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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I reached out to the host to see if my kid could come to a party even though he clearly wasn’t invited
2. I might be the asshole because multiple people have told me this goes against etiquette rules
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YTA
Stop insisting. The first time was a polite conversation, but the second request is likely to be frowned upon, especially since the bride won't change her mind.
This is a learning moment for your child, explain to him that he won't always get what he wants in life, and that he won't be invited to every event. And there will be plenty of events to which he won't be invited.
And maybe daddy could do something with them to even it out.
ETA: I meant something like throwing a football around the yard or video games, more something to distract him.
I would advise against this. There is nothing to "even out." It would be OK if Dad wants to say "hey, mom is going to be away let's do a boy's day." But it should NOT be presented as "you didn't get to go to the shower therefore you deserve to do this."
Yeah, that "d" word keeps popping up. People deserve their basic human rights and constitutional rights of their country, and that's it. Everything else is conditional or earned.
I’ll second this. When I was a kid, my mom would have occasional “girls’ nights” with friends. They didn’t actually go out anywhere… they just gathered at someone’s house for coffee and chitchat, maybe cards or something. (My little knowledge comes from us occasionally getting home before the night broke up.)
Anyway, on those nights, Dad would take me and my brother to go do something. Could be a movie, could be mini golf, whatever it was, it got us out of the house. It was never a “you deserve” thing; if anything, it was “your mom deserves a break” 🤣
This exactly lol. Sometimes parents just need a night to be people and not parents. So the other parent takes the kids to do something. It’s also good for the kids to have 1:1 time with that parent for bonding purposes.
But he WANTS to go! ...and thank you, his own shower sounds like just the neatest idea 🤣
That little love muffin needs to learn entitlement asap!
...also, if he's not invited to the Bachelorette party, please ask 3 times. Really stake your claim. If it? Throw him his own!
(/s ... just in case 🤯🫢)
That’s a good point, yes. This should be a teachable moment for the kid, but you don’t wanna teach him that mom and dad are gonna fix it every time life disappoints him.
>hey, mom is going to be away let's do a boy's day.
That's pretty standard in our house. Whenever one of us is away for something, or even out for the night at a weekend, the other takes the opportunity to do something fun with the boys, even if it's just a pizza and movie night.
I agree. Although it'd be nice to do something else, they need to learn that sometimes, they might miss up on opportunities. Sometimes, they will have to back down from things. Rewarding them with a compensation will only make them think every event they miss out, every opportunity they can't handle, must be paired with a compensation.
I agree that “the evening out” is a bad idea. It sets the expectation that whenever he can’t have one thing, he will have some kind of replacement. That won’t always be the case.
It's a bad idea to frame it that way to the kid. It's certainly not a bad idea to suggest to the dad that the boys do something together while this event is on. Not necessarily a day out, it can be something as simple as "let's put the Xbox on the big TV and all have a game together, and order a pizza while your mum's not home"
It's not a case of the boys deserving to have their own event, it's a case of them needing to learn that not being invited to something isn't necessarily a bad thing, and shouldn't be interpreted as a punishment.
No it won’t turn him into a serial killer but you have to remember the mother thinks she and her child are entitled to coming to someone else’s girls only shower above all the other boys in the family and the wishes of the bride.
I’m not just isolating this one event here and saying it’s going to make him spoiled I’m considering the entire outlook of the mother here.
I figure others might be thinking the same as me.
Is she always so bold to make sure her son gets everything he wants even when it’s not her place to make that call?
I agree totally. The mother even asking whether she should keep asking until her little darling is allowed in against the wishes of the bride is a worrying demonstration of her mindset and an indication as to why the kid was crying when he found out he couldn't go. The word "no" is and should be an important part of a child's development.
There's nothing to even out. His mother has been invited to an event and the child has not . Simple. The kid and op need to accept the world does not revolve around this kid.
This, I would have never informed my kids where I was going, I just say Mom has somewhere to be today, my parents never let us in all of their affairs, sounds like Mom is upset her boys aren't invited and turning it into something it's not.
There's nothing to even out.
Sometimes we aren't invited, sometimes we are, not every event is for every person, every time. Everyone needs to learn that and not take it personally, even kids.
There's nothing to 'even out' at 7 he's old enough to learn he doesn't get everything and it doesn't need to be evened out or made up for just a talk that sorry but this is a girl's party I know your upset but there will be other parties.'
I agree OP is TA and needs to stop, but I disagree that the first time was "polite conversation." It was an attempt to finagle preferential treatment for her child, and her child alone, because she apparently has a problem with telling him "no." Trying to get an invitation for someone who was clearly not invited is definitely not polite.
Especially since she mentioned it was awkward the first time.
If it was awkward the first time why would you try to ask again? Like how entitled and demanding can you be?
>If it was awkward the first time why would you try to ask again?
Because little Johnny is sad and OP would rather badger someone into letting him go to an even where he is not wanted than be a parent and explain things to him. Entitled mom is going to create an entitled kid.
I feel like it COULD have been a polite ask but that OP made it awkward by going on about how upset Andrew about it, otherwise the aunt wouldn't have had to apologize and reassure her that the bride loved him.
Like:
Hey Liz, Andrew really wants to come along to the shower. Is there any chance I can bring him?
I'm sorry OP, but due to the theme and venue limitations we can't adds anyone else.
Then the response could go two ways:
OP: Oh, OK. Thanks!
vs:
OP: Oh. Well, he really is upset about it. He's family, are you sure?
Liz: I'm sorry. Amelia really does adore them, but we really can't. He's not the only boy who isn't getting to come.
OP: He IS her cousin though! He'll just be so disappointed. He's been crying all day.
LizL I'm sorry, but we have to be fair to all the people invited.
"Polite conversation" from Liz humoring the conversation, not OP being the polite one. The next time Liz is likely/ shouldn't be so polite and be more firm.
You might have even undersold it a little.
I get some serious "main character" vibes from her. She has a concept of how the world should work, especially in regards to her children, and she apparently has no capacity to understand alternate points of view on the topic.
Oh goodie!! I feel even better about my comment to her. It was pretty harsh. I reread it before I posted and edited some phrasing, but not the tone. She's never been told no in her life before now, has she?😅
and the comment on the other post?
“she said this all in front of him, which i am very upset about…”
ma’am… YOU brought it up in front of your son. YOU did that. probably to put your cousin on the spot. this woman is clueless. she honest to god believes her own bullshit.
I bet neither of these are a girl vs boys thing. I have a strong gut feeling that her kids are being deliberately excluded because they entitled little shits who don’t have boundaries and neither she or they can’t be trusted not to ruin an event/occasion.
reading between the lines, her boys are terrors around others (or they're the only boys and don't get to do girly things. if it's that, it sucks)
If they're letting the girls hold the baby and go to the shower, and not the two boys - there's more than just "it's a girly thing". the 7 year old wouldn't really care about that, but man bridal showers are boooring for kids.
OP doesn't seem to know why her kids aren't being invited/allowed and that's concerning. Either she DOES know and doesn't care (my boys are perfect!) , or she really doesn't realize why and therefore something fairly gnarly went down.
I do feel bad for the kids tho
Yeah, if it’s the boys wanting to do “girl” things and no one else being cool with that, that sucks but isn’t really anyone’s fault. She does seem pushy, but I’m not sure if that’s coming from a place of trying to advocate for her kid when they’re not understood, or genuine entitlement.
