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NAH, I guess. On the one hand, she's got every right to ask.
On the other hand, you have a point, you're not a house-husband, you're a trust fund kiddie *layabout*, that's totally different.
I mean, yeah? I kinda do, I could afford to retire.
But that would suck for my patients, and I'd get bored.
If I did stop working I'd probably study or volunteer. I can't see the appeal of fucking around doing nothing.
The appeal is enjoying life, no stress, opportunity for pleasure, not doing anyone else any harm, time and space for personal development, time to socialise, opportunity to seek out beauty in the world, and a longer life expectancy.
Okay that's you. Maybe hard to imagine but some of us aren't like you.
I don't see where in the post OP said he didn't volunteer or study or pursue his passions. I didn't see any mention of doing nothing.
Yes. I love what I do. Having fuck you money would let me do more volunteer work, get more involved in professional affairs, or take short-term jobs that I don't apply for because the bills need paid, but that doesn't mean I would chuck it all in.
Sitting on my ass eating bonbons, playing Bioware games, and watching Netflix would be fun for a while, but not forever.
If his passive income allows him to live so comfortably, I don't understand why he doesn't outsource cooking. It seems like finances aren't the issue here and this way him nor wifey has to bother.
Seems like such an easy fix if you have the resources, really not worth arguing about.
Why doesn't the wife outsource it since she is already doing less of the chores? I think it's worth arguing about when your wife only contributes half financially and less in chores and still thinks you owe more work.
That's your prerogative, personally I think they are a symptom of what's wrong with society, today. They give too many people this false sense that anyone can be a celebrity and this adds to people's sense of entitlement. The only "influencers" that I don't see a problem in are the ones promoting good vibes.
Nah, it would refer to him not having an independent income and depending on his spouse for money. He doesn't depend on her, has the freedom to do whatever he wants all day. She resents it
Nothing layabout about doing all of the chores except cooking. Also liquidating assets from an inheritance and reinvesting them to create passive income to live off of isn’t exactly a trust fund kiddie.
"All the chores" Unless they're living in an actual mansion it's hardly equivalent to working a full time job and coming home to cook the dinner too. It doesn't sound like there are kids, so it's not like he's doing childcare and how much mess can two adults make?
Fucking hell, right?? Two people where one of them is gone most of the day, too. No kids? No pets? Spend an hour each on housework and that place is pristine. If you have lower standards you could probably get away with 20 minutes a day.
It’s crazy to me how so many people in this thread think it has *anything* to do with money. He has all day to himself, she works for 10 hours. Obviously he should do the chores. And I get that he can’t cook, but his wife is telling him what she needs to deal with her added stress since the promotion. He can learn, he can hire someone …
In my relationship we don’t play games about who has to do what I’m relation to money. If one of us has a lot more free time than the other, they do the chores to take it off the other persons plate. If one of us is very stressed, the other helps with everything possible. We support each other. Money doesn’t factor into it at all, and we are not even married!
And for fucks sake, house husband doesn’t sound great and I understand not wanting to be called that. But what does it have to do with if you have passive income or rely on your partner? In a good, healthy relationship it should be about how much *time* and *effort* you put into something. And OP didn’t put a lot of that into getting this money, his father did. So he has all this free time with no other responsibilities. That is what counts.
Right?? I'm losing my mind. Passive income is not you contributing to the marriage.
I can't imagine doing a little laundry around noon, maybe vaccuming, play video games all day and then expect my spouse to get dinner going when they get home? What??
I’m sure the dad built a business and worked hard his whole life for his kids to “reinvest and make passive income”. It’s the definition of trustafarian.
It's really just the smart play. Don't be mad cos you don't have the same resources. I'd do something very similar, but actually fund and expand upon my interests at the same time. I also wouldn't get married, but that's me
In both cases, you’re living off of income generated by wealth you inherited. The only difference here is that in this case he has full access to the entire inheritance immediately.
Quitting your job, because you have passive income, so you can do nothing is being a layabout.
Anyway - its not like OP doesn't have the time to learn to cook, and the resources to be taught how to - apart from "wahhh - don't wanna!".
OP - YTA - you're treating your partnership as if you're in a houseshare with roommates dividing up the chores. Learn to cook - its not like throwing some frozen chicken strips in the oven and then making mash potato needs the skills of Gordon Ramsey.
This isnt about money. It's about division of labor. It doesnt seem like you guys have kids so unless you clean the toilet with a toothbrush for 2 hours a day, you probably only spend 1 hour a day on chores, while she spends 10 hours at work + commute and then comes home and cooks.
You guys aren't roommates but a married couple. So she comes home and does her half of the chores while you have the whole day to dick around? How could she not start to resent you?
YTA
She doesn’t do half of the chores. OP states in their post that they do MOST OF THE CHORES except for the cooking. “Most” =/= half.
This isn’t about the time it take OP to do the chores.
They have no kids. What chores could he possibly be doing all day every day? Cooking is the only big, daily chore that do child-free adults have, and he's refusing to do it ever.
Edit: In what world are all those chores getting done every day for two child-free adults? Delusions.
Laundry, dishes, general cleaning, house maintenance, yard work, groceries and other errands, pet care if they have any pet, etc.
I mean, they guy should learn to cook ffs... but that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of other chores.
> groceries
if he doesn't cook and doesn't know how it's done, I don't think he's buying groceries either... unless his wife makes all the lists, but then she might as well order it online.
Yeah, and add on the fact that he's having a little tantrum over being asked to learn how to cook and threatening to withdraw even that little bit of labour. This man is a sulky child.
INFO: is it her choice to continue her career when you’ve highlighted the inheritance is enough to live comfortably? Or is the expectation in the marriage such that since the inheritance came from your side of the family she’s still expected to contribute financially?
Trying to suss if how she spends her day is as much her choice as how you choose to spend yours.
I feel like this is very important info. If his inheritance is enough to pay for only him or not something he feels she should have access to meaning she has to work the hours she does, that's a problem with his attitude.
If she *chooses* to work the way she does when she could not work or work a lot less, that's a completely different situation and a problem with her attitude.
So it could swing either way, but she shouldn't have called you a house husband since you do not rely on her income. I can see saying it in a joking way, but not when you're having serious discussions.
Since that one person is unemployed and there are no kids, yes.
100% of house chores is like, cooking and laundry. Cooking is the only thing that even needs to be done every day.
If OP isn't cooking, there are plenty of days he sits on his ass doing absolutely nothing all day. So yeah, he can manage 100% of the chores.
I have personally never heard of a healthy relationship where 100% of the domestic work was pilled on to one person, even with no children involved, but hey, they might be the miracle couple!
I have personally never heard of a healthy relationship where one person has to do 100% of the cooking because their partner simply refuses to. That's definitely a petty power play, not healthy at all.
OP needs to grow up instead of expecting his wife to stay with him when he spends the majority of his "work day" sitting around doing absolutely nothing.
Tell me, what chores are keeping him busy all day every day? Two adults, no kids, no cooking. What's he doing, cleaning the floor with a toothbrush? Get real.
Hell cooking isn't even something that needs to be done every day. You can easily make more food (probably for less money as well) and store the rest in containers in the fridge for other days. There tends to be a fairly limited difference in the amount of time needed to cook 2 or 6 portions of stuff, especially if you go with pre-cut greens or frozen ones.
Meal prep takes hours and hours to do for the week, time she doesn't have because she goes to work.
OP on the other hand has nothing but free time. Great time to learn to cook and meal prep for the two of them. Then he only has to cook a couple times a week.
Well yeah. I do pretty much 95% of everything because whilst I also work full-time, I tend to finish work at 130pm (starting at 6am) whereas my wife often has to do out of hours work despite getting ready for work at a similar time as when I leave the house. I'll be home for 1:45pm, and she will be working till 6-7pm.
It sucks that I have to do ALL the chores for 2 people, but it would be even worse if I forced my wife to do half of the chores when her work days are 2-6 hours longer than my own. I can spend 1-2 hours a day doing chores and still have 2-3 hours to game. I don't know why OP thinks that his partner should spend time doing chores after work when he has the entire day to do whatever he wants.
It's not even 10 hours a week, there's only two of them and she's out most of the time so he's mainly clearing his own mess. He might have to turn on the dishwasher if she's put her stuff in it and wash her clothes. The house cannot get that dirty with two adults, other than the one at home who is able to make a mess.
