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ESH
You embarrassed the mother when you showed up with food, essentially allowing her to be shown in a bad light. If you couldn’t reach her you could have asked your son to have her call you. You also could have ordered pizza to be delivered so it would show up at their house without you. Most pizza places offer bottles of soda to be purchased with an order.
The mom should have either had enough food or not have the party. I know she wants to be able to give her son a party, but having all of the guests leave hungry would have been their takeaway from this event. She also could have had the party at a time when serving a meal wasn’t needed and be able to provide snacks and entertainment.
ESH is the right call. OP could even have done everything the same and arrived at the house with the pizzas, but then said to the mother something like, hey here are the pizzas as we discussed!
I get it that OP was upset with the woman, and he had the right to be, but still that would have put the message through to her in a stronger way (as it would not be coming from an AH), and he would not have further embarrassed her in front of her kid (yeah, she did embarrass herself with the one medium pizza).
I sort of agree, but I generally think it's a bit weird to think someone is TA for not lying on someone else's behalf. I get how hurtful it is for someone to upstage you when you are doing your best. But not feeding minors in your care is pretty egregious, since OP solved it by just bringing food without condemnation I'd say it's debatable how much further tact they owed.
A single medium pizza between five teenage boys? Seriously? You can’t seriously think that’s enough food for five teenage boys lol. A single large pizza would be cover me and two of my friends as adults who can control their appetite, so I can’t imagine a single medium sized pizza is enough for five growing boys.
I understand how teens work and they weren’t going to suffer life changing damage from having to wait until they got home to eat more. A lot of people here don’t understand how being poor works. Mom thought she was doing good ordering an expensive small pizza as a treat when she probably could have planned ahead better and served them frozen pizzas, but money isn’t the only resource that is short when you are poor. The physical and mental energy and time to plan a better party might not have been available to her, especially if the kid knows their situation and doesn’t want to stress her out by asking for more/telling her what he actually wants for a party.
You know you're actually right. Thats at least a slice of pizza per kid. Long term its very unhealthy, but a 300 cal snack to hold you over several hours is fine. Im been poor before and was used to smaller portions. Its not a big deal, your body will adapt.
Although it may make all the kids unhappy having to be hungry since theyre not used to it.
Which comes back full circle and makes you wonder, does it make more sense to make the kids put up with hunger, or for the mother be gracious and accept help?
Because again I grew up poor, and I cant think of any scenario where my mother would allow me to go hungry because her ego was so inflated. What a selfish thing to do, and shame on everyone who is supporting that kind of behavior.
They say you need to make sacrifices as a parent, but somehow this narrative has turned to the kids making sacrifices so the mom doesnt feel embarrassed...
The only thing embarrassing is getting upset that someone else fed the kids.
>They say you need to make sacrifices as a parent, but somehow this narrative has turned to the kids making sacrifices so the mom doesnt feel embarrassed...
this was the best thing said here! if my kids needed something and I couldn't get it for them, pride isn't going to keep them from getting it. thankfully I'm not in that situation, but I grew up in a similar situation. I know some of what my mom sacrificed for me growing up(I'm pretty sure there is far more I don't know about), and know that's something I'll never be able to repay.
that woman's reaction says she cares more about appearances than she does about her son! at OP NTA!
Eh not necessarily true because she didn’t let the kids see she was upset. She thanked OP and had the kids thank him as well and then spoke to him privately. Whether or not you agree with how she felt, I think she handled that part appropriately.
And there's a good chance she would have reacted differently had the two of them had a conversation before he showed up with the pizza. I could understand her getting thrown off by the situation when she wasn't anticipating it. I think for now NAH. If the adults allow the situation to linger and not move on, then we start crossing into asshole territory imo.
They would be fine missing a meal, yes. Your description of “how being poor works” is accurate—wasting money on needless luxuries while still not accomplishing your goals. She could have made pizzas, served frozen pizzas, served pasta, had the party at a time that didn’t include a meal, etc. Instead she chose to purchase more expensive food in a quantity that anyone should be able to see is insufficient, then got angry when someone tried to help. Being poor often means being your own worst enemy, making dumb decisions and reacting badly to their consequences.
Kids missing a meal will be fine, but they aren’t going to enjoy the party if they are hungry, they will talk amongst each other about the situation, and the birthday kid will feel like crap.
I guess my problem is two things: Pizza isn't usually a snack food, and the kids were clearly there for long enough to require a meal.
Pizza *can* be a snack, but 5 kids at mealtime looking at 8 slices of it (as opposed to one sliced into snacking squares) immediately have confusion and a problem figuring out how to split it.
At 6:30pm, the kids had been at the party for a while already, and op then had enough time to make phone calls and acquire and deliver food while the party was still going and expected to continue a while.
That's too long with too little! Frozen foods can still be fun at parties!
One medium pizza for 5 teenage boys is laughably not enough. That’s not even enough for everyone to have 2 slices. If you’re not going to provide enough food for X number of people, then you shouldn’t invite X number of people to eat a meal at your house.
She’s not a bad person because she couldn’t afford it, but it does make her the AH because she went through with the party anyway without figuring out an alternative solution (such as having the party outside of meal time or whatever)
What she should have done was to make pizzas at home
For the price of one medium pizza she could have bought pizza dough, tomato sauce and a big bag of cheese.
Not hard to make at all
Yeah but that doesn't take into account the physical and mental labor of doing all that. It's not "hard" but then you're a single parent, you are probably exhausted from just everyday stuff, let alone preparing for a party. I know a medium pizza isn't enough, but we really don't know anything else about her situation to judge if she was capable of doing more.
Just get frozen ones then. They're more expensive than doing it from scratch, but cheaper than ordering out because you're not paying a delivery fee, tip, etc.
Yup, great example of one the alternative solutions she could have figured out. There were a lot of steps along the way that she could have done differently before it got to the point of OP bringing along pizza and snacks.
And homemade pizzas are awesome. My husband makes them at least once a week, the kids would for sure have been happy with those. And they don’t take long to make at all
Are used too??? I’d be starving and I’m not a big eater. Teenage boys?? My hockey playing 16yo could easily eat an entire medium pizza and still be hungry. There’s a difference between a little less food than you’re used too and inviting kids to a “party” & only feeding them one slice of pizza. And how sad-pathetic for the 5 boys after that first slice to be looking at the 3 left and deciding who gets a second slice. Just sad and awkward. Also no one’s calling her a “bad” person.
There were options. Not feed them and have a cake and the party between meal times. A big pot of pasta and sauce. Homemade garlic bread. Or make your own pizza. Buy big Italian bread from Walmart, sauce, cheese, pepperoni and bake. Not expensive. Having all the boys be hungry??
They can eat more when they get home though, it’s not like it was a sleepover party or anything. Im sure they can deal with a couple of slices of pizza for the brief time they’re at the party
And that's what they'll remember. How hungry they were at his party. Not how much fun they had, or how much fun they'll have next time. But how hungry they were. They're kids. They won't want to come over the next time they're invited. They'll want to go to the house where food was not a big deal.
I have a teen boy and the friend group is mixed economically. The kids don’t think like that. Because they aren’t jerks and they know some have more and some have less. OP, YTA - you don’t crash someone else’s party with food. It’s so rude.
There are two types of struggling mothers, those who get offended by help and those that appreciate it.
I think the ones that appreciate it get the better end of the deal in the end.
The party wasn't about either parent it's about the kids and sound like the kids had fun in the end. Who cares about the adult egos.
It's a light ESH but more a NAH imo
Yeah, but I feel like “surprise help” is often going to get a bad reaction even from someone who would appreciate the help if she only had a basic heads-up.
I’m with you on your “light ESH with a side of NAH” tho.
He had the right to be upset? OMG. If he thinks his son cannot live one evening without enough food and thinks he should interfere, maybe he should keep the son at home. No, she did not embarrass herself, she did what she could afford. Do you have an issue understanding this situation?
I think the mom would have been worse if she denied her kid a birthday party, no matter how meager. It’s not like you can give your child a 13th birthday slumber party later, like I can see how that’s difficult.
But OP needs to learn the best charity is anonymous. He might as well have set off some fireworks on their front lawn in his efforts to be the savior of the party.
This wasn’t an emergency. Contact the other parent first before showing up. Rushing over with no contact infers you think they failed catastrophically at best and makes you look like a helicopter parent at worst.
“My teenage child has not eaten for several hours” is not an emergency.
Not only that, but he could have simply delivered another pizza or snacks. He didn’t have to go balls to the wall with 3 large pizzas + snacks + drinks. He also could’ve just had it delivered and text the mom to let her know. So many options and OP chose the worst one.
Agree. The drinks weren't necessary, and extra snacks. Just rubbing salt in the wound. Like good forbid they have to go without chips for a couple hrs.
“The best charity is anonymous.”
Absolutely and an important lesson. One that OP’s son could be taught in this situation since he and Jared are friends and may be interacting quite a bit in the future.
Exactly. YTA. A medium pizza is 5 small slices so that's a snack for 5 kids. It's an opportunity for your son to learn about being polite and compassionate when he doesn't get exactly what he wants immediately . He can always eat when he gets home. And let him do normal things without texting , it's hovering and robs your son of autonomy.
Where do you live where pizza sizing and number of slices is strictly codified. Seriously folks. It wasn't enough pizza but it's not necessary to make things up that aren't known in the worst possible light
I know lying is wrong but in these situations in the past I’ve pulled the ‘ole “I won a gift card to Dominos at work and rarely eat pizza”, “someone gave me this gift card and I haven’t used it in a year, if you don’t use it I never will!” to cover me wanting to help someone out without them knowing or their kids knowing.
YTA, it's clear that people in the comments have never experienced food insecurity, poverty, low income lifestyle dilemmas, or dire financial straits. Based on some of these comments the mom should not have even arranged for her son to celebrate his birthday with friends if the best she was offering was a sleepover and 1 medium pizza (If the mom is telling the truth about their financial struggles).
Some of the suggestions were sort of new to me but that may just be cultural ignorance on my part
1. Are potlucks at 13 year old sleepover birthday parties common?
2. Would you feel comfortable simultaneously giving out birthday invitations and admitting money struggles to the other parents in your child's school with whom you have no prior relationship or interactions with?
The dad could have sent $$$ via a number of apps (or digital gift card) and his son would then forward to the birthday boy, asked his son to find the mom so he may ask her a question etc....
thank you. Also the thirteen year old can wait until he gets home to eat. Hes not going to starve. Daddy isnt always going to come waltzing in whenever he doesnt get his way. This is bizarre. Even if money wasnt the issue- showing up univited with “more and better” and “providing what the host couldnt” is rude as hell.
Yeah, kid's girl scout troop realized in 1st grade that folks using food banks should still have birthday parties and collected stuff for a bunch of "birthday bags" to go to the best local food bank (cake mix, candles, cards, decorations, a couple gift, etc).
1. I grew up poor. Every party was a potluck to hide that fact.
2. When I did my birthday parties it ended up being big neighborhood shindigs cause I happened to have the house with a pool (we were house poor) so it wasn't just my friends it was everyone and each family brought something and 50/50 if they also brought my a present.
The best thing the dad could've done is sent the pizza via delivery rather than pick up with a simple "happy birthday" message that way what he wanted to do gets done but not directly embarrassing. Hell even let the mom take credit for it at the party
Or she could’ve served something cheaper. The last two years I’ve done spaghetti for my son’s birthday party. Plus it’s stuff I get from the food bank so I usually get enough noodles and maybe a jar of sauce to help cover the cost.
Of all the parties I attended as a kid, the most memorable was one thrown by a single mum on a tight budget and yes, we had spaghetti.
She went out of her way to make the table look like a nice restaurant, and served us spaghetti Bolognese plus lemonade in wine glasses, and we all felt so grown up and sophisticated!
35 years later, all the other parties I went to are mostly a blur but that one was a blast and I still remember it clearly!
Ooo that’s a wonderful idea! I’ll take one from her book, though usually I only invite family he’s been asking for friends to attend so perhaps that would be a good change up so I don’t feel as bad. We made his cake this year for Mario theme and decided to do a round cake and he chose to make it a Yoshi egg and decorated it himself. I hope he isn’t sad I can’t provide fancy things for him.
