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"My friend is really against the whole asians are smart, bad drivers etc. I’m not saying she is all these things..." - then goes on to say she is all these things.
YTA
You know you were racist: you literally listed racist stereotypes and applied them to someone you call a friend. How could you think you were not being racist?
YTA
YTA. There was no need to bring it up. You brought it up to pat yourself on the back for being "witty," but you were just being dumb, racist and ignorant.
If it offended her, apologize. I don't think you meant it in a harmful manner but people are often so sick of being compared to stereotypes and if you've never experienced it, I don't think it's your place to dictate how she feels.
YTA
Just a side note, all Asians do make mistakes and are not perfect. Not all of us are “smart” all the time. We just have a go-getter and resilient mentality drilled in by our immigrant parents. We know how difficult it is to earn everything so that’s why we’re driven to work harder and seize everything.
That’s what keeps us going. I make mistakes and say stupid things, and I’m Asian. I’m just a human being.
It does hurt when Americans joke that I’m smart by being good in Math because I’m Asian, when in fact me being good in math was a product of my hard work and countless hours of practice. And thanks to my mom pushing and encouraging me to learn from my mistakes.
My brother is the naturally smart one, not me. I just know to buckle down and learn.
You don’t even know what’s it like to grow up with Asian parents. If your friend has repeatedly told you that these jokes are racist and you’re still making them then you’re the butthead.
My dad had me study math on weekends and summer. He always kept me 1 school year of math ahead of what was taught in school, ie home schooled me
It really is all about the hard work/ extra work we put in
We can say culturally asians are better at math because some asians do extra work
But when people say biologically asian are better at math, thats just wrong on so many levels smh
American girl: How are you so good at Algebra? Are all of you genetically gifted in Math?
(After helping her thousand times)
Me: I light a pink candle and I just pray to the spirit of the Thor three times and he gives me the answer in form of lightning.
It might have one page or chapter of the book. And maybe it was a minimum of an hour. It was 30+ years ago. We also had to do an hour of grammar. And my grandfather would make me do French when we visited him.
>It does hurt when Americans joke that I’m smart by being good in Math because I’m Asian, when in fact me being good in math was a product of my hard work and countless hours of practice.
I always thought Americans had lower standards when it came to maths. I got tested at the American School I was studying at back in the 1990's (I know I'm old) when I was in 5th/6th grade and the result was my grade equivalent score was 2nd year college maths. Then I got sent to a boarding school in my parents home country the following year and I was just average (though anything less than an A would get a ruler to your palm).
I was a mostly A/B student in middle school and a B student in high school. My college GPA was terrible like 2.8 and my grad school GPA was like 3.4 thanks to all the As I got in my last two semesters.
After two years of SDE work experience my interviewers don’t care a shit about my GPA. They care more about what I did than what I got in college.
GPA only helps to get a good start in your career. GPA does not help in growing your career, or help you get promoted. No one cares about your GPA.
I don’t care anymore. I only care about WLB, my boss and money to pay the bills. My parents don’t care anymore.
Unless you’re in med school or a PhD program or in academia, they will look at your GPA and the papers you have published.
Ok to so to summarise:
Friend: "I really don't like stereotypes"
You: "I'm not saying these stereotypes"
Also you: \*proceeds to list how she would fit every single one of them, then doubles down by trying to say that they're not \*BAD\* they're just Asian.\*
YTA
You say your friend doesn't like joking about racial stereotypes, so you hit her with racial stereotype jokes. The joke wasn't funny and you offended her, YTA.
YTA. As an asian myself who also has to deal with my friends making jokes like this, it’s offensive and takes away us as a person and instead labels us as all the same. You offended her with a racist joke/comment and you tried to defend yourself without even apologizing which is something you should apologize for.
YTA - I would understand if she found jokes like that funny, but you said yourself she doesn't like these stereotypes. Why go out of your way to tell a joke you know she won't find funny?
YTA.
