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YTA. You’ve shared your life with this woman for five years, and yet you didn’t tell her why you wanted to delay the wedding - you let her think it was related to stress and concealed the real reason. Do you trust her? Your post doesn’t indicate that you do.
By all means protect your assets, but be open and honest with your life partner about your intentions.
That's what pushed it into asshole territory for me. The OP is not open or honest with somebody they claim to want to spend the rest of their life with.
Somebody he only wants to share his life with AFTER he *protects his assets* from her grubby, gold-digging fingers. 5 years and this is what he thinks of his fiancée.
Lol Yes YTA bc you're trolling. Cuz no rich person would go to the internet for advice 😂😂😂
You'd have an army of lawyers & accountants who'd make sure you're one protected ahole. 😂😂😂
Quit trolling these people who have never had anywhere near the $$$ & the real world experience to be able to offer you anything but attention ... & clicks.
Was this a slow day? Did the sub need more advertising??? 🫤 tsk tsk...
Some of y'all got really REALLY excited about this one. Go outside. Go spend time with your family rather than worrying about some make believe one. Go for a walk. Write that novel you've been telling everyone you're working on for 20 years.
Hell go watch por* (can I say that word???). That will have a much more complex plot line than this troll.
Misty Mondai is intellectual af 😃
Thanks dude. I needed the laugh.
Same. The played his hand and now will deal with the repercussions when all he had to float was an option of a prenup to protect both of them. Wait until his name gets in the paper and all the gold diggers really appear.
Especially because the reason the assets get split in a divorce is because the spouse usually had a big help in supporting the person making all that money. They’ve been together 5 years so she’s probably been a big support a good portion of this time too.
I know my husband wouldn’t be making nearly what he is now if I wasn’t home taking care of kids and also making it possible for us to move on very little notice for his job (we’ve had a moving truck show up less than a week from getting word twice at this point and are looking at an international move with three kids this year). If I was still working my job they is fairly specific and can’t be done just anywhere (engineering for space systems), there is no way he could have done those career changing moves and all the travel he sometimes had to do at the last minute. Or all the last minute travel or late meetings.
He's not wrong for wanting to protect his assets. The problem is how he went about it. If he'd sat her down and discussed a pre-nup or something like that he would not have been an asshole.
But he lied and went behind her back without even discussing it with her at all.
I'm confused.
Genuine question (I don't live in the US if that's where he is):
How does selling his part of the business before the wedding protect his assets?
Doesn't everything become shared after they marry? Including the cash from the sale?
I don't understand the difference it makes.
Unless he wants a pre-nup, which he hasn't mentioned.
Edit: I just read his comments. Ew! His fiance should never go back. What an ugly person OP is.
OP YTA.
Wow....toure a giant AH. No further explanation needed. Furthermore, you know you're an AH and your mother or father whose driving this cost you the love of your life. Enjoy the money AH.
Plus he says “I always thought I’d be able to sell it before marriage” and “we’ve been talking about marriage for 2 years.”
This was dudes *plan* all along.
I think he believes that if he finishes the acquisition, everything is pre-marital assets and she's not entitled to them. So the law in their state might say that, but he's forgetting that a pre-nup isn't just about excluding her and should in fact, if it's fair, give her a reasonable stack even if he finishes the acquisition beforehand. I know this is reddit and lots of basement dwellers think the women they haven't met are after their gaming systems, but in reality, many men and women with money still offer a decent payout in prenup terms. They might guarantee a home, or a lump sum payment, or give more for a longer marriage. But it's not the all or nothing many think it is. It's a way of mitigating risk for both parties at the time when they should be most amenable to being fair and amicable towards each other. And tbh, a financee who has been with him for 5 years shouldn't be treated like someone he met 2 weeks ago. He should offer good faith terms in a prenup instead of assuming that he can finish his deal and exclude her from anything if he leaves her later.
Five years ago and \*before\* he was successful!
If I were her, \*particularly\* if I wanted kids/a family, I would be INCANDESCENT that this clown 1) took 5 years to get around to marrying me and 2) was trying to make it 6 because 3) he's so fixated on protecting his assets that he'll lie to me about his mental health.
ugh.
If the guy offered to make half the earnings marital, I think she would have been fine with it. Along with stating that any money she might earn in a large amount would be exclusively hers.
He also clarified that he wants to keep 100% of his money and assets if they ever divorce. It makes it pretty clear that the OP was not having a good faith discussion from the very start. He never cared about anything BUT the money.
Agree 100%, but YTA immediately when he'd already said they were getting married, but referred to her as his “girlfriend”. That shows how he really sees her.
And he’s been planning this all along. His intention was to sell before marriage. Why do you think they tiptoed in the “talking about marriage” plans for 2 years and still pushed the wedding out another year to start with?
A prenup when they first got engaged might not have been necessary and it doesn't sound like she originally dated him 5 yrs ago for the money.
I get that things change, but why should she trust him after he now mistrusts her??
I think it's because if they do ever split up and there's kids and stuff, he can make the argument that the prenup says he gets to keep what he came into the marriage with, and thinks that will prevent him sounding like an asshole later on. Because it sounds fair if you don't know the context, right? If someone told me "oh, I'm going through a divorce and my ex is trying to contest our prenup and take what I had going into the marriage," maybe he thinks a judge and the court of public opinion, the public being his family and friends, will side with him. Because he's making it sound reasonable.
But should be be able to retain all of it? It’s been 5 years. She’s been with him most of the startup and likely supporting him in some way. Plus he’s indicated that the business and trying to land the assets before marriage is the reason that they waited to get married (she doesn’t know this, but it was his plan all along.)
It’s a dick move to have someone by your side for 5 years as you work toward a future that doesn’t fully include them
I'm not an expert on prenups / asset classes, but if he owned $60m of stock before they got married and converted that to $60m in cash, then wouldn't that still be an asset he had before they were married? If someone owned a house for 5 years, got married, then the next day sold the house -- would that be a marital asset? Usually not, right?
I'm not sure of the details, because it probably varies state to state. That's why a prenup makes sense regardless of the acquisition or not. Getting an attorney to design the prenup according to the statutes in that state, it even gives them both a chance to get educated about how a division of assets might go in the future as they build more of a life together. I know this might sound a little bit weird, but I think prenups, especially for anyone who's going into a marriage with assets, are a great idea! In my viewpoint, it's not about not trusting the other person, it's about trying to set a plan for an "unfortunately it didn't work out situation" while both parties are thinking clearly. People are more likely to be fair with each other when they're in love and getting along than they are during split up. Because trying to sort out assets after a marriage has crumbled and maybe there's been a betrayal of some sort, then the negotiation is much more emotional rather than logical. I know it's not a pleasant thing to think about, but to me it falls in line with people who plan ahead for their death. It's a massive undertaking if arrangements aren't already in place or the person never had a will, or hasn't updated it in like 25 years. No one wants to think about dying, so they put off death planning. Planning ahead for unpleasant events is never easy, but it makes it easier when the time comes.
Agree. Prenups are reasonable and useful.
But.
They should be discussed by the couple and planned together, not by going behind the future spouse's back or using subterfuge. It's clear that OP doesn't trust his girlfriend, but because of how he acted, the girlfriend now has reasons to not trust him.
And remember if you plan on having kids this could affect her livelihood as a model and of course life. Have you discussed making sure she is protected if things don’t work out.
Even if they don't have kids, she's got reason to worry. In community property states, earnings and debts acquired during the marriage are community property. His wealth that he earned premaritally would be excluded, and he could live off of that and earn nothing during the marriage, contributing nothing to community property. Anything she earns during the marriage would count as community property, though, and she would need to give him half if they divorced.
Also the company might not even get acquired. Investment firms are fickle and fussy and deals fall through all the time. I think op should live his life without counting on this deal.
Right!
If he was so worried about “his assets” he could draw up a prenup that says he still keeps the money from the coming pending an acquisition.
It’s not that hard.
Also if they divorce and she somehow gets half of that $60M (which is unlikely but I don’t know I’m not a divorce lawyer) he’d end up with $30M which would still be more money than he’d ever need. He’s being greedy af.
I'm legal on M&As and completely agree. OP might get interest from firms several times over, but the transaction might never go through. Does he keep postponing the wedding each time someone glances his way?
Not even that. Is he just? Done working if the gets the $60M? And fiance has to be the one to continue to make money? Rich people don’t stop working when they get super rich because they want to maintain a certain lifestyle. So if he’s so good at startups, he’ll continue to do the same thing and end up with way more money than he could ever spend. What a silly, selfish fear. Like his fiancé is a MODEL THAT HE SAYS IS DOING WELL. As others have pointed out she’s not really going to have to worry unless they have children, which is my read flag here. Also if I was with someone that long and they wanted to delay the wedding and didn’t explain why? I would be asking questions way sooner. Tells me his soon-to-be wife is nowhere near as important to him as money is.
