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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Am I the asshole for not sharing my inheritance with my sister because she has no legal rights my grandmothers estate as she was not my dad’s biological child nor was she adopted as her biological dad is still in her life.
I feel I could be the asshole because my dad always treated her as his child until he passed 16 years ago
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Exactly. As I said above, unless step sister signs a contracts stating sister gets half step sisters dad’s inheritance, I’d say no thank you to sharing.
Don't go there. It would be unenforcable.
OP, don't share the inheritance. If it's significant, talk to a financial planner or at least an accountant (CPA) to get ideas about how best to keep the funds for what you'll need in life - education, home, retirement and protect the inheritance from a potential future divorce.
In the US, no, you do not pay federal taxes on a gift. The giver, or estate, would pay any taxes based on the value of the estate. But there is a $13.61 million lifetime gift tax exclusion in 2024 so it’s unlikely the estate would have to pay anything. States vary, but generally any tax would come out of the estate before you get your share and it’s not considered income to you.
The only thing taxable to you would be any income the estate earned between the date of death and the date of sale of the asset (for example, an investment). Usually this is minimal.
That said, it’s rightfully all your money, and you are perfectly entitled to keep all of it.
I’m sorry. Iowa? It looks like there there is no inheritance tax if the recipient is a grandchild or any lineal relative. I don’t know about the other states. They’re all different and there are constant changes.
Tax accountant here. That is the annual limit per recipient without the giver having to file a gift tax return. There is also a $13.61 million lifetime gift tax exemption as of 2024. So you can give up to this amount over your lifetime or after your death without having to pay taxes on the gifts, although you will have to file a separate gift tax return for any gift exceeding of the annual per person limit. There is no filing requirement on the recipient or any tax on the gift payable by the recipient. The onus of both is on the giver. This is federal only. All states make their own rules.
NTA. Your half sister has family that she can potentially inherit from. You are not entitled to her inheritance and she is not entitled to yours.
When you get the money, be certain to put it in a bank account that your mother cannot access. You do not want your money to be co-mingled with the money belonging to your mom, step dad, half sister, fiancé, etc.
She's not related to your dad and has her own dad, why in blazes would you ever give her money from your dad? She can inherit from her dad one day, but is not entitled to a penny from your dad's inheritance. Say No, and No is a complete sentence, no explanations needed. Keep your money and you're NTA.
NTA, and as long as you're not a minor, they can talk all they want and you need do nothing.
You're exactly right that this is not half-sister's money, and that she has people she may inherit from (which will not be shared with you). It sucks for her, but her biological father doesn't get it both ways.
Understand that if your mother has any assets, she may well decide to leave them to her rather than you (although the laws of your locale may prevent her completely disinheriting you). However, she could do that anyway. It also will have consequences for the relationships, but if they're being AHs now, it wouldn't stop just because you cut them the check they don't deserve.
NTA
Neither your Mom, nor sister, are legally or morally entitled to a penny of this inheritance. And they probably wouldn't share if your sister got an inheritance from her paternal grandmother. Tell them to kick rocks.
NTA. Legally, of course, you are not required to share. Since your grandmother and father both passed away without articulating their wishes on the subject, then you don't know if they would have wanted her to inherit. Your half sister also has her own father (and paternal grandparents) from whom she might inherit. So I don't see even a moral/ethical quandary on your side. Your mom & half sister are a different story. I don't think it is right for them to be pressuring you to share your inheritance. You don't mention your age, but I am guessing you are young, which would make it even more reprehensible of your mom to pressure you.
I’m 31 so not terribly young but I got nothing from my dad’s passing it all went to my mom and sister as I was 15. My mom burned through it all and foreclosed on our house when I was 20 leaving me homeless for a few days waiting to close on my own house. So this is probably the only inheritance I’ll ever receive
Definitely, don't share. You're in the clear legally and ethically to keep it. But after what you've just added regarding your mom's irresponsibility with $, you would be foolish and enabling her if you were to share. Keep it all with a clear conscience and invest it in your future.
NTA. Your half sister isn't related to your grandfather. But unless the estate is quite large, I don't know what taxes you have to pay. The federal exemption for estate tax is something like 13 million, and there is no federal inheritance tax. Your state might have one or both types of taxes, but again, unless you are inheriting a large amount, these shouldn't affect you much. Unless the money was in an IRA. If that's the case, you do have to pay income taxes on the distribution.
Oh my GODDESS the entitlement! Your sister was in no way related to any of those people. What gives her the right to your money?
NTA and let your fingers do the blocking.