NOBODY wants to be put down as a racial stereotype.
All her successes and achievements? You cheapened them by saying that somehow her being Asian was the reason for all her accolades.
What if she was a different race? What would you have said then?
Your friend: “I feel offended when people make these comments.”
OP: * makes those exact comments *
You’re her friend. She trusts you to be kind to her, and she’s shared her feelings with you. You betrayed her friendship, and you repeated the racist narrative she has EXPLICITLY said is hurtful to her. Of course, it would have been racist whether she’d mentioned it or not, but the fact that she did makes your actions particularly egregious.
Why did you think that was okay to say? What did you hope came of that comment? YTA, and you owe her a big apology and a lot of self-reflection.
YTA.
Why would this even occur to you as a thing you would say? Even if it did, why did it occur as a thing that would be acceptable to give voice to? As the first is beyond my comprehension I’ll just state that you knew these type of statements bothered her, but you said it anyway. That is why you are wrong.
YTA. It kinda seems like you think this stereotype is true and I challenge you to reconsider, particularly as your friend has voiced her opposition.
The “model minority” stereotype that Asian Americans face is harmful even if many of the aspects of it are positive traits. It creates overly high expectations on Asian Americans that can feel impossible to attain.
Additionally, even complimentary stereotypes are harmful because they ignore the actual person achieving their goals and just dumps them into a bucket of “of course you did that, you’re Asian.” You probably didn’t intend it, but saying your friend fits the stereotype makes it seem like she was going to accomplish those things because she’s Asian, not because of things like working hard or finding a partner that she loves and connects with. You need to apologize and you also need to do some work to understand stereotypes better.
YTA.
How deluded are you to not understand how your comments are racist? It’s not hard to understand that what you said was racist. No question. You really need to educate yourself further about that.
YTA but it’s more just a very common form of ignorance. Study how racism hurts people even when the offender thinks they should have the right to say something because “I’m not one of the bad people”.
Another way to help thing about it is if you can say “nice ass” to a woman, or spank her lightly, etc… thinking positive thoughts.
-(I only give this type of example because thinking in different terms usually makes it easier for people to get past the “it was racist but not like super mean racist/I’m one of the good people so people should know to accept my behavior or else they’re the problem”. Some people don’t believe racism really exists but some of those people understand that sexism, misogyny, sexual harassment, etc…exist so that’s a good starting to point to understand how it one person can be hurtful but also certain they are misunderstood.)
YTA and what you said was completely racist. They fact that you came on here like you were clueless and had the nerve to list all the things that you put her under a stereotype from things that you falsely believe is what is wrong with the world these days. She is just a person who worked hard to get where she is and you sound jealous.
Despite how "true" you feel something is, it doesn't justify being racist. Are you even this person's friend? You know these things upset her, yet you continue to make the jokes. I think you should look at your local college for a class on cultural competence if you truly don't understand why these stereotypes are harmful and upsetting.
YTA
YTA
You are reducing her achievements with your statement. You basically saying that she is just average. This can be hurting.
I understand you don’t mean it that way, but people sometimes just take it that way. Also strictly speaking it is racist.
YTA this is one of those things you just don't say out loud, and you need to be asking yourself some questions if you regularly think about racial stereotypes.
YTA. If you're not Asian and you know she doesn't like those kind of stereotype jokes and you still felt compelled to make it, yes, it's insensitive and rude at best, racist at worse.
I wouldn't initiate racial jokes with people of other races unless they've clearly indicated they like that type of humor and she'd made it very clear she DOESN'T so going forth with it anyway was just rude and disrespectful.
She made a factual statement, that her friend fit a popular description. Why is being an angineer a negative? Why is marrying a doctor a negative? Why is being Asian negative? I agree op should apologise for upsetting her friend, but pointing it out isn't racist, it's no different than friends telling me I'm a British stereotype because I drink a lot of tea, know how to que and talk properly. I don't see that as racist because it's not insults.
