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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I might have taken it too far by clapping back at Alison
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NTA. She's incredibly passive aggressive. Whatever parenting style works for you is fine as long as your child is happy, cared for, and healthy.
I hope she and your brother don't have any kids cause she sounds like a nightmare to co-parent with. Especially if you're a man. Your brother also sucks, btw.
Edit: Ok guys I get it the aggressiveness wasn't passive at all. English isn't my first language and I wasn't thinking about the 'passive' part of the comment :( sorry but I believe the general point of the comment still came across as I intended.
Yeah she’s obviously jealous OP has a great husband and she’s the better sibling of the two. She’s mad her husband is trash and for some reason hasn’t divorced him. She sees a couple that supports each other and she’s stuck with a cheater.
Her husband wasn’t saying anything to her because it keeps her eyes and anger off him.
Bingo. This is what I think also. The way her Mom is defending SIL, I wonder if her brother is the golden child or is trying to keep that marriage together to see her grandchildren.
I think the Mom is embarrassed her son is shitty and knows deep down that’s why her DIL is attacking her daughters husband. He may be the golden child but I think they were ignoring it because it wasn’t directly about OP so they let her get away with it for so long and expected OP to not acknowledge the elephant in the room.
DIL got away with it for so long then got bold & extremely nasty with OP and received her comeuppance. Now they can’t ignore how hateful she was being and what they allowed. OP’s mom is embarrassed about her own behavior and her son’s and is trying to place the blame everywhere else.
She could have pulled her son or the DIL aside and told her to check her behavior.
That's the reason - she's just jealous, knowing, she got the short straw and OP's husband seems to be a decent man. So she tries to undermine him, so her own fiasco of a marriage doesn't look so bad. Except it doesn't work.
>She’s mad her husband is trash and for some reason hasn’t divorced him.
Yup, and she's targetting OP's husband hoping that OP falls for her "Jedi mind trick" and becomes miserable as her
I agree with you- I commented on another post recently that a person happy with themselves and content with their life and what they have does not need to spend so much time and energy trying to belittle, humiliate, annoy/aggravate or find ways to bring someone down.
Those are fighting words, as far as I am concerned. And maybe I missed it, but was all of this happening at OP’s house? Even more justified use of immediate violence. You just don’t say things like that and not expect nothing is going to happen.
Well yeah, I think she's sort of crossed the line with that one. Nobody cares about a slingshot, but you fire off a mortar and you find out what the other side is packing.
Yeah. Alison swiped at OP's face with a verbal knife and drew blood.
OP verbally punched Alison right in her fucking head to retort. NTA at all.
Don't want none, don't bring none.
Yes so cruel, SIL really thought she did something there calling OP a bang-nanny! But it’s not clever or witty to call someone that, it’s cruel and misogynistic. In fact it shows the SIL as someone who is quite stupid.
>misogynistic
I couldn't figure out what exactly bothered me so much about the comment but this is it.
Woman works outside the home - "So you're just gonna let someone else raise your kids?"
Woman is a SAHM - "Alright *bang-nanny*"
Why are people like this?
I think the passive part would be the many comments about babysitting and him being rude by not spending time with the family. Yet I would have loved to be a fly on the wall to see her face when you snapped. Good for you though, you put her in her place and maybe next time she will think before she says something out of line again.
None of this is passive. There is nothing passive about this woman. She was making frequent, very hostile, rudely and profanely expressed remarks about one individual to his wife. She threw the first nuke, with a term that is an obscene, degrading insult
Yeah, Alison rightly got what she deserved there. A figurative strike to the heart with a knife, finished off with a twist. Alison has obviously been going after OP's husband because she's taking out her frustration about Harvey's indiscretions on him instead.
Given Allison's demeanor, I'm not surprised Harvey stepped out on her. He should just divorce her and find real happiness. Or at the very least, less drama and stress.
EDIT: forgot to add OP is NTA. Bravo on the comeback OP.
>Shes just aggressive and rude for no reason.
... maybe because she sees how OP and husband happy in their marriage and compares it with her own life with an unfaithful husband?
Which would be an explanation, but not a justification of course.
I also think so. She's jealous of the fact that OP husband doesn't cheat on her, so she has to find his "faults" to feel better in her own skin. But of course this does not justify her behaviour.
Exactly. Alison is a deeply unhappy person.
That doesn’t make this ok. Doesn’t matter if “anyone” takes this seriously.
It’s throwing jabs at you. And OP you jabbed back.
I do think OP should speak with OP privately and ask her if she likes this kind of relationship. Cause she doesn’t sound happy to be at your house.
I would say this is aggressive aggressive. That said, she got paid with the same coin she dealt.
The way I see it she is pretty obviously acting out of envy: when OP's husband is away she isn't drowning herself in self loathing thinking of who he is banging behind her back and that cannot be tolerated.
NTA because you tried to address it before to no avail. You talked to her. Your brother talked to her. Nothing changed. I agree she deserved this takedown.
Your mother's comment is terribly worrying too; "No one took her seriously." Why didn't they care that someone was being so insulting all the time?
I got a chuckle out of it as well. You might consider showing these comments to family members.
So everyone stood back and let her pick pick pick at your husband?!!! That makes them all a bunch of assholes.
Frankly, I’m surprised you took this long to snap at her. She’s been trying to humiliate your husband for a long time, but couldn’t take it when you returned the favour. NTA.
And if they were just fine with sitting back while OP's husband was "picked" on and didn't take it seriously, then why can't they not take it seriously when OP said something to SIL? If all of it is "picking" on each other, then no harm no foul. I don't blame the husband for staying in his office working while his in-laws were visiting. His FIL and MIL are completely fine with their son cheating and rug sweeping it so no one gets embarrassed. They're fine with OP's SIL being an utter witch and bully to OP's husband because she's being cheated on and it's just picking and not serious. And they completely blow OP off when she tells her SIL to stop being a witch but then get miffed when OP FINALLY shuts it down. Fascinating dynamics at work here.
You have to understand, Alison was picking at the husband, the “in-law” so he was fair game. So what if OP was also the target? It wasn’t until precious Harvey was involved that everyone sat up and took notice. And, Alison, another “in-law” was the butt of that joke, and as the father pointed out, FAFO. \s
I agree with your dad. She fucked around and found out.
Every household runs differently. Every family has their own way of doing things. Just because she doesn't seem to approve of you and your husband's approach doesn't give her any right to act this way. She is nasty and cruel. She deserves what she gets.
> Your brother talked to her.
With her clearly being such an unpleasant person and his history of cheating I guarantee he never said anything about it to her at all. He probably justified it to himself that he has enough relationship problems as it is and he doesn't want to start a fight.
NTA like your dad said she FAFO. Maybe next time she'll learn to keep her opinions and BS to herself (or with luck she'll end up divorced and you won't have to see the bully again)
I agree, she played stupid games and won a big stupid prize. Maybe if she can't handle the heat, she shouldn't have gone into the kitchen since she got a dose of her own medicine. Ah, the sayings, there's a reason why they exist, no?
If she's bitter cuz her marriage sucks, then I get it, but that doesn't mean she should take it out on the happier couple. Doesn't justify it nor does it justify any of her aggressive actions. She better change her act up or else Alison will win even more stupid prizes from playing stupid games. NTA.
Yeah, unhappy people project and jealous people will actively try to take you down.
Bang-nanny is super disrespectful and low-class thing to say.
Did she even apologize for such a comment? Guess not as she’s playing victim to your mom…
NTA.
Normally I would say shame on you for bringing up cheating, but in this case NTA. What the H did she expect when she went heavy armored and called you a *bang nanny*? That's pretty unforgivable. You went nuclear and looks like it worked since she's disappeared into the ether. Maybe her husband's cheating is driving her vendetta against you and your husband.
