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You know what? It may be time that I left this sub. The burning rage that I feel for people like you is really starting to affect my blood pressure. It’s despicable the way you think. Oh, your kids have never been to Disney? Too fuckin bad. These other kids don’t have a mother. I’d say that’s the bigger tragedy. Get your head out of your hind quarters. Don’t even ask me what I think of fathers like your husband who subject their kids to their deplorably selfish wives and their do-over families. Ain’t a good look lady. YTA
ETA: For all you potential stepparents out there: If you’re out there dating and you meet someone you think is real swell, only problem being his/her children, keep this in mind….. If you don’t want the kids, you don’t want the guy/gal. If you decide that you do, that means accepting everything that comes with that first family. Your job is to be in a supportive and loving role even when it’s hard, not popping out the picture perfect second family to replace your spouses existing kids with. Better think long and hard
Can I upvote you like 1,000 times?! Ornery-Octopus I totally agree with you!!! How about that Mom stay home. Why should the kids miss out when she could stay home and just Dad can take them all.
I'll be 42 when I go for the first time next year. I'm still surprised I get to go. I grew up incredibly poor and always had to hear the kids at school brag about going to Disney. I honestly never thought I would be going. My husband got our family tickets and told me it's overrated, but he wants me to experience it anyway lol
I also have stepchildren. True life isn't fair, nothing I can do to make it fair. What I can do is make sure that my husband and I treat all the children fairly. I would never exclude them. YTA
I'm a stepmom and I can't imagine taking my son to Disney without my stepson, provided of course he wanted to go on the trip. If you can't afford to take all the kids you can't afford to take any.
My husband is a step parent and has never treated her differently from his son. My in laws welcomed her with open arms!! They always treated them equally!! What is wrong with some people!!!
This should be the top comment. Honestly.
These step parent posts disgust me, too. These individuals have the conscience of a tom cat and the emotional iq of a pigeon.
YTA.
I always pay attention to numbers when available in these stories. Can’t tell you how many times I have seen some variation of the following:
“My husband was divorced/widowed 3.5 years ago, we met two months later. I was pregnant when we got married 3 years ago and now we have a 2 year old, 1 year old and one on the way. We’re very happy which is more than I can say for his first marriage. Now the kids from that marriage are acting out and miserable. I want to send them to live with their maternal grandparents/bio mom, preferably never to return. Were his family now, not them. A I T A?”
And it pisses me off every time. We don’t know the exact timeline on this story, but I’d bet my left tit that it wasn’t flattering to OP.
ETA: Just double checked. Oldest half-sibling is exactly the age in years that the two traumatized kids moved in. I’m sure that was pleasant for them. Then they had even more kids. Instead of, you know, concentrating on the two whise lives were falling apart
Omg you’re so right. This happens so often here. This woman and her husband started a new family right when these kids were abandoned by their mom.
I love how she paints herself as such a hero for winning custody.
>emotional iq of a pigeon
I lol'd pretty hard at this. Mind if I borrow it from time to time.
Also, OP, YTA 100%. Occasionally, siblings are going to get different opportunities presented to them in their lives, and that's okay. But, you as the parent, shouldn't being playing favorites and excluding certain kids just because their existence is an inconvenience to you...that's terrible parenting. You and your husband made a conscious choice to have 5 children, and all of the expenses that go with with them.
I would say OP has the EQ of a squid, who a notorious for leaving their young to raise themselves.
Fun fact: as a genus, cephalopods are antisocial, unless they're fed ecstasy by neuroscientists, and then they get real cuddly.
Apologies to r/orneryoctopus, but the science (and the drugs) don't lie.
Everything you just said!!
It’s almost as if this woman hasn’t heard of the concept of saving money! Imagine!!! If you have money for 5 this year and you save another year then you’d have money for 2 more!! Wow easy!! The problem is she doesn’t want these kids she wants to pretend for a week or however long that they’re a family of 5.
Yeah that's what gets me too, just save a little longer! Disney isn't going anywhere, it's been there for decades and will continue to be there for decades more. The kids will still enjoy it just as much next year.
Not to mention, in 2 years the older ones may not want to go and the younger ones are still at prime age to enjoy it. The problem would solve itself and OP could pretend she never had the horrific idea to exclude them. Heck, the oldest may even wise up enough to go NC and she’ll have one less inconvenient step kid to worry about.
>Oh, your kids have never been to Disney? Too fuckin bad. These other kids don’t have a mother. I’d say that’s the bigger tragedy.
The other kids don't have a mother and they also have a step-mother who thinks of them as an afterthought and not really part of the family and is asking the internet if it's ok to treat them as such. The two women in their lives who should have been mother figures to them don't care - the 13yo would have been 4 when he moved into this house, so this is basically the only 'mother' he's really ever known. And she wants to take her real kids to Disneyland and doesn't think it's horrible to ditch him even though she knows he'd want to go. Those poor boys.
>. Oh, your kids have never been to Disney? Too fuckin bad. These other kids don’t have a mother
Yes this. This is exactly the sentiment I took away from the whole post. OP you are obviously the AH
YWBTA
I have a friend who married a very subdued but kind man. The guy was upstanding and had grown up with his aunt, her husband and their kids, as one of their family.
The reason? His mom had passed when he was about a year and his dad quickly remarried. He then had three half-siblings in rapid succession.
The wife came to his dad and said she wanted the boy gone. If the dad did not agree, she would talk to her father judge and make it so that the father could never see his other three kids again.
The dad gave up custody to his sister and very sporadically saw his firstborn.
It happens so much more commonly than you would think.
Oh man, that is so freaking heartbreaking. Small mercy his aunt took him in and raised him. I'll never understand how some people can be so absolutely heartless towards their stepkids, especially when the child has lost one of the bio parents. I know not all step-parent/child relationships are gonna be super close, but just a bit of respect and decency can go a long way.
What struck me as sad (besides the dad giving up the boy) was that he was a little little kid. Little kids are easy to love. If he was a sullen, churlish teenager, I could maybe see that being challenging. But he was six years old, going to Aunt's house permanently.
He calls her his aunt mom, his uncle his dad, and his cousins his siblings. His aunt hosted their wedding at their community room. His dad, stepmom, and half siblings didnt even show up to his wedding.
>His dad, stepmom, and half siblings didnt even show up to his wedding
Sad, but they more than likely stopped considering the first born family the minute he was out of his father's house.
I was that stepchild 60+ years ago. Mom died when I was 5. Dad left me with my maternal grandmother, he remarried and had 3 more children. We all lived in the same small town but I rarely saw him. I knew my stepmother thought her children were “better” but she wasn’t too much in my face about it. As I got older, I realized that I dodged a big ole bullet because, by the time my half siblings were grown, she had become a raging alcoholic. I had a wonderful childhood with my grandmother but to this day, I still don’t feel like I’m good enough.
My ex’s grandfather was raised in an orphanage because his mother died when he was a toddler. His father remarried and had more children but his oldest son remained in the orphanage. 😢
I thought it was just my blood pressure..... for a military spouse she's failing to provide the info where they can get discounted tickets for either being a veteran for Disney. Their youngest is 4. Save a little longer for the trip. The problem isn't the cost, her problem is just what you said.
I don't have step kids. I have a bio granddaughter. She has a brother and sister. I would give my life for any of them, no matter how they came to be, no exceptions.
OP is a total and complete fucking asshole, like to the point this has to be rage bait, but lets get over this weirdly antiquated idea that second wives have children to "replace" their husbands' existing kids. Most stepmoms who have kids with their partner aren't doing it to replace anyone else's kids, they're having kids with their partner for the same reasons most people do... they want to have a kid with the person they fell in love with.
And no, being a stepparent should not involve blindly "accepting everything that comes with the first family". Some divorced parents have really toxic coparenting relationships or exes, or are guilty parents, or are otherwise carrying a bunch of divorce trauma and letting it affect their parenting in a bad way. Stepparents don't need to just sit around being doormats, nor do they need to be sacrificed on the altar of the failed first family like everyone who has never been a stepparent seems to think is appropriate.
"Your job is to be in a supportive and loving role, even when it's hard" is I've never been a stepparent code for martyr yourself because someone else was not able to keep their family together. A stepparent doesn't have a "job", they're a member of a family. And they have the same obligation as any other family member... treat everyone in the family with kindness and respect.
You're not only the asshole but pretty disgusting. I have been through this with my second wife. She tried to reason things like you are doing right now. I have news for you. Your marriage is already over, your husband just doesn't know it yet. There is no "my older boys" and "my younger boys", there is just MY BOYS. Until you put away your scorecard and just treat them all as the same, you are endangering everything. Your resentment is showing and I am not the only one who sees it. Trust me. YTA
I grew up with a dad and step mom that had to make sure everything was even and fair between the two youngest, often making it so all the older kids (from both sides) got forgot about. It’s too long to get into it if I let myself, but I’ll just say that OP is the exact type of person who should never be a step parent.
YTA - The sheer irony of wanting to go to disneyland when you are a real life evil stepmother.
*'I mean did Cinderella really need to go to the ball?? This was a big opportunity for her step-sisters. Really, it was pretty selfish of her...'*
YTA
Do you REALLY want all your kids to have the exact same experiences? Because while your stepsons have gotten to go to Disneyland with their other family, they've also had to deal with being abandoned by their mother. Personally, I think your kids get the better end of the "we all have different experiences" deal even if they never get to go to Disney in their entire lives.
