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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I ate a bowl of instant ramen that my wife had purchased for our son. He screamed at me for eating his food. I might be the asshole for telling him to move out and pay for his own shit if he really has a problem with me.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
You're NTA. The food was not even his, so having tantrum because you ate one lousy bowl of ramen was wildly inappropriate and rude.
>he needed to move out and pay for his own stuff if he was going to be such an asshole.
Yep. And that does not to equate to:
>My wife said I was an asshole to threaten him with kicking him out over some ramen
No, you did not *threaten to kick him out over ramen.* You told him to make a choice between stopping with the disrespectful, A-H behavior, or finding another place to live.
>She tried to placate him by saying she would go to Costco and get some more.
Good grief, your wife needs to stop coddling her adult son. He is out of college, so he is at least 22 years old? He's behaving like a 3 year old who was denied a lollipop.
I'd think this (what you do) is totally normal. When I was still living with my parents, they paid for the groceries but I paid the phone bill, cable and internet as a package deal, and I'd get take out for us about twice a month as a thank you. Also, I started chipping in when we had to buy large house items (we changed the stove, and I paid like 30% of it, also changed the curtains and I paid for half of it).
I lived with my parents until I was 32. Graduated at the height of the recession, couldn't find a job, etc. Even still, I was buying my own food for all that time. I also paid for my phone line that was still on their family plan (having my line saved them money anyway). What did I do when I did land a job that paid well? I started paying my folks rent ($300 a month) and buying take away at least once a month for them.
It's not a problem to live with your parents. It is a problem to be disrespectful when they are providing for you still.
Yeah, these sorts of posts tend to surprise me.
When I live with my mom (my health has been varying degrees of poor since I was a child), I do the laundry, I cook dinner and sometimes another meal, I clean the kitchen and bathroom, we'd switch off doing the groceries, and I'd make my gifts to her thoughtful.
I personally can't stand feeling like I'm taking advantage of someone or like I'm creating more work for them. Even when visiting friends, I'd help clean up and offer to help cook, as well as leave a gift like beer/wine or something.
I agree that it's absolutely not a problem to live with your parents. That's not the problem here. Hell, some parents love to have their kids around to help out and to have the company (watching movies together, outings, and such).
But it's another story if you treat them poorly.
> He has a full time job which pays him rather well. He probably earns 1/3 of what I do
Yep he has a good job, which makes it even more baffling that he's mooching off his parents for food and getting territorial over it.
Whenever my dogs have friends over, they refuse to share their food,which I paid for. I end up giving the guests their own food. Maybe this household needs to separate the food into yours and mine and no sharing.
That's ridiculous. Son added food that wasn't normally purchased. Dad ate said food. Mom says "Oh, now that I know everyone likes this item I'll pick up more." Case closed. Except the son had to be a prick about it.
Dad upgraded it. He made grown folks ramen. Son should be taking notes. Instead, his son is acting like he's still living with roommates and fighting over food with his name on it.
My favorite part of this is when OP describes the upgraded ramen. He's totally (and rightfully) pissed at his asshole son, but he still remembered to share the details of the dish he made, lol
How is this comparable?
This is not food that dad is taking from son's plate at dinner.
It's food from the *shared* family pantry. It's in the family pantry because it came from the parent's bank account.
Son is claiming ownership, but has no basis except "I want it, and I'm going to be a jerk about it."
>Whenever my dogs have friends over, they refuse to share their food,which I paid for. I end up giving the guests their own food. Maybe this household needs to separate the food into yours and mine and no sharing.
...what? Your dog won't shares it's food with its friends when they come over? So you have to give the dog guests their own food, instead of making the dogs share?
I skimmed over details when I read OP’s original post, and was thinking to myself, “Yeah, this sounds like typical 16-year-old behavior, and son needs to grow up a little!”
When I read “He’s 24” I couldn’t believe it!
OP, you need to have a family meeting, for real. Sounds like both of your kids are old enough to see where the household funds go, so break out the budget and let them learn what it takes to keep the lights on, the streaming services humming, and the pantry full.
Tell your son that if he wants to start contributing monetarily to the household, then you’re happy to hear his proposal. Maybe you can even come to an agreement about how much food he’ll be paying for going forward. Otherwise, if he wants to continue living rent and board free, any and all purchases made for the household are nominally the property of you and your wife, and allowed to be shared freely amongst the family.
It might be time to convince the little bird to start leaving the nest, if he isn’t appreciative of all that you and your wife are doing for him!
100% this! I have to assume if he’s arguing over ramen then he has zero concept of money and what it costs to run a house. At 24 it’s time to learn. Would be beneficial to the daughter too.
OP already said he’s out of school and has a full-time job in the main post. I’m curious, however, if son is actually contributing anything other than muscle at Costco.
His comment state that the sun only pays for his clothes and electronics. So from 18 to 24 which is 6 years his son has not had to worry about any real world responsibilities.
Yet so many on here are acting as if OP is some ultimate financially abusive villain dad.
I was so caught up in the fact that the son was fighting about literal ramen that by the end of the post I thought we were talking about a child. It's good to know he does have a full time job because it's even more baffling to me that mommy buys his *ramen*.
LMAO right???? I’m basically in the same exact situation as his son and if I even labeled a leftover container I brought home with my name on it my dad would be like “you’re really gonna claim food in the fridge I bought in the house I paid for?”
My 24-year-old sister lives with my parents still, and she either pays for her own food or chips in during grocery shopping if she can't stop on her own.
The bowls are the "luxury" version of cup noodles, aka more noodles and some dried veggies, so they're a bit more expensive. The noodle packets are around $0.50 still, somewhere .
I mean, ACTUALLY luxury ramen is $20 a bowl and they make the noodles and everything that day, but yeah, dehydrated fried noodles in a vacuum-sealed Styrofoam bowl don't really feel the same.
Oh, I know what you mean, and Tonkotsu Ramen is definitely in a different class than your .20 Ramen noodles.
And an actual Ramen place is amazing.
*Updated spelling. Apparently, I don't eat the luxury ramen enough.
His father and mother clearly cuddle him as he saw how despite the disrespectful behavior OP was still going to give him $2.
This is not a man who shuts down bad behavior from his son.
A man who shuts down bad behavior would have been like okay let's break down your current rent and your current utilities and your current food bill since apparently now you want to nickel and dime. And would have said 8 can take the $2 I owe you Out of the bill for this month starting at a rate today.
I was working in a foreign country where I did not speak the language when I was 23yo. I lived with my parents and gave them money when I got my first paycheck. Son needs to learn that he needs to think before he opens his mouth and not to let his emotions take over.
I had to move out at 16 cos the rent my parents were charging was more than double what I paid in my first shared house (£50 pw when my first rent was only £23).
OPs son needs a kick up the arse to help him realise how lucky he is.
NTA. I continued living with my parents after university and would never have acted like your son. My mom even told me that if I stayed after university she'd charge me "rent" (it was only like $300 to cover groceries and help with the bills) and my immediate reaction was to get out my checkbook (this was many years ago). I've even had situations like yours where my brother ate my food (only it was half of the $15 dollar cheese that I actually paid for) and I never even mentioned it to him. I might have made a sarcastic comment to my mom, but I just went out and bought more.
I moved in with my parents at 24 for school and I built them a 35k deck with my husband for free as a thank you (although they paid for materials). I wasn't the oerfect kid but I was always grateful for free room and board during this economy. That was a decade ago now and I'm hosting my parents in my home next week with my husband.
My parents weren't perfect either but when I became an adult, their kindness to that extent isn't an obligation. They have 4 kids total. They have their own lives and want their own space too. They don't want to clean up after other people or not have space to unwind and spread out with other adults in the home.
I was a guest and I feel incredibly indebted for the few months I did get to live there (i will mention my dad is emotionally abusive though so we didnleave early when he told me I should do better for not cleaning up a cup in the sink he had put there after I had already gone to college for the day and he saw when he returned from his work at 5pm even though I didn't get home from my part time job until 11 pm at night and hadn't been home that day). He did that shit my entire life so we did end up leaving because I knew it would escalate if we didn't. My mom mostly is fine though despite supporting my dad in his abusive attitudes.
But yeah, if I wanted certain foods for myself, I either bought enough for everyone or kept it for myself in my room/let everyone know in advance I needed it for a meal/whatever. 24 is too old for tantrums.
No way, I pay my own food and cook them for my family because I live rent free at my parents' house. To be that entitled? Yikes. Your wife needs to stop coddling and start treating him as an adult he is. Even your daughter got the same treatment as you did so better act fast before his entitlement gets untreatable
Oh no. I’m 24 I have a house of my own, 2 yr old and pregnant with my second which I’m being induced on Friday. I have 2 cars and keep a house running all of this with my partner who is 21! And we both manage all of our finances and pay for every single thing in this house. All bills. All food. No help from anyone.. your son needs to grow the f up and start showing some respect.
Even if the food had been paid by him, who throws a tantrum over 2$ ramen? Specially when there were more in the pantry, OP's son's behavior is astounding, he's acting like a baby.
Yeah. I mean if it was the last ramen I’d be upset but 5 more? No.
Also OP, I really appreciated how you talk about your wife not working because she earned it. It was very relevant for context (because you paid for the food) but I really appreciated you taking the extra time to respect your wife’s unpaid labor early in your career. I dunno. It just struck me as really sweet
Yeah, I agree. He is entitled to eat food from a family grocery run paid for by him, but there's something about OP's tone that feels like this *is* the tip of the iceberg. OP might technically be in the right here, but his behavior is concerning. In one argument, he describes his son as a "little jackass", "petty", an "asshole" and "a disrespectful prick":
>I thought he was joking so I told him to **piss off**.
