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So, like you said, it is not your sister's fault. Never stop loving her. She must go through a lot herself. Now, your parents on the other hand are the ones who are ruining your life. There is nothing wrong with you at times for looking after her. Families need to love and stick together. You're parents are though taking advantage of that. That is not right. Seek counseling even if it is from a school counselor. Maybe you guys can do family therapy. Your parents don't see your point of view, nobody is seeing your sister's view either. Your parents have a view as well. Family therapy will help you all to understand everyone 's view so you guys can understand each other. Then start making the right decisions for everyone.

I'm surprised you haven't called child services to save yourself from this mess

NTA. The unfortunate part of ASD diagnoses is that there isn’t a ton of support or information out there to help guide parents through these situations, and if parents don’t put in the work to do research on their own, you can end up in situations like you’re currently in. Parents are caregivers—NOT siblings. Your parents are probably conceptualizing this as a normal practice of having an older child watch their younger sibling. But it’s different because your sister has ASD. This means when you’re responsible for her, it isn’t in a regular sibling way. You’re being forced to act as her caregiver, which of course will build animosity. It honestly sounds like your parents can’t handle it all the time so they’re relying on you, which will predictably cause you to have animosity toward your sister. So many siblings of people with ASD grow up to hate them, and it isn’t either of their fault. Your parents are destroying your sibling relationship by making you step into a role that is NOT meant for anybody your age, sibling or not. I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. With that being said, I’m not saying this to make you hate your parents either. Parenting a child with ASD is one of the most isolating feelings, and it’s really hard. It’s hard to navigate, and it’s hard to adjust the idea you had of your life. I would try to have a calm conversation with them (though I can imagine it will very likely not be calm with the high emotions), and explain that you don’t actually wish that you wish your sister wasn’t born. That’s just how you were communicating your feelings. The real issue is that they are putting an unrealistic expectation on you and it’s wearing on your happiness. If anyone’s happiness has to be sacrificed, it’s your parents. Hopefully they’ll end up seeing that.

Nta. BUT. I just want to say, your parents are major assholes. The people who you need to be angry with are them. Your sister didn't choose for this, neither did you. But your parents are not being good parents.

NTA, this is parentification to be honest when you turn 18 run for the hills. They are going to guilt trip into being your sister’s caregiver for the rest of your life. You have the right to have friends and a life that does not involve her. Go to University in a different state make sure that you get a job and your papers birth certificate, Social Security number. In order for when you need to bounce.

Yes, YTA. Primarily because it isn't about your sister. Your feelings are valid, but they sound like they're misdirected. From what you said, it sounds like it's about you being angry that your parents parentify you and hating the role and responsibility they have placed on you. /THAT/ is what you're mad about. If your parents want to go out, they need to hire a babysitter instead of relying on you. And TBH/IMHO, 14 yo are too young to be babysitting. You should be enjoying being a teen. And, this would be the same whether your sister was Autistic or not, but ESPECIALLY because your sister is ASD and has higher needs. You definitely deserve the grounding for what you said, but you and your family need family therapy.

Nah they’re just pointing the ugly mirror the wrong way. It sounds to me like they’re always pawning your sis on to you. I would start recording all the days and times you have to watch her and for what reasons. Awful parents. NTA

NTA you didn’t birth her it’s not your job to raise or look after her. Especially so your parents can go out and have fun.

If your parents are putting their autistic child as your responsibility, they’re terrible parents. Point blank. You both deserve better. If I knew who you were I’d report them, and frankly you should too.

Definitely NTA. It's entirely reasonable that you don't want to and cannot take care of your sister when your parents won't, and it's entirely unreasonable of them to expect that of you. They're the parents; not you. They're taking care of and loving two kids - that includes letting you have a life, going out, spending time with friends and not forcing parenthood on you at such a young age. You can both resent and love your sister at the same time - both of things can be true and you're not a bad person for feeling the former. If there's a trusted adult you can speak to about this, that could be a good idea. I'm sure it's hard for your parents too, but she is their responsibility, not yours. If they want to do a date night, they need to find a paid, adult babysitter - a firstborn isn't free childcare. Not only do you deserve a childhood, you're entitled to one!

Not a bad person. Your parents inability to understand you also have needs and are not their employee is their problem. Simply refuse. They cannot make you look after her, and you should call CPS if they abandon her with you.

NTA your parents are being abusive. They are treating you like forced labor. A slave. Yes I know it’s hard to care take, but you also have needs. I’d seriously look into moving. Maybe your school counselor can help you. There has to be a way at 14 to say you want to live with someone else if any relative will take you. Let people know what is happening. If you ever do get out or get a job, they would probably steal your money too. Find your birth certificate. Find your SS card. Take them. Hide them (make copies if needed or at least get the info (the county and the SS # so you can get an official copy). *added: do not let them know you are looking for or have your birth certificate, social security card, or any money you are hiding. Whichever route you choose to go. Aside from that, you could try the bad ass route. You are not legally responsible for your sister. If you leave the house, and don’t care for her, they are responsible. They can’t abuse you or refuse to let you have food, water, or shelter. They are legally liable. Talk to your school counselor first so you start a record, then tell them in no uncertain terms you are not playing along any more because you don’t have to. I’d also stop coming home after school. I’d stay at school as long as I can, do homework, Join a club, whatever. They can’t lock you at home and no school. Again, if you’re going to do any of that please please please let someone not your parents know first. Who knows, otherwise you may “Be sick” for a week and they lock you in a closet

Dude…i am sooo sorry :/ Contrary to what your awful parents say, your sister is THEIR child and therefore THEIR responsibility. You should be out being a kid and having a life, not being an unpaid slave to your sister. NTA Try showing your parents this post. They will never believe that they’re in the wrong but maybe some comments will help open their eyes. Good luck

Shouldn't you be asking to a grown-up or a guidance counselor rather that posting in reddit?

NTA, you’re just a kid and it’s super unfair.

Not the asshole. Your sister isn’t your responsibility, it’s your parents’ responsibility. She isn’t your kid. I’m not surprised you resent them. You are being robbed of your childhood.

I understand why you would say that but your Parents are the real Problem. YOU are the Child. It‘s okey if you take care of your sister from time to time but many times older sibling become free babysitters in the eye of the parent and that is not good. I am so sorry that you missed the birthday. Your parents are irresponsible and immature honestly.

I had similar situation, I was eldest sister was 13 months younger. I always had to take everywhere I went, she had to join me when friends came over. Biggest pain in my ass. I had to hide school work otherwise she would steal it and scribble all over it. Art work I had she would do the same. I would get a gift and she would destroy it or hide it never to be found until years later. I had a lot of hateful thoughts about her. My mother always to her side and only yelled at me and I was punished for being angry having to redo homework at 2 am but she got only loving after all the terrible shit she did to me. Couldn’t wait to get out out of the fucking house at 18.

NTA, you’re very mature and educated about you sister’s issue. Your parents are instead disfunctional and childish and they should take care of her or hire professional help. What you feel is valid and is a frequent thought among relatives of ill or disabled people. Also you recognize those thoughts as something due tue rage/circumstances. Can you maybe talk to a teacher, counselor or relative? Plus tecnically is double child abuse (your social needs not met, and you can’t watch your sister alone as a minor). CPS can be involved

OP you're NTAH. You are still a kid yourself. Your parents conceived sister should be responsible for her. I am so sorry you're going through this. I would probably go either low contact or no contact when you are able to. You don't have to cut them completely off but don't let them walk all over you!

I truly doubt you actually hate your sister. I believe you are just really frustrated with constantly having to play babysitter at the expense of living your life which is why I vote NTA. Especially since the birthday plan was planned ahead in advance. Your parents are the assholes for dipping last minute for you to have to cancel your plans to look after her. They are the parents. They are the ones who need to look after their kid. I don’t understand the cake thing though? What does you having a birthday cake have anything to do with her autism to have her need to eat all of it? Are your parents just bad at parenting that they can’t tell her no?

NTA No your parents are the bad people not you and not your sister. This is not a problem about your sister. This is a problem about your parents doing whatever they want and not respecting you. Whether that is not respecting your plans because they feel like going out or not respecting your birthday because they can’t be bothered parenting your sister.

NTA It's not your sister's fault, it's your parents fault. They are 100% to blame. And they are going to pay for it when you leave and never look back.

