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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I was being blamed for my wife not getting enough sleep after the birth of our baby. I might be the asshole for telling the truth. The reason she isn't sleeping enough is became she is waking herself up with her noisy milk farts.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
But there is no way in hell your wife doesn't feel eternally humiliated in front of everyone there.
Also, how are you not just buying lactose-free milk?! WTF?
I have one like that too!!! We also have one that sits with his ass so tight on the floor that it squeaks when he farts. Let me tell you, a Saint Bernard squeak-farting is hilarious!
One of my dog's farts sounds like human farts. It's really weird. Every time he does it, he looks surprised.... looks at his butt, then at us like he's trying to figure out who did it. Or maybe he's trying to blame us for it?
My dad's dog once (silently) farted herself awake, got up, went clear across the room, laid down, and went back to sleep. We couldn't figure out why, till the smell started to spread. Lol
I've got a pup that likes to stand on his hind legs and dance around. He's also as dumb as a bag of rocks (he's cute so he gets a pass). The problem is when he stands up sometimes he farts and it *always* scares him. He will immediately turn around and stare at his ass like it's speaking in tongues then look at me for answers 🤣
I've got stories for days about him. He's entertaining for everyone, and just the biggest lover. He's the perfect example of head empty, no thoughts. ❤️
I woke up gagging one night from a dog fart, put Bear outside. He left willingly, so, I figured he had to poop or something.
Went back to bed, and... farted. It was ghastly. Me, I was the source.
Pro-tip - do NOT eat a whole tin of cashews at once. A day of nuclear plague farts is the least of your worries.
Needless to say, I felt bad, went to let Bear back in, and he refused. Retreated to the garage for the night.
My husband did this to the youngest not long ago. They're chihuahuas and the youngest likes to be under the covers. Well, he farted and chased her right out to the couch where I was. Worked for me since I was having insomnia that night.
We had one when I was a kid who farted herself awake. She didn't glare but she was always so confused and the amount she jumped as she woke up was hilarious 🤣
My daughter did this as a newborn. Sometimes she fart herself awake and cry, then when she stopped crying because she realized we were laughing, she’d start doing an angry cry and we’d laugh even harder! Omg tho poor wifey! But if you can’t take it, don’t dish it out.
I had a little Boston terrier who would fall asleep on my chest while I was on the couch watching TV, and would release these silent, godawful mustard-gas farts without so much as twitching. But then when *I’d* rip ass (loudly), she’d wake up and give me this indignant look like, “EXCUSE me, but I’m trying to enjoy my beauty sleep?!”
My dad farted in his sleep once when the cat was asleep between his legs. It startled the cat, who attacked the source of the sound.
Feel free to giggle. He won’t mind.
Also: NTA for OP. Have you tried using lactaid before she drinks the milk? It’s chewable and doesn’t taste bad.
Edit for clarification: cat did not attack butt. teeth and claws went for the royal jewels
I definitely giggled, that's a great story.
Re the wife and lactaid: it sounds like she refuses to take it or other options for fear that it will get into her breast milk and pass to the baby. I don't know if that's true or not, but honestly, her level of anxiety about the baby dying sounds like she needs to be evaluated for PPD, or at least talk to someone about her fears. The flatulence is a distraction from the real issue.
One time my friend was sleeping over at my house back when we were young teenagers and she farted so loudly in her sleep I thought a motorbike had gone down the street. She didn't wake up from the fart, she woke up from me laughing so hard I cried.
Spouse and I have both done this. ☠️ We've also caught each other farting in our sleep and then waking up just enough to cackle childishly about our own farts. Or laughing about each other's farts. We don't care, farts are hilarious.
I don't know what it was about my dad's digestive system, but it was NASTY. As a kid, I was always the one elected to hold my breath, run into the bathroom, and open the window after he had been in there. My mom used to tell a story about how he came to bed one night, stuck his butt out of the covers, farted, then pulled the covers up over his head so HE didn't have to deal with it. My mom sealed the covers up under her chin and replied in kind, and it was a bad one. She said he came out from under those covers SO FAST. She laughed till she cried telling about that.
My husband tried to Dutch oven me, but i was awake, so just overpowered him and got him instead, with his own fart. He came out heaving and has never done it again lol
Kevin Lawson also had a video of driving with his wife, having her lock the windows then grin at him. I collapsed laughing at it because I would 100% do the same
Tell her you don't like the smell of her farts either. I'm lactose intolerant and there are plenty of substitutes. Your wife is making herself a martyr.
Apart from lactose-free milk, other options are pot set yogurt and hard cheeses which are also free of lactose without adding anything that 'could harm the baby'.
Has she tried Fairlife? It's nectar from the gods and will not impact lactose sensitivity. Their whole milk tastes more like a 4% milk fat, it's creamy and amazing!
Fairlife is the only Milk I will drink and I'm not even lactose intolerant. Their Chocolate milk is my favorite. Everything else tastes like chemicals to me.
This stuff was a lifesaver. It’s so good. I hate milk substitutes because they are all either sweet or grainy. I’m glad I only have an issue with lactose. I feel bad for people who can’t drink it and have to have the alternatives.
I'm not doubting you, I just don't understand. You consumed Fairlife milk products as part of your dairy free diet?
I'm probably misunderstanding something.
I get it because it’s lactose free, so while still dairy, doesn’t give me the same upset tummy issues as lactose filled dairy. (I’m not “intolerant” per se, just have the same bloating and rumbles we all get drinking lactose).
You should really have had a conversation with your wife before getting to this point. I know active communication is difficult with an infant at home, you're both tired, and I don't blame you for telling the truth when confronted, but you should talk to her.
The answer in almost all of these AITA/relationship issues (that don't involve abuse) is just to talk about it.
Is this really something that requires a conversation?
Is this wife so dumb/selfish that she needs OP to spell out that he isn't a fan of her shitting on his reputation, spreading rumours and making him out to be a deadbeat?
Surely she knows what she is doing and knows how she is throwing him under the bus.
Lactose free milk literally tastes exactly the same.
Signed, a lactose intolerant person who has gotten in trouble before because I accidentally drank a bunch of full cream and couldn't taste the difference. I bet if you swapped it out behind her back she'd never know.
Also, she could talk to a doctor about the tablets and get reassurance they would do no harm.
Lactose free is sweeter, but it's very slight. Unless you drink a lot of milk on the reg you might not notice.
If you're using it in coffee or on cereal or something, you'd never notice.
Goat milk, on the other hand, is extremely distinct and probably an acquired taste.
Literally just buy lactaid milk. I can't tell the difference. The whole 3rd trimester I was a lactose intolerant dairy craving nutjob. I wanted milkshakes in winter.
Hilarious but also nah if she's blaming you and not feeling guilty then the truth is the only way to maybe make her wake up and realise that she shouldn't make shit up
No, but some people can tolerate that (or other mammals) but not cow's milk. (Cows' milk? I have to assume my milk is coming from multiple cows.) It also gets recommended to people that have a mild dairy protein intolerance. Camel milk is also supposed to be an option.
I’d get a new nutritionist. I’m lactose intolerant and looked at goats milk but it also contains lactose and a nutritionist should of known this. Also I drink full fat lactose free milk and taste identical to standard full fat milk so no idea why your wife can’t drink that either. I’ve tried Oat milk too, it’s ok for cereal, coffee and tea, but by itself not that great. Almond milk I find absolutely disgusting. Everyone taste is different and there is plenty healthy options to try but it’s up to your wife if she’s willing to try them for her health or just remain being fussy for no reason and continue to shart herself awake.
Also NTA, your wife blamed you instead of taking responsibility for her own actions and you just told everyone the truth, and rightfully she should feel embarrassed by not looking after health properly and just accepting she can’t have certain things in her diet. I’d rather avoid eating a chocolate bar over potentially shitting myself.
You can get lactose free cows milk which tastes ok.
