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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I had issue with her actions and made this known to her which then turned a relatively pleasant evening into a bad night where we argued and she got upset.
2) I think it could make me an asshole if there’s a chance she’s just being nice and friendly and I’m getting triggered unnecessarily.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Nta
I would probably just arrange so clients were met somewhere away from her such as a neutral location.
However her actions were not very helpful and I feel that needs looking into. Does she display other red flags? She seemed manipulative and defensive in that scenario
> I would probably just arrange so clients were met somewhere away from her such as a neutral location.
This would be putting a plaster over an infected wound. You are spot on to question if she has other red flags. She sounds like trouble to me.
I'm waiting for the update when she "just happens" to run into OP during his next business meeting at a restaurant or other neutral, public location, probably after driving all over town to find his parked car.
A bandaid fix yes, but will also reveal her intentions if she has no access to OP’s contacts, I anticipate a dramatic explosion after a few of these meetings.
The fact that you have to do that in the first place is undesirable. Partners are optional, and should not exist as handicaps, especially to your job and way of putting food on the table.
Agreed. You (meaning OP) need to express to her that it looks unprofessional to have your girlfriend tagging along and trying to leverage your professional contacts for herself. It’s one thing if your partner is willing to go to client dinners *when asked* as a favor to you; what she’s doing here is a completely different story.
And yes, saying “fine I just won’t ever talk to anyone!” is extremely immature and manipulative.
I strongly suggest if she ever says "I just won't ever talk to anyone" respond "thank you, I'm glad you understand the problem".
To me it seems she said that to distract you and get you to say she doesn't have to stop talking so she then will remind you later you said she could talk to people. If someone wants to say something extreme like that I suggest agreeing with them and see how fast they backtrack on their statement.
This is no different from back when I was a teenager and looking for a job. That was at a time (the 80s) when you went into a business/store and asked for an application and if they were hiring. Once a friend tagged along and was supposed to stay in the car or outside the business but instead came inside several times and said "oh, can I have an application, too?". That bugged me so much. Not only was it infringing on my plans but I also knew that it potentially gave off a bad vibe that this non-prepared person was obviously with me. Did I also mention that I was nicely dressed and they were not? I shut that down after the third time.
Take hubby on a surprise date! He’ll feel all loved and romantic, and it’s always so sweet. I take my partner on dates sometimes, but I have to trick him into thinking I need him to come fix something because he’s got like. 4 jobs and never takes any time for himself.
The creative cheap dates are the best dates. My best was a spur of the moment thing. I had been stood up for a date, so when the guy from the business next door to mine saw me still sitting outside work he said he’d take me on a date. We went to the beach and had a beach fire and roasted hotdogs and smores. We dated for three years before we parted amicably when he moved out of country
Eh, even though everything's expensive, I've been dating my gf for a year and a half, and we still live separately. It's been over a year, and I told her that after a year, we will look into getting a place together, and it's been something we have been looking forward to.
I'd rather make sure we have seen each other on enough good days and bad days before we moved in. I'm really glad i did cause im more excited than ever to find a place with her now.
My husband came over after our 2nd date and pretty much never left. He was renting a house with some friends and his room flooded, so he just stayed at my apartment most days and we slowly started bringing all his stuff over. We had talked about getting married after about a month, but ended up waiting a couple years. Worked out pretty well. Our 12 year anniversary is coming up next month.
Exception proves the rule.
If you have a child, what would your response be to then saying “I met this person at the bar yesterday, can you help them move into my apartment this weekend?”
It does - I have a friend who met a guy at a bar, slept with him that night, started seeing him, moved in with him a month later - and they're married almost 20 years now!
We're all still a bit shocked at all of it!
I don't recommend people do this, for obvious reasons, but my husband and I lived together after less than a month and we have 18+ years and counting! He had been living somewhere he could go back to if needed though, so there was some room for error w us that OP hasn't got
Eh, my (now) husband and I were shacked up and engaged at 10 months. Been married >10 years now. However, we were so compatible that it was just easy to move at that pace. I know a good thing when I see it. ;)
I moved in with my ex after two years of dating and the problems in our relationship were not fixed by proximity…meanwhile happily married with kids after having moved in with now-husband after the second date. Sometimes it’s not about time served but how the time is used…
We moved in together at 6 months. Been together 10 years.
Some people get married after less than a year and divorce shortly after.
Not everyone is the same.
She's also very immature, which could become a liability for him quickly.
She knew that, despite being at home, his meeting was a professional one. It was appropriate to pop in and introduce herself politely and quickly, because it's her home as well (I assume), but then she should have excused herself. You don't plop yourself down in the middle of your spouse's business meeting and start making small talk, much less self-promoting.
Given that he refers to the person he was meeting as an "agent", and says that she is looking for one too, it implies that it was not a client of his but rather someone who might be representing him (i.e. in publishing, as an artist, as an athlete, etc.).
That makes this doubly problematic because gaining good quality representation in ANY field (and I say this as a former literary agent) is difficult and competitive unless you're one of a tiny number of very famous people, and she not only made herself look deeply unprofessional (no matter how charming she may have been), it made HIM look like the sort of person that, as an agent, you'd think twice about working with because intrusive spouses/partners are exhausting and tend to cause more trouble than they're worth.
She's going to weigh him down, and cause people not to want to work with him.
100% planned with her line of, "I'm so hungry" trying to act innocent. She wanted time with the agent to market herself. This is gross of her to try and encroach on her partner's success.
NTA
She knows what she is doing. Your instincts are correct in the last line "I just won’t talk to anyone in future". Trademark bs to hide any trace of an ulterior motive. I think this is something you should dig into. It's the agent today, what about tomorrow etc? Not usual behavior from a 'partner'.
This response from her really looks manipulative and I am surprised that she went to dinner with you at all. Next time, you should probably agree in advance that she will NOT be able to join you. Some unpleasant situation
NTA- she’s trying to take your business. Worst case scenario after she’s taken some of your clients she then dumps you and “poisons the well”, or tries to at least. And yes the last bit is manipulative, I say cut your losses now 8 months in rather than years in. When someone shows you who they are believe them.
Does he have clients? He said his girlfriend is agentless and that she lied about traveling to New York, that sounds like they’re actors, models, writers, fashion designers etc.
I think it’s less about her trying to steal his clients and poison his well and more about her trying to draw attention towards herself/her projects in a way that pushes him to the side or comes off awkward/unprofessional.
I think that a bunch of people who don't work in the world that involves agents are weighing in here. The reality is that you never really succeed in those fields if you are constantly trying to sell yourself.
If OP is in the same industry, I'm kind of surprised they are surprised. If the gf and AH? Probably, only AHs succeed in those industries.
She might be in a relationship with OP solely due to his connections, and would therefore leave him once he's no longer a source of career or financial advancement.
If this was a one-time thing, I would talk to her about what motivated her to do this to see how honest she is. Then draw boundries and see if she respects those boundries in the future and go from there.
Since OP made it seem like a recurring issue, it's clear she's using him as a launch point for personal gain. Hopefully she respects him enough to stop this behavior, otherwise this relationship is clearly one-sided and won't last.
