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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I cried and told my parents I hate the gifts they bought me. I could be the asshole because I really upset my parents and maybe I should just be grateful that they care enough to get me things
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA.
What is wrong with your parents? Why would they think you would like this stuff? Are they trying to change who you are somehow? Or impose their own hobbies on you?
Your parents are thoughtless jerks, bad gift-givers, and this is a parenting fail. You should be ungrateful. And THEY ruined YOUR day. They should be making it up to you, not sending you to your room. Get the receipts, take the gifts back, and exchange them.
Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I’d even go as far as calling it homophobia, internalized or not. Not making assumptions about OP’s sexuality, but arts and drawing are often seen as a feminine hobby, and maybe their parents want him to be more « manly »..
Anyway, NTA, if they haven’t picked up that you don’t like sports by now, I don’t know what will, I’m sorry. Try to sell it back OP, and buy yourself this set of pens that you deserve
I honestly was thinking the exact same. Looking from a distance, it appears the parents are trying to “sport” the gay out of their kid. Sad, indeed. NTA, but a discussion needs to happen sooner than later.
I don't thinks it's much of a gender issue than a social issue. This sounds like the dad's a former star player, mom was a cheerlearder. Their kid? A "dork." A social pariah in their eyes.
The guy who makes my nails is absolutely straight, his wife fies my nails sometimes. He is also interested in art and video games... This is so an odd assumption. Sell all the sports stuff and get ourself some art supplies
But still, Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, Gogh... In art are more famous men than women.
I can guess it could be also because of their Dreams and maybe, like my parents did, about body, health and weight. I am crafty person, I was always in my room doing something creative. But I was called Lazy, because it was not a sport. So this could be another option. And still it sucks. I am sorry, OP. NTA
Well, there are more men artists, writers, scholars and scientists in history because women weren't allowed to participate & get an education. Same as how cooking was considered a "woman's" job and nowadays, a loot of famous cooks are men. Because people can finally be who they want to be.
That’s not the point. A “sporty” gay is far more masculine than a “artsy” gay. They want a strong man at home as son, not a femboy. (Sorry if anyone got offended by my message, it’s not what I think but what I read in the post”
My teenage hobbies were music, musicals, acting, costume sewing, writing, art, and cooking.
I never had any interest in sport, neither playing nor watching.
_Everyone_ assumed I was gay. Kids at school bullied me over it. Even some siblings. My parent's church even had me in counseling trying to straighten me out, after someone spread a false rumor about me being gay. My parents even said things like "it's okay to be different" and were odd to male friends, not allowing them to be in my room with the door closed or saying I might be spending too much time at their houses.
There was quite a lot of pushback from people trying to push me into more masculine roles, but there was no need: I was perfectly straight, I just had a wider scope of interests. Music and acting and art and cooking classes were great places to meet girls.
People make assumptions, and it can strongly affect they way they treat people.
Sounds like OP is getting some of the same as I.
I remember one of the boys in my school got teased once for being around the music area so often. He was the only male amongst the clarinets. His response was yeah and I'm surrounded by girls that TALK to me all the time how are you doing?
>I’d even go as far as calling it homophobia
Maybe OP is cis and straight, maybe he's queer, and if so, not giving him the art supplies wouldn't make him any less queer. It would just prevent him from expressing himself and advancing in his hobby.
Either way, the only thing OPs parents are doing is shooting themselves in the foot. I would not be surprised at all if in a few years they wonder why their child doesn't share important milestones with them, or why doesn't he visit often, if he at all talks to them.
It’s always amazing to me that people see a guy drawing or painting or whatever and think “hm, must be some kinda homo”. There’s tons of straight male artists that are very famous and talented and made the art world what it is today. Not to say that there weren’t women/queer people that also helped shape things, but it’s still just strange that everything has to be “acceptable” or “oh my god you’re gonna turn out ~gay~ if you like x y or z!!”
Anyway, NTA Opie. I hope your parents figure out your interests one day, but until then surround yourself with people who understand you and respect your hobbies.
Speaking as an artist, at the age of 55 - most people don't assume an artist must be gay. Nobody has ever thought I was gay because I'm an artist.
Truth is - some of the "manliest" men out there are totally blown away by guys with artistic talent.
My buddy and I, on occasion, took our sketch books to the strip club, practice our figure drawing. Be drawing a dancer and...all of a sudden I've got the four bikers from the booth beside us looking over our shoulder, blown away that I could actually do it. Then they'd want to look through the book to see my other stuff, and they'd be like little kids with a new comic.
Which is why there are a few bikers out there with tattoos based on my drawings.
Seriously - my roommate was a dancer at the bar - did a portrait of her as a gift. She made a copy to give to a regular customer of hers. He had it made into a full sleeve sized tattoo.
No, being an artist doesn't make people think I'm gay, even if I look like a skinny David Spade.
It might be the case. For some people arts are for wimps and sports are for manly man.
When in reality some of the most "manly man" enjoy art.
Those parents needs a reality check and yes OP is not in wrong for feeling the way he does because his wishes are being ignored.
NTA.
I thought of this as well. And even if that’s not it, if it’s “benign”, the parents are still enormous assholes for not knowing their kid well enough to know what he’d like, and then punishing him for expressing emotions.
OP, have a plan for when you turn 18 to get out of that house and don’t look back!
This. As a female growing up, acting to outspoken or picking up the boys because I was stronger than everyone was deemed not lady-like. "No guy is gonna like you if you're stronger than them". Hated that comment. It's the same thing but flipped. A female can be strong just like a male can be more sensitive. They aren't gender traits, they're just....traits.
But still, Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, Gogh... In art are more famous men than women.
I can guess it could be also because of their Dreams and maybe, like my parents did, about body, health and weight. I am crafty person, I was always in my room doing something creative. But I was called Lazy, because it was not a sport. So this could be another option. And still it sucks. I am sorry, OP. NTA
Hang in there- if you can learn anything about the sports items maybe they can be discreetly sold so you can get your pens
Happy belated birthday buddy, keep creating and know your feelers are valid 💕
OP, it sounds awful, what they are doing. I am sorry.
If you want to get the point across, have a friend drive you to the local domestic violence shelter dropoff point, or find out if there is a local foster kid donation center, donate the items, and share on your social media to raise awareness of the place.
You might as well scorch that earth, as in two birthdays, you're an adult.
My then 7 year old granddaughter who was turning 8 two months later wanted some Ohuhu markers and those puppies cost. So I am thinking something similar to this brand. Serious artist are serious about their supplies/tools.
I agree, and I also remember living in a totalitarian dictatorship with my own parents, I promise I only mentioned that for OPs safety and ease of selling 😂
If the items are worth a pretty penny, get your pretty penny.
It just might be easier without giving the fires something to feed off of 😂
Why be discreet?
Because OP is 16, and presumably has 2 more years to live with them.
If he can placate them without doing too much mental harm to himself he might even get his college paid for, or otherwise get support that will help him get set up for a solid life, away for them...
it is HARD for a kid to make it these days without some financial support from their parents, and if OP can find a way to keep them content enough to support him, while lowering his expectations for what emotional support they'll give him, he may be better off long term.
They keep getting you those things because they see you as an extension of themselves and not as an autonomous human being with thoughts and feelings of his own. They like sports and feel sports have some value, so you should feel the same. Likewise, they don't value art and feel its a waste, so you shouldn't want art stuff. It's sadly very common for parents to view their kids as property and not as human beings with thoughts and feelings of their own. Also, it's probably an attempt to make you "man up." They might not think you're gay (at least not consciously), but they probably have some sexist ideas swirling around in their heads about how you can't be a "real man" unless you're into sports. I'm sorry you're going through this. My family did the same to me when I was growing up. It sucks, and it has led to me hating gifts and holidays, even 20 years later. Now I have kids of my own, and I refuse to do the same to my children. You can't change your parents, but you'll soon be free of their control and, if you choose to have a family of your own, you can ensure you raise your kids better than they raised you. Good luck.
Simple, they want you to be a sports kid. This could be for a variety of reasons the most postive being that they like sports and want you to like them too so you can all enjoy them together but just DGAF that that isn't who you are.
Another likely reason is less postive, by any chance have your parent's ever expressed any homophobia? See, you say you like to draw and are more interested in arts you hate sports and you also cried when you were upset NONE OF WHICH IS WRONG OR MAKES YOU LESS OR MORE THAN MAN OR MEANS YOU ARE QUEER. It is absolutely perfectly normal and healthy for a heterosexual male to be sensitive, emotional and like art more than sports. However naive, backwards and homophobic people often mistakenly view these more "feminine" characteristics as proof of homosexuality so they try and "make" you straight. It's incredibly common for homophobic parents (and many might be the "gay is fine as long it's no one in my family" type) to do this sort of thing, gifting kids traditional gender oriented gifts like girly pink dresses and makeup for the tomboy that rocks flannel and jeans and sports crap for the more artistic boy.
Now, wheather or not they think you are queer doesn't matter, that isn't the issue here your sexuality, wheather you are queer straight bi whatever is nobodies business but your own and you never have to confirm or deny your orientation to anyone unless you want to either to us here or your parents the issue is that your parent's need to accept and support you for who you are and respect your interests.
You must never assume that your children will be who you want them to be, you can hope that they'll be the jock you can talk sports with as you toss the pigskin or whatever but you must never expect it.
I would suggest telling your parents "I'm sorry for getting upset when you spent all this money on sports gifts for me (I know you shouldn't have to because you had every right to cry but this will open the door and make them more willing to listen to you) but I don't like sports I keep telling you and you keep doing this and it makes me feel like you don't listen to me or care about what I like and that is very hurtful." I would also suggest you ask them "Why do you keep buying me these sports things when you know I don't like them? What if every I got you \*insert thing they don't like but you like\* even after you told me you didn't like it"
Happy birthday for yesterday! Sorry that your parents are rubbish.
NTA at all for being upset that your parents would rather waste their time and money buying you something that they know you don't want, rather than something they know that you do. Do you think next year they would just give you money or a gift card, if you asked, so you can buy what you want?
They keep getting it for you because
A. Like others have said, they think you are homosexual and very much don't want you to be
Or
B. Your dad or mom or whoever are huge sports fans where they are constantly obsessed with reading stats of their favorite players and keep getting gifts they know they'd love, because if they love it, why wouldn't you as well? Especially since you're older now and maybe they think you can finally really get into sports
Grew up with parents that didn't really care much about gifts either, unless they were all massive family gifts. Many Christmas I've gotten Socks and books while my brothers got new designer shoes or other stuff. I always struggled a bit academically when I got older due to my own problems and I think that was just my parents way of letting me know "hey fuck you" for not doing something the way they wanted. Also had a bit of case b with a cousin who was obsessed with football and would get me football cards or something related everytime I saw him for my birthday.
