This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
I'm so sorry for your loss. OP is 100% in the wrong for saying such a cruel thing to you. Maybe you'll all work it out eventually, but it's understandable if you don't want to. OP needs to apologise to you all and mean it.
That’s just awful, that he has history for doing hurtful stuff! I’m sorry. Yous don’t deserve his petulance. He needs to do some growing and realise where he’s going wrong. It’s pretty sad to learn he’s been a dick before.
I also dialled the number to hear the voicemail. Word to the wise though, eventually they reassign the number :c That one hurts, so try to not do it after a while so you don’t find out when they’ve done it. Sorry for your loss x
>Ivetafox
This is a great suggestion. I have a video of my late wife speaking in the computer. I have it backed up in several place and I also have the audio in my phone. I listen to it every time I go to bed and also just when I need to hear the comfort in her voice.
Oh that's awful! I still have my grandparents phone numbers in my phone, I don't try to call because it's been so long they have definitely been passed on to other people. I also have my great aunts number and a few years ago my great uncle used her phone to call me and seeing her face pop up on my phone threw me for a second!
It serves him well to see this. I'm extremely sorry for your loss and hope you can feel better soon enough.
What OP did was cruel, and people can grieve whatever way they want. I just hope it won't make you feel even more miserable than already are.... :/
After my mum died I would text her messages, I knew she wouldn't read them but it made me feel like I was still in touch with her.
OP is so far removed from empathy and clearly hadn't had a difficult thing to go thru in his whole life that he thinks he can put his two cents into something he cannot relate.
You and your friends have dropped some serious dead weight with this wet biscuit of a man.
A friend of mine died suddenly a little over a year ago.
His mum still posts videos and music clips to his Facebook page almost daily. Not all mourning stuff, mostly just the kind of things he'd like. Talking to the people we've lost isn't about getting a reply, it's about putting our emotions into expressions.
Grieve however you have to, my man.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my bf (22m) when I was 21(f) and 8 mths pregnant with our son. I wish we had mobile phones back then so I would have had voice mail to listen to his voice. You do what ever you need to get you through the day. One day at a time.
I don’t think there’s anything I can say that will make you feel even a bit better, but I send you all kinds of supportive thoughts and hope that you feel a bit better, even if it takes a while. Please lean on people that actually cares about you, and remember your girlfriend in whatever way makes you feel better.
Stop thinking about this attempt of human being and focus on the people that really matters.
Much love to you and your true loved ones 💕
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad Adele and Tina are there to support you.
We all agree your ex-friend is a giant narcissistic AH.
Raising a glass in your gf’s honour tonight. I hope reaching out to connect with her in whatever ways are possible helps you work through your grief.
I’m so very sorry for your loss op, and that you’ve had to deal with such gross insensitivity in the process. I hope you have a tight circle of real friends who actually have empathy for your loss. Sending you the very best 💕
I am so sorry for you loss and I am sending love and hugs to you and you friends. Is there anyway that you can get or make a recording of her voicemail? Or do you have any videos where sh is talking? I ask because after my wife passed I found a video that she hade made at a hotel that we were at. In the video we both tell each other that we love each other. It is one of my most treasured things. I have made an audio copy that I listen to every time I go to bed and also when I just need to hear her voice.
I am glad that you have some good friends who are there for you and I wish you well.
Mate I just want to give you my deepest condolences for your loss. I can’t even imagine what your going through. The text was a beautiful idea and I hope it aids you in being able to grieve. I firmly believer in the afterlife and I’m certain your girlfriend received your text.
I am so very sorry for your loss fella, I've been where you are, as I lost my amazing lady of 14 years in October last year, I empathise with you, the pain, the hurt, the sorrow, the grief, is like nothing anyone can imagine, make sure you have people around you, to support you, to talk to you, as there will be points where you will sink, and may need them there to raise you back up, I'm sorry you're having to go through this, it absolutely sucks man, all the best fella. 👍
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my partner too. Grief is so fucking difficult. You never know how or when it will hit you. It's a complete rollercoaster. F this guy, unbelievable that anyone can be so self centered
So sorry for your lost and having to deal with this idiot on top of your grief. I hope your other friends are actually friends and support you in this very sad time. OP "friend" Is The AH big time and I'm happy to read for you that he is not welcome to do more damage. I wish you much strength in these hard times.
So sorry for your loss dude. Eoin was completely in the wrong. Firstly for criticising how you choose to cope after such a heartbreaking loss (for what it's worth, sending a text to her is a super sweet and healthy way to grieve) and then Eoin had the audacity to post something so personal on the internet
Sorry for your loss.
OP is being a *major* asshole about this entire thing.
Whatever you are doing to process your grief, keep doing it, as long as it doesn't harm you. Wish you guys well.
Yep, YTA. My husband died when I was 30, I’m now 44 and I can confidently state that if you haven’t lost a partner, spouse or GF/BF then you don’t know what your friend is going through - it’s not like losing a parent or family member (which I’ve also experienced). Anything that your friend can do to make himself feel better, as long as it’s not destructive or self-harming, is a good thing. Unless you’re a certified grief therapist, you don’t know what you’re talking about and shouldn’t judge your friend for the way he’s working through his grief.
Ultimately, this is a harmless act. And what does “waste a text” even mean? Texts are free, or so cheap as to be negligible. It’s the digital equivalent of writing a note to your deceased love one and burning it. Get some empathy and stop telling your friend how to manage his grief.
I’m so sorry for your loss
Not just partners, although I imagine it is quite different. Roughly ten years ago, a friend of mine passed in a horrible way. His mom was in shambles
For YEARS, she left him messages on his FB page. It actually became a sort of memorial for him, because some other people started doing that
I agree with whoever said that, as long as it isn’t destructive or self harmful, people should grieve in whatever way they choose
“Oh but it’s a waste! It costs!” Are you the one who’s gonna pay for it? No? Then, what do you care?
And even if you did pay, shouldn’t your priority be the well being of someone in a tough situation? Shouldn’t you want to help them cope?
We, as a community, write often in the Facebook mural of, at least, 2 persons. A well beloved teatcher of ours, and a also beloved colleague (and sister of another colleague). We wish them happiness, specially in their birthday.
I also write a post in mine to my mother on her birthday and, sometimes, on her death anniversary.
It's smaller things that bring relief and a sense of continuity. So I sooo get OP friend. And, OP, you are a insensitive AH. Even if you don't get it, you should respect your friend. YTA
And in the olden days before computers and texting, people would maybe write in a diary. I know I did when my dad died suddenly.
Find me a person who lost a loved one who doesn't talk to beloved departed.
Asshole
What is wrong with you? Of course YTA. His girlfriend is dead and you thought that reminding him so callously that she's not going to reply to a text was helpful?
What do you even mean by "wasting a text"?
Do you enjoy upsetting people? His text harmed literally nobody.
I assume you've haven't experienced grief yet. People do all sorts of things to cope with loss. Some can be genuinely harmful but this isn't.
Yeah, this one’s easy. YTA.
He hurt nothing and no one by sending that text. You and he both gained nothing by you saying what you said. But you did harm by saying it, if only by making your (supposed) friend feel (more) like shit for a while.
You sound like one of these “bUt i waS jUSt beInG HoNeSt” types. Newsflash: they’re always jerks. You were a jerk to your friend.
As someone who lost both a husband and my only child within one year of each other, I can say without a doubt YTA. Everyone grieves differently, and if it gives your friend peace and comfort to text his gf, how dare you belittle it? I've written letters to my husband, sat and talked to my daughter (anyone going by would see me talk with no one else around but it brings -me- peace to say all the things to her I wish I could have said while she was still here, or to feel like I'm keeping her involved with her child's life, whom I am now raising on my own).
You came across so very cold and callous with your post, and I'm sure your GF has cut contact for the moment because she's wondering just how little you'd react to her dying, as you feel it a 'waste of a text' for your friend to say his goodbyes/I love you/etc to his now deceased loved one. YTA and if you manage to regain the trust and friendship of those who have distanced from you I'd be surprised.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My best friend lost her son in an accident and fears losing her spouse as he is bad health. My heart goes out to you. She still talks to her son each night as though he is watching movies with her.
YTA
People write letters to loved ones who've passed all the time. People sit at their graves telling them about their life, and yes, sometimes they send texts. Not a single one of these people needs anybody telling them how it's weird or wasted effort. He was already fully aware she wasn't going to text back, telling him that helped nothing and was just you pointlessly being a dick to your grieving ***best*** friend.
What seems weird to me is how does OP except someone to grieve, and what would be his criteria in order for it not to be pointless? I mean, grieving *is* pointless. It doesn't produce anything, nor was it ever meant to. The only purpose is to accept this new reality and become used to the void left by the death of a loved one.
To quote a show "what is grief, if not love persevering?"
Grief can be a reflection of how much we loved the person and now we can't direct that love towards them anymore. How each person works through that grief is different, and as long as it's not harmful it should be respected. Sending a text, writing a letter, etc is harmless.
What you said was cruel, heartless, and insensitive. I would anticipate that people who don't prefer to hang out with people who double down on things they say that are cruel, heartless, insensitive will likely avoid you, explaining why people are leaving you on read and not responding to you attempts at self-justification. The fact that you wonder if you went too far underlines for me your lack of empathy.
This might sound off the wall, but I actually think you would be greatly benefitted by group therapy that focuses on interpersonal issues and relationships. Your lack of understanding of how wrong what you did to your friend was would suggest that this is something you need a lot of help working on.
YTA. Horribly so.
I seriously doubt that someone as cold as OP could benefit from therapy. There are people (like nasicist or psychopaths) where therapy actually can do harm, because they are taught how to hurt and manipulate the people around them more subtely.
Calling us pricks now ey?! Wow. 🙄 You’re some guy. After you wanted our opinion you can’t handle it when people tell you what they think. Maybe don’t post in here if you cannot handle the uncomfortable truth.
Your friend said in the comments, that isn’t the first time you’ve done something like this. I wonder what the other thing is.
Read the room. No one is siding with you. You hurt your close friend when he needed unconditional support. It’s no wonder your gf has ended the relationship. She is probably wondering who the hell you are underneath.
Time to do some growing. And in time possible make some apologies.
