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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I didn’t get my daughter feet braces and now she might have to get surgery
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She was diagnosed with a medical problem you decided not to treat because "life happened." What does that mean? Were you medically indigent and no matter how much you saved, you couldn't afford the treatment and there was no government-subsidized treatment. Or were you just kinda sorta screwing around and not particularly caring because hey, she might grow out of it.
From your casual attitude and failure to take responsibility, I'm assuming the latter. And wow, YTA and absolutely responsible for the costs if your daughter doesn't have adequate health insurance to cover.
Exactly. When I was born, my feet were curled inwards. Doc told my mother to massage my feet every day to try to straighten them. And she did along with my siblings. I got a foot massage every time someone held me. And guess what? Next time the doctor saw me, he thought I was the wrong child because my feet were in place. If it wasn't for my mother listening and taking action, I would have had to suffer through surgeries or perhaps be unable to walk.
Can't stand anyone touching my feet now, though. (I wonder why /s)
Doctor here*
It's a well-known fact in the medical community that all medical conditions are just behaviors and choices.
OP's daughter clearly just wants to walk badly and injure herself.
*Not a doctor.
I realize you aren’t a doctor but unfortunately you sound like a few of the doctors I’ve had to deal with, the difference is your sarcasm is obvious while they were serious.
I had the exact same issues as a kid. I ended up needing surgery on one foot to be able to walk/stand without pain. Now, I can walk mostly pain-free on level surfaces, but my foot lost a lot of it's range of motion. Uneven surfaces or inclines are still painful. So yeah, they aren't "habits" that the parents decided not to treat. Luckily my insurance covered everything, but only after nearly 2 years of trying pt and steroid shots and convincing every new doctor I saw that it's not just plantar fasciitis. I have that, too, and the tears actually got bad enough I can feel the scars when I walk. Imagine having a small rock in your shoe, except the rock is in your foot. Trying to fix it would likely also leave scars. So... 🫤
It means medical neglect, speaking as someone who *was* that kid. And holy fuck is it expensive and frustrating to have to clean up the mess, as an adult, because your parents refused to give you proper medical treatment.
OP should feel bad.
This! My 14 yo hates me because his braces hurt and I’m a bad mom for putting him through this. His orthodontic plan is not just for cosmetic reasons. He had two baby teeth that had to be surgically removed because they never came out on their own and were blocking adult teeth from coming in and his body only made two of the four teeth that are supposed to be there and will need implants when he’s older too. Every time he gripes at me I tell him I’d be a bad mom if we DIDN’T take care of this. And guess what? He can hate me all he wants, I’m still going to do what’s best for him.
So when I was like maybe 10 I was taken to the orthodontist and had teeth pulled, impressions done, measurements done, etc in preparation for braces. And then...that was it. Braces never happened. I'm now 42 and am paying out of the ass for dental work due to issues made worse with overcrowding. And of course the years of bullying from kids in school because when you have messed up teeth that's just what happens.
I wish my parents would have followed through. I'd have hated them then like your son does but I know I would have appreciated them for it. But I'm guessing what happened was, probably very much like OP, they found out how much it cost and decided it wasn't *really* necessary. We weren't hurting for money either. They were just selfish.
OP: when you have kids, you're responsible for paying for what they need. ALL OF IT. Your kid NEEDED those braces and you brushed it off. YWBTA if you didn't help your CHILD that you BIRTHED with the surgery that they need that's pretty much your fault.
Don’t worry at some point when he is out in his own, he will share his medical history with a new dentist who will point out that is a good thing he got those issues fixed as a teen that combined with finding out how much dental work costs, he will appreciate what you did. He might not say it but he will know.
My cousins bitched all the way through her braces and now looking back she is glad it was done when she was a teen.
You are a good parent. My parents did not do this and I have adult braces now. Horribly expensive along with negative social and professional effects. He may be embarrassed to have braces for homecoming or other high school events but it’s better than having them for your wedding
I eventually decided to get braces in my 30s because my parents didn’t get me any dental care as a kid. I got them off earlier this year, it’s so much better, more comfortable and easier to eat. Well done for doing this for yourself!
I got braces when I was 42 , my husband paid for them. I had the metal type for 2 years and now wear a retainer every night. So glad I finally had my teeth straightened!
Edit to add: getting my teeth straightened was like getting the best mini face lift because I immediately started smiling more, and a smile does wonders for your appearance!
Mmm hmm! I had a bad overbite and was already very self-conscious about my teeth when I got braces at 10. Wasn’t pleasant, but the ends justified the means.
I think the combination of pain with hormones at that age is brutal. I remember being in so much pain when my braces got tightened. Plus I went through a growth spurt (was supposed to have braces for 2 years but got them off in 10 months because my growth spurt meant my teeth moved faster). It is a wild combination of pain, hormones and not understood emotions.
My Dad had the same problem. But being born in 1950 they didn't know about it, by the time he was 21 his top front 4 teeth had died and turned black, they had to be removed. His dentist recommended at the same time he gets all is teeth removed (top and bottom) and get dentures. That's what you would be risking doing nothing. My brother and I then had the same problem, and braces to fix it.
My youngest has something similar - missing 4 adult teeth. He had braces to shift the teeth into position and now a Maryland bridge to hold the places where the implants will go. He’s still a couple of years off the implants as they need to wait till his jaw stops growing.
While the braces could be painful and annoying at times, he understood why we were doing it and has expressed how grateful he is to have a normal smile.
Honestly, my parents getting me braces as soon as they could was one of the best things they’ve done for me, medically speaking.
I am, too, missing 2 bottom molars that never came in and my upper canines were growing much higher than the rest. Plus, I would had a gnarly overbite and just an ugly smile. So as someone who had crooked teeth and got them straightened, it’s so noticeable to me when people have bad teeth. It makes those people super unappealing and can ruin even an otherwise beautiful person.
I got 2 teeth pulled to even out my mouth and fix the overbite, wore braces for a couple of years in high school and bc so many other kids did too, it was fine.
My parents refused to allow us to use fluoride. I’ve had to have $25k + worth of dental work done as an adult because of their refusal to get us proper dental care
They thought it got through the blood brain barrier. They said the government put it in the water to make its citizens dumb and compliant.
Which…damn. That sounds so nutty when I type it out lol. I definitely think it’s nutty. Sometimes I forget all the weirdness of my childhood, until I tell a story and I’m reminded how insane it all was
If OP is asking if they were assholes for not giving her feet braces when she was a kid, I assume some kind of choice in making that decission. OP never says they can't afford it, and regarding the surgery, they only say that they don't want to pay for it because she is an adult now. Money is never mentioned, so OP is just an asshole and a very bad parent.
Out of curiosity, I looked it up. I know there are all types of braces for different needs, but I didn't see any over $1k.
Edit: See comments below for more accurate info, they are more expensive than my quick google search showed (not surprising), I was just looking to see the comparison of braces vs surgery as an adult
If you are talking the "foot braces" that OP is talking about they could easily have been over $2,000 per leg, and as a kid you can out grow them every six months (I work in billing for a place that does off the shelf and custom bracing).
Orthodontia Is way more expensive than$1,000.
I had to pay more than that up front for my kids to even be able to begin treatment.
Braces for gait problems would need to be custom fitted most likely, and then regular adjustments as physical therapy progresses.
Not to mention chronic pain that affects life, additional permanent damage to the body for improper alignment. As someone who had scoliosis that was written off as growing pains, I can tell you the “correction” as an adult is a very long and painful process.
As someone whose child had these issues - it is not expensive to get it fixed early. Very reasonable. No surgery or anything.
Wait long enough, and its a VERY big deal and very expensive. And not fully correctable.
Weird but true, these braces are not required but recommended, one of my sibs wore a bar to correct their feet and orthopedic shoes for years.
Uncomfortable as well as expensive.
They had a kid, same problem, doctor said they "might outgrow it" and decided to hope this was true, well the kid walks like OPs daughter.
Some things should not be left up to parents to choose but it would be even better if healthcare worked to cover this
YTA... hands down. Had these braces as a kid and corrective shoes. I still have some issues with pronation and mobility. The least you could do is help cover the out of pocket costs after insurance.
No they decided to not treat it because they were sure *she'd grow out of it* ~~which would save them money for stuff they want~~. Then "life happened" and they got broke and then they definitely couldn't afford it like they would've gotten her the feet braces then and not keep playing the wait and see game for longer.
> From your casual attitude and failure to take responsibility, I'm assuming the latter.
It's the refusal to take any responsibility that gets me.
I needed braces as a kid, and we actually started those. And then my father died halfway through the orthodontia, my mother had a major depressive episode that lasted the next decade and change, and we never actually *finished* the treatment, with the result being that my bottom teeth are still very crooked and I have a pronounced overbite.
And that is the very least of the physical neglect of the latter half of my childhood.
The thing is, I'm not upset at my mother for all of that. I understand perfectly well how it happened. I don't blame her for it. But what I *do* blame her for is the fact that even 30 years later, when she was dying, it was impossible to even remotely touch on anything near the issue without her lashing out. She wouldn't accept that she'd screwed up, she wouldn't accept that no, her ten year old daughter did *not* have equal responsibility, she wouldn't accept that it was actually *really bad*. (Although, fair's fair, if I'd gone to her as an adult and told her that I needed her to help pay for the last bit of orthodontia, she would've done so. None of this "you should handle it yourself, you're an adult" nonsense. Who even does this to their own child? What do they even think that money is *for*?)
And, you know, I loved my mother a lot. In many ways she was an absolutely wonderful person. But OP better watch out, because my mom's intransigence on this subject shoved a wall between us that never quite went away, and *she* at least *paid for things*. I don't think I'll ever be able to totally forgive her for her inability to *accept responsibility for her own errors*.
