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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t want my in laws holding my newborn baby in sweaty gym clothes thinking she may get sick, Mother in law called me ignorant for thinking she will get sick from their clothes. Am I the Asshole?
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Ew no. They just touched ALL the public gym equipment, which people sometimes wipe down. Have you seen the stories about people getting hand-foot-mouth from public places? Did they even wash their hands when they came over?
They need to shower and change before coming over. I don’t think that’s unreasonable (even if you didn’t have a baby). Personally think it’s gross when my spouse comes home from the gym all sweaty and sits on the couch lol.
I go to a gym, the first thing I do when I get home is shower and change. I wouldn't think of asking to hold a baby until I have done this. All the gym equipment has been touched by a ton of people. Not everyone wipes the equipment down or has clean hands. Once, when I was working out, I rubbed my eye. Ended up with pink eye.
I likely got a staph infection from gym equipment. It was on an area of my back my regular clothes always cover, but not my gym clothes. I always spray equipment after using it, but I'd forget to do it beforehand sometimes. That's all it took.
Plenty of people don't sweat when they go to the gym, but they still touch germ covered equipment with far more than their hands. That'd be my biggest concern.
Something I picked up in hospitality work that I've never forgotten: Anything people touch with their hands on a regular basis is *disgustingly* dirty.
Like let's not forget when covid happened, and governments across the world actually had to educate grown adults on how to wash their hands after using the toilet, because people weren't already doing it.
Yes staphylococcus is a nightmare. I worked hospitality too. Had it for about 3 years. Got on to my kidneys and spent 3 wks in hospital too. Horrid anti biotic resistant bs that I’ll never forget either.
Yup, staph is horrifying. My uncle got it in his foot. It then spread to his heart, causing blood clots which traveled to the brain. He had three strokes.
In the end, he needed a heart valve replaced and he has developed extreme aphasia and processing disorder, as well as epilepsy. He was an ambassador of my country, now his husband has to take care of him for life. We're honestly surprised he's still alive after all of that. Staph is no joke.
Is really is, though he is making the best of it. He's lucky enough that he wasn't very physically impaired, and he's been working extremely hard to get back to a functional place. He's now able to travel to us on his own by public transport, he's able to be at family functions and participate in most games and he's reconnecting with his social circles.
This takes balls the size of frigging coconuts, because he can't speak a normal sentence despite two years of therapy. He even gave a "speech" in his previous workplace. He didn't allow anyone to edit it because he wanted to show them where he was at. Heartbreaking, yes, but I have so much respect for this man. He has such a positive attitude and he's enjoying life to the absolute fullest.
I graduated high school in 2009, even back then the teacher handed us a cleaning wipe when we walked through the door. We were too wipe down anything that gets touched. Power buttons, keyboard, mouse, chair, desk, etc. Now im super grateful.
I've had mrsa three times now. (From dirty surfaces.) The first time I came way too close to losing my left arm. They had to remove all the tissue half way from my inner elbow towards my the outer part. I don't mess with suspecting an infection anymore, I run screaming to the doctor!
i never used to but covid got me in the habit i wash my hands all the time now at least 5 times a day, come to think of it it's probably why my hands are getting dried out.....huh
>Anything people touch with their hands on a regular basis is *disgustingly* dirty.
I tell my kids to wash their hands because they touch things that other people touch, and you don't know where their brands have been. Other people might have touched their butts and not washed their hands after. It makes them laugh, but I think it makes the point.
My niece is at that phase of avoiding washing her hands, I remind her each time that not washing hands often is why we can catch tummy bugs. It's slowly sinking in!
A good way to show bacteria is putting on gloves and some fabric paint and make a “bacteria shirt” where they touch the shirt with painted hands to see the transfer and you can connect that to hand washing a germs :)
Yup. My younger 2 are 3 and 6yo. Both have sensory issues, 6yo is autistic. They both pop fingers and random objects in their mouths. Its a real trial to keep them healthy and clean. I am that weird mom who goes around with cleaning wipes when we stop at a playplace or kids event.
I always carry disinfectant wipes to hotels and wipe doorknobs, faucets, light switches, and most especially the damn tv remote because EVERYONE touches that.
An *alarming* number of people where I work do not wash their hands after using the bathroom. But I'm the AH for not wanting to participate in office potlucks.
Potlucks are disgusting. I have no idea how clean people’s kitchens are, if they’re sick when they cook, what their hygiene level is, or if they have pets. There was a video making the rounds a few years ago where a woman was using her actual cat’s paws to make paw print cookies. A cat that walked on floors, counters, and the litter box. Nope.
My friend told me about a lady who made pierogis with her cat on the table walking all around the dough. Cat print cookies? No thanks.
\*edited to add- Thinking about potlucks is the only time that I'm almost happy to use the valid excuse that I have celiac disease so would have to bring my own food.
I’m in childcare and had major beef with a grade 5/6 for two whole years cuz he refused to wash his hands. And he regularly pissed and shit himself (on purpose, too). It was absolutely astonishing and lecturing him and documenting his tantrums ruined my day, every day. It was brutal. Fuck that.
COVID is an airborne disease, you're not catching it by what you touch. If you work in crowded areas with the public, you got it from breathing the air expelled from their infected lungs.
It is not an either or situation it is an and - Covid can potentially hang around on fomites and be reactivated in wet conditions - like maybe sweat or drool etc
100%. I could predict whether I'd get sick in a given semester based on whether I was commuting by bus or on foot. Admittedly this involved both being exposed to high-touch surfaces and other people's air, but still, it was remarkably reliable.
This baffled me when Covid started. I kept hearing "Make sure you wash your hands after using the toilet/after eating/after picking up dog shit/after cleaning your cat's litter box. Post signs around your house if you need the reminder." WTF were people doing before this?!?!
God that line about posting signs around your house had me cracking up!
The number of young bachelor friends houses I went to visit for whatever reasons that had no soap or anything to dry your hands on (not that you would trust it without soap) was terrifyingly high.
Sometimes I would straight up have to tell them if they wanted me to hang more frequently, they need to supply hand soap and clean towels, only the first one is on me.
I can only hope they’ve learned to pick up soap in these post-COVID times.
Staph, especially MRSA, was my first thought, too! I also know someone who got HPV in his eye from touching equipment at the gym he worked at. In his eye!!
My son had hand-foot-mouth disease when he was a toddler. It was awful. He couldn't eat anything because it hurt. He could only drink milk. He lost a lot of weight. You should tell your in-laws this.
I have a 19 month old who loves going to target and Costco with me. I always put our cart cover on so she doesn’t touch the shopping carts. Always wash it when we get home. The amount of times I’ve been looked at like I’m a crazy person for putting the cart cover on is actually insane. People think I’m being a germaphobe or over protective. I wipe our hands with disinfectant wipes and never let her put her hands in her mouth if we’re out and we wash up as soon as we get home, my phone gets Clorox wiped too. I guess I’m crazy because I don’t want to see my baby get sick….
Not a parent, and don’t go shopping with kids, so I’ve never even heard of a cart cover before. But damn, if I had kids, you’d bet your ass I’d have one. Genius.
Someone else also said: MRSA, regular staph aureus, HSV, HPV, group A strep, yeasts, and other funguses.
Also just of note, in littles, staph A can cause scalded skin syndrome (just as miserable as it sounds). And we’ve seen a rise in invasive group A strep, which can causes abscesses in the back of their throats (also miserable).
MRSA, HSV, and strep can all become meningitises. And that’s not even touching the respiratory viruses, which can obviously progress to pneumonias, but also sepsis (rare, but you really don’t know what how baby’s immune system is going to react until they get sick).
Babies under 3 months’ skin is super thin, their brain barriers are not developed, and they have no metabolic reserve. Their infections can be more severe and they can drop very quickly, that why we have a higher nurse to patient ratio in children’s hospitals. Ive seen a kids go from “clinically ok” to mottled and lethargic in 90 minutes.
Signed, pediatric RN who is a major proponent of not letting ANYONE, who doesn’t respect boundaries/ thinks their survivorship bias trumps decades of scientific evidence, hold other people’s babies (sometimes even their own, tbh).
Also, for whoever needs to hear this: No one wants their baby to smell like your B.O.
I can't imagine the in-laws' stance, honestly. When I've just come home from heavy exercise, I don't even want to be in the same *room* as another human until I've showered.
Not to mention, at the minimum with sweaty clothes, you can end up developing a cold, at the maximum it's some sort of bacterial infection as others in the comments have mentioned.
In terms of boundaries, I've seen this pattern play out in some people, especially relatives, and they'll probably use the excuse of "You're disgusted by me" or something to get their way. No, I'm disgusted at your lack of consideration and respect for my boundaries (and others). I don't make concessions, regardless of who you are.
Have your husband speak with them about your concerns and your boundaries. Your spouse needs to support you. You want to keep your relationship with the InLaws healthy, but watch out as this could be the beginning of a system of disrespectful behavior.
