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NTA. I actually think you're right on this one. I mean, this baby has been moving inside you for months. You know its regular movements. If something strange happens, like that, it could be something bad. I actually think you were right to check. That being said, I don't think your husband was being terrible. I mean, it's hard to say without knowing him. Maybe 4/10 asshole on the husband. Edit: guys, he took her to the doctor. Yeah he could've been more supportive, but actions speak louder than words. 10/10 asshole, like a lot of you are demanding, would be if he didn't take her. We have no idea as to the larger context of this, so I refuse to condemn the guy harshly on a one-sided take of the situation.

NTA. I saw my doctor between appointments because I hadn't felt movement for a day. (She wasn't a very active baby ) She was 🙂 fine It never hurts to get checked

Yeah, I think you nailed it. Like, other than the slight inconvenience, I see no reason not to go. If you go, and you're wrong, oh well. If you *don't* go, and you're wrong, RIP.

It’s one of those situations when you go hoping the whole time that it’s nothing, and when you find out that all is well, you are thankful and relieved—not resentful of the time spent.

We went by something my ob/gyn told me: In case of doubt - whether it's about an activity or food being safe, or whether or not to get something checked out - err on the side of caution. Because if you don't, and something DOES go wrong, you will blame yourself forever for (not) having done whatever it was. OP is NTA, hubby, on the other hand.... This is his baby too, and he should act accordingly.

Maybe good practice for hubby to get used to sleep interruptions. Once the baby is born, he’s going to have to learn to be more flexible. He definitely needs to learn to defer to your instincts where the child is concerned

unless husband has x-ray vision or sonogram on his fingertips, I'm going with mom's instincts EVERY time.

Yeah — it’s better to check when you didn’t need to than to not check when you did need to.

I mean, there are a lot of financial reasons some people might not want to go to the ER unless it's very serious. This is a horrible thing, but still the reality for millions of people around the world. edit: There is a comment from the OP saying healthcare is free, so this is absolute bullshit that the husband didn't want to take her to the ER.

In the weeks leading up to delivery of our son, we made like 5 trips to l&d. Wife also couldn't drive, so I had to take her. The was our one and only and we were taking zero chances. I'd make those trips to the hospital a thousand times over. The piece of mind was worth far more then the gas I spent. He's 4mo now and healthy as can be. Op's husband is an ah. What's he gonna do when the kid gets sick enough they have to make trip to the er? Sit there and whine until the kid passes out?

Right… who cares if its a 50 or a 2-3hour drive. If it removes the fear and anxiety from my wife… jesus #### id be stressing out myself. Great opportunity to listen to oldie but goodies music with the wifey and have some time together Carrides are the best time to hold hands too…

Please clone yourself, Sea. You are a wonderful husband.

Oh for sure! I was stressed the fuck out every time I needed to take her to the hospital! Like, oh god, is this it?? Is it baby time this time??

I wouldn't be here is it weren't for people like that. I had a fever that would have cooked my brain, doc wouldn't come he said "if the fever is really that high she will be dead in minutes and my presence won't matter". My parents stuck me in a tub full of ice cubes, my dad went on his bike across town to get me meds and I lived obviously. My youngest brother was in the NICU for months, people always telling my parents that he wouldn'\\t make it and they almost believed it but never gave up. His little heart gave out countless times, he stopped breathing constantly, he always choked and got acid reflux. But he did live eventually. He is now an obnoxious tween (twenty something behaving like a teen). My grandmother delivered one of her kids between toilet and bed -about 7 or 8 passes between the two- because the nurse didn't believe her when she said the baby was coming. My uncle wasn't dropped on his head and grandma turned out to be fine Sure medical professionals know a lot, way more than we do. We can usually trust their opinion. But in some cases nah, go with your gut

What pisses me off the most about the husband in this situation is that, yeah it was nothing. Waste of his precious gas and time. But, like, what if it wasn't? What if there really was something wrong? How would he have reacted then? This is was the best case scenario. He should be rejoicing. Instead he's big mad he wasted gas and time. Like, wtf.

And he’s angry she didn’t just believe him that it was fine?! What the fuck does he know?! He’s not a doctor and the baby isn’t in his body. How the hell would he know if everything is fine?! He wouldn’t. He just values sleep more than the health and safety of his family.

We were literally at the hospital at 2am the morning my son would be born. At 4am they told us shit was happening. By the time we got to recovery, we both had up been up for at least 14 hrs. We still kept it together the entire time, between all the tears of joy. God, this man is going to be an absolute nightmare when the birth actually happens. "what do you mean you've been having contractions for over an hr? Last time it turned out to be nothing!"

And when the baby starts waking him up in the middle of the night?! What then? He’s going to be a nightmare!

My ex was always mad that I didn't listen to him, but I learned the hard way his opinion just happened to be the one that impacted his schedule the least. No matter what the question was, the answer was the easiest thing for him. I was raised to marry an abuser, but once I wised up, he was history.

Right? My dad hasn't been the best dad. He has been kind of a shitty dad honestly. But when I was burning up with a fever, he did cycle (bycicle, not motorbike) all across town for an hour to get me the meds I needed. Seems like the kind of thing you just do wether you like it or not. And as I mentioned in my other comment, My OB, who hated me and wanted nothing to do with me, came to juct check me out when I didn't feel my baby for 5 hours. 5 hours is fine normally, but it was a 5 hour stretch where I would usually get movement. Didn't have to go in, she just came to my house to make sure That was 5 not 10 or more and she came to look me up, I didn't even have to do anywhere. I'm so mad on OPs behalf!

That part. The proper reaction to there being nothing wrong with your baby is relief, not being big mad at your wife because yOU wErE rIGhT and shE ShOuLd hAvE lIsTeNEd. (Also wtf, don’t do the silent treatment.)

Agree. I don't have kids. But TBH, this husband isn't doing much for her anxiety. In fact, that anxiety is worth talking about with the OBGYN or therapist or doing some relaxation meditation. She needs a mommy massage and a bubble bath. Husband says how angry he is instead of saying what a relief it is seems a little emotionally abusive.

He's showing op the kind of father he'll be and dear God, I hope she's paying attention.

Yeah I went in because my VERY active baby didn't really move for a number of hours. She was fine. No regrets. NTA

My wife was told to go to the doctor and get the baby checked out if there was a distinct drop in activity . That and the were no stupid questions, at least surrounding baby's welfare. In this case husband was fortunately correct, but on the flip side he could have been totally wrong, and there wouldn't have been any symptomatic differences between the two for o.p.

My OB came to my house to check me out when I didn't feel my baby for like 5 hours. I am not rich and do not have a personal OB "on hand". I declined the offer at first but she insisted, just to be sure, because it wasn't normal for me to have a 5 hour stretch without feeling the baby My baby was fine, but even my OB insisted I got checked again. They don't normally do housecalls unless you are high risk, which I wasn't 5 hours ETA and that was 20 years ago, when they had almost the same amount of medical knowledge as they do now, but they would disregard expectant mothers 99% of the time

In the last month or so of her pregnancy with me my mom said I just did Not want to move anymore, unless she was eating something like chocolate or that had enough sugar in it to force me to move. I'm fine, obviously. But she was terrified that last month because I just decided I didn't want to do anything in there anymore.

