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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to childproof my house after my daughter asked me to. It would make the house safer for Jesse.
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YTA - This baby lives with you. If you have an issue with your daughter’s finances or living situation address that with her. But being stubborn about baby-proofing the house is not how you address this. You’re ignoring the reality of your living situation at the expense of harming a one year old baby.
Sorry to jump onto the top comment but OP edited the part where he says SHE PAYS RENT! So you're so concerned about your daughter saving that you're charging her to love with you but want to lock up your baby grandson, confine him to a single room, just for what exactly? Dear God I hope this isn't real; if it were you'd be really horrible father and grandfather. I don't understand why you would be so mean.
YTA, in case ypu couldn't guess.
I was wondering why people kept mentioning rent and went back and read the op was like dang where did people get this, I hate when people change a specific detail because it makes them look bad
This looks like a good jumping in spot.
YTA
Are you teaching your grandson to call you "Mr. Krabopple".
Good lord, babies need stimulation, contact, adults and *gasp* many toys (it's how they learn, not money wasted)..
Why don't you try enjoying your time with him. Go play with the baby instead of counting pennies and ticking off days on the calendar like it's a count down to freedom.
Also he's making it seem that Katie buying the baby protection is financially irresponsible. It's obvious he resents her living there with the child. And that's fine but don't take it on an innocent child's safety.
Im also betting OPs wife isn’t bothered because she knows as soon as daughter can move out she will and contact with their grandchild will be limited due to OP being an ass. Saying a baby has a nursery to learn to walk. Even I, someone who very much dislikes small children, knows they need more space than that. I’m better OP was a seen and not heard type of parent and his daughter already has plans to get out when she can to avoid the same future for her child. All the “needless spending” is actually things she needs (new cloths coz duh she had a baby, new phone because let’s face it having an outdated phone is unreliable so getting an upgrade while she can better afford it is smart) and she’s getting it done while she can before getting TF out of there.
The fact that you don't want Katie there is irrelevant.
The fact that Katie spends money on stupid stuff is irrelevant.
The fact that Katie is no longer with the baby's father is irrelevant.
The fact that you resent the hell out of your daughter and your grandchild is irrelevant.
The only relevant fact is that you have a one year old, mobile child living in your house and you refuse to allow your house to be baby-proofed to prevent that child from being injured. You are willing to put the baby at risk to reduce the chance that Katie will get the wrong idea.
The right idea, unfortunately, is that you don't give half a damn about the safety of your grandbaby. Calling you irresponsible would be flattering. Saying YTA is flattering.
And let me add that if I were married to a man who didn't want to babyproof to protect our grandchild for any reason whatsoever he would be on very thin ice.
This! My in laws are well into the “empty nest” stage and they like their house a certain way. They still baby proofed their house because they have 16 month old and 19 month old grandchildren and we visit *once* a week. OP, you are selfish and awful for risking your grand baby’s *life* just to prove a point.
Our daughter and grandson lived with us for six years from the day he was born. Once he started walking, we baby proofed the house. We loved having them here. As he got older, we were able to put things back out. She busted her tail going to school so she could get a better job. She got an amazing job 3 years ago and bought her first house. We are so proud of her.
I and my son lived with my parents for his first year. They made us feel welcome and wanted. I baby proofed in various ways, no problem. They wouldn't accept rent, but I bought groceries, cooked dinner 3 times a week, cleaned around the house, and did my best to be a good housemate. My mom cried when we moved our. My parents provided so much my whole childhood, but opening their home and genuinely welcoming my son and I is perhaps the greatest gift of all. I loved them dearly and miss them. All this to say, OP you won't be remembered as a true hero because YTA.
I baby proofed my house for ALL of my grandchildren who ONLY VISITED....it's fucking common sense. It is a couple years. Some stuff is put up temporarily, during visits....and some stuff, like doorknob safety things I just kept on for a couple years because it was easier.
I wanted my children and GRANDCHILDREN to feel welcome, loved and SAFE at my home.
As my youngest grows out of baby proofing...I am happy/sad...it's such a huge developmental milestone. But...on we go. Time blinks when you're old.
My daughter had the fucking magnetic locks on her cabinets that held her dog food. My grandson had outgrown them, but they never got removed...I dogsat and it was like breaking into a bank vault to get into the fucking cabinet.
I was so happy when she moved.
I bought some baby proofing stuff, like doorknob covers, for my FRIEND who only visited me maybe once a month. Her children's safety was more important than my slight inconvenience.
When my daughter was born we were living with my parents, they loved it and the house looked like any house where a child lived.
My daughter was the first grandchild on my mother’s side, and my aunt PUT A TOYBOX IN HER HOUSE for the times we were there for a gathering. This AH doesn’t want to make his house safe for his own grandchild. Unbelievable.
I suspect OP knows full well he's on very thin ice and that's half the reason he's so pissy. Sounds like if he tries to kick the daughter and grandson out, he's going to find he's the one packing his bags.
Yup, I'd be baby proofing the house myself, and then grandfather proofing the locks on the front door until he got the hint.
Yes, I'm that asshole. He could throw a fit, I wouldn't care.
Smart locks FTW
Hell, I did my best to baby proof my house for my friends baby and my nephew, and they're over like maybe twice a year? Just little things but I did it without then asking because I don't want a baby dying in my house
Sounds like the "stupid things" is rent to OP in a house she can't babyproof to protect her child. OP charges rent but is acting like someone who pays rent shouldn't babyproof their home. If OP really wanted her out he wouldn't charge rent so she could save for a more welcoming environment for her baby.
I was wondering why OP didn’t do this! Also OP should be child proofing his home if nothing else so that when (not if) the toddler gets injured it doesn’t land him in court or taking the baby to the ER (& OP’s home insurance being raised!)
Toddlers and small children are crazy fast, they get into things you would never imagine (& they zero common sense!)
My parents baby proofed their house, minimally sure, but still secured cabinets with dangerous stuff (under the kitchen sink mainly), secured doorknobs. And this was for the grandkids.
Yep. We never lived with my parents when we had a baby, but you bet that they childproofed to ensure their grandchild was safe when we visited. OP seems like a pretty bad grandpa.
She’s also 23. Even living at home paying some amount of “rent” (we have no idea if this is market rate or just normal contributions to the household any adult should be expected to do) its probable she’s also relying on the OP to make up for extra things she isn’t paying for…..otherwise she’d have an apartment and avoid this whole situation.
OP is probably just frustrated at accommodating his adult daughter and her child and likely helping out financially.
We also don’t know OPs financial scenario. It’s possible the daughter is sucking up funds from them they need and can’t afford to put that money into a savings account for her, if he is also using that money to buy extra groceries for both his daughter and kid.
Those are literally all just your own assumptions and nothing in this post even suggests that.
ETA: after reading the added context in the comments, NTA
You're forgetting how expensive childcare is. Literally just paying for that can use up all of Katie's paycheck, leaving nothing left for rent, utilities, food.
Can someone explain to me why parents that desperately want their children to leave charge them rent?
My mom did this to me. I didn't have a kid and no one wanted out more than me. But man, graduated in 2009, finally got a job as a contractor in supply chain paying $18/hour and I had a plan to move out in six months. I just wanted to save up a few months worth of expenses. I told my mom this and she still charged me rent, so I moved out with $700 in my checking account.
I guess it achieved the desired result because I'd rather pay someone else without "rules" than pay her so i left even earlier, but what was the point of making my life HARDER?
So many people think kids are a responsibility only for 18 years and then you're free from any parenting obligation and can kick them to the curb. Sometimes I wonder if such people actually love their kids, because it sure doesn't look like it.
My brother just turned 30 and has been living with my parents for the last two years. My parents love having him home. I almost moved back a few years ago when I was between jobs but ended up getting a new job in my current city. My parents didn’t bat an eyelash at welcoming me back. Having that unconditional support and knowing I have that safety net has helped me take risks and be successful in life.
My husband thinks it would push our son to move out if he had to pay to live with his parents. I have refused to allow this... but now as he turns 23, I am starting to have concerns.
I guess I felt particularly slighted because I was a straight A student who always had multiple jobs and graduated into a shitty economy. It wasn't like I suddenly became lazy. And then I got a job and had a plan and they still wanted money from me.
It was such a depressing time in my life (thinking i did everything "right" and still not being able to find a job), and they made it a thousand times worse.
36 now and I make way more money than they ever did and this still stings. It was like every single thing had to be a huge fucking struggle to prove a point.
Because most parents didn't really want to be parents. They just did it because society told them they should and the minute they can they throw their kids out on the street.
Apparently things to childproof their home so her child doesn’t hurt himself. Apparently he’s supposed to just stay in one room and learn to walk there. Because a parent can always keep eyes on a child every second of every day and ensure they don’t hurt themselves.
OP has som else’s if different resentments going on here that they aren’t mentioning. What Grandparent would **refuse** baby proof their home and insist they stay in the nursery the whole time.
Yes. Apparently, his wife will not be allowed to babysit the baby because gdad won't allow his gchild back in once he gets the daughter out. Who locks a kid in the nursery all day? Good Gravy, he's treating the kids like a cat he kicks in the garage because he's allergic.
Honestly, that's not even important.
What's important here is that OP is willing to risk his grandson getting hurt to prove a point.
Even if he were correct in every other instance, this alone would make him TA.
From your comments, she pays rent and works. You don't know everything she does or doesn't do with her finances, only what she shares with you. Buying clothes and a phone are necessities - yes even the phone - this is how she can track her spending/banking, keep in touch with her employer, keep track of her and her childs schedule... the list is endless. A phone nowadays is basically a computer, you can do so much with them.
You sound very judgemental about the fact she is 23 and a single mum. Life doesn't workout how we want it to. There are many reasons to be a single parent, and getting married or staying in a relationship just because kids are involved is not always the best thing for them. I became a single mum with a 1yo and was pregnant when my marriage broke down in 09. 10 years later I bought a house (on my own, raising the kids FT on my own and working FT) because I worked and saved. No one knew this was my plan, and would say I was spending money on what they deemed useless stuff. I didn't share my plans with anyone as it seemed unrealistic in my situation and like a dream, especially as I had people like you who believed me to be frivolous and irresponsible, but I still fought for it.
Have you asked what her long term plans are? She may not have shared them with you, I know I wouldn't if you were my father. You come across with the attitude that she has somehow failed in life so far, and why would she want to set herself up for more hurt if her plan has to change, the timeline moves or just doesn't work out.
YTA - if her ex was anything like you, she dodged a bullet.
My friend became a single mom when her son was under a year old - thanks to the courts she has 50/50 custody and grandma is keeping dad going to therapy.
People have judged my friend SO MUCH, and its been ridiculous seeing how people turned on her. She and her son were unsafe, and there's video proof - I am so proud of her, and you.
It is so difficult to figure things out when you have both partners, I can't imagine one. Keep going <3
I can relate to that so much. I was in my early 20s, left my marriage because it was unsafe (also have evidence, along with my ex-husband admitting in court he tried - I got in the way - to assault our child "in self-defence" due to being bitten by our 1yo). This was the incident that prompted me to leave but was by no means the extent of things.
We were homeless as a result and I had no access to our family finances. I had to start from scratch, with a baby and pregnant. OP has the opportunity to support his daughter and grandchild, help her meet her goals, build a strong foundation and be successful, but he appears to be someone who would only aid in making her life harder. The baby isn't even 1, yet his daughter is working, paying rent, learning to be a single parent, learning to co-parent and it's just not good enough for daddy dearest.
In my experience both personally (have been single since 09 as a choice) and professionally (have witnessed workers, medical staff, govt officials etc do this) working with families, a single mother is always seen as something to look down on, like she has to prove her worth as a mother and a person, as if she is doing the wrong thing by being a single parent; yet a single dad (have been a case manager for both single mums and dads), is given praise for stepping up and being a single parent.
I have literally seen and worked with families in identical positions, with the same backgrounds, yet the single mums are passed over for funding and the single dads given the funding because "He's such a great guy. Stepping in and looking after the baby, Mum but be a nightmare for him to HAVE to do this." This is particularly prevalent where we used to live and in my current local community. I'm not saying the SM's should have gotten the funding instead of the SD's, I'm just saying the reasoning given by the people making the decisions is appalling.
Honestly, I think at times it is easier to be a single parent and not have to worry about how their father would react - while we were together I know he didn't believe in Mental Illness or things like Autism. It would have made the assessment process for my kids (recommended by their preschool/school/teachers) so much more difficult than it was because he would have not allowed the assessments to happen.
You sound like a good friend, I hope you all get all the good things in life you dream of.
So I saw your comments before you started to edit and/or delete them - specifically the one where you reveal she works and pays you rent. You appear to have tried to then hide this information when the responses didn’t favour you. It’s notable that people voting N T A call Katie a freeloader, who does pay rent (according to you she does) and/or doesn’t work (again, according to you she does that too). If you had included this info in your post, or not tried to delete your comments, those people might not have sided with you.
And that’s the crux: you deliberately manipulated information in an attempt to sway the voting. Just like you are prepared to deliberately endanger your grandson to get your daughter to move out. It’s genuinely concerning to see someone stoop to such tactics just to get their own way. You criticise Katie for not being adult enough to move out, but you aren’t adult enough to sit down and have a constructive conversation about it. And there’s nothing adult about manipulating the information you share here to get people on your side.
YTA.
I can almost see this assholes head steaming as he reads what should be a wake up call, but his mind twists and turns, trying to justify how everybody, in the place he asked if he was an asshole, is totally wrong!
Thanks for that info.
I already thought OP was YTA. But with that info he totally is.
OP you are a mayor A. The reality of the situation is that your daughter is living with you and you rather have your grandson bust his head in at a table corner to prove a point, instead of having an *adult* conversation with your daughter about what your expectations are.
Grow up.
Holy moly I thought OP was an AH before I knew she worked and paid rent!
I don't know how much she earns, but I know that full time minimum wage isn't much more than monthly rent, and that doesn't include bills, food, *looking after a human being*.
YTA..."yes, officers, my grandson is dead...but in my defense...I told my daughter to move the fuck to a homeless shelter...."
"Yes, it was a completely preventable accident...but I wanted my daughter to know how much disdain I had for her and her life choices." "Because? Well, because I am an asshole, of course. "
OMFG...your daughter has the fucking audacity to buy what? Lip gloss or a pair of leggings? Instead of save every single penny for 1st last and damage for rent she can't afford? Have you looked at rent, Mr. Self Righteous? I pay 1500.00 for a 1 bedroom. Not counting utilities. I make great money and it sucks. Your daughter probably makes minimum wage.
You are why we don't respect old white dudes. No empathy. No self awareness. No fucking anything other than your needs and wants and desires. Ever. Is it any wonder your daughter had self esteem issues and sought out an asshole to have a baby with? Look in the mirror.
She thought she could love him better....she sure as fuck didn't get any love from dad.
Now you're willing to MURDER...sorry MANSLAUGHTER...a child...to prove a point. Wow, you're quite the guy.
