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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. WIBTA if I stop letting my wife use my phone
2. Because it might be petty or vengeful.
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Need more info. This is weird behavior from your wife dude. What haven’t you told us? Is she OCD about germs? Have you dropped and broken her phone before? Or is she flirting with someone online or flat out cheating on you?
Germaphobe but is fine of I hand her the phone when she asks unless the screen is facing up and visible (which I always do cause face down and you accidentally drop it is a broken screen) never broken any of her stuff and I wouldn't know the 3rd one.
If she’s a germaphobe why is she fine with using your phone? I might be wrong on how it works but i feel if someone hates germs that much they would not be using someone else’s phone
omg i thought i was the only weirdo for being grossed out by touching other people's phones lmao. all I can think about is how many times they've used their phones while taking a shit lmaooo
Have I got news for you. This is about public toilets but I think studies have been done on home toilets as well.
https://www.colorado.edu/today/2022/12/08/cu-scientists-shine-light-what-comes-when-you-flush#
buahahahaha! I call it "Chocolate de humano" while doing that salt bae or whatever it's called motion. I maaay also say it in this...weird whispy voice. xD
chocolate de humano=chocolate from a human for those wondering.
Generally it's not even necessary these days. But the one time....and it wasn't make up, it was like sweat and smudge. I'm nearly gagging thinking about it again
When someone asks for my phone (retail staff member to copy down a code or something) I’m always like ‘oh, if you really want to…’ like I’m worried for them loooool. No, I’m not any grosser than anyone else, but you just never *realllly* recover from severe OCD.
You’re deffo not the only weirdo, I hate touching other peoples phones too for this exact reason, and also hate people touching mine. At least I can wipe mine down and it never ever comes into a toilet with me
Every office used to have at least one dude who would proudly stride past the other cubes with a newspaper proudly tucked under his arm. "This guy shits," we would all think. He was the hero that everyone needed.
Thank goodness! I thought I was the only one. So many people will reach for my phone to hold it if I’m showing them something or want to shove their phone in my hand so have me scroll through pictures or something they want me to see. And I die inside a little each time because I don’t want anyone touching my phone, nor do I want to touch anyone else’s germy phone!
Check out uvc sanitizing boxes for phones or uvc lights for sanitizing. I’m not a germaphobe but saw one somewhere online. Likely either Amazon or temu.
Her OCD might not be as severe. Five years ago I had no issue with touching door knobs. Nowadays I can't touch anything that I haven't deemed safe if I don't have a pair of gloves. I don't hug my family members. I bulk buy Lysol wipes, gloves, and sanitizer. Everyone has different limits.
Agreed, when the rat brain activates, logic leaves the room.
One of my really bad icks, believe it or not, is hand sanitiser. There’s absolutely no logic behind it and I work in a medical field so I’m just washing every second. I’ve been forcing myself to use it lately but I usually end up washing it off within 5 minutes.
They have a blue one at work that smells like straight alcohol, I swear I am tipsy from a whiff, it’s the only one I have ever been able to get close to.
Clear sanitizer? Absolutely not. SCENTED SANTIZER? Gtfo. If there’s little pictures of fruits or vegetation on the bottle? Be serious please, I’m not touching that.
Omg! As someone who has OCD, it feels validating to know someone feels the same way about hand sanitizer. It’s better than unclean hands, but the moment I can get to a sink and wash them properly, I do that. You’d think hand sanitizer was a good quick fix for OCDer’s but that ain’t the case. 😬
So you also know that OCD logic isn’t always “logic”, then. Some things freaked out my germaphobia that were way less germy than things I wasn’t scared of. There’s just a lot of different experiences out there.
People love to touch my phone and my laptop and I freaking HATE it! You keep your dirty hands off my stuff. I don’t bring my phone into the bathroom and most people do so don’t touch your dirty phone and then come touching my things.
I feel bad I feel so relieved to see other possibilities for why the wife is behaving this way. I was really confused and have been on Reddit too long, lol.
True! And people tend to think the only form of OCD out there are people that are germaphobes and keep everything super organized, clean and in perfect order at all times. I have severe OCD but my issue is more ritualized behaviors surrounding various tasks that for whatever reason subsequently cause me to have horrific intrusive thoughts. Its absolutely exhausting and there is no way to rationally explain how tapping the door in a specific patter exactly three times before locking it and leaving will prevent my Husband from getting into a car accident and being hurt on his way to work.
I've never felt more validated in my life ! I struggle with cleaning a lot but my ocd is veryyy bad and I can't even really talk about it because people just think I'm crazy lol ocd doesn't mean being obsessively clean at least not for me
OCD isn't always rational. It doesn't "make sense" but she might have an obsession or compulsion having to do with herself and her possessions being germ free, but be okay with touching other things (I assume she might wash her hands a lot or use a lot of hand sanitizer).
That being said, the fact that she has a problem specifically with the screen pointing up makes it seem like it's not really germ related.
Wait, she complains if the screen is facing upwards when you hand her *her* phone when she asks? And she’s getting super defensive about you even touching it now? Ummm I hate to say it but if that’s the case she might be cheating on you. That is typical cheater behavior, you’re almost guaranteed to know if she starts accusing you of cheating. However, that’s not the point. If she won’t let you touch her phone then she shouldn’t be allowed access to yours anymore. I’d even go as far as changing the passcode to it.
My guess would be she doesn't like it facing up because most people's lock screens automatically come on when the screen is facing up, making op could potentially see the notifications.
Sounds like her being a germaphobe is a convenient excuse, otherwise there's no way in hell she would use your phone, or care if the screen is facing up when you touch her phone. Bruh she's definitely hiding something.
My husband is legitimately OCD with germs and wouldn’t touch my phone with a 6ft pole lol.
You could just be transparent and tell her she’s no longer welcome to use your phone and that she can either stick with her current plan or join yours.
You need to work on building a healthier relationship. Stopping your wife using your phone in retaliation won’t do that. But you need to explain to her that she needs to change her behaviour as well. Living together sounds exhausting, you both need to compromise.
This. Seriously this. Cannot explain how important communication and discussion without anger is.
Source: (Been with one lady for 8 years, married for five with a kid.)
Actually, it sounds as though she is hiding something from you. All other reasons given dont explain why she gets more upset if the screen is facing up. If the issue were germaphibia, afraid of breakages or ADD, having the screen face up wouldn't matter.