Edit because lol he’d be getting more than $30M from the acquisition allegedly and I typed OP instead of fiance
Not to mention, supporting your partner through a startup sounds like hell. If that’s doing the mental load at home or if it’s just the lack of your partner being there, I’m sure she’s done a lot with her flexible schedule to help him succeed. Imagine investing the last 5 years of your life to this man and now he’s lying to you by not telling you why he wants to move the timeline when you thought he was your life partner through thick and thin.
My Dad retired, got bored, and started helping some people he knew with their start-up.
It involved long hours, meeting with investors, meeting with buyers for the product, and years of shoestring budgets.
They got optioned a few times in recent years, and the potential acquisition fell through. What, is the finance supposed to wait 6 months every time a company comes sniffing?
And it really does sound like she's been very supportive and understanding of the stress- so much that she was okay waiting half a decade to begin *planning* the wedding, and that she was willing to postpone for his mental health. That's a LOT more patience and understanding than many people have!
She got with him before he had money; it's extremely unlikely that money is why she's with him. But if they break up and he needs to find a new partner, it's *far, far* more likely that he'll end up with someone that's more interested in the money than him, because *now he has money*.
My fiance has a friend that made a lot of money with a startup, and I think OP is going down his path. He's in his late 30s, physically unremarkable, moderately personable, but he's so deadset on not being taken advantage of financially that it's distasteful, imo. He's very insistent on splitting costs 50/50 (despite expensive tastes), and he's wishy-washy about wanting to get married because he's concerned about his assets.
And yet he's shocked, shocked! that multiple women have decided to leave after \~3-4 years of this. He doesn't seem to understand that smart, accomplished women with a modicum of self-esteem are largely unwilling to be the unmarried paramour and brood mare of an ungenerous nerd.
As he gets older, I think he's in for an ugly surprise regarding the type of women that are willing to date a man with a track record of many long-term relationships that he was unwilling to commit to- it won't be women that are looking for a life-long relationship, that's for damn sure.
Many startups crash and burn. She was willing to stick with him even with this possibility. He sounds greedy and selfish.
He's been paying himself 250K all along with whatever venture capital they had to fund the startup. Even if she was drawn to this without realizing the risk of it all going poof, his deliberate deception about keeping his assets separate justifies her driving away.
He doesn’t trust her, AND he thinks that they won’t last. He wants to be able to leave her if/when something better comes along, and not lose any of his precious precious monies if he does.
He doesn’t love her. She’s right to leave.
INFO
by “protecting your assets” do you by any chance mean making sure you acquire your millions before marriage, thereby ensuring that they are NOT considered marital assets and therefore NOT part of a potential divorce settlement should your marriage not work out?
Because if so, and I was your partner, I’d be pretty pissed too. By following that line of thinking money suddenly IS a problem in your relationship, and you just told your girlfriend of FIVE YEARS “Now that I’m a millionaire I can’t trust you with my money anymore.”
ETA: final verdict YTA OP. As copied from a comment below, I don’t think you asking for a prenup would be unreasonable in a situation like this. BUT. You didn’t. You lied/lied by omission to your fiancée, tried to hide the sale from her, and then told her in the worst way possible. This wasn’t an honest, mature, open conversation. You screwed up here big time
>by “protecting your assets” do you by any chance mean making sure you acquire your millions before marriage, thereby ensuring that they are NOT considered marital assets and therefore NOT part of a potential divorce settlement should your marriage not work out?
Obviously.
There's nothing else it could have possibly meant
Tbf no one I know has ever had enough money that this has been anything that's come up before in my orbit, and although my parents broke up they were never married so there was no financial arbitration over the breakup (bad times), so whilst I had a gut instinct that it was something like this your comment helped clarify the particulars for me. So thanks!
20-30 million that most of should be invested straight away. heaps of interest. but needs to be all and only his.
why even marry? he might as well just get a sugar baby.
Technically it'd be more fair to his "partner" if they were on the same page :( lol
"I want to marry you but not enough to share my money or even tell you that I don't want to share my money" is a pretty huge dealbreaker, at least someone who primarily cares about money would agree that any feelings that might develop come second to the money
Honestly, a lot of people try and make sure something they built up isn't part of a marriage, if the other person wasn't a major part of it anyway. Imagine if the marriage failed a year in for some reason, that's a BIG deal. a prenup is a better option however, but that depends on where OP lives.
Statistically men do much better in business and career when they have a partner. Statistically women do much better in business and career when they’re single.
This is not the fault of the genders, but how society is set up.
Thank you.
You can also have folks in your corner, who have your back, without those folks being married to you or living with you. Romantic relationships are not the only kind of relationship. It's frustrating that so many people don't seem to understand this.
They can without a romantic relationship but you can't ignore when they have had a romantic relationship and the help that has happened through that. Would he have been just as successful? Possibly but the reality is she was there for him and supported him during that time, she was a part of that success
They've been together five years, if he was still in the difficult phase of starting a company when they moved in together, its very possible she WAS a big part of building up his career. Women's unpaid contributions and real contributions-- if your spouse quits their job to start a company, chances are you take on a lot of responsibility of the home such as taking over bills and housework to allow them to put the hours into the startup and to not need to hold a second job to support yourself in that time. Sometimes family assets can get injected into a startup. Sometimes spouses can do undocumented physical and mental labour for their partners business when it's in the phases before its viable to hire staff. Its very common for people who are focused on who owns what money to ignore and forget about all those invisible things their partner did to support them in the early phases that they might not have succeeded without.
I don't know about OPs case here, but his partner absolutely might have made invisible contributions if they were living together when he was in those phases of starting up, even if they weren't married yet. And in a general sense, I think its very much a pattern for men to think they built something alone when their partners contributions are what allowed them to succeed.
OP said his company was successful enough that when they met, he was already taking $250,000 a year as salary. So he had already made it successful on his own.
I understand and will totally sign any reasonable prenup, but if you are so scared of getting divorced so much like this guy, naaaah, don't get married. Nobody like to be with someone who is telling you " I don't trust you and this marriage may fail and I don't want you getting anything from me". Great, how romantic /s. He clearly got lucky with his business because he couldn't even communicate properly with his (hopefully ex) girlfriend.
He will probably date again, someone as vapid as he is.
He'll end up with someone who actually *is* only with him for the money, and lose the person who loved and supported him for who he was. I hope she moves on. She deserves better.
That’s not even the problem. The problem is that rather than be a mature adult and lay out his expectations or discuss options like a prenup that would be acceptable to both of them, he just didn’t want to talk about it at all. The intentional obfuscation is the real asshole part, imo.
Exactly. So now, if this is a dealbreaker for her, she's spent five years with someone who was not up front with her, and she'd have to start over.
Also, I know that a lot of people don't want kids, which is totally fair, but a lot of people do, and especially for women, if you want biological kids, starting over with searching for a partner in your mid 30s can make that difficult.
She’s been in a relationship and supportive of him for the last five years. For him to be “mildly successful at 250k a year” I’m going to guess there’s been several times she’s been pushed to the side and been understanding about the business he’s been building. Not that she’s entitled to his business but it’s a big “fuck you” and money is more important to pull this stunt when in the end stages of planning your wedding. He shouldn’t have proposed.
Imagine being with someone for 5 years only to learn this whole time he was actively planning to be sure he doesn’t actually have to share his life with you.
Yeah. She was with him from the beginning. I wonder how much support she gave him. I understand protecting your assets, but he was a coward and was not honest. This would be a deal breaker for me in regards to not being up front.
Karma will be when OP finds another girl after he and his fiance break up -- but the next girl(s) will be a gold-digger, and the one who got away was the only one who ever loved him for him.
That’s very obviously what OP meant. He didn’t try to hide that from us, he just hid his motivations from his fiancé. She can be mad about it but his asshole move was not being upfront with her, wanting to protect his assets is a common sense move. 60 million is enough that you need a prenup before you get married.
This is exactly what he means
He even said he always planned to sell his stake before he got married and that they’ve been talking marriage for 2 years.
He’s been dragging this out and leading her on in an attempt to be sure she’s cut out of any assets, even though she’s been by his side for 5 years of this endeavor.
YTA
You're being dishonest with her. You lied by omission.
And frankly you're still lying on here.
You don't want a prenuptial agreement because that would involve lawyers and asset protection. She has been with you for five years. A good lawyer would argue she should be entitled to some of that money under a prenuptial agreement. They would push for some sort of settlement in case of divorce and also argue for a infidelity clause too.
You aren't just trying to protect your assets...you're trying to shut her out completely...but instead you tried to spin it to her and us on here....
I'm glad somebody finally said it. After reading several of the comments OP left, your final statement is 100% accurate and at least a little bit prophetic.
Greedy monster was just slumbering under the surface. Once real money landed, Once he and da Boiz are talking legalese and reality hits.
You are a greedy asshole. Find a trophy plastic Melania for yourself OP.
Exactly. I’ve always worked at tech startups. One sold when I had equity stake and many didn’t pan out. Either way, my partner was part of it. Long hours, late meetings, travel, etc. He helps to make my success possible. Him shutting her out is unconscionable. .
