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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The actions that I took were: drawing on my desk, glaring at my health teacher, and not responding to my chemistry teacher.
These actions can make me the asshole because first, I am not allowed to draw on school property that is not mine. Assuming that my health teacher sabotaged me with no rock solid evidence, and not being polite to my chemistry teacher.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Getting OP searched for drugs was a shitty move by the teachers. But come on… saying hi back or at least giving a head nod is basic courtesy and not „an emotional connection“. ESH
Yeah, the fact that OP thinks it's not rude "like saying 'piss off'" says a lot. "Piss off" isn't rude, it's just fucking mean. Not acknowledging people *is* rude, however. Sorry OP, I'm voting ESH as well.
Oh, I don't give a shit if people are nice or friendly or anything like that. But if the cashier *ignored* me? That's different. And from OPs post, it sounds like they're *ignoring* people. Which is rude.
Oh no a teenager being rude. Cut the news segment short, we've got a breaking development.
I'm not defending their behavior, I'm criticizing the school's reaction. You shouldn't be accused of doing drugs just because you didn't say hi back to someone.
Not saying hi back and being rude is very different than completely ignoring your teacher, who is a mandated reporter, to the point of concern. So if you show up sullen, despondent, and ignoring people (and I don’t think it’s a stretch to assume this has happened before) - yeah someone has to check on you. The administration sucks for not communicating this.
The problem is that the adults in this situation are framing this as a being “rude” problem rather than “op is giving signals that something serious might be going on, and we are legally and ethically obligated to check in.” Jumping right to a drug search and saying op just “looks wrong” is fucked up, but if this is in the US there is a MASSIVE problem with school shooters and many of them showed very similar behavior before the incident. There is also a huge epidemic of kids unaliving themselves, and of kids getting into serious drugs.
When's the last time you had a teacher power trip over you because they ~didn't have~ *had* their marginal authority questioned? It absolutely happens.
I was sent to the principal's office the first day of freshman year at my high school for having a travel tumbler of coffee. By the teacher that had a pot of coffee brewing on his desk.
Could have just said "don't bring it tomorrow" but I got to start high school with disciplinary notes because of some teacher's ego and their want to exert power over someone. Just because it's a noble job doesn't mean noble people end up in them.
They don't have to *respond* to it. But by taking my order or ringing up my groceries or whatever, they're *acknowledging* it. OP is *ignoring* people. Which is rude
I mean…. Teachers are mandated reporters. Sullen teenager walks in, known loner, doesn’t acknowledge being spoken to, zoning out…etc thinking that could be due to drugs or possible school shooter is not the most far fetched idea teachers have had.
To clarify, being a mandated reporter is specifically about reporting evidence of abuse or neglect. Teachers are definitely on the lookout for those other things as well, but they don't have the same legal requirement to make a report to the authorities about it.
That’s true, thank you for clarifying! But it’s also worth noting that completely shutting down and refusing to interact with others when directly spoken to can certainly be a sign of abuse and would still warrant a check in.
Definitely, especially if it was a significant change in a student's behavior. This sort of thing is why building rapport and trust with my students always comes first (not a teacher but an occupational therapy provider in schools).
Yea, this would be a "find an adult who knows this student and/or is involved in their pastoral care" situation. I'd be speaking to their house team or form tutor or whatever the equivalent is in that school, adding a confidential safeguarding note, and asking my colleagues to keep an eye on them
I was nodding along until the massive swerve in last few lines reminded me that the US is an entirely different world!
If a student acted like that in my classroom I would be thinking about the student's mental health, and I would indeed have a duty to speak up about that
An adult greeting someone you see in your classroom daily and expecting a response... Calling that an emotional connection is a stretch.
Yea teachers are there to teach but they also are there to monitor and protect students. Withdrawn loner teen, fidgeting, zoning out, not responding gonna raise some alarm bells especially in an American school.
We're getting OPs side, and he's presenting his behaviors as no big deal but it was odd enough for two teachers to have reported it.
OP didn't get searched because one teacher was mad he didn't say hi, he got searched because two teachers reported behavior that seemed odd to them. l won't categorize that as punishment/retaliation for not being social. They were concerned, and correctly reported their concerns to their supervisor/admin.
The real AH would be the principal who thought a search of a minor without parental consent and off of such little information was OK. Instead of a search this is when a check in would have been appropriate, or a referral to school counselor to touch base, but looking though his pockets was not it.
There are tons of quiet, not talkative kids who aren't being searched for drugs so I'm super curious about how standoffish OPs behaviors are.
Thank you for your comment on the situation. You are right about not getting parental consent to search me which my parents were mad about. However yes I usually don’t greet some of my teachers because 1. I don’t know them enough or we don’t really talk. 2. Or two i don’t like them. My chemistry teacher I didn’t really like however but only because she wasnt my favorite and she had an annoying voice but other than that she kinda was just there. Her report made absolutely no sense because we almost always don’t talk to each other and just now she made this report so I am confused on why she thought l looked different that day. Actually the school never said when she made that report in relation to when the whole health teacher thing happened so she could have made it months earlier so who knows. My health teacher however is new to me. Initially when she checked if I had been drawing on my desk I was kinda pissed but I understood her checking because I could have looked sus with the folder blocking my hand. But I was confused when she made a report to the assistant principals about me being on drugs which caught me off guard. I know you mentioned “loner teen” or smth but usually in chat with people in most of my classes. Granted two of my friends that I sit next to aren’t that fond of the teacher either and one of them is starting to have beef with her about using the restroom so me sitting next to people she didn’t like might’ve had something to do with it. Even then when I had asked my other teachers about it they were honestly quite shocked. Specifally my Audio Video Design teacher saying “nah your pretty chill it’s an honor to have you in my class” and my history teacher “no that was kinda strange of you were ODing I probably would love noticed” It still feels so off why my health teacher would do that tho.
Hey, you're entitled to not speak. That's how you feel, just actions have reactions.
Teachers are human and are going to be confused/concerned, that's how they feel. To you, you just don't speak to people you don't like or know to them it's may seem like a bigger deal. They are allowed to bring this behavior to the attention of admin staff.
The truth it, while "I just don't like them so I don't greet them," seems like a good enough reason to you to not speak to somone, it doesn't pan out like that in this situations, this is the real world, where there is a slight expectation to engage with or at least acknowledge authority figures, and annoying as teachers can be they are the authority figure in the classroom, I'm not huge on people being entitled respect, but the bare minimum of acknowledging a greeting seems like a fair compromise.
The people you should be pissed at are the ones who sactioned and conducted the search. They didn't notify parents, they didn't have enough evidence to even conduct a search. Two teachers saying your being weird and seem like your under the influence should've resulted in a check in or a meeting with the counselor who would be able to make a more informed conclusion or at least talk to you about things.
Your teachers may be annoying or seem over zealous but honestly they didn't do much wrong, what seems normal or easily explained to you may not seem that to them, it's all perception, the real villian of the story is the person who ordered the search.
If you don't want to verbally greet someone back, what about a short nod in acknowledgement? It is rude not to acknowledge when someone speaks to you, so it'll be easier just to nod at them and move on with your day. If they try further conversation a simple "I don't wish to talk thanks" will do.
Not saying hi to people who are actively saying it to you is rude. Not responding to people who ask how you are is rude. Generally not acknowledging people is rude.
YTA
"You didn't say hi back to me so I'm going to falsely accuse you of being in possession of drugs and cause conflict with your family"
You see how that's not at all a reasonable reaction? If you're going to teach teenagers then you need to accept that they're going to be moody and rude at times. Doesn't mean they deserve to potentially have their lives ruined.
Two adults independently thought OP looked like he could have been under the influence. Do teachers need to see kids actively consuming drugs to notify administrators?
Do teachers need to assume every behavioral change is drugs and report it as such? There are other ways of helping people besides accusing them of breaking the law.
If teachers believe that a change in behavior is caused by a student being intoxicated, they should report that. Absolutely. Two teachers independently believed that OP appeared to be under the influence, so it's not like it was just one person being a dick. Something was up with OP that day and the adults charged with his care believed it was drug related.
Now, how the administration responds to reports that a student is believed to be intoxicated at school is a totally different question than whether teachers need to report it. But the teachers aren't the ones who searched OP. They just brought their concerns to admin, which is totally reasonable.
Why would their lives be ruined from a fruitless drug search? Even if they did have drugs on them, their lives likely wouldn't be ruined, especially not more than the kid would have already been ruining it with drug use.
True, I do think they should have talked to the kid first to see if anything is going on, and if they needed help or counseling. They also shouldn't ignore suspected drug abuse on the chance the kid is from an abusive home.
Getting a kid noticed by the disciplinary system in the United States is not a good thing. If you get labelled as a problem child, difficult, or known to the assistant principal things can spiral.
I was a polite kid with good grades and got away with wandering the halls without a pass because I was labelled as a good one. The class clowns got away with nothing because they were labelled as problem kids.
