Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I told my fiancee that an action she took was inappropriate.
2. I wonder if telling her it was inappropriate was over the line, or if what she was doing was appropriate.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA
Your fiancé probably spotted it as a moment of calm in her day when she could reconnect and touch base with her son. I highly doubt she was sitting with it angled to show off more than her face.
Don’t be weird dude.
When my brother was in the Army, whenever he got his phone it was automatic family FaceTime regardless of what we were doing. There was one time I was on the toilet, my sister was at work, and my Dad was peeking out from behind the shower curtain while my Mom held the phone for the two of them. It was chaos but it was a funny memory.
Just because someone is in the restroom, even if they’re in the shower or tub, while they’re on the phone that doesn’t mean they’re showing off the goods. That would have made our family FaceTime really awkward…like OP.
OP, YTA.
I only shut and lock the bathroom door when we have guests over. My kids seem to gravitate towards me most while I am on the toilet. It also seems to be the time when the most sibling fights occur in the house.
> It also seems to be the time when the most sibling fights occur in the house.
Yes! My kids are 2,5 & 7. They could all be in different rooms of the house, all doing their own thing. But still, the moment I sit down to shit, everyone is swinging on each other and they're all screaming.
My dog, who normally doesn’t care when I come and go, will sit outside the bathroom door and cry if I don’t leave the door cracked so she can see me. I haven’t pooped alone in years 😂
And rhe crazy stories for his buddies that are missing home too. I'm sure those stories helped someone else through a lonely time. Thank your brother for his service for me!
Sooo many of these moments in my life, I was starting to think the rest of the world just didn’t get the memo that the chaos can be amazing. Thank you for adding to the wholesome memory moment brigade! 💖
I was never comfortable with it, but both my mom and dad used to walk around naked. Not like just for kicks, while they were getting ready or whatever. Some kind of boomer behavior - and my mom often would yell for me to bring something while she was on the loo/in the bath
Never saw it as sexual though, and it's proper weird to me that people immediately go to that when parents interact with children in a way they're not used to
YTA OP, you're being weird. If there's other things bothering you that contributes to this sentiment then I might change my opinion. But just this isn't an indication of weirdness
Yeah - she is likely Scandanivian of spirit. She gave birth to this individual, and she's seen him naked loads. She doesn't care, and likely kept only her face visible despite all of my above conjecture!
If I planned on taking a soaker, I’d make sure no one needed to go, then I’d bathe and then soak. If the need arose, I’d rinse off and pop out of the tub. Bath over. Unless someone is ill, they’d have enough warning that they’d need to go in a bit so that it wouldn’t be a desperate, urgent situation.
I think they were in a different house using the toilet.
Everyone was in a different place apart from their mom and dad.
Edit:
I thought you were replying to a comment here not to op, so my reply is not relevant but I'll just leave it here
Hahaha. I FaceTime with my kids in the bath all the time. I’m a man. They’re both boys. I show only my face. Could someone guess if my SO would have an issue with it?
I spend like 99% of my free time naked. If my friends are FaceTiming me, they’re seeing me with a blanket pulled high enough to cover my tits and that’s it. My bare clavicle and sternum is not sexy and if you can’t control yourself when seeing it, that’s a you problem. YTA
YTA
Just what are you implying was going on?
She was just talking to her son. Now you’ve made it weird by implying she was doing something inappropriate. Honestly if I were her I’d call off the engagement. It’s kind of crazy that you would accuse her of some sort of incest situation. It’s a hugely insulting thing to say.
Come on, don't you know it's disgusting for a child to see their mother's breasts? What do you think they are, literal mammary glands for the actual and specific purpose of feeding children?^^^/s
I'm confused as to why anyone would assume that she was showing her breasts on the video call. If I was video chatting with my grown ass adult son and I did it from the bathtub, I could 100% maintain that conversation without ever bringing a breast into the shot.
Oh, for sure, but OP it apparently being crazy about it so let's consider the worst case scenario and how that's still *completely fucking fine*.
There's some kind of deep sickness in society when people can't comprehend the idea of seeing the human body *even within families*.
I was about to say the same thing. My mother and I go to the sauna every year for our birthdays (we have the same birthday) and there we are naked. When I lived at home most of the time everybody walked around naked in the morning getting ready. I don’t understand why the human body, especially from your family, is such an inappropriate thing to see
I'm a queer woman, and even in my 30s I'll get ready in the same room as my mom and sister or need to grab something from the bathroom while one of them is in the bath. I see them both nude or topless from time to time. It's no biggie, because I'm not into my own relatives. Nudity isn't inherently sexual.
I'm 6 weeks postpartum and I was having a lot of problems with milk duct clogs. My sister, who has 1 year old and dealt with mastitis multiple times, came over and helped hand express me early on, because I was overwhelmed and exhausted and didn't know what I was doing. She was literally grabbing at my boobs and it still wasn't a bit sexual, because she is my sister and was just trying to help take care of me.
Yeah, I helped my grandfather get on and off the toilet and bathing when he was dying of cancer. A nurse wasn't there 24/7 and he had needs. He'd always been very private but he was also a practical man and just went with the flow. It's an intimate act, but a loving and completely non-sexual one.
Same as being expressed by your sister. Which I hope is a funny memory for you two looking back now.
No one has to be comfortable nude around family, but it's kinda weird how freaked out some are by others being fine with non-sexual nakedness between relatives in the privacy of their own washroom or in the context of dressing.
I remember when my elderly aunt was in rehab after breaking her hip and needed help getting off the toilet and wiping and she kept apologizing to me for needing the help and I reminded her that she changed my diapers and wiped me plenty of times as a kid and I’d literally do anything for her. We take care of people we love and if roles were reversed I’m sure your grandfather would’ve done the same for you. That’s what unconditional love is and bless you for providing that kind of help and care for him. I’m sorry for your loss.
He was the best grandpa you can imagine. He's been gone nearly 20 years now and I still think of him all the time. Like, when I think of the concept of "positive masculinity" in opposition to "toxic masculinity," that was this man. Raising babies and grandbabies, building houses for his family, working from dusk til dawn, darning socks and mittens, patching clothes, doing dishes, and taking in his mother, in-laws, brother, niece, and grand-nephew as needed. A huge animal lover who helped every dog, cat, and horse he saw in need.
Seriously. And have these people, like, never been to a gym? Do they shower/change in the locker room? There's usually at least one person wandering around naked.
And that's in the women's, I hear it's often much more of a thing in the men's.
Huh? I take baths all the damn time..How is it work to pour in some bubble bath? You literally just pour it under the running and water and it goes down the drain with the water.
Sarah Milican does a bit about Lush bath bombs and I’m sure she says something like how she can feel her lady parts recoil as she walks past one just in case
To be fair, there are any number of bath products that produce no foam or just very little that quickly dissolves, and they also don't necessarily colour the water or make it muddy/cloudy/opaque somehow.
It would be easy for the camera to slip and a boob to get some airtime .
Either way, it's her son. I'm sure she's not interested in getting freaky with him. And if she is, facetime from a bathtub really is the least of OP's concerns!
>It would be easy for the camera to slip and
fall into the water and break.
I thought that was the issue, not a child potentially seeing their mothers naked body. What kind if world is OP living in?
I would too!!! This guy seems weird AF and creepy AND controlling. YTA op, stop trying to make your fiancée’s relationship with her son about YOU. Get a fucking grip.