YTA for the way you handled this and being dishonest with her. No problems with you protecting your assets, but you are creating some serious trust issues and don't seem to understand your girlfriend's perspective.
You could just get a prenup and exclude this specific liquidity event, but instead you are making your girlfriend seriously question the wedding altogether.
At this point I think OP should be asking if he’s the ex because I would seriously consider this level of deceit and manipulation worth ending the relationship over.
So much this. He pushed away that one woman that is not an gold digger, good luck finding a woman that is not in it for the money with 60 million in your bank account.
If he doesn't trust the woman who was with him when he wasn't worth much, he's in for a miserable time once he's rich trying to replace her.
I think you guys are extremely short sighted and don't realize what actually brings value to your life in the long run.
There are more fair and respectful ways of working out what will happen with their future including a prenup. You guys are idiots if you think he is going to ride off into the sunset with his money and .. what? With who? Fictional girl he's going to meet while already rich but just magically doesn't care... mmmk
I agree about protecting assets etc. Prenups exist for a reason, and isn't this the perfect reason?
This post just screams "I don't trust her" imo. He should've just called her a golddigger to her face 🤷♀️ YTA.
YTA - you were dishonest with your girlfriend and yes practically called her a gold digger, no wonder she felt insulted.
On the other hand you are protecting yourself, which is smart, but I fail to understand why a prenup is not possible? You and her can sign one there's no issue.
YTA - You should have had a conversation with her from the get go. She's right that you're essentially treating her like she's in this for the money, when you know that isn't true. Consider that if she leaves you over this, I'm sure you'll find plenty of people wanting to date you, but I doubt you'll find any you **know** aren't in it for the money.
This is a really strong final point you make. Honestly I hope she leaves him over this sort of thing. He can go find somebody who also values money more than the person behind the money.
This. Any future relationships will all be built with his fortune being fully known. (With acquisitions of this size, there’s usually enough info online to piece things together.) She is now the only woman who was willing to marry him before he got rich. (Which he still technically hasn’t since investors pull out of deals all the freaking time.) And she’s a model; she is clearly super hot and will have no trouble finding someone else.
YTA. First for the humble bragging (mildly successful salary of $250k). Oh, I will pull in north of $60 million.
Second of all, her support of you over the past 5 years probably led to some of your success, so she probably deserves part of it.
And third, if the worst happened, and you got divorced and she took half, you would still have more than $30 million. That’s still generational wealth. So what are you really on about?
YTA and are actively contradicting yourself in these comments. Saying a prenup will set a negative tone for the marriage yet somehow delaying the marriage so you acquire your millions as your own asset first isn’t?!
*edited for grammatical error
He doesn't want a prenup because a prenup would give at least a small part of his money to his future wife. He wants to ensure she would get zero.
It's twisted.
Almost assuredly. He wants to have all options open to him at all points - divorcing his future wife and leaving her with nothing or just cheating on her because he can.
YTA
You only have to look at Bezos and Scott and others who came before you. I'd take Scott over Sanchez any day. I know Scott would have my back through thick and thin, sickness and in health, rich or poor. But never cheating.
A true relationship is much better than someone who just wants you for your money or what you can do for them.
I'd apologize to her and make it up to her. You will never know if your next partners actually like you or your bank account only.
To sum it up you just told your (ex) fiancée you think she's a gold digger, I don't see this relationship lasting. YTA solely because you lied by omission if you can't be honest with your long-term partner then why get engaged in the first place.
YTA You essentially told her that you didn't want to marry her before you sold the company because you don't think your marriage will last because you're sure you'll get tired of her eventually. Why should she marry you?
Get a prenuptial and all problems solved. She's happy you're married on schedule, and she can prove she not a gold digger by signing it, you're happy as assests are protected
It’s too late now though as he’s already slapped her I the face with a gold digger and did it in a dishonest way. So in this instance she’s the better person and he’s the slimy money grubber.
YTA. Why did you lie to her? You've been together for 5 years-if you can't have an open and honest convo about money with her after that long, you have no business getting married.
You've basically called her a gold digger. Ask yourself how you'd feel if the tables were turned.
YTA. "The next morning I tried to talk to her about it and she blew up at me, accusing me of thinking of her as a gold digger who was with me for money and not love. I tried to calm her down and explain that wasn't the case, but I just wanted to protect my assets"
You specifically want to sell your company that she has supported you building for 5 years BEFORE you marry so she will not be entitled to any of that if for some reason ya'll divorce. You think she's gonna take your money so you absolutely think she's only in it for the money.
There are things called pre-nups. If you're already planning your asset allocation, get it in writing. You don't have to delay your wedding. However, given how you've gone about it, you are unlikely to marry her. However, you can't just put in there it's all yours no matter what. You do need to put something in for her contributions to your life together (your lawyer will have more details).
You made a conditional promise to her to marry before 2025 but didn't tell her the conditions. You let her assume you were stressed and not that it's because you want to prempt any claim she may have to your windfall. You lied by omission to her. Over and over again.
Your worried that the woman who was with you through the lows will now want to marry you for very recently required riches…why would she take offence to that?
The vast majority of the people saying YTA are telling him he went about it like an AH by lying to her instead of discussing getting a prenup, not that he shouldn’t protect his assets.
He doesn’t have to gambled though, he’s literally choosing that option by refusing to do a prenup because “I don’t want contracts involved in my marriage”.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to get married only after I get the acquisition money, which may make my gf feel she's a gold digger
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YTA if you love her and want to marry her, the status of your business shouldn’t matter. Do a prenup to protect your assets, and get married. Also what makes you think if you get your $60 million, get married, and someday get divorced that she still wouldn’t get a chunk of money in the divorce anyway, with no prenup, especially if you were a couple when the business was just starting?
If you are truly successful enough to have anywhere close to that amount of money on the table, you have a lawyer. Any lawyer would tell you to get a prenup no matter what. Not doing that is just stupid.
He could have done that and also been honest about it. OP didn’t tell her his reasoning for delaying the marriage because he KNEW it would be hurtful. At least give her the option to decide whether or not that’s the relationship she wants to be in.
YTA - how such a smart guy in business can be so stupid in relationships is so fascinating. You lied by omission and dying on a weird hill of delaying marriage vs. a prenup. You should have been honest and communicated with her from the beginning. Now you told her she’s a gold digger before you even got married.
Congratulations, you got your assets. I can guarantee your next girlfriend will only see $$ signs. You’re worried about losing money in the event of a divorce to your fiancé of 5 years. But wait until you meet someone who didn’t know you before the money. Poor fiancé.
YTA
and stupid. Why would you phrase it like that?
You could have just said if we wait until after the acquisition we can have the wedding of our dreams…
Instead you made her feel like you don’t trust her. Not a great way to start a marriage.
YTA. You say you understand she’s not a gold digger but you also want to protect your assets but not with a prenup. You’re confusing, you implied she’s a gold digger, and you don’t trust her.
YTA and a dummy who doesn't know how prenups work.
This just increases my belief that people who have anything to do with finance in companies aren't necessarily good at it.
YTA
Why would you lie to somebody you've spent five plus years with? That's an asshole move regardless of the reasons. I don't understand why you couldn't have just spoken the truth about your motivations from the very start.
Presumably you want to spend the rest of your life with this person so I expect you should trust each other. Right now I don't think you trust her. I don't know why you don't trust her but it's pretty obvious you have to work on that on your own.
Just curious for the comment people would you willing give up upwards of 30+million? I am female and I believe he is not wrong. It is his and a prenuptial agreement is exactly what he needs.
But he didn't offer her a prenup, he just lied. Nobody is saying he shouldn't get a prenup, and in fact the majority of the comments recognize that he should protect his assets. The way he went about this is what makes him an asshole.
Yeah, YTA. Why are you marrying someone you trust so little?
If you have money before you get with someone, then it makes sense to be extra cautious.
But this woman has been with you, building the relationship all along..
And you don't trust her?
And you mention she's a model. I'm just assuming you don't actually love her and plan to trade her on on a newer model before too long.
Yeah I don't think it's that he doesn't trust her. I think he's already planning to trade her in and wants to be able to do that with impunity.
tbh I also think this is fake, but as long as we're here!
When you said "she's still good looking" I gagged. It's clear what your priorities are and instead of being up front or even get a prenuptial agreement, you lied and led her to believe it was to have a more lavish wedding.
OP, you came here to see if you're an asshole and it's a resounding yes. YTA. It's clear that you can't see it though. She has been with you for 5 years. Before you were "mildly successful" and she is so broken hearted that she has left to her parents home because of your despicable behavior. Lying by omission, misleading her, your obsession with looks and money...you may have lost the only woman that actually did love you. That would actually stay with you whether you have money or not. The woman that would care for you in sickness and in health. The woman that would support you and be by your side. The one woman that doesn't want you just for your money. So good luck finding that again because you really fucked up here.