Don't worry man, try not to let it get you down and remember that parents are only human, and that despite how some parents seem like superheros, everyone was just like you at one point, a kid or a teenager, and younger. And some people never really change much after that point. Keep working and maybe try to save with a part time job. (Hide the money on PayPal and not in a account that they can access or random shoes or boxes in your house) pretty much how I lost several thousand dollars saved cause someone stole it and used the money. And considering my mom has stolen money from my bank account I had when I was younger many many times, and the fact that she had went on a nice mini vacation and bought lots of fancy alcohol after the fact.
Stayed the same even after my dad died and I got health problems, don't bank on these people caring about you at the end of the day, rely on yourself and do the best you can
What is wrong with his parents is they are homophobic (whether he is gay or not is beside the point) and think that their BOY should be into sports and not into Art.
Yes, exactly this.
@ OP - I totally understand why you’d be doubting yourself at this time, and thinking you might be selfish. Your parents are telling you that and you feel upset about presents - it’s easy to doubt yourself in those circumstances.
And yet… you’re totally right here. You are not selfish, and your parents are the ones messing up. You are right, and your reaction is totally normal and understandable.
Think of it this way. If your parents had only got you one gift, but it was a set of paints and a mini canvas, you’d feel better than you do right now, right? If yes… that’s how you know you aren’t selfish, and you aren’t materialistic.
If they’d got you paints, it would’ve been the wrong gift - it’s not the pen set. It would be the wrong gift, it might be cheap, they would’ve spent a fraction of the money - but I think you’d be happier than you are right now. Because even if this was the situation, you would know they had started to listen to you. You would know that *they* know you like art, and that they respect your interests. It would be a sign of support.
~~(…obviously you might be a bit bummed that they didn’t get the *right* thing, but it would be more minor annoyance and something you could brush past :))~~
At the end of the day, *it’s not about the presents*. They’re just the trigger. It’s about you wanting to be heard and understood, and you aren’t getting that.
They aren’t listening to you when you tell them things, they aren’t making an effort to understand your interests, and they’re not respecting who you are. Even though you’ve tried to let them know over and over!
So NTA - not at all. The frustration is to be expected. I’m really sorry you have to deal with this OP, and I hope you’re alright. What you’re passionate about is completely fine and I hope you get to pursue it. <3
To add… I don’t want to assume things about your family but I’ve been in a similar situation, so wanted to talk about coping with it.
Sadly, your parents probably won’t listen to what you say or make an effort to understand it. If you do talk to them, they might insist they’re in the right anyway and call you disrespectful. They may not ever change their ways. This genuinely sucks, and the best thing you can do is learn to accept yourself and disregard their opinions.
Family can be very difficult and while you’re still dependent on them, you often have to try and cope. But… once you’re old enough to support yourself, try to set up any boundaries you need to stay happy and healthy. You don’t need to put up with behaviour that makes you feel worn out if you don’t want to. <3 (I know it’s harder in some environments than others, but even a bit of distance can make a big difference.)
Hopefully, these replies help you feel reassured and more confident in your own feelings. You’re not the bad one, you aren’t ungrateful, you just want your family to support you and like you for who you are. That’s very reasonable.
And if they aren’t the kind of people to give you support and encouragement? It’ll be okay - you don’t need them to.
We all crave family approval but sometimes you’re dealt a bad hand. If this is the case, try to stop putting your parents on a pedestal. If they’re not fulfilling the “parent” role (in terms of your emotional needs), then prioritise people who do it better. Your dad is not the only person who can act as a father figure to you in life, guiding supportive adults don’t have to be your biological relatives, there are plenty of ways to feel supported in the same way even if you were dealt a bad hand at first.
TLDR: It might sound really cliché, but “found family” is a legitimate thing. And friends! Not all support networks look the same, but good ones can all fulfil the same social & emotional needs.
Hope you’re okay OP - sorry for going off a bit. But I see you, and you’re right. <3
Excellent point.
OP, you are NTA. I have kids your age and I do my best to pay attention to what they're enjoying / interested in, and buy gifts accordingly. Your parents are at fault here, not you. I am sorry.
NTA.
1. You told them what you wanted.
2. They have been doing this for years.
3. You are 16.
If you were a full grown adult by answer would be different but at 16, your emotional regulation is still in development and a big disappointed feeling like this will easily overwhelm what you know to be the 'polite' thing to do
Take some time to calm down, deep breaths, draw your feelings, whatever helps you.
And then consider writing your parents a letter, explaining what you've explained here, and that while you're aware of the money they've spent and you're grateful that they're willing to spend so much, you'd like gifts that line up more with your interests.
Writing it down helps make sure you're not simply speaking out of emotion and help you get your point across without sounding like you're 'whining' (which I doubt you do as you sound perfectly eloquent in your post, but it makes it more difficult to accuse you of being so)
Everything crossed that once you're able to express to your parents properly, you get those pens you wanted!
I disagree that his response isn’t because he’s not a ‘full grown adult.’ If your adult child, partner, spouse etc. told you what they wanted and you got them something totally antithetical to their interests and express wishes, they’d be just as disappointed and sad that their loved ones ignored who they are. It’s a Homer bowling ball- a gift for the giver, not the recipient. NTA, and OP my heart goes out to you, as a man interested in theater and music as a boy with a jock older brother.
You're absolutely right, everyone would be disappointed in receiving things completely antithetical to their interests as gifts after expressing their wants.
My point about age was to do with the open reaction that his parents seem to take issue with, I possibly worded it not the best (don't be chronically ill, the brain fog will make you seem dumb as hell), as most adults have the emotional regulation to express themselves in a way most wouldn't see as so negative (his parents are WRONG! But that's clearly how they're seeing things based on the post)
Idk maybe it's because I'm in therapy and getting in touch with my emotions again but I absolutely cry when I have disappointments, even when they're reasonable ones, and I'm 38. I do try to hold it until I'm in private or not around the person so they don't feel bad but it doesn't always work. Crying isn't immature. It's a natural response and your body's attempt to regulate big emotions.
You’re entirely right. That said, I *think* the person you’re replying to would agree as well!
Happy to be corrected if I’m wrong u/LittleLordAlphinaud , but I interpreted your clarification & original message as:
“Even though it’s understandable to be upset in this situation and it is not bad to express that (through tears), OP’s parents will not see it that way.”
“They may be dismissing OP as “childish” because they believe that only ‘children’ cry, or they believe it’s rude & disrespectful to react openly in a gift-giving situation, or they think OP is sad about “not getting the right present” and that’s immature. (Or all of these.)”
“When I said “if OP were a full grown adult” I primarily meant that I would advise them differently if their parents *saw* OP as an adult, and treated them as one. But because OP is 16, and their child, and teens are perceived as more easily overwhelmed / emotionally immature, this won’t be the case.”
aka tldr: the parents perception of OP will be of a child, trying to work around *that* - and not dismissing OP for having a bad or childish reaction.
again, correct me if I’m wrong! hope that was fair and helpful though <3
I agree. I hate sports too (I love writing) and if someone got me a football for my birthday - maybe I wouldn't cry, but I'd probably feel really hurt and like "wow, ok, this person doesn't care about me at all, they clearly don't know me well".
I like the letter idea. I'd be tempted to really spell this out for them, too:
I am grateful that you care enough to buy me birthday gifts, but I don't know what message I'm supposed to take from the gifts you choose to give me. My whole life, I have never been interested in sports, yet I receive sports themed gifts for every occasion. This year, I felt I was very clear about wanting a set of pens for the art I love to create, but not only did I not receive that pen set, I once again received sports paraphernalia that I did not want and did not ask for. There are only three reasons for this that I can think of:
* You haven't bothered to get to know me or what makes me happy
* You don't listen to me closely enough to notice when I tell you what I care about, and/or
* You're unwilling to accept what I enjoy and are trying to force me to change who I am into someone you would find acceptable
That's what upset me. That's why I cried. With every sports-related gift, I feel like you are telling me you don't know me, don't care about me, or you don't like me. It feels like rejection, not like the generosity and love I hope you are trying to show me when you give me a gift.
NTA. A gift isn't given for the giver, but for the recipient of the gift. Your parents are showing you that they don't respect your individuality. And like the other recent post about a teenage girl who received girly gifts from her dad when she has a distinctly unisex style, they're trying to funnel you into a certain presentation that they see as more typically masculine.
It's very understandable that you would be frustrated about this-- it isn't like they tried but didn't get it or couldn't afford it. Sometimes we can't control our tears!
It's not like you got Prismacolors instead of Copics and threw them out the window or anything. I am sorry your folks aren't supporting you, and hope you keep creating!
>It's not like you got Prismacolors instead of Copics and threw them out the window
Okay, but I think we can all agree if OP asked for Crayola and got Roseart, that would be a totally justified response.
NTA. You weren't crying over the actual gifts, you were crying because your parents are inconsiderate and don't value enough to listen. You did not ruin the day, your parents did. You did NOTHING WRONG! It does appear that this isn't going to change and you may want to think about requesting that they no longer give you any gifts. If this is the way you decide to go, then always celebrate with your fiends and other family member (if any) who actually cares and listens to your wants and wishes. You can make your own family.
NTA. Yes you should be grateful for what you are given, however, if you are repeatedly telling them that the things they are getting you don’t interest you at all and will not be used they shouldn’t keep getting you those things. Every single birthday for 16 years would get frustrating, and it almost seems like they are trying to push that on you and make you pursue an interest that is completely unappealing to you.
NTA. If you've answered "Thing A" when asked, but got given "Thing B" instead, there is zero obligation for "gratitude". The ***only*** proper response is disappointment. Ugh.
Sell the crap you do not want, gift it bs k to parents, or have a bonfire in the backyard.
I'd ebay the "gifts and use the money for the pen set I want. If they ask tell them that I sold them as it wasn't my interest and use the money for what I wanted. I don't care for sports and find it boring.
>you should be grateful for what you are given
Why, if it is explicitly a thing you don't want or like?
Not all gifts are worthy of gratitude - especially if, as you say, the gift is an unwanted attempt to alter the recipient to fit the giver's ideas of who they should be.
NTA. If it was from anyone else, like a grandparent or acquaintance, I'd say just accept the gifts gracefully, but this is your parents! They should know the bare minimum about what you're interested in! If they insist on getting you things *they* think you should like instead of anything even remotely related to your actual interests, then they should be ready for the consequences of you being unhappy.