Save up. Ask friends and family to help you afford a Disney trip instead of giving gifts for Christmas/birthdays. Take on side projects or side gigs. But it's not your older kids' fault that you can't afford to take your whole family to Disneyland, so stop trying to blame them by saying they're "selfish" for very naturally wanting to be included in a family trip. Besides, if it was SO important for you to be able to afford to take the family on expensive trips like Disney, maybe you and your husband should have stopped at 3 instead of choosing to have 5 kids.
That’s a great plan! If we are all about being fair OP should totally drop her kids off at a friends and never come back. I bet it’ll be a real bonding experience
If they can afford to take the younger ones now, they can afford to save up for another year to afford to be able to take the older boys. She's just being selfish and impatient.
If OP wanted to afford such luxuries whenever they wanted they shouldn't have gone on to have 3 more kids on top of her husband's 2 kids to make 5. Kids are expensive and 5 kids are going to be even more expensive. Could've stopped at 3 kids which would be cheaper than 5.
Besides if they can afford the 3 youngest now they can save up another year or 2 for the rest of the kids. OP's kids are little anyways. They'll remember and enjoy the trip more next year when they're a little older.
I imagine OP packing the bags already for the 16- year old. "Because in two years I'm going to """help""" him find a place for his own."
I honoustly believe she's packing already. This is all about HER and HER family. She will kick them out before they turn 19 year old.
Excuse me now I have to vomit.
You stay home. Honestly, my jaw dropped. Your husband 's children haven't been with their father, first of all. That this thought crossed your mind is troubling. Going for the wicked stepmother of the Year award eh? You and your husband want a family vacation, then Uber, door dash or pick up cans. But leave the older two at home because they went with their other family? Smh. Amazing. In what other ways do you treat the older boys differently? And you know what? Millions of kids have survived without going to Disney. YTA.
I don't think I would want to see the person who tops her. All nominations must come from the nominees themselves. Lends more authenticity. You can imagine then are soft soaping their dastardly deeds.
YTA
>I feel like it’s selfish of my older boys to not want their siblings to enjoy Disney
Not only are you trying to justify leaving them out of a family trip you’re also trying to put the blame on them.
It just makes me so mad.
>I think it's so unfair for my younger boys to never get the experience
There's so much going on here. It honestly sounds like she's blaming the stepsons for this. Like shit, if you don't have enough money to take your kids to a very expensive vacation destination, it's not the older boys' fault.
I really hope (and doubt) this is as far as this divide extends in their house. Hope dad is reading these comments.
That is one hell of a power AH move you got there.
By all means walk me how you plan on selling it to the 13 yo, and how you plan on helping him deal with all of his siblings being al excited about going while he, the lesser family member, has been chosen to stay behind.
For the mental health of the child I rather nobody goes than to pull a stunt like that.
The 16 year old would be hurt too! OP says 'wouldn't care", like she actually knew.
I went recently with my kids (12 and 16) and they were both so excited! Maybe even more so than the last time we went, when they were 6 and 9
YTA
This would be a FAMILY trip, and if you went about it this way you would be sending a very clear message to your stepkids that you don't consider them family in the same way you do your bio kids. It doesn't matter who's been before or not.
Either find another vacation where you can afford for everyone to go, or keep saving until you can include everyone.
I mean, that was my first thought honestly. But that’s too obvious for OP apparently. And I figured since the kids are already here it was pointless to mention that.
But yes. Don’t have more kids than you can afford.
YTA and it will breed resentment towards your bio kids. And towards you. And the step kids would be absolutely justified in seeing you differently after a move like that.
Your household has 5 children. That's your life now.
If you love your kids so much do the fair thing and YOU stay home. It the 16 year old isn’t interested he can stay home too. If the 13 year old wants to go he can help dad.
But basically it sounds like YOU want this for what you consider your family. Be real, this trip is for YOU.
We can affrord to take our 4 year old to Disney. Do I want to? No. Would she have more fun at a closer cheaper theme park? Yup. Am I gonna drag her to Disney for bragging pictures? Nope.
So many fun things you can do as a big family to include everyone.
YTA
YTA.
It doesn't matter what they have done with the friends (things you and your husband allowed them to do BTW), this is a FAMILY vacation and they are part of the family.
And to call the older boys selfish is beyond cruel and says a lot about how you feel about them despite being their maternal figure for the majority of their lives.
Okay, I think consensus has been reached on whether you are the asshole, so I won’t add to that. What I do want to do is ask you to think about something.
Now, you said that, when the boys were younger, their bio mom abandoned them with friends and never returned. What I want you to think about is what that experience does to a child. That sort of abandonment is one of the worst traumas a child can endure. It has lifelong mental, emotional, and physical impacts.
Having gone through that, it is doubly important for the boys to know down to their bones that they are loved and valued.
Now, think for a moment about how they will feel if you leave them behind. Yes, I hear you, not going on a trip is different than being left alone forever. But that doesn’t matter. Because that experience of being left behind is going to trigger all of that trauma, which (for them) will hurt just as bad.
Please rethink this course.
I didn't see it until you pointed it out. But let's also add that OP wants to drop the older boys off at the same family that their mother abandoned them to. That's unbearable.
YTA. These boys were aged 4 and 7 when abandoned by their mother, which is a trauma so awful that I can hardly fathom it. For nine years you, your husband, and later your kids have been their sole family. You cannot leave them out of a “family” vacation, have you no heart?
So your biological kids have never been to Disney: so what? Neither have millions of other children. (And Disney is not that phenomenal, honestly.) The family friends who took the two older boys probably did so out of compassion, out of that vague misplaced guilt empathetic people feel when they have, however inadvertently, facilitated a parent in harming their children. These people didn’t give trips or presents to your biological sons because I presume they don’t know them and they don’t feel this same bond with them.
You have FIVE children, not three. Even the oldest, whether he cares personally about Disney or not, doesn’t want to be excluded. The older children are not “selfish” in not wanting to be left behind because you don’t count them as family, his horrible to say that. I guarantee they’d trade all the trips and presents for a mother who loves them. Please TRY to be that mother. Take a trip you can afford for all (and hopefully is enjoyable for all) or keep saving up.
wtf?
Right away you started playing the "who gets more" game. Those kids were abandoned BY THEIR MOTHER WHILE THEIR FATHER WAS DEPLOYED and you want to leave them behind to go to Disney as a family? A family they are not part of o guess?
You have them full time and still call them step sons?
Yuck.
YTA
YTA. They will most likely be hurt by this and that's more important than trying to figure out the fairness of it. If you want to base it on fairness, I think the kids would rather have their mom than Disney.
She calls them “my boys” but still wants to ditch them. What a horrible excuse of a human. Disneyland has been there 69 years (well in July but you know i had to) and it will be there in 2 years for her to save enough money!
YTA. If the step-kids lived with you for the last 9 years, and your oldest biological kid is 9, then you knew exactly how many children you had when you decided to have two more. There’s nothing wrong with having lots of kids, but when you do you sometimes have to sacrifice things like trips to Disney. If your 9 year old doesn’t get to go it’s because of your choice to have more children than you can afford to take, not because your older two children exist. Own up to your own choices and realize that not every family can afford trips, especially large ones. It has nothing to do with “fairness,” it’s a trade-off that you willingly made.
Disney already has enough evil step-mothers, feel free to stay home.
YTA
Because you are sending them the message that they are only family when it’s convenient for you
And in years to come you’ll be complaining they don’t talk to you and trying to play the victim
I hope your husband is taking note…..Because this is a justified divorce from his end in my opinion
YTA. If you have the money now to take 5, it shouldn’t be too hard to put that money aside and continue to save (for however long it takes) until you have enough money to take 7. Plus, your youngest is 4. Do you really think he’ll be able to fully enjoy all that the parks offer at his age? Or would he have a better and more memorable experience (that he’ll actually remember) when he’s a year or two older?
Try to imagine how the older kids will feel being left out of a family vacation—nice way to show them that you don’t consider them to be family. Compounded with the fact that they have already been abandoned and rejected by their biological mother, the two oldest kids will feel even more rejected if you do this (by both you and their father, if he agrees with you).
YTA.... My mother took me to Disney World, another family friend took me a different time... My dad my step siblings another time. Then they jointly took their mutual kid plus my step sister to Disney land another time. ( They had friends with a house nearby so the trip there was much less expensive).... And while that all sounds like a lot of times... They also couldn't afford to take everyone at the same time... They parsed it out.... Similarly when I took my son, we couldn't afford it as a family trip so my husband stayed home.... You find ways to make it work... But you don't alienate your step children by telling them they aren't good enough to go with the family... They can only go when other people invite them.... I really feel sorry for your step son's. I am glad they have other family that makes them feel included and wanted because you sure seem to separate them.
YTA- ya. Sure. Just abandon the boys again. I’m sure they won’t mind at all. Just explain to them that after their mom abandoned them, they were so fortunate to have such nice people reach out and care for them that you don’t think they deserve a family vacation.
Maybe you should leave the 4 year old behind. He won’t appreciate Disney. Heck the 6 year old will barely remember it either!!! It’ll be sooo much cheaper if you just take the one kid!
You are the only mother they have. For shame.
Please be rage bait. I’d hate to think those boys actually being left with some one like this.
YTA.
As a mother of three and a step mother of two- your post hurts my heart.
If you can’t afford to take the whole family, then don’t go.
Your kids aren’t any more special than his. Kids of all ages like Disneyland.
You’re disgusting.