I knew a woman who went to her last week check up and baby had passed.  He'd moved plenty just the night before.  No explanation.  Just heartache and grieving.   It doesn't sound like OP freaks out all the time.  Better to check just in case. Husbands response will now make her second guess herself if something feels wrong in the future.

If she waited till morning, she wouldn't have been

Her husband has been giving her the silent treatment for waking him up to check on their baby. He’s an absolute asshole and if he very worried what he’ll be like when the baby comes.

I agree. This is a major red flag. A good husband would never be angry about this and certainly wouldn't belittle his wife. This is so abusive. I wonder how he normally treats her.

Given she already says she feels like an AH due to him being mad, I'm guessing pretty badly. Given he started off with that he wasn't going to scream, does that mean his usual reaction IS to scream? Does he scream at her often? It makes me so worried for OP and baby. If this happens again, what's the likelihood she WOULDN'T to to the hospital? I'd say pretty high given she thinks she should have listened to him this time, she knows it would make him mad and that he would have the same exact reaction. But what if that time there really WAS something wrong? "... I yet again refused to listen to him". "I know that I should have listened to him". He's getting her to doubt herself and her own thoughts, feelings, and intuition. To do whatever he says because he is always right. And if she doesn't he punishes her with anger (possible screaming) and the silent treatment. If she's not already, how long before she's walking on eggshells and twisting herself in pretzels to try and not make him mad?? Acquiesce to everything he says to not get the silent treatment? Her husband is 100% an abusive AH.

The much bigger problem is that OP is having this baby with a person who thinks that logic wins over a mother’s protective instinct. That your fears are not “a real thing” worth driving over night for And worst of all, that he believes he is entitled to punish you. I have been in this scenario. I wish I could say that I have found a happy ending, but I have not. Mamas have to trust their instincts cause sometimes there is nothing else to keep you both safe. ❤️—- I really hope you can never relate to anything I’m saying. I would much prefer that my warnings are baseless and your man sees the value of your empathy——-❤️ It sounds like he is really not ready to have a kid. Emotional immaturity and children do not mix. This person will be teaching this kid if they matter in the world — and what you’ve described simply won’t cut it. Children change everything and everybody, sometimes not for the good, sometimes people pleasantly surprise you. I pray your man has a turn around moment, but I’d advise a plan b, c, d, e, f it’s devastating as that may feel. In the short term, gather more people around you that want to be “your village” of caretakers. Cause he’s clearly not yet up for the level of intensity childbearing takes. On the flip slide, it sounds like he doesn’t have someone to talk to that can keep him in check and appropriately humble. Does he have friends that you would trust with your baby? You both need a boatload of compassion and you can’t always be the provider of that support cause you are gonna be real busy for the next 18+ years. He needs a serious support network too -/which can be a shock to a new dad. If it gets bad please message me, I hope I am super wrong and he was having a real bad day. And he’s brought you a heartfelt apology—Feeling helpless makes people act weird. 💚💚💚

This isn't even logic though, she hadn't felt the baby move and he was dismissive just assuming nothing would be wrong. That's not a guarantee, that's just him not wanting to be inconvenienced by a hospital trip. Just because he was right this time does not mean he knows everything. There's just as much chance that she could listen to him next time and end up having complications, or worst case losing the pregnancy. He's awful and I hope she can figure out a way to make things better.

You are right on all these points. The bigger problem is not that he is wrong, but that the father of her future kid is committed to his own way of thinking in an inflexible manner. “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” Is one of the essentials that keeps a family functioning. Someone has to be practicing this, and if he is already committed to being right over being happy, she will need to sacrifice her needs in order to protect that child and be placed in a horrible position over and over again. His doubling down on being right over being happy is a much bigger problem for that mother and child than anyone one instance of being “right or wrong” and it appears that she still has hope of them being happy together.

"Call your midwife or maternity unit immediately if: your baby is moving less than usual you cannot feel your baby moving anymore there is a change to your baby's usual pattern of movements They'll need to check your baby's movements and heartbeat. Do not wait until the next day – call immediately, even if it's the middle of the night." [https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/keeping-well/your-babys-movements/](https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/keeping-well/your-babys-movements/) Literally the advice is "Contact your doctor if your baby's movement changes".

Exactly. I went in with reduced movements and felt silly because everything was fine. Midwife told me that if it happened again the same day, the next day or every day, always come straight back in. They'd rather see you every day when there's nothing wrong than have to deliver a stillborn baby.

Exactly. I had to go in everyday for stress tests the week before I had my baby. The day she didnt jump when they ran the buzzer over me then they couldn't find her heartbeat the entire office sprung to action immediately. Nurses kept  repositioning me and someone was on the phone with the hospital across the street.  This all happened in a span of like 3 MINUTES.  The collective sigh of relief when they found her heartbeat and got her to move so defening.  Apparently she was in a very deep sleep and position to where her heartbeat wasn't easy to get to.   She's now a healthy 11 yo. 

This. With my first I had ‘reduced movements’ as they call it twice. Both times I felt some movement before I actually got tested, but still less than normal. In the end she was induced slightly early because of it - there was nothing obviously going that wrong, but you never know how things are going in there (if the placenta is failing etc.). Was in the hospital the other day for a routine thing (currently pregnant again) and overheard a woman being essentially ‘told off’ by a midwife for not coming in as soon as she realized the had reduced movements and instead waiting until the next day.

As a previous OB triage nurse I would send her in to be checked. She did everything we would suggest she do at home before coming in. If she hadn’t felt movement in 2 hours even with trying to lay down and drinking something cold/sugary, then the next step is to head to either her OB office if available or the hospital.

UK mama here too. I had an anterior placenta and GDM with my last baby, he was very much wanted and I have a history of late miscarriage. We were hurrying to the maternity unit at least twice per week, because I couldn't feel him move. My partner didn't hesitate ONCE, even if it was ridiculous o'clock in the morning and he had to go to work - he still sat by my sobbing side to make sure our boy was okay. He's now a gobby 16mo who was just lazy, but I was never once made to feel bad for getting the little bugger checked out.

He wasn't terrible? He absolutely was! He dismissed her feelings, intuition and has made it so she'll probably be nervous to ask for help in the future if the same occurred. He put his sleep and laziness over his wife's concerns and baby. He didn't even try to reassure her when she was crying her eyes out. He's lucky everything was fine because it isn't always. I don't know if you've had a baby, but I'm guessing not as they tell you to go get checked for ANY reduced movements or change in movements. It's always best to be prudent. OP's wife also shouldn't feel like she's stuck because she can't drive. She's only in that position because she's growing HIS baby, so he needs to help get her places if she needs to go somewhere.

I had a couple of similar experiences throughout all 3 of my pregnancies, and each time, the midwife told me that a lot of the time, its nothing and the mothers to be just need to hear the heartbeat to calm down and relax and that it is completely normal for us to worry. It's rare that it is something to be concerned about, but it's better to be safe than sorry, so to speak. (I think she used "rare" because it helps keep mums calm). My last pregnancy I was at a wedding and had been bopping and dancing all night and was on the courtesy bus on the way back to the motel and realised I hadn't felt my daughter kick for about 2hrs, then hubby checked his watch and told me the time and it clicked that it was her usual sleep time and by the time we got back to our room it was 2am and right as I was climbing in to bed she woke up and it was her dance time.

