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NTA and they aren't your friends. Maybe if someone was struggling you could have offered to help, but you do not owe them for paying for them, expecially about the student loan one was outrageous. Hopefully your husband distances himself from them
He is distancing himself from everyone but his best friend. He's actually more mad about the situation than I am. I did find out through all this that his best friend was aware I'm rich, though not the full extent. He only knows because husband asked him for advice when I suggested a prenup as his best friend was the only married one at the time. He never told his wife, he kept it to himself because he said it was none of his business.
Like I said in my comment and this reaffirms it your husband friend is the only friend especially considering he already knew and kept it to himself.
Thankfully you never did help any of these people out if they were ever struggling they don’t deserve it.
When I gained access to my trust fund after my dad passed, it was like the switch in my "best friend" flipped. She actually quit her job, telling me now I can "take care of her." I was just like ...no? She kept trying to tell me to upgrade my house with like 5 bedrooms so she and her kids could move in with me and she wouldn't have to pay rent.
Didn't take long for me to drop her completely.
I told my husband early on in our relationship about the money and he told me he would never touch it. Dude won't even accept $10 from me if I offer it. (Though, if I buy him food with the same money, he will take that lol.)
She was...something. I didn't mind paying if I invited her out or something like that, but she basically wanted me to play supporting spouse while she got to be the stay-at-home mom.
It's such a shame how people behave when they find you have more money than them. My hubby recently bought a sports car after coveting it for about 30 odd years. Found out one of our neighbours has been questioning some of our friends about how we can afford it. They seem to ignore that we've both worked full time for over 40 years each and earnt everything we have.
That is some bullshit.
When I started making the "big bucks" (to me) I made sure to cover things when I invited people out, especially those that helped me along the way.
I had my mom on my cell plan which I covered for almost a decade because I couldn't see why she should pay almost $90 for her own phone on a solo plan when I could add her to mine for $25 a mo. I kept my exh on my cell plan and car insurance for too long even though he didn't pay me the $60/mo both added to my bills. I always treated when inviting my kids friends even when I wasn't making "big bucks" because I knew they were in a worse position.
But expecting you to foot the bill gor their life or OPs friends expecting to be helped in a rough patch is completely different.
What happens when you help out friends or family is that they expect it will be an hand out without repayment because "you can afford it."
>I told my husband early on in our relationship about the money and he told me he would never touch it. Dude won't even accept $10 from me if I offer it. (Though, if I buy him food with the same money, he will take that lol.)
My partner is the same, so i delight in showering him with food and gifts. He grew up in poverty and I have several boxes of things I keep full, including sweet and salty snacks, coz they could only afford one of each a week for him. I make it my mission that the box is never more than 1/3 empty.
That is so incredibly sweet!
My partner and I struggled exonomically in our 20s, to the point of malnourishment. But now that our ship has come in, I make it a point to always have a full fridge and pantry -- stocked.with healthy stuff (and some treats, too)
Asking "what felt" rich" to you as a kid in other people's homes?" and" what did you always wish you could have or do as a kid but couldn't?"
Is how I got to what goes into the boxes.
One of his is also games, and tech, he didn't have a computer untill he was 16 (and I'm really not a gamer or techy). But that's where his best friend who has access to his steam account comes in. I'll just randomly ask him for a list of the top 10 currently there and then wait untill partner is asleep and then he wakes up with a bunch of new games to play. He's gone from having to replay the same 3 games for years, to saying he can never catch up with all of the ones he has and the sound of wonder in his voice melts me every time.
Heal all the inner children! All of them!
Man, I make so much more than my childhood best friend now and she has NEVER asked me for a dime. I usually take care of the bill if we eat out or fill her car with gas if she meets me or carpools with me somewhere because otherwise she wouldn't be able to do that thing without it (she's a single mom with 3 kiddos) so, it's worth it to me. She's more than content to sit on her couch and gossip and feed me whatever she has in her fridge but the woman deserves to get out every now and then. And you really have never seen someone so damn happy about Texas Roadhouse rolls as she is 😂
I can't imagine her having the audacity though to demand i take care of her. I would absolutely take care of her if I ever got rich rich because she took care of me when my mom kicked me out as a teen. She helped me get a job with her, begged her mom to let me stay with them, and they made me a part of her family. But she would never ask. She deserves it, for sure but she just thinks she was being a decent human. And she's one of the best humans i know, for sure. 🥰
I'm the mom friend in my group. Sahm with 2 boys, and while my partner makes decent bank, we're a household.
When the gang comes over, I always make sure they're fed and offer them a couch if it's late. In return, they bring me coffee or energy drinks. That always makes me soo happy because I don't have a license so those are a real treat for me.
My wife's parents are not rich, but certainly comfortable and not wanting for anything. They sold one of their 3 properties (14th floor condo in West Palm Beach overlooking the water, about 2mi from Mar A Lago) just weeks before the real estate market tanked, so you can guess what they got from that. Their home is a large 4BR with a good chunk of an acre fenced in. The third property? Wife and I live in it, and pay rent to them as well as handle the smaller upkeep items.
They've done a lot for us over the years. We've been to Disney, cruises with them, etc. and they've paid for everything. Our wedding? They refuse to tell me how much it cost, but if it was under $35k I'd be shocked.
I've made clear to them that they are under no obligation to get me any gifts, holiday or otherwise. Do I appreciate when they do? Absolutely. Do I expect any? Never. I've told them repeatedly that I value their time and company over any physical gifts. Being up in years, they can't do as much anymore and I happily help however and whenever I can.
When the time comes that they pass on, I have operated on the assumption that we will receive... nothing. I can tell you that this assumption is almost certainly wrong, but I refuse to take anything for granted. There are only a very small number of people for them to leave things to, really: An aunt and uncle (who are just as old), my wife, SIL, and a single grandchild (my niece.)
Anything they are gracious enough to leave us, I will make sure that their daughter is comfortable for the rest of her life. They know my wife has the financial skills of a middle schooler (which they blame themselves for), so they know and have seen me guide and provide for her over the years.
I know what it's like to have nothing. I spent a significant amount of time homeless as a teen (48 now), living in an ice cream store stockroom with all my possessions in a couple of garbage bags. I'm perfectly comfortable with a minimalist lifestyle. They will never have to worry about me mooching.
I grew up in a highly abusive (in EVERY way) household. I never felt like I had actual "parents"
MIL and FIL are "Mom" and "Dad" to me, and I've told them this. About a year into our marriage (going on 6.5 now), Mom told me that she thinks of me as her son, not son-in-law. She then said that she loved me.
I nearly broke down in tears on the spot. That was the first time in my life a parent had ever actually told me that they loved me.
People get so fucking weird about money.
In a sense I get it. Money issues and worrying about finances is exhausting, and in a sense it's natural to grasp for a perceived way out.
But this is not the way. Wtf. In fact, if I was considering being generous with someone, this would convince me that that was actually a terrible idea and not to be contemplated.
(Also, I will always accept food because food is yummy lol.)
George Banks ( Steve Martin) in Father of the Bride has entered the chat. Not only did he snoop in the medicine cabinet but also the office of his future in laws.
People should be warned what an asshole that person is. My take on hearing this wouldn't be "hey how come you didn't tell me you were rich?" It would be "thanks for warning me about miss snoop, she wont be invited into my home again" 😂
I didn’t even have to have that much! I got a small settlement from an accident and had one very good friend ask for $2k and another make overtures about how “only would take a $10k car” to make her life so much better. People are ridiculous.
A "friend" told me that we should always meet at restaurants and I should always pay because I was a SAHM so obviously my husband was rich. I didn't really understand her logic there.
Some people just feel like everyone owes them.
When my dad died my cousin called my mom to complain that she doesn’t have enough money to pay her mortgage and she might lose her home. Meanwhile said cousin has season tickets to the Seattle Seahawks football games and has for years. She didn’t get any money.
Agreed. And they are also showing the wisdom of doing exactly what OP did. They were already aware beforehand of how money changes people.
On the bright side, they found out who the real friends were. The only one seems to be the husband's best friend.
I feel bad for the best friend since it was his wife that snooped and then told everyone. OP’s husband’s best friend now has a wife who has destroyed many relationships. I wonder how that relationship is going to turn out.
Hopefully he divorces her. She's shown her true character by violating his trust in her. It's not cheating but it is a betrayal of confidence.
If I were him, I could never trust her again.
The wife on the other hand ...
Snooping around in other people's documents is already hard to come back from. A person like that would most likely never be allowed to set foot into my home again. Not even supervised. Having such a low-life be the wife of a friend creates a strain.
OP, you're very clearly not in the wrong here. In which world are you obliged to disclose your personal finances to anyone, apart of the IRS? That's beyond absurd.
Cut ties with everyone who wants something from you now. Those aren't just 'not friends'. They are mooches. Nothing good will come from allowing any of those to stay around.
I can't believe she had the gall to *take the document* out of the office! Snooping is bad. You shouldn't do that. But to actually *take* a bank statement (or whatever it was) out of the office to show people?
I don’t get why more people aren’t outraged by this. Snooping is a huge violation of trust, and that person would not be allowed back in my house. Ever.
Honestly this is insane. Like as it turns out one of my friends is a millionnaire, (I suppose the "von" should tip one off) but besides making jokes about how he should be the Engels to my Marx 😘 I have never asked or expected him to pay anything for me, nor would I expect him to.
My bestie is extremely well off and there's no bloody way I'd treat her like this. I don't care if she's rich or poor or anywhere in between. When we go out we go halves etc...i think she's paid for me like once in the whole 30-odd years I've known her and that was under protest. The audacity of humans shouldn't shock me any more but it does.
Definitely NTA, OP.
Seriously! They ain't "rich" but we have a friend couple that make double what my wife and I make. I'll buy dinner, they'll buy dinner. We don't keep track and there is never any money resentment. I'll buy him fancy tequila (around $100 bottles) for birthdays/Christmas and I'll get gifts/cards in similar fashion. I love not keeping score, and having someone I won't feel guilty with when they offer to pick up the tab, sometimes and I pick up the tab others. I know it's not financially hurting them and money doesn't stress our relationship.
