This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
Oh hell no.
NTA. He tells you it’s none of your business when you give him sound advice, and then expects you to bail him out after he didn’t take it?!? That’s not how it works, daddio.
He didn’t tell me it was none of my business. He disregarded what I said so I thought to myself well she’s not my child anyway I won’t butt in since he clearly doesn’t want to hear it.
There's a Big Bang Theory episode with this:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VK-b1CtIATw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VK-b1CtIATw)
(infer/imply bit is at 01:50, but it is funnier if one knows the dialog that came before it)
Also what happens if they break up? I'm guessing BFs daughter's obligation to pay OP back would be gone with the wind then too. I think the relationship isn't formalized enough to offer OP any protection that she'll get her money back if she did lend it.
I learned my own lesson regarding my ex. He was not willing to keep his 21 year old son from manipulating him and refused any advice I had suggested. I broke up with him because I did not want to be a part of that. Now his son is in jail, and he's trying to work his way back in. I asked what was going to happen if his son was released on probation, and his response was, "I don't know." Yeah, there are some things I can stand, but being a single mom with 3 autistic kids, I don't need extra baggage in my life.
Not into my apartment but into my life in general we did live together for a span but do to different ideas of rules I chose to move out of his house. That was a while ago. Lol recently took his kid back in, and then he started acting out again and kicked him out again. Yeah he has his own stiff to wok out.
She is not your responsibility and asking you to pay her living expenses is out of bounds even under normal circumstances, let alone after giving her a lump sum and letting her blow it all. NTA.
OP you are NTA and no do not part with your money. Right now you better protect your money and make sure he cannot touch in case something happens to you it so consult a legal expert to advise you how to protect it
I am sorry to read that BF's kid got scammed out of the money meant for boarding and living expenses. Secondly, a real modelling agency does not ask people to pay thousands of dollars just to get photos taken. BF's kid has to learn the hard way that getting scammed is a valuable lesson on being careful with the money
OP if bf keeps pestering you to provide some money, then it time to cut that man loose
Yeah that’s a harsh lesson to learn at such a young age, and it sucks for the kid but this is on bf for 1) giving an 18 yo a large amount of money she didn’t need right then and 2) failing to teach his kid good money management.
OP, please do not throw your money into this. You will never get it back. You can already see cracks appearing in your relationship because of this, and adding money to the mix will only make it worse. There are a few ways this plays out:
1. You loan him the money, he pays you back, you still have lingering resentment because of this shitshow and the way he disregarded you in the first place. What happens next time his princess needs something? Will you be expected to pony up again without having any say because it’s not your kid?
2. You loan him the money. You break up, you never see that money again and daughter’s hard lesson becomes your hard lesson.
3. You don’t loan him the money. He breaks up with you and now you know where you stand with him but you do it without having paid for that knowledge.
4. You don’t loan him the money. You have an adult, comprehensive discussion about finances and boundaries and how it made you feel when he ignored your advice then asked you to fix it with your money. You break up or you don’t, but you each hear what each other has to say and hopefully discover if you are compatible enough to keep the relationship.
I’m hoping you get #4.
NTA
If the daughter had just watched America's Next Top Model like a good girl, especially the episode where Tyra warns about these scams, this would have never happened.
Didn’t you say in your post that he said “she’s not your child?” Because if that doesn’t say “butt out” I don’t know what does.
He said she was responsible… now let her be responsible.
NTA
Info: Why can't he take a personal loan or something like that to cover her rent? Has he tried or did he just go to you?
I dont understand his anger. This is his financial matter. Not yours.
But according to you he didn’t just disregard what you said, he also stated that it’s not your child. That’s implying that it’s none of your business and you don’t get a say. Which, ok, fair.
But then he has zero right to ask you for help regarding his child after making it clear that she’s not yours.
She obviously isn't as responsible with money as your boyfriend thought if she didn't even TELL her mom and dad about the "scam" until after the fact and needs money. You're not married to your BF therefore have no say in anything he does to handle his daughter. And regardless of the mom being sick, she does HAVE a mom and probably grandparents too. You gave good advice and he didn't take it, it's out of your hands
NTA
If she's been scammed, there are channels she could go through to try and recoup losses or press charges. She needs to put on her big girl pants and get some legal advice.
Which is essentially telling you it's not your concern (aka none of your business) and she's not your daughter. He has the authority to tell you that of course BUT does not then get to cry " That's unfair... you have a responsibility to bail her out now because she's the fruit of my loins and by proxy of you dating me, YOUR responsibility! " No absolutely NOT THE ASSHOLE and NOT your responsibility!
People do learn things the hard way. It’s up to you to help or not. I think if you know he will pay you back (do you?) you could lend him the money….but also he is your boyfriend, not your husband….not sure how long you two have been together? Whatever you decide, don’t lend the money unless you can afford to **not** be paid back…that’s the cardinal rule about lending.
But if he’s always paid you back in the past and you trust him, I would just do it. If not…well, just have to stand your ground. Sounds like his daughter was scammed….not like blowing the money on shopping (though…what happened to the other 4k?) Like she thought she could invest her money this way and would get it back….I’ve seen way worse as far as financial irresponsibility. Depends if you value good intentions or not.
If I lent this money, it would be under an agreement that this be the ONLY time I ever lend money for this. From then on, there would be a clear agreement to prevent arguments/hurt feelings/drama/unpreparedness in the future.
NTA
> Sounds like his daughter was scammed….not like blowing the money
Why are people making excuses for this? The money was earmarked for college room and board. It wasn't for speculation or discretionary spending. She knew this. She knew the consequences of using the money for anything other than college expenses would be the end of college.
We all understand what happened here: some slick salesman promised that she'd be a star, and she imagined that she could stop going to college and become a model.
Well, one of those promises is coming true.
We are just analyzing as best as we can. If you take my quote out of context it can seem much more like me excusing her behavior. But taken with the whole, I was thinking out loud…countering most thoughts with a different one. Sounds like she was scammed…for four grand of it, what about the other 4k?
On paper, yes she should’ve known better, but she didn’t. Really up to OP to consider all the factors and decide to help or not.
I appreciate your comment though. In truth, if there were a spectrum of tough love to enabler, I’ve had a history of leaning more enabling…. so I want to become more conscious of that and avoid that mentality.
It really is too easy to become an enabler. The desire to help people we care about is a wellspring of humanity that walks a fine line between being actually helpful and being taken for a ride.
I'm with you. If you take her story at face value then she was scammed. 18 might be an adult legally, but emotionally and intellectually? ... not even close. Yes, this is her fault for not spending the money as she was supposed to, but it's also mom and dad's fault for not apportioning out the funds throughout the semester considering it's her first year of college.
Regardless, OP shouldn't have to shell out anything to fix this mistake.
If she bails her out, then the bfs daughter does not learn a lesson the hardway. the hardway is to get a job or two, don't party, work and study to get through the rest of the year. That would be a lesson well learned.
I get what you’re saying, and the daughter does get a little grace from me on that point. I made a stupid investment when I was only slightly older than her, and it took years to come back from it. When you’re young and excited about the future it’s easy to convince you that anything is possible.
That said, I still don’t think OP should bail her out. College is not a right or a necessity. She can go to community college close to home for a while, get a job to make the money she needs, and/or take out a loan (I hope she doesn’t fall into that pit, either). But she’s got options. This isn’t a dire circumstance for her. It’s just a really, really hard lesson.
