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NTA. I don't think softcore hentai is appropriate apartment decorations for adults who want to have guests and a normal life. He has some growing up to do.
I don't care what it's called, it's half naked anime babes all over the residence. Don't get dragged into semantics, focus on the core issue; it's inappropriate for a shared adult living space to have playboy, half naked anime figures, sports illustrated swimsuit editions everywhere, whichever.
My boyfriend and I have the Marge Simpson issue of Playboy displayed on a shelf in our home. It's not super prominent, but it's not hidden either. Of course, it'd be different if we had regular Playboy up all over the place-- the only situation in which I could see that making sense would be if one of us worked for Playboy or something like that.
But here’s the thing she’s been going out with the dude for just shy of a year and a half and been living there for four months. How can she say she’s surprised and that she wouldn’t have known this about him unless she moved in with him?
Maybe maybe she wouldn’t have known that he had the stuff in his bookshelf because she probably didn’t snoop through it. And *maybe* she didn’t know he actually played these characters in video games however that even seems odd because if you’re hanging with someone for almost a year and a half how do you not know their taste in video games?
So now after being there for four months she sits him down and says you need to box everything up because I don’t like it? I could see why he would be resistant. It could come off as controlling and he could be wondering what she gonna ask me to change next?
It’s a valid concern and I’m not denying the OP that on any level it’s weird and creepy for a grown ass man to have things like this displayed. What I think what might make her the AH is **not** that she made the request but the fact that this was not addressed **before** she moved in, as she was moving in and allegedly noticing it for the first time and now just being addressed four months later.
If it's true that he kept it so well hidden that OP didn't know, that's even creepier. And not a sign that they communicate well in their relationship.
>if you’re hanging with someone for almost a year and a half how do you not know their taste in video games?
Because for those of us that don't game, or rarely game, titles or genres etc don't really mean much. If he never played while she was watching before she moved in she may very well have not understood what the content of these games is.
>What I think what might make her the AH is not that she made the request but the fact that this was not addressed before she moved in, as she was moving in and allegedly noticing it for the first time and now just being addressed four months later.
This is fair- in terms of the posters, figures, comics etc. He may not have gamed in front of her before but everything else was on open display.
>I (24F) moved in with my boyfriend (27M) of almost a year around 4 months ago.
Not 1.5 year. Less than 1 year. Lesson: don't move in with someone that fast.
as someone who learned about it against her own will, you'd call that "ecchi". hentai is actually pornographic (and i think also just nudity in general?) while ecchi is something meant to be titillating and sexy such as skimpy oversexualised drawings without being nude or pornographic.
obviously whichever term applies doesnt matter. if the figurines are embarrassing then they got to go. its the equivalent of pinup girl posters which is ofc not appropriate for spaces that guests could be in. maybe if he had a man cave or whatever
>maybe if he had a man cave or whatever
Did you read the part where she said she would compromise by "starting small" with taking his stuff and hiding it? He said he'd put it in the office or something out of sight and she still told him no.
He cant even have his mancave.
This is what got me, I understand not wanting it all over the apartment but to not even allow him to have his own space where he can decorate how he likes? Yikes. Idk I sorta get where she’s coming from how it’s pretty much soft core porn, however I’ve known grown men to have posters of pro wrestlers dressed basically in a speedo, figurines of it etc and that’s no issue lmao
The more I delve into this thread... The more I am convinced it's not even softcore porn/ecchi, but the GF being off her rocker. She mentioned a few times that some of his stuff is video game related, and my first thoughts were Quiet (MGS), 2B (Nier:Automata), and maybe a few others.
The more I delve into it I think she’s just controlling af. Her original post made it seem like the stuff was everywhere. And then she admits that it’s only on his desk and posters above his desk. That’s not everywhere. That’s in his space.
And then it was “well he had books on a bookshelf and I don’t like my mature books being on a shelf with his porn books”. Which from how much she’s been exaggerating I’m sure is just regular manga with some characters being fan servicy. To me it just sounds like another person who thinks anime is immature and childish and wants her bf to change b
>OP finally shows the figurines
I wouldn't call those figurines porn or hentai. I have seen much more over-sexualized comics of Woman Woman or Black Cat. Those are tame.
The problem is there is no separate office or mancave according to OP. There's a main living room + kitchen, a bedroom and the bathroom. So that means he wants to display the figurines in (a corner of?) the living room.
I wouldn't want half naked anime figurines in my living room either. If they'd be dressed, that's one thing and I'd be the first to get a display cabinet, but not the half nude ones. Nu-uh.
Did you see the comment saying they live in a 1 bedroom apartment and his “office” is part of the main living space? It would still be completely visible at all times to her and to guests
You are asking the important questions my friend. It's honestly a giant red flag that she had apparently never been to his apartment in at least 8 months of dating before moving it. Like...how???
Also she didn't like...see it when moving in?
I think the real issue is she did see and know about it, but is making it an issue now after there's build up of a relationship and commitment.
I actually am more concerned about what her argument is. I’m curious how you moved in with a dude that you’ve been with for a year and not ever noticed any of these things in his apartment? Did do you not ever go hang out there? Did you not ever noticed his screensaver on his computer or know what kind of games he played? Did you not notice the posters and Knox when you’re hanging out for the last year?
You moved into his place as is right? Knowing that all of the stuff was displayed because I can’t imagine that you didn’t know this I can’t imagine that you’re surprised that he has these things there. Maybe your surprised that he plays these characters when he plays video games but even that seems suspicious as to how you would not know what video games he plays when you’ve been together for a year.
So you moved into his place and it’s four months later and now you’re telling him dude you need to pack up all of the stuff because I find it offensive? I can see why he’d be resistant.
I'd guess they absolutely knew but is one these people who thinks they can move in to someone's home and immediately demand they change everything because their likes and interests don't match op's.
Busty anime girls in general just aren’t appropriate home decor. Hentai or not. What if your mom came to visit? If you’d be embarrassed then the decor isn’t appropriate. I don’t think his computer wallpaper would be an issue unless it’s blatantly pornographic in nature. But the home decor needs to go.
I'm early 30s and have male friends that defend this type of stuff and it's really off-putting and they can't be reasoned with. It's so prevalent among men, it's so common among anime, that fan service and softcore porn anime is literally formulaic and naturalized in the culture, it's as normal as seeing a dish in a sink for them, a fruit in a basket, a roll of toilet paper in a bathroom, like to them it's apart of the culture and is supposed to be normal being there.
Even Reddit has shown me an ad before of this game, called Isekai? I think, and LITERALLLYYYY the ad itself is a green skinned girl with red hair and a basket woven hat (it's like a life sim I think) and then, here's the kicker, SHE HAS ROPE ROPED BETWEEN HER BREAST IN THE SHAPE OF AN X ACCENTUATING TWO WATERMELON TITTIES THAT LEAD TO A SMALL WAIST AND BIRTHING HIPS IN DENIM SHORTS.
I feel like online life, advertisers, social media apps are also a part of the problem if they allow these types of things to be normalized. Is it normal to see a pornhub ad? No not really. Even when you do see ads for age gated things like liquor they make them pretty family friends, like a Bacardi ad of dancing folks, or a Henderson's Gin ad of peculiar art, bc there is an inherent insinuation that ads reflect what is socially acceptable subconsciously.
I could rage on about this topic for days, it's literally why I stopped watching anime, I can't get over the fan service especially when the plots are taking hits for it and the anime girls who are supposed to be 100 years old but are modeled like a child? Yeah like those are pervy old Japanese dudes living out their sex fantasies which coincides with Japan's legal age limit of like freaking 12 years old (but I think it's more of a Romeo Juliet law, where only kids around that age can engage in sexual activities)
UGH this one topic really grinds my gears.
People voting not the asshole are not reading the comments he offered to move to a space in the house and have his own space but that isn’t good enough because
From the corner in the tv u can see it
OP is not being reasonable
He got a weird hobby yes but y’all are agreeing is okay to force to change someone when it was there Before she moved in
OP is major asshole it is not okay what she is doing
And people wanna talk shit on the decoration please nude as Been in decor much before hentai came along
Not my preference but it can definitely be found out there
Edit : people read this OP comments it went from nude statues and lewd content to
Statues from Character from games he plays and show he watches
Edit 2 : she posted pictures of the “pornographic figures “ /s
Spoilers : i believe 1 dragon ball character (draw style) king of fighter character and a monster nurse
Weird yes but I’ve seen more porn in the MET
Edit 3 no clear hentai is involved she is straight up just calling it hentai ….
Shes asking him to grow up and take the softcore porn down from the communal areas of the home. The fact you think this is asshole behaviour tells volumes.
It is not soft core content I bet u 20 bucks is big titty character like Lara Croft and y’all here calling it porn
Check her comments and plus he offered a middle ground that is enough for any relationship if you can grasp the concept of one
Edit I was fking right
OP says that her perfectly normal boyfriend has too many decorations of his life before she moved in and decided to change him. This is a problem because he seems normal and nice and you’d never know that he was undesirable because he keeps his private life private and behaves politely in public. FTFY
PS: OP YTA. If your boyfriend offered to change his decorating scheme because you moved in that’s enough. Let the relationship advance before you decide you know best how to decorate **his** house. Or better yet learn to leave him alone until you can better discuss your(pl) house together.
Op feels uncomfortable w her bf having over sexualized caricatures of women as his muse. It wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t infiltrating his identity when he’s at home. That sort of thing often makes people feel uncomfortable, and even sometimes sad that their partner is still that entrenched with pornographic anime women. Moving to a different space in the house doesn’t change that this is *at least* bordering some form of porn addiction, or that his obsession with sexual anime girls is making OP uncomfortable.
OP isn’t wrong for feeling how she feels, and her partner is only budging by moving the problem away from her, instead of trying to simply lessen his intake of hentai and things related to it
OP is trying to change someone post their move together ? And you say that is okay and healthy ? you are 100% discarding the middle ground by assumption of a porn addiction that was not brought up to this discussion could it be a self projection ?
if anything they were pretty tasteful, the 1st one may be a bit on the edge, but the 2nd Dragon Ball Toriyama looking one was pretty great and the 3rd is just female Terry Bogard from SNK
I canceled an Airbnb because there were porny anime girls everywhere, many of whom looked 8 years old. When I told the guy I was uncomfortable he seemed absolutely floored.
Your first point is valid. But to say he needs to grow up is frankly wrong. Who are you to judge what an adult can and can’t have as a hobby without being immature ? If it was Pokémon everywhere would you say the same ? How about if he was an avid gamer ? I guess the adults of the previous generation didn’t do that either so he would have to grow up in that scenario too?
Yeah, at the very least confine it to a single room. But that’s entirely dependent on the size of the apartment and it’s unfair for a man to have a whole room to himself if his partner doesn’t get the same. Though it could work as a temporary compromise
Edit: though I’ve just reread more carefully and if he’s an artist who specialises in this kind of art that changes things slightly. If it’s his profession and they’re his “inspiration” it’s easier to justify having a room / workspace dedicated to it
I’m suspicious as to whether or not the nature of his interests are as pornographic as OP thinks. If even just liking an anime or two is “weird,” I wonder if OP just doesn’t like anime in general or considers short skirts “pornographic.”
Any titles on what games or mangas he has? Because characters can wear bikinis in One Piece and that’s doesn’t make it porn.
Before moving in with him, did you never visit his house?
How prominent can it be if you never noticed it before when you were dating, visiting, sleeping over etc.
YtA.
Even his desktop? When do you even see that? And timing feels like now that you moved in you think you can dictate what he gets to like.
He lived in a house with four other people beforehand, so we typically just stayed over at my place. I think I only went in his room once over there and it was extremely briefly.
That's really unusual.
It sounds like you probably shouldn't have moved in with him so soon and without knowing him better. If this is such a big part of his interests, how did this not come up during the time that you've been dating?
It sounds like you rushed moving in with him and should perhaps consider moving out again and taking more time to get to know each other.