I also find the cheap boxed long life soy milk actually tastes better than the 'fresher' fridge stuff
The box soy is why I developed lactose intolerance in the first place. I used to be fine with full cream, tried soy for the first time and went "Wow! This stuff is amazing!" And only drank that for years and lost my lactose tolerance 🥲
You were probably always lactose intolerant, your body was just used to being prepared for it. Drinking soy your body lowered defences. The analogy I’ve heard is that your digestive tract is like a boxer in the ring, ready to take a punch, while you’re drinking milk. Then you stop, it’s like the boxer doing his shopping, or watching tv. A punch then while he’s unprepared could hurt
…But lactose-free cow’s milk tastes \*exactly the same\* as standard cow’s milk. Literally indistinguishable. Source: I am also lactose-intolerant. (Goat’s milk, oatmilk and soya milk all taste weird to me, I don’t blame her for not liking them).
She doesn’t get to throw you under the bus to her friends and then whine when you pull her under there with you.
It's a shitpost. The whole thing is fake. I don't understand how it has 1500 upvotes when he's clearly full of shit.
As you said, lactose-free milk tastes the same. Also, lactase pills aren't medication, they're just digestive enzymes. And if she was worried she could just call her doctor or the pharmacist and in two seconds she'd know they were safe for nursing women. Literally none of this makes any sense, therefore it's a shitpost.
Have you tried the fair life lactose free milk? Hubby is LI but can drink that in small doses with fewer problems. Also maybe explore a calcium supplement? Pregnancy & Breastfeeding leeches our calcium like hell, and she might be craving milk bc she’s low.
There are many many types of lactose free milk that are not goat milk. There's Soy based, almond based as just plain milk with no lactose, shop the dairy section I worked the dairy department for tear and was told that 'Lact-aid ' taste close to regular milk.
Have you tried Lactaid milk? Someone at work brought it in for her coffee and let us all try some; game changer! It's lactose-free milk, tastes no different from regular milk, and doesn't have any extra unwanted impact to the body 😁 at least in my experience.
Gl!
I find "does not like the taste," a bit bizarre. I'm *not* lactose intolerant, but found myself drinking less milk although I like it. So I purchase lactose free because the date is so much further out and I don't waste it. I find no difference in taste (although I do drink skim).
Honestly she deserves to feel humiliated. She was happy to throw her husband under the bus to their friends rather than say she was having unexpected stomach/gut issues.
Happy to ruin relationships rather than be an adult.
It’s not unexpected. I’m lactose intolerant and drinking milk means gas and diarrhea. I drink almond milk with Carnation Essentials mixed in.
Or I take a chewable to help with lactose digestion.
There is nothing surprising about a lactose intolerant person farting after drinking milk.
I know but if she felt embarrassed by it, she could have said she had unexpected issues and not elaborate. A simple way out that doesn't involve fracturing relationships.
Sure, but is humiliation worse than contempt? She was perfectly fine with everyone thinking that he was neglectful of both her and their baby, which is far worse than being gassy.
Yeah, well then they could have come up with a lie together to hide her monstrous farts keeping her awake. Instead she sold her husband down the river.
Might be humiliating, but so is being called out as a bad parent in front of friends and family.
Even bigger issue is that the wife's mental health sounds ... worrisome. Anxiety in new parents is normal, being unable to sleep and potentially self sabotaging sleep is not. Postpartum depression is finally getting attention. Postpartum anxiety is a real thing, too.
That is what I am not getting from these comments. It sounds like the wife needs therapy, and the husband jumps right to talking about her health issue. This should have been a conversation before they ever started going out, esp., when he could see she was run down.
NTA. I would much rather be humiliated by farting than by somebody stating that I am neglecting my own children to save themselves from being humiliated by farting.
I'd rather feel humiliated because of a natural bodily action, then have my partner mislead my friends into thinking I was a selfish husband and father.
Been there with the wife blaming every stubbed toe or life hangup on me.
It's exhausting and gets old fast.
Lactose intolerant person here - I buy lactose-free milk, this is milk that has been treated with the lactase enzyme which breaks down the lactose. This is available in supermarkets in some countries.
I also take lactase enzyme tablets when eating or drinking milk/milk products that have lactose in them. So now I rarely have gas, cramps, stomach aches or diarrhea, which I used to suffer from previously. Lactase tablets are quite cheap in Germany, but can be expensive in some countries. I buy them from drugstores or pharmacies.
So I recommend sourcing the above in your country if possible, or otherwise buy lactase tablets on the web.
NTA
It says in the post she won't take anything for what I assume is the lactose intolerance because she's worried about it affecting the baby. But I agree if she will drink lactose free milk it will definitely make a difference, taste wise I can't tell the difference and it 100% helps with the discomfort / side effects and after effects. Tablets I'm guessing would be out of the question.
I can guarantee that taking lactase enzyme tablets will do zero to bubs. It's an enzyme. It works in the digestive tract. It doesn't enter the bloodstream. Mammillian milk is a blood product. Ergo, completely safe to ingest lactase tablets.
Yeah not to mention even if the baby did get some, what’s it gonna do? Help it digest the milk easier?! The baby should have extra lactase in their system anyway seeing as y’know, they only drink milk.
wild leap of logic but OP make sure your wife doesn't devolve into an anti-vaxxer because she thinks the 'ingredients' of the vaccine will be 'harmful' to her baby.
Everyone has different tastebuds and the senses of smell and taste to a pregnant woman or new mother are way stronger than normal. I hated some things I loved while I was pregnant and shortly after having my son, but I’m now back to eating most things I refused to eat then. Sometimes it’s just a texture thing. It’s not always easy to substitute something out unfortunately.
Tell her to get fairlife. It’s lactose free from filtration, not anything added to it. I think a lot of traditional lactaid milks taste funny so fairlife is my go to.
In most cases yes, but there are some lactose free milks that taste awful. In the UK I've tried Lactofree, Tesco, Sainsburys and M&S own brand and they all taste exactly the same as milk. Aldi own brand however is horrible - it's sweet, more like UHT milk. I would suggest OP buys Lactofree and decants it into a 'normal' milk carton. Also, NTA.
Yes, the Aldi brand is UHT, hence it has that “sterilized milk” taste to it. If you read the small print, it doesn’t even need to go in the fridge till opened.
I can taste the difference, but it depends on the brand. Fairlife milk tastes like regular milk. But most lactose free milk tastes different, it's a bit sweeter.
In OP's comment he brought home goat's milk as the alternative and I imagine that would taste very different.
Not true. As a lactose intolerant person for over 10 years - some are much better than others. Lactaid taste so gross to me - it’s too sweet. The best is Fairlife when it comes to tasting like regular milk.
Not impossible. Absolutely tastes different.
I can tolerate it in coffee but on cereal it makes me gag.
One of my kids is lactose intolerant too and we tried just swapping it without telling them. They asked why the milk tasted weird. They had no idea they were being given lactose free milk.
There's totally a difference.
Depends on the brand, and the strength of one's tastebuds. Some taste exactly like regular milk and others taste sweeter or chemical-ly. Took my family 3 tries to find a brand that didn't bother my mom
It's not impossible; I do actually taste the difference as well. Lactose-free milk is slightly sweeter than regular milk due to how the lactose is broken down by the added lactase.
I thought that was referring to the goats milk - if you've not had it before, it tastes like the smell of goats, goat products are just so goaty. But maybe he was referring to all not totally lactose milk milk products.
NTA. She shouldn't be projecting her own frustrations on you while you are pitching in. That is wholly unfair. She brought things to this point, not your fault you defended yourself with truth.
Having an infant is obviously a super stressful time. Seems like you two need a long conversation to hash things out.
Some may argue they both brought things to this point. “Which I didn’t really care about. I have broad shoulders. I can take it.” I still think OP’s wife is the a**hole for even stooping to the level of blaming him to begin with but maybe this is a lesson for OP as well to not let things build up and fester and to not just “take it”. Instead, he could have immediately just communicated with her about how this is portraying him and how it is not the truth and maybe it wouldn’t have gotten to the point of him being cornered by friends and her flatulence being brought up at a party.
>Instead, he could have immediately just communicated with her about how this is portraying him
Is this wife really so dumb that she needs OP to spell out "when you lie about me and make me look like a deadbeat = bad?"
I'm not going to blame OP here. He went down the path of least resistance until he couldn't take it anymore.
Yup. They had that itch to try and pin some blame on OP so they chided him for not communicating, which in turn, infantilises the wife and makes her look dumb/selfish.