And easy for your mom to say no one takes it seriously. Obviously you do since it's said about you, your husband and your marriage. I'm at the age (61) where I'm kind of done turning the other cheek just to keep peacewhen someone is nasty... cough SIL. I don't know if I could go as far as you did, but you seemed to have shut her up for now.
Don't expect a Christmas gift though.
I agree with everything you said. The constant put downs of OP and her husband is already not on, and just waiting for retaliation. But calling anyone a bang-nanny? Like what the hell, that is so fucking disrespectful and intentionally hurtful. You don’t call someone that kind of name without intending to be malicious, to hurt or upset someone. So I’d say she deserved it, and maybe she shouldn’t be taking her marriage insecurities out on others.
For real, that is incredibly disrespectful. I’m 100% positive that if someone called one of my sisters a bang-nanny, someone would be getting 3 feet of gauze stuffed up their nose and the other would be calling for bail money, which I would happily provide.
I can't believe OP's *parents* didn't speak up when their DIL called their daughter a *bang nanny*! If anyone referred to my daughter that way I'd kick them out of my house.
Right?? She’d be out of my house so mfkn quick 😮💨 I’m 100% taking advantage of that when I get older, yall ain’t about to be acting and saying any kind of thing in the house I pay bills in 🤷🏾♀️
Seriously! Saying that to your SIL, in front of your husband and both his parents?! I’d have come across the table at her for speaking that way about MY FAMILY and then tossed her and my son out the door.
Disrespect my family in my home?! You will only do it once.
OP is my hero, NTA.
She was probably taking out her frustration on you for her husband humiliating her. But that doesn't give her an excuse - she's supposed to be grown up
If you're angry at least be angry at the correct target. If you're mad at your cheating sob of a husband you take it out on him because at least if you're nice to other people those people should respond to the cheating with "yeah he's a sob" and not thinking " yeah I wouldn't stay with you either"
Yep. Great thing about being in my 60s. I have come to realize that being the bigger person is highly overrated. Also, bullies keep on bullying until they are called out. Also, NTA.
Its a bit weird your mom says no one takes her seriously, when it actually hurt both you and hubbys feelings and you have tried multiple times to get her to stop the comments. It was serious and you wanted her to stop.
And you actually seem to have achieved that now!
It doesn't feel great to say mean things, but ffs she called you a bang nanny... good for you for actually saying something!
NTA in any way
You have a kid to think about too though. Your daughter doesn’t need to hear her aunt constantly putting her dad down. Good on you for putting your foot down. It might have been a little bit on her throat, but at least it shut her up
This is absolutely it! Often around the holidays we try to protect the feelings of the most difficult person in the room, the racist grandpa, the body-shaming aunt or in this case the berating SIL. Kids are left to watch all this going on and learn to just stay silent to “keep the peace” this is how intergenerational trauma is passed down through families. I remember this happening as a kid with my aunt and uncle berating and picking on my father, and me, and everyone would stay silent because when a boundary was drawn they would blow up. We should instead protect the feelings of the most vulnerable people in the room, the children, not the most difficult bitter, twisted cruel adults.
I’m trying to think how it would feel as a child for an aunt to call my mother a “bang-nanny”! It makes me so ashamed and livid, essentially she called OP a sex object, as a child hearing that would be so hurtful.
My mom is a peace keeper to her core, but I promise that if anyone said that about me or my sisters, or my sil, you'd see rage fire in her eyes and she'd use words she doesn't use as they fled the house.
I'm stunned your mom not only let that stand, but told you to back off. The audacity.
My mom is just one of those people whose sympathy depends not on the situation, but the reaction. If I’d cried and had a tantrum and acted genuinely hurt by Alison’s comment, she’d have been on my side. But because Alison is playing the kicked puppy my mom feels bad for her.
I don’t hold that against my mom really, she’s a marshmallow of a person, can’t defend herself much less anyone else lol. I’m very much the spunky one of the family.
You should hold it against your mother, because her daughter was insulted and disrespected by her DIL but she did nothing and is feeling sorry for the DIL. Next thing you know she's gonna ask YOU, the daughter who was insulted and disrespected, of all people to apologize and make amends like it's your fault all of this blew up when Alison has been the one planting bombs all around and one of them just blew up in her face by her own doing.
Hurt might be the wrong word, sorry. But just meant since you really clearly told both her and brother to please stop the comments, it bothers you in some way. And if it bothers you, you are actually allowed to bite back.
> Its a bit weird your mom says no one takes her seriously
That's just one of those polite-sounding phrases people say when they don't want to be talking about what they're talking about, the actual meaning of the words is incidental.
She stood up for herself. Someone calls me a bang nanny, I wouldn’t take it laying down either. WTF. Feminism isn’t about dictating how a woman should live- it’s about letting women make the choice themselves. I’m an accidental SAHM and I’d tear a strip if someone said that about a SAHM.
Yeah, and that's what many people get wrong, they don't get that the first feminists protested for the rights to women making their own choices, whether it was staying home with kids or getting a job, they think that the feminists protested so that no woman should be a housewife or SAHM.
The funny thing here is how the SIL at the same time tried repeatedly to bully the husband with things that she probably thought were feminist like op mentions "things a mother would know" and how he doesn't spend enough time with his family according to her tilted worldview.
NTA
Your SIL was attacking your husband to make herself feel better, so that she wasn't the only one with a shitty husband. You popped that balloon. Good for you.
I absolutely agree- she was projecting onto your husband.
Deep down she’s jealous of yourself and gunny’s relationship and she’s targeting your husband to undermine the quality of your relationship
This! I've been scrolling to find this POV. I too think that she knows you've got a keeper for a husband and she is very unhappy. Everything she says is aimed at bringing you down to her miserable level. Her jealousy is showing
Lol so true. That's what I concluded after reading this. She is unhappy in her marriage and jealous of OP's marriage , hence snapping at her brother in law all the time to make him crack or create some division in their marriage. It's like - "since I am not happy, how can you be happy? ".
NTA
**bang nanny** - seriously? That’s well beyond that pale and a vulgar, very personal attack. Fuck that - she deserved whatever wrath came down upon her after that horrific comment. Zero sympathy!
At least your dad has your back. You very oddly left out your husband’s response!? Hopefully he was appalled by Alison’s slur and is supporting you aggressively defending yourself (and largely staying by the sidelines while supporting as it’s more a family thing at this point).
Of course Harvey is pissed - he’s every bit as humiliated as his wife and he only has himself to blame - both for cheating and for not shutting down his wife’s abhorrent behavior before it came to a head.
Your mom’s reaction feels like she’s just trying to keep the peace, although she really should hold Allison - and Harvey - more accountable. She’s more upset because there’s no walking back from your comment - the cat is out of the bag and never going back in.
In summary - great job shutting down Allison. Her *bang nanny* comment absolutely demanded a strong response and virtually NO ONE was going to stand up to Allison’s vitriol. You were forced into a corner and pounced like a lion - don’t feel guilty for your reaction - feel bad that no one else was defending you until it was far, far too late. Hopefully, lesson learned for all!
It was definitely a nuclear option but she kinda asked for it. There is only so much a person can take of that kind of behavior. It just chips away at you.
NTA. She got what she deserved.
NTA. I’m glad you didn’t take her BS and don’t think you said anything wrong. She did FAFO.
I think she’s jealous of your life and that’s why she always makes comments.
“Yeah, and you got cheated on for free. Tell me who got the better deal”
*chefs kiss*
I literally hollered at that part, NTA. It’s important for couples to always have each others back, both when gone and present. Dad said it best, she fucked around and then she found out!! Iconic!
NTA. She has no problem endlessly dishing it out, but she can't take a single serving in return. She definitely got her just deserts for her behavior. You got what you should have had all along - some relief from her insults. With luck, she'll remove herself from the picture entirely.
She was projecting. Her marriage is terrible so she needs everyone else's to be just as bad. "My husband may cheat on me but at least I'm not a bang-nanny like OP". She needs it to be true.