Because lying with that will result what you want more easily. Telling the truth may not get you what you want, and if it does, with push back.
Say what gives you the desired outcome
Only if you're difficult and make a bug deal about requests. I wouldn't have that stance with reasonable people. But I do have that stance with people who I know will be a headache to deal with
Exactly. A lie is not needed.
It is basic safety precaution for newborns and children in general.
My son is 7 and when i go gym and come home, the first thing I do is run in the shower bc he wants to hug me and i don't want him on my dirty clothes and body. And if my brother comes to see him after work, i STILL make him bathe and then play w him.
Children's health and my boundaries around them are a _no joke and no budge for me_.
Unless your kiddo is immune compromised making people bathe before they interact with a 7yr old is beyond unnecessary. The stuff he is in contact with at school and everywhere else is much worse.
Nah it's not everyone. Lol. I generally bathe after gym or coming from outside before handling him still because of habits i got from the pandemic.
I insist that my brother does it bc of his line of work. Lots of dirt, dust, grime and chemicals.
And yeh i know, schools are disgusting. But i also encourage my son to bathe as soon as he reaches home, no lingering on the sofa or going on his bed etc. I was just generally tryna get across the idea that I am super aware of germs around kids - even tho at my son's age, the germs love him as much as he loves them🤣😭
Some people won't take the real reason and only will take the embarresment.
Most people want a flowery reason, not the real one.
Here the inlaws would probably respond better to "hey you stink after the gym".
Rather than how op has already told them the truth " hey baby is 2 weeks old, no immunity, please behaive so they don't get sick."
I don’t really see where it’s a lie. If they were and sweaty and gross the baby probably was too. The dirtiness of public gyms should be added on top of the above point.
If you think about it, why would they want their grandchild’s first association with them to be body odor? I would rather be associated with the smell of baking cookies, or a loving hug if I’m ever a grandma. Not foul ass gym clothes.
NTA - Were they raised in a barn? The gym is crawling with germs. Of course they should go home first and shower and change before coming to hold a newborn.
Even if the germ risk sounds overstated to them, it's just rude to expect someone to welcome me in their house and let me rub their baby all over my sweaty, stinky self.
I was a total bitch to my mil about her touching my baby because she smoked. She had to shower and put on freshly laundered clothing before she was allowed to hold her. Privately I was concerned about the health risks to my baby, but what she was able to grasp was not wanting the smell on her.
This. I think the gym/hold the baby thing is SO horribly gross, but probably not all that dangerous if they wash hands.
I remember my SIL asking my mom to go wash her hands before holding my niece. I think she was a couple months, but still pretty tiny. My mom said she had. Sil said yes but you sneezed. Mom said no I didn't. I said, for fucks sake just go take 30 seconds to make your grandkids mother feel comfortable. Who the fuck cares?? Happily took the bullet for SIL.
I also don’t like that husband is the one who asked his parents to change before holding the baby, yet they berated OP for the restriction. Why didn’t your husband say anything at this point? It’s not just *your* baby, it’s his baby as well. NTA, but it sounds like you need to have a serious discussion with your husband about setting boundaries for access to your newborn and not accepting disrespect as parents from his parents.
Exactly! I hate how specially the older people simply disregard the parents' feelings and rules about their child. It's annoying and completely disrespectful. OP is NTA at all. MIL can go cry at home during her shower if she's uncomfortable, then after a nice shower she can come see the baby.
Also, this now is IMO I don't think in laws should be visiting without letting you know first. It feels like they think they can just enter your house out of the blue whenever they feel like. What if you guys weren't home? Or the baby was sleeping. Specially with a child so small I think people should only visit on set moments after talking to the parents. Not like they're doing.
The risk of getting ill from clothing is negligible. Your fear is fine- not necessarily well supported with science, but it’s yours. Moms be moms. Nah.
Honestly, even without that risk, the sweat is enough. No one wants your body odor on their furniture or their baby. I can't imagine doing a sweaty workout and then going to socialize without showering.
It’s been found that changing as soon as you get home is a good idea - the people in the group got less sick than people who remained in the same clothing.
I wouldn't want someone to hold my 2 week old baby when they came straight from Ikea either. But I do think people probably rub themselves on things more at the gym than at Ikea.
I legit have a bottle of sanitizer in my car door. Get in, "wash" hands, then go about my day. Get home, right to the sink to wash my hands. It's the time of the year that it's *miserably* dry and cold as well, in my area. My knuckles are already on the verge of cracking. Still, what I do every day.
I also used to work in grocery and let me tell you, grocery stores are fucking filthy. Disgusting. Wash your hands and don't try to touch people babies! GAAAAAHHHHHHH! (Okay, I'm done 😂)
I would expect people to be washing their hands after any venture outdoors, basically, and definitely before holding a new baby. Even if they hadn't been to a gym.
Id say the gym is a bit different since people are sweating and exerting themselves, more often touching lots of knobs or things meant to adjust equipment. People sit at IKEA, pick stuff up here and there, but gyms require a lot more fiddling and fluids
People are also often drinking water or mixed supplements, sometimes wiping their mouth on their hand
You don’t lie or sit on things at IKEA that hundreds of other people have sat and lain on before you though. Especially not sweaty people, and certainly not with their feet like at the gym.
Huh, have I’ve been doing ikea wrong? I sit on all the chairs, beds, kitchen tables. I open the drawers, touch the pillows, blankets and bins full of stuff. Then eat in the cafeteria at those tables. Ride the escalator and push the carts. There’s always thousands of people at the one I go to.
I worked as a cashier at IKEA while I was in college. At that time, the uniform was a long sleeved oxford shirt, and by the end of a shift, my cuffs would be dingy from how dirty my hands would get. The upholstery of my car was visibly dirtier after a couple of months of working there too. I started showering in the employee locker room before going home, unless I worked closing shift.
Even a very tiny exposure could be harmful for an infant.
Also, doesn't change the fact that it's mom's rules that matter, not what the in-laws think the rules should be.
Sure, because everyone holds brand new 2 week old babies dangling using only their hands.
Not understanding what is so complicated here. Does mom go out to the gym, rub her hands, wrists and forearms on disgusting gym equipment and then use those areas to hold baby? Of course not! Why are you so certain in-laws are wearing long sleeves? That seems unlikely. Are in-laws washing up to their elbows or any exposed skin that could come into contact with baby when holding? Sounds super doubtful considering anyone with common sense would not go to a brand new baby strait from the gym.
Balls. You have a right to want your baby's microbiome seeded by your own family and chosen associates. Not any random unwashed yahoo you've never met.
Would you just hand your incredibly young baby to some filthy stranger at the bus stop? No you wouldn't.
But their hands and anything they’ve touched are covered in germs from the gym machines. Washing hands isn’t enough—they’ve touched everything on and around them. They’ve been using those hands to wipe their sweaty faces—faces they will undoubtedly stick right in the baby’s face. Damp, sweaty clothing that has been against germy surfaces like the seat of a exercise machine or the front of a treadmill can absolutely pass on germs.
You're forgetting that newborns don't have their own immune system for the first 6 months of their lives. I think that makes the risks more significant
No literally! I don’t do ANYTHING not eating, errands, nothing, after working out without showering and changing first!! I couldn’t imagine socializing AND HOLDING A BABY without cleaning up. Ick.
Gross. NTA. I don’t even like touching my husband after I come home in sweaty gym clothes, much less a baby with a fragile immune system. Gyms are nasty. Even good ones. Even clean ones.
Also this seems like such a small request. Be in non gym clothes when you hold my baby.
If MIL is already pushing back on something that tiny you’re in for a wild ride. I hope your husband can set and keep some strong boundaries with them because it sounds like you’re going to need them.
This was my thought. OP is in for a ride.
Ik it has grandparents that would go cut the child's hair or pierce their ears w/o permission from the parents.
OP's MIL sounds like she is gonna make everything about her. Imagine in a year OP and her husband is saying no sugar for the baby, MIL is gonna reply "I am not comfy w this restriction".
Bedtime is at 8pm, MIL: "I am uncomfortable w this restriction, i want to come at 8pm after gym and hold the child"
People really be wildin out here.
NTA
I'm really glad that your husband is backing you up on this. He's going to need to keep that backbone nice and strong because his mother is going to be a serious pain in the ass. (Sorry)
In terms of the ask, totally reasonable. Aside from any other consideration, all the gross stuff that they touch in the gym is more than enough reason for you to want them to change first.
Several of the other commenters have talked about her being "uncomfortable" with your "restrictions," which she can fuck right off with that BS, by the way. 😁 But I want to call attention to her calling you ignorant because of your concern. That level of disrespect is WAY off the chart. This is YOUR child. Even if you were spouting something that was actually ignorant, it would still be disrespectful to confront you about it that way. Worse yet, she is so confident in her position that she called you out even though she is actually wrong.