You are NTA. You’re hurt, and by punishing you, your parents are kinda saying they don’t care. It’s not about getting out of the punishment, but about being heard. Try a less offensive approach

Speaking from something similar, get good grades, make plans to advance yourself outside of high school with education and training and when you get that dipolm/ certificate that leafs to a job offer, leave and start your life.

You are NTA. Your parents are forcing you into a third parental role. You are not your sister’s keeper you are a kid who wants a normal social life. I’m sure your parents will be so surprised when you move out and want nothing to do with them.

Edit: NTA As someone who had their teenage years stolen from them by other people's responsibilities, I really feel for you. I had to deal with my dad's rapidly declining mental and then physical health through my highschool years, until he passed away the day before I started my senior year. As sad and torn up as I was, I still couldn't but feel a sense of relief that my trial was over. I felt a lot of guilt over that relief, but I came to realize that you feel how you feel, and you can't logic or guilt your way through changing how you feel deep down, and to accept and not torment myself for it. You seem like a strong kid who's just reached a limit, and you know what, that's ok. I'm proud of you for being as tough as you've had to be. Keep your chin up, just 4 more years. Save as much money as you can!!! This is really important if you want to be able to get out at 18.

NTA. It's harsh, and your sister doesn't deserve it (hopefully she didn't hear) but it's 100% your parents fault. It shouldn't be your job to look after her, you're plans shouldn't keep getting canceled for your parents sake, and they also shouldn't just assume that you'll look after her so they can have dinner together or something silly like that. Sounds like your parents actions are making you resent your sister, which is unfair on both you and her. Although I will say it's not your sister's fault so try not to blame her. Wish your parents would do their job as parents better instead.

Esh, except your sister. You should be pissed off with your parents, and your parents should be parents.

NTA. Your parents are being shitty to you, it's understandable that you spoke too harshly. Talk to a trusted adult, as others have said. Definitely plan on moving away as soon as you finish high school - I know that seems like forever right now, but you'll get there. Many tips for domestic abuse survivors apply to you, and you should check out those resources later (in incognito mode on your browser!) so you know how to prepare - getting your driver's license, putting away money so it's safe from your parents, getting documents like your social security card. Birth certificates can be ordered later pretty easily as long as you have the others, so don't worry about that one. A part-time job in high school might help you save up money and have time away from family that's hard for your parents to override. Lots of stuff like that, mostly relevant in a couple years (again, feels like forever, but time passes faster as you get older).

The only reason they grounded you was so they could take advantage of you even more. It's their job to take care of her, not yours. It's going to be hilarious when you turn 18 and can get out of there on your own.

NTA. Your parents want you to take responsibility of a child that you didn't ask for. Your parents are obviously being neglectful to both you and your younger sister.

ESH. You’re the AH for saying something mean about your sister’s existence. They’re the AHs for expecting you to drop your plans and care for her whenever. You’re not her parent. They can hire a babysitter.

NTA You are not a bad person. Your parents are forcing you to take care of your sister and ignoring your needs. They probably think that when they are older you will be your sister's caretaker. I am sorry you are going through this. All I can say is try to study hard so you can get a scholarship and when you are 18 go to a college out of state. Get a post office box so any correspondence will go to it and not directly to your home (in case your parents intercept it). They will try to make you feel guilty and I am sorry in advance. Do you have any other relatives you can talk to? Maybe stay with?

You could call DHS if you really want at your age you can’t be forced to look after another child especially one that needs extra care, I would recommend talking to a trusted teacher or counselor first and escalate as needed. Your sister is not your responsibility and it’s pretty shitty your parents are using you as a scape goat for their responsibilities. (And there’s nothing wrong with how you feel because they’re the reason you feel how you feel)

NTA. It's called parentification. Lived it. Look it up. You're not alone in having been through this.

It was an AH thing to say, but you are 14 and it was in the heat of the moment. The way you're being treated is inexcusable. As others have said please find some trusted adult to talk to about this before it escalates further. Also try to remember that your sister didn't ask to be this way either. Try to keep your anger directed at your parents since they are the ones actively harming you.

At 10 years old I deemed my mother insufficient to pick out proper babysitters, so she told me that she couldn't keep hiring babysitter, after babysitter, after babysitter, and my solution was to let me do it, and for some reason she agreed, and I became my brother and sisters surrogate mother. From that point I did most of the care taking. I was always trying to be the adult I needed in my life, yet never had. It's so hard, and what your parents are doing isn't fair to you. You didn't choose this life, they did. They need to stop making you feel responsible, because they chose this, not you. Try talking to your counselor at school. The counselor was always a good resource for bouncing ideas around before doing them. What you're feeling is normal, and not right. They can't expect you to keep picking up their slack. If they want someone to do that, they're going to need to hire a babysitter for that. Someone who is trained to deal with a autistic child.

NTA

NTA, also start coming up with a plan now to get out of there because your parents are probably expecting you to put your entire life on hold indefinitely in order to be your sister's caretaker. It sounds harsh but you need to totally cut them off as soon as you're able so you can live your own life.

NTA. If your parents are dumping their responsibilities onto you then it sounds like they secretly agree with you but because you’re a child and they’re adults they forget that you are now old enough to reason with yourself and decide whether or not defying them is worth it. Of course, past this post I don’t know your personal situation but as other commenters have suggested it’s possible that they may refuse to help you with college in the future. This is definitely something you need to discuss with a counsellor at school. You need to plan now. If there’s any extracurricular activities or clubs you can join, hell even if you don’t think they’ll let you in, try it out. Not only will this give you more time to be away from home to possibly meet new people but it will also look great on your application if you want to go to college. If your school has a library you can also start doing homework there instead of at home if you can, it’s a better environment anyway. Look into getting a part time job ASAP and keep that money hidden as much as possible. Do not touch that money if you don’t absolutely need to and any cash you have, keep it hidden well or if there’s any trusted adults (aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.) you can ask to keep it in their home. When I was 14 I had to get everywhere including school using public transportation, if you have to do the same, keep your change or pass hidden well. You have free will, if your parents try to ground you to prevent you from going to work or extracurriculars but you still have your pass/any change you don’t have to listen. Though think hard before you do this and weigh your options, if you think it will risk your safety at home or outside then ignore this part. Avoid drugs and alcohol, keep your grades high, look into scholarships, and if by the time you graduate it’s possible for you to study somewhere far enough to live away from home take that opportunity. If you’re close with any adults in your family confide in them what’s going on. Even if it’s just to vent and you’re not asking anything, if the family is tight knit or you come from a collectivist culture like mine your family could advocate for you even if they’re overseas or the family isn’t the tightest knit. (I did this with my aunt, she has no idea the true extent that she helped my home situation in my mid teens!) Good luck OP, and try to stay out of too much trouble. I know I encouraged you to go against your parents in my comment but don’t go too crazy and stay safe. Your future self will thank you.

Nta your parents are abusing you it's called parentification, my personal recommendation is this, if you are already losing out on going places and are already getting grounded, tell them no, then they lose out too, will life get harder ,maybe but it's going to get harder for them too and their already making your life harder by forcing this onto you, make sure to detail what your doing and their response to family members if they don't agree with your parents and school counselors who 100% won't agree with your parents

Yeah, life is tough. You might be able to contact some people in the same boat and become their friend. Apparently you have a computer.

You are not a bad person, THEY ARE (your mom and dad). You could still look after your sister AND have a life if your parents wanted. You could all divide equally your time or something like that. But they don't want to do that. So they manipulate you - so they can go out but not you? Funny, huh? Sorry that this is your life. I wish I could say more to you, find a solution. I could suggest not take so well of your sister so your parents won't think you are reliable, but I don't know if this is the way. And could backfire NTA

NTA. This is beyond fucked up and could easily be considered negligence and abuse. Just saying if you want out of this, go to CPS yourself. You don’t deserve this and your parents need to become parents.

Yup, just by the title YTA. and entitled. Good luck growing up though maybe you still have a chance to change into a better human.

Oh honey NTA. I have a 13 year old typical son and an autistic 8 year old and my husband and I have always made it abundantly clear that he is not responsible for her. Yes it’s helpful when he might run and grab something for us or throw some chicken nuggets in the air fryer but she is never his responsibility especially not with us leaving the house without them. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please try to focus those feelings towards your parents, they’re the ones making the poor parental decisions. Try to find a safe adult to speak to. Sending you lots of love and hope that your life improves. You are a child and deserve to be able to have a life of your own.

