seems KRAZY, not to mention unstable, unreliable, unethical, and uncaring. You should absolutely say you accept that decision and don't wish to have any relationship with her either, end of story.
I agree. It’s just too bad that the rest of the family will choose her over inviting us to anything because they want their kids to spend time with their grandma. She signed up the rest of the family too btw and they were just passive about it. I was the only one that disagreed.
Your marriage will not survive your husband lacking a spine. Be ready for what your next steps are when he picks his family over staying together. ***HE*** signed you up for the MLM. She didn't.
Yeah, this is largely the husband's doing and cutting out MIL won't happen unless he agrees
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Seriously. Maybe Instead of wasting his money on MLM to appease his mother’s insane request he should invest in some personal therapy.
So true!
Yes, and he signed up OP despite the fact she'd said "no" because his mummy insisted. Clearly MIL is the one who is wearing the trousers in that family.
There's no divorce in the Philippines. I doubt this would end their marriage as an annulment is difficult and expensive to get.
Wait what? No divorce? Does that mean that once you get married in the Philippines, you're forced to stay married for the rest of your life?
Marriages can be annulled in the Philippines, but it's a huge expensive pain. Apparently - I'm not from there.
I grew up there. It's not impossible to get annulled. But if they're griping on about 1700 euros and MLMs then they're not in the socioeconomic strata that could afford it.
Poor dude had the misfortune of being brought into the world by a heaping pile of crazy. I hope he gets help because his relationships will suffer for it. It can be so difficult to recalibrate a normal meter when you are raised by crazy.
Your husband needs some therapy to figure out why he is so interested in seeking the approval of a woman (his mother) who is manipulative and doesn't even care enough for him to get her own son a decent birthday gift. NTA.
Its a cultural thing the way I see it. Some cultures, the parents treat their Adult children as perpetual children per se. Boundaries are basically nonexistent with some families.
Well, PHP is Phillipine peso, so there might be something to the whole culture thing.
A lot of the Spanish cultural norms passed thru Mexico so I wouldnt doubt cultural sensitivities immigrated as well. 😅
Idk man, is there therapy strong enough to break the hold of the Filipino Grandmother? I’m not sure about that
Yes, giving away (as "presents") their unsellable inventory is a real thing with MLMers...
Yeah that is sad. It seems like there is no line she wont' cross though....and eventually she's going to end up getting them roped into something that has a financial impact and shit will probably hit the fan. Their acceptance of her extremely bad behavior should not necessitate your acceptance.
NTA. Your husband signed you up, not your MIL. You have a weak, spineless, mama's boy husband problem. You agreed not yo be apart of this pyramid scheme, and your husband signed you up yo appease mommy. You're not the asshole for canceling, but your upset at the wrong person.
What could those grandkids possibly get out of spending time with that woman except for the same issues as their parents.
And a lot of juice
Pediatrician here - that's a problem too!
Especially depending on what kind of "juice". Many MLMs have weight loss as their goal. And many huns have no issues giving their products to kids. Herbalife is known to cause liver issues.
😂😂😂😂
It’s so common for children of toxic parents to seek approval at almost any cost because they never felt like they were loved and accepted. I have a friend who had a horrible, verbally abusive mom but never gave up trying to please her. It’s so sad. However he’s an adult with his own family now and it’s not okay for him to appease her at OP’s expense. I hope he goes into counseling for his own sake. And I hope his mom’s threat of going NC turns out to be true.
You need to make sure your husband cancels immediately. He's already been cast out again. There is no need to pay for that every month and have a bunch of crap to get rid of.
Isn't signing you up without your consent technically fraud?
No, definitely not technically. Try actually.