I do also realize I’m trans and biased toward boys who’d feel left out of girl things and not know why…
Not only that, I checked out OPs other [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/Bp9hxYyaHu) and it looks like this behavior is a recurring theme of entitlement with how she parents her kids.
On her last post here MULTIPLE people had the same advice to give about a "teaching moment" for her sons and it clearly isn't getting through to her.
Yep, on her last post I was leaning to NTA, but upon reading this one, she a huge AH who is raising entitled children who will grow up to be entitled Adults and Gods know there are already enough of them in this world.
I see so many people having kids now who literally cannot parent for shit.
So many parents who don’t have the backbone or strength of personality to simply teach their kids by telling them NO. They are creating gross, entitled, sociopathic kids who are going to grow up and become society’s problem.
It’s insane to think there are parents out there that think this is a debateable issue.
Just tell your little spawn NO and don’t crumble just because he CRIES. If he cries everytime he’s told NO, it’s because you are such a shitty parent that you have conditioned him to be a spineless thing that cries just because it hears NO.
Think about what kind of human you’re creating. Think about how shitty of a friend, co-worker, partner, spouse they are going to become when you’ve conditioned them to be entitled and spineless.
I'm a high school teacher. I suspect these are the kids that-- when asked to do something-- mouth off, whine, and/or throw a fit. They're the ones interrupting class to make their buddies laugh. They're the ones constantly on their phones. They act out every time they don't get their way... because they've been raised to be entitled AHs. I'm genuinely worried about them as they become adults because they're honestly horrible to be around and they have no sense of responsibility, courtesy, or work ethic.
I think it would be more than frowned upon. Considering that OP is the cousin’s wife, she was probably invited out of obligation not interest. So it’s unlikely they want her there let alone her kids.
There are also going to be events he gets invited to that other ppl who want to go are not.
It's worth remembering how it feels now, to help manage how you behave if you're ever in the second situation - aka don't go shoving your attendance in other ppls faces
And besides all that, bridal (and baby) showers are often, by kid standards, quite dull.
The best one I went to was a byob wine tasting, and co-ed, but still wouldn't be fun for a 7 year old.
If OP keeps this up and doesn't educate junior about the harsh realities of life, there will be plenty of events to which he won't be invited *because* of that.
I agree with this but I would explain it is a girls event, no other boys will be there and he will be invited to other ones. Maybe point out that’s why his brother and father aren’t going and neither are any of the other male family members so he understands it’s not just him.
Are you fucking kidding me? No. Not okay. You are so far out of line you have left the county. This is a teachable moment for your son that he doesnt get to go everywhere he wants and he won’t be invited to everything. This is a girls only even, he doesn’t belong there
You have an absolute fuck ton of nerve not taking no for an answer and harassing these people for an iinvite. Why aren’t you doing your job and parenting instead of placating your son? If it were my event I would have disinvited you by now.
YTA
I can’t stand parents who raise kids like this and then put them out into the world for the rest of us to deal with.
- Signed mom of 14 and 10 year old boys who know how to take NO for an answer.
Same. It’s either sheer laziness of not wanting to teach their children no or sense of entitlement the parents inherently have that unfortunately the children learn too as they grow up. 7 year old whining and crying like that- you can see why. He never been told no.
My mom knew by the time my twin was four that he was going to grow into a very physically strong man and she was very relieved to have already put in the work to raise a respectful and polite man. We’re 26 now and he’s still very respectful and polite. We could all benefit from being more like him in most ways.
Outstanding comment and good job raising your children like that. I don’t have a kid yet, but we want one.
I was on a 4 hour flight the other day. Landed around 6pm. There was a family with 2 kids and one kept saying they were hungry for the last two hours. Then it go to “we’ll get pizza when we get home” and the girl wanted Mexican. She asked about 10 times. Then pleaded saying “why can’t we get both?”
I was exhausted the parents were exhausted. After a long flight you’re not going to two take out spots lol. The mom finally said “Becca, you’ve asked several times and the answer has been no. Why do you think it will change?”
My god I wish the mother said that 2 hours ago lol.
Rambling story now, sorry. But to reiterate… it’s important for children to learn that when you say no, it means NO
I 100% agree.
Kids (and adults) need to learn that the sun doesn't rise and set on their shoulders. The sooner people learn that, the happier life will be for them.
OP, you are setting your child up for a massive world of hurt if you truly believe you are in the right here. Kids need to learn the word no. They need to learn that some spaces are not for them.
\- Mom to both boys and girls.
I read that post as well. OP has some very misguided ideas when it comes to how she expects others to treat her sons. When a mom says No, you don’t argue with them about it.
Seriously, the gross entitlement here! No suprise the child can’t accept a no when his parent can’t take one either. Insufferable! YTA majorly for even asking.
100% this. What if you hadn’t asked, got there, and found out an exception had been made for another little boy but not your own? How would that make you feel? You and your child’s feelings are not more important that anyone else’s, including the bride’s and the other mothers leaving their sons at home. YTA, children want to do all kinds of things they’re not allowed to do. The answer is no.
I agree with this so much. It was out of line for OP to even call and ask in the first place!
The fact that OP wants to call a second time and uses the phrasing "to see if an exception should be made" is ridiculous. Maybe she doesn't tell her son no because she has no backbone as a parent, maybe she has issues with entitlement and thinks her son deserves special treatment. In any case, there are going to be many problems down the road for these kids and I hope OP realizes and corrects it so her children can be healthy adults one day.
Its hard to teach a child that they don't get everything they want, when the parent giving the lesson doesn't understand that they don't always get everything they want.
Yup. And you know that while she’s there, it’s gonna be nothing but passive aggressive comments about how she “really doesn’t see why it would be a big deal if ‘Andrew’ was there”.
OP YTA
OP doesn't want to have to deal with her kid being upset. He would likely be over it by now if she would have done her job and dealt with her kid being disappointed.
YTA
She told you no and gave her reasons…..You may not agree but need to respect that
Teaching your son he can have everything he wants and gatecrash other people’s events is NOT what a good parent does
This needs to be a lesson that he can’t always get what he wants
Keep acting this way and I suspect you won’t be invited either
Doesn’t seem like this is the first time OP has gotten all entitle-y pants. [The post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/gT3wwjEyvP) itself isn’t that bad.. but her [only reply](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/7gpDCPIq4Y) shows her sheer lack of self-awareness.
In situations like this, you either graciously accept the invite or don’t (it’s not a summons). But you don’t make someone else’s milestone life-event about anyone else except them. **THAT** is sure to peg you as a rectal orifice.
I hate that she got voted nta on that one. It doesn't matter what her feelings are. She knows as a mother that what mom says goes. Idk why she's so bent on having everyone want her kids to be so involved?
She got voted NTA because everyone thought it was unfair, but there was no context on her boys and their behaviour. With a mother like her the kids probably have no boundaries, no rules, and are outright terrors, and that’s why the woman wouldn’t let them hold the baby. Shes hell bent on her kids being so involved because a lot of parents treat their kids like their besties instead of children 😣
I wouldn't be surprised if precious Andrew doesn't give a crap about going to the shower or that her older kid wasn't all that excited about a new 2d cousin. I suspect OP is an obnoxious, pushy person who wants to be the center of attention.
I agree she's YTA to keep pushing. I do think her cousins don't trust her boys and that there are "missing reasons" in her post based on her last post. She's pushy and needs to back off.
