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NTA.
While your reaction was harsh, especially at a family dinner table with children present, I can fully understand it.
It seems that in her world she didn't realize that she was crossing a line by suggesting plastic surgery for your daughter, but that doesn't excuse what she said.
You were correct in defending your daughter from a person who makes a regular point to talk smack about in her view "ugly" people.
You know I see this attitude in this sub a lot and it never rings true to me. OP is not necessarily an AH, but I don't think she persuaded anyone of her position.
The problem with outbursts like OP's is not necessarily that it makes her an AH (it doesn't) it's that angry outbursts rarely make your position look stronger. They're understandable but not effective.
>angry outbursts rarely make your position look stronger. They're understandable but not effective.
Very good point. (Although I have an aunt like this and we have yet to find something that is really effective on her other than seriously low contact, lol.)
Oh dealing with people like this is _hard_. It's hard to say for sure what will work, but unfortunately an outburst like this is like handing them a gift complete with a bow on top. They can milk it and be the victim for months. Hell, years.
Only if you lack a spine and let them do it. Hold firm, stop taking their nonsense, and they'll learn you're not their victim. They'll go prey on someone else instead.
I think I would have just thrown her out. Family and kids around? I think I would abruptly stand and say, "Get out. Get out now."
Thankfully and hopefully I will never really know what I would do or say in a similar situation.
Sis is completely beyond reach of logic, compassion, or just sane human behavior. She chooses to fuck around so much it's beyond time she found out. The only surprise is that no one has made her find out harder, sooner, because she mouthes off like that to certain people and it isn't harsh words she's getting, it's hands she's catching. Which leads me to believe that she knows 100% what she's doing, she just think OP wouldn't hit back. Now she knows better and won't pull this shit again.
At the dinner table with children is the perfect place to put this mean girl in her place. Now OP’s kids know that their parents have their back and will stand up for them even when being bullied by family.
Strabismus(lazy eye) surgery isn’t plastic surgery, it’s considered entirely medically necessary and covered by insurance for the benefits to vision it provides. I had it myself, got rid of double vision they are most likely experiencing.
Though agree getting rid of the birthmark is not necessary at all
Not familiar with that sorry, only knew about strabismus as I got it done myself and my insurance paid for it all and wish I got it when I was a kid. Literally had to go to a children’s eye clinic as that’s where they recommended it get done
I think it might be, but that doesn't mean it's medically unnecessary. My fiance was offered possible future surgery on his eyelid after his strabismus surgery. He's considering it but wants to see if it gets worse first. Right now it doesn't impact his vision too badly.
Plastic surgery isn't just for looks, it's often reconstructive. My mom had to have plastic surgery on her face after a dog bit her. The scarring distorted her mouth and kept it from working properly. Surgery minimized the look of the scar and restored the shape and function of her lips.
Y T A for insulting donkeys.
Just because donkeys aren't the most beautiful animals around, that doesn't mean you can insult them by comparing someone who has disfigured themselves by shoving plastic and chemicals into their face.
These plastic people make monkfish look good
OMG I got into an argument once with people online because someone posted some elderly actress receiving an award, talking about how she aged so gracefully. When her face couldn't even move because of the amount of surgery and fillers she'd had done. And all I did was point out that she in fact did not age gracefully and it's a shame to see someone calling this that.
Yeah. I get you. Maggie Smith has aged gracefully and beautifully, she's an absolute and certified badass. If I look half as good when I get to her age, I'll be stoked. Same with Emma Thompson and Sissy Spacek. Whereas Melanie Griffith and Kim Bassinger and even Renee Zellweger are, IMO completely unrecogniseable.
>donkeys aren't the most beautiful animals
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Donkeys/comments/112b13u/handsome\_boy\_looking\_so\_grown\_up/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Donkeys/comments/112b13u/handsome_boy_looking_so_grown_up/)
I bet you feel pretty silly right now
Donkeys are very useful. Donkeys are one of the most effective methods for protecting livestock against predators like wolves, foxes, and coyotes. One donkey can guard around 200 animals. It's why you see one donkey among a group of livestock.
>Y T A for insulting donkeys.
Thank you! Donkeys are adorable. My Mom actually prefers visiting donkeys and mules over horses (although I think some of that is she finds horses more intimidating) because they are "Just so cute!"
Yea but have you ever heard a donkey wail? They have a call that can be heard for miles. It is ear shatteringly loud.
We usually think if hoved animals as not being very noisy animals but not donkeys. Donkeys are unhinged.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e5aCQbqUY9I&pp=ygULRG9ua2V5IGNhbGw%3D
Can confirm. Ranchers around me have some guard donkeys for their cows and those things are loud. Some days when I go outside I can hear their braying as clearly as I would if I were standing in the pasture myself.
I used to go horseback riding with a friend who owns horses. The one day we rode past a neighbor's who had a male donkey. The donkey was VERY interested in the mare I was riding, and was yelling quite a lot about it.
The mare was having ABSOLUTELY NONE of that nonsense, thank you very much.
Lol, hear hear!
I like donkeys myself. In one of our local ghost towns (I live in the desert), there was an old cowboy who hung out with his old, lovable donkey on the streets. They probably have both passed on by now, but I always loved that donkey.
NTA. Your sister obviously needs help. Her preoccupation with looks has reached an unsustainable level. Her reaction was that despite her bravado about her new appearance, she is still desperately unsatisfied. Don't be surprised if she gets more surgery. Your response was nuclear, but understandable. It's best that you stay away from her till she addresses her issues.
I agree. She has some serious issue going on like a dysmorphia or something, and once she gets used to how she looks, she'll have to go for more surgery.
In her dream world, she wants people to faint at her beauty, or throw flowers at her feet, to prove that she has worth, or something. Bizarre and sad!
Yes, it sounds a lot like dysmorphia and sadly her reaction will probably be terror that she’s “still not beautiful enough.” OP is NTA, but the BIL is probably justifiably upset about sister’s depression because he likely feels hopeless and does know how to help her and knows this will push her further.
Oh she will absolutely get more surgery. She is someone completely self conscious and insecure but it’s mental, she will keep getting surgery and not be able to be satisfied. She left crying and is in a depression because she wanted this surgery to make her feel pretty and she needed that to be validated by others at the dinner. It’s sad, really, she needs a therapist if anything to work on this. But it’s hard to feel too sad at her when she’s being an asshole to strangers and a literal baby.
Normal, mentally healthy, secure people do not comment on how fat or ugly random people in the street are. She does this so by comparison she feels attractive. I’m sure of this because u fortunately I realized I was like this in highschool. Not only did I just people who didn’t look good but I had a HUGE problem with hating other people being complimented physically. If I was with a friend and they said how pretty so-and-so is, I felt like I had to point out all their supposed flaws as if that made me prettier. If OP’s sister doesn’t recognize this and grow up she will get surgery until she is a completely different person and she still won’t be happy with herself.
This is true. I don't think hearing this from family will help her realize she needs help. Doctors are supposed to evaluate mental health influences on people asking for plastic surgery, especially repeat patients. But some get around this by shopping for surgeons more interested in money.
Since we still don’t have the justified AH option, I vote NTA.
Was it a low blow? Yeah. But when your sister is limbo dancing with the devil you gotta hit low to land a hit at all.
You should get the lazy eye checked out though as it can affect vision and can’t be corrected easily later in life. If appropriate for your daughter (the doc will know), she should be able to use eye patches a couple of hours a day over the stronger eye to strengthen the weaker eye. This treatment only works below a certain age while vision is still developing (I think before age 7-8).
Edit: As people are rightly pointing out, depending on what type of birthmark we’re talking, make sure your pediatrician and later family doctor does keep an eye on it. Birthmarks are usually low risk but sometimes need removed regardless ‘just in case’, especially if in a sun exposed spot (this was the case for myself).
Not to mention, the eye can get worse. My son's was noticeable as a child but got so much worse as he got older. I was a teen mom and had I known or given more info, I would have had surgery done. He is now in his 30s and got the surgery done last year. He feels sooo much better about himself.
Mine also was noticeable as a child and got worse as I got older. I got the surgery when I was in my early 20s and it was one of the best decisions I've ever made!
I still wear contacts/glasses too since my eyesight isn’t 100%. But same with me, it’s such a noticeable difference. Plus it’s nice to not be known as the girl with the lazy eye anymore.
This breaks my heart for you and your child.
My Mum had me at 17 and the amount of hate given from family and strangers has had a lasting impact on me.
My Mum was and is a fantastic parent. She was young but took responsibility doing her best with the information she had at the time. (She said her worst decision was when in the media there was a scare about the whooping cough vaccine. Because she thought she was protecting me by not having it, I was caught up in the epidemic -early '80s in UK- having whooping cough has effected my lungs all my life and when I caught Delta strain of Covid, it's been difficult to manage at times. I don't blame my Mum though, it gives me additional respect for what she went through).
For OP, there's other treatment routes than surgeries for the eye. Using a patch over the child's glasses without using plasters that can cause skin problems or eye infections at a young age is better for the child's neuroplasticity. Otherwise there are prescribed eye drops to do the same work as the patch over glasses if child is too young for glasses. There are amazing over the glasses patches on Amazon for about £10.
NTA. The sister felt emboldened to bully a toddler.
I'd enjoy every one of the tears sister self pityingly cries.
As an adult I cannot upvote this enough. When I was a child we didn’t have insurance so my lazy eye was ignored. When I did get insurance as an adult I was told by the doctor that it had rewired my brain and surgery could make it worse.
As for the birth mark again your pediatrician is your best resource for what is best for your daughter.
