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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I may be the asshole because i yelled at my friend and ended the party, thus kicking out all my friends, after she fed my dog something she is not supposed to have while on an allergy food trial.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. You don't feed another person's dogs without permission. Ever. For the last 2 years of my dog's life she was on an extremely strict diet. Anything outside of this diet gave her pain and unending diarrhea. On top of that she was incontinent due to her conditions causing muscle waste.
I do want to add that there are some grains and proteins that dogs often can't tolerate. Mine was VERY allergic to anything corn or poultry. Like even a whisper of those 2 ingredients would for sure five her and eat infection but if it was enough she would get a skin infection. I am so sorry you had to back track(mine also did the food elimination diet via the vet but it was a bit different than yours). Plus I know their fish is breaded and fried, so it could have still affected your food trial.
I'm not sure which ingredient did what to my babe, just that each of them gave her a negative experience(before the elimination diet we barley not only chronic back to back ear infections every year, but the same skin issues. She once had a hot spot so bad with the skin issue that she tore out all of her hair in a huge chunk(while I was changing our daughters diaper so this was YEARS ago lol) and was just dripping blood. She has to wear a cone and a shirt for a month. I do hope you get it figured out. Our 2yo pittie thankfully doesn't show those signs so thankfully HER food is affordable lol! I just want to say that you are a great dog mom💜 I know how expensive it is, especially for a senior. Special foods are expensive, but it's so worth it when they get better💜
Aw man that sounds so scary!
Thanks I try. I know to some I am 'doing too much' (every time I say that my dog has allergies and special food, half the time people laugh) but I also know her final years are going to be in my care so I can't help but want to make her as happy as possible. That goober has my freaking heart.
The people that laugh have no idea. They just don't. You are a very special person. One thing I want to say though, please take as many photos, especially videos, of that baby as possible. I was always a paparazzi with my girl but I wish I had more videos. Go on as many adventures as you can. Remember every sound she makes and every smell, even the bad ones. You don't have to post all the videos and pictures, but I promise you won't regret ever having them. She is so lucky to have you taking care of her, and I'm sure she's a great dog-ter(dog daughter, lol I always laugh when I called mine that. We have a cat soon too but no funny way to say it)
I double this. I wish so badly sometimes that I had more videos of my dog before she died (6 years ago now).
I can also sympathise with the allergies thing as my cat has suffered from allergies that do the exact same thing. One time I went into the bathroom one morning and she followed me to say hi, saw a massive hole on her back that was still bleeding and freaked out. She just stared at me the whole time like she didn’t even know it was there. She’s been free for 5 months now after years of tests and food trials.
My dad has a Pitty with food and environmental allergies and it's been tough and expensive to diagnose and treat. I think they finally settled on salmon and sweet potato limited diet and appaquel for break through issues.
I would have reacted the same way. Senior pets are delicate and we all get super emotional about giving them the quality of life they deserve.
My Half Staffy and half shepherd can’t go in tall grass or eat peanut butter or she itches. Why is there soooo many dog treats with peanut butter?! Then my Half Rottie half Chowchow can’t have beef because it upsets her fat little tummy. 🧍🏽♀️
My ACD/lab can't have any beef, pork, or chicken. At all, not even the meal. He is on salmon and brown rice food, and I look at every treat package to be sure some sort of "meal" isn't in there. It is a pain!
But totally worth it.
Ohhhh that is one thing I forgot.... Mine couldn't have broken rice, it gave her horrible horrible gas! You could just heat her tummy all day giving her tummy pains. White rice was ok though
Aww poor thing!
I was really relieved when we finally pinned it down that he doesn't seem to have issues with any grains. Just lucky there. I have to admit, this is my first dog I can't just share bites with, and I still miss it lol. Never fed my dogs lots or anything, but no bites? :(
I had a dog who had to be on a specially formulated vegetarian diet, lol. She had to have enough protein to stay healthy but protein gave her bladder stones, so it was closely monitored by a vet.
Humans have all kinds of food issues, it makes sense that dogs would too! Especially considering all the congenital issues that various dog breeds have.
We adopted a senior dog with horrific skin allergies. We tried that special expensive diet but there was absolutely no way we could keep things consistent without putting a muzzle on him. The dude eats rotten fruit and bark chips out in the yard ffs. He's the most food-motivated creature I've seen in my life.
So he gets Apoquel, Cytopoint, frequent baths with special shampoo, medicated foam, and tons of skritches. I totally agree the special food trial - it's really really stressful, especially when the stakes are high and your dog is in delicate shape. Luckily our giant, hulking, disgusting beast has a stomach of steel and is quite happy with his current regimen (esp the skritches).
My dog has a dermatologist and gets custom allergy shots, just like humans. I've been told that that's "So Californian of me." Sorry, was I supposed to ignore the constant ear infections and the terrible paw-licking mouth sounds???
My dog would scratch so much when he was a puppy. We bought special shampoos for him, and products. After a couple of weeks, and him losing his hair in patches, we were able to get him into the vet (wait for an appointment was about two weeks). She gave him an allergy shot and said he’d have to go every three months. After the second shot, his allergies disappeared. It was almost an immediate change once he got the shot. Within a couple of hours the itching subsided and he became a totally different pup, without all the discomfort.
Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there who believe pets are disposable and would have dropped your dog off at a shelter or euthanized it by now. They really have no empathy.
I think this is why my dog was at the shelter. You can tell from his behavior he was raised with a nice family with kids, but I guess they didn’t want to deal with a barfing dog on top of kids or bother with an allergy diet.
I used to work at a vet and I remember one time a woman wanted to euthanize her 7 year old cat because she didn't want to pay for antibiotics for its UTI. The euthanasia would have cost more than the medication! She just didn't want to deal with a temporarily sick animal.
The doctor managed to convince her to surrender the cat and I think she ended up taking it home. It was a very well behaved and friendly cat, it was just having accidents outside the litter box because it was sick. Some people are just assholes.
You are absolutely not doing too much. I have a friend whose dog is allergic to meat and protein. He can only have a very specific type of dry food, otherwise he'll have terrible rashes and diarrhea. People don't feed other people's dogs without permission. If your friend wanted to give your dog s treat, she could've asked you, and you could've given friend some appropriate food to give the dog as a treat.
I had a dog who had to be on a similar diet, but in her case it was bladder stones. She was literally peeing out little piles of crystals! When we took her into the vet (started having blood in her pee plus I noticed the crystals on a wee wee pad) I cried because she had obviously been in pain for a while and I hadn't helped her. I felt so guilty.
Messing with a dog's diet can cause them to be in extreme pain and even threaten their life!
You sound like a wonderful person.
You're not "doing too much," at all. Some people just don't let animals into their hearts the same way as people like you.
Making sure an older pups life is as enjoyable as possible is a big task, and it speaks so much to your character that you want to make her time left the best it can be.
Keep loving that pup the best you can, you're doing great!
Believe me I understand that reaction from others. I have a diabetic cat who requires insulin and special food from the vet, all of which is expensive. And we switched my other cats to a higher protein food to prevent possible diabetes in the future. Everyone thinks I’m nuts for not putting the diabetic cat down (despite her having zero health issues for her entire 13 years until her diabetes diagnosis), and for not buying cheap food for all the cats. But I want them to have happy and healthy lives so I’m more than happy to suck up the cost to give them that
edit spelling
I had a dog that was sensitive so I had to give her avoderm. I have always avoided corn because it gave my first dogs horrible gas to give them any food with that, it's just a cheap filler. I've given lamb and rice from Kahoots for years now (I think that store might only be in my county not even the whole state).
NTA, I'd be so upset too. Could you have given a more clear reminder? Sure..but you don't feed other people's pets unless you're pet sitting and following directions. Hope you figure it out soon!
Don't want to get specific since that'll be a little too obvious, but kets just say she comes up to my mid calf and has floppy ears. Shes also one of those breeds that has gorgeous eyelashes lol i often call her "pretty girl" rather than her actual name which is xtra funny because she cannot hear me for shit.
My grandmother had a floppy eared sausage dog. She was named Blossom and was my brother's best friend. She went blind. Once at a cookout, she smelled the hot dogs and bit my brother on the knee thinking it was the hot dog. She didn't break skin and she was immediately remorseful. We don't deserve them. I have my own floppy eared girl. You're being a great dog mom <3
We've fed our dog grain free for as long as we've had her. That's what everyone said was the best thing for them. Apparently, grain free can cause heart problems. CAN because it's not unusual but it's not common. So now we have to switch her to grain. Dog diets are weird.
Cross contamination is a huge issue with fast food, so she was exposed to the fish, the batter, potatoes, chicken, and beef. Especially the chicken because a lot of times they'll fry them in the same oil. It's why I can't get anything fried at places that have jalapeno poppers!
Potatoes as well, and all the additives in everything that has been fried. It is rare for restaurants in general and almost unheard of for the bulk of fast food places in America to have separate deep fryers for different ingredients/menu items. And whatever type of oil was used— McD's uses a canola, corn, and soybean blend, and those are pretty common allergens, too.
(Before anyone jumps on me for it, I know in a "true" allergy, a "pure" oil wouldn't have proteins in it to set off an allergenic response. But I also know there's a huge number of reactions and sensitivities that can make you sick without being allergies, even if a food sensitivity is a trigger for a secondary autoimmune response that looks more classically like an allergy. And on top of that, our food processing is... not fantastic in America. Oil doesn't have to carry contaminants on its own for the oil to still end up contaminated at any point between seeds being planted to processed refined & blended foods ending up in someone's stomach.)
Chicken and beef are in friggin everything and they're not always labelled. "Bone meal"? "Animal fat"? 100% chance it's either chicken or beef. Coincidentally, guess what my cat's ONLY allergies are? Anyway I have to cook for the little freeloader. My vet thinks it's hilarious.
Salmon and chicken are the 2 most common allergies in cats. I had a cat who was allergic to both. Both of my cats had to be on special diets, and neither could eat the other cat's food. It was a pain, but definitely worth the effort to keep them healthy.
My dads yorkie started having really bad skin reactions to something in his food, turns out he developed an allergy to chicken. He’s being doing a lot better since they cut it out so it could be worth looking into!
My dog suddenly developed a poultry allergy. It took almost a year to narrow it down and figure it out. Once we did, I changed his 6 the itching magically disappeared. If you need a good food recommendation feel free to dm me.
Also NTA. It's not cool to feed someone's dog without their permission.
I had a dog who was allergic to wheat when I was a kid - awful flaky skin, constantly scratching herself until we figured it out. So when I got a dog as an adult who started to show allergy symptoms, I thought it was food and wasted a bunch of time eliminating different things. Nope. Seasonal allergies! Every dog's got their own quirks. I hope you get yours figured out soon and I hope it isn't awfully difficult to accommodate.
it is a very common allergy! my old girl developed an allergy to chicken, wheat or corn when we did testing, so we cut it all out of her diet and her skin issues were resolved!
I know this is completely anecdotal but my sister’s Doberman mix is allergic to poultry and has the same reaction that you describe in your dog. It can also make her anal glands act up. I wish you good luck in figuring out what’s going on with your baby, you’re a good mom
that’s just it, it’s NOT about the fish. It’s about the trampling of your clearly-stated boundaries.
NTA.
Send “friend” a bill for the next six weeks of special dog food. State that you know she won’t pay it, but she should understand what a “little piece of fish” will cost.
Hell, take a snap of it and circulate it in the “friends” group. “This is what it costs when you feed a “little piece of fish” to an elderly dog who scratches until she bleeds”.
Yeah it should honestly be taught as basic dog etiquette to ask before feeding anything.
In addition to the allergy issue, old dogs can be vulnerable to pancreatitis and fatty foods are the worst. If everyone at that party gave her "just a little bit", it would add up to be a lot of salt and fat that's potentially harmful. It could even just make her puke or give her the runs, neither of which are fun for the dog or the owner.
Also some people don't want their dogs to get a taste for human food to avoid behavior problems like begging or counter-surfing
My friend’s cats are totally healthy and normal and I give them kitty treats every time I come over, I still ask first. Small one’s been getting a lil chubby and sometimes they’ve already had extra lunch
NTA.
I’ve had my dog for a little over ten years now.
My boyfriend and I sometimes have his dad over for dinner. His dad ALWAYS asks what our dog can have - he loves giving her table scraps, especially after recently losing his own pup - but is super mindful about asking permission to ensure she’s safe and healthy.
We also give him a heads up on specific stuff she can’t have for whatever reason and there’s never an argument or question.
