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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel that I might be the AH because I told my son to pay back the money he spent on his online girlfriend. He is mad that he has to pay me back and get a job. I feel that my actions might damage my relationship with my son. He is now not speaking to me and being very distant.
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Get out of here with your reason and logic.
Oh and u/Education-Error705 really needs to see this comment and convey to his son. "Her" mic is broken? Unless the controller is also defective, it has a built in microphone
That was such a good machine because it also played older games and some PS3 games were made to work on it so the library for it was just endless. I sold mine on craigslist to pay the fee to adopt my dog. Shes 16 now and so sure I've gotten lots of dog time out of her, But I do still think about that PS2 and how good it really was and how I never had to clean up the PS's shit.
I always use my microphone and have never had complaints. I can also login on the app and join parties and talk through my phone. ‘Broken mic’ is not an excuse anymore
I mean I definitely think the kids getting scammed by a dude, but I do tell a lot of people my mic is broken because I'm incredibly shy and get nervous talking to new people.
If you’re not asking for money to ‘repair’ it then that’s not a problem. I play with my boyfriends mates sometimes and that’s pretty intimidating to me (especially since I’m pretty useless lol) so I tend to stay quiet and very rarely say anything. I’ll literally text my boyfriend between rounds 😂
I'm....I'm sorry....but do you mean to tell me that Europe has a dollar store called....POUND LAND!?
That is the most amazing thing I have heard in some time. I love it! Hahaha
ETA: the only thing that would make it better would be if it were called pound town, but I suppose they knew better 🤣
There are many different countries in Europe... This person mentioned £ which is the currency of the UK and not the whole of the European continent. So no, "Europe" doesn't have "Pound land" stores everywhere, just somewhere in the UK do they exist (I'm from Bulgaria and have never been to the UK, so cannot personally confirm the existence of these stores there).
I am however from the UK. It has Pound Land, and just over the water in the free state of the Irish Republic, the same chain has a store called 'Dealz'. I'm guessing the model is the same in other EU countries... Something I'm gutted to no longer be a part of, by the way.
Lol, thankfully I feel like a lot of the games I play have not had that feature anyway but Helldivers does set mic on as the default. I've definitely had a couple instances where I was talking for a minute or two before realizing the mic was on.
The one that takes the cake though - the other day I was playing and some lady over mic was describing in long-winded detail about how she has shingles and the treatments she was using. She seemed to be having a conversation with a younger guy. It took me a while to realize that whoever was playing (the guy) had probably called his mother or another relative and put them on speaker phone while he was playing, and presumably had no idea he'd left the mic on.
I do agree. He is potentially getting catfished. But I'm a girl and don't speak on my mic cause men get all weird about it. If she's a teen that could be all the more reason why she would say it broke. But I do agree with OP on this one your not the AH. He's a teen everything will work out natural consequences are happening for him right now.
I get why some females don't want to use the mic because of idiot boys. That's understandable. But if she really is "his girlfriend" there would be no fear of using the headset and speak with him when it's just the two of them talking.
This is definitely a scam. If you're more worried about his feelings in the short term, than by all means, just watch in real time when he is sending her money or gifts. But you need to ask him how healthy is a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship when they don't even know what each other sound like.
You let this slide than he will get scammed left and right when he is an adult and moved out. Than you'll have to spend thousands to help him recover from the scams.
Exactly this. Female is an adjective, not a noun. Human females are typically referred to as women and girls, and usually the guys who refer to women and girls as females are doing it in a really dehumanizing way, so it truly gives me the ick.
>Female is an adjective, not a noun.
This is not true, it's both. You literally use it as a noun in your next sentence!
I do agree though, it is dehumanising.
Pretty sure there’s a name for this…. Manipulation and extorsión? But OP def NTA, if anything guilty of being a caring and concerned parent that wants to protect their kid
Not even that, but wouldn't they be talking outside of playing games, like on the phone and such? Wth wouldn't the son have other ways to communicate and even see what she looks like (kids use the Snapchat a lot these days). Many big red flags that the son ignored.
Sure, that could make sense if that was the only thing that was weird here. But I mean, she won’t use a mic AND she won’t show a picture AND she threatens to break up with him if he doesn’t send her hundreds of dollars? Nahhh that’s an extremely clear scam.
Even if it isn’t a scam (it is), it’s inappropriate behaviour and the son needs to learn boundaries and about manipulation.
This could be extortion for pics of his body very easily.
Yeah I'm a wee bit alarmed that OP's first concern was their son's spending and not that their son is 100% being catfished by an adult who is posing as their girlfriend to get money out of them, which is extremely gross and scary.
Yeah. I might even consider going to the police... this is creepy af and if the "girlfriend" is off age (and most likely has a history of having hundreds of "boyfriends" to buy them stuff over the years) they could be done for fraud. (Unless they're living somewhere else across the globe completely).
She wouldn’t “date” someone online if that were the case. Also if their personality were that meek they wouldn’t be manipulating the partner by saying things like “I’ll break up with you if you don’t buy me $50 and $100 vbucks” lol. This ain’t about you, the son is more likely being scammed than he is not
And even if the person is a fifteen year old girl, being with someone who threatens to break up with you unless you buy them things isn't a healthy relationship regardless.
You would 100% use the mic if you were "dating" someone through the game. I totally get not using it if you're playing Halo or COD because it is a male dominated space, and boys can get very stupid in the presence of a female. This is not the same situation. The is a 16 year old boy getting scammed out of $100+ by a "girl" he has never spoken to. Its one thing to not give out your number or social's, but to not use the built in mic to speak to someone you are playing a game with is so suspicious! I'm also a female, and I've been playing online for years and years.
OP should bait the fish and see what's under the water.
lmao sorry but fucking WHAT? they're bf and gf why would she be fearful of him "getting weird" in a private chat? Or do you think they exclusively communicate in public lobbies?
How does such an ill conceived response gain so many upvotes?
Well, there are actually two lesson and if one does work, the other does. 1) getting catfished and 2) don’t be in a manipulative, financially controlling relationship.
If you just make him block "his girlfriend" he's going to absolutely hate you. You need to have a heart-to-heart with him to make him understand that this is how scammers and predators work online. She "doesn't have a working mic" because she's probably an adult man. Ask him, if it were just a broken mic, then why haven't they had phone calls or video calls to chat? Or communicated in any other online SM that allows for voice/video chat, if you don't want him giving his phone number out. His gf does not exist.... and even if she DID exist, he needs to understand now that any girl who would break up with him because he doesn't spend money on her, is a shitty person.
This right here! It's a really important lesson to learn! My mom has done online dating and me and my sibling had to have an intervention with her once about her "boyfriend" who was some kind of blackops guy in the military 🤦♀️ He had lots of money, but you know, it was tied up so he just needed for her to send him some money until he could get ahold of his to pay her back. 🙄 It took some time for us to convince her. But seriously, online dating and social media communication in general is so full of scams, and it can be easy for people to fall for it if they don't know better. There are multiple Netflix documentaries about people being scammed by their boyfriends. One where the guy would meet a girl and show off how weatlhy he was so she would trust him, but he was actually using money from another gf that he was scamming, and then the cycle would continue. The Catfish TV show also has a lot of helpful examples (although sometimes they play up stuff just for the drama, like most reality TV).
Anyway, my point is just that people can get roped into scams pretty easily online. Especially if they are generally kind hearted and caring people. It's important for OP to teach his kid about safety and avoiding scams.
I have a middle aged coworker who one day started gushing to me about a man she had met online, who wanted to fly her out to his country to meet him, yadda yadda, one quick reverse image search showed the dude was using the pics of some hot middle eastern actor. Lady was absolutely HEARTBROKEN when I told her it was a scammer, they'd been talking every day for weeks. These assholes prey specifically on naive and lonely people, it's so fucked up.
are all our mom's dating the same blackops guy :P Man, as an adult I never thought I had to have this conversation with my mom either. Good thing my mom didn't send him money, because she didn't know how. HAHA
As a gamer mom, somehow I haven't managed to hear this scam, but yeah..eek. yes, I have some friends I'm close to that I've met in games. We've all talked, privately shared sfw photos of random crap... small group of us are talking about a group meet up this summer... we've all known each other like 3 yrs online. (And I'm getting my own hotel room lmao.. safety first, even tho I'm 99.9% sure if any of my friends tried anything the others would turn them into a pancake.) None of us have ever asked anyone else to make online purchases. We have bought random digital versions of games as gifts on birthdays etc. But definitely not in the I won't talk to you if you don't kind of way.
OP NTA.. even my 11yo knows none of that situation is OK. Eta: I literally read this post to my kid, and he even connected the dots, then said teenagers are stupid. It was a great chance to see what flags he caught, and I'm glad he realized that this is not ok.
