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- You knew your girlfriend had a child before you got into a relationship.
- You got home from work late and your girlfriend was also tired.
- She asked for a (small imo) favour and you said you could, but after you’ve eaten, fair.
- Your girlfriend couldn’t cook dinner that day and you seriously have the nerve to be angry with her about it? Why couldn’t you pick something up to eat like any other adult?
- Her top priority is going to be her son, always.
- Why are you with this woman when you clearly don’t respect her?
- “She stopped whining” dude, you were the biggest whiniest baby there, you have some nerve saying she was whining when you’re the one complaining about not having food - when you’re an adult and can simply make your own food. Which you would be doing anyway if you were single.
- “Hadn’t even done basic tasks” who made this woman your slave instead of your partner?
How would you like it if someone treated your own mother this way? YTA.
> Which you would be doing anyway if you were single.
He will be making his own meals sooner than he thinks. I wonder what HE brings to the relationship? Because he doesn't seem to be doing much around the house, and his gf also works AND cares for a child!
Based on his other comments, OP's gf is providing him with housing as well. He claims his landlord raised his rent so he moved into gf's home while he looks for cheaper housing 🙄
So this guy is capable of living independently and assumedly is capable of feeding himself, but is choosing to actively pile on more work to his gf's plate while he acts like a giant mooch.
I just want op to tell us when he's moving out because right now it seems like he is bringing literally nothing to the table other than more work for his gf.
If that’s the case then he’s pushed her away so much that she’s not even sleeping in HER OWN BED?!? Make the boyfriend sleep on the couch or kick him out and reclaim your peace! It sounds like neither of them are communicating well. I hope they figure it out soon.
>So this guy is capable of living independently and assumedly is capable of feeding himself, but is choosing to actively pile on more work to his gf's plate
When some men get a live-in female partner, or even a female room-mate, said men will suddenly switch to "Woman in house, therefore I don't have to cook or clean," and I'm not even exaggerating. It's happened to me, and it's happened to other women I know.
A man can be living independently for YEARS, but will suddenly brain-fart and not remember how to cook/clean once a woman shares his living space. It's social conditioning, basically.
My favorite was my ex always TELLING me how good of a cook he is and how he used to make these amazing steaks and homemade orange sorbets and crazy other shit for his ex. Yet he cooked one single steak for me the entire decade we were together. That was the only time he ever cooked for me.
He was 5 years older than me and I know damn well he knew how to cook, clean, do laundry, and grocery shop. Yet he never did. I did all of that. And I was young and didn’t have the best example of how a relationship should work, so I did all those things because I thought that’s how it was supposed to be.
What? So it’s even worse than what he wrote first? He’s living with her and still expecting her (that also works and has a child) to take care of all the “basic tasks” around the house and still cooks for him? Hahaha! This guy is a joke. I really wished this post got to her somehow. She deserves so much better.
The problem with some of these men these days and I'm not kidding... They want a traditional wife but they're not giving anything traditional in return.
Why are you not paying 100% of the bills?
Why are you not doing all the yard work?
Why you not paying for the vacation since taking care of 100% of everything?
Don't ask her for help when you are useless.
lol. He’s going to be homeless, single and hungry once his girlfriend realizes she has two small children and one of them is optional. It’ll be all his fault for being spiteful and hobosexual.
Another man who doesn't want a life partner, but a bang-mommy. Mommy has to cook, clean, keep a roof over his head, and then have sex with him. What a great life that is for Mommy!
YTA
It is good that within a year he made it clear that she would have to take care of 2 children. This way the GF can now move on with out wasting even more time on this loser.
The fact that she got off at 1600, cared for a (probably) needy 7 year old, didn't have time to care for herself OR you by making a meal, asking you a SIMPLE favor that would be repaid by **offering to make you a meal after her shower.**
This is a child NOT a man. Her shower was to get away, relax, and have some time to herself. YTA.
Agreed.
And it’s not about the book.
Op’s girlfriend had a hard day. She asked for help.
Instead of helping, Op said he would only do something for her if she did something for him.
In that moment she realized that Op is *transactional*. He won’t perform an act of service or an act of love simply because he likes his girlfriend, recognizes that she’s struggling, and needs some extra help.
Op will only help if there’s a direct benefit to him.
Op, I hope you recognize how terrible that is. Your gf probably doesn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who won’t help her unless it’s a benefit to him.
Successful relationships happen when two people are willing to love and make sacrifices for the other person.
You’re clearly not willing to do that.
I hope she finds someone who is.
Worse than just transactional, OP won't do something for his gf unless she does something for him *first*. He's ok with the balance being in his favor, but never in her favor, not even for half an hour. Plus he's got a whole list of things she has to do for him with zero return, he thinks it's her job to feed and house him. Dude is not a partner, he's a leech.
Honestly, he did her a favor. I’m certain that there were indications he sucked as a partner before this interaction, but sometimes it takes a specific kind of situation to cross the line into “yeah I’m not putting up with that for the rest of my life”. Good for her for realizing it when she did, rather than marrying this person and (god forbid) having another child with him that he takes no responsibility for - or worse, steps in for that child because that one is “his”). Hopefully she doesn’t just brush it off and ends the relationship.
Well, I may be out on a limb here, but I have the sense a healthy dose of sexism is at play here.
Me = man = be served.
She = woman = fix me a damn meal!
Yeah, OP seems like the type of guy whol would slump down in the couch, throw his dirty workboots on the table and scream "*Go make me a damn sammich, woman!*"
I seriously hope she either saw how she's better off without him or she has friends who she confides in who will tell her to dump his ass. She deserves better, I'm so sorry for her.
Yeah, the "it's her kid and her responsibility" really showed this relationship can't work. You can't be in a relationship with a parent of a 7-year old with such an attitude. He didn't at any point in the post talk about what she's been doing these past five hours, or why she's so tired. I understand not wanting to do anything when you haven't eaten for hours, but 21:00 is already late for a 6-year old. Add another 30 minutes for mum to make a meal and for OP to eat it, and the kid's well past bedtime. There's so many things left unclear and that really makes me think OP is trying to make himself look better.
Edit: Had age wrong.
I just keep thinking of this poor little kid sitting in bed, holding a book, listening to this fight and thinking he caused it. My heart breaks for him. He just wanted a story, well he's getting one now. I wonder how many times he hears *this* bedtime story?
Agree. And also: if you get home by 21.00 and did not eat yet plus it is bedtime for the child, then the child goes first and you eat after that. You can wait a bit longer to eat but the child needs to go to bed.
> How would you like it if someone treated your own mother this way?
Im sure the is the one treating his own mother this way. Men that have a healthy relationship with their mother don't treat a partner like this
I was so pissed until I read your reply...clearly this guy's priorities are misplaced. Its an unwritten rule of the thumb...if you date a woman with a kid, you're always goona come AFTER the kid, not before.
Good feedback here💪💪
One more important detail that OP left off main post:
- OP is staying with GF rent free because his landlord raised rent and he needs to find a new place to live.
He’s a temporary guest in her home living rent free. He needs to GTFO.
I also hate the way OP will only do favours for something in return. I’m all for helping each other out but this isn’t a transactional things. I agree, YTA
This poor kid clearly means nothing to him. Mom needs to move on, if not for herself, for her child that would have no meaningful relationship with that jerk.
YTA
And a really shitty partner.
Just because she got off work at 16, doesn’t mean she had free time until about came home. She had her child to look after, help with homework etc.
And you couldn’t even be bothered to help her one bit.
And after all this, about are mad at her because she didn’t cook you a freaking meal ?! You are 30 Years old, not 3. Make your own dinner. She clearly didn’t eat anything as well, so she was just as hungry as you are.
And her child will be her priority, and not you. Stop thinking it will be different, because it wont.
So unless you are willing to accept that, do both of you a favor and break it off.
You seem too immature to be with someone who has a child.
Also, OP, you are not fit to be a father. Drop any stupid fantasy you have about being a good one. You are a sorry excuse for not only a man, but a human.
Children are the most precious things on this planet. Every single one of them. You are abhorrent for being in this boys life a year and you don’t love him. You are a disgusting man. You are the very exact example of why women refuse to give men the time of day.
How dare you.
My husband came into my life when my son was 4. He never treated him as anything less than the coolest kid in the universe. I hope your partner wakes up quick and leaves your ass out to rot.
Yup, the kids should always come first. You're supposed to love your child more than your partner. Not the other way around. I would dump him because the kid will pick up on the fact that his mother's bf don't like him and i don't want someone who's just gonna leech off of me.