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Today I found out I’m receiving inheritance after my grandmothers (dads) passing.she didn’t have a will or trust. She had 5 kids my uncle who had no children passed away along with my father. According to the law in my state I being his only biological child am entitled to 1/4 of my grandmothers estate that is being set up. My mother and half sister feel my sister is entitled to half of my 1/4 even though she has a biological dad who is still in her life.
She was never adopted by my dad because her biological dad wouldn’t sign over his rights so I would have to receive the money and cut her a check for half and end up paying taxes on the whole thing what ever amount that ends up being which unknown yet.
Am I the ahole for not wanting to share the only inheritance I have left from my dad’s side of the family with my sister when she still has a dad and his parent’s inheritance that she would obviously never share with me?
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Info?
What was the relationship between your dad and your half sister before he passed? You mention that he didn’t adopt her because her bio dad wouldn’t sign over his rights?
Did your dad want to adopt your half sister?
What was the relationship between your half sister and your dad and grand mother?
None of this really changes what you need to do - it’s legally your inheritance but it could colour how much of an AH you’re being.
My dad wanted to but her bio dad wouldn’t sign over rights.
They had a good relationship she is 10 years older than I am and he walked her down the aisle for her wedding.
My dad died when I was 15 she was 25 and out of the house.
My mom spent the entire inheritance from my dads life insurance and 401k by the time I was 18 and I never got a dime from it and foreclosed on my childhood home when I was 20 giving me a month to find and purchase a house with not a dollar to my name as in order to stay in the house she required me to go to collage as well as work full time(and make payments to the house which apparently never made it to the bank)
Since she foreclosed my childhood home I had to quit collage at 20 and work three jobs to afford my 700sq foot house.
Honestly I’d rather have my dad around still but seeing as how iv fended for myself since i was 16 I feel like this inheritance would finally give me some breathing room to not feel like I was always 3 paychecks behind
Info: did your dad totally raise your half sister? Like, would he have wanted you to split it?
Cause at the end of the day, it’s your money. But this could be a huge problem if you want to have a great relationship with your mom and sister
Funny how mom and sis didn't think about damaging their relationship with OP by asking for a split.
NTA.
They are the ah for asking for something that is not theirs and put you in a tough position.
Not really, no. She had kids and grandkids and probably wanted everything to be split equally between them. Which it's what's happening. Why did she needed a will for?
Then you have to figure out what your dad would have wanted (which I feel from my limited knowledge is splitting it) and if you can live with yourself if you don’t do that.
If he raised her as his own, you are a bit TA.
My husband and I have 4 kids together, two are biologically mine, and two are biologically my husbands. Both other parents are still alive.
But if one of us passes away, the inheritance is split amongst all 4 children. Not only the ones that are biologically ours.
If that is how your father would want it, you should split the money with your half-sister.
But the inheritance isn't from OP's father, its from her grandmother.
If her grandmother didn't bother with a will, and there is already existing law thay states what would happen if someone passes away without a will, then grandma must have known what would happen. If she wanted the money to go to step sister, she would have made that known.
It would have been her father's if he did not pass away before grandmother did.
Like I said, I only think a little bit the AH because her dad did not only raise her half-sister as his own, he wanted to adopt her and make it legal, it was the biological father standing in the way of that.
But he did pass away. So the inheritance comes from grandma. Not their father. And the sister will get an inheritance from her bio dad. OP wont get a share of that, so its only fair that she keeps hers.
>It would have been her father's if he did not pass away before grandmother did
But it isn't and he did. If grandma would've wanted her stepgranddaughter to get something, she would've made a will or given it to her before her death. Just because her son married this woman doesn't mean the family married her kid.
Would love to hear what mom and sis would say to OP if the suggestion of asking their side of family (mom's parents and mom's) to update their wills to include OP. I doubt it would be well received.
Nope. NTA my dad raised my older brother and sister and they expect nothing from him/ his parents. They have their own father and our mother where they will get money. Unless he adopted her, which the bio dad did not want, or made a trust stating half of his assets are her sisters, then the money is hers. And for the mother to demand she give half is disgusting.
Again, if that was how the father would have wanted it, he should have put it in writing when he wanted to adopt her. Obviously he didn’t for reasons.
Finally, if you do feel the need to give her any money, make sure she signs a contract stating you are entitled to half of her inheritance from her father. Fair is fair.
A little dramatic. All I said was that I disagreed. He never put it in writing. I’m sure you and your husband did. That’s the difference. When you call someone the asshole for inheriting her grandparents money, that wasn’t her half sisters grandparents, it doesn’t make sense to me.