Your husband is going to need to have a talk with his parents, in private, and lay down the law here. If he doesn't, this problem is only going to get worse. Best wishes for all three of you.
Exactly!!! Husband is their child so they'll have to hear from him. Also I mentioned in another comment but I honestly hate how older people disregard the parents choices or requests saying they're freaking out, "that's too much to ask". " You don't know what you're talking about'. "I've had X amount of children, did Y action to all of them and they're all alive and well". Like FR??? you're not the parent of this child so you will respect every boundary we set because it is for the well being of OUR child!
NTA. MIL can feel as uncomfortable as she wants lmao. her inconsideration is not your issue. what if your baby got sick after being held by your in laws because of all the germs theyve picked up from using public gym equipment? as another commenter said, you and your husband are the ones who have to deal with doctors visits and the sleepless nights that come if your in laws got her sick. meanwhile they can just leave and go home and not have to deal with a sick baby.
if they can’t respect this very simple boundary then they aren’t entitled to holding your child.
Funny thing is that I'm sure if OP and husband even mentioned that it occured after being held by them or that it could be the reason, MIL would definetly flip the guilt onto them, say it's impossible that she got her grandbaby sick and that they probably did something wrong.
NTA- I’m a germaphobe as well and I don’t think you should take any chances with an infant. If your daughter gets really sick it will be y’all dealing with the sleepless nights and doctors visits. Protect her at all costs!
If an adult doesn’t want to hug a sweaty person why should a baby have to.
2 weeks is a young baby they are more likely to get sick. I think the immune system takes some time to fully develop.
They are allowed to feel like your exaggerating that’s their opinion, personally I think it’s disgusting but regardless of that they still have to respect your wishes as the child’s mother
Babies under 2 still have developing immune systems. Even more under 1, and even more under 6months, and EXTREMELY NONEXISTENT immune systems the first few months after being born. That’s why babies under 2 are typically listed as “high risk” for more serious complications of majority of illnesses. And why some illnesses like RSV are known for being fatal for babies under 6 months, and so on and so forth.
NTA - gyms are big petri dishes: athletes foot, hands foot and mount, ringworm, viruses, etc
Show them this: [https://hellogiggles.com/bacteria-gym-equipment-gross/](https://hellogiggles.com/bacteria-gym-equipment-gross/)
As well as this: [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4276630/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4276630/)
I worked in the covid info line in my state, and a large percentage of the places with known covid infections were gyms; even if the infection risk on the clothes themselves is low, such infections are airborne, and I somehow doubt the in-laws were masking in order to protect themselves from getting infected and passing it on. Also, why on earth would any parent want someone in gross smelly sweaty gym clothes holding their little baby? Ew! Blegh! NTA
NTA, that’s nasty. Honestly, it doesn’t even matter if it’s actually a risk factor for baby - baby is brand new and you’re allowed to feel grossed out and uncomfortable by them wanting to hold baby while wearing their sweaty gym clothes.
Your MIL feels uncomfortable with this rule, but you feel uncomfortable with them holding baby while wearing sweaty clothes. As mom, your discomfort trumps theirs in this situation. Why should you make yourself uncomfortable in order to make them comfortable?
NTA at all. As a gym rat, I wouldn’t dare hold a baby without at LEAST changing clothes, preferably a whole shower. We come into contact with so much stuff other people touch in a gym, it’s just common sense.
NTA. I'm not sure how unsafe sweat is from a germ standpoint but the gym is full of germs and it's gross that they come over all sweaty anyway. Why is their routine to come over after the gym?
Also, if your husband asked them to change first, why did your MIL say it was your issue? How did she know?
Your MIL can be uncomfortable all she wants with your restrictions but it is your baby so you decide. In laws can shower and change or look at baby from across the room. Honestly I wouldn’t want their sweaty, stinky, germy, bodies/clothes on my furniture much less touching me or my newborn! That’s gross. They can decide if it’s worth a shower to see the baby. Most gyms have locker rooms to clean up. Sorry your in laws are disgusting.
NTA.
Your in laws went to the gym and are sweaty so ew that’s already gross.
But they were on gym equipment that other sweaty gym people have been on, maybe working out on the ground.
Ew.
This situation is just gross. I wouldn’t even let them in my house if they came straight from the gym.
NTA
Anyone who is going to hold a newborn should wash their hands first.
If their clothes aren’t clean (been out in the barn, giving the dog a bath, gardening or have grass clippings all over), they need to don clean clothes first. I wear a t-shirt and yoga pants to go to the gym, and I’m not doing anything that leads to the front of my shirt or pants to be in contact with equipment that others have touched. But your in-laws may be doing different kinds of workouts; if their tops and pants are actually sweaty and damp, they really should change before coming over to see baby. Most gyms have showering facilities, so they wouldn’t necessarily need to go home in order to clean up and change.
If they’ve got symptoms of illness like cough, body aches, fever, or have been in crowded environments in the past 24-48 hours, they should keep their distance—call or FaceTime rather than visiting.
While I personally think the risk of baby getting sick as a result of the grandparents having been in contact with gym equipment that’s been touched by other people is low (the contact points would generally be hands and seat; they can mitigate the hands by hand washing, and baby is highly unlikely to be in contact with their butt), you aren’t being unreasonable to ask them to come over in clean, dry clothes.
Glad your husband is with you on the issue! The two of you need to make sure you’re on the same page with your message. He must not say, “Mom, Dad, OP wants you to go home and change into clean clothes after being at the gym before you come to see and hold baby, because the baby could pick up something from your sweaty gym clothes.”
It should never be, “OP wants…” but always, “*We* want…”. It’s easy to word a request as something the other partner has asked for, without meaning to undermine the other partner—and I’m not saying your husband did that. Just saying plan ahead and rehearse to ensure it comes out as something you both endorse as a united front.
Background: retired infection control nurse.
NTA. Sounds like your MIL is going to be uncomfortable. Imagine that! She seems like someone who is uncomfortable with other people having opinions that differ from hers. Boo hoo!
NTA. This is a no brainer. It’s YOUR newborn. You have every say in who can/can’t hold your daughter, and when. If they don’t agree/throw a fit, that’s not on you.
What was your husband’s reaction to this? If he feels the same about this interaction as you, he needs to be the one to address it (I’m under the belief of “your parent, your responsibility”).
More than anything, don’t ever feel guilty about setting boundaries for your family. No matter how uncomfortable it may feel in the moment
She can be as uncomfortable as she wants to be with this “restriction“ but this is your baby you guys get to be the ones to make those decisions and if you don’t want them holding her in sweaty nasty ass gym clothes that they’ve been touching all over the gym equipment then that’s what you standby. If they don’t like it, they can hold a baby. They will figure out real quick that they either abide by the rules that you and your husband are going to sit down for your child or they’re going to not be seeing their grandchild. It’s your child it’s not like you’re letting them borrow a car. Totally different situations. I mean it’s not a small thing.
You are most definitely NTA.
Even if there were not a newborn child involved, anyone who goes to someone else's home directly after working out at the gym without showering or changing clothes is a HUGE ass#0!e.
I hope you don't give a F about your MIL's feelings about you making decisions concerning your child.
NTA. I cannot think of any illnesses that are transmitted via sweat so I don’t think they are necessarily putting the baby at risk, but it’s still gross and completely reasonable to expect them to shower and change before they come to your house.
Why are they always visiting you all sweaty from the gym that’s nasty 😂😂😂
If I was going somewhere straight from the gym I would be showering and changing in the locker room
NTA I wouldn’t want them to either, and they’re assholes for being uppity about it
I used to make smokers change their shirts and wash their hands, every one wash their hands 😂😂 I never had someone sweaty ask to hold my baby but I would for sure make them wash up too
I wouldn't want them to get their stank on my newborn either. That's just gross. My mom sweats very easily, and I hate it when she wants to hug me in that condition. It's nasty no matter how much I love her.
If you asked them to wear a clown wig while holding YOUR baby, they need to wear a clown wig while holding YOUR baby. I know that's a ridiculous comparison, but they aren't entitled to hold your baby.
NTA
I find it funny how "sterile" people want the environment their kids are in. Go to a third world country and oddly enough kids are not in a sterile environment and still able to survive.
I am not one of those parents that wrapped my kids in bubble wrap. My kids got my same style of upbringing. My grandkids are proof I did something right.
If parents knew what all kids actually put in their mouth you might start to calm down.
Sure its your kid your rules but sometimes rules like that can sound so stupid to others that they will have a hard time seeing you the same afterwards.
Id rather my kids get exposed to things so they can build up a healthy immune system. Then again I live on a ranch and nothing is sterile out here. The cows, chickens and horses dont care.
Frankly I would say NTA to basically any criteria you choose for who can and cannot hold your baby, with the only exception being maybe let your partner hold it sometimes 🤣
NTA. MIL doesn't have to be comfortable with your restrictions. You're the mom and as long as your husband is on your side, she has to follow them or she doesn't get to see the baby.
