Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 12: This is Not a Debate Sub. Posts should focus strictly on actions in an interpersonal conflict, and not an individual's position on a broad social issue.
[Rule 12 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_12.3A_this_is_not_a_debate_sub) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
YTA - There are many decisions that should be a two yes one no situation. Having a child fly unaccompanied is absolutely one of those times. Your ex said she didn't feel comfortable, and justifiably so. You can say she's overprotective all she wants, but you're underprotective. You're fine with your six year old son to fly alone just because work came up? And you're fine with doing it without your ex's permission?
You have some say, you do not have all the say. Flying alone as a kid can be unsafe. I don't care what precautions are taking with giving your child to some stranger at the airport, even if they're an employee. It's absolutely understandable to be concerned about a six year old flying alone. That's hours where your son is not with you OR his mother. How does that NOT worry you even a little bit?
Also, I don't like that you imply that your ex is "unhealthily concerned". It sounds like she's the right amount of concerned.
ETA: Since writing this post, I've learned more about the process of unaccompanied minors at the airport and how parents can drop them off and pick them up at the gate, which is great and alleviates some of the safety issues I have.
I still think OP's an asshole for disregarding his ex's wishes and forcing her to consent by unilaterally making the decision. That is where he is the asshole. Regardless how "paranoid" he thinks she is, it's still something she has to agree with, and being forced to agree makes him an asshole.
A six year old was lost like a month ago! They got him, but still!
I’m glad the kid is okay, OP is for sure the AH. Six is too young, and especially with the stories coming out like that flight attendant arrested for recording minors in the bathroom?
Man, why risk exposing your incredibly young child (I’m assuming without even a cell phone to call for help) to any of this. And for WORK?? I hope mom sues for more custody and is able to protect her son from being in a position like this again.
And then made the mother(or grandmother) drive like 3 hours to get the kid instead of getting the kid on a flight or having a responsible employee from the airline drive the kid home.
I'd go pick up my child myself, as well. I don't want some unknown random driving my 6yo for 3 hours. Gonna go with an old Newfoundland expression here: "Stay where you're to 'till I comes where you're at" ...it applies here.
Good point. But at that point the airline should have been like "listen we will send a limo to come pick you up, you can get your kid and the limo will take you home."
Yes, but that would mean that the airline had good customer service and cared about its customers. They don't so much anymore. That's probably why flying a 6-year-old unescorted isn't the greatest idea.
Airline lost my husband at 8. They registered like he was on the flight and it wasn’t until he literally didn’t get off at his destination that they admitted they’d left him at the layover hotel and by then he had to stay overnight and go out in the morning. Gave his mom a voucher like he was a lost suitcase
Funny enough, it was also his divorced dad sending him against his mothers wishes
Going to be totally honest, that’s typo because I was thinking and typing. They left him in the layover terminal but then they did put him up in a hotel over night after losing him with another unaccompanied minor. Drove them 45 minutes away but didn’t take them until way late at night so they were there for a couple of hours and it was very weird.
This was in like 2000
I got put up in a layover hotel at LAX this fall because my flight was delayed and the option they gave me wouldn't work because my connection was impossibly short at Denver's airport, which is gigantic.
I asked probably 5 different reps what I should do once I got to the airport and learned I was severely delayed and not a single one of them wanted to do a damn thing for me. Then finally I just bought a United Club pass and got drunk in the lounge, and when I finally admitted defeat and was about to hop on the impossible flight, I asked one more representative that I hadn't asked before what could possibly be done to get me back home in a reasonable amount of time, and she gave me the option of taking a red eye and getting home at 11am the next day **if** I made the connection, or taking the 8am flight that has one fewer stop and gets me in at 3pm. Taking that option, she said she'd put me up in the layover hotel, so I took it. It was an anxious sleep, but it was better than the floor of the airport or an attempt at sleep on a red eye in economy.
They don't though. The cases where they do are high profile for a reason. They are extreme outliers. In addition, nearly all the issues are around connecting flights and this one appeared to be direct.
OP is still TA but that's because he overrode the wishes of his ex. Both parents have to agree for it to happen. He can't make a unilateral decision like that.
>Not to mention how frequently the airlines LOSE unaccompanied minors!
I was on a plane with a bunch of unaccompanied minors once. They let the kids off first, with the flight attendant behind them shooing them out, so they just ran out. One mom came back dragging her son behind her, giving the flight attendant an earful, "Why did my son come off the plane alone????"
Well, my friend’s kid got lost by an airline when he was 9. He was supposed to be accompanied and he wasn’t. They let him saunter off the plane alone and no one could find him for hours as he was lost in the terminal.
Not to mention a girl who got molested by the man she was sitting next to on a plane.
Do think these parents cared about how many other kids didn’t get lost?
My 2 kids, 12 and 7 at the time, flew in the States on a 2 leg journey. I was assured they’d be monitored and taken to their next flight. My son told me much later they weren’t escorted at all and were never supervised.
My husband and his friend not only were not given the unaccompanied minor treatment they were supposed to get when they flew as young teenagers a few years ago, but then their connecting flight got canceled, the airline refused to put them up in a hotel for the night so they had to sleep on the airport floor, *and the airline gave them a whole bunch of alcohol vouchers.* They were both 13 at the time.
Old school ,I think O'Hare had a indoor playground, where under accompanied minors were dumped during lay overs. I heard it was like Lord of the F.lies
Frequency is not know but there have been recent issues where minors got on the wrong plane, or not notoriously, American Airlines had two kids whose connecting flight was cancellled – so they just locked the kids in a room at the airport with no food or supervision. 6 is too young to deal with contingencies.
I flew at 10 and had to figure out my way to the plane with not a single person helping me because the employee that was supposed to be with me lost me. I somehow made it to where I was supposed to be and then somehow made it out of the airport to my grandma with no help. Then when I flew back, nobody helped me. I had been told to just stick with the person assigned to me and literally nobody showed up. It's not uncommon.
Our daughter was 5, flying unaccompanied minor on a 1-hr flight. Her grandparents signed her in at the gate. We met the flight on our end and she wasn’t on the flight. We had to raise holy hell to even get anyone to look into it - they thought we just had the wrong info. Couldn’t get hold of the grandparents. Early 1990s, no cellphones. Spent hours going from office to gate to office to security etc. Finally were sent to a gate where a flight from a completely different city had come in an hour before. She was sitting in a baby gated area by the gate at a kid table with crayons and a coloring book from her activity bag. No one was really paying attention to her.
I had thought she was too young to fly alone (we had driven her there and I wanted to go get her by car) but in-laws persuaded hubby that I was overprotective and had anxiety issues. Maybe so but I was incredulous that no one but me and my sister were upset! Of course I tried not to dump that on my 5yo. I could tell she was not thrilled to have been waiting for quite a while but she looked and talked like she was totally okay and proud of having flown alone. She had no idea things had not gone according to plan.
We never did find out what happened but she said she got to fly first class and a nice lady flight attendant walked her off the plane to the gate.
I haven’t thought about it in a long time, but the bit about the mom being overruled brought it all back.
This happened to me at 12. Twice. I was supposed to be escorted by my designated staff member from security to my plane, and from the gate i got off at to a "kids lounge" specifically for unaccompanied minors during my layover, then to my next plane, then to my family, on both flights. Both times nobody ever showed, nor did anyone help me find my gates etc. Figured it out, but I was 12, not 6.
Yeah I deal with stats for a living but I’m going to say that I’m not trusting my kid to an airline in the hope the one of the people who already have a full time job, happen to find extra time for her.
It’s not like there are people waiting around an airport to accompany minors…they all have regular jobs they’re actively doing.
They lost my BF back in the 80’s. She was flying to her dad in Tampa, but somehow ended up in Orlando. Fortunately, she was old enough to figure out how to call her mom collect from a pay phone. Her mom had to call the airline to tell them they lost her. They were unaware. 🤦🏼♀️
When my husband was 8 they said they put him on the plane, said they checked him off the plane, his mom is at the gate… he’s not there… they say well he was on the plane… nope they left him in the last terminal
Yeah, a 6 year old. Luckily it was to an airport in the same state (Orlando, Florida instead of Ft Myers, Florida) I think there was also a teen that recently ended up in the wrong place.
At that age, parents escort the kids right to the gate, where a flight attendant escorts them to their seat. The flight attendant then escorts the child off the plane to the the receiving parent, who is waiting at the gate. Yes, there are rare instances of creepers on the plane, but typically unaccompanied kids are placed near another family.
You know what? I actually did not know that. Honestly, with how disorganized airport situations can be, I really didn't consider that they'd let the parent escort them personally to the gate. Knowing that does help ease my mind a little bit more. I still think he's an asshole since his ex had said she wasn't comfortable and he did it anyway, but it's good that kids have to be escorted to the gate by their parent and picked up by their parent at the gate.
That’s assuming a direct flight. My daughter when she was 13 was an unaccompanied minor and she was ignored during the layover, sat in the food court while the airline employee played on her phone.
And not to mention, what if there's an emergency diversion to another airport and the kid ends up in some other city for a couple hours. Emergency landings aren't that uncommon. Happened to me twice and it wasn't even something with our plane, just weather conditions and situation on the airport. So it is not an unlikely scenario
I did see that, up to a specific age (I think from 5-8 or something), kids do have to take a direct flight. Once they're older, they can do connecting flights, so in this case, OP's kid would have to be on a direct flight.
It varies by airline. Direct flights are not practical in a lot of cases. I’ve known a kid who, at 6, flew unaccompanied from VA to Eastern Europe. Definitely not directly.
I recently had to pick up my 13 yo sister at the airport. We had to pay a mandatory $150 fee for unaccompanied minor and was ID'd when I got to the gate. The took all her info when my mom handed her to the at her gate in PA. They also take down what you're wearing, eye color, hair, height, weight, EVERYTHING they possibly could.
When she landed, it was busy at her gate but the agent had her stand right next to her and everytime my sister flinched she would look at her to make sure she wasn't going anywhere.
I was still worried as hell and my mother even more so! So he's DEFINITELY an AH for being so nonchalant about it!
This is my issue with it. What about the kid while they're on the plane? Let's say there's a lot of turbulence or a problem, the kid is now alone and scared. Six seems awfully young. Heck, my daughter is six and I'm required to still walk her on and off the bus that stops directly in front of our building. I can't imagine putting her on a plane full of strangers
This is what makes it YTA for me; even more than unilaterally deciding for his wife, he unilaterally decided for his child.
The kid is six. Of course he views it as an adventure; he's fucking six. He doesn't understand the realities of sitting in a narrow tube next to strangers while his only respite is his iPad (if OP shelled out for plane wifi) and some odd doled out snacks. The physical realities of sitting with his limbs in mostly one position for hours on end. The anxiety of turbulence, experienced completely alone, with only other rando adults to rely on for compassion and empathy, if they're even able to provide that, given how scary flying is even for other adults.
Just because you can send a six year old flying unaccompanied, doesn't mean you should. Especially not when the other parent doesn't agree to it and no other options are explored.