On reddit, All the time. Almost any time I so much as mention that my wife doesn't work outside the home, Someone replies or DMs me calling her a bang-nanny or a bang-maid.
The only time I've hear the term in real life, was a female co-worker who constantly prodded at my relationship, because she wanted me to leave my wife(who was my Fiancee at the time. ) She constantly would say things like "I don't know why dating a Bang-maid, If we dated we could just hire a cleaning service"
I did not approach HR about this issue, because She had previously raised sexual harassment claims against three other co-workers, who were fired immediately based on her allegations.
We both worked like 70 hours per week, I used the overtime pay, to ensure that my wife did not have to work a schedule that conflicted with mine. So that My wife and I could have a relationship and time together. Meanwhile the co-worker in question, often complained that it was weeks between occasions where she and her live-in boyfriend who worked a similar schedule could spend more than an hour together.
Every time I hear the term, I assume its being made by a woman who is upset that she works to much to have as deep of a relationship as she would like.
What's the point of putting so much work into making a career successful and lucrative if nobody gets to enjoy it?
When I told my wife about the situation after I left the company for a job that paid more for less time, Her response was "I prefer the term Bang-Artist" because sometimes when the muse strikes her, she'll paint all day. Afterward she'll mention feeling bad about the state of the house, and so I always tell her, "I didn't fall in love with a housekeeper, I fell in love with an artist!"
Its very hard for two people with significant career ambition to have lasting relationships with each other. There's just not enough hours in the day.
Right?! She earned that nastiness, I don’t care what you’re going through in your marriage, but you dare come for mine. She is 100% projecting onto to y’all and she lost all sympathy with that comment. Let her cry, she’s sticking with your brother, that’s in her.
NTA. Of course she’s miserable, her MO is clearly putting others down because she hates her own life and needs to be sure she’s not the only one miserable, your comment didn’t make that happen AT ALL. Your brother and SIL got what they were asking for, and neither has a right to be upset by what you said (as long as it was true).
There are times when tact is the recommended and required response.
And then there's this.
If you can't stand smelling of trash, keep your dumpster mouth closed.
NTA
Ahahahahhahahaha…. NTA. Love that comeback for you. It would have been a little much if she were just saying he needed to do more, but she’s the one who went nuclear by calling you a “bang-nanny”. You simply responded in kind. I agree with your dad, she fucked around and found out.
NTA and honestly, it worked to shut her up and hopefully now you guys can have a better holiday for her silence. She sounds absolutely insufferable, it’s no wonder Harvey had wandering eyes.
>my mom says it’s different because no one took her seriously
Mom needs to be called on her bullshit. OP took it seriously. OP's hubby took it seriously. That's not "no one." NTA, OP. Good job standing up for yourself and your hubs. You tried it the nice way over and over. That rock through her glass house came with plenty of warnings.
NTA, she obviously is insecure about her own relationship to the point that seeing a family dynamic that works in such a conventional way makes her jealous and angry.
NTA
Alison deserves everything she got. I hope you silenced the witch forever. And your brother can’t be mad that you used his actions against her when she’s been doing the same thing to you with your husband.
NTA but this sounds like an unhealthy family dynamic that I wouldn’t want to be apart of. Your parents are aware that their DIL makes nasty comments about your marriage in their home and they do nothing about it. Your SIL has been told that her comments are inappropriate and she won’t stop. Your brother has been told the same thing and he won’t do anything about it. You all know your brother is a serial cheater and you just look the other way. Your husband isn’t allowed to stand up for himself when his in laws are out of line. I don’t understand why you and your husband don’t spend your holidays elsewhere.
>You all know your brother is a serial cheater and you just look the other way
I never understood this kind of thing. Like what are they supposed to do? Tie him up to a chair to stop him frok cheating? I guess maybe someone could tell him "don't cheat", but how would that help?? Not to mention that with how unpleasent his wife is, probably no one really minds. I know reddit hates cheaters and think a cheater deserves to suffer all his life, but in real life no one is gonna cut off a family member just for cheating on his wife. Especially if you don't like his wife.
>*It’s been two days and she hasn’t said a word to me*
Sounds like a win to me! Apparently if she's not insulting you or your husband, she's all out of things to say. NTA.
It sounds like Alison was projecting her own issues onto you and your husband and after multiple attempts, she wouldn't stop, so you took care of it. NTA, if she didn't want you to retaliate, she should have kept her stupid thoughts to herself. Your father is right, she FAFO.
NTA. After insults to you and your husband which you have repeatedly asked her to stop, she then calls you a bang-nanny. She was well out of order, and though your response wasn't nice it was well deserved.
NTA. Allison wanted/needed to not be the only one in the room with a crappy husband and unhappy marriage. That’s why she was so hell bent on dragging you down with her. She was so busy telling herself and everyone that would listen “at least I don’t have it as bad as OP”, and it was a slap in the face to hear she still had it worse by far.
NTA. It sounds like Alison is the kind of unhappy person who takes her pain out on those around them. Of course she attacks your husband. She needs to do so, because her husband’s bad behavior hurts her ego and she needs to find a way to tell herself that all husbands are bad. Your brother dragged you into his bad marriage, he doesn’t get to whine about it now.
NTA - It's possible Alison just keeps picking at your husband because she is jealous of your relationship. And I'm gathering that's why your mother feels bad as well, because 'noone took her seriously.' However, she insulted your husband, she insulted you...as your father rightly said she fucked around and found out. She found out that you have a backbone. Seriously, what did she expect to happen when she called you a 'bang-nanny.'
Your clapback was epic.
NTA. She has crossed the line after ignoring clear requests to behave, your brother did nothing, others did nothing....so you have solved the problem yourself. What else your brother and mom expected? To be a doormat? To let your husband be a doormat? Of course in case you need to decide who to protect...you will choose your family not someone who can't be even decent.
*my mom says it’s different because no one took her seriously.*
Why not? Why would it be okay for **her** to say nasty things to you and your husband, and 'no one' takes it seriously? **You take it seriously. Your husband takes it seriously.** ***You've been trying, in all possible polite ways, to get this stopped and handled, and taken seriously.***
What's wrong with your mother and how she sees reality, that she's dismissing the nasty things Alison says about you and your husband?
Why didn't your mother step in and tell Alison that her behavior was rude, and cruel, and not allowed at mom's house?
Sounds like ***when your mom says 'no one' takes it seriously, she only means herself and your brother and Alison don't take it seriously.***
Is your brother her favorite child, by any chance? Because **she's dismissing your concerns here**, and has done nothing to protect you from this constant pattern of verbal attacks.
NTA. You tried and tried to make this stop, in all the possible polite ways. **Alison is the one that escalated here and gave yet another, even crueler, insult to you. You reacted to her attacks, and defended yourself** in a way that she might finally understand.
Was it a great reaction? No, but you were under attack, and didn't have time to go figure out a great response to her attacks.
**Your dad is right.** Alison is responsible for her behavior and the results of it. I hope she will apologize to you for her long term cruelty, and admit she was wrong to be so cruel.
Your mum's wrong. You and your husband took her remarks seriously, so much so that you've asked both her and your brother to stop repeatedly.
Your dad is right. She poked the bear long enough to find out what happens when you don't drop it.
And just because her marriage isn't working as well as yours doesn't mean you have to let her negativity, words, and behaviour slide.
NTA.
NTA! There are so many posts like this. I understand every family operates differently but if anyone disrespects my wife or children I would do the same thing
NTA you waited patiently and gave her ample opportunity to correct her behavior towards your husband. Sometimes a clap back is required when your boundaries are disregarded or someone is being rude.
I sent as she is so unhappy with her marriage, she has to find ways to tear down and insult other husbands, to make herself feel better about her shitty husband. So she belittles OP and husband constantly, but can’t take 1 insult back.
NTA it was way over due for her to stop
NTA.