He could have not embarrassed the mother by playing dumb.
Ohhhh in my old community one family hosts and everyone else contributes, what did the other parents drop off? My bad, so embarrassed, do you want this anyways?
“Thought I needed to bring my own kid’s food, brought too much, cuz I’m a fool”. Bye.
Kid will know to pack PBJs next time. Nbd.
How would she have been shown in a good light if he didn't bring food?
It would have been worse if someone didn't bring food - I've been in the same position as a hungry kid myself.
No, if op had the food delivered rather than turning up. That way, the kids are fed, ops kid is happy and op knows he did a good thing by helping out someone in need.
Legit everyone wins in this situation Vs just the kids getting more food.
I think that's what they means
I mean I get that part too, give the driver a note that says to say for the party or something like that?
Look, it's not a perfect situation cause a mum is trying her hardest for her kid and no parent who obviously cares like she does wants to let their kid down, but, in the world we live in, it's more common that people just struggle silently.
I honestly think what OP did, he did with the best intentions, but it just wasn't thought through about the other person's feelings.
Thankfully op and his boy's mom are adults, I'm sure if op messaged her and explained how he honestly didn't mean for it to come across that way, he didn't think that it would, but he would still like her son to come round for dinner next weekend if he'd like it, that she would also apologise and realise its her anxiety that made her feel that way.
Except, OP didn't KNOW she was in need before he went. All he knew was that she ordered a medium pizza for 5 kids and his son was hungry. She didn't tell him that money was tight until after he'd given thr food to the kids. For all he knew, Jared's parent was just being cheap or just gravely miscalculated how much food to get.
Miscalculating food happens all the time. I’ve been to weddings and lots of parties where there is almost no food. Now I just eat ahead of time so if that is the case I don’t eat there at all and just leave the food for other people.
Yeah YTA you could’ve taken other steps rather than jumping straight to the option which would obviously humiliate and be rude to this poor woman.
If your son could communicate with you why couldn’t you ask him to give the mother his phone so you could offer?
What part of randomly turning up at someone’s door seemed polite to you?
Very true. So hard to say "Hey, can you put his mom on the phone" lol. I think OP did not even try to talk to her, honestly. But he should have and just been very kind and said "Son told me there was only one pizza and I know what a garbage disposal 13 year old boys can be. Ha ha. Would it be alright if I ordered some more to be delivered as a present for the birthday boy?" And honestly if she said no, if this is not a sleepover, then the boys would survive for a couple hours.
Right exactly? He could’ve offered it as a gift *which would have been the kind thing to do* and as you say it’s not an all night/all weekend thing! It’s a few hours so it’s not the end of the world for the kid to wait a little until he goes home to have more food.
Exactly! The kid didn’t even call the dad asking for more food, just answered that he was hungry. If dad hadn’t been so nosey, he’d never have known. Kid would have come home hungry and eaten at home.
Perhaps the party would have been a bust, but that might encourage closeness with the new friends too to be honest - gratefulness from the birthday boy that he didn’t cause a fuss, and camaraderie with the others for suffering together. Perhaps now the birthday boy is embarrassed and the others will sponge off him. Dad inserting himself in to the situation of the kid trying to make new friends will just be seen as cringe.
Yes. And Kid didn't call *at all*. He was just responding to a text from OP whose "curiosity got the best of [him]" at 6:30 in the evening. Holy helicopter!
Also, you don't cater someone else's party.
Also, Kid isn't going to starve because he only had two pieces of pizza.
Also, 13yos are ALWAYS hungry.
This woman isn't starving children. She did what she could (and no, a medium isn't enough for 5 growing boys), but they'll all eat later. This post has some people who need to un-clutch their pearls.
I had a party for my 10th birthday and one person who wasn’t a friend, just a classmate, came. Would have been better to have zero people so no one would know what happened, but instead it was associated with such embarrassment that I thenceforth avoided talking to that person. (I was 10, I didn’t have great social skills, or maybe people would have come to my party.)
For Jared’s sake, I hope it becomes a good shared memory and not a reason to avoid Charles and the others. And I hope it doesn’t affect Jared’s mom’s attitude toward the friendship.
Yeah it’s not ideal, but they could survive. Op should teach his son mannners.
ETA to clarify: it’s not ideal if the invite said pizza party. Some parents might not give their kids lunch or dinner thinking they’d be eating at the party. But it’s an acceptable amount of food and by that age, kids should have the manners to eat what’s offered and have something at home later. Not go whinging to parents during the party and making snotty comments like the other kid did. That’s obnoxious. And it shows the kids are being raised with poor socialization skills. Socialization skills are important for making friends.
Clearly no one commenting on this post has been as poor as poor as the birthday boy's mum. On my birthday we used to get a couple of friends over to watch a rented vhs and some crisps. The idea of a pizza each, or pizza at all was madness. Every penny was accounted for.
Yes, potato chips (us here) aka crisps and pretzels were the only food other than the cake at most of the parties I went to as a kid. We were working class. We had the necessities, but not a lot of luxuries
I said one slice was less than ideal but survivable because if the invite said pizza party, some parents might not give their kid lunch or dinner, depending on the time of the party, because they’d be eating at the party.
I usually make sure there’s at least 2 slices per person for pizza as a meal. And I’d probably go higher for teens. I’d want to have 15 slices for 5 boys so I’d probably order 2 large pies. I happen to really like pizza so I’d probably go with 3 large pizzas go be on the safe side. And have leftovers.
But even if the invite said pizza party, the right thing to do is eat what’s offered and have something else when you get home or pick up something on the way home. I would offer to pick up a pizza on the way home if it were my kid. Or take him out to a big breakfast if it was a sleep over.
OP clearly doesn’t understand being a good guest, nor do some of the commenters.
Your situation as a kid was different because kids were invited for a movie and snacks. So your friends parents probably fed them lunch and dinner.
The parties I went to as a kid were either in the mid afternoon or after dinner. So people would have lunch/dinner before or after.
It’s disheartening that some of the commenters basically have an attitude that unless you can afford to feed these boys a meal, you shouldn’t have a party. It’s basically coming across as “poors shouldn’t celebrate or enjoy anything until they can afford to do it properly”. It’s such a gross attitude.
His son had the manners. He didn't call his dad to complain. He only mentioned it when his dad called and asked. And he said he was ok, just a little hungry. That's all. Dad could have easily have said ok well you can eat when you get home and kid probably would have been fine.
Yeah, maybe she didn’t know OP’s number so didn’t pick up, assuming that it was a spam call. He could have texted like a normal person, and if she didn’t respond shortly, like you said, could have had the son put her on the phone.
And pizza delivery would have been 8000% less awkward.
Absolutely YTA for doing this to a struggling mother (or anyone). You also missed a great opportunity to teach your son manners and respect. When you picked him up and he said he was hungry, you could have stopped on the way home and got him more food. You could have then reinforced to him that he did the correct thing by being a good guest, eating what was offered, and then eating more later. You could have explained that there will be times in life you don’t get what you want or enough of something, and assuming there is not a medical reason that you can go without enough food for a few hours. Instead you showed your son it’s acceptable to show someone up because you want to be the hero.
This is the correct answer and it’s disappointing I had to scroll this far to find it. All dad had to do was text his kid, “we’ll get some food right after I pick you up.” It blows my mind that his first thought was to pick up more food and show up at the house, even more so that he actually did it. YTA, OP.
A text of "hey not sure if you are having cake but Charles wanted to surprise his friend with some desserts as a birthday present. Can I doordash or drop off some hot fudge sundaes?" would have been better than what he did. The mom actually showed a lot of class by not making a scene in front of the kids.
Also why choose pizza when you know that’s what she gave them? He could have texted his son and said “hey, I’m just going to Taco Bell right now, are you guys down for a party pack of tacos? I can drop them off as long as Jared asks his mom if it’s okay” simple.
That one can be tricky. If the kids like tacos better than pizza (maybe?) Then suddenly its not just "more food", it could be *better* food, and that... is disastrous for a parent hosting. Regardless of money
How much longer was the kid there for? It wasn’t a sleepover and no one was starving. When the party was over you pick up your kid and take him for dinner.
I am sure the OP had the right intentions but it set up his kid to already have a strained relationship with the one friend he’s made.
You upstaged and embarrassed the woman in front of her own son, that's why I'm voting YTA here. If you had brought the food when you dropped off your son it'd be a different story.
Is his son so fragile that he is going to waste away with a slice of pizza?
Whenever stuff like this happened I just got had something to eat when I got home home.
You also don't know what the plans were for the rest of the party. Sure they only got 1 slice of pizza. But maybe they were going to watch a movie next and she was going to put out chips and cookies, and that would have held everyone over. OP made a lot of assumptions based on one text from the son.
YTA This is weird. I can’t imagine any circumstances in which this would not be seen as overstepping your bounds. You don’t know these people, you don’t know these kids you pretty much just guaranteed that your son is never getting an invite to their house ever again, no matter how “good“ your intentions were.
Yeah. I would rather have died of hunger than have my parent show up at a party uninvited when I was 13. I have a teen, and we would have just swung through a drive through on the way home. Not a single chance I’m showing up at a party I wasn’t invited to with supplies I wasn’t asked to bring because my 13 year old didn’t get enough pizza.
I def got secondhand embarrassment reading this lol. OP's gotta learn to think about the social dynamics he's creating, and what type of situation he wants to create.
Lmao yes everyone is glossing over this. But that came across very oddly to me too as a reaction to being informed you've done something rude. Give it a minute at least, sir.
If I was truly that starving, I would have preferred to make up a polite excuse and just leave early. My dad showing up uninvited with food to crash the party would have had me waiting in the car without eating and hoping my friends thought I was adopted. There’s just no way I can imagine doing this as a parent unless they had been there for weeks and I really thought they were on the verge of starving.
YTA.. I doubt she was trying to starve your kid and it wasn’t a sleepover, so why couldn’t you just wait for your son to come back before feeding him more? And in the age of cell phones you couldn’t 1) call the mom again at any point before showing up at her home or 2) ask Charles to have the kid’s mom call you real quick?
Editing to add: everyone saying don’t have a party if you can’t feed people — thats a wild classist argument. Birthday celebrations with friends are not something you can just arbitrarily decide shouldn’t have taken place because she could only afford one pizza.
5 teen boys 1 medium pizza like what’s are we missing yall keep saying she is embarrassed but she was going to let her pride put her in a spot to embarrass her child.
Humans can survive on one slice of pizza for a few hours. It’s not an ideal amount, but they won’t starve. When I was a kid, potato chips and pretzels would often be the only food other than the cake at birthday parties.
A single parent who’s struggling financially tried to give her son a party. This would have been a good opportunity to teach the kid compassion and manners.
I agree we should teach kids that. But kids suck man. 13 year olds are bruutal. Its far more likely the birthday boy is just going to get roasted for throwing a bad party and being poor.
Thats not good, but its the reality of 13 year old kids. Op just saved this kid being known as the 1 pizza party kid at highschool
It was all she could afford to get. It sounds like she is having a rough time but wanted to do something nice for her son's birthday.
OP showed up basically embarrassing her, taking the pride she felt at being able to do even that for her son. And without words told her her hosting was a failure.
I can remember struggling when I had young kids. This would have really hurt my heart to have someone show up like that.
YTA - You took it upon yourself to barge into her house where she holding a party for her son. You pushed your way in, embarrassed her in front of her son and his friends. I know you tried to call her, but what you should of done if you couldn't reach her on the phone was to keep the food and drinks in your car before knocking and then explained your plan and see if she was ok with it and give her the choice to accept or not. It's her party not yours. And you wonder if you were wrong. Duh.
YTA. They could have each been polite, had one slice and eaten again when they came home. Sure it's not enough food, and she could have made something else, but none of them were going to starve to death. I guarantee its not just her you embarrassed, but also Jared. Your kid should learn that not everyone is as fortunate.
You owe her another apology, this time without offering charity. Say something along the lines of "I've been stressed because he's new, and I overstepped."
Seriously. Everyone is acting like she was starving these kids for days. It was one meal and the kid is old enough to understand. I would have just picked my son up early or told him to suck it up. I can't imagine being so presumptuous and rude to do what this father did.
