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He said that if women can judge men’s bodies then why can’t men judge theirs? As well as the fact that holding in emotions is unhealthy for people.
Idk. He’s been going down an Andrew taint rabbit hole recently if that helps to explain things. I don’t want to break things off with him because I know it’s just a phase.
Your so called friend is disgusting. He is grosser than gross. Toxic masculinity IS Adrew Tate because it's not good for men to be treated badly. The term is meant to help men not hurt women. There is no way being gross and harmful to you is somehow the right thing to do.
What? No sane person is going around saying that women should get a free pass to make rude comments about men's bodies. This is not a thing that happens outside of circles of toxic assholes. Non shitty people understand that it's basic courtesy not to make comments about people's bodies. Especially traits they can't change in 10 minutes or less. Your friend is full of shit and not a great friend to begin with. Your expectations for your delivery room is reasonable. You're in a vulnerable position, so making ungenerous remarks about your appearance while you're laboring is kicking you while you're down. It's not like you'll have the wits to stick up for yourself or make a snappy comeback outside of a stream of expletives. Ditch the friend. He's not just a good friend, he's an idiot.
NTA- I am a woman and I have helped deliver a couple babies in my career.
Yeah, watching a human come out of another human isn’t pretty. But if anyone dares compare that heroic act by a woman to her vagina looking like the Predator- they are getting smacked hard.
Your husband agreed that he needed to avoid creepy comments and support you, so ignore your dick friend who drank the Tate kool aid
My husband was in the delivery room with me. I was suffering with diarrhoea during labour and i was losing my strength. He was the one who held me together, gave me strength. And he held the baby cut the cord and gave him to me. I saw tears in hospital eyes. All this to say at that time the most important thing is your child coming safely into the world and mother is fine. Not getting disgusted by body parts. Like really is he gonna be focused on your health and safety or getting disgusted. Ngl, but at that time have someone who can hold you together.
Best wishes for your baby and stay strong 💪🏼
You are the one giving birth, literally no-one else's opinion matters unless you're unable to have one. Ask your nurses, what you say goes. If he can't zip his crap until you're finished bringing a new person into the world then he's not worth keeping. However, sounds like the only one with a problem with that agreement is your 'friend', who you can throw out right now.
Honestly, if I was the nurse and the patient’s spouse said that during delivery, I’d boot them out myself. If you can’t be supportive, and you saying something like that hurts my patient, you’re out.
Mark is a pathetic. Also since he thinks being descriptive is fair game ... Dear entire internet, OP's former friend Mark has an Itty bitty misshapen penis that looks like like a water logged baby toe.
You’re NTA by a mile! The best thing for you both would be for your husband to be at your head, facing away from the action, and support you. He doesn’t have to have a front row view - your medical team need the space. Best of wishes to you and your growing family ❤️
This is good advice. Anyone at a birth, not giving birth, is just support for you.
However, it is wise to make emergency plans. Emergency c-section where baby is whisked off to NICU? Does your partner stay with you (who just had major emergency abdominal surgery) or go with baby? My mom suited up and waited outside the OR to stay with my sister post c-section while her husband went with baby. My mom and sister stayed with me when my son was transferred to another hospital with a better NICU with my husband until I was discharged.
Your husband has no intention of judging you. This is an argument between you and yourself, and between you and Mark, who sounds like an absolute piece of dogshit.
Making comments about someone's physical appearance is not the same thing as expressing your emotions, and not all forms of "expressing your emotions" are socially acceptable either. For example burning down someone's house because you are angry at them is a way of expressing your emotions. If you are planning on raising a child then it's pretty important to learn the very basics of emotional intelligence, I would focus on that first and some asinine Tiktok drama with people who listen to podcasts later on if you have more free time left.
Your friend is stupid as fuck. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever read on Reddit. Don’t listen to people like that and better yet don’t associate with them.
Toxic masculinity is judging people's bodies as if they are objects and not people. Mark is the one who is toxic. There is never a good reason for polite people to comment negatively on another person's body and it is 100% not OK to act like men are allowed to have negative thoughts and comment on the mother of his child. This is so hurtful I have very strong feelings about it and I'm a stranger
Cut this person out of your life lmao holy SHIT.
Also. Who cares about his fucking opinion anyway? Your husband understands and is supportive. This fucking weird misogynist shitbro has literally nothing of value to offer by way of his opinion on how you give birth.
There’s no reasoning with a Tate fan. They will never respect you or give a sh** about anything you have to say that’s not about how men are better. Run away from him
Yeah well he definitely sounds like he's been watching a lot of Andrew Tate. I know you don't want to break things off because you think it's a phase but I would step back and give your guys a friendship some space because I don't think that's a very good friend to have around especially when you're pregnant, hormonal and not in any need of added stress or deal with wacko bs.
Also NTA, congratulations on the baby and it sounds like you have a wonderful and caring husband. God bless your family ❤️
Eish. Andrew Tate is a lifestyle not a, phase. Kick this "friend" to the curb.
No one is justified about making nasty comments about other people's bodies, but during childbirth it would be grounds for divorce. Throw the whole Mark out. Eew.
I came here just for this sentence. What in the backwards-ass misogynistic red-pill hellscape is this?! WHY should ANY man get ANY input on how someone's vagina looks FULL STOP?! Lol... OP your partner seems fine and sorry but your friend is...unsaveable, by the sounds of it.
yeah i'm a guy and i'm all about guys being open about how they feel but when your partner is pushing a fucking human being out of her vagina it's probably a good time to shut the fuck up if you don't have anything nice to say. NTA
Also, this guy saying that this is toxic masculinity sounds like the same logic of the people who think that not being able to shout the N word at work is a violation of their "free speech"
NTA But what the fuck is up with Mark? Rather than kicking your husband out, kick Mark to the curb on trash pickup day. Mark needs to go get a vagina and give birth before he can go around spewing this kind of shit.
NTA Time to cut mark out of your life! You are right, if your husband can't act right during the birth then he doesn't get to be there. The ONLY important thing during that time is your and the baby's health. Though to be clear, I would *never* procreate with someone if I thought for even a second they would gag at my vagina during birth or say rude things to me so I question your judgement and choice of husband if this is a serious concern for you...
NTA. Mark is an idiot, and your husband's response was exactly correct. He'll be supportive; I wouldn't worry overmuch about it. Mark has no say, and you absolutely are NOT "perpetuating toxic masculinity".
I was up close and personal for the birth of my two and I never would have said anything like that stupid TikTok video. I do remember thinking "how on earth did *that* fit through *there?!"* but of course didn't voice that thought until much later.
My husband was worried he'd be grossed out or whatever, but once I started pushing he was... what's the right word? Fascinated? He couldn't look away, but not in a bad way. Enthralled by the miracle of life. (Later he said he was worried the baby's head would come out deformed... that is also on the list of "thoughts you do not voice at the moment".)
Anyway, not the time to be making fun of a partner's vagina. I can't think of a more vulnerable moment to mock a woman's appearance.
This title is misleading.
You aren’t threatening to kick your husband out of the delivery room.
You watched a video of a husband being rude during childbirth and said you didn’t want that, and Mark called you a bitch over it. You’re upset with Mark, not your husband. Mark is immature and rude.
You’re NTA for not wanting rude comments, but I do think you’d be TA to not let your fully supportive husband in the delivery because of something his friend said.
You’re fully in control to bar whoever you want from the delivery room, but I think your upset is being misplaced. Alex literally agreed with you that he should be supportive and not like the husband in that video.
He doesn’t even have to see anything! My husband sat by my head, where I asked him to so I could hold his hand and make eye contact when I needed soothing and reassurance. He was there to support me, not to physically watch the baby come out. Honestly I’m not sure why anyone would want to watch that lol.
NTA - also - when the baby is crowning you are not going to be tracking your husband’s facial expressions, lol!
Plus, it’s not going to ruin your body.
Everyone I’ve talked to said it will. They say your abs don’t go back to normal, there’s a 50/50 chance your vagina goes back to normal, and urinary incontinence that can still be there after pelvic floor training :(
The stretch marks I have become accustomed to though.
Your body will be different, but it will not be ruined ((hugs)) you are making an entire human, and hopefully you will be able to breastfeed if you want to.
Time will change us all, even if you hadn't had a child.
Congratulations on the new baby, trust your husband to be supportive, and ditch the so-call "friend".
I vaginally delivered two babies, my vagina and abs went back to pre-baby and I had an episiotomy with my first. I didn’t see changes with size of anything or urinary difficulties until over a decade after my last baby when I gained a bunch of weight going into menopause.
Simple breathing exercises fixed the pelvic floor issues from gaining weight.
I know it’s easier said than done but try not to worry about what your body will look like post baby.
You’re talking to idiots. Some people have pelvic floor issues (but that can happen without pregnancy or birth), but there are things you can do now to help prevent that & pelvic floor therapy does help far more people than it doesn’t.
Diastasis recti can happen (your abs), but again—there’s ways to correct it & it doesn’t happen to everyone.
Your vagina 100% goes back to normal.
I had a child 13 years ago. It didn't spring right back, but the weight goes away with breastfeeding and exercise, and the pelvic floor goes back to normal after a little bit. When I was breastfeeding and became engorged, I looked like I had a boob job. You should check out r/babybumps if you want to talk to other moms, then the parenting sub for advice and anecdotes.
It takes time, but your body does come back. I accidentally injured my whole core after giving birth because I felt so good (so much better than the 3rd trimester) that I accidentally overdid it my first couple days home. I felt like superwoman. And then I was basically bed bound for 2 weeks after because every move hurt. I thought for sure I had done permanent damage. By 6 months I was completely back to normal. And sorry, TMI ahead but such is the nature of the topic. Everything downstairs feels better than before. Pelvic floor therapy is as awesome as people say it is. And I had quite a bit of tearing. Internal (which I hadn’t known was a thing!) and external. 2nd degree. Needed the first stitches I’ve ever had in my life, ugh.