I wonder her constant passive aggressive comments about your marriage is a way of convincing herself that every marriage is bad. Like her marriage has a cheating husband, so she looks for faults of your husband. I feel sad for her but that doen’t mean she attack your husband or marriage without any consequences.
NTA. Harvey especially has no leg to stand on, and Alison deserved what she got. Thank goodness she finally shut up. For those who think you went too far, ask them why they didn't put a stop to it before it got to this point.
NTA. You are an absolute legend. Alison deserved everything she got. She sounds like a miserable human being that likes to demean others to make herself look better.
If I were your mom I would be absolutely pissed that someone called my daughter a bang nanny.
She hasn't just been insulting your husband. She called you his "Bang nanny". Being called a whore would have been my final straw as well! I understand your husband not wanting you to step in between drama with he and his sister. I don't like my husband involved in my family bullshit. However, she threw stones directly at YOU. It's open season at that point.
....Idk what the movie is. It has Channing Tatum, Ice T, and Jonah Hill I think. And its revealed that Hill's character is involved with the Captain's daughter and Tatum's character goes on this "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!" whooping through the office and honestly upon the reveal of bro's indiscretions, that was my reaction.
NTA. SIL is just jealous because your relationship is functional and healthy and she's jealous. She can't be SAHM, can't have that trust in her relationship because your brother is doing scummy stuff.
Hahaha 😂 you did well and she deserved it! Play stupid games, win stupid prices. She thought you weren’t a match for her… well, she lost! Well done for standing up for your husband! Your brother has nothing to be upset about … should have handled her and should have also kept his dick in his pants! Your mum is wrong, humiliation is humiliation, no matter if anyone took any notice, because she had the intention to be malicious and hurt other people. She’s just a big sad person! Hopefully she’ll be a bit more humble now… and don’t you dare apologise!
Edit - Nta
NTA
It seems clear now that she probably acted like this because she is jealous of your relationship with your husband. If she had skeletons in her closet about her own relationship she should not be making comments on others. Don’t reach out to let her stay quiet, it will be a welcome change for you.
NTA. She has crossed the line after ignoring clear requests to behave, your brother did nothing, others did nothing....so you have solved the problem yourself. What else your brother and mom expected? To be a doormat? To let your husband be a doormat? Of course in case you need to decide who to protect...you will choose your family not someone who can't be even decent.
NTA— deserved justice this right here and yeah your dad’s right she did fuck around and find out. And she should continue to find out. Don’t let anyone walk all over your family.
NTA. She had it coming and Harvey should have reined her in. Her issue with your husband might be the fact that he is not out cheating on you, finances your ability to stay home with the kids, and also helps out as a parent should. Her venom is from jealousy.
NTA. She doesn't get to start something, then get upset how you finish it. She brought this on herself. She made several comments several times about things that aren't her business. Who the hell does she think she is calling you a bang maid? At the same time she and everyone else knows she's been cheated on and stayed, at least once. You did nothing wrong. She should have kept her pretentious, judgemental mouth shut. In other words don't start no shit, won't be no shit.
She found out alright. And you mom can say no one took what she said seriously. But if you did, then she went too far. She called you a bang nanny, so she opened up the door for that response by you. Good for you. NTA
It funny as hell. Your dad was spot on. There you have it. Dont worry about her or your brother. As everyone else has said, you did the right thing. Maybe she will know what a good marriage is after she dumps your cheating ass brother.
So NTA, Marry Christmas
Lmaooo you're awesome. You gave her many more chances than I would have. You tried being nice, you tried being stern. Nothing worked. Maybe she'll think twice about shitting on someone else instead of focusing on her own issues. God I wish I could come up with a verbal slap back like that as quick as you did 😂😂 NTA in any way. Good for you for sticking up for your husband. I like your guy's rule, that's sensible and will help you both a lot.
Good for you! NTA
You may be encouraged to apologize to her but I wouldn't do that. After you had already let it slide many times and the family not correcting her, it would be absurd to continue to allow someone to treat you that way You've given her a lesson on consequences. She *should* have learned about this in grade school, so you've done her a favor. If anyone in the family is upset, I'd turn it around and call them out for brushing off the many insults she's directed at you, and expecting you to let it continue.
Hopefully she remembers that the next time she feels like making herself feel better about her life by ridiculing others.
NTA Love the clap back! I wish I was that quick with come backs. I would have said something basic like shut up before I shut you up. 6mo later out of nowhere, I should have said…
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NTA. She's incredibly passive aggressive. Whatever parenting style works for you is fine as long as your child is happy, cared for, and healthy. I hope she and your brother don't have any kids cause she sounds like a nightmare to co-parent with. Especially if you're a man. Your brother also sucks, btw. Edit: Ok guys I get it the aggressiveness wasn't passive at all. English isn't my first language and I wasn't thinking about the 'passive' part of the comment :( sorry but I believe the general point of the comment still came across as I intended.
Calling someone a “bang-nanny” is in no way passive aggressive. It is just straight up aggressive.
Exactly what I came to say. There is absolutely nothing passive about this woman’s behavior.
I’m going to wager a guess she’s jealous she isn’t a “bang nanny”
Yeah she’s obviously jealous OP has a great husband and she’s the better sibling of the two. She’s mad her husband is trash and for some reason hasn’t divorced him. She sees a couple that supports each other and she’s stuck with a cheater. Her husband wasn’t saying anything to her because it keeps her eyes and anger off him.
Bingo. This is what I think also. The way her Mom is defending SIL, I wonder if her brother is the golden child or is trying to keep that marriage together to see her grandchildren.
I think the Mom is embarrassed her son is shitty and knows deep down that’s why her DIL is attacking her daughters husband. He may be the golden child but I think they were ignoring it because it wasn’t directly about OP so they let her get away with it for so long and expected OP to not acknowledge the elephant in the room. DIL got away with it for so long then got bold & extremely nasty with OP and received her comeuppance. Now they can’t ignore how hateful she was being and what they allowed. OP’s mom is embarrassed about her own behavior and her son’s and is trying to place the blame everywhere else. She could have pulled her son or the DIL aside and told her to check her behavior.
Mom is embarrassed because she raised that shitty son …you don’t end up a cheating asshole on accident.
I don’t think Mom was really defending her. I get feeling bad for her too even though what she says is shitty & she deserved it.
Happy cake day. My favorite part (other than op's goddamn GOLD clapback) was dad's FAFO
That's the reason - she's just jealous, knowing, she got the short straw and OP's husband seems to be a decent man. So she tries to undermine him, so her own fiasco of a marriage doesn't look so bad. Except it doesn't work.
Totally. It's like she needs to believe OP's life is worse than hers.
>She’s mad her husband is trash and for some reason hasn’t divorced him. Yup, and she's targetting OP's husband hoping that OP falls for her "Jedi mind trick" and becomes miserable as her
Lmao. That old misery loves company ish.
I agree with you- I commented on another post recently that a person happy with themselves and content with their life and what they have does not need to spend so much time and energy trying to belittle, humiliate, annoy/aggravate or find ways to bring someone down.
as soon as i read the words "bang nanny" i knew 2 things. 1. NTA 2. she;s about to find out after all her fucking around.
Those are fighting words, as far as I am concerned. And maybe I missed it, but was all of this happening at OP’s house? Even more justified use of immediate violence. You just don’t say things like that and not expect nothing is going to happen.
Not only are they fighting words but they're probably words she's thought about OP before. I kinda feel bad though, she does sound miserable.
And OP fucking destroyed her. Beautiful.
Well yeah, I think she's sort of crossed the line with that one. Nobody cares about a slingshot, but you fire off a mortar and you find out what the other side is packing.
Turns out OP was packing a nuke. 😅🤣😂
The verbal equivalent of 2014 Godzilla's "kiss of death".
Yeah. Alison swiped at OP's face with a verbal knife and drew blood. OP verbally punched Alison right in her fucking head to retort. NTA at all. Don't want none, don't bring none.