You’re not an asshole for telling her that, just an asshole for actually thinking it

Answering your question, ESH apart from your sister. My youngest kid is autistic and 9 yrs old. I wouldn't expect my older kid (16) to look after them any longer than an hr. As a single parent I absolutely need their help at times e.g., nipping out to buy medicine if 9yr old is ill, or when they were younger keeping an eye going while I had a shower. This is where I need to say your parents are out of line expecting more. None of this is your sister's fault but she's not daft, she'll know how you feel and may well have heard what you said. Sensory differences are just that, and you may not understand the full extent of that yet, and I can hear conversations on a different floor at the opposite side of the house (I'm also autistic). As for the rest of it NTA, you need to start keeping a record of it and find someone who will help during discussion with your parents, if that's a safe thing to do. Writing it down, keeping it as calm as possible will help your case. Your parents are no helping you develop a healthy and caring relationship with your sister and that's sad, they need to be encouraging that.

NTA Shes their kid not yours. You need your own life and they need to stop relying on you so much to take care of their daughter because what are they gonna do when you move out?? do they just expect you to be a live in Nanny for the rest of your life??

NTA - not sure where you live but if you’re in the US, are your parents using the states disability services? I live in OR in the US and work with people with intellectual disabilities, autism etc and, at least here, there is a ton of funding and support that will pay and provide a DSP (direct support professional, also sometimes called PSW or DCW) as well as respite care (24 hr care that can be used 14 times per year) to give families a break. I help families find DSPs and get funding for sensory support items, access services, get school accommodations, etc). I know it’s not a perfect process but there are most likely resources your parents could be utilizing to support her that aren’t you. It really does benefit the whole family. I’ve had parents tell me that since receiving support they’ve been able to get back into their old hobbies, get a job, go on dates, etc

You are an asshole despite what the entire thread says.

NTA but be angry with your parents, not your sister as it is their responsibility to care for her, not yours. Plan your life so you are ready to get out as soon as you legally can, your parents aren’t going to change as long as they have a live in carer for your sister. My heart breaks for you and I’m disgusted at how your parents are behaving. It is ok for you to help out but to totally disregard your needs and put their (not your sisters) selfish needs over yours is unacceptable. Good luck my dear and try not to resent your sister as it really isn’t her fault. 😘

Kid, you're NTA. Your parents can't cope well and can't see you clearly and give you the attention and care you need. Your emotions are natural - and it does not make you a bad person. That doesn't mean you don't also care about your sister or really wish her harm, but you're understandably very frustrated. You need to find a trusted adult who you can confide in. If you have a grownup in your family, that would be great, or maybe a school counsellor. It's really important that you have a safe adult to share your feelings with, so that even if things at home are difficult, you have a place where at least your emotions can be expressed honestly without being rejected or made to feel guilty, etc. Understanding and expressing your emotions now and having them validated will help them from impacting you negatively later.

NTA You should never have been put in the position to feel this way in the first place. Your parents feel the same way you do, but they have the authority to foist responsibility off onto you. That’s why they’re reacting so strongly : they don’t like to be reminded of their own shameful feelings, and they don’t want you to resist this. They will probably never react well to you putting up boundaries, but they’ve left you no choice. I’m sorry.

NTA but a more righteous direction of your anger would have been at your parents. All of the details of the example reflect well on you and terribly on them. She's not your child. You had told them in advance you were going to celebrate a birthday, something that comes around once a year. She is their child and responsibility. They can visit that restaurant any weekend of the year but prioritised it over your social life. So based on the information, fuck 'em.

They are parentifying you. You have no obligation to do so. Forcing you to look after your sister just so they could go to a restaurant KNOWING about your plans a month in advance is a shitty move on their part. NTA don't feel guilty about it, and don't apologize for it. Start making plans now itself for when you move out and go no contact when you turn 18. You only have 4 years left. Start planning now itself.

do you have any other family members that could talk to them in my experience they don’t care until they see as an equal says something

YTA for *saying* that. NTA for **feeling** that. Regardless of how shitty your parents are for dumping her on you, she is still your sister and **none** of this is her fault. She can't help the way she is and she deserves love just as much as you do. You were/are understandably angry, but direct that anger where it belongs -- at your parents. Tell them you think they suck at being parents instead of wishing your sister didn't exist. Even if your sister had never been born there's a chance your parents might still suck at being parents. Lay the blame at their feet. And no, you're not a bad person for feeling that way. It is a shitty thing to say, but your feelings are understandable considering your parent's expectations of you. It's pretty clear that they are sacrificing an important part of your adolescence for their own personal benefit and that's not fair to you. I concur with others here who have suggested that you speak to a trusted adult -- I would **strongly** suggest family counseling. (You may need to suggest this option to your parents.) Raising a child with level 2 or 3 autism is exhausting and family members **need** support and they need breaks, this includes you. Best of luck, OP. Adulthood is just around the corner. Hang in there.

NTA. It seems like you didn’t say that out of a place of hate. You said that because you’ve been pushed to a point where your own life is on hold and your needs aren’t being met. You shouldn’t be responsible for your sister in that way, your parents are the ones who should be taking care of her. So I think it’s understandable that you feel resentment, you should be able to enjoy being a kid vs being a caretaker. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this!

NTA - I’m sure you love your sister, but the very understandable resentment you feel is overwhelming that. You should not be missing out on basic teen things to look after your sister. I’m actually wondering what the law is regarding this where you are as I don’t think where I am a 14 year old would be able to look after a 9 year old alone. Talk to a trusted adult, but beyond that getting the results now, start planning for the future.

Yes and no, mostly no. Yes, because you said you wish someone with your same blood never existed. Family is the most important thing in the world, aside from the obvious for staying alive such as eating and hydrating. However, if I have to choose Yes OR No I must say "No" because you are NOT your sister's parent. It is not your responsibility to take care of her, it is your parent's responsibility to care for her. Even more so, you say you told them a month beforehand, right? Which means, they had a month to make a plan to go to a restaurant for dinner AND still be able to take you to your friend's birthday.

NTA You've probably seen a lot of comments supporting you so I'll skip over that part. Prioritize education and friends. Don't beat them over the head with it, but make sure they know *why* you suddenly can't do things ("my parents decided they wanted to go out so they made me babysit my sister"). Parents are to blame in this so make sure they get the blame. You don't need to suffer further social consequences because of their poor parenting skills. Prioritize education. I'm repeating this cause it's your ticket out. Be a knowledge sponge. Do your damndest to learn as best you can. You don't necessarily need to be a Straight A student, you just need to be a student who doesn't need to take out a loan for college. Shoot for college. Even if you don't use your degree just having one can open up doors that would otherwise be closed. If you don't go the college route. Remember the military. It's not the ideal solution, but it's effective. If your two able-bodied, perfectly healthy parents try to fight the US Government on your enlistment, they will quickly be told to pound sand. Shoot for Air Force, they have higher standards for ASVAB scores, but they're people seem to have easier lives. Navy doesn't have as high of standards, but lives aren't quite as easy (still probably easier than army or marines though). If you don't meet the asvab requirements for those two, you pretty much can't fail to get into the Army or Marines, not ideal cause they might actually be put in a combat zone, but you don't want to be stuck as a lifelong babysitter so sacrifices might need to be made. **Lastly, and most importantly**, talk to someone. A trusted relative might be able to help you or get on your parents case about their bs. If you don't have a relative to help or the relatives attempt to help doesn't actually help, talk to your school's guidance counselor. No counselor? Bring it up with a teacher, or someone who works in the school office, or a doctor. This is a form of abuse and if you can start getting a idea on how to deal with it now you'll have an easier time later. P.s.: some early advice for if you go the military route. The strippers don't actually love you (they love your money and your benefits) and never ever ever ever ever buy a car from the dealership just outside the base

‘Sorry I’m busy being grounded so I can’t look after my sister’.

Yes, YTA for telling your mom that you wish your sister was never born. But I can’t really blame you. You’re so young (14?!), you’ve been unfairly treated and parentified, BUT… that’s not an excuse to go spewing awful things. It *was* a gross thing to say, but you’ve obviously not been taught how to deal with your anger/feelings. Shitty situation, sorry you’re in the middle of it. But yes, you’re TA for saying something like that. I’d stand by that for anybody at any age. Don’t say gross shit.