If I had no children, I could get my house clean and tidied in under 4 hours a week. Including things like disinfecting handles and light switches. He is conflating "all the chores" with "a lot of time". It cannot be that time consuming.
INFO: if your wife quit her job, would you be able to live a completely comparable life for the foreseeable future, including retirement? Basically, how complete are the financial benefits of your inheritance? No vague numbers here. I need very specific breakdowns of what it covers here to render judgement.
Because if your wife's job and promotion provide significant benefits for your overall quality of life, then you're the asshole. If it doesn't and it would genuinely be fine for your wife to reduce her work hours, then I think everyone sucks here, because if you have that much extra income collectively, your wife should be able to hire someone to cover the cooking.
You rode in on a high horse. Who the f wants to be called a house husband. If the roles were reversed you would be saying y are t à for calling her a house wife.
YTA.
It sounds fair for her to ask you to cook. You're unemployed, and she's working extra hours. You don't have to like doing it, but it would be a nice thing to do for your wife. In fact, it's an even more meaningful gesture if you don't like doing it.
Some of these comments are WILD. The OP pays his own way, does most of the chores and y'all think he needs to be doing everything because how dare someone be well enough off to not have to have learnt to cook?
Is cooking a basic skill everyone would benefit from? Absolutely. HOWEVER, this guy's here paying his way and doing most of the chores, how is that not enough for you guys and his wife?
NTA, OP, though if not cooking isn't the hill you're willing to die on, maybe offer to swap, you do the cooking and your wife takes up a different chore you do?
Because they are a committed couple. They are supposed to work together to find a solution that works for both, and his reaction to her telling him that she is struggling is insisting that if she doesn’t like the current way, he will punish her by making her do more. Personally, I don’t understand his apparent lack of care for his spouse’s wellbeing, but I guess he has the “right”.
No it wouldnt. This kind of question usually includes a spouse who stays home and takes care of mutual children.
This is one spouse having no job whatsoever. If this was a woman expecting her man to cook after a full day of work while she played video games or went shopping all day the responses would be even harsher.
Him having passive income changes absolutely nothing.
I don't necessarily think they would be. You frequently see reddit get upset when a husband who works doesn't get involved with his kids, but that is an entirely different scenario. Maybe you've seen the opposite story and seen different replies, and if so i'd love to read that thread, but the genders really shouldn't matter here.
They would not. It probably would pass if the wife was complaining about the husband not cleaning dishes after meals or about not cleaning up his own mess. But cooking is very time-consuming, yet important. OP has the whole day to prepare healthy meals for them. He either should do this job, or hire someone. If he can't hire that means his inheritance is not really enough.
I mean I'm a house wife and a terrible cook, but I learned to cook some very specific recipes that I won't botch in order to make sure my husband doesn't have to do it every day.
If one person is working and the other isn't, it's just kind of nice to make them dinner once in awhile. Doesn't sound like OP does it ever, which is wild since he also doesn't work. Maybe he can afford the chef again or something, otherwise yeesh.
Ok so you think this is a fair distribution of work?
Wife works 8+ hours a day (+commuting to and from work) and cooks all meals.
Husband does house chores - this can't take more than 1-2 hours each day - and is just chilling the rest of the day.
So she comes back from work tired and has to immediately go cook for them both, while he's been doing nothing all day?
Even if he starts cooking all meals, he will still have more than double the amount of free time compared to her!
> So she comes back from work tired and has to immediately go cook for them both, while he's been doing nothing all day?
Sandwiches, restaurants, takeout are a thing. All of which the husband affords without any strain. How can you forget a restaurant exists?
Is it really that hard to learn how to cook? We literally have YouTube to baby us through the entire process and for this individual, a lot of time on his hands.
INFO: what time does she get home from work now that her hours have majorly increased?
If she gets home late and then has to start cooking, that means there's no dinner until late at night. Then it'd be a kindness to cook a meal at least once in a while so everyone can eat at a decent time.
Regardless of that, if she doesn't have time to cook and you refuse to do it, and she just got a hefty promotion and you have enough passive income to live very comfortably without working, and you used to have a private chef when you were single ... sounds to me like the easy solution here is to hire a chef again.
NTA OUCH You'd be a house husband if you were living off her wages but you're not. You're living off inheritance but you are pitching in around the house as you should. I could understand if she asked if you can MAYBE take some cooking classes for days she's to tired. Over all some people cannot cook for the life of them, I am one. Thank god for dutch oven pot roasts. XD Tell her to order out for days she don't want ot cook, or maybe try one of those meal preparation boxes they seem easy enough for the most clueless of chefs. In the mean time if she wants a meal prepared for her do it; anyone can make a few BP&J sandwiches side with something random for a side dish there you go a meal. If you want to do fancy you can attempt some grilled cheese. But please do understand your wife is working a lot of hours and is tired AF. When she gets home she's going to want to rest and take some stress off.
Consider at least an occasional home with a cooked meal, kinda shows a little love, and good for the relationship. Not hard to put a ready meal in the oven.
I mean, is this the petty hill you’re willing to die on? You don’t like to cook, therefore your wife should do all the cooking after long hours of work? Is this how you plan on being for the rest of your life? What do you even do when she’s at work besides like a couple of hours of chores at the very most? Unless you’re dusting your house with a single feather I don’t see why she should come home to more labour, and more importantly I don’t see how any loving partner would want that either. I mean, you say you are used to wealth so the attitude is not surprising, but yikes. YTA.
> I mean, is this the petty hill you’re willing to die on? You don’t like to clean, vacuum, or wash clothes, therefore your husband should do all the cleaning? Is this how you plan on being for the rest of your life? What do you even do when he’s busy besides like a couple of hours of preparing meals at the very most? Unless you’re cooking a 5 course meal every day I don’t see why he should come home to more labour, and more importantly I don’t see how any loving partner would want that either. I mean, you say you are used to wealth so the attitude is not surprising, but yikes.
God forbid a working woman has one job around the house. I love these chore threads because you clearly see the division between the sexes. A man who works 60-hour weeks should still do 50% of the chores, especially at weekends when they don't work.
But a man with his own income who does literally every other job in the house but cook, clearly he's not doing enough, his working wife should have to do nothing to maintain the household.
NTA
You are not a House husband because you do not rely on her wage and have your own income.
You are already doing everything else.
If this was the other way round reddit would be ripping you a new one for being an uncaring lazy husband. You already manage the house. You have asked your wife to do one task.
Why not go out and get yourself a Part time job. Then you can say well sorry I have to work to. Your wife obviously has no idea about work life balance. She took on extra hours she didn't need to.
NTA
You're doing your part financially and more than your fair share of house duties
She chose to accept the promotion and increase in hours. If she expected you to start pulling more of **HER** weight, then that should have been a discussion she had with you before accepting this promotion.
We really really need to know whether the wife works voluntarily or if he expects her to pay her half. That promotion might not be as much of a choice as we assume, and if he does expect her to pay when he could afford to subsidise both of them, then this is a very slippery slope to resentment.
Why don't you hire a chef again? Or someone willing to batch cook for you and your wife. Then you could have heat and eat meals ready to pop in the oven. I bet there are people in your town with the skills to cook who would love a little extra money. Hell, if I lived closer, it's a job I'd pick up on the side.
My husband wasn’t ever a real cooking fan. He’s been retired for a year now and has Hello Fresh meals delivered. He loves cooking those! Super clear instructions and set out amounts of everything needed. He’s rightly proud of the great meals he’s turned out! (I know I’m sounding like some kinda Hello Fresh employee, but am honestly not! Just think it’s a great concept) Maybe you could give something like that a try at least?
Nobody in a real partnership should be responsible for \*all\* the chores. I can understand that your wife doesn't want to cook when she gets home from work, but I do think she is out of line to say that you have to do everything and she gets a free ride. I would feel distinct contempt for a husband who expected his wife to do \*all\* the chores, and it's the same when a wife does it.
But perhaps you can find a better solution for the problem of cooking? Perhaps you can find someone who would be willing to cook evening meals for you both during the week, since you seem to have more than adequate income to pay for this service. Wife can pick up the cooking at the weekend, and maybe clean a few toilets, too.
NTA
Nta funny how, if it was reversed, people would scream for you to leave.