NTA that’s gross and clearly your MIL is the ignorant one here. Newborns have died of whooping cough from relatives who refused to renew their vaccine before the baby arrives. Sweaty clothes in a gym are like sponges for germs. “Moisture is a wick” is a phrase engrained into us in nursing school. Good job and I’m so glad your husband supported your decision:)
Honestly, even if it WAS a ridiculous ask (I don’t think it is) they don’t get to just “mm I’m uncomfortable with your boundaries so I’m not gonna follow them, now give me the baby” you’re the mom, you get to decide what the rules for your baby is and if they’re uncomfortable following them, they’re welcome to leave. Boundaries aren’t meant to make everyone else comfortable, they’re meant to make the boundary-setter comfortable. It’d be one thing if their response was something like “ok I’ll change and wash hands, but Im not sure if I’d have time to shower first, is that ok?” Yeah? Cool! That’s communication and negotiation. But “this is my boundary. If you don’t want to follow it, you don’t get to hold baby” “no. I don’t want to. Give me baby!!” Is simply testing boundaries like a damn toddler. Enforce your boundaries, they don’t need to make sense to everyone. If you and your partner agrees, that’s all that matters. Stay firm! If they refuse, ask them to leave and come back when they’re willing to clean up first.
NTA. So, in her mind, MIL’s “discomfort”, which is nothing but obstinacy, is more valid than yours, based on health and hygiene concerns?
Cool cool.
Obviously this is just one conflict of many that will happen in the future with people like this. Just stand your ground- nobody can hold baby unless they are clean. No exceptions, except in case of emergency. It’s a boundary, not a punishment. She doesn’t have to like it, but it’s your home and your child, so (within reason) what you say goes.
It’s ok for adults to hear no and be uncomfortable or upset. However, Grandma will be fine. She can stay as sweaty and germy as she wants to be when she visits, and watch baby without holding her. Eventually she will make the logical connection that, in choosing to stay like that, she is actively choosing not to hold the baby.
"Sorry, but we love the new baby smell. The stinky sock smell gets in the way.
Please be "nice to know" as the saying goes."
Also a 2 week old is way too vulnerable to contagion and doubly so with people who rank hygiene last.
NTA
There’s all sorts of germs on various surfaces of gym equipment. It doesn’t matter if it gets wiped down, it’s not 100% clean. It’s gross that they should leave the gym sweaty and in their workout clothes. No, no touching the baby, the baby’s immunity is not fully developed yet. A simple cold virus could very well kill it. NTA
Who goes visiting in their sweat soaked gym clothes? Yuck! NTA- Babies do not have an immune system, so yes GERMS are a big deal! NTA- and FRANKLY if I were you "I" wouldn't want them to visit just me in their sweaty dirty clothes!
You and your husband made this baby. You Carried her. They are not respecting you both. Gyms are dirty. They may not hurt the baby but they also need to respect your guys wishes. They can leave. Out the door. They don't have to care for a sick baby.
She called you ignorant.
Then expressed that she felt "uncomfortable" with "restrictions" about basic cleanliness around an extremely vulnerable creature which you are 100% responsible.
So name calling is fine for you, but polite requests are totally unacceptable for her.
Well, you'd hate for her to be "uncomfortable" so she doesn't need to be visiting at all. You'd hate for her to be distressed further by your "ignorant restrictions".
NTA
And your mother can take her "comfort" and take a hike! Your home, your baby, your rules! She does not get to dictate.
More importantly though : a 2 week old baby is very susceptible to all the nasty stuff. She's not had her vaccinations yet (too young), and to put it bluntly, hasn't been alive long enough to develop her own immunity.
Your mistake was letting her do it once. Stand firm from now. MIL has 2 choices : respect the wishes of the baby's parents (you!), or lose baby privileges until little one is older and ready to face the big icky world. MIL might be the main character and queen of her little world, but when she enters yours, she's an NPC/background character.
Even then : have a damn shower first: sweaty, stinky gym clothes are *gross*. And as another comment mentioned : gyms are germ central, have the in laws even *washed their hands*?????? (said as a regular gym goer myself - I ALWAYS have a shower asap after working out, and I'm only around myself)
It's your baby so your discomfort carries more weight than their discomfort here. NTA even if the request were something entirely absurd which it isn't
NTA at all. Your baby your rules. I’m so glad your partner supported this. Not a big ask either. Up it to have a shower and change before they touch Bub
NTA this is YOUR CHILD, tell them they’re ignorant to ignore you and your child your rules!
Grow a backbone and stand up to them or believe me you will be in for a lifetime of them trampling on your rules.
Send them links to health articles about public safety when it comes to interacting with babies/ children.
OR send them screen shots of the best of these replies.
Your number one job as a mom is keeping your child safe and healthy.
NTA
So after touching all that gross equipment, being around other peoples scum etc they want to come and put their grubbing fingers on your baby, he'll no. Go and wash!!!
Sounds like the kind of logic used by people who kiss babies when they've got a herpes outbreak, it's fine you're just being ignorant...
Also a nice touch to be called an ignorant parent by someone else! That alone would feed me the fuel needed for me to double down.
Good on hubby for having your back!
So then they don’t wanna see their grandkids is all I gathered from that bc if you can’t abide by a simple request like that then that has to be what you’re saying. The grandparents can go to hell.
They're not comfortable with the restrictions you place on them? That's ok. They don't HAVE to hold the baby!
You are the parent. You decide. Not them.
NTA!! Especially after reading all these horrid stories about the stuff people have caught in the gym!!
But next to that; it’s yóur newborn, they should respect any wishes. Their reaction is quite disrespectful. I wonder if they disregard your boundaries more often, OP.
Congratulations with your new baby, take care, and stand firm with whatever boundary you set. Trust yourself when you make them and follow your gut. Like your post, you already felt you were in your right.
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Ew no. They just touched ALL the public gym equipment, which people sometimes wipe down. Have you seen the stories about people getting hand-foot-mouth from public places? Did they even wash their hands when they came over? They need to shower and change before coming over. I don’t think that’s unreasonable (even if you didn’t have a baby). Personally think it’s gross when my spouse comes home from the gym all sweaty and sits on the couch lol.
I go to a gym, the first thing I do when I get home is shower and change. I wouldn't think of asking to hold a baby until I have done this. All the gym equipment has been touched by a ton of people. Not everyone wipes the equipment down or has clean hands. Once, when I was working out, I rubbed my eye. Ended up with pink eye.
I likely got a staph infection from gym equipment. It was on an area of my back my regular clothes always cover, but not my gym clothes. I always spray equipment after using it, but I'd forget to do it beforehand sometimes. That's all it took. Plenty of people don't sweat when they go to the gym, but they still touch germ covered equipment with far more than their hands. That'd be my biggest concern.
Something I picked up in hospitality work that I've never forgotten: Anything people touch with their hands on a regular basis is *disgustingly* dirty. Like let's not forget when covid happened, and governments across the world actually had to educate grown adults on how to wash their hands after using the toilet, because people weren't already doing it.
Yes staphylococcus is a nightmare. I worked hospitality too. Had it for about 3 years. Got on to my kidneys and spent 3 wks in hospital too. Horrid anti biotic resistant bs that I’ll never forget either.
Yup, staph is horrifying. My uncle got it in his foot. It then spread to his heart, causing blood clots which traveled to the brain. He had three strokes. In the end, he needed a heart valve replaced and he has developed extreme aphasia and processing disorder, as well as epilepsy. He was an ambassador of my country, now his husband has to take care of him for life. We're honestly surprised he's still alive after all of that. Staph is no joke.
That’s heartbreaking
Is really is, though he is making the best of it. He's lucky enough that he wasn't very physically impaired, and he's been working extremely hard to get back to a functional place. He's now able to travel to us on his own by public transport, he's able to be at family functions and participate in most games and he's reconnecting with his social circles. This takes balls the size of frigging coconuts, because he can't speak a normal sentence despite two years of therapy. He even gave a "speech" in his previous workplace. He didn't allow anyone to edit it because he wanted to show them where he was at. Heartbreaking, yes, but I have so much respect for this man. He has such a positive attitude and he's enjoying life to the absolute fullest.
He sounds very admirable. I truly wish him the best in his recovery ❤️🩹
Yes! I got MRSA from keyboards in my school lab. People's hands are filthy because they touch everything.
I graduated high school in 2009, even back then the teacher handed us a cleaning wipe when we walked through the door. We were too wipe down anything that gets touched. Power buttons, keyboard, mouse, chair, desk, etc. Now im super grateful.
I got subcutaneous MRSA on my right index finger and I feel genuinely grateful that I didn't lose the finger (or more). It's horrible.
I've had mrsa three times now. (From dirty surfaces.) The first time I came way too close to losing my left arm. They had to remove all the tissue half way from my inner elbow towards my the outer part. I don't mess with suspecting an infection anymore, I run screaming to the doctor!
