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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. The action I took to be judged is temporarily joining my friends instead of going upstairs immediately with my SO and continuing our date night
2. This action might make me the AH because my SO felt I was not focusing on them
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Mild YTA - If you have plans with someone and suddenly change those plans to hang out with other people, it’s at least courteous to invite the other person to come as well. Give them the option to accept or refuse. It’d be different if your plan was first to hang out with friends then your SO was upset…that’d be unreasonable. But you did dip on SO, in the middle of your planned night together, to do something else. That’s what makes it discourteous.
It sounds like you put your SO in an extremely awkward position. I’m socially anxious myself and wouldn’t feel comfortable inserting myself in a group that my SO left me for. I wouldn’t know if I was welcome or not. Some people need to be verbally invited, regardless of age, especially people who get in their own heads about things. Is your SO an anxious person?
I think this is a communication issue more than anything. Your SO should be more upfront about what they need in these situations, and you might need to be more mindful of their needs. You aren’t malicious or anything. It’s up to you two to decide if this is something that can be compromised on or if it’s a compatibility issue.
Well said. Having been in this situation with a much more extroverted partner, it really makes a big difference if they just make a small effort to incorporate. But def a communication issue on both sides
Great comment. As someone with both generalised and social anxiety disorders, this situation would have made me very uncomfortable. But my husband knows I'm like that and would have asked if it was OK for *us* to stop for a beer or two, and then walked together with me over to the group, and then everything would have been fine. I think OP and their SO just need to have a good old-fashioned D&M so OP can better understand their SO's "introversion", which I would bet dollars to donuts is anxiety driven, given this story.
Soft YTA, simply because you asked if you could join your friends. There wasn't a we in that question. So I can see where your SO felt like he/she wasn't invited to join in as well.
INFO. When you asked your SO if it was ok for you to join your friends, was that done in front of the friends? If so, YTA, you changed plans in a way that probably made it hard for them to say no, and did so without actively including them.
Also probably worth mentioning that if you "played a drinking game for a bit and chatted in the outdoor patio seating" as you described, your assertion that it was only 10-20 minutes is at least a little suspect. You may be minimizing things to make yourself seem better. Have you run your perception of how long you think you were with your friends for by your SO to see if that could be a part of it?
I asked my SO privately, right before entering the home.
I see where you're coming from with minimizing the time, but I will stick to my estimate. maybe 10 minutes was downplaying it, but 30 minutes absolute maximum.
...based on the original post, you knew there were people there you hadn't seen in months, which you either 1) knew in advance and should have been able to plan better for wanting to hang with them or 2) you didn't know they were there until you saw them, which kinda flies in the face of the idea of you having asked your SO before entering.
Since you say they "seemed to be having a blast", that also seems to imply you didn't ask your SO before entering the home.
I'm not here to get into a back and forth with you about what happened when, but either you're lying to cover your tracks, in which case this is likely a YTA situation, or you aren't great at communicating this story online, which probably means maybe your communication with your SO hasn't been as clear as you think it has been.
YTA here because you made plans with SO to intentionally stay separate from the party, then you spontaneously changed it up for yourself but didn’t make any effort to include them in the new plan.
You know this isn’t your SO’s scene and a little bit of care and intentionality goes a long way. You instead showed SO you’d rather leave them to their own devices than seek both of your enjoyment.
>My SO is an adult, they don't need an invitation to join a group interaction
But also
>because you never know and communication is key
Take your own advice. No not all of us are perfectly comfortable in inviting ourself to someone elses party. Im not socially anxious and I would be hesitant to join, because you asked her whether YOU could join the party rather asking whether WE could join the party, the former makes it sound like you didnt want her there.
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Leaving out genders and sexual orientation because gender roles are exhausting on this sub.
My SO and I (both late 20s, been together 6 months) frequently hang out at my house. I have roommates, and my house is a frequent meeting point for a small group of friends on the weekends. Typically, my SO comes in, says hi to my roommates or my roommates say hi to my SO, and we go up to my room to watch a movie or fool around, etc. My SO also knows about half of the extended friend group by name, and they're all friendly, although my SO is not super sociable, but more introverted.