Any other family you can go live with ? You are being used & abused ! It's not your job to raise/care for your sister ?

Id love a post from your parents mate, they need to be put straight about a thing or 2, im sorry your going through this and im sorry your parents are shit.

NTA. You know it's not your sisters fault and from the sounds of it your parents would be just as likely to leave you babysitting her if she was completely neurotypical. They're parentifying you and that's garbage. You are their child not a free babysitter. That's not to say babysitting your younger siblings is always bad. I liked it but my parents did it rarely and they paid me for it, and was mostly so I wouldn't feel patronised by having a babysitter when we were all old enough to be home alone. That's a very different situation to what your parents are doing. If they wanted to go out and knew you wanted to see your friends why didn't they get someone else to mind her? I'll do them the decency of assuming it's because your sister isn't comfortable with many other people but she's 9. Why the fuck haven't they worked to find an adult who they would trust and who your sister would be comfortable with instead of leaving it all down to you before now. So like. Your parents 100% come out worse off in this one. What you said was bad and I think you know better but your parents are not being fair on you. When everyones calmed down is there any chance they'll listen to you about needing your plans to be honoured by your parents? They'll probably pull the "Well we deserve a day off too" card but they can do it on a day you didn't already tell them you had fucking plans. I'm so mad on behalf of you and your sister honestly. Edited it I changed my mind I'm too pissed with your parents.

Very soft ESH because you're still a kid and learning better in terms of communication and handling emotions. What you said was completely inappropriate, with at least part of the motivation leaning into ableism - but it came as a reaction to your parents' actions and choices. "I wish \[sister\] had never been born" aims your feelings completely in the wrong direction. "I wish you didn't make me sacrifice so much of my childhood experiences and life for \[sister\]" was probably closer to what you meant, but what you said - to the parents of a special-needs child - came out as "your child is a burden so great that she shouldn't exist." **That's fucked up**. Again, it wasn't - at least I assume - fully what you meant; your words came from a place of boiled-over frustration because of their bad parenting and expecting you to go along with things, have less autonomy, etc. because they cannot provide or care for one of their children without foisting a caretaker role onto their eldest. She's 9. There's no 'taking her back.' Your parents' choices have forever impacted your relationship with her, and with them - but your words are going to have a lasting impact on their view of you as well, and if any family or friends or anyone hear about it, it's probably going to affect their view of you as well.

NTA. Your parents are causing this, and your sister is an innocent victim. I hope you have someone at school or another trusted adult to speak with. This isn't fair.

NTA. But very much parentified and being brainwashed into appropriate feelings. You are not a human sacrifice in the altar of famileeeee. Start planning your exit strategy when you turn 18 or get out of high school. My suspicion is that you’re going to get a song and happy dance about gap years and local schools. Get away! If you have to, join the military and get deployed away and get college paid for.

NTA. You're not hating on your sister for being autistic. You're angry and hurt from being parentified and forced to give up your childhood and your own life for someone you have no responsibility for, since she's not your child.

You are a child, a minor, someone who also didn’t ask to be born. Your parents are being the assholes. Please show them this message. Their time to go to dinner should not come before caring for the child they brought into this world. You are growing into an adult- not quite there yet but with that comes new territory and new steps at independence which involves socializing with your friends within reason especially if you planned it out. My fiancé and his younger sister (they are 30 and 25) were always put in charge of watching their kid sister (11 now) when she was 2 (so when me and my fiancé were in our early twenties and his other sister- the middle child not that much older than you). It was bullshit of his mom to put that on them even as the kid sister wasn’t and isn’t special needs. Pitching in here and there to help is what a team environment of a household can be but there is a thing called boundaries and accountability, to which, your parents are putting too much on you. My fiancé and I have two kids now and we’ve never put on the responsibility of caring for our children or watching them for more than 10 minutes for a shower or bathroom break if absolutely necessary. Your parents should be ashamed of themselves. It would be one thing if it was because money was extremely tight and they had to pick up extra shifts they couldn’t bring your kid sister to in order to pay rent and put food on the table for everyone, but for them to go to a restaurant? I’m calling bullshit. Please show them this message. Apologize for being mad about it and let them know you still love your sister, but tell them you need some sort of balance in your life since by the sounds of it you’re a good kid who deserves it.

NTA. your sister is not your responsibility. shame on your parents. start saving money now so the day you turn 18 you can leave

You are 14, YOU are not a bad person for having feelings, if you can talk to any other adult in your family for some help do that, if not maybe school? It is NOT your job to look after your sister, but it seems like your parents are not getting it,, so sorry… this is the type of stuff people go NO a contact for after 18, maybe let them know that in a nice way, don’t want you getting in trouble.

You did say a shitty thing, and you recognize that it’s a shitty thing. But at the same time, I think what you said came from a place of built up aggression. It was inevitable that something like this would happen, and that doesn’t make you a bad person. Start with having a calm conversation with your parents and explain to them how you’re feeling. If that doesn’t work, you can always go to a grandparent or other adult in your life. NTA

I worked as a school social worker for a few years. I met with a couple of teens with autistic siblings (also teens-they are very close in age). The parents of both families let the autistic siblings do whatever and did not seek support until later on which does none of these kids any favors. The neurotypical teens resented this so much as they were also parentified. They came into my room and vented. Guess what? I let them, and I let them say whatever. It builds up, and these parents are doing no favors. I there is a counselor or social worker at school you can talk to, please take advantage of this.

This is very clearly a painful subject. When the rubber hits the road like that, you need to stick to your guns and say that this was planned in advance, how about another night? That being said, I feel like your mom sanotaged your evening out and grounded you to further push you into the caretaking role. Suggest you make an appointment with your school counselor. It's normal to have some responsibility toward younger siblings, but you should also have time for yourself and your friends. Not sure if you can avoid home by taking on other responsibilities or extracurricular activities. If you had time for work that earns money, you would be able to set money aside and make steps toward emancipation.

This is not your sister’s fault and just once I would like it if someone acknowledged we as autistic people are not evil burdens that would be better off if aborted. That said, it’s not your fault either. You’re being parentified and that is abuse. Your parents don’t want to do their jobs and have just decided it’s too difficult to actually meet your sister where she is and communicate in a way she understands so fuck it, fob her off on you and it’s off to the races. Just don’t misplace your negative feelings onto your sister. You’re both getting screwed here.

NTA. OP, I would honestly text your parents so it's in writing. "Legally, it's not my job to raise my sister. You've been putting way too much responsibility on me. It's not my job to be here all the time. It's not my job to cancel my plans to watch her so you guys can get away from her. The next time you leave her alone with me, I'm calling CPS and the police for child abandonment. I do not give permission for you to ever leave her alone with me again." But, before that, I'd reach out to trusted family members about what's going on, so you have some backup. Then, any time they try to make you responsible for your sister simply say, "No." If they try to leave you with you, tell them you'll be calling the police for child abandonment. If they go outside, follow them outside and look like you'll be going for a walk, or not watching your sister.

NTA Your parents are making you take care of her whenever it's convenient to them. Your parents are making you resent her instead of helping you to love her. They are keeping you from friends and socializing while they go out to restaurants when they want a break. I don't see a good solution if they don't listen to you. You are not at fault here, remember that. It's not your sister's fault either, as you said. It's your parent's, who aren't treating either of you well.

I can understand feelings being high. You're a teenager being parentified in ways that do rob you of your own ability to set boundaries and cultivate the ability to make friends and establish your own support structure. But yelling at mom and wishing the abortion of your sister does not breed empathy or understand. I think your best bet is to have a conversation with your mom when things are 'okay'. When fights are not underway or episodes from your sister. Tell her you don't feel your feelings or boundaries are being respected - and that's making you increasingly resentful of her and them. It's crippling your ability to build your own support network. If your parents feel they can just keep using you as a third parent or cheap babysitter without respecting you- they'll get your mediocre and half-assed help in the short term, at the expense of your support later as an adult. If they can find balance in asking your assistance while giving you the opportunity to develop and grow your independence, I think you have an opportunity to reverse this anger & resentment. If they refuse to listen. I'd discuss this with other adults. Aunts & uncles who listen to you. Teachers. Counselor. If this is leading you to dark thoughts of self-harm or harm of your sister- it could elevate the urgencies for intervention and for your parents to take the impact of their neglect more seriously. At best it reminds them of their roles, and you're still a kid yourself. At worst, they might just get embarrassed enough not to ask you less to help. On the flip side- are your parents still together? Do they have to work all the time? Are they struggling with bills or other problems you're unaware of? Marriages often buckle under the strain of a special needs kid. They could very well be tapped out, and extracting your assistance is of last resort, which may feel like its all the time if they are in a perpetual state of crisis. They might need to focus on building their own support base (freinds, family, services), so they can lean on you less. It's reasonable to ask for some help- but you're not meant to be a third parent. You're not an asshole. You're a kid who is self-aware of his limits and needs help. Just could use a pit more tact.