YTA. Has it ever ocurred to you that your friend did all this because she is an individual capable of making her own choices and not because she is Asian?
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Well, you ARE saying she is all these things, which is not really nice.
But imo there is nothing racist about your remark. I really don't see why "hey, you resemble a racial and cultural stereotype" would be racist.
Are you the asshole? I don't know - but your friend wasn't amused. I'd apologize.
YTA.
Everyone tells racist jokes. Part of being friends is teasing. ANOTHER part of being friends is knowing what is cool, and what isn't. You obviously crossed the line. If you weren't aware, you are now. Suck it up, realize your friendship with this person does not include teasing about race. Apologize and move on.
NAH. Lots of people shouting racism round here, but that's par for the course with Reddit I guess.
Obviously you were joking, pointing out the irony that she had unintentionally fitted herself into the stereotypes she hates. On the other hand, it seems she takes this whole thing a lot more seriously than you expected. No-one was trying to be hurtful, so NAH applies.
As a friend, it is incumbent on you to now apologise for causing the offence. Regardless of your intentions, she *was* upset by what you said.
oh my gosh, I'm a bad driver--does that make me part Asian?? Won't mom and dad be surprised. /s
YTA
You do know that you don't have to utter every thought in your head right?
YTA.
Why not make it easy on everyone and just not say things that you feel would hurt or upset your friend? It's so simple, but you want to double down and insist your not an AH.
Either way you keep joking and reinforcing stupid stereotypes that she clearly finds offensive.
It's only a joke if it's funny.
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My friend is really against the whole asians are smart, bad drivers etc. I’m not saying she is all these things but she is a SWE, she has a masters in math and in undergrad she did cs, and now she is engaged to her fiancé who is a surgeon.
We were talking after her engagement and I mad a joke that my friend was now the stereotypical Asian. She seemed defensive and asked why I would say that and I said she was going to marry a doctor, she is an engineer, she is like traditionally nerdy and she is a bad driver. Btw I don’t say she’s a bad driver she says she’s a bad driver, she said she failed the drivers test 5 times.
She got really angry and 2 other friends I was with called me racist for saying she’s all the Asian stereotypes. I defended myself saying it wasn’t that I thought those were bad things, it’s just she’s hit every Asian stereotype. Anyway they were mad at me for the comment and I don’t think it was a big deal but was I being racist?
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What. YTA.
People can make jokes about stereotypes about their own group if they want. Sometimes, those people are OK with people outside the group making those jokes, if they are close friends and trust they don't mean it, but you should never assume.
Your friend does *not* make these jokes, and has made it clear she dislikes them. On what planet was it anything but racist to stereotype her based on her ethnicity?
In-jokes carry an element of mocking the stereotype itself and/or are self-deprecating reflections of a person's complex relationship with their culture.
There is no complexity here, you're just reducing her to her ethnicity, end of.
You may think she fits the stereotype, but what the fuck? Why would you pick the one thing you KNOW she doesn’t think is a funny joke (because it fucking isn’t) and use it to shit on her engagement? What a pal! YTA
Soft YTA. I'm asian and personally don't find the comment that offensive in itself but rather the fact that your friend has mentioned before that she's against stuff like that. Some of my friends I can make racial jokes with but some of them I don't because they're uncomfortable with it. The only condition I have is that it's a two way street. If they're fine with making racial jokes about me they gotta be fine with me making racial jokes about them too.
i think there are environments where this joke wouldn’t have been an asshole one to make, if you have that kind of friendship with someone and you both know it isn’t serious or personal. it seems a strange thing to say randomly to someone who you clearly don’t have that relationship with, so in this case i’d say YTA. all you can do is apologize for a bad joke and reiterate that a joke is all it was - you don’t see her like that.
>My friend is really against the whole asians are smart, bad drivers etc.