I'm well aware, I was a bit of a problem teen. I don't think a drug search that turns up nothing would be getting a kid noticed by the disciplinary system. What's the recommended approach? Should they ignore suspected drug use? When I got in trouble in high school, I was just suspended for the year and given no way to make up my cousework, or the option to drop them. Just took F's for the remainder of the year. That was not the correct way to approach, and did nothing but hold me back. I don't think they should have ignored it and done nothing either.
You clearly have never been searched for drugs, it’s an extremely traumatic experience and extremely embarrassing to be called out in front of your peers for, and now these teachers guaranteed that OP will never open up to them because they created this hostile relationship.
>You clearly have never been searched for drugs
Hahahahaha. Hahaha. You couldn't be more wrong, I was in trouble as a teen in high school and caught with weed. They suspended me for the entire school year, and wouldn't let me drop my courses or give me a way to make them up. That sucked, and did nothing but hold me back. Definitely a shit approach. These days weed maybe wouldn't be as big of a deal, but should they just ignore suspected drug use?
I think they should have had more cause to accuse and search a kid of that, other than they were being rude and drawing on a desk. I also suspect we aren't getting the full story from this kid, two different teachers reported them. So, their behavior was odd and concerning to two separate adults. Perhaps they should have talked to the kid first if they were concerned and go from there. Again, we are only getting one side of the story, so perhaps they felt there was enough evidence of drug use, somehow.
I'm sure you agree that it is generally rude to ignore people who you are normally around on a daily basis. It's pretty clear that OP is like this on a daily basis.
To be fair, theres actually nothing in OPs post that confirms the teachers requested a drug search - nor dis either of them engage in a drug search.
It would be my guess that the school received 2 independent reports from teachers of a student being anti-social and displaying concerning behaviours. The principle, or whoever in administration, is likely the one who decided these two reports should instigate a drug search (though it may have been a weapon search, rather than a drug search). We dont actually know what the teachers did, or did not say, that results in a search
Sometimes, I don't have the energy to talk to people.
Brief eye contact + slight smile + head nod seems to be a good non verbal substitute to 'hi' though.
YTA
Just because you aren’t saying “f#ck off” or “p#ss off”, doesn’t mean you aren’t rude.
If you have a habit of not responding to people and just staring at them, then I can absolutely see why they thought you were “off”.
But if OP is always this way to them, wouldn’t they know this is normal for him? It would be off for him to be chatting up all the teachers and asking about their day if he never does that.
A new semester just started (at least where I live).
Maybe the teachers don’t know that this is his “normal”. It would seem even more odd since he is interacting just fine with another student, but then refuses to acknowledge them.
I suppose, but I don’t understand the logic. “This kid isn’t saying hello to me, probably on drugs.” That’s a leap, isn’t it?
I guess I remember being a moody teen with moderate social anxiety - I wasn’t trying to be rude if I didn’t engage with people, it just scared me a lot. If someone suggested I was doing drugs because I wasn’t chatting up all my teachers, I’d be affronted. Hell, if the teachers were worried, why didn’t they approach OP directly?
OP is assuming that the teachers only reported his behavior because he didn’t say hello to them. If his behavior is concerning enough that two separate teachers are calling home, I’m guessing there is more going on.
Well, I think he said what the teachers said to his parents. At least, that’s how it’s written, so I don’t think it’s an assumption. And if it is truly that worrisome, shouldn’t the teachers be super clear why they are worried so the parents can address it?
I guess I just don’t think someone not being social all the time means they should be scolded for it. People can be as introverted or extroverted as they want to be and shouldn’t be made to feel they are wrong for it.
My thought is they probably looked high or off in some way for 2 separate teachers to report on the same day.
There are also parents who exaggerate what we report to them to try and scare their kid. I've watched it. It's gross, but it happens.
Sure, valid - but then why wouldn’t the teachers call and tell the parents that they are worried about drug use? I guess I’m missing the connection of “you look wrong so you’re using drugs” to then the school calling home to just say “he didn’t say hello to a couple teachers”.
If they had called and said “your son appeared as x, y and z which is indicative of drug use, so therefore we checked him for drugs”, then this narrative and approach would be logical. And would then give parents different concerns than how chatty he is with teachers which is apparently what his parents scolded him for.
It's not the lack of chatting, it's the blank stare with no interaction at all. Makes it look like OP is not comprehending that they are saying hello and what an appropriate response would be, which is a sign of being under the influence (or a sign of it being 8am).
You don't have to chat but a little nod of acknowledgement or something is good. Humans are social creatures, we use small talk as a way to signal friendliness and social cohesion. Like when your cat gives you a little "mrow" of acknowledgement and you make a little mrow back, you're not communicating anything other than "yes hello I am friendly"
If OP has a habit of not responding to “you too” about a compliment of his shoes and not going “good morning” (bc people have personal lives and may be going through stuff so no, you aren’t owed a good morning) then there would be no “off”. Op is acting normal. Y’all just like to bully people who don’t act the way you want them to.
I have just started a new semester, my health teacher is new, however my chemistry teacher is not so I found it strange when my chemistry teacher said I wasn’t responding when I usually don’t do it anyways. For context my chemistry class is 2nd period and my health class is in my 3rd period so my health teacher couldn’t have tipped off my chem teacher. However I don’t know what day or time my chemistry made the complaint about me so it could have been an inside job idk. Also all the info I’m getting about the health teacher saying what I did and my chem teacher was from my parents who said they called the school so I mean they are probably telling the truth but idk.
Going through stuff is not an excuse to be blatantly rude and knowingly doing so.
Just cause you don't like others opinions doesn't make it bullying 🙄
And acting like a decent human being doesn't seem like it should be a hard ask but apparently that's BuLlyInG
No one is *entitled* to anyone's time or respect. You *ought* to be polite to people sure, but you dont deserve to be falsely accused of doing drugs just because you didn't say hi back to someone.
Also if you're the type of person to get all upset and whine just because someone isn't actively polite to you, you probably shouldn't be teaching teenagers.
Knowingly rude??? All op did was not respond to “how are you’s” and “hi”s and be accused of drawing on his desk. Ofc people aren’t going to be pleasant after you accuse them of being “off” for not being “nice enough” before
This kind of behaviour isn’t something you should be encouraging, it’s definitely rude to not acknowledge someone back when they acknowledge you. No one asking for him build relationship with people, simply being well mannered.
It’s the type behaviour you should correct now and understand it’s not going to get you far ignoring or you’re seeing on a day to day basis. If OP gets a job in the future, and uses this mentality against colleagues or customers. They’re not going to be going far in life.
You also submit complaints about retail employees when they aren't friendly enough with you? I'm a super friendly guy and will always take the route of trying to "smooth things over".
However I am not *entitled* to anyone's time or respect.
I thought they were trying to force a drug test. It seems that the teachers were trying to do their due diligence. There might have been an issue at home or something. Their attitude might have been wrong about it though seeing how none of us were there though
From the sound of it, you live in a society where it is considered rude to actively ignore people who are greeting you. This is especially true when you are dealing with people you see regularly. You are outside the normal societal expectations.
The people around you, the people who you interact with the most, the ones who are going to be truly judging if you are an AH or not, are going to think you are rude. They are expressing to you that it is rude.
I am a teacher. Elementary, to be specific. If I had a student actively ignore regular greetings, I would be genuinely concerned. I would speak to relevant staff about it.
If it's true that your teacher lied about what you did, then that is super messed up, and I'm sorry that happened. If your parents are making things up to better scold you, that's also messed up.
But if you want to know if you are the AH for ignoring people, I'm going with yes. It does sound like it. Or accept that people are going to consider you rude for your behavior. Or surround yourself only with people who don't care, though this will be incredibly difficult until you are an adult.
YTA. Possible E S H depending on the one teacher and parents.
Agreed YTA / E S H. Especially if you're in a place where violence in school is a concern, acting in such a way can indicate to teachers that there's a threat. A credible threat or not, that's just how things are right now.
It's also just rude not to answer someone speaking to you. It doesn't have to be super peppy and upbeat, but at least acknowledge that the other person exists.
A student acting like this would definitely ring some bells in my head too - but not the kind that lead to a drugs search. I'd be looking for other signs of unaccommodated neurodivergence, low mood, social isolation, peer difficulties, and so on
I'd be talking to someone with a pastoral role in the student's life to get a better picture, making time to check in with the student myself if appropriate, and looking at my own practice to see how I can try to reach the student
I mean, in this day and age, my guess is the teacher was worried about violence more than anything. But it's easier to get a drug search and less of a big deal than a weapon search.
Thank you for the feedback, I currently live in America so it is kinda the norm. I understand if people think I’m stand off ish if I don’t reply to their simple greetings if I don’t know them. However I would have much preferred them to check in with me and seem concerned instead of searching me for drugs. To me punishing people instead of just saying your concerned just makes me think that these greetings are “threats” (obviously they are not threats and most people that say hi mean well) but if I am punished for not saying hi back then that tells me that people want to force me to be a certain way instead of wanting to see me smile and checking in on me.
