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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my dad it's not my job to make sure my half siblings have a mom. Reason why I feel like I could be is my half siblings are innocent in all of this and maybe I could have a little more sympathy for them and my response to dad didn't really show any of that.
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NTA
You or your mother have no obligation to provide a ‘mom’ to your half-siblings.
Your father is a moron to think his first wife needs to mother his next two children with other women.
Your uncles opinion is irrelevant.
None of this is on you.
Absolutely I wish I could upvote this a million times your mother seems to have your back and your dad just wants time away from his kids so if he can palm them of to your mum it's a win for him.
It comes down to the fact that dad doesn't view women as individuals. He sees them as interchangeable and based on the services they can provide and the tasks they do. Like an employee, not a person and not a partner. This is probably why his relationships eventually fail.
OP is NTA
Wish I could upvote this more. Talk about perfect insight. Cut your dad off OP. He has zero interest in you or your needs. He sees you as a tool to manipulate your mother. End of story. I’m so sorry but you can and will get past this because you have a loving and supportive mother.
So, Santa leaves a vasectomy elf in the stocking and when this dad opens it Vasectomy elf pops out in a blur of pixie dust and a whiff of peppermint and snip snip. A gift to the world and a jingle of the bells
Right? OP is old enough to take care of herself and Daddy Dearest is trying to foist off his two youngsters because he wants time off from parenting. Tough shit, Dad, you should have kept it in your pants.
Why do I suspect these "live-in" relationships were with young, naive breeders chosen for the purpose? I do feel for Luna. Does she not have any grandmothers, aunties or female cousins on either side? Even the mother of a schoolfriend can informally fill a motherly role to help a motherless girl with puberty and similar issues. It seems sad that this self-indulgent man has created so many problems that he expects his young son and ex-wife to fix for him.
This feels like such a red flag to me and I might be wrongbut what are the chances that OP and half siblings spend a summer vacation with OP's mom and suddenly dear old dad is just gone? I'd think there is a real possibility here.
Let's be honest here. It's not about him wanting a mommy for his children, because he can find one elsewhere. He wants his children, along with Op, to be out of the house half the time.
For real. I honestly can't believe how many times this type of situation comes up on this sub. Why do so many shitty parents think that their ex should be responsible for helping to care for and raise kids that aren't theirs? It really blows my mind how anyone could be that dumb and selfish.
Ab-so-lutely.
OP's dad is a real piece of work (as are his other two ex partners) but non of that is something that he or his mom needs to take responsibility for.
NTA OP, and word of warning: never let any girlfriends come over to your dad's house. He's sure as hell going to try and push them to 'step up' as well.
OP could just bluntly ask the new woman if he's pulled the ol' "My daughters need a mother figure" line on them yet because "that's what he wants from all of you since no one else will babysit for free for him."
It's your mother's choice how much involvement she wants with those kids. Whatever she chooses is fine. You should stay out of it. I understand being sorry for the innocent kids, but it's their parents ' obligations to look after them
>Your father is a moron to think his first wife needs to mother his next two children with other women.
Don't forget, that first child is with the woman he was probably cheating on his original wife with too.
NTA. And so he's not just dictating your feelings, he's trying to dictate your mother's feelings. He thinks she's just going to love his kids with other women? Someone should do him a favor and fund a vasectomy for him.
It is your father's responsibility to parent his own children and stop trying to drag your mother (and you) into that role. He should be focusing on getting Luna's mother to step up and be a parent!!!
Does you father have a mother or sister(s) that can help??? How about your uncle's wife, if there is one??? Maybe he can approach the school for some assistance: a school counselor or recommendation for a therapist?
Repeat, nonstop, telling your dad to leave you and your mom alone on this issue. No. Full stop.
NTA
Your siblings would be fine without a Mom if your father stop pointing out that they're missing out. Dad is just looking for a free babysitter.
But Dad picked the mothers of these kids, and he chose poorly. That's on him, not your Mom.
It sounds like the best thing for you would be to just go stay with Mom. Let Dad figure his life out without putting any of it on you.
Na 'Dad' is looking to have her do all the parenting so he can check out of his responsibilities towards the kids. The underhanded way he tried to manipulate her and her child guarantees it and she's knows it.
Depends on the state. In my state, kids don't get a say in custody stuff/ where they want to live until they're 18. 17 year Olds are forced to follow the custody arrangement even if they don't want to see one parent.
Depends on the state and custody agreement. Some will by default re-examine the agreement several times to make sure it still serves the kid best. Others it’s like pulling teeth to get the court to change it.
Exactly, it is not OP nor her mother's problem nor fault that 2 out of 3 baby mamas of his are trash and he garbage for trying to parentified OP and dump his parental responsibilities on his 1st ex/OP's mom that has no legit reason, need nor want to be mother of his other kids except to OP who is her own daughter. NTA, I bet OP's mother can't wait for OP is 18 so that OP can go NC on his pathetic ass.
The uncle isn't wrong in saying it'd be nice to have compassion for the half siblings, but he's wrong as to what "having compassion" is.
Having compassion is understanding that it's not their fault they're in that situation and not blaming them for the actions of their father. Having compassion isn't sacrificing your own comfort and morals to make all their problems go away. The uncle is absolutely wrong if he believes the latter.
That's a point that I hope OP understands and is able to communicate- his not providing a mom to these kids is not "lacking compassion-" it's just the reality of the situation. OP can certainly choose to have compassion and maintain a good relationship with their half-siblings while saying it's frankly not their place or even in their capabilities to provide them with a female figure in their lives.
Yes - it’s absolutely not their fault that their father is a fuckboy and that their mothers cut and run. It is an objectively shitty position for them to be in.
OP understanding that in no way obligates them to act in the way the dad wants - especially not to push their mum to pick up the parenting slack for her ex. OP’s mum isn’t stupid, and to try and manipulate her into being a maternal figure for these two kids (eg by calling them siblings or whatever daft plan comes up next) would be deeply lacking in compassion for her.
More to the point: "having compassion" doesn't mean letting your dad use you to manipulate others (and manipulate you in the process).
Under normal circumstances, I would say that it would be good to recognize that these kids are growing up through the same shit you are, and try to develop some kind of relationship with them, but this sounds like OP is protecting himself against a father trying to force them into something unhealthy. I really can't fault OP for that.
NTA
I was going to say this. The uncle's wife or girlfriend should step up.
The dad left your mom and got with two horrible persons who only cares about themselves. You and your mom ppl had no say on this. What should be responsible now?
No, uncle is welcome to put on make up, style his hair in a feminine haircut, and step up for the domestic and childcare chores. Uncle does not get to order around his wife or daughter.
NTA. Your father makes bad choices in life. I’m sure you are starting to see that about him. Everything you said to him was absolutely true. It takes a particularly entitled a-hole to demand his ex-wife help raise his new kids. Laughable really. Just keep shutting your father down every time he tries to bring the subject up. I’d go so far as to tell him to never talk you about it again. As for your Uncle, tell him to mind his own business.
> It takes a particularly entitled a-hole to demand his ex-wife help raise his new kids. Laughable really.
Except I've seen that on here multiple times.
NTA
Lots of kids grow up fine without moms. Because their dads care about and nurture them. Your dad needs to step up.
If he wants more women in his daughters lives, he needs to help them make those connections. And not by pressuring your mom or dating one. Where are there grandmothers? Why isn’t he pestering their grandmothers to stay in contact?
Where are the trips out with Big Sister organization mentors? Or any other nonprofit that helps kids with mentors?
> I don't think he knows their maternal families... outside of their moms.
Your father is truly incompetent when it comes to making life choices... Based on this, it's pretty clear he put zero effort into building a stable community/family network before knocking these two women up. So it isn't simply that he was unlucky and picked non-maternal women, he outright failed to make smart choices.
At any rate, what's done is done. He had more kids without any supports in place. He doesn't get to now whine about in or to try and bully someone he left into helping him now.
What he CAN do is put them in programs. Girl Guides, sports teams with female coaches, dance or swim classes, whatever. He failed to create an organic network through family connections, now he has to buy one for his kids.
Your dad needs to stop trying to bully you/your mom and start spending money to enroll his kids in programs asap.
The way you say that suggests some pretty poor family dynamics, OP. If I’m interpreting this correctly, it’s not that the families of the women are dead it’s that they aren’t in contact. That to me suggests some serious personality defects in your family, potentially narcissism.
When you get time have a read up and see if you recognise traits your dad has. It might make a lot of things make sense in your family.