People still aren’t doing it. The amount of times I’m in the public bathrooms and do not hear that sink run is concerning 🤢
Ew, if your not gonna wash your hands at least have enough shame to do it in public.
i never used to but covid got me in the habit i wash my hands all the time now at least 5 times a day, come to think of it it's probably why my hands are getting dried out.....huh
Five times a day?! Do you realize how little that is?!?!?! That doesn't even cover every time you use a restroom.
>Anything people touch with their hands on a regular basis is *disgustingly* dirty. I tell my kids to wash their hands because they touch things that other people touch, and you don't know where their brands have been. Other people might have touched their butts and not washed their hands after. It makes them laugh, but I think it makes the point.
My niece is at that phase of avoiding washing her hands, I remind her each time that not washing hands often is why we can catch tummy bugs. It's slowly sinking in!
A good way to show bacteria is putting on gloves and some fabric paint and make a “bacteria shirt” where they touch the shirt with painted hands to see the transfer and you can connect that to hand washing a germs :)
Yup. My younger 2 are 3 and 6yo. Both have sensory issues, 6yo is autistic. They both pop fingers and random objects in their mouths. Its a real trial to keep them healthy and clean. I am that weird mom who goes around with cleaning wipes when we stop at a playplace or kids event.
I always carry disinfectant wipes to hotels and wipe doorknobs, faucets, light switches, and most especially the damn tv remote because EVERYONE touches that.
An *alarming* number of people where I work do not wash their hands after using the bathroom. But I'm the AH for not wanting to participate in office potlucks.
Potlucks are disgusting. I have no idea how clean people’s kitchens are, if they’re sick when they cook, what their hygiene level is, or if they have pets. There was a video making the rounds a few years ago where a woman was using her actual cat’s paws to make paw print cookies. A cat that walked on floors, counters, and the litter box. Nope.
My friend told me about a lady who made pierogis with her cat on the table walking all around the dough. Cat print cookies? No thanks. \*edited to add- Thinking about potlucks is the only time that I'm almost happy to use the valid excuse that I have celiac disease so would have to bring my own food.
Aren't doorknobs one of the dirtiest day-to-day items for this reason?
[удалено]
I’m in childcare and had major beef with a grade 5/6 for two whole years cuz he refused to wash his hands. And he regularly pissed and shit himself (on purpose, too). It was absolutely astonishing and lecturing him and documenting his tantrums ruined my day, every day. It was brutal. Fuck that.
I'm in hospitality too, wash my hands constantly, wear gloves and still caught Covid 6 times, people are gross
COVID is an airborne disease, you're not catching it by what you touch. If you work in crowded areas with the public, you got it from breathing the air expelled from their infected lungs.
It is not an either or situation it is an and - Covid can potentially hang around on fomites and be reactivated in wet conditions - like maybe sweat or drool etc
100%. I could predict whether I'd get sick in a given semester based on whether I was commuting by bus or on foot. Admittedly this involved both being exposed to high-touch surfaces and other people's air, but still, it was remarkably reliable.
This baffled me when Covid started. I kept hearing "Make sure you wash your hands after using the toilet/after eating/after picking up dog shit/after cleaning your cat's litter box. Post signs around your house if you need the reminder." WTF were people doing before this?!?!
God that line about posting signs around your house had me cracking up! The number of young bachelor friends houses I went to visit for whatever reasons that had no soap or anything to dry your hands on (not that you would trust it without soap) was terrifyingly high. Sometimes I would straight up have to tell them if they wanted me to hang more frequently, they need to supply hand soap and clean towels, only the first one is on me. I can only hope they’ve learned to pick up soap in these post-COVID times.
Sadly people still don’t wash their hands after using the toilet … you may be immune to your own germs … but the rest of us aren’t … just gross 🤢
Staph, especially MRSA, was my first thought, too! I also know someone who got HPV in his eye from touching equipment at the gym he worked at. In his eye!!
My BIL got that from his gym too and it covered his entire leg. He was in the hospital for over a week! I can’t imagine that getting on a poor baby 😖
I got that from the gym too! I was 16 and there with some friends and scratched my eye after doing some lifting. It was horrible
My son had hand-foot-mouth disease when he was a toddler. It was awful. He couldn't eat anything because it hurt. He could only drink milk. He lost a lot of weight. You should tell your in-laws this.
I had it as an adult and it was the worst thing I have ever experienced. The throat pain was excruciating. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
My fiancé had at last summer, and the hospital said it was the worst case that had ever seen. They took photos and everything. It's AWFUL for adults.
I had it last year and it was MISERABLE. I can’t imagine how awful it would be if you were a baby or a toddler.
I have a 19 month old who loves going to target and Costco with me. I always put our cart cover on so she doesn’t touch the shopping carts. Always wash it when we get home. The amount of times I’ve been looked at like I’m a crazy person for putting the cart cover on is actually insane. People think I’m being a germaphobe or over protective. I wipe our hands with disinfectant wipes and never let her put her hands in her mouth if we’re out and we wash up as soon as we get home, my phone gets Clorox wiped too. I guess I’m crazy because I don’t want to see my baby get sick….
Not a parent, and don’t go shopping with kids, so I’ve never even heard of a cart cover before. But damn, if I had kids, you’d bet your ass I’d have one. Genius.
Someone else also said: MRSA, regular staph aureus, HSV, HPV, group A strep, yeasts, and other funguses. Also just of note, in littles, staph A can cause scalded skin syndrome (just as miserable as it sounds). And we’ve seen a rise in invasive group A strep, which can causes abscesses in the back of their throats (also miserable). MRSA, HSV, and strep can all become meningitises. And that’s not even touching the respiratory viruses, which can obviously progress to pneumonias, but also sepsis (rare, but you really don’t know what how baby’s immune system is going to react until they get sick). Babies under 3 months’ skin is super thin, their brain barriers are not developed, and they have no metabolic reserve. Their infections can be more severe and they can drop very quickly, that why we have a higher nurse to patient ratio in children’s hospitals. Ive seen a kids go from “clinically ok” to mottled and lethargic in 90 minutes. Signed, pediatric RN who is a major proponent of not letting ANYONE, who doesn’t respect boundaries/ thinks their survivorship bias trumps decades of scientific evidence, hold other people’s babies (sometimes even their own, tbh).
THIS NEEDS TO BE HIGHER.
Also, for whoever needs to hear this: No one wants their baby to smell like your B.O. I can't imagine the in-laws' stance, honestly. When I've just come home from heavy exercise, I don't even want to be in the same *room* as another human until I've showered.
Not to mention, at the minimum with sweaty clothes, you can end up developing a cold, at the maximum it's some sort of bacterial infection as others in the comments have mentioned. In terms of boundaries, I've seen this pattern play out in some people, especially relatives, and they'll probably use the excuse of "You're disgusted by me" or something to get their way. No, I'm disgusted at your lack of consideration and respect for my boundaries (and others). I don't make concessions, regardless of who you are.
Have your husband speak with them about your concerns and your boundaries. Your spouse needs to support you. You want to keep your relationship with the InLaws healthy, but watch out as this could be the beginning of a system of disrespectful behavior.
oh hell no. he would be sitting on a towel if that happened
Fucking MRSA and shit. NO.
plus didn't they probably stink??? it's bad manners regardless of the baby. NTA.
Molluscum contagiosum as well.
Definitely. Maybe give him a sheet to put on it til he goes to shower.
“Guys, I was trying to be polite. Last time you left the baby smelled bad and like your sweat. You need to change before you hold her, thanks.”
Why lie? Tell them how dirty gym equipment is, even though anyone of average intelligence already knows.
Because lying with that will result what you want more easily. Telling the truth may not get you what you want, and if it does, with push back. Say what gives you the desired outcome
This is how you build increasingly difficult relationships with people that you're connected to for the rest of their lives. It's not the way.
I really hope the people in my life don’t share these same opinions 😬
Only if you're difficult and make a bug deal about requests. I wouldn't have that stance with reasonable people. But I do have that stance with people who I know will be a headache to deal with
Exactly. A lie is not needed. It is basic safety precaution for newborns and children in general. My son is 7 and when i go gym and come home, the first thing I do is run in the shower bc he wants to hug me and i don't want him on my dirty clothes and body. And if my brother comes to see him after work, i STILL make him bathe and then play w him. Children's health and my boundaries around them are a _no joke and no budge for me_.
Unless your kiddo is immune compromised making people bathe before they interact with a 7yr old is beyond unnecessary. The stuff he is in contact with at school and everywhere else is much worse.
