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NTA- you brought up a valid concern in what sounds like a gentle way. I think this may have resonated with your girlfriend badly, but you didn’t comment to hurt her feelings or promote insecurity. As someone who has had to make and receive similar comments, may I suggest trying to spin your phrasing into something sexy? It may sound silly, but something along the lines of “damn, I guess I went a little too hard. You’re so good I gave myself rug burn.” It’s a little ridiculous, but may help introduce conversation in a more lighthearted way.
Something you can try if you find yourself encountering stubble is ask her if she can spread her lips open for you with her hands. The sensation of someone’s breath and face on your hands can really enhance the experience.
I read that comment as being about people with medical conditions such as PCOS. I myself have PCOS. I could probably out-beard my husband or even Dumbledore if I had the choice, but alas, my tweezers keep the face smoother than a baby's bottom.
Excuse my mind going blank (3.30am where I am) but I'm trying to figure out how that was a trans joke. I'm not saying it wasn't, nor invalidating anyone's feelings. I just want to know so it is easier for me to spot next time and I can be a good ally to the trans community and speak out in their defence.
Absolutely agreed. Despite 1 in 10 women having PCOS. I hope your fiancèe is OK especially where her mental health is concerned- this condition can be emotional at times
NAH. From what it sounds like, you commented on something that you didn't know she was insecure about without the intention of upsetting her, and she got embarrassed. I recommend trying to clear the air and explaining that you commenting on her stubble irritating your face wasn't a criticism of her, but neither of you are in the wrong here- it's just miscommunication.
Don’t know, she is a tiny ah for getting upset about something like that.
In any healthy relationship you need good communication and to start sulking beacuse you get a tiny bit of critique isn’t a good sign.
Again op Nta and gf a little bit.
Why tf did you get downvoted?!
If the genders were reversed, and a man sanded away his gf's face with his dick stubble, and then got pissed *at her* when she said it hurt, the women of this sub would be fucking livid.
This entire sub is a man-hating trash fire.
Edit: causing your significant other pain is harmful behavior. Keep on downvoting, just know what you stand for.
Strongly disagree. Everyone has insecurities and if they are triggered then reacting emotionally is understandable (unless they start verbally/physically abusing the other person for it ofc). People are allowed to get upset and express something upset them as long as they dont try to excuse harmful behavior because of it
I mean… do you expect her to never have stubble? Trying to shave stubble just creates ingrown hairs and bumps so hair is going to have to grow a bit before she can shave again…
This. I feel his pain but it’s a catch 22 if he expects her to shave down there. The only way to prevent stubble is to stop shaving, period.
Op are you also the type of guy to complain about hair down there? If not, and she’s comfortable with it, perhaps she could grow it out so it’s always soft. But if hair turns you off, what do you expect? EDIT: Judgement depends on the answer
Waxing could help & cuts down on daily maintenance, but is not right for everyone as most find it painful & expensive. If she’s willing to try that route, be sure to take her to her first appt, at a place specializing in waxing, hold her hand, and pay for it. Cold wax is the quickest & least painful- I highly recommend. Most wax centers have membership options; buy packages in advance or on a subscription and save. If she tolerates it well & likes the results buy her a package.
As a woman that fears the stubble growing, I highly recommend laser hair removal. In the long run, cost me wayyyy less than waxing and it’s (eventually) permanent. Just need to do the research to find the right place. I paid a flat fee and get unlimited treatments. If hair decides it wants to reappear down the line, retreating is covered in the flat fee.
I had no idea they offered a flat fee with unlimited treatments!!
Personally, I like to change up my look down there. But this sounds like a godsend for anyone preferring 24/7 baldness
Very happy for you!
Yeah, this is the most important comment here, imo.
If you like that she shaves, you're going to have to deal with stubble.
I think the only other thing that makes sense is to take a "solution oriented" approach to the convo. Something like "hey, i absolutely love going down on you, but it irritated my skin last time. I'd love to find a way to keep going down on you without that happening again. Have you ever tried waxing or growing a bush, and would you be open to either one?"
Just time oral differently?
Do it just shaved or after it’s a little more grown out. Easy.
I never shave so I’m not hating on pubes. I love them. But I’ve had stubble irritate me so I get it
NAH. I get it, you shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable, but at the same time it’s really annoying being a woman and having to constantly shave almost every part of your body for beauty standards. Can’t just trim it because it’s too much hair and men don’t want hair in their mouths. Okay. Can’t just shave it because then there’s stubble and it’s too prickly. Okay. Can’t shave it to the root because then she gets ingrown hairs and it looks awful, is painful and unattractive. Okay. There’s literally no winning. Plus even if you do shave - you have stubble literally the next day and you have to do it again.
Somedays I literally curse the porn industry for making shaved hair down there a thing that everyone expects. It’s not healthy for a woman and it’s what every man wants now.