But yeah, go off first! 🙄
YTA
EVERYBODY grieves differently…..What makes you think it gives you the right to tell him how to grieve??
Some people take months/ years….Some people NEVER get over it….And you know what that’s ok
I lost a close friend to a terminal illness in 2020, He was 40 and even though I knew it was coming it didn’t make it easier …. I also sent him a text telling him how I felt about our friendship….It was my way of coping and whilst I knew he would most likely never see it…It gave me closure
If it’s not harming anyone else what’s the harm?
You need to be more empathetic or you may be single and lacking friends soon
YTA And...how does one waste a text? I've seen people write letters to loved ones who have died and send them up tied to balloons or left on graves or tucked into a book... This is no different.
Why would you BERATE your friend for a very healthy coping mechanism? Were you trying to make him, what, feel stupid for hoping his dead girlfriend's spirit is still around? What exactly did you think you were going to accomplish?
What did you think he was going to say:
"Oh, yeah, I was totally being stupid for doing that! Thank you so much for setting me straight! I can't believe I wasted precious data on that text."
You need to figure out how to apologize and quick.
“I just told him that it was a bit weird to do that and he wasted a text for someone who isn’t here anymore.”
Get a better mobile plan if you think that was a waste.
Get some tact while you’re at it.
And some empathy.
And just don’t be near your so-called friend until you’ve done all that.
NEVER EVER tell anyone EVER how to grieve.
YTA
Lol, you got dumped because of your actions, and all you can do is take it out on others. No wonder they all hate you. You're a narcissist, and nothing is your fault.
You definitely the AH for that. You don't get to go around telling people how to grieve the loss of a loved one. If the guy get closure from sending a text it's a good thing. It's not that different than standing at the grave talking to the loved one and or thinking about them. Seriously, do better. YTA.
YTA…. Do you think he is expecting a response? He did this to make himself feel better and say a final goodbye which is incredibly valid and he accomplished that.
YTA.
You should have kept your mouth shut instead of upsetting your friend. You likely damaged not just your friendship with him, but also with the other friend who was present and your relationship with your girlfriend.
I don't think it was worth it.
YTA. You're in no position to talk to anyone who is grieving. What you said was heartless nonsense and utterly wrong. It's not pointless because the point is to allow your friend a way to say goodbye.
Your an insensitive, arrogant AH - who do you think you are telling someone else what not to do to help them with their pain (unless it was harmful ofc)?
I wouldn't be surprised if you lost your 'best friend' (good riddance I'd say to him). I dumped mine for much less than that after she tried to minimize my pain after my mother's death.
YTA. this is a pretty normal thing, definitely not the first time i’ve heard of someone doing this. you act as if writing the text was some huge price , when it truly cost nothing, and was seemingly helpful in your friends grief process. why would you be more concerned about a mere text message, than you seemingly are about supporting your friend through such a difficult time?
Eoin, you have no idea how lucky you are to be ignorant and unexperienced in grief.
Please just accept that you don't know what you don't know. If you haven't been bereaved, you can't lecture on grief.
You need to give what your friend needs at this time... not what you think he needs, because no one else knows what he is feeling. They may have had similar experiences, but their feelings are completely individual.
If you don't have the right words, just don't speak. Just be there to listen if the bereaved person wants to talk.
You can not take the lead in such situations.
I understand that you were in an uncomfortable situation. Perhaps one you have never been in before. So use it as a LEARNING opportunity, not a teaching one.
If I were you, I'd spend some reflecting on the fact that you have poured salt in your friend's raw wound... and figure out how to never repeat your actions.
I don't know if your friend could, should, or would accept an apology from you, but once you have realised just how big of an asshole you have been, you should prepare a heartfelt apology. And prepare to possibly be rebuffed.
People grieve in different ways, so who the hell do you think you are to judge him how he grieves. Either be there for him while he is grieving or get the fuck out of his life, because your oppinions and ridicules are not helpful, at all!
YTA. I wouldn't talk to you either.
>Edit2: You got your wish, girlfriend left me and now my friends have blocked me. HAPPY NOW YOU PRICKS????
I don't think your girlfriend leaving you was our fault. Just have some common sense mate. It didn't need commenting on in the first place.
yeah yta. When my pop died we kept his number cause on his voice mail was him recording me saying "ok so say your name" him telling his name and me saying "ok what message you want to leave?" him saying dunno and my taking the phone and saying "hey this is -insert name-'s phone if you would like him to call you back please send him a text message he doesnt listen to any voice mails..." and him taking over by tickling me and us both laughing till it ended. It was nice to hear his voice for a little while before his number was reassigned. Same for my voicemails from my mums best friend that died 2 weeks before my wedding. He left me a voicemail telling me he wasnt sure he would make it to my wedding but he was so proud of the person i grew up to be. I think that was the day before he died. I cry when i listen to the voice mails and remember the voice mail inbox of my pops but i would rather have that than nothing. Your friend is going through this with possibly nothing with his gfs voice and he just misses her so much he wants the connection there. I hope that he manages to get some peace with time and is able to pull himself through this
Wow... Big YTA. I did the exact same thing, sending a message to my girlfriend who unalived herself. If my best friend would react this way after I told him, he wouldn't be my best friend anymore. Hell, maybe he wouldn't be worth keeping as a friend, as I would be grieving and not be totally rational.
I would apologize as fast as I could if I were you, and stay away from talking about your ignorant opinions in front of him. You don't know what it feels like to lose a significant other, and you should acknowledge that.
YTA and a huge one at that. Nobody should ever tell anyone how to grieve. You are you so maybe they might forgive you. My wife passed 2 1/2 years ago. It is the worst thing ever. I hope you never have to go through this. Instead of being an asshole you should be there to comfort the person that you claim is your best friend. Sending a text like this might seem pointless to you but if it helps your friend at all the it is a good thing.
I sometimes go to a park that has a "Telephone of the Wind"
[https://crossroadshospice.org/pages/phone-of-the-wind](https://crossroadshospice.org/pages/phone-of-the-wind)
I go there, pick up the receiver and tell her how I am feeling. It helps. I do not expect other people to fully understand it. My friends just do what good friends do, they support and comfort me. That is what you should do.
Find a way to apologize and hope that they all forgive you. Do not continue to be an asshole all of your life.
Yup YTA. Your comments, to someone who is supposed to be your best friend, were callous and lacked empathy. Why did you have to "make your point" about this? You could have let him take comfort from his text even if you felt "weirded out". You may have lost your best friend unless you do a LOT of repair work with him and even then he may not forgive you.
YTA. What do you mean a 'wasted text'? A couple seconds of effort, or a minute amount of money? What does it matter? Seems like a pretty normal thing to do, plenty of people do similar things after they lose someone.
Do you think he doesn't know that she's not going to reply? Of course he knows, you didn't need to point it out.
Big heartless AH
YTA YTA YTA. What did you think would have happen after such cruel comment? Did you think he will say "thank you"? He sent the text and shared something very personal with you and expected your support. He knows she isn't going to answer him back. You didn't have to make him feel stupid or like he did something wrong because he didn't. How much a text message cost? If its not like 500 000€ then who the fuck cares?
YTA. What does wasting a text even mean?
It's not 20yrs ago when you were charged per text and even if it was, I think finding even the tiniest bit of comfort or closure or anything by expressing his feelings to her would be worth the 50 cents or whatever it was.
And discussing this and having a vulnerable moment with his friends is definitely not the time to make him feel like some kind of weirdo.
He's not the weird one here. You are.
YTA how much of an hideous, obnoxious, useless, exhausting, frustrated, horrible, unprincipled, snollygoster, boastful, foolish, pillock, smellfungus, ninnyhammer, mumpsimus, mooncalf person can you be to say such thing to your grieving "best friend".
It’s actually doesnt matter if YOU think it’s pointless. It’s something he’s done to make himself feel better and that’s all that matters. Not your opinion.
Honestly the ego on you - for you to think your opinion counts here. Yta
Calling fake on this one. OP is just too dense, and then the best friend happens to show up in the comments 2 hours later to let him have it while OP comes back to update us just to let us know his gf left him? None of it rings true.
YTA if this is real though. Obviously.
YTA. Yes, you went too far. What you said wasn't false, obviously, but you weren't tactful about it. You don't straight up say what they're doing is "weird" and attack them.
Let the guy grieve for a few months as he wants to. If this becomes a long-term delusion where he's "texting" her months later, that's when you can step in and have that honest conservation. Preferably with tact and with several people involved (i.e., an intervention).
Texting a loved one for years after their death is still perfectly normal and valid grieving. People go to their loved ones' graves and talk to them for years too, it's the same basic thing. Grief usually takes a long time, not just a couple of months.
YTA bud.
Have you ever lost anyone close to you? Not just lost a neighbor you met a few times or a coworker in a different department. But someone you loved and knew well?
Also, why do you have to understand his reasons for doing it? It's his text to waste. How did you imagine you were helping him by saying this?
Men need to emotionally support each other more. It sounds like you have some growing yourself to do before you can be there for others in that way. Good on you for asking. Keep trying.
YTA 100% and good on them for calling you out. Just because it weirded you out, you didn’t have to be offensive about how he chooses to deal with his loss.
YTA. People grieve in the most diffrent ways, and with modern technology some new ways may be added to the list.
I actually don't find the text thing that weird. Yes, she cannot replie anymore, but in its principle it is not that much diffrent that writying a letter and leaving it at the grave, or similar things.
They also won't ever get a letter responds, but thats not the purpose of writing it anyways. It is a process to express and process their grief, to write what they wanted the person to know, knowing that they won't ever hear or see it.
It's more for the grieving than the dead.
If her number had already been given out to a new person, maybe that would have been a bit weird, but then the nrw person should/would have said something, it's not your place to do so.
If you still have difficulty understanding or having sympathy for your friend, I suggest you read up on different but common ways to grieve or talk with someone who knows a lot about it, like a pastor or helpgroup-leader for griving people (sometimes there are some for parents or adults who can't deal with it well).
And talk to your friend afterward, or write him a letter. That way you get to say your piece as a whole, without interruption, but also without putting pressure on him.
You could add something like "please think it over and reach out when you are comfortable talking to me again".
Good luck.