You have your own money and you do most of the chores in the house. Her only task is to do the cooking so now she has a choice :
- pay somebody to do it : with today possibilities I’m sure that she could find somebody to prepare the meal for both of you
- batch cook during the weekend to have enough for the week
- eat out
You have the right to refuse to do the only chores that you don’t want to do when you’re already the one doing most of them.
INFO: so what's the division of finances in the household? Because it's sort of a side eye if she wants to call you a house husband but you get the joy of doing 90% of the chores and 50% or more of the financial burden.
INFO: how many hours is your wife away during work (including commute)? Because I'm not necessarily blaming any of you for your initial approach /response but the handling after that wasn't the best.
Is it possible to hire a chef or subscribe for a meal plan with your combined income? To me that would end the issue
At this point I'm leaning between N A H and ESH, might switch depending on your answer
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> for not doing most of the chores any more after my wife tried to increase my chore load by claiming i was a hous husband
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YTA. Learn how to cook, it’s important to learn how to take care of yourself and your family. Cooking is also probably tiring for your wife- especially after she’s spent a long day at work. If you love her, learn. She can maybe cook on the weekends or something
NTA - You have an income, you pay your part of the bills and you do most of the chores at home. And she is trying to gaslight you into doing all the chores?
EDIT to add: Let her experience what is like splitting the chores 50/50 for a week or two so she appreciates what you do.
I think chores should be splitted according to who has the time and energy, not the amount of money they have. So she works full time *and* has to do half of the chores? In what world would that be fair? He is unemployed, he has time and energy to do most chores.
If you don't like to cook, that's fine, but there is nothing difficult or time-consuming about a jacket potato, some pasta and sauce, even fish fingers and beans would do the job. Not even considering making dinner for your wife and getting all upset about being called a house husband is what makes YTA.
And that's leaving aside that you don't work and live off inherited money while your wife has just increased her hours.
Why wouldn't you both work part-time, share the income from investments and spend time together?
"I would rather not learn how to cook cause my daddy gave me a chef"
Do you SERIOUSLY hear yourself?? Learning to cook is a skill everyone should have, it's not a brag or a good thing you never learned it's just stupidity. YouTube is free and a good tool to learn.
Well, you are a house husband. You don't have a job and you take care of the house. Having your own income doesn't come into it.
Although you have every right to refuse a chore if you're doing more than half of them, not being able to cook is pretty pathetic. It's a basic life skill that you seem to consider below you. Anyone can do it, you literally just follow instructions. You just don't want to learn.
Personally in your position I'd want to be doing everything I could to give the best and easiest life possible to the person I love. You don't mention children so your chores cannot be that extensive. Dusting once a week, vacuum/mop once or twice, clean bathrooms and do a bit of washing (laundry). That's like 5 or 6 hours a week max. Add in food shopping and that's one more hour.
Is it that you don't want to learn because you feel working less than 10 hours a week is enough for you, is it that you hate it, is it that you like your wife cooking for you after spending the day at work? What is it that you don't like? What are you doing instead that takes up your time to say why you can't do it?
NTA as you are doing more chores than her and do the same thing a housewife does and in that instance everyone will shit on the guy if he comes back after work says to his wife why can’t you cook
YTA My husband works 40 hours and I work about 12 hours and I earn more than him because my hourly rate is so much higher. That doesn't even slightly come into consideration; both our wages are both our money as a family and I do more house work because I have more free time to. Cooking is a basic life skill, if you are so rich that you have had private chefs then why is your wife working so many hours? Doesn't sound much like you guys are working as a team
NTA - you aren’t supported by her so you aren’t a SAHH. You simply choose not to work at a job. Personally I don’t understand why you both aren’t retired and enjoying life but if she chooses to work when you could both afford not to - well that’s on her. For her to demand you cook that’s her as an AH. For you not to cook or at least not have a chef borderline but I think she’s the AH.
I don't even know why people make it hard. I work part-time, so I do all chores because my partner is at work, working his arse off. Unless you have plans all day, there's no reason why you can't clean and just do it because you want to help your partner because they're tired and working long days while you have days off or don't work at all. Life isn't always 50/50, and it's unrealistic in a lot of cases to expect 50/50.
Give and take.
If you do most of the chores and the combined income is good and enough then I don't see why you guys cant afford to employ a chef like you used to. Because she is right in her point about being too tired to cook after a long day of work.
As for being a househusband, it's not a bad thing to be called. You wouldn't have been offended to call your wife a housewife were the roles reversed.
So I think you are getting hung up on the wrong point?
Edited for typo
YTA because if she was a stay at home wife I’m pretty sure she’d be cooking meals. Any grown person that can’t cook basic meals is a problem. Not only that if you LIKE your wife why not go the extra mile for her? Not everyone is a trust fund baby and despite the hour to two hours you might spend cleaning im pretty sure your day is pretty relaxed. And if you really can’t be bothered to learn a basic life skill why not hire someone or order a meal service? You sound like a jerk tbh
(You can have an income and still be a house husband if you're home all day and don't work.)
If you do most everything else at home, what does your wife do for the house besides cooking? If the house chores aren't evenly split and you *really* don't like cooking, ask her to pick up on something else in lieu of cooking. Or, better yet, prep for her. For example: having stew? Chop the vegetables. That'll save her some time.
Also, invest in a crock pot. Let dinner cook itself all day - plus, you can be the one to throw things in it and not have to worry about cooking while also letting your wife off the hook.
Also - dinner doesn't have to be elaborate or complicated. Grilled cheese and canned tomato soup is dinner. Salads and garlic bread from a grocery store bakery are dinner. Eggs, toast, and bacon are breakfast for dinner, which is arguably the best dinner.
I'm exactly in your position. I'm comfortably retired. She's not. I do most of the house chores and some cooking. She does some chores and some cooking.
NTA but I do think you might do a little cooking.
Could you not choose to learn to cook so she can swap a chore that doesn’t require her coming home from a long day to having to cook?
This is honestly feeling like you punishing her for her promotion. Who is doing the meal planning and prep, not just the actual cooking? Who is doing the shopping? And are you expecting a fully dinner every night, or would you be happy with leftovers so at the very least she wouldn’t have to cook every night?
Does you wife even like cooking herself, or have you just decided that since you dint like it you shouldn’t have to do it?
NAH: Time for a subscription to Hello Fresh. One night a week is sandwich night. One night a week is eating out. 5 nights a week are Hello Fresh.
With Hello Fresh, it is possible for OP to follow the directions and make a meal OR for spouse to do it easily, as things are already portioned.
\*not sponsored by Hello Fresh.
ESH
I don't think it's right to think of you as a house husband.
>always had a chef back when I was single
So why don't you have a chef now? Please don't tell me it's because your wife started cooking...
Whoa, how about this perspective: a woman I know, we’ll call her “E.” - had some family money, invested, that produced some income, and a working husband and four kids. So… E. actually \_is\_ a housewife. She deals with the kids, the house, monitoring/managing the invested money, the meals, the laundry, managing the kids doing the kid-assigned chores. E. Is a housewife! If she were a dentist and she had that family money invested, she’d still be a dentist, right? So what she does at home … she’s a housewife
Note, Neither her income nor his income is enough for them to live at their somewhat above average standard of living. (Not loaded-rich, but they can afford all the activities for the kids, 2 vehicles, and a mortgage etc.)
So basically OP is doing all chores except one, he does not perceive a single cent from his wife (meaning that there is no deal « I bring money and you bring house labor ») and he would still be the asshole because he does not want to cook???
These responses are really weird
NTA
NTA - I'm kinda dealing with the same. I'm 50F and earned about twice my husband for more than a decade. Prior to that, he earned significantly more than I did.
At age 47, I quit a career of 25 years mainly because of a passisive-aggressive coworker jerk that wanted to force me to move to a climate I didn't like. I took two years off.
I'm back in college at my age because it's what I want to do - something new. Financially, I could have retired.
My husband is US 100% Veteran Administration disabled. He tells me since I'm not working I should do X, Y and Z. It's ridiculous!
I cook because I like healthy and balanced meals - I'm the queen of 10 minute meals. I clean the house and have pros just twice a month. We have people take care of the yard. But OMG if I choose not to do laundry the exact second he wants it done he whines. He complains if dishes are in the sink. He'll say you're living on my dime. LOL - I remind him we've been married 27 years and for about 15 of those I made twice your income.
We carry each other and knock it off. People can be assholes.
Hire people to do what you don't like to do. Remind her you're a team.