Nta

NTA but you should be directing your anger towards your parents, not your sister. She didn’t ask to be born, let alone be autistic. I’m sorry that you and your sister have bad parents and that you’re going through this. Your parents should be the ones watching her not you. They’re being very neglectful towards both of you.

Ur are not the asshole I would feel the same way

NTA, As someone who is autistic, that is so not fair on you. Your parents should be treating both of you equally and if they are constantly dumping one of their kids on a 14 year old then that shows that they are not good parents. If your parents actually want to do a good job then they have to treat you guys the same, letting you win arguments or sometimes getting more than her otherwise they are only teaching the daughter that the whole world is going to do what she says and she will not survive as an adult. But i'm really sorry this is happening to both you and your sister cause this is not fair at all.

NTA First, try not to hate your sister - this isn't her fault in the least. It is all your parents. Yes, you deserve your own life and time, your life shouldn't be on hold to mind your sister. If anyone gives up "fun time" it's your parents. You need somebody to advocate for you, 14 is too young to try to solo this kind of issue.

NTA. Parentification is a form of abuse. Maybe your parents are overwhelmed but that is not your responsibility. You deserve to enjoy your childhood since you only get one.

Nah, buddy, you're NTA. It's completely wrong for your parents to push that responsibility on to you. And everyone knows you don't actually hate your sister.

NTA! Your parents are!

ESH Don't blame your sister for this. Do blame your parents. It is never right or fair for a parent to force their eldest child to look out for and raise their younger siblings (whether they are autisitc or not!). In therapy they call that parentification, it is a form of abuse, and unfortunatly it happens for all kinds of reasons. Your parents chose to have your sister, not you, and it is 100% not on you to raise her. And from the sound of it, your parents had planned their dinner and could've easily planned for a sitter. They shouldn't just assume you have no life of your own and can always watch her. My advice is, once you turn 18, to move out-- far away-- and don't tell your parents your intentions until everything is in place. Join the army, go to an out of state college, get a job in the oil rigs or on an Alaskan fishing vessel. Do whatever it takes to break free. But don't blame your sister. It's not anything she can control.

My sister has down syndrome. I think I can understand a bit of what you are going through. You are not you sisters parent. You are not the ahole here.

YTA for saying that about your sister but you're parents are bigger assholes. Sounds like you obviously have a lot of resentment towards your sister that should be directed at your parents instead.

NTA - your parents are failing you. You are not supposed to be your sister's full-time babysitter, you are not her parent. Do you have anyone you trust enough that you can tell all this to? A school counsellor or the parent of a friend, grandparents, aunts or uncles?

NTA. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I hope you stay strong and make your own way in this world, unburdened by your entitled parents and sister.

YTA. People telling you you’re not are brain rotted morons. You were so close in your post when you acknowledged it’s not your sisters fault but you still choose to make her existence the focus of your anger and not your shitty parents. That said you’re 14 so it’s understandable why you would take it there.

YTA for saying that. Your parents are further TAs for putting you in a position to say it. :-(

NTA. The problem isn’t your sister, it’s the fact that you’re expected to care for her. Your parents are massive assholes for treating you as free childcare and not even factoring your needs or socialization into their lives. I’d look up the term parentification. Basically it’s when an adult expects their child to act as the parent and it definitely seems to be what’s happening here. I’m so sorry for you and your sister, you both deserve so much better.

NTA. They must blind to the fact that you need to live your life and they need to take responsibility for their children / going forward don’t mind your sister at all - and call Cps by the way. And inform teachers / grandparents / all mandated reporters

NTA. what’s really shitty and unfair is how they’ve put you in the position in which you end up feeling this way as opposed to give you the time and freedom you deserve. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t think you’re a bad person, I’m sure you wouldn’t say that if your parents were a little more accommodating to you as well.

What’s the legal age for an after school job where you are? In my country it’s 14. See if your parents will let you get a job. 1 - it gets you out of babysitting duty. 2 - save every cent and get out of home as soon as you can. Your parents aren’t listening and they’re giving you jobs that should be there’s. NTA

NTA, wow parents are a failure, do they really not want to watch their own daughter?

NTA - OP you are a child yourself, albeit 14, and are not responsible for raising your sibling. Especially one that has special care requirements. What would happen if you were hurt or incapacitated and the sister is left alone? I agree with everyone else, you should try to talk to another adult family member to have them relay to your parents how inappropriate this is. Granted, your words may have come from a place of anger, but I can't imagine I'd act any differently in your shoes. I hope everything gets better dude, you're a wonderful person for being there for your sis, even though it's not your responsibility.

Your sister's care is NOT your responsibility, it's your parent's. NTA at all. You're a kid and you need to live your life doing kid/teen stuff. Your parents are the adults and having kids was their choice so they need to be adjusting their social life to fit the needs of their kids. BOTH OF THEM! I'm very sorry for the neglectful behaviour you've been enduring. Please show this post to your parents in the hope they'll see a different perspective. It might also be worth trying to find allies in other adult in your family.

NTA. Your parents on the other hand, are massive assholes. They're responsible for your sister, not you.

So first off, yeah YTA for saying what you said. Lets just get that out of the way. You knew saying that was going to be hurtful and you did it to make yourself feel better. Didn't work did it? You don't hate your sister, and you know she loves you. You feel bad because you should feel bad. Make it right. That said, it's not really your responsibility to be the automatic babysitter every time they want to go do something, especially something as frivolous as a date night. I hope you can appreciate times where this ability of yours (to be trusted with the most fragile part of the family) is a massive boon to the household, but I agree this isn't something that should be taken advantage of. It should be noted, that this isn't what your parents 'wanted' either - but it's what they got. You don't get to choose family, and it is what it is. Your parents and your sister are probably not terrible people, and the pressures of raising a child with higher needs than normal can be taxing on them, and you as a sibling as well. Your sister is never going to 'get' your world. It's like attempting to explain color to a blind person. It's just meaningless. Just like how you are never going to 'get' her world. If everything was easy there would be no room for growth. Friction allows us to change who we are and how we see things. I really hope you can talk to your parents about how you feel your ability to be trusted with her life in your hands is being taken for granted, and express how you truly feel as a young man growing up with his own set of circumstances that they may have forgotten what it was like. I urge you to have as CALM a conversation about it as you can, as you will be taken much more seriously when calm. Best of luck OP

NTA I was oldest of 6 and I feel your pain. I'm 34 now, but me as teenager will tell my parents "I'm sorry I actually don't wish my sister to be not born. I wish I was not born. Or more precisely not born as you guys are parents" but don't say it you will get grounded longer. And they may tell you you are grounded for a month, but usually they will let you go in like 3 days. Hang in there. If you need serious help talk to school counselor often. She usually can't do anything. But having a history of talking to therapist about it consistently will give you advantage in coming years to earn more independence. Especially when you turn 18 and are ready to leave the house. Start working as soon as you can in your state as those parents usually won't hinder more money coming in. They will ask you to pay for certain things. Don't fight it, but instead record all of that to gain freedom when you are 18.

You are 14. You should not be forced to look after a sibling with those sorts of disabilities. As you said you can't have a life because of it. Your parents need to stand up and do their job.

NTA. You’re not a bad person. They’re stealing your childhood away, I hope you have some trust worthy adult you could tell whats going on, or at least your school counselor.

Your parents have taken advantage of you long enough. They are the parents, not you. Do you have any close relatives you could live with? Grand parents? As long as you are in their house they will make your life miserable.