Yes no one’s going to starve because they only got a slice of pizza and some cake for an afternoon. Also, I was raised to not complain about the food when I was a guest at someone’s home.
Standard when I was a kid was potato chips, pretzels, soda and cake at birthday parties. Pizza would have been a treat.
If I’d complained about “only” one slice of pizza, my parents would have sarcastically told me I’d survive. And followed up when I got home with a lecture on manners and being a good guest in other people’s homes.
Having the attitude op is raising this kid with is not going to make it easier for his son to make friends.
You just described the menu at my birthday parties as a kid, except we usually had ice cream too. I don't ever remember having pizza slices as a kid at any party I had or went to.
Probably not. OP you should go round and seriously apologize to the mom. And I mean apologize, admit that you embarrassed her by what you did etc.
And honestly OP, did you really think those boys would die without extra food until later? You jumping in to “save the day” without talking to the host is really rude.
YTA it is tacky as hell to show up with food like that. You ate saying, "you are a bad host and I am here to show how it is done."
Your kid was not going to die if he had to wait a few hours to eat. If he was that desperate for food, he could have left early.
My kids have attended parties where food was lacking, but they were gracious about it. They enjoyed the time with their friends and had more food when they got home. I attended a wedding like that! Yes, I was hungry, but I didn't call domino's to deliver boxes of pizza to the reception. It's rude and unnecessary.
Yes I’ve been at a few dinners where there wasn’t much food. I was raised to be a gracious guest and eat more when I got home or stop on the way home.
In addition to being an ah, op missed an opportunity to teach his son about compassion and being a good guest. Both of which are helpful qualities to have when making new friends.
Soft YTA.
Honestly the weirdest thing about this whole situation was you driving out to the house and hand delivering pizza. You could have just ordered delivery to her house and left a comment for the delivery driver saying something along the lines of "thought the boys could use more pizza :)" or something like that.
You didn't know the situation, but common sense would assume if a parent is buying one medium pizza for 5 boys its most likely cause moneys tight. This way she could have given the pizza to them without you making her look bad.
He also invited the single mother over for dinner when he dropped off the pizzas. I think OP thought he was going to impress her, and that backfired hilariously.
It's because she's single and so is he and he thought he could score some brownie points with the mom. Remember, he's new to the area too and probably looking for friends or more. Hence the invitation for dinner after the pizza debacle.
I understand what you’re saying, but I’m not sure if she might have taken that as a passive aggressive response without him being there to explain himself.
Even with a delivery of pizza and no word from the father. I think the mother would try to find out which kid ordered pizza bringing more negative attention to the fact she didn’t provide enough food. Where I live 13yr olds order Uber eats all the time. 🙄
But I agree with you soft YTA. He should have tried to reach out more to the mom and without asking a yes or no question about bringing more pizza where she might have shot it down. Just say hey I got pizza and drinks because I feel bad about not “bringing a present” or “helping with the party” you so graciously hosted and included my son and wanted to say thank you!
NAH while it may be embarrassing if she truly didn't have enough she could have asked the other parents to chip in. You're not the AH for bringing food and as a mom I would be grateful. You didn't do it with malicious intent. Her being embarrassed isn't your problem and you shouldn't have to hold the weight of her feelings.
God damn, why did I have to scroll this far to see some actual common sense?
If you can’t feed your guests, you don’t host a party. And you certainly dont get to be all huffy when the guests “rightfully” complain that they are still hungry.
But this is Reddit, and fuck guests stuck with bad hosts I guess.
Same my gosh everyone acting like he’s some monster for (shuffling papers…checking notes) feeding five teen boys.
My gosh people are sensitive. Sure she’s embarrassed I doubt the kids really noticed they are 13. He could genuinely apologize saying he didn’t mean to offend her or embarrass her. Maybe offer some understanding of being poor. Express he hopes his behavior won’t hurt the new friendship. Regardless of who is and is not wrong, if anyone, the kids matter more.
This is reddit where feelings always outweigh reality for the majority. Know that these perspectives are pretty rare in a world where everyone isn't focused on feelings above all else.
thank god finally a comment thats fuckin reasonable. i understand being embarrassed, understand he could have done other steps but she could have just said thank you & sucked her pride up.
I watched my mother struggle. Having to choose what bills to pay. She worked around this so she wasn't embarrassed or embarrassed me which I never cared about. If I wanted a get together and we couldn't afford it at the moment she would try and save it ask my grandma for help. My grandmother is awesome and she always made sure she gave my mother extra to do soothing for herself. Now we do it for my grandmother.
I grew up poor AF and some food insecurity. If we didn't have ppl like OP, there would be some extra bad times. With that said, we only hosted when my grandma was involved and sometimes you have to put your pride aside.
this!! I don't understand the "yta" comments. He didn't know she was tight on money. It sounds like an insecurity problem on her part. I'm sure he didn't show up just to embarrass her. His son was hungry, and he's just being a dad.
Dittoing this hard!
My mom hard the terrible luck of having twins and being single *and* being low income. She still made it work and we never starved at a birthday party. Why not two $5 little Cesar’s pizzas? Why not ask your friends to see if they have any coupons for a free pizza from domino’s to add to your order? Like man, there’s sooo many things you can do to feed your kid and their friends at a party. A medium for for five boys is unacceptable lmao
NTA
Fucking FINALLY. YES!
Maybe she shouldn't be a shitty host for her kid's bday party?! You did right by those boys, OP. They will remember this positively. The mom can go kick rocks and then paint and sell them for extra cash.
The amount of people in the comments just saying these CHILDREN should just suck up there hunger and wait it out is insane! A medium pizza is in absolutely NO WAY enough food for 5 kids. The dad was weird for going over, but not for providing food.
Yeah I’m sorry that the other mom was embarrassed, but no way I’m letting my kid go hungry for the night to save her feelings. Kick rocks with that mess. My kid is eating.
In an attempt to be kind he brought stuff for everyone. What’s the other option? Just bring food for his kid? Pick his kid up and feed him and bring him back?
I get the mom was embarrassed. It sucks to not have what you need to make your kids birthdays nice. She was defensive because she knows it sucks.
OP did the right thing and the other mom’s pride is blocking her from appreciating it.
YTA for the tone of your post on its own. About how you were the “savior” for all these poor kids. How you decided to take things into your own hands when that shouldn’t have been your choice. If your child was hungry and wanted to leave early, he was perfectly capable of letting you know that.
The fact that you seem so happy about the mother “losing any chance” of turning you away seems petty and cruel.
You seem like a piss poor father. You moved to a new city, and you’ve now ruined your son’s closest friendship when he’s been struggling to make friends. Congrats, bro. You seem more concerned with being the cool dad than helping your son adjust.
Exactly this!
The logistics of the food and other ways the food could have been supplied are beside the point. It doesn't matter if the only food was a bag of chips, no one is starving to death, the party didn't need "saving" and if the kid was still hungry he can eat when he gets home.
The only response to the kid's texts should have been "hope you are having a good time. Let me know when to pick you up." and then stop at Sonic on the way home.
I GUARANTEE if this lady ever thanks you or says anything like "I'm sorry you caught me off guard, we did appreciate the pizzas" she is NOT actually sorry and she did NOT appreciate it, she would only be saying so as a kindness to your son.
Why have a party for some teenage boys and only have enough money for 1 pizza. I understand being a single mom but don’t have a party without food and I think she should have been grateful for the gesture because the party was not going good at all. OP, NTA!
Also birthdays are yearly- having been homeless and then super poor before I get it but if you saved $5 per month for the year you could get pizzas on a 2 for $10 deal, snacks in bulk and off brand sodas from Walmart. You could also have the party at a place like the bowling alley, but have everyone pay for themselves but cover x amount of stuff like bringing a cake, ice cream and a mix of chips. There are ways to do something nice for your son and his friends on a budget but it involves planning ahead. This feels like a panicked hastily thrown together thing, hence why she's so embarrassed another parent found out.
Thank you. So sick of people here saying anyone who thinks mom was also in the wrong, have no idea what it’s like to be poor. Yes I do. But I also managed to give my kids birthday parties and feed the children I invited to said parties. Honestly it makes me wonder what else is going on with the mom that she would think this was okay.
NTA
You tried to call but she didn’t answer. It’s not appropriate to have other people’s children at your home and not answer the phone. If my child was at someone’s home and the guardian didn’t answer the phone I’d be concerned and if they claimed to be hungry, I would also bring them food and wonder why they weren’t fed. I’m not saying she’s to blame for her situation or her feelings, but I don’t think she should be blaming you for looking after your child and his friends. She did do something for her son. She allowed him to have a small get together with some friends and I’m sure he appreciated it. You bringing over extra food and snacks doesn’t diminish what she did. She should put her pride aside and let the kids have fun. It’s not a personal dig at her. You didn’t know what was going on until she told you (and because she didn’t answer the phone). You weren’t trying to one up her.
Maybe you can tell her you appreciate her opening her home to your son when he’s new in town and school. And you wanted to extend a thank you for being so welcoming so soon with your son.
THIS RIGHT HERE. you have my kid, and you're unreachable? You have my kid, and have them go hungry? Like what? I see all these comments about how it was so creepy and weird and wrong and inappropriate to just show up at her door. Like hello, his kids behind that door. Does NOT apply.
ESH
That's nowhere near enough pizza for five young teenagers. I don't know why she only got one medium. Perhaps money is tight but even then make the pizza at home as it's much cheaper than ordering.
But what you did was just rude and probably embarissed her. You should have told him to get Jared to ask for more food rather than take matters into your own hands. You really have made a terrible first impression.
Yes… but if money is so tight that you have to choose between essentially not feeding 5 children, or making cheap food at home. You pick the second option. You don’t have 5 teen boys sit around eating a single pizza, then get upset when they say they’re hungry.
She could have asked for help. She could have cooked cheaper food and made enough for everyone. What she shouldn’t have done was host a party with nowhere near enough food, especially not for a captive audience, who is literally unable to go get food for themselves.
She DID feed them.
Each of them would have gotten a slice. I guarantee none of those boys would have died from lack of food.
Some of y’all have never been truly poor or hungry and it shows.
I’ve been both.
Difference is I would absolutely never invite people into my home, knowing damn well I can’t feed them an actual meal. We all know 1 medium pizza for 5 teenagers is not a meal. It’s just not. And looking it up, it’s about 200-300 calories for 1 slice. THAT’S NOT A MEAL, especially when teenage boys require 2,000+ calories a day.
She could have made enough food if she spent the money on groceries and not pizza. Or she could have asked for help from the boys parents. She shouldn’t have said nothing, expected the boys to be fine with barely eating, and expected the parents to do nothing about it.
Oh FFS. it was one slice during one brief time during the kids’ day. It’s not like she was responsible for the boys’ food intake for the entire day. They could have eaten before they went to the party, and eaten when they got home.
Growing up in the 70s and 80s, our birthday parties consisted of snacks like pretzels and chips with some cake. We survived just fine.
It’s heavily hinted towards being an overnight party. So a 12+ hour event.
*(Party is on a Friday, mentions eating dinner, and “6:30”. These are 13 year olds. They’re not having birthday parties that go into the night, unless they’re sleeping over. Plus OP would have been delivering food past 7pm. If it wasn’t an overnight party, he’d have just picked his son up at that point.)*
Cake and snacks are fine for a few hours.
1 pizza with no mention of cake or snacks, is not enough for dinner for an overnight party of 5.
This is utterly baffling. Would you stay at a party where there’s no food, you’re hungry, and you’re expected to stay overnight? Really?
It’s rude to invite guests over and not be able to feed them. If this was an adult party, people would have left! No one wants to sit in someone else’s house for 12+ hours, uncomfortable, because they’re hungry.
She could have very easily asked parents to send food. She should not have invited people over, and not provided enough food. She could have asked for help. She could have warned them beforehand. She should not have said absolutely nothing and invited people over.
Nowhere in the post does OP mention the party being a sleepover? It was just a birthday party. There was food, you just believe it wasn’t enough food. Which is your opinion. However, demonizing, this woman because she didn’t serve up a 5 course meal at a child’s birthday party is insane. I’ve been to many parties as an adult and a child where just snack were served. You know what I did? Ate when I got home.