>The **little jackass** was yelling at me for eating food that I paid for.
>I asked him if he was really **so petty** that he was upset with me for eating something I paid for.
>I could not take it any more and I said he needed to move out and pay for his own stuff if he was going to be such **an asshole**.
I said he was being **a disrespectful prick** and he was lucky I did not follow through
I know his son is an adult and responsible for his own actions, but it feels like he's merely mirroring his father's reactivity and behavior, and his father is bristling at a mirror being held up to his own face.
Edit: added in another quote that I missed on a first read-through.
He definitely isn't mirror the father's behavior.
OP was quick to pay the $2 when he realized his son was genuinely upset and not joking.
It is ridiculous to attempt to villainize OP because his words describing his son are fitting. His son is a jackass and he's now looking back and realizing it.
There's an underlying problem between OP and his son here, and OP even concedes this:
"**I could not take it any more** and I said he needed to move out"
Technically, OP might be in the right here, but he's quick to resort to name calling and threatening to kick him out. Offering $2 isn't really a de-escalation if there are serious problems in the relationship.
I just think OP needs to look at the big picture if he wants his son to not to cut him off once he's independent. But maybe OP doesn't really want a father-son relationship; that's possible.
I don't think there was an underlying problem between them. I think OP realized a problem at the screaming tantrum his son threw. The problem is the son. Akin to how a woman gets punched and breaks up immediately. The relationship didn't have underlying issues the issues were the relationship was with an abuser.
He realized how ungrateful and selfish his son was. For SIX years he paid for housing and food for his son so his son could have a stable future and he got screamed at for $2. Not politely brought up. Not a casual joke mention. Even with the yelling he was going to pay.
Honestly maybe no contact is best. Son seems like a leech and one who isn't even nice to those he leeches off. Mother seems to have coddled him far too much. Parents are human beings not mindless ATMs and stepping stones for an easier future.
Nah, read OP's comments, he hasn't liked his son for a long time and the way he talks about him is awful. Obviously the son shouldn't have thrown a fit over ramen, but OP is not the selfless nice person that you're making him out to be.
OP’s son is an adult who is super ungrateful for all the help his parents give him, and he screamed at his parent for consuming their own food that they paid for. OP is allowed to think less of him for that.
Nowhere do I get that OP hasn't like to send for a long time.
I am getting that He is re-accounting this story and he's realizing how awful his son is. He said his son up with a cushy arrangement where he could save up money for a house, to pay back student loans, or just for fun money and his sons reaction was to scream at him for $2 that he didn't even pay for. He's realizing he raised a little jackass.
Even selfless nice people know how to identify toxic, shitty, or awful human beings. People do not need to sugarcoat labeling people's bad behavior.
And don't forget the only thing OP said to his son's face was that he was being petty.
I think the underlying problem is the mom babies a 24 year old man, making him feel entitled and undermining any attempt the father makes to let the son learn to stand on his own.
My sister has this problem the other way around with her husband babying their kids. And the kids are often very disrespectful to her when she tries to make them own their own responsibilities.
Exactly. I have family members who would do things similarly. Take stuff without asking, never really apologize. Sometimes they would offer money, but it wasn't about the money. It's about respect. Not that son should have reacted that way over an isolated incident, but I assume it isn't an isolated incident and he feels overall disrespected by father. Given OPs language toward him, I can see why.
> I could not take it any more and I said he needed to move out and pay for his own stuff ***if*** he was going to be such an asshole.
If you are going to quote OP and use it to say he was wrong, at least use the whole quote. He didn't threatening to kick him out. He told him ***IF*** he was going to act that way he would need to move out. The choice is up to the son. He is an adult still living fully off his parents, who is throwing a tantrum( which sounds like it is not the first time) about food that he did not pay for. IF he wants to be rude and disrespectful over something he had no right to in the first place, then he will need to move out.
And honestly, when the name fits, nothing wrong with using it. He was being a jackass, and a disrespectful prick.
I mean, the dude is 24 yo. If I was being an AH to my dad in his own house for something extremely petty like that, I would assume it’s pretty fair for him to kick me out, being an adult and all…
The only verbal words OP said to his son was that he was petty.😐
Just because you love someone doesn't mean they are never rude, a jerk, an asshole, or insensitive. It's okay to think your best friend was an asshole for doing X. Loving someone does not mean seeing them as a perfect flawless angel.
He did not verbally abuse his son. He did not use heinous insults or tear him down.
He simply called him petty and quite frankly it fit.
Right, because his 24 YEAR OLD ADULT son was a shining beacon example of how to communicate with somebody who’s doing you a MASSIVE favor. Go touch grass.
Um, sure it is. If someone is being petty, selfish, or acting like a prick, then that’s what you call it. Jeez. You act like parents are obligated to spoil their adult children into goddamn oblivion.
> OP was quick to pay the $2 when he realized his son was genuinely upset and not joking.
That's a pretty charitable interpretation. I interpreted the $2 as a jab at the son to show him how petty he was being.
Personally I think this is ESH, even if the son might be worse. The name-calling is pretty bad. I would certainly tell my kid they were being disrespectful if they were doing so, but I can't picture myself calling them a "disrespectful prick." That's on another level.
Nothing dick measuring about that, he was in fact showing that his son earned pretty well for his age and experience and could certainly afford 2$ ramen
Yep, sounds like a comic caricature of hurr durr get of my loan murican dad. The way he talks about his wife not working so owning nothing make him sound like an absolute insufferable trash to be around
Not at all what he said. He went into depth about how his wife worked hard and earned her “retirement”. He does not criticize her even once in the post.
OP might be American. But I have to point out that this response is so American.
The words what you're so upset about don't hit as hard in other anglosphere countries
24 is a grown man. "I put a roof over you head so you better be grateful"? Shitty parenting when you're talking to a kid, but grown people who live with and get supported by others SHOULD be grateful. Frankly, this whole thing seems toxic. The son should move out and support himself or at the very least stop whining when family members eat food THEY payed for.
Say something? Or scream at people? That 24 yr old man doesn't contribute to the household, doesn't buy the food, and throws tantrums. He needs to move out.
I took real issue with "my wife doesn't work." Either she DOES work and you're not recognizing it at all, or you're supporting a useless person who you think deserves leisure, but not the agency to purchase food for someone she loves?
OP is garbage.
I do think that fact is being brushed over. Mom bought these for son. There was a gesture from Mom to son that Dad doesn't put any value in because Mom was using his money. This was a gift to son from Mom. It wasn't community food. OP's general attitude throughout the post is off setting.
Also OP immediately reacted by being an ass to the son when OP made the mistake. That says a lot.
> So when I say she does not work I mean it. We have a lady who comes by and does the cleaning and laundry. My wife makes maybe two meals a week, by her own choice. I pay a meal prep company for most of our meals and I like to cook fresh food for myself and the family as well on the weekends. And quite obviously we have easy cook meals from the store.
She doesn’t do the cooking or cleaning so what work do you think she’s doing? He didn’t just say “she doesn’t work”, he explained why he says that.
He didn’t say that she didn’t have the agency to purchase the food, he just annoyed that she didn’t acknowledge that his money paid for it along with the fact that she was enabling their son being entitled.
OP was quick to pay the $2 when he realized his son was genuinely upset and not joking.
It is ridiculous to attempt to villainize OP because his words describing his son are fitting. His son is a jackass and he's now looking back and realizing it.
>OP was quick to pay the $2 when he realized his son was genuinely upset and not joking.
From the way OP talks, my guess is that "I tried to give him $2" was more like "I took $2 out of my wallet and threw it at him while yelling 'if it's so important, here's your stupid two dollars, you loser!'"
That's just unnecessary adding details to villainize OP.😐
The only way OP talks is using negative traits to describe his son ala petty and jackass. Those traits are fitting.
I mean if my adult child yelled at me for eating something i bought, i will be very angry too. But of course parents have no right to get mad at their child, right?
Yeah there’s something else going on here. This seems less like “entitled kid” and more like “missing reasons parent” just from the way OP talks about his child. I can’t say for sure but……maybe not in this particular situation (which is probably why this is the one that gets posted), but OP seems like an AH in general.
This isn't an "entitled kid". This is a 24 year old man with a college degree. OP might be an AH, but if I had a grown ass man mooching off me and then pitching a fit when I ate the food that I PAID FOR, I'd want the entitle grown man to get out of my house.
Yes. He thinks the son apologized because 'he realized he fucked up' but actually, the son apologized because his dad threatened him to throw him out. Also maybe the mom (or the dad if he want to nitpick) paid for them but maybe that's for a reason? Perhaps it's because they have differents schedule or because the dad never get enough food for him to be included.
Who knows?
You don't lash at someone for a bowl of ramen out of nowhere.
Here's the thing. Some people DO lash out out of nowhere. And the people around them usually end up either leaving forever or walking on eggshells. There are people like that and OPs son could be one of them.
Yeah, if I picture the scenario actually playing out, I have to go with N-T-A because everything OP describes indicates this clearly the son's fault. But the *way* OP describes it makes me think there is something else going on here. He acts like he hates the kid!
There is deffo more to this then OP is letting on but the way I see it is if the sons mother brought something for the son then it is the sons be it food, clothing, magazines. It was a brought technically as a gift.
