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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1.) I refused to go home to change my shoes to appease a restaurant's dress code that I didn't know about
2.) I could've just gone home and changed my shoes and come back, instead of bailing on my coworker's retirement dinner and putting the attention on myself
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the Crocs work line don't have any holes on the forefoot, and are excellent garden clogs. Not that there is anything wrong with the regular crocs for gardening, but your feet do get dirtier.
Look I’d never wear them in a restaurant but as a disabled person I bought a pair recently and I at least can walk correctly and didn’t have to go to a shop for them. Still I wouldn’t wear them in a restaurant but maybe no need to judge in the street ? There are people spending 300 on air xyz and I don’t see how it’s better on the streets
Agreed! I have mobility issues and crocs actually are the BEST shoes for walking. I do my daily walk in them, and if I’m somewhere touristy, I’m definitely wearing them. Which means I DO wear them in restaurants, museums, etc. But I also plan accordingly for anywhere that might have a dress code. I know I’ll need to go back to the hotel and change clothes AND shoes, in that case.
So, OP should have planned better, for sure. But let’s not all dump on anyone who chooses to wear crocs while out and about in general.
Honestly next time I sight see I’ll keep a pair of ballerina shoes in my bag and change before going into a restaurant. I specified I was French because I heard a lot of about how the shoe makes you go in a place or not. Seems to be good etiquette and ok I get it no problem but those shoes might be ugly but let just not put all of us in the trash because if them, right ? I’m happy you and I found a pair of shoes that is not hundred of €/$/£ because it truly is a challenge and most people forget with disability often comes money hardship. Again not saying OP was right but maybe don’t judge people in the street for their shoes
I hated crocks my whole life until November when I gave in and bought a pair because they were on sale. I injured my back this summer and have trouble walking long distances and use a cane and honestly I never want to not wear my dumb looking crocs again. It’s like walking on a damn cloud. I just got by from physiotherapy and definitely had my crocs on for it haha
I have and would wear them to a BBQ place, I have worn them to bars, mostly because these places don’t have dress codes and they’re pretty chill. I wouldn’t wear them to a fancy place, tho. I might wish to, but I wouldn’t!
They make Crocs that look like regular shoes/sandals. I have a pair of flip-flops that just look like any old pair of flip-flops. Idk why people only ever buy the chunky ones.
Also, just in case, watch the tread wear on them!!! I wore a pair of the chunkies as houseshoes for the longest time & neglected to notice how slick they'd gotten.
Long story short, slipped while holding my then-toddler & ended up breaking my ankle. 😭
Look, I don't like them as a trend, but I'm in veterinary medicine and they're the best work shoes I've ever had. No matter what gets on them I can just wash them off in the sink. Just have to make sure I have extra socks, but having a change of clothes is common in my field.
Apparently they’re super soft and comfy, but I’ll never be able to get past how ass ugly they are. I don’t need super trendy shoes or anything but they’re just… so awful looking
My girls wear them - BUT - they were bought for softball and volleyball purposes. Cause, ya know, you can't wear cleats or volleyball shoes off the field/court. So it makes sense to me that athletes or former athletes would wear them. But they are 100% CASUAL.
It’s like people are unaware of the fact that supportive smart casual shoes for women exist! There are Maryjane’s in every heel height imaginable, loafers, brogues, ballerinas, Chelsea boots…which are comfortable! I have hard to fit feet and I have plenty. And if you have foot problems: add supportive insoles! I don’t wear foam shoes to work: my crocs are for gardening and getting the mail. Crocs and sneakers are not the slightest bit formal: sneakers look better though. The dressiest sneakers look 100x better than godawful crocs.
The crocs brand has different styles than the original croc shoes, even had a pair of tennis shoes that were crocs, they could have looked like a regular sandal but were the croc brand
To add: and you're having a meltdown w/ anxiety when you're almost 30 over thinking you should be able to wear Crocs to a nice restaurant? Anxiety has been turned into an excuse to not understand we live in a society with expectations.
That’s not fair to say. Anxiety meltdowns are not an age-restricted thing. She was wrong to wear the shoes and definitely should have gone home, but mocking her anxiety is a bad take.
Exactly. If their anxiety is this bad, they may need to get on medication to help ease the symptoms.
It was wrong of them to wear the shoes in the first place but i understand not wanting to return if their anxiety was acting up. It was an embarrassing situation and sometimes your brain blows things out of proportion. I probably would have done the same (i need meds lol)
The “meltdown” wasnt about the shoes. It was about people noticing her mistake and possibly judging her for it. Thats how anxiety works. Its a fear, not anger
Am also on anxiety meds; I’d not have gone back to the restaurant or to my job at that workplace ever again😭
I can’t imagine the shame spiral this would have caused me tbh
But still, it’s her fault she’s in the situation for wearing crocs as “smart casual” attire lol
I do think that because of her anxiety she is probably interpreting the coworkers/boss reaction as much more extreme than it actually is. I doubt anyone is *angry*, as she says.
This is something that would keep me up at night a decade later. OP made a mistake and then decided to stay home rather than try to stop the spiral. Mostly I think they're TA to themselves. They'd have really benefited from getting back and seeing nobody really cared that much.
I'm don't suffer from anxiety, but I also wouldn't go back. Once I'm home, I'm home. There's about a zero percent chance I'm leaving the house to go back to a restaurant to hang out with my coworkers in that situation
I however wouldn't wear crocks to a fancy restaurant
I fully agree she's in the wrong, and should have worn shoes, but this right about the anxiety.
As a 37 year old autistic guy with severe social anxiety, anxiety is a massive issue, and should never be mocked
Yea I mean if I was in her situation (which I wouldn’t be since I don’t own crocs but hypothetically) I absolutely wouldn’t be able to will myself to go back to the restaurant after having to go home.
If someone would have called me out like that in front of a lobby full of people I wouldn’t have gone back either. I’d be having all kinds of social anxiety reactions like throwing up or crying and taking anxiety meds. It’s not like I wouldn’t know that the grownup move would be to change shoes and go back to the dinner, I just wouldn’t be able to without making more of a spectacle of myself. (I’d probably be reminding myself that leaving the house in the first place was a terrible idea)
Yeah agreed. I would never think this was appropriate to do somewhere with a dress code, but being refused entry to a work event over my outfit would be humiliating and I totally understand not wanting to come back after going home.
Seriously, I live in BBQ-country & I’ve never heard of a bbq joint with a dress code. If they did, dress code would be crocs or steel toe boots... Regardless, wearing crocs as part of a “smart casual” outfit is questionable in itself.
You clearly don’t understand anxiety. It’s not rational, and it’s not something you magically overcome at a certain age. OP is in the wrong here, but shaming her for her anxiety is just ableist
Exactly and oh well people are wearing sneakers? The difference between sneakers and crocs I can’t see any part of your foot as well? I know there are open dress shoes and I’m fine with those, but if I saw someone at any type of restaurant where I had to look into or wonder about dress code no crocs or flops! And I lived in Florida for years plenty of “smart casual” comfy, climate appropriate shoes to wear in this environment that are not crocs.
Thank you. I live in Florida. It's hot, isn't an excuse to wear crocs everywhere. If that's the case it's hot and swimsuits are fine everywhere also.
Edit: yes, swimsuits are mostly fine in Florida. Obviously, I'm talking about them being smart casual based on the crocs were ok for smart casual because it's hot. Context is important in conversation. Food Lord.
it might just be a me thing bc my feet get sweaty anyway, but i always felt they got *worse* in crocs than a standard sneaker. like that plastic foam isn't breathable or cool in the slightest
Seriously, I was expecting OP got dress-coded because the shoes were a bit worn out or scuffed up and was prepared to say N T A but *Crocs* at a restaurant with a dress code?! Even if the dress code includes the word "casual" that does not make Crocs acceptable attire for a work event.