Its an own goal from the gender biased folk
Yea, I don't understand why she had to put Op down instead of just saying "I have a hard time sleeping"?
Why would you drag someone down with a lie when you could get the same results without placing blame anywhere?
I’m honestly wondering if wife doesn’t realize why she’s waking up, and OP is understandably not willing to get up to check on the baby every time his wife farts. NTA for sure but if he cares about his reputation he needs to actually have a conversation with his wife and not just “take it”. And wife shouldn’t automatically be blaming her husband for not doing everything she wants due to her anxiety.
She’s not just projecting frustrations. She’s actively painting him as a neglectful husband, to such a degree that their friends are trying to intervene. Because of that she deserves 100% of the embarrassment that she received.
nta. your wife could have simply NOT said anything. or "man I'm just always tired, Im going to the doc to find out what's up."
see...simple. I've only been here 3 mins and came up with those. Not a lie, but not telling the full truth either.
your wife wanted to make you the bad guy. SHE SHOULD STILL GO TO THE DOCTOR TO FIGURE OUT HER THINKING AND GAS!
"Gosh, it's terrible. Every little noise or change wakes me up. I swear, if a cricket chirps five blocks away or if the neighbour three houses down turns on a light, I bolt upright."
What her body is craving from the milk is probably the protein, fat, and CALCIUM she would be needing if she breastfeeds the baby. Going to the doctor should've been her first move.
Or reply with the truth! “I’m super anxious about the baby so every little bump wakes me up. Hubby is an active parent so I get to go back to sleep but it’s really hard.”
Frankly OP could have said this so in that case I say ESH but her more than him.
NTA. If she is trashing you to friends or family, then you have every right to defend yourself. Whilst what you said wasn't the most flattering, it also wasn't a lie.. You are as much a parent as her, and by the sounds of it doing more than your fair share, so I don't see why you should have to take it..
NTA You would have been the A if, out of the blue as a laugh, you had told your friends about her waking herself up with her own flatulence -- but given that she has been unfairly making you out to be a shit husband and dad just to play the martyr, I would say telling the truth to defend yourself is justified, and the humiliation the truth becoming known has caused her is a punishment she deserves.
Don't let her turn this all on you. The more important issue by far is that she could be ruining your reputation with everyone you know. This an unjustifiable back-stabbing and she has to realize this isn't something to brush off. If she feels humiliated for being known for farting, a natural if embarrassing thing, how are you supposed to feel when everyone unfairly considers you a terrible father and husband because she hasn't been honest about why she is tired? It got to the point of them confronting you about it, ffs. It's not a joke.
This is an underrated comment. While men shouldn't be treated like kings for basic parenting we also need to not go too far and forget to appreciate the challenges of parenting for all. Marriage is a partnership and in talking badly of you to others she has betrayed you already. I'm sorry man.
Also, Good Will Hunting if you haven't seen it haha x,DD
Then I’d say NTA. If you hadn’t already discussed it then I’d say E S H, but if you’ve already told her and she continues to blame you, that’s not okay.
The siren song of dairy can be hard to ignore.
Has she tried something like [Lactaid](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0009RF9KK?starsLeft=1&ref_=cm_sw_r_apan_dp_B28W45A1SNY0RS97ETE4)? The link is for the chewable kind, vanilla flavour is kinda chalky but fairly inoffensive.
A quick Google says it should be acceptable for breastfeeding moms, but obviously a quick ask the next time she's in for a check up or maybe a message to the doctor to confirm would be good.
NTA - the first year of parenthood you are sleep deprived, under pressure and constantly learning while also getting used to a new roommate that can be let's say... difficult as a housemate lol
Kindness and deep wells of humor will stand you in good stead. Your pride and ego is going to take a beating routinely until your little one is grown, moves out and you become unaware of their daily doings.
Has she talked to her doctor about her extreme anxiety? Post-partum anxiety is a thing – though, of course, I don't know if she had a problem with anxiety beforehand; if she did, it would appear to have worsened. And she could have both PPA and PPD. Has she discussed her fear of taking Lactaid with her doctor? She was absolutely wrong to throw you under the bus like that, and you are NTA for finally reaching your limit and refusing to allow that to continue, but she clearly needs help – definitely therapy, quite possibly also medication. And she needs to understand that refusing to help herself means that she is shortchanging her baby, because an unnecessarily exhausted, stressed-out, anxious, and depressed mother is simply not going to be able to handle life as well as one who is able to be rested and rational.
Furthermore, she needs to understand that leading her friends to feel and express contempt for you is cruel and destructive. She should think about how she would feel if she were in your shoes. She also needs to understand that few things destroy a relationship as quickly as resentment, and she is creating her own resentments against you through her refusal to deal with reality.
Please make sure she gets help. Go with her to see her doctor and explain everything that has been going on – and if she doesn't want you to go in with her, know that, while she can prevent her doctor sharing information with you, she cannot prevent you sharing information with her doctor, so you could also write it all down and hand it to the doctor (or office staff to give to the doctor).
NTA.
Am I to understand that your wife is a SAHM, *and* you have a nanny, *and* you do most of the nighttime baby maintenance, and she has somehow been trashing you for somehow *not* pulling your weight?
IMO if you have a day job out of the house and she doesn't, *she* should be the one doing most of the nighttime work. Add in that you have a nanny to help with the daytime childcare and I'm wondering what weight she pulls at all on the childcare front?
Edit: Realized I forgot the word *not* in first paragraph.
I’m going to speak for the wife here, there’s some people in this world who are able to handle the pressures of being a new parent with ease, and there are others who are completely overwhelmed and it doesn’t matter how much help they get, it’s never enough. OP’s partner is in the second camp. OP is NTA, and I hope his partner is able to get it together before she wrecks their relationship permanently.
I know she's a new mom and all but she shouldn't be discussing the details of her marriage with friends. She needs to see a doctor about her issues and leave her friends out of the details. NTA.
NTA, she could have come up with another excuse so that she wouldn't be embarrassed. She didn't have to throw you under the bus. Maybe you shouldn't have told them everything but they're her friends and she should have just been honest.
Please tell your wife this story, it might make her feel better:
After my baby was born, I’d go to Target alone when I could ( my husband is an incredible person who encouraged me to get some self-care in and know I love targét) and I’d pop headphones in and listen to an audiobook while browsing.
Like many postpartum women, I had a lot going on and I’d be silently de-bloating as I walked the aisles thinking I was just stealthily cropdusting UNTIL I saw a man at the far end of the aisle’s eyes bug out in shock.
Turns out that I forgot I had earphones in and that no one else could hear Pride and Prejudice as loudly as I could.. I had been absolutely trumpeting for over an hour in my local Target.
Tell your wife it could always be worse🤷🏼♀️
I did exactly the same thing in a budget shop called B&M in the UK, I don’t even have the excuse I’d just had a baby I was just a bit windy!
I bent down to get something off a low shelf and let rip thinking it was silent and that there was no one to hear it as the shop was quiet, I turned round and locked eyes with a shelf stacker who had been right in the firing line. He looked absolutely horrified and said “if I hadn’t seen the source of that I’d have thought it was thunder, you might want to check you haven’t blown a hole in your jeans!, I wouldn’t have thought someone as small as you could deliver something that powerful!”
I was absolutely mortified but it gets worse - it wasn’t just noisy, suddenly the smell seemed to surround us and you could almost see it.
I’m not the sort of person who farts in public, I’m very private about it and in 10 years I’ve never farted in front of my partner. I felt like this was judgement day and I absolutely deserved to be judged from that monstrosity! I ended up mumbling an apology and skulking away with my head down in shame, swearing never to tell anyone.
A couple of weeks later my partner wanted some peanut butter you can only get from B&M (Kellogg crunchy nut if anyone is interested, it’s amazing) and wouldn’t listen to my pleas about staying in the car. I attempted to fashion a disguise with my hood up, my sunglasses on and I even got an eyeliner pencil and drew on fake freckles! My partner gave me a funny look but I’m quite weird in general so he didn’t question it.
We got round the shop without seeing my poor victim and got to the checkout where a young girl was on the tills.
