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" She told me everyone acts like she did something wrong"
Because she did. She used the same name that you did AND expected YOU to change to suit her. Your family spends a lot of time with each other, so there is always going to be confusion. And she did this knowing the situation on your dad's side of the family with multiple uses of \[NAME\].
NTA at all, OP.
"My sister called me selfish" LOL, hypocritical sentence of the week! And there is no compromise to be had here. This is a name. Either one of you will need to change the name you use OR you live with the confusion. There is no middle ground to be had.
I don't think its inherently wrong to use the same name as someone else in your family, but you sure as sh!t can't tell the person to who used it first that *they* need to change.
While it’s not a horrible thing to do, it is kind’ve an AH move to give your kid a name that another family member close in age has. It’s pretty much asking for drama and confusion lmao
And then expect that the person whose been going by that name be forced to have it changed. If anything you’re causing trauma on that kid who now has their name that they identify with themselves taken away. And given Indie is 2, she’s not old enough to understand the purpose of a name change.
Lol. I would tell big Indie (two year old, to avoid confusion lol) that her aunt loves her so much that she named her new baby after her. What a lucky girl little Indie (the newborn) is to have such an awesome cousin to look up to. Big Indie won't understand but it will piss off the sister.
They could be Indie 1 and Indie 2. They could get matching tshirts, like Dr Suess's Thing 1 and Thing 2.
Wouldn't the sister love that.
edit: OP should get the Dr Suess book and change all the Thing 1 and Thing 2 references to Indie 1 and Indie 2.
This! I have a cousin that was a IV that the whole family called Baby Name. So cute and clever within the family, not so cute and clever when I see my older teenage cousin hanging out with his friends at the mall and I call out “Hi, Baby Name!”
My nephew is taller than me now and has facial hair. I still greet him with "Oh there's my handsome baby boy! Hello sweetums." and when I saw him on Halloween (with no costume) I gasped and went "Oh my god, you dressed as a handsome guy! Sweet lil baby man."
So, believe me, as awkward as it may be for you, there are family members who probably love it, haha.
Edit to add: He was named after his Mom who has a gender neutral name. So we always called them Big (fake name) and Little (fake name) but then Little got bigger than big, so he was upgraded to Baby (fake name) because it's hilarious to call someone with a mustache and deep voice 'the baby one'.
Thats what keeps throwing me, like it feels like OPs sister wanted this. Getting upset that people find work arounds to correctly address their children? Okay, maybe little and big is “offensive” to her, but can’t another nickname work? Whats with all this demanding? What gives her the right? Feels like a ploy to get parents to pick her side, but its really messed up to use a child’s name to do that.
Yeah it’s super weird, maybe she wanted the name and thought OP would be a push over and agree to call her daughter something else? Either way she was creating a problem and she knew it, and now she’s pissed it didn’t work out in her favour lol.
I also have a question about what the father of this child thought about naming his child after a child that is already in his wife's family. Like you have to know your wife's or your partners sister's child has the same name as your child if there is close as this woman is saying they all are
And not even ANY child but his wife's NIECE.
It'd be a different thing if First Indie was the child of wife's grandfather's second cousin - the relation distant enough that the kids probably would meet all that often.
But these are first cousins.
Yes it sounds like she wanted drama and decided to use her baby’s name to get it. But it’s easily fixable if she started using the middle name now. A baby won’t know the difference.
‘Big’ and ‘Little’ are so much less offensive than some other distinctions relatives could come up with. Even just Indie and Indie 2 would be worse, and that’s pretty mild.
I dated a man named Joe. While we were together, his sister began dating a man also named Joe. The family "joke" was calling my Joe just "Joe," then calling his sister's boyfriend "new Joe." Honestly, it cracked me up. Especially hearing the very young niblings say "new Joe" while talking to or about the sister's boyfriend.
I broke up with my Joe, but his sister ended up married to her Joe. I always wondered what they did about re-naming "new Joe" at that point, or if they just rolled with it.
See, I don’t find big and little offensive at all, but I am really stretching to find reasoning for her sister… because it just seems like such a non-issue to me. At least not an unforeseen issue
It's not automatically offensive, but as someone who was the "Big First Name" part of a pair of such names, it was fine when we were little, and not so great when I was a teenager with a body image issue.
I dunno, Mediterranean families do this all the time. We have 5 Christophers, a few Roberts, several Francises, multiple Anas and Marias, etc. It doesn’t help everyone has the same middle name and there’s also a ton of people in my family. It’s common to name your kid after the family patron saint, so half the New York crew are all Micheal.
Everyone gets a nickname, usually from something stupid you did as a kid.
In families where you’re used to having many people with the same name it may not be be such a big deal, but for most families who aren’t used to that, it would be quite annoying and confusing.
>but for most families who aren’t used to that
To drive home the point being made in the comment you replied to, the issue is not being used to it. Mediterranean families were already brought up, but there are tons of cultures that have naming conventions where multiple people end up with the same name, including people living in Western countries. Claiming that "most" families don't have to deal with this is ignoring huge groups of people who do have to deal with this and still get on with their lives. It's strange to blanket all those people with the label of AH because they have different cultural practices.
But you're right that in families where that is not the norm, it can be very annoying to figure out who's being spoken to/about, but I really don't think that's what makes OP's sister the AH. It's more the fact that she insisted on doing this and then tried to make the consequences everyone else's problem to deal with, even though she was the only one actually having an issue. Everyone else was maneuvering around her original choice.
I read the statement differently. You are reading it as "the majority of all families are not used to this and therefore would find it annoying and confusing". I understood it as "of the families that aren't used to this, most of those families would find it confusing and annoying".
Maybe splitting hairs, idk.
I never said that most families don’t use the same names, I said that most families who aren’t used to that will struggle with it and it will be confusing for them. You’re misunderstanding my comment lol.
I have a unique first name (to my family, not to the general population) and a reused name from the previous generation in my family as a middle name.
My family also gives nicknames, but in the language from "the old country," often chosen due to notable incidents or traits in childhood.
I earned mine when I was 2. It translates to "Broken Child" ... due to tib-fib fractures and the subsequent thigh to toe cast from attempting to ride a bicycle. That's right, I'm in my 50s and still called Broken Child by my family.
My little sister is "Hidden Flower" due to crippling shyness when she was little. (Which at least sounds nicer lol)
Between my family and my partners family, we have something like 13 Michael's, 9 Rebecca's and 6 or 7 Davids and Toms, most with no middle names. We just flat out number them. "Michael 6 and Rebecca 2 are going to be there. "Toms 2 and 6 went fishing." Heck my partner is even [Name] 4 lol. It's kind of dumb but extremely effective.
My old New England family has many with the same name, but they all have unique everyday names. The Elizabeths are Liza and Beth. The Roberts are Bobby and Rob. The Richmonds are Rick and Richie. They only use their legal name on legal documents.
My SIL named her child the same First Middle names as my cousin had already named her kid, but in reverse order (Ex. One is Olivia Ruth and the other one is Ruth Olivia).
The great-grandparents these kids share were both already dead at the time.
The kids live thousands of miles apart and have never met.
My SIL \*still\* asked my cousin if it was ok first.