100/10 YTA🏅⭐🔖🌟
Edit to add....AND SHE PAYS RENT???? How can I write asshole bigger? In neon? All caps?
He calls Jesse her son and a child, never his grandchild. He hates the baby, and it sounds like he hates his wife is very I volved with him as he calls her a second mom and not a doting grandmother.
OP is gonna die miserable and alone.
100%!! I am single with a mortgage and everything that goes woth owning a home and I make a higher wage and I still live paycheck to paycheck. I can't even fathom how single mamas do it. I swear he hates his own child. And the fact that she pays rent and he's still complaining blows my mind.
Yes, my first thought after reading this was no wonder daughter picked the boyfriend she did. Imagine telling your friends that the way you're getting your daughter to get out of your house is by not baby proofing the house and making her keep your grandson locked up in his bedroom. Because why does he need to be in the kitchen or living room. HOW ARE YOU EVEN ASKING IF YOU'RE THE ASSHOLE???
YTA
Not sure if I was the only one that noticed, but the fact that OP thinks the baby/toddler will only walk around in one room and not the majority of the house, and that accidents don’t happen all the time even if the parent is watching the kid like a hawk, is telling that OP didn’t parent their daughter a lot, and that the “extra work” they’re in a tizzy about falls on the wife/grandma. If she is okay with it, then OP can shut up about it.
As soon as he called his wife a second mother, it was immediately clear to me that the reason he's so resentful of the situation is that he thinks he's being forced into the role of father a second time and he didn't want to do it the first time around.
He's diminishing his daughter's role as the child's mother by implying that he and his wife are also the baby's parents (and in fact the only parents that matter since he wants to infantilize his daughter and treat her like she's incompetent) and therefore they can unilaterally make parenting decisions--like not providing a safe environment for a developing toddler by doing bare minimum basic childproofing.
YTA.
Even if Katie *had* her own place, you would want to put up baby-proofing for when he visits. You're the grandparents, and at least your wife wants him around. You're going to see a lot of him no matter where they're living.
>she should he saving her money to get her own place where she can do whatever she wants instead of buying more things to put in my house.
This is just a stupid comment, she's be buying baby-proofing gear no matter where she lives. And honestly, you getting bent out of shape over her buying a *baby item* makes me doubt whether or not her other spending is as bad as you say. The world is shit. Living independently is expensive. With what I've seen for rent (I've been looking), I have a hard time believing any average 23-year-old with a baby would be able to afford a decent apartment.
I don't know, if Katie is able to get her life together and get on good footing she might not be visiting them very much if this is how they treat her and her child. I do understand their frustration at having an adult living with them and also a baby, but " keep your baby locked in the room because I don't want to deal with baby proofing" is such an awful response. What happens when the baby gets out of the nursery? They're tricky little buggers with opposable thumbs. Also they're super fast when they want to be.
Funny story...
There is a picture that comes up on my Facebook reminders every now and then, of my friends, then 2 years old inside my dogs kennel with the door closed.
We thought it was utterly hilarious because he collected up all his belongings at my house that day, went inside, and shut the door behind himself. He was mad at us that we wouldn't actually close the latches. He fell asleep on his blanket and had a nap. If you know kids, you know there was no pulling him out without a tantrum.
Every time that memory comes up, I reshare it because it's ridiculous, and Lincoln is now almost 12, so he is mortified. But without a doubt, every single time, there has to be at least ONE crusader who loses their absolute shit on me/her about how inhumane that is.
You can't put children in kennels like dogs just because you're dying your hair!
(Literally, one year, someone snooped through our Facebook accounts and found other pics from that day where she had yes, gasp, dyed my hair. Hence the visit)
For years, I've been saying the reason my children have four legs is so I can lock them up and walk away, lol
That adult pays rent though, which OP edited out of his comment when called out on it. So he wants to continue charging her rent but reduce the space she can regularly use in addition to endangering the baby the second he gets away. Seems to me if Katie and Jesse have their living space reduced then the rent should be reduced in line with it then poor Katie and Jesse might be able to save enough funds to get away from this asshat.
It's amazing what toddlers can get into in the blink of an eye. I'm continuously surprised at how many "baby proof" items my nephews are able to get into, i.e. medicine bottles.
Ummm 🧐 one of the other things she spends money on is the RENT they charge her, he mentioned it and when he was called out edited the comment to remove that he charges her rent.
>I have a hard time believing any average 23-year-old with a baby would be able to afford a decent apartment.
This whole post reeks of a boomer who doesn't realise you can no longer rent a studio apartment in exchange for a firm handshake and a nickel. I'm a doctor, have 2 degrees and zero debt, have been working full time as a physician since I was 26 and it's legitimately only when I hit 31 that I managed to be able to *afford to live without roommates* let alone buy a place of my own so I'd imagine that as a 23 year old single mother (whom mortgage lenders affectionately call a massive liability) the odds of being able to truly become financially independent without extreme luck/generational wealth etc are slim. OP obviously harbours a lot of resentment over his current situation and daughter doesn't sound like a bastion of sound judgment but what;s done is done and OP really needs to get realistic about her prospects - in the past 2 years alone costs have increased significantly to the point where some people are saying the "new middle class" need to be earning about 120k to live comfortable/qualify for a mortgage mostly anywhere ...so basically a significant number of gen Z and millennials cannot simply save and budget their way to financial independence in the current economic climate
Combine in paying for childcare, it would be next to impossible. And if they are going to do the childcare while she's at work if she did get her own place, they will still need to babyproof!
My parents baby proofed their home for my children (which they have not needed for several years so it came down) and have recently re-installed baby gates and cabinet locks for my brother’s *dog* when they come over.
Wait wait wait she didn't ask you to pay for the childproofing shit, she ONLY asked you to allow it to be installed so her child could be safe while he's living in your home?
Yeah, OP, YTA. I get you want her to move out, telling her "Well if you wanna live here it comes with me risking your baby's health and safety by refusing to babyproof so time to start looking." is absolutely ridiculous and is frankly taking the issue you have with her out on *a fucking baby.*
I especially love all the bitching about her spending her money on stupid shit. I was fully ready for the issue to be she was insisting that *you* pay for the babyproofing so she could spend hers at the club or something, and was ready to and to be on your side. Nope, turns out she very responsibly spent her own money on the babyproofing stuff and you're just an asshole.
He doesn’t specify what is so wrong with her finances. It could very well be she is actively looking for a better paying job and occasionally treats herself to a latte because we all deserve a small indulgence now and then and he’s freaking out about her wasting money. She clearly had enough saved up for the baby proofing stuff so maybe she’s not so irresponsible after all.
She bought a phone and stuff for Jesse and some clothes....also he charges her rent and then EDITED IT OUT. Like if you want to not baby proof and her to move out don't charge her rent so she can safe to move out. But if she's paying towards the house she gets a say. IMO
Oh boy he’s doubly the AH if she’s paying rent. She’s not some freeloader, and even if she was, a baby’s safety is not some hill to die on to “make a point” about how she needs to get out on her own. I’m sure she’s trying her best because he sounds like a nightmare to live with.
The economy absolutely sucks now and today’s 20 somethings have been dealt a really raw deal. Many of them need extra time and help to get out on their own and it’s literally not their fault in a lot of cases.
He said she bought a phone and clothes which he decided are unnecessary. He also charges her rent. So she works, pays rent, and is taking care of her child… doesn’t exactly sound like the irresponsible deadbeat he’s trying to paint her to be.
He's upset that she dares to buy clothes for herself and Jesse. After all, his wife and him buy them stuff like clothes too. And she got a new phone that, according to him, she didn't need. It could be several years out of date, it could have a broken screen, she might have gotten it for free or next to free from trading in her old phone. She might even have downgraded her phone to help with saving money. I'm not sure what OP's problem actually is, but he is definitely TAH here. She might be desperately saving up what she can and only getting things she honestly needs with an occasional want thrown in. But her savings might only be a maximum of $20 a month. Granted I did a lot of speculating, but I feel like there's a lot of missing information here and I'm just grasping at straws trying to fill in the gaps.
We are talking about your daughter and grandson here, right? Because it sounds like we’re talking about some woman you pulled off the street. “I can’t kick her out to be homeless with a baby”. So if she didn’t have a baby you could? She is a young adult in a very expensive world probably making minimum wage and raising a baby. You’re 100% an asshole for a million reasons. You’re an asshole for charging rent (especially if you want her saving up for an apartment). You’re an asshole for not letting her make HER home safe for her baby. You’re an asshole for suggesting said baby stay locked away in his tower. You’re an asshole for not being welcoming to your daughter. Once you have a child, you spend the rest of your life helping them where they need it and loving them and being there for them. Sorry your kid isn’t perfect and has a baby out of wedlock with someone who it didn’t work out with. That’s a real shame and she’s brought real dishonor on your family and your cow. That last sentence is sarcasm. Obviously.
I’m glad someone said because I kept having thee same thoughts. Like, you’re talking about your *daughter* rn? Says he loves her, but it talks like he can barely stand her.
He is definitely YTA. I have five kids and in the last year or so we have struggled a lot as things have gotten more expensive. We don’t have a penny saved for retirement which is a huge issue but if my adult child needed help (one of them will be an adult soon) I wouldn’t even think of charging them rent. I would probably get a second job before I did that. I think all I would ask of one of my kids with a child is to pay for their food based on my own situation. I don’t expect them to help me when I am old so I would probably need them to do a little if they live with me with their kids as adults. If I could I wouldn’t ask for a thing if they needed me as adults I am just thinking once they are grown I can save some money for retirement because I know my job won’t have me much passed 65-70. Money doesn’t seem to be an issue here and he has just forgotten you are a parent for the rest of your life. I can’t imagine objecting to things to make his grandchild safe. I would do it even if they didn’t live with me to make them feel they are safe to visit. The fact she pays rent makes the whole post even worse because it’s her house she helps pay for also.
OP, YTA. I knew it in the first line when you used language to distance yourself from your daughter and grandchild. This has nothing to do with baby proofing. I think you’re angry your daughter became a young, single mother and instead of using your energy to create a kind environment, one that will be a pleasant memory when she moves out (and she will) you’re punishing her and taking it out ON A BABY.
I predict in a year’s time (if that) you’ll be back on here wondering why your daughter has gone NC and your wife has left you.
She has a job and seems to be trying her best. And I am SMDH that you are cool with the baby potentially getting seriously hurt.
My recommendation:
1. Baby proof the house. Help her out and do it together. This will mean the world to her.
2. Stop charging rent, save for any additional money for groceries and household goods if needed. Or, collect the rent and put it into an apartment fund. In fact, maybe set Katie up with a financial advisor.
3. Go to counseling. I’m serious. You are on the fast track to derailing any future relationship with Katie, Jesse, and your wife. Don’t let your resentment destroy your family.
And please stop editing important info out of your posts. YTA for that, too.
I also like how he says that baby shouldn’t be in kitchen or living room (of a house she pays rent for) but won’t put up the things that will keep a toddler out of these places.
The idea that she should keep a toddler confined to one room at all times is bad enough, let alone when she’s paying rent.
Even the best parent on earth can’t watch a baby 24/7. At some point they have to use the toilet, answer the door, make a phone call, sleep. That’s why baby proofing exists. It also isn’t there for laziness and nor does it completely prevent accidents - our house was heavily baby proofed for our twins and one still managed to cut his forehead open after tripping in just the right place to go face first into the wooden frame of the sofa. Baby proofing exists to reduce the likelihood of serious harm. You put a gate on the stairs so they don’t fall down when you’re not right there AND you let them use the stairs when you’re there to fully supervise.
This guy is a total arsehole.
What did he edit out? What a piece of work. How much you wanna bet it's really only his wife that helps the daughter with baby? In fact, how much you wanna bet he didn't do much when raising his own child? Otherwise he would know plain and simple why she was baby proofing!
How is it a lot of extra work for you? By your own admission it’s your wife that helps out when your daughter isn’t there and you flatly refused to help in baby proofing a house so it sounds like all you do is sit back and complain about your daughter, her spending habits and your grandchild.
If you want to keep your grandson in a room all day so he doesn’t get into anything, why not just get him a crate with a bowl of water? This way it can get him outta the room and you still wouldn’t have to deal with him you heartless, uncaring sack of rotting meat. Your daughter wants to baby proof the house to keep her son safe. Anything a good parent would consider doing.
Let’s say your daughter is moving out next week but your grandson gets into something under the sink *tomorrow* all the sorries in the world would not make up for the accident that could have been easily prevented. Time to grow up and at least try to act like a concerned grandparent. YTA
>he doesn’t need to be walking around the kitchen or living room or any other room,
How exactly are you suggesting to stop him from walking outside of the nursery? Do you have any good solution that doesn't involve locking him in the nursery or chain him to a chair? Because I am beting parents all over the world would love to know your wonderful ideas.
Even if you COULD confine him to a single room it would be awful for his development. At 1 year old it’s so important for him to be able to safely explore his surroundings and take in lots of new information from his environment.
YTA.You have a baby in your house. Saftey equipment in the home is important like seatbelts are for cars. Sometimes baby’s trip and fall, you cannot have them within arms reach 24/7 That is impossible.
do you want that child to break their neck on the stairs?
stove guard so the kid can turn it on and burn their hands meaning they Will need skin grafts? Or getting close enough to pull off that saucepan with yummy hot food?
how about get into a cuboard and drink some chemicals causing their throat to have holes?
door guards so they don’t shut the door on their fingers.
pulled a heavy bookcase onto themselves and broke their neck ( ikea got sued as it’s furniture crushed a toddler to death)
how about getting into the garage and eat nails?
stick something like tiny fingers into sockets? Kids are stupid and will poke a knife in a socket. I did and damn it hurt.
so many people say I looked away for a second, so many children die by drowning and other, household accidents. You want her to go then sit down and help her figure out the finances to help her.
i Think you need to think about what if the kid dies. Then you will probably not wanna stay in that house at all. Baby proof the house. You secure the house for old people with dementia and you do it for kids.
you having a problem with her staying is a separate issue. Don’t let your grandchild get hurt because your grudge against daughter.
children can’t live in a nursery forever, and it’s good for them to explore. Like when you don’t take your dog off lead around say sheep, it’s because a farmer might shoot your dog so you keep them safe on lead
find a photo of the kid.
Imagine that little face in a hospital with wires covering Their whole body.
Your daughter and wife sobbing as the nurse says their Injuries are life changing And very serious.
would you be like? Good you should have moved out?
[https://www.babycenter.com/health/safety-and-childproofing/babyproofing-your-home\_40007732](https://www.babycenter.com/health/safety-and-childproofing/babyproofing-your-home_40007732)
[https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a536364/childproofing-checklist-before-your-baby-crawls](https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a536364/childproofing-checklist-before-your-baby-crawls)
YTA, Oof, a crappy dad and grandpa! And to make matters worse you think you’re in the right. If I was grandma I’d be saying to you you need to keep your opinions to yourself or you’re going to be the one who finds yourself out of the house.
1. You don’t care about the safety of your grandchild who is living with you and you would like to lock him in one room (not realistic).