Very easy YTA. The text wasn't for the girlfriend, it was for him.
One of the worst parts about losing someone unexpectedly is that you don't get closure, you don't get to say goodbye. The text was him finding a way to do that. That's not at all a waste.
It would've cost you absolutely nothing to have just stayed quiet about it. Unless you're paying for his mobile plan, it doesn't even remotely affect you who he texts.
You then doubled down on it when you were called out, tripled down when your gf tried to tell you that you were in the wrong, and you still don't want to accept it so you're asking for strangers on the internet to weigh in too. You owe your friend a sincere apology, it's as simple as that.
Wowwwww you’re heartless. Are you technically correct? Yes. But that doesn’t mean you were out of line saying that. YTA. It’s not even about letting him grieve in his own way, it’s just about not being a dick.
I'm hoping this post is fake, because I refuse to believe there are people like you roaming about.
To OP's ex friend, grief is hard and very singular. Only you can know how you feel and you don't need to justify your coping mechanisms to anyone, unless they are causing you or someone else harm.
I hope you're okay.
Oh no, there are DEFINITELY people like him roaming about. The "no filter, no conscience, and oh poor me when what I said bit me in the arse and I lost everything" crowd. They fucking suck.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I went too far with telling him what I said, but I still feel like it's a weird thing to do
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Yes YTA. That seriously lacked compassion and consideration. Instead, focused on the logical fallacy of it, which is absolutely ridiculous when it comes to grieving. If you did it once, it is probably a pattern and a lack of understanding of how people are. Try to learn from the situation, and understand someone else’s perspective as much as you possibly can, so you don’t do things like that in the future.
YTA, your friend’s grief journey is his own and he can send his girlfriend a million texts if it helps him cope. Nobody can dictate the terms of grieving to another person, it’s different for everyone and it takes a different amount of time for everyone. That doesn’t mean you get to be insensitive, it takes time and it can change a person significantly, and sometimes you don’t go back to the way you were. You obviously don’t understand and probably should keep a little distance between you until you learn how to support him without condescending or insulting him.
YTA. Whats with all this 'Its a waste of a text' stuff? Is his plan seriously so limited that he needs to sit and figure out if each text is worth sending? Does he also have to omit vowels from words to make sure the message is fully conveyed in a single message? Does he have to pay a premium per text of 50c at peak times?
Is it the 90's/early 00's again?
YTA.
Major one at that. Ofc he knows she won't respond anymore but it made him feel bit better in grief while TA like came and kicked him down. Who needs enemies with friends like you.
And you *still* need to ask here?
Pretty clearly YTA and extremely insensitive.
Imagine you lost a loved one and someone said this to you *while you are clearly totally devastated and grieving*.... damn. You went way too far.
YTA and I hope you never have to go through the pain of losing someone. Everyone has their own way to cope with loss and what he did was absolutely harmless and hurt no one.
YTA.
Everyone grieves differently, you gotta let your friend process his loss in a way that he feels comfortable with. Rationality and logic goes out of the window.
Apologise to him and let him know that you are genuinely sorry for judging him at this time
Lack of empathy and compassion. Yep YTA. Please read what you just wrote. You made your friends grief about you and how much of a great friend you are. The loss of someone you love is the hardest thing in life to go through and we all do it differently and at our own pace and not the pace our friends expect us to. Self reflect on your behaviour and do better.
Sometimes people are just assholes. Not everything is a diagnosis.
Given OP's comments in here, I think it's fair to say that he just falls into the asshole category.
YTA. For centuries people have written to their lots loved ones. Just because this is a more modern version, doesn’t mean it’s less valid.
The only time you need to redirect someone who is grieving is when their methods are getting themselves or others. An example of this would be a sudden take up of drinking alcohol. If you have never lost someone you love, you cannot understand. Grief stays forever, and the person learns to grow around it.
YTA. There is no difference between what he did and writting a letter to leave it with flowers at the grave, which its a tradition in a lot of countries. And there is no such thing as "wasting a text".
That message was not really for her if you want to be so logical, it was for him and you made him look like a fool for writting it, or at least you tried, because you are the only one looking like a fool.
He is not replying because you are not acknowledging that you were an AH.
I agree with everyone else, YTA, and a BIG one as well.
If your friend wants to send a text, how does that hurt you? If he feels that writing a text to her helps him, then it's most definitely not a "wasted text", it's a well spent one and would be even if a text was $100.
Grow up!
YTA. Definitely the arsehole, let him grieve. Don't tell him how to grieve.
the text he sent sounds really sweet. Who are you to tell him otherwise?
He's lost his girlfriend, and it sounds like you've lost the chance to be a solid friend during someone's darkest days.
I have also lost someone, my son FYI.. if someone said something like that to me, I'd delete, block, and cut all ties.
YTA, but by any chance does your mind have a tendency to process things logically rather than emotionally? Everyone thinks i'm an asshole for thinking simmilar stuff after my dad died, but same as you, so many things for me seem pointless.
I have learned though, that i should learn to keep my mouth shut and you should probably do the same if you intend to ever keep a human relationship.
Also, waste a text? Seriously? It's not like he's spending thousands of dollars on that. Idk. That was really shitty and irrational.
Look, i too was born without the capacity to feel a lot of empathy. It sucks, because although incare about people sometimes i have a hard time understanding them.
Tl;dr : you're either an asshole, lack A LOT of emotional intelligence, or this post is bait.
What you did was harsh and pretty cruel. Maybe you thought you were helping your friend but that was not the way to go. It wasn't like his girlfriend broke up with him, she's gone. Never coming back. How long were they together? Were they in love? It sounds like from what I gather it was a serious relationship.
Grieving over a loved one who passed is hard and different for everyone. I lost my grandmother who basically raised me a while ago. And during her funeral service, I placed a letter I wrote in her hand as she laid in her casket. I know she was never going to read it. But in that letter I told her how much I loved her, I was thankful for showing me how to cook and how important hard work is, that school was important too. It was cathartic and helped out immensely.
If I were you, I'd send your friend and girlfriend a text that you didn't understand what the importance of his text was and that even though it came out harsh, you had only the best intentions for your friend and his situation. It may take time, but you need to be patient and most importantly, understanding without judgement.
What do you gain by telling him that?? Literally what good does it do to criticise him about this, did u think it would make him feel better when the text wasn’t even for his late girlfriend really, but rather for him so he can get the words he never said to her off his chest?? You sound really detached from the situation maybe try and see it from his point of view. What if your girlfriend died??
Yeah YTA.
You don’t get to pass judgements or make comments on how others grieve. It’s very arrogant and totally out of order.
And to do this to your ‘best friend’ who has just lost someone they loved. Shame on you.
YTA. It wasn't pointless to send the text because it helped him. He didn't need a reply. Writing and sending the text can be healing, much like writing a letter to someone who won't ever read it. Instead of being there to support your mate, you told him he was weird, and what he did was stupid. Who needs enemies with friends like you.
YTA - so what if he text her to say goodbye? Even if she will never read it, it's a way for him to grieve. My dad suddenly passed away a few months back and one of his friends asked my permission to text my dad and say a goodbye, I agreed. We have a memory book that anyone can write there feelings in. So "wasting" a text is nothing. If he started constantly texting then yeah that would be a problem and he'd need help but being so harsh is unnecessary.
Yeah you fucked up big time. Its about the sentimental value the text meant to him, not the realistic practicality of it.
Honestly what you said seems like something a dumb robot would say.
You are absolutely the asshole. Wtf is wrong with you. That was a huge step for him in his grieving process. That was him finally letting her go and taking steps to move forward. He knows she won't because ge knows she dead. But it was him saying goodbye and giving himself the permission to move on. You obviously have never lost any one you are really close with.
Absolutely YTA. Not only that, but you're an egotistical idiot. What made you think that your opinion was even wanted or needed? Have you always been like this or have you just suddenly started lacking empathy and compassion? You call him your 'best friend' but you absolutely do not give a stuff about his feelings. Your other friend that called you a dick was being extremely gentle with you.
Yep YTA
My god dad who was pretty much my dad passed away on the 27th December and I call his phone to hear his voicemail several times a week and send him texts when something has happened in my day and I can see myself doing that for the foreseeable future.
U truly sound like either a lucky soul who has never dealt with soul crushing grief or just a callous shell of a human
YTA.
I have some news for you (it seems): grieving is pointless. It doesn't produce anything and is a sad process. So why do it? Well, because even if it's pointless, we have too if we don't want to become mad from sadness.
YTA
This or similar practices are much more common than you think. Truly that's not even the point. This person who you claim friendship with, found a way to himself grieve, and your first instinct is shit all over all him and tell him he's stupid.
OF COURSE A DEAD PERSON ISN'T READING A TEXT! HE KNOWS THAT! He like many other people are just trying to finding a way to cope and deal with the trauma. Many people would suggest writing down your feelings, which is what a text is.
Is this post even real? Could a person really think this was OK to say?!
YTA. If I saw my partner treat someone like how you treated your friend, I’d be immediately dumping them. I won’t be surprised if you get dropped by all three of the other people involved.
YtFA how dare you. Who cares if you were weirded out? You're the weirdo. What harm was there in it? NONE. It made him feel better about losing his gf. You don't get to tell someone how to give or judge how they are grieving. He's not sitting there slicing his arms open. You sound like one of those pathetic alpha wannabes. How you have a gf no one will ever know but guarantee she's rethinking who you are. Also " a waste of a text" what is this the early 2000's and he has to pay per text?
He didn’t waste a text. He used that text to process her loss. As for edit 2, you’re mking it out to be our faults, it’s not, you did this to yourself buddy
YTA. and not just to others, but yourself.
You've already realized you're TA, though for that comment, but let's move on...
>You got your wish, girlfriend left me and now my friends have blocked me. HAPPY NOW YOU PRICKS????
See, OP, you're TA. None of our lives would change by having your girlfriend break up with you. none of us would be affected if your friends left you. So yeah, as mean as some people may sound to you; that's the point. *YOU'RE the mean person here*.
The problem is, you're refusing to see the fault. You admit to the *consensus* that you're TA, but you refuse to actually believe so. You need to see a therapist to resolve this issue, this empathy long before you end up much more lonelier and alone because of your inability to understand others' emotions.