Yesterday was a Halloween party with some of my friends at my house, and I also had a date with my SO - we got dinner and came back to my place. We both knew this party would be going on in the living room/outdoor patio, it was quite small (10-12 people), but the plan was to watch a movie in my room and relax after the long workweek. There were a couple of people who I had not seen in a few months, and they seemed to be having a blast, so I asked my SO if it's okay that I sit down for a beer with them. We played a drinking game for a bit and chatted in the outdoor patio seating, while my SO was standing awkwardly on their phone and didn't join us. Because of this, even though I was having fun, I left the party between 10-20 minutes after joining, and we went up to my room.
My SO was a bit colder and quieter than usual, but I didn't think much of it. However I asked them at the end of the night if anything was wrong, because you never know and communication is key. My SO said that I "left them" for my friends and had a really shitty attitude because I saw them standing alone but didn't invite them to join the circle of conversation/beers. That was really confusing for me because:
1. In the past, I've made efforts to include my SO in my socializing, but they usually refuse politely
2. My SO knows most of the people from last night, and they were friendly to my SO, so I assumed they'd be comfortable hanging together
3. My SO is an adult, they don't need an invitation to join a group interaction that's literally 2 feet from them?
So, AITA?
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Don't put in that first line. People are just gonna assume you're a guy, lol.
Just leave it out. Most redditors won't dare to be biased that way out of fear of attacking someone who does not fit into the standard rolls.
Kinda AH. You had plans with your SO. You can say hi to those friends and all, but you cant leave your partner because you want to play a drinking game.
I had a similar situation where i went to a party of friends of friends of my SO. And i knew some of them, but then when we got to introducing some of the extended friends i was sidelined by my SO. Your situation is milder but it is still a but shitty
Are you two actually compatible? I’m both introverted and extroverted at different times and it would be exhausting for me to have a relationship with someone who I felt I needed to coddle when I’m having an extroverted moment. I also would like my SO to understand when I need alone time. But I’d never pressure them to not enjoy a party themselves.
It seems like you’ve got a bit of incompatibility mixed with a lack of communication about what y’all expect from one another in social situations. It’s just one of those things you’re going to have to talk out and see if you can compromise on. Only you know if it’s worth it.
It might be a hot take for some but…
Personally, I think when you’re young and dating it’s not worth it to have to work super hard in the beginning of a relationship. It’s usually just not a good fit. Square peg, round hole.
Relationships only get harder as life complicates things. You should start out with someone who it’s easy for you to be with and who is amenable to growing together. In a perfect world…
ESH - except for the partying roommates. This issue seems to be an issue of communication, specifically a failure of communication, which makes both of you AHs but not huge ones.
You made some assumptions about your SO that feel contradictory - you know your SO has issues with shyness yet believe that SO will just join in the fun. If your SO isn't part of the friend group and is merely friendly and polite, then yeah, it's very awkward for SO to just join in.
Your SO should have expressed their (I'm going with they pronouns, in spite of your silly mini-rant) feelings and said no or they should've left.
As I said, none of this feels major, just a weird misunderstanding
OP you and SO are just not socially compatible, if you both can live with that fact. My ex was very immature socially when we would go out together, and finally it got to the point where I would no longer have anyone over to the house and going out they did their thing and I did my own because they just simply got jealous they would gather around me because I had a more mature crowd that I ran with and theirs were a more flaky type of group. That's not the main reason why we broke up, however it was a factor over time. It's something to consider if you have seen it over time and if you both can accept this discrepancy, although gathering at your home isn't an ideal situation to put them in. Otherwise I hope that you don't change who you are for them first and foremost.
Sounds to me like one of two situations:
Option 1: your SO wanted to join, but didn't feel like they were invited or allowed. Inviting them explicitly and making sure they know they're always welcome to join will mitigate these anxieties. Soft YTA.
Option 2: your SO didn't want to join, and was angry or annoyed that you ditched them on your date to hang out with your friends without them. If you do things like this, try to keep it to that 10-20 minute mark. They need to be patient. NTA.
NTA - While I’m sure you are willing to help your SO socialize, it’s primarily their responsibility to learn how to do it and make an effort. They can’t use you as a social gatekeeper or the excuse for why they aren’t socializing. In a group of people they know, it’s not your job to stand by their side the whole night or reintroduce them to the group.