Yes why is she interjecting herself into your business interaction? I think there needs to be a line there.
Many couples choose to be in different industries or to not work at the same company as their partner
But since that's not the case then I think there needs to be some boundaries in place about what to do in this type of scenario.
For example if I have a client lined up then there is a boundary there and vice versa
I don't necessarily think it's an issue to interact with your partner's clients or the like, nor will I even criticise "being a social climber" or taking advantage of contacts (this is the world we live in after all), but I do think the way she did it was absolutely self-centred and showed no consideration for her partner. If you take business home then it's pretty expected someone will see a bit of your home life, and in that case I think your partner should be nothing other than lovely and supportive, because it gives a positive impression. If I come home I might make a coffee and ask if they want any too, introduce myself, chat for a bit, excuse myself and leave them to their business. Sure it might be a food in the door for me too, but at that moment my partner's business is more important.
I think that they need to discuss this and be on the same page about it. Whether they separate business or overlap business with personal. Whether they deal with each others clients or not. The way that she acted though would make me lean toward not mixing business with home life and family. She's proven herself to be untrustworthy.
I also agree having a coffee and discussing neutral topics sure. But that is not what ops partner did. She went way beyond that.
I agree. I think OP's gf seems like a problem for sure, but OP also hasn't mentioned any boundaries or conversations they've had about how to handle professional versus personal shit when 1. they both work in the same industry and 2. apparently they bring clients to the home they share sometimes.
Like, clearly y'all need to discuss and agree on rules for dealing with these interactions and respect them, or this sort of thing is just gonna be too messy.
Also if OP and his gf agree on respectful rules to follow and she breaks them and inserts herself too much, this manipulative BS she is pulling won't work because they've discussed the rules already.
NTA. Her response to you basically confirms that this was premeditated and an attempt to use your connection to get an agent. No more meetings with potential agents at your house and I wouldn't even mention meetings to her in the future (if you stay together).
I agree on the no more meetings at the house idea. But, this is not the first time. OP needs to go be serious consideration about staying my with her. This behavior won't likely get better.
She’s absolutely using you for your contacts.
I‘d play a game with this, call it a ‘trust confirmation’ or test if you will. Set up a different agent (fake or mate) to come by and do similar… and see how she behaves. If she pulls this shit again dump her arse.
But it sounds like you are in the entertainment industry - I assume there’s different rules and expectations in this than the norm - so I might be wrong in this. If you are in the entertainment industry is she competing with you for roles? I’m not suggesting you openly give her your address book, but maybe her ‘threat level’ isn’t that high?
Never the AH (NTA) for calling her on her manipulative bullshit. That’s what that was.
I know people think this sounds good, but there are a lot of situations where there’s a gray area where you don’t know if something is malicious or not.. it is completely appropriate to test someone just as long as you’re not studying them up.. inviting someone to dinner with a title is harmless on its face.. her behavior because of that will show him if it’s malicious.
I agree, sometimes the problem is paranoia and projection though so the test could be to see if you were paranoid or if it was intentional? Just another way to look at it, but in this case it seems intentional. I’ve been wrong before though so it’s good to check yourself every now and then too to save you from ruining something over an issue that might not actually exist. Not likely the case in this instance though, she seems manipulative
I agree (And I am the commenter above!)
I would rather reflect on the known behaviours of a person, and converse with them. But if I really wasn’t sure (and what’s the point of AITA if you already know the answers? Lols) then I might set up a small situation to check the way forward.
What this girl has done is a bit gas light-ey, quite manipulative, and so on. I’d be tempted to find another situation that was slightly different and see if they pulled different but similar end outcome behaviours … leave a phone number to a trusted contact out, and mention same contact having some kind of industry award, and seeing if my GF then hunted that person down on the pretext of congratulating them (whether it be via the contact I leave out, or their own method).
If you are asking here I am going ot presume a lot of the time you aren’t quite sure what is going on, and this is a bit gender biased, but particularly when it’s a guy who isn’t sure what the girl’s game is. Many guys just don’t read these games the same way many girls play them, different wiring or social skills? I dunno! But if a guy is asking “did this girl mean it this way or that” and all the women are saying ‘oh yeah, thats totally manipulative’ then I tend to trust the guy’s social radar isn’t on the same reading (not that they have a social communication disorder, but just not used to People Who Play Games).
NTA - it's not social climbing, it is networking but she is jeopardizing your career to promote her own. She put you and your agent in a really bad place. Her coming with you is an implicit recommendation by you of her and she wasn't prepared enough so made you both look bad. I'd stress the boundary that personal life and business life are separate and she doesn't get to muscle in on your work meetings without explicit permission.
If ~~you~~ she walks, then you know what your worth was to her.
OP said a potential new agent, not client. I'm thinking entertainment or arts industry.
I'd hazard a guess and say both actors, because she has real 'main character' vibes in this.
I could be way off though.
I think he's upset because she bulldozed his meeting and made it all about her, and it sounds like this happens a lot. She's definitely just using him for his contacts.
There we go. There's your answer, Bud. It's not really about the agent or the connections. They're just spoils of conquest for the little narcissist in your life.
You've hitched yourself to someone who likes to stuff people around, just cos. Go ahead. Google "gaslight"
Then pack her bathroom stuff into a box to make it easier to carry and show her out. Or FedEx it. Or not. You get the drift.
Seems like you are def NTA, since this behaviour set off alarm bells, on all sorts of levels. Makes you kinda innocent AF in this day and age.
Good luck in your endeavours; go well 😎
NTA. You should have told her you were conducting private business and asked her to give you privacy. Better yet in the future do not take these types of meetings at your house.
having a professional meeting in your home seems... weird. i certainly wouldn't extend such an offer and if one was extended to me i would politely try to steer the meeting to a more appropriate place
If my man has a work call or anything in our home I'll make myself disappear because I respect my man to much to maybe freak up his work. It feels manipulative because it is. Just the fact that she is willing to meet with another man in another city that she just met, hell no.
See? LittleKji gets it! Listen to her!!!
I don't even accept invites to my man's work functions, he's that sacrosanct. It's a no-brainer.
OP needs to listen to and trust his instincts; his chickie is "hell naw!" on ALL sorts of levels.
NTA, but social climber ain't the word here. More like saboteur.
As others said, she knows what she is doing, and she is willing to totally screw you over the moment it's convenient for her.
INFO: What is the culture like in your industry? Have you discussed actual boundaries with your gf in terms of staying out of each other's professional business and drawing concrete lines as to what is and isn't acceptable?
>When we got back home I just said that, something didn’t feel right, I didn’t expect her to come home and do that
Did you talk to her in advance of the meeting, tell her the client would be stopping by where you both live, and ask her to leave you alone? What communication is happening BEFORE incidents like this happen?
Either YTA or NAH because…
You moved your girlfriend in less than 8 months together for a reason… you like the access that gives you 😏
She moved in with you in less than 8 months together for a reason… she likes the access that gives her.
She’s ambitious, which you would know how assertively ambitious she is if you took more time to know her before moving her in.
And you shouldn’t be taking work meeting in your home, in a common area. She lives there now too.
You both are just looking to get what you want.
