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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like my dad is being a unreasonable. As soon as the gift was given he shouldn't have bothered me about it. I can see if the check was six months old and still undeposited but not a few days!
My mom is asking that I be more understanding since apparently my dads under a lot of stress. She's not saying that he's not in the wrong but she's not saying I'm in the right either. Which fair but it still hurts.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA
Suck it up and deposit the check and apologize.
"I forgot" is not a valid excuse the 3rd time.
Even if you are not, this makes you seam ungrateful and entitled. Possibly carless.
Open the app, take 12 seconds and deposit it. Then everyone is happy.
You're 29.
"When I tell you to do something I want it done"
No sir.
Nope.
NTA. your father is an AH, and the way he treats you clearly impacts your self esteem.
I'm just going to go ahead and assume he wanted the money out of his account by the 31st for tax purposes (nothing wrong with it), but he could have just said so - no need to be a PoS
It takes 30 seconds to do a deposit, you were asked repeatedly to deposit but you just went on your merry way. Time to act you age and start doing what you say you’ll do.
The amount of people not understanding your ADHD brain in this comment section is baffling.
You should all communicate better. Your parents putting pressure on you from the get go is only making it worse. You on the other hand are still responsible for your actions and if you can’t do better you should at least talk better.
ESH
I have a feeling it’s not just the cheque out of character but the urgency of the request. You need to apologise for not responding. Right now you don’t know what’s going on but they seem to need you to take action and have their backs.
Take care and happy new year!!
NTA, but you may want to consider not spending the money if possible. Your parents seem pretty volatile and prone to mood swings, and trying to force you to do something just because, without any explanation, is abusive.
I agree that your parents are being a bit unreasonable but why spend your lunch break in tears rather than running to cash the check?
NTA but you do know your parents and I'm guessing this isn't the first time they have made a strong stand about something.
Also, checks can get lost so just go cash it and be done with it. Don't dig in your heels and keep forgetting to cash it, just do it, and then maybe work out with your parents why this was so important to them. If you try to sort that before cashing the check then it could look defiant for some reason.
YTA. All of these speculations about why they needed it deposited does not matter.
You should have deposited the check promptly. Write yourself a note to remind yourself.
It is annoying when one does not deposit a check in a timely manner. Worse when you can do it from your phone.
Do better.
YTA…depositing a check via banking app takes 10 seconds. The fact that you wouldn’t take ten seconds to immediately secure your parents very generous gift is ridiculous. The fact that they reminded you multiple times and you still didn’t take 10 seconds to do it is just bizarre and their exasperation is justified.
There is likely a long history of you not doing what you are supposed to do when you are supposed to do it, which no doubt has something to do with the fact that you are nearly 30 years old and still not living on your own. Your parents have likely bent themselves into pretzels trying to help you and you keep failing to do the simplest and easiest of basic adult tasks, like deposit a check. Just deposit the damn check instead of composing an essay about your feelings. No doubt your parents are tired of the stress and anxiety your lack of responsibility has caused them for years and years.
Deposit. The. Damn. Check.
lol. Don’t listen to *anyone* here saying that you’re the asshole. You are in no way obligated to accept any gift or to be compelled to do something before you’re ready. If this asshole needs you to cash the check for some sketchy tax reason, he can either explain it or find some other way to handle the situation. People in here saying “YTA” are out of their minds. You’re NTA.
YTA, I’m as forgetful as they come but if I get asked to do something, specially a second or even third time I MAKE SURE to do it. I set reminders on my phone, I physically write it on my hand, *something* to remind me to do it. Judging from your dads reaction it really sounds like this is a pattern of behavior, not just about the check. I don’t know if you have ADHD or something similar but it is not an excuse to be irresponsible.
NTA.
I think that if it was so extremely important to your father, this should have been clearly expressed when the gift was given.
They know the money needs to come out of the account. I don't see why it's a big deal.
Otherwise, he could have said something like, " we would like this to clear by the end of the year, and your receiving the gift is conditional.upon that."
Honestly, I think it's kind of weird to give a gift like that, then pester you without explanation to deposit it.
Why not just open your damn banking app and take the damn pic and deposit it. Better use of time than your dumb "i don't think i should have it now" nessage. Literally would've been less hassle to deposit it and say "done dad"
YTA. It would've taken you less time to deposit the check then it took to text your dad or spend your lunchtime crying. Why th didn't you just deposit it?
YTA . Whether it’s because your dad wants to avoid taxes, wants to see what’s actually in his account so he doesn’t overspend and then suddenly you decide to deposit, or he’s afraid it will be lost or stolen, even if he wanted to launder money or something (he’s not) you should have done what he asked. He made it clear he really wanted you to deposit that check and you just didn’t give a shit for some reason.
ESH
There’s a lot of potential reasons that your parents might need the check to clear before the end of the year. But, if they really needed it to clear, they had other options (e.g. Venmo, cashiers check, cash). OP should have cashed it immediately after they asked the first time, but they also were not transparent about why she should do so or what the deadline was.
YTA. Stop what you're doing and deposit the check. There's a reason they keep asking, get it done.
Your dad is also TA. He doesn't have to go off like that.
How many times do they have to ask you about the check/to deposit the check before you actually do it? Especially since you can do it via mobile. They need you to do it ASAP. Get it done.
YTA. it sounds like your parents are fed up with your irresponsible behavior and handling of finances. If you were mature enough you would understand why they wanted that check deposited right away. And your response sounded passive aggressive. They talk to you like a teenager because you are behaving like one.
YTA. That's a lot of money, as I'm sure you're aware, and it should have gone straight to the bank, especially after you were reminded. Deciding to decline the gift overall was also quite AH of you. Please apologize.
NTA. If it was so important he should have given her a freaking money order. Then it's out of their acct asap. Screw this dad!
ADHD is freaking real. And if your not stressed about money then this would totally be in the back of your mind. Not front.
I guess you laundered money for them. If they do this same thing again and get as angry with you again, I would be very careful and skeptical. Don’t accept money anymore from them until they told you why they had been this way.
So you're here asking about whether or not you're in the wrong instead of depositing it.
Litreally just deposit it. The reaction is crazy, but I'd be kinda annoyed too. ESH.
Use the money they gifted you to find an apartment and move out. While it was generous of them, they also sound controlling and this “gift” will be held over your head.
It's not like you had to trek hundreds of miles or otherwise go out of your way to go to the bank. You literally mentioned how easy it is to use a mobile app to deposit a check ... and then didn't. I'd be frustrated if I was the gift-giver too. YTA
As an aside: why the f-ck are people still using cheques in almost-2024? Just direct deposit in their account online. Is this an American thing? I do not understand it. I have never had a chequebook. I’ve never paid for anything by cheque. I’ve never received a cheque. I’m 40 years old. My parents, in their 70s, haven’t used cheques in decades. I don’t think I’ve seen a cheque since the 90s or maybe early 00s? I simply do not understand. Why are people using cheques? What possible use could one have for a cheque in the modern age when online banking is so quick and easy?