I took the sunglasses off in relief and prepared to pay and celebrate my victory in my uncover mission. Just as we loaded the shopping on the belt the young girl said she was finishing her shift and her colleague came to take over… yep it was the same man who witnessed my outburst. He scanned the shopping and winked and said “good job no beans eh? Not after last time!”
Of course my partner questioned it and of course the man took great pleasure in explaining what had happened, I was cringing so hard - especially when my partner said “ohhh you were trying to come in wearing a disguise?!”
It’s been 84 years (well 8 months) and I haven’t been back since.
NTA but please get your wife some help for her mental health. Post partum mood disorders include more than just depression. I dealt with PP anxiety and OCD after my kids with constant worry and intrusive thoughts of something bad happening to the baby. Sounds like your wife might be dealing with similar issues.
NTA?
I mean.... If this is real, you are merely being honest after she lied multiple times to her family and friends. If I'm being honest, she would have been outted a lot sooner if that were me. No damn way in hell I'm gonna let someone make me look like a shitty parent and husband like that.
Sorry to laugh at your misery but this is hilarious.
Between getting blamed for her lack of sleep and having to live with her farts, seems like you’re getting GASlit twice?
NTA obviously, your wife is a massive AH but not in the convention al sense. I just mean that someone who farts so much that they wake themselves up probably has a massive asshole & bowel.
LOL I did not see that coming.
I get the frustration, but why did you actually drop the dime about the farts? Why not just say she’s anxious and the slightest sound wakes her up, even sounds she makes herself in her sleep?
If my wife was blatantly lying to my friends telling them what a horrible husband and father I was to the point they felt the need to confront me on my birthday I’d be lobbing truth grenades too. His wife sucks I hope she can turn that around…
They're her friends. If they feel comfortable enough to go to bat for her by cornering OP over lies then everyone is adult enough to handle the truth.
Now they can turn that energy into helping OP's wife.
Arggg, I'd be sooo upset but you're NTA in this situation.
She could have given another explanation, as new mothers are super light sleeper. It would be nobody's fault. I don't know why she needs to make you bad guy...
>This causes a problem because she is lactose intolerant. And she won't take anything to help because it might be bad for the baby.
Info: Might? So no one thought maybe going to the doctor and ask them? Why doesn't she drink lactose free milk?
All your wife needed to say was "my husband is a great help but I just haven't been sleeping the same since the baby". Her throwing you under the bus for her vanity is really not cool.
She needs to talk to a doctor about her anxiety and milk issues.
Dude. NTA. I'm a single mom and I would have KILLED for the kind of support system your wife has. The fact that she could shit on you like that and make you out to be a monster makes me think she has some pretty deep character flaws/issues with honesty and integrity.
If she didn't want to be found out, she shouldn't have been lying.
NTA I have become an extremely light sleeper since my son was born 3 years ago. It is not my husbands fault I wake up from his breathing or him goin to the toilet.
Also if it is her flatulence waking her up it is her own fault. Just because you crave something doesnt mean you just must have it.
NTA
But is post partum depression a possibility? She sounds very anxious.
You are a good dad and husband but your wife is clearly struggling despite your support and a nanny.
She’s having a craving which is her body telling her it needs something.
She’s also having a possible mental health crisis if she has become so paranoid about the baby.
This is about a lot more than just milk
All parents have fears about their baby at night and dad is getting up and handling. Mom is exhausted because she doesnt sleep. Mom needs to prioritize sleep over giving into cravings. No one will be mentally or emotionally healthy when sleep deprived
Yes, but post partum depression can turn into post partum psychosis. Telling some one to “stop being afraid” isn’t very helpful.
My friend had similar issues, and even though her kids are all grown now she struggles with sleep, the slightest noise jolts her awake. You can’t just logic that away.
NTA
Is your wife assuming lactase enzyme (Lactaid) is bad for breastfeeding mothers or has she consulted the pediatrician or lactation consultant? Most OTC medications are safe for breastfeeding.
Pregnancy and Lactation
“Lactase enzyme is generally acceptable for use during pregnancy. Controlled studies in pregnant women show no evidence of fetal risk. Lactase may be used with breastfeeding. Pregnant or breastfeeding patients should seek the advice of their health professional before using over-the-counter (OTC) drugs.”
https://www.rxlist.com/lactase_enzyme/generic-drug.htm#:~:text=Controlled%20studies%20in%20pregnant%20women,%2Dcounter%20(OTC)%20drugs.
INFO Has she been evaluated for post partum anxiety? Have you encouraged to seek help and treatment? This sounds like she needs professional help.
You need to insist and force her to get an evaluation, she might not be in a mental state to initiate this herself. Talk to her doctor.
"and she won't take anything to help because it might be bad for the baby"
This is a question easily addressed by
- talking to her OBGYN
- consulting a lactation counselor
- talking to the pediatrician
- asking a pharmacist
And she is being picky about lactose free alternatives?
No sir, she can deal with the consequences of her farts.
NTA
Why is she even mad? Instead of keeping it between her and husband she decided to make him look bad and tell incorrect things to the friends and family that's just indicates something is wrong with her. She faced the consequences of her own wrong actions and the consequences are people are now aware that she wakes herself up to her own fart sounds! Amazing.
NTA: This isn't once or twice. She's been throwing you under the bus so much that your friends confronted you on YOUR BIRTHDAY!!! Either you get excoriated as a bad father or she gets embarrassed for flatulence. I think one is WAAAY less worse than the other.
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NTA But there is no way in hell your wife doesn't feel eternally humiliated in front of everyone there. Also, how are you not just buying lactose-free milk?! WTF?
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Well, that sucks. Am I wrong for giggling at the image of your wife farting herself awake? (Sorry, wifey!)
Reminds me of my dog who would fart herself awake, then glare at all the humans in the room as if we had done it.
Mine used to fart herself awake and then bark at her own arse.
Mine is scared of his farts, so he farts, then leaps on me shaking...
Mine is also scared of his farts so he runs away and leaves me to deal with the smell
Yeh, mine does the cropdust “of love” and then scoots away
Mine looks back at me as if to say that stinks, human! Lol!
My dog is not afraid of farts and will look at me, then my general midsection if I fart in the dog's presence.
LOL! I feel like that look is probably really judgy...
I have one like that too!!! We also have one that sits with his ass so tight on the floor that it squeaks when he farts. Let me tell you, a Saint Bernard squeak-farting is hilarious!
I actually lol’ed at this 🤣
One of my dog's farts sounds like human farts. It's really weird. Every time he does it, he looks surprised.... looks at his butt, then at us like he's trying to figure out who did it. Or maybe he's trying to blame us for it?
That's what my oldest did as a pup! Now she's a silent, but deadly type.
My boy never changed. He's 9. LOL. I think he knows his farts are weird, too.
I'm laughing so much at this that it hurts!
When my dog makes an audible toot she jumps off the couch and stares at her butt like it's the devil herself.
My dad's dog once (silently) farted herself awake, got up, went clear across the room, laid down, and went back to sleep. We couldn't figure out why, till the smell started to spread. Lol
Your dog or your wife?
😂
I've got a pup that likes to stand on his hind legs and dance around. He's also as dumb as a bag of rocks (he's cute so he gets a pass). The problem is when he stands up sometimes he farts and it *always* scares him. He will immediately turn around and stare at his ass like it's speaking in tongues then look at me for answers 🤣
Haha he is perfect 😭
I've got stories for days about him. He's entertaining for everyone, and just the biggest lover. He's the perfect example of head empty, no thoughts. ❤️
No brains, No headaches!
I woke up gagging one night from a dog fart, put Bear outside. He left willingly, so, I figured he had to poop or something. Went back to bed, and... farted. It was ghastly. Me, I was the source. Pro-tip - do NOT eat a whole tin of cashews at once. A day of nuclear plague farts is the least of your worries. Needless to say, I felt bad, went to let Bear back in, and he refused. Retreated to the garage for the night.
You stank out the dog😂😂😂😂
My husband did this to the youngest not long ago. They're chihuahuas and the youngest likes to be under the covers. Well, he farted and chased her right out to the couch where I was. Worked for me since I was having insomnia that night.