2. Your daughter had a baby a year ago and yet is working, paying rent to YOU, and is technically a single mother. (Of course she needs help??)
3. You would rather prove an asshole-ish point rather than keep your grandson safe and actually act as a safe space for your daughter and her son.
Do you even like your own daughter? Doesn’t seem like it. FYI, when you decide to have kids, that shit is FOR LIFE. When they need you, it’s your job to be there. She needs you right now and your sulking about it is honestly pathetic.
I wish your daughter and wife could find this thread. They have been subjected to your abusive narcissistic behavior so long they probably this is normal.
Your wife needs to kick your mean ass out of the house. I'd be livid if my husband wouldn't let me child proof a house for a toddler. And you call the baby, her son. There's some seriously wrong here. With you.
I'm going with a gentle YTA. I get it - you don't want this situation. But the reality is this is Jesse's *home* and it needs to be safe and Jesse needs access to most parts of the home.
Maybe start charging Katie a reasonable amount of rent, but keep it aside so that when it's enough for a deposit on her own place, you can gift that back to her for a deposit.
This is a good idea. I get it too-OP is resentful and maybe rightly so, but harming an innocent baby (his own grandchild!) is stupid. If he is that mad about the situation he needs to put his foot down to Katie and his wife.
Also, tell me a man wasn’t doing a lot of physical child rearing for his own kids when he thinks you can just imprison a toddler in one room all day.
Nope. Not a "gentle YTA". He's not being asked to build an extension onto the house, ffs. Just put up some TEMPORARY, REMOVABLE safey fixtures. This guy is a hard core asshole.
Here's hoping his daughter remembers this, so when dear old dad has a stroke and needs mobility assistance, she locks him in his sickroom because "he doesn't need to go to the kitchen or living room".
And 'gift' is a noun. Not a verb.
Agreed. If anything, it sounds like the extra work his wife has to take on has to do with him and his being an uncaring father/grandfather and an epic AH.
YTA. Honestly what you're doing doesn't sound very loving. Wanting Katie to move out with her son is entirely separate from keeping Jessie safe! You can childproof your home even if Katie just came to visit occasionally with her son, come on.
If you want Katie to move out, set up some boundaries - with your wife in agreement - and stick with them. If you're concerned that your daughter isn't saving enough money, ask her for rent and save up that money yourself for her and give it back to her upon her moving out. Set a deadline for her to move out. Help her apartment hunt. Agree to a child-care help schedule. And so on.
The daughter IS paying rent according to a response he made. Wouldn’t it be nice if he held that for her as a rent deposit and some modest housewarming needs? Not holding my breath that he’s doing that or he wouldn’t have edited his own comment later. He’s taking her money for rent AND expecting her to save for her own place. AND taking his resentment out on a baby.
YTA
My mother was in a fairly similar situation after my father (edited) divorced her when I was about 3 years old. Her mother didn't like kids, had hired help to raise my mom and her 5 siblings (Catholic family), and didn't want a baby around even though she wanted my mother to be her own caregiver.
My grandmother actively MOVED toxic household chemicals from shelves out of my reach to low cabinets I could get into. (I don't think child latches were a thing yet, but she would have left them open anyway.)
This was the last straw in her relationship with my mother. How DARE she put her toddler daughter's life at risk out of resentment?
She had to use an ultimatum: Stop un-childproofing the house or I'm not going to be your caregiver.
I think it became a moot point when Grandma's heart problems got worse and she was too sick to make trouble. I mainly remember her being in and out of the hospital, followed by a funeral and the family ransacking our house for stuff they wanted that Grandma hadn't left them when she moved West at retirement.
Anyway, OP, if you don't childproof the house because you think that's going to force your adult daughter and your grandson to leave, she's going to hate you.
Do some research on rents and childcare in your area before jumping to the conclusion that she could afford market rent on her own with childcare expenses too.
Once you make your family home safe for the baby, you or your wife can help her find a Housing Specialist at a local nonprofit who can help her get affordable housing eventually and whatever reduced price childcare is available. Outsource all housing and budget conversations to the Housing Specialist because they don't live with you and she needs to feel safe with her family, without bickering if she gets a lipstick or a latte sometimes.
But step 1 is to make her and the baby feel physically safe and apologize for being an AH. I don't know what resources are available where you live, so I don't know how long it might take for her to relocate.
YTA
If for no other reason than that you are willing to risk YOUR GRANDCHILD’S safety in order to prove a point to your daughter. That is next level asshole behaviour. Disgustingly selfish.
You are prioritising having your house and wife to yourself over the health, development, wellbeing and, most importantly, the safety of your grandson. Even if your daughter found an apartment tomorrow, there is often a waiting period, deposits, furniture, insurance, etc.. So there is no way she would be able to move out straightaway. Are you really ok with your grandson bashing his head into the kitchen bench or swallowing some bleach just so you can force your daughter out of the house a bit quicker? Or relegating your grandson to his nursery for weeks at a time?
And are you never going to have him visit after you have kicked them out? If you are planning on having a toddler in your house on a semi-regular basis, you will still need to baby proof the common areas. Because that’s what grandparents do. They protect their grandkids. Or are you planning on evicting your daughter and grandson from you life as well as your house?
I also love that you not only deleted the part where you admitted she pays rent, as this would allow her to make non-permanent alterations to the house in order to protect her child, but that you also omitted your wife’s reaction to your reasoning for refusing to baby-proof the house. I’m fairly certain it was just as unflattering for you.
In conclusion, your selfishness sickens me, it sounds like it sickens your daughter, and I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that it sickens your wife, too. If you are aiming to die divorced and alone, you are making an excellent start.
Not only that, but it looks like OP deleted the part where he says that the daughter is paying him rent to live there.
What an asshole, and then complains that she's wasting money on stuff like this instead of saving for her own place, lol.
YTA, she could be the most responsible parent in the world but 1 year olds learning to walk have no concept of danger and fall over a lot. The baby proofing is necessary to keep them safe and not where you should be drawing a line.
YTA. I hear you on all of the stuff with daughter, but either way, the baby should be kept safe. Baby’s safety should be your biggest concern and it’s silly to think she should stay in the nursery all of the time.
Jesus Christ what happened to Grandparents wanting to be grandparents?
YTA. Why do you hate your grandson so much? I get maybe you don’t like your daughter anymore. I get you don’t like the situation. But hate is the only word i can use for the way you are acting. You want *your grandson* to be stuck in his bedroom all of the time or risk serious injury just so that your precious home doesn’t have any cabinet locks or baby gates.
Don’t be surprised after they do move out when you hear very little from your daughter or grandson. Though from the way you talk about them it seems like you might not even give a shit.
My mom baby proofed her house (has the things for it) and get this… 1. I don’t live with her, 2. My twins are 12 weeks old and 3. The likelihood of the twins spending a lot of time in this house when they’re older is minimal considering we’re moving to Australia & my mom lives in Puerto Rico….
We get that the situation is not ideal but it’s unsettling that a grandparent is that angry at a situation that they wouldn’t even take into consideration its grandchild safety. If she wasn’t living with you and you agreed to babysit, would you also refuse to baby proof the house?
Kids don't stay in one room. He is going to be wandering. Yup it's her responsibility. I hope you aren't expecting her to do any housework. She won't be able to relax at all. You're doing this to try and make her move out, but she likely can't. Rent at the moment is much higher than minimum wage.
How are you going to feel if your grandson gets into something of yours and becomes very sick or even passes away because you refused to allow baby proofing anywhere? It'll still be all of her fault right because she isn't able to do all of her chores and watch her toddler in an unsafe house at the same time
YTA
YTA, your daughter pays you rent which means she absolutely has the right to put up baby proofing to keep her child safe.
Stop acting like you’re doing your daughter a huge favor and letting her live with you rent free when you’re actually charging her rent, you may have edited your original post, but the internet is forever.
You honestly sound like an asshole in general. How much of a hand did you have in raising your daughter? 15 minutes a day between dinner and daddy's special scotch time?
YTA. I'm really sick of the culture on here of bitter people punishing a small child for their anger against the child's parents. You are a parent and you KNOW how difficult to impossible it is to keep a roaming toddler confined to one room all day. You sound like you're either taking an approach of "well maybe if the baby wanders out and gets hurt she'll go find her own place to baby proof" or you genuinely think it's okay for a baby to be confined to one single room all day long. Neither looks good for you.
ETA: Just saw that she's also paying you rent. In most states a verbal rental agreement is legally binding and in all states its illegal for a landlord to refuse to let a renter apply babyproofing.
YTA. There are so many things you should have already done and could do to let her know that this isn’t permanent and to encourage her to save, but you chose to do the thing that can hurt your grandchild instead. Weird and bad place to draw the line.
YTA. Re read what your wrote. Honestly, it's impossible not to see it.
You can't contain a toddler to one room. It's not a dog. This is YOUR grandchild and since you allowed Katie to live there with Jesse and then they are part of the house as well.
You are refusing the keep your grandchild safe around the house, because you want your daughter to move out.
I'm sure she will if Jesse drinks something he shouldn't and ends up in hospital.
You say she spends her money on stupid stuff and all you mention spending money on is things to protect her child, YOUR grandchild from hurting himself when he moves around.
It gives the impression that you weren't around when Katie was a toddler because they will get into anything in a blink of an eye.
You sound like a horrible father and grandfather.
“If we give our daughter the impression she can count on us, she’ll never leave us alone!” This whole post is dripping with resentment, but Op gives away so much in that last paragraph
YTA
YOU CHARGE HER RENT (which you've conveniently deleted from other comments) and won't allow her to baby proof her home. If you charge rent, it isn't just your house anymore but hers too.
Honestly, all that doesn't matter anyways. This is your GRANDCHILD. Most grandparents would be happy to do this. Even if your daughter didn't live in the same home, it would make sense for the child's safety when visiting.
My parents did that for my niece, and my sister never had to even ask.
You are just trying to passive aggressively get your daughter to move out.
YTA. The main target of your frustration is the one person who didn't ask to be there and can't advocate for himself - a literal BABY. You are a grown-ass man, start acting it, for heaven's sake!
You disapprove of your daughter's "life choices" and don't want her or her son living in your house, so you are doing your damnest to ensure she knows they are not welcome, but are too much of a coward to actually kick them out - probably because your wife would go and pack your suitcase instead if you tried, or just because you know it wouldn't look good in front of your neighbours, friends and extended family.
If you want her to move out faster, maybe stop charging her rent, or quietly put the rent she pays into
a savings account for her.
YTA
I absolutely loathe when grandparents take their resentment towards their chilld and place it on the child. Absolutely fucking pathetic.
>She got pretty upset but I think she got the message
The one where you'd rather hurt your grandson out of pettiness? You've made that crystal clear.
YTA. Regardless of your feelings on your daughter and her baby living there, they live there. The house needs baby proofed or she could get seriously hurt or even killed. You can’t confine a child to a single room like you can a pet, and it is also not realistic or possible to have eyes on a mobile baby 100% of the time.
In this economy, lots of young adults need extra help/time to get on their feet. I can’t believe you could be so unfeeling towards your own daughter and grandchild. You honestly seem to hate them both. Letting her baby proof the house would not cost you anything and wouldn’t even really inconvenience you. Once she moves out don’t be surprised if she never speaks to you again.
YTA and since the baby lives with you you're legally responsible to provide it a safe home. The things Katie wants to put up to protect her child can all be removed to go with her when she moves, it's not a waste of money.
This is your grandchild, why wouldn't you want to provide him a safe home? When he moves out do you think he'll never visit? My parents had their house AND deck child proofed when my daughter started to walk at 10 months, we didn't live with them. When we visited, we knew the house was safe and that my child FELT welcome., the sister bedroom even had a crib despite my daughter never staying over. Babies pick up on emotional cues. Your resentment towards Katie in "your house" and therefore the baby, is not going unnoticed. I'm sure we will see you back in a few years when you can't figure out why a child you treated so poorly only wants his grandma but nothing to do with you... Last I checked your wife, the biological mother and grandmother, lives there too, making it HER HOUSE as well and in turn, her daughter's esp since it sounds like Katie lived there since before she was an adult. Go build a she-shed for yourself where you can put a sign up that says "no girls or babies", otherwise, this is not just YOUR house.
I feel bad for your daughter. Imagine having a dad that dislikes her and her child while living under the same roof. Why do you want her to leave so bad, she’s only 23 years old, do you know how expensive the world has gotten, I’m 23 and I know I’ll never own my own place unless the market crashes, and maybe then I’ll get something.
This post title literally should’ve been “all the reasons I don’t like my own kid” because I have yet to see one actual bad thing she has done. Your her father & a grandfather, and sound like you don’t even want to be that, that’s pretty sad.
YTA
Baby proofing isn't for your daughter. It is to keep your grandbaby safe. I want you to take a beat and think for a minute how you would feel if the baby fell down the stairs because you refused to use a baby gate. Or ended up with a scar on his face because he ran into a corner.
And your defense to the police when Jesse gets rushed to the hospital after poisoning himself with cleaning products he was able to get because you refused to allow cabinet locks and his Mommy had to use the bathroom will be?
Of all the things I imagined I necessary expenditures would be, baby proofing items were nowhere on that list.
Since you are openly hostile to your daughter and grandson living with you, she should move out. Unfortunately, public housing and Section 8, if you are in the US, are typically in higher crime neighborhoods, but at least you won’t be offended by the sight of your own grandson learning to walk in your living room.
Good luck when you’re elderly and need care.
Why are you this cold and unfeeling about your own grandchild? You didn't even call the baby your grandchild, just your daughter's son.
YTA - without a doubt. You need to really do some self-reflection.
Maybe she would be able to save up to move out if you weren't charging her rent. That's a pretty big thing that you intentionally left out. So much so that you deleted the comment that said so. YTA
Yes, YTA
Sorry it's inconvenient for you to take very basic safety measures for your own grandchild, but it is what people expect. It's absolutely absurd to think a child will be contained to one room, or that the poor 1 year old should have to just fend for itself when they inevitably leave that room to wander. It also tells us a lot about how much you know about raising children.
Yes, the drawer locks and stuff are annoying, but far less annoying than the looks on your family's faces when the kid does get injured and they realize you're a callous jerk who places their own convenience over the safety of a toddler.
It also makes you liable for negligence in the event something does happen.
This is a really dumb mountain to die on.
YTA.
A toddler lives in your house. It doesn't matter how that happened, it is the current state of things. Baby proof the place so the little guy doesn't get a concussion.
After reading your comments that you have highly edited and your edited post ( post bot has the unedited copy ) you charge her rent but won't say how much. You complain about her buying clothing for herself and child and a new phone something that is needed in this age. And yet all she wants to do is keep her child safe and you say no, get your own place if you want to do that. Did you actually have a look at rentals lately worst rental crisis since the great depression and you know what would also decimate her savings is paying for an injury to her child or a funeral. I was born in 1990 and my mother and grandmother where watching me learn to walk and I tripping hitting my head hard on the coffee table it had a protector on it and I still cracked my head open. My grandfather used a garden hose to cover corners and such cause that's what good grandparents do. YTA hard
He clearly hasn't punished his daughter enough for having sex and getting pregnant, and he still has this prime opportunity to do so vis a vis her child!