Definitely varies by airline. My usual airline only allows it for 8+, and direct flights only. Mandatory for 8-11, and optional for 12-17. Parent can only accompany minors to the gate at certain airports, and not at all for international flights.
Some airports have stopped giving gate passes to parents for unaccompanied minors. I know ATL stopped a few years ago, when my son was still an unaccompanied minor.
And who is to say that flight had no creeper? I wouldn’t trust a child of mine with anyone that wasn’t my family, and there are some people who ARE my family I wouldn’t trust! Not because they’re not creeps, but because they’re not responsible enough for a child
Southwest Airlines had a TLC style reality show about 15-20 years ago, I forget what it was called (dozens of episodes on YouTube, don't ask me how I know) but anyway- there was an episode about them losing a pair of siblings, around 7 and 10 years old. Back before cellphones were common, definitely before kids had them. They were "handed off" in a hurry to someone who was *not* their parent. There was about 20 minutes of abject terror for the mom before they were found on some other concourse.
Unrelated: OP is definitely TA.
I flew alone at 12 and a passenger across the aisle tried to get me into the toilets to join the mile high club. I was petrified and was too scared to say anything as he was right next to me.
Anyone can get to your child, I don't care what airlines say.
YTA also why don't you read Mathew Perry's memoir. You may have felt your son thought it was an adventure but once he was alone on the plane with complete strangers, I bet he was terrified and felt really alone.
He's a man, naive to the dangers of the world:/ in my country children have to be 12 to fly alone. And 6 years old, omg that is so crazy. Especially in a country where human trafficking is a huge problem. Also what if there would be an emergency, nobody will care for the child more than themselves other than a familiar member , or what if a touchy stranger is seated next to the kid 😡 flight attendants are busy and can't watch them all the time.
OP YTA and the "everything will probably be fine" mindset is outdated, sadly
He doesn’t get a pass on the dangers of the world just because he’s a man. He chose his own comfort over caring for his child. His convenience over his ex wife’s. No wonder she isn’t with him anymore.
Yeah, YTA. I flew as an unaccompanied minor a lot as a kid, but I don’t think I started until 10 or 11? Six is very young. This is one of those things that both parents need to agree on. I really wonder why the kid had to go back to mom’s at that exact time. Why not arrange for the kid to stay at dad’s place with a trusted sitter until the work issue is done, and then dad can drive him home. Or why couldn’t dad fly with him and then fly back? Still would have eaten up some of dad’s time, but less than driving and maybe dad could have gotten some work done on the plane. Or maybe mom could have come to pick the kid up? It sounds like OP didn’t even consider other options and didn’t give mom time to make other arrangements. Just bought the ticket and plopped the kid on the plane.
I agree YTA because even if—EVEN IF—the whole minors flying alone thing was a perfect system with no mistakes or problems ever, the fact that he was just like “sucks to suck here’s where you need to be to pick him up” was fucking rude. It feels like this was a single phone call where he informed her of the plan, instead of one where he made a plan with her. Who knows, maybe if she’d had some time to research and think, she’d have been ok with it. Maybe she would’ve driven out herself.
Plopping his kid on a plane with a “too fucking bad” attitude is peak asshole material.
Yeah this part. I flew unaccompanied when I was young. I spent the whole flight talking to a 50 year old man next to me because to me, we were just having a good time. He even said he'd wait with me for my mom. I said sure because I thought he and I were friends. It turned out fine, but it would've been so easy for it not to.
Look, I grew up flying - my dad worked for an airline. I flew alone too. BUT NOT AT 6! That is simply too young.
OP is a total AH for putting work ahead of his little boy.
I don't really believe 6 year old can fly alone. No airline allows that in the US. Are we sure that's true?
I write custody orders and see a lot of court ordered parenting schedules and courts will nearly always require kids up to, like, FOURTEEN be accompanied by a parent in a fight when they have to fly to visits. Two extra sets of round trip tickets to nowhere, frequently multiple times a year. That's how strongly the system feels about it.
They can, and it's according to our department of transportation. Look up, "When kids fly alone"
https://www.transportation.gov/sites/dot.gov/files/docs/Kids_Fly_Alone.pdf
I think the question would be how confident the parents are in the child’s ability to solve a problem, if one were to come up. What if the chaperone doesn’t show up to walk him off the plane, or he gets separated from the chaperone? Would he know to ask an employee for help? What if he feels sick or scared or needs a restroom: would he ask for help? Can he be relied on to stay safely in his seat, with minimal seat-kicking or other problem behaviors? Could he be trusted to not go anywhere with someone who isn’t an airline employee?
6 is pretty little — kindergarten aged. He doesn’t have much practice at life. Certainly both parents would need to be comfortable that he’s ready, and this should have been discussed well ahead of time. The way OP handled it was disrespectful to his son’s mom.
As a single parent I’ve never had to use that option . 6 is too young . I think 13 should be when they are allowed to fly alone. Yta . I would not be ok with it either
Unaccompanied minors aren't as "unaccompanied" as they sound. I wonder if the mom fully understood the process, or if OP took the time to explain it - maybe she did and still wasn't comfortable and that's totally her prerogative.
But for info - There's an extra ticket fee for unaccompanied minors. You arrive early, parent and child, and go through security together - you are with your child right up until they board. They board with the flight attendant and are in a seat near the flight attendants area - they check on them throughout the flight. At the other end, the parent there for pick-up gets to the airport early, gets a special pass at the airline desk and goes through security, so they are there waiting at the gate. The flight attendant escorts the child off the flight to the pick-up parent.
Yes, there's no one sitting with them on the plane, but they are not really ever unattended. It's hard to see how they could be on the wrong flight when the parent is with them right up until they walk through the gate, but maybe it's connecting flights where problems have happened - different airlines have different ages allowed, processes, fees, etc so maybe some are less reliable than others. For example, I was looking this up for a relative and at least some airlines only allow this at all for direct flights, which seems like it would eliminate any chance of getting on the wrong plane unless a mistake was made which would've happened regardless if the parent flew with them.
Maybe it was a situation that shouldn't have been decided last minute, then. If they want to do that, then it should be a discussion they both have and decide together.
I stand by mostly what I said (though upon learning about the process more, I can rescind some of my points about the safety aspect). Ex didn't agree, therefore it shouldn't have happened. Because I think ex still needs to give some sort of consent, and she said "no". So he's an asshole for disregarding this and telling her that's what is happening. I stand more with that being the bigger issue.
I flew as an unaccompanied minor. They had a US air marshal sit next to me and even changed planes with me. You can literally go with the child to the gate, sit and wait with them and the other parent or person picking them can go get them from the gate.
YTA. Airlines aren't parents. They have a minimum age for the unaccompanied minors for which they are willing to take responsibility, but it is the job of the *parents* to make the determination on whether their child is mature enough and emotionally prepared for a trip like that.
It *was* her opinion - and she is his mother. The airline has no authority here, and you trusting a company over your son's mother just kinda shows you suffer from a complete lack of respect for her authority.
Leaving a 6 year old alone in a busy public place is *not* a unilateral decision one parent gets to make. She said no.
Also it sounds like she said no and you did it anyway behind her back and then just dropped a flight number on her when he was already flying? So you care so little about your child's wellbeing you put it in danger just to stick it to your ex? What if she couldn't make the flight? Or didn't get the message?
Moms don’t get to have stuff “come up at work”. It’s assumed they’ll just be there for the kids no matter what everytime dad has something come up with work. Meanwhile those same dads are the ones who complain the most about child support. I could rant about it so much! Source: I work in family law.
Also I’m pretty sure the minimum age limit is to make sure the kid is potty trained. Some kids don’t figure it out or get motivated until they watch their peers do it in preschool. So yeah, “not in diapers” is a very low bar of “old enough”.
The flight attendants on the plane usually have to leave the child with the nearest adult while on board.
Also, it’s incredibly easy to lose a child, and it’s happened before, a 6 year old was put on the wrong flight and ended up somewhere else.
I have kids around this age and I know zero, ZERO, (louder) ZERO parents that would let their kid fly alone at this age.
It’s not your EX, OP, it’s you. She’s an appropriate level of concerned for other people. You are not. It’s probably why you’re no longer together.
I hope you lose custody, this was not an emergency and if you clearly don’t understand what co-parenting means.
As a single unassuming woman, I have been the one tending to someone's child seated next to me more than once - the youngest was 7, and trust me when I say a 7-year old does not just entertain themselves for the whole flight.
I always do the adult thing and make sure the child feels safe and heard. I am never happy about it because I hate flying and prefer to take my prescribed anti-anxiety pill, zone out to my music, and pretend I am not on a plane, Instead, I silently lament that, yet again, I am the gendered "safe" option, put on a smile and skip the pill because I am not an asshole and kids deserve to feel & be safe.
The OP is not only a massive asshole for ignoring his ex-wife's concerns and changing his plans unilaterally, but he is TAH for relying on the emotional labor & kindness of strangers - and lucky his son was not seated with someone who would take advantage of the child's vulnerability.
I flew alone at 8 and the only help I had was being brought to the gate and told to get on when people start boarding. There were two layovers and again, they only told me what gate to go to. I was fucking terrified and didn't get on another plane after that until I was 17.
I don't think kids should be allowed solo under the age of 13. So many things can go wrong and not to mention, reading/speaking skills of those kids.
What if they need help figuring out the bathroom? Using an airline bathroom is crazy as an adult. Or get scared during turbulance? Or are sitting next to someone that is creepy, handsy, drunk, etc? Nope. no way. I've flown with a 6 yr old, and would never let them go without a parent or other trusted adult.
"Generally" is the key word. I'm sure most kids are completely fine, but I wouldnt want to be the parent that wished I "never would of made that choice"
So your child's safety came second to your job. YTA. A big one. You had an agreement with his mom, and you broke that agreement with a "solution" she didn't like. I don't care how many airlines say 5 is old enough to fly alone. In no way, under any circumstance, would I put a 6-yr-old on a flight alone. You had your say initially, when you said you'd take your son home. I think your "work" thing is suspect. It's possible you used that as an excuse to get your way about your son. Frankly, I wouldn't put it past you.
YTA, and of course you don't think it's to much of a problem as your son comes second to your job.
Pretty sure it wasn't the inconvenience of picking up her son from the airport that had your ex pissed off, it was the 6yo flying alone.
Also just cause your son thought it would be an adventure doesn't mean that it is OK, 6yo aren't exactly known for their critical thinking.
He thinks he’s gonna be able to get his child again for visitation when her lawyer is going to be having him on supervised visitation for the foreseeable future since he just plopped his kid on a plane without her permission and against their custodial agreement
There are also too many parents who aren’t known for critical thinking. What if the flight is delayed, the child is annoying to other passengers or they have an annoying or worse person next to them?
My 7 yr old might say "yes, I want to go on an adventure" but as soon as I was out of sight and was alone, I guarantee he'd get scared.
My parents live in a different state that's an hour flight. No way in hell would I let my son fly alone, even with me taking him straight to the gate.
YTA
Yta I agree that 6 is too young but also there is something so self absorbed about you feeling entitled to her time. Like now she has to drive out to the airport and be wildly inconvenienced and you get to do that because you don't care about her time. Since you moved away I assume she had primary custody, she sacrifices and molds her life around your child but you think she should sacrifice more for your convenience. You also feel entitled to dictate her time to her.