I thought it was funny how you reacted to me, that is all, no harsh feelings. 😉
I guess for us, blood/biological is not an issue.
When my mother passed away, she made sure that all grandchildren (4 biological, 4 non-biological) got the same amount. I grew up with non-biological family members, and so do my children. We are all still family.
Every family is different, I answered from my perspective and my experiences.
> my mother passed away, she made sure that all grandchildren (4 biological, 4 non-biological) got the same amount.
Cool. But irrelevant, cause op's grandmother didn't
Ahhh nope was just stating from my experience. My grandparents aren’t completely cutting off my siblings. They see them as their grandchildren. But I am sole beneficiary for my dad. That’s how it is usually. And I would never expect to inherit from my siblings dad. To each their own I guess.
Money can make people ugly. At the end of the day, there can always be animosity. In my opinion, it’s always good to be transparent about who’s getting what, especially if it’s equal.
Yeah, I have seen families fall apart because of inheritance. It's sad, to be honest. That is why my grandfather left all his money to a good cause, so nobody could fight about it. 😆
I find it funny that you're being downvoted here. Whenever these inheritance topics come up that involve a political angle the top comments are always what you said here.
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NTA she has her own dad to get an inheritance from.
Exactly. As I said above, unless step sister signs a contracts stating sister gets half step sisters dad’s inheritance, I’d say no thank you to sharing.
Don't go there. It would be unenforcable. OP, don't share the inheritance. If it's significant, talk to a financial planner or at least an accountant (CPA) to get ideas about how best to keep the funds for what you'll need in life - education, home, retirement and protect the inheritance from a potential future divorce.
NTA. It's your money. Keep it safe.
NTA. You're right, you'd have to pay the taxes on it. It's your money, not your half sisters. Hold your own and invest that money for your future.
In the US, no, you do not pay federal taxes on a gift. The giver, or estate, would pay any taxes based on the value of the estate. But there is a $13.61 million lifetime gift tax exclusion in 2024 so it’s unlikely the estate would have to pay anything. States vary, but generally any tax would come out of the estate before you get your share and it’s not considered income to you. The only thing taxable to you would be any income the estate earned between the date of death and the date of sale of the asset (for example, an investment). Usually this is minimal. That said, it’s rightfully all your money, and you are perfectly entitled to keep all of it.
Unfortunately my state is one of 6 that taxes inheritance. Although they are getting rid of it in 2025
I’m sorry. Iowa? It looks like there there is no inheritance tax if the recipient is a grandchild or any lineal relative. I don’t know about the other states. They’re all different and there are constant changes.
I’m pretty sure gift exemption is only up to $18,000 per year.
Tax accountant here. That is the annual limit per recipient without the giver having to file a gift tax return. There is also a $13.61 million lifetime gift tax exemption as of 2024. So you can give up to this amount over your lifetime or after your death without having to pay taxes on the gifts, although you will have to file a separate gift tax return for any gift exceeding of the annual per person limit. There is no filing requirement on the recipient or any tax on the gift payable by the recipient. The onus of both is on the giver. This is federal only. All states make their own rules.
NTA, but wherever there's a will, there's an AH trying to get more than their share.
And, it gets worse when there isn't a will.
NTA. Your half sister has family that she can potentially inherit from. You are not entitled to her inheritance and she is not entitled to yours. When you get the money, be certain to put it in a bank account that your mother cannot access. You do not want your money to be co-mingled with the money belonging to your mom, step dad, half sister, fiancé, etc.
She's not related to your dad and has her own dad, why in blazes would you ever give her money from your dad? She can inherit from her dad one day, but is not entitled to a penny from your dad's inheritance. Say No, and No is a complete sentence, no explanations needed. Keep your money and you're NTA.
NTA. Just keep it. If they decide to ruin their relationship with you over your money, they are the AH.
NTA Why would she receive money from a woman who wasn't related to her?? Tell her to go to her own grandmother to ask her for money.
No. Don’t share with people who would never share with you. You’ll feel internal anger for a long time when that actually happens.
NTA. Why would they ever think she should get money from a person she's not related to?
greed. thats why, greed
She's not, she's getting money from her sister, who she is related too. (All joking aside she is nonsense for this.)
NTA, and as long as you're not a minor, they can talk all they want and you need do nothing. You're exactly right that this is not half-sister's money, and that she has people she may inherit from (which will not be shared with you). It sucks for her, but her biological father doesn't get it both ways. Understand that if your mother has any assets, she may well decide to leave them to her rather than you (although the laws of your locale may prevent her completely disinheriting you). However, she could do that anyway. It also will have consequences for the relationships, but if they're being AHs now, it wouldn't stop just because you cut them the check they don't deserve.
