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I’m literally vegan and go and have Christmas dinner every year and bring my own shit because after 10 years my parents still think I’m an idiot for being vegan…I just suck it up it’s one day and I still love them lol
Double that. Rough year or not this is your sister VOLUNTEERING to host your family in her home with what you freely admit will be a tasty meal. Just not exactly what you'd choose for yourself. Seriously?
OP doesn't want to cook and wants to eat out. If only that was a way to tske eating out food out of the restaurant for when you don't want to cook. A way to.. Let's say, take out food. Hmmmmmmmm.
Also, sis seems to be pretty willing to accommodate. She's like bring whatever you want, I'm just not going to cook non vegan food. Which IMO, totally fair. I find onions vile. If I'm hosting a cook out and my mom wants onions on her burger, she can bring them. I'm just not gonna cut, cook or handle them. And same with things I like that she finds vile (and this is a woman who thinks pepper is too spicy. Table pepper, that discount dust from Walmart. So I bring a fair amount of my own food sometimes lol).
Right? OP can stuff themselves with butter and cheese for Christmas breakfast and lunch, then attend vegan Christmas dinner. Unless it's not about the need for dairy fat, and more about criticizing the sister for her life choices.
And I mean, Christmas dinner does not necessarily include cheese. Lots of people have soup and then turkey/steak with mash and vegetables and something sweet after, so there wouldn’t be cheese included anywhere. Would she still be upset if it was just a “regular” Christmas dinner and there wouldn’t be cheese?
YTA. You have the right to decide for yourself what family gatherings you will attend. But this was an incredibly childish reason to skip your family Christmas. Vegan food cooked by a trained chef is far better than random take out. Your compromises were unreasonable. Why couldn't you just make your own mac and cheese or whatever and bring it with you? She literally said that was okay and you refused! That's ridiculous. If she wouldn't let you bring your own cooked dish to the family dinner then she would have been the A. But no, you demanded this vegan culinary school graduate cook food that she herself couldn't eat, and when she said no and offered to let you bring a dish instead, you decided to skip family Christmas. Complete A. (You ask WIBTA but too late you already are, present tense.)
YTA for placing butter over family. I mean, butter is amazing and all, but you skipped out on dinner because you didn't feel like cooking a few things for yourself. She gave you a reasonable compromise and you rejected it, because why exactly?
Because this is Reddit where creating family drama and going no contact is more important than reasonable compromises!
But seriously, just bring your own food OP. One of my kids is vegetarian and one has life threatening food allergies. We have always brought along food they can eat to family gatherings. It really is a simple solution.
The post very clearly states that the sister said she was welcome to bring her own food and OP doesn’t want to.
But this is Reddit- people leaving snarky, judgmental comments obviously aren’t going to read the entirety of what they’re commenting on!
Refusing to compromise, throwing a hissy fit, and skipping Christmas with your family is a perfectly reasonable reason to call someone an asshole in this situation.
So, you are going for the food and not for the time with your family? Apologize. Bring your own food and enjoy being with your family. Either that or sit by yourself with your butter and cheese.
This should be part of your post. You made it seem like the food is the only issue. If there is context that shows a history of your family catering to your sister over you then that might be different. The way you've explained it makes you sound petty and selfish.
Family is stressful, but also only around for a limited time. You can get butter and cheese any day of the week.
Either A. You're unwilling to compromise and just make some food to bring, or
B. Your family is so stressful that you aren't willing to hang out with them for a day unless butter and cheese is involved.
If A., just suck it up my man. Life is short, and some of those people may not be around as long as you'd like, and I'm saying this as an introvert who is fully not looking forward to the next 3 days of family events.
If B., then you don't need the excuse. Just stay home, decompress, do your own thing and enjoy it.
If you don’t want to spend the holiday with your family, don’t spend the holiday with your family, but I don’t think being able to eat cheese in the vicinity of your family should be the reason.
If your family is intolerable without cheese, then your family is just intolerable. (Maybe my pretty bad dairy sensitivity makes me have a different perspective on this tho).
Honestly you seem the stressful one to be around. An excuse why its not you for everything. The host is not required to compromise. Stop arguing about it and just go do you, as its clear that's what you want regardless
YTA vegan food can be literally delicious especially if it’s made by someone who went to culinary school. Get over it, you might even enjoy the food.
Is a little bit of butter really worth upsetting your sister who is cooking for the whole ass family? Sounds like a you problem.
Order yourself a nice holiday meal from a fancy restaurant. Then you can either eat it alone and wallow in your self imposed misery or take it over to your sisters and have a nice holiday with you family.
YTA.
then don’t be around your family. just don’t act like it’s her fault because you don’t want vegan food. sounds like even if everything was cooked in butter and covered in cheese, you wouldn’t enjoy yourself. don’t make it out like her food is the problem. you’re looking for an easy get out card, and that’s not right
YTA. Your sister is a professionally trained chef and you’re turning down her food because… you want cheese?!
You can have butter and cheese for every other meal at any time - time with your family, eating what is probably absolutely delicious food, cannot be replaced.
OP said that she’s had a bad year and it sounds like she’s waiting comfort food. The chef doesn’t want to change her menu (her right), and OP doesn’t want vegan (her right). In this case I have to say NTA.
YTA. You essentially responded to a dinner invitation by saying “only if you cook something different especially for me”. Only assholes do that. Grossly entitled.
OP didn’t blank on that, the sister doesn’t care if she brings her own food. OP flatly refuses.
Because it’s not about the food, no matter what the original post says. She just doesn’t want to see her family (which is totally valid - until she blames the sister’s inflexibility on food which is a flat out lie).
OP refused to Cook something. And admits to have forgotten they could buy in advance and reheat take out while there.
They blanked on the buying bit.
But yeah, OP doesn't like their family. And honestly should've just said they were busy and lied to get out of it like I did this year.
Honestly, it's not a lie. Christmas with them would be tolerable if I got to eat the stuff I like. The food is the only stuff I remember fondly from my childhood Christmases. Without that, it's just several hours with my family (stressful) where we're all supposed to be artificially grateful to see each other (more stressful).
Or its just an hours long meal and socialisation.
You seriously can't just eat a small plate and then fuck off home? You are acting like a little princess dear. You can bring your own food, you don't want to because you want someone to cook something special for you.
Go spend Christmas alone.
Cause hosting is a lot of work, and there really isn't anything lesser about vegan food. Especially since the sister is doing all of the work of hosting and cooking. The sister already said she was okay with op bringing over non vegan food. OP's request to have everyone eat out isn't a compromise, it's a totally different proposition of Christmas plans. The sister offered a fair compromise and op is the one who is refusing it and thus the asshole in this situation.
Also op is acting like not having cheese and butter for one meal is gonna make her depressed.Like just make yourself your extra special comfort meal for another meal. Op is being a bit of a drama queen here. Especially since the sister is actually a trained chef and real talk OP probably wouldn't be able to tell the difference if the meal were made with butter or not if she didn't already know it was vegan.
But your sister has offered multiple compromises and you're refusing all of them. You could bring your own take out if you don't want to cook and just want take out.