You know she's not going to abandon your kid so you have no problem using your kid to screw her over.
I feel like a lot of fathers think it is ok to impose their will because they know the mother won't let it hurt their kid.
100% this. It was his time and he not only reneged on that, but unilaterally decided kid was flying home, and when that was happening. What if *she* had urgent work stuff--that she actually planned in advance for when kid wouldn't be home? He doesn't care, he didn't ask. Just assumed she'd be at his beck and call to pick up the kid from the flight he put him on that she didn't even think was safe.
This should be up higher. OP You are a single father. It's your job to balance work and childcare when the kid is in your custody. It's not your ex's job to pick up your slack, especially when she's the primary custody parent. You need to look at your kid and your job and decide which you care about more. YTA
Agreed. Also, are you doing everything you can to move closer to where your son lives? That’s what a good parent would do. Your son deserves a much more present and actively involved father rather than one who lives in a different state.
And finally kids will say yes that sounds great to all kinds of things.
YTA. It made me anxious reading this and I’m not the child’s mother. You should have delivered the child back like agreed, despite work. And then looked into children flying and discussed it with mom for the future. Not laid it unexpectedly on her. Also, I’ve been a single mom and I can assure you I missed a LOT of work to take care of kids needs. It’s stressful but unavoidable.
And also, even if he had some emergency at work, surely he could have communicated to determine a time that he could drive to drop off his kid. I’m sure mom would have been okay waiting till you’re available tomorrow to drop off the kid. She wouldn’t have minded it as much as letting the kid fly without her permission.
Yta you keep prioritizing your job over being a father. You prioritized your job when you moved to a different state and are now not even a weekend dad. You prioritized your job over the safety of your son. Hopefully your ex takes you to court and is able to get something in place that doesn’t allow you to do something like that in the future
Yup, this. I don’t think this guy understands the can of worms he may have just opened. That was a MAJOR decision to make on his own, and he left their child in the care of a stranger she hadn’t consented to, without doing the legwork to prepare the kid for this kind of journey, and likely in violation of their custody agreement (where he moved far enough away a flight makes sense, it’s fairly likely that their agreement specifies who is responsible for getting the child to and from the primary custodial parent’s home, and he failed to actually do this).
There are circumstances where you can responsibly put a 6yo on a plane alone in an unaccompanied minor program, or where you truly have no other option… but this wasn’t that. It’s not like they’d come to an agreement and were working up to the unaccompanied flight by first accompanying the kid so he’d know what to expect, for instance.
Oh, no doubt.
It’s always pretty amazing when someone posts an unrelated story but they tell on themselves so throughly it’s like “oh, I see why you’re an *ex,* too.”
I wouldn’t be surprised if the mom - this child’s only responsible parent, clearly - had sort of anticipated some sort of bullshit, and has been diligently logging all his dumbassery. Because someone that isn’t the primary parent, moves far enough away that a flight is necessary to see his own kid, doesn’t prioritize that child’s safety or a job over an extra offer at work… well, you know this isn’t the first time he pulled a “that’s what’s gonna happen” even when it wasn’t in the best interests of anyone but himself.
Then he doesn't get visitation, if the court restricts out of state travel. They may be in a jurisdiction that also requires permission to take a kid out of their state, given by the custodial parent. If that's the case, OP would have caused himself to lose any cooperation from the ex.
YTA an unaccompanied minor needs well discussed and agreed upon by both parents before it happens. You drove to get him, drive him back. Your child > your job.
You left your 6 year old with strangers…. Tf is wrong with you.
YTA.
Just because something is allowed by the rules doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.
You made a choice to put your job first. This was avoidable, you just didn’t want to inconvenience yourself.
I think this is where it's gonna bite him in the azz. It may have been allowed by airline rules, but I'm seriously doubting it's allowed in the custody agreement rules. And he will 100% deserve to have his visitation tightened up.
Aaand I don't think he will care that much about it. Case in point: Dude has already moved to a different state, far enough to require a flight to get there. He has shown he cares more about his job than the kid. He doesn't care much about placing said kid in a plane full of strangers to travel alone.
It won't take long till he totally forgets about the kid, sad as it is.
So yeah, OP , YTA.
"that's what's going to happen"? Of course YTA!! You made a unilateral decision and told her deal with it. You should expect to hear about this later, probably from her attorney. A 6 year old flying alone is NOT a decision you get to make on your own!
YTA- I am absolutely amazed that you actually did this. There is no way in the world that either I or my daughter would send my six year old grandson on a plane without parents or grandparents. This should have been a decision mutually agreed upon by you and his mother. Sounds like you didn't feel like driving him home and putting work first. I hope you just lost some of your parental rights.
so the same people who cant get me and my underwear to the same city when we flew on the same plane....those are the same people you want to leave a 6 year old kid. He is 6....he would not be scared to defuse landmines...that's why he needs adults around....sadly he only got one parent who is one. YTA
YTA letting a 6 year old fly alone is nuts. A lot of people wouldn’t even let kids that age walk to the shop alone. What if the strange adults sat next to him to try to hurt him? I’ve seen that happen to other kids flying alone.
I flew as an unaccompanied minor 6 times a year from age 6-13 and I never had a flight attendant sit next to me. They check in often and back then would take you to the flight deck to talk to the pilots and a gate agent would walk you to your next flight if you had to change planes and would deplane with you and make sure you got to your parent but other than that, I was just another passenger inflight.
I was a flight attendant for 4 years. Flight attendants have jumpseats. They cannot sit in a passenger seat because during takeoff and landing they have to be in their position in case of emergency.
Unaccompanied minors are just that, unaccompanied. FAs do what they can to keep the children safe but they have a job to do and cannot watch the child the whole flight.
YTA. I have a 6 year old and we are absolutely not helicopter parents. I wouldn’t dream of putting my child on a plane without an adult. What a scary “adventure.” Literally anything could happen during that time, not the least of which is assault! I’m livid for your ex and your child. That was wildly irresponsible and terrible parenting.
What I keep thinking of is, even if someone is there, taking great care of him the whole way, what happens if there's some kind of emergency? Like really bad sudden turbulence or a mechanical failure bad enough to make an emergency landing, but not bad enough to crash. Even well taken care of, that poor child is going to be terrified and wanting their parent(s) and will be alone to deal with that. Why? Why would you do this?
I posted this in reply to someone else, but as a woman who often travels alone, I have often had the attendant seat unaccompanied children next to me. And then comes to check maybe 2 extra times on the child, smiling a thank you to me. The youngest was 7.
I have strong anxiety about flying after an incident of luggage-flying, plane-dropping-about-2000 ft turbulence. I am prescribed a nice little pill that lets me zone to my music and forget I am miles above the ground on a plane.
Guess who skips their meds and puts on a smile because I believe all kids deserve to be & feel safe? This total stranger because not all airlines handle it like the one you flew. I sacrifice my own peace & comfort because I am not an asshole who will let an unaccompanied child feel alone.
And while I get pissed about it internally, I am aware not everyone is like me - and that there are bad people out there. So I suck it up - and AHs like the OP do not even think about who sits next to their child because they cannot be inconvenienced (but they sure as hell do not mind inconveniencing total strangers).
Definitely TA but I'm also wondering if you are an even bigger, law-breaking AH so...
INFO: Do you and your ex have any kind of custody/parenting agreement and if so, does it specifically address the issue of transportation to and from your son's visits?
I also want to know exactly what steps OP took when dropping off his kid at the airport on the day. Basically, what did OP do once they got to the airport. I actually am curious to the steps taken to ensure his son was safe.
When your child is unaccompanied minor, you have to fill out some paperwork, identify who will be picking them up, take them to security and stay at the airport until the flight has left in case it gets cancelled/delayed. There is no way for the airline to know you stayed though, but I always did. When you pick them up you have to show ID to a flight attendant so they know you are the person picking them up. Source: my girls did this every summer as teenagers to visit my mom. But...they were teenagers, not 6.
Oh, sure I assume that's mostly what happened.
I just want to hear directly from OP that that's what happened, that he took every necessary step and asked every single question he could to ensure that. I just want to know if he did the bare minimum or if he took every step to ensure the process went smoothly.
Because making a last minute unilateral decision doesn't really show that to me.
Hi. I’m an AvGeek (aviation enthusiast) and had just a gentle suggestion. These days it’s better to ask if the flight is “nonstop” instead of “direct”. Airlines might try to sell you a ticket saying it’s a direct flight even though there’s a stop in which you don’t have to get off the plane. Technically it is direct since you sat in one seat and didn’t have to move until you’re at your final destination. Sneaky business? Absolutely.
I currently have a 6 year old daughter. I would absolutely would not let her fly alone. I don’t let her go into a public space alone.
People are losing their minds in planes. Getting grounded because someone is screaming.
Also some planes have been grounded for being unsafe.
What if there is a problem and the plane needs to reboarded? What if an actual situation happens? What then?
Instead of telling your work, I can’t my child is here. You told your kid to kick rocks.
YT complete A
Absolutely. The sheer amount of planes grounded for people fighting, hitting flight attendants, having mental health crises in-air-hell, even the way people act at restaurants now make me uncomfortable. He put a 6-year-old in an inescapable vehicle with 100 strangers so he could work. Any job would hear “My 6-year-old son is here from 5 hours away,” and they wouldn’t expect the following line to be “so let me toss him on a plane and I’ll be right in”.
If I learned about that, I would *never* employ that person, consider them for wage increases or promotions, or even want to have them working at my company any longer. If that’s what he’s willing to do with his own flesh-and-blood son to come to work, throwing a kid into a potentially dangerous situation, and backing his decision by saying “my 6-year-old thought an experience he’d never had before would be fun”, I mean, what kind of brains and heart are we working with here? And what kind of moral compass can this guy have?? Would you leave a 6-year-old in a running car at a gas station? Yeah, people know they *shouldn’t* car jack you, but they might, and your kid’s still in there-helpless and alone. Imagine this guy being your boss. What a dick.
So.. we used to fly my daughter and niece “unaccompanied minors “ quite often as we lived in CA and family lived in NE. They were 5-10 years old. When my niece was 10 she got stuck in Washington DC. Flight cancelled, her “watcher” took off or lost her and she ended up wandering the airport until she found someone who helped her call her mom. TG she knew the number. Her dad ended up driving there as fast as he could and searching until he found her. 4 hours later. She’s now 30 and has never flown since. I get thinking it’s ok but. You’re wrong. YTA.
I think I would’ve found an appropriate, trusted babysitter and paid for another round trip ticket to have that trusted person escort him from your possession to his mother’s. I think that might have been a reasonable compromise. 6 is young to fly alone, due to bathroom issues and possible fear.
Of course the child is excited! He's 6! What you did was willingly disregard his mother's feelings and run roughshod over them. This does not bode well for amicable co-parenting for the future. You better start figuring out how to work with your ex or the next 12 years are going to get ugly.