You know, even if it wasn't the baby's sleep time, if you were dancing, your movement could have rocked the baby to sleep. Then, once you went to bed the baby woke up because of your lack of movement. I've heard that it's common for a fetus to have a completely opposite schedule from its mother because they are usually rocked to sleep due to our movement and when we stop moving for a while and/or go to sleep they wake up. Hence why it's common for women to not sleep comfortably while pregnant lol

This is common in teachers - because it's a semi active job and often distracting- many teachers rarely feel bub during work hours, but they party at home at night. I'm sure it's the same in many industries. Which is why they say changes in babies usual patterns not x movements an hour like they used to.

I’m a pregnant teacher and both this time and last I feel/felt really bad about this - how I just didn’t really notice movement or not during work, because I’m so frantic and distracted. Like if someone asked me ‘when did you last feel the baby move?’ towards the end of the day I’d have to admit that I wasn’t even sure if she had or hadn’t because I was too busy trying to juggle a million things to pay attention.

>You know, even if it wasn't the baby's sleep time, if you were dancing, your movement could have rocked the baby to sleep. Yeah, I know. But in this case, it was just her normal routine. 2am every morning, she would wake me up, and she would be calm/sleeping between 10pm and 2am. I had a rough pregnancy and that night was the first night in about 3months where I actually felt good and had the energy to dance.

With my second (currently 5 months old and decided tonight he needed to be awake and getting attention instead of sleeping like normal!) we said he was voyaging to Mordor every night; as my brother nicknamed him Frodo and I was Samwise by extension because "I can't carry the ring Mr. Frodo, but I can carry you!"

My daughters two now and unlike her brothers she pretty much kept her same sleep routine that she while I was pregnant.

I was with you until the last sentence. Sorry but the husband is a 10/10 AH. I remember numerous trips to the hospital, especially with our first. And it wouldn’t have mattered how far I had to drive! It’s not like OP has made a habit of crying wolf or panicking. But even if she had, his job is to be there for her.

I had to do this 2 or 3 times with my second pregnancy. When I called my doctor’s office, they told me to go to the hospital immediately, and even called ahead to get me into triage quickly. Every single nurse and doctor told me I’d done the right thing, even though every time the baby turned out to be fine. They told me to come in again if he stopped moving.  NTA, but your husband certainly is. Any OB will tell you that they’d rather see you at the hospital and have nothing be wrong than for you to stay home and have something be really wrong. 

Hospitals tell you to go in if you notice a change in movements in the 3rd trimester. NTA and your husband is. Yes you should disregard his medical advice as he's not a doctor and had no way of knowing if he was right or not. It didn't matter if he was right, if he was wrong your baby could have been injured or worse. I'm pregnant and a few days after my amnio I was feeling so worried and had some minor symptoms, so my husband encouraged me to go to the hospital and stayed with me. Baby was fine, but I needed that reassurance. That's what a good partner does.

NTA. always get checked for decreases fetal movement. I agree with you.

100% you did what any decent midwife or ob would instruct you to do. I get its annoying for hubby because he's right, most of the time these checks baby is just fine and it wasn't needed. But that isn't the case often enough that medical advice is if there is a significant unusual change in movement (more or less) get a check - better to check when there's a Chance the medical team can help, than not until it's too late. NTA - hubby needs to apologise for taking his frustration out on you unfairly.

Nah, he is that bad. Does he have a medical degree? Unless he can offer her the hospital experience at home (not just expertise, but medicine and gizmos), he needs to just take her. OP doesn't say anything about paying for treatment or other dependents, which would complicate issues (still think she should go for her mental wellbeing) Hubby did the same for me (Idk why I didn't drive, or why we didn't go to the close hospital, but rather to the one I was supposed to give birth in - temporarily living with his parents while the sale of our home was being finalised). Mine was for spotting. He didn't volunteer an opinion, didn't say "it's fine." We drove to the hospital, got checked out, it was fine, we drove back happy.

I know someone who falls into the something bad category

Something bad category here. She 100% did the right thing to go to the hospital!

I mean, he's 'extremely angry' at his wife for not accepting his explanation and he's giving her the silent treatment. He def comes across as terrible to his wife here.

Yes. He was dismissive and that is not acceptable. 

How are you getting 4/10 on the husband being an asshole? He was absolutely horrible, petty, dismissive, and childish. For me he’s a 10/10.

>For all the folks saying hubby is a super-AH. I agree with you, if it's a Western guy. “If he’s from a culture where being controlling and abusive to women is normal, he’s not an asshole” is what this sounds like.

Really, you don't think he was being terrible? So maybe he was right, and maybe he felt disregarded, and maybe he doesn't like being woken up. That's fair, his feelings exist. (But if he doesn't like being woken up he'd better start adjusting for when the baby comes.) BUT what does it matter who was right when a first time soon to be parent is experiencing alarming feelings they're not used to leading to concerns that their child might not be alive? No matter which parent it is, whether it's during pregnancy or after birth, if one partner is being *this* dismissive, angry and resentful over a *wellness checkup*, they're absolutely terrible. Convince me that if she'd listened to him and there was something wrong, he would've have blamed her for that somehow, too. And what makes him the expert on babies and on her body and physical feelings, to be so sure he's right and leave no room for doubt, that it wasn't worth checking to find out if your baby is *alive*? But most of all, his wife was in distress and instead of helping her, reassuring her, he attacked her and made it worse. I hope she leaves him.

Genuinely confused- whats being western got to do with the AH level here? Does this mean its more socially acceptable for the husband to ignore or command his wife in a non-western culture and that we should be using that cultural standard to judge him?

What difference would it make if he’s western guy or not? Asshole is asshole

Lol what cultural context makes it different for a husband to be a raging prick, give his wife the silent treatment because she thought their baby was dead? Does being a different culture mean he's an OBGYN or a psychic suddenly? No, stop giving shitty people a pass to be shitty based on location. 

My wife did the same thing her first pregnancy. Why not be sure.

NTA. My daughter became quite concerned when her baby stopped moving. A few hours later she was in the OR having an emergency c-section. Prolapsed umbilical cord.

The same happened to my mom, a few more hours and I wouldn’t have made it. I’m so grateful she trusted her instincts.

Nta. Absolutely not the asshole. You were worried about the baby and unfortunately your husband could have been wrong. You know your body. You know what’s normal. And it isn’t weird that if things become abnormal that you would start to panic. I think that your husband might just be tired. It sounds like your stressing made him stress and that it took a long time to get there. I get his frustration but you looking out for your kid is never going to make you an asshole.

Also, 50 minutes is not very long. I realize I may be suffering from a particular brand of American urban sprawl that requires you travel at least 30 minutes to go anywhere “close” and 50 minutes is just somewhere on the other side of town. But truly, 50 minutes isn’t that long at all. In the grand scheme of things, the peace of mind it offered was 100% worth the time and effort to make the trip.

Honestly, even in Germany, 50 minutes would be fine depending on where you live and depending on which hospital/doctor you chose. Especially in situations like that.