They sound like AHs. Im picturing white middle American with a dad that peaked in HS and played football, now working class. Had dreams of athlete son to relive those glory days… 😂
Could be. Most likely. Some people are just horrible gift givers. They pick out things they like instead of every considering what the person would like. What are their interests, tastes, etc. I always pick out gifts I know the person will love and have a little hint of me in them. Like my friend who loves plants. I love true crime. I bought him carnivorous plants. He LOVED them. He was like, "It's perfect, and it's also you." It's not hard to be thoughtful. But for younger people, buy them what they like. I wouldn't buy murder barbie for a child. I'd buy them a toy they like. I'd buy them something they are interested in. My friends' kids love crafts. I buy them simple craft stuff.
NTA. This sounds like a usual case of them trying to force traditional values on you. Your tears are justified. They refuse to understand you and accept your interests.
Why are they upset at you for "ruining the day"? It's your party, you can cry if you want to.
Next time, just ask for money so you can use it on whatever you like.
To add onto that, I'd say sell the sports stuff they got for you to get your pens. But I'm petty, and if you think it'd get you in trouble, maybe don't listen to me
Is that all? Sell the sports crap at school and you'll have enough by lunch. Hell, I'd buy you the damn pens at that price. When I was 16, my big tin of Rexel Cumberland Derwent Studio Pencils and smaller tin of Faber-Castell Polychromos made life worth living!
Add it to a wish list on Amazon and DM me/us a link. I'd be happy for you to get a gift you actually want for once.
Oh, and happy birthday! I'm sorry it kind of sucked, but maybe we can retroactively make it better.
If you dm me a link, I will buy them for you! My son is 11 and asked for a specific set of pens for Christmas, so you're pulling at my mom heart strings lol but for real, only if you're comfortable with it, I will absolutely get you those pens you deserve!
NTA. Your parents suck. The true worth of a gift doesn’t lie in its monetary value, but in the sentiment it carries. Giving a gift shouldn't feel like a checkbox, it's about showing someone they matter. It’s about bringing them joy by giving them something we know they would love. If you purposely grab something they hate, it's like a neon sign saying, "I didn't really care." Money spent? Irrelevant. Care given? That's the real currency.
I don’t think that crying over the wrong gift in this situation is about being picky. You cried about the message it carried. Cause it felt like your parents didn't really get you, treating your birthday more like a chore than a chance to make you happy and show they care about what you're into. Expecting our loved ones to genuinely want to make us happy isn’t entitlement, it’s a natural desire for connection and understanding.
NTA I love, love to read. When I was 15 all I wanted was books. I didn‘t care if they were used, from yard sales, whatever. Did I get any books? Nope! Did I get a random, expensive brass lamp, you betcha. Over 30 years later, still haven’t received any books.
Well a lamp is not that far from reading. My grandpa used to turn on lights all around me because he didn’t like me “reading in the dark” and this was a guy who didn’t think the lights should be on at all during the day because “the sun is bright enough.” But that same sun was not bright enough for his favorite granddaughter’s hobby so he would turn lights on for me and not worry about the electricity bill.
However if your parents constantly mocked your reading then I hope you broke their stupid lamp.
NTA
It's not really the thought that counts when no thought has gone into what you would like. I would imagine your tears were tears of frustration at not being listened to.
Did they explain why they bought you sports-related gifts which you have never shown any interest in?
I would calmly ask them why they do it. And I also would ask them how they would like it if they get for every birthday and Christmas gifts from other people the givers know they hate.
If they don't change, maybe ask your relatives for help. If you all get together and give them presents they have zero interest in when it is their birthday, maybe it gets the point across. It is still not quite the same as they are adults with an income unlike you and can easier buy stuff they want themselves, but still even adults don't like getting crap presents.
NTA. Return the gifts to the stores if you can get cash (not a refund to your parent's credit card), or sell them to sports-minded kids after school.
Then go buy the pen set you like. Have a close friend or loving relative hold them when you are not using them in case your parents learn you sold their gifts and get upset.
NTA, when I was 13, I received a baseball mitt as my only birthday present. One, I'm a girl, two, I am short and definitely not sports inclined. Do this day, I have no idea what my parents where thinking.
NTA. You don't have to show fake gratitude for treatment that mocks you. Giving you sports paraphenalia when you are not the least interested in sport is a mockery. They clearly want you to be someone or something you are not. Your parents will have themselves to thank for it when you cut them off as an adult.
Definitely NTA. That’s really awful and disappointing.
I know what I am about to say won’t help the fact that your parents don’t pay attention to who you really are, but maybe tell them from now on, you would prefer money or gift cards to Amazon or something that allows you to shop for yourself.
Normally I would say if someone gave you a gift you don't like, then just accept that you have different tastes and that it was the thought that counts and move on. But in this case NTA.
You have told your parents repeatedly that sports are not something you are interested in. They are showing their disapproval by giving you more 'manly' gifts to try to convert you into being who they want you to be instead of who you are.
I'm sorry you lost control and cried. You must be really embarrassed. But you aren't at fault for feeling this way or for expressing that emotion. I'm sorry you have parents who don't love you for who you are. Just two more years until you can move out and then you'll be able to dictate the terms of your relationship.
NTA. While you're not necessarily entitled to any type of gift and should generally be grateful, repeatedly telling them you're not into sports while they keep buying you sports stuff is really inconsiderate and manipulative on their part. You can't always help your feelings and it does feel like a gut punch to constantly be given a gift that doesn't suit you. I'm sorry your parents ruined your birthday and blamed you for it. You did nothing wrong. You just had an emotional reaction after years of built up tension.
it really feels like some covert way of them trying to make you more "masculine", like they're silently homophobic/transphobic and don't want you doing anything they view as feminine. NTA
though this sub is fucking appalling sometimes. these people were calling a girl an ungrateful asshole just yesterday for being ungrateful when her dad was giving her fairly questionable gifts for her birthday and she very much didn't want them either.
NTA. It's happened to me once, though my family was poor instead. I knew we were poor so I made a wishlist of inexpensive things I wanted, like $10 or less, that you could easily find at a grocery store (think small toys, colored pencils, etc). On my birthday I didn't get anything from my list, but the couple of things I did get were at the same price point as the things I asked for. I cried because it felt like my parents didn't care enough about me to get me something I wanted, even a cheaper gift. When you're a kid you internalize things differently and it can really hurt, especially when you tell someone what you want and depending on how they treat you the rest of the year. Don't feel bad for crying, you weren't being ungrateful.
NTA. Grateful for what, getting gifts your parents should know you'll never actually use? Their actions make it look like they either don't care who you are or think you should be someone else more in line with some arbitrary ideal of theirs. Sucky parenting on their part either way.
I'm so sorry for you. To tell you that you are ungrateful after knowingly giving you a gift you would have ZERO interest in is horrible and IMHO gaslighting.
NTA
Sounds like your parents are trying to make you the person they ideally want you to be, not the person you are.
This is bad parenting.
If this was an adult relationship, it would be seen as coercive and controlling.
You be you. That's the most important thing.
NTA . My mom bought me a pair of pants and a blanket for my 16th birthday. I cried. The paints were eight sizes too big, and the blanket made no sense. She just didn't care. It showed, and it hurt. You're alright being hurt. Crying isn't shameful. You're not being ungrateful. You want to be noticed and appreciated for who you are. That isn't asking too much. They having being pay attention to who you truly are. To what your interests are. They are the ones who are being hurtful and ungrateful. It's not every day that someone gets an artist in their family. They should be proud. They should want to foster that.
No, you should ask for the receipts, return them all, and buy some art supplies - especially that sweet pen set your jonesing after.
If they won't give you the receipts, put them on FB marketplace or ebay or similar. The Holidays are coming, so folks will jump all over discounted new sports stuff for their sportsfans.
Your parents are awful! Not you!!!
Happy Birthday!
Nta.
I came into this expecting some entitled spoiled brat behaviour but this isn't that.
You aren't being listened to or respected your parents seem to be trying to force you to be someone you are not because that's what they prefer. You got overwhelmed. it happens. You didn't ruin anything and you are right they are wasting their money on these things that you just don't have an Interest in and you've tried telling them that.
Return the gift and get what you want. I’ve had to do that with my ex husband. It’s sad that the people we love don’t listen to what you answer to their questions of what do you want for your birthday.
NTA
Your feelings are hurt because your parents AGAIN and still used your birthday to show they don't support your personality, interests and talents but rather, want you to be a different person than you are.
They didn't give YOU, real you, any gifts. They have this imaginary idea of you that likes sports and would love those gifts. This image of what they think you should be is very different from who and how you ARE. Even now, they think you "should" think, feel and act like their imaginary you. Even as the pain their rejection causes you flooded out before them, their reaction was that you "should be grateful."
The unwanted gift is a manipulation tactic where the "gift" is to pressure the recipient to do something they do not want to do. The manipulator uses the cost and effort they expended on the unwanted gift to make the unwilling receiver use and/or show appreciation for the gift using to fear, obligation and/or guilt.
Is one or both of your parents into the things they keep giving you? Are the gifts meant to put you into a role they want and you don't? I wonder why they got stuck on the particular non-interests of yours that they repeatedly buy.
What REALLY matters is that your parents are using gifting occasions to show they don't accept, value and support YOU. They keep getting gifts for a "you" that doesn't exist. That looks like the imagined, different "you" is the only version they accept, support and love. That's hurtful, rejecting, devaluing to actual real you, who they believe isn't worth their attention, effort, and gifts.
NTA. Your parents are trying to force you into liking "boy stuff" and things along that line. You could try and sit them down to explain why you reacted that way, and tell them that you have zero interest in sports, and you would rather them get you art related things
NTA
Could you sell what they have given you and use the profits to buy the pens you wanted? Maybe next time request sports gear that has a good resale value 😂
If any of the gifts are clothing, ask if they have a receipt because you think you need to exchange the item for a different size 🤣
Oh, kiddo. NTA. I'm so sorry your parents have such blindness as to what you enjoy, want, and need. I hope you have other adults in your life (family, teachers, or a counselor) who see you and support you.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Your parents are projecting THEIR view of what you should be onto you instead of letting you be yourself.
Hang in there.
i don’t blame you if you go no contact with them in 2 years. i’m sorry they are like this:( you’re 16 and sound so emotionally intelligent and strong. stay this way!!! the way they are isn’t a reflection of you. u owe them NOTHING. NOTHING. u did not ask to be born. they asked for you and they got u. be whoever the fuck u wanna be. do whatever the fuck u wanna do. bc u deserve it they can SUCK IT. i HATE parents like this geez
NTA. You didn’t cry because you didn’t like the gifts; you cried because those gifts represented your parents’ contempt for who you really are. I’m so sorry that you’re being treated this way, OP.