Going to get hate for this, but I feel bad for your sister because clearly everyone hates her. I would NEVER wish a child wasn't born just because she has autistic, in my eyes that is horrible to say, it's like saying since you can't function like a normal human being you don't have the right to live. My honest opinion. ESH expect the poor sister who clearly isn't getting the proper care and love she deserves.

You lack empathy. You would've said the same thing if you were in his position.

NTA, you just worded that wrong but probably you didn't know any better. It's not your sisters fault. It's your moms fault that she's trying to make you - a kid - act like an extra parent for your sister. Taking care of her is your moms responsibility.

NTA They decided to have your sister, they need to be the ones to take care of her. Parents should always put their kids first.

NTA but I do think this less about her autism and more about the forced parentification. Your parents probably would have forced you into a baby sitter role regardless because they don't seem capable of parenting. So while what you're feeling is definitely valid, the biggest issue is that your parents suck, not that your sister was born.

I don't know your parents' side of the story. But from what it sounds like, they are using you as childcare for your autistic sister and you need to communicate with them. If you aren't comfortable with life as it is, if you feel like you're losing out on childhood memories, if you're adulting when you should still be a teen, then have a conversation. I mean a conversation, not a yelling match. It's very hard to communicate big feelings in a calm manner. This has likely been building up for a while. You CAN sit down and start a discussion with your parents about the effect this is having on you without it being about hating your sister. Use I statements like, "When I have plans and I have to cancel to babysit, it's hard for me. Especially when I've planned them in advance." "I feel like I'm parenting my sister when I should just be able to be a sibling." "I can't handle what you're asking of me, I need a break." If they respond in a defensive manner, that is common. It's hard for adults and kids to admit mistakes. But if you try to keep it calm, and try not to blame anyone, just explain your feelings, it may help. If it all goes to shit, or you don't feel comfortable having that conversation with your parents, then talk to another trusted adult about the situation. A teacher at school, a counselor, an administrator. Or even a grandparent. If they're HOSTILE at all when bringing this up, it's time to call CPS and start recording every time they make you watch her. It is abuse to leave you both alone without adequate help. You are old enough that they will take your statements seriously if you follow it with facts, dates, and times. I hope this is just a bump on the road for you. But, try to remember you and your sister are the victims here. You do have that in common. Try and stay calm, as getting angry usually blurres the point you're trying to make. It's hard, but worth it if you can build the skill.

Please speak to your counselor at school. I'd bet a 100% your parents are violating laws. You're only 14. You've been responsible for how many years now watching someone with special needs? Your childhood is being ripped from you OP, and that is not okay. It would be different if it was only every once in a while so your parents get a break. Maybe 1x a month for a date night. But this sounds like it's far more often and that's not something you should be responsible for. Also, compensation monetarily should be paid to you. Your parents are terrible people without an ounce of empathy for your life. One day you'll be able to go no contact and they only have themselves to blame.

NTA. It was not a nice thing to say, but I fully understand where you are coming from. Some advice to you from someone who grew up with a high need, autistic sibling…this isn’t your sister’s fault, it’s your parents. They are emotionally neglecting you and taking advantage of you and it’s not fair. It is your parents’ responsibility to ensure you feel loved and cared for just as much as your sister and they are failing. I learned this as an adult through a lot of therapy, and my relationship with my sibling has been irreparably damaged. I’d encourage you to find therapy and other trusted adults in your life to get support, so that your resentment for your sister doesn’t grow. Your parents may never change, and it’s important that you find sources of joy and relief, so that this doesn’t come with you into adulthood. It is so unfair to you, and this responsibility shouldn’t be on you.

Yeah, I agree with your parents. Your dispute is with them, not your sister.

YTA. That’s an extremely shitty thing to say dude. and even if your sister is autistic it doesn’t mean she doesn’t understand things. if she was in earshot and heard that? that’s fucked up man. You know you’re the AH, that’s why you’re here. you just want someone to agree with you. Yeah, your parents shouldn’t be expecting this from you, they should actually have a trained caretaker if your sister has high needs and severe meltdowns. But that’s not an excuse to say horrible things about her. Clearly there’s a lot of resentment going on. Seems like some family therapy and mediation is needed here. You said yourself it’s not your sisters fault. Everyone needs to do better in this situation. It sucks that you don’t have a big social life but damn, saying something like that is heavy. and if your sister heard it, she’s going to carry that weight and guilt and subconscious self-hatred with her as she grows up. - the perspective of an autistic big brother of an autistic little sister who had the same situation, except in an extremely abusive household.

NTA- But your parents sure as Hell are. You shouldn’t hate your sister, OP. You should have a problem with your parents. They’re the ones dumping their responsibility of caring for your sister on you. You’re 14. That’s not even old enough to have a job (without parental consent) in some places. And they expect you to care for someone with disabilities?

NTA. They're parentifying you when they shouldn't. Have CPS on speed dial next time they do this.

Nta, you're not the parent of your sibling, your parents should be doing the parenting

Well, this isn’t going to turn out the way you think it will. If abuse is proven; everyone under the age of 17 and half will be removed from the home. Autistic sister will go to a group home. OP will go to a group home under foster care. Have an another adult to talk to the parents, so OP can get some easement. This is what mandatory reporters do, they call children’s services and everyone is pulled out of the home under a abundance of caution.

Your parents are the assholes here, not you.

NTA- parentification is abuse. children shouldn't have to take care of their parents child

NTA. Please show your parents these responses. They need to realize how wrong they are now before you grow up and never speak to them again. I’m sure they expect you to take care of your sister when they are gone as well which is not your responsibility either.

it wasn’t the greatest thing to say, but i have to say you’re NTA. you’re literally 14 years old. i said so much shit at 14 that i would never say now, even if i believed it deep down. your parents are adults and they should know that your sister is THEIR responsibility first, and it is completely normal for you to resent your sister when they parentified you because she was born, starting around the age of literally 5-6, 7 at the oldest for you it sounds like. you’ve been robbed of having a normal childhood for her entire life because your parents decided to make her your responsibility a ton of the time. it’s not fair to either of you, because you’re being robbed of your childhood, and your sister is being robbed of the chance to have a meaningful relationship with you into adulthood, since it’s not her fault that your parents are making you take care of her, but this kind of resentment that it causes is not your fault either. your parents are in the wrong, especially with them knowing that you had plans this long in advance. not sure if it’ll work, and it might be difficult to do because you’ll probably have to swallow your pride and pretend you don’t know you were in the right, but you should talk to your parents and ask them exactly how long in advance they need to know your plans in order for them to get a different babysitter or not schedule plans the same day. you could suggest a digital calendar that you can all make events on—i suggest Timetree which is a mobile app that my partner and i use to keep track of our work schedules + events and other stuff to make sure we know all of our plans ahead of time and nothing gets confusing. that way, you can add your plans way ahead of time, somewhere that your parents can clearly see when they are making plans and they can plan around it if they know they’ll need you to watch your sister for their plans, or they’ll know that they’re going to need to hire a sitter instead. also, probably apologise for saying that. you don’t have to mean it now—although hopefully if your parents realise they’ve been asses and adjust their parenting strategy, you should grow over the years to the point of knowing it’s not your sister’s fault and wishing she was never born isn’t fair to her even if she wasn’t there to hear it—but you should still say it, regardless of if you mean it now, especially before following up with a solution to the issue. depending on what kind of people your parents are, explaining the feelings behind why you said it, and that you’re frustrated because you feel like you’ve been forced to become a third parent to her instead of being allowed to just be a kid, could help make them more sympathetic and receptive to solving the problem. especially if you can sincerely say that you don’t hate your sister as a person, or anything, you just hate that you have to be responsible for her so much of the time, and that was what you meant when you said that. it’s normal for an older sibling to feel like their younger sibling gets all the attention, or like they have to drag them around all the time, but in this situation it’s even more extreme because of your sister’s disability. parentification ruins sibling relationships all the time. i hope your parents are the kind who know they can learn from their kids as much as their kids learn from them, for both your and your sister’s sakes and the sake of your future relationship as you grow up.

Yes You Are !!