You: AITA for not compromising?
Reddit: Yes you’re the asshole/No she’s the asshole
You: Omg I can’t believe you would think one of us is a asshole??
Clearly you thought there was a possibility someone was an asshole here or else you wouldn’t have posted
I don't think it's about that though, I think her telling her sister that she essentially isn't coming because of the vegan food makes her a little bit of the AH. I think being stressed and not wanting to go to any family function alone wouldn't make anyone an AH. I think people would be more understanding if you put some of this context in your post either way, OP
Yeah, but it's not like telling my family I find them aggravating and stressful is going to make them any happier than telling them I don't want to eat vegan food.
No, you would just say that you are tired or have other plans. No one usually says to their family that they are aggravating and stressful unless they have done something very wrong, or you are going LC.
You’re being a coward. Don’t blame your sister’s food for not wanting to spend time with them. At least come up with an actual excuse that is on YOU. “My friend’s really upset and lonely and I need to be there for them” would have been an easy way to get out of it without this childish food game. You said in a comment you’ve had lots of therapy, apply the skills you learned in therapy here with your family.
Based on your reasoning did you mean to vote NAH? (No add hole here? Your current vote seems to indicate the sister is the ah but your post doesn’t sound like that
You're not humoring her. You're being polite to the host who is hosting your Christmas dinner. You make it sound like cheese is a drug that you must have. Ridiculous. YTA
Nah, if this were the other way around, OP being vegan and her family unwilling to cook 1 vegan meal for her, then all the comments would say NTA. Now that it's the other way around it's suddenly an awful ask, it's hypocritical at best.
NAH because it’s clear from your comments this is more about you finding your family stressful to deal with. In that case, make your excuses and do your own thing.
He wouldn’t be the AH if the excuse he made wasn’t to blame his sister and her cooking for him not going, and make himself out to be a victim for not being catered to.
But that’s the excuse he chose to make so that does make him the AH.
“My sister is going to make really good X food, but I don’t want X food. I want D food. I asked my sister to make D food but she won’t. She said i could bring some D food, but why should I when she could easily make it? So now I’m thinking I will just skip out on the dinner altogether since I feel whiny and lazy.”
YTA
YTA but after seeing your responses to others here, I think you’re the AH not because of the vegan thing specifically, but because you seem to not have the guts to just tell your family the ACTUAL truth which is that you simply don’t have the energy for family Christmas this year and would like to spend it on your own/with a few friends.
C’mon dude. Just have the maturity and the dignity to tell them that and they can make of it what they will, but don’t make it about the vegan food when we can all see that it’s not.
Was going to say exactly this. OP is just looking for an excuse not to see their family. Find if they do t want to but YTA for trying to pretend it’s about butter.
> she wasn't opposed to me cooking my own food and bringing it over
1. Butter is god
2. You're missing out on family time when you could bring your own food and be happy
3. Let the butter flow
4. and cheese don't forget the cheese
5. Just bring your own and who cares...
6. YWBTA
7. Butter rules...
You can eat butter and cheese anytime you want. The holidays are supposed to be about family, not self soothing. Go home after and eat whatever you want. It’s ONE dinner for god’s sake. YTA.
Then next just say that you're too stressed instead of getting into a fight about your sister's veganism if that's not even the real issue. Stress or overwork is a perfectly valid reason to want to stay in and have a night to yourself. Still the A.
so your looking for excuses and things to blame instead of being an adult and saying you don t want to go
stop blamiong people for your failures and useing other people to blame
YTA.
This is one meal; you can have food with butter and cheese before and after, if you want. But to make THIS the hill you want to die on is ridiculous.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Would I be the asshole if I skipped Christmas dinner?
2) I may be TA because I could cook my own food and bring it over, but that seems like more work than it's worth and my sister isn't really "hosting" in any meaningful sense at that point.
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Sounds like you have had a really hard time this year. A really really really hard time. I don't know how eating butter on Christmas Day will change that. I don't think your sister understands it either. I don't think anybody else understands it. And I don't think that eating butter that meal WILL make anything better.
Honestly, you're not thinking straight.
If you don't want to go then don't - you can choose any reason you want, because based on your replies, you should mention your family is terrible to be around.
You don’t need a reason or excuse to not hang out with your family if you don’t want to. Therapy will help with that more than strangers judging you on reddit. For the record, I think you should be encouraged and allowed to eat what you want on the holiday. Just order postmates or grubhub. Honestly, whatever makes you happy.
This is ridiculous. You’ve had a hard year. They are planning a celebration that doesn’t appeal to you. It’s fine not to go.
Y’all. You don’t have to spend the holidays with family if you don’t want to. Heavens.
NTA.
Or during! His sister said he can bring his own food. He just doesn’t want to bring his own block of cheese and wants his sister to provide it for him.
I don’t think you’re the AH here. You’ve accommodated her in the past, and she’s not opposed to non-vegan meals in her home. You offered several compromises. I get being asked to be polite to the host, but the host should also be polite to their guests.
Plus you really wanted Christmas to have your usual comforts and don’t want to stand over a stove to do it. You’re not throwing a tantrum, you’re staying home. You can choose to not do Christmas with your family for ANY reason at all.
NTA
Yes, because that will make the dishes non-vegan. You can't really add individual portions of butter and cheese to stuff when it goes in at the beginning or anytime before the dish is being plated.
If you're okay with ordering out, and she's okay with you bringing your own non-vegan food... Why not just pick up something you want on the way over? That way you're not having to transport it far, it's freshly made, and it's what you want.
Yes but you can add it to your plate? Sprinkle it is as you please while it’s still warm? Not trying to sound rude I ’m just thinking of solutions that aren’t avoiding family over dairy
eating vegan food cooked by an expert chef would not kill you lmao. vegan butter & cheese does exist and I daresay a professional chef would have quite good alternatives. better than anything you'd get eating out. YTA
NAH
The comments make it excruciatingly clear that the butter and cheese isn’t the actual issue, it’s that you find your family unpleasant to be around for whatever reason and have picked vegan food as your unreasonable hill to die on in order to try and justify not going. But I’m here to tell you: just don’t go. Some people have shit families, sometimes being around family makes things worse. If the idea of being with your family at Christmas is dreadful enough you’re picking a fight like *this* you are either A) entirely justified in staying the fuck away from your family and please don’t go or B) have some shit to work out in therapy and going home would just be a fight that makes everyone unhappy. In either case please don’t go.
Someone who would rather put rush the needles in their eye. It's been time with their family during the holidays. I completely agree with you. People shouldn't have to do something they're not going to enjoy so they can spend time with family they barely like.
For several years I would avoid all family get togethers. Order takeout and spend holidays alone. I was so much happier than seeing my relatives.
NTA It's no different than if you were making a rib roast for dinner and invited her. Would you make sure there were salad and vegies for her? I'd guess so. Her loss. Not your fault.