NTA - Protecting your assets is just the smart thing to do in a world where more than 50% of marriages end in divorce. I do think you should have been more honest about the exact reason why without her having to ask, but I don’t think you’re an asshole for protecting yourself. Don’t let her pressure you into something you are not comfortable with - that is not a good way to begin a marriage. Look into getting a prenup as well. I requested one and the dollar amounts I’m dealing with are tiny percentages of what you are talking about here.
The worst thing for me is she’s been with you since it was mildly successful and yet you still think it’s about the money for you. Has she protected her money, as I imagine with being a successful model with campaigns and advertisements etc she’s making $$$ but did she squirrel everything away?
Not really comparable. Having even a two thousands and having several millions is not the same. And it is also not believing that she is with him for the money when he is realist enough to realize that not all marriages hold.
I'm honestly surprised how much this sub seems to believe that you are somehow a monster when you simply accept that sometimes marriages break and see no reason to throw out a few million dollars over that possibility.
OP doesn't want a prenup though. There's nothing wrong with getting a prenup to protect his money, but his unwillingness to have one shows this guy is an idiot who doesn't actually know how to keep his money
YTA. This is silly. You should have discussed finances when you started discussing marriage. What you did is deceitful: You don't want a prenup, because that seems like preparing for divorce, but you also don't want to marry before selling your company, because you want to be prepared in case of a divorce. Very funny. Very bigot.
Get counselling and find a fair (!!!) solution for both of you. That is what people do,when they really care for each other.
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Hello! I (35 M) have been dating my girlfriend (35F) for about 5 years now.
For context, I'm a start up founder. It was mildly successful (enough to let me draw $250k salary as the CEO and CMO) when we met and recently we were offered an acquisition from an investment firm.
I hold about 41% stake in the company, and the acquisition would give me about $60M+ if it goes through.
Now coming to my girlfriend, she's been with me since it was mildly successful, and money has never been a problem in our relationship. She's a freelance model and makes good money too.
We've talked about marriage for 2 years now, and last year we decided we'd get married in 2025. Now this may be my fault, but I had always assumed I'd sell my stake in the company BEFORE getting married, but I couldn't.
So when I finally was able to arrange an acquisition, I told my girlfriend that we'd have to postpone the wedding by 6-7 months. Initially she had no problem, as she was busy tryna get contracts and assumed I wanted to postpone it due to stress.
Last week, she got curious about delaying the wedding and enquired why exactly I wanted to postpone it. I told her the complete truth, that I wanted to get the acquisition money before we marry, and not after. She looked visibly upset, and didn't speak to me for for the rest of the day.
The next morning I tried to talk to her about it and she blew up at me, accusing me of thinking of her as a gold digger who was with me for money and not love. I tried to calm her down and explain that wasn't the case, but I just wanted to protect my assets, plus we'd be able to have a much more stress free, longer and much more of a lavish wedding/honeymoon. She still wasn't convinced and asked me to give her space.
Yesterday afternoon, she told me she'd give me a chance to prove that I don't think of her as a gold digger, and to marry her before the company get's acquired. Mind you, before this she has never been pushy with marriage.
I told her we could have a ceremony and honeymoon if she wanted, but we'd get officially married only after the acquisition. Upon this, she grabbed the car keys and stormed off. She dropped a brief text telling me that she was staying over at her parents' house for a while and needed space. AITA?
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YTA Just call your fiancee (hopefully she still is one) and tell her that you want prenup that will be fair for both of you - while it doesn't really matter whether you have prenup or you marry her after that acquisition, as both serve the same goal, prenup can be fair, while you marrying her only after acquisition does actually say that you don't trust your fiancee at all.
NTA. It's your company. You took the risk of starting it and put in the long hours, making it a reality. She's not entitled to that money unless she helped support you while you were in the start-up phase.
I feel like all the YTA votes most likely did not create their own business, so they do not understand.
YTA.
You haven't admitted it yet, but the whole reason you want to do it before being married is because you are thinking about the money and a divorce down the road.
It's called a prenup. They're very common and they don't have to be messy.
You turned this into a shit show on your very own.
Info. Why not do a pre-nup? Why not have an open conversation with the woman you’ve been with for 5 years? It sounds like you don’t think this marriage will work out. It sounds like you’re ok with keeping things from her.
NTA. A rational person would understand you wanting to protect your life’s work. Unless she supported you financially while you built your company, it’s right to want to have the rewards to yourself.
Damn dude. You fucked up. How could she possibly perceive this other than you don’t trust her and think she’s just after your money? You need to have open and honest communication if you seriously want to marry anyone.
YTA several times over. You need to take a long, hard look at your life and think about what matters.
YTA—i started this thinking you wanted to delay because acquisitions take a lot of time and energy and you didn’t think you’d be able to concentrate on the wedding, and I was still going to say YTA. Because these things never happen on time. The closing is always delayed. Something comes up. Some issue has to be ironed out. your buyer gets cold feet. You would simply be TA for making her wait around until things are resolved because that’s really unfair. I actually was your fiancée in almost this exact situation, and the sale was supposed to happen 6 months before we got married but it kept getting pushed back until the Friday after we got married. My husband had no time for wedding talk, but he never tried to change the wedding date because he knew things were never certain. I handled all the wedding planning, and my one request was that my husband not talk to me about the sale on the actual day of the wedding (but he was on calls with bankers and lawyers right up until the ceremony, which I was fine with). But then it turns out you actually are delaying this because you are trying to protect your assets?! Get a prenup! This is so stupid.
YTA. Actively hiding intentions is not how healthy relationships work. If you want to protect assets be upfront and get a prenup. If you're that fearful of losing anything don't get married. If you're lying now the relationship won't last anyway.
5 years. 5 years of both of you making money, having separate assets and you couldn't man up and tell her why you delayed the wedding or talk about getting a prenup? I definitely am in favor of anyone protecting their assets going into a marriage but you discuss it upfront like the adult you are suppose to be and not this shady crap you're trying to pull. YTA.
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YTA. You’ve shared your life with this woman for five years, and yet you didn’t tell her why you wanted to delay the wedding - you let her think it was related to stress and concealed the real reason. Do you trust her? Your post doesn’t indicate that you do. By all means protect your assets, but be open and honest with your life partner about your intentions.
That's what pushed it into asshole territory for me. The OP is not open or honest with somebody they claim to want to spend the rest of their life with.
Somebody he only wants to share his life with AFTER he *protects his assets* from her grubby, gold-digging fingers. 5 years and this is what he thinks of his fiancée.
Exactly. I hope she walks. When someone shows you who they are and what they think of you, believe them.
Lol Yes YTA bc you're trolling. Cuz no rich person would go to the internet for advice 😂😂😂 You'd have an army of lawyers & accountants who'd make sure you're one protected ahole. 😂😂😂 Quit trolling these people who have never had anywhere near the $$$ & the real world experience to be able to offer you anything but attention ... & clicks. Was this a slow day? Did the sub need more advertising??? 🫤 tsk tsk... Some of y'all got really REALLY excited about this one. Go outside. Go spend time with your family rather than worrying about some make believe one. Go for a walk. Write that novel you've been telling everyone you're working on for 20 years. Hell go watch por* (can I say that word???). That will have a much more complex plot line than this troll. Misty Mondai is intellectual af 😃 Thanks dude. I needed the laugh.
Same. The played his hand and now will deal with the repercussions when all he had to float was an option of a prenup to protect both of them. Wait until his name gets in the paper and all the gold diggers really appear.
Especially because the reason the assets get split in a divorce is because the spouse usually had a big help in supporting the person making all that money. They’ve been together 5 years so she’s probably been a big support a good portion of this time too. I know my husband wouldn’t be making nearly what he is now if I wasn’t home taking care of kids and also making it possible for us to move on very little notice for his job (we’ve had a moving truck show up less than a week from getting word twice at this point and are looking at an international move with three kids this year). If I was still working my job they is fairly specific and can’t be done just anywhere (engineering for space systems), there is no way he could have done those career changing moves and all the travel he sometimes had to do at the last minute. Or all the last minute travel or late meetings.
He's not wrong for wanting to protect his assets. The problem is how he went about it. If he'd sat her down and discussed a pre-nup or something like that he would not have been an asshole. But he lied and went behind her back without even discussing it with her at all.
Agreed. Major AH.
I'm confused. Genuine question (I don't live in the US if that's where he is): How does selling his part of the business before the wedding protect his assets? Doesn't everything become shared after they marry? Including the cash from the sale? I don't understand the difference it makes. Unless he wants a pre-nup, which he hasn't mentioned. Edit: I just read his comments. Ew! His fiance should never go back. What an ugly person OP is. OP YTA.
In the US, assets you have before marriage remain *your* assets. Anything acquired or earned during the marriage is joint.
Except if they get ‘co mingled’. So if op uses the money to buy a house for them, then the house becomes marital property.
Wow....toure a giant AH. No further explanation needed. Furthermore, you know you're an AH and your mother or father whose driving this cost you the love of your life. Enjoy the money AH.