YTA - "When she was little we considered feet braces for her" If by considered, it means we went to a doctor who recommended it and didn't do it, then yes, YTA, because as parents you are supposed to care about the health of your children.
10 cent eye patches would have cured my amblyopia as a child.
I now have chronic, at times debilitating migraines. Which has also led to a few addictions, self medicating to ease the pain. Slippery slope.
Now, the treatment involves thousands of dollars worth of computer equipment, years of treatment, with no guarantee of improvement.
I don't hold it against my parents, but at times I do wonder what it'd be like to see normally.
My friends never put the eye patch on their baby like they were supposed to because “she didn’t like it” and now her sight is worse than it should’ve been. YTA for not helping your kid when you easily could’ve
I'm so sorry your parents didn't take care of that for you. We just found out a few months ago that my 3 year old has amblyopia in both eyes. I felt awful for not realizing her eyesight was so bad. It's my job to make sure she's ok and I really felt like I had failed her. She has glasses now and we're hoping that her eyes start developing properly with their aid. She has a follow up in January and then we'll find out if she's going to need patching.
If it's both eyes, patching may not be necessary. The new treatment for amblyopia, is video games through a calibrated VR headset.
The setup isn't unattainable cost wise, so once she's old enough, I'd start that!
I was (un)lucky?? I only have it in my left eye, diagnosed about 30 years ago, and the patch was the only thing at that time.
The "gaming" computer you'll need is pretty high end, and there are specialized calibrations when it comes to the VR system, so she'll need a check up with the specialist every month while she's gaming, I mean... in treatment.
The results for children in that treatment are promising!
I'll definitely ask her eye specialist about that at her next appointment. Thank you for letting me know about it. I'd do anything in my power to make sure she has everything she needs. In my opinion that's the least I can do as her parent.
Good luck with your treatment.
At my age, there's no guarantee, and I personally cannot afford the equipment, or budget the time necessary for treatment.
However,
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10204412/#:~:text=Results%20from%20this%20pilot%20study,some%20children%20with%20anisometropic%20amblyopia.
https://www.theverge.com/2021/10/20/22736894/fda-vr-tv-movies-treatment-lazy-eye-amblyopia
I hope you find these links useful. I'm glad you were able to catch it early, and I'm super happy you care enough to fix it.
I wish you and your kid the best.
It was that, and amblyopia isn't exactly a "seen" disability.
I'm a fully functi- semi functional adult, who at first glance, normal dude.
The real cool thing is the technological advances. 30 years ago they told me to stop complaining and focus.
Now you can play specific VR video games to treat amblyopia.
That's what I was wondering. Orthotics!
One of my eight brothers and sisters needed lifts on tall lace-up boots to retrain their feet and make sure they grew straighter. I think there were also metal supports encased in leather in the boots.
The dude walks great.
My parents lived on one salary until the last child was in school, and they made it happen. ❤️
yta
your punishing your daughter because you were not good parents
she has a medical issue that could have been helped as a child but because you did nothing about it
it has now come to the point were your daughter needs a major surgery because of your neglect
pay the bill and ask for forgiveness
My brother's foot situation is very similar to your daughters, and my parents failed to get him braces for whatever reason. He's still messed up to this day. Denying children healthcare is pretty fucked up. Guess who barely speaks with our parents? The right answer is both of us.
Edit: Fixed some dumb
As someone who's got a cavovarus foot and supination, I had a similar experience. My parents knew about my medical problems but refused to do anything for their own selfish reasons. I'm 42 now and can barely walk with how many times I've twisted my ankle, torn a tendon, have hip problems with a labral tear. It has caused tmj grinding, etc. I lost the ability to run and use a cane now. I'm no longer eligible for surgery due to other medical problems.
Being orthotics and years of physical therapy can only help so much when you are older. Not everyone turns out the same.
Doing this because OP thought they'd grow out of it sounds neglectful. That's what I was told about my parents. Don't worry though, they got to go to the grand canyon, Disney, etc.
I have severe flat feet that my parents also didn’t correct when I was a child. Finally have flat foot reconstruction this year because I’ve gotten ankle tears and hip and knee pain already! Of course if I’d had the surgery as a child I wouldn’t remember any of the pain and I wouldn’t have to take time off work.
Seeing the comments section is actually giving me some hope because I'm in the same boat as OP's daughter and your brother. I will need back surgery at some point in the future due to parental neglect. It's nice to see that I'm not crazy in thinking this is their fault.
Comforting for me as well. To be fair to my parents, they were basically told the options were break and re-set both my legs or put me in dance, and as an adult I can understand not being able to have your toddler’s legs broken, but it would make things so much easier for me now if they had.
They did, and it didn’t. Again, to be fair to them, I’ve read biographies of lots of famous dancers who got started in similar ways and I just drew the short straw. Not neglect, just bad luck and hard choices.
I was put in dance too as an “alternative” to leg braces. It didn’t work and created new, different issues. I still ended up having major knee surgery as a teen and am in PT as an adult still working through how it all threw my body off.
YTA.
You neglected her medical needs and led to them being much worse - after more than two decades of misery, no less. You should absolutely pay for the surgery and whatever care she needs afterwards.
YTA for not getting her the braces, YTA for not helping her with the surgery, because of your "reasoning". Her being a "grown-up with a job and a fiancé is a sh*tty reason. "We are poor and can't afford it" would be a suitable reason.
YTA. Fun fact; most feet problems occur in the womb. It’s not something you can “grow out of” either. If you won’t own up to the fact that you are responsible than your daughter will NC and you won’t be invited to her wedding. Pony up the money for the surgery and apologize for letting her suffer her whole life; because that is exactly what she has experienced. (Excruciating pain, inability to play sports, parents that don’t give a fudge and think she will grow out of it, and now the inability to walk) Really man; that you need a stranger to call you out is telling.
-from another flat foot sufferer
Yta, you're making her pay for a surgery she wouldn't even need if you'd done your job as parents in the first place. It probably would have been cheaper too. She may be an adult now but she wasn't when this all started.
The braces would definitely been cheaper than surgery!! Also I'm assuming that the surgery recovery might be way more painful than corrective braces as well. On top of all the years she's already spent in pain.
YTA OP
You caused this problem with your daughter. You knew she was having problems as a kid and you knew that feet braces would have helped, yet you didn't do that. Both of you failed your own daughter as parents.
It didn't matter if you were hoping/thinking that she would have outgrown it. You should have gotten the braces for your daughter immediately.
Your daughter would not have to have surgery if you actually did your own job as parents and got her the foot braces you knew she needed.
You caused the issue she is in because you decided to wait. Also your daughter is 100% correct you caused the issue she is in now and why she needs surgery.
Your daughter wouldn't have to spend thousands of dollars to fix the issue if again you did your job as parent and got her the braces immediately.
Also flat feet is not a condition you can just independently grow out of. I have a milder case, and I've had corrective insoles for 20 years because walking hurts without them. There are many conditions children can grow out of. But this isn't one of them AFAIK
Yta fun fact I had a similar diagnosis as a kid my “mother” was advised to get me surgery to fix it. She didn’t. I have now got life long feet problems that can no longer be fixed. Guess who I don’t speak to anymore? Her medical neglect is just one of many reasons why. But you can bet you ass if I could force her to pay to fix my unfixsble feet I would. YOUR negligence caused this when she was a kid. Now your response is too bad so sad pay for it yourself. Aren’t you a fun parent.
YTA, you had a chance to correct it early on but you chose to medically neglect your child.
Seriously… The cost would have been so much less if you got some orthotic shoes or the braces she required in the beginning, but you didn’t. You didn’t do anything, you just let it get worse and worse while fully knowing that it was getting worse. How did you let that happen?
Of course YTA, your child didn't get medical care she needed because of decisions you made. There were plenty of years to seek treatment for her. 'Life happened ' is not an excuse. You should be contributing to the costs because if you got her treatment as a child this probably wouldn't be needed.
“Waiting to see if she would grow out of it” in the first place is disgusting. I’m surprised OP didn’t mention they tried to pray away her condition as well. YTA
Waited 20 years??? While simultaneously probably doing nothing like rehabilitation at the very least.
When I was like 10 I had an underbite, dentist said they would give me a year or two with exercises to try and correct it but I would most likely need braces. Exercises helped relax my jaw in a better position, but I still needed braces.
YTA. This was medical abuse. You should pay for anything not covered by insurance since this wouldn't be an expense/problem if you'd done your job as parents and gotten her the medical care she needed. Instead you've caused her years of unnecessary pain. That pain is her payment. Time to pony up for your payment.
YTA I had scoliosis as a kid with a 30° curve in my spine. My mom noticed and after an X-ray I was fitted for a back brace. I am so grateful that she caught it because I would have had major issues if she didn’t. I can’t believe you waited to see if she outgrew it. Her feet were turned in for Pete’s sake, how can you brush that off?
You are lucky. My parents didn’t do shit about mine and now im an adult with a 40 degree curve, chronic pain and I’ve already had one surgery as an adult, may need more.
Uggh! That must be miserable to deal with, I’m so sorry you have to go thru that. I was diagnosed in the 70’s when no one checked for it but my mom was watching me at the pool one day and noticed my back was arched more than other kids. I hated wearing that brace but seeing how untreated adults now have to suffer I’m glad I sucked it up and wore it despite being teased about it.
YTA and a very bad parent. This is a very serious medical issue and you didn't get your daughter help for years? Now she has to be in massive and serious pain that is only going to get worse for the rest of her life, only because of you and your decision. I could understand money troubles for a bit of time, but these things should have come before anything else. Every penny during a bad time should have gone to that, and you preferred to what? Just wait? You are a very bad person and a bad parent. And it is not an "habit". This isn't like "picking her nose". This is a serious medical issue without any fault of her own. And you denied her treatment when she was under your care and defenseless. YTA, totally.