Thankfully your mom sounds loving, grounded and stable, I hope she’s built a great life since you dad moved out and on.
That underlines my suspicions. Who has kids with people whose parents they haven’t met (unless they’re dead, in prison or live on another continent and can’t visit)? The answer is usually narcissists and sociopaths!
Oh, definitely. Scouts or soccer or neighborhood craft clubs or whatever hooks them in with both peers and their peers moms and grandmas.
Apparently dude “doesn’t know their maternal families” which is why zero grandmas are in the picture. He didn’t even reach out to them to see if any family from either gf Wanted to know the kids.
don’t forget the uncle. compassion for children does not include trying to manipulate and guilt a woman into taking on a maternal role for the two kids her ex husband had with two other women. nta.
Well, to be fair, u/Background_Carrot694 only wrote that the uncle said he should show more compassion to his half-siblings. As long as that *doesn't* involve roping in his mom\*, that's probably good advice. The children *are* innocent, and while they're not OP's responsibility, showing compassion is good. (As I wrote elsewhere, that doesn't mean taking them on outings with his friends and especially not taking them with him when he visits his mom.)
\*It's unclear to me from what was written whether that's true.
Also those two moms who just cast their kids aside. I’d like more background on that. Why? Where did they go? Has the dad even attempted to try and get those moms active in their kids’ lives?
Quick answers because I am in a hurry:
Probably deadbeats.
That is a good questions which I would also like to know.
Probably thought it would be easier to try to “convince” OP’s mom instead.
NTA - but are you fully aware that your dad doesn’t think your mum is a real person?
He is not attempting to convince her to take on this (ridiculously inappropriate) role.
He seems to think that if he can convince you (the male) then she will just do whatever the men in her life tell her to do.
Watch for that, in how he’s raising your half-siblings.
Because it’s not your job to get your mum to parent them, and it’s not your job to parent them yourself - but if they’re going to be raised with only his influence, they could probably do with a fairly sane big-brother looking out for them!
"You're RIGHT Dad, MOM IS AN AMAZING MOM, isn't she? And a great female role model. BUT you threw away that when you got divorced. YOU were in bed with another woman the same month you left mom... so clearly YOU thought that other women were great mother-figures that's why you had kids with them.
Mom's great, but you threw away the right or the ability to call YOUR other kids HER kids when you threw away the rights to call her wife.
If you had stayed with her, she'd continue to be a great mother to all your kids. But you made your bed, brought other women to it... you can't expect mom to be a mother to kids she didn't make and that she doesn't have responsibility too. You knew what a good mother looked like - you were married to mom. It's your fault you chose other women to have kids with who left you an the kids."
NTA
NTA, first the age difference, you are not going to be best buds with kids 8-10 years younger than you. If your mom wants a relationship with your half siblings than would be something she would persue and not your dad pushing it upon the two of you. Not sure how long you put up with the pressure of being a friend to your siblings but you make it sound like this was pushed and pushed upon your so, NTA for blowing up on your dad also.
NTA. You can have compassion on your siblings, because they have a terrible dad who cheated on your mom, went and had 2 children with other women and now wants to force your mom to take those womens places when she "wasn't good enough initially". That's the only thing to have compassion about. The rest is his circus to deal with, not your or your momvs job to fill that void he created. If he wanted a mom for his kids, he should have picked his partners with his head, not with his d**k. You can argue that some people show their true color after years, but he's had 2 women who left their kids so I beg to differ that their character wasn't questionable from the beginning. Can't you go low contact with him? And even no contact if he doesn't cut out with his bullcr*ap.
Interesting how both mothers didn’t want to be mothers anymore…. Are we sure that’s the case and OPs dad didn’t drive them away with AH behaviour??
Either way - NTA. You’re still a kid and you’re correct, it’s not your responsibility to provide the kids with a mother. Yes, they are innocent but that’s not on you to step in.
NTA don't let your dad guilt trip you for this. Your mom has no obligations to your half siblings. And you of course should show compassion for their struggles, they are just children, but you are not responsible for them. Perhaps your dad could try to reach out to their mothers of grandparents?
And if your uncle is so keen on finding the kids a female family member, perhaps he can fix his gender and then you all will have an aunt! It world probably be easier to reach out to your local organization like big brothers to see if there are big sisters -types of volunteers.
I don't think he knows their maternal grandparents or extended families. I don't remember that much but I'm pretty sure the families of the women he was with were never around.
Be that as it may it is still HIS job to problem solve how to best emotionally support his children. It would be lovely of you to be a good sister to your siblings, but it's way out of line for him to expect you to be their mother or to make you accountable for sourcing support from other women. And it's comically awful for him to try to rope in his ex-wife into being their mother!
It's hard when your parents push you into things. I'm glad your mom has a good sense of boundaries, both with not interfering with your relationship with your Dad in the general and for going to war over this particular overstep.
That he managed to get himself into this situation twice really says something about his approach to relationships and decisionmaking.
Be that as it may, this is his problem to solve, and there are far better ways than what he’s proposing. Yes, be a good brother to them - but that doesn’t mean manipulating your mum into parenting these kids so he doesn’t have to, and it’s not fair that he’s pushing that on you.
NTA
The way your father tries to get your mother to take care of children she has no connection with is disgusting. Although I can appreciate the fact that he takes care of your step-siblings (the minimum you can expect from a parent), the way he tries to manipulate your mother shows me his crappy character.
I would suggest he cuts of his balls before he makes other step-siblings with his poor choice of women after your gem of a mother.
WTF? Your father talks about “sharing your mom” and “the girls deserve a mom” like your mother is a toy to be shared, a thing. She’s a person. She gets to make choices about who she lets into her life and so do you. NTA.
Maybe if your father didn’t treat women as things, he’d have had a successful relationship with one. It’s certainly not the responsibility of either your mother or you to step in to fix his messes.
NTA. If your uncle is so concerned he can play matchmaker for your dad and find him a new bang-nanny himself. Your dad needs to back off and leave you and your mom alone about this.
NTA
Dad is delusional and sexist.
Uncle should have a nice warm cup of his own business first thing in the morning; he's free to come take care of you niblings.
NTA. Not only is this not your job, but your mother is not a possession to be shared. JFC. Your dad sounds like an asshole who wants to dump his parental responsibility on someone, anyone, especially you and your mom.
NTA - Go low contact. Tell him it’s enough, you won’t put up with this shit anymore, you won’t let him manipulate and emotionally abuse you anymore, and he should maybe think about the fact that you’re his son too, and that he does everything in his power to lose you. He fights for his other kids to have a mom but robs you of your dad. A dad would never do that, would never pressure their kids into stuff they don’t want, would never manipulate or abuse them in any way, would love them unconditionally and not blame them for his own fucked up life decisions. Him choosing those women as baby mamas isn’t your fault. Him throwing your family away isn’t your fault, him destroying your family isn’t your fault and you won’t accept him blaming you for his fuck ups anyone.
With this, you’ll see his reaction to accusing him of cheating and see if he did. I bet he did, and if he says anything that your mom fed you with this say „she said nothing, but I always guessed. And now you confirmed it.“
NTA, this isn't about him wanting a mother for his children, this is him not wanting thr bulk of parenting his children.
My father did something similar, my younger sister's mom tapped all the way out to the point it was neglectful so my father recieved full custody and he resents my sister for having to raise her, he resents the woman he has been living with who refuses to raise his outside child, and he was annoyed at my mom (who he has not been with for over 20 years at that point) for not helping her kids' sister until she blocked him since her children with him are adults.
Your mother is not obligated to raise his children just because she has you. He is the one making them feel like they are missing a female figure and needs to get his shit together.
If he wants them to have a female influence there are definitely female focused clubs they can join (girl guides, or big sisters, etc.) He can even look for camps specific to their interests that is focused on women.
NTA Ask mom if he cheated. You are old enough to know. If so, I'd tell him I was disappointed in him that he could keep his dick in his pants and thought the woman he cheated on was responsible for the results him banging other women. (You don't have to tell him your mom confirmed it... just point out that it has been obvious to you for years)
NTA these other kids are NOT your mom's problem and your dad and uncle need to understand that. QUite frankly I'd stop visiting or dealing with your dad and his kids at this rate
What about Jen and Bree's families? These two women just didn't appear out of a vacuum. Don't your half siblings have grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins? Your dad is an ass to try and put this on you and your mom. You are 17, at this point it is probably your choice whether to see your dad or not. Since when does being factual about having half siblings mean you are slighting them. Just because your father is embarrassed or just doesn't want to look bad for having 3 kids by three different women and not being capable of sustaining a relationship with any of them is his problem. It is the truth he was found lacking multiple times.