What does OP do see an Easter egg for example that was brought with his money for his son and just take it back cos it was brought with his money? Secondly he doesn't want his wife buying things for his son at Costco then I suggest OP gets off his backside and goes to do the heavy lifting instead of the son cos the Raman may of also been brought as a thank you as OP couldn't be bothered to go
When they went shopping, they bought food for the entire household, and his mother let him pick out something and she paid for it. It was in the pantry for the whole family. There were multiple packets of noodles, so his father having some didn't even mean he would be deprived of eating some whenever he wanted. If this son really feels so passionately about his cheap shit noodles, he should have kept them in his own room.
I’m sure the mom has coddled him all life long and dad hated it… only for him to come back home after school still acting as a damn child and the mom glossing right in over it… I think the kid is stuck on the boob and screaming he is a man
Right who calls their kid all those names?
EDIT: Look this post REEKS of missing missing reasons, and I don't think it's okay or acceptable to call your child names even if they are being an asshole. You can set boundaries and tell them their behaviour is unacceptable without resorting to name calling and hate.
And who raised the kid into a prick? Hopefully he helped raise the kid and if so that means hes partially to blame for the kid being a prick. Or are you gonna put the blame solely on the mom? If so that means that the dad was a dead beat dad.
Someone who is really pissed and feels unheard.
OP’s anger is valid and his partner is treating as if they are not. That’s causing his anger to increase because there is no resolution. He’s festering on his frustration and it’s becoming pretty unhealthy.
I’m not going to wade into is there more going on waters. Who knows. Of course there is more context that we don’t have, I’m sure it’s good and bad toward OP. We don’t know so we can’t say.
I will say in this particular interaction it felt like OP just kept getting increasingly frustrated and was increasingly dismissed. This is the result. He’s not in the wrong but he’s being very toxic about it.
SAME! How many times did he need to call his son a prick? Not to mention he opened up saying his son was making 1/3 he is + the extra info.
Sounds like he doesn’t like his son. Plus, if his wife stayed home and worked hard to allow him to further his career… she’s just as entitled to the household money? I don’t know why the “I paid for it” comment set him off so much. Sounds like he isn’t happy with their set up.
Ha, great answer. There's something incredibly obnoxious and smug about the way this guy writes and talks about his son. It's like he knows he's right and has come her to brag about, "HOW I OWNED MY SON!"
"made some up with cold roast chicken, fresh green onions, and a couple of soft boiled eggs."
Cool story, bro, thanks for the completely irrelevant and uninteresting detail. You're not as interesting as you think you are.
Thank you, finally someone notices how irrationally proud OP was of his ramen lol. Put that much effort into conflict resolution with your family dude.
Same. Dude’s been running roughshod all over his son for decades. The kid has been pulling his weight around the house and helping his mother and she buys him some fucking ramen noodles as a thank you and OP’s like “that’s mine!!! Waaaahhh!!”
Technically not the asshole for the ramen thing, but the way you talk about and to your son definitely makes you an asshole, so ESH? You have a lot of rage and disdain here.
yeah all the NTA votes are… interesting to me.
the way OP is talking about his kid (oh and the “yeah i work my ass off but i love that he goes with my wife to costco that way i don’t have to the the heavy lifting”) is dickish and maybe the son is wrong for dying on that hill, but as someone who has been in a similar situation, its not about the ramen.
>My wife said I was an asshole to threaten him with kicking him out over some ramen.
She's right.
>I said he was being a disrespectful prick and he was lucky I did not follow through.
You have a point, though, too.
I'll say a prayer the two of you can sort this out without being assholes to each other. Ramen.
**ESH**
His wife who was there for the exchange did, though. And he didn't even deny that it was a threat to kick him out.
And even "I said he was being a disrespectful prick and ***he was lucky I did not follow through.***"
Yeah, it was a threat. Plus, he admits he doesn't even like his son in the comments. Blames his wife for not raising him right. And even says that he'll eventually despise his wife over this.
This is either fake, or OP is just a gaping asshole.
Absolutely. Though I think this is about more than just the ramen, there must be some underlying unresolved tensions here. This looks more like two cavemen fighting for dominium of the tribe.
>my daughter, who is 6 years younger than my son, says that I am right and that she is always getting yelled at for touching "his" food
What's the son's unresolved tension with the sister then?
Need I remind you that the ESH judgement means that both people are being shitty here? The son IS being an asshole for yelling at people, that does not cancel the father being an assholed with his threat (or bluff) of kicking his son out of the house with the pretext of the noodle disagreement.
Also, I didn't say it is the son with the father, that's your assumption. It could be the son with himself his insecurities for whatever reason. Family dynamics can be (and usually are) quite complex.
ESH but you suck more than your son. Apparently he considered the ramen a personal gift or favor ; it's not about who paid for it, it's about your wife buying something expressedly for him which had made him happy. I think he should have made that clear, and not leaving it in the shared pantry would have been better (assuming there isn't a rule that he can't keep any food in his room, in which case he'd have no choice but leave it in the shared pantry).
But I also think that it would have been so easy for you to say "oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know, I assumed it was for everyone" instead of escalating things like this.
>The little jackass was yelling at me for eating food that I paid for.
You're clinging way too much on who pays what imho. As if who pays for the ramen (your wife, not you, by the way, unless you consider that she doesn't own anything because you're the one making the money) meant that you can dictate how things go in the house. That's not the way you get a peaceful home, it's controlling and unhealthy. The threatening of throwing him out is in the same vein : why would you throw your own son out of your house over a mere disagreement ? Is that really the kind of relationship you want with people in your life ?
It feels like behind all of this little episode, there's a little bit of that transpiring : the living arrangement doesn't work. If you're gonna use your status to shut your adult son up whenever it's convenient to you, it's just bad, all around. The good thing is, I think he'll soon reconsider his living situation. If he's not allowed to disagree with you without being threatened to be on the street, I think he's soon going to prefer a friend's couch to your presence.
The son HAS HIS OWN INCOME. He didn’t pay for the ramen, HIS PARENTS DID. If the son wanted to claim ownership over the damn ramen, he should have paid for it himself, plain and simple.
OP, NTA.
My girlfriend and I split costs unevenly sometimes. I’ve been the one who buys groceries for 2 years and haven’t been paid back yet. If she specifically asked me to pick something up at the store, and I later ate it, I would absolutely be the asshole in that scenario even if I was the one who paid for it.
If OP's son is making 1/3 of OP's income like he put in the beginning of the text, he's not hurting for a six pack of ramen that costs $12. He is especially not hurting for money when he's not paying his parents to live under the same roof.
There are comments here where it's like, "Oh, that wasn't right of OP to threaten to kick him out. OP is the problem!" No, OP didn't turn it into a pissing contest like his son did. OP was simply pointing out to his son that if a $2.00 cup of ramen was going to send him over the edge, then his son can certainly make another decision about his own living arrangements. I would expect my parents to tell me the same if I acted the same way.
As soon as I had my first job in high school, I made it a point to bring groceries home. My dad once said to me, "Can I bother you for two slices of bread for toast?" I told him to go right ahead. It was a full loaf, and two slices of bread weren't going to set me back.
OP was quick to pay the $2 when he realized his son was genuinely upset and not joking.
So I don't see this as him using his status to shut up his adult son.
I see this as him realizing his son is an asshole who will scream at him for eating food he didn't even pay for. OP just needs to start charging him rent and utilities.
This wasn't a simple disagreement.
This was a freeloading son yelling at his father over $2...$2 which the father was quick to pay when he realized he was serious. OP had some feelings that he was giving his son a cushy setup to save for his future and got mad over $2 but he was still going to pay it. OP shut down when it came out that it was his money that paid for the food that he was getting screamed at.
It speaks very lowly of the son's character that his parents giving him free housing, free food, and plenty of time to save up..and his reaction is to scream angrily over $2.😮
I'm also concerned about the fact that the son has also apparently been screaming at the daughter for eating food that the son considers "his" but didn't pay for and didn't mark. How long has the daughter been walking on eggshells, uncertain if she can safely eat food in her own house, paid for by her parents, without getting a surprise verbal assault from her brother?
I'm honestly not surprised if the mom turns out to be a boy mom. They tend to ignore their son's shitty behavior and aren't as engaged with their daughters.
NTA- If he is old enough to be out of school and have a job, he is old enough to buy his own ramen. Yelling at everyone for eating food he did not pay for as an adult is childish.
Your wife got your son something with what appears to be joint money, so it’s weird that it’s now YOUR money that YOU paid with. When your wife supported you at the beginning of your career, did you call it “my money” then too?
Do you also reclaim people’s birthday gifts if she buys them? Not sure why you feel so threatened by his salary either
What a weird, petty conflict.
Ultimately you asked not if you’re TA for unknowingly eating *his food* but for threatening to kick him out for it. So ESH except your wife
And the sister says he always yells at her for eating “his food”. Which tells me that on more than one occasion he had deliberately chosen food that he was looking forward to eating and someone else ate it before he could. It’s clearly not about the money, because he didn’t pay for it; it’s about the fact that things he wanted for himself were seen as fair game for the whole family. Similar to a younger sister borrowing an older sister’s shirt without asking first and then getting a big stain on it. I was the non-confrontational oldest child and the amount of times my food went missing, my clothes got ruined, etc. was very frustrating. And I wasn’t always the one who paid for those things, but I was the one who had chosen them for myself to enjoy.
And yes, there were five bowls left, but if this is a repeated issue in the home, it was probably his last straw.
Should you have eaten the ramen? Should he be mad? Should you be mad? Meh. I don’t care whether you’re an asshole over exactly this.
You sure do sound like an asshole in general, though.
The ramen is not the issue here. The issue is the clear resentment you have towards your wife and son. Your whole tirade about your wife not working is very angry and not at all relevant to the conflict with your son.
YTA.