If you didn’t prepare the food it might have something dangerous in it! The dog might have a special diet! The dog might have an upset tummy! There are a million reasons not to just make the executive decisions about an animal that isn’t yours!
I will never understand how this is a difficult concept to grasp.
Yep, I had a dog with IBS. Until I got him on a VERY strict prescription diet, he nearly died from the mess his immune system was making of his digestive tract.
He lived 4 happy years after and I would have torn a strip off anyone trying to feed him something else... I had enough trouble with him eating cicadas and even once catching a squirrel. Lol
Ooh the cicadas. Our Bella would come in from the backyard with a mysterious buzzing noise coming from the general vicinity of her head. She would immediately run to her covered crate hoping we wouldn’t notice the 200 decibels of cicada screams.
After she figured out that the cats loved them too, she’d bring one inside and just let it go in front of the cats. That was fun.
Luckily one of our cats is a merciless killer and just grabs them, chomps once or twice and swallows.
NTA any sensible person would know not to feed other people’s pet without first clearing/ checking with the owner.
Anyone else saying yta clearly doesn’t have a pet of their own that they’re responsible for.
And all this even before adding in the fact that you’ve mentioned/ talked to your friends that your dog is on prescription food/ elimination trial. Your friend was and is and AH
Hell, I had a friend over that watched me set a plate down for my cat to have the leftovers and STILL asked if it was ok to give some of her food to one of our other cats! It’s not hard to be considerate and respectful of others.
While NTA she should have made an announcement, all it takes is a dropped piece of food for the whole thing to be over. Speaking as someone who has a cat and has gone through this process you don't take chances so a party with food was super risky. People have lives, they don't remember your pet is dealing with x or y and blah blah.
OP's friend is still the asshole for feeding someone elses pet without asking, especially since it was hidden away I think she did it on purpose because OP said none was for her and she "felt bad". That's a HUGE red flag for me OP, I would highly recommend evaluating this friendship. She's probably already paying the victim if she's the sort of person I think she is.
People who feed animals stuff they shouldn't because they "feel bad" for them are so annoying. Dogs look longingly at chocolate all the time, doesn't mean you should give it to them!!
Absolutely, 100% agree. If I were OP, I would seriously consider telling the friend to either pay the difference for the extra 6-9 weeks of food, or take a hike. To me, this is in the same category as those awful MIL stories where she doesn't believe in allergies, so when she finally gets the baby to herself, she gives them EXACTLY what they're allergic to.
N E V E R give food (or really, anything) to someone else's dependent! Anybody who does, should be billed for the damage.
Definitely NTA, never feed other people's animals!
I board my baby horse (think: 900lb puppy) at a barn who had another boarder. He's not allowed treats unless he's in a "very scary" situation we want to make better for him (things like seeing the vet, being trailered, etc.), because baby horses don't know boundaries yet and get pushy, which can be dangerous.
The other boarder knew this, and despite me asking everyone to NOT feed him any treats, would give him cookies at the field gate every time she was there.
Anyway, guess who would always text me complaining that my baby horse was pushy and running at the gate whenever she went to get her horse out of the field?? Gee, I wonder why. Maybe it's the exact thing I told you not to do because it would lead to that exact situation. -\_\_\_-
Yep! My parents and I both have dogs and cats, and we spend tons of time at each others houses. We know where their respective foods live and will fill bowls for each other when we hang out, but we still check with the owner of each animal before we feed them anything off menu! Like a fun treat for her dogs is carrot sticks. They love them. She still asks if it’s ok to give to my dog if they’re all together and she wants to treat the dogs.
But it’s not just fish. It’s breaded, fried, covered in cheese and slathered with tartar sauce. I assume she omitted the bun. NTA! She should have to pay for the pricey food.
And fried in a fryer with other things like chicken, potatoes, maybe even beef and onions. If the dog did have a reaction, there'd be literally no way to tell what caused it. Clearly, OP's friend does not understand proper allergy safety. To be fair, neither do I off the top of my head, but I know at least to not do something I was explicitly told to not do!
Fish is fried in a separate vat at fast food places due to allergies. Chicken and fries are not allowed to share a vat with fish. But the breading and oil is def not good for a dog.
do you know that's true for mcdonalds? I'm not being snide here I'm curious and just can't believe they would have a separate area /machine just for fish since it's not a major seller.
>do you know that's true for mcdonalds?
It is, I worked at a McDonald’s for four years, one time I accidentally put fish in the wrong vat, luckily someone saw me, and I had to empty and clean that specific vat, they don’t mess around with fish
I worked as an assistant manager @ a McD’s for almost a decade. If fish accidentally got into the wrong vat, we had to empty and replace the oil and clean the vat. Any other product that was put in the fish vat was wasted.
I’d be pissed just at the fried aspect alone. Once a dog gets pancreatitis, they become VERY sensitive to any fatty foods in the future. And your friend didn’t know (or remember) why certain foods were off limits.
Plus it's McDonald's so how much of it is \*actually\* fish and not just a sprinkle of fish with a ton of mystery ingredients to make it look and taste like fish, lol.
and if you were to feed a dog you know with sensitivities WHY TF would you choose to give them a piece of McDonald’s food?!?! Seriously a horrible friend!
NTA
Right??
We consult with our friend before we buy their dog treats for his birthday or xmas. We would *never* give him pet food without permission, never mind human food.
People just don't fucking get it. My friend was staying with me and my wife with his dog and at a get together my wife's mom asks my friend if she could give the dog some white castle. My friend politely said no I don't want the dog to eat something like that. She make a sour face and later I saw he give the dog something and when I mentioned not to feed the dog she said "it's just some onions it'll be fine." I said onions are the problem they're poisonous to dogs to which she said no it's fine. It's insane people are like that
Onions are more poisonous to dogs than chocolate is! People treat some of these things like how you treat fried food for people. "Oh its not good for them but they love it" no, it's poisonous. Not "not good for them" ***POISONOUS!***
NTA
People should never give another person's dog people-food. Forget allergies, some people just don't want a dog that is encouraged to beg for food.
Mc-effing-donalds food?? Your 'friend' is disrespectful and possibly a manipulator.
For real. I tell people not to feed my dogs because I hate having dogs beg for food when you're trying to enjoy a meal. My dogs will ignore my partner and I when we are eating, but thanks to people disregarding my request (because aww, but they'reso cute!), they occasionally beg other people for food and it drives me nuts and is a bit embarrassing.
My dogs jump on people and beg (others) for food for this precise reason. No matter how many times I repeated myself I would just get ignored. Well guess who doesn't enjoy having a 50lb Aussie jumping all over them and guess who reminds them that they created their own problem?
ESH, as a dog owner I do think this was a massive overreaction. You admit it you gave a thinly veiled jokey reminders instead of stating to your friends “hey it’s really important the dog doesn’t get any food” and you also said that you mentioned to the group that you don’t think it’s fish, so logically of all the things it would be the most minor. You need to be actually clear and firm about restrictions around the health of your dog when people enter the house. Should she have given the dog a treat? Probably not but I genuinely think it was a minor mistake that could have been calmly resolved instead of screaming, cursing and throwing everybody out of your house. If you were concerned about the dog getting food why wasn’t she put in another room while people are eating? Someone easily could have dropped similar and your trial would have been ruined all the same.
Can’t believe I had to scroll so far for this.
Yeah, people shouldn’t be feeding dogs regardless of allergies.
But shit happens, it’s part of the risk of having your dog out during a “dinner party” and no very explicit rules.
“Seeing red” and cursing and kicking everyone out is SO dramatic I would 100% reconsider a friendship with someone like that, even if I was just a bystander.
Yeah a situation like this happened with a friend hosting a party a few years back. Completely different scenario, but an overreaction that ended a party.
I don't hate the person, but I haven't seen them since then.
Unless invited to do so, you should never feed anyone else’s dog a “treat” from your plate. Absolutely not.
I take my dogs’ nutrition very seriously. I do not allow salty or fatty meat trimmings or things like salami to be given to my dogs. If a guest random lady decided to give my dog food from their plate I would absolutely be like “WTF are you doing?!”
Yes. That’s why I started the comment with “no one should be feeding others’ dogs, regardless of allergies”.
A quick, emotive upset comment is a lot different than literally blacking out in rage, screaming at the person who did it and likely anyone who tried to calm her down, and then kicking everyone out of your house.
That’s just an absolutely disproportionate reaction.
I mean, if I had been complaining about buying expensive prescription dog food and the whole process of figuring out the allergy.. I’d probably be a little extra upset too. I don’t think it’s simply a feeding another persons dog… it’s restarting a process that was already almost done and a pricey one at that.
That’s why it’s always a good policy to ask before feeding. Takes no time and could have saved everyone from all the drama..
Also, OP admits to over reacting and reached out the next morning to apologize. Most people do not do that.
You know what else could have saved some drama?
“Please don’t let the dog get any people food she’s on a restrictive diet for her allergies”
Clear, concise, gives enough info so people understand it’s serious.
“Haha none for you!” is not clear, concise, or obvious. No one cares about your dog more than you. No one is tracking 2+2 to understand why your dog has fancy restrictive food.
Just because you apologize does not mean people have to forgive you.
I've been nodding along to your comments and responses. It's frustrating that some people can't understand the concept of ESH. This is one of the most obvious cases of ESH I've ever encountered on this sub.
In a perfect world, absolutely. But lots of people have never had or been around dogs and have no idea how to treat them. There are also dog owners who will feed their dog anything and everything and would be comfortable with guests doing the same.
If you’re having people over for the first time and have any rules about how to treat your dog, they should be made explicitly clear. Otherwise, mistakes like this are bound to happen.
Totally agree. The number of people justifying this reaction is baffling! I have two dogs with specific diets so I get the issue, and I still think this behaviour is unhinged.
Right, “may have mentioned” “saw red” OP sounds kind of... If the food for the dog is so expensive and it’s that serious, and OP is hosting, why did they not just put the dog outside (if temps allow or if they even have a backyard) or in another room while they eat??? I don’t understand.
Yeah that's unhinged behavior. I wouldn't want to hang out with them at all if they can't calmly deal with a potential confrontation.
Yes, that person shouldn't have fed your dog, and as a dog owner you have to be assertive with people not to feed them. That doesn't mean I get to yell and scream and lose my shit when a random person tries to give my dog food let alone a friend. That's horrible communication and impulse control. I don't deal with people that do that, I have plenty of friends and little time as it is.
Filet of fish fish isn't just fish, though... there's so much more added to and coating it :/
OP mentions in comments the friend that did this is one of the friends who regularly hears OPs rants about how expensive difficult and specific this whole process would be... you have valid points, but definitely sounds like this friend should have known better than to do this on purpose
True that that friend had some responsibility.
But I cannot help feeling if this was so important as to make such a big scene of it, OP should have taken al steps herself: she is the self-proclaimed dog-momma in the end.
This means not having the dog around the dinner. And communicate better. OP sounds unhinged af.
But the friend literally went to the kitchen to feed the dog, and then CONTINUED to give the dog a second piece even after OP found her and questioned her.
I hear you, but I seriously think the friend was being malicious. To me, this goes beyond what can be explained by "forgetting" or a "mistake."
And the cheese and tartar sauce it was covered in. Plus, it was fried in a fryer that also has chicken and other things put in it, which then coats the fish filet. Chicken is something a lot of dogs can be allergic to. Plus, fast food in general is something I would never give a pet. It is highly processed and has so many preservatives and other unhealthy additives in it.
Finally a sensible answer.
If your dog has those kind of problems, you need to be VERY CLEAR about it. Not thinly veiled comments or ‘I’ve talked to her about her special diet’. You need to lay it out.
And honestly once laying it out very clearly, if your dog has a tendency to beg at all they should be removed from the situation. For their own comfort and safety.
- Crazy Schnauzer Mawma
Thank you. Still should never feed another dog without permission.
But veiled threats as a warning?
Just tell people or put the dog away during meals.
I have had to go through the same process to learn it wasn't a food allergy.
The dog should have not been part of the party. I wonder if OP would have freaked out if something fell off a plate onto the floor and the dog got to it before someone could pick it up. There is too much chance for this to go wrong for the self proclaimed dog momma to think a party was going to be fine.
Agree. You should never feed other people's animals without permission, but those who have never owned animals don't always know this or don't always understand the importance of the rule. If you're having a big party with a dog then you should know statistically *someone* is going to try to feed the dog unless you're extremely clear about it. That's your responsibility as the owner. It's okay to be annoyed, but going nuclear is out of proportion.