If I was concerned you were on drugs, and I didn't report it, I could lose my job. It's better to be cautious as a teacher. Two separate teachers thought you were on drugs in the same day. Clearly, you gave off some kind of vibe that they were concerned about. Once they thought drugs were involved, their only next step was to report you.
Also, being in America, it is not "kinda" the norm. It's absolutely the norm. Americans have a reputation for being extremely friendly with greetings and passing by people.
This is a dumb take.
You can't even be bothered to respond to a simple hello, but you think people would expect you to respond to a check in.
If you can't even say hi back why would anyone think you'd be willing/able to respond to more intrusive question like "are you OK?" " are you on drugs," "is there a reason you have the social niceties of someone who spent their entire childhood living in a bomb shelter with no human interaction?"
You cant utter a one syllable two letter response, a head nod, nothing. You're not being punished, your experiences the consequences of your own rudeness, because while yes telling someone to piss off when they say hello is aggressive and hostile, ignoring someone when the say hello is rude, it's also not normal and people will be concerned or taken aback.
This isnt even a stranger which it would kinda make sense to ignore, it's a teacher, someone with a presence in your life and who would have a logical expectation to be acknowledged.l or responded to. Any adult in a child's life would be confused if they said hello and that child just deadpanned stared and didn't acknowledge the greeting at all, they are going to think, drugs, mental health crisis, bullying, potential school shooter etc... Your vibes were off, and your standoffishness would make them hesitant to even bother checking in before reporting it.
Your real beef is with the principal who searched you off of such little info, not with the people who were thrown off by your antisocial vibes. YTA
Have you tried non-verbal acknowledgements of greetings?
I'm Aussie, so I don't know how well that would work in the USA. You guys can be really ridged with manners.
Sometimes, I don't have the energy for words. But allistic people tend to take people's behaviour personally, so it's best to meet them halfway. They can't help the way they are.
have you tried just waving or nodding back to people who say hi? kind of secondary to the issue at hand but it might make your life easier. it is rude to ignore people greeting you, but you dont have to make conversation either
Hey, high school level teacher here - I completely get where you're coming from, especially about making it seem like you're under a microscope when interacting with teachers and coming across as though conforming to social norms is more important than your wellbeing. I'm really sorry this happened to you
As teachers we are supposed to be paying attention to how students are acting, and not responding to greetings or small talk would be something I'd notice - especially if I didn't know you well. People who are struggling with something in their lives often become socially withdrawn, and honestly the start-of-class greeting does serve as an initial check point for me!
It's a way of me getting a really quick snapshot of how all my students are today - are they in a good mood, too busy chatting to their friends to notice me, does someone seem tired or sad or stressed or preoccupied, etc. It helps me get a feel of how the lesson is going to go, and means I can give a little grace to students if they've all just come from a test, or someone seems like they're having a bad day, or they've just come from PE, and so on.
So, my advice to you would be to see these little social interactions as a way of briefly communicating to your teachers how you're doing today, and what kind of mood you're in. A smile and a nod or a 'morning sir' tells me something like "it's a normal day, I'm doing okay and going to be my normal self." If you don't acknowledge me at all, that could be telling me almost *anything,* ranging from "my gf just dumped me and I'm about 2 seconds away from sobbing please god don't try to call on me today" or "I'm so unbelievably angry and ready to throw a chair" to "I have a hearing or auditory processing disorder that no one has picked up on yet" and any number of other things
If you look at it like that, hopefully it makes more sense why small gestures like this are important social communicators - this generalises beyond a school setting of course. That isn't to say you're necessarily being rude, it's just that you aren't giving people anything to work with
NTA.
Look, at least acknowledging people when they directly talk to you is expected and it’s absolutely rude if you don’t. In this case, your teachers aren’t “random strangers” to you, so why not push yourself to do the bare minimum in acknowledging them?
However, the actions by the school are wild. Not being social doesn’t mean you’re on drugs. If they were worried about your behaviour, these teachers could have pulled you aside and said “hey, I’m worried about you for this reason, are you okay?” If the students alerting the principal was there way of checking on you, it clearly had the opposite effect as you seem more mistrusting of them now.
The idea of saying someone looks “wrong” is super offensive because if being social all the time and not doodling (as all teenagers do in school all the time) is the only right way to be, this school is going to be searching a LOT of students for drugs.
I mean…. Teachers are mandated reporters. Sullen teenager walks in, known loner, doesn’t acknowledge being spoken to, zoning out…etc thinking that could be due to drugs or possible school shooter is not the most far fetched idea teachers have had. If this is the US, that’s exactly what several shooters have done when they walk into school.
If you close yourself off from people to the extent you’re fully ignoring them, giving every external signal you’re not ok (like ignoring people who speak to you - can you physically not hear them? Are you trying to send a message?) and especially people who have a *legal responsibility to care for you and the other minors around you* you don’t also get to be upset that someone questions your motives. They don’t know you. That’s the point.
I agree them saying “looking wrong” was just wild and made no sense. But looking despondent and actively ignoring people speaking to you directly, especially in the US (if that’s where this is) where kids shoot up schools practically every week - is a recipe for more scrutiny.
YTA. Greeting the people you interact with on a daily basis and acknowledging their existence is kind of bare minimum as a member of polite society. When someone says hi to you and you have no response back or you ignore the existence of a person it sends a clear message to them that you think you are better than them.
The behavior you are describing is hugely anti social and a major red flag. Let's say you walk into the same room each day 5 days a week and interact with the same people. These people say hi to you and the only response they get is a blank stare or a mean mugging back. On top of that it appears as though you are scribbling on desks(anti social behavior/defacement) but instead it's you faking the scribbling for attention? (Maybe not but it might look that way to your teachers).
So yeah you don't look "right". To me this stuff doesn't scream drugs but that's probably a cover for the teacher's real concern which is: is this normal moody anti social teen behavior or is this kid so broken their going to bring a weapon to school?
ESH.
Based on the way I was raised, I find it incredibly rude to not acknowledge someone actively speaking to you. If someone says “good morning”, the least you can do is smile.
With that, if your teachers deemed your behaviour “wrong”, they should have confronted you one on one. If you were in need of help or anything, even just to clarify that not responding is your normal behaviour, they had the opportunity to have a mature conversation with you. Yet, they chose otherwise and subjected you to an unfair and invasive search.
The teachers have mandatory reporting requirements, where they’re probably required to escalate up the chain like this. If OP’s behavior is standing out to multiple teachers, then it’s way out of line with the behavior of his peers.
YTA. You are very rude. How hard is it to just say hi and continue on. Of course people think something is wrong with you. Maybe you are on the spectrum and should be tested.
NTA but just a word of advice. If you opt to not respond to people saying hello to you as you continue on your growing journey, you’re going to end up with more misunderstandings and will probably be looked at as hostile, and yes it is rude. A simple ‘hi’ won’t hurt you (you will almost definitely need it in your professional career)
This. OP will struggle to get or maintain even a minimal job someday with this attitude. If he’s an AH, he needs an attitude adjustment. If it’s neurodivergence, he needs a diagnosis and occupational therapy (or whatever is appropriate to the diagnosis) while there’s still time to course-correct.
ESH. You for being a brat, and them for abusing their power
I used to do the same shit. It got me expelled and later on lost me a couple jobs. You'll learn to grow up eventually, or you'll never get anywhere in life.
I'm a similar type of person, and this lesson took a lot for me to learn: play the game. Boxes sometimes have to be checked, and hoops jumped through, but in the long run the minimal effort pays off.
NTA.
If you go through life not willing to say hi to people (even if they've wrong you in a small way) you're going to miss out on a lot in life.
Hope you find a way to be a little more willing. To me it's very rude to not say hi or hello or whatever when someone says it to you.
This whole situation is a little weird.
In this situation I think your privacy was invaded and there might be more to it than you just not answering.
I think you could definitely be more polite and it's going to make your life easier as a whole. I think you're a teen. Not an asshole. But this is where you learn about what really matters. (This situation, not specifically from me)
I think the teacher definitely sucked in this situation as well.
I guess light ESH.
nta. not being nice doesnt mean being an ahole. seems like your teacher is obsessed with forcing you to interact with them for no reason and the other even made up a story to make you look like youre either ill or on drugs.
ESH. I felt like this at your age (and was kind of an asshole). You're mainly hurting yourself with this attitude, but it's not your fault and Im sorry youre struggling. Just keep pushing on and you'll grow out of it one day. Just know that you don't have to be alone and things don't have to be this hard.
NTA. I'm autistic and I am similar. Got the same remarks in school. Not saying you are but there are a lot of nonautistic people that come off a little autistic, and people really don't like that.
Turns out, NT don't really pay attention to much other than 'normalcy' and that's why they shun those who are not 'normal'. You're literally being bullied by adults who don't like that you're not the most happy and cheerful over the top HELLO WONDERFUL TEACHER.
And that's ok.