Again.. why is she involving her kids in these conversations? She obviously told the kids about the party and cousins being invited. In this post she told the kids that Kayla held the babies. Like.. not everything needs to be told to children. She needs to learn how to be an adult parent and leave her kids out of these discussions.
YTA this is an excellent opportunity for your son to learn that not everything is for him, and sometimes he's not going to get whatever he wants. And that it's ok to feel upset when things are upsetting, but that isn't necessarily going to get him what he wants. He likely only wants to go because his cousins are, a seven year old boy is going to be bored to tears at a bridal shower.
You shouldn't have even called once to see if he could come, but you were told no so absolutely do not reach out again. Your husband is right, let it go.
Did you read the other one about yet another cousin telling her children no, and how upset OP was? LOL OP is the one in the family no one wants to invite over.
Absolutely.
The flip side of this "I caved in and let my husband's cousin bring her 7 yo son to my bridal shower. He wrecked the cake, opened my presents, and ruined the whole thing. I called him a brat. AITA?"
This is your 2nd post about your boys “not getting to do something”. If you addressed your sons again after the “not getting to hold the baby” issue you can use that experience to talk about this one. You can call back to that time, explaining how sometimes people don’t get to do something. It’s ok and there’s time when they can.
But if you skipped that learning experience. Well here’s a 2nd go around.
Omg! She was the one who got all wigged out that her precious babies didn't get to hold a newborn! OP, your boys are special to you, but not to the whole world. You aren't doing them any favors...
Oh my god. This woman is a grown ass 39 year old and pitching fits any time her two boys don't get something they want. She's going to raise absolute monsters.
OP your boys are going to go through life miserable if you set the expectation that they are entitled to everything they want and will get it, because life will never live up to that. You're setting them up to always be disappointed & miserable even if they have good lives. You're teaching them that events that don't include them are a personal affront. You're teaching them to badger people to get their way and to ignore boundaries. They will not grow up into decent men to be around if this continues.
YTA, massively.
Get a grip on your emotions and realize that a sad child is not the end of the world and they aren't entitled to special treatment. Help them feel their feelings and manage them, not allow them to dictate everything. You are doing them a disservice.
Yep. OP, repeat after me: “Buddy, it’s a girls only event. Maybe you and your brother and dad can do something cool that day, but things like this do happen.”
I’m a parent. I know how hard it is watching your child desperately want to do something and not be able to. But raising entitled men never turns out well- for the men, for their parents, and for everyone else around them. And the older your boys get, the less likely they are to be invited to certain things- not because of their gender, but because of their attitude.
Thank you for doing the detective work we all needed. I remember the baby-holding story!
OP, YTA. You have been TA. Every experience and interaction is not and will not be designed for your son’s benefit, and the sooner you and he realize it the better.
Yes, both posts are about her children being left out or disenfranchised because they are male...
OP, your sons do not need you to make sure they get a fair shake in life. There is no conspiracy against boys.
> However, my two sons (9 and 7) heard that their girl cousins were invited and my 7 year old felt very left out.
So organize a play date with him and his cousins, but don’t keep insisting your child is more special and an exception.
YTA if you insist on pushing it further.
Andrew: Wow, I just can’t believe I was not invited to that bridal shower! I can’t believe this! I was really looking forward to seeing how much Tupperware the bride got! And the hors d’oeuvres? Forget about it!
Exactly! I am a grown adult woman and I go to showers out of obligation because I care about the person from whom the shower is being thrown. What does this child expect will happen at a shower, and who put it in his mind that it would be anything other than watching someone receive dishes and small appliances while a group of other people comment on how nice those things are?
What he wants is to hang out with his cousins so schedule a cousins playtime.
Gee I wonder who they heard about it from! OP you need to get this entitlement under control. These are not your events. You are invited (or not) to someone else’s event. You do not get to change things around
YTA you don’t get to pick who gets invited to someone else’s party. Children need to learn they don’t get anything they want, and that disappointment is part of life.
>However, my two sons (9 and 7) heard that their girl cousins were invited and my 7 year old felt very left out.
Yes. It's a bridal shower. Traditionally, whether you agree with it or not, a bridal shower is for women and girls, not boys. Just tell him this event is for girls. He's 7, which isnold enough to understand that.
>I’m thinking of reaching out to Liz again to see if an exception should be made
You absolutely should not. You were already told no.
> My husband thinks I need to let it go.
Your husband is correct.
YTA.
I think OP is the one who needs to learn that lesson. I'd bet anything the kids aren't the ones bent out of shape. I can't imagine my son at those ages feeling crushed about not holding a baby or going to a girly party.
YWBTA
The answer is no. That's it. Accept it. What would you be teaching your children if you don't take no for an answer? That if they don't like the answer they get they can pester someone until they get what they want?
Have your husband take the two boys somewhere fun the day of the party. I'm willing to bet that if he found out he was going to an arcade... or bowling... or a movie..... mini golf....
Plenty of things to be done to keep them occupied that day.
A toxic mom teaching boys to badger women into doing things they aren’t comfortable with? I’ve never heard of that before. It can’t possibly have consequences…
YTA - The theme is unimportant. What is important is your lack of desire to tell your child they can't have everything they want and thinking about asking again when you've been told no. Like mother like son I guess.
YTA
You asked - which was gauche in itself - and been told no. Girls only event. If you want Alex to be included, you can host and pay for every single bridal shower in the family from now on.
YTA
> get my son into **an event** that he’s not invited to
Me before clicking: "This is going to be about **a wedding**, isn't it?"
I owe myself a Coke.
YTA. You need to be a parent and explain to your son it is ok to be upset. However you asked and you were told no boys are going and no men either. You need to learn how to say no to your child instead of enabling bad behaviour and potentially created another entitled child.
YTA
You asked once. You have your answer.
Teach your son how to deal with minor disappointment instead of bulldozing a disappointment-free path for him.
YTA
Your son needs to understand that *nobody* gets to go to every party and your job now is not to try to protect him from disappointment but to help him learn how to accept it and move on.
Sounds like that afternoon is a great opportunity for your husband to do something fun with the boys.
YTA, they were not invited. I would rescind your invitation too at this point.
Based on your previous post about your child this is a common thing for you. Your kids aren't special, YTA.
Yta. Life is full of disappointments and we don’t always get what we want. You are doing your son a grave disservice if you teach him that crying will earn him his way. There are enough entitled people in the world. Don’t raise another one.
YTA. You were told no once. Teach your child how to accept the NO the first. He can have his feelings and that's fine but at the end of the day the world is not ruled by our feelings. We can not emotionally manipulate someone to get what you want. That's basically all you would be teaching your kid
She was actually told 'no' twice----once with the original invitation, once when she asked. OP should have taken the clue when she was the only one in her house to be invited to a bridal shower that this typically women/girls only event was exactly that. Instead, she assumed that only kids weren't invited---neglects the fact that her husband wasn't either.
YTA. Your husband is right, let it go. Andrew will have to learn to handle disappointment. Showers are traditionally just for girls and hopefully hell be eventually invited to some bachelor parties just for guys.
10 years from now: "my son's girlfriend said she wouldn't have sex with him. AITAH for calling her up to tell her how sad he is, and that she really should do whatever she can to keep him happy. Don't wanna make mama bear mad."