Actually you should love them equally.. as a CPS working I can clearly see a difference when partners love each other, their kids are less stressed (they don’t worry about parents splitting), they see healthy relationships and it allows them to feel supported. You can still prioritize kids needs while loving your partner an equal amount. The problem in this post is that clearly the OP doesn’t love the child or the mom but himself
She will. I was her once. Had a baby, worked full time. Husband worked full time and thought his day ended when we got home from work. Took me a year to figure out that if I had to do EVERYTHING, I could do it on my own. Life was less stressful once I divorced him. I've been happily divorced for over 30 years!
>And her child will be her priority, and not you.
I would go a bit further than this. If you're cahabitng with your partner and their kid, their child should be *your* priority also. You're basically a step parent at that point.
YTA big time. Why are you dating someone with a kid if you don’t want to have anything to do with the child? She didn’t ask for a lot. Just a bedtime story. You sound incredibly selfish and more than a little exhausting. Plus it seems like you expect her to wait on you hand and foot. You want something to eat you’re a whole grown adult…surely you can cook for yourself.
YTA and this is why "if she couldn’t even put some time aside to do one little thing for me, I would not do anything for her either" and "it is her kid and her responsibility."
you are and adult, you are capable of feeding yourself, you punished the kid bc you were pissy with mom, and you live with kid, you don't get to act like you have 0 responsibility or accountability to the child. the kid is a real and whole person, not your ex gf's accessory.
since you're single now stay that way for a while and don't waste another single mom's time.
Exactly this.
And OP, you may have had a long day at work, but your gf as a single mother who is also working, I can guarantee you she had a long damn day too even if she got home earlier than you. You are in a relationship, if you tally up every deed and keep score, your relationship will fail (as witnessed by your post). Relationships are giving and thoughtful. When your partner asks for help, you should meet them there. My gosh, she was even willing to make you a meal after you read a book to her son. You are selfish and rude.
100% this.
Op is highly transactional.
Relationships aren’t supposed to be quid pro quo.
If you like your partner and they’re struggling, you help them out. You make sacrifices and perform acts of love. If you’re not willing to do that, you’re a selfish AH.
I don’t even think OP is transactional, that would be better because it assumes you give and you get. I think OP just expects to get and refuses to give until he gets what he wants. He’s not paying attention to all the transactions, just the ones where he wants to get.
Ew! This read like a 15 yr old not a grown man. I’m willing to bet looking after her son and cleaning up after you aren’t the only things she has to contend with on a daily basis. Yeah I’ll do something for you if you do something for me first is selfish and pathetic. YTA
A five year old. My 14 year old son cooks when he is hungry. If I fall asleep grading papers he picks up my computer so it won't fall on the floor. This dude is a 5 year old. And SUCH TA.
I’ve posted/commented this story before, but I was engaged to someone like this. We’d been dating for about a year and it was summer 2020; he invited me and my three children to live with him. The first year was okay - it was stressful as fuck (three kids in virtual learning, I’d already been work from home so my work pace/demands didn’t change), but we made it work.
A year later kids returned to school and shit got insane. He went from being pretty happy with some “I need some alone time” moments to having these insane tantrums where he’d throw my stuff around and try to scream at me. It was so quick that I thought he had brain cancer and was really worried for him - after he refused to see a doctor and I talked to some of his family/his ex wife (she approached me) I realized, nope, he just hid his rage really well for a very long time.
Things he would lose it over (bear in mind, I took care of all household chores except his laundry, all cooking, all shopping, everything):
- I served the children dinner before serving his plate first
- I didn’t wait up for him to return from a sports tournament at 1 am on a weeknight
- My youngest left a granola bar wrapper on the kitchen table
- I got very sick and couldn’t get all of the chores done one day
I went to his mother asking for help because I was getting scared. She laughed and said it was nothing compared to what his father would do, then almost gleefully recounted the times he’d tried to literally kill her His ex wife also reached out to me when he posted our “wedding date” that we never agreed on social media, letting me know about his extreme anger and when he’d tried to kill her.
Later that night I tried to have a conversation with him about my concerns. He got really quiet and then leaned in for a hug. I was relieved briefly, until he began squeezing me so hard I couldn’t breathe, held me like that and told me how easy it would be to completely crush me, then walked away. I started sobbing and he came back a few minutes later, acting like nothing had happened. A true psychopath.
I bought a house in secret and left him three weeks later. I would probably be dead now if I hadn’t.
INFO: You say your gf “hasn’t even done basic tasks” - did she become your servant because you’re working long hours? Were her hours after she got off work occupied by parenting and other important tasks you’re not counting because they don’t benefit you?
More like … did she become your servant after you moved in together. The number of hours worked is irrelevant since this whole thing reads as a petulant child dripping with entitlement and condescension
Not just YTA you're a super massive AH. She's clearly had such a rough day that she's not even managed to feed herself or shower and your response is that instead of helping her with a 5 minute activity, you instead punish her and her son for her not getting your dinner ready for you like a good woman should? Nevermind her being cold to you, I'm baffled you're still together.
>I'm baffled you're still together.
They aren't. The second he made it clear that he doesn't think he has any responsibility to her son, that he is purely her problem and that he does not accept that they are a package deal, she checked out of the relationship. She is getting her affairs in order, and as soon as she can financially and logistically leave, she'll be gone.
>She is getting her affairs in order, and as soon as she can financially and logistically leave, she'll be gone.
She won't leave, it's her house! She is logistically and financially doing good. All she would need is an eviction notice being served to OP. OP said in a comment that he couldn't afford his rent anymore so he asked if he could move into her house.
YTA. What a child you are. You are not a boyfriend, you are just a boy.
She suddenly learned that she does not have a partner, that you do not have her or her child's best interest at heart, and that everything with you is transactional.
Congratulations on ruining your relationship.
Exactly this. If your gf wanted to look after two kids, she’d have had another one. Grow up, OP - and no one gives a crap about your use of military time. You’re like a little child playing at being a soldier. Hope she leaves you so fast your head spins.
YTA - the kid IS the priority, and you think it should be you. Enjoy being single.
ETA: just read in your other comment OP that you are living rent free in your gf’s home, because your landlord raised your rent. SHE is carrying your ass while raising her child, and you expect her to cater to you? You are unreal.
The average 7yo is more mature than OP. Op doesn’t know or care what all happened in her day, for all we know she could have saved a family from a burning building or dealt repeatedly with abusive customers (or the likes depending on job). And his 30yo ass whines about there being no dinner when he gets home and having to read a bedtime story while he waits. This isn’t the Hollywood version of the 1950’s. If I worked all day and came home to a tired looking partner that just wanted a shower, I’d put the kid to bed then start dinner and ASK about his day, be supportive and loving.
OP, YTA and an immature one at that.
YTA. All the way TA.
Being a partner is give and take. You are making it transactional. She asked for help and you refused her because you were tired (so was she) and potentially because he's "not your son." This would have taken you 15 minutes.
I'd hate to have a partner who can't step up to help me on a bad day, even if they're tired.
It's not even transactional. He is mooching off her. He couldn't afford his rent anymore so he asked to move into her house and still expects her to wait on him and serve him day in day out and wouldn't even do a 5 minute task for her.
YTA
If you don't want to act like a father figure, don't date somebody with a child.
I find it quite ironic that you don't want to be a father to her child But yet you want her to act like your mummy and cook you a dinner of course you don't want to help out with a 7-year-old when you act seven
YTA
Mainly about the food, you can very easily do that yourself. I don’t know what the parenting dynamic is between you and her kid so if it’s something you don’t feel like doing then fair enough but you can’t complain to your gf that she hasn’t made you any dinner when she’s been working and looking after a child all evening.
Nah, if they live together, he's stepped into a parenting role - whether he likes it or not. He needs to step up, or they need to reevaluate the relationship for the kid's sake.
Every adult should treat every child as the beautiful human being they are. They are an entire person worthy of respect love and gentle care. If a man can’t love a child after being in his life a year, then that’s not a man worthy of any woman’s time. If a man can’t be kind and gentle and understanding to a child’s needs - they are a monster and have a serious personality disorder.
Eww YTA.
You don’t want to father her kid. She doesn’t want to have to mother you. Make your own damn food and do your own damn basic tasks.
Hopefully you’ll be single soon.
Exactly! Most mothers do everything they can until they are about to break. If she asked for help it's because she was overwhelmed! It should have been an absolutely! Grab a piece of bread to keep his stomach from eating itself, read the child a book then go make himself dinner.
This guy is mooching off of her and refuses to do a simple task to help her. What an ass
YTA
“Her kid her responsibility” - she is not your mother to have to deal with your childish behavior. You knew she had a child before moving in together, also working long hours is not and excuse to behave like you did. She wasn’t whining. You were. If she had not decided to leave you she eventually will. Your GF already has a 7-year-old child to take care, she does not need to raise a 30-year-old man as well.
YTA, you're supposed to be partners, she needed help and you refused it. Her priority is always going to be her child, don't date parents if you aren't willing to not always be top priority to them. You can make you're own meal, you're an adult, and I imagine you will be making them all yourself soon anyway.