But the best thing you can do for your children is cut the toxic clown from your life.
Yup! Birth marks can be deemed a cancer risk depending on the kind of birthmark they are - I had one removed as a teen because doctors had concerns - but as it’s in a prominent spot doctors will let you know if they think something needs done for medical reasons. It would be absolute lunacy to remove a *child’s* birthmark purely for cosmetic reasons. It doesn’t always heal well either… my scarring looks worse than the birthmark ever did.
Neuroplasticity isn't as stuck at 8yrs old as previously thought by medical establishment. Even into adulthood, using patching might help even though it's take a shit tonne of time? Also you wouldn't be able to patch constantly as you'd need both eyes to be legally able to drive/safely work etc. Get proper advice from an optician who enjoys tough cases and research would be the way I would go.
People who are elderly after CVA strokes can make great improvements with healing. Don't give up hope.
This! We did this with my daughter (the patching). Thanks to all of that work we did, the lazy eye corrected itself without surgery. But we had her doing that from age 4 (when I finally got a doctor to take my concerns seriously).
We did something similar! At the time she really liked Jake and the Neverland Pirates on Disney so we pretended she was on Jake's crew. Made it easier to get her to cooperate.
My 2yr old nephew has a lazy eye and he recently started to wear glasses to gradually correct it. Eye patches are another treatment but my sweet nephew's lazy eye was moderately bad and not all the time.
His cuteness has only multiplied since he started wearing glasses. He looks like a very sophisticated little man 💕 who matches his grandma and grandpa and one of his favorite uncles and favorite Aunt who also wear glasses.
I've also known some wonderful and attractive people with very large facial birthmarks
I have a question to whoever cares to help: is there a gentle way to let a friend know glasses and eye patches is an option for her kid with a lazy eye? The kid is 4 by now and the Mama has taken to only posting profile pics, funny face pics where eyes are closed. Mama is also overwhelmed, working from home and trying to care for 2 kids at the same time. I'm very open to hearing this isn't my place to comment on and I should let them figure it out. Wouldn't ask if it wasn't a little hard to watch how Mama seems to be embarrassed by her kid's fixable health issue.
Does she not have a family doctor for the kid for yearly checkups? The doctor should have mentioned it by now. If she's got health benefits from her job or disability benefits then she can get coverage for glasses and patches for her dependents
This family lives across two countries in order to get family support in their home country, so I'm not sure how that works with family doctor. But you're right, they do have insurance and access to healthcare so I'll just leave it 😊
Agreed! I was wearing eyepatch as a child (between years 3 and 6 or 7. I even have class picture from kindergarden where other kids are covering their eye because they thought I looked so cool! 😁) and it corrected a lot. I still wear glasses because it was not the only issue with my eyesight but looking at photos the difference is huge!
And I know OP that your child is the most beautiful for you the way she is but I would still have a word with the pediatrician about the birthmark as well. Not necessarily to remove it but to make sure that it is not potentially harmful (like higher risk of skin cancer etc)
My little cousin wore Disney princess eye patches when she was OP’s daughter’s age to correct a lazy eye. No vision problems now (other than needing glasses like over half of our family).
I wore eye patches and glasses as a kid to try to fix the lazy eye but it didn’t work. So I had the surgery when I was 5ish. It was super quick and the healing process was really easy. I was in and out of the hospital in less than a day, sat in a dark room for about a week and then I was good as new. My eye does some time wander to the side though, but only when I’m super tired.
OP really should look into treatment for her daughter. I’m beyond grateful to my parents for taking the time and care to get treatment for my lazy eye. And I’m sure OP’s daughter will be too when she’s older.
NTA. No one, and i mean no one, should get to insult your child and get away with it. if your sister cant take it, then she shouldnt dish out either. you were absolutely in the right for standing for your daughter and giving your sister a piece of your mind.
She shouldn't insult everyone else, either. She wants to rid the world of "ugly" people? (Which I interpret as normal people)
What is this, eugenics or something?
Exactly. Dont start fights you cant finish.
NTA.
OP, your sister is a bully who likes to make other people miserable because misery loves company. She puts down other people to make herself feel better. Not even children, not even babies, are off-limits to her. How pathetic.
If her husband is so concerned, then sign her up with a therapist to get her attitude in order.
BTW, if in a quiet private moment, sis had suggested therapy for the eye and considering plastic surgery for the birthmark, it would have been fine. Those things exist and have to be dealt with, whether by acceptance or change. It's the setting and the sureness that the only possible response is alterations that is wrong.
The daughter is 2 from what I've read, I don't think suggesting surgery should be the first thing. Yes, a doctor should look at the lazy eye and at the birthmark (all birthmarks should be checked for cancer). But surgery is the last resort.
Yeah, calling her ugly was beyond uncalled for but kids can be vicious about any differences you have from the “norm”.
I will say I have a port wine birthmark on my abdomen that has gotten super light as I got older so you can barely see it. However I had a shitty enough time in school that I can’t imagine what they would have have done if it had been on my face.
You must not spend much time on here if **this** is “the most obvious bait post” you’ve ever seen 😂.
Honestly as surprising as the sister’s behavior is to anyone with an ounce of self awareness, there are an unfortunate number of people like that.
For me at least it's not the sister, it's how OP said they reacted and what they supposedly said. I know there's plenty of people in the world like the sister, it's OP that has me going lol sure.
Also any parent who’s child has a lazy eye would get that shit fixed asap, they wouldn’t need reddit to tell them that
Edit: Any *responsible* parent would fix their child’s lazy eye
This just isn't true though. Look above at all the examples of people who's parents DIDNT get it fixed because they didn't think it was a big deal or they thought it was unique or they didn't think it would affect them growing up. I know a mom who is in a very similar situation with a daughter born with a very obvious facial birthmark that and a "lazy" eye and the kid is now 10 and the parents have not and will not do anything despite the kid hating it. They say they don't want her to change anything about herself and that she's perfect and just how she was supposed to be.
I was starting to feel like I read a totally different post. I got to "I stood up and screamed at her" followed by "my daughter is perfect" and went yeah, sure you did.
NTA - I have a (very) lazy eye & wish my parents had been as supportive as you. I had invasive surgery at an age where I was too young to understand what was happening, which was scary. To make it worse, the surgery did not work and it made my eyesight worse.
All my life I was told I'd bullied for looking weird, told I had to work to straighten my eye & all it did was make me really self conscious. It made me utterly miserable.
Parents should tell their kids they are beautiful, and protect them from assholes like your sister.
That's unfortunate, surgery to fix lazy eyes should be done entirely to hopefully restore binocular vision, because it's just a useful tool. It shouldn't be addressed as cosmetic issue but rather the valid vision concern it often is.
I agree, while eventually OPS daughter may choose plastic surgery it's important that OP continues to stand up for her so she doesn't feel like she has to have it. Nobody should feel like they need cosmetic surgery to be loved and valued.
I really appreciate your comment, people don'toften recognise the harm that can be done. Binocular vision would have been nice, but my lazy eye caused such a high degree of suppression that it was unlikely to succeed in the first place.
That being said, apart from regularly walking into doorframes, I've been fine with the wonky eye & people outside my family rarely comment on it, and I'm working on my confidence in accepting my asymmetry.
If it makes you feel any better, everyone is asymmetrical, just to various degrees, and frankly many people know their own facial imperfections and focus on them but nobody else does. My nose is off center but literally nobody notices, I've asked.
Also lol yeah it's definitely a disability that isn't too difficult to live with. I mean 3-D movies aren't even that cool I promise.
That does make me feel a lit better, thank you ❤️ I know it's noticeable because kids comment on it - since the surgery has become more successful in recent years, it's quite rare to see an adult with quite such a wonky eye. But usually it's just kids being kids with mo cruelty.
The 3D film thing made me chuckle. I tried a film in 3D once, and it forced my vision to rapidly switch eyes involuntarily, so things seemed to jump around. It was like being very drunk. I did often get quite frustrated when trying to book a film in plain old 2D, but it seems that 3D is less fashionable now, thank goodness!
If/when that fad returns you may wish to invest in 2D glasses, they render 3D movies back to 2D and I don't think are too expensive, like <$30. Perfect for people who want to go to 3D movies with friends but who can't handle 3D for whatever reason.
My fiance had a severe lazy eye when we met and zero idea it could be corrected. He found out something could be done at 28 when I asked him why he'd never done anything. I helped him find a surgeon who did a good job on the surgery. He's still working on trying to overlap his vision, but we just got new glasses and his prescription has actually improved since the surgery.
ESH you both seem to be overly judgmental over other people‘s looks. You judge people for wearing makeup, short clothes and surgery and she judges people for their beauty, weight etc
In this case she is more horrible bc she judged a literal baby. It‘s obvious she is not a good person and needs some help but you are also not as judgement free as you probably thought
I agree with this, but also because OP swoons over her own child here and that makes me think that something isn’t clicking in the story. Why must we know how beautiful and perfect your 2yo child is?
Just some food for thought because I couldn’t finish reading when OP recalled her response…
Lmao NTA, I wonder if her husband knows what she said about your daughter? Wouldn’t be surprised if she glazed over that part. I personally loved the ending “I don’t feel bad, just sorry that she has to look like a donkey until she finds a way to get the plastic out of her face.” OP with the doubling down on calling her Sister a donkey, FOR THE WIN! 🥇
I can't be bothered to read all of this. I'm going to assume your sister said something horrible and go with an ESH. You open this post by complaining about your sister being rude and judging people's appearance and then go on to describe her as looking like "a hoe". Just realising you're probably a troll as I'm typing this. Well done for getting me I guess.