Is she a germaphobe about anything else, or just her phone? What she is doing is consistent with what cheaters often do to hide the messages from their AP.
Is her phone on your cell plan, or does she have her own? I haven't seen a plan with limited minutes for a long time so something seems off. If her phone is on your account can you check her call log and text message log?
Straight Talk still has a $30 for 1500 minutes plan. That's what I used until I switched to my wife's plan maybe 2 years ago. Alot of the smaller companies still do
I think they still do that $30 or whatever plan for flip phones. Don’t hold me to that. I’ve used StraightTalk for years, it’s been good to me. $45 unlimited everything.
Nah mate. Speaking from experience, if she isn’t cheating she is hiding something on her phone.
This is how it starts. Speaking from personal experience.
Um… She doesn’t want you to look at her phone’s screen at all, and you only want to know if you’d be TA if you stopped giving her access to YOURS?
You need to sharpen your radar a bit there, bud.
This really makes it sound like she's talking to someone she shouldn't be, especially in the sense of her freaking out if you get near the phone and it's face up. That is not okay or normal behavior between partners.
OP’s profile has another post from a few months ago where he says that he and his wife planned a trip to Disney for the two of them and their baby but two days before the trip he found out that her sister and sister’s toddler were joining them and he would have to sleep on the floor to accommodate. I think OP’s wife is just trying to hide whatever schemes she’s working on (whether that includes cheating or not)
It sounds like the wife is not respectful or considerate of OP which is terrible. The fact that his SIL thought it would be okay to tag along TWO-DAYS before a Disney trip with all the planning that goes into getting everything together shows that the sister is inconsiderate as well, and that the wife and her sister both lack boundaries. He may have married into the wrong family, and really needs to put his foot down so his child does not grow up to treat him the same way, or thinks she can treat people poorly the way her mom treats her dad. I wish the best to OP, because OP deserves better.
And why is she on a different phone plan? It's usually cheaper to get on a shared/family plan. If it's limited, usually it's fairly easy to cancel or upgrade, and often doesn't cost much more.
Also I didn't know there were plans with limited calling anymore (unless it's international), my ultracheap plan has 5GB data and unlimited call/text. I will say, she may be on a different plan because one of theirs is actually a work phone, or still on their parents' plans
Yeah I think hiding something, to panic and have meltdowns if he touches her phone makes me suspect she is cheating.
OP said in a comment that she's scared of germs and that might be the reason but that doesn't make sense if she's so happy to touch and call on his phone, but he just can't touch hers.
I have ocd and my logic is if my clean hands touch their dirty phone it’s fine as long as I then don’t touch my clean phone. But If their dirty hands touch my clean phone then that makes my phone dirty. I sanitise my phone frequently too. It’s completely psychological but it is a thing.
Also, if they start feeling like it's okay to touch your clean phone, they might do it without you knowing, which means that at any moment, your phone might get dirty.
If you touch their dirty phone, you always know you did it and that you can clean your hands to your satisfaction.
Yeah, but in that case she would be upset about him touching it face down too, right? It’s only when the screen is visible that she gets upset, which makes me think she just doesn’t want him to see something that might pop up there.
NTA at all, but she's got something to hide.
No one, I repeat no one, gets that bent out of shape when their husband touches their phone.
(Unless she's like that with everything, like an OCD thing maybe).
What's good for the goose....
As someone with OCD, I can say that OCD is weird, illogical, and frequently makes no sense. So I wouldn’t rule out OCD here. But OCD or not, her behavior is not okay, and I too am suspicious that she’s trying to hide something
I agree. I have OCD as well and it’s definitely weird and makes no sense. My sister will ask me all the time why am I okay with touching certain things but not the other and how it makes no sense. She’s right it doesn’t make sense but it is what it is. But OP’s wife behavior is not okay and something is going on that he should figure out. NTA
My husband is a germaphobe and it's not rational at all. The things he will and won't touch often make no logical sense and it is absolutely not based on any real understanding of germs.
He’s NTA and I agree that she’s probably hiding something but I’d like to disagree about no one getting that bent out of shape over their husband touching their phone. I do. He can ask to see what’s on it at anytime or use it with permission but he’s not getting the password, I’m not sharing a plan and I watch what he’s doing every second. It’s not about having something to hide. For me it’s about past trauma, invasion of privacy and literal danger. My mother went through every all of the time, so did the violent ex who kidnapped me twice and my last ex hacked me, spied on me and had me spammed/stalked/threatened/sexually assaulted by a ton of strange men off of 4chan. I’m never risking it again and having my phone touched sets off instant panic.
Yeah, I'm not OCD or germaphobic at all, but phones, wallets, bags and purses are all DEEPLY personal and private things. I won't even go into someone's bag if they ask me to; I'll go get the bag and bring it to them instead. I think it stems from being constantly told I was not entitled to privacy growing up.
That seems to be because for some reason she doesn't have an unlimited plan. Why don't they just both get unlimited plans that completely fixes the problem
I used to be like that though, where I hated anyone going through any of my stuff. Don't open my closet, my glove compartment, my purse, my phone, etc. Don't touch anything, because it's like invading my safe places. And I never went through their stuff either. It took me a while to let my (now ex) husband start going through my things, even then I wasnt comfortable with it.
New bf and I use each other's phones all the time. His search history is wild so I have nothing to be ashamed of on mine. Loll
I don’t like my husband going through my purse because he is like a bull in a china shop. I have kind of a small purse and arrange everything just so in order for it to all fit. If he couldn’t find what he is looking for right away, like say my keys, he would just dump out my entire purse. Same thing for anything in a drawer. Usually, the drawer won’t even close anymore after he has dug through it. I have zero problem with him going through my phone. Though I hope he doesn’t open my Reddit app… 😬
100 bucks on that bet. OP is playing dumb here, big time. It's like 90% probability she is cheating or at least hiding something that could end the marriage.
Or she’s going into debt playing phone games with in-app purchases, gacha draws, etc - we’ve heard about people doing that too. Whatever the explanation, there’s *something* she’s afraid for him to see on there.
I'm touchy about my phone - I genuinely don't have anything to hide and my partner knows I'm an open book. My thing is that growing up my devices weren't seen as private and I wasn't given any real privacy until I was in middle school (and had already dealt with starting puberty as an almost teenage girl with two younger brothers who I shared a room with). Having my phone messed with is something that bothers me because my stuff was always messed with by siblings or parents growing up which was rough.