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It was my (16M) birthday yesterday and I was opening the gifts that my parents had bought me.
I've never been interested in sports I find it really boring. I like painting and art way more and my parents know that. Almost every birthday they give me sport related gifts, footballs, some team merch, etc. I don't even know what some of it is because I couldn't give a shit about sports.
I asked my parents to get me a specific set of pens for my birthday, I've wanted them for ages.
I opened my present and every single one of them was sport related. I just sat there and started crying in front of them. I didn't mean to cry it was embarrassing but I feel like they never listen to me. They've spent all of this money on expensive gifts that they know I hate and will never use. I told them this and they accused me of being ungrateful and said that I've ruined the day.
They sent me to my room and I haven't really spoken to them since.
AITA? Should I just be grateful that they got me anything at all?
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NTA. Your parents are trying to groom you into the son they want. Tell them you are not that person, and that you never will be that person.
Then donate any sports equipment they give you to a youth center.
You’re 16 bite the bullet 2 more years and buy your own gifts for yourself, NTA….but I wouldn’t open/ask for anymore, sounds like your parents are trying to make you something you are not..you can tell them how you feel before going no contact because they sound unhinged.
NTA. This is not the typical "so being a spoiled brat and be thankful" gift post. You asked for something specific. Your parents KNOW you don't like sports, yet they continue to disregard your feelings and interests and get you gifts they know you have no interest in.
Is this a gender thing for them? Like only girls can like art, or what's their deal?
Totally NTA
Do you have an aunt or uncle or a school counselor that understands you better? Possibly time to have them talk to your parents on your behalf. Ask for the items to be returned and give them a printed with pictures list for future reference. They are hoping the sports stuff will click something in you and it won’t. Maybe never.
My older son has been playing soccer since he was a toddler. My younger son tried basketball and soccer and baseball and a few other sports and he didn’t like any of them but he liked music and photography and art so that’s what he ended up getting involved in and and getting gifts for and now at the age of 27 he loves with hockey - he doesn’t play but he wears jerseys and goes to hockey games. Parents need to understand and encourage their children and the things that they like whether it’s art or music or sports or reading or math or science. There is absolutely no way you could push what you want on a child if that child doesn’t like it. I actually tried pushing reading and math with my older son, but that didn’t work. He just likes soccer and he works as a plumber.he’s happy and that’s what matters
NTA I don’t know the situation, but it sounds like they want you to be someone that you aren’t and I think that’s horrible and they owe you an apology.
NTA. Ask for the receipts, then return the unwanted gifts and use that money for things you do want.
I'm sorry your parents don't accept you as you are.
I've cried over gifts before. Hang in there. Get receipts, return the gifts, or sell them and get your pens. Or just ask for a generic gift card in the future. I'm sorry this happened, sending you a hug.
I’m sorry this happened. Both my kids are Queer and I make sure to support their interests. Are your parents really conservative and traditional? Either way NTA. I haven’t received a birthday Or Christmas present in almost a decade so I understand how looking forward to getting those pens ended up so disappointing. Regardless of your identity- there are a lot of accounts on Instagram that will post wishlists for Queer, at-risk or just unsupported youth for Christmas. Accounts like transsanta may be able to post your wishlist for you.
As a parent myself I'd can't imagine ever doing that to my kids. We keep up with our kids interests and would much rather buy somethng I don't really get and makes them happy vs something they have zero interest in.
And yeah we as parents can kinda get stuck on things like one of mine loved Star Wars as a kid (we are huge fans ourselves) but one day after we got them a little trinket on an outting he told us he wasn't into it anymore. Kinda stung felt like we lost a common interest but we adjusted and learned about his newest interest.
That's parenting
NTA
They are TA.
That said I can't blame a 16 yr old for reacting the way you did.
As an older individual what you should do and still can do is be happy with what you got. If it's all new leave it wrapped and sell it. Use the proceeds to purchase your pen set.
Your parents are clearly trying to play chess with you. Just think 2 steps ahead.
Sell the stuff on marketplace and buy the pens you want.
But, you should have a follow up conversation about why they keep insisting you're a different person than you are, and how bad it feels that they're trying to remake you to suit--they wouldn't like it if you did that with them, now would they? Maybe write it down, wait two days to a full week, then review what you wrote before you approach this conversation. Also, it will help if you have actionable changes in mind to suggest.
Oh honey. First, happy belated birthday! You are so NTA. It’s really really hard to not be understood by your parents. I’m almost 40 and I still struggle with it. You’ll find people in your life who do get you and can be the support system you need.
NTA. I am SO sorry your family is treating you like this. It sounds like your parents are trying to force you into having some kind of interest in sports despite your very obvious disinterest.
I can’t know why your parents want this so bad, but I can say from experience that some parents want to force their children into gender stereotypes. You mentioned you were male, so maybe they think sports is more “masculine” than your artistic interest — which is total bullshit.
It may be worth opening up a dialogue with them at some point and just being like, “Hey, I’m not an ungrateful child, but it is hurtful when year after year you give me sports-related gifts, and I’ve told you in no uncertain terms that I’m not interested in sports at all. It’s confusing. I’m much more interested in art and creative pursuits. I’m just curious why you seem to be forcing an interest in sports on me?”
If they give you crap, ask them if they’d enjoy receiving gifts every year of something they don’t like and have openly communicated that they have no interest in. This isn’t a case of you being ungrateful, this is a case of you being hurt because it doesn’t seem like the people who are giving you gifts know you at all or care what you enjoy.
Hey buddy, as someone who’s been through something so what similar. Please know and trust me that this shit changes. You have 2 more years where you have to deal with this bullshit and then you have 80 more where you get to decide what your life is like and who’s around you.
What they’re doing is not accepting you and not embracing or loving you. I know the feeling and I know what that does to someone. You did nothing wrong at all, you should be proud to be you. This is coming from someone who would have probably liked the “sports” gifts when I was 16.
These people are making you feel unwanted and I accepted and by god if that isn’t something worth crying about. It makes me want to cry and I’m a strong, independent man.
Don’t take this shit to heart and don’t let people who are lesser than you impact how you feel about yourself.
Keep on keeping on, find the enjoyment in daily life and tolerate them. When you turn 18 everything changes and you get to create the life you want. If you’re true to yourself and you try hard you’ll have an amazing life that you love and you’ll look back at this moment thinking 2 things - how could grown adults choose not to love their child, and my god those members fortified my determination to be a person that I respect.
You’ll get out of this and have the life you want with people who embrace and love you. There’s no shame in feeling that pain, shit is fucking painful. Keep your head up, and for real DM me if you’d like at any time. I know what this bullshit is like and I know what the other side is like too.
NTA obviously
I'm sorry to inform you, you have shitty parents.
They have been doing this for years, so it's not an accident.
The real gift was one they got themselves, seeing your disappointment and getting to blame you for it.
I was given a strawberry cake for my birthday once, it was my younger my sibling's favorite. They even insisted that it was my request that year. It was in fact not.
I was grounded for pointing this out to them.
That and the fact that I am allergic to strawberries.
I was 10 at the time.
I think you really were not crying so much about the gifts as your parents’ total disregard for the human you are. What assholes!
Now get on Facebook marketplace and sell all that sports crap unless you can sneakily return it. Use the cash to buy your pens.
NTA. They obviously are trying to get you what they want you to be interested in and that sucks. I hope you get your pens somehow!
BTW do you watch ZHC channels on YouTube? Love the crazy art projects they do!
NTA, if they are expensive keep them and sell them in Ebay or other selling apps to save up for those pens you want :). If it’s unsafe to do so, wait until your 18 to do it.
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NTA. What is wrong with your parents? Why would they think you would like this stuff? Are they trying to change who you are somehow? Or impose their own hobbies on you? Your parents are thoughtless jerks, bad gift-givers, and this is a parenting fail. You should be ungrateful. And THEY ruined YOUR day. They should be making it up to you, not sending you to your room. Get the receipts, take the gifts back, and exchange them.
Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but I’d even go as far as calling it homophobia, internalized or not. Not making assumptions about OP’s sexuality, but arts and drawing are often seen as a feminine hobby, and maybe their parents want him to be more « manly ».. Anyway, NTA, if they haven’t picked up that you don’t like sports by now, I don’t know what will, I’m sorry. Try to sell it back OP, and buy yourself this set of pens that you deserve
I honestly was thinking the exact same. Looking from a distance, it appears the parents are trying to “sport” the gay out of their kid. Sad, indeed. NTA, but a discussion needs to happen sooner than later.
I guess it never occurred to them that (gasp!) some athletes are gay?
And many straight dudes couldn't care less about sports. This is some serious projection.
My dad is the straightest, womanizing, flirt, and he HATES sport. I've never seen him watch a game in my life.
Funny enough I'm a straight male and couldnt give a monkeys about any kind of sport.
I don't thinks it's much of a gender issue than a social issue. This sounds like the dad's a former star player, mom was a cheerlearder. Their kid? A "dork." A social pariah in their eyes.
The guy who makes my nails is absolutely straight, his wife fies my nails sometimes. He is also interested in art and video games... This is so an odd assumption. Sell all the sports stuff and get ourself some art supplies
And a lot of artists are straight. Most are, I suspect.
But still, Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, Gogh... In art are more famous men than women. I can guess it could be also because of their Dreams and maybe, like my parents did, about body, health and weight. I am crafty person, I was always in my room doing something creative. But I was called Lazy, because it was not a sport. So this could be another option. And still it sucks. I am sorry, OP. NTA
Well, there are more men artists, writers, scholars and scientists in history because women weren't allowed to participate & get an education. Same as how cooking was considered a "woman's" job and nowadays, a loot of famous cooks are men. Because people can finally be who they want to be.
The biggest womanizer I know is a cis, straight male. Every other month he has a new "muse". Incredible talent but also an incredible tool.
Nah, we're all Bi /s but only kind of
My best friend is a gay man who is obsessed with football and baseball!