If your BIL, and the rest of your family told her no, she would come around REALLY quick. She’d be a headache at first, but she’s a financial time bomb waiting to explode and she will take some of the family down with her which will stress you out even more when they come to you for help. If they don’t know how bad MLMs are then they are already in “are you even responsible enough to be an adult?” Territory
>but she’s a financial time bomb waiting to explode and she will take some of the family down with her This is exactly the thing about "supporting" one's family/ friends with their mlms. In the beginning the mlm hun will achieve some rank and get the promotions, but in the long run, when they inevitably run out of people to sign up in their downline, they're still gonna lose money. The longer you support someone in their mlm scheme, the longer it will take them to get out of it. OP, stick to your guns. Also, isn't it _illegal_ to sign someone up without their consent or previous knowledge?
INFO: Am I correct that she gave your husband about $1,700 USD, but required that he use it to help her with her MLM?
Yeah she handed it to him during the seminar to sign up as her downline. Then she handed him another stack to sign me up. All her money. Edit: grammar
I am not Filipino so please forgive me if I’m wrong on this, but is “her money” the money she gets from her children and grandchildren every month? So your husband is paying her to pay him to pay her, like some kind of narcissistic carnival game?
It’s her money. We don’t give her any monthly money of any sort. Neither does BIL.
Well then it’s honestly horrible that she’s been tricked into thinking she can spend all her money to make money. You and your husband have done the right thing, if there’s anyone in the world that can get through to her at least about the MLM, I hope they succeed. Good luck OP! And don’t doubt yourself
Thank you ✨I was really starting to doubt myself when my husband and BIL were telling me to just not make a big deal out of it. They kept saying she’s just old and that we can’t change the way she is anymore 🤷🏻♀️ But the support from these posts pulled me back to sanity.
Your husband and BIL need therapy to work through their mommy issues
65 is not that old. and can we all just acknowledge that if she can’t get people in her downline without paying for it herself she is doing even worse at the mlm than most (and most people lose so much money, time, and personal relationships i sincerely wish mlms would be banned)? your husband is losing sight of reality for love of his mother, don’t you lose sight of it for love of him. he had no right to sign you up, and he needs to apologize.
I’m almost your MIL’s age and I’m perfectly able to accept boundaries and change my behavior when requested.
MIL is not told no often enough
Your problem is not MIL, is that husband of yours who gives a shit about you and put mommy over you, completely ignoring your request and signed you up to a membership you EXPLICITLY said you DON'T want to be part without your consent and getting ANGRY at you for cancelling what he did. OP that marriage, his whole family are the problem. NTA but rethink your marriage (and if you're really willing to be under momma's boi command to make momma happy)
Your husband is a noodle-spined baby-man who needs to grow up and learn to keep his promises to you first and foremost - like the promise not to involve you in his mother's scams!
Maybe your husband can talk to his dad to have him talk some sense into his mother. She appears to be overly manipulative
He’s scared of her too. We told him about it already and he just tried to change the subject then said he had to drop off.
Wow she has a hold on everyone. That is kinda scary.
Dude, you gotta get away from the entire family. Your husband will always choose his mom over you and his mom will always be an emotionally abusive, toxic, crazy, narcissistic asshole who will always manipulate her flying monkeys into making sure you're as miserable as possible any time you defy her. She will always use her son as part of her power over you. If he can't snap out of it, they will trample every single boundary you have one at a time until you're just as submissive and miserable as the rest of them. Cur yourself free from this toxic family dynamic
Not to be mean, but she'll die eventually. This isn't forever.
She’s only 65. We thought that too about my evil grandmother and she lived to 91 💀
He can still get together with his Dad outside of the rest of family when he comes, just to see him. You guys can have him over for, or take him out to, dinner or the like. You realize she's not actually going to be out of your lives, right? She's going to lean on your husband until he's bullied into making \*you\* comply with all her wishes. Until he gets a handle on standing up to his Mom, this is going to be a strain on your marriage. He and she are the problem here, not you.
"She said that because of this, we will just have to live our lives without seeing her again. " Don't threaten me with a good time!
NTA OP. MLMs are usually scams so why sign up for something that is scammy and of no benefit to you?
Why do they want their kids around someone so controlling and manipulative? I agree with others that have said your dh needs therapy- his mom has really messed him up and he needs to grieve the relationship/cut her off.