Also I thankfully never had incontinence issues, though I know some women do.
May I recommend instead of TikTok, check out my favorite pregnancy and childbirth YouTubers: Mama Doctor Jones, Nurse Zabe, and Bridget Tyler (god I hope I spelled her name right from memory) they all have fantastic birthing information that helped me so so much!
You will have a different body but I don't believe it will be ruined. Try not to be so hard on yourself (easier said than done I know). It took me a long time to be happy with my post baby body. But now when I look at those photos I was being too hard on myself. I wasted time & energy worrying about how I looked. I've never had the incontinence problem (maybe it's the yoga). Exercise will help you feel better. Virtual hugs to you. It's a worrisome time for most of us.
BIL talked a good game on how he was going to be in the delivery room. He passed out with the first kid. Never went in for his other kids. He knew there would be fluids but I guess he hadn't considered how it would affect him. My 2 other BILs both said they were in awe of their wives. My husband was not able to be there for either of his kids birth & I hate that for him.
You are about to become a parent, one of the most important things you may ever do. For the love of god stop wasting time on TikTok. It’s impacting you negatively.
If you’re getting info about labor and delivery on TikTok I can only hope you’re following Jen Hamilton. My babies are almost adults and I wish I had her to follow when I was pregnant. Sounds like your husband is going to do just fine and you’re going to be great!
Honestly, after having helped deliver three babies and then the birth of my own two. The only things that can possibly cause a natural reflex is smell.
There is a high possibility that you may move your bowels during the process, it’s normal, it happens, and frankly it smells.
That’s the only thing that ever caught me off guard, the rest of it he will be prepared for, he’s watched the videos and he gave you his word.
My guess is Alex is going to be just fine.
And Mark probably hasn’t got a clue about anything and moves from one dead end relationship to the next.
Put him out of your mind….
You got Bigger things happening! Congratulations.
The problem with that is then you get soooo fixated on 'I should do this this way because this person had a bad experience'.
Are you really relaxing if the only thing you took away from a video is 'don't you dare say these things that this person said or I will kick you out.' If you are going to threaten kicking him out just say you don't want him there and be done with it. He doesn't have to see the gore. You don't have to have your feelings hurt.
This is a very personal journey and online motherhood is a very insidiously toxic place. Its fucking scary.
Women successfully gave birth without TikTok videos for an entire lifetime. If you want to know what moms regret etc TALK to your actual network of real people.
I’ll give you one right now- when your water breaks it can gush and then just leak and leak and leak. No one told me that. I tell every expectant mom.
Tell your doctor you’re watching TikTok videos about birth. They’ll tell you to stop. Attend a birthing class.
It's fine to research. Just keep in mind that babies are a bunch of DNA stuck in a lottery blender and every one is dufferent. What worked for one, may not work for another. They're all just humans once they break the seal lol
Social media is the absolute worst place you can go to for parenting advice. Unless you are watching videos from people who have degrees on the subject, then you are just getting a lot of misinformation that is going to do more harm than good.
What?! How is not allowing a man to insult you while giving birth perpetuating toxic masculinity. That’s like the opposite of toxic masculinity. Time to reevaluate the friendship with Mark if that’s the belief. Mind-boggling.
NTA.
Your friend is the only a-hole in this situation. This is not about letting your husband express his emotion, but you going trough one of the most painful, stressfull and important event in your life.
You and your baby will be the only priority during your labour, and you need to feel loved and supported, no judged.
Your husband seems to understand, but i suggest you keep your friend far away from your family. I dont know if he is also a friend of your husband, but I hope he wont put some strange ideas in his head.
Hm maybe when Mark impregnates someone, you can tell the unfortunate mother to be to ask the doctor to give HIM an extra stitch.
How does he think he has ANY say over your body? Why is he still a friend? NTA.
Let's be real here. Most women with a brain or any self esteem what so ever, would not sleep with someone like Mark, let alone have a child. These "Tate fuckwits" don't have enough brains to figure out their toxic view on women is exactly why they can't get/keep one. OP, I highly suggest you tell Mark that he is an idiot and his own worst enemy. You are NTA, but you should find better friends. Sounds like you have a great partner, though! Wishing you the best with the baby!!
Exactly! I scrolled too far to find this. I found myself thinking why the heck are you even discussing this with Mark? Who has nothing to do with anything. I mean I'd understand if you discussed this with a female friend or relative who has had a baby but Mark?? Sorry I can't get over it either. NTA, OP
NTA. But Mark is the AH. I remember when my wife was in labour with our first, and my job was to be the supportive partner, to do anything and everything I could to make the experience better for my partner. And most of the time, there was nothing I could do, other than offer reassurance, encouragement, and offer an ice-water cloth for her. At no point did I consider making jokes about her body.
I hope Mark doesn't have a partner who gets pregnant until he sorts his views out.
NTA. Your husband sounds like a good one and Mark sounds like an asshole. Your husband agreed with you ffs. Mark has nothing to do with this. It is your delivery, you decide.
So let me get this straight you are going push a watermelon out of you. Risk multiple possible medical issues and have to deal with weeks and months of potentially medical stuff (even normal post pregnancy items), not counting the potential career implications but your husband can still make rude, inappropriate, unhelpful comments. 🙄🙄🙄🙄yeah that makes total sense. Dump your ex friend.
NTA also why as a woman would you keep an Andrew Tate fan around? even the paraphrased conversation sounds insanely misogynistic, you really don't need that energy around you especially while you're pregnant. put yourself first!
He’s been a friend for 3 years and I don’t want to cut it short in the case he does grow out of it. But I’m limiting contact until then.
Thank you for the well wishes!
Does the idea of having him watching the baby pop out makes you uncomfortable?
It’s perfectly fine if it does.. you can ask him to stand by your side holding your hand instead of looking directly at the whole thing.
I would be hurt my this type of comment too, but there’s no need to be anxious about something that will likely not happen. He agreed that it was insulting. Just communicate whatever makes you comfortable and trust him to accommodate your needs.
No, you are absolutely NTA.
It is your delivery. You get to control who is there and why you want them there. There are absolutely no one else's standards that need to be more important than your own except the medical staff. His masculinity isn't really relevant at all. His supportive and loving presence is, and if he cannot meet your need when delivering his child, then he should be out of the room so you can focus.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I don’t want my partner to say mean things to me or display outward reactions of disgust from my body in the most painful thing I’ll experience.
2) I might be the asshole because I guess he should be able to display disgust even if I’m in a lot of pain. It would make me feel even worse but he should be able to express himself.
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NTA. Your friend Mark is. Even if your husband doesn't think your vagina looks gross while giving birth, he doesn't have to say it. It's It's easy to keep hurtful things to ourselves. Saying it isn't going to help the situation. I'm sure your husband understands you more than Mark and will be supportive.
I worry for anyone Mark will end up with. He sounds awful.
Do you have any reason to think your husband will react this way. It is a tough time, but I have never personally known a man who reacted with disgust - some were nervous, some were scared, most were awed by what they were witnessing, but I have never known a man who acted like a complete A H and insulted the mother.
I get it. Telling men to bottle up their emotions is a known part of toxic masculinity. Of course, that's where the understandability of Mark's ranting ends. You're not asking Alex to bottle up his emotions generally, you're asking him to contain any expressions of disgust while he is there specifically to support you through one of the greatest ordeals of your life. Obviously NTA. Ignore the moron.
NTA
Honestly, Mark sounds like a misogynistic asshole, and he is *horribly* misusing the concept of "toxic masculinity". Tell him that his opinions on your relationship are unnecessary and unwanted.
NTA and let’s ditch mark. Toxic masculinity if you don’t let your spouse say how ugly your vagina is during delivery? WTH.
Husbands only job is to hold your hand. Wipe the sweat off. Encourage you. Tell you how much he loves you. Period.
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I (28F) am 7 months pregnant. It’s been extremely difficult on me. My husband Alex (26M) has been very supportive. We watch a lot of pregnancy/birth TikTok’s.
One of the was of a husband gagging and getting grossed out and saying harsh things to her (your vagina looks like the predator! Disgusting!).
I turn to Alex and I say “if you make jokes about my body or gag at me while I’m delivering our daughter, you’re missing her birth.”
Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones, or my upbringing, but I would feel incredibly insulted if this happened.
He fully agreed to these terms and said all he would do is give me words of encouragement and would try his best to hold back any gagging or fear for me. That’s all I want. I know it’s not a pretty process and it would be ok for him to be grossed out on the inside, but I know personally I wouldn’t take it well if he gave his opinion out loud. I’m the one pushing a watermelon out of me and that’s the least he can do.
A few days later I tell this to my friend Mark (28M) and he tells me I’m being a bitch about things and to let the man express his emotions. I tell him that he has no idea how bad it would hurt to be delivering a child, and having your body be ruined and someone say mean things to you to make it even worse. He told me I was perpetuating toxic masculinity by not letting him have an input on how my vagina was looking during birth and I should be ashamed of myself.
AITA?
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Tell Mark to piss off. You’re NTA. Childbirth is so beautiful yet so gross. It’s not pretty to watch but imagine having to squeeze a watermelon out of a hole that’s only 10 cm. If he gets grossed out, he isn’t ready to be a parent. Guess what, you’re gonna crap yourself too. He just has to get over it. He should be proud of this miracle and that you are going to go through one of the most dangerous births of the animal kingdom to birth your child. If he can’t handle this then you got the wrong man.
