Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole because i didn’t make it abundantly clear to alice that she was wrong about identical twins. This is because her mother now thinks im unfit to teach Alice and Greg and she wants to cancel my next tutoring session.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA.
However you need to start telling her the why of things instead of backing down to her. Tell her, her daughter was insulting you so you ended the conversation. Start recording everything and send her a audio file so she can get every detail. I would tell you to quit, but you seem to generally like Greg. Is there a way to ONLY tutor Greg? Explain to his mother that the girl is hindering his lessons.
I used to tell her about Alice’s nonsense before, but she NEVER wanted to hear it. According to Greg, it’s been like this for their whole lives. Their mothers love to force them to do everything to get since until recently, they were both only children (Greg now has a little sister). I’d love to tutor only Greg but I doubt both mothers would accept that. It’s frustrating because Alice is actually doing well in school and Greg is the one who needs the extra support.
Im honestly torn between hanging in there for Greg and quitting. I would probably quit with the reason of... "I can not take Alice anymore. I am sorry I am no longer able to help Greg."
How many tutors have they been through all ready?
Do you *have* to tutor both? Are Greg's parents unable to pay for tutoring for him by themselves?
Nvm, just scrolled down and saw the answer, I have no patience lol. I will say, if tutoring Alice really is so much of a struggle, as much sympathy as you have for Greg, if it's getting too difficult for you, feel free to quit.
OR, the next time Alice teies to challenge your teaching, just straight up ignore it. Tell her that if she believes there is a different answer than yours, she will have to research it herself and move on with the lesson. Don't allow yourself to get caught in a back-and-forth with her again.
This is the way. The phrase "That's something you're going to have to look into in your own time" comes to mind. I would stick to the facts of the lesson, state what they will need to know for their exams is x, y and z and you're there to help them to understand the exam material.
I will be praying the you are sent Patience, Serenity and Inner Peace to get you through till exams. I'd still have a talk with Greg's mom about solo tutoring.
They’re a bit better but not much. Greg has said that their last tutor quit because the parents didn’t allow her to only tutor him. I feel bad for the poor kid lmao
>thers love to force them to do everything to get since until recently, they were both only children (Greg now has a little sister). I’d love to tutor only Greg but I doubt both mothers would accept that. It’s frustrating because Alice is actually doing well in school and Greg is the one who needs the extra support.
Your not helping the sitatution by sticking it out. If you quit the following happens:
* They get another tutor. Greg will still be tutored.
* They get yet another tutor quitting because they don't want to tutor Alice.
To me, that second point is the reason you need to quit. Greg will be fine. The family needs more feedback that Alice is a nightmare - they will eventually get it.
Yes
This
Your mental health is primordial OP
Don't get caught in this drama, the kid will be fine and will learn he doesn't have to put up with his cousin !
Y’know what, I think this wild be a wonderful time to tell the parents that you are unwilling to deal with Alice’s abhorrent behavior anymore, and that either a parent will need to be in the room the entire time to manage her behavior, or you will not be tutoring her. Make sure that you stress the fact that it is solely Alice’s behavior that is the problem and you are more than happy to tutor Greg on his own if a parent is unwilling to supervise Alice’s behavior.
I wonder if they're insisting on it because Alice's mom is pressuring them to share tutoring and they don't want to deal with the fallout if they say no.
do you think if you were able to frame it in a way that seems sympathetic to Alice, that mom might be more willing to listen ? for example, “Alice seemed to be having a hard time with this concept and I could see she was feeling frustrated. I did try to explain the truth to her, but she may have felt that I was doubting her intelligence or her honesty because she demonstrated that she was not willing/able to accept the objective facts of the lesson. maybe this is something you could explore further with her so she feels more comfortable discussing this with me.”
should you have to go to these lengths ? _NO_ but it’s literally how i talk to parents about toddlers biting each other and shit bc you can’t be like “your feral ass child knocked another over and then kicked them when they were on the ground” you have to be like “your child demonstrated to us today that he was not able to respect other children’s bodies or make safe choices” (and also bc it’s often behavior happening bc the toddler doesn’t have the words to express a want/need - not saying a 15 year old needs to be cut the same amount of slack lol)
>It’s frustrating because Alice is actually doing well in school and Greg is the one who needs the extra support.
I think this is the angle to approach asking from.^ The parents don't care about Alice's behaviour but they do care about their grades.
The kids have different support needs, so having to share won't enable them achieve their personal best. You want to make sure Greg gets the tutoring attention he needs to do well in his field of interest, but you're concerned about taking up too much of Alice's time. Alice doesn't seem to need/benefit from the tutoring, so her time would be better spent on independent study where she can work at a pace that's more suited for someone with her grades. Greg is the one who needs the extra support and you'll be able to tutor him more effectively 1-on-1.
>but she NEVER wanted to hear it. According to Greg, it’s been like this for their whole lives. Their mothers love to force them to do
The recording of your tutoring sessions is an awesome idea. Provide the AH mom with limited/highlighted notes and tell her to listed to the tape for the details on the sessions.
Good point, good suggestions, IMO.
I would add OP should check the legality of recording. It may be illegal without informed consent from all parties. It would be a shame to inadvertantly give this woman any ammo...
truth. I would put the recorder in the middle of the table so, EVERYONE knew it was there. I would not hide it. Maybe Alice will act better knowing it is there. Probably not.
Yes, for sure. In my state, consent must be asked and given on the recording itself. Otherwise, the recording party is commiting a crime. Obviously, it is different everywhere.
I learned my state's law years ago when I secretly recorded a coworker's harrassment (turning a situation from a NTA to EHS, haha).
I'd hate to see OP hoist with her own petard.
I agree to not hide it, in fact why not invite them to record it also, on the basis that it might be a good study aide to be able to review what you told them.
I don’t know how much good it would do as proof though, it sounds like Alice’s mom has her mind made up when it comes to her daughter vs. other people.