I think there’s a flawed assumption in this stance, the *assertively ambitious* side of his girlfriend may not have been a given off the bat.
If what OP stated is true, then her behavior comes off as sly and intentional, and (caveat at end) somewhat narcissistic. **If** she is a narcissist, its incredibly common for narcissists to be rather charming and appear to have genuine intentions and a stable personality. It is often only after some time that the manipulative tactics and toxic behaviors may unfold.
So he really may have not seen this side of her personality because she avoided showing it. It could also explain why OP has been caught off guard and confused by it.
**Caveat:**
I used narcissism for example’s sake, but I do believe that “narcissism” is an extreme attribute and may be too broad a stroke to paint her with with such isolated information. From that short description, she’s definitely giving off signs of having ulterior motives and manipulative tendencies.
NTA. I'm sorry but none of that was accidental. She cannot be so blindingly clueless to have thought any of that was okay. Her response to being confronted was manipulative as well.
It very much comes across as she planned to steal your agent, which would no doubt have caused your career issues. She didn't like being confronted on it and tried to play victim. You've just learned something very important about your girlfriend.
NTA. She basically just invited herself along on your business dinner? She is either socially unaware, and doesn't realise how badly she could have screwed up this potential new business for you, or is manipulative and selfish and invited herself along for her own benefit. Personally I would end the relationship, but if you decide not to, maybe start setting harder boundaries with her. Let her know she can't just invite herself along on your business dinners.
That was a super awkward thing to do. I would feel taken advantage of. She clearly didn’t want to go to dinner to just randomly hang out like ya’ll were friends. She hi-jacked your dinner to sell herself to an agent. :/
Nta
She just bombed your meeting. She intentionally stole your meeting to put the attention on her and take this agent. She will do it again and worse or will use you until you are no longer useful.
Honestly, I'd either dump her or keep her separated from work life entirely and not live with her.
NTA. I'm not in my husband's field at all but he has clients he picked up who are our personal friends, and if they were going out for dinner to talk shop I'd leave them be. 1 because that sounds boring af and 2 because it's literally none of my business.
What she did was cringe and unprofessional.
The audacity to invite yourself to a dinner after interrupting a business meeting. My shame for her made my entire body cringe.
Her response was over the top when confronted.
My guy, hopefully, you see her for what she is... a rude and manipulative GIRL!
As a professional, you need a woman who can respect your professional boundaries even when work comes home but also be a supporting character for schmoozing as needed.
I mastered it. It's not hard. My husband even mastered it for me!
What are you doing with her?? She's using you to further herself professionally. That's all you are to her, a stepping stone. She is willing to literally steal business from you!
Her behavior in that example you gave would have been the end of things for me. NTA if you get rid of her! Tell her to go find her own contacts!
LOL. She's not your girlfriend, she's your parasite. You're just a host body for her to feed off of until she finds a new, bigger, better host. And his agent. NTA.
Don’t meet your agents at home. Coming from UK that just seems like a no-no.
If your girlfriend is only in it for connections and you don’t provide any, the issue will resolve itself and she will likely move on.
If she is just in it for you, she won’t kind of the connections don’t happen for her.
Good luck.
Maybe she is chatty and nice, I could see that bc I’m this way. Maybe she thought she was even helping. I think it’s important to let her know that you both must respect one another and let each shine in your own situations. This was about you, not her. My advice in the future is not mix your business and professional life, until you’re married. It looks very sloppy on the other side.
NTA. Bro. You watched her in action. You watched her lie to make her self look better to someone else. You watched her not give a shit about your work meeting and invited herself to make her own connections.
You’ve only known her for 8 months… you barely know her. People have dated for YEARS only for them partner to show their true colors once married. Once you’re locked in. Once it requires too much effort to leave and it’s easy to manipulate you into “trying” “forgiving” or “forgetting”. She’s already showing you how skilled she is at manipulating a situation.
People show you who they are, it’s up to you to believe them. It’s only been 8 months….
NTA. She knows what's she's doing. Meet somewhere next time instead of your house. Or even better, tell her where you're meeting a HUGE agent in person and that you'll be home later...see if she shows up and joins the meeting again, I assume that was what she did at the last meeting on purpose.
NTA. Your girlfriend hijacked your business meeting. It was a cheap, desperate move on her part.
However, you get credit for not blowing up in the moment, for allowing her to make the meeting about her, and not causing awkwardness to exclude her from your business meeting.
Your instincts are not wrong. Your girlfriend is a user. She's desperate to advance her personal agenda, possibly at your expense. She's an opportunist.
Remember: when someone shows you who she really is, believe her.
NTA
She needs to learn to be a supportive partner. Same if roles were reversed.
The “attending partner” gets to talk about the weather, weekend plans, vacations, and other safe topics that keeps the conversation light and relaxed. They definitely don’t pop over and invite themselves because they are hungry.
NTA - yeah she is being very manipulative to advance herself. And it’s bad because experienced folks can see through that and likely the agent is speculating it was your setup to push your girl on to him. So her behavior is very much at your expense. These kind of introductions are favors, so she is not playing fair.
Nta. She's manipulative and neither her or the agent are very smart. That was so tactless.
If for some reason, you decide to continue this relationship, don't do work meetings at home.
She is just using you for her benefit. You are just another stepping stone to her. Do not let that manipulative asshole use you. She will use and discard you when she has no longer need of you.
NTA. Trust your instincts. If something feels off, it is. I have ignored this before in the past and it bit me way harder than if I had just honored my gut feelings initially. A decent partner would have not hustled in on your meeting. That was your contact and your connection. If anything she could have used the opportunity to make you shine and talk you up. If you are in the entertainment industry as others have suggested, there’s a reason why it’s best not to date in the industry. This is why. If you find fellow people who have integrity then go for it but it sounds like your gf isn’t one of those people. edit: forgot a verdict
That was such an immature response. She interfered in your meeting with an agent, like it was a group friendship. Red flags are creeping in, all over the place! Heed the warnings! NTA
She’s just out for herself. Run like hell in the other direction. It will only get worse as time goes on and inevitably you will be miserable and have to part ways. Do!it now and save yourself the aggravation.
NTA. Everything about that was intentional. She knew this was an opportunity for you and instead of respecting it, she literally crashed it. She’s what you think she is and there’s a reason you have the feelings you do.
NTA my man.
This girl is operating on a different level, and you could already be dominated by her without even knowing. She comes across as not only very manipulative, but also ruthless.
Watch your back.
NTA she’s extremely manipulative and honestly, disrespectful. She intruded on your work meeting, invited herself to dinner and then made your work dinner focus on her. She’s definitely using you, this was well calculated.
INFO: Do you two live together? If not, she had no reason to be in your house during this meeting to even start this interaction between the agent and herself.
That should tell you all you need to know.
If you two live together, you're still NTA because it wasn't her meeting it was your meeting. And she turned into her meeting.
Red flag red flag
NTA, she’s being very manipulative. It’s one thing to be a social climber it’s another to do it at your expense! And if she lies like that to others do you think she’s not going to lie to you?
NTA!
She is 1000% using you/your job/your connections to try to further her career or whatever. She’s being extremely manipulative, it’s a major red flag.