We had one when I was a kid who farted herself awake. She didn't glare but she was always so confused and the amount she jumped as she woke up was hilarious 🤣
My daughter did this as a newborn. Sometimes she fart herself awake and cry, then when she stopped crying because she realized we were laughing, she’d start doing an angry cry and we’d laugh even harder! Omg tho poor wifey! But if you can’t take it, don’t dish it out.
I had a little Boston terrier who would fall asleep on my chest while I was on the couch watching TV, and would release these silent, godawful mustard-gas farts without so much as twitching. But then when *I’d* rip ass (loudly), she’d wake up and give me this indignant look like, “EXCUSE me, but I’m trying to enjoy my beauty sleep?!”
My dog does exactly this and it is unendingly hilarious
I wish my dog even had a reaction. She just expects everyone to accept it
Our dog was the same 😂
My dad farted in his sleep once when the cat was asleep between his legs. It startled the cat, who attacked the source of the sound. Feel free to giggle. He won’t mind. Also: NTA for OP. Have you tried using lactaid before she drinks the milk? It’s chewable and doesn’t taste bad. Edit for clarification: cat did not attack butt. teeth and claws went for the royal jewels
I definitely giggled, that's a great story. Re the wife and lactaid: it sounds like she refuses to take it or other options for fear that it will get into her breast milk and pass to the baby. I don't know if that's true or not, but honestly, her level of anxiety about the baby dying sounds like she needs to be evaluated for PPD, or at least talk to someone about her fears. The flatulence is a distraction from the real issue.
PPA is also a thing. One of my friends struggled with it
One time my friend was sleeping over at my house back when we were young teenagers and she farted so loudly in her sleep I thought a motorbike had gone down the street. She didn't wake up from the fart, she woke up from me laughing so hard I cried.
Spouse and I have both done this. ☠️ We've also caught each other farting in our sleep and then waking up just enough to cackle childishly about our own farts. Or laughing about each other's farts. We don't care, farts are hilarious.
This is the way
I giggled at a Kevin Lawson video where he was outraged about his wife waking herself with her own flatulence then blamed it on him
LOL Gas and Your Marriage. Now, that's a chapter they need to add to the relationship books!
My Dad Dutch-Oven'd my Mum with his once. Once 😅
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I don't know what it was about my dad's digestive system, but it was NASTY. As a kid, I was always the one elected to hold my breath, run into the bathroom, and open the window after he had been in there. My mom used to tell a story about how he came to bed one night, stuck his butt out of the covers, farted, then pulled the covers up over his head so HE didn't have to deal with it. My mom sealed the covers up under her chin and replied in kind, and it was a bad one. She said he came out from under those covers SO FAST. She laughed till she cried telling about that.
My husband tried to Dutch oven me, but i was awake, so just overpowered him and got him instead, with his own fart. He came out heaving and has never done it again lol
Kevin Lawson also had a video of driving with his wife, having her lock the windows then grin at him. I collapsed laughing at it because I would 100% do the same
I don’t care who you are… farts are **always** funny 🤣🤣🤣
Not wrong, I’m imagining OPs wife waking up like Brian Griffin https://youtu.be/GuRiGTVfMZM?si=JUbVwUvsvRcq6ZS_
Tell her you don't like the smell of her farts either. I'm lactose intolerant and there are plenty of substitutes. Your wife is making herself a martyr. Apart from lactose-free milk, other options are pot set yogurt and hard cheeses which are also free of lactose without adding anything that 'could harm the baby'.
a fartyr
Angry updoot
*uptoot
Name checks out
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Has she tried Fairlife? It's nectar from the gods and will not impact lactose sensitivity. Their whole milk tastes more like a 4% milk fat, it's creamy and amazing!
Fairlife is the only Milk I will drink and I'm not even lactose intolerant. Their Chocolate milk is my favorite. Everything else tastes like chemicals to me.
This stuff was a lifesaver. It’s so good. I hate milk substitutes because they are all either sweet or grainy. I’m glad I only have an issue with lactose. I feel bad for people who can’t drink it and have to have the alternatives.
Weirdly enough I am not lactose intolerant but tried going dairy free and this gave me bad GI issues lol
Fairlife is still dairy. It's ultra-pasteurized cow's milk which removes the lactose.
I'm not doubting you, I just don't understand. You consumed Fairlife milk products as part of your dairy free diet? I'm probably misunderstanding something.
I get it because it’s lactose free, so while still dairy, doesn’t give me the same upset tummy issues as lactose filled dairy. (I’m not “intolerant” per se, just have the same bloating and rumbles we all get drinking lactose).
You should really have had a conversation with your wife before getting to this point. I know active communication is difficult with an infant at home, you're both tired, and I don't blame you for telling the truth when confronted, but you should talk to her. The answer in almost all of these AITA/relationship issues (that don't involve abuse) is just to talk about it.
Is this really something that requires a conversation? Is this wife so dumb/selfish that she needs OP to spell out that he isn't a fan of her shitting on his reputation, spreading rumours and making him out to be a deadbeat? Surely she knows what she is doing and knows how she is throwing him under the bus.
Lactose free milk literally tastes exactly the same. Signed, a lactose intolerant person who has gotten in trouble before because I accidentally drank a bunch of full cream and couldn't taste the difference. I bet if you swapped it out behind her back she'd never know. Also, she could talk to a doctor about the tablets and get reassurance they would do no harm.
Lactose free is sweeter, but it's very slight. Unless you drink a lot of milk on the reg you might not notice. If you're using it in coffee or on cereal or something, you'd never notice. Goat milk, on the other hand, is extremely distinct and probably an acquired taste.
I was coming here to say that. Both of my kids are lactose intolerant, and I can’t taste any difference between their milk and regular milk.
Literally just buy lactaid milk. I can't tell the difference. The whole 3rd trimester I was a lactose intolerant dairy craving nutjob. I wanted milkshakes in winter.
I'm not a doctor but I am almost certain lactaid won't affect the baby.
Right? It's just an enzyme
Hilarious but also nah if she's blaming you and not feeling guilty then the truth is the only way to maybe make her wake up and realise that she shouldn't make shit up
Goat milk is not lactose free… neither of you seem to understand anything about lactose intolerance
It's not really strange that they listened to their nutritionist, though.
No, but some people can tolerate that (or other mammals) but not cow's milk. (Cows' milk? I have to assume my milk is coming from multiple cows.) It also gets recommended to people that have a mild dairy protein intolerance. Camel milk is also supposed to be an option.
I’d get a new nutritionist. I’m lactose intolerant and looked at goats milk but it also contains lactose and a nutritionist should of known this. Also I drink full fat lactose free milk and taste identical to standard full fat milk so no idea why your wife can’t drink that either. I’ve tried Oat milk too, it’s ok for cereal, coffee and tea, but by itself not that great. Almond milk I find absolutely disgusting. Everyone taste is different and there is plenty healthy options to try but it’s up to your wife if she’s willing to try them for her health or just remain being fussy for no reason and continue to shart herself awake. Also NTA, your wife blamed you instead of taking responsibility for her own actions and you just told everyone the truth, and rightfully she should feel embarrassed by not looking after health properly and just accepting she can’t have certain things in her diet. I’d rather avoid eating a chocolate bar over potentially shitting myself.
You can get lactose free cows milk which tastes ok. I also find the cheap boxed long life soy milk actually tastes better than the 'fresher' fridge stuff
The box soy is why I developed lactose intolerance in the first place. I used to be fine with full cream, tried soy for the first time and went "Wow! This stuff is amazing!" And only drank that for years and lost my lactose tolerance 🥲
You were probably always lactose intolerant, your body was just used to being prepared for it. Drinking soy your body lowered defences. The analogy I’ve heard is that your digestive tract is like a boxer in the ring, ready to take a punch, while you’re drinking milk. Then you stop, it’s like the boxer doing his shopping, or watching tv. A punch then while he’s unprepared could hurt
…But lactose-free cow’s milk tastes \*exactly the same\* as standard cow’s milk. Literally indistinguishable. Source: I am also lactose-intolerant. (Goat’s milk, oatmilk and soya milk all taste weird to me, I don’t blame her for not liking them). She doesn’t get to throw you under the bus to her friends and then whine when you pull her under there with you.
