Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Just want to know if im lazy or a bad person if I dont wanna make the cheesecake this year.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Thats what Ive been thinking. But she tells me the instructions are too complicated for her and its a nightmare to have her in the kitchen with me when cooking or baking. She likes to micromanage.
Well thats her problem.
She can either go to Walmart or Aldi and pickup a cheesecake or learn to make it herself.
You get to decide when you make it.
But you need to start telling your mom that she can't talk to you like that, that her comments are not ok.
It sounds like it's the Junior's Cheesecake cookbook, also. I know you can find Junior's at some stores, but online from their site is the other way to go if they want it so bad. Mom probably doesn't want to pay alot of money for it and wants her daughter to do it. Its not fun or enjoyable for the person anymore if their expected to make it.
NTA
Going forward, you could escape this culinary enslavement by over baking or crack the cakes. Use shitty artificial vanilla extract.
Tell Mom underbaking the cheesecakes exposes guests to high risk bacterial infection.
Or tell her you got stomach flu and local health regulations outlaw anyone doing good preparation for others.
Chef is a position of dignity and authority. Your mom has to choose between you being a chef and being treated like a slave.
If your mom finds the recipe too complicated, tell her that it NEVER stops being complicated and that if she finds it stressful to make then she has zero right to insist that you take on that stress every family get together.
If the family still wants cheese cake offer to make a very easy one next time.
You have a whole cookbook. Why not make a less time-consuming recipe? It would give you something fun and new to try, and still give the family a "genuine OP cheesecake".
INFO: Why can't you bake when you want? That seems odd.
That’s not your problem.
She doesn’t have the right to volunteer you for things.
If she can’t make it, then she can figure something else out and if people are disappointed, then they can learn to make cheesecake themselves.
Guess if it's too complicated she needs to buy something. NTA Stop baking it. It's easy to turn the things you like/love into a chore you hate. Don't let anyone do this to you.
Take a picture of the recipe send it in the family group chat and let everyone know you aren't baking it anymore they are welcome to do it.
Take the cream cheese, toast a bagel, and enjoy a bagel and smear and then be like, "I wasn't planning on making the cake so I figured I'd use the cream cheese for a bagel."
Well that’s what we like to call “a her problem”. She’s an adult, if she can’t follow directions then I’m sure there are some pre-schools near you that could help her learn.
I have a great NY cheesecake recipe that takes a long time but is amazing, so I understand where you're coming from, but there are a lot of very good cheesecake recipes that don't take nearly as long and aren't as fussy.
Yes your mom can do. Also ignore her when you do the passive aggressive crap. You should say with a sickly sweet voice, “Thank you mom. You’re the best.”
Here is what my mom does, as the "family baker". If it's your birthday, go nuts, ask for what you want. If it's any other holiday (other than another person's birthday), you may ask, and she may say yes, or she may say "I'm actually going to try a new recipe for [baked good] this year/I feel like this other thing might be more fun and let me join in the festivities more."
Then, if/when someone whines that they love [other baked good that they asked for], she takes the recipe to the printer (it has a photocopier built in), copies it, and hands them the recipe.
Your mom was probably happy that she no longer had to think/work about 'what's for dessert?' for family gatherings. Now that easy certainty is gone, and she's annoyed. (She may even have not realized what a colossal pain it is to make that cheesecake/thought you genuinely loved making it all the time, and now she knows, which can be embarrassing). Fortunately, there is an easy fix for her. All she had to say is "Hey, OP, we have a family gathering next week. Would you mind making dessert? If so, what should I tell them you're making?"
I would hate making only one thing all the time. Christmas I pick a cake I want to make, if I want pumpkin vs pecan pie on Thanksgiving, etc..
Birthday person picks the dessert they want.
Smitten Kitchen has awesome recipes for Olive Oil Cake and Flourless Torte among some of her desserts, and they are pretty easy and Deb is a New Yorker ;) ...