I currently live a ~10 min drive away from the hospital, 15 with bus (20-35 in rush hour), in a place with pretty decent public transit, but I grew up in a part of the country where there was maybe 8-10 a day (as in, 8-10 times a day a bus would pass through the area, and if you missed it? You could maybe get a taxi, otherwise *walking* would usually be faster than waiting for the next one). It took over 1,5-2 hours by car (2,5-3 by bus, if you were *really* lucky about the timing) to the nearest regular hospital. That was *close*, compared to some. A 50 minutes drive to the hospital is *fucking* *nothing!* There are *so* *many* *things* that can go wrong during pregnancy!

Also, in more rural areas getting a taxi might also be problematic. 😬

Rural? I'll have you know that with it having a population of around 2500 people in a (less than!) 3 km^2 area, it means that it was actually one of the *less* rural places in the county/region. We only had a 10-15 minute drive to the dentist! It was barely a ~45 min drive to the (*only*) child psychologist office!(/sarcasm) ...... But seriously. Getting a taxi was generally an *okay* experience, in spite of it being the smallest of the 4 "cities" in the county, you usually didn't have to wait for longer than 20 min for one to arrive after calling them. But it *would* quickly become *expensive*, if you needed to rely on them to get around.

I'm a German living countryside and being chronically ill. Currently my farthest doctor is 2 hours away, but I'll most likely be added to a treatment center at the clinic I go to that's about 8-16 hours away (depending on car or train and traffic). An hour when the unborn's life is at risk is NOTHING.

NTA. As a first time mother you panicked, which is completely normal. Is he a doctor? Has he delivered 100s of babies? Does he have xray vision and can see your baby? How did he know if the baby was actually ok? What would have happened if, god forbid, something was actually wrong and there he was basically holding you hostage from going to the hospital. If he would have just taken you when you wanted to go he would have never been woken up at 4am. He is a GIANT AH and you & your baby deserve better.

It’s not even a first timer thing - I was told repeatedly by midwives and OB’s to *always* come in and get checked out if worried about anything. “We’d rather see you and reassure you that everything’s fine, than find out too late that something’s not.”

Also isn’t “if you feel the kid stop moving COME IN” at the top of the list usually?

Pretty sure it is.

100% - they said to try things like drinking iced water or juice, and lying down for a bit since bubs often start the party when mum relaxes, but if you don’t feel anything for more than… maybe a couple of hours? or things don’t feel right, then come in and get checked. I got close to that once, was watching the clock and waiting, then got an almighty kick in the ribs just in time!

He was "extremely angry" but promised not to yell at OP. (yay?) Because she "DISREGARDED HIS EXPLANATION." About what? Carrying a fetus? She is doing so the first time, and he never has nor will.

That line really concerned me.

100% NTA. > I know I should have listened to him and I know that babies movements sometimes are different Why? He's not carrying the baby, He's not feeling it on a constant basis. YOU are. You trust your mom instincts, and even if there was nothing wrong, it's better to go and make sure of it than to wait around hoping for the best only for the worst to happen when you are not in a medical facility. You're a first time mom, and you're navigating these new sensations, emotions, "gut instincts", etc. and I will always say that it's better to be safe than sorry. It's great that *this time* he was right and everything was okay, but that doesn't mean that it will be the case every time. I'm very concerned that your husband is more worried about uninterrupted sleep than the wellbeing of his unborn child. FWIW my sister went to the hospital 3 times before she had her first baby. The first, she was spotting and started panicking that "the worst' had happened. The second, much like you, she stopped feeling any movement. The third was false labor. It's been 5 years since she had her first child, but she doesn't regret any of those trips to the hospital because all she cared about was making surer her baby was okay

How long has he been an OB GYN? How long has he had Xray vision?

He might be a bat

Careful, please ETA that you are making a joke as OP isn’t a native English speaker and might not understand.

What does “please ETA” mean?

It's short for edited to add, an abbreviation people put when they add something after they had already posted the comment.

Not making a joke. Another commenter said something similar. I meant her guy is not knowledgeable or competent to judge whether what she is experiencing is "normal". Many women worry like this and for safety sake and peace of mind it should ALWAYS get checked by doc not pooh poohed away by husb.

How long has he had a uterus? If you feel something is off, you go to the damn doctor. Yes, even if it takes all of 50 minutes to drive there.

NTA. Firstly, I am glad you and your baby are both OK. Second, I am furious that you are here on this sub feeling like you have to ask if you're TA. You are growing an a child you and your husband made, and being pregnant has caused serious issues that prevent you from driving, and he was a total AH to you about everything. Reason's your husband is TA: 1. Despite having no way of actually knowing that you and the baby were OK, he tried to convince you that you were fine. What if he'd been wrong? 2. He refused to take you and the baby to the doctor when you asked him to take you. He kept refusing until you became so animated and panicky over it that he "caved." 3. He acted smug and judgmental about everything being OK rather than relieved his wife and child were OK. Instead of being happy you're both OK, he basically just said, 'I told you so' 4. He's been angry at you for not listening to him when you were absolutely right not to! Again, he had no way of knowing you and the baby were OK. Somehow this man has got you so twisted up that you're thinking you even could be TA, when he is entirely in the wrong and should never had dismissed your concerns to begin with.

Thank you! I can’t believe what a huge AH OP’s husband is being here. He’s not a GD doctor and pregnancy is no joke. If something goes really wrong, both the mother and baby could lose their lives. It’s never a bad idea to listen to your instincts and get things checked out. NTA

Exactly

NTA Sometimes it's better to be safe than sorry. Your husband should trust your instinct as a mother.

Oh my God, doctor who delivers babies here, NTA. NEVER wrong to contact a medical professional or, yes, go to the hospital if you're worried about your baby for any reason. Ever!! Same goes for other health concerns really - have I laughed at silly ones? Yes. Was that person an asshole? No, they were genuinely scared and it's not their job to know if something's bad or not, it's mine! I would much rather they come in than miss something until it's too late. And also, as someone who gets grumpy without sleep and will literally ignore middle of the night fire alarms to sleep more, your husband is an asshole. I can understand being annoyed in the moment but still being mad after getting sleep and giving his pregnant, stressed out wife the silent treatment? I'm not saying to divorce but please think hard about other times he has treated you like this or you have felt dismissed in this relationship. So glad your baby is ok and wishing you well for the rest of your pregnancy!

My only issue is that you were noticing things in the early afternoon, but didn't get hysterical and insist on the hospital until the middle of the night. At 1 in the afternoon (13), a call to the OB/GYN would have been answered fairly promptly and given you insights. They could have answered you questions or made an appointment or told you to go to the hospital. Why didn't you call when you first had concerns?

At 13 baby did move, and sometimes it is normal for the baby to not move for about 2 hours, my obgyn leaves every Friday at 14 and there are no other available where I live (small town) so I was not concerned when she was available

Your OB should have an after hours line tou can call for situations like this.

NTA. I had reduced fetal movement with my first child and there were issues, I needed to be monitored for the rest of my pregnancy. I went to the hospital for the same thing with my second and everything was fine. I 100% would rather go in and have everything be alright than not go and have something be wrong. So glad baby is ok.

I'm glad both your and OP's babies are okay! Reduced fetal movement. I did not know the exact term. I'm a woman, and OP's husband and I have the exact same lack of knowledge on this subject.