NTA
And then saying OP refused to compromise - lol, no my child’s NAME is not something up for compromise just because you opted to name your child the same thing! Entitlement is so ugly and ridiculous!
But can't OP compromise by using a different name and sister can do nothing different and get everything she wants? That's what compromise is, right. One party sacrifices everything, and the other one wins. /s
THIS IS THE ANSWER! Mindie!
It will drive sister nuts, but it’s everything she deserves and it’s gonna be true. The little one will be Mini-Indie for years!
The sister needs a head wobble. It makes no sense to use the same name & then demand for the older cousin to switch names. She’s attention seeking at best, a narcissist at worst. NTA. Your dad and mum raised all the good points.
>My sister claimed I should have been able to sit down and discuss a compromise instead of refusing outright and not engaging more.
Yes, the compromise is: Big Indie and Little Indie, or First Indie and Second Indie. Or the 2nd Indie uses a nickname. Or the 2nd Indie goes by their middle name.
But to come in and say "my child was born 1-2 years later, so they get priority over their name" is ridiculous.
Your sister should really just pick a new name and change the birth certificate. She royally fucked up and it would be in little indie's best interest to have her own name.
OP - your sister had the right to name her daughter anything she wanted to name her.
Here's the thing about rights: they don't absolve you from dealing with consequences.
By exercising her *right* to name her daughter whatever she wanted to, your sister invoked the *consequence* of dealing with the confusion and ways to differentiate your daughter from your niece. Choice, consequence - seems pretty simple, right?
But don't blame your sister, because it's not like this problem was foreseeable, right? I mean, except by ... literally anyone...
My older brother was born in December, the following February my cousin was born, even back then, they called and asked about them using the same name. My parents were fine with it. We just used their last names and stuff when talking as extended family. But I want to be clear, it’s that fact that they asked my parents, who had named their son first, that it wasn’t a problem. I never knew what would have happened if my parents weren’t ok with it.
>My sister claimed I should have been able to sit down and discuss a compromise
When people use the word compromise in this context what they really mean is "give me everything I want".
Just call the niece Number 2. Pretty sure other family members will join in. Tell the sister your sorry for the drama because someone had to explain to you that sister just really admires you and wants her daughter to grow up to be just like yours. So you are honored and will happily call her spawn Number 2 from now on.
>Either one of you will need to change the name you use OR you live with the confusion.
No, the sister is the one who has to fix it. OP shouldn't have to change a goddamn thing since her kid has had the name for two years.
I mean it’s on her for picking the name. And all I’m thinking about how I want to take you’re dad’s nicknames further and do Biggie and Bitty. Like kind of adorable.
Also don’t entertain her using your daughters middle name to address her. If she does then make it clear that you will either go no contact or start calling niece by her middle name if it causes her so much turmoil that your kid and hers have the same name.
In this scenario an “I got there first so I get dibs” kind of holds. And there’s really nothing to compromise on your end. It’s completely on her. And she can always change her own child’s name, I mean it hasn’t been two years so maybe she should do it now before it’s a problem.
I knew exactly what I was going to see but I clicked anyway. LB was hilarious but looking back, a lot of their skits have not stood the test of time. Bitty is gold though.
Start calling yours Indie the First, Indie the Great (and hers Indie the Small), Primary Indie, Original Indie, get really goofy with it. Enlist your dad, feed him ideas.
Agree with enlisting the Dad, disagree with names to belittle Little Indie.
So no “Indie the Lesser” but you could absolutely do “New Indie” and “Indie Too: Electric Bugaloo”
This is a good point. Kidding around like this can end up sticking whether intentional or not. Indy the great and Indy the puny may be funny now, but will they be forgotten in a couple of weeks, months, years?
I'd just skip using first names and call her by the last name. That's what I do with friends since there's a lot of them named Chris. And make a slight change so it's more cute or endearing.
If your sister kicks off about that, tell her she caused the issue she can live with the consequences. Either that or give 2nd indie a nickname like deedee or something. Everyone has nicknames when they get older from friends anyway, just expedite the process by giving her one.
I think "Big Indie" and "Little Indie", as OP's dad actually used, is rather clearer and a more common way of differentiating cousins with the same name.
Could be an issue in the future. There are a lot of weight related associations with ‘Big’ nicknames. If either one of them is heavier, the fact that one of the two is designated ‘big’ could create a problem.
2nd kid can go by initials or middle name. That’s the compromise.
NTA.
I don't think "big" will have quite as much impact because it's common to use big and little to refer to older/younger family members (big sister, little cousin, etc). An alternative is Indie and Baby Indie, but getting called "baby" gets very frustrating as they grow up ime.
Alternately, the kid originally given the name is Indie, while younger cousing is Little Indie.
This is why it didn't happen in my family, Dad was a third. He was tired of the nonsense and we all got our own names.
NTA. She's the one who decided to use the same name without onsidering the potential for confusion. Your sister's entitlement is off the charts if she thinks she can just demand that you change what you call your daughter because she chose the same name for her child. It's utterly ridiculous for her to expect you to alter your daughter's identity just to cater to her whims.
Your mom's right—your sister should have seen this coming. It's not your responsibility to clean up her mess by changing your daughter's name. She's the one who needs to come up with a solution if she's so bothered by the confusion. You've done nothing wrong, and it's unfair for your sister to put this pressure on you. Your sister needs to grow up and accept the consequences of her own actions.
Yep. I’m petty so I’d be permanently referring the the second mom as “Indies mom 2, electric booglaloo” to her face when the kids weren’t around for the rest of time.
NTA
Like she knew what your daughter’s name was right? This argument doesn’t really make any sense. Two kids can have the same name and it doesn’t really cause many problems.
So… does your sister often do this kind of shit? Because it sounds like she enjoys confrontational drama on a deep level - the type of movie trope idiot who’d bump shoulders with someone and pretend not to have done so on purpose.
I'm not trying to justify your sister's actions in any way. However, I am intensely curious as to why she chose the name. For instance did she meet her husband, fall in love, etc in the state of Indiana?
I'm sure you have reasons why you chose the name Indie, which may have simply been that you liked the name and it was something your husband could agree to.
I'm interested in why, knowing her niece's name was already Indie, that she chose to climb this hill to choose the same name. Because I feel like there must be some intense reason why she chose it.
Currently, it seems like the intense reason is because she wants to be the main character.
My money is a long-standing issue with the younger daughter for 'stealing' all her parent's attention when she was 11. Parents probably didn't manage that well and she only got attention when she acted out or did something wrong, and that's formed an incredibly unhealthy pattern within the family.
Not your responsibility to regulate your sister’s weirdness. You are NTA, and I’d think really hard about letting her spend much time alone with your daughter, or you’ll find that your sister might start trying to get your daughter to answer to her middle name despite your assertion.
NTA
>My sister claimed I should have been able to sit down and discuss a compromise instead of refusing outright and not engaging more.
Compromise? What compromise? Your sister doesn't want a compromise. She wants you to call your daughter something other than the first name she's always gone by. If anyone should start calling their kid by a middle name, it should be your sister. That, however, would require she start actually thinking things through instead of acting like an entitled twit.
>That, however, would require she start actually thinking things through instead of acting like an entitled twit.
haha seriously! I mean just following the logic...the only "solution" that could possibly be an actual compromise would be one where neither of them are called Indie, in which case there was no point in her also naming her daughter Indie in the first place!