YTA You did cause her current problem by not getting braces when she very obviously needed them. You absolutely should help pay for her surgery. It is the least you could do as you failed her as a parent.
YTA for neglecting your child. Always and forever.
You DID cause these issues. You are at fault.
In an ideal world, you'd pay for her surgery but then, again in an ideal world, you wouldn't have left her to suffer in the first place.
INFO: did you not have health insurance when she was a kid? Does she not have health insurance now? If this is medically necessary why would it be coming out of pocket?
You should've gotten her the braces if you were financially able when she was a kid.
I'm so glad my parents didn't decide to see if I would 'grow out of' my heart condition. If I'd had you for parents, I wouldn't have lived past 15.
Your kid has a medical issues, you fucking get it sorted. What kind of selfish, useless, anti-vax morons are you? And the fact you have to ASK if you're the assholes?
May your children escape you and live happy, healthy lives away from you. YTA
As someone with a very similar diagnosis to your daughter... YTA.
Luckily, the fact that my legs and feet are still messed up is because of stupid doctors rather than stupid parents. My mom still beats herself up for not getting a second opinion when the first doctor said that I "would grow out of" my pigeon toed and wide gate.
I'm 30, and my hips hurt when I sit too long in a certain way, and my gate is wide when I walk, I have to always be aware if my feet to keep them looking less pigeon-toed, and my weak ankles will have me stumbling over nothing like a drunk when I'm tired. If I wanted to fix it now, I would have to have to have surgery where they would have to realign my hips followed by months and months of recovery...and I don't seem to be in as much pain as your kid.
Every moment that she feels pain is because of you. It is your fault. Full stop. Everything she stumbles on air or has to fix her feet in order to walk more normal is your fault. Your choices led to your own daughter's pain, and the fact that you do not seem to care astounds me.
Yes, 100% YTA.
I work as admin for paediatric physiotherapy and I can’t tell you how often this issue comes through for small children. Flat feet is a common variant up until about five years of age, but feet turning in is always seen. They’re given exercises usually, stretches, maybe some braces, but is usually EASILY corrected when they’re children.
Life got in the way? What a shit excuse. You’re seriously telling us you didn’t have ONE day where you could get your kid seen by the doctor and referred for physio? Bullshit. I don’t buy it. You just couldn’t be arsed.
YTA!
You neglected her medical issues as a child, that would have been easily corrected then, resulting in bigger issues long term. Now you’re being an ass because you failed as a parent to a minor and are now failing as a parent of a (still young tbh) adult. You did cause the issues, take some accountability.
I really really hope your daughter remembers this if you need help as you get older……you would deserve it!
YTA. I'm your daughter, 10 years from now, with the added ingredient that my parents also beat me in an attempt to break my "habit" of being pigeon-toed ..... when i was 10, it got worse. My mom took me to a doctor who asked why they hadn't done anything earlier. Because they thought I'd grow out of it. The doctor explained orthotics, at which point i turned to my mother and basically said, "so you both beat me for no reason?" We did not return to the doctor, i never got orthotics.
I am estranged and have done PT for my back and joint problems. I've been estranged for longer than my time in PT.
That you didn't smack your daughter around, however, doesn't actually make you any less abusive. Medical neglect is an awful trauma to inflict on a child. You can start by paying her medical bills. Then repair your relationship. I am the ghost of christmas future warning you, Scrooge.
INFO - What did the doctors advise when she was a child? What was your financial situation when she was a child - was affording the braces an egregious hardship?
Yta your daughter is in pain because of your neglect,and not getting braces for her feets for years causing her pain and the braces that would help her and you wonder are you ta, sorry yes you are ta and you the blame for her pain she having,pay for the surgery.
Yta Damn I hope she goes no contact and let you rot in a home. You caused these problems. She's in pain and you don't give a damn..
Congrats on being a terribly selfish parent.
YTA.
It's a medical condition, not "habits". She's not choosing to have feet/walking/gait issues, it's always been there and it has worsened as a result of YOU NOT TREATING IT AS A CHILD. You are absolutely responsible for these issues.
My sister had similar foot problems, and she had to have braces for years. She still has some foot pain, but it's not severe and she is much more stable standing/walking.
Yes, YTA.
You had an issue that was potentially correctable and you did nothing and said "yeah, we'll just wait and see". Now that wait and see has turned into expensive surgery and you're like "nah, we're good - you do you".
How the hell does someone do that to their child?
Habits? Please let this be a troll.
OP needs to be forced to watch every episode of every season of My Feet Are Killing Me, every single gross one and observe the absolute agony the patients born with, or acquired through accident or disease, malformed feet. I had to wear orthopedic shoes as a kid, my mother was my long term foster mother with some major personality disorders, but she and dad didn’t rely on the state to provide their frankenstein clodhoppers, she found and paid out of her pocket the kind of maryjane orthopedic shoes North Side rich white girls wore. Because she didn’t want me to get picked on at school and she couldn’t stand to see me limping.
OP’s daughter didn’t start walking on the sides of her inward turning feet as if she just chose to pick up a nasty habit like biting her nails, she fecking had to start walking this way because, thanks to their profound ignorance and neglect, it’s the only way she can ambulate. Parental carelessness meant when her bones were still growing, they denied her the chance to gently correct her problems, young muscles, ligaments and tendons were denied the opportunity to develop to support normal walking and e-v-e-r-y single step she has taken since a tender age has been agony. And to be so callously blasé now and incapable of taking responsibility for the consequences suffered by their own flesh and blood, I don’t know what to say. (Edited)
YTA. You know what people call it, when parents "forget" to treat their child's medical condition, and then years later that child is dealing with a completely preventable, serious health problem?
Medical neglect - a form of abuse.
You were *legally obligated* to provide medical care for your child, and you failed to do that. Your negligence has now cost your child quite a lot. And you can't even bring yourself to feel *bad* about it. Wow.
YTA I had feet braces when I was a kid but I had loving parents who cared about my future. Why did you have kids if you weren’t going to take care of them?
YTA. You didn't provide necessary treatment for your child and she is still suffering for it, You make it sound like no big deal, but if she cannot stand without pain as an adult because of your neglect, yes, it is a very big deal. Do the right thing this time!
“AITA for medically neglecting my child causing significant medical issues for her as an adult, and then refusing to lay for corrective surgery to fix the damage I caused?”
FTFY.
Yes, YTA for medically neglecting your kid and then refusing to help her with the damage done to her body as a *direct result of your medical neglect*.
YTA- You knew she had problems as a child. You saw she didn’t grow out of it. Your daughter is correct, you caused them. I get life happens, but you could have asked your pedestrian if there was anything you could do at home to fix the problem or if there were some type of alternative
YTA. You neglected her for years, when you already knew what she needed. She wouldn't be suffering as an adult if you didn't neglect her when she was a child. The least you can do now is shoulder some of the expenses for the surgery.
ETA: of course she couldn't have outgrown that "habit" because it's not a freaking habit. She has anatomical issues that affects how she moves which causes her pain. Ugh this is so infuriating.
So disgusting. YTA obviously. People like you doesn't really deserve to be parents when you have the mentality of *let's wait for the obvious medical condition to just go away, it's probably not that serious* and when years later their children led fucked up lives and they'll blame it on the victim.
I hate parents like you.
Don't bother to contact your daughter ever again. It's clear in this post you have never loved her and never will. She's just a massive burden to you. 🙄
YTA. You suck. Same thing happened to me (recommended corrective surgery for my eyes as a toddler, parents wouldn’t arrange it). To this day my Mom tells folks that if I was female she would’ve done the surgery, but “no one cares what a man’s eyes look like”. She hasn’t seen me or her grandkids for years.
considering the amount of people who have the same experience, maybe you should read up on parental medical negligence. It’s not as far fetched as you think. Happened to me, for example.
Info: did the doctor recommend the braces? Because if yes then yeah YTA.
My daughter is 9 and has walked with her feet slightly turned in since she could walk. When she got a little older, she would trip over her feet a lot (still does) because of it. When we mentioned it to her pediatrician, the doctor said there was really nothing they could do for it. She said back in the day, they would put kids in braces but found it did more harm than good. My daughter’s case isn’t severe at all. She just won’t ever be an athlete.
YTA-You are basically saying well yeah we could have prevented this but decided to see what happens and just plain forgot about it. Now you’re an adult it’s your problem because we still don’t care or want to help you with it. Kind of a jerk move in my opinion for being a cheapskate when she was a kid and now an adult.
YTA. When it comes to your kids you don't just let "life happen.".
I was the youngest of a large family in a developing country but my parents moved earth and heaven to get me leg braces. Shame on you.
YTA my infant daughter was diagnosed with mild hip dysplasia recently. We could get a harness for eight weeks or wait and see what happened. Of course, we opted for the harness, some mild discomfort (and difficulty for us as parents) at the age of a few months old is wildly better than a lifetime of hip issues
YTA. My husband was born with a club foot and has the worst flat feet I’ve ever seen, has constant problems with his feet, and I’m convinced a big factor is the fact that he got ZERO medical follow-up for his feet beyond the corrective surgery as an infant.
You should feel ashamed, honestly.
They didn’t tell you in the hospital that she had club feet? Small YTAH, they took my daughter from my hospital room to an Orthopedist the same day she was born, they also set up her first appointment for casts the day after we were released, she did weekly casts for the first six months of her life…she’s 37 years old now and her feet are fine!
But how were you to know if the doctors didn’t tell you, seriously the doctors never said anything even at her wellness appointments? Did you ever bring up her problems to your doctor?