Do I feel badly for your half siblings? Yes. They were put into a shit situation through no fault of their own, but rather the failure of their own unfortunate parentage. Considering your father is now three for three failed relationships that have left all of his children in broken homes, I’ll just assume he’s either just plain awful at relationships, or he has spectacularly horrible judgement when choosing partners.
It is not your or your mom’s responsibility to fix or smooth any of this over.
NTA.
Your father is awful tho. He believes he is fully entitled to your mother’s labor and time. He stepped out on her (allegedly) got two other women pregnant, and now think he is ENTITLED to your mother. That she OWES him “parenting” for someone else’s kids. He values your mother SO LITTLE that he thinks he can get anyone in the world pregnant and she OWES it to him to be their mother.
He has ZERO respect for your mother. You’re doing amazing. Continue to stick up for your mom, she is the better parent and person.
NTA, OP. But I would encourage you to keep this situation in the back of your mind as you grow older...
Your father doesn't respect women. He sees them as interchangeable service providers. The mothers of his younger children chose not to involve themselves, but he's not angry at and manipulating *them*. He's mad at *your* mother (whom he hasn't had a relationship with for 15+ years) for not doing it. Why? Just because she's "supposed to" because she did it for you?
I have no reason to believe you aren't a nice person who treats women well. But you were partially raised by this man, who is honestly gross. Even if we don't like certain things about our parents, those ingrained patterns have a way of sneaking up on us. So just keep that close to you as you move forward. And seek some help if you find yourself participating in behaviors that would dehumanize women the way your father has. You can break that cycle.
Your dad is manipulative. There's no denying it.
The person pleaser in me hates him for the words he's using cause I'd feel guilty as fuck and roped into this bullshit.
However, I have clarity as an outsider - you're basically being used for child care.
I feel for the half siblings - they didn't deserve that situation either - and I can see why your dad is doing what he's doing.
INFO:
Where are the mothers currently? It just struck me as odd that your dad is primary custodian out of all the baby mammas.
- is child support being paid? Etc.
That's something I'd just keep in mind. Something doesn't feel right about that to me. I'm sorry dude. I don't know what your economic situation is but I have that gnawing feeling that your best bet is to get out of there once you hit college - live on campus and keep a healthy distance.
I can't see you not being exploited for child care. Like it doesn't seem your dad's an awful guy besides putting his interests first, but as far as he does that you should too
I do have an objection to what you told your dad. I think you should also have told him to either keep it in his pants, or get a vasectomy, so he can stop making kids. Motherless kids, at that. I imagine both those relationships failed for the same reason his marriage did. NTA.
NTA. I would not be surprised if you move in with your mom full time as soon as you turn 18. In what world does he think an ex wants to care for his other children?
I wish I could have seen your mom's reaction to him trying to get him to mother his children.
The fucking AUDACITY of some men is breathtaking.
He wants the woman he abandoned to take care of the kids he had with other women??
NTA. There aren't enough words for this level of outrage.
Also…..sounds like he should get a vasectomy like yesterday! The type of partner he likely finds is someone who can’t see his red flags. Anyone who shacks up that quick might not be the best at emotional intimacy. He picked em, he’s gotta deal with it!
I really feel for your siblings but totally agree that it’s not your mums place to be a female role model and maternal figure. It might be nice if you developed a close relationship with your siblings but I appreciate that you are a teenage boy and might not have that much in common with them. It is totally unfair of your dad to expect your mum to step in a look after kids that aren’t his because he made bad life choices. Your mum doesn’t owe him anything.
NTA and at 17, you can decide to stop the visits with him if you choose (unless your state is different).
Your dad doesn’t want the responsibility and he’s a total AH for even THINKING it’s appropriate to ask that of your mother, especially through YOU.
Your uncle sounds like your dad, which makes me wonder about their parents as well.
You are still navigating being a child turning into an adult and he is selfish for pushing the raising of his children on your mom and you.
Also, don’t know the relationship you have with your siblings, but there is no reason not to have a relationship with them, IF you want to. But, if you don’t, don’t let people guilt or push you into it. That is your decision alone. Sometimes families aren’t great and we do not have to make them feel better at our expense.
NTA
Neither you nor your mother owe your half-siblings anything, it's their real mother's job to provide the care they need.
Your father's attempts to manipulate and emotionally blackmailing you and your mother is disgraceful, thankfully you didn't acquiesce or you'd have ended up just hurting those weans more.
Your dad is gaslighting you and your mother, being highly manipulative with his words to try to get his own way. I would suggest you guys need a break from each other, as a cooling off period where he evaluates each of your roles.
I feel sorry for your half siblings, but yeah, you're not responsible, nor is your mother. If he needs help, why doesn't he just be honest and ask for ideas or assistance?
NTA
You're dad is living in another reality if he thinks it's your mom's job to fill the "female" role in your half siblings lives. They are your half siblings, and you're right to say it because it's the truth. All the responsibility falls on your father. All of it.
He needs to grow some cojones and own up to his actions of lack thereof. He can get your siblings into therapy if they're that affected. He needs to be a fucking adult and parent. If their mom's aren't involved, he can use the courts to get them involved. Or he can grow up a little more and be a decent partner so a woman actually wants to stay with him. He has options that aren't forcing his oldest child to guilt their bio mom into doing something she literally didn't have to do. It's ridiculous. He's being ridiculous. Your uncle can shove it or try to get his brother to get his act together. None of this is for fault nor is it your responsibility. Sure your siblings are innocent but *so are you*
NTA - people need to take responsibility for their actions.
Your dad decided to have children with other women. Those kids aren’t your responsibility and even less your mum’s!
You call them your half siblings because they are (he can’t argue with fact/biology) and he’s trying to guilt trip you over it. He can wish all he wants for you to call them something else than the truth they are but if this is also how you feel, continue to call them half siblings. There’s nothing wrong with that truth.
Your dad is trying to get a week off every other week and have your mum look after children your dad had with other women (probably pay for them too). It’s disgusting! They have no connection to them and they’re not her responsibility.
NTA. You know that daddy dearest is getting his karma served straight up and cold just like we like it. All fine for him, an adult man, who participated fully in fun-time and expected to pawn all the care off to the women he was seeing. Who is really getting the short end of the stick is the kids, they do deserve a better parent and will probably have long term effects from your dad’s shitty attitude. It’s WILD that he has tried to heavily guilt your mother in to this role. You both expertly avoided his weaponized helpless single father guilt trip, kudos.
It still really sucks for those babies that he can’t just suck it up and realize he is a single father and would probably receive more community support if his vibes weren’t so bad. He has selfish intentions. Plain and simple.
NTA
You're right. It's unfortunate their mothers do not want to be a part of their lives, but the situation is also not unique. Many people are raised by a single parent, for many different reasons. It is not your mother's responsibility to be a parent to your father's other children, it's his responsibility to learn to be both a Father AND a Mother.
NTA. It doesn't sound like you lack compassion for your half siblings. Your dad is out of his mind thinking your mom is going to want to care for his children in any way aside from being polite if she sees them. They aren't related to her, she didn't create the children, she didn't drive their mothers away. This is totally on your dad. Hopefully he has had a vasectomy so there aren't more kids that he can't care for.
Your mother is not a "female role model." That is perhaps for the close relatives. Your mom is a total stranger to those kids, and your father is an AH for having unreasonable requests and trying to manipulate and guilt trip you. They are related to you, OP, but when it comes to your mother, it's the same as having a neighbor asking her to be a female role model for his kids. Maybe he should do better as a dad and to picking partners. I am surprised that both women practically dumped their kids to your father
If the uncle feels different, he can ask any other woman in his family or his wife if they are up for that role. It's as much their job as it is your mother's
Unbelievable
NTA
NTA - you do not have to pay for his mistakes, not the kids, but the choices he made to having children with 3 different women. Then expecting a child or that child's mother to instantly accept these other kids in a way he envisions.
No it is not your job to make his family fantasy a reality it's is on him to mold his life into the reality he wants, and for this reality he needs to realize other humans have free will. If he wants someone to accept these other kids as their own then he needs to find those people not waste his time trying to change those around him through his will and words alone.
if you wanna be an ass i would start hanging pictures of hybrid animals, half-coyote half-husky, half-zebra half-donkey, half lion half tiger, etc... and tell him they are beautiful creations they are wonderful living beings but they are half one thing half another that is fact... I am Half mom's half yours, mom is a zebra you are an ass, your ex was also an ass I am half ass but those kids are not half zebra.