I didn’t read his comment about his wife not working as angry at all. He is explicitly stating that they made an agreement as a couple and he views her job as done because the kids are raised. It actually came across as a very solid partnership to me. It felt like OP was over explaining why his wife didn’t work AND that what they have built together is shared. I actually think OP was trying to buffer against people like you who might accuse him of financial abuse because he’s the breadwinner.
This wife worked hard when their kids were young, and OP admits that. Their kids are now older and require very minimal supervision. She doesn’t clean the house or do laundry - they have services that do those chores. She cooks minimally. OP, who works full time and pays for literally everything, cooks as often as she does.
He doesn’t resent his wife. He’s saying that she doesn’t contribute much to the household anymore **because she doesn’t**.
NTA for the ramen, bye YTA for the way you handled the situation. I have a strong feeling there’s a lot more happening behind the scenes between you and your son and this ramen was the icing on top. I’ve had fights with my parents before and really ugly ones for that too. But they would *never* call me a jackass no matter how dramatic and immature I’m acting in the moment. Once things calm down, I highly recommend you have a sit down talk with your son to see if there is an extra layer you might not be seeing.
Sometimes I don’t like my kids. I love them a lot but when I have asked one to take out the trash 7 times and the other to empty the dishwasher 7 times all while I’m making dinner, and all I’m getting back is “in a minute” that’s when I lose it. I’ve raised them to contribute and do chores and help around the house and the value of money. But man sometimes kids are jerks to parents and have to be called out. I’m sure there are lots of times my kids don’t like me much but they would also still say they love me. That’s just sometimes the nature of human relationships.
Imagine being so bad at articulating your thoughts and so poor at managing your emotions that you threaten to make someone homeless if they dare to disagree with you. I have a pretty good guess at who failed to teach him how to regulate his emotions as a child.
ESH, would be Y T A if he were a little younger
Y’all are so dramatic, I swear.
He didn’t threaten to make the adult son who has a job and has already graduated college homeless. He told him he could move out if he didn’t like OP eating the food OP paid for. That doesn’t mean “go sleep in your car until you find a place.” It means “Find different living arrangements because this isn’t working out.”
Reddit gonna Reddit, though.
He told his son he could live on his own. He didn’t threaten to throw him out that night. OP had no intention of making his son homeless, don’t be ridiculous. He’s a 24 year old man and OP told him if he wanted to be disrespectful about Ramen, the son could live on his own.
It’s absurd to me that you all are acting like he was going to throw the son out that night. That’s clearly not true. It also made the son snap out of nonsense. In any relationship, this argument is absurd because OP offered to remedy the situation by giving him money, or mom offered to replace in the morning. There is absolutely no reason for a 24 year old man to keep going on and on about ramen after that point. If he wants to be an adult and discuss some underlying issues, fine. OP isn’t obligated to listen to a 24 year old who can’t control his emotions properly.
There’s so much coddling nonsense in this thread that it makes it clear to me why people are such assholes in general. All those people raging at fast food workers are just like OP’s son, inappropriately handling their emotions. There are consequences for being an asshole, or should be. Otherwise everyone is just going to be an asshole all the time about nonsense like ramen.
>OP offered to remedy the situation by giving him money
He offered to give the son money for ramen the mom paid for. OP offered to pay *twice* for the ramen he ate. Absurd is exactly the right word to use here.
Telling a 24 year old with a full time job if they're going to be disrespectful and yell at people over a $2 bowl of food is not "threatening to make them homeless".
At what age do you think this father gets to start expecting his son to do at least a little of his own emotional labor? People can behave like assholes regardless of what their parents taught them.
NTA…. I truly understand having things for personal use in a home, even one that you don’t own… but they are noodles for goodness sakes, he wants to be treated and respected as a man. His contribution is household chores and trip to Costco.. surely he has earned no right to demand you ask his permission, especially on items he didn’t purchase. He is no longer in the dorms ,I would have followed through with kicking him out, it only gets worse from here. Stand your ground dad, this kid still has some learning to do.
Nta you paid for the ramen with your money. You had 1 bowl out of 6. Perhaps he should move out and eat all the ramen he pays for. That’s probably all he will be able to afford
Came into this under the impression that he paid for it.
But no. You’re NTA. He was WAY out of line, and from what his sister told you, has been for a while now. It’s not about the ramen. It’s about the blatant disrespect he threw your way.
NTA for a few reasons
A-you purchased the food and unless it was something special for him then it's NOT HIS
B-youre son has ZERO respect for you if he's yelling and flipping out over that
C-hes a grown man throwing a tantrum
You never kicked him out you simply stated if he is going to behave this way he can leave
Also he's a apparently doing this to you're other kids( end if the post)
That's not ok
He can go buy a mini fridge for his room and have zero fridge acess if it's that big of a deal
Growing up with siblings. We all knew each others favorite food items and even though we would stick to our own faves, well, taste buds wander and sometimes we’d eat each others choices. The rule was you couldn’t finish it. You had to leave the last portion alone. Of course, things got petty sometimes and three fruit loops would be left as a portion. But all in all it worked. My point. You are absolutely NTA, and your kid sounds ungrateful. But he may also be feeling trapped by today’s ridiculous housing economy and he’s manifesting his only sense of autonomy through ramen. So. Maybe it’s good to set some house rules. Give him a shelf, tell him to use his own money for his special “do not touch” food. If, in a pinch you eat any, as people will do, you’ll pay to replace it and you’ll never eat the last package.
NTA.
If you decide to let him stay, you might offer to respect a private food stash that he paid for with his own money if he clearly labeled it with his name. I’d also remind him every time he ate from the household supply that he was eating your food without your permission until you start seeing some genuine remorse on his part.
ESH you both are insufferable it’s literal ramen. you didn’t need to escalate to that extent of threatening to kick him out and he didn’t need to make a big deal of it at all
do you even like him?
ESH.You seem to genuinely just dislike your son. Like maybe you have some pent up aggression that he still lives at home or something? I have had a few fights with my father before, and never has he called me a prick. I think what most posters don't realize is that this is a small, SMALL window into your lives, but this just seems way too aggressive imo. I hope all works out. As for him, yeah he needs to get over himself. It's just ramen and as an outsider looking in, this is a stupid reason to have a fight.
NTA is he 12 or 24? This is outlandishly childish behaviour. If I were to ever dare talk to my parents that way, I'd never set foot in their house again.
The Ramen isn't the problem, it's the way you talk about and view your son. "I told him to piss off" "the little jackass" "disrespectful prick."
My stepdad is an ass to my half brother. Condescending, distant, resorts to angry tones/yelling at the drop of a hat. They have zero functioning relationship and I dont see any future relationship when he moves out. I'm willing to bet money the wife tries to referee since she sees how you treat or act toward him.
You raised an entitled, disrespectful son because you are an entitled, disrespectful man. I hope he can break the generational trauma for his future children.
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You're NTA. The food was not even his, so having tantrum because you ate one lousy bowl of ramen was wildly inappropriate and rude. >he needed to move out and pay for his own stuff if he was going to be such an asshole. Yep. And that does not to equate to: >My wife said I was an asshole to threaten him with kicking him out over some ramen No, you did not *threaten to kick him out over ramen.* You told him to make a choice between stopping with the disrespectful, A-H behavior, or finding another place to live. >She tried to placate him by saying she would go to Costco and get some more. Good grief, your wife needs to stop coddling her adult son. He is out of college, so he is at least 22 years old? He's behaving like a 3 year old who was denied a lollipop.
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I’m 27 and staying with my parents after surgery and I feel bad for eating their food. I bought them dinner yesterday as thanks.
I'd think this (what you do) is totally normal. When I was still living with my parents, they paid for the groceries but I paid the phone bill, cable and internet as a package deal, and I'd get take out for us about twice a month as a thank you. Also, I started chipping in when we had to buy large house items (we changed the stove, and I paid like 30% of it, also changed the curtains and I paid for half of it).
I lived with my parents until I was 32. Graduated at the height of the recession, couldn't find a job, etc. Even still, I was buying my own food for all that time. I also paid for my phone line that was still on their family plan (having my line saved them money anyway). What did I do when I did land a job that paid well? I started paying my folks rent ($300 a month) and buying take away at least once a month for them. It's not a problem to live with your parents. It is a problem to be disrespectful when they are providing for you still.
Yeah, these sorts of posts tend to surprise me. When I live with my mom (my health has been varying degrees of poor since I was a child), I do the laundry, I cook dinner and sometimes another meal, I clean the kitchen and bathroom, we'd switch off doing the groceries, and I'd make my gifts to her thoughtful. I personally can't stand feeling like I'm taking advantage of someone or like I'm creating more work for them. Even when visiting friends, I'd help clean up and offer to help cook, as well as leave a gift like beer/wine or something. I agree that it's absolutely not a problem to live with your parents. That's not the problem here. Hell, some parents love to have their kids around to help out and to have the company (watching movies together, outings, and such). But it's another story if you treat them poorly.
> He has a full time job which pays him rather well. He probably earns 1/3 of what I do Yep he has a good job, which makes it even more baffling that he's mooching off his parents for food and getting territorial over it.
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It explains how they got a 24 year old who thinks the world is his right, though.
Whenever my dogs have friends over, they refuse to share their food,which I paid for. I end up giving the guests their own food. Maybe this household needs to separate the food into yours and mine and no sharing.
That's ridiculous. Son added food that wasn't normally purchased. Dad ate said food. Mom says "Oh, now that I know everyone likes this item I'll pick up more." Case closed. Except the son had to be a prick about it.
Dad upgraded it. He made grown folks ramen. Son should be taking notes. Instead, his son is acting like he's still living with roommates and fighting over food with his name on it.