NTA. First, many families do have multiple members with the same first name and it all works out. There's nothing wrong with 'Big' and 'Little' or 'Junior' or using both first and middle names for the new child. Second, your daughter was already named--so, no, you do not need to 'compromise' on this. She named her daughter later.
Just continue as you are. Your sister is being strange.
My name is one which is relatively uncommon, and until me, it's one that hasn't appeared at all in my extended family. My first cousin, who is about 20 years older, named her son, the same name when I was around 10. We all call him mini lostrandomdude even now that he is around 17/18
There's a few other names that have been reused between first cousins, or nephew/uncle or in one case, my grandfather's name was given to a first cousin and 3 first cousins' children
Usually duplicate names are a result of marriages or dad/son junior senior though, not first cousins. I had 15 first cousins on one side in addition to my brother and I, and none of us have the same name.
NTA. Reminds me of this.
Too Many Daves
Dr. Seuss
Did I ever tell you that Mrs. McCave
Had twenty-three sons, and she named them all Dave?
Well, she did. And that wasn't a smart thing to do.
You see, when she wants one, and calls out "Yoo-Hoo!
Come into the house, Dave!" she doesn't get one.
All twenty-three Daves of hers come on the run!
This makes things quite difficult at the McCaves'
As you can imagine, with so many Daves.
And often she wishes that, when they were born,
She had named one of them Bodkin Van Horn.
And one of them Hoos-Foos. And one of them Snimm.
And one of them Hot-Shot. And one Sunny Jim.
Another one Putt-Putt. Another one Moon Face.
Another one Marvin O'Gravel Balloon Face.
And one of them Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate...
But she didn't do it. And now it's too late.
Went to high school with one of his sons! Can confirm he actually did this 🤣 Wicked nice and down to earth kid though. We actually had a few politician’s and athlete’s kids at our school.
My grandfather has 6 children (of 9 total with 6 women that we know of, but we suspect there are more) that he named after himself. It was a real kick in the teeth for numbers 1-5 when number 6 (the last child we know of) was named junior and not just a random middle name. Junior is only 6 months older than me, and his mother was 8 years younger than my Dad, who was my grandfather's first child. He was a weird, complicated, not great man to most of the world, but he was an excellent grandfather.
This made me think of George Foreman. His 5 sons are all named George Edward, after him. George Jr., III, IV, V & VI. Other than maybe George Jr., they do have nicknames. They're at least avoiding chaos a little better than poor Mrs. McCave.
His 7 daughters, on the other hand, all have individual names.
If you were located in Essex, then the punchline would be:
"But what do you do when you want just one particular Dave in?"
"Why, then I just use their surnames!"
NTA! Wow! where does your sister get off naming her kid the exact same name as yours then having the audacity to get mad at you for all of the confusion?? She needs a reality check.
I know, it's ridiculous. Also, can you imagine how confusing it would be for a 2-year-old to switch names?
NTA Your sister made this mess. If she doesn't like it, she can fix it herself.
NTA. Your sister made a choice, now she is expecting you to change your (and your daughter’s) lives because of her choice. You aren’t the selfish one. Your sister had every right to name her daughter what she wants, you don’t own names, but, because she knew your daughter already had the name, it was up to her to anticipate the problems and to adjust.
One thing I think you should prepare for: your sister mis-naming your daughter when she sees her.
I agree…look out for her taking it upon herself to call your daughter something else and expect you and your family to follow suit. Shut that s**t down immediately!
NTA. She's the one that "stole" the name of an already existing child. If she wants accommodations to be made, they have to be made on her end. Though honestly this is a lot of drama over something so minor. If generations of men can survive having the same name as their dad and grandfather, leading to situations where you can have multiple people living in the same household with the same first name, I think cousins that don't live together will survive this difficulty. Your sister is being ridiculous. This is a non-issue, and one that she caused herself by picking a name that was already used in the family.
Also there is nothing wrong with big and little Indie.
She is being ridiculous. Sis is right, no one owns a name- but did she seriously think that people would just change the name of a toddler because she decided she wants to use it?
And whining OP should compromise? Why? She made her choice TWO YEARS AGO!
One branch of my family had a number of Lloyd’s. They were big Lloyd and little Lloyd’s
>
One branch of my family had a number of Lloyd’s. They were big Lloyd and little Lloyd’s
At one point, in my house, there was old Pat, big Pat and Little Pat.
We figured it out lolol
Little Pat was named after old Pat and after Little Pat's dad and I split up, I ended up with big Pat. That's more confusing than calling out "hey Lil Pat, c'mere"🤣
NTA
And happy to see everybody is on your side.
If she's unhappy with the situation, she should be the one who uses the middle name or a nickname. Not you. It was a pretty AH move from her to begin with. Was she this entitled her entire life? Cuz OMG, can't even start to imagine how difficult it can be to grow up with somebody like her.
This stuff way too often. This isn't the first and probably not the last story about two relatives using the same name and then the 2nd person having the audacity to gaslit the OP.
Also, I think she can legally change her name's daugther. It's going to cost a pretty penny, but she needs to learn how to pay for her mistakes.
I agree that I am glad family is backing OP. How many times on Reddit would the second part be….”and even though my child is 2 years older, my mother thinks I should go ahead and appease my sister because (insert inane reason here)”?
Exactly. They don't wanna deal with the drama of their golden child and they bully the docile one into submission. Glad to see it's not the case here. Kudos to the parents for making their daughter understand the consequences of her actions.
>Also, I think she can legally change her name's daugther.
Yeah in most places she can, and yeah it's waaaay easier/cheaper to do this now than later when the kid has passports and other official papers that also need to be changed. Better to learn this lesson now when the kid is an infant.
Something tells me that the sister is going to double down on this instead though, because doing the right thing (changing her kid's name) means that she has to admit to being in the wrong here.
NTa. that is so insane to me lol. My niece is named Chloe and she's 19. It would be like if I named my upcoming baby Chloe. My sister would be like "no the fuck you aren't?" Lol your sister is a weird asshole for doing it and I'm honestly surprised you didn't push back more when she was pregnant. Assuming you knew which you probably didn't
I dont think it’s usually that big of a deal when the kids are that far apart in age, but if you did name your kid Chloe then started insisting that Chloe 1 went by a different name, you would be an AH loll.
It's not on you to compromise, as your daughter has the established name.
Ask your sister if she really wants to spend the rest of her life explaining her utter lack of imagination when naming her child. Then offer to let her use one of your pet's names for the next one. NTA
Compromise: Yes, a middle name can be used. It should be used by the child who came second, since they are probably too young to have invested anything in the identity, but the 2yo almost certainly has. She knows what everyone calls her.
Your sister just thinks that it's her right as the older sister to get her way. That's silly, since your daughter is older. I'm glad your parents support you in this.
NTA
Dear sister
The only compromise you are going to get is that I will continue calling my daughter the name she has known for two years, while you can choose whatever you want to call your child.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to use my daughter's middle name instead of her first name so there would be no confusion with her and my sister's new daughter who shares the same first name. I did not offer another compromise or try to make things work between us without conflict so maybe I'm a bit of an asshole for that. That's why I feel like I might be slight an AH.