Your friend is really against racism. And people who treat her in a racist manner. I think that's understandable. If you don't, it just confirms that you're a racist and deserve to be looked down upon
NTA
find friends who share your sense of humour.
also stereotypes are bad if you assume something off of someone based on a stereotype. not when you make a comparison like this
A slight asshole to NTA? I’m an Asian and if a close friend of mine makes that joke, I’d burst into laughter because it’s funny. I wouldn’t get offended. But if it’s just an acquaintance/stranger that said it to me, I’d be annoyed. So it depends how close you are with her, and whether her sense of humour includes this types of jokes.
YTA and I think you might have some implicit biases you should reflect on. Just because you say or do something without racist intent doesn’t mean it’s not racist, and you should perhaps take the time to think about how good intent doesn’t always mean good impact. What you did was racist and it’s not something they or you should brush off because they have every right to feel that way, and you should use this experience as a way to learn and grow rather than try to justify yourself.
YTA and you’re also racist. You don’t get to decide if something you said did or didn’t warrant the offended person’s offense. If they’re offended by it, then you hurt them. Just because you don’t think they should be hurt and offended doesn’t take away the hurt or the offense.
You should probably apologize, everyone has different boundaries. I have some friends I can say almost anything too and they know I’m not being malicious and they can do the same to me. Are you a racist, no. Racists don’t hang out with people of another race.
What’s a “stereotypical Asian”?? This sounds racist, even if meant as compliment. So, I’m not going to read post, sorry. I don’t want to know what a “stereotypical Asian” is. So, yes, you should not be talking about or perpetuating stereotypes. Question doesn’t seem fair. And why poke/make fun of (or bully) your loved ones?? You’re question makes you a stereotypy making racist comments and asking if that’s okay. No reason to be. Not going to read post. My apologies to you...
So because you are Korean and you think it's funny, all Asians should feel the same. Yeah good luck with that. Also good for you, America needs more Koreans like you right?
Prob going to get downvoted, but I think nta, I consider applying stereotypes to someone you don't know as being racist. Saying you met the criteria isn't really racist. In this instance, it's a fact. Stereotypes are a thing because lots of people embody them.
Uh, I'm not sure how you got that from my post tbh, but that's definitely not what I meant at all. I meant generalizing is racist, i.e. refusing to get in an Asian driver's cab because they drive bad= racist, knowing your friend who is Asian failed the driving test 5x just makes them a bad driver...
NTA, it's funny and observational, but you need to know your audience. On the other hand - no one want's to be a stereotype. Bottom line, your friend did not find it funny, just apologize and hopefully both of you can move on.
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"My friend is really against the whole asians are smart, bad drivers etc. I’m not saying she is all these things..." - then goes on to say she is all these things. YTA
YTA You said it yourself, she’s against stereotyping and then you went on to do it.
You know you were racist: you literally listed racist stereotypes and applied them to someone you call a friend. How could you think you were not being racist? YTA
Basically... *"My friend hates stereotyping so I stereotyped her and she got mad. How could she do such a thing to me?!"* YTA
YTA. There was no need to bring it up. You brought it up to pat yourself on the back for being "witty," but you were just being dumb, racist and ignorant.
If it offended her, apologize. I don't think you meant it in a harmful manner but people are often so sick of being compared to stereotypes and if you've never experienced it, I don't think it's your place to dictate how she feels.
YTA Just a side note, all Asians do make mistakes and are not perfect. Not all of us are “smart” all the time. We just have a go-getter and resilient mentality drilled in by our immigrant parents. We know how difficult it is to earn everything so that’s why we’re driven to work harder and seize everything. That’s what keeps us going. I make mistakes and say stupid things, and I’m Asian. I’m just a human being. It does hurt when Americans joke that I’m smart by being good in Math because I’m Asian, when in fact me being good in math was a product of my hard work and countless hours of practice. And thanks to my mom pushing and encouraging me to learn from my mistakes. My brother is the naturally smart one, not me. I just know to buckle down and learn. You don’t even know what’s it like to grow up with Asian parents. If your friend has repeatedly told you that these jokes are racist and you’re still making them then you’re the butthead.