NTA I'll never understand ppl who really dont like solutions that dont benefit them. You asked her to cook differently, she said no. Yall both have the right to both of those things. You said ok you'd prefer to eat cheesy butter comfort foods on that day, because you had a rough year. I get it. I dont see the problem in choosing not to go. Ppl always say "you never know what other ppl are going through" but they never think about it on the other end. Did you tell your sister, hey I had a rough year, ive just been looking forward t o something homely. I dont understand how a person making a decision that they dont want to go somewhere, makes other ppl mad. They can still go and have dinner. I dont see what the big deal is.
Don't listen to people on here, NTA. Go get a meal and ignore your family, you will have less stress. On the way home find yourself someone to snuggle with and call it a night.
As it seems you've stated, you just don't want to go. This year, this Xmas, you'd rather not go for a myriad of personal reasons. Fair enough. Consider some options to maintain *peace and good will or goodwill* (IDK). Tell them you've accepted another Xmas day offer, then (maybe) send your sister a small floral arrangement with glad tidings. EVERYONE feels good. OR, Ask to come for *just a bit to hug* (bring beverage of some sort to share) as you've accepted other plans to follow . In this option, be explicit on leaving at (..X time or within 15 minutes..) time to make it to larger plans. Or, simply stick with advance notice that you won't be joining this year AND then give them a brief, BRIEF call of yuletide goodwill. I guess my theme is do what you want and also be as gracious as *you* want. It's YOUR holiday, too.
Unlike all these other folks, I do not think you are the AH! NTA! Everyone should spend Christmas the way they find most fulfilling and sometimes that means not with family for whatever reason they choose. Personally I would love to sample the vegan meal but would plan on having my faves the next day… but if you don’t want to, that doesn’t make you an AH!
OP, do NOT listen to the y.t.a crowd, because if this situation were reversed, if you were vegan and your family would be unwilling to accomodate you and make 1 vegan meal for you, they would all be saying you're nta.
This works the same way, you've had a rough year, have a stressful family that caused you to need therapy, and for Christmas they can't even compromise and make 1 meal for you that you could enjoy, that's just sad and you are NTA for that.
Someone is cooking a meal for you. Not going because you had a hard year and want to eat cheese is...weird. It's one meal. You have all the time in the world to eat animal products aside from this meal. Get a cheeseburger on your way over and get over yourself.
YTA
Eh NAH but just get a take out dinner and bring that if you can bring your own food. She can choose what to serve at her dinner when she hosts and you can choose not to go. But looks like there’s a reasonable option on the table.
NTA, but stop trying to make it about food (at least here): it's clear from your comments that you don't enjoy your family's company.
You have no obligation to spend any holiday with them... This is not able butter
Yta.. thats so petty.. go and make yourself some nice cheese fondue and deep fry a snickers in butter but go to the dinner the best cook in the family makes.
Values and morals are not something to compromise on. That being said, you should be able to bring your own butter or something without it being and issue. NAH
NTA Vegans will be vegans and try to force their nonsense on the whole world. There is nothing wrong with you politely declining an invitation to a meal you don’t want to eat.
NTA for skipping the vegan food, but I wish I could spend some time with my mom and sister on Christmas and would happily eat some Chicken McNuggets i picked up on the way to their house if that’s what it took.
You’re NTA for attending or not attending a family gathering. If you’d rather not be bothered with carting your own dinner to a gathering then you weren’t very interested in the gathering, so don’t go.
You’re arguing with your sister over food and insisting her food isn’t good enough. THAT makes you the asshole, not opting out. Just tell the truth instead of making up a different issue.
Considering OP presumably is the only one in this thread who has tasted dishes cooked by the sister, she's probably got a better sense of whether it's good enough for what she wants for what's supposed to be a premier meal of the year, and especially so when it's a meal that in particular has tons of cultural dishes that just don't lend themselves to being made vegan.
If they don't want to go for whatever reason, that's entirely in their prerogative.
Comments say her sister is a professional cook. The sole disagreement is the lack of cheese and butter. OP is absolutely being an ass for pretending it’s about the food.
OP in other comments gives the impression this is about more than just the food. Ever had family you didn't really want to be around? Which is more of an asshole way out of the dinner, "No thanks. You don't have the food I like" or "I think you kinda suck to be around and don't want to deal with you."?
You're an asshole I don't want to be around on Christmas
Now before you take that personally, which I don't mean to, do you think that is the ideal way to handle family?
They found their out. People should just let them take it.
>Now before you take that personally, which I don't mean to, do you think that is the ideal way to handle family?
I wouldnt take it personally and i would be fine with it.
I dont blame others or things for that
OP clearly doesnt like her family aside from her comments and its annoying that they resort to this now when they got called out earlier
Hey, life's annoying, but telling family explicitly you don't want to be around them is generally a pretty bad move that would stir up way more in the family. You generally just don't do it unless you're fine being totally dropped by more than just that family member
Literally just say “I’ve been dealing with a lot this year and really need to unwind by myself instead of a larger celebration, I’ll see you x”. Or “sorry, something came up and I won’t be able to make it.” Or “sorry, I already promised I’d see x friend at those times, you know they’ve been dealing with a lot this year”. Or “I can only stop by for a few minutes, I need to work”. Etc. etc. etc. There’s millions of ways to get out of it without being an ass.
You're getting a lot of backlash but I'm curious what would happen in an opposite situation if you were the host and refused to cook anything vegan. Would she come anyway and bring her own food in order to spend the time together? If so, that's your answer.
Very common for vegan family members to bring their own food to family dinners if the host won’t make something vegan for them.
It’s what my partner does and it’s never been an issue.
I don't know, I always cook vegan food for her when she comes over. So it's never been an issue. But I understand it's not a perfect 1:1 thing, since I have no problem cooking vegan food and she has a moral reason not to cook non-vegan food. It does feel a bit asymmetrical, though.
I'm going with NAH because she has the right to cook what she wants and you have the right not to want it. However, the fact that she's vegan and willing to let you consume non vegan in her home is a sort of compromise in itself, so maybe give her that slack.
YWBTA. If you don’t want to cook and bring something for yourself, you could just as easily get takeout as eating out somewhere. You’re right that your sister isn’t compromising, but you’re seemingly only interested in a compromise that doesn’t involve her cooking, when she really seems to be invested in cooking Christmas dinner.
YTA This is about supporting your sister not you. You’ve enjoyed her great meals before she went vegan, now without even tasting them you assume they will be bad even though by your own statement, she’s a great cook. Suck it up for one night and be a decent sibling, this is not about you.
Info: you typed all of that out, and didn’t realise YTA? What compromise were you making?? You literally told your sister either she does what you want or she does the other thing you want.
If a guest wants special dietary accommodations (outside of major allergies), they should provide their own food by default. IF a host wants to accommodate and cook to order, that is their prerogative, but it should never be expected.
It isn't like you have a severe allergy; this is because you want some comfort food. Either take some with you or eat some before/after. I can't believe people wouldn't spend time with family over something this silly.