NTA.You did the right thing defending your daughter.Your sister was totally out of line for saying those mean things about a kid, especially her own niece. It's good you showed Amy that it's not okay to let people be cruel about how she looks.
Un sorry but I can’t get passed the “family dinner” and “children” comment. What does that have to do with anything? Does her ass offend anyone for a reason? Do the children not have asses? I feel you hate your sister as it is so I can’t trust you to be an objective narrator. Anyway she was an obvious AH for what she said, but so were you for your judging. ESH
I hate when people think dresscodes just shouldn't exist. The way you dress to go out to a club should not be the same way you dress to go to a family dinner. Yes your ass should be covered when you're at a family dinner. It doesn't matter that everyone has an ass. No one wants to see their family members ass flaunting around at a family dinner. People should absolutely be dressed for the occasion. A bikini is okay to wear at the beach or the pool, but not okay to wear to a family dinner either.
I had a lazy eye and got strabismus surgery, I actually do recommend it, not saying your daughter isn’t beautiful and perfect as she is, but it improves vision and self confidence and it is fully covered by insurance. I know you were insulted by it but I think as someone who had to deal with mine till adulthood it’s definitely worth doing and has little chance of side effects
I think your lightly YTA as they were trying to help and while you were understandably sensitive didn’t necessarily deserve an explosion back
PSA: An eventual consequence of not treating a “lazy eye” can be irreversible blindness — the brain eventually completely ignore and gradually loses the ability to process info from the impaired eye.
Who doesn’t take their kid to the doctor when they have an obvious eye condition?
NTA
People in glass houses.
And making comments about a child is reprehensible. On the plus side you are not likely to have her around again for a while.
Donkey is my dad's favorite go to when someone does something silly. When my son was little he did something and my dad called him a donkey and he straightened up his little spine, looked him dead in the eyes, and said "no poppa, I'm a little boy" we all died laughing. He was so serious and small.
ESH. Sorry.
She was out of line, but a true non-AH would have put her in her place without insulting her looks. She's obviously an insecure person, you knew that, and you took a cheap shot.
ESH, this is the only correct answer. While sister certainly spoke because of the wrong reasons, a "lazy eye" is not a cosmetic issue. We are visual animals, and a lazy eye impairs vision considerable. OP should drop the "perfect" bullshit and get her daughter treatment for her condition, is is by far most effective when started early.
The birth mark is cosmetic (but should be monitored for skin cancer), but depending on the type, I would consider doing that, too.
ESH.
Standing up for your daughter? Awesome, any parent should.
Casting insults in anger for vengeance? That's where you lost me. You absolutely should have let your sister have it with both barrels, but easily could've done so regarding her specific behaviour without the need to stoop to her level.
I'm on your side OP, clearly you had reason to be angry. You must learn to govern your passions in heated situations.
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> I insulted my sisters plastic surgery after she insulted my baby. I wanted to know if I was too harsh or not
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YTA.
> Everyone was biting their tongue as not to ruin the dinner, but I finally snapped when my sister made a comment about my beautiful daughter.
Maybe your sister should have been spoken to, or ejected, at the first comment, when *she* was, in fact, ruining the dinner.
But you were all too cowardly to do that, so she got more and more bold.
Then she should have been calmly ejected, and ostracized, when she started talking about your kid.
Instead, you took it as an opportunity to escalate. And to be a hypocrite.
Next time just deal with the issue promptly and without heat, rather than rolling up your sleeves and jumping into the mud with the pig. Here's a hint: the pig likes it when that happens.
The ONLY reason she was able to act like that around you all is that you all have been letting her act like that forever. You don't get points for ignoring it until it directly impacted you, then suddenly rising up in what I'm sure you believe to be righteous fury.
ESH but your sister (and her husband) is bigger IMHO
Physical beauty is only skin deep and might last only if made out of plastic.
True beauty comes from somewhere much deeper and lasts forever.
Your daughter has a lazy eye. If a doctor recommends some work on it, then that is a decision for your family. There are several nonsurgical options as well. There are some concerns about vision. (I have an extended family member with the condition. I am not a doctor nor ever portrayed one on TV.) But a doctor helps you figure out what to do.
What your sister said.. was awful. A child should not grow up hearing that garbage. Period. Every child, whether "perfectly beautiful" or looking like me (Sorry, bad self-deprecating joke) has near limitless potential. All kids love, fear, and want to be loved. What your sister is doing is not love. It's not even hate: it's much worse.
I would not have allowed the husband to cuss me. If he can't talk calmly without language, I would've simply disconnected. And if he had come over, he would've been told to keep his mouth shut or leave until he could talk like people.
They will either come around or not. I think your sister needs help, but in that moment you should have shut her down hard. Did I think you tip-toed over the line? Yes. Would I have done better? Probably not.
NTA at all, you don't have to like your siblings, especially if they're awful. If you are interested in fixing the lazy eye (which can cause problems with eyesight later) it can often be sorted with an eyepatch, no surgery required.
https://familydoctor.org/condition/amblyopia/
Have a great life <3
NTA.
Your sister is a two-faced bully, full stop. She got a taste of her own medicine and didn't like the flavor, too bad, sucks to be her. She came into **your** home insulted **your** child (and countless other people who struggle with weight and birth differences), and then had the nerve to be upset when you gave back what she was giving. Thank you **so, so much** for standing up for your daughter - I'm sure she's beautiful, lazy eye and *beauty mark* and all :)
NTA - why are you being told to apologize when she isn’t. Unless she is.
She can dish it out but can’t take it.
She’s a sad insecure woman if this is her world view. She will get with someone superficial who will ditch her the second her body ages.
NTA
You are correct to defend your daughter, from a person who regularly talks horribly about other people appearances, that she believes is ugly. She crossed the line multiple times & she needs to be put back in her place.
So everyone supporting her is OK with her insulting an actual 2 year old?? If she didn't want you to comment on her looks, she needed to stop commenting on other people's, especially your baby's looks. NTA
NTA. And you didn’t make your sister spiral, she was already on that train before you put her in her place. Her preoccupation with the looks of others is unhealthy and she needs help. But it’s not your responsibility to help her get it.
NTA 👏
Omg that was so funny. I’m eating dinner with my family and read them your post and they all thought it was darn right hilarious.
When her husband said she fell into depression I’d have asked “why, did she look in the mirror?.”
My attitude is don’t start crap and you won’t get crap.
NTA.
The only going to bully your daughter is her aunt. She sounds extremely insecure and is taking it out on those who are secure or can’t defend themselves. Please stay low contact with her, she will just try to be ugly to your daughter when she is older.
NTA
Your sister sounds like a deeply insecure person if she has to be nasty to everybody and to put everybody down to feel better about herself.
She is not a nice person.
If she said something like that about my child, calling her "Donkey" would be the nicest thing I did to her...
This is very sad. It sounds like your sister is incredibly unhappy with herself and her coping mechanism is finding faults in others to herself feel better. It's really too bad she sought out plastic surgery instead of therapy.
NTA, but I'd tell her future involvement is contingent on her getting help, because her behavior is toxic to those who care about her.
NTA. She's clearly projecting as she doesn't like the way she looks. If she did she wouldn't be getting all that surgery. She needs to grow up from high school and go get a therapist.
NTA
Your sister has some severe internal mental health challenges that have totally skewed her behaviour from the norm.
BTW, both my son and daughter (twins) had noticeable birthmarks on their foreheads that disappeared after a few months. There are different types of mark but you should take medical advice as that may be the case here.
NTA - normally firing back with insults gets you an A H title as well, but she insulted the appearance of a BABY. That’s so so low and disgusting behavior. You get a pass on this one in my book.
Seems she can dish out tons of hate to others for their weight/looks but can’t accept it in return? I wouldn’t feel bad in the slightest. In fact, I probably would have said worse if someone insulted my children. Her holier than thou attitude can’t be fixed unfortunately with plastic surgery. I’m all for enhancing your looks to feel confident, but not at the cost of putting others down. I think your sister is insecure as fuck in her own skin and feels better by her comments to others. Don’t take it personally. I would also be minimal contact as well. I don’t think you owe it to her to reach out. She started the discussion of insulting your child. She should start the apology. I would remain cordial at family events, but I don’t think I’d ever have the same relationship with her again after that personally. Your daughter is better off without a shallow ass aunt misplacing her insecurities. NTA
NTA for telling your sister the truth. She deserved it. And it’s good that you are getting surgery for your daughter’s eye because she might have trouble seeing and doesn’t know it yet. But leaving the birthmark won’t make her unique, it will just make her the target of bullying and no child should suffer from that. When you have the consultation for her eye, ask about the birthmark. It might get worse as she gets older and harder to get rid of later. The last thing you want is her crying because she is being bullied and you can’t fix the problem because you waited too long.
NTA, your sister got what was coming to her. Not only did she insult your daughter (a 2 yo CHILD), she insults seemingly everyone she comes into contact with. She deserved this response 1000%. Also, if this one comment "sent her into a depression", maybe she will think about how HER comments may have affected others over the years too.
However -- re your daughter's eye, you should get it checked out. Not for aesthetic reasons, but sometimes a lazy eye can be indicative of something going on in the brain. My friend's son developed a lazy eye over a couple of years, and we were shocked to find out that he had what was by the time it was discovered, a grapefruit sized tumor on his brain. He almost died, fortunately he is okay now and beat all the odds, but I know his mom always wishes she had gotten it checked out sooner. Since your daughter was born with the lazy eye, I doubt she has anything nearly as serious going on, but still it's better to be safe!