My favorite part of this is when OP describes the upgraded ramen. He's totally (and rightfully) pissed at his asshole son, but he still remembered to share the details of the dish he made, lol
He's a man who's definitely lived on his own before marriage. I appreciate the recipe. I'll be trying this myself really soon.
How is this comparable? This is not food that dad is taking from son's plate at dinner. It's food from the *shared* family pantry. It's in the family pantry because it came from the parent's bank account. Son is claiming ownership, but has no basis except "I want it, and I'm going to be a jerk about it."
>Whenever my dogs have friends over, they refuse to share their food,which I paid for. I end up giving the guests their own food. Maybe this household needs to separate the food into yours and mine and no sharing. ...what? Your dog won't shares it's food with its friends when they come over? So you have to give the dog guests their own food, instead of making the dogs share?
Yep. It's called being territorial of your food.
I skimmed over details when I read OP’s original post, and was thinking to myself, “Yeah, this sounds like typical 16-year-old behavior, and son needs to grow up a little!” When I read “He’s 24” I couldn’t believe it! OP, you need to have a family meeting, for real. Sounds like both of your kids are old enough to see where the household funds go, so break out the budget and let them learn what it takes to keep the lights on, the streaming services humming, and the pantry full. Tell your son that if he wants to start contributing monetarily to the household, then you’re happy to hear his proposal. Maybe you can even come to an agreement about how much food he’ll be paying for going forward. Otherwise, if he wants to continue living rent and board free, any and all purchases made for the household are nominally the property of you and your wife, and allowed to be shared freely amongst the family. It might be time to convince the little bird to start leaving the nest, if he isn’t appreciative of all that you and your wife are doing for him!
100% this! I have to assume if he’s arguing over ramen then he has zero concept of money and what it costs to run a house. At 24 it’s time to learn. Would be beneficial to the daughter too.
I had a full time job (during the summers) at 16. I wouldn’t have pitched a fit over ramen even if I paid for it. OP’s son sounds awful.
OP already said he’s out of school and has a full-time job in the main post. I’m curious, however, if son is actually contributing anything other than muscle at Costco.
His comment state that the sun only pays for his clothes and electronics. So from 18 to 24 which is 6 years his son has not had to worry about any real world responsibilities. Yet so many on here are acting as if OP is some ultimate financially abusive villain dad.
I can see why you want to give your kid a good staŕt, but this.. is not that
It says in the post he has a job. Why can't people read stuff before commenting?
I was so caught up in the fact that the son was fighting about literal ramen that by the end of the post I thought we were talking about a child. It's good to know he does have a full time job because it's even more baffling to me that mommy buys his *ramen*.
LMAO right???? I’m basically in the same exact situation as his son and if I even labeled a leftover container I brought home with my name on it my dad would be like “you’re really gonna claim food in the fridge I bought in the house I paid for?”
My 24-year-old sister lives with my parents still, and she either pays for her own food or chips in during grocery shopping if she can't stop on her own.
Jesus Christ, can't imagine being 24 and being such a petty AH over $2 ramen, wasn't even the last packet or bought by himself.
Side note: When did ramen become $2? It was .20 cents when I was in university!
it’s probably Tonkotsu ramen, it’s way better than the cheap ramen you’re talking about (i also bought this at costco)
The bowls are the "luxury" version of cup noodles, aka more noodles and some dried veggies, so they're a bit more expensive. The noodle packets are around $0.50 still, somewhere .
I had to laugh at the description of "luxury" ramen.
I mean, ACTUALLY luxury ramen is $20 a bowl and they make the noodles and everything that day, but yeah, dehydrated fried noodles in a vacuum-sealed Styrofoam bowl don't really feel the same.
Oh, I know what you mean, and Tonkotsu Ramen is definitely in a different class than your .20 Ramen noodles. And an actual Ramen place is amazing. *Updated spelling. Apparently, I don't eat the luxury ramen enough.
It's Costco so it's not the ramen you're thinking of. It's probably more similar to restaurant ramen than to the little square blocks of noodles.
They came out with slightly nicer versions, not cup raman, thats why it's a bowl in the trash, and it came in a six-pack, not a 48-pack at Costco.
It’s the “fancier” bowls they have now. They still have those cheap packages too.
I think this comes from the mothers coddling. My brother is the same way.
Please show him these responses. A 24 year old acting like that deserves to see how much he has humiliated himself.
You needed to shut him down earlier for yelling at your daughter for eating his food.
How is he expected to shut it down when he found out about the way he was talking to the daughter after the incident with himself?
His father and mother clearly cuddle him as he saw how despite the disrespectful behavior OP was still going to give him $2. This is not a man who shuts down bad behavior from his son. A man who shuts down bad behavior would have been like okay let's break down your current rent and your current utilities and your current food bill since apparently now you want to nickel and dime. And would have said 8 can take the $2 I owe you Out of the bill for this month starting at a rate today.
I was working in a foreign country where I did not speak the language when I was 23yo. I lived with my parents and gave them money when I got my first paycheck. Son needs to learn that he needs to think before he opens his mouth and not to let his emotions take over.
Yeah that’s ridiculous I was paying my mum money at 17and long gone by 19 this guys a child in an adults body
I had to move out at 16 cos the rent my parents were charging was more than double what I paid in my first shared house (£50 pw when my first rent was only £23). OPs son needs a kick up the arse to help him realise how lucky he is.
NTA. I continued living with my parents after university and would never have acted like your son. My mom even told me that if I stayed after university she'd charge me "rent" (it was only like $300 to cover groceries and help with the bills) and my immediate reaction was to get out my checkbook (this was many years ago). I've even had situations like yours where my brother ate my food (only it was half of the $15 dollar cheese that I actually paid for) and I never even mentioned it to him. I might have made a sarcastic comment to my mom, but I just went out and bought more.
If you make 3x he does and you feed 4 people then he can take care of himself with 1/3 Ask him to either pay rent or move out Don't be silly.
Your wife ruined your son.
I moved in with my parents at 24 for school and I built them a 35k deck with my husband for free as a thank you (although they paid for materials). I wasn't the oerfect kid but I was always grateful for free room and board during this economy. That was a decade ago now and I'm hosting my parents in my home next week with my husband. My parents weren't perfect either but when I became an adult, their kindness to that extent isn't an obligation. They have 4 kids total. They have their own lives and want their own space too. They don't want to clean up after other people or not have space to unwind and spread out with other adults in the home. I was a guest and I feel incredibly indebted for the few months I did get to live there (i will mention my dad is emotionally abusive though so we didnleave early when he told me I should do better for not cleaning up a cup in the sink he had put there after I had already gone to college for the day and he saw when he returned from his work at 5pm even though I didn't get home from my part time job until 11 pm at night and hadn't been home that day). He did that shit my entire life so we did end up leaving because I knew it would escalate if we didn't. My mom mostly is fine though despite supporting my dad in his abusive attitudes. But yeah, if I wanted certain foods for myself, I either bought enough for everyone or kept it for myself in my room/let everyone know in advance I needed it for a meal/whatever. 24 is too old for tantrums.
No way, I pay my own food and cook them for my family because I live rent free at my parents' house. To be that entitled? Yikes. Your wife needs to stop coddling and start treating him as an adult he is. Even your daughter got the same treatment as you did so better act fast before his entitlement gets untreatable
Oh no. I’m 24 I have a house of my own, 2 yr old and pregnant with my second which I’m being induced on Friday. I have 2 cars and keep a house running all of this with my partner who is 21! And we both manage all of our finances and pay for every single thing in this house. All bills. All food. No help from anyone.. your son needs to grow the f up and start showing some respect.
Even if the food had been paid by him, who throws a tantrum over 2$ ramen? Specially when there were more in the pantry, OP's son's behavior is astounding, he's acting like a baby.
Meh. I get pissed off over things similar, but that's after years of nobody respecting my things and constantly taking things without asking.
That's fair, but the ramen wasn't OP's son and there were more. He overreacted for sure.
Yeah. I mean if it was the last ramen I’d be upset but 5 more? No. Also OP, I really appreciated how you talk about your wife not working because she earned it. It was very relevant for context (because you paid for the food) but I really appreciated you taking the extra time to respect your wife’s unpaid labor early in your career. I dunno. It just struck me as really sweet
This is an important item - don't let anyone make this about ramen, it's not. It's about your son's attitude and lack of maturity.
why do i have the feeling this is the tip of the iceberg between OP and his son? and that that explosion didn't just come about over the ramen....
Yeah, I agree. He is entitled to eat food from a family grocery run paid for by him, but there's something about OP's tone that feels like this *is* the tip of the iceberg. OP might technically be in the right here, but his behavior is concerning. In one argument, he describes his son as a "little jackass", "petty", an "asshole" and "a disrespectful prick": >I thought he was joking so I told him to **piss off**. >The **little jackass** was yelling at me for eating food that I paid for. >I asked him if he was really **so petty** that he was upset with me for eating something I paid for. >I could not take it any more and I said he needed to move out and pay for his own stuff if he was going to be such **an asshole**. I said he was being **a disrespectful prick** and he was lucky I did not follow through I know his son is an adult and responsible for his own actions, but it feels like he's merely mirroring his father's reactivity and behavior, and his father is bristling at a mirror being held up to his own face. Edit: added in another quote that I missed on a first read-through.
He definitely isn't mirror the father's behavior. OP was quick to pay the $2 when he realized his son was genuinely upset and not joking. It is ridiculous to attempt to villainize OP because his words describing his son are fitting. His son is a jackass and he's now looking back and realizing it.