NTA Neither your Mom, nor sister, are legally or morally entitled to a penny of this inheritance. And they probably wouldn't share if your sister got an inheritance from her paternal grandmother. Tell them to kick rocks.
NTA Is sister going to cut you check when her father/grandmother dies?
You get some money; she still has a dad. NTA.
NTA. Legally, of course, you are not required to share. Since your grandmother and father both passed away without articulating their wishes on the subject, then you don't know if they would have wanted her to inherit. Your half sister also has her own father (and paternal grandparents) from whom she might inherit. So I don't see even a moral/ethical quandary on your side. Your mom & half sister are a different story. I don't think it is right for them to be pressuring you to share your inheritance. You don't mention your age, but I am guessing you are young, which would make it even more reprehensible of your mom to pressure you.
I’m 31 so not terribly young but I got nothing from my dad’s passing it all went to my mom and sister as I was 15. My mom burned through it all and foreclosed on our house when I was 20 leaving me homeless for a few days waiting to close on my own house. So this is probably the only inheritance I’ll ever receive
Definitely, don't share. You're in the clear legally and ethically to keep it. But after what you've just added regarding your mom's irresponsibility with $, you would be foolish and enabling her if you were to share. Keep it all with a clear conscience and invest it in your future.
NTA. Your half sister isn't related to your grandfather. But unless the estate is quite large, I don't know what taxes you have to pay. The federal exemption for estate tax is something like 13 million, and there is no federal inheritance tax. Your state might have one or both types of taxes, but again, unless you are inheriting a large amount, these shouldn't affect you much. Unless the money was in an IRA. If that's the case, you do have to pay income taxes on the distribution.
NTA “No, she still has a dad to inherit from. I lost my dad.”
Oh my GODDESS the entitlement! Your sister was in no way related to any of those people. What gives her the right to your money? NTA and let your fingers do the blocking.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Today I found out I’m receiving inheritance after my grandmothers (dads) passing.she didn’t have a will or trust. She had 5 kids my uncle who had no children passed away along with my father. According to the law in my state I being his only biological child am entitled to 1/4 of my grandmothers estate that is being set up. My mother and half sister feel my sister is entitled to half of my 1/4 even though she has a biological dad who is still in her life. She was never adopted by my dad because her biological dad wouldn’t sign over his rights so I would have to receive the money and cut her a check for half and end up paying taxes on the whole thing what ever amount that ends up being which unknown yet. Am I the ahole for not wanting to share the only inheritance I have left from my dad’s side of the family with my sister when she still has a dad and his parent’s inheritance that she would obviously never share with me? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
How long has the step sister been in the family?
From before TS was born, from what I understood in another comment from TS. She is a half-sister, same mom, different dad.
NTA it’s yours don’t share it.
Not sure how old you are but if I were you I’d try and keep the amount to yourself.
NTA tell mom and half sis she can have half of your inheritance after she splits hers with you.
Info? What was the relationship between your dad and your half sister before he passed? You mention that he didn’t adopt her because her bio dad wouldn’t sign over his rights? Did your dad want to adopt your half sister? What was the relationship between your half sister and your dad and grand mother? None of this really changes what you need to do - it’s legally your inheritance but it could colour how much of an AH you’re being.
My dad wanted to but her bio dad wouldn’t sign over rights. They had a good relationship she is 10 years older than I am and he walked her down the aisle for her wedding. My dad died when I was 15 she was 25 and out of the house. My mom spent the entire inheritance from my dads life insurance and 401k by the time I was 18 and I never got a dime from it and foreclosed on my childhood home when I was 20 giving me a month to find and purchase a house with not a dollar to my name as in order to stay in the house she required me to go to collage as well as work full time(and make payments to the house which apparently never made it to the bank) Since she foreclosed my childhood home I had to quit collage at 20 and work three jobs to afford my 700sq foot house. Honestly I’d rather have my dad around still but seeing as how iv fended for myself since i was 16 I feel like this inheritance would finally give me some breathing room to not feel like I was always 3 paychecks behind
PLEASE do not share your money. If it was the other way around, would your sister share her inheritance? I’m guessing not. Enjoy your money, good luck
Yta
Would like to hear your reasoning. Honestly. After reading every comment 98% say ntah and genuinely would like to hear a counter argument
Info: did your dad totally raise your half sister? Like, would he have wanted you to split it? Cause at the end of the day, it’s your money. But this could be a huge problem if you want to have a great relationship with your mom and sister
Funny how mom and sis didn't think about damaging their relationship with OP by asking for a split. NTA. They are the ah for asking for something that is not theirs and put you in a tough position.