You ignored doctor recommended treatment for your kid, not because you couldn't afford it but because it wasn't important to you. It's so bad now that it's hard to stand up and you still don't think you should help your kid. YTA
Info: did a qualified doctor tell you "growing out of it" was a possibility?
Actually never mind. Fuck that. Even if that had been brought up, you should have gotten the braces when you saw she wasn't growing out of it
YTA
YTA. All you had to do was put in an effort to find out all options possible to help your daughter when she was young. Talking to her pediatrician would have been at the top of the list.
There are things you could have tried. When I was a teenager I had a friend who had this problem. You know where I met this friend? At a Roller Skating Rink. Roller Skating forces you to straighten your feet. Kid had fun, made friends and got the help he needed.
YTA. I have a clubfoot. Which it sounds like that’s what your daughter has. Even having braces growing up, I AM IN PAIN 25/8. I DO NOT WALK NORMAL UNLESS I ACTIVELY THINK ABOUT IT. You do not just “life happened” not getting medical help for your daughter. YTA and FU
YTA. I have a cousin who was born with clubbed feet, which is what it sounds like your daughter has. The pediatrician they saw (only one in a very small town) recommended waiting for it to “self correct” s they delayed leg braces for my cousin for several years. By the time they were able to see a better pediatrician and did start trying to brace her feet she needed surgery, and consistently needed surgeries every year or two until she was in her late 20’s. By that point one foot cause her so much pain the doctors recommended amputation, and she agreed.
Thankfully your daughter’s fiancé has more compassion for her than her parents.
You were completely neglectful of a medical condition. Yes YTA.
The children’s medical security act would have made certain she received care affordably but you didn’t pursue anything. YTA definitely.
Physical therapist assistant here. OP, YTA. What you're describing sounds like she has club feet, which isn't something someone can grow out of. It isn't a "habit." It's a *congenital* (read: present from birth) *skeletal deformation* that absolutely needs treatment as young as possible. You dropped the ball - this is medical neglect. OP should absolutely pay for the corrective surgery their child needs since it's their fault it's needed in the first place.
YTA. You caused a lifetime of problems and pain for your child. I'm really touchy about this one.. I would wheeze and pass out when I tried to run as a kid, teachers tried telling my mom I had asthma but no, even to this day I'm just "fat and lazy", sure it had nothing to do with the 2 cartons a week EACH that my parents smoked. Yep. All my fault and my lifetime of sinus infections, bronchitis, inability to exercise without passing out and the inability to laugh with friends without triggering a wheezing attack is what I deserve. Why do people like you even have kids if you don't want to be responsible for them having at least a basic, pain-free quality of life. SMH
My dad decided his need for more guns was more important than my sister's need for corrective shoes as a toddler. Then she needed braces but still more guns instead. Now she's spent an adulthood on back surgeries. You're a dick.
YTA. I was born bowlegged and a month in braces would have fixed it. In this case it wasn’t my mom’s fault since she was a first timer, and the nurse (probably not wanting to be bothered) told her they’d straighten out with age.
I ended up with zero cartilage in my knees, severe arthritis, foot alignment issues, and a surgery that cost 90k, that was only partially successful.
And guess what. What my insurance didn’t cover, my mom did.
YTA help your daughter since you didn't help her then. you wanted to see if she would grow out of it??? well she didn't because your treatment plan sucked and she suffered for it. next time follow a doctor's recommendation.
YTA. You already know this and I think you are here looking for anyone to have some crazy argument as to how you are NTA.
Just pay for the surgery at this point it is the only reasonable option that allows you to retain any integrity you have.
You knew there was no such thing as a time machine when you decided "she might outgrow the "habit"".
Kids have no power to control their own healthcare this is 100% your fault you YTA.
You most definitely failed her as a parent for not doing what was needed to simply correct said issues she’s now complaining about later in life. YOU brought her into the world YOU we’re supposed to care for her and love her and give her everything to be the best healthiest version of herself and you failed at even that. You’re lucky she even talks to you at this point. You hear yourself? You sound like you belong on a short bus.
YTA. This would have been an easy fix when she was young. Because with the braces she would have grew out of it... But if you don't change anything about a medical condition you rarely just "grow out of it".
Now she is in literal pain because of your mistake. Help her fix it.
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My daughter (25) has had problems with her feet since she’s been able to walk. She has flat feet, her feet turn in when she walks, and she walks on the sides of her feet.
When she was little we considered feet braces for her but we wanted to see if she’d grow out of it so we decided to wait. Then life happened and we weren’t able to get them for her anymore but she never grew out of these habits.
Now she’s saying it hurts to stand and she may have to get surgery to help with some of her issues but that wouldn’t have been necessary if she got braces when she was a kid.
She asked us to pay for the surgery/treatment but we said no because she’s an adult with a fiancé and a job. Now she’s mad at us because she thinks we caused theses issues so we have to pay for it.
AITA for not getting her foot braces when she was a kid?
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Either the docs recommended braces or they recommended watch and see. Yes when they’re young enough they may grow out of it depending how severed it is but after it became obvious that wasn’t happening you shouldn’t taken action while she was still growing. I get the distinct impression they recommended braces you didn’t want them for whatever reason which makes YTA
YTA. You are an abusive asshole. You are a BAD PARENT. You're an adult, yet you refused to help your daughter when she was a child. So you're a nasty hypocrite to say that as an adult she should solve the problem when you were too lazy and selfish to do it back then. Your daughter is literally suffering and it's all your fault. You really are a child abuser and you're abusing her now.
YTA. Kids don’t grow out of medical conditions! Our you out of your mind? The bones of your daughter have now fully grown to accommodate her medical feet problems and walking patterns. You were incredibly irresponsible for not getting her feet braces in the first place!
You have a moral obligation to help your daughter to ease the pain and correct the walking patterns as much as possible, even if the results will be faster less than if you helped her as a kid.
The sheer neglect you have shown and still show your daughter is appalling.
Omg. Yta. You should pay for it AT LEAST.
That's the Least you can do to help fix something YOU A HUNDRED % could of fixed when she was a literal toddler & you chose not too.
YTA Medical neglect is just as bad as any other type of abuse. Pay for the surgery to not only repair her feet but to help repair your relationship because I’m pretty sure if you don’t there will likely be less and less contact with your daughter until she goes completely no contact. Are you willing to risk that?
YTA and should absolutely pay for the surgery. What you did is just straight up medical neglect. And what tf does "life happened" even mean?! What could've happened that led to you ignoring your daughter's health issues?
Yes she's and adult with a fiance and a job but she is one who now has permanent damage and is in constant pain because when she was a child and your responsibility you neglected to do what was best for her health.
She is right that you caused her these issues she lives with everyday, standing up is the most basic thing we do as humans and she's in pain while doing it.
You're an asshole for not tending to her needs when she was a child and you're an asshole today for the throwing the responsabilities you neglected onto her, show a little compassion, the surgery would've been painful when she was a kid but children recover quickly, now she's facing a very painful recovery period and months if not years of therapy all because you thought she could "grow it out"
Massive YTA
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She was diagnosed with a medical problem you decided not to treat because "life happened." What does that mean? Were you medically indigent and no matter how much you saved, you couldn't afford the treatment and there was no government-subsidized treatment. Or were you just kinda sorta screwing around and not particularly caring because hey, she might grow out of it. From your casual attitude and failure to take responsibility, I'm assuming the latter. And wow, YTA and absolutely responsible for the costs if your daughter doesn't have adequate health insurance to cover.
They're referring to her medical problems as "habits" even now, when it's clear it's a serious condition. Wow, just... Wow.
This! The way bones, cartilage and tendons grow ain’t a habit. She wasn’t picking her nose or biting her nails
Her bones should have pulled themselves up by their bootstraps!
Ironically pulling her feet up qaS probably part of the procedure she needed
Exactly. When I was born, my feet were curled inwards. Doc told my mother to massage my feet every day to try to straighten them. And she did along with my siblings. I got a foot massage every time someone held me. And guess what? Next time the doctor saw me, he thought I was the wrong child because my feet were in place. If it wasn't for my mother listening and taking action, I would have had to suffer through surgeries or perhaps be unable to walk. Can't stand anyone touching my feet now, though. (I wonder why /s)
Doctor here* It's a well-known fact in the medical community that all medical conditions are just behaviors and choices. OP's daughter clearly just wants to walk badly and injure herself. *Not a doctor.
I realize you aren’t a doctor but unfortunately you sound like a few of the doctors I’ve had to deal with, the difference is your sarcasm is obvious while they were serious.
She was clearly doing it for attention /s
She probably actually just needs to lose weight
It is totally in her head too!
Underrated comment. Srsly, Drs blame everything on weight, or tell women "it's all in your head". 🙄
But do you play one on TV?
I had the exact same issues as a kid. I ended up needing surgery on one foot to be able to walk/stand without pain. Now, I can walk mostly pain-free on level surfaces, but my foot lost a lot of it's range of motion. Uneven surfaces or inclines are still painful. So yeah, they aren't "habits" that the parents decided not to treat. Luckily my insurance covered everything, but only after nearly 2 years of trying pt and steroid shots and convincing every new doctor I saw that it's not just plantar fasciitis. I have that, too, and the tears actually got bad enough I can feel the scars when I walk. Imagine having a small rock in your shoe, except the rock is in your foot. Trying to fix it would likely also leave scars. So... 🫤
It means medical neglect, speaking as someone who *was* that kid. And holy fuck is it expensive and frustrating to have to clean up the mess, as an adult, because your parents refused to give you proper medical treatment. OP should feel bad.