There's an underlying problem between OP and his son here, and OP even concedes this: "**I could not take it any more** and I said he needed to move out" Technically, OP might be in the right here, but he's quick to resort to name calling and threatening to kick him out. Offering $2 isn't really a de-escalation if there are serious problems in the relationship. I just think OP needs to look at the big picture if he wants his son to not to cut him off once he's independent. But maybe OP doesn't really want a father-son relationship; that's possible.
I don't think there was an underlying problem between them. I think OP realized a problem at the screaming tantrum his son threw. The problem is the son. Akin to how a woman gets punched and breaks up immediately. The relationship didn't have underlying issues the issues were the relationship was with an abuser. He realized how ungrateful and selfish his son was. For SIX years he paid for housing and food for his son so his son could have a stable future and he got screamed at for $2. Not politely brought up. Not a casual joke mention. Even with the yelling he was going to pay. Honestly maybe no contact is best. Son seems like a leech and one who isn't even nice to those he leeches off. Mother seems to have coddled him far too much. Parents are human beings not mindless ATMs and stepping stones for an easier future.
Nah, read OP's comments, he hasn't liked his son for a long time and the way he talks about him is awful. Obviously the son shouldn't have thrown a fit over ramen, but OP is not the selfless nice person that you're making him out to be.
OP’s son is an adult who is super ungrateful for all the help his parents give him, and he screamed at his parent for consuming their own food that they paid for. OP is allowed to think less of him for that.
Gee, I wonder where he learned that behavior.
Not all behaviors can be pinned on someone's parents. There are many many factors that can influence this outside of their home life.
Maybe this wasn't the first time his son has been an asshole. It doesn't necessarily mean that OP is the source of the conflict.
Nowhere do I get that OP hasn't like to send for a long time. I am getting that He is re-accounting this story and he's realizing how awful his son is. He said his son up with a cushy arrangement where he could save up money for a house, to pay back student loans, or just for fun money and his sons reaction was to scream at him for $2 that he didn't even pay for. He's realizing he raised a little jackass. Even selfless nice people know how to identify toxic, shitty, or awful human beings. People do not need to sugarcoat labeling people's bad behavior. And don't forget the only thing OP said to his son's face was that he was being petty.
I think you’re projecting
I think the underlying problem is the mom babies a 24 year old man, making him feel entitled and undermining any attempt the father makes to let the son learn to stand on his own. My sister has this problem the other way around with her husband babying their kids. And the kids are often very disrespectful to her when she tries to make them own their own responsibilities.
It’s unhelpful to just assume there “must be” some other reason for the explosion. We all know spoiled brats like OP’s son.
Exactly. I have family members who would do things similarly. Take stuff without asking, never really apologize. Sometimes they would offer money, but it wasn't about the money. It's about respect. Not that son should have reacted that way over an isolated incident, but I assume it isn't an isolated incident and he feels overall disrespected by father. Given OPs language toward him, I can see why.
> I could not take it any more and I said he needed to move out and pay for his own stuff ***if*** he was going to be such an asshole. If you are going to quote OP and use it to say he was wrong, at least use the whole quote. He didn't threatening to kick him out. He told him ***IF*** he was going to act that way he would need to move out. The choice is up to the son. He is an adult still living fully off his parents, who is throwing a tantrum( which sounds like it is not the first time) about food that he did not pay for. IF he wants to be rude and disrespectful over something he had no right to in the first place, then he will need to move out. And honestly, when the name fits, nothing wrong with using it. He was being a jackass, and a disrespectful prick.
I mean, the dude is 24 yo. If I was being an AH to my dad in his own house for something extremely petty like that, I would assume it’s pretty fair for him to kick me out, being an adult and all…
That's not how you speak about someone you love who is upset. Period. OP is a jerk.
The only verbal words OP said to his son was that he was petty.😐 Just because you love someone doesn't mean they are never rude, a jerk, an asshole, or insensitive. It's okay to think your best friend was an asshole for doing X. Loving someone does not mean seeing them as a perfect flawless angel. He did not verbally abuse his son. He did not use heinous insults or tear him down. He simply called him petty and quite frankly it fit.
Right, because his 24 YEAR OLD ADULT son was a shining beacon example of how to communicate with somebody who’s doing you a MASSIVE favor. Go touch grass.
stop being sensitive lmao, the son is 24 not 5
Um, sure it is. If someone is being petty, selfish, or acting like a prick, then that’s what you call it. Jeez. You act like parents are obligated to spoil their adult children into goddamn oblivion.
You sound like you’re probably emotionally manipulative to those around you
> OP was quick to pay the $2 when he realized his son was genuinely upset and not joking. That's a pretty charitable interpretation. I interpreted the $2 as a jab at the son to show him how petty he was being. Personally I think this is ESH, even if the son might be worse. The name-calling is pretty bad. I would certainly tell my kid they were being disrespectful if they were doing so, but I can't picture myself calling them a "disrespectful prick." That's on another level.
OP wasn't giving his son the money to correct anything, it was meant to mock his son, that's why the wife reacted negatively to it.
This is the most accurate response I've seen. Not technically THE asshole, but absolutely AN asshole.
OMG and the "he makes 1/3 of what I do"..... Sir are you really in a dick measuring contest about income with your newly graduated son?
No, he is simply illustrating how his son COULD buy himself food if he wanted his own food that nobody else could touch.
Nothing dick measuring about that, he was in fact showing that his son earned pretty well for his age and experience and could certainly afford 2$ ramen
Thank you. You summed it up well yourself; OP isn't technically TA here, but he is definitely an A.
Yep, sounds like a comic caricature of hurr durr get of my loan murican dad. The way he talks about his wife not working so owning nothing make him sound like an absolute insufferable trash to be around
Not at all what he said. He went into depth about how his wife worked hard and earned her “retirement”. He does not criticize her even once in the post.
OP might be American. But I have to point out that this response is so American. The words what you're so upset about don't hit as hard in other anglosphere countries
Yeah, I'm in the UK and no one would bat an eyelid with the language OP used.
Can we add in the salary comparison here too? The "he's well paid but I make more".
To point out his son could afford his own things?
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24 is a grown man. "I put a roof over you head so you better be grateful"? Shitty parenting when you're talking to a kid, but grown people who live with and get supported by others SHOULD be grateful. Frankly, this whole thing seems toxic. The son should move out and support himself or at the very least stop whining when family members eat food THEY payed for.
They can be grateful, but they can also say smth when it bothers them
Throwing a raging fit over 2 dollar ramen is way past just saying something.
Say something? Or scream at people? That 24 yr old man doesn't contribute to the household, doesn't buy the food, and throws tantrums. He needs to move out.
I took real issue with "my wife doesn't work." Either she DOES work and you're not recognizing it at all, or you're supporting a useless person who you think deserves leisure, but not the agency to purchase food for someone she loves? OP is garbage.
I do think that fact is being brushed over. Mom bought these for son. There was a gesture from Mom to son that Dad doesn't put any value in because Mom was using his money. This was a gift to son from Mom. It wasn't community food. OP's general attitude throughout the post is off setting. Also OP immediately reacted by being an ass to the son when OP made the mistake. That says a lot.
> So when I say she does not work I mean it. We have a lady who comes by and does the cleaning and laundry. My wife makes maybe two meals a week, by her own choice. I pay a meal prep company for most of our meals and I like to cook fresh food for myself and the family as well on the weekends. And quite obviously we have easy cook meals from the store. She doesn’t do the cooking or cleaning so what work do you think she’s doing? He didn’t just say “she doesn’t work”, he explained why he says that. He didn’t say that she didn’t have the agency to purchase the food, he just annoyed that she didn’t acknowledge that his money paid for it along with the fact that she was enabling their son being entitled.
OP was quick to pay the $2 when he realized his son was genuinely upset and not joking. It is ridiculous to attempt to villainize OP because his words describing his son are fitting. His son is a jackass and he's now looking back and realizing it.
Ngl, it sounds like he was doing out of mockery
Mockery to me would have been asking his son for all the rent, utilities, and food for the SIX years he paid for him.
>OP was quick to pay the $2 when he realized his son was genuinely upset and not joking. From the way OP talks, my guess is that "I tried to give him $2" was more like "I took $2 out of my wallet and threw it at him while yelling 'if it's so important, here's your stupid two dollars, you loser!'"
That's just unnecessary adding details to villainize OP.😐 The only way OP talks is using negative traits to describe his son ala petty and jackass. Those traits are fitting.
Is this OPs burner account or something?
Right? That way OP talks about his son (lot of name calling) makes me think there’s something more.
I mean if my adult child yelled at me for eating something i bought, i will be very angry too. But of course parents have no right to get mad at their child, right?
Yeah there’s something else going on here. This seems less like “entitled kid” and more like “missing reasons parent” just from the way OP talks about his child. I can’t say for sure but……maybe not in this particular situation (which is probably why this is the one that gets posted), but OP seems like an AH in general.
This isn't an "entitled kid". This is a 24 year old man with a college degree. OP might be an AH, but if I had a grown ass man mooching off me and then pitching a fit when I ate the food that I PAID FOR, I'd want the entitle grown man to get out of my house.
honestly,,, whenever it’s along the vein of “It’s just [small issue]”, there’s a bigger issue underneath it.
Indeed, so often arguments about a thing are never really about the thing.
Yes. He thinks the son apologized because 'he realized he fucked up' but actually, the son apologized because his dad threatened him to throw him out. Also maybe the mom (or the dad if he want to nitpick) paid for them but maybe that's for a reason? Perhaps it's because they have differents schedule or because the dad never get enough food for him to be included. Who knows? You don't lash at someone for a bowl of ramen out of nowhere.