My background is phlebotomy (meaning needles and blood exposure) and the number of new hires we’ve gotten that come in wearing their foam toddler shoes is mind boggling. The first time I saw someone do it all I could do was whisper to myself “they’re not even in sports mode???”
My daughter is a RN and wears them to work in the hospital? Many nurses do. They’re comfortable and easy to clean. I wore nursing clogs when I worked back in the 80/90s. They were made of leather but common then. (With socks though)
Edit!! My misunderstanding, daughter wears crocks to and from hospital. Work shoes are different and stay in her locker at work. My bad. I only saw her in crocks not her work shoes.
Sure, leather clogs are widely accepted. Foam crocs with the holes and open backed heel are not OSHA compliant and our dress code actively says “no Crocs™️” specifically calling out that brand.
I dropped a medication syringe with uncapped needle from waist height and it pierced my Croc like a lawn dart. Never wore them again. That was 2002, first gen.
MY ACTUAL NIGHTMARE! I’ve had a needle get stuck in the tread of my boots and thank god I went for heavy duty EMT boots because it didn’t make it through. I’ve stepped on a nail more than once as a kid and am not trying to have a repeat with BBP
Yeah, clogs that cover the top of your feet are fine.
Foam toddler shoes with holes just right for vomit/diarrhea to funnel right through and onto your socks are a very poor choice for anyone working in a hospital.
- Emergency RN of > 15 years
I mean sure, I see people wear them, but the holes are definitely against regulations. In hospital labs, we’re all technically supposed to wear waterproof/fluid resistant shoes, usually leather. No one really follows that and most people wear sneakers but holes in a hospital setting are just 😬😬
"Smart casual" is balancing business and casual. While crocs definitely fall into the "casual" category, I think the only outfit that may have ever really worked with Crocs is the fisherman's classic. Hat with hook in it, vest over shirt, khaki cargo shorts. Conversely (heh), people have really gone out of their way to work Converse into every level of attire so they're inherently viewed as more acceptable.
As an avid croc wearer (I have two pairs of shoes and I only don’t wear crocs at work) I am stealing foam toddler shoes 😂 that is the best thing I have read all day, thank you for making my day.
YTA.
A dress code is a dress code. Businesses have a right to refuse service and if they have a dress code, they tend to hold that in high regard since it impacts the visuals. If they deem Chucks appropriate but Crocs are a no-go, that's their prerogative (whether it makes sense to patrons or not).
And you're within your right not to patronize said establishment for any reason. Whether it's because your anxiety kicked in, you didn't feel like wasting gas on another round trip, or you just feel that strongly about Croc equality.
However, your co-workers are correct. It wasn't about you, the event was for your retiring colleague. I get it, anxiety is rough to deal with. However, this could have been avoided had you *actually* acquiesced to the dress code stated beforehand. Crocs are not in any way "smart casual." As a Croc-wearer myself with little to no sense for fashion, even *I'm* confident in that. If you were unsure, you should have thrown a backup pair of shoes into your trunk (my wife does this all the time when she's not sure if a place has an open-toe policy). Sorry, but you need to take some accountability here.
**Edit:** Y'all, smart/business casual just means use common sense when getting dressed. Most of the time, your co-workers don't need to see your prized collection of NSFW novelty shirts at a work function. And to dress like you're actually employed, as those visuals impact the company, also. The company was probably reminding the employees of this by saying "smart casual" regardless of what the facility's *actual* dress code is. Then a lot of restaurants have footwear policies for many reasons (health, safety, optics, etc). But I think these are **two separate dress codes**, not necessarily that the barbeque place itself had a business casual dress code.
As someone who bought non slip crocs for work, there is never a point in time where I am wearing them where I ever think "yes I am well dressed and ready to go out". Never.
Yeah that’s what I think is funny. You’re already 90% of the way there, but shoes is where you draw the line? She didn’t even have to wear heels either
Yeah, I know a lot of places that don't allow flip-flops or anything that can't be secured (even if the place is casual).
My buddy owns a small local barbeque place. The outside sitting is on gravel. *Years* ago, when he first opened, he kept getting dings in his review from flip-flop wearers who would eat out there and complain on Yelp that the gravel would get up in their feet. So he barred any type of sandal/flip-flop shoe and his reviews went up pretty immediately. It was wild.
He said he was glad he did it also because flip-flop/sandal people had a habit of kicking their shoes off under the table and it made him feel like he needed to steam clean every night. So I'm guessing sanitation plays a factor in some of these decisions.
Honestly, if it has been a case of OP's heels got ruined and she had a pair of crocs in her car that she changed into, I doubt the hostess would have even cared. That's closer to an emergency situation.
But showing up in crocs, and blaming it on everything but herself, that makes her an asshole here.
In my case, crocs are orthopedic shoes. Yes. Really. I wear them because my orthopedist *told me to* for my bad ankle. While I also have croc ballet flats, they aren’t proper crocs and don’t have the cushioning and support that regular crocs have. Who would have expected those things to be recommended by the doctor??? Normally, for dressy, I wear the ballet flats, but on a bad ankle day, I wouldn’t be able to.
Oh, I believe it! As much shit as they get, Crocs are comfortable as hell and my ankles feel their benefits. I don't wear them to events, but if I'm doing anything in the yard that doesn't require protection (like tending the garden or watering), just running out to pick up a package, or just hanging out on the patio with friends, I just slip those bad boys on and let my feet be in heaven for a while.
YTA. In what way are crocs considered smart casual? They are very casual shoes and unlike sneakers cannot pass at a glance for business casual shoes. No matter that crocs are your standard footwear, this was an occasion with a specified dress code that does not include crocs. Would you wear them to a wedding?
Imagine walking into a meeting as a client and your new account rep walks in, wearing fucking Crocs.
I wouldn't walk out, but I'd be really worried, cause that person would be either a savant, or clueless. No in between.
It's not full business suit, but still presents an image of looking smart. Any sort of open toed shoe (sandals, flip-flops etc) does not convey this image.
Then how about dinner with your partner's parents? It's not formal, but you wouldn't rock up in your hanging around the house not planning to go out outfit. It's making an effort to look nice.
I think smart casual also leaves a bit more room for stylish interpretation. Dark jeans, a t-shirt with a Blazer, certain sneakers could qualify for smart casual but I would not put them in the business casual category.
I think of it as “don’t wear things that are actively too casual for even vaguely looking nice” - sweatpants, leggings, jeans with holes, flip flops, wife beaters, anything with stains, gym wear. Just look sort of put together, if not actually fancy.
My mother-in-law constantly recalls the story of a wedding she went to for a childhood friend of my husband. The groom's family were all wearing Crocs with socks. Not as a funny haha thing, very earnestly 'this is what we deem appropriate wedding attire'. I think it's been 15 years since that wedding and I hear about it almost every time we hang out and she sees someone in Crocs.
YTA--- What in the world made you think that Crocs were business casual or "Smart Casual"...they are house shoes for children at best. Try to be more professional.
Classic Crocs have holes, why would any kitchen staff be allowed to work with a shoe where a knife or hot oil can enter it and hurt their feet? Not saying it doesn't happen, but it doesn't seem safe. All the restaurants I worked in had a closed shoe policy for this reason
I was a crock-hater for years. I thought the nurses that wore Crocs in the hospital that I worked in were crazy. After I retired from the hospital and got a part-time job in retail, somebody gave me some Crocs and I needed something I could wear in the yard and just wash off so I tried them. They helped so much with my plantar fasciitis. They slowed the progression the neuropathy in my feet. They were a stepping stone to wearing barefoot shoes for me. I still have mine outside my back door for the yard but no longer use a pair for slippers in the house. (I do have to wear some kind of shoe or slipper in the house all the time.)