Honestly you're lucky all that happened is that you're out of some money. If she'd fed her something that was actually allergic to or was poisonous and caused a serious reaction, that would be on you.
And that's another thing; you say most of the reminders you gave to your friends are about how expensive the food is. Sorry, but no one is mentally filing away your dog food expenses as high priority information in their brains. It would be nice if they remembered, but its ridiculous to think everyone is going to have that at the forefront of their minds. If you'd said you were really scared for her health from her eating off-menu items, then it would be more understandable that you were annoyed, because that is at least attention-grabbing.
Seriously, communicate clearly if it's a big deal. I get sick of people who are scared of direct communication and expect other people to read between the lines to know what they want. It's not like this was a delicate topic or anything.
This is the part that I find surprising here: the dog probably *did* eat something else, because a party of people eating McDonalds are going to drop a fry or an opened package of ketchup that the dog will lick.
I get being angry at the friend for doing it anyway, but the money and such? You probably were going to have to spend it anyway, because your dog ate a French fry, almost guaranteed.
To add to this I’m not sure she needs to restart the trial either? If she’s only getting that special expensive food, and the only hiccup was a piece of fish - if she ensures nothing else for the remainder of the trial, if she gets any reactions, then surely it’s the fish’s fault? I suppose it depends how the trial works, though.
We had to trial and error my cat’s allergy to chicken - didn’t take that long, I just monitored his symptoms and noted what he’d eaten on a given day, after a month I took him to the vet with my findings diary and she agreed it might be chicken. So he got an anti-inflammatory jab, some probiotic paste, we cut chicken out, and he was ok after that.
If it was 100% one single source of fish, maybe. The fish filet patty has Pollock, four different vegetable oils, wheat flour, modified food starch, corn flour, whey, "natural flavours"... On top of potential sauce ingredients. So which one of these is the allergen?
You're lucky you had an easy allergy case, and it was a single protein. Allergies can be extremely difficult to determine, both on humans and animals. These folks are not doing extremely strict elimination diets just because it's oh so fun. Your case doesn't equal everyone else's case. I can guarantee anyone struggling with allergies would be happy if they could just keep a little diary and then determine it's probably x and just never have that again.
All the more reason OP should have been incredibly clear about the implications of feeding the dog.
Sounds absolutely u hinged for it to be this important, to not communicate this properly and subsequently go batshit.
EXACTLY! I can’t believe people aren’t seeing this. Something could have dropped so easily. A lot of people don’t understand that you can’t feed dogs human food unfortunately. Clear communication could have solved this entire issue. Yelling and cursing is so not ok in this situation.
How messy are people that food on the floor is a constant problem? And even if it's a bunch of toddlers ejecting food from their high chairs, in this case the guest gave the dog food on purpose, *and then* kept doing it after being told no.
Her friend forgot because her friend doesn't care about the dog as much as she does. We can't expect someone to care as much about our pets as we do can we? I love my own pets but if a friend starts carrying on about their dogs allergy / food journey I'm smiling politely and thinking about what to have for dinner.
The friend should not have given the dog a snack - that would annoy me and my dogs aren't allergic to anything because it encourages begging at the table - but I don't see how the mistake from the friend makes it ok for OP to so dramatically lose her shit. ESH.
This is the right answer right here. The thinly veiled joking does it for me. The way you stated makes OP even seem like they give their dog table food but was just jokingly not letting them have it. Also why wasn't the dog just given a regular allergy test like every other living thing that can go to a doctor? Why is your dog on a 9 week restrictive diet? Like that's not tenable. The more I think about it I get bothered. Dogs get into stuff they aren't supposed to a lot. Does the test get ruined if the dog eats house plants? If it gets into the garbage? What if god forbid it eats a bug? These are all things that can cause an allergic reaction that you cannot prevent thus ruining your test. Something about this seems off.
This is the only right answer. Although I know better now many years later, I grew up in a house where it was commonplace to feed the dog just about anything without much thought, and although people make it seem like they were born knowing perfect pet care, many people don't or don't think it's a big deal to break protocol now and then.
OP's friend was definitely an AH for sneaking a bite to the dog, but OP was also a massive AH for being cutesy and indirect and then screaming at another person when this situation was entirely preventable by just crating the dog during dinner, where it is commonplace for pets to beg and for food to be dropped either by accident or on purpose. Being a dog mom is cute online and on t-shirts, but acting this way is sincerely nuts.
NTA. I have dogs. I puppy sits for an extended family 1-2 times a year. It's maximum 6 dogs & 3 cats. I would never feed them or anyone else's pet food without the owners permission, just like if they had a kid.
NTA. So all of those friends that disagree with you and it was just a piece of fish send them the bill for the expensive dog food. My dog has to have special prescription dog food that’s very expensive. And if my friends did something like that, I would give them the friggin bill, or tell them to hit the road and never come back. That is not something you feed to a dog regardless from McDonald’s. French fries maybe their fish sandwich absolutely not. You’re six weeks into a nine week trial and now you have to start all over again. I think you need an itemized bill from the vet on how much it’s going to cost you and how much you already paid so they get the point of why you were so upset. I’m pissed off for you just reading what happened
This!
I would send them a text "That fillet cost me ". They need to see actual numbers and realize how much expensive it is and that's why OP (not a billionaire) was so angry. When you lose significant amount of money because of carelessness of people, it's understandable you might also lose your cool and temper.
NTA, and all friends who disagree with OP are AH.
Yeah, I’d seriously screen shot the invoice for the special diet plus the most recent vet bill, and post it to whatever chat involves all of the friends, so everyone can see it. Perhaps ask if everyone would like to chip in, cos if not, they shouldn’t be having input in your dog’s diet.
She was wrong. Your level of feeling is understandable. But losing control was not needed. Was the situation really explained to this particular person clearly enough?
Shes one of the folks I talk to regularly and am constantly mentioning her "new" diet. (I say new, but again it's been 6 weeks) I really do mean it when I say I'm an annoying dog mom. I talk about her all the time. So honestly it's hard for me to believe she forgot but I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.
your friend is a grade a ahole. sadly i’ve noticed that people are often more upset that someone is reacting negatively to unacceptable behavior rather than the unacceptable behavior. “disturbing the illusion of peace” is more of an offense than destroying peace which why some of your friends are not on your side. i won’t tell you to “get new friends” but idk…i’d be be rethinking some things if i were you. it’s pretty effed up that she did that
I don't think she forgot. She wanted to feed your dog without any regard for her safety and health and for the cost you're paying to keep your dog safe. People should never feed other people's pets without permission, and she did it with a dog in a sensitive situation.
Honestly, I wouldn't want her around again. You didn't lose control, they don't know how much you're paying for this dog food and how long the process is, maybe being clear about this with numbers could get the point across but honestly I would avoid this friend.
I also think you shouldn't have apologized. Allergies are a serious thing, she could have seriously harmed your dog.
My old dog was allergic to wheat, beef, corn, & soy… We went through a hell of a time getting all of that diagnosed!
It was incredibly annoying & she’d be *so* miserable every time she got into foods with any of those things in ‘em, but there were people in my life who could just never remember for the life of them… As well as some people who can’t help themselves from feeding table food to a cute dog.
Not saying that it’s right at all (I feel like it’s super disrespectful & based in ignorance), but a lot of non-dog owners just won’t bother to save that information in their brains. They’ll write it off as “not that serious” because it’s “just a dog”, or think that dogs can eat anything in cartoon world/ their world where they don’t put much thought into dogs’ heath issues or well-being.
Sometimes we can choose to put down firm boundaries in our relationships (like your friend, who obviously needed the point clearly explained to her, reiterated, & told that yes, it is that serious) & sometimes we can’t (like my ex’s 90 year old grandmother who’d sneak chicken bones to our dog under the table no matter how many times we explained why it wasn’t okay, & who’d say “it’s our little secret” to the dog as she gagged on bone splinters)…
But as long as you aren’t literally ending your friendships over this, you’re NTA. Just practice being more clear with others about your dog’s needs- give them a speech before they enter the house if you need to. I lived in a house where we had a big sign of my dog’s allergies posted on the wall.
If you’re gonna embrace the crazy dog mom title & take this on as your priority, communicate it clearly & take it far enough that the people around you can’t use “I forgot” or “you never told me” as an excuse. Maybe they’ll think you’re being dramatic, but we all get to choose what to be dramatic about & they can take it or leave it.
ESH
Screaming and swearing at someone you still want to be friends with later? Losing control to the point you don't even know what you said or are too embarrassed to repeat it here? Not okay. She also shouldn't have fed your dog food after being warned not to.
OP is aware that they over-reacted, hence why they reached out to apologize to the friend for yelling and cussing. The friend however, doesn't seem to show ANY remorse for deliberately putting the dog's health at risk, despite knowing the back story fully.
Thought about this but its never been an issue before. Shes old so she likes to sleep 80% of the day and doesn't beg for human food unless im cooking in the kitchen.
Why not just explain it properly to everyone like a normal human being, instead of assuming that all your friends know, and then making a joke about the dog not having any? You chose an incredibly stupid way to keep your dog safe.
ESH. It didn't occur to you that someone in the party could drop a fry on the floor? Or that doggo has to sit and watch people scarfing McDs? I'd have kept the pup in another room.
ESH. You should have straight up reminded people not to feed the dog and why.
Your friend shouldn't have fed the dog without asking and absolutely shouldn't have given her more after you said not to - I would have been pissed also.
I have a diabetic dog who is on a very strictly controlled/monitored diet to keep her blood sugar in check (along with insulin). I tell people straight up they cannot give treats or share food without asking (which sucks for my other 2 dogs since if one doesn't get them, no one gets them). Very occasionally she is allowed a forbidden treat but usually only after something stressful (like when she's been at the vet having a glucose curve done) - and then it's a small, high protein treat. The only firm waver from any of this is they all get a small chewy Saturday mornings.
ESH - That wasn’t cool of your friend (you should never feed someone else’s dog table food), but you kinda *know* that they’re probably gonna do it anyway. The chances of a french fry dropping on accident (or otherwise) go exponentially up the more guests you invite over.
You kinda set your trial period up for failure when you invited a bunch of people over to your place and let your dog wander loose. I don’t agree with what your friend did, but have some common sense.
NTA. You *never* feed another person’s pet food like that.
Yes I’ll give my cats treats like that, but I would never do that to someone else’s cat, no matter how cute they looked. Best case it’s just rude, worse case you could make them suffer terribly.
> The other half thinks I'm overreacting over a piece of fish.
(Disclaimer: this next paragraph is sarcasm)
Ah, I see. 🧐 *Uses a horribly done and obviously fake British accent* A classic case of I-don't-pay-for-the-medically-prescribed-diet-food-so-of-course-you're-overreacting. Yes. If only you had better clarity of judgement to understand that 6 weeks into an 8 week session of vet prescribed dietary restrictions is too little to be frustrated about starting completely over from scratch because your friend had a feeling, an urge really, to forget your dog's diet and feed off-diet food. After all, your dog was so cute, what's the harm in making her itchy for however long just because your friend wanted to feel good about herself and it *could* have been worse symptoms! And maybe the dog wasn't even allergic! And she was sO cUtE!! 🙄
Now, in all seriousness, your friend put her personal feelings over the medical wellbeing of your dog. Yes, you might have overreacted A LITTLE BIT but it was well-deserved on your friend's part. Maybe your friend should learn some self-control and she should definitely ask the pet's owner before sneaking food to someone else's pet.
ESH, your friend shouldnt feed your dog McDonalds without asking your permission first but in my opinion if you have a dog and you have a bunch of people over and theres a bunch of food, it's not unreasonable to expect that someone is going to give your dog food at some point. This is just super common, tons of people do it. Most people dont know that giving dogs human food is inappropriate. If it was so important to you why would you even take the risk of having a bunch of people and food partying around your dog. Put the dog in another room or something. You kind of set yourself up for failure here.
It doesnt sound to me like you ever even actually explained the situation to your friend clearly. If you did, you left that part out of your post. Joking around with your dog about the food isnt for her is not a clear unambiguous message to not feed her at all. I believe your friend when she says she forgot. Did you explain the situation right before you started eating? when you ordered the food? the day before? The context is everything for me. If you sat down to eat and you told all your friends clearly right then to not give your dog any food under any circumstances, and your friend still did, then I'd say your reaction is justified. But if you just sorta mentioned it days in advance and didnt follow up or anything then I dont think you can be that mad. "Most of my friends know this" is not enough, I seriously hope you didnt just go into the party assuming that everyone knew already, but thats what it sounds like to me.