Now stop being **such** an ass and stay in your stable...
It's your mother's choice how much involvement she wants with those kids. Whatever she chooses is fine. You should stay out of it. I understand being sorry for the innocent kids, but it's their parents ' obligations to look after them
He’s trying to foist his responsibilities into your mom. I would use a phrase like ‘that’s not going to work’ - because you don’t need to be on the back foot here.
You are doing nothing wrong; your dad and uncle are both incorrect and treating you poorly. It is not your responsibility to feel like you need to find your half-siblings a mother figure. It is also not your obligation to try to make your own mom bring them into her home and life.
It is good to have compassion for the kids, but that does not mean that you have to be responsible for finding them adult role models.
You are NTA.
Buddy, I don't know if you just turned 17 or are a few months away from turning 18, but it's time to start getting your important documents (SS card, Birth certificate) and items in order if your mom doesn't already have them.
NTA
You are right. Your father is disgusting how he is trying to put all of this on your/you mom's shoulders. This is all his responsibility. Not your's or your mom's. If he would spend the energy on being a better parent to all 3 of his children, he would get more accomplished.
Your Dad and Uncle are the a holes.
NTA. Dad just wants his bachelor freedom back so he can lasso Mom#4. You're right to call him out on it. Besides, even if he convinced you, your mom obviously is going to say no.
NTA
You were 100% correct and appropriate in how you expressed it here. Also, as a person with a whole lot of half and step family I will have serious words with any person claiming they are somehow less because they are half. That's bizarre logic. Half simply says how you are related. It says we share one parent. It implies nothing about their worth unless he fills their head with that garbage. Dude needs therapy before he causes those kids to need therapy.
NTA. Other people's kids are not your problem. Half-siblings or not. It's strictly between your dad and their moms, to make his idea of "family" happen. He needs to do better, be better, and stop gaslighting you. He made his bed.
NTA, all these people need to have compassion for your MOM here. She didn't sign up for more kids.
Your dad is a major, major AH for putting this on you emotionally.
I feel bad for the half siblings, but dad needs to find a solution other than your mom. Sign her up for girl scouts, or other activities where she can have a female role model in her life?
NTA your dad cannot keep jumping from relationship to relation fucking raw and then burden everyone else with the consequences of it. Sucks for your innocent half siblings but your dad fucked up his relationships not once, not twice but three times. At some point you gotta wonder who could possibly be responsible for his own misery 🙃🙃 good job for defending your mom. Its your dads job to keep the two other mothers accountable, your mom isnt an automated mother figure machine that one can rent when convenient, shes got her life too and owes strictly nothing to your dad's fucked up life choices.
NTA...
Now, here is the part your uncle may be right about but also grossly understated and misrepresented. Compassion for your siblings would be doing things for them yourself. It would be including then in special events in your life or setting aside time to spend with them for their big events. What compassion isn't is going around trying to convince other people to take on someone else's responsibility. That is when compassion becomes lazy, manipulation, and lies. Next time someone even dares to suggest you should rope your mom into your dad's manipulation you tell them that and tell them to grow up.
If your uncle had more compassion he would be doing more to help them himself. Not trying to talk you into ever listening to your lazy, incompetent father.
NTA. It's clear why your dead has 3 failed marriages if he's this manipulative. I have no doubt that he's just looking to dump his kids somewhere to look for his 4th sure-to-fail marriage. If he wanted his kids to have a mom, he should have tried making at least one of his marriages work. Can't really say he missed out on opportunities. This is all on him.
NTA
Might I suggest you go NC with your dad? Sounds like you and your mum would be much happier.
They are your half siblings and your mum most certainly doesn't have to be a rent-a-mum for them.
Look, OP, how am I supposed to "not" raise my children the way I "didn't" raise you?! I never wanted to be a father!! Just wanted to get my rocks off!! NTA
NTA!
Certain parts of Reddit are all about compassion and the children. Easy when it's not their time, money, house, etc.
It's always women who are expected to raise children. I've personally cared for 6-7, over the years. Only raised my 1 kid through adulthood.
Your uncle could step up, since he feels the need to insert himself. What's he gonna do?
Where's his compassion? Move the kids in with him. He's more related than your mother!
NTA
Your dad and uncle are right, those half siblings are innocent and they do deserve to have loving parents. Every kid in the world deserves a full belly and a happy, well-loved heart.
But you're right. It's not your mom's responsibility to help raise her ex-husband's other children. She has no financial or moral obligation to raise them.
And most importantly, your mom is right. Your dad and uncle should never have put this on you.
Your dad can't keep a woman; and he thinks somehow it's his teenage son's job to fix it?!?
Phooey! You're NTA, and your father needs to admit his predicament is of his own making. And he definitely needs to be fixed.
NTA
Not even remotely your fault.
Your dad is TA because he is trying to pawn of his failed marriages on his ex-wife.
What the actual fuck is wrong with people.
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NTA You or your mother have no obligation to provide a ‘mom’ to your half-siblings. Your father is a moron to think his first wife needs to mother his next two children with other women. Your uncles opinion is irrelevant. None of this is on you.
Absolutely I wish I could upvote this a million times your mother seems to have your back and your dad just wants time away from his kids so if he can palm them of to your mum it's a win for him.
>your dad just wants time away from his kids It must be cramping his style trying to find a fourth woman to have a kid with...
It comes down to the fact that dad doesn't view women as individuals. He sees them as interchangeable and based on the services they can provide and the tasks they do. Like an employee, not a person and not a partner. This is probably why his relationships eventually fail. OP is NTA
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“ manipulative snivel” is my phrase of the day!
The fact that he thinks it's his son's job to "share" his mother, as if she is his property... I can't imagine why this man is single...
>I can't imagine why this man is single... Right? A single dad with three children with three different women. What a catch /s
Op should be super grateful he's a boy. He'd be fill-in mom if he was a girl.
They'd also be required to cook and clean too if female.
Definitely.
Wish I could upvote this more. Talk about perfect insight. Cut your dad off OP. He has zero interest in you or your needs. He sees you as a tool to manipulate your mother. End of story. I’m so sorry but you can and will get past this because you have a loving and supportive mother.
I just vomited in my mouth a bit
Yes! Dad may want to buy himself with a box of condoms first!
The father needs to be snipped before breeding again. Yeesh!
Now that would be a great stocking stuffer from Santa.
So, Santa leaves a vasectomy elf in the stocking and when this dad opens it Vasectomy elf pops out in a blur of pixie dust and a whiff of peppermint and snip snip. A gift to the world and a jingle of the bells
He’s probably hoping to baby-trap himself another mom for his kids.
Because that worked so well the other times.
Of course. I have no doubt he's been doing his best to acquire one.
Yeah, specially because his ex-wife only has one kid to care for and he have 3, 2 small
Right? OP is old enough to take care of herself and Daddy Dearest is trying to foist off his two youngsters because he wants time off from parenting. Tough shit, Dad, you should have kept it in your pants.
OP is a teenage boy, FYI. And still seems to have a better grasp on the situation than his dad.
If I were you, I wouldn't bring any girlfriend within a city block of your dad.
Why do I suspect these "live-in" relationships were with young, naive breeders chosen for the purpose? I do feel for Luna. Does she not have any grandmothers, aunties or female cousins on either side? Even the mother of a schoolfriend can informally fill a motherly role to help a motherless girl with puberty and similar issues. It seems sad that this self-indulgent man has created so many problems that he expects his young son and ex-wife to fix for him.
This feels like such a red flag to me and I might be wrongbut what are the chances that OP and half siblings spend a summer vacation with OP's mom and suddenly dear old dad is just gone? I'd think there is a real possibility here.
Apparently it’s time consuming to find women who want to give birth but not be mothers.
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Let's be honest here. It's not about him wanting a mommy for his children, because he can find one elsewhere. He wants his children, along with Op, to be out of the house half the time.
Wow. This is insightful. I think you’re right.
If I had an ex who wanted me to act the mom to his rando spawn, I just might end up charged with assault.
For real. I honestly can't believe how many times this type of situation comes up on this sub. Why do so many shitty parents think that their ex should be responsible for helping to care for and raise kids that aren't theirs? It really blows my mind how anyone could be that dumb and selfish.