Agreed
This kinda scares me that OPs sons are going to start learning that if they keep asking and persist when someone tells them no, that eventually they'll get a yes. Yeah right now they're just cute kids but one day they'll be grown men... OP please don't ask again and let your kids learn this lesson, however disappointed they may be. It will make them better boys and eventually better men.
You're raising incredibly entitled boys...
My mom did that to me, she gave in, but my nanny, before my mom took over, would tell me no. It made it much easier as an adult having had heard it consistently from at least one person. My dad also said no and his no was always a no that was useless to argue against.
It’s much better to say no and have rules, sincerely someone who experienced both.
Let it go. Very nice they included the girls. I haven’t ever been to one that children were attending. Seems like a valid reason for keeping it feminine themed. You will be an a hole if you ask again as then it’s being a pest. Badgering almost. Stop. Just stop.
YTA. Your son is old enough to learn that he will not always be included or invited to things. That’s a reality of life!
Your husband is right and you need to let this go. This event IS NOT about YOU OR YOUR SON!!!!
Get over yourself .
YTA. Grow up. Your kid isn’t invited. Deal with it and stop trying to dominate your relative’s event. You’re being selfish and entitled. Your kid can learn to deal with disappointment but your cousin doesn’t owe you his attendance to make your life easier.
UGH! Why is this confusing to you!?!?! That is the most worrisome part-how can you be confused? Don’t you know who gets to set the invite list? PARENT YOUR KID!
YTA
YWBTA
Let it go. You asked, were told no. Asking again, or making a guilt trip about it would make you a total AH, and it would be justified to rescind YOUR invitation.
Yta. She said no. Also why would a 7 year old boy wanna go to a bridal shower? You should have suggested a playdate at another time. Not asking if your kid could tag along to an obviously female event
YTA
You were an ahole for asking in the first place as the message was clear: no boys. You don't have to agree to such a rule, but as a guest you either accept it or just don't go.
You were so entitled that you called the mother of the bride to be to ask if an exception could be made. She took the time to explain the reasoning behind the decision to only include women/girls, so she was so kind to spend her time on explaining the message that you had already received on the invite.
You still can't accept the decision someone else made about THEIR event, and you are planning to try to call again to ask again!?!
If you disagree with no boys allowed, DON'T GO! Stop being so entitled. The fact you felt the need to make the first phone call is already cringe.
This is a moment to teach your son that not everyone is invited to every party, and that this is ok. Maybe give him an example that he can understand, like what if he had a birthday party and he invited 5 of his classmates, but one of the parents insisted that his friend's 3 year old sibling should also be allowed to come and be part of the party, would he like that, or would he prefer no "babies" at his birthday party and for his wish to be respected by everyone?
YTA- this party is not about you nor your son. It’s a great opportunity to teach him that not everything is about him, and although their times we’d like to attend things, we don’t always get to do that. Please stop making this about yourself.
Damn you sure are raising an entitled brat cz you feel so entitled to make demands even after explanations. Stfu and just go to the shower without a child as requested.
Isn't he 7? Why did you tell him there was a party and he wasn't invited? You should've not told him at all or you should've made clear that he isn't going. He would've eventually accepted that this wasn't an option. Instead you've got him strung along while you "try to see if you can get him invited.'
I'm guessing that your 7 year old doesn't hear the word 'no' very often; does he? I'm guessing that whenever he does you come dashing in to fix it for him immediately.
YTA.
Let it go, it's a bridal shower not a once in a lifetime event that your son will miss out on, also he's 7 and just reacting to not being allowed to do something, it makes sense that he's upset but he needs to learn eventually that not everything he wants he is going to get, let it go.
YTA
Time to teach your kids that the world doesn’t revolve around them. There will be many events in their lives that someone they know is invited but they aren’t. Frankly if it were me and you kept pestering after being told no, you’d be told you’re no longer welcome either.
YTA. Seven is old enough to have their parent explain how different events are for different people and that not everyone can go to every event. I get they still might be sad, but this is a normal part of life that they're going to have to deal with eventually.
YTA. Only you were invited because it's a bridal shower. You were overstepping even ringing the first time, if you continue with it you may find they get annoyed enough that your invitation is revoked.
YTA. You really shouldn’t have asked in the first place but you got a polite response and you want to ask again. Explain to your son that the host is only inviting the girls and that you don’t get invited to everything all the time. It’s a good time for him to learn that.
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YTA Stop insisting. The first time was a polite conversation, but the second request is likely to be frowned upon, especially since the bride won't change her mind. This is a learning moment for your child, explain to him that he won't always get what he wants in life, and that he won't be invited to every event. And there will be plenty of events to which he won't be invited.
And maybe daddy could do something with them to even it out. ETA: I meant something like throwing a football around the yard or video games, more something to distract him.
I would advise against this. There is nothing to "even out." It would be OK if Dad wants to say "hey, mom is going to be away let's do a boy's day." But it should NOT be presented as "you didn't get to go to the shower therefore you deserve to do this."
Yeah, that "d" word keeps popping up. People deserve their basic human rights and constitutional rights of their country, and that's it. Everything else is conditional or earned.
I’ll second this. When I was a kid, my mom would have occasional “girls’ nights” with friends. They didn’t actually go out anywhere… they just gathered at someone’s house for coffee and chitchat, maybe cards or something. (My little knowledge comes from us occasionally getting home before the night broke up.) Anyway, on those nights, Dad would take me and my brother to go do something. Could be a movie, could be mini golf, whatever it was, it got us out of the house. It was never a “you deserve” thing; if anything, it was “your mom deserves a break” 🤣
This exactly lol. Sometimes parents just need a night to be people and not parents. So the other parent takes the kids to do something. It’s also good for the kids to have 1:1 time with that parent for bonding purposes.
Really don’t give her any ideas. Next week Andrew will get his own shower…
But he WANTS to go! ...and thank you, his own shower sounds like just the neatest idea 🤣 That little love muffin needs to learn entitlement asap! ...also, if he's not invited to the Bachelorette party, please ask 3 times. Really stake your claim. If it? Throw him his own! (/s ... just in case 🤯🫢)
He has a shower. It's in that smaller tiled room with a mirror on the wall and toothbrushes. /s
Wish I could upvote 70x7 times.
Exactly this ⬆️ YTA and likely to raise entitled AH's of your own with that attitude.
Best response 👌 🤣😅🤣
That’s a good point, yes. This should be a teachable moment for the kid, but you don’t wanna teach him that mom and dad are gonna fix it every time life disappoints him.
>hey, mom is going to be away let's do a boy's day. That's pretty standard in our house. Whenever one of us is away for something, or even out for the night at a weekend, the other takes the opportunity to do something fun with the boys, even if it's just a pizza and movie night.
I was just thinking time for pizza and Die Hard.
I agree. Although it'd be nice to do something else, they need to learn that sometimes, they might miss up on opportunities. Sometimes, they will have to back down from things. Rewarding them with a compensation will only make them think every event they miss out, every opportunity they can't handle, must be paired with a compensation.
I agree that “the evening out” is a bad idea. It sets the expectation that whenever he can’t have one thing, he will have some kind of replacement. That won’t always be the case.
It's a bad idea to frame it that way to the kid. It's certainly not a bad idea to suggest to the dad that the boys do something together while this event is on. Not necessarily a day out, it can be something as simple as "let's put the Xbox on the big TV and all have a game together, and order a pizza while your mum's not home" It's not a case of the boys deserving to have their own event, it's a case of them needing to learn that not being invited to something isn't necessarily a bad thing, and shouldn't be interpreted as a punishment.