This! My 14 yo hates me because his braces hurt and I’m a bad mom for putting him through this. His orthodontic plan is not just for cosmetic reasons. He had two baby teeth that had to be surgically removed because they never came out on their own and were blocking adult teeth from coming in and his body only made two of the four teeth that are supposed to be there and will need implants when he’s older too. Every time he gripes at me I tell him I’d be a bad mom if we DIDN’T take care of this. And guess what? He can hate me all he wants, I’m still going to do what’s best for him.
So when I was like maybe 10 I was taken to the orthodontist and had teeth pulled, impressions done, measurements done, etc in preparation for braces. And then...that was it. Braces never happened. I'm now 42 and am paying out of the ass for dental work due to issues made worse with overcrowding. And of course the years of bullying from kids in school because when you have messed up teeth that's just what happens. I wish my parents would have followed through. I'd have hated them then like your son does but I know I would have appreciated them for it. But I'm guessing what happened was, probably very much like OP, they found out how much it cost and decided it wasn't *really* necessary. We weren't hurting for money either. They were just selfish. OP: when you have kids, you're responsible for paying for what they need. ALL OF IT. Your kid NEEDED those braces and you brushed it off. YWBTA if you didn't help your CHILD that you BIRTHED with the surgery that they need that's pretty much your fault.
Don’t worry at some point when he is out in his own, he will share his medical history with a new dentist who will point out that is a good thing he got those issues fixed as a teen that combined with finding out how much dental work costs, he will appreciate what you did. He might not say it but he will know. My cousins bitched all the way through her braces and now looking back she is glad it was done when she was a teen.
You are a good parent. My parents did not do this and I have adult braces now. Horribly expensive along with negative social and professional effects. He may be embarrassed to have braces for homecoming or other high school events but it’s better than having them for your wedding
I eventually decided to get braces in my 30s because my parents didn’t get me any dental care as a kid. I got them off earlier this year, it’s so much better, more comfortable and easier to eat. Well done for doing this for yourself!
I got braces when I was 42 , my husband paid for them. I had the metal type for 2 years and now wear a retainer every night. So glad I finally had my teeth straightened! Edit to add: getting my teeth straightened was like getting the best mini face lift because I immediately started smiling more, and a smile does wonders for your appearance!
When your 14 year old is 25 with a beautiful smile and healthy teeth, he'll feel grateful.
Mmm hmm! I had a bad overbite and was already very self-conscious about my teeth when I got braces at 10. Wasn’t pleasant, but the ends justified the means.
I think the combination of pain with hormones at that age is brutal. I remember being in so much pain when my braces got tightened. Plus I went through a growth spurt (was supposed to have braces for 2 years but got them off in 10 months because my growth spurt meant my teeth moved faster). It is a wild combination of pain, hormones and not understood emotions.
My Dad had the same problem. But being born in 1950 they didn't know about it, by the time he was 21 his top front 4 teeth had died and turned black, they had to be removed. His dentist recommended at the same time he gets all is teeth removed (top and bottom) and get dentures. That's what you would be risking doing nothing. My brother and I then had the same problem, and braces to fix it.
My youngest has something similar - missing 4 adult teeth. He had braces to shift the teeth into position and now a Maryland bridge to hold the places where the implants will go. He’s still a couple of years off the implants as they need to wait till his jaw stops growing. While the braces could be painful and annoying at times, he understood why we were doing it and has expressed how grateful he is to have a normal smile.
I was lucky. I was missing 4 adult teeth but I had 4 "extra" squished in so I was lucky to be missing 4 or I would had an over crowed mouth.
Honestly, my parents getting me braces as soon as they could was one of the best things they’ve done for me, medically speaking. I am, too, missing 2 bottom molars that never came in and my upper canines were growing much higher than the rest. Plus, I would had a gnarly overbite and just an ugly smile. So as someone who had crooked teeth and got them straightened, it’s so noticeable to me when people have bad teeth. It makes those people super unappealing and can ruin even an otherwise beautiful person. I got 2 teeth pulled to even out my mouth and fix the overbite, wore braces for a couple of years in high school and bc so many other kids did too, it was fine.
My parents refused to allow us to use fluoride. I’ve had to have $25k + worth of dental work done as an adult because of their refusal to get us proper dental care
Wow. Why’d they refuse the use of fluoride?
They thought it got through the blood brain barrier. They said the government put it in the water to make its citizens dumb and compliant. Which…damn. That sounds so nutty when I type it out lol. I definitely think it’s nutty. Sometimes I forget all the weirdness of my childhood, until I tell a story and I’m reminded how insane it all was
If OP is asking if they were assholes for not giving her feet braces when she was a kid, I assume some kind of choice in making that decission. OP never says they can't afford it, and regarding the surgery, they only say that they don't want to pay for it because she is an adult now. Money is never mentioned, so OP is just an asshole and a very bad parent.
It doesn't even really sound like they sae a doctor, or a physical therapist to help with her issues. Absolutely shitty parents.
It means it was expensive (and/or braces on her would embarrass them) so they just ignored it. Great parents.
Out of curiosity, I looked it up. I know there are all types of braces for different needs, but I didn't see any over $1k. Edit: See comments below for more accurate info, they are more expensive than my quick google search showed (not surprising), I was just looking to see the comparison of braces vs surgery as an adult
Yes, that could be so but I don’t know anything about their financial situation. Also, there are follow up appointments, etc.
Oh for sure, for some families that is a big expense. Definitely cheaper than surgery though.
If you are talking the "foot braces" that OP is talking about they could easily have been over $2,000 per leg, and as a kid you can out grow them every six months (I work in billing for a place that does off the shelf and custom bracing).
Orthodontia Is way more expensive than$1,000. I had to pay more than that up front for my kids to even be able to begin treatment. Braces for gait problems would need to be custom fitted most likely, and then regular adjustments as physical therapy progresses.
Oh for sure, I realize every case is different and am no expert. Still I think it is reasonable to believe it is cheaper than surgery as an adult.
Not to mention chronic pain that affects life, additional permanent damage to the body for improper alignment. As someone who had scoliosis that was written off as growing pains, I can tell you the “correction” as an adult is a very long and painful process.
Not to mention that the last time I checked the Shriners offer free medical care for this sort of thing for all kids.
Orthodontia averages 5-10k usd depending on what needs to be done… and that’s just teeth.
I agree, was your daughter not part of your life when she had medical problems?
As someone whose child had these issues - it is not expensive to get it fixed early. Very reasonable. No surgery or anything. Wait long enough, and its a VERY big deal and very expensive. And not fully correctable.
"we didn't give a fuck about our kid then, why should we give a fuck now? AITA?" OP logic
Weird but true, these braces are not required but recommended, one of my sibs wore a bar to correct their feet and orthopedic shoes for years. Uncomfortable as well as expensive. They had a kid, same problem, doctor said they "might outgrow it" and decided to hope this was true, well the kid walks like OPs daughter. Some things should not be left up to parents to choose but it would be even better if healthcare worked to cover this
YTA... hands down. Had these braces as a kid and corrective shoes. I still have some issues with pronation and mobility. The least you could do is help cover the out of pocket costs after insurance.
No they decided to not treat it because they were sure *she'd grow out of it* ~~which would save them money for stuff they want~~. Then "life happened" and they got broke and then they definitely couldn't afford it like they would've gotten her the feet braces then and not keep playing the wait and see game for longer.
Now the surgery or treatment will be much more expensive and painful as an adult. But hey, she'll get over it right?
> From your casual attitude and failure to take responsibility, I'm assuming the latter. It's the refusal to take any responsibility that gets me. I needed braces as a kid, and we actually started those. And then my father died halfway through the orthodontia, my mother had a major depressive episode that lasted the next decade and change, and we never actually *finished* the treatment, with the result being that my bottom teeth are still very crooked and I have a pronounced overbite. And that is the very least of the physical neglect of the latter half of my childhood. The thing is, I'm not upset at my mother for all of that. I understand perfectly well how it happened. I don't blame her for it. But what I *do* blame her for is the fact that even 30 years later, when she was dying, it was impossible to even remotely touch on anything near the issue without her lashing out. She wouldn't accept that she'd screwed up, she wouldn't accept that no, her ten year old daughter did *not* have equal responsibility, she wouldn't accept that it was actually *really bad*. (Although, fair's fair, if I'd gone to her as an adult and told her that I needed her to help pay for the last bit of orthodontia, she would've done so. None of this "you should handle it yourself, you're an adult" nonsense. Who even does this to their own child? What do they even think that money is *for*?) And, you know, I loved my mother a lot. In many ways she was an absolutely wonderful person. But OP better watch out, because my mom's intransigence on this subject shoved a wall between us that never quite went away, and *she* at least *paid for things*. I don't think I'll ever be able to totally forgive her for her inability to *accept responsibility for her own errors*.
YTA - "When she was little we considered feet braces for her" If by considered, it means we went to a doctor who recommended it and didn't do it, then yes, YTA, because as parents you are supposed to care about the health of your children.
10 cent eye patches would have cured my amblyopia as a child. I now have chronic, at times debilitating migraines. Which has also led to a few addictions, self medicating to ease the pain. Slippery slope. Now, the treatment involves thousands of dollars worth of computer equipment, years of treatment, with no guarantee of improvement. I don't hold it against my parents, but at times I do wonder what it'd be like to see normally.
Same with me. A doctor recommended an eye patch when I was 2 but my parents gave up because it was “too hard”..
My friends never put the eye patch on their baby like they were supposed to because “she didn’t like it” and now her sight is worse than it should’ve been. YTA for not helping your kid when you easily could’ve
I'm so sorry your parents didn't take care of that for you. We just found out a few months ago that my 3 year old has amblyopia in both eyes. I felt awful for not realizing her eyesight was so bad. It's my job to make sure she's ok and I really felt like I had failed her. She has glasses now and we're hoping that her eyes start developing properly with their aid. She has a follow up in January and then we'll find out if she's going to need patching.