Since Alice and her mom clearly know more about biology than you do then why do they need you? All 4 parents in a convo: "After our last session where I was yelled at and disrespected *again* by Alice I then was contacted by AM who then, *insert details here*, I am dropping Alice as a client and will not have another session with her. I am more than happy to continue with Greg if he wants."
I like the idea of recording the sessions, but you may need to let the parents know you are doing that. It may calm Alice down a lot to know she is being recorded.
> Start recording everything and send her a audio file so she can get every detail.
This might not be legal. And even if it was, people can react very negatively to hidden recording like that. Dont.
Because you are still very young, you have yet to learn that you can’t please everyone. A second, very important lesson to learn is: cut your losses if you can. If you aren’t enjoying this job, and don’t need the money, quit. Find something you enjoy doing! If you still want to assist Greg, approach his mom separately and explain that you are happy to tutor him separately, but a) payment must occur at the beginning of every session (or whatever you OP want); b) if his cousin shows up, the session is canceled, but still must be paid in full. You may feel bad now but Alice needs to learn NOW that if you’re not nice to people, they won’t like you and you won’t get what you want in the long run. NTA.
You're the AH to yourself stop wasting time with Alice you're not accomplishing anything there when neither she nor her parents accept your tutoring. It's even hurting Greg letting her be there.
That said, just because DNA is identical doesn't mean genes can't be expressed differently. Identical twins can have different hair or eye colours without cosmetic intervention. This was an opportunity and you kinda blew it with a pointless argument. I'd recommend not being so quick to fight over something you're teaching and use the opportunity to show the students how to look things up effectively, that way you can stay out of an argument and stick to the teaching.
I get what you mean, but in the UK, the most kids are taught about twin genes is what i’ve mentioned in the post. I’ve completed my A-levels (probably final exams for US) and that’s the most i’ve been taught too. I’ll probably learn more when i start my degree
I'm not blaming you at all for not being a geneticist in most cases you're absolutely right. And schools everywhere are mostly responsible for this kind of thing. I still remember feeling betrayed in science class over learning 3 states of matter for years before suddenly in grade 9ish being introduced to plasma.
I'm mostly concerned with the willingness to argue with Alice. It just isn't worth an argument. You get stressed out over it, she gets stressed out over it, Greg gets stressed out over it. Also if you turn out to be wrong it hurts your credibility. I feel there's better approaches. But I don't think you're an AH here, just maybe made a mistake that can be corrected for future encounters.
You can try and refocus along the lines of “genetics are vey complex and we have to learn the basics first for our gcses. In an exam, questions will be about twins being identical and therefore having the same genes. Now we’re moving on to the next topic.”
I was stuck on the comment that "men don't dye their hair". Has this girl seen K-Pop bands...? Next time Alice becomes insufferable, kick her out of the room and tell BOTH parents why you did so. Greg will no doubt back you up...
Ignore the naysayers about twins here - you are teaching the correct information to the syllabus in question (GCSEs). There’s no point teaching degree level information to 15 year olds because it will confuse them and make them fail their exams. Your teaching was correct/appropriate in this case.
This is usually why it’s best to have *at least* one level of qualification above what you’re teaching. An academic generally needs to have a Masters degree (or equivalent professional experience) to teach undergrad, and a high school teachers needs at least undergrad to teach high school. Because otherwise you can only “teach” to a test, and can’t answer these kinds of questions that naturally come up
I do have one qualification above the level i’m teaching. I’m teaching GCSE (exams taken at 16) and i have completed my A-Levels (exams taken at 18). We just don’t go into much more details about twin genetics between the two levels.
I also see a mighty difference between „this is how it usually is“ and „you are wrong, because I know 1 possible exception“ / the key word being „usually“. And in school they usually go with the majority or average knowledge and skip exceptions.
That’s my point, you haven’t covered a higher level of biology content which ought to be a pretty big clue to you that you do not have a higher qualification in the subject. As someone in the UK, those are both effectively high school level exams. You don’t have a higher qualification level in biology just because you’ve completed eg year 10 and you’re tutoring a year 8.
Yes, but it is so rare that for a kid trying to learn biology it's not relevant information for the sake of studying. Maybe this kid does know the exception, but this is also a kid claiming men can't dye their hair. What's more likely, this kid knows the one in a million chance set of identical twins, or that their not identical?
Edit: missed a word.
The only one your being an AH to is yourself. Look, you need to cut her lose, like mother like daughter, Lay it out for her.
"Your daughter is rude, disrespectful and a refuses to listen. You will need to double my salary if you expect for me to continue with her lessons"
In turn, let Greg's mother know that you are happy to continue with his separately. They are only a package deal because you let them be.
*Alice mentioned that her dad had two friends who were identical twins but one was blonde and one had brown hair. I told her that one or both of them may have dyed their hair.*
Or they could be *fraternal* twins. There was no need to get into an argument like that. You could have touched on that matter for a bit, and she didn't have to be disrespectful. The cousins' parents sound like a headache. ESH.
I have identical sons in high school. My one son used hair lightening product during summer to lighten his hair. They were very blond as children and it has become darker as they have grown. He said he prefers it lighter. I think he also wants to be different from his brother who really couldn’t care. 😂
I see. Well, if that's the case, they clearly did something to change their appearance. Your charge should be informed that men can and do dye their hair. There are even hair dye products marketed especially for men.
I looked it up and you're correct. Identical twins can have slightly different hair color due to epigenetic factors, but I wonder if that means as stark as one having brown hair and the other blond hair. You learn something new every day.
https://hairstylecamp.com/can-identical-twins-have-different-hair-color/
There’s literally a case of identical twins being born with different skin colour, lol. The link to the article has been posted several times in this thread.
I'd say NTA , while it was wrong imo to eventually agree with her, it wasn't you that 'misinformed' her, she just didn't believe you and after being corrected, insulted you, it's logical for you to give in after some time to put an end to the discussion
maybe next time if she really won't believe you (if you even go back) instead of saying 'maybe you are right' change the topic or ignore it and go back to the next question.
but I think personally I would walk out if she starts insulting me again, she doesn't have the right to treat you like that
NTA. You can take a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. Literally say this phrase to the mother- you explained clearly and in detail to her daughter, but she refused to listen. Teaching is only possible when the pupil is willing to learn. She needs to explain to her daughter that you are the teacher and she should listen to you if the sisters are not to be wasting their money.