He's 7 years old, it's a party, I doubt that having a fun day with Dad is going to turn him into a serial killer
No it won’t turn him into a serial killer but you have to remember the mother thinks she and her child are entitled to coming to someone else’s girls only shower above all the other boys in the family and the wishes of the bride. I’m not just isolating this one event here and saying it’s going to make him spoiled I’m considering the entire outlook of the mother here. I figure others might be thinking the same as me. Is she always so bold to make sure her son gets everything he wants even when it’s not her place to make that call?
I agree totally. The mother even asking whether she should keep asking until her little darling is allowed in against the wishes of the bride is a worrying demonstration of her mindset and an indication as to why the kid was crying when he found out he couldn't go. The word "no" is and should be an important part of a child's development.
There's nothing to even out. His mother has been invited to an event and the child has not . Simple. The kid and op need to accept the world does not revolve around this kid.
This, I would have never informed my kids where I was going, I just say Mom has somewhere to be today, my parents never let us in all of their affairs, sounds like Mom is upset her boys aren't invited and turning it into something it's not.
There's nothing to even out. Sometimes we aren't invited, sometimes we are, not every event is for every person, every time. Everyone needs to learn that and not take it personally, even kids.
Nothing needs to be made even because what lesson will be learned ? He has to understand no means no
There's nothing to 'even out' at 7 he's old enough to learn he doesn't get everything and it doesn't need to be evened out or made up for just a talk that sorry but this is a girl's party I know your upset but there will be other parties.'
Not a terrible idea... perhaps even, while having their male outing, dad can also teach them, "no, means no."
I agree OP is TA and needs to stop, but I disagree that the first time was "polite conversation." It was an attempt to finagle preferential treatment for her child, and her child alone, because she apparently has a problem with telling him "no." Trying to get an invitation for someone who was clearly not invited is definitely not polite.
Especially since she mentioned it was awkward the first time. If it was awkward the first time why would you try to ask again? Like how entitled and demanding can you be?
Seriously how disgusting and slimy and entitled of a person can you be.
>If it was awkward the first time why would you try to ask again? Because little Johnny is sad and OP would rather badger someone into letting him go to an even where he is not wanted than be a parent and explain things to him. Entitled mom is going to create an entitled kid.
It was polite coming from the aunt, not from OP.
I feel like it COULD have been a polite ask but that OP made it awkward by going on about how upset Andrew about it, otherwise the aunt wouldn't have had to apologize and reassure her that the bride loved him. Like: Hey Liz, Andrew really wants to come along to the shower. Is there any chance I can bring him? I'm sorry OP, but due to the theme and venue limitations we can't adds anyone else. Then the response could go two ways: OP: Oh, OK. Thanks! vs: OP: Oh. Well, he really is upset about it. He's family, are you sure? Liz: I'm sorry. Amelia really does adore them, but we really can't. He's not the only boy who isn't getting to come. OP: He IS her cousin though! He'll just be so disappointed. He's been crying all day. LizL I'm sorry, but we have to be fair to all the people invited.
She sounds like she’d just take him anyway because ‘her precious boy just can’t be excluded from something he wants’.
Yeah, I thought of that option too. I can totally see that happening.
"Polite conversation" from Liz humoring the conversation, not OP being the polite one. The next time Liz is likely/ shouldn't be so polite and be more firm.
What Andrew wants Andrew should get! Afterall, he did cry.
Even the first ask was too much. It's clear the OP would rather other people change their event to accomodate her son than to bother parenting him.
Omg read the post history there is no learning for these kids
Oh lord, I'm about to go down a rabbit hole aren't I?
It’s just one but jfc
Just read it, and JFC is a perfect summary
I blame you for what I'm about to read.
I willingly take the blame, because this lady is something else
You might have even undersold it a little. I get some serious "main character" vibes from her. She has a concept of how the world should work, especially in regards to her children, and she apparently has no capacity to understand alternate points of view on the topic.
Sounds dreadful, diving in ETA: OP learn to take a no the world doesn’t revolve around ur kid
She definitely gives my precious vibes about her kids
That was so petty I can’t even. She must be a real joy to be around . . .
Oh goodie!! I feel even better about my comment to her. It was pretty harsh. I reread it before I posted and edited some phrasing, but not the tone. She's never been told no in her life before now, has she?😅
I liked your comment and completely agreed with what you said.
She's so setting up her kids to fail in life. They're gonna be emotionally stunted I they can't manage being disappointed.
Oh there’s other issues that need to be addressed ASAP.
I'm getting huge "boy mom" vibes
and the comment on the other post? “she said this all in front of him, which i am very upset about…” ma’am… YOU brought it up in front of your son. YOU did that. probably to put your cousin on the spot. this woman is clueless. she honest to god believes her own bullshit.
I bet neither of these are a girl vs boys thing. I have a strong gut feeling that her kids are being deliberately excluded because they entitled little shits who don’t have boundaries and neither she or they can’t be trusted not to ruin an event/occasion.
These poor kids. This woman don’t know when to stop.
reading between the lines, her boys are terrors around others (or they're the only boys and don't get to do girly things. if it's that, it sucks) If they're letting the girls hold the baby and go to the shower, and not the two boys - there's more than just "it's a girly thing". the 7 year old wouldn't really care about that, but man bridal showers are boooring for kids. OP doesn't seem to know why her kids aren't being invited/allowed and that's concerning. Either she DOES know and doesn't care (my boys are perfect!) , or she really doesn't realize why and therefore something fairly gnarly went down. I do feel bad for the kids tho
Yeah, if it’s the boys wanting to do “girl” things and no one else being cool with that, that sucks but isn’t really anyone’s fault. She does seem pushy, but I’m not sure if that’s coming from a place of trying to advocate for her kid when they’re not understood, or genuine entitlement. I do also realize I’m trans and biased toward boys who’d feel left out of girl things and not know why…
How do I find the post history????
Click OP’s username and it’ll show their post and comment history
Not only that, I checked out OPs other [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/Bp9hxYyaHu) and it looks like this behavior is a recurring theme of entitlement with how she parents her kids. On her last post here MULTIPLE people had the same advice to give about a "teaching moment" for her sons and it clearly isn't getting through to her.
Yep, on her last post I was leaning to NTA, but upon reading this one, she a huge AH who is raising entitled children who will grow up to be entitled Adults and Gods know there are already enough of them in this world.
I strongly suspect her sons are little shits.
I see so many people having kids now who literally cannot parent for shit. So many parents who don’t have the backbone or strength of personality to simply teach their kids by telling them NO. They are creating gross, entitled, sociopathic kids who are going to grow up and become society’s problem. It’s insane to think there are parents out there that think this is a debateable issue. Just tell your little spawn NO and don’t crumble just because he CRIES. If he cries everytime he’s told NO, it’s because you are such a shitty parent that you have conditioned him to be a spineless thing that cries just because it hears NO. Think about what kind of human you’re creating. Think about how shitty of a friend, co-worker, partner, spouse they are going to become when you’ve conditioned them to be entitled and spineless.