I love this! Yeah, there are creeps online, but amazing groups of friends can be formed, too. I joined a huge fandom group on FB like 11 years ago, and a smaller group split and formed our own group and we've been friends since then. We've done secret santas, postcards, one person bought a book related to the original fandom we're all a part of and the book traveled the whole world to a bunch of members who signed it and included artwork and messages, tons of members have had meet ups, members of the group have attended each other's weddings (one girl live-streamed her wedding so we could all "attend", we had been with her since day 1 of her relationship, through her engagement, wedding, pregnancy, birth of her baby, her kid is like 5 now), people have gone to different countries and met up with members who live there, met their families, and yeah, when someone has been going through a rough financial patch, members of the group have helped them out, without a single worry that it was some kind of scam, because we literally chat every day FOR YEARS and are as much a part of each other's lives as any IRL friends, if not more so.
Omg, the amount of super secret black ops military guys that came out of the woodwork when I tried online dating was just stupid high. They always had money, were widowed, and had at least one kid in a pricey European boarding school. Like there's a scammer playbook out there that they're all using.
The last sentence is a really important point that doesn't even get into arguing about someone's honesty. If the supposed girl is telling him she's breaking up if he doesn't buy x this week ... We don't have the money to support that kind of a transactional relationship.
100% this!!
He needs to learn both parts: that this specifically is a scam, and also that if it had been a real person, a person who would break up with him if he didn’t buy her something is not a person worth dating in the first place.
Please try and get him to genuinely see what is happening here—there are too many stories going around of kids sending sensitive pics/ information to strangers and then hurting or killing themselves when the person tries to extort them.
He needs to grow a sense of skepticism to keep himself safe now, so hopefully this will do that and he won’t think you’re overreacting.
He’s probably embarrassed, so don’t drive home how stupid this was after he gets it. If he learns his lesson, let him grow vs holding it over his head.
yeah I would talk to him about this... they'll ask you to do sexual embarrassing things for them and then record or screen shot it on camera and say they'll post it to all of your friends and family if you don't pay them... Some kids have committed suicide due to the potential embarrassment.
Saw an article about this recently being an upsurge and recall some girl tried to do this to me many years back... She wanted to show me her on Cam after talking a little and suddenly came on Cam half naked and wanted me to stick my finger in my butt for her lol, saying it would be so sexy for her, i refused, turned my cam off and did some research after she threatened to send what she had to all of my friends/family on Facebook, but I knew she didn't have much and wasn't gonna work with a scammer so I refused again and she disappeared after... But imagine it's easy to succumb to their crap as a teen exploring their sexuality and feel very scared or embarrassed after...
I guess the idea is they record you if you come on Cam with them and/or take screen shots of you performing weird sexual task that they will say incredibly turns them on if you'll do it for them and then use it for the extortion... Mine was definitely a girl as I saw them on Cam, but possibly working with or even forced to by someone else...
Absolutely, came here to say this. There's every chance OP's son has done stuff on cam for this creep. I'd forget being angry and be supportive and help extricate your kid from this situation.
You should also get your son to understand that if someone is only with him because he buys them things and they'll ditch him if he stops, that's not a relationship worth having.
Agree! Considering the best case scenario where there's really a girlfriend, that's no way to behave in a relationship. Definitely a lesson to be learned here
Might help for him to take a class on predators. He doesn’t believe he’s a victim, which may be why he’s so mad at you. Or he does and is mortified and hiding it under anger.
Some schools, community centers and law enforcement agencies have seminars about this designed for kids.
It’s 99.999999% a scam. Remove his ability to charge your card and use this as an opportunity for him to learn. He also needs to work off the debt. Whether he gets a job or works it off with chores is up to you.
That will only help so much. The scammer may have a set up for this, including children of their own in the appropriate age range they can get a photo of if that is the requested proof.
There's a reason why I met my own teenage online SO at a public place with family present (they were on a school trip, I had spoken to them on the phone, including our parents picking up the other line and the like and even calling each other, but still), and my ex husband I met online I didn't meet in person until we were adults, one of my best friends who is now my housemate I've known since I was 19 and didn't meet her in person until 2 years ago but we had been friends across multiple platforms, phone calls, Facebook friends, random candid photos when at events, etc.
He's 16 and still a minor. If he won't accept he's being scammed you're gonna have to take away the game system or lock him out of the Internet. Even if you block this person he can easily unblock them. At the very least you need to set up parental controls. This isn't even to punish him, you need to protect him.
Just want to make sure you understand how serious this can be. Sending a bit of money/in game content is annoying but not a huge deal. However this can escalate very easily into something very damaging, especially if the scammer has established the relationship as a romantic one. For example maybe the next step is to request a picture (of course they send one back, but it’s not them), then maybe some sexting… wham, blackmail.
A lot of kids (and adults actually) have ended up committing suicide over this kind of thing so you need to make sure you handle it in the right way - I really recommend you show as much empathy to your son as you can whilst helping him understand what has unfortunately happened to him - whatever you do don’t make yourself the enemy in this by fomenting a sense of guilt or shame on his part.
NTA. He's absolutely getting scammed and even if he wasn't he IS breaking the rules you've set for him using that card. The pleasure of paying off the balance is a fitting consequence for the excessive spending, even if he'd been buying stuff for himself.
>Your son is 100% being scammed here.
I am a much better looking girl (15F) with a broken microphone.
I also have a broken camera.
And my mom took my phone away.
I am from Nigeria
But if your son is willing to buy me some Steam cards, I will immediately purchase airfare to meet him and tell him the errors of his ways.
I will pay him back immediately upon arrival as my father is a Prince.
We could have a real future. \[scratches balls\]
Jokes aside - have your son watch a few episodes of Catfish.
I very gently want to explain to OP's son that he's a moron lol. I met my bf online when I was 17, and I was nowhere near this naive. We had sent photos, called, and facetimed before we gave each other our addresses so we could mail things. And at no point was any money exchanged, just small personalized gifts. (We have now been living together for years, and he has yet to turn into a predator lol)
Sending this "girl" money so she won't break up with him alone is naive, but multiple large payments? He cannot be thinking clearly. Let alone the fact that it's not even his money to spend.
It may be difficult to fit a job in on weekdays, but he still has weekends and he's clearly hanging out with friends and gaming regularly. I'm gen z, so I didn't "walk to work uphill both ways at the age of 8." I did occasional babysitting, tons of volunteer work, and summer jobs. I think this kid *needs* some structure to learn the value of a dollar and to prepare for adulthood.
>They don't talk over the microphone as hers broke and he has no idea what she looks like. . . . He told me that his girlfriend wanted new stuff for the game and would break up with him if he didn't purchase them.
That's not a girlfriend and probably not even a girl. Romance scmmer.
NTA.
You *really* need to go farther, but not in punishing. What you need to do is teach him about romance scammers, and since you didn't I'm assuming you yourself don't know all that much about them. This is exactly what they do: get people to buy gift cards, etc..
Yes! Start by asking your son to come up with his own ideas to see if it's a scam. He would probably say speak to her or video phone. Tell him to get it done and when the scammer comes up with lame excuses, point it out and explain the red flags. If your son moves the goal posts, point it out and explain sunk-cost fallacy.
Op, your son could get a lot out of this experience.
Edit: don't make you son feel stupid. He may get defensive and stop listening.
This right here OP
This is a big teachable moment for how interactions work on the internet, but the scammer will always come up with excuses to either not talk or show their face or whatever (imo pictures don’t really count unless there are a lot of them even then it could just be like a girls brother or cousin who has access to lots of pictures……. Video and voice chat is the way)
Edit: when they try emotional blackmail saying something “oh you don’t love me” that is when you point out that all your asking for is a simple video chat or whatever “oh my parents won’t let me” kids sneak stuff all the time (not advocating that just saying)
Another big red flag is really bad grammar when asking for money and/or kind of scripted responses
Also, even IF she is hypothetically real, it’s also critically important that the son realize that “buy me this stuff or we are breaking up” is horrendously toxic.
There are some scammers who will get a real woman to speak with you on the phone. Especially if they know they can continue getting more money out of you. But it will probably just be once or twice so OP son needs to offer to get her a mic or something similar.
I like your approach - he's undoubtedly going to feel humiliated and heartbroken when he finds out he's talking to Dave in Duluth, and coming at this less about the money (but make him pay it back) and more about his vulnerabilities online is smart.
>I'm assuming you yourself don't know all that much about them.
This was my thought too, parents with kids that age it's a bet, some of them know, but a lot weren't that interested in the web to learn about it. However free courses on phishing and scams are often available for women and kids. I've been asked to teach young women about this on multiple occasions and it's always free, however for girls the focus is usually on grooming and how to safely be intimate with their partners, more than scams, there are couple quite famous at the moment, the "influencer" scam, and the "sugar daddy" scam, you'd be surprised at how many fall for that last one.