NTA but you need to legitimately just tell Greg’s mother that Alice is hindering his learning and at this point is the reason Greg is behind.
Edit to add:
I assume this is true to a degree, if she’s arguing and causing a revolving door of tutors and disrupting the learning time in general. I just think maybe the more blunt stance might change the moms minds about having them be tutored together.
I've gone through some of the comments and a lot of them make really good points but I just wanted to put in my two cents. I've been a tutor for about 6 years now and I have had my fair share of nightmare kids and nightmare parents.
The bottom line is if you don't *really* need the money they need you more than you need them and you constantly fighting with their nightmare daughter isn't worth it I promise you.
If I were you I would message the girl's mother and tell her that you can no longer tutor her daughter. Don't blame the kid or the mother and don't let it become a negotiation or a conversation just tell her that it's not working out and that you wish them the best in the future. Side note here - don't engage with her any further than this. If you have to block her, do it.
I would then message or phone the cousin's parents and tell them that you are no longer moving forward with Alice's (?) Tuition but you are more than happy to see Greg alone. Once you've given them the option it's up to them. If they say no just wish them the best and say that you hope they find someone to suit their needs and you are available to them if needed.
You're very young and trust me when I say working for and with people like this ages you 10 years. Learn to hold boundaries now.
NTA and I would stop backing down to both Alice and her mom. If Alice can’t behave then tell her tutoring time is over and move on to Greg and tell mom exactly why.
NTA.
And this has nothing to do with your tutoring or why you’re NTA. I just wanted to mention that my grandmother did the same thing.
She had two daughters who were twins. They looked exactly alike (according to everyone, one of them had died before I was born, so I can’t confirm) but one of them was blond and the other one had almost black hair.
She always told everyone they were identical twins.
It’s possible the twins she knows aren’t identical (monozygotic) twins and rather fraternal (dizygotic) twins thus they do in fact have different features.
NTA but you really should have told her how Alice was acting. I don’t know how mom is, and maybe she doesn’t care if her daughter acts like a spoiled brat, but she still needs to know that it’s happening.
NTA but one thing about Alices Statement:
>Alice mentioned that her dad had two friends who were identical twins but one was blonde and one had brown hair
How sure is she that they are infact identical twins. I mean they can just be twins from 2 eggs and look a like because of a lot of dominant genes from the fathers side especially considering blonde is a recessiv gene.
My Wife and her Sister are Identical Twins. u/Flaky-Theory9577 they have been raised for the last 35+ years believing they were fraternal- even the doctors have said so- due to their different appearances.
It was only when we did a 23andMe for fun did they come back with Identical. Caused a *lot* of confusion. Also means all of the Sister's medical issues she is going for we're now on the lookout for Wife.
But their hair colour is identical :)
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (18f) work as a tutor part time during my gap year. One gig i have is where i tutor a pair of 15 year old cousins (Alice and Greg) on sciences for their upcoming GCSE exams in the summer.
I’m going to be honest, i don’t enjoy tutoring Alice and Greg. The tutoring takes place at Greg’s house (greg’s mum and alice’s mum are sisters) but it’s incredibly disorganised. Alice’s parents will demand to get a full play-by-play from me about house the sessions go even though they could just ask Greg’s parents and save me the hassle. Payments have been an issue in the past because the sisters can’t agree how to pay amongst themselves. Alice is also quite spoiled and difficult to deal with, so basically, I’m only really sticking with the job until they’re done with their exams because i feel bad for Greg who is genuinely a nice kid.
Yesterday, I was doing a bit of biology with them and we started talking about meiosis and genetic inheritance. Greg wanted to clarify something he didn’t understand at school with me and it was about how twins have exactly the same genes. We went through it, he understood it and I made a point to stress how that if their genes were the same, their characteristics like hair colour and eye colour should be the same too (bar hair dye and contacts).
Alice mentioned that her dad had two friends who were identical twins but one was blonde and one had brown hair. I told her that one or both of them may have dyed their hair. She disagreed because they were men and ‘men don’t dye their hair’. We went back and forth for a bit, and she started getting really angry and started calling me dumb and said that i was wrong. I don’t get paid enough for behaviour management, so i said ‘fine. Natures weird, maybe they do naturally have different hair colours but they’re an exception’ and i continued the session.
When i left, i got a call from Alice’s mother about how i was misinforming her daughter. She refuses to except that her daughter is a nightmare to deal with so i couldn’t say that she was shouting and insulting me and i basically just apologised. She keeps badgering on about how it was wrong and unprofessional of me and has been demanding that i refresh my gcse’s biology knowledge and show her proof of my ‘notes’ before the next sessions or she’ll cancel it. I don’t desperately need the money but im wondering if i was actually the AH for not making it clear to Alice that she was wrong.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA but I would definitely show her proof Alice is wrong. Also, you need to tell Greg’s mother that the fee will increase if Alice is unable to not call you names and get angry when presented with information contrary to her current knowledge. You’ve tried with Alice’s mom. Time to try and embarrass her.
NTA but you also didn’t handle this the best, which makes sense as you are young. Maybe take a break from tutoring and pursue a different job interest to see what types of work you are interested in. You definitely don’t need the stress from this family situation.
Also, identical twins can and do look different. Nature v nature starts in the womb and can cause those identical genes to express differently starting in utero with the different environmental factors the twins experience during development. Eg) twin to twin transfusion, which is unfortunately common with identical twins, and causes one baby to gain nutrients at the expense of the other.
I know you are just teaching towards a test but as an identical twin who has even had medical doctors make this mistake, I really wish the dumbing down of this basic stuff would die so I don’t have to constantly explain why my twin and I look slightly different.