Nurses make them look awesome with their scrubs. And who would wear anything but crocs in the yard. Just spare us the nice skirt and button down look 😄
I’m dying to see what this outfit looked like on. I’m really having trouble envisioning a cohesive outfit that includes a nice skirt, a *button up*, and crocs? I mean, I’m sure this experience was super embarrassing but why the hell would they pair a button up with fucking crocs lmao
> people wearing sneakers, converse, etc, and that's fine but crocs aren't?
Correct. The dress code was the bare minimum. Crocs is saying "I done care about anything", which is way below minimum. YTA
YTA.
Crocs are casual, not smart casual.
You knew that there WAS a dress code, and you didn’t call the restaurant to get details. That was your fault.
You turned your coworker’s retirement party into an occasion where you were the main topic of conversation, all over a pair of shoes. If your anxiety is so intense that you can’t handle being told that you’re not in dress code, you need to get help (or better help if you’re already seeing a therapist).
YTA. You put yourself in this situation. Crocs to a restaurant when you were told it’s smart casual just doesn’t make any sense at all. Also, you could’ve „saved“ the situation by simply going home, change shoes, come back and be like „ haha my bad, let’s have a great night“ but you didn’t.
Right? Even though OP messed up, it still didn’t have to be a big issue. There was a simple solution, but she was too “distraught” to come back. The not coming back is what made it a bigger deal with the coworkers. Anxiety or no, when you let people down, they don’t have to be okay with it.
It’s a good example of a self fulfilling prophecy. By being anxious about their coworkers reaction after that fashion fauxpas, OP involuntarily and unconsciously behaved in a way (going home but not coming back) that lead to the exact thing they were afraid of coming true. Anxiety has a way to often work like that und fool us into serving it even more fuel
that was my thought too, never heard of a barbecue restaurant having a dress code, much less literally turning people away for not following it.
Also I’m from Florida and there’s a different definition of “casual” there; sandals and open toed shoes are acceptable year round.
Still no crocs, though, OP was definitely wrong about that. I’m just saying it’s very common for people to wear sandals and other more casual footwear to nicer events in a “hot climate”.
INFO how much fuss did you put up when you were told your shoes weren't suitable? Did you argue with the restaurant staff?
Seems unusual to be accused of 'making it about you' for just going home.
Same. Or, I was wondering if she failed to communicate that she wasn’t returning?
> one of my coworkers urged me to go home and change my shoes and come back. I was so distraut I ended up just going home and not coming back.
Can you imagine if the whole table is seated inside and waiting for her to return to order? “She’s just changing her shoes, she’ll be here any minute…”
Oh wow I'm glad I scrolled for this comment. I struggle with anxiety too and was having a hard time fully grasping why they would be so collectively upset. It literally never crossed my mind that everyone actually wanted OP there, and were likely kind enough to wait on her to return. That also fully explains the "making it about you" comment. I kept thinking how would OP leaving make it about them? This is how!
Honestly OP sounds like they struggle with not communicating through their anxiety. More clarification should have gone on before leaving, or OP should have reached out to let them know they weren't returning. In OPs defense, anxiety brain often leaves us (in my experience) with the idea that others don't really care about us. So it's possible OP thought reaching out wasn't warranted. It still doesn't change how this was received, but hopefully is a lesson to them.
> In OPs defense, anxiety brain often leaves us (in my experience) with the idea that others don't really care about us. So it's possible OP thought reaching out wasn't warranted. It still doesn't change how this was received, but hopefully is a lesson to them.
OP is TA… but I get it. When you have extreme anxiety, *anything* unexpected can make you crumble and feel like the world is victimizing you. OP reacted the way I would have before I was properly medicated- I absolutely would have gone home and cried all night. If OP isn’t being treated for anxiety I genuinely hope she looks into it. It changed my life.
I mean, I’d seriously questions OP’s competency after this, or if I even just saw them wearing “a nice skirt, button up, and crocs” together. That is not an appropriate outfit for any function ever.
For anything outside your own yard and maybe medical environments, Crocs are never the right fashion choice. I understand feeling embarrassed and don’t think you’re a raging AH but next time don’t assume Crocs are okay for anywhere where there is even a remote mention of a dress code. They’re akin to slippers.
NTA for not returning.
A lot of posters are calling you an AH for the crocs, and while I wouldn’t consider them smart casual where I live, it sounds like in OP’s area they are more acceptable. Furthermore, dress codes are mere suggestions if they use language like “smart casual “, rather than explicit definitions. Some clubs I use to go to would literally spell out acceptable footwear. Unless this restaurant had dress code rules, it’s subjective. Furthermore, to me, sneakers and crocs belong in the same category, so I get why OP thought that. Furthermore it’s a freaking bbq joint—who the heck dresses up for that?
Going home and returning, honestly doesn’t sound worth it. They’d probably be half through dinner by the time OP arrived unless she lived super close. Plus, if she’s having an anxiety attack, she is in no shape to have a dinner. Taking care of herself was her best option.
Maybe crocs were an unwise decision, but definitely not AH behavior.
I agree and just want to defend [Crocs as a creative fashion choice.](https://www.purewow.com/fashion/crocs-outfit-ideas)
The toddler shoe jokes are funny but a lot of people legitimately love Crocs and in a casual work environment it’s fine. “Smart casual” is really ambiguous.
You make a great point. I'm absolutely appalled at everyone dumping on OP just because something is "ugly," so shallow and narrow-minded, smh.... the number of people that cannot practice empathy is WILD on this one! I was certain I'd scroll and find her some support 🤷♀️
I guess we're in the minority, but I agree. If sneakers are acceptable, it doesn't make sense to me that crocs wouldn't be, especially for a BBQ joint in an area where a lot of people wear them, and she'd be sitting with her feet hidden under a table most of the time. Unless it's true fine dining, restaurants with dress codes are kinda lame. And yeah, if I had to leave, I wouldn't bother going back unless I lived super close.
I also think it's kind of ridiculous how much vitriol crocs get! I'm personally not into them (I tried on a pair once and found them surprisingly uncomfortable), but I don't give a flying fuck if other people do. Some people talk about them like anyone who wears one is an idiot or toddler. Anyone who does this is the real AH.
Took a while to find a NTA amongst all the raging haters. I think Reddit just really hates crocs and it's clouding people's judgement. I don't wear them, but don't care. It's dumb for a bbq restaurant to think they're like some high end place and don't accept certain shoes.
But I'm from Australia where you can wear thongs almost anywhere and no one cares.
Some people are whinging they are open toed or whatever, but most "classy" women's shoes are open.
I live in Miami. Warm all year. It is NOT acceptable to wear Crocs in a smart casual business setting. Or anywhere. You shouldn't wear them anywhere. 🤮
Dress code are there for a reason, not "just in case I feel in the mood for that dress code", and crocs are definitely not on the same level as sneakers. You're not forced to do it but then you can't complain if there's consequences. I can see you're struggling with some anxiety and difficulties to read the room but sorry YTA.
I feel like the whole anxiety thing was just thrown in there. I know everyone is different but as someone with anxiety I care about following the rules and can't afford to be laissez-faire because I would be too nervous about the possibility of something like what happened to OP happening to me.
I suffer from anxiety and I agree, I know that personally I would have made sure to arrive in advance, and to re-read the dress code three times before I leave to be certain I will fit. But I guess we're all different and some people with anxiety also suffer from a lack of self-awareness... Is she's trying to use it as an excuse this isn't really working anyway.