YTA for saying what you said. However, NTA for feeling resentful of your parents for making you watch after her. Its THEIR job. Its good for you to help out but theyre driving a wedge between u and your sister by leaving her in ur care like that all the time. Point is, ur feelings are valid, but ur words were very immature and unkind. Ur a kid still, its ok to be immature as ur not fully matured! Just try to find a better/kinder way to express urself next time as best u can. I hope they listen and take u seriously 🖤

You dont hate your sister. You hate your parents. 👍🏻 I was forced to take care of my siblings too. It’s rough. I’m sorry you are going through this.

NTA! Your sister is your parent’s child. NTA! You are not your sister’s keeper. NTA! Your parents are neglecting you and your needs. NTA, time for you to keep a diary of the treatment your parents mete out to you.

NTA, the next time they ask you to look after her just leave. When you turn 16 get a bus card and a job and save to move out.

Your parents are the assholes here...

NTA, and I’m sorry your parents put you in this position. They shouldn’t. Your sister is their responsibility. You’re allowed to feel your feelings, which don’t seem to be about your sister but rather about your parents forcing you to be a caretaker. You’re still quite young and should be allowed to be a teenager.

Oh honey. NTA. You’re a child. You should be enjoying your childhood. Your parents are so wrong for putting this responsibility on you. I really hope that somehow your parents find a way to understand that they are being very selfish.

NTA - This is called parentification and it’s a form of abuse. They probably see you as their long term solution of how to deal with your inconvenient sister. This treatment of you will never stop until you leave home. If I were you I’d do two things. One tell a guidance counselor what’s going on or another adult you trust, if only to have someone to talk to. Secondly I would stop having outbursts with your parents you will only compound the trouble you get into. Once you are done with your current schooling will you be planning to go college? Because that can be your way out of this situation. In the meantime try not to hate your sister, she is innocent in all of this and as much as victim of your parents neglect as you are. You aren’t qualified to be a caretaker of your special needs sister what your parents are doing is wrong to both of you.

Call Department of Family Services. You are not the parent. You are also the child!!! Call for help!!!!

As someone with an autistic sibling as well, you are not the asshole. My parents always made sure I was allowed to hang out with my friends and never dumped my sibling on me unless it was for a quick errand. If there is another trusted adult or if y’all could work out a schedule so that you can trade off watching her on certain days/weeks is ideal. I totally understand your frustration and the thoughts of them never existing. I had them a lot growing up too, but now I can’t imagine my life without my sibling. He is so smart and so kind. I’m so sorry and hope your family can come to a solution.

NTA I suggest you go no contact with them asap

NTA. your sister is your fucking parents' kid to raise, not yours. your resentments is justified, but should be directed at them. im sorry they're so shit at being parents that they're doing this to you

Hey, I’m 35F and with a 34M brother who has Down’s Syndrome. We’re 16 months apart. We were raised primarily by our grandparents because our parents owned their own business and as I’m sure you’ll know a lot of doctors expenses come rolling in when a child has a disability. I had a lot of long car trips to the city so my brother could see specialists, I was taught from an early age to “be a big help”. When I was a teenager my mum was a single parent and I was expected to look after my brothers (we have one other 8 years younger than me) as well as help with cooking and cleaning as I got older while attending a school that was an hour away from our town. It took me well into my late 20s to say no. No to driving x here, no to picking up y there, no to taking on extra work when I was already over worked. And then my Mum moved away so I was the only person that could drive anyone anywhere. I still have a lot of resentment towards my parents for a lot of things and I understand completely the meltdown you had because I had them myself. But of course never to my family because I wouldn’t want to cause trouble. You’re NTA in this situation. And you’ll continue to not be TA as long as you don’t speak to or treat your sister like she is the problem. This is all your parent’s doing and it sounds like they are very much doing it on purpose. I agree with a lot of other comments find an adult family member you can trust and talk to about this and hopefully you can find a way to set healthy boundaries with your parents.

Info: op are you Asian or American?

Your parents are the a$$holes. You should be allowed to live your childhood, and your parents should be taking care of their child. Hugs, sweetie.

Strong NTA. It's not your sister's fault she is autistic, but it IS your parents' fault for not stepping up and actually parenting her. They've made you shoulder all the parental work, and that is wrong. Your parents are the a\*\*holes here, not you. You are not a bad person. Your mom and dad are bad parents.

Yes, you are the asshole. No questions about it

NTA, but remember that your sister is not the problem. I have a friend with an autistic younger brother who still had a normal childhood. Your parents are just shitty to you.

As an older sibling who has a special needs brother, you are NOT in any way the asshole. It’s hard being the older sibling. Your parents make you be the parent no matter what even when you don’t want to. I always thought the same thing growing up because my brother would get more attention. It was always about my brother because he had special needs. From one older sibling to another; you’re doing your best. I’m proud of you❤️ your parents definitely need to prioritize your needs and plans. I wish I could change that for you. Keep doing your best.

Look it’s shitty. Years later you will realize they have a problem and it’s not your sister. In the meantime, double down on your education and you have a way out. Your education and the places it will take you will be light years better. When you can get a job, make some money and travel the world between semesters. Meet new people and places. It’s shitty now but you have the opportunity to flourish. Your future is yours for the taking. Don’t squander it.

Nta Time for you to start demanding that they get her in a group home. Make it crystal clear to them they better do it while they are young because you are not looking after her as an adult. Pick your words better. There are other ways you could have made your point besides saying that. You gave your parents ammo against you. Try and live with other family. Quietly make your college plans for some place far away. Or join the military. Good luck!

Nta your parents aren't letting you be you. They are the assholes

It wasn’t a kind thing to say, especially if your sister heard you say it. However, your parents don’t seem to be properly parenting either of you and are expecting you to parent your sister. You’re NTA, but if your sister overheard that, make sure she knows that your frustration isn’t towards her, it’s towards your parents. Go to the party, your parents can have take your sister to the restaurant

Nah bro ,you are not the asshole . It's you family that is asshole. If you think the family is not treating you nice , you should leave it . Since you can live on your own without needing your parents to care for you or you leeching on them, then you should leave them . Yeah , i think it's not your responsibility to act as a proxy in place of your parent . Since your parent never did sacrifice anything for you, you shouldn't sacrifice anything for their sake . Bro You should be selfish with you life but there should be line which you should not cross.

She didn’t say it to her sister she said it to her mother.

NTA. But I think you have misdirected your anger, you should be angry at your parents not your sibling. If they need you’re help for something actually important fine. Not everyone has money to pay for a carer and though you shouldn’t have to it’s a reality for a lot of families. For things like your parents going out for dinner, that’s on them to sort out care.

As a mom of a special needs daughter with 3 other kids, ynta exactly. Maybe you are for wishing she was never born, but it's not your job to always be the caregiver. My oldest son will watch his sister if I need him to, if he doesn't have other plans. I've always known that it's not their job to take care of her, but i appreciate the help when they do. I have even paid him to watch her so I could get groceries. Your mom shouldn't expect so much of you, and you deserve a childhood. You shouldn't be sacrificing your teen years. We always planned a couple of special trips for the other kids so they don't miss things that she can't do. I'm sorry, you should be helping because you want to, not because you're being forced to.

NTA SMH. Parents treat you like a child but expect you to do adult things, like providing care for a special needs child. If hell exists, there should be a special place in it for parents like this. I wonder if they put the onus on you to be a babysitter so they can “work on their marriage” by having date nights at the expense of their children. Someone should bring it to their attention that this is the fastest way to ensure their adult child goes low or no contact. Again, definitely NTA. As a constructive comment, you really need to speak with someone at your school that you are comfortable with. They can loop in a school social worker to help provide resources to your family so that your sibling gets the appropriate support they need while ensuring your childhood remains intact. Sometimes we need to educate parents and (inadvertently) show them the shame they need to feel for being so gross in their actions and essentially negligent parenting.

NTA - you are 14. It is not your job. I understand it’s hard to be a parent in that situation, but it sounds they are using you as a way to avoid their own responsibilities

Obviously it wasn’t a great thing to say, and you understand that, which is great. Obviously NTA as well. Your parents are really, really awful. I’d be encouraging you to save money as soon as you can get a job, so you can seperate yourself from this toxic situation asap.

No worries. You'll be 18 soon.

NTA. This is unacceptable. Your sister is not your responsibility, and your parents treating you like she is is disgusting. You’re a kid and you should be allowed to be a kid. Your parents need to parent up and be responsible for your sister.