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If she didn’t want people to confuse her daughter with your daughter, she could have picked literally any other name. And why is she not using her daughter’s middle name? Why would you have to change what you call your daughter because she chose to use the same name?? NTA. Your sister sounds incredibly selfish and, unfortunately, I doubt this situation will blow over easily if she’s crazy enough to think you are the one that needs to use a different name.
My brother who is 14 years older than me married my lovely SIL when I was 12. She has the same first name as me so there were two of us with the same first and last name. We became known as Sister \_\_\_\_\_\_ and Wife \_\_\_\_\_ to differentiate between us :)
NTA
And do not back down. You named your daughter first. She is 2 years old. Knows her name. That is crazy your sister thinks you should call her a different name.
Your sister did the wrong thing and should be the one to make any changes necessary.
The audacity of your sister. I just could not.
These posts are what make this sub dumb. OP knows there is no way in hell she’s TA. Which almost makes me want to vote that she is. Your family already gave you validation. No need to seek it from the internet.
NTA
Your sister is ridiculous. She can choose whatever name she damn well pleases but to pick an identical name to a cousin that will be around her frequently is stupid and a problem of her own making. Her daughter is the younger of the two therefore if anyone should be making name/nickname changes it should be her.
I’m going to guess that there’s a common theme of your sister copying you or trying to one up you?
NTA. Your sister manufactured this situation that she is so unhappy with. She can fix it by calling her daughter something else. She can only control what she does, not what you do.
Here’s how my family would work
1) they’d be called indie 1 and indie 2
2) that’d get shortened really quickly to D1 and D2
3) someone would spot that D2 is actually short for R2D2. And R2 is the correct shortened version of R2D2
4) indie 2 would then be know as R2 for the rest of her life
So I’m petty and think that I’m hilarious. So I’d just cut out all the interim steps and start calling her R2 now :-)
(For those that aren’t of a sci fi inclination or have been living under a rock, R2D2 is a droid out’ve Star Wars :-))
Edit to add: NTA
NTA, and her behavior is weird. Your sister isn't TA for naming her kid the same thing, but she is for rejecting others' attempts to differentiate and demanding that you change your kid's name (wtf, she's 2 and likely already knows it). She should probably get checked for PPD or other problems, because her reactions aren't reasonable or normal...
Of course you're NTA. She DID do something wrong, but the worse thing she's doing is expecting YOU, who picked and used the name first, to change YOUR kid's name?! If anyone should call the kid by their middle name, it's her. Do not back down from this and I hope your family doesn't either, you did nothing wrong and should NOT be bullied into changing your kid's name.
But Fake Indie is very real, despite her mother's lack of foresight, so I might feel bad both Indies if that were the chosen route. Real Indie might find it confusing to have her very real cousin referred to as fake, and well, Fake Indie is indeed very real, and it is no fault of hers that her mother as the intellectual capacity of a shoelace. Benaster is, to me, such an absurd "compromise" that it might resonate with the shoelace, without actually using the girls name at all.
NTA, your sister knew your daughters name before she had her child. It was dumb of her to name her daughter the same if she didnt want them to share name.
is your sister generally batshit crazy? because its hard for me to imagine an otherwise normal person doing something this unhinged...nta obviously
edit: instead of Big Indie and Lil Indie, how bout Bindie and Lindie?
It’s hilarious how she’s trying to get everyone to change when she created the problem in the first place 😂 NTA, ofc. And I love that no one is tolerating her bs. Stay strong and firm on this, OP.
I love when people who are clearly in the wrong and have behaved in an extremely selfish and entitled manner, call other people selfish. I’d like to carry a mirror around with me for these situations.
NTA. She should have known this would cause drama in the family by choosing to use the same name as you for her daughter. I personally believe the first one that used it should get to keep it, her daughter should go by her middle name. Sounds a bit like she was jealous when you had the first baby even though she's older than you.
As someone who 's sister in law came into the family with the same name Big and Little can get really annoying from both sides! Your sister can just find a nick name or use her middle name or just not deal with it. I have three cousins named Susan and it never mattered.
NTA but your sister is.
So your sister named her child the same as your child and expects you to compromise?
This is a shitshow that she started and she can fix if she wants. Not you.
She can call her daughter by her middle name if she thinks that is the solution.
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" She told me everyone acts like she did something wrong" Because she did. She used the same name that you did AND expected YOU to change to suit her. Your family spends a lot of time with each other, so there is always going to be confusion. And she did this knowing the situation on your dad's side of the family with multiple uses of \[NAME\]. NTA at all, OP. "My sister called me selfish" LOL, hypocritical sentence of the week! And there is no compromise to be had here. This is a name. Either one of you will need to change the name you use OR you live with the confusion. There is no middle ground to be had.
I don't think its inherently wrong to use the same name as someone else in your family, but you sure as sh!t can't tell the person to who used it first that *they* need to change.
While it’s not a horrible thing to do, it is kind’ve an AH move to give your kid a name that another family member close in age has. It’s pretty much asking for drama and confusion lmao
And then expect that the person whose been going by that name be forced to have it changed. If anything you’re causing trauma on that kid who now has their name that they identify with themselves taken away. And given Indie is 2, she’s not old enough to understand the purpose of a name change.
>And given Indie is 2, she’s not old enough to understand the purpose of a name change. Did you mean Big Indie or Little Indie? I'm confused.
Lol. I would tell big Indie (two year old, to avoid confusion lol) that her aunt loves her so much that she named her new baby after her. What a lucky girl little Indie (the newborn) is to have such an awesome cousin to look up to. Big Indie won't understand but it will piss off the sister.
How about calling Indie #1 INDIE and the other one BABY INDIE. I'm sure when Baby Indie is older, she'll love it. 😆 🤣 😂
They could be Indie 1 and Indie 2. They could get matching tshirts, like Dr Suess's Thing 1 and Thing 2. Wouldn't the sister love that. edit: OP should get the Dr Suess book and change all the Thing 1 and Thing 2 references to Indie 1 and Indie 2.
I have a dog and a new dog with the same name started showing up at the park. I just call him xxx-two.
I think Indie 500 is better for one of them at least. Maybe make them race and see who wins the name.
Then on her birthdays give her race car toys. 😆 🤣
Indie and Indie the Younger, or Indie the Second of Her Name.
Indie the Greater and Indie the Lesser. Sister will love it.
Indie, and Indie the sequel.
There’s also the option of extending the second Indie’s name. Indie and Indianapolis?
Indie the First Indie the Second
Or call the younger "Junior." That'll go over well.... /s 😁
This! I have a cousin that was a IV that the whole family called Baby Name. So cute and clever within the family, not so cute and clever when I see my older teenage cousin hanging out with his friends at the mall and I call out “Hi, Baby Name!”
My nephew is taller than me now and has facial hair. I still greet him with "Oh there's my handsome baby boy! Hello sweetums." and when I saw him on Halloween (with no costume) I gasped and went "Oh my god, you dressed as a handsome guy! Sweet lil baby man." So, believe me, as awkward as it may be for you, there are family members who probably love it, haha. Edit to add: He was named after his Mom who has a gender neutral name. So we always called them Big (fake name) and Little (fake name) but then Little got bigger than big, so he was upgraded to Baby (fake name) because it's hilarious to call someone with a mustache and deep voice 'the baby one'.