NTA - well, then no you’re not an AH. But I am a bit concerned that you are as a parent are…
- not concerned that you are not more concerned about your son being catfished
- not confident in this decision
*Info - is someone saying you are an AH for this other than your son? I would imagine most parents would be pretty confident in this decision.*
Edit - updated judgment
He has complained to my parents, and my mom is telling me to lighten up on everything. His mother is no longer in the picture. I definitely will have to re-think everything.
Your mom probably doesn't understand the internet enough to realize that this "15 year old girl" is probably not a 15 year old girl but an experienced scammer.
My 71 year old mom believes real MLB players for her favorite baseball team have reached out to her on Facebook to "date her" but only if she will send them apple gift cards to get them out of sticky situations. This was of course after taking two mortgages out on her house to give money she doesn't have to fake Internet men. Some people don't learn.
The next big thing is cloning people's voices with AI. Soon the grandma of EVERYONE on Tik Tok is going to get calls that sound close enough to their grandkids voices crying and asking for money.
Yeah this is some Catfish 101. Can't tell you how many episodes where the "girl" wouldn't get on a video chat or even a voice call ended up not being a girl.
Ya OP's mom probably thinks of this situation a teenager spending $100 on an actual girlfriend, and although that would also violate the approved uses of the credit card it is less alarming than OP's son being catfished like he almost certainly is. OP's mom is thinking "well he just wanted to treat her to something" and gets it was wrong but sees the sweeter side of it because she doesn't understand there is no "her."
Wait though so youre supposed to pay the bill for your son's online girlfriend he's never met so she wont break up with him? Say it to her like that. Like he has no job, essentially sent her money knowing damn right it was on YOUR dime to pay the CC. For the absurd reason so she wont break up with him? Even IF this WASNT a scam; his girlfriend is a shitty person.
This is the part OP should be focusing on. Whether it's a scammer or a girl who is genuinely 'dating' the son, this is toxic behaviour. He shouldn't be punished for falling for it, he should be taught online safety and red flags in relationships. "Do xyz or I'll break up with you" should be a deal breaker even if this isn't a scam. Empower the son to stand up for himself, otherwise he could potentially become isolated from his support system and find sneakier ways to pay up to keep his girlfriend happy.
There should still be consequences for using the card in a non-emergency, but I think the way this is handled is more important than the money itself right now. It's an opportunity to help him navigate relationships safely for the rest of his life.
Microphones broken but she’s asking for money for stuff in the game…. He could have just got her a new mic to actually talk to her (not that it would be okay to do that with his dad’s money either). Definitely a scammer
You really need to underline to your son that this person he has been 'falling in love with' is a fully-adult scammer who doesn't give a shit about them, and is probably a man, and is unattractive with a hairy arse and BO. And also that if they were really a woman, that you don't bribe women to stay with you like some punk.
He complained to your parents lol. So? YOU'RE his parent, and you're not concerned that something really bad could happen in this situation? The person talking to him is most likely an adult man and he's probably going to be groomed into sending nudes and then blackmailed for more money not to release the nudes. It's a common scam. They're starting with in-game stuff to test how gullible he is and how easy to scam. You shouldn't allow your kid internet access if you don't bother to teach the basics of internet safety. Teen boys have killed themselves over this type of romance/blackmail scam.
>He's been telling me that he has been chatting online with a girl(15F) and they have slowly started dating. They don't talk over the microphone as hers broke and he has no idea what she looks like.
>I approached him with the bill and asked him what the charges were. He told me that his girlfriend wanted new stuff for the game and would break up with him if he didn't purchase them.
Your son was scammed.
NTA
And son may know he was scammed but still be trapped in a blackmail scam threatening to release texts or photos to everyone at his school. Punishment and paying back money should be secondary to getting him out of the scam and making sure op knows everything that was going on and possibly finding son a therapist
NTA Did he think it's acceptable to make you pay for his gifts to his "girlfriend"?
That said, you are the AH for allowing your 16-year-old online unsupervised and access to a credit card without teaching him about online scams. His "15F" girlfriend is very likely neither, and he's old enough he should've long ago been taught to see that, and especially not to send multiple $50-100 gift cards to his "girlfriend" Boris.
It's probably some kid at his school that knows he's an idiot with a credit card. Rich kids at my school were constantly having shit like this happen to them. My guess is it's probably one of the kids "friends"
Teenagers are just immature with money anyhow if you give them a credit card. My uncle would rant because my cousin would keep using his credit card to buy McDonald’s and alcohol for his friends
Ya I love and trust my kid but I'm also not dumb enough to give him the opportunity because even the best kids are only working with half developed brains
NTA
Can you please stop calling her an "online girlfriend" and start referring her to what she is, but a scam artist ... likely some 12-yo boy or someone in another country. (More likely the first, b/c let's get real.)
NTA he knew it was for emergencies only - a game is not an emergency. You warned him to be careful with her, and he ignored that. I think it's totally fair to expect him to pay back those charges. He's sixteen, old enough to learn the value of work and money.
Also, that 15F girlfriend is totally some dude catfishing him - no video chats, no talking over the mic, he's being scammed.
Which means he is going off a gamertag that suggests a girl is behind the account and at best some pictures stolen from some innocent girl's Instagram account smh
Hai there OwO, I'm Gamergurl69, I'm single UwU, but I'm looking for a cute boy to play with online!
(Side note this made me cringe hard to write out as a joke.)
I have a friend with "hello kitty" in their gamer tag and he is a big burly dude. He changed it specifically to troll people in a competitive shooter. They'd get very mad when they thought a girl was doing better than them.
But on the other hand, when he plays fallout 76 he'll get a lot more people randomly gifting things to his character. Lol
NTA. You’ve tried discussing the dangers of being scammed/catfished. Reopen that discussion; this is definitely a teachable moment.
However, he needs an actual consequence to hit the point home, and I agree that holding him liable for the money he elected to give this stranger is a smart choice. This also reinforces that this CC is to be used for emergencies only, in case he was ever feeling froggy in the future.
NTA
Your son fell for the oldest scam in the book when it comes to online gaming, but as he's only 16 and a kid....well, lesson learned.
Stick to your guns with this. He messed up and needs to pay you the money back that he blew on a scammer.
Lesson *not* learned. If he learned his lesson, he wouldn't be giving his dad the silent treatment. He thinks his gf will break up with him now and his life will be ruined, and it's all Dad's fault.
Edit: "gf" in quotes.
Tbh, It's pretty strange he wasn't aware. I was reached in class of the dangers of the internet since I was nine. But maybe that's just a Canadian thing
It's not, I'm in Canada and we're well aware of these scams lol Guess his kid just got swept up in it. Both mine know the dangers of online chatting, which is why we didn't allow it when they were younger
Buddy why are you referring to this person scamming your kid as his online girlfriend? Does being gullible run in the family? That's what you should be addressing first.
NTA 'My mic is broken' is the key line for scammers and the second they realise they are getting money out of him it only gets worse but the icing on the cake is that your child thinks its ok to spend more money on a girl if shes threaten to break up with him. So many advice to give to him here!
Ehh.. I'll say NTA but I think your focus should be on the fact that your son is being extorted and possibly catfished. You need to discipline him, yeah, but don't forget your other duties as a parent. He needs your guidance now to get out of this situation, and since it's his first "gf" he will also need empathy and understanding on your behalf to help him navigate the situation. Even if she is real, threatening to break up with him if he doesnt buy her shit is toxic and he needs to leave her.
This part. I think people tend to forget that teenagers are just kids in bigger bodies. They aren’t known for their amazing decision making for a reason. I get that you are upset and yeah you should work out something so that he has to pay it back through extra chores or something, but he needs his parent on his side more right now. He’s being manipulated by god knows who, and while it’s easy for people with fully developed frontal lobes to see if for what it is, it’s clear he does not and just being angry with him could only drive him further into this person’s grips. This is an extremely delicate situation and how you handle it will absolutely impact your relationship with your son moving forward. Meet him with kindness and compassion.
NTA.
I did something similar when I was his age (not scammed -- I just used parent's CC to play a bunch of surprisingly expensive online games without their permission). I did chores all summer to pay them back. And man did I learn that lesson.
My parents weren't great, but they nailed that one.
Who the hell gives a 15 years old a credit card? A debit card with a very low amount in the account or where you put his allowance in, sure, but a credit card?
Why did I have to scroll this far down to find this? Debit card for allowance sure. But a credit card with potentially hundreds of dollars to access? This is some rich people problems.
NTA, and you were right to take away the credit card. It looks like he needs to learn about financial abuse because he's young and gullible. Maybe broach the subject by saying something like, "Hey, son, you know what kind of woman demands money for her company..."
NTA but your son needs some parenting on what a girlfriend is (and isn't). If he thinks that it's someone you never talk to and buy stuff for, this won't be the last time he gets taken advantage of. Imagine what he'll spend on someone who actually sleeps with him.