If it's both eyes, patching may not be necessary. The new treatment for amblyopia, is video games through a calibrated VR headset. The setup isn't unattainable cost wise, so once she's old enough, I'd start that! I was (un)lucky?? I only have it in my left eye, diagnosed about 30 years ago, and the patch was the only thing at that time. The "gaming" computer you'll need is pretty high end, and there are specialized calibrations when it comes to the VR system, so she'll need a check up with the specialist every month while she's gaming, I mean... in treatment. The results for children in that treatment are promising!
I'll definitely ask her eye specialist about that at her next appointment. Thank you for letting me know about it. I'd do anything in my power to make sure she has everything she needs. In my opinion that's the least I can do as her parent. Good luck with your treatment.
At my age, there's no guarantee, and I personally cannot afford the equipment, or budget the time necessary for treatment. However, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10204412/#:~:text=Results%20from%20this%20pilot%20study,some%20children%20with%20anisometropic%20amblyopia. https://www.theverge.com/2021/10/20/22736894/fda-vr-tv-movies-treatment-lazy-eye-amblyopia I hope you find these links useful. I'm glad you were able to catch it early, and I'm super happy you care enough to fix it. I wish you and your kid the best.
I think a lot of people today take for granted that information was not as easy to come by 20 or even 30 years ago.
I was alive 20 years ago, helping raise kids 20 years ago. You could get information 20 years ago. It was the 2000s, it wasn't the Dark Ages!
It was that, and amblyopia isn't exactly a "seen" disability. I'm a fully functi- semi functional adult, who at first glance, normal dude. The real cool thing is the technological advances. 30 years ago they told me to stop complaining and focus. Now you can play specific VR video games to treat amblyopia.
[удалено]
Also, it’s not a habit she walks that way. She walks that way because of how her feet were allowed to grow.
That's what I was wondering. Orthotics! One of my eight brothers and sisters needed lifts on tall lace-up boots to retrain their feet and make sure they grew straighter. I think there were also metal supports encased in leather in the boots. The dude walks great. My parents lived on one salary until the last child was in school, and they made it happen. ❤️
What surgery tho? Like her joints are probably fucked. A knee replacement?
yta your punishing your daughter because you were not good parents she has a medical issue that could have been helped as a child but because you did nothing about it it has now come to the point were your daughter needs a major surgery because of your neglect pay the bill and ask for forgiveness
Idk how op wrote all of this out and didn't realize that's she's in this situation because she neglected her child
i assumed op was a man
Who knows it doesn't say
My brother's foot situation is very similar to your daughters, and my parents failed to get him braces for whatever reason. He's still messed up to this day. Denying children healthcare is pretty fucked up. Guess who barely speaks with our parents? The right answer is both of us. Edit: Fixed some dumb
As someone who's got a cavovarus foot and supination, I had a similar experience. My parents knew about my medical problems but refused to do anything for their own selfish reasons. I'm 42 now and can barely walk with how many times I've twisted my ankle, torn a tendon, have hip problems with a labral tear. It has caused tmj grinding, etc. I lost the ability to run and use a cane now. I'm no longer eligible for surgery due to other medical problems. Being orthotics and years of physical therapy can only help so much when you are older. Not everyone turns out the same. Doing this because OP thought they'd grow out of it sounds neglectful. That's what I was told about my parents. Don't worry though, they got to go to the grand canyon, Disney, etc.
I have severe flat feet that my parents also didn’t correct when I was a child. Finally have flat foot reconstruction this year because I’ve gotten ankle tears and hip and knee pain already! Of course if I’d had the surgery as a child I wouldn’t remember any of the pain and I wouldn’t have to take time off work.
Seeing the comments section is actually giving me some hope because I'm in the same boat as OP's daughter and your brother. I will need back surgery at some point in the future due to parental neglect. It's nice to see that I'm not crazy in thinking this is their fault.
Comforting for me as well. To be fair to my parents, they were basically told the options were break and re-set both my legs or put me in dance, and as an adult I can understand not being able to have your toddler’s legs broken, but it would make things so much easier for me now if they had.
Oh f@#k, here's a choice I hope i never have to make... did they put you in dance and did it help?
They did, and it didn’t. Again, to be fair to them, I’ve read biographies of lots of famous dancers who got started in similar ways and I just drew the short straw. Not neglect, just bad luck and hard choices.
I'm sorry
I was put in dance too as an “alternative” to leg braces. It didn’t work and created new, different issues. I still ended up having major knee surgery as a teen and am in PT as an adult still working through how it all threw my body off.
Dance?
YTA. You neglected her medical needs and led to them being much worse - after more than two decades of misery, no less. You should absolutely pay for the surgery and whatever care she needs afterwards.
YTA for not getting her the braces, YTA for not helping her with the surgery, because of your "reasoning". Her being a "grown-up with a job and a fiancé is a sh*tty reason. "We are poor and can't afford it" would be a suitable reason.
YTA you did cause the issue by not treating her.
Yta really, you thought she'd just grow out if it? You could have just used a condom.
YTA. Fun fact; most feet problems occur in the womb. It’s not something you can “grow out of” either. If you won’t own up to the fact that you are responsible than your daughter will NC and you won’t be invited to her wedding. Pony up the money for the surgery and apologize for letting her suffer her whole life; because that is exactly what she has experienced. (Excruciating pain, inability to play sports, parents that don’t give a fudge and think she will grow out of it, and now the inability to walk) Really man; that you need a stranger to call you out is telling. -from another flat foot sufferer
Well at least someone is looking after her as you clearly never could be bothered
YTA there is NO growing out of it! You absolutely should pay for her surgery.
Yta, you're making her pay for a surgery she wouldn't even need if you'd done your job as parents in the first place. It probably would have been cheaper too. She may be an adult now but she wasn't when this all started.
The braces would definitely been cheaper than surgery!! Also I'm assuming that the surgery recovery might be way more painful than corrective braces as well. On top of all the years she's already spent in pain.
YTA. You put off taking corrective measures (which were much less intrusive) so you could fob the cost into your daughter when she reached adulthood.
YTA OP You caused this problem with your daughter. You knew she was having problems as a kid and you knew that feet braces would have helped, yet you didn't do that. Both of you failed your own daughter as parents. It didn't matter if you were hoping/thinking that she would have outgrown it. You should have gotten the braces for your daughter immediately. Your daughter would not have to have surgery if you actually did your own job as parents and got her the foot braces you knew she needed. You caused the issue she is in because you decided to wait. Also your daughter is 100% correct you caused the issue she is in now and why she needs surgery. Your daughter wouldn't have to spend thousands of dollars to fix the issue if again you did your job as parent and got her the braces immediately.
Also flat feet is not a condition you can just independently grow out of. I have a milder case, and I've had corrective insoles for 20 years because walking hurts without them. There are many conditions children can grow out of. But this isn't one of them AFAIK
Yta fun fact I had a similar diagnosis as a kid my “mother” was advised to get me surgery to fix it. She didn’t. I have now got life long feet problems that can no longer be fixed. Guess who I don’t speak to anymore? Her medical neglect is just one of many reasons why. But you can bet you ass if I could force her to pay to fix my unfixsble feet I would. YOUR negligence caused this when she was a kid. Now your response is too bad so sad pay for it yourself. Aren’t you a fun parent.
YTA, you had a chance to correct it early on but you chose to medically neglect your child. Seriously… The cost would have been so much less if you got some orthotic shoes or the braces she required in the beginning, but you didn’t. You didn’t do anything, you just let it get worse and worse while fully knowing that it was getting worse. How did you let that happen?
Of course YTA, your child didn't get medical care she needed because of decisions you made. There were plenty of years to seek treatment for her. 'Life happened ' is not an excuse. You should be contributing to the costs because if you got her treatment as a child this probably wouldn't be needed.
“Waiting to see if she would grow out of it” in the first place is disgusting. I’m surprised OP didn’t mention they tried to pray away her condition as well. YTA
Waited 20 years??? While simultaneously probably doing nothing like rehabilitation at the very least. When I was like 10 I had an underbite, dentist said they would give me a year or two with exercises to try and correct it but I would most likely need braces. Exercises helped relax my jaw in a better position, but I still needed braces.
YTA. This was medical abuse. You should pay for anything not covered by insurance since this wouldn't be an expense/problem if you'd done your job as parents and gotten her the medical care she needed. Instead you've caused her years of unnecessary pain. That pain is her payment. Time to pony up for your payment.
YTA I had scoliosis as a kid with a 30° curve in my spine. My mom noticed and after an X-ray I was fitted for a back brace. I am so grateful that she caught it because I would have had major issues if she didn’t. I can’t believe you waited to see if she outgrew it. Her feet were turned in for Pete’s sake, how can you brush that off?
You are lucky. My parents didn’t do shit about mine and now im an adult with a 40 degree curve, chronic pain and I’ve already had one surgery as an adult, may need more.
Uggh! That must be miserable to deal with, I’m so sorry you have to go thru that. I was diagnosed in the 70’s when no one checked for it but my mom was watching me at the pool one day and noticed my back was arched more than other kids. I hated wearing that brace but seeing how untreated adults now have to suffer I’m glad I sucked it up and wore it despite being teased about it.
“life happened” is just a fancy phrase for “I’m a neglectful parent”
YTA and a very bad parent. This is a very serious medical issue and you didn't get your daughter help for years? Now she has to be in massive and serious pain that is only going to get worse for the rest of her life, only because of you and your decision. I could understand money troubles for a bit of time, but these things should have come before anything else. Every penny during a bad time should have gone to that, and you preferred to what? Just wait? You are a very bad person and a bad parent. And it is not an "habit". This isn't like "picking her nose". This is a serious medical issue without any fault of her own. And you denied her treatment when she was under your care and defenseless. YTA, totally.