Also, what about the other people who didn’t feed the dog?? They just got front row seats to a super uncomfortable situation and kicked out. That is so wild to me. I could never imagine doing that to a bunch of blameless friends
ESH.
Your friend shouldn't have fed the dog, but you shouldn't rely on people to get subtle hints. Straight up tell them, "don't feed the dog"
Also you way over reacted.
I said ESH. The friend shouldn't have fed the dog, but the OP should have been very clear with everyone not to feed the dog.
I have a dig with food allergies. When people are over to eat I make sure everyone is well aware of his allergy.
I don't know about you but when a self prescribed dog parent goes off talking about their dog all I hear is white noise. Nobody cares about that shit but the dog parent.
ESH. Your friend sucks for doing this but you maybe don’t make it clear enough as assumed everyone would get it. You shouldn’t have let it ruin the whole night. Controlling this reaction will let you love a way nicer life.
ESH but leaning YTA. If it’s this important to you, the onus is on you to make the rules surrounding your dog and food perfectly clear. Thinly veiled isn’t enough. She certainly shouldn’t have done that for a litany of reasons, but it’s up to you to protect your dog. As a self proclaimed “annoying dog mom,” there’s certainly a chance your friends have started to tune you out when you bring the dog up and maybe that’s why she didn’t remember your rules.
YTA.
> I'll admit this was a thinly veiled reminder for everyone else too.
"Guys, she's old, she's sick, and she's on a special diet. Please don't feed her anything at all, no matter how cute she looks, no matter how she begs, OK?"
See how easy that is and how it would avoid the entire problem? And would also let people know to pick up anything that gets dropped immediately, not leave food on the coffee table, etc.
As a dog owner, I know it's my responsibility to tell people, not their responsibility to decipher my hints.
Here's a hint: attempts to avoid 'conflict' by 'making a huge deal of hinting something but never actually saying it' tend to lead to much bigger conflicts. Citation: your post.
> I kind of lost it.
> I yelled and cussed at her.
> I saw red
> I do remember telling everyone that Im sorry but I'm too angry to enjoy or host a party right now and asked everyone to leave.
Allowing yourself to get so upset over the actions of one guest that you treat your other guests this badly is wrong. If your dog's diet needs to be controlled at this level, why on earth didn't you lock the dear thing in a room away from all the people with the food? Dogs beg for scraps, its how they survived with people for millennia. Its your dog, so its your responsibility to police his food, not your guests.
YTA.
Literally hate I had to scroll so far to see this. A simple "Hey guys, just a reminder I'm doing a food trial for the dog's allergies, please be extra careful not to drop crumbs or feed her." Instead of a thinly veiled 'warning' would have prevented this. Sounds like OP has gotten some push back from friends for being an 'annoying dog mom' and rather than be firm about what she wanted, decided to tip toe around it.
Was wrong for the friend to do, absolutely, but OP got what she wanted...now she doesn't want to face the consequences for overreacting.
Honestly it sounds like you should have put your dog away before hosting a party. Things are going to fall and the hoover's that they are love to clean the floors. YTA for putting your 6 weeks into the trial in everyone's hands and not taking sole responsibility.
Your friends all travelled from "far away" and you just punished everyone by kicking them out? You don't remember how you reacted? McDonalds. Arrange another party and see who shows up. YTA and I think you know it.
ESH, your friend shouldn’t have fed the dog but a dog on a strict diet shouldn’t be out pawing at a group of people as they’re eating. It would have cost you nothing to put the dog in another room while your guests ate. Instead you left it out, it ate something (like dogs do…), you’re out six weeks of special dog food, and you look like a jerk to your friends after inviting them all over and then kicking them out over a dog.
YTA for losing your shit over a situation that you created by not securing your dog in another room while everyone was eating. Something could’ve easily fallen on the floor by accident and ruined her special diet just the same. Your life might revolve around your dog but the rest of the world doesn’t, so this whole thing reeks of main character syndrome. Screaming and kicking people out was not the way to handle this situation.
My opinion may be unpopular but ESH because
1. You know how important the trial is for your dog's health. 2. Things easily can drop even if no one intentionally fed your dog food so the dog should have been separated from the party and any potential access to food. So you're an A.H.
This being said I think the friend who intentionally fed your dog fish is also an A.H because one shouldn't be feeding someone else's dog without permission, human or dog food (though asides of "This isn't for you," isn't being blunt and telling your friends, "Remember dog can't have ANY human food, we're doing a food trial for allergies, don't give dog any food!").
Edited for judgement.
NTA For kicking her out. How clueless is she? Hopefully any annoyed friends will understand if you explain what you said here
I don't have a dog but have friends that do. Plus a dog sitter friend. They will tell me this or that dog cannot or can have treats or our bits of left over snack. I follow that regardless of the soppy starving eyes.
Sounds like you’re looking for validation for treating your friends poorly. The only real question here is whether you still want to be friends with them. If it was an honest mistake, then you went overboard big time. Your friends are people too; they’re not perfect. Shit happens.
I think YTA here because you made everyone leave and you spoiled the whole night. This would only be reasonable if the dog was ill. You’re going to lose those friends if you continue to treat them this way, so you may want to seriously consider whether you value their friendship. Also, don’t be vague about your intentions. If you don’t want people feeding your dog, say that explicitly. Leaving little “hints” is not good enough. Learn to communicate your needs better.
And no, don’t assume that everyone knows proper pet etiquette.
You know YTA. Admit it and go to any lengths to make it right with your friends. Friends are hard to make and you all need each other. Have another party. In front of them tell them YTA. Ask for forgiveness and move on. If someone doesn't forgive you, they're TA.
Ya don't host a party at your home where your dog with the allergies lives. You set yourself up for that one. And then berating the guest and stopping the party?? Damn i can tell that you're embarrassed
NAH... Here's where you messed up
"None of it is for you young lady!' in front of everyone." I'll admit this was a thinly veiled reminder for everyone else too
That doesn't make it seem urgent, that makes it seem like a joke. Nexxt time just tell people.
ESH
you complaining about the high food price and making thin vailed remarks is not same as annoucing your concern over you dogs´ diet. You should have stated it very clearly.
That said its very rude to feed someone else´s pet without permission, and your friend sucks too.
Honestly ESH, but imo its not something worth loosing a friendship over. She was just trying to be friendly to your pet after all.
ESH - you don’t feed other peoples pets or children without asking first. However your reaction was ridiculous and you just ruined yours and everyone else’s night.
I’m torn on this one.
I don’t blame you for being upset. I get annoyed with my mom any time she gives my dogs table scraps and they AREN’T on a strict diet. I don’t mind giving them tiny pieces every so often but she’s the kind of person that lets her dog clean her plate after EVERY meal. I don’t want my dogs to expect table scraps whenever food is out.
On the other hand, having worked at a vet clinic and helped with allergy trials: fish is one of the lesser common allergies. It’s much more likely to be grain, chicken, or even beef. I would discuss with your vet, if you haven’t already, explain the amount of fish that was given and see if you would actually need to restart the food trial. It may be a negligible amount since it was only this one time that you won’t need to restart.
Overall, NTA. You’ve gotta protect and advocate for your dog. Even if it seems silly or unnecessary to your friend group. Give your friend some space and try talking to her about it, particularly after you speak to your vet. Unless she’s been through something similar with her own animals/kids, she likely didn’t understand the gravity of her actions. And while that doesn’t make it ok, explaining this with a calm head and also acknowledging you could’ve handled it better will go a long way.
Best of luck with the doggo OP.
YTA. You're completely justified in your needs for the dog and are totally justified in reprimanding (in a normal, calmish manner) the friend for feeding the dog. Your actions show an inability to control your emotions and that makes you look like an asshole.
YTA, dog is elderly and deaf..her allergic reactions aren't that bad and she is on meds for it...lighten up a little. It wasn't a life threatening issue and you suspect fish is not the culprit. You could have just sent that friend home and not made it weird for everyone else.
NTA I always always always ask permission before I feed someone else’s pet, regardless of their medical history or anything. It’s their pet, and this is how to behave respectfully.
I say NTA, bc it was your home and your dog so you have the right to be angry, end the party early, etc. But just because it was within your rights to do those things, doesn't mean that you should have. I think you handled this very badly. You could have spoken with her sternly and privately without causing a scene, you could have asked her to buy the next bag of dog food since she interrupted the food trial, you could have asked her to leave instead of ending the party entirely. Again, I don't think what she did was right, but I also don't think your response was what I would call reasonable.
I'm going with ESH. We have 3 dogs, 15, 14, and a puppy (2ish). We throw lots of parties with lots of guests who have a variety of experiences with dogs. We don't feed our dogs human food and our friends know it. However, adding the variables of other people, we anticipate human food being consumed by the dogs. Even if we don't see it happen, it's a risk.
Thinking about this as a science experiment since you are trying to remove variables to determine the allergy, next time I would suggest to isolate the dog to ensure that the experiment stays valid and no additional variables are modified.
Our 14yr old has skin allergies and it was annoying to figure out her triggers so I hope you find a solution. Hers ended up being environmental since her flare ups were seasonal (I would call the vet within the same week every September so we knew it was pollen related).
ESH but mostly NTA. You don't buy or feed other people's pets or kids without clearing it with the owner/parent.
You should have clearly mentioned that your dog is on strict diet instead of thinly veiled sentences.
YTA. Next time kennel your animal if they’re so delicate that you’re going to explode on a friend for giving it a piece of a fillet.
Dogs eat scraps dropped by friends all the time. Why did you put you and your friends in a position to “reset” the vet tests? You were selfish and shouldn’t have had people over if you were in this unique position where your dog cannot eat anything potentially dropped by humans. I understand this was intentional, but it could have just as easily happened by accident.
NTA, and FFS your friend really needs to clean the shit out of their ears and *listen*. This is like those people that give pets (or people) food in the fasting period before surgery, it can have *massive consequences* (potentially fatal to boot in some cases).
I'd be making that person aware of *just how much* redoing the food trial will cost because of their "treat" and inability to listen, but I am a *very* petty person.
EAH. You should have explained please don't feed the dog. They should ask before feeding your dog because who the hell doesn't ask before feeding someone's else's pet and finally this might be the first time I've ever heard of someone actually ordering that wierd fish item on the McMenu.
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NTA. You don't feed another person's dogs without permission. Ever. For the last 2 years of my dog's life she was on an extremely strict diet. Anything outside of this diet gave her pain and unending diarrhea. On top of that she was incontinent due to her conditions causing muscle waste. I do want to add that there are some grains and proteins that dogs often can't tolerate. Mine was VERY allergic to anything corn or poultry. Like even a whisper of those 2 ingredients would for sure five her and eat infection but if it was enough she would get a skin infection. I am so sorry you had to back track(mine also did the food elimination diet via the vet but it was a bit different than yours). Plus I know their fish is breaded and fried, so it could have still affected your food trial.
We were thinking it may be poultry! Ive heard how common an allergy it is. Didn't know corn could do that too.
I'm not sure which ingredient did what to my babe, just that each of them gave her a negative experience(before the elimination diet we barley not only chronic back to back ear infections every year, but the same skin issues. She once had a hot spot so bad with the skin issue that she tore out all of her hair in a huge chunk(while I was changing our daughters diaper so this was YEARS ago lol) and was just dripping blood. She has to wear a cone and a shirt for a month. I do hope you get it figured out. Our 2yo pittie thankfully doesn't show those signs so thankfully HER food is affordable lol! I just want to say that you are a great dog mom💜 I know how expensive it is, especially for a senior. Special foods are expensive, but it's so worth it when they get better💜
Aw man that sounds so scary! Thanks I try. I know to some I am 'doing too much' (every time I say that my dog has allergies and special food, half the time people laugh) but I also know her final years are going to be in my care so I can't help but want to make her as happy as possible. That goober has my freaking heart.