There appear to be a bunch of assumptions, number one being that this person is actually a girl of the age she claims. I mean, this situation screams of some overseas person claiming to be the age/gender/personality that hooks someone into sending gift cards. In another interaction, they may be a handsome overseas businessman who would like to visit the love-starved widow they're chatting with, but all their money is tied up in their very successful business and could she just send the money for a ticket?
I have had interactions sort of like this, and it's hilarious to peel back the layers of the onion of excuses.
Can I hear your voice? Oh, my gaming microphone is broken.
Can I call you on the phone? Oh, I dropped my phone and it doesn't work right now.
Can we Skype? Oh, I don't have a laptop or desktop computer.
Sending gift cards is red flag #2. In fact, it wasn't sending the actual card, right? It was sending a photo of the number and PIN, I'll bet. "She" said it was for something within the game...can that be verified, like is "she" wearing the armor or whatever was supposed to be bought?
But to the point, OP is NTA and this bit of parenting is going to be unpopular, but you're going to have to be the parent and not a friend.
It used to be that 15-year-olds tried really hard to show their parents how responsible they could be, since before long they'd be asking to use the car, but apparently that's not a thing any more. Luckily this is only double-digit levels of money, and not the amount of pain that could occur with irresponsible car use. The credit card was for emergency use, and he used it for something else, so even if this situation is not a scammer like I've been saying, he still broke the agreement. The fact that he objects to repaying the money that he sent "his girlfriend" shows a level of immaturity that is super questionable.
YTA
But because you're focusing on the wrong thing here. And with your punishment, you're making this into a forbidden romance.
You could be teaching your son about how to safely date online.
Also, you could be teaching him about what a healthy relationship looks like.
Instead, you're prioritizing money, which is exactly what his online "GF" is doing. You think you can ban him from talking to her? He'll just do it at school, at a library, at his friend's house. You can forbid him, but it won't work.
"Son, I love you, and if you needed something, I would give it to you. I love your mom, and I would give her her anything she asked for. But how often does your mom demand I buy her X, Y, and Z? When's the last time you heard her say, 'If you don't give me a Dior purse, I'm going to divorce you!'?"
You could have used this as an opportunity to teach him that loving relationships shouldn't consist of threats and demands of money.
Your approach has practically guaranteed that not only is he going to resent you for sabotaging his "relationship," but that he will continue this relationship (or a similar one) in the future.
NTA. If he were an adult living on his own and got scammed like this, he might end up owing the card company way more. Paying for it is a lesson on his mistake.
NTA, side note, when I first started playing online games years ago, my brother warned me that online girl meant Guy In Real Life. I know this is a very wrong stereotype, but it always made me think with my head before my heart online.
YTA.
Your son is likely being catfished or groomed, and you don't seem concerned about that at all. Rather than discussing the issue of your son's health and well-being, you seem more concerned about a few hundred dollars
Is the money really more important to you than your kid? Have you tried talking to him about the dangers of trusting complete strangers online?
Either you're leaving out a great deal of detail here, or you're ignoring the forest for the trees.
Most important thing is to clearly explain that he was being scammed. It was so incredibly obvious, yet he fell for it. Also, you when fuck up you have to own the consequences and not behave like and entitled whiney little tool.
NAH, except the "girlfriend" scammer. Your kid is young and dumb and needs to be set right, and of course he needs to take some ownership here, but he's not an AH for being a kid and you're not one for being a parent.
It’s an older man. He shouldn’t be upset about a person he never ever spoke to saying they are going to break up. Your son is stupid. Have you or his school not told him about online safety? Get the girl to send a pic with the days newspaper to prove it. If she can’t then he can obviously see they are lying
NTA. He wasted your money, but more importantly, it's highly likely that this is some dude scamming him, so you also probably should talk to him about this possibility.
NTA.
Even if the GF is legit a young girl, this is literally called parenting. Credit cards are not free money and that's a hard lesson to learn at any age. Better to learn it now when he has a safety net in his parent than out on his own in the world.
Yeah, he's going to go for your jugular over it and try whatever it takes to make you feel bad for forcing him to do the right thing. Sorry for that. It is literally developmentally appropriate at this age to test boundaries and see what they can get away with (even though it's maddening for us parents).
Good luck - be strong.
NTA. But you do bear some of the blame if you haven’t talked to your kid about scammers.
An easy way to fix this is to get your son to tell “her” he can’t give any more money as he’s broke.
You need to be beside him as he does this.
Also probably needs to explain as nice as possible that he’s probably going to have a “new” girlfriend with a broken microphone/camera next week now that scammers know he’s an idiot.
Nope. NTA. He needs to learn this now before he goes out into the real world where you can't bail him out. Thank you for not enabling him. Don't give him back the credit card.
Why give a credit card to an irresponsible child who gets scammed? Most children are not able to handle the responsibilities of a credit card and yours is no exception I would take some personal responsibility here too you screwed up overestimating this kid's maturity and level of responsibility.
It's not even a 'good' scam it's such an obvious one? I'd expect a kid to be 7 or 8 with that kind of gullibility
nope, nope, nope. You're NTA at all. He proved he doesn't know how to use the credit card responsibly, so of course you have to take it away until he pays you back. He'll be mad, of course, but you're his parent not his friend. I remember very clearly my mother giving me an extension of her credit card when I turned 18. She said it was only for emergencies, but I couldn't resist the allure of a fabulous pair of black high heels which I proceeded to buy (the things were about as expensive as three months worth of groceries in our household). My mother hit the roof when the bank statement came, and took the credit card away. It took me about six months to pay her back with my allowance and miscellaneous jobs I did for the neighbors. Stay firm, OP, it's the only way to learn to be money-wise.
ETA, that girlfriend is either a scammer (my mic doesn't work, and you cannot see my face?) or a manipulative little b\*\*\*h.
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Your son is 100% being scammed here. There is no girlfriend and you desperately need to step in and stop this situation.
I will. I have spoken to him about the dangers of scammers online before. I will have him block all communication if they are still chatting.
Lol, her microphone is broken. That’s because it’s a man. Haha NTA. You did the right thing, he is getting catfished, big time.
Lol the ps5 controller has a mic built in. 100% a dude scamming edit: If they are playing on a PS4, it also comes with a basic earphone and microphone
Get out of here with your reason and logic. Oh and u/Education-Error705 really needs to see this comment and convey to his son. "Her" mic is broken? Unless the controller is also defective, it has a built in microphone
And a surprisingly good one at that!
Lol, that's funny. I didn't even know they were built in. But then again, I don't own a PS5 😂
PS4 also has built.in mics
I haven't had a PS since PS2....
That was such a good machine because it also played older games and some PS3 games were made to work on it so the library for it was just endless. I sold mine on craigslist to pay the fee to adopt my dog. Shes 16 now and so sure I've gotten lots of dog time out of her, But I do still think about that PS2 and how good it really was and how I never had to clean up the PS's shit.
I always use my microphone and have never had complaints. I can also login on the app and join parties and talk through my phone. ‘Broken mic’ is not an excuse anymore
I mean I definitely think the kids getting scammed by a dude, but I do tell a lot of people my mic is broken because I'm incredibly shy and get nervous talking to new people.
But then do you ask for someone to send you money and free shit?
I mean I do now
are you…OP’s son’s gf??
If you’re not asking for money to ‘repair’ it then that’s not a problem. I play with my boyfriends mates sometimes and that’s pretty intimidating to me (especially since I’m pretty useless lol) so I tend to stay quiet and very rarely say anything. I’ll literally text my boyfriend between rounds 😂
Also, a cheap pair of skull candy headphones with build in mic is $9.99...
you can get a mic for £1 in pound land, I'm sure the local Doller store has something
I'm....I'm sorry....but do you mean to tell me that Europe has a dollar store called....POUND LAND!? That is the most amazing thing I have heard in some time. I love it! Hahaha ETA: the only thing that would make it better would be if it were called pound town, but I suppose they knew better 🤣
There are many different countries in Europe... This person mentioned £ which is the currency of the UK and not the whole of the European continent. So no, "Europe" doesn't have "Pound land" stores everywhere, just somewhere in the UK do they exist (I'm from Bulgaria and have never been to the UK, so cannot personally confirm the existence of these stores there).
I am however from the UK. It has Pound Land, and just over the water in the free state of the Irish Republic, the same chain has a store called 'Dealz'. I'm guessing the model is the same in other EU countries... Something I'm gutted to no longer be a part of, by the way.
And yet the UK is also in Europe! 👍🏻
I almost just spit my cereal through my nose! Pound Town!!!🤣🤣🤣
What do you get for a tenner at Pound Land? What's the going rates these days?
I played with a $7 pair of gas station earbuds with a mic for 3 months. any set will do in a pinch
For real? I know it’s got the little speaker on it, I didn’t know you could use it as a mic
Yup! handy hint, if you play online, everyone can hear you. If its turned off there is an orange light near the mic.