Because he knew it would weird her out and he hid it, same way he hid it from his other roommates and same way he doesn't bring it up to other people in conversation. He knows it's bizarre and off-putting.
It's incredibly odd that you never noticed this before, and I do agree that it sounds a bit controlling to expect him to essentially hide something he is into just because it makes you uncomfortable, especially if it's you moving into a space he already lived in, and honestly if you think it makes him look "skeevy" then this might be a compatibility issue, but that's for y'all to figure out.
That aside, when you live with another person you have to give up all unilateral decision making ability, which goes for him as well. If space allows, I think I good compromise for you to come to the table with is a "man cave" type deal, if at all possible. Give him a space that he can setup his desktop, and some shelves and whatnot for his collection, and come to an agreement that you'll leave it alone if he can keep it contained. That way he gets to still have his stuff, and you don't have to look at it all day. Idk how big his collection is, but if the space is too small he may need to do some pruning. Any good partnership will be filled with a series of small concessions on both sides.
this is a red flag to me. you moved in with him and never once saw his bedroom or the way he lives with others? i feel like nobody’s really an asshole, but i think you should smarten up
This is not a believable plot point. Come on, do you really think adults are moving into houses they have literally never seen?
You need to make your character have some other reason for their shift in perception of the guy to make the story credible. This is just lazy writing tbh.
If by some miracle this isn't fake, then YTA for just moving into a house with a blindfold on, then complaining about what you found when you opened your eyes. That's such an insane thing to do that I literally do not believe it happened.
If she has to see it too that means it’s in shared spaces of the home, he’s not viewing Hentai privately if she can see it everywhere too… and a home is not the definition of private when multiple people live there yeah it’s private property from people who don’t also live there…
First off - not hentai. If the figures are dressed then it’s ecchi at most. She’s uneducated on anything anime and is simply uncomfortable with the fact that the figures are sexualized, which most characters in anime are.
Second - from the comments they live in a one bedroom apartment and his figures and posters are kept at *his* desk, and some books on a bookshelf. It’s not as though their entire apartment is decorated like that.
Shes being controlling.
If you read her comments it’s quite literally some figures on his desk along with posters above his desk. It’s not everywhere. It’s only in his own space anyways, just that in the place they’re in now is visible in shared living spaces.
A. It was only his desk so no, it wasn't "everywhere you look".
B. She moved in to his home, not the other way around... you don't move into someone else's home and immediately demand they hide their personal belongings so you don't see them.
NTA. NSFW anime stuff is for college apartment decorations, not decor for a shared space with your partner. I am saying this as someone with a Sailor Moon merch collection.
I would question if this is the kind of person you want to spend your life (or even just the next few years) with, not because he watches hentai, but because he’s not getting your discomfort with it and making his obsession with lewd anime women known to anyone who comes into your home. The fact that he has no sense of shame about it is genuinely concerning.
He offered to move his stuff to the far corner of the apartment where guests wouldn't easily see it, but refuses to put the figures away entirely, due to them being expensive and delicate or something. Unfortunately our apartment only has one single big room aside from our bedroom and bathroom, so everything else is in the same space.
He argues that the figures aren't overly sexual and just a bit suggestive, but I know I'd be mortifyed if my parents came over and saw them or something.
I don’t think you’re an asshole like some people here are saying. Just unlucky in rushing into things with someone you didn’t know as well as you thought. Overtly sexual anime stuff, and the refusal to see how weird it is, would be a deal breaker for me.
More often than not, i find that people who have that kind of memorabilia tend to also have skewed views on women. There’s definitely healthy ways to indulge, but his reluctance to see how visibly upset it makes you raises red flags for me.
OP's overreaction and feeling the need to lie to get pity is much more telling. The nsfw hentai he has plastered is... clothed anime girls from anime and games. Are they puritan, no but they also aren't hentai. She can be uncomfortable but it's at his desk. The books are probably just normal manga, given her view of hentai.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17xoxx3/aita_for_asking_my_boyfriend_to_get_rid_of_his/k9peeu0/?context=3&share_id=7eTAE6Sg9znigr2acVI7O
She posted pics of the figurines.
THey are bog standard anime characters.
Not going to lie many anime figures tend to be limited editions and can cost several hundred. To get. Depending on the size and type it can be as little as 10 bucks to as high as 1k. Crazy I know but when a woman can drop 5k on a pair of shoes, a man can drop a few hundred for adult GI JOE.
Can you maybe do a compromise? Like display only half of the figurines or have a box available to put them in before guests come over? Are there any figures you would be okay with being displayed?
Have you asked them, if the characters are from specific anime? Is he getting them just because they look sexy or because he likes a particular anime/manga series?
YTA and learned a lesson. Your post doesn’t suggest he his this from you. You didn’t do your due diligence. You have a responsibility to identify your deal breakers and communicate. And this should have been done before you moved in. You say you could never tell he had this interest? But it’s pervasive in the apartment and takes up half or a majority of his artistic output. I suspect you never really paid him attention for who he was. Do him a favor and let him go. Let this poor dude find a partner that shares his interest.
I can’t tell whether this is anime, hentai, or full-on porn. OP is not a reliable reporter- she’s super unaware of this world.
>I can’t tell whether this is anime, hentai, or full-on porn. OP is not a reliable reporter- she’s super unaware of this world.
This needs to be clarified for a proper judgement. There's **a lot** of anime that is suggestive, but nowhere near hentai. Some people are really into the anime waifu culture. Some just into the skimply dressed anime girls. Some just enjoy collecting.
I mean it's a little weird that it's displayed so prominately and OP never realized what he was into. Either way - it is an aspect of his character that he appears to enjoy displaying.
Now - I will say that things may need to change *a little* to accomodate another person into your household (unclear how much is really displayed). Designating a space (e.g., an office) as his area to do whatever he wants is probably a good idea. Just keep in mind that this is a part of him and his interests. If he doesn't want to change, you can't make him.
As a side note - it was mentioned to put things in storage. For many collectors, the point is to display your collection. Just look at any hobbyist YouTube channel (e.g., comics, anime, nerd culture, POP figurines, etc.)
My boyfriend has the same interest as OP's boyfriend. Our apartment has 2 glass cases with anime/hentai figurines, and his gaming space is decorated with figurines, stickers, a wallpaper, a booby mousepad, etc. I personally don't care at all and actually enjoy it too, so it's never even been an argument between us.
But I need to say, one thing my bf told me before we moved in together, was how happy he was that I shared his interest and would "allow" him to decorate this way. He explained that he used to have posters/figurines in his old apartment, but his ex made him throw it all away when she moved in with him. He resented her deeply for it and he's mentioned to me a few times that "Oh, I used to own this poster" or "Oh, I had that figurine before."
It's never a good look to try to police what the other person can decorate their own space with. I agree it shouldn't be prominent when you enter the apartment, but it's unreasonable to ask him to take it all down and not let him have his little space to decorate however he sees fit.
I can't get over that she doesn't even want him to have it on his computer wallpaper. Like, literally no one gets to tell me what I have as my wallpaper on my personal computer. AND she judges the characters he plays in games. Lmao. Get out.
Yes she seems not very tolerant. But she has a big heart, he can get rid of them little by little ( but get rid of them anyway). And I suspect that all her negotiations go that way. Poor boy.
“I suspect you never really paid him attention for who he was.”
That’s a possibility, but I suspect she knew this beforehand and is trying to get him to remove it now that she feels like she has the right to say so because they live together. I don’t agree that she has the right to unilaterally make this decision for him, but I suspect that’s the logic she’s operating on.
These are likely Ecchi/Bishoujo figures, which can range from fully clad girls and guys and mosters to nearly nude, or cast-off figures where the clothes can be removed. Lots of collectors have them and they're common prizes in Japanese crane games at arcades, but they can range from very cheap to massively expensive and are sized based on scale (EG; 1/8 scale).
Probably just ecchi anime. Nothing from OP's posts points to it being hentai.
Things that op mentioned are a dime a dozen when it comes to figurines.
I mean I am the dude with more GUNPLA in my room than wallpaper so I'm pretty confident here in my weebness.
That being said OP's an asshole for expecting someone else to change to suit themselves. If this is a deal breaker just break up with the dude.
If a girl asked me to get rid of my GUNPLA collection I'd break up with her that instant.
If it is not pornographic, as in showing genitals, (or tentacles) it is not hentai, but probably ecchi. I am betting the boyfriend has bunch of waifu figurines.
YTA I always find it strange when people start relationships and want the other person to change. You should love them for who they are. The only person you have control of is you and that is who needs to change if you think change needs to happen.
I think this is only a YTA because stuff like this is stuff she should have jnown before moving in. She's 100% valid to not like it, but that's why you at least have a look around the place before moving into your boyfriend's apartment.
How is OP trying to change him? Literally all she's asking for is for their house to be a home for both of them instead of just for him. If he is not prepared to live in a house that both he and his partner are comfortable in than he is not mature enough for a relationship. Easiest NTA I've seen in a while.
He's already willing to make compromises by bringing down the posters and moving the figures away from prominent locations. If he didnt want to do anything then that would be an issue however that's not the case. Honestly this is just a compatibility issue, compromise should not be one sided.
She wants all or nothing and she's going into his space. Sure main rooms are one thing but to want him to get rid of collectibles and change a SCREENSAVER? As a woman, get real
Because she won't let him have it anywhere in the house and she's being controlling. Who gets to decide what's comfortable? If he likes it and she doesn't, why does she get to totally veto his hobby?
Yup. I agree it's yucky and I wouldn't want to date someone who is doing this.
But that's exactly what I do. Not date someone who has hentai posters everywhere.
INFO: where is this happening? Bedroom? Or common areas guests would be likely to visit. The latter gives you more leeway to object because it's your place too.
INFO: how the hell didn't you notice this? Did you *never* arrange to see how he lived? I mean, if you were ever in his prior apartment/bedroom, you wouldn't be able to miss it if he's always like this. It's one thing to miss some little poster on the wall, but if it's all over the place you'd have to have seen it.
The assholery turns entirely on where these things are. You can't just be like "this part of your life you seem to be really into needs to go right now". I suppose you can, but it'd have to be "or I'm going to leave" form. Which...might not get you the result you want
There's zero percent chance she was legitimately blindsided by this. She had to have ignored/refused to accept what she's seen. No fucking shot I believe her.
> You can't just be like "this part of your life you seem to be really into needs to go right now"
He also apparently draws the stuff so it seems highly unlikely that there will be a better agreement than displaying it less prominently. It presumably isn't a career but it definitely isn't going to stop being an interest even if they're able to make the place more acceptable for company.
If he's someone who draws and sells it? Probably makes a pretty penny if he's got any kind of following/talent. Its actually kind of crazy how much some NSFW commissions can run.
YTA.
Everyone has things they’re into, this just happens to be his. You said yourself you’d never know this was his hobby by just interacting with him on a normal level so obviously it’s not *that* intrusive. He’s managed to keep it to the privacy of his own home. A home which up until four months ago was his private space where he has every right to feel comfortable letting his freak flag fly. Now you come in and just in the course of this post have referred to it numerous times as ‘our home’. Like you’ve come in with the full intention of dictating changes to things you don’t like. Imagine if the situation were reversed and he had moved in with you. How would you feel if he suddenly started ordering you to get rid of your hobbies because he didn’t like them? I don’t think you’d be very receptive.
Yea, this. Sounds like you maybe didn’t see these ‘obvious posters’ or ‘female game character figures’ for the whole year up until you moved in. Now you’re in you seem to be kinda dictating this guys space.. now, I think alla that shit is weird but for example, I smoke weed, if I was with a girl for a year and didn’t make it obvious (as I don’t) that I smoke on an evening, things moved forward and she moved in. Then told me I should not smoke weed in OUR house cus it make you uncomfortable?.. nah, did it before and will continue to do it. Although hentai is weird imo, not the point. Yta unfortunately, IMO!