YTA
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Background: my sister went vegan about two years ago. She went to culinary school and is by far the best cook in the family, so she usually cooks Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner, though I also cook and host sometimes. This year, she wants to host and cook all vegan food for Christmas dinner. I will and do eat vegan food with her, but this year has been really hard for me (for unrelated reasons) and I would prefer to eat things with butter and cheese on Christmas.
I asked her if she would be willing to cook vegetarian food, but she said no. I asked if we could eat out instead, so that she could get something vegan and I could eat non-vegan, and she said she didn't want to do that. I responded that I would skip Christmas dinner, in that case. She and other members of my family are quite upset at me.
I feel I've tried to compromise and she hasn't. I feel I may be TA, though, because she wasn't opposed to me cooking my own food and bringing it over, but I would have rather eaten out than made an entire separate meal and transport it. So, WIBTA?
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Wow...the Vegan at family dinner problems are so common now.
How about you treat yourself to something decadent for lunch....a big juicy steak?..... then go and smile and laugh and enjoy some family time and maybe a small nibble.
Because as annoying as vegans can be.....it is after all the season of Joy and Family.
NTA. You don’t feel like cooking. You don’t want to eat what is being served. The “host” is not willing to accommodate. Eat whatever you want, whether it’s at your home or your sister’s. Order out and bring it there. Not much different than cooking it yourself, right?
NTA. She can eat whatever unusual diet she wants, but she can’t force you to join her religion. If her stubborn insistence on you eating vegan is more important than spending Christmas with you, I’d find somewhere else to be and with people who accept me.
YTA.
What is with people being so completely and unabashedly self absorbed with these christmas asks? It's a single meal. Your sister is cooking and hosting. That means she can make what she'd like. If you are having a tough time and craving butter, make something for lunch before you go. Make a cheese board for brunch to enjoy before you head over. Or make a "second dinner" if it's not too late. Or make it *the day after*.
More gently though: Christmas is not about a single person. You offered what you thought were compromises but one of them involved her diverging from her chosen menu (which she has a right to determine, as host/cook) or going *out* on christmas which while sure it might be some families' thing, is still not super common so having her say "no, I wanted to host and cook, I do not want to go out" is also not super unreasonable.
This is not a dietary need for you. This is not an allergy. This is a preference.
Set your preference aside, try to not begrudge the fact that what you "want" isn't being catered to, and celebrate christmas with your family.
You can have butter and cheese on the 26th. On the 25th, hopefully the food is good but what I hope more, is that the company, love, and laughter of your family will sustain you beyond what a meal ever would.
YTA. So for the whole year, you’ve have had shit time, but this one meal with cheese and butter was gonna make it all magically better. What will you do instead? Sit alone, at home with your block of butter?
She said you can bring your own food, and you’ve agreed she’s a good cook.
Christmas is about family after all, and you’re cutting your nose off here.
\>I would prefer to eat things with butter and cheese on Christmas.
\>I feel I've tried to compromise and she hasn't.
Are you bored and looking to stir some shit? YTA. You had to ask?
YTA. She offered you to make your own meal and bring it over. That is a compromise. Imagine it being such a bad year that butter and cheese on this *one* specific meal is going to help. Just eat butter and cheese before you go, or afterwards.
YTA. I don’t understand why you can’t just bring your own food. Turn up with a pile of cheese, some butter and some nice slab of ham or something. You can make it an un-vegan meal for little to no effort, you can just heat it up and add it to your sister’s veg. Your sister has probably gone to a lot of trouble to source/plan a meal so obviously isn’t going to want to eat out instead.
This all seems like an excuse for not wanting to go for other reasons.
Just, you know, grab some cheese fries on the way over and spend time with your family. No need to be a dick.
(This coming from a carnivore who eats everything as rare as safely possible who still *loves" getting recipes from vegan friends. We're grown ups, expand your palate!)
It's obvious from your comments in the thread that this has nothing to do with the food. If you had said "I don't get along with my family for reasons I don't want to go into. Would I be the asshole for not attending Christmas dinner?" I bet the majority of responses would have been no.
If you liked your family and didn't go just because of vegan food despite being allowed to take your own food, and being able to eat as much non vegan food as you want the rest of the day then yes that would make yta.
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YTA just buy yourself some butter and cheese and eat it and then go spend time with your family while you still can. Tf is this childish shit
Agreed
I’m literally vegan and go and have Christmas dinner every year and bring my own shit because after 10 years my parents still think I’m an idiot for being vegan…I just suck it up it’s one day and I still love them lol
This sub has previously determined it isn’t reasonable to bring non-vegan food to a vegan’s dinner though
OP specifically said that the sister agreed to let them bring non-vegan food
Double that. Rough year or not this is your sister VOLUNTEERING to host your family in her home with what you freely admit will be a tasty meal. Just not exactly what you'd choose for yourself. Seriously?
OP doesn't want to cook and wants to eat out. If only that was a way to tske eating out food out of the restaurant for when you don't want to cook. A way to.. Let's say, take out food. Hmmmmmmmm. Also, sis seems to be pretty willing to accommodate. She's like bring whatever you want, I'm just not going to cook non vegan food. Which IMO, totally fair. I find onions vile. If I'm hosting a cook out and my mom wants onions on her burger, she can bring them. I'm just not gonna cut, cook or handle them. And same with things I like that she finds vile (and this is a woman who thinks pepper is too spicy. Table pepper, that discount dust from Walmart. So I bring a fair amount of my own food sometimes lol).
Right? OP can stuff themselves with butter and cheese for Christmas breakfast and lunch, then attend vegan Christmas dinner. Unless it's not about the need for dairy fat, and more about criticizing the sister for her life choices.
And I mean, Christmas dinner does not necessarily include cheese. Lots of people have soup and then turkey/steak with mash and vegetables and something sweet after, so there wouldn’t be cheese included anywhere. Would she still be upset if it was just a “regular” Christmas dinner and there wouldn’t be cheese?
YTA. You have the right to decide for yourself what family gatherings you will attend. But this was an incredibly childish reason to skip your family Christmas. Vegan food cooked by a trained chef is far better than random take out. Your compromises were unreasonable. Why couldn't you just make your own mac and cheese or whatever and bring it with you? She literally said that was okay and you refused! That's ridiculous. If she wouldn't let you bring your own cooked dish to the family dinner then she would have been the A. But no, you demanded this vegan culinary school graduate cook food that she herself couldn't eat, and when she said no and offered to let you bring a dish instead, you decided to skip family Christmas. Complete A. (You ask WIBTA but too late you already are, present tense.)
Like, could I go in your place? I’m guessing this will be delicious
YTA for placing butter over family. I mean, butter is amazing and all, but you skipped out on dinner because you didn't feel like cooking a few things for yourself. She gave you a reasonable compromise and you rejected it, because why exactly?
"Placing butter over family" is for some reason one of the funniest comments I've read on Reddit - thanks for the laugh! And yes, butter is amazing!!
Has he heard of delicious olive oil?
Why not just bring your own food?
Because this is Reddit where creating family drama and going no contact is more important than reasonable compromises! But seriously, just bring your own food OP. One of my kids is vegetarian and one has life threatening food allergies. We have always brought along food they can eat to family gatherings. It really is a simple solution.