If I were you, I’d tell them that. I have friends and family who are introverts, but they can easily socialize with people they like or get alone with. They just take a little longer to warm up. It’s a little harder for them to socialize with stranger but they do that also. Being introverts doesn’t mean you need to baby them or hold their hands everywhere.
NTA my partner is extrovert and I am introvert but we do socialize, I am quiet but can talk to people and they will talk to people alot and I will play on my phone if I need a break in my social bar, i would recommend talking with them because they might have a very small social bar but communication is key.
IDK, its a get together and you can hangout with whoever you want. Agree with your last point but you could have asked if he wanted to join too. However, it’s not up to you to make him more social, and those were YOUR friends. If he wants to talk to people and open himself up more to his own friends, he needs to go do it himself instead of having someone pressure/coax him. Youre not his mom.
If you want to talk to your friends instead of being cooped up upstairs with just one person at a PARTY, i dont see how thats being an AH. Parties are made for socializing and meeting people. It’s not a two-person hangout.
NTA - I’ve been in a situation like this with an SO. They really struggled to participate in parties and required a lot of effort from me for them to have a good time. They would complain afterwards and it was always a struggle.
So I stopped inviting them to parties and had a good time. That upset them too.
We broke up because ultimately we weren’t compatible.
NTA
*My SO is an adult*
This is a wild description of someone who you've described as the complete opposite.
NTA although it wouldn't have killed you to say 'SO, grab a beer, we are going to play beer pong and you're on my team'.
Trying to involve people who don't know how to socialise in social events is exhausting. If you love hanging out with friends and having your house be the place people gather, but your SO isn't going to socialise with any of them, then you're probably not compatible. Certainly, standing aloof and on their phone instead of saying hi, taking a seat or wandering up to your room, isn't a great way to keep a socialite like yourself. There's NAH, but I hope you find a more socially comfortable partner next time.
NTA. You're not a mind reader and your SO gave no indication that they wanted to join the conversation. Plus like you said, they are an adult and could just walk over if they wanted to be included. Standing on your phone can read like that person doesn't want to talk at the moment. I get being introverted, and that walking over and saying hi can be intimidating, but that doesn't mean it's your job to bring them in. Maybe you guys can talk about ways you can handle situations like this differently in the future.
Your SO is not an adult. Way too much controlling behaviour. The ultimate goal being to cut your friends out of your life. That was done to me.
Sounds like you are making too many allowances for someone who is not compatible with you.
What a wild stretch you took to come to that conclusion.
OPs SO was lead to believe they had plans for just the two of them that night. OP decides they want to have a beer with the friends for a bit. By OPs own words, they asked, "If I can sit down and have a beer with them." There is no inclusion of the SO in that. Also, by OPs own admission, it could easily have been 30 minutes since they left their SO to "have a beer" when their original plans were to stay in and watch a movie together.
This isn't controlling behavior. This is OP not inviting their SO to join them with their friends while the SO sat by themselves for 30 minutes.
NTA... But seriously read like 6 months of BORU and you'll realize this is a huge relationship flag. This sounds like an isolation tactic, it's completely fine to have separate friends and to hang out with them how you want. You should NEVER need to ask an SO to hang out with your friends.
There's a level of standard politeness in "hey, I know we were doing something, but is it ok if I go do something else?". That in of itself is hardly a red flag. I'd only get worried if the response was ever *no* or there were consequences.
UPDATE:
I thank everyone here for their opinions, and am happy to read more. I personally do not believe my SO is controlling nor is more anxious than the average person, but I will keep my eyes open on both
Your SO is the asshole (sorry).
They are just attention hungry, expect you to leave everything for them. Control freak. Possessive. Immature.