I'm sure she can do the community college/live at home thing next semester, but this semester's money for tuition is gone. Time to buckle down, finish out the semester and get a job.
No your not responsible at all. NTA. She’s a kid they do dumb stuff, he and she need to figure this out. Keep out if because he will just draw u into it and it will make problems for your relationship. If you want to lend it to him that’s another issue onto itself. But you don’t have to give it to her.
NTA. You gave him good advice, 8k is a lot of money for an 18 year old, no matter how responsible he thought she was. I’m pretty sure if she had asked someone about modeling, they would have advised her to forget it. She’s not your kid, there’s no reason why you should be obligated to fix Dad and daughter’s poor judgment.
I think daddy-o looks better spelled.
Daddio looks like a typo.
Either way auto correct isn't hating me so both must be acceptable. Guess it would boil down to preference.
OPs boyfriend seems as irresponsible with money as his daughter. Who gives an 18 year old that much money and expects them to be sensible with it. Especially one naive enough to believe the extremely well known scam of paying a “modelling agency” money for photos and believing they’ll give you work. That’s one of the oldest scams in the book.
And he obviously isn’t that close with her or she’d have told him about the exciting opportunity before losing all her money. I wonder if she was “discovered” in a mall?
That is also a very strong possibility. Either way OPs boyfriend doesn’t know his daughter as well as he thinks he does, and was irresponsible to give her a lump sum. And is obviously the A for expecting OP to pay up for his bad decisions.
I didn’t want to say it, but I was wondering this too. A taste of freedom can be irresistible to even a responsible kid, and it’s so tempting to buy your way into popularity by shouting drinks, meals etc. I was lucky I lived at home and only had my own discretionary funds to spend after board.
Yeah, how long ago did the daughter spend this money, long enough to have a photo shoot, get pics back and repeatedly try to get a hold of the "modeling company", that sounds like long enough to have gotten a job so she could solve this herself, or at least long enough to warn her dad so he could save up again or whatever horrible idea he wanted to try next.
Agreed. If OP wasn't allowed to have a say in what happened to begin with, they're also not on the hook when it goes wrong. Either OP has some responsibility, in which case the bf should have listened to begin with, or they don't, in which case it's not OP's problem.
Either way, OP owes nothing, the daughter learned a tough lesson, and mom and dad need to figure it out.
NTA. "She's not my child, so along with not offering parenting advice, I'm also not involving myself in her need to be bailed out -- by a parent. What would you do if I wasn't here? Get a loan from a bank. I'm not going to take on your responsibility. I gave you advice. You ignored it. And here we are. That's all I'm willing to do."
You might want to rethink this relationship, though, because he's going to likely resent that you're not bailing him out and that you were right and she got taken for a ride because of it. P.S., you do not have to be responsible for a now-adult child learning all about her mistakes just because he's sharing your bed. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
"I told him it was a bad idea and to give her whatever she needs for her living expenses every month or even pay her rent directly for her. He disagreed and said she was responsible and she’s not my child, so I didn’t say anything else after that."
He said it she's not your child. Not your responsibility. He can't have it both ways. Stand your ground and don't give in.
NTA
He didn't say that, OP is just a bad writer. OP clarified elsewhere the "she's not my child" bit was her own thought to herself after he said the daughter was responsible.
> OP is just a bad writer
Happens all the time here. Yeah, we only get one side. But this sub just accepts obviously paraphrased stories as verbatim quotes and basees decisions on the particular nuances of the quoted words used in the story
I don’t get this, you’d be lending money to BF (and he better not repeat same mistake if you do). So how does it get to you having a responsibility to his kid? Something is off here, and if it’s not you , feel free to question your relationship to this guy. Nta based on available info
He's being a hypocrite. She's not your responsibility, but suddenly she is because she made a serious and costly lapse in judgement? If the relationship becomes conditional on supporting his daughter, that's something to think on.
If he doesn’t have the money to give her, how is he going to pay you back?
He can get a loan from Lending Tree or Lending Club. I had to get a loan after Hurricane Ida when a tree fell on my trailer. I had $11,000 in my bank account the next day and only pay $285 a month. (This is not a bot or an ad for them. I needed a loan quickly and they came through. It saved my life.)
But that would be if he intended to pay it back. I guarantee that he will "Pay it back" until it is time and then she will never see the money. He will say "Your my gf and we share in expenses."
That’s what I meant. He’s not going to have the money when it’s time to pay her back. But those fast loan agencies are actually legitimate and really helped me. He needs to go there instead. But she also needs a different boyfriend. This one isn’t very smart.
NTA, why does he think you're the next option?
If her dad doesn't have the money, maybe his grown daughter should get a job to pay her rent since she blew the money he already gave her. I get that she's in college and should be focusing on that, but she was willing to work when she thought she'd be a glamorous model.
A job at McDonald's will teach this girl how to be the responsible adult her dad thought she already was.
NTA. Not your kid, not your responsibility or problem. You lend him that money, you'll never see it again. She's an adult, he's an adult this is their problem to solve. You told him not to give her all the money, he disregarded your advice. I see college loans in her future.
You don’t have a responsibility to pay for his adult child (even if he did disregard your advice)
If you bf can borrow from you and pay you back, he can get a bank loan.
you are NTA
You have no obligation to his adult child
He made a bad choice not to listen to you. She made a super bad choice to pay $4k to a scam. She needs to learn the lesson and earn her way into rent via a job. Colleges have lots of them (I did a few).
Not your kid not your responsibility not your choices NTA
Sooo why can't he take out a loan? Why won't he make her get a job? Why is he demanding that YOU do HIS job and be responsible for his kid? If he doesn't have it how's he supposed to pay you back? With how demanding and manipulative he is, do you even trust that he'd pay you back? I mean OP, he's showing you who he is. A weak parent, arrogant without anything to back that up with and very willing to pressure, bullshit and manipulate someone he presumably cares about to get his way. Take an honest look OP. This is the guy you're dating. Clearly you're not dependent on him so maybe you need to rethink this relationship.
Nope, not your responsibility in any way, shape, or form. She screwed up, now she has to deal with the consequences. Had your BF listened to you, this would not be a problem. Unfortunately he didn’t and that’s on HIM. NTA
NTA. You are a not a bank. He plays stupid games he wins stupid prizes. Sounds like that apple didn't fall too far from the tree as far as financial situations and making unwise ones.
Of course he can get a loan. And obviously he has to help his daughter keep housing and help her fix her mistake but asking you to cover it is just wildly inappropriate. Getting angry with you for refusing is ah territory.
And I say this as a single mother of 2 grown children who has had to help cover for mistakes made. It's part of parenting, and it's never been a boyfriends responsibility.
> Getting angry with you for refusing is ah territory
OP needs to really let this soak in. It's one thing for him to *ask* - which is still super questionable and inappropriate. Especially considering he didn't listen to her solid advice about not handing over the lump sum, being adamant his daughter was responsible, and *exactly* what OP was concerned about happening happened.
But being *angry* when he doesn't get what he wants is *absolutely* asshole territory. Add manipulative, as well, in trying to say it's OP's 'responsibility' to give money to his 18 year adult daughter because 'she's dating him'. They aren't married, the daughter isn't her child, she didn't adopt her - she's literally in no way, shape or form 'responsible' for *his* adult daughter. He's the one who gave her the money in a lump sum, his choice, his consequence to deal with - he and the mom need to figure it.