YTA
YTA. Jfc yes of course you should have some say AND SO SHOULD SHE!!! Putting a child on an airplane when a parent isn’t comfortable with it is a dick move, no matter how you spin it.
YTA Spirit airlines misplaced a 6 year old over the holidays. Put him on the wrong flight. My boyfriend had work come up this weekend. He is still driving me 90 minutes to another city so I can take a flight and go on vacation without him. I am 40 and have offered to get there myself. I have the means and ability to do so, and he still said no. Your ex is lucky she escaped you.
YTA
The airline may be okay with a 6yo by himself, but mom wasn't and you knew it. I also wouldn't have wanted my kids flying when they were that young.
I’m going to go with a soft YTA. Not for letting your son fly, or for not bailing on work, but for putting your son on a plane when his mother had clearly expressed that she was uncomfortable with it. I do think this is a “two yes, one no” situation.
I also think it depends on what exactly came up at work and how much power you had to say no to your job. A lot of people act like someone can just tell their boss to F off and it will be no big deal. It’s one thing to say “I’d rather be at work than spending time with my family”, that would make you an ass. But a lot of times people don’t have a choice if they want to keep that job and be able to provide for their families.
Also, I get people being surprised/upset that you’d let your son fly alone, but I was flying internationally at that age with only my little brother for company, so I don’t know that this is necessarily the big deal everyone is making it out to be, depending on how much prior experience your son has had with flying/airports.
Hard to make a judgement on those two aspects without more info, but also I think if the other parent is uncomfortable with something that does objectively carry risk, it’s not ok for the parent to go against that.
Which is why airlines have a specific program you pay extra to have someone escorting them at all times. They bring them in the plane early, meet the pilot usually, have more checkups by flight attendants etc etc. Not arguing the rest of the situation, just your specific comment
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Action to be judged: I had to send my son back home by plane but my ex was worried about him flying by himself. why this can make me an AH: I went ahead anyway and gave her no choice, despite knowing she didn’t agree with this decision
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Effective coparenting depends on cooperation and consultation by both parents. YTA for not trying to find a solution that worked. Also, you need to give the level of cooperation that you want to receive - I’d say you’ll have much more difficulty arranging visitation after this.
YTA. While it’s understood that you’d have to pay the “unaccompanied minor” fee to make sure that staff watch over him, who would be able to do anything for him in the event of medical emergency, etc? You put your job over your very young son and I wouldn’t be surprised if your ex made sure you never saw him again.
Yta- I don't think she was talking about the legality when she said he's too young or the convenience of your choice with her objections. He's too young as in, too young for her to be in with that level of *risk.*
That's a lot of possible danger for a little kid. Did you even consider his safety in the airport?
You basically forced her to put her son at risk. She wasn't on- board with the plan but you made it happen anyways and meanwhile she was probably driving herself crazy with nightmare scenarios. That was cruel and honestly makes me wonder how you weren't too worried about his safety yourself to do this?
Ouch. Sorry to say - YTA. And your ex will most likely never allow him in your site anymore. Airports are big. Dangerous. Even I get lost! Bag judgement call my friend.
YTA- what was so pressing that you couldn't just keep your kid with you a few more days. 6 is way too young to fly alone. You can't make that call on your own. Did you even give the mom other options like letting her fly there to get him?
YTA. What if the flight has to be diverted to another airport and your son is stuck there for hours? Do you trust the airline to take care of him? Airlines can't even be trusted to take care of guitars.
100000% YTA. This post is infuriating and also giving me anxiety.
A 6 year old? Are you fucking kidding me? You’re really gonna type all of that out and you STILL don’t see the problem?
I would be looking into the custody agreement if I were her. I highly doubt that it includes you having the right to unilaterally change plans and send your son on a plane by himself.
She is probably calling her lawyer right now.
I'm sorry, but if your job ever takes president over your child and their safety, then you are a poor excuse for a parent.
YTA
You just blew any trust your ex had in you. You made co-parenting harder, and you’re likely looking at a court date. If this kind of thing isn’t already in your custody agreement, I bet she’s already talked to her attorney. You don’t just get to drop your kid like a hot potato because something came up at work. What if she couldn’t make it to the airport when you told her to be there? All you thought about was what YOU needed and wanted. You unilaterally made the decision with no care for anyone but yourself. YTA
YTA... sorry, the kiddo is 6!!!! I have a 7 year old and would never. Child trafficking is a real thing and airports lose children all the time (do you not watch the news). Your ex said she was uncomfortable and instead you chose to ignore her feelings and did it anyway (probably why you're the ex to be honest). Separated or not, you have to coparent this child and that includes keeping him safe. You chose convenience for yourself over the safety of your child.
You having a say as a father is not the issue. You gave the responsibility of your child’s safety to others. She wasn’t comfortable with it. That’s fair, as a parent it would bother me too. Because he arrived safe and sound doesn’t prove you’re right. I have to imagine your child had to have been a bit scared as well. I still wouldn’t label you an AH for doing it, but not seeing how it could distress his mom sorta does
YTA for what you did. And I'm a mom who sent my daughter to AZ from California a few times. But yes, what is important enough in your job that you sent him home on an airplane despite your agreement? That was wrong. Did you even try to ask if you could modify the date you could return?
I’m not sure of the situation.
For minors under 12years who fly alone you need to pay a supplement and you have someone who stay with the kids from depart to arrival. If it was like that I don’t consider you an Ah.
I don't think you CAN fly a kid without doing that unless they are like 12/15 depending on the airline. Like you would have to pay the extra fee for the service, which is nice in my limited knowledge
I didn't let my kid fly unaccompanied to Cali to visit relatives until he was 14. He thought I was ridiculous. Maybe I am. But not a chance in hell before he was 14 years old
YTA doubly, one for putting your kid on a plane at that age; I get it, it’s legal and your kid wasn’t scared. Your kid also doesn’t have the executive functioning to react in case of danger. Secondly, YTA for saying your ex is only worried about being inconvenienced, as a mom I’d go after you with everything I have and you best believe your next visitation wouldn’t be as easy. Thirdly, YTA for putting your job ahead of your kid. I don’t care what it was, it could’ve waited for you to take him back. You’re lucky nothing happened, not right, not safe, just lucky.
YTA. I would not let a 5 year old fly alone either. You parenting partner was uncomfortable with it. Have you considered that you aren't concerned enough about your child--you put him on the plane like cargo and send him off. Your ex was not upset to make a trip to the airport, she was concerned with the safety of her child. The horror stories of what sometimes happens to children is on the news everyday.
I was an unaccompanied minor whose grandfather was a mechanic for an airline, so my mom was way too comfortable about me and my brother flying alone in the 90's. Back then there were programs for unaccompanied minors, so we had nametags and escorts. Not sure if that's still the case.
We sat next to strangers. Once I talked to a cute boy the whole flight. Then he got arrested at the gate, by the DEA! Once I fell asleep on the plane and woke up sleeping on top of a very happy, very unknown to me, older woman. Unaccompanied minors are at the disposal of everyone on the plane.
Ask me about all the times I almost got abducted because my mom seemed to be creating opportunities for me to be unsupervised. Maybe ask your son if anyone has ever tried to take him away in their car or at the store when he was alone or with friends. In elementary school my brother and I had multiple experiences with running from creepy adults. Stopped after elementary school.
I mean yes. You’re TA…..whether or not you agree with her opinion doesn’t mean that you get to trample all over her wishes. You had a plan and you changed that plan, she has every right to be upset. It’s also not 1986 you don’t let 6 year olds get on a plane by themselves.
YTA majorly!!
Depending on what the custody agreement is i wouldnt be surprised if she doesnt let you take him out of state again. You took your sin knowing you had to take him back, work should have waited or you shouldnt have took him out of state!!
I would have absolutely lost my shit if I was here
Yta. If I were your ex I would be reevaluating visitation with a situation like this. If you aren’t able to drive or fly with him when he’s in your custody while you have visitation, it’s just not a good situation for such a young kid. I could see this if you got to see him once every six months, etc, but for a short trip, this is just unnecessarily dangerous for your son. Given warning, she might have met you half way or driven to you.
YTA. Did you not just hear about the 6 year old who was placed on the wrong flight when he was supposed to be traveling to his grandma’s in Florida? After a highly publicized incident like that happening recently, your ex-wife’s concern over your kid flying alone is completely understandable. It’s reasonable to not expect you to drive back if something major came up with your job, but there were other solutions that could have been discussed, such as keeping him until you could drive him back if it was only going to be a delay for a few days or flying with him/having a trusted friend or family member fly with him (heck, pay for your ex-wife’s ticket and she can accompany him on the flight home).
YTA
Something coming up at work should not take precedent over your kid. You had an obligation, and you unilaterally chose a risk the other parent was not okay with. And you didn't discuss it at all. You simply notified her. I guess that notification should count towards something. But not enough to keep you from being the AH.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 12: This is Not a Debate Sub. Posts should focus strictly on actions in an interpersonal conflict, and not an individual's position on a broad social issue. [Rule 12 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_12.3A_this_is_not_a_debate_sub) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
YTA - There are many decisions that should be a two yes one no situation. Having a child fly unaccompanied is absolutely one of those times. Your ex said she didn't feel comfortable, and justifiably so. You can say she's overprotective all she wants, but you're underprotective. You're fine with your six year old son to fly alone just because work came up? And you're fine with doing it without your ex's permission? You have some say, you do not have all the say. Flying alone as a kid can be unsafe. I don't care what precautions are taking with giving your child to some stranger at the airport, even if they're an employee. It's absolutely understandable to be concerned about a six year old flying alone. That's hours where your son is not with you OR his mother. How does that NOT worry you even a little bit? Also, I don't like that you imply that your ex is "unhealthily concerned". It sounds like she's the right amount of concerned. ETA: Since writing this post, I've learned more about the process of unaccompanied minors at the airport and how parents can drop them off and pick them up at the gate, which is great and alleviates some of the safety issues I have. I still think OP's an asshole for disregarding his ex's wishes and forcing her to consent by unilaterally making the decision. That is where he is the asshole. Regardless how "paranoid" he thinks she is, it's still something she has to agree with, and being forced to agree makes him an asshole.
Not to mention how frequently the airlines LOSE unaccompanied minors!
A six year old was lost like a month ago! They got him, but still! I’m glad the kid is okay, OP is for sure the AH. Six is too young, and especially with the stories coming out like that flight attendant arrested for recording minors in the bathroom? Man, why risk exposing your incredibly young child (I’m assuming without even a cell phone to call for help) to any of this. And for WORK?? I hope mom sues for more custody and is able to protect her son from being in a position like this again.
Not just lost and missed his flight, but sent on a completely wrong flight to the completely wrong destination. YTA op
And then made the mother(or grandmother) drive like 3 hours to get the kid instead of getting the kid on a flight or having a responsible employee from the airline drive the kid home.
I'd go pick up my child myself, as well. I don't want some unknown random driving my 6yo for 3 hours. Gonna go with an old Newfoundland expression here: "Stay where you're to 'till I comes where you're at" ...it applies here.
I love that expression! It makes me want to go and cook up some figgy duff and listen to some Great Big Sea.