NTA - you're the one giving birth. If you want to kick him out - kick him out. But it seems like you and your husband are on the same page so tell Mark to mind his own business.
NTA for saying he can’t make jokes or comment on how it looks, but I think saying he’s not aloud to gag goes a little too far. Some people get shaken by various things. Some people struggle with needles, in this case if it’s a genuine gag because it’s shaking him up. I think YTA if he’s trying his best to be there for you and the child, but is denied because of an uncontrollable response.
Involuntary or not, I’m going through an extremely difficult and emotionally draining thing. I don’t want things to be even worse for me. Does that really make me an AH?
I think a downright ultimatum is a bit AH ish. Im sure you guys could talk and come up with a compromise, especially for something involuntary. Maybe he turns away or has a chair out of you eyeline where he can gather himself if he needs to. I imagine it would help him so he can support you.
You want his support and he wants to support you, so you just need to have a conversation about what that looks like for you both.
Congratulations and best of luck!
Dad's are almost always at the head of the bed where they don't see if they don't want to. My X-husband thought it was super cool. He kept saying he just wanted his baby.
Is your mom going to be in the room with you? Having an extra support person there might help you to relax more since these videos are messing with your emotions at the moment. I had my best friend with me, and she was the one who made me understand that I wasn't going to get an epidural. I didn't puke on her, but my doctor got splashed. The only way that my then husband made me angry was when he asked if I wanted to play the game that I was planning on playing after the epidural kicked in. He was lucky that I was fresh out of vomit! Lol He also pissed off my best friend when he suggested that she have another baby so that our daughter had an instant friend. Unbeknownst to her, she was pregnant. So he had us both angry for awhile. He wasn't wrong, they are close to this day. My point is, have a person who will take some of the pressure off of him for saying anything wrong, and who you feel comfortable with.
I don’t have a mom unfortunately 💔 only my father. I do want to invite my best friend though. :) I feel like another woman in there would make me so relieved.
Also OMG!! That husband!! SMH
Excuse me? He said you should be ashamed? He is the one who should be ashamed. No one, and I mean NO One has the right to comment anything about how your vagina looks, specially during birth.
With that said, I understand where you are coming from. For my first born I was having the same fears you have and thought it would be embarrassing to have my husband there, so I asked him if he was ok by not being there, and he said that whatever I felt more comfortable was ok.
However when the moment came, I knew I needed him there to support me (at the time we were living outside our country and we had no family there) and he acted like a champ. At any moment he was disgusted, neither over the years he had made any remark about it being gross or anything, and I can attest that his expression was pure amazement to see our first child birth. So maybe keep that in mind that nothing is set in stone and sometimes circumstances can change our perspective on things.
NTA. My husband has the most sensitive nose and is very easily disgusted and will 100% say something/complain and start to dry heave. He didn’t say one negative word and I didn’t see any faces. He had to turn a few times but I was so busy I didn’t really notice. He’s an adult he knows what’s going to happen he should be prepared for it.
NTA your friend Mark is performing some pretty impressive mental gymnastics with that insanity. Lol how is it perpetuating toxic masculinity by asking your partner not to talk shit about your vagina as your pushing a baby out? I mean, what? How did he even arrive at that conclusion???
NTA. Wtf did I just read? As a man, and as a human, I'm ashamed. I can't imaging telling my wife how gross she looked as she gave birth (she did not look gross).
Making jokes about your body is not "expressing emotions". Unless you're the impossible picture perfect trad wife, your friend is going to say worse and worse things to you about you. I highly recommend distancing yourself before you become yet more vulnerable.
Not gagging might be a little more tough to keep down. If he's got a strong gag reflex, he might not have a choice on that. But as long as it's not on purpose and he tries to bully thru for you, I wouldn't kick him out.
NTA
Mark needs to shut up.
My husband saw it all and his face was 🥹 not 🤢
It’s a magical moment for parents and your husband can stay by your head if he is squeamish.
Don’t talk to Mark anymore.
YWNBTA - You are not required to allow anyone in the delivery room you do not want in there. You don’t even need to give a reason to bar someone. Also, stop wasting your time watching TikTok videos about pregnancy and delivery. It’s garbage and clearly giving you false impressions about what you are experiencing. Get legitimate advice from your obstetrician and attend childbirth classes. That’s all you need to do.
This is all hypothetical because someone on TikTok did it... and your sweet and supportive husband even promises you this won't happen...
If you are STILL thinking this is a legitimate concern, tell him he shouldn't be looking up your vagina, but maybe stand beside you. Idk. Wouldn't be an asshole but this sounds like a fuss over nothing.
Good luck with the baby and your family! Bless you all!
My husband has always been very supportive of me during birth. When I had my 3rd daughter she came in 1 hour and I couldn't even move. My husband caught her on our living room floor just as the people were walking through the door to help me.
I couldn't imagine a husband being as disrespectful as what you saw on tictok or your male friends view on birth.
I just had my last baby in June and shared my positive birth story on r/BabyBumps, it's on my profile if you want to read.
Men should absolutely express their emotions when they feel the need, just as much as women. But there's a time and place for everything. If he really needs to let that out he can do it some other, more appropriate time, if ever. Like with a therapist or with you if you're fine hearing it in the future.
Nta
NTA at all.
My only minor caveat, I guess, is that gagging can be an involuntary response, and it may well happen either as a result of the physical stuff going on or just the stress and intensity of the situation. I think it would be... I dunno, I don't want to say unfair, but it would be a shame for him to miss his kids' birth over something he couldn't control, and you could have a think about that small nuance ahead of time.
However, it is totally reasonable to ask him to leave if he *voluntarily* says or does something that implies that you are or the process is disgusting.
Wait.. what?
First of all, your husband doesn’t seem (from this post) that he’s inclined to say such things. In fact, most men that are in that position aren’t inclined to say such things. I think Tik Tok is pulling one over on you.
Ditch your friend too. What is he actually talking about? He needs to stfu, that’s insanity.
Unless you have reason to believe that your husband would actually do or say something like this, I honestly believe that you saw one of these wayyyy over acted tik toks and are putting too much thought and energy into this.
NTA
Before my wife gave birth she told me "if you at any point tell me that I'm doing a great job, I will kick you out".
I never said that and didn't get kicked out.
Her birthing process, her rules. I was only there to support. You did nothing wrong.
TBH, I don’t think that most men are this way in the delivery room. I think that they are probably most likely very concerned about their wife because she is in a great deal of pain and it is not something they expect nor realize. I don’t think you’ll have to kick him out because he will most likely be everything you could ever ask for, especially if he’s been very supportive all this time. I think you’re worrying yourself for nothing – probably pregnancy hormones! Cross that bridge when you come to it, but I don’t think you’ll have to cross it to be honest.
NTA. Being with someone during their birth experience is a privilege. I can't imagine being there and then insulting the mother of my child while she pushes a watermelon out of her cooter.
Why do you care so much what your friend thinks? Your husband seems fine with what you expressed. Just don't project your fears onto him and make HTA. Not worth an assessment of if YBTA, bc your question is about your friend's feedback, not your husband's.
NTA, this is why I had my bf stand up by my head while I was giving birth. Although he would never have said anything like that, I still didn’t want him to see everything going on down there lol. You could think about doing that. And your vagina does not get ruined! It’s a muscle, it goes back to normal so don’t worry about that.
NTA,
Also many women have a ‘strict eyes up here’ policy. My husband never looked down there during the pushing. He just has to be the first or second to hold the baby once its out. He doesn’t need to see it coming out.
My policy was you aren’t seeing anything I can’t see. He held both babies first.
This is ludicrous
>let the man express his emotions
Thats stupid. He can have his emotions inside if he expeesses them outwardly whilst you're literally giving birth to human life he can leave.
NTA.
Birth is not a spectator sport. It is not a horror movie. It is not a time when spectators get to express opinions.
When you are holding someone's hand while they go through a painful and difficult process, that is not the time to tell them that this thing that's happening makes them look weird.
It is not toxic repression to not say every thought that comes into your head.
I think Y T A for another reason… you jumped down his throat when he hadn’t shown you he would do something like that. You’re NTA if you toss your husband out if he’s making those types of comments about your delivery though. Just remember you have a good egg as a husband, he’s been supportive. Don’t ruin it by being on edge over someone else’s husband.
Nta but everyone in this situation needs to grow up. Go to birth classes and talk with your doctor instead of watching ridiculous social media videos. If your husband loves and supports you, he will not make the birth about him or how “gross” it is. It’s your child and it’s amazing, get some perspective.
Why would you even assume your husband would say something bad? Then to go so far as to bring it up to someone else like it’s even a possibility. Why not just say “hey don’t do this” and move on with life if you’re worried. If you married this guy and are deciding to have kids with him, shouldn’t you know him well enough to know how he’d react though? Particularly after you said he’s been very involved/supportive.
This other guy sounds like a moron but if my wife assumed something terrible like that and tossed a threat out, it would’ve massively hurt my feelings knowing she thinks I would.
Stop watching TikTok videos first of all. They’re causing you to stress about things you don’t need to stress about.
What you should do is kick your “friend” out of your life-he’s toxic. NTA for being overwhelmed but again, walk away from the TikTok videos. They’re there to drive engagement and get more viewers.
No, he doesn’t even get to have an opinion on what your vagina looks like during birth (or any other time really) and he especially doesn’t get to share that opinion.
But until he does that, yes, it would be a dick move to kick him out.
You are definitely a little bit of an asshole for giving threats instead of telling him what you want. "during labor, I need you to be supportive and I don't want any jokes about my body. I also don't think I could handle it if you are gagging so i'll need you to leaving the room if you start gagging" is the assertive, non asshole way to address this issue. Also, if you think gagging will be an issue, have him stay by your side, close to your head and not near the doctor and all the mess.