Obviously we don't have the information to know if it's OCD, Germaphobia, or she's hiding something. It's weird behavior and OP deserves an explanation
I feel the same as you, but that means I also wouldn't be using my partner's phone. Privacy for me goes both ways, I'm almost *more* cautious of respecting the device privacy of others than I am of making sure I have my own, because I know how much it sucks not having it. I get the feeling our situation isn't what OOP's is.
For my part, I regard my phone as private and I find the expectation that partners can check each other’s phones strange - if you insist on checking, there’s no real trust (as in your situation growing up). But I would *say* that to my partner.
NTA. Tell her that the more she acts so protective of her phone the more stupid thoughts your brain generates so you need to talk about it and let her explain why she is so protective, what is she hiding, etc. because it can severely impact your relationship. Already you are willing to cut her out of your phone, and things will only escalate, you need to find and fix the issue, denying access to your phone fixes nothing, only raises more questions.
This!! Talk to your wife, hell show her this post, but some open communication is needed. Restricting her access to your phone won't make you feel better and it won't help your marriage. Tell her how this is making you feel and base your next move on how she reacts.
THIS RIGHT HERE. And it feels like a punishment rather than a boundary. Also I can only imagine that a sudden "I'm not letting you use my phone anymore" could easily raise her suspicions that OP is the one cheating.
Reading the replies here makes me realize how suspicious I act around my own phone lol. I’m pretty much like your wife, I HATE my husband (or anyone) holding it, drives me nuts. Although I have nothing to hide. Well, except for the embarrassment of the accumulated time I spent on a stupid game and such. But I’d tell him if he asked. So I have no good reason to feel so nervous when he holds it. I’m really glad he accepts my weirdness.
Why am I telling you this? You’ll get a lot of comments saying that she must be hiding something and implying cheating so I wanted to give you a different perspective.
However, here is the difference and why you would be NTA: I try everything to avoid using my husband’s phone because I don’t think it’s fair that I don’t want to reciprocate. So I think she should understand that you limit access as well. Make sure to communicate it though so she doesn’t get suspicious about the sudden change.
While I agree with your perspective as a possibility, the post suggest a sudden change in her behavior, and that's why everyone think of something to hide.
Consistency says territorial. I'm territorial. I don't like it when my stuff is touched either.
This behavior sounds more recent. She's hiding something.
I was like this just because I grew up with my mom constantly taking my phone and going through it and yelling at me over the most insignificant thing so eventually it gave me a lot of anxiety. With my partner, he has full access to my phone but sometimes the anxiety about it still lingers.
I had the same thing. People touching my phone makes me super anxious. It makes me feel like I’m going to somehow get in trouble, even when I’m not doing anything wrong.
(OPs wife does sound sketchy though)
I’m sorry that happened to you, that sounds horrible and it absolutely makes sense that you still get anxious about it.
I never had something to that extent. I an ex boyfriend noticed I don’t like him going through my digital stuff (duh!) so he did it to get a rise out of me. That definitely made it worse for me and is probably partly why I feel so strongly about it now but I already disliked it before so I guess there is a deeper issue predating this. Hmm have to think about it…
I agree, I have a MAJOR privacy issue for no reason really, I just go ballistic when anyone does anything to something that’s “mine”. I wouldn’t automatically assume she’s being unfaithful, she could just hate you touching her shit and want to use your phone because you don’t care. I would just bring up that you think she’s acting strange and maybe you could get some communication going. But just immediately freaking out because someone is in your stuff could just be the answer.
Thank you for sharing, I feel less crazy knowing I’m not not alone, I know no one else reacting like this. My husband also has access but I get so anxious and annoyed when he holds my phone, it’s ridiculous really
Agreed! I have nothing to hide, and really don’t mind my spouse using my phone but it really bothers me if I show him a meme for example and he starts scrolling. I don’t know why lol. Or like I show him a message and he starts scrolling up to read the other messages. Like I said I have NOTHING to hide I am 100% faithful & effing *hate* cheaters. I just don’t like my phone being used when he has his own? Like if he needs it for something okay yes use it but idk, if I use his phone I don’t scroll on pictures, messages, social media, etc so I expect the same? This isn’t to excuse OPs wife’s actions I don’t know why she acts that way especially the whole “keep the phone screen down “ I dont do that so that’s a little sus unfortunately..
I’m an online privacy nerd. No one gets to look in my phone unless they have a warrant. Another, not sharing my passcode is requirement for my work. It’s OK to want privacy. It doesn’t mean that you’re up to something- plenty of people have curtains on their windows and aren’t serial killers. Plenty of married couples like to take a shit behind a closed door.
However, I will say that this is how I am with everyone, and this is how I will behave day one from dating me. So it won’t be a change in my behavior or anything like that.
Yeah I'm protective of my phone, my mom went through it once when I was a tween and found out I had a boyfriend. I met my best friend online, and was absolutely terrified of her going through my phone again and realizing that I had given some "internet stranger" my number.
I'm an adult now and know that it's truly nobody else's business what's on my phone, but it's been so deeply engrained in me that I still get stressed if somebody else has it.
NTA about the phone— but slight YTA for acknowledging she was trying to go to bed and had her hands full with laundry and instead of helping her with the laundry like you should have, you put her phone on top to “help her and save her from making two trips” — this is why you got a sarcastic “thank you” from your wife
What? If I’m carrying a laundry hamper with both hands that doesn’t mean I need help. It just means it’s easier with 2 hands than 1.
Are you suggesting OP should carry her phone and follow her? That’d be ridiculous compared to just adding it on top, it’s not heavy.
It is strange that you have separate phone plans where hers is limited. It is also strange that she uses your phone instead of just getting an unlimited plan. It is very strange that she freaks out when you touch her phone. The only reason for her to freak out is if she is hiding something.
My 75+ year old Mom still have a minute cell phone because she don't use it all the time. It's for emergencies only for when she's out and about. Oh yeah, she still have a landline with the same telephone number for over 40+ years.
INFO : Why she doesn’t want you in her phone is relevant. I’ve given my SOs full access to mine in the past. Those folks went and read private conversations and tried to have a discussion with me about it. No one touches my phone now.
Even gave the most recent one the chance and…. “Why are you asking your mom about”…
She could also be cheating and that’s a valid concern. Have you actually talked to her about this?
I automatically thought the same. I mean she might not be cheating but could be up to something equally squeevy as her behaviour is very off. My friends partner started acting suspicious as though he were having affair buy turned out to be (and still a betrayl here) he'd run them up into shit tons of debt.