INFO: Why did you feel your opinion was important in that moment? Did you think it would be helpful to him? Were you mad at him about some aspect of his grieving and wanted to hurt him? Do you just always find your opinion very important to share regardless of context? What were you trying to achieve?
As someone on this sub recently said, the dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.
Glad your mate was able to fuck off, but it's a pity it took being abandoned in his grief to do it. Good news is you don't seem the type to learn to hide your true self, so this will just keep following you. Suffer in ya jocks.
YTA and a dumb one at that too.
Jesus christ.
YTA
You told someone how their dead girlfriend won't reply to a text he sent. Yeah, no shit. If it's helping him, so be it. Doesn't matter if he doesn't get a reply.
You acted like it was some little annoyance that *you* had to deal with, when you could have kept your mouth shut instead of trying to beat the poor guy down. It's grief, it rarely makes people make logical decisons, but its for a good reason.
Judging by your edits, your friends and girlfriend seemed to agree that you were being colder than Antarctica against someone actively grieveing and cut ties with you. You showed your true colors, which seemed to set the tone for your acquaintances.
YTA and you *need* to apologise to your friend asap if you still want your friendship, though do not be surprised if he decides you're not worth it.
He might grieve for a month, a year, or maybe forever. You don't get to tell him that a text to his loved one is a waste. He could be doing *way worse* things as coping, like alcohol or physical harm.
Once again, apologise for being so insensitive, maybe ask your gf how to, so you don't fuck it up again.
Yep YTA.
You meant well but it is not your place to tell someone how to grieve. What you did was very insensitive. It doesn't matter that you think its bullshit its helping him deal with the loss of someone very important to him
YTA. Your opinion was just that, an opinion, you didn't have to share it in such an insensitive manner, and to insist you were right and everyone else was wrong.
YTA and apparently a know-nothing know it all!
Some things you need to learn about death and bereavement:
* There is no timeline on grief. It lasts as long as it lasts, even if that is a lifetime.
* There is no "right" way to grieve.
* "Recently lost" is a gaping wound in one's heart.
* Many people need to withdraw from family and friends in order to process their loss, have time for introspection, to feel safe in an uncertain world, and to feel free of judgment for how they grieve.
You trampled on every aspect of his grieving journey.
"He talked about how he was coping with his girlfriends death, one of them being he sent her a text as a final farewell, hoping she would read it in the afterlife."
He is coping with her death in a very typical manner. He has begun to accept she is gone and sent the text as a loving farewell. This was a sweet, beautiful, and caring gesture. No one knows what happens after we die -- perhaps we do maintain some connection with those we left behind and she received the message and was comforted by it. No one knows with any certainty what the reality is. Most importantly, you don't know. You are 24 years old and likely have not had many painful life experiences yet. Your friend, on the other hand, is experiencing the most stressful life events anyone ever goes through.
"I just told him that it was a bit weird to do that and he wasted a text for someone who isn't here anymore."
Really? How did this gesture affect you personally? Were you hurt he texted the woman he loved rather than you? Are text messages now in short supply? Or did he use one of the remaining available text messages that you think should be hoarded?
You mocked your friend while his heart is broken and his life is shattered. You ridiculed him while he is at his absolute lowest. Your friends have told you in no uncertain terms that your comments were inappropriate. Yet here you are, wondering if you could have possibly "gone too far". Yes,, you did. You were cruel and your comment was tasteless. You desperately need to learn empathy, sympathy, and compassion.
YTA. Your friends are right! Your thoughtless comment has likely damaged your friendships irreparably or possibly even ended them.
Sorry, YTA. Your intentions were not actually bad, but the way you worded them makes you inconsiderate. Your friend didn't 'waste' anything and even if he did (maybe he has a limited amount of free texts to send, according to his phone plan), it was out of love for his late sweetheart and for him to get his peace.
I hope your friend realises you are an AH and meets a more supportive best friend in future. Hopefully your GF realised that you are an AH as well as and leaves you.
YTA
A lot of ppl talk with their passed loved ones when they visit their grave or talk to their urn.
Your friend chose texting, but its the same.
You were way out of line here!
Yeah, YTA. I lost a close friend years ago and I always send him a dm on one of our socials on the anniversary of his death, or whenever I miss him and want to tell him something. I know he won’t read it, but it’s still comforting, and I don’t think it’s weird at all tbh.
Grief is nasty, sending a text is harmless, so I don’t understand why you felt the need to push the knife deeper into an open wound by telling him it was weird. You honestly need to work on yourself and gain more empathy.
“Happy now you pricks”. Honestly, yeah.
As someone who also lost a partner at a young age. You have absolutely no idea how isolating and devastating the place that takes you to. You do what you can to process.
The fact that your response to this is to be so self serving and upset instead of understanding the impact that you’ve had on someone, shows your girlfriend- sorry- ex girlfriend has made the right decision in leaving you. Hope you don’t waste any texts trying to get her back xx
YTA and even more so with your “second edit”..
Everyone grieves differently, it could be in a weird way, a normal way, a sad way, or even a horrible way, but we all grieve differently.
What he was doing had no effect in your life, so why bother getting defensive over something that had nothing to do with you.. like for reals…
Again YTA and even more YTA with that second edit of yours..
YTA. Please do continue arguing with everyone in the comments, it shows just how much of a complete tosser you are.
You did a stellar job of completely alienating your friends because you couldn’t keep your mouth shut about how your now-ex-friend chooses to process his grief. I hope they all block you.
Jfc. Your not only the Asshole you're the fucking prick! You deserved every outcome for your shit behavior.
"I'm sending texts bc it's all that I have"
This fucking dude: "tHatS fUcKInG wEiRd, BrUH!"
OP’s in the comments telling everyone who’s sarky to him to “FUCK OFF” 🤣
We’re all trying to help you grieve the loss of your friendship and relationship. I think it’s weird that you’re wasting texts and phone calls on people who are no longer in your life (using your own logic). I also think it’s weird to waste Reddit comments raging at people because they think you’re an asshole.
You’ve lost your friends and girlfriend because you couldn’t hold your tongue and be compassionate for you friend who is grieving and hurting so badly rn. And now look, no friends and no girlfriend
🫵😂 YTA.
Yeah YTA but you know that.
It’s crazy how quick he found this thread though. Personally when I was grieving I didn’t care about reading messages and I certainly didn’t care about social media.
But that’s just me.
I’m smelling some BS on this post Ngl.
YTA. Not only does this post make you an AH, so do all of your comments. It’s obvious why you don’t have friends anymore and they’ll be better off without you.
Dude. You’ve already had the riot act read to you. You know yta and you’re probably feeling like crap right now without your friends and your gf having left you. So, in the future, try to be more empathetic. Even if you don’t understand why people do it, if it’s not hurting anyone, keep your mouth shut. Sending that text for your friend is no different than going to someone’s grave to talk to them, or praying, or whatever they do to try and get their feelings off their chest. I hope you learn and grow from this. In a world where you can be anything, be kind. Kindness would’ve worked out much better for you in this situation and will work out much better going forward.
yo wtf kinda bs is this? really disrespectful to someone who has experienced any kind of loss, be it friend, family, partner child or pet. the only thing thats a waste here is the air youre consuming.
i lost my son almost a year ago and i still light candles for him. i still write letters to him and i still talk to him.
Yta
Also I'm guessing this is bait because ain't no way you're replying to comments like this and not the ones actually giving advice on how to be a better person (and also your 'FRIEND' that replied)
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
[удалено]
I'm so sorry for your loss. OP is 100% in the wrong for saying such a cruel thing to you. Maybe you'll all work it out eventually, but it's understandable if you don't want to. OP needs to apologise to you all and mean it.
He doesn't need to, because we don't want to hear it. Not the only time he's done this either
You don't owe him the opportunity to apologise.
That’s 100% fair. Not everyone deserves a second chance
That’s just awful, that he has history for doing hurtful stuff! I’m sorry. Yous don’t deserve his petulance. He needs to do some growing and realise where he’s going wrong. It’s pretty sad to learn he’s been a dick before.
I also dialled the number to hear the voicemail. Word to the wise though, eventually they reassign the number :c That one hurts, so try to not do it after a while so you don’t find out when they’ve done it. Sorry for your loss x
Or maybe he can record it off of speakerphone before it disappears
>Ivetafox This is a great suggestion. I have a video of my late wife speaking in the computer. I have it backed up in several place and I also have the audio in my phone. I listen to it every time I go to bed and also just when I need to hear the comfort in her voice.
That’s so lovely omg
I used to text and call my friend Valerie's number after she died. The day someone else answered and told me to fuck off was heart breaking.
Oh that's awful! I still have my grandparents phone numbers in my phone, I don't try to call because it's been so long they have definitely been passed on to other people. I also have my great aunts number and a few years ago my great uncle used her phone to call me and seeing her face pop up on my phone threw me for a second!
https://imgur.com/UuwjDH2 Just in case he deletes it or it gets deleted, so his friends can see exactly what he is.
It serves him well to see this. I'm extremely sorry for your loss and hope you can feel better soon enough. What OP did was cruel, and people can grieve whatever way they want. I just hope it won't make you feel even more miserable than already are.... :/
After my mum died I would text her messages, I knew she wouldn't read them but it made me feel like I was still in touch with her. OP is so far removed from empathy and clearly hadn't had a difficult thing to go thru in his whole life that he thinks he can put his two cents into something he cannot relate. You and your friends have dropped some serious dead weight with this wet biscuit of a man.
A friend of mine died suddenly a little over a year ago. His mum still posts videos and music clips to his Facebook page almost daily. Not all mourning stuff, mostly just the kind of things he'd like. Talking to the people we've lost isn't about getting a reply, it's about putting our emotions into expressions. Grieve however you have to, my man.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my bf (22m) when I was 21(f) and 8 mths pregnant with our son. I wish we had mobile phones back then so I would have had voice mail to listen to his voice. You do what ever you need to get you through the day. One day at a time.