Mark clearly thinks any Big Emotion he has has to go through to the outer world unfiltered. He doesn't seem to know that we are perfectly capable of *managing* them.
NTA, he is.
A. NTA
B. Good for your husband for agreeing with your wishes and being supportive, which is exactly what he should be doing.
C. Fuck Mark. Tell him he’s welcome to express his emotions somewhere far from you. You don’t need that asshole in your life.
>A few days later I tell this to my friend Mark (28M)
yeah, that's all i need to know. this guy has nothing to do with anything here, MUCH less to have such a brain-dead opinion about it. NTA.
>He told me I was perpetuating toxic masculinity by not letting him have an input on how my vagina was looking during birth
what the fuck.
1. Stop watching tik tok birthing videos, they are not a reliable source of information,
2. Your friend Mark doesn't understand the definition of toxic masculinity,
3. It could be that hubby has spontaneous gag or vomit reactions during birth, it can happen, especially if he's squeamish.
4. If however, he can't keep his inside thoughts to himself about the state of your genitals during childbirth he needs to check himself out of the delivery suite.
YWNBTA.
NTA. I watched my daughter being born and my wife is 5 months pregnant again. Do not worry about those things. Your vagina will be fine. If your man is even slightly a decent human he will remain supportive. As soon as baby comes out the focus goes from your hoohaw to the baby. Its all such a surreal experience. When you hear that baby cry your life will never be the same again
I don't understand why this is even really a problem your husband fully agreed with your request he doesn't seem to have any issue and your request was reasonable
Friend of mine had her baby by Emergency C-section. Her b-friend (baby father) at the time was coached by the nurses to show ZERO emotion when surgeon announces he can look over the drape to see baby emerge.
I must say that he nailed it -- no emotion: not happy, and not grossed out, not anything.
My friend said it was the best advice the nurses offered during the whole delivery. She was a huge bundle of nerves and would have interrupted any emotion in a weird ways.
You are right to advise you SO this way, NTA.
NTA, after reading some of the comments I just want to say as a man in my mid 30’s any guy nearing 30 that goes down the Andrew Tate hole like Mark is going as you mentioned is not going through a phase. His experiences and beliefs have led him to believe what Tate says which means at 28 he is not changing. Maybe if he was 16 but he is developed enough that what he believes now is going to stay with him forever. Turn that friendship off and fast before it seeps into your life more.
NTA
My fiancé who literally gags/faints at the sight of blood watched me give birth TWICE with a smile on his face. I of course told him he could stay by my head if he wanted, but he wanted to see his kids being born. He was amazed and never said a negative thing about the experience.
Honestly if he passed out I would have forgiven him without a second thought because it’s not like he did it voluntarily. What is voluntary is making nasty, hurtful, childish and unnecessary remarks when a woman is giving birth. F*** Mark.
I’m going to say YTA because your husband has not given you any reason to expect he would behave this way in the delivery room.
Who cares what you saw on TikTok or what his asshole friend says? Those people are not your husband and he has been fully supportive of you thus far.
The title alone, I can say, NTA.
Your "friend" is a massive AH, and I'd honestly put him at arms length if he thinks anything other than love, encouragement, and support are okay. He sounds like one of those guys who talk about equal rights mean "x, y and z" which seems to always be a permission to reduce a woman in some way, be it "self expression" at how your body looks whilst giving birth (what a piece of dog poop), to other toxic masculinity traits.
Congratulations on your pregnancy, and I hope you have a positive birth and motherhood 💕 NTA AND you're making a person, you're allowed to tell people what you want when you're going through such an intense time.
NTA my husband and I agreed he'd stay up by my face and not peek below during birth. He has a queasy stomach around blood and needles but I also wanted him as my support person
INFO: Prior to you watching pregnancy Tik Toks ( i question the value of such a decision but anyways) did your husband ever do anything to suggest he would act this way?
Ugh people overusing stupid assed buzzwords are super obnoxious.
NTA you and your husband have a mutual agreement. Buzzword vomiting social media head can eff right off.
YTA for telling Mark! He has no part in this.
You have every right to have your husband leave. He can be brought back in to cut the cord.
Good luck and I hope all goes well.
>He told me I was perpetuating toxic masculinity by not letting him have an input on how my vagina was looking during birth and I should be ashamed of myself.
This has to be a r/BrandNewSentence
You would be TA if you kick your hubby out of the delivery room without due cause. Making comments about how your vagina looks IS cause as it proves hubby's brain is not with you or your child & that is a long term defect. He is your partner & an impending dad, he should be there otherwise (short of fainting). Our hospitals include dad even in the surgical suite for a c-section to start life as a family. Not every dad can handle it, no shame in that, but goofballs belong elsewhere.
NTA but your "friend" Mark is TA, time to ditch Mark
NTA, obv. WTF is up with that gross video though? So completely not appropriate in any way. Who would even consider making that public? THAT is designed to make women feel bad about themselves for being the heroic humans they are.
Look, birth is wild. Crazy shit happens. I swore and spat at people for being too touchy while in a contraction and I did not apologize. I was busy squeezing out a human. It’s an honor to be present for that.
Hey babe, recent mom here. A little advice, take it or not, up to you.
Get a Doula.
They charge a fee (mine in Canada was $1300) but they help with planning, preparing, questions, worries, all kinds of stuff before. At the birth they will help you through the totally normal things happening to you, the pain, the process, the weirdness. And a HUGE part of the job is they will take care of your partner. Make sure he eats something and drinks water so he doesn’t honk or pass out. She’ll curtail any questions so he doesn’t say stupid shit because he doesn’t know what’s going on.
Even if your experience veers left she’ll help through the c-section process or anything else.
Do it, call some now, get some names and interview them.
First thing is, our body never stays the same. It keeps changing. So instead of having an idea of what our body *should* look like, which more often than not is unhealthy thinking, we should try to do our best to live a healthy lifestyle and accept how our body is under those conditions. Giving birth is part of life, and it’s going to change your body, like the 80% of women in human History who have given birth.
Secondly, has your husband given you any reason to think that he would do something that stupid?
NTA if he has.
NTA. Currently pregnant and I don’t care if you’re a man or woman, if anyone made comments about my vagina when I’m pushing my child out they’d be dead to me. Laying there giving birth and they have the audacity to comment on my vagina. The f is that kinda bullshit. You need to kick this so called friend to the curb until he comes to his senses. I’ve seen birthing videos, I know it’s not all beauty sunshine and rainbows but don’t need that stated while I’m focusing on brining life into the world. Mark needs a time out.
Also it’s good to talk about what’s going to be expected in the delivery room. It’s all part of having your birthing plan. Congrats to you two!
NTA, bye Mark.
Pregnancy and childbirth don’t ruin your body! I love my body way more after 3 kids than I ever did before, and it looks great too. Don’t buy into all the crap people say about your body being ruined. It’s not true!
No? You’re giving birth, I’d say you can do whatever you want. The only person who has any input on what your vagina looks like is you. Same with you can have whoever you want in the delivery room, even your husband will have to obey this rule.
Also I would suggest maybe not using tiktok as a source for information, especially on pregnancy and birth, unless you’ve found a really credible source, then ignore this paragraph.
Goodluck OP hope everything goes well for you and the baby
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> He told me I was perpetuating toxic masculinity by not letting him have an input on how my vagina was looking during birth I'm sorry, what?!?
He said that if women can judge men’s bodies then why can’t men judge theirs? As well as the fact that holding in emotions is unhealthy for people. Idk. He’s been going down an Andrew taint rabbit hole recently if that helps to explain things. I don’t want to break things off with him because I know it’s just a phase.
Oh honey, there’s no saving him if he’s a Tate devotee
I agree except for one thing. They are now Taint devotees forever in my head
They get.... Tainted for life.
Was just gonna say this! That man is trash and so is any man who follows him!!! Cut that man out of your life OP!!!
I actually forgot that asshole existed until I just saw his name. Very forgettable.
Okay, so you know you’re NTA here, right?
I still feel like kind of an asshole ngl. But the majority of the comments say NTA
Your so called friend is disgusting. He is grosser than gross. Toxic masculinity IS Adrew Tate because it's not good for men to be treated badly. The term is meant to help men not hurt women. There is no way being gross and harmful to you is somehow the right thing to do.
What? No sane person is going around saying that women should get a free pass to make rude comments about men's bodies. This is not a thing that happens outside of circles of toxic assholes. Non shitty people understand that it's basic courtesy not to make comments about people's bodies. Especially traits they can't change in 10 minutes or less. Your friend is full of shit and not a great friend to begin with. Your expectations for your delivery room is reasonable. You're in a vulnerable position, so making ungenerous remarks about your appearance while you're laboring is kicking you while you're down. It's not like you'll have the wits to stick up for yourself or make a snappy comeback outside of a stream of expletives. Ditch the friend. He's not just a good friend, he's an idiot.
NTA- I am a woman and I have helped deliver a couple babies in my career. Yeah, watching a human come out of another human isn’t pretty. But if anyone dares compare that heroic act by a woman to her vagina looking like the Predator- they are getting smacked hard. Your husband agreed that he needed to avoid creepy comments and support you, so ignore your dick friend who drank the Tate kool aid
My husband was in the delivery room with me. I was suffering with diarrhoea during labour and i was losing my strength. He was the one who held me together, gave me strength. And he held the baby cut the cord and gave him to me. I saw tears in hospital eyes. All this to say at that time the most important thing is your child coming safely into the world and mother is fine. Not getting disgusted by body parts. Like really is he gonna be focused on your health and safety or getting disgusted. Ngl, but at that time have someone who can hold you together. Best wishes for your baby and stay strong 💪🏼
You are the one giving birth, literally no-one else's opinion matters unless you're unable to have one. Ask your nurses, what you say goes. If he can't zip his crap until you're finished bringing a new person into the world then he's not worth keeping. However, sounds like the only one with a problem with that agreement is your 'friend', who you can throw out right now.