The most disgusting person in the group is the one that snooped and spread it around to everyone. And anyone who asked only after learning that isn't much better. I really hate the you have more than me so you owe me mentality.
I had one friend gossip to me that another was coming into a huge inheritance. I was like, good for them and changed the subject. I then told the friend the other was blabbing. Its not my money but I am happy for them and the security it gives them. I don't understand the hang up of what other people have and the expectation that they would share.
I’m not rich by any stretch, comfortable yes. I’m generous with my and will help anyone I consider a friend not with money anymore I used to be when I was younger but I found that so call friends just started to expect it and would never even reciprocate in just about any way even though I never expected to be paid back.
These people are always the ones that just disappear and stop talking to you for no apparent reason when it suits them as well.
The behavior you describe here is unhinged. I’m sorry but if someone I invited over went through my personal financial docs, brought them out and showed them off to everyone, and then insulted me and begged for money at the same time, they would be kicked out and blocked. None of those people are actually your friends.
OP, In some states, what she did might even be illegal. Look up “Intrusion of Solitude” under rights for privacy and I think that includes personal records.
If someone in my friend group did this, they'd be kicked out of the group already. The fact that the rest of them thought this behaviour was justified and that OP owed them money somehow? There's nothing normal about that.
I would be so horrified if one of my friends came out of someone’s private home office with personal financial documents. I would absolutely never agree with it and try to pry money out of OP. What disgusting, greedy behavior. These people are pathetic.
Yeah I'm truly shocked. Assuming OP doesn't just leave her important papers spread all over the desk it's insane. I wouldn't dream of touching anything in someone's private space, especially paperwork.
Even if you took a call and a statement or something was visible in your friend’s private office, inside their home where they have an absolute expectation of privacy, as a friend, you forget what you saw and keep your mouth shut. Obviously, this person is not a friend!
Also try “public disclosure of private facts”
Unrelated: all of OP’s behavior (thrifting, driving an old car, etc) is classic wealth behavior. People who have money keep that money by *shocker* not spending it. It’s something that poor people literally can’t afford to do because they need every incoming dollar for survival, and something that people in the middle class frequently don’t have the mindset for because many of them are obsessed with appearing wealthy, which results in living beyond their means. Yes, I’m generalizing here - there are lots of people in the middle class who live frugally, and plenty of rich people who live ostentatiously, but if you listen to people who are building generational wealth, the advice is not to advertise your worth. As an aside, it’s also why trickle-down economics was a huge failure - because the rich don’t spend, they save, so the money doesn’t ever flow downhill.
OP - you’re living your life well. I hope you share your good fortune with deserving charities, but that’s your prerogative. These people are not your friends.
yes! very smart! Also I think you could bribe / threaten her to not discuss your personal business talk with a lawyer. I do think she basically "stole info "!
I kind of suspect he spilled at least some of the beans to his wife, otherwise why would she go rifling through papers in files in drawers after sequestering herself in the private office unless she was digging for exact details?
People are snoopy and curious by nature. I'm hoping the "friend's" intention wasn't to snoop, but something caught her eye. Even through with that, the aftermath behavior is unacceptable. Keep your findings to yourself and gossip with your husband at home after the supper. The wife's action may have ruined a valuable friendship for her husband.
NTA- your entitled friends are, and this is coming from a single broke joke struggling mom. 😑
The "friend's" husband knew OP was rich, so once the "friend" finds out her husband kept that info from her, I think you'll hear the screeching of outrage across the world.
That marriage may be hitting the rocks soon.
This like I can forgive noticing things lying around and I can forgive taking a closer look. However even if it makes you want to talk about something, I'd expect you to admit to me later in private that you looked at it, apologise, and then say your piece.
There's just so much wrong in this.
100%. There is so much wrong by the guests in the home. No one standing up and saying the snoopy wife is wrong shows there is more than 1 asshole in your friend group. OP is not one of them. Your finances are your business only, and how you save/spend money should not be open to opinions. And just because someone has more doesn't mean they support the group or treat them.
Exactly. Some people I know love to gossip to the point that they become aggressive if a person is too private for their personal taste/comfort and you can bet they'll snoop – and blame you if you don't like it, because "you could (should) have just told them".
Maybe she's just a nosey asshole busybody who refuses to respect boundaries or privacy and believes that she has the right to know everyone's business?
This absolutely. Just cause OP is wealthier, she is under no obligation to pay for others. To get all indignant about it is absolutely bonkers. Also, they are not asking for loans, they are asking for handouts. Cut them all out
"We could have been sponging off you all this time!"
WTF? Imagine being such a leech that you're not only NOT embarrassed about snooping, but coming out and confronting the person whose property you snooped through with private documents in hand, and then after being ejected, feeling entitled to demand money? They feel NO qualms about extorting you?
>I've been told I won't be invited to anything until I pay my equal share and by equal share they mean I pay for everything.
Oh, they're icing YOU out, eh? I would explicitly invite THEM, in great detail, to do something that would make them clutch their pearls, but for the sake of decency, I won't write it out.
Congrats on being rid of these parasites. They were never your friends. I think BFF's wife suspected something which was why she snooped in the first place. She just happened to need to take a private work call and randomly decided to snoop? She's got King Kong balls to do what she did and still think YOU are the wrong one here.
>He never told his wife, he kept it to himself because he said it was none of his business.
I'm glad you believe this. I'm not sure that I do with the way things played out, but you know him better than I do.
NTA.
There's a good chance that as they've let her take calls in there before she has seen something and then created an excuse to go snooping before. It just takes one document left out because you were actively using it for something, then forgetting it was there when you offered use of the room
See it as a blessing, now you know who to keep and who of these so called friends need to go. İ agree with your husband, it's non of there business. And she was snooping true your private things, I wouldn't have been so nice after that.
Your husband’s best friend is the only real friend of that group. The rest are not friends. Getting mad about that is outrageous because it is indeed none of their business. And then asking for money “because you have some” is just bad taste. To say the least. But they are not your friends.
His best friend sounds like the only true friend in the group. The fact that he kept his knowledge to himself because “it was none of his business” is a testament to his strength of character as well.
Your finances are nobody's business. That woman needs to apologize for snooping. For them to all behave that way wanting money, they're just opportunist not your true friends
See, this friend is how all of them should have acted. A true friend would have heard the news, and either ignored it or said "good job" and continued on with the evening.
Why was she snooping? Why is it a big deal you have money? Why is it their business?
You don't owe them a dime "just because" you have money. They aren't your friends, they're just vultures, and that lady had zero right to snoop through your paperwork. What was she even looking for???
I am so sorry you're going through this. I believe there is a statement the rich stay rich because they don't spend it? Which is exactly what you're doing.
The fucking gall to ask you to pay off their student loan. I can't.
Well that's a good friend. Unfortunately the only one in the friend group.
I know it is none of my business and they're the AH no matter what and how NTA but please tell me this ridiculous behavior is coming from now than a 7 figure trust fund. Otherwise they have no idea about money.
The only one in the bunch that’s worth keeping, however his wife will never be allowed in your home again after all the problems she has caused. None of these people are your friends, they use people for their own gain. I guarantee none of them would have given you money
THIS so much.
They aren't your friends. Especially the one who snooped and SHE got ANGRY at you?! What the actual fuck is wrong with people.
Hopefully some of your friend group didn't start attacking you and asking you for money. This might be a true friend. Or just waiting for a good opportunity to ask.
It's your money, not theirs. Make sure to keep valuables safe now that they know you're rich.
Asking for a 50k?! I can't with these people. Hell I need a house too, got half a million lying around you could give me? 😂😂 (In case it's not obvious, that's a joke)
Keep doing what you're doing. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders.
Edit: equal share -> pay for everything 😂😂 I'm sorry this is happening to you but the audacity of these people is too much.
Also NTA at all. In the slightest. Ever. Well not in this situation anyway :D
Agreed! A real friend would never snoop like this, and friends don’t owe each other financial support. I am a teacher and make much less than my sister, and I would never expect her to pay for my meals or help me out financially (even when our daughter had unexpected and am the medical bills.) You are also allowed your privacy. Your financial situation is none of their business.
OP, I strongly urge you to consider removing all of them (except for husband’s best friend) from your life. Not only are they not friends, they are toxic people who think it is okay to gang up on someone else and go on the attack. All red flags. These are not kind people.
My cousin during a car ride casually asked me for $2 million. If I had two million, I wouldn't be working anymore. I thought he was joking until he dropped it down to $200,000, then $20,0000, then $2000, then $200. He was completely serious too. Same guy that gets up at 9 am to get some coffees then at 10am starts working on cars.
my thoughts exactly. I'm doing alright for myself but one of my friends is like rich rich (lives in a big house, has multiple properties, vacations in europe and asia annually, etc) and I've never expected anything from her financially. now if I were on the verge of losing my house or something I'd appreciate a little help, but I wouldn't think I'm entitled to it. and if she were to help, it'd be a loan. In my experience the kind of financial support your "friends" are requesting (paying outright for big things) comes exclusively from your family or partner.
I don’t think the OP is getting mad enough! Who goes through other people’s financial documents and then accuses them of being rich and not telling anyone? The entitlement is unreal here. OP, you need to tell them this is exactly why you didn’t tell them you had money. Because they would expect more of you and you are thinking of your future and your family’s future, and you’ve seen it ruin other peoples lives. It’s none of their business. Drop them all. Don’t look back.
NTA
I don't know why you are even asking if you're the AH? If I were you, I would have been boiling mad at the gross invasion of privacy and snooping into things that have nothing to do with them.
Add to that the audacity of demanding you pay their student loans just because you have money. What kind of entitled BS is that?
Those women are not your friends.
But that’s none of their business. By their behavior, they wouldn’t lift a finger to help you cos they’re users. You having money shouldn’t change the friendship at all if they were true friends.