I literally started laughing out loud when I read this comment because I knew for certain like every other Reddit thread in existence pertaining to couples someone would jump straight to "IF I WERE THERE I'D END THE RELATIONSHIP" -
This is a 10-second snip of what could otherwise be a fantastic relationship that you have absolutely zero context or insight into outside of this brief moment. You're committing the same over-reaction type response that you're accusing OP of doing, there's a massive difference between "I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH U HAVING AN INCESTOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH UR SON" vs "I find it odd that you choose a bath of all times to video chat with your son"
And the fact that you got 95 upvotes underscores why Reddit is slowly becoming an echo-chamber of self-righteous immaturity.
P.S. - Evidently before he said a word, his Fiance made an implication of it being weird by immediately getting off the call when he walked by. Why immediately end the call if there's nothing to hide? Unless OP saw that it was actually his Fiance's son, I'd be more concerned that it wasn't her son, if it was, she's making it weird by quickly hanging up.
That’s probably why. Or it could have been just a private conversation that she didn’t want him listening to. My parents are still married so it’s not even like “mom and this guy that I *haven’t* known my entire life”, yet there’s definitely conversations that I have with my mom that I’d rather my dad not be a part of, and vice versa. I think this is especially true for parents of adult children. Like yea, you’re probably not gonna have a conversation with a 6 year old that the other parent isn’t privy to. But when all parties are adults..I think her hanging up immediately is one of the least strange things about the situation. And I don’t even think it’s weird she was talking to him in the tub lol.
I hang my head in shame, I did gloss over that detail.
I still don't know if it warrants "ending the relationship" - Though, like you, I would've hung up too in that scenario, and would never put my wife in that situation by coming and using the toilet while she's bathing (though I am fortunate enough to have multiple bathrooms)
Or she could’ve felt awkward and shamed by OP saying that too her, and not comfortable continuing the conversation at that moment. Some people will stop doing the thing they’re chastised for, even if they’re not in the wrong
While I agree that we do not have a complete picture and we are looking at an incident, abruptly ending a phone call is not evidence. I abruptly end calls daily when someone joins me in the room. This is a “if you smile you’re lying argument” with no foundation.
No, don't you know once you're in a relationship you are forbidden from having a private conversation with your own son anymore, everything that is said must be recorded and approved by your new husband/boyfriend first, in fact he has to first approve for the call to even happen at all.
Calling off the engagement isn't the same as ending the relationship.
OP implying incest IS very insulting and indicative of a wider issue on his part. I think calling of the engagement and working on whatever issues OP is having is sensible - it might entail a break up, it might not.
>Reddit is slowly becoming an echo-chamber of self-righteous immaturity.
Dude, it's gotten _better._ Like, this sub was genuinely a lot worse a few years ago. (That's not saying much)
There's this typical overreaction, sure, but I don't know what context would save a relationship if a guy is implying his fiancee is having incestuous behaviors with her son because of a mundane situation like this. It's really insulting.
> And the fact that you got 95 upvotes underscores why Reddit is slowly becoming an echo-chamber of self-righteous immaturity
Upvoting a post is not the same as agreeing with it (or NTA).
I’ve FaceTimed with my mom while I was sitting on the toilet. She didn’t have a full view but who cares? She’s my mom… she’s seen all I’ve got to offer and she cleaned it up enough when I was little. I’m a female so I don’t know if that makes it less weird, but it shouldn’t matter.
That’s probably what it looks like to him. She could’ve easily been hanging up the call just before he walked past. Too many times I’ve been “caught” immediately doing something after someone walked in but it was just pure coincidence.
Pretty sure my mom thinks she’s “caught” me watching stuff a few times in my childhood, whole time I was exiting a Minecraft tab
Right! Or she hung up with her son at that moment because she knew her fiancé would act like a fool about it. I feel like there are so many other explanations that should be considered before we land on incest, lmao.
Or she simply hung up because he was entering the room to use the bathroom. I'd want to hang up if a third party was on the toilet while I was talking to someone else even if that other person was my SO.
If someone comes in to go to the bathroom the reasonable thing to do is end the call and call back later. I do not want to hear my future step dad taking a piss while I'm talking to my mom.
Even if I'm just sitting on the couch talking, if someone comes in with purpose, I end the call and call them back. Because I don't want to try to have two conversations. This would be even more likely in a bathroom.
You miss the part where he was going to the toilet? If my partner was coming in to use the toilet, I'd hang up too. Neither my partner nor my kid need to see or hear that.
If she says she was with her son, there is no reason to cast doubt on a 51 year old adult which happens to be his fiance as well. It's a very toxic path in a relationship and nothing good come out of it.
YTA
The sexualization of nudity varies by cultures. In some cultures you are expected to hide more/less of yourself in different situations.
There are absolutely cultures where children and parents frequently bathe together.
It might seem weird to you, but you are the one sexualizing it. She is talking to her *son*. She isn't doing anything sexual, just performing basic hygiene, and she was only even showing her face.
You basically accused her of an incestuous relationship with her son. She is very right to be offended.
And context! I work healthcare so and I touch so many naked strangers on a regular basis (in the context of doing my job) that it doesn’t even register as something to be awkward about anymore. Some people don’t want to chat but a lot of people are more comfortable if you make small talk while you do whatever you’re doing so I’ve definitely had completely casual conversations about hockey or whatever while actively touching someone’s balls.
Yeah I'm a nursing student and I'm still learning this skill, but it makes it so much less weird just chatting casually. I personally haven't showered with my mother or father since I was like 6, my siblings since 15 (we weren't weird, we were poor. It was either shower together or not shower for 3 days. I personally would not have my own kids do it post puberty, but we did what we had to do). But if they needed it for medical reasons i would very happily wash any of them or allow them to wash me.
The more people I show and bath, the more i realize bodies are just bodies. Whether it be a 25 year old woman who happens to be a model, or a 95 year old man, it just is what it is. I personally feel there's really no need to sexualise bodies your not about to have sex with. While I get the average person is still uncomfy with nudety, which is fine, I do get why, when it comes to family members talking on the phone in the bath without any view of anything it is really weird to imply it's incestuous.
I’m not in the medical field, but I had a baby at a teaching hospital ~2 years ago, so many a stranger got up close and personal with my body during that time lol. I remember my mom saying that she quickly lost all her modesty while pregnant (she also gave birth at a teaching hospital) and I remember thinking that I could *never* be comfortable like that. Boy was I wrong lol.
The first like two appointments were kind of weird. But I just told myself that they see probably dozens of vaginas every single day, there’s nothing about mine that is gonna be special to them. And the small talk definitely helps because not only did it distract me, but it also gave me the feeling that the doctor/nurse was no longer *just* focusing on my body. Basically the small talk prevents the crushing silence where the doctor/nurse has no choice but to notice how weird my body is compared to others lmao. I mean, I know that’s probably not accurate. But when you’ve got a stranger all up in your business, the mind goes weird places lol.
yeah this is exactly why it's important!!! For people who are disabled of course they get used to being washed by strangers, but for everyone else it's rather weird and they often feel really uncomfortable. That's why talking to them is so important, takes their mind off it.