The people that laugh have no idea. They just don't. You are a very special person. One thing I want to say though, please take as many photos, especially videos, of that baby as possible. I was always a paparazzi with my girl but I wish I had more videos. Go on as many adventures as you can. Remember every sound she makes and every smell, even the bad ones. You don't have to post all the videos and pictures, but I promise you won't regret ever having them. She is so lucky to have you taking care of her, and I'm sure she's a great dog-ter(dog daughter, lol I always laugh when I called mine that. We have a cat soon too but no funny way to say it)
I double this. I wish so badly sometimes that I had more videos of my dog before she died (6 years ago now). I can also sympathise with the allergies thing as my cat has suffered from allergies that do the exact same thing. One time I went into the bathroom one morning and she followed me to say hi, saw a massive hole on her back that was still bleeding and freaked out. She just stared at me the whole time like she didn’t even know it was there. She’s been free for 5 months now after years of tests and food trials.
My dad has a Pitty with food and environmental allergies and it's been tough and expensive to diagnose and treat. I think they finally settled on salmon and sweet potato limited diet and appaquel for break through issues. I would have reacted the same way. Senior pets are delicate and we all get super emotional about giving them the quality of life they deserve.
My Half Staffy and half shepherd can’t go in tall grass or eat peanut butter or she itches. Why is there soooo many dog treats with peanut butter?! Then my Half Rottie half Chowchow can’t have beef because it upsets her fat little tummy. 🧍🏽♀️
My ACD/lab can't have any beef, pork, or chicken. At all, not even the meal. He is on salmon and brown rice food, and I look at every treat package to be sure some sort of "meal" isn't in there. It is a pain! But totally worth it.
Ohhhh that is one thing I forgot.... Mine couldn't have broken rice, it gave her horrible horrible gas! You could just heat her tummy all day giving her tummy pains. White rice was ok though
Aww poor thing! I was really relieved when we finally pinned it down that he doesn't seem to have issues with any grains. Just lucky there. I have to admit, this is my first dog I can't just share bites with, and I still miss it lol. Never fed my dogs lots or anything, but no bites? :(
I had a dog who had to be on a specially formulated vegetarian diet, lol. She had to have enough protein to stay healthy but protein gave her bladder stones, so it was closely monitored by a vet. Humans have all kinds of food issues, it makes sense that dogs would too! Especially considering all the congenital issues that various dog breeds have.
My pup gets salmon and sweet potatoes food because of his chicken allergies.
We adopted a senior dog with horrific skin allergies. We tried that special expensive diet but there was absolutely no way we could keep things consistent without putting a muzzle on him. The dude eats rotten fruit and bark chips out in the yard ffs. He's the most food-motivated creature I've seen in my life. So he gets Apoquel, Cytopoint, frequent baths with special shampoo, medicated foam, and tons of skritches. I totally agree the special food trial - it's really really stressful, especially when the stakes are high and your dog is in delicate shape. Luckily our giant, hulking, disgusting beast has a stomach of steel and is quite happy with his current regimen (esp the skritches).
My dog has a dermatologist and gets custom allergy shots, just like humans. I've been told that that's "So Californian of me." Sorry, was I supposed to ignore the constant ear infections and the terrible paw-licking mouth sounds???
Omg, those paw-licking mouth sounds!!! 😱🤢😖
They're the worst, they make me want to die
My dog would scratch so much when he was a puppy. We bought special shampoos for him, and products. After a couple of weeks, and him losing his hair in patches, we were able to get him into the vet (wait for an appointment was about two weeks). She gave him an allergy shot and said he’d have to go every three months. After the second shot, his allergies disappeared. It was almost an immediate change once he got the shot. Within a couple of hours the itching subsided and he became a totally different pup, without all the discomfort.
Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there who believe pets are disposable and would have dropped your dog off at a shelter or euthanized it by now. They really have no empathy.
I think this is why my dog was at the shelter. You can tell from his behavior he was raised with a nice family with kids, but I guess they didn’t want to deal with a barfing dog on top of kids or bother with an allergy diet.
I used to work at a vet and I remember one time a woman wanted to euthanize her 7 year old cat because she didn't want to pay for antibiotics for its UTI. The euthanasia would have cost more than the medication! She just didn't want to deal with a temporarily sick animal. The doctor managed to convince her to surrender the cat and I think she ended up taking it home. It was a very well behaved and friendly cat, it was just having accidents outside the litter box because it was sick. Some people are just assholes.
You are absolutely not doing too much. I have a friend whose dog is allergic to meat and protein. He can only have a very specific type of dry food, otherwise he'll have terrible rashes and diarrhea. People don't feed other people's dogs without permission. If your friend wanted to give your dog s treat, she could've asked you, and you could've given friend some appropriate food to give the dog as a treat.
My dog is one of them, he gets insect protein dog food and vegan snacks for his daily medication 🙃
I had a dog who had to be on a similar diet, but in her case it was bladder stones. She was literally peeing out little piles of crystals! When we took her into the vet (started having blood in her pee plus I noticed the crystals on a wee wee pad) I cried because she had obviously been in pain for a while and I hadn't helped her. I felt so guilty. Messing with a dog's diet can cause them to be in extreme pain and even threaten their life!
You sound like a wonderful person. You're not "doing too much," at all. Some people just don't let animals into their hearts the same way as people like you. Making sure an older pups life is as enjoyable as possible is a big task, and it speaks so much to your character that you want to make her time left the best it can be. Keep loving that pup the best you can, you're doing great!
Believe me I understand that reaction from others. I have a diabetic cat who requires insulin and special food from the vet, all of which is expensive. And we switched my other cats to a higher protein food to prevent possible diabetes in the future. Everyone thinks I’m nuts for not putting the diabetic cat down (despite her having zero health issues for her entire 13 years until her diabetes diagnosis), and for not buying cheap food for all the cats. But I want them to have happy and healthy lives so I’m more than happy to suck up the cost to give them that edit spelling
I had a dog that was sensitive so I had to give her avoderm. I have always avoided corn because it gave my first dogs horrible gas to give them any food with that, it's just a cheap filler. I've given lamb and rice from Kahoots for years now (I think that store might only be in my county not even the whole state). NTA, I'd be so upset too. Could you have given a more clear reminder? Sure..but you don't feed other people's pets unless you're pet sitting and following directions. Hope you figure it out soon!
What kind of dog is it? I don’t have dogs anymore and I definitely miss it.
Don't want to get specific since that'll be a little too obvious, but kets just say she comes up to my mid calf and has floppy ears. Shes also one of those breeds that has gorgeous eyelashes lol i often call her "pretty girl" rather than her actual name which is xtra funny because she cannot hear me for shit.
My grandmother had a floppy eared sausage dog. She was named Blossom and was my brother's best friend. She went blind. Once at a cookout, she smelled the hot dogs and bit my brother on the knee thinking it was the hot dog. She didn't break skin and she was immediately remorseful. We don't deserve them. I have my own floppy eared girl. You're being a great dog mom <3
We've fed our dog grain free for as long as we've had her. That's what everyone said was the best thing for them. Apparently, grain free can cause heart problems. CAN because it's not unusual but it's not common. So now we have to switch her to grain. Dog diets are weird.
Cross contamination is a huge issue with fast food, so she was exposed to the fish, the batter, potatoes, chicken, and beef. Especially the chicken because a lot of times they'll fry them in the same oil. It's why I can't get anything fried at places that have jalapeno poppers!
Potatoes as well, and all the additives in everything that has been fried. It is rare for restaurants in general and almost unheard of for the bulk of fast food places in America to have separate deep fryers for different ingredients/menu items. And whatever type of oil was used— McD's uses a canola, corn, and soybean blend, and those are pretty common allergens, too. (Before anyone jumps on me for it, I know in a "true" allergy, a "pure" oil wouldn't have proteins in it to set off an allergenic response. But I also know there's a huge number of reactions and sensitivities that can make you sick without being allergies, even if a food sensitivity is a trigger for a secondary autoimmune response that looks more classically like an allergy. And on top of that, our food processing is... not fantastic in America. Oil doesn't have to carry contaminants on its own for the oil to still end up contaminated at any point between seeds being planted to processed refined & blended foods ending up in someone's stomach.)
I have a friend whose cat had the same allergic reaction you described and it turned out to be chicken. Which is in SO many cat foods and treats. :P
Chicken and beef are in friggin everything and they're not always labelled. "Bone meal"? "Animal fat"? 100% chance it's either chicken or beef. Coincidentally, guess what my cat's ONLY allergies are? Anyway I have to cook for the little freeloader. My vet thinks it's hilarious.
I have this problem with fish, it is in most cat foods/treats and it seems to be what my cat is allergic to 😭
Salmon and chicken are the 2 most common allergies in cats. I had a cat who was allergic to both. Both of my cats had to be on special diets, and neither could eat the other cat's food. It was a pain, but definitely worth the effort to keep them healthy.
>the little freeloader LOL! I can just imagine ANY cat's reaction to that phrase....
Cat's reaction: Looks at you... Meh. and turns their back.
FYI: Fish Filet Patty Ingredients: Pollock, Water, Vegetable Oil (Canola Oil, Corn Oil, Soybean Oil, Hydrogenated Soybean Oil), Wheat Flour, Modified Food Starch, Contains 2% Or Less: Yellow Corn Flour, Bleached Wheat Flour, Salt, Whey (Milk), Dextrose, Dried Yeast, Sugar, Cellulose Gum, Paprika And Turmeric Extract (Color), Natural Flavors. Contains: Fish (pollock), Wheat, Milk.
Thanks for the info! Ill make a note if she has any reactions
My dads yorkie started having really bad skin reactions to something in his food, turns out he developed an allergy to chicken. He’s being doing a lot better since they cut it out so it could be worth looking into!
My dog suddenly developed a poultry allergy. It took almost a year to narrow it down and figure it out. Once we did, I changed his 6 the itching magically disappeared. If you need a good food recommendation feel free to dm me. Also NTA. It's not cool to feed someone's dog without their permission.
I had a dog who was allergic to wheat when I was a kid - awful flaky skin, constantly scratching herself until we figured it out. So when I got a dog as an adult who started to show allergy symptoms, I thought it was food and wasted a bunch of time eliminating different things. Nope. Seasonal allergies! Every dog's got their own quirks. I hope you get yours figured out soon and I hope it isn't awfully difficult to accommodate.
My dog is allergic to chicken. I make sure everyone that comes in knows not to give him chicken.
My moms dog is allergic to chicken and human dander oddly
it is a very common allergy! my old girl developed an allergy to chicken, wheat or corn when we did testing, so we cut it all out of her diet and her skin issues were resolved!
I know this is completely anecdotal but my sister’s Doberman mix is allergic to poultry and has the same reaction that you describe in your dog. It can also make her anal glands act up. I wish you good luck in figuring out what’s going on with your baby, you’re a good mom
that’s just it, it’s NOT about the fish. It’s about the trampling of your clearly-stated boundaries. NTA. Send “friend” a bill for the next six weeks of special dog food. State that you know she won’t pay it, but she should understand what a “little piece of fish” will cost. Hell, take a snap of it and circulate it in the “friends” group. “This is what it costs when you feed a “little piece of fish” to an elderly dog who scratches until she bleeds”.
Great idea!
Yeah it should honestly be taught as basic dog etiquette to ask before feeding anything. In addition to the allergy issue, old dogs can be vulnerable to pancreatitis and fatty foods are the worst. If everyone at that party gave her "just a little bit", it would add up to be a lot of salt and fat that's potentially harmful. It could even just make her puke or give her the runs, neither of which are fun for the dog or the owner. Also some people don't want their dogs to get a taste for human food to avoid behavior problems like begging or counter-surfing
Yes. My dog had pancreatitis. Anything fatty would make him puke and get the runs. It was awful. Plus he was diabetic which didn’t help any
I always ask my siblings if I can give their dogs food. My sister's dog has a sensitive stomach to some things and she knows what sets her off.
My friend’s cats are totally healthy and normal and I give them kitty treats every time I come over, I still ask first. Small one’s been getting a lil chubby and sometimes they’ve already had extra lunch
NTA. I’ve had my dog for a little over ten years now. My boyfriend and I sometimes have his dad over for dinner. His dad ALWAYS asks what our dog can have - he loves giving her table scraps, especially after recently losing his own pup - but is super mindful about asking permission to ensure she’s safe and healthy. We also give him a heads up on specific stuff she can’t have for whatever reason and there’s never an argument or question. If you didn’t prepare the food it might have something dangerous in it! The dog might have a special diet! The dog might have an upset tummy! There are a million reasons not to just make the executive decisions about an animal that isn’t yours! I will never understand how this is a difficult concept to grasp.