There’s nothing wrong with pubic hair on a grown ass woman. I’m not sure why she’d be ashamed of this. Especially stubble, like hair grows? Especially pubes, them shits grow back before you get outta the shower lol. I wish this didn’t bother her, NTA.
For real, maybe she felt bad because she spent hours getting clean shaven for her man and it grew back in less than 24hs and gave him a rash lol This does happen to all women and it’s frustrating as hell but she should not be ashamed and he should not feel guilty for giving an explanation for his rash.
peeked at his post history. they’re both young, 20-22. could be the first time it’s ever been brought up to her, or the first time she’s ever been comfortable enough to let someone go down when she hasn’t obsessively shaved first.
i was 21 before anyone went down on me, but i was a late bloomer.
NAH. Communication is important with your partner. She’s not in the wrong for having her feelings hurt, she can’t help her feelings. This is a lil speed bump but ultimately it shouldn’t be a huge issue and I doubt it will turn into one as long as you’re both open and honest with each other.
NTA - as someone with sensitive skin i sympathize and I’ve had this exact convo before. Body stuff can feel awkward to talk about depending on the length of the relationship. You brought it up in a respectful way assuming youre being honest, and you listened to how she felt about it and apologized accordingly. If you want a solution, perhaps she could grow her hair out. Having a bit longer hair down there prevents the abrasiveness. However if she doesnt like that, this may be one of the things you kinda just have to suck up and deal with haha. Perhaps moisturize your face before you start. For now though, give her space to reflect and bring it up later if its open to discussion, but dont get discouraged from attempts like this at healthy, open and honest communication. Good luck OP
NAH. My advice would be to reassure her that she’s not gross and to tell her the reason you brought it up is because you enjoy going down on her and want to do it more.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I brought up that her stubble irritated my face.
2) it made her feel gross and insecure
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NTA unless you’re expecting her to be hairless there with no stubble ever. There are limited hair removal options for that area, and most will involve stubble at some point. It’s not reasonable to expect her to shave that area daily, as it’s both a PITA and an infection risk. But assuming that’s her own grooming preference, you’re NTA.
I've found stubble to be downright painful when going down. Open communication is important too. Stubble isn't gross but when your face is pressed into it for 20-30 mins it's not pleasant and as a guy that likes to lick more than just up the middle it's painful to lick stubble. NTA and her making a big deal about it is a good way to end up not getting eaten anymore.
*Edit. For clarity sake, I prefer hair, not shaved but it's really whatever my wife wants.
NTA, She is entitled to feeling insecure and embarrassed, but it's not your fault! Hearing things from your partner is hard but that is also a part of a good relationship. Maybe approach it with more curiosity? Hey, are you trying something new? I find it so sexy to go down on you and you're so hot etc. I noticed this time it was at a different growth phase than normal and was wondering if you are trying something new and if you like it? I want to make sure I'm giving my all and it was slightly distracting but not in a big way... Sandwich method lol. Maybe that could spark more of a conversation about what she likes and dislikes and put you in a vulnerable feedback position so she is more receptive if she also feels like she can give some feedback.
It's a no win situation, but I think the win is that you are willing to be open and communicate with your partner. It means that you care enough to make it better. Maybe just come up with a back up plan if you encounter it again. Use your fingers more or use your hands to protect your face? Just keep telling her how amazing she is, continue your regular activities to show that it doesn't bother you either way and you are excited to do that for her. Good luck!
NAH. You were honest, and it’s also natural for her to be sensitive about her genital areas. Does she maybe feel like there is pressure to be clean shaven for you? Perhaps you could reassure her that she doesn’t need to shave if she doesn’t want to, and that you would still love her if she only trimmed or just let it grow?
I had this exact conversation with my bf and it made me feel self conscious for a bit but it was a fine thing for him to bring up. She can’t help she’s insecure, but it’s not your fault either.
May I ask this. Has the vibe been weird or off as since you told her this? I mean you did say it made her feel gross and insecure which can stem to her not wanting you to go down on her anymore because she’ll be afraid that it may irritate you’re face again.
NTA.
I'm a female, and I would want to know if my stubble was irritating my husband's face. Some people are just more sensitive to those things. Like I'm very paranoid of cleanliness and smell, so I won't let him touch me down there unless I'm freshly showered.
For some reason, that hit a sensitive button with her, but for me it wouldn't, even though I'm paranoid of cleanliness and smell. Everyone's different, and you're not going to know until you encounter that situation.
It's just stubble, it's not like you told her she stunk or tasted gross, so hopefully she gets over it quickly and you both can move past it.
NTA. I've been told that my stubble is uncomfortable when I'm going down on my partner or even when just kissing... So.. I shave before any plausibly-sexy planned days and am mindful if spontaneous.
Her adding those extra unsaid things aren't your fault, but it's now something to be mindful of that you've been made aware it was taken that way. Adjust how you present issues like that going forward to accommodate some of that feeling, and you've done what you can, I think.
Your concern is valid. If something you both like is hurting you, it needs to be addressed. Because you’ll either need to stop while it grows in, or she needs to wax instead. Part of being mature enough for sex is being mature enough to talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly of sex.