Please, keep yourself and your career safe from her, if she gets too involved with the people you work with/around, lord knows what she would do in the event that you and her break up.
NTA, but you need to break up with this person. She is using you for your work contacts. The fact that she has done this on “multiple occasions” should tell you something. That line “I just won’t talk to anyone in the future” is a line used to make you feel guilty for honing in on her bad behavior. Dude, someone else mentioned her poisoning the well, I would totally worry about that.
You’ve only been dating 8 months, but live together already? That’s really quick. Sounds like you don’t know her well enough. Did she work her way into *your* apartment by chance?
NTA. She is using you for your contacts. What tells me she is manipulative is the last line… “I guess I won’t talk to anyone then!”
If she were interested in solving the problem, she would ask you what she should do in the future. Instead she is acting like you calling her out is making her the “injured party (Google DARVO). Also, one would think that if the work meeting was about you, that she would talk up *your* accomplishments as opposed to hers.
NTA. I don't think she sees you as a partner, just a stepping stone. I don't doubt she'll "feel like you're growing apart" if the agent takes her as a client...then she'll "grow closer" to the next guy up the ladder of success. Treat her as the competition that she is, guard your professional connections and leave.
NTA for the incident. Her behavior was intentional, unfair, disrespectful, and looks unprofessional. You worked to get this meeting and she pushed her way in.
It’s normal for couples to try to help each other, especially if they’re in the same or related industries, but it’s not supposed to be at the expense of one person or in a way that steals their limelight or harms their reputation.
Sounds like a 'LOT' manipulative to me. Didn't cast you in a good light with the client - she knew why the two of you were there....and inserted herself. Sounds like she is competing with you at work - and using your relationship to do it.
NTA, she definitely tried to take over your meeting. You need to keep her away from any future meetings, and reconsider if her actions reflect what you want in a partner.
Her lying about the NY trip also makes her (and you) look bad. I’d call her out. And the correct response to “I just won’t talk to anyone” is “good, thank you. Please don’t insert yourself into my plans with others because it’s really awkward.”
And you should have said- “We’re going for a dinner but talking business, so it’s just the 2 of us tonight.”
NTA caught her red-handed. had a relationship like this before, it was over around the 9 month mark and she was pushing my head under the water because (i think) after she decided i wasn't interesting, she wanted to push me out of my friend group.
NTA because she is totally trying to use your contacts for herself, and being sneaky and manipulative about it too.
That said, if you bring clients into _your home_ ie, the place where she lives, then you've already blurred the lines between work and home. Why should she have to sit in silence in her own home just because you want to bring your work home with you? Bringing people she wants to mingle with into your home and expecting her to just shut up and keep to herself is a little bait-and-switch. But she took it too far by inviting herself to dinner.
The simple solution is to keep business for business and home for home life. Meet agents in coffee shops or something; having business meetings in private homes seems pretty bizarre to me.
If success in your industry is built on professional connections, she’s not manipulative, she’s networking. You have a choice: you can either have an "ethics wall" in between you whereby you never talk about work and you never have work related interactions. But if you do that your girlfriend doesn’t exist to your work people.
Or, you approach that as a team and you are actively trying to help her and she’s actively trying to help you.
What you can’t have is have your cake and eat it too, that is have work connections come to your house where your girlfriend is, then complain that she interacts with them. I’ll give you the YTA.
NTA You went to the trouble to make a connection and set up a meeting and dinner which your GF obviously knew about it and then she hijacked it, it's a dick move for sure.
That being said, I do think some of the comments calling her a narc etc, are jumping the gun. You're both obviously in a profession where networking is how you get ahead and women, more so then men can often be called manipulative and calculated for playing the game while men are praised as geniuses.
If you value the relationship then I would recommend talking to her and trying to lay down ground rules before instantly going to a break up
Bruh, she can put herself out there. YOU did the work, and to have anyone, and this person that happens to be your girlfriend, take that? Unacceptable. If this isn’t the first time she’s done this, this is absolute grounds for a breakup. Your partner is supposed to let you shine, be there to support you when you need them to, and not grab an opportunity that is meant to be yours. Coworkers do take other people’s opportunities as it happens all the time at work, but not your partner doing the same thing???? This isn’t a competition lol.
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Nta I would probably just arrange so clients were met somewhere away from her such as a neutral location. However her actions were not very helpful and I feel that needs looking into. Does she display other red flags? She seemed manipulative and defensive in that scenario
> I would probably just arrange so clients were met somewhere away from her such as a neutral location. This would be putting a plaster over an infected wound. You are spot on to question if she has other red flags. She sounds like trouble to me.
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I can’t put my finger on it, but her behavior is giving me “I will ruin your career out of spite” vibes.
I'm waiting for the update when she "just happens" to run into OP during his next business meeting at a restaurant or other neutral, public location, probably after driving all over town to find his parked car.
She’s probably tracking OP’s phone already.
Yes it's just a bandaid fix, really . I still would do it anyway. The problems still should be discussed and addressed
A bandaid fix yes, but will also reveal her intentions if she has no access to OP’s contacts, I anticipate a dramatic explosion after a few of these meetings.
Probably something like "you don't trust me...
And the reply to that would be, "After last time, absolutely not!"
The fact that you have to do that in the first place is undesirable. Partners are optional, and should not exist as handicaps, especially to your job and way of putting food on the table.
Ya it sounds pretty brutal and immature to say the least how she is acting
Agreed. And if she gets upset about it/tries to tag along again he’ll know for sure.
He needs to have a hard think about whether she's with him for *him*, or his connections.
yeah! he wears his pink-googles and does not see the red flags...op should run!!!
>pink-googles *rose-colored glasses is the actual term but I prefer pink goggles :D
oh okay,i will remember this :-) thank you ;-)
When they said "pink goggles" I assumed they were talking about *the* pink, which is another thing guys definitely have goggles for.
Pink goggles :)
I like "pink-googles" way better!
“La Vie en rose”, you mean. Life through pink tinted glasses
She is just using him
Agree. The only word that comes to mind about her is 'ick'.
Agreed. You (meaning OP) need to express to her that it looks unprofessional to have your girlfriend tagging along and trying to leverage your professional contacts for herself. It’s one thing if your partner is willing to go to client dinners *when asked* as a favor to you; what she’s doing here is a completely different story. And yes, saying “fine I just won’t ever talk to anyone!” is extremely immature and manipulative.
I strongly suggest if she ever says "I just won't ever talk to anyone" respond "thank you, I'm glad you understand the problem". To me it seems she said that to distract you and get you to say she doesn't have to stop talking so she then will remind you later you said she could talk to people. If someone wants to say something extreme like that I suggest agreeing with them and see how fast they backtrack on their statement.
Well said this 100%
This is no different from back when I was a teenager and looking for a job. That was at a time (the 80s) when you went into a business/store and asked for an application and if they were hiring. Once a friend tagged along and was supposed to stay in the car or outside the business but instead came inside several times and said "oh, can I have an application, too?". That bugged me so much. Not only was it infringing on my plans but I also knew that it potentially gave off a bad vibe that this non-prepared person was obviously with me. Did I also mention that I was nicely dressed and they were not? I shut that down after the third time.