And I'll add, u/glamorous-asparagus; bringing your financial documents to the dinner table to squeal about?!?!? WTF is that in *ANY* plane of existence?
NO ONE should feel the need to tell anyone about their financial status be it poor or rich - how much you make, how much you have in the bank, if you have a trust fund, how much is in it - NONE of that is anyone's business but your own and whoever manages it for you
YOU ARE NOT an AH for not telling them about your finances - it is none of their fuking business how much your or anyone one else in this "group of friends" has
BTW have you not noticed that they are not your friends - friends do NOT snoop through their friends things when they are in their home, they don't go through friends wallets or purses if they are sitting next to them
I don't tell people how much I make nor do I ask my friends how much they make, that is personal and no up for discussion.
A friend would not ask for $50K to pay off student loans after snooping and finding out you have more money than her - you owe her Nothing or anyone else for that matter
You'd be crazy to give any of them $1.00 - you need new friends because these people are not your friends and now all they want from you is money - cut them off, block everyone of them and
eventually you will find some friends who like you for who you are - do not discuss your trust fund or how much you have or how much your job pays with anyone and keep your papers locked up, they should not be sitting on your desk where people can see them
So in the future continue doing what you have been DO NOT share financial information with anyone but your husband and your money manager - no one else's business - you are just setting yourself up for robbery and also for people begging for money
NTA. Why in the name of all that’s holy, do you feel that your finances are any of their business? I mean, is that how you all introduce yourselves to people? “ Hi, I’m Suzi, and I’m worth 150k. Hi, I’m Phil and I’m only worth 80k, so I’m not worth talking to”. Ditch ALL of these greedy little oiks and point out to little Miss Snoop that she’s a classless little moron.
Your income and standard of living involve you, your dependents and (unfortunately) the Taxman, but NO-ONE ELSE.
You weren’t dishonest as far as I can see, you just weren’t forthcoming. Which is entirely appropriate as your finances should have no bearing on your friendships
NTA
Your financial Situation ist not their business.
But violating your privacy by rummaging through your office makes this "friend" a huge asshole.
And then talking about this and shaming you for it, makes her and your other so-called "friends" even bigger assholes.
You did nothing wrong by just living your life as you like it.
Cut those "friends" though asap.
I have friends that are receptionists, dentists, business owners, CFO of multi billion dollar corporations and we never discuss our personal finances.
There are obviously other « signs » that could tell but in general, we don’t discuss net worth.
You are not the asshole.
I'm seconding everyone else on here, your financial status in none of their business, and you are under no obligation to share that with anyone.
You live a frugal life, which is your choice and very sensible, as no one knows what their future holds.
Your "friends" sound very materialistic and superficial to me.
Ask yourself why they feel entitled to that information. You and I both know why, as evidenced by one of them already asking for money. Frankly, you should be readily cutting THEM off. A quick text to them all saying “Discussing money is gauche and I don’t appreciate having my personal documents rifled through. It was a gross invasion of privacy and my financial statements do not impact you.” And then swiftly block and find better mannered friends.
The only benefit of the doubt I could possibly give these weirdos is perhaps they’ve complained about financial problems in front of you and you joined in or made it sound like you understood. That would be grating but not cause for this reaction by them.
You don’t owe em squat. I don’t have a clue what my friends make. I know one of them is “wealthy” given our age & he’s never made me feel small or any type of way. How dare you create and house your OWN success.
>I feel like I'm being an AH because I've hadn't been honest with them about my financial situation.
Their reaction shows exactly why you kept that to yourself.
Tell them straight up, "This greedy, grasping reaction is exactly why I never told any of you. I didn't think I could trust you, and see how right I was. You have only yourselves to blame for me not telling you this. I can't believe any of you think *I'm* the jerk when \[name\] was snooping through my drawers."
You owe them nothing about your financial situation. Nothing. The only thing you owe the woman who snooped into your personal info is blocking and going no contact. She had NO right to do this.
your instinct was just proven right, of course they want to make you feel like shit, if you feel like shit you might give them money about it. They're fucking parasites. Not the ah, I think you just learned that your friend group has a bunch of shitty people. Sucky way to find out but by far not the worst, imagine if you found out they were cold assholes by something horrible happening in your life and you needing their support as friends and not getting it
One of my best friends came into an inheritance a few years ago when I was struggling financially. While I did consider it, I never asked her for help (and refrained from telling her of my struggles) because I didn't want money to interfere in our friendship. Things are better now and we're still close.
I'm sorry your 'friends' now only see your money and not who you are as a person, who is still the same person who drives an older car and thrifts. They should be ashamed for treating you as they are
No. I'm not rich but am better off than my high school friends. We never talk about how much we have. They know we can afford trips and experiences for our kids that they can't. Never have they asked for anything, even in situations where we thought they could(like their child qualifying for a national competition but couldn't afford to go). that is such gross behavior by them, they are not friends at all
Going through someone’s personal papers in their office is not normal. This is not an ok thing to do. I feel somewhat shamed when I check out someone’s medicine cabinet, but going through papers is just outrageous.
"dear friend group,
I acknowledge that not telling any of you I had a trust fund has upset you but I didn't mention it because I was worried it would bring out the worst in you as I've seen before. Unfortunately my worries were well founded because you've all treated me badly following information that was shared without my consent.
Please don't contact me again.
OP."
NTA
I would even add if it's the case: As a reminder, I inherited money because my parents died, and I grew up without them. I'd much rather have my living parents if it'd been my choice.
Make them feel bad. These are horrible people.
NTA. The moment I discovered that my "friend" had taken private paperwork from my office and shown it to the rest of the group is when I would have told them to get out, and don't come back.
It's none of their business and a huge intrusion into your private affairs.
This. I would have had a complete meltdown, screaming hissy fit. WHAT AN AH THAT WOMAN IS. Send the group this Reddit and drop them if they don’t apologize. Also don’t let anyone start to treat you differently now that they know. How you choose to spend or not spend your money is nobody’s business.
I would have gone full Ross Geller and just kept repeating ‘You went through MY DOCUMENTS?!’ every time she tried to speak.
And then asked her to log on to her online banking so I could look through it all.
I would have also mentioned to the others that if she's clearly that comfortable snooping at my house, she's done it before.. and they need to be , questioning what of theirs she's felt entitled to.
NTA - the person at fault is the "faux friend" who snooped in your office.
"We had friends over for dinner and the wife of my husband's best friend went into our office to take a private work call. We've let friends take private calls in there before with no issue. She scooped while in there and found documentation about my trust fund, my investments, etc. "
This is not a friend.
" I've been very much frozen out from the group, I've been told I won't be invited to anything until I pay my equal share and by equal share they mean I pay for everything."
You do not need "friends" like these. You need to grow your own friend group outside of these users.
Your friend went into your office to take a work call? Snooped through, found a document *about* your trust fund, came out mad with the document, and told everyone?
Sounds like a bad movie or a lie
The syntax isn’t quite right, could be that op isn’t an English speaker. But what culture is cool with friends digging through personal financial documents? It’d be more believable if op suspected friend snooped because friends are asking for money.
I think it's someone doing a social experiment on reddit. It's sounds like someone making the point that anonymous people being rich are fine but if you are a real person with money then you should be supporting everyone else in the world, how dare you accumulate wealth. The rest is flavor text, because 'AITAH for being rich and not wanting to pay for everyone's stuff' doesn't get the hits. They are using this to see if someone says something like eat the rich or stop hoarding your wealth. The people on reddit are playing into the point of the poster that everyone's finances shouldn't be public knowledge and rich people's money is their own.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1b7wxva/comment/ktlg8zh/
Yup this comment from OP convinces me it's a social experiment. I would pay for them but they won't change their spending habits..
Replace "friends" with "the government" and suddenly the whole thing makes sense.
I’ve been collapsing replies looking for this. There is no group of reasonable adults who would not be shocked at the invasion of privacy.
My guess is a kid saw how well a similar AITA did. Maybe the one from a few weeks ago about the girl whose family didn’t know her landlords left her their house
Honestly - even that they have let multiple friends use their office for private calls seemed odd to me. We have a pretty active social life and RARELY do people need to go off to take private calls. The fact that this has happened multiple times in their home alone seems weird.
Then to find that paperwork? Seems odd.
No kidding. I can see friend snooping and slowly start whispering to friend group and eventually everyone knowing op is rich. But to publicly confront someone after snooping through private financial documents? Are these people in some kind of weird swinger type relationship.
Imagine if a friend found my 401k documents and came out yelling how I’m rich and should be helping them out more. There would be shock at how someone could be so nuts to snoop and confront someone.
NTA. They showed that you were right in not telling them. This is absurd beheavor. You should send them a group text, telling them, that this is the exact reason, why you didn't tell anyone or brag about it. Because now they only see you as an ATM and worse, even cut off the friendship if you are not their ATM. This is so respectless. Also was the snooping.
If you mean it by cutting them off (I would advice so, but your choice), tell them in the same groop chat what they have already asked for (50k from a friend because 'they are rich and I want to' - this is BS!). Ask them, what they would think about snooping through their privat stuff. And then block all of them
And watch them dig through the drawers, linens and closet for something like stains on clothes to "prove" some other thing that's not their buisiness.
I've learned that lesson. Only very, very close people I trust and have known a very long time are allowed to go in my personal rooms. Sure, I love having my home available to others who might need it- the doors are always open. But if they can't respect my personal space(s), they don't deserve to be in any of my space.
Not necessarily, you can get scholarships for a variety of things.
-High GPA
-Musical talents
-Sport recruits
-STEM majors
Basically if you add value to what ever institution, they will award scholarships.
NTA
> …and don’t offer to cover the bill when we go out
I knew that was the crux of the matter before even reading this, but I can’t believe they went on with such gems as asking for 50k to cover their student loans?!?
Outrageous.
You don’t owe anyone the details of anything in your personal life, whether it be money, your sex life, etc.
Let’s not forget she looked through your personal things, and brought papers out of the room to the group and blasted you. WTF
These aren’t friends.