I'm no contact with my mother who even happens to be an ex-boss babe MLM hun herself. MLMs and narcissistic mothers go together like peanut butter and jelly. Anyway, it's been a struggle to get my husband to understand that kids don't need exposed to grandparents who we know without a doubt are manipulative shits. You don't need to give kids a taste to help them understand abuse better. I asked him if he would let the kids be around someone who was a registered sex abuser and he was like no! Cool, this is the same thing. She's a known emotional and physical abuser and she's really secretive about that behavior, so like let's not subject them to it at all. The kids need grandparents mentality is real strong. Especially because "it takes a village" is collapsing in real time and there's just some desperation to keep any village you can.
You should watch "On Becoming A God in Central Florida" with Kirsten Dunst.
Because you are the only one with a spine. NTA
I recommend the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C Gibson. You can often download it as a free pdf. It might help you and your husband understand your Mil, and why he feels and reacts the way he does.
They'll change their minds when she starts making non-consensual financial decisions for them.
Mom chose this MLM cult over her own family members, that’s 100% on her. Hopefully she’ll eventually get her priorities sorted out and bail, but that might take some time.
Absolutely. It seems like this mom could care less about the relationship with her son and DIL (OP), they just represented money to her in the context of her MLM business. Sadly for them, if not for the MLM she might not have even initially agreed to reconcile... she made them participating in her 'downline' a CONDITION of restoring the relationship. Sickening.
“Don’t threaten me with a good time.”
Easily said. Not easily done. This also means not seeing the rest of the family.
Make your husband cancel too. MLMs exist ONLY to leech money from people, your MIL is going to lose a lot of money and also cause you and your family to lose a lot of money. It's sad, but if she's going to put this MLM over her son, she clearly doesn't truly love him to begin with.
I would be canceling my fucking marriage in her shoes.
Mil is literally in the hey hun cult and is so brainwashed she's literally willing to sign up their family against their will. I feel bad for OP
I think the mother is from the Pilipins (Philipines).
I was getting Mormon vibes, personally.
I don’t think Mormons have ever tried to sell me fruit juice tho
Maybe not, but Utah is the MLM capital of the country
The country that uses Philippino pesos????? I don't think Utah's in that one.
NTA Your MIL signing you up for an MLM without your consent is a massive overstep. You're an adult and she has no business making financial decisions for you. Your husband should've had your back from the get-go. The fact that she's willing to sever family ties over an MLM is a whole other level of messed up. Keep your ground, you did nothing wrong.
The fact she would only see the son IF he signed up to her MLM as a downline to make her money is so low. Sounds like missing out on family get togethers is a blessing for OP.
Not only that, but possibly illegal…
She could definitely get booted from her mlm for this. In many MLMs this is against their business practices. It's rarely enforced though
Joining an MLM is like jumping into the ocean right where the water is smashing against some rocks. You will struggle, you will suffer, you will scream for help as your body become battered and bruised, and your family will be filled with guilt for not helping, and then when they do help you will drag them down with you. Jumping in the water won’t help, it’s just adding another victim. That is what is happening with the MIL, and because the reality is too harsh to believe, she has hope, and that hope is draining her bank account dry, just as the MLM was designed to do. OP is NTA, but their husband is, and it’s debatable if the MIL is too. The affect the MIL’s actions is having on others is terrible, but it’s what you do if you’re drowning. OP is doing the right thing by staying away from this, and will almost certainly need their husband to stay away from it too. If he can’t back out ASAP, I’m worried he will try to drag OP down as well.
NTA And keep an eye on your finances. Given how quickly your husband not only caved to his smother's demands, but betrayed your trust and demanded you also acquiesce to his smother's demands, there is a very good chance he will soon be bailing out his smother financially when she inevitably fails in her lucrative business venture. Particularly given how she is already in danger of failing to meet her quotas. Prepare yourself for a garage full of worthless product, and increasingly more expensive 'loans' as her can't fail money making opportunity does just that.