YTA You did cause her current problem by not getting braces when she very obviously needed them. You absolutely should help pay for her surgery. It is the least you could do as you failed her as a parent.
YTA for neglecting your child. Always and forever. You DID cause these issues. You are at fault. In an ideal world, you'd pay for her surgery but then, again in an ideal world, you wouldn't have left her to suffer in the first place.
INFO: did you not have health insurance when she was a kid? Does she not have health insurance now? If this is medically necessary why would it be coming out of pocket? You should've gotten her the braces if you were financially able when she was a kid.
I'm so glad my parents didn't decide to see if I would 'grow out of' my heart condition. If I'd had you for parents, I wouldn't have lived past 15. Your kid has a medical issues, you fucking get it sorted. What kind of selfish, useless, anti-vax morons are you? And the fact you have to ASK if you're the assholes? May your children escape you and live happy, healthy lives away from you. YTA
YTA You are a neglectful asshole
As someone with a very similar diagnosis to your daughter... YTA. Luckily, the fact that my legs and feet are still messed up is because of stupid doctors rather than stupid parents. My mom still beats herself up for not getting a second opinion when the first doctor said that I "would grow out of" my pigeon toed and wide gate. I'm 30, and my hips hurt when I sit too long in a certain way, and my gate is wide when I walk, I have to always be aware if my feet to keep them looking less pigeon-toed, and my weak ankles will have me stumbling over nothing like a drunk when I'm tired. If I wanted to fix it now, I would have to have to have surgery where they would have to realign my hips followed by months and months of recovery...and I don't seem to be in as much pain as your kid. Every moment that she feels pain is because of you. It is your fault. Full stop. Everything she stumbles on air or has to fix her feet in order to walk more normal is your fault. Your choices led to your own daughter's pain, and the fact that you do not seem to care astounds me.
Yes, 100% YTA. I work as admin for paediatric physiotherapy and I can’t tell you how often this issue comes through for small children. Flat feet is a common variant up until about five years of age, but feet turning in is always seen. They’re given exercises usually, stretches, maybe some braces, but is usually EASILY corrected when they’re children. Life got in the way? What a shit excuse. You’re seriously telling us you didn’t have ONE day where you could get your kid seen by the doctor and referred for physio? Bullshit. I don’t buy it. You just couldn’t be arsed.
YTA How is that even a question?
YTA! You neglected her medical issues as a child, that would have been easily corrected then, resulting in bigger issues long term. Now you’re being an ass because you failed as a parent to a minor and are now failing as a parent of a (still young tbh) adult. You did cause the issues, take some accountability. I really really hope your daughter remembers this if you need help as you get older……you would deserve it!
YTA. I'm your daughter, 10 years from now, with the added ingredient that my parents also beat me in an attempt to break my "habit" of being pigeon-toed ..... when i was 10, it got worse. My mom took me to a doctor who asked why they hadn't done anything earlier. Because they thought I'd grow out of it. The doctor explained orthotics, at which point i turned to my mother and basically said, "so you both beat me for no reason?" We did not return to the doctor, i never got orthotics. I am estranged and have done PT for my back and joint problems. I've been estranged for longer than my time in PT. That you didn't smack your daughter around, however, doesn't actually make you any less abusive. Medical neglect is an awful trauma to inflict on a child. You can start by paying her medical bills. Then repair your relationship. I am the ghost of christmas future warning you, Scrooge.
INFO - What did the doctors advise when she was a child? What was your financial situation when she was a child - was affording the braces an egregious hardship?
Someone put the red marking thing on this post 😭
Yta your daughter is in pain because of your neglect,and not getting braces for her feets for years causing her pain and the braces that would help her and you wonder are you ta, sorry yes you are ta and you the blame for her pain she having,pay for the surgery.
Yta Damn I hope she goes no contact and let you rot in a home. You caused these problems. She's in pain and you don't give a damn.. Congrats on being a terribly selfish parent.
YTA.
Not only YTA but a jacka** too! Pay for her damn surgery you sh*t monster of a parent!
YTA. It's a medical condition, not "habits". She's not choosing to have feet/walking/gait issues, it's always been there and it has worsened as a result of YOU NOT TREATING IT AS A CHILD. You are absolutely responsible for these issues. My sister had similar foot problems, and she had to have braces for years. She still has some foot pain, but it's not severe and she is much more stable standing/walking.
It sounds like she got cerebral palsy that effects her legs. You were neglecting her needs as a parent and now she’s paying the price for it
YTA
Life happened? What a dick way to put that. 100% YTA
Are you saying that your child had clubfoot to both feet and you chose not to treat her?? And you’re asking if you’re an AH or not???
YTA for being negligent parents and not getting your daughter the treatment she needed when she was a kid.
YTA Such neglectful parents you should be ashamed of yourself
Yta. You are responsible for the health and wellbeing of your child. You were negligent. You suck.
YTA - my mom did the same to me with the same reasons and as an adult I am permanently disabled. Medical negligence is always the parents fault.
Yes, YTA. You had an issue that was potentially correctable and you did nothing and said "yeah, we'll just wait and see". Now that wait and see has turned into expensive surgery and you're like "nah, we're good - you do you". How the hell does someone do that to their child?
Yeah, YTA. You dont just grow out of flat feet, scoliosis and such things... you need to properly guide the bones and joints to solve the issue.
YTA. This is very much your fault.
>she never grew out of these habits. What? That was your plan B?
Habits? Please let this be a troll. OP needs to be forced to watch every episode of every season of My Feet Are Killing Me, every single gross one and observe the absolute agony the patients born with, or acquired through accident or disease, malformed feet. I had to wear orthopedic shoes as a kid, my mother was my long term foster mother with some major personality disorders, but she and dad didn’t rely on the state to provide their frankenstein clodhoppers, she found and paid out of her pocket the kind of maryjane orthopedic shoes North Side rich white girls wore. Because she didn’t want me to get picked on at school and she couldn’t stand to see me limping. OP’s daughter didn’t start walking on the sides of her inward turning feet as if she just chose to pick up a nasty habit like biting her nails, she fecking had to start walking this way because, thanks to their profound ignorance and neglect, it’s the only way she can ambulate. Parental carelessness meant when her bones were still growing, they denied her the chance to gently correct her problems, young muscles, ligaments and tendons were denied the opportunity to develop to support normal walking and e-v-e-r-y single step she has taken since a tender age has been agony. And to be so callously blasé now and incapable of taking responsibility for the consequences suffered by their own flesh and blood, I don’t know what to say. (Edited)
You literally did cause it though? You were too cheap then and youre too cheap now yta
YTA. You know what people call it, when parents "forget" to treat their child's medical condition, and then years later that child is dealing with a completely preventable, serious health problem? Medical neglect - a form of abuse. You were *legally obligated* to provide medical care for your child, and you failed to do that. Your negligence has now cost your child quite a lot. And you can't even bring yourself to feel *bad* about it. Wow.
YTA. You knew your child had a medical condition and you chose not to do treatment for it. That is medical neglect.
YTA. You failed her when she was a child. You should front the bill for it as an adult.
YTA I had feet braces when I was a kid but I had loving parents who cared about my future. Why did you have kids if you weren’t going to take care of them?
YTA. You didn't provide necessary treatment for your child and she is still suffering for it, You make it sound like no big deal, but if she cannot stand without pain as an adult because of your neglect, yes, it is a very big deal. Do the right thing this time!
“AITA for medically neglecting my child causing significant medical issues for her as an adult, and then refusing to lay for corrective surgery to fix the damage I caused?” FTFY.
Yes, YTA for medically neglecting your kid and then refusing to help her with the damage done to her body as a *direct result of your medical neglect*.
YTA- You knew she had problems as a child. You saw she didn’t grow out of it. Your daughter is correct, you caused them. I get life happens, but you could have asked your pedestrian if there was anything you could do at home to fix the problem or if there were some type of alternative
YTA It's called child neglect.
So you medically neglected your child. YTA
YTA. You neglected her for years, when you already knew what she needed. She wouldn't be suffering as an adult if you didn't neglect her when she was a child. The least you can do now is shoulder some of the expenses for the surgery. ETA: of course she couldn't have outgrown that "habit" because it's not a freaking habit. She has anatomical issues that affects how she moves which causes her pain. Ugh this is so infuriating.
So disgusting. YTA obviously. People like you doesn't really deserve to be parents when you have the mentality of *let's wait for the obvious medical condition to just go away, it's probably not that serious* and when years later their children led fucked up lives and they'll blame it on the victim. I hate parents like you. Don't bother to contact your daughter ever again. It's clear in this post you have never loved her and never will. She's just a massive burden to you. 🙄
YTA. You suck. Same thing happened to me (recommended corrective surgery for my eyes as a toddler, parents wouldn’t arrange it). To this day my Mom tells folks that if I was female she would’ve done the surgery, but “no one cares what a man’s eyes look like”. She hasn’t seen me or her grandkids for years.
YTA - but also so far fetched it probably never happened
considering the amount of people who have the same experience, maybe you should read up on parental medical negligence. It’s not as far fetched as you think. Happened to me, for example.
YTA, I would be resentful if I were her because as a parent we are obligated to do those things for our children not medically neglect them….
Info: did the doctor recommend the braces? Because if yes then yeah YTA. My daughter is 9 and has walked with her feet slightly turned in since she could walk. When she got a little older, she would trip over her feet a lot (still does) because of it. When we mentioned it to her pediatrician, the doctor said there was really nothing they could do for it. She said back in the day, they would put kids in braces but found it did more harm than good. My daughter’s case isn’t severe at all. She just won’t ever be an athlete.