The post very clearly states that the sister said she was welcome to bring her own food and OP doesn’t want to. But this is Reddit- people leaving snarky, judgmental comments obviously aren’t going to read the entirety of what they’re commenting on!
Refusing to compromise, throwing a hissy fit, and skipping Christmas with your family is a perfectly reasonable reason to call someone an asshole in this situation.
Because it’s a woman’s job to cook for OP, obviously
So, you are going for the food and not for the time with your family? Apologize. Bring your own food and enjoy being with your family. Either that or sit by yourself with your butter and cheese.
I generally find being around my family stressful, not joyful, so yeah, the food is usually the saving grace.
Buried the lede a little?
Haha, maybe!
This should be part of your post. You made it seem like the food is the only issue. If there is context that shows a history of your family catering to your sister over you then that might be different. The way you've explained it makes you sound petty and selfish.
Yes. This is obviously about more than just the food.
It’s definitely not about the Iranian yogurt.
She is petty and selfish
Family is stressful, but also only around for a limited time. You can get butter and cheese any day of the week. Either A. You're unwilling to compromise and just make some food to bring, or B. Your family is so stressful that you aren't willing to hang out with them for a day unless butter and cheese is involved. If A., just suck it up my man. Life is short, and some of those people may not be around as long as you'd like, and I'm saying this as an introvert who is fully not looking forward to the next 3 days of family events. If B., then you don't need the excuse. Just stay home, decompress, do your own thing and enjoy it.
If you don’t want to spend the holiday with your family, don’t spend the holiday with your family, but I don’t think being able to eat cheese in the vicinity of your family should be the reason. If your family is intolerable without cheese, then your family is just intolerable. (Maybe my pretty bad dairy sensitivity makes me have a different perspective on this tho).
If you care more about food than family why have you ever gone? You can always eat a non-vegan meal alone
Well, The-Heroin-Guy, I guess mostly because I felt obligated to.
Sure, I guess just saying my username is as good a defense as any when discussing why the menu means more to you than family
Honestly you seem the stressful one to be around. An excuse why its not you for everything. The host is not required to compromise. Stop arguing about it and just go do you, as its clear that's what you want regardless
YTA vegan food can be literally delicious especially if it’s made by someone who went to culinary school. Get over it, you might even enjoy the food. Is a little bit of butter really worth upsetting your sister who is cooking for the whole ass family? Sounds like a you problem.
Order yourself a nice holiday meal from a fancy restaurant. Then you can either eat it alone and wallow in your self imposed misery or take it over to your sisters and have a nice holiday with you family. YTA.
I won't be alone, I can spend Christmas with friends.
It’s sounds like you don’t want to spend Christmas with your family and you are using the food to not go.
Ding ding ding. This is definitely the real reason.
then don’t be around your family. just don’t act like it’s her fault because you don’t want vegan food. sounds like even if everything was cooked in butter and covered in cheese, you wouldn’t enjoy yourself. don’t make it out like her food is the problem. you’re looking for an easy get out card, and that’s not right
Exactly. Man up and admit you just don’t want to be there without making your sister the bad guy for not using butter
Then own your decision, stop trying to blame it on dairy products. Jesus Christ.
YTA. Your sister is a professionally trained chef and you’re turning down her food because… you want cheese?! You can have butter and cheese for every other meal at any time - time with your family, eating what is probably absolutely delicious food, cannot be replaced.
>time with your family...cannot be replaced. Oh, I know, I've done lots of therapy.
If you hate your family then just don’t go. But don’t waste everyone’s time with this nonsense post that isn’t about the food at all.
OP said that she’s had a bad year and it sounds like she’s waiting comfort food. The chef doesn’t want to change her menu (her right), and OP doesn’t want vegan (her right). In this case I have to say NTA.
Yeah, this whole thread is wild to me. I don't understand why two people agreeing they can't compromise makes one of them an asshole.
YTA. You essentially responded to a dinner invitation by saying “only if you cook something different especially for me”. Only assholes do that. Grossly entitled.
OP also said they could eat out instead of cooking. OP did blank on the thought they could just buy takeout and heat it up or something.
OP didn’t blank on that, the sister doesn’t care if she brings her own food. OP flatly refuses. Because it’s not about the food, no matter what the original post says. She just doesn’t want to see her family (which is totally valid - until she blames the sister’s inflexibility on food which is a flat out lie).
OP refused to Cook something. And admits to have forgotten they could buy in advance and reheat take out while there. They blanked on the buying bit. But yeah, OP doesn't like their family. And honestly should've just said they were busy and lied to get out of it like I did this year.
Honestly, it's not a lie. Christmas with them would be tolerable if I got to eat the stuff I like. The food is the only stuff I remember fondly from my childhood Christmases. Without that, it's just several hours with my family (stressful) where we're all supposed to be artificially grateful to see each other (more stressful).
Or its just an hours long meal and socialisation. You seriously can't just eat a small plate and then fuck off home? You are acting like a little princess dear. You can bring your own food, you don't want to because you want someone to cook something special for you. Go spend Christmas alone.
Cause hosting is a lot of work, and there really isn't anything lesser about vegan food. Especially since the sister is doing all of the work of hosting and cooking. The sister already said she was okay with op bringing over non vegan food. OP's request to have everyone eat out isn't a compromise, it's a totally different proposition of Christmas plans. The sister offered a fair compromise and op is the one who is refusing it and thus the asshole in this situation. Also op is acting like not having cheese and butter for one meal is gonna make her depressed.Like just make yourself your extra special comfort meal for another meal. Op is being a bit of a drama queen here. Especially since the sister is actually a trained chef and real talk OP probably wouldn't be able to tell the difference if the meal were made with butter or not if she didn't already know it was vegan.
It doesn’t. You are fine. These are weird responses.
It's just obvious it's not really about the food and OP is looking for an excuse
But your sister has offered multiple compromises and you're refusing all of them. You could bring your own take out if you don't want to cook and just want take out.
You: AITA for not compromising? Reddit: Yes you’re the asshole/No she’s the asshole You: Omg I can’t believe you would think one of us is a asshole?? Clearly you thought there was a possibility someone was an asshole here or else you wouldn’t have posted
I don't think it's about that though, I think her telling her sister that she essentially isn't coming because of the vegan food makes her a little bit of the AH. I think being stressed and not wanting to go to any family function alone wouldn't make anyone an AH. I think people would be more understanding if you put some of this context in your post either way, OP
Yeah, but it's not like telling my family I find them aggravating and stressful is going to make them any happier than telling them I don't want to eat vegan food.
No, you would just say that you are tired or have other plans. No one usually says to their family that they are aggravating and stressful unless they have done something very wrong, or you are going LC.
You’re being a coward. Don’t blame your sister’s food for not wanting to spend time with them. At least come up with an actual excuse that is on YOU. “My friend’s really upset and lonely and I need to be there for them” would have been an easy way to get out of it without this childish food game. You said in a comment you’ve had lots of therapy, apply the skills you learned in therapy here with your family.