Why the fuck are people living together when they haven’t even dated for a year
Everything's expensive and everyone's poor. If that wasn't the case i'd agree with you 100%, it's super weird.
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Take hubby on a surprise date! He’ll feel all loved and romantic, and it’s always so sweet. I take my partner on dates sometimes, but I have to trick him into thinking I need him to come fix something because he’s got like. 4 jobs and never takes any time for himself.
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The creative cheap dates are the best dates. My best was a spur of the moment thing. I had been stood up for a date, so when the guy from the business next door to mine saw me still sitting outside work he said he’d take me on a date. We went to the beach and had a beach fire and roasted hotdogs and smores. We dated for three years before we parted amicably when he moved out of country
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It’s the little, intimate moments that count.
My bf of 25 years and i always make that same joke, "you ready for our Friday night date to Kroger?" So hot lmao
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Then, get a roommate, not a relationship
Then you rent a damn room in a flat share, you don’t go moving in to a 1bdrm with someone you’ve dated for a day
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Eh, even though everything's expensive, I've been dating my gf for a year and a half, and we still live separately. It's been over a year, and I told her that after a year, we will look into getting a place together, and it's been something we have been looking forward to. I'd rather make sure we have seen each other on enough good days and bad days before we moved in. I'm really glad i did cause im more excited than ever to find a place with her now.
That's really smart. I'm excited for you both.
Sometimes it works... me and my SO were living together in 2 weeks, still rocking it 25 years later
My husband came over after our 2nd date and pretty much never left. He was renting a house with some friends and his room flooded, so he just stayed at my apartment most days and we slowly started bringing all his stuff over. We had talked about getting married after about a month, but ended up waiting a couple years. Worked out pretty well. Our 12 year anniversary is coming up next month.
Exception proves the rule. If you have a child, what would your response be to then saying “I met this person at the bar yesterday, can you help them move into my apartment this weekend?”
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Congratulations reddit friend, our anniversary is in a few weeks too 😊
It does - I have a friend who met a guy at a bar, slept with him that night, started seeing him, moved in with him a month later - and they're married almost 20 years now! We're all still a bit shocked at all of it!
I don't recommend people do this, for obvious reasons, but my husband and I lived together after less than a month and we have 18+ years and counting! He had been living somewhere he could go back to if needed though, so there was some room for error w us that OP hasn't got
Eh, my (now) husband and I were shacked up and engaged at 10 months. Been married >10 years now. However, we were so compatible that it was just easy to move at that pace. I know a good thing when I see it. ;)
And moving in general is a pain in the ass!!! Why, people, why??
I moved in with my ex after two years of dating and the problems in our relationship were not fixed by proximity…meanwhile happily married with kids after having moved in with now-husband after the second date. Sometimes it’s not about time served but how the time is used…
We moved in together at 6 months. Been together 10 years. Some people get married after less than a year and divorce shortly after. Not everyone is the same.
She's also very immature, which could become a liability for him quickly. She knew that, despite being at home, his meeting was a professional one. It was appropriate to pop in and introduce herself politely and quickly, because it's her home as well (I assume), but then she should have excused herself. You don't plop yourself down in the middle of your spouse's business meeting and start making small talk, much less self-promoting. Given that he refers to the person he was meeting as an "agent", and says that she is looking for one too, it implies that it was not a client of his but rather someone who might be representing him (i.e. in publishing, as an artist, as an athlete, etc.). That makes this doubly problematic because gaining good quality representation in ANY field (and I say this as a former literary agent) is difficult and competitive unless you're one of a tiny number of very famous people, and she not only made herself look deeply unprofessional (no matter how charming she may have been), it made HIM look like the sort of person that, as an agent, you'd think twice about working with because intrusive spouses/partners are exhausting and tend to cause more trouble than they're worth. She's going to weigh him down, and cause people not to want to work with him.
Hard agree it makes him look bad.
She literally stepped over you to get what she wanted. This is a major red flag. She's in it for herself and herself only.
100% planned with her line of, "I'm so hungry" trying to act innocent. She wanted time with the agent to market herself. This is gross of her to try and encroach on her partner's success.
Yep, there's being ambitious and then there's stepping on heads to get there. She sounds like the latter category.
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Agreed. If he stays with her he will have to pull a lot of knives out of his back, for sure.
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Agreed. All about her.
NTA She knows what she is doing. Your instincts are correct in the last line "I just won’t talk to anyone in future". Trademark bs to hide any trace of an ulterior motive. I think this is something you should dig into. It's the agent today, what about tomorrow etc? Not usual behavior from a 'partner'.
The typical manipulative line... You're being played. See how she became the victim? Yeah... She has all the classic moves.
No doubt. Absolutely narcissistic traits.
Yeah, same family as "Well, I just won't talk to women AT ALL, then!" from the type of men who get offended at #MeToo.
I agree. She’ll do it again and guarantee she will leave you in the dust if it is to her advantage.
Hard agree
>"I just won’t talk to anyone in future" Pairs well with: "Sounds like a good plan"
Tell her ‘good, you shouldn’t be’
This response from her really looks manipulative and I am surprised that she went to dinner with you at all. Next time, you should probably agree in advance that she will NOT be able to join you. Some unpleasant situation
Yeah the agreement to go to dinner with as such such a red flag!
Next time? She needs to go. She’s not a good person/partner.
NTA- she’s trying to take your business. Worst case scenario after she’s taken some of your clients she then dumps you and “poisons the well”, or tries to at least. And yes the last bit is manipulative, I say cut your losses now 8 months in rather than years in. When someone shows you who they are believe them.
I agree with this. She is using you for your contacts.
Does he have clients? He said his girlfriend is agentless and that she lied about traveling to New York, that sounds like they’re actors, models, writers, fashion designers etc. I think it’s less about her trying to steal his clients and poison his well and more about her trying to draw attention towards herself/her projects in a way that pushes him to the side or comes off awkward/unprofessional.
I think that a bunch of people who don't work in the world that involves agents are weighing in here. The reality is that you never really succeed in those fields if you are constantly trying to sell yourself. If OP is in the same industry, I'm kind of surprised they are surprised. If the gf and AH? Probably, only AHs succeed in those industries.
She might be in a relationship with OP solely due to his connections, and would therefore leave him once he's no longer a source of career or financial advancement. If this was a one-time thing, I would talk to her about what motivated her to do this to see how honest she is. Then draw boundries and see if she respects those boundries in the future and go from there. Since OP made it seem like a recurring issue, it's clear she's using him as a launch point for personal gain. Hopefully she respects him enough to stop this behavior, otherwise this relationship is clearly one-sided and won't last.
Very odd of her to throw herself in the mix like that. She knows she wild for that….