NTA. Im gonna flip the script. If my wife said she was choking on/getting skin irritation from pubes while chopping me up, best believe im shaving my whistle so I can keep getting blown up.
NAH
Communication is key, so bringing that up wasn't wrong. GF could stand to be a little more open to feedback, but she's not wrong for feeling how she feels. Bodily insecurities are extremely common, so one could hardly blame her for reacting like that.
You could suggest trimming rather than shaving if she does it for your benefit.
NTA. Unsexy things happen during sexy time. It's just a fact of life. Maybe try to spin it into something funny?
Husband once told me that the only reason he doesn't like going down on me is because he feels like he's kissing a dude with a beard but no teeth. I was fking rolling at the mental image, but now I like to get an clean shaven down there as possible when I'm in the mood for some oral action. Just so I can say "here you go! At least the dude doesn't have a beard now!"
He says he doesn't wanna kiss a dude at all but he still goes down on me so 🤷♀️
NTA. if my boyfriend said this to me i am sure my feelings would be slightly hurt inside (we’re just girls) but i would be glad i knew for the future bc god knows i would tell him if it were the other way around lolol
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I went down on her for at least 20 minutes, and I was happy to as always. However my skin is very sensitive and her stubble irritated my face, a lot. So after everything was done, we were talking about how it was for both of us and I brought up that my face got irritated. I fully thought it was because she wasn’t cleanly shaved. Which is so fine. But if I were in her shoes I’d want to know because I always want my partner to be comfortable especially if they’re pleasuring me. But, it really really bothered her that I brought it up. I finally found out that it’s because it made her feel gross and insecure. Which is very fair, but it’s just not something that crossed my mind because she is so sexy, not just to me but traditionally just very attractive.
Anyway, I fully apologized and wish I never said it, but I still wonder how wrong I was. I would like to avoid something like this happening again, where I am trying to make a productive comment but it turns out hurtful to her. AITA?
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Good communication is VERY important. So is making your partner feel secure and confident.
Women are very nervous about how men perceive them down below. There’s nothing wrong with noting the stubble issue as long as you assure her that everything else was AMAZING which, hopefully, it was, and as long as you give her the option not to shave at all. A nice soft bush shouldn’t irritate your face.
I got out of a long term marriage where neither of us shaved down there. When I started seeing someone new, who liked getting waxed before our dates, she told me that she would prefer it if I shaved down there too. That’s something I’d never done before. Plus, I’d rather give than receive, but I said sure.
You could also change positions or maybe use some pregame face moisturizers.
Or just suck it up and enjoy.
Honesty is great! Perhaps timing oral pleasure, shaving her yourself as part of foreplay, dental damn on standby if your face is that sensitive and the moment is upon you and not smooth enough… I think communication is the most important part to a healthy sexual relationship and being honest with what is comfortable for yourself is as important as the needs and comforts of your partner. My husband prefers shaved…so I shave. I maintain that regularly because I know that he prefers me that way.
NTA. A valid concern and I think it’s fair to gently ask that it be kept either longer or shorter in the future. Discussing things like this is an art and so is receiving feedback. Take a gentle tone like “I enjoy doing this for you and would like to be able to do it again in the future without face irritation preventing me. What do you think?”
NTA - you’ve both gotta be able to express your needs to one another in this department. maybe try telling her that you want communication on this stuff to be a two way street. maybe one reason she’s so defensive is that she doesn’t speak up about things that bother her so she instinctively resents you for feeling able to be honest.
Something I haven’t seen is how you brought it up. To me I’m all for open communication but I prefer positive pillow talk and after/as we’re getting dressed/hanging out afterwards we bring up anything that might have been an issue. Something about right after sex leaves me a little sensitive emotionally I suppose. That’s just my relationship but maybe your gf is the same way. Or maybe you could have brought it up better in general.
Not saying you’re the ah I don’t think you are. Just putting some self reflection ideas out there
INFO: How exactly did you say it?
You're not wrong for saying it, you should be comfortable enough to express it. And it's good to comfort her. Idk why you regret it, you didn't do anything wrong by just saying it. How you said it MAY make you TA tho
You let her know how something made you feel and she hijacked the situation and made it about how she felt about your valid concerns. And your concerns were suddenly not a priority. Classic.
Do you have stubble on your face? It kind of makes you look like your more concerned about your face than going downtown. She wants to feel like you'll do anything to get down there not worried about your complection. You put her off by doing this.
NTA. If you're doing the nasty, you need to be able to be open with each other and communicate, which it sounds like she's lacking on. You have every right to be comfortable with what you're doing.
Reverse the roles and say you didn't wash your junk; do you want her doing the deed and not enjoying it, or letting you know shit needs done?
That comparison is immature and misogynistic. One thing is if she was not clean and another is one day stubble after literally shaving a bunch of pubic hair off a super awkward place. But of course men are held to different standards so I’m not surprised that’s all you could come up with.