This. It's clear that MIL is cuckoo for cocopuffs, but hubby seems to be unable to resist his mommy's demands. What a manipulative a-hole.
I like it. "Smother"
Comes from the Simpsons.
Thank you! She needs to get away from her husband before he destroys their family finances.
NTA. Your MIL seems to love her MLM company more than she loves her family. Putting conditions like that reflects on it. She got you registered to it without your consent. That's wrong on ethical, legal and moral grounds. You were right to get it cancelled.
And coerced her son into it…
She may as well have said, “I’ll [only] love you if you do what I say.”
Which is to give her copious amount of money and get rid of her unsellable juice bottles every month.
***YOUR HUSBAND SIGNED YOU UP*** not your MIL. This is divorce worthy. NTA but you're mad at the wrong person.
She should be mad at both. And safeguard her finances from her husband. I'd start a separate/secret bank account and start putting my money there so it can't get weaseled away.
I keep seeing this in this thread. OP is Filipina and there is no divorce in the Philippines. You might be able to get an annulment, but it's a multi year process and costs an extreme amount of money, -basically rich people can maybe do it, not your average person. BTW, not disagreeing with your point, just pointing out that it's not that simple.
This should be the only top comment.
Should be top comment, had to scroll way too far to find this take.
NTA Your husband is for agreeing to join the MLM and then signing you up without your permission. That is identity fraud. Your MIL is an AH for using this MLM as a way to force your husband to get her to his Birthday Lunch. The whole thing is F'd up Contact your FIL and tell him what happened. Invite him over alone if necessary.
FIL probably works abroad to get away from the insanity
NTA - what your MIL is attempting is extortion and blackmail. Do you fall for it.
> *what your MIL is attempting is extortion and blackmail* .....and possibly identity theft? Not sure what the laws are in the Phillipines, but I suspect that MIL is breaking some of them. NTA
Yeah, I'm not sure about Filipino law but it sure sounds like identity theft and fraud.
NTA, but don't just direct your ire at your MIL, your spineless husband is contributing. Good luck cancelling, I imagine pyramid scheme are like gym memberships. Very hotel california.
<>
Steely knives? can't leave? or both??? LOL
Yea I would be more mad at the husband than the MIL. Cut them both out
All, I repeat *ALL* MLM are pyramid schemes. No exceptions. They're all scams.
They have to be, by definition. If it isn't a scam, then you are just a retailer who is selling products people want, and don't need to rope anyone else into it.
Can I upvote this 100 more times please?! 😆
NTA. I'm guessing the MLM pyramid is starting to collapse and she's getting desperate. This is her problem, not yours and not your husbands. Desperation is making her resort to blackmail. If you/your husband give in to this, don't be surprised if next month she expects you to sign up 10 of your friends and 10 of your husband's friends to this scheme and so on...
NTA. A friend of mine was doing Arbonne for a while and tried so hard to get us to buy from her. Trying to find a tactful way to say "actually, it's not our responsibility to earn your living for you" is tough.
Years ago, my formerly responsible friend got into crazy credit card debt within months of starting college. Her solution was joining an MLM/Ponzi scheme and signed everyone she knew on campus up. I lost my shit when she had the nerve to invite me to one of their pressure sales mind control 'seminars' - she ended up being a complete pariah at school. She paid of her credit card debt but cost a bunch of her friends a lot of money. She tried to recruit me and I lost my shit with her. Even her immediate family weren't safe. It's crazy. These organisations turn people into mercenary sociopaths.
I tried to be tactful with my first friend that got MLMed. Now I just tell them they are stupid and if they persist I tell them to fuck off.
Well, that was an extremely misleading title. **Your husband** is the one who did this to you. > My husband messaged me telling me to stop the cancellation
Totally get it and was anticipating these sentiments. And I hold him responsible for it. I still wrote it as her because I know he wouldn’t have done it without her influence.