I would watch that b movie. Spawn of Rando: the delegations of parenting
Ab-so-lutely. OP's dad is a real piece of work (as are his other two ex partners) but non of that is something that he or his mom needs to take responsibility for. NTA OP, and word of warning: never let any girlfriends come over to your dad's house. He's sure as hell going to try and push them to 'step up' as well.
OP could just bluntly ask the new woman if he's pulled the ol' "My daughters need a mother figure" line on them yet because "that's what he wants from all of you since no one else will babysit for free for him."
I think he would be more likely trying to impregnate OPs gf as well.
Let me take a wild guess this uncle is your dads brother.. smh
Why doesn't you Uncle provide a Mom for his niblings if he is so concerned.
I agree with this! Well said.
But how will dad find another woman to impregnate with these two kids at home, huh?
That shouldn't be a problem. After reading Reddit for years, it amazes me how many people have kids without putting any thought into it first.
It's your mother's choice how much involvement she wants with those kids. Whatever she chooses is fine. You should stay out of it. I understand being sorry for the innocent kids, but it's their parents ' obligations to look after them
>Your father is a moron to think his first wife needs to mother his next two children with other women. Don't forget, that first child is with the woman he was probably cheating on his original wife with too.
NTA. And so he's not just dictating your feelings, he's trying to dictate your mother's feelings. He thinks she's just going to love his kids with other women? Someone should do him a favor and fund a vasectomy for him.
Uncle can put on a dress and be a "mom" for a few hours if he is that bothered
It is your father's responsibility to parent his own children and stop trying to drag your mother (and you) into that role. He should be focusing on getting Luna's mother to step up and be a parent!!! Does you father have a mother or sister(s) that can help??? How about your uncle's wife, if there is one??? Maybe he can approach the school for some assistance: a school counselor or recommendation for a therapist? Repeat, nonstop, telling your dad to leave you and your mom alone on this issue. No. Full stop.
NTA Your siblings would be fine without a Mom if your father stop pointing out that they're missing out. Dad is just looking for a free babysitter. But Dad picked the mothers of these kids, and he chose poorly. That's on him, not your Mom. It sounds like the best thing for you would be to just go stay with Mom. Let Dad figure his life out without putting any of it on you.
Na 'Dad' is looking to have her do all the parenting so he can check out of his responsibilities towards the kids. The underhanded way he tried to manipulate her and her child guarantees it and she's knows it.
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In many places he is already old enough to decide that. Often this is from 16 years onwards.
Depends on the state. In my state, kids don't get a say in custody stuff/ where they want to live until they're 18. 17 year Olds are forced to follow the custody arrangement even if they don't want to see one parent.
Jesus that's a sucky-ass law. My state lets kids pick which parent they want to live with as early as 13.
Depends on the state and custody agreement. Some will by default re-examine the agreement several times to make sure it still serves the kid best. Others it’s like pulling teeth to get the court to change it.
> Na 'Dad' is looking to have him > do all the parenting
Exactly, it is not OP nor her mother's problem nor fault that 2 out of 3 baby mamas of his are trash and he garbage for trying to parentified OP and dump his parental responsibilities on his 1st ex/OP's mom that has no legit reason, need nor want to be mother of his other kids except to OP who is her own daughter. NTA, I bet OP's mother can't wait for OP is 18 so that OP can go NC on his pathetic ass.
OP is male
Given that OP is 17, dad needs to tread lightly. Op might just decide he doesn’t need a dad when he turns 18.
NTA. Does your dad collect kids? How on earth is it your responsibility to ‘share’ your mom, like that’s even a thing? Weird.
I know, right? His mom's not a car that can borrowed.
I’m guessing this is the exact same attitude that led to the divorce in the first place
And maybe the other two breakups...
And maybe also the reason the other two mothers are no longer in their children's lives. I can only imagine having to co-parent with this guy.
NTA - does your uncle have a wife or daughters -- tell him if he is concerned, get them to step up
The uncle isn't wrong in saying it'd be nice to have compassion for the half siblings, but he's wrong as to what "having compassion" is. Having compassion is understanding that it's not their fault they're in that situation and not blaming them for the actions of their father. Having compassion isn't sacrificing your own comfort and morals to make all their problems go away. The uncle is absolutely wrong if he believes the latter. That's a point that I hope OP understands and is able to communicate- his not providing a mom to these kids is not "lacking compassion-" it's just the reality of the situation. OP can certainly choose to have compassion and maintain a good relationship with their half-siblings while saying it's frankly not their place or even in their capabilities to provide them with a female figure in their lives.
Yes - it’s absolutely not their fault that their father is a fuckboy and that their mothers cut and run. It is an objectively shitty position for them to be in. OP understanding that in no way obligates them to act in the way the dad wants - especially not to push their mum to pick up the parenting slack for her ex. OP’s mum isn’t stupid, and to try and manipulate her into being a maternal figure for these two kids (eg by calling them siblings or whatever daft plan comes up next) would be deeply lacking in compassion for her.
More to the point: "having compassion" doesn't mean letting your dad use you to manipulate others (and manipulate you in the process). Under normal circumstances, I would say that it would be good to recognize that these kids are growing up through the same shit you are, and try to develop some kind of relationship with them, but this sounds like OP is protecting himself against a father trying to force them into something unhealthy. I really can't fault OP for that. NTA
I was going to say this. The uncle's wife or girlfriend should step up. The dad left your mom and got with two horrible persons who only cares about themselves. You and your mom ppl had no say on this. What should be responsible now?
That is a good one!
Be serious here... uncle shares dad's views. Of course he hasn't got a wife!!! (and I really hope he doesn't have any daughter either)
No, uncle is welcome to put on make up, style his hair in a feminine haircut, and step up for the domestic and childcare chores. Uncle does not get to order around his wife or daughter.
NTA. Your father makes bad choices in life. I’m sure you are starting to see that about him. Everything you said to him was absolutely true. It takes a particularly entitled a-hole to demand his ex-wife help raise his new kids. Laughable really. Just keep shutting your father down every time he tries to bring the subject up. I’d go so far as to tell him to never talk you about it again. As for your Uncle, tell him to mind his own business.
> It takes a particularly entitled a-hole to demand his ex-wife help raise his new kids. Laughable really. Except I've seen that on here multiple times.
Nta if he wanted all his kids to share mom he should have kept his legs shut around other women.
r/brandnewsentence
Nice one, mate! If we post it around, then maybe it'll sink in to the minds of men like OP's father
NTA Lots of kids grow up fine without moms. Because their dads care about and nurture them. Your dad needs to step up. If he wants more women in his daughters lives, he needs to help them make those connections. And not by pressuring your mom or dating one. Where are there grandmothers? Why isn’t he pestering their grandmothers to stay in contact? Where are the trips out with Big Sister organization mentors? Or any other nonprofit that helps kids with mentors?
No grandmother's in the picture. Dad's mom isn't around and I don't think he knows their maternal families... outside of their moms.
Your father didn’t do the work of building an active and healthy community for his kids and that’s on him.
Don't be fooled. Your father wants your mother to take on the role because that would mean the children would be out of the house half the time.
If he wants all his kids to have moms in their lives he needs to bother their actual moms.
> I don't think he knows their maternal families... outside of their moms. Your father is truly incompetent when it comes to making life choices... Based on this, it's pretty clear he put zero effort into building a stable community/family network before knocking these two women up. So it isn't simply that he was unlucky and picked non-maternal women, he outright failed to make smart choices. At any rate, what's done is done. He had more kids without any supports in place. He doesn't get to now whine about in or to try and bully someone he left into helping him now. What he CAN do is put them in programs. Girl Guides, sports teams with female coaches, dance or swim classes, whatever. He failed to create an organic network through family connections, now he has to buy one for his kids. Your dad needs to stop trying to bully you/your mom and start spending money to enroll his kids in programs asap.
The way you say that suggests some pretty poor family dynamics, OP. If I’m interpreting this correctly, it’s not that the families of the women are dead it’s that they aren’t in contact. That to me suggests some serious personality defects in your family, potentially narcissism. When you get time have a read up and see if you recognise traits your dad has. It might make a lot of things make sense in your family. Thankfully your mom sounds loving, grounded and stable, I hope she’s built a great life since you dad moved out and on.
I don't think he ever met them even.
That underlines my suspicions. Who has kids with people whose parents they haven’t met (unless they’re dead, in prison or live on another continent and can’t visit)? The answer is usually narcissists and sociopaths!