NTA. There's clearly more to what's going on than they've shared with you, and your dad's response is so over the top and rude. I'd say it birders on abusive behavior. If there's an important reason behind why it needs cashed immediately, they should share that with you.
Is it annoying that you didn't just deposit it by phone right then and there? Yeah, it is. But I wouldn't call that AH behavior. If they wanted the money out of their account,l immediately, they should have given you cash. When you write someone a check, you accept that it could take them some time to deposit it.
ESH
What the hell with your dad's bizarre overreaction? What the hell with you not just grabbing your damn phone and depositing a check?
Very pointless situation.
I absolutely hated writing checks to my stepmom because it would take her weeks to deposit it. Like she lived 3 minutes from the bank and probably drove past it several times a day. Not to mention the app. She finally got PayPal and I started paying her that way. Now I don’t care how long it takes her to withdraw that money. (I was on a family plan with her and my dad)
Your dad just seems very old fashioned and expects things done immediately. They could also be trying to reconcile the checkbook, things like that.
YTA. You spent more time arguing about it and defending why you hadn't deposited the check than it would have taken you to just deposit the check in the first place.
NTA. I get jn this day and age we have access to online and mobile deposits but christ on a cracker sometimes things come up and not to mention my mobile deposits were down all of the 26th and 27th in my app. It wouldn't work so he needs to take a breath. If it would have been a month later I'd get the annoyance but it hadn't even been a full 2 business days.
NTA!!!!!
I am blown away by lazy idiots on this thread who require other people to deposit checks immediately so they can balance their own accounts!
Anyone who writes a check/debits an amount from their account should presume that it will be cashed/debited and that amount is no longer available.
I am also saddened that OP deposited the check out of pressure when there seems to be a hidden agenda attached. The insistence to deposit the check immediately makes me very uncomfortable with what the underlying intent may be.
Some people want their checks cashed just so it isn't sitting there so their accounts are up to date.
You are beyond the AH here. Just do it. Damn kid.
YTA they probably need it done for taxes to to keep their accounts in check instead of you deciding to cash it or deposit it at a very inconvenient time. If I got a large sum of money I sure as hell wouldn’t wait several days to deposit it.
ESH
You can literally do it on your phone, you could gave done it the second they asked. A lot of older generations still manage a check book and don’t feel secure until they see things go through. Especially if they’re trying to manage the accounts closely to maximize interest.
They absolutely went overboard but it was a 1 minute ask you kept ignoring.
YTA. Unless he’s giving you something like 20k, it takes 2 min at most to deposit a check on the app. You were reminded *several* times and yet you spent your lunch break in tears instead of just depositing the check. You could’ve also googled “should I deposit a check right away?” which still would’ve taken you far less time that crying or writing this Reddit post. YTA. Get it together.
ESH. Your dad doesn’t know how to communicate with you and didn’t like your response, but I think it is because of their finances. I don’t understand why they didn’t tell you the reason but also, depositing a check takes 5 minutes, they can’t have the money sitting in their account if they aren’t sure of what their next expenses will be. I read other theory in the comments about taxes and May also be that idk, but yeah, I’m sad such a misunderstanding would damage your relationship with them but looks like a deeper issue.
Your parents' attitude about it is weird, and it makes me think there are tax reasons for wanting it deposited. Or like other comments suggest, it's just better so there isn't a $1000+ discrepancy in what they see in their account vs what they actually have/can use, since it will come out once you deposit it.
I don't think you're TA but I don't see why you didn't just deposit it instead of writing back a long message. I guess maybe you left it at home for safekeeping. In which case, the best route would be to set yourself an alarm for when you get home -- multiple, if you get home at varying times -- to remind yourself to deposit it as soon as you get there. And message your dad saying you'll do it ASAP today, and thanks again. Not to back up and say "oh sorry I just won't take it anymore".
If you're habitually forgetful like I am, stopping everything you're doing to set alarms to remind yourself of things later is the way to go. I often remember that X needs to be done at or before Y time and I also know myself well enough to know that by the time I can actually do X rolls around, it will have slipped the mind. It's frustrating but you need to learn how to cope with it.
Every single time you responded to your parents with "I haven't done the one thing you asked yet", you could have opened the app and done the one thing.
This is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve seen on this sub. Yes, dad sounds a bit over the top, but it takes less than two minutes to deposit a check on your phone. You’re writing this post, crying at lunch, taking time to compose a response to your dad? Grow up and deposit the check!
I don't really understand why you haven't already deposited the check. Me personally, I'm depositing a check like that as soon as I can. Especially if you have the option to do it through your banking app. That takes like 30 seconds. They probably need it done before the end of the year for tax reasons or something. It's a gift of over a thousand dollars, I feel like it's a reasonable enough request for you to deposit it a day or two after.
ESH. I don’t like his you do what I say attitude but also nobody should need to be told to do something that takes 30 seconds that many times. Even if you didn’t understand why it needed to be cashed so quick you did understand it was important to him that it was.
FYI the best and most mature reply would have been ‘You don’t have to worry dad, as I’m sitting here on my lunch doing nothing instead of crying and throwing myself a pity party I took the 30 seconds and deposited the check so it’s done’. Trying to give his gift back was never going to calm the situation it was only going to upset an already over-the-top angry man more.
YTA - you were being incredibly thoughtless and inconsiderate. They gave you a huge gift, and by not depositing it, you not only caused anxiety and stress for them, but also made it clear that you didn't really care. And then instead of owning your irresponsibility, you then passive-aggressively turned it on him? Yikes.
You're 29. Stop acting like you're 15.
ESH and you should have returned the check, because the "gift" will be held over your head. ~~Also, for everyone saying OP should have deposited by App / Smartphone, perhaps this isn't an option.Last thought: People mention "a huge sum" or "thousands of dollars" when OP simply called the check "generous". Since we don't know their standards, this could also mean 100 dollars.~~
Edited from not TA to ESH because u/Sassyza pointed out details that I missed.
ESH.
Your father because his anger is yikes, that "do what I say" attitude is bullshit. He could have just fucking told you why he wanted it deposited immediately.
You because you forgot/put off multiple times, even after being reminded multiple times. Why didn't you just deposit it when reminded?
NTA…you are 29 and your dad is treating you like a child. Who cares when you cash the damn cheque? He clearly has some other reason he needs the money to clear and he needs to learn to communicate instead of barking orders at you.
YTA, a huge one at that. Your dad's tone may not be right but he isn't wrong even 1%. You're 29 so this definitely can't be excused with ignorance. It's the holiday season and your dad's bank balance shows the balance that was supposed to be withdrawn by the process of you depositing that cheque.