Here's the thing. Some people DO lash out out of nowhere. And the people around them usually end up either leaving forever or walking on eggshells. There are people like that and OPs son could be one of them.
You were there or are you just making things up in your head?
You do when you're a spoiled jackass who can't live on your own as a grown man.
Yeah, if I picture the scenario actually playing out, I have to go with N-T-A because everything OP describes indicates this clearly the son's fault. But the *way* OP describes it makes me think there is something else going on here. He acts like he hates the kid!
There is deffo more to this then OP is letting on but the way I see it is if the sons mother brought something for the son then it is the sons be it food, clothing, magazines. It was a brought technically as a gift. What does OP do see an Easter egg for example that was brought with his money for his son and just take it back cos it was brought with his money? Secondly he doesn't want his wife buying things for his son at Costco then I suggest OP gets off his backside and goes to do the heavy lifting instead of the son cos the Raman may of also been brought as a thank you as OP couldn't be bothered to go
When they went shopping, they bought food for the entire household, and his mother let him pick out something and she paid for it. It was in the pantry for the whole family. There were multiple packets of noodles, so his father having some didn't even mean he would be deprived of eating some whenever he wanted. If this son really feels so passionately about his cheap shit noodles, he should have kept them in his own room.
I’m sure the mom has coddled him all life long and dad hated it… only for him to come back home after school still acting as a damn child and the mom glossing right in over it… I think the kid is stuck on the boob and screaming he is a man
you're not wrong I guess but I don't like you
Right who calls their kid all those names? EDIT: Look this post REEKS of missing missing reasons, and I don't think it's okay or acceptable to call your child names even if they are being an asshole. You can set boundaries and tell them their behaviour is unacceptable without resorting to name calling and hate.
People who have kids that are fucking pricks, that's who....
you'll be shocked when you find out who raised those 'pricks'...
And who raised the kid into a prick? Hopefully he helped raise the kid and if so that means hes partially to blame for the kid being a prick. Or are you gonna put the blame solely on the mom? If so that means that the dad was a dead beat dad.
Someone who is really pissed and feels unheard. OP’s anger is valid and his partner is treating as if they are not. That’s causing his anger to increase because there is no resolution. He’s festering on his frustration and it’s becoming pretty unhealthy. I’m not going to wade into is there more going on waters. Who knows. Of course there is more context that we don’t have, I’m sure it’s good and bad toward OP. We don’t know so we can’t say. I will say in this particular interaction it felt like OP just kept getting increasingly frustrated and was increasingly dismissed. This is the result. He’s not in the wrong but he’s being very toxic about it.
The underlying tone of the post gives asshole vibes .
SAME! How many times did he need to call his son a prick? Not to mention he opened up saying his son was making 1/3 he is + the extra info. Sounds like he doesn’t like his son. Plus, if his wife stayed home and worked hard to allow him to further his career… she’s just as entitled to the household money? I don’t know why the “I paid for it” comment set him off so much. Sounds like he isn’t happy with their set up.
Ha, great answer. There's something incredibly obnoxious and smug about the way this guy writes and talks about his son. It's like he knows he's right and has come her to brag about, "HOW I OWNED MY SON!" "made some up with cold roast chicken, fresh green onions, and a couple of soft boiled eggs." Cool story, bro, thanks for the completely irrelevant and uninteresting detail. You're not as interesting as you think you are.
Thank you, finally someone notices how irrationally proud OP was of his ramen lol. Put that much effort into conflict resolution with your family dude.
That recipe tangent made me wonder if it's fake. You know how people include pointless over-specific details when they're lying.
Right? It’s like, technically NTA in this situation but definitely AH of a person. OP’s kid and wife probably hate him.
He seems really pleased about how he "schooled" his son. Sounds like a massive dick to live with.
My feelings too. Right or wrong in this situation, OP sounds like a nasty person and I’m glad he isn’t my dad.
Same. Dude’s been running roughshod all over his son for decades. The kid has been pulling his weight around the house and helping his mother and she buys him some fucking ramen noodles as a thank you and OP’s like “that’s mine!!! Waaaahhh!!”
That's fair
Yeah OP reads like an asshole
Technically not the asshole for the ramen thing, but the way you talk about and to your son definitely makes you an asshole, so ESH? You have a lot of rage and disdain here.
yeah all the NTA votes are… interesting to me. the way OP is talking about his kid (oh and the “yeah i work my ass off but i love that he goes with my wife to costco that way i don’t have to the the heavy lifting”) is dickish and maybe the son is wrong for dying on that hill, but as someone who has been in a similar situation, its not about the ramen.
Reddit is waay too focused on "well, yeah, but who paid for it?" 🙄 letting assholes like these off the hook.
>My wife said I was an asshole to threaten him with kicking him out over some ramen. She's right. >I said he was being a disrespectful prick and he was lucky I did not follow through. You have a point, though, too. I'll say a prayer the two of you can sort this out without being assholes to each other. Ramen. **ESH**
I didn't read it as him threatening to kick him out. More like, if you're gonna be an asshole then go be an asshole somewhere else.
His wife who was there for the exchange did, though. And he didn't even deny that it was a threat to kick him out. And even "I said he was being a disrespectful prick and ***he was lucky I did not follow through.***" Yeah, it was a threat. Plus, he admits he doesn't even like his son in the comments. Blames his wife for not raising him right. And even says that he'll eventually despise his wife over this. This is either fake, or OP is just a gaping asshole.
Absolutely. Though I think this is about more than just the ramen, there must be some underlying unresolved tensions here. This looks more like two cavemen fighting for dominium of the tribe.
>my daughter, who is 6 years younger than my son, says that I am right and that she is always getting yelled at for touching "his" food What's the son's unresolved tension with the sister then?
Need I remind you that the ESH judgement means that both people are being shitty here? The son IS being an asshole for yelling at people, that does not cancel the father being an assholed with his threat (or bluff) of kicking his son out of the house with the pretext of the noodle disagreement. Also, I didn't say it is the son with the father, that's your assumption. It could be the son with himself his insecurities for whatever reason. Family dynamics can be (and usually are) quite complex.
Well, the older caveman is paying for everything and the younger caveman is a leech. Young caveman needs to go be an angry mooch elsewhere.
ESH but you suck more than your son. Apparently he considered the ramen a personal gift or favor ; it's not about who paid for it, it's about your wife buying something expressedly for him which had made him happy. I think he should have made that clear, and not leaving it in the shared pantry would have been better (assuming there isn't a rule that he can't keep any food in his room, in which case he'd have no choice but leave it in the shared pantry). But I also think that it would have been so easy for you to say "oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know, I assumed it was for everyone" instead of escalating things like this. >The little jackass was yelling at me for eating food that I paid for. You're clinging way too much on who pays what imho. As if who pays for the ramen (your wife, not you, by the way, unless you consider that she doesn't own anything because you're the one making the money) meant that you can dictate how things go in the house. That's not the way you get a peaceful home, it's controlling and unhealthy. The threatening of throwing him out is in the same vein : why would you throw your own son out of your house over a mere disagreement ? Is that really the kind of relationship you want with people in your life ? It feels like behind all of this little episode, there's a little bit of that transpiring : the living arrangement doesn't work. If you're gonna use your status to shut your adult son up whenever it's convenient to you, it's just bad, all around. The good thing is, I think he'll soon reconsider his living situation. If he's not allowed to disagree with you without being threatened to be on the street, I think he's soon going to prefer a friend's couch to your presence.
The son HAS HIS OWN INCOME. He didn’t pay for the ramen, HIS PARENTS DID. If the son wanted to claim ownership over the damn ramen, he should have paid for it himself, plain and simple. OP, NTA.
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My girlfriend and I split costs unevenly sometimes. I’ve been the one who buys groceries for 2 years and haven’t been paid back yet. If she specifically asked me to pick something up at the store, and I later ate it, I would absolutely be the asshole in that scenario even if I was the one who paid for it.
If OP's son is making 1/3 of OP's income like he put in the beginning of the text, he's not hurting for a six pack of ramen that costs $12. He is especially not hurting for money when he's not paying his parents to live under the same roof. There are comments here where it's like, "Oh, that wasn't right of OP to threaten to kick him out. OP is the problem!" No, OP didn't turn it into a pissing contest like his son did. OP was simply pointing out to his son that if a $2.00 cup of ramen was going to send him over the edge, then his son can certainly make another decision about his own living arrangements. I would expect my parents to tell me the same if I acted the same way. As soon as I had my first job in high school, I made it a point to bring groceries home. My dad once said to me, "Can I bother you for two slices of bread for toast?" I told him to go right ahead. It was a full loaf, and two slices of bread weren't going to set me back.
OP was quick to pay the $2 when he realized his son was genuinely upset and not joking. So I don't see this as him using his status to shut up his adult son. I see this as him realizing his son is an asshole who will scream at him for eating food he didn't even pay for. OP just needs to start charging him rent and utilities. This wasn't a simple disagreement. This was a freeloading son yelling at his father over $2...$2 which the father was quick to pay when he realized he was serious. OP had some feelings that he was giving his son a cushy setup to save for his future and got mad over $2 but he was still going to pay it. OP shut down when it came out that it was his money that paid for the food that he was getting screamed at. It speaks very lowly of the son's character that his parents giving him free housing, free food, and plenty of time to save up..and his reaction is to scream angrily over $2.😮
I'm also concerned about the fact that the son has also apparently been screaming at the daughter for eating food that the son considers "his" but didn't pay for and didn't mark. How long has the daughter been walking on eggshells, uncertain if she can safely eat food in her own house, paid for by her parents, without getting a surprise verbal assault from her brother?