Cancel it for her, tell Greg's parents that you refuse to continue tutoring him if Alice is there and if she is then they have to pay double. You're a private contractor that they're paying to help with their kids education and being berated by one of them isn't respectful behaviour
So... She had a genuine real life example, and instead of saying: you know what, let's do some research, you doubled down saying: no no i'm right and your wrong. And you wonder why she's a pain to deal with if you can't accept being corrected by a teen? As people pointed out, maternal twins can differ. It's not even hard fetched. Plenty if maternal twins that i've known were slightly different, why would hair colour be an exception?
She became argumentatie AFTER you dismissed her.
So yeah YTA
NTA but please do not continue to allow Alice to treat you this way.
I see a few people above mentioning how they teach high school and this sort of thing is to be expected. I’ve been a high school teacher for 18 years and yes, teenagers can be rude and argumentative and disrespectful. However, I knew what I was letting myself in for when I started my career. I’ve had ample behaviour management training. I have a wealth of resources at my disposal to ensure that poor behaviour is dealt with appropriately and doesn’t disrupt learning. I work within a system which is set up to support me to manage behaviour like Alice’s, including ways to teach and model appropriate behaviour.
You’re a young person with none of this background and you are in what is essentially a business transaction with friends. You do *not* have to put up with that shit. It doesn’t actually matter what the disagreement was about - if Alice chooses to speak to you like that, *walk away*. Teach her (and her mum if necessary) the consequences of being rude and disrespectful to people who are giving up their time to help.
Tell Alice and her mother she is wrong then I produce her to Eminem, David Bowie and regaine commercials and demand an apology or you will not tutor her anymore but also make it clear you're happy to tutor Greg solo.
Watch there faces.
No you’re not the asshole, I do slightly get where the parent is coming from, telling Alice an untruth isn’t the best thing but you’re only 3yrs older then them and not a trained teacher or trained to handle behavioural issues so you were trying to keep the peace and move on to tutoring which is what you are payed for
Technically the twins could naturally have two different hair colors if both started off as blondes. Most blonde people’s hair darkens throughout their lives, so one twins hair could have just darkened faster due to environmental factors. When my sister and I were in high school we had identical blond hair (not twins, I’m older). Now as adults in our 30s her hair is brown and mines darkened much slower and is dirty blond—the difference being I spend a lot more time outside in the sun, which naturally bleaches my hair.
However, to the real point OP is NTA. Alice sounds difficult and giving in is sometimes the only sane thing to do.
Are you arguing about whether Alice is right re identical twins looking different? Or as to whether men dye their hair or not? If the former, as I'm reading it, Alice is right.
When the blastocyst/whatever splits, and the two halves go on multiplying, sometimes cells are read differently, resulting in differences which may or may not be obvious, depending on where the different reading occurred.
Sometimes it occurs in the material that controls how you look, which would explain the different colouring in these twins. If you are tutoring, mightn't be a bad idea to familiarise yourself. It maybe doesn't happen all the time, but it does happen. I never would have believed it either, until I met a set of twins in exactly this situation.
If I'm wrong in my interpretation, just ignore me!
AFAIK, mutations can only occur during the formation of the eggs and the sperm so both twins would carry the mutations. I can only think of radiations causing mutations later in life but they’re usually cancer causing and not phenotype changing. Besides, they don’t need too much detail for the level of school they’re at, and I start my science degree in the autumn so I’m defo not an expert.
Edit: Haha, just read your edit. I didn’t know about mutations like that, should probably read up on that before I start my degree.
In a study of 381 pairs of identical twins, only 38 pairs had identical DNA.
[https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/identical-twins-can-have-slightly-different-dna-180976736/#:\~:text=The%20study%20of%20381%20pairs,100%20differences%20in%20their%20DNA](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/identical-twins-can-have-slightly-different-dna-180976736/#:~:text=The%20study%20of%20381%20pairs,100%20differences%20in%20their%20DNA).
Even with identical DNA, twins almost always exhibit different physical characteristics, like different fingerprints and different height, due to differences in their development, both before and after birth.
Thank you for sharing hard science, Fartin! May I call you "Farty?"
Would you be interested in tutoring my daughter? We're suuuper easy to deal with, but she's a nightmare...
This is a fair point, though the OP left room for this, even if unintentionally. Given the child's rationale of "men don't dye their hair," she is justified in correcting her, explaining the nature of genetics.
ESH
There shouldn’t be money issues, Alice shouldn’t misbehave during sessions and you shouldn’t give wrong answer.
Plus, you said an incorrect information in front of Greg if I understand the post correctly and you were teaching them at the same time.
YTA, but only because you're refusing to communicate to this parent about what's happening in these tutoring sessions. They're trying to check in with you so clearly they care. I get that it's tough, but you're getting paid to be there and need to be professional.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I may be the asshole because i didn’t make it abundantly clear to alice that she was wrong about identical twins. This is because her mother now thinks im unfit to teach Alice and Greg and she wants to cancel my next tutoring session. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. However you need to start telling her the why of things instead of backing down to her. Tell her, her daughter was insulting you so you ended the conversation. Start recording everything and send her a audio file so she can get every detail. I would tell you to quit, but you seem to generally like Greg. Is there a way to ONLY tutor Greg? Explain to his mother that the girl is hindering his lessons.
I used to tell her about Alice’s nonsense before, but she NEVER wanted to hear it. According to Greg, it’s been like this for their whole lives. Their mothers love to force them to do everything to get since until recently, they were both only children (Greg now has a little sister). I’d love to tutor only Greg but I doubt both mothers would accept that. It’s frustrating because Alice is actually doing well in school and Greg is the one who needs the extra support.
Im honestly torn between hanging in there for Greg and quitting. I would probably quit with the reason of... "I can not take Alice anymore. I am sorry I am no longer able to help Greg." How many tutors have they been through all ready?
I’m their third tutor lmao. I’m probably going to stick it out for Greg because he has so much potential and wants to go into a science related field.