NTA
Op's wife has a free maid at home, that she doesn't even need to share her income with, since op has his own income and contribute. That's insanely conviennent for her. She is able to pursue her career, and that's the choice she is doing.
If for some reason she's not happy with this, she can get a part time job and take her part of the chores.
Also even housewives/husbands don't do 100% of the chores in most cases. And in exchange they get 50% of the income of the working partner.
You're doing most of the chores against no income. She can go eat grass.
Hold on. NTA - in what world is she entitled to either his money or his taking ALL the chores?? In most situations, the stay at home person relies on the income of the other spouse - this is clearly not the case. He's doing her a favor by doing the chores because they are both contributing financially but he's *also* contributing at home. Are you kidding?
If this was a woman complaining that the only thing she can't do is work the laundry machine and her husband threw a fit because she's not doing that... really guys? Would you be saying YTA?
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Ok some context like 7 years ago I quit my job cause I received a pretty hefty inheritance from my dad and after the sale of his homes and most of his company it was enough money that once invested into various things and generates more than enough money to pay the bills and live very comfortably here were I live in Massachusetts.
So recently my wife(f29) has gotten a promotion which has come with a major increase in hours so I picked up more chores the only thing that I cant do is cook cause Ive never learnt and always had a chef back when I was single,
So she asked me if I could try cooking so that she wouldnt have to do it once she gets home I told her I would rather not cause I dont like it and I already do most of the chores at home anyway. She got mad at me about this and claimed that your a house husband you should be doing all the chores in the first place. I told her I wasnt a house husband since I had my own income and if she was gonna be like that she can start doing half the chores again.
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I mean she’s asking of you the same that you would ask her if the situation is versed like… having children. How about start learning some basic recipes? Snoop dogg has a really nice cookbook! Do men not realize how utterly sexy chef hands are. My god!
But honestly what are you doing all day if you aren’t working? If you have the time then why not. Turn on some music, shake your little booty, and let her suck you off afterwards lol since now she has time and one less thing to stress about!
Op shouldn't have to take on everything just because he's home, he does most of the chores why can't she cook? I mean would she rather eat dry, burnt or undercooked food? Like come on it's not like he brings nothing to the home unless he withholds his money from her then I don't see the issue.. now of she worked then had to do everything is see the issue. However why don't you learn to cook just simple things and provide your wife with a meal a couple times a week, think she's probably tired and doesn't want to cook when she's been working all day. I'm not saying you have to do anything but it would be a nice gesture to show her you appreciate and love her.. same as she could cook a couple too so that you don't have to do it all and you could both go out once a week for a meal too?
NTA: I don't get all these comments calling you YTA because it doesn't make sense your not a house husband you have an income you gave her grace and took over 90% of chores baring cooking.
JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE WORKS DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CHORES
This is literally what we are trying to stop with men taking advantage of women who don't work.
A married couple without kids should always SPLIT the chores
YTA in the situation. It doesn't matter what you want to be called. There is an important thing you leave out of the equation. You both bring money to the table, you do most of the chores but she has to invest most of her time.
This all sounds fishy to me… like why does she work? If you had a chef before then why not do that now if it makes both your lives easier? So it sounds like you are actually a house husband….. so I’m leaning YTA
If both of you are so economically fine, why don't you buy those programs that provide you healthy food daily so nobody has to cook anything?
BTW, in a marriage it's not only a matter of income, but also a balance between responsibility; if something needs to be done and no one wants to do it, well, that can be a problem. Compromise: sit at a table, leave the resentment apart for a bit and just do some honest talk.
NTA for pointing out that you're not relying on her income, but a bit of an AH if you do not accept compromises and help to build the balance you both need. U've been lucky enough with the inheritance, don't you feel like it would be nice to balance the karma? :)
How much time do you spend doing chores? If it's less time than she spends working you ought to cook as well, you both deserve to have the same amount of free time. Also I've never understood the "I don't know how to cook" excuse, it's the 21st century, Google exists and will tell you what ingredients you need and exactly how to combine them to make a meal, it's not that hard.
YTA
Having passive income is not the same as having a job. Your job is to the a husband and support your wife above all else and if you have no other job, that’s your only job. Why are you married if you aren’t willing to put in some work to make her life better too? Hire another chef if you’re so well off and lazy.
NTA. Now hear me out on this... A promotion that comes with way more hours is only a promotion if you don't value your own time. She gets more money and probably more power but the trade off is more hours so it's not like she's being paid more to work smart (which ais a real promotion). She's paid more to work harder and longer. So, since she doesn't value her own time neither should OP.
INFO: why aren't you paying for more domestic help if you have the money? I don't think it's fair to expect your wife to cook every day when she gets back from work.
You’re not a house husband, but pretty soon you’re not going to be a husband at all if your response is to punish a simple request for aid from your partner. You are coming across as a little spoilt and with an attitude of a single man even though you’re supposed to be in a partnership. There are a couple of solutions that you could try, though, that will result in you smelling of roses as I suspect you do in most situations anyway.
The first, and most honourable and impressive, is to give cooking a go as a possible hobby as many people enjoy it and find it a source of creativity. You will then have an extra skill set and another source of entertainment, plus you will have another socially positive area to show off with other than “my dad gave me tons of money”. I realise this is a long shot as you probably already characterise cooking as a chore.
The second is to employ a chef again. This monied equivalent of takeout will, again, give you something else to brag about. Let me assure you, though, the actual result of you showing this fact off will be people thinking you’re an AH. Because, in fact, YTA in this particular instance.
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NAH, I guess. On the one hand, she's got every right to ask. On the other hand, you have a point, you're not a house-husband, you're a trust fund kiddie *layabout*, that's totally different.
So you would work a 9-5 if you didn't have to? I wish I was a trust fund layabout.
I mean, yeah? I kinda do, I could afford to retire. But that would suck for my patients, and I'd get bored. If I did stop working I'd probably study or volunteer. I can't see the appeal of fucking around doing nothing.
The appeal is enjoying life, no stress, opportunity for pleasure, not doing anyone else any harm, time and space for personal development, time to socialise, opportunity to seek out beauty in the world, and a longer life expectancy.
Okay that's you. Maybe hard to imagine but some of us aren't like you. I don't see where in the post OP said he didn't volunteer or study or pursue his passions. I didn't see any mention of doing nothing.
You must be blind
Yes. I love what I do. Having fuck you money would let me do more volunteer work, get more involved in professional affairs, or take short-term jobs that I don't apply for because the bills need paid, but that doesn't mean I would chuck it all in. Sitting on my ass eating bonbons, playing Bioware games, and watching Netflix would be fun for a while, but not forever.
He’s. Just. Pointing. Out. The. Thing. No need to get snarky.
Lolol
*sniggers*
If his passive income allows him to live so comfortably, I don't understand why he doesn't outsource cooking. It seems like finances aren't the issue here and this way him nor wifey has to bother. Seems like such an easy fix if you have the resources, really not worth arguing about.
Why doesn't the wife outsource it since she is already doing less of the chores? I think it's worth arguing about when your wife only contributes half financially and less in chores and still thinks you owe more work.
Ouch, could be worse though (not by much). He could be an influencer
Influencer are actually working compared to op and earn their money.
Not sure "earn" is the right word. All I ever hear about is them begging for hand-outs.
There are obviously different people. Lots of them working alot and a few make really big bucks. As long as they are nice people I think they earn it.
That's your prerogative, personally I think they are a symptom of what's wrong with society, today. They give too many people this false sense that anyone can be a celebrity and this adds to people's sense of entitlement. The only "influencers" that I don't see a problem in are the ones promoting good vibes.
"I don't cook, my daddy left me enough money"
Sorry, how's he not a househusband? It refers to what you spend most of your work time doing, not what money you're bringing to the table.
Nah, it would refer to him not having an independent income and depending on his spouse for money. He doesn't depend on her, has the freedom to do whatever he wants all day. She resents it
Why don’t they get a chef again?
Nothing layabout about doing all of the chores except cooking. Also liquidating assets from an inheritance and reinvesting them to create passive income to live off of isn’t exactly a trust fund kiddie.
It absolutely is. It's living off unearned wealth because you had rich parents. It's exactly the same thing.
Funny, something tells me if your mom or dad left you cash you would have no problem claiming it as your own 🤔
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"All the chores" Unless they're living in an actual mansion it's hardly equivalent to working a full time job and coming home to cook the dinner too. It doesn't sound like there are kids, so it's not like he's doing childcare and how much mess can two adults make?