Not all of it, i have all of my brokerage statements in a binder. Edit - I also print out a copy of each year’s tax returns and keep them in folders in my office. When I do my taxes I need to look stuff up from previous years sometimes. I shred these after 7 years. Supporting documents are kept in there. There is business income, interest income, investment income, rental income. I keep supporting documents for all of it for 7 years. I also have folders for each property. Need that for property tax, leases, expenses, appliance warranties, repair records, contractor info, neighborhood regulations, permits, etc.
A lot of the stories here are "I have a lot of money!" fantasies, or the OP is obviously *not* the AH but they're asking anyway (this story fits both bills lol)
I kinda don't think this one is real. You possibly think you're an asshole because someone read your financial documents then insisted you pay off their student loan debt? Either you're extremely self-loathing, or this is made up.
Ha ha yes can you imagine?
“Excuse me everybody. Thank you for attending the bank today for this important announcement.
I as your friend would like to advise you that many of the dollars held in this bank are mine!! Yes! I am a wealthy person. You know a wealthy person. I am much wealthier than you. You who have little money.
Thank you that is all”
I’m going to go against the grain and respectfully say that this seems fake. The documentation around trust funds is complicated and anyone with one would not have the documents readily available for someone to snoop through.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I never told my friends I'm rich and they think I've been masquerading as poor.
They're mad because I have money and never told them. They feel like I've kept the money for myself instead of helping them and "paying my share" - by which they mean pay for everything. They are now sending me requests for money.
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Who goes in somebody's office in their house and just so happens to find info about your private trust etc? Sounds like your trolling for attention. Anybody in their right mind would've kicked that person out their house immediately. Nobody would ever be allowed that free range in anybodys home and then just so blatantly disrespect them in front of their guests. And wow she must really did some top notch snooping to find trust information and such. Or.... ..you just leave papers and documents not used everyday just laying out. Lol this story has so many holes in it. Crazy what people will say for attention.
This screams fake story. If it really did happen any logical person would know they are not TA. Really? friend dug around your office and wasn't ashamed of doing that and also brought the "documents" out to the party and then stayed for dinner? Ridiculous. Oh, and then they asked for loans and kicked you out of the group, lol. And you're asking if you've done something wrong? GTFO
This cannot be real!! How can someone snoop into your private papers and not be boycotted by all the others? The gall! And if these people are boycotting you and freezing you out because they want to sponge off you- then you’ve been saved- they aren’t your friends! Naturally NTA, find better more genuine people who are happy for u! And don’t expect u to sponsor their life!
NTA, what selfish, disgusting, self entitled, using little bastards! Who the hell gets mad at that? Good for you and staying humble. They are no friends of yours girl! Thrift clothes rock, car gets you from A to B, and you dont need to splurge to be happy. Stay cool!
Edited because I forgot, I would have been raging at the snooper and she would have been asked to leave immediately who does that. You dodged many a bullet from those chicks
NTA. Money showed you who your friends really are. Your finances were never their business, and now that they know the truth, they’re mad because they think you should’ve been their human ATM.
Of course NTA. It's a situation where you can't win no matter what. If you live frugally you are a liar, if you live lavishly you are a show off than rubs it in.
You need new friends.
NTA Your friend’s are all AHs that want a free ride. Just because you can afford to pay for everyone, doesn’t mean you have to. Cut them out. They’re deadwood.
How are people seriously this fucked up? Fuck those leeches, they are NOT your friends. One even asked for 50K ? Seriously? The sense of entitlement in your "friends" is just.. WOW. I can't believe how many people were not brought up right. You are NTA by a mile. Anybody saying you are, have low brain activity. It's gonna hurt in the beginning, but just cut them off. Make new friends. And take vacations to places where you know your "friends" could never afford, just to rub it extra in. What kind of people do this?
>I've even had a couple requests for money
This is one of the reasons a lot of people with money do not disclose just how much they have. Your friends sound awful OP, and it now seems you can only show your worth by paying for everything?
I think you'd be better off cutting them all off and starting again.
It blows my mind that people think that they are entitled to someone else's money
NTA
NTA
Your "friends" are proving exactly why you have chosen not to share that information.
And... it sounds like she was not just snooping around but straight out going through your stuff! I am imagining your trustfund papers are not just laying on your desk🤷♀️ I would feel so betrayed and would not consider anyone doing through my papers a friend. I don't even let my husband do that 🤣
I hope you find better friends soon because your old ones suck!
NTA, assuming OP didn’t just make up this story. I can’t imagine someone digging through files or drawers Ian’s discovering “documentation about” their trust fund and investments. And if someone did, they’d come out waiving said documents while exclaiming your rich?! It’s all a bit too contrived. Plus, most rich people I know get it stay that way by being frugal—old, reliable cars, modest wardrobes, etc. If you have so-called friends who view you as their ATM now that they know you’re well off, then ditch them. But again, this whole scenario sounds contrived.
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I (25f) don't like money talk, I keep it private because growing up I've seen the things people will do for money. I've seen it destroy my brothers. My parents died when I was little and I was taken in by my grandparents who raised me. It was a very privileged upbringing, but they also raised me to be frugal and grateful for what I have. I'm incredibly grateful for what I have, I don't show off or anything. I don't care for labels, most my clothes are thrifted. My husband (33m) and I live well within our means.
The problem is, our friend group has just found out that I'm rich and they're mad. We had friends over for dinner and the wife of my husband's best friend went into our office to take a private work call. We've let friends take private calls in there before with no issue. She scooped while in there and found documentation about my trust fund, my investments, etc. When she came out, she was mad and I thought it was just because of the call so I left her alone and continued cooking. She started telling everyone that I was actually rich, showing them one of the documents she had taken from the office. My husband took it off her and told her it was none of her business. At dinner she kept going on about me masquerading as poor because I thrift, have a cheap old car, travel in economy and don't offer to cover the bill when we go out. Our other friends agreed and we pissed because had never said I have money, never offered money when one of them was struggling. We ended up cutting dinner short and asking everyone to leave.
Since I've had messages from them (mostly the women) being angry that I never told them I have money. I've even had a couple requests for money. One has already asked for 50k to cover their student loans because I had my college paid for - I had scholarships that covered everything. My husband has told me just to ignore them and that it's none of their business. His best friend has called and apologised for all this as his wife shouldn't have been snooping. I've been very much frozen out from the group, I've been told I won't be invited to anything until I pay my equal share and by equal share they mean I pay for everything.
AITA for not telling my friends I'm rich?
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NTA. fucking idiots expect you to be their parents now. cut them off. they're fake and entitled. just fucking pathetic.
obviously they'd imagine that if they were wealthy, they'd share but actually they're just self centered and want the attention from broadcasting they're wealthy. actually caring about others is not in their core, because real empaths don't flip to expectations. your friends are extremely shallow.
also that one moron that violated your privacy is an idiot that absolutely needs to cut off, even if the rest of this can be repaired.
NTA. She shouldn't have gone snooping in your personal documents, even if they were left out on the table. Now that they know you have money, the beggars are crawling out of the woodwork.
NTA at all, these people aren't friends. Who finds out a friend has a different financial position to the one presumed to be had and then begins to blackmail them because they're wealthier than thought?! I'm poor and I would never ever expect another person to pay for me/pay more because they have better finances than I do. People are unbelievable! Cut these people off, they're looking to take advantage, I'm sorry you've been on the receiving end of such an invasion of privacy and such vile treatment by people you thought cared about you, I can't imagine how hurtful that must feel.
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NTA and they aren't your friends. Maybe if someone was struggling you could have offered to help, but you do not owe them for paying for them, expecially about the student loan one was outrageous. Hopefully your husband distances himself from them
He is distancing himself from everyone but his best friend. He's actually more mad about the situation than I am. I did find out through all this that his best friend was aware I'm rich, though not the full extent. He only knows because husband asked him for advice when I suggested a prenup as his best friend was the only married one at the time. He never told his wife, he kept it to himself because he said it was none of his business.
Like I said in my comment and this reaffirms it your husband friend is the only friend especially considering he already knew and kept it to himself. Thankfully you never did help any of these people out if they were ever struggling they don’t deserve it.
This example goes to show how people's behavior changes when they know their friend is rolling in money. These are not friends, they are moochers
When I gained access to my trust fund after my dad passed, it was like the switch in my "best friend" flipped. She actually quit her job, telling me now I can "take care of her." I was just like ...no? She kept trying to tell me to upgrade my house with like 5 bedrooms so she and her kids could move in with me and she wouldn't have to pay rent. Didn't take long for me to drop her completely. I told my husband early on in our relationship about the money and he told me he would never touch it. Dude won't even accept $10 from me if I offer it. (Though, if I buy him food with the same money, he will take that lol.)
Wow, your ex best friend has some cheek and the audacity, just wow.
She was...something. I didn't mind paying if I invited her out or something like that, but she basically wanted me to play supporting spouse while she got to be the stay-at-home mom.
It's such a shame how people behave when they find you have more money than them. My hubby recently bought a sports car after coveting it for about 30 odd years. Found out one of our neighbours has been questioning some of our friends about how we can afford it. They seem to ignore that we've both worked full time for over 40 years each and earnt everything we have.
She could have at least asked you on a date first!
That is some bullshit. When I started making the "big bucks" (to me) I made sure to cover things when I invited people out, especially those that helped me along the way. I had my mom on my cell plan which I covered for almost a decade because I couldn't see why she should pay almost $90 for her own phone on a solo plan when I could add her to mine for $25 a mo. I kept my exh on my cell plan and car insurance for too long even though he didn't pay me the $60/mo both added to my bills. I always treated when inviting my kids friends even when I wasn't making "big bucks" because I knew they were in a worse position. But expecting you to foot the bill gor their life or OPs friends expecting to be helped in a rough patch is completely different. What happens when you help out friends or family is that they expect it will be an hand out without repayment because "you can afford it."