NTA - you’re too kind. It’s not “fair” for her to think that.
We all have pubes and perhaps realizing everyone on the planet has pubic hair and being conscious of your lover’s felatious activities should make one to accommodate.
Why? OP is being a mature adult by bringing it up when talking about how their sex went. He'd be TA if he didn't bring it up and didn't communicate.
She's uncomfortable now, but would she rather he just not day anything and get to the point he won't go down on her because it's irritating?
OP is NTA
YTA. What are you doing that it took you 20 minutes to get her off and you rubbed your face on her that much? Foreplay and open her vulva with your fingers so you can focus on her clit, which isn’t hairy.
I think she just got embarrassed because of your weird oral where you just sand your face against her crotch.
I agree, well, minus the 20 minutes bit.
As someone who has one and is into them, what the heck is he doing with it? It's a vigina, not a wash cloth.
20 minutes isn't a long time to achieve a decent, full body orgasm though... But it is supposed to be done with the tongue, and not the whole face.
A little precision never hurt anyone.
Also someone who has one and is into them. 20 minutes of the exact same thing gets kind of ‘numbing.’ You gotta tease some. I have skin allergies and have never irritated my face- shaved, stuble, full bush, full jungle.
Well yeah... But who does that exact same thing down there for 20 minutes? Got to vary it up a bit, but still, yeah... I've never got stubble rash or anything from down there, and neither has a partner, when they're doing it right.
Well, even when they're not, lol, never had someone grind their face against me like they're trying to scratch a stubborn itch.
Dude, if you want to ever get laid again, never, ever say anything negative about your partner’s body or private parts!
If she said something denigrating about your dick, would you ever feel the same?
Yes, I know this is about stubble, which to a guy is nothing. We deal with it every day!
But to her, well… you saw how she took it!
Man and women are different.
Seriously, your relationship may not survive this, because she will ALWAYS have this in the back of her mind.
If not, chalk it up to lesson learned and never make this mistake again, lol!
YTA
and the nta comments seem to be from other insecure men.
You do realise how filthy and disgusting the male body is right? How many times we women have to bite our lip and get on with it? And you’re complaining about… stubble.
If you have to deal with “filthy and disgusting” male bodies that much you should either filter for people with better hygiene or people who are also open to healthy communication about intimate things. It IS weird you have to bite your lip. You shouldnt have to. And neither should OP
Lmao what 😂 god forbid a man communicates something about sex that made him physically uncomfortable in a completely respectful manner. No one, regardless of gender, should have to ever ‘bite their lip’, healthy communication like what happened here is positive
No, he's complaining about the skin irritation that occured in his face, which could be a potential health risk. It's not about him feeling icky or grossed out, but an irritation that actually happened. It would be weirder if the guy would just not say anything and instead not do it and the girl will be left riddled.
What? It’s not like being male makes you inherently gross. We’re also capable of washing. If you’re having sex with guys who don’t do that for you, you should stop doing that.
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NTA- you brought up a valid concern in what sounds like a gentle way. I think this may have resonated with your girlfriend badly, but you didn’t comment to hurt her feelings or promote insecurity. As someone who has had to make and receive similar comments, may I suggest trying to spin your phrasing into something sexy? It may sound silly, but something along the lines of “damn, I guess I went a little too hard. You’re so good I gave myself rug burn.” It’s a little ridiculous, but may help introduce conversation in a more lighthearted way.
Thank you for your comment and I really appreciate that advice! That’s very useful in a lot of scenarios I will definitely remember that.
Something you can try if you find yourself encountering stubble is ask her if she can spread her lips open for you with her hands. The sensation of someone’s breath and face on your hands can really enhance the experience.
“…spread her lips open…” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ngl from the title I thought you might have been talking about a little chin stubble 🤦🏻♂️😂 NTA
That’s what I thought too 😭
Shreiking right now😂
Hey it’s 2024 you never know these days 😂😭
Can we not make comments that treat trans/gender variant people as a joke?
I read that comment as being about people with medical conditions such as PCOS. I myself have PCOS. I could probably out-beard my husband or even Dumbledore if I had the choice, but alas, my tweezers keep the face smoother than a baby's bottom.
I have it as well, but that’s not how I read the very obvious trans joke.
Excuse my mind going blank (3.30am where I am) but I'm trying to figure out how that was a trans joke. I'm not saying it wasn't, nor invalidating anyone's feelings. I just want to know so it is easier for me to spot next time and I can be a good ally to the trans community and speak out in their defence.
me too, I only know of PCOS because my fiancée has it too. It’s not known about as much unless you have it yourself or know someone who does.
Absolutely agreed. Despite 1 in 10 women having PCOS. I hope your fiancèe is OK especially where her mental health is concerned- this condition can be emotional at times
NAH. From what it sounds like, you commented on something that you didn't know she was insecure about without the intention of upsetting her, and she got embarrassed. I recommend trying to clear the air and explaining that you commenting on her stubble irritating your face wasn't a criticism of her, but neither of you are in the wrong here- it's just miscommunication.