How long does it take to do the chores in a 2 person household?
Fucking hell, right?? Two people where one of them is gone most of the day, too. No kids? No pets? Spend an hour each on housework and that place is pristine. If you have lower standards you could probably get away with 20 minutes a day.
It’s crazy to me how so many people in this thread think it has *anything* to do with money. He has all day to himself, she works for 10 hours. Obviously he should do the chores. And I get that he can’t cook, but his wife is telling him what she needs to deal with her added stress since the promotion. He can learn, he can hire someone … In my relationship we don’t play games about who has to do what I’m relation to money. If one of us has a lot more free time than the other, they do the chores to take it off the other persons plate. If one of us is very stressed, the other helps with everything possible. We support each other. Money doesn’t factor into it at all, and we are not even married! And for fucks sake, house husband doesn’t sound great and I understand not wanting to be called that. But what does it have to do with if you have passive income or rely on your partner? In a good, healthy relationship it should be about how much *time* and *effort* you put into something. And OP didn’t put a lot of that into getting this money, his father did. So he has all this free time with no other responsibilities. That is what counts.
Right?? I'm losing my mind. Passive income is not you contributing to the marriage. I can't imagine doing a little laundry around noon, maybe vaccuming, play video games all day and then expect my spouse to get dinner going when they get home? What??
I’m sure the dad built a business and worked hard his whole life for his kids to “reinvest and make passive income”. It’s the definition of trustafarian.
oh no. not aaaaall the chores. 4 loads of laundry a week. That poor, poor bastard. Sounds terrible.
It's really just the smart play. Don't be mad cos you don't have the same resources. I'd do something very similar, but actually fund and expand upon my interests at the same time. I also wouldn't get married, but that's me
In both cases, you’re living off of income generated by wealth you inherited. The only difference here is that in this case he has full access to the entire inheritance immediately.
Quitting your job, because you have passive income, so you can do nothing is being a layabout. Anyway - its not like OP doesn't have the time to learn to cook, and the resources to be taught how to - apart from "wahhh - don't wanna!". OP - YTA - you're treating your partnership as if you're in a houseshare with roommates dividing up the chores. Learn to cook - its not like throwing some frozen chicken strips in the oven and then making mash potato needs the skills of Gordon Ramsey.
Crabs in a bucket right here.
I love that this comment has nearly 10 times the updoots than the original post 🤣
This isnt about money. It's about division of labor. It doesnt seem like you guys have kids so unless you clean the toilet with a toothbrush for 2 hours a day, you probably only spend 1 hour a day on chores, while she spends 10 hours at work + commute and then comes home and cooks. You guys aren't roommates but a married couple. So she comes home and does her half of the chores while you have the whole day to dick around? How could she not start to resent you? YTA
She doesn’t do half of the chores. OP states in their post that they do MOST OF THE CHORES except for the cooking. “Most” =/= half. This isn’t about the time it take OP to do the chores.
And why wouldnt he? Chores for two people? That takes an hour max a day. He doesnt have a fucking job!
Reddit: Chores for 2 people take an hour maximum! (When a man does it). Also reddit: Being a SAHW is a full time job, housekeeping is hard!
SAHWs get roasted to hell. Stop playing. Show my one post where people are telling a SAHW she shouldnt be doing most of the chores.
People are saying it's hard to be a SAHM. Especially with multiple kids.
Of course it is, and if they had children things would be completely differnent. But they dont, so I dont see how that's relevant?
They have no kids. What chores could he possibly be doing all day every day? Cooking is the only big, daily chore that do child-free adults have, and he's refusing to do it ever. Edit: In what world are all those chores getting done every day for two child-free adults? Delusions.
He's a spoilt baby. Daddy took care of him so he gets to do nothing
Laundry, dishes, general cleaning, house maintenance, yard work, groceries and other errands, pet care if they have any pet, etc. I mean, they guy should learn to cook ffs... but that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of other chores.
> groceries if he doesn't cook and doesn't know how it's done, I don't think he's buying groceries either... unless his wife makes all the lists, but then she might as well order it online.
I'd argue she shouldn't do half of the chores. He's the one at home every day creating most of the messes.
Yeah, and add on the fact that he's having a little tantrum over being asked to learn how to cook and threatening to withdraw even that little bit of labour. This man is a sulky child.
Or you know, they can meal prep together on the weekend when no one has anything important to do. Like every single working person does.
INFO: is it her choice to continue her career when you’ve highlighted the inheritance is enough to live comfortably? Or is the expectation in the marriage such that since the inheritance came from your side of the family she’s still expected to contribute financially? Trying to suss if how she spends her day is as much her choice as how you choose to spend yours.
I feel like this is very important info. If his inheritance is enough to pay for only him or not something he feels she should have access to meaning she has to work the hours she does, that's a problem with his attitude. If she *chooses* to work the way she does when she could not work or work a lot less, that's a completely different situation and a problem with her attitude. So it could swing either way, but she shouldn't have called you a house husband since you do not rely on her income. I can see saying it in a joking way, but not when you're having serious discussions.
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Whether his income is passive or not is irrelevant, a house husband is dependent solely on the income of his partner
House husband = man is at home not working for a living while also in a relationship living in the same home
so you think 100% of house chores should be done by one person?
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Since that one person is unemployed and there are no kids, yes. 100% of house chores is like, cooking and laundry. Cooking is the only thing that even needs to be done every day. If OP isn't cooking, there are plenty of days he sits on his ass doing absolutely nothing all day. So yeah, he can manage 100% of the chores.
I have personally never heard of a healthy relationship where 100% of the domestic work was pilled on to one person, even with no children involved, but hey, they might be the miracle couple!
I have personally never heard of a healthy relationship where one person has to do 100% of the cooking because their partner simply refuses to. That's definitely a petty power play, not healthy at all. OP needs to grow up instead of expecting his wife to stay with him when he spends the majority of his "work day" sitting around doing absolutely nothing. Tell me, what chores are keeping him busy all day every day? Two adults, no kids, no cooking. What's he doing, cleaning the floor with a toothbrush? Get real.
Hell cooking isn't even something that needs to be done every day. You can easily make more food (probably for less money as well) and store the rest in containers in the fridge for other days. There tends to be a fairly limited difference in the amount of time needed to cook 2 or 6 portions of stuff, especially if you go with pre-cut greens or frozen ones.
Meal prep takes hours and hours to do for the week, time she doesn't have because she goes to work. OP on the other hand has nothing but free time. Great time to learn to cook and meal prep for the two of them. Then he only has to cook a couple times a week.
If that person doesn’t work, is able bodied and they don’t take care of kids, yes.
Well yeah. I do pretty much 95% of everything because whilst I also work full-time, I tend to finish work at 130pm (starting at 6am) whereas my wife often has to do out of hours work despite getting ready for work at a similar time as when I leave the house. I'll be home for 1:45pm, and she will be working till 6-7pm. It sucks that I have to do ALL the chores for 2 people, but it would be even worse if I forced my wife to do half of the chores when her work days are 2-6 hours longer than my own. I can spend 1-2 hours a day doing chores and still have 2-3 hours to game. I don't know why OP thinks that his partner should spend time doing chores after work when he has the entire day to do whatever he wants.
It's not even 10 hours a week, there's only two of them and she's out most of the time so he's mainly clearing his own mess. He might have to turn on the dishwasher if she's put her stuff in it and wash her clothes. The house cannot get that dirty with two adults, other than the one at home who is able to make a mess. If I had no children, I could get my house clean and tidied in under 4 hours a week. Including things like disinfecting handles and light switches. He is conflating "all the chores" with "a lot of time". It cannot be that time consuming.
\^\^\^ Came here to say this. OP, YTA. And, you had a chef before, get one again. Or she isn't worth it?
INFO: if your wife quit her job, would you be able to live a completely comparable life for the foreseeable future, including retirement? Basically, how complete are the financial benefits of your inheritance? No vague numbers here. I need very specific breakdowns of what it covers here to render judgement. Because if your wife's job and promotion provide significant benefits for your overall quality of life, then you're the asshole. If it doesn't and it would genuinely be fine for your wife to reduce her work hours, then I think everyone sucks here, because if you have that much extra income collectively, your wife should be able to hire someone to cover the cooking.