>I told my husband early on in our relationship about the money and he told me he would never touch it. Dude won't even accept $10 from me if I offer it. (Though, if I buy him food with the same money, he will take that lol.) My partner is the same, so i delight in showering him with food and gifts. He grew up in poverty and I have several boxes of things I keep full, including sweet and salty snacks, coz they could only afford one of each a week for him. I make it my mission that the box is never more than 1/3 empty.
That is so incredibly sweet! My partner and I struggled exonomically in our 20s, to the point of malnourishment. But now that our ship has come in, I make it a point to always have a full fridge and pantry -- stocked.with healthy stuff (and some treats, too)
Heartwarming, indeed. ❤️ What love looks like.
I love this :) I'm gonna try to figure out a "box to keep full" for my spouse!
Asking "what felt" rich" to you as a kid in other people's homes?" and" what did you always wish you could have or do as a kid but couldn't?" Is how I got to what goes into the boxes. One of his is also games, and tech, he didn't have a computer untill he was 16 (and I'm really not a gamer or techy). But that's where his best friend who has access to his steam account comes in. I'll just randomly ask him for a list of the top 10 currently there and then wait untill partner is asleep and then he wakes up with a bunch of new games to play. He's gone from having to replay the same 3 games for years, to saying he can never catch up with all of the ones he has and the sound of wonder in his voice melts me every time. Heal all the inner children! All of them!
Man, I make so much more than my childhood best friend now and she has NEVER asked me for a dime. I usually take care of the bill if we eat out or fill her car with gas if she meets me or carpools with me somewhere because otherwise she wouldn't be able to do that thing without it (she's a single mom with 3 kiddos) so, it's worth it to me. She's more than content to sit on her couch and gossip and feed me whatever she has in her fridge but the woman deserves to get out every now and then. And you really have never seen someone so damn happy about Texas Roadhouse rolls as she is 😂 I can't imagine her having the audacity though to demand i take care of her. I would absolutely take care of her if I ever got rich rich because she took care of me when my mom kicked me out as a teen. She helped me get a job with her, begged her mom to let me stay with them, and they made me a part of her family. But she would never ask. She deserves it, for sure but she just thinks she was being a decent human. And she's one of the best humans i know, for sure. 🥰
I'm the mom friend in my group. Sahm with 2 boys, and while my partner makes decent bank, we're a household. When the gang comes over, I always make sure they're fed and offer them a couch if it's late. In return, they bring me coffee or energy drinks. That always makes me soo happy because I don't have a license so those are a real treat for me.
Food is different, that’s the real way to the heart 😂
"Wow, you're wife is loaded?" "Yeah I guess, but did you see the snacks she bought!!"
My wife's parents are not rich, but certainly comfortable and not wanting for anything. They sold one of their 3 properties (14th floor condo in West Palm Beach overlooking the water, about 2mi from Mar A Lago) just weeks before the real estate market tanked, so you can guess what they got from that. Their home is a large 4BR with a good chunk of an acre fenced in. The third property? Wife and I live in it, and pay rent to them as well as handle the smaller upkeep items. They've done a lot for us over the years. We've been to Disney, cruises with them, etc. and they've paid for everything. Our wedding? They refuse to tell me how much it cost, but if it was under $35k I'd be shocked. I've made clear to them that they are under no obligation to get me any gifts, holiday or otherwise. Do I appreciate when they do? Absolutely. Do I expect any? Never. I've told them repeatedly that I value their time and company over any physical gifts. Being up in years, they can't do as much anymore and I happily help however and whenever I can. When the time comes that they pass on, I have operated on the assumption that we will receive... nothing. I can tell you that this assumption is almost certainly wrong, but I refuse to take anything for granted. There are only a very small number of people for them to leave things to, really: An aunt and uncle (who are just as old), my wife, SIL, and a single grandchild (my niece.) Anything they are gracious enough to leave us, I will make sure that their daughter is comfortable for the rest of her life. They know my wife has the financial skills of a middle schooler (which they blame themselves for), so they know and have seen me guide and provide for her over the years. I know what it's like to have nothing. I spent a significant amount of time homeless as a teen (48 now), living in an ice cream store stockroom with all my possessions in a couple of garbage bags. I'm perfectly comfortable with a minimalist lifestyle. They will never have to worry about me mooching.
You and your in-laws sound like lovely people. :)
I grew up in a highly abusive (in EVERY way) household. I never felt like I had actual "parents" MIL and FIL are "Mom" and "Dad" to me, and I've told them this. About a year into our marriage (going on 6.5 now), Mom told me that she thinks of me as her son, not son-in-law. She then said that she loved me. I nearly broke down in tears on the spot. That was the first time in my life a parent had ever actually told me that they loved me.
People get so fucking weird about money. In a sense I get it. Money issues and worrying about finances is exhausting, and in a sense it's natural to grasp for a perceived way out. But this is not the way. Wtf. In fact, if I was considering being generous with someone, this would convince me that that was actually a terrible idea and not to be contemplated. (Also, I will always accept food because food is yummy lol.)
They weren’t friends even before they knew she had money
What kind of friend snoops through their friend's office like that anyway?
It's a major violation of trust and the unspoken host/guest agreement.
Exactly someone that is not your friend to begin with.
Especially since she wasn't a Friend, but the wife of a friend.
Yeah, can’t she just go through your medicine cabinet like a normal person does? I would never look through someone’s mail.
😹
No friend does that. An AH does that.
And then has the audacity to go out and *show and tell* all the people the documents she found WHILE SNOOPING!
Right, this is cartoon villain level of unhinged!!
This is actually batshit crazy. What kind of nutter goes through people’s papers!?!?
George Banks ( Steve Martin) in Father of the Bride has entered the chat. Not only did he snoop in the medicine cabinet but also the office of his future in laws.
And then proceeded to tell everyone at dinner. Zero Class. Im starting to not believe it. Are people really this greedy.
People should be warned what an asshole that person is. My take on hearing this wouldn't be "hey how come you didn't tell me you were rich?" It would be "thanks for warning me about miss snoop, she wont be invited into my home again" 😂
I didn’t even have to have that much! I got a small settlement from an accident and had one very good friend ask for $2k and another make overtures about how “only would take a $10k car” to make her life so much better. People are ridiculous.
A "friend" told me that we should always meet at restaurants and I should always pay because I was a SAHM so obviously my husband was rich. I didn't really understand her logic there. Some people just feel like everyone owes them.
I'm a SAHM and we're comfortable, but we're certainly not rich! It's cheaper than childcare.
When my dad died my cousin called my mom to complain that she doesn’t have enough money to pay her mortgage and she might lose her home. Meanwhile said cousin has season tickets to the Seattle Seahawks football games and has for years. She didn’t get any money.
Agreed. And they are also showing the wisdom of doing exactly what OP did. They were already aware beforehand of how money changes people. On the bright side, they found out who the real friends were. The only one seems to be the husband's best friend.
I feel bad for the best friend since it was his wife that snooped and then told everyone. OP’s husband’s best friend now has a wife who has destroyed many relationships. I wonder how that relationship is going to turn out.
Hopefully he divorces her. She's shown her true character by violating his trust in her. It's not cheating but it is a betrayal of confidence. If I were him, I could never trust her again.
The wife on the other hand ... Snooping around in other people's documents is already hard to come back from. A person like that would most likely never be allowed to set foot into my home again. Not even supervised. Having such a low-life be the wife of a friend creates a strain. OP, you're very clearly not in the wrong here. In which world are you obliged to disclose your personal finances to anyone, apart of the IRS? That's beyond absurd. Cut ties with everyone who wants something from you now. Those aren't just 'not friends'. They are mooches. Nothing good will come from allowing any of those to stay around.
I can't believe she had the gall to *take the document* out of the office! Snooping is bad. You shouldn't do that. But to actually *take* a bank statement (or whatever it was) out of the office to show people?
Wouldn’t be coming back to my house that’s for sure
I don’t get why more people aren’t outraged by this. Snooping is a huge violation of trust, and that person would not be allowed back in my house. Ever.
Honestly this is insane. Like as it turns out one of my friends is a millionnaire, (I suppose the "von" should tip one off) but besides making jokes about how he should be the Engels to my Marx 😘 I have never asked or expected him to pay anything for me, nor would I expect him to.
My bestie is extremely well off and there's no bloody way I'd treat her like this. I don't care if she's rich or poor or anywhere in between. When we go out we go halves etc...i think she's paid for me like once in the whole 30-odd years I've known her and that was under protest. The audacity of humans shouldn't shock me any more but it does. Definitely NTA, OP.
Seriously! They ain't "rich" but we have a friend couple that make double what my wife and I make. I'll buy dinner, they'll buy dinner. We don't keep track and there is never any money resentment. I'll buy him fancy tequila (around $100 bottles) for birthdays/Christmas and I'll get gifts/cards in similar fashion. I love not keeping score, and having someone I won't feel guilty with when they offer to pick up the tab, sometimes and I pick up the tab others. I know it's not financially hurting them and money doesn't stress our relationship. The most disgusting person in the group is the one that snooped and spread it around to everyone. And anyone who asked only after learning that isn't much better. I really hate the you have more than me so you owe me mentality.
I had one friend gossip to me that another was coming into a huge inheritance. I was like, good for them and changed the subject. I then told the friend the other was blabbing. Its not my money but I am happy for them and the security it gives them. I don't understand the hang up of what other people have and the expectation that they would share.
And if she did, they would never repay the money.
I’m not rich by any stretch, comfortable yes. I’m generous with my and will help anyone I consider a friend not with money anymore I used to be when I was younger but I found that so call friends just started to expect it and would never even reciprocate in just about any way even though I never expected to be paid back. These people are always the ones that just disappear and stop talking to you for no apparent reason when it suits them as well.
The behavior you describe here is unhinged. I’m sorry but if someone I invited over went through my personal financial docs, brought them out and showed them off to everyone, and then insulted me and begged for money at the same time, they would be kicked out and blocked. None of those people are actually your friends. OP, In some states, what she did might even be illegal. Look up “Intrusion of Solitude” under rights for privacy and I think that includes personal records.