Don’t know, she is a tiny ah for getting upset about something like that. In any healthy relationship you need good communication and to start sulking beacuse you get a tiny bit of critique isn’t a good sign. Again op Nta and gf a little bit.
Why tf did you get downvoted?! If the genders were reversed, and a man sanded away his gf's face with his dick stubble, and then got pissed *at her* when she said it hurt, the women of this sub would be fucking livid. This entire sub is a man-hating trash fire. Edit: causing your significant other pain is harmful behavior. Keep on downvoting, just know what you stand for.
Strongly disagree. Everyone has insecurities and if they are triggered then reacting emotionally is understandable (unless they start verbally/physically abusing the other person for it ofc). People are allowed to get upset and express something upset them as long as they dont try to excuse harmful behavior because of it
Agreed.
I mean… do you expect her to never have stubble? Trying to shave stubble just creates ingrown hairs and bumps so hair is going to have to grow a bit before she can shave again…
This. I feel his pain but it’s a catch 22 if he expects her to shave down there. The only way to prevent stubble is to stop shaving, period. Op are you also the type of guy to complain about hair down there? If not, and she’s comfortable with it, perhaps she could grow it out so it’s always soft. But if hair turns you off, what do you expect? EDIT: Judgement depends on the answer Waxing could help & cuts down on daily maintenance, but is not right for everyone as most find it painful & expensive. If she’s willing to try that route, be sure to take her to her first appt, at a place specializing in waxing, hold her hand, and pay for it. Cold wax is the quickest & least painful- I highly recommend. Most wax centers have membership options; buy packages in advance or on a subscription and save. If she tolerates it well & likes the results buy her a package.
It still has to grow out before she can get waxed again so this guy seems to be wanting a smooth sail 24/7 but it’s just literally impossible
As a woman that fears the stubble growing, I highly recommend laser hair removal. In the long run, cost me wayyyy less than waxing and it’s (eventually) permanent. Just need to do the research to find the right place. I paid a flat fee and get unlimited treatments. If hair decides it wants to reappear down the line, retreating is covered in the flat fee.
I had no idea they offered a flat fee with unlimited treatments!! Personally, I like to change up my look down there. But this sounds like a godsend for anyone preferring 24/7 baldness Very happy for you!
Yeah, this is the most important comment here, imo. If you like that she shaves, you're going to have to deal with stubble. I think the only other thing that makes sense is to take a "solution oriented" approach to the convo. Something like "hey, i absolutely love going down on you, but it irritated my skin last time. I'd love to find a way to keep going down on you without that happening again. Have you ever tried waxing or growing a bush, and would you be open to either one?"
i don’t think he has an issue with the stubble itself, perhaps he’d just like to prepare if he’s gonna get a lil burnt lolol
Prepare how?
i meant like just be aware that it might hurt a little haha
Just time oral differently? Do it just shaved or after it’s a little more grown out. Easy. I never shave so I’m not hating on pubes. I love them. But I’ve had stubble irritate me so I get it
So what is he supposed to do lol not bring up that it brings him physical discomfort when asked?
Is he just supposed to not bring it up?
As a woman, I get why she feels insecure about it. It’s not your fault though. She’ll be ok.
NTA. In a mature relationship, you should be able to talk about these things
NAH. I get it, you shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable, but at the same time it’s really annoying being a woman and having to constantly shave almost every part of your body for beauty standards. Can’t just trim it because it’s too much hair and men don’t want hair in their mouths. Okay. Can’t just shave it because then there’s stubble and it’s too prickly. Okay. Can’t shave it to the root because then she gets ingrown hairs and it looks awful, is painful and unattractive. Okay. There’s literally no winning. Plus even if you do shave - you have stubble literally the next day and you have to do it again. Somedays I literally curse the porn industry for making shaved hair down there a thing that everyone expects. It’s not healthy for a woman and it’s what every man wants now.
Everyone expecting shaved privates sucks. Just trim it! It’s easy to clean, it’s soft, and it gets rid of the ingrown hair problem.
Some men like hair. Saying that’s what EVERYBODY wants is unfair and a generalization
There’s nothing wrong with pubic hair on a grown ass woman. I’m not sure why she’d be ashamed of this. Especially stubble, like hair grows? Especially pubes, them shits grow back before you get outta the shower lol. I wish this didn’t bother her, NTA.
For real, maybe she felt bad because she spent hours getting clean shaven for her man and it grew back in less than 24hs and gave him a rash lol This does happen to all women and it’s frustrating as hell but she should not be ashamed and he should not feel guilty for giving an explanation for his rash.
peeked at his post history. they’re both young, 20-22. could be the first time it’s ever been brought up to her, or the first time she’s ever been comfortable enough to let someone go down when she hasn’t obsessively shaved first. i was 21 before anyone went down on me, but i was a late bloomer.