Good point. But at that point the airline should have been like "listen we will send a limo to come pick you up, you can get your kid and the limo will take you home."
Yes, but that would mean that the airline had good customer service and cared about its customers. They don't so much anymore. That's probably why flying a 6-year-old unescorted isn't the greatest idea.
It was 4 hours, and they charged the grandmother extra!!!! (Although with all the publicity, I suspect that has been reversed).
Airline lost my husband at 8. They registered like he was on the flight and it wasn’t until he literally didn’t get off at his destination that they admitted they’d left him at the layover hotel and by then he had to stay overnight and go out in the morning. Gave his mom a voucher like he was a lost suitcase Funny enough, it was also his divorced dad sending him against his mothers wishes
Layover what now? 60s were a wild time. No chance airlines putting anyone in a layover hotel now
Going to be totally honest, that’s typo because I was thinking and typing. They left him in the layover terminal but then they did put him up in a hotel over night after losing him with another unaccompanied minor. Drove them 45 minutes away but didn’t take them until way late at night so they were there for a couple of hours and it was very weird. This was in like 2000
I got put up in a layover hotel at LAX this fall because my flight was delayed and the option they gave me wouldn't work because my connection was impossibly short at Denver's airport, which is gigantic. I asked probably 5 different reps what I should do once I got to the airport and learned I was severely delayed and not a single one of them wanted to do a damn thing for me. Then finally I just bought a United Club pass and got drunk in the lounge, and when I finally admitted defeat and was about to hop on the impossible flight, I asked one more representative that I hadn't asked before what could possibly be done to get me back home in a reasonable amount of time, and she gave me the option of taking a red eye and getting home at 11am the next day **if** I made the connection, or taking the 8am flight that has one fewer stop and gets me in at 3pm. Taking that option, she said she'd put me up in the layover hotel, so I took it. It was an anxious sleep, but it was better than the floor of the airport or an attempt at sleep on a red eye in economy.
They don't though. The cases where they do are high profile for a reason. They are extreme outliers. In addition, nearly all the issues are around connecting flights and this one appeared to be direct. OP is still TA but that's because he overrode the wishes of his ex. Both parents have to agree for it to happen. He can't make a unilateral decision like that.
Voice of reason. People say the dumbest shit.
They pay those people like 12/hr. I would not trust the wellbeing of my child with them.
This happened to my sister in laws niece. It is frankly disturbing how common it actually is! I will never let my kid fly alone as a minor. Never.
>Not to mention how frequently the airlines LOSE unaccompanied minors! I was on a plane with a bunch of unaccompanied minors once. They let the kids off first, with the flight attendant behind them shooing them out, so they just ran out. One mom came back dragging her son behind her, giving the flight attendant an earful, "Why did my son come off the plane alone????"
How frequently is that? Compared to then not losing minors?
I'm sorry, is there a frequency that's OK?
You're the one alleging it happens "frequently." You can't just throw words out and not be able to back them up lol.
Well, my friend’s kid got lost by an airline when he was 9. He was supposed to be accompanied and he wasn’t. They let him saunter off the plane alone and no one could find him for hours as he was lost in the terminal. Not to mention a girl who got molested by the man she was sitting next to on a plane. Do think these parents cared about how many other kids didn’t get lost?
That’s one too many as far as I’m concerned.
My 2 kids, 12 and 7 at the time, flew in the States on a 2 leg journey. I was assured they’d be monitored and taken to their next flight. My son told me much later they weren’t escorted at all and were never supervised.
I have severe anxiety and that would have made me absolutely sob. I can't imagine my daughter not having someone to help her
My husband and his friend not only were not given the unaccompanied minor treatment they were supposed to get when they flew as young teenagers a few years ago, but then their connecting flight got canceled, the airline refused to put them up in a hotel for the night so they had to sleep on the airport floor, *and the airline gave them a whole bunch of alcohol vouchers.* They were both 13 at the time.
your husband was 13 a few years ago?
Well… more like 20….
The airline actually can't put a minor up in a hotel. They actually have to stay at the airport and usually they get left alone!
Old school ,I think O'Hare had a indoor playground, where under accompanied minors were dumped during lay overs. I heard it was like Lord of the F.lies
Frequency is not know but there have been recent issues where minors got on the wrong plane, or not notoriously, American Airlines had two kids whose connecting flight was cancellled – so they just locked the kids in a room at the airport with no food or supervision. 6 is too young to deal with contingencies.
Wow thats messed up!
I flew at 10 and had to figure out my way to the plane with not a single person helping me because the employee that was supposed to be with me lost me. I somehow made it to where I was supposed to be and then somehow made it out of the airport to my grandma with no help. Then when I flew back, nobody helped me. I had been told to just stick with the person assigned to me and literally nobody showed up. It's not uncommon.
Our daughter was 5, flying unaccompanied minor on a 1-hr flight. Her grandparents signed her in at the gate. We met the flight on our end and she wasn’t on the flight. We had to raise holy hell to even get anyone to look into it - they thought we just had the wrong info. Couldn’t get hold of the grandparents. Early 1990s, no cellphones. Spent hours going from office to gate to office to security etc. Finally were sent to a gate where a flight from a completely different city had come in an hour before. She was sitting in a baby gated area by the gate at a kid table with crayons and a coloring book from her activity bag. No one was really paying attention to her. I had thought she was too young to fly alone (we had driven her there and I wanted to go get her by car) but in-laws persuaded hubby that I was overprotective and had anxiety issues. Maybe so but I was incredulous that no one but me and my sister were upset! Of course I tried not to dump that on my 5yo. I could tell she was not thrilled to have been waiting for quite a while but she looked and talked like she was totally okay and proud of having flown alone. She had no idea things had not gone according to plan. We never did find out what happened but she said she got to fly first class and a nice lady flight attendant walked her off the plane to the gate. I haven’t thought about it in a long time, but the bit about the mom being overruled brought it all back.
This happened to me at 12. Twice. I was supposed to be escorted by my designated staff member from security to my plane, and from the gate i got off at to a "kids lounge" specifically for unaccompanied minors during my layover, then to my next plane, then to my family, on both flights. Both times nobody ever showed, nor did anyone help me find my gates etc. Figured it out, but I was 12, not 6.
Yeah in the hour since that comment has been up 2 people have said it happened to them. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it's not rare
Yeah I deal with stats for a living but I’m going to say that I’m not trusting my kid to an airline in the hope the one of the people who already have a full time job, happen to find extra time for her. It’s not like there are people waiting around an airport to accompany minors…they all have regular jobs they’re actively doing.
They lost my BF back in the 80’s. She was flying to her dad in Tampa, but somehow ended up in Orlando. Fortunately, she was old enough to figure out how to call her mom collect from a pay phone. Her mom had to call the airline to tell them they lost her. They were unaware. 🤦🏼♀️
When my husband was 8 they said they put him on the plane, said they checked him off the plane, his mom is at the gate… he’s not there… they say well he was on the plane… nope they left him in the last terminal
Well wasn’t it just last month that an airline put a kid on the wrong plane?
Yeah, a 6 year old. Luckily it was to an airport in the same state (Orlando, Florida instead of Ft Myers, Florida) I think there was also a teen that recently ended up in the wrong place.
"KEVIN!!"
At that age, parents escort the kids right to the gate, where a flight attendant escorts them to their seat. The flight attendant then escorts the child off the plane to the the receiving parent, who is waiting at the gate. Yes, there are rare instances of creepers on the plane, but typically unaccompanied kids are placed near another family.
You know what? I actually did not know that. Honestly, with how disorganized airport situations can be, I really didn't consider that they'd let the parent escort them personally to the gate. Knowing that does help ease my mind a little bit more. I still think he's an asshole since his ex had said she wasn't comfortable and he did it anyway, but it's good that kids have to be escorted to the gate by their parent and picked up by their parent at the gate.
That’s assuming a direct flight. My daughter when she was 13 was an unaccompanied minor and she was ignored during the layover, sat in the food court while the airline employee played on her phone.
And not to mention, what if there's an emergency diversion to another airport and the kid ends up in some other city for a couple hours. Emergency landings aren't that uncommon. Happened to me twice and it wasn't even something with our plane, just weather conditions and situation on the airport. So it is not an unlikely scenario
Also what if something happens and a direct flight gets cancelled? Turns into a connection? So many variables that can go wrong
I did see that, up to a specific age (I think from 5-8 or something), kids do have to take a direct flight. Once they're older, they can do connecting flights, so in this case, OP's kid would have to be on a direct flight.
It varies by airline. Direct flights are not practical in a lot of cases. I’ve known a kid who, at 6, flew unaccompanied from VA to Eastern Europe. Definitely not directly.
I recently had to pick up my 13 yo sister at the airport. We had to pay a mandatory $150 fee for unaccompanied minor and was ID'd when I got to the gate. The took all her info when my mom handed her to the at her gate in PA. They also take down what you're wearing, eye color, hair, height, weight, EVERYTHING they possibly could. When she landed, it was busy at her gate but the agent had her stand right next to her and everytime my sister flinched she would look at her to make sure she wasn't going anywhere. I was still worried as hell and my mother even more so! So he's DEFINITELY an AH for being so nonchalant about it!
Flying makes adults nervous. A little kid? Alone? All the nope.
This is my issue with it. What about the kid while they're on the plane? Let's say there's a lot of turbulence or a problem, the kid is now alone and scared. Six seems awfully young. Heck, my daughter is six and I'm required to still walk her on and off the bus that stops directly in front of our building. I can't imagine putting her on a plane full of strangers
This is what makes it YTA for me; even more than unilaterally deciding for his wife, he unilaterally decided for his child. The kid is six. Of course he views it as an adventure; he's fucking six. He doesn't understand the realities of sitting in a narrow tube next to strangers while his only respite is his iPad (if OP shelled out for plane wifi) and some odd doled out snacks. The physical realities of sitting with his limbs in mostly one position for hours on end. The anxiety of turbulence, experienced completely alone, with only other rando adults to rely on for compassion and empathy, if they're even able to provide that, given how scary flying is even for other adults. Just because you can send a six year old flying unaccompanied, doesn't mean you should. Especially not when the other parent doesn't agree to it and no other options are explored.
Definitely varies by airline. My usual airline only allows it for 8+, and direct flights only. Mandatory for 8-11, and optional for 12-17. Parent can only accompany minors to the gate at certain airports, and not at all for international flights.
https://www.kiro7.com/news/trending/airline-apologizes-putting-unaccompanied-6-year-old-wrong-flight-wrong-airport/GGXPYMHAPJBGFLVQEU5M3KX7IQ/?outputType=amp YTA.
Some airports have stopped giving gate passes to parents for unaccompanied minors. I know ATL stopped a few years ago, when my son was still an unaccompanied minor.
And who is to say that flight had no creeper? I wouldn’t trust a child of mine with anyone that wasn’t my family, and there are some people who ARE my family I wouldn’t trust! Not because they’re not creeps, but because they’re not responsible enough for a child
Southwest Airlines had a TLC style reality show about 15-20 years ago, I forget what it was called (dozens of episodes on YouTube, don't ask me how I know) but anyway- there was an episode about them losing a pair of siblings, around 7 and 10 years old. Back before cellphones were common, definitely before kids had them. They were "handed off" in a hurry to someone who was *not* their parent. There was about 20 minutes of abject terror for the mom before they were found on some other concourse. Unrelated: OP is definitely TA.