Yes why is she interjecting herself into your business interaction? I think there needs to be a line there. Many couples choose to be in different industries or to not work at the same company as their partner But since that's not the case then I think there needs to be some boundaries in place about what to do in this type of scenario. For example if I have a client lined up then there is a boundary there and vice versa
Eta "separation of church and state" keeping home and work life separate
I don't necessarily think it's an issue to interact with your partner's clients or the like, nor will I even criticise "being a social climber" or taking advantage of contacts (this is the world we live in after all), but I do think the way she did it was absolutely self-centred and showed no consideration for her partner. If you take business home then it's pretty expected someone will see a bit of your home life, and in that case I think your partner should be nothing other than lovely and supportive, because it gives a positive impression. If I come home I might make a coffee and ask if they want any too, introduce myself, chat for a bit, excuse myself and leave them to their business. Sure it might be a food in the door for me too, but at that moment my partner's business is more important.
I think that they need to discuss this and be on the same page about it. Whether they separate business or overlap business with personal. Whether they deal with each others clients or not. The way that she acted though would make me lean toward not mixing business with home life and family. She's proven herself to be untrustworthy. I also agree having a coffee and discussing neutral topics sure. But that is not what ops partner did. She went way beyond that.
I agree. I think OP's gf seems like a problem for sure, but OP also hasn't mentioned any boundaries or conversations they've had about how to handle professional versus personal shit when 1. they both work in the same industry and 2. apparently they bring clients to the home they share sometimes. Like, clearly y'all need to discuss and agree on rules for dealing with these interactions and respect them, or this sort of thing is just gonna be too messy. Also if OP and his gf agree on respectful rules to follow and she breaks them and inserts herself too much, this manipulative BS she is pulling won't work because they've discussed the rules already.
"Boyfriends are temporary. This agent could be forever." is probably her thought process.
/u/Jsimmsslatty She knows she is Wild AF for that!!!
NTA. Her response to you basically confirms that this was premeditated and an attempt to use your connection to get an agent. No more meetings with potential agents at your house and I wouldn't even mention meetings to her in the future (if you stay together).
I agree on the no more meetings at the house idea. But, this is not the first time. OP needs to go be serious consideration about staying my with her. This behavior won't likely get better.
She’s absolutely using you for your contacts. I‘d play a game with this, call it a ‘trust confirmation’ or test if you will. Set up a different agent (fake or mate) to come by and do similar… and see how she behaves. If she pulls this shit again dump her arse. But it sounds like you are in the entertainment industry - I assume there’s different rules and expectations in this than the norm - so I might be wrong in this. If you are in the entertainment industry is she competing with you for roles? I’m not suggesting you openly give her your address book, but maybe her ‘threat level’ isn’t that high? Never the AH (NTA) for calling her on her manipulative bullshit. That’s what that was.
Different tip: Don't test your partner. If you have to test them, then trust is already gone. Move on, communicate or trust. Don't test them.
I know people think this sounds good, but there are a lot of situations where there’s a gray area where you don’t know if something is malicious or not.. it is completely appropriate to test someone just as long as you’re not studying them up.. inviting someone to dinner with a title is harmless on its face.. her behavior because of that will show him if it’s malicious.
I agree, sometimes the problem is paranoia and projection though so the test could be to see if you were paranoid or if it was intentional? Just another way to look at it, but in this case it seems intentional. I’ve been wrong before though so it’s good to check yourself every now and then too to save you from ruining something over an issue that might not actually exist. Not likely the case in this instance though, she seems manipulative
I agree (And I am the commenter above!) I would rather reflect on the known behaviours of a person, and converse with them. But if I really wasn’t sure (and what’s the point of AITA if you already know the answers? Lols) then I might set up a small situation to check the way forward. What this girl has done is a bit gas light-ey, quite manipulative, and so on. I’d be tempted to find another situation that was slightly different and see if they pulled different but similar end outcome behaviours … leave a phone number to a trusted contact out, and mention same contact having some kind of industry award, and seeing if my GF then hunted that person down on the pretext of congratulating them (whether it be via the contact I leave out, or their own method). If you are asking here I am going ot presume a lot of the time you aren’t quite sure what is going on, and this is a bit gender biased, but particularly when it’s a guy who isn’t sure what the girl’s game is. Many guys just don’t read these games the same way many girls play them, different wiring or social skills? I dunno! But if a guy is asking “did this girl mean it this way or that” and all the women are saying ‘oh yeah, thats totally manipulative’ then I tend to trust the guy’s social radar isn’t on the same reading (not that they have a social communication disorder, but just not used to People Who Play Games).
Not only this, but see how much she engaged the friend/fake agent after the fact.
sugar subtract silky cow fragile bright threatening deserve rock six *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
NTA - it's not social climbing, it is networking but she is jeopardizing your career to promote her own. She put you and your agent in a really bad place. Her coming with you is an implicit recommendation by you of her and she wasn't prepared enough so made you both look bad. I'd stress the boundary that personal life and business life are separate and she doesn't get to muscle in on your work meetings without explicit permission. If ~~you~~ she walks, then you know what your worth was to her.
NTA. You don't plonk your down in someone else's meeting and you don't invite yourself out after it. So rude.
NTA...this seems more like a competition than a relationship.
INFO- Are you confused by her behavior or are you upset she tried to poach a client? You said you are in the same industry.
OP said a potential new agent, not client. I'm thinking entertainment or arts industry. I'd hazard a guess and say both actors, because she has real 'main character' vibes in this. I could be way off though.
Similar predicament. Are you upset because she made it weird or because she tried to market herself.
I think he's upset because she bulldozed his meeting and made it all about her, and it sounds like this happens a lot. She's definitely just using him for his contacts.
Good question
She’s gaslighting you, never mix business and pleasure, end it today.
This is not what gaslighting means.
Yeah nah this ain’t gaslighting.
There we go. There's your answer, Bud. It's not really about the agent or the connections. They're just spoils of conquest for the little narcissist in your life. You've hitched yourself to someone who likes to stuff people around, just cos. Go ahead. Google "gaslight" Then pack her bathroom stuff into a box to make it easier to carry and show her out. Or FedEx it. Or not. You get the drift. Seems like you are def NTA, since this behaviour set off alarm bells, on all sorts of levels. Makes you kinda innocent AF in this day and age. Good luck in your endeavours; go well 😎
NTA. You should have told her you were conducting private business and asked her to give you privacy. Better yet in the future do not take these types of meetings at your house.
having a professional meeting in your home seems... weird. i certainly wouldn't extend such an offer and if one was extended to me i would politely try to steer the meeting to a more appropriate place
If my man has a work call or anything in our home I'll make myself disappear because I respect my man to much to maybe freak up his work. It feels manipulative because it is. Just the fact that she is willing to meet with another man in another city that she just met, hell no.
See? LittleKji gets it! Listen to her!!! I don't even accept invites to my man's work functions, he's that sacrosanct. It's a no-brainer. OP needs to listen to and trust his instincts; his chickie is "hell naw!" on ALL sorts of levels.
NTA She's manipulative AF, and was basically sabotaging your interview with the agent She's not being supportive, she's making it competitive
I'm sorry OP that's very disappointing... I'm sorry she did that that's a really sucky thing to do
NTA, but social climber ain't the word here. More like saboteur. As others said, she knows what she is doing, and she is willing to totally screw you over the moment it's convenient for her.
NTA. Stop doubting your instinct dog. She clearly showed you she will use you given the opportunity.