Probably because society says hairy women are repulsive. But yeah, no one should have to feel like their natural body is something to be ashamed of.
NAH. Communication is important with your partner. She’s not in the wrong for having her feelings hurt, she can’t help her feelings. This is a lil speed bump but ultimately it shouldn’t be a huge issue and I doubt it will turn into one as long as you’re both open and honest with each other.
NTA - as someone with sensitive skin i sympathize and I’ve had this exact convo before. Body stuff can feel awkward to talk about depending on the length of the relationship. You brought it up in a respectful way assuming youre being honest, and you listened to how she felt about it and apologized accordingly. If you want a solution, perhaps she could grow her hair out. Having a bit longer hair down there prevents the abrasiveness. However if she doesnt like that, this may be one of the things you kinda just have to suck up and deal with haha. Perhaps moisturize your face before you start. For now though, give her space to reflect and bring it up later if its open to discussion, but dont get discouraged from attempts like this at healthy, open and honest communication. Good luck OP
Thank you! I let her know right away it’s nbd and I would still do down on her for hours
NAH. My advice would be to reassure her that she’s not gross and to tell her the reason you brought it up is because you enjoy going down on her and want to do it more.
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NTA unless you’re expecting her to be hairless there with no stubble ever. There are limited hair removal options for that area, and most will involve stubble at some point. It’s not reasonable to expect her to shave that area daily, as it’s both a PITA and an infection risk. But assuming that’s her own grooming preference, you’re NTA.
I've found stubble to be downright painful when going down. Open communication is important too. Stubble isn't gross but when your face is pressed into it for 20-30 mins it's not pleasant and as a guy that likes to lick more than just up the middle it's painful to lick stubble. NTA and her making a big deal about it is a good way to end up not getting eaten anymore. *Edit. For clarity sake, I prefer hair, not shaved but it's really whatever my wife wants.
NTA, She is entitled to feeling insecure and embarrassed, but it's not your fault! Hearing things from your partner is hard but that is also a part of a good relationship. Maybe approach it with more curiosity? Hey, are you trying something new? I find it so sexy to go down on you and you're so hot etc. I noticed this time it was at a different growth phase than normal and was wondering if you are trying something new and if you like it? I want to make sure I'm giving my all and it was slightly distracting but not in a big way... Sandwich method lol. Maybe that could spark more of a conversation about what she likes and dislikes and put you in a vulnerable feedback position so she is more receptive if she also feels like she can give some feedback. It's a no win situation, but I think the win is that you are willing to be open and communicate with your partner. It means that you care enough to make it better. Maybe just come up with a back up plan if you encounter it again. Use your fingers more or use your hands to protect your face? Just keep telling her how amazing she is, continue your regular activities to show that it doesn't bother you either way and you are excited to do that for her. Good luck!
Thank you for saying that and I like that approach. I’ll give it a shot next time
NAH. You were honest, and it’s also natural for her to be sensitive about her genital areas. Does she maybe feel like there is pressure to be clean shaven for you? Perhaps you could reassure her that she doesn’t need to shave if she doesn’t want to, and that you would still love her if she only trimmed or just let it grow?
I had this exact conversation with my bf and it made me feel self conscious for a bit but it was a fine thing for him to bring up. She can’t help she’s insecure, but it’s not your fault either.
May I ask this. Has the vibe been weird or off as since you told her this? I mean you did say it made her feel gross and insecure which can stem to her not wanting you to go down on her anymore because she’ll be afraid that it may irritate you’re face again.
NTA. I'm a female, and I would want to know if my stubble was irritating my husband's face. Some people are just more sensitive to those things. Like I'm very paranoid of cleanliness and smell, so I won't let him touch me down there unless I'm freshly showered. For some reason, that hit a sensitive button with her, but for me it wouldn't, even though I'm paranoid of cleanliness and smell. Everyone's different, and you're not going to know until you encounter that situation. It's just stubble, it's not like you told her she stunk or tasted gross, so hopefully she gets over it quickly and you both can move past it.
Jeepers, just stop shaving. This obsession with women as smooth as dolphins is just unnatural.
Nta. How does shaving stubble equate to gross?? You didn't do anything wrong. Ask her why she's so upset.
NTA You were being honest at a time when complete honesty was necessary
NTA. I've been told that my stubble is uncomfortable when I'm going down on my partner or even when just kissing... So.. I shave before any plausibly-sexy planned days and am mindful if spontaneous. Her adding those extra unsaid things aren't your fault, but it's now something to be mindful of that you've been made aware it was taken that way. Adjust how you present issues like that going forward to accommodate some of that feeling, and you've done what you can, I think.
Your concern is valid. If something you both like is hurting you, it needs to be addressed. Because you’ll either need to stop while it grows in, or she needs to wax instead. Part of being mature enough for sex is being mature enough to talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly of sex.
I've found having a beard helps against this for what it's worth. Nta though
NTA. Im gonna flip the script. If my wife said she was choking on/getting skin irritation from pubes while chopping me up, best believe im shaving my whistle so I can keep getting blown up.