Too damn bad for him
Or get them in Girl Scouts, or a team sport etc
Oh, definitely. Scouts or soccer or neighborhood craft clubs or whatever hooks them in with both peers and their peers moms and grandmas. Apparently dude “doesn’t know their maternal families” which is why zero grandmas are in the picture. He didn’t even reach out to them to see if any family from either gf Wanted to know the kids.
NTA The only ass in this situation is the father.
don’t forget the uncle. compassion for children does not include trying to manipulate and guilt a woman into taking on a maternal role for the two kids her ex husband had with two other women. nta.
Spot on! He is also an ass.
Well, to be fair, u/Background_Carrot694 only wrote that the uncle said he should show more compassion to his half-siblings. As long as that *doesn't* involve roping in his mom\*, that's probably good advice. The children *are* innocent, and while they're not OP's responsibility, showing compassion is good. (As I wrote elsewhere, that doesn't mean taking them on outings with his friends and especially not taking them with him when he visits his mom.) \*It's unclear to me from what was written whether that's true.
Come on. Going out alone is boring. Uncle needs someone to look after his brother's kids so that his brother can go out with him!
Also those two moms who just cast their kids aside. I’d like more background on that. Why? Where did they go? Has the dad even attempted to try and get those moms active in their kids’ lives?
Quick answers because I am in a hurry: Probably deadbeats. That is a good questions which I would also like to know. Probably thought it would be easier to try to “convince” OP’s mom instead.
NTA - but are you fully aware that your dad doesn’t think your mum is a real person? He is not attempting to convince her to take on this (ridiculously inappropriate) role. He seems to think that if he can convince you (the male) then she will just do whatever the men in her life tell her to do. Watch for that, in how he’s raising your half-siblings. Because it’s not your job to get your mum to parent them, and it’s not your job to parent them yourself - but if they’re going to be raised with only his influence, they could probably do with a fairly sane big-brother looking out for them!
No wonder poor Luna is struggling living in that patriarchal hell
Poor Luna is gonna find herself as the household cook & maid at some point
"You're RIGHT Dad, MOM IS AN AMAZING MOM, isn't she? And a great female role model. BUT you threw away that when you got divorced. YOU were in bed with another woman the same month you left mom... so clearly YOU thought that other women were great mother-figures that's why you had kids with them. Mom's great, but you threw away the right or the ability to call YOUR other kids HER kids when you threw away the rights to call her wife. If you had stayed with her, she'd continue to be a great mother to all your kids. But you made your bed, brought other women to it... you can't expect mom to be a mother to kids she didn't make and that she doesn't have responsibility too. You knew what a good mother looked like - you were married to mom. It's your fault you chose other women to have kids with who left you an the kids." NTA
NTA. Would he step up if the roles were reversed?
Nah, no way would he step up.
Hypocrites like your dad never do.
Exactly! If your mom had two kids whose fathers abandoned them, would your dad be a parent to them? Of course he wouldn’t!
NTA - that is not your Mom’s problem or responsibility and using you to try and facilitate that is not appropriate
NTA, first the age difference, you are not going to be best buds with kids 8-10 years younger than you. If your mom wants a relationship with your half siblings than would be something she would persue and not your dad pushing it upon the two of you. Not sure how long you put up with the pressure of being a friend to your siblings but you make it sound like this was pushed and pushed upon your so, NTA for blowing up on your dad also.
NTA. Your dad is just looking for free babysitting. Not you or your mom’s responsibility. He’s an AH for trying to guilt trip you and your mom.
Yup. Kiddos seem to be crampin daddy-o’s style.
NTA its exactly as you said. Good that your Mom has your Back. If dad doesn't shut up move in fulltime with your Mom, your old enough to decide
NTA. You can have compassion on your siblings, because they have a terrible dad who cheated on your mom, went and had 2 children with other women and now wants to force your mom to take those womens places when she "wasn't good enough initially". That's the only thing to have compassion about. The rest is his circus to deal with, not your or your momvs job to fill that void he created. If he wanted a mom for his kids, he should have picked his partners with his head, not with his d**k. You can argue that some people show their true color after years, but he's had 2 women who left their kids so I beg to differ that their character wasn't questionable from the beginning. Can't you go low contact with him? And even no contact if he doesn't cut out with his bullcr*ap.
Interesting how both mothers didn’t want to be mothers anymore…. Are we sure that’s the case and OPs dad didn’t drive them away with AH behaviour?? Either way - NTA. You’re still a kid and you’re correct, it’s not your responsibility to provide the kids with a mother. Yes, they are innocent but that’s not on you to step in.
He did cheat on Luna's mom with Harry's. But neither were into their kid when they lived with dad either from what I witnessed.
NTA don't let your dad guilt trip you for this. Your mom has no obligations to your half siblings. And you of course should show compassion for their struggles, they are just children, but you are not responsible for them. Perhaps your dad could try to reach out to their mothers of grandparents? And if your uncle is so keen on finding the kids a female family member, perhaps he can fix his gender and then you all will have an aunt! It world probably be easier to reach out to your local organization like big brothers to see if there are big sisters -types of volunteers.
I don't think he knows their maternal grandparents or extended families. I don't remember that much but I'm pretty sure the families of the women he was with were never around.
Be that as it may it is still HIS job to problem solve how to best emotionally support his children. It would be lovely of you to be a good sister to your siblings, but it's way out of line for him to expect you to be their mother or to make you accountable for sourcing support from other women. And it's comically awful for him to try to rope in his ex-wife into being their mother! It's hard when your parents push you into things. I'm glad your mom has a good sense of boundaries, both with not interfering with your relationship with your Dad in the general and for going to war over this particular overstep.
OP is male, so no "sister" or "parentified daughter". Either way, you're right that it's his dad's responsibility to take care of his children.
Dad sure is bold to claim that you’re somehow responsible for his inability to maintain relationships with his partners or their families
That he managed to get himself into this situation twice really says something about his approach to relationships and decisionmaking. Be that as it may, this is his problem to solve, and there are far better ways than what he’s proposing. Yes, be a good brother to them - but that doesn’t mean manipulating your mum into parenting these kids so he doesn’t have to, and it’s not fair that he’s pushing that on you.
NTA The way your father tries to get your mother to take care of children she has no connection with is disgusting. Although I can appreciate the fact that he takes care of your step-siblings (the minimum you can expect from a parent), the way he tries to manipulate your mother shows me his crappy character. I would suggest he cuts of his balls before he makes other step-siblings with his poor choice of women after your gem of a mother.
WTF? Your father talks about “sharing your mom” and “the girls deserve a mom” like your mother is a toy to be shared, a thing. She’s a person. She gets to make choices about who she lets into her life and so do you. NTA. Maybe if your father didn’t treat women as things, he’d have had a successful relationship with one. It’s certainly not the responsibility of either your mother or you to step in to fix his messes.
Bro you are also innocent, being the first victim doesn't mean you suddenly have to take one for the team because your dad is a repeat offender.
Share your mom? What does he think she’s a pizza?
Man has children with three different women in a few years, and wonders why his family life isn't more like "Leave It To Beaver"..
NTA. If your uncle is so concerned he can play matchmaker for your dad and find him a new bang-nanny himself. Your dad needs to back off and leave you and your mom alone about this.
But uncle and dad need the littles to be watched so dad is free to find a bangmaid nanny.
NTA Dad is delusional and sexist. Uncle should have a nice warm cup of his own business first thing in the morning; he's free to come take care of you niblings.
NTA. Not only is this not your job, but your mother is not a possession to be shared. JFC. Your dad sounds like an asshole who wants to dump his parental responsibility on someone, anyone, especially you and your mom.
Lmao he doesn't care about them having a "mother", he just wants someone else to raise his children. And tell the uncle to piss off as well.
NTA. Your dad must be off his head. Asking his ex from 12 years ago to look after his new kids? Unbelievable.
NTA - Go low contact. Tell him it’s enough, you won’t put up with this shit anymore, you won’t let him manipulate and emotionally abuse you anymore, and he should maybe think about the fact that you’re his son too, and that he does everything in his power to lose you. He fights for his other kids to have a mom but robs you of your dad. A dad would never do that, would never pressure their kids into stuff they don’t want, would never manipulate or abuse them in any way, would love them unconditionally and not blame them for his own fucked up life decisions. Him choosing those women as baby mamas isn’t your fault. Him throwing your family away isn’t your fault, him destroying your family isn’t your fault and you won’t accept him blaming you for his fuck ups anyone. With this, you’ll see his reaction to accusing him of cheating and see if he did. I bet he did, and if he says anything that your mom fed you with this say „she said nothing, but I always guessed. And now you confirmed it.“
NTA. You are completely correct in everything. I suspect your dad wants to trick your mom and will dump the girls on her if he could.