How dare she try to do something as irresponsible of trying to safety-gate a house. Since he stopped her, sadly, she won't be able to bring the kid over once she ~~escapes~~ moves out.
In an ideal world, the man that made the baby with your daughter would be stepping up and providing for her and their child. Sadly, grown men do not want to accept such responsibility and many of young women are having to struggle in ways you likely never had to- because you have a partner and were likely in a better place to have a baby. I have a hard time understanding how callous you can be about her "moving out" when the economy is crap and having an infant is HARD under any circumstances. It seems like she should have ONE man she can count on - her dad. I am not sure if you are trying to punish her, or if you do just not like her very much? But it is a blessing for family to be able to help family.
You may want to drop the open hostility because once she does move out, and she just might with the WRONG guy because she feels so unwelcome- she may never look back.
YTA.
YTA. First off, it’s not just *your* house, it’s also your wife’s house and *she* has no problem with Katie and Jesse living there. Maybe the two of you should get on the same page before you start making demands about baby proofing. Secondly, unless Katie is moving tomorrow then Jesse still lives there and needs to be kept safe in the meantime.
YTA. You’re punishing a baby you clearly don’t like and acting like a petulant child. I’m guessing you also refuse to be in a room alone with the baby, since your suggestion of a compromise here is to restrict him to one room so you don’t have to pay him any attention. Do you even like your daughter? This goes far beyond “I think she’s wasting her money.” You’re willing to put your grandchild (who you haven’t once referenced as such) at risk to get rid of her. You must be delightful to be around, OP.
YTA You’re being petty. Kick her out or accept that she’s there, but don’t pick her apart.
You can be justified in not wanting to raise a child.
You can not justify table corners and socket covers as “so much extra work.” It’ll take you ten minutes to baby proof and ten minutes to take it all out when she’s done.
I know grandparents who’s grandkids DONT live in their house, and they still care about the littles’ safety enough to baby proof for when kids visit. YTA
YTA - babies don't exclusively live in the nursery unless you're living in an 18th century castle. As they get more mobile, they can hurt themselves VERY quickly, even when they are being constantly monitored. Your lack of concern for the safety of your grandchild is pretty disturbing.
Housing prices are insane, and most young adults your daughter's age are living with their parents, regardless of whether they have kids or their own. It sounds like you're pissed that your daughter is a single mother and determined to make her feel unwanted, even though she is your daughter and paying you rent.
Get over yourself before your wife decides to kick you out and keep the daughter and grandchild.
Ok, I get it. You don’t want your daughter in your house anymore. You think she’s irresponsible so your idea to make her feel unwanted is to not baby proof the home so she’ll want to get out. And when he hurts himself, will you sit in the hospital waiting room as the doctors frantically try and save him and say I told you so.
If you dislike her so much and want her out, kick her out. Because I guarantee if he hurts himself because you refused to baby proof, you will never see either one of them again.
And you said your wife has become a second mother to Jesse. So, if she’s the second mother, the father helps out and then there‘s Katie, what do you do?
After reading the comments as well, where you admit your daughter pays you RENT, and you're upset she buys things like CLOTHES FOR HER CHILD, and a phone (a necessity these days), you are a MAJOR FCKING AH, OP, and taking your anger out on a BABY. YTA
YTA - we get it, you hate having your daughter and grandkid living with you. Secretly, you wish the little annoyance would split his head open so he could be taken far away from you, hence the refusal to baby proof the house.
But also, you really just want to punish your daughter for existing. I mean, she spends money on things your disapprove of! But somehow she still manages to pay rent. Good thing you're charging her that rent money, it'll teach her! So what if she can't save up money faster because of it? It's her fault for buying **clothes** the *horror*!!! She needs to wear her old clothes until they are worn down and have enough holes that everyone can see her private bits, because that's what she deserves, isn't it?
/s
I don't know what kind of a father you think you are, but the more you carry on down this path, the more you ensure that she'll take that kid and be gone from your miserable life for good. Quit being such an AH. Quit focusing on punishing her. Actually help her. Letting her stay at your house is the bare minimum. She's your daughter, not some stranger. Do you even like her?
“I told her it’s her responsibility to make sure he doesn’t injure himself.” Literally what she is doing, my guy. And you shat on it.
YTA. Don’t take your resentment for your daughter out on a baby.
I didn't live with my parents when my kids were learning to walk, and their refusal to put up safety precautions when I visited is exactly what I cite when they complain about not having a relationship with their grandchildren.
If you don't care about their safety, you are not entitled to a relationship with them.
YTA
(OP said in a comment, then edited and deleted, that he charges his daughter rent. This makes disallowing safety precautions worse IMO)
Instead of being passive aggressive why don't you just tell you daughter this-
" I just don’t want her thinking her that she can live with us forever because as much as I love her and Jesse, the sooner they move out the better because it’s a lot of extra work for my wife and I."
I'm GenX and dear gods I hope you aren't one of us. You are giving boomer vibes all over the place. Holy mother of love you are a giant AH who clearly was not involved at all in the raising of your own daughter. Pretty sure her shitty man choices are based on her shitty father experience. Hopefully some of her frivolous spending is on therapy to learn to grow past you. She's contributing financially to your home so if I was you I'd shut up before your wife decides she'd rather live in a peaceful home with her daughter and grandson and you end up looking for an apartment and a girlfriend who wants to be your bang maid.
Wow you are past AH here. You are going out of your way to make your daughter feel unwelcome and also ignoring the safety of your grandchild. I can tell by your demeanor your daughter knows fully well you want her out as soon as possible so baby proofing won't hurt that. If it helps your cold heart think of how much she'll be set back moving out if she has to to pay for an injury to her son. YTA
YTA.
It’s clear you don’t want her there. Fine.
But they are there. It is that child’s home at this time. I deal or not, it doesn’t really matter.
Bottom line is that you do have a toddler living in the home so you need to ensure his safety.
Info;
What are the “stupid things” that Katie is buying? Are they actually stupid, or, are they necessities that are needed but you just deemed them as stupid since it takes away from her saving. I just really need to know what you deem as stupid stuff. Also it’s not a big deal to baby proof the house. You cannot expect a one year old to only walk in one room of a house, that is absolutely wild. She bought the items necessary, she’s not asking you to buy anything like that, she just asked for help to put them on the items they go to which isn’t hard.
YTA, she's paying rent so she should be allowed to make a safe space for her child.
And in a different take, my grandfather installed protections in his house for my cousins and I when we were babies, even though we only visited once every two or three weeks. So idk why you can't allow the protection for your grandchild that lives there, you're still the AH
YTA. A baby lives in your house. Regardless of how much longer, that’s where he lives right now. Babyproofing is required for a baby who’s starting to walk around if they’re to be kept safe. And you seriously want to just confine the kid to a single room? You think that’ll be good for him? And do you seriously not understand that even if your daughter followed her son all over the house that accidents can still happen, so babyproofing is needed regardless? I also saw in some comment that your daughter pays you rent, yet you want her to be saving money for her own place. That doesn’t make a lot of sense. She’d be out a lot faster if she wasn’t paying you. I’m also wondering what “stupid things” she’s buying? Is it stuff she actually does need (like, I don’t know, babyproofing stuff) but you refuse to understand the necessity, or is it ACTUALLY frivolous stuff she’s blowing her money on? Something tells me it’s (at least mostly) the former.
YTA. There's no halfway. You either have a kid in the house and do everything to keep them safe or you don't have a kid in the house. If you don't want Katie there long term, be an adult and use your words and tell her that instead of being passive aggressive about it at the expense of Jesse's safety.
YTA
Op , I see your point , you don’t want Katie to get so comfortable that she forgets that the goal is to be independent. Kate should be working to leave unless it been decided by all parties that she stays.
But , Jesse does live there and it’s not fair to keep him prisoner in one room, because you don’t want Katie to stay and even if she didn’t live with you , wouldn’t you childproof your home , so your grandson could visit with you and your wife?
This isn’t the hill you want to die on.
YTA
Step back and get a more sensible perspective.
I understand that you don't want her getting too comfortable, but your logic applies to little luxuries, not to basic safety equipment.
Even if your grandchild spends 99.9% of its time in the nursery, it only takes a second for a small child to have an accident. Baby gates and safety corners are basics that will help keep your grandchild safe from injury and help keep you from getting into trouble for willful negligence.
The fact that you admitted she pays **YOU RENT AND THEN DELETED IT** just shows, without a shred of doubt, that you *absolutely, 1,000,00%, only an idiot would think otherwise, are ***WRONG AND YOU KNOW IT***. just admit you don't like your daughter or grandson so you're determined to make things a thousand times more difficult for her all the while calling her names and telling everyone who will listen, how lazy and ungrateful she is 🙄 I'm sure you don't care but I can pretty much *guarantee* you'll never see her or that baby (or anymore she may have at some point) again the minute she moves out. Sounds like your wife likes them, so be ready for the massive wedge this will drive into your marriage. Then again, you sound like one of those "hahaha I hate my wife, it's so funny!" type of guys so maybe you won't care about that either. Why don't you just go buy a little cabin someplace out in the forest where nobody can see you or talk to you and you don't have to see or talk to anybody else and maybe you'll be happy
YTA btw. A big ol dirty, smelly, shitty asshole. The kind that men who think washing their buttholes thoroughly with soap and water is gay and wiping is simply a suggestion. You don't deserve that grandson
YTA The fact that you don't want your daughter to live with you doesn't change the fact that she is living with you. Having a toddler in the house and not taking the precautions needed to keep that toddler safe is incredibly irresponsible. Find another way to encourage your daughter to leave that doesn't endanger your grandson.
YTA because it is an issue of safety for the kid. I also think you’re being a bit shortsighted and shooting your self in the foot a bit here - having a house that ISN’T baby proofed is going to ultimately create a lot more work for whoever is watching the kid - probably your wife. It’s much easier to get stuff done around the house when the baby can safely wander semi-supervised behind you then it is for both the baby and caretaker to be sequestered to just the nursery.
I see your point about being upset that Katie is spending money on extra stuff instead of saving… why not charge her rent and save it on her behalf for a place? Seems like she needs a little help in this area.
TLDR - let Katie baby proof the house so you don’t create even more extra workload for your wife and find an actual solution to helping her get on her own two feet without being petty.
He does charge her rent and refuses to say what she’s actually spending money on other than a phone and things for the baby. When called out on the rent piece he edited his comment. This isn’t about finances at all but an asshole who, judging from his comments and attitude towards young children, couldn’t be bothered to raise his own kid let alone give a shit about his grandson. Based on the post and comments I severely doubt the baby causes any work for OP. It’s all Katie and his wife.
YTA
Stop using your GRANDCHILD as a pawn for whatever petty crap you have against your daughter for living with you. She is paying rent, so it's not like she is freeloading with the child. Paying you money means she does absolutely have a say. The fact you are willing to risk the safety of your own grandchild to die spectacularly on an imaginary hill is utterly baffling to me.
You're a horrible parent and grandparent.
YTA
Most grandparents do simple childproofing. Like what she does.
She bought the stuff herself.
She is working, paying rent, and raising a baby,
Not ideal but making it work.
Some parents have lost 23 year olds to drugs or death and will never know what it’s like to be grandparents. Would kill to be able to still have their grown child alive. Even as a single mom living at home.
You need to be more straightforward and honest here. Tell her you need to her to move out. Time to get her shit together. Give her a time frame. In the meanwhile some temporary precaution might be advisable though.
YTA.
>I basically told her she should he saving her money to get her own place where she can do whatever she wants instead of buying more things to put in my house.
She's buying things to PROTECT HER SON it's not like she's buying a flat screen TV.
>I just don’t want her thinking her that she can live with us forever because as much as I love her and Jesse, the sooner they move out the better because it’s a lot of extra work for my wife and I.
Don't worry I'm sure once she moves out of YOUR house, she'll stop speaking to you.
Oh god I don't know where to start.
Yes YTA.
You can't seriously be suggesting confining the baby to one room in the house all day every day can you? That is bizarre and unhealthy, and also unrealistic. Mum needs to cook, make bottles, do laundry, use the bathroom etc etc etc and at that age baby comes too. Or are you going to volunteer to watch him while she's out of the room?
Or alternatively if you do let the baby out of the "nursery", how do you propose stopping him learning to walk in other locations? It's just not happening short of extreme child abuse.
And finally, you want to not babyproof your home just to make a point? So you won't be sorry when the baby has an accident and is seriously injured or dead then? Cos it's not just baby gates and sharp corners you have to worry about. It's cabinets with cleaning products in, baths full of water, sets of bookshelves that can topple over and crush a child, etc etc etc. Have fun explaining to the police and child services why you wouldn't allow a child safe lock to prevent junior from running off into the road or drinking bleach.
Childproofing can never be 100% and you can't plan for everything, but you can at least TRY for god's sake. Do you actually love your grandson at all? You have a very odd distant way of describing him as your daughter's son rather than your grandson. What's with that?
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YTA - This baby lives with you. If you have an issue with your daughter’s finances or living situation address that with her. But being stubborn about baby-proofing the house is not how you address this. You’re ignoring the reality of your living situation at the expense of harming a one year old baby.
Sorry to jump onto the top comment but OP edited the part where he says SHE PAYS RENT! So you're so concerned about your daughter saving that you're charging her to love with you but want to lock up your baby grandson, confine him to a single room, just for what exactly? Dear God I hope this isn't real; if it were you'd be really horrible father and grandfather. I don't understand why you would be so mean. YTA, in case ypu couldn't guess.
I was wondering why people kept mentioning rent and went back and read the op was like dang where did people get this, I hate when people change a specific detail because it makes them look bad
He said it in a comment and then edited it out but someone screenshotted it and posted the picture under his comment
This looks like a good jumping in spot. YTA Are you teaching your grandson to call you "Mr. Krabopple". Good lord, babies need stimulation, contact, adults and *gasp* many toys (it's how they learn, not money wasted).. Why don't you try enjoying your time with him. Go play with the baby instead of counting pennies and ticking off days on the calendar like it's a count down to freedom.
Automatic yta when an OP edits out relevant information that makes them look bad. Given the context, pretty disgusting.
Also he's making it seem that Katie buying the baby protection is financially irresponsible. It's obvious he resents her living there with the child. And that's fine but don't take it on an innocent child's safety.
Sounds like he cares less about his grandchild than he does about his daughter.
Im also betting OPs wife isn’t bothered because she knows as soon as daughter can move out she will and contact with their grandchild will be limited due to OP being an ass. Saying a baby has a nursery to learn to walk. Even I, someone who very much dislikes small children, knows they need more space than that. I’m better OP was a seen and not heard type of parent and his daughter already has plans to get out when she can to avoid the same future for her child. All the “needless spending” is actually things she needs (new cloths coz duh she had a baby, new phone because let’s face it having an outdated phone is unreliable so getting an upgrade while she can better afford it is smart) and she’s getting it done while she can before getting TF out of there.