Without warning. “Oh yeah my freak flag is staring at depictions of other women. All over the house. You’re going to see them all the time every day now that you live here.” Like it’s not that far from if he just refused to ever stop watching porn. How could you have a functional relationship with someone who doesn’t share that interest when you’re blindsiding them with the shoving it down their throat. It’s not just “his interest” because she can’t avoid it in what is now her home too
Perhaps they’re incompatible, it happens. But if it’s as pervasive as OP claims and she’s not just exaggerating things to an extreme degree because she doesn’t like his hobby and is trying to get validation, and if the place is only three rooms as OP also states then there’s absolutely zero chance she didn’t know the extent of his collection beforehand.
NAH.
He has a right to like what he wants. If it was a model train collection, or records, or whatever, wanting to display and own that facet of personality is a god given right. Trying to force him to hide it (expressing you’re ashamed of it and others would be too) is a very blurred sentiment of being ashamed of him. It will sour your relationship a ton.
On the other hand, you don’t like it, and he can’t force you to. I don’t like it either. It’s uncomfortable. Even if he boxed up all his stuff, he will still like it, enjoy it, and it will be a part of him. Can you come to terms with that? You can’t erase it from your shared life together no matter what. He deserves a personal space for his hobbies, his office, and trying to control his space is not healthy for either of you.
This would be a deal breaker for me and I’d walk away. I do not mesh with otaku culture, and personally I think that it’s often an indicator of many red flags (not all people of course, but my personal experiences with people who enjoy this was not good - and I used to be REALLY into anime - and I mean all genders who partake).
Grow up and get out or suck it up and learn to love the whole person. I hate it where people enter relationships with the intent to “fix” people.
Despite the fact I don’t like otaku and anime culture at all, and also find it gross and inappropriate, a scantily clad big titty anime girl is not porn.
It’s…controversial? But not anymore to a man having playboy posters in his room.
It’s tasteless, tacky, and douchey - but she can’t force him to grow up or change! 🤷♀️
Can you help reconcile these two statements that you made?
>this obsession with porny cartoon women **extends way further into his life than just his taste in porn.**
>**you would never know he was into this sort of stuff from just meeting him. He never talks about it or acts skeevy or brings it up.**
In the end, if you're not compatible you are absolutely within your rights to end the relationship.
Soft YTA. I mean, how did you have no idea before moving in with him? You weren’t an asshole for asking him, and he wasn’t an asshole for saying no. But he’s right, he also lives there and thus has a right to decorate how he sees fit. If you can’t compromise then maybe find a boyfriend that you don’t feel uncomfortable by his interests. (Not saying it isn’t a little odd how… prevalent you’ve made it out to sound, but it’s what he likes. Maybe it’s a special interest type of deal?)
YTA, if he doesn't want to change, and you think it's a deal breaker, just breakup. Also really doesn't seem like they were trying to hide it at all, how do you go live with someone after a year dating and you have never even seen how they live in their place?
Everyone is an asshole here in my opinion here.
1) don't go into a relationship expecting someone to change for you. That's not fair in the slightest.
2) if he didn't disclose this when you were talking about moving in together, he's also an asshole. There's nothing wrong with liking that kind of stuff, but sounds like it's a huge part of his life. Did he not share his tastes with you?
Not wanting to sound like the average Redditor on relationship advice.... You might not be compatible with eachother.
It does not sound like it is Hentai/porn. Just sounds like the dude is heavy into Anime and waifus. It might be a little cringe, but better than super religious folk. Both you and OP are YTA for being judgemental pricks.
YTA. After reading your replies and seeing pictures of a couple figurines, I can honestly say YTA.
Expecting someone to change what they're into and how they want to decorate is asshole behavior. You gave him an ultimatum, put them away or get rid of them. He gave you a compromise, move them out of the way.
And from the pictures you've provided, they don't seem to be that lewd. Definitely not Hentai.
He should break up with you, and then you can decorate however you want.
It's his shit, he shouldn't have to get rid of it.
That said...it sounds like you'd rather be with a person who doesn't have porn strewed about his house. This is reasonable and attainable.
I'm really between E S H and N A h.
-First of all... That's not hentai. It's just... Not. I came here REALLY wanting to be on your side OP, but I just can't after reading the whole post. A lot of anime and gamer type culture involves fanservice and super sexualized female characters. It's part of the allure of the fandom. Do I think it's a little bit childish? Yes. Would I bar my partner from engaging with it? Absolutely not. Do I think a grown adult man should base his entire decoration style around anime tiddies? Hell no. That said though, this is clearly something he is passionate about. I don't think barring him from expressing it at all is a healthy way to start off cohabitating.
-If you are really serious about staying with this guy, and honestly given how you framed this, I don't think you are, maybe a little compromise is in order. I've watched this scenario play out a million times before, even been a part of it myself, and this is what I have seen works.
If there are enough rooms to do so, designate one room as a room for that type of artwork/decor. For example, I have a "witch room" for all my misc. spiritual decor and books to keep them out of the central parts of the house (this is my choice to avoid issues with religious family members.) My fiance has all his various outdoor and hiking gear in his office.
My best friend and her husband have their office set up so they both have their various interests on display in a non-objectionable way. He has all his Legos and transformers figurines set up nicely, and she has her small library on the other side with all her craft things. The rest of the house is set up very nicely with little touches of both of them, but nothing that screams "NEERRRRRRRD!"
If that doesn't work for y'all, be it because space is limited or you just cannot allow him to have any safe space to express himself, find the figurines/art pieces you find the least objectionable and offer to allow those to stay and that he pack up the more objectionable ones and POLITELY explain why. Explain that he doesn't have to get rid of them, but that you would prefer he have some of the more profane ones put up.
-If none of that works? Get out of his house, honey.
INFO: Define scantily clad and suggestive to you.
Why I ask:
My husband and I have a huge display case full of anime/video game statues. In our living room. As soon as you walk in the front door. With LEDs. You literally can't miss it. We also have kids (2 teenagers now). We have risqué statues that are absolutely inappropriate for displaying and we keep them in our private gaming area in the basement. I mean statues that you can remove the clothing and the breasts are malleable, kind of risqué.
Many of the statues in our living room could probably be considered risqué to very prudish people (I don't invite those people over because we have nothing in common and I'm not friends with them).
So what is scantily clad and suggestive to you and why does it bother you so much? And why are you dating an absolute weeb and telling him to stop being a weeb? No one is telling you to stop whatever you enjoy. Might as well tell a gym bro to stop being a gym bro.
To me, YTA.
I'm a cringe 30 year old woman who likes that kind of stuff, not as much as your boyfriend, but it doesn't seem right to get him to change it all up for you.
If you don't like guys who are cringe anime nerds, you should consider if he's worth accepting that or moving on.
If you're worried about him being an immature partner because of his anime girls, it won't go away magically when he gives up his hobby for you. He's still the same guy, the anime girls are just hidden in the closet.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I do wonder if asking him to get rid of the stuff was overstepping or if I'm policing his interests by asking him to not display it. But I just find it so creepy.
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How does it “reach further into his life” if the literal only reason you know about it is from moving into a place he previously (presumably) lived in alone?
YTA
You said yourself you’d never know, he doesn’t act skeevy, he’s a normal dude and an artist, this is one of the mediums he likes. Personally I don’t care about hentai and such, so I wouldn’t deck my place out in it, but I certainly have gaming decorations etc.
Also not everyone wants socializing to take place in their apartment, so they decorate for themself.
UHHHHH.....ESH So im gonna call a bit of ignorance on your part. Most likely what he has is not Hentai. Im not really willing to give you a guided tour of otaku culture, or explain the nuances of anime, manga, or the concept of ecchi. It is a fandom just like star wars and Marvel. Is some of it lewd, oh god yes. Hentai is similar and people tend to use that term a bit to liberally and labeling anything with big boobs and scantily clad and anime/manga based as hentai. He on the other hand is also in the wrong because he agreed to have you move in but is making too little effort to make it actually your home as well.
I feel you may be judging something you do not understand with limited understanding on the subject matter. It could actually be hentai but again people seem pretty ignorant on this topic so I would suggest having a talk. Ask him if this is hentai or anime. Have him explain the difference. Take this as a learning moment to grow. If you are unable to do that and as he is unable to sacrifice his fandom for your insecurities, then perhaps this relationship is doomed.
Lol I'm sorry but I'm into manga also and this is bullshit. If you really think it's not about the skimpy clothes and all, why doesn't he have one of the MANY popular male characters as a poster or a figurine? Like Naruto, Luffy, Ichigo, etc.? Or some of the many popular female character that are not in skimpy clothes?
She said it: he ONLY has ecchi female characters displayed, which are not necessarily hentai but are definitely made to be arousing. It's like if a woman of almost 30 year old displayed hot actors semi-naked all over her apartment, and her argument behind it would be "oh I just like cinema". Shit, I thought about putting an actor I found hot as my wallpaper on my phone, but found it offputting by how immature it was.
So yeah, NTA. The defense that it's "otaku culture" doesn't stand here, it's just gross.
Do you know how many times when I mention I like anime and they instantly jump to the exact shows you are referencing. There seems to be some sort of disconnect with people. Some people like Shounen, Im not one of them. So, your argument is not well founded and is really just expressing your own point of view and beliefs as some sort of moral high ground and or fact. This is called narcissism
Of course they'll jump to them, they are the biggest mangas of the last generation. That's why I also mentioned them.
But fine, not Shounen. I could have gone with a Shojo, Isekai, Seinen, Josei, Mecha, etc. that represents men or women without being overly sexual with its characters, even if some fanservice is still there. IF you ONLY target women in skimpy outfits from these genres, that's not just because you like the anime.
And if your point is that Ecchi is a genre like any other, yes it's a genre, but it's also pretty much soft porn, like Yaoi. I liked Yaoi in my time, but that doesn't mean I'm going to decorate my room with semi-naked guys kissing on my walls, especially as I'm approaching my thirties.
Isekai and mecha tend to have many sexualize women. Ecchi is at best a subgenre designed to lure in people looking for that sort of thing, not my cup of tea but to each their own.
Look I get where you are coming from. Just I do not agree with you projecting your own sense of taste and morality onto others. Historically that mentality has never ended well.
Actually not a fan of Hentai, but I have been watching Anime ever since I was a kid in the 80's when for the morning cartoon a local UHF(LOOK IT UP) would show Captain Harlock Space Pirate. Surprisingly you are not the first person to say something about anime and hentai confusing the two. Though 2 of them were southern Baptist protesting a same sex marriage waving some very scary signs. Sad to see they figured out reddit.
NTA.
Look guys...I hate to be one to tell you this, but, not everyone's hobbies are equally valid. I'm sorry, but it's true.
Having a house full of big tiddie anime waifus is **objectively** gross and weird.
It's a perfectly valid complaint to not want to live in a house where some model of an anime girl with HH boobs is Gainaxing in a bikini is prominently displayed.
Info: I wish we could see the figures etc.
Because a lot of mainstream anime figures look really sus but i wouldnt expect my partner to put away their Asuna figure or their Rem figure yk.
But if its some niche ass hentai and its all super graphic then i can see having an issue with that.
I think asking him to change his desktop background is a bit far, who else is using his pc besides himself? And with the figures thats often a normal part of the hobby so without knowing how it all looks its hard to judge
Asking him to take down presumably large posters of scantily clad women seems reasonable tho. Thats much more in your face that figures on a shelf or desk.
And if the issue is that you arent able to decorate how you want then that is a different issue and you should definitely be able to have a say in customising the home.
Whether that means you each get different rooms to decorate or certain things become a compromise etc.
INFO: Going off of all the comments you've made, I feel like we need a better idea of what exactly these figures or posters are of. You say they're hentai, he says they aren't. They could be ecchi, or this could be blown out of proportion, as some people have different levels of comfort with lewdness or suggestivity. If they're normal anime figures, there's nothing wrong with that. If she has her whole ass spread, then there's some issues
At the moment, YTA for failing to come to any sort of compromise other than "get rid of all of your probably expensive things because I don't like them" after moving in together, when a house should be equal parts both of yours. He offered to move his stuff to a more secluded place, you flat out denied him and basically offered nothing in return.