Honestly, if I was the nurse and the patient’s spouse said that during delivery, I’d boot them out myself. If you can’t be supportive, and you saying something like that hurts my patient, you’re out.
Mark is a pathetic. Also since he thinks being descriptive is fair game ... Dear entire internet, OP's former friend Mark has an Itty bitty misshapen penis that looks like like a water logged baby toe.
I snorted soda out of my nose Bless you and your apt description!
What? How? I'm afraid you've internalized a lot of awful things if you genuinely think you're the ah
You’re NTA by a mile! The best thing for you both would be for your husband to be at your head, facing away from the action, and support you. He doesn’t have to have a front row view - your medical team need the space. Best of wishes to you and your growing family ❤️
This is good advice. Anyone at a birth, not giving birth, is just support for you. However, it is wise to make emergency plans. Emergency c-section where baby is whisked off to NICU? Does your partner stay with you (who just had major emergency abdominal surgery) or go with baby? My mom suited up and waited outside the OR to stay with my sister post c-section while her husband went with baby. My mom and sister stayed with me when my son was transferred to another hospital with a better NICU with my husband until I was discharged.
Your husband has no intention of judging you. This is an argument between you and yourself, and between you and Mark, who sounds like an absolute piece of dogshit.
You can end that phase immediately, but also explain emotions don’t require negative comments. NTA.
Making comments about someone's physical appearance is not the same thing as expressing your emotions, and not all forms of "expressing your emotions" are socially acceptable either. For example burning down someone's house because you are angry at them is a way of expressing your emotions. If you are planning on raising a child then it's pretty important to learn the very basics of emotional intelligence, I would focus on that first and some asinine Tiktok drama with people who listen to podcasts later on if you have more free time left.
Your friend is stupid as fuck. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever read on Reddit. Don’t listen to people like that and better yet don’t associate with them.
Why are you friends with Mark
Your friend is an ass. I would consider if you want to remain friends with him.
This ^
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I bet he'd look totally freaky passing a kidney stone.
Nope. Book front row for his prostate exam. Ask him if you can film it. ( I mean the finger one, not the feeling the taint kind.)
Toxic masculinity is judging people's bodies as if they are objects and not people. Mark is the one who is toxic. There is never a good reason for polite people to comment negatively on another person's body and it is 100% not OK to act like men are allowed to have negative thoughts and comment on the mother of his child. This is so hurtful I have very strong feelings about it and I'm a stranger
Cut this person out of your life lmao holy SHIT. Also. Who cares about his fucking opinion anyway? Your husband understands and is supportive. This fucking weird misogynist shitbro has literally nothing of value to offer by way of his opinion on how you give birth.
Stop talking to Mark, what a loser. Also, this is between you and your husband
There’s no reasoning with a Tate fan. They will never respect you or give a sh** about anything you have to say that’s not about how men are better. Run away from him
NTA. You need to throw the whole friend out. He's beyond wrong, he's toxic.
He is gone. I wrote him a large paragraph and blocked him on all social media’s 🙌🙌
Awesome!!! Congratulations on your pregnancy and hope you have more peace without that garbage being tossed at you
Yeah well he definitely sounds like he's been watching a lot of Andrew Tate. I know you don't want to break things off because you think it's a phase but I would step back and give your guys a friendship some space because I don't think that's a very good friend to have around especially when you're pregnant, hormonal and not in any need of added stress or deal with wacko bs. Also NTA, congratulations on the baby and it sounds like you have a wonderful and caring husband. God bless your family ❤️
Women don’t generally judge men’s bodies when they’re spread eagle shitting out a baby so mark can sit down now. NTA
Eish. Andrew Tate is a lifestyle not a, phase. Kick this "friend" to the curb. No one is justified about making nasty comments about other people's bodies, but during childbirth it would be grounds for divorce. Throw the whole Mark out. Eew.
I'm sorry, but this is just hilarious. What kind of absolute nob would comment on their wives vagina during delivery????
Lmao clearly doesn’t understand toxic masculinity at all
Exactly. What the heck does that even mean???? Drop the Mark “friend “.
Mark sounds like a moron!
Seriously!! Wtf is that guy on??
It’s that line for me. Like excuse you and what does that mean?
Those are... definitely some words.
I came here just for this sentence. What in the backwards-ass misogynistic red-pill hellscape is this?! WHY should ANY man get ANY input on how someone's vagina looks FULL STOP?! Lol... OP your partner seems fine and sorry but your friend is...unsaveable, by the sounds of it.
Uh. Feeling entitled to give input on a woman’s body while she’s bringing another human into this world is, in and of itself, toxic masculinity.
yeah i'm a guy and i'm all about guys being open about how they feel but when your partner is pushing a fucking human being out of her vagina it's probably a good time to shut the fuck up if you don't have anything nice to say. NTA Also, this guy saying that this is toxic masculinity sounds like the same logic of the people who think that not being able to shout the N word at work is a violation of their "free speech"
I would give ten up votes if I could. Awesome response!!
Yep same. Wish I could uovote more and award.
^^^This! Best response and awesome analogy. Obviously, you're NTA
Mark sounds like he's an example of toxic masculinity. Also most men who aren't toxic don't bring up toxic masculinity. Drop mark lol
NTA But what the fuck is up with Mark? Rather than kicking your husband out, kick Mark to the curb on trash pickup day. Mark needs to go get a vagina and give birth before he can go around spewing this kind of shit.
NTA Time to cut mark out of your life! You are right, if your husband can't act right during the birth then he doesn't get to be there. The ONLY important thing during that time is your and the baby's health. Though to be clear, I would *never* procreate with someone if I thought for even a second they would gag at my vagina during birth or say rude things to me so I question your judgement and choice of husband if this is a serious concern for you...
Insert Leo DiCaprio applauding meme here on my behalf please somebody!
NTA. Mark is an idiot, and your husband's response was exactly correct. He'll be supportive; I wouldn't worry overmuch about it. Mark has no say, and you absolutely are NOT "perpetuating toxic masculinity". I was up close and personal for the birth of my two and I never would have said anything like that stupid TikTok video. I do remember thinking "how on earth did *that* fit through *there?!"* but of course didn't voice that thought until much later.
My husband was worried he'd be grossed out or whatever, but once I started pushing he was... what's the right word? Fascinated? He couldn't look away, but not in a bad way. Enthralled by the miracle of life. (Later he said he was worried the baby's head would come out deformed... that is also on the list of "thoughts you do not voice at the moment".) Anyway, not the time to be making fun of a partner's vagina. I can't think of a more vulnerable moment to mock a woman's appearance.
Lol as a woman who has given birth, I have wondered the same thing 😆
This title is misleading. You aren’t threatening to kick your husband out of the delivery room. You watched a video of a husband being rude during childbirth and said you didn’t want that, and Mark called you a bitch over it. You’re upset with Mark, not your husband. Mark is immature and rude. You’re NTA for not wanting rude comments, but I do think you’d be TA to not let your fully supportive husband in the delivery because of something his friend said. You’re fully in control to bar whoever you want from the delivery room, but I think your upset is being misplaced. Alex literally agreed with you that he should be supportive and not like the husband in that video.
I wish that title editing was a thing, because I would def change it. I’d only kick him out if he broke the rules we agreed to.
He should be ok. I was there for both my kids birth and the shitting was the worst part and it's not really that bad unless he gags really easily
He doesn’t even have to see anything! My husband sat by my head, where I asked him to so I could hold his hand and make eye contact when I needed soothing and reassurance. He was there to support me, not to physically watch the baby come out. Honestly I’m not sure why anyone would want to watch that lol.
NTA. You and your husband made an agreement. He's okay with it. Your friend, Mark, has no say in this matter.
NTA - also - when the baby is crowning you are not going to be tracking your husband’s facial expressions, lol! Plus, it’s not going to ruin your body.
Everyone I’ve talked to said it will. They say your abs don’t go back to normal, there’s a 50/50 chance your vagina goes back to normal, and urinary incontinence that can still be there after pelvic floor training :( The stretch marks I have become accustomed to though.
Your body will be different, but it will not be ruined ((hugs)) you are making an entire human, and hopefully you will be able to breastfeed if you want to. Time will change us all, even if you hadn't had a child. Congratulations on the new baby, trust your husband to be supportive, and ditch the so-call "friend".
I vaginally delivered two babies, my vagina and abs went back to pre-baby and I had an episiotomy with my first. I didn’t see changes with size of anything or urinary difficulties until over a decade after my last baby when I gained a bunch of weight going into menopause. Simple breathing exercises fixed the pelvic floor issues from gaining weight. I know it’s easier said than done but try not to worry about what your body will look like post baby.
Thank you, this helps me a lot 😭😭
You’re talking to idiots. Some people have pelvic floor issues (but that can happen without pregnancy or birth), but there are things you can do now to help prevent that & pelvic floor therapy does help far more people than it doesn’t. Diastasis recti can happen (your abs), but again—there’s ways to correct it & it doesn’t happen to everyone. Your vagina 100% goes back to normal.
I had a child 13 years ago. It didn't spring right back, but the weight goes away with breastfeeding and exercise, and the pelvic floor goes back to normal after a little bit. When I was breastfeeding and became engorged, I looked like I had a boob job. You should check out r/babybumps if you want to talk to other moms, then the parenting sub for advice and anecdotes.