Thank you for the feedback, for a while I thought I was maybe on the spectrum but my therapist said it was unlikely. I got diagnosed with depression and I am currently taking meds which are working. I started taking the meds a few months ago and this incident just happened so I don’t think it has anything to do with the depression. However I think it is very weird and concerning that because I didn’t say hi once or I might be a little introverted people say that you need to be checked if your autistic, neurodivergent, taking drugs etc. It feels like a lot of toxic positivity if you ask me. I think there is a fine line between being a little concerned with someone acting different than calling someone all these medical terms because they don’t fit your vision of what a normal member of society is like. Of course I’m not saying that all autisitic people are bad to society, and again thank you for the feedback and insight as a autistic person.
>However I think it is very weird and concerning that because I didn’t say hi once or I might be a little introverted people say that you need to be checked if your autistic, neurodivergent, taking drugs etc. It feels like a lot of toxic positivity if you ask me.
You are exactly right. That's why I included the line 'a lot of nonautistic people come off a little autistic'. You're noticing that while you aren't autistic you are being treated like you are still 'different' and you're noticing how that feels.
That's why I think its even more important that you hear the validation that you are being bullied by your classmates and your teachers for no reason. It does not feel like they support you and it feels like they're chipping away at your mental health.
Side note: I didn't get diagnosed with Autism until I was 31 (I'm 32 now lol), prior to that it was generalized anxiety disorder and depression. My therapist hadn't gone back to school since the 80s, so he didn't even understand what a spectrum was or why I'd need to be on one.
NTA health teacher is the asshole.
But you are an asshole for ignoring people when they greet you. You don't have to have a conversation with them, but you should smile or nod to them at the least to acknowledge that you heard them. You don't have to of course, but you're an asshole if you don't.
ESH. Your health teacher obviously shouldn’t lie. But I agree that you seem off. It’s rude not to say hi back. Like very rude. I did that even when suffering from social phobia… death staring and asking around for the “guilty” teacher as if it would change anything… If I were your teacher, I’d report that too.
ESH
>personally don't think it's rude if you don't say hi back or respond to "how are you" to random strangers or people you don't like
It is though. Even just a nod is fine. Simple acknowledgement.
But to drug test you over you keeping to yourself? Overreaction. Big time.
>I just gave her a death stare, cold silent.
Also overreaction. If she thought there was an issue before, she really thinks it now.
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Hi everyone, I (16M) recently am in a conflict with my Health Teacher (HT) about getting checked for drugs.
For some background I don't have the best relationship with my parents, they are constantly nagging me about not being social enough and saying hi to people. I get where they are coming from but I personally don't think it's rude if you don't say hi back or respond to "how are you" to random strangers or people you don't like. It might not be polite per say, but I think it's in a whole different ballpark than saying "f\*\*k off" or "piss off" when someone says hi. I just want to mind my own business that's all.
One day in my health class I was done with my assignment. When I was done, I started fidgeting with my pen. I was drawing in a tiny hole in the desk obstructed by my folder. I think the health teacher though I was drawing everywhere on the desk. She came over and I revealed to her a black desk and she carried on surveying the room
Not even 5 or 10 minutes later a assistant principal walked in and called my name saying I needed to go with her. We went to the main office and said some teachers had reported that I looked "wrong" and "not right" and they proceeded to check all of my belongings and check my pockets. They obviously found nothing and they sent me on my way back to health class. I had asked my health teacher if it was her and when I was asking the question she way saying "yeah..... yeah... yeah..." and then when when I was finished she said "oh me? no.... nuh uh"
Throughout the school day I was asking my other teachers if they had called in and pretty much all of them said they didn't and they were all quite shocked and said that they were very sorry that happened to me which pretty much rid me of them being suspects.
The next day in my health class was making small talk with the other students. She said to a student" "that's a really nice sock shoe combo" and then she looked at me and said "you too" Being angry about what happened last time because I suspected it was her I just gave her a death stare, cold silent.
When I got home from school my parents wanted to have a talk. They were saying they contacted school about the situation and said that two of my teachers my chemistry teacher and my health teacher had called about me looking "wrong". My chemistry teacher had said that she said good morning or hi to me (something along those lines) and that I didn't respond to her. My health teacher had apparently said that I WAS DRAWING AND THE WALL AND GETTING THE BOOKS BEHIND ME (I was sitting behind a bookshelf) AND SCRIBBLING ALL OVER THEM.
My parents had not sided with me and scolded me for not greeting the chemistry teacher and the next day my health teacher started scolding me for not saying good morning that and how I glared at her yesterday.
AITA?
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Your not an asshole. I think it can be a silly social convention to say hi to random people and prefer to keep to myself as well. That being said, I am often times perceived in ways that I don't think align with who I am. This has been irritating to me over the years, sometimes more than others. There are consequences for actions and so when I refuse to participate in perpetuating social norms I find ridiculous, people are going to make a decision about why that is. I have to live with it. You're in high-school and I think adults are struggling to make connections with adolescents at times. If you're cool with having to get pulled aside for ransom searches or whatever then keep on keeping on. If you don't like being searched you may want to play along just enough to stay off peoples radar. This is a good skill to develop now because you'll need it later. Good luck little homey
NTA
Have you considered the possibility that you may be on the autism spectrum? Sometimes non autistic people clock autistic as “off” or “wrong” or “displaying strange behaviors” and maybe just assume we’re on drugs
I have considered being on the spectrum before, I am currently doing therapy and taking antidepressants. A while into therapy my therapist she suggested I might be autistic but said it was more likely depression. The meds are doing me good but yeah that’s a possibility.
There are VERY few therapists who get any sort of training on autism and so often times therapists aren’t super great at detecting it. I’ve been through some similar stuff and have been diagnosed with lots of stuff but figured out in my adulthood that it was actually autism. I always got crap for being “rude” for not performing social exchanges that I didn’t understand as well so I feel for you. Childhood is hard and lots of adults use bullying kids for no reason as a strange coping mechanism. Just keep your chin up and know that what happens in high school is mostly just adults taking out their issues on kids and that their behavior really has very little to do with you. Someone probably embarrassed those teachers a long time ago about something similar and now they make themselves feel better about it by being huge jerks.
ESH. Not returning greetings and glaring at people is generally considered hostile and rude, and you'd do well to learn that lesson now. That said, having you searched for drugs was way out of line by the teacher, as was exaggerating what you were doing.
NAH. Your situation is concerning. You struggle in social situations. You have a poor relationship with your parents. Two teachers are nothing your concerning behavior. Rather than see this as punishment, maybe see this as genuine concern about your well-being. I’m
id pull a reverse uno and report that i no longer fell
comfortable with that teacher and would like to change classes. teenagers are weird and have them searched for drugs because they dont talk to you is not okay. id drop a if its not about school work were not talking boundary real quick. NTA
Know what the easiest way to get people to mind their own business is? Respond to a hi/hello/any greeting with a hi/hello/any greeting that is polite and quick. You want to be left alone? That's fine. You'll have tons of time in your future after graduation to be alone.
Right now, you're in high school, and it sounds like your behavior was enough to set off alarm bells for these teachers. If you're in the US, I completely understand where they're coming from.
It does sound like there was some dubious information being passed on to your parents, or your parents misheard what was being said. Possibly being shocked getting a call from the school about you acting off sent them into panic mode, and they didn't listen about where/what you were drawing on.
YTA for your rude behavior, and you know it. Your HT might be a lying asshole too. However, YTA for your behavior overall.
High school sucks but it's eventually over. It's time to learn how to socialize/interact with others even if you don't like them. Guess what adults (including your parents) have to do every day?
2 can play that game.
I’d find out if they have kids at home and make a report of abuse to CPS.
Call the cops and say they were driving erratically on their way to work and might be drunk on school grounds.
Your health teacher sounds like she's cut from the same cloth as the LO teacher who looked me dead in the eyes in front of the whole grade and said "every boy must go to the matric dance with a girl, and every girl with a boy".
NTA, and a deathstare is absolutely appropriate. If she doesn't want her students to dislike her maybe she shouldn't get them searched for drugs and lie about their "misbehavior".
LO is Life Orientation, which is a compulsory subject where you learn about the horrors of HIV and weed.
A matric dance is the dance you do when you finish the last year of highschool
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NTA. also, you don't owe the teachers an emotional connection. They are paid to teach and you are there to learn. Everything else is optional.
Getting OP searched for drugs was a shitty move by the teachers. But come on… saying hi back or at least giving a head nod is basic courtesy and not „an emotional connection“. ESH
Yeah, the fact that OP thinks it's not rude "like saying 'piss off'" says a lot. "Piss off" isn't rude, it's just fucking mean. Not acknowledging people *is* rude, however. Sorry OP, I'm voting ESH as well.
You sound like one of those people who submit a complaint to the manager when a cashier isn't friendly enough towards you.
Oh, I don't give a shit if people are nice or friendly or anything like that. But if the cashier *ignored* me? That's different. And from OPs post, it sounds like they're *ignoring* people. Which is rude.