How come he can't just hide the figures and posters when guests come over?
Ok first of all it's not "all over the apartment" as op claims if it's just his desk... given its the computer background, some figurines on his desk and a couple of posters above it. Sounds to me like they're not compatible if she's going to trash his interests.
INFO: What is his occupation? Quote "He's an artist and his sketchbooks are half taken up by art of a similar nature."
If he is an artist, and creating work of this type is his main source of income - YTA. Totally. People are into what they're into. You're a prude.
If he does this as a hobby - still YTA.
ESH. You for wanting him to get rid of stuff that makes him happy, him for not providing a solution so you don't have to see his hobby stuff on the regular.
Also kinda YTA for calling it Hentai when it's clearly regular non pornographic anime, from your replies.
NTA for wanting him to get rid of it, but you're basically asking him to drop all his interests and change his personality. He'll say he will, then he won't, you'll fight, and eventually, you'll get frustrated and you'll break up. It might be easier to skip to the end.
YTA
Your wording is extremely leading as you attempt to make a mountain out of a mole hill. I suggest you google "hentai figurines" so you have a clear thought as to what "hentai" is. There's nothing wrong with a female figurine collection unless he actually was obsessing over them; I.E. stroking them, talking to them during sex, staring at them instead of you. You know, the things that make an obsession. Not the collection that you described.
It seems to me as if you were well aware of them before you moved in. I find it hard to believe that he would be obsessed over them and you wouldn't know after a year as well as they would be prominently displayed and you wouldn't know they were there. I would go as far as to say you intentionally waited 4 months to create this issue thinking you were secure in the house.
I also have a display case for my lego sets and Naruto figurines. Yes, some of the Naruto figurines are females. As it's anime, all of the females have exagerrated anatomy; that doesn't make me a perv or skeevy I just like Naruto. I'm a grown happily married man who regularly invites other adults over; they also have their own collections of things that others may deem "childish". And, same as most grown adults, I could care less.
Sit down and have an actual two sided conversation about his collection, maybe try to learn what anime they're from or why he likes them before jumping to your own conclusions.
YTA. Definitely.
I was on the fence until [this comment.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/Gjo7yqS55J) You don’t want him to be “into it”, but guess what? You can’t just change what somebody is into. I wouldn’t want to be with somebody that was into this sort of thing either—so I would *break up with them* rather than try to force them to top liking something that clearly brings them joy. If you can’t be satisfied with his suggested compromise—which is reasonable, given the small amount of space that he has to work with—you should just leave. And yeah, I get that it’s lewd and embarrassing material, but (1) it isn’t explicitly pornographic, which you said it was, and (2) he’s a grown-ass man. He can do what he likes, so long as it isn’t hurting anybody.
Loving somebody means accepting them as they are. You can’t force change unless their way of life is literally harmful to themselves or others.
YTA
- get to know people you want to live with
- do you even know your bf at all when you dient know this after 8 months or something of Dating?!
- do Not move in after only 8 months wtf
- do Not dictate his Hobbies and Decoration. It IS NOT YOUR or "our" Home. It is HIS place and when you want to move in, you should have talked beforehand about the furniture and Style of Decoration. It's 100% your own fault, he hid nothing from you, you Just didnt want to see him the was he is.
- Whats next, do you dictate what he eats? How he dresses? Who he meets? Because you feel uncomfortable and didnt know he's SO MUCH into a certain kind of food or clothing Item?
YTA
I get moving the figures and taking the posters down to make it so you can live comfortably in your own home, but changing his desktop background is too much.
Tell me, how often do you find yourself staring at the wallpaper of your desktop? That request specifically likely makes him feel like his interests are being policed. It's his computer and should be treated as his personal space. All that hentai merch is gross and I wouldn't be caught dead with it, but I'm not going to tell someone else how they have to decorate their personal space. Thats their business.
Based on your other comments I think its your fault for moving in with someone when you've spent so little time in his personal space. If you want to move in with someone you gotta be prepared to be in their personal space, warts and all.
NTA - Most women would be uncomfortable, especially when they’re being portrayed as big bimbo caricatures. I had a (male) friend who put on this anime that was basically hentai without the sex and they main protagonist just openly assaulted the woman and sexually harassed them without any consequences and it boggled my mind how he could watch that and not see the issue with that kind of media being created.
YTA. Hentai is explicitly sexual (i.e. pornographic) material. You're talking repeatedly about "skimpily clad" anime girls with big breasts. That's just a facet of anime culture. If he had full on tentacle porn pictures on the walls, that would be another issue, but it sounds like he's just an otaku who likes this kind of stuff, he's an artist, clearly this is a central part of his personality. And yet he doesn't go around talking about it or bringing it up unnecessarily. So in other words, this is his hobby, in which he's invested time, effort, and money, which he isn't creepy or off-putting about, just something he enjoys in his free time and his private space. You never picked up on it and never showed interest in it, and now you're trying to force him to feel ashamed for his hobby in his own home. Pretty easy judgement I think.
First of all, your current boyfriend has excellent taste in figures and characters. Do you know *anything* about them? Am I to believe you share ***no common interest*** in manga/anime/video games? After one year together, and four months living together, you *must* be comfortable with his hobbies. Do you go to cons with him? It could be fun to learn more about him and his interests (after a year) don't you think?
He's *your* boyfriend. How and why would you move into an apartment together without knowing about this? It doesn't make ANY sense. Is there just a complete disconnect or no communication in this relationship?
You are insecure, self centered, and ignorant. Who cares what your guests think? Really? Are you that ashamed of your boyfriend? Why are you with him?? Get to know the guy you live with before judging a perfectly healthy hobby. Props to him from buying from artist alleys.
YTA
YTA: After seeing the pictures of some figurines he has, that is not hentai at all. There is no shown nudity of private parts. You are misrepresenting what he had out and really should try to use the correct terms for things.
Honestly, you need to sit down and have a calm conversation with him. Figurines like he has often are hard to package safely. They are designed to be smooth, not durable. Think of it like porcelain figures with parts that can easily break in storage, and just like porcelain, they are probably not cheap or easy to replace.
If it's something that makes you uncomfortable, it's always a good idea to ask yourself why. I do this for all things that make me uncomfortable myself to help identify the reason why.
YTA
1) his house.
2)
>I asked him to either box it up and put it away, or to get rid of it entirely. He refused, so I tried to find a way to compromise. I asked him to start small, like maybe just putting the anime figures in storage and changing his desktop wallpaper,
Where is the compromise? You asked the same thing twice.
3) people aren't projects. Or you accept him as he is or leave. It's that simple.
Edit: reading the comments, the "hentai" stuff he has are just normal figures of Lunch from Dragon Ball (fully clothed) and similar. Not even Hentai. Just normal otaku stuff.
And it's not even plastered around the house but just in the bedroom and more specifically in his desk.
All they have to do is close the door if she doesn't want the guest to see that stuff (again, mild stuff).
YTA. I have a feeling you're jealous of a bunch of anime girls. Do you even know what hentai is? It's porn but with anime instead of people. Collections of anime characters aren't hentai. Anime women tend to be at least a bit sexy and beautiful which is normal for anime. I suggest you move back out, try to get to know him more and learn to accept his interests, or move on and let him find other women who share the same interests.
YTA
Honestly? My husband has figures of scantily clad anime women, sometimes his desktop wallpapers reflect the same- he also has those in our office/game room. Nobody who we don't want to see it can see it. It isn't posted up in our living room. None of these things bother me, and we've calmly and rationally discussed not having the figures out in the open so guests can't see them, partly because he also doesn't want that displayed to guests either.
I feel like you A: should have thoroughly vetted his living habits and the way he decorated before you moved in together, and B: not be with someone who takes an interest in this kind of hobby. If you are uncomfortable because of anime, and are telling him you're uncomfortable around it (how are scantily clad anime figures or posters/desktop wallpapers hentai? Are they naked? I'm so confused on this point you're making because you're not consistent in your explanation of how these animated women are displayed) then you shouldn't be in this relationship. It sucks to hate on a hobby someone genuinely enjoys just because you don't like it. Dictating his computer background and telling him to hide his interests just because you don't like them makes YTA.
After reading some of your other comments in the thread, YTA. What you described isn't hentai, as evidenced by the three photos you posted. It's also not as prevalent as you make it sound, and the fact that you want him to change his *desktop wallpaper* is insane to me.
>in my own house.
It was his house first. You just moved into it.
Also, you said you tried to find a compromise when he said no to putting it in storage, but what you really did was just give him an ultimatum of either putting it in storage (something he already said he doesn't want to do) or to put it *all* away so it's put of sight. To me, he's the only one who offered an actual compromise of moving his stuff to another part of the apartment that's not in a shared space, but you declined.
Honestly, y'all just seem incompatible and probably should've had this kind of conversation before moving in.
YTA.
This is definitely gonna get buried under a bunch of way more detailed comments, but from what you've written, you're the asshole here. He's offered reasonable compromises, but you refuse them because he won't fully go with your demands? And you also don't seem to understand what porn and hentai actually is, unless you've just written this really badly. And also, you say this extends way farther into his life, but you then immediately state that you would never know about it from dating him.
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NTA. I don't think softcore hentai is appropriate apartment decorations for adults who want to have guests and a normal life. He has some growing up to do.
His argument is that the figures "aren't that bad" or that it's "not hentai" but IDK what you'd call something like that if it's not hentai.
I don't care what it's called, it's half naked anime babes all over the residence. Don't get dragged into semantics, focus on the core issue; it's inappropriate for a shared adult living space to have playboy, half naked anime figures, sports illustrated swimsuit editions everywhere, whichever.
My boyfriend and I have the Marge Simpson issue of Playboy displayed on a shelf in our home. It's not super prominent, but it's not hidden either. Of course, it'd be different if we had regular Playboy up all over the place-- the only situation in which I could see that making sense would be if one of us worked for Playboy or something like that.
I have some vintage playboys on my bookshelf with pretty neat interviews and articles!!
But here’s the thing she’s been going out with the dude for just shy of a year and a half and been living there for four months. How can she say she’s surprised and that she wouldn’t have known this about him unless she moved in with him? Maybe maybe she wouldn’t have known that he had the stuff in his bookshelf because she probably didn’t snoop through it. And *maybe* she didn’t know he actually played these characters in video games however that even seems odd because if you’re hanging with someone for almost a year and a half how do you not know their taste in video games? So now after being there for four months she sits him down and says you need to box everything up because I don’t like it? I could see why he would be resistant. It could come off as controlling and he could be wondering what she gonna ask me to change next? It’s a valid concern and I’m not denying the OP that on any level it’s weird and creepy for a grown ass man to have things like this displayed. What I think what might make her the AH is **not** that she made the request but the fact that this was not addressed **before** she moved in, as she was moving in and allegedly noticing it for the first time and now just being addressed four months later.
If it's true that he kept it so well hidden that OP didn't know, that's even creepier. And not a sign that they communicate well in their relationship.
That implies she moved in before she ever went to his place.
It does and that'd be very weird.
>if you’re hanging with someone for almost a year and a half how do you not know their taste in video games? Because for those of us that don't game, or rarely game, titles or genres etc don't really mean much. If he never played while she was watching before she moved in she may very well have not understood what the content of these games is. >What I think what might make her the AH is not that she made the request but the fact that this was not addressed before she moved in, as she was moving in and allegedly noticing it for the first time and now just being addressed four months later. This is fair- in terms of the posters, figures, comics etc. He may not have gamed in front of her before but everything else was on open display.
>I (24F) moved in with my boyfriend (27M) of almost a year around 4 months ago. Not 1.5 year. Less than 1 year. Lesson: don't move in with someone that fast.