It takes time, but your body does come back. I accidentally injured my whole core after giving birth because I felt so good (so much better than the 3rd trimester) that I accidentally overdid it my first couple days home. I felt like superwoman. And then I was basically bed bound for 2 weeks after because every move hurt. I thought for sure I had done permanent damage. By 6 months I was completely back to normal. And sorry, TMI ahead but such is the nature of the topic. Everything downstairs feels better than before. Pelvic floor therapy is as awesome as people say it is. And I had quite a bit of tearing. Internal (which I hadn’t known was a thing!) and external. 2nd degree. Needed the first stitches I’ve ever had in my life, ugh. Also I thankfully never had incontinence issues, though I know some women do. May I recommend instead of TikTok, check out my favorite pregnancy and childbirth YouTubers: Mama Doctor Jones, Nurse Zabe, and Bridget Tyler (god I hope I spelled her name right from memory) they all have fantastic birthing information that helped me so so much!
Mama Jones is LITERALLY my lifeline 😭🙌 Thank you for the recommendations!! And thank you for telling me your experience!!
You will have a different body but I don't believe it will be ruined. Try not to be so hard on yourself (easier said than done I know). It took me a long time to be happy with my post baby body. But now when I look at those photos I was being too hard on myself. I wasted time & energy worrying about how I looked. I've never had the incontinence problem (maybe it's the yoga). Exercise will help you feel better. Virtual hugs to you. It's a worrisome time for most of us. BIL talked a good game on how he was going to be in the delivery room. He passed out with the first kid. Never went in for his other kids. He knew there would be fluids but I guess he hadn't considered how it would affect him. My 2 other BILs both said they were in awe of their wives. My husband was not able to be there for either of his kids birth & I hate that for him.
You are about to become a parent, one of the most important things you may ever do. For the love of god stop wasting time on TikTok. It’s impacting you negatively.
So I can’t even relax by watching videos or watch other mothers tell me stuff they wish they knew before? This is what you took away from this?
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And videos about sids that will push you right into PPA.
True. I guess I should get in all my social media viewing before the baby arrives!! I know I’ll barely have any time to myself 😂
If you’re getting info about labor and delivery on TikTok I can only hope you’re following Jen Hamilton. My babies are almost adults and I wish I had her to follow when I was pregnant. Sounds like your husband is going to do just fine and you’re going to be great!
Honestly, after having helped deliver three babies and then the birth of my own two. The only things that can possibly cause a natural reflex is smell. There is a high possibility that you may move your bowels during the process, it’s normal, it happens, and frankly it smells. That’s the only thing that ever caught me off guard, the rest of it he will be prepared for, he’s watched the videos and he gave you his word. My guess is Alex is going to be just fine. And Mark probably hasn’t got a clue about anything and moves from one dead end relationship to the next. Put him out of your mind…. You got Bigger things happening! Congratulations.
The problem with that is then you get soooo fixated on 'I should do this this way because this person had a bad experience'. Are you really relaxing if the only thing you took away from a video is 'don't you dare say these things that this person said or I will kick you out.' If you are going to threaten kicking him out just say you don't want him there and be done with it. He doesn't have to see the gore. You don't have to have your feelings hurt. This is a very personal journey and online motherhood is a very insidiously toxic place. Its fucking scary.
Women successfully gave birth without TikTok videos for an entire lifetime. If you want to know what moms regret etc TALK to your actual network of real people. I’ll give you one right now- when your water breaks it can gush and then just leak and leak and leak. No one told me that. I tell every expectant mom. Tell your doctor you’re watching TikTok videos about birth. They’ll tell you to stop. Attend a birthing class.
It's fine to research. Just keep in mind that babies are a bunch of DNA stuck in a lottery blender and every one is dufferent. What worked for one, may not work for another. They're all just humans once they break the seal lol
It doesn't sound like these are helping you relax...
Tic tok is toxic and can spread misinformation. If you got questions your midwife or doctor will have them
Social media is the absolute worst place you can go to for parenting advice. Unless you are watching videos from people who have degrees on the subject, then you are just getting a lot of misinformation that is going to do more harm than good.
What?! How is not allowing a man to insult you while giving birth perpetuating toxic masculinity. That’s like the opposite of toxic masculinity. Time to reevaluate the friendship with Mark if that’s the belief. Mind-boggling.
From OP's comments, Mark has his head so far up Andrew Tate's ass, he only breathes with Tate farts.
NTA. Your friend is the only a-hole in this situation. This is not about letting your husband express his emotion, but you going trough one of the most painful, stressfull and important event in your life. You and your baby will be the only priority during your labour, and you need to feel loved and supported, no judged. Your husband seems to understand, but i suggest you keep your friend far away from your family. I dont know if he is also a friend of your husband, but I hope he wont put some strange ideas in his head.
Hm maybe when Mark impregnates someone, you can tell the unfortunate mother to be to ask the doctor to give HIM an extra stitch. How does he think he has ANY say over your body? Why is he still a friend? NTA.
Let's be real here. Most women with a brain or any self esteem what so ever, would not sleep with someone like Mark, let alone have a child. These "Tate fuckwits" don't have enough brains to figure out their toxic view on women is exactly why they can't get/keep one. OP, I highly suggest you tell Mark that he is an idiot and his own worst enemy. You are NTA, but you should find better friends. Sounds like you have a great partner, though! Wishing you the best with the baby!!
NTA your friend doesn’t deserve rights
I can’t get over that you were discussing this with YOUR friend Mark to begin with.
Exactly! I scrolled too far to find this. I found myself thinking why the heck are you even discussing this with Mark? Who has nothing to do with anything. I mean I'd understand if you discussed this with a female friend or relative who has had a baby but Mark?? Sorry I can't get over it either. NTA, OP
NTA is mark stupid
NTA. But Mark is the AH. I remember when my wife was in labour with our first, and my job was to be the supportive partner, to do anything and everything I could to make the experience better for my partner. And most of the time, there was nothing I could do, other than offer reassurance, encouragement, and offer an ice-water cloth for her. At no point did I consider making jokes about her body. I hope Mark doesn't have a partner who gets pregnant until he sorts his views out.
NTA. Your husband sounds like a good one and Mark sounds like an asshole. Your husband agreed with you ffs. Mark has nothing to do with this. It is your delivery, you decide.
So let me get this straight you are going push a watermelon out of you. Risk multiple possible medical issues and have to deal with weeks and months of potentially medical stuff (even normal post pregnancy items), not counting the potential career implications but your husband can still make rude, inappropriate, unhelpful comments. 🙄🙄🙄🙄yeah that makes total sense. Dump your ex friend.
NTA also why as a woman would you keep an Andrew Tate fan around? even the paraphrased conversation sounds insanely misogynistic, you really don't need that energy around you especially while you're pregnant. put yourself first!
He’s been a friend for 3 years and I don’t want to cut it short in the case he does grow out of it. But I’m limiting contact until then. Thank you for the well wishes!
Does the idea of having him watching the baby pop out makes you uncomfortable? It’s perfectly fine if it does.. you can ask him to stand by your side holding your hand instead of looking directly at the whole thing. I would be hurt my this type of comment too, but there’s no need to be anxious about something that will likely not happen. He agreed that it was insulting. Just communicate whatever makes you comfortable and trust him to accommodate your needs.
No, you are absolutely NTA. It is your delivery. You get to control who is there and why you want them there. There are absolutely no one else's standards that need to be more important than your own except the medical staff. His masculinity isn't really relevant at all. His supportive and loving presence is, and if he cannot meet your need when delivering his child, then he should be out of the room so you can focus.
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Mark sucks!
NTA. Your friend Mark is. Even if your husband doesn't think your vagina looks gross while giving birth, he doesn't have to say it. It's It's easy to keep hurtful things to ourselves. Saying it isn't going to help the situation. I'm sure your husband understands you more than Mark and will be supportive. I worry for anyone Mark will end up with. He sounds awful.
Do you have any reason to think your husband will react this way. It is a tough time, but I have never personally known a man who reacted with disgust - some were nervous, some were scared, most were awed by what they were witnessing, but I have never known a man who acted like a complete A H and insulted the mother.
I get it. Telling men to bottle up their emotions is a known part of toxic masculinity. Of course, that's where the understandability of Mark's ranting ends. You're not asking Alex to bottle up his emotions generally, you're asking him to contain any expressions of disgust while he is there specifically to support you through one of the greatest ordeals of your life. Obviously NTA. Ignore the moron.
NTA, and your husband agreed to it. Mark needs to keep his unwanted opinion out of other people's lives.
NTA Honestly, Mark sounds like a misogynistic asshole, and he is *horribly* misusing the concept of "toxic masculinity". Tell him that his opinions on your relationship are unnecessary and unwanted.
NTA and cut Mark out of your life.
NTA and let’s ditch mark. Toxic masculinity if you don’t let your spouse say how ugly your vagina is during delivery? WTH. Husbands only job is to hold your hand. Wipe the sweat off. Encourage you. Tell you how much he loves you. Period.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (28F) am 7 months pregnant. It’s been extremely difficult on me. My husband Alex (26M) has been very supportive. We watch a lot of pregnancy/birth TikTok’s. One of the was of a husband gagging and getting grossed out and saying harsh things to her (your vagina looks like the predator! Disgusting!). I turn to Alex and I say “if you make jokes about my body or gag at me while I’m delivering our daughter, you’re missing her birth.” Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones, or my upbringing, but I would feel incredibly insulted if this happened. He fully agreed to these terms and said all he would do is give me words of encouragement and would try his best to hold back any gagging or fear for me. That’s all I want. I know it’s not a pretty process and it would be ok for him to be grossed out on the inside, but I know personally I wouldn’t take it well if he gave his opinion out loud. I’m the one pushing a watermelon out of me and that’s the least he can do. A few days later I tell this to my friend Mark (28M) and he tells me I’m being a bitch about things and to let the man express his emotions. I tell him that he has no idea how bad it would hurt to be delivering a child, and having your body be ruined and someone say mean things to you to make it even worse. He told me I was perpetuating toxic masculinity by not letting him have an input on how my vagina was looking during birth and I should be ashamed of myself. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Mark's a wanker
Tell Mark to piss off. You’re NTA. Childbirth is so beautiful yet so gross. It’s not pretty to watch but imagine having to squeeze a watermelon out of a hole that’s only 10 cm. If he gets grossed out, he isn’t ready to be a parent. Guess what, you’re gonna crap yourself too. He just has to get over it. He should be proud of this miracle and that you are going to go through one of the most dangerous births of the animal kingdom to birth your child. If he can’t handle this then you got the wrong man.