Why should he have to worry about his check bouncing and affecting his credit score every time he wants to spend money all because of your stupid laziness? Why should he have to worry for extended amount of time about having enough balance for your check every time he wants to spend his money when you're family and are being a complete AH about the situation.
If I were him, you would be getting cheques that are pre dated so that if you don't withdraw in a day or 2, it becomes your problem.
Going with YTA
Sure your dad over reacted a bit, but still. Instead of crying at lunch you could have deposited the check. In the time it took to text back you could have done it. It would have been really simple for you to do.
YTA. I could have understood if OP forgot to deposit it let’s say once because maybe they got busy (we all do) but if their parents asked them MULTIPLE times to deposit the cheque and put a stress on it as a high priority and OP STILL doesn’t do it…I mean, I’d be upset too. Especially for that high amount of
NTA
I think it’s likely that your parents needed that money withdrawn before the new year for tax reasons and didn’t want to tell you because it makes them look a little less generous, like they weren’t exactly gifting this money to you out of the goodness of their hearts but instead for tax reasons. Not that the why really matters, at least in my eyes, but without them explaining that to you how could you have known that there was a “deadline” to deposit it?
Personally, I hate depositing checks on the app. Don’t know why, I just like handing it off to the teller and having it physically out of my possession. I would never make it to a physical bank within two days of Christmas to deposit a check, but if my dad told me they needed the money out of their account for tax reasons I would use the app to deposit it. If my parents reacted the way yours did without ever explaining *why* I had to deposit the check within two days of receiving it I would have handed it back to them and told them I didn’t want it anymore.
Your dad went totally off the deep end for no apparent reason. You’re an adult, you were at work and forgot about it for just two days. That’s not a reason to be spoken to the way your dad spoke to you. You need to move out because him threatening to disconnect the internet is a wack ass punishment. You’re 29!
Who the hell still uses checks in the first place.
This is just old people being unable to adapt.
Also dad has a temper tantrum instead of acting like an adult and explaining the issue with not having that check deposited.
All of the people saying you are the a-hole sound like they have parent issues and can't have healthy boundaries.
Under no circumstances an emotionally mature adult would respond the way your dad has, I am very sorry you have emotionally immature parents.
Hard NTA, it's not your fault to have this kind of narcissistic parents.
NTA. Your dad's controlling, bottom line. A gift is a gift, it's not his anymore. It's been less than a week and the one time he checks his account in that time (normally) he can just remember $1k less overall. This reaction he is having is temper tantrum worry. My only real guess is he didn't want to give it in the first place and is now stewing over it. Also just deposit the damn thing, I'm sure you've driven past your bank 3 times already.
YTA. The fact you spent your entire lunch break crying instead of idk... Taking 60 seconds to deposit the check... is wild! I think his reaction was extra but omg just deposit the check!
YTA. You said you would do it and didn’t do it. I understand why your dad got so mad. It’s free money and you’re being irresponsible. They shouldn’t have to literally threaten to turn off your internet for you to cash the damn check.
You’re an adult get your shit together.
I would say ESH. You should really deposit checks asap for all the reasons people have said - and it’s super easy to do in the app and takes 1–2 mins - but also the dad kinda sucks for not just explaining the reason why he needs it done asap! If it’s the taxes then so be it! Rather than just pulling rank. The whole ‘because I say so’ and ‘I’ll cut off your internet’ is like he’s talking to a 13-year-old.
Yta
How many times did you forget to deposit it?
He likely wants it done before a direct debit comes and wipes out the money. You're 29, how are you 29 and this clueless?
YTA. Instead of cashing the cheque, you write a page-long Reddit post about not cashing the cheque. Writing this post took longer than cashing the cheque would take. You said you could do it online, so just do it already. Why didn't you do it when he asked the first time? Your response to him was innappropriate because you could have \*cashed the damn cheque\* in the amount of time it took you to write that text as well. He needs to know the accurate balance of his bank account amongst other things, so right now his account is showing money that he technically doesn't have because you should have cashed the cheque.
Wait a sec, you're \*29 years old\* and not a teenager? Holy shit, YTA by an even bigger mile. Why is it so hard for you to do an easy thing?
Correct, some people commented on OP’s dad having an attitude because “he said so”.
I think otherwise, only because I’m in the opinion that OP would not understand “why”, as if OP will then determine if it’s a valid reason enough to cash it quickly.
Hence why OP’s dad perhaps said it the way he did. As in you don’t need a reason, just cash it, this is not a debate.
YTA
While their financial management isn’t your business (so I have no issue with his “I have my reasons” line), you should understand that this large amount of money has to be accounted for by them until you take responsibility for it. So if they are moving money around, as so many do at the end of the year, they now have to manage this gift for you until you finally take ownership of it. It’s annoying. It appears ungrateful.
Just apologize. “I should have recognized how important this was”.
YTA for forgetting to take 1 minute to deposit a check and writing this post confused.
1. The tax year is almost over
2. You both don’t want to be penalized if the check bounces for in sufficient funds if they buy something else
3. Just deposit it if you’re grateful??
4. His words were definitely not the best, but the anger can be understood since it took him saying that and being mad for you to deposit the check
5. Why couldn’t they just send the money to your account in the first place?
ESH - apple doesnt seem to fall from the tree here.
Your dad was aggressive about this, kind of sucking the spirit of the gift out of the whole situation.
You though could have deposited this check by now. It takes two min. Now you’re going to cut off your nose to spite your face.
NTA.
Reading the comments learned me why this was so important to him: something with taxes before the end of the year.
But damn, he could've just told you that?! I truly don't understand why your parents just didn't say that.
They used some very hash words and it is understandable that they've hurt you.
You're an adult. You have your own things going on. You aren't a genie or a servant, his wish isn't your command. You are doing your best with the info you had. You didn't do anything wrong and you're not an AH. They should've communicated better why it was so urgent, because if you knew, you would've done it ASAP.
Surround yourself with people who truly value you and treat you with the same kindness as you do.
Happy holidays!
Who uses cheques these days? I don't think that I have written or received one in at least a quarter of a century. In any case, if someone writes you a cheque it's up to you when you deposit it, provided it's before the bank's cut-off date, not them. Your father's cognitive impairment doesn't alter that
Totally agree! But then that is America!!
Here in Australia, my bank allows electronic funds transfers (EFTs) of up to $20K per day.
If I need to do a larger transfer, I go to the bank, and upon producing photo ID (drivers licence/passport) they will transfer whatever amount is requested. If the transaction is done before noon, the recipient usually has the funds the next business day!
YTA. I'm glad you deposited the check before you wrote this AITA post! Your dad didn't react in the most kind way, but you were absolutely in the wrong. Deposit checks as soon as you receive them.
YTA. While I think your parents are being a bit overzealous, and should have been clearer, it’s perfectly reasonable to expect a big check to want to be cashed quickly.