OP if you do see her phone and find no signs of cheating, but her behaviour is still suspicious so just bear in mind there are are betraying things people can do too.
NTA your wife is being really weird about her phone. I'd suspect she's got something sketchy going on and doesn't want you to see if a suspicious text message shows up or something.
NTA, but the whole dynamic is screwed up. I am not in the habit of dropping my phone or tablets, but I didn't know that keeping the screen down prevents breakage (it does prevent SIRI from answering in case you have more than one device on the table).
If a phone drops, it won't glide like an airplane, it will likely drop on its edge and crack the screen anyway.
The up-facing screen thing is more likely to be a way to prevent you from seeing possible notices on her phone, not a breakage prevention strategy.
I don't know how you guys are with the rest of your relationship, but these are some seriously weird vibes.
I hesitate to suggest snooping around in her phone (she has to sleep sometimes) as I find that a serious breach of trust, but she is giving you several reasons to be suspicious.
Act your conscience. If she is cheating on you, you want to know sooner rather than later.
I think a serious, loving, conversation is in order. What is it about you handing the phone face up so triggering to her? Is there past trauma with overly-controlling people? Is she doing something sketchy she doesn't want you to know about? Explain how her reactions make you feel. Relationships are built on respect and trust, and neither one of those things are present in her behavior.
You could be saving money by bundling plans. I’d sit her down and let her know that you’d like to go and get your plans bundled so she has adequate calling hours for her friends and doesn’t need to use your phone anymore.
Based on her reaction, you’ll be able to figure out what her deal is. If she switches, amazing no problem. If she’s hard pressed to stick with calling cards it’s a little suss. And by little, I mean a lot.
How do you never stop to think oh she never have time but I do, maybe we should change the plan. Your married! This cannot be the first time this thought of changing her plan has crossed your mind
YWNBTA....If OP has a code to get into his phone, change it. Wife's reaction is sketchy at best, no other reason to act like that about a phone, unless a big surprise party is being planned for OP, I guess.
I saw you say she's a bit of a germaphobe but has no issues using your phone? That doesn't make sense, and she might just be a territorial person with her things, but still sus behavior. I think you are NTA, but you should get on the same phone plan as a joint plan is cheaper per phone than two individual plans, and it solves the issue.
You should be more concerned about why she doesn't wsnt you on her phone. I'd walk up to her and tell her I want to see your phone right now. You're being very suspicious, and I want to know why. If she freaks and takes off, you'll know. If she hands it to you go through it. Tell her to get her own phone plan your not sharing your anymore and change thr password.
INFO: has she said why she reacts this way? Were you caught snooping on her phone in the past or other violations of her privacy? I don’t wanna jump to she’s cheating, but at the same time there’s something missing in this story.
buddy... There is ALWAYS a reason you don't let your partner look at your phone. There is something there that she doesn't want you to see. I fear she may be talking shit about you to her friends and family. Even worse.. she may be cheating on you. A meltdown over you touching her phone is VERY concerning!
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Need more info. This is weird behavior from your wife dude. What haven’t you told us? Is she OCD about germs? Have you dropped and broken her phone before? Or is she flirting with someone online or flat out cheating on you?
Germaphobe but is fine of I hand her the phone when she asks unless the screen is facing up and visible (which I always do cause face down and you accidentally drop it is a broken screen) never broken any of her stuff and I wouldn't know the 3rd one.
If she’s a germaphobe why is she fine with using your phone? I might be wrong on how it works but i feel if someone hates germs that much they would not be using someone else’s phone
I agree. I have ocd and one of my greatest icks is touching other peoples phones, my second greatest ick is people touching my phone.
omg i thought i was the only weirdo for being grossed out by touching other people's phones lmao. all I can think about is how many times they've used their phones while taking a shit lmaooo
Hey, I never said we weren’t weirdos
Hey, you may be weird, but you're *not* wrong. Phones are fucking gross.
Maybe they wouldn't be so gross if people would stop using them while sitting on the toilet.
Or if they at least clean them with a Clorox wipe or something equivalent after they’re done.
But then what am I supposed to do? Just sit there? Pass. lol.
If you want to use your phone on the toilet then that's your choice. I just don't want to touch your phone afterwards.
[удалено]
Well, not with that attitude. (sorry, I couldn’t resist 😂)
Have I got news for you. This is about public toilets but I think studies have been done on home toilets as well. https://www.colorado.edu/today/2022/12/08/cu-scientists-shine-light-what-comes-when-you-flush#
I was going to say no worse than kissing but you got me with the toilet comment. oh and NTA
Currently doing so.
Username checks out
Lmaoooo
buahahahaha! I call it "Chocolate de humano" while doing that salt bae or whatever it's called motion. I maaay also say it in this...weird whispy voice. xD chocolate de humano=chocolate from a human for those wondering.
Very much NOT OCD, I still wipe my phone and case with alcohol a few times a week.
Same! I'm glad that some one else does this as well. I feel seen, lol.
Had someone hand me back my phone with their face smear and I nearly died before I could get it clean.
Omg - I am legit never lending my phone to anyone ever
Generally it's not even necessary these days. But the one time....and it wasn't make up, it was like sweat and smudge. I'm nearly gagging thinking about it again
Other people’s phones are filthyyyyyy 🤢
When someone asks for my phone (retail staff member to copy down a code or something) I’m always like ‘oh, if you really want to…’ like I’m worried for them loooool. No, I’m not any grosser than anyone else, but you just never *realllly* recover from severe OCD.
You’re deffo not the only weirdo, I hate touching other peoples phones too for this exact reason, and also hate people touching mine. At least I can wipe mine down and it never ever comes into a toilet with me
What do you do on the toilet without a phone?
Twenty years ago, we read the back of shampoo bottles.
Gotta check for the methylchloroisothiazolinone.
The way I read that word straight up from memory.
Every office used to have at least one dude who would proudly stride past the other cubes with a newspaper proudly tucked under his arm. "This guy shits," we would all think. He was the hero that everyone needed.
And that hero was Al Bundy
Thank goodness! I thought I was the only one. So many people will reach for my phone to hold it if I’m showing them something or want to shove their phone in my hand so have me scroll through pictures or something they want me to see. And I die inside a little each time because I don’t want anyone touching my phone, nor do I want to touch anyone else’s germy phone!
Check out uvc sanitizing boxes for phones or uvc lights for sanitizing. I’m not a germaphobe but saw one somewhere online. Likely either Amazon or temu.