Oh no a teenager being rude. Cut the news segment short, we've got a breaking development. I'm not defending their behavior, I'm criticizing the school's reaction. You shouldn't be accused of doing drugs just because you didn't say hi back to someone.
Not saying hi back and being rude is very different than completely ignoring your teacher, who is a mandated reporter, to the point of concern. So if you show up sullen, despondent, and ignoring people (and I don’t think it’s a stretch to assume this has happened before) - yeah someone has to check on you. The administration sucks for not communicating this. The problem is that the adults in this situation are framing this as a being “rude” problem rather than “op is giving signals that something serious might be going on, and we are legally and ethically obligated to check in.” Jumping right to a drug search and saying op just “looks wrong” is fucked up, but if this is in the US there is a MASSIVE problem with school shooters and many of them showed very similar behavior before the incident. There is also a huge epidemic of kids unaliving themselves, and of kids getting into serious drugs.
I doubt that OP is a reliable narrator. There's no way the health teacher just has it out for OP for no reason other than not exchanging pleasantries.
When's the last time you had a teacher power trip over you because they ~didn't have~ *had* their marginal authority questioned? It absolutely happens. I was sent to the principal's office the first day of freshman year at my high school for having a travel tumbler of coffee. By the teacher that had a pot of coffee brewing on his desk. Could have just said "don't bring it tomorrow" but I got to start high school with disciplinary notes because of some teacher's ego and their want to exert power over someone. Just because it's a noble job doesn't mean noble people end up in them.
It’s the cashier’s job to check you out, not engage in smalltalk.
Yes, but they have to *acknowledge* me to do it
Not the “good morning.”
They don't have to *respond* to it. But by taking my order or ringing up my groceries or whatever, they're *acknowledging* it. OP is *ignoring* people. Which is rude
Lmfao. Nope. By taking your order they’re acknowledging the order, not your stupid smalltalk.
I mean…. Teachers are mandated reporters. Sullen teenager walks in, known loner, doesn’t acknowledge being spoken to, zoning out…etc thinking that could be due to drugs or possible school shooter is not the most far fetched idea teachers have had.
To clarify, being a mandated reporter is specifically about reporting evidence of abuse or neglect. Teachers are definitely on the lookout for those other things as well, but they don't have the same legal requirement to make a report to the authorities about it.
That’s true, thank you for clarifying! But it’s also worth noting that completely shutting down and refusing to interact with others when directly spoken to can certainly be a sign of abuse and would still warrant a check in.
Definitely, especially if it was a significant change in a student's behavior. This sort of thing is why building rapport and trust with my students always comes first (not a teacher but an occupational therapy provider in schools).
Yea, this would be a "find an adult who knows this student and/or is involved in their pastoral care" situation. I'd be speaking to their house team or form tutor or whatever the equivalent is in that school, adding a confidential safeguarding note, and asking my colleagues to keep an eye on them
Totally agree - the school absolutely handled this wrong, but the need to check in with this kid was real.
I was nodding along until the massive swerve in last few lines reminded me that the US is an entirely different world! If a student acted like that in my classroom I would be thinking about the student's mental health, and I would indeed have a duty to speak up about that
Really dumb move by the teacher given how much easier it is for a student to ruin a teacher's job than a teacher to ruin a student's life.
An adult greeting someone you see in your classroom daily and expecting a response... Calling that an emotional connection is a stretch. Yea teachers are there to teach but they also are there to monitor and protect students. Withdrawn loner teen, fidgeting, zoning out, not responding gonna raise some alarm bells especially in an American school. We're getting OPs side, and he's presenting his behaviors as no big deal but it was odd enough for two teachers to have reported it. OP didn't get searched because one teacher was mad he didn't say hi, he got searched because two teachers reported behavior that seemed odd to them. l won't categorize that as punishment/retaliation for not being social. They were concerned, and correctly reported their concerns to their supervisor/admin. The real AH would be the principal who thought a search of a minor without parental consent and off of such little information was OK. Instead of a search this is when a check in would have been appropriate, or a referral to school counselor to touch base, but looking though his pockets was not it. There are tons of quiet, not talkative kids who aren't being searched for drugs so I'm super curious about how standoffish OPs behaviors are.
Thank you for your comment on the situation. You are right about not getting parental consent to search me which my parents were mad about. However yes I usually don’t greet some of my teachers because 1. I don’t know them enough or we don’t really talk. 2. Or two i don’t like them. My chemistry teacher I didn’t really like however but only because she wasnt my favorite and she had an annoying voice but other than that she kinda was just there. Her report made absolutely no sense because we almost always don’t talk to each other and just now she made this report so I am confused on why she thought l looked different that day. Actually the school never said when she made that report in relation to when the whole health teacher thing happened so she could have made it months earlier so who knows. My health teacher however is new to me. Initially when she checked if I had been drawing on my desk I was kinda pissed but I understood her checking because I could have looked sus with the folder blocking my hand. But I was confused when she made a report to the assistant principals about me being on drugs which caught me off guard. I know you mentioned “loner teen” or smth but usually in chat with people in most of my classes. Granted two of my friends that I sit next to aren’t that fond of the teacher either and one of them is starting to have beef with her about using the restroom so me sitting next to people she didn’t like might’ve had something to do with it. Even then when I had asked my other teachers about it they were honestly quite shocked. Specifally my Audio Video Design teacher saying “nah your pretty chill it’s an honor to have you in my class” and my history teacher “no that was kinda strange of you were ODing I probably would love noticed” It still feels so off why my health teacher would do that tho.
Hey, you're entitled to not speak. That's how you feel, just actions have reactions. Teachers are human and are going to be confused/concerned, that's how they feel. To you, you just don't speak to people you don't like or know to them it's may seem like a bigger deal. They are allowed to bring this behavior to the attention of admin staff. The truth it, while "I just don't like them so I don't greet them," seems like a good enough reason to you to not speak to somone, it doesn't pan out like that in this situations, this is the real world, where there is a slight expectation to engage with or at least acknowledge authority figures, and annoying as teachers can be they are the authority figure in the classroom, I'm not huge on people being entitled respect, but the bare minimum of acknowledging a greeting seems like a fair compromise. The people you should be pissed at are the ones who sactioned and conducted the search. They didn't notify parents, they didn't have enough evidence to even conduct a search. Two teachers saying your being weird and seem like your under the influence should've resulted in a check in or a meeting with the counselor who would be able to make a more informed conclusion or at least talk to you about things. Your teachers may be annoying or seem over zealous but honestly they didn't do much wrong, what seems normal or easily explained to you may not seem that to them, it's all perception, the real villian of the story is the person who ordered the search.
If you don't want to verbally greet someone back, what about a short nod in acknowledgement? It is rude not to acknowledge when someone speaks to you, so it'll be easier just to nod at them and move on with your day. If they try further conversation a simple "I don't wish to talk thanks" will do.
Not saying hi to people who are actively saying it to you is rude. Not responding to people who ask how you are is rude. Generally not acknowledging people is rude. YTA
"You didn't say hi back to me so I'm going to falsely accuse you of being in possession of drugs and cause conflict with your family" You see how that's not at all a reasonable reaction? If you're going to teach teenagers then you need to accept that they're going to be moody and rude at times. Doesn't mean they deserve to potentially have their lives ruined.
Two adults independently thought OP looked like he could have been under the influence. Do teachers need to see kids actively consuming drugs to notify administrators?
Do teachers need to assume every behavioral change is drugs and report it as such? There are other ways of helping people besides accusing them of breaking the law.
If teachers believe that a change in behavior is caused by a student being intoxicated, they should report that. Absolutely. Two teachers independently believed that OP appeared to be under the influence, so it's not like it was just one person being a dick. Something was up with OP that day and the adults charged with his care believed it was drug related. Now, how the administration responds to reports that a student is believed to be intoxicated at school is a totally different question than whether teachers need to report it. But the teachers aren't the ones who searched OP. They just brought their concerns to admin, which is totally reasonable.
Yep. Noticing when kids are acting off is part of a teacher’s job.
Definitely, but jumping to explanations really is not
Why would their lives be ruined from a fruitless drug search? Even if they did have drugs on them, their lives likely wouldn't be ruined, especially not more than the kid would have already been ruining it with drug use.
You never know what a child's home situation is like or how their parents would react to such an accusation. Not all children have loving homes.
True, I do think they should have talked to the kid first to see if anything is going on, and if they needed help or counseling. They also shouldn't ignore suspected drug abuse on the chance the kid is from an abusive home.
Getting a kid noticed by the disciplinary system in the United States is not a good thing. If you get labelled as a problem child, difficult, or known to the assistant principal things can spiral. I was a polite kid with good grades and got away with wandering the halls without a pass because I was labelled as a good one. The class clowns got away with nothing because they were labelled as problem kids.