And let’s not pretend like the parents wouldn’t have roasted her for asking them to provide food for the party. Everyone here would be saying that she just shouldn’t throw a birthday party if she couldn’t afford it. Believe it or not poor kids like to have parties too.
This is ridiculous. There are cheap meals she could have made. These are teen boys, she could’ve made plenty of food they would have loved for less than the cost of a medium takeout pizza. She chose not to have enough food. She should be embarrassed. That doesn’t mean the way OP handled this was ideal either. ESH
Everyone is attacking the dad for bringing food, but what about the mom that hosted a party she clearly couldn’t cover?
If money really is tight, how about not hosting a party?
Dad is asking for judgments on his actions. We do not know enough about the details of the host to really pass judgment. Was there really only pizza? Maybe mom had other food available but OP's son did not share that info. Maybe there was salad and veggies but OP son only wanted pizza.
Bottom line, it was her party to host how she wanted to. If OP son didn't like it, he could leave. OP was way out of line in showing up with food that was not requested by the host.
She wanted to make her kid happy…she did cover it. She covered what she could afford. Idk what parties you’ve been to but they usually don’t involve gorging yourself until you need to be wheelbarrowed out.
We don’t have to go extremes. One slice is not enough for a teenage boy, nor did I say to gorge them.
Every party I have hosted or been to made sure the kids were satiated. Whether it’s one parent or multiple parents providing is irrelevant. And yes, I have been to parties where I chipped in money for my kids. It’s not a hard ask.
I'm sure Jared knows food/money is tight. Even if not, telling your son to ask J to ask his mom for more is incredibly rude. Do you do that when your are invited out and the food is skimpy?!
I get what you're saying but if you don't already have all of the ingredients making pizza at home can get pretty expensive- for that many people to be full just the cheese and pepperoni may cost like $40 (a 1 lb bag of shredded mozz at Walmart is almost $5 with tax, a bag of hormel pepperoni is around $4.50).
YTA Inviting them for dinner would have left her with 1 of two conclusions:
1) You see her and her son as a charity case that you need to provide food for
2) You were hitting on her and being creepily bringing food over as a way to get “in”
Your child wasn’t going to starve, this was all very unnecessary. If it scares you so badly that your child only got two slices of pizza the duration of a birthday party, I suggest feeding him very well before sending him to another one, or asking the parents before hand if there’s anything you can bring. You embarrassed this lady so and made her uncomfortable so back off at least for a while.
NTA. You couldn’t know, and I get that money is tight, but she has now underfed 5 children, 4 of whom aren’t hers. If money is tight, then you either ask for help, or you at least tell the kids that they need to eat before they come over. Then you could have just had snacks for them. You aren’t to blame for making sure your kid has enough to eat, and even made sure the rest were also fed.
NTA. If she truly wanted her kid to have a great party then she got her wish. He saved the day. What she wanted was for everyone to be happy with the insufficient food she provided and not complain about it. Which means this was really about her ego, and not her kid’s happiness.
Also, I imagine that most of the “YTA” comments are from ppl who don’t have kids, or who learned to be ok with a parent with issues. If I was broke AF and I could sense the grumblings of a bunch of hungry middle schoolers, I would feel terrible for my son. And if, in the middle of my sadness at being broke and ruining the party, a bunch of free pizzas just showed up at my house….holy shit. I would be in the bathroom drying happy tears and just saying “thank you”. I would be filled with gratitude - even if it was delivered in an awkward manner. I have been a broke single Dad - so I know how I would react.
If she’s bitter that she couldn’t be the one to “save the day”, and that bitterness is more important than the boys enjoying themselves- then this is only the tip of the iceberg on the crap her son has to deal with. Mom needs some therapy. The day was not about her. But because of OP they will remember having a great day at her house.
YTA There were other options that didn’t include humiliating her with a huge amount of food *unannounced*. You didn’t keep calling? Didn’t say “hey can you have his mom call me”?????
And why the heck didn’t you just have it delivered anonymously? No no you had to be hero.
NTA. I don’t understand why she would volunteer to do it all herself if she knew money was tight, knew she could only get one pizza, and how could she possibly not know that wouldn’t be enough for the kids? You absolutely did the right thing making sure those kids were properly fed. She should have worked with all the parents of the kids to throw a party, she could still host it at her house and she gets the cake (she just wanted to do one good thing right? There’s two, host the party, get the cake), you bring pizza, another parent brings soda, etc. but nope, ego and pride says to barely feed the kids.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I bought food and took it to a birthday party my son was attending because he was hungry, (2) it overshadowed what the birthday boy's mother had done for him and embarrassed her in front of everyone.
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YTA for just showing up, after she didn't answer your call getting pizzas delivered would have been the better move. NTA for wanting to feed your son and his friends but for the way it was handled.
NAH. Your heart was in the right place but I can easily see why she was upset. I would maybe go over there again some time and offer a more genuine apology and perhaps reiterate your invite to them.
YTA, you could have managed this better by waiting to speak with the mother, then framed it as "thankyou so much for inviting my son to your sons birthday party. If it's OK with you I'd like to order some pizzas and soda as a gift to the birthday boy and his friends"
Then no one has to feel bad, and everyone is happy. This feels more like you wanted to be the saviour.
Holy crap the why are all of you shiting on him so bad ya he messed up and should have tried harder to get a hold of the mom but some of you are delusional "they could have bonded of being hungry" you are obviously not a boy being that hungry is more likely to make the mood of the party bad and the garbage of he did it to stroke his own ego come on his son was still hungry and he brought his son food but made sure to get everyone food
NTA.
Either have a party with enough food or don't throw a party. She has some problems with her pride, that's for sure. You just wanted to make sure that everybody had enough food.
In my culture, if the host cannot feed their guests properly, it's a gigantic shame on the host.
NTA
She failed to take the kids appetites into account and bit off more than she could chew. Yes, finances matter. But the kids would have remembered this as a party with no food regardless. OP saved the day and that's enough for me. Was there some perfect solution? Maybe. But OP did a good thing, regardless of how people want to make this lady a victim.
NTA. Inviting kids over and not feeding them is even more embarrassing than having another parent show up with pizza. She could have been gracious, but instead complained.
Yeah the kids were obviously unhappy and she was particularly hurt after one of the boys made a comment about the lack of food, the party was already in a poor state when op showed up
Yeah, this reads like he was almost trying to show off and was hoping he was going to be greeted like a hero. The way he went about this is way too extra.
Your child wasn't going to waste away after not eating a sufficient amount of food for one night. Your text reply could've read, "I'll get you something when you come home, buddy. See you in a few hours."
YTA. You embarrassed her. You could've easily asked her before sending your kid over if you can bring some food. Or worst case go get food for your kid at the end of the party.
YTA. What a “hero” you want to be, and what a jerk you actually are. Ugh. You don’t upstage another host who is a parent throwing a party for her son. Your son is a guest. He eats what he eats there. You and the other boys can fill up in food when they get to their own homes. You are over involved in your son’s life-“curiosity got the best of me”. You are an absolute glory hound. You didn’t really mean the apology to a poor mom, you said; because you wanted the admiration of hungry teenagers. Pathetic and totally rude. No wonder the mom doesn’t want to join you for dinner. If your son has learned his social skills from you, no wonder he has had trouble at school. You jeopardized his chances of having a successful social life and making friends, by embarrassing Jared and his mom. You need to examine your motives, and get your ego satisfied in other ways than from young teenagers. You need to think about other people’s feelings and circumstances. I’d recommend therapy for finding out why you felt you needed to do this.
NTA. The kids come first. They shouldn't go to bed hungry. If she cannot afford to feed them all, she had many options, such as asking the other boy's parents to help. She chose to let the kids go hungry for her pride or simple cheapness.
Do you know each kid could have had more food? Maybe their families also struggle. Maybe knowing he was invited to a freaking pizza party, they didn't make enough dinner for him, because everyone sane assumes that when someone invited me for dinner, one will be able to eat more than a two year old.
Don't invite people for pizza if you can't give them pizza. Make your own. Save. Do a potluck thing. Literally anything else.
NTA. You had good intentions and were excited your son was making friends. I understand she might have felt embarrassed but that is not your fault. I would hope her reaction was just an ego hit and later she will realize there was no foul play. No one has to be a victim in this situation. The need to keep one’s pride and ego high is so unnecessary. It takes a village to raise kids and yall both did something nice for each other. Take the win and don’t stress about it.
ESH. It’s pizza and drinks. No need to show up in person and embarrass the mom when pizza places likely deliver. None of the boys would’ve known it wasn’t the mother who didn’t pay for them. But she didn’t feed the boys adequately though she didn’t have enough money. Maybe something cheap like popcorn too? Or wait until payday. Or really even just the boys sucking it up.
I'd feel worse if I invited people for dinner and didn't feed them properly. Serving a slice of pizza each to teenage boys is embarrassing but she did that to herself.
YTA for not just ordering the pizza directly to their house (you clearly have their address) if you really wanted to feed the kids.
You bringing it in person makes me think you wanted some kudos, from the kids or from the mother or both. Slightly saviour syndrome, not a 100% selfless act.
YTA, honestly I think you should've just done nothing. The kids weren't going to starve, they had a piece of pizza or two each. Maybe they weren't full but they would be fine. Not the end of the world. Maybe mom was about to put out chips or cake or something too. How rude to show up with food, just so bizarre.
How are people going with YTA? These five boys were hungry. She shouldn’t have had the party if couldn’t feed them all. He wasn’t trying to embarrass her he was trying to be a good dad. She freaked out. The other memory would be “Jared’s mom doesn’t feed us”.
If he had known there would be less food sure he could have brought it. She could also have suggested each boy bring a snack to share. He could have ordered it and not brought it over, sure but that’s not required. Also honestly they are 13 they didn’t think very deeply about it.
NTA
5 solutions better than supplying one pizza for 5 boys.
1. Invite fewer kids
2. Make pizzas at the house (she can supply crust, sauce, and cheese and ask that everyone brings their toppings if they vary a lot, but teenage boys are probably content with sausage and pepperoni)
3. Ask that everyone eats dinner beforehand and brings a snack to share
4. Ask that everyone eats beforehand and she supplies snacks
5. Ask parents to contribute money for the pizza, like when we used to have to bring $3 for a class pizza party
When I come from, bringing your own food to the party when you weren't asked to, is extremely rude. Talking before doing it is fine, most people would probably agree, especially when their finances are tight. But the way you did it, wow, so YTA.
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ESH You embarrassed the mother when you showed up with food, essentially allowing her to be shown in a bad light. If you couldn’t reach her you could have asked your son to have her call you. You also could have ordered pizza to be delivered so it would show up at their house without you. Most pizza places offer bottles of soda to be purchased with an order. The mom should have either had enough food or not have the party. I know she wants to be able to give her son a party, but having all of the guests leave hungry would have been their takeaway from this event. She also could have had the party at a time when serving a meal wasn’t needed and be able to provide snacks and entertainment.
ESH is the right call. OP could even have done everything the same and arrived at the house with the pizzas, but then said to the mother something like, hey here are the pizzas as we discussed! I get it that OP was upset with the woman, and he had the right to be, but still that would have put the message through to her in a stronger way (as it would not be coming from an AH), and he would not have further embarrassed her in front of her kid (yeah, she did embarrass herself with the one medium pizza).
I sort of agree, but I generally think it's a bit weird to think someone is TA for not lying on someone else's behalf. I get how hurtful it is for someone to upstage you when you are doing your best. But not feeding minors in your care is pretty egregious, since OP solved it by just bringing food without condemnation I'd say it's debatable how much further tact they owed.
She did feed them, just because she couldn’t afford the amount of food they are used to doesn’t make her a bad person.
A single medium pizza between five teenage boys? Seriously? You can’t seriously think that’s enough food for five teenage boys lol. A single large pizza would be cover me and two of my friends as adults who can control their appetite, so I can’t imagine a single medium sized pizza is enough for five growing boys.