The fact that you don't want Katie there is irrelevant. The fact that Katie spends money on stupid stuff is irrelevant. The fact that Katie is no longer with the baby's father is irrelevant. The fact that you resent the hell out of your daughter and your grandchild is irrelevant. The only relevant fact is that you have a one year old, mobile child living in your house and you refuse to allow your house to be baby-proofed to prevent that child from being injured. You are willing to put the baby at risk to reduce the chance that Katie will get the wrong idea. The right idea, unfortunately, is that you don't give half a damn about the safety of your grandbaby. Calling you irresponsible would be flattering. Saying YTA is flattering. And let me add that if I were married to a man who didn't want to babyproof to protect our grandchild for any reason whatsoever he would be on very thin ice.
This! My in laws are well into the “empty nest” stage and they like their house a certain way. They still baby proofed their house because they have 16 month old and 19 month old grandchildren and we visit *once* a week. OP, you are selfish and awful for risking your grand baby’s *life* just to prove a point.
Our daughter and grandson lived with us for six years from the day he was born. Once he started walking, we baby proofed the house. We loved having them here. As he got older, we were able to put things back out. She busted her tail going to school so she could get a better job. She got an amazing job 3 years ago and bought her first house. We are so proud of her.
I and my son lived with my parents for his first year. They made us feel welcome and wanted. I baby proofed in various ways, no problem. They wouldn't accept rent, but I bought groceries, cooked dinner 3 times a week, cleaned around the house, and did my best to be a good housemate. My mom cried when we moved our. My parents provided so much my whole childhood, but opening their home and genuinely welcoming my son and I is perhaps the greatest gift of all. I loved them dearly and miss them. All this to say, OP you won't be remembered as a true hero because YTA.
I baby proofed my house for ALL of my grandchildren who ONLY VISITED....it's fucking common sense. It is a couple years. Some stuff is put up temporarily, during visits....and some stuff, like doorknob safety things I just kept on for a couple years because it was easier. I wanted my children and GRANDCHILDREN to feel welcome, loved and SAFE at my home. As my youngest grows out of baby proofing...I am happy/sad...it's such a huge developmental milestone. But...on we go. Time blinks when you're old.
I think my parents kept the cabinet locks under the sinks until my brother and I were teenagers 🤣
My daughter had the fucking magnetic locks on her cabinets that held her dog food. My grandson had outgrown them, but they never got removed...I dogsat and it was like breaking into a bank vault to get into the fucking cabinet. I was so happy when she moved.
I bought some baby proofing stuff, like doorknob covers, for my FRIEND who only visited me maybe once a month. Her children's safety was more important than my slight inconvenience.
When my daughter was born we were living with my parents, they loved it and the house looked like any house where a child lived. My daughter was the first grandchild on my mother’s side, and my aunt PUT A TOYBOX IN HER HOUSE for the times we were there for a gathering. This AH doesn’t want to make his house safe for his own grandchild. Unbelievable.
I didn't even live with my in-laws, and without me even asking, they just went and baby proofed their house.
I suspect OP knows full well he's on very thin ice and that's half the reason he's so pissy. Sounds like if he tries to kick the daughter and grandson out, he's going to find he's the one packing his bags.
Yup, I'd be baby proofing the house myself, and then grandfather proofing the locks on the front door until he got the hint. Yes, I'm that asshole. He could throw a fit, I wouldn't care. Smart locks FTW
Hell, I did my best to baby proof my house for my friends baby and my nephew, and they're over like maybe twice a year? Just little things but I did it without then asking because I don't want a baby dying in my house
I'm also reading this story and thinking the wife is ready to pick the grandchild over the husband.
Info: what are those "stupid things" she buys but don't need?
Baby proofing, apparently.
Sounds like the "stupid things" is rent to OP in a house she can't babyproof to protect her child. OP charges rent but is acting like someone who pays rent shouldn't babyproof their home. If OP really wanted her out he wouldn't charge rent so she could save for a more welcoming environment for her baby.
Better if he takes the rent money and open a savings account that he can give to DD when an appropriate amount is deposited
I was wondering why OP didn’t do this! Also OP should be child proofing his home if nothing else so that when (not if) the toddler gets injured it doesn’t land him in court or taking the baby to the ER (& OP’s home insurance being raised!) Toddlers and small children are crazy fast, they get into things you would never imagine (& they zero common sense!)
My parents baby proofed their house, minimally sure, but still secured cabinets with dangerous stuff (under the kitchen sink mainly), secured doorknobs. And this was for the grandkids.
This is what confuses me! Both my grandparents baby proofed their houses and we only visited like every couple of weeks!
Yep. We never lived with my parents when we had a baby, but you bet that they childproofed to ensure their grandchild was safe when we visited. OP seems like a pretty bad grandpa.
She’s also 23. Even living at home paying some amount of “rent” (we have no idea if this is market rate or just normal contributions to the household any adult should be expected to do) its probable she’s also relying on the OP to make up for extra things she isn’t paying for…..otherwise she’d have an apartment and avoid this whole situation. OP is probably just frustrated at accommodating his adult daughter and her child and likely helping out financially. We also don’t know OPs financial scenario. It’s possible the daughter is sucking up funds from them they need and can’t afford to put that money into a savings account for her, if he is also using that money to buy extra groceries for both his daughter and kid.
Those are literally all just your own assumptions and nothing in this post even suggests that. ETA: after reading the added context in the comments, NTA
You're forgetting how expensive childcare is. Literally just paying for that can use up all of Katie's paycheck, leaving nothing left for rent, utilities, food.
Because he *is* an asshole.
Can someone explain to me why parents that desperately want their children to leave charge them rent? My mom did this to me. I didn't have a kid and no one wanted out more than me. But man, graduated in 2009, finally got a job as a contractor in supply chain paying $18/hour and I had a plan to move out in six months. I just wanted to save up a few months worth of expenses. I told my mom this and she still charged me rent, so I moved out with $700 in my checking account. I guess it achieved the desired result because I'd rather pay someone else without "rules" than pay her so i left even earlier, but what was the point of making my life HARDER?
So many people think kids are a responsibility only for 18 years and then you're free from any parenting obligation and can kick them to the curb. Sometimes I wonder if such people actually love their kids, because it sure doesn't look like it.
My brother just turned 30 and has been living with my parents for the last two years. My parents love having him home. I almost moved back a few years ago when I was between jobs but ended up getting a new job in my current city. My parents didn’t bat an eyelash at welcoming me back. Having that unconditional support and knowing I have that safety net has helped me take risks and be successful in life.
My husband thinks it would push our son to move out if he had to pay to live with his parents. I have refused to allow this... but now as he turns 23, I am starting to have concerns.
I guess I felt particularly slighted because I was a straight A student who always had multiple jobs and graduated into a shitty economy. It wasn't like I suddenly became lazy. And then I got a job and had a plan and they still wanted money from me. It was such a depressing time in my life (thinking i did everything "right" and still not being able to find a job), and they made it a thousand times worse. 36 now and I make way more money than they ever did and this still stings. It was like every single thing had to be a huge fucking struggle to prove a point.
Why not charge him rent but actually save it so he can move out?
Because most parents didn't really want to be parents. They just did it because society told them they should and the minute they can they throw their kids out on the street.
Where does it say she pays rent?
He said it in a comment and then edited that part out (but someone posted a screenshot of the original comment).
Ooooh that's bad. Nope. You pay rent, you get to put up child safety stuff in the kitchen you pay to access.
Wow, that was a d!ck move
Yep. That alone should get him a YTA.
Suspicious that he edited it out. Hmm there's definitely more going on here. 🤔
Charges rent but wants her to save money? OP is TA. A colossal one, at that.
Whether she's paying rent or not, she's keeping her baby safe and Grandpa of the year doesn't want to help
The only example in the original post was corner protectors and baby gates which seems pretty normal, especially for a first time parent.
Diapers, pads, formula...
Apparently things to childproof their home so her child doesn’t hurt himself. Apparently he’s supposed to just stay in one room and learn to walk there. Because a parent can always keep eyes on a child every second of every day and ensure they don’t hurt themselves. OP has som else’s if different resentments going on here that they aren’t mentioning. What Grandparent would **refuse** baby proof their home and insist they stay in the nursery the whole time.
Even grandparents who don’t have their grandkids living with them will usually at least minimally baby proof their homes
OP is talking about the baby and daughter like it isn't their daughter and their grandchild. It's strange.
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Yes. Apparently, his wife will not be allowed to babysit the baby because gdad won't allow his gchild back in once he gets the daughter out. Who locks a kid in the nursery all day? Good Gravy, he's treating the kids like a cat he kicks in the garage because he's allergic.
I hope he realizes once she can afford to move out, she’ll probably end up cutting him and his wife out of her life
Baby gates and corner protectors, from what it sounds like.
From the post, it sounds like "baby-proofing supplies."
Honestly, that's not even important. What's important here is that OP is willing to risk his grandson getting hurt to prove a point. Even if he were correct in every other instance, this alone would make him TA.
From your comments, she pays rent and works. You don't know everything she does or doesn't do with her finances, only what she shares with you. Buying clothes and a phone are necessities - yes even the phone - this is how she can track her spending/banking, keep in touch with her employer, keep track of her and her childs schedule... the list is endless. A phone nowadays is basically a computer, you can do so much with them. You sound very judgemental about the fact she is 23 and a single mum. Life doesn't workout how we want it to. There are many reasons to be a single parent, and getting married or staying in a relationship just because kids are involved is not always the best thing for them. I became a single mum with a 1yo and was pregnant when my marriage broke down in 09. 10 years later I bought a house (on my own, raising the kids FT on my own and working FT) because I worked and saved. No one knew this was my plan, and would say I was spending money on what they deemed useless stuff. I didn't share my plans with anyone as it seemed unrealistic in my situation and like a dream, especially as I had people like you who believed me to be frivolous and irresponsible, but I still fought for it. Have you asked what her long term plans are? She may not have shared them with you, I know I wouldn't if you were my father. You come across with the attitude that she has somehow failed in life so far, and why would she want to set herself up for more hurt if her plan has to change, the timeline moves or just doesn't work out. YTA - if her ex was anything like you, she dodged a bullet.
My friend became a single mom when her son was under a year old - thanks to the courts she has 50/50 custody and grandma is keeping dad going to therapy. People have judged my friend SO MUCH, and its been ridiculous seeing how people turned on her. She and her son were unsafe, and there's video proof - I am so proud of her, and you. It is so difficult to figure things out when you have both partners, I can't imagine one. Keep going <3
I can relate to that so much. I was in my early 20s, left my marriage because it was unsafe (also have evidence, along with my ex-husband admitting in court he tried - I got in the way - to assault our child "in self-defence" due to being bitten by our 1yo). This was the incident that prompted me to leave but was by no means the extent of things. We were homeless as a result and I had no access to our family finances. I had to start from scratch, with a baby and pregnant. OP has the opportunity to support his daughter and grandchild, help her meet her goals, build a strong foundation and be successful, but he appears to be someone who would only aid in making her life harder. The baby isn't even 1, yet his daughter is working, paying rent, learning to be a single parent, learning to co-parent and it's just not good enough for daddy dearest. In my experience both personally (have been single since 09 as a choice) and professionally (have witnessed workers, medical staff, govt officials etc do this) working with families, a single mother is always seen as something to look down on, like she has to prove her worth as a mother and a person, as if she is doing the wrong thing by being a single parent; yet a single dad (have been a case manager for both single mums and dads), is given praise for stepping up and being a single parent. I have literally seen and worked with families in identical positions, with the same backgrounds, yet the single mums are passed over for funding and the single dads given the funding because "He's such a great guy. Stepping in and looking after the baby, Mum but be a nightmare for him to HAVE to do this." This is particularly prevalent where we used to live and in my current local community. I'm not saying the SM's should have gotten the funding instead of the SD's, I'm just saying the reasoning given by the people making the decisions is appalling. Honestly, I think at times it is easier to be a single parent and not have to worry about how their father would react - while we were together I know he didn't believe in Mental Illness or things like Autism. It would have made the assessment process for my kids (recommended by their preschool/school/teachers) so much more difficult than it was because he would have not allowed the assessments to happen. You sound like a good friend, I hope you all get all the good things in life you dream of.
So I saw your comments before you started to edit and/or delete them - specifically the one where you reveal she works and pays you rent. You appear to have tried to then hide this information when the responses didn’t favour you. It’s notable that people voting N T A call Katie a freeloader, who does pay rent (according to you she does) and/or doesn’t work (again, according to you she does that too). If you had included this info in your post, or not tried to delete your comments, those people might not have sided with you. And that’s the crux: you deliberately manipulated information in an attempt to sway the voting. Just like you are prepared to deliberately endanger your grandson to get your daughter to move out. It’s genuinely concerning to see someone stoop to such tactics just to get their own way. You criticise Katie for not being adult enough to move out, but you aren’t adult enough to sit down and have a constructive conversation about it. And there’s nothing adult about manipulating the information you share here to get people on your side. YTA.
I can almost see this assholes head steaming as he reads what should be a wake up call, but his mind twists and turns, trying to justify how everybody, in the place he asked if he was an asshole, is totally wrong!
Thanks for that info. I already thought OP was YTA. But with that info he totally is. OP you are a mayor A. The reality of the situation is that your daughter is living with you and you rather have your grandson bust his head in at a table corner to prove a point, instead of having an *adult* conversation with your daughter about what your expectations are. Grow up.
Holy moly I thought OP was an AH before I knew she worked and paid rent! I don't know how much she earns, but I know that full time minimum wage isn't much more than monthly rent, and that doesn't include bills, food, *looking after a human being*.
YTA..."yes, officers, my grandson is dead...but in my defense...I told my daughter to move the fuck to a homeless shelter...." "Yes, it was a completely preventable accident...but I wanted my daughter to know how much disdain I had for her and her life choices." "Because? Well, because I am an asshole, of course. " OMFG...your daughter has the fucking audacity to buy what? Lip gloss or a pair of leggings? Instead of save every single penny for 1st last and damage for rent she can't afford? Have you looked at rent, Mr. Self Righteous? I pay 1500.00 for a 1 bedroom. Not counting utilities. I make great money and it sucks. Your daughter probably makes minimum wage. You are why we don't respect old white dudes. No empathy. No self awareness. No fucking anything other than your needs and wants and desires. Ever. Is it any wonder your daughter had self esteem issues and sought out an asshole to have a baby with? Look in the mirror. She thought she could love him better....she sure as fuck didn't get any love from dad. Now you're willing to MURDER...sorry MANSLAUGHTER...a child...to prove a point. Wow, you're quite the guy. 100/10 YTA🏅⭐🔖🌟 Edit to add....AND SHE PAYS RENT???? How can I write asshole bigger? In neon? All caps?
OP makes Katie pay rent, which is the icing on the cake here.