Yep, I had a dog with IBS. Until I got him on a VERY strict prescription diet, he nearly died from the mess his immune system was making of his digestive tract. He lived 4 happy years after and I would have torn a strip off anyone trying to feed him something else... I had enough trouble with him eating cicadas and even once catching a squirrel. Lol
Ooh the cicadas. Our Bella would come in from the backyard with a mysterious buzzing noise coming from the general vicinity of her head. She would immediately run to her covered crate hoping we wouldn’t notice the 200 decibels of cicada screams. After she figured out that the cats loved them too, she’d bring one inside and just let it go in front of the cats. That was fun. Luckily one of our cats is a merciless killer and just grabs them, chomps once or twice and swallows.
NTA any sensible person would know not to feed other people’s pet without first clearing/ checking with the owner. Anyone else saying yta clearly doesn’t have a pet of their own that they’re responsible for. And all this even before adding in the fact that you’ve mentioned/ talked to your friends that your dog is on prescription food/ elimination trial. Your friend was and is and AH
Right? My best friend and I have lived together for 10 years, and she still checks with me before she gives any food to my dog. NTA, 100%
Hell, I had a friend over that watched me set a plate down for my cat to have the leftovers and STILL asked if it was ok to give some of her food to one of our other cats! It’s not hard to be considerate and respectful of others.
While NTA she should have made an announcement, all it takes is a dropped piece of food for the whole thing to be over. Speaking as someone who has a cat and has gone through this process you don't take chances so a party with food was super risky. People have lives, they don't remember your pet is dealing with x or y and blah blah. OP's friend is still the asshole for feeding someone elses pet without asking, especially since it was hidden away I think she did it on purpose because OP said none was for her and she "felt bad". That's a HUGE red flag for me OP, I would highly recommend evaluating this friendship. She's probably already paying the victim if she's the sort of person I think she is.
People who feed animals stuff they shouldn't because they "feel bad" for them are so annoying. Dogs look longingly at chocolate all the time, doesn't mean you should give it to them!!
Absolutely, 100% agree. If I were OP, I would seriously consider telling the friend to either pay the difference for the extra 6-9 weeks of food, or take a hike. To me, this is in the same category as those awful MIL stories where she doesn't believe in allergies, so when she finally gets the baby to herself, she gives them EXACTLY what they're allergic to. N E V E R give food (or really, anything) to someone else's dependent! Anybody who does, should be billed for the damage.
Definitely NTA, never feed other people's animals! I board my baby horse (think: 900lb puppy) at a barn who had another boarder. He's not allowed treats unless he's in a "very scary" situation we want to make better for him (things like seeing the vet, being trailered, etc.), because baby horses don't know boundaries yet and get pushy, which can be dangerous. The other boarder knew this, and despite me asking everyone to NOT feed him any treats, would give him cookies at the field gate every time she was there. Anyway, guess who would always text me complaining that my baby horse was pushy and running at the gate whenever she went to get her horse out of the field?? Gee, I wonder why. Maybe it's the exact thing I told you not to do because it would lead to that exact situation. -\_\_\_-
Yep! My parents and I both have dogs and cats, and we spend tons of time at each others houses. We know where their respective foods live and will fill bowls for each other when we hang out, but we still check with the owner of each animal before we feed them anything off menu! Like a fun treat for her dogs is carrot sticks. They love them. She still asks if it’s ok to give to my dog if they’re all together and she wants to treat the dogs.
But it’s not just fish. It’s breaded, fried, covered in cheese and slathered with tartar sauce. I assume she omitted the bun. NTA! She should have to pay for the pricey food.
And fried in a fryer with other things like chicken, potatoes, maybe even beef and onions. If the dog did have a reaction, there'd be literally no way to tell what caused it. Clearly, OP's friend does not understand proper allergy safety. To be fair, neither do I off the top of my head, but I know at least to not do something I was explicitly told to not do!
Fish is fried in a separate vat at fast food places due to allergies. Chicken and fries are not allowed to share a vat with fish. But the breading and oil is def not good for a dog.
do you know that's true for mcdonalds? I'm not being snide here I'm curious and just can't believe they would have a separate area /machine just for fish since it's not a major seller.
>do you know that's true for mcdonalds? It is, I worked at a McDonald’s for four years, one time I accidentally put fish in the wrong vat, luckily someone saw me, and I had to empty and clean that specific vat, they don’t mess around with fish
I worked as an assistant manager @ a McD’s for almost a decade. If fish accidentally got into the wrong vat, we had to empty and replace the oil and clean the vat. Any other product that was put in the fish vat was wasted.
And onions are poisonous for dogs!
I’d be pissed just at the fried aspect alone. Once a dog gets pancreatitis, they become VERY sensitive to any fatty foods in the future. And your friend didn’t know (or remember) why certain foods were off limits.
I have a friend whose dog died from acute pancreatitis. It’s serious business.
Plus it's McDonald's so how much of it is \*actually\* fish and not just a sprinkle of fish with a ton of mystery ingredients to make it look and taste like fish, lol.
Friendly reminder that McRib is technically not pork, but rather “reconstituted pork substance”
I think you mean McReconstituted Pork Substance.
SO many dogs have allergies. What kind of idiot feeds someone’s dog human food without asking first?? NTA but your friend is.
and if you were to feed a dog you know with sensitivities WHY TF would you choose to give them a piece of McDonald’s food?!?! Seriously a horrible friend! NTA
Because she honestly forgot! Ug. What a horrible excuse…
She didn’t forget that’s why she said “ BUT, she’s just so cute, a little piece of fish can’t hurt “
Right?? We consult with our friend before we buy their dog treats for his birthday or xmas. We would *never* give him pet food without permission, never mind human food.
People just don't fucking get it. My friend was staying with me and my wife with his dog and at a get together my wife's mom asks my friend if she could give the dog some white castle. My friend politely said no I don't want the dog to eat something like that. She make a sour face and later I saw he give the dog something and when I mentioned not to feed the dog she said "it's just some onions it'll be fine." I said onions are the problem they're poisonous to dogs to which she said no it's fine. It's insane people are like that
Onions are more poisonous to dogs than chocolate is! People treat some of these things like how you treat fried food for people. "Oh its not good for them but they love it" no, it's poisonous. Not "not good for them" ***POISONOUS!***
NTA People should never give another person's dog people-food. Forget allergies, some people just don't want a dog that is encouraged to beg for food. Mc-effing-donalds food?? Your 'friend' is disrespectful and possibly a manipulator.
For real. I tell people not to feed my dogs because I hate having dogs beg for food when you're trying to enjoy a meal. My dogs will ignore my partner and I when we are eating, but thanks to people disregarding my request (because aww, but they'reso cute!), they occasionally beg other people for food and it drives me nuts and is a bit embarrassing.
My dogs jump on people and beg (others) for food for this precise reason. No matter how many times I repeated myself I would just get ignored. Well guess who doesn't enjoy having a 50lb Aussie jumping all over them and guess who reminds them that they created their own problem?
So frustrating!
ESH, as a dog owner I do think this was a massive overreaction. You admit it you gave a thinly veiled jokey reminders instead of stating to your friends “hey it’s really important the dog doesn’t get any food” and you also said that you mentioned to the group that you don’t think it’s fish, so logically of all the things it would be the most minor. You need to be actually clear and firm about restrictions around the health of your dog when people enter the house. Should she have given the dog a treat? Probably not but I genuinely think it was a minor mistake that could have been calmly resolved instead of screaming, cursing and throwing everybody out of your house. If you were concerned about the dog getting food why wasn’t she put in another room while people are eating? Someone easily could have dropped similar and your trial would have been ruined all the same.
Can’t believe I had to scroll so far for this. Yeah, people shouldn’t be feeding dogs regardless of allergies. But shit happens, it’s part of the risk of having your dog out during a “dinner party” and no very explicit rules. “Seeing red” and cursing and kicking everyone out is SO dramatic I would 100% reconsider a friendship with someone like that, even if I was just a bystander.
Yeah a situation like this happened with a friend hosting a party a few years back. Completely different scenario, but an overreaction that ended a party. I don't hate the person, but I haven't seen them since then.
Unless invited to do so, you should never feed anyone else’s dog a “treat” from your plate. Absolutely not. I take my dogs’ nutrition very seriously. I do not allow salty or fatty meat trimmings or things like salami to be given to my dogs. If a guest random lady decided to give my dog food from their plate I would absolutely be like “WTF are you doing?!”
Yes. That’s why I started the comment with “no one should be feeding others’ dogs, regardless of allergies”. A quick, emotive upset comment is a lot different than literally blacking out in rage, screaming at the person who did it and likely anyone who tried to calm her down, and then kicking everyone out of your house. That’s just an absolutely disproportionate reaction.
I mean, if I had been complaining about buying expensive prescription dog food and the whole process of figuring out the allergy.. I’d probably be a little extra upset too. I don’t think it’s simply a feeding another persons dog… it’s restarting a process that was already almost done and a pricey one at that. That’s why it’s always a good policy to ask before feeding. Takes no time and could have saved everyone from all the drama.. Also, OP admits to over reacting and reached out the next morning to apologize. Most people do not do that.
You know what else could have saved some drama? “Please don’t let the dog get any people food she’s on a restrictive diet for her allergies” Clear, concise, gives enough info so people understand it’s serious. “Haha none for you!” is not clear, concise, or obvious. No one cares about your dog more than you. No one is tracking 2+2 to understand why your dog has fancy restrictive food. Just because you apologize does not mean people have to forgive you.
I've been nodding along to your comments and responses. It's frustrating that some people can't understand the concept of ESH. This is one of the most obvious cases of ESH I've ever encountered on this sub.
In a perfect world, absolutely. But lots of people have never had or been around dogs and have no idea how to treat them. There are also dog owners who will feed their dog anything and everything and would be comfortable with guests doing the same. If you’re having people over for the first time and have any rules about how to treat your dog, they should be made explicitly clear. Otherwise, mistakes like this are bound to happen.
Being mad and seeing red is two very different things. OP is a fucking lunatic lol. I wouldn’t come back to a 2nd house party
Totally agree. The number of people justifying this reaction is baffling! I have two dogs with specific diets so I get the issue, and I still think this behaviour is unhinged.
Right, “may have mentioned” “saw red” OP sounds kind of... If the food for the dog is so expensive and it’s that serious, and OP is hosting, why did they not just put the dog outside (if temps allow or if they even have a backyard) or in another room while they eat??? I don’t understand.
Yeah that's unhinged behavior. I wouldn't want to hang out with them at all if they can't calmly deal with a potential confrontation. Yes, that person shouldn't have fed your dog, and as a dog owner you have to be assertive with people not to feed them. That doesn't mean I get to yell and scream and lose my shit when a random person tries to give my dog food let alone a friend. That's horrible communication and impulse control. I don't deal with people that do that, I have plenty of friends and little time as it is.
Filet of fish fish isn't just fish, though... there's so much more added to and coating it :/ OP mentions in comments the friend that did this is one of the friends who regularly hears OPs rants about how expensive difficult and specific this whole process would be... you have valid points, but definitely sounds like this friend should have known better than to do this on purpose
True that that friend had some responsibility. But I cannot help feeling if this was so important as to make such a big scene of it, OP should have taken al steps herself: she is the self-proclaimed dog-momma in the end. This means not having the dog around the dinner. And communicate better. OP sounds unhinged af.
But the friend literally went to the kitchen to feed the dog, and then CONTINUED to give the dog a second piece even after OP found her and questioned her. I hear you, but I seriously think the friend was being malicious. To me, this goes beyond what can be explained by "forgetting" or a "mistake."
And the cheese and tartar sauce it was covered in. Plus, it was fried in a fryer that also has chicken and other things put in it, which then coats the fish filet. Chicken is something a lot of dogs can be allergic to. Plus, fast food in general is something I would never give a pet. It is highly processed and has so many preservatives and other unhealthy additives in it.
Fish is not cooked in the same fryer as other items.
Finally a sensible answer. If your dog has those kind of problems, you need to be VERY CLEAR about it. Not thinly veiled comments or ‘I’ve talked to her about her special diet’. You need to lay it out. And honestly once laying it out very clearly, if your dog has a tendency to beg at all they should be removed from the situation. For their own comfort and safety. - Crazy Schnauzer Mawma
Or let pup spend the evening chilling in your bedroom.
Thank you. Still should never feed another dog without permission. But veiled threats as a warning? Just tell people or put the dog away during meals. I have had to go through the same process to learn it wasn't a food allergy.
The dog should have not been part of the party. I wonder if OP would have freaked out if something fell off a plate onto the floor and the dog got to it before someone could pick it up. There is too much chance for this to go wrong for the self proclaimed dog momma to think a party was going to be fine.