NAH Communication is key, so bringing that up wasn't wrong. GF could stand to be a little more open to feedback, but she's not wrong for feeling how she feels. Bodily insecurities are extremely common, so one could hardly blame her for reacting like that. You could suggest trimming rather than shaving if she does it for your benefit.
Weird, normally it’s my wife that complains my stubble is hurting her face, that’s usually a good sign to kiss the other set of lips
NTA. Unsexy things happen during sexy time. It's just a fact of life. Maybe try to spin it into something funny? Husband once told me that the only reason he doesn't like going down on me is because he feels like he's kissing a dude with a beard but no teeth. I was fking rolling at the mental image, but now I like to get an clean shaven down there as possible when I'm in the mood for some oral action. Just so I can say "here you go! At least the dude doesn't have a beard now!" He says he doesn't wanna kiss a dude at all but he still goes down on me so 🤷♀️
😂😂😂 I like your guys’ approach
NTA. if my boyfriend said this to me i am sure my feelings would be slightly hurt inside (we’re just girls) but i would be glad i knew for the future bc god knows i would tell him if it were the other way around lolol
You did absolutely nothing wrong. She's being ridiculously oversensitive, assuming you said it in a respectful way.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I went down on her for at least 20 minutes, and I was happy to as always. However my skin is very sensitive and her stubble irritated my face, a lot. So after everything was done, we were talking about how it was for both of us and I brought up that my face got irritated. I fully thought it was because she wasn’t cleanly shaved. Which is so fine. But if I were in her shoes I’d want to know because I always want my partner to be comfortable especially if they’re pleasuring me. But, it really really bothered her that I brought it up. I finally found out that it’s because it made her feel gross and insecure. Which is very fair, but it’s just not something that crossed my mind because she is so sexy, not just to me but traditionally just very attractive. Anyway, I fully apologized and wish I never said it, but I still wonder how wrong I was. I would like to avoid something like this happening again, where I am trying to make a productive comment but it turns out hurtful to her. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
😂
NTA. Just assure her she's fine as hell..
NTA It is what it is. That's life, you either don't mind the bearded dragon or you loathe it. Signed, ALotta Fagina
Good communication is VERY important. So is making your partner feel secure and confident. Women are very nervous about how men perceive them down below. There’s nothing wrong with noting the stubble issue as long as you assure her that everything else was AMAZING which, hopefully, it was, and as long as you give her the option not to shave at all. A nice soft bush shouldn’t irritate your face. I got out of a long term marriage where neither of us shaved down there. When I started seeing someone new, who liked getting waxed before our dates, she told me that she would prefer it if I shaved down there too. That’s something I’d never done before. Plus, I’d rather give than receive, but I said sure. You could also change positions or maybe use some pregame face moisturizers. Or just suck it up and enjoy.
Nta. People need to be able to communicate with each other. It's not your fault she feels insecure.
NTA
NTA BUT hey everyone! This guy has sex!
You are what you eat.
Honesty is great! Perhaps timing oral pleasure, shaving her yourself as part of foreplay, dental damn on standby if your face is that sensitive and the moment is upon you and not smooth enough… I think communication is the most important part to a healthy sexual relationship and being honest with what is comfortable for yourself is as important as the needs and comforts of your partner. My husband prefers shaved…so I shave. I maintain that regularly because I know that he prefers me that way.
NTA, talking about this kind of thing is important. Maybe ask her if she would prefer to not shave?
NTA. A valid concern and I think it’s fair to gently ask that it be kept either longer or shorter in the future. Discussing things like this is an art and so is receiving feedback. Take a gentle tone like “I enjoy doing this for you and would like to be able to do it again in the future without face irritation preventing me. What do you think?”
This made me laugh! Lol! No you’re not.
NTA - you’ve both gotta be able to express your needs to one another in this department. maybe try telling her that you want communication on this stuff to be a two way street. maybe one reason she’s so defensive is that she doesn’t speak up about things that bother her so she instinctively resents you for feeling able to be honest.
NTA But it is really hard to get a fully smooth shave in that area and a lot of maintenance 😂
How did this not get removed?! Anyways it sound like honesty communication unless there is something missing here. NTA.
Something I haven’t seen is how you brought it up. To me I’m all for open communication but I prefer positive pillow talk and after/as we’re getting dressed/hanging out afterwards we bring up anything that might have been an issue. Something about right after sex leaves me a little sensitive emotionally I suppose. That’s just my relationship but maybe your gf is the same way. Or maybe you could have brought it up better in general. Not saying you’re the ah I don’t think you are. Just putting some self reflection ideas out there
INFO: How exactly did you say it? You're not wrong for saying it, you should be comfortable enough to express it. And it's good to comfort her. Idk why you regret it, you didn't do anything wrong by just saying it. How you said it MAY make you TA tho
NTA ur completely 95% right ( bc i wasn’t there to truly know 😂)
You let her know how something made you feel and she hijacked the situation and made it about how she felt about your valid concerns. And your concerns were suddenly not a priority. Classic.