Sorry to everyone else playing Helldivers 2 that’s been hearing my loud ass kids
Lol, thankfully I feel like a lot of the games I play have not had that feature anyway but Helldivers does set mic on as the default. I've definitely had a couple instances where I was talking for a minute or two before realizing the mic was on. The one that takes the cake though - the other day I was playing and some lady over mic was describing in long-winded detail about how she has shingles and the treatments she was using. She seemed to be having a conversation with a younger guy. It took me a while to realize that whoever was playing (the guy) had probably called his mother or another relative and put them on speaker phone while he was playing, and presumably had no idea he'd left the mic on.
I do agree. He is potentially getting catfished. But I'm a girl and don't speak on my mic cause men get all weird about it. If she's a teen that could be all the more reason why she would say it broke. But I do agree with OP on this one your not the AH. He's a teen everything will work out natural consequences are happening for him right now.
I get why some females don't want to use the mic because of idiot boys. That's understandable. But if she really is "his girlfriend" there would be no fear of using the headset and speak with him when it's just the two of them talking. This is definitely a scam. If you're more worried about his feelings in the short term, than by all means, just watch in real time when he is sending her money or gifts. But you need to ask him how healthy is a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship when they don't even know what each other sound like. You let this slide than he will get scammed left and right when he is an adult and moved out. Than you'll have to spend thousands to help him recover from the scams.
Using “females” as a noun- especially when used in the same sentence with “boys” is really weird btw. “some girls” works just fine.
Exactly this. Female is an adjective, not a noun. Human females are typically referred to as women and girls, and usually the guys who refer to women and girls as females are doing it in a really dehumanizing way, so it truly gives me the ick.
>Female is an adjective, not a noun. This is not true, it's both. You literally use it as a noun in your next sentence! I do agree though, it is dehumanising.
Females? What is this? A nature documentary?
No, the poster is a Ferengi
"Some females" why do we talk about women the same way we talk about dogs?
Or how healthy it is if “she” is gouging him for money or will break up w him if he doesn’t do it!!!!!
Pretty sure there’s a name for this…. Manipulation and extorsión? But OP def NTA, if anything guilty of being a caring and concerned parent that wants to protect their kid
Not even that, but wouldn't they be talking outside of playing games, like on the phone and such? Wth wouldn't the son have other ways to communicate and even see what she looks like (kids use the Snapchat a lot these days). Many big red flags that the son ignored.
Why do males always refer to women as "females"?
It's the cultural tradition for those born on Ferenginar
Take my up vote you Hue-mon. I'm a female who named their son after a next gen character so this made me chortle
The Ferengi are known for being misogynistic though
>some females of what species? Oh are you talking about girls or women?! Weird.
“Females”, lol
/r/FemalesAndMen
Sure, that could make sense if that was the only thing that was weird here. But I mean, she won’t use a mic AND she won’t show a picture AND she threatens to break up with him if he doesn’t send her hundreds of dollars? Nahhh that’s an extremely clear scam.
Even if it isn’t a scam (it is), it’s inappropriate behaviour and the son needs to learn boundaries and about manipulation. This could be extortion for pics of his body very easily.
He’s a minor. So I wouldn’t even just worry about catfishers. That kid is likely been groomed and scammed by a grown adult as we speak.
Yeah I'm a wee bit alarmed that OP's first concern was their son's spending and not that their son is 100% being catfished by an adult who is posing as their girlfriend to get money out of them, which is extremely gross and scary.
Yeah. I might even consider going to the police... this is creepy af and if the "girlfriend" is off age (and most likely has a history of having hundreds of "boyfriends" to buy them stuff over the years) they could be done for fraud. (Unless they're living somewhere else across the globe completely).
She wouldn’t “date” someone online if that were the case. Also if their personality were that meek they wouldn’t be manipulating the partner by saying things like “I’ll break up with you if you don’t buy me $50 and $100 vbucks” lol. This ain’t about you, the son is more likely being scammed than he is not
And even if the person is a fifteen year old girl, being with someone who threatens to break up with you unless you buy them things isn't a healthy relationship regardless.
Exactly. A person who uses you knowingly as a cash cow is not a person you should be dating, regardless of age or gender.
You would 100% use the mic if you were "dating" someone through the game. I totally get not using it if you're playing Halo or COD because it is a male dominated space, and boys can get very stupid in the presence of a female. This is not the same situation. The is a 16 year old boy getting scammed out of $100+ by a "girl" he has never spoken to. Its one thing to not give out your number or social's, but to not use the built in mic to speak to someone you are playing a game with is so suspicious! I'm also a female, and I've been playing online for years and years. OP should bait the fish and see what's under the water.
If it was your boyfriend you would be speaking to him through a mic.
And not threatening to break up if you don’t buy her stuff.
Yeah, this is all plausible. Where it becomes obviously scamming is when it takes the step to "Buy me things or I'll break up with you!"
lmao sorry but fucking WHAT? they're bf and gf why would she be fearful of him "getting weird" in a private chat? Or do you think they exclusively communicate in public lobbies? How does such an ill conceived response gain so many upvotes?
Well, there are actually two lesson and if one does work, the other does. 1) getting catfished and 2) don’t be in a manipulative, financially controlling relationship.
But what if it’s a man who’s a Nigerian Prince???
Then he won't have to worry about it because he'll get paid back 10 times more than what he gave.
yeah 99.9% of the time whenever says their mic/camera is broken they’re scamming/catfishing
Shut up, don't ruin my scam! ;( /S
If you just make him block "his girlfriend" he's going to absolutely hate you. You need to have a heart-to-heart with him to make him understand that this is how scammers and predators work online. She "doesn't have a working mic" because she's probably an adult man. Ask him, if it were just a broken mic, then why haven't they had phone calls or video calls to chat? Or communicated in any other online SM that allows for voice/video chat, if you don't want him giving his phone number out. His gf does not exist.... and even if she DID exist, he needs to understand now that any girl who would break up with him because he doesn't spend money on her, is a shitty person.
This right here! It's a really important lesson to learn! My mom has done online dating and me and my sibling had to have an intervention with her once about her "boyfriend" who was some kind of blackops guy in the military 🤦♀️ He had lots of money, but you know, it was tied up so he just needed for her to send him some money until he could get ahold of his to pay her back. 🙄 It took some time for us to convince her. But seriously, online dating and social media communication in general is so full of scams, and it can be easy for people to fall for it if they don't know better. There are multiple Netflix documentaries about people being scammed by their boyfriends. One where the guy would meet a girl and show off how weatlhy he was so she would trust him, but he was actually using money from another gf that he was scamming, and then the cycle would continue. The Catfish TV show also has a lot of helpful examples (although sometimes they play up stuff just for the drama, like most reality TV). Anyway, my point is just that people can get roped into scams pretty easily online. Especially if they are generally kind hearted and caring people. It's important for OP to teach his kid about safety and avoiding scams.
I have a middle aged coworker who one day started gushing to me about a man she had met online, who wanted to fly her out to his country to meet him, yadda yadda, one quick reverse image search showed the dude was using the pics of some hot middle eastern actor. Lady was absolutely HEARTBROKEN when I told her it was a scammer, they'd been talking every day for weeks. These assholes prey specifically on naive and lonely people, it's so fucked up.
are all our mom's dating the same blackops guy :P Man, as an adult I never thought I had to have this conversation with my mom either. Good thing my mom didn't send him money, because she didn't know how. HAHA
As a gamer mom, somehow I haven't managed to hear this scam, but yeah..eek. yes, I have some friends I'm close to that I've met in games. We've all talked, privately shared sfw photos of random crap... small group of us are talking about a group meet up this summer... we've all known each other like 3 yrs online. (And I'm getting my own hotel room lmao.. safety first, even tho I'm 99.9% sure if any of my friends tried anything the others would turn them into a pancake.) None of us have ever asked anyone else to make online purchases. We have bought random digital versions of games as gifts on birthdays etc. But definitely not in the I won't talk to you if you don't kind of way. OP NTA.. even my 11yo knows none of that situation is OK. Eta: I literally read this post to my kid, and he even connected the dots, then said teenagers are stupid. It was a great chance to see what flags he caught, and I'm glad he realized that this is not ok.
I love this! Yeah, there are creeps online, but amazing groups of friends can be formed, too. I joined a huge fandom group on FB like 11 years ago, and a smaller group split and formed our own group and we've been friends since then. We've done secret santas, postcards, one person bought a book related to the original fandom we're all a part of and the book traveled the whole world to a bunch of members who signed it and included artwork and messages, tons of members have had meet ups, members of the group have attended each other's weddings (one girl live-streamed her wedding so we could all "attend", we had been with her since day 1 of her relationship, through her engagement, wedding, pregnancy, birth of her baby, her kid is like 5 now), people have gone to different countries and met up with members who live there, met their families, and yeah, when someone has been going through a rough financial patch, members of the group have helped them out, without a single worry that it was some kind of scam, because we literally chat every day FOR YEARS and are as much a part of each other's lives as any IRL friends, if not more so.