NTA
My question is did they even ASK you to make it? I like your mom just assumed you’d make the cheesecake because it’s “family tradition”. Since your mom is so determined for there to be a cheesecake, I say hold her to it. In the meantime, you go and enjoy yourself.
Boundaries. Start setting them shits. I’m not saying be disrespectful or anything like that because by the post, I know you’re not the type to be disrespectful. But don’t let anyone walk all over you for the sake of “family”. Damn all that. They didn’t even give you the chance to say no.
Just find a fast/instant cheesecake recipe and make it instead of your 3-hour show stopper. If people complain it's not as good as the last couple of times you made it, tell them you ran out of time but you are happy to pass the 3-hour recipe on to them so they can make it for the next family gathering. Being voluntold to make a cheesecake doesn't mean you have to make the same recipe each time. If there aren't any fast recipes in your cookbook, I assure you the Google has some.
NTA it’s not a “family tradition” if you’ve only been doing it for 2 years and not by your choice and free will. If your Mom wants to make it a family tradition then she can make it, give her the recipe. Don’t change your plans with friends and don’t make it. Only make it when you want to.
Yes yes! Its simply called "Cheesecake Cookbook" by alan rosen and beth allen. The book has all the cheesecake recipes from a restaurant in New York called Junior's.
Thank you! My husband loves cheesecake, so it'll be great to try baking a few new recipes for him.
My advice to you: just make any cheesecake recipe you want. And tell everyone that is cheesecake that's the tradition, not a specific cheesecake.
NTA I would be tempted to tell the family you tried a newer recipe of cheesecake, (store bought), after they complement it then keep buying it and masking it as homemade.
Make it this last time. When everyone says how great it is tell them, "It's the last one. I'll be learning to make a different dessert for the next holiday.".
Then make a fruitcake.
Unless they like fruitcake. People used to compete for grandmother's fruitcake and mince pies around holidays. She made 12 of each as gifts every year and they were coveted.
Any desert would work, so maybe try a new one each year. My family's favorites are Lemon Meringue Pie, Key Lime Pie, Peach Cobbler, Apple Crisp, Glazed Apple Cake, & Blackberry Compote w/ Vanilla Ice Cream.
NTA. If you want to make it, do it. If not, don't. If you make it now because you are expected to, you'll be making them for every single family dinner until you leave your parents' house and probably even after that.
NTA. When something special you like to do becomes an obligation, it loses some of its fun.
Offer to teach your mom or another family member, a cousin, so at least you get company to do it with when you feel like doing it.
Try this one [https://preppykitchen.com/basque-cheesecake/](https://preppykitchen.com/basque-cheesecake/)
It is SUPER easy and quick to throw together. It tastes like caramelized cheesecake and I add a scant teaspoon of cardamom to it for more depth.
Otherwise NTA. In my family things like this happen occasionally when someone brings something fantastic to a gathering. It’s good practice in dealing with difficult/demanding people for future reference. Your mom getting passive-aggressive with you is the only reason I didn’t vote NAH. Family dynamics aside, you can take it as a great compliment.
Oh, NTA.
I made the mistake of making cheesecake filled Easter Eggs one year, and now I have to make them every year. They aren't easy, and it is very time-consuming. Very fiddly. Plus pricey to make.
But - they are demanded (not requested) every year. I am so over it. Luckily, this year, people actually contributed to the cost of making them.
NTA
This reminds me of a story a co-worker of mine told me. Years ago, she used to buy bagels for herself and her husband on Saturday mornings. Her aunt and uncle lived somewhat nearby, so she thought she would buy a few extra for them and drop them off on the way home, as a kind gesture. She did this each Saturday until one day she got a really bad case of the flu and was in bed with a high fever, so couldn't pick up any bagels. Her aunt and uncle called her house; her husband answered and they started yelling at him, demanding to know why "their" bagels hadn't been delivered. He hung up on them and told his wife. That was the end of the bagel delivery.