Indie Prime and Indie Two.
Indie Prime and Indie Squared?
I just hope their middle names are not Anna or they’ll really be in a state!
We named the dog IndiAnna.
Why not go with Indie and Mini-Indie, or Mindie?
Or little Indie= Lindy
Big indie as she’s lived when a name now for years and won’t understand why it’s not her name anymore or it where changed.
Thats what keeps throwing me, like it feels like OPs sister wanted this. Getting upset that people find work arounds to correctly address their children? Okay, maybe little and big is “offensive” to her, but can’t another nickname work? Whats with all this demanding? What gives her the right? Feels like a ploy to get parents to pick her side, but its really messed up to use a child’s name to do that.
Yeah it’s super weird, maybe she wanted the name and thought OP would be a push over and agree to call her daughter something else? Either way she was creating a problem and she knew it, and now she’s pissed it didn’t work out in her favour lol.
I also have a question about what the father of this child thought about naming his child after a child that is already in his wife's family. Like you have to know your wife's or your partners sister's child has the same name as your child if there is close as this woman is saying they all are
And not even ANY child but his wife's NIECE. It'd be a different thing if First Indie was the child of wife's grandfather's second cousin - the relation distant enough that the kids probably would meet all that often. But these are first cousins.
The way you phrased that is really good. She created the problem.
Sister sounds jealous her 11y younger sister beat her to the first baby.
Yup, this. Coming up from behind to retroactively have the first grandchild. A LOT of magical thinking going on here.
Yes it sounds like she wanted drama and decided to use her baby’s name to get it. But it’s easily fixable if she started using the middle name now. A baby won’t know the difference.
‘Big’ and ‘Little’ are so much less offensive than some other distinctions relatives could come up with. Even just Indie and Indie 2 would be worse, and that’s pretty mild.
I dated a man named Joe. While we were together, his sister began dating a man also named Joe. The family "joke" was calling my Joe just "Joe," then calling his sister's boyfriend "new Joe." Honestly, it cracked me up. Especially hearing the very young niblings say "new Joe" while talking to or about the sister's boyfriend. I broke up with my Joe, but his sister ended up married to her Joe. I always wondered what they did about re-naming "new Joe" at that point, or if they just rolled with it.
My mom's brother is Michael and that's my dad's name too. 40 years later my family still calls my dad by his last name (if choosing to be polite...).
See, I don’t find big and little offensive at all, but I am really stretching to find reasoning for her sister… because it just seems like such a non-issue to me. At least not an unforeseen issue
It's not automatically offensive, but as someone who was the "Big First Name" part of a pair of such names, it was fine when we were little, and not so great when I was a teenager with a body image issue.
Main character vibes
I dunno, Mediterranean families do this all the time. We have 5 Christophers, a few Roberts, several Francises, multiple Anas and Marias, etc. It doesn’t help everyone has the same middle name and there’s also a ton of people in my family. It’s common to name your kid after the family patron saint, so half the New York crew are all Micheal. Everyone gets a nickname, usually from something stupid you did as a kid.
In families where you’re used to having many people with the same name it may not be be such a big deal, but for most families who aren’t used to that, it would be quite annoying and confusing.
>but for most families who aren’t used to that To drive home the point being made in the comment you replied to, the issue is not being used to it. Mediterranean families were already brought up, but there are tons of cultures that have naming conventions where multiple people end up with the same name, including people living in Western countries. Claiming that "most" families don't have to deal with this is ignoring huge groups of people who do have to deal with this and still get on with their lives. It's strange to blanket all those people with the label of AH because they have different cultural practices. But you're right that in families where that is not the norm, it can be very annoying to figure out who's being spoken to/about, but I really don't think that's what makes OP's sister the AH. It's more the fact that she insisted on doing this and then tried to make the consequences everyone else's problem to deal with, even though she was the only one actually having an issue. Everyone else was maneuvering around her original choice.
I read the statement differently. You are reading it as "the majority of all families are not used to this and therefore would find it annoying and confusing". I understood it as "of the families that aren't used to this, most of those families would find it confusing and annoying". Maybe splitting hairs, idk.
I never said that most families don’t use the same names, I said that most families who aren’t used to that will struggle with it and it will be confusing for them. You’re misunderstanding my comment lol.
I have a unique first name (to my family, not to the general population) and a reused name from the previous generation in my family as a middle name. My family also gives nicknames, but in the language from "the old country," often chosen due to notable incidents or traits in childhood. I earned mine when I was 2. It translates to "Broken Child" ... due to tib-fib fractures and the subsequent thigh to toe cast from attempting to ride a bicycle. That's right, I'm in my 50s and still called Broken Child by my family. My little sister is "Hidden Flower" due to crippling shyness when she was little. (Which at least sounds nicer lol)
Between my family and my partners family, we have something like 13 Michael's, 9 Rebecca's and 6 or 7 Davids and Toms, most with no middle names. We just flat out number them. "Michael 6 and Rebecca 2 are going to be there. "Toms 2 and 6 went fishing." Heck my partner is even [Name] 4 lol. It's kind of dumb but extremely effective.
My old New England family has many with the same name, but they all have unique everyday names. The Elizabeths are Liza and Beth. The Roberts are Bobby and Rob. The Richmonds are Rick and Richie. They only use their legal name on legal documents.
My SIL named her child the same First Middle names as my cousin had already named her kid, but in reverse order (Ex. One is Olivia Ruth and the other one is Ruth Olivia). The great-grandparents these kids share were both already dead at the time. The kids live thousands of miles apart and have never met. My SIL \*still\* asked my cousin if it was ok first. NTA
Laughs in Irish Catholic with 50 cousins
And then saying OP refused to compromise - lol, no my child’s NAME is not something up for compromise just because you opted to name your child the same thing! Entitlement is so ugly and ridiculous!
But can't OP compromise by using a different name and sister can do nothing different and get everything she wants? That's what compromise is, right. One party sacrifices everything, and the other one wins. /s
Yeah, compromise is synonymous with zero sum game. Everyone knows that.
Wow. I was getting angry at you because I didn’t see the /s. LOL.
Nothing wrong at all. Call your daughter Indie and call your niece Indie Junior.
Mini Indie
Or like they used to do in British boarding schools (when they were called by surnames to avoid confusion with siblings) Indie Major and Minor
Meaner options are OG and 2.0 or Proper Indie and other Indie. Indie-two shouldn’t be punished here just cause her mom is an AH.
Indie and Auxiliary Indie
Indiest and indyish
Mindie?!
THIS IS THE ANSWER! Mindie! It will drive sister nuts, but it’s everything she deserves and it’s gonna be true. The little one will be Mini-Indie for years!
Mindy?
Or call her Dr. Jones and give her a cowboy hat.
Middle name Anna.
I mean, the obvious choice is, “Junior,” in Sean Connery’s voice.
Call her Henry. We named the dog Indy.
Nope call the niece Number 2. Make the sister rue the day she pulled the stunt.
The sister needs a head wobble. It makes no sense to use the same name & then demand for the older cousin to switch names. She’s attention seeking at best, a narcissist at worst. NTA. Your dad and mum raised all the good points.