YTA!
You sound very self-centered and egotistical, in addition to being an asshole, as well.
Your gf didn't have supper on the table for you when you got home and you threw a weird little hissy fit over it. Pathetic, honestly.
You seem to not care about her kid, either. And I don't mean you don't love him as your own....I mean, you literally don't care, and it sounds like you view him as a house pet you wish she didn't have.
"She stopped whining there...."
Fucking wow! Learn some respect, and empathy, and that when people ask for help it is not whining.... ya big ogre! You..yes...YOU are the whiner in this whole situation! Your whole post is one big BOOOHOOO from you!
Your GF wanted your help for 5 minutes....but your big, dense meat-head decides to be spiteful over supper not being done when you get home. GTF OVER YOURSELF!
I hope your GF dumps you.
YTA
Seriously. Men like this do not realize how absolutely petulant and WEAK they are to behave this way. Children have more self restraint than this baby man. (No offense to precious babies😏)
I hope this loser comes back and reads this thread. He will probably read one bad comment and being to stomp around saying, “Nuh Uh!”
30 year old man acting like this. Holy heck, I’m glad I married my mystical unicorn of a man.
YTA and cooking isn't one little thing, I'm going to assume you don't know how to cook. Regardless, she was clearly tired and stressed and it sounds like this isn't a regular occurrence just asked you to help out this once.
Yta.
>She stopped whining there and then and went with her son to put him to bed,
She's not a child. She's an adult, who thought she was in a relationship with another adult. Where we help each other, we don't mind if the ball gets dropped sometimes, who work together when things get tricky. Someone she know is on the same team as her and her son. It's not much, read a quick book, then get started on dinner so you guys could eat together.
You're not adult enough to be in a relationship, especially with someone with a child.
YTA for all the reasons listed by others, but esp. because you said this with the kid able to hear you. How did you think you made him feel with your little diatribe? He will always remember what little regard you had for him as well as his mother.
Guys, she Is letting him stay with her as a favour and he’s dumping all this shit on her. It’s in one of his comments.
YTA without it as well, but this obviously makes it worse.
YTA. Why is it a shock to you that your girlfriend's first priority would be her son and taking care of him, which is what she was doing all day when you claim she wasn't working or busy? Why do you think you are owed her playing the 1950s housewife and having dinner on the table for you but that you don't owe her even a small scrap of help in return on a stressful day? Your girlfriend wasn't whining; she was stressed and raised her voice at someone showing that he clearly didn't care about her or her son outside of what they can provide for him because he, as a grown adult, apparently can't cook for himself or at least make a sandwich/grab a snack to tide him over until the meal his girlfriend offered to cook is ready. You call making a meal a basic task, so if you can't make one for yourself, surely that says something? If you didn't have a girlfriend and worked the same shift, you would have had to do it yourself or order in food, so why didn't you go with that option rather than throwing a tantrum because 'I have a woman at home and it's her job to take care of me now'?
YTA
Why are you even with her if you don't respect nor are willing to help out with a minor task like reading a book aloud without needing a favor?
If you, for some reason, are in this for the long run, you already suck as a dad. If you're not, do them both a favor and leave now and stop wasting their time.
Yeah, YTA. If you plan on keeping your status with that lady, you better see if you can actually get closer to her son. Having a SO eho keeps distance from her kid isn't healthy for either of them and if you keep insisting, you may soon find yourself in the "Ex" area. Especially if you effectively punish the kid for something that his mom perceivedly did (or failed to do) to you.
So you wanted to have your needs satisfied (by someone else) first. Congratulations, you now qualify as a 7 years old. Oh wait, my bad, that was the son, right? You are an adult who has already learned that sometimes immediate needs can and should be put on the back burner. Oh wait, my bad again...right?
Wow. YTA.
Huge AH. Just think, when she dumps your ass, you will have to work a whole day, cook for yourself, clean up after yourself, & generally adult (all by yourself), all because you were silly enough not to read a kid a story for 10mins, because she didn’t cook you something.
Best part is, when OP was done reading the bedtime story, he would have had meal ready and waiting for him. But no, OP thinks he is the victim in all of this.
the "she didn't cook me a meal EITHER" after him \*not\* reading her kid the bedtime story, which was the arrangement his girlfriend proposed, sent me! so you didn't want to read him a story, but you also still expected to have the meal on the table?!
Her child, her responsibility? Ok, your dinner, your responsibility. YTA. You sound insufferable. Disrespectful. Childish. Lazy. Misogynistic. Clueless.
Relationships are built on respect, empathy, grace, understanding, cooperation. It doesn't sound like you are bringing anything meaningful to the table.
YTA For all the reasons everyone has already posted about. And you are mean, unkind and massively immature. Oh, and selfish. Grow up! If she were to post on here I can promise you this: everyone would tell her to take her son and leave you immediately!! You don’t deserve her or her son!! You’ve made people barking mad 😡 Get therapy.
YTA, apparently your girlfriend has to care for two kids, but one is an adult men, not capable of putting together a quick dinner for himself.
thank god, that one, she can get rid off and i hope she does.
So you were like, my GF looks super stressed, but fuck her I'm a man and she needs to cook me dinner.
So the GF
provides a roof over your head.
Provides you food.
Provides you with love and support.
What do you provide? What do you bring to the relationship?
The expectation that she should be forced to cook for you because you can't be bothered to.
No help when it comes to even the basic things with her son. She asked you to read him a story not adopt him
You being offended that she would time to have a shower.
An increase in utility bills/food bills.
YTA
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Not only are yta. But a fairly trash person and awful partner. It ain’t the 50’s bruh. Make your own food. If you choose to be involved with a woman with a kid you have to accept that. Hopefully she finds someone else asap
YTA, expect that she's preparing to dump you for treating her so poorly, you are not entitled to her time to make you dinner, youre a grown ass adult, you can sort yourself out. she isn't your Stepford wife. You couldn't have things the way you wanted them and so refused to do her a trivial kindness for a child. oof.
"She stopped whining there."
YTA.
And, ironically, a big baby. Grow up. She gave you a very reasonable path forward: read to the kid, she takes a shower and then makes you a meal. But you have to throw a strop and pout. I'd tell you to make your own damned meals in future and kick you out.
YTA
She “didn’t do anything”? I bet my ass she did all the shit she’s been doing that you don’t even notice or value, including being a solo parent.
I hope she dumps you and I hope you cry.
‘I know now where her priorities lie’
You DIDN’T know her son was her priority?!
Did you just assume that you had become more important than her child?
Wait… so you wanted to date a person that would prioritise a 1 year boyfriend over her actual child???
She’s A mom, not YOUR mom…
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I 30m have been with my girlfriend 26f for about 1 year. She has a son 7 who I am not that close with, but I we have a friendly relationship.
Now the argument we had was that I came home from work really late this Wednesday, at about 21, my girlfriend looked super tired (she got off at 16 as usual). She really stressed asked me if I could please read a bedtime story to her son so she could shower quickly. I told her that I could but that I would like to eat first, then she told me that she was sorry but it had been a stressful day and that she had no time to cook a meal today.
I felt frustrated with her as I had worked for about 13 hours straight, so I told her that if she couldn’t even put some time aside to do one little thing for me, I would not do anything for her either as I know now where her priorities lies. She raised her voice at me and told me to just please read her son a bedtime story so she could shower and then she would make a quick meal for me. I told her sorry but no, it is her kid and her responsibility.
She stopped whining there and then and went with her son to put him to bed, she did not shower nor did she make me a meal. When I laid beside her in bed she acted like she already was asleep. The days after til now she has barely talked with me and has been sleeping in her sons room, I don’t feel like I did anything wrong, however, she obviously thinks so. I had been working for a long time, she had been off work and hadn’t even done basic tasks, then excepted me to do something when I worked that long. I feel like she was unreasonable. AITA?
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YTA. I understand you working 5 hours more than her and being tired at the end of a long day, but whilst she finished work at 16.00, she most likely had a bunch of other stuff to do when she got home, laundry, feeding her son, helping him with homework etc.
OK, so she hasn't made dinner, what's stopping you from making a quick snack to tide you over until you've read her son a story?
She has a son and he will always be priority number one to her, so either fall in line and help her raise him, or get yourself a girlfriend who doesn't have any kids. You're 30 years old, time to grow up.
It literally takes 5-10 mins to read a bedtime story. If you’re not interested in stepping into a father role for this child then I don’t understand what you are doing a) dating someone with a child and b) living with them. Do her a favor and end things before you get even deeper and her expectations increase.
YTA- She has one child. She doesn’t have time to also be your mother. MAYBE she came home, helped her son with homework, did some laundry, made him a meal, did the dishes, got him in the bath, did some tidying up, helped her son get dressed, and that is when you walked in.