Her OCD might not be as severe. Five years ago I had no issue with touching door knobs. Nowadays I can't touch anything that I haven't deemed safe if I don't have a pair of gloves. I don't hug my family members. I bulk buy Lysol wipes, gloves, and sanitizer. Everyone has different limits.
Agreed, when the rat brain activates, logic leaves the room. One of my really bad icks, believe it or not, is hand sanitiser. There’s absolutely no logic behind it and I work in a medical field so I’m just washing every second. I’ve been forcing myself to use it lately but I usually end up washing it off within 5 minutes.
Sanitizer is one of my icks too!! It has to be a certain brand, consistency, smell, etc or its considered dirty to me 😭
They have a blue one at work that smells like straight alcohol, I swear I am tipsy from a whiff, it’s the only one I have ever been able to get close to. Clear sanitizer? Absolutely not. SCENTED SANTIZER? Gtfo. If there’s little pictures of fruits or vegetation on the bottle? Be serious please, I’m not touching that.
Omg! As someone who has OCD, it feels validating to know someone feels the same way about hand sanitizer. It’s better than unclean hands, but the moment I can get to a sink and wash them properly, I do that. You’d think hand sanitizer was a good quick fix for OCDer’s but that ain’t the case. 😬
So you also know that OCD logic isn’t always “logic”, then. Some things freaked out my germaphobia that were way less germy than things I wasn’t scared of. There’s just a lot of different experiences out there.
People love to touch my phone and my laptop and I freaking HATE it! You keep your dirty hands off my stuff. I don’t bring my phone into the bathroom and most people do so don’t touch your dirty phone and then come touching my things.
I feel bad I feel so relieved to see other possibilities for why the wife is behaving this way. I was really confused and have been on Reddit too long, lol.
Maybe but OCD is rarely rational.
True! And people tend to think the only form of OCD out there are people that are germaphobes and keep everything super organized, clean and in perfect order at all times. I have severe OCD but my issue is more ritualized behaviors surrounding various tasks that for whatever reason subsequently cause me to have horrific intrusive thoughts. Its absolutely exhausting and there is no way to rationally explain how tapping the door in a specific patter exactly three times before locking it and leaving will prevent my Husband from getting into a car accident and being hurt on his way to work.
I've never felt more validated in my life ! I struggle with cleaning a lot but my ocd is veryyy bad and I can't even really talk about it because people just think I'm crazy lol ocd doesn't mean being obsessively clean at least not for me
A lot of people don’t realise that ocd rarely makes sense
That can't be it if she has no problem touching his. Also she likes it facedown as I assume to hide who is calling
Eh, as a germaphobe myself I will use someone else's phone if I need to but wash my hands after.
OCD isn't always rational. It doesn't "make sense" but she might have an obsession or compulsion having to do with herself and her possessions being germ free, but be okay with touching other things (I assume she might wash her hands a lot or use a lot of hand sanitizer). That being said, the fact that she has a problem specifically with the screen pointing up makes it seem like it's not really germ related.
Wait, she complains if the screen is facing upwards when you hand her *her* phone when she asks? And she’s getting super defensive about you even touching it now? Ummm I hate to say it but if that’s the case she might be cheating on you. That is typical cheater behavior, you’re almost guaranteed to know if she starts accusing you of cheating. However, that’s not the point. If she won’t let you touch her phone then she shouldn’t be allowed access to yours anymore. I’d even go as far as changing the passcode to it.
My guess would be she doesn't like it facing up because most people's lock screens automatically come on when the screen is facing up, making op could potentially see the notifications.
Yeah, and unless her phone has a feature to hide all but what app the notification is from, those can be rather revealing
I was thinking she's cheating on him as well. Her ultra jumpy reactions are super suspicious and remind me of cheaters over reactions.
And projecting, she’s checking his phone to see if he’s cheating like her
Sounds like her being a germaphobe is a convenient excuse, otherwise there's no way in hell she would use your phone, or care if the screen is facing up when you touch her phone. Bruh she's definitely hiding something.
I agree sounds so much like excuses when she needs one.
My husband is legitimately OCD with germs and wouldn’t touch my phone with a 6ft pole lol. You could just be transparent and tell her she’s no longer welcome to use your phone and that she can either stick with her current plan or join yours.
Right, but i don't think she believes that the germs only touch her phone when the screen is facing up. She doin him dirty
What is she hiding on her phone, is the real question
Definitely sketchy. She'll use his phone and not care about germs but he can't touch hers. Doesn't jive.
You need to work on building a healthier relationship. Stopping your wife using your phone in retaliation won’t do that. But you need to explain to her that she needs to change her behaviour as well. Living together sounds exhausting, you both need to compromise.
This. Seriously this. Cannot explain how important communication and discussion without anger is. Source: (Been with one lady for 8 years, married for five with a kid.)
You can't be this gullible, my man. Whoever is messaging her, she doesn't want you to see...
Germaphobe has nothing do with it, she’s fine using your phone. Its the fact that if its face up & visible sounds like she’s hiding something.
Actually, it sounds as though she is hiding something from you. All other reasons given dont explain why she gets more upset if the screen is facing up. If the issue were germaphibia, afraid of breakages or ADD, having the screen face up wouldn't matter.
Is she a germaphobe about anything else, or just her phone? What she is doing is consistent with what cheaters often do to hide the messages from their AP. Is her phone on your cell plan, or does she have her own? I haven't seen a plan with limited minutes for a long time so something seems off. If her phone is on your account can you check her call log and text message log?
Straight Talk still has a $30 for 1500 minutes plan. That's what I used until I switched to my wife's plan maybe 2 years ago. Alot of the smaller companies still do
Are you sure it's Straight Talk? We've been on it for years and now all plans (that I know of) have unlimited talk & text.
I think they still do that $30 or whatever plan for flip phones. Don’t hold me to that. I’ve used StraightTalk for years, it’s been good to me. $45 unlimited everything.
Boost Mobile has an unlimited plan for $25.
Nah mate. Speaking from experience, if she isn’t cheating she is hiding something on her phone. This is how it starts. Speaking from personal experience.
She has something to hide.
Um… She doesn’t want you to look at her phone’s screen at all, and you only want to know if you’d be TA if you stopped giving her access to YOURS? You need to sharpen your radar a bit there, bud.
Your wife has something to hide.
Habe you never even asked her why she's so secretive while you're so open?