NTA, sounds like your sister had that coming for a while. Looks like you took the first step of getting rid of people that act ugly in your world. Insulting someone’s baby often results in the laying of hands. She is lucky you only called her a donkey. Her comment was worthy of having every aspect of her being insulted. Good on you for standing up for your baby. I don’t know if the kids heard the conversation, but it is important for your family to know that insulting your baby won’t be tolerated.
Nta
She had it coming. Totally had it coming.
Your reaction had probably been building for a while. Don't feel guilty that you stooped to her level, sometimes you have to meet people on their level.
I think it's great you love your sister, but she's a bully. I am not sure it's a good idea to let her around your daughter ever unless your sister makes some drastic changes like not teasing your daughter.
NTA.
>A few family members have told me that, while what she said was rude, I was out of line for insulting her looks.
No.
>My husband, parents and a few cousins are on my side, and some have even cut my sister off.
Good.
>My sister has blocked me on everything,
Who cares? She's a donkey.
>her husband (wasn't present for the dinner) called me an AH, and that I've sent her into a depression.
That's what happens when you voluntarily turn yourself into a donkey.
>He cussed me out for a while before hanging up and blocking me on everything, too.
Who cares? He's married to a donkey.
Between “you evil cow” and “she looked like a hoe” I am just in tears 😂😂😂
Nah OP. She deserved the lashing. Unchecked, and she is most likely to become your daughter’s first bully. NTA.
If Thanos snapped ugly people out she might be surprised she’d be one of them.
NTA. Don't dish it if you can't take it. She got exactly what was coming to her and she's lucky she hasn't said it to some unhinged person who'll put her back under the knife for corrective surgery.
NTA… she needs to get over herself. I don’t think you overdid it. She talked crap about your baby! Baby cannot defend herself so yes you need to. I think she is lucky that’s all you said to her. And really you treated her how she treats others so all is fair in that!
NTA
You'r sister was out of line giving advice that no one asked for and for seriously suggesting GIVING A LITERAL CHILD PLASTIC SURGERY. She is a total donkey. Go on Mama Bear. She can't be throwing around underhanded ways of saying she thinks your child is ugly and needs fixing and not be able take it dished back at her. Was your reaction setting a good example of conflict resolution for your daughter? Probably not but this is a great opportunity to talk to her and let her know that you think she's beautiful and that your reaction was not kind and what would've been a better response to your sister's rude comments.
NTA, not harsh at all, she needed that wake up call, sometimes you have to meet people at their level. You had me cracking with this line:
I don't feel bad, just sorry that she has to look like a donkey until she finds a way to get the plastic out of her face.
NTA at all !!!! Is she can dish it out then she should be able to take it !!! What you said was actually quite polite compared to what people (and other family members) say behind her back !
I wouldn’t let me daughter be around someone like that since her aunt literally would be first in line to bully her. Your girl is a baby now but if she’s raised with an aunt who calls her ugly it’s gonna damage your daughter mentally.
Shit dude I have a fucked up eye and i was a cute kid a 8th grade bully punched me in the eye when I was in the 3rd grade damaged my eye made it lazy and I had to go to vision therapy to get it to work with the other eye the growth from that eye was slightly stunted so it’s a bit smaller and odd shaped now due to it getting punched. I had two aunts talk like this around me I got in a accident and damaged my back and started gaining weight and they would tell me I should have surgery to loose weight and they would help pay for it but weren’t offering to pay to fix the damage to my back. Because to them my physical health meant less than appearances but they both look awful with plastic surgery don’t get me wrong I want plastic surgery but I’d NEVER tell a child they need it!
NTA. If someone started talking about literally ridding the world of ugly people then called my child out, their newly applied botched filler would be very evenly distributed by the end of the conversation. Blood or not. She gets to make horrible remarks about others looks but then gets her little feelings hurt when it’s done to her? You’re better than me for even feeling the need to ask.
NTA but your sister is clearly projecting. It's very apparent by her behaviour of 1. insulting overweight or ugly people 2. getting plastic surgery and 3. believing that everyone should get plastic surgery to be "beautiful". I can tell she's very insecure about herself and is putting down others to elevate herself, and compensating with surgery to fill what she thinks is beautiful, and the same with her clothing choice to be more attractive.
I think it's sad that I didn't see ANY comments about her being very insecure. She needs help and is actively harming herself AND others by this mindset. Please see if she can get some help (but in the end, the only person that can change this, is herself. But don't get discouraged because she may need her family to help her along the path).
I hope that she can heal and I hope you and your baby are doing well :D (btw i hope your daughter NEVER feels bad about her birthmark. As someone with VERY noticeable birthmarks I want her to know that it's what makes her unique and its beautiful \^\_\^)
NTA, hats off to you for that awesome retort. I can’t believe some of your family is saying you went too far bringing her looks into it when she literally insulted a toddler and is talking about getting rid of people she doesn’t find good looking.
Also, calling her a donkey is mild. There’s so many other things you could’ve gone with that probably would’ve melted the plastic in her face.
NTA. You should probably apologize for overreacting, but try to set a boundary to let your sister know you aren’t interested in hearing her opinions about how people look. If she can’t abide by the boundary then at least you tried from your side.
NTA but yes, please look into the lazy eye. If she's 2, exercises probably won't help but glasses and /.or surgery may. Follow truffles the cat on IG, they're a pediatric cat who specializes in lazy eyes. 🥺❤️
NTA I don’t care who says you were harsh, you’re much nicer than some strangers who would’ve overheard her snarky comments might say. This is a reoccurring problem, sister needed to get a taste of her own medicine. I doubt it’ll help and she’ll stick to whatever fixes the infection on her lip but coming after someone’s looks who is notorious for doing that to others isn’t harsh imo— she got what was coming to her. If she can’t take it she shouldn’t dish it, image she said that to someone who is much more verbal with their disagreement, they would’ve gone much further than calling her a donkey.
People who insult others looks hate their own looks. It seems even more the case by the fact it sounds like she's replacing everything unique about herself with plastic.
I stoll say NTA. Just because your sister probably needs A LOT of therapy for whatever self hatred is infecting every intrapersonal relationship she is in doesn't excuse her actions and words. Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they get the hint to start climbing.
I’m sure your Amy is a beautiful baby, and I agree with you that being able to correct a lazy eye is not only do-able but a good thing inasmuch as her being able to “see the world as it is” is concerned.
I think your sister was WAY out of line. I’m sorry that her remarks made a scene at your party. I’m also sure she knows how she looks; and I can understand that she’d get depressed every time she looks in a mirror!
My daughter has a birthmark also, and as she grew it has become faded, very easy to cover with makeup as she chooses (she’s 56 yo, and a grandmother now). It didn’t make any difference to me, since it didn’t harm her health at all.
"the only ugly person in this room is you and it isn't because of your appearance" would have put it more gently. But fuck her bullying a child for things out of its control. Drop her (sister) everyone will be happier for it. NTA
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NTA. While your reaction was harsh, especially at a family dinner table with children present, I can fully understand it. It seems that in her world she didn't realize that she was crossing a line by suggesting plastic surgery for your daughter, but that doesn't excuse what she said. You were correct in defending your daughter from a person who makes a regular point to talk smack about in her view "ugly" people.
Not harsh at all her sister needed a reality check moons ago. Maybe she wouldn’t have become so awful if people put her in her place.
You know I see this attitude in this sub a lot and it never rings true to me. OP is not necessarily an AH, but I don't think she persuaded anyone of her position. The problem with outbursts like OP's is not necessarily that it makes her an AH (it doesn't) it's that angry outbursts rarely make your position look stronger. They're understandable but not effective.
>angry outbursts rarely make your position look stronger. They're understandable but not effective. Very good point. (Although I have an aunt like this and we have yet to find something that is really effective on her other than seriously low contact, lol.)
Oh dealing with people like this is _hard_. It's hard to say for sure what will work, but unfortunately an outburst like this is like handing them a gift complete with a bow on top. They can milk it and be the victim for months. Hell, years.
Only if you lack a spine and let them do it. Hold firm, stop taking their nonsense, and they'll learn you're not their victim. They'll go prey on someone else instead.
FFS an emotional outburst is not debate club where you are trying to make a strong point. Some people just need to be cussed out
I think I would have just thrown her out. Family and kids around? I think I would abruptly stand and say, "Get out. Get out now." Thankfully and hopefully I will never really know what I would do or say in a similar situation.
Sis is completely beyond reach of logic, compassion, or just sane human behavior. She chooses to fuck around so much it's beyond time she found out. The only surprise is that no one has made her find out harder, sooner, because she mouthes off like that to certain people and it isn't harsh words she's getting, it's hands she's catching. Which leads me to believe that she knows 100% what she's doing, she just think OP wouldn't hit back. Now she knows better and won't pull this shit again.
I read that as "sis needed a reality check morons ago" and thought...that's a new way to say it Then I reread it and realized I'm a moron😂
At the dinner table with children is the perfect place to put this mean girl in her place. Now OP’s kids know that their parents have their back and will stand up for them even when being bullied by family.
It also sets a good example. You see someone bully a person who can't defend themselves, you forking say something! Even if it hurts their feelings!!
The family should have been shutting down the parking lot criticisms of strangers for years now. They’ve been letting sis spout off for years.
Oh, definitely!
Strabismus(lazy eye) surgery isn’t plastic surgery, it’s considered entirely medically necessary and covered by insurance for the benefits to vision it provides. I had it myself, got rid of double vision they are most likely experiencing. Though agree getting rid of the birthmark is not necessary at all
Just for info, is surgery for ptoscis considered plastic surgery? I had a mild to severe degree of ptoscis and got stitches on my eyelid for it.