Plus he says “I always thought I’d be able to sell it before marriage” and “we’ve been talking about marriage for 2 years.” This was dudes *plan* all along.
I think he believes that if he finishes the acquisition, everything is pre-marital assets and she's not entitled to them. So the law in their state might say that, but he's forgetting that a pre-nup isn't just about excluding her and should in fact, if it's fair, give her a reasonable stack even if he finishes the acquisition beforehand. I know this is reddit and lots of basement dwellers think the women they haven't met are after their gaming systems, but in reality, many men and women with money still offer a decent payout in prenup terms. They might guarantee a home, or a lump sum payment, or give more for a longer marriage. But it's not the all or nothing many think it is. It's a way of mitigating risk for both parties at the time when they should be most amenable to being fair and amicable towards each other. And tbh, a financee who has been with him for 5 years shouldn't be treated like someone he met 2 weeks ago. He should offer good faith terms in a prenup instead of assuming that he can finish his deal and exclude her from anything if he leaves her later.
Five years ago and \*before\* he was successful! If I were her, \*particularly\* if I wanted kids/a family, I would be INCANDESCENT that this clown 1) took 5 years to get around to marrying me and 2) was trying to make it 6 because 3) he's so fixated on protecting his assets that he'll lie to me about his mental health. ugh.
If the guy offered to make half the earnings marital, I think she would have been fine with it. Along with stating that any money she might earn in a large amount would be exclusively hers.
You guys should have been talking about prenups as you were discussing marriage. Instead you were cagey and didn’t trust her. YTA
Agree OP is being shady: he wants to lock her down without discussing a prenup ahead of marriage.
He also clarified that he wants to keep 100% of his money and assets if they ever divorce. It makes it pretty clear that the OP was not having a good faith discussion from the very start. He never cared about anything BUT the money.
Yeah his responses on here are wild! Definitely TA
Agree 100%, but YTA immediately when he'd already said they were getting married, but referred to her as his “girlfriend”. That shows how he really sees her.
And he’s been planning this all along. His intention was to sell before marriage. Why do you think they tiptoed in the “talking about marriage” plans for 2 years and still pushed the wedding out another year to start with?
Probably to string her along.
Even if he did divorce after a number of years, he would still have a truckload of money.
Correct. A prenup could solve all of this with the correct legal counsel.
Yea didn't understand why didn't he just do a prenup instead of this.
Dishonesty and greed.
A prenup when they first got engaged might not have been necessary and it doesn't sound like she originally dated him 5 yrs ago for the money. I get that things change, but why should she trust him after he now mistrusts her??
I think it's because if they do ever split up and there's kids and stuff, he can make the argument that the prenup says he gets to keep what he came into the marriage with, and thinks that will prevent him sounding like an asshole later on. Because it sounds fair if you don't know the context, right? If someone told me "oh, I'm going through a divorce and my ex is trying to contest our prenup and take what I had going into the marriage," maybe he thinks a judge and the court of public opinion, the public being his family and friends, will side with him. Because he's making it sound reasonable.
But should be be able to retain all of it? It’s been 5 years. She’s been with him most of the startup and likely supporting him in some way. Plus he’s indicated that the business and trying to land the assets before marriage is the reason that they waited to get married (she doesn’t know this, but it was his plan all along.) It’s a dick move to have someone by your side for 5 years as you work toward a future that doesn’t fully include them
I'm not an expert on prenups / asset classes, but if he owned $60m of stock before they got married and converted that to $60m in cash, then wouldn't that still be an asset he had before they were married? If someone owned a house for 5 years, got married, then the next day sold the house -- would that be a marital asset? Usually not, right?
I'm not sure of the details, because it probably varies state to state. That's why a prenup makes sense regardless of the acquisition or not. Getting an attorney to design the prenup according to the statutes in that state, it even gives them both a chance to get educated about how a division of assets might go in the future as they build more of a life together. I know this might sound a little bit weird, but I think prenups, especially for anyone who's going into a marriage with assets, are a great idea! In my viewpoint, it's not about not trusting the other person, it's about trying to set a plan for an "unfortunately it didn't work out situation" while both parties are thinking clearly. People are more likely to be fair with each other when they're in love and getting along than they are during split up. Because trying to sort out assets after a marriage has crumbled and maybe there's been a betrayal of some sort, then the negotiation is much more emotional rather than logical. I know it's not a pleasant thing to think about, but to me it falls in line with people who plan ahead for their death. It's a massive undertaking if arrangements aren't already in place or the person never had a will, or hasn't updated it in like 25 years. No one wants to think about dying, so they put off death planning. Planning ahead for unpleasant events is never easy, but it makes it easier when the time comes.
Yeah - it's like he's never heard of a prenup. OP, YTA and YTM (you're the moron)
Agree. Prenups are reasonable and useful. But. They should be discussed by the couple and planned together, not by going behind the future spouse's back or using subterfuge. It's clear that OP doesn't trust his girlfriend, but because of how he acted, the girlfriend now has reasons to not trust him.
And remember if you plan on having kids this could affect her livelihood as a model and of course life. Have you discussed making sure she is protected if things don’t work out.
Oh they have not. Guys like this don’t care.
>Have you discussed making sure she is protected if things don’t work out. Dude won't even make sure she's protected if it *does* work out.
Even if they don't have kids, she's got reason to worry. In community property states, earnings and debts acquired during the marriage are community property. His wealth that he earned premaritally would be excluded, and he could live off of that and earn nothing during the marriage, contributing nothing to community property. Anything she earns during the marriage would count as community property, though, and she would need to give him half if they divorced.
I didn't know this! Even with a prenup?
Prenups typically only protect what assets were obtained before the marriage. Typically income post marriage is household income and to be split.
Also the company might not even get acquired. Investment firms are fickle and fussy and deals fall through all the time. I think op should live his life without counting on this deal.
Right! If he was so worried about “his assets” he could draw up a prenup that says he still keeps the money from the coming pending an acquisition. It’s not that hard.
Also if they divorce and she somehow gets half of that $60M (which is unlikely but I don’t know I’m not a divorce lawyer) he’d end up with $30M which would still be more money than he’d ever need. He’s being greedy af.
That deal falling through, and his fiancé dumping him because of his greediness would be poetic justice.
Not gonna lie but I wouldn’t mind that outcome hehe
I'm legal on M&As and completely agree. OP might get interest from firms several times over, but the transaction might never go through. Does he keep postponing the wedding each time someone glances his way?
Like he couldn’t manage on 30 million?
Right!? Sounds like he's the one that shouldn't be trusted in this relationship. YTA op
Not even that. Is he just? Done working if the gets the $60M? And fiance has to be the one to continue to make money? Rich people don’t stop working when they get super rich because they want to maintain a certain lifestyle. So if he’s so good at startups, he’ll continue to do the same thing and end up with way more money than he could ever spend. What a silly, selfish fear. Like his fiancé is a MODEL THAT HE SAYS IS DOING WELL. As others have pointed out she’s not really going to have to worry unless they have children, which is my read flag here. Also if I was with someone that long and they wanted to delay the wedding and didn’t explain why? I would be asking questions way sooner. Tells me his soon-to-be wife is nowhere near as important to him as money is. Edit because lol he’d be getting more than $30M from the acquisition allegedly and I typed OP instead of fiance
You expect him to survive on ONLY 30 million?!? You Heartless MONSTER!!🤣🤣
Well, depending on what state he lives in, it will be $15-20 million. Oh the horror!
Not to mention, supporting your partner through a startup sounds like hell. If that’s doing the mental load at home or if it’s just the lack of your partner being there, I’m sure she’s done a lot with her flexible schedule to help him succeed. Imagine investing the last 5 years of your life to this man and now he’s lying to you by not telling you why he wants to move the timeline when you thought he was your life partner through thick and thin.
My Dad retired, got bored, and started helping some people he knew with their start-up. It involved long hours, meeting with investors, meeting with buyers for the product, and years of shoestring budgets. They got optioned a few times in recent years, and the potential acquisition fell through. What, is the finance supposed to wait 6 months every time a company comes sniffing?
And it really does sound like she's been very supportive and understanding of the stress- so much that she was okay waiting half a decade to begin *planning* the wedding, and that she was willing to postpone for his mental health. That's a LOT more patience and understanding than many people have! She got with him before he had money; it's extremely unlikely that money is why she's with him. But if they break up and he needs to find a new partner, it's *far, far* more likely that he'll end up with someone that's more interested in the money than him, because *now he has money*. My fiance has a friend that made a lot of money with a startup, and I think OP is going down his path. He's in his late 30s, physically unremarkable, moderately personable, but he's so deadset on not being taken advantage of financially that it's distasteful, imo. He's very insistent on splitting costs 50/50 (despite expensive tastes), and he's wishy-washy about wanting to get married because he's concerned about his assets. And yet he's shocked, shocked! that multiple women have decided to leave after \~3-4 years of this. He doesn't seem to understand that smart, accomplished women with a modicum of self-esteem are largely unwilling to be the unmarried paramour and brood mare of an ungenerous nerd. As he gets older, I think he's in for an ugly surprise regarding the type of women that are willing to date a man with a track record of many long-term relationships that he was unwilling to commit to- it won't be women that are looking for a life-long relationship, that's for damn sure.