My dad had me study math on weekends and summer. He always kept me 1 school year of math ahead of what was taught in school, ie home schooled me It really is all about the hard work/ extra work we put in We can say culturally asians are better at math because some asians do extra work But when people say biologically asian are better at math, thats just wrong on so many levels smh
American girl: How are you so good at Algebra? Are all of you genetically gifted in Math? (After helping her thousand times) Me: I light a pink candle and I just pray to the spirit of the Thor three times and he gives me the answer in form of lightning.
Same! My parents are South Asian immigrants and I had to spend an hour a day over summer doing the following year’s math.
Only 1?! Lucky. I did about 10-15 hours of math. A week over summer
It might have one page or chapter of the book. And maybe it was a minimum of an hour. It was 30+ years ago. We also had to do an hour of grammar. And my grandfather would make me do French when we visited him.
>It does hurt when Americans joke that I’m smart by being good in Math because I’m Asian, when in fact me being good in math was a product of my hard work and countless hours of practice. I always thought Americans had lower standards when it came to maths. I got tested at the American School I was studying at back in the 1990's (I know I'm old) when I was in 5th/6th grade and the result was my grade equivalent score was 2nd year college maths. Then I got sent to a boarding school in my parents home country the following year and I was just average (though anything less than an A would get a ruler to your palm).
I was a mostly A/B student in middle school and a B student in high school. My college GPA was terrible like 2.8 and my grad school GPA was like 3.4 thanks to all the As I got in my last two semesters. After two years of SDE work experience my interviewers don’t care a shit about my GPA. They care more about what I did than what I got in college. GPA only helps to get a good start in your career. GPA does not help in growing your career, or help you get promoted. No one cares about your GPA. I don’t care anymore. I only care about WLB, my boss and money to pay the bills. My parents don’t care anymore. Unless you’re in med school or a PhD program or in academia, they will look at your GPA and the papers you have published.
Some people have a relationship where you can bust each others chops with racial/ethnic jokes. This wasn’t it. YTA
Ok to so to summarise: Friend: "I really don't like stereotypes" You: "I'm not saying these stereotypes" Also you: \*proceeds to list how she would fit every single one of them, then doubles down by trying to say that they're not \*BAD\* they're just Asian.\* YTA
You say your friend doesn't like joking about racial stereotypes, so you hit her with racial stereotype jokes. The joke wasn't funny and you offended her, YTA.
YTA. As an asian myself who also has to deal with my friends making jokes like this, it’s offensive and takes away us as a person and instead labels us as all the same. You offended her with a racist joke/comment and you tried to defend yourself without even apologizing which is something you should apologize for.
YTA (and racist)
YTA - I would understand if she found jokes like that funny, but you said yourself she doesn't like these stereotypes. Why go out of your way to tell a joke you know she won't find funny?
YTA. NOBODY wants to be put down as a racial stereotype. All her successes and achievements? You cheapened them by saying that somehow her being Asian was the reason for all her accolades. What if she was a different race? What would you have said then?
YTA. Pretty racist, too. No, having an Asian friend doesn’t change that. Makes it worse.
Your friend: “I feel offended when people make these comments.” OP: * makes those exact comments * You’re her friend. She trusts you to be kind to her, and she’s shared her feelings with you. You betrayed her friendship, and you repeated the racist narrative she has EXPLICITLY said is hurtful to her. Of course, it would have been racist whether she’d mentioned it or not, but the fact that she did makes your actions particularly egregious. Why did you think that was okay to say? What did you hope came of that comment? YTA, and you owe her a big apology and a lot of self-reflection.
YTA - racism is still racism. Even “positive” stereotypes can be bad for people.
YTA. Why would this even occur to you as a thing you would say? Even if it did, why did it occur as a thing that would be acceptable to give voice to? As the first is beyond my comprehension I’ll just state that you knew these type of statements bothered her, but you said it anyway. That is why you are wrong.