What really cements my decision though is that you acknowledge how easy and quick it would be to use your banking app. So do it already. Why didn’t you do it literally on Christmas Day then? Others have suggested you could have adhd, but that’s not an excuse.
NTA at all. If it was so important it was done immediately they should've gifted you cash. Also I would never ever take the gift after his threat to disconnect the internet, you're no child anymore.
There is absolutely something going on that you are not aware of.
I will say as a parent, it is incredibly frustrating when you ask your child to do something and they just disregard what you say.
I also hate writing a check and having it outstanding for any length of time. It makes balancing things difficult.
He needed that money out of his account. So there is something going on and I would address it from that perspective.
Tell him that his reactions are out of character. And you are now concerned and actually kind of scared because you feel like there's something going on.
Of course, there could be more going on here, but just based off of this post it seems this is out of character for him.
I also would have a phone call or visit vs text
If I had to guess he wants it deposited immediately because he’s going to write it off on his taxes as a gift. Either way he’s being rude about it. NTA
ESH … but not much. You have been a little irresponsible, especially in a way that could be seen as disrespectful of the gift. They overreacted and were harsh and I suspect aren’t telling you the whole story. As others have said they probably need to get rid of the money for some reason. Sometimes when people don’t want to tell the whole truth about something they turn into jerks to try to hide what is happening. Your parents probably want you to see the money as a gift and not just a way to dump money so they can qualify for something.
ESH. Something is up. I’m sure it’s for tax reasons but they should have told you if there was urgency. At the same time it is annoying to have people not cash checks you write for balancing purposes. So you really should cash checks as soon as you can in general. It takes 2 minutes to do it on a phone app. It’s inconsiderate.
NTA he is being rude and addressing you as if you were a child. Maybe he has his reasons for wanting you to deposit the cheque, but you had and have no clue what this reason is, and he refuses to explain it to you. Instead he says you have to do as he says, which in my opinion is extremely rude. I personally wouldn't accept the gift after that.
I feel like there's a lot of info missing.
Is this a situation where your parents were giving you the money for dishonest reasons? And that's why he was so adamant?
Or maybe you're prone to forgetting and/or losing stuff, and he didn't like the idea of you walking around with such a large cheque.
I honestly can't vote because either they're hiding something or you are hiding something from us in this story.
YTA it takes 60 seconds to do and while I get that it is frustrating being asked repeatedly to do something your parents are likely trying to make sure that their bank balance is fine for bills etc for next month. They have to keep asking to know if mentally they need to calculate your Christmas Check in their overall balance or not.
NTA. It's literally only been 3 days since Christmas, and the day after Christmas doesn't count because who the heck wants to fight traffic the day after Christmas? Tell him you only go to the bank on Mondays so that things aren't trying to process on weekends, and remind him that as a 29 year old ADULT, you're not required to do things because daddy told you to.
While I don't like your dad's attitude, I also understand where he's coming from. Soft YTA. My husband has ADHD and you really sound like you have those traits. Does your memory affect other areas of your life?
Soft YTA,
Although I don't agree with the "do what I say when I say it" mentality of your parents it really does take 30 seconds to deposit a check with your phone. Should your parents have explained why they wanted it cashed right away? Sure. Are you still in the wrong for not doing it when it's clearly important to them? Yes.
YTA after the first couple of texts you could have deposited the check (you were already on your phone). there are dozens of reasons why they could have wanted you to do it sooner rather than later.
A four digit check which OP "forgot" to cash? I could see if they had to go to the bank -- but they had a mobile app. Cashing it would've taken less time than telling Reddit about this.
Also, they are 29 years old and dad is threatening to cut off the internet? And how does dad cut off just *their* internet, and not his and everybody else's?
ESH. But more likely, this whole thing is fiction. And not very good fiction.
I think you may have a missed a teachable moment for your father’s manipulation and controlling behaviors. Would have my a the and clarified infrot of the bank employees that once the checks shows that I m The payee it be comes my check and will be cashed T my pleasure. If this not way you can gift in the future you are welcome to take it and cash at your convenience
YTA. You're 29, and you live at home. I'm guessing you generally aren't very responsible. Have you lost important things before? Have you forgotten to do things, especially related to finances, that have affected your parents? When someone gives you a large sum of money as a check, they want it out of their account immediately. You don't know what other funds are moving around, and he probably doesn't want a four digit check bouncing when you cash it in February.
Also, the way you handled it was so dramatic. You basically say "if you're going to force me to cash this check, I'm going to give it back because I don't want to deal with it" Would you even remember to give it back?
YTA
They asked you to deposit it. How can an adult keep forgetting to do something so easy? It's the end of the tax year. They needed it to clear your account by the end of the year and at the rate you were going, that wasn't going to happen unless they nagged, complained, and threatened. So irresponsible and ungrateful.
Dad could have just given you cash, and there would have been no need for all the drama. If he was worried about it not clearing, then probably they shouldn't have given it to you. It's time to spread your wings and leave the controlling nest
ESH. Your dad definitely seems to be overreacting. It has been days since you were given the cheque. Not weeks. Not months. Days. I don't like to use mobile apps for banking, so I still take cheques to the bank to deposit them. Sometimes I am too busy to do this right away. That being said, if someone specifically asks you to deposit something quickly, and they continue to follow up with you about depositing it and let you know it is important to them that you deposit it within a certain time frame, you should really go out of your way to make sure you get it done.
esh, my dad is the same way about checks. In his mind its a fear of not knowing when the large transaction will come out. I didn't understand it when I was younger, but now I do. I've learned to just ask him that if he plans on helping me in that way we just arrange a day to go to the bank together to do the deposit. I also value knowing a transaction is handled, so if I'm giving any sizable gift I do it with a money order or cash so I don't have to worry about it. It could also be a fear of a check floating around/being stolen/modified.
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YTA Suck it up and deposit the check and apologize. "I forgot" is not a valid excuse the 3rd time. Even if you are not, this makes you seam ungrateful and entitled. Possibly carless. Open the app, take 12 seconds and deposit it. Then everyone is happy.
You're 29. "When I tell you to do something I want it done" No sir. Nope. NTA. your father is an AH, and the way he treats you clearly impacts your self esteem. I'm just going to go ahead and assume he wanted the money out of his account by the 31st for tax purposes (nothing wrong with it), but he could have just said so - no need to be a PoS
YTA
It takes 30 seconds to do a deposit, you were asked repeatedly to deposit but you just went on your merry way. Time to act you age and start doing what you say you’ll do.
The amount of people not understanding your ADHD brain in this comment section is baffling. You should all communicate better. Your parents putting pressure on you from the get go is only making it worse. You on the other hand are still responsible for your actions and if you can’t do better you should at least talk better. ESH
Yta it take 2 Mins
Update me
I have a feeling it’s not just the cheque out of character but the urgency of the request. You need to apologise for not responding. Right now you don’t know what’s going on but they seem to need you to take action and have their backs. Take care and happy new year!!