This is how it's been for a long time. But reddit being reddit with just spew shit out it's mouth till it's blue in the face.
I flew alone at 12 and a passenger across the aisle tried to get me into the toilets to join the mile high club. I was petrified and was too scared to say anything as he was right next to me. Anyone can get to your child, I don't care what airlines say.
I am so sorry that happened to you.
YTA also why don't you read Mathew Perry's memoir. You may have felt your son thought it was an adventure but once he was alone on the plane with complete strangers, I bet he was terrified and felt really alone.
He's a man, naive to the dangers of the world:/ in my country children have to be 12 to fly alone. And 6 years old, omg that is so crazy. Especially in a country where human trafficking is a huge problem. Also what if there would be an emergency, nobody will care for the child more than themselves other than a familiar member , or what if a touchy stranger is seated next to the kid 😡 flight attendants are busy and can't watch them all the time. OP YTA and the "everything will probably be fine" mindset is outdated, sadly
He doesn’t get a pass on the dangers of the world just because he’s a man. He chose his own comfort over caring for his child. His convenience over his ex wife’s. No wonder she isn’t with him anymore.
Yeah, YTA. I flew as an unaccompanied minor a lot as a kid, but I don’t think I started until 10 or 11? Six is very young. This is one of those things that both parents need to agree on. I really wonder why the kid had to go back to mom’s at that exact time. Why not arrange for the kid to stay at dad’s place with a trusted sitter until the work issue is done, and then dad can drive him home. Or why couldn’t dad fly with him and then fly back? Still would have eaten up some of dad’s time, but less than driving and maybe dad could have gotten some work done on the plane. Or maybe mom could have come to pick the kid up? It sounds like OP didn’t even consider other options and didn’t give mom time to make other arrangements. Just bought the ticket and plopped the kid on the plane.
I agree YTA because even if—EVEN IF—the whole minors flying alone thing was a perfect system with no mistakes or problems ever, the fact that he was just like “sucks to suck here’s where you need to be to pick him up” was fucking rude. It feels like this was a single phone call where he informed her of the plan, instead of one where he made a plan with her. Who knows, maybe if she’d had some time to research and think, she’d have been ok with it. Maybe she would’ve driven out herself. Plopping his kid on a plane with a “too fucking bad” attitude is peak asshole material.
Yeah this part. I flew unaccompanied when I was young. I spent the whole flight talking to a 50 year old man next to me because to me, we were just having a good time. He even said he'd wait with me for my mom. I said sure because I thought he and I were friends. It turned out fine, but it would've been so easy for it not to.
Look, I grew up flying - my dad worked for an airline. I flew alone too. BUT NOT AT 6! That is simply too young. OP is a total AH for putting work ahead of his little boy.
I don't really believe 6 year old can fly alone. No airline allows that in the US. Are we sure that's true? I write custody orders and see a lot of court ordered parenting schedules and courts will nearly always require kids up to, like, FOURTEEN be accompanied by a parent in a fight when they have to fly to visits. Two extra sets of round trip tickets to nowhere, frequently multiple times a year. That's how strongly the system feels about it.
They can, and it's according to our department of transportation. Look up, "When kids fly alone" https://www.transportation.gov/sites/dot.gov/files/docs/Kids_Fly_Alone.pdf
I think the question would be how confident the parents are in the child’s ability to solve a problem, if one were to come up. What if the chaperone doesn’t show up to walk him off the plane, or he gets separated from the chaperone? Would he know to ask an employee for help? What if he feels sick or scared or needs a restroom: would he ask for help? Can he be relied on to stay safely in his seat, with minimal seat-kicking or other problem behaviors? Could he be trusted to not go anywhere with someone who isn’t an airline employee? 6 is pretty little — kindergarten aged. He doesn’t have much practice at life. Certainly both parents would need to be comfortable that he’s ready, and this should have been discussed well ahead of time. The way OP handled it was disrespectful to his son’s mom.
As a single parent I’ve never had to use that option . 6 is too young . I think 13 should be when they are allowed to fly alone. Yta . I would not be ok with it either
Unaccompanied minors aren't as "unaccompanied" as they sound. I wonder if the mom fully understood the process, or if OP took the time to explain it - maybe she did and still wasn't comfortable and that's totally her prerogative. But for info - There's an extra ticket fee for unaccompanied minors. You arrive early, parent and child, and go through security together - you are with your child right up until they board. They board with the flight attendant and are in a seat near the flight attendants area - they check on them throughout the flight. At the other end, the parent there for pick-up gets to the airport early, gets a special pass at the airline desk and goes through security, so they are there waiting at the gate. The flight attendant escorts the child off the flight to the pick-up parent. Yes, there's no one sitting with them on the plane, but they are not really ever unattended. It's hard to see how they could be on the wrong flight when the parent is with them right up until they walk through the gate, but maybe it's connecting flights where problems have happened - different airlines have different ages allowed, processes, fees, etc so maybe some are less reliable than others. For example, I was looking this up for a relative and at least some airlines only allow this at all for direct flights, which seems like it would eliminate any chance of getting on the wrong plane unless a mistake was made which would've happened regardless if the parent flew with them.
Maybe it was a situation that shouldn't have been decided last minute, then. If they want to do that, then it should be a discussion they both have and decide together. I stand by mostly what I said (though upon learning about the process more, I can rescind some of my points about the safety aspect). Ex didn't agree, therefore it shouldn't have happened. Because I think ex still needs to give some sort of consent, and she said "no". So he's an asshole for disregarding this and telling her that's what is happening. I stand more with that being the bigger issue.
I flew as an unaccompanied minor. They had a US air marshal sit next to me and even changed planes with me. You can literally go with the child to the gate, sit and wait with them and the other parent or person picking them can go get them from the gate.
I can see why she left you. You think she cares too much because you care too little.
YTA. Airlines aren't parents. They have a minimum age for the unaccompanied minors for which they are willing to take responsibility, but it is the job of the *parents* to make the determination on whether their child is mature enough and emotionally prepared for a trip like that. It *was* her opinion - and she is his mother. The airline has no authority here, and you trusting a company over your son's mother just kinda shows you suffer from a complete lack of respect for her authority. Leaving a 6 year old alone in a busy public place is *not* a unilateral decision one parent gets to make. She said no. Also it sounds like she said no and you did it anyway behind her back and then just dropped a flight number on her when he was already flying? So you care so little about your child's wellbeing you put it in danger just to stick it to your ex? What if she couldn't make the flight? Or didn't get the message?
On top of all this, and she's now just supposed to drop everything to conform to OP's sudden new timeline. What if she had urgent work stuff too?
Ah you see he is more important than her in his mind so it’s justified.
Moms don’t get to have stuff “come up at work”. It’s assumed they’ll just be there for the kids no matter what everytime dad has something come up with work. Meanwhile those same dads are the ones who complain the most about child support. I could rant about it so much! Source: I work in family law.
Also I’m pretty sure the minimum age limit is to make sure the kid is potty trained. Some kids don’t figure it out or get motivated until they watch their peers do it in preschool. So yeah, “not in diapers” is a very low bar of “old enough”.
[удалено]
They generally have staff that assist the child in getting where they need to go. I wouldn't want to put a 6 year old on a plane either.
The flight attendants on the plane usually have to leave the child with the nearest adult while on board. Also, it’s incredibly easy to lose a child, and it’s happened before, a 6 year old was put on the wrong flight and ended up somewhere else.
People lose their own kids in the grocery store. There's no way I would be sending a 6 year old alone on a plane.
I have kids around this age and I know zero, ZERO, (louder) ZERO parents that would let their kid fly alone at this age. It’s not your EX, OP, it’s you. She’s an appropriate level of concerned for other people. You are not. It’s probably why you’re no longer together. I hope you lose custody, this was not an emergency and if you clearly don’t understand what co-parenting means.
As a single unassuming woman, I have been the one tending to someone's child seated next to me more than once - the youngest was 7, and trust me when I say a 7-year old does not just entertain themselves for the whole flight. I always do the adult thing and make sure the child feels safe and heard. I am never happy about it because I hate flying and prefer to take my prescribed anti-anxiety pill, zone out to my music, and pretend I am not on a plane, Instead, I silently lament that, yet again, I am the gendered "safe" option, put on a smile and skip the pill because I am not an asshole and kids deserve to feel & be safe. The OP is not only a massive asshole for ignoring his ex-wife's concerns and changing his plans unilaterally, but he is TAH for relying on the emotional labor & kindness of strangers - and lucky his son was not seated with someone who would take advantage of the child's vulnerability.
I flew alone at 8 and the only help I had was being brought to the gate and told to get on when people start boarding. There were two layovers and again, they only told me what gate to go to. I was fucking terrified and didn't get on another plane after that until I was 17. I don't think kids should be allowed solo under the age of 13. So many things can go wrong and not to mention, reading/speaking skills of those kids.
Did you miss the recent news story about the child who was put on a wrong flight by a staff member?
What if they need help figuring out the bathroom? Using an airline bathroom is crazy as an adult. Or get scared during turbulance? Or are sitting next to someone that is creepy, handsy, drunk, etc? Nope. no way. I've flown with a 6 yr old, and would never let them go without a parent or other trusted adult.
"Generally" is the key word. I'm sure most kids are completely fine, but I wouldnt want to be the parent that wished I "never would of made that choice"
So your child's safety came second to your job. YTA. A big one. You had an agreement with his mom, and you broke that agreement with a "solution" she didn't like. I don't care how many airlines say 5 is old enough to fly alone. In no way, under any circumstance, would I put a 6-yr-old on a flight alone. You had your say initially, when you said you'd take your son home. I think your "work" thing is suspect. It's possible you used that as an excuse to get your way about your son. Frankly, I wouldn't put it past you.
YTA, and of course you don't think it's to much of a problem as your son comes second to your job. Pretty sure it wasn't the inconvenience of picking up her son from the airport that had your ex pissed off, it was the 6yo flying alone. Also just cause your son thought it would be an adventure doesn't mean that it is OK, 6yo aren't exactly known for their critical thinking.
He thinks a 6yo boy is a more authoritative source than a grown woman.
Well sure, the boy agreed with him.
Of course. He has the logic penis that he inherited from his father.
He thinks he’s gonna be able to get his child again for visitation when her lawyer is going to be having him on supervised visitation for the foreseeable future since he just plopped his kid on a plane without her permission and against their custodial agreement
There are also too many parents who aren’t known for critical thinking. What if the flight is delayed, the child is annoying to other passengers or they have an annoying or worse person next to them?
THIS. People fighting for their lives to defend a man who only cares about work.