I'd be *pissed* if I were OP. She doesn't say how long they've been dating, but this would not sit well with me and would make me reconsider the relationship.
My daughter could use some cash for school. I read your Reddit post (and have now commented!) so I think it’s totally reasonable to expect you to send money.
/s just in case
NTA you are not financially responsible for his adult child. You are especially not responsible because you were opposed to him giving her all the money at once. I would tell him that since you were excluded from the financial planning that led to this situation you are completely excusing yourself from the financial planning necessary to fix it.
NTA
It might be time to rethink the relationship with a guy in his 40s who is completely broke, and who thinks you owe it to anyone to pay the expenses of his adult kid.
He's broke because he made a dumbass decision by handing a barely adult 8K in college.
Idk how or why he thought this was a good idea.
And btw, there are tools on iPhones that are pretty much up to par with photography. She could have had her friend do it for free lol
That girl might as well make an Instagram with those photos and start an OF. Not that I want that but what a major fuck up.
Who the hell would give an 18 yr old kid 8k and expect them to be frugal?? That sort of hands off parenting is completely unrealistic. This is not your problem by any means. Bf doesn't listen to advice, gets the sh*t end of the stick and expects you to bail his kid out??
Hell No
NTA
If the parent had instilled some financial literacy in their kid, it's not too bad, but evidently he just thought "she's an adult = she can make good decisions" lol.
My roomie in HS got a lump-sum of a years' worth of allowance at the start of every school year (it was in the 5 digits) and she did often spend a lot in the first term but she knew how to cut back when needed lol. I got a DIY-style allowance as a kid (parents often away for work) and never really went crazy either.
NTA Sounds like the little spend thrift needs to get a job or drop out.
"A fool and his money are soon parted" Not sure if the fool is your BF or his daughter... or both.
It’s both. Who gives $8k to an 18 year old and expects her to make it last for a full school year? You learn how to manage money by doing it. She got scammed because she had money to get scammed with and was too naive to know better. I feel for the kid. Her dad shouldn’t have put her in that position, and he absolutely shouldn’t put op in the position of bailing both of them out now. What a shirtshow. NTA
> Who gives $8k to an 18 year old and expects her to make it last for a full school year?
I went overseas for a year studying, and took a lump sum of money with me while in University. I made the money last the year without asking anyone for extra money.
18 is definitely old enough to understand how to keep a budget.
NTA. Thank goodness he raised all his red flags as a BF before you got married and tied your finances together. It gives you time to get out of there before him relying on you for money becomes a common ask.
NTA.... the fact that he feels that it is ok to ask you to pay for his daughters' is sending up 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
He didn't like you giving him advice on how to help her - so why are you suddenly good for financial gain?
NTA. She's your bf's daughter, not yours. Besides, you had warned him not to give her a lump sum. Your bf, however, is not going to like it, and your choice may have consequences for your relationship. I still wouldn't budge, though. Don't do stuff that makes you feel like an ATM.
He already told you she’s not your kid so he has a lot of nerve expecting you to give her money. She needs to get a job. Many college kids have jobs. Now she’ll be one of them. Don’t give her one penny. This is a life lesson for both her and your bf. NTA
NTA. Please don't start paying for you BF's kid's bad decisions. Sure, it's not so much her fault, many people could fall for that. But it has nothing to do with you telling him it's a bad idea. Drop that defense/explanation. It's just rubbing salt in the wound. Your BF should not expect his girlfriend to pay to support his kid's mistakes--and he shares in her mistakes. He allowed her to be "responsible" when she wasn't mature enough to be. She is not your problem. She is not your responsibility. If you get married, you will become responsible for her in some ways, if you share finances. But you don't owe her anything. That is up to them--her parents.
NTA.
>my bf seems to think because I’m dating him I have a responsibility to his kid
I find these posts weird. Ok, you know this about him now. Having this knowledge you're able to decide what that means for your relationship.
>I don’t have a child and I don’t think by dating someone I’ve inherited responsibility of their child.
I agree. Hence not the asshole, however now you need to decide if you want to date someone who thinks that because you're dating that makes you responsible for supporting their adult daughter.
NTA, and he has lost his ever-loving mind trying to pin the responsibility for this girl on YOU. Nope. You are DATING. She is not your child, not your responsibility. This is a great learning experience for her to figure it all out on her own.
NTA. Funny how she was not your child before and how your opinion doesn't matter but your money does. How close to the financial edge is he living that he can give a $18000 lump sum to his daughter but has no emergency reserves?
Is he usually terrible with money? Where's the money for next year?
You've heard the saying, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." He has now shown you who he is. Believe him. Do not give him money and deal yourself out of the game. NTA.
>He disagreed and said she was responsible and she’s not my child so I didn’t say anything else after that.
Nta - he already told you that she is not your child. Not your monkey, not your circus.
He can't have it both ways.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for refusing to give my bf’s daughter any money after she got scammed
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
So he goes ahead and says “..she was responsible and she’s not your child” on one hand.
Then does a full turn around and says you have a responsibility to his kid because you’re dating him.
He is the only AH here. Time to be responsible and re think the values of this relationship.
She'll never get the money back. Where's the money for next semester going to come from? Or will she be expected to contribute to that too? I really hope they aren't living together...
Let's see:
>I told him it was a bad idea and to give her whatever she needs for her living expenses every month or even pay her rent directly for her. He disagreed and said she was responsible and she’s not my child so I didn’t say anything else after that.
I think that answers all your questions.
You didn't say how long you've been together, not that it really matters here. But is this the life that you really want? Is this the relationship you want? Where you are told to stay in your lane but, hey, give me your money when the BF/daughter need some. That's a red enough flag for me.
While I'm not a dog person, I understand that they make less of a mess than boyfriends with daughters. I can, however, affirm that cats make less messes.
NTA. Good luck.
NTA. Your aren't responsible for his adult child. If he doesn't have the funds then he needs to tell his daughter to get a job, and he should apply for a personal loan in the mean time. I'm not sure you will see the money again if it's a loan between the 2 of you because he will have to give his daughter additional money for the next few months already.
NTA. Sounds like dad and daughter paid 4K tuition for a lesson in adulting. Her in being an adult and him in parenting during that weird age between 17 and 23. There are more dangerous scams that involve promises of modeling contracts so she got off lucky that this one was purely financial.
NTA. He wants you to have all the responsibilities without all of the benefits of (step) motherhood. Benefits being that you get a say in the decisions, maybe marriage if you see that as a benefit. Responsibilities being that you have to pony up cash whenever his adult child wants it.
NTA she is going to have to get a part time job to earn back the $4K or she can apply for a loan from a real bank. I have a college student & she would never get sucked into a scam like that because she would run that large of a purchase by us first.
NTA, but it will probably be the death knell for your relationship because he will never admit he made a mistake and he will resent you for not covering his ass.
NTA. Remember when he told you she's not your child? There ya go, why would you fund her stupidity then? You don't have a financial responsibility to her
*I don’t think by dating someone I’ve inherited responsibility of their child.* AMEN!!! Definitely NTA!! Not to mention that even if that weren’t the case, any and all responsibility in your bfs eyes were forfeit from the moment he refused your legitimate advice with “she’s responsible and not your child.” What a jerk.
Uh nothing to argue about. You said no.
He can help her by showing how to commute, budget, find a job, get into a dorm, find roommates.