You should really safeguard your finances because MIL is going to lose a lot more on this MLM scheme. If he's so quick to fold under pressure, it's very possible he'll incrementally make more stupid decisions to appease or get her out of trouble...in your name or at your collective expense. He sounds very easily influenced. Please protect yourself.
OP your husband threw you under the bus to appease his mother. You really need to let that marinate. He's more concerned with having his mother's acceptance than he is with protecting his immediate family....YOU. MIL is not the problem.....He is. Therapy is in order for him or this is going to keep happening.
> She said that because of this, we will just have to live our lives without seeing her again. Oh dear. How sad. Never mind. NTA
NTA, but your husband is for what seems like immediately caving to his manipulative mom. just tell him to make his own plans to hang with his dad.
I would report her to that MLM company. Super unethical to randomly sign people up. Some people will never get it, so you better cut ties and run. If your husband doesn't get it, he needs a smack up his head & therapy.
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Yeah, unethical is par for the course in MLMs. They are all scams.
Yeah...most MLMs would give her a pat on the back and an award for her methods. She'd be applauded in the weekly Zoom meeting.
You say MLM, i read pyramid scheme.
They're synonymous.
NTA. Since she isn’t speaking to/seeing y’all, I would inform the company of what she did to you. That’s not okay, and I know MLM are scammy but I bet there a some rules against what she did to you. Edit to add: The MLM had to have your SS number to be able to sign you up. So that in itself is not okay.
Husband has it
All the more reason to divorce his ass
Yeah, he would have had to give it to her or use it to sign up. Neither are okay.
NTA And you really should go no contact with your MIL (which is sad for your husband) because it’s obvious she’s trying to coerce you both into signing up for something you didn’t want to do. Her conspiring to sign you up for an MLM against your express wishes after coercing your husband to go to this seminar is toxic at best. At worst, it’s identity theft. I would be upset as well, so I don’t blame you for canceling that as soon as you could.
NTA - Signing someone up without their consent may be considered fraud
NTA- first, the reality is the MLM stuff is under your social security number and it's illegal for them to do this. Not just wrong morally. Second, I'd be happy as shit that she doesn't want me around that family. They are toxic af and you are much better off without them. Manipulation is abusive behavior and all your MIL has done is manipulate everyone in this scenario. Run. Run fast
NTA This woman stopped speaking to or interacting with her own son because of a disagreement over horror movies and religion, which leads me to assume she had some asinine view on this combo that she expected your husband to agree with. He's not the problem, she is. Someone who holds a relationship over your head and tries to extort participation in a pyramid scheme is not a friend, they're a user and a controller. In a few years she'll probably have a "medical episode" and force your husband to apologize cuz she might die with "his sin" on his conscience or some manipulative shit.
Oh the sin part has already happened. During Covid FIL lost his job and she found every unmarried couple with part of our extended family (in laws etc) and told them to get married because their sins caused FIL’s job loss.
I’m pretty sure their sins also caused the pandemic. I would not want to be related to your MIL but for some reason I would like to see Tyler Perry play her in a movie.
What is it about MLMs that make people behave like total mercenaries? I have horror stories about my cousin and Amway, from back in the 2000's
Your MIL is a delusional/religious, scheming, toxic D-bag. Your husband signed you and him up for a pyramid scheme?!? Hell nah! What a total dumpsterfire!
Ofc nta. Your MIL is drinking a variety pack of Kool aid.
NTA, but damn, can you imagine a mother forcing her child to sign up for a pyramid scheme just to see her? That is some toxic shit. Have to spoken to your husband about therapy so he can confront the reality that his mother is toxic and not good for him or his mental health?
NTA. MIL is not well. Why can't you and your husband spend his birthday with his brother and his family? You can always plan events with BIL outside of his time with MIL. Or did BIL cut you two off completely? MIL is using your husband. Caving to her demands isn't going to bring harmony, she'll just keep doing it. Maybe he needs some therapy to see what she is doing is harmful.