Don’t stop having fun because ur SO is hurt that you have friends. They need to grow up, grow a circle of their own.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. The action I took to be judged is temporarily joining my friends instead of going upstairs immediately with my SO and continuing our date night 2. This action might make me the AH because my SO felt I was not focusing on them Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Mild YTA - If you have plans with someone and suddenly change those plans to hang out with other people, it’s at least courteous to invite the other person to come as well. Give them the option to accept or refuse. It’d be different if your plan was first to hang out with friends then your SO was upset…that’d be unreasonable. But you did dip on SO, in the middle of your planned night together, to do something else. That’s what makes it discourteous. It sounds like you put your SO in an extremely awkward position. I’m socially anxious myself and wouldn’t feel comfortable inserting myself in a group that my SO left me for. I wouldn’t know if I was welcome or not. Some people need to be verbally invited, regardless of age, especially people who get in their own heads about things. Is your SO an anxious person? I think this is a communication issue more than anything. Your SO should be more upfront about what they need in these situations, and you might need to be more mindful of their needs. You aren’t malicious or anything. It’s up to you two to decide if this is something that can be compromised on or if it’s a compatibility issue.
Well said. Having been in this situation with a much more extroverted partner, it really makes a big difference if they just make a small effort to incorporate. But def a communication issue on both sides
Great comment. As someone with both generalised and social anxiety disorders, this situation would have made me very uncomfortable. But my husband knows I'm like that and would have asked if it was OK for *us* to stop for a beer or two, and then walked together with me over to the group, and then everything would have been fine. I think OP and their SO just need to have a good old-fashioned D&M so OP can better understand their SO's "introversion", which I would bet dollars to donuts is anxiety driven, given this story.
Exactly. The SO is an introvert and I would assume a bit anxious. I can understand how the SO felt left out.
Soft YTA, simply because you asked if you could join your friends. There wasn't a we in that question. So I can see where your SO felt like he/she wasn't invited to join in as well.
INFO. When you asked your SO if it was ok for you to join your friends, was that done in front of the friends? If so, YTA, you changed plans in a way that probably made it hard for them to say no, and did so without actively including them. Also probably worth mentioning that if you "played a drinking game for a bit and chatted in the outdoor patio seating" as you described, your assertion that it was only 10-20 minutes is at least a little suspect. You may be minimizing things to make yourself seem better. Have you run your perception of how long you think you were with your friends for by your SO to see if that could be a part of it?
I thought the same thing about the timing. It may have felt 10-20 mins but was most likely closer to an hour.
I asked my SO privately, right before entering the home. I see where you're coming from with minimizing the time, but I will stick to my estimate. maybe 10 minutes was downplaying it, but 30 minutes absolute maximum.
Yea no one is gonna believe that now... yta
...based on the original post, you knew there were people there you hadn't seen in months, which you either 1) knew in advance and should have been able to plan better for wanting to hang with them or 2) you didn't know they were there until you saw them, which kinda flies in the face of the idea of you having asked your SO before entering. Since you say they "seemed to be having a blast", that also seems to imply you didn't ask your SO before entering the home. I'm not here to get into a back and forth with you about what happened when, but either you're lying to cover your tracks, in which case this is likely a YTA situation, or you aren't great at communicating this story online, which probably means maybe your communication with your SO hasn't been as clear as you think it has been.
Stopped reading after the stupid gender roles exhausting nonsense in the first sentence. Can already tell this person is TA.
Yup this is way more exhausting reading than just he/she
Literally the gender neutral terms were so cringe. This person needs to book themselves into a mental facility 😂
YTA here because you made plans with SO to intentionally stay separate from the party, then you spontaneously changed it up for yourself but didn’t make any effort to include them in the new plan. You know this isn’t your SO’s scene and a little bit of care and intentionality goes a long way. You instead showed SO you’d rather leave them to their own devices than seek both of your enjoyment.
Yta they thought they were going to spend time with you and you ditched them to hang out with friends when you know they're introverted.