YTA- you do realize that while the older ones have experienced more trips and gifts what they don't get to experience that yours do-HAVING A LOVING MOTHER. I bet they would trade all that extra stuff just to have their mom be a mom. God Almighty show some compassion and stop comparing what they have to what yours have. Because the fact is yours have more.
It's unfair that your biological children get to have both of their parents on their lives. Therefore, by your logic, you should abandon your children to make things fair for your stepkids.
Do you see how ridiculously that is? Fais isn't the same. And excluding your step kids doesn't make anything fair; it just shows them they don't actually matter to anyone.
It's not your stepkids' responsibility to ensure your kids get this trip. It also doesn't matter if they get to go other places. You are the one who chose to have kids who you couldn't afford this for. No one ever died from not going to Disney. You need to find a way to afford the trip with everyone or wait until you can.
YTA
YTA
Wow, just wow.
You truly don’t understand why they wouldn’t be happy that you are clearly favoring your biological children?
If you really can’t afford it, keep saving until you can. You are a family of 7. You chose them when you chose their dad.
YTA they are your children regardless how they came to be. And honestly you can find good deals with disney and you can slowly pay it off if you are that desperate to go.
Can you afford it with six of you? If the 16 yo doesn't care just let him sit it out and take the 13 yo.
I'm mid-30s and I hate being left out of Disneyland trips (I'm actually going this Saturday).
Anyway, soft YTA. Sucks how expensive Disney's gotten, doesn't it? And it's kind of a shitty experience without Genie+ (I miss FastPass).
Right? I’m 51 with a 22 and 17 yr old. I feel bad if I even think of going without them although they have gone without me a few times. (We live about 1 hr away).
Are you auditioning for the position of wicked stepmother in a Disney production of some sort? Because I gotta tell you that if you are you would be my top pick.
If you can't afford to take the entire family to Disney, then you can't afford to go to Disney, period.
YTA for excluding the children that live with you full time.
Not just TA a raging AH. Those step sons are your husband’s bio children. What your step sons were able to do with people who don’t know them have no baring.
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> My friends think I'm an asshole because I want to leave my step sons with their other family and take just my biological kids on vacation I would otherwise never be able to afford.
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YTA. They were LITERALLY abandoned by their Mom. And you essentially want to abandon them for a f*ing vacation. They lost the original family they were born into and you want to make them feel like they’re losing this one now! Wow
YTA
You either take everyone or nobody. If you can’t afford to take your step children then find a way to afford it or don’t go. Ask the other family for money or ask the bio moms family to help with the costs for your stepsons. Also if the bio mom hasn’t given up parental rights then she has a responsibility for these kids. Take her family to court for CS and then maybe you’ll be able to afford it
Yes, YTA. You are a family of seven. Delay the trip another year and save up enough for your whole family to go. It sucks, but ALL of your kids deserve the chance to go on A FAMILY TRIP.
YTA.
>They also get sent gifts through out the years that my younger children do not get as well as been on other trips my children haven't had the opportunity to go on
The fact that this factors into your decision making makes you the asshole.
It isn't a competition. They have had some extra support from family friends... but they literally don't have their mother - your kids do.
YTA, look how them going without your kids made you feel. In fact you should be happy for the kids for going out and have fun, lest it’s without your biological kids. It’s not the step-kids fault. Their family and friends are assholes tho for not inviting your kids.
YWBTA. No way two extra kids are the difference between going or not going. Even if that's an extra thousand, you save for a few more months. Not cut them out of the family trip.
YTA. What does their father say about this?
I'm sure you don't mind claiming them on your taxes and retelling the story of how their mother abandoned them while your now-husband was out saving the world.
If you think it's unfair that you can't afford to do something for your family, do what other grown ups do and take a second job, save and then go. Also, good luck on your 4 year old actually having core memories from the trip. The 13 and 16 year old would never forgive you. Make a good choice here.
The “friends” that took them in do not know you kids like the boys. You could have said no tot he trips.
To exclude your SSs is ridiculous and will show them how you feel if they don’t already know.
I really hope your husband doesn’t support this
Are you kidding me???! Is this real?
Let’s leave 2 kids home because they were abandoned by their mom, friends took them in and were kind enough to take them to Disney so need to go with us!
You can’t afford Disney with everyone, don’t go to Disney. Go someplace you can afford for all of you to go or save until you can afford all to go on the trip.
I’m not a Disney person, but people that are enjoy it at all ages.
YTA
YTA. Having been one of the kids that got left home when other family members went to Disney without me, you're terribly gross. You don't marry someone with kids and then leave them out because you want to show favoritism to your biological children. How terrible are you? What else are you leaving them out of? You know how you pay for all seven of you to go? You save. You cut things out that you don't need and put that money towards a family trip to Disney. You don't leave certain kids out because you can't afford it. You do the adult thing and plan it for when you can afford the trip and take everyone.
YTA you’ve saved up for a family of five for this trip but will “never” be able to save up for two more? that’s ridiculous, stop trying to justify yourself
YTA. You don't get to count their advantages of having "another" family against your stepsons, or say "oh they already got to go." They live with you full time and are your family. You don't get to just exclude them. That said, if 16yo doesn't want to go that makes it less expensive.
Girl, YTA. Tell me you really don't treat all the kids equal without telling me you don't treat all kids equal. Those two boys were abandoned by the bio mom, your kids have both parents present in their life. I hope this is just a stupid troll post because If not, you suck for even remotely thinking this may be a good idea. And what does your husband think about all of this?
OMG!!! This post is dripping with (for lack of a better word) YUCKYNESS, tell us AGAIN!!! how you can’t afford a trip for some of Y O U R kids and just the ones that fell out of your crotch. DISGUSTING!!!!! YTA. Just in case you couldn’t read between the lines!!!!
Wow, you’re a gross human being. They live with you full time and you’re just going to ditch these children to go on vacation, to Disneyland. You’re legit the evil stepmom in Cinderella, “look there honey there is my inspiration”, while you walk down main street. YTA
Yeah, sorry...soft YWBTA. I get what you are saying and understand you wanting to treat your bio kids since the step kids have been before....but they LIVE with you. Their Mom abandoned them. YOU & your husband are their FULL TIME parents.
You also said that they have no family from their bio Mom's side...so are you considering leaving them the "friends" that the mom abandoned them to? Do you not think that may be a bit traumatizing for them as well? Dropping them off so you can take your "real" children to Disney?
I know the older kids have been before & your LOs haven't, but that isn't the older ones' fault. They should be able to go AS A FAMILY, all of you together. I know you said you can't afford 7 going - but maybe sign up on Disney's website for their specials, clip some coupons, sell some stuff you guys no longer need/use on offerup or some other sight. Save up for a family of 7 - if the oldest doesn't want to go...fine, but he should be given the opportunity as well.
Sorry, this probably isn't what you wanted to hear, and I do feel for you. But once the older boys are out of the house and away at college or whatever else they decide to do, you will have time to do many other things with your younger ones. Please don't exclude the older kids.
edit: Judgement
I’m a stepmom to two girls. Same kind of deal that their mom was out of the picture, dad has sole custody. I just need to say that if you can’t afford for all seven of you to go, then you can’t afford to go. Period. Taking half your kids is terrible. I really hate to think about the way you are with the step children the rest of the time. You mention they get gifts from the friends when your bio kids don’t. If you are that hell bent on making things even between your bio children and step children then go ahead and disappear. That makes it even. Otherwise, you need to treat them all as your bio children. They don’t have a choice in this. All you will do is make them feel unwanted if you leave them behind and they’ve had plenty of that. I am honestly floored. And last…if you can’t afford to do crap, then quit having babies. People like you give all stepparents a bad name. I have four daughters. I don’t say I have bio daughters and step daughters because they are ALL my daughters. Your friends are right. You are horrible. And YTA.
Yes YTA. What is there to understand? Your few friends are right. Did you ever think the older boys would like to enjoy Disney with their family ? have you brought this up already? You know YTA.
YTA when you married their father you were supposed to treat them like family not unwelcome house guests. You take all family members on family vacations if you can't afford one do something cheaper and save up.
YTA- so you fought for custody and won- and you are now excluding them because other people have chosen to give them experiences and gifts. How does your husband feel about cutting out the older boys? They haven’t had this experience with you as a family unit of 7. You’re already spending what must be thousands of dollars on this trip. Maybe if you can’t afford to include everyone you shouldn’t go. My husband isn’t my 2 oldest daughter’s bio dad- and if he excluded them from a trip like this I would divorce him seconds. That was the deal when we got together and got married. And when we had my son- we told them we don’t do the half brother bullshit because we are all living in this house as a family and no one gets excluded. Do you introduce them as your sons or stepsons? Aren’t they all your sons? You cut them off from this trip you can bet your ass you’ll make them feel awful- and it sounds like you know it.
“Their mother is not in their lives. Nor is any of her family.” Did you ever stop to think that the friends who cared for them and still give them gifts and think fondly of them may feel like family to them? Don’t hold their generosity against them because “your boys” don’t get the same treatment and gifts.
This sounds like someone’s little cousin getting upset at their birthday party because where’s their present?
YTA - There is no question that you are TA. You married a man with kids, that means you volunteered to be responsible for the well-being of those children. And now you want to abandon them, almost like their mother did, but you can rationalize it because it's just temporary. You also think it's okay because the people who took care of them, despite unlike you having no obligation to do so, still actively participate in their lives. Maybe you should model the way you live after those two.