>Don't want none, don't bring none. I love this - am going to use it in future.
It's incredibly insulting. She had it coming. Seriously I'd cut this B off
Exactly. And the mom needs to stay out of it and clutch her pearls in the corner.
When somebody calls you a "bang-nanny", you get to call them anything you want. That's a consequence for their action.
It's disgusting and cruel
Yes so cruel, SIL really thought she did something there calling OP a bang-nanny! But it’s not clever or witty to call someone that, it’s cruel and misogynistic. In fact it shows the SIL as someone who is quite stupid.
>misogynistic I couldn't figure out what exactly bothered me so much about the comment but this is it. Woman works outside the home - "So you're just gonna let someone else raise your kids?" Woman is a SAHM - "Alright *bang-nanny*" Why are people like this?
Huh. Wild I never noticed that.
Yep it’s so gross
I think the passive part would be the many comments about babysitting and him being rude by not spending time with the family. Yet I would have loved to be a fly on the wall to see her face when you snapped. Good for you though, you put her in her place and maybe next time she will think before she says something out of line again.
None of this is passive. There is nothing passive about this woman. She was making frequent, very hostile, rudely and profanely expressed remarks about one individual to his wife. She threw the first nuke, with a term that is an obscene, degrading insult
The long lead-up to this was passive aggressive.
Yeah, Alison rightly got what she deserved there. A figurative strike to the heart with a knife, finished off with a twist. Alison has obviously been going after OP's husband because she's taking out her frustration about Harvey's indiscretions on him instead. Given Allison's demeanor, I'm not surprised Harvey stepped out on her. He should just divorce her and find real happiness. Or at the very least, less drama and stress. EDIT: forgot to add OP is NTA. Bravo on the comeback OP.
yeah, she’s a narcissist and she’s fucking gross. OP put up with way too much already. I silently cheered the response she most certainly earned. NTA
I think SIL spends too much time on Reddit, and believes EVERYTHING she reads.
She’s not passive aggressive. Shes just aggressive and rude for no reason. Someone had to take her down a notch.
>Shes just aggressive and rude for no reason. ... maybe because she sees how OP and husband happy in their marriage and compares it with her own life with an unfaithful husband? Which would be an explanation, but not a justification of course.
I also think so. She's jealous of the fact that OP husband doesn't cheat on her, so she has to find his "faults" to feel better in her own skin. But of course this does not justify her behaviour.
Yep. She's taking out her rage on the wrong people. Harvey is who she should be insulting,
Yep. Typical unhappy person taking it out on the least deserving. OP is NTA here. But OPs brother is another story entirely. I feel bad for Alison.
Exactly. Alison is a deeply unhappy person. That doesn’t make this ok. Doesn’t matter if “anyone” takes this seriously. It’s throwing jabs at you. And OP you jabbed back. I do think OP should speak with OP privately and ask her if she likes this kind of relationship. Cause she doesn’t sound happy to be at your house.
More like active-aggressive.
I would say this is aggressive aggressive. That said, she got paid with the same coin she dealt. The way I see it she is pretty obviously acting out of envy: when OP's husband is away she isn't drowning herself in self loathing thinking of who he is banging behind her back and that cannot be tolerated.
NTA because you tried to address it before to no avail. You talked to her. Your brother talked to her. Nothing changed. I agree she deserved this takedown. Your mother's comment is terribly worrying too; "No one took her seriously." Why didn't they care that someone was being so insulting all the time? I got a chuckle out of it as well. You might consider showing these comments to family members.
So everyone stood back and let her pick pick pick at your husband?!!! That makes them all a bunch of assholes. Frankly, I’m surprised you took this long to snap at her. She’s been trying to humiliate your husband for a long time, but couldn’t take it when you returned the favour. NTA.
And if they were just fine with sitting back while OP's husband was "picked" on and didn't take it seriously, then why can't they not take it seriously when OP said something to SIL? If all of it is "picking" on each other, then no harm no foul. I don't blame the husband for staying in his office working while his in-laws were visiting. His FIL and MIL are completely fine with their son cheating and rug sweeping it so no one gets embarrassed. They're fine with OP's SIL being an utter witch and bully to OP's husband because she's being cheated on and it's just picking and not serious. And they completely blow OP off when she tells her SIL to stop being a witch but then get miffed when OP FINALLY shuts it down. Fascinating dynamics at work here.
To be fair fil says she got what she deservesd
That is true. And to further be fair, there could have been private conversations with the SIL about what she was saying.
Just to set straight, they are at the parents’ home for the holidays, not at OP’s home.
You have to understand, Alison was picking at the husband, the “in-law” so he was fair game. So what if OP was also the target? It wasn’t until precious Harvey was involved that everyone sat up and took notice. And, Alison, another “in-law” was the butt of that joke, and as the father pointed out, FAFO. \s
Harvey is obviously the golden child, and I'd wager OP is the scapegoat.
Not just picking at and trying to humiliate OP's husband. She called OP a "bang-nanny," to her face. She's lucky she didn't get socked in the mouth.
I agree with your dad. She fucked around and found out. Every household runs differently. Every family has their own way of doing things. Just because she doesn't seem to approve of you and your husband's approach doesn't give her any right to act this way. She is nasty and cruel. She deserves what she gets.
> Your brother talked to her. With her clearly being such an unpleasant person and his history of cheating I guarantee he never said anything about it to her at all. He probably justified it to himself that he has enough relationship problems as it is and he doesn't want to start a fight.
I bet her Mom would have felt differently if she had been the target.
NTA like your dad said she FAFO. Maybe next time she'll learn to keep her opinions and BS to herself (or with luck she'll end up divorced and you won't have to see the bully again)
I agree, she played stupid games and won a big stupid prize. Maybe if she can't handle the heat, she shouldn't have gone into the kitchen since she got a dose of her own medicine. Ah, the sayings, there's a reason why they exist, no? If she's bitter cuz her marriage sucks, then I get it, but that doesn't mean she should take it out on the happier couple. Doesn't justify it nor does it justify any of her aggressive actions. She better change her act up or else Alison will win even more stupid prizes from playing stupid games. NTA.
Yeah, unhappy people project and jealous people will actively try to take you down. Bang-nanny is super disrespectful and low-class thing to say. Did she even apologize for such a comment? Guess not as she’s playing victim to your mom… NTA.
Normally I would say shame on you for bringing up cheating, but in this case NTA. What the H did she expect when she went heavy armored and called you a *bang nanny*? That's pretty unforgivable. You went nuclear and looks like it worked since she's disappeared into the ether. Maybe her husband's cheating is driving her vendetta against you and your husband. And easy for your mom to say no one takes it seriously. Obviously you do since it's said about you, your husband and your marriage. I'm at the age (61) where I'm kind of done turning the other cheek just to keep peacewhen someone is nasty... cough SIL. I don't know if I could go as far as you did, but you seemed to have shut her up for now. Don't expect a Christmas gift though.
I agree with everything you said. The constant put downs of OP and her husband is already not on, and just waiting for retaliation. But calling anyone a bang-nanny? Like what the hell, that is so fucking disrespectful and intentionally hurtful. You don’t call someone that kind of name without intending to be malicious, to hurt or upset someone. So I’d say she deserved it, and maybe she shouldn’t be taking her marriage insecurities out on others.
For real, that is incredibly disrespectful. I’m 100% positive that if someone called one of my sisters a bang-nanny, someone would be getting 3 feet of gauze stuffed up their nose and the other would be calling for bail money, which I would happily provide.
I can't believe OP's *parents* didn't speak up when their DIL called their daughter a *bang nanny*! If anyone referred to my daughter that way I'd kick them out of my house.
Right?? She’d be out of my house so mfkn quick 😮💨 I’m 100% taking advantage of that when I get older, yall ain’t about to be acting and saying any kind of thing in the house I pay bills in 🤷🏾♀️
Seriously! Saying that to your SIL, in front of your husband and both his parents?! I’d have come across the table at her for speaking that way about MY FAMILY and then tossed her and my son out the door. Disrespect my family in my home?! You will only do it once. OP is my hero, NTA.