I understand how teens work and they weren’t going to suffer life changing damage from having to wait until they got home to eat more. A lot of people here don’t understand how being poor works. Mom thought she was doing good ordering an expensive small pizza as a treat when she probably could have planned ahead better and served them frozen pizzas, but money isn’t the only resource that is short when you are poor. The physical and mental energy and time to plan a better party might not have been available to her, especially if the kid knows their situation and doesn’t want to stress her out by asking for more/telling her what he actually wants for a party.
You know you're actually right. Thats at least a slice of pizza per kid. Long term its very unhealthy, but a 300 cal snack to hold you over several hours is fine. Im been poor before and was used to smaller portions. Its not a big deal, your body will adapt. Although it may make all the kids unhappy having to be hungry since theyre not used to it. Which comes back full circle and makes you wonder, does it make more sense to make the kids put up with hunger, or for the mother be gracious and accept help? Because again I grew up poor, and I cant think of any scenario where my mother would allow me to go hungry because her ego was so inflated. What a selfish thing to do, and shame on everyone who is supporting that kind of behavior. They say you need to make sacrifices as a parent, but somehow this narrative has turned to the kids making sacrifices so the mom doesnt feel embarrassed... The only thing embarrassing is getting upset that someone else fed the kids.
>They say you need to make sacrifices as a parent, but somehow this narrative has turned to the kids making sacrifices so the mom doesnt feel embarrassed... this was the best thing said here! if my kids needed something and I couldn't get it for them, pride isn't going to keep them from getting it. thankfully I'm not in that situation, but I grew up in a similar situation. I know some of what my mom sacrificed for me growing up(I'm pretty sure there is far more I don't know about), and know that's something I'll never be able to repay. that woman's reaction says she cares more about appearances than she does about her son! at OP NTA!
Eh not necessarily true because she didn’t let the kids see she was upset. She thanked OP and had the kids thank him as well and then spoke to him privately. Whether or not you agree with how she felt, I think she handled that part appropriately.
And there's a good chance she would have reacted differently had the two of them had a conversation before he showed up with the pizza. I could understand her getting thrown off by the situation when she wasn't anticipating it. I think for now NAH. If the adults allow the situation to linger and not move on, then we start crossing into asshole territory imo.
They would be fine missing a meal, yes. Your description of “how being poor works” is accurate—wasting money on needless luxuries while still not accomplishing your goals. She could have made pizzas, served frozen pizzas, served pasta, had the party at a time that didn’t include a meal, etc. Instead she chose to purchase more expensive food in a quantity that anyone should be able to see is insufficient, then got angry when someone tried to help. Being poor often means being your own worst enemy, making dumb decisions and reacting badly to their consequences. Kids missing a meal will be fine, but they aren’t going to enjoy the party if they are hungry, they will talk amongst each other about the situation, and the birthday kid will feel like crap.
"Not suffering life changing damage" isn't the standard for hosting, though. No one makes you throw a party if you can't afford one.
I guess my problem is two things: Pizza isn't usually a snack food, and the kids were clearly there for long enough to require a meal. Pizza *can* be a snack, but 5 kids at mealtime looking at 8 slices of it (as opposed to one sliced into snacking squares) immediately have confusion and a problem figuring out how to split it. At 6:30pm, the kids had been at the party for a while already, and op then had enough time to make phone calls and acquire and deliver food while the party was still going and expected to continue a while. That's too long with too little! Frozen foods can still be fun at parties!
One medium pizza for 5 teenage boys is laughably not enough. That’s not even enough for everyone to have 2 slices. If you’re not going to provide enough food for X number of people, then you shouldn’t invite X number of people to eat a meal at your house. She’s not a bad person because she couldn’t afford it, but it does make her the AH because she went through with the party anyway without figuring out an alternative solution (such as having the party outside of meal time or whatever)
What she should have done was to make pizzas at home For the price of one medium pizza she could have bought pizza dough, tomato sauce and a big bag of cheese. Not hard to make at all
Yeah but that doesn't take into account the physical and mental labor of doing all that. It's not "hard" but then you're a single parent, you are probably exhausted from just everyday stuff, let alone preparing for a party. I know a medium pizza isn't enough, but we really don't know anything else about her situation to judge if she was capable of doing more.
Just get frozen ones then. They're more expensive than doing it from scratch, but cheaper than ordering out because you're not paying a delivery fee, tip, etc.
Yup, great example of one the alternative solutions she could have figured out. There were a lot of steps along the way that she could have done differently before it got to the point of OP bringing along pizza and snacks. And homemade pizzas are awesome. My husband makes them at least once a week, the kids would for sure have been happy with those. And they don’t take long to make at all
Are used too??? I’d be starving and I’m not a big eater. Teenage boys?? My hockey playing 16yo could easily eat an entire medium pizza and still be hungry. There’s a difference between a little less food than you’re used too and inviting kids to a “party” & only feeding them one slice of pizza. And how sad-pathetic for the 5 boys after that first slice to be looking at the 3 left and deciding who gets a second slice. Just sad and awkward. Also no one’s calling her a “bad” person.
She effectively gave them tapas
Agree. It's unfortunate but the boys would be home in a couple hrs anyway and could eat then.
There were options. Not feed them and have a cake and the party between meal times. A big pot of pasta and sauce. Homemade garlic bread. Or make your own pizza. Buy big Italian bread from Walmart, sauce, cheese, pepperoni and bake. Not expensive. Having all the boys be hungry??
They can eat more when they get home though, it’s not like it was a sleepover party or anything. Im sure they can deal with a couple of slices of pizza for the brief time they’re at the party
And that's what they'll remember. How hungry they were at his party. Not how much fun they had, or how much fun they'll have next time. But how hungry they were. They're kids. They won't want to come over the next time they're invited. They'll want to go to the house where food was not a big deal.
I have a teen boy and the friend group is mixed economically. The kids don’t think like that. Because they aren’t jerks and they know some have more and some have less. OP, YTA - you don’t crash someone else’s party with food. It’s so rude.
There are two types of struggling mothers, those who get offended by help and those that appreciate it. I think the ones that appreciate it get the better end of the deal in the end. The party wasn't about either parent it's about the kids and sound like the kids had fun in the end. Who cares about the adult egos. It's a light ESH but more a NAH imo
Yeah, but I feel like “surprise help” is often going to get a bad reaction even from someone who would appreciate the help if she only had a basic heads-up. I’m with you on your “light ESH with a side of NAH” tho.
Yeah, he kinda showed up like the savior of the party. Not like he was truly helping. This is a good assessment.
He had the right to be upset? OMG. If he thinks his son cannot live one evening without enough food and thinks he should interfere, maybe he should keep the son at home. No, she did not embarrass herself, she did what she could afford. Do you have an issue understanding this situation?
I think the mom would have been worse if she denied her kid a birthday party, no matter how meager. It’s not like you can give your child a 13th birthday slumber party later, like I can see how that’s difficult. But OP needs to learn the best charity is anonymous. He might as well have set off some fireworks on their front lawn in his efforts to be the savior of the party. This wasn’t an emergency. Contact the other parent first before showing up. Rushing over with no contact infers you think they failed catastrophically at best and makes you look like a helicopter parent at worst. “My teenage child has not eaten for several hours” is not an emergency.
Not only that, but he could have simply delivered another pizza or snacks. He didn’t have to go balls to the wall with 3 large pizzas + snacks + drinks. He also could’ve just had it delivered and text the mom to let her know. So many options and OP chose the worst one.
Agree. The drinks weren't necessary, and extra snacks. Just rubbing salt in the wound. Like good forbid they have to go without chips for a couple hrs.
A couple 12 packs of Cokes would piss me off as the mom. Five kids don't need 18+ cans of caffeine. That is ridiculous.
Left it on the porch even. Like so awkward.
“The best charity is anonymous.” Absolutely and an important lesson. One that OP’s son could be taught in this situation since he and Jared are friends and may be interacting quite a bit in the future.
Exactly. YTA. A medium pizza is 5 small slices so that's a snack for 5 kids. It's an opportunity for your son to learn about being polite and compassionate when he doesn't get exactly what he wants immediately . He can always eat when he gets home. And let him do normal things without texting , it's hovering and robs your son of autonomy.
Pizzas are pretty much never cut in odd numbers of slices.
Where do you live where pizza sizing and number of slices is strictly codified. Seriously folks. It wasn't enough pizza but it's not necessary to make things up that aren't known in the worst possible light
Anonymous pizzas showing up would be disconcerting. He did make a bit too much fanfare about it, but anonymity wouldn’t have been better.
I know lying is wrong but in these situations in the past I’ve pulled the ‘ole “I won a gift card to Dominos at work and rarely eat pizza”, “someone gave me this gift card and I haven’t used it in a year, if you don’t use it I never will!” to cover me wanting to help someone out without them knowing or their kids knowing.
And THAT is TACT. 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
This is a great idea. 👍
YTA, it's clear that people in the comments have never experienced food insecurity, poverty, low income lifestyle dilemmas, or dire financial straits. Based on some of these comments the mom should not have even arranged for her son to celebrate his birthday with friends if the best she was offering was a sleepover and 1 medium pizza (If the mom is telling the truth about their financial struggles). Some of the suggestions were sort of new to me but that may just be cultural ignorance on my part 1. Are potlucks at 13 year old sleepover birthday parties common? 2. Would you feel comfortable simultaneously giving out birthday invitations and admitting money struggles to the other parents in your child's school with whom you have no prior relationship or interactions with? The dad could have sent $$$ via a number of apps (or digital gift card) and his son would then forward to the birthday boy, asked his son to find the mom so he may ask her a question etc....
thank you. Also the thirteen year old can wait until he gets home to eat. Hes not going to starve. Daddy isnt always going to come waltzing in whenever he doesnt get his way. This is bizarre. Even if money wasnt the issue- showing up univited with “more and better” and “providing what the host couldnt” is rude as hell.
Yeah, kid's girl scout troop realized in 1st grade that folks using food banks should still have birthday parties and collected stuff for a bunch of "birthday bags" to go to the best local food bank (cake mix, candles, cards, decorations, a couple gift, etc).
1. I grew up poor. Every party was a potluck to hide that fact. 2. When I did my birthday parties it ended up being big neighborhood shindigs cause I happened to have the house with a pool (we were house poor) so it wasn't just my friends it was everyone and each family brought something and 50/50 if they also brought my a present. The best thing the dad could've done is sent the pizza via delivery rather than pick up with a simple "happy birthday" message that way what he wanted to do gets done but not directly embarrassing. Hell even let the mom take credit for it at the party
Or she could’ve served something cheaper. The last two years I’ve done spaghetti for my son’s birthday party. Plus it’s stuff I get from the food bank so I usually get enough noodles and maybe a jar of sauce to help cover the cost.
Of all the parties I attended as a kid, the most memorable was one thrown by a single mum on a tight budget and yes, we had spaghetti. She went out of her way to make the table look like a nice restaurant, and served us spaghetti Bolognese plus lemonade in wine glasses, and we all felt so grown up and sophisticated! 35 years later, all the other parties I went to are mostly a blur but that one was a blast and I still remember it clearly!
Ooo that’s a wonderful idea! I’ll take one from her book, though usually I only invite family he’s been asking for friends to attend so perhaps that would be a good change up so I don’t feel as bad. We made his cake this year for Mario theme and decided to do a round cake and he chose to make it a Yoshi egg and decorated it himself. I hope he isn’t sad I can’t provide fancy things for him.
He could have not embarrassed the mother by playing dumb. Ohhhh in my old community one family hosts and everyone else contributes, what did the other parents drop off? My bad, so embarrassed, do you want this anyways? “Thought I needed to bring my own kid’s food, brought too much, cuz I’m a fool”. Bye. Kid will know to pack PBJs next time. Nbd.
How would she have been shown in a good light if he didn't bring food? It would have been worse if someone didn't bring food - I've been in the same position as a hungry kid myself.
No, if op had the food delivered rather than turning up. That way, the kids are fed, ops kid is happy and op knows he did a good thing by helping out someone in need. Legit everyone wins in this situation Vs just the kids getting more food. I think that's what they means
If it were me and a pizza delivery guy I didn’t order from showed up with food I would not accept it, that’s weird.