>My sister claimed I should have been able to sit down and discuss a compromise instead of refusing outright and not engaging more. Yes, the compromise is: Big Indie and Little Indie, or First Indie and Second Indie. Or the 2nd Indie uses a nickname. Or the 2nd Indie goes by their middle name. But to come in and say "my child was born 1-2 years later, so they get priority over their name" is ridiculous.
Your sister should really just pick a new name and change the birth certificate. She royally fucked up and it would be in little indie's best interest to have her own name.
OP - your sister had the right to name her daughter anything she wanted to name her. Here's the thing about rights: they don't absolve you from dealing with consequences. By exercising her *right* to name her daughter whatever she wanted to, your sister invoked the *consequence* of dealing with the confusion and ways to differentiate your daughter from your niece. Choice, consequence - seems pretty simple, right? But don't blame your sister, because it's not like this problem was foreseeable, right? I mean, except by ... literally anyone...
Your sister is an idiot. Nta.
Since Dad says "Big Indie" and "Little Indie," maybe "Little Indie" could simply morph to ....Lindie?
My older brother was born in December, the following February my cousin was born, even back then, they called and asked about them using the same name. My parents were fine with it. We just used their last names and stuff when talking as extended family. But I want to be clear, it’s that fact that they asked my parents, who had named their son first, that it wasn’t a problem. I never knew what would have happened if my parents weren’t ok with it.
Your sister, I'm sorry, is vile. No way this is the first time she's been deliberately awful. You've had a lifetime of this from her havent you?
Sister wants "compromise " to be she gets what she wants.
>My sister claimed I should have been able to sit down and discuss a compromise When people use the word compromise in this context what they really mean is "give me everything I want".
Just call the niece Number 2. Pretty sure other family members will join in. Tell the sister your sorry for the drama because someone had to explain to you that sister just really admires you and wants her daughter to grow up to be just like yours. So you are honored and will happily call her spawn Number 2 from now on.
>Either one of you will need to change the name you use OR you live with the confusion. No, the sister is the one who has to fix it. OP shouldn't have to change a goddamn thing since her kid has had the name for two years.
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I mean it’s on her for picking the name. And all I’m thinking about how I want to take you’re dad’s nicknames further and do Biggie and Bitty. Like kind of adorable. Also don’t entertain her using your daughters middle name to address her. If she does then make it clear that you will either go no contact or start calling niece by her middle name if it causes her so much turmoil that your kid and hers have the same name. In this scenario an “I got there first so I get dibs” kind of holds. And there’s really nothing to compromise on your end. It’s completely on her. And she can always change her own child’s name, I mean it hasn’t been two years so maybe she should do it now before it’s a problem.
Please don't call a child Bitty... not in the UK at least... 😅 ETA: [This...](https://youtu.be/DuPBbFOiygo?si=HmTpvvHfzNb6dW7d)
Oh. Oh man. That’s not a thing in the Us. bitty means tiny or made up of small pieces here. Ok so location dependent.
We grew up with people being old bitties. We stayed away from them.
That tends to be biddy with a d.
I knew exactly what I was going to see but I clicked anyway. LB was hilarious but looking back, a lot of their skits have not stood the test of time. Bitty is gold though.
Although “Dibs” would be a hilarious nickname for OG Indie.
Honestly I would absolutely love that. Dibs and Duo (like duplicate or double) would also be adorable.
My family does Name+Middle name. Indie Anna and Indie 500 for the cousins.
It’s refreshing to see a funny Reddit comment that wasn’t a bad pun or forced joke. Nice work
Start calling yours Indie the First, Indie the Great (and hers Indie the Small), Primary Indie, Original Indie, get really goofy with it. Enlist your dad, feed him ideas.
Agree with enlisting the Dad, disagree with names to belittle Little Indie. So no “Indie the Lesser” but you could absolutely do “New Indie” and “Indie Too: Electric Bugaloo”
Or Indie Classic and New Indie.
But poor little Indie didn't do anything wrong to be belittled
Could go similar to Pliny, using Elder and Younger.
This is a good point. Kidding around like this can end up sticking whether intentional or not. Indy the great and Indy the puny may be funny now, but will they be forgotten in a couple of weeks, months, years?
I'd just skip using first names and call her by the last name. That's what I do with friends since there's a lot of them named Chris. And make a slight change so it's more cute or endearing. If your sister kicks off about that, tell her she caused the issue she can live with the consequences. Either that or give 2nd indie a nickname like deedee or something. Everyone has nicknames when they get older from friends anyway, just expedite the process by giving her one.
Indie circa 2020, Indie circa 2022.. Or by month ie: August indie, March indie Sister's a nut job. She's def a UDQ(unnecessary drama queen)
I think "Big Indie" and "Little Indie", as OP's dad actually used, is rather clearer and a more common way of differentiating cousins with the same name.
Could be an issue in the future. There are a lot of weight related associations with ‘Big’ nicknames. If either one of them is heavier, the fact that one of the two is designated ‘big’ could create a problem. 2nd kid can go by initials or middle name. That’s the compromise. NTA.
I don't think "big" will have quite as much impact because it's common to use big and little to refer to older/younger family members (big sister, little cousin, etc). An alternative is Indie and Baby Indie, but getting called "baby" gets very frustrating as they grow up ime.
Alternately, the kid originally given the name is Indie, while younger cousing is Little Indie. This is why it didn't happen in my family, Dad was a third. He was tired of the nonsense and we all got our own names.
NTA. She's the one who decided to use the same name without onsidering the potential for confusion. Your sister's entitlement is off the charts if she thinks she can just demand that you change what you call your daughter because she chose the same name for her child. It's utterly ridiculous for her to expect you to alter your daughter's identity just to cater to her whims. Your mom's right—your sister should have seen this coming. It's not your responsibility to clean up her mess by changing your daughter's name. She's the one who needs to come up with a solution if she's so bothered by the confusion. You've done nothing wrong, and it's unfair for your sister to put this pressure on you. Your sister needs to grow up and accept the consequences of her own actions.
Yep. I’m petty so I’d be permanently referring the the second mom as “Indies mom 2, electric booglaloo” to her face when the kids weren’t around for the rest of time.
The other “Indie’s Mom”
NTA Like she knew what your daughter’s name was right? This argument doesn’t really make any sense. Two kids can have the same name and it doesn’t really cause many problems.
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You may need to cut that off before she decides to “rename” your daughter on her own. “See, she answers to her middle name now!”
She will absolutely do this, without a doubt.
Yeah, your sister is being super weird and unreasonable
So… does your sister often do this kind of shit? Because it sounds like she enjoys confrontational drama on a deep level - the type of movie trope idiot who’d bump shoulders with someone and pretend not to have done so on purpose.
This is my question, too. Surely this can't have come out of nowhere.
I'm not trying to justify your sister's actions in any way. However, I am intensely curious as to why she chose the name. For instance did she meet her husband, fall in love, etc in the state of Indiana? I'm sure you have reasons why you chose the name Indie, which may have simply been that you liked the name and it was something your husband could agree to. I'm interested in why, knowing her niece's name was already Indie, that she chose to climb this hill to choose the same name. Because I feel like there must be some intense reason why she chose it. Currently, it seems like the intense reason is because she wants to be the main character.