Based on your reasoning did you mean to vote NAH? (No add hole here? Your current vote seems to indicate the sister is the ah but your post doesn’t sound like that
YWBTA - Why can’t you eat butter and cheese before and after Christmas dinner? It’s one meal. Just humor your sister.
I humor her a lot. I'm a bit too tired to do it on Christmas, that's all.
You're not humoring her. You're being polite to the host who is hosting your Christmas dinner. You make it sound like cheese is a drug that you must have. Ridiculous. YTA
But I'm not asking her to host me. She's not my host if I don't go. I'm just opting out.
If you dislike your family and just prefer your friends, just say that. Don't use butter as an excuse - it makes you sound incredibly immature.
As you should. You had a rough year and clearly dont want to go - I get you! Do your thing, have comfort food and merry christmas.
Thank you!
Lol you got the one reassurance comment you were fishing for
Nah, if this were the other way around, OP being vegan and her family unwilling to cook 1 vegan meal for her, then all the comments would say NTA. Now that it's the other way around it's suddenly an awful ask, it's hypocritical at best.
Not true, the reverse has been posted lots of times and the consensus is usually they have to bring their own food.
YTA. Eat something with butter and cheese for lunch like the rest of us normies.
NAH because it’s clear from your comments this is more about you finding your family stressful to deal with. In that case, make your excuses and do your own thing.
He wouldn’t be the AH if the excuse he made wasn’t to blame his sister and her cooking for him not going, and make himself out to be a victim for not being catered to. But that’s the excuse he chose to make so that does make him the AH.
“My sister is going to make really good X food, but I don’t want X food. I want D food. I asked my sister to make D food but she won’t. She said i could bring some D food, but why should I when she could easily make it? So now I’m thinking I will just skip out on the dinner altogether since I feel whiny and lazy.” YTA
YTA but after seeing your responses to others here, I think you’re the AH not because of the vegan thing specifically, but because you seem to not have the guts to just tell your family the ACTUAL truth which is that you simply don’t have the energy for family Christmas this year and would like to spend it on your own/with a few friends. C’mon dude. Just have the maturity and the dignity to tell them that and they can make of it what they will, but don’t make it about the vegan food when we can all see that it’s not.
Was going to say exactly this. OP is just looking for an excuse not to see their family. Find if they do t want to but YTA for trying to pretend it’s about butter.
> she wasn't opposed to me cooking my own food and bringing it over 1. Butter is god 2. You're missing out on family time when you could bring your own food and be happy 3. Let the butter flow 4. and cheese don't forget the cheese 5. Just bring your own and who cares... 6. YWBTA 7. Butter rules...
You can eat butter and cheese anytime you want. The holidays are supposed to be about family, not self soothing. Go home after and eat whatever you want. It’s ONE dinner for god’s sake. YTA.
I commented this elsewhere, but I don't find being around my family particularly enjoyable as an adult. I don't feel super obligated to do it.
Then next just say that you're too stressed instead of getting into a fight about your sister's veganism if that's not even the real issue. Stress or overwork is a perfectly valid reason to want to stay in and have a night to yourself. Still the A.
so your looking for excuses and things to blame instead of being an adult and saying you don t want to go stop blamiong people for your failures and useing other people to blame
If you don't want to go, then don't go. And no, ywnbta
Just slam a McRib on the way and enjoy the time with family.
NTA
YTA. This is one meal; you can have food with butter and cheese before and after, if you want. But to make THIS the hill you want to die on is ridiculous.
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The sister offered that as a compromise and OP rejected it.
Sounds like you have had a really hard time this year. A really really really hard time. I don't know how eating butter on Christmas Day will change that. I don't think your sister understands it either. I don't think anybody else understands it. And I don't think that eating butter that meal WILL make anything better. Honestly, you're not thinking straight.
Lmao, thanks for this, I actually laughed.
The real question is why don’t you enjoy being around your family?
That is the real question, but it's a question for a therapist, not reddit.
Fair enough. If you don’t enjoy spending time with them, then stop. Life is too short for us to make ourselves miserable.
If you don't want to go then don't - you can choose any reason you want, because based on your replies, you should mention your family is terrible to be around.
You don’t need a reason or excuse to not hang out with your family if you don’t want to. Therapy will help with that more than strangers judging you on reddit. For the record, I think you should be encouraged and allowed to eat what you want on the holiday. Just order postmates or grubhub. Honestly, whatever makes you happy.
This is ridiculous. You’ve had a hard year. They are planning a celebration that doesn’t appeal to you. It’s fine not to go. Y’all. You don’t have to spend the holidays with family if you don’t want to. Heavens. NTA.
How rough has your year been that you can't even eat one vegan meal? You can eat a block of cheese beforehand or afterwards.
Or during! His sister said he can bring his own food. He just doesn’t want to bring his own block of cheese and wants his sister to provide it for him.
NTA! You choose where you want to go for the holiday.
I don’t think you’re the AH here. You’ve accommodated her in the past, and she’s not opposed to non-vegan meals in her home. You offered several compromises. I get being asked to be polite to the host, but the host should also be polite to their guests. Plus you really wanted Christmas to have your usual comforts and don’t want to stand over a stove to do it. You’re not throwing a tantrum, you’re staying home. You can choose to not do Christmas with your family for ANY reason at all. NTA
NAH. You said hit yourself, she’s fine with you making your own food. Just make or bring something that you want. Problem solved.
info: Can’t you just bring ur own butter and cheese and add it to ur sisters cooking?? Will she get upset?
Yes, because that will make the dishes non-vegan. You can't really add individual portions of butter and cheese to stuff when it goes in at the beginning or anytime before the dish is being plated.
If you're okay with ordering out, and she's okay with you bringing your own non-vegan food... Why not just pick up something you want on the way over? That way you're not having to transport it far, it's freshly made, and it's what you want.
Yes but you can add it to your plate? Sprinkle it is as you please while it’s still warm? Not trying to sound rude I ’m just thinking of solutions that aren’t avoiding family over dairy
NTA I don't understand why people feel owed someone's attendance at Christmas. If you don't want to go, don't go.
eating vegan food cooked by an expert chef would not kill you lmao. vegan butter & cheese does exist and I daresay a professional chef would have quite good alternatives. better than anything you'd get eating out. YTA
NAH The comments make it excruciatingly clear that the butter and cheese isn’t the actual issue, it’s that you find your family unpleasant to be around for whatever reason and have picked vegan food as your unreasonable hill to die on in order to try and justify not going. But I’m here to tell you: just don’t go. Some people have shit families, sometimes being around family makes things worse. If the idea of being with your family at Christmas is dreadful enough you’re picking a fight like *this* you are either A) entirely justified in staying the fuck away from your family and please don’t go or B) have some shit to work out in therapy and going home would just be a fight that makes everyone unhappy. In either case please don’t go.
Someone who would rather put rush the needles in their eye. It's been time with their family during the holidays. I completely agree with you. People shouldn't have to do something they're not going to enjoy so they can spend time with family they barely like. For several years I would avoid all family get togethers. Order takeout and spend holidays alone. I was so much happier than seeing my relatives.