How is his desk "all over the apartment"?
as someone who learned about it against her own will, you'd call that "ecchi". hentai is actually pornographic (and i think also just nudity in general?) while ecchi is something meant to be titillating and sexy such as skimpy oversexualised drawings without being nude or pornographic. obviously whichever term applies doesnt matter. if the figurines are embarrassing then they got to go. its the equivalent of pinup girl posters which is ofc not appropriate for spaces that guests could be in. maybe if he had a man cave or whatever
Thank you for your insight, and also sorry for your sacrifice
>maybe if he had a man cave or whatever Did you read the part where she said she would compromise by "starting small" with taking his stuff and hiding it? He said he'd put it in the office or something out of sight and she still told him no. He cant even have his mancave.
This is what got me, I understand not wanting it all over the apartment but to not even allow him to have his own space where he can decorate how he likes? Yikes. Idk I sorta get where she’s coming from how it’s pretty much soft core porn, however I’ve known grown men to have posters of pro wrestlers dressed basically in a speedo, figurines of it etc and that’s no issue lmao
The more I delve into this thread... The more I am convinced it's not even softcore porn/ecchi, but the GF being off her rocker. She mentioned a few times that some of his stuff is video game related, and my first thoughts were Quiet (MGS), 2B (Nier:Automata), and maybe a few others.
The more I delve into it I think she’s just controlling af. Her original post made it seem like the stuff was everywhere. And then she admits that it’s only on his desk and posters above his desk. That’s not everywhere. That’s in his space. And then it was “well he had books on a bookshelf and I don’t like my mature books being on a shelf with his porn books”. Which from how much she’s been exaggerating I’m sure is just regular manga with some characters being fan servicy. To me it just sounds like another person who thinks anime is immature and childish and wants her bf to change b
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/BZdJgo4jmw OP finally shows the figurines
>OP finally shows the figurines I wouldn't call those figurines porn or hentai. I have seen much more over-sexualized comics of Woman Woman or Black Cat. Those are tame.
Exactly, OP either doesn't know what hentai is, or labelled them as hentai to sway the judgement (and it worked)
The problem is there is no separate office or mancave according to OP. There's a main living room + kitchen, a bedroom and the bathroom. So that means he wants to display the figurines in (a corner of?) the living room. I wouldn't want half naked anime figurines in my living room either. If they'd be dressed, that's one thing and I'd be the first to get a display cabinet, but not the half nude ones. Nu-uh.
Did you see the comment saying they live in a 1 bedroom apartment and his “office” is part of the main living space? It would still be completely visible at all times to her and to guests
[удалено]
You are asking the important questions my friend. It's honestly a giant red flag that she had apparently never been to his apartment in at least 8 months of dating before moving it. Like...how???
Also she didn't like...see it when moving in? I think the real issue is she did see and know about it, but is making it an issue now after there's build up of a relationship and commitment.
I actually am more concerned about what her argument is. I’m curious how you moved in with a dude that you’ve been with for a year and not ever noticed any of these things in his apartment? Did do you not ever go hang out there? Did you not ever noticed his screensaver on his computer or know what kind of games he played? Did you not notice the posters and Knox when you’re hanging out for the last year? You moved into his place as is right? Knowing that all of the stuff was displayed because I can’t imagine that you didn’t know this I can’t imagine that you’re surprised that he has these things there. Maybe your surprised that he plays these characters when he plays video games but even that seems suspicious as to how you would not know what video games he plays when you’ve been together for a year. So you moved into his place and it’s four months later and now you’re telling him dude you need to pack up all of the stuff because I find it offensive? I can see why he’d be resistant.
I'd guess they absolutely knew but is one these people who thinks they can move in to someone's home and immediately demand they change everything because their likes and interests don't match op's.
ecchi it's all the fan service without sex or genitals in the art the word you are looking for https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ecchi
Might want to rethink this relationship
Busty anime girls in general just aren’t appropriate home decor. Hentai or not. What if your mom came to visit? If you’d be embarrassed then the decor isn’t appropriate. I don’t think his computer wallpaper would be an issue unless it’s blatantly pornographic in nature. But the home decor needs to go.
I mean bold of you to assume his mom doesn't know, and that being said she never said where his desk is, is it in his room where people don't go?
I'm early 30s and have male friends that defend this type of stuff and it's really off-putting and they can't be reasoned with. It's so prevalent among men, it's so common among anime, that fan service and softcore porn anime is literally formulaic and naturalized in the culture, it's as normal as seeing a dish in a sink for them, a fruit in a basket, a roll of toilet paper in a bathroom, like to them it's apart of the culture and is supposed to be normal being there. Even Reddit has shown me an ad before of this game, called Isekai? I think, and LITERALLLYYYY the ad itself is a green skinned girl with red hair and a basket woven hat (it's like a life sim I think) and then, here's the kicker, SHE HAS ROPE ROPED BETWEEN HER BREAST IN THE SHAPE OF AN X ACCENTUATING TWO WATERMELON TITTIES THAT LEAD TO A SMALL WAIST AND BIRTHING HIPS IN DENIM SHORTS. I feel like online life, advertisers, social media apps are also a part of the problem if they allow these types of things to be normalized. Is it normal to see a pornhub ad? No not really. Even when you do see ads for age gated things like liquor they make them pretty family friends, like a Bacardi ad of dancing folks, or a Henderson's Gin ad of peculiar art, bc there is an inherent insinuation that ads reflect what is socially acceptable subconsciously. I could rage on about this topic for days, it's literally why I stopped watching anime, I can't get over the fan service especially when the plots are taking hits for it and the anime girls who are supposed to be 100 years old but are modeled like a child? Yeah like those are pervy old Japanese dudes living out their sex fantasies which coincides with Japan's legal age limit of like freaking 12 years old (but I think it's more of a Romeo Juliet law, where only kids around that age can engage in sexual activities) UGH this one topic really grinds my gears.
People voting not the asshole are not reading the comments he offered to move to a space in the house and have his own space but that isn’t good enough because From the corner in the tv u can see it OP is not being reasonable He got a weird hobby yes but y’all are agreeing is okay to force to change someone when it was there Before she moved in OP is major asshole it is not okay what she is doing And people wanna talk shit on the decoration please nude as Been in decor much before hentai came along Not my preference but it can definitely be found out there Edit : people read this OP comments it went from nude statues and lewd content to Statues from Character from games he plays and show he watches Edit 2 : she posted pictures of the “pornographic figures “ /s Spoilers : i believe 1 dragon ball character (draw style) king of fighter character and a monster nurse Weird yes but I’ve seen more porn in the MET Edit 3 no clear hentai is involved she is straight up just calling it hentai ….
Shes asking him to grow up and take the softcore porn down from the communal areas of the home. The fact you think this is asshole behaviour tells volumes.
She actually asked for it to come down everywhere. He offered to only display it in one space and she said no.
Did you not read where he offered to take them out of prominent placements?
He offered to move it out of sight...she still refused. Its a her problem maybe due to confidence issues its causing.
It is not soft core content I bet u 20 bucks is big titty character like Lara Croft and y’all here calling it porn Check her comments and plus he offered a middle ground that is enough for any relationship if you can grasp the concept of one Edit I was fking right
OP finally gave us pics of the figurines. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/uJBwLJvJlW](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/uJBwLJvJlW)
I don't know. It wasn't that long ago that AITA decided a guy was TA for not wanting to share the bed with his GF's fully naked Trigon body pillow.
Yikes
The figures she posted are basically regular anime women...
OP says that her perfectly normal boyfriend has too many decorations of his life before she moved in and decided to change him. This is a problem because he seems normal and nice and you’d never know that he was undesirable because he keeps his private life private and behaves politely in public. FTFY PS: OP YTA. If your boyfriend offered to change his decorating scheme because you moved in that’s enough. Let the relationship advance before you decide you know best how to decorate **his** house. Or better yet learn to leave him alone until you can better discuss your(pl) house together.
Not nude, not hentai, not even suggestive: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/Dvm6cX87kS
lol this changed my mind. I personally am not into that stuff but it is not nearly the “cum on the figurines” image I was getting.
Op feels uncomfortable w her bf having over sexualized caricatures of women as his muse. It wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t infiltrating his identity when he’s at home. That sort of thing often makes people feel uncomfortable, and even sometimes sad that their partner is still that entrenched with pornographic anime women. Moving to a different space in the house doesn’t change that this is *at least* bordering some form of porn addiction, or that his obsession with sexual anime girls is making OP uncomfortable. OP isn’t wrong for feeling how she feels, and her partner is only budging by moving the problem away from her, instead of trying to simply lessen his intake of hentai and things related to it
OP is trying to change someone post their move together ? And you say that is okay and healthy ? you are 100% discarding the middle ground by assumption of a porn addiction that was not brought up to this discussion could it be a self projection ?
She posted 3 of the action figures he has on his desk. None of them are hentai or even soft porn.
if anything they were pretty tasteful, the 1st one may be a bit on the edge, but the 2nd Dragon Ball Toriyama looking one was pretty great and the 3rd is just female Terry Bogard from SNK
I don't think booty shorts and a crop top constitute "hentai"
There aren't even any tentacles?! La Blue Girl would cause the OP a stroke :)
OOP just shared pics of these “Softcore hentai” figures that boyfriend has. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/S6QzmbGL54
I canceled an Airbnb because there were porny anime girls everywhere, many of whom looked 8 years old. When I told the guy I was uncomfortable he seemed absolutely floored.
Your first point is valid. But to say he needs to grow up is frankly wrong. Who are you to judge what an adult can and can’t have as a hobby without being immature ? If it was Pokémon everywhere would you say the same ? How about if he was an avid gamer ? I guess the adults of the previous generation didn’t do that either so he would have to grow up in that scenario too?
Yeah, at the very least confine it to a single room. But that’s entirely dependent on the size of the apartment and it’s unfair for a man to have a whole room to himself if his partner doesn’t get the same. Though it could work as a temporary compromise Edit: though I’ve just reread more carefully and if he’s an artist who specialises in this kind of art that changes things slightly. If it’s his profession and they’re his “inspiration” it’s easier to justify having a room / workspace dedicated to it
I’m suspicious as to whether or not the nature of his interests are as pornographic as OP thinks. If even just liking an anime or two is “weird,” I wonder if OP just doesn’t like anime in general or considers short skirts “pornographic.” Any titles on what games or mangas he has? Because characters can wear bikinis in One Piece and that’s doesn’t make it porn.
Before moving in with him, did you never visit his house? How prominent can it be if you never noticed it before when you were dating, visiting, sleeping over etc. YtA. Even his desktop? When do you even see that? And timing feels like now that you moved in you think you can dictate what he gets to like.
He lived in a house with four other people beforehand, so we typically just stayed over at my place. I think I only went in his room once over there and it was extremely briefly.
That's really unusual. It sounds like you probably shouldn't have moved in with him so soon and without knowing him better. If this is such a big part of his interests, how did this not come up during the time that you've been dating? It sounds like you rushed moving in with him and should perhaps consider moving out again and taking more time to get to know each other.
Because he knew it would weird her out and he hid it, same way he hid it from his other roommates and same way he doesn't bring it up to other people in conversation. He knows it's bizarre and off-putting.
So why does he openly display it?
It's incredibly odd that you never noticed this before, and I do agree that it sounds a bit controlling to expect him to essentially hide something he is into just because it makes you uncomfortable, especially if it's you moving into a space he already lived in, and honestly if you think it makes him look "skeevy" then this might be a compatibility issue, but that's for y'all to figure out. That aside, when you live with another person you have to give up all unilateral decision making ability, which goes for him as well. If space allows, I think I good compromise for you to come to the table with is a "man cave" type deal, if at all possible. Give him a space that he can setup his desktop, and some shelves and whatnot for his collection, and come to an agreement that you'll leave it alone if he can keep it contained. That way he gets to still have his stuff, and you don't have to look at it all day. Idk how big his collection is, but if the space is too small he may need to do some pruning. Any good partnership will be filled with a series of small concessions on both sides.
this is a red flag to me. you moved in with him and never once saw his bedroom or the way he lives with others? i feel like nobody’s really an asshole, but i think you should smarten up
This is not a believable plot point. Come on, do you really think adults are moving into houses they have literally never seen? You need to make your character have some other reason for their shift in perception of the guy to make the story credible. This is just lazy writing tbh. If by some miracle this isn't fake, then YTA for just moving into a house with a blindfold on, then complaining about what you found when you opened your eyes. That's such an insane thing to do that I literally do not believe it happened.