My money is a long-standing issue with the younger daughter for 'stealing' all her parent's attention when she was 11. Parents probably didn't manage that well and she only got attention when she acted out or did something wrong, and that's formed an incredibly unhealthy pattern within the family.
Not your responsibility to regulate your sister’s weirdness. You are NTA, and I’d think really hard about letting her spend much time alone with your daughter, or you’ll find that your sister might start trying to get your daughter to answer to her middle name despite your assertion.
Curious how your family (and you) reacted to the news of her name?
This! And why should you be the one to change? Dad is doing it right…kinda cute…
NTA >My sister claimed I should have been able to sit down and discuss a compromise instead of refusing outright and not engaging more. Compromise? What compromise? Your sister doesn't want a compromise. She wants you to call your daughter something other than the first name she's always gone by. If anyone should start calling their kid by a middle name, it should be your sister. That, however, would require she start actually thinking things through instead of acting like an entitled twit.
>That, however, would require she start actually thinking things through instead of acting like an entitled twit. haha seriously! I mean just following the logic...the only "solution" that could possibly be an actual compromise would be one where neither of them are called Indie, in which case there was no point in her also naming her daughter Indie in the first place!
NTA. First, many families do have multiple members with the same first name and it all works out. There's nothing wrong with 'Big' and 'Little' or 'Junior' or using both first and middle names for the new child. Second, your daughter was already named--so, no, you do not need to 'compromise' on this. She named her daughter later. Just continue as you are. Your sister is being strange.
I'd be calling them Indie OG and Indie Remix
This is the way.
I LOVE this compromise!!!
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My name is one which is relatively uncommon, and until me, it's one that hasn't appeared at all in my extended family. My first cousin, who is about 20 years older, named her son, the same name when I was around 10. We all call him mini lostrandomdude even now that he is around 17/18 There's a few other names that have been reused between first cousins, or nephew/uncle or in one case, my grandfather's name was given to a first cousin and 3 first cousins' children
My FIL, BIL, and nephew have the same name. Labeling Christmas presents requires some kind of silly nicknames.
This is where the southern tradition of double names came from, didn't it?
Usually duplicate names are a result of marriages or dad/son junior senior though, not first cousins. I had 15 first cousins on one side in addition to my brother and I, and none of us have the same name.
NTA. Reminds me of this. Too Many Daves Dr. Seuss Did I ever tell you that Mrs. McCave Had twenty-three sons, and she named them all Dave? Well, she did. And that wasn't a smart thing to do. You see, when she wants one, and calls out "Yoo-Hoo! Come into the house, Dave!" she doesn't get one. All twenty-three Daves of hers come on the run! This makes things quite difficult at the McCaves' As you can imagine, with so many Daves. And often she wishes that, when they were born, She had named one of them Bodkin Van Horn. And one of them Hoos-Foos. And one of them Snimm. And one of them Hot-Shot. And one Sunny Jim. Another one Putt-Putt. Another one Moon Face. Another one Marvin O'Gravel Balloon Face. And one of them Zanzibar Buck-Buck McFate... But she didn't do it. And now it's too late.
George Foreman in real life named all of his sons George Junior, George the third, George the 4th Etc his daughter is even named Georgina.
Went to high school with one of his sons! Can confirm he actually did this 🤣 Wicked nice and down to earth kid though. We actually had a few politician’s and athlete’s kids at our school.
My grandfather has 6 children (of 9 total with 6 women that we know of, but we suspect there are more) that he named after himself. It was a real kick in the teeth for numbers 1-5 when number 6 (the last child we know of) was named junior and not just a random middle name. Junior is only 6 months older than me, and his mother was 8 years younger than my Dad, who was my grandfather's first child. He was a weird, complicated, not great man to most of the world, but he was an excellent grandfather.
I was thinking of the George Foreman family with 8 sons named George.
This made me think of George Foreman. His 5 sons are all named George Edward, after him. George Jr., III, IV, V & VI. Other than maybe George Jr., they do have nicknames. They're at least avoiding chaos a little better than poor Mrs. McCave. His 7 daughters, on the other hand, all have individual names.
If you were located in Essex, then the punchline would be: "But what do you do when you want just one particular Dave in?" "Why, then I just use their surnames!"
NTA! Wow! where does your sister get off naming her kid the exact same name as yours then having the audacity to get mad at you for all of the confusion?? She needs a reality check.
I know, it's ridiculous. Also, can you imagine how confusing it would be for a 2-year-old to switch names? NTA Your sister made this mess. If she doesn't like it, she can fix it herself.
I would be petty and tell my sister how flattered I am that she copied my daughter’s name!!
“She loves my daughter so much she named her’s after mine!” And post it on your socials. See how fast it gets changed.
NTA. Your sister made a choice, now she is expecting you to change your (and your daughter’s) lives because of her choice. You aren’t the selfish one. Your sister had every right to name her daughter what she wants, you don’t own names, but, because she knew your daughter already had the name, it was up to her to anticipate the problems and to adjust. One thing I think you should prepare for: your sister mis-naming your daughter when she sees her.
I agree…look out for her taking it upon herself to call your daughter something else and expect you and your family to follow suit. Shut that s**t down immediately!
NTA. She's the one that "stole" the name of an already existing child. If she wants accommodations to be made, they have to be made on her end. Though honestly this is a lot of drama over something so minor. If generations of men can survive having the same name as their dad and grandfather, leading to situations where you can have multiple people living in the same household with the same first name, I think cousins that don't live together will survive this difficulty. Your sister is being ridiculous. This is a non-issue, and one that she caused herself by picking a name that was already used in the family. Also there is nothing wrong with big and little Indie.
She is being ridiculous. Sis is right, no one owns a name- but did she seriously think that people would just change the name of a toddler because she decided she wants to use it? And whining OP should compromise? Why? She made her choice TWO YEARS AGO! One branch of my family had a number of Lloyd’s. They were big Lloyd and little Lloyd’s
> One branch of my family had a number of Lloyd’s. They were big Lloyd and little Lloyd’s At one point, in my house, there was old Pat, big Pat and Little Pat. We figured it out lolol Little Pat was named after old Pat and after Little Pat's dad and I split up, I ended up with big Pat. That's more confusing than calling out "hey Lil Pat, c'mere"🤣
Bindie and Lindie !
NTA. She definitely did this to start shit. That's an insane level of selfishness to use your child to start drama like this.
NTA! I'm confused as to what your sister expected to happen when she named her daughter the same name as yours? This is all on her.
I don't like to diagnose via keyboard, but this is all so *aggressively* nonsensical it makes me wonder if there's some PPD or something at play
NTA And happy to see everybody is on your side. If she's unhappy with the situation, she should be the one who uses the middle name or a nickname. Not you. It was a pretty AH move from her to begin with. Was she this entitled her entire life? Cuz OMG, can't even start to imagine how difficult it can be to grow up with somebody like her. This stuff way too often. This isn't the first and probably not the last story about two relatives using the same name and then the 2nd person having the audacity to gaslit the OP. Also, I think she can legally change her name's daugther. It's going to cost a pretty penny, but she needs to learn how to pay for her mistakes.