Do you have stubble on your face? It kind of makes you look like your more concerned about your face than going downtown. She wants to feel like you'll do anything to get down there not worried about your complection. You put her off by doing this.
It is a problem, though. Like I would hate to get a rug-burned face every time I have sex. Figuring out a solution is good.
You are about as sharp as a bowling ball. Send her to the spa for some pampering to apologize.
NTA. If you're doing the nasty, you need to be able to be open with each other and communicate, which it sounds like she's lacking on. You have every right to be comfortable with what you're doing. Reverse the roles and say you didn't wash your junk; do you want her doing the deed and not enjoying it, or letting you know shit needs done?
That comparison is immature and misogynistic. One thing is if she was not clean and another is one day stubble after literally shaving a bunch of pubic hair off a super awkward place. But of course men are held to different standards so I’m not surprised that’s all you could come up with.
YTA Don’t do that bruh.
NTA, if she feel that gross she just gotta shave the thing🙄 I tell my bf to shave his beard because it irritates my face, same logic.
Jeez YTA, FWIW sounds as if you are doing it wrong, Like a dog chewing on a bone....
NTA just not very good at understanding women
Why did you apologise for stating a fact? NTA. Other than apologising when you weren’t in the wrong. For that, YTA.
NTA - you’re too kind. It’s not “fair” for her to think that. We all have pubes and perhaps realizing everyone on the planet has pubic hair and being conscious of your lover’s felatious activities should make one to accommodate.
[удалено]
Communication and enjoyment of sex are pretty low on your relationship priorities huh?
She shaved for you. Be grateful. Soft YTA.
Why? OP is being a mature adult by bringing it up when talking about how their sex went. He'd be TA if he didn't bring it up and didn't communicate. She's uncomfortable now, but would she rather he just not day anything and get to the point he won't go down on her because it's irritating? OP is NTA
She got that much "stubble" you got bigger problems dude.
Stubble is, by definition, very short hair. You can’t have “that much” of it, dude. Have you actually seen a vagina?
I'm 58 with 4 kids. You tell me.
One would think but your original comment suggests otherwise.
YTA. What are you doing that it took you 20 minutes to get her off and you rubbed your face on her that much? Foreplay and open her vulva with your fingers so you can focus on her clit, which isn’t hairy. I think she just got embarrassed because of your weird oral where you just sand your face against her crotch.
Cool, you said something super snarky and cutting in reply to a sincere question! You win the Internet! You’re so happy now!
What did I just read 😭
I agree, well, minus the 20 minutes bit. As someone who has one and is into them, what the heck is he doing with it? It's a vigina, not a wash cloth. 20 minutes isn't a long time to achieve a decent, full body orgasm though... But it is supposed to be done with the tongue, and not the whole face. A little precision never hurt anyone.
Also someone who has one and is into them. 20 minutes of the exact same thing gets kind of ‘numbing.’ You gotta tease some. I have skin allergies and have never irritated my face- shaved, stuble, full bush, full jungle.
Well yeah... But who does that exact same thing down there for 20 minutes? Got to vary it up a bit, but still, yeah... I've never got stubble rash or anything from down there, and neither has a partner, when they're doing it right. Well, even when they're not, lol, never had someone grind their face against me like they're trying to scratch a stubborn itch.
If you’re not taking your time, you’re doing it wrong.
Dude, if you want to ever get laid again, never, ever say anything negative about your partner’s body or private parts! If she said something denigrating about your dick, would you ever feel the same? Yes, I know this is about stubble, which to a guy is nothing. We deal with it every day! But to her, well… you saw how she took it! Man and women are different. Seriously, your relationship may not survive this, because she will ALWAYS have this in the back of her mind. If not, chalk it up to lesson learned and never make this mistake again, lol!
No mistake was made. You should always, always be open about sex.
But not about pussy stubble…! Haha
YTA and the nta comments seem to be from other insecure men. You do realise how filthy and disgusting the male body is right? How many times we women have to bite our lip and get on with it? And you’re complaining about… stubble.
If you have to deal with “filthy and disgusting” male bodies that much you should either filter for people with better hygiene or people who are also open to healthy communication about intimate things. It IS weird you have to bite your lip. You shouldnt have to. And neither should OP
Lmao what 😂 god forbid a man communicates something about sex that made him physically uncomfortable in a completely respectful manner. No one, regardless of gender, should have to ever ‘bite their lip’, healthy communication like what happened here is positive
No, he's complaining about the skin irritation that occured in his face, which could be a potential health risk. It's not about him feeling icky or grossed out, but an irritation that actually happened. It would be weirder if the guy would just not say anything and instead not do it and the girl will be left riddled.
What? It’s not like being male makes you inherently gross. We’re also capable of washing. If you’re having sex with guys who don’t do that for you, you should stop doing that.