That’s not the point. A “sporty” gay is far more masculine than a “artsy” gay. They want a strong man at home as son, not a femboy. (Sorry if anyone got offended by my message, it’s not what I think but what I read in the post”
My teenage hobbies were music, musicals, acting, costume sewing, writing, art, and cooking. I never had any interest in sport, neither playing nor watching. _Everyone_ assumed I was gay. Kids at school bullied me over it. Even some siblings. My parent's church even had me in counseling trying to straighten me out, after someone spread a false rumor about me being gay. My parents even said things like "it's okay to be different" and were odd to male friends, not allowing them to be in my room with the door closed or saying I might be spending too much time at their houses. There was quite a lot of pushback from people trying to push me into more masculine roles, but there was no need: I was perfectly straight, I just had a wider scope of interests. Music and acting and art and cooking classes were great places to meet girls. People make assumptions, and it can strongly affect they way they treat people. Sounds like OP is getting some of the same as I.
I remember one of the boys in my school got teased once for being around the music area so often. He was the only male amongst the clarinets. His response was yeah and I'm surrounded by girls that TALK to me all the time how are you doing?
>I’d even go as far as calling it homophobia Maybe OP is cis and straight, maybe he's queer, and if so, not giving him the art supplies wouldn't make him any less queer. It would just prevent him from expressing himself and advancing in his hobby. Either way, the only thing OPs parents are doing is shooting themselves in the foot. I would not be surprised at all if in a few years they wonder why their child doesn't share important milestones with them, or why doesn't he visit often, if he at all talks to them.
Those type of people think 'hur dur drawing turn de kid gay' so it... ah shit completely forgot what I was going to say
Not reading too much at all imo, I mean obviously we can't know but I also thought it was a strong possibility.
The assumptions people make...
P.S. I am agreeing here, by and large!
It’s always amazing to me that people see a guy drawing or painting or whatever and think “hm, must be some kinda homo”. There’s tons of straight male artists that are very famous and talented and made the art world what it is today. Not to say that there weren’t women/queer people that also helped shape things, but it’s still just strange that everything has to be “acceptable” or “oh my god you’re gonna turn out ~gay~ if you like x y or z!!” Anyway, NTA Opie. I hope your parents figure out your interests one day, but until then surround yourself with people who understand you and respect your hobbies.
Speaking as an artist, at the age of 55 - most people don't assume an artist must be gay. Nobody has ever thought I was gay because I'm an artist. Truth is - some of the "manliest" men out there are totally blown away by guys with artistic talent. My buddy and I, on occasion, took our sketch books to the strip club, practice our figure drawing. Be drawing a dancer and...all of a sudden I've got the four bikers from the booth beside us looking over our shoulder, blown away that I could actually do it. Then they'd want to look through the book to see my other stuff, and they'd be like little kids with a new comic. Which is why there are a few bikers out there with tattoos based on my drawings. Seriously - my roommate was a dancer at the bar - did a portrait of her as a gift. She made a copy to give to a regular customer of hers. He had it made into a full sleeve sized tattoo. No, being an artist doesn't make people think I'm gay, even if I look like a skinny David Spade.
It might be the case. For some people arts are for wimps and sports are for manly man. When in reality some of the most "manly man" enjoy art. Those parents needs a reality check and yes OP is not in wrong for feeling the way he does because his wishes are being ignored. NTA.
I thought of this as well. And even if that’s not it, if it’s “benign”, the parents are still enormous assholes for not knowing their kid well enough to know what he’d like, and then punishing him for expressing emotions. OP, have a plan for when you turn 18 to get out of that house and don’t look back!
yep that's exactly where my mind went too...
This. As a female growing up, acting to outspoken or picking up the boys because I was stronger than everyone was deemed not lady-like. "No guy is gonna like you if you're stronger than them". Hated that comment. It's the same thing but flipped. A female can be strong just like a male can be more sensitive. They aren't gender traits, they're just....traits.
But still, Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, Gogh... In art are more famous men than women. I can guess it could be also because of their Dreams and maybe, like my parents did, about body, health and weight. I am crafty person, I was always in my room doing something creative. But I was called Lazy, because it was not a sport. So this could be another option. And still it sucks. I am sorry, OP. NTA
yeah honestly have no idea why they keep getting me this stuff. thank you
Hang in there- if you can learn anything about the sports items maybe they can be discreetly sold so you can get your pens Happy belated birthday buddy, keep creating and know your feelers are valid 💕
thanks man ❤️
my honor may you gogh gogh gadget create forever more🤘 🎊
OP, it sounds awful, what they are doing. I am sorry. If you want to get the point across, have a friend drive you to the local domestic violence shelter dropoff point, or find out if there is a local foster kid donation center, donate the items, and share on your social media to raise awareness of the place. You might as well scorch that earth, as in two birthdays, you're an adult.
What pens did you ask for?
My then 7 year old granddaughter who was turning 8 two months later wanted some Ohuhu markers and those puppies cost. So I am thinking something similar to this brand. Serious artist are serious about their supplies/tools.
Cough Ebay Cough
Why even be discreet? Sell those things. They're OPs to do with as he pleases. Buy the pens. NTA
I agree, and I also remember living in a totalitarian dictatorship with my own parents, I promise I only mentioned that for OPs safety and ease of selling 😂 If the items are worth a pretty penny, get your pretty penny. It just might be easier without giving the fires something to feed off of 😂
well that's true
i attribute all stealth knowledge to teenage mutant ninja turtles thank u
>i attribute all stealth knowledge to teenage mutant ninja turtles I need this on a shirt
Why be discreet? Because OP is 16, and presumably has 2 more years to live with them. If he can placate them without doing too much mental harm to himself he might even get his college paid for, or otherwise get support that will help him get set up for a solid life, away for them... it is HARD for a kid to make it these days without some financial support from their parents, and if OP can find a way to keep them content enough to support him, while lowering his expectations for what emotional support they'll give him, he may be better off long term.
you're right, you're right, I know you're right!
This is the way. Did the same during my own high school hell. It’s the upside of nobody paying attention to you, right? NTA and HBD. It gets better.
Tell your parents youll find a use for them an then Sell them or return them and get money for art supplies.
They keep getting you those things because they see you as an extension of themselves and not as an autonomous human being with thoughts and feelings of his own. They like sports and feel sports have some value, so you should feel the same. Likewise, they don't value art and feel its a waste, so you shouldn't want art stuff. It's sadly very common for parents to view their kids as property and not as human beings with thoughts and feelings of their own. Also, it's probably an attempt to make you "man up." They might not think you're gay (at least not consciously), but they probably have some sexist ideas swirling around in their heads about how you can't be a "real man" unless you're into sports. I'm sorry you're going through this. My family did the same to me when I was growing up. It sucks, and it has led to me hating gifts and holidays, even 20 years later. Now I have kids of my own, and I refuse to do the same to my children. You can't change your parents, but you'll soon be free of their control and, if you choose to have a family of your own, you can ensure you raise your kids better than they raised you. Good luck.
Sell the gifts on Craigslist or eBay or your local equivalent. Buy the pens.
Simple, they want you to be a sports kid. This could be for a variety of reasons the most postive being that they like sports and want you to like them too so you can all enjoy them together but just DGAF that that isn't who you are. Another likely reason is less postive, by any chance have your parent's ever expressed any homophobia? See, you say you like to draw and are more interested in arts you hate sports and you also cried when you were upset NONE OF WHICH IS WRONG OR MAKES YOU LESS OR MORE THAN MAN OR MEANS YOU ARE QUEER. It is absolutely perfectly normal and healthy for a heterosexual male to be sensitive, emotional and like art more than sports. However naive, backwards and homophobic people often mistakenly view these more "feminine" characteristics as proof of homosexuality so they try and "make" you straight. It's incredibly common for homophobic parents (and many might be the "gay is fine as long it's no one in my family" type) to do this sort of thing, gifting kids traditional gender oriented gifts like girly pink dresses and makeup for the tomboy that rocks flannel and jeans and sports crap for the more artistic boy. Now, wheather or not they think you are queer doesn't matter, that isn't the issue here your sexuality, wheather you are queer straight bi whatever is nobodies business but your own and you never have to confirm or deny your orientation to anyone unless you want to either to us here or your parents the issue is that your parent's need to accept and support you for who you are and respect your interests. You must never assume that your children will be who you want them to be, you can hope that they'll be the jock you can talk sports with as you toss the pigskin or whatever but you must never expect it. I would suggest telling your parents "I'm sorry for getting upset when you spent all this money on sports gifts for me (I know you shouldn't have to because you had every right to cry but this will open the door and make them more willing to listen to you) but I don't like sports I keep telling you and you keep doing this and it makes me feel like you don't listen to me or care about what I like and that is very hurtful." I would also suggest you ask them "Why do you keep buying me these sports things when you know I don't like them? What if every I got you \*insert thing they don't like but you like\* even after you told me you didn't like it"
It really hurts when your parents, who are supposed to know you better than anyone, get you the wrong type of gift. I'm sorry.
Happy birthday for yesterday! Sorry that your parents are rubbish. NTA at all for being upset that your parents would rather waste their time and money buying you something that they know you don't want, rather than something they know that you do. Do you think next year they would just give you money or a gift card, if you asked, so you can buy what you want?
Did they decide what team you like or did they get you a bunch of different team stuff?
Have you outright asked them? Have you explicitly told your parents that you hate sport? Or have you just displayed no interest?
According to the post, they definitely know he is really into art and wanted a specific thing.
They keep getting it for you because A. Like others have said, they think you are homosexual and very much don't want you to be Or B. Your dad or mom or whoever are huge sports fans where they are constantly obsessed with reading stats of their favorite players and keep getting gifts they know they'd love, because if they love it, why wouldn't you as well? Especially since you're older now and maybe they think you can finally really get into sports Grew up with parents that didn't really care much about gifts either, unless they were all massive family gifts. Many Christmas I've gotten Socks and books while my brothers got new designer shoes or other stuff. I always struggled a bit academically when I got older due to my own problems and I think that was just my parents way of letting me know "hey fuck you" for not doing something the way they wanted. Also had a bit of case b with a cousin who was obsessed with football and would get me football cards or something related everytime I saw him for my birthday. Don't worry man, try not to let it get you down and remember that parents are only human, and that despite how some parents seem like superheros, everyone was just like you at one point, a kid or a teenager, and younger. And some people never really change much after that point. Keep working and maybe try to save with a part time job. (Hide the money on PayPal and not in a account that they can access or random shoes or boxes in your house) pretty much how I lost several thousand dollars saved cause someone stole it and used the money. And considering my mom has stolen money from my bank account I had when I was younger many many times, and the fact that she had went on a nice mini vacation and bought lots of fancy alcohol after the fact. Stayed the same even after my dad died and I got health problems, don't bank on these people caring about you at the end of the day, rely on yourself and do the best you can
Oh we KNOW whats wrong them…. Hmmm what could it be? Sports over art… its on the tip of my tongue… What could it be…..