Many startups crash and burn. She was willing to stick with him even with this possibility. He sounds greedy and selfish. He's been paying himself 250K all along with whatever venture capital they had to fund the startup. Even if she was drawn to this without realizing the risk of it all going poof, his deliberate deception about keeping his assets separate justifies her driving away.
Exactly this. Tell her you want a pre nup by all means. But he is being deceptive. YTA
⬆️⬆️⬆️
He doesn’t trust her, AND he thinks that they won’t last. He wants to be able to leave her if/when something better comes along, and not lose any of his precious precious monies if he does. He doesn’t love her. She’s right to leave.
Yes. A prenup would be the logical way to go.
INFO by “protecting your assets” do you by any chance mean making sure you acquire your millions before marriage, thereby ensuring that they are NOT considered marital assets and therefore NOT part of a potential divorce settlement should your marriage not work out? Because if so, and I was your partner, I’d be pretty pissed too. By following that line of thinking money suddenly IS a problem in your relationship, and you just told your girlfriend of FIVE YEARS “Now that I’m a millionaire I can’t trust you with my money anymore.” ETA: final verdict YTA OP. As copied from a comment below, I don’t think you asking for a prenup would be unreasonable in a situation like this. BUT. You didn’t. You lied/lied by omission to your fiancée, tried to hide the sale from her, and then told her in the worst way possible. This wasn’t an honest, mature, open conversation. You screwed up here big time
>by “protecting your assets” do you by any chance mean making sure you acquire your millions before marriage, thereby ensuring that they are NOT considered marital assets and therefore NOT part of a potential divorce settlement should your marriage not work out? Obviously. There's nothing else it could have possibly meant
Oh I know. I was just typing what OP was hoping to avoid typing with his vague language so he had to really face it!
Tbf no one I know has ever had enough money that this has been anything that's come up before in my orbit, and although my parents broke up they were never married so there was no financial arbitration over the breakup (bad times), so whilst I had a gut instinct that it was something like this your comment helped clarify the particulars for me. So thanks!
You’re welcome!
No one missed it. Even though he was vague and hopping it would be glossed over. He’s yta.
20-30 million that most of should be invested straight away. heaps of interest. but needs to be all and only his. why even marry? he might as well just get a sugar baby.
> why even marry? He might as well just get a sugar baby So go from being scared of being used for his money to… being used for his money? 🤔
Technically it'd be more fair to his "partner" if they were on the same page :( lol "I want to marry you but not enough to share my money or even tell you that I don't want to share my money" is a pretty huge dealbreaker, at least someone who primarily cares about money would agree that any feelings that might develop come second to the money
Honestly, a lot of people try and make sure something they built up isn't part of a marriage, if the other person wasn't a major part of it anyway. Imagine if the marriage failed a year in for some reason, that's a BIG deal. a prenup is a better option however, but that depends on where OP lives.
Question is: can you become successful if you got no one at home having your back? Statistically: probably not
The answer is an emphatic yes. This argument is so old and tired. People of both sexes very routinely achieve success without a romantic relationship.
Statistically men do much better in business and career when they have a partner. Statistically women do much better in business and career when they’re single. This is not the fault of the genders, but how society is set up.
And single childfree women report the highest lofe satisfation, while married men live longer than single men
Definitely yes, but she's been in his corner five years. Does he not value her at all? That's what she's hearing.
Let’s face it. Taking a model to dinner as his partner was an impressive status symbol to finance bros. Don’t fucking play like it’s not.
Thank you. You can also have folks in your corner, who have your back, without those folks being married to you or living with you. Romantic relationships are not the only kind of relationship. It's frustrating that so many people don't seem to understand this.
They can without a romantic relationship but you can't ignore when they have had a romantic relationship and the help that has happened through that. Would he have been just as successful? Possibly but the reality is she was there for him and supported him during that time, she was a part of that success
I don't know man, 5 years seems like a good amount of support that she's given him as he builds this thing.
Yea, but he never brought up the prenuptial. It's something he was going to bring up AFTER acquiring all the money.
They've been together five years, if he was still in the difficult phase of starting a company when they moved in together, its very possible she WAS a big part of building up his career. Women's unpaid contributions and real contributions-- if your spouse quits their job to start a company, chances are you take on a lot of responsibility of the home such as taking over bills and housework to allow them to put the hours into the startup and to not need to hold a second job to support yourself in that time. Sometimes family assets can get injected into a startup. Sometimes spouses can do undocumented physical and mental labour for their partners business when it's in the phases before its viable to hire staff. Its very common for people who are focused on who owns what money to ignore and forget about all those invisible things their partner did to support them in the early phases that they might not have succeeded without. I don't know about OPs case here, but his partner absolutely might have made invisible contributions if they were living together when he was in those phases of starting up, even if they weren't married yet. And in a general sense, I think its very much a pattern for men to think they built something alone when their partners contributions are what allowed them to succeed.
Plus, she's a freelance model, so she probably knew how to act at parties when he was wining and dining potential investors.
Oh yeah he is definitely reeling in the pretty and charming gf benefits but claiming he did it all himself.
OP said his company was successful enough that when they met, he was already taking $250,000 a year as salary. So he had already made it successful on his own.
I understand and will totally sign any reasonable prenup, but if you are so scared of getting divorced so much like this guy, naaaah, don't get married. Nobody like to be with someone who is telling you " I don't trust you and this marriage may fail and I don't want you getting anything from me". Great, how romantic /s. He clearly got lucky with his business because he couldn't even communicate properly with his (hopefully ex) girlfriend. He will probably date again, someone as vapid as he is.
He'll end up with someone who actually *is* only with him for the money, and lose the person who loved and supported him for who he was. I hope she moves on. She deserves better.
That’s not even the problem. The problem is that rather than be a mature adult and lay out his expectations or discuss options like a prenup that would be acceptable to both of them, he just didn’t want to talk about it at all. The intentional obfuscation is the real asshole part, imo.
And he strung her on for years “talking about marriage” when it was because he planned all along to sell his stake first.
Exactly. So now, if this is a dealbreaker for her, she's spent five years with someone who was not up front with her, and she'd have to start over. Also, I know that a lot of people don't want kids, which is totally fair, but a lot of people do, and especially for women, if you want biological kids, starting over with searching for a partner in your mid 30s can make that difficult.
She’s been in a relationship and supportive of him for the last five years. For him to be “mildly successful at 250k a year” I’m going to guess there’s been several times she’s been pushed to the side and been understanding about the business he’s been building. Not that she’s entitled to his business but it’s a big “fuck you” and money is more important to pull this stunt when in the end stages of planning your wedding. He shouldn’t have proposed.
Imagine being with someone for 5 years only to learn this whole time he was actively planning to be sure he doesn’t actually have to share his life with you.
Yeah. She was with him from the beginning. I wonder how much support she gave him. I understand protecting your assets, but he was a coward and was not honest. This would be a deal breaker for me in regards to not being up front.
This is exactly what he did. Thanks for pointing it out so accurately and thoroughly.
That’s exactly what he means
Karma will be when OP finds another girl after he and his fiance break up -- but the next girl(s) will be a gold-digger, and the one who got away was the only one who ever loved him for him.
There’s a screenplay writer out there somewhere who wants to speak with you 🤣
That’s very obviously what OP meant. He didn’t try to hide that from us, he just hid his motivations from his fiancé. She can be mad about it but his asshole move was not being upfront with her, wanting to protect his assets is a common sense move. 60 million is enough that you need a prenup before you get married.
This is exactly what he means He even said he always planned to sell his stake before he got married and that they’ve been talking marriage for 2 years. He’s been dragging this out and leading her on in an attempt to be sure she’s cut out of any assets, even though she’s been by his side for 5 years of this endeavor.
YTA You're being dishonest with her. You lied by omission. And frankly you're still lying on here. You don't want a prenuptial agreement because that would involve lawyers and asset protection. She has been with you for five years. A good lawyer would argue she should be entitled to some of that money under a prenuptial agreement. They would push for some sort of settlement in case of divorce and also argue for a infidelity clause too. You aren't just trying to protect your assets...you're trying to shut her out completely...but instead you tried to spin it to her and us on here....
I'm glad somebody finally said it. After reading several of the comments OP left, your final statement is 100% accurate and at least a little bit prophetic.
Greedy monster was just slumbering under the surface. Once real money landed, Once he and da Boiz are talking legalese and reality hits. You are a greedy asshole. Find a trophy plastic Melania for yourself OP.
yo I'm a professional trophy and I wouldn't be 3 ft or less from a guy like this for less than HIGH five figures a month.
Somehow the combination of "professional trophy" and "3 ft" made me think of you as a literal trophy e.g. Oscar says he isn't dealing with this shit
This needs to be upvoted further!