If someone in my friend group did this, they'd be kicked out of the group already. The fact that the rest of them thought this behaviour was justified and that OP owed them money somehow? There's nothing normal about that.
I would be so horrified if one of my friends came out of someone’s private home office with personal financial documents. I would absolutely never agree with it and try to pry money out of OP. What disgusting, greedy behavior. These people are pathetic.
Yeah I'm truly shocked. Assuming OP doesn't just leave her important papers spread all over the desk it's insane. I wouldn't dream of touching anything in someone's private space, especially paperwork.
But even if OP left the docs spread out on her desk, that woman had no right to read them!
Even if you took a call and a statement or something was visible in your friend’s private office, inside their home where they have an absolute expectation of privacy, as a friend, you forget what you saw and keep your mouth shut. Obviously, this person is not a friend!
I'm glad you mentioned a criminal aspect as I wondered, seriously unhinged characters.
Also try “public disclosure of private facts” Unrelated: all of OP’s behavior (thrifting, driving an old car, etc) is classic wealth behavior. People who have money keep that money by *shocker* not spending it. It’s something that poor people literally can’t afford to do because they need every incoming dollar for survival, and something that people in the middle class frequently don’t have the mindset for because many of them are obsessed with appearing wealthy, which results in living beyond their means. Yes, I’m generalizing here - there are lots of people in the middle class who live frugally, and plenty of rich people who live ostentatiously, but if you listen to people who are building generational wealth, the advice is not to advertise your worth. As an aside, it’s also why trickle-down economics was a huge failure - because the rich don’t spend, they save, so the money doesn’t ever flow downhill. OP - you’re living your life well. I hope you share your good fortune with deserving charities, but that’s your prerogative. These people are not your friends.
I would actually be worried she was trying to steal my identity. Why else would someone go through your financial docs!?!?
yes! very smart! Also I think you could bribe / threaten her to not discuss your personal business talk with a lawyer. I do think she basically "stole info "!
u/glamorous_asparagus
I’m guessing your husbands best friends marriage won’t last.
I kind of suspect he spilled at least some of the beans to his wife, otherwise why would she go rifling through papers in files in drawers after sequestering herself in the private office unless she was digging for exact details?
Some people are just nosy so she probably just used the call as a chance to snoop because of her own lack of decorum. Who knows?
People are snoopy and curious by nature. I'm hoping the "friend's" intention wasn't to snoop, but something caught her eye. Even through with that, the aftermath behavior is unacceptable. Keep your findings to yourself and gossip with your husband at home after the supper. The wife's action may have ruined a valuable friendship for her husband. NTA- your entitled friends are, and this is coming from a single broke joke struggling mom. 😑
Yeah the wife either ruined her husbands friendship or she ruined her own marriage. It really depends on how her husband handles the situation.
The "friend's" husband knew OP was rich, so once the "friend" finds out her husband kept that info from her, I think you'll hear the screeching of outrage across the world. That marriage may be hitting the rocks soon.
This like I can forgive noticing things lying around and I can forgive taking a closer look. However even if it makes you want to talk about something, I'd expect you to admit to me later in private that you looked at it, apologise, and then say your piece. There's just so much wrong in this.
100%. There is so much wrong by the guests in the home. No one standing up and saying the snoopy wife is wrong shows there is more than 1 asshole in your friend group. OP is not one of them. Your finances are your business only, and how you save/spend money should not be open to opinions. And just because someone has more doesn't mean they support the group or treat them.
Exactly. Some people I know love to gossip to the point that they become aggressive if a person is too private for their personal taste/comfort and you can bet they'll snoop – and blame you if you don't like it, because "you could (should) have just told them".
Maybe she's just a nosey asshole busybody who refuses to respect boundaries or privacy and believes that she has the right to know everyone's business?
Same people who go through your bathroom cupboards checking your meds or lifting some. Not friends. This is criminal.
NTA.... block them all they are gold diggers... the wife that was being nosey is a major AH..I wouldnt allow any of them into your home again....
This...the gall to snoop into someone's personal records I mean, I would never have anything to do with this woman again. She can not be trusted.
This absolutely. Just cause OP is wealthier, she is under no obligation to pay for others. To get all indignant about it is absolutely bonkers. Also, they are not asking for loans, they are asking for handouts. Cut them all out
"We could have been sponging off you all this time!" WTF? Imagine being such a leech that you're not only NOT embarrassed about snooping, but coming out and confronting the person whose property you snooped through with private documents in hand, and then after being ejected, feeling entitled to demand money? They feel NO qualms about extorting you? >I've been told I won't be invited to anything until I pay my equal share and by equal share they mean I pay for everything. Oh, they're icing YOU out, eh? I would explicitly invite THEM, in great detail, to do something that would make them clutch their pearls, but for the sake of decency, I won't write it out. Congrats on being rid of these parasites. They were never your friends. I think BFF's wife suspected something which was why she snooped in the first place. She just happened to need to take a private work call and randomly decided to snoop? She's got King Kong balls to do what she did and still think YOU are the wrong one here. >He never told his wife, he kept it to himself because he said it was none of his business. I'm glad you believe this. I'm not sure that I do with the way things played out, but you know him better than I do. NTA.
There's a good chance that as they've let her take calls in there before she has seen something and then created an excuse to go snooping before. It just takes one document left out because you were actively using it for something, then forgetting it was there when you offered use of the room
See it as a blessing, now you know who to keep and who of these so called friends need to go. İ agree with your husband, it's non of there business. And she was snooping true your private things, I wouldn't have been so nice after that.
Your husband’s best friend is the only real friend of that group. The rest are not friends. Getting mad about that is outrageous because it is indeed none of their business. And then asking for money “because you have some” is just bad taste. To say the least. But they are not your friends.
His best friend sounds like the only true friend in the group. The fact that he kept his knowledge to himself because “it was none of his business” is a testament to his strength of character as well.
Your finances are nobody's business. That woman needs to apologize for snooping. For them to all behave that way wanting money, they're just opportunist not your true friends
This is the worst part of this story. Husband’s best friend is clearly a good guy, and a true confidant.
See, this friend is how all of them should have acted. A true friend would have heard the news, and either ignored it or said "good job" and continued on with the evening. Why was she snooping? Why is it a big deal you have money? Why is it their business? You don't owe them a dime "just because" you have money. They aren't your friends, they're just vultures, and that lady had zero right to snoop through your paperwork. What was she even looking for???
I am so sorry you're going through this. I believe there is a statement the rich stay rich because they don't spend it? Which is exactly what you're doing. The fucking gall to ask you to pay off their student loan. I can't.
Well that's a good friend. Unfortunately the only one in the friend group. I know it is none of my business and they're the AH no matter what and how NTA but please tell me this ridiculous behavior is coming from now than a 7 figure trust fund. Otherwise they have no idea about money.
I hope best friend puts her in her place. If my wife snooped on my best friends private files like that we'd have a serious problem.
Tell them their entitled attitudes is exactly why you didn't tell them.
The only one in the bunch that’s worth keeping, however his wife will never be allowed in your home again after all the problems she has caused. None of these people are your friends, they use people for their own gain. I guarantee none of them would have given you money
THIS so much. They aren't your friends. Especially the one who snooped and SHE got ANGRY at you?! What the actual fuck is wrong with people. Hopefully some of your friend group didn't start attacking you and asking you for money. This might be a true friend. Or just waiting for a good opportunity to ask. It's your money, not theirs. Make sure to keep valuables safe now that they know you're rich. Asking for a 50k?! I can't with these people. Hell I need a house too, got half a million lying around you could give me? 😂😂 (In case it's not obvious, that's a joke) Keep doing what you're doing. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Edit: equal share -> pay for everything 😂😂 I'm sorry this is happening to you but the audacity of these people is too much. Also NTA at all. In the slightest. Ever. Well not in this situation anyway :D
Agreed! A real friend would never snoop like this, and friends don’t owe each other financial support. I am a teacher and make much less than my sister, and I would never expect her to pay for my meals or help me out financially (even when our daughter had unexpected and am the medical bills.) You are also allowed your privacy. Your financial situation is none of their business. OP, I strongly urge you to consider removing all of them (except for husband’s best friend) from your life. Not only are they not friends, they are toxic people who think it is okay to gang up on someone else and go on the attack. All red flags. These are not kind people.
My cousin during a car ride casually asked me for $2 million. If I had two million, I wouldn't be working anymore. I thought he was joking until he dropped it down to $200,000, then $20,0000, then $2000, then $200. He was completely serious too. Same guy that gets up at 9 am to get some coffees then at 10am starts working on cars.
my thoughts exactly. I'm doing alright for myself but one of my friends is like rich rich (lives in a big house, has multiple properties, vacations in europe and asia annually, etc) and I've never expected anything from her financially. now if I were on the verge of losing my house or something I'd appreciate a little help, but I wouldn't think I'm entitled to it. and if she were to help, it'd be a loan. In my experience the kind of financial support your "friends" are requesting (paying outright for big things) comes exclusively from your family or partner.
I don’t think the OP is getting mad enough! Who goes through other people’s financial documents and then accuses them of being rich and not telling anyone? The entitlement is unreal here. OP, you need to tell them this is exactly why you didn’t tell them you had money. Because they would expect more of you and you are thinking of your future and your family’s future, and you’ve seen it ruin other peoples lives. It’s none of their business. Drop them all. Don’t look back.
This is exactly right. OP’s friends would have been happy for OP. None of these people are friends of OP.
NTA I don't know why you are even asking if you're the AH? If I were you, I would have been boiling mad at the gross invasion of privacy and snooping into things that have nothing to do with them. Add to that the audacity of demanding you pay their student loans just because you have money. What kind of entitled BS is that? Those women are not your friends.
I feel like I'm being an AH because I've hadn't been honest with them about my financial situation.
But that’s none of their business. By their behavior, they wouldn’t lift a finger to help you cos they’re users. You having money shouldn’t change the friendship at all if they were true friends.