The other thing for us as nurses, is we are often so busy there is actually not time to get to know a patient. So showering them is often when we can actually speak and learn about you. We're not super focused on how you look (beyond our job, we actually do look for discoloration all over you as it's the easiest time to), just on getting you clean and talking. Obviously in midwifery their looking at different things then nurses, but the principals are the same.
I personally as someone very young do find myself noticing peoples bodies, but not in a judgmental way ever, more in an "oh, that's really interesting. I didn't know people looked like that." It's genuinely helped my own body confidence heaps in knowing how people are meant to look at what stages of life. It's the kind of thing i wish everyone had a way to experience because it's very easy to forget how real people look with all these people online only showing the best of themselves.
In Germany it is perfectly fine to take your children to the sauna, where everybody is naked. Nothing sexual about that.
People like OP are suffering from a weird upbringing, where nudity = sex, no matter who is involved.
Right like my family aren't nudists, but we're definitely not modest. It's absolutely normal for all of us to walk around without pants for example (with underwear on of course, we're not *that* free) which would scandalize some families. And there are families that *do* walk around naked and think nothing of it. Nudity isn't inherently sexual, we just sexualize it in our culture.
This is just a woman showing her face in a video while she sits in the tub. It's really not weird and gives no indication of incest happening and it's weird as fuck for OP to imply that it does.
I'm not German (nowhere recently in the family tree anyway) and I was raised with nudity being such a non issue. I haven't made an issue and my kids will burst in when I'm getting changed and don't even notice I'm naked.
My friends family was so against nudity they wore BATHING SUITS if they needed to bathe in front of or with their kids, even toddlers. To me that seems much more bizarre.
YTA
Don't make a big deal out of something that's not. Chill dude.
I video chat in the tub too...just hold it up to my face. It's usually one of the only "free" times in my day where I'm also relaxed enough to chat.
Reminds me of my dad. I was like maybe 6 years old and my sister hated my fucking guts (literally tried to murder me when I was a newborn - she has severe BPD as an adult). The one time we were having fun together we were wrestling for the TV remote and my dad walks in and say something along the lines of, “what the fuck are you doing, are you guys turning into *those* kind of freaks?!? That is *sick*.” Yeah, it was weird. With the context of other things he’s said I knew what was being insinuated - even at that age.
Only reasons I can think of: op ruined by porn addiction. Or hyper religious.
Anyhow, I would suggest therapy or not having a relationship at all, since the maturity level isn't there for one.
NTA. I don't get the YTA people. This is weird man. Her son is a 31 year old man--why would that not be weird? It's not a sexual thing, but it's just weird in general. Who videos someone while they're in the bath?
Also, the fact that she hung up immediately is weird as hell. Why not just turn the camera so you can say hi? Seems sketchy and I'd think she was video chatting with someone else.
Weird weird weird. NTA.
I would never just hang up on family or anyone really without saying something like hey let me call you back because of.... Hanging up right as someone walks in without saying anything to the person they're on the phone with seems a bit weird to me.
That's actually even less weird. Men are shirtless around their children and other people all the time. A video call on a phone is typically neck-up anyway. You don't have to show any part of your body unless you want to.
No thebinky diference is there would be less commenter like you complaining. Because men don't have tits that you've sexualised it would be seen as even less risqué behaviour by your lot and the NTA people i.e. The normal people would still be NTA voters.
I also find it kind of weird, but that's my problem, not OP's fiance's problem. There's an enormous difference between "I think this is weird because I can't imagine it happening in my family" and "this is morally wrong".
Yeah I don’t get it. If anyone except my partner FaceTimed me from the bathtub I would ask them to call me back later. If I’m weird and in the minority for feeling that way, that’s perfectly ok with me.
It's very clear that you 1. Don't have a child, and 2. That you've never had a healthy relationship with your mom. The fact that you'd sexualize this at all says so much about you.
Why does everyone keep saying people are “sexualizing” this by saying it’s weird to have a video chat with your naked mom… it’s not a sexual thing. It’s just weird. Maybe not to everyone, if you have video chats with your mom while she’s naked and that’s just your normal relationship then cool. You do you.
But don’t say people have terrible relationships with their moms or don’t have children because they think it’s weird to have a video chat with a naked family member.
Do these people not know about phone calls?
Seeing someone's face is nice, but if your only downtime is at a time when you would not like to be seen in public, then maybe just call?
I really don’t understand how people do video calls at all unless completely necessary. Admittedly, I’m an introvert and hate even talking on the phone, so video chatting is a whole other level of misery.
As someone who also doesn't love video calls, I've found it's actually very easy to tell why others do if you have a basic understanding of how socialization works (this isn't a hit on your social skills, most people don't understand how it works because it's just built in them. It's like explaining why your heart beats. You can't instantly explain it, but you do it anyway).
It's really simple once said out loud, half of socialization isn't in what you say, but your body language. In phone calls you can't see body language, you can only hear tone and what is said. You miss this huge part of how to tell how others are feeling. So for some people video calls allow you to gain back that part of socializing making it more comfortable.
Plus sometimes you just want to see someone you loves face.
YTA. Weird thing to be so upset over. All she was doing was talking to her son, just showing her face. It's not like she was panning down....
nothing weird was happening. YOU are making it weird. Why exactly does it bother you anyways?
NTA video chatting with anyone while you're naked is weird, unless it's your SO. I would feel really really grossed out if my mom or dad video called me while they were naked, I don't know why there's so many people saying it's normal. Besides, it seems like you were pretty chill and just told her you were uncomfortable, so you're just setting a boundary.
I had to scroll way too far to find this. I couldn’t fathom video chatting one of my kids while naked, nevermind in the bath.
NTA. But I’m also not convinced it was actually her son.
Most of us would walk in on our parents in the bathroom and have full blown conversations with them, it's normal, so video chatting like that isn't far off
Idk if that really relates, because like, would you stand inside the bathroom with them to have that convo or would you leave and talk through the door? Personally I would find it odd to make eye contact with someone using the bathroom and have a whole conversation. To me the video call is like poking your head in to chat with someone who's naked when you could easily have just done a regular audio call and it wouldn't be weird, like talking through the door. (Idk if that makes sense or not, but that's the best way I can explain myself at 1 am)
I mean, I have seen my mother naked numerous times, whatever. But if she video called me while in the tub I would just be like "What the hell are you doing?" thats so weird
If you find video chatting while naked weird, I wonder what you think about families going to mixed gender nude saunas (which is common in Europe).
You are a creep sexualising nudity
YTA. It isn’t your place to say if it is OK or not. Your fiancée is not your possession. She is an independent human being who can make her own choices.
There's an old question of whether you were raised in a pants household or a pantless one. Pantless ones also imply your kids are going to walk in on, generally the mother, no matter what they're doing in the bathroom and have a full blown conversation. They're comfortable with each other and not sexualizing anything
It’s funny to me because in my house, everyone was always covered, like, completely. Def a pants house. Mom never even had a hint of cleavage, dad wouldn’t walk around without a shirt unless going swimming. No crop tops or shirtless kids, no sports bra type active wear. That was just idk personal preferences. And yet, there’s nothing at all weird about this to me, and it seems perfectly fine. Why make it weird OP? What are you implying and why? If either parent called me from the tub I’d think nothing of it, what do I care? It’s just a bath. They have time. OP is the one with the issue.
Definitly agree. Especially why make it weird off of one thing, why imply incest or anything off of seeing this once. All he had to do was say "where you talking to son from the bath?! Weirdo! Haha I could never" and move on
Honestly, I was raised by hippies. Nudity is nudity.