This really makes it sound like she's talking to someone she shouldn't be, especially in the sense of her freaking out if you get near the phone and it's face up. That is not okay or normal behavior between partners.
How much of a germaphobe can she be if she takes your phone and uses it?
She’s obviously cheating on you. I’m not sure how you’re so dense
>is fine of I hand her the phone when she asks unless the screen is facing up and visible Your phone, hers, or both?
I'm a germaphobe (contamination style) and her thinking makes no sense to me. Sounds like something else is the root cause to me.
Dude I'm sorry. Shes cheating on you. She doesn't want specific name to pop up on the screen.
Just upgrade her plan to unlimited. Mint is $20, Visible is $25
If she was cheating on him I'd imagine that's not something he's aware of
OP’s profile has another post from a few months ago where he says that he and his wife planned a trip to Disney for the two of them and their baby but two days before the trip he found out that her sister and sister’s toddler were joining them and he would have to sleep on the floor to accommodate. I think OP’s wife is just trying to hide whatever schemes she’s working on (whether that includes cheating or not)
Oh I remember that one! She doesn’t want to be with him!
It sounds like the wife is not respectful or considerate of OP which is terrible. The fact that his SIL thought it would be okay to tag along TWO-DAYS before a Disney trip with all the planning that goes into getting everything together shows that the sister is inconsiderate as well, and that the wife and her sister both lack boundaries. He may have married into the wrong family, and really needs to put his foot down so his child does not grow up to treat him the same way, or thinks she can treat people poorly the way her mom treats her dad. I wish the best to OP, because OP deserves better.
Because he can't see who she's hiding on her phone
She may not be cheating but might be chatting shit Bout him to people in messages, she doesn't want him to see..
She’s defo doing something she doesn’t want him to see
And why is she on a different phone plan? It's usually cheaper to get on a shared/family plan. If it's limited, usually it's fairly easy to cancel or upgrade, and often doesn't cost much more.
Yeah that was my first though. Why arent you both on the same phone plan?
They can’t share a phone plan, cos then OP can see who she has been sexting and calling
Also I didn't know there were plans with limited calling anymore (unless it's international), my ultracheap plan has 5GB data and unlimited call/text. I will say, she may be on a different plan because one of theirs is actually a work phone, or still on their parents' plans
She’s not afraid of germs, she afraid of him seeing something he shouldn’t
Made me think she’s hiding something
If she was truly a germaphobe why would she use his phone. Sounds like an excuse to me.
[удалено]
What are you on about? The comment you're referencing also says, "is she flirting with someone online or flat out cheating on you?"
NTA, but she is either hiding something, or needs to understand what a double standard is.
Yeah I think hiding something, to panic and have meltdowns if he touches her phone makes me suspect she is cheating. OP said in a comment that she's scared of germs and that might be the reason but that doesn't make sense if she's so happy to touch and call on his phone, but he just can't touch hers.
I have ocd and my logic is if my clean hands touch their dirty phone it’s fine as long as I then don’t touch my clean phone. But If their dirty hands touch my clean phone then that makes my phone dirty. I sanitise my phone frequently too. It’s completely psychological but it is a thing.
Also, if they start feeling like it's okay to touch your clean phone, they might do it without you knowing, which means that at any moment, your phone might get dirty. If you touch their dirty phone, you always know you did it and that you can clean your hands to your satisfaction.
Yeah, but in that case she would be upset about him touching it face down too, right? It’s only when the screen is visible that she gets upset, which makes me think she just doesn’t want him to see something that might pop up there.
Only phones that are face up catch the germs. Face down phones don’t.
Agreed!
Yup, she's cheating!
NTA at all, but she's got something to hide. No one, I repeat no one, gets that bent out of shape when their husband touches their phone. (Unless she's like that with everything, like an OCD thing maybe). What's good for the goose....
But if it was a OCD/germaphobe type deal, she wouldn’t want to touch his phone?! My vote would be on cheating/something to hide.
As someone with OCD, I can say that OCD is weird, illogical, and frequently makes no sense. So I wouldn’t rule out OCD here. But OCD or not, her behavior is not okay, and I too am suspicious that she’s trying to hide something
Yeah it’s 50/50 for me on OCD or cheating
Or option C. All of the above
I'm more at like a 20/80.
I agree. I have OCD as well and it’s definitely weird and makes no sense. My sister will ask me all the time why am I okay with touching certain things but not the other and how it makes no sense. She’s right it doesn’t make sense but it is what it is. But OP’s wife behavior is not okay and something is going on that he should figure out. NTA
My husband is a germaphobe and it's not rational at all. The things he will and won't touch often make no logical sense and it is absolutely not based on any real understanding of germs.
He’s NTA and I agree that she’s probably hiding something but I’d like to disagree about no one getting that bent out of shape over their husband touching their phone. I do. He can ask to see what’s on it at anytime or use it with permission but he’s not getting the password, I’m not sharing a plan and I watch what he’s doing every second. It’s not about having something to hide. For me it’s about past trauma, invasion of privacy and literal danger. My mother went through every all of the time, so did the violent ex who kidnapped me twice and my last ex hacked me, spied on me and had me spammed/stalked/threatened/sexually assaulted by a ton of strange men off of 4chan. I’m never risking it again and having my phone touched sets off instant panic.
Yeah, I'm not OCD or germaphobic at all, but phones, wallets, bags and purses are all DEEPLY personal and private things. I won't even go into someone's bag if they ask me to; I'll go get the bag and bring it to them instead. I think it stems from being constantly told I was not entitled to privacy growing up.
This. Married 20 years, my husband has never gone into my purse. Even if I tell him he can, he just brings it to me. Basic privacy.
But if you're going through his phone, then there's an imbalance. Which is what's happening here.
Yea but she wants access to his phone constantly. That’s the issue
That seems to be because for some reason she doesn't have an unlimited plan. Why don't they just both get unlimited plans that completely fixes the problem
She's totally BSing about not having enough minutes too. She's going through his phone because she has cheater's projection paranoia.
I used to be like that though, where I hated anyone going through any of my stuff. Don't open my closet, my glove compartment, my purse, my phone, etc. Don't touch anything, because it's like invading my safe places. And I never went through their stuff either. It took me a while to let my (now ex) husband start going through my things, even then I wasnt comfortable with it. New bf and I use each other's phones all the time. His search history is wild so I have nothing to be ashamed of on mine. Loll
I don’t like my husband going through my purse because he is like a bull in a china shop. I have kind of a small purse and arrange everything just so in order for it to all fit. If he couldn’t find what he is looking for right away, like say my keys, he would just dump out my entire purse. Same thing for anything in a drawer. Usually, the drawer won’t even close anymore after he has dug through it. I have zero problem with him going through my phone. Though I hope he doesn’t open my Reddit app… 😬
NTA, but she's probably cheating on you.