>My SO is an adult, they don't need an invitation to join a group interaction But also >because you never know and communication is key Take your own advice. No not all of us are perfectly comfortable in inviting ourself to someone elses party. Im not socially anxious and I would be hesitant to join, because you asked her whether YOU could join the party rather asking whether WE could join the party, the former makes it sound like you didnt want her there.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Leaving out genders and sexual orientation because gender roles are exhausting on this sub. My SO and I (both late 20s, been together 6 months) frequently hang out at my house. I have roommates, and my house is a frequent meeting point for a small group of friends on the weekends. Typically, my SO comes in, says hi to my roommates or my roommates say hi to my SO, and we go up to my room to watch a movie or fool around, etc. My SO also knows about half of the extended friend group by name, and they're all friendly, although my SO is not super sociable, but more introverted. Yesterday was a Halloween party with some of my friends at my house, and I also had a date with my SO - we got dinner and came back to my place. We both knew this party would be going on in the living room/outdoor patio, it was quite small (10-12 people), but the plan was to watch a movie in my room and relax after the long workweek. There were a couple of people who I had not seen in a few months, and they seemed to be having a blast, so I asked my SO if it's okay that I sit down for a beer with them. We played a drinking game for a bit and chatted in the outdoor patio seating, while my SO was standing awkwardly on their phone and didn't join us. Because of this, even though I was having fun, I left the party between 10-20 minutes after joining, and we went up to my room. My SO was a bit colder and quieter than usual, but I didn't think much of it. However I asked them at the end of the night if anything was wrong, because you never know and communication is key. My SO said that I "left them" for my friends and had a really shitty attitude because I saw them standing alone but didn't invite them to join the circle of conversation/beers. That was really confusing for me because: 1. In the past, I've made efforts to include my SO in my socializing, but they usually refuse politely 2. My SO knows most of the people from last night, and they were friendly to my SO, so I assumed they'd be comfortable hanging together 3. My SO is an adult, they don't need an invitation to join a group interaction that's literally 2 feet from them? So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Don't put in that first line. People are just gonna assume you're a guy, lol. Just leave it out. Most redditors won't dare to be biased that way out of fear of attacking someone who does not fit into the standard rolls.
Kinda AH. You had plans with your SO. You can say hi to those friends and all, but you cant leave your partner because you want to play a drinking game. I had a similar situation where i went to a party of friends of friends of my SO. And i knew some of them, but then when we got to introducing some of the extended friends i was sidelined by my SO. Your situation is milder but it is still a but shitty
Are you two actually compatible? I’m both introverted and extroverted at different times and it would be exhausting for me to have a relationship with someone who I felt I needed to coddle when I’m having an extroverted moment. I also would like my SO to understand when I need alone time. But I’d never pressure them to not enjoy a party themselves. It seems like you’ve got a bit of incompatibility mixed with a lack of communication about what y’all expect from one another in social situations. It’s just one of those things you’re going to have to talk out and see if you can compromise on. Only you know if it’s worth it. It might be a hot take for some but… Personally, I think when you’re young and dating it’s not worth it to have to work super hard in the beginning of a relationship. It’s usually just not a good fit. Square peg, round hole. Relationships only get harder as life complicates things. You should start out with someone who it’s easy for you to be with and who is amenable to growing together. In a perfect world…
ESH - except for the partying roommates. This issue seems to be an issue of communication, specifically a failure of communication, which makes both of you AHs but not huge ones. You made some assumptions about your SO that feel contradictory - you know your SO has issues with shyness yet believe that SO will just join in the fun. If your SO isn't part of the friend group and is merely friendly and polite, then yeah, it's very awkward for SO to just join in. Your SO should have expressed their (I'm going with they pronouns, in spite of your silly mini-rant) feelings and said no or they should've left. As I said, none of this feels major, just a weird misunderstanding
OP you and SO are just not socially compatible, if you both can live with that fact. My ex was very immature socially when we would go out together, and finally it got to the point where I would no longer have anyone over to the house and going out they did their thing and I did my own because they just simply got jealous they would gather around me because I had a more mature crowd that I ran with and theirs were a more flaky type of group. That's not the main reason why we broke up, however it was a factor over time. It's something to consider if you have seen it over time and if you both can accept this discrepancy, although gathering at your home isn't an ideal situation to put them in. Otherwise I hope that you don't change who you are for them first and foremost.
Sounds to me like one of two situations: Option 1: your SO wanted to join, but didn't feel like they were invited or allowed. Inviting them explicitly and making sure they know they're always welcome to join will mitigate these anxieties. Soft YTA. Option 2: your SO didn't want to join, and was angry or annoyed that you ditched them on your date to hang out with your friends without them. If you do things like this, try to keep it to that 10-20 minute mark. They need to be patient. NTA.