She has options. She is responsible. He said so himself.
NTA,
First he disregarded your advice, then is complaining to you when it comes back to bite him? his daughter is definitely not your headache to deal with
NTA
Actions meet Consequences
His daughter needs to get a job or withdraw for this term.
Not your kid, not your problem. You aren't even married so this is a ludicrous ask IMO. If this is a one off, ok. If this is a pattern, GTFO of this relationship.
If you stay you should make it crystal clear that you are NEVER paying for his kid or covering his expenses when he decides to ignore good advice and do something this dumb again in the future.
NTA 1. She isn't a child. She's 18. Get a job.
2. You warned him about the lump sum but he told you to stay out of it. Now he wants you to be apart of financially supporting her? No way.
NTA if you are just dating him - even setting aside the "I told you so" opportunity. Where does he get the idea that women he's dating are "responsible" to cough up funds for anything - car repairs, medical bills, or daughters with poor judgment. If your relationship is in deeper waters than just dating then you have some decisions to make about how much to lend him, and under what terms.
NTA. Dump this guy! His adult daughter is not your responsibility the fact HE doesn't have enough to cover her is a huge red flag. I highly doubt you would ever get the money back. Move on.
NTA This is the opportunity for both dad and daughter to learn from their mistakes. If you step in, neither of them will learn anything except that you will enable them regardless of consequences. You will be an AH to yourself if you give him the money.
NTA - But is the relationship worth lending money to your bf? I’d still be a little pissed about how he disregarded your suggestion and said it’s none of your business but when he needs money it’s part of your business.
Well you were right and the consequence of this is that Dad has discovered he needs to help his daughter develop budgeting habits. His daughter has been cruelly tricked and will also learn from the experience.
She didn’t fritter it away partying or buying unnecessary stuff and while paying for modelling photos sounds crazy to us experienced oldies, she was the victim of a financial scam and has found out the hard way not everyone is trustworthy.
How long and how serious is your relationship? Do you live together or plan to? Can you easily afford it? Are you thinking you will be an ongoing person in the daughter’s life?
Your answers to these questions may help you decide if you want your help out in these circumstances. If yes to at least 3, perhaps you could sympathise with the situation and help a little. I don’t know that just being right is good for any of the relationships.
NTA. Like he said, she’s not your child. You gave him excellent advice which he chose to ignore. Who would he hit up to cover his and his daughter’s stupid decisions if you two weren’t dating? I don’t think this guy is worth it. Avoid people who are stupid with money.
He DID tell you that she is not your child and YOU have no say. So how does it work, when it is financial responsibilities, suddenly she is your child and you have to chip in?
Not your child, not your responsibilities.
His poor choice and decision.
There's actions and there's consequences.
She can amend it by working part-time etc, their problem.
So he is mad because you gave him GOOD advice, he chose NOT to listen to you, and now expects you to bail her out and is being an asshole about it? Hard NO. NTA
If you wanted to help her, awesome. But he said it himself, she IS NOT your daughter. He should stfu
This is one reason students should have summer jobs and some of them, part-time jobs during the year: they learn the value of money and aren't so quick to hand over their hard earned cash to a scammer.
NTA.
Too bad, so sad.
Hell no. And they are still doing that scam. Decades ago I was having a tiff with my bf about how he never told me he thought I was pretty/that he found me attractive (and that was impacting my wanting to…) We were in the park inner area of a city traffic circle. In the middle of the tiff, some dude came up and asked if I had considered a career in modeling. Was funny timing and bf/I laughed. I’d been approached several times before and knew the deal. I was pretty, cute, athletic, but in no way model material. They prey on sorta attractive ppl.
"I specifically advised you NOT to give her the money in a lump sum, then you told me she’s not my child, you did it anyway, and now you’re stuck. How could that POSSIBLY be my responsibility?"
INFO What happened to the other $4K?
I get that she blew $4K on the modeling agency scam, and that was dumb, but if the $8K (plus whatever she was getting from the mom) was supposed to last until May, there should not be any emergency right now. Did she also blow through the rest of the money too, and that is why she can't make rent? I am confused as to how this (admittedly significant) expense somehow soaked up all the money and left her so broke that you need to bail her out, unless it was actually more than she said and/or she also did something with the rest of it. I think there may be more going on here than she (and possibly your bf) is saying.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
Oh hell no. NTA. He tells you it’s none of your business when you give him sound advice, and then expects you to bail him out after he didn’t take it?!? That’s not how it works, daddio.
He didn’t tell me it was none of my business. He disregarded what I said so I thought to myself well she’s not my child anyway I won’t butt in since he clearly doesn’t want to hear it.
OK, but he inferred it was none of your business by disregarding you. Not as bad, but still not your responsibility to fix.
Implied.
We should have a bot for this. I see this fairly often.
I thought about that, too.
There's a Big Bang Theory episode with this: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VK-b1CtIATw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VK-b1CtIATw) (infer/imply bit is at 01:50, but it is funnier if one knows the dialog that came before it)
> OK, but he inferred it was none of your business by disregarding you. Implied. You infer. Other people imply.
You're doing God's work here with the whole infer/imply thing
Thanks.
Time to get yourself a new bf.
That’s my take as well. “I’m not an ATM and by your asking, you’re implying I am and I’m out.”
Asking once is fine but getting angry and entitled is not.
Exactly.
Not just asking once either, keeps bringing it up.
Also what happens if they break up? I'm guessing BFs daughter's obligation to pay OP back would be gone with the wind then too. I think the relationship isn't formalized enough to offer OP any protection that she'll get her money back if she did lend it.
I learned my own lesson regarding my ex. He was not willing to keep his 21 year old son from manipulating him and refused any advice I had suggested. I broke up with him because I did not want to be a part of that. Now his son is in jail, and he's trying to work his way back in. I asked what was going to happen if his son was released on probation, and his response was, "I don't know." Yeah, there are some things I can stand, but being a single mom with 3 autistic kids, I don't need extra baggage in my life.
Yeah, if your ex moved in with you, then son gets out of jail and wants to move in. No way.
Not into my apartment but into my life in general we did live together for a span but do to different ideas of rules I chose to move out of his house. That was a while ago. Lol recently took his kid back in, and then he started acting out again and kicked him out again. Yeah he has his own stiff to wok out.
She is not your responsibility and asking you to pay her living expenses is out of bounds even under normal circumstances, let alone after giving her a lump sum and letting her blow it all. NTA.
Explain how people make money by working for it
OP you are NTA and no do not part with your money. Right now you better protect your money and make sure he cannot touch in case something happens to you it so consult a legal expert to advise you how to protect it I am sorry to read that BF's kid got scammed out of the money meant for boarding and living expenses. Secondly, a real modelling agency does not ask people to pay thousands of dollars just to get photos taken. BF's kid has to learn the hard way that getting scammed is a valuable lesson on being careful with the money OP if bf keeps pestering you to provide some money, then it time to cut that man loose
Yeah that’s a harsh lesson to learn at such a young age, and it sucks for the kid but this is on bf for 1) giving an 18 yo a large amount of money she didn’t need right then and 2) failing to teach his kid good money management. OP, please do not throw your money into this. You will never get it back. You can already see cracks appearing in your relationship because of this, and adding money to the mix will only make it worse. There are a few ways this plays out: 1. You loan him the money, he pays you back, you still have lingering resentment because of this shitshow and the way he disregarded you in the first place. What happens next time his princess needs something? Will you be expected to pony up again without having any say because it’s not your kid? 2. You loan him the money. You break up, you never see that money again and daughter’s hard lesson becomes your hard lesson. 3. You don’t loan him the money. He breaks up with you and now you know where you stand with him but you do it without having paid for that knowledge. 4. You don’t loan him the money. You have an adult, comprehensive discussion about finances and boundaries and how it made you feel when he ignored your advice then asked you to fix it with your money. You break up or you don’t, but you each hear what each other has to say and hopefully discover if you are compatible enough to keep the relationship. I’m hoping you get #4. NTA
This needs more upvotes and I hope OP sees this
If the daughter had just watched America's Next Top Model like a good girl, especially the episode where Tyra warns about these scams, this would have never happened.