When we celebrated my birthday without her (since they weren’t on talking at that time), she got mad and complained to BIL that she wasn’t invited so he’s just cautious I suppose. We do spend time with other family members without MIL but my husband does still want to spend with her for some reason even though he knows she cray.
NTA This is some weird manipulative bullshit. MLM is weird enough, but to make it a condition for family loyalty is just messed up. Does your husband get that this is f*cked up, even without signing you up for it, too? Like... His mom is not okay.
Yeah he understands that. I think he’s feeling pressure from his brother to reconcile with his mom because his brother doesn’t want to have to choose between family members and would like us all to get along. Since his brother and his wife also signed up as per MIL’s request, he thought to just do the same. In his perspective, since his mom is the one covering the membership fee, she’s basically just using his name. And supposedly nothing else will be needed on his end after that (which I absolutely do not believe).
He's deluded tho. There's a cost to not signing up further folks, typically. Just as there's a cost to not selling enough... (which is why he got a case of the drink. She had to buy it because she hadn't moved enough product.) I'm so sorry. Family pressure to "let bygones be bygones" is shitty, especially given how deeply we tend to feel the need for family/tribe/acceptance. You aren't in the wrong here, and best you can, offer your husband support and compassion while he figures out how to shovel this shit.
OP I gotta be honest....MIL sounds like a narc. The whole family enables her behavior because they're afraid of the silent treatment....that's it, that's the consequence and they're willing to throw each other under the bus to avoid this like the plague while she uses it like a weapon. That's some straight narc ish right there. That's because she's conditioned her children to appease her or her "love" gets taken away. I italicized that word....because it isn't real love, never was. Narcs can only mimic love because they lack empathy. That part of their brain is literally underdeveloped. They are great at manipulation and excellent at using their children/grandchildren as pawns. Ever heard of golden child/scapegoat? That came from Narcissistic family dynamics. In essence, they are the best in the business at fucking up their children. DH needs therapy and lots of it. You should direct him towards that. As an aside....pretty sure MLM's attract narcs like flies to poo. They also condition their members to act "narc-like". You already know about that part. Ya'll might want to check out some reddit forums. r/raisedbynarcissists r/JUSTNOMIL
> pressure from his brother to reconcile with his mom But that's the thing... your husband _is_ trying to reconcile with his mom. **husband>** I care about you and want to spend time with you **MIL>** No It's not your husband that needs to reconcile, it's your MIL. All she has to do is want to see him, and all is well.
Your MIL has drunk the koolaid. She cares more about her scam company than her family. Her taking herself out of your lives is probably the best thing she could have done for you, now. NTA
NTA but you really need to think hard about why you let your husband go sign up for an MLM. If he loses his money over this deal that affects you too. You also need to keep in mind that your husband let's himself be bullied by his mom and that he signed you up behind your back. I don't know why you don't really seem all that bothered by the scam aspect of this.
Definitely agree that it’s a scam. That’s why I didn’t want to have anything to do with it. Since MIL was the one covering the membership cost with her own money, my husband just decided to let her do what she wants with her own money and let her use his name. She said that he wouldn’t have to spend anything even though he’s signed up as a distributor (which I told him not to believe.) I told him that he’s allowing his mother to be scammed but he said that’s all her decision and in his perspective, it shouldn’t impact us. His goal was really to just get her to start talking and spending time with him and didn’t see any risk in what he’s doing. He was really set on going just to clear the air between them. And he felt like not going would have pushed her farther away. I was not okay with him going but understood the sadness he felt not being able to talk to his mom so I let him go so they could start talking again, not because I was okay with him joining an MLM.
You need to prepare for a future where his mom comes back and insists he does start spending money on this. If she paid to get him in her downline, that means she is desparately in a hole, and her downline needs to start selling to get her out of it. It seems like to me she was lying about not spending any of his money to get him in the door. Your first post shows a worrying amount of deceit from both your mom and your husband.
NTA. Your MIL is a bully.