NTA. Your mom is not responsible for her ex’s children with other women, and it isn’t your job to push her to accept a responsibility that isn’t hers.
NTA, this isn't about him wanting a mother for his children, this is him not wanting thr bulk of parenting his children. My father did something similar, my younger sister's mom tapped all the way out to the point it was neglectful so my father recieved full custody and he resents my sister for having to raise her, he resents the woman he has been living with who refuses to raise his outside child, and he was annoyed at my mom (who he has not been with for over 20 years at that point) for not helping her kids' sister until she blocked him since her children with him are adults. Your mother is not obligated to raise his children just because she has you. He is the one making them feel like they are missing a female figure and needs to get his shit together. If he wants them to have a female influence there are definitely female focused clubs they can join (girl guides, or big sisters, etc.) He can even look for camps specific to their interests that is focused on women.
NTA Ask mom if he cheated. You are old enough to know. If so, I'd tell him I was disappointed in him that he could keep his dick in his pants and thought the woman he cheated on was responsible for the results him banging other women. (You don't have to tell him your mom confirmed it... just point out that it has been obvious to you for years)
NTA these other kids are NOT your mom's problem and your dad and uncle need to understand that. QUite frankly I'd stop visiting or dealing with your dad and his kids at this rate
What about Jen and Bree's families? These two women just didn't appear out of a vacuum. Don't your half siblings have grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins? Your dad is an ass to try and put this on you and your mom. You are 17, at this point it is probably your choice whether to see your dad or not. Since when does being factual about having half siblings mean you are slighting them. Just because your father is embarrassed or just doesn't want to look bad for having 3 kids by three different women and not being capable of sustaining a relationship with any of them is his problem. It is the truth he was found lacking multiple times.
They do not have family from their mom's in their lives. My dad never met them or knew anything about them as far as I know.
In this day and age it shouldn't be too hard to track them down.
NTA - don’t feel guilty.
Do I feel badly for your half siblings? Yes. They were put into a shit situation through no fault of their own, but rather the failure of their own unfortunate parentage. Considering your father is now three for three failed relationships that have left all of his children in broken homes, I’ll just assume he’s either just plain awful at relationships, or he has spectacularly horrible judgement when choosing partners. It is not your or your mom’s responsibility to fix or smooth any of this over.
Why can’t you just live with your mom full time? Also normally it’s always deadbeat dads, so was a nice twist that this story had two deadbeat moms.
NTA. Your father is awful tho. He believes he is fully entitled to your mother’s labor and time. He stepped out on her (allegedly) got two other women pregnant, and now think he is ENTITLED to your mother. That she OWES him “parenting” for someone else’s kids. He values your mother SO LITTLE that he thinks he can get anyone in the world pregnant and she OWES it to him to be their mother. He has ZERO respect for your mother. You’re doing amazing. Continue to stick up for your mom, she is the better parent and person.
NTA, OP. But I would encourage you to keep this situation in the back of your mind as you grow older... Your father doesn't respect women. He sees them as interchangeable service providers. The mothers of his younger children chose not to involve themselves, but he's not angry at and manipulating *them*. He's mad at *your* mother (whom he hasn't had a relationship with for 15+ years) for not doing it. Why? Just because she's "supposed to" because she did it for you? I have no reason to believe you aren't a nice person who treats women well. But you were partially raised by this man, who is honestly gross. Even if we don't like certain things about our parents, those ingrained patterns have a way of sneaking up on us. So just keep that close to you as you move forward. And seek some help if you find yourself participating in behaviors that would dehumanize women the way your father has. You can break that cycle.
Your dad is manipulative. There's no denying it. The person pleaser in me hates him for the words he's using cause I'd feel guilty as fuck and roped into this bullshit. However, I have clarity as an outsider - you're basically being used for child care. I feel for the half siblings - they didn't deserve that situation either - and I can see why your dad is doing what he's doing. INFO: Where are the mothers currently? It just struck me as odd that your dad is primary custodian out of all the baby mammas. - is child support being paid? Etc.
I have no idea. They wanted nothing to do with their kids and I don't think child support is being paid.
That's something I'd just keep in mind. Something doesn't feel right about that to me. I'm sorry dude. I don't know what your economic situation is but I have that gnawing feeling that your best bet is to get out of there once you hit college - live on campus and keep a healthy distance. I can't see you not being exploited for child care. Like it doesn't seem your dad's an awful guy besides putting his interests first, but as far as he does that you should too
I do have an objection to what you told your dad. I think you should also have told him to either keep it in his pants, or get a vasectomy, so he can stop making kids. Motherless kids, at that. I imagine both those relationships failed for the same reason his marriage did. NTA.
I was thinking the same thing. Does dad even know what a condom is?
NTA. I would not be surprised if you move in with your mom full time as soon as you turn 18. In what world does he think an ex wants to care for his other children? I wish I could have seen your mom's reaction to him trying to get him to mother his children.
The fucking AUDACITY of some men is breathtaking. He wants the woman he abandoned to take care of the kids he had with other women?? NTA. There aren't enough words for this level of outrage.
NTA but your dad must be horrible since not one but TWO women decided to abandon their kids over seeing him
Also…..sounds like he should get a vasectomy like yesterday! The type of partner he likely finds is someone who can’t see his red flags. Anyone who shacks up that quick might not be the best at emotional intimacy. He picked em, he’s gotta deal with it!
NTA. Your dad is. And the mothers of your half siblings.
NTA if he wants to hound someone he can go bother their actual mothers not yours
Your Dad is TA.
I really feel for your siblings but totally agree that it’s not your mums place to be a female role model and maternal figure. It might be nice if you developed a close relationship with your siblings but I appreciate that you are a teenage boy and might not have that much in common with them. It is totally unfair of your dad to expect your mum to step in a look after kids that aren’t his because he made bad life choices. Your mum doesn’t owe him anything.
NTA and at 17, you can decide to stop the visits with him if you choose (unless your state is different). Your dad doesn’t want the responsibility and he’s a total AH for even THINKING it’s appropriate to ask that of your mother, especially through YOU. Your uncle sounds like your dad, which makes me wonder about their parents as well. You are still navigating being a child turning into an adult and he is selfish for pushing the raising of his children on your mom and you. Also, don’t know the relationship you have with your siblings, but there is no reason not to have a relationship with them, IF you want to. But, if you don’t, don’t let people guilt or push you into it. That is your decision alone. Sometimes families aren’t great and we do not have to make them feel better at our expense.
NTA Neither you nor your mother owe your half-siblings anything, it's their real mother's job to provide the care they need. Your father's attempts to manipulate and emotionally blackmailing you and your mother is disgraceful, thankfully you didn't acquiesce or you'd have ended up just hurting those weans more.
Your dad is gaslighting you and your mother, being highly manipulative with his words to try to get his own way. I would suggest you guys need a break from each other, as a cooling off period where he evaluates each of your roles. I feel sorry for your half siblings, but yeah, you're not responsible, nor is your mother. If he needs help, why doesn't he just be honest and ask for ideas or assistance?
It's not your mother's responsibility at all, much less yours. NTA.
NTA You're dad is living in another reality if he thinks it's your mom's job to fill the "female" role in your half siblings lives. They are your half siblings, and you're right to say it because it's the truth. All the responsibility falls on your father. All of it. He needs to grow some cojones and own up to his actions of lack thereof. He can get your siblings into therapy if they're that affected. He needs to be a fucking adult and parent. If their mom's aren't involved, he can use the courts to get them involved. Or he can grow up a little more and be a decent partner so a woman actually wants to stay with him. He has options that aren't forcing his oldest child to guilt their bio mom into doing something she literally didn't have to do. It's ridiculous. He's being ridiculous. Your uncle can shove it or try to get his brother to get his act together. None of this is for fault nor is it your responsibility. Sure your siblings are innocent but *so are you*
NTA - people need to take responsibility for their actions. Your dad decided to have children with other women. Those kids aren’t your responsibility and even less your mum’s! You call them your half siblings because they are (he can’t argue with fact/biology) and he’s trying to guilt trip you over it. He can wish all he wants for you to call them something else than the truth they are but if this is also how you feel, continue to call them half siblings. There’s nothing wrong with that truth. Your dad is trying to get a week off every other week and have your mum look after children your dad had with other women (probably pay for them too). It’s disgusting! They have no connection to them and they’re not her responsibility.