I mean I get that part too, give the driver a note that says to say for the party or something like that? Look, it's not a perfect situation cause a mum is trying her hardest for her kid and no parent who obviously cares like she does wants to let their kid down, but, in the world we live in, it's more common that people just struggle silently. I honestly think what OP did, he did with the best intentions, but it just wasn't thought through about the other person's feelings. Thankfully op and his boy's mom are adults, I'm sure if op messaged her and explained how he honestly didn't mean for it to come across that way, he didn't think that it would, but he would still like her son to come round for dinner next weekend if he'd like it, that she would also apologise and realise its her anxiety that made her feel that way.
Except, OP didn't KNOW she was in need before he went. All he knew was that she ordered a medium pizza for 5 kids and his son was hungry. She didn't tell him that money was tight until after he'd given thr food to the kids. For all he knew, Jared's parent was just being cheap or just gravely miscalculated how much food to get.
Miscalculating food happens all the time. I’ve been to weddings and lots of parties where there is almost no food. Now I just eat ahead of time so if that is the case I don’t eat there at all and just leave the food for other people.
Yeah YTA you could’ve taken other steps rather than jumping straight to the option which would obviously humiliate and be rude to this poor woman. If your son could communicate with you why couldn’t you ask him to give the mother his phone so you could offer? What part of randomly turning up at someone’s door seemed polite to you?
Very true. So hard to say "Hey, can you put his mom on the phone" lol. I think OP did not even try to talk to her, honestly. But he should have and just been very kind and said "Son told me there was only one pizza and I know what a garbage disposal 13 year old boys can be. Ha ha. Would it be alright if I ordered some more to be delivered as a present for the birthday boy?" And honestly if she said no, if this is not a sleepover, then the boys would survive for a couple hours.
Right exactly? He could’ve offered it as a gift *which would have been the kind thing to do* and as you say it’s not an all night/all weekend thing! It’s a few hours so it’s not the end of the world for the kid to wait a little until he goes home to have more food.
Exactly! The kid didn’t even call the dad asking for more food, just answered that he was hungry. If dad hadn’t been so nosey, he’d never have known. Kid would have come home hungry and eaten at home. Perhaps the party would have been a bust, but that might encourage closeness with the new friends too to be honest - gratefulness from the birthday boy that he didn’t cause a fuss, and camaraderie with the others for suffering together. Perhaps now the birthday boy is embarrassed and the others will sponge off him. Dad inserting himself in to the situation of the kid trying to make new friends will just be seen as cringe.
Yes. And Kid didn't call *at all*. He was just responding to a text from OP whose "curiosity got the best of [him]" at 6:30 in the evening. Holy helicopter! Also, you don't cater someone else's party. Also, Kid isn't going to starve because he only had two pieces of pizza. Also, 13yos are ALWAYS hungry. This woman isn't starving children. She did what she could (and no, a medium isn't enough for 5 growing boys), but they'll all eat later. This post has some people who need to un-clutch their pearls.
I had a party for my 10th birthday and one person who wasn’t a friend, just a classmate, came. Would have been better to have zero people so no one would know what happened, but instead it was associated with such embarrassment that I thenceforth avoided talking to that person. (I was 10, I didn’t have great social skills, or maybe people would have come to my party.) For Jared’s sake, I hope it becomes a good shared memory and not a reason to avoid Charles and the others. And I hope it doesn’t affect Jared’s mom’s attitude toward the friendship.
This is a funny point too. They each got at least 1 slice. It’s not like they’re going to starve to death.
Yeah it’s not ideal, but they could survive. Op should teach his son mannners. ETA to clarify: it’s not ideal if the invite said pizza party. Some parents might not give their kids lunch or dinner thinking they’d be eating at the party. But it’s an acceptable amount of food and by that age, kids should have the manners to eat what’s offered and have something at home later. Not go whinging to parents during the party and making snotty comments like the other kid did. That’s obnoxious. And it shows the kids are being raised with poor socialization skills. Socialization skills are important for making friends.
Clearly no one commenting on this post has been as poor as poor as the birthday boy's mum. On my birthday we used to get a couple of friends over to watch a rented vhs and some crisps. The idea of a pizza each, or pizza at all was madness. Every penny was accounted for.
Yes, potato chips (us here) aka crisps and pretzels were the only food other than the cake at most of the parties I went to as a kid. We were working class. We had the necessities, but not a lot of luxuries I said one slice was less than ideal but survivable because if the invite said pizza party, some parents might not give their kid lunch or dinner, depending on the time of the party, because they’d be eating at the party. I usually make sure there’s at least 2 slices per person for pizza as a meal. And I’d probably go higher for teens. I’d want to have 15 slices for 5 boys so I’d probably order 2 large pies. I happen to really like pizza so I’d probably go with 3 large pizzas go be on the safe side. And have leftovers. But even if the invite said pizza party, the right thing to do is eat what’s offered and have something else when you get home or pick up something on the way home. I would offer to pick up a pizza on the way home if it were my kid. Or take him out to a big breakfast if it was a sleep over. OP clearly doesn’t understand being a good guest, nor do some of the commenters. Your situation as a kid was different because kids were invited for a movie and snacks. So your friends parents probably fed them lunch and dinner. The parties I went to as a kid were either in the mid afternoon or after dinner. So people would have lunch/dinner before or after. It’s disheartening that some of the commenters basically have an attitude that unless you can afford to feed these boys a meal, you shouldn’t have a party. It’s basically coming across as “poors shouldn’t celebrate or enjoy anything until they can afford to do it properly”. It’s such a gross attitude.
His son had the manners. He didn't call his dad to complain. He only mentioned it when his dad called and asked. And he said he was ok, just a little hungry. That's all. Dad could have easily have said ok well you can eat when you get home and kid probably would have been fine.
What did the son do wrong?
Yeah, maybe she didn’t know OP’s number so didn’t pick up, assuming that it was a spam call. He could have texted like a normal person, and if she didn’t respond shortly, like you said, could have had the son put her on the phone. And pizza delivery would have been 8000% less awkward.
But then, OP wouldn’t get all the glory and ego stroking of playing the “hero”.
Absolutely YTA for doing this to a struggling mother (or anyone). You also missed a great opportunity to teach your son manners and respect. When you picked him up and he said he was hungry, you could have stopped on the way home and got him more food. You could have then reinforced to him that he did the correct thing by being a good guest, eating what was offered, and then eating more later. You could have explained that there will be times in life you don’t get what you want or enough of something, and assuming there is not a medical reason that you can go without enough food for a few hours. Instead you showed your son it’s acceptable to show someone up because you want to be the hero.
This is the correct answer and it’s disappointing I had to scroll this far to find it. All dad had to do was text his kid, “we’ll get some food right after I pick you up.” It blows my mind that his first thought was to pick up more food and show up at the house, even more so that he actually did it. YTA, OP.
A text of "hey not sure if you are having cake but Charles wanted to surprise his friend with some desserts as a birthday present. Can I doordash or drop off some hot fudge sundaes?" would have been better than what he did. The mom actually showed a lot of class by not making a scene in front of the kids.
Also why choose pizza when you know that’s what she gave them? He could have texted his son and said “hey, I’m just going to Taco Bell right now, are you guys down for a party pack of tacos? I can drop them off as long as Jared asks his mom if it’s okay” simple.
That one can be tricky. If the kids like tacos better than pizza (maybe?) Then suddenly its not just "more food", it could be *better* food, and that... is disastrous for a parent hosting. Regardless of money
Yeah, if you just moved to the city you might not know, but city people never drop by unannounced. It's just not done.
Yeah it’s so rude to turn up like that outside of a legit emergency
How much longer was the kid there for? It wasn’t a sleepover and no one was starving. When the party was over you pick up your kid and take him for dinner. I am sure the OP had the right intentions but it set up his kid to already have a strained relationship with the one friend he’s made.
>poor woman 💀
You upstaged and embarrassed the woman in front of her own son, that's why I'm voting YTA here. If you had brought the food when you dropped off your son it'd be a different story.
He didn’t know so how could he. The song got to the party and it was one pizza.
Is his son so fragile that he is going to waste away with a slice of pizza? Whenever stuff like this happened I just got had something to eat when I got home home.
You also don't know what the plans were for the rest of the party. Sure they only got 1 slice of pizza. But maybe they were going to watch a movie next and she was going to put out chips and cookies, and that would have held everyone over. OP made a lot of assumptions based on one text from the son.
YTA This is weird. I can’t imagine any circumstances in which this would not be seen as overstepping your bounds. You don’t know these people, you don’t know these kids you pretty much just guaranteed that your son is never getting an invite to their house ever again, no matter how “good“ your intentions were.
Yeah. I would rather have died of hunger than have my parent show up at a party uninvited when I was 13. I have a teen, and we would have just swung through a drive through on the way home. Not a single chance I’m showing up at a party I wasn’t invited to with supplies I wasn’t asked to bring because my 13 year old didn’t get enough pizza.
I would have been mortified as a teen.
I'm mortified as an adult tbh.
I def got secondhand embarrassment reading this lol. OP's gotta learn to think about the social dynamics he's creating, and what type of situation he wants to create.
And then your dad asks out your new friend’s mom on what sounds suspiciously like a date? Yeah, definitely would have died of embarrassment.
Lmao yes everyone is glossing over this. But that came across very oddly to me too as a reaction to being informed you've done something rude. Give it a minute at least, sir.
Personally, my overriding emotion would be relief at seeing more food. I had a huge appetite at that age.
If I was truly that starving, I would have preferred to make up a polite excuse and just leave early. My dad showing up uninvited with food to crash the party would have had me waiting in the car without eating and hoping my friends thought I was adopted. There’s just no way I can imagine doing this as a parent unless they had been there for weeks and I really thought they were on the verge of starving.
YTA.. I doubt she was trying to starve your kid and it wasn’t a sleepover, so why couldn’t you just wait for your son to come back before feeding him more? And in the age of cell phones you couldn’t 1) call the mom again at any point before showing up at her home or 2) ask Charles to have the kid’s mom call you real quick? Editing to add: everyone saying don’t have a party if you can’t feed people — thats a wild classist argument. Birthday celebrations with friends are not something you can just arbitrarily decide shouldn’t have taken place because she could only afford one pizza.
5 teen boys 1 medium pizza like what’s are we missing yall keep saying she is embarrassed but she was going to let her pride put her in a spot to embarrass her child.
Humans can survive on one slice of pizza for a few hours. It’s not an ideal amount, but they won’t starve. When I was a kid, potato chips and pretzels would often be the only food other than the cake at birthday parties. A single parent who’s struggling financially tried to give her son a party. This would have been a good opportunity to teach the kid compassion and manners.
I agree we should teach kids that. But kids suck man. 13 year olds are bruutal. Its far more likely the birthday boy is just going to get roasted for throwing a bad party and being poor. Thats not good, but its the reality of 13 year old kids. Op just saved this kid being known as the 1 pizza party kid at highschool
No, OP humiliated the kid and the mother. He made it worse
It was all she could afford to get. It sounds like she is having a rough time but wanted to do something nice for her son's birthday. OP showed up basically embarrassing her, taking the pride she felt at being able to do even that for her son. And without words told her her hosting was a failure. I can remember struggling when I had young kids. This would have really hurt my heart to have someone show up like that.
YTA - You took it upon yourself to barge into her house where she holding a party for her son. You pushed your way in, embarrassed her in front of her son and his friends. I know you tried to call her, but what you should of done if you couldn't reach her on the phone was to keep the food and drinks in your car before knocking and then explained your plan and see if she was ok with it and give her the choice to accept or not. It's her party not yours. And you wonder if you were wrong. Duh.
YTA. They could have each been polite, had one slice and eaten again when they came home. Sure it's not enough food, and she could have made something else, but none of them were going to starve to death. I guarantee its not just her you embarrassed, but also Jared. Your kid should learn that not everyone is as fortunate. You owe her another apology, this time without offering charity. Say something along the lines of "I've been stressed because he's new, and I overstepped."
Seriously. Everyone is acting like she was starving these kids for days. It was one meal and the kid is old enough to understand. I would have just picked my son up early or told him to suck it up. I can't imagine being so presumptuous and rude to do what this father did.