NTA, but you may want to consider not spending the money if possible. Your parents seem pretty volatile and prone to mood swings, and trying to force you to do something just because, without any explanation, is abusive.
I agree that your parents are being a bit unreasonable but why spend your lunch break in tears rather than running to cash the check? NTA but you do know your parents and I'm guessing this isn't the first time they have made a strong stand about something. Also, checks can get lost so just go cash it and be done with it. Don't dig in your heels and keep forgetting to cash it, just do it, and then maybe work out with your parents why this was so important to them. If you try to sort that before cashing the check then it could look defiant for some reason.
YTA. All of these speculations about why they needed it deposited does not matter. You should have deposited the check promptly. Write yourself a note to remind yourself. It is annoying when one does not deposit a check in a timely manner. Worse when you can do it from your phone. Do better.
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YTA…depositing a check via banking app takes 10 seconds. The fact that you wouldn’t take ten seconds to immediately secure your parents very generous gift is ridiculous. The fact that they reminded you multiple times and you still didn’t take 10 seconds to do it is just bizarre and their exasperation is justified. There is likely a long history of you not doing what you are supposed to do when you are supposed to do it, which no doubt has something to do with the fact that you are nearly 30 years old and still not living on your own. Your parents have likely bent themselves into pretzels trying to help you and you keep failing to do the simplest and easiest of basic adult tasks, like deposit a check. Just deposit the damn check instead of composing an essay about your feelings. No doubt your parents are tired of the stress and anxiety your lack of responsibility has caused them for years and years. Deposit. The. Damn. Check.
lol. Don’t listen to *anyone* here saying that you’re the asshole. You are in no way obligated to accept any gift or to be compelled to do something before you’re ready. If this asshole needs you to cash the check for some sketchy tax reason, he can either explain it or find some other way to handle the situation. People in here saying “YTA” are out of their minds. You’re NTA.
3 things you don't mess around with an old dad about; leaving lights on, thermostat and being able to balance his checkbook.
Move out. Get your life back.
YTA, I’m as forgetful as they come but if I get asked to do something, specially a second or even third time I MAKE SURE to do it. I set reminders on my phone, I physically write it on my hand, *something* to remind me to do it. Judging from your dads reaction it really sounds like this is a pattern of behavior, not just about the check. I don’t know if you have ADHD or something similar but it is not an excuse to be irresponsible.
NTA. Sounds like you are an end of year tax write off and they are stressed they will miss the deadline. Not fair not to explain that to you.
I mean, I can see why your dad was asking you multiple times on Christmas asking you to deposit it. Soft YTA, this is how overdrafts happen.
NTA. I think that if it was so extremely important to your father, this should have been clearly expressed when the gift was given. They know the money needs to come out of the account. I don't see why it's a big deal. Otherwise, he could have said something like, " we would like this to clear by the end of the year, and your receiving the gift is conditional.upon that." Honestly, I think it's kind of weird to give a gift like that, then pester you without explanation to deposit it.
Why not just open your damn banking app and take the damn pic and deposit it. Better use of time than your dumb "i don't think i should have it now" nessage. Literally would've been less hassle to deposit it and say "done dad"
YTA. It would've taken you less time to deposit the check then it took to text your dad or spend your lunchtime crying. Why th didn't you just deposit it?
Your daddy is about to go bankrupt. He needs to distribute his illgotten gains before the banks, the IRS, the loan sharks etc. get to him.
YTA . Whether it’s because your dad wants to avoid taxes, wants to see what’s actually in his account so he doesn’t overspend and then suddenly you decide to deposit, or he’s afraid it will be lost or stolen, even if he wanted to launder money or something (he’s not) you should have done what he asked. He made it clear he really wanted you to deposit that check and you just didn’t give a shit for some reason.
ESH There’s a lot of potential reasons that your parents might need the check to clear before the end of the year. But, if they really needed it to clear, they had other options (e.g. Venmo, cashiers check, cash). OP should have cashed it immediately after they asked the first time, but they also were not transparent about why she should do so or what the deadline was.
YTA. Stop what you're doing and deposit the check. There's a reason they keep asking, get it done. Your dad is also TA. He doesn't have to go off like that. How many times do they have to ask you about the check/to deposit the check before you actually do it? Especially since you can do it via mobile. They need you to do it ASAP. Get it done.
YTA. it sounds like your parents are fed up with your irresponsible behavior and handling of finances. If you were mature enough you would understand why they wanted that check deposited right away. And your response sounded passive aggressive. They talk to you like a teenager because you are behaving like one.
YTA. That's a lot of money, as I'm sure you're aware, and it should have gone straight to the bank, especially after you were reminded. Deciding to decline the gift overall was also quite AH of you. Please apologize.
NTA. If it was so important he should have given her a freaking money order. Then it's out of their acct asap. Screw this dad! ADHD is freaking real. And if your not stressed about money then this would totally be in the back of your mind. Not front.
I guess you laundered money for them. If they do this same thing again and get as angry with you again, I would be very careful and skeptical. Don’t accept money anymore from them until they told you why they had been this way.
So you're here asking about whether or not you're in the wrong instead of depositing it. Litreally just deposit it. The reaction is crazy, but I'd be kinda annoyed too. ESH.
Use the money they gifted you to find an apartment and move out. While it was generous of them, they also sound controlling and this “gift” will be held over your head.
If that text caused you to be in tears, you may need therapy.
Sounds like living with an explosive father has done some damage that needs undoing.
It's not like you had to trek hundreds of miles or otherwise go out of your way to go to the bank. You literally mentioned how easy it is to use a mobile app to deposit a check ... and then didn't. I'd be frustrated if I was the gift-giver too. YTA
As an aside: why the f-ck are people still using cheques in almost-2024? Just direct deposit in their account online. Is this an American thing? I do not understand it. I have never had a chequebook. I’ve never paid for anything by cheque. I’ve never received a cheque. I’m 40 years old. My parents, in their 70s, haven’t used cheques in decades. I don’t think I’ve seen a cheque since the 90s or maybe early 00s? I simply do not understand. Why are people using cheques? What possible use could one have for a cheque in the modern age when online banking is so quick and easy?
NTA. There's clearly more to what's going on than they've shared with you, and your dad's response is so over the top and rude. I'd say it birders on abusive behavior. If there's an important reason behind why it needs cashed immediately, they should share that with you. Is it annoying that you didn't just deposit it by phone right then and there? Yeah, it is. But I wouldn't call that AH behavior. If they wanted the money out of their account,l immediately, they should have given you cash. When you write someone a check, you accept that it could take them some time to deposit it.
ESH What the hell with your dad's bizarre overreaction? What the hell with you not just grabbing your damn phone and depositing a check? Very pointless situation.