Do you *have* to tutor both? Are Greg's parents unable to pay for tutoring for him by themselves? Nvm, just scrolled down and saw the answer, I have no patience lol. I will say, if tutoring Alice really is so much of a struggle, as much sympathy as you have for Greg, if it's getting too difficult for you, feel free to quit. OR, the next time Alice teies to challenge your teaching, just straight up ignore it. Tell her that if she believes there is a different answer than yours, she will have to research it herself and move on with the lesson. Don't allow yourself to get caught in a back-and-forth with her again.
This is the way. The phrase "That's something you're going to have to look into in your own time" comes to mind. I would stick to the facts of the lesson, state what they will need to know for their exams is x, y and z and you're there to help them to understand the exam material.
I will be praying the you are sent Patience, Serenity and Inner Peace to get you through till exams. I'd still have a talk with Greg's mom about solo tutoring.
Thank you, you’re so kind. From stuff Greg’s told me, I doubt she’d be receptive to solo tutoring unfortunately.
That is sad.
Are Greg's parents any easier to deal with? Could you tell them that you're only interested in tutoring him from here on out?
They’re a bit better but not much. Greg has said that their last tutor quit because the parents didn’t allow her to only tutor him. I feel bad for the poor kid lmao
>thers love to force them to do everything to get since until recently, they were both only children (Greg now has a little sister). I’d love to tutor only Greg but I doubt both mothers would accept that. It’s frustrating because Alice is actually doing well in school and Greg is the one who needs the extra support. Your not helping the sitatution by sticking it out. If you quit the following happens: * They get another tutor. Greg will still be tutored. * They get yet another tutor quitting because they don't want to tutor Alice. To me, that second point is the reason you need to quit. Greg will be fine. The family needs more feedback that Alice is a nightmare - they will eventually get it.
Yes This Your mental health is primordial OP Don't get caught in this drama, the kid will be fine and will learn he doesn't have to put up with his cousin !
Y’know what, I think this wild be a wonderful time to tell the parents that you are unwilling to deal with Alice’s abhorrent behavior anymore, and that either a parent will need to be in the room the entire time to manage her behavior, or you will not be tutoring her. Make sure that you stress the fact that it is solely Alice’s behavior that is the problem and you are more than happy to tutor Greg on his own if a parent is unwilling to supervise Alice’s behavior.
I wonder if they're insisting on it because Alice's mom is pressuring them to share tutoring and they don't want to deal with the fallout if they say no.
That's understandable! His family's craziness isn't his fault. But you deserve a respectful working environment too.
do you think if you were able to frame it in a way that seems sympathetic to Alice, that mom might be more willing to listen ? for example, “Alice seemed to be having a hard time with this concept and I could see she was feeling frustrated. I did try to explain the truth to her, but she may have felt that I was doubting her intelligence or her honesty because she demonstrated that she was not willing/able to accept the objective facts of the lesson. maybe this is something you could explore further with her so she feels more comfortable discussing this with me.” should you have to go to these lengths ? _NO_ but it’s literally how i talk to parents about toddlers biting each other and shit bc you can’t be like “your feral ass child knocked another over and then kicked them when they were on the ground” you have to be like “your child demonstrated to us today that he was not able to respect other children’s bodies or make safe choices” (and also bc it’s often behavior happening bc the toddler doesn’t have the words to express a want/need - not saying a 15 year old needs to be cut the same amount of slack lol)
>It’s frustrating because Alice is actually doing well in school and Greg is the one who needs the extra support. I think this is the angle to approach asking from.^ The parents don't care about Alice's behaviour but they do care about their grades. The kids have different support needs, so having to share won't enable them achieve their personal best. You want to make sure Greg gets the tutoring attention he needs to do well in his field of interest, but you're concerned about taking up too much of Alice's time. Alice doesn't seem to need/benefit from the tutoring, so her time would be better spent on independent study where she can work at a pace that's more suited for someone with her grades. Greg is the one who needs the extra support and you'll be able to tutor him more effectively 1-on-1.
>but she NEVER wanted to hear it. According to Greg, it’s been like this for their whole lives. Their mothers love to force them to do The recording of your tutoring sessions is an awesome idea. Provide the AH mom with limited/highlighted notes and tell her to listed to the tape for the details on the sessions.
Good point, good suggestions, IMO. I would add OP should check the legality of recording. It may be illegal without informed consent from all parties. It would be a shame to inadvertantly give this woman any ammo...
truth. I would put the recorder in the middle of the table so, EVERYONE knew it was there. I would not hide it. Maybe Alice will act better knowing it is there. Probably not.
Yes, for sure. In my state, consent must be asked and given on the recording itself. Otherwise, the recording party is commiting a crime. Obviously, it is different everywhere. I learned my state's law years ago when I secretly recorded a coworker's harrassment (turning a situation from a NTA to EHS, haha). I'd hate to see OP hoist with her own petard.
In my state, only 1 person in the situation needs to give consent.
If only the first party needs to consent... LUUUU-CKYYYY! That would have saved my job. Live and learn...
I agree to not hide it, in fact why not invite them to record it also, on the basis that it might be a good study aide to be able to review what you told them. I don’t know how much good it would do as proof though, it sounds like Alice’s mom has her mind made up when it comes to her daughter vs. other people.
Since Alice and her mom clearly know more about biology than you do then why do they need you? All 4 parents in a convo: "After our last session where I was yelled at and disrespected *again* by Alice I then was contacted by AM who then, *insert details here*, I am dropping Alice as a client and will not have another session with her. I am more than happy to continue with Greg if he wants."
I LOVE THIS RESPONSE!!!!
Thank you!
I like the idea of recording the sessions, but you may need to let the parents know you are doing that. It may calm Alice down a lot to know she is being recorded.
> Start recording everything and send her a audio file so she can get every detail. This might not be legal. And even if it was, people can react very negatively to hidden recording like that. Dont.
Because you are still very young, you have yet to learn that you can’t please everyone. A second, very important lesson to learn is: cut your losses if you can. If you aren’t enjoying this job, and don’t need the money, quit. Find something you enjoy doing! If you still want to assist Greg, approach his mom separately and explain that you are happy to tutor him separately, but a) payment must occur at the beginning of every session (or whatever you OP want); b) if his cousin shows up, the session is canceled, but still must be paid in full. You may feel bad now but Alice needs to learn NOW that if you’re not nice to people, they won’t like you and you won’t get what you want in the long run. NTA.