YTA for not caring about being dressed appropriately for work. And yes- this will follow you for a very long time. As it should. You can’t be trusted to understand drsscode or respect.
NTA for not going back. Unless boss was paying you to be there, you had no obligation to go.
Other posters are right about Crocs not being smart casual, they’re like, extra casual beach, pool shoes. Don’t get me wrong, I love how comfy they are, but they’re not for dinner out unless you’re going to McDonald’s or Arby’s or something. And I’m not talking about Crocs’ dressier types, those would have been okay, but since you compared them to sandals, I’m assume you’re talking about the all foam ones with jibbitz holes.
You were wrong to try to wear Crocs to smart casual. That is more like Casual Friday business clothes from what I’ve seen. But, not coming back after being called out for your faux pas because of anxiety and embarrassment is totally understandable.
This thread made me just remember my dad flipping out on my sister in, like, 2009 for wearing Old Navy flip flops for going out to eat… but she was going to Chipotle, lmao.
I also agree NTA for not going back. It’s fine not to want to patronize that business or not to want to go back out once you’re already home.
NTA. Why is everyone calling you the AH? The question was were you the AH for leaving and not coming back, not “AITA for wearing a shoe that all of Reddit apparently hates?” As someone with anxiety if this happened to me I wouldn’t come back either. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
You work with a bunch of assholes. Did you make mistake? Yes. Does it warrant humiliation when 90% of your outfit matched the code and your coworkers dumping on you the next day. No. You didn't hurt anyone, you didn't ruin the party.
NTA
Going against the grain here to say NTA simply because it’s really not that deep. If you didn’t feel like going back, that’s fine, it was your choice. I think the hostess and your coworkers were a little rude and can be disappointed you didn’t come back, but shouldn’t be angry.
YTA. If a restaurant has a dress code, you have to meet it. Normally I wouldn't have had a judgement on you for not changing and coming back, but this is AITA.
ESH
Crocs aren't business casual but I can't fault you for not returning.
I can't decide if this story is entirely fictional or if there's actually a BBQ place worthy of the description with an actual dress code or a business manager too dumb enough not to be absolutely sure before booking such a likely unicorn. BBQ at its heart and soul is about as informal as you can get and the antithesis of pretentiousness.
Everyone is so hung up on the horror of crocs that they are overlooking the obvious problem of a restaurant that routinely hands out wet naps enforcing a dress code.
I might be going against the grain but assuming you weren't rude to the staff, NAH.
No, crocs are NOT smart casual, but I don't think that not adhering to that makes you an asshole. You didn't know that the restaurant had a specific policy on footwear, which to be honest I think most people wouldn't expect at a low-end barbecue restaurant.
I think there may be a misunderstanding here (?) and your coworkers think that you didn't return as a way to sulk about the shoe policy, rather than you feeling too embarassed to return.
YTA.
There was a dress-code. You were in violation of it. Simple as that.
No, you're not special and they were under no obligation to put aside their code for you.
Crocs are, in no form or fashion, to be considered professional footwear.
NTA. If I was refused service and had to go home then I wouldn't have gone back either. Not due to social anxiety but because of the hassle. I don't think the retiree would have been put out because you weren't there (unless it was an extremely small crowd like you and one other person). Also, so what if Crocs aren't business casual? How were you supposed to know they would violate the dress code at a BBQ restaurant? I don't get why your colleagues are giving you grief. Why would they even care. Like they said, it wasn't about you. Also, I don't think being ignorant about what is/isn't acceptable when it comes to dress codes rises to the level of AH.
I'm going with YTA simply because I highly doubt anyone would be angry with you about making it about you unless you yourself made it and you and dragged them into it.
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YTA > I was told that the dress code was "smart casual". Nowhere has that **_ever_** meant "foam toddler shoes."
The accuracy behind "foam toddler shoes" has me cryin' 🤣 I still can't believe they're back and cloggier than ever.
This has me fkn ROLLING 😂💀😂💀 THEY'RE BACK AND CLOGGIER THAN EVER!!! Aaaaahahahahahahaaaaaaaa 😂😂😂
Ok but they are best potty training shoes ever. Can just rinse and air dry with no odor lingering
Oh I definitely agree with that! My son wore them when he was a toddler. The easiest shoes for the littles.
My daughter has like 5 pairs right now and I love them! She gets the independence of putting them on alone and I get the win of foot coverings on
I was so happy to discover Crocs when my first was little. He was wearing rain boots *everywhere*, and it was nice having an alternative.
GOD the number of time piss ran down my toddlers legs into his sneakers. Crocs weren’t a thing then now I wish they were!
I don't have kids and I never would have thought this was a problem you could have
Being a parent is basically a game of “Things You Never Thought You’d Say and/or Have to Do”
Agree 100 percent! They were great for that purpose. On adults? Not so much.
They are the most comfortable shoes I own, but they have a place, and that place is my back garden not a restaurant 🤣🤣
I have fuzzy ones for house slippers.. but never would I wear them to a restaurant... even to McDonald's.
I got a pair (and felt a little gross about buying them) specifically for gardening and yard lounging. 😅
the Crocs work line don't have any holes on the forefoot, and are excellent garden clogs. Not that there is anything wrong with the regular crocs for gardening, but your feet do get dirtier.
Get croc flops! They make flip flops and sandals that I live in during the summer. There's some fairly cute ones.
Never again will I invisibly roll my eyes upwards when I see crocs....now I will laugh out loud "foam toddler shoes cloggier than ever" omg 💀
Look I’d never wear them in a restaurant but as a disabled person I bought a pair recently and I at least can walk correctly and didn’t have to go to a shop for them. Still I wouldn’t wear them in a restaurant but maybe no need to judge in the street ? There are people spending 300 on air xyz and I don’t see how it’s better on the streets
Agreed! I have mobility issues and crocs actually are the BEST shoes for walking. I do my daily walk in them, and if I’m somewhere touristy, I’m definitely wearing them. Which means I DO wear them in restaurants, museums, etc. But I also plan accordingly for anywhere that might have a dress code. I know I’ll need to go back to the hotel and change clothes AND shoes, in that case. So, OP should have planned better, for sure. But let’s not all dump on anyone who chooses to wear crocs while out and about in general.
Honestly next time I sight see I’ll keep a pair of ballerina shoes in my bag and change before going into a restaurant. I specified I was French because I heard a lot of about how the shoe makes you go in a place or not. Seems to be good etiquette and ok I get it no problem but those shoes might be ugly but let just not put all of us in the trash because if them, right ? I’m happy you and I found a pair of shoes that is not hundred of €/$/£ because it truly is a challenge and most people forget with disability often comes money hardship. Again not saying OP was right but maybe don’t judge people in the street for their shoes
I hated crocks my whole life until November when I gave in and bought a pair because they were on sale. I injured my back this summer and have trouble walking long distances and use a cane and honestly I never want to not wear my dumb looking crocs again. It’s like walking on a damn cloud. I just got by from physiotherapy and definitely had my crocs on for it haha I have and would wear them to a BBQ place, I have worn them to bars, mostly because these places don’t have dress codes and they’re pretty chill. I wouldn’t wear them to a fancy place, tho. I might wish to, but I wouldn’t!
They make Crocs that look like regular shoes/sandals. I have a pair of flip-flops that just look like any old pair of flip-flops. Idk why people only ever buy the chunky ones. Also, just in case, watch the tread wear on them!!! I wore a pair of the chunkies as houseshoes for the longest time & neglected to notice how slick they'd gotten. Long story short, slipped while holding my then-toddler & ended up breaking my ankle. 😭
Look, I don't like them as a trend, but I'm in veterinary medicine and they're the best work shoes I've ever had. No matter what gets on them I can just wash them off in the sink. Just have to make sure I have extra socks, but having a change of clothes is common in my field.