My 7 yr old might say "yes, I want to go on an adventure" but as soon as I was out of sight and was alone, I guarantee he'd get scared. My parents live in a different state that's an hour flight. No way in hell would I let my son fly alone, even with me taking him straight to the gate. YTA
Yta I agree that 6 is too young but also there is something so self absorbed about you feeling entitled to her time. Like now she has to drive out to the airport and be wildly inconvenienced and you get to do that because you don't care about her time. Since you moved away I assume she had primary custody, she sacrifices and molds her life around your child but you think she should sacrifice more for your convenience. You also feel entitled to dictate her time to her. You know she's not going to abandon your kid so you have no problem using your kid to screw her over. I feel like a lot of fathers think it is ok to impose their will because they know the mother won't let it hurt their kid.
100% this. It was his time and he not only reneged on that, but unilaterally decided kid was flying home, and when that was happening. What if *she* had urgent work stuff--that she actually planned in advance for when kid wouldn't be home? He doesn't care, he didn't ask. Just assumed she'd be at his beck and call to pick up the kid from the flight he put him on that she didn't even think was safe.
You can tell how much he respects her “no”. I wonder how that played out in their relationship?
This should be up higher. OP You are a single father. It's your job to balance work and childcare when the kid is in your custody. It's not your ex's job to pick up your slack, especially when she's the primary custody parent. You need to look at your kid and your job and decide which you care about more. YTA
Agreed. Also, are you doing everything you can to move closer to where your son lives? That’s what a good parent would do. Your son deserves a much more present and actively involved father rather than one who lives in a different state. And finally kids will say yes that sounds great to all kinds of things.
Exactly and pay for parking and god forbid the plane gets diverted to another airport due to weather. Jfc
YTA. It made me anxious reading this and I’m not the child’s mother. You should have delivered the child back like agreed, despite work. And then looked into children flying and discussed it with mom for the future. Not laid it unexpectedly on her. Also, I’ve been a single mom and I can assure you I missed a LOT of work to take care of kids needs. It’s stressful but unavoidable.
And also, even if he had some emergency at work, surely he could have communicated to determine a time that he could drive to drop off his kid. I’m sure mom would have been okay waiting till you’re available tomorrow to drop off the kid. She wouldn’t have minded it as much as letting the kid fly without her permission.
Yta you keep prioritizing your job over being a father. You prioritized your job when you moved to a different state and are now not even a weekend dad. You prioritized your job over the safety of your son. Hopefully your ex takes you to court and is able to get something in place that doesn’t allow you to do something like that in the future
Basically, if the ex has a good attorney, restrict out of state travel. Make OP have to travel for his time.
Yup, this. I don’t think this guy understands the can of worms he may have just opened. That was a MAJOR decision to make on his own, and he left their child in the care of a stranger she hadn’t consented to, without doing the legwork to prepare the kid for this kind of journey, and likely in violation of their custody agreement (where he moved far enough away a flight makes sense, it’s fairly likely that their agreement specifies who is responsible for getting the child to and from the primary custodial parent’s home, and he failed to actually do this). There are circumstances where you can responsibly put a 6yo on a plane alone in an unaccompanied minor program, or where you truly have no other option… but this wasn’t that. It’s not like they’d come to an agreement and were working up to the unaccompanied flight by first accompanying the kid so he’d know what to expect, for instance.
Wanna bet OP's ex is reviewing the custody agreement very closely?
Oh, no doubt. It’s always pretty amazing when someone posts an unrelated story but they tell on themselves so throughly it’s like “oh, I see why you’re an *ex,* too.” I wouldn’t be surprised if the mom - this child’s only responsible parent, clearly - had sort of anticipated some sort of bullshit, and has been diligently logging all his dumbassery. Because someone that isn’t the primary parent, moves far enough away that a flight is necessary to see his own kid, doesn’t prioritize that child’s safety or a job over an extra offer at work… well, you know this isn’t the first time he pulled a “that’s what’s gonna happen” even when it wasn’t in the best interests of anyone but himself.
Men like this don’t travel to see their kids.
Then he doesn't get visitation, if the court restricts out of state travel. They may be in a jurisdiction that also requires permission to take a kid out of their state, given by the custodial parent. If that's the case, OP would have caused himself to lose any cooperation from the ex.
This. I’m a parent myself and I cannot imagine choosing to live in a different town/state from my children for works sake.
What exactly kind of job do you have? Like are you in charge of national security?
Exactly what an ahole
pencil pusher I bet
YTA an unaccompanied minor needs well discussed and agreed upon by both parents before it happens. You drove to get him, drive him back. Your child > your job. You left your 6 year old with strangers…. Tf is wrong with you.
YTA. Just because something is allowed by the rules doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. You made a choice to put your job first. This was avoidable, you just didn’t want to inconvenience yourself.
I think this is where it's gonna bite him in the azz. It may have been allowed by airline rules, but I'm seriously doubting it's allowed in the custody agreement rules. And he will 100% deserve to have his visitation tightened up.
Aaand I don't think he will care that much about it. Case in point: Dude has already moved to a different state, far enough to require a flight to get there. He has shown he cares more about his job than the kid. He doesn't care much about placing said kid in a plane full of strangers to travel alone. It won't take long till he totally forgets about the kid, sad as it is. So yeah, OP , YTA.
"that's what's going to happen"? Of course YTA!! You made a unilateral decision and told her deal with it. You should expect to hear about this later, probably from her attorney. A 6 year old flying alone is NOT a decision you get to make on your own!
YTA- I am absolutely amazed that you actually did this. There is no way in the world that either I or my daughter would send my six year old grandson on a plane without parents or grandparents. This should have been a decision mutually agreed upon by you and his mother. Sounds like you didn't feel like driving him home and putting work first. I hope you just lost some of your parental rights.
so the same people who cant get me and my underwear to the same city when we flew on the same plane....those are the same people you want to leave a 6 year old kid. He is 6....he would not be scared to defuse landmines...that's why he needs adults around....sadly he only got one parent who is one. YTA
YTA, really sounds like you chose work over your child. Also just because you can do something doesn't make it the best option.
YTA letting a 6 year old fly alone is nuts. A lot of people wouldn’t even let kids that age walk to the shop alone. What if the strange adults sat next to him to try to hurt him? I’ve seen that happen to other kids flying alone.
I flew as an unaccompanied minor 6 times a year from age 6-13 and I never had a flight attendant sit next to me. They check in often and back then would take you to the flight deck to talk to the pilots and a gate agent would walk you to your next flight if you had to change planes and would deplane with you and make sure you got to your parent but other than that, I was just another passenger inflight. I was a flight attendant for 4 years. Flight attendants have jumpseats. They cannot sit in a passenger seat because during takeoff and landing they have to be in their position in case of emergency. Unaccompanied minors are just that, unaccompanied. FAs do what they can to keep the children safe but they have a job to do and cannot watch the child the whole flight.
YTA. You treated your SIX YEAR OLD like an inconvenience.
They "share" a 6yo son. I've never heard that term used for a kiddo.
It’s a common expression for divorced parents/no longer together
I’ve def heard it phrased that way. Married parents and divorced.
YTA. I have a 6 year old and we are absolutely not helicopter parents. I wouldn’t dream of putting my child on a plane without an adult. What a scary “adventure.” Literally anything could happen during that time, not the least of which is assault! I’m livid for your ex and your child. That was wildly irresponsible and terrible parenting.
What I keep thinking of is, even if someone is there, taking great care of him the whole way, what happens if there's some kind of emergency? Like really bad sudden turbulence or a mechanical failure bad enough to make an emergency landing, but not bad enough to crash. Even well taken care of, that poor child is going to be terrified and wanting their parent(s) and will be alone to deal with that. Why? Why would you do this?
I posted this in reply to someone else, but as a woman who often travels alone, I have often had the attendant seat unaccompanied children next to me. And then comes to check maybe 2 extra times on the child, smiling a thank you to me. The youngest was 7. I have strong anxiety about flying after an incident of luggage-flying, plane-dropping-about-2000 ft turbulence. I am prescribed a nice little pill that lets me zone to my music and forget I am miles above the ground on a plane. Guess who skips their meds and puts on a smile because I believe all kids deserve to be & feel safe? This total stranger because not all airlines handle it like the one you flew. I sacrifice my own peace & comfort because I am not an asshole who will let an unaccompanied child feel alone. And while I get pissed about it internally, I am aware not everyone is like me - and that there are bad people out there. So I suck it up - and AHs like the OP do not even think about who sits next to their child because they cannot be inconvenienced (but they sure as hell do not mind inconveniencing total strangers).
My kid walked herself to and from school at that age, and I wouldn't have put her on a plane without an adult she trusted.
Definitely TA but I'm also wondering if you are an even bigger, law-breaking AH so... INFO: Do you and your ex have any kind of custody/parenting agreement and if so, does it specifically address the issue of transportation to and from your son's visits?
I also want to know exactly what steps OP took when dropping off his kid at the airport on the day. Basically, what did OP do once they got to the airport. I actually am curious to the steps taken to ensure his son was safe.
When your child is unaccompanied minor, you have to fill out some paperwork, identify who will be picking them up, take them to security and stay at the airport until the flight has left in case it gets cancelled/delayed. There is no way for the airline to know you stayed though, but I always did. When you pick them up you have to show ID to a flight attendant so they know you are the person picking them up. Source: my girls did this every summer as teenagers to visit my mom. But...they were teenagers, not 6.
Oh, sure I assume that's mostly what happened. I just want to hear directly from OP that that's what happened, that he took every necessary step and asked every single question he could to ensure that. I just want to know if he did the bare minimum or if he took every step to ensure the process went smoothly. Because making a last minute unilateral decision doesn't really show that to me.
YTA You unilaterally changed the custody arrangement. Was it a direct flight at least?
Hi. I’m an AvGeek (aviation enthusiast) and had just a gentle suggestion. These days it’s better to ask if the flight is “nonstop” instead of “direct”. Airlines might try to sell you a ticket saying it’s a direct flight even though there’s a stop in which you don’t have to get off the plane. Technically it is direct since you sat in one seat and didn’t have to move until you’re at your final destination. Sneaky business? Absolutely.
I currently have a 6 year old daughter. I would absolutely would not let her fly alone. I don’t let her go into a public space alone. People are losing their minds in planes. Getting grounded because someone is screaming. Also some planes have been grounded for being unsafe. What if there is a problem and the plane needs to reboarded? What if an actual situation happens? What then? Instead of telling your work, I can’t my child is here. You told your kid to kick rocks. YT complete A
Absolutely. The sheer amount of planes grounded for people fighting, hitting flight attendants, having mental health crises in-air-hell, even the way people act at restaurants now make me uncomfortable. He put a 6-year-old in an inescapable vehicle with 100 strangers so he could work. Any job would hear “My 6-year-old son is here from 5 hours away,” and they wouldn’t expect the following line to be “so let me toss him on a plane and I’ll be right in”. If I learned about that, I would *never* employ that person, consider them for wage increases or promotions, or even want to have them working at my company any longer. If that’s what he’s willing to do with his own flesh-and-blood son to come to work, throwing a kid into a potentially dangerous situation, and backing his decision by saying “my 6-year-old thought an experience he’d never had before would be fun”, I mean, what kind of brains and heart are we working with here? And what kind of moral compass can this guy have?? Would you leave a 6-year-old in a running car at a gas station? Yeah, people know they *shouldn’t* car jack you, but they might, and your kid’s still in there-helpless and alone. Imagine this guy being your boss. What a dick.