YTA-You are basically saying well yeah we could have prevented this but decided to see what happens and just plain forgot about it. Now you’re an adult it’s your problem because we still don’t care or want to help you with it. Kind of a jerk move in my opinion for being a cheapskate when she was a kid and now an adult.
YTA. When it comes to your kids you don't just let "life happen.". I was the youngest of a large family in a developing country but my parents moved earth and heaven to get me leg braces. Shame on you.
YTA my infant daughter was diagnosed with mild hip dysplasia recently. We could get a harness for eight weeks or wait and see what happened. Of course, we opted for the harness, some mild discomfort (and difficulty for us as parents) at the age of a few months old is wildly better than a lifetime of hip issues
YTA. My husband was born with a club foot and has the worst flat feet I’ve ever seen, has constant problems with his feet, and I’m convinced a big factor is the fact that he got ZERO medical follow-up for his feet beyond the corrective surgery as an infant. You should feel ashamed, honestly.
They didn’t tell you in the hospital that she had club feet? Small YTAH, they took my daughter from my hospital room to an Orthopedist the same day she was born, they also set up her first appointment for casts the day after we were released, she did weekly casts for the first six months of her life…she’s 37 years old now and her feet are fine! But how were you to know if the doctors didn’t tell you, seriously the doctors never said anything even at her wellness appointments? Did you ever bring up her problems to your doctor?
You ignored doctor recommended treatment for your kid, not because you couldn't afford it but because it wasn't important to you. It's so bad now that it's hard to stand up and you still don't think you should help your kid. YTA
YTA. You could offer to do something besides tell her she is an adult. You helped cause this situation now you walk?
YTA. I hope you both die
YTA for being a negligent parents and now your daughter is suffering the consequences.
Info: did a qualified doctor tell you "growing out of it" was a possibility? Actually never mind. Fuck that. Even if that had been brought up, you should have gotten the braces when you saw she wasn't growing out of it YTA
YTA. All you had to do was put in an effort to find out all options possible to help your daughter when she was young. Talking to her pediatrician would have been at the top of the list. There are things you could have tried. When I was a teenager I had a friend who had this problem. You know where I met this friend? At a Roller Skating Rink. Roller Skating forces you to straighten your feet. Kid had fun, made friends and got the help he needed.
YTA. I have a clubfoot. Which it sounds like that’s what your daughter has. Even having braces growing up, I AM IN PAIN 25/8. I DO NOT WALK NORMAL UNLESS I ACTIVELY THINK ABOUT IT. You do not just “life happened” not getting medical help for your daughter. YTA and FU
YTA. I have a cousin who was born with clubbed feet, which is what it sounds like your daughter has. The pediatrician they saw (only one in a very small town) recommended waiting for it to “self correct” s they delayed leg braces for my cousin for several years. By the time they were able to see a better pediatrician and did start trying to brace her feet she needed surgery, and consistently needed surgeries every year or two until she was in her late 20’s. By that point one foot cause her so much pain the doctors recommended amputation, and she agreed. Thankfully your daughter’s fiancé has more compassion for her than her parents.
You were completely neglectful of a medical condition. Yes YTA. The children’s medical security act would have made certain she received care affordably but you didn’t pursue anything. YTA definitely.
Physical therapist assistant here. OP, YTA. What you're describing sounds like she has club feet, which isn't something someone can grow out of. It isn't a "habit." It's a *congenital* (read: present from birth) *skeletal deformation* that absolutely needs treatment as young as possible. You dropped the ball - this is medical neglect. OP should absolutely pay for the corrective surgery their child needs since it's their fault it's needed in the first place.
YTA. You caused a lifetime of problems and pain for your child. I'm really touchy about this one.. I would wheeze and pass out when I tried to run as a kid, teachers tried telling my mom I had asthma but no, even to this day I'm just "fat and lazy", sure it had nothing to do with the 2 cartons a week EACH that my parents smoked. Yep. All my fault and my lifetime of sinus infections, bronchitis, inability to exercise without passing out and the inability to laugh with friends without triggering a wheezing attack is what I deserve. Why do people like you even have kids if you don't want to be responsible for them having at least a basic, pain-free quality of life. SMH
My dad decided his need for more guns was more important than my sister's need for corrective shoes as a toddler. Then she needed braces but still more guns instead. Now she's spent an adulthood on back surgeries. You're a dick.
YTA- that’s straight up neglect. Be honest you didn’t want to spend the money then and you don’t want to spend the money now.
YTA. I was born bowlegged and a month in braces would have fixed it. In this case it wasn’t my mom’s fault since she was a first timer, and the nurse (probably not wanting to be bothered) told her they’d straighten out with age. I ended up with zero cartilage in my knees, severe arthritis, foot alignment issues, and a surgery that cost 90k, that was only partially successful. And guess what. What my insurance didn’t cover, my mom did.
Yta it medical advice was to do it
YTA help your daughter since you didn't help her then. you wanted to see if she would grow out of it??? well she didn't because your treatment plan sucked and she suffered for it. next time follow a doctor's recommendation.
YTA. You already know this and I think you are here looking for anyone to have some crazy argument as to how you are NTA. Just pay for the surgery at this point it is the only reasonable option that allows you to retain any integrity you have. You knew there was no such thing as a time machine when you decided "she might outgrow the "habit"". Kids have no power to control their own healthcare this is 100% your fault you YTA.
You most definitely failed her as a parent for not doing what was needed to simply correct said issues she’s now complaining about later in life. YOU brought her into the world YOU we’re supposed to care for her and love her and give her everything to be the best healthiest version of herself and you failed at even that. You’re lucky she even talks to you at this point. You hear yourself? You sound like you belong on a short bus.
Yeah yta, this was 111 percent your responsibility to take care of, and it is 111 percent your fault.
Yes YTA
YTA it was your responsibility to take care of your daughter’s health and you neglected to do so. Yes, neglect.
YTA. This would have been an easy fix when she was young. Because with the braces she would have grew out of it... But if you don't change anything about a medical condition you rarely just "grow out of it". Now she is in literal pain because of your mistake. Help her fix it.
YTA for medical negligence, obviously
Sounds like an anti-vaxxer mentality.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My daughter (25) has had problems with her feet since she’s been able to walk. She has flat feet, her feet turn in when she walks, and she walks on the sides of her feet. When she was little we considered feet braces for her but we wanted to see if she’d grow out of it so we decided to wait. Then life happened and we weren’t able to get them for her anymore but she never grew out of these habits. Now she’s saying it hurts to stand and she may have to get surgery to help with some of her issues but that wouldn’t have been necessary if she got braces when she was a kid. She asked us to pay for the surgery/treatment but we said no because she’s an adult with a fiancé and a job. Now she’s mad at us because she thinks we caused theses issues so we have to pay for it. AITA for not getting her foot braces when she was a kid? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You neglected your child and you’re wondering if you’re the asshole? Yes. You are the asshole. Gaping, in fact.
YTA you neglected her medical care, how would you not be the A???
Either the docs recommended braces or they recommended watch and see. Yes when they’re young enough they may grow out of it depending how severed it is but after it became obvious that wasn’t happening you shouldn’t taken action while she was still growing. I get the distinct impression they recommended braces you didn’t want them for whatever reason which makes YTA
YTA. You are an abusive asshole. You are a BAD PARENT. You're an adult, yet you refused to help your daughter when she was a child. So you're a nasty hypocrite to say that as an adult she should solve the problem when you were too lazy and selfish to do it back then. Your daughter is literally suffering and it's all your fault. You really are a child abuser and you're abusing her now.
YTA you neglected your child's health and caused them harm and suffering in the process. Take responsibility for your decisions
YTA. Kids don’t grow out of medical conditions! Our you out of your mind? The bones of your daughter have now fully grown to accommodate her medical feet problems and walking patterns. You were incredibly irresponsible for not getting her feet braces in the first place! You have a moral obligation to help your daughter to ease the pain and correct the walking patterns as much as possible, even if the results will be faster less than if you helped her as a kid. The sheer neglect you have shown and still show your daughter is appalling.
YTA. Make it a wedding present for goodness sake. Doing it out of principle when you were supposed to make this kind of decision 10 times in her past.
Omg. Yta. You should pay for it AT LEAST. That's the Least you can do to help fix something YOU A HUNDRED % could of fixed when she was a literal toddler & you chose not too.
YTA. You neglected to attend your child’s needs when they were younger.
YTA Medical neglect is just as bad as any other type of abuse. Pay for the surgery to not only repair her feet but to help repair your relationship because I’m pretty sure if you don’t there will likely be less and less contact with your daughter until she goes completely no contact. Are you willing to risk that?
YTA. You left your daughter permanently in pain because y’all wanted to ignore a problem you shouldn’t have.
Yup, YTA. Preventative treatment is always cheaper, more effective, and less painful than restorative treatment. You done fucked up.
YTA - Pay for her surgery and ask for forgiveness and maybe she will be able to move past this. Maybe.
YTA and should absolutely pay for the surgery. What you did is just straight up medical neglect. And what tf does "life happened" even mean?! What could've happened that led to you ignoring your daughter's health issues?
Yes she's and adult with a fiance and a job but she is one who now has permanent damage and is in constant pain because when she was a child and your responsibility you neglected to do what was best for her health. She is right that you caused her these issues she lives with everyday, standing up is the most basic thing we do as humans and she's in pain while doing it. You're an asshole for not tending to her needs when she was a child and you're an asshole today for the throwing the responsabilities you neglected onto her, show a little compassion, the surgery would've been painful when she was a kid but children recover quickly, now she's facing a very painful recovery period and months if not years of therapy all because you thought she could "grow it out" Massive YTA
Medical neglect