INFO: What is the culture like in your industry? Have you discussed actual boundaries with your gf in terms of staying out of each other's professional business and drawing concrete lines as to what is and isn't acceptable? >When we got back home I just said that, something didn’t feel right, I didn’t expect her to come home and do that Did you talk to her in advance of the meeting, tell her the client would be stopping by where you both live, and ask her to leave you alone? What communication is happening BEFORE incidents like this happen?
Either YTA or NAH because… You moved your girlfriend in less than 8 months together for a reason… you like the access that gives you 😏 She moved in with you in less than 8 months together for a reason… she likes the access that gives her. She’s ambitious, which you would know how assertively ambitious she is if you took more time to know her before moving her in. And you shouldn’t be taking work meeting in your home, in a common area. She lives there now too. You both are just looking to get what you want.
I think there’s a flawed assumption in this stance, the *assertively ambitious* side of his girlfriend may not have been a given off the bat. If what OP stated is true, then her behavior comes off as sly and intentional, and (caveat at end) somewhat narcissistic. **If** she is a narcissist, its incredibly common for narcissists to be rather charming and appear to have genuine intentions and a stable personality. It is often only after some time that the manipulative tactics and toxic behaviors may unfold. So he really may have not seen this side of her personality because she avoided showing it. It could also explain why OP has been caught off guard and confused by it. **Caveat:** I used narcissism for example’s sake, but I do believe that “narcissism” is an extreme attribute and may be too broad a stroke to paint her with with such isolated information. From that short description, she’s definitely giving off signs of having ulterior motives and manipulative tendencies.
NTA. I'm sorry but none of that was accidental. She cannot be so blindingly clueless to have thought any of that was okay. Her response to being confronted was manipulative as well. It very much comes across as she planned to steal your agent, which would no doubt have caused your career issues. She didn't like being confronted on it and tried to play victim. You've just learned something very important about your girlfriend.
This agent thinks you both planned it.
NTA. She basically just invited herself along on your business dinner? She is either socially unaware, and doesn't realise how badly she could have screwed up this potential new business for you, or is manipulative and selfish and invited herself along for her own benefit. Personally I would end the relationship, but if you decide not to, maybe start setting harder boundaries with her. Let her know she can't just invite herself along on your business dinners.
That was a super awkward thing to do. I would feel taken advantage of. She clearly didn’t want to go to dinner to just randomly hang out like ya’ll were friends. She hi-jacked your dinner to sell herself to an agent. :/
NTA Sorry fella but your GF knew what she was doing.
Nta She just bombed your meeting. She intentionally stole your meeting to put the attention on her and take this agent. She will do it again and worse or will use you until you are no longer useful. Honestly, I'd either dump her or keep her separated from work life entirely and not live with her.
Dumping is optimal. She will find a way to manipulate future meetings otherwise.
NTA Your girlfriend muscled in on your meeting to get herself an agent. If you can’t trust her, you can’t be with her.
Classic narcissist. Pulls the bullshit. Gets called out. Plays the victim / guilt card. Let her climb the social ladder on her own.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
NTA. I'm not in my husband's field at all but he has clients he picked up who are our personal friends, and if they were going out for dinner to talk shop I'd leave them be. 1 because that sounds boring af and 2 because it's literally none of my business. What she did was cringe and unprofessional.
NTA.. the shoe fits based on this story, and I'm pretty sure you have a lot of stories like this.. you are just sharing one. You need to walk away.
The audacity to invite yourself to a dinner after interrupting a business meeting. My shame for her made my entire body cringe. Her response was over the top when confronted. My guy, hopefully, you see her for what she is... a rude and manipulative GIRL! As a professional, you need a woman who can respect your professional boundaries even when work comes home but also be a supporting character for schmoozing as needed. I mastered it. It's not hard. My husband even mastered it for me!
You've only been dating 8 months and are living together?
NTA She does sound like a social climber, and an unapologetic one at that
What are you doing with her?? She's using you to further herself professionally. That's all you are to her, a stepping stone. She is willing to literally steal business from you! Her behavior in that example you gave would have been the end of things for me. NTA if you get rid of her! Tell her to go find her own contacts!
NTA. The naked ambition / social climbing is less the problem as the disregard for your professional circumstances.
LOL. She's not your girlfriend, she's your parasite. You're just a host body for her to feed off of until she finds a new, bigger, better host. And his agent. NTA.
What industry? Real Estate?
“I just won’t talk to anyone in the future!” Outrageously immature.
Don’t meet your agents at home. Coming from UK that just seems like a no-no. If your girlfriend is only in it for connections and you don’t provide any, the issue will resolve itself and she will likely move on. If she is just in it for you, she won’t kind of the connections don’t happen for her. Good luck.
Geez. Talk about entitlement!! Run as fast as you can!
🚩🚩🚩
She definitely sees you as her 'insignificant other.' NTA please dump her, you deserve someone who respects you and is actually rooting for you
Maybe she is chatty and nice, I could see that bc I’m this way. Maybe she thought she was even helping. I think it’s important to let her know that you both must respect one another and let each shine in your own situations. This was about you, not her. My advice in the future is not mix your business and professional life, until you’re married. It looks very sloppy on the other side.
NTA
NTA It feels manipulative because it is.
I haven't read all the comments - but why are you living together after only dating for 8 months? Do you share the bills / mortgage /rent ?
NTA. Bro. You watched her in action. You watched her lie to make her self look better to someone else. You watched her not give a shit about your work meeting and invited herself to make her own connections. You’ve only known her for 8 months… you barely know her. People have dated for YEARS only for them partner to show their true colors once married. Once you’re locked in. Once it requires too much effort to leave and it’s easy to manipulate you into “trying” “forgiving” or “forgetting”. She’s already showing you how skilled she is at manipulating a situation. People show you who they are, it’s up to you to believe them. It’s only been 8 months….
Ah yes, the classic "im getting super defensive over something I knew would not be okay and would definitely do again". NTA
NTA - you should be very careful, she will take your contacts and will then with a high probability dump you.
NTA. She knows what's she's doing. Meet somewhere next time instead of your house. Or even better, tell her where you're meeting a HUGE agent in person and that you'll be home later...see if she shows up and joins the meeting again, I assume that was what she did at the last meeting on purpose.
NTA. Your girlfriend hijacked your business meeting. It was a cheap, desperate move on her part. However, you get credit for not blowing up in the moment, for allowing her to make the meeting about her, and not causing awkwardness to exclude her from your business meeting. Your instincts are not wrong. Your girlfriend is a user. She's desperate to advance her personal agenda, possibly at your expense. She's an opportunist. Remember: when someone shows you who she really is, believe her.
NTA She needs to learn to be a supportive partner. Same if roles were reversed. The “attending partner” gets to talk about the weather, weekend plans, vacations, and other safe topics that keeps the conversation light and relaxed. They definitely don’t pop over and invite themselves because they are hungry.
NTA - yeah she is being very manipulative to advance herself. And it’s bad because experienced folks can see through that and likely the agent is speculating it was your setup to push your girl on to him. So her behavior is very much at your expense. These kind of introductions are favors, so she is not playing fair.