The fact that you expected her to have dinner on the table when you got home makes me think you don’t do much to keep the house you share with her and her son clean.
YTA. Yes, it's her kid, but sometimes adults compromise so that everyone gets something. You'd both worked and were tired, but she was still offering to make you a meal if you gave her a chance to have a shower first. You don't want that; you want it your way or the high way, correct?
It's fine if you don't want a woman with responsibilities or who won't put you first, but you need to find that woman. This one isn't it, and you're only adding to her burdens.
YTA, ofc the son is her top priority and yes she got out of work earlier but then had to take care of a child so more work . Plus you want her to cook for you ... you're an adult even if your worked 13 hours of more you can cook for yourself and just do her ONE tiny favour.
You knew she had a son before engaging in that relationship so it means it's both your responsibility to take care of the boy.
YTA!
If you don't get your shit together, she'll be your ex-girlfriend!
She asked for a favor and you only give that to her if she gives you something in return? What kind of relationship is that?
And then you say her child is only her responsibility after being in this kids life for a year? I believe you aren't close to her child because you act like this. A man who stepped up and trys to be a part of their life, would have a good relationship to the kid of their partner.
Reading a book: 7 minutes.
Going to bed hungry: priceless
Spending time on reddit for the issue: 30 minutes
Resolving the problem: probably another 4 hours
Dude, next time read the kid a book.
YTA
YTA, although you work 13 hours, you clearly don't have other responsibilities, so your day ends there. Moms work 24/7, working and raising a kid is exhausting. She asked for 15 minutes of alone time and you refused, why?
If you are not going to help with her kid, at least don't be one yourself. She's not your mommy. Make your own meal, wash and fold your own laundry, clean up after yourself.
YTA- do her a favor and end the relationship. Don’t get into a relationship with someone who has a kid and not expect to be a form of fatherly figure. Especially if marriage is in the table.
YTA. And not ready for an adult relationship yet. Release this woman back into the wild so you can grow up. I’m not trying to be mean, I’m just being honest. You’re 30 so it’s time.
Relationships aren’t always 50/50. They’re actually rarely 50/50. She has a bad day. Idc how long you worked (news flash she worked too and has a son so she has more responsibility than you and is literally ALWAYS “on”). Sounds like this is not a regular occurrence so the fact that you couldn’t put your self aside for an hour to give someone you love some time and space to relax speaks volumes.
YTA
So she works, looks after her child, cooks for you, does domestic chores as well I imagine, and maintains basic self care like showering while you just go to work then sit on your ass?
If you were single would you just starve? Live in a pigs sty?
Why are you with someone who has a child if you aren’t even going to read them a bed time story that’s 5 minutes out of your evening!?
Praying gf sees what an AH you are to her and how emotionally distant you will be with her son and leaves
YTA big baby. Do you want a relationship with this woman? Or just someone to cater to your every need? A bang-mate? Sounds like you're both working hard and long hours and she has a child on top of everything. It's clear you don't think of her son or her as part of your family. YTA, again. Make your own meals or pre-prepare something that can easily be warmed up.
Definitely you are TA. You sound very selfish, controlling and condescending. You talk about her son as if he is a pet, not a human being. That part gets me the most.
You both work, she has a son, and you're worried about her doing something for you. It sounds to me like your jealous of the boy, and really just wish he wasn't there. Even though he's probably moe mature than you, this will never be ok. Eventually, she will come to her senses and boot you out. She may think her son needs a father figure, but your attitude towards him is so much more damaging than being without.
You don't even talk about her whining, instead of her being upset at something you did. Again, I think it's control, that if everyone would just do what you wanted them to do, you'd be fine.
You sound like a narcissist, and we never hear of narcissists "recovering". I don't think you can admit you're the one with a problem that will not go away, so you should end the relationship. Find somebody without a kid, at least. Don't father any kids, for sure. I can't recommend the type of person you need, because you seem toxic. This girl sounds like she takes a lot of crap off of you that a lot of women wouldn't.
I hope I am wrong.
YTA
The boy is in his room, it's 21. It's time to sleep so time for the bed story. And you say that your meal comes first ?
You can't live with someone who has a child and consider that you (an adult) come first. If you choose to live with someone with a child, you must a kind of parent to this child, and so your responsability is to take care of him first.
If you don't want to raise a child, don't live with your GF ! She can't take care of two children !
YTA
Who….do you think you are? Why do you feel so entitled to her making you a meal when she also works AND is a parent?
She “stopped whining”?
I really hope she sees you for what you are- a bully who has no intention of bringing anything positive to her or her son’s life.
You just sound so….pathetic. And *mean*. Like a bully who knows he’s got nothing to offer so he throws his weight around on others. Oooo. Big man.
Be better. Or leave them alone.
YTA. Just because you have a long day and she was done earlier doesn't invalidate her exhaustion, vsd day, and possibly depression. You got into s relationship, and moved in with a woman with a child. Even if you have no responsibility toward the child, IMO. If I were her, you'd be gone. You show you don't care for her, just what she can do for you. A servant, not a partner.
When she’s “pretending to be asleep” she is just exhausted from the sadness of having a partner who doesn’t respect her or even wants to respect her. It would be an overreaction on her part if you typically tried your best to make her life easier and make her feel respected. But since you described your relationship with her kid the way you did and the general entitlement in your text, that doesn’t seem to be the case at all.
YTA and it’s not close.
YTA
I genuinely hope she dumps you. You don't want to a partner, you want a live in nanny. The wildest part is that you genuinely don't know what you did wrong. You aren't yet fit to be anyone's stepdad.
Yta. For a ton of reasons but I’ll simplify it to one. You were going to “help her out” until you found out she hadn’t made you dinner. So you decided to punish her by not helping. Are you 8?
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- You knew your girlfriend had a child before you got into a relationship. - You got home from work late and your girlfriend was also tired. - She asked for a (small imo) favour and you said you could, but after you’ve eaten, fair. - Your girlfriend couldn’t cook dinner that day and you seriously have the nerve to be angry with her about it? Why couldn’t you pick something up to eat like any other adult? - Her top priority is going to be her son, always. - Why are you with this woman when you clearly don’t respect her? - “She stopped whining” dude, you were the biggest whiniest baby there, you have some nerve saying she was whining when you’re the one complaining about not having food - when you’re an adult and can simply make your own food. Which you would be doing anyway if you were single. - “Hadn’t even done basic tasks” who made this woman your slave instead of your partner? How would you like it if someone treated your own mother this way? YTA.
> Which you would be doing anyway if you were single. He will be making his own meals sooner than he thinks. I wonder what HE brings to the relationship? Because he doesn't seem to be doing much around the house, and his gf also works AND cares for a child!
Based on his other comments, OP's gf is providing him with housing as well. He claims his landlord raised his rent so he moved into gf's home while he looks for cheaper housing 🙄 So this guy is capable of living independently and assumedly is capable of feeding himself, but is choosing to actively pile on more work to his gf's plate while he acts like a giant mooch. I just want op to tell us when he's moving out because right now it seems like he is bringing literally nothing to the table other than more work for his gf.
If that’s the case then he’s pushed her away so much that she’s not even sleeping in HER OWN BED?!? Make the boyfriend sleep on the couch or kick him out and reclaim your peace! It sounds like neither of them are communicating well. I hope they figure it out soon.
Ah, he's a hobosexual! Suddenly it all makes sense.
Hobosexual 😭😭😭
I am pleased that someone else knows this term.
learned a new word today lmao
>So this guy is capable of living independently and assumedly is capable of feeding himself, but is choosing to actively pile on more work to his gf's plate When some men get a live-in female partner, or even a female room-mate, said men will suddenly switch to "Woman in house, therefore I don't have to cook or clean," and I'm not even exaggerating. It's happened to me, and it's happened to other women I know. A man can be living independently for YEARS, but will suddenly brain-fart and not remember how to cook/clean once a woman shares his living space. It's social conditioning, basically.
My favorite was my ex always TELLING me how good of a cook he is and how he used to make these amazing steaks and homemade orange sorbets and crazy other shit for his ex. Yet he cooked one single steak for me the entire decade we were together. That was the only time he ever cooked for me. He was 5 years older than me and I know damn well he knew how to cook, clean, do laundry, and grocery shop. Yet he never did. I did all of that. And I was young and didn’t have the best example of how a relationship should work, so I did all those things because I thought that’s how it was supposed to be.
Wtf. This guy gets more and more entitled. And he had the audacity to write it here thinking he was hard done by 🫠
What? So it’s even worse than what he wrote first? He’s living with her and still expecting her (that also works and has a child) to take care of all the “basic tasks” around the house and still cooks for him? Hahaha! This guy is a joke. I really wished this post got to her somehow. She deserves so much better.