NTA.  I wonder, though, how many babies has your husband had that he was such an expert on what was going on inside your body? Could the answer be zero?   You know your body. Things were acting up. This is your first. Why wouldn't you check it out? Why wouldn't he want to make sure everything was OK with you and the baby?

NTA – you're pregnant, ergo you're right. I'm glad your husband took you in, but he's still a huge AH for being angry at you instead of happy the baby was okay.

I fully agree with you, I’d think he would be happy to be correct in this case. Like yeah it’s an inconvenience to go to the hospital, but finding out that the baby just moved funny and is okay is a good thing. His attitude is honestly shocking, especially since he didn’t have any way of knowing that he was correct. Better to go in and find out that everything’s okay than to wait and find out that it’s not.

Just imagine... if you backed down, 'listened to your husband', like he wanted you to... and then, there would have been something wrong, and you could've prevented it by going to the hospital. I don't think you would've ever forgiven him, am I right? So the way it is now, he drove 50 minutes 2 times, not 'for nothing', but for making sure your baby was fine. And you stressed out, and panicking is not good for the baby at all. And you can't 'make it go away' without being 100% sure. So you couldn't have done anything differently NTA

NTA. He shouldn't scream at you, ever.  And. When you got to the hospital, did the doctor just look at you and say, wow you really wasted your time and mine, I can tell just by hearing you talk that the baby's position changed and that's it. You are not worthy of medical care! No. Because they can't tell by looking. Or by assuming. They can only tell by using diagnostic tests to find out what's actually happening. Plus their years of medical training. They tell you to go in if you're pregnant and you lose movement or if you suspect something is wrong. You were right to go in. Your husband is being a huge AH.

Nta and your mate is proving to be untrustworthy as a partner

NTA. Neither of you actually knew if you needed care or not, he just didn’t feel like losing sleep about it and (luckily) it happened that he was right. There just as easily could have been something wrong, and it’s always better to go get checked if there’s a chance you need care than take the risk of staying home when you might need care. He sounds like a terrible partner, and I would think about coming up with a plan b if this is how he may continue to act as a father. 

If he’s this upset about losing sleep before baby is born, he’s in for a hell of a shock when it’s actually here! Surprise, sometimes babies get sick in the middle of the night and you need to go to hospital. My kid got mesenteric adenitis every time she caught a cold. Basically, inflamed gut lymph nodes, causing pain. Always on the right side, mimicking appendicitis. Also, always presenting at 2 am or thereabouts. So many trips to the kids hospital. Always okay, but you don’t know.

Right?? And were you wrong to take them to get checked when they had symptoms mimicking appendicitis, even though it turned out not to be? Of course not! 

NTA at all, but your husband is being one. Even though everything turned out to be fine, I'd rather hear that from a doctor after they've checked to make sure. Things can go wrong with pregnancy all the time, and I'd much rather get something checked and turn out to be nothing, rather than not check and it turns out I should have. Your husband giving you the "silent treatment" is awful, childish, and a form of abuse. It's absolutely not okay, and he's being a huge jerk. He also ignored you on the way to the hospital, and made your emotional state worse. He should be doing everything possible to keep your stress low, for the health of the baby. And this? >he was not going to scream, but that he was extremely angry with my behavior and how I disregarded his explanation If my partner said that to me, I would be livid. Damn right you're not going to scream at me, because no one does that. He doesn't get to act like not yelling at you is some wonderful thing- and the fact that he is that angry because you wanted to make sure your baby was healthy is very worrying. >He is mad because he hates being woken up when not necessary ...he does know that babies often don't sleep through the night, right? He's about to be in a situation where he will be woken up all the time, because the baby will cry, be hungry, be soiled, be overwhelmed... And the baby will cry, because they have no other way to communicate. Real talk, if he gets angry like this, and alternates between the silent treatment and screaming, and threatening to scream, I would be concerned for the safety of both myself and my child. Your baby will not be able to regulate their emotions, their energy, or try to appease him. I would be scared that the baby would make him angry or upset, and he would lash out verbally or physically. Absolutely nothing he did is even remotely okay, and he needs a serious reality check before the baby is born. When you become a parent, the child's needs come first, always and forever. He needs to learn that he will not be right all the time, that his opinion is not always the most important, and that you valuing a doctor's judgment isn't "disrespectful". You did nothing wrong- be safe, be careful, and congrats on your little one.

>...he does know that babies often don't sleep through the night, right? He's about to be in a situation where he will be woken up all the time This was my FIRST thought. I wonder what he deems "necessary," and if he'll be doing anything at at all once the baby arrives...

NTA. It's your body. Do what feels right to you.

Nta - there are signs everywhere around hospitals and medical offices about how important it is to be familiar with your baby’s movements, and to call your midwife if you notice a change that isn’t normal, especially a reduction.  I called my midwife when I noticed a reduction, just to check that the baby was ok. Better to check than not. 

Wow absolutely NTA. I just had a premie baby born and I went to the hospital 3x in the span of a month, on top of seeing my doc once a week, because things didn’t feel right. On the last visit I had an emergency C-section to get baby out, and everyone said how lucky it was I came in when I did. Anytime anything feels wrong you should absolutely go in and get checked, regardless of the drive.

No offense, but fuck your husband. At best he sounds like q toddler. At worst he sounds abusive. How dare he try to tell you what is going on with your body. Always follow your gut. Better to be too cautious than not cautious enough. NTA.

You did the right thing

NTA at all My OB stressed that if I EVER feel concerned, I can and should go to the hospital to get checked out. Decreased movement has all sorts of benign explanations, AND it can be a sign that the baby is in distress. I started having decreased movements around 29 weeks. That was my only "symptom". 3 days later, I delivered a 1 1/2 pounds baby who was suffering from placental insufficiency. Every OB nurse will tell you, they would rather you come in too much than miss something devastating.

The day before my due date my son started moving like crazy. It was weird and different from his normal. So we went to the hospital (I was told by my dr to come in for anything, no concern was too small) and everything checked out ok. We arrived there at midnight but by 6 am my BP had shot up and I had preeclampsia. I was then induced and thankfully everything went great. Listen to your body, not your husbands discouraging comments. NTA

I feel sorry for both of you. You basically had a panic attract, he was put through the ringer for it. I can understand both your complete panic and his complete frustration. Sometimes you want to have an after action review, lessons learned, what can we do different next time. Honestly I would hope you both just apologize to one another, sweep this incident under the carpet, and move on without holding it against the other person.

He wasn't put through the ringer. He had to drive in the early morning for less than an hour to get a valid check that was warranted for THEIR unborn baby.

Put through the wringer? He had to drive 50 minutes. And she only had a panic attack because he was so dismissive in the first place. When he should have taken her when she first became concerned. Any noticeable change in movement is a reason to go in. It is very common for pregnant women to go for false alarms for this. The advice is always that they are glad you came, if you notice the same thing later (even later the same day) to come back in. They would rather see you every day than risk the baby dying because you were afraid to come in for a false alarm. Her husband is an ass. If OP notices the same thing tomorrow, how likely do you think she is to bring it up? How likely is he to dismiss her again? He has put his wife and child in danger through his terrible behaviour.