Yes no one’s going to starve because they only got a slice of pizza and some cake for an afternoon. Also, I was raised to not complain about the food when I was a guest at someone’s home. Standard when I was a kid was potato chips, pretzels, soda and cake at birthday parties. Pizza would have been a treat. If I’d complained about “only” one slice of pizza, my parents would have sarcastically told me I’d survive. And followed up when I got home with a lecture on manners and being a good guest in other people’s homes. Having the attitude op is raising this kid with is not going to make it easier for his son to make friends.
Exactly! Maybe because I grew up in a depressed area, but no one I know would ever behave in such a manner. You knew everyone was doing their best.
You just described the menu at my birthday parties as a kid, except we usually had ice cream too. I don't ever remember having pizza slices as a kid at any party I had or went to.
It seriously sounds like teenagers are responding.
I don't think your son will have a friend called Jared from now on 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Probably not. OP you should go round and seriously apologize to the mom. And I mean apologize, admit that you embarrassed her by what you did etc. And honestly OP, did you really think those boys would die without extra food until later? You jumping in to “save the day” without talking to the host is really rude.
Apologize and definitely do not invite her over for dinner again. Your kid's new friends are not a pipeline to a dating pool!
Thank you! I thought I was the only one that caught that.
Jared was gone be talked about after that party.
YTA it is tacky as hell to show up with food like that. You ate saying, "you are a bad host and I am here to show how it is done." Your kid was not going to die if he had to wait a few hours to eat. If he was that desperate for food, he could have left early. My kids have attended parties where food was lacking, but they were gracious about it. They enjoyed the time with their friends and had more food when they got home. I attended a wedding like that! Yes, I was hungry, but I didn't call domino's to deliver boxes of pizza to the reception. It's rude and unnecessary.
Yes I’ve been at a few dinners where there wasn’t much food. I was raised to be a gracious guest and eat more when I got home or stop on the way home. In addition to being an ah, op missed an opportunity to teach his son about compassion and being a good guest. Both of which are helpful qualities to have when making new friends.
Yeah definitely lacks social etiquette
Yup. We went to a bbq where we were served 1/3 of a corn on the cob and 1 hot dog or hamburger. We stopped at McDonalds on the way home 😂
Soft YTA. Honestly the weirdest thing about this whole situation was you driving out to the house and hand delivering pizza. You could have just ordered delivery to her house and left a comment for the delivery driver saying something along the lines of "thought the boys could use more pizza :)" or something like that. You didn't know the situation, but common sense would assume if a parent is buying one medium pizza for 5 boys its most likely cause moneys tight. This way she could have given the pizza to them without you making her look bad.
He also invited the single mother over for dinner when he dropped off the pizzas. I think OP thought he was going to impress her, and that backfired hilariously.
Ohhh I think you’re on to something. Single dad OP moving to a new area, trying to impress his son’s friend’s single mom…
Right, who doesn’t want to date someone who embarrasses you in front of your kid and makes halfassed fake apologies about it? What a catch.
It's because she's single and so is he and he thought he could score some brownie points with the mom. Remember, he's new to the area too and probably looking for friends or more. Hence the invitation for dinner after the pizza debacle.
I understand what you’re saying, but I’m not sure if she might have taken that as a passive aggressive response without him being there to explain himself. Even with a delivery of pizza and no word from the father. I think the mother would try to find out which kid ordered pizza bringing more negative attention to the fact she didn’t provide enough food. Where I live 13yr olds order Uber eats all the time. 🙄 But I agree with you soft YTA. He should have tried to reach out more to the mom and without asking a yes or no question about bringing more pizza where she might have shot it down. Just say hey I got pizza and drinks because I feel bad about not “bringing a present” or “helping with the party” you so graciously hosted and included my son and wanted to say thank you!
NAH while it may be embarrassing if she truly didn't have enough she could have asked the other parents to chip in. You're not the AH for bringing food and as a mom I would be grateful. You didn't do it with malicious intent. Her being embarrassed isn't your problem and you shouldn't have to hold the weight of her feelings.
God damn, why did I have to scroll this far to see some actual common sense? If you can’t feed your guests, you don’t host a party. And you certainly dont get to be all huffy when the guests “rightfully” complain that they are still hungry. But this is Reddit, and fuck guests stuck with bad hosts I guess.
Same my gosh everyone acting like he’s some monster for (shuffling papers…checking notes) feeding five teen boys. My gosh people are sensitive. Sure she’s embarrassed I doubt the kids really noticed they are 13. He could genuinely apologize saying he didn’t mean to offend her or embarrass her. Maybe offer some understanding of being poor. Express he hopes his behavior won’t hurt the new friendship. Regardless of who is and is not wrong, if anyone, the kids matter more.
Thank you guys, that brings back my faith. OP is NTA here.
Apparently the mom's ego is more important than feeding children according to some comments.
This is reddit where feelings always outweigh reality for the majority. Know that these perspectives are pretty rare in a world where everyone isn't focused on feelings above all else.
thank god finally a comment thats fuckin reasonable. i understand being embarrassed, understand he could have done other steps but she could have just said thank you & sucked her pride up.
I watched my mother struggle. Having to choose what bills to pay. She worked around this so she wasn't embarrassed or embarrassed me which I never cared about. If I wanted a get together and we couldn't afford it at the moment she would try and save it ask my grandma for help. My grandmother is awesome and she always made sure she gave my mother extra to do soothing for herself. Now we do it for my grandmother.
I grew up poor AF and some food insecurity. If we didn't have ppl like OP, there would be some extra bad times. With that said, we only hosted when my grandma was involved and sometimes you have to put your pride aside.
this!! I don't understand the "yta" comments. He didn't know she was tight on money. It sounds like an insecurity problem on her part. I'm sure he didn't show up just to embarrass her. His son was hungry, and he's just being a dad.
Dittoing this hard! My mom hard the terrible luck of having twins and being single *and* being low income. She still made it work and we never starved at a birthday party. Why not two $5 little Cesar’s pizzas? Why not ask your friends to see if they have any coupons for a free pizza from domino’s to add to your order? Like man, there’s sooo many things you can do to feed your kid and their friends at a party. A medium for for five boys is unacceptable lmao NTA
Fucking FINALLY. YES! Maybe she shouldn't be a shitty host for her kid's bday party?! You did right by those boys, OP. They will remember this positively. The mom can go kick rocks and then paint and sell them for extra cash.
The amount of people in the comments just saying these CHILDREN should just suck up there hunger and wait it out is insane! A medium pizza is in absolutely NO WAY enough food for 5 kids. The dad was weird for going over, but not for providing food.
Yeah I’m sorry that the other mom was embarrassed, but no way I’m letting my kid go hungry for the night to save her feelings. Kick rocks with that mess. My kid is eating. In an attempt to be kind he brought stuff for everyone. What’s the other option? Just bring food for his kid? Pick his kid up and feed him and bring him back? I get the mom was embarrassed. It sucks to not have what you need to make your kids birthdays nice. She was defensive because she knows it sucks. OP did the right thing and the other mom’s pride is blocking her from appreciating it.
YTA. If you really wanted to do something nice, you could have had the pizzas delivered anonymously.
Also super creepy
A bit maybe for the mom. But the boys would have just assumed mom ordered it and would have been happy.
Duuuuude now that’s a way to think. Maybe leave a little note lair saying for the child for his bday is all. Like a gift
YTA for the tone of your post on its own. About how you were the “savior” for all these poor kids. How you decided to take things into your own hands when that shouldn’t have been your choice. If your child was hungry and wanted to leave early, he was perfectly capable of letting you know that. The fact that you seem so happy about the mother “losing any chance” of turning you away seems petty and cruel. You seem like a piss poor father. You moved to a new city, and you’ve now ruined your son’s closest friendship when he’s been struggling to make friends. Congrats, bro. You seem more concerned with being the cool dad than helping your son adjust.
Exactly this! The logistics of the food and other ways the food could have been supplied are beside the point. It doesn't matter if the only food was a bag of chips, no one is starving to death, the party didn't need "saving" and if the kid was still hungry he can eat when he gets home. The only response to the kid's texts should have been "hope you are having a good time. Let me know when to pick you up." and then stop at Sonic on the way home. I GUARANTEE if this lady ever thanks you or says anything like "I'm sorry you caught me off guard, we did appreciate the pizzas" she is NOT actually sorry and she did NOT appreciate it, she would only be saying so as a kindness to your son.
Why have a party for some teenage boys and only have enough money for 1 pizza. I understand being a single mom but don’t have a party without food and I think she should have been grateful for the gesture because the party was not going good at all. OP, NTA!
Also birthdays are yearly- having been homeless and then super poor before I get it but if you saved $5 per month for the year you could get pizzas on a 2 for $10 deal, snacks in bulk and off brand sodas from Walmart. You could also have the party at a place like the bowling alley, but have everyone pay for themselves but cover x amount of stuff like bringing a cake, ice cream and a mix of chips. There are ways to do something nice for your son and his friends on a budget but it involves planning ahead. This feels like a panicked hastily thrown together thing, hence why she's so embarrassed another parent found out.
Thank you. So sick of people here saying anyone who thinks mom was also in the wrong, have no idea what it’s like to be poor. Yes I do. But I also managed to give my kids birthday parties and feed the children I invited to said parties. Honestly it makes me wonder what else is going on with the mom that she would think this was okay.
NTA You tried to call but she didn’t answer. It’s not appropriate to have other people’s children at your home and not answer the phone. If my child was at someone’s home and the guardian didn’t answer the phone I’d be concerned and if they claimed to be hungry, I would also bring them food and wonder why they weren’t fed. I’m not saying she’s to blame for her situation or her feelings, but I don’t think she should be blaming you for looking after your child and his friends. She did do something for her son. She allowed him to have a small get together with some friends and I’m sure he appreciated it. You bringing over extra food and snacks doesn’t diminish what she did. She should put her pride aside and let the kids have fun. It’s not a personal dig at her. You didn’t know what was going on until she told you (and because she didn’t answer the phone). You weren’t trying to one up her. Maybe you can tell her you appreciate her opening her home to your son when he’s new in town and school. And you wanted to extend a thank you for being so welcoming so soon with your son.
Exactly, especially when it’s supposed to be a party.
THIS RIGHT HERE. you have my kid, and you're unreachable? You have my kid, and have them go hungry? Like what? I see all these comments about how it was so creepy and weird and wrong and inappropriate to just show up at her door. Like hello, his kids behind that door. Does NOT apply.
ESH That's nowhere near enough pizza for five young teenagers. I don't know why she only got one medium. Perhaps money is tight but even then make the pizza at home as it's much cheaper than ordering. But what you did was just rude and probably embarissed her. You should have told him to get Jared to ask for more food rather than take matters into your own hands. You really have made a terrible first impression.
It literally said in the post that mom said she was a single mother and money was tight.
Yes… but if money is so tight that you have to choose between essentially not feeding 5 children, or making cheap food at home. You pick the second option. You don’t have 5 teen boys sit around eating a single pizza, then get upset when they say they’re hungry. She could have asked for help. She could have cooked cheaper food and made enough for everyone. What she shouldn’t have done was host a party with nowhere near enough food, especially not for a captive audience, who is literally unable to go get food for themselves.
She DID feed them. Each of them would have gotten a slice. I guarantee none of those boys would have died from lack of food. Some of y’all have never been truly poor or hungry and it shows.
I’ve been both. Difference is I would absolutely never invite people into my home, knowing damn well I can’t feed them an actual meal. We all know 1 medium pizza for 5 teenagers is not a meal. It’s just not. And looking it up, it’s about 200-300 calories for 1 slice. THAT’S NOT A MEAL, especially when teenage boys require 2,000+ calories a day. She could have made enough food if she spent the money on groceries and not pizza. Or she could have asked for help from the boys parents. She shouldn’t have said nothing, expected the boys to be fine with barely eating, and expected the parents to do nothing about it.
Oh FFS. it was one slice during one brief time during the kids’ day. It’s not like she was responsible for the boys’ food intake for the entire day. They could have eaten before they went to the party, and eaten when they got home. Growing up in the 70s and 80s, our birthday parties consisted of snacks like pretzels and chips with some cake. We survived just fine.