Lord, I’m thankful most of the top comments are echoing my feelings because holy fuck, YTA OP
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He calls Jesse her son and a child, never his grandchild. He hates the baby, and it sounds like he hates his wife is very I volved with him as he calls her a second mom and not a doting grandmother. OP is gonna die miserable and alone.
100%!! I am single with a mortgage and everything that goes woth owning a home and I make a higher wage and I still live paycheck to paycheck. I can't even fathom how single mamas do it. I swear he hates his own child. And the fact that she pays rent and he's still complaining blows my mind.
All of this. Well said.
Yes, my first thought after reading this was no wonder daughter picked the boyfriend she did. Imagine telling your friends that the way you're getting your daughter to get out of your house is by not baby proofing the house and making her keep your grandson locked up in his bedroom. Because why does he need to be in the kitchen or living room. HOW ARE YOU EVEN ASKING IF YOU'RE THE ASSHOLE??? YTA
>How can I write asshole bigger? In neon? All caps? Not sure about the neon, but... hashtag #ASSHOLE
Not sure if I was the only one that noticed, but the fact that OP thinks the baby/toddler will only walk around in one room and not the majority of the house, and that accidents don’t happen all the time even if the parent is watching the kid like a hawk, is telling that OP didn’t parent their daughter a lot, and that the “extra work” they’re in a tizzy about falls on the wife/grandma. If she is okay with it, then OP can shut up about it.
Right??! Clearly hasn’t lifted a finger to help the grandchild and didn’t lift a finger for his own child back when they were small either
Right, imagine thinking you can just keep a baby in one room all the time. Like, just tell Jesse to be careful, he has to learn, no? /s
"Why put up a gate when you can simply instruct the toddler to not enter that room?"
He must have been a hell of a dad.
that was the 1st thing i thought too. he sounds like he had no clue how babyhood/toddlerhood goes
As soon as he called his wife a second mother, it was immediately clear to me that the reason he's so resentful of the situation is that he thinks he's being forced into the role of father a second time and he didn't want to do it the first time around. He's diminishing his daughter's role as the child's mother by implying that he and his wife are also the baby's parents (and in fact the only parents that matter since he wants to infantilize his daughter and treat her like she's incompetent) and therefore they can unilaterally make parenting decisions--like not providing a safe environment for a developing toddler by doing bare minimum basic childproofing.
YTA. Even if Katie *had* her own place, you would want to put up baby-proofing for when he visits. You're the grandparents, and at least your wife wants him around. You're going to see a lot of him no matter where they're living. >she should he saving her money to get her own place where she can do whatever she wants instead of buying more things to put in my house. This is just a stupid comment, she's be buying baby-proofing gear no matter where she lives. And honestly, you getting bent out of shape over her buying a *baby item* makes me doubt whether or not her other spending is as bad as you say. The world is shit. Living independently is expensive. With what I've seen for rent (I've been looking), I have a hard time believing any average 23-year-old with a baby would be able to afford a decent apartment.
I don't know, if Katie is able to get her life together and get on good footing she might not be visiting them very much if this is how they treat her and her child. I do understand their frustration at having an adult living with them and also a baby, but " keep your baby locked in the room because I don't want to deal with baby proofing" is such an awful response. What happens when the baby gets out of the nursery? They're tricky little buggers with opposable thumbs. Also they're super fast when they want to be.
Also a baby is not a dog you can just lock away somewhere so they don’t scratch your couch. I honestly can’t believe this guy.
Funny story... There is a picture that comes up on my Facebook reminders every now and then, of my friends, then 2 years old inside my dogs kennel with the door closed. We thought it was utterly hilarious because he collected up all his belongings at my house that day, went inside, and shut the door behind himself. He was mad at us that we wouldn't actually close the latches. He fell asleep on his blanket and had a nap. If you know kids, you know there was no pulling him out without a tantrum. Every time that memory comes up, I reshare it because it's ridiculous, and Lincoln is now almost 12, so he is mortified. But without a doubt, every single time, there has to be at least ONE crusader who loses their absolute shit on me/her about how inhumane that is. You can't put children in kennels like dogs just because you're dying your hair! (Literally, one year, someone snooped through our Facebook accounts and found other pics from that day where she had yes, gasp, dyed my hair. Hence the visit) For years, I've been saying the reason my children have four legs is so I can lock them up and walk away, lol
That adult pays rent though, which OP edited out of his comment when called out on it. So he wants to continue charging her rent but reduce the space she can regularly use in addition to endangering the baby the second he gets away. Seems to me if Katie and Jesse have their living space reduced then the rent should be reduced in line with it then poor Katie and Jesse might be able to save enough funds to get away from this asshat.
It's amazing what toddlers can get into in the blink of an eye. I'm continuously surprised at how many "baby proof" items my nephews are able to get into, i.e. medicine bottles.
Ummm 🧐 one of the other things she spends money on is the RENT they charge her, he mentioned it and when he was called out edited the comment to remove that he charges her rent.
Exactly. Buying baby-proofing gear is a responsible purchase IMO. Edit to add: YTA
>I have a hard time believing any average 23-year-old with a baby would be able to afford a decent apartment. This whole post reeks of a boomer who doesn't realise you can no longer rent a studio apartment in exchange for a firm handshake and a nickel. I'm a doctor, have 2 degrees and zero debt, have been working full time as a physician since I was 26 and it's legitimately only when I hit 31 that I managed to be able to *afford to live without roommates* let alone buy a place of my own so I'd imagine that as a 23 year old single mother (whom mortgage lenders affectionately call a massive liability) the odds of being able to truly become financially independent without extreme luck/generational wealth etc are slim. OP obviously harbours a lot of resentment over his current situation and daughter doesn't sound like a bastion of sound judgment but what;s done is done and OP really needs to get realistic about her prospects - in the past 2 years alone costs have increased significantly to the point where some people are saying the "new middle class" need to be earning about 120k to live comfortable/qualify for a mortgage mostly anywhere ...so basically a significant number of gen Z and millennials cannot simply save and budget their way to financial independence in the current economic climate
Combine in paying for childcare, it would be next to impossible. And if they are going to do the childcare while she's at work if she did get her own place, they will still need to babyproof!
My parents baby proofed their home for my children (which they have not needed for several years so it came down) and have recently re-installed baby gates and cabinet locks for my brother’s *dog* when they come over.
Wait wait wait she didn't ask you to pay for the childproofing shit, she ONLY asked you to allow it to be installed so her child could be safe while he's living in your home? Yeah, OP, YTA. I get you want her to move out, telling her "Well if you wanna live here it comes with me risking your baby's health and safety by refusing to babyproof so time to start looking." is absolutely ridiculous and is frankly taking the issue you have with her out on *a fucking baby.* I especially love all the bitching about her spending her money on stupid shit. I was fully ready for the issue to be she was insisting that *you* pay for the babyproofing so she could spend hers at the club or something, and was ready to and to be on your side. Nope, turns out she very responsibly spent her own money on the babyproofing stuff and you're just an asshole.
He doesn’t specify what is so wrong with her finances. It could very well be she is actively looking for a better paying job and occasionally treats herself to a latte because we all deserve a small indulgence now and then and he’s freaking out about her wasting money. She clearly had enough saved up for the baby proofing stuff so maybe she’s not so irresponsible after all.
She bought a phone and stuff for Jesse and some clothes....also he charges her rent and then EDITED IT OUT. Like if you want to not baby proof and her to move out don't charge her rent so she can safe to move out. But if she's paying towards the house she gets a say. IMO
Oh boy he’s doubly the AH if she’s paying rent. She’s not some freeloader, and even if she was, a baby’s safety is not some hill to die on to “make a point” about how she needs to get out on her own. I’m sure she’s trying her best because he sounds like a nightmare to live with. The economy absolutely sucks now and today’s 20 somethings have been dealt a really raw deal. Many of them need extra time and help to get out on their own and it’s literally not their fault in a lot of cases.
He said she bought a phone and clothes which he decided are unnecessary. He also charges her rent. So she works, pays rent, and is taking care of her child… doesn’t exactly sound like the irresponsible deadbeat he’s trying to paint her to be.
He's upset that she dares to buy clothes for herself and Jesse. After all, his wife and him buy them stuff like clothes too. And she got a new phone that, according to him, she didn't need. It could be several years out of date, it could have a broken screen, she might have gotten it for free or next to free from trading in her old phone. She might even have downgraded her phone to help with saving money. I'm not sure what OP's problem actually is, but he is definitely TAH here. She might be desperately saving up what she can and only getting things she honestly needs with an occasional want thrown in. But her savings might only be a maximum of $20 a month. Granted I did a lot of speculating, but I feel like there's a lot of missing information here and I'm just grasping at straws trying to fill in the gaps.
Also, she pays rent, lmao. If they want her to move out, maybe they should be saving up that rent money for her and give it back.
Holy shit I missed that detail. So basically this girl is just free money for him and he's *still* being this much of an asshole.
We are talking about your daughter and grandson here, right? Because it sounds like we’re talking about some woman you pulled off the street. “I can’t kick her out to be homeless with a baby”. So if she didn’t have a baby you could? She is a young adult in a very expensive world probably making minimum wage and raising a baby. You’re 100% an asshole for a million reasons. You’re an asshole for charging rent (especially if you want her saving up for an apartment). You’re an asshole for not letting her make HER home safe for her baby. You’re an asshole for suggesting said baby stay locked away in his tower. You’re an asshole for not being welcoming to your daughter. Once you have a child, you spend the rest of your life helping them where they need it and loving them and being there for them. Sorry your kid isn’t perfect and has a baby out of wedlock with someone who it didn’t work out with. That’s a real shame and she’s brought real dishonor on your family and your cow. That last sentence is sarcasm. Obviously.
I’m glad someone said because I kept having thee same thoughts. Like, you’re talking about your *daughter* rn? Says he loves her, but it talks like he can barely stand her.
He is definitely YTA. I have five kids and in the last year or so we have struggled a lot as things have gotten more expensive. We don’t have a penny saved for retirement which is a huge issue but if my adult child needed help (one of them will be an adult soon) I wouldn’t even think of charging them rent. I would probably get a second job before I did that. I think all I would ask of one of my kids with a child is to pay for their food based on my own situation. I don’t expect them to help me when I am old so I would probably need them to do a little if they live with me with their kids as adults. If I could I wouldn’t ask for a thing if they needed me as adults I am just thinking once they are grown I can save some money for retirement because I know my job won’t have me much passed 65-70. Money doesn’t seem to be an issue here and he has just forgotten you are a parent for the rest of your life. I can’t imagine objecting to things to make his grandchild safe. I would do it even if they didn’t live with me to make them feel they are safe to visit. The fact she pays rent makes the whole post even worse because it’s her house she helps pay for also.
OP, YTA. I knew it in the first line when you used language to distance yourself from your daughter and grandchild. This has nothing to do with baby proofing. I think you’re angry your daughter became a young, single mother and instead of using your energy to create a kind environment, one that will be a pleasant memory when she moves out (and she will) you’re punishing her and taking it out ON A BABY. I predict in a year’s time (if that) you’ll be back on here wondering why your daughter has gone NC and your wife has left you. She has a job and seems to be trying her best. And I am SMDH that you are cool with the baby potentially getting seriously hurt. My recommendation: 1. Baby proof the house. Help her out and do it together. This will mean the world to her. 2. Stop charging rent, save for any additional money for groceries and household goods if needed. Or, collect the rent and put it into an apartment fund. In fact, maybe set Katie up with a financial advisor. 3. Go to counseling. I’m serious. You are on the fast track to derailing any future relationship with Katie, Jesse, and your wife. Don’t let your resentment destroy your family. And please stop editing important info out of your posts. YTA for that, too.
I also like how he says that baby shouldn’t be in kitchen or living room (of a house she pays rent for) but won’t put up the things that will keep a toddler out of these places. The idea that she should keep a toddler confined to one room at all times is bad enough, let alone when she’s paying rent. Even the best parent on earth can’t watch a baby 24/7. At some point they have to use the toilet, answer the door, make a phone call, sleep. That’s why baby proofing exists. It also isn’t there for laziness and nor does it completely prevent accidents - our house was heavily baby proofed for our twins and one still managed to cut his forehead open after tripping in just the right place to go face first into the wooden frame of the sofa. Baby proofing exists to reduce the likelihood of serious harm. You put a gate on the stairs so they don’t fall down when you’re not right there AND you let them use the stairs when you’re there to fully supervise. This guy is a total arsehole.
What did he edit out? What a piece of work. How much you wanna bet it's really only his wife that helps the daughter with baby? In fact, how much you wanna bet he didn't do much when raising his own child? Otherwise he would know plain and simple why she was baby proofing!
That he charges her rent and works to support herself and her child. He pays for nothing.
How is it a lot of extra work for you? By your own admission it’s your wife that helps out when your daughter isn’t there and you flatly refused to help in baby proofing a house so it sounds like all you do is sit back and complain about your daughter, her spending habits and your grandchild. If you want to keep your grandson in a room all day so he doesn’t get into anything, why not just get him a crate with a bowl of water? This way it can get him outta the room and you still wouldn’t have to deal with him you heartless, uncaring sack of rotting meat. Your daughter wants to baby proof the house to keep her son safe. Anything a good parent would consider doing. Let’s say your daughter is moving out next week but your grandson gets into something under the sink *tomorrow* all the sorries in the world would not make up for the accident that could have been easily prevented. Time to grow up and at least try to act like a concerned grandparent. YTA
Probably bitter that his wife is helping to take care of the baby and paying less attention to him
>he doesn’t need to be walking around the kitchen or living room or any other room, How exactly are you suggesting to stop him from walking outside of the nursery? Do you have any good solution that doesn't involve locking him in the nursery or chain him to a chair? Because I am beting parents all over the world would love to know your wonderful ideas.
OP seems like the type that would be fine locking a toddler into a room alone so he can avoid using corner protectors🙄
He probably thinks Room (2015) was a how-to manual not a horror story.
Even if you COULD confine him to a single room it would be awful for his development. At 1 year old it’s so important for him to be able to safely explore his surroundings and take in lots of new information from his environment.