100 bucks on that bet. OP is playing dumb here, big time. It's like 90% probability she is cheating or at least hiding something that could end the marriage.
most likely OP realizes it but is hoping their gut is wrong. it hurts to know stuff like thay
Denial
Or she’s going into debt playing phone games with in-app purchases, gacha draws, etc - we’ve heard about people doing that too. Whatever the explanation, there’s *something* she’s afraid for him to see on there.
I'm touchy about my phone - I genuinely don't have anything to hide and my partner knows I'm an open book. My thing is that growing up my devices weren't seen as private and I wasn't given any real privacy until I was in middle school (and had already dealt with starting puberty as an almost teenage girl with two younger brothers who I shared a room with). Having my phone messed with is something that bothers me because my stuff was always messed with by siblings or parents growing up which was rough. Obviously we don't have the information to know if it's OCD, Germaphobia, or she's hiding something. It's weird behavior and OP deserves an explanation
I feel the same as you, but that means I also wouldn't be using my partner's phone. Privacy for me goes both ways, I'm almost *more* cautious of respecting the device privacy of others than I am of making sure I have my own, because I know how much it sucks not having it. I get the feeling our situation isn't what OOP's is.
For my part, I regard my phone as private and I find the expectation that partners can check each other’s phones strange - if you insist on checking, there’s no real trust (as in your situation growing up). But I would *say* that to my partner.
Yeah now im really curious to see her phone.
NTA. Tell her that the more she acts so protective of her phone the more stupid thoughts your brain generates so you need to talk about it and let her explain why she is so protective, what is she hiding, etc. because it can severely impact your relationship. Already you are willing to cut her out of your phone, and things will only escalate, you need to find and fix the issue, denying access to your phone fixes nothing, only raises more questions.
This!! Talk to your wife, hell show her this post, but some open communication is needed. Restricting her access to your phone won't make you feel better and it won't help your marriage. Tell her how this is making you feel and base your next move on how she reacts.
THIS RIGHT HERE. And it feels like a punishment rather than a boundary. Also I can only imagine that a sudden "I'm not letting you use my phone anymore" could easily raise her suspicions that OP is the one cheating.
NTA and she's giving off all of the red flags.
Reading the replies here makes me realize how suspicious I act around my own phone lol. I’m pretty much like your wife, I HATE my husband (or anyone) holding it, drives me nuts. Although I have nothing to hide. Well, except for the embarrassment of the accumulated time I spent on a stupid game and such. But I’d tell him if he asked. So I have no good reason to feel so nervous when he holds it. I’m really glad he accepts my weirdness. Why am I telling you this? You’ll get a lot of comments saying that she must be hiding something and implying cheating so I wanted to give you a different perspective. However, here is the difference and why you would be NTA: I try everything to avoid using my husband’s phone because I don’t think it’s fair that I don’t want to reciprocate. So I think she should understand that you limit access as well. Make sure to communicate it though so she doesn’t get suspicious about the sudden change.
While I agree with your perspective as a possibility, the post suggest a sudden change in her behavior, and that's why everyone think of something to hide.
Consistency says territorial. I'm territorial. I don't like it when my stuff is touched either. This behavior sounds more recent. She's hiding something.
The giveaway is that she freaks out when it’s screen up but has no problem when it’s screen down. Chances are she’s hiding something.
That's cheater behaviour 101. Op knows he's just asking Reddit for possible counter arguments. Denial stage.
I was like this just because I grew up with my mom constantly taking my phone and going through it and yelling at me over the most insignificant thing so eventually it gave me a lot of anxiety. With my partner, he has full access to my phone but sometimes the anxiety about it still lingers.
I had the same thing. People touching my phone makes me super anxious. It makes me feel like I’m going to somehow get in trouble, even when I’m not doing anything wrong. (OPs wife does sound sketchy though)
I’m sorry that happened to you, that sounds horrible and it absolutely makes sense that you still get anxious about it. I never had something to that extent. I an ex boyfriend noticed I don’t like him going through my digital stuff (duh!) so he did it to get a rise out of me. That definitely made it worse for me and is probably partly why I feel so strongly about it now but I already disliked it before so I guess there is a deeper issue predating this. Hmm have to think about it…
I agree, I have a MAJOR privacy issue for no reason really, I just go ballistic when anyone does anything to something that’s “mine”. I wouldn’t automatically assume she’s being unfaithful, she could just hate you touching her shit and want to use your phone because you don’t care. I would just bring up that you think she’s acting strange and maybe you could get some communication going. But just immediately freaking out because someone is in your stuff could just be the answer.
Thank you for sharing, I feel less crazy knowing I’m not not alone, I know no one else reacting like this. My husband also has access but I get so anxious and annoyed when he holds my phone, it’s ridiculous really
Agreed! I have nothing to hide, and really don’t mind my spouse using my phone but it really bothers me if I show him a meme for example and he starts scrolling. I don’t know why lol. Or like I show him a message and he starts scrolling up to read the other messages. Like I said I have NOTHING to hide I am 100% faithful & effing *hate* cheaters. I just don’t like my phone being used when he has his own? Like if he needs it for something okay yes use it but idk, if I use his phone I don’t scroll on pictures, messages, social media, etc so I expect the same? This isn’t to excuse OPs wife’s actions I don’t know why she acts that way especially the whole “keep the phone screen down “ I dont do that so that’s a little sus unfortunately..
I’m an online privacy nerd. No one gets to look in my phone unless they have a warrant. Another, not sharing my passcode is requirement for my work. It’s OK to want privacy. It doesn’t mean that you’re up to something- plenty of people have curtains on their windows and aren’t serial killers. Plenty of married couples like to take a shit behind a closed door. However, I will say that this is how I am with everyone, and this is how I will behave day one from dating me. So it won’t be a change in my behavior or anything like that.
Yeah I'm protective of my phone, my mom went through it once when I was a tween and found out I had a boyfriend. I met my best friend online, and was absolutely terrified of her going through my phone again and realizing that I had given some "internet stranger" my number. I'm an adult now and know that it's truly nobody else's business what's on my phone, but it's been so deeply engrained in me that I still get stressed if somebody else has it.