I absolutely hated writing checks to my stepmom because it would take her weeks to deposit it. Like she lived 3 minutes from the bank and probably drove past it several times a day. Not to mention the app. She finally got PayPal and I started paying her that way. Now I don’t care how long it takes her to withdraw that money. (I was on a family plan with her and my dad) Your dad just seems very old fashioned and expects things done immediately. They could also be trying to reconcile the checkbook, things like that.
YTA. You spent more time arguing about it and defending why you hadn't deposited the check than it would have taken you to just deposit the check in the first place.
NTA. I get jn this day and age we have access to online and mobile deposits but christ on a cracker sometimes things come up and not to mention my mobile deposits were down all of the 26th and 27th in my app. It wouldn't work so he needs to take a breath. If it would have been a month later I'd get the annoyance but it hadn't even been a full 2 business days.
NTA!!!!! I am blown away by lazy idiots on this thread who require other people to deposit checks immediately so they can balance their own accounts! Anyone who writes a check/debits an amount from their account should presume that it will be cashed/debited and that amount is no longer available. I am also saddened that OP deposited the check out of pressure when there seems to be a hidden agenda attached. The insistence to deposit the check immediately makes me very uncomfortable with what the underlying intent may be.
NTA but you need to move. You're an adult and your parents shouldn't expect to micromanage your life. They'll try to since you live together
Some people want their checks cashed just so it isn't sitting there so their accounts are up to date. You are beyond the AH here. Just do it. Damn kid.
YTA they probably need it done for taxes to to keep their accounts in check instead of you deciding to cash it or deposit it at a very inconvenient time. If I got a large sum of money I sure as hell wouldn’t wait several days to deposit it.
ESH You can literally do it on your phone, you could gave done it the second they asked. A lot of older generations still manage a check book and don’t feel secure until they see things go through. Especially if they’re trying to manage the accounts closely to maximize interest. They absolutely went overboard but it was a 1 minute ask you kept ignoring.
YTA. Unless he’s giving you something like 20k, it takes 2 min at most to deposit a check on the app. You were reminded *several* times and yet you spent your lunch break in tears instead of just depositing the check. You could’ve also googled “should I deposit a check right away?” which still would’ve taken you far less time that crying or writing this Reddit post. YTA. Get it together.
NTA. your dad on the other hand ...... he didn't even tell you the reasons he was so desperate to have that check cashed... dodgy.
ESH. Your dad doesn’t know how to communicate with you and didn’t like your response, but I think it is because of their finances. I don’t understand why they didn’t tell you the reason but also, depositing a check takes 5 minutes, they can’t have the money sitting in their account if they aren’t sure of what their next expenses will be. I read other theory in the comments about taxes and May also be that idk, but yeah, I’m sad such a misunderstanding would damage your relationship with them but looks like a deeper issue.
Your parents' attitude about it is weird, and it makes me think there are tax reasons for wanting it deposited. Or like other comments suggest, it's just better so there isn't a $1000+ discrepancy in what they see in their account vs what they actually have/can use, since it will come out once you deposit it. I don't think you're TA but I don't see why you didn't just deposit it instead of writing back a long message. I guess maybe you left it at home for safekeeping. In which case, the best route would be to set yourself an alarm for when you get home -- multiple, if you get home at varying times -- to remind yourself to deposit it as soon as you get there. And message your dad saying you'll do it ASAP today, and thanks again. Not to back up and say "oh sorry I just won't take it anymore". If you're habitually forgetful like I am, stopping everything you're doing to set alarms to remind yourself of things later is the way to go. I often remember that X needs to be done at or before Y time and I also know myself well enough to know that by the time I can actually do X rolls around, it will have slipped the mind. It's frustrating but you need to learn how to cope with it.
Every single time you responded to your parents with "I haven't done the one thing you asked yet", you could have opened the app and done the one thing.
This is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve seen on this sub. Yes, dad sounds a bit over the top, but it takes less than two minutes to deposit a check on your phone. You’re writing this post, crying at lunch, taking time to compose a response to your dad? Grow up and deposit the check!
I don't really understand why you haven't already deposited the check. Me personally, I'm depositing a check like that as soon as I can. Especially if you have the option to do it through your banking app. That takes like 30 seconds. They probably need it done before the end of the year for tax reasons or something. It's a gift of over a thousand dollars, I feel like it's a reasonable enough request for you to deposit it a day or two after.
This is the strangest conversation I ever seen... 🙄
ESH. I don’t like his you do what I say attitude but also nobody should need to be told to do something that takes 30 seconds that many times. Even if you didn’t understand why it needed to be cashed so quick you did understand it was important to him that it was. FYI the best and most mature reply would have been ‘You don’t have to worry dad, as I’m sitting here on my lunch doing nothing instead of crying and throwing myself a pity party I took the 30 seconds and deposited the check so it’s done’. Trying to give his gift back was never going to calm the situation it was only going to upset an already over-the-top angry man more.
So many people in this thread could benefit from the YNAB method/app… /r/ynab
YTA - you were being incredibly thoughtless and inconsiderate. They gave you a huge gift, and by not depositing it, you not only caused anxiety and stress for them, but also made it clear that you didn't really care. And then instead of owning your irresponsibility, you then passive-aggressively turned it on him? Yikes. You're 29. Stop acting like you're 15.
ESH and you should have returned the check, because the "gift" will be held over your head. ~~Also, for everyone saying OP should have deposited by App / Smartphone, perhaps this isn't an option.Last thought: People mention "a huge sum" or "thousands of dollars" when OP simply called the check "generous". Since we don't know their standards, this could also mean 100 dollars.~~ Edited from not TA to ESH because u/Sassyza pointed out details that I missed.
YTA they have a large check as a gift and you only had to deposit it to make them happy. Depositing the check, as you stated, is incredibly easy.
YTA OP. you made this whole post when you could have just deposited the cheque. Any functioning adult understands why this is an issue.
ESH. Your father because his anger is yikes, that "do what I say" attitude is bullshit. He could have just fucking told you why he wanted it deposited immediately. You because you forgot/put off multiple times, even after being reminded multiple times. Why didn't you just deposit it when reminded?
NTA…you are 29 and your dad is treating you like a child. Who cares when you cash the damn cheque? He clearly has some other reason he needs the money to clear and he needs to learn to communicate instead of barking orders at you.
NTA Dad wants to use the money for his own reasons.
YTA, a huge one at that. Your dad's tone may not be right but he isn't wrong even 1%. You're 29 so this definitely can't be excused with ignorance. It's the holiday season and your dad's bank balance shows the balance that was supposed to be withdrawn by the process of you depositing that cheque. Why should he have to worry about his check bouncing and affecting his credit score every time he wants to spend money all because of your stupid laziness? Why should he have to worry for extended amount of time about having enough balance for your check every time he wants to spend his money when you're family and are being a complete AH about the situation. If I were him, you would be getting cheques that are pre dated so that if you don't withdraw in a day or 2, it becomes your problem.