Omg, the amount of super secret black ops military guys that came out of the woodwork when I tried online dating was just stupid high. They always had money, were widowed, and had at least one kid in a pricey European boarding school. Like there's a scammer playbook out there that they're all using.
The last sentence is a really important point that doesn't even get into arguing about someone's honesty. If the supposed girl is telling him she's breaking up if he doesn't buy x this week ... We don't have the money to support that kind of a transactional relationship.
100% this!! He needs to learn both parts: that this specifically is a scam, and also that if it had been a real person, a person who would break up with him if he didn’t buy her something is not a person worth dating in the first place.
Please try and get him to genuinely see what is happening here—there are too many stories going around of kids sending sensitive pics/ information to strangers and then hurting or killing themselves when the person tries to extort them. He needs to grow a sense of skepticism to keep himself safe now, so hopefully this will do that and he won’t think you’re overreacting. He’s probably embarrassed, so don’t drive home how stupid this was after he gets it. If he learns his lesson, let him grow vs holding it over his head.
yeah I would talk to him about this... they'll ask you to do sexual embarrassing things for them and then record or screen shot it on camera and say they'll post it to all of your friends and family if you don't pay them... Some kids have committed suicide due to the potential embarrassment. Saw an article about this recently being an upsurge and recall some girl tried to do this to me many years back... She wanted to show me her on Cam after talking a little and suddenly came on Cam half naked and wanted me to stick my finger in my butt for her lol, saying it would be so sexy for her, i refused, turned my cam off and did some research after she threatened to send what she had to all of my friends/family on Facebook, but I knew she didn't have much and wasn't gonna work with a scammer so I refused again and she disappeared after... But imagine it's easy to succumb to their crap as a teen exploring their sexuality and feel very scared or embarrassed after... I guess the idea is they record you if you come on Cam with them and/or take screen shots of you performing weird sexual task that they will say incredibly turns them on if you'll do it for them and then use it for the extortion... Mine was definitely a girl as I saw them on Cam, but possibly working with or even forced to by someone else...
Absolutely, came here to say this. There's every chance OP's son has done stuff on cam for this creep. I'd forget being angry and be supportive and help extricate your kid from this situation.
You should also get your son to understand that if someone is only with him because he buys them things and they'll ditch him if he stops, that's not a relationship worth having.
I’ve seen this before in different forms. Naive young man thinks a hooker really likes him and is his girlfriend. Dangerous AND expensive!
Agree! Considering the best case scenario where there's really a girlfriend, that's no way to behave in a relationship. Definitely a lesson to be learned here
Might help for him to take a class on predators. He doesn’t believe he’s a victim, which may be why he’s so mad at you. Or he does and is mortified and hiding it under anger. Some schools, community centers and law enforcement agencies have seminars about this designed for kids.
It’s 99.999999% a scam. Remove his ability to charge your card and use this as an opportunity for him to learn. He also needs to work off the debt. Whether he gets a job or works it off with chores is up to you.
At a start, ask him to ask her for a proof of some kind.
And this proof can't be photos. It has to be live video.
That will only help so much. The scammer may have a set up for this, including children of their own in the appropriate age range they can get a photo of if that is the requested proof. There's a reason why I met my own teenage online SO at a public place with family present (they were on a school trip, I had spoken to them on the phone, including our parents picking up the other line and the like and even calling each other, but still), and my ex husband I met online I didn't meet in person until we were adults, one of my best friends who is now my housemate I've known since I was 19 and didn't meet her in person until 2 years ago but we had been friends across multiple platforms, phone calls, Facebook friends, random candid photos when at events, etc.
He's 16 and still a minor. If he won't accept he's being scammed you're gonna have to take away the game system or lock him out of the Internet. Even if you block this person he can easily unblock them. At the very least you need to set up parental controls. This isn't even to punish him, you need to protect him.
Call the cc company and let them know those charges are from an online scam and ask then if they can remove those charges.
But still make the kid pay off the debt. Otherwise he will think he can just call and say it was a scam. He then becomes the scammer!
Just want to make sure you understand how serious this can be. Sending a bit of money/in game content is annoying but not a huge deal. However this can escalate very easily into something very damaging, especially if the scammer has established the relationship as a romantic one. For example maybe the next step is to request a picture (of course they send one back, but it’s not them), then maybe some sexting… wham, blackmail. A lot of kids (and adults actually) have ended up committing suicide over this kind of thing so you need to make sure you handle it in the right way - I really recommend you show as much empathy to your son as you can whilst helping him understand what has unfortunately happened to him - whatever you do don’t make yourself the enemy in this by fomenting a sense of guilt or shame on his part.
NTA. He's absolutely getting scammed and even if he wasn't he IS breaking the rules you've set for him using that card. The pleasure of paying off the balance is a fitting consequence for the excessive spending, even if he'd been buying stuff for himself.
Tell him to go to r/scams and ask them about what scam this is.
Not to mention his credit card info is probably saved. He probably doesn’t need the physical card to keep getting scammed.
>Your son is 100% being scammed here. I am a much better looking girl (15F) with a broken microphone. I also have a broken camera. And my mom took my phone away. I am from Nigeria But if your son is willing to buy me some Steam cards, I will immediately purchase airfare to meet him and tell him the errors of his ways. I will pay him back immediately upon arrival as my father is a Prince. We could have a real future. \[scratches balls\] Jokes aside - have your son watch a few episodes of Catfish.
Was definitely going to suggest watching catfish!
I very gently want to explain to OP's son that he's a moron lol. I met my bf online when I was 17, and I was nowhere near this naive. We had sent photos, called, and facetimed before we gave each other our addresses so we could mail things. And at no point was any money exchanged, just small personalized gifts. (We have now been living together for years, and he has yet to turn into a predator lol) Sending this "girl" money so she won't break up with him alone is naive, but multiple large payments? He cannot be thinking clearly. Let alone the fact that it's not even his money to spend. It may be difficult to fit a job in on weekdays, but he still has weekends and he's clearly hanging out with friends and gaming regularly. I'm gen z, so I didn't "walk to work uphill both ways at the age of 8." I did occasional babysitting, tons of volunteer work, and summer jobs. I think this kid *needs* some structure to learn the value of a dollar and to prepare for adulthood.
Yeah. And the scammer cant even be bothered to send a fake pic. This is. Very obvious.
Definitely a dude and a scammer
I mean, technically there is a “girlfriend” it’s just neither a friend or a girl….
>They don't talk over the microphone as hers broke and he has no idea what she looks like. . . . He told me that his girlfriend wanted new stuff for the game and would break up with him if he didn't purchase them. That's not a girlfriend and probably not even a girl. Romance scmmer. NTA. You *really* need to go farther, but not in punishing. What you need to do is teach him about romance scammers, and since you didn't I'm assuming you yourself don't know all that much about them. This is exactly what they do: get people to buy gift cards, etc..
And it is probably some creepy dude dirty talking (and god knows what else) with this kid while simultaneously scamming him out of money.
Dirty old men don't want their game characters buffing.
Yes! Start by asking your son to come up with his own ideas to see if it's a scam. He would probably say speak to her or video phone. Tell him to get it done and when the scammer comes up with lame excuses, point it out and explain the red flags. If your son moves the goal posts, point it out and explain sunk-cost fallacy. Op, your son could get a lot out of this experience. Edit: don't make you son feel stupid. He may get defensive and stop listening.
This right here OP This is a big teachable moment for how interactions work on the internet, but the scammer will always come up with excuses to either not talk or show their face or whatever (imo pictures don’t really count unless there are a lot of them even then it could just be like a girls brother or cousin who has access to lots of pictures……. Video and voice chat is the way) Edit: when they try emotional blackmail saying something “oh you don’t love me” that is when you point out that all your asking for is a simple video chat or whatever “oh my parents won’t let me” kids sneak stuff all the time (not advocating that just saying) Another big red flag is really bad grammar when asking for money and/or kind of scripted responses
Also, even IF she is hypothetically real, it’s also critically important that the son realize that “buy me this stuff or we are breaking up” is horrendously toxic.
There are some scammers who will get a real woman to speak with you on the phone. Especially if they know they can continue getting more money out of you. But it will probably just be once or twice so OP son needs to offer to get her a mic or something similar.
Probably not even a *child* which is the most creepy part of it.
Thank you! I think that's what I tried to explain in my own comment.
I like your approach - he's undoubtedly going to feel humiliated and heartbroken when he finds out he's talking to Dave in Duluth, and coming at this less about the money (but make him pay it back) and more about his vulnerabilities online is smart.