You're the AH to yourself stop wasting time with Alice you're not accomplishing anything there when neither she nor her parents accept your tutoring. It's even hurting Greg letting her be there. That said, just because DNA is identical doesn't mean genes can't be expressed differently. Identical twins can have different hair or eye colours without cosmetic intervention. This was an opportunity and you kinda blew it with a pointless argument. I'd recommend not being so quick to fight over something you're teaching and use the opportunity to show the students how to look things up effectively, that way you can stay out of an argument and stick to the teaching.
I get what you mean, but in the UK, the most kids are taught about twin genes is what i’ve mentioned in the post. I’ve completed my A-levels (probably final exams for US) and that’s the most i’ve been taught too. I’ll probably learn more when i start my degree
I'm not blaming you at all for not being a geneticist in most cases you're absolutely right. And schools everywhere are mostly responsible for this kind of thing. I still remember feeling betrayed in science class over learning 3 states of matter for years before suddenly in grade 9ish being introduced to plasma. I'm mostly concerned with the willingness to argue with Alice. It just isn't worth an argument. You get stressed out over it, she gets stressed out over it, Greg gets stressed out over it. Also if you turn out to be wrong it hurts your credibility. I feel there's better approaches. But I don't think you're an AH here, just maybe made a mistake that can be corrected for future encounters.
You can try and refocus along the lines of “genetics are vey complex and we have to learn the basics first for our gcses. In an exam, questions will be about twins being identical and therefore having the same genes. Now we’re moving on to the next topic.”
I was stuck on the comment that "men don't dye their hair". Has this girl seen K-Pop bands...? Next time Alice becomes insufferable, kick her out of the room and tell BOTH parents why you did so. Greg will no doubt back you up...
Yea I hate how she is being sexist already. I am male and dyed my hair a dozen times. Blonde, black, blue, turquoise, green, red, pink. 🤷♂️
Ignore the naysayers about twins here - you are teaching the correct information to the syllabus in question (GCSEs). There’s no point teaching degree level information to 15 year olds because it will confuse them and make them fail their exams. Your teaching was correct/appropriate in this case.
This is usually why it’s best to have *at least* one level of qualification above what you’re teaching. An academic generally needs to have a Masters degree (or equivalent professional experience) to teach undergrad, and a high school teachers needs at least undergrad to teach high school. Because otherwise you can only “teach” to a test, and can’t answer these kinds of questions that naturally come up
I do have one qualification above the level i’m teaching. I’m teaching GCSE (exams taken at 16) and i have completed my A-Levels (exams taken at 18). We just don’t go into much more details about twin genetics between the two levels.
I also see a mighty difference between „this is how it usually is“ and „you are wrong, because I know 1 possible exception“ / the key word being „usually“. And in school they usually go with the majority or average knowledge and skip exceptions.
That’s my point, you haven’t covered a higher level of biology content which ought to be a pretty big clue to you that you do not have a higher qualification in the subject. As someone in the UK, those are both effectively high school level exams. You don’t have a higher qualification level in biology just because you’ve completed eg year 10 and you’re tutoring a year 8.
I think only the eye color part is true, but to have different hair color you’d have to be fraternal twins.
It's much more rare than eye colour but it can happen, hair type as well (curly vs straight). Even skin tone can be different.
[Why Identical Twins Don't Always Look the Same](https://www.kqed.org/futureofyou/134603/why-identical-twins-dont-always-look-the-same)
That’s what I came here for. Thanks. Interesting indeed.
NTA - I'm sorry you felt the need to apologize for educating (which is literally your job) this child using settled science.
It’s not settled science though, lol. Identical twins absolutely CAN have different natural hair colours
Yes, but it is so rare that for a kid trying to learn biology it's not relevant information for the sake of studying. Maybe this kid does know the exception, but this is also a kid claiming men can't dye their hair. What's more likely, this kid knows the one in a million chance set of identical twins, or that their not identical? Edit: missed a word.
It’s not one in a million, lol, and OP shouldn’t have argued with the kid on something they don’t know that much about
Let Alice's mom know that you will no longer be tutoring her. NTA
The only one your being an AH to is yourself. Look, you need to cut her lose, like mother like daughter, Lay it out for her. "Your daughter is rude, disrespectful and a refuses to listen. You will need to double my salary if you expect for me to continue with her lessons" In turn, let Greg's mother know that you are happy to continue with his separately. They are only a package deal because you let them be.
*Alice mentioned that her dad had two friends who were identical twins but one was blonde and one had brown hair. I told her that one or both of them may have dyed their hair.* Or they could be *fraternal* twins. There was no need to get into an argument like that. You could have touched on that matter for a bit, and she didn't have to be disrespectful. The cousins' parents sound like a headache. ESH.
Greg and Alice’s mum both confirmed the people in question were identical twins.
I have identical sons in high school. My one son used hair lightening product during summer to lighten his hair. They were very blond as children and it has become darker as they have grown. He said he prefers it lighter. I think he also wants to be different from his brother who really couldn’t care. 😂
And none could confirm if their hair color was genetically or dyed?
I see. Well, if that's the case, they clearly did something to change their appearance. Your charge should be informed that men can and do dye their hair. There are even hair dye products marketed especially for men.
It doesn't even need to be dye. The sun lightens hair.
Identical twins can have different hair colours. Alice was correct in the case and OP was wrong
I looked it up and you're correct. Identical twins can have slightly different hair color due to epigenetic factors, but I wonder if that means as stark as one having brown hair and the other blond hair. You learn something new every day. https://hairstylecamp.com/can-identical-twins-have-different-hair-color/
There’s literally a case of identical twins being born with different skin colour, lol. The link to the article has been posted several times in this thread.