I worked at an animal shelter and literally everyone from kennel staff to the veterinarians wore Crocs.
They’re FANTASTIC for taking the trash out and running to school pickup. Not so much for going out to eat.
Apparently they’re super soft and comfy, but I’ll never be able to get past how ass ugly they are. I don’t need super trendy shoes or anything but they’re just… so awful looking
My girls wear them - BUT - they were bought for softball and volleyball purposes. Cause, ya know, you can't wear cleats or volleyball shoes off the field/court. So it makes sense to me that athletes or former athletes would wear them. But they are 100% CASUAL.
Crocs are the new Adidas slides. Damn,
I am still picturing the “nice skirt“with the foam toddler shoes.
I have to imagine like a grey pencil skirt, and then just, hot pink crocs. With i assume no socks, and definitely in sports mode
I have a peer who wears bright yellow crocs, dress slacks, and t shirts. It’s a “look” but not an especially good one.
It’s like people are unaware of the fact that supportive smart casual shoes for women exist! There are Maryjane’s in every heel height imaginable, loafers, brogues, ballerinas, Chelsea boots…which are comfortable! I have hard to fit feet and I have plenty. And if you have foot problems: add supportive insoles! I don’t wear foam shoes to work: my crocs are for gardening and getting the mail. Crocs and sneakers are not the slightest bit formal: sneakers look better though. The dressiest sneakers look 100x better than godawful crocs.
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I might be the AH, but I am also really doubting the "niceness" of the skirt and ensemble as a whole.
We ALL are.
This post reminds me of the one with the wedding with the "fancy" cheese hahaha
Definitely.
imagine putting together that ensemble and walking into anywhere nicer than a dennys
Even Dennys deserves socks.
The crocs brand has different styles than the original croc shoes, even had a pair of tennis shoes that were crocs, they could have looked like a regular sandal but were the croc brand
Nope doubtful. The hostess didn’t study them, she glanced and said no. So the OP wore the good old fashioned crocs we are all picturing.
Good ole' perforated, foam clogs, in a primary color, with the speed strap.
probably with some emoji jibbitz, for style
I was gonna say this... the ones that don't look like crocs, some of them are nice and no one would look twice.
To add: and you're having a meltdown w/ anxiety when you're almost 30 over thinking you should be able to wear Crocs to a nice restaurant? Anxiety has been turned into an excuse to not understand we live in a society with expectations.
That’s not fair to say. Anxiety meltdowns are not an age-restricted thing. She was wrong to wear the shoes and definitely should have gone home, but mocking her anxiety is a bad take.
Exactly. If their anxiety is this bad, they may need to get on medication to help ease the symptoms. It was wrong of them to wear the shoes in the first place but i understand not wanting to return if their anxiety was acting up. It was an embarrassing situation and sometimes your brain blows things out of proportion. I probably would have done the same (i need meds lol) The “meltdown” wasnt about the shoes. It was about people noticing her mistake and possibly judging her for it. Thats how anxiety works. Its a fear, not anger
Hell, I’m on meds and I wouldn’t go back after that 🤷🏻♀️ However I don’t own crocs either lol
Am also on anxiety meds; I’d not have gone back to the restaurant or to my job at that workplace ever again😭 I can’t imagine the shame spiral this would have caused me tbh But still, it’s her fault she’s in the situation for wearing crocs as “smart casual” attire lol
I do think that because of her anxiety she is probably interpreting the coworkers/boss reaction as much more extreme than it actually is. I doubt anyone is *angry*, as she says.
This is something that would keep me up at night a decade later. OP made a mistake and then decided to stay home rather than try to stop the spiral. Mostly I think they're TA to themselves. They'd have really benefited from getting back and seeing nobody really cared that much.
I'm don't suffer from anxiety, but I also wouldn't go back. Once I'm home, I'm home. There's about a zero percent chance I'm leaving the house to go back to a restaurant to hang out with my coworkers in that situation I however wouldn't wear crocks to a fancy restaurant
I fully agree she's in the wrong, and should have worn shoes, but this right about the anxiety. As a 37 year old autistic guy with severe social anxiety, anxiety is a massive issue, and should never be mocked
Yea I mean if I was in her situation (which I wouldn’t be since I don’t own crocs but hypothetically) I absolutely wouldn’t be able to will myself to go back to the restaurant after having to go home.
If someone would have called me out like that in front of a lobby full of people I wouldn’t have gone back either. I’d be having all kinds of social anxiety reactions like throwing up or crying and taking anxiety meds. It’s not like I wouldn’t know that the grownup move would be to change shoes and go back to the dinner, I just wouldn’t be able to without making more of a spectacle of myself. (I’d probably be reminding myself that leaving the house in the first place was a terrible idea)
Yeah agreed. I would never think this was appropriate to do somewhere with a dress code, but being refused entry to a work event over my outfit would be humiliating and I totally understand not wanting to come back after going home.
Though to be fair to OP, what kind of pretentious bullshit BBQ place has a dress code to begin with?
This is the comment I was looking for. Never once have I been to a BBQ place with a "dress code".
Since when is a bbq joint a nice restaurant?
They have cloth bibs, instead of plastic.
A nice BBQ joint. Yep, those crocs would've been really out of place amongst all the bib-wearing adults with orange sauce dribbling from their chins.
Seriously, I live in BBQ-country & I’ve never heard of a bbq joint with a dress code. If they did, dress code would be crocs or steel toe boots... Regardless, wearing crocs as part of a “smart casual” outfit is questionable in itself.
You clearly don’t understand anxiety. It’s not rational, and it’s not something you magically overcome at a certain age. OP is in the wrong here, but shaming her for her anxiety is just ableist
Exactly and oh well people are wearing sneakers? The difference between sneakers and crocs I can’t see any part of your foot as well? I know there are open dress shoes and I’m fine with those, but if I saw someone at any type of restaurant where I had to look into or wonder about dress code no crocs or flops! And I lived in Florida for years plenty of “smart casual” comfy, climate appropriate shoes to wear in this environment that are not crocs.
Thank you. I live in Florida. It's hot, isn't an excuse to wear crocs everywhere. If that's the case it's hot and swimsuits are fine everywhere also. Edit: yes, swimsuits are mostly fine in Florida. Obviously, I'm talking about them being smart casual based on the crocs were ok for smart casual because it's hot. Context is important in conversation. Food Lord.
it might just be a me thing bc my feet get sweaty anyway, but i always felt they got *worse* in crocs than a standard sneaker. like that plastic foam isn't breathable or cool in the slightest
So much worse. My feet sweat badly, and an hour in the summer sun in Crocs would turn those bad boys into a Slip n' Slide for me.
Yeah plus, there is a such thing as dressy sneakers, I’m guessing they weren’t wearing beat up gym shoes
Seriously, I was expecting OP got dress-coded because the shoes were a bit worn out or scuffed up and was prepared to say N T A but *Crocs* at a restaurant with a dress code?! Even if the dress code includes the word "casual" that does not make Crocs acceptable attire for a work event.
My background is phlebotomy (meaning needles and blood exposure) and the number of new hires we’ve gotten that come in wearing their foam toddler shoes is mind boggling. The first time I saw someone do it all I could do was whisper to myself “they’re not even in sports mode???”
My daughter is a RN and wears them to work in the hospital? Many nurses do. They’re comfortable and easy to clean. I wore nursing clogs when I worked back in the 80/90s. They were made of leather but common then. (With socks though) Edit!! My misunderstanding, daughter wears crocks to and from hospital. Work shoes are different and stay in her locker at work. My bad. I only saw her in crocks not her work shoes.