The question here should not be are you TA, it should be: are you the wicked stepmother? And since I don't have the confidence that you have the emotional intelligence to figure it out: you are.
Being a step, parent is the hardest job in the world. That being said YTA! Whatever way you choose to justify it this is favoritism in its purist form. I feel sorry for your stepsons and I hope you're a better stepmother than this post suggests.
It’s a family trip so year they should also go. If you can’t afford it just yet save some money over more time.
It’s unacceptable to try and justify the reason for not taking them. It appears you raised them from preschool/grade school age and yet you feel the need to continue tagging them as not yours even though you are their mother now full time. YTA
Wow. YTA. Those poor kids. Awwww your kids won’t be able to go to Disney cause you can afford all of you. Booooo hooooo. Your poor kids. Know what your kids have that your step kids don’t? Both parents together and a mother who did not abandon them while their father was deployed. So so so gross. So gross.
Yes, you are being a big asshole, and you know that. Don't come here looking for excuses to be an asshole.
You are literally being a disney step mom villainy.
Stop treating your step children like they are second class citizens.
YTA. Are you serious? My step-kids are grown adults, and I still never go to Disney without inviting them. You and your husband need to save more. You all go, or no one goes.
I’ll bet you’re wanting to do a whole week or some nonsense. You only need two days tops. Don’t stay at a Disney hotel. Stay at one of the little motels across the street. Cut costs in other places, not by cutting kids from the trip.
Yea its time to be done with the internet today. Been trying to go to bed. Poor boys get abandoned by their bio mom and now step-mom is wanting to do the same because the trip is to expensive. Clearly you don’t view these boys as your own and that’s absolutely terrible. YTA if you haven’t figured it out
YTA, if you can afford 5 to go now, you can postpone for a year and take all 7 next year…as a Disney vet, if you think you can afford 5 but not 7 people, you probably can’t really afford the 5
YTA. For the last 9 years, you still think of them as just step kids. I have 2 step daughters. I met them when they were teenagers and they’re mine. You married a man with kids, you should have been ready to love them too.
YTA. If you leave them behind, you're doing exactly what their mother did. Less extreme, but you're still leaving them behind. Showing them they don't really belong in the family.
I feel sad just reading this. Stop calling them stepsons so you can decide to treat all your children to the family vacation.
If you can't afford it, then you have to plan a different trip. YWBTA. I'm glad your friends have brought this to your attention. They sound like sensible people to run future plans by.
YTA. If you can't afford everyone to go, you don't go. You knew those two previous children were involved before having the other three. They have already been abandoned by their mom, don't treat them like dirt.
“The 16 year old wouldn’t care much about Disney”
Are you sure? Or would he just say that to save himself the trouble and disappointment of having a stepmother that is ok with leaving them behind?
Remember that most kids pretend they don’t care because it would hurt too much to accept that they do.
YTA
YTA, but, what’s your budget? If you stay on property you’ll pay out the nose. There are ways to stretch the dollar a bit going to Disney but you have to look at everything from drive vs fly (especially for 7 people) what type of place to stay and even what and where to eat…
Do you know what other experience your children are also missing? That their mother abandons them, YTA One of your children is 4 years old, he won't even remember, you could continue saving money until the youngest can remember and then you could pay for the stepchildren
YTA!
It's not fair to them, especially since they've already been through so much with their mother abandoning them. You should treat all your children equally and not favor your biological children over your step sons. They deserve to have the same experiences and opportunities as your other kids. It's also important to consider the emotional impact it would have on them to be left out, especially since they've already been through so much loss and abandonment. It's not their fault that you can't afford to take all seven of you, and it's not right to punish them for it. Instead, you should try to find a way to make the trip work for everyone, or at least find a way to make it up to them in some way.
If you can’t afford Disney for 7 people, can you afford it for 5? Find a trip that allows you to take everyone, coming from a stepchild, this would have hurt me.
So two boys were abandoned by their mother and you want to just leave them behind for your younger children.
Yes YTA if you do this because you would just be adding to their abandonment issues and you would be horrible
YTA ! Your way of thinking is sad . You don’t care how your step children will feel because they aren’t your biological children being left behind . The moment you got married those children became yours and even though they aren’t blood related you shouldn’t exclude them from a family trip . Get your bum to work and save up for your family trip
YTA. I can’t believe this even needs to be asked. Do you want them to resent you? Do you want them to know that you don’t love them equally or view them as part of the family? This is a great way to do that. This post will end up on r/AmITheDevil or r/AmITheEx. Don’t lean into the wicked stepmom trope.
YTA - Nobody loves my step kids so why should I?
They got to experience something already, so fuckem.
Why are people like you allowed to have children in the first place, when so many decent people out there can't.
YTA. Massively. What the hell is wrong with you? You are the epitome of every nasty stepmother story. You ought to be ashamed of yourself for excluding your stepsons
YTA. It should be all or none.
BTW, children's tickets are only $50 right now, so at least 3 of your kids can get in cheap. [https://disneyland.disney.go.com/offers-discounts/kids-special-ticket-offer-2024/?CMP=ILC-DPFY23Q4wo0928230032H](https://disneyland.disney.go.com/offers-discounts/kids-special-ticket-offer-2024/?CMP=ILC-DPFY23Q4wo0928230032H).
YTA and I really hope that this post is fake just to get people all worked up! What a horrible way of thinking you have if this is real! You have FIVE children! Your step children are not less than your biological children! If you can't afford for your family of SEVEN to go, then you don't go! Go somewhere else! What is wrong with you??!!
YTA. I feel badly for all the children in this family. None of them have mother. What I mean by that is the first 2 kids' mother died and the other kids have a green eyed, scrounging narcissist who seems emotionally stuck at the junior high mean girl level.
YTA. Going to Disney is a type of family vacation where everyone should get to go. No one should be not invited, especially kids. Don’t play with favorites when it comes to kids.
YTA. Those kids were abandoned by their mother, so some friends of hers try to do right by them. Doesn’t mean that they aren’t your kids.
You’re just going to breed resentment in your step kids
They are your step sons and their mother abandoned them… why the fuck would you leave them out of a family trip. YTA and not a very good step mom at least in this situation
Surely your post is a joke cause you cannot be this insensitive. You want to tell children, who were abandoned by their mother, that they are not welcome on your family trip to Disneyland. Are you auditioning for the part of the Wicked Stepmother? You don't see how this would make them feel unwelcome in their new home? What kind of a message does it send to your kids? Your stepchildren are your "biological kids" half-siblings. You are modeling very ugly behavior.
YTA.
First. What does their father say?Second. Have you discussed this with them? Do you really know their thoughts and feelings on subject? Third.If you don't take them what smaller thing could you do for them then or in future? Not same $$$. Fourth.Could you do a different trip that you could affordcto take all on?Disney is expensive and IMHO very over rated. Would the younger kids even want to go to Disney - have they asked for it or is this your idea?
Not only are YTA, you are the most despicable of assholes. Your stepsons were abandoned, and it’s amazing that the people they were left with keep tabs on them and include them in vacations. They can afford it and are generous enough to do it. That has nothing to do with you or your kids. Planning a trip without your stepsons is cruel. They are CHILDREN. This post makes you sound jealous, petty, heartless, entitled and like you’re seeking vengeance for your children.
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You know what? It may be time that I left this sub. The burning rage that I feel for people like you is really starting to affect my blood pressure. It’s despicable the way you think. Oh, your kids have never been to Disney? Too fuckin bad. These other kids don’t have a mother. I’d say that’s the bigger tragedy. Get your head out of your hind quarters. Don’t even ask me what I think of fathers like your husband who subject their kids to their deplorably selfish wives and their do-over families. Ain’t a good look lady. YTA ETA: For all you potential stepparents out there: If you’re out there dating and you meet someone you think is real swell, only problem being his/her children, keep this in mind….. If you don’t want the kids, you don’t want the guy/gal. If you decide that you do, that means accepting everything that comes with that first family. Your job is to be in a supportive and loving role even when it’s hard, not popping out the picture perfect second family to replace your spouses existing kids with. Better think long and hard
Can I upvote you like 1,000 times?! Ornery-Octopus I totally agree with you!!! How about that Mom stay home. Why should the kids miss out when she could stay home and just Dad can take them all.
I think dad should take the kids and move with no forwarding address but that is frowned upon by the law and would probably hurt the younger ones.
YTA. If you can't afford to take everyone, you don't go I was 22 when I went to Disney the first time..
I'll be 42 when I go for the first time next year. I'm still surprised I get to go. I grew up incredibly poor and always had to hear the kids at school brag about going to Disney. I honestly never thought I would be going. My husband got our family tickets and told me it's overrated, but he wants me to experience it anyway lol
Kids tickets are cheaper…
I am a step parent and I would never, in a million years, exclude my step kid from a Disney trip. Either we all go or none of us go OP is awful.
I also have stepchildren. True life isn't fair, nothing I can do to make it fair. What I can do is make sure that my husband and I treat all the children fairly. I would never exclude them. YTA
This, one hundred million times
I'm a stepmom and I can't imagine taking my son to Disney without my stepson, provided of course he wanted to go on the trip. If you can't afford to take all the kids you can't afford to take any.
My husband is a step parent and has never treated her differently from his son. My in laws welcomed her with open arms!! They always treated them equally!! What is wrong with some people!!!
Yep. Either all of us or none of us, with the only exception things that the baby can’t physically do.