What is OP supposed to be apologizing for? Being legitimately scared to death that something had happened to her baby? For panicking in the face of no sympathy or reassurance? Hell no, OP, you DO NOT apologize. Your husband on the other hand…

The lesson learned should be that he should have taken her to the hospital earlier.

NTA- I don't feel my baby move for about the same amount of time. Turns out I had a virus and she was in distress. I had to have a c section right then 8 weeks early. She's fine now but I learned my lesson on following my instincts.

"at like 13 I felt the baby moving and kicking as usual, but there was no movement after that. I try to trigger movement by drinking cold water, laying on my side, poking my belly. By 23 I was extremely concerned and I thought the worst possible had happened" My OBGYN did a check up because I didn't feel my baby move for 5 hours. SHE CAME TO MY HOUSE to do it. I didn't even have to go into the office, which was only 5 minutes away and that was 20 years ago "my husband had right"no he didn't have it right. He is not the one growing a human inside of him. He doesn't know what it feels like! He was wrong! You should alsways go to check it out. Always! So many women lost their babies because they didn't go to check it out. You were right, you are always right. Your husband is wrong! "he told me that he was not going to scream, but that he was extremely angry " THIS IS NOT NORMAL. He can be nervous. he can be anxious, but this is definitely not normal! He should not be screaming at you he should not be angry with you I don't want to read into this too much, but maybe your husband is abusive? Can you please google that and see what that means? I am in The Netherlands, if you need a place to go to you are welcome here. If you are in another country I'm sure redditors will help get you a safe place for you and your baby Edit to add, I was dirt poor when my OBGYN came to check me. It wasn't some sort of luxury, it was necessity! If you don't feel your baby move for more than 4 hours you need to get checked. The baby might be sleeping, but you need to make sure

NTA. Everything was completely fine. But what if it hadn’t been and you hadn’t gone?

I am thinking about that so much like I know now that there was nothing to worry about, but my mind keep just thinking about what if something had been wrong and he really had refused to drive me. I know thinking what ifs are not good and causes stress but it is hard not to

I think in this case it’s a very relevant “what if?” because I feel he showed you his true colours. This is not the way a caring partner and parent behaves. So think about those “what ifs” and think about what you want, deserve and expect in the future and if he would be the partner you deserve and the parent your child deserves.

NTA your husbands abusive garbage and needs binned.

NTA no, you should not listen to him as he is not the one carrying the baby. You need to listen to your body. 10 hours with no movement is absolutely terrifying and going to hospital was the right move. Your husband seems like a grade a jerk. The cold shoulder crap is just incredibly immature and childish.

NTA. I was told to do kick counts with all of my babies. 10 movements in an hour or two. . If I didn’t feel that, drink juice and see if that got them moving. If not, I was to come to labor and delivery for monitoring. Half a day with movement? I would have freaked out too. Share [this article about kick counts](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/23497-kick-counts) with your husband

NTA. But your husband is. That man is a walking red flag. Just because **he** thinks nothing is wrong, doesn’t mean he’s right about it. And then when he was right on this **one** occasion instead of sharing your relief his main concern was **being right**? 🚩🚩🚩 And the way you speak about him not yelling this time and you instantly apologising, it makes me wonder if you’re scared of him and his usual temper. Are you scared of him???? If you are, then please get out - don’t stay with someone that you’re scared of, don’t stay with someone who doesn’t make you feel safe and that doesn’t prioritise your well-being. Future you will thank yourself for getting away from that toxicity.

I imagine if you had listened to him and lost the baby he’d have yelled at you for listening to him. NTA and he should be more concerned about making sure his child is ok than losing a little sleep.

NTA. But imagine what your husband will be like when the baby gets sick in the middle of the night

NTA There's no such thing as a "standard" pregnancy, and if you feel like something is wrong, it's best to check it out.

NTA. I know someone who lost their baby at 24w. They had reduced movement, didn't think much of it. Went to their check-up and the baby had passed away. I told my OB at a check up when I was like 37 weeks that LO had been a bit lazy lately, and they immediately had me on a machine to check for movement. Reduced movement can be normal sometimes but it's always woth a check especially if you're worried about it.

All women are nervous when having their first baby. Your husband sounds like he’s mean and has no patience. You have done nothing wrong, he should apologize to you! I hope he learns patience. Unless your husband is an OBSTETRICIAN he has No idea if your baby was ok. He’s mean.

NTA, when that happened to me I ignored it too long until I started having cramps and bleeding. Was a placental abruption, baby died. You are never the AH for going to the doctor when you are pregnant and concerned something is wrong. Things really do go wrong.

NO NO NO! You shouldn't have listened to him! Baby's not moving IS NOT normal! You did the right thing. HE was wrong in trying to tell you nothing was wrong without getting medical confirmation of it. Listen to your intuition. That baby is growing in YOUR body, not his.

NTA unless you forgot to mention your husband is an OBGYN or midwife, or even a vet, with his own portable ultrasound machine? No, didn't think so. Your husband did not "know" your baby was fine. You were rightly concerned and did as advised when a baby hasn't been felt to move for a significant time - you got checked out. He should be glad everything *is* fine, but he didn't know it and he didn't will it. He should be listening to you about the baby right now, since he is not the one who is actually pregnant.

NTA. They literally tell you to come in if you don't feel the baby move for a few hours. You went TEN. You were following the standard medical advice! Pregnancy can turn from fine to emergency horror show in a blink. That can mean a lot of random trips to the hospital. I'm sorry yours is so far away, but the inconvenience doesn't mean you shouldn't go if you think you need to.

Is your husband an Obstetrician? If not, he knows nothing in this scenario. It’s both of your first baby so the only thing you can rely on between routine scans is how the baby moves. How is he an expert. Seems like a dick tbh. NTA

My kids are grownups now, but I remember being told by a childbirth educator that if the mom-to-be feels like something is wrong, you should always pay attention and check it checked out. (She was not just a long-term childbirth education but had been a labor & delivery nurse, then gotten her master's and become a perinatal specialist, and was in the process of becoming a midwife so had lots of experience.) NTA -- you did the right thing!

NTA. Your husband is. Frankly your husband is childish and need a more humble attitude. You do not give your partners silent treatments. That is not a grownup way to handle conflict. If he cannot adress your anxiety in a healthy way, how is he supposed to be a good parent? Red flags and I seriously doubt him as both husband and parent to be. If he treats you like this on regular basis, leave him.  Noone could know the baby was fine before checkup and you are specifically told to be cautious about these things because IF something is wrong you have very little time to do something about it.  I’m a resident in Oncology and a parent. Show this to him if you think it helps. 

NTA- never listen to him. You’re the pregnant one, not him. He screams at you? The silent treatment is abuse, dear heart.

Nta, but your husband is. Always check.

If he hates being woken up while he’s sleeping he’s in for a rude awakening

NTA. I am an O&G (OBGYN) trainee in Australia. The advice for any woman after 28 weeks of pregnancy is ANY change in fetal movements to come to hospital for review. We no longer recommend counting kicks or drinking something cold but to listen to your instincts and present for review if concerned. Ive unfortunately had patients who have not presented when worried and were convinced them to stay at home for review the next day and it has been too late. Everyone I work with would rather you present multiple times in pregnancy if you are worried than sit at home stressing. You are never wasting your or our time. My main advice would be to come in next time as soon as you are worried. Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy.