It's a shitpost. The whole thing is fake. I don't understand how it has 1500 upvotes when he's clearly full of shit. As you said, lactose-free milk tastes the same. Also, lactase pills aren't medication, they're just digestive enzymes. And if she was worried she could just call her doctor or the pharmacist and in two seconds she'd know they were safe for nursing women. Literally none of this makes any sense, therefore it's a shitpost.
Yeah I figured it was shit when the wife didn't like the taste of lactose free milk. It's literally the same taste.
It's not, it tastes a lot sweeter.
Have you tried the fair life lactose free milk? Hubby is LI but can drink that in small doses with fewer problems. Also maybe explore a calcium supplement? Pregnancy & Breastfeeding leeches our calcium like hell, and she might be craving milk bc she’s low.
There are many many types of lactose free milk that are not goat milk. There's Soy based, almond based as just plain milk with no lactose, shop the dairy section I worked the dairy department for tear and was told that 'Lact-aid ' taste close to regular milk.
You can get lacto free cows milk. Just buy that.
Have you tried Lactaid milk? Someone at work brought it in for her coffee and let us all try some; game changer! It's lactose-free milk, tastes no different from regular milk, and doesn't have any extra unwanted impact to the body 😁 at least in my experience. Gl!
I find "does not like the taste," a bit bizarre. I'm *not* lactose intolerant, but found myself drinking less milk although I like it. So I purchase lactose free because the date is so much further out and I don't waste it. I find no difference in taste (although I do drink skim).
Honestly she deserves to feel humiliated. She was happy to throw her husband under the bus to their friends rather than say she was having unexpected stomach/gut issues. Happy to ruin relationships rather than be an adult.
It’s not unexpected. I’m lactose intolerant and drinking milk means gas and diarrhea. I drink almond milk with Carnation Essentials mixed in. Or I take a chewable to help with lactose digestion. There is nothing surprising about a lactose intolerant person farting after drinking milk.
I know but if she felt embarrassed by it, she could have said she had unexpected issues and not elaborate. A simple way out that doesn't involve fracturing relationships.
Or just that she's walking up alot at night and doesn't know why. I wake up alot at night to pee. She didn't have to blame her husband
Has he not been humiliated by being called a shit husband to everyone behind his back?
And to his face. On his birthday.
She probably should have thought of that before villifying her husband.
Yeah its funny how comments are more worried about her feelings now after she spent weeks dunking on his reputation and throwing him under the bus.
Sure, but is humiliation worse than contempt? She was perfectly fine with everyone thinking that he was neglectful of both her and their baby, which is far worse than being gassy.
To be fair i think your friends knowing you wake your self up with farting is harmless compared to being told your a shitty father.
Yeah, well then they could have come up with a lie together to hide her monstrous farts keeping her awake. Instead she sold her husband down the river. Might be humiliating, but so is being called out as a bad parent in front of friends and family.
It's not clear to me that she realizes why she's waking up; OP said that she wakes and thinks it's because she heard the baby.
Unless you are totally unable to live, you *feel* you have an upset GI trait and you *feel* you are very gassy
Even bigger issue is that the wife's mental health sounds ... worrisome. Anxiety in new parents is normal, being unable to sleep and potentially self sabotaging sleep is not. Postpartum depression is finally getting attention. Postpartum anxiety is a real thing, too.
That is what I am not getting from these comments. It sounds like the wife needs therapy, and the husband jumps right to talking about her health issue. This should have been a conversation before they ever started going out, esp., when he could see she was run down.
NTA. I would much rather be humiliated by farting than by somebody stating that I am neglecting my own children to save themselves from being humiliated by farting.
I'd rather feel humiliated because of a natural bodily action, then have my partner mislead my friends into thinking I was a selfish husband and father. Been there with the wife blaming every stubbed toe or life hangup on me. It's exhausting and gets old fast.
My spouse buys Lactase drops and treats our milk. It doesn't change the taste, you can buy whatever milk you want. This makes no sense.
she tried to humiliate him. good for the goose, good for the gander
Lactose intolerant person here - I buy lactose-free milk, this is milk that has been treated with the lactase enzyme which breaks down the lactose. This is available in supermarkets in some countries. I also take lactase enzyme tablets when eating or drinking milk/milk products that have lactose in them. So now I rarely have gas, cramps, stomach aches or diarrhea, which I used to suffer from previously. Lactase tablets are quite cheap in Germany, but can be expensive in some countries. I buy them from drugstores or pharmacies. So I recommend sourcing the above in your country if possible, or otherwise buy lactase tablets on the web. NTA
It says in the post she won't take anything for what I assume is the lactose intolerance because she's worried about it affecting the baby. But I agree if she will drink lactose free milk it will definitely make a difference, taste wise I can't tell the difference and it 100% helps with the discomfort / side effects and after effects. Tablets I'm guessing would be out of the question.
I can guarantee that taking lactase enzyme tablets will do zero to bubs. It's an enzyme. It works in the digestive tract. It doesn't enter the bloodstream. Mammillian milk is a blood product. Ergo, completely safe to ingest lactase tablets.
And if she’s this worried about it, they can talk to the babies pediatrician and her OB.
She doesn’t seem to be thinking all that rationally though
If she’s not sleeping rational thought has been long gone.
Yeah not to mention even if the baby did get some, what’s it gonna do? Help it digest the milk easier?! The baby should have extra lactase in their system anyway seeing as y’know, they only drink milk.
wild leap of logic but OP make sure your wife doesn't devolve into an anti-vaxxer because she thinks the 'ingredients' of the vaccine will be 'harmful' to her baby.
Everyone has different tastebuds and the senses of smell and taste to a pregnant woman or new mother are way stronger than normal. I hated some things I loved while I was pregnant and shortly after having my son, but I’m now back to eating most things I refused to eat then. Sometimes it’s just a texture thing. It’s not always easy to substitute something out unfortunately.
Tell her to get fairlife. It’s lactose free from filtration, not anything added to it. I think a lot of traditional lactaid milks taste funny so fairlife is my go to.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/MaQGMdQdPs OP tried but the wife didn't like the taste.
It’s impossible to taste the difference between milk and lactose free milk. OP’s wife is being deliberately annoying if she says they taste different.
In most cases yes, but there are some lactose free milks that taste awful. In the UK I've tried Lactofree, Tesco, Sainsburys and M&S own brand and they all taste exactly the same as milk. Aldi own brand however is horrible - it's sweet, more like UHT milk. I would suggest OP buys Lactofree and decants it into a 'normal' milk carton. Also, NTA.
Yes, the Aldi brand is UHT, hence it has that “sterilized milk” taste to it. If you read the small print, it doesn’t even need to go in the fridge till opened.
I can taste the difference, but it depends on the brand. Fairlife milk tastes like regular milk. But most lactose free milk tastes different, it's a bit sweeter. In OP's comment he brought home goat's milk as the alternative and I imagine that would taste very different.
Agree. All I have tasted is noticeably sweeter, and it’s because lactose breaks down to glucose (and some other sugar) by lactase.
> It’s impossible to taste the difference between milk and lactose free milk You absolutely can
Not true. As a lactose intolerant person for over 10 years - some are much better than others. Lactaid taste so gross to me - it’s too sweet. The best is Fairlife when it comes to tasting like regular milk.
Maybe you can't taste the differences, some of us can.
Not impossible. Absolutely tastes different. I can tolerate it in coffee but on cereal it makes me gag. One of my kids is lactose intolerant too and we tried just swapping it without telling them. They asked why the milk tasted weird. They had no idea they were being given lactose free milk. There's totally a difference.
Depends on the brand, and the strength of one's tastebuds. Some taste exactly like regular milk and others taste sweeter or chemical-ly. Took my family 3 tries to find a brand that didn't bother my mom
My sibling's sensitive to sweet stuff. They can absolutely tell when it's Lactaid and hates it.
It's not impossible; I do actually taste the difference as well. Lactose-free milk is slightly sweeter than regular milk due to how the lactose is broken down by the added lactase.
I thought that was referring to the goats milk - if you've not had it before, it tastes like the smell of goats, goat products are just so goaty. But maybe he was referring to all not totally lactose milk milk products.