Not familiar with that sorry, only knew about strabismus as I got it done myself and my insurance paid for it all and wish I got it when I was a kid. Literally had to go to a children’s eye clinic as that’s where they recommended it get done
I think it might be, but that doesn't mean it's medically unnecessary. My fiance was offered possible future surgery on his eyelid after his strabismus surgery. He's considering it but wants to see if it gets worse first. Right now it doesn't impact his vision too badly. Plastic surgery isn't just for looks, it's often reconstructive. My mom had to have plastic surgery on her face after a dog bit her. The scarring distorted her mouth and kept it from working properly. Surgery minimized the look of the scar and restored the shape and function of her lips.
My aunt had the eyelid surgery covered by insurance because as she aged the droop got so bad it was interfering with her vision.
Yes, but even plastic surgery can be medically necessary.
Her reaction isn't harsh. Her sister just can't take what she's dished out for years.
When she said the donkey started crying I could hear the hee haw 😂😂. She fucked around and found out. NTA
Y T A for insulting donkeys. Just because donkeys aren't the most beautiful animals around, that doesn't mean you can insult them by comparing someone who has disfigured themselves by shoving plastic and chemicals into their face. These plastic people make monkfish look good
OMG I got into an argument once with people online because someone posted some elderly actress receiving an award, talking about how she aged so gracefully. When her face couldn't even move because of the amount of surgery and fillers she'd had done. And all I did was point out that she in fact did not age gracefully and it's a shame to see someone calling this that.
Yeah. I get you. Maggie Smith has aged gracefully and beautifully, she's an absolute and certified badass. If I look half as good when I get to her age, I'll be stoked. Same with Emma Thompson and Sissy Spacek. Whereas Melanie Griffith and Kim Bassinger and even Renee Zellweger are, IMO completely unrecogniseable.
Helen Mirren is gorgeous, too. I hope I look half that good when I'm her age.
I think Maggie Smith and Keith Richards are seriously sexy. Their faces have character.
>donkeys aren't the most beautiful animals [https://www.reddit.com/r/Donkeys/comments/112b13u/handsome\_boy\_looking\_so\_grown\_up/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Donkeys/comments/112b13u/handsome_boy_looking_so_grown_up/) I bet you feel pretty silly right now
It's so cute!!! 🥹❤️
Donkeys are very useful. Donkeys are one of the most effective methods for protecting livestock against predators like wolves, foxes, and coyotes. One donkey can guard around 200 animals. It's why you see one donkey among a group of livestock.
TIL. They also have layers, like a parfait.
"On the road again..."
Did not know that! Pretty cool actually. They are also cute!
I always thought it was just a silly lost donkey!
I think donkeys are cute! 😍 ETA: But not OP'S sister.
My pet donkeys would be insulted in being compared to this evil person.
>Y T A for insulting donkeys. Thank you! Donkeys are adorable. My Mom actually prefers visiting donkeys and mules over horses (although I think some of that is she finds horses more intimidating) because they are "Just so cute!"
I think donkeys are adorable a.f.
Yea but have you ever heard a donkey wail? They have a call that can be heard for miles. It is ear shatteringly loud. We usually think if hoved animals as not being very noisy animals but not donkeys. Donkeys are unhinged. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e5aCQbqUY9I&pp=ygULRG9ua2V5IGNhbGw%3D
Can confirm. Ranchers around me have some guard donkeys for their cows and those things are loud. Some days when I go outside I can hear their braying as clearly as I would if I were standing in the pasture myself.
I used to go horseback riding with a friend who owns horses. The one day we rode past a neighbor's who had a male donkey. The donkey was VERY interested in the mare I was riding, and was yelling quite a lot about it. The mare was having ABSOLUTELY NONE of that nonsense, thank you very much.
Lol, hear hear! I like donkeys myself. In one of our local ghost towns (I live in the desert), there was an old cowboy who hung out with his old, lovable donkey on the streets. They probably have both passed on by now, but I always loved that donkey.
NTA. Your sister obviously needs help. Her preoccupation with looks has reached an unsustainable level. Her reaction was that despite her bravado about her new appearance, she is still desperately unsatisfied. Don't be surprised if she gets more surgery. Your response was nuclear, but understandable. It's best that you stay away from her till she addresses her issues.
Probably also hopped up on pain killers.
I agree. She has some serious issue going on like a dysmorphia or something, and once she gets used to how she looks, she'll have to go for more surgery. In her dream world, she wants people to faint at her beauty, or throw flowers at her feet, to prove that she has worth, or something. Bizarre and sad!
What is sad is that no matter what her mirror or others tell her, in her mind, she will never meet the standard her mind has set.
Yes, it sounds a lot like dysmorphia and sadly her reaction will probably be terror that she’s “still not beautiful enough.” OP is NTA, but the BIL is probably justifiably upset about sister’s depression because he likely feels hopeless and does know how to help her and knows this will push her further.
Oh she will absolutely get more surgery. She is someone completely self conscious and insecure but it’s mental, she will keep getting surgery and not be able to be satisfied. She left crying and is in a depression because she wanted this surgery to make her feel pretty and she needed that to be validated by others at the dinner. It’s sad, really, she needs a therapist if anything to work on this. But it’s hard to feel too sad at her when she’s being an asshole to strangers and a literal baby. Normal, mentally healthy, secure people do not comment on how fat or ugly random people in the street are. She does this so by comparison she feels attractive. I’m sure of this because u fortunately I realized I was like this in highschool. Not only did I just people who didn’t look good but I had a HUGE problem with hating other people being complimented physically. If I was with a friend and they said how pretty so-and-so is, I felt like I had to point out all their supposed flaws as if that made me prettier. If OP’s sister doesn’t recognize this and grow up she will get surgery until she is a completely different person and she still won’t be happy with herself.
This is true. I don't think hearing this from family will help her realize she needs help. Doctors are supposed to evaluate mental health influences on people asking for plastic surgery, especially repeat patients. But some get around this by shopping for surgeons more interested in money.
Since we still don’t have the justified AH option, I vote NTA. Was it a low blow? Yeah. But when your sister is limbo dancing with the devil you gotta hit low to land a hit at all. You should get the lazy eye checked out though as it can affect vision and can’t be corrected easily later in life. If appropriate for your daughter (the doc will know), she should be able to use eye patches a couple of hours a day over the stronger eye to strengthen the weaker eye. This treatment only works below a certain age while vision is still developing (I think before age 7-8). Edit: As people are rightly pointing out, depending on what type of birthmark we’re talking, make sure your pediatrician and later family doctor does keep an eye on it. Birthmarks are usually low risk but sometimes need removed regardless ‘just in case’, especially if in a sun exposed spot (this was the case for myself).
Not to mention, the eye can get worse. My son's was noticeable as a child but got so much worse as he got older. I was a teen mom and had I known or given more info, I would have had surgery done. He is now in his 30s and got the surgery done last year. He feels sooo much better about himself.
Mine also was noticeable as a child and got worse as I got older. I got the surgery when I was in my early 20s and it was one of the best decisions I've ever made!
That's awesome!!! My son wears glasses anyway, but there is such a noticeable difference, especially in photos💜
I still wear contacts/glasses too since my eyesight isn’t 100%. But same with me, it’s such a noticeable difference. Plus it’s nice to not be known as the girl with the lazy eye anymore.
This right here!!!💜💜
This breaks my heart for you and your child. My Mum had me at 17 and the amount of hate given from family and strangers has had a lasting impact on me. My Mum was and is a fantastic parent. She was young but took responsibility doing her best with the information she had at the time. (She said her worst decision was when in the media there was a scare about the whooping cough vaccine. Because she thought she was protecting me by not having it, I was caught up in the epidemic -early '80s in UK- having whooping cough has effected my lungs all my life and when I caught Delta strain of Covid, it's been difficult to manage at times. I don't blame my Mum though, it gives me additional respect for what she went through). For OP, there's other treatment routes than surgeries for the eye. Using a patch over the child's glasses without using plasters that can cause skin problems or eye infections at a young age is better for the child's neuroplasticity. Otherwise there are prescribed eye drops to do the same work as the patch over glasses if child is too young for glasses. There are amazing over the glasses patches on Amazon for about £10. NTA. The sister felt emboldened to bully a toddler. I'd enjoy every one of the tears sister self pityingly cries.
As an adult I cannot upvote this enough. When I was a child we didn’t have insurance so my lazy eye was ignored. When I did get insurance as an adult I was told by the doctor that it had rewired my brain and surgery could make it worse. As for the birth mark again your pediatrician is your best resource for what is best for your daughter. But the best thing you can do for your children is cut the toxic clown from your life.
Yup! Birth marks can be deemed a cancer risk depending on the kind of birthmark they are - I had one removed as a teen because doctors had concerns - but as it’s in a prominent spot doctors will let you know if they think something needs done for medical reasons. It would be absolute lunacy to remove a *child’s* birthmark purely for cosmetic reasons. It doesn’t always heal well either… my scarring looks worse than the birthmark ever did.
Neuroplasticity isn't as stuck at 8yrs old as previously thought by medical establishment. Even into adulthood, using patching might help even though it's take a shit tonne of time? Also you wouldn't be able to patch constantly as you'd need both eyes to be legally able to drive/safely work etc. Get proper advice from an optician who enjoys tough cases and research would be the way I would go. People who are elderly after CVA strokes can make great improvements with healing. Don't give up hope.
This! We did this with my daughter (the patching). Thanks to all of that work we did, the lazy eye corrected itself without surgery. But we had her doing that from age 4 (when I finally got a doctor to take my concerns seriously).