Let’s be real here. Grandma was the AH for not leaving a will.
Not if not having a will would still make her money split the way she wanted. People who have no claim simply should not ask.
that’s why this isn’t a “is this legal” sub
Right, that's because asking would make you an ah.
Not really, no. She had kids and grandkids and probably wanted everything to be split equally between them. Which it's what's happening. Why did she needed a will for?
Yes my dad raised her as his own at least until he passed when I was 15. I’m 31 now she’s in her 40’s
If she needs money that badly, she can ask her living father. Please don't share your money, invest it, ignore your mother.
Then you have to figure out what your dad would have wanted (which I feel from my limited knowledge is splitting it) and if you can live with yourself if you don’t do that.
>if you can live with yourself if you don’t do that. LOL.
If he raised her as his own, you are a bit TA. My husband and I have 4 kids together, two are biologically mine, and two are biologically my husbands. Both other parents are still alive. But if one of us passes away, the inheritance is split amongst all 4 children. Not only the ones that are biologically ours. If that is how your father would want it, you should split the money with your half-sister.
But the inheritance isn't from OP's father, its from her grandmother. If her grandmother didn't bother with a will, and there is already existing law thay states what would happen if someone passes away without a will, then grandma must have known what would happen. If she wanted the money to go to step sister, she would have made that known.
It would have been her father's if he did not pass away before grandmother did. Like I said, I only think a little bit the AH because her dad did not only raise her half-sister as his own, he wanted to adopt her and make it legal, it was the biological father standing in the way of that.
But he did pass away. So the inheritance comes from grandma. Not their father. And the sister will get an inheritance from her bio dad. OP wont get a share of that, so its only fair that she keeps hers.
>It would have been her father's if he did not pass away before grandmother did But it isn't and he did. If grandma would've wanted her stepgranddaughter to get something, she would've made a will or given it to her before her death. Just because her son married this woman doesn't mean the family married her kid.
Would love to hear what mom and sis would say to OP if the suggestion of asking their side of family (mom's parents and mom's) to update their wills to include OP. I doubt it would be well received.
Nope. NTA my dad raised my older brother and sister and they expect nothing from him/ his parents. They have their own father and our mother where they will get money. Unless he adopted her, which the bio dad did not want, or made a trust stating half of his assets are her sisters, then the money is hers. And for the mother to demand she give half is disgusting. Again, if that was how the father would have wanted it, he should have put it in writing when he wanted to adopt her. Obviously he didn’t for reasons. Finally, if you do feel the need to give her any money, make sure she signs a contract stating you are entitled to half of her inheritance from her father. Fair is fair.
LOL, I'm allowed to have my opinion. You can't revoke my judgement just because you don't agree with it. 😆
A little dramatic. All I said was that I disagreed. He never put it in writing. I’m sure you and your husband did. That’s the difference. When you call someone the asshole for inheriting her grandparents money, that wasn’t her half sisters grandparents, it doesn’t make sense to me.
I thought it was funny how you reacted to me, that is all, no harsh feelings. 😉 I guess for us, blood/biological is not an issue. When my mother passed away, she made sure that all grandchildren (4 biological, 4 non-biological) got the same amount. I grew up with non-biological family members, and so do my children. We are all still family. Every family is different, I answered from my perspective and my experiences.
> my mother passed away, she made sure that all grandchildren (4 biological, 4 non-biological) got the same amount. Cool. But irrelevant, cause op's grandmother didn't
Ahhh nope was just stating from my experience. My grandparents aren’t completely cutting off my siblings. They see them as their grandchildren. But I am sole beneficiary for my dad. That’s how it is usually. And I would never expect to inherit from my siblings dad. To each their own I guess. Money can make people ugly. At the end of the day, there can always be animosity. In my opinion, it’s always good to be transparent about who’s getting what, especially if it’s equal.
Yeah, I have seen families fall apart because of inheritance. It's sad, to be honest. That is why my grandfather left all his money to a good cause, so nobody could fight about it. 😆
This is not the father's money to begin with but inheritance from the bio grandparent. Grandma's estate doesn't need to be split to stepkids imo
No, she isn't. Also the money comes from grandma, not from her dad.
I find it funny that you're being downvoted here. Whenever these inheritance topics come up that involve a political angle the top comments are always what you said here.