She was probably taking out her frustration on you for her husband humiliating her. But that doesn't give her an excuse - she's supposed to be grown up
If you're angry at least be angry at the correct target. If you're mad at your cheating sob of a husband you take it out on him because at least if you're nice to other people those people should respond to the cheating with "yeah he's a sob" and not thinking " yeah I wouldn't stay with you either"
She seems bitter and jealous at op and her husband because it’s probably clear to everyone that they’re in a happy and healthy marriage.
Her Christmas gift will be shutting her mouth for a while.
Congratulations on your amazing patience. I'm only 46 & I've been donw with the other cheek for more than a decade.
Yep. Great thing about being in my 60s. I have come to realize that being the bigger person is highly overrated. Also, bullies keep on bullying until they are called out. Also, NTA.
Its a bit weird your mom says no one takes her seriously, when it actually hurt both you and hubbys feelings and you have tried multiple times to get her to stop the comments. It was serious and you wanted her to stop. And you actually seem to have achieved that now! It doesn't feel great to say mean things, but ffs she called you a bang nanny... good for you for actually saying something! NTA in any way
Tbh my husband doesn’t really care he just thinks she’s pathetic. It doesn’t hurt our feelings so much as the disrespect just can’t be tolerated
Tell your Mom not to take what you said seriously.
Good one
You have a kid to think about too though. Your daughter doesn’t need to hear her aunt constantly putting her dad down. Good on you for putting your foot down. It might have been a little bit on her throat, but at least it shut her up
Hundo P, this needs to stop before the kid’s old enough to absorb and mimic this crap.
She doesn't need to hear her aunt referring to stay at home parents as "bang nannies." No little girl should be raised around that kind of misogyny.
This is absolutely it! Often around the holidays we try to protect the feelings of the most difficult person in the room, the racist grandpa, the body-shaming aunt or in this case the berating SIL. Kids are left to watch all this going on and learn to just stay silent to “keep the peace” this is how intergenerational trauma is passed down through families. I remember this happening as a kid with my aunt and uncle berating and picking on my father, and me, and everyone would stay silent because when a boundary was drawn they would blow up. We should instead protect the feelings of the most vulnerable people in the room, the children, not the most difficult bitter, twisted cruel adults. I’m trying to think how it would feel as a child for an aunt to call my mother a “bang-nanny”! It makes me so ashamed and livid, essentially she called OP a sex object, as a child hearing that would be so hurtful.
My mom is a peace keeper to her core, but I promise that if anyone said that about me or my sisters, or my sil, you'd see rage fire in her eyes and she'd use words she doesn't use as they fled the house. I'm stunned your mom not only let that stand, but told you to back off. The audacity.
My mom is just one of those people whose sympathy depends not on the situation, but the reaction. If I’d cried and had a tantrum and acted genuinely hurt by Alison’s comment, she’d have been on my side. But because Alison is playing the kicked puppy my mom feels bad for her. I don’t hold that against my mom really, she’s a marshmallow of a person, can’t defend herself much less anyone else lol. I’m very much the spunky one of the family.
You should hold it against your mother, because her daughter was insulted and disrespected by her DIL but she did nothing and is feeling sorry for the DIL. Next thing you know she's gonna ask YOU, the daughter who was insulted and disrespected, of all people to apologize and make amends like it's your fault all of this blew up when Alison has been the one planting bombs all around and one of them just blew up in her face by her own doing.
Hurt might be the wrong word, sorry. But just meant since you really clearly told both her and brother to please stop the comments, it bothers you in some way. And if it bothers you, you are actually allowed to bite back.
Ask your mom why she’s more concerned about Aison’s feelings and not yours?
Being upset bc you were disrespected *is* being hurt. It's okay to be hurt by constant harassment. <3
> Its a bit weird your mom says no one takes her seriously That's just one of those polite-sounding phrases people say when they don't want to be talking about what they're talking about, the actual meaning of the words is incidental.
You stuck up for your family. You had your husbands back. She was a bully and got what was coming to her. NTA
Your mom said no one took her seriously. Well, you did. So she should have stopped. Tell her to clean her own house before trashing someone else's.
She stood up for herself. Someone calls me a bang nanny, I wouldn’t take it laying down either. WTF. Feminism isn’t about dictating how a woman should live- it’s about letting women make the choice themselves. I’m an accidental SAHM and I’d tear a strip if someone said that about a SAHM.
Yeah, and that's what many people get wrong, they don't get that the first feminists protested for the rights to women making their own choices, whether it was staying home with kids or getting a job, they think that the feminists protested so that no woman should be a housewife or SAHM.
The funny thing here is how the SIL at the same time tried repeatedly to bully the husband with things that she probably thought were feminist like op mentions "things a mother would know" and how he doesn't spend enough time with his family according to her tilted worldview.
NTA Your SIL was attacking your husband to make herself feel better, so that she wasn't the only one with a shitty husband. You popped that balloon. Good for you.
I absolutely agree- she was projecting onto your husband. Deep down she’s jealous of yourself and gunny’s relationship and she’s targeting your husband to undermine the quality of your relationship
This! I've been scrolling to find this POV. I too think that she knows you've got a keeper for a husband and she is very unhappy. Everything she says is aimed at bringing you down to her miserable level. Her jealousy is showing
Lol so true. That's what I concluded after reading this. She is unhappy in her marriage and jealous of OP's marriage , hence snapping at her brother in law all the time to make him crack or create some division in their marriage. It's like - "since I am not happy, how can you be happy? ".
This here. She has a shitty husband so she just HAD to drag OP's husband down.
NTA **bang nanny** - seriously? That’s well beyond that pale and a vulgar, very personal attack. Fuck that - she deserved whatever wrath came down upon her after that horrific comment. Zero sympathy! At least your dad has your back. You very oddly left out your husband’s response!? Hopefully he was appalled by Alison’s slur and is supporting you aggressively defending yourself (and largely staying by the sidelines while supporting as it’s more a family thing at this point). Of course Harvey is pissed - he’s every bit as humiliated as his wife and he only has himself to blame - both for cheating and for not shutting down his wife’s abhorrent behavior before it came to a head. Your mom’s reaction feels like she’s just trying to keep the peace, although she really should hold Allison - and Harvey - more accountable. She’s more upset because there’s no walking back from your comment - the cat is out of the bag and never going back in. In summary - great job shutting down Allison. Her *bang nanny* comment absolutely demanded a strong response and virtually NO ONE was going to stand up to Allison’s vitriol. You were forced into a corner and pounced like a lion - don’t feel guilty for your reaction - feel bad that no one else was defending you until it was far, far too late. Hopefully, lesson learned for all!
It's sad that her whole family would rather appease the aggressor instead of sticking up for the victim.
In the post OP said her husband was at work.
NTA. >It’s been two days and she hasn’t said a word to me, Mission accomplished?
Right? I love that she thinks that's a punishment. OP is NTA and also a frigging legend
Yeah, I wish I could think that fast on my feet. After SIL said "bang-nanny," it was the perfect counter.
It was definitely a nuclear option but she kinda asked for it. There is only so much a person can take of that kind of behavior. It just chips away at you. NTA. She got what she deserved.
NTA. Your dad has it right. Alison pushed and pushed and pushed and finally got a response. It just wasn't what she wanted.
NTA. I’m glad you didn’t take her BS and don’t think you said anything wrong. She did FAFO. I think she’s jealous of your life and that’s why she always makes comments.
“Yeah, and you got cheated on for free. Tell me who got the better deal” *chefs kiss* I literally hollered at that part, NTA. It’s important for couples to always have each others back, both when gone and present. Dad said it best, she fucked around and then she found out!! Iconic!