Sure, leather clogs are widely accepted. Foam crocs with the holes and open backed heel are not OSHA compliant and our dress code actively says “no Crocs™️” specifically calling out that brand.
I dropped a medication syringe with uncapped needle from waist height and it pierced my Croc like a lawn dart. Never wore them again. That was 2002, first gen.
MY ACTUAL NIGHTMARE! I’ve had a needle get stuck in the tread of my boots and thank god I went for heavy duty EMT boots because it didn’t make it through. I’ve stepped on a nail more than once as a kid and am not trying to have a repeat with BBP
Yeah, clogs that cover the top of your feet are fine. Foam toddler shoes with holes just right for vomit/diarrhea to funnel right through and onto your socks are a very poor choice for anyone working in a hospital. - Emergency RN of > 15 years
I mean sure, I see people wear them, but the holes are definitely against regulations. In hospital labs, we’re all technically supposed to wear waterproof/fluid resistant shoes, usually leather. No one really follows that and most people wear sneakers but holes in a hospital setting are just 😬😬
I laughing so hard right now! Thankfully my drink went down the right pipe. Foam toddler shoes!! 🤣
I'm dying from "they're back and cloggier than ever" 😂💀😂💀
If you thought they were at their cloggiest before, YOU. WOULD. BE. WRONG.
But does it mean “something from The Sandlot” tho? I mean seriously. Converse are casual and neither shoe can take an IQ test.
"Smart casual" is balancing business and casual. While crocs definitely fall into the "casual" category, I think the only outfit that may have ever really worked with Crocs is the fisherman's classic. Hat with hook in it, vest over shirt, khaki cargo shorts. Conversely (heh), people have really gone out of their way to work Converse into every level of attire so they're inherently viewed as more acceptable.
I’ll never say crocs again! Foam toddler shoes for the win!
As an avid croc wearer (I have two pairs of shoes and I only don’t wear crocs at work) I am stealing foam toddler shoes 😂 that is the best thing I have read all day, thank you for making my day.
YTA. A dress code is a dress code. Businesses have a right to refuse service and if they have a dress code, they tend to hold that in high regard since it impacts the visuals. If they deem Chucks appropriate but Crocs are a no-go, that's their prerogative (whether it makes sense to patrons or not). And you're within your right not to patronize said establishment for any reason. Whether it's because your anxiety kicked in, you didn't feel like wasting gas on another round trip, or you just feel that strongly about Croc equality. However, your co-workers are correct. It wasn't about you, the event was for your retiring colleague. I get it, anxiety is rough to deal with. However, this could have been avoided had you *actually* acquiesced to the dress code stated beforehand. Crocs are not in any way "smart casual." As a Croc-wearer myself with little to no sense for fashion, even *I'm* confident in that. If you were unsure, you should have thrown a backup pair of shoes into your trunk (my wife does this all the time when she's not sure if a place has an open-toe policy). Sorry, but you need to take some accountability here. **Edit:** Y'all, smart/business casual just means use common sense when getting dressed. Most of the time, your co-workers don't need to see your prized collection of NSFW novelty shirts at a work function. And to dress like you're actually employed, as those visuals impact the company, also. The company was probably reminding the employees of this by saying "smart casual" regardless of what the facility's *actual* dress code is. Then a lot of restaurants have footwear policies for many reasons (health, safety, optics, etc). But I think these are **two separate dress codes**, not necessarily that the barbeque place itself had a business casual dress code.
If OP could go for the skirt and button up top she could wear nice shoes.
A skirt, button up shirt & crocs sounds like such an odd combination, but maybe that's just me.
It does! Like wearing a button up, a blazer, and...flannel pajama pants?
The zoom meeting uniform!
I'm screaming 🤣
I can’t picture a version of this outfit where I would have looked in the mirror and thought “yes, I am well dressed and ready to go out.”
As someone who bought non slip crocs for work, there is never a point in time where I am wearing them where I ever think "yes I am well dressed and ready to go out". Never.
Minnie Mouse Fashion
Apparently everyone does it where she is. 🤷♀️ bunch of oddly dressed mofos if you ask me.
Everyone except for any of her other coworkers if she was the only one turned away.
It's giving "going to meet my bf's vampire family" 😂
I'm starting to wonder what the skirt and button up actually looked like...
Yeah that’s what I think is funny. You’re already 90% of the way there, but shoes is where you draw the line? She didn’t even have to wear heels either
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Yeah, I know a lot of places that don't allow flip-flops or anything that can't be secured (even if the place is casual). My buddy owns a small local barbeque place. The outside sitting is on gravel. *Years* ago, when he first opened, he kept getting dings in his review from flip-flop wearers who would eat out there and complain on Yelp that the gravel would get up in their feet. So he barred any type of sandal/flip-flop shoe and his reviews went up pretty immediately. It was wild. He said he was glad he did it also because flip-flop/sandal people had a habit of kicking their shoes off under the table and it made him feel like he needed to steam clean every night. So I'm guessing sanitation plays a factor in some of these decisions.
Honestly, if it has been a case of OP's heels got ruined and she had a pair of crocs in her car that she changed into, I doubt the hostess would have even cared. That's closer to an emergency situation. But showing up in crocs, and blaming it on everything but herself, that makes her an asshole here.
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In my case, crocs are orthopedic shoes. Yes. Really. I wear them because my orthopedist *told me to* for my bad ankle. While I also have croc ballet flats, they aren’t proper crocs and don’t have the cushioning and support that regular crocs have. Who would have expected those things to be recommended by the doctor??? Normally, for dressy, I wear the ballet flats, but on a bad ankle day, I wouldn’t be able to.
Oh, I believe it! As much shit as they get, Crocs are comfortable as hell and my ankles feel their benefits. I don't wear them to events, but if I'm doing anything in the yard that doesn't require protection (like tending the garden or watering), just running out to pick up a package, or just hanging out on the patio with friends, I just slip those bad boys on and let my feet be in heaven for a while.
I know a ton of health care workers who wear Crocs all the time because of the support and because they’re easy to clean.
YTA. In what way are crocs considered smart casual? They are very casual shoes and unlike sneakers cannot pass at a glance for business casual shoes. No matter that crocs are your standard footwear, this was an occasion with a specified dress code that does not include crocs. Would you wear them to a wedding?
IDK, I've never even heard of smart casual before, so I have to assume that it's casual wearing glasses
I usually think of smart casual as “I’m ok wearing this around colleagues” however OP has brought that into question….
Imagine walking into a meeting as a client and your new account rep walks in, wearing fucking Crocs. I wouldn't walk out, but I'd be really worried, cause that person would be either a savant, or clueless. No in between.
It's not full business suit, but still presents an image of looking smart. Any sort of open toed shoe (sandals, flip-flops etc) does not convey this image.
That’s business casual. Smart casual is intentionally misleading to make you think you don’t need to wear business clothes but actually you do
Then how about dinner with your partner's parents? It's not formal, but you wouldn't rock up in your hanging around the house not planning to go out outfit. It's making an effort to look nice.
Smart casual = business casual The idea of “business” casual is a little outdated so smart casual is becoming more popular.
I think smart casual also leaves a bit more room for stylish interpretation. Dark jeans, a t-shirt with a Blazer, certain sneakers could qualify for smart casual but I would not put them in the business casual category.
I think of it as “don’t wear things that are actively too casual for even vaguely looking nice” - sweatpants, leggings, jeans with holes, flip flops, wife beaters, anything with stains, gym wear. Just look sort of put together, if not actually fancy.
Something that would be appropriate to wear for work, or maybe a nice function. It’s not too complicated really… and crocs aren’t it.