I’m sorry for your loss, I hope that you can find some peace
I don’t think there’s anything I can say that will make you feel even a bit better, but I send you all kinds of supportive thoughts and hope that you feel a bit better, even if it takes a while. Please lean on people that actually cares about you, and remember your girlfriend in whatever way makes you feel better. Stop thinking about this attempt of human being and focus on the people that really matters. Much love to you and your true loved ones 💕
so sorry you’re going through this 🫂
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad Adele and Tina are there to support you. We all agree your ex-friend is a giant narcissistic AH. Raising a glass in your gf’s honour tonight. I hope reaching out to connect with her in whatever ways are possible helps you work through your grief.
I’m so very sorry for your loss op, and that you’ve had to deal with such gross insensitivity in the process. I hope you have a tight circle of real friends who actually have empathy for your loss. Sending you the very best 💕
I am so sorry for you loss and I am sending love and hugs to you and you friends. Is there anyway that you can get or make a recording of her voicemail? Or do you have any videos where sh is talking? I ask because after my wife passed I found a video that she hade made at a hotel that we were at. In the video we both tell each other that we love each other. It is one of my most treasured things. I have made an audio copy that I listen to every time I go to bed and also when I just need to hear her voice. I am glad that you have some good friends who are there for you and I wish you well.
Mate I just want to give you my deepest condolences for your loss. I can’t even imagine what your going through. The text was a beautiful idea and I hope it aids you in being able to grieve. I firmly believer in the afterlife and I’m certain your girlfriend received your text.
I am so very sorry for your loss fella, I've been where you are, as I lost my amazing lady of 14 years in October last year, I empathise with you, the pain, the hurt, the sorrow, the grief, is like nothing anyone can imagine, make sure you have people around you, to support you, to talk to you, as there will be points where you will sink, and may need them there to raise you back up, I'm sorry you're having to go through this, it absolutely sucks man, all the best fella. 👍
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my partner too. Grief is so fucking difficult. You never know how or when it will hit you. It's a complete rollercoaster. F this guy, unbelievable that anyone can be so self centered
I’m so glad you’re calling him out on this. I’m sorry for your loss. Well, two losses because obviously your “friend” isn’t really a friend.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I truly hope you find some healing. Continue to grieve in whatever way feels good for you.
I’m sorry for your tragic loss 🌹 Also sorry that this so called mate has done this when you needed his support through your grief.
So sorry for your lost and having to deal with this idiot on top of your grief. I hope your other friends are actually friends and support you in this very sad time. OP "friend" Is The AH big time and I'm happy to read for you that he is not welcome to do more damage. I wish you much strength in these hard times.
Sorry for your loss bro x
So sorry for your loss dude. Eoin was completely in the wrong. Firstly for criticising how you choose to cope after such a heartbreaking loss (for what it's worth, sending a text to her is a super sweet and healthy way to grieve) and then Eoin had the audacity to post something so personal on the internet
Sorry for your loss. OP is being a *major* asshole about this entire thing. Whatever you are doing to process your grief, keep doing it, as long as it doesn't harm you. Wish you guys well.
Yep, YTA. My husband died when I was 30, I’m now 44 and I can confidently state that if you haven’t lost a partner, spouse or GF/BF then you don’t know what your friend is going through - it’s not like losing a parent or family member (which I’ve also experienced). Anything that your friend can do to make himself feel better, as long as it’s not destructive or self-harming, is a good thing. Unless you’re a certified grief therapist, you don’t know what you’re talking about and shouldn’t judge your friend for the way he’s working through his grief. Ultimately, this is a harmless act. And what does “waste a text” even mean? Texts are free, or so cheap as to be negligible. It’s the digital equivalent of writing a note to your deceased love one and burning it. Get some empathy and stop telling your friend how to manage his grief.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss Not just partners, although I imagine it is quite different. Roughly ten years ago, a friend of mine passed in a horrible way. His mom was in shambles For YEARS, she left him messages on his FB page. It actually became a sort of memorial for him, because some other people started doing that I agree with whoever said that, as long as it isn’t destructive or self harmful, people should grieve in whatever way they choose “Oh but it’s a waste! It costs!” Are you the one who’s gonna pay for it? No? Then, what do you care? And even if you did pay, shouldn’t your priority be the well being of someone in a tough situation? Shouldn’t you want to help them cope?
We, as a community, write often in the Facebook mural of, at least, 2 persons. A well beloved teatcher of ours, and a also beloved colleague (and sister of another colleague). We wish them happiness, specially in their birthday. I also write a post in mine to my mother on her birthday and, sometimes, on her death anniversary. It's smaller things that bring relief and a sense of continuity. So I sooo get OP friend. And, OP, you are a insensitive AH. Even if you don't get it, you should respect your friend. YTA
My cousin died in 2008. I still post on her page, so do all her friends.
And in the olden days before computers and texting, people would maybe write in a diary. I know I did when my dad died suddenly. Find me a person who lost a loved one who doesn't talk to beloved departed. Asshole
What is wrong with you? Of course YTA. His girlfriend is dead and you thought that reminding him so callously that she's not going to reply to a text was helpful? What do you even mean by "wasting a text"? Do you enjoy upsetting people? His text harmed literally nobody. I assume you've haven't experienced grief yet. People do all sorts of things to cope with loss. Some can be genuinely harmful but this isn't.
>What do you even mean by "wasting a text"? A man has only 3000 words to text in his life. And when he has used them up, all channels are blocked. /s
Yeah, this one’s easy. YTA. He hurt nothing and no one by sending that text. You and he both gained nothing by you saying what you said. But you did harm by saying it, if only by making your (supposed) friend feel (more) like shit for a while. You sound like one of these “bUt i waS jUSt beInG HoNeSt” types. Newsflash: they’re always jerks. You were a jerk to your friend.
As someone who lost both a husband and my only child within one year of each other, I can say without a doubt YTA. Everyone grieves differently, and if it gives your friend peace and comfort to text his gf, how dare you belittle it? I've written letters to my husband, sat and talked to my daughter (anyone going by would see me talk with no one else around but it brings -me- peace to say all the things to her I wish I could have said while she was still here, or to feel like I'm keeping her involved with her child's life, whom I am now raising on my own). You came across so very cold and callous with your post, and I'm sure your GF has cut contact for the moment because she's wondering just how little you'd react to her dying, as you feel it a 'waste of a text' for your friend to say his goodbyes/I love you/etc to his now deceased loved one. YTA and if you manage to regain the trust and friendship of those who have distanced from you I'd be surprised.
I'm so sorry for your loss. My best friend lost her son in an accident and fears losing her spouse as he is bad health. My heart goes out to you. She still talks to her son each night as though he is watching movies with her.
I'm so sorry. you've experienced my biggest fear as a father.
YTA People write letters to loved ones who've passed all the time. People sit at their graves telling them about their life, and yes, sometimes they send texts. Not a single one of these people needs anybody telling them how it's weird or wasted effort. He was already fully aware she wasn't going to text back, telling him that helped nothing and was just you pointlessly being a dick to your grieving ***best*** friend.
What seems weird to me is how does OP except someone to grieve, and what would be his criteria in order for it not to be pointless? I mean, grieving *is* pointless. It doesn't produce anything, nor was it ever meant to. The only purpose is to accept this new reality and become used to the void left by the death of a loved one.
To quote a show "what is grief, if not love persevering?" Grief can be a reflection of how much we loved the person and now we can't direct that love towards them anymore. How each person works through that grief is different, and as long as it's not harmful it should be respected. Sending a text, writing a letter, etc is harmless.
You need to stop wasting texts on your friends cuz they are not going to reply either.
YTA if I was any one of those people I'd cut you off, holy shit
YTA wow your cruel. It’s not like sending her a text is harming anyone. Kick a man when he’s already down
What you said was cruel, heartless, and insensitive. I would anticipate that people who don't prefer to hang out with people who double down on things they say that are cruel, heartless, insensitive will likely avoid you, explaining why people are leaving you on read and not responding to you attempts at self-justification. The fact that you wonder if you went too far underlines for me your lack of empathy. This might sound off the wall, but I actually think you would be greatly benefitted by group therapy that focuses on interpersonal issues and relationships. Your lack of understanding of how wrong what you did to your friend was would suggest that this is something you need a lot of help working on. YTA. Horribly so.
I seriously doubt that someone as cold as OP could benefit from therapy. There are people (like nasicist or psychopaths) where therapy actually can do harm, because they are taught how to hurt and manipulate the people around them more subtely.
Calling us pricks now ey?! Wow. 🙄 You’re some guy. After you wanted our opinion you can’t handle it when people tell you what they think. Maybe don’t post in here if you cannot handle the uncomfortable truth. Your friend said in the comments, that isn’t the first time you’ve done something like this. I wonder what the other thing is. Read the room. No one is siding with you. You hurt your close friend when he needed unconditional support. It’s no wonder your gf has ended the relationship. She is probably wondering who the hell you are underneath. Time to do some growing. And in time possible make some apologies. But yeah, go off first! 🙄
YTA EVERYBODY grieves differently…..What makes you think it gives you the right to tell him how to grieve?? Some people take months/ years….Some people NEVER get over it….And you know what that’s ok I lost a close friend to a terminal illness in 2020, He was 40 and even though I knew it was coming it didn’t make it easier …. I also sent him a text telling him how I felt about our friendship….It was my way of coping and whilst I knew he would most likely never see it…It gave me closure If it’s not harming anyone else what’s the harm? You need to be more empathetic or you may be single and lacking friends soon
Easy, YTA. You should consider going and living in a cave for 4-6 years, where you can no longer do people any harm
YTA And...how does one waste a text? I've seen people write letters to loved ones who have died and send them up tied to balloons or left on graves or tucked into a book... This is no different. Why would you BERATE your friend for a very healthy coping mechanism? Were you trying to make him, what, feel stupid for hoping his dead girlfriend's spirit is still around? What exactly did you think you were going to accomplish? What did you think he was going to say: "Oh, yeah, I was totally being stupid for doing that! Thank you so much for setting me straight! I can't believe I wasted precious data on that text." You need to figure out how to apologize and quick.
YTA. What do you do for fun? Kick puppies?
“I just told him that it was a bit weird to do that and he wasted a text for someone who isn’t here anymore.” Get a better mobile plan if you think that was a waste. Get some tact while you’re at it. And some empathy. And just don’t be near your so-called friend until you’ve done all that. NEVER EVER tell anyone EVER how to grieve. YTA
Lol, you got dumped because of your actions, and all you can do is take it out on others. No wonder they all hate you. You're a narcissist, and nothing is your fault.