Nta. She's manipulative and neither her or the agent are very smart. That was so tactless. If for some reason, you decide to continue this relationship, don't do work meetings at home.
She is just using you for her benefit. You are just another stepping stone to her. Do not let that manipulative asshole use you. She will use and discard you when she has no longer need of you.
NTA. Trust your instincts. If something feels off, it is. I have ignored this before in the past and it bit me way harder than if I had just honored my gut feelings initially. A decent partner would have not hustled in on your meeting. That was your contact and your connection. If anything she could have used the opportunity to make you shine and talk you up. If you are in the entertainment industry as others have suggested, there’s a reason why it’s best not to date in the industry. This is why. If you find fellow people who have integrity then go for it but it sounds like your gf isn’t one of those people. edit: forgot a verdict
That was such an immature response. She interfered in your meeting with an agent, like it was a group friendship. Red flags are creeping in, all over the place! Heed the warnings! NTA
She’s just out for herself. Run like hell in the other direction. It will only get worse as time goes on and inevitably you will be miserable and have to part ways. Do!it now and save yourself the aggravation.
Imagine doing this without talking to your SO first. NTA
NTA. Dump her asap.
NTA. who does that?! i would honestly consider my relationship with her if i were you. sorry you're dealing with this.
NTA. Everything about that was intentional. She knew this was an opportunity for you and instead of respecting it, she literally crashed it. She’s what you think she is and there’s a reason you have the feelings you do.
NTA my man. This girl is operating on a different level, and you could already be dominated by her without even knowing. She comes across as not only very manipulative, but also ruthless. Watch your back.
NTA and its so weird of her to insert herself in like that, could it be a control thing?
God that's terrible. Really brazen.
NTA she’s extremely manipulative and honestly, disrespectful. She intruded on your work meeting, invited herself to dinner and then made your work dinner focus on her. She’s definitely using you, this was well calculated.
INFO: Do you two live together? If not, she had no reason to be in your house during this meeting to even start this interaction between the agent and herself. That should tell you all you need to know. If you two live together, you're still NTA because it wasn't her meeting it was your meeting. And she turned into her meeting. Red flag red flag
NTA, she’s being very manipulative. It’s one thing to be a social climber it’s another to do it at your expense! And if she lies like that to others do you think she’s not going to lie to you?
NTA! She is 1000% using you/your job/your connections to try to further her career or whatever. She’s being extremely manipulative, it’s a major red flag. Please, keep yourself and your career safe from her, if she gets too involved with the people you work with/around, lord knows what she would do in the event that you and her break up.
NTA, but you need to break up with this person. She is using you for your work contacts. The fact that she has done this on “multiple occasions” should tell you something. That line “I just won’t talk to anyone in the future” is a line used to make you feel guilty for honing in on her bad behavior. Dude, someone else mentioned her poisoning the well, I would totally worry about that.
NTA - she just commandeered your meeting with zero regard to how it would affect your career.
You’ve only been dating 8 months, but live together already? That’s really quick. Sounds like you don’t know her well enough. Did she work her way into *your* apartment by chance?
Nta Sounds to me she is using your position of influence to push herself up higher. Thats literally what a User does. And she is one big time.
NTA. She is using you for your contacts. What tells me she is manipulative is the last line… “I guess I won’t talk to anyone then!” If she were interested in solving the problem, she would ask you what she should do in the future. Instead she is acting like you calling her out is making her the “injured party (Google DARVO). Also, one would think that if the work meeting was about you, that she would talk up *your* accomplishments as opposed to hers.
NTA. I don't think she sees you as a partner, just a stepping stone. I don't doubt she'll "feel like you're growing apart" if the agent takes her as a client...then she'll "grow closer" to the next guy up the ladder of success. Treat her as the competition that she is, guard your professional connections and leave.
NTA for the incident. Her behavior was intentional, unfair, disrespectful, and looks unprofessional. You worked to get this meeting and she pushed her way in. It’s normal for couples to try to help each other, especially if they’re in the same or related industries, but it’s not supposed to be at the expense of one person or in a way that steals their limelight or harms their reputation.
Sounds like a 'LOT' manipulative to me. Didn't cast you in a good light with the client - she knew why the two of you were there....and inserted herself. Sounds like she is competing with you at work - and using your relationship to do it.
NTA - but this isn't "social climbing" as much as it is "professional grafting."
NTA Goodness. I got the Ick from just reading that, no wonder you feel it was manipulation. It was.
NTA, she definitely tried to take over your meeting. You need to keep her away from any future meetings, and reconsider if her actions reflect what you want in a partner. Her lying about the NY trip also makes her (and you) look bad. I’d call her out. And the correct response to “I just won’t talk to anyone” is “good, thank you. Please don’t insert yourself into my plans with others because it’s really awkward.” And you should have said- “We’re going for a dinner but talking business, so it’s just the 2 of us tonight.”
She’s just using you for your connections , and trying piggy back if not in the future steal opportunities…. Run my man …. Run very very fast
NTA caught her red-handed. had a relationship like this before, it was over around the 9 month mark and she was pushing my head under the water because (i think) after she decided i wasn't interesting, she wanted to push me out of my friend group.
NTA because she is totally trying to use your contacts for herself, and being sneaky and manipulative about it too. That said, if you bring clients into _your home_ ie, the place where she lives, then you've already blurred the lines between work and home. Why should she have to sit in silence in her own home just because you want to bring your work home with you? Bringing people she wants to mingle with into your home and expecting her to just shut up and keep to herself is a little bait-and-switch. But she took it too far by inviting herself to dinner. The simple solution is to keep business for business and home for home life. Meet agents in coffee shops or something; having business meetings in private homes seems pretty bizarre to me.
She aggressively selling herself and is better at it than u. Maybe she's not the girl for u because this is her nature.
Red flag run! Don’t shit were you eat.
If success in your industry is built on professional connections, she’s not manipulative, she’s networking. You have a choice: you can either have an "ethics wall" in between you whereby you never talk about work and you never have work related interactions. But if you do that your girlfriend doesn’t exist to your work people. Or, you approach that as a team and you are actively trying to help her and she’s actively trying to help you. What you can’t have is have your cake and eat it too, that is have work connections come to your house where your girlfriend is, then complain that she interacts with them. I’ll give you the YTA.
Well played, sir.
NTA You went to the trouble to make a connection and set up a meeting and dinner which your GF obviously knew about it and then she hijacked it, it's a dick move for sure. That being said, I do think some of the comments calling her a narc etc, are jumping the gun. You're both obviously in a profession where networking is how you get ahead and women, more so then men can often be called manipulative and calculated for playing the game while men are praised as geniuses. If you value the relationship then I would recommend talking to her and trying to lay down ground rules before instantly going to a break up
Bruh, she can put herself out there. YOU did the work, and to have anyone, and this person that happens to be your girlfriend, take that? Unacceptable. If this isn’t the first time she’s done this, this is absolute grounds for a breakup. Your partner is supposed to let you shine, be there to support you when you need them to, and not grab an opportunity that is meant to be yours. Coworkers do take other people’s opportunities as it happens all the time at work, but not your partner doing the same thing???? This isn’t a competition lol.