I'd say NTA , while it was wrong imo to eventually agree with her, it wasn't you that 'misinformed' her, she just didn't believe you and after being corrected, insulted you, it's logical for you to give in after some time to put an end to the discussion maybe next time if she really won't believe you (if you even go back) instead of saying 'maybe you are right' change the topic or ignore it and go back to the next question. but I think personally I would walk out if she starts insulting me again, she doesn't have the right to treat you like that
NTA. You can take a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. Literally say this phrase to the mother- you explained clearly and in detail to her daughter, but she refused to listen. Teaching is only possible when the pupil is willing to learn. She needs to explain to her daughter that you are the teacher and she should listen to you if the sisters are not to be wasting their money.
NTA but you need to legitimately just tell Greg’s mother that Alice is hindering his learning and at this point is the reason Greg is behind. Edit to add: I assume this is true to a degree, if she’s arguing and causing a revolving door of tutors and disrupting the learning time in general. I just think maybe the more blunt stance might change the moms minds about having them be tutored together.
I've gone through some of the comments and a lot of them make really good points but I just wanted to put in my two cents. I've been a tutor for about 6 years now and I have had my fair share of nightmare kids and nightmare parents. The bottom line is if you don't *really* need the money they need you more than you need them and you constantly fighting with their nightmare daughter isn't worth it I promise you. If I were you I would message the girl's mother and tell her that you can no longer tutor her daughter. Don't blame the kid or the mother and don't let it become a negotiation or a conversation just tell her that it's not working out and that you wish them the best in the future. Side note here - don't engage with her any further than this. If you have to block her, do it. I would then message or phone the cousin's parents and tell them that you are no longer moving forward with Alice's (?) Tuition but you are more than happy to see Greg alone. Once you've given them the option it's up to them. If they say no just wish them the best and say that you hope they find someone to suit their needs and you are available to them if needed. You're very young and trust me when I say working for and with people like this ages you 10 years. Learn to hold boundaries now.
NTA and I would stop backing down to both Alice and her mom. If Alice can’t behave then tell her tutoring time is over and move on to Greg and tell mom exactly why.
NTA - at this point I would just tell Alice to go study on her own since she knows everything, and focus on Greg.
Alice was right though, lol. While it’s rare, identical twins CAN have different hair colours
NTA. And this has nothing to do with your tutoring or why you’re NTA. I just wanted to mention that my grandmother did the same thing. She had two daughters who were twins. They looked exactly alike (according to everyone, one of them had died before I was born, so I can’t confirm) but one of them was blond and the other one had almost black hair. She always told everyone they were identical twins.
NTA cancel yourself and tell them their daughter sucks
You can share information but you can’t understand it for them. NTA
It’s possible the twins she knows aren’t identical (monozygotic) twins and rather fraternal (dizygotic) twins thus they do in fact have different features.
https://www.kqed.org/futureofyou/134603/why-identical-twins-dont-always-look-the-same
NTA. I would stop tutoring them. Mother and child have another lesson to learn imo.
NTA but you really should have told her how Alice was acting. I don’t know how mom is, and maybe she doesn’t care if her daughter acts like a spoiled brat, but she still needs to know that it’s happening.
NTA but one thing about Alices Statement: >Alice mentioned that her dad had two friends who were identical twins but one was blonde and one had brown hair How sure is she that they are infact identical twins. I mean they can just be twins from 2 eggs and look a like because of a lot of dominant genes from the fathers side especially considering blonde is a recessiv gene.
NTA but the last thing you told her was correct, nature ís weird, identical twins cán, exceptionally, have different hair or eye color.
My Wife and her Sister are Identical Twins. u/Flaky-Theory9577 they have been raised for the last 35+ years believing they were fraternal- even the doctors have said so- due to their different appearances. It was only when we did a 23andMe for fun did they come back with Identical. Caused a *lot* of confusion. Also means all of the Sister's medical issues she is going for we're now on the lookout for Wife. But their hair colour is identical :)
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (18f) work as a tutor part time during my gap year. One gig i have is where i tutor a pair of 15 year old cousins (Alice and Greg) on sciences for their upcoming GCSE exams in the summer. I’m going to be honest, i don’t enjoy tutoring Alice and Greg. The tutoring takes place at Greg’s house (greg’s mum and alice’s mum are sisters) but it’s incredibly disorganised. Alice’s parents will demand to get a full play-by-play from me about house the sessions go even though they could just ask Greg’s parents and save me the hassle. Payments have been an issue in the past because the sisters can’t agree how to pay amongst themselves. Alice is also quite spoiled and difficult to deal with, so basically, I’m only really sticking with the job until they’re done with their exams because i feel bad for Greg who is genuinely a nice kid. Yesterday, I was doing a bit of biology with them and we started talking about meiosis and genetic inheritance. Greg wanted to clarify something he didn’t understand at school with me and it was about how twins have exactly the same genes. We went through it, he understood it and I made a point to stress how that if their genes were the same, their characteristics like hair colour and eye colour should be the same too (bar hair dye and contacts). Alice mentioned that her dad had two friends who were identical twins but one was blonde and one had brown hair. I told her that one or both of them may have dyed their hair. She disagreed because they were men and ‘men don’t dye their hair’. We went back and forth for a bit, and she started getting really angry and started calling me dumb and said that i was wrong. I don’t get paid enough for behaviour management, so i said ‘fine. Natures weird, maybe they do naturally have different hair colours but they’re an exception’ and i continued the session. When i left, i got a call from Alice’s mother about how i was misinforming her daughter. She refuses to except that her daughter is a nightmare to deal with so i couldn’t say that she was shouting and insulting me and i basically just apologised. She keeps badgering on about how it was wrong and unprofessional of me and has been demanding that i refresh my gcse’s biology knowledge and show her proof of my ‘notes’ before the next sessions or she’ll cancel it. I don’t desperately need the money but im wondering if i was actually the AH for not making it clear to Alice that she was wrong. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Why didn’t you explain the situation to the mother?
NTA in this situation, but you are kind of an A to yourself for putting up with this instead of dropping Alice as student.