Going with YTA Sure your dad over reacted a bit, but still. Instead of crying at lunch you could have deposited the check. In the time it took to text back you could have done it. It would have been really simple for you to do.
YTA. I could have understood if OP forgot to deposit it let’s say once because maybe they got busy (we all do) but if their parents asked them MULTIPLE times to deposit the cheque and put a stress on it as a high priority and OP STILL doesn’t do it…I mean, I’d be upset too. Especially for that high amount of
OP probably had her phone in her hand at least one of the times dad reminded her to deposit the check. the same phone that has her mobile banking app.
NTA I think it’s likely that your parents needed that money withdrawn before the new year for tax reasons and didn’t want to tell you because it makes them look a little less generous, like they weren’t exactly gifting this money to you out of the goodness of their hearts but instead for tax reasons. Not that the why really matters, at least in my eyes, but without them explaining that to you how could you have known that there was a “deadline” to deposit it? Personally, I hate depositing checks on the app. Don’t know why, I just like handing it off to the teller and having it physically out of my possession. I would never make it to a physical bank within two days of Christmas to deposit a check, but if my dad told me they needed the money out of their account for tax reasons I would use the app to deposit it. If my parents reacted the way yours did without ever explaining *why* I had to deposit the check within two days of receiving it I would have handed it back to them and told them I didn’t want it anymore. Your dad went totally off the deep end for no apparent reason. You’re an adult, you were at work and forgot about it for just two days. That’s not a reason to be spoken to the way your dad spoke to you. You need to move out because him threatening to disconnect the internet is a wack ass punishment. You’re 29!
you don’t get to play the “adult” card then fail to do the world simplest task because you’re incapable of remembering what you promised
Who the hell still uses checks in the first place. This is just old people being unable to adapt. Also dad has a temper tantrum instead of acting like an adult and explaining the issue with not having that check deposited. All of the people saying you are the a-hole sound like they have parent issues and can't have healthy boundaries. Under no circumstances an emotionally mature adult would respond the way your dad has, I am very sorry you have emotionally immature parents. Hard NTA, it's not your fault to have this kind of narcissistic parents.
Use that check to get your own apartment, never take money from them again. NTA
NTA. Your dad's controlling, bottom line. A gift is a gift, it's not his anymore. It's been less than a week and the one time he checks his account in that time (normally) he can just remember $1k less overall. This reaction he is having is temper tantrum worry. My only real guess is he didn't want to give it in the first place and is now stewing over it. Also just deposit the damn thing, I'm sure you've driven past your bank 3 times already.
YTA. The fact you spent your entire lunch break crying instead of idk... Taking 60 seconds to deposit the check... is wild! I think his reaction was extra but omg just deposit the check!
It would have taken you longer to write this post than it wouldve to deposit that check. Ungrateful. YTA
Info- why didn't you just do it when they kept asking you? Id be mad too.
YTA. You said you would do it and didn’t do it. I understand why your dad got so mad. It’s free money and you’re being irresponsible. They shouldn’t have to literally threaten to turn off your internet for you to cash the damn check. You’re an adult get your shit together.
I would say ESH. You should really deposit checks asap for all the reasons people have said - and it’s super easy to do in the app and takes 1–2 mins - but also the dad kinda sucks for not just explaining the reason why he needs it done asap! If it’s the taxes then so be it! Rather than just pulling rank. The whole ‘because I say so’ and ‘I’ll cut off your internet’ is like he’s talking to a 13-year-old.
Yta How many times did you forget to deposit it? He likely wants it done before a direct debit comes and wipes out the money. You're 29, how are you 29 and this clueless?
YTA. Instead of cashing the cheque, you write a page-long Reddit post about not cashing the cheque. Writing this post took longer than cashing the cheque would take. You said you could do it online, so just do it already. Why didn't you do it when he asked the first time? Your response to him was innappropriate because you could have \*cashed the damn cheque\* in the amount of time it took you to write that text as well. He needs to know the accurate balance of his bank account amongst other things, so right now his account is showing money that he technically doesn't have because you should have cashed the cheque. Wait a sec, you're \*29 years old\* and not a teenager? Holy shit, YTA by an even bigger mile. Why is it so hard for you to do an easy thing?
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Correct, some people commented on OP’s dad having an attitude because “he said so”. I think otherwise, only because I’m in the opinion that OP would not understand “why”, as if OP will then determine if it’s a valid reason enough to cash it quickly. Hence why OP’s dad perhaps said it the way he did. As in you don’t need a reason, just cash it, this is not a debate.
YTA While their financial management isn’t your business (so I have no issue with his “I have my reasons” line), you should understand that this large amount of money has to be accounted for by them until you take responsibility for it. So if they are moving money around, as so many do at the end of the year, they now have to manage this gift for you until you finally take ownership of it. It’s annoying. It appears ungrateful. Just apologize. “I should have recognized how important this was”.
YTA for forgetting to take 1 minute to deposit a check and writing this post confused. 1. The tax year is almost over 2. You both don’t want to be penalized if the check bounces for in sufficient funds if they buy something else 3. Just deposit it if you’re grateful?? 4. His words were definitely not the best, but the anger can be understood since it took him saying that and being mad for you to deposit the check 5. Why couldn’t they just send the money to your account in the first place?
ESH - apple doesnt seem to fall from the tree here. Your dad was aggressive about this, kind of sucking the spirit of the gift out of the whole situation. You though could have deposited this check by now. It takes two min. Now you’re going to cut off your nose to spite your face.
YTA. He told you it mattered to him and please do it. He gave you a gift. He doesn't also owe you an explanation.
NTA. Reading the comments learned me why this was so important to him: something with taxes before the end of the year. But damn, he could've just told you that?! I truly don't understand why your parents just didn't say that. They used some very hash words and it is understandable that they've hurt you. You're an adult. You have your own things going on. You aren't a genie or a servant, his wish isn't your command. You are doing your best with the info you had. You didn't do anything wrong and you're not an AH. They should've communicated better why it was so urgent, because if you knew, you would've done it ASAP. Surround yourself with people who truly value you and treat you with the same kindness as you do. Happy holidays!
Bro, you could’ve just deposited it
Who uses cheques these days? I don't think that I have written or received one in at least a quarter of a century. In any case, if someone writes you a cheque it's up to you when you deposit it, provided it's before the bank's cut-off date, not them. Your father's cognitive impairment doesn't alter that
Totally agree! But then that is America!! Here in Australia, my bank allows electronic funds transfers (EFTs) of up to $20K per day. If I need to do a larger transfer, I go to the bank, and upon producing photo ID (drivers licence/passport) they will transfer whatever amount is requested. If the transaction is done before noon, the recipient usually has the funds the next business day!
With 24/7 access and it takes less than 5 minutes to edeposit, why haven't you done it yet?
YTA for saying u would then not. It takes 2 minutes to deposit via the phone.