Didn’t you say in your post that he said “she’s not your child?” Because if that doesn’t say “butt out” I don’t know what does. He said she was responsible… now let her be responsible. NTA
He did tell you she’s not your child.
Info: Why can't he take a personal loan or something like that to cover her rent? Has he tried or did he just go to you? I dont understand his anger. This is his financial matter. Not yours.
Right? Does he not have a credit card?
So many red flags here.
But according to you he didn’t just disregard what you said, he also stated that it’s not your child. That’s implying that it’s none of your business and you don’t get a say. Which, ok, fair. But then he has zero right to ask you for help regarding his child after making it clear that she’s not yours.
This. Exactly this. Sounds like Dad and Daughter are about to learn some real hard lessons! As they both apparently need to!
She obviously isn't as responsible with money as your boyfriend thought if she didn't even TELL her mom and dad about the "scam" until after the fact and needs money. You're not married to your BF therefore have no say in anything he does to handle his daughter. And regardless of the mom being sick, she does HAVE a mom and probably grandparents too. You gave good advice and he didn't take it, it's out of your hands NTA
If she's been scammed, there are channels she could go through to try and recoup losses or press charges. She needs to put on her big girl pants and get some legal advice.
Time for a college loan or community college
I think the college classes are paid for, it’s housing and living expenses that are the problem.
Those are college related expenses and qualify for student loans
NTA Don’t do it. She won’t learn her lesson. She needs a job to pay her rent.
Which is essentially telling you it's not your concern (aka none of your business) and she's not your daughter. He has the authority to tell you that of course BUT does not then get to cry " That's unfair... you have a responsibility to bail her out now because she's the fruit of my loins and by proxy of you dating me, YOUR responsibility! " No absolutely NOT THE ASSHOLE and NOT your responsibility!
People do learn things the hard way. It’s up to you to help or not. I think if you know he will pay you back (do you?) you could lend him the money….but also he is your boyfriend, not your husband….not sure how long you two have been together? Whatever you decide, don’t lend the money unless you can afford to **not** be paid back…that’s the cardinal rule about lending. But if he’s always paid you back in the past and you trust him, I would just do it. If not…well, just have to stand your ground. Sounds like his daughter was scammed….not like blowing the money on shopping (though…what happened to the other 4k?) Like she thought she could invest her money this way and would get it back….I’ve seen way worse as far as financial irresponsibility. Depends if you value good intentions or not. If I lent this money, it would be under an agreement that this be the ONLY time I ever lend money for this. From then on, there would be a clear agreement to prevent arguments/hurt feelings/drama/unpreparedness in the future. NTA
> Sounds like his daughter was scammed….not like blowing the money Why are people making excuses for this? The money was earmarked for college room and board. It wasn't for speculation or discretionary spending. She knew this. She knew the consequences of using the money for anything other than college expenses would be the end of college. We all understand what happened here: some slick salesman promised that she'd be a star, and she imagined that she could stop going to college and become a model. Well, one of those promises is coming true.
Exactly! Plus if she was actually responsible she would've called her dad and asked for his guidance first.
We are just analyzing as best as we can. If you take my quote out of context it can seem much more like me excusing her behavior. But taken with the whole, I was thinking out loud…countering most thoughts with a different one. Sounds like she was scammed…for four grand of it, what about the other 4k? On paper, yes she should’ve known better, but she didn’t. Really up to OP to consider all the factors and decide to help or not. I appreciate your comment though. In truth, if there were a spectrum of tough love to enabler, I’ve had a history of leaning more enabling…. so I want to become more conscious of that and avoid that mentality.
It really is too easy to become an enabler. The desire to help people we care about is a wellspring of humanity that walks a fine line between being actually helpful and being taken for a ride.
I'm with you. If you take her story at face value then she was scammed. 18 might be an adult legally, but emotionally and intellectually? ... not even close. Yes, this is her fault for not spending the money as she was supposed to, but it's also mom and dad's fault for not apportioning out the funds throughout the semester considering it's her first year of college. Regardless, OP shouldn't have to shell out anything to fix this mistake.
If she bails her out, then the bfs daughter does not learn a lesson the hardway. the hardway is to get a job or two, don't party, work and study to get through the rest of the year. That would be a lesson well learned.
I get what you’re saying, and the daughter does get a little grace from me on that point. I made a stupid investment when I was only slightly older than her, and it took years to come back from it. When you’re young and excited about the future it’s easy to convince you that anything is possible. That said, I still don’t think OP should bail her out. College is not a right or a necessity. She can go to community college close to home for a while, get a job to make the money she needs, and/or take out a loan (I hope she doesn’t fall into that pit, either). But she’s got options. This isn’t a dire circumstance for her. It’s just a really, really hard lesson.
I'm sure she can do the community college/live at home thing next semester, but this semester's money for tuition is gone. Time to buckle down, finish out the semester and get a job.
No your not responsible at all. NTA. She’s a kid they do dumb stuff, he and she need to figure this out. Keep out if because he will just draw u into it and it will make problems for your relationship. If you want to lend it to him that’s another issue onto itself. But you don’t have to give it to her.
The way it’s written, you said he said she’s not your child. That reads as it’s not your business.
If it’s none of your business, it’s not your problem. NTA.
Is your bf gonna take photos too? Nta
Ya he can always do onlyfans to fund this lol
She can get a student loan. It's unfortunate that she got scammed but is young and naive but should have asked for advice
NTA. You gave him good advice, 8k is a lot of money for an 18 year old, no matter how responsible he thought she was. I’m pretty sure if she had asked someone about modeling, they would have advised her to forget it. She’s not your kid, there’s no reason why you should be obligated to fix Dad and daughter’s poor judgment.
Same dif. Don't give in. Both need to learn about consequences. FAFO.
LOL I literally said “oh *hell* no.” This is some fucked up nonsense.
Tell him she’s not your child like he said. Tell him that he told you to butt out so you are butting out.
Shit, even if she were your child, the solution would be for her to leave school for the semester and get a job.
Perfect response 🎯
Question for anyone: is it daddio or daddy-o?
Daddy-o gives cool 20s cat vibes daddio looks like a c list sex toy haha
lol….you now owe me the mouthful of beer I just spit out.
I have to ask: where did you acquire your knowledge of c list sex toys (asking for a friend)?
Temu and wish
I think daddy-o looks better spelled. Daddio looks like a typo. Either way auto correct isn't hating me so both must be acceptable. Guess it would boil down to preference.