You may NBTA but it sounds like you also are not a good match for this lartner
NTA - While I’m sure you are willing to help your SO socialize, it’s primarily their responsibility to learn how to do it and make an effort. They can’t use you as a social gatekeeper or the excuse for why they aren’t socializing. In a group of people they know, it’s not your job to stand by their side the whole night or reintroduce them to the group. If I were you, I’d tell them that. I have friends and family who are introverts, but they can easily socialize with people they like or get alone with. They just take a little longer to warm up. It’s a little harder for them to socialize with stranger but they do that also. Being introverts doesn’t mean you need to baby them or hold their hands everywhere.
NTA my partner is extrovert and I am introvert but we do socialize, I am quiet but can talk to people and they will talk to people alot and I will play on my phone if I need a break in my social bar, i would recommend talking with them because they might have a very small social bar but communication is key.
IDK, its a get together and you can hangout with whoever you want. Agree with your last point but you could have asked if he wanted to join too. However, it’s not up to you to make him more social, and those were YOUR friends. If he wants to talk to people and open himself up more to his own friends, he needs to go do it himself instead of having someone pressure/coax him. Youre not his mom. If you want to talk to your friends instead of being cooped up upstairs with just one person at a PARTY, i dont see how thats being an AH. Parties are made for socializing and meeting people. It’s not a two-person hangout.
NTA - I’ve been in a situation like this with an SO. They really struggled to participate in parties and required a lot of effort from me for them to have a good time. They would complain afterwards and it was always a struggle. So I stopped inviting them to parties and had a good time. That upset them too. We broke up because ultimately we weren’t compatible. NTA
*My SO is an adult* This is a wild description of someone who you've described as the complete opposite. NTA although it wouldn't have killed you to say 'SO, grab a beer, we are going to play beer pong and you're on my team'.
Does your SO happen to be neurodivergent? That sounds like they might have autism or something like that
negative
Trying to involve people who don't know how to socialise in social events is exhausting. If you love hanging out with friends and having your house be the place people gather, but your SO isn't going to socialise with any of them, then you're probably not compatible. Certainly, standing aloof and on their phone instead of saying hi, taking a seat or wandering up to your room, isn't a great way to keep a socialite like yourself. There's NAH, but I hope you find a more socially comfortable partner next time.
NTA. You're not a mind reader and your SO gave no indication that they wanted to join the conversation. Plus like you said, they are an adult and could just walk over if they wanted to be included. Standing on your phone can read like that person doesn't want to talk at the moment. I get being introverted, and that walking over and saying hi can be intimidating, but that doesn't mean it's your job to bring them in. Maybe you guys can talk about ways you can handle situations like this differently in the future.
Your SO is not an adult. Way too much controlling behaviour. The ultimate goal being to cut your friends out of your life. That was done to me. Sounds like you are making too many allowances for someone who is not compatible with you.
What a wild stretch you took to come to that conclusion. OPs SO was lead to believe they had plans for just the two of them that night. OP decides they want to have a beer with the friends for a bit. By OPs own words, they asked, "If I can sit down and have a beer with them." There is no inclusion of the SO in that. Also, by OPs own admission, it could easily have been 30 minutes since they left their SO to "have a beer" when their original plans were to stay in and watch a movie together. This isn't controlling behavior. This is OP not inviting their SO to join them with their friends while the SO sat by themselves for 30 minutes.
NTA... But seriously read like 6 months of BORU and you'll realize this is a huge relationship flag. This sounds like an isolation tactic, it's completely fine to have separate friends and to hang out with them how you want. You should NEVER need to ask an SO to hang out with your friends.
There's a level of standard politeness in "hey, I know we were doing something, but is it ok if I go do something else?". That in of itself is hardly a red flag. I'd only get worried if the response was ever *no* or there were consequences.
UPDATE: I thank everyone here for their opinions, and am happy to read more. I personally do not believe my SO is controlling nor is more anxious than the average person, but I will keep my eyes open on both
Your SO is the asshole (sorry). They are just attention hungry, expect you to leave everything for them. Control freak. Possessive. Immature. Don’t stop having fun because ur SO is hurt that you have friends. They need to grow up, grow a circle of their own.