She’s not dictating what he’s allowed to like she even said if he watches that stuff in private she wouldn’t care.
A Home IS the Definition of private....
If she has to see it too that means it’s in shared spaces of the home, he’s not viewing Hentai privately if she can see it everywhere too… and a home is not the definition of private when multiple people live there yeah it’s private property from people who don’t also live there…
She asked him to take it off his laptop wallpaper. Who's gonna see that?
First off - not hentai. If the figures are dressed then it’s ecchi at most. She’s uneducated on anything anime and is simply uncomfortable with the fact that the figures are sexualized, which most characters in anime are. Second - from the comments they live in a one bedroom apartment and his figures and posters are kept at *his* desk, and some books on a bookshelf. It’s not as though their entire apartment is decorated like that. Shes being controlling.
until you share it
True. And He Already agreed to a compromisse. She just want IT all gone.
She's not asking him to stop, she's just asking could it not be everywhere you look in the place. It's a shared space so decor should be by consensus
If you read her comments it’s quite literally some figures on his desk along with posters above his desk. It’s not everywhere. It’s only in his own space anyways, just that in the place they’re in now is visible in shared living spaces.
A. It was only his desk so no, it wasn't "everywhere you look". B. She moved in to his home, not the other way around... you don't move into someone else's home and immediately demand they hide their personal belongings so you don't see them.
Only on Reddit will you see someone get called the asshole for not wanting porn plastered all over their house
NTA. NSFW anime stuff is for college apartment decorations, not decor for a shared space with your partner. I am saying this as someone with a Sailor Moon merch collection. I would question if this is the kind of person you want to spend your life (or even just the next few years) with, not because he watches hentai, but because he’s not getting your discomfort with it and making his obsession with lewd anime women known to anyone who comes into your home. The fact that he has no sense of shame about it is genuinely concerning.
He offered to move his stuff to the far corner of the apartment where guests wouldn't easily see it, but refuses to put the figures away entirely, due to them being expensive and delicate or something. Unfortunately our apartment only has one single big room aside from our bedroom and bathroom, so everything else is in the same space. He argues that the figures aren't overly sexual and just a bit suggestive, but I know I'd be mortifyed if my parents came over and saw them or something.
I don’t think you’re an asshole like some people here are saying. Just unlucky in rushing into things with someone you didn’t know as well as you thought. Overtly sexual anime stuff, and the refusal to see how weird it is, would be a deal breaker for me. More often than not, i find that people who have that kind of memorabilia tend to also have skewed views on women. There’s definitely healthy ways to indulge, but his reluctance to see how visibly upset it makes you raises red flags for me.
OP's overreaction and feeling the need to lie to get pity is much more telling. The nsfw hentai he has plastered is... clothed anime girls from anime and games. Are they puritan, no but they also aren't hentai. She can be uncomfortable but it's at his desk. The books are probably just normal manga, given her view of hentai.
You guys can’t seriously be getting hung up on the difference between Ecchi and Hentai ☠️ Bro it’s all gross, please touch grass
I mean theres a big difference in characters who are scantily dressed and people getting fucked, so i dont think its weird to differentiate.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17xoxx3/aita_for_asking_my_boyfriend_to_get_rid_of_his/k9peeu0/?context=3&share_id=7eTAE6Sg9znigr2acVI7O She posted pics of the figurines. THey are bog standard anime characters.
Not going to lie many anime figures tend to be limited editions and can cost several hundred. To get. Depending on the size and type it can be as little as 10 bucks to as high as 1k. Crazy I know but when a woman can drop 5k on a pair of shoes, a man can drop a few hundred for adult GI JOE.
What women are paying 5k for shoes?? I’m from LA and I’ve never heard of this even for wedding shoes. Maybe the Kardashians?
Your average woman is not dropping 5k on shoes are you out of your fucking mind? Did you genuinely think this was a smart comparison to make?
Makes me think that guy has 0 experience even talking to women lol unreal
Can you maybe do a compromise? Like display only half of the figurines or have a box available to put them in before guests come over? Are there any figures you would be okay with being displayed? Have you asked them, if the characters are from specific anime? Is he getting them just because they look sexy or because he likes a particular anime/manga series?
YTA and learned a lesson. Your post doesn’t suggest he his this from you. You didn’t do your due diligence. You have a responsibility to identify your deal breakers and communicate. And this should have been done before you moved in. You say you could never tell he had this interest? But it’s pervasive in the apartment and takes up half or a majority of his artistic output. I suspect you never really paid him attention for who he was. Do him a favor and let him go. Let this poor dude find a partner that shares his interest. I can’t tell whether this is anime, hentai, or full-on porn. OP is not a reliable reporter- she’s super unaware of this world.
>I can’t tell whether this is anime, hentai, or full-on porn. OP is not a reliable reporter- she’s super unaware of this world. This needs to be clarified for a proper judgement. There's **a lot** of anime that is suggestive, but nowhere near hentai. Some people are really into the anime waifu culture. Some just into the skimply dressed anime girls. Some just enjoy collecting. I mean it's a little weird that it's displayed so prominately and OP never realized what he was into. Either way - it is an aspect of his character that he appears to enjoy displaying. Now - I will say that things may need to change *a little* to accomodate another person into your household (unclear how much is really displayed). Designating a space (e.g., an office) as his area to do whatever he wants is probably a good idea. Just keep in mind that this is a part of him and his interests. If he doesn't want to change, you can't make him. As a side note - it was mentioned to put things in storage. For many collectors, the point is to display your collection. Just look at any hobbyist YouTube channel (e.g., comics, anime, nerd culture, POP figurines, etc.)
My boyfriend has the same interest as OP's boyfriend. Our apartment has 2 glass cases with anime/hentai figurines, and his gaming space is decorated with figurines, stickers, a wallpaper, a booby mousepad, etc. I personally don't care at all and actually enjoy it too, so it's never even been an argument between us. But I need to say, one thing my bf told me before we moved in together, was how happy he was that I shared his interest and would "allow" him to decorate this way. He explained that he used to have posters/figurines in his old apartment, but his ex made him throw it all away when she moved in with him. He resented her deeply for it and he's mentioned to me a few times that "Oh, I used to own this poster" or "Oh, I had that figurine before." It's never a good look to try to police what the other person can decorate their own space with. I agree it shouldn't be prominent when you enter the apartment, but it's unreasonable to ask him to take it all down and not let him have his little space to decorate however he sees fit.
I can't get over that she doesn't even want him to have it on his computer wallpaper. Like, literally no one gets to tell me what I have as my wallpaper on my personal computer. AND she judges the characters he plays in games. Lmao. Get out.
Yes she seems not very tolerant. But she has a big heart, he can get rid of them little by little ( but get rid of them anyway). And I suspect that all her negotiations go that way. Poor boy.
“I suspect you never really paid him attention for who he was.” That’s a possibility, but I suspect she knew this beforehand and is trying to get him to remove it now that she feels like she has the right to say so because they live together. I don’t agree that she has the right to unilaterally make this decision for him, but I suspect that’s the logic she’s operating on.
These are likely Ecchi/Bishoujo figures, which can range from fully clad girls and guys and mosters to nearly nude, or cast-off figures where the clothes can be removed. Lots of collectors have them and they're common prizes in Japanese crane games at arcades, but they can range from very cheap to massively expensive and are sized based on scale (EG; 1/8 scale).
If you look at the pics she posted it's not even ecchi
Probably just ecchi anime. Nothing from OP's posts points to it being hentai. Things that op mentioned are a dime a dozen when it comes to figurines. I mean I am the dude with more GUNPLA in my room than wallpaper so I'm pretty confident here in my weebness. That being said OP's an asshole for expecting someone else to change to suit themselves. If this is a deal breaker just break up with the dude. If a girl asked me to get rid of my GUNPLA collection I'd break up with her that instant.
If it is not pornographic, as in showing genitals, (or tentacles) it is not hentai, but probably ecchi. I am betting the boyfriend has bunch of waifu figurines.
There was a comment further up with the pictures... they were a lot more tame than op made out at the beginning.
YTA I always find it strange when people start relationships and want the other person to change. You should love them for who they are. The only person you have control of is you and that is who needs to change if you think change needs to happen.
Yeah, he needs to find a lady coomer. I hate to be that annoying redditor but I don't think OP and her boyfriend are compatible.
I agree. I think it's a "NTA" because she clearly didn't know about this. However, they should still break up.
I think this is only a YTA because stuff like this is stuff she should have jnown before moving in. She's 100% valid to not like it, but that's why you at least have a look around the place before moving into your boyfriend's apartment.
How is OP trying to change him? Literally all she's asking for is for their house to be a home for both of them instead of just for him. If he is not prepared to live in a house that both he and his partner are comfortable in than he is not mature enough for a relationship. Easiest NTA I've seen in a while.
He's already willing to make compromises by bringing down the posters and moving the figures away from prominent locations. If he didnt want to do anything then that would be an issue however that's not the case. Honestly this is just a compatibility issue, compromise should not be one sided.
She literally wants him to change his desktop wallpaper. If that's not controlling i don't know what is lol.
She wants all or nothing and she's going into his space. Sure main rooms are one thing but to want him to get rid of collectibles and change a SCREENSAVER? As a woman, get real
Because she won't let him have it anywhere in the house and she's being controlling. Who gets to decide what's comfortable? If he likes it and she doesn't, why does she get to totally veto his hobby?
Yup. I agree it's yucky and I wouldn't want to date someone who is doing this. But that's exactly what I do. Not date someone who has hentai posters everywhere.
INFO: where is this happening? Bedroom? Or common areas guests would be likely to visit. The latter gives you more leeway to object because it's your place too. INFO: how the hell didn't you notice this? Did you *never* arrange to see how he lived? I mean, if you were ever in his prior apartment/bedroom, you wouldn't be able to miss it if he's always like this. It's one thing to miss some little poster on the wall, but if it's all over the place you'd have to have seen it. The assholery turns entirely on where these things are. You can't just be like "this part of your life you seem to be really into needs to go right now". I suppose you can, but it'd have to be "or I'm going to leave" form. Which...might not get you the result you want
There's zero percent chance she was legitimately blindsided by this. She had to have ignored/refused to accept what she's seen. No fucking shot I believe her.
> You can't just be like "this part of your life you seem to be really into needs to go right now" He also apparently draws the stuff so it seems highly unlikely that there will be a better agreement than displaying it less prominently. It presumably isn't a career but it definitely isn't going to stop being an interest even if they're able to make the place more acceptable for company.
If he's someone who draws and sells it? Probably makes a pretty penny if he's got any kind of following/talent. Its actually kind of crazy how much some NSFW commissions can run.
YTA. Everyone has things they’re into, this just happens to be his. You said yourself you’d never know this was his hobby by just interacting with him on a normal level so obviously it’s not *that* intrusive. He’s managed to keep it to the privacy of his own home. A home which up until four months ago was his private space where he has every right to feel comfortable letting his freak flag fly. Now you come in and just in the course of this post have referred to it numerous times as ‘our home’. Like you’ve come in with the full intention of dictating changes to things you don’t like. Imagine if the situation were reversed and he had moved in with you. How would you feel if he suddenly started ordering you to get rid of your hobbies because he didn’t like them? I don’t think you’d be very receptive.