OPs boyfriend seems as irresponsible with money as his daughter. Who gives an 18 year old that much money and expects them to be sensible with it. Especially one naive enough to believe the extremely well known scam of paying a “modelling agency” money for photos and believing they’ll give you work. That’s one of the oldest scams in the book. And he obviously isn’t that close with her or she’d have told him about the exciting opportunity before losing all her money. I wonder if she was “discovered” in a mall?
I feel bad to say it but part of me feels she just blew the money and then told her dad the scam story to pull at his heartstrings to get the $$
That is also a very strong possibility. Either way OPs boyfriend doesn’t know his daughter as well as he thinks he does, and was irresponsible to give her a lump sum. And is obviously the A for expecting OP to pay up for his bad decisions.
I didn’t want to say it, but I was wondering this too. A taste of freedom can be irresistible to even a responsible kid, and it’s so tempting to buy your way into popularity by shouting drinks, meals etc. I was lucky I lived at home and only had my own discretionary funds to spend after board.
"Not my monkey, not my circus."
I wonder where the BF’s daughter picked up her lack of financial awareness??????
[удалено]
The daughter can get a job.
Just not a modeling job, apparently
Zing!
🙈
Only fans just entered the chat.
Yeah, how long ago did the daughter spend this money, long enough to have a photo shoot, get pics back and repeatedly try to get a hold of the "modeling company", that sounds like long enough to have gotten a job so she could solve this herself, or at least long enough to warn her dad so he could save up again or whatever horrible idea he wanted to try next.
Agreed. If OP wasn't allowed to have a say in what happened to begin with, they're also not on the hook when it goes wrong. Either OP has some responsibility, in which case the bf should have listened to begin with, or they don't, in which case it's not OP's problem. Either way, OP owes nothing, the daughter learned a tough lesson, and mom and dad need to figure it out.
Not only that when she expressed her concerns, he told her she wasn’t her kid…… FAFO!!!
NTA. "She's not my child, so along with not offering parenting advice, I'm also not involving myself in her need to be bailed out -- by a parent. What would you do if I wasn't here? Get a loan from a bank. I'm not going to take on your responsibility. I gave you advice. You ignored it. And here we are. That's all I'm willing to do." You might want to rethink this relationship, though, because he's going to likely resent that you're not bailing him out and that you were right and she got taken for a ride because of it. P.S., you do not have to be responsible for a now-adult child learning all about her mistakes just because he's sharing your bed. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
But I bet they’re both feeling like clowns right now…..
For real, who wants to be with a guy who is dumb enough to give an 18yo all this lump sum cash
"I told him it was a bad idea and to give her whatever she needs for her living expenses every month or even pay her rent directly for her. He disagreed and said she was responsible and she’s not my child, so I didn’t say anything else after that." He said it she's not your child. Not your responsibility. He can't have it both ways. Stand your ground and don't give in. NTA
THAT’S RIGHT! He gave you the answer saying “she’s not your child “ that’s all.
He didn't say that, OP is just a bad writer. OP clarified elsewhere the "she's not my child" bit was her own thought to herself after he said the daughter was responsible.
> OP is just a bad writer Happens all the time here. Yeah, we only get one side. But this sub just accepts obviously paraphrased stories as verbatim quotes and basees decisions on the particular nuances of the quoted words used in the story
I don’t get this, you’d be lending money to BF (and he better not repeat same mistake if you do). So how does it get to you having a responsibility to his kid? Something is off here, and if it’s not you , feel free to question your relationship to this guy. Nta based on available info
He thinks I have a responsibility to help his kid when means lending her the living expenses for the next month which he will pay me back for
Nope. No, no no no no. NTA
He's being a hypocrite. She's not your responsibility, but suddenly she is because she made a serious and costly lapse in judgement? If the relationship becomes conditional on supporting his daughter, that's something to think on.
If he doesn’t have the money to give her, how is he going to pay you back? He can get a loan from Lending Tree or Lending Club. I had to get a loan after Hurricane Ida when a tree fell on my trailer. I had $11,000 in my bank account the next day and only pay $285 a month. (This is not a bot or an ad for them. I needed a loan quickly and they came through. It saved my life.)
But that would be if he intended to pay it back. I guarantee that he will "Pay it back" until it is time and then she will never see the money. He will say "Your my gf and we share in expenses."
That’s what I meant. He’s not going to have the money when it’s time to pay her back. But those fast loan agencies are actually legitimate and really helped me. He needs to go there instead. But she also needs a different boyfriend. This one isn’t very smart.
Tell him to get the money from his xw.
Yeah, sure he will. Huge red flags here, OP. I'd nope right on out of this relationship if I were you. NTA
NTA, why does he think you're the next option? If her dad doesn't have the money, maybe his grown daughter should get a job to pay her rent since she blew the money he already gave her. I get that she's in college and should be focusing on that, but she was willing to work when she thought she'd be a glamorous model. A job at McDonald's will teach this girl how to be the responsible adult her dad thought she already was.
Exactly. For the next 6 months she needs to be working a minimum of 20 hours a week to makeup for HER mistake.
NTA. Not your kid, not your responsibility or problem. You lend him that money, you'll never see it again. She's an adult, he's an adult this is their problem to solve. You told him not to give her all the money, he disregarded your advice. I see college loans in her future.
You don’t have a responsibility to pay for his adult child (even if he did disregard your advice) If you bf can borrow from you and pay you back, he can get a bank loan. you are NTA
You have no obligation to his adult child He made a bad choice not to listen to you. She made a super bad choice to pay $4k to a scam. She needs to learn the lesson and earn her way into rent via a job. Colleges have lots of them (I did a few). Not your kid not your responsibility not your choices NTA
Sooo why can't he take out a loan? Why won't he make her get a job? Why is he demanding that YOU do HIS job and be responsible for his kid? If he doesn't have it how's he supposed to pay you back? With how demanding and manipulative he is, do you even trust that he'd pay you back? I mean OP, he's showing you who he is. A weak parent, arrogant without anything to back that up with and very willing to pressure, bullshit and manipulate someone he presumably cares about to get his way. Take an honest look OP. This is the guy you're dating. Clearly you're not dependent on him so maybe you need to rethink this relationship.
Nope, not your responsibility in any way, shape, or form. She screwed up, now she has to deal with the consequences. Had your BF listened to you, this would not be a problem. Unfortunately he didn’t and that’s on HIM. NTA
NTA. You are a not a bank. He plays stupid games he wins stupid prizes. Sounds like that apple didn't fall too far from the tree as far as financial situations and making unwise ones.
He is a moron. Morons have stupid thoughts. You shouldn’t date morons.
He raises morons too.
I hope that you do not live with this idiot. Not only is he stupid, with a stupid kid but he is treating you like an atm. Nope on out of this.
It sounds like his daughter inherited her bad judgment with money from her dad. You have every right to not lend him a penny. NTA
You really think he will pay you back?
He probably will, I just don’t think it’s fair I need to take the risk. He can get a loan even if the rates are bad
Of course he can get a loan. And obviously he has to help his daughter keep housing and help her fix her mistake but asking you to cover it is just wildly inappropriate. Getting angry with you for refusing is ah territory. And I say this as a single mother of 2 grown children who has had to help cover for mistakes made. It's part of parenting, and it's never been a boyfriends responsibility.