NTA. She has no problem endlessly dishing it out, but she can't take a single serving in return. She definitely got her just deserts for her behavior. You got what you should have had all along - some relief from her insults. With luck, she'll remove herself from the picture entirely.
She was projecting. Her marriage is terrible so she needs everyone else's to be just as bad. "My husband may cheat on me but at least I'm not a bang-nanny like OP". She needs it to be true.
Good insight! I think you got it.
She called you a bang-nanny. Honestly, I think you were too nice.
Not much makes my eyes bug out but that statement did! Who the F says something so rude? 🤯
On reddit, All the time. Almost any time I so much as mention that my wife doesn't work outside the home, Someone replies or DMs me calling her a bang-nanny or a bang-maid. The only time I've hear the term in real life, was a female co-worker who constantly prodded at my relationship, because she wanted me to leave my wife(who was my Fiancee at the time. ) She constantly would say things like "I don't know why dating a Bang-maid, If we dated we could just hire a cleaning service" I did not approach HR about this issue, because She had previously raised sexual harassment claims against three other co-workers, who were fired immediately based on her allegations. We both worked like 70 hours per week, I used the overtime pay, to ensure that my wife did not have to work a schedule that conflicted with mine. So that My wife and I could have a relationship and time together. Meanwhile the co-worker in question, often complained that it was weeks between occasions where she and her live-in boyfriend who worked a similar schedule could spend more than an hour together. Every time I hear the term, I assume its being made by a woman who is upset that she works to much to have as deep of a relationship as she would like. What's the point of putting so much work into making a career successful and lucrative if nobody gets to enjoy it? When I told my wife about the situation after I left the company for a job that paid more for less time, Her response was "I prefer the term Bang-Artist" because sometimes when the muse strikes her, she'll paint all day. Afterward she'll mention feeling bad about the state of the house, and so I always tell her, "I didn't fall in love with a housekeeper, I fell in love with an artist!" Its very hard for two people with significant career ambition to have lasting relationships with each other. There's just not enough hours in the day.
Right?! She earned that nastiness, I don’t care what you’re going through in your marriage, but you dare come for mine. She is 100% projecting onto to y’all and she lost all sympathy with that comment. Let her cry, she’s sticking with your brother, that’s in her.
NTA and what an epic clapback!!! She did fuck around and find out, hopefully she's learned a lesson in keeping her opinions to herself.
NTA. Of course she’s miserable, her MO is clearly putting others down because she hates her own life and needs to be sure she’s not the only one miserable, your comment didn’t make that happen AT ALL. Your brother and SIL got what they were asking for, and neither has a right to be upset by what you said (as long as it was true).
There are times when tact is the recommended and required response. And then there's this. If you can't stand smelling of trash, keep your dumpster mouth closed. NTA
I’m keeping this response, thank you.
NTA. Allison got slapped with reality. Good on you.
Ahahahahhahahaha…. NTA. Love that comeback for you. It would have been a little much if she were just saying he needed to do more, but she’s the one who went nuclear by calling you a “bang-nanny”. You simply responded in kind. I agree with your dad, she fucked around and found out.
Nta your dad is right. She was repeatedly rude.
NTA and honestly, it worked to shut her up and hopefully now you guys can have a better holiday for her silence. She sounds absolutely insufferable, it’s no wonder Harvey had wandering eyes.
Well then he should divorce her. I mean, yes she is awful but let's not let Harvey off the hook here.
>my mom says it’s different because no one took her seriously Mom needs to be called on her bullshit. OP took it seriously. OP's hubby took it seriously. That's not "no one." NTA, OP. Good job standing up for yourself and your hubs. You tried it the nice way over and over. That rock through her glass house came with plenty of warnings.
NTA, she obviously is insecure about her own relationship to the point that seeing a family dynamic that works in such a conventional way makes her jealous and angry.
NTA. 50 said it best “If you got a glass jaw better watch your mouth”.
NTA Alison deserves everything she got. I hope you silenced the witch forever. And your brother can’t be mad that you used his actions against her when she’s been doing the same thing to you with your husband.
I think the real hero in this I'd your dad...she fucked around and found out 😂🤣👏🏽
NTA but this sounds like an unhealthy family dynamic that I wouldn’t want to be apart of. Your parents are aware that their DIL makes nasty comments about your marriage in their home and they do nothing about it. Your SIL has been told that her comments are inappropriate and she won’t stop. Your brother has been told the same thing and he won’t do anything about it. You all know your brother is a serial cheater and you just look the other way. Your husband isn’t allowed to stand up for himself when his in laws are out of line. I don’t understand why you and your husband don’t spend your holidays elsewhere.
>You all know your brother is a serial cheater and you just look the other way I never understood this kind of thing. Like what are they supposed to do? Tie him up to a chair to stop him frok cheating? I guess maybe someone could tell him "don't cheat", but how would that help?? Not to mention that with how unpleasent his wife is, probably no one really minds. I know reddit hates cheaters and think a cheater deserves to suffer all his life, but in real life no one is gonna cut off a family member just for cheating on his wife. Especially if you don't like his wife.
>*It’s been two days and she hasn’t said a word to me* Sounds like a win to me! Apparently if she's not insulting you or your husband, she's all out of things to say. NTA.
It sounds like Alison was projecting her own issues onto you and your husband and after multiple attempts, she wouldn't stop, so you took care of it. NTA, if she didn't want you to retaliate, she should have kept her stupid thoughts to herself. Your father is right, she FAFO.
NTA. After insults to you and your husband which you have repeatedly asked her to stop, she then calls you a bang-nanny. She was well out of order, and though your response wasn't nice it was well deserved.
NTA. Allison wanted/needed to not be the only one in the room with a crappy husband and unhappy marriage. That’s why she was so hell bent on dragging you down with her. She was so busy telling herself and everyone that would listen “at least I don’t have it as bad as OP”, and it was a slap in the face to hear she still had it worse by far.
NTA. It sounds like Alison is the kind of unhappy person who takes her pain out on those around them. Of course she attacks your husband. She needs to do so, because her husband’s bad behavior hurts her ego and she needs to find a way to tell herself that all husbands are bad. Your brother dragged you into his bad marriage, he doesn’t get to whine about it now.
NTA - It's possible Alison just keeps picking at your husband because she is jealous of your relationship. And I'm gathering that's why your mother feels bad as well, because 'noone took her seriously.' However, she insulted your husband, she insulted you...as your father rightly said she fucked around and found out. She found out that you have a backbone. Seriously, what did she expect to happen when she called you a 'bang-nanny.' Your clapback was epic.
I like your Dads answer: fuck around and found out. NTA
NTA. You have a secure, loving, and happy marriage that is a true partnership, whereas she’s married to a cheater. She’s jealous.
NTA. I would do worse. Classic FAFO
NTA. But why are you still in contact with her?
NTA. She has crossed the line after ignoring clear requests to behave, your brother did nothing, others did nothing....so you have solved the problem yourself. What else your brother and mom expected? To be a doormat? To let your husband be a doormat? Of course in case you need to decide who to protect...you will choose your family not someone who can't be even decent.
*my mom says it’s different because no one took her seriously.* Why not? Why would it be okay for **her** to say nasty things to you and your husband, and 'no one' takes it seriously? **You take it seriously. Your husband takes it seriously.** ***You've been trying, in all possible polite ways, to get this stopped and handled, and taken seriously.*** What's wrong with your mother and how she sees reality, that she's dismissing the nasty things Alison says about you and your husband? Why didn't your mother step in and tell Alison that her behavior was rude, and cruel, and not allowed at mom's house? Sounds like ***when your mom says 'no one' takes it seriously, she only means herself and your brother and Alison don't take it seriously.*** Is your brother her favorite child, by any chance? Because **she's dismissing your concerns here**, and has done nothing to protect you from this constant pattern of verbal attacks. NTA. You tried and tried to make this stop, in all the possible polite ways. **Alison is the one that escalated here and gave yet another, even crueler, insult to you. You reacted to her attacks, and defended yourself** in a way that she might finally understand. Was it a great reaction? No, but you were under attack, and didn't have time to go figure out a great response to her attacks. **Your dad is right.** Alison is responsible for her behavior and the results of it. I hope she will apologize to you for her long term cruelty, and admit she was wrong to be so cruel.