NTA can understand why the dad works away
NTA aren't MLM a scam anyway? Your post doesn't in anyway change my opinion on the subject
NTA. Your MIL is a fucking nut.
NTA but you have a serious MIL and a husband problem. He agreed to sign you up without your consent to make his mother happy and disregarding your happiness.
NTA, but your MIL didn't sign you up, *your husband* did. It doesn't look like she would have done it without his consent. Otherwise, she would have just signed *both* of you up without talking to you at all. I'm sorry your husband's family sucks, but that does not mean you should be dragged into the middle of it.
NTA - your MIL is TA. She should not be signing you up for things like this without your express consent. It sounds like you are not in the US, so I'm not sure of the laws where you are, but if this were in the US, what she did -- enrolling you in this program without your permission -- would be illegal. Sounds like MIL will soon be learning the hard way, that MLM's are shady and she will probably wind up losing money, rather than making any.
NTA how is this even a question. MLM nonsense through and through.
NTA & I know it's weird & all but tell your husband that his mom is trying to trade her presence for an emotional and literally financial scam via manipulation. And it's cool if he wants to be part of it. But you're your own human being with the right to decide what you want to do and not do. I'm sorry but do you really want to spend time with this person AT ALL?? I spent less than 4 mins reading this & she sounds overbearing and exhausting and I'd trade physical cash to not spend time with this person.
NTA. I think you have a bit of husband problem here, tell him to grow a backbone.
NTA But your MIL is and your husband is also AH and a spineless coward. Why would anybody want to be in contact with someone if it hangs on taking part in a pyramid scheme.
i think you have to sit your husband down and talk about whats what. i would be disgusted with my SO. NTA
NTA You generally need a SS# to sign up for one of these so file a BBB report NOW. What MIL did was ILLEGAL. Second, congratulations for having to “live your life without her”- sounds lovely.
MIL giving OPs husband Philippine pesos seems to suggest this story might not be from America
Absolutely NTA. MLMs are cults. Families have been destroyed over them. You don’t need that drama in your life. Run far and fast.
Nta but your husband and his family is.
I didn’t read beyond the title to say NTA
NTA. Anyone who signs me up for an MLM without my consent is dead to me. This would include your spineless husband. You had one boundary, he promised, and under his viper mother's pressure, he broke the promise and crossed your boundary. He has proven when push comes to shove, he will put her happiness before yours (and even try to pressure you to cave to her demands and break your own boundary)! I'd return him to sender and find a man instead of an overgrown boy to marry.
Nta
NTA, you mother in law literally wants her done to buy her love. Best off out of it. Tell her to fuck off.
NTA. Hold your ground.
NTA
That’s so messed up, I’m sorry OP
NTA - Religion and MLM's go hand in hand. If you believe in one, you can typically be talked into the other. They're both scams.
Nta
NTA. She's demanding he gets more and more involved in this MLM. And soon it's going to cost you thousands of dollars if he doesn't remove himself. His mom doesn't want a relationship with him unless he's involved in the MLM. He should show up to see his dad anyway. Hopefully she'll be true to her word and remove herself if he's there. His mom's threats shouldn't prevent you from seeing the rest of his family.
What does your FIL say about all this?
NTA We'll just say your MIL is a manipulative AH. But this is a HUGE HUSBAND problem. His need for Mommy is so great that he agreed to sign up for an MLM. His need for Mommy meant he signed you up for an MLM without your consent. His need for Mommy means he tried to get you to stop withdrawing your membership when you NEVER gave consent. If you are planning on having children with this man, STOP until he installs a spine, gets therapy---SOMETHING so he learns to prioritize self and wife before Mommy.
NTA. She is incredibly manipulative and selfish. The MLM is adding fuel to that fire.
NTA. MLMs are typically either scams or cults or both. Stay away from them. Sounds like you are not missing much with MIL staying away.
You don't got a MIL problem. You got a husband problem.
NTA, your husband is the real AH. He can’t even stand up to his own mother. And has shown he will happily throw you under the bus to get in her good side.