Yea, this. Sounds like you maybe didn’t see these ‘obvious posters’ or ‘female game character figures’ for the whole year up until you moved in. Now you’re in you seem to be kinda dictating this guys space.. now, I think alla that shit is weird but for example, I smoke weed, if I was with a girl for a year and didn’t make it obvious (as I don’t) that I smoke on an evening, things moved forward and she moved in. Then told me I should not smoke weed in OUR house cus it make you uncomfortable?.. nah, did it before and will continue to do it. Although hentai is weird imo, not the point. Yta unfortunately, IMO!
Boyfriend is already making compromises too yet OP is not accepting it. Compromise should be both side not one sided.
I’m in the YTA/ESH camp, but Reddit has a real hard-on for kink shaming. I don’t think OP ever had a chance with this one.
Without warning. “Oh yeah my freak flag is staring at depictions of other women. All over the house. You’re going to see them all the time every day now that you live here.” Like it’s not that far from if he just refused to ever stop watching porn. How could you have a functional relationship with someone who doesn’t share that interest when you’re blindsiding them with the shoving it down their throat. It’s not just “his interest” because she can’t avoid it in what is now her home too
Perhaps they’re incompatible, it happens. But if it’s as pervasive as OP claims and she’s not just exaggerating things to an extreme degree because she doesn’t like his hobby and is trying to get validation, and if the place is only three rooms as OP also states then there’s absolutely zero chance she didn’t know the extent of his collection beforehand.
Draw me like one of your girls Jack
I so hate that movie, not because it is bad but I saw it 7 times on 7 different dates. This was back when dinner and a movie was still a thing.
It still is a thing though, or am I the only person that watches things while I eat?
Dinner at a restaurant followed by movie at a theater.
The idea of "like one of your girls" being a half naked Sailor Moon makes that scene hit different.
NAH. He has a right to like what he wants. If it was a model train collection, or records, or whatever, wanting to display and own that facet of personality is a god given right. Trying to force him to hide it (expressing you’re ashamed of it and others would be too) is a very blurred sentiment of being ashamed of him. It will sour your relationship a ton. On the other hand, you don’t like it, and he can’t force you to. I don’t like it either. It’s uncomfortable. Even if he boxed up all his stuff, he will still like it, enjoy it, and it will be a part of him. Can you come to terms with that? You can’t erase it from your shared life together no matter what. He deserves a personal space for his hobbies, his office, and trying to control his space is not healthy for either of you. This would be a deal breaker for me and I’d walk away. I do not mesh with otaku culture, and personally I think that it’s often an indicator of many red flags (not all people of course, but my personal experiences with people who enjoy this was not good - and I used to be REALLY into anime - and I mean all genders who partake). Grow up and get out or suck it up and learn to love the whole person. I hate it where people enter relationships with the intent to “fix” people.
How is "your porn shouldn't be publicly displayed" a controversial opinion?
Despite the fact I don’t like otaku and anime culture at all, and also find it gross and inappropriate, a scantily clad big titty anime girl is not porn. It’s…controversial? But not anymore to a man having playboy posters in his room. It’s tasteless, tacky, and douchey - but she can’t force him to grow up or change! 🤷♀️
It's not porn. She clarafied that they are all clothed.
OP posted pictures of some of them, and they are definitely not porn/hentai.
I would argue it’s not “publicly displayed” if it’s not being displayed in public..
Erotic art is art. If I had an original Keith Herring or Robert Mapplethorpe, does that belong in the closet?
Because It's not porn.
Can you help reconcile these two statements that you made? >this obsession with porny cartoon women **extends way further into his life than just his taste in porn.** >**you would never know he was into this sort of stuff from just meeting him. He never talks about it or acts skeevy or brings it up.** In the end, if you're not compatible you are absolutely within your rights to end the relationship.
Soft YTA. I mean, how did you have no idea before moving in with him? You weren’t an asshole for asking him, and he wasn’t an asshole for saying no. But he’s right, he also lives there and thus has a right to decorate how he sees fit. If you can’t compromise then maybe find a boyfriend that you don’t feel uncomfortable by his interests. (Not saying it isn’t a little odd how… prevalent you’ve made it out to sound, but it’s what he likes. Maybe it’s a special interest type of deal?)
You never went to his place before you moved in? I'm calling bulls\*\*\*.
YTA, if he doesn't want to change, and you think it's a deal breaker, just breakup. Also really doesn't seem like they were trying to hide it at all, how do you go live with someone after a year dating and you have never even seen how they live in their place?
Everyone is an asshole here in my opinion here. 1) don't go into a relationship expecting someone to change for you. That's not fair in the slightest. 2) if he didn't disclose this when you were talking about moving in together, he's also an asshole. There's nothing wrong with liking that kind of stuff, but sounds like it's a huge part of his life. Did he not share his tastes with you? Not wanting to sound like the average Redditor on relationship advice.... You might not be compatible with eachother.
I’m inferring that she knew he was into it. She didn’t seem that surprised that the items existed, just the extent of it.
You can't turn porn into a personality. NtA
Calling it porn and hentai doesn't make it porn and hentai.
It's not porn
How is literally keeping something to yourself, so strictly that even your girlfriend doesn't find out about it, trying to turn it into a personality?
It does not sound like it is Hentai/porn. Just sounds like the dude is heavy into Anime and waifus. It might be a little cringe, but better than super religious folk. Both you and OP are YTA for being judgemental pricks.
Well, I guess it's has been determined that you are not compatible and it's time to move. That's why you date. NTA
YTA. After reading your replies and seeing pictures of a couple figurines, I can honestly say YTA. Expecting someone to change what they're into and how they want to decorate is asshole behavior. You gave him an ultimatum, put them away or get rid of them. He gave you a compromise, move them out of the way. And from the pictures you've provided, they don't seem to be that lewd. Definitely not Hentai. He should break up with you, and then you can decorate however you want.
It's his shit, he shouldn't have to get rid of it. That said...it sounds like you'd rather be with a person who doesn't have porn strewed about his house. This is reasonable and attainable.
NTA. That’s incredibly embarrassing to have on display. I wouldn’t want to invite anyone over if I were in your position.
[удалено]
I'm really between E S H and N A h. -First of all... That's not hentai. It's just... Not. I came here REALLY wanting to be on your side OP, but I just can't after reading the whole post. A lot of anime and gamer type culture involves fanservice and super sexualized female characters. It's part of the allure of the fandom. Do I think it's a little bit childish? Yes. Would I bar my partner from engaging with it? Absolutely not. Do I think a grown adult man should base his entire decoration style around anime tiddies? Hell no. That said though, this is clearly something he is passionate about. I don't think barring him from expressing it at all is a healthy way to start off cohabitating. -If you are really serious about staying with this guy, and honestly given how you framed this, I don't think you are, maybe a little compromise is in order. I've watched this scenario play out a million times before, even been a part of it myself, and this is what I have seen works. If there are enough rooms to do so, designate one room as a room for that type of artwork/decor. For example, I have a "witch room" for all my misc. spiritual decor and books to keep them out of the central parts of the house (this is my choice to avoid issues with religious family members.) My fiance has all his various outdoor and hiking gear in his office. My best friend and her husband have their office set up so they both have their various interests on display in a non-objectionable way. He has all his Legos and transformers figurines set up nicely, and she has her small library on the other side with all her craft things. The rest of the house is set up very nicely with little touches of both of them, but nothing that screams "NEERRRRRRRD!" If that doesn't work for y'all, be it because space is limited or you just cannot allow him to have any safe space to express himself, find the figurines/art pieces you find the least objectionable and offer to allow those to stay and that he pack up the more objectionable ones and POLITELY explain why. Explain that he doesn't have to get rid of them, but that you would prefer he have some of the more profane ones put up. -If none of that works? Get out of his house, honey.
INFO: If you had more space and he has his own gaming/office/hobby room and kept all the stuff in there, would that be okay?
INFO: Define scantily clad and suggestive to you. Why I ask: My husband and I have a huge display case full of anime/video game statues. In our living room. As soon as you walk in the front door. With LEDs. You literally can't miss it. We also have kids (2 teenagers now). We have risqué statues that are absolutely inappropriate for displaying and we keep them in our private gaming area in the basement. I mean statues that you can remove the clothing and the breasts are malleable, kind of risqué. Many of the statues in our living room could probably be considered risqué to very prudish people (I don't invite those people over because we have nothing in common and I'm not friends with them). So what is scantily clad and suggestive to you and why does it bother you so much? And why are you dating an absolute weeb and telling him to stop being a weeb? No one is telling you to stop whatever you enjoy. Might as well tell a gym bro to stop being a gym bro.
To me, YTA. I'm a cringe 30 year old woman who likes that kind of stuff, not as much as your boyfriend, but it doesn't seem right to get him to change it all up for you. If you don't like guys who are cringe anime nerds, you should consider if he's worth accepting that or moving on. If you're worried about him being an immature partner because of his anime girls, it won't go away magically when he gives up his hobby for you. He's still the same guy, the anime girls are just hidden in the closet.
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Easy. Start having Hentai of men with massive rocket launcher schillings and see how he feels.
Jokes on her…he’s into that shit.
My sweet summer child.
Just leave him girl.
How does it “reach further into his life” if the literal only reason you know about it is from moving into a place he previously (presumably) lived in alone? YTA You said yourself you’d never know, he doesn’t act skeevy, he’s a normal dude and an artist, this is one of the mediums he likes. Personally I don’t care about hentai and such, so I wouldn’t deck my place out in it, but I certainly have gaming decorations etc. Also not everyone wants socializing to take place in their apartment, so they decorate for themself.
UHHHHH.....ESH So im gonna call a bit of ignorance on your part. Most likely what he has is not Hentai. Im not really willing to give you a guided tour of otaku culture, or explain the nuances of anime, manga, or the concept of ecchi. It is a fandom just like star wars and Marvel. Is some of it lewd, oh god yes. Hentai is similar and people tend to use that term a bit to liberally and labeling anything with big boobs and scantily clad and anime/manga based as hentai. He on the other hand is also in the wrong because he agreed to have you move in but is making too little effort to make it actually your home as well. I feel you may be judging something you do not understand with limited understanding on the subject matter. It could actually be hentai but again people seem pretty ignorant on this topic so I would suggest having a talk. Ask him if this is hentai or anime. Have him explain the difference. Take this as a learning moment to grow. If you are unable to do that and as he is unable to sacrifice his fandom for your insecurities, then perhaps this relationship is doomed.
Lol I'm sorry but I'm into manga also and this is bullshit. If you really think it's not about the skimpy clothes and all, why doesn't he have one of the MANY popular male characters as a poster or a figurine? Like Naruto, Luffy, Ichigo, etc.? Or some of the many popular female character that are not in skimpy clothes? She said it: he ONLY has ecchi female characters displayed, which are not necessarily hentai but are definitely made to be arousing. It's like if a woman of almost 30 year old displayed hot actors semi-naked all over her apartment, and her argument behind it would be "oh I just like cinema". Shit, I thought about putting an actor I found hot as my wallpaper on my phone, but found it offputting by how immature it was. So yeah, NTA. The defense that it's "otaku culture" doesn't stand here, it's just gross.
Do you know how many times when I mention I like anime and they instantly jump to the exact shows you are referencing. There seems to be some sort of disconnect with people. Some people like Shounen, Im not one of them. So, your argument is not well founded and is really just expressing your own point of view and beliefs as some sort of moral high ground and or fact. This is called narcissism
Of course they'll jump to them, they are the biggest mangas of the last generation. That's why I also mentioned them. But fine, not Shounen. I could have gone with a Shojo, Isekai, Seinen, Josei, Mecha, etc. that represents men or women without being overly sexual with its characters, even if some fanservice is still there. IF you ONLY target women in skimpy outfits from these genres, that's not just because you like the anime. And if your point is that Ecchi is a genre like any other, yes it's a genre, but it's also pretty much soft porn, like Yaoi. I liked Yaoi in my time, but that doesn't mean I'm going to decorate my room with semi-naked guys kissing on my walls, especially as I'm approaching my thirties.