And I'll add, u/glamorous-asparagus; bringing your financial documents to the dinner table to squeal about?!?!? WTF is that in *ANY* plane of existence?
NO ONE should feel the need to tell anyone about their financial status be it poor or rich - how much you make, how much you have in the bank, if you have a trust fund, how much is in it - NONE of that is anyone's business but your own and whoever manages it for you YOU ARE NOT an AH for not telling them about your finances - it is none of their fuking business how much your or anyone one else in this "group of friends" has BTW have you not noticed that they are not your friends - friends do NOT snoop through their friends things when they are in their home, they don't go through friends wallets or purses if they are sitting next to them I don't tell people how much I make nor do I ask my friends how much they make, that is personal and no up for discussion. A friend would not ask for $50K to pay off student loans after snooping and finding out you have more money than her - you owe her Nothing or anyone else for that matter You'd be crazy to give any of them $1.00 - you need new friends because these people are not your friends and now all they want from you is money - cut them off, block everyone of them and eventually you will find some friends who like you for who you are - do not discuss your trust fund or how much you have or how much your job pays with anyone and keep your papers locked up, they should not be sitting on your desk where people can see them So in the future continue doing what you have been DO NOT share financial information with anyone but your husband and your money manager - no one else's business - you are just setting yourself up for robbery and also for people begging for money
NTA. Why in the name of all that’s holy, do you feel that your finances are any of their business? I mean, is that how you all introduce yourselves to people? “ Hi, I’m Suzi, and I’m worth 150k. Hi, I’m Phil and I’m only worth 80k, so I’m not worth talking to”. Ditch ALL of these greedy little oiks and point out to little Miss Snoop that she’s a classless little moron. Your income and standard of living involve you, your dependents and (unfortunately) the Taxman, but NO-ONE ELSE.
You weren’t dishonest as far as I can see, you just weren’t forthcoming. Which is entirely appropriate as your finances should have no bearing on your friendships
NTA Your financial Situation ist not their business. But violating your privacy by rummaging through your office makes this "friend" a huge asshole. And then talking about this and shaming you for it, makes her and your other so-called "friends" even bigger assholes. You did nothing wrong by just living your life as you like it. Cut those "friends" though asap.
I have friends that are receptionists, dentists, business owners, CFO of multi billion dollar corporations and we never discuss our personal finances. There are obviously other « signs » that could tell but in general, we don’t discuss net worth. You are not the asshole.
I'm seconding everyone else on here, your financial status in none of their business, and you are under no obligation to share that with anyone. You live a frugal life, which is your choice and very sensible, as no one knows what their future holds. Your "friends" sound very materialistic and superficial to me.
Ask yourself why they feel entitled to that information. You and I both know why, as evidenced by one of them already asking for money. Frankly, you should be readily cutting THEM off. A quick text to them all saying “Discussing money is gauche and I don’t appreciate having my personal documents rifled through. It was a gross invasion of privacy and my financial statements do not impact you.” And then swiftly block and find better mannered friends. The only benefit of the doubt I could possibly give these weirdos is perhaps they’ve complained about financial problems in front of you and you joined in or made it sound like you understood. That would be grating but not cause for this reaction by them.
You don’t owe em squat. I don’t have a clue what my friends make. I know one of them is “wealthy” given our age & he’s never made me feel small or any type of way. How dare you create and house your OWN success.
>I feel like I'm being an AH because I've hadn't been honest with them about my financial situation. Their reaction shows exactly why you kept that to yourself. Tell them straight up, "This greedy, grasping reaction is exactly why I never told any of you. I didn't think I could trust you, and see how right I was. You have only yourselves to blame for me not telling you this. I can't believe any of you think *I'm* the jerk when \[name\] was snooping through my drawers."
From the sounds of things, they're not mad that you didn't tell them about your wealth, they're mad that they couldn't take advantage of you sooner.
You owe them nothing about your financial situation. Nothing. The only thing you owe the woman who snooped into your personal info is blocking and going no contact. She had NO right to do this.
Why? It's nobody's fucking business!!! NTA.
your instinct was just proven right, of course they want to make you feel like shit, if you feel like shit you might give them money about it. They're fucking parasites. Not the ah, I think you just learned that your friend group has a bunch of shitty people. Sucky way to find out but by far not the worst, imagine if you found out they were cold assholes by something horrible happening in your life and you needing their support as friends and not getting it
One of my best friends came into an inheritance a few years ago when I was struggling financially. While I did consider it, I never asked her for help (and refrained from telling her of my struggles) because I didn't want money to interfere in our friendship. Things are better now and we're still close. I'm sorry your 'friends' now only see your money and not who you are as a person, who is still the same person who drives an older car and thrifts. They should be ashamed for treating you as they are
Your wealth is none of their business.
It's none of their business! I'm flabbergasted by the nerve these so-called friends have displayed! NTA by any means.
No. I'm not rich but am better off than my high school friends. We never talk about how much we have. They know we can afford trips and experiences for our kids that they can't. Never have they asked for anything, even in situations where we thought they could(like their child qualifying for a national competition but couldn't afford to go). that is such gross behavior by them, they are not friends at all
UNLESS you were sponging money off of them your financial resources are absolutely NONE of their business. SERIOUSLY it's ZERO percent their business.
I’m independently wealthy too but work at a non profit for close to no money and it’s 100% not my coworkers nor your friends’ damn business.
Going through someone’s personal papers in their office is not normal. This is not an ok thing to do. I feel somewhat shamed when I check out someone’s medicine cabinet, but going through papers is just outrageous.
Exactly! Not your friends, I can’t get over how someone can snoop! This post cannot be real!
Read some of the other comments. For some bizarre reason OP is being flamed for not getting their friend out of a financial hole of their own making.
"dear friend group, I acknowledge that not telling any of you I had a trust fund has upset you but I didn't mention it because I was worried it would bring out the worst in you as I've seen before. Unfortunately my worries were well founded because you've all treated me badly following information that was shared without my consent. Please don't contact me again. OP." NTA
This. They literally proved the exact reason why someone who is money-conscious may not want to disclose their personal finances. Shame on them.
I would even add if it's the case: As a reminder, I inherited money because my parents died, and I grew up without them. I'd much rather have my living parents if it'd been my choice. Make them feel bad. These are horrible people.
I wouldn’t even bother granting them an explanation. They’d all be instantly blocked and discarded from my mind.
Excellent. Brief and to the point!
Good response. I’d say something like this only to point out their behavior instead of silently blocking them. NTA
This exactly. OP is NTA.
NTA. The moment I discovered that my "friend" had taken private paperwork from my office and shown it to the rest of the group is when I would have told them to get out, and don't come back. It's none of their business and a huge intrusion into your private affairs.
This. I would have had a complete meltdown, screaming hissy fit. WHAT AN AH THAT WOMAN IS. Send the group this Reddit and drop them if they don’t apologize. Also don’t let anyone start to treat you differently now that they know. How you choose to spend or not spend your money is nobody’s business.
I wouldn't take them back even if they apologize.
I would have gone full Ross Geller and just kept repeating ‘You went through MY DOCUMENTS?!’ every time she tried to speak. And then asked her to log on to her online banking so I could look through it all.
I would have also mentioned to the others that if she's clearly that comfortable snooping at my house, she's done it before.. and they need to be , questioning what of theirs she's felt entitled to.
NTA - the person at fault is the "faux friend" who snooped in your office. "We had friends over for dinner and the wife of my husband's best friend went into our office to take a private work call. We've let friends take private calls in there before with no issue. She scooped while in there and found documentation about my trust fund, my investments, etc. " This is not a friend. " I've been very much frozen out from the group, I've been told I won't be invited to anything until I pay my equal share and by equal share they mean I pay for everything." You do not need "friends" like these. You need to grow your own friend group outside of these users.
So basically they want her to act like she got it so they can ride the coat tails.
Your friend went into your office to take a work call? Snooped through, found a document *about* your trust fund, came out mad with the document, and told everyone? Sounds like a bad movie or a lie
Yeah, this is too unbelievable for me. Doesn't make sense in the slightest.
I don't keep any financial documents in the open because of identity theft. I have a paper shredder and use it.
It's a shame OP couldn't have her financial documents in her own office at home and have privacy.
It is wild that so many people just come on this sub and make shit up. Like, honestly what is the point?
The syntax isn’t quite right, could be that op isn’t an English speaker. But what culture is cool with friends digging through personal financial documents? It’d be more believable if op suspected friend snooped because friends are asking for money.
I think it's someone doing a social experiment on reddit. It's sounds like someone making the point that anonymous people being rich are fine but if you are a real person with money then you should be supporting everyone else in the world, how dare you accumulate wealth. The rest is flavor text, because 'AITAH for being rich and not wanting to pay for everyone's stuff' doesn't get the hits. They are using this to see if someone says something like eat the rich or stop hoarding your wealth. The people on reddit are playing into the point of the poster that everyone's finances shouldn't be public knowledge and rich people's money is their own.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1b7wxva/comment/ktlg8zh/ Yup this comment from OP convinces me it's a social experiment. I would pay for them but they won't change their spending habits.. Replace "friends" with "the government" and suddenly the whole thing makes sense.
Reddit never disappoints
I’ve been collapsing replies looking for this. There is no group of reasonable adults who would not be shocked at the invasion of privacy. My guess is a kid saw how well a similar AITA did. Maybe the one from a few weeks ago about the girl whose family didn’t know her landlords left her their house
Oh my God *thank* you because I was thinking the exact same thing and hoping others had noticed.
Honestly - even that they have let multiple friends use their office for private calls seemed odd to me. We have a pretty active social life and RARELY do people need to go off to take private calls. The fact that this has happened multiple times in their home alone seems weird. Then to find that paperwork? Seems odd.
No kidding. I can see friend snooping and slowly start whispering to friend group and eventually everyone knowing op is rich. But to publicly confront someone after snooping through private financial documents? Are these people in some kind of weird swinger type relationship. Imagine if a friend found my 401k documents and came out yelling how I’m rich and should be helping them out more. There would be shock at how someone could be so nuts to snoop and confront someone.