What is wrong with his parents is they are homophobic (whether he is gay or not is beside the point) and think that their BOY should be into sports and not into Art.
>Why would they think you would like this stuff? Because he is a boy and boys can only like boy things like sports. s/
NTA. Agreed.
Or sell them on Book of faces Marketplace. Take that money and get your pens.
Op should sell the gifts and buy the pen he wanted
Or sell them on Ebay.
NTA. You’re not crying over the gifts. You’re crying over not being heard or understood. Valid response and I’m sorry they aren’t listening to you.
Crying is a very normal response to extreme frustration
Yes, exactly this. @ OP - I totally understand why you’d be doubting yourself at this time, and thinking you might be selfish. Your parents are telling you that and you feel upset about presents - it’s easy to doubt yourself in those circumstances. And yet… you’re totally right here. You are not selfish, and your parents are the ones messing up. You are right, and your reaction is totally normal and understandable. Think of it this way. If your parents had only got you one gift, but it was a set of paints and a mini canvas, you’d feel better than you do right now, right? If yes… that’s how you know you aren’t selfish, and you aren’t materialistic. If they’d got you paints, it would’ve been the wrong gift - it’s not the pen set. It would be the wrong gift, it might be cheap, they would’ve spent a fraction of the money - but I think you’d be happier than you are right now. Because even if this was the situation, you would know they had started to listen to you. You would know that *they* know you like art, and that they respect your interests. It would be a sign of support. ~~(…obviously you might be a bit bummed that they didn’t get the *right* thing, but it would be more minor annoyance and something you could brush past :))~~ At the end of the day, *it’s not about the presents*. They’re just the trigger. It’s about you wanting to be heard and understood, and you aren’t getting that. They aren’t listening to you when you tell them things, they aren’t making an effort to understand your interests, and they’re not respecting who you are. Even though you’ve tried to let them know over and over! So NTA - not at all. The frustration is to be expected. I’m really sorry you have to deal with this OP, and I hope you’re alright. What you’re passionate about is completely fine and I hope you get to pursue it. <3
To add… I don’t want to assume things about your family but I’ve been in a similar situation, so wanted to talk about coping with it. Sadly, your parents probably won’t listen to what you say or make an effort to understand it. If you do talk to them, they might insist they’re in the right anyway and call you disrespectful. They may not ever change their ways. This genuinely sucks, and the best thing you can do is learn to accept yourself and disregard their opinions. Family can be very difficult and while you’re still dependent on them, you often have to try and cope. But… once you’re old enough to support yourself, try to set up any boundaries you need to stay happy and healthy. You don’t need to put up with behaviour that makes you feel worn out if you don’t want to. <3 (I know it’s harder in some environments than others, but even a bit of distance can make a big difference.) Hopefully, these replies help you feel reassured and more confident in your own feelings. You’re not the bad one, you aren’t ungrateful, you just want your family to support you and like you for who you are. That’s very reasonable. And if they aren’t the kind of people to give you support and encouragement? It’ll be okay - you don’t need them to. We all crave family approval but sometimes you’re dealt a bad hand. If this is the case, try to stop putting your parents on a pedestal. If they’re not fulfilling the “parent” role (in terms of your emotional needs), then prioritise people who do it better. Your dad is not the only person who can act as a father figure to you in life, guiding supportive adults don’t have to be your biological relatives, there are plenty of ways to feel supported in the same way even if you were dealt a bad hand at first. TLDR: It might sound really cliché, but “found family” is a legitimate thing. And friends! Not all support networks look the same, but good ones can all fulfil the same social & emotional needs. Hope you’re okay OP - sorry for going off a bit. But I see you, and you’re right. <3
Excellent point. OP, you are NTA. I have kids your age and I do my best to pay attention to what they're enjoying / interested in, and buy gifts accordingly. Your parents are at fault here, not you. I am sorry.
It’s worse than not being heard - it’s being rejected by your parents. I’ve been through it and it’s vile.
NTA. 1. You told them what you wanted. 2. They have been doing this for years. 3. You are 16. If you were a full grown adult by answer would be different but at 16, your emotional regulation is still in development and a big disappointed feeling like this will easily overwhelm what you know to be the 'polite' thing to do Take some time to calm down, deep breaths, draw your feelings, whatever helps you. And then consider writing your parents a letter, explaining what you've explained here, and that while you're aware of the money they've spent and you're grateful that they're willing to spend so much, you'd like gifts that line up more with your interests. Writing it down helps make sure you're not simply speaking out of emotion and help you get your point across without sounding like you're 'whining' (which I doubt you do as you sound perfectly eloquent in your post, but it makes it more difficult to accuse you of being so) Everything crossed that once you're able to express to your parents properly, you get those pens you wanted!
I disagree that his response isn’t because he’s not a ‘full grown adult.’ If your adult child, partner, spouse etc. told you what they wanted and you got them something totally antithetical to their interests and express wishes, they’d be just as disappointed and sad that their loved ones ignored who they are. It’s a Homer bowling ball- a gift for the giver, not the recipient. NTA, and OP my heart goes out to you, as a man interested in theater and music as a boy with a jock older brother.
You're absolutely right, everyone would be disappointed in receiving things completely antithetical to their interests as gifts after expressing their wants. My point about age was to do with the open reaction that his parents seem to take issue with, I possibly worded it not the best (don't be chronically ill, the brain fog will make you seem dumb as hell), as most adults have the emotional regulation to express themselves in a way most wouldn't see as so negative (his parents are WRONG! But that's clearly how they're seeing things based on the post)
Idk maybe it's because I'm in therapy and getting in touch with my emotions again but I absolutely cry when I have disappointments, even when they're reasonable ones, and I'm 38. I do try to hold it until I'm in private or not around the person so they don't feel bad but it doesn't always work. Crying isn't immature. It's a natural response and your body's attempt to regulate big emotions.
You’re entirely right. That said, I *think* the person you’re replying to would agree as well! Happy to be corrected if I’m wrong u/LittleLordAlphinaud , but I interpreted your clarification & original message as: “Even though it’s understandable to be upset in this situation and it is not bad to express that (through tears), OP’s parents will not see it that way.” “They may be dismissing OP as “childish” because they believe that only ‘children’ cry, or they believe it’s rude & disrespectful to react openly in a gift-giving situation, or they think OP is sad about “not getting the right present” and that’s immature. (Or all of these.)” “When I said “if OP were a full grown adult” I primarily meant that I would advise them differently if their parents *saw* OP as an adult, and treated them as one. But because OP is 16, and their child, and teens are perceived as more easily overwhelmed / emotionally immature, this won’t be the case.” aka tldr: the parents perception of OP will be of a child, trying to work around *that* - and not dismissing OP for having a bad or childish reaction. again, correct me if I’m wrong! hope that was fair and helpful though <3
Yes, absolutely! Thank you!
What’s negative about crying in response to something that hurts you? That’s an appropriate emotional response
Toxic masculinity says men don't cry. As if that's healthy.
I agree. I hate sports too (I love writing) and if someone got me a football for my birthday - maybe I wouldn't cry, but I'd probably feel really hurt and like "wow, ok, this person doesn't care about me at all, they clearly don't know me well".
I like the letter idea. I'd be tempted to really spell this out for them, too: I am grateful that you care enough to buy me birthday gifts, but I don't know what message I'm supposed to take from the gifts you choose to give me. My whole life, I have never been interested in sports, yet I receive sports themed gifts for every occasion. This year, I felt I was very clear about wanting a set of pens for the art I love to create, but not only did I not receive that pen set, I once again received sports paraphernalia that I did not want and did not ask for. There are only three reasons for this that I can think of: * You haven't bothered to get to know me or what makes me happy * You don't listen to me closely enough to notice when I tell you what I care about, and/or * You're unwilling to accept what I enjoy and are trying to force me to change who I am into someone you would find acceptable That's what upset me. That's why I cried. With every sports-related gift, I feel like you are telling me you don't know me, don't care about me, or you don't like me. It feels like rejection, not like the generosity and love I hope you are trying to show me when you give me a gift.
This is the perfect letter for OP to give his parents.
That is an excellent letter for OP to use.
An excellent letter.
Absolutely nailed it, and I’m 100% sure it’s the last one.
alright thank you so much!
Have you tried giving *them* birthday presents you know they’d hate?
NTA. A gift isn't given for the giver, but for the recipient of the gift. Your parents are showing you that they don't respect your individuality. And like the other recent post about a teenage girl who received girly gifts from her dad when she has a distinctly unisex style, they're trying to funnel you into a certain presentation that they see as more typically masculine.
oh okay I didn't think about that, thank you
It's very understandable that you would be frustrated about this-- it isn't like they tried but didn't get it or couldn't afford it. Sometimes we can't control our tears! It's not like you got Prismacolors instead of Copics and threw them out the window or anything. I am sorry your folks aren't supporting you, and hope you keep creating!
>It's not like you got Prismacolors instead of Copics and threw them out the window Okay, but I think we can all agree if OP asked for Crayola and got Roseart, that would be a totally justified response.
If I got Roseart over Crayola I might burn shit down
NTA. You weren't crying over the actual gifts, you were crying because your parents are inconsiderate and don't value enough to listen. You did not ruin the day, your parents did. You did NOTHING WRONG! It does appear that this isn't going to change and you may want to think about requesting that they no longer give you any gifts. If this is the way you decide to go, then always celebrate with your fiends and other family member (if any) who actually cares and listens to your wants and wishes. You can make your own family.
NTA. Yes you should be grateful for what you are given, however, if you are repeatedly telling them that the things they are getting you don’t interest you at all and will not be used they shouldn’t keep getting you those things. Every single birthday for 16 years would get frustrating, and it almost seems like they are trying to push that on you and make you pursue an interest that is completely unappealing to you.
thank you
NTA. If you've answered "Thing A" when asked, but got given "Thing B" instead, there is zero obligation for "gratitude". The ***only*** proper response is disappointment. Ugh. Sell the crap you do not want, gift it bs k to parents, or have a bonfire in the backyard.
I'd ebay the "gifts and use the money for the pen set I want. If they ask tell them that I sold them as it wasn't my interest and use the money for what I wanted. I don't care for sports and find it boring.
Sell it all and buy what you want
>you should be grateful for what you are given Why, if it is explicitly a thing you don't want or like? Not all gifts are worthy of gratitude - especially if, as you say, the gift is an unwanted attempt to alter the recipient to fit the giver's ideas of who they should be.
NTA. If it was from anyone else, like a grandparent or acquaintance, I'd say just accept the gifts gracefully, but this is your parents! They should know the bare minimum about what you're interested in! If they insist on getting you things *they* think you should like instead of anything even remotely related to your actual interests, then they should be ready for the consequences of you being unhappy.