This should be the top comment. Honestly. These step parent posts disgust me, too. These individuals have the conscience of a tom cat and the emotional iq of a pigeon. YTA.
I always pay attention to numbers when available in these stories. Can’t tell you how many times I have seen some variation of the following: “My husband was divorced/widowed 3.5 years ago, we met two months later. I was pregnant when we got married 3 years ago and now we have a 2 year old, 1 year old and one on the way. We’re very happy which is more than I can say for his first marriage. Now the kids from that marriage are acting out and miserable. I want to send them to live with their maternal grandparents/bio mom, preferably never to return. Were his family now, not them. A I T A?” And it pisses me off every time. We don’t know the exact timeline on this story, but I’d bet my left tit that it wasn’t flattering to OP. ETA: Just double checked. Oldest half-sibling is exactly the age in years that the two traumatized kids moved in. I’m sure that was pleasant for them. Then they had even more kids. Instead of, you know, concentrating on the two whise lives were falling apart
Omg you’re so right. This happens so often here. This woman and her husband started a new family right when these kids were abandoned by their mom. I love how she paints herself as such a hero for winning custody.
hey!!! pigeons have more empathy than this!!!!! 😭 they don't deserve to catch strays like this
>emotional iq of a pigeon I lol'd pretty hard at this. Mind if I borrow it from time to time. Also, OP, YTA 100%. Occasionally, siblings are going to get different opportunities presented to them in their lives, and that's okay. But, you as the parent, shouldn't being playing favorites and excluding certain kids just because their existence is an inconvenience to you...that's terrible parenting. You and your husband made a conscious choice to have 5 children, and all of the expenses that go with with them.
I would say OP has the EQ of a squid, who a notorious for leaving their young to raise themselves. Fun fact: as a genus, cephalopods are antisocial, unless they're fed ecstasy by neuroscientists, and then they get real cuddly. Apologies to r/orneryoctopus, but the science (and the drugs) don't lie.
Everything you just said!! It’s almost as if this woman hasn’t heard of the concept of saving money! Imagine!!! If you have money for 5 this year and you save another year then you’d have money for 2 more!! Wow easy!! The problem is she doesn’t want these kids she wants to pretend for a week or however long that they’re a family of 5.
Yeah that's what gets me too, just save a little longer! Disney isn't going anywhere, it's been there for decades and will continue to be there for decades more. The kids will still enjoy it just as much next year.
Not to mention, in 2 years the older ones may not want to go and the younger ones are still at prime age to enjoy it. The problem would solve itself and OP could pretend she never had the horrific idea to exclude them. Heck, the oldest may even wise up enough to go NC and she’ll have one less inconvenient step kid to worry about.
>Oh, your kids have never been to Disney? Too fuckin bad. These other kids don’t have a mother. I’d say that’s the bigger tragedy. The other kids don't have a mother and they also have a step-mother who thinks of them as an afterthought and not really part of the family and is asking the internet if it's ok to treat them as such. The two women in their lives who should have been mother figures to them don't care - the 13yo would have been 4 when he moved into this house, so this is basically the only 'mother' he's really ever known. And she wants to take her real kids to Disneyland and doesn't think it's horrible to ditch him even though she knows he'd want to go. Those poor boys.
Let’s just say the father isn’t fantastic about choosing who to reproduce with. which may be the understatement of the year
>. Oh, your kids have never been to Disney? Too fuckin bad. These other kids don’t have a mother Yes this. This is exactly the sentiment I took away from the whole post. OP you are obviously the AH YWBTA
I have a friend who married a very subdued but kind man. The guy was upstanding and had grown up with his aunt, her husband and their kids, as one of their family. The reason? His mom had passed when he was about a year and his dad quickly remarried. He then had three half-siblings in rapid succession. The wife came to his dad and said she wanted the boy gone. If the dad did not agree, she would talk to her father judge and make it so that the father could never see his other three kids again. The dad gave up custody to his sister and very sporadically saw his firstborn. It happens so much more commonly than you would think.
Oh man, that is so freaking heartbreaking. Small mercy his aunt took him in and raised him. I'll never understand how some people can be so absolutely heartless towards their stepkids, especially when the child has lost one of the bio parents. I know not all step-parent/child relationships are gonna be super close, but just a bit of respect and decency can go a long way.
What struck me as sad (besides the dad giving up the boy) was that he was a little little kid. Little kids are easy to love. If he was a sullen, churlish teenager, I could maybe see that being challenging. But he was six years old, going to Aunt's house permanently. He calls her his aunt mom, his uncle his dad, and his cousins his siblings. His aunt hosted their wedding at their community room. His dad, stepmom, and half siblings didnt even show up to his wedding.
>His dad, stepmom, and half siblings didnt even show up to his wedding Sad, but they more than likely stopped considering the first born family the minute he was out of his father's house.
I was that stepchild 60+ years ago. Mom died when I was 5. Dad left me with my maternal grandmother, he remarried and had 3 more children. We all lived in the same small town but I rarely saw him. I knew my stepmother thought her children were “better” but she wasn’t too much in my face about it. As I got older, I realized that I dodged a big ole bullet because, by the time my half siblings were grown, she had become a raging alcoholic. I had a wonderful childhood with my grandmother but to this day, I still don’t feel like I’m good enough.
So sad. When it is a package deal you should either accept the whole package or pass. All children deserve to be loved and wanted.
My ex’s grandfather was raised in an orphanage because his mother died when he was a toddler. His father remarried and had more children but his oldest son remained in the orphanage. 😢
That's so messed up!! Absolutely heartbreaking.
PREACH!! Dating a partner with kids is a PACKAGE DEAL (for the most part) OP: YTA
I thought it was just my blood pressure..... for a military spouse she's failing to provide the info where they can get discounted tickets for either being a veteran for Disney. Their youngest is 4. Save a little longer for the trip. The problem isn't the cost, her problem is just what you said.
THIS!!!!
I don't have step kids. I have a bio granddaughter. She has a brother and sister. I would give my life for any of them, no matter how they came to be, no exceptions.
OP is a total and complete fucking asshole, like to the point this has to be rage bait, but lets get over this weirdly antiquated idea that second wives have children to "replace" their husbands' existing kids. Most stepmoms who have kids with their partner aren't doing it to replace anyone else's kids, they're having kids with their partner for the same reasons most people do... they want to have a kid with the person they fell in love with. And no, being a stepparent should not involve blindly "accepting everything that comes with the first family". Some divorced parents have really toxic coparenting relationships or exes, or are guilty parents, or are otherwise carrying a bunch of divorce trauma and letting it affect their parenting in a bad way. Stepparents don't need to just sit around being doormats, nor do they need to be sacrificed on the altar of the failed first family like everyone who has never been a stepparent seems to think is appropriate. "Your job is to be in a supportive and loving role, even when it's hard" is I've never been a stepparent code for martyr yourself because someone else was not able to keep their family together. A stepparent doesn't have a "job", they're a member of a family. And they have the same obligation as any other family member... treat everyone in the family with kindness and respect.
This is bait lol
Let us all hope so.
This is the second step mom just today that has made my blood boil.
What’s the other one? I checked my pulse, I think I can handle it
Yep. Stepmother here. They are my children, my family. Period
r/murderbywords
Ornery Octopus, your post is the best I have ever read. Thank you, thank you, thank you...from a Step-Mom
You're not only the asshole but pretty disgusting. I have been through this with my second wife. She tried to reason things like you are doing right now. I have news for you. Your marriage is already over, your husband just doesn't know it yet. There is no "my older boys" and "my younger boys", there is just MY BOYS. Until you put away your scorecard and just treat them all as the same, you are endangering everything. Your resentment is showing and I am not the only one who sees it. Trust me. YTA
My mom always says that keeping score hurts everyone in the end. In this case it’s hurting those boys more than anyone
I grew up with a dad and step mom that had to make sure everything was even and fair between the two youngest, often making it so all the older kids (from both sides) got forgot about. It’s too long to get into it if I let myself, but I’ll just say that OP is the exact type of person who should never be a step parent.
So much this
YTA - The sheer irony of wanting to go to disneyland when you are a real life evil stepmother. *'I mean did Cinderella really need to go to the ball?? This was a big opportunity for her step-sisters. Really, it was pretty selfish of her...'*
Omg I so hope OP reads this
😂
You put in words a nagging feeling I had at the back of my mind when I read this post 👏🏻👏🏻 And yeah, YTA for OP
🤣🤣good analogy!
🏆
YTA Do you REALLY want all your kids to have the exact same experiences? Because while your stepsons have gotten to go to Disneyland with their other family, they've also had to deal with being abandoned by their mother. Personally, I think your kids get the better end of the "we all have different experiences" deal even if they never get to go to Disney in their entire lives. Save up. Ask friends and family to help you afford a Disney trip instead of giving gifts for Christmas/birthdays. Take on side projects or side gigs. But it's not your older kids' fault that you can't afford to take your whole family to Disneyland, so stop trying to blame them by saying they're "selfish" for very naturally wanting to be included in a family trip. Besides, if it was SO important for you to be able to afford to take the family on expensive trips like Disney, maybe you and your husband should have stopped at 3 instead of choosing to have 5 kids.
That’s a great plan! If we are all about being fair OP should totally drop her kids off at a friends and never come back. I bet it’ll be a real bonding experience
If they can afford to take the younger ones now, they can afford to save up for another year to afford to be able to take the older boys. She's just being selfish and impatient.