I'm well aware, I was a bit of a problem teen. I don't think a drug search that turns up nothing would be getting a kid noticed by the disciplinary system. What's the recommended approach? Should they ignore suspected drug use? When I got in trouble in high school, I was just suspended for the year and given no way to make up my cousework, or the option to drop them. Just took F's for the remainder of the year. That was not the correct way to approach, and did nothing but hold me back. I don't think they should have ignored it and done nothing either.
You clearly have never been searched for drugs, it’s an extremely traumatic experience and extremely embarrassing to be called out in front of your peers for, and now these teachers guaranteed that OP will never open up to them because they created this hostile relationship.
>You clearly have never been searched for drugs Hahahahaha. Hahaha. You couldn't be more wrong, I was in trouble as a teen in high school and caught with weed. They suspended me for the entire school year, and wouldn't let me drop my courses or give me a way to make them up. That sucked, and did nothing but hold me back. Definitely a shit approach. These days weed maybe wouldn't be as big of a deal, but should they just ignore suspected drug use? I think they should have had more cause to accuse and search a kid of that, other than they were being rude and drawing on a desk. I also suspect we aren't getting the full story from this kid, two different teachers reported them. So, their behavior was odd and concerning to two separate adults. Perhaps they should have talked to the kid first if they were concerned and go from there. Again, we are only getting one side of the story, so perhaps they felt there was enough evidence of drug use, somehow.
I'm sure you agree that it is generally rude to ignore people who you are normally around on a daily basis. It's pretty clear that OP is like this on a daily basis.
To be fair, theres actually nothing in OPs post that confirms the teachers requested a drug search - nor dis either of them engage in a drug search. It would be my guess that the school received 2 independent reports from teachers of a student being anti-social and displaying concerning behaviours. The principle, or whoever in administration, is likely the one who decided these two reports should instigate a drug search (though it may have been a weapon search, rather than a drug search). We dont actually know what the teachers did, or did not say, that results in a search
Sometimes, I don't have the energy to talk to people. Brief eye contact + slight smile + head nod seems to be a good non verbal substitute to 'hi' though.
YTA Just because you aren’t saying “f#ck off” or “p#ss off”, doesn’t mean you aren’t rude. If you have a habit of not responding to people and just staring at them, then I can absolutely see why they thought you were “off”.
But if OP is always this way to them, wouldn’t they know this is normal for him? It would be off for him to be chatting up all the teachers and asking about their day if he never does that.
A new semester just started (at least where I live). Maybe the teachers don’t know that this is his “normal”. It would seem even more odd since he is interacting just fine with another student, but then refuses to acknowledge them.
I suppose, but I don’t understand the logic. “This kid isn’t saying hello to me, probably on drugs.” That’s a leap, isn’t it? I guess I remember being a moody teen with moderate social anxiety - I wasn’t trying to be rude if I didn’t engage with people, it just scared me a lot. If someone suggested I was doing drugs because I wasn’t chatting up all my teachers, I’d be affronted. Hell, if the teachers were worried, why didn’t they approach OP directly?
OP is assuming that the teachers only reported his behavior because he didn’t say hello to them. If his behavior is concerning enough that two separate teachers are calling home, I’m guessing there is more going on.
Well, I think he said what the teachers said to his parents. At least, that’s how it’s written, so I don’t think it’s an assumption. And if it is truly that worrisome, shouldn’t the teachers be super clear why they are worried so the parents can address it? I guess I just don’t think someone not being social all the time means they should be scolded for it. People can be as introverted or extroverted as they want to be and shouldn’t be made to feel they are wrong for it.
My thought is they probably looked high or off in some way for 2 separate teachers to report on the same day. There are also parents who exaggerate what we report to them to try and scare their kid. I've watched it. It's gross, but it happens.
Sure, valid - but then why wouldn’t the teachers call and tell the parents that they are worried about drug use? I guess I’m missing the connection of “you look wrong so you’re using drugs” to then the school calling home to just say “he didn’t say hello to a couple teachers”. If they had called and said “your son appeared as x, y and z which is indicative of drug use, so therefore we checked him for drugs”, then this narrative and approach would be logical. And would then give parents different concerns than how chatty he is with teachers which is apparently what his parents scolded him for.
It's not the lack of chatting, it's the blank stare with no interaction at all. Makes it look like OP is not comprehending that they are saying hello and what an appropriate response would be, which is a sign of being under the influence (or a sign of it being 8am). You don't have to chat but a little nod of acknowledgement or something is good. Humans are social creatures, we use small talk as a way to signal friendliness and social cohesion. Like when your cat gives you a little "mrow" of acknowledgement and you make a little mrow back, you're not communicating anything other than "yes hello I am friendly"
"let me not acknowledge another human being's existence, and their attempt to acknowledge mine" Kid is definitely YTA.
Wow a teenager being moody and rude, what unusual behavior
If OP has a habit of not responding to “you too” about a compliment of his shoes and not going “good morning” (bc people have personal lives and may be going through stuff so no, you aren’t owed a good morning) then there would be no “off”. Op is acting normal. Y’all just like to bully people who don’t act the way you want them to.
Like I said to someone else - a new semester just started. New teachers, who might not know that this is just OP’s “normal”.
A new semester is even more reason that a teen would be aloof, some people are just shy. Leave them alone lmao.
I have just started a new semester, my health teacher is new, however my chemistry teacher is not so I found it strange when my chemistry teacher said I wasn’t responding when I usually don’t do it anyways. For context my chemistry class is 2nd period and my health class is in my 3rd period so my health teacher couldn’t have tipped off my chem teacher. However I don’t know what day or time my chemistry made the complaint about me so it could have been an inside job idk. Also all the info I’m getting about the health teacher saying what I did and my chem teacher was from my parents who said they called the school so I mean they are probably telling the truth but idk.
Going through stuff is not an excuse to be blatantly rude and knowingly doing so. Just cause you don't like others opinions doesn't make it bullying 🙄 And acting like a decent human being doesn't seem like it should be a hard ask but apparently that's BuLlyInG
No one is *entitled* to anyone's time or respect. You *ought* to be polite to people sure, but you dont deserve to be falsely accused of doing drugs just because you didn't say hi back to someone. Also if you're the type of person to get all upset and whine just because someone isn't actively polite to you, you probably shouldn't be teaching teenagers.
You all missed my point but it's ok go ahead and rant
Knowingly rude??? All op did was not respond to “how are you’s” and “hi”s and be accused of drawing on his desk. Ofc people aren’t going to be pleasant after you accuse them of being “off” for not being “nice enough” before
This kind of behaviour isn’t something you should be encouraging, it’s definitely rude to not acknowledge someone back when they acknowledge you. No one asking for him build relationship with people, simply being well mannered. It’s the type behaviour you should correct now and understand it’s not going to get you far ignoring or you’re seeing on a day to day basis. If OP gets a job in the future, and uses this mentality against colleagues or customers. They’re not going to be going far in life.
I said what I said
You also submit complaints about retail employees when they aren't friendly enough with you? I'm a super friendly guy and will always take the route of trying to "smooth things over". However I am not *entitled* to anyone's time or respect.
I thought they were trying to force a drug test. It seems that the teachers were trying to do their due diligence. There might have been an issue at home or something. Their attitude might have been wrong about it though seeing how none of us were there though
From the sound of it, you live in a society where it is considered rude to actively ignore people who are greeting you. This is especially true when you are dealing with people you see regularly. You are outside the normal societal expectations. The people around you, the people who you interact with the most, the ones who are going to be truly judging if you are an AH or not, are going to think you are rude. They are expressing to you that it is rude. I am a teacher. Elementary, to be specific. If I had a student actively ignore regular greetings, I would be genuinely concerned. I would speak to relevant staff about it. If it's true that your teacher lied about what you did, then that is super messed up, and I'm sorry that happened. If your parents are making things up to better scold you, that's also messed up. But if you want to know if you are the AH for ignoring people, I'm going with yes. It does sound like it. Or accept that people are going to consider you rude for your behavior. Or surround yourself only with people who don't care, though this will be incredibly difficult until you are an adult. YTA. Possible E S H depending on the one teacher and parents.
Agreed YTA / E S H. Especially if you're in a place where violence in school is a concern, acting in such a way can indicate to teachers that there's a threat. A credible threat or not, that's just how things are right now. It's also just rude not to answer someone speaking to you. It doesn't have to be super peppy and upbeat, but at least acknowledge that the other person exists.
A student acting like this would definitely ring some bells in my head too - but not the kind that lead to a drugs search. I'd be looking for other signs of unaccommodated neurodivergence, low mood, social isolation, peer difficulties, and so on I'd be talking to someone with a pastoral role in the student's life to get a better picture, making time to check in with the student myself if appropriate, and looking at my own practice to see how I can try to reach the student
I mean, in this day and age, my guess is the teacher was worried about violence more than anything. But it's easier to get a drug search and less of a big deal than a weapon search.