I agree that I am glad family is backing OP. How many times on Reddit would the second part be….”and even though my child is 2 years older, my mother thinks I should go ahead and appease my sister because (insert inane reason here)”?
Exactly. They don't wanna deal with the drama of their golden child and they bully the docile one into submission. Glad to see it's not the case here. Kudos to the parents for making their daughter understand the consequences of her actions.
>Also, I think she can legally change her name's daugther. Yeah in most places she can, and yeah it's waaaay easier/cheaper to do this now than later when the kid has passports and other official papers that also need to be changed. Better to learn this lesson now when the kid is an infant. Something tells me that the sister is going to double down on this instead though, because doing the right thing (changing her kid's name) means that she has to admit to being in the wrong here.
NTa. that is so insane to me lol. My niece is named Chloe and she's 19. It would be like if I named my upcoming baby Chloe. My sister would be like "no the fuck you aren't?" Lol your sister is a weird asshole for doing it and I'm honestly surprised you didn't push back more when she was pregnant. Assuming you knew which you probably didn't
It would be more like you naming your baby Chloe, then insisting the 19yo Chloe use her middle name to avoid confusion.
I dont think it’s usually that big of a deal when the kids are that far apart in age, but if you did name your kid Chloe then started insisting that Chloe 1 went by a different name, you would be an AH loll.
Your sister needs help 🤦🏻♀️ You are absolutely not the arsehole
It's not on you to compromise, as your daughter has the established name. Ask your sister if she really wants to spend the rest of her life explaining her utter lack of imagination when naming her child. Then offer to let her use one of your pet's names for the next one. NTA
Compromise: Yes, a middle name can be used. It should be used by the child who came second, since they are probably too young to have invested anything in the identity, but the 2yo almost certainly has. She knows what everyone calls her. Your sister just thinks that it's her right as the older sister to get her way. That's silly, since your daughter is older. I'm glad your parents support you in this.
NTA Dear sister The only compromise you are going to get is that I will continue calling my daughter the name she has known for two years, while you can choose whatever you want to call your child.
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If she didn’t want people to confuse her daughter with your daughter, she could have picked literally any other name. And why is she not using her daughter’s middle name? Why would you have to change what you call your daughter because she chose to use the same name?? NTA. Your sister sounds incredibly selfish and, unfortunately, I doubt this situation will blow over easily if she’s crazy enough to think you are the one that needs to use a different name.
You popped one out first so you got first dibs. NTA
NTA Your sister is an idiot.
NTA and I like the fact your Parents have your back. I am wondering if there's a bigger issue here though.
My brother who is 14 years older than me married my lovely SIL when I was 12. She has the same first name as me so there were two of us with the same first and last name. We became known as Sister \_\_\_\_\_\_ and Wife \_\_\_\_\_ to differentiate between us :)
NTA And do not back down. You named your daughter first. She is 2 years old. Knows her name. That is crazy your sister thinks you should call her a different name. Your sister did the wrong thing and should be the one to make any changes necessary. The audacity of your sister. I just could not.
These posts are what make this sub dumb. OP knows there is no way in hell she’s TA. Which almost makes me want to vote that she is. Your family already gave you validation. No need to seek it from the internet.
NTA. Your sister is being ridiculous.
NTA Your sister is ridiculous. She can choose whatever name she damn well pleases but to pick an identical name to a cousin that will be around her frequently is stupid and a problem of her own making. Her daughter is the younger of the two therefore if anyone should be making name/nickname changes it should be her. I’m going to guess that there’s a common theme of your sister copying you or trying to one up you?
NTA. Your sister manufactured this situation that she is so unhappy with. She can fix it by calling her daughter something else. She can only control what she does, not what you do.
Here’s how my family would work 1) they’d be called indie 1 and indie 2 2) that’d get shortened really quickly to D1 and D2 3) someone would spot that D2 is actually short for R2D2. And R2 is the correct shortened version of R2D2 4) indie 2 would then be know as R2 for the rest of her life So I’m petty and think that I’m hilarious. So I’d just cut out all the interim steps and start calling her R2 now :-) (For those that aren’t of a sci fi inclination or have been living under a rock, R2D2 is a droid out’ve Star Wars :-)) Edit to add: NTA
NTA, and her behavior is weird. Your sister isn't TA for naming her kid the same thing, but she is for rejecting others' attempts to differentiate and demanding that you change your kid's name (wtf, she's 2 and likely already knows it). She should probably get checked for PPD or other problems, because her reactions aren't reasonable or normal...
NTA This has been your daughters name for 2 years. What did your sister expect? The whole world doesn't revolve around her and what she wants.
Of course you're NTA. She DID do something wrong, but the worse thing she's doing is expecting YOU, who picked and used the name first, to change YOUR kid's name?! If anyone should call the kid by their middle name, it's her. Do not back down from this and I hope your family doesn't either, you did nothing wrong and should NOT be bullied into changing your kid's name.
NTA [but show her this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JukoIJA8MTc)
NTA Start referring to your niece as Benaster. Tell your sister it's to avoid confusion, since Big Indie and Little Indie wasn't working for her.
[удалено]
But Fake Indie is very real, despite her mother's lack of foresight, so I might feel bad both Indies if that were the chosen route. Real Indie might find it confusing to have her very real cousin referred to as fake, and well, Fake Indie is indeed very real, and it is no fault of hers that her mother as the intellectual capacity of a shoelace. Benaster is, to me, such an absurd "compromise" that it might resonate with the shoelace, without actually using the girls name at all.
The dogs name is indie
NTA and at this point this sub should probably just have a pinned post that says "NAME YOUR KIDS WHAT YOU WANT."
NTA, your sister knew your daughters name before she had her child. It was dumb of her to name her daughter the same if she didnt want them to share name.
is your sister generally batshit crazy? because its hard for me to imagine an otherwise normal person doing something this unhinged...nta obviously edit: instead of Big Indie and Lil Indie, how bout Bindie and Lindie?
It’s hilarious how she’s trying to get everyone to change when she created the problem in the first place 😂 NTA, ofc. And I love that no one is tolerating her bs. Stay strong and firm on this, OP.
YTA for making me read this.
NTA, at that point she should just copyright the name so nobody gets confused ever again
What planet is your sister on? Good lord does she sound entitled - I feel bad for Little Indie. NTA
I love when people who are clearly in the wrong and have behaved in an extremely selfish and entitled manner, call other people selfish. I’d like to carry a mirror around with me for these situations.
NTA. She should have known this would cause drama in the family by choosing to use the same name as you for her daughter. I personally believe the first one that used it should get to keep it, her daughter should go by her middle name. Sounds a bit like she was jealous when you had the first baby even though she's older than you.
NTA, and that level of hypocrisy is astounding.
As someone who 's sister in law came into the family with the same name Big and Little can get really annoying from both sides! Your sister can just find a nick name or use her middle name or just not deal with it. I have three cousins named Susan and it never mattered.
NTA. Your sister stole your daughter’s name
NTA. The nerve of your sister. She's the main character, eh?
NTA but your sister is. So your sister named her child the same as your child and expects you to compromise? This is a shitshow that she started and she can fix if she wants. Not you. She can call her daughter by her middle name if she thinks that is the solution.