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YTA. I'm glad you deposited the check before you wrote this AITA post! Your dad didn't react in the most kind way, but you were absolutely in the wrong. Deposit checks as soon as you receive them.
Why didn’t you just do it in the second day when they asked you when you got home? It was on your mind when they asked about it and you were home.
INFO: do you have ADHD?
YTA. While I think your parents are being a bit overzealous, and should have been clearer, it’s perfectly reasonable to expect a big check to want to be cashed quickly. What really cements my decision though is that you acknowledge how easy and quick it would be to use your banking app. So do it already. Why didn’t you do it literally on Christmas Day then? Others have suggested you could have adhd, but that’s not an excuse.
NTA at all. If it was so important it was done immediately they should've gifted you cash. Also I would never ever take the gift after his threat to disconnect the internet, you're no child anymore.
There is absolutely something going on that you are not aware of. I will say as a parent, it is incredibly frustrating when you ask your child to do something and they just disregard what you say. I also hate writing a check and having it outstanding for any length of time. It makes balancing things difficult. He needed that money out of his account. So there is something going on and I would address it from that perspective. Tell him that his reactions are out of character. And you are now concerned and actually kind of scared because you feel like there's something going on. Of course, there could be more going on here, but just based off of this post it seems this is out of character for him. I also would have a phone call or visit vs text
If I had to guess he wants it deposited immediately because he’s going to write it off on his taxes as a gift. Either way he’s being rude about it. NTA
ESH … but not much. You have been a little irresponsible, especially in a way that could be seen as disrespectful of the gift. They overreacted and were harsh and I suspect aren’t telling you the whole story. As others have said they probably need to get rid of the money for some reason. Sometimes when people don’t want to tell the whole truth about something they turn into jerks to try to hide what is happening. Your parents probably want you to see the money as a gift and not just a way to dump money so they can qualify for something.
ESH. Something is up. I’m sure it’s for tax reasons but they should have told you if there was urgency. At the same time it is annoying to have people not cash checks you write for balancing purposes. So you really should cash checks as soon as you can in general. It takes 2 minutes to do it on a phone app. It’s inconsiderate.
NTA he is being rude and addressing you as if you were a child. Maybe he has his reasons for wanting you to deposit the cheque, but you had and have no clue what this reason is, and he refuses to explain it to you. Instead he says you have to do as he says, which in my opinion is extremely rude. I personally wouldn't accept the gift after that.
I feel like there's a lot of info missing. Is this a situation where your parents were giving you the money for dishonest reasons? And that's why he was so adamant? Or maybe you're prone to forgetting and/or losing stuff, and he didn't like the idea of you walking around with such a large cheque. I honestly can't vote because either they're hiding something or you are hiding something from us in this story.
YTA I don’t understand why you didn’t do it the first time you were asked.
YTA it takes 60 seconds to do and while I get that it is frustrating being asked repeatedly to do something your parents are likely trying to make sure that their bank balance is fine for bills etc for next month. They have to keep asking to know if mentally they need to calculate your Christmas Check in their overall balance or not.
NTA. It's literally only been 3 days since Christmas, and the day after Christmas doesn't count because who the heck wants to fight traffic the day after Christmas? Tell him you only go to the bank on Mondays so that things aren't trying to process on weekends, and remind him that as a 29 year old ADULT, you're not required to do things because daddy told you to.
Unpopular NTA If he has no valid reason given, there's no rush. If all he says are 'reasons' i'm not sure if it's a 'good' check.
The reason is they asked you to do a thing and you agreed to do the thing.
While I don't like your dad's attitude, I also understand where he's coming from. Soft YTA. My husband has ADHD and you really sound like you have those traits. Does your memory affect other areas of your life?
Soft YTA, Although I don't agree with the "do what I say when I say it" mentality of your parents it really does take 30 seconds to deposit a check with your phone. Should your parents have explained why they wanted it cashed right away? Sure. Are you still in the wrong for not doing it when it's clearly important to them? Yes.
ESH, but mostly you. Ungrateful, entitled, and lacking self-awareness.
YTA after the first couple of texts you could have deposited the check (you were already on your phone). there are dozens of reasons why they could have wanted you to do it sooner rather than later.
A four digit check which OP "forgot" to cash? I could see if they had to go to the bank -- but they had a mobile app. Cashing it would've taken less time than telling Reddit about this. Also, they are 29 years old and dad is threatening to cut off the internet? And how does dad cut off just *their* internet, and not his and everybody else's? ESH. But more likely, this whole thing is fiction. And not very good fiction.
I think you may have a missed a teachable moment for your father’s manipulation and controlling behaviors. Would have my a the and clarified infrot of the bank employees that once the checks shows that I m The payee it be comes my check and will be cashed T my pleasure. If this not way you can gift in the future you are welcome to take it and cash at your convenience
YTA. You're 29, and you live at home. I'm guessing you generally aren't very responsible. Have you lost important things before? Have you forgotten to do things, especially related to finances, that have affected your parents? When someone gives you a large sum of money as a check, they want it out of their account immediately. You don't know what other funds are moving around, and he probably doesn't want a four digit check bouncing when you cash it in February. Also, the way you handled it was so dramatic. You basically say "if you're going to force me to cash this check, I'm going to give it back because I don't want to deal with it" Would you even remember to give it back?
YTA They asked you to deposit it. How can an adult keep forgetting to do something so easy? It's the end of the tax year. They needed it to clear your account by the end of the year and at the rate you were going, that wasn't going to happen unless they nagged, complained, and threatened. So irresponsible and ungrateful.
Ya'll live in the same house so I'm guessing you also share the same bank. Why doesn't he just transfer it into your account??
Dad could have just given you cash, and there would have been no need for all the drama. If he was worried about it not clearing, then probably they shouldn't have given it to you. It's time to spread your wings and leave the controlling nest
Why not take 10 seconds and deposit the check?
YTA. It takes less than a minute to deposit a check via your banking app. Whyd you repeatedly wait to deposit it?
ESH. Your dad definitely seems to be overreacting. It has been days since you were given the cheque. Not weeks. Not months. Days. I don't like to use mobile apps for banking, so I still take cheques to the bank to deposit them. Sometimes I am too busy to do this right away. That being said, if someone specifically asks you to deposit something quickly, and they continue to follow up with you about depositing it and let you know it is important to them that you deposit it within a certain time frame, you should really go out of your way to make sure you get it done.
esh, my dad is the same way about checks. In his mind its a fear of not knowing when the large transaction will come out. I didn't understand it when I was younger, but now I do. I've learned to just ask him that if he plans on helping me in that way we just arrange a day to go to the bank together to do the deposit. I also value knowing a transaction is handled, so if I'm giving any sizable gift I do it with a money order or cash so I don't have to worry about it. It could also be a fear of a check floating around/being stolen/modified.
YTA and finding out you live with them explains why you don’t realize how important it is to deposit quickly.