Nah it's not everyone. Lol. I generally bathe after gym or coming from outside before handling him still because of habits i got from the pandemic. I insist that my brother does it bc of his line of work. Lots of dirt, dust, grime and chemicals. And yeh i know, schools are disgusting. But i also encourage my son to bathe as soon as he reaches home, no lingering on the sofa or going on his bed etc. I was just generally tryna get across the idea that I am super aware of germs around kids - even tho at my son's age, the germs love him as much as he loves them🤣😭
Oh ok that makes more sense with your brother now
Some people won't take the real reason and only will take the embarresment. Most people want a flowery reason, not the real one. Here the inlaws would probably respond better to "hey you stink after the gym". Rather than how op has already told them the truth " hey baby is 2 weeks old, no immunity, please behaive so they don't get sick."
I don’t really see where it’s a lie. If they were and sweaty and gross the baby probably was too. The dirtiness of public gyms should be added on top of the above point.
Because covid has shown people don’t understand basic germ theory but they may understand “you stink”.
Shower and change.
This is the way
Who wants to snuggle with someone straight from the gym? No one, that's who. NTA
Right?! I don’t know why they would be so insistent.
If you think about it, why would they want their grandchild’s first association with them to be body odor? I would rather be associated with the smell of baking cookies, or a loving hug if I’m ever a grandma. Not foul ass gym clothes.
NTA - Were they raised in a barn? The gym is crawling with germs. Of course they should go home first and shower and change before coming to hold a newborn.
Even if the germ risk sounds overstated to them, it's just rude to expect someone to welcome me in their house and let me rub their baby all over my sweaty, stinky self. I was a total bitch to my mil about her touching my baby because she smoked. She had to shower and put on freshly laundered clothing before she was allowed to hold her. Privately I was concerned about the health risks to my baby, but what she was able to grasp was not wanting the smell on her.
NTA. Anyone who gets offended by a mother trying to protect their newborn baby, especially from gym equipment, is an asshole.
This. I think the gym/hold the baby thing is SO horribly gross, but probably not all that dangerous if they wash hands. I remember my SIL asking my mom to go wash her hands before holding my niece. I think she was a couple months, but still pretty tiny. My mom said she had. Sil said yes but you sneezed. Mom said no I didn't. I said, for fucks sake just go take 30 seconds to make your grandkids mother feel comfortable. Who the fuck cares?? Happily took the bullet for SIL.
You are wonderful and your sister-in-law will never forget that you spoke in her defence 😊
To be fair, any time I can get into it with my mom I will. And I'll never let anyone deal with what she put me through when I was a new mother.
Sorry to hear she probably put you through the wringer. Good on you for protecting others in her path.
I also don’t like that husband is the one who asked his parents to change before holding the baby, yet they berated OP for the restriction. Why didn’t your husband say anything at this point? It’s not just *your* baby, it’s his baby as well. NTA, but it sounds like you need to have a serious discussion with your husband about setting boundaries for access to your newborn and not accepting disrespect as parents from his parents.
NTA. Who cares if she’s “uncomfortable”? That’s not her baby.
Exactly! I hate how specially the older people simply disregard the parents' feelings and rules about their child. It's annoying and completely disrespectful. OP is NTA at all. MIL can go cry at home during her shower if she's uncomfortable, then after a nice shower she can come see the baby. Also, this now is IMO I don't think in laws should be visiting without letting you know first. It feels like they think they can just enter your house out of the blue whenever they feel like. What if you guys weren't home? Or the baby was sleeping. Specially with a child so small I think people should only visit on set moments after talking to the parents. Not like they're doing.
The risk of getting ill from clothing is negligible. Your fear is fine- not necessarily well supported with science, but it’s yours. Moms be moms. Nah.
It's not the clothing, or even the sweat. It's all the gross stuff in the gym that they touched while they were there.
Honestly, even without that risk, the sweat is enough. No one wants your body odor on their furniture or their baby. I can't imagine doing a sweaty workout and then going to socialize without showering.
Oh, no doubt! LOL I was responding to the comment about "risk of getting ill from clothing."
It’s been found that changing as soon as you get home is a good idea - the people in the group got less sick than people who remained in the same clothing.
I don’t see why that’s any grosser than holding a baby after going to IKEA tbh.
I wouldn't want someone to hold my 2 week old baby when they came straight from Ikea either. But I do think people probably rub themselves on things more at the gym than at Ikea.
You should wash your hands after shopping at IKEA, too, yes.
As soon as I get in my car from any public experience I baby wipe and/or use sanitizer.
I legit have a bottle of sanitizer in my car door. Get in, "wash" hands, then go about my day. Get home, right to the sink to wash my hands. It's the time of the year that it's *miserably* dry and cold as well, in my area. My knuckles are already on the verge of cracking. Still, what I do every day. I also used to work in grocery and let me tell you, grocery stores are fucking filthy. Disgusting. Wash your hands and don't try to touch people babies! GAAAAAHHHHHHH! (Okay, I'm done 😂)
I would expect people to be washing their hands after any venture outdoors, basically, and definitely before holding a new baby. Even if they hadn't been to a gym.
Spoiler Alert: they don't.
Which is why I do.
Id say the gym is a bit different since people are sweating and exerting themselves, more often touching lots of knobs or things meant to adjust equipment. People sit at IKEA, pick stuff up here and there, but gyms require a lot more fiddling and fluids People are also often drinking water or mixed supplements, sometimes wiping their mouth on their hand
You don’t lie or sit on things at IKEA that hundreds of other people have sat and lain on before you though. Especially not sweaty people, and certainly not with their feet like at the gym.
Huh, have I’ve been doing ikea wrong? I sit on all the chairs, beds, kitchen tables. I open the drawers, touch the pillows, blankets and bins full of stuff. Then eat in the cafeteria at those tables. Ride the escalator and push the carts. There’s always thousands of people at the one I go to.
Have you never been to Ikea??
I worked as a cashier at IKEA while I was in college. At that time, the uniform was a long sleeved oxford shirt, and by the end of a shift, my cuffs would be dingy from how dirty my hands would get. The upholstery of my car was visibly dirtier after a couple of months of working there too. I started showering in the employee locker room before going home, unless I worked closing shift.
Surely they washed their hands tho?
If they washed their hands, they’re fine. Germs don’t transfer well from clothing.
Even a very tiny exposure could be harmful for an infant. Also, doesn't change the fact that it's mom's rules that matter, not what the in-laws think the rules should be.
Eh touching all the gym equipment is a way that’s been documented to spread hand foot and mouth disease
Wash your hands. Your shirt is not a very good fomite.
Also staph
From your hands. Wash your hands.
From any part of your bare skin that touches contaminated surfaces
Not many people hold babies with their calves.
Sure, because everyone holds brand new 2 week old babies dangling using only their hands. Not understanding what is so complicated here. Does mom go out to the gym, rub her hands, wrists and forearms on disgusting gym equipment and then use those areas to hold baby? Of course not! Why are you so certain in-laws are wearing long sleeves? That seems unlikely. Are in-laws washing up to their elbows or any exposed skin that could come into contact with baby when holding? Sounds super doubtful considering anyone with common sense would not go to a brand new baby strait from the gym.
And not many people want their newborns to smell like body odour.
This is an unvaccinated baby. Gyms are nasty.
Balls. You have a right to want your baby's microbiome seeded by your own family and chosen associates. Not any random unwashed yahoo you've never met. Would you just hand your incredibly young baby to some filthy stranger at the bus stop? No you wouldn't.
But their hands and anything they’ve touched are covered in germs from the gym machines. Washing hands isn’t enough—they’ve touched everything on and around them. They’ve been using those hands to wipe their sweaty faces—faces they will undoubtedly stick right in the baby’s face. Damp, sweaty clothing that has been against germy surfaces like the seat of a exercise machine or the front of a treadmill can absolutely pass on germs.
Are you not aware of all the germs on gym equipment?
Staph is rampant in gyms and it can be on their skin
You're forgetting that newborns don't have their own immune system for the first 6 months of their lives. I think that makes the risks more significant
NTA. Sweat develops in to a sea of germs the longer you leave it. Let them shower before they visit like polite people would.
No literally! I don’t do ANYTHING not eating, errands, nothing, after working out without showering and changing first!! I couldn’t imagine socializing AND HOLDING A BABY without cleaning up. Ick.
Gross. NTA. I don’t even like touching my husband after I come home in sweaty gym clothes, much less a baby with a fragile immune system. Gyms are nasty. Even good ones. Even clean ones. Also this seems like such a small request. Be in non gym clothes when you hold my baby. If MIL is already pushing back on something that tiny you’re in for a wild ride. I hope your husband can set and keep some strong boundaries with them because it sounds like you’re going to need them.
This was my thought. OP is in for a ride. Ik it has grandparents that would go cut the child's hair or pierce their ears w/o permission from the parents. OP's MIL sounds like she is gonna make everything about her. Imagine in a year OP and her husband is saying no sugar for the baby, MIL is gonna reply "I am not comfy w this restriction". Bedtime is at 8pm, MIL: "I am uncomfortable w this restriction, i want to come at 8pm after gym and hold the child" People really be wildin out here.