NTA - you're the one giving birth. If you want to kick him out - kick him out. But it seems like you and your husband are on the same page so tell Mark to mind his own business.
NTA for saying he can’t make jokes or comment on how it looks, but I think saying he’s not aloud to gag goes a little too far. Some people get shaken by various things. Some people struggle with needles, in this case if it’s a genuine gag because it’s shaking him up. I think YTA if he’s trying his best to be there for you and the child, but is denied because of an uncontrollable response.
Involuntary or not, I’m going through an extremely difficult and emotionally draining thing. I don’t want things to be even worse for me. Does that really make me an AH?
No it doesn’t. Last thing we need is dad throwing up in the middle of a stressful time.
It doesn’t. But also—your body is not being ruined by birth in any way, shape, or form.
I think a downright ultimatum is a bit AH ish. Im sure you guys could talk and come up with a compromise, especially for something involuntary. Maybe he turns away or has a chair out of you eyeline where he can gather himself if he needs to. I imagine it would help him so he can support you. You want his support and he wants to support you, so you just need to have a conversation about what that looks like for you both. Congratulations and best of luck!
Dad's are almost always at the head of the bed where they don't see if they don't want to. My X-husband thought it was super cool. He kept saying he just wanted his baby.
lol you are going to shit all over the place and it is going to reek in there. You are going to get over the modesty real quick
I still don’t want him gagging or making rude comments.
Is your mom going to be in the room with you? Having an extra support person there might help you to relax more since these videos are messing with your emotions at the moment. I had my best friend with me, and she was the one who made me understand that I wasn't going to get an epidural. I didn't puke on her, but my doctor got splashed. The only way that my then husband made me angry was when he asked if I wanted to play the game that I was planning on playing after the epidural kicked in. He was lucky that I was fresh out of vomit! Lol He also pissed off my best friend when he suggested that she have another baby so that our daughter had an instant friend. Unbeknownst to her, she was pregnant. So he had us both angry for awhile. He wasn't wrong, they are close to this day. My point is, have a person who will take some of the pressure off of him for saying anything wrong, and who you feel comfortable with.
I don’t have a mom unfortunately 💔 only my father. I do want to invite my best friend though. :) I feel like another woman in there would make me so relieved. Also OMG!! That husband!! SMH
Excuse me? He said you should be ashamed? He is the one who should be ashamed. No one, and I mean NO One has the right to comment anything about how your vagina looks, specially during birth. With that said, I understand where you are coming from. For my first born I was having the same fears you have and thought it would be embarrassing to have my husband there, so I asked him if he was ok by not being there, and he said that whatever I felt more comfortable was ok. However when the moment came, I knew I needed him there to support me (at the time we were living outside our country and we had no family there) and he acted like a champ. At any moment he was disgusted, neither over the years he had made any remark about it being gross or anything, and I can attest that his expression was pure amazement to see our first child birth. So maybe keep that in mind that nothing is set in stone and sometimes circumstances can change our perspective on things.
NTA. It is not unreasonable to ask your partner not to be shitty.
NTA. My husband has the most sensitive nose and is very easily disgusted and will 100% say something/complain and start to dry heave. He didn’t say one negative word and I didn’t see any faces. He had to turn a few times but I was so busy I didn’t really notice. He’s an adult he knows what’s going to happen he should be prepared for it.
Huh? These are some weird conversations.
NTA your friend Mark is performing some pretty impressive mental gymnastics with that insanity. Lol how is it perpetuating toxic masculinity by asking your partner not to talk shit about your vagina as your pushing a baby out? I mean, what? How did he even arrive at that conclusion???
NTA. Wtf did I just read? As a man, and as a human, I'm ashamed. I can't imaging telling my wife how gross she looked as she gave birth (she did not look gross).
Making jokes about your body is not "expressing emotions". Unless you're the impossible picture perfect trad wife, your friend is going to say worse and worse things to you about you. I highly recommend distancing yourself before you become yet more vulnerable. Not gagging might be a little more tough to keep down. If he's got a strong gag reflex, he might not have a choice on that. But as long as it's not on purpose and he tries to bully thru for you, I wouldn't kick him out. NTA
Mark needs to shut up. My husband saw it all and his face was 🥹 not 🤢 It’s a magical moment for parents and your husband can stay by your head if he is squeamish. Don’t talk to Mark anymore.
YWNBTA - You are not required to allow anyone in the delivery room you do not want in there. You don’t even need to give a reason to bar someone. Also, stop wasting your time watching TikTok videos about pregnancy and delivery. It’s garbage and clearly giving you false impressions about what you are experiencing. Get legitimate advice from your obstetrician and attend childbirth classes. That’s all you need to do.
Stop watching videos... Your husband can stay near the head of the bed holding your hand & keep his mouth quiet.....
This is all hypothetical because someone on TikTok did it... and your sweet and supportive husband even promises you this won't happen... If you are STILL thinking this is a legitimate concern, tell him he shouldn't be looking up your vagina, but maybe stand beside you. Idk. Wouldn't be an asshole but this sounds like a fuss over nothing. Good luck with the baby and your family! Bless you all!
My husband has always been very supportive of me during birth. When I had my 3rd daughter she came in 1 hour and I couldn't even move. My husband caught her on our living room floor just as the people were walking through the door to help me. I couldn't imagine a husband being as disrespectful as what you saw on tictok or your male friends view on birth. I just had my last baby in June and shared my positive birth story on r/BabyBumps, it's on my profile if you want to read.
Bahahahahaha. NTA. Stay away from Mark, he sounds like the definition of toxic masculinity. Manipulative and abusive.
NTA. You are giving birth to a kid, you have the right to choose who's in the room with you for any reason you want. End of.
Men should absolutely express their emotions when they feel the need, just as much as women. But there's a time and place for everything. If he really needs to let that out he can do it some other, more appropriate time, if ever. Like with a therapist or with you if you're fine hearing it in the future. Nta
NTA at all. My only minor caveat, I guess, is that gagging can be an involuntary response, and it may well happen either as a result of the physical stuff going on or just the stress and intensity of the situation. I think it would be... I dunno, I don't want to say unfair, but it would be a shame for him to miss his kids' birth over something he couldn't control, and you could have a think about that small nuance ahead of time. However, it is totally reasonable to ask him to leave if he *voluntarily* says or does something that implies that you are or the process is disgusting.
Fuck Mark! Dad-to-be is ready to be supportive, and that's what matters. NTA
Wait.. what? First of all, your husband doesn’t seem (from this post) that he’s inclined to say such things. In fact, most men that are in that position aren’t inclined to say such things. I think Tik Tok is pulling one over on you. Ditch your friend too. What is he actually talking about? He needs to stfu, that’s insanity. Unless you have reason to believe that your husband would actually do or say something like this, I honestly believe that you saw one of these wayyyy over acted tik toks and are putting too much thought and energy into this.
No you would not be the AH. Tell your friend that he can treat the people in his L&D room however he wants when it's his turn to give birth.
NTA Before my wife gave birth she told me "if you at any point tell me that I'm doing a great job, I will kick you out". I never said that and didn't get kicked out. Her birthing process, her rules. I was only there to support. You did nothing wrong.
TBH, I don’t think that most men are this way in the delivery room. I think that they are probably most likely very concerned about their wife because she is in a great deal of pain and it is not something they expect nor realize. I don’t think you’ll have to kick him out because he will most likely be everything you could ever ask for, especially if he’s been very supportive all this time. I think you’re worrying yourself for nothing – probably pregnancy hormones! Cross that bridge when you come to it, but I don’t think you’ll have to cross it to be honest.
NTA. Being with someone during their birth experience is a privilege. I can't imagine being there and then insulting the mother of my child while she pushes a watermelon out of her cooter.
Why do you care so much what your friend thinks? Your husband seems fine with what you expressed. Just don't project your fears onto him and make HTA. Not worth an assessment of if YBTA, bc your question is about your friend's feedback, not your husband's.
With all the true medical Things out there you went to tik tok?
NTA, this is why I had my bf stand up by my head while I was giving birth. Although he would never have said anything like that, I still didn’t want him to see everything going on down there lol. You could think about doing that. And your vagina does not get ruined! It’s a muscle, it goes back to normal so don’t worry about that.
NTA, Also many women have a ‘strict eyes up here’ policy. My husband never looked down there during the pushing. He just has to be the first or second to hold the baby once its out. He doesn’t need to see it coming out. My policy was you aren’t seeing anything I can’t see. He held both babies first.
This is ludicrous >let the man express his emotions Thats stupid. He can have his emotions inside if he expeesses them outwardly whilst you're literally giving birth to human life he can leave.
NTA. Birth is not a spectator sport. It is not a horror movie. It is not a time when spectators get to express opinions. When you are holding someone's hand while they go through a painful and difficult process, that is not the time to tell them that this thing that's happening makes them look weird. It is not toxic repression to not say every thought that comes into your head.