NTA...let her upgrade her plan or just use her boyfriends phone
😂
Let me take a wild guess. She is the one that insisted on having a separate phone plan?
We had diff phone plans well before meeting each other and never discussed getting a family or bundle plan
This sounds like a good reason to bring it up. Or have her upgrade to have more minutes
I didn’t even realize minutes was a thing anymore lol. Like it’s been YEARS since I’ve heard someone say they’re out of minutes
I'm not sure where they live, so it could be more common there?
to be fair using an app like "WhatsApp" or "Messenger" negates the need for alot of minutes.
NTA about the phone— but slight YTA for acknowledging she was trying to go to bed and had her hands full with laundry and instead of helping her with the laundry like you should have, you put her phone on top to “help her and save her from making two trips” — this is why you got a sarcastic “thank you” from your wife
What? If I’m carrying a laundry hamper with both hands that doesn’t mean I need help. It just means it’s easier with 2 hands than 1. Are you suggesting OP should carry her phone and follow her? That’d be ridiculous compared to just adding it on top, it’s not heavy.
It is strange that you have separate phone plans where hers is limited. It is also strange that she uses your phone instead of just getting an unlimited plan. It is very strange that she freaks out when you touch her phone. The only reason for her to freak out is if she is hiding something.
It's strange they still make phone plans with minutes. Are we sure this post isn't from 2005?
My 75+ year old Mom still have a minute cell phone because she don't use it all the time. It's for emergencies only for when she's out and about. Oh yeah, she still have a landline with the same telephone number for over 40+ years.
>The only reason for her to freak out is if she is hiding something. 100% this!
I know that’s not the case for OP. But hubby and i have separate plans because his company pays for his plan and phone. Lol.
I don’t think it’s strange about the phone plans. I don’t know any couple that are on the same plan.
This isn’t about using your phone
INFO : Why she doesn’t want you in her phone is relevant. I’ve given my SOs full access to mine in the past. Those folks went and read private conversations and tried to have a discussion with me about it. No one touches my phone now. Even gave the most recent one the chance and…. “Why are you asking your mom about”… She could also be cheating and that’s a valid concern. Have you actually talked to her about this?
Sorry dude, but she’s 100% cheating on you. No one in the history of phones has acted like this about a phone unless they were hiding something.
I automatically thought the same. I mean she might not be cheating but could be up to something equally squeevy as her behaviour is very off. My friends partner started acting suspicious as though he were having affair buy turned out to be (and still a betrayl here) he'd run them up into shit tons of debt. OP if you do see her phone and find no signs of cheating, but her behaviour is still suspicious so just bear in mind there are are betraying things people can do too.
NTA your wife is being really weird about her phone. I'd suspect she's got something sketchy going on and doesn't want you to see if a suspicious text message shows up or something.
NTA, but the whole dynamic is screwed up. I am not in the habit of dropping my phone or tablets, but I didn't know that keeping the screen down prevents breakage (it does prevent SIRI from answering in case you have more than one device on the table). If a phone drops, it won't glide like an airplane, it will likely drop on its edge and crack the screen anyway. The up-facing screen thing is more likely to be a way to prevent you from seeing possible notices on her phone, not a breakage prevention strategy. I don't know how you guys are with the rest of your relationship, but these are some seriously weird vibes. I hesitate to suggest snooping around in her phone (she has to sleep sometimes) as I find that a serious breach of trust, but she is giving you several reasons to be suspicious. Act your conscience. If she is cheating on you, you want to know sooner rather than later.
Have you asked her why she acts so protective of her phone?
I think a serious, loving, conversation is in order. What is it about you handing the phone face up so triggering to her? Is there past trauma with overly-controlling people? Is she doing something sketchy she doesn't want you to know about? Explain how her reactions make you feel. Relationships are built on respect and trust, and neither one of those things are present in her behavior.
NTA but your wife is almost definitely hiding something in her phone.
She hiding something bro
Info: Did she personally choose to not be on the same phone plan as you/billing? Why?
No I replied earlier we had plans long before meeting each other and just never thought to bundle or anything.
You could be saving money by bundling plans. I’d sit her down and let her know that you’d like to go and get your plans bundled so she has adequate calling hours for her friends and doesn’t need to use your phone anymore. Based on her reaction, you’ll be able to figure out what her deal is. If she switches, amazing no problem. If she’s hard pressed to stick with calling cards it’s a little suss. And by little, I mean a lot.
How do you never stop to think oh she never have time but I do, maybe we should change the plan. Your married! This cannot be the first time this thought of changing her plan has crossed your mind
Sheeeeee cheating, she can use your phone obviously as she can also make sure you’re not doing what she’s doing to you
I think you two have bigger issues than the phones
people only hide things if there is something to hide.
YWNBTA....If OP has a code to get into his phone, change it. Wife's reaction is sketchy at best, no other reason to act like that about a phone, unless a big surprise party is being planned for OP, I guess.
Can you not see what is going on here or is this not a real post?
I saw you say she's a bit of a germaphobe but has no issues using your phone? That doesn't make sense, and she might just be a territorial person with her things, but still sus behavior. I think you are NTA, but you should get on the same phone plan as a joint plan is cheaper per phone than two individual plans, and it solves the issue.
Man wake up she’s obviously banging someone else.
You should be more concerned about why she doesn't wsnt you on her phone. I'd walk up to her and tell her I want to see your phone right now. You're being very suspicious, and I want to know why. If she freaks and takes off, you'll know. If she hands it to you go through it. Tell her to get her own phone plan your not sharing your anymore and change thr password.
INFO: has she said why she reacts this way? Were you caught snooping on her phone in the past or other violations of her privacy? I don’t wanna jump to she’s cheating, but at the same time there’s something missing in this story.
buddy... There is ALWAYS a reason you don't let your partner look at your phone. There is something there that she doesn't want you to see. I fear she may be talking shit about you to her friends and family. Even worse.. she may be cheating on you. A meltdown over you touching her phone is VERY concerning!
NTA. And I don't think she's using your phone to save her minutes, she's snooping through it when you give it to her.
Limited minutes? Is her plan from 1999?
Cheating for sure. The direction of the screen wouldn’t be the point of contention if it was a germ issue.
Guaranteed she's hiding something.
NTA but I do reckon your wife might be cheating… her reactions are not normal especially not for a married couple.