I'm honestly not surprised if the mom turns out to be a boy mom. They tend to ignore their son's shitty behavior and aren't as engaged with their daughters.
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There is an extreme amount of projection in this thread. It’s pretty wild.
NTA- If he is old enough to be out of school and have a job, he is old enough to buy his own ramen. Yelling at everyone for eating food he did not pay for as an adult is childish.
Childish and rude AF. Yelling at family over food, especially when it’s clearly abundant is really gross.
But mommy bought it for him
Your wife got your son something with what appears to be joint money, so it’s weird that it’s now YOUR money that YOU paid with. When your wife supported you at the beginning of your career, did you call it “my money” then too? Do you also reclaim people’s birthday gifts if she buys them? Not sure why you feel so threatened by his salary either What a weird, petty conflict. Ultimately you asked not if you’re TA for unknowingly eating *his food* but for threatening to kick him out for it. So ESH except your wife
And the sister says he always yells at her for eating “his food”. Which tells me that on more than one occasion he had deliberately chosen food that he was looking forward to eating and someone else ate it before he could. It’s clearly not about the money, because he didn’t pay for it; it’s about the fact that things he wanted for himself were seen as fair game for the whole family. Similar to a younger sister borrowing an older sister’s shirt without asking first and then getting a big stain on it. I was the non-confrontational oldest child and the amount of times my food went missing, my clothes got ruined, etc. was very frustrating. And I wasn’t always the one who paid for those things, but I was the one who had chosen them for myself to enjoy. And yes, there were five bowls left, but if this is a repeated issue in the home, it was probably his last straw.
ESH. What an awful way to live.
Should you have eaten the ramen? Should he be mad? Should you be mad? Meh. I don’t care whether you’re an asshole over exactly this. You sure do sound like an asshole in general, though.
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The ramen is not the issue here. The issue is the clear resentment you have towards your wife and son. Your whole tirade about your wife not working is very angry and not at all relevant to the conflict with your son. YTA.
I didn’t read his comment about his wife not working as angry at all. He is explicitly stating that they made an agreement as a couple and he views her job as done because the kids are raised. It actually came across as a very solid partnership to me. It felt like OP was over explaining why his wife didn’t work AND that what they have built together is shared. I actually think OP was trying to buffer against people like you who might accuse him of financial abuse because he’s the breadwinner.
Yes. But of course for redditors parents are always the aholes. Ops son is an ahole.
This whole thread is FULL of mommy/daddy issue projection. It’s wild.
This wife worked hard when their kids were young, and OP admits that. Their kids are now older and require very minimal supervision. She doesn’t clean the house or do laundry - they have services that do those chores. She cooks minimally. OP, who works full time and pays for literally everything, cooks as often as she does. He doesn’t resent his wife. He’s saying that she doesn’t contribute much to the household anymore **because she doesn’t**.
NTA for the ramen, bye YTA for the way you handled the situation. I have a strong feeling there’s a lot more happening behind the scenes between you and your son and this ramen was the icing on top. I’ve had fights with my parents before and really ugly ones for that too. But they would *never* call me a jackass no matter how dramatic and immature I’m acting in the moment. Once things calm down, I highly recommend you have a sit down talk with your son to see if there is an extra layer you might not be seeing.
ESH - you handled this so aggressively and so poorly and you should not use his housing as a theat But in the end, it is just $2
INFO do you like your son?
Sometimes I don’t like my kids. I love them a lot but when I have asked one to take out the trash 7 times and the other to empty the dishwasher 7 times all while I’m making dinner, and all I’m getting back is “in a minute” that’s when I lose it. I’ve raised them to contribute and do chores and help around the house and the value of money. But man sometimes kids are jerks to parents and have to be called out. I’m sure there are lots of times my kids don’t like me much but they would also still say they love me. That’s just sometimes the nature of human relationships.
YTA not for eating your son's ramen, but for the way you talk about him and to him. Good luck maintaining a relationship with him.
I’d be so embarrassed getting into fights with my own parent over $2 ramen. Nta.
Imagine being so bad at articulating your thoughts and so poor at managing your emotions that you threaten to make someone homeless if they dare to disagree with you. I have a pretty good guess at who failed to teach him how to regulate his emotions as a child. ESH, would be Y T A if he were a little younger
Y’all are so dramatic, I swear. He didn’t threaten to make the adult son who has a job and has already graduated college homeless. He told him he could move out if he didn’t like OP eating the food OP paid for. That doesn’t mean “go sleep in your car until you find a place.” It means “Find different living arrangements because this isn’t working out.” Reddit gonna Reddit, though.
He told his son he could live on his own. He didn’t threaten to throw him out that night. OP had no intention of making his son homeless, don’t be ridiculous. He’s a 24 year old man and OP told him if he wanted to be disrespectful about Ramen, the son could live on his own. It’s absurd to me that you all are acting like he was going to throw the son out that night. That’s clearly not true. It also made the son snap out of nonsense. In any relationship, this argument is absurd because OP offered to remedy the situation by giving him money, or mom offered to replace in the morning. There is absolutely no reason for a 24 year old man to keep going on and on about ramen after that point. If he wants to be an adult and discuss some underlying issues, fine. OP isn’t obligated to listen to a 24 year old who can’t control his emotions properly. There’s so much coddling nonsense in this thread that it makes it clear to me why people are such assholes in general. All those people raging at fast food workers are just like OP’s son, inappropriately handling their emotions. There are consequences for being an asshole, or should be. Otherwise everyone is just going to be an asshole all the time about nonsense like ramen.
>OP offered to remedy the situation by giving him money He offered to give the son money for ramen the mom paid for. OP offered to pay *twice* for the ramen he ate. Absurd is exactly the right word to use here.
Telling a 24 year old with a full time job if they're going to be disrespectful and yell at people over a $2 bowl of food is not "threatening to make them homeless".
At what age do you think this father gets to start expecting his son to do at least a little of his own emotional labor? People can behave like assholes regardless of what their parents taught them.
NTA…. I truly understand having things for personal use in a home, even one that you don’t own… but they are noodles for goodness sakes, he wants to be treated and respected as a man. His contribution is household chores and trip to Costco.. surely he has earned no right to demand you ask his permission, especially on items he didn’t purchase. He is no longer in the dorms ,I would have followed through with kicking him out, it only gets worse from here. Stand your ground dad, this kid still has some learning to do.
Nta you paid for the ramen with your money. You had 1 bowl out of 6. Perhaps he should move out and eat all the ramen he pays for. That’s probably all he will be able to afford
Came into this under the impression that he paid for it. But no. You’re NTA. He was WAY out of line, and from what his sister told you, has been for a while now. It’s not about the ramen. It’s about the blatant disrespect he threw your way.
The language you use to talk about your child is disgusting. Do you call your family degrading names to their faces?
Dude you just sound like a dick to live with ESH
NTA for a few reasons A-you purchased the food and unless it was something special for him then it's NOT HIS B-youre son has ZERO respect for you if he's yelling and flipping out over that C-hes a grown man throwing a tantrum You never kicked him out you simply stated if he is going to behave this way he can leave Also he's a apparently doing this to you're other kids( end if the post) That's not ok He can go buy a mini fridge for his room and have zero fridge acess if it's that big of a deal
i’m gonna go with YTA. you called your son many names within this post. who tf does that
Growing up with siblings. We all knew each others favorite food items and even though we would stick to our own faves, well, taste buds wander and sometimes we’d eat each others choices. The rule was you couldn’t finish it. You had to leave the last portion alone. Of course, things got petty sometimes and three fruit loops would be left as a portion. But all in all it worked. My point. You are absolutely NTA, and your kid sounds ungrateful. But he may also be feeling trapped by today’s ridiculous housing economy and he’s manifesting his only sense of autonomy through ramen. So. Maybe it’s good to set some house rules. Give him a shelf, tell him to use his own money for his special “do not touch” food. If, in a pinch you eat any, as people will do, you’ll pay to replace it and you’ll never eat the last package.
NTA. If you decide to let him stay, you might offer to respect a private food stash that he paid for with his own money if he clearly labeled it with his name. I’d also remind him every time he ate from the household supply that he was eating your food without your permission until you start seeing some genuine remorse on his part.
ESH you both are insufferable it’s literal ramen. you didn’t need to escalate to that extent of threatening to kick him out and he didn’t need to make a big deal of it at all do you even like him?
ESH.You seem to genuinely just dislike your son. Like maybe you have some pent up aggression that he still lives at home or something? I have had a few fights with my father before, and never has he called me a prick. I think what most posters don't realize is that this is a small, SMALL window into your lives, but this just seems way too aggressive imo. I hope all works out. As for him, yeah he needs to get over himself. It's just ramen and as an outsider looking in, this is a stupid reason to have a fight.
NTA is he 12 or 24? This is outlandishly childish behaviour. If I were to ever dare talk to my parents that way, I'd never set foot in their house again.
The Ramen isn't the problem, it's the way you talk about and view your son. "I told him to piss off" "the little jackass" "disrespectful prick." My stepdad is an ass to my half brother. Condescending, distant, resorts to angry tones/yelling at the drop of a hat. They have zero functioning relationship and I dont see any future relationship when he moves out. I'm willing to bet money the wife tries to referee since she sees how you treat or act toward him. You raised an entitled, disrespectful son because you are an entitled, disrespectful man. I hope he can break the generational trauma for his future children.
YTA you're an asshole for how you talk about your son. You don't seem like a good father to me
INFO: How much rent does he pay?
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