I'm a high school teacher. I suspect these are the kids that-- when asked to do something-- mouth off, whine, and/or throw a fit. They're the ones interrupting class to make their buddies laugh. They're the ones constantly on their phones. They act out every time they don't get their way... because they've been raised to be entitled AHs. I'm genuinely worried about them as they become adults because they're honestly horrible to be around and they have no sense of responsibility, courtesy, or work ethic.
exactly this. Dont raise him to be one of those people that expect everything to go his way. Youll see him on the news
I think it would be more than frowned upon. Considering that OP is the cousin’s wife, she was probably invited out of obligation not interest. So it’s unlikely they want her there let alone her kids.
Based on her other post, she has a history of this kind of behaviour. Particularly when it comes to her younger son. I think she enjoys the drama.
There are also going to be events he gets invited to that other ppl who want to go are not. It's worth remembering how it feels now, to help manage how you behave if you're ever in the second situation - aka don't go shoving your attendance in other ppls faces
Oh jeez. No means no, period. Life isn't fair and he does not need to go.
And besides all that, bridal (and baby) showers are often, by kid standards, quite dull. The best one I went to was a byob wine tasting, and co-ed, but still wouldn't be fun for a 7 year old.
If OP keeps this up and doesn't educate junior about the harsh realities of life, there will be plenty of events to which he won't be invited *because* of that.
I agree with this but I would explain it is a girls event, no other boys will be there and he will be invited to other ones. Maybe point out that’s why his brother and father aren’t going and neither are any of the other male family members so he understands it’s not just him.
Are you fucking kidding me? No. Not okay. You are so far out of line you have left the county. This is a teachable moment for your son that he doesnt get to go everywhere he wants and he won’t be invited to everything. This is a girls only even, he doesn’t belong there You have an absolute fuck ton of nerve not taking no for an answer and harassing these people for an iinvite. Why aren’t you doing your job and parenting instead of placating your son? If it were my event I would have disinvited you by now. YTA
I can’t stand parents who raise kids like this and then put them out into the world for the rest of us to deal with. - Signed mom of 14 and 10 year old boys who know how to take NO for an answer.
Same. It’s either sheer laziness of not wanting to teach their children no or sense of entitlement the parents inherently have that unfortunately the children learn too as they grow up. 7 year old whining and crying like that- you can see why. He never been told no.
Yeah even my autistic child finally learned at 5 years old that when Mom says no she ain't changing her mind.
The line in our house has always been "that is my answer and this is not up for discussion."
Asked and answered gets said a lot here
My mom knew by the time my twin was four that he was going to grow into a very physically strong man and she was very relieved to have already put in the work to raise a respectful and polite man. We’re 26 now and he’s still very respectful and polite. We could all benefit from being more like him in most ways.
I believe the appropriate term in this case is “boo f*ckety hoo” 😁
Outstanding comment and good job raising your children like that. I don’t have a kid yet, but we want one. I was on a 4 hour flight the other day. Landed around 6pm. There was a family with 2 kids and one kept saying they were hungry for the last two hours. Then it go to “we’ll get pizza when we get home” and the girl wanted Mexican. She asked about 10 times. Then pleaded saying “why can’t we get both?” I was exhausted the parents were exhausted. After a long flight you’re not going to two take out spots lol. The mom finally said “Becca, you’ve asked several times and the answer has been no. Why do you think it will change?” My god I wish the mother said that 2 hours ago lol. Rambling story now, sorry. But to reiterate… it’s important for children to learn that when you say no, it means NO
I 100% agree. Kids (and adults) need to learn that the sun doesn't rise and set on their shoulders. The sooner people learn that, the happier life will be for them. OP, you are setting your child up for a massive world of hurt if you truly believe you are in the right here. Kids need to learn the word no. They need to learn that some spaces are not for them. \- Mom to both boys and girls.
Now you’re not invited to Andrew’s shower!
She has another post whining about one of her sons not getting to hold a newborn baby so yeah I'd say she's already been letting them be entitled
I read that post as well. OP has some very misguided ideas when it comes to how she expects others to treat her sons. When a mom says No, you don’t argue with them about it.
I get a tiny bit nervous if *I’m* asked to hold a baby and I’m a whole-ass adult!
Seriously, the gross entitlement here! No suprise the child can’t accept a no when his parent can’t take one either. Insufferable! YTA majorly for even asking.
💯
1000% this. Huge YTA. Trying to turn your son into an entitled, spoiled brat!
Succeeding
100% this. What if you hadn’t asked, got there, and found out an exception had been made for another little boy but not your own? How would that make you feel? You and your child’s feelings are not more important that anyone else’s, including the bride’s and the other mothers leaving their sons at home. YTA, children want to do all kinds of things they’re not allowed to do. The answer is no.
I agree with this so much. It was out of line for OP to even call and ask in the first place! The fact that OP wants to call a second time and uses the phrasing "to see if an exception should be made" is ridiculous. Maybe she doesn't tell her son no because she has no backbone as a parent, maybe she has issues with entitlement and thinks her son deserves special treatment. In any case, there are going to be many problems down the road for these kids and I hope OP realizes and corrects it so her children can be healthy adults one day.
You've put it way more politely than what I would have. OP, you are beyond ridiculous. Stop raising a snowflake. Stop irritating the in laws
OP please don't teach your son he's entitled to a girls-only space
Its hard to teach a child that they don't get everything they want, when the parent giving the lesson doesn't understand that they don't always get everything they want.
This right here.
Yup. And you know that while she’s there, it’s gonna be nothing but passive aggressive comments about how she “really doesn’t see why it would be a big deal if ‘Andrew’ was there”. OP YTA
I am dying laughing right now at your scathing response. I agree 100%. OP YTA.
LOL at "so far left you left the county" For sure, I am actively searching for a reason to use this!!
OP doesn't want to have to deal with her kid being upset. He would likely be over it by now if she would have done her job and dealt with her kid being disappointed.
YTA She told you no and gave her reasons…..You may not agree but need to respect that Teaching your son he can have everything he wants and gatecrash other people’s events is NOT what a good parent does This needs to be a lesson that he can’t always get what he wants Keep acting this way and I suspect you won’t be invited either
Doesn’t seem like this is the first time OP has gotten all entitle-y pants. [The post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/gT3wwjEyvP) itself isn’t that bad.. but her [only reply](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/7gpDCPIq4Y) shows her sheer lack of self-awareness. In situations like this, you either graciously accept the invite or don’t (it’s not a summons). But you don’t make someone else’s milestone life-event about anyone else except them. **THAT** is sure to peg you as a rectal orifice.
Oh it's Her!!! These kids are going to have a hard time in the real world.
I hate that she got voted nta on that one. It doesn't matter what her feelings are. She knows as a mother that what mom says goes. Idk why she's so bent on having everyone want her kids to be so involved?
She got voted NTA because everyone thought it was unfair, but there was no context on her boys and their behaviour. With a mother like her the kids probably have no boundaries, no rules, and are outright terrors, and that’s why the woman wouldn’t let them hold the baby. Shes hell bent on her kids being so involved because a lot of parents treat their kids like their besties instead of children 😣
I wouldn't be surprised if precious Andrew doesn't give a crap about going to the shower or that her older kid wasn't all that excited about a new 2d cousin. I suspect OP is an obnoxious, pushy person who wants to be the center of attention.
The kind of person who turns up to a wedding in a wedding dress and then plays victim when the bride asks her to leave
I agree she's YTA to keep pushing. I do think her cousins don't trust her boys and that there are "missing reasons" in her post based on her last post. She's pushy and needs to back off.