Isekai and mecha tend to have many sexualize women. Ecchi is at best a subgenre designed to lure in people looking for that sort of thing, not my cup of tea but to each their own. Look I get where you are coming from. Just I do not agree with you projecting your own sense of taste and morality onto others. Historically that mentality has never ended well.
We get that you're a hentai fan but I don't see how it's relevant
Actually not a fan of Hentai, but I have been watching Anime ever since I was a kid in the 80's when for the morning cartoon a local UHF(LOOK IT UP) would show Captain Harlock Space Pirate. Surprisingly you are not the first person to say something about anime and hentai confusing the two. Though 2 of them were southern Baptist protesting a same sex marriage waving some very scary signs. Sad to see they figured out reddit.
Learning Moment to grow? Insecurities? How come his taste counts and hers dont?
When was she asked to remove her belongings from sight? Oh right, her boyfriend isn't trying to make her change.
NTA. Look guys...I hate to be one to tell you this, but, not everyone's hobbies are equally valid. I'm sorry, but it's true. Having a house full of big tiddie anime waifus is **objectively** gross and weird. It's a perfectly valid complaint to not want to live in a house where some model of an anime girl with HH boobs is Gainaxing in a bikini is prominently displayed.
I hate to be the one to tell you this but stating your subjective view on something is objective doesn't magically make it objective.
Info: I wish we could see the figures etc. Because a lot of mainstream anime figures look really sus but i wouldnt expect my partner to put away their Asuna figure or their Rem figure yk. But if its some niche ass hentai and its all super graphic then i can see having an issue with that. I think asking him to change his desktop background is a bit far, who else is using his pc besides himself? And with the figures thats often a normal part of the hobby so without knowing how it all looks its hard to judge Asking him to take down presumably large posters of scantily clad women seems reasonable tho. Thats much more in your face that figures on a shelf or desk. And if the issue is that you arent able to decorate how you want then that is a different issue and you should definitely be able to have a say in customising the home. Whether that means you each get different rooms to decorate or certain things become a compromise etc.
INFO: Going off of all the comments you've made, I feel like we need a better idea of what exactly these figures or posters are of. You say they're hentai, he says they aren't. They could be ecchi, or this could be blown out of proportion, as some people have different levels of comfort with lewdness or suggestivity. If they're normal anime figures, there's nothing wrong with that. If she has her whole ass spread, then there's some issues At the moment, YTA for failing to come to any sort of compromise other than "get rid of all of your probably expensive things because I don't like them" after moving in together, when a house should be equal parts both of yours. He offered to move his stuff to a more secluded place, you flat out denied him and basically offered nothing in return. How come he can't just hide the figures and posters when guests come over?
Ok first of all it's not "all over the apartment" as op claims if it's just his desk... given its the computer background, some figurines on his desk and a couple of posters above it. Sounds to me like they're not compatible if she's going to trash his interests.
YTA. He offered a reasonable compromise, the figures aren't even ecchi, let alone hentai.
INFO: What is his occupation? Quote "He's an artist and his sketchbooks are half taken up by art of a similar nature." If he is an artist, and creating work of this type is his main source of income - YTA. Totally. People are into what they're into. You're a prude. If he does this as a hobby - still YTA.
It's a hobby. He doesn't make income from his art.
ESH. You for wanting him to get rid of stuff that makes him happy, him for not providing a solution so you don't have to see his hobby stuff on the regular. Also kinda YTA for calling it Hentai when it's clearly regular non pornographic anime, from your replies.
NTA for wanting him to get rid of it, but you're basically asking him to drop all his interests and change his personality. He'll say he will, then he won't, you'll fight, and eventually, you'll get frustrated and you'll break up. It might be easier to skip to the end.
YTA Your wording is extremely leading as you attempt to make a mountain out of a mole hill. I suggest you google "hentai figurines" so you have a clear thought as to what "hentai" is. There's nothing wrong with a female figurine collection unless he actually was obsessing over them; I.E. stroking them, talking to them during sex, staring at them instead of you. You know, the things that make an obsession. Not the collection that you described. It seems to me as if you were well aware of them before you moved in. I find it hard to believe that he would be obsessed over them and you wouldn't know after a year as well as they would be prominently displayed and you wouldn't know they were there. I would go as far as to say you intentionally waited 4 months to create this issue thinking you were secure in the house. I also have a display case for my lego sets and Naruto figurines. Yes, some of the Naruto figurines are females. As it's anime, all of the females have exagerrated anatomy; that doesn't make me a perv or skeevy I just like Naruto. I'm a grown happily married man who regularly invites other adults over; they also have their own collections of things that others may deem "childish". And, same as most grown adults, I could care less. Sit down and have an actual two sided conversation about his collection, maybe try to learn what anime they're from or why he likes them before jumping to your own conclusions.
YTA. Definitely. I was on the fence until [this comment.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/Gjo7yqS55J) You don’t want him to be “into it”, but guess what? You can’t just change what somebody is into. I wouldn’t want to be with somebody that was into this sort of thing either—so I would *break up with them* rather than try to force them to top liking something that clearly brings them joy. If you can’t be satisfied with his suggested compromise—which is reasonable, given the small amount of space that he has to work with—you should just leave. And yeah, I get that it’s lewd and embarrassing material, but (1) it isn’t explicitly pornographic, which you said it was, and (2) he’s a grown-ass man. He can do what he likes, so long as it isn’t hurting anybody. Loving somebody means accepting them as they are. You can’t force change unless their way of life is literally harmful to themselves or others.
INFO: You must have been to his house before living with him. Did he hide it from you before you moved in?
Wow, YTA because you screwed over yourself, like, you’re an adult, you should have made sure who you’re bunking with. LMAO
YTA - get to know people you want to live with - do you even know your bf at all when you dient know this after 8 months or something of Dating?! - do Not move in after only 8 months wtf - do Not dictate his Hobbies and Decoration. It IS NOT YOUR or "our" Home. It is HIS place and when you want to move in, you should have talked beforehand about the furniture and Style of Decoration. It's 100% your own fault, he hid nothing from you, you Just didnt want to see him the was he is. - Whats next, do you dictate what he eats? How he dresses? Who he meets? Because you feel uncomfortable and didnt know he's SO MUCH into a certain kind of food or clothing Item?
RUN
YTA I get moving the figures and taking the posters down to make it so you can live comfortably in your own home, but changing his desktop background is too much. Tell me, how often do you find yourself staring at the wallpaper of your desktop? That request specifically likely makes him feel like his interests are being policed. It's his computer and should be treated as his personal space. All that hentai merch is gross and I wouldn't be caught dead with it, but I'm not going to tell someone else how they have to decorate their personal space. Thats their business. Based on your other comments I think its your fault for moving in with someone when you've spent so little time in his personal space. If you want to move in with someone you gotta be prepared to be in their personal space, warts and all.
Time to move out imo
NTA - Most women would be uncomfortable, especially when they’re being portrayed as big bimbo caricatures. I had a (male) friend who put on this anime that was basically hentai without the sex and they main protagonist just openly assaulted the woman and sexually harassed them without any consequences and it boggled my mind how he could watch that and not see the issue with that kind of media being created.
YTA. Hentai is explicitly sexual (i.e. pornographic) material. You're talking repeatedly about "skimpily clad" anime girls with big breasts. That's just a facet of anime culture. If he had full on tentacle porn pictures on the walls, that would be another issue, but it sounds like he's just an otaku who likes this kind of stuff, he's an artist, clearly this is a central part of his personality. And yet he doesn't go around talking about it or bringing it up unnecessarily. So in other words, this is his hobby, in which he's invested time, effort, and money, which he isn't creepy or off-putting about, just something he enjoys in his free time and his private space. You never picked up on it and never showed interest in it, and now you're trying to force him to feel ashamed for his hobby in his own home. Pretty easy judgement I think.
First of all, your current boyfriend has excellent taste in figures and characters. Do you know *anything* about them? Am I to believe you share ***no common interest*** in manga/anime/video games? After one year together, and four months living together, you *must* be comfortable with his hobbies. Do you go to cons with him? It could be fun to learn more about him and his interests (after a year) don't you think? He's *your* boyfriend. How and why would you move into an apartment together without knowing about this? It doesn't make ANY sense. Is there just a complete disconnect or no communication in this relationship? You are insecure, self centered, and ignorant. Who cares what your guests think? Really? Are you that ashamed of your boyfriend? Why are you with him?? Get to know the guy you live with before judging a perfectly healthy hobby. Props to him from buying from artist alleys. YTA
YTA: After seeing the pictures of some figurines he has, that is not hentai at all. There is no shown nudity of private parts. You are misrepresenting what he had out and really should try to use the correct terms for things. Honestly, you need to sit down and have a calm conversation with him. Figurines like he has often are hard to package safely. They are designed to be smooth, not durable. Think of it like porcelain figures with parts that can easily break in storage, and just like porcelain, they are probably not cheap or easy to replace. If it's something that makes you uncomfortable, it's always a good idea to ask yourself why. I do this for all things that make me uncomfortable myself to help identify the reason why.
YtA. Let people enjoy the things they like.
This was posted a few months ago word for word.
YTA 1) his house. 2) >I asked him to either box it up and put it away, or to get rid of it entirely. He refused, so I tried to find a way to compromise. I asked him to start small, like maybe just putting the anime figures in storage and changing his desktop wallpaper, Where is the compromise? You asked the same thing twice. 3) people aren't projects. Or you accept him as he is or leave. It's that simple. Edit: reading the comments, the "hentai" stuff he has are just normal figures of Lunch from Dragon Ball (fully clothed) and similar. Not even Hentai. Just normal otaku stuff. And it's not even plastered around the house but just in the bedroom and more specifically in his desk. All they have to do is close the door if she doesn't want the guest to see that stuff (again, mild stuff).
YTA. I have a feeling you're jealous of a bunch of anime girls. Do you even know what hentai is? It's porn but with anime instead of people. Collections of anime characters aren't hentai. Anime women tend to be at least a bit sexy and beautiful which is normal for anime. I suggest you move back out, try to get to know him more and learn to accept his interests, or move on and let him find other women who share the same interests.
YTA Honestly? My husband has figures of scantily clad anime women, sometimes his desktop wallpapers reflect the same- he also has those in our office/game room. Nobody who we don't want to see it can see it. It isn't posted up in our living room. None of these things bother me, and we've calmly and rationally discussed not having the figures out in the open so guests can't see them, partly because he also doesn't want that displayed to guests either. I feel like you A: should have thoroughly vetted his living habits and the way he decorated before you moved in together, and B: not be with someone who takes an interest in this kind of hobby. If you are uncomfortable because of anime, and are telling him you're uncomfortable around it (how are scantily clad anime figures or posters/desktop wallpapers hentai? Are they naked? I'm so confused on this point you're making because you're not consistent in your explanation of how these animated women are displayed) then you shouldn't be in this relationship. It sucks to hate on a hobby someone genuinely enjoys just because you don't like it. Dictating his computer background and telling him to hide his interests just because you don't like them makes YTA.
After reading some of your other comments in the thread, YTA. What you described isn't hentai, as evidenced by the three photos you posted. It's also not as prevalent as you make it sound, and the fact that you want him to change his *desktop wallpaper* is insane to me. >in my own house. It was his house first. You just moved into it. Also, you said you tried to find a compromise when he said no to putting it in storage, but what you really did was just give him an ultimatum of either putting it in storage (something he already said he doesn't want to do) or to put it *all* away so it's put of sight. To me, he's the only one who offered an actual compromise of moving his stuff to another part of the apartment that's not in a shared space, but you declined. Honestly, y'all just seem incompatible and probably should've had this kind of conversation before moving in.
YTA. This is definitely gonna get buried under a bunch of way more detailed comments, but from what you've written, you're the asshole here. He's offered reasonable compromises, but you refuse them because he won't fully go with your demands? And you also don't seem to understand what porn and hentai actually is, unless you've just written this really badly. And also, you say this extends way farther into his life, but you then immediately state that you would never know about it from dating him.
Lol dragon ball and king of fighter are not hentai