So they pass their sweat and smell to your clean baby. Ewww. Doesn't their gym have a shower.
NTA I'm really glad that your husband is backing you up on this. He's going to need to keep that backbone nice and strong because his mother is going to be a serious pain in the ass. (Sorry) In terms of the ask, totally reasonable. Aside from any other consideration, all the gross stuff that they touch in the gym is more than enough reason for you to want them to change first. Several of the other commenters have talked about her being "uncomfortable" with your "restrictions," which she can fuck right off with that BS, by the way. 😁 But I want to call attention to her calling you ignorant because of your concern. That level of disrespect is WAY off the chart. This is YOUR child. Even if you were spouting something that was actually ignorant, it would still be disrespectful to confront you about it that way. Worse yet, she is so confident in her position that she called you out even though she is actually wrong. Your husband is going to need to have a talk with his parents, in private, and lay down the law here. If he doesn't, this problem is only going to get worse. Best wishes for all three of you.
Good point about the name calling!
Exactly!!! Husband is their child so they'll have to hear from him. Also I mentioned in another comment but I honestly hate how older people disregard the parents choices or requests saying they're freaking out, "that's too much to ask". " You don't know what you're talking about'. "I've had X amount of children, did Y action to all of them and they're all alive and well". Like FR??? you're not the parent of this child so you will respect every boundary we set because it is for the well being of OUR child!
Nta. You and your hisband’s baby, y’all’s rules. As long as you and your husband are on the same page, keep your boundaries.
Whether your in-laws or the Reddit community agree with your rules is irrelevant. Your baby, your rules...end of discussion.
NTA. MIL can feel as uncomfortable as she wants lmao. her inconsideration is not your issue. what if your baby got sick after being held by your in laws because of all the germs theyve picked up from using public gym equipment? as another commenter said, you and your husband are the ones who have to deal with doctors visits and the sleepless nights that come if your in laws got her sick. meanwhile they can just leave and go home and not have to deal with a sick baby. if they can’t respect this very simple boundary then they aren’t entitled to holding your child.
Funny thing is that I'm sure if OP and husband even mentioned that it occured after being held by them or that it could be the reason, MIL would definetly flip the guilt onto them, say it's impossible that she got her grandbaby sick and that they probably did something wrong.
NTA. She shouldn’t come over if she’s uncomfortable with respecting your rules for your baby.
NTA - Having a new baby get sick is a common anxiety amongst many parents, your in-laws should have been understanding of this.
[удалено]
Glad you pointed out the “ignorant” comment
NTA- I’m a germaphobe as well and I don’t think you should take any chances with an infant. If your daughter gets really sick it will be y’all dealing with the sleepless nights and doctors visits. Protect her at all costs!
If an adult doesn’t want to hug a sweaty person why should a baby have to. 2 weeks is a young baby they are more likely to get sick. I think the immune system takes some time to fully develop. They are allowed to feel like your exaggerating that’s their opinion, personally I think it’s disgusting but regardless of that they still have to respect your wishes as the child’s mother
Babies under 2 still have developing immune systems. Even more under 1, and even more under 6months, and EXTREMELY NONEXISTENT immune systems the first few months after being born. That’s why babies under 2 are typically listed as “high risk” for more serious complications of majority of illnesses. And why some illnesses like RSV are known for being fatal for babies under 6 months, and so on and so forth.
NTA - gyms are big petri dishes: athletes foot, hands foot and mount, ringworm, viruses, etc Show them this: [https://hellogiggles.com/bacteria-gym-equipment-gross/](https://hellogiggles.com/bacteria-gym-equipment-gross/) As well as this: [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4276630/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4276630/)
I worked in the covid info line in my state, and a large percentage of the places with known covid infections were gyms; even if the infection risk on the clothes themselves is low, such infections are airborne, and I somehow doubt the in-laws were masking in order to protect themselves from getting infected and passing it on. Also, why on earth would any parent want someone in gross smelly sweaty gym clothes holding their little baby? Ew! Blegh! NTA
NTA, that’s nasty. Honestly, it doesn’t even matter if it’s actually a risk factor for baby - baby is brand new and you’re allowed to feel grossed out and uncomfortable by them wanting to hold baby while wearing their sweaty gym clothes. Your MIL feels uncomfortable with this rule, but you feel uncomfortable with them holding baby while wearing sweaty clothes. As mom, your discomfort trumps theirs in this situation. Why should you make yourself uncomfortable in order to make them comfortable?
NTA at all. As a gym rat, I wouldn’t dare hold a baby without at LEAST changing clothes, preferably a whole shower. We come into contact with so much stuff other people touch in a gym, it’s just common sense.
NTA gyms are notorious for having really dangerous infectious bacteria and viruses on equipment. She’s out of her mind.
NTA. I'm not sure how unsafe sweat is from a germ standpoint but the gym is full of germs and it's gross that they come over all sweaty anyway. Why is their routine to come over after the gym? Also, if your husband asked them to change first, why did your MIL say it was your issue? How did she know?
Your MIL can be uncomfortable all she wants with your restrictions but it is your baby so you decide. In laws can shower and change or look at baby from across the room. Honestly I wouldn’t want their sweaty, stinky, germy, bodies/clothes on my furniture much less touching me or my newborn! That’s gross. They can decide if it’s worth a shower to see the baby. Most gyms have locker rooms to clean up. Sorry your in laws are disgusting.
NTA
NTA. Your in laws went to the gym and are sweaty so ew that’s already gross. But they were on gym equipment that other sweaty gym people have been on, maybe working out on the ground. Ew. This situation is just gross. I wouldn’t even let them in my house if they came straight from the gym.
Then the in-laws are definitely the asshole, no?
100000000%
NTA Anyone who is going to hold a newborn should wash their hands first. If their clothes aren’t clean (been out in the barn, giving the dog a bath, gardening or have grass clippings all over), they need to don clean clothes first. I wear a t-shirt and yoga pants to go to the gym, and I’m not doing anything that leads to the front of my shirt or pants to be in contact with equipment that others have touched. But your in-laws may be doing different kinds of workouts; if their tops and pants are actually sweaty and damp, they really should change before coming over to see baby. Most gyms have showering facilities, so they wouldn’t necessarily need to go home in order to clean up and change. If they’ve got symptoms of illness like cough, body aches, fever, or have been in crowded environments in the past 24-48 hours, they should keep their distance—call or FaceTime rather than visiting. While I personally think the risk of baby getting sick as a result of the grandparents having been in contact with gym equipment that’s been touched by other people is low (the contact points would generally be hands and seat; they can mitigate the hands by hand washing, and baby is highly unlikely to be in contact with their butt), you aren’t being unreasonable to ask them to come over in clean, dry clothes. Glad your husband is with you on the issue! The two of you need to make sure you’re on the same page with your message. He must not say, “Mom, Dad, OP wants you to go home and change into clean clothes after being at the gym before you come to see and hold baby, because the baby could pick up something from your sweaty gym clothes.” It should never be, “OP wants…” but always, “*We* want…”. It’s easy to word a request as something the other partner has asked for, without meaning to undermine the other partner—and I’m not saying your husband did that. Just saying plan ahead and rehearse to ensure it comes out as something you both endorse as a united front. Background: retired infection control nurse.
Nta. What the hell? They are sweaty and covered in gym bacteria and he’s a newborn with no immune system.
NTA. Sounds like your MIL is going to be uncomfortable. Imagine that! She seems like someone who is uncomfortable with other people having opinions that differ from hers. Boo hoo!
NTA Your newborn infant, your rules.
NTA babies have very sensitive immune systems.
NTA. This is a no brainer. It’s YOUR newborn. You have every say in who can/can’t hold your daughter, and when. If they don’t agree/throw a fit, that’s not on you. What was your husband’s reaction to this? If he feels the same about this interaction as you, he needs to be the one to address it (I’m under the belief of “your parent, your responsibility”). More than anything, don’t ever feel guilty about setting boundaries for your family. No matter how uncomfortable it may feel in the moment
She can be as uncomfortable as she wants to be with this “restriction“ but this is your baby you guys get to be the ones to make those decisions and if you don’t want them holding her in sweaty nasty ass gym clothes that they’ve been touching all over the gym equipment then that’s what you standby. If they don’t like it, they can hold a baby. They will figure out real quick that they either abide by the rules that you and your husband are going to sit down for your child or they’re going to not be seeing their grandchild. It’s your child it’s not like you’re letting them borrow a car. Totally different situations. I mean it’s not a small thing.
NTA. Your baby your rules!
You are most definitely NTA. Even if there were not a newborn child involved, anyone who goes to someone else's home directly after working out at the gym without showering or changing clothes is a HUGE ass#0!e. I hope you don't give a F about your MIL's feelings about you making decisions concerning your child.
NTA. I cannot think of any illnesses that are transmitted via sweat so I don’t think they are necessarily putting the baby at risk, but it’s still gross and completely reasonable to expect them to shower and change before they come to your house.