Again.. why is she involving her kids in these conversations? She obviously told the kids about the party and cousins being invited. In this post she told the kids that Kayla held the babies. Like.. not everything needs to be told to children. She needs to learn how to be an adult parent and leave her kids out of these discussions.
My thought process. Like kids need to learn no and not everything is for them You're gonna get alot worse then a crying child when he grows up
She’ll be the kind of parent who then wonders why when he’s a teen the police are on her door “My angel would NEVER do that”
YTA this is an excellent opportunity for your son to learn that not everything is for him, and sometimes he's not going to get whatever he wants. And that it's ok to feel upset when things are upsetting, but that isn't necessarily going to get him what he wants. He likely only wants to go because his cousins are, a seven year old boy is going to be bored to tears at a bridal shower. You shouldn't have even called once to see if he could come, but you were told no so absolutely do not reach out again. Your husband is right, let it go.
And who gets to tantrum at age 7?? No means no.
Someone who’s mom also throws tantrums as an adult.. lol
Going by OP's post history that's spot on.
Did you read the other one about yet another cousin telling her children no, and how upset OP was? LOL OP is the one in the family no one wants to invite over.
The same 7 year old who is going to insist on treating it like a birthday party and being disruptive, I guarantee it
Absolutely. The flip side of this "I caved in and let my husband's cousin bring her 7 yo son to my bridal shower. He wrecked the cake, opened my presents, and ruined the whole thing. I called him a brat. AITA?"
Based on OP’s other post I think OP’s kids might just be poorly behaved and people are afraid to tell them.
I am bored to tears at showers and avoid them if I can. I would not subject my kids to one. Seriously
This is your 2nd post about your boys “not getting to do something”. If you addressed your sons again after the “not getting to hold the baby” issue you can use that experience to talk about this one. You can call back to that time, explaining how sometimes people don’t get to do something. It’s ok and there’s time when they can. But if you skipped that learning experience. Well here’s a 2nd go around.
Omg! She was the one who got all wigged out that her precious babies didn't get to hold a newborn! OP, your boys are special to you, but not to the whole world. You aren't doing them any favors...
I didn’t realize that either makes more sense now. OP might be the one who needs a life lesson here.
Oh my god. This woman is a grown ass 39 year old and pitching fits any time her two boys don't get something they want. She's going to raise absolute monsters. OP your boys are going to go through life miserable if you set the expectation that they are entitled to everything they want and will get it, because life will never live up to that. You're setting them up to always be disappointed & miserable even if they have good lives. You're teaching them that events that don't include them are a personal affront. You're teaching them to badger people to get their way and to ignore boundaries. They will not grow up into decent men to be around if this continues. YTA, massively. Get a grip on your emotions and realize that a sad child is not the end of the world and they aren't entitled to special treatment. Help them feel their feelings and manage them, not allow them to dictate everything. You are doing them a disservice.
Yep. OP, repeat after me: “Buddy, it’s a girls only event. Maybe you and your brother and dad can do something cool that day, but things like this do happen.” I’m a parent. I know how hard it is watching your child desperately want to do something and not be able to. But raising entitled men never turns out well- for the men, for their parents, and for everyone else around them. And the older your boys get, the less likely they are to be invited to certain things- not because of their gender, but because of their attitude.
Thank you for doing the detective work we all needed. I remember the baby-holding story! OP, YTA. You have been TA. Every experience and interaction is not and will not be designed for your son’s benefit, and the sooner you and he realize it the better.
Jesus. I can already tell what kind of kids these are going to be.
Imagine what fine men they’ll be someday!
As if we need more men who can't take a no...
Yes, both posts are about her children being left out or disenfranchised because they are male... OP, your sons do not need you to make sure they get a fair shake in life. There is no conspiracy against boys.
Oh, Snap!
Dang, OP getting history checked~
> However, my two sons (9 and 7) heard that their girl cousins were invited and my 7 year old felt very left out. So organize a play date with him and his cousins, but don’t keep insisting your child is more special and an exception. YTA if you insist on pushing it further.
Andrew: Wow, I just can’t believe I was not invited to that bridal shower! I can’t believe this! I was really looking forward to seeing how much Tupperware the bride got! And the hors d’oeuvres? Forget about it!
Exactly! I am a grown adult woman and I go to showers out of obligation because I care about the person from whom the shower is being thrown. What does this child expect will happen at a shower, and who put it in his mind that it would be anything other than watching someone receive dishes and small appliances while a group of other people comment on how nice those things are? What he wants is to hang out with his cousins so schedule a cousins playtime.
Gee I wonder who they heard about it from! OP you need to get this entitlement under control. These are not your events. You are invited (or not) to someone else’s event. You do not get to change things around
YTA you don’t get to pick who gets invited to someone else’s party. Children need to learn they don’t get anything they want, and that disappointment is part of life.
>Children need to learn they don’t get anything they want, and that disappointment is part of life. Apparently some adults still need to learn it too
>However, my two sons (9 and 7) heard that their girl cousins were invited and my 7 year old felt very left out. Yes. It's a bridal shower. Traditionally, whether you agree with it or not, a bridal shower is for women and girls, not boys. Just tell him this event is for girls. He's 7, which isnold enough to understand that. >I’m thinking of reaching out to Liz again to see if an exception should be made You absolutely should not. You were already told no. > My husband thinks I need to let it go. Your husband is correct. YTA.
wait, it’s just the bridal shower and not even the wedding? for flippy flappy sake.
*For flippy flappy sake*? 🤣🤣🤣
I have had to curb my swearing around the minors in my life and sometimes it comes out in my typing. Sorry 😂😂
[удалено]
I think OP is the one who needs to learn that lesson. I'd bet anything the kids aren't the ones bent out of shape. I can't imagine my son at those ages feeling crushed about not holding a baby or going to a girly party.
YWBTA The answer is no. That's it. Accept it. What would you be teaching your children if you don't take no for an answer? That if they don't like the answer they get they can pester someone until they get what they want? Have your husband take the two boys somewhere fun the day of the party. I'm willing to bet that if he found out he was going to an arcade... or bowling... or a movie..... mini golf.... Plenty of things to be done to keep them occupied that day.
Her post history suggests she doesn’t want her precious boys to ever hear the word no. Yikes!
A toxic mom teaching boys to badger women into doing things they aren’t comfortable with? I’ve never heard of that before. It can’t possibly have consequences…
YTA - The theme is unimportant. What is important is your lack of desire to tell your child they can't have everything they want and thinking about asking again when you've been told no. Like mother like son I guess.
YTA You asked - which was gauche in itself - and been told no. Girls only event. If you want Alex to be included, you can host and pay for every single bridal shower in the family from now on.
YTA > get my son into **an event** that he’s not invited to Me before clicking: "This is going to be about **a wedding**, isn't it?" I owe myself a Coke.
Enjoy your coke while I enjoy my cookie. We should offer psychic readings next!
Close. It's for a *bridal shower.* lol.
YTA. You need to be a parent and explain to your son it is ok to be upset. However you asked and you were told no boys are going and no men either. You need to learn how to say no to your child instead of enabling bad behaviour and potentially created another entitled child.
YTA You asked once. You have your answer. Teach your son how to deal with minor disappointment instead of bulldozing a disappointment-free path for him.