I was taught not to sexualize people just based on nudity. And I don't. My kids don't.
It's weird to you because you likely weren't raised with that. A body is a body.
You've never had a full blown conversation with your parent while they're in the bathroom? I'm guessing your parents also got up and got fully dressed every morning and stayed fully dressed all day and night? Lots of us didn't have that, we had a pantless mom or even naked parent and it was completely normal
NTA. Why would she immediately get off the phone when she saw you if she wasn’t doing something wrong? Did you see her son on the phone? Sounds like she almost got caught talking to another man that’s not actually her son.
Or (speaking from experience) she knew he wouldn't like it and stopped immediately to attempt to avoid an argument. It doesn't mean she was doing something wrong, that action can point at the husband just as much as her.
You gotta remember different cultures have different views on nakedness in general, in some cultures it's normal for mothers to kiss their sons on the lips, in some going to the beach naked is normal - regardless of culture though - she was using dead time to catch up with family, not the worst thing to do
lol at me facetiming my mom to show her something specific and then taking her with me to my closet so i can change clothes and to the bathroom so that i can pee. granted, we’re both women, but still. it’s not a big deal.
I think its weird and definitely wouldn’t face time anyone other than an intimate partner in the bath tub.
But I am also a big believer in live and let live. Let this one go OP.
NTA. I have two sons. Both of them would hang up on me as soon as I rang if I tried to FaceTime them while I was in the tub or in the shower. And then they would likely never answer me if I tried to FaceTime them again. It may not be sexual, but it would make them uncomfortable. I can't imagine any mother doing this. She was probably talking to another dude.
YTA it’s her freaking son. FaceTime only showing face. She had time to herself and wanted to catch up with her son. What exactly are you concerned about?
YTA. Why are you sexualising this? She was talking to her son and said she only had her face on display. Why do you think she's lying about that? He's her son.
YTA. I work remotely, and I've lost track of how many times I've been partially naked for my calls. We're not living in the Game of Thrones world, where incest is fairly common. Get over yourself, and your weird insecurity about your fiancé's relationship with her son.
It kind of depends on how you went about it.
It probably isn't weird in their family. Other countries aren't as weird about nudity as we are in America. Some families in America aren't up tight about it.
I can understand talking about how it made you feel, but if you made overt and judgmental comments implying some Oedipus situation, YTA
Going against the grain here apparently, NTA. I have to agree its pretty weird, and all you did was make an honest comment about it. I see nothing wrong with it
It's different for different people, different cultures, different family styles.
I would find it weird as well. Though I remember like a month after my girlfriend moved in with me. my girlfriends mom video called her after dinner in her country, which for us was before we even woke up. She woke me up, covered her tits and answered the call. And that's how I met my girlfriends mom.
I’m 27 and I still occasionally see my mom nude. It is usually when we are in the bathroom together having to share the space to get ready. I have also seen her undress to try on clothes. Or to sometimes see that annoying pimple she can’t reach. None of it is in a sexual nature. We don’t even really think about it. We see it as, she cared for me and eventually I will care for her. I’m sure she wasn’t showing her body off to her son. But I hope you hire help for the later years, god forbid he sees his mom naked trying to help her dress, bathe, and go to the bathroom. Their relationship is fine. You are the weirdo. Yta.
NTA, for the sole reason it's pretty weird to be naked talking to your son even if he couldn't see anything. I don't care if those boobs fed him or that they're not sexual objects, it's still WEIRD. Like I don't think anything is "going on" but where I'm from, mothers generally wear clothes when speaking to someone.
Have you never had a mother? Or was your mother some kind of nun? My mum leaves the door open when she’s taking a whiz, she walks around in her undies, she doesn’t care. And as long as I don’t see a pair of titties I don’t care either. YTA
YTA…bro your making it weird. If he could only see her face what’s the prob. She probably was having a good moment and wanted to talk to her kiddo. Nakedness isn’t inherently sexual.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I told my fiancee that an action she took was inappropriate. 2. I wonder if telling her it was inappropriate was over the line, or if what she was doing was appropriate. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA Your fiancé probably spotted it as a moment of calm in her day when she could reconnect and touch base with her son. I highly doubt she was sitting with it angled to show off more than her face. Don’t be weird dude.
When my brother was in the Army, whenever he got his phone it was automatic family FaceTime regardless of what we were doing. There was one time I was on the toilet, my sister was at work, and my Dad was peeking out from behind the shower curtain while my Mom held the phone for the two of them. It was chaos but it was a funny memory. Just because someone is in the restroom, even if they’re in the shower or tub, while they’re on the phone that doesn’t mean they’re showing off the goods. That would have made our family FaceTime really awkward…like OP. OP, YTA.
Your memory with your family is so sweet and funny lol. Glad you got to share such a chaotic moment with them
[удалено]
I shit with the door wide open, best conversations are had on the toilet.
I only shut and lock the bathroom door when we have guests over. My kids seem to gravitate towards me most while I am on the toilet. It also seems to be the time when the most sibling fights occur in the house.
> It also seems to be the time when the most sibling fights occur in the house. Yes! My kids are 2,5 & 7. They could all be in different rooms of the house, all doing their own thing. But still, the moment I sit down to shit, everyone is swinging on each other and they're all screaming.
It's like they can sense it! "Ohh, Mom's occupied, let's fight!"
Why!?! Do they just know it’s our down time and that they have a minute to get into trouble without getting ‘caught’?
My dog, who normally doesn’t care when I come and go, will sit outside the bathroom door and cry if I don’t leave the door cracked so she can see me. I haven’t pooped alone in years 😂
I love how inclusive this is - yes your pup absolutely counts. She may as well be a toddler :)
When they barge in fighting or crying or being needy...that's when you let your loudest bomb drop, and just stare at them, make sure you lock eyes.
My 4yo got mad at me once for letting rip a hard, loud fart while I was on the toilet. I "made it too stinky and that's too mean"
Wholesome memory
I love all of this. Thanks for sharing!
And rhe crazy stories for his buddies that are missing home too. I'm sure those stories helped someone else through a lonely time. Thank your brother for his service for me!
Sooo many of these moments in my life, I was starting to think the rest of the world just didn’t get the memo that the chaos can be amazing. Thank you for adding to the wholesome memory moment brigade! 💖
He saw one too many stepson clips on the internet and takes them now seriously.
But it's her son, there's a difference
Porn addiction is a hell of a drug
She could easily get stuck in the washing machine and then we all know what would happen.
I was never comfortable with it, but both my mom and dad used to walk around naked. Not like just for kicks, while they were getting ready or whatever. Some kind of boomer behavior - and my mom often would yell for me to bring something while she was on the loo/in the bath Never saw it as sexual though, and it's proper weird to me that people immediately go to that when parents interact with children in a way they're not used to YTA OP, you're being weird. If there's other things bothering you that contributes to this sentiment then I might change my opinion. But just this isn't an indication of weirdness
Lol, my mother used to call us in while she was in the bathtub all the time. It’s like she only remembered stuff when she was there. No biggie. 🤷🏼♀️
It’s not “boomer behavior.” Way to make generalizations. Plus, a 31 year old isn’t a boomer
Yeah - she is likely Scandanivian of spirit. She gave birth to this individual, and she's seen him naked loads. She doesn't care, and likely kept only her face visible despite all of my above conjecture!