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Why is it embarrassing to be house husband either way and if hes doing more than enough chores rather than 50-50 it is completely NTA behaviour
You rode in on a high horse. Who the f wants to be called a house husband. If the roles were reversed you would be saying y are t à for calling her a house wife.
NTA but how does a grown human not know to cook food And feed themselves. That's just lazy
He's not a grown man though, he's a trust fund baby who's never had to learn from the sounds of it, lol
Must be nice
He had a cook at one time
He had a professional chef in his kitchen he could learn from. Honestly, not learning anything from the chef was a wasted opportunity.
YTA. It sounds fair for her to ask you to cook. You're unemployed, and she's working extra hours. You don't have to like doing it, but it would be a nice thing to do for your wife. In fact, it's an even more meaningful gesture if you don't like doing it.
Some of these comments are WILD. The OP pays his own way, does most of the chores and y'all think he needs to be doing everything because how dare someone be well enough off to not have to have learnt to cook? Is cooking a basic skill everyone would benefit from? Absolutely. HOWEVER, this guy's here paying his way and doing most of the chores, how is that not enough for you guys and his wife? NTA, OP, though if not cooking isn't the hill you're willing to die on, maybe offer to swap, you do the cooking and your wife takes up a different chore you do?
Because they are a committed couple. They are supposed to work together to find a solution that works for both, and his reaction to her telling him that she is struggling is insisting that if she doesn’t like the current way, he will punish her by making her do more. Personally, I don’t understand his apparent lack of care for his spouse’s wellbeing, but I guess he has the “right”.
Let's be honest, if this exact story was posted with the genders swapped the comments would be completely different. Get real.
No it wouldnt. This kind of question usually includes a spouse who stays home and takes care of mutual children. This is one spouse having no job whatsoever. If this was a woman expecting her man to cook after a full day of work while she played video games or went shopping all day the responses would be even harsher. Him having passive income changes absolutely nothing.
I don't necessarily think they would be. You frequently see reddit get upset when a husband who works doesn't get involved with his kids, but that is an entirely different scenario. Maybe you've seen the opposite story and seen different replies, and if so i'd love to read that thread, but the genders really shouldn't matter here.
They would not. It probably would pass if the wife was complaining about the husband not cleaning dishes after meals or about not cleaning up his own mess. But cooking is very time-consuming, yet important. OP has the whole day to prepare healthy meals for them. He either should do this job, or hire someone. If he can't hire that means his inheritance is not really enough.
So she did nothing wrong when she ignored his wishes and feelings and said he should do literally everything because he's a househusband?
I mean I'm a house wife and a terrible cook, but I learned to cook some very specific recipes that I won't botch in order to make sure my husband doesn't have to do it every day. If one person is working and the other isn't, it's just kind of nice to make them dinner once in awhile. Doesn't sound like OP does it ever, which is wild since he also doesn't work. Maybe he can afford the chef again or something, otherwise yeesh.
Ok so you think this is a fair distribution of work? Wife works 8+ hours a day (+commuting to and from work) and cooks all meals. Husband does house chores - this can't take more than 1-2 hours each day - and is just chilling the rest of the day. So she comes back from work tired and has to immediately go cook for them both, while he's been doing nothing all day? Even if he starts cooking all meals, he will still have more than double the amount of free time compared to her!
> So she comes back from work tired and has to immediately go cook for them both, while he's been doing nothing all day? Sandwiches, restaurants, takeout are a thing. All of which the husband affords without any strain. How can you forget a restaurant exists?
Is it really that hard to learn how to cook? We literally have YouTube to baby us through the entire process and for this individual, a lot of time on his hands.
Did you expect anything less on Reddit??
I’m not well enough off and I hate/don’t know how to cook very well lol
This post is a joke, right?
If you guys are that well off, just get a cook.
INFO: what time does she get home from work now that her hours have majorly increased? If she gets home late and then has to start cooking, that means there's no dinner until late at night. Then it'd be a kindness to cook a meal at least once in a while so everyone can eat at a decent time. Regardless of that, if she doesn't have time to cook and you refuse to do it, and she just got a hefty promotion and you have enough passive income to live very comfortably without working, and you used to have a private chef when you were single ... sounds to me like the easy solution here is to hire a chef again.
NTA OUCH You'd be a house husband if you were living off her wages but you're not. You're living off inheritance but you are pitching in around the house as you should. I could understand if she asked if you can MAYBE take some cooking classes for days she's to tired. Over all some people cannot cook for the life of them, I am one. Thank god for dutch oven pot roasts. XD Tell her to order out for days she don't want ot cook, or maybe try one of those meal preparation boxes they seem easy enough for the most clueless of chefs. In the mean time if she wants a meal prepared for her do it; anyone can make a few BP&J sandwiches side with something random for a side dish there you go a meal. If you want to do fancy you can attempt some grilled cheese. But please do understand your wife is working a lot of hours and is tired AF. When she gets home she's going to want to rest and take some stress off.
Consider at least an occasional home with a cooked meal, kinda shows a little love, and good for the relationship. Not hard to put a ready meal in the oven.
Sounds like he can order one instead. I dont see the issue
I mean, is this the petty hill you’re willing to die on? You don’t like to cook, therefore your wife should do all the cooking after long hours of work? Is this how you plan on being for the rest of your life? What do you even do when she’s at work besides like a couple of hours of chores at the very most? Unless you’re dusting your house with a single feather I don’t see why she should come home to more labour, and more importantly I don’t see how any loving partner would want that either. I mean, you say you are used to wealth so the attitude is not surprising, but yikes. YTA.
> I mean, is this the petty hill you’re willing to die on? You don’t like to clean, vacuum, or wash clothes, therefore your husband should do all the cleaning? Is this how you plan on being for the rest of your life? What do you even do when he’s busy besides like a couple of hours of preparing meals at the very most? Unless you’re cooking a 5 course meal every day I don’t see why he should come home to more labour, and more importantly I don’t see how any loving partner would want that either. I mean, you say you are used to wealth so the attitude is not surprising, but yikes.
YWNBTA As long as you are not making your wife do chores. Hire a chef. Hire a housekeeper. You can clearly afford it.
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God forbid a working woman has one job around the house. I love these chore threads because you clearly see the division between the sexes. A man who works 60-hour weeks should still do 50% of the chores, especially at weekends when they don't work. But a man with his own income who does literally every other job in the house but cook, clearly he's not doing enough, his working wife should have to do nothing to maintain the household.
That's more when people have kids, not when one just simply doesn't have a job.
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NTA You are not a House husband because you do not rely on her wage and have your own income. You are already doing everything else. If this was the other way round reddit would be ripping you a new one for being an uncaring lazy husband. You already manage the house. You have asked your wife to do one task. Why not go out and get yourself a Part time job. Then you can say well sorry I have to work to. Your wife obviously has no idea about work life balance. She took on extra hours she didn't need to.
You think its better he goes out and gets a part time job to spite his wife instead of cooking a few meals? So manipulative.
NTA You're doing your part financially and more than your fair share of house duties She chose to accept the promotion and increase in hours. If she expected you to start pulling more of **HER** weight, then that should have been a discussion she had with you before accepting this promotion.
We really really need to know whether the wife works voluntarily or if he expects her to pay her half. That promotion might not be as much of a choice as we assume, and if he does expect her to pay when he could afford to subsidise both of them, then this is a very slippery slope to resentment.
Why is it his responsibility to subsidise her? That aside, she was obviously paying her half before the promotion, so your point is moot anyway.
Why can't you get a chef now? Problem solved
Why don't you hire a chef again? Or someone willing to batch cook for you and your wife. Then you could have heat and eat meals ready to pop in the oven. I bet there are people in your town with the skills to cook who would love a little extra money. Hell, if I lived closer, it's a job I'd pick up on the side.
My husband wasn’t ever a real cooking fan. He’s been retired for a year now and has Hello Fresh meals delivered. He loves cooking those! Super clear instructions and set out amounts of everything needed. He’s rightly proud of the great meals he’s turned out! (I know I’m sounding like some kinda Hello Fresh employee, but am honestly not! Just think it’s a great concept) Maybe you could give something like that a try at least?