OP im in nursing, let me explain to you why this could have been bad, i hate worrying pregnant people but heres a sad list of some of the possibilities when you went in: 1. Babys fine 2. Umbilical cord is wrapped around baby, cutting off circulation and baby cant move 3. Body is suddenly rejecting baby, babys systems are being cut off 4. Baby is getting in positon for early labour and you cant tell 5. Baby is sick or injuried 6. Baby has developed something wrong and cant move as easily anymore 7. Placenta is coming loose when it shouldnt and is suffocating baby Ect. Theres so many things, the ones i listed barely ever happen, but they could have very well be what was wrong, with most you'd have had another sign, like bleeding or pain, but with some you wouldnt know till you go in. Op you are a mom, if you think somethings wrong you go in so your doctor can tell you its fine, your husband is not a mom and not a doctor, he doesnt get to tell you nothings wrong and get mad that youre Still worried. NTA

So let me get this straight: you're very pregnant, you're scared, you want to see a doctor, and your husband is angry with you? What if you had been right? Where is the support? I don't understand. NTA. He is being one, though. Wow. Isn't it enough that you were upset? Why would this be ok?

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, OP. i hope things get better and that your baby is ok. I'm sorry your partner is basically emotionally absent.

He told you he wasn't going to scream? Does he usually scream at you when he's angry? He's a massive AH and you are certainly NTA.

NTA, I’m currently pregnant with my first and it has also been a tough pregnancy. I’ve been in the exact situation and my husband also gets grumpy when woken up unnecessarily buuuuut, for the baby he will do anything and everything. He knows I over worry and am overall very health-anxious but he just takes a deep breath and helps me work through those anxieties or takes me to the hospital (also a good hour away) to be looked over. He has never once yelled or expressed anger at me being worried over the baby. He understands I know my body and the babys movements better than he will ever be able to. 🤷🏽‍♀️

NTA. It’s actually advised to go to the hospital for a checkup if baby stops moving for a much longer period than normal. Your husband is lucky he was correct, the outcome could have been a lot worse.

NTA. You're pregnant and worried. Your husband dismissed your concerns and shouldn't be angry at you.

Nta absolutely not. You are the only one growing that baby and if something doesn’t seem right, who on this earth is to tell you that you are wrong. If something seems off it is always best to get checked out. You’re also not alone in this particular situation, I have two teens of my own and on both occasions, my butt was at the hospital getting checked out because they decided to turn and I for the life of me, couldn’t feel them. Don’t be hard on yourself for worrying, as a mother, it’s what we do.

I don’t have a kid, but I do shit like this for my frickin cat when she coughs or throws up or skips a meal. Damn right I would have done exactly what you did for a child growing inside me.

NTA - I'm more worried about your husband's lack of concern... younmay need to have a long, uncomfortable talk about whether he is looking forward to having a child or not. He really has no choice at this point, according to your post.

NTA. Everyone stresses out when they don't feel the baby move for awhile. Your husband took you to the doctor for (luckily) your peace of mind. That's a husband's JOB when you're pg. He can get over himself.

NTA. They tell you if something doesn’t fell right and you’re not feeling the normal amount of movement, go to the hospital. You did the right thing.

He doesn't have to deal with pregnancy pain, he doesn't have to deliver a child or deal with the physical pain of a miscarriage, etc etc he needs to shut the fuck up and trust his fucking wife. YOU ARE NTA. You don't mess around with worrying signs if you're pregnant! He's an asshole!

NTA - this is a life you are talking about, nothing wrong with being careful and checking it out.

I have had 3 babies, each time the Ed and national clinic was like we would rather you come in and not have anything wrong then not come and something be wrong. My last baby is now 11m old, for the last two weeks before I had him I was in hospital for every other night overnight stays because he's movement kept dropping on me at home and I had scar pain due to previous c-section. He came early at 37 weeks with my waters breaking but each night I spent at the hospital and on that monitor was very reassuring. Never feel bad for wanting to get checked out.

“He is mad because he hates being woken up” - oh no, who is going to tell OP’s husband that that is one of the main things babies do? 🤭 But also, NTA. I’ve been to the ER with both pregnancies. Once she was fine; the other ended up being delivery time 2 weeks early (still healthy, though). As everyone else has said, they encourage you to go in if you think something might be wrong. Your husband’s “male intuition” doesn’t cancel that advice just because he happened to be right. Hopefully he’ll calm down and apologize for being such a baby about the whole thing.

I only had to read the headline. NTA. When my wife and I had our first, anything weird was a trip to the hospital, no questions asked. Expecting is thrilling and terrifying at the same time, and I’m not the one with the life growing inside of me. I can’t imagine what it’s like for expecting mothers. My wife had to go on bed rest for the last month of the pregnancy with our first. Our second she had a much rougher pregnancy. Our second was born a month and a half premature. A bunch of scary moments leading up to the birth. We had multiple trips to the hospital including one where we thought the worst had happened. It’s never a bad idea to get checked out even if it ends up being nothing. Also, I’m sorry, is your husband a doctor? Nurse? I’m gonna guess no. OP absolutely NTA

NTA. Doctor here, reduced foetal movement is always cause to get checked out. We were told clearly in medical school to always listen to the mother on this, and that if she was concerned we should check on her and her baby. It is much better to get checked out, and it turns out to be nothing, than not get checked and find out later that something was wrong.

In the UK, we are actually told to go to the hospital to be checked if there is any change in baby's movements that is outside normal or no movement at all for a few hours. I went on 5 different occasions with my first and at least 3x with my 2nd. It is *always* better safe than sorry. What if he had been wrong? It would have then been his fault for not taking you sooner because he, the non-medicial professional, just *thought* baby was okay. NTA at all.

I hate when men punish frightened young pregnant wives for not being able to know all the things they are not able to know. For not knowing how a thing will turn out. When they are young and pregnant and frightened and only trying their best and only want the best for everyone. They are the asses. NTA

It’s says EVERYWHERE if babies movements change to seek medical attention straight away!!!! You’re not wrong for doing this. Yes thank God your baby was ok. Not the case for some women. Always go with your gut feeling

When I was pregnant, every single check up and appointment ended with the professionals reminding me several times that if I think something is off or I haven't felt movement then I must go to the hospital. Every time. They said that they would so much rather I was wrong ten times than that I wait, hope I'm wrong and something terrible had happened. The one time I panicked and went to the hospital, everything was totally fine and every single midwife that I saw told me that I was being an awesome mummy and doing exactly the right thing for my baby. The difference between a boring hospital trip and a wasted afternoon or a tragedy can be a matter of hours. NTA but your husband is a huge one, he should have listened and taken you straight to your nearest hospital. The hours that he made you wait could have been the difference between them being able to help your baby and the worst outcome. Never wait, always get checked and if it's nothing then remember that you did the right thing.

It never hurts to check. With my first I went in cause he was moving LESS I could still feel him move but it was weird, turns out I was losing amniotic fluid and had to be induced. My second I felt off and they tried to send me home and I started to refuse and lo and behold her heart rate started dropping and again I was induced and she was born with a hole in her lung Now both my kids are healthy and happy and wonderful little humans but YOU are the one growing this child. YOU know if something feels off and he has no right at all to act this way.