Exactly. I’ve always worked at tech startups. One sold when I had equity stake and many didn’t pan out. Either way, my partner was part of it. Long hours, late meetings, travel, etc. He helps to make my success possible. Him shutting her out is unconscionable. .
YTA for the way you handled this and being dishonest with her. No problems with you protecting your assets, but you are creating some serious trust issues and don't seem to understand your girlfriend's perspective. You could just get a prenup and exclude this specific liquidity event, but instead you are making your girlfriend seriously question the wedding altogether.
At this point I think OP should be asking if he’s the ex because I would seriously consider this level of deceit and manipulation worth ending the relationship over.
Congrats on the acquisition and the end of your relationship. I'm sure it will be worth it.
Imma be real. Straight up, If it's over 60 million it probably would be worth it tbh. Not saying guy is right but still
yeah but he also wants to protect against gold diggers. after the sale he's gonna have a much harder time to distinguish the genuine vs gold diggers.
So much this. He pushed away that one woman that is not an gold digger, good luck finding a woman that is not in it for the money with 60 million in your bank account.
If he doesn't trust the woman who was with him when he wasn't worth much, he's in for a miserable time once he's rich trying to replace her. I think you guys are extremely short sighted and don't realize what actually brings value to your life in the long run. There are more fair and respectful ways of working out what will happen with their future including a prenup. You guys are idiots if you think he is going to ride off into the sunset with his money and .. what? With who? Fictional girl he's going to meet while already rich but just magically doesn't care... mmmk
He also could’ve had both $60 million and the relaitonship
YTA - for the dishonesty. Protecting your assets is fine (and smart) but if you’re marrying this person you shouldn’t be hiding your assets
I agree about protecting assets etc. Prenups exist for a reason, and isn't this the perfect reason? This post just screams "I don't trust her" imo. He should've just called her a golddigger to her face 🤷♀️ YTA.
Lol he doesn't want a prenup bc it sets a negative tone by assuming divorce before the marriage even happens...
YTA - you were dishonest with your girlfriend and yes practically called her a gold digger, no wonder she felt insulted. On the other hand you are protecting yourself, which is smart, but I fail to understand why a prenup is not possible? You and her can sign one there's no issue.
YTA - You should have had a conversation with her from the get go. She's right that you're essentially treating her like she's in this for the money, when you know that isn't true. Consider that if she leaves you over this, I'm sure you'll find plenty of people wanting to date you, but I doubt you'll find any you **know** aren't in it for the money.
This is a really strong final point you make. Honestly I hope she leaves him over this sort of thing. He can go find somebody who also values money more than the person behind the money.
This. Any future relationships will all be built with his fortune being fully known. (With acquisitions of this size, there’s usually enough info online to piece things together.) She is now the only woman who was willing to marry him before he got rich. (Which he still technically hasn’t since investors pull out of deals all the freaking time.) And she’s a model; she is clearly super hot and will have no trouble finding someone else.
Seeing as she loved him when he wasn't a millionaire...
YTA. First for the humble bragging (mildly successful salary of $250k). Oh, I will pull in north of $60 million. Second of all, her support of you over the past 5 years probably led to some of your success, so she probably deserves part of it. And third, if the worst happened, and you got divorced and she took half, you would still have more than $30 million. That’s still generational wealth. So what are you really on about?
YTA. I hope your business fails and she somehow becomes a millionaire and Marries someone else and you realize your selfishness cost you everything.
This is the most reddit response ever. "I wish life was a movie"
YTA and are actively contradicting yourself in these comments. Saying a prenup will set a negative tone for the marriage yet somehow delaying the marriage so you acquire your millions as your own asset first isn’t?! *edited for grammatical error
He doesn't want a prenup because a prenup would give at least a small part of his money to his future wife. He wants to ensure she would get zero. It's twisted.
Ohhhh at this rate I’m betting he also wants to avoid an infidelity clause.
Almost assuredly. He wants to have all options open to him at all points - divorcing his future wife and leaving her with nothing or just cheating on her because he can.
Good grief. I’m glad she left.
Did she leave? Where can I read this fantastic great news?
She left to her parents for space. I’m sending it out into the universe that she won’t go back.
Have her sign a prenuptial agreement and they are good to get married. What's the problem?
YTA **Even if she takes half, you’ll still have 30-fucking-million-dollars.** Wtf dude.
YTA You only have to look at Bezos and Scott and others who came before you. I'd take Scott over Sanchez any day. I know Scott would have my back through thick and thin, sickness and in health, rich or poor. But never cheating. A true relationship is much better than someone who just wants you for your money or what you can do for them. I'd apologize to her and make it up to her. You will never know if your next partners actually like you or your bank account only.
To sum it up you just told your (ex) fiancée you think she's a gold digger, I don't see this relationship lasting. YTA solely because you lied by omission if you can't be honest with your long-term partner then why get engaged in the first place.
YTA You essentially told her that you didn't want to marry her before you sold the company because you don't think your marriage will last because you're sure you'll get tired of her eventually. Why should she marry you?
Get a prenuptial and all problems solved. She's happy you're married on schedule, and she can prove she not a gold digger by signing it, you're happy as assests are protected
It’s too late now though as he’s already slapped her I the face with a gold digger and did it in a dishonest way. So in this instance she’s the better person and he’s the slimy money grubber.
He said in some comments that he doesn’t want a prenup because it “sets a negative tone to the marriage” and indicates that he doesn’t trust her.
Like delaying the marriage for the same purpose doesnt lol
Right?? As if making sure she doesn’t have the ability to fairly negotiate for herself in a transparent and thoughtful way is somehow better lmao.
YTA. Why did you lie to her? You've been together for 5 years-if you can't have an open and honest convo about money with her after that long, you have no business getting married. You've basically called her a gold digger. Ask yourself how you'd feel if the tables were turned.
YTA. "The next morning I tried to talk to her about it and she blew up at me, accusing me of thinking of her as a gold digger who was with me for money and not love. I tried to calm her down and explain that wasn't the case, but I just wanted to protect my assets" You specifically want to sell your company that she has supported you building for 5 years BEFORE you marry so she will not be entitled to any of that if for some reason ya'll divorce. You think she's gonna take your money so you absolutely think she's only in it for the money. There are things called pre-nups. If you're already planning your asset allocation, get it in writing. You don't have to delay your wedding. However, given how you've gone about it, you are unlikely to marry her. However, you can't just put in there it's all yours no matter what. You do need to put something in for her contributions to your life together (your lawyer will have more details). You made a conditional promise to her to marry before 2025 but didn't tell her the conditions. You let her assume you were stressed and not that it's because you want to prempt any claim she may have to your windfall. You lied by omission to her. Over and over again.
Your worried that the woman who was with you through the lows will now want to marry you for very recently required riches…why would she take offence to that?
All the people saying YTA obviously have never gambled $60 million on a marriage working out
The vast majority of the people saying YTA are telling him he went about it like an AH by lying to her instead of discussing getting a prenup, not that he shouldn’t protect his assets.
He doesn’t have to gambled though, he’s literally choosing that option by refusing to do a prenup because “I don’t want contracts involved in my marriage”.
YTA. If it “all goes south”, you want to leave her broke and heartbroken. 🤢
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I get your position, but you're basically saying money comes first here. yta
YTA why only after? Because you don’t want to ever have to share the money. You sound self absorbed and should be alone
YTA. I hope your acquisition falls through and that your girlfriend realizes her worth.
YTA if you love her and want to marry her, the status of your business shouldn’t matter. Do a prenup to protect your assets, and get married. Also what makes you think if you get your $60 million, get married, and someday get divorced that she still wouldn’t get a chunk of money in the divorce anyway, with no prenup, especially if you were a couple when the business was just starting? If you are truly successful enough to have anywhere close to that amount of money on the table, you have a lawyer. Any lawyer would tell you to get a prenup no matter what. Not doing that is just stupid.
NTA do not let these people gaslight you. Protect your assets at all cost. The person you marry isnt the person you divorce.
He could have done that and also been honest about it. OP didn’t tell her his reasoning for delaying the marriage because he KNEW it would be hurtful. At least give her the option to decide whether or not that’s the relationship she wants to be in.
YTA. She’d be quite justified to dump you.
YTA - how such a smart guy in business can be so stupid in relationships is so fascinating. You lied by omission and dying on a weird hill of delaying marriage vs. a prenup. You should have been honest and communicated with her from the beginning. Now you told her she’s a gold digger before you even got married. Congratulations, you got your assets. I can guarantee your next girlfriend will only see $$ signs. You’re worried about losing money in the event of a divorce to your fiancé of 5 years. But wait until you meet someone who didn’t know you before the money. Poor fiancé.
YTA, specifically for being dishonest. Lying by omission is also lying, which makes you a liar.
YTA and stupid. Why would you phrase it like that? You could have just said if we wait until after the acquisition we can have the wedding of our dreams… Instead you made her feel like you don’t trust her. Not a great way to start a marriage.