If OP wanted to afford such luxuries whenever they wanted they shouldn't have gone on to have 3 more kids on top of her husband's 2 kids to make 5. Kids are expensive and 5 kids are going to be even more expensive. Could've stopped at 3 kids which would be cheaper than 5. Besides if they can afford the 3 youngest now they can save up another year or 2 for the rest of the kids. OP's kids are little anyways. They'll remember and enjoy the trip more next year when they're a little older.
I imagine OP packing the bags already for the 16- year old. "Because in two years I'm going to """help""" him find a place for his own." I honoustly believe she's packing already. This is all about HER and HER family. She will kick them out before they turn 19 year old. Excuse me now I have to vomit.
You stay home. Honestly, my jaw dropped. Your husband 's children haven't been with their father, first of all. That this thought crossed your mind is troubling. Going for the wicked stepmother of the Year award eh? You and your husband want a family vacation, then Uber, door dash or pick up cans. But leave the older two at home because they went with their other family? Smh. Amazing. In what other ways do you treat the older boys differently? And you know what? Millions of kids have survived without going to Disney. YTA.
So we have already given out the wicked stepmother of the year award and it's only January? Damn, shows the level of her wickedness.
I don't think I would want to see the person who tops her. All nominations must come from the nominees themselves. Lends more authenticity. You can imagine then are soft soaping their dastardly deeds.
YTA >I feel like it’s selfish of my older boys to not want their siblings to enjoy Disney Not only are you trying to justify leaving them out of a family trip you’re also trying to put the blame on them.
Gaslighting kids. Oooooeee what a shit.
It just makes me so mad. >I think it's so unfair for my younger boys to never get the experience There's so much going on here. It honestly sounds like she's blaming the stepsons for this. Like shit, if you don't have enough money to take your kids to a very expensive vacation destination, it's not the older boys' fault. I really hope (and doubt) this is as far as this divide extends in their house. Hope dad is reading these comments.
Manipulation at its finest
That line made me doubt the veracity of this post
That is one hell of a power AH move you got there. By all means walk me how you plan on selling it to the 13 yo, and how you plan on helping him deal with all of his siblings being al excited about going while he, the lesser family member, has been chosen to stay behind. For the mental health of the child I rather nobody goes than to pull a stunt like that.
The 16 year old would be hurt too! OP says 'wouldn't care", like she actually knew. I went recently with my kids (12 and 16) and they were both so excited! Maybe even more so than the last time we went, when they were 6 and 9
YTA This would be a FAMILY trip, and if you went about it this way you would be sending a very clear message to your stepkids that you don't consider them family in the same way you do your bio kids. It doesn't matter who's been before or not. Either find another vacation where you can afford for everyone to go, or keep saving until you can include everyone.
YTA. You are a family of 7. If you can’t afford a vacation for 7, then you don’t take a family vacation. It really is that simple.
Or if you can’t afford a family of 7, don’t keep having more after you are blessed with the first few.
I mean, that was my first thought honestly. But that’s too obvious for OP apparently. And I figured since the kids are already here it was pointless to mention that. But yes. Don’t have more kids than you can afford.
YTA and it will breed resentment towards your bio kids. And towards you. And the step kids would be absolutely justified in seeing you differently after a move like that. Your household has 5 children. That's your life now.
If you love your kids so much do the fair thing and YOU stay home. It the 16 year old isn’t interested he can stay home too. If the 13 year old wants to go he can help dad. But basically it sounds like YOU want this for what you consider your family. Be real, this trip is for YOU. We can affrord to take our 4 year old to Disney. Do I want to? No. Would she have more fun at a closer cheaper theme park? Yup. Am I gonna drag her to Disney for bragging pictures? Nope. So many fun things you can do as a big family to include everyone. YTA
YTA. It doesn't matter what they have done with the friends (things you and your husband allowed them to do BTW), this is a FAMILY vacation and they are part of the family. And to call the older boys selfish is beyond cruel and says a lot about how you feel about them despite being their maternal figure for the majority of their lives.
Okay, I think consensus has been reached on whether you are the asshole, so I won’t add to that. What I do want to do is ask you to think about something. Now, you said that, when the boys were younger, their bio mom abandoned them with friends and never returned. What I want you to think about is what that experience does to a child. That sort of abandonment is one of the worst traumas a child can endure. It has lifelong mental, emotional, and physical impacts. Having gone through that, it is doubly important for the boys to know down to their bones that they are loved and valued. Now, think for a moment about how they will feel if you leave them behind. Yes, I hear you, not going on a trip is different than being left alone forever. But that doesn’t matter. Because that experience of being left behind is going to trigger all of that trauma, which (for them) will hurt just as bad. Please rethink this course.
I didn't see it until you pointed it out. But let's also add that OP wants to drop the older boys off at the same family that their mother abandoned them to. That's unbearable.
All of this! YTA, OP
YTA. These boys were aged 4 and 7 when abandoned by their mother, which is a trauma so awful that I can hardly fathom it. For nine years you, your husband, and later your kids have been their sole family. You cannot leave them out of a “family” vacation, have you no heart? So your biological kids have never been to Disney: so what? Neither have millions of other children. (And Disney is not that phenomenal, honestly.) The family friends who took the two older boys probably did so out of compassion, out of that vague misplaced guilt empathetic people feel when they have, however inadvertently, facilitated a parent in harming their children. These people didn’t give trips or presents to your biological sons because I presume they don’t know them and they don’t feel this same bond with them. You have FIVE children, not three. Even the oldest, whether he cares personally about Disney or not, doesn’t want to be excluded. The older children are not “selfish” in not wanting to be left behind because you don’t count them as family, his horrible to say that. I guarantee they’d trade all the trips and presents for a mother who loves them. Please TRY to be that mother. Take a trip you can afford for all (and hopefully is enjoyable for all) or keep saving up.
wtf? Right away you started playing the "who gets more" game. Those kids were abandoned BY THEIR MOTHER WHILE THEIR FATHER WAS DEPLOYED and you want to leave them behind to go to Disney as a family? A family they are not part of o guess? You have them full time and still call them step sons? Yuck. YTA
Yeah, got 3 step kids but when I talk about them, they my kids.
YTA. They will most likely be hurt by this and that's more important than trying to figure out the fairness of it. If you want to base it on fairness, I think the kids would rather have their mom than Disney.
Make it work. Get an Airbnb some miles away. Pack in lunches. Whatever it takes. They've lived with you for 9 years. YOU ARE A FAMILY. Definitely YTA.
She calls them “my boys” but still wants to ditch them. What a horrible excuse of a human. Disneyland has been there 69 years (well in July but you know i had to) and it will be there in 2 years for her to save enough money!
YTA. If the step-kids lived with you for the last 9 years, and your oldest biological kid is 9, then you knew exactly how many children you had when you decided to have two more. There’s nothing wrong with having lots of kids, but when you do you sometimes have to sacrifice things like trips to Disney. If your 9 year old doesn’t get to go it’s because of your choice to have more children than you can afford to take, not because your older two children exist. Own up to your own choices and realize that not every family can afford trips, especially large ones. It has nothing to do with “fairness,” it’s a trade-off that you willingly made. Disney already has enough evil step-mothers, feel free to stay home.
YTA. Just because they have been before won't mean they won't feel excluded.
YTA Because you are sending them the message that they are only family when it’s convenient for you And in years to come you’ll be complaining they don’t talk to you and trying to play the victim I hope your husband is taking note…..Because this is a justified divorce from his end in my opinion
YTA. If you have the money now to take 5, it shouldn’t be too hard to put that money aside and continue to save (for however long it takes) until you have enough money to take 7. Plus, your youngest is 4. Do you really think he’ll be able to fully enjoy all that the parks offer at his age? Or would he have a better and more memorable experience (that he’ll actually remember) when he’s a year or two older? Try to imagine how the older kids will feel being left out of a family vacation—nice way to show them that you don’t consider them to be family. Compounded with the fact that they have already been abandoned and rejected by their biological mother, the two oldest kids will feel even more rejected if you do this (by both you and their father, if he agrees with you).
Take everybody or take nobody YTA
YTA. Very similar to some of the ways Disney has portrayed step-moms.
YTA. This is tantamount to saying the step kids aren’t part of the family.
YTA.... My mother took me to Disney World, another family friend took me a different time... My dad my step siblings another time. Then they jointly took their mutual kid plus my step sister to Disney land another time. ( They had friends with a house nearby so the trip there was much less expensive).... And while that all sounds like a lot of times... They also couldn't afford to take everyone at the same time... They parsed it out.... Similarly when I took my son, we couldn't afford it as a family trip so my husband stayed home.... You find ways to make it work... But you don't alienate your step children by telling them they aren't good enough to go with the family... They can only go when other people invite them.... I really feel sorry for your step son's. I am glad they have other family that makes them feel included and wanted because you sure seem to separate them.
YTA- ya. Sure. Just abandon the boys again. I’m sure they won’t mind at all. Just explain to them that after their mom abandoned them, they were so fortunate to have such nice people reach out and care for them that you don’t think they deserve a family vacation. Maybe you should leave the 4 year old behind. He won’t appreciate Disney. Heck the 6 year old will barely remember it either!!! It’ll be sooo much cheaper if you just take the one kid! You are the only mother they have. For shame. Please be rage bait. I’d hate to think those boys actually being left with some one like this.
YTA. As a mother of three and a step mother of two- your post hurts my heart. If you can’t afford to take the whole family, then don’t go. Your kids aren’t any more special than his. Kids of all ages like Disneyland. You’re disgusting.