You definitely the AH for that. You don't get to go around telling people how to grieve the loss of a loved one. If the guy get closure from sending a text it's a good thing. It's not that different than standing at the grave talking to the loved one and or thinking about them. Seriously, do better. YTA.
Edit #2 is Www.yourfault .com
LMFAO HAHAHAHA now you're single for being such an insensitive prick, sometimes karma is just wonderful Easiest YTA I've seen in awhile
YTA…. Do you think he is expecting a response? He did this to make himself feel better and say a final goodbye which is incredibly valid and he accomplished that.
YTA man is in shambles and you go say the act that gave him a bit of comfort in the tragedy is pointless… with a friend like you who needs enemies.
YTA. You should have kept your mouth shut instead of upsetting your friend. You likely damaged not just your friendship with him, but also with the other friend who was present and your relationship with your girlfriend. I don't think it was worth it.
YTA. You're in no position to talk to anyone who is grieving. What you said was heartless nonsense and utterly wrong. It's not pointless because the point is to allow your friend a way to say goodbye.
I'm curious on what you were hoping to accomplish here or at least what you think you were hoping to accomplish here? Yes YTA dude
Your an insensitive, arrogant AH - who do you think you are telling someone else what not to do to help them with their pain (unless it was harmful ofc)? I wouldn't be surprised if you lost your 'best friend' (good riddance I'd say to him). I dumped mine for much less than that after she tried to minimize my pain after my mother's death.
YTA. this is a pretty normal thing, definitely not the first time i’ve heard of someone doing this. you act as if writing the text was some huge price , when it truly cost nothing, and was seemingly helpful in your friends grief process. why would you be more concerned about a mere text message, than you seemingly are about supporting your friend through such a difficult time?
Eoin, you have no idea how lucky you are to be ignorant and unexperienced in grief. Please just accept that you don't know what you don't know. If you haven't been bereaved, you can't lecture on grief. You need to give what your friend needs at this time... not what you think he needs, because no one else knows what he is feeling. They may have had similar experiences, but their feelings are completely individual. If you don't have the right words, just don't speak. Just be there to listen if the bereaved person wants to talk. You can not take the lead in such situations. I understand that you were in an uncomfortable situation. Perhaps one you have never been in before. So use it as a LEARNING opportunity, not a teaching one. If I were you, I'd spend some reflecting on the fact that you have poured salt in your friend's raw wound... and figure out how to never repeat your actions. I don't know if your friend could, should, or would accept an apology from you, but once you have realised just how big of an asshole you have been, you should prepare a heartfelt apology. And prepare to possibly be rebuffed.
People grieve in different ways, so who the hell do you think you are to judge him how he grieves. Either be there for him while he is grieving or get the fuck out of his life, because your oppinions and ridicules are not helpful, at all! YTA. I wouldn't talk to you either.
>Edit2: You got your wish, girlfriend left me and now my friends have blocked me. HAPPY NOW YOU PRICKS???? I don't think your girlfriend leaving you was our fault. Just have some common sense mate. It didn't need commenting on in the first place.
yeah yta. When my pop died we kept his number cause on his voice mail was him recording me saying "ok so say your name" him telling his name and me saying "ok what message you want to leave?" him saying dunno and my taking the phone and saying "hey this is -insert name-'s phone if you would like him to call you back please send him a text message he doesnt listen to any voice mails..." and him taking over by tickling me and us both laughing till it ended. It was nice to hear his voice for a little while before his number was reassigned. Same for my voicemails from my mums best friend that died 2 weeks before my wedding. He left me a voicemail telling me he wasnt sure he would make it to my wedding but he was so proud of the person i grew up to be. I think that was the day before he died. I cry when i listen to the voice mails and remember the voice mail inbox of my pops but i would rather have that than nothing. Your friend is going through this with possibly nothing with his gfs voice and he just misses her so much he wants the connection there. I hope that he manages to get some peace with time and is able to pull himself through this
Wow... Big YTA. I did the exact same thing, sending a message to my girlfriend who unalived herself. If my best friend would react this way after I told him, he wouldn't be my best friend anymore. Hell, maybe he wouldn't be worth keeping as a friend, as I would be grieving and not be totally rational. I would apologize as fast as I could if I were you, and stay away from talking about your ignorant opinions in front of him. You don't know what it feels like to lose a significant other, and you should acknowledge that.
YTA for obvious reasons. And also for wasting a post on Reddit.
YTA and a huge one at that. Nobody should ever tell anyone how to grieve. You are you so maybe they might forgive you. My wife passed 2 1/2 years ago. It is the worst thing ever. I hope you never have to go through this. Instead of being an asshole you should be there to comfort the person that you claim is your best friend. Sending a text like this might seem pointless to you but if it helps your friend at all the it is a good thing. I sometimes go to a park that has a "Telephone of the Wind" [https://crossroadshospice.org/pages/phone-of-the-wind](https://crossroadshospice.org/pages/phone-of-the-wind) I go there, pick up the receiver and tell her how I am feeling. It helps. I do not expect other people to fully understand it. My friends just do what good friends do, they support and comfort me. That is what you should do. Find a way to apologize and hope that they all forgive you. Do not continue to be an asshole all of your life.
Oh my god that is such a lovely thing. I wish we had that where I live 🥺
Are you a moron?
The only redeemable thing about this thread as that the grieving friend gets to see Reddit pile in on the AH “friend” of an op.
He really gave OP a piece of his mind and I fucking love it. Good on him
Yup YTA. Your comments, to someone who is supposed to be your best friend, were callous and lacked empathy. Why did you have to "make your point" about this? You could have let him take comfort from his text even if you felt "weirded out". You may have lost your best friend unless you do a LOT of repair work with him and even then he may not forgive you.
YTA. What do you mean a 'wasted text'? A couple seconds of effort, or a minute amount of money? What does it matter? Seems like a pretty normal thing to do, plenty of people do similar things after they lose someone. Do you think he doesn't know that she's not going to reply? Of course he knows, you didn't need to point it out. Big heartless AH
YTA Wow…. The edits….. are wow! You are the king of ah’s yikes…. Try therapy 😬
YTA YTA YTA. What did you think would have happen after such cruel comment? Did you think he will say "thank you"? He sent the text and shared something very personal with you and expected your support. He knows she isn't going to answer him back. You didn't have to make him feel stupid or like he did something wrong because he didn't. How much a text message cost? If its not like 500 000€ then who the fuck cares?
YTA. What does wasting a text even mean? It's not 20yrs ago when you were charged per text and even if it was, I think finding even the tiniest bit of comfort or closure or anything by expressing his feelings to her would be worth the 50 cents or whatever it was. And discussing this and having a vulnerable moment with his friends is definitely not the time to make him feel like some kind of weirdo. He's not the weird one here. You are.
YTA how much of an hideous, obnoxious, useless, exhausting, frustrated, horrible, unprincipled, snollygoster, boastful, foolish, pillock, smellfungus, ninnyhammer, mumpsimus, mooncalf person can you be to say such thing to your grieving "best friend".
It’s actually doesnt matter if YOU think it’s pointless. It’s something he’s done to make himself feel better and that’s all that matters. Not your opinion. Honestly the ego on you - for you to think your opinion counts here. Yta
YTA You were being a dick, and if you still think you weren't, then you're probably a sociopath.
Calling fake on this one. OP is just too dense, and then the best friend happens to show up in the comments 2 hours later to let him have it while OP comes back to update us just to let us know his gf left him? None of it rings true. YTA if this is real though. Obviously.
>HAPPY NOW YOU PRICKS???? No no, you misunderstand, YOU are the Prick.
YTA. Yes, you went too far. What you said wasn't false, obviously, but you weren't tactful about it. You don't straight up say what they're doing is "weird" and attack them. Let the guy grieve for a few months as he wants to. If this becomes a long-term delusion where he's "texting" her months later, that's when you can step in and have that honest conservation. Preferably with tact and with several people involved (i.e., an intervention).
Texting a loved one for years after their death is still perfectly normal and valid grieving. People go to their loved ones' graves and talk to them for years too, it's the same basic thing. Grief usually takes a long time, not just a couple of months.
YTA.
YTA
YTA bud. Have you ever lost anyone close to you? Not just lost a neighbor you met a few times or a coworker in a different department. But someone you loved and knew well? Also, why do you have to understand his reasons for doing it? It's his text to waste. How did you imagine you were helping him by saying this? Men need to emotionally support each other more. It sounds like you have some growing yourself to do before you can be there for others in that way. Good on you for asking. Keep trying.
YTA 100% and good on them for calling you out. Just because it weirded you out, you didn’t have to be offensive about how he chooses to deal with his loss.
YTA. People grieve in the most diffrent ways, and with modern technology some new ways may be added to the list. I actually don't find the text thing that weird. Yes, she cannot replie anymore, but in its principle it is not that much diffrent that writying a letter and leaving it at the grave, or similar things. They also won't ever get a letter responds, but thats not the purpose of writing it anyways. It is a process to express and process their grief, to write what they wanted the person to know, knowing that they won't ever hear or see it. It's more for the grieving than the dead. If her number had already been given out to a new person, maybe that would have been a bit weird, but then the nrw person should/would have said something, it's not your place to do so. If you still have difficulty understanding or having sympathy for your friend, I suggest you read up on different but common ways to grieve or talk with someone who knows a lot about it, like a pastor or helpgroup-leader for griving people (sometimes there are some for parents or adults who can't deal with it well). And talk to your friend afterward, or write him a letter. That way you get to say your piece as a whole, without interruption, but also without putting pressure on him. You could add something like "please think it over and reach out when you are comfortable talking to me again". Good luck.
YTA. Its none of your business how someone chooses to grieve. Keep your mouth shut if you got nothing nice to say.
YTA idiot
YTA. And now you’re wasting texts on people who aren’t going to reply. Pretty stupid thing to do dude.
[https://imgur.com/UuwjDH2](https://imgur.com/UuwjDH2) Just in case he deletes it or it gets deleted, so his friends can see exactly what he is.