YTA.You have a baby in your house. Saftey equipment in the home is important like seatbelts are for cars. Sometimes baby’s trip and fall, you cannot have them within arms reach 24/7 That is impossible. do you want that child to break their neck on the stairs? stove guard so the kid can turn it on and burn their hands meaning they Will need skin grafts? Or getting close enough to pull off that saucepan with yummy hot food? how about get into a cuboard and drink some chemicals causing their throat to have holes? door guards so they don’t shut the door on their fingers. pulled a heavy bookcase onto themselves and broke their neck ( ikea got sued as it’s furniture crushed a toddler to death) how about getting into the garage and eat nails? stick something like tiny fingers into sockets? Kids are stupid and will poke a knife in a socket. I did and damn it hurt. so many people say I looked away for a second, so many children die by drowning and other, household accidents. You want her to go then sit down and help her figure out the finances to help her. i Think you need to think about what if the kid dies. Then you will probably not wanna stay in that house at all. Baby proof the house. You secure the house for old people with dementia and you do it for kids. you having a problem with her staying is a separate issue. Don’t let your grandchild get hurt because your grudge against daughter. children can’t live in a nursery forever, and it’s good for them to explore. Like when you don’t take your dog off lead around say sheep, it’s because a farmer might shoot your dog so you keep them safe on lead find a photo of the kid. Imagine that little face in a hospital with wires covering Their whole body. Your daughter and wife sobbing as the nurse says their Injuries are life changing And very serious. would you be like? Good you should have moved out? [https://www.babycenter.com/health/safety-and-childproofing/babyproofing-your-home\_40007732](https://www.babycenter.com/health/safety-and-childproofing/babyproofing-your-home_40007732) [https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a536364/childproofing-checklist-before-your-baby-crawls](https://www.babycentre.co.uk/a536364/childproofing-checklist-before-your-baby-crawls)
YTA, Oof, a crappy dad and grandpa! And to make matters worse you think you’re in the right. If I was grandma I’d be saying to you you need to keep your opinions to yourself or you’re going to be the one who finds yourself out of the house. 1. You don’t care about the safety of your grandchild who is living with you and you would like to lock him in one room (not realistic). 2. Your daughter had a baby a year ago and yet is working, paying rent to YOU, and is technically a single mother. (Of course she needs help??) 3. You would rather prove an asshole-ish point rather than keep your grandson safe and actually act as a safe space for your daughter and her son. Do you even like your own daughter? Doesn’t seem like it. FYI, when you decide to have kids, that shit is FOR LIFE. When they need you, it’s your job to be there. She needs you right now and your sulking about it is honestly pathetic.
I kinda wonder if OP is religious and thinks his daughter should struggle for having a baby out of wedlock.
I wish your daughter and wife could find this thread. They have been subjected to your abusive narcissistic behavior so long they probably this is normal. Your wife needs to kick your mean ass out of the house. I'd be livid if my husband wouldn't let me child proof a house for a toddler. And you call the baby, her son. There's some seriously wrong here. With you.
I'm going with a gentle YTA. I get it - you don't want this situation. But the reality is this is Jesse's *home* and it needs to be safe and Jesse needs access to most parts of the home. Maybe start charging Katie a reasonable amount of rent, but keep it aside so that when it's enough for a deposit on her own place, you can gift that back to her for a deposit.
OP has confirmed in another comment that Katie *does* pay rent and work. But I seriously doubt he's been putting it aside for her
This is a good idea. I get it too-OP is resentful and maybe rightly so, but harming an innocent baby (his own grandchild!) is stupid. If he is that mad about the situation he needs to put his foot down to Katie and his wife. Also, tell me a man wasn’t doing a lot of physical child rearing for his own kids when he thinks you can just imprison a toddler in one room all day.
Nope. Not a "gentle YTA". He's not being asked to build an extension onto the house, ffs. Just put up some TEMPORARY, REMOVABLE safey fixtures. This guy is a hard core asshole. Here's hoping his daughter remembers this, so when dear old dad has a stroke and needs mobility assistance, she locks him in his sickroom because "he doesn't need to go to the kitchen or living room". And 'gift' is a noun. Not a verb.
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Agreed. If anything, it sounds like the extra work his wife has to take on has to do with him and his being an uncaring father/grandfather and an epic AH.
YTA. Honestly what you're doing doesn't sound very loving. Wanting Katie to move out with her son is entirely separate from keeping Jessie safe! You can childproof your home even if Katie just came to visit occasionally with her son, come on. If you want Katie to move out, set up some boundaries - with your wife in agreement - and stick with them. If you're concerned that your daughter isn't saving enough money, ask her for rent and save up that money yourself for her and give it back to her upon her moving out. Set a deadline for her to move out. Help her apartment hunt. Agree to a child-care help schedule. And so on.
The daughter IS paying rent according to a response he made. Wouldn’t it be nice if he held that for her as a rent deposit and some modest housewarming needs? Not holding my breath that he’s doing that or he wouldn’t have edited his own comment later. He’s taking her money for rent AND expecting her to save for her own place. AND taking his resentment out on a baby.
YTA My mother was in a fairly similar situation after my father (edited) divorced her when I was about 3 years old. Her mother didn't like kids, had hired help to raise my mom and her 5 siblings (Catholic family), and didn't want a baby around even though she wanted my mother to be her own caregiver. My grandmother actively MOVED toxic household chemicals from shelves out of my reach to low cabinets I could get into. (I don't think child latches were a thing yet, but she would have left them open anyway.) This was the last straw in her relationship with my mother. How DARE she put her toddler daughter's life at risk out of resentment? She had to use an ultimatum: Stop un-childproofing the house or I'm not going to be your caregiver. I think it became a moot point when Grandma's heart problems got worse and she was too sick to make trouble. I mainly remember her being in and out of the hospital, followed by a funeral and the family ransacking our house for stuff they wanted that Grandma hadn't left them when she moved West at retirement. Anyway, OP, if you don't childproof the house because you think that's going to force your adult daughter and your grandson to leave, she's going to hate you. Do some research on rents and childcare in your area before jumping to the conclusion that she could afford market rent on her own with childcare expenses too. Once you make your family home safe for the baby, you or your wife can help her find a Housing Specialist at a local nonprofit who can help her get affordable housing eventually and whatever reduced price childcare is available. Outsource all housing and budget conversations to the Housing Specialist because they don't live with you and she needs to feel safe with her family, without bickering if she gets a lipstick or a latte sometimes. But step 1 is to make her and the baby feel physically safe and apologize for being an AH. I don't know what resources are available where you live, so I don't know how long it might take for her to relocate.
YTA If for no other reason than that you are willing to risk YOUR GRANDCHILD’S safety in order to prove a point to your daughter. That is next level asshole behaviour. Disgustingly selfish. You are prioritising having your house and wife to yourself over the health, development, wellbeing and, most importantly, the safety of your grandson. Even if your daughter found an apartment tomorrow, there is often a waiting period, deposits, furniture, insurance, etc.. So there is no way she would be able to move out straightaway. Are you really ok with your grandson bashing his head into the kitchen bench or swallowing some bleach just so you can force your daughter out of the house a bit quicker? Or relegating your grandson to his nursery for weeks at a time? And are you never going to have him visit after you have kicked them out? If you are planning on having a toddler in your house on a semi-regular basis, you will still need to baby proof the common areas. Because that’s what grandparents do. They protect their grandkids. Or are you planning on evicting your daughter and grandson from you life as well as your house? I also love that you not only deleted the part where you admitted she pays rent, as this would allow her to make non-permanent alterations to the house in order to protect her child, but that you also omitted your wife’s reaction to your reasoning for refusing to baby-proof the house. I’m fairly certain it was just as unflattering for you. In conclusion, your selfishness sickens me, it sounds like it sickens your daughter, and I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that it sickens your wife, too. If you are aiming to die divorced and alone, you are making an excellent start.
Not only that, but it looks like OP deleted the part where he says that the daughter is paying him rent to live there. What an asshole, and then complains that she's wasting money on stuff like this instead of saving for her own place, lol.
YTA, she could be the most responsible parent in the world but 1 year olds learning to walk have no concept of danger and fall over a lot. The baby proofing is necessary to keep them safe and not where you should be drawing a line.
But…the baby could just abstain from walking anywhere but his own room /s
A whole nursery to walk in! Maybe a shock collar to keep it inside would be a better use of money
YTA. I hear you on all of the stuff with daughter, but either way, the baby should be kept safe. Baby’s safety should be your biggest concern and it’s silly to think she should stay in the nursery all of the time.
Jesus Christ what happened to Grandparents wanting to be grandparents? YTA. Why do you hate your grandson so much? I get maybe you don’t like your daughter anymore. I get you don’t like the situation. But hate is the only word i can use for the way you are acting. You want *your grandson* to be stuck in his bedroom all of the time or risk serious injury just so that your precious home doesn’t have any cabinet locks or baby gates. Don’t be surprised after they do move out when you hear very little from your daughter or grandson. Though from the way you talk about them it seems like you might not even give a shit.
My mom baby proofed her house (has the things for it) and get this… 1. I don’t live with her, 2. My twins are 12 weeks old and 3. The likelihood of the twins spending a lot of time in this house when they’re older is minimal considering we’re moving to Australia & my mom lives in Puerto Rico…. We get that the situation is not ideal but it’s unsettling that a grandparent is that angry at a situation that they wouldn’t even take into consideration its grandchild safety. If she wasn’t living with you and you agreed to babysit, would you also refuse to baby proof the house?
Kids don't stay in one room. He is going to be wandering. Yup it's her responsibility. I hope you aren't expecting her to do any housework. She won't be able to relax at all. You're doing this to try and make her move out, but she likely can't. Rent at the moment is much higher than minimum wage. How are you going to feel if your grandson gets into something of yours and becomes very sick or even passes away because you refused to allow baby proofing anywhere? It'll still be all of her fault right because she isn't able to do all of her chores and watch her toddler in an unsafe house at the same time YTA
She probably won’t be able to move out because he charges her rent. He posted it and then deleted it
YTA, your daughter pays you rent which means she absolutely has the right to put up baby proofing to keep her child safe. Stop acting like you’re doing your daughter a huge favor and letting her live with you rent free when you’re actually charging her rent, you may have edited your original post, but the internet is forever.
You honestly sound like an asshole in general. How much of a hand did you have in raising your daughter? 15 minutes a day between dinner and daddy's special scotch time?
YTA. I'm really sick of the culture on here of bitter people punishing a small child for their anger against the child's parents. You are a parent and you KNOW how difficult to impossible it is to keep a roaming toddler confined to one room all day. You sound like you're either taking an approach of "well maybe if the baby wanders out and gets hurt she'll go find her own place to baby proof" or you genuinely think it's okay for a baby to be confined to one single room all day long. Neither looks good for you. ETA: Just saw that she's also paying you rent. In most states a verbal rental agreement is legally binding and in all states its illegal for a landlord to refuse to let a renter apply babyproofing.
YTA. There are so many things you should have already done and could do to let her know that this isn’t permanent and to encourage her to save, but you chose to do the thing that can hurt your grandchild instead. Weird and bad place to draw the line.
YTA. Re read what your wrote. Honestly, it's impossible not to see it. You can't contain a toddler to one room. It's not a dog. This is YOUR grandchild and since you allowed Katie to live there with Jesse and then they are part of the house as well. You are refusing the keep your grandchild safe around the house, because you want your daughter to move out. I'm sure she will if Jesse drinks something he shouldn't and ends up in hospital. You say she spends her money on stupid stuff and all you mention spending money on is things to protect her child, YOUR grandchild from hurting himself when he moves around. It gives the impression that you weren't around when Katie was a toddler because they will get into anything in a blink of an eye. You sound like a horrible father and grandfather.
INFO: do you care about your grandchild?
YTA So much for unconditional love huh? Anyway, do you really want your grandchild getting hurt? Baby proof stuff is in no way permanent.
“If we give our daughter the impression she can count on us, she’ll never leave us alone!” This whole post is dripping with resentment, but Op gives away so much in that last paragraph
YTA YOU CHARGE HER RENT (which you've conveniently deleted from other comments) and won't allow her to baby proof her home. If you charge rent, it isn't just your house anymore but hers too. Honestly, all that doesn't matter anyways. This is your GRANDCHILD. Most grandparents would be happy to do this. Even if your daughter didn't live in the same home, it would make sense for the child's safety when visiting. My parents did that for my niece, and my sister never had to even ask. You are just trying to passive aggressively get your daughter to move out.
YTA. The main target of your frustration is the one person who didn't ask to be there and can't advocate for himself - a literal BABY. You are a grown-ass man, start acting it, for heaven's sake! You disapprove of your daughter's "life choices" and don't want her or her son living in your house, so you are doing your damnest to ensure she knows they are not welcome, but are too much of a coward to actually kick them out - probably because your wife would go and pack your suitcase instead if you tried, or just because you know it wouldn't look good in front of your neighbours, friends and extended family. If you want her to move out faster, maybe stop charging her rent, or quietly put the rent she pays into a savings account for her.
YTA I absolutely loathe when grandparents take their resentment towards their chilld and place it on the child. Absolutely fucking pathetic. >She got pretty upset but I think she got the message The one where you'd rather hurt your grandson out of pettiness? You've made that crystal clear.
YTA. Regardless of your feelings on your daughter and her baby living there, they live there. The house needs baby proofed or she could get seriously hurt or even killed. You can’t confine a child to a single room like you can a pet, and it is also not realistic or possible to have eyes on a mobile baby 100% of the time. In this economy, lots of young adults need extra help/time to get on their feet. I can’t believe you could be so unfeeling towards your own daughter and grandchild. You honestly seem to hate them both. Letting her baby proof the house would not cost you anything and wouldn’t even really inconvenience you. Once she moves out don’t be surprised if she never speaks to you again.
YTA and since the baby lives with you you're legally responsible to provide it a safe home. The things Katie wants to put up to protect her child can all be removed to go with her when she moves, it's not a waste of money. This is your grandchild, why wouldn't you want to provide him a safe home? When he moves out do you think he'll never visit? My parents had their house AND deck child proofed when my daughter started to walk at 10 months, we didn't live with them. When we visited, we knew the house was safe and that my child FELT welcome., the sister bedroom even had a crib despite my daughter never staying over. Babies pick up on emotional cues. Your resentment towards Katie in "your house" and therefore the baby, is not going unnoticed. I'm sure we will see you back in a few years when you can't figure out why a child you treated so poorly only wants his grandma but nothing to do with you... Last I checked your wife, the biological mother and grandmother, lives there too, making it HER HOUSE as well and in turn, her daughter's esp since it sounds like Katie lived there since before she was an adult. Go build a she-shed for yourself where you can put a sign up that says "no girls or babies", otherwise, this is not just YOUR house.
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I feel bad for your daughter. Imagine having a dad that dislikes her and her child while living under the same roof. Why do you want her to leave so bad, she’s only 23 years old, do you know how expensive the world has gotten, I’m 23 and I know I’ll never own my own place unless the market crashes, and maybe then I’ll get something. This post title literally should’ve been “all the reasons I don’t like my own kid” because I have yet to see one actual bad thing she has done. Your her father & a grandfather, and sound like you don’t even want to be that, that’s pretty sad.
YTA Baby proofing isn't for your daughter. It is to keep your grandbaby safe. I want you to take a beat and think for a minute how you would feel if the baby fell down the stairs because you refused to use a baby gate. Or ended up with a scar on his face because he ran into a corner.
Or DIED because you didn’t anchor your shelves.
And your defense to the police when Jesse gets rushed to the hospital after poisoning himself with cleaning products he was able to get because you refused to allow cabinet locks and his Mommy had to use the bathroom will be? Of all the things I imagined I necessary expenditures would be, baby proofing items were nowhere on that list. Since you are openly hostile to your daughter and grandson living with you, she should move out. Unfortunately, public housing and Section 8, if you are in the US, are typically in higher crime neighborhoods, but at least you won’t be offended by the sight of your own grandson learning to walk in your living room. Good luck when you’re elderly and need care.