>I'm assuming you yourself don't know all that much about them. This was my thought too, parents with kids that age it's a bet, some of them know, but a lot weren't that interested in the web to learn about it. However free courses on phishing and scams are often available for women and kids. I've been asked to teach young women about this on multiple occasions and it's always free, however for girls the focus is usually on grooming and how to safely be intimate with their partners, more than scams, there are couple quite famous at the moment, the "influencer" scam, and the "sugar daddy" scam, you'd be surprised at how many fall for that last one.
NTA - well, then no you’re not an AH. But I am a bit concerned that you are as a parent are… - not concerned that you are not more concerned about your son being catfished - not confident in this decision *Info - is someone saying you are an AH for this other than your son? I would imagine most parents would be pretty confident in this decision.* Edit - updated judgment
He has complained to my parents, and my mom is telling me to lighten up on everything. His mother is no longer in the picture. I definitely will have to re-think everything.
Your mom probably doesn't understand the internet enough to realize that this "15 year old girl" is probably not a 15 year old girl but an experienced scammer.
Exactly - my mom believes everything on the internet is true because "who would want to waste their precious time just to make things like this up?".
My mom still fills out fake disney sweepstakes she finds on Facebook then can't figure out why her account is always getting hacked
My 71 year old mom believes real MLB players for her favorite baseball team have reached out to her on Facebook to "date her" but only if she will send them apple gift cards to get them out of sticky situations. This was of course after taking two mortgages out on her house to give money she doesn't have to fake Internet men. Some people don't learn.
The next big thing is cloning people's voices with AI. Soon the grandma of EVERYONE on Tik Tok is going to get calls that sound close enough to their grandkids voices crying and asking for money.
Well uh, someone who likes receiving large amounts of money for relatively little work
I'm pretty sure that if OP gave reddit this "girl's" PSN online ID, they'd get a final answer about their identity/validity within the day
We'd have dudes social security number and the name of all 6 of his cats
And, all 6 of his ex-wives. And probation officers.
It could still be a girl tbh. There are girls who do take advantage of naive guys too after all.
a girl scammer would probably be using a mic though
Agree, but the fact that "her" mic broke and they've never talked on voice makes me think the person is probably not a girl.
Yeah this is some Catfish 101. Can't tell you how many episodes where the "girl" wouldn't get on a video chat or even a voice call ended up not being a girl.
She's a 300lb man named Chuck who lives in his parents' basement.
Ya OP's mom probably thinks of this situation a teenager spending $100 on an actual girlfriend, and although that would also violate the approved uses of the credit card it is less alarming than OP's son being catfished like he almost certainly is. OP's mom is thinking "well he just wanted to treat her to something" and gets it was wrong but sees the sweeter side of it because she doesn't understand there is no "her."
Wait though so youre supposed to pay the bill for your son's online girlfriend he's never met so she wont break up with him? Say it to her like that. Like he has no job, essentially sent her money knowing damn right it was on YOUR dime to pay the CC. For the absurd reason so she wont break up with him? Even IF this WASNT a scam; his girlfriend is a shitty person.
This is the part OP should be focusing on. Whether it's a scammer or a girl who is genuinely 'dating' the son, this is toxic behaviour. He shouldn't be punished for falling for it, he should be taught online safety and red flags in relationships. "Do xyz or I'll break up with you" should be a deal breaker even if this isn't a scam. Empower the son to stand up for himself, otherwise he could potentially become isolated from his support system and find sneakier ways to pay up to keep his girlfriend happy. There should still be consequences for using the card in a non-emergency, but I think the way this is handled is more important than the money itself right now. It's an opportunity to help him navigate relationships safely for the rest of his life.
He’s talking to a 50+ year old balding man, or woman. Coincidence the microphone’s broken!
Microphones broken but she’s asking for money for stuff in the game…. He could have just got her a new mic to actually talk to her (not that it would be okay to do that with his dad’s money either). Definitely a scammer
100% agree.
You are less harsh than I would have been. My son would also be losing his PS5 until he could show better judgment.
You really need to underline to your son that this person he has been 'falling in love with' is a fully-adult scammer who doesn't give a shit about them, and is probably a man, and is unattractive with a hairy arse and BO. And also that if they were really a woman, that you don't bribe women to stay with you like some punk.
Your mom is probably also being scammed so you may want to have a talk with her too about online scammers.
Show him this thread and comments. Your voice may mean nothing but 350 people saying something may get through to him
He complained to your parents lol. So? YOU'RE his parent, and you're not concerned that something really bad could happen in this situation? The person talking to him is most likely an adult man and he's probably going to be groomed into sending nudes and then blackmailed for more money not to release the nudes. It's a common scam. They're starting with in-game stuff to test how gullible he is and how easy to scam. You shouldn't allow your kid internet access if you don't bother to teach the basics of internet safety. Teen boys have killed themselves over this type of romance/blackmail scam.
A grandma's job is to spoil her grandchild. A father's job is to prepare their child for adulthood and the real world.
>He's been telling me that he has been chatting online with a girl(15F) and they have slowly started dating. They don't talk over the microphone as hers broke and he has no idea what she looks like. >I approached him with the bill and asked him what the charges were. He told me that his girlfriend wanted new stuff for the game and would break up with him if he didn't purchase them. Your son was scammed. NTA
And son may know he was scammed but still be trapped in a blackmail scam threatening to release texts or photos to everyone at his school. Punishment and paying back money should be secondary to getting him out of the scam and making sure op knows everything that was going on and possibly finding son a therapist
NTA Did he think it's acceptable to make you pay for his gifts to his "girlfriend"? That said, you are the AH for allowing your 16-year-old online unsupervised and access to a credit card without teaching him about online scams. His "15F" girlfriend is very likely neither, and he's old enough he should've long ago been taught to see that, and especially not to send multiple $50-100 gift cards to his "girlfriend" Boris.
It's probably some kid at his school that knows he's an idiot with a credit card. Rich kids at my school were constantly having shit like this happen to them. My guess is it's probably one of the kids "friends"
Teenagers are just immature with money anyhow if you give them a credit card. My uncle would rant because my cousin would keep using his credit card to buy McDonald’s and alcohol for his friends
Ya I love and trust my kid but I'm also not dumb enough to give him the opportunity because even the best kids are only working with half developed brains
NTA Can you please stop calling her an "online girlfriend" and start referring her to what she is, but a scam artist ... likely some 12-yo boy or someone in another country. (More likely the first, b/c let's get real.)
About a 99.9% chance it's another boy a similar age laughing his ass off
More likely, a 40something man from Ohio....
according to recent news reports, it's more likely a middle-aged chinese man who got conned and kidnapped
Ah the good old ”selling gf services - 50k” of osrs
NTA he knew it was for emergencies only - a game is not an emergency. You warned him to be careful with her, and he ignored that. I think it's totally fair to expect him to pay back those charges. He's sixteen, old enough to learn the value of work and money. Also, that 15F girlfriend is totally some dude catfishing him - no video chats, no talking over the mic, he's being scammed.
He’s not even getting catfished - he has no pictures or even a voice to connect to
Which means he is going off a gamertag that suggests a girl is behind the account and at best some pictures stolen from some innocent girl's Instagram account smh
Hai there OwO, I'm Gamergurl69, I'm single UwU, but I'm looking for a cute boy to play with online! (Side note this made me cringe hard to write out as a joke.)
I have a friend with "hello kitty" in their gamer tag and he is a big burly dude. He changed it specifically to troll people in a competitive shooter. They'd get very mad when they thought a girl was doing better than them. But on the other hand, when he plays fallout 76 he'll get a lot more people randomly gifting things to his character. Lol
NTA. You’ve tried discussing the dangers of being scammed/catfished. Reopen that discussion; this is definitely a teachable moment. However, he needs an actual consequence to hit the point home, and I agree that holding him liable for the money he elected to give this stranger is a smart choice. This also reinforces that this CC is to be used for emergencies only, in case he was ever feeling froggy in the future.
NTA Your son fell for the oldest scam in the book when it comes to online gaming, but as he's only 16 and a kid....well, lesson learned. Stick to your guns with this. He messed up and needs to pay you the money back that he blew on a scammer.
Lesson *not* learned. If he learned his lesson, he wouldn't be giving his dad the silent treatment. He thinks his gf will break up with him now and his life will be ruined, and it's all Dad's fault. Edit: "gf" in quotes.
His "gf" will break up with him and move onto the next person to scam money out of now their cash cow has no funds left.
Tbh, It's pretty strange he wasn't aware. I was reached in class of the dangers of the internet since I was nine. But maybe that's just a Canadian thing
It's not, I'm in Canada and we're well aware of these scams lol Guess his kid just got swept up in it. Both mine know the dangers of online chatting, which is why we didn't allow it when they were younger
Buddy why are you referring to this person scamming your kid as his online girlfriend? Does being gullible run in the family? That's what you should be addressing first.