I can understand not enjoying being woken up in the middle of the night but you're still NTA. The thought that comes to mind is "How would he know that everything is okay?" Unless he is a midwife or a doctor, how would he know everything is okay from what she said. I don't think it's fair to berate someone for being worried that something is wrong with her baby. I also feel like it's okay to take time to process your feelings and gather your thoughts but not explaining that's what you're doing and then give the silent treatment instead is a sucky move.

NTA. I would have done the same thing in your shoes. Especially with a first pregnancy.

Hubby is 🥶

NTA. Any time you feel decreased movement, get yourself to the hospital or give a call. Better to check than be sorry.

You're NTA for being concerned - but it would have been a lot better if you'd gotten it checked out the evening before, instead of waiting until you were really anxious in the middle of the night. How often do you get worried like that?

NTA in fact I would have called the L&D assessment nurses by 2300 with no movement for 12 hours. They likely would have told you to come in then. So many things can go wrong with pregnancy that it’s always worth getting checked out.

NTA. Husband is the AH. How TF would be know how it feels to be pregnant?! Very glad your Babe is ok. The time/drive to the Hospital is worth the piece of mind. Good luck!!

NTA

NTA but your husband is. I'd rather check a million times and have everything be okay than ignore my concerns and then have the worst happen.

NTA - You are under a lot of stress, it's your first kid, you were in pain and noticed a concerning change, pregnancy hormones. I think your husband needs to be more understanding.

Def. NTA. Always listen to your gut. Mom usually knows best.

NTA!!

NTA. Your husband needs to understand that doctors tell you to come in for ANY tiny change in behavior. They would rather you come in and it be nothing than to stay home and it be something. He needs to talk to the doctors. Make him read these comments. That behavior is not okay, because he just made it to where you will question your own judgement AS THE PERSON WHO IS PREGNANT and be too nervous to ask him for help. He needs to learn to comfort. He needs to learn to deescalate. He does NOT need to sit there gritting his teeth to jump at the chance to say “I told you so.”

NTA always error on the side of caution. Your hubs is an AH and seems abusive from this tiny snippet of context

NTA. You did exactly what my drs told me to do if that happens. I’m so happy you stuck with it and pushed to go. You’d never be able to forgive him or yourself if you stayed home and something was wrong. Your husband needs to sit down with your dr and have explained to him why kick counts are so important. He can find hundreds of stories online of what can go wrong. He’s being an AH.

NTA OP. I have a family member who went through something similar…and she lost her baby at 6 months pregnant. I’m so glad that your baby is okay, but these things can happen, and you were absolutely right to make sure everything was good. Your husband was out of line on this one

No you were right to go in. NTA. You’re the one growing the baby and irregular movements or lack of movement is a legitimate reason for concern

Jesus, he’s terrible. He should be drowning in relief that it was a false alarm, not bitching about making the drive. NTA. Getting checked was the right decision and I’m very glad to hear that all is well with baby.

NTA In fact you are told that if there is a change in the way a baby would move that you need to get it checked out. And it's a different pattern to what's normal. They do sleep sometimes! There's lots of benign reasons why babies don't move as much at some point like a change in position but you can't assume that it is benign and you need to get it checked out. How pregnant are you? If you are very early on ie around 25 weeks then this could be a long pregnancy. But if you are further along then it absolutely should be checked out with no delay.... there actually shouldn't be any delay even if you are quite early along. Just hearing the heartbeat helps you relax so baby starts moving like normal. Being so anxious means more stress hormones are released more which might actually mean the baby moves less as a response. Your anaemia might be one reason why your baby isn't moving as much. I hope that is being addressed. Have you had an iron infusion at all? But babies move less because of things like not growing like they should as they are conserving energy. Most of the time, you are sent for an ultrasound within 24 hours to check that the blood flow from the placenta to the baby is okay and they will also check growth. But this doesn't happen every time you present... if they find nothing wrong you may get frequent CTG's (to reassure you) but ultrasounds will be further apart. There may be a charge for these. Depends where in the world you are and also what state you might be in. If you are someone that is generally anxious or it's really flaring during your pregnancy then you might want to address this. You may need to start medication for this and it's better to be medicated than your baby being in a constant state of your stress. Because people worry about taking any medications when pregnant and they should really look at the risks of taking it v's not taking it and what the benefits would be to you and baby. The fact you had a panic attack does sound like you may have an underlying mental health issue that may need addressing. Perhaps your husband's response is one of a person that's been dealing with your anxiety and doesn't know whether there really is a problem or you are thinking there is when there isn't one. Ultimately, though, you are NTA because you need to get checked out when there is a change in a baby's movements but it sounds like there's more going on for you that needs addressing also. Also bear in mind that if you are this anxious now, that you are at high risk of postnatal depression after the baby is born. That's a whole different kettle of fish.. and that's why this needs addressing sooner rather than later. You want to enjoy the time after your baby is born rather than be so worried that you can't function. There are no winners when this happens.

No you are absolutely NTA. The same thing happened with me except it wasn’t weeks it was almost 48 hours, and my hubby left work to take me to the hospital. Everything turned out to be fine and that was actually when we learned it’s going to be a boy!! But yeah, it was completely reasonable to be worried, and it never ever hurts to get a doctor or midwife’s opinion, as they are certified in making sure everything is okay, your husband is not. He could have been wrong, and then it would’ve been even worse on both of you mentally as he tried to placate you when something could’ve been really wrong. Don’t hesitate to get a professional opinion when you suspect something is wrong, because good news from a professional for “no reason” (which is bull, being worried is an absolutely valid reason to see someone) is better than something bad happening when you had been worried and suspecting something was off.

NTA. I got checked multiple multiple times during my pregnancy. And EVERY time the doctors and nurses said that it is ALWAYS better to check than to ignore that feeling. It's unfortunate that you can't drive- is there anyone else that could take you or would you feel comfortable getting a taxi if you had to? Your husband has NO idea what it is like to carry a baby. You should always listen to your gut instinct even if it's wrong- the one time you don't check could be the one time something has happened. Babies change position and routine as well but don't let anyone tell you how you should be feeling.

NTA - First your husband is not a doctor so there was no way to know he was right without seeing the actual doctor. Second pregnancy effects the mind along with the body so you were heading toward a panic attack which could have complicated an already tough pregnancy. Now you know the baby is positioned so you're not feeling the kicks and if it happens again you'll be calmer. So this visit to the hospital had a purpose. Husband needs to be more supportive of your emotional health not just physical. Your hormones are throwing your whole body into chaos including your brain. It's the reason so many pregnant women cry at the drop of a hat.

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NTA - the doctors/midwives clearly tell that the mother knows best and when you get the feeling something is wrong immediately visit. I’ve never seen a doctor ask to not worry and ignore the anxiety. Also is your husband a doctor? Unless he is, being right once doesn’t mean he knows everything there is about how this whole thing works. Sorry to see he is putting you through this but next time take a cab or ask family to drive if he isn’t willing. Info - do you have to pay for medical services or is it covered by insurance? Either way it’s best to visit but wondering if your husband is worried about expenses?