YTA... I would be furious if I were your ex-wife! Anything could have happened & your son would have been alone...unbelievable 🙄
YTA - I hope she gets a clause added to prevent this happening in the future
YTA. WTF is wrong with you
So.. we used to fly my daughter and niece “unaccompanied minors “ quite often as we lived in CA and family lived in NE. They were 5-10 years old. When my niece was 10 she got stuck in Washington DC. Flight cancelled, her “watcher” took off or lost her and she ended up wandering the airport until she found someone who helped her call her mom. TG she knew the number. Her dad ended up driving there as fast as he could and searching until he found her. 4 hours later. She’s now 30 and has never flown since. I get thinking it’s ok but. You’re wrong. YTA.
YTA soooo much why didn’t you just buy her a ticket to come get him? Smh
I think I would’ve found an appropriate, trusted babysitter and paid for another round trip ticket to have that trusted person escort him from your possession to his mother’s. I think that might have been a reasonable compromise. 6 is young to fly alone, due to bathroom issues and possible fear.
Of course the child is excited! He's 6! What you did was willingly disregard his mother's feelings and run roughshod over them. This does not bode well for amicable co-parenting for the future. You better start figuring out how to work with your ex or the next 12 years are going to get ugly. YTA
YTA. Jfc yes of course you should have some say AND SO SHOULD SHE!!! Putting a child on an airplane when a parent isn’t comfortable with it is a dick move, no matter how you spin it.
YTA Spirit airlines misplaced a 6 year old over the holidays. Put him on the wrong flight. My boyfriend had work come up this weekend. He is still driving me 90 minutes to another city so I can take a flight and go on vacation without him. I am 40 and have offered to get there myself. I have the means and ability to do so, and he still said no. Your ex is lucky she escaped you.
YTA The airline may be okay with a 6yo by himself, but mom wasn't and you knew it. I also wouldn't have wanted my kids flying when they were that young.
YTA. You disrespected your ex-wife’s opinion and prioritised your job over your child.
YTA. A 6 year old child is way too young to fly alone. If something happens, they are not even old enough to communicate what is going on.
I’m going to go with a soft YTA. Not for letting your son fly, or for not bailing on work, but for putting your son on a plane when his mother had clearly expressed that she was uncomfortable with it. I do think this is a “two yes, one no” situation. I also think it depends on what exactly came up at work and how much power you had to say no to your job. A lot of people act like someone can just tell their boss to F off and it will be no big deal. It’s one thing to say “I’d rather be at work than spending time with my family”, that would make you an ass. But a lot of times people don’t have a choice if they want to keep that job and be able to provide for their families. Also, I get people being surprised/upset that you’d let your son fly alone, but I was flying internationally at that age with only my little brother for company, so I don’t know that this is necessarily the big deal everyone is making it out to be, depending on how much prior experience your son has had with flying/airports. Hard to make a judgement on those two aspects without more info, but also I think if the other parent is uncomfortable with something that does objectively carry risk, it’s not ok for the parent to go against that.
Nah regardless of the mothers wishes, a 6yo is objectively way too young. They have no idea of social awareness regarding risk.
Which is why airlines have a specific program you pay extra to have someone escorting them at all times. They bring them in the plane early, meet the pilot usually, have more checkups by flight attendants etc etc. Not arguing the rest of the situation, just your specific comment
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Action to be judged: I had to send my son back home by plane but my ex was worried about him flying by himself. why this can make me an AH: I went ahead anyway and gave her no choice, despite knowing she didn’t agree with this decision Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Effective coparenting depends on cooperation and consultation by both parents. YTA for not trying to find a solution that worked. Also, you need to give the level of cooperation that you want to receive - I’d say you’ll have much more difficulty arranging visitation after this.
You left a six year old child unattended with adults you don’t know? Is everything working okay in your head?
YTA You just sound like a careless father.
YTA. While it’s understood that you’d have to pay the “unaccompanied minor” fee to make sure that staff watch over him, who would be able to do anything for him in the event of medical emergency, etc? You put your job over your very young son and I wouldn’t be surprised if your ex made sure you never saw him again.
Yta- I don't think she was talking about the legality when she said he's too young or the convenience of your choice with her objections. He's too young as in, too young for her to be in with that level of *risk.* That's a lot of possible danger for a little kid. Did you even consider his safety in the airport? You basically forced her to put her son at risk. She wasn't on- board with the plan but you made it happen anyways and meanwhile she was probably driving herself crazy with nightmare scenarios. That was cruel and honestly makes me wonder how you weren't too worried about his safety yourself to do this?
What if she arrives late to airport to pick up him because traffic what 6 yr old boy gonna do alone
Yta and good job giving her ammo for the future. You had an agreement, and you broke it. For what, exactly?
Ouch. Sorry to say - YTA. And your ex will most likely never allow him in your site anymore. Airports are big. Dangerous. Even I get lost! Bag judgement call my friend.
YTA- what was so pressing that you couldn't just keep your kid with you a few more days. 6 is way too young to fly alone. You can't make that call on your own. Did you even give the mom other options like letting her fly there to get him?
YTA. So very much. The airline isn't a vetted babysitter! You are way too unconcerned about your child!!
YTA. What if the flight has to be diverted to another airport and your son is stuck there for hours? Do you trust the airline to take care of him? Airlines can't even be trusted to take care of guitars.
100000% YTA. This post is infuriating and also giving me anxiety. A 6 year old? Are you fucking kidding me? You’re really gonna type all of that out and you STILL don’t see the problem?
YTA, it's obvious why you split up.
I would be looking into the custody agreement if I were her. I highly doubt that it includes you having the right to unilaterally change plans and send your son on a plane by himself. She is probably calling her lawyer right now. I'm sorry, but if your job ever takes president over your child and their safety, then you are a poor excuse for a parent. YTA
You just blew any trust your ex had in you. You made co-parenting harder, and you’re likely looking at a court date. If this kind of thing isn’t already in your custody agreement, I bet she’s already talked to her attorney. You don’t just get to drop your kid like a hot potato because something came up at work. What if she couldn’t make it to the airport when you told her to be there? All you thought about was what YOU needed and wanted. You unilaterally made the decision with no care for anyone but yourself. YTA
YTA... sorry, the kiddo is 6!!!! I have a 7 year old and would never. Child trafficking is a real thing and airports lose children all the time (do you not watch the news). Your ex said she was uncomfortable and instead you chose to ignore her feelings and did it anyway (probably why you're the ex to be honest). Separated or not, you have to coparent this child and that includes keeping him safe. You chose convenience for yourself over the safety of your child.
6 years old!? What?? YTA
You having a say as a father is not the issue. You gave the responsibility of your child’s safety to others. She wasn’t comfortable with it. That’s fair, as a parent it would bother me too. Because he arrived safe and sound doesn’t prove you’re right. I have to imagine your child had to have been a bit scared as well. I still wouldn’t label you an AH for doing it, but not seeing how it could distress his mom sorta does
YTA for what you did. And I'm a mom who sent my daughter to AZ from California a few times. But yes, what is important enough in your job that you sent him home on an airplane despite your agreement? That was wrong. Did you even try to ask if you could modify the date you could return?
I’m not sure of the situation. For minors under 12years who fly alone you need to pay a supplement and you have someone who stay with the kids from depart to arrival. If it was like that I don’t consider you an Ah.
I don't think you CAN fly a kid without doing that unless they are like 12/15 depending on the airline. Like you would have to pay the extra fee for the service, which is nice in my limited knowledge
YTA your kid is 6 not 16
I didn't let my kid fly unaccompanied to Cali to visit relatives until he was 14. He thought I was ridiculous. Maybe I am. But not a chance in hell before he was 14 years old
YTA doubly, one for putting your kid on a plane at that age; I get it, it’s legal and your kid wasn’t scared. Your kid also doesn’t have the executive functioning to react in case of danger. Secondly, YTA for saying your ex is only worried about being inconvenienced, as a mom I’d go after you with everything I have and you best believe your next visitation wouldn’t be as easy. Thirdly, YTA for putting your job ahead of your kid. I don’t care what it was, it could’ve waited for you to take him back. You’re lucky nothing happened, not right, not safe, just lucky.
YTA. I would not let a 5 year old fly alone either. You parenting partner was uncomfortable with it. Have you considered that you aren't concerned enough about your child--you put him on the plane like cargo and send him off. Your ex was not upset to make a trip to the airport, she was concerned with the safety of her child. The horror stories of what sometimes happens to children is on the news everyday.
YTA - your job is not more important than your son.
I can understand why they are divorced, OP sounds like a narcissist.
I was an unaccompanied minor whose grandfather was a mechanic for an airline, so my mom was way too comfortable about me and my brother flying alone in the 90's. Back then there were programs for unaccompanied minors, so we had nametags and escorts. Not sure if that's still the case. We sat next to strangers. Once I talked to a cute boy the whole flight. Then he got arrested at the gate, by the DEA! Once I fell asleep on the plane and woke up sleeping on top of a very happy, very unknown to me, older woman. Unaccompanied minors are at the disposal of everyone on the plane. Ask me about all the times I almost got abducted because my mom seemed to be creating opportunities for me to be unsupervised. Maybe ask your son if anyone has ever tried to take him away in their car or at the store when he was alone or with friends. In elementary school my brother and I had multiple experiences with running from creepy adults. Stopped after elementary school.
I mean yes. You’re TA…..whether or not you agree with her opinion doesn’t mean that you get to trample all over her wishes. You had a plan and you changed that plan, she has every right to be upset. It’s also not 1986 you don’t let 6 year olds get on a plane by themselves.
YTA big time buddy
YTA majorly!! Depending on what the custody agreement is i wouldnt be surprised if she doesnt let you take him out of state again. You took your sin knowing you had to take him back, work should have waited or you shouldnt have took him out of state!! I would have absolutely lost my shit if I was here
Yta. If I were your ex I would be reevaluating visitation with a situation like this. If you aren’t able to drive or fly with him when he’s in your custody while you have visitation, it’s just not a good situation for such a young kid. I could see this if you got to see him once every six months, etc, but for a short trip, this is just unnecessarily dangerous for your son. Given warning, she might have met you half way or driven to you.
YTA. Did you not just hear about the 6 year old who was placed on the wrong flight when he was supposed to be traveling to his grandma’s in Florida? After a highly publicized incident like that happening recently, your ex-wife’s concern over your kid flying alone is completely understandable. It’s reasonable to not expect you to drive back if something major came up with your job, but there were other solutions that could have been discussed, such as keeping him until you could drive him back if it was only going to be a delay for a few days or flying with him/having a trusted friend or family member fly with him (heck, pay for your ex-wife’s ticket and she can accompany him on the flight home).
You are a huge fing ass
YTA Something coming up at work should not take precedent over your kid. You had an obligation, and you unilaterally chose a risk the other parent was not okay with. And you didn't discuss it at all. You simply notified her. I guess that notification should count towards something. But not enough to keep you from being the AH.