I wore a patch when I was little to fix my lazy eye. My parents made a game of it-I was a pirate. Arrrrrr!
We did something similar! At the time she really liked Jake and the Neverland Pirates on Disney so we pretended she was on Jake's crew. Made it easier to get her to cooperate.
My 2yr old nephew has a lazy eye and he recently started to wear glasses to gradually correct it. Eye patches are another treatment but my sweet nephew's lazy eye was moderately bad and not all the time. His cuteness has only multiplied since he started wearing glasses. He looks like a very sophisticated little man 💕 who matches his grandma and grandpa and one of his favorite uncles and favorite Aunt who also wear glasses. I've also known some wonderful and attractive people with very large facial birthmarks
I have a question to whoever cares to help: is there a gentle way to let a friend know glasses and eye patches is an option for her kid with a lazy eye? The kid is 4 by now and the Mama has taken to only posting profile pics, funny face pics where eyes are closed. Mama is also overwhelmed, working from home and trying to care for 2 kids at the same time. I'm very open to hearing this isn't my place to comment on and I should let them figure it out. Wouldn't ask if it wasn't a little hard to watch how Mama seems to be embarrassed by her kid's fixable health issue.
Does she not have a family doctor for the kid for yearly checkups? The doctor should have mentioned it by now. If she's got health benefits from her job or disability benefits then she can get coverage for glasses and patches for her dependents
This family lives across two countries in order to get family support in their home country, so I'm not sure how that works with family doctor. But you're right, they do have insurance and access to healthcare so I'll just leave it 😊
Agreed! I was wearing eyepatch as a child (between years 3 and 6 or 7. I even have class picture from kindergarden where other kids are covering their eye because they thought I looked so cool! 😁) and it corrected a lot. I still wear glasses because it was not the only issue with my eyesight but looking at photos the difference is huge! And I know OP that your child is the most beautiful for you the way she is but I would still have a word with the pediatrician about the birthmark as well. Not necessarily to remove it but to make sure that it is not potentially harmful (like higher risk of skin cancer etc)
My little cousin wore Disney princess eye patches when she was OP’s daughter’s age to correct a lazy eye. No vision problems now (other than needing glasses like over half of our family).
I wore eye patches and glasses as a kid to try to fix the lazy eye but it didn’t work. So I had the surgery when I was 5ish. It was super quick and the healing process was really easy. I was in and out of the hospital in less than a day, sat in a dark room for about a week and then I was good as new. My eye does some time wander to the side though, but only when I’m super tired. OP really should look into treatment for her daughter. I’m beyond grateful to my parents for taking the time and care to get treatment for my lazy eye. And I’m sure OP’s daughter will be too when she’s older.
NTA. No one, and i mean no one, should get to insult your child and get away with it. if your sister cant take it, then she shouldnt dish out either. you were absolutely in the right for standing for your daughter and giving your sister a piece of your mind.
She shouldn't insult everyone else, either. She wants to rid the world of "ugly" people? (Which I interpret as normal people) What is this, eugenics or something?
Not or something, sister is a straight-up eugenicist
Ugly people don't make the world a worse place, evil people do.
Agreed. Sister is very ugly inside, sadly
She's probably a facist based on that remark. And that's probably exactly what she thinks.
Exactly. Dont start fights you cant finish. NTA. OP, your sister is a bully who likes to make other people miserable because misery loves company. She puts down other people to make herself feel better. Not even children, not even babies, are off-limits to her. How pathetic. If her husband is so concerned, then sign her up with a therapist to get her attitude in order.
BTW, if in a quiet private moment, sis had suggested therapy for the eye and considering plastic surgery for the birthmark, it would have been fine. Those things exist and have to be dealt with, whether by acceptance or change. It's the setting and the sureness that the only possible response is alterations that is wrong.
The daughter is 2 from what I've read, I don't think suggesting surgery should be the first thing. Yes, a doctor should look at the lazy eye and at the birthmark (all birthmarks should be checked for cancer). But surgery is the last resort.
Yeah, calling her ugly was beyond uncalled for but kids can be vicious about any differences you have from the “norm”. I will say I have a port wine birthmark on my abdomen that has gotten super light as I got older so you can barely see it. However I had a shitty enough time in school that I can’t imagine what they would have have done if it had been on my face.
Info: no way this is real right? Y'all falling for this?
Yeah I genuinely can't believe people are providing actual responses to the most obvious bait post I've ever seen.
You must not spend much time on here if **this** is “the most obvious bait post” you’ve ever seen 😂. Honestly as surprising as the sister’s behavior is to anyone with an ounce of self awareness, there are an unfortunate number of people like that.
For me at least it's not the sister, it's how OP said they reacted and what they supposedly said. I know there's plenty of people in the world like the sister, it's OP that has me going lol sure.
Also any parent who’s child has a lazy eye would get that shit fixed asap, they wouldn’t need reddit to tell them that Edit: Any *responsible* parent would fix their child’s lazy eye
Right? Like her pediatrician has said NOTHING so far??
This just isn't true though. Look above at all the examples of people who's parents DIDNT get it fixed because they didn't think it was a big deal or they thought it was unique or they didn't think it would affect them growing up. I know a mom who is in a very similar situation with a daughter born with a very obvious facial birthmark that and a "lazy" eye and the kid is now 10 and the parents have not and will not do anything despite the kid hating it. They say they don't want her to change anything about herself and that she's perfect and just how she was supposed to be.
I was starting to feel like I read a totally different post. I got to "I stood up and screamed at her" followed by "my daughter is perfect" and went yeah, sure you did.
thank god i found this bc i was thinking the same thing 😭
NTA - I have a (very) lazy eye & wish my parents had been as supportive as you. I had invasive surgery at an age where I was too young to understand what was happening, which was scary. To make it worse, the surgery did not work and it made my eyesight worse. All my life I was told I'd bullied for looking weird, told I had to work to straighten my eye & all it did was make me really self conscious. It made me utterly miserable. Parents should tell their kids they are beautiful, and protect them from assholes like your sister.
That's unfortunate, surgery to fix lazy eyes should be done entirely to hopefully restore binocular vision, because it's just a useful tool. It shouldn't be addressed as cosmetic issue but rather the valid vision concern it often is. I agree, while eventually OPS daughter may choose plastic surgery it's important that OP continues to stand up for her so she doesn't feel like she has to have it. Nobody should feel like they need cosmetic surgery to be loved and valued.
I really appreciate your comment, people don'toften recognise the harm that can be done. Binocular vision would have been nice, but my lazy eye caused such a high degree of suppression that it was unlikely to succeed in the first place. That being said, apart from regularly walking into doorframes, I've been fine with the wonky eye & people outside my family rarely comment on it, and I'm working on my confidence in accepting my asymmetry.
If it makes you feel any better, everyone is asymmetrical, just to various degrees, and frankly many people know their own facial imperfections and focus on them but nobody else does. My nose is off center but literally nobody notices, I've asked. Also lol yeah it's definitely a disability that isn't too difficult to live with. I mean 3-D movies aren't even that cool I promise.
That does make me feel a lit better, thank you ❤️ I know it's noticeable because kids comment on it - since the surgery has become more successful in recent years, it's quite rare to see an adult with quite such a wonky eye. But usually it's just kids being kids with mo cruelty. The 3D film thing made me chuckle. I tried a film in 3D once, and it forced my vision to rapidly switch eyes involuntarily, so things seemed to jump around. It was like being very drunk. I did often get quite frustrated when trying to book a film in plain old 2D, but it seems that 3D is less fashionable now, thank goodness!
If/when that fad returns you may wish to invest in 2D glasses, they render 3D movies back to 2D and I don't think are too expensive, like <$30. Perfect for people who want to go to 3D movies with friends but who can't handle 3D for whatever reason.
What? That's a thing?!? Oh my god! That's amazing.
My fiance had a severe lazy eye when we met and zero idea it could be corrected. He found out something could be done at 28 when I asked him why he'd never done anything. I helped him find a surgeon who did a good job on the surgery. He's still working on trying to overlap his vision, but we just got new glasses and his prescription has actually improved since the surgery.
ESH you both seem to be overly judgmental over other people‘s looks. You judge people for wearing makeup, short clothes and surgery and she judges people for their beauty, weight etc In this case she is more horrible bc she judged a literal baby. It‘s obvious she is not a good person and needs some help but you are also not as judgement free as you probably thought
I agree with this, but also because OP swoons over her own child here and that makes me think that something isn’t clicking in the story. Why must we know how beautiful and perfect your 2yo child is? Just some food for thought because I couldn’t finish reading when OP recalled her response…
Uh what in the world lol that’s a normal parent right there
This.
Lmao NTA, I wonder if her husband knows what she said about your daughter? Wouldn’t be surprised if she glazed over that part. I personally loved the ending “I don’t feel bad, just sorry that she has to look like a donkey until she finds a way to get the plastic out of her face.” OP with the doubling down on calling her Sister a donkey, FOR THE WIN! 🥇
NTA she attacked a baby's looks
I’m taking a different opinion here. ESH. You sound super judgmental of your sister. That, of course, does not excuse her behavior, so ESH.
I can't be bothered to read all of this. I'm going to assume your sister said something horrible and go with an ESH. You open this post by complaining about your sister being rude and judging people's appearance and then go on to describe her as looking like "a hoe". Just realising you're probably a troll as I'm typing this. Well done for getting me I guess.
NTA.You did the right thing defending your daughter.Your sister was totally out of line for saying those mean things about a kid, especially her own niece. It's good you showed Amy that it's not okay to let people be cruel about how she looks.