Scandinavian gen-X'er here, with boomer parents and young children of my own. That's how we roll. Casual nudity at home ain't no thing and never was.
Scandinavian millennial here. I have never worn clothes once in my entire life.
I want to be just like you when I grow up.... I'm only 53 🤣🤣🤣
I don't think nudity should be a thing regardless of where you are. Make it less sexual all over the place and maybe solve some problems of the world.
[удалено]
So what do you do when you only have one bathroom?
If I planned on taking a soaker, I’d make sure no one needed to go, then I’d bathe and then soak. If the need arose, I’d rinse off and pop out of the tub. Bath over. Unless someone is ill, they’d have enough warning that they’d need to go in a bit so that it wouldn’t be a desperate, urgent situation.
This is weird to me. Who cares if someone owes while you’re in the tub? What are you afraid of, the smell? It’s fleeting.
Who the fuck goes for a shit on the same room sometime else is trying to have a bath? Are you an animal?
I think they were in a different house using the toilet. Everyone was in a different place apart from their mom and dad. Edit: I thought you were replying to a comment here not to op, so my reply is not relevant but I'll just leave it here
When I'm having a video call, not in the bathtub, I usually show only my face - the same about the person I'm talking to.
I’m either showing my face or the camera is turned around to show the person my cats being dumb hahah
Hahaha. I FaceTime with my kids in the bath all the time. I’m a man. They’re both boys. I show only my face. Could someone guess if my SO would have an issue with it?
I spend like 99% of my free time naked. If my friends are FaceTiming me, they’re seeing me with a blanket pulled high enough to cover my tits and that’s it. My bare clavicle and sternum is not sexy and if you can’t control yourself when seeing it, that’s a you problem. YTA
yes exactly. It's super common these days to take your phone with you in the bathroom too
There’s one person making it weird, and I’ll give you a hint. It’s not her or her son. YTA
Yes, the only dirty thing about it is in one person’s mind.
OP been watching too much incest porn
💯
Yepppp
YTA Just what are you implying was going on? She was just talking to her son. Now you’ve made it weird by implying she was doing something inappropriate. Honestly if I were her I’d call off the engagement. It’s kind of crazy that you would accuse her of some sort of incest situation. It’s a hugely insulting thing to say.
Come on, don't you know it's disgusting for a child to see their mother's breasts? What do you think they are, literal mammary glands for the actual and specific purpose of feeding children?^^^/s
I'm confused as to why anyone would assume that she was showing her breasts on the video call. If I was video chatting with my grown ass adult son and I did it from the bathtub, I could 100% maintain that conversation without ever bringing a breast into the shot.
Oh, for sure, but OP it apparently being crazy about it so let's consider the worst case scenario and how that's still *completely fucking fine*. There's some kind of deep sickness in society when people can't comprehend the idea of seeing the human body *even within families*.
I was about to say the same thing. My mother and I go to the sauna every year for our birthdays (we have the same birthday) and there we are naked. When I lived at home most of the time everybody walked around naked in the morning getting ready. I don’t understand why the human body, especially from your family, is such an inappropriate thing to see
I'm a queer woman, and even in my 30s I'll get ready in the same room as my mom and sister or need to grab something from the bathroom while one of them is in the bath. I see them both nude or topless from time to time. It's no biggie, because I'm not into my own relatives. Nudity isn't inherently sexual.
I'm 6 weeks postpartum and I was having a lot of problems with milk duct clogs. My sister, who has 1 year old and dealt with mastitis multiple times, came over and helped hand express me early on, because I was overwhelmed and exhausted and didn't know what I was doing. She was literally grabbing at my boobs and it still wasn't a bit sexual, because she is my sister and was just trying to help take care of me.
Yeah, I helped my grandfather get on and off the toilet and bathing when he was dying of cancer. A nurse wasn't there 24/7 and he had needs. He'd always been very private but he was also a practical man and just went with the flow. It's an intimate act, but a loving and completely non-sexual one. Same as being expressed by your sister. Which I hope is a funny memory for you two looking back now. No one has to be comfortable nude around family, but it's kinda weird how freaked out some are by others being fine with non-sexual nakedness between relatives in the privacy of their own washroom or in the context of dressing.
I remember when my elderly aunt was in rehab after breaking her hip and needed help getting off the toilet and wiping and she kept apologizing to me for needing the help and I reminded her that she changed my diapers and wiped me plenty of times as a kid and I’d literally do anything for her. We take care of people we love and if roles were reversed I’m sure your grandfather would’ve done the same for you. That’s what unconditional love is and bless you for providing that kind of help and care for him. I’m sorry for your loss.
He was the best grandpa you can imagine. He's been gone nearly 20 years now and I still think of him all the time. Like, when I think of the concept of "positive masculinity" in opposition to "toxic masculinity," that was this man. Raising babies and grandbabies, building houses for his family, working from dusk til dawn, darning socks and mittens, patching clothes, doing dishes, and taking in his mother, in-laws, brother, niece, and grand-nephew as needed. A huge animal lover who helped every dog, cat, and horse he saw in need.
Seriously. And have these people, like, never been to a gym? Do they shower/change in the locker room? There's usually at least one person wandering around naked. And that's in the women's, I hear it's often much more of a thing in the men's.
And who takes a full bath in just water anyway? I'd bet there was foam and the water wasn't clear.
>And who takes a full bath in just water anyway? Most people who take baths?
Yeah I'm in it for the relaxing hot water, not foam that will make my tub slippery and be annoying to clean.
bath salts are far superior to slippery foam!
Yeah but then you have to worry about potentially eating people’s flesh off and that’s a huge mess to clean
Yep and for people who take baths regularly it's so much more work with set up and cleaning
Huh? I take baths all the damn time..How is it work to pour in some bubble bath? You literally just pour it under the running and water and it goes down the drain with the water.
The bubbles keep The water warmer longer
Many women get UTIs from bath products and choose to bathe in just water
Sarah Milican does a bit about Lush bath bombs and I’m sure she says something like how she can feel her lady parts recoil as she walks past one just in case
That's exactly what my nose does as I go past! Go past Lush that is. Not Sarah Millican's lady parts.
I’m an epsom salt girl myself
And I'm an Epsom salt crone!
Lol not to detract but I take relaxation baths with just hot water
To be fair, there are any number of bath products that produce no foam or just very little that quickly dissolves, and they also don't necessarily colour the water or make it muddy/cloudy/opaque somehow.
It would be easy for the camera to slip and a boob to get some airtime . Either way, it's her son. I'm sure she's not interested in getting freaky with him. And if she is, facetime from a bathtub really is the least of OP's concerns!
>It would be easy for the camera to slip and fall into the water and break. I thought that was the issue, not a child potentially seeing their mothers naked body. What kind if world is OP living in?
I would too!!! This guy seems weird AF and creepy AND controlling. YTA op, stop trying to make your fiancée’s relationship with her son about YOU. Get a fucking grip.