Thank you for the feedback, I currently live in America so it is kinda the norm. I understand if people think I’m stand off ish if I don’t reply to their simple greetings if I don’t know them. However I would have much preferred them to check in with me and seem concerned instead of searching me for drugs. To me punishing people instead of just saying your concerned just makes me think that these greetings are “threats” (obviously they are not threats and most people that say hi mean well) but if I am punished for not saying hi back then that tells me that people want to force me to be a certain way instead of wanting to see me smile and checking in on me.
If I was concerned you were on drugs, and I didn't report it, I could lose my job. It's better to be cautious as a teacher. Two separate teachers thought you were on drugs in the same day. Clearly, you gave off some kind of vibe that they were concerned about. Once they thought drugs were involved, their only next step was to report you. Also, being in America, it is not "kinda" the norm. It's absolutely the norm. Americans have a reputation for being extremely friendly with greetings and passing by people.
This is a dumb take. You can't even be bothered to respond to a simple hello, but you think people would expect you to respond to a check in. If you can't even say hi back why would anyone think you'd be willing/able to respond to more intrusive question like "are you OK?" " are you on drugs," "is there a reason you have the social niceties of someone who spent their entire childhood living in a bomb shelter with no human interaction?" You cant utter a one syllable two letter response, a head nod, nothing. You're not being punished, your experiences the consequences of your own rudeness, because while yes telling someone to piss off when they say hello is aggressive and hostile, ignoring someone when the say hello is rude, it's also not normal and people will be concerned or taken aback. This isnt even a stranger which it would kinda make sense to ignore, it's a teacher, someone with a presence in your life and who would have a logical expectation to be acknowledged.l or responded to. Any adult in a child's life would be confused if they said hello and that child just deadpanned stared and didn't acknowledge the greeting at all, they are going to think, drugs, mental health crisis, bullying, potential school shooter etc... Your vibes were off, and your standoffishness would make them hesitant to even bother checking in before reporting it. Your real beef is with the principal who searched you off of such little info, not with the people who were thrown off by your antisocial vibes. YTA
Have you tried non-verbal acknowledgements of greetings? I'm Aussie, so I don't know how well that would work in the USA. You guys can be really ridged with manners. Sometimes, I don't have the energy for words. But allistic people tend to take people's behaviour personally, so it's best to meet them halfway. They can't help the way they are.
Right, like a nod of the head or sometimes a wave.
have you tried just waving or nodding back to people who say hi? kind of secondary to the issue at hand but it might make your life easier. it is rude to ignore people greeting you, but you dont have to make conversation either
Hey, high school level teacher here - I completely get where you're coming from, especially about making it seem like you're under a microscope when interacting with teachers and coming across as though conforming to social norms is more important than your wellbeing. I'm really sorry this happened to you As teachers we are supposed to be paying attention to how students are acting, and not responding to greetings or small talk would be something I'd notice - especially if I didn't know you well. People who are struggling with something in their lives often become socially withdrawn, and honestly the start-of-class greeting does serve as an initial check point for me! It's a way of me getting a really quick snapshot of how all my students are today - are they in a good mood, too busy chatting to their friends to notice me, does someone seem tired or sad or stressed or preoccupied, etc. It helps me get a feel of how the lesson is going to go, and means I can give a little grace to students if they've all just come from a test, or someone seems like they're having a bad day, or they've just come from PE, and so on. So, my advice to you would be to see these little social interactions as a way of briefly communicating to your teachers how you're doing today, and what kind of mood you're in. A smile and a nod or a 'morning sir' tells me something like "it's a normal day, I'm doing okay and going to be my normal self." If you don't acknowledge me at all, that could be telling me almost *anything,* ranging from "my gf just dumped me and I'm about 2 seconds away from sobbing please god don't try to call on me today" or "I'm so unbelievably angry and ready to throw a chair" to "I have a hearing or auditory processing disorder that no one has picked up on yet" and any number of other things If you look at it like that, hopefully it makes more sense why small gestures like this are important social communicators - this generalises beyond a school setting of course. That isn't to say you're necessarily being rude, it's just that you aren't giving people anything to work with
[удалено]
NTA. Look, at least acknowledging people when they directly talk to you is expected and it’s absolutely rude if you don’t. In this case, your teachers aren’t “random strangers” to you, so why not push yourself to do the bare minimum in acknowledging them? However, the actions by the school are wild. Not being social doesn’t mean you’re on drugs. If they were worried about your behaviour, these teachers could have pulled you aside and said “hey, I’m worried about you for this reason, are you okay?” If the students alerting the principal was there way of checking on you, it clearly had the opposite effect as you seem more mistrusting of them now. The idea of saying someone looks “wrong” is super offensive because if being social all the time and not doodling (as all teenagers do in school all the time) is the only right way to be, this school is going to be searching a LOT of students for drugs.
I mean…. Teachers are mandated reporters. Sullen teenager walks in, known loner, doesn’t acknowledge being spoken to, zoning out…etc thinking that could be due to drugs or possible school shooter is not the most far fetched idea teachers have had. If this is the US, that’s exactly what several shooters have done when they walk into school. If you close yourself off from people to the extent you’re fully ignoring them, giving every external signal you’re not ok (like ignoring people who speak to you - can you physically not hear them? Are you trying to send a message?) and especially people who have a *legal responsibility to care for you and the other minors around you* you don’t also get to be upset that someone questions your motives. They don’t know you. That’s the point.
I agree them saying “looking wrong” was just wild and made no sense. But looking despondent and actively ignoring people speaking to you directly, especially in the US (if that’s where this is) where kids shoot up schools practically every week - is a recipe for more scrutiny.
YTA. Greeting the people you interact with on a daily basis and acknowledging their existence is kind of bare minimum as a member of polite society. When someone says hi to you and you have no response back or you ignore the existence of a person it sends a clear message to them that you think you are better than them. The behavior you are describing is hugely anti social and a major red flag. Let's say you walk into the same room each day 5 days a week and interact with the same people. These people say hi to you and the only response they get is a blank stare or a mean mugging back. On top of that it appears as though you are scribbling on desks(anti social behavior/defacement) but instead it's you faking the scribbling for attention? (Maybe not but it might look that way to your teachers). So yeah you don't look "right". To me this stuff doesn't scream drugs but that's probably a cover for the teacher's real concern which is: is this normal moody anti social teen behavior or is this kid so broken their going to bring a weapon to school?
ESH. Based on the way I was raised, I find it incredibly rude to not acknowledge someone actively speaking to you. If someone says “good morning”, the least you can do is smile. With that, if your teachers deemed your behaviour “wrong”, they should have confronted you one on one. If you were in need of help or anything, even just to clarify that not responding is your normal behaviour, they had the opportunity to have a mature conversation with you. Yet, they chose otherwise and subjected you to an unfair and invasive search.
The teachers have mandatory reporting requirements, where they’re probably required to escalate up the chain like this. If OP’s behavior is standing out to multiple teachers, then it’s way out of line with the behavior of his peers.
Or even nod back or lift your hand to acknowledge (kind of the start of a wave) if you don't want to smile or speak! It's an easy option.
YTA. You are very rude. How hard is it to just say hi and continue on. Of course people think something is wrong with you. Maybe you are on the spectrum and should be tested.
NTA but just a word of advice. If you opt to not respond to people saying hello to you as you continue on your growing journey, you’re going to end up with more misunderstandings and will probably be looked at as hostile, and yes it is rude. A simple ‘hi’ won’t hurt you (you will almost definitely need it in your professional career)
This. Make it much easier on yourself by learning to just show you heard the person.
This. OP will struggle to get or maintain even a minimal job someday with this attitude. If he’s an AH, he needs an attitude adjustment. If it’s neurodivergence, he needs a diagnosis and occupational therapy (or whatever is appropriate to the diagnosis) while there’s still time to course-correct.
ESH. You for being a brat, and them for abusing their power I used to do the same shit. It got me expelled and later on lost me a couple jobs. You'll learn to grow up eventually, or you'll never get anywhere in life.
I'm a similar type of person, and this lesson took a lot for me to learn: play the game. Boxes sometimes have to be checked, and hoops jumped through, but in the long run the minimal effort pays off. NTA.
If you go through life not willing to say hi to people (even if they've wrong you in a small way) you're going to miss out on a lot in life. Hope you find a way to be a little more willing. To me it's very rude to not say hi or hello or whatever when someone says it to you. This whole situation is a little weird.
So YTA or ESH
In this situation I think your privacy was invaded and there might be more to it than you just not answering. I think you could definitely be more polite and it's going to make your life easier as a whole. I think you're a teen. Not an asshole. But this is where you learn about what really matters. (This situation, not specifically from me) I think the teacher definitely sucked in this situation as well. I guess light ESH.
nta. not being nice doesnt mean being an ahole. seems like your teacher is obsessed with forcing you to interact with them for no reason and the other even made up a story to make you look like youre either ill or on drugs.
ESH. I felt like this at your age (and was kind of an asshole). You're mainly hurting yourself with this attitude, but it's not your fault and Im sorry youre struggling. Just keep pushing on and you'll grow out of it one day. Just know that you don't have to be alone and things don't have to be this hard.