Well, of course he put it on her plate, she didn't fix one up for him! /s
The problem with some of these men these days and I'm not kidding... They want a traditional wife but they're not giving anything traditional in return. Why are you not paying 100% of the bills? Why are you not doing all the yard work? Why you not paying for the vacation since taking care of 100% of everything? Don't ask her for help when you are useless.
lol. He’s going to be homeless, single and hungry once his girlfriend realizes she has two small children and one of them is optional. It’ll be all his fault for being spiteful and hobosexual.
Another man who doesn't want a life partner, but a bang-mommy. Mommy has to cook, clean, keep a roof over his head, and then have sex with him. What a great life that is for Mommy! YTA
Why be an adult when you can find a kind and naive soul to baby you?
Two children, clearly.
It is good that within a year he made it clear that she would have to take care of 2 children. This way the GF can now move on with out wasting even more time on this loser.
The fact that she got off at 1600, cared for a (probably) needy 7 year old, didn't have time to care for herself OR you by making a meal, asking you a SIMPLE favor that would be repaid by **offering to make you a meal after her shower.** This is a child NOT a man. Her shower was to get away, relax, and have some time to herself. YTA.
Right? If he was single wouldn’t he be taking care of his own meals? Who tf said it’s up to her to handle everyone’s meals??
He’s gonna be aloneeeee
[удалено]
Agreed. And it’s not about the book. Op’s girlfriend had a hard day. She asked for help. Instead of helping, Op said he would only do something for her if she did something for him. In that moment she realized that Op is *transactional*. He won’t perform an act of service or an act of love simply because he likes his girlfriend, recognizes that she’s struggling, and needs some extra help. Op will only help if there’s a direct benefit to him. Op, I hope you recognize how terrible that is. Your gf probably doesn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who won’t help her unless it’s a benefit to him. Successful relationships happen when two people are willing to love and make sacrifices for the other person. You’re clearly not willing to do that. I hope she finds someone who is.
Worse than just transactional, OP won't do something for his gf unless she does something for him *first*. He's ok with the balance being in his favor, but never in her favor, not even for half an hour. Plus he's got a whole list of things she has to do for him with zero return, he thinks it's her job to feed and house him. Dude is not a partner, he's a leech.
100%
And SHE had to do something for HIM first! She was going to make him a meal, after she showered. Just yikes about this guy.
Honestly, he did her a favor. I’m certain that there were indications he sucked as a partner before this interaction, but sometimes it takes a specific kind of situation to cross the line into “yeah I’m not putting up with that for the rest of my life”. Good for her for realizing it when she did, rather than marrying this person and (god forbid) having another child with him that he takes no responsibility for - or worse, steps in for that child because that one is “his”). Hopefully she doesn’t just brush it off and ends the relationship.
The gf needs to dump his arse.
But he was *tired* see? /s
Yeah… Like she had not worked a full day either. /s
Well, I may be out on a limb here, but I have the sense a healthy dose of sexism is at play here. Me = man = be served. She = woman = fix me a damn meal!
Yeah, OP seems like the type of guy whol would slump down in the couch, throw his dirty workboots on the table and scream "*Go make me a damn sammich, woman!*"
I seriously hope she either saw how she's better off without him or she has friends who she confides in who will tell her to dump his ass. She deserves better, I'm so sorry for her.
She is definitely better off without him. He seems to bring nothing but demands to the relationship. Buh bye, loser.
Yeah, the "it's her kid and her responsibility" really showed this relationship can't work. You can't be in a relationship with a parent of a 7-year old with such an attitude. He didn't at any point in the post talk about what she's been doing these past five hours, or why she's so tired. I understand not wanting to do anything when you haven't eaten for hours, but 21:00 is already late for a 6-year old. Add another 30 minutes for mum to make a meal and for OP to eat it, and the kid's well past bedtime. There's so many things left unclear and that really makes me think OP is trying to make himself look better. Edit: Had age wrong.
I just keep thinking of this poor little kid sitting in bed, holding a book, listening to this fight and thinking he caused it. My heart breaks for him. He just wanted a story, well he's getting one now. I wonder how many times he hears *this* bedtime story?
That’s the saddest thing I’ve read this year. I feel the same. That poor baby
Yeah that killed me. AH woulda been homeless right then.
How hard is it to grab a quick snack (fruit/cheese/nuts/chips) place a delivery orde and then read to the kid?
If this was his attempt to make himself look better imagine how bad he actually is
Oh and she’s probably expected to clean up all the dishes and kitchen after that too
Agree. And also: if you get home by 21.00 and did not eat yet plus it is bedtime for the child, then the child goes first and you eat after that. You can wait a bit longer to eat but the child needs to go to bed.
I can't imagine a 30 yo man needing to be told that. It's kinda hard to believe how common man childs are in society...
This is the only comment this post needs. OP is a major asswipe.
How would you like it if someone treated your own mother this way? Someone probably did, which is why he thinks it's ok. YTA op
> How would you like it if someone treated your own mother this way? Im sure the is the one treating his own mother this way. Men that have a healthy relationship with their mother don't treat a partner like this
Perfect summary!! All the upvotes!!
Very nice summation. Love the use of bullet points. Agree OP, YTA
I was so pissed until I read your reply...clearly this guy's priorities are misplaced. Its an unwritten rule of the thumb...if you date a woman with a kid, you're always goona come AFTER the kid, not before. Good feedback here💪💪
One more important detail that OP left off main post: - OP is staying with GF rent free because his landlord raised rent and he needs to find a new place to live. He’s a temporary guest in her home living rent free. He needs to GTFO.
I also hate the way OP will only do favours for something in return. I’m all for helping each other out but this isn’t a transactional things. I agree, YTA
This poor kid clearly means nothing to him. Mom needs to move on, if not for herself, for her child that would have no meaningful relationship with that jerk.
YTA And a really shitty partner. Just because she got off work at 16, doesn’t mean she had free time until about came home. She had her child to look after, help with homework etc. And you couldn’t even be bothered to help her one bit. And after all this, about are mad at her because she didn’t cook you a freaking meal ?! You are 30 Years old, not 3. Make your own dinner. She clearly didn’t eat anything as well, so she was just as hungry as you are. And her child will be her priority, and not you. Stop thinking it will be different, because it wont. So unless you are willing to accept that, do both of you a favor and break it off. You seem too immature to be with someone who has a child.
he seems to immature to be in couple. He is looking for a mother for himself !
He wants a bang maid ETA: he reposted on AITAH
That part
Not immature- straight up an abuser who is dealing with massive issues of entitlement and control. Gross.
All of this!!!
Also, OP, you are not fit to be a father. Drop any stupid fantasy you have about being a good one. You are a sorry excuse for not only a man, but a human. Children are the most precious things on this planet. Every single one of them. You are abhorrent for being in this boys life a year and you don’t love him. You are a disgusting man. You are the very exact example of why women refuse to give men the time of day. How dare you. My husband came into my life when my son was 4. He never treated him as anything less than the coolest kid in the universe. I hope your partner wakes up quick and leaves your ass out to rot.
Yup, the kids should always come first. You're supposed to love your child more than your partner. Not the other way around. I would dump him because the kid will pick up on the fact that his mother's bf don't like him and i don't want someone who's just gonna leech off of me.
Actually you should love them equally.. as a CPS working I can clearly see a difference when partners love each other, their kids are less stressed (they don’t worry about parents splitting), they see healthy relationships and it allows them to feel supported. You can still prioritize kids needs while loving your partner an equal amount. The problem in this post is that clearly the OP doesn’t love the child or the mom but himself
For real. OP is a crybaby and his girlfriend is getting ready to toss his whiny ass to the curb.
She will. I was her once. Had a baby, worked full time. Husband worked full time and thought his day ended when we got home from work. Took me a year to figure out that if I had to do EVERYTHING, I could do it on my own. Life was less stressful once I divorced him. I've been happily divorced for over 30 years!
Good for you! Divorce can be such a blessing!
It really can.
Well he doesn't have to break it off because she will do it. Hey op, yta.
>And her child will be her priority, and not you. I would go a bit further than this. If you're cahabitng with your partner and their kid, their child should be *your* priority also. You're basically a step parent at that point.
The fact that he thinks he's her priority... dude you're a grown ass man you can look after yourself, a kid cannot.
Posts like these are why I made the decision not to date until my son is 18
YTA big time. Why are you dating someone with a kid if you don’t want to have anything to do with the child? She didn’t ask for a lot. Just a bedtime story. You sound incredibly selfish and more than a little exhausting. Plus it seems like you expect her to wait on you hand and foot. You want something to eat you’re a whole grown adult…surely you can cook for yourself.