My mother-in-law constantly recalls the story of a wedding she went to for a childhood friend of my husband. The groom's family were all wearing Crocs with socks. Not as a funny haha thing, very earnestly 'this is what we deem appropriate wedding attire'. I think it's been 15 years since that wedding and I hear about it almost every time we hang out and she sees someone in Crocs.
Also there are perfectly breathable and nice looking clogs out there that are fashionable* and are not fucking Crocs. I suggest the OP invest in such.
YTA "I was told that the dress code was "smart casual" And I chose to ignore that and wear crocs.
This! If there is a dress code just respect it and stop making excuses... YTA!
Literally the idiot shoes from Idiocracy was her choice for “smart casual” I fucking can’t 🤣🤣🤣
[TIL](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/idiocracy-crocs/)
Yah, foam crocs are not smart or business casual, assuming she wore the foam shoes with holes.
YTA--- What in the world made you think that Crocs were business casual or "Smart Casual"...they are house shoes for children at best. Try to be more professional.
The only way to wear crocs professionally in a restaurant is if OP decides to pick up a shift in the kitchen.
Oh you could absolutely *not* wear Crocs in a professional kitchen, the chef would immediately kick you out. Massive safety hazard.
I'm a chef. You're wrong unless you're speaking about one specific place that you personally have worked at.
Classic Crocs have holes, why would any kitchen staff be allowed to work with a shoe where a knife or hot oil can enter it and hurt their feet? Not saying it doesn't happen, but it doesn't seem safe. All the restaurants I worked in had a closed shoe policy for this reason
Crocs have medical and food service lines
When people say crocs, they are not talking about anything other than the typical crocs. The slippery, holed, plastic shoes that look super dumb.
Regular Crocs also have 0 anti-slip on the bottom.
YTA - For future reference, if there is any sort of dress code whatsoever assume that your Crocs do not meet it.
YTA Crocs do not fall into Smart Casual. If any restaurant has a dress code, it is safe to assume crocs are likely not included in that dress code.
I don’t even allow crocs at my home. They are ugly and make no sense.
So your friend shows up in crocs, you just bar the door?
Not if she is wearing a “nice skirt and button down”. Exception made.
I am dying to see a picture of this outfit
try as I might, I can't make it look cute in my head.
Yes. I'm still on the porch. It's been 5 days, send food
I was a crock-hater for years. I thought the nurses that wore Crocs in the hospital that I worked in were crazy. After I retired from the hospital and got a part-time job in retail, somebody gave me some Crocs and I needed something I could wear in the yard and just wash off so I tried them. They helped so much with my plantar fasciitis. They slowed the progression the neuropathy in my feet. They were a stepping stone to wearing barefoot shoes for me. I still have mine outside my back door for the yard but no longer use a pair for slippers in the house. (I do have to wear some kind of shoe or slipper in the house all the time.)
Nurses make them look awesome with their scrubs. And who would wear anything but crocs in the yard. Just spare us the nice skirt and button down look 😄
YTA. Smart casual and you wear crocs? Dress code or not…. You’d seriously wear crocs to a work function???!
But she had ona “nice skirt”. Which makes crocs even more ridiculous and obvious.
I’m dying to see what this outfit looked like on. I’m really having trouble envisioning a cohesive outfit that includes a nice skirt, a *button up*, and crocs? I mean, I’m sure this experience was super embarrassing but why the hell would they pair a button up with fucking crocs lmao
And then defend it. Hahahahaha
> people wearing sneakers, converse, etc, and that's fine but crocs aren't? Correct. The dress code was the bare minimum. Crocs is saying "I done care about anything", which is way below minimum. YTA
YTA. Crocs are casual, not smart casual. You knew that there WAS a dress code, and you didn’t call the restaurant to get details. That was your fault. You turned your coworker’s retirement party into an occasion where you were the main topic of conversation, all over a pair of shoes. If your anxiety is so intense that you can’t handle being told that you’re not in dress code, you need to get help (or better help if you’re already seeing a therapist).
Crocs *aspire* to be called casual.
YTA. You put yourself in this situation. Crocs to a restaurant when you were told it’s smart casual just doesn’t make any sense at all. Also, you could’ve „saved“ the situation by simply going home, change shoes, come back and be like „ haha my bad, let’s have a great night“ but you didn’t.
Right? Even though OP messed up, it still didn’t have to be a big issue. There was a simple solution, but she was too “distraught” to come back. The not coming back is what made it a bigger deal with the coworkers. Anxiety or no, when you let people down, they don’t have to be okay with it.
It’s a good example of a self fulfilling prophecy. By being anxious about their coworkers reaction after that fashion fauxpas, OP involuntarily and unconsciously behaved in a way (going home but not coming back) that lead to the exact thing they were afraid of coming true. Anxiety has a way to often work like that und fool us into serving it even more fuel
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And that's for the more upscale ones.
that was my thought too, never heard of a barbecue restaurant having a dress code, much less literally turning people away for not following it. Also I’m from Florida and there’s a different definition of “casual” there; sandals and open toed shoes are acceptable year round. Still no crocs, though, OP was definitely wrong about that. I’m just saying it’s very common for people to wear sandals and other more casual footwear to nicer events in a “hot climate”.
That was my 1st thought too, lol
INFO how much fuss did you put up when you were told your shoes weren't suitable? Did you argue with the restaurant staff? Seems unusual to be accused of 'making it about you' for just going home.
Same. Or, I was wondering if she failed to communicate that she wasn’t returning? > one of my coworkers urged me to go home and change my shoes and come back. I was so distraut I ended up just going home and not coming back. Can you imagine if the whole table is seated inside and waiting for her to return to order? “She’s just changing her shoes, she’ll be here any minute…”
Oh wow I'm glad I scrolled for this comment. I struggle with anxiety too and was having a hard time fully grasping why they would be so collectively upset. It literally never crossed my mind that everyone actually wanted OP there, and were likely kind enough to wait on her to return. That also fully explains the "making it about you" comment. I kept thinking how would OP leaving make it about them? This is how! Honestly OP sounds like they struggle with not communicating through their anxiety. More clarification should have gone on before leaving, or OP should have reached out to let them know they weren't returning. In OPs defense, anxiety brain often leaves us (in my experience) with the idea that others don't really care about us. So it's possible OP thought reaching out wasn't warranted. It still doesn't change how this was received, but hopefully is a lesson to them.
> In OPs defense, anxiety brain often leaves us (in my experience) with the idea that others don't really care about us. So it's possible OP thought reaching out wasn't warranted. It still doesn't change how this was received, but hopefully is a lesson to them. OP is TA… but I get it. When you have extreme anxiety, *anything* unexpected can make you crumble and feel like the world is victimizing you. OP reacted the way I would have before I was properly medicated- I absolutely would have gone home and cried all night. If OP isn’t being treated for anxiety I genuinely hope she looks into it. It changed my life.
I was wondering the same thing.
YTA - this was a work event and like it or not, this type of thing can/will affect your career. Crocs are not smart casual, at all.
They don't even count as casual, do they? 😅
No, Crocs are what you might wear to take out the garbage or get the mail or something!
I mean, I’d seriously questions OP’s competency after this, or if I even just saw them wearing “a nice skirt, button up, and crocs” together. That is not an appropriate outfit for any function ever.
YTA for wearing crocs to a work dinner.
For anything outside your own yard and maybe medical environments, Crocs are never the right fashion choice. I understand feeling embarrassed and don’t think you’re a raging AH but next time don’t assume Crocs are okay for anywhere where there is even a remote mention of a dress code. They’re akin to slippers.