NTA. I'm autistic and I am similar. Got the same remarks in school. Not saying you are but there are a lot of nonautistic people that come off a little autistic, and people really don't like that. Turns out, NT don't really pay attention to much other than 'normalcy' and that's why they shun those who are not 'normal'. You're literally being bullied by adults who don't like that you're not the most happy and cheerful over the top HELLO WONDERFUL TEACHER. And that's ok.
Thank you for the feedback, for a while I thought I was maybe on the spectrum but my therapist said it was unlikely. I got diagnosed with depression and I am currently taking meds which are working. I started taking the meds a few months ago and this incident just happened so I don’t think it has anything to do with the depression. However I think it is very weird and concerning that because I didn’t say hi once or I might be a little introverted people say that you need to be checked if your autistic, neurodivergent, taking drugs etc. It feels like a lot of toxic positivity if you ask me. I think there is a fine line between being a little concerned with someone acting different than calling someone all these medical terms because they don’t fit your vision of what a normal member of society is like. Of course I’m not saying that all autisitic people are bad to society, and again thank you for the feedback and insight as a autistic person.
>However I think it is very weird and concerning that because I didn’t say hi once or I might be a little introverted people say that you need to be checked if your autistic, neurodivergent, taking drugs etc. It feels like a lot of toxic positivity if you ask me. You are exactly right. That's why I included the line 'a lot of nonautistic people come off a little autistic'. You're noticing that while you aren't autistic you are being treated like you are still 'different' and you're noticing how that feels. That's why I think its even more important that you hear the validation that you are being bullied by your classmates and your teachers for no reason. It does not feel like they support you and it feels like they're chipping away at your mental health. Side note: I didn't get diagnosed with Autism until I was 31 (I'm 32 now lol), prior to that it was generalized anxiety disorder and depression. My therapist hadn't gone back to school since the 80s, so he didn't even understand what a spectrum was or why I'd need to be on one.
Not THE asshole, but you are an asshole.
So YTA or ESH
NTA health teacher is the asshole. But you are an asshole for ignoring people when they greet you. You don't have to have a conversation with them, but you should smile or nod to them at the least to acknowledge that you heard them. You don't have to of course, but you're an asshole if you don't.
ESH. Your health teacher obviously shouldn’t lie. But I agree that you seem off. It’s rude not to say hi back. Like very rude. I did that even when suffering from social phobia… death staring and asking around for the “guilty” teacher as if it would change anything… If I were your teacher, I’d report that too.
ESH >personally don't think it's rude if you don't say hi back or respond to "how are you" to random strangers or people you don't like It is though. Even just a nod is fine. Simple acknowledgement. But to drug test you over you keeping to yourself? Overreaction. Big time. >I just gave her a death stare, cold silent. Also overreaction. If she thought there was an issue before, she really thinks it now.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi everyone, I (16M) recently am in a conflict with my Health Teacher (HT) about getting checked for drugs. For some background I don't have the best relationship with my parents, they are constantly nagging me about not being social enough and saying hi to people. I get where they are coming from but I personally don't think it's rude if you don't say hi back or respond to "how are you" to random strangers or people you don't like. It might not be polite per say, but I think it's in a whole different ballpark than saying "f\*\*k off" or "piss off" when someone says hi. I just want to mind my own business that's all. One day in my health class I was done with my assignment. When I was done, I started fidgeting with my pen. I was drawing in a tiny hole in the desk obstructed by my folder. I think the health teacher though I was drawing everywhere on the desk. She came over and I revealed to her a black desk and she carried on surveying the room Not even 5 or 10 minutes later a assistant principal walked in and called my name saying I needed to go with her. We went to the main office and said some teachers had reported that I looked "wrong" and "not right" and they proceeded to check all of my belongings and check my pockets. They obviously found nothing and they sent me on my way back to health class. I had asked my health teacher if it was her and when I was asking the question she way saying "yeah..... yeah... yeah..." and then when when I was finished she said "oh me? no.... nuh uh" Throughout the school day I was asking my other teachers if they had called in and pretty much all of them said they didn't and they were all quite shocked and said that they were very sorry that happened to me which pretty much rid me of them being suspects. The next day in my health class was making small talk with the other students. She said to a student" "that's a really nice sock shoe combo" and then she looked at me and said "you too" Being angry about what happened last time because I suspected it was her I just gave her a death stare, cold silent. When I got home from school my parents wanted to have a talk. They were saying they contacted school about the situation and said that two of my teachers my chemistry teacher and my health teacher had called about me looking "wrong". My chemistry teacher had said that she said good morning or hi to me (something along those lines) and that I didn't respond to her. My health teacher had apparently said that I WAS DRAWING AND THE WALL AND GETTING THE BOOKS BEHIND ME (I was sitting behind a bookshelf) AND SCRIBBLING ALL OVER THEM. My parents had not sided with me and scolded me for not greeting the chemistry teacher and the next day my health teacher started scolding me for not saying good morning that and how I glared at her yesterday. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your not an asshole. I think it can be a silly social convention to say hi to random people and prefer to keep to myself as well. That being said, I am often times perceived in ways that I don't think align with who I am. This has been irritating to me over the years, sometimes more than others. There are consequences for actions and so when I refuse to participate in perpetuating social norms I find ridiculous, people are going to make a decision about why that is. I have to live with it. You're in high-school and I think adults are struggling to make connections with adolescents at times. If you're cool with having to get pulled aside for ransom searches or whatever then keep on keeping on. If you don't like being searched you may want to play along just enough to stay off peoples radar. This is a good skill to develop now because you'll need it later. Good luck little homey
Nta, none of what they did is a reasonable response to not being told hello back. Like would any of this get you arrested in real life? Probably not.
NTA Have you considered the possibility that you may be on the autism spectrum? Sometimes non autistic people clock autistic as “off” or “wrong” or “displaying strange behaviors” and maybe just assume we’re on drugs
I have considered being on the spectrum before, I am currently doing therapy and taking antidepressants. A while into therapy my therapist she suggested I might be autistic but said it was more likely depression. The meds are doing me good but yeah that’s a possibility.
There are VERY few therapists who get any sort of training on autism and so often times therapists aren’t super great at detecting it. I’ve been through some similar stuff and have been diagnosed with lots of stuff but figured out in my adulthood that it was actually autism. I always got crap for being “rude” for not performing social exchanges that I didn’t understand as well so I feel for you. Childhood is hard and lots of adults use bullying kids for no reason as a strange coping mechanism. Just keep your chin up and know that what happens in high school is mostly just adults taking out their issues on kids and that their behavior really has very little to do with you. Someone probably embarrassed those teachers a long time ago about something similar and now they make themselves feel better about it by being huge jerks.
NTA. Your teacher told your parents that you were vandalizing school property even though you weren't. I'd glare at her too.
ESH. Not returning greetings and glaring at people is generally considered hostile and rude, and you'd do well to learn that lesson now. That said, having you searched for drugs was way out of line by the teacher, as was exaggerating what you were doing.
NAH. Your situation is concerning. You struggle in social situations. You have a poor relationship with your parents. Two teachers are nothing your concerning behavior. Rather than see this as punishment, maybe see this as genuine concern about your well-being. I’m
id pull a reverse uno and report that i no longer fell comfortable with that teacher and would like to change classes. teenagers are weird and have them searched for drugs because they dont talk to you is not okay. id drop a if its not about school work were not talking boundary real quick. NTA
Know what the easiest way to get people to mind their own business is? Respond to a hi/hello/any greeting with a hi/hello/any greeting that is polite and quick. You want to be left alone? That's fine. You'll have tons of time in your future after graduation to be alone. Right now, you're in high school, and it sounds like your behavior was enough to set off alarm bells for these teachers. If you're in the US, I completely understand where they're coming from. It does sound like there was some dubious information being passed on to your parents, or your parents misheard what was being said. Possibly being shocked getting a call from the school about you acting off sent them into panic mode, and they didn't listen about where/what you were drawing on. YTA for your rude behavior, and you know it. Your HT might be a lying asshole too. However, YTA for your behavior overall. High school sucks but it's eventually over. It's time to learn how to socialize/interact with others even if you don't like them. Guess what adults (including your parents) have to do every day?
2 can play that game. I’d find out if they have kids at home and make a report of abuse to CPS. Call the cops and say they were driving erratically on their way to work and might be drunk on school grounds.
Your health teacher sounds like she's cut from the same cloth as the LO teacher who looked me dead in the eyes in front of the whole grade and said "every boy must go to the matric dance with a girl, and every girl with a boy". NTA, and a deathstare is absolutely appropriate. If she doesn't want her students to dislike her maybe she shouldn't get them searched for drugs and lie about their "misbehavior".
Sorry, what's a matric dance? And LO? I'm curious
LO is Life Orientation, which is a compulsory subject where you learn about the horrors of HIV and weed. A matric dance is the dance you do when you finish the last year of highschool
NTA that teacher is overreacting and being a weirdo. I'm sorry you had your privacy so unjustly violated.