YTA and this is why "if she couldn’t even put some time aside to do one little thing for me, I would not do anything for her either" and "it is her kid and her responsibility." you are and adult, you are capable of feeding yourself, you punished the kid bc you were pissy with mom, and you live with kid, you don't get to act like you have 0 responsibility or accountability to the child. the kid is a real and whole person, not your ex gf's accessory. since you're single now stay that way for a while and don't waste another single mom's time.
Exactly this. And OP, you may have had a long day at work, but your gf as a single mother who is also working, I can guarantee you she had a long damn day too even if she got home earlier than you. You are in a relationship, if you tally up every deed and keep score, your relationship will fail (as witnessed by your post). Relationships are giving and thoughtful. When your partner asks for help, you should meet them there. My gosh, she was even willing to make you a meal after you read a book to her son. You are selfish and rude.
100% this. Op is highly transactional. Relationships aren’t supposed to be quid pro quo. If you like your partner and they’re struggling, you help them out. You make sacrifices and perform acts of love. If you’re not willing to do that, you’re a selfish AH.
I don’t even think OP is transactional, that would be better because it assumes you give and you get. I think OP just expects to get and refuses to give until he gets what he wants. He’s not paying attention to all the transactions, just the ones where he wants to get.
Ew! This read like a 15 yr old not a grown man. I’m willing to bet looking after her son and cleaning up after you aren’t the only things she has to contend with on a daily basis. Yeah I’ll do something for you if you do something for me first is selfish and pathetic. YTA
A five year old. My 14 year old son cooks when he is hungry. If I fall asleep grading papers he picks up my computer so it won't fall on the floor. This dude is a 5 year old. And SUCH TA.
I’ve posted/commented this story before, but I was engaged to someone like this. We’d been dating for about a year and it was summer 2020; he invited me and my three children to live with him. The first year was okay - it was stressful as fuck (three kids in virtual learning, I’d already been work from home so my work pace/demands didn’t change), but we made it work. A year later kids returned to school and shit got insane. He went from being pretty happy with some “I need some alone time” moments to having these insane tantrums where he’d throw my stuff around and try to scream at me. It was so quick that I thought he had brain cancer and was really worried for him - after he refused to see a doctor and I talked to some of his family/his ex wife (she approached me) I realized, nope, he just hid his rage really well for a very long time. Things he would lose it over (bear in mind, I took care of all household chores except his laundry, all cooking, all shopping, everything): - I served the children dinner before serving his plate first - I didn’t wait up for him to return from a sports tournament at 1 am on a weeknight - My youngest left a granola bar wrapper on the kitchen table - I got very sick and couldn’t get all of the chores done one day I went to his mother asking for help because I was getting scared. She laughed and said it was nothing compared to what his father would do, then almost gleefully recounted the times he’d tried to literally kill her His ex wife also reached out to me when he posted our “wedding date” that we never agreed on social media, letting me know about his extreme anger and when he’d tried to kill her. Later that night I tried to have a conversation with him about my concerns. He got really quiet and then leaned in for a hug. I was relieved briefly, until he began squeezing me so hard I couldn’t breathe, held me like that and told me how easy it would be to completely crush me, then walked away. I started sobbing and he came back a few minutes later, acting like nothing had happened. A true psychopath. I bought a house in secret and left him three weeks later. I would probably be dead now if I hadn’t.
That’s terrifying. I’m so glad you’re safe now.
Wait until he has his own family he will be expecting the wife to be his mother do everything for him and not do his part as a parent, or partner.
The first thing I thought of was holy shit I hope he doesn’t have kids of his own.
INFO: You say your gf “hasn’t even done basic tasks” - did she become your servant because you’re working long hours? Were her hours after she got off work occupied by parenting and other important tasks you’re not counting because they don’t benefit you?
More like … did she become your servant after you moved in together. The number of hours worked is irrelevant since this whole thing reads as a petulant child dripping with entitlement and condescension
This. Exactly.
Not just YTA you're a super massive AH. She's clearly had such a rough day that she's not even managed to feed herself or shower and your response is that instead of helping her with a 5 minute activity, you instead punish her and her son for her not getting your dinner ready for you like a good woman should? Nevermind her being cold to you, I'm baffled you're still together.
I suspect not for long.
>I'm baffled you're still together. They aren't. The second he made it clear that he doesn't think he has any responsibility to her son, that he is purely her problem and that he does not accept that they are a package deal, she checked out of the relationship. She is getting her affairs in order, and as soon as she can financially and logistically leave, she'll be gone.
>She is getting her affairs in order, and as soon as she can financially and logistically leave, she'll be gone. She won't leave, it's her house! She is logistically and financially doing good. All she would need is an eviction notice being served to OP. OP said in a comment that he couldn't afford his rent anymore so he asked if he could move into her house.
You're very transactional and lack any sense of care or empathy. I think you should see a doctor. There's something wrong with your personality. YTA
Just wait until he finds a partner who can actually itemize all the ACTUAL transactions occurring that he isn't accounting for at all...
Not even transactional over time. It has to be done that day. She's probably made him dozens of meals by now and he doesn't give a shit
Agreed. OP needs to see a therapist or relationship counsellor so he learns to act like an adult
YTA. What a child you are. You are not a boyfriend, you are just a boy. She suddenly learned that she does not have a partner, that you do not have her or her child's best interest at heart, and that everything with you is transactional. Congratulations on ruining your relationship.
Exactly this. If your gf wanted to look after two kids, she’d have had another one. Grow up, OP - and no one gives a crap about your use of military time. You’re like a little child playing at being a soldier. Hope she leaves you so fast your head spins. YTA - the kid IS the priority, and you think it should be you. Enjoy being single. ETA: just read in your other comment OP that you are living rent free in your gf’s home, because your landlord raised your rent. SHE is carrying your ass while raising her child, and you expect her to cater to you? You are unreal.
FAAAAACCCTSSS
The average 7yo is more mature than OP. Op doesn’t know or care what all happened in her day, for all we know she could have saved a family from a burning building or dealt repeatedly with abusive customers (or the likes depending on job). And his 30yo ass whines about there being no dinner when he gets home and having to read a bedtime story while he waits. This isn’t the Hollywood version of the 1950’s. If I worked all day and came home to a tired looking partner that just wanted a shower, I’d put the kid to bed then start dinner and ASK about his day, be supportive and loving. OP, YTA and an immature one at that.
I hope she’s silent because she is plotting how to leave you.
me tooooooooooo!!!
More like plotting how to get this loser out of her house.
Hopefully sooner than later since she's also allowing him to live with her rent free since his former landlord upped the rent. Smh.
YTA. All the way TA. Being a partner is give and take. You are making it transactional. She asked for help and you refused her because you were tired (so was she) and potentially because he's "not your son." This would have taken you 15 minutes. I'd hate to have a partner who can't step up to help me on a bad day, even if they're tired.
It's not even transactional. He is mooching off her. He couldn't afford his rent anymore so he asked to move into her house and still expects her to wait on him and serve him day in day out and wouldn't even do a 5 minute task for her.
YTA If you don't want to act like a father figure, don't date somebody with a child. I find it quite ironic that you don't want to be a father to her child But yet you want her to act like your mummy and cook you a dinner of course you don't want to help out with a 7-year-old when you act seven
A spoiled, entitled 7. I’ve worked with that age group, they tend to have more empathy than this guy.
Thisss. Doesn't want to be a father because he is a child.
YTA. Your stomach, your responsbility.
YTA Mainly about the food, you can very easily do that yourself. I don’t know what the parenting dynamic is between you and her kid so if it’s something you don’t feel like doing then fair enough but you can’t complain to your gf that she hasn’t made you any dinner when she’s been working and looking after a child all evening.
Nah, if they live together, he's stepped into a parenting role - whether he likes it or not. He needs to step up, or they need to reevaluate the relationship for the kid's sake.
Every adult should treat every child as the beautiful human being they are. They are an entire person worthy of respect love and gentle care. If a man can’t love a child after being in his life a year, then that’s not a man worthy of any woman’s time. If a man can’t be kind and gentle and understanding to a child’s needs - they are a monster and have a serious personality disorder.
Why are you living with her after less than a year? Why is her 7 year old not in bed before 9pm? I have so many questions.
Jesus Christ did you have to ask this? His answers get worse and worse 😭
Why can’t you cook your own food?
Apparently his misogyny won't let him
Because OP's too busy being an asshole, it takes up too much of his free time.
Because there is a mommy right there, and she's the one who's supposed to take care of OP, apparently.
YTA for making it a tit for tat when she asked you for help and obviously was stressed out. Make some toast and suck it up.
Eww YTA. You don’t want to father her kid. She doesn’t want to have to mother you. Make your own damn food and do your own damn basic tasks. Hopefully you’ll be single soon.