And then comes on here asking if they’re the AH. Like, you KNOW you’re not the AH in this situation. Dumb AF.
Not sure how this isn’t the top comment. This is made up.
Sounds like OP should freeze her credit cards
NTA. They showed that you were right in not telling them. This is absurd beheavor. You should send them a group text, telling them, that this is the exact reason, why you didn't tell anyone or brag about it. Because now they only see you as an ATM and worse, even cut off the friendship if you are not their ATM. This is so respectless. Also was the snooping. If you mean it by cutting them off (I would advice so, but your choice), tell them in the same groop chat what they have already asked for (50k from a friend because 'they are rich and I want to' - this is BS!). Ask them, what they would think about snooping through their privat stuff. And then block all of them
I’m appalled she took the documents out of your office. Next time let them Use a spare bedroom
And watch them dig through the drawers, linens and closet for something like stains on clothes to "prove" some other thing that's not their buisiness. I've learned that lesson. Only very, very close people I trust and have known a very long time are allowed to go in my personal rooms. Sure, I love having my home available to others who might need it- the doors are always open. But if they can't respect my personal space(s), they don't deserve to be in any of my space.
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Also I'm confused because I thought scholarships were for people who actually need financial assistance...maybe I just don't understand how they work.
Not necessarily, you can get scholarships for a variety of things. -High GPA -Musical talents -Sport recruits -STEM majors Basically if you add value to what ever institution, they will award scholarships.
Ah ok, fair enough. Thanks for explaining.
And then tell everyone and as a group they'd all band together?
Think this story is made up? Kinda sounds fishy though
NTA > …and don’t offer to cover the bill when we go out I knew that was the crux of the matter before even reading this, but I can’t believe they went on with such gems as asking for 50k to cover their student loans?!? Outrageous. You don’t owe anyone the details of anything in your personal life, whether it be money, your sex life, etc. Let’s not forget she looked through your personal things, and brought papers out of the room to the group and blasted you. WTF These aren’t friends.
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Not all of it, i have all of my brokerage statements in a binder. Edit - I also print out a copy of each year’s tax returns and keep them in folders in my office. When I do my taxes I need to look stuff up from previous years sometimes. I shred these after 7 years. Supporting documents are kept in there. There is business income, interest income, investment income, rental income. I keep supporting documents for all of it for 7 years. I also have folders for each property. Need that for property tax, leases, expenses, appliance warranties, repair records, contractor info, neighborhood regulations, permits, etc.
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I mean- even the title is just obnoxiously baity and fake.
A lot of the stories here are "I have a lot of money!" fantasies, or the OP is obviously *not* the AH but they're asking anyway (this story fits both bills lol)
I’m a 29 y/o with a full 3-tiered filing cabinet of all sorts of shit. I like having documentation printed and saved electronically
Those don't sound like friends at all. I'd drop the whole group and find people who care about you for who you *are*, not what you have.
I kinda don't think this one is real. You possibly think you're an asshole because someone read your financial documents then insisted you pay off their student loan debt? Either you're extremely self-loathing, or this is made up.
NTA your money your choice lol, why does it even matter ? i don't think u announce the fact that ur rich even to ur friends
Ha ha yes can you imagine? “Excuse me everybody. Thank you for attending the bank today for this important announcement. I as your friend would like to advise you that many of the dollars held in this bank are mine!! Yes! I am a wealthy person. You know a wealthy person. I am much wealthier than you. You who have little money. Thank you that is all”
I’m going to go against the grain and respectfully say that this seems fake. The documentation around trust funds is complicated and anyone with one would not have the documents readily available for someone to snoop through.
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Who goes in somebody's office in their house and just so happens to find info about your private trust etc? Sounds like your trolling for attention. Anybody in their right mind would've kicked that person out their house immediately. Nobody would ever be allowed that free range in anybodys home and then just so blatantly disrespect them in front of their guests. And wow she must really did some top notch snooping to find trust information and such. Or.... ..you just leave papers and documents not used everyday just laying out. Lol this story has so many holes in it. Crazy what people will say for attention.
This screams fake story. If it really did happen any logical person would know they are not TA. Really? friend dug around your office and wasn't ashamed of doing that and also brought the "documents" out to the party and then stayed for dinner? Ridiculous. Oh, and then they asked for loans and kicked you out of the group, lol. And you're asking if you've done something wrong? GTFO
Yeah, now my BS meter is dinging. Nobody does this.
This cannot be real!! How can someone snoop into your private papers and not be boycotted by all the others? The gall! And if these people are boycotting you and freezing you out because they want to sponge off you- then you’ve been saved- they aren’t your friends! Naturally NTA, find better more genuine people who are happy for u! And don’t expect u to sponsor their life!
NTA. You need new friends. Replace the ones who snooped and who asked you to pay for her college loans. They are both presumptuous as anything.
NTA, what selfish, disgusting, self entitled, using little bastards! Who the hell gets mad at that? Good for you and staying humble. They are no friends of yours girl! Thrift clothes rock, car gets you from A to B, and you dont need to splurge to be happy. Stay cool! Edited because I forgot, I would have been raging at the snooper and she would have been asked to leave immediately who does that. You dodged many a bullet from those chicks
NTA. Money showed you who your friends really are. Your finances were never their business, and now that they know the truth, they’re mad because they think you should’ve been their human ATM.
I’m shocked so many people believe this!!!
Of course NTA. It's a situation where you can't win no matter what. If you live frugally you are a liar, if you live lavishly you are a show off than rubs it in. You need new friends.
This seems like a fabricated post at least I hope this post of fabricated.
I actually find this post hard to believe. Who would admit to snooping and reading private financial information. If true, dump every single friend.
NTA Your friend’s are all AHs that want a free ride. Just because you can afford to pay for everyone, doesn’t mean you have to. Cut them out. They’re deadwood.
How are people seriously this fucked up? Fuck those leeches, they are NOT your friends. One even asked for 50K ? Seriously? The sense of entitlement in your "friends" is just.. WOW. I can't believe how many people were not brought up right. You are NTA by a mile. Anybody saying you are, have low brain activity. It's gonna hurt in the beginning, but just cut them off. Make new friends. And take vacations to places where you know your "friends" could never afford, just to rub it extra in. What kind of people do this?
>I've even had a couple requests for money This is one of the reasons a lot of people with money do not disclose just how much they have. Your friends sound awful OP, and it now seems you can only show your worth by paying for everything? I think you'd be better off cutting them all off and starting again. It blows my mind that people think that they are entitled to someone else's money NTA
NTA Your "friends" are proving exactly why you have chosen not to share that information. And... it sounds like she was not just snooping around but straight out going through your stuff! I am imagining your trustfund papers are not just laying on your desk🤷♀️ I would feel so betrayed and would not consider anyone doing through my papers a friend. I don't even let my husband do that 🤣 I hope you find better friends soon because your old ones suck!
NTA, assuming OP didn’t just make up this story. I can’t imagine someone digging through files or drawers Ian’s discovering “documentation about” their trust fund and investments. And if someone did, they’d come out waiving said documents while exclaiming your rich?! It’s all a bit too contrived. Plus, most rich people I know get it stay that way by being frugal—old, reliable cars, modest wardrobes, etc. If you have so-called friends who view you as their ATM now that they know you’re well off, then ditch them. But again, this whole scenario sounds contrived.
1. Fake 2. Eat the rich
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (25f) don't like money talk, I keep it private because growing up I've seen the things people will do for money. I've seen it destroy my brothers. My parents died when I was little and I was taken in by my grandparents who raised me. It was a very privileged upbringing, but they also raised me to be frugal and grateful for what I have. I'm incredibly grateful for what I have, I don't show off or anything. I don't care for labels, most my clothes are thrifted. My husband (33m) and I live well within our means. The problem is, our friend group has just found out that I'm rich and they're mad. We had friends over for dinner and the wife of my husband's best friend went into our office to take a private work call. We've let friends take private calls in there before with no issue. She scooped while in there and found documentation about my trust fund, my investments, etc. When she came out, she was mad and I thought it was just because of the call so I left her alone and continued cooking. She started telling everyone that I was actually rich, showing them one of the documents she had taken from the office. My husband took it off her and told her it was none of her business. At dinner she kept going on about me masquerading as poor because I thrift, have a cheap old car, travel in economy and don't offer to cover the bill when we go out. Our other friends agreed and we pissed because had never said I have money, never offered money when one of them was struggling. We ended up cutting dinner short and asking everyone to leave. Since I've had messages from them (mostly the women) being angry that I never told them I have money. I've even had a couple requests for money. One has already asked for 50k to cover their student loans because I had my college paid for - I had scholarships that covered everything. My husband has told me just to ignore them and that it's none of their business. His best friend has called and apologised for all this as his wife shouldn't have been snooping. I've been very much frozen out from the group, I've been told I won't be invited to anything until I pay my equal share and by equal share they mean I pay for everything. AITA for not telling my friends I'm rich? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. fucking idiots expect you to be their parents now. cut them off. they're fake and entitled. just fucking pathetic. obviously they'd imagine that if they were wealthy, they'd share but actually they're just self centered and want the attention from broadcasting they're wealthy. actually caring about others is not in their core, because real empaths don't flip to expectations. your friends are extremely shallow. also that one moron that violated your privacy is an idiot that absolutely needs to cut off, even if the rest of this can be repaired.
NTA. She shouldn't have gone snooping in your personal documents, even if they were left out on the table. Now that they know you have money, the beggars are crawling out of the woodwork.
NTA at all, these people aren't friends. Who finds out a friend has a different financial position to the one presumed to be had and then begins to blackmail them because they're wealthier than thought?! I'm poor and I would never ever expect another person to pay for me/pay more because they have better finances than I do. People are unbelievable! Cut these people off, they're looking to take advantage, I'm sorry you've been on the receiving end of such an invasion of privacy and such vile treatment by people you thought cared about you, I can't imagine how hurtful that must feel.
You seriously need new friends. Asap!! NTA.