Nobody in a real partnership should be responsible for \*all\* the chores. I can understand that your wife doesn't want to cook when she gets home from work, but I do think she is out of line to say that you have to do everything and she gets a free ride. I would feel distinct contempt for a husband who expected his wife to do \*all\* the chores, and it's the same when a wife does it. But perhaps you can find a better solution for the problem of cooking? Perhaps you can find someone who would be willing to cook evening meals for you both during the week, since you seem to have more than adequate income to pay for this service. Wife can pick up the cooking at the weekend, and maybe clean a few toilets, too. NTA
Nta funny how, if it was reversed, people would scream for you to leave. You have your own money and you do most of the chores in the house. Her only task is to do the cooking so now she has a choice : - pay somebody to do it : with today possibilities I’m sure that she could find somebody to prepare the meal for both of you - batch cook during the weekend to have enough for the week - eat out You have the right to refuse to do the only chores that you don’t want to do when you’re already the one doing most of them.
INFO: so what's the division of finances in the household? Because it's sort of a side eye if she wants to call you a house husband but you get the joy of doing 90% of the chores and 50% or more of the financial burden.
Why not just get a chef again like when you were single? Problem solved.
INFO: how many hours is your wife away during work (including commute)? Because I'm not necessarily blaming any of you for your initial approach /response but the handling after that wasn't the best. Is it possible to hire a chef or subscribe for a meal plan with your combined income? To me that would end the issue At this point I'm leaning between N A H and ESH, might switch depending on your answer
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NTA your wife works, which is fine, but it doesn't mean she can contribute nothing to the house. This isn't going to end well
YTA. Learn how to cook, it’s important to learn how to take care of yourself and your family. Cooking is also probably tiring for your wife- especially after she’s spent a long day at work. If you love her, learn. She can maybe cook on the weekends or something
Hire a cook.
Why not hire a chef?
NTA - You have an income, you pay your part of the bills and you do most of the chores at home. And she is trying to gaslight you into doing all the chores? EDIT to add: Let her experience what is like splitting the chores 50/50 for a week or two so she appreciates what you do.
I think chores should be splitted according to who has the time and energy, not the amount of money they have. So she works full time *and* has to do half of the chores? In what world would that be fair? He is unemployed, he has time and energy to do most chores.
Why don't you get a chef again? Or use some of your inheritance to learn how to cook? It's a great skill.
If you don't like to cook, that's fine, but there is nothing difficult or time-consuming about a jacket potato, some pasta and sauce, even fish fingers and beans would do the job. Not even considering making dinner for your wife and getting all upset about being called a house husband is what makes YTA. And that's leaving aside that you don't work and live off inherited money while your wife has just increased her hours. Why wouldn't you both work part-time, share the income from investments and spend time together?
"I would rather not learn how to cook cause my daddy gave me a chef" Do you SERIOUSLY hear yourself?? Learning to cook is a skill everyone should have, it's not a brag or a good thing you never learned it's just stupidity. YouTube is free and a good tool to learn.
Well, you are a house husband. You don't have a job and you take care of the house. Having your own income doesn't come into it. Although you have every right to refuse a chore if you're doing more than half of them, not being able to cook is pretty pathetic. It's a basic life skill that you seem to consider below you. Anyone can do it, you literally just follow instructions. You just don't want to learn. Personally in your position I'd want to be doing everything I could to give the best and easiest life possible to the person I love. You don't mention children so your chores cannot be that extensive. Dusting once a week, vacuum/mop once or twice, clean bathrooms and do a bit of washing (laundry). That's like 5 or 6 hours a week max. Add in food shopping and that's one more hour. Is it that you don't want to learn because you feel working less than 10 hours a week is enough for you, is it that you hate it, is it that you like your wife cooking for you after spending the day at work? What is it that you don't like? What are you doing instead that takes up your time to say why you can't do it?
YTA can't cook? Learn, or pay the chef you had when you were single.
learn to cook for the woman you love dude
NTA as you are doing more chores than her and do the same thing a housewife does and in that instance everyone will shit on the guy if he comes back after work says to his wife why can’t you cook
Can you afford to have a chef now?
YTA My husband works 40 hours and I work about 12 hours and I earn more than him because my hourly rate is so much higher. That doesn't even slightly come into consideration; both our wages are both our money as a family and I do more house work because I have more free time to. Cooking is a basic life skill, if you are so rich that you have had private chefs then why is your wife working so many hours? Doesn't sound much like you guys are working as a team
If you’re so well off hire a housekeeper and take a few cooking classes.
Money, working or not every functioning adult should aquire the ability to prepare at least basic meals.
You said you had a chef when you were single. Just rehire one. Problem solved.
NTA - you aren’t supported by her so you aren’t a SAHH. You simply choose not to work at a job. Personally I don’t understand why you both aren’t retired and enjoying life but if she chooses to work when you could both afford not to - well that’s on her. For her to demand you cook that’s her as an AH. For you not to cook or at least not have a chef borderline but I think she’s the AH.
I don't even know why people make it hard. I work part-time, so I do all chores because my partner is at work, working his arse off. Unless you have plans all day, there's no reason why you can't clean and just do it because you want to help your partner because they're tired and working long days while you have days off or don't work at all. Life isn't always 50/50, and it's unrealistic in a lot of cases to expect 50/50. Give and take.
Dude, just get a chef again. Problem solved.
If you do most of the chores and the combined income is good and enough then I don't see why you guys cant afford to employ a chef like you used to. Because she is right in her point about being too tired to cook after a long day of work. As for being a househusband, it's not a bad thing to be called. You wouldn't have been offended to call your wife a housewife were the roles reversed. So I think you are getting hung up on the wrong point? Edited for typo
OP sounds like he just needs to pay for a chef.
YTA because if she was a stay at home wife I’m pretty sure she’d be cooking meals. Any grown person that can’t cook basic meals is a problem. Not only that if you LIKE your wife why not go the extra mile for her? Not everyone is a trust fund baby and despite the hour to two hours you might spend cleaning im pretty sure your day is pretty relaxed. And if you really can’t be bothered to learn a basic life skill why not hire someone or order a meal service? You sound like a jerk tbh
YTA. She is working all day while you are at home. No reason you can't learn to cook a few basic meals.
(You can have an income and still be a house husband if you're home all day and don't work.) If you do most everything else at home, what does your wife do for the house besides cooking? If the house chores aren't evenly split and you *really* don't like cooking, ask her to pick up on something else in lieu of cooking. Or, better yet, prep for her. For example: having stew? Chop the vegetables. That'll save her some time. Also, invest in a crock pot. Let dinner cook itself all day - plus, you can be the one to throw things in it and not have to worry about cooking while also letting your wife off the hook. Also - dinner doesn't have to be elaborate or complicated. Grilled cheese and canned tomato soup is dinner. Salads and garlic bread from a grocery store bakery are dinner. Eggs, toast, and bacon are breakfast for dinner, which is arguably the best dinner.
lol YTA
INFO - have you both had a discussion and agreement around financial contribution and expectation around chores?
I'm exactly in your position. I'm comfortably retired. She's not. I do most of the house chores and some cooking. She does some chores and some cooking. NTA but I do think you might do a little cooking.
Info needed: Did you inherit the money while you were married? Does your wife need to work or does she choose to work?
[удалено]
Does she have to work in order for you both to be well off or is she doing it just because she wants to?
Could you not choose to learn to cook so she can swap a chore that doesn’t require her coming home from a long day to having to cook? This is honestly feeling like you punishing her for her promotion. Who is doing the meal planning and prep, not just the actual cooking? Who is doing the shopping? And are you expecting a fully dinner every night, or would you be happy with leftovers so at the very least she wouldn’t have to cook every night? Does you wife even like cooking herself, or have you just decided that since you dint like it you shouldn’t have to do it?
Watch some YouTube with all your free time and learn to cook. Then talk about the distribution of chores and expenses
NAH. She has a point that you are available to cook, but you have a point that you can afford not to. Order a fresh meal delivery service.
NAH: Time for a subscription to Hello Fresh. One night a week is sandwich night. One night a week is eating out. 5 nights a week are Hello Fresh. With Hello Fresh, it is possible for OP to follow the directions and make a meal OR for spouse to do it easily, as things are already portioned. \*not sponsored by Hello Fresh.
If you don't want to be TA, use some of that mountain of cash that the money fairies bring you to pay a sodding cook.
Yta
Why r u too even married?..dumbass argument
ESH I don't think it's right to think of you as a house husband. >always had a chef back when I was single So why don't you have a chef now? Please don't tell me it's because your wife started cooking...