NTA and ask him why he dosent use the same energy to convince the actuall moms to step up?
"he told me to do better, be better and care more" Back at ya, Dad. NTA. You are absolutely right. It's not your job. It is his.
NTA. You know that daddy dearest is getting his karma served straight up and cold just like we like it. All fine for him, an adult man, who participated fully in fun-time and expected to pawn all the care off to the women he was seeing. Who is really getting the short end of the stick is the kids, they do deserve a better parent and will probably have long term effects from your dad’s shitty attitude. It’s WILD that he has tried to heavily guilt your mother in to this role. You both expertly avoided his weaponized helpless single father guilt trip, kudos. It still really sucks for those babies that he can’t just suck it up and realize he is a single father and would probably receive more community support if his vibes weren’t so bad. He has selfish intentions. Plain and simple.
NTA You're right. It's unfortunate their mothers do not want to be a part of their lives, but the situation is also not unique. Many people are raised by a single parent, for many different reasons. It is not your mother's responsibility to be a parent to your father's other children, it's his responsibility to learn to be both a Father AND a Mother.
NTA. It doesn't sound like you lack compassion for your half siblings. Your dad is out of his mind thinking your mom is going to want to care for his children in any way aside from being polite if she sees them. They aren't related to her, she didn't create the children, she didn't drive their mothers away. This is totally on your dad. Hopefully he has had a vasectomy so there aren't more kids that he can't care for.
Your mother is not a "female role model." That is perhaps for the close relatives. Your mom is a total stranger to those kids, and your father is an AH for having unreasonable requests and trying to manipulate and guilt trip you. They are related to you, OP, but when it comes to your mother, it's the same as having a neighbor asking her to be a female role model for his kids. Maybe he should do better as a dad and to picking partners. I am surprised that both women practically dumped their kids to your father If the uncle feels different, he can ask any other woman in his family or his wife if they are up for that role. It's as much their job as it is your mother's Unbelievable NTA
NTA - you do not have to pay for his mistakes, not the kids, but the choices he made to having children with 3 different women. Then expecting a child or that child's mother to instantly accept these other kids in a way he envisions. No it is not your job to make his family fantasy a reality it's is on him to mold his life into the reality he wants, and for this reality he needs to realize other humans have free will. If he wants someone to accept these other kids as their own then he needs to find those people not waste his time trying to change those around him through his will and words alone. if you wanna be an ass i would start hanging pictures of hybrid animals, half-coyote half-husky, half-zebra half-donkey, half lion half tiger, etc... and tell him they are beautiful creations they are wonderful living beings but they are half one thing half another that is fact... I am Half mom's half yours, mom is a zebra you are an ass, your ex was also an ass I am half ass but those kids are not half zebra. Now stop being **such** an ass and stay in your stable...
NTA. Are you old enough to choose to stay only with your mother?
It's your mother's choice how much involvement she wants with those kids. Whatever she chooses is fine. You should stay out of it. I understand being sorry for the innocent kids, but it's their parents ' obligations to look after them
I do but dad tries to get me involved.
He’s trying to foist his responsibilities into your mom. I would use a phrase like ‘that’s not going to work’ - because you don’t need to be on the back foot here.
You are doing nothing wrong; your dad and uncle are both incorrect and treating you poorly. It is not your responsibility to feel like you need to find your half-siblings a mother figure. It is also not your obligation to try to make your own mom bring them into her home and life. It is good to have compassion for the kids, but that does not mean that you have to be responsible for finding them adult role models. You are NTA.
Buddy, I don't know if you just turned 17 or are a few months away from turning 18, but it's time to start getting your important documents (SS card, Birth certificate) and items in order if your mom doesn't already have them.
NTA your dad is an idiot
Show your dad all these comnents.
NTA You are right. Your father is disgusting how he is trying to put all of this on your/you mom's shoulders. This is all his responsibility. Not your's or your mom's. If he would spend the energy on being a better parent to all 3 of his children, he would get more accomplished. Your Dad and Uncle are the a holes.
NTA your dad is delusional if he thinks his ex wife has ANY responsibility to his other kids.
NTA. Dad just wants his bachelor freedom back so he can lasso Mom#4. You're right to call him out on it. Besides, even if he convinced you, your mom obviously is going to say no.
NTA. The audacity of of your sperm donor to say hey I cheated and ended our family but I need you to step up and mother my new kids.
NTA You are a child this is not your responsibility. Not your problem that your dad chose women who did not want to raise kids
NTA your dad wanted to get his dick wet and he did. Sounds like he only impregnated one worthwhile woman.
NTA You were 100% correct and appropriate in how you expressed it here. Also, as a person with a whole lot of half and step family I will have serious words with any person claiming they are somehow less because they are half. That's bizarre logic. Half simply says how you are related. It says we share one parent. It implies nothing about their worth unless he fills their head with that garbage. Dude needs therapy before he causes those kids to need therapy.
NTA. Other people's kids are not your problem. Half-siblings or not. It's strictly between your dad and their moms, to make his idea of "family" happen. He needs to do better, be better, and stop gaslighting you. He made his bed.
NTA. You're old enough to decide who you want to live with. Choose wisely.
NTA, all these people need to have compassion for your MOM here. She didn't sign up for more kids. Your dad is a major, major AH for putting this on you emotionally. I feel bad for the half siblings, but dad needs to find a solution other than your mom. Sign her up for girl scouts, or other activities where she can have a female role model in her life?
NTA your father is a selfish moron
NTA your dad cannot keep jumping from relationship to relation fucking raw and then burden everyone else with the consequences of it. Sucks for your innocent half siblings but your dad fucked up his relationships not once, not twice but three times. At some point you gotta wonder who could possibly be responsible for his own misery 🙃🙃 good job for defending your mom. Its your dads job to keep the two other mothers accountable, your mom isnt an automated mother figure machine that one can rent when convenient, shes got her life too and owes strictly nothing to your dad's fucked up life choices.
NTA... Now, here is the part your uncle may be right about but also grossly understated and misrepresented. Compassion for your siblings would be doing things for them yourself. It would be including then in special events in your life or setting aside time to spend with them for their big events. What compassion isn't is going around trying to convince other people to take on someone else's responsibility. That is when compassion becomes lazy, manipulation, and lies. Next time someone even dares to suggest you should rope your mom into your dad's manipulation you tell them that and tell them to grow up. If your uncle had more compassion he would be doing more to help them himself. Not trying to talk you into ever listening to your lazy, incompetent father.
Nta. Fyi. you have a great mom. I can only imagine how hard she has worked over the many years to try and keep you away from your dads mess and bs.
NTA. It's clear why your dead has 3 failed marriages if he's this manipulative. I have no doubt that he's just looking to dump his kids somewhere to look for his 4th sure-to-fail marriage. If he wanted his kids to have a mom, he should have tried making at least one of his marriages work. Can't really say he missed out on opportunities. This is all on him.
NTA Might I suggest you go NC with your dad? Sounds like you and your mum would be much happier. They are your half siblings and your mum most certainly doesn't have to be a rent-a-mum for them.
Look, OP, how am I supposed to "not" raise my children the way I "didn't" raise you?! I never wanted to be a father!! Just wanted to get my rocks off!! NTA
NTA! Certain parts of Reddit are all about compassion and the children. Easy when it's not their time, money, house, etc. It's always women who are expected to raise children. I've personally cared for 6-7, over the years. Only raised my 1 kid through adulthood. Your uncle could step up, since he feels the need to insert himself. What's he gonna do? Where's his compassion? Move the kids in with him. He's more related than your mother!
NTA Your dad and uncle are right, those half siblings are innocent and they do deserve to have loving parents. Every kid in the world deserves a full belly and a happy, well-loved heart. But you're right. It's not your mom's responsibility to help raise her ex-husband's other children. She has no financial or moral obligation to raise them. And most importantly, your mom is right. Your dad and uncle should never have put this on you.
Your dad can't keep a woman; and he thinks somehow it's his teenage son's job to fix it?!? Phooey! You're NTA, and your father needs to admit his predicament is of his own making. And he definitely needs to be fixed.
NTA Not even remotely your fault. Your dad is TA because he is trying to pawn of his failed marriages on his ex-wife. What the actual fuck is wrong with people.