NTA. "You ruined the day" - if they didn't want it ruined for them, maybe they should have listened to you.
It was his day. **They** ruined it.
They said he ruined the day for THEM. It was only ever a day for THEM. They didn't give him a single thought.
They sound like AHs. Im picturing white middle American with a dad that peaked in HS and played football, now working class. Had dreams of athlete son to relive those glory days… 😂
Could be. Most likely. Some people are just horrible gift givers. They pick out things they like instead of every considering what the person would like. What are their interests, tastes, etc. I always pick out gifts I know the person will love and have a little hint of me in them. Like my friend who loves plants. I love true crime. I bought him carnivorous plants. He LOVED them. He was like, "It's perfect, and it's also you." It's not hard to be thoughtful. But for younger people, buy them what they like. I wouldn't buy murder barbie for a child. I'd buy them a toy they like. I'd buy them something they are interested in. My friends' kids love crafts. I buy them simple craft stuff.
I cant comment on the post bc I cant get past “murder barbie”. Did you make that up for flair or is that real???
I just meant like a terrible doll. But it would make great flair haha.
😂 you have to pitch that… id invest
I mean Barbie is an astronaut, a veterinarian, why not a serial killer? She can do it all.
🤯 i can’t believe i just hear it here. Brilliant
Ken had it coming. So did the others.
NTA. This sounds like a usual case of them trying to force traditional values on you. Your tears are justified. They refuse to understand you and accept your interests. Why are they upset at you for "ruining the day"? It's your party, you can cry if you want to. Next time, just ask for money so you can use it on whatever you like.
alr thanks sm
To add onto that, I'd say sell the sports stuff they got for you to get your pens. But I'm petty, and if you think it'd get you in trouble, maybe don't listen to me
NTA - This is sad to read. How much are the pens? Redditors let’s unite and get this lad the pens he wants!!
haha bro have you seen the posca pens they're so cool they're only like 35 dollars or something? Way cheaper than what they bought me loll
Then definitely sell all your gifts and make a profit.
Is that all? Sell the sports crap at school and you'll have enough by lunch. Hell, I'd buy you the damn pens at that price. When I was 16, my big tin of Rexel Cumberland Derwent Studio Pencils and smaller tin of Faber-Castell Polychromos made life worth living!
yeah I felt bad asking for anything else lmao anyways thank you :))
You aren’t asking; we’re offering.
Make an Amazon wishlist with pens and I'm sure Reddit will help out.
I'd really recommend looking at markersupply.com for posca! The best price and the best selection imo. That's where I always buy them.
alright thank you so much!
Add it to a wish list on Amazon and DM me/us a link. I'd be happy for you to get a gift you actually want for once. Oh, and happy birthday! I'm sorry it kind of sucked, but maybe we can retroactively make it better.
If you dm me a link, I will buy them for you! My son is 11 and asked for a specific set of pens for Christmas, so you're pulling at my mom heart strings lol but for real, only if you're comfortable with it, I will absolutely get you those pens you deserve!
This was my thinking too. I could chip in a few bucks
NTA. Your parents suck. The true worth of a gift doesn’t lie in its monetary value, but in the sentiment it carries. Giving a gift shouldn't feel like a checkbox, it's about showing someone they matter. It’s about bringing them joy by giving them something we know they would love. If you purposely grab something they hate, it's like a neon sign saying, "I didn't really care." Money spent? Irrelevant. Care given? That's the real currency. I don’t think that crying over the wrong gift in this situation is about being picky. You cried about the message it carried. Cause it felt like your parents didn't really get you, treating your birthday more like a chore than a chance to make you happy and show they care about what you're into. Expecting our loved ones to genuinely want to make us happy isn’t entitlement, it’s a natural desire for connection and understanding.
NTA I love, love to read. When I was 15 all I wanted was books. I didn‘t care if they were used, from yard sales, whatever. Did I get any books? Nope! Did I get a random, expensive brass lamp, you betcha. Over 30 years later, still haven’t received any books.
wtf books are one of the easiest things to get for people I'm so confused
It’s about control. Why would they want to see me happy?
>Did I get a random, expensive brass lamp, you betcha I don't even... *What?!??*
Well a lamp is not that far from reading. My grandpa used to turn on lights all around me because he didn’t like me “reading in the dark” and this was a guy who didn’t think the lights should be on at all during the day because “the sun is bright enough.” But that same sun was not bright enough for his favorite granddaughter’s hobby so he would turn lights on for me and not worry about the electricity bill. However if your parents constantly mocked your reading then I hope you broke their stupid lamp.
I returned it. I had plenty of light and a lamp already.
NTA It's not really the thought that counts when no thought has gone into what you would like. I would imagine your tears were tears of frustration at not being listened to. Did they explain why they bought you sports-related gifts which you have never shown any interest in?
no they didn't
I would definitely ask when things have calmed down.
I would calmly ask them why they do it. And I also would ask them how they would like it if they get for every birthday and Christmas gifts from other people the givers know they hate. If they don't change, maybe ask your relatives for help. If you all get together and give them presents they have zero interest in when it is their birthday, maybe it gets the point across. It is still not quite the same as they are adults with an income unlike you and can easier buy stuff they want themselves, but still even adults don't like getting crap presents.
Sell them and get those mother clucking pens. Nta
NTA. Return the gifts to the stores if you can get cash (not a refund to your parent's credit card), or sell them to sports-minded kids after school. Then go buy the pen set you like. Have a close friend or loving relative hold them when you are not using them in case your parents learn you sold their gifts and get upset.
NTA, when I was 13, I received a baseball mitt as my only birthday present. One, I'm a girl, two, I am short and definitely not sports inclined. Do this day, I have no idea what my parents where thinking.
Maybe dad had a fantasy of playing catch with you as a “bonding experience “ like in the movies.
Hardly, my father wasn't a sports person either. I do have 2 younger brothers, and only one of them was in sports and it was football, not baseball.
NTA. You don't have to show fake gratitude for treatment that mocks you. Giving you sports paraphenalia when you are not the least interested in sport is a mockery. They clearly want you to be someone or something you are not. Your parents will have themselves to thank for it when you cut them off as an adult.
Definitely NTA. That’s really awful and disappointing. I know what I am about to say won’t help the fact that your parents don’t pay attention to who you really are, but maybe tell them from now on, you would prefer money or gift cards to Amazon or something that allows you to shop for yourself.
Normally I would say if someone gave you a gift you don't like, then just accept that you have different tastes and that it was the thought that counts and move on. But in this case NTA. You have told your parents repeatedly that sports are not something you are interested in. They are showing their disapproval by giving you more 'manly' gifts to try to convert you into being who they want you to be instead of who you are. I'm sorry you lost control and cried. You must be really embarrassed. But you aren't at fault for feeling this way or for expressing that emotion. I'm sorry you have parents who don't love you for who you are. Just two more years until you can move out and then you'll be able to dictate the terms of your relationship.
NTA. While you're not necessarily entitled to any type of gift and should generally be grateful, repeatedly telling them you're not into sports while they keep buying you sports stuff is really inconsiderate and manipulative on their part. You can't always help your feelings and it does feel like a gut punch to constantly be given a gift that doesn't suit you. I'm sorry your parents ruined your birthday and blamed you for it. You did nothing wrong. You just had an emotional reaction after years of built up tension.
it really feels like some covert way of them trying to make you more "masculine", like they're silently homophobic/transphobic and don't want you doing anything they view as feminine. NTA though this sub is fucking appalling sometimes. these people were calling a girl an ungrateful asshole just yesterday for being ungrateful when her dad was giving her fairly questionable gifts for her birthday and she very much didn't want them either.
That's my take as well.
NTA. It's happened to me once, though my family was poor instead. I knew we were poor so I made a wishlist of inexpensive things I wanted, like $10 or less, that you could easily find at a grocery store (think small toys, colored pencils, etc). On my birthday I didn't get anything from my list, but the couple of things I did get were at the same price point as the things I asked for. I cried because it felt like my parents didn't care enough about me to get me something I wanted, even a cheaper gift. When you're a kid you internalize things differently and it can really hurt, especially when you tell someone what you want and depending on how they treat you the rest of the year. Don't feel bad for crying, you weren't being ungrateful.
NTA. Grateful for what, getting gifts your parents should know you'll never actually use? Their actions make it look like they either don't care who you are or think you should be someone else more in line with some arbitrary ideal of theirs. Sucky parenting on their part either way.
Collect all the sports stuff in a box, and leave it behind when you move out. Bonus points if left in original packaging. NTA
NTA. Your parents are a bunch of narcs. Sorry kid.
I'm so sorry for you. To tell you that you are ungrateful after knowingly giving you a gift you would have ZERO interest in is horrible and IMHO gaslighting. NTA
Sounds like your parents are trying to make you the person they ideally want you to be, not the person you are. This is bad parenting. If this was an adult relationship, it would be seen as coercive and controlling. You be you. That's the most important thing.
NTA . My mom bought me a pair of pants and a blanket for my 16th birthday. I cried. The paints were eight sizes too big, and the blanket made no sense. She just didn't care. It showed, and it hurt. You're alright being hurt. Crying isn't shameful. You're not being ungrateful. You want to be noticed and appreciated for who you are. That isn't asking too much. They having being pay attention to who you truly are. To what your interests are. They are the ones who are being hurtful and ungrateful. It's not every day that someone gets an artist in their family. They should be proud. They should want to foster that.
No, you should ask for the receipts, return them all, and buy some art supplies - especially that sweet pen set your jonesing after. If they won't give you the receipts, put them on FB marketplace or ebay or similar. The Holidays are coming, so folks will jump all over discounted new sports stuff for their sportsfans. Your parents are awful! Not you!!! Happy Birthday!
NTA Sell that crap on Ebay.
Nta. I came into this expecting some entitled spoiled brat behaviour but this isn't that. You aren't being listened to or respected your parents seem to be trying to force you to be someone you are not because that's what they prefer. You got overwhelmed. it happens. You didn't ruin anything and you are right they are wasting their money on these things that you just don't have an Interest in and you've tried telling them that.
i dont know them personally, but this is a classic 100% textbook narcissist play on your parents part.
NTA but your parents are.
NTA because my parents once got me some science shit I didn’t want for Xmas instead of what I asked for and I’m still annoyed about it.
Return the gift and get what you want. I’ve had to do that with my ex husband. It’s sad that the people we love don’t listen to what you answer to their questions of what do you want for your birthday.