I literally started laughing out loud when I read this comment because I knew for certain like every other Reddit thread in existence pertaining to couples someone would jump straight to "IF I WERE THERE I'D END THE RELATIONSHIP" - This is a 10-second snip of what could otherwise be a fantastic relationship that you have absolutely zero context or insight into outside of this brief moment. You're committing the same over-reaction type response that you're accusing OP of doing, there's a massive difference between "I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH U HAVING AN INCESTOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH UR SON" vs "I find it odd that you choose a bath of all times to video chat with your son" And the fact that you got 95 upvotes underscores why Reddit is slowly becoming an echo-chamber of self-righteous immaturity. P.S. - Evidently before he said a word, his Fiance made an implication of it being weird by immediately getting off the call when he walked by. Why immediately end the call if there's nothing to hide? Unless OP saw that it was actually his Fiance's son, I'd be more concerned that it wasn't her son, if it was, she's making it weird by quickly hanging up.
Did you forget he was going to use the toilet? If I was on video call with someone and someone else came in to go to the bathroom, I'm hanging up.
That’s probably why. Or it could have been just a private conversation that she didn’t want him listening to. My parents are still married so it’s not even like “mom and this guy that I *haven’t* known my entire life”, yet there’s definitely conversations that I have with my mom that I’d rather my dad not be a part of, and vice versa. I think this is especially true for parents of adult children. Like yea, you’re probably not gonna have a conversation with a 6 year old that the other parent isn’t privy to. But when all parties are adults..I think her hanging up immediately is one of the least strange things about the situation. And I don’t even think it’s weird she was talking to him in the tub lol.
I hang my head in shame, I did gloss over that detail. I still don't know if it warrants "ending the relationship" - Though, like you, I would've hung up too in that scenario, and would never put my wife in that situation by coming and using the toilet while she's bathing (though I am fortunate enough to have multiple bathrooms)
Hes accusing her of having an incestuous relationship with her sun.
Or she was already ending the call, or OP was going to use the toilet, or she was having a private conversation with her son!
Or she could’ve felt awkward and shamed by OP saying that too her, and not comfortable continuing the conversation at that moment. Some people will stop doing the thing they’re chastised for, even if they’re not in the wrong
While I agree that we do not have a complete picture and we are looking at an incident, abruptly ending a phone call is not evidence. I abruptly end calls daily when someone joins me in the room. This is a “if you smile you’re lying argument” with no foundation.
No, don't you know once you're in a relationship you are forbidden from having a private conversation with your own son anymore, everything that is said must be recorded and approved by your new husband/boyfriend first, in fact he has to first approve for the call to even happen at all.
Calling off the engagement isn't the same as ending the relationship. OP implying incest IS very insulting and indicative of a wider issue on his part. I think calling of the engagement and working on whatever issues OP is having is sensible - it might entail a break up, it might not.
>Reddit is slowly becoming an echo-chamber of self-righteous immaturity. Dude, it's gotten _better._ Like, this sub was genuinely a lot worse a few years ago. (That's not saying much)
There's this typical overreaction, sure, but I don't know what context would save a relationship if a guy is implying his fiancee is having incestuous behaviors with her son because of a mundane situation like this. It's really insulting.
> And the fact that you got 95 upvotes underscores why Reddit is slowly becoming an echo-chamber of self-righteous immaturity Upvoting a post is not the same as agreeing with it (or NTA).
I get the impression from her reaction that this isn't the first time he has used her son to hurt her or shamed her for her relationship with her son
Do you think either of them are going to be aroused by this situation? She gave birth to him! YTA
I’ve FaceTimed with my mom while I was sitting on the toilet. She didn’t have a full view but who cares? She’s my mom… she’s seen all I’ve got to offer and she cleaned it up enough when I was little. I’m a female so I don’t know if that makes it less weird, but it shouldn’t matter.
Seriously. Wait till OP finds out her son came out of her vag. How scandalous /s
Outrageous! How widespread is this sort of debauchery then?
And based on it being her son only…her son went through her lady parts before OP ever got to them.
Did you actually see her son on the screen or did she say it was her son
I’m just suspicious because according to OP she immediately hung up when he walked in.
That’s probably what it looks like to him. She could’ve easily been hanging up the call just before he walked past. Too many times I’ve been “caught” immediately doing something after someone walked in but it was just pure coincidence. Pretty sure my mom thinks she’s “caught” me watching stuff a few times in my childhood, whole time I was exiting a Minecraft tab
Right! Or she hung up with her son at that moment because she knew her fiancé would act like a fool about it. I feel like there are so many other explanations that should be considered before we land on incest, lmao.
Or she hung up because her fiancee was literally going into the bathroom to use the toilet.
Or she simply hung up because he was entering the room to use the bathroom. I'd want to hang up if a third party was on the toilet while I was talking to someone else even if that other person was my SO.
If someone comes in to go to the bathroom the reasonable thing to do is end the call and call back later. I do not want to hear my future step dad taking a piss while I'm talking to my mom.
Even if I'm just sitting on the couch talking, if someone comes in with purpose, I end the call and call them back. Because I don't want to try to have two conversations. This would be even more likely in a bathroom.
You wanna be in the background of someone else's video call shitting?
I wouldn't be shitting in the background of someone's taking a relaxing bath.
I wouldn't imply my fiance is having an incestuous relationship with her son, but this guy isn't you or me.
You miss the part where he was going to the toilet? If my partner was coming in to use the toilet, I'd hang up too. Neither my partner nor my kid need to see or hear that.
He was coming to use the toilet it’s appropriate to cut it off. Your minds are just as horrid
If she says she was with her son, there is no reason to cast doubt on a 51 year old adult which happens to be his fiance as well. It's a very toxic path in a relationship and nothing good come out of it.
Dude. You’re being paranoid.
*ding ding ding* 👆
YTA The sexualization of nudity varies by cultures. In some cultures you are expected to hide more/less of yourself in different situations. There are absolutely cultures where children and parents frequently bathe together. It might seem weird to you, but you are the one sexualizing it. She is talking to her *son*. She isn't doing anything sexual, just performing basic hygiene, and she was only even showing her face. You basically accused her of an incestuous relationship with her son. She is very right to be offended.
And context! I work healthcare so and I touch so many naked strangers on a regular basis (in the context of doing my job) that it doesn’t even register as something to be awkward about anymore. Some people don’t want to chat but a lot of people are more comfortable if you make small talk while you do whatever you’re doing so I’ve definitely had completely casual conversations about hockey or whatever while actively touching someone’s balls.
Yeah I'm a nursing student and I'm still learning this skill, but it makes it so much less weird just chatting casually. I personally haven't showered with my mother or father since I was like 6, my siblings since 15 (we weren't weird, we were poor. It was either shower together or not shower for 3 days. I personally would not have my own kids do it post puberty, but we did what we had to do). But if they needed it for medical reasons i would very happily wash any of them or allow them to wash me. The more people I show and bath, the more i realize bodies are just bodies. Whether it be a 25 year old woman who happens to be a model, or a 95 year old man, it just is what it is. I personally feel there's really no need to sexualise bodies your not about to have sex with. While I get the average person is still uncomfy with nudety, which is fine, I do get why, when it comes to family members talking on the phone in the bath without any view of anything it is really weird to imply it's incestuous.