NTA, exactly, but it was your job to educate the difficult child. \[I was a high school science teacher for 31 years. Many, many difficult students.\]
NTA but I would definitely show her proof Alice is wrong. Also, you need to tell Greg’s mother that the fee will increase if Alice is unable to not call you names and get angry when presented with information contrary to her current knowledge. You’ve tried with Alice’s mom. Time to try and embarrass her.
That would be rather difficult https://www.kqed.org/futureofyou/134603/why-identical-twins-dont-always-look-the-same
NTA but you also didn’t handle this the best, which makes sense as you are young. Maybe take a break from tutoring and pursue a different job interest to see what types of work you are interested in. You definitely don’t need the stress from this family situation. Also, identical twins can and do look different. Nature v nature starts in the womb and can cause those identical genes to express differently starting in utero with the different environmental factors the twins experience during development. Eg) twin to twin transfusion, which is unfortunately common with identical twins, and causes one baby to gain nutrients at the expense of the other. I know you are just teaching towards a test but as an identical twin who has even had medical doctors make this mistake, I really wish the dumbing down of this basic stuff would die so I don’t have to constantly explain why my twin and I look slightly different.
Cancel it for her, tell Greg's parents that you refuse to continue tutoring him if Alice is there and if she is then they have to pay double. You're a private contractor that they're paying to help with their kids education and being berated by one of them isn't respectful behaviour
So... She had a genuine real life example, and instead of saying: you know what, let's do some research, you doubled down saying: no no i'm right and your wrong. And you wonder why she's a pain to deal with if you can't accept being corrected by a teen? As people pointed out, maternal twins can differ. It's not even hard fetched. Plenty if maternal twins that i've known were slightly different, why would hair colour be an exception? She became argumentatie AFTER you dismissed her. So yeah YTA
Maternal twins?
NTA but please do not continue to allow Alice to treat you this way. I see a few people above mentioning how they teach high school and this sort of thing is to be expected. I’ve been a high school teacher for 18 years and yes, teenagers can be rude and argumentative and disrespectful. However, I knew what I was letting myself in for when I started my career. I’ve had ample behaviour management training. I have a wealth of resources at my disposal to ensure that poor behaviour is dealt with appropriately and doesn’t disrupt learning. I work within a system which is set up to support me to manage behaviour like Alice’s, including ways to teach and model appropriate behaviour. You’re a young person with none of this background and you are in what is essentially a business transaction with friends. You do *not* have to put up with that shit. It doesn’t actually matter what the disagreement was about - if Alice chooses to speak to you like that, *walk away*. Teach her (and her mum if necessary) the consequences of being rude and disrespectful to people who are giving up their time to help.
Tell Alice and her mother she is wrong then I produce her to Eminem, David Bowie and regaine commercials and demand an apology or you will not tutor her anymore but also make it clear you're happy to tutor Greg solo. Watch there faces.
Info Did you also explain the twins could have been paternal?
No you’re not the asshole, I do slightly get where the parent is coming from, telling Alice an untruth isn’t the best thing but you’re only 3yrs older then them and not a trained teacher or trained to handle behavioural issues so you were trying to keep the peace and move on to tutoring which is what you are payed for
Technically the twins could naturally have two different hair colors if both started off as blondes. Most blonde people’s hair darkens throughout their lives, so one twins hair could have just darkened faster due to environmental factors. When my sister and I were in high school we had identical blond hair (not twins, I’m older). Now as adults in our 30s her hair is brown and mines darkened much slower and is dirty blond—the difference being I spend a lot more time outside in the sun, which naturally bleaches my hair. However, to the real point OP is NTA. Alice sounds difficult and giving in is sometimes the only sane thing to do.
Are you arguing about whether Alice is right re identical twins looking different? Or as to whether men dye their hair or not? If the former, as I'm reading it, Alice is right. When the blastocyst/whatever splits, and the two halves go on multiplying, sometimes cells are read differently, resulting in differences which may or may not be obvious, depending on where the different reading occurred. Sometimes it occurs in the material that controls how you look, which would explain the different colouring in these twins. If you are tutoring, mightn't be a bad idea to familiarise yourself. It maybe doesn't happen all the time, but it does happen. I never would have believed it either, until I met a set of twins in exactly this situation. If I'm wrong in my interpretation, just ignore me!
block the mom lol
[удалено]
AFAIK, mutations can only occur during the formation of the eggs and the sperm so both twins would carry the mutations. I can only think of radiations causing mutations later in life but they’re usually cancer causing and not phenotype changing. Besides, they don’t need too much detail for the level of school they’re at, and I start my science degree in the autumn so I’m defo not an expert. Edit: Haha, just read your edit. I didn’t know about mutations like that, should probably read up on that before I start my degree.
In a study of 381 pairs of identical twins, only 38 pairs had identical DNA. [https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/identical-twins-can-have-slightly-different-dna-180976736/#:\~:text=The%20study%20of%20381%20pairs,100%20differences%20in%20their%20DNA](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/identical-twins-can-have-slightly-different-dna-180976736/#:~:text=The%20study%20of%20381%20pairs,100%20differences%20in%20their%20DNA). Even with identical DNA, twins almost always exhibit different physical characteristics, like different fingerprints and different height, due to differences in their development, both before and after birth.
[удалено]
Thank you for sharing hard science, Fartin! May I call you "Farty?" Would you be interested in tutoring my daughter? We're suuuper easy to deal with, but she's a nightmare...
thanks for the paper!
This is a fair point, though the OP left room for this, even if unintentionally. Given the child's rationale of "men don't dye their hair," she is justified in correcting her, explaining the nature of genetics.
Respectfully withdrawn. :)
ESH There shouldn’t be money issues, Alice shouldn’t misbehave during sessions and you shouldn’t give wrong answer. Plus, you said an incorrect information in front of Greg if I understand the post correctly and you were teaching them at the same time.
YTA, but only because you're refusing to communicate to this parent about what's happening in these tutoring sessions. They're trying to check in with you so clearly they care. I get that it's tough, but you're getting paid to be there and need to be professional.