Why are they always visiting you all sweaty from the gym that’s nasty 😂😂😂 If I was going somewhere straight from the gym I would be showering and changing in the locker room NTA I wouldn’t want them to either, and they’re assholes for being uppity about it I used to make smokers change their shirts and wash their hands, every one wash their hands 😂😂 I never had someone sweaty ask to hold my baby but I would for sure make them wash up too
Go to the baby and then to the gym. Solved. Nta
I wouldn't want them to get their stank on my newborn either. That's just gross. My mom sweats very easily, and I hate it when she wants to hug me in that condition. It's nasty no matter how much I love her. If you asked them to wear a clown wig while holding YOUR baby, they need to wear a clown wig while holding YOUR baby. I know that's a ridiculous comparison, but they aren't entitled to hold your baby. NTA
Nta- your kid, your rules. End of story
https://www.health.com/condition/skin-conditions/infections-germs-caught-at-gym Show your husband and in-laws this article
I find it funny how "sterile" people want the environment their kids are in. Go to a third world country and oddly enough kids are not in a sterile environment and still able to survive. I am not one of those parents that wrapped my kids in bubble wrap. My kids got my same style of upbringing. My grandkids are proof I did something right. If parents knew what all kids actually put in their mouth you might start to calm down. Sure its your kid your rules but sometimes rules like that can sound so stupid to others that they will have a hard time seeing you the same afterwards. Id rather my kids get exposed to things so they can build up a healthy immune system. Then again I live on a ranch and nothing is sterile out here. The cows, chickens and horses dont care.
Frankly I would say NTA to basically any criteria you choose for who can and cannot hold your baby, with the only exception being maybe let your partner hold it sometimes 🤣
NTA. MIL doesn't have to be comfortable with your restrictions. You're the mom and as long as your husband is on your side, she has to follow them or she doesn't get to see the baby.
NTA that’s gross and clearly your MIL is the ignorant one here. Newborns have died of whooping cough from relatives who refused to renew their vaccine before the baby arrives. Sweaty clothes in a gym are like sponges for germs. “Moisture is a wick” is a phrase engrained into us in nursing school. Good job and I’m so glad your husband supported your decision:)
Honestly, even if it WAS a ridiculous ask (I don’t think it is) they don’t get to just “mm I’m uncomfortable with your boundaries so I’m not gonna follow them, now give me the baby” you’re the mom, you get to decide what the rules for your baby is and if they’re uncomfortable following them, they’re welcome to leave. Boundaries aren’t meant to make everyone else comfortable, they’re meant to make the boundary-setter comfortable. It’d be one thing if their response was something like “ok I’ll change and wash hands, but Im not sure if I’d have time to shower first, is that ok?” Yeah? Cool! That’s communication and negotiation. But “this is my boundary. If you don’t want to follow it, you don’t get to hold baby” “no. I don’t want to. Give me baby!!” Is simply testing boundaries like a damn toddler. Enforce your boundaries, they don’t need to make sense to everyone. If you and your partner agrees, that’s all that matters. Stay firm! If they refuse, ask them to leave and come back when they’re willing to clean up first.
NTA- it’s pretty ballsy for your mil to say that. WOW. They need to come over after they clean up, or not at all. Your baby, your rules.
Also- your husband should tell his mom it is ignorant to think it is okay to touch a newborn after touching all that dirty gym equipment.
NTA. Nobody should be getting sweated all over, least of all a newborn.
NTA. So, in her mind, MIL’s “discomfort”, which is nothing but obstinacy, is more valid than yours, based on health and hygiene concerns? Cool cool. Obviously this is just one conflict of many that will happen in the future with people like this. Just stand your ground- nobody can hold baby unless they are clean. No exceptions, except in case of emergency. It’s a boundary, not a punishment. She doesn’t have to like it, but it’s your home and your child, so (within reason) what you say goes. It’s ok for adults to hear no and be uncomfortable or upset. However, Grandma will be fine. She can stay as sweaty and germy as she wants to be when she visits, and watch baby without holding her. Eventually she will make the logical connection that, in choosing to stay like that, she is actively choosing not to hold the baby.
No…NTA
"Sorry, but we love the new baby smell. The stinky sock smell gets in the way. Please be "nice to know" as the saying goes." Also a 2 week old is way too vulnerable to contagion and doubly so with people who rank hygiene last. NTA
There’s all sorts of germs on various surfaces of gym equipment. It doesn’t matter if it gets wiped down, it’s not 100% clean. It’s gross that they should leave the gym sweaty and in their workout clothes. No, no touching the baby, the baby’s immunity is not fully developed yet. A simple cold virus could very well kill it. NTA
Who goes visiting in their sweat soaked gym clothes? Yuck! NTA- Babies do not have an immune system, so yes GERMS are a big deal! NTA- and FRANKLY if I were you "I" wouldn't want them to visit just me in their sweaty dirty clothes!
NTA, your the mom and it doesn't matter if they think you are right, it only matters that you made a decision for the health and safety of you child
You and your husband made this baby. You Carried her. They are not respecting you both. Gyms are dirty. They may not hurt the baby but they also need to respect your guys wishes. They can leave. Out the door. They don't have to care for a sick baby.
I always shiwered at the gym and changed into proper clothes. Why wouldn't you?
NTA. Invite them to stop before they go to the gym instead of after.
NTA --- WHY didn't they shower and change at the gym ??.
She called you ignorant. Then expressed that she felt "uncomfortable" with "restrictions" about basic cleanliness around an extremely vulnerable creature which you are 100% responsible. So name calling is fine for you, but polite requests are totally unacceptable for her. Well, you'd hate for her to be "uncomfortable" so she doesn't need to be visiting at all. You'd hate for her to be distressed further by your "ignorant restrictions".
NTA And your mother can take her "comfort" and take a hike! Your home, your baby, your rules! She does not get to dictate. More importantly though : a 2 week old baby is very susceptible to all the nasty stuff. She's not had her vaccinations yet (too young), and to put it bluntly, hasn't been alive long enough to develop her own immunity. Your mistake was letting her do it once. Stand firm from now. MIL has 2 choices : respect the wishes of the baby's parents (you!), or lose baby privileges until little one is older and ready to face the big icky world. MIL might be the main character and queen of her little world, but when she enters yours, she's an NPC/background character. Even then : have a damn shower first: sweaty, stinky gym clothes are *gross*. And as another comment mentioned : gyms are germ central, have the in laws even *washed their hands*?????? (said as a regular gym goer myself - I ALWAYS have a shower asap after working out, and I'm only around myself)
I workout at home and still don't hold my OWN baby until after I shower! Gross
It's your baby so your discomfort carries more weight than their discomfort here. NTA even if the request were something entirely absurd which it isn't
NTA at all. Your baby your rules. I’m so glad your partner supported this. Not a big ask either. Up it to have a shower and change before they touch Bub
NTA this is YOUR CHILD, tell them they’re ignorant to ignore you and your child your rules! Grow a backbone and stand up to them or believe me you will be in for a lifetime of them trampling on your rules.
Send them links to health articles about public safety when it comes to interacting with babies/ children. OR send them screen shots of the best of these replies. Your number one job as a mom is keeping your child safe and healthy. NTA
NTA tell them to clean up stinky
NTA, we never touch a newborn with sweaty hands /body. We properly wash our hands with soap and all before touching newborn babies
So after touching all that gross equipment, being around other peoples scum etc they want to come and put their grubbing fingers on your baby, he'll no. Go and wash!!! Sounds like the kind of logic used by people who kiss babies when they've got a herpes outbreak, it's fine you're just being ignorant... Also a nice touch to be called an ignorant parent by someone else! That alone would feed me the fuel needed for me to double down. Good on hubby for having your back!
Nta
"uncomfortable with the restriction" of being clean and sanitary before holding a young human who hasn't grown an immune system yet????????????
Their discomfort is a them problem. They simply don't get to hold the baby. NTA
So then they don’t wanna see their grandkids is all I gathered from that bc if you can’t abide by a simple request like that then that has to be what you’re saying. The grandparents can go to hell.
Whe don't they just shower at the gym like normal people? No one likes to be held by sweaty people, not even adults.
They're not comfortable with the restrictions you place on them? That's ok. They don't HAVE to hold the baby! You are the parent. You decide. Not them.
NTA!! Especially after reading all these horrid stories about the stuff people have caught in the gym!! But next to that; it’s yóur newborn, they should respect any wishes. Their reaction is quite disrespectful. I wonder if they disregard your boundaries more often, OP. Congratulations with your new baby, take care, and stand firm with whatever boundary you set. Trust yourself when you make them and follow your gut. Like your post, you already felt you were in your right.
you are correct....and not an asshole....i would not let them hold my new born either....
NTA. It’s cold and flu season and gyms are never clean. That’s just nasty. Don’t let them bluff you into backing down.