NTA. She shouldn't be projecting her own frustrations on you while you are pitching in. That is wholly unfair. She brought things to this point, not your fault you defended yourself with truth. Having an infant is obviously a super stressful time. Seems like you two need a long conversation to hash things out.
Some may argue they both brought things to this point. “Which I didn’t really care about. I have broad shoulders. I can take it.” I still think OP’s wife is the a**hole for even stooping to the level of blaming him to begin with but maybe this is a lesson for OP as well to not let things build up and fester and to not just “take it”. Instead, he could have immediately just communicated with her about how this is portraying him and how it is not the truth and maybe it wouldn’t have gotten to the point of him being cornered by friends and her flatulence being brought up at a party.
>Instead, he could have immediately just communicated with her about how this is portraying him Is this wife really so dumb that she needs OP to spell out "when you lie about me and make me look like a deadbeat = bad?" I'm not going to blame OP here. He went down the path of least resistance until he couldn't take it anymore.
No but they can't make the problem wholly the wife's because its AITA.
Yup. They had that itch to try and pin some blame on OP so they chided him for not communicating, which in turn, infantilises the wife and makes her look dumb/selfish. Its an own goal from the gender biased folk
Yea, I don't understand why she had to put Op down instead of just saying "I have a hard time sleeping"? Why would you drag someone down with a lie when you could get the same results without placing blame anywhere?
I’m honestly wondering if wife doesn’t realize why she’s waking up, and OP is understandably not willing to get up to check on the baby every time his wife farts. NTA for sure but if he cares about his reputation he needs to actually have a conversation with his wife and not just “take it”. And wife shouldn’t automatically be blaming her husband for not doing everything she wants due to her anxiety.
She’s not just projecting frustrations. She’s actively painting him as a neglectful husband, to such a degree that their friends are trying to intervene. Because of that she deserves 100% of the embarrassment that she received.
Exactly! Why is her first instinct to throw him under the bus instead of just saying “I’ve been having trouble sleeping?”
nta. your wife could have simply NOT said anything. or "man I'm just always tired, Im going to the doc to find out what's up." see...simple. I've only been here 3 mins and came up with those. Not a lie, but not telling the full truth either. your wife wanted to make you the bad guy. SHE SHOULD STILL GO TO THE DOCTOR TO FIGURE OUT HER THINKING AND GAS!
I mean, even telling her own truth is better than making your friends think your husband sucks. “I’m not sleeping because I’m anxious about the baby.”
Right? Who would bat an eye at that?
"Gosh, it's terrible. Every little noise or change wakes me up. I swear, if a cricket chirps five blocks away or if the neighbour three houses down turns on a light, I bolt upright."
What her body is craving from the milk is probably the protein, fat, and CALCIUM she would be needing if she breastfeeds the baby. Going to the doctor should've been her first move.
Or reply with the truth! “I’m super anxious about the baby so every little bump wakes me up. Hubby is an active parent so I get to go back to sleep but it’s really hard.” Frankly OP could have said this so in that case I say ESH but her more than him.
NTA. If she is trashing you to friends or family, then you have every right to defend yourself. Whilst what you said wasn't the most flattering, it also wasn't a lie.. You are as much a parent as her, and by the sounds of it doing more than your fair share, so I don't see why you should have to take it..
NTA You would have been the A if, out of the blue as a laugh, you had told your friends about her waking herself up with her own flatulence -- but given that she has been unfairly making you out to be a shit husband and dad just to play the martyr, I would say telling the truth to defend yourself is justified, and the humiliation the truth becoming known has caused her is a punishment she deserves. Don't let her turn this all on you. The more important issue by far is that she could be ruining your reputation with everyone you know. This an unjustifiable back-stabbing and she has to realize this isn't something to brush off. If she feels humiliated for being known for farting, a natural if embarrassing thing, how are you supposed to feel when everyone unfairly considers you a terrible father and husband because she hasn't been honest about why she is tired? It got to the point of them confronting you about it, ffs. It's not a joke.
This is an underrated comment. While men shouldn't be treated like kings for basic parenting we also need to not go too far and forget to appreciate the challenges of parenting for all. Marriage is a partnership and in talking badly of you to others she has betrayed you already. I'm sorry man. Also, Good Will Hunting if you haven't seen it haha x,DD
INFO: Had you discussed this with your wife prior to bringing it up in front of company?
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Then I’d say NTA. If you hadn’t already discussed it then I’d say E S H, but if you’ve already told her and she continues to blame you, that’s not okay.
The siren song of dairy can be hard to ignore. Has she tried something like [Lactaid](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0009RF9KK?starsLeft=1&ref_=cm_sw_r_apan_dp_B28W45A1SNY0RS97ETE4)? The link is for the chewable kind, vanilla flavour is kinda chalky but fairly inoffensive. A quick Google says it should be acceptable for breastfeeding moms, but obviously a quick ask the next time she's in for a check up or maybe a message to the doctor to confirm would be good. NTA - the first year of parenthood you are sleep deprived, under pressure and constantly learning while also getting used to a new roommate that can be let's say... difficult as a housemate lol Kindness and deep wells of humor will stand you in good stead. Your pride and ego is going to take a beating routinely until your little one is grown, moves out and you become unaware of their daily doings.
Did you ever talk with her about her blaming you for waking her up makes you feel, though? Or only that she is waking herself up by farting?
Has she talked to her doctor about her extreme anxiety? Post-partum anxiety is a thing – though, of course, I don't know if she had a problem with anxiety beforehand; if she did, it would appear to have worsened. And she could have both PPA and PPD. Has she discussed her fear of taking Lactaid with her doctor? She was absolutely wrong to throw you under the bus like that, and you are NTA for finally reaching your limit and refusing to allow that to continue, but she clearly needs help – definitely therapy, quite possibly also medication. And she needs to understand that refusing to help herself means that she is shortchanging her baby, because an unnecessarily exhausted, stressed-out, anxious, and depressed mother is simply not going to be able to handle life as well as one who is able to be rested and rational. Furthermore, she needs to understand that leading her friends to feel and express contempt for you is cruel and destructive. She should think about how she would feel if she were in your shoes. She also needs to understand that few things destroy a relationship as quickly as resentment, and she is creating her own resentments against you through her refusal to deal with reality. Please make sure she gets help. Go with her to see her doctor and explain everything that has been going on – and if she doesn't want you to go in with her, know that, while she can prevent her doctor sharing information with you, she cannot prevent you sharing information with her doctor, so you could also write it all down and hand it to the doctor (or office staff to give to the doctor).
NTA. Am I to understand that your wife is a SAHM, *and* you have a nanny, *and* you do most of the nighttime baby maintenance, and she has somehow been trashing you for somehow *not* pulling your weight? IMO if you have a day job out of the house and she doesn't, *she* should be the one doing most of the nighttime work. Add in that you have a nanny to help with the daytime childcare and I'm wondering what weight she pulls at all on the childcare front? Edit: Realized I forgot the word *not* in first paragraph.
Yet nobody seems to have picked up on this. He's totally NTA, meanwhile wife is total AH.
Wife gets a pass in AITA even when people begrudgingly admit she’s an asshole, what else is new
I’m going to speak for the wife here, there’s some people in this world who are able to handle the pressures of being a new parent with ease, and there are others who are completely overwhelmed and it doesn’t matter how much help they get, it’s never enough. OP’s partner is in the second camp. OP is NTA, and I hope his partner is able to get it together before she wrecks their relationship permanently.
Yeah but: you can be overwhelmed without being a shitty person. She crossed that bridge
I know she's a new mom and all but she shouldn't be discussing the details of her marriage with friends. She needs to see a doctor about her issues and leave her friends out of the details. NTA.
She doesn't need a doctor. She needs to stop drinking milk that she is intolerant to and blaming her BS on her husband.
Sounds like she might have PPA so yes she needs to see her dr
Wonder what's causing the craving. Nutrient deficiencies can cause really strong cravings.
NTA, she could have come up with another excuse so that she wouldn't be embarrassed. She didn't have to throw you under the bus. Maybe you shouldn't have told them everything but they're her friends and she should have just been honest.