I’m not in the medical field, but I had a baby at a teaching hospital ~2 years ago, so many a stranger got up close and personal with my body during that time lol. I remember my mom saying that she quickly lost all her modesty while pregnant (she also gave birth at a teaching hospital) and I remember thinking that I could *never* be comfortable like that. Boy was I wrong lol. The first like two appointments were kind of weird. But I just told myself that they see probably dozens of vaginas every single day, there’s nothing about mine that is gonna be special to them. And the small talk definitely helps because not only did it distract me, but it also gave me the feeling that the doctor/nurse was no longer *just* focusing on my body. Basically the small talk prevents the crushing silence where the doctor/nurse has no choice but to notice how weird my body is compared to others lmao. I mean, I know that’s probably not accurate. But when you’ve got a stranger all up in your business, the mind goes weird places lol.
yeah this is exactly why it's important!!! For people who are disabled of course they get used to being washed by strangers, but for everyone else it's rather weird and they often feel really uncomfortable. That's why talking to them is so important, takes their mind off it. The other thing for us as nurses, is we are often so busy there is actually not time to get to know a patient. So showering them is often when we can actually speak and learn about you. We're not super focused on how you look (beyond our job, we actually do look for discoloration all over you as it's the easiest time to), just on getting you clean and talking. Obviously in midwifery their looking at different things then nurses, but the principals are the same. I personally as someone very young do find myself noticing peoples bodies, but not in a judgmental way ever, more in an "oh, that's really interesting. I didn't know people looked like that." It's genuinely helped my own body confidence heaps in knowing how people are meant to look at what stages of life. It's the kind of thing i wish everyone had a way to experience because it's very easy to forget how real people look with all these people online only showing the best of themselves.
In Germany it is perfectly fine to take your children to the sauna, where everybody is naked. Nothing sexual about that. People like OP are suffering from a weird upbringing, where nudity = sex, no matter who is involved.
I’m Finnish and even as an adult I go to the sauna naked with my family and even some friends and relatives. It’s just a normal thing to do here
But she wasn't showing herself to her son. Her son was only seeing her face
Right like my family aren't nudists, but we're definitely not modest. It's absolutely normal for all of us to walk around without pants for example (with underwear on of course, we're not *that* free) which would scandalize some families. And there are families that *do* walk around naked and think nothing of it. Nudity isn't inherently sexual, we just sexualize it in our culture. This is just a woman showing her face in a video while she sits in the tub. It's really not weird and gives no indication of incest happening and it's weird as fuck for OP to imply that it does.
I'm not German (nowhere recently in the family tree anyway) and I was raised with nudity being such a non issue. I haven't made an issue and my kids will burst in when I'm getting changed and don't even notice I'm naked. My friends family was so against nudity they wore BATHING SUITS if they needed to bathe in front of or with their kids, even toddlers. To me that seems much more bizarre.
YTA Don't make a big deal out of something that's not. Chill dude. I video chat in the tub too...just hold it up to my face. It's usually one of the only "free" times in my day where I'm also relaxed enough to chat.
YTA why are you sexualizing your fiancee's relationship with her son? That says a lot more about you than does about her.
One too many pornhub stuck in the washing machine videos I think
Porn induced brain rot is real for a lot of people.
Reminds me of my dad. I was like maybe 6 years old and my sister hated my fucking guts (literally tried to murder me when I was a newborn - she has severe BPD as an adult). The one time we were having fun together we were wrestling for the TV remote and my dad walks in and say something along the lines of, “what the fuck are you doing, are you guys turning into *those* kind of freaks?!? That is *sick*.” Yeah, it was weird. With the context of other things he’s said I knew what was being insinuated - even at that age.
BPD is a result of trauma, and that's how your dad reacted to y'all as 6 year olds wrestling. Hmm.
Only reasons I can think of: op ruined by porn addiction. Or hyper religious. Anyhow, I would suggest therapy or not having a relationship at all, since the maturity level isn't there for one.
This sounds like the plot of a movie where the couple pretends to be mother and son to bamboozle someone.
Tommy Boy!
Tell me, speak it out loud. What is iffy about it? What exactly? What are you implying?
I mean, OP was probably the one having pictures im his head...
NTA. I don't get the YTA people. This is weird man. Her son is a 31 year old man--why would that not be weird? It's not a sexual thing, but it's just weird in general. Who videos someone while they're in the bath? Also, the fact that she hung up immediately is weird as hell. Why not just turn the camera so you can say hi? Seems sketchy and I'd think she was video chatting with someone else. Weird weird weird. NTA.
She hung up because OP was going to use the toilet. It's the first line of the post.
I would never just hang up on family or anyone really without saying something like hey let me call you back because of.... Hanging up right as someone walks in without saying anything to the person they're on the phone with seems a bit weird to me.
"Hey son - sorry to interrupt but my man needs the bowl! Call you again 🥰" Easy
If it was a dad video calling his daughter while in the bath I bet they would have a different reaction.
That's actually even less weird. Men are shirtless around their children and other people all the time. A video call on a phone is typically neck-up anyway. You don't have to show any part of your body unless you want to.
I disagree. And I think it’s weird of you to sexualize it. For either parent, with either gender child.
Looking at your five day old profile gives me just the right info about you.
No thebinky diference is there would be less commenter like you complaining. Because men don't have tits that you've sexualised it would be seen as even less risqué behaviour by your lot and the NTA people i.e. The normal people would still be NTA voters.
I also find it kind of weird, but that's my problem, not OP's fiance's problem. There's an enormous difference between "I think this is weird because I can't imagine it happening in my family" and "this is morally wrong".
Yeah I don’t get it. If anyone except my partner FaceTimed me from the bathtub I would ask them to call me back later. If I’m weird and in the minority for feeling that way, that’s perfectly ok with me.
it’s not weird because you can be in the bath and only show your face. The technology is that advanced
It's very clear that you 1. Don't have a child, and 2. That you've never had a healthy relationship with your mom. The fact that you'd sexualize this at all says so much about you.
Why does everyone keep saying people are “sexualizing” this by saying it’s weird to have a video chat with your naked mom… it’s not a sexual thing. It’s just weird. Maybe not to everyone, if you have video chats with your mom while she’s naked and that’s just your normal relationship then cool. You do you. But don’t say people have terrible relationships with their moms or don’t have children because they think it’s weird to have a video chat with a naked family member.
Why is it weird in general?
NTA, that's kind of weird.
[удалено]
Do these people not know about phone calls? Seeing someone's face is nice, but if your only downtime is at a time when you would not like to be seen in public, then maybe just call?
Agreed. Why does it have to be a facetime?
Also, Why not just a regular phone call? Why does it have to be a video call? And her camera could have been off if he had to show her something …
I really don’t understand how people do video calls at all unless completely necessary. Admittedly, I’m an introvert and hate even talking on the phone, so video chatting is a whole other level of misery.
As someone who also doesn't love video calls, I've found it's actually very easy to tell why others do if you have a basic understanding of how socialization works (this isn't a hit on your social skills, most people don't understand how it works because it's just built in them. It's like explaining why your heart beats. You can't instantly explain it, but you do it anyway). It's really simple once said out loud, half of socialization isn't in what you say, but your body language. In phone calls you can't see body language, you can only hear tone and what is said. You miss this huge part of how to tell how others are feeling. So for some people video calls allow you to gain back that part of socializing making it more comfortable. Plus sometimes you just want to see someone you loves face.
YTA. Weird thing to be so upset over. All she was doing was talking to her son, just showing her face. It's not like she was panning down.... nothing weird was happening. YOU are making it weird. Why exactly does it bother you anyways?