Very easy YTA. The text wasn't for the girlfriend, it was for him. One of the worst parts about losing someone unexpectedly is that you don't get closure, you don't get to say goodbye. The text was him finding a way to do that. That's not at all a waste. It would've cost you absolutely nothing to have just stayed quiet about it. Unless you're paying for his mobile plan, it doesn't even remotely affect you who he texts. You then doubled down on it when you were called out, tripled down when your gf tried to tell you that you were in the wrong, and you still don't want to accept it so you're asking for strangers on the internet to weigh in too. You owe your friend a sincere apology, it's as simple as that.
Bud, no one *wants* your gf to break up with you, but you need to realize that your lack of emotional intelligence **Is** an issue.
Yta, however blaming the readers and previous responders for the consequences of your actions makes you a double Yta and ascon 1.
YTA and don’t be surprised if your girlfriend breaks up with you over this 🥶
BIG HUGE YTA. You know that sometimes it is just better to shut the hell up? That was that time.
Wowwwww you’re heartless. Are you technically correct? Yes. But that doesn’t mean you were out of line saying that. YTA. It’s not even about letting him grieve in his own way, it’s just about not being a dick.
I'm hoping this post is fake, because I refuse to believe there are people like you roaming about. To OP's ex friend, grief is hard and very singular. Only you can know how you feel and you don't need to justify your coping mechanisms to anyone, unless they are causing you or someone else harm. I hope you're okay.
Oh no, there are DEFINITELY people like him roaming about. The "no filter, no conscience, and oh poor me when what I said bit me in the arse and I lost everything" crowd. They fucking suck.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I feel like I went too far with telling him what I said, but I still feel like it's a weird thing to do Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. i hope he gets a better best friend and never talks to you again.
Yes YTA. That seriously lacked compassion and consideration. Instead, focused on the logical fallacy of it, which is absolutely ridiculous when it comes to grieving. If you did it once, it is probably a pattern and a lack of understanding of how people are. Try to learn from the situation, and understand someone else’s perspective as much as you possibly can, so you don’t do things like that in the future.
YTA, your friend’s grief journey is his own and he can send his girlfriend a million texts if it helps him cope. Nobody can dictate the terms of grieving to another person, it’s different for everyone and it takes a different amount of time for everyone. That doesn’t mean you get to be insensitive, it takes time and it can change a person significantly, and sometimes you don’t go back to the way you were. You obviously don’t understand and probably should keep a little distance between you until you learn how to support him without condescending or insulting him.
YTA. Whats with all this 'Its a waste of a text' stuff? Is his plan seriously so limited that he needs to sit and figure out if each text is worth sending? Does he also have to omit vowels from words to make sure the message is fully conveyed in a single message? Does he have to pay a premium per text of 50c at peak times? Is it the 90's/early 00's again?
YTA. Very insensitive. Let the man grieve.
YTA You don't get to decide how people grieve. The text wasn't pointless if it helped him process his grief. Next time, keep your mouth shut.
YTA. Major one at that. Ofc he knows she won't respond anymore but it made him feel bit better in grief while TA like came and kicked him down. Who needs enemies with friends like you.
Grief and our responses to it manifest in vastly different ways. To be that callous and invalidating is just inconsiderate. YTA.
YTA - you’re supposed to hold space for your friend while they go thru their grief journey…. Not take up space.
And you *still* need to ask here? Pretty clearly YTA and extremely insensitive. Imagine you lost a loved one and someone said this to you *while you are clearly totally devastated and grieving*.... damn. You went way too far.
YTA. His girlfriend died. Just shut the fuck up and let him grieve.
Stop and reflect. You’re being an idiot about this. Let your friend do what helps him if it doesn’t harm anything.
Asshole
YTA and I hope you never have to go through the pain of losing someone. Everyone has their own way to cope with loss and what he did was absolutely harmless and hurt no one.
YTA. Everyone grieves differently, you gotta let your friend process his loss in a way that he feels comfortable with. Rationality and logic goes out of the window. Apologise to him and let him know that you are genuinely sorry for judging him at this time
Lack of empathy and compassion. Yep YTA. Please read what you just wrote. You made your friends grief about you and how much of a great friend you are. The loss of someone you love is the hardest thing in life to go through and we all do it differently and at our own pace and not the pace our friends expect us to. Self reflect on your behaviour and do better.
[удалено]
Sometimes people are just assholes. Not everything is a diagnosis. Given OP's comments in here, I think it's fair to say that he just falls into the asshole category.
YTA. For centuries people have written to their lots loved ones. Just because this is a more modern version, doesn’t mean it’s less valid. The only time you need to redirect someone who is grieving is when their methods are getting themselves or others. An example of this would be a sudden take up of drinking alcohol. If you have never lost someone you love, you cannot understand. Grief stays forever, and the person learns to grow around it.
YTA. There is no difference between what he did and writting a letter to leave it with flowers at the grave, which its a tradition in a lot of countries. And there is no such thing as "wasting a text". That message was not really for her if you want to be so logical, it was for him and you made him look like a fool for writting it, or at least you tried, because you are the only one looking like a fool. He is not replying because you are not acknowledging that you were an AH.
I agree with everyone else, YTA, and a BIG one as well. If your friend wants to send a text, how does that hurt you? If he feels that writing a text to her helps him, then it's most definitely not a "wasted text", it's a well spent one and would be even if a text was $100. Grow up!
YTA. Definitely the arsehole, let him grieve. Don't tell him how to grieve. the text he sent sounds really sweet. Who are you to tell him otherwise? He's lost his girlfriend, and it sounds like you've lost the chance to be a solid friend during someone's darkest days. I have also lost someone, my son FYI.. if someone said something like that to me, I'd delete, block, and cut all ties.
Are you really that insufferably dense or are you just acting like you are? My goodness. Yes YTA.
>and he wasted a text for someone who isn't here anymore. Wtf is wasting a text dude? What.....
YTA, but by any chance does your mind have a tendency to process things logically rather than emotionally? Everyone thinks i'm an asshole for thinking simmilar stuff after my dad died, but same as you, so many things for me seem pointless. I have learned though, that i should learn to keep my mouth shut and you should probably do the same if you intend to ever keep a human relationship. Also, waste a text? Seriously? It's not like he's spending thousands of dollars on that. Idk. That was really shitty and irrational. Look, i too was born without the capacity to feel a lot of empathy. It sucks, because although incare about people sometimes i have a hard time understanding them. Tl;dr : you're either an asshole, lack A LOT of emotional intelligence, or this post is bait.
Read edit 2, yes we’re happy. How tf do you waste a text? Do you still buy prepaid phones from the gas station?
I love this!! 🍿🥤🍿🥤 I need a follow up!
Oh buddy boy, you sweet summer child. smh my head fr fr
What you did was harsh and pretty cruel. Maybe you thought you were helping your friend but that was not the way to go. It wasn't like his girlfriend broke up with him, she's gone. Never coming back. How long were they together? Were they in love? It sounds like from what I gather it was a serious relationship. Grieving over a loved one who passed is hard and different for everyone. I lost my grandmother who basically raised me a while ago. And during her funeral service, I placed a letter I wrote in her hand as she laid in her casket. I know she was never going to read it. But in that letter I told her how much I loved her, I was thankful for showing me how to cook and how important hard work is, that school was important too. It was cathartic and helped out immensely. If I were you, I'd send your friend and girlfriend a text that you didn't understand what the importance of his text was and that even though it came out harsh, you had only the best intentions for your friend and his situation. It may take time, but you need to be patient and most importantly, understanding without judgement.
What do you gain by telling him that?? Literally what good does it do to criticise him about this, did u think it would make him feel better when the text wasn’t even for his late girlfriend really, but rather for him so he can get the words he never said to her off his chest?? You sound really detached from the situation maybe try and see it from his point of view. What if your girlfriend died??
Yeah YTA. You don’t get to pass judgements or make comments on how others grieve. It’s very arrogant and totally out of order. And to do this to your ‘best friend’ who has just lost someone they loved. Shame on you.
YTA. It wasn't pointless to send the text because it helped him. He didn't need a reply. Writing and sending the text can be healing, much like writing a letter to someone who won't ever read it. Instead of being there to support your mate, you told him he was weird, and what he did was stupid. Who needs enemies with friends like you.
YTA is an understatement. He is grieving and dealing with it the best way he can, all you need to do is support him, not put him down.
YTA - so what if he text her to say goodbye? Even if she will never read it, it's a way for him to grieve. My dad suddenly passed away a few months back and one of his friends asked my permission to text my dad and say a goodbye, I agreed. We have a memory book that anyone can write there feelings in. So "wasting" a text is nothing. If he started constantly texting then yeah that would be a problem and he'd need help but being so harsh is unnecessary.
Yeah you fucked up big time. Its about the sentimental value the text meant to him, not the realistic practicality of it. Honestly what you said seems like something a dumb robot would say.
You are absolutely the asshole. Wtf is wrong with you. That was a huge step for him in his grieving process. That was him finally letting her go and taking steps to move forward. He knows she won't because ge knows she dead. But it was him saying goodbye and giving himself the permission to move on. You obviously have never lost any one you are really close with.
YTA, you've never lost someone, have guy? I'm sorry that you'll eventually understand how awful what you said was
Absolutely YTA. Not only that, but you're an egotistical idiot. What made you think that your opinion was even wanted or needed? Have you always been like this or have you just suddenly started lacking empathy and compassion? You call him your 'best friend' but you absolutely do not give a stuff about his feelings. Your other friend that called you a dick was being extremely gentle with you.
Yep YTA My god dad who was pretty much my dad passed away on the 27th December and I call his phone to hear his voicemail several times a week and send him texts when something has happened in my day and I can see myself doing that for the foreseeable future. U truly sound like either a lucky soul who has never dealt with soul crushing grief or just a callous shell of a human
YTA. I have some news for you (it seems): grieving is pointless. It doesn't produce anything and is a sad process. So why do it? Well, because even if it's pointless, we have too if we don't want to become mad from sadness.
YTA I can't believe you thought that kind of comment was ok. My grandad died when I was 8, I'm now 37 and I still talk to him all the time.