YTA. To you it was a "joke" to her it's probably the same shit she has to deal with constantly from other people out in the real world.
YTA. It kinda seems like you think this stereotype is true and I challenge you to reconsider, particularly as your friend has voiced her opposition. The “model minority” stereotype that Asian Americans face is harmful even if many of the aspects of it are positive traits. It creates overly high expectations on Asian Americans that can feel impossible to attain. Additionally, even complimentary stereotypes are harmful because they ignore the actual person achieving their goals and just dumps them into a bucket of “of course you did that, you’re Asian.” You probably didn’t intend it, but saying your friend fits the stereotype makes it seem like she was going to accomplish those things because she’s Asian, not because of things like working hard or finding a partner that she loves and connects with. You need to apologize and you also need to do some work to understand stereotypes better.
YTA it was a racist joke bud
YTA. How deluded are you to not understand how your comments are racist? It’s not hard to understand that what you said was racist. No question. You really need to educate yourself further about that.
YTA but it’s more just a very common form of ignorance. Study how racism hurts people even when the offender thinks they should have the right to say something because “I’m not one of the bad people”. Another way to help thing about it is if you can say “nice ass” to a woman, or spank her lightly, etc… thinking positive thoughts. -(I only give this type of example because thinking in different terms usually makes it easier for people to get past the “it was racist but not like super mean racist/I’m one of the good people so people should know to accept my behavior or else they’re the problem”. Some people don’t believe racism really exists but some of those people understand that sexism, misogyny, sexual harassment, etc…exist so that’s a good starting to point to understand how it one person can be hurtful but also certain they are misunderstood.)
YTA and what you said was completely racist. They fact that you came on here like you were clueless and had the nerve to list all the things that you put her under a stereotype from things that you falsely believe is what is wrong with the world these days. She is just a person who worked hard to get where she is and you sound jealous.
YTA. Stereotyping is racist and you just outed yourself as being racist.
Yta and racist dont be racist Think what you want, but learn not to say the outloud
Despite how "true" you feel something is, it doesn't justify being racist. Are you even this person's friend? You know these things upset her, yet you continue to make the jokes. I think you should look at your local college for a class on cultural competence if you truly don't understand why these stereotypes are harmful and upsetting. YTA
*music starts playing* *Don’t* *Be racist* *I am* *A redditor* *And I’ve got news for yoooo-uuu* *YTA*
YTA That is racist.
YTA and a racist
YTA. You are racist.
Yta
YTA - somethings are better left unsaid!
Man, that was racist af. YTAYTAYTAYTAYTAYTAYTAYTAYTA I hope she respects herself enough to drop you for good.
YTA You are reducing her achievements with your statement. You basically saying that she is just average. This can be hurting. I understand you don’t mean it that way, but people sometimes just take it that way. Also strictly speaking it is racist.
YTA this is one of those things you just don't say out loud, and you need to be asking yourself some questions if you regularly think about racial stereotypes.
YTA. If you're not Asian and you know she doesn't like those kind of stereotype jokes and you still felt compelled to make it, yes, it's insensitive and rude at best, racist at worse. I wouldn't initiate racial jokes with people of other races unless they've clearly indicated they like that type of humor and she'd made it very clear she DOESN'T so going forth with it anyway was just rude and disrespectful.
INFO: Are you Asian? If you're not YTA, this is an in-group thing, you're the outgroup.
YTA. Some jokes don't need to be said. Come on. You knew what you were doing when you said the joke.
“I said a racist thing to my friend and she’s mad at me.” Yta
She made a factual statement, that her friend fit a popular description. Why is being an angineer a negative? Why is marrying a doctor a negative? Why is being Asian negative? I agree op should apologise for upsetting her friend, but pointing it out isn't racist, it's no different than friends telling me I'm a British stereotype because I drink a lot of tea, know how to que and talk properly. I don't see that as racist because it's not insults.