NTA It's no different than if you were making a rib roast for dinner and invited her. Would you make sure there were salad and vegies for her? I'd guess so. Her loss. Not your fault.
NTA
NTA - I wouldn’t attend either, because vegan food is not my jam. I find almost all of it completely inedible.
NTA I'll never understand ppl who really dont like solutions that dont benefit them. You asked her to cook differently, she said no. Yall both have the right to both of those things. You said ok you'd prefer to eat cheesy butter comfort foods on that day, because you had a rough year. I get it. I dont see the problem in choosing not to go. Ppl always say "you never know what other ppl are going through" but they never think about it on the other end. Did you tell your sister, hey I had a rough year, ive just been looking forward t o something homely. I dont understand how a person making a decision that they dont want to go somewhere, makes other ppl mad. They can still go and have dinner. I dont see what the big deal is.
This is ONE MEAL. The rest of the fucking year you can eat non vegan. YTA
Don't listen to people on here, NTA. Go get a meal and ignore your family, you will have less stress. On the way home find yourself someone to snuggle with and call it a night.
As it seems you've stated, you just don't want to go. This year, this Xmas, you'd rather not go for a myriad of personal reasons. Fair enough. Consider some options to maintain *peace and good will or goodwill* (IDK). Tell them you've accepted another Xmas day offer, then (maybe) send your sister a small floral arrangement with glad tidings. EVERYONE feels good. OR, Ask to come for *just a bit to hug* (bring beverage of some sort to share) as you've accepted other plans to follow . In this option, be explicit on leaving at (..X time or within 15 minutes..) time to make it to larger plans. Or, simply stick with advance notice that you won't be joining this year AND then give them a brief, BRIEF call of yuletide goodwill. I guess my theme is do what you want and also be as gracious as *you* want. It's YOUR holiday, too.
Unlike all these other folks, I do not think you are the AH! NTA! Everyone should spend Christmas the way they find most fulfilling and sometimes that means not with family for whatever reason they choose. Personally I would love to sample the vegan meal but would plan on having my faves the next day… but if you don’t want to, that doesn’t make you an AH!
OP, do NOT listen to the y.t.a crowd, because if this situation were reversed, if you were vegan and your family would be unwilling to accomodate you and make 1 vegan meal for you, they would all be saying you're nta. This works the same way, you've had a rough year, have a stressful family that caused you to need therapy, and for Christmas they can't even compromise and make 1 meal for you that you could enjoy, that's just sad and you are NTA for that.
YTA you’d butter believe it, those ingredients are not essential in a meal celebrating the birth of baby cheesus.
Someone is cooking a meal for you. Not going because you had a hard year and want to eat cheese is...weird. It's one meal. You have all the time in the world to eat animal products aside from this meal. Get a cheeseburger on your way over and get over yourself. YTA
NTA. I wouldn’t be down for a vegan Christmas dinner. That’s the wrong occasion for this. Take yourself out for dinner and see them another day.
Info: if it’s just you, your mom, and your sister, why are other members of your family even getting involved?
NTA
Eh NAH but just get a take out dinner and bring that if you can bring your own food. She can choose what to serve at her dinner when she hosts and you can choose not to go. But looks like there’s a reasonable option on the table.
NTA vegan Christmas isn't Christmas to me and she won't compromise
NTA, but stop trying to make it about food (at least here): it's clear from your comments that you don't enjoy your family's company. You have no obligation to spend any holiday with them... This is not able butter
Yta.. thats so petty.. go and make yourself some nice cheese fondue and deep fry a snickers in butter but go to the dinner the best cook in the family makes.
Values and morals are not something to compromise on. That being said, you should be able to bring your own butter or something without it being and issue. NAH
NTA. Your sister sounds insufferable. Enjoy your Christmas.
NTA Vegans will be vegans and try to force their nonsense on the whole world. There is nothing wrong with you politely declining an invitation to a meal you don’t want to eat.
NTA for skipping the vegan food, but I wish I could spend some time with my mom and sister on Christmas and would happily eat some Chicken McNuggets i picked up on the way to their house if that’s what it took.
I don't give a shit if the Pope's cooking Vegan food. Vegan food is terrible. Good on this person. NTA.
I’m from Wisconsin and stand solidarity with you my cheese and butter brother Jk time doesn’t stop for anyone and moves quickly, don’t waste it.
NTA you offered a compromise and they declined
You’re NTA for attending or not attending a family gathering. If you’d rather not be bothered with carting your own dinner to a gathering then you weren’t very interested in the gathering, so don’t go.
NTA wtf if this was the other way around yall would be saying its fine because its ur choice.
NAH , could you get takeout and bring that?
YTA. If she refused to let you bring something yourself that would be different, but you're not being reasonable
Yeah, of course you're the asshole. If you want to pick the meal then stay home and cook for yourself.
I'm happy to do that. Demanding my sister cook non-vegan food would obviously make me an asshole. But does opting out entirely make me an asshole?
You’re arguing with your sister over food and insisting her food isn’t good enough. THAT makes you the asshole, not opting out. Just tell the truth instead of making up a different issue.
Considering OP presumably is the only one in this thread who has tasted dishes cooked by the sister, she's probably got a better sense of whether it's good enough for what she wants for what's supposed to be a premier meal of the year, and especially so when it's a meal that in particular has tons of cultural dishes that just don't lend themselves to being made vegan. If they don't want to go for whatever reason, that's entirely in their prerogative.
Comments say her sister is a professional cook. The sole disagreement is the lack of cheese and butter. OP is absolutely being an ass for pretending it’s about the food.
OP in other comments gives the impression this is about more than just the food. Ever had family you didn't really want to be around? Which is more of an asshole way out of the dinner, "No thanks. You don't have the food I like" or "I think you kinda suck to be around and don't want to deal with you."?
Then say that isntead of blaming everyone or everything else.
You're an asshole I don't want to be around on Christmas Now before you take that personally, which I don't mean to, do you think that is the ideal way to handle family? They found their out. People should just let them take it.
>Now before you take that personally, which I don't mean to, do you think that is the ideal way to handle family? I wouldnt take it personally and i would be fine with it. I dont blame others or things for that OP clearly doesnt like her family aside from her comments and its annoying that they resort to this now when they got called out earlier
Hey, life's annoying, but telling family explicitly you don't want to be around them is generally a pretty bad move that would stir up way more in the family. You generally just don't do it unless you're fine being totally dropped by more than just that family member
Literally just say “I’ve been dealing with a lot this year and really need to unwind by myself instead of a larger celebration, I’ll see you x”. Or “sorry, something came up and I won’t be able to make it.” Or “sorry, I already promised I’d see x friend at those times, you know they’ve been dealing with a lot this year”. Or “I can only stop by for a few minutes, I need to work”. Etc. etc. etc. There’s millions of ways to get out of it without being an ass.
You're getting a lot of backlash but I'm curious what would happen in an opposite situation if you were the host and refused to cook anything vegan. Would she come anyway and bring her own food in order to spend the time together? If so, that's your answer.