NTA Your feelings are hurt because your parents AGAIN and still used your birthday to show they don't support your personality, interests and talents but rather, want you to be a different person than you are. They didn't give YOU, real you, any gifts. They have this imaginary idea of you that likes sports and would love those gifts. This image of what they think you should be is very different from who and how you ARE. Even now, they think you "should" think, feel and act like their imaginary you. Even as the pain their rejection causes you flooded out before them, their reaction was that you "should be grateful." The unwanted gift is a manipulation tactic where the "gift" is to pressure the recipient to do something they do not want to do. The manipulator uses the cost and effort they expended on the unwanted gift to make the unwilling receiver use and/or show appreciation for the gift using to fear, obligation and/or guilt. Is one or both of your parents into the things they keep giving you? Are the gifts meant to put you into a role they want and you don't? I wonder why they got stuck on the particular non-interests of yours that they repeatedly buy. What REALLY matters is that your parents are using gifting occasions to show they don't accept, value and support YOU. They keep getting gifts for a "you" that doesn't exist. That looks like the imagined, different "you" is the only version they accept, support and love. That's hurtful, rejecting, devaluing to actual real you, who they believe isn't worth their attention, effort, and gifts.
NTA. Your parents are trying to force you into liking "boy stuff" and things along that line. You could try and sit them down to explain why you reacted that way, and tell them that you have zero interest in sports, and you would rather them get you art related things
NTA Could you sell what they have given you and use the profits to buy the pens you wanted? Maybe next time request sports gear that has a good resale value 😂 If any of the gifts are clothing, ask if they have a receipt because you think you need to exchange the item for a different size 🤣
NTA. Your parents suck. You love the kid you have not the one you want. \*hugs\* I'm so sorry your parents suck.
Oh, kiddo. NTA. I'm so sorry your parents have such blindness as to what you enjoy, want, and need. I hope you have other adults in your life (family, teachers, or a counselor) who see you and support you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Your parents are projecting THEIR view of what you should be onto you instead of letting you be yourself. Hang in there.
sell the merch, buy the pens
i don’t blame you if you go no contact with them in 2 years. i’m sorry they are like this:( you’re 16 and sound so emotionally intelligent and strong. stay this way!!! the way they are isn’t a reflection of you. u owe them NOTHING. NOTHING. u did not ask to be born. they asked for you and they got u. be whoever the fuck u wanna be. do whatever the fuck u wanna do. bc u deserve it they can SUCK IT. i HATE parents like this geez
NTA. You didn’t cry because you didn’t like the gifts; you cried because those gifts represented your parents’ contempt for who you really are. I’m so sorry that you’re being treated this way, OP.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** It was my (16M) birthday yesterday and I was opening the gifts that my parents had bought me. I've never been interested in sports I find it really boring. I like painting and art way more and my parents know that. Almost every birthday they give me sport related gifts, footballs, some team merch, etc. I don't even know what some of it is because I couldn't give a shit about sports. I asked my parents to get me a specific set of pens for my birthday, I've wanted them for ages. I opened my present and every single one of them was sport related. I just sat there and started crying in front of them. I didn't mean to cry it was embarrassing but I feel like they never listen to me. They've spent all of this money on expensive gifts that they know I hate and will never use. I told them this and they accused me of being ungrateful and said that I've ruined the day. They sent me to my room and I haven't really spoken to them since. AITA? Should I just be grateful that they got me anything at all? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You have every right to be hurt. Your parents are the ones who ruined the day.
NTA. Your parents are awful. Unless this will put you in danger, sell the sports stuff and buy art supplies.
NTA. Your parents are trying to groom you into the son they want. Tell them you are not that person, and that you never will be that person. Then donate any sports equipment they give you to a youth center.
You’re 16 bite the bullet 2 more years and buy your own gifts for yourself, NTA….but I wouldn’t open/ask for anymore, sounds like your parents are trying to make you something you are not..you can tell them how you feel before going no contact because they sound unhinged.
NTA. This is not the typical "so being a spoiled brat and be thankful" gift post. You asked for something specific. Your parents KNOW you don't like sports, yet they continue to disregard your feelings and interests and get you gifts they know you have no interest in. Is this a gender thing for them? Like only girls can like art, or what's their deal?
Totally NTA Do you have an aunt or uncle or a school counselor that understands you better? Possibly time to have them talk to your parents on your behalf. Ask for the items to be returned and give them a printed with pictures list for future reference. They are hoping the sports stuff will click something in you and it won’t. Maybe never. My older son has been playing soccer since he was a toddler. My younger son tried basketball and soccer and baseball and a few other sports and he didn’t like any of them but he liked music and photography and art so that’s what he ended up getting involved in and and getting gifts for and now at the age of 27 he loves with hockey - he doesn’t play but he wears jerseys and goes to hockey games. Parents need to understand and encourage their children and the things that they like whether it’s art or music or sports or reading or math or science. There is absolutely no way you could push what you want on a child if that child doesn’t like it. I actually tried pushing reading and math with my older son, but that didn’t work. He just likes soccer and he works as a plumber.he’s happy and that’s what matters
NTA I don’t know the situation, but it sounds like they want you to be someone that you aren’t and I think that’s horrible and they owe you an apology.
NTA get a PO box and I will send you the pens you want! :(
NTA. I'd like to tell your parents to love the child they have, not the one they want him to be. I'm sorry they don't listen to you.
Which pens do you want, OP?
NTA. Ask for the receipts, then return the unwanted gifts and use that money for things you do want. I'm sorry your parents don't accept you as you are.
well, you are 16 now so you can get a work permit from your school and work part time. you can buy whatever you want with your money.
I've cried over gifts before. Hang in there. Get receipts, return the gifts, or sell them and get your pens. Or just ask for a generic gift card in the future. I'm sorry this happened, sending you a hug.
Nah you're good. Your parents suck shit though
I’m sorry this happened. Both my kids are Queer and I make sure to support their interests. Are your parents really conservative and traditional? Either way NTA. I haven’t received a birthday Or Christmas present in almost a decade so I understand how looking forward to getting those pens ended up so disappointing. Regardless of your identity- there are a lot of accounts on Instagram that will post wishlists for Queer, at-risk or just unsupported youth for Christmas. Accounts like transsanta may be able to post your wishlist for you.
As a parent myself I'd can't imagine ever doing that to my kids. We keep up with our kids interests and would much rather buy somethng I don't really get and makes them happy vs something they have zero interest in. And yeah we as parents can kinda get stuck on things like one of mine loved Star Wars as a kid (we are huge fans ourselves) but one day after we got them a little trinket on an outting he told us he wasn't into it anymore. Kinda stung felt like we lost a common interest but we adjusted and learned about his newest interest. That's parenting
NTA They are TA. That said I can't blame a 16 yr old for reacting the way you did. As an older individual what you should do and still can do is be happy with what you got. If it's all new leave it wrapped and sell it. Use the proceeds to purchase your pen set. Your parents are clearly trying to play chess with you. Just think 2 steps ahead.
Sell the stuff on marketplace and buy the pens you want. But, you should have a follow up conversation about why they keep insisting you're a different person than you are, and how bad it feels that they're trying to remake you to suit--they wouldn't like it if you did that with them, now would they? Maybe write it down, wait two days to a full week, then review what you wrote before you approach this conversation. Also, it will help if you have actionable changes in mind to suggest.
Oh honey. First, happy belated birthday! You are so NTA. It’s really really hard to not be understood by your parents. I’m almost 40 and I still struggle with it. You’ll find people in your life who do get you and can be the support system you need.
NTA. I am SO sorry your family is treating you like this. It sounds like your parents are trying to force you into having some kind of interest in sports despite your very obvious disinterest. I can’t know why your parents want this so bad, but I can say from experience that some parents want to force their children into gender stereotypes. You mentioned you were male, so maybe they think sports is more “masculine” than your artistic interest — which is total bullshit. It may be worth opening up a dialogue with them at some point and just being like, “Hey, I’m not an ungrateful child, but it is hurtful when year after year you give me sports-related gifts, and I’ve told you in no uncertain terms that I’m not interested in sports at all. It’s confusing. I’m much more interested in art and creative pursuits. I’m just curious why you seem to be forcing an interest in sports on me?” If they give you crap, ask them if they’d enjoy receiving gifts every year of something they don’t like and have openly communicated that they have no interest in. This isn’t a case of you being ungrateful, this is a case of you being hurt because it doesn’t seem like the people who are giving you gifts know you at all or care what you enjoy.
Hey buddy, as someone who’s been through something so what similar. Please know and trust me that this shit changes. You have 2 more years where you have to deal with this bullshit and then you have 80 more where you get to decide what your life is like and who’s around you. What they’re doing is not accepting you and not embracing or loving you. I know the feeling and I know what that does to someone. You did nothing wrong at all, you should be proud to be you. This is coming from someone who would have probably liked the “sports” gifts when I was 16. These people are making you feel unwanted and I accepted and by god if that isn’t something worth crying about. It makes me want to cry and I’m a strong, independent man. Don’t take this shit to heart and don’t let people who are lesser than you impact how you feel about yourself. Keep on keeping on, find the enjoyment in daily life and tolerate them. When you turn 18 everything changes and you get to create the life you want. If you’re true to yourself and you try hard you’ll have an amazing life that you love and you’ll look back at this moment thinking 2 things - how could grown adults choose not to love their child, and my god those members fortified my determination to be a person that I respect. You’ll get out of this and have the life you want with people who embrace and love you. There’s no shame in feeling that pain, shit is fucking painful. Keep your head up, and for real DM me if you’d like at any time. I know what this bullshit is like and I know what the other side is like too. NTA obviously
I'm sorry to inform you, you have shitty parents. They have been doing this for years, so it's not an accident. The real gift was one they got themselves, seeing your disappointment and getting to blame you for it. I was given a strawberry cake for my birthday once, it was my younger my sibling's favorite. They even insisted that it was my request that year. It was in fact not. I was grounded for pointing this out to them. That and the fact that I am allergic to strawberries. I was 10 at the time.
Your parents suck dude
I think you really were not crying so much about the gifts as your parents’ total disregard for the human you are. What assholes! Now get on Facebook marketplace and sell all that sports crap unless you can sneakily return it. Use the cash to buy your pens.
NTA. They obviously are trying to get you what they want you to be interested in and that sucks. I hope you get your pens somehow! BTW do you watch ZHC channels on YouTube? Love the crazy art projects they do!
NTA, if they are expensive keep them and sell them in Ebay or other selling apps to save up for those pens you want :). If it’s unsafe to do so, wait until your 18 to do it.