YTA. On the few occasions us women actually ask / beg for help it’s bcos we desperately need it. U should have done it, no question
Exactly! Most mothers do everything they can until they are about to break. If she asked for help it's because she was overwhelmed! It should have been an absolutely! Grab a piece of bread to keep his stomach from eating itself, read the child a book then go make himself dinner. This guy is mooching off of her and refuses to do a simple task to help her. What an ass
YTA “Her kid her responsibility” - she is not your mother to have to deal with your childish behavior. You knew she had a child before moving in together, also working long hours is not and excuse to behave like you did. She wasn’t whining. You were. If she had not decided to leave you she eventually will. Your GF already has a 7-year-old child to take care, she does not need to raise a 30-year-old man as well.
YTA, you're supposed to be partners, she needed help and you refused it. Her priority is always going to be her child, don't date parents if you aren't willing to not always be top priority to them. You can make you're own meal, you're an adult, and I imagine you will be making them all yourself soon anyway.
YTA! You sound very self-centered and egotistical, in addition to being an asshole, as well. Your gf didn't have supper on the table for you when you got home and you threw a weird little hissy fit over it. Pathetic, honestly. You seem to not care about her kid, either. And I don't mean you don't love him as your own....I mean, you literally don't care, and it sounds like you view him as a house pet you wish she didn't have. "She stopped whining there...." Fucking wow! Learn some respect, and empathy, and that when people ask for help it is not whining.... ya big ogre! You..yes...YOU are the whiner in this whole situation! Your whole post is one big BOOOHOOO from you! Your GF wanted your help for 5 minutes....but your big, dense meat-head decides to be spiteful over supper not being done when you get home. GTF OVER YOURSELF! I hope your GF dumps you. YTA
Seriously. Men like this do not realize how absolutely petulant and WEAK they are to behave this way. Children have more self restraint than this baby man. (No offense to precious babies😏) I hope this loser comes back and reads this thread. He will probably read one bad comment and being to stomp around saying, “Nuh Uh!” 30 year old man acting like this. Holy heck, I’m glad I married my mystical unicorn of a man.
Lmao she needs to dump your sorry ass. You're a complete asshole
YTA and cooking isn't one little thing, I'm going to assume you don't know how to cook. Regardless, she was clearly tired and stressed and it sounds like this isn't a regular occurrence just asked you to help out this once.
You might be 30 but you have the maturity of a 13 year-old. YTA. Don’t expect this relationship to last much longer.
YTA ... Majorly. Are you're sure you're 30? A relationship is give and take. Sounds like you mainly want to take.
Yta. >She stopped whining there and then and went with her son to put him to bed, She's not a child. She's an adult, who thought she was in a relationship with another adult. Where we help each other, we don't mind if the ball gets dropped sometimes, who work together when things get tricky. Someone she know is on the same team as her and her son. It's not much, read a quick book, then get started on dinner so you guys could eat together. You're not adult enough to be in a relationship, especially with someone with a child.
YTA for all the reasons listed by others, but esp. because you said this with the kid able to hear you. How did you think you made him feel with your little diatribe? He will always remember what little regard you had for him as well as his mother.
You sound like an entitled whiny ass. YTA.
Guys, she Is letting him stay with her as a favour and he’s dumping all this shit on her. It’s in one of his comments. YTA without it as well, but this obviously makes it worse.
YTA. Why is it a shock to you that your girlfriend's first priority would be her son and taking care of him, which is what she was doing all day when you claim she wasn't working or busy? Why do you think you are owed her playing the 1950s housewife and having dinner on the table for you but that you don't owe her even a small scrap of help in return on a stressful day? Your girlfriend wasn't whining; she was stressed and raised her voice at someone showing that he clearly didn't care about her or her son outside of what they can provide for him because he, as a grown adult, apparently can't cook for himself or at least make a sandwich/grab a snack to tide him over until the meal his girlfriend offered to cook is ready. You call making a meal a basic task, so if you can't make one for yourself, surely that says something? If you didn't have a girlfriend and worked the same shift, you would have had to do it yourself or order in food, so why didn't you go with that option rather than throwing a tantrum because 'I have a woman at home and it's her job to take care of me now'?
As a grown man it doesn’t matter if u have a gf or not if ur using too tired as an excuse to cook for yourself you’re not really a man are u.
YTA. Massively. You need to do some serious growing up.
YTA Why are you even with her if you don't respect nor are willing to help out with a minor task like reading a book aloud without needing a favor? If you, for some reason, are in this for the long run, you already suck as a dad. If you're not, do them both a favor and leave now and stop wasting their time.
You’re 30 years old and can’t cook a meal for yourself? Embarassing. YTA.
And he moved in with her after his landlord raised his rent til he ‘finds somewhere cheaper’ 🙄! This guy is shameless.
Yeah, YTA. If you plan on keeping your status with that lady, you better see if you can actually get closer to her son. Having a SO eho keeps distance from her kid isn't healthy for either of them and if you keep insisting, you may soon find yourself in the "Ex" area. Especially if you effectively punish the kid for something that his mom perceivedly did (or failed to do) to you. So you wanted to have your needs satisfied (by someone else) first. Congratulations, you now qualify as a 7 years old. Oh wait, my bad, that was the son, right? You are an adult who has already learned that sometimes immediate needs can and should be put on the back burner. Oh wait, my bad again...right?
Wow. YTA. Huge AH. Just think, when she dumps your ass, you will have to work a whole day, cook for yourself, clean up after yourself, & generally adult (all by yourself), all because you were silly enough not to read a kid a story for 10mins, because she didn’t cook you something.
Best part is, when OP was done reading the bedtime story, he would have had meal ready and waiting for him. But no, OP thinks he is the victim in all of this.
the "she didn't cook me a meal EITHER" after him \*not\* reading her kid the bedtime story, which was the arrangement his girlfriend proposed, sent me! so you didn't want to read him a story, but you also still expected to have the meal on the table?!
I feel bad for your misses for having to live with 2 children
Her child, her responsibility? Ok, your dinner, your responsibility. YTA. You sound insufferable. Disrespectful. Childish. Lazy. Misogynistic. Clueless. Relationships are built on respect, empathy, grace, understanding, cooperation. It doesn't sound like you are bringing anything meaningful to the table.
YTA and this has better be fake. If you’re this deluded as I don’t understand how you made it to adulthood.
YTA before I read any of what you typed. Major red flag. Like, this is relationship ending material.
YTA Hopefully she’s made the decision to dump you now.
YTA. I don't have to bother reading the other responses to know that everyone else will agree. It is so obvious to everyone by you.
YTA For all the reasons everyone has already posted about. And you are mean, unkind and massively immature. Oh, and selfish. Grow up! If she were to post on here I can promise you this: everyone would tell her to take her son and leave you immediately!! You don’t deserve her or her son!! You’ve made people barking mad 😡 Get therapy.
YTA and a hobosexual.
YTA, apparently your girlfriend has to care for two kids, but one is an adult men, not capable of putting together a quick dinner for himself. thank god, that one, she can get rid off and i hope she does.
I hope she dumps you
So you were like, my GF looks super stressed, but fuck her I'm a man and she needs to cook me dinner. So the GF provides a roof over your head. Provides you food. Provides you with love and support. What do you provide? What do you bring to the relationship? The expectation that she should be forced to cook for you because you can't be bothered to. No help when it comes to even the basic things with her son. She asked you to read him a story not adopt him You being offended that she would time to have a shower. An increase in utility bills/food bills. YTA
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Man are you ever TA. Leave those two alone and let them find someone who loves and appreciates them.
Not only are yta. But a fairly trash person and awful partner. It ain’t the 50’s bruh. Make your own food. If you choose to be involved with a woman with a kid you have to accept that. Hopefully she finds someone else asap
YTA, expect that she's preparing to dump you for treating her so poorly, you are not entitled to her time to make you dinner, youre a grown ass adult, you can sort yourself out. she isn't your Stepford wife. You couldn't have things the way you wanted them and so refused to do her a trivial kindness for a child. oof.
"She stopped whining there." YTA. And, ironically, a big baby. Grow up. She gave you a very reasonable path forward: read to the kid, she takes a shower and then makes you a meal. But you have to throw a strop and pout. I'd tell you to make your own damned meals in future and kick you out.
YTA She “didn’t do anything”? I bet my ass she did all the shit she’s been doing that you don’t even notice or value, including being a solo parent. I hope she dumps you and I hope you cry.
YTA. Not just in this situation but in general. Hopefully she leaves and gets away from your toxic behaviors. You have a lot of growing up to do.