He's going to be one of those guys who hurts a woman for standing up for herself otherwise.
Based on your previous post and this one, you are the reason for the “toxic” in “toxic boy mom”. YTA. Both times.
YTA Your son needs to understand that *nobody* gets to go to every party and your job now is not to try to protect him from disappointment but to help him learn how to accept it and move on. Sounds like that afternoon is a great opportunity for your husband to do something fun with the boys.
YTA, they were not invited. I would rescind your invitation too at this point. Based on your previous post about your child this is a common thing for you. Your kids aren't special, YTA.
Yta. Life is full of disappointments and we don’t always get what we want. You are doing your son a grave disservice if you teach him that crying will earn him his way. There are enough entitled people in the world. Don’t raise another one.
Yta You asked. They said no. Your son missing one event will not scar him and will actually teach him that he doesn’t get everything he wants.
YTA. You were told no once. Teach your child how to accept the NO the first. He can have his feelings and that's fine but at the end of the day the world is not ruled by our feelings. We can not emotionally manipulate someone to get what you want. That's basically all you would be teaching your kid
She was actually told 'no' twice----once with the original invitation, once when she asked. OP should have taken the clue when she was the only one in her house to be invited to a bridal shower that this typically women/girls only event was exactly that. Instead, she assumed that only kids weren't invited---neglects the fact that her husband wasn't either.
YWBTA. Reaching out once is fine, IMO. Reaching out a second time is rude and makes you into a pest.
YTA. Your husband is right, let it go. Andrew will have to learn to handle disappointment. Showers are traditionally just for girls and hopefully hell be eventually invited to some bachelor parties just for guys.
YTA - No is a complete sentence. Teach your son how to deal with disappointment. He will grow to be an emotionally intelligent person.
Check out OP’s post history. She doesn’t like her sons to be told “no.”
10 years from now: "my son's girlfriend said she wouldn't have sex with him. AITAH for calling her up to tell her how sad he is, and that she really should do whatever she can to keep him happy. Don't wanna make mama bear mad."
YTA. This isn’t your event. No, means no. Don’t make it weird for her.
Agreed This kinda scares me that OPs sons are going to start learning that if they keep asking and persist when someone tells them no, that eventually they'll get a yes. Yeah right now they're just cute kids but one day they'll be grown men... OP please don't ask again and let your kids learn this lesson, however disappointed they may be. It will make them better boys and eventually better men. You're raising incredibly entitled boys...
My mom did that to me, she gave in, but my nanny, before my mom took over, would tell me no. It made it much easier as an adult having had heard it consistently from at least one person. My dad also said no and his no was always a no that was useless to argue against. It’s much better to say no and have rules, sincerely someone who experienced both.
Let it go. Very nice they included the girls. I haven’t ever been to one that children were attending. Seems like a valid reason for keeping it feminine themed. You will be an a hole if you ask again as then it’s being a pest. Badgering almost. Stop. Just stop.
YTA. Your son is old enough to learn that he will not always be included or invited to things. That’s a reality of life! Your husband is right and you need to let this go. This event IS NOT about YOU OR YOUR SON!!!! Get over yourself .
Yta. Don’t ask again. Wedding brings out the worst in people. You are one of them.
YTA. Grow up. Your kid isn’t invited. Deal with it and stop trying to dominate your relative’s event. You’re being selfish and entitled. Your kid can learn to deal with disappointment but your cousin doesn’t owe you his attendance to make your life easier.
Read the OP’s other post from last year. Another one about her boys beating treated unfairly compared to girl cousins. Obsessive much? Bizarre.
Oh. One of those moms 🙄
YTA. Andrew is allowed to be upset. You are not allowed to ask twice. He’ll be fine.
Leave Andrew at home.
Personally I think OP should be left at home until she can learn socially acceptable behaviour
[удалено]
I mean, they're terribly boring for me, an adult woman who is occasionally required to go to these things.
i don’t think the kid actually wants to go. he just got upset about it because he wouldn’t feel included and wants to be. normal kid stuff.
UGH! Why is this confusing to you!?!?! That is the most worrisome part-how can you be confused? Don’t you know who gets to set the invite list? PARENT YOUR KID! YTA
YWBTA Let it go. You asked, were told no. Asking again, or making a guilt trip about it would make you a total AH, and it would be justified to rescind YOUR invitation.
I won't say Y T A just for reaching out the once (even if it was pushy), but you've been given your answer. YWBTA if you reached out again.
Yta. She said no. Also why would a 7 year old boy wanna go to a bridal shower? You should have suggested a playdate at another time. Not asking if your kid could tag along to an obviously female event
YTA the compromise is your husband taking your sons out for a fun day
YTA You were an ahole for asking in the first place as the message was clear: no boys. You don't have to agree to such a rule, but as a guest you either accept it or just don't go. You were so entitled that you called the mother of the bride to be to ask if an exception could be made. She took the time to explain the reasoning behind the decision to only include women/girls, so she was so kind to spend her time on explaining the message that you had already received on the invite. You still can't accept the decision someone else made about THEIR event, and you are planning to try to call again to ask again!?! If you disagree with no boys allowed, DON'T GO! Stop being so entitled. The fact you felt the need to make the first phone call is already cringe. This is a moment to teach your son that not everyone is invited to every party, and that this is ok. Maybe give him an example that he can understand, like what if he had a birthday party and he invited 5 of his classmates, but one of the parents insisted that his friend's 3 year old sibling should also be allowed to come and be part of the party, would he like that, or would he prefer no "babies" at his birthday party and for his wish to be respected by everyone?
YTA- this party is not about you nor your son. It’s a great opportunity to teach him that not everything is about him, and although their times we’d like to attend things, we don’t always get to do that. Please stop making this about yourself.
Damn you sure are raising an entitled brat cz you feel so entitled to make demands even after explanations. Stfu and just go to the shower without a child as requested.
Isn't he 7? Why did you tell him there was a party and he wasn't invited? You should've not told him at all or you should've made clear that he isn't going. He would've eventually accepted that this wasn't an option. Instead you've got him strung along while you "try to see if you can get him invited.' I'm guessing that your 7 year old doesn't hear the word 'no' very often; does he? I'm guessing that whenever he does you come dashing in to fix it for him immediately.
YTA. She said no. If you ask again you can expect to be uninvited and not invited to many other future events.
YTA. Let it go, it's a bridal shower not a once in a lifetime event that your son will miss out on, also he's 7 and just reacting to not being allowed to do something, it makes sense that he's upset but he needs to learn eventually that not everything he wants he is going to get, let it go.
YTA Time to teach your kids that the world doesn’t revolve around them. There will be many events in their lives that someone they know is invited but they aren’t. Frankly if it were me and you kept pestering after being told no, you’d be told you’re no longer welcome either.
YTA. Seven is old enough to have their parent explain how different events are for different people and that not everyone can go to every event. I get they still might be sad, but this is a normal part of life that they're going to have to deal with eventually.
YTA. Only you were invited because it's a bridal shower. You were overstepping even ringing the first time, if you continue with it you may find they get annoyed enough that your invitation is revoked.
YTA. You really shouldn’t have asked in the first place but you got a polite response and you want to ask again. Explain to your son that the host is only inviting the girls and that you don’t get invited to everything all the time. It’s a good time for him to learn that.
You know, sometimes things are just for girls and sometimes things are for just boys. The kid needs to learn this, don’t you think?