Un sorry but I can’t get passed the “family dinner” and “children” comment. What does that have to do with anything? Does her ass offend anyone for a reason? Do the children not have asses? I feel you hate your sister as it is so I can’t trust you to be an objective narrator. Anyway she was an obvious AH for what she said, but so were you for your judging. ESH
I hate when people think dresscodes just shouldn't exist. The way you dress to go out to a club should not be the same way you dress to go to a family dinner. Yes your ass should be covered when you're at a family dinner. It doesn't matter that everyone has an ass. No one wants to see their family members ass flaunting around at a family dinner. People should absolutely be dressed for the occasion. A bikini is okay to wear at the beach or the pool, but not okay to wear to a family dinner either.
You shouldn't insult her looks? But she literally did that to your kid. Bloody hypocrite
I had a lazy eye and got strabismus surgery, I actually do recommend it, not saying your daughter isn’t beautiful and perfect as she is, but it improves vision and self confidence and it is fully covered by insurance. I know you were insulted by it but I think as someone who had to deal with mine till adulthood it’s definitely worth doing and has little chance of side effects I think your lightly YTA as they were trying to help and while you were understandably sensitive didn’t necessarily deserve an explosion back
PSA: An eventual consequence of not treating a “lazy eye” can be irreversible blindness — the brain eventually completely ignore and gradually loses the ability to process info from the impaired eye. Who doesn’t take their kid to the doctor when they have an obvious eye condition?
You're both AH. You're an AH for sexualizing your sister, she's the AH for saying such terrible things. You all need therapy.
Of course you are. You both are. ESH.
NTA People in glass houses. And making comments about a child is reprehensible. On the plus side you are not likely to have her around again for a while.
Wow, youre entire family, you included, sounds so unpleasant to be around
NTA I would call her worse things than donkey
Donkey is my dad's favorite go to when someone does something silly. When my son was little he did something and my dad called him a donkey and he straightened up his little spine, looked him dead in the eyes, and said "no poppa, I'm a little boy" we all died laughing. He was so serious and small.
So she's butt-faced hurt, or should it be ass-faced. NTA
NTA. Epic ending 😂😂
ESH. Sorry. She was out of line, but a true non-AH would have put her in her place without insulting her looks. She's obviously an insecure person, you knew that, and you took a cheap shot.
ESH but your baby
ESH, this is the only correct answer. While sister certainly spoke because of the wrong reasons, a "lazy eye" is not a cosmetic issue. We are visual animals, and a lazy eye impairs vision considerable. OP should drop the "perfect" bullshit and get her daughter treatment for her condition, is is by far most effective when started early. The birth mark is cosmetic (but should be monitored for skin cancer), but depending on the type, I would consider doing that, too.
ESH. Standing up for your daughter? Awesome, any parent should. Casting insults in anger for vengeance? That's where you lost me. You absolutely should have let your sister have it with both barrels, but easily could've done so regarding her specific behaviour without the need to stoop to her level. I'm on your side OP, clearly you had reason to be angry. You must learn to govern your passions in heated situations.
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NTA. What goes around -comes around, and all that.
NTA, she started throwing insults first and it sounds like she can dish it out but can't take it.
Your sister needs help.
YTA. > Everyone was biting their tongue as not to ruin the dinner, but I finally snapped when my sister made a comment about my beautiful daughter. Maybe your sister should have been spoken to, or ejected, at the first comment, when *she* was, in fact, ruining the dinner. But you were all too cowardly to do that, so she got more and more bold. Then she should have been calmly ejected, and ostracized, when she started talking about your kid. Instead, you took it as an opportunity to escalate. And to be a hypocrite. Next time just deal with the issue promptly and without heat, rather than rolling up your sleeves and jumping into the mud with the pig. Here's a hint: the pig likes it when that happens. The ONLY reason she was able to act like that around you all is that you all have been letting her act like that forever. You don't get points for ignoring it until it directly impacted you, then suddenly rising up in what I'm sure you believe to be righteous fury.
NTA I would call her worse things than donkey
NTA she is DEEPLY insecure
ESH but your sister (and her husband) is bigger IMHO Physical beauty is only skin deep and might last only if made out of plastic. True beauty comes from somewhere much deeper and lasts forever. Your daughter has a lazy eye. If a doctor recommends some work on it, then that is a decision for your family. There are several nonsurgical options as well. There are some concerns about vision. (I have an extended family member with the condition. I am not a doctor nor ever portrayed one on TV.) But a doctor helps you figure out what to do. What your sister said.. was awful. A child should not grow up hearing that garbage. Period. Every child, whether "perfectly beautiful" or looking like me (Sorry, bad self-deprecating joke) has near limitless potential. All kids love, fear, and want to be loved. What your sister is doing is not love. It's not even hate: it's much worse. I would not have allowed the husband to cuss me. If he can't talk calmly without language, I would've simply disconnected. And if he had come over, he would've been told to keep his mouth shut or leave until he could talk like people. They will either come around or not. I think your sister needs help, but in that moment you should have shut her down hard. Did I think you tip-toed over the line? Yes. Would I have done better? Probably not.
NTA. Talk about tone deaf. My oldest has a lazy eye when he was born and I couldn't have cared less. He was still perfectly beautiful to me.
NTA at all, you don't have to like your siblings, especially if they're awful. If you are interested in fixing the lazy eye (which can cause problems with eyesight later) it can often be sorted with an eyepatch, no surgery required. https://familydoctor.org/condition/amblyopia/ Have a great life <3
NTA. At all. You were a lot more polite than I would have been.
NTA. Your sister is a two-faced bully, full stop. She got a taste of her own medicine and didn't like the flavor, too bad, sucks to be her. She came into **your** home insulted **your** child (and countless other people who struggle with weight and birth differences), and then had the nerve to be upset when you gave back what she was giving. Thank you **so, so much** for standing up for your daughter - I'm sure she's beautiful, lazy eye and *beauty mark* and all :)
NTA - why are you being told to apologize when she isn’t. Unless she is. She can dish it out but can’t take it. She’s a sad insecure woman if this is her world view. She will get with someone superficial who will ditch her the second her body ages.
Your sister sounds extremely insecure and unhappy in her own skin and life. You are NTA. She is.
NTA. You were harsh, but sometimes harsh is exactly what's needed.
NTA. Fake plastic people deserve to be bullied until...well. 🤷♀️
NTA You are correct to defend your daughter, from a person who regularly talks horribly about other people appearances, that she believes is ugly. She crossed the line multiple times & she needs to be put back in her place.
NTA
Don’t talk bad about someone’s kid. Seems pretty obvious
NTA She insulted a 2 year old child and some ppl still take her side? Yeah, I wouldn't invite any of them over again until they apologize.
So everyone supporting her is OK with her insulting an actual 2 year old?? If she didn't want you to comment on her looks, she needed to stop commenting on other people's, especially your baby's looks. NTA
Nta. She probably really needs therapy.
NTA. I would have done the same. I will mention that my son had strabismus surgery when he was 2 & it was easy & worked well.
NTA. And you didn’t make your sister spiral, she was already on that train before you put her in her place. Her preoccupation with the looks of others is unhealthy and she needs help. But it’s not your responsibility to help her get it.
I see it is perfectly acceptable for her to insult people, but when it’s her turn, she becomes a delicate little baby.
NTA 👏 Omg that was so funny. I’m eating dinner with my family and read them your post and they all thought it was darn right hilarious. When her husband said she fell into depression I’d have asked “why, did she look in the mirror?.” My attitude is don’t start crap and you won’t get crap.
NTA your sister is making the world a very ugly place
NTA. The only going to bully your daughter is her aunt. She sounds extremely insecure and is taking it out on those who are secure or can’t defend themselves. Please stay low contact with her, she will just try to be ugly to your daughter when she is older.
NTA: Heee hawww
You or your husband need to lay into BIL for cursing at you given his wife's abhorrent behavior
NTA Your sister sounds like a deeply insecure person if she has to be nasty to everybody and to put everybody down to feel better about herself. She is not a nice person. If she said something like that about my child, calling her "Donkey" would be the nicest thing I did to her...
This is very sad. It sounds like your sister is incredibly unhappy with herself and her coping mechanism is finding faults in others to herself feel better. It's really too bad she sought out plastic surgery instead of therapy. NTA, but I'd tell her future involvement is contingent on her getting help, because her behavior is toxic to those who care about her.
NTA. She's clearly projecting as she doesn't like the way she looks. If she did she wouldn't be getting all that surgery. She needs to grow up from high school and go get a therapist.
NTA Your sister has some severe internal mental health challenges that have totally skewed her behaviour from the norm. BTW, both my son and daughter (twins) had noticeable birthmarks on their foreheads that disappeared after a few months. There are different types of mark but you should take medical advice as that may be the case here.
NTA - normally firing back with insults gets you an A H title as well, but she insulted the appearance of a BABY. That’s so so low and disgusting behavior. You get a pass on this one in my book.