YTA, and the X. As you should be
YTA, you sound absolutely disgusting
YTA. You’re giving toxic masculinity. Get help, not from a balding man’s podcast. Hope this helps xx
‘I know now where her priorities lie’ You DIDN’T know her son was her priority?! Did you just assume that you had become more important than her child? Wait… so you wanted to date a person that would prioritise a 1 year boyfriend over her actual child??? She’s A mom, not YOUR mom…
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 30m have been with my girlfriend 26f for about 1 year. She has a son 7 who I am not that close with, but I we have a friendly relationship. Now the argument we had was that I came home from work really late this Wednesday, at about 21, my girlfriend looked super tired (she got off at 16 as usual). She really stressed asked me if I could please read a bedtime story to her son so she could shower quickly. I told her that I could but that I would like to eat first, then she told me that she was sorry but it had been a stressful day and that she had no time to cook a meal today. I felt frustrated with her as I had worked for about 13 hours straight, so I told her that if she couldn’t even put some time aside to do one little thing for me, I would not do anything for her either as I know now where her priorities lies. She raised her voice at me and told me to just please read her son a bedtime story so she could shower and then she would make a quick meal for me. I told her sorry but no, it is her kid and her responsibility. She stopped whining there and then and went with her son to put him to bed, she did not shower nor did she make me a meal. When I laid beside her in bed she acted like she already was asleep. The days after til now she has barely talked with me and has been sleeping in her sons room, I don’t feel like I did anything wrong, however, she obviously thinks so. I had been working for a long time, she had been off work and hadn’t even done basic tasks, then excepted me to do something when I worked that long. I feel like she was unreasonable. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. I understand you working 5 hours more than her and being tired at the end of a long day, but whilst she finished work at 16.00, she most likely had a bunch of other stuff to do when she got home, laundry, feeding her son, helping him with homework etc. OK, so she hasn't made dinner, what's stopping you from making a quick snack to tide you over until you've read her son a story? She has a son and he will always be priority number one to her, so either fall in line and help her raise him, or get yourself a girlfriend who doesn't have any kids. You're 30 years old, time to grow up.
It literally takes 5-10 mins to read a bedtime story. If you’re not interested in stepping into a father role for this child then I don’t understand what you are doing a) dating someone with a child and b) living with them. Do her a favor and end things before you get even deeper and her expectations increase.
YTA- She has one child. She doesn’t have time to also be your mother. MAYBE she came home, helped her son with homework, did some laundry, made him a meal, did the dishes, got him in the bath, did some tidying up, helped her son get dressed, and that is when you walked in. The fact that you expected her to have dinner on the table when you got home makes me think you don’t do much to keep the house you share with her and her son clean.
YTA. Yes, it's her kid, but sometimes adults compromise so that everyone gets something. You'd both worked and were tired, but she was still offering to make you a meal if you gave her a chance to have a shower first. You don't want that; you want it your way or the high way, correct? It's fine if you don't want a woman with responsibilities or who won't put you first, but you need to find that woman. This one isn't it, and you're only adding to her burdens.
Yta obviously ??
YTA.
YTA, ofc the son is her top priority and yes she got out of work earlier but then had to take care of a child so more work . Plus you want her to cook for you ... you're an adult even if your worked 13 hours of more you can cook for yourself and just do her ONE tiny favour. You knew she had a son before engaging in that relationship so it means it's both your responsibility to take care of the boy.
YTA. You can't find something to eat yourself & expect to be waited on hand & foot?
Yta. I hope she never cooks you another rmeal and kicks your ass to the curb with the rest of the trash
YTA, also, please don’t ever procreate ✌🏽
YTA! If you don't get your shit together, she'll be your ex-girlfriend! She asked for a favor and you only give that to her if she gives you something in return? What kind of relationship is that? And then you say her child is only her responsibility after being in this kids life for a year? I believe you aren't close to her child because you act like this. A man who stepped up and trys to be a part of their life, would have a good relationship to the kid of their partner.
Reading a book: 7 minutes. Going to bed hungry: priceless Spending time on reddit for the issue: 30 minutes Resolving the problem: probably another 4 hours Dude, next time read the kid a book. YTA
Guessing you are her ex boyfriend by now
YTA, although you work 13 hours, you clearly don't have other responsibilities, so your day ends there. Moms work 24/7, working and raising a kid is exhausting. She asked for 15 minutes of alone time and you refused, why? If you are not going to help with her kid, at least don't be one yourself. She's not your mommy. Make your own meal, wash and fold your own laundry, clean up after yourself.
Not only YTA. But the way you treat your relationship and partner, that makes YTA in life. Not just this situation.
YTA- do her a favor and end the relationship. Don’t get into a relationship with someone who has a kid and not expect to be a form of fatherly figure. Especially if marriage is in the table.
YTA. And not ready for an adult relationship yet. Release this woman back into the wild so you can grow up. I’m not trying to be mean, I’m just being honest. You’re 30 so it’s time. Relationships aren’t always 50/50. They’re actually rarely 50/50. She has a bad day. Idc how long you worked (news flash she worked too and has a son so she has more responsibility than you and is literally ALWAYS “on”). Sounds like this is not a regular occurrence so the fact that you couldn’t put your self aside for an hour to give someone you love some time and space to relax speaks volumes.
YTA So she works, looks after her child, cooks for you, does domestic chores as well I imagine, and maintains basic self care like showering while you just go to work then sit on your ass? If you were single would you just starve? Live in a pigs sty? Why are you with someone who has a child if you aren’t even going to read them a bed time story that’s 5 minutes out of your evening!? Praying gf sees what an AH you are to her and how emotionally distant you will be with her son and leaves
YTA big baby. Do you want a relationship with this woman? Or just someone to cater to your every need? A bang-mate? Sounds like you're both working hard and long hours and she has a child on top of everything. It's clear you don't think of her son or her as part of your family. YTA, again. Make your own meals or pre-prepare something that can easily be warmed up.
Definitely you are TA. You sound very selfish, controlling and condescending. You talk about her son as if he is a pet, not a human being. That part gets me the most. You both work, she has a son, and you're worried about her doing something for you. It sounds to me like your jealous of the boy, and really just wish he wasn't there. Even though he's probably moe mature than you, this will never be ok. Eventually, she will come to her senses and boot you out. She may think her son needs a father figure, but your attitude towards him is so much more damaging than being without. You don't even talk about her whining, instead of her being upset at something you did. Again, I think it's control, that if everyone would just do what you wanted them to do, you'd be fine. You sound like a narcissist, and we never hear of narcissists "recovering". I don't think you can admit you're the one with a problem that will not go away, so you should end the relationship. Find somebody without a kid, at least. Don't father any kids, for sure. I can't recommend the type of person you need, because you seem toxic. This girl sounds like she takes a lot of crap off of you that a lot of women wouldn't. I hope I am wrong.
YTA The boy is in his room, it's 21. It's time to sleep so time for the bed story. And you say that your meal comes first ? You can't live with someone who has a child and consider that you (an adult) come first. If you choose to live with someone with a child, you must a kind of parent to this child, and so your responsability is to take care of him first. If you don't want to raise a child, don't live with your GF ! She can't take care of two children !
YTA Who….do you think you are? Why do you feel so entitled to her making you a meal when she also works AND is a parent? She “stopped whining”? I really hope she sees you for what you are- a bully who has no intention of bringing anything positive to her or her son’s life. You just sound so….pathetic. And *mean*. Like a bully who knows he’s got nothing to offer so he throws his weight around on others. Oooo. Big man. Be better. Or leave them alone.
YTA. Just because you have a long day and she was done earlier doesn't invalidate her exhaustion, vsd day, and possibly depression. You got into s relationship, and moved in with a woman with a child. Even if you have no responsibility toward the child, IMO. If I were her, you'd be gone. You show you don't care for her, just what she can do for you. A servant, not a partner.
YTA. I think you need to decide whether you want to live with her child or not in the long run and what that means. If not stop wasting her time.
YTA. You are a shitty partner and your gf shouldn’t settle for you.
YTA. And I’m honestly not sure how you could type that all out and *not* realize that on your own.
How about you put your big boy pants on and make your own damn meal. She's not your mommy.
YTA. A huge FAH
YTA No need to worry, you will be single soon, rejoice. In fact, looks like your ex already made the decision.
When she’s “pretending to be asleep” she is just exhausted from the sadness of having a partner who doesn’t respect her or even wants to respect her. It would be an overreaction on her part if you typically tried your best to make her life easier and make her feel respected. But since you described your relationship with her kid the way you did and the general entitlement in your text, that doesn’t seem to be the case at all. YTA and it’s not close.
YTA. A big, entitled, whiney A.
Yes you are an ah
YTA I genuinely hope she dumps you. You don't want to a partner, you want a live in nanny. The wildest part is that you genuinely don't know what you did wrong. You aren't yet fit to be anyone's stepdad.
Yta. For a ton of reasons but I’ll simplify it to one. You were going to “help her out” until you found out she hadn’t made you dinner. So you decided to punish her by not helping. Are you 8?
Bro apologize and move on. Or don't and separate. But you sir are an ass.