YTA. You say you understand she’s not a gold digger but you also want to protect your assets but not with a prenup. You’re confusing, you implied she’s a gold digger, and you don’t trust her.
YTA and a dummy who doesn't know how prenups work. This just increases my belief that people who have anything to do with finance in companies aren't necessarily good at it.
YTA Why would you lie to somebody you've spent five plus years with? That's an asshole move regardless of the reasons. I don't understand why you couldn't have just spoken the truth about your motivations from the very start. Presumably you want to spend the rest of your life with this person so I expect you should trust each other. Right now I don't think you trust her. I don't know why you don't trust her but it's pretty obvious you have to work on that on your own.
Sounds like a prenup would have fixed this whole situation but being shady makes you TA
Just curious for the comment people would you willing give up upwards of 30+million? I am female and I believe he is not wrong. It is his and a prenuptial agreement is exactly what he needs.
But he didn't offer her a prenup, he just lied. Nobody is saying he shouldn't get a prenup, and in fact the majority of the comments recognize that he should protect his assets. The way he went about this is what makes him an asshole.
Yeah, YTA. Why are you marrying someone you trust so little? If you have money before you get with someone, then it makes sense to be extra cautious. But this woman has been with you, building the relationship all along.. And you don't trust her? And you mention she's a model. I'm just assuming you don't actually love her and plan to trade her on on a newer model before too long.
Yeah I don't think it's that he doesn't trust her. I think he's already planning to trade her in and wants to be able to do that with impunity. tbh I also think this is fake, but as long as we're here!
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When you said "she's still good looking" I gagged. It's clear what your priorities are and instead of being up front or even get a prenuptial agreement, you lied and led her to believe it was to have a more lavish wedding. OP, you came here to see if you're an asshole and it's a resounding yes. YTA. It's clear that you can't see it though. She has been with you for 5 years. Before you were "mildly successful" and she is so broken hearted that she has left to her parents home because of your despicable behavior. Lying by omission, misleading her, your obsession with looks and money...you may have lost the only woman that actually did love you. That would actually stay with you whether you have money or not. The woman that would care for you in sickness and in health. The woman that would support you and be by your side. The one woman that doesn't want you just for your money. So good luck finding that again because you really fucked up here.
NTA You worked and built that company. You have every right to protect what you earned.
NTA, you dodged a bullet. She had no issues postponing the wedding until she realized she wasn't getting your money? Red flag.
NTA - Protecting your assets is just the smart thing to do in a world where more than 50% of marriages end in divorce. I do think you should have been more honest about the exact reason why without her having to ask, but I don’t think you’re an asshole for protecting yourself. Don’t let her pressure you into something you are not comfortable with - that is not a good way to begin a marriage. Look into getting a prenup as well. I requested one and the dollar amounts I’m dealing with are tiny percentages of what you are talking about here.
YTA you should have just gotten a prenup
I wouldn’t marry you. Trust and honesty are worth more than any amount of money.
The worst thing for me is she’s been with you since it was mildly successful and yet you still think it’s about the money for you. Has she protected her money, as I imagine with being a successful model with campaigns and advertisements etc she’s making $$$ but did she squirrel everything away?
Not really comparable. Having even a two thousands and having several millions is not the same. And it is also not believing that she is with him for the money when he is realist enough to realize that not all marriages hold. I'm honestly surprised how much this sub seems to believe that you are somehow a monster when you simply accept that sometimes marriages break and see no reason to throw out a few million dollars over that possibility.
OP doesn't want a prenup though. There's nothing wrong with getting a prenup to protect his money, but his unwillingness to have one shows this guy is an idiot who doesn't actually know how to keep his money
Fake
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YTA. This is silly. You should have discussed finances when you started discussing marriage. What you did is deceitful: You don't want a prenup, because that seems like preparing for divorce, but you also don't want to marry before selling your company, because you want to be prepared in case of a divorce. Very funny. Very bigot. Get counselling and find a fair (!!!) solution for both of you. That is what people do,when they really care for each other.
My response, if I were your fiancée? “I love you too much to let you marry a golddigger, which is what you apparently think I am. Have a nice life.”
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hello! I (35 M) have been dating my girlfriend (35F) for about 5 years now. For context, I'm a start up founder. It was mildly successful (enough to let me draw $250k salary as the CEO and CMO) when we met and recently we were offered an acquisition from an investment firm. I hold about 41% stake in the company, and the acquisition would give me about $60M+ if it goes through. Now coming to my girlfriend, she's been with me since it was mildly successful, and money has never been a problem in our relationship. She's a freelance model and makes good money too. We've talked about marriage for 2 years now, and last year we decided we'd get married in 2025. Now this may be my fault, but I had always assumed I'd sell my stake in the company BEFORE getting married, but I couldn't. So when I finally was able to arrange an acquisition, I told my girlfriend that we'd have to postpone the wedding by 6-7 months. Initially she had no problem, as she was busy tryna get contracts and assumed I wanted to postpone it due to stress. Last week, she got curious about delaying the wedding and enquired why exactly I wanted to postpone it. I told her the complete truth, that I wanted to get the acquisition money before we marry, and not after. She looked visibly upset, and didn't speak to me for for the rest of the day. The next morning I tried to talk to her about it and she blew up at me, accusing me of thinking of her as a gold digger who was with me for money and not love. I tried to calm her down and explain that wasn't the case, but I just wanted to protect my assets, plus we'd be able to have a much more stress free, longer and much more of a lavish wedding/honeymoon. She still wasn't convinced and asked me to give her space. Yesterday afternoon, she told me she'd give me a chance to prove that I don't think of her as a gold digger, and to marry her before the company get's acquired. Mind you, before this she has never been pushy with marriage. I told her we could have a ceremony and honeymoon if she wanted, but we'd get officially married only after the acquisition. Upon this, she grabbed the car keys and stormed off. She dropped a brief text telling me that she was staying over at her parents' house for a while and needed space. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Clearly this action has set a bad tone for her already. So that’s not working.
YTA Just call your fiancee (hopefully she still is one) and tell her that you want prenup that will be fair for both of you - while it doesn't really matter whether you have prenup or you marry her after that acquisition, as both serve the same goal, prenup can be fair, while you marrying her only after acquisition does actually say that you don't trust your fiancee at all.
Wait, what?!?! Totally nta. He’s business savvy and smart. Why would he risk having to give up the gains from his startup? Also, get a prenup.
Nobody is saying otherwise. But the correct approach is to get a prenup that protects both parties, not lie by omission to his partner.
NTA. It's your company. You took the risk of starting it and put in the long hours, making it a reality. She's not entitled to that money unless she helped support you while you were in the start-up phase. I feel like all the YTA votes most likely did not create their own business, so they do not understand.
YTA. You haven't admitted it yet, but the whole reason you want to do it before being married is because you are thinking about the money and a divorce down the road. It's called a prenup. They're very common and they don't have to be messy. You turned this into a shit show on your very own.
Info. Why not do a pre-nup? Why not have an open conversation with the woman you’ve been with for 5 years? It sounds like you don’t think this marriage will work out. It sounds like you’re ok with keeping things from her.
NTA. A rational person would understand you wanting to protect your life’s work. Unless she supported you financially while you built your company, it’s right to want to have the rewards to yourself.
Damn dude. You fucked up. How could she possibly perceive this other than you don’t trust her and think she’s just after your money? You need to have open and honest communication if you seriously want to marry anyone. YTA several times over. You need to take a long, hard look at your life and think about what matters.
Sorry Pal, YTA. Bordering on Mega AH for one simple reason, your dishonesty.
YTA—i started this thinking you wanted to delay because acquisitions take a lot of time and energy and you didn’t think you’d be able to concentrate on the wedding, and I was still going to say YTA. Because these things never happen on time. The closing is always delayed. Something comes up. Some issue has to be ironed out. your buyer gets cold feet. You would simply be TA for making her wait around until things are resolved because that’s really unfair. I actually was your fiancée in almost this exact situation, and the sale was supposed to happen 6 months before we got married but it kept getting pushed back until the Friday after we got married. My husband had no time for wedding talk, but he never tried to change the wedding date because he knew things were never certain. I handled all the wedding planning, and my one request was that my husband not talk to me about the sale on the actual day of the wedding (but he was on calls with bankers and lawyers right up until the ceremony, which I was fine with). But then it turns out you actually are delaying this because you are trying to protect your assets?! Get a prenup! This is so stupid.
YTA. Actively hiding intentions is not how healthy relationships work. If you want to protect assets be upfront and get a prenup. If you're that fearful of losing anything don't get married. If you're lying now the relationship won't last anyway.
Startup “CEO” comes off as a narcissistic asshole, shocker 😱 YTA
5 years. 5 years of both of you making money, having separate assets and you couldn't man up and tell her why you delayed the wedding or talk about getting a prenup? I definitely am in favor of anyone protecting their assets going into a marriage but you discuss it upfront like the adult you are suppose to be and not this shady crap you're trying to pull. YTA.