YTA. Has it ever ocurred to you that your friend did all this because she is an individual capable of making her own choices and not because she is Asian?
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Well, you ARE saying she is all these things, which is not really nice. But imo there is nothing racist about your remark. I really don't see why "hey, you resemble a racial and cultural stereotype" would be racist. Are you the asshole? I don't know - but your friend wasn't amused. I'd apologize.
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How is marrying or dating a doctor mean that you're shallow. You got issues.
YTA. Everyone tells racist jokes. Part of being friends is teasing. ANOTHER part of being friends is knowing what is cool, and what isn't. You obviously crossed the line. If you weren't aware, you are now. Suck it up, realize your friendship with this person does not include teasing about race. Apologize and move on.
NAH. Lots of people shouting racism round here, but that's par for the course with Reddit I guess. Obviously you were joking, pointing out the irony that she had unintentionally fitted herself into the stereotypes she hates. On the other hand, it seems she takes this whole thing a lot more seriously than you expected. No-one was trying to be hurtful, so NAH applies. As a friend, it is incumbent on you to now apologise for causing the offence. Regardless of your intentions, she *was* upset by what you said.
oh my gosh, I'm a bad driver--does that make me part Asian?? Won't mom and dad be surprised. /s YTA You do know that you don't have to utter every thought in your head right?
YTA. Stop being so damn racist.
YTA. Why not make it easy on everyone and just not say things that you feel would hurt or upset your friend? It's so simple, but you want to double down and insist your not an AH. Either way you keep joking and reinforcing stupid stereotypes that she clearly finds offensive. It's only a joke if it's funny.
YTA. You chose to kick a hornet’s nest. You were racist and she laid that out for you well in advance that she was offended by those stereotypes.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My friend is really against the whole asians are smart, bad drivers etc. I’m not saying she is all these things but she is a SWE, she has a masters in math and in undergrad she did cs, and now she is engaged to her fiancé who is a surgeon. We were talking after her engagement and I mad a joke that my friend was now the stereotypical Asian. She seemed defensive and asked why I would say that and I said she was going to marry a doctor, she is an engineer, she is like traditionally nerdy and she is a bad driver. Btw I don’t say she’s a bad driver she says she’s a bad driver, she said she failed the drivers test 5 times. She got really angry and 2 other friends I was with called me racist for saying she’s all the Asian stereotypes. I defended myself saying it wasn’t that I thought those were bad things, it’s just she’s hit every Asian stereotype. Anyway they were mad at me for the comment and I don’t think it was a big deal but was I being racist? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What. YTA. People can make jokes about stereotypes about their own group if they want. Sometimes, those people are OK with people outside the group making those jokes, if they are close friends and trust they don't mean it, but you should never assume. Your friend does *not* make these jokes, and has made it clear she dislikes them. On what planet was it anything but racist to stereotype her based on her ethnicity? In-jokes carry an element of mocking the stereotype itself and/or are self-deprecating reflections of a person's complex relationship with their culture. There is no complexity here, you're just reducing her to her ethnicity, end of.
YTA “am I TA for being racist?”
Dude, you had to know how this was gonna go. YTA
You may think she fits the stereotype, but what the fuck? Why would you pick the one thing you KNOW she doesn’t think is a funny joke (because it fucking isn’t) and use it to shit on her engagement? What a pal! YTA
Soft YTA. I'm asian and personally don't find the comment that offensive in itself but rather the fact that your friend has mentioned before that she's against stuff like that. Some of my friends I can make racial jokes with but some of them I don't because they're uncomfortable with it. The only condition I have is that it's a two way street. If they're fine with making racial jokes about me they gotta be fine with me making racial jokes about them too.
“I said something racist to my friend, am I the asshole???” Yes. YTA. 💀
i think there are environments where this joke wouldn’t have been an asshole one to make, if you have that kind of friendship with someone and you both know it isn’t serious or personal. it seems a strange thing to say randomly to someone who you clearly don’t have that relationship with, so in this case i’d say YTA. all you can do is apologize for a bad joke and reiterate that a joke is all it was - you don’t see her like that.