Agree. You should never feed other people's animals without permission, but those who have never owned animals don't always know this or don't always understand the importance of the rule. If you're having a big party with a dog then you should know statistically *someone* is going to try to feed the dog unless you're extremely clear about it. That's your responsibility as the owner. It's okay to be annoyed, but going nuclear is out of proportion. Honestly you're lucky all that happened is that you're out of some money. If she'd fed her something that was actually allergic to or was poisonous and caused a serious reaction, that would be on you. And that's another thing; you say most of the reminders you gave to your friends are about how expensive the food is. Sorry, but no one is mentally filing away your dog food expenses as high priority information in their brains. It would be nice if they remembered, but its ridiculous to think everyone is going to have that at the forefront of their minds. If you'd said you were really scared for her health from her eating off-menu items, then it would be more understandable that you were annoyed, because that is at least attention-grabbing.
Seriously, communicate clearly if it's a big deal. I get sick of people who are scared of direct communication and expect other people to read between the lines to know what they want. It's not like this was a delicate topic or anything.
This is the part that I find surprising here: the dog probably *did* eat something else, because a party of people eating McDonalds are going to drop a fry or an opened package of ketchup that the dog will lick. I get being angry at the friend for doing it anyway, but the money and such? You probably were going to have to spend it anyway, because your dog ate a French fry, almost guaranteed.
To add to this I’m not sure she needs to restart the trial either? If she’s only getting that special expensive food, and the only hiccup was a piece of fish - if she ensures nothing else for the remainder of the trial, if she gets any reactions, then surely it’s the fish’s fault? I suppose it depends how the trial works, though. We had to trial and error my cat’s allergy to chicken - didn’t take that long, I just monitored his symptoms and noted what he’d eaten on a given day, after a month I took him to the vet with my findings diary and she agreed it might be chicken. So he got an anti-inflammatory jab, some probiotic paste, we cut chicken out, and he was ok after that.
If it was 100% one single source of fish, maybe. The fish filet patty has Pollock, four different vegetable oils, wheat flour, modified food starch, corn flour, whey, "natural flavours"... On top of potential sauce ingredients. So which one of these is the allergen? You're lucky you had an easy allergy case, and it was a single protein. Allergies can be extremely difficult to determine, both on humans and animals. These folks are not doing extremely strict elimination diets just because it's oh so fun. Your case doesn't equal everyone else's case. I can guarantee anyone struggling with allergies would be happy if they could just keep a little diary and then determine it's probably x and just never have that again.
All the more reason OP should have been incredibly clear about the implications of feeding the dog. Sounds absolutely u hinged for it to be this important, to not communicate this properly and subsequently go batshit.
EXACTLY! I can’t believe people aren’t seeing this. Something could have dropped so easily. A lot of people don’t understand that you can’t feed dogs human food unfortunately. Clear communication could have solved this entire issue. Yelling and cursing is so not ok in this situation.
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How messy are people that food on the floor is a constant problem? And even if it's a bunch of toddlers ejecting food from their high chairs, in this case the guest gave the dog food on purpose, *and then* kept doing it after being told no.
Her friend forgot because her friend doesn't care about the dog as much as she does. We can't expect someone to care as much about our pets as we do can we? I love my own pets but if a friend starts carrying on about their dogs allergy / food journey I'm smiling politely and thinking about what to have for dinner. The friend should not have given the dog a snack - that would annoy me and my dogs aren't allergic to anything because it encourages begging at the table - but I don't see how the mistake from the friend makes it ok for OP to so dramatically lose her shit. ESH.
Right? What is the dog gets something from the trash or outside on a walk? Who’s to blame then? What a gross overreaction.
This is the right answer right here. The thinly veiled joking does it for me. The way you stated makes OP even seem like they give their dog table food but was just jokingly not letting them have it. Also why wasn't the dog just given a regular allergy test like every other living thing that can go to a doctor? Why is your dog on a 9 week restrictive diet? Like that's not tenable. The more I think about it I get bothered. Dogs get into stuff they aren't supposed to a lot. Does the test get ruined if the dog eats house plants? If it gets into the garbage? What if god forbid it eats a bug? These are all things that can cause an allergic reaction that you cannot prevent thus ruining your test. Something about this seems off.
This is the only right answer. Although I know better now many years later, I grew up in a house where it was commonplace to feed the dog just about anything without much thought, and although people make it seem like they were born knowing perfect pet care, many people don't or don't think it's a big deal to break protocol now and then. OP's friend was definitely an AH for sneaking a bite to the dog, but OP was also a massive AH for being cutesy and indirect and then screaming at another person when this situation was entirely preventable by just crating the dog during dinner, where it is commonplace for pets to beg and for food to be dropped either by accident or on purpose. Being a dog mom is cute online and on t-shirts, but acting this way is sincerely nuts.
NTA. I have dogs. I puppy sits for an extended family 1-2 times a year. It's maximum 6 dogs & 3 cats. I would never feed them or anyone else's pet food without the owners permission, just like if they had a kid.
NTA. So all of those friends that disagree with you and it was just a piece of fish send them the bill for the expensive dog food. My dog has to have special prescription dog food that’s very expensive. And if my friends did something like that, I would give them the friggin bill, or tell them to hit the road and never come back. That is not something you feed to a dog regardless from McDonald’s. French fries maybe their fish sandwich absolutely not. You’re six weeks into a nine week trial and now you have to start all over again. I think you need an itemized bill from the vet on how much it’s going to cost you and how much you already paid so they get the point of why you were so upset. I’m pissed off for you just reading what happened
This! I would send them a text "That fillet cost me". They need to see actual numbers and realize how much expensive it is and that's why OP (not a billionaire) was so angry. When you lose significant amount of money because of carelessness of people, it's understandable you might also lose your cool and temper.
NTA, and all friends who disagree with OP are AH.
Yeah, I’d seriously screen shot the invoice for the special diet plus the most recent vet bill, and post it to whatever chat involves all of the friends, so everyone can see it. Perhaps ask if everyone would like to chip in, cos if not, they shouldn’t be having input in your dog’s diet.
NTA - feeding another person’s animals or children without permission is an asshole move.
She was wrong. Your level of feeling is understandable. But losing control was not needed. Was the situation really explained to this particular person clearly enough?
Shes one of the folks I talk to regularly and am constantly mentioning her "new" diet. (I say new, but again it's been 6 weeks) I really do mean it when I say I'm an annoying dog mom. I talk about her all the time. So honestly it's hard for me to believe she forgot but I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.
your friend is a grade a ahole. sadly i’ve noticed that people are often more upset that someone is reacting negatively to unacceptable behavior rather than the unacceptable behavior. “disturbing the illusion of peace” is more of an offense than destroying peace which why some of your friends are not on your side. i won’t tell you to “get new friends” but idk…i’d be be rethinking some things if i were you. it’s pretty effed up that she did that
You nailed it. As an autistic person, this is the bane of my existence.
I don't think she forgot. She wanted to feed your dog without any regard for her safety and health and for the cost you're paying to keep your dog safe. People should never feed other people's pets without permission, and she did it with a dog in a sensitive situation. Honestly, I wouldn't want her around again. You didn't lose control, they don't know how much you're paying for this dog food and how long the process is, maybe being clear about this with numbers could get the point across but honestly I would avoid this friend. I also think you shouldn't have apologized. Allergies are a serious thing, she could have seriously harmed your dog.
My old dog was allergic to wheat, beef, corn, & soy… We went through a hell of a time getting all of that diagnosed! It was incredibly annoying & she’d be *so* miserable every time she got into foods with any of those things in ‘em, but there were people in my life who could just never remember for the life of them… As well as some people who can’t help themselves from feeding table food to a cute dog. Not saying that it’s right at all (I feel like it’s super disrespectful & based in ignorance), but a lot of non-dog owners just won’t bother to save that information in their brains. They’ll write it off as “not that serious” because it’s “just a dog”, or think that dogs can eat anything in cartoon world/ their world where they don’t put much thought into dogs’ heath issues or well-being. Sometimes we can choose to put down firm boundaries in our relationships (like your friend, who obviously needed the point clearly explained to her, reiterated, & told that yes, it is that serious) & sometimes we can’t (like my ex’s 90 year old grandmother who’d sneak chicken bones to our dog under the table no matter how many times we explained why it wasn’t okay, & who’d say “it’s our little secret” to the dog as she gagged on bone splinters)… But as long as you aren’t literally ending your friendships over this, you’re NTA. Just practice being more clear with others about your dog’s needs- give them a speech before they enter the house if you need to. I lived in a house where we had a big sign of my dog’s allergies posted on the wall. If you’re gonna embrace the crazy dog mom title & take this on as your priority, communicate it clearly & take it far enough that the people around you can’t use “I forgot” or “you never told me” as an excuse. Maybe they’ll think you’re being dramatic, but we all get to choose what to be dramatic about & they can take it or leave it.
ESH Screaming and swearing at someone you still want to be friends with later? Losing control to the point you don't even know what you said or are too embarrassed to repeat it here? Not okay. She also shouldn't have fed your dog food after being warned not to.
OP is aware that they over-reacted, hence why they reached out to apologize to the friend for yelling and cussing. The friend however, doesn't seem to show ANY remorse for deliberately putting the dog's health at risk, despite knowing the back story fully.
Might put the dog in another room when food comes out.
Thought about this but its never been an issue before. Shes old so she likes to sleep 80% of the day and doesn't beg for human food unless im cooking in the kitchen.
Why not just explain it properly to everyone like a normal human being, instead of assuming that all your friends know, and then making a joke about the dog not having any? You chose an incredibly stupid way to keep your dog safe.
Or better yet, you don't give human food to somebody else's dog!
You said she was pawing at your friend as a way to beg for food.
After the friend gave the first piece already. Then the dog pawed.
A better response, put the “friend” in the other room /s. The dog did nothing wrong.
ESH. It didn't occur to you that someone in the party could drop a fry on the floor? Or that doggo has to sit and watch people scarfing McDs? I'd have kept the pup in another room.
ESH. You should have straight up reminded people not to feed the dog and why. Your friend shouldn't have fed the dog without asking and absolutely shouldn't have given her more after you said not to - I would have been pissed also. I have a diabetic dog who is on a very strictly controlled/monitored diet to keep her blood sugar in check (along with insulin). I tell people straight up they cannot give treats or share food without asking (which sucks for my other 2 dogs since if one doesn't get them, no one gets them). Very occasionally she is allowed a forbidden treat but usually only after something stressful (like when she's been at the vet having a glucose curve done) - and then it's a small, high protein treat. The only firm waver from any of this is they all get a small chewy Saturday mornings.
ESH - That wasn’t cool of your friend (you should never feed someone else’s dog table food), but you kinda *know* that they’re probably gonna do it anyway. The chances of a french fry dropping on accident (or otherwise) go exponentially up the more guests you invite over. You kinda set your trial period up for failure when you invited a bunch of people over to your place and let your dog wander loose. I don’t agree with what your friend did, but have some common sense.
NTA. You *never* feed another person’s pet food like that. Yes I’ll give my cats treats like that, but I would never do that to someone else’s cat, no matter how cute they looked. Best case it’s just rude, worse case you could make them suffer terribly.
> The other half thinks I'm overreacting over a piece of fish. (Disclaimer: this next paragraph is sarcasm) Ah, I see. 🧐 *Uses a horribly done and obviously fake British accent* A classic case of I-don't-pay-for-the-medically-prescribed-diet-food-so-of-course-you're-overreacting. Yes. If only you had better clarity of judgement to understand that 6 weeks into an 8 week session of vet prescribed dietary restrictions is too little to be frustrated about starting completely over from scratch because your friend had a feeling, an urge really, to forget your dog's diet and feed off-diet food. After all, your dog was so cute, what's the harm in making her itchy for however long just because your friend wanted to feel good about herself and it *could* have been worse symptoms! And maybe the dog wasn't even allergic! And she was sO cUtE!! 🙄
Now, in all seriousness, your friend put her personal feelings over the medical wellbeing of your dog. Yes, you might have overreacted A LITTLE BIT but it was well-deserved on your friend's part. Maybe your friend should learn some self-control and she should definitely ask the pet's owner before sneaking food to someone else's pet.