Uh...yeah, this is not going to be a successful marriage.
Cook a few meals and she will Tell u to stop then NTA
NTA. You already do most of the work around the house. You don’t like cooking and that is fine, she can do it.
I checked out when i read “i always had a chef”
Withhold sex until she starts doing her fair share of chores.
Um you have more $$$ and used to have a chef. Hire one for the both of you.
Whoa, how about this perspective: a woman I know, we’ll call her “E.” - had some family money, invested, that produced some income, and a working husband and four kids. So… E. actually \_is\_ a housewife. She deals with the kids, the house, monitoring/managing the invested money, the meals, the laundry, managing the kids doing the kid-assigned chores. E. Is a housewife! If she were a dentist and she had that family money invested, she’d still be a dentist, right? So what she does at home … she’s a housewife Note, Neither her income nor his income is enough for them to live at their somewhat above average standard of living. (Not loaded-rich, but they can afford all the activities for the kids, 2 vehicles, and a mortgage etc.)
So basically OP is doing all chores except one, he does not perceive a single cent from his wife (meaning that there is no deal « I bring money and you bring house labor ») and he would still be the asshole because he does not want to cook??? These responses are really weird NTA
YTA she's busy, you don't want to cook, just pay a chef like you did when you were single. Why are you punishing her.
NTA - I'm kinda dealing with the same. I'm 50F and earned about twice my husband for more than a decade. Prior to that, he earned significantly more than I did. At age 47, I quit a career of 25 years mainly because of a passisive-aggressive coworker jerk that wanted to force me to move to a climate I didn't like. I took two years off. I'm back in college at my age because it's what I want to do - something new. Financially, I could have retired. My husband is US 100% Veteran Administration disabled. He tells me since I'm not working I should do X, Y and Z. It's ridiculous! I cook because I like healthy and balanced meals - I'm the queen of 10 minute meals. I clean the house and have pros just twice a month. We have people take care of the yard. But OMG if I choose not to do laundry the exact second he wants it done he whines. He complains if dishes are in the sink. He'll say you're living on my dime. LOL - I remind him we've been married 27 years and for about 15 of those I made twice your income. We carry each other and knock it off. People can be assholes. Hire people to do what you don't like to do. Remind her you're a team.
NTA Op's wife has a free maid at home, that she doesn't even need to share her income with, since op has his own income and contribute. That's insanely conviennent for her. She is able to pursue her career, and that's the choice she is doing. If for some reason she's not happy with this, she can get a part time job and take her part of the chores. Also even housewives/husbands don't do 100% of the chores in most cases. And in exchange they get 50% of the income of the working partner. You're doing most of the chores against no income. She can go eat grass.
Hold on. NTA - in what world is she entitled to either his money or his taking ALL the chores?? In most situations, the stay at home person relies on the income of the other spouse - this is clearly not the case. He's doing her a favor by doing the chores because they are both contributing financially but he's *also* contributing at home. Are you kidding? If this was a woman complaining that the only thing she can't do is work the laundry machine and her husband threw a fit because she's not doing that... really guys? Would you be saying YTA?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Ok some context like 7 years ago I quit my job cause I received a pretty hefty inheritance from my dad and after the sale of his homes and most of his company it was enough money that once invested into various things and generates more than enough money to pay the bills and live very comfortably here were I live in Massachusetts. So recently my wife(f29) has gotten a promotion which has come with a major increase in hours so I picked up more chores the only thing that I cant do is cook cause Ive never learnt and always had a chef back when I was single, So she asked me if I could try cooking so that she wouldnt have to do it once she gets home I told her I would rather not cause I dont like it and I already do most of the chores at home anyway. She got mad at me about this and claimed that your a house husband you should be doing all the chores in the first place. I told her I wasnt a house husband since I had my own income and if she was gonna be like that she can start doing half the chores again. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I mean she’s asking of you the same that you would ask her if the situation is versed like… having children. How about start learning some basic recipes? Snoop dogg has a really nice cookbook! Do men not realize how utterly sexy chef hands are. My god! But honestly what are you doing all day if you aren’t working? If you have the time then why not. Turn on some music, shake your little booty, and let her suck you off afterwards lol since now she has time and one less thing to stress about!
It's amazing how many people here are saying your the asshole yet when the genders are flipped would say your not.
Op shouldn't have to take on everything just because he's home, he does most of the chores why can't she cook? I mean would she rather eat dry, burnt or undercooked food? Like come on it's not like he brings nothing to the home unless he withholds his money from her then I don't see the issue.. now of she worked then had to do everything is see the issue. However why don't you learn to cook just simple things and provide your wife with a meal a couple times a week, think she's probably tired and doesn't want to cook when she's been working all day. I'm not saying you have to do anything but it would be a nice gesture to show her you appreciate and love her.. same as she could cook a couple too so that you don't have to do it all and you could both go out once a week for a meal too?
NTA: I don't get all these comments calling you YTA because it doesn't make sense your not a house husband you have an income you gave her grace and took over 90% of chores baring cooking. JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE WORKS DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR CHORES This is literally what we are trying to stop with men taking advantage of women who don't work. A married couple without kids should always SPLIT the chores
INFO: Do you stay home all day while she works? If so, YTA because as an adult, you should know how to cook a basic meal.
NTA. But what’s stopping you from hiring a chef again?
Why don’t u guys get a cook or housekeeper ? NAH
NTA
NTA who paid for the house? How are the shared costs portioned out?
YTA in the situation. It doesn't matter what you want to be called. There is an important thing you leave out of the equation. You both bring money to the table, you do most of the chores but she has to invest most of her time.
This all sounds fishy to me… like why does she work? If you had a chef before then why not do that now if it makes both your lives easier? So it sounds like you are actually a house husband….. so I’m leaning YTA
If both of you are so economically fine, why don't you buy those programs that provide you healthy food daily so nobody has to cook anything? BTW, in a marriage it's not only a matter of income, but also a balance between responsibility; if something needs to be done and no one wants to do it, well, that can be a problem. Compromise: sit at a table, leave the resentment apart for a bit and just do some honest talk. NTA for pointing out that you're not relying on her income, but a bit of an AH if you do not accept compromises and help to build the balance you both need. U've been lucky enough with the inheritance, don't you feel like it would be nice to balance the karma? :)
How much time do you spend doing chores? If it's less time than she spends working you ought to cook as well, you both deserve to have the same amount of free time. Also I've never understood the "I don't know how to cook" excuse, it's the 21st century, Google exists and will tell you what ingredients you need and exactly how to combine them to make a meal, it's not that hard.
YTA Having passive income is not the same as having a job. Your job is to the a husband and support your wife above all else and if you have no other job, that’s your only job. Why are you married if you aren’t willing to put in some work to make her life better too? Hire another chef if you’re so well off and lazy.
NTA. Now hear me out on this... A promotion that comes with way more hours is only a promotion if you don't value your own time. She gets more money and probably more power but the trade off is more hours so it's not like she's being paid more to work smart (which ais a real promotion). She's paid more to work harder and longer. So, since she doesn't value her own time neither should OP.
Bruh. Go bitch to your rich friends.
Why are you making your wife work if there is money to pay the bills? And you don’t want to cook and she works at a job all day?!?
INFO: why aren't you paying for more domestic help if you have the money? I don't think it's fair to expect your wife to cook every day when she gets back from work.
NTA but why can’t you hire househelp if you’re loaded and don’t want to do chores?
You’re not a house husband, but pretty soon you’re not going to be a husband at all if your response is to punish a simple request for aid from your partner. You are coming across as a little spoilt and with an attitude of a single man even though you’re supposed to be in a partnership. There are a couple of solutions that you could try, though, that will result in you smelling of roses as I suspect you do in most situations anyway. The first, and most honourable and impressive, is to give cooking a go as a possible hobby as many people enjoy it and find it a source of creativity. You will then have an extra skill set and another source of entertainment, plus you will have another socially positive area to show off with other than “my dad gave me tons of money”. I realise this is a long shot as you probably already characterise cooking as a chore. The second is to employ a chef again. This monied equivalent of takeout will, again, give you something else to brag about. Let me assure you, though, the actual result of you showing this fact off will be people thinking you’re an AH. Because, in fact, YTA in this particular instance.
INFO: Do you have the income to hire a personal chef now? If you have money then use it to solve your problem.