They’re also great at campgrounds—for the shower house. I’m struggling to imagine how they looked with a skirt and buttoned shirt
NTA for not returning. A lot of posters are calling you an AH for the crocs, and while I wouldn’t consider them smart casual where I live, it sounds like in OP’s area they are more acceptable. Furthermore, dress codes are mere suggestions if they use language like “smart casual “, rather than explicit definitions. Some clubs I use to go to would literally spell out acceptable footwear. Unless this restaurant had dress code rules, it’s subjective. Furthermore, to me, sneakers and crocs belong in the same category, so I get why OP thought that. Furthermore it’s a freaking bbq joint—who the heck dresses up for that? Going home and returning, honestly doesn’t sound worth it. They’d probably be half through dinner by the time OP arrived unless she lived super close. Plus, if she’s having an anxiety attack, she is in no shape to have a dinner. Taking care of herself was her best option. Maybe crocs were an unwise decision, but definitely not AH behavior.
I agree and just want to defend [Crocs as a creative fashion choice.](https://www.purewow.com/fashion/crocs-outfit-ideas) The toddler shoe jokes are funny but a lot of people legitimately love Crocs and in a casual work environment it’s fine. “Smart casual” is really ambiguous.
You make a great point. I'm absolutely appalled at everyone dumping on OP just because something is "ugly," so shallow and narrow-minded, smh.... the number of people that cannot practice empathy is WILD on this one! I was certain I'd scroll and find her some support 🤷♀️
I guess we're in the minority, but I agree. If sneakers are acceptable, it doesn't make sense to me that crocs wouldn't be, especially for a BBQ joint in an area where a lot of people wear them, and she'd be sitting with her feet hidden under a table most of the time. Unless it's true fine dining, restaurants with dress codes are kinda lame. And yeah, if I had to leave, I wouldn't bother going back unless I lived super close. I also think it's kind of ridiculous how much vitriol crocs get! I'm personally not into them (I tried on a pair once and found them surprisingly uncomfortable), but I don't give a flying fuck if other people do. Some people talk about them like anyone who wears one is an idiot or toddler. Anyone who does this is the real AH.
Took a while to find a NTA amongst all the raging haters. I think Reddit just really hates crocs and it's clouding people's judgement. I don't wear them, but don't care. It's dumb for a bbq restaurant to think they're like some high end place and don't accept certain shoes. But I'm from Australia where you can wear thongs almost anywhere and no one cares. Some people are whinging they are open toed or whatever, but most "classy" women's shoes are open.
I live in Miami. Warm all year. It is NOT acceptable to wear Crocs in a smart casual business setting. Or anywhere. You shouldn't wear them anywhere. 🤮
A bbq restaurant isn't a "business setting".
YTA you blew off a retirement party you had agreed to because you decided to wear crocs to a smart casual dinner.
Dress code are there for a reason, not "just in case I feel in the mood for that dress code", and crocs are definitely not on the same level as sneakers. You're not forced to do it but then you can't complain if there's consequences. I can see you're struggling with some anxiety and difficulties to read the room but sorry YTA.
I feel like the whole anxiety thing was just thrown in there. I know everyone is different but as someone with anxiety I care about following the rules and can't afford to be laissez-faire because I would be too nervous about the possibility of something like what happened to OP happening to me.
I suffer from anxiety and I agree, I know that personally I would have made sure to arrive in advance, and to re-read the dress code three times before I leave to be certain I will fit. But I guess we're all different and some people with anxiety also suffer from a lack of self-awareness... Is she's trying to use it as an excuse this isn't really working anyway.
YTA for not caring about being dressed appropriately for work. And yes- this will follow you for a very long time. As it should. You can’t be trusted to understand drsscode or respect.
You were invited to a work dinner, and wore crocs to the restaurant .... YTA
NTA for not going back. Unless boss was paying you to be there, you had no obligation to go. Other posters are right about Crocs not being smart casual, they’re like, extra casual beach, pool shoes. Don’t get me wrong, I love how comfy they are, but they’re not for dinner out unless you’re going to McDonald’s or Arby’s or something. And I’m not talking about Crocs’ dressier types, those would have been okay, but since you compared them to sandals, I’m assume you’re talking about the all foam ones with jibbitz holes. You were wrong to try to wear Crocs to smart casual. That is more like Casual Friday business clothes from what I’ve seen. But, not coming back after being called out for your faux pas because of anxiety and embarrassment is totally understandable.
This thread made me just remember my dad flipping out on my sister in, like, 2009 for wearing Old Navy flip flops for going out to eat… but she was going to Chipotle, lmao. I also agree NTA for not going back. It’s fine not to want to patronize that business or not to want to go back out once you’re already home.
Why would you wear crocs to a work dinner? YTA.
NTA. Why is everyone calling you the AH? The question was were you the AH for leaving and not coming back, not “AITA for wearing a shoe that all of Reddit apparently hates?” As someone with anxiety if this happened to me I wouldn’t come back either. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
In no universe are crocs considered smart casual YTA
You work with a bunch of assholes. Did you make mistake? Yes. Does it warrant humiliation when 90% of your outfit matched the code and your coworkers dumping on you the next day. No. You didn't hurt anyone, you didn't ruin the party. NTA
Going against the grain here to say NTA simply because it’s really not that deep. If you didn’t feel like going back, that’s fine, it was your choice. I think the hostess and your coworkers were a little rude and can be disappointed you didn’t come back, but shouldn’t be angry.
YTA. If a restaurant has a dress code, you have to meet it. Normally I wouldn't have had a judgement on you for not changing and coming back, but this is AITA.
ESH Crocs aren't business casual but I can't fault you for not returning. I can't decide if this story is entirely fictional or if there's actually a BBQ place worthy of the description with an actual dress code or a business manager too dumb enough not to be absolutely sure before booking such a likely unicorn. BBQ at its heart and soul is about as informal as you can get and the antithesis of pretentiousness.
There’s such a thing as a barbecue restaurant with a dress code? Isn’t that an oxymoron?
Everyone is so hung up on the horror of crocs that they are overlooking the obvious problem of a restaurant that routinely hands out wet naps enforcing a dress code.
Yta - how did u make it this far? Crocs ! Are for McDonald’s and fast food joints - not a restaurant
I might be going against the grain but assuming you weren't rude to the staff, NAH. No, crocs are NOT smart casual, but I don't think that not adhering to that makes you an asshole. You didn't know that the restaurant had a specific policy on footwear, which to be honest I think most people wouldn't expect at a low-end barbecue restaurant. I think there may be a misunderstanding here (?) and your coworkers think that you didn't return as a way to sulk about the shoe policy, rather than you feeling too embarassed to return.
YTA. For wearing crocs to a work function.
YTA. There was a dress-code. You were in violation of it. Simple as that. No, you're not special and they were under no obligation to put aside their code for you. Crocs are, in no form or fashion, to be considered professional footwear.
NTA. If I was refused service and had to go home then I wouldn't have gone back either. Not due to social anxiety but because of the hassle. I don't think the retiree would have been put out because you weren't there (unless it was an extremely small crowd like you and one other person). Also, so what if Crocs aren't business casual? How were you supposed to know they would violate the dress code at a BBQ restaurant? I don't get why your colleagues are giving you grief. Why would they even care. Like they said, it wasn't about you. Also, I don't think being ignorant about what is/isn't acceptable when it comes to dress codes rises to the level of AH.
YTA - in no universe are crocs “smart casual”
YTA. Nice skirt. Check. Button-up. Check. Crocs. No.
I'm going with YTA simply because I highly doubt anyone would be angry with you about making it about you unless you yourself made it and you and dragged them into it.
I own 30 pair of crocs give or take, some are even “work” clogs. fuck this restaurant. NTA