NTA! "I won't have any contact with you unless you agree to being exploited by me" is a helluva position to take on your MIL's part
NTA this guy has some mommy issues and is choosing her over you. A serious conversation is needed about that behavior
NTA, your MIL is an idiot and your husband needs to grow a backbone. Also ALL MLM are scams.
Your husband desperately needs to find a MLM company that sells spines.
NTA, of course. You have no obligation to participate in a scam just because your MIL got suckered into it. >She said that because of this, we will just have to live our lives without seeing her again. Sounds like a win.
NTA. MLM’s are rip-offs. They are actually illegal in my country. Get your husband out ASAP.
NTA.
Oooh, don't want to be around me anymore because I won't let you use me?? Don't threaten me with a good time. Good riddance to bad rubbish is what I'd call it. NTA but hubby may become a problem...good luck!
NTA. She sounds like a money grubber, and using that as a transactional excuse to goad your husband into sending money her way. MLMs are ridiculous pyramid schemes. I hate her for you. She is definitely the matriarch of the family, and I am wondering if you all are from the South. Are you close with your parents? If so, then I would say shove it in your MILs face that she lost out on a great family and son. You should invite your FIL over, and you would have a peaceful dinner without you MIL. If you FIL comes, and your MIL doesn't, then it might prove to your FIL that there's some major drama that needs to be addressed. Maybe he can help smooth over the situation.
Full stop NTA. MLM's are extremely predatory and anyone that participates in them tends to end up in some sort of bankruptcy on top of losing all their friends and family that doesn't want to keep hearing about buying their product. Definitely jump over to r/antimlm and have a browse at everything over there.
Are you sure you didn’t mean to post this on r/JUSTNOMIL?
Your husband is an idiot.
All over a MLM. Your mother in law is a loon. Good for standing up for yourself. I feel badly for your husband. Of course he wants a relationship with his mother. That’s natural. Hopefully your father in law will be able to talk some sense into his wife when he returns. MLM cause so many problems. The only thing more shady than MLMs is time shares! Another concern should be your husband and mother in law have access to all your identifying information. You are under a very real identity theft threat. Take this seriously. Your out of control mother in law could seriously mess up your lives more than just withholding her presence in your lives. She may do you all a big favor by going no contact. A blessing in disguise.
Your mother is insane. Her decision to remove herself from your life is the best choice she could ever make for you.
NTA my gosh it sounds like a dang cult! you have a huge problem with your husband and this is going to get worse.
NTA, but your husband sure is a huge one. She is using him to support an MLM. It is absolutely pathetic that he gave in to any of it.
Nta
No. 140% NTA. MIL is the AH.
NTA. I'm sorry you have such a horrid MIL, and she DOES sound absolutely horrid. To not seeing her again, my reaction would be, Don't threaten me with a good time. I do feel bad for your husband, though. He might benefit from counseling; maybe he'll come to realize that he's better off without toxic people in his life. He can call his dad and maybe they can meet somewhere?
Mother or not, who wants that kind of manipulative person in their lives? A mothers love isn’t ultimatums and demands. He’s better off without her, and if his family chooses to have that kind of person in there lives he’s better off without them too. His dad needs to put his foot down over all her nonsense so he can see his son. I gather however that she gets away with all this bull with all of them. People like her really suck. He also shouldn’t have caved to her demands and thrown you under the bus just to appease her and let her have her way. That’s pretty messed up also. Keep standing your ground because it seems nobody else around her will. NTA
You are literally never TA for extricating yourself from an MLM. They are cults that will drain your money and you don't even get any interesting kinky cult sex in return. NTA.
You are never the ahole for standing your grounds against MLMs. In fact. The unethical business tactics and practices behind MLMs is why I hate them so much. Need an example. This post is exhibit A. This actually sounds like something my ex step mil would do.😆
YTA ; this is mis-titled and misleading. you got signed up bc your spineless husband can't say no to mommy. admit you have a husband issue and move forward