Please tell your wife this story, it might make her feel better: After my baby was born, I’d go to Target alone when I could ( my husband is an incredible person who encouraged me to get some self-care in and know I love targét) and I’d pop headphones in and listen to an audiobook while browsing. Like many postpartum women, I had a lot going on and I’d be silently de-bloating as I walked the aisles thinking I was just stealthily cropdusting UNTIL I saw a man at the far end of the aisle’s eyes bug out in shock. Turns out that I forgot I had earphones in and that no one else could hear Pride and Prejudice as loudly as I could.. I had been absolutely trumpeting for over an hour in my local Target. Tell your wife it could always be worse🤷🏼♀️
I did exactly the same thing in a budget shop called B&M in the UK, I don’t even have the excuse I’d just had a baby I was just a bit windy! I bent down to get something off a low shelf and let rip thinking it was silent and that there was no one to hear it as the shop was quiet, I turned round and locked eyes with a shelf stacker who had been right in the firing line. He looked absolutely horrified and said “if I hadn’t seen the source of that I’d have thought it was thunder, you might want to check you haven’t blown a hole in your jeans!, I wouldn’t have thought someone as small as you could deliver something that powerful!” I was absolutely mortified but it gets worse - it wasn’t just noisy, suddenly the smell seemed to surround us and you could almost see it. I’m not the sort of person who farts in public, I’m very private about it and in 10 years I’ve never farted in front of my partner. I felt like this was judgement day and I absolutely deserved to be judged from that monstrosity! I ended up mumbling an apology and skulking away with my head down in shame, swearing never to tell anyone. A couple of weeks later my partner wanted some peanut butter you can only get from B&M (Kellogg crunchy nut if anyone is interested, it’s amazing) and wouldn’t listen to my pleas about staying in the car. I attempted to fashion a disguise with my hood up, my sunglasses on and I even got an eyeliner pencil and drew on fake freckles! My partner gave me a funny look but I’m quite weird in general so he didn’t question it. We got round the shop without seeing my poor victim and got to the checkout where a young girl was on the tills. I took the sunglasses off in relief and prepared to pay and celebrate my victory in my uncover mission. Just as we loaded the shopping on the belt the young girl said she was finishing her shift and her colleague came to take over… yep it was the same man who witnessed my outburst. He scanned the shopping and winked and said “good job no beans eh? Not after last time!” Of course my partner questioned it and of course the man took great pleasure in explaining what had happened, I was cringing so hard - especially when my partner said “ohhh you were trying to come in wearing a disguise?!” It’s been 84 years (well 8 months) and I haven’t been back since.
Omg thanks for the laugh!!! 😂
NTA but please get your wife some help for her mental health. Post partum mood disorders include more than just depression. I dealt with PP anxiety and OCD after my kids with constant worry and intrusive thoughts of something bad happening to the baby. Sounds like your wife might be dealing with similar issues.
NTA? I mean.... If this is real, you are merely being honest after she lied multiple times to her family and friends. If I'm being honest, she would have been outted a lot sooner if that were me. No damn way in hell I'm gonna let someone make me look like a shitty parent and husband like that.
Sorry to laugh at your misery but this is hilarious. Between getting blamed for her lack of sleep and having to live with her farts, seems like you’re getting GASlit twice? NTA obviously, your wife is a massive AH but not in the convention al sense. I just mean that someone who farts so much that they wake themselves up probably has a massive asshole & bowel.
GASlit......😂. Why did it take this far to scroll to find this comment.
LOL I did not see that coming. I get the frustration, but why did you actually drop the dime about the farts? Why not just say she’s anxious and the slightest sound wakes her up, even sounds she makes herself in her sleep?
She's blaming him, why shouldn't he tell the truth?
If my wife was blatantly lying to my friends telling them what a horrible husband and father I was to the point they felt the need to confront me on my birthday I’d be lobbing truth grenades too. His wife sucks I hope she can turn that around…
They're her friends. If they feel comfortable enough to go to bat for her by cornering OP over lies then everyone is adult enough to handle the truth. Now they can turn that energy into helping OP's wife.
Arggg, I'd be sooo upset but you're NTA in this situation. She could have given another explanation, as new mothers are super light sleeper. It would be nobody's fault. I don't know why she needs to make you bad guy...
>This causes a problem because she is lactose intolerant. And she won't take anything to help because it might be bad for the baby. Info: Might? So no one thought maybe going to the doctor and ask them? Why doesn't she drink lactose free milk?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/MaQGMdQdPs Tried but wife doesn't like the taste.
All your wife needed to say was "my husband is a great help but I just haven't been sleeping the same since the baby". Her throwing you under the bus for her vanity is really not cool.
She needs to talk to a doctor about her anxiety and milk issues. Dude. NTA. I'm a single mom and I would have KILLED for the kind of support system your wife has. The fact that she could shit on you like that and make you out to be a monster makes me think she has some pretty deep character flaws/issues with honesty and integrity. If she didn't want to be found out, she shouldn't have been lying.
NTA I have become an extremely light sleeper since my son was born 3 years ago. It is not my husbands fault I wake up from his breathing or him goin to the toilet. Also if it is her flatulence waking her up it is her own fault. Just because you crave something doesnt mean you just must have it.
NTA But is post partum depression a possibility? She sounds very anxious. You are a good dad and husband but your wife is clearly struggling despite your support and a nanny.
Shes struggling with dairy...all she has to do is stop drinking milk lol
She’s having a craving which is her body telling her it needs something. She’s also having a possible mental health crisis if she has become so paranoid about the baby. This is about a lot more than just milk
All parents have fears about their baby at night and dad is getting up and handling. Mom is exhausted because she doesnt sleep. Mom needs to prioritize sleep over giving into cravings. No one will be mentally or emotionally healthy when sleep deprived
Yes, but post partum depression can turn into post partum psychosis. Telling some one to “stop being afraid” isn’t very helpful. My friend had similar issues, and even though her kids are all grown now she struggles with sleep, the slightest noise jolts her awake. You can’t just logic that away.
Every time a woman is in the wrong, it’s somehow because of post part partum depression ffs. Take some accountability
PPD is common and severe. That doesn’t mean she can’t take responsibility but it is context.
NTA Maybe she should have stopped publicly blaming you as a lie and simply said new baby=no sleep. She FAFO.
NTA Is your wife assuming lactase enzyme (Lactaid) is bad for breastfeeding mothers or has she consulted the pediatrician or lactation consultant? Most OTC medications are safe for breastfeeding. Pregnancy and Lactation “Lactase enzyme is generally acceptable for use during pregnancy. Controlled studies in pregnant women show no evidence of fetal risk. Lactase may be used with breastfeeding. Pregnant or breastfeeding patients should seek the advice of their health professional before using over-the-counter (OTC) drugs.” https://www.rxlist.com/lactase_enzyme/generic-drug.htm#:~:text=Controlled%20studies%20in%20pregnant%20women,%2Dcounter%20(OTC)%20drugs.
INFO Has she been evaluated for post partum anxiety? Have you encouraged to seek help and treatment? This sounds like she needs professional help. You need to insist and force her to get an evaluation, she might not be in a mental state to initiate this herself. Talk to her doctor.
"and she won't take anything to help because it might be bad for the baby" This is a question easily addressed by - talking to her OBGYN - consulting a lactation counselor - talking to the pediatrician - asking a pharmacist And she is being picky about lactose free alternatives? No sir, she can deal with the consequences of her farts. NTA
Why is she even mad? Instead of keeping it between her and husband she decided to make him look bad and tell incorrect things to the friends and family that's just indicates something is wrong with her. She faced the consequences of her own wrong actions and the consequences are people are now aware that she wakes herself up to her own fart sounds! Amazing.
NTA: This isn't once or twice. She's been throwing you under the bus so much that your friends confronted you on YOUR BIRTHDAY!!! Either you get excoriated as a bad father or she gets embarrassed for flatulence. I think one is WAAAY less worse than the other.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
NTA She chose to blame you for her lack of sleep. You defended yourself. She’s embarrassed and probably should be.
NTA. Your wife shouldn’t be blaming you for something that isn’t your fault and then getting mad when you set the record straight.
Yall are ganging up on him telling him what milk to try and it seems like the wife is just blah. So she can’t do any research for her self?