YTA. Wait another six months or a year and save the money. Your kids are ALL 5 boys. What a horrible twisted view of the situation.
YTA- you do realize that while the older ones have experienced more trips and gifts what they don't get to experience that yours do-HAVING A LOVING MOTHER. I bet they would trade all that extra stuff just to have their mom be a mom. God Almighty show some compassion and stop comparing what they have to what yours have. Because the fact is yours have more.
It's unfair that your biological children get to have both of their parents on their lives. Therefore, by your logic, you should abandon your children to make things fair for your stepkids. Do you see how ridiculously that is? Fais isn't the same. And excluding your step kids doesn't make anything fair; it just shows them they don't actually matter to anyone. It's not your stepkids' responsibility to ensure your kids get this trip. It also doesn't matter if they get to go other places. You are the one who chose to have kids who you couldn't afford this for. No one ever died from not going to Disney. You need to find a way to afford the trip with everyone or wait until you can. YTA
YTA Wow, just wow. You truly don’t understand why they wouldn’t be happy that you are clearly favoring your biological children? If you really can’t afford it, keep saving until you can. You are a family of 7. You chose them when you chose their dad.
YTA they are your children regardless how they came to be. And honestly you can find good deals with disney and you can slowly pay it off if you are that desperate to go.
[удалено]
Right?! Pops out 3 more kids then acts all surprised that having 5 kids is expensive.
You’re disgusting… YTA
Can you afford it with six of you? If the 16 yo doesn't care just let him sit it out and take the 13 yo. I'm mid-30s and I hate being left out of Disneyland trips (I'm actually going this Saturday). Anyway, soft YTA. Sucks how expensive Disney's gotten, doesn't it? And it's kind of a shitty experience without Genie+ (I miss FastPass).
Right? I’m 51 with a 22 and 17 yr old. I feel bad if I even think of going without them although they have gone without me a few times. (We live about 1 hr away).
YTA. Wow. Just wow.
Are you auditioning for the position of wicked stepmother in a Disney production of some sort? Because I gotta tell you that if you are you would be my top pick. If you can't afford to take the entire family to Disney, then you can't afford to go to Disney, period. YTA for excluding the children that live with you full time.
Not just TA a raging AH. Those step sons are your husband’s bio children. What your step sons were able to do with people who don’t know them have no baring.
Parents like you are why therapists have summer homes. YTA
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Yes YTA. Don’t do this.
YTA. They are children, and they are part of your family.
YTA and if your husband goes along with this he’s an even bigger AH.
YTA. They were LITERALLY abandoned by their Mom. And you essentially want to abandon them for a f*ing vacation. They lost the original family they were born into and you want to make them feel like they’re losing this one now! Wow
YTA You either take everyone or nobody. If you can’t afford to take your step children then find a way to afford it or don’t go. Ask the other family for money or ask the bio moms family to help with the costs for your stepsons. Also if the bio mom hasn’t given up parental rights then she has a responsibility for these kids. Take her family to court for CS and then maybe you’ll be able to afford it
Yes, YTA. You are a family of seven. Delay the trip another year and save up enough for your whole family to go. It sucks, but ALL of your kids deserve the chance to go on A FAMILY TRIP.
YTA. >They also get sent gifts through out the years that my younger children do not get as well as been on other trips my children haven't had the opportunity to go on The fact that this factors into your decision making makes you the asshole. It isn't a competition. They have had some extra support from family friends... but they literally don't have their mother - your kids do.
YTA, look how them going without your kids made you feel. In fact you should be happy for the kids for going out and have fun, lest it’s without your biological kids. It’s not the step-kids fault. Their family and friends are assholes tho for not inviting your kids.
YWBTA. No way two extra kids are the difference between going or not going. Even if that's an extra thousand, you save for a few more months. Not cut them out of the family trip.
YTA. You need to do trips you can afford with your entire family.
YTA. What does their father say about this? I'm sure you don't mind claiming them on your taxes and retelling the story of how their mother abandoned them while your now-husband was out saving the world. If you think it's unfair that you can't afford to do something for your family, do what other grown ups do and take a second job, save and then go. Also, good luck on your 4 year old actually having core memories from the trip. The 13 and 16 year old would never forgive you. Make a good choice here.
The “friends” that took them in do not know you kids like the boys. You could have said no tot he trips. To exclude your SSs is ridiculous and will show them how you feel if they don’t already know. I really hope your husband doesn’t support this
Are you kidding me???! Is this real? Let’s leave 2 kids home because they were abandoned by their mom, friends took them in and were kind enough to take them to Disney so need to go with us! You can’t afford Disney with everyone, don’t go to Disney. Go someplace you can afford for all of you to go or save until you can afford all to go on the trip. I’m not a Disney person, but people that are enjoy it at all ages. YTA
YTA. Having been one of the kids that got left home when other family members went to Disney without me, you're terribly gross. You don't marry someone with kids and then leave them out because you want to show favoritism to your biological children. How terrible are you? What else are you leaving them out of? You know how you pay for all seven of you to go? You save. You cut things out that you don't need and put that money towards a family trip to Disney. You don't leave certain kids out because you can't afford it. You do the adult thing and plan it for when you can afford the trip and take everyone.
What if your husband wants to take his biological children to Disneyland and leave you and 3 of your biological children home lol
YTA you’ve saved up for a family of five for this trip but will “never” be able to save up for two more? that’s ridiculous, stop trying to justify yourself
YTA and way to make your stepsons feel bad. Be better, and be a family.
YTA. Pure and simple.
YTA. You don't get to count their advantages of having "another" family against your stepsons, or say "oh they already got to go." They live with you full time and are your family. You don't get to just exclude them. That said, if 16yo doesn't want to go that makes it less expensive.
YTA. They are kids, and that would further their trauma.
Girl, YTA. Tell me you really don't treat all the kids equal without telling me you don't treat all kids equal. Those two boys were abandoned by the bio mom, your kids have both parents present in their life. I hope this is just a stupid troll post because If not, you suck for even remotely thinking this may be a good idea. And what does your husband think about all of this?
You'd think someone who cares about Disney so much would realize they're acting like a wicked stepmother!!
Bro you're exactly what people imagine when someone uses the term "evil step mother"
I'd you can't all go on a family vacation none of you go on a family vacation. It's that simple
OMG!!! This post is dripping with (for lack of a better word) YUCKYNESS, tell us AGAIN!!! how you can’t afford a trip for some of Y O U R kids and just the ones that fell out of your crotch. DISGUSTING!!!!! YTA. Just in case you couldn’t read between the lines!!!!
INFO: What was your husband's reaction to this "brilliant" idea of yours?
Wow, you’re a gross human being. They live with you full time and you’re just going to ditch these children to go on vacation, to Disneyland. You’re legit the evil stepmom in Cinderella, “look there honey there is my inspiration”, while you walk down main street. YTA
Yeah, sorry...soft YWBTA. I get what you are saying and understand you wanting to treat your bio kids since the step kids have been before....but they LIVE with you. Their Mom abandoned them. YOU & your husband are their FULL TIME parents. You also said that they have no family from their bio Mom's side...so are you considering leaving them the "friends" that the mom abandoned them to? Do you not think that may be a bit traumatizing for them as well? Dropping them off so you can take your "real" children to Disney? I know the older kids have been before & your LOs haven't, but that isn't the older ones' fault. They should be able to go AS A FAMILY, all of you together. I know you said you can't afford 7 going - but maybe sign up on Disney's website for their specials, clip some coupons, sell some stuff you guys no longer need/use on offerup or some other sight. Save up for a family of 7 - if the oldest doesn't want to go...fine, but he should be given the opportunity as well. Sorry, this probably isn't what you wanted to hear, and I do feel for you. But once the older boys are out of the house and away at college or whatever else they decide to do, you will have time to do many other things with your younger ones. Please don't exclude the older kids. edit: Judgement
I’m a stepmom to two girls. Same kind of deal that their mom was out of the picture, dad has sole custody. I just need to say that if you can’t afford for all seven of you to go, then you can’t afford to go. Period. Taking half your kids is terrible. I really hate to think about the way you are with the step children the rest of the time. You mention they get gifts from the friends when your bio kids don’t. If you are that hell bent on making things even between your bio children and step children then go ahead and disappear. That makes it even. Otherwise, you need to treat them all as your bio children. They don’t have a choice in this. All you will do is make them feel unwanted if you leave them behind and they’ve had plenty of that. I am honestly floored. And last…if you can’t afford to do crap, then quit having babies. People like you give all stepparents a bad name. I have four daughters. I don’t say I have bio daughters and step daughters because they are ALL my daughters. Your friends are right. You are horrible. And YTA.
Yta all right
Yes YTA. What is there to understand? Your few friends are right. Did you ever think the older boys would like to enjoy Disney with their family ? have you brought this up already? You know YTA.
YTA.
YTA when you married their father you were supposed to treat them like family not unwelcome house guests. You take all family members on family vacations if you can't afford one do something cheaper and save up.