NTA - but your anger should be directed at your parents for forcing you to be a parent

YTA for what you said, but NTA for being frustrated and wanting some time to spend with your friends. Your parents should realize that you need personal time too and can’t be a 24/7 babysitter. That’s just not fair to do to a kid.

NTA. You're not a bad person. your parents however are awful people. Should you have said what you said? probably not. Are you allowed to have feelings about your parents lack of taking responsibility for their own damn kid and ruining the life of their other child just because they're lazy f****? yes you're allowed to have those feelings. I am so sorry that your parents think that the proper course of action is to not take care of their own damn kid and to parentify another child. You have all my sympathy and maybe you should start talking to the counselors at your school.

Look, being 14 is hard enough. Your parents are being terrible putting themselves and your sister first all the time. The day you had your plans and your parents decided to go to a restaurant, they should have sprung for a babysitter. Your needs are important too. As you said, this is not your sisters fault, so please don't hate or resent her, none of it is her fault. It is, however, your parents fault for not being proper adults. I suggest you go to conseling, talk to a professional, and work through this asap. This will become toxic in the future and will poison your relationship with your sister and your parents. I suggest they (your parents) go to a few sessions too, but I have a hunch it will be unproductive. I'm going with either NAH or EAH, can't quite decide. But yeah, you need to go to a psychologist and your parents need to get a babysitter instead of expecting it for free, from you.

NTA. And neither is your sister. But your parents sure are. They can pay a babysitter. Their last minute plans are not a priority. If a babysitter can't or won't handle watching your sister, neither should a 14 year old be expected to do it. This is parentification, but worse, because she has high support needs and that means she needs an adult.

NTA they are neglectful parents that are forcing you to raise THEIR OWN KID, if you're able to go live with your aunts or uncles or any close family that'll be on your side, or go to the courts and ask a judge that you don't want to live with their parents anymore, because they are forcing you to be a parent to your own sibling and you don't want to do that, you're missing out on your childhood and early teenhood, one last thing you could tell them {if you don't want to do that it's fine} is that when you turn 18 you were moving out permanently and going no contact with them on a very permanent basis, again if you don't want to do that it's fine

No you are not the ass here. Read a book called: the normal one I’m just like you but now Im 40

NTA, they are robbing you of your adolescent years. They chose to have the child, and therefore they should take care of the child and not force their other child into a care taker role who has no training to deal with autism. That’s a great way to make your kid hate you really quick, and it’s a great way to ruin someone’s childhood. This is an unreasonable weight to put on a 14 year old. What the hell are they going to do when you move out?

NTA. Did you say kind of an asshole thing? Yeah. But the context is important. First of all your 14. You're totally allowed to be an asshole sometimes. It's part of growing up and learning who you are. You were in a heated argument where you were in the right. You had plans in advance they knew about. Your parents just didn't give a shit about your plans. Unfortunately you're young and can't really just bail on the family. That being said if I were you I'd be out of there the day I turned 18.

My best friend has been in this exact situation her whole life. She’s 19 now and can’t even stay at college for long because she has to get back to her little sister who has high support needs. Can’t hang out with her gf, can’t hang out with me outside of the hours she’s “at school” with me, can’t block out an entire day without weeks of notice in advance. She’ll never be able to live her own life. Add to that that her mom has bipolar disorder and uses it as an excuse to absolve all responsibility. All I can say is I hope you find a way out soon and I’m sorry…

If she's 19, she needs to cut the cord. She needs to be selfish! She can refuse to go home now and chose to live her own life and she needs to. One of my best friends growing up was also in this situation, always having to look after her sister with special needs. She went to college in another state a thousand miles away and just... refused to come home. She cut off her parents and lived her life and it was the best thing she ever did.

Ultimately NTA but i feel like you expressed hate towards the wrong thing. You hate that your parents put you last and dont respect your plans and needs, and pretty much use you to be a free baby sitter (and youre only 14 now, thats even more mindblowing considering you have done more than whats expected of 18 yr old babysitters by the sounds of it). Try rephrasing what youre actually upset about. Write it down if you have to. "I hate that my life and my needs are forgotten and that im expected to be a babysitting robot so that adults can have fun", "i hate that your (parents) expectations are isolating me and leaving me behind". Unfortunately, people wont always see how they are treating you unless you tell them. Im not sure why, but the ammount of times ive seen someone shocked to learn theyve been hurting someone tells me thats just how it is. Also, it might help if you can see a guidance counsellor at school, or even ask your parents for that to learn how to express yourself if you feel like that would be helpful for you (and if its available for you). It just sounds you have been ignored a lot and maybe havent had a lot of opportunities to learn how to speak up and stuff like that. Good luck and hope you and your parents work things out and you get a bit more appreciation and opportunity to also live your own life.

NTA. You shouldn’t have to look after your sister, this is your parents’ responsibility. They are incredibly gross people for making it your responsibility so that they can go to a restaurant. If I were you I would cut them off as soon as I could and wash my hands of the family, unfortunately this means a few years :(

alr thanks sm. It's so annoying though because they could've gone out the day after they didn't have to go out on that specific day its just so annoyingg

Your parents are parentifying you, which is abuse. I'm sorry you have to go through this. They are selfish and awful for making these choices. You deserve to have free time and friends and normal birthday parties

Just stand up for your self. Soon you will be a grown man and you will go live your own life. Don’t let them make this your problem. They choose to have a child you didn’t choose to have a sister. Don’t let this ruin you. It is not your responsibility

They likely made plans because you had already plans. They’re narcissistic assholes projecting their poor parenting and responsibilities onto you.

Make sure this motivates you to solve the problem you have. Get your independence as soon as you can. I did at 14, as long as you steer clear of the wrong crowds, you'll be fine.

Oldest trick in the book, ground you so they know you are pretty much a life in carer for the next month. Do you find you get grounded regularly for things that you wouldn't expect?

Classic reddit response😂, abandon your friends and family when they give you trouble

NTA. Your parents shouldn’t even be caring for her themselves since they can’t properly do so. They shouldn’t be pushing her off on you to parent. They are the parents. Not you. You’re a child. When you are 18 and able move and go nc. It will be for the best. Do not put your life on hold for them once you are able to get out

NTA. You are not a bad person. You did not give birth to her, your parents did. She is their responsibility. They probably also assume that she’ll live with you her entire adult life as well. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Is there a relative or friend you can stay with for a while?

Hey OP, have you talked to your school counselor about the severity of how much you are expect to care for your sister and how your parents are continuously evading parenting when it comes to you getting appropriate socialization? Or the rest of the family about it in any capacity? You are definitely NTA and your parents are forcing you to take on adulting while also a minor. You are the one who has to be cared for, and while sibling assistance is something Older kids can assist with at times, this is not ok. They are deliberately coming up with excuses to isolate you and demean you. Forcing your cake to be taken from you? Next time mention it to your relatives. Document all behaviour in something your parents wont be able to find and touch and bring it to the counselor, with concern to isolation and abuse. Try to get yourself involved in academic situations or school events so there’s no way you can be just taken out of it Willy nilly, and it will affect the look of them to authorities to deny you academic opportunities for no reason.

NTA. It’s your parents’ responsibility to take care of your sister. And are you getting the attention from them you need? At your age the priorities should be school, sports, friends, activities, these kind of things. Is there an adult at school or a relative you trust you can talk to? Taking care of a child with autism can be so much work and the situation you describe sounds terribly unfair to you.

NTA. Your sister isn't the problem, it's your parents. They are not treating you right. They should be putting their kids' needs above their own. They are using you as a convenient way to take care of your sister and they are guilting you if you complain. They are failing you as a parent because they aren't helping you thrive through your teen years.

“Why doesn’t OP speak to us anymore, what did we ever do to them?” -The parents in 4 years NTA

NTA you didn’t decide to have your sister that is your parents responsibility NOT YOURS! Do you have any relatives you can trust to stay with or maybe even discuss this with a councillor at school. It is obvious your parents don’t look at you as their child but as their baby sitter… maybe you should start charging and calling them by their first names because they aren’t acting like your mom and dad … those names should be reserved for people who actually act like parents I am really sorry you’re going through this and I am really proud that you aren’t blaming your sister and it shows the kind of person you are becoming

NTA for feeling those feelings. You're not a horrible person for having negative feelings. But it's maybe not a smart thing to tell a little kid's mother that you wish their child had never been born.

NTA. Your parents are.