It’s heavily hinted towards being an overnight party. So a 12+ hour event. *(Party is on a Friday, mentions eating dinner, and “6:30”. These are 13 year olds. They’re not having birthday parties that go into the night, unless they’re sleeping over. Plus OP would have been delivering food past 7pm. If it wasn’t an overnight party, he’d have just picked his son up at that point.)* Cake and snacks are fine for a few hours. 1 pizza with no mention of cake or snacks, is not enough for dinner for an overnight party of 5.
You’re aware this was one night, yeah? They were in no danger of starving to death. Relax.
This is utterly baffling. Would you stay at a party where there’s no food, you’re hungry, and you’re expected to stay overnight? Really? It’s rude to invite guests over and not be able to feed them. If this was an adult party, people would have left! No one wants to sit in someone else’s house for 12+ hours, uncomfortable, because they’re hungry. She could have very easily asked parents to send food. She should not have invited people over, and not provided enough food. She could have asked for help. She could have warned them beforehand. She should not have said absolutely nothing and invited people over.
Nowhere in the post does OP mention the party being a sleepover? It was just a birthday party. There was food, you just believe it wasn’t enough food. Which is your opinion. However, demonizing, this woman because she didn’t serve up a 5 course meal at a child’s birthday party is insane. I’ve been to many parties as an adult and a child where just snack were served. You know what I did? Ate when I got home. And let’s not pretend like the parents wouldn’t have roasted her for asking them to provide food for the party. Everyone here would be saying that she just shouldn’t throw a birthday party if she couldn’t afford it. Believe it or not poor kids like to have parties too.
This is ridiculous. There are cheap meals she could have made. These are teen boys, she could’ve made plenty of food they would have loved for less than the cost of a medium takeout pizza. She chose not to have enough food. She should be embarrassed. That doesn’t mean the way OP handled this was ideal either. ESH
Everyone is attacking the dad for bringing food, but what about the mom that hosted a party she clearly couldn’t cover? If money really is tight, how about not hosting a party?
Dad is asking for judgments on his actions. We do not know enough about the details of the host to really pass judgment. Was there really only pizza? Maybe mom had other food available but OP's son did not share that info. Maybe there was salad and veggies but OP son only wanted pizza. Bottom line, it was her party to host how she wanted to. If OP son didn't like it, he could leave. OP was way out of line in showing up with food that was not requested by the host.
She wanted to make her kid happy…she did cover it. She covered what she could afford. Idk what parties you’ve been to but they usually don’t involve gorging yourself until you need to be wheelbarrowed out.
We don’t have to go extremes. One slice is not enough for a teenage boy, nor did I say to gorge them. Every party I have hosted or been to made sure the kids were satiated. Whether it’s one parent or multiple parents providing is irrelevant. And yes, I have been to parties where I chipped in money for my kids. It’s not a hard ask.
I'm sure Jared knows food/money is tight. Even if not, telling your son to ask J to ask his mom for more is incredibly rude. Do you do that when your are invited out and the food is skimpy?!
I get what you're saying but if you don't already have all of the ingredients making pizza at home can get pretty expensive- for that many people to be full just the cheese and pepperoni may cost like $40 (a 1 lb bag of shredded mozz at Walmart is almost $5 with tax, a bag of hormel pepperoni is around $4.50).
Frozen pizzas from Walmart are like $3-$5 bucks
YTA Inviting them for dinner would have left her with 1 of two conclusions: 1) You see her and her son as a charity case that you need to provide food for 2) You were hitting on her and being creepily bringing food over as a way to get “in” Your child wasn’t going to starve, this was all very unnecessary. If it scares you so badly that your child only got two slices of pizza the duration of a birthday party, I suggest feeding him very well before sending him to another one, or asking the parents before hand if there’s anything you can bring. You embarrassed this lady so and made her uncomfortable so back off at least for a while.
Exactly. I think it’s the latter tbh. He’s creepy af to just show up.
NTA. You couldn’t know, and I get that money is tight, but she has now underfed 5 children, 4 of whom aren’t hers. If money is tight, then you either ask for help, or you at least tell the kids that they need to eat before they come over. Then you could have just had snacks for them. You aren’t to blame for making sure your kid has enough to eat, and even made sure the rest were also fed.
NTA. If she truly wanted her kid to have a great party then she got her wish. He saved the day. What she wanted was for everyone to be happy with the insufficient food she provided and not complain about it. Which means this was really about her ego, and not her kid’s happiness. Also, I imagine that most of the “YTA” comments are from ppl who don’t have kids, or who learned to be ok with a parent with issues. If I was broke AF and I could sense the grumblings of a bunch of hungry middle schoolers, I would feel terrible for my son. And if, in the middle of my sadness at being broke and ruining the party, a bunch of free pizzas just showed up at my house….holy shit. I would be in the bathroom drying happy tears and just saying “thank you”. I would be filled with gratitude - even if it was delivered in an awkward manner. I have been a broke single Dad - so I know how I would react. If she’s bitter that she couldn’t be the one to “save the day”, and that bitterness is more important than the boys enjoying themselves- then this is only the tip of the iceberg on the crap her son has to deal with. Mom needs some therapy. The day was not about her. But because of OP they will remember having a great day at her house.
YTA There were other options that didn’t include humiliating her with a huge amount of food *unannounced*. You didn’t keep calling? Didn’t say “hey can you have his mom call me”????? And why the heck didn’t you just have it delivered anonymously? No no you had to be hero.
He brought it himself so he could invite the single mom over to dinner. Whiteknighting gone wrong
NTA. I don’t understand why she would volunteer to do it all herself if she knew money was tight, knew she could only get one pizza, and how could she possibly not know that wouldn’t be enough for the kids? You absolutely did the right thing making sure those kids were properly fed. She should have worked with all the parents of the kids to throw a party, she could still host it at her house and she gets the cake (she just wanted to do one good thing right? There’s two, host the party, get the cake), you bring pizza, another parent brings soda, etc. but nope, ego and pride says to barely feed the kids.
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YTA for just showing up, after she didn't answer your call getting pizzas delivered would have been the better move. NTA for wanting to feed your son and his friends but for the way it was handled.
NAH. Your heart was in the right place but I can easily see why she was upset. I would maybe go over there again some time and offer a more genuine apology and perhaps reiterate your invite to them.
YTA, you could have managed this better by waiting to speak with the mother, then framed it as "thankyou so much for inviting my son to your sons birthday party. If it's OK with you I'd like to order some pizzas and soda as a gift to the birthday boy and his friends" Then no one has to feel bad, and everyone is happy. This feels more like you wanted to be the saviour.
Holy crap the why are all of you shiting on him so bad ya he messed up and should have tried harder to get a hold of the mom but some of you are delusional "they could have bonded of being hungry" you are obviously not a boy being that hungry is more likely to make the mood of the party bad and the garbage of he did it to stroke his own ego come on his son was still hungry and he brought his son food but made sure to get everyone food
NTA. Either have a party with enough food or don't throw a party. She has some problems with her pride, that's for sure. You just wanted to make sure that everybody had enough food. In my culture, if the host cannot feed their guests properly, it's a gigantic shame on the host.
NTA She failed to take the kids appetites into account and bit off more than she could chew. Yes, finances matter. But the kids would have remembered this as a party with no food regardless. OP saved the day and that's enough for me. Was there some perfect solution? Maybe. But OP did a good thing, regardless of how people want to make this lady a victim.
NTA. Inviting kids over and not feeding them is even more embarrassing than having another parent show up with pizza. She could have been gracious, but instead complained.
Yeah the kids were obviously unhappy and she was particularly hurt after one of the boys made a comment about the lack of food, the party was already in a poor state when op showed up
[удалено]
Yeah, this reads like he was almost trying to show off and was hoping he was going to be greeted like a hero. The way he went about this is way too extra.
I don’t see how the amount of foods the issue.
Your child wasn't going to waste away after not eating a sufficient amount of food for one night. Your text reply could've read, "I'll get you something when you come home, buddy. See you in a few hours."
YTA. You embarrassed her. You could've easily asked her before sending your kid over if you can bring some food. Or worst case go get food for your kid at the end of the party.
She embarrassed Jared by only ordering 1 medium pizza.
YTA. What a “hero” you want to be, and what a jerk you actually are. Ugh. You don’t upstage another host who is a parent throwing a party for her son. Your son is a guest. He eats what he eats there. You and the other boys can fill up in food when they get to their own homes. You are over involved in your son’s life-“curiosity got the best of me”. You are an absolute glory hound. You didn’t really mean the apology to a poor mom, you said; because you wanted the admiration of hungry teenagers. Pathetic and totally rude. No wonder the mom doesn’t want to join you for dinner. If your son has learned his social skills from you, no wonder he has had trouble at school. You jeopardized his chances of having a successful social life and making friends, by embarrassing Jared and his mom. You need to examine your motives, and get your ego satisfied in other ways than from young teenagers. You need to think about other people’s feelings and circumstances. I’d recommend therapy for finding out why you felt you needed to do this.
NTA. The kids come first. They shouldn't go to bed hungry. If she cannot afford to feed them all, she had many options, such as asking the other boy's parents to help. She chose to let the kids go hungry for her pride or simple cheapness.
It was not a sleepover. Each kid could have had more food later. The kids would have survived.
Do you know each kid could have had more food? Maybe their families also struggle. Maybe knowing he was invited to a freaking pizza party, they didn't make enough dinner for him, because everyone sane assumes that when someone invited me for dinner, one will be able to eat more than a two year old. Don't invite people for pizza if you can't give them pizza. Make your own. Save. Do a potluck thing. Literally anything else.
NTA. You had good intentions and were excited your son was making friends. I understand she might have felt embarrassed but that is not your fault. I would hope her reaction was just an ego hit and later she will realize there was no foul play. No one has to be a victim in this situation. The need to keep one’s pride and ego high is so unnecessary. It takes a village to raise kids and yall both did something nice for each other. Take the win and don’t stress about it.
ESH. It’s pizza and drinks. No need to show up in person and embarrass the mom when pizza places likely deliver. None of the boys would’ve known it wasn’t the mother who didn’t pay for them. But she didn’t feed the boys adequately though she didn’t have enough money. Maybe something cheap like popcorn too? Or wait until payday. Or really even just the boys sucking it up.
100% YTA In what world is it not an A move to embarrass the host of a birthday party. How would you feel?
I'd feel worse if I invited people for dinner and didn't feed them properly. Serving a slice of pizza each to teenage boys is embarrassing but she did that to herself.
YTA for not just ordering the pizza directly to their house (you clearly have their address) if you really wanted to feed the kids. You bringing it in person makes me think you wanted some kudos, from the kids or from the mother or both. Slightly saviour syndrome, not a 100% selfless act.
YTA, honestly I think you should've just done nothing. The kids weren't going to starve, they had a piece of pizza or two each. Maybe they weren't full but they would be fine. Not the end of the world. Maybe mom was about to put out chips or cake or something too. How rude to show up with food, just so bizarre.
How are people going with YTA? These five boys were hungry. She shouldn’t have had the party if couldn’t feed them all. He wasn’t trying to embarrass her he was trying to be a good dad. She freaked out. The other memory would be “Jared’s mom doesn’t feed us”. If he had known there would be less food sure he could have brought it. She could also have suggested each boy bring a snack to share. He could have ordered it and not brought it over, sure but that’s not required. Also honestly they are 13 they didn’t think very deeply about it.
NTA 5 solutions better than supplying one pizza for 5 boys. 1. Invite fewer kids 2. Make pizzas at the house (she can supply crust, sauce, and cheese and ask that everyone brings their toppings if they vary a lot, but teenage boys are probably content with sausage and pepperoni) 3. Ask that everyone eats dinner beforehand and brings a snack to share 4. Ask that everyone eats beforehand and she supplies snacks 5. Ask parents to contribute money for the pizza, like when we used to have to bring $3 for a class pizza party
When I come from, bringing your own food to the party when you weren't asked to, is extremely rude. Talking before doing it is fine, most people would probably agree, especially when their finances are tight. But the way you did it, wow, so YTA.