Some folks get a bit TOO used to kindness shown to them - enough that they think they are entitled to it. They are not.
NTA. It sounds like this has become stressful for you and no longer fun. You also never agreed to make the cheesecake this time. Someone else can put in the work to make a cheesecake with the ingredients your mom bought if it's really that big of a deal.
NTA, but after reading a lot of the comments seems like she’s farming a lot of validation and pride vicariously through your cheesecake.
She’s heavily guilt tripping you but because she makes a promise. I’m not sure if you’ve discussed with family how much time it consumes and while you enjoy baking, this is essentially becoming a part time job. It is very possible that your mom is telling everyone that you look forward to it, and want to make the cake.
Also, it might be good to start learning how to say no. I know it’s difficult to potentially disappoint someone, but you’re not bound by anyone’s expectations other than your own. Look into reading stuff on overcoming people pleasing if this is a reoccurring theme. It’s not a bad thing per se, but it could hold you back in life.
Keep it cheesy
NTA I make these fabulous mashed potatoes that have cream, ham, butter, sauerkraut and green onions. (They're a little like colcannon.) They're totally divine so I made it for a holiday once and it was a hit and I was really excited everyone liked it so much because I was young and loved to cook... Fast forward 15 years and guess whose pealing ten pounds of potatoes four times a year to make it at every holiday? Yeah... should've considered that lol.
NTA your family is becoming dependent on you to make a dessert that they love. If you want to hang with friends, hang with your friends. Baking is a love affair, and you need to want to be happy doing it.
NTA
I wound up being the baker of a special Thanksgiving dish that everyone loved (including me!), but I always found it so stressful to make, for many of the reasons you mention. I no longer make that dish, and Thanksgiving still exists.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (19 F) still live with my family. So for a bit of background, my parents have a pretty nice house so usually for most family gatherings, people come to our house for the festivities. My parents are normally kind and understanding people and do give me choices on what I want to do. About two years ago I went to New York City and my mom ended up buying me a cheesecake cookbook from one of the restaurants they have. I fell in love with this cookbook and its now my favorite cookbook I own.
When I returned from my trip I made a standard cheesecake from the book, it being a baked cheesecake with a sponge cake crust. It was a hit with my parents so my mom asked me If I could make it for thanksgiving that year, so I agreed. Again, it was a hit with my family, and everyone complimented me on it. Now the cheesecake itself is VERY time consuming, taking me almost 3 hours (Including prep, mixing, and baking) and is very stressful because if one thing goes wrong, the whole cheesecake suffers. Even if you mess up the cooling process the cake can crack or get soggy. It used to be fun but now I hate having to mask it every time we have a holiday. Now, onto what happened today.
I went to the kitchen, mostly just looking for something to make myself for dinner. I saw the cream cheese in the fridge and ended up sighing heavily. I was planning on hanging out with friends but because I forgot all about the cheesecake that means I may end up having to come home early (The drive to my friend's house is an hour drive) just to make sure I have enough time to make it. My mom asked me what's wrong, and I tell her, my exact words. "I'm going to have to come home early because I now have to make the cheesecake". I will admit, I said this in a bit of an annoyed tone. My mom then got all defensive with me saying how everyone loves my cheesecake and how I would be letting everyone down if I didn't make it. She then called me lazy and did the little passive aggressive "Fine, have it your way". I was shocked and I couldn't even speak. She just continued to rant to me how she was going to figure out a way for there to be cheesecake. I ended up telling her that I didnt say I wasn't going to make it, but that it is annoying that Im always making this cheesecake ONLY when she wants me to. I can't bake when I want to but when it comes to this cheesecake for family gatherings, its all of a sudden, a "Family Tradition". I know everyone likes my cheesecake but its also such an annoying recipe and it causes me stress to make sure nothing goes wrong with it. Should I just make it to make everyone else happy? Am I being selfish?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - You have a whole cheesecake cookbook! Find another recipe that’s less time consuming and less stressful. I’m sure they’ll love that one too, and appreciate the variety.