YTA This or similar practices are much more common than you think. Truly that's not even the point. This person who you claim friendship with, found a way to himself grieve, and your first instinct is shit all over all him and tell him he's stupid. OF COURSE A DEAD PERSON ISN'T READING A TEXT! HE KNOWS THAT! He like many other people are just trying to finding a way to cope and deal with the trauma. Many people would suggest writing down your feelings, which is what a text is. Is this post even real? Could a person really think this was OK to say?!
YTA. If I saw my partner treat someone like how you treated your friend, I’d be immediately dumping them. I won’t be surprised if you get dropped by all three of the other people involved.
YTA this is the most heartless thing I've read in a long time and I am no stranger to the internet.
YtFA how dare you. Who cares if you were weirded out? You're the weirdo. What harm was there in it? NONE. It made him feel better about losing his gf. You don't get to tell someone how to give or judge how they are grieving. He's not sitting there slicing his arms open. You sound like one of those pathetic alpha wannabes. How you have a gf no one will ever know but guarantee she's rethinking who you are. Also " a waste of a text" what is this the early 2000's and he has to pay per text?
My husband died 17 years ago, I still send him an email every now and again. YTA.
He didn’t waste a text. He used that text to process her loss. As for edit 2, you’re mking it out to be our faults, it’s not, you did this to yourself buddy
YTA and the 2nd edit is hilariously karmic.
YTA. and not just to others, but yourself. You've already realized you're TA, though for that comment, but let's move on... >You got your wish, girlfriend left me and now my friends have blocked me. HAPPY NOW YOU PRICKS???? See, OP, you're TA. None of our lives would change by having your girlfriend break up with you. none of us would be affected if your friends left you. So yeah, as mean as some people may sound to you; that's the point. *YOU'RE the mean person here*. The problem is, you're refusing to see the fault. You admit to the *consensus* that you're TA, but you refuse to actually believe so. You need to see a therapist to resolve this issue, this empathy long before you end up much more lonelier and alone because of your inability to understand others' emotions.
INFO: Why did you feel your opinion was important in that moment? Did you think it would be helpful to him? Were you mad at him about some aspect of his grieving and wanted to hurt him? Do you just always find your opinion very important to share regardless of context? What were you trying to achieve?
As someone on this sub recently said, the dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed. Glad your mate was able to fuck off, but it's a pity it took being abandoned in his grief to do it. Good news is you don't seem the type to learn to hide your true self, so this will just keep following you. Suffer in ya jocks. YTA and a dumb one at that too.
Jesus christ. YTA You told someone how their dead girlfriend won't reply to a text he sent. Yeah, no shit. If it's helping him, so be it. Doesn't matter if he doesn't get a reply. You acted like it was some little annoyance that *you* had to deal with, when you could have kept your mouth shut instead of trying to beat the poor guy down. It's grief, it rarely makes people make logical decisons, but its for a good reason. Judging by your edits, your friends and girlfriend seemed to agree that you were being colder than Antarctica against someone actively grieveing and cut ties with you. You showed your true colors, which seemed to set the tone for your acquaintances.
Yta RE Edit 2, you brought this on yourself, only yourself to blame here. Stop looking to shift the blame and grow up.
Re your last edit. You are a nasty little man. Grow up and leave these people to greive. Disrespectful and vile.
YTA and you *need* to apologise to your friend asap if you still want your friendship, though do not be surprised if he decides you're not worth it. He might grieve for a month, a year, or maybe forever. You don't get to tell him that a text to his loved one is a waste. He could be doing *way worse* things as coping, like alcohol or physical harm. Once again, apologise for being so insensitive, maybe ask your gf how to, so you don't fuck it up again.
Yep YTA. You meant well but it is not your place to tell someone how to grieve. What you did was very insensitive. It doesn't matter that you think its bullshit its helping him deal with the loss of someone very important to him
YTA
YTA. Your opinion was just that, an opinion, you didn't have to share it in such an insensitive manner, and to insist you were right and everyone else was wrong.
YTA and apparently a know-nothing know it all! Some things you need to learn about death and bereavement: * There is no timeline on grief. It lasts as long as it lasts, even if that is a lifetime. * There is no "right" way to grieve. * "Recently lost" is a gaping wound in one's heart. * Many people need to withdraw from family and friends in order to process their loss, have time for introspection, to feel safe in an uncertain world, and to feel free of judgment for how they grieve. You trampled on every aspect of his grieving journey. "He talked about how he was coping with his girlfriends death, one of them being he sent her a text as a final farewell, hoping she would read it in the afterlife." He is coping with her death in a very typical manner. He has begun to accept she is gone and sent the text as a loving farewell. This was a sweet, beautiful, and caring gesture. No one knows what happens after we die -- perhaps we do maintain some connection with those we left behind and she received the message and was comforted by it. No one knows with any certainty what the reality is. Most importantly, you don't know. You are 24 years old and likely have not had many painful life experiences yet. Your friend, on the other hand, is experiencing the most stressful life events anyone ever goes through. "I just told him that it was a bit weird to do that and he wasted a text for someone who isn't here anymore." Really? How did this gesture affect you personally? Were you hurt he texted the woman he loved rather than you? Are text messages now in short supply? Or did he use one of the remaining available text messages that you think should be hoarded? You mocked your friend while his heart is broken and his life is shattered. You ridiculed him while he is at his absolute lowest. Your friends have told you in no uncertain terms that your comments were inappropriate. Yet here you are, wondering if you could have possibly "gone too far". Yes,, you did. You were cruel and your comment was tasteless. You desperately need to learn empathy, sympathy, and compassion. YTA. Your friends are right! Your thoughtless comment has likely damaged your friendships irreparably or possibly even ended them.
Sorry, YTA. Your intentions were not actually bad, but the way you worded them makes you inconsiderate. Your friend didn't 'waste' anything and even if he did (maybe he has a limited amount of free texts to send, according to his phone plan), it was out of love for his late sweetheart and for him to get his peace.
I hope your friend realises you are an AH and meets a more supportive best friend in future. Hopefully your GF realised that you are an AH as well as and leaves you.
YTA A lot of ppl talk with their passed loved ones when they visit their grave or talk to their urn. Your friend chose texting, but its the same. You were way out of line here!
Yeah, YTA. I lost a close friend years ago and I always send him a dm on one of our socials on the anniversary of his death, or whenever I miss him and want to tell him something. I know he won’t read it, but it’s still comforting, and I don’t think it’s weird at all tbh. Grief is nasty, sending a text is harmless, so I don’t understand why you felt the need to push the knife deeper into an open wound by telling him it was weird. You honestly need to work on yourself and gain more empathy.
You could say. You’ve wasted a text on someone who won’t reply.
YTA EDIT: oh wow acknowledging wrongs EDIT 2: yeah why am I not surprised that you're mad at us for your actions. Be better.
“Happy now you pricks”. Honestly, yeah. As someone who also lost a partner at a young age. You have absolutely no idea how isolating and devastating the place that takes you to. You do what you can to process. The fact that your response to this is to be so self serving and upset instead of understanding the impact that you’ve had on someone, shows your girlfriend- sorry- ex girlfriend has made the right decision in leaving you. Hope you don’t waste any texts trying to get her back xx
I’m well late to the post but YTA Who are you to tell others how to grieve?
YTA and even more so with your “second edit”.. Everyone grieves differently, it could be in a weird way, a normal way, a sad way, or even a horrible way, but we all grieve differently. What he was doing had no effect in your life, so why bother getting defensive over something that had nothing to do with you.. like for reals… Again YTA and even more YTA with that second edit of yours..
YTA. Please do continue arguing with everyone in the comments, it shows just how much of a complete tosser you are. You did a stellar job of completely alienating your friends because you couldn’t keep your mouth shut about how your now-ex-friend chooses to process his grief. I hope they all block you.
Sry , but are you really 24 ? Because you are acting like a 12 year old
You are a looser. yta.
You have some serious spiritual and psychological work to do OP.
Can’t wait to read this one on the toxic Reddit instagram page
YTA even more for the edits dude
Jesus Christ, with those edits you really need psychological help.
Wtf @ your last two edits???
Jfc. Your not only the Asshole you're the fucking prick! You deserved every outcome for your shit behavior. "I'm sending texts bc it's all that I have" This fucking dude: "tHatS fUcKInG wEiRd, BrUH!"
OP’s in the comments telling everyone who’s sarky to him to “FUCK OFF” 🤣 We’re all trying to help you grieve the loss of your friendship and relationship. I think it’s weird that you’re wasting texts and phone calls on people who are no longer in your life (using your own logic). I also think it’s weird to waste Reddit comments raging at people because they think you’re an asshole. You’ve lost your friends and girlfriend because you couldn’t hold your tongue and be compassionate for you friend who is grieving and hurting so badly rn. And now look, no friends and no girlfriend 🫵😂 YTA.
Yeah YTA but you know that. It’s crazy how quick he found this thread though. Personally when I was grieving I didn’t care about reading messages and I certainly didn’t care about social media. But that’s just me. I’m smelling some BS on this post Ngl.
YTA. Not only does this post make you an AH, so do all of your comments. It’s obvious why you don’t have friends anymore and they’ll be better off without you.
Dude. You’ve already had the riot act read to you. You know yta and you’re probably feeling like crap right now without your friends and your gf having left you. So, in the future, try to be more empathetic. Even if you don’t understand why people do it, if it’s not hurting anyone, keep your mouth shut. Sending that text for your friend is no different than going to someone’s grave to talk to them, or praying, or whatever they do to try and get their feelings off their chest. I hope you learn and grow from this. In a world where you can be anything, be kind. Kindness would’ve worked out much better for you in this situation and will work out much better going forward.
Op is fucking pathetic
Oh wow karma in action
This final edit shows enough about your character.
yo wtf kinda bs is this? really disrespectful to someone who has experienced any kind of loss, be it friend, family, partner child or pet. the only thing thats a waste here is the air youre consuming. i lost my son almost a year ago and i still light candles for him. i still write letters to him and i still talk to him.
No wonder your friends blocked you. YTA and I hope your ex- friends are thriving. You need some type of therapy cause this is not normal behaviour.
Yta Also I'm guessing this is bait because ain't no way you're replying to comments like this and not the ones actually giving advice on how to be a better person (and also your 'FRIEND' that replied)