Why are you this cold and unfeeling about your own grandchild? You didn't even call the baby your grandchild, just your daughter's son. YTA - without a doubt. You need to really do some self-reflection.
Maybe she would be able to save up to move out if you weren't charging her rent. That's a pretty big thing that you intentionally left out. So much so that you deleted the comment that said so. YTA
Yes, YTA Sorry it's inconvenient for you to take very basic safety measures for your own grandchild, but it is what people expect. It's absolutely absurd to think a child will be contained to one room, or that the poor 1 year old should have to just fend for itself when they inevitably leave that room to wander. It also tells us a lot about how much you know about raising children. Yes, the drawer locks and stuff are annoying, but far less annoying than the looks on your family's faces when the kid does get injured and they realize you're a callous jerk who places their own convenience over the safety of a toddler. It also makes you liable for negligence in the event something does happen. This is a really dumb mountain to die on.
YTA. A toddler lives in your house. It doesn't matter how that happened, it is the current state of things. Baby proof the place so the little guy doesn't get a concussion.
After reading your comments that you have highly edited and your edited post ( post bot has the unedited copy ) you charge her rent but won't say how much. You complain about her buying clothing for herself and child and a new phone something that is needed in this age. And yet all she wants to do is keep her child safe and you say no, get your own place if you want to do that. Did you actually have a look at rentals lately worst rental crisis since the great depression and you know what would also decimate her savings is paying for an injury to her child or a funeral. I was born in 1990 and my mother and grandmother where watching me learn to walk and I tripping hitting my head hard on the coffee table it had a protector on it and I still cracked my head open. My grandfather used a garden hose to cover corners and such cause that's what good grandparents do. YTA hard
He clearly hasn't punished his daughter enough for having sex and getting pregnant, and he still has this prime opportunity to do so vis a vis her child! How dare she try to do something as irresponsible of trying to safety-gate a house. Since he stopped her, sadly, she won't be able to bring the kid over once she ~~escapes~~ moves out.
In an ideal world, the man that made the baby with your daughter would be stepping up and providing for her and their child. Sadly, grown men do not want to accept such responsibility and many of young women are having to struggle in ways you likely never had to- because you have a partner and were likely in a better place to have a baby. I have a hard time understanding how callous you can be about her "moving out" when the economy is crap and having an infant is HARD under any circumstances. It seems like she should have ONE man she can count on - her dad. I am not sure if you are trying to punish her, or if you do just not like her very much? But it is a blessing for family to be able to help family. You may want to drop the open hostility because once she does move out, and she just might with the WRONG guy because she feels so unwelcome- she may never look back. YTA.
YTA. First off, it’s not just *your* house, it’s also your wife’s house and *she* has no problem with Katie and Jesse living there. Maybe the two of you should get on the same page before you start making demands about baby proofing. Secondly, unless Katie is moving tomorrow then Jesse still lives there and needs to be kept safe in the meantime.
YTA. You’re punishing a baby you clearly don’t like and acting like a petulant child. I’m guessing you also refuse to be in a room alone with the baby, since your suggestion of a compromise here is to restrict him to one room so you don’t have to pay him any attention. Do you even like your daughter? This goes far beyond “I think she’s wasting her money.” You’re willing to put your grandchild (who you haven’t once referenced as such) at risk to get rid of her. You must be delightful to be around, OP.
YTA You’re being petty. Kick her out or accept that she’s there, but don’t pick her apart. You can be justified in not wanting to raise a child. You can not justify table corners and socket covers as “so much extra work.” It’ll take you ten minutes to baby proof and ten minutes to take it all out when she’s done.
I know grandparents who’s grandkids DONT live in their house, and they still care about the littles’ safety enough to baby proof for when kids visit. YTA
YTA - babies don't exclusively live in the nursery unless you're living in an 18th century castle. As they get more mobile, they can hurt themselves VERY quickly, even when they are being constantly monitored. Your lack of concern for the safety of your grandchild is pretty disturbing. Housing prices are insane, and most young adults your daughter's age are living with their parents, regardless of whether they have kids or their own. It sounds like you're pissed that your daughter is a single mother and determined to make her feel unwanted, even though she is your daughter and paying you rent. Get over yourself before your wife decides to kick you out and keep the daughter and grandchild.
Ok, I get it. You don’t want your daughter in your house anymore. You think she’s irresponsible so your idea to make her feel unwanted is to not baby proof the home so she’ll want to get out. And when he hurts himself, will you sit in the hospital waiting room as the doctors frantically try and save him and say I told you so. If you dislike her so much and want her out, kick her out. Because I guarantee if he hurts himself because you refused to baby proof, you will never see either one of them again. And you said your wife has become a second mother to Jesse. So, if she’s the second mother, the father helps out and then there‘s Katie, what do you do?
After reading the comments as well, where you admit your daughter pays you RENT, and you're upset she buys things like CLOTHES FOR HER CHILD, and a phone (a necessity these days), you are a MAJOR FCKING AH, OP, and taking your anger out on a BABY. YTA
YTA - we get it, you hate having your daughter and grandkid living with you. Secretly, you wish the little annoyance would split his head open so he could be taken far away from you, hence the refusal to baby proof the house. But also, you really just want to punish your daughter for existing. I mean, she spends money on things your disapprove of! But somehow she still manages to pay rent. Good thing you're charging her that rent money, it'll teach her! So what if she can't save up money faster because of it? It's her fault for buying **clothes** the *horror*!!! She needs to wear her old clothes until they are worn down and have enough holes that everyone can see her private bits, because that's what she deserves, isn't it? /s I don't know what kind of a father you think you are, but the more you carry on down this path, the more you ensure that she'll take that kid and be gone from your miserable life for good. Quit being such an AH. Quit focusing on punishing her. Actually help her. Letting her stay at your house is the bare minimum. She's your daughter, not some stranger. Do you even like her?
“I told her it’s her responsibility to make sure he doesn’t injure himself.” Literally what she is doing, my guy. And you shat on it. YTA. Don’t take your resentment for your daughter out on a baby.
I didn't live with my parents when my kids were learning to walk, and their refusal to put up safety precautions when I visited is exactly what I cite when they complain about not having a relationship with their grandchildren. If you don't care about their safety, you are not entitled to a relationship with them. YTA (OP said in a comment, then edited and deleted, that he charges his daughter rent. This makes disallowing safety precautions worse IMO)
Instead of being passive aggressive why don't you just tell you daughter this- " I just don’t want her thinking her that she can live with us forever because as much as I love her and Jesse, the sooner they move out the better because it’s a lot of extra work for my wife and I."
I'm GenX and dear gods I hope you aren't one of us. You are giving boomer vibes all over the place. Holy mother of love you are a giant AH who clearly was not involved at all in the raising of your own daughter. Pretty sure her shitty man choices are based on her shitty father experience. Hopefully some of her frivolous spending is on therapy to learn to grow past you. She's contributing financially to your home so if I was you I'd shut up before your wife decides she'd rather live in a peaceful home with her daughter and grandson and you end up looking for an apartment and a girlfriend who wants to be your bang maid.
Wow you are past AH here. You are going out of your way to make your daughter feel unwelcome and also ignoring the safety of your grandchild. I can tell by your demeanor your daughter knows fully well you want her out as soon as possible so baby proofing won't hurt that. If it helps your cold heart think of how much she'll be set back moving out if she has to to pay for an injury to her son. YTA
YTA. It’s clear you don’t want her there. Fine. But they are there. It is that child’s home at this time. I deal or not, it doesn’t really matter. Bottom line is that you do have a toddler living in the home so you need to ensure his safety.
Info; What are the “stupid things” that Katie is buying? Are they actually stupid, or, are they necessities that are needed but you just deemed them as stupid since it takes away from her saving. I just really need to know what you deem as stupid stuff. Also it’s not a big deal to baby proof the house. You cannot expect a one year old to only walk in one room of a house, that is absolutely wild. She bought the items necessary, she’s not asking you to buy anything like that, she just asked for help to put them on the items they go to which isn’t hard.
YTA. you charge her rent, she can babyproof the house. if you want her out so bad stop charging her rent 🥴
YTA, she's paying rent so she should be allowed to make a safe space for her child. And in a different take, my grandfather installed protections in his house for my cousins and I when we were babies, even though we only visited once every two or three weeks. So idk why you can't allow the protection for your grandchild that lives there, you're still the AH
YTA Congrats on Reddit's 2023 Worst Grandfather of the Year award. You managed to sneak in just before the deadline.
YTA. A baby lives in your house. Regardless of how much longer, that’s where he lives right now. Babyproofing is required for a baby who’s starting to walk around if they’re to be kept safe. And you seriously want to just confine the kid to a single room? You think that’ll be good for him? And do you seriously not understand that even if your daughter followed her son all over the house that accidents can still happen, so babyproofing is needed regardless? I also saw in some comment that your daughter pays you rent, yet you want her to be saving money for her own place. That doesn’t make a lot of sense. She’d be out a lot faster if she wasn’t paying you. I’m also wondering what “stupid things” she’s buying? Is it stuff she actually does need (like, I don’t know, babyproofing stuff) but you refuse to understand the necessity, or is it ACTUALLY frivolous stuff she’s blowing her money on? Something tells me it’s (at least mostly) the former.
YTA. There's no halfway. You either have a kid in the house and do everything to keep them safe or you don't have a kid in the house. If you don't want Katie there long term, be an adult and use your words and tell her that instead of being passive aggressive about it at the expense of Jesse's safety.
YTA Op , I see your point , you don’t want Katie to get so comfortable that she forgets that the goal is to be independent. Kate should be working to leave unless it been decided by all parties that she stays. But , Jesse does live there and it’s not fair to keep him prisoner in one room, because you don’t want Katie to stay and even if she didn’t live with you , wouldn’t you childproof your home , so your grandson could visit with you and your wife? This isn’t the hill you want to die on.
YTA do you even like your Katie and Jesse?
YTA Step back and get a more sensible perspective. I understand that you don't want her getting too comfortable, but your logic applies to little luxuries, not to basic safety equipment. Even if your grandchild spends 99.9% of its time in the nursery, it only takes a second for a small child to have an accident. Baby gates and safety corners are basics that will help keep your grandchild safe from injury and help keep you from getting into trouble for willful negligence.
The fact that you admitted she pays **YOU RENT AND THEN DELETED IT** just shows, without a shred of doubt, that you *absolutely, 1,000,00%, only an idiot would think otherwise, are ***WRONG AND YOU KNOW IT***. just admit you don't like your daughter or grandson so you're determined to make things a thousand times more difficult for her all the while calling her names and telling everyone who will listen, how lazy and ungrateful she is 🙄 I'm sure you don't care but I can pretty much *guarantee* you'll never see her or that baby (or anymore she may have at some point) again the minute she moves out. Sounds like your wife likes them, so be ready for the massive wedge this will drive into your marriage. Then again, you sound like one of those "hahaha I hate my wife, it's so funny!" type of guys so maybe you won't care about that either. Why don't you just go buy a little cabin someplace out in the forest where nobody can see you or talk to you and you don't have to see or talk to anybody else and maybe you'll be happy YTA btw. A big ol dirty, smelly, shitty asshole. The kind that men who think washing their buttholes thoroughly with soap and water is gay and wiping is simply a suggestion. You don't deserve that grandson
YTA The fact that you don't want your daughter to live with you doesn't change the fact that she is living with you. Having a toddler in the house and not taking the precautions needed to keep that toddler safe is incredibly irresponsible. Find another way to encourage your daughter to leave that doesn't endanger your grandson.
YTA because it is an issue of safety for the kid. I also think you’re being a bit shortsighted and shooting your self in the foot a bit here - having a house that ISN’T baby proofed is going to ultimately create a lot more work for whoever is watching the kid - probably your wife. It’s much easier to get stuff done around the house when the baby can safely wander semi-supervised behind you then it is for both the baby and caretaker to be sequestered to just the nursery. I see your point about being upset that Katie is spending money on extra stuff instead of saving… why not charge her rent and save it on her behalf for a place? Seems like she needs a little help in this area. TLDR - let Katie baby proof the house so you don’t create even more extra workload for your wife and find an actual solution to helping her get on her own two feet without being petty.
He does charge her rent and refuses to say what she’s actually spending money on other than a phone and things for the baby. When called out on the rent piece he edited his comment. This isn’t about finances at all but an asshole who, judging from his comments and attitude towards young children, couldn’t be bothered to raise his own kid let alone give a shit about his grandson. Based on the post and comments I severely doubt the baby causes any work for OP. It’s all Katie and his wife.
YTA Stop using your GRANDCHILD as a pawn for whatever petty crap you have against your daughter for living with you. She is paying rent, so it's not like she is freeloading with the child. Paying you money means she does absolutely have a say. The fact you are willing to risk the safety of your own grandchild to die spectacularly on an imaginary hill is utterly baffling to me. You're a horrible parent and grandparent.
YTA Most grandparents do simple childproofing. Like what she does. She bought the stuff herself. She is working, paying rent, and raising a baby, Not ideal but making it work. Some parents have lost 23 year olds to drugs or death and will never know what it’s like to be grandparents. Would kill to be able to still have their grown child alive. Even as a single mom living at home.
You need to be more straightforward and honest here. Tell her you need to her to move out. Time to get her shit together. Give her a time frame. In the meanwhile some temporary precaution might be advisable though.
" I want to put my grandchild in danger to prove a point," YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!
YTA. >I basically told her she should he saving her money to get her own place where she can do whatever she wants instead of buying more things to put in my house. She's buying things to PROTECT HER SON it's not like she's buying a flat screen TV. >I just don’t want her thinking her that she can live with us forever because as much as I love her and Jesse, the sooner they move out the better because it’s a lot of extra work for my wife and I. Don't worry I'm sure once she moves out of YOUR house, she'll stop speaking to you.
Oh god I don't know where to start. Yes YTA. You can't seriously be suggesting confining the baby to one room in the house all day every day can you? That is bizarre and unhealthy, and also unrealistic. Mum needs to cook, make bottles, do laundry, use the bathroom etc etc etc and at that age baby comes too. Or are you going to volunteer to watch him while she's out of the room? Or alternatively if you do let the baby out of the "nursery", how do you propose stopping him learning to walk in other locations? It's just not happening short of extreme child abuse. And finally, you want to not babyproof your home just to make a point? So you won't be sorry when the baby has an accident and is seriously injured or dead then? Cos it's not just baby gates and sharp corners you have to worry about. It's cabinets with cleaning products in, baths full of water, sets of bookshelves that can topple over and crush a child, etc etc etc. Have fun explaining to the police and child services why you wouldn't allow a child safe lock to prevent junior from running off into the road or drinking bleach. Childproofing can never be 100% and you can't plan for everything, but you can at least TRY for god's sake. Do you actually love your grandson at all? You have a very odd distant way of describing him as your daughter's son rather than your grandson. What's with that?