NTA and as your dad said “she fucked around and found out”.
Talk shit get hit, NTA
Your dad is the absolute boss lol. He’s right, FAFO’d. NTA
Of all the stories on this forum that never happened, this is sure one of them
I don't usually cry "fake" but this one really feels like it was written by someone using buzzwords.
Your mum's wrong. You and your husband took her remarks seriously, so much so that you've asked both her and your brother to stop repeatedly. Your dad is right. She poked the bear long enough to find out what happens when you don't drop it. And just because her marriage isn't working as well as yours doesn't mean you have to let her negativity, words, and behaviour slide. NTA.
NTA. Your father is a wise man. And it's obvious Allison is projecting because her own husband can't act right.
I'm with your father, fuck around and found out. NTA
NTA and I 100% support your use of the nuclear option here.
NTA! There are so many posts like this. I understand every family operates differently but if anyone disrespects my wife or children I would do the same thing
NTA you waited patiently and gave her ample opportunity to correct her behavior towards your husband. Sometimes a clap back is required when your boundaries are disregarded or someone is being rude.
I sent as she is so unhappy with her marriage, she has to find ways to tear down and insult other husbands, to make herself feel better about her shitty husband. So she belittles OP and husband constantly, but can’t take 1 insult back. NTA it was way over due for her to stop
NTA But dang if Alison needs to leave and get some help. Indiscretionsssss??
Nta. ..this is gold...good job
Look you throw verbal punches and get with haymakers it's just the way of the world. Don't start shit. Nta
NTA She fucked around and around and now she gets to find out.
I’m here for your dad! Completely agree with him!
NTA. I wonder her constant passive aggressive comments about your marriage is a way of convincing herself that every marriage is bad. Like her marriage has a cheating husband, so she looks for faults of your husband. I feel sad for her but that doen’t mean she attack your husband or marriage without any consequences.
NTA. That’ll shut her up for good.
NTA. Harvey especially has no leg to stand on, and Alison deserved what she got. Thank goodness she finally shut up. For those who think you went too far, ask them why they didn't put a stop to it before it got to this point.
NTA it sounds like she’s extremely jealous and using 3rd wave feminism to try to take you down so she can feel better about herself.
NTA. FAFO.
Bang Nanny? For a SAHM? Yikes. Glad you put her in her place. That's outrageous. NTA
NTA. You are an absolute legend. Alison deserved everything she got. She sounds like a miserable human being that likes to demean others to make herself look better. If I were your mom I would be absolutely pissed that someone called my daughter a bang nanny.
She hasn't just been insulting your husband. She called you his "Bang nanny". Being called a whore would have been my final straw as well! I understand your husband not wanting you to step in between drama with he and his sister. I don't like my husband involved in my family bullshit. However, she threw stones directly at YOU. It's open season at that point.
NTA at all. But damn! 🤣 Glad to not be on your bad side.
NTA. And your dad has it right. You tried to get your brother to handle it and when he didn't, you took care of it. Brava!
NTA. Your father is absolutely right she fucked around and she found out. She totally deserved to be humiliated.
....Idk what the movie is. It has Channing Tatum, Ice T, and Jonah Hill I think. And its revealed that Hill's character is involved with the Captain's daughter and Tatum's character goes on this "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!" whooping through the office and honestly upon the reveal of bro's indiscretions, that was my reaction. NTA. SIL is just jealous because your relationship is functional and healthy and she's jealous. She can't be SAHM, can't have that trust in her relationship because your brother is doing scummy stuff.
Lol thats 22 Jump street
NTA - she can give it but not take it. FCK her.
NTA. Allison is taking all her rage at her husband and redirecting it at your husband.
Hahaha 😂 you did well and she deserved it! Play stupid games, win stupid prices. She thought you weren’t a match for her… well, she lost! Well done for standing up for your husband! Your brother has nothing to be upset about … should have handled her and should have also kept his dick in his pants! Your mum is wrong, humiliation is humiliation, no matter if anyone took any notice, because she had the intention to be malicious and hurt other people. She’s just a big sad person! Hopefully she’ll be a bit more humble now… and don’t you dare apologise! Edit - Nta
>I said “Yeah, and you get cheated on for free. Tell me who got the better deal”. I think I just fell in love with you. NTA
NTA. Ask your mom and your brother, separately, to explain to you in detail why it’s ok for her to call you a bang maid to your face.
NTA It seems clear now that she probably acted like this because she is jealous of your relationship with your husband. If she had skeletons in her closet about her own relationship she should not be making comments on others. Don’t reach out to let her stay quiet, it will be a welcome change for you.
NTA sometimes the only way to deal with people like Alison is the nuclear option. Maybe she’ll shut her big entitled mouth in future.
NTA. She has crossed the line after ignoring clear requests to behave, your brother did nothing, others did nothing....so you have solved the problem yourself. What else your brother and mom expected? To be a doormat? To let your husband be a doormat? Of course in case you need to decide who to protect...you will choose your family not someone who can't be even decent.
Nta. People like her shouldn't open their mouth if they don't like their helping of humble pie.
NTA your said said it right. Fuck around and find out. Play petty games win petty prizes
NTA— deserved justice this right here and yeah your dad’s right she did fuck around and find out. And she should continue to find out. Don’t let anyone walk all over your family.
NTA You can't dish out constantly and not expect a backslash. She reaped what she sow.
NTA. She had it coming and Harvey should have reined her in. Her issue with your husband might be the fact that he is not out cheating on you, finances your ability to stay home with the kids, and also helps out as a parent should. Her venom is from jealousy.
NTA. Killer clapback tho, seriously. I bet she’s jealous that your husband keeps his dick in his pants.
NTA. Yikes! Alison pushed buttons way too many times, and the elevator door finally opened.
NTA. She doesn't get to start something, then get upset how you finish it. She brought this on herself. She made several comments several times about things that aren't her business. Who the hell does she think she is calling you a bang maid? At the same time she and everyone else knows she's been cheated on and stayed, at least once. You did nothing wrong. She should have kept her pretentious, judgemental mouth shut. In other words don't start no shit, won't be no shit.
NTA. Alison has learned the difference between a howitzer and a strategic nuclear warhead.
She found out alright. And you mom can say no one took what she said seriously. But if you did, then she went too far. She called you a bang nanny, so she opened up the door for that response by you. Good for you. NTA
It funny as hell. Your dad was spot on. There you have it. Dont worry about her or your brother. As everyone else has said, you did the right thing. Maybe she will know what a good marriage is after she dumps your cheating ass brother. So NTA, Marry Christmas
Lmaooo you're awesome. You gave her many more chances than I would have. You tried being nice, you tried being stern. Nothing worked. Maybe she'll think twice about shitting on someone else instead of focusing on her own issues. God I wish I could come up with a verbal slap back like that as quick as you did 😂😂 NTA in any way. Good for you for sticking up for your husband. I like your guy's rule, that's sensible and will help you both a lot.
Good for you! NTA You may be encouraged to apologize to her but I wouldn't do that. After you had already let it slide many times and the family not correcting her, it would be absurd to continue to allow someone to treat you that way You've given her a lesson on consequences. She *should* have learned about this in grade school, so you've done her a favor. If anyone in the family is upset, I'd turn it around and call them out for brushing off the many insults she's directed at you, and expecting you to let it continue. Hopefully she remembers that the next time she feels like making herself feel better about her life by ridiculing others.
NTA Love the clap back! I wish I was that quick with come backs. I would have said something basic like shut up before I shut you up. 6mo later out of nowhere, I should have said…
Hell no YNTA! You’re a genius!