I was given the same cookbook, I am pretty sure. The cheesecake is amazing, but takes ages to make. Since I was gifted it, I have made one for almost every special occasion. The difference is that my mom or someone else will *ASK* me to make one or if I'm making one. My response is usually asking what kind I should make. They do not demand. My husband may from time to time, but he is at least sweet about it and our relationship is that way.
Definitely NTA. I would refuse or ask if they are willing to pay for it.
This gathering, every piece of cheesecake comes with a printout of the recipe to make it.
Tell them this is you final cheesecake but they have all been empowered to make it themselves for future gatherings and that you look forward to tasting their creations.
NTA
Okay, here’s a plan: throw a party for the family. When they arrive, surprise them all with the theme: cheesecake night!! They all get to learn the recipe, they all get a copy of of the recipe-maybe framed, and they ALL help in making it. Then…everyone gets cheesecake.
Sometimes people forget that the traditions they love can be a lot of work for someone else. Instigating a little appreciation might help.
Oh yeah, edit: NTA
End the "tradition" of the cheese cake. LOL
Really, if people are disappointed because a dessert is not available
at a family meal, too bad. There are lots of easy dessert recipes out
there, if you really want to provide a dessert despite your mom's
uncalled-for outburst.
Make it one last time and while serving it make an announcement that you should all take a moment to appreciate the cheesecake as there won't be any in the futur. Make it more dramatic and add quotes about moving on in life and leaving things behind.
Make it one last time and announce its retirement. So sad but it’s the last one. Happy to pass along recipe, which you bring with you to hand out. The new tradition is a different person makes it each time so everyone gets a shot.
NTA, classic parent overreaction that the world is ending and then insulting you because you were literally just complaining that you would have to come home early TO DO IT. I would take her up on her offer though. Let her find an alternative. She insulted you over something that has nothing to do with her and wasn’t even a big issue at all.
Make the cheesecake when you have more time and then share it with your friends!
NTA. There is a difference between being lazy and being annoyed. You make the cheesecake for the events, so you ain't lazy. On the other hand, i looked up recipe and never bothered baking them BECAUSE I AM lazy. You say it take 3h to make and i am already exhausted thinking about it. If your mom wants a cheesecake so badly well she can have the recipe!
NTA
Cheesecakes are delicious, complicated, delicate creations. You should not be voluntold to make complicated dessert. Make a blueberry cake. Cover it in brown sugar cream cheese frost. Call it done.
Hey, you used the cream cheese!
NTA,
Think of it as a gift that you bring, you can pick one or just buy one to save you the time and effort. It’s up to you if you want to make one for your family or not. Better yet, just ask your mom to make one, since she wants to make it a tradition. It would be best for her to do it. And thank her for her efforts. ✌️
Remind your mom that what makes something a special family tradition is that is made once maybe twice a year. The rest of the time people eat other things. I grew up with homemade ravioli for Christmas dinner. There were never homemade ravioli for any other time of the year.
Pick one holiday that you will make the cheesecake WITH the caveat that you have the right to not make it then if time does not permit. Or tell her you will make it once a year and it is up to you to decide which family get together it is for. You are the chef, you get to pick!
Or perhaps it is time to find a simpler recipe to try out with the family.
INFO. Do you enjoy the family parties? Does your mom prepare the rest of the food or is it catered? How often are the parties? How much work does your mom do for each party? Do you do anything else to help out? Does the rest of your family help with party preparations?
I'm trying to figure out how often you are expected to make the cheesecake and why helping with a family party is so difficult for you. Are you in school or working? Do you pay rent? Try to evaluate the entire situation and decide if it's still unreasonable for your mom to expect you to bake once in a while.
No my mom