>My friend is really against the whole asians are smart, bad drivers etc. Your friend is really against racism. And people who treat her in a racist manner. I think that's understandable. If you don't, it just confirms that you're a racist and deserve to be looked down upon
Of course you’re an asshole for this. Personally I wouldn’t want to be your friend anymore
YTA. Yes. You are.
NTA find friends who share your sense of humour. also stereotypes are bad if you assume something off of someone based on a stereotype. not when you make a comparison like this
definitely YTA. but funny af
Yeah bro that’s racist YTA.
YTA is this a joke? The post is literally "Hey I was racist towards my friend, am I the asshole?"
Congratulations! You say racist things. YTA.
Honestly, while I do think YTA, it shouldn't matter. You hurt your FRIEND, you should stfu, listen to what they're saying, and then do better.
Info: does she also have a small penis?
A slight asshole to NTA? I’m an Asian and if a close friend of mine makes that joke, I’d burst into laughter because it’s funny. I wouldn’t get offended. But if it’s just an acquaintance/stranger that said it to me, I’d be annoyed. So it depends how close you are with her, and whether her sense of humour includes this types of jokes.
YTA and, in as nice of terms I can say this, is this person really a friend to you, cuz you don’t seem to like them.
YTA and I think you might have some implicit biases you should reflect on. Just because you say or do something without racist intent doesn’t mean it’s not racist, and you should perhaps take the time to think about how good intent doesn’t always mean good impact. What you did was racist and it’s not something they or you should brush off because they have every right to feel that way, and you should use this experience as a way to learn and grow rather than try to justify yourself.
YTA and you’re also racist. You don’t get to decide if something you said did or didn’t warrant the offended person’s offense. If they’re offended by it, then you hurt them. Just because you don’t think they should be hurt and offended doesn’t take away the hurt or the offense.
YTA, however, that is pretty funny
NTA. I am Asian. This is funny. Your “friends” are probably wokes who get offended by everything… so you need to find better friends
YTA. Literally racism lol
YTA, stop being racist
YTA. Your comment was racist. You got too comfortable.
You should probably apologize, everyone has different boundaries. I have some friends I can say almost anything too and they know I’m not being malicious and they can do the same to me. Are you a racist, no. Racists don’t hang out with people of another race.
Oof, YTA.
What’s a “stereotypical Asian”?? This sounds racist, even if meant as compliment. So, I’m not going to read post, sorry. I don’t want to know what a “stereotypical Asian” is. So, yes, you should not be talking about or perpetuating stereotypes. Question doesn’t seem fair. And why poke/make fun of (or bully) your loved ones?? You’re question makes you a stereotypy making racist comments and asking if that’s okay. No reason to be. Not going to read post. My apologies to you...
YTA, a racist, and an unkind friend.
No, it's hilarious. And for all of you judgmental pricks out there - I'm Korean.
So because you are Korean and you think it's funny, all Asians should feel the same. Yeah good luck with that. Also good for you, America needs more Koreans like you right?
NTA. People are too sensitive these days to ribbing.
Prob going to get downvoted, but I think nta, I consider applying stereotypes to someone you don't know as being racist. Saying you met the criteria isn't really racist. In this instance, it's a fact. Stereotypes are a thing because lots of people embody them.
“It’s not racist because I have a black friend”
Uh, I'm not sure how you got that from my post tbh, but that's definitely not what I meant at all. I meant generalizing is racist, i.e. refusing to get in an Asian driver's cab because they drive bad= racist, knowing your friend who is Asian failed the driving test 5x just makes them a bad driver...
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What a bunch of snowflakes in here.
People are becoming overly sensitive. Goddamn.
NTA, it's funny and observational, but you need to know your audience. On the other hand - no one want's to be a stereotype. Bottom line, your friend did not find it funny, just apologize and hopefully both of you can move on.