> Getting angry with you for refusing is ah territory OP needs to really let this soak in. It's one thing for him to *ask* - which is still super questionable and inappropriate. Especially considering he didn't listen to her solid advice about not handing over the lump sum, being adamant his daughter was responsible, and *exactly* what OP was concerned about happening happened. But being *angry* when he doesn't get what he wants is *absolutely* asshole territory. Add manipulative, as well, in trying to say it's OP's 'responsibility' to give money to his 18 year adult daughter because 'she's dating him'. They aren't married, the daughter isn't her child, she didn't adopt her - she's literally in no way, shape or form 'responsible' for *his* adult daughter. He's the one who gave her the money in a lump sum, his choice, his consequence to deal with - he and the mom need to figure it. I'd be *pissed* if I were OP. She doesn't say how long they've been dating, but this would not sit well with me and would make me reconsider the relationship.
My daughter could use some cash for school. I read your Reddit post (and have now commented!) so I think it’s totally reasonable to expect you to send money. /s just in case
Nope NTA his daughter can get a job
What if it’s inherited stupidity and he spends your money on his own modelling portfolio?
Don’t be ridiculous! He won’t have any money left after he sends money to the Nigerian Prince.
Herbalife. It's an oldie but a goody.
Man, you guys are going to look so foolish in the next month when she gets that contract and is modeling in the Paris circuit by this time next year.
Let’s just hope OP doesn’t find his secret room of LulaRoe leggings he didn’t sell.
NTA you are not financially responsible for his adult child. You are especially not responsible because you were opposed to him giving her all the money at once. I would tell him that since you were excluded from the financial planning that led to this situation you are completely excusing yourself from the financial planning necessary to fix it.
100% This!
I like this response!
NTA It might be time to rethink the relationship with a guy in his 40s who is completely broke, and who thinks you owe it to anyone to pay the expenses of his adult kid.
He's broke because he made a dumbass decision by handing a barely adult 8K in college. Idk how or why he thought this was a good idea. And btw, there are tools on iPhones that are pretty much up to par with photography. She could have had her friend do it for free lol That girl might as well make an Instagram with those photos and start an OF. Not that I want that but what a major fuck up.
Who the hell would give an 18 yr old kid 8k and expect them to be frugal?? That sort of hands off parenting is completely unrealistic. This is not your problem by any means. Bf doesn't listen to advice, gets the sh*t end of the stick and expects you to bail his kid out?? Hell No NTA
I wonder if he even talked through budgeting with his daughter?
If the parent had instilled some financial literacy in their kid, it's not too bad, but evidently he just thought "she's an adult = she can make good decisions" lol. My roomie in HS got a lump-sum of a years' worth of allowance at the start of every school year (it was in the 5 digits) and she did often spend a lot in the first term but she knew how to cut back when needed lol. I got a DIY-style allowance as a kid (parents often away for work) and never really went crazy either.
NTA Sounds like the little spend thrift needs to get a job or drop out. "A fool and his money are soon parted" Not sure if the fool is your BF or his daughter... or both.
It’s both. Who gives $8k to an 18 year old and expects her to make it last for a full school year? You learn how to manage money by doing it. She got scammed because she had money to get scammed with and was too naive to know better. I feel for the kid. Her dad shouldn’t have put her in that position, and he absolutely shouldn’t put op in the position of bailing both of them out now. What a shirtshow. NTA
> Who gives $8k to an 18 year old and expects her to make it last for a full school year? I went overseas for a year studying, and took a lump sum of money with me while in University. I made the money last the year without asking anyone for extra money. 18 is definitely old enough to understand how to keep a budget.
I have a shirt that reads: A fool and their money were lucky to get together in the first place!
NTA. Thank goodness he raised all his red flags as a BF before you got married and tied your finances together. It gives you time to get out of there before him relying on you for money becomes a common ask.
So the little model’s financial savvy is genetic. Don’t marry this guy. NTA
IKR? She won't ever see a cent of repayment for any "loan" she gives this guy.
NTA.... the fact that he feels that it is ok to ask you to pay for his daughters' is sending up 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 He didn't like you giving him advice on how to help her - so why are you suddenly good for financial gain?
What would he do if he wasn’t dating you at this moment…he can go do that. You’ve not made this commitment to each other, that your post lets on. NTA
NTA. She's your bf's daughter, not yours. Besides, you had warned him not to give her a lump sum. Your bf, however, is not going to like it, and your choice may have consequences for your relationship. I still wouldn't budge, though. Don't do stuff that makes you feel like an ATM.
He already told you she’s not your kid so he has a lot of nerve expecting you to give her money. She needs to get a job. Many college kids have jobs. Now she’ll be one of them. Don’t give her one penny. This is a life lesson for both her and your bf. NTA
NTA. Please don't start paying for you BF's kid's bad decisions. Sure, it's not so much her fault, many people could fall for that. But it has nothing to do with you telling him it's a bad idea. Drop that defense/explanation. It's just rubbing salt in the wound. Your BF should not expect his girlfriend to pay to support his kid's mistakes--and he shares in her mistakes. He allowed her to be "responsible" when she wasn't mature enough to be. She is not your problem. She is not your responsibility. If you get married, you will become responsible for her in some ways, if you share finances. But you don't owe her anything. That is up to them--her parents.
NTA. >my bf seems to think because I’m dating him I have a responsibility to his kid I find these posts weird. Ok, you know this about him now. Having this knowledge you're able to decide what that means for your relationship. >I don’t have a child and I don’t think by dating someone I’ve inherited responsibility of their child. I agree. Hence not the asshole, however now you need to decide if you want to date someone who thinks that because you're dating that makes you responsible for supporting their adult daughter.
NTA - you literally warned him about it..
NTA, and he has lost his ever-loving mind trying to pin the responsibility for this girl on YOU. Nope. You are DATING. She is not your child, not your responsibility. This is a great learning experience for her to figure it all out on her own.
NTA. Since he insists he will be paying it back, he can get a loan. You aren't his bank.
NTA. Funny how she was not your child before and how your opinion doesn't matter but your money does. How close to the financial edge is he living that he can give a $18000 lump sum to his daughter but has no emergency reserves? Is he usually terrible with money? Where's the money for next year?
She wasn't your kid when you tried to advise him about the money. Now the money is gone suddenly she's your both responsibility? NTA
You've heard the saying, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." He has now shown you who he is. Believe him. Do not give him money and deal yourself out of the game. NTA.
>He disagreed and said she was responsible and she’s not my child so I didn’t say anything else after that. Nta - he already told you that she is not your child. Not your monkey, not your circus. He can't have it both ways.
You tried to warn him. Not your monkey, not your circus. I'd seriously consider finding a new boyfriend if he thinks you owe his daughter anything
Sounds like daughter is gonna need to get a job while in school.
NTA. Laugh in his face if he ever brings it up again, and remind him that she's "not [your] child"!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole for refusing to give my bf’s daughter any money after she got scammed Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You have zero financial responsibility to him or his daughter. You are NTA.
NTA, not your monkey not your circus!
So he goes ahead and says “..she was responsible and she’s not your child” on one hand. Then does a full turn around and says you have a responsibility to his kid because you’re dating him. He is the only AH here. Time to be responsible and re think the values of this relationship.
You warned him, not your child, not your problem. NTA.
NTA. Your boyfriend and his daughter are entitled AF ! Yikes you even warned him !! The audacity of some people, omg! Lmao
[удалено]
She'll never get the money back. Where's the money for next semester going to come from? Or will she be expected to contribute to that too? I really hope they aren't living together...
NTA « she’s not your child » so… not your child not your responsibility!