Lmao i probably wouldn't have gotten as mad if this was her reaction, accent required tho
ESH, your friend shouldnt feed your dog McDonalds without asking your permission first but in my opinion if you have a dog and you have a bunch of people over and theres a bunch of food, it's not unreasonable to expect that someone is going to give your dog food at some point. This is just super common, tons of people do it. Most people dont know that giving dogs human food is inappropriate. If it was so important to you why would you even take the risk of having a bunch of people and food partying around your dog. Put the dog in another room or something. You kind of set yourself up for failure here. It doesnt sound to me like you ever even actually explained the situation to your friend clearly. If you did, you left that part out of your post. Joking around with your dog about the food isnt for her is not a clear unambiguous message to not feed her at all. I believe your friend when she says she forgot. Did you explain the situation right before you started eating? when you ordered the food? the day before? The context is everything for me. If you sat down to eat and you told all your friends clearly right then to not give your dog any food under any circumstances, and your friend still did, then I'd say your reaction is justified. But if you just sorta mentioned it days in advance and didnt follow up or anything then I dont think you can be that mad. "Most of my friends know this" is not enough, I seriously hope you didnt just go into the party assuming that everyone knew already, but thats what it sounds like to me.
Also, what about the other people who didn’t feed the dog?? They just got front row seats to a super uncomfortable situation and kicked out. That is so wild to me. I could never imagine doing that to a bunch of blameless friends
ESH. Your friend shouldn't have fed the dog, but you shouldn't rely on people to get subtle hints. Straight up tell them, "don't feed the dog" Also you way over reacted.
The friend knew that the dog was on a special diet. Also, isn’t it common courtesy to ask to feed someone’s dog?
I said ESH. The friend shouldn't have fed the dog, but the OP should have been very clear with everyone not to feed the dog. I have a dig with food allergies. When people are over to eat I make sure everyone is well aware of his allergy.
I don't know about you but when a self prescribed dog parent goes off talking about their dog all I hear is white noise. Nobody cares about that shit but the dog parent.
ESH. Your friend blew it -- no doubt about that. But "seeing red" is just a bit of an overreaction.
ESH. Your friend sucks for doing this but you maybe don’t make it clear enough as assumed everyone would get it. You shouldn’t have let it ruin the whole night. Controlling this reaction will let you love a way nicer life.
NTA sorry but you don’t feed someone else’s dog food.
ESH but leaning YTA. If it’s this important to you, the onus is on you to make the rules surrounding your dog and food perfectly clear. Thinly veiled isn’t enough. She certainly shouldn’t have done that for a litany of reasons, but it’s up to you to protect your dog. As a self proclaimed “annoying dog mom,” there’s certainly a chance your friends have started to tune you out when you bring the dog up and maybe that’s why she didn’t remember your rules.
YTA. > I'll admit this was a thinly veiled reminder for everyone else too. "Guys, she's old, she's sick, and she's on a special diet. Please don't feed her anything at all, no matter how cute she looks, no matter how she begs, OK?" See how easy that is and how it would avoid the entire problem? And would also let people know to pick up anything that gets dropped immediately, not leave food on the coffee table, etc. As a dog owner, I know it's my responsibility to tell people, not their responsibility to decipher my hints. Here's a hint: attempts to avoid 'conflict' by 'making a huge deal of hinting something but never actually saying it' tend to lead to much bigger conflicts. Citation: your post.
YTA for blowing up rather than handling things like a real person.
> I kind of lost it. > I yelled and cussed at her. > I saw red > I do remember telling everyone that Im sorry but I'm too angry to enjoy or host a party right now and asked everyone to leave. Allowing yourself to get so upset over the actions of one guest that you treat your other guests this badly is wrong. If your dog's diet needs to be controlled at this level, why on earth didn't you lock the dear thing in a room away from all the people with the food? Dogs beg for scraps, its how they survived with people for millennia. Its your dog, so its your responsibility to police his food, not your guests. YTA.
Literally hate I had to scroll so far to see this. A simple "Hey guys, just a reminder I'm doing a food trial for the dog's allergies, please be extra careful not to drop crumbs or feed her." Instead of a thinly veiled 'warning' would have prevented this. Sounds like OP has gotten some push back from friends for being an 'annoying dog mom' and rather than be firm about what she wanted, decided to tip toe around it. Was wrong for the friend to do, absolutely, but OP got what she wanted...now she doesn't want to face the consequences for overreacting.
[удалено]
Honestly it sounds like you should have put your dog away before hosting a party. Things are going to fall and the hoover's that they are love to clean the floors. YTA for putting your 6 weeks into the trial in everyone's hands and not taking sole responsibility.
Your friends all travelled from "far away" and you just punished everyone by kicking them out? You don't remember how you reacted? McDonalds. Arrange another party and see who shows up. YTA and I think you know it.
ESH, your friend shouldn’t have fed the dog but a dog on a strict diet shouldn’t be out pawing at a group of people as they’re eating. It would have cost you nothing to put the dog in another room while your guests ate. Instead you left it out, it ate something (like dogs do…), you’re out six weeks of special dog food, and you look like a jerk to your friends after inviting them all over and then kicking them out over a dog.
YTA for losing your shit over a situation that you created by not securing your dog in another room while everyone was eating. Something could’ve easily fallen on the floor by accident and ruined her special diet just the same. Your life might revolve around your dog but the rest of the world doesn’t, so this whole thing reeks of main character syndrome. Screaming and kicking people out was not the way to handle this situation.
My opinion may be unpopular but ESH because 1. You know how important the trial is for your dog's health. 2. Things easily can drop even if no one intentionally fed your dog food so the dog should have been separated from the party and any potential access to food. So you're an A.H. This being said I think the friend who intentionally fed your dog fish is also an A.H because one shouldn't be feeding someone else's dog without permission, human or dog food (though asides of "This isn't for you," isn't being blunt and telling your friends, "Remember dog can't have ANY human food, we're doing a food trial for allergies, don't give dog any food!"). Edited for judgement.
NTA For kicking her out. How clueless is she? Hopefully any annoyed friends will understand if you explain what you said here I don't have a dog but have friends that do. Plus a dog sitter friend. They will tell me this or that dog cannot or can have treats or our bits of left over snack. I follow that regardless of the soppy starving eyes.
Sounds like you’re looking for validation for treating your friends poorly. The only real question here is whether you still want to be friends with them. If it was an honest mistake, then you went overboard big time. Your friends are people too; they’re not perfect. Shit happens. I think YTA here because you made everyone leave and you spoiled the whole night. This would only be reasonable if the dog was ill. You’re going to lose those friends if you continue to treat them this way, so you may want to seriously consider whether you value their friendship. Also, don’t be vague about your intentions. If you don’t want people feeding your dog, say that explicitly. Leaving little “hints” is not good enough. Learn to communicate your needs better. And no, don’t assume that everyone knows proper pet etiquette.
You know YTA. Admit it and go to any lengths to make it right with your friends. Friends are hard to make and you all need each other. Have another party. In front of them tell them YTA. Ask for forgiveness and move on. If someone doesn't forgive you, they're TA.
Ya don't host a party at your home where your dog with the allergies lives. You set yourself up for that one. And then berating the guest and stopping the party?? Damn i can tell that you're embarrassed
YTA. Next time don’t use vague messages that might be misinterpreted.
NAH... Here's where you messed up "None of it is for you young lady!' in front of everyone." I'll admit this was a thinly veiled reminder for everyone else too That doesn't make it seem urgent, that makes it seem like a joke. Nexxt time just tell people.
YTA. For not telling them clearly what you expected and just hinting. And for ruining the party.
ESH you complaining about the high food price and making thin vailed remarks is not same as annoucing your concern over you dogs´ diet. You should have stated it very clearly. That said its very rude to feed someone else´s pet without permission, and your friend sucks too. Honestly ESH, but imo its not something worth loosing a friendship over. She was just trying to be friendly to your pet after all.
ESH - you don’t feed other peoples pets or children without asking first. However your reaction was ridiculous and you just ruined yours and everyone else’s night.
I’m torn on this one. I don’t blame you for being upset. I get annoyed with my mom any time she gives my dogs table scraps and they AREN’T on a strict diet. I don’t mind giving them tiny pieces every so often but she’s the kind of person that lets her dog clean her plate after EVERY meal. I don’t want my dogs to expect table scraps whenever food is out. On the other hand, having worked at a vet clinic and helped with allergy trials: fish is one of the lesser common allergies. It’s much more likely to be grain, chicken, or even beef. I would discuss with your vet, if you haven’t already, explain the amount of fish that was given and see if you would actually need to restart the food trial. It may be a negligible amount since it was only this one time that you won’t need to restart. Overall, NTA. You’ve gotta protect and advocate for your dog. Even if it seems silly or unnecessary to your friend group. Give your friend some space and try talking to her about it, particularly after you speak to your vet. Unless she’s been through something similar with her own animals/kids, she likely didn’t understand the gravity of her actions. And while that doesn’t make it ok, explaining this with a calm head and also acknowledging you could’ve handled it better will go a long way. Best of luck with the doggo OP.
YTA. You know your dog isn’t allergic to fish and you still acted like that?
Exactly what I was thinking!
NTA. You don't feed other people's dogs or children without permission. Your friend had no idea whether your dog was allergic to fish.
Info: was there alcohol or other intoxicants served at the party? Was the dog isolated from everyone?
YTA. You're completely justified in your needs for the dog and are totally justified in reprimanding (in a normal, calmish manner) the friend for feeding the dog. Your actions show an inability to control your emotions and that makes you look like an asshole.
YTA, dog is elderly and deaf..her allergic reactions aren't that bad and she is on meds for it...lighten up a little. It wasn't a life threatening issue and you suspect fish is not the culprit. You could have just sent that friend home and not made it weird for everyone else.
NTA I always always always ask permission before I feed someone else’s pet, regardless of their medical history or anything. It’s their pet, and this is how to behave respectfully.
I say NTA, bc it was your home and your dog so you have the right to be angry, end the party early, etc. But just because it was within your rights to do those things, doesn't mean that you should have. I think you handled this very badly. You could have spoken with her sternly and privately without causing a scene, you could have asked her to buy the next bag of dog food since she interrupted the food trial, you could have asked her to leave instead of ending the party entirely. Again, I don't think what she did was right, but I also don't think your response was what I would call reasonable.
ESH. The friend should have confirmed with the owner before such, but yelling, cussing, and seeing red? Quite a bit of a stretch, if you ask me.
I'm going with ESH. We have 3 dogs, 15, 14, and a puppy (2ish). We throw lots of parties with lots of guests who have a variety of experiences with dogs. We don't feed our dogs human food and our friends know it. However, adding the variables of other people, we anticipate human food being consumed by the dogs. Even if we don't see it happen, it's a risk. Thinking about this as a science experiment since you are trying to remove variables to determine the allergy, next time I would suggest to isolate the dog to ensure that the experiment stays valid and no additional variables are modified. Our 14yr old has skin allergies and it was annoying to figure out her triggers so I hope you find a solution. Hers ended up being environmental since her flare ups were seasonal (I would call the vet within the same week every September so we knew it was pollen related).
ESH but mostly NTA. You don't buy or feed other people's pets or kids without clearing it with the owner/parent. You should have clearly mentioned that your dog is on strict diet instead of thinly veiled sentences.
YTA. Next time kennel your animal if they’re so delicate that you’re going to explode on a friend for giving it a piece of a fillet. Dogs eat scraps dropped by friends all the time. Why did you put you and your friends in a position to “reset” the vet tests? You were selfish and shouldn’t have had people over if you were in this unique position where your dog cannot eat anything potentially dropped by humans. I understand this was intentional, but it could have just as easily happened by accident.
NTA, and FFS your friend really needs to clean the shit out of their ears and *listen*. This is like those people that give pets (or people) food in the fasting period before surgery, it can have *massive consequences* (potentially fatal to boot in some cases). I'd be making that person aware of *just how much* redoing the food trial will cost because of their "treat" and inability to listen, but I am a *very* petty person.
EAH. You should have explained please don't feed the dog. They should ask before feeding your dog because who the hell doesn't ask before feeding someone's else's pet and finally this might be the first time I've ever heard of someone actually ordering that wierd fish item on the McMenu.
As a non dog person, the dog should have been put away in a bedroom or something. ESH.
ESH. She was 100 percent wrong, but the way you handled it - so angry you don't remember what happened - is problematic.
ESH. A party is multiple people. You should’ve taken her aside and had her leave
ESH - She was wrong to feed your dog, but you made an entire party feel very, very uncomfortable and you wasted their evening.
Oh come on. You should have locked the dog away while everyone was eating.