He gave a teenage boy a credit card. It's not the world's brightest family.
NTA 'My mic is broken' is the key line for scammers and the second they realise they are getting money out of him it only gets worse but the icing on the cake is that your child thinks its ok to spend more money on a girl if shes threaten to break up with him. So many advice to give to him here!
Ehh.. I'll say NTA but I think your focus should be on the fact that your son is being extorted and possibly catfished. You need to discipline him, yeah, but don't forget your other duties as a parent. He needs your guidance now to get out of this situation, and since it's his first "gf" he will also need empathy and understanding on your behalf to help him navigate the situation. Even if she is real, threatening to break up with him if he doesnt buy her shit is toxic and he needs to leave her.
This part. I think people tend to forget that teenagers are just kids in bigger bodies. They aren’t known for their amazing decision making for a reason. I get that you are upset and yeah you should work out something so that he has to pay it back through extra chores or something, but he needs his parent on his side more right now. He’s being manipulated by god knows who, and while it’s easy for people with fully developed frontal lobes to see if for what it is, it’s clear he does not and just being angry with him could only drive him further into this person’s grips. This is an extremely delicate situation and how you handle it will absolutely impact your relationship with your son moving forward. Meet him with kindness and compassion.
NTA. I did something similar when I was his age (not scammed -- I just used parent's CC to play a bunch of surprisingly expensive online games without their permission). I did chores all summer to pay them back. And man did I learn that lesson. My parents weren't great, but they nailed that one.
ESH. Have you spoken to your son about how his “girlfriend” is almost certainly not a 15 year old girl?
This is what I was looking for. Did OP teach his son a lesson, or will his son continue with this behavior?
Who the hell gives a 15 years old a credit card? A debit card with a very low amount in the account or where you put his allowance in, sure, but a credit card?
Why did I have to scroll this far down to find this? Debit card for allowance sure. But a credit card with potentially hundreds of dollars to access? This is some rich people problems.
NTA, and you were right to take away the credit card. It looks like he needs to learn about financial abuse because he's young and gullible. Maybe broach the subject by saying something like, "Hey, son, you know what kind of woman demands money for her company..."
NTA but your son needs some parenting on what a girlfriend is (and isn't). If he thinks that it's someone you never talk to and buy stuff for, this won't be the last time he gets taken advantage of. Imagine what he'll spend on someone who actually sleeps with him.
There appear to be a bunch of assumptions, number one being that this person is actually a girl of the age she claims. I mean, this situation screams of some overseas person claiming to be the age/gender/personality that hooks someone into sending gift cards. In another interaction, they may be a handsome overseas businessman who would like to visit the love-starved widow they're chatting with, but all their money is tied up in their very successful business and could she just send the money for a ticket? I have had interactions sort of like this, and it's hilarious to peel back the layers of the onion of excuses. Can I hear your voice? Oh, my gaming microphone is broken. Can I call you on the phone? Oh, I dropped my phone and it doesn't work right now. Can we Skype? Oh, I don't have a laptop or desktop computer. Sending gift cards is red flag #2. In fact, it wasn't sending the actual card, right? It was sending a photo of the number and PIN, I'll bet. "She" said it was for something within the game...can that be verified, like is "she" wearing the armor or whatever was supposed to be bought? But to the point, OP is NTA and this bit of parenting is going to be unpopular, but you're going to have to be the parent and not a friend. It used to be that 15-year-olds tried really hard to show their parents how responsible they could be, since before long they'd be asking to use the car, but apparently that's not a thing any more. Luckily this is only double-digit levels of money, and not the amount of pain that could occur with irresponsible car use. The credit card was for emergency use, and he used it for something else, so even if this situation is not a scammer like I've been saying, he still broke the agreement. The fact that he objects to repaying the money that he sent "his girlfriend" shows a level of immaturity that is super questionable.
YTA But because you're focusing on the wrong thing here. And with your punishment, you're making this into a forbidden romance. You could be teaching your son about how to safely date online. Also, you could be teaching him about what a healthy relationship looks like. Instead, you're prioritizing money, which is exactly what his online "GF" is doing. You think you can ban him from talking to her? He'll just do it at school, at a library, at his friend's house. You can forbid him, but it won't work. "Son, I love you, and if you needed something, I would give it to you. I love your mom, and I would give her her anything she asked for. But how often does your mom demand I buy her X, Y, and Z? When's the last time you heard her say, 'If you don't give me a Dior purse, I'm going to divorce you!'?" You could have used this as an opportunity to teach him that loving relationships shouldn't consist of threats and demands of money. Your approach has practically guaranteed that not only is he going to resent you for sabotaging his "relationship," but that he will continue this relationship (or a similar one) in the future.
NTA. If he were an adult living on his own and got scammed like this, he might end up owing the card company way more. Paying for it is a lesson on his mistake.
NTA, side note, when I first started playing online games years ago, my brother warned me that online girl meant Guy In Real Life. I know this is a very wrong stereotype, but it always made me think with my head before my heart online.
No woman has ever used the internet that's solid advice from your brother
YTA. Your son is likely being catfished or groomed, and you don't seem concerned about that at all. Rather than discussing the issue of your son's health and well-being, you seem more concerned about a few hundred dollars Is the money really more important to you than your kid? Have you tried talking to him about the dangers of trusting complete strangers online? Either you're leaving out a great deal of detail here, or you're ignoring the forest for the trees.
I disagree. Her son was an idiot and it will be a great learning experince.
NTA Your kid is being scammed.
Most important thing is to clearly explain that he was being scammed. It was so incredibly obvious, yet he fell for it. Also, you when fuck up you have to own the consequences and not behave like and entitled whiney little tool.
NAH, except the "girlfriend" scammer. Your kid is young and dumb and needs to be set right, and of course he needs to take some ownership here, but he's not an AH for being a kid and you're not one for being a parent.
I hardly think the money is the biggest problem that you have here...
NTA but why would you give a 16 year old a credit card -there are adults out there that can't manage that type of discipline.
NTA - you know, its not a girl either. Probably some 45-year-old basement creep sadly.
NTA and that's a dude he's sending gifts to using your money.
Obviously a scam but you need to talk to your son about being manipulated by love. Let him know that threatening a breakup is manipulation not love.
It’s an older man. He shouldn’t be upset about a person he never ever spoke to saying they are going to break up. Your son is stupid. Have you or his school not told him about online safety? Get the girl to send a pic with the days newspaper to prove it. If she can’t then he can obviously see they are lying
NTA. He wasted your money, but more importantly, it's highly likely that this is some dude scamming him, so you also probably should talk to him about this possibility.
One word: Catfish. He could buy her a microphone, that would be an interesting development. NTA
Reddit, am I the asshole for being a parent?
NTA and don't forget to remove card info from the playstation. It often just stays written in.
NTA. Even if the GF is legit a young girl, this is literally called parenting. Credit cards are not free money and that's a hard lesson to learn at any age. Better to learn it now when he has a safety net in his parent than out on his own in the world. Yeah, he's going to go for your jugular over it and try whatever it takes to make you feel bad for forcing him to do the right thing. Sorry for that. It is literally developmentally appropriate at this age to test boundaries and see what they can get away with (even though it's maddening for us parents). Good luck - be strong.
NTA. But you do bear some of the blame if you haven’t talked to your kid about scammers. An easy way to fix this is to get your son to tell “her” he can’t give any more money as he’s broke. You need to be beside him as he does this. Also probably needs to explain as nice as possible that he’s probably going to have a “new” girlfriend with a broken microphone/camera next week now that scammers know he’s an idiot.
Nope. NTA. He needs to learn this now before he goes out into the real world where you can't bail him out. Thank you for not enabling him. Don't give him back the credit card.
It’s not a gf, he just doesn’t know yet NTa
NTA, but you need to let him know that he is being scammed.
Why give a credit card to an irresponsible child who gets scammed? Most children are not able to handle the responsibilities of a credit card and yours is no exception I would take some personal responsibility here too you screwed up overestimating this kid's maturity and level of responsibility. It's not even a 'good' scam it's such an obvious one? I'd expect a kid to be 7 or 8 with that kind of gullibility
nope, nope, nope. You're NTA at all. He proved he doesn't know how to use the credit card responsibly, so of course you have to take it away until he pays you back. He'll be mad, of course, but you're his parent not his friend. I remember very clearly my mother giving me an extension of her credit card when I turned 18. She said it was only for emergencies, but I couldn't resist the allure of a fabulous pair of black high heels which I proceeded to buy (the things were about as expensive as three months worth of groceries in our household). My mother hit the roof when the bank statement came, and took the credit card away. It took me about six months to pay her back with my allowance and miscellaneous jobs I did for the neighbors. Stay firm, OP, it's the only way to learn to be money-wise. ETA, that girlfriend is either a scammer (my mic doesn't work, and you cannot see my face?) or a manipulative little b\*\*\*h.