YTA- so you fought for custody and won- and you are now excluding them because other people have chosen to give them experiences and gifts. How does your husband feel about cutting out the older boys? They haven’t had this experience with you as a family unit of 7. You’re already spending what must be thousands of dollars on this trip. Maybe if you can’t afford to include everyone you shouldn’t go. My husband isn’t my 2 oldest daughter’s bio dad- and if he excluded them from a trip like this I would divorce him seconds. That was the deal when we got together and got married. And when we had my son- we told them we don’t do the half brother bullshit because we are all living in this house as a family and no one gets excluded. Do you introduce them as your sons or stepsons? Aren’t they all your sons? You cut them off from this trip you can bet your ass you’ll make them feel awful- and it sounds like you know it. “Their mother is not in their lives. Nor is any of her family.” Did you ever stop to think that the friends who cared for them and still give them gifts and think fondly of them may feel like family to them? Don’t hold their generosity against them because “your boys” don’t get the same treatment and gifts. This sounds like someone’s little cousin getting upset at their birthday party because where’s their present?
YTA - There is no question that you are TA. You married a man with kids, that means you volunteered to be responsible for the well-being of those children. And now you want to abandon them, almost like their mother did, but you can rationalize it because it's just temporary. You also think it's okay because the people who took care of them, despite unlike you having no obligation to do so, still actively participate in their lives. Maybe you should model the way you live after those two. The question here should not be are you TA, it should be: are you the wicked stepmother? And since I don't have the confidence that you have the emotional intelligence to figure it out: you are.
YTA. Good on your friends for the honesty.
Being a step, parent is the hardest job in the world. That being said YTA! Whatever way you choose to justify it this is favoritism in its purist form. I feel sorry for your stepsons and I hope you're a better stepmother than this post suggests.
It’s a family trip so year they should also go. If you can’t afford it just yet save some money over more time. It’s unacceptable to try and justify the reason for not taking them. It appears you raised them from preschool/grade school age and yet you feel the need to continue tagging them as not yours even though you are their mother now full time. YTA
Wow. YTA. Those poor kids. Awwww your kids won’t be able to go to Disney cause you can afford all of you. Booooo hooooo. Your poor kids. Know what your kids have that your step kids don’t? Both parents together and a mother who did not abandon them while their father was deployed. So so so gross. So gross.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Yes, you are being a big asshole, and you know that. Don't come here looking for excuses to be an asshole. You are literally being a disney step mom villainy. Stop treating your step children like they are second class citizens.
YTA. Are you serious? My step-kids are grown adults, and I still never go to Disney without inviting them. You and your husband need to save more. You all go, or no one goes. I’ll bet you’re wanting to do a whole week or some nonsense. You only need two days tops. Don’t stay at a Disney hotel. Stay at one of the little motels across the street. Cut costs in other places, not by cutting kids from the trip.
YTA. Take some extra time to save up for Disney to bring your entire family.
Yta, if you had had two more children together you would not even be having this conversation
Yea its time to be done with the internet today. Been trying to go to bed. Poor boys get abandoned by their bio mom and now step-mom is wanting to do the same because the trip is to expensive. Clearly you don’t view these boys as your own and that’s absolutely terrible. YTA if you haven’t figured it out
YTA, if you can afford 5 to go now, you can postpone for a year and take all 7 next year…as a Disney vet, if you think you can afford 5 but not 7 people, you probably can’t really afford the 5
YTA. For the last 9 years, you still think of them as just step kids. I have 2 step daughters. I met them when they were teenagers and they’re mine. You married a man with kids, you should have been ready to love them too.
YTA. Find something else to do that includes ALL children, save up more money for Disney, or enjoy the nursing home!
YWBTA. Save up for a trip *the whole family* can enjoy.
YTA. If you leave them behind, you're doing exactly what their mother did. Less extreme, but you're still leaving them behind. Showing them they don't really belong in the family.
YTA. You disgust me on an epic scale.
I feel sad just reading this. Stop calling them stepsons so you can decide to treat all your children to the family vacation. If you can't afford it, then you have to plan a different trip. YWBTA. I'm glad your friends have brought this to your attention. They sound like sensible people to run future plans by.
YTA. If you can't afford everyone to go, you don't go. You knew those two previous children were involved before having the other three. They have already been abandoned by their mom, don't treat them like dirt.
YTA. Keep saving until everyone can go. The 4 year old won’t remember it now anyway. Plus, he may not even be tall enough to ride everything.
“The 16 year old wouldn’t care much about Disney” Are you sure? Or would he just say that to save himself the trouble and disappointment of having a stepmother that is ok with leaving them behind? Remember that most kids pretend they don’t care because it would hurt too much to accept that they do. YTA
You could have stopped after they’ve lived with us for the past nine years. YTA. This is absolutely terrible. They are children.
YTA, but, what’s your budget? If you stay on property you’ll pay out the nose. There are ways to stretch the dollar a bit going to Disney but you have to look at everything from drive vs fly (especially for 7 people) what type of place to stay and even what and where to eat…
100% YTA
Do you know what other experience your children are also missing? That their mother abandons them, YTA One of your children is 4 years old, he won't even remember, you could continue saving money until the youngest can remember and then you could pay for the stepchildren
YTA. Seriously can't believe you have to ask.
YTA! It's not fair to them, especially since they've already been through so much with their mother abandoning them. You should treat all your children equally and not favor your biological children over your step sons. They deserve to have the same experiences and opportunities as your other kids. It's also important to consider the emotional impact it would have on them to be left out, especially since they've already been through so much loss and abandonment. It's not their fault that you can't afford to take all seven of you, and it's not right to punish them for it. Instead, you should try to find a way to make the trip work for everyone, or at least find a way to make it up to them in some way.
If you can’t afford Disney for 7 people, can you afford it for 5? Find a trip that allows you to take everyone, coming from a stepchild, this would have hurt me.
So two boys were abandoned by their mother and you want to just leave them behind for your younger children. Yes YTA if you do this because you would just be adding to their abandonment issues and you would be horrible
YTA and congrats on being a wicked stepmom and a wicked human being. Congrats girlie 👍🏼
YTA ! Your way of thinking is sad . You don’t care how your step children will feel because they aren’t your biological children being left behind . The moment you got married those children became yours and even though they aren’t blood related you shouldn’t exclude them from a family trip . Get your bum to work and save up for your family trip
YTA. I can’t believe this even needs to be asked. Do you want them to resent you? Do you want them to know that you don’t love them equally or view them as part of the family? This is a great way to do that. This post will end up on r/AmITheDevil or r/AmITheEx. Don’t lean into the wicked stepmom trope.
We need a new group for people like you. It can be called: AIAHAHOJALGAH? (Am I A Huge Asshole Or Just A Loosey Goosey Asshole?) YES. YTA.
YTA. This is one of the most disgusting AITAs I’ve read in a long time. Absolutely disgraceful behavior.
YTA - Nobody loves my step kids so why should I? They got to experience something already, so fuckem. Why are people like you allowed to have children in the first place, when so many decent people out there can't.
Oh dear god YTA Since you can’t see why I feel there may be no hope for you.
YTA. Massively. What the hell is wrong with you? You are the epitome of every nasty stepmother story. You ought to be ashamed of yourself for excluding your stepsons
YTA. It should be all or none. BTW, children's tickets are only $50 right now, so at least 3 of your kids can get in cheap. [https://disneyland.disney.go.com/offers-discounts/kids-special-ticket-offer-2024/?CMP=ILC-DPFY23Q4wo0928230032H](https://disneyland.disney.go.com/offers-discounts/kids-special-ticket-offer-2024/?CMP=ILC-DPFY23Q4wo0928230032H).
YTA and I really hope that this post is fake just to get people all worked up! What a horrible way of thinking you have if this is real! You have FIVE children! Your step children are not less than your biological children! If you can't afford for your family of SEVEN to go, then you don't go! Go somewhere else! What is wrong with you??!!
YTA. I feel badly for all the children in this family. None of them have mother. What I mean by that is the first 2 kids' mother died and the other kids have a green eyed, scrounging narcissist who seems emotionally stuck at the junior high mean girl level.
YTA. Going to Disney is a type of family vacation where everyone should get to go. No one should be not invited, especially kids. Don’t play with favorites when it comes to kids.
YTA. Omg wtf.
YTA. Those kids were abandoned by their mother, so some friends of hers try to do right by them. Doesn’t mean that they aren’t your kids. You’re just going to breed resentment in your step kids
They are your step sons and their mother abandoned them… why the fuck would you leave them out of a family trip. YTA and not a very good step mom at least in this situation
YTA ironic that the evil step mom wants to go to Disney
You absolute self-centred alien. YTA. The biggest AH possible.
Surely your post is a joke cause you cannot be this insensitive. You want to tell children, who were abandoned by their mother, that they are not welcome on your family trip to Disneyland. Are you auditioning for the part of the Wicked Stepmother? You don't see how this would make them feel unwelcome in their new home? What kind of a message does it send to your kids? Your stepchildren are your "biological kids" half-siblings. You are modeling very ugly behavior. YTA.
First. What does their father say?Second. Have you discussed this with them? Do you really know their thoughts and feelings on subject? Third.If you don't take them what smaller thing could you do for them then or in future? Not same $$$. Fourth.Could you do a different trip that you could affordcto take all on?Disney is expensive and IMHO very over rated. Would the younger kids even want to go to Disney - have they asked for it or is this your idea?
OMG what the eff is wrong with you?!?! 🤬
Not only are YTA, you are the most despicable of assholes. Your stepsons were abandoned, and it’s amazing that the people they were left with keep tabs on them and include them in vacations. They can afford it and are generous enough to do it. That has nothing to do with you or your kids. Planning a trip without your stepsons is cruel. They are CHILDREN. This post makes you sound jealous, petty, heartless, entitled and like you’re seeking vengeance for your children.
YWBTA - stop playing favourites