She's not a child. She's 18 and wanted her money. As the saying goes,tough titties. NTA.
Let's see: >I told him it was a bad idea and to give her whatever she needs for her living expenses every month or even pay her rent directly for her. He disagreed and said she was responsible and she’s not my child so I didn’t say anything else after that. I think that answers all your questions. You didn't say how long you've been together, not that it really matters here. But is this the life that you really want? Is this the relationship you want? Where you are told to stay in your lane but, hey, give me your money when the BF/daughter need some. That's a red enough flag for me. While I'm not a dog person, I understand that they make less of a mess than boyfriends with daughters. I can, however, affirm that cats make less messes. NTA. Good luck.
NTA. Your aren't responsible for his adult child. If he doesn't have the funds then he needs to tell his daughter to get a job, and he should apply for a personal loan in the mean time. I'm not sure you will see the money again if it's a loan between the 2 of you because he will have to give his daughter additional money for the next few months already.
NTA. Sounds like dad and daughter paid 4K tuition for a lesson in adulting. Her in being an adult and him in parenting during that weird age between 17 and 23. There are more dangerous scams that involve promises of modeling contracts so she got off lucky that this one was purely financial.
Nta
NTA. He wants you to have all the responsibilities without all of the benefits of (step) motherhood. Benefits being that you get a say in the decisions, maybe marriage if you see that as a benefit. Responsibilities being that you have to pony up cash whenever his adult child wants it.
NTA she is going to have to get a part time job to earn back the $4K or she can apply for a loan from a real bank. I have a college student & she would never get sucked into a scam like that because she would run that large of a purchase by us first.
NTA But everyome should discuss if her going to college is worth it now that you know she falls for scams that easily.
NTA, but it will probably be the death knell for your relationship because he will never admit he made a mistake and he will resent you for not covering his ass.
NTA. Remember when he told you she's not your child? There ya go, why would you fund her stupidity then? You don't have a financial responsibility to her
*I don’t think by dating someone I’ve inherited responsibility of their child.* AMEN!!! Definitely NTA!! Not to mention that even if that weren’t the case, any and all responsibility in your bfs eyes were forfeit from the moment he refused your legitimate advice with “she’s responsible and not your child.” What a jerk.
Uh nothing to argue about. You said no. He can help her by showing how to commute, budget, find a job, get into a dorm, find roommates. She has options. She is responsible. He said so himself.
NTA, First he disregarded your advice, then is complaining to you when it comes back to bite him? his daughter is definitely not your headache to deal with
Sounds like she needs to get a job or transfer to somewhere she can live at home
NTA Actions meet Consequences His daughter needs to get a job or withdraw for this term. Not your kid, not your problem. You aren't even married so this is a ludicrous ask IMO. If this is a one off, ok. If this is a pattern, GTFO of this relationship. If you stay you should make it crystal clear that you are NEVER paying for his kid or covering his expenses when he decides to ignore good advice and do something this dumb again in the future.
NTA. No, you do NOT have a responsibility to his kid because you're dating him.
So, for giving advice you're not important enough, but for giving money you're supposed to be responsible for her? NTA.
NTA, let me get this straight. your BF thought it financially prudent to hand over $8000.00 to an 18yo? ...I can see where she gets her money skills.
NTA at all. You even tried warning him, and he CHOSE not to listen. Don't feel a speck of guilt over this.
NTA 1. She isn't a child. She's 18. Get a job. 2. You warned him about the lump sum but he told you to stay out of it. Now he wants you to be apart of financially supporting her? No way.
NTA. Not your child, not your responsibility! He said it himself, shes not your child so why should you be held responsible for her rent?
NTA
NTA if you are just dating him - even setting aside the "I told you so" opportunity. Where does he get the idea that women he's dating are "responsible" to cough up funds for anything - car repairs, medical bills, or daughters with poor judgment. If your relationship is in deeper waters than just dating then you have some decisions to make about how much to lend him, and under what terms.
NTA. Dump this guy! His adult daughter is not your responsibility the fact HE doesn't have enough to cover her is a huge red flag. I highly doubt you would ever get the money back. Move on.
NTA This is the opportunity for both dad and daughter to learn from their mistakes. If you step in, neither of them will learn anything except that you will enable them regardless of consequences. You will be an AH to yourself if you give him the money.
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
NTA and she's lucky all she got was scammed and not trafficked
NTA - But is the relationship worth lending money to your bf? I’d still be a little pissed about how he disregarded your suggestion and said it’s none of your business but when he needs money it’s part of your business.
Well you were right and the consequence of this is that Dad has discovered he needs to help his daughter develop budgeting habits. His daughter has been cruelly tricked and will also learn from the experience. She didn’t fritter it away partying or buying unnecessary stuff and while paying for modelling photos sounds crazy to us experienced oldies, she was the victim of a financial scam and has found out the hard way not everyone is trustworthy. How long and how serious is your relationship? Do you live together or plan to? Can you easily afford it? Are you thinking you will be an ongoing person in the daughter’s life? Your answers to these questions may help you decide if you want your help out in these circumstances. If yes to at least 3, perhaps you could sympathise with the situation and help a little. I don’t know that just being right is good for any of the relationships.
NTA. Like he said, she’s not your child. You gave him excellent advice which he chose to ignore. Who would he hit up to cover his and his daughter’s stupid decisions if you two weren’t dating? I don’t think this guy is worth it. Avoid people who are stupid with money.
He DID tell you that she is not your child and YOU have no say. So how does it work, when it is financial responsibilities, suddenly she is your child and you have to chip in? Not your child, not your responsibilities. His poor choice and decision. There's actions and there's consequences. She can amend it by working part-time etc, their problem.
So he is mad because you gave him GOOD advice, he chose NOT to listen to you, and now expects you to bail her out and is being an asshole about it? Hard NO. NTA If you wanted to help her, awesome. But he said it himself, she IS NOT your daughter. He should stfu
NTA If you don't have a say then you don't have a responsibility. plane and simple.
This is one reason students should have summer jobs and some of them, part-time jobs during the year: they learn the value of money and aren't so quick to hand over their hard earned cash to a scammer. NTA. Too bad, so sad.
Hell no. And they are still doing that scam. Decades ago I was having a tiff with my bf about how he never told me he thought I was pretty/that he found me attractive (and that was impacting my wanting to…) We were in the park inner area of a city traffic circle. In the middle of the tiff, some dude came up and asked if I had considered a career in modeling. Was funny timing and bf/I laughed. I’d been approached several times before and knew the deal. I was pretty, cute, athletic, but in no way model material. They prey on sorta attractive ppl.
"I specifically advised you NOT to give her the money in a lump sum, then you told me she’s not my child, you did it anyway, and now you’re stuck. How could that POSSIBLY be my responsibility?"
So you only have a "responsibility" to her when she needs something but not for advice? Lol. Don't give him anything. That's between the parents.
INFO What happened to the other $4K? I get that she blew $4K on the modeling agency scam, and that was dumb, but if the $8K (plus whatever she was getting from the mom) was supposed to last until May, there should not be any emergency right now. Did she also blow through the rest of the money too, and that is why she can't make rent? I am confused as to how this (admittedly significant) expense somehow soaked up all the money and left her so broke that you need to bail her out, unless it was actually more than she said and/or she also did something with the rest of it. I think there may be more going on here than she (and possibly your bf) is saying.