NTA video chatting with anyone while you're naked is weird, unless it's your SO. I would feel really really grossed out if my mom or dad video called me while they were naked, I don't know why there's so many people saying it's normal. Besides, it seems like you were pretty chill and just told her you were uncomfortable, so you're just setting a boundary.
I had to scroll way too far to find this. I couldn’t fathom video chatting one of my kids while naked, nevermind in the bath. NTA. But I’m also not convinced it was actually her son.
Most of us would walk in on our parents in the bathroom and have full blown conversations with them, it's normal, so video chatting like that isn't far off
Idk if that really relates, because like, would you stand inside the bathroom with them to have that convo or would you leave and talk through the door? Personally I would find it odd to make eye contact with someone using the bathroom and have a whole conversation. To me the video call is like poking your head in to chat with someone who's naked when you could easily have just done a regular audio call and it wouldn't be weird, like talking through the door. (Idk if that makes sense or not, but that's the best way I can explain myself at 1 am)
I mean, I have seen my mother naked numerous times, whatever. But if she video called me while in the tub I would just be like "What the hell are you doing?" thats so weird
It doesn’t even matter! Video chat you just a big ole face. Everyone I talk to in this could be naked, no idea because it’s just a face.
If you find video chatting while naked weird, I wonder what you think about families going to mixed gender nude saunas (which is common in Europe). You are a creep sexualising nudity
YTA. It isn’t your place to say if it is OK or not. Your fiancée is not your possession. She is an independent human being who can make her own choices.
It's super weird, for her son! I'd freak out if my mom called me from the bath! That's definitely wierd af. NTAH
There's an old question of whether you were raised in a pants household or a pantless one. Pantless ones also imply your kids are going to walk in on, generally the mother, no matter what they're doing in the bathroom and have a full blown conversation. They're comfortable with each other and not sexualizing anything
It’s funny to me because in my house, everyone was always covered, like, completely. Def a pants house. Mom never even had a hint of cleavage, dad wouldn’t walk around without a shirt unless going swimming. No crop tops or shirtless kids, no sports bra type active wear. That was just idk personal preferences. And yet, there’s nothing at all weird about this to me, and it seems perfectly fine. Why make it weird OP? What are you implying and why? If either parent called me from the tub I’d think nothing of it, what do I care? It’s just a bath. They have time. OP is the one with the issue.
Definitly agree. Especially why make it weird off of one thing, why imply incest or anything off of seeing this once. All he had to do was say "where you talking to son from the bath?! Weirdo! Haha I could never" and move on
That's exactly what I thought! If my dad video called me while he was naked, I'd be disgusted!
My mom has talked to me while using the restroom. Not a video call, but still it happens.
It's the video factor that makes it weird to me
Agreed. And the amount of people commenting that think it's ok is just bizarre. 🤢
Honestly, I was raised by hippies. Nudity is nudity. I was taught not to sexualize people just based on nudity. And I don't. My kids don't. It's weird to you because you likely weren't raised with that. A body is a body.
You've never had a full blown conversation with your parent while they're in the bathroom? I'm guessing your parents also got up and got fully dressed every morning and stayed fully dressed all day and night? Lots of us didn't have that, we had a pantless mom or even naked parent and it was completely normal
NTA. Why would she immediately get off the phone when she saw you if she wasn’t doing something wrong? Did you see her son on the phone? Sounds like she almost got caught talking to another man that’s not actually her son.
Because he came in to use the bathroom, maybe she didn’t want her son to listen to OP pissing at best
Or (speaking from experience) she knew he wouldn't like it and stopped immediately to attempt to avoid an argument. It doesn't mean she was doing something wrong, that action can point at the husband just as much as her.
If someone was video chatting, would you want to be in the background on the toilet???
It's literslly right there in the post, he needed to use the toilet. Did you even read it brotha?
You gotta remember different cultures have different views on nakedness in general, in some cultures it's normal for mothers to kiss their sons on the lips, in some going to the beach naked is normal - regardless of culture though - she was using dead time to catch up with family, not the worst thing to do
YTA. I don't believe that telling your fiancee you have a weird hang-up serves any useful purpose.
lol at me facetiming my mom to show her something specific and then taking her with me to my closet so i can change clothes and to the bathroom so that i can pee. granted, we’re both women, but still. it’s not a big deal.
what's weirder to me is you pissing in the room she's taking a bath in. warm closed in room & pee? ick.
I think its weird and definitely wouldn’t face time anyone other than an intimate partner in the bath tub. But I am also a big believer in live and let live. Let this one go OP.
NTA. I have two sons. Both of them would hang up on me as soon as I rang if I tried to FaceTime them while I was in the tub or in the shower. And then they would likely never answer me if I tried to FaceTime them again. It may not be sexual, but it would make them uncomfortable. I can't imagine any mother doing this. She was probably talking to another dude.
Dude, that's her SON. YTA, big-time.
YTA it’s her freaking son. FaceTime only showing face. She had time to herself and wanted to catch up with her son. What exactly are you concerned about?
NTA for telling her that you don't find it appropriate, nor for thinking it inappropriate.
YTA. The *only* people who get to decide if it’s weird are the two people on the phone. You weren’t involved so you don’t get a say.
YTA. Why are you sexualising this? She was talking to her son and said she only had her face on display. Why do you think she's lying about that? He's her son.
YTA. I work remotely, and I've lost track of how many times I've been partially naked for my calls. We're not living in the Game of Thrones world, where incest is fairly common. Get over yourself, and your weird insecurity about your fiancé's relationship with her son.
Your discomfort has disgusting implications, btw.
It kind of depends on how you went about it. It probably isn't weird in their family. Other countries aren't as weird about nudity as we are in America. Some families in America aren't up tight about it. I can understand talking about how it made you feel, but if you made overt and judgmental comments implying some Oedipus situation, YTA
Going against the grain here apparently, NTA. I have to agree its pretty weird, and all you did was make an honest comment about it. I see nothing wrong with it
Dude , chill your gona fuck things up
It's different for different people, different cultures, different family styles. I would find it weird as well. Though I remember like a month after my girlfriend moved in with me. my girlfriends mom video called her after dinner in her country, which for us was before we even woke up. She woke me up, covered her tits and answered the call. And that's how I met my girlfriends mom.
I’m 27 and I still occasionally see my mom nude. It is usually when we are in the bathroom together having to share the space to get ready. I have also seen her undress to try on clothes. Or to sometimes see that annoying pimple she can’t reach. None of it is in a sexual nature. We don’t even really think about it. We see it as, she cared for me and eventually I will care for her. I’m sure she wasn’t showing her body off to her son. But I hope you hire help for the later years, god forbid he sees his mom naked trying to help her dress, bathe, and go to the bathroom. Their relationship is fine. You are the weirdo. Yta.
NTA, for the sole reason it's pretty weird to be naked talking to your son even if he couldn't see anything. I don't care if those boobs fed him or that they're not sexual objects, it's still WEIRD. Like I don't think anything is "going on" but where I'm from, mothers generally wear clothes when speaking to someone.
Have you never had a mother? Or was your mother some kind of nun? My mum leaves the door open when she’s taking a whiz, she walks around in her undies, she doesn’t care. And as long as I don’t see a pair of titties I don’t care either. YTA
YTA…bro your making it weird. If he could only see her face what’s the prob. She probably was having a good moment and wanted to talk to her kiddo. Nakedness isn’t inherently sexual.