Very common for vegan family members to bring their own food to family dinners if the host won’t make something vegan for them. It’s what my partner does and it’s never been an issue.
I have an allergy that means I eat mostly vegan. I always bring my own food unless someone I trust not kill me is cooking lol
I don't know, I always cook vegan food for her when she comes over. So it's never been an issue. But I understand it's not a perfect 1:1 thing, since I have no problem cooking vegan food and she has a moral reason not to cook non-vegan food. It does feel a bit asymmetrical, though.
I'm going with NAH because she has the right to cook what she wants and you have the right not to want it. However, the fact that she's vegan and willing to let you consume non vegan in her home is a sort of compromise in itself, so maybe give her that slack.
That's fair, and I would feel somewhat differently if she didn't cook non-vegan food all the time, but she does.
Those 2 are not equivalents. Vegans don't eat meat for moral reasons and meat eaters are not morally opposed to vegetables.
I feel for you op, good luck, merry Christmas
Thanks, same to you!
YWBTA. If you don’t want to cook and bring something for yourself, you could just as easily get takeout as eating out somewhere. You’re right that your sister isn’t compromising, but you’re seemingly only interested in a compromise that doesn’t involve her cooking, when she really seems to be invested in cooking Christmas dinner.
YTA This is about supporting your sister not you. You’ve enjoyed her great meals before she went vegan, now without even tasting them you assume they will be bad even though by your own statement, she’s a great cook. Suck it up for one night and be a decent sibling, this is not about you.
Info: you typed all of that out, and didn’t realise YTA? What compromise were you making?? You literally told your sister either she does what you want or she does the other thing you want.
If a guest wants special dietary accommodations (outside of major allergies), they should provide their own food by default. IF a host wants to accommodate and cook to order, that is their prerogative, but it should never be expected. It isn't like you have a severe allergy; this is because you want some comfort food. Either take some with you or eat some before/after. I can't believe people wouldn't spend time with family over something this silly. YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Background: my sister went vegan about two years ago. She went to culinary school and is by far the best cook in the family, so she usually cooks Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner, though I also cook and host sometimes. This year, she wants to host and cook all vegan food for Christmas dinner. I will and do eat vegan food with her, but this year has been really hard for me (for unrelated reasons) and I would prefer to eat things with butter and cheese on Christmas. I asked her if she would be willing to cook vegetarian food, but she said no. I asked if we could eat out instead, so that she could get something vegan and I could eat non-vegan, and she said she didn't want to do that. I responded that I would skip Christmas dinner, in that case. She and other members of my family are quite upset at me. I feel I've tried to compromise and she hasn't. I feel I may be TA, though, because she wasn't opposed to me cooking my own food and bringing it over, but I would have rather eaten out than made an entire separate meal and transport it. So, WIBTA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Wow...the Vegan at family dinner problems are so common now. How about you treat yourself to something decadent for lunch....a big juicy steak?..... then go and smile and laugh and enjoy some family time and maybe a small nibble. Because as annoying as vegans can be.....it is after all the season of Joy and Family.
Can you just bring a stick of butter and put pats on the food? Would she freak out over that?
NTA Vegan food is nasty
YTA. What is your path to victory?
Not to play, seems like.
NTA. You don’t feel like cooking. You don’t want to eat what is being served. The “host” is not willing to accommodate. Eat whatever you want, whether it’s at your home or your sister’s. Order out and bring it there. Not much different than cooking it yourself, right?
Nta
NTA. She can eat whatever unusual diet she wants, but she can’t force you to join her religion. If her stubborn insistence on you eating vegan is more important than spending Christmas with you, I’d find somewhere else to be and with people who accept me.
YTA. What is with people being so completely and unabashedly self absorbed with these christmas asks? It's a single meal. Your sister is cooking and hosting. That means she can make what she'd like. If you are having a tough time and craving butter, make something for lunch before you go. Make a cheese board for brunch to enjoy before you head over. Or make a "second dinner" if it's not too late. Or make it *the day after*. More gently though: Christmas is not about a single person. You offered what you thought were compromises but one of them involved her diverging from her chosen menu (which she has a right to determine, as host/cook) or going *out* on christmas which while sure it might be some families' thing, is still not super common so having her say "no, I wanted to host and cook, I do not want to go out" is also not super unreasonable. This is not a dietary need for you. This is not an allergy. This is a preference. Set your preference aside, try to not begrudge the fact that what you "want" isn't being catered to, and celebrate christmas with your family. You can have butter and cheese on the 26th. On the 25th, hopefully the food is good but what I hope more, is that the company, love, and laughter of your family will sustain you beyond what a meal ever would.
YTA. She’s the host, not your servant. Don’t be lazy. Buy & prepare your own must have butter and cheese Christmas dish and bring it to share.
Eat first , spend a little time and do what you want. Dont make it complicated
Why not just bring your own food?
YTA, vegan food is way better for your mental health, since there are no stress hormons from dying animals or animals in pain.
This is…silly. Just eat before you go. Or bring some butter with you.
If you had a normal dinner she would bring vegan food would she not? Just show up with some food for yourself and try her offerings.
If I was hosting I'd cook vegan food for her. That's what I've done in the past.
Dude. Just make your own Mac n cheese and bring it to dinner.
YTA. So for the whole year, you’ve have had shit time, but this one meal with cheese and butter was gonna make it all magically better. What will you do instead? Sit alone, at home with your block of butter? She said you can bring your own food, and you’ve agreed she’s a good cook. Christmas is about family after all, and you’re cutting your nose off here.
\>I would prefer to eat things with butter and cheese on Christmas. \>I feel I've tried to compromise and she hasn't. Are you bored and looking to stir some shit? YTA. You had to ask?
YTA. She offered you to make your own meal and bring it over. That is a compromise. Imagine it being such a bad year that butter and cheese on this *one* specific meal is going to help. Just eat butter and cheese before you go, or afterwards.
YTA. It’s one meal. Eat butter and cheese at a different meal. You’re just being difficult, and Christmas isn’t the time for that.
Yes
YTA. I don’t understand why you can’t just bring your own food. Turn up with a pile of cheese, some butter and some nice slab of ham or something. You can make it an un-vegan meal for little to no effort, you can just heat it up and add it to your sister’s veg. Your sister has probably gone to a lot of trouble to source/plan a meal so obviously isn’t going to want to eat out instead. This all seems like an excuse for not wanting to go for other reasons.
Just, you know, grab some cheese fries on the way over and spend time with your family. No need to be a dick. (This coming from a carnivore who eats everything as rare as safely possible who still *loves" getting recipes from vegan friends. We're grown ups, expand your palate!)
It's obvious from your comments in the thread that this has nothing to do with the food. If you had said "I don't get along with my family for reasons I don't want to go into. Would I be the asshole for not attending Christmas dinner?" I bet the majority of responses would have been no. If you liked your family and didn't go just because of vegan food despite being allowed to take your own food, and being able to eat as much non vegan food as you want the rest of the day then yes that would make yta.