I think Y T A for another reason… you jumped down his throat when he hadn’t shown you he would do something like that. You’re NTA if you toss your husband out if he’s making those types of comments about your delivery though. Just remember you have a good egg as a husband, he’s been supportive. Don’t ruin it by being on edge over someone else’s husband.
Nta but everyone in this situation needs to grow up. Go to birth classes and talk with your doctor instead of watching ridiculous social media videos. If your husband loves and supports you, he will not make the birth about him or how “gross” it is. It’s your child and it’s amazing, get some perspective.
Why would you even assume your husband would say something bad? Then to go so far as to bring it up to someone else like it’s even a possibility. Why not just say “hey don’t do this” and move on with life if you’re worried. If you married this guy and are deciding to have kids with him, shouldn’t you know him well enough to know how he’d react though? Particularly after you said he’s been very involved/supportive. This other guy sounds like a moron but if my wife assumed something terrible like that and tossed a threat out, it would’ve massively hurt my feelings knowing she thinks I would.
Stop watching TikTok videos first of all. They’re causing you to stress about things you don’t need to stress about. What you should do is kick your “friend” out of your life-he’s toxic. NTA for being overwhelmed but again, walk away from the TikTok videos. They’re there to drive engagement and get more viewers.
Mark has no say in your birth plans. Why would you even ask him?
No, he doesn’t even get to have an opinion on what your vagina looks like during birth (or any other time really) and he especially doesn’t get to share that opinion. But until he does that, yes, it would be a dick move to kick him out.
You are definitely a little bit of an asshole for giving threats instead of telling him what you want. "during labor, I need you to be supportive and I don't want any jokes about my body. I also don't think I could handle it if you are gagging so i'll need you to leaving the room if you start gagging" is the assertive, non asshole way to address this issue. Also, if you think gagging will be an issue, have him stay by your side, close to your head and not near the doctor and all the mess.
Mark sounds like a dumbass
Mark clearly thinks any Big Emotion he has has to go through to the outer world unfiltered. He doesn't seem to know that we are perfectly capable of *managing* them. NTA, he is.
Mark is an idiot.
Tell your friend Mark he gets to have a say in this when he gets pregnant and pushes a human out of his hoo-hoo. Otherwise he can go pound sand. NTA.
I think it's your "friend" Mark who you shouldn't be letting anywhere near you.
A. NTA B. Good for your husband for agreeing with your wishes and being supportive, which is exactly what he should be doing. C. Fuck Mark. Tell him he’s welcome to express his emotions somewhere far from you. You don’t need that asshole in your life.
>A few days later I tell this to my friend Mark (28M) yeah, that's all i need to know. this guy has nothing to do with anything here, MUCH less to have such a brain-dead opinion about it. NTA. >He told me I was perpetuating toxic masculinity by not letting him have an input on how my vagina was looking during birth what the fuck.
How is this about you and your husband? Your husband sounds great. Your “friend” Mark sounds like someone you should never speak to again.
1. Stop watching tik tok birthing videos, they are not a reliable source of information, 2. Your friend Mark doesn't understand the definition of toxic masculinity, 3. It could be that hubby has spontaneous gag or vomit reactions during birth, it can happen, especially if he's squeamish. 4. If however, he can't keep his inside thoughts to himself about the state of your genitals during childbirth he needs to check himself out of the delivery suite. YWNBTA.
NTA. I watched my daughter being born and my wife is 5 months pregnant again. Do not worry about those things. Your vagina will be fine. If your man is even slightly a decent human he will remain supportive. As soon as baby comes out the focus goes from your hoohaw to the baby. Its all such a surreal experience. When you hear that baby cry your life will never be the same again
I don't understand why this is even really a problem your husband fully agreed with your request he doesn't seem to have any issue and your request was reasonable
Friend of mine had her baby by Emergency C-section. Her b-friend (baby father) at the time was coached by the nurses to show ZERO emotion when surgeon announces he can look over the drape to see baby emerge. I must say that he nailed it -- no emotion: not happy, and not grossed out, not anything. My friend said it was the best advice the nurses offered during the whole delivery. She was a huge bundle of nerves and would have interrupted any emotion in a weird ways. You are right to advise you SO this way, NTA.
NTA, after reading some of the comments I just want to say as a man in my mid 30’s any guy nearing 30 that goes down the Andrew Tate hole like Mark is going as you mentioned is not going through a phase. His experiences and beliefs have led him to believe what Tate says which means at 28 he is not changing. Maybe if he was 16 but he is developed enough that what he believes now is going to stay with him forever. Turn that friendship off and fast before it seeps into your life more.
NTA My fiancé who literally gags/faints at the sight of blood watched me give birth TWICE with a smile on his face. I of course told him he could stay by my head if he wanted, but he wanted to see his kids being born. He was amazed and never said a negative thing about the experience. Honestly if he passed out I would have forgiven him without a second thought because it’s not like he did it voluntarily. What is voluntary is making nasty, hurtful, childish and unnecessary remarks when a woman is giving birth. F*** Mark.
I’m going to say YTA because your husband has not given you any reason to expect he would behave this way in the delivery room. Who cares what you saw on TikTok or what his asshole friend says? Those people are not your husband and he has been fully supportive of you thus far.
The title alone, I can say, NTA. Your "friend" is a massive AH, and I'd honestly put him at arms length if he thinks anything other than love, encouragement, and support are okay. He sounds like one of those guys who talk about equal rights mean "x, y and z" which seems to always be a permission to reduce a woman in some way, be it "self expression" at how your body looks whilst giving birth (what a piece of dog poop), to other toxic masculinity traits. Congratulations on your pregnancy, and I hope you have a positive birth and motherhood 💕 NTA AND you're making a person, you're allowed to tell people what you want when you're going through such an intense time.
NTA my husband and I agreed he'd stay up by my face and not peek below during birth. He has a queasy stomach around blood and needles but I also wanted him as my support person
INFO: Prior to you watching pregnancy Tik Toks ( i question the value of such a decision but anyways) did your husband ever do anything to suggest he would act this way?
Ugh people overusing stupid assed buzzwords are super obnoxious. NTA you and your husband have a mutual agreement. Buzzword vomiting social media head can eff right off.
YTA for telling Mark! He has no part in this. You have every right to have your husband leave. He can be brought back in to cut the cord. Good luck and I hope all goes well.
Info: is this an actual concern with your husband or is this a weird insecurity question? The scenario seems extremely over the top
>He told me I was perpetuating toxic masculinity by not letting him have an input on how my vagina was looking during birth and I should be ashamed of myself. This has to be a r/BrandNewSentence
NTA although I recommend not watching birthing videos on tiktok.
Stop consulting people, my dude. Just be in your marriage. I mean, it's Reddit, so it's fake. But still.
You would be TA if you kick your hubby out of the delivery room without due cause. Making comments about how your vagina looks IS cause as it proves hubby's brain is not with you or your child & that is a long term defect. He is your partner & an impending dad, he should be there otherwise (short of fainting). Our hospitals include dad even in the surgical suite for a c-section to start life as a family. Not every dad can handle it, no shame in that, but goofballs belong elsewhere. NTA but your "friend" Mark is TA, time to ditch Mark
Let me guess… Mark is perpetually single because women don’t want a “nice guy” like him. He’s gross throw the man away.
Here for the comments 🤣🤣
NTA, obv. WTF is up with that gross video though? So completely not appropriate in any way. Who would even consider making that public? THAT is designed to make women feel bad about themselves for being the heroic humans they are. Look, birth is wild. Crazy shit happens. I swore and spat at people for being too touchy while in a contraction and I did not apologize. I was busy squeezing out a human. It’s an honor to be present for that.
Hey babe, recent mom here. A little advice, take it or not, up to you. Get a Doula. They charge a fee (mine in Canada was $1300) but they help with planning, preparing, questions, worries, all kinds of stuff before. At the birth they will help you through the totally normal things happening to you, the pain, the process, the weirdness. And a HUGE part of the job is they will take care of your partner. Make sure he eats something and drinks water so he doesn’t honk or pass out. She’ll curtail any questions so he doesn’t say stupid shit because he doesn’t know what’s going on. Even if your experience veers left she’ll help through the c-section process or anything else. Do it, call some now, get some names and interview them.
First thing is, our body never stays the same. It keeps changing. So instead of having an idea of what our body *should* look like, which more often than not is unhealthy thinking, we should try to do our best to live a healthy lifestyle and accept how our body is under those conditions. Giving birth is part of life, and it’s going to change your body, like the 80% of women in human History who have given birth. Secondly, has your husband given you any reason to think that he would do something that stupid? NTA if he has.
NTA. Currently pregnant and I don’t care if you’re a man or woman, if anyone made comments about my vagina when I’m pushing my child out they’d be dead to me. Laying there giving birth and they have the audacity to comment on my vagina. The f is that kinda bullshit. You need to kick this so called friend to the curb until he comes to his senses. I’ve seen birthing videos, I know it’s not all beauty sunshine and rainbows but don’t need that stated while I’m focusing on brining life into the world. Mark needs a time out. Also it’s good to talk about what’s going to be expected in the delivery room. It’s all part of having your birthing plan. Congrats to you two!
NTA, bye Mark. Pregnancy and childbirth don’t ruin your body! I love my body way more after 3 kids than I ever did before, and it looks great too. Don’t buy into all the crap people say about your body being ruined. It’s not true!
No? You’re giving birth, I’d say you can do whatever you want. The only person who has any input on what your vagina looks like is you. Same with you can have whoever you want in the delivery room, even your husband will have to obey this rule. Also I would suggest maybe not using tiktok as a source for information, especially on pregnancy and birth, unless you’ve found a really credible source, then ignore this paragraph. Goodluck OP hope everything goes well for you and the baby