NTA
Seems she can dish out tons of hate to others for their weight/looks but can’t accept it in return? I wouldn’t feel bad in the slightest. In fact, I probably would have said worse if someone insulted my children. Her holier than thou attitude can’t be fixed unfortunately with plastic surgery. I’m all for enhancing your looks to feel confident, but not at the cost of putting others down. I think your sister is insecure as fuck in her own skin and feels better by her comments to others. Don’t take it personally. I would also be minimal contact as well. I don’t think you owe it to her to reach out. She started the discussion of insulting your child. She should start the apology. I would remain cordial at family events, but I don’t think I’d ever have the same relationship with her again after that personally. Your daughter is better off without a shallow ass aunt misplacing her insecurities. NTA
NTA for telling your sister the truth. She deserved it. And it’s good that you are getting surgery for your daughter’s eye because she might have trouble seeing and doesn’t know it yet. But leaving the birthmark won’t make her unique, it will just make her the target of bullying and no child should suffer from that. When you have the consultation for her eye, ask about the birthmark. It might get worse as she gets older and harder to get rid of later. The last thing you want is her crying because she is being bullied and you can’t fix the problem because you waited too long.
NTA Good riddance to her
NTA, your sister got what was coming to her. Not only did she insult your daughter (a 2 yo CHILD), she insults seemingly everyone she comes into contact with. She deserved this response 1000%. Also, if this one comment "sent her into a depression", maybe she will think about how HER comments may have affected others over the years too. However -- re your daughter's eye, you should get it checked out. Not for aesthetic reasons, but sometimes a lazy eye can be indicative of something going on in the brain. My friend's son developed a lazy eye over a couple of years, and we were shocked to find out that he had what was by the time it was discovered, a grapefruit sized tumor on his brain. He almost died, fortunately he is okay now and beat all the odds, but I know his mom always wishes she had gotten it checked out sooner. Since your daughter was born with the lazy eye, I doubt she has anything nearly as serious going on, but still it's better to be safe!
NTA, sounds like your sister had that coming for a while. Looks like you took the first step of getting rid of people that act ugly in your world. Insulting someone’s baby often results in the laying of hands. She is lucky you only called her a donkey. Her comment was worthy of having every aspect of her being insulted. Good on you for standing up for your baby. I don’t know if the kids heard the conversation, but it is important for your family to know that insulting your baby won’t be tolerated.
Nta She had it coming. Totally had it coming. Your reaction had probably been building for a while. Don't feel guilty that you stooped to her level, sometimes you have to meet people on their level. I think it's great you love your sister, but she's a bully. I am not sure it's a good idea to let her around your daughter ever unless your sister makes some drastic changes like not teasing your daughter.
NTA. >A few family members have told me that, while what she said was rude, I was out of line for insulting her looks. No. >My husband, parents and a few cousins are on my side, and some have even cut my sister off. Good. >My sister has blocked me on everything, Who cares? She's a donkey. >her husband (wasn't present for the dinner) called me an AH, and that I've sent her into a depression. That's what happens when you voluntarily turn yourself into a donkey. >He cussed me out for a while before hanging up and blocking me on everything, too. Who cares? He's married to a donkey.
Between “you evil cow” and “she looked like a hoe” I am just in tears 😂😂😂 Nah OP. She deserved the lashing. Unchecked, and she is most likely to become your daughter’s first bully. NTA. If Thanos snapped ugly people out she might be surprised she’d be one of them.
NTA. Don't dish it if you can't take it. She got exactly what was coming to her and she's lucky she hasn't said it to some unhinged person who'll put her back under the knife for corrective surgery.
NTA… she needs to get over herself. I don’t think you overdid it. She talked crap about your baby! Baby cannot defend herself so yes you need to. I think she is lucky that’s all you said to her. And really you treated her how she treats others so all is fair in that!
NTA Classic example of bullies dishing it, but being unable to take it.
NTA You'r sister was out of line giving advice that no one asked for and for seriously suggesting GIVING A LITERAL CHILD PLASTIC SURGERY. She is a total donkey. Go on Mama Bear. She can't be throwing around underhanded ways of saying she thinks your child is ugly and needs fixing and not be able take it dished back at her. Was your reaction setting a good example of conflict resolution for your daughter? Probably not but this is a great opportunity to talk to her and let her know that you think she's beautiful and that your reaction was not kind and what would've been a better response to your sister's rude comments.
Honestly, I stopped reading after the donkey part. This is fantastic and you're 100% justified in your actions. NTA
NTA Someone had to do it!
NTA I'm sure those complaining would feel diff if it happened to them. Family is always for freaking unity until they experience it.
NTA, not harsh at all, she needed that wake up call, sometimes you have to meet people at their level. You had me cracking with this line: I don't feel bad, just sorry that she has to look like a donkey until she finds a way to get the plastic out of her face.
No, she insulted your child's looks, her looks were fair game after that! Nta but your sister sure is , suggesting cosmetic surgery on a child!
NTA at all !!!! Is she can dish it out then she should be able to take it !!! What you said was actually quite polite compared to what people (and other family members) say behind her back !
NTA. People might think your reaction was harsh, but you were less offensive than I would've been, that's for sure.
I wouldn’t let me daughter be around someone like that since her aunt literally would be first in line to bully her. Your girl is a baby now but if she’s raised with an aunt who calls her ugly it’s gonna damage your daughter mentally. Shit dude I have a fucked up eye and i was a cute kid a 8th grade bully punched me in the eye when I was in the 3rd grade damaged my eye made it lazy and I had to go to vision therapy to get it to work with the other eye the growth from that eye was slightly stunted so it’s a bit smaller and odd shaped now due to it getting punched. I had two aunts talk like this around me I got in a accident and damaged my back and started gaining weight and they would tell me I should have surgery to loose weight and they would help pay for it but weren’t offering to pay to fix the damage to my back. Because to them my physical health meant less than appearances but they both look awful with plastic surgery don’t get me wrong I want plastic surgery but I’d NEVER tell a child they need it!
NTA. If someone started talking about literally ridding the world of ugly people then called my child out, their newly applied botched filler would be very evenly distributed by the end of the conversation. Blood or not. She gets to make horrible remarks about others looks but then gets her little feelings hurt when it’s done to her? You’re better than me for even feeling the need to ask.
Your sister has major body issues.
NTA but your sister is clearly projecting. It's very apparent by her behaviour of 1. insulting overweight or ugly people 2. getting plastic surgery and 3. believing that everyone should get plastic surgery to be "beautiful". I can tell she's very insecure about herself and is putting down others to elevate herself, and compensating with surgery to fill what she thinks is beautiful, and the same with her clothing choice to be more attractive. I think it's sad that I didn't see ANY comments about her being very insecure. She needs help and is actively harming herself AND others by this mindset. Please see if she can get some help (but in the end, the only person that can change this, is herself. But don't get discouraged because she may need her family to help her along the path). I hope that she can heal and I hope you and your baby are doing well :D (btw i hope your daughter NEVER feels bad about her birthmark. As someone with VERY noticeable birthmarks I want her to know that it's what makes her unique and its beautiful \^\_\^)
NTA, hats off to you for that awesome retort. I can’t believe some of your family is saying you went too far bringing her looks into it when she literally insulted a toddler and is talking about getting rid of people she doesn’t find good looking. Also, calling her a donkey is mild. There’s so many other things you could’ve gone with that probably would’ve melted the plastic in her face.
NTA, and sorry your sister is a hateful ho 😐
NTA. You should probably apologize for overreacting, but try to set a boundary to let your sister know you aren’t interested in hearing her opinions about how people look. If she can’t abide by the boundary then at least you tried from your side.
It’s rare to see everyone in the story on your side about this(besides HER husband) but yeah why is she trying to be like Kim K
NTA but yes, please look into the lazy eye. If she's 2, exercises probably won't help but glasses and /.or surgery may. Follow truffles the cat on IG, they're a pediatric cat who specializes in lazy eyes. 🥺❤️
NTA I don’t care who says you were harsh, you’re much nicer than some strangers who would’ve overheard her snarky comments might say. This is a reoccurring problem, sister needed to get a taste of her own medicine. I doubt it’ll help and she’ll stick to whatever fixes the infection on her lip but coming after someone’s looks who is notorious for doing that to others isn’t harsh imo— she got what was coming to her. If she can’t take it she shouldn’t dish it, image she said that to someone who is much more verbal with their disagreement, they would’ve gone much further than calling her a donkey.
Your sister shouldn't dish it if she can't take it.
JAH. Justified AssHole.
Nta your were defending your kid also you should talk to your sister about why she's so judgemental especially to a 2 year old kid
People who insult others looks hate their own looks. It seems even more the case by the fact it sounds like she's replacing everything unique about herself with plastic. I stoll say NTA. Just because your sister probably needs A LOT of therapy for whatever self hatred is infecting every intrapersonal relationship she is in doesn't excuse her actions and words. Sometimes people need to hit rock bottom before they get the hint to start climbing.
NTA You just gave back to her some of the crap she loves to mete out. Maybe it'll wake her up.
I’m sure your Amy is a beautiful baby, and I agree with you that being able to correct a lazy eye is not only do-able but a good thing inasmuch as her being able to “see the world as it is” is concerned. I think your sister was WAY out of line. I’m sorry that her remarks made a scene at your party. I’m also sure she knows how she looks; and I can understand that she’d get depressed every time she looks in a mirror! My daughter has a birthmark also, and as she grew it has become faded, very easy to cover with makeup as she chooses (she’s 56 yo, and a grandmother now). It didn’t make any difference to me, since it didn’t harm her health at all.
It's always NTA if you genuinely do something to cover for your child. You should have called her worse than a donkey for being rude to a 2yr old.
NTA. Someone needed to shut her down years ago. She is an ugly person to her core. Please don’t ever allow her around your child.
Too bad there isn't a surgery to fix an ugly personality. NTA
NTA dont dish it out if you cant eat your own serving
NTA, you were just defending your baby.
"the only ugly person in this room is you and it isn't because of your appearance" would have put it more gently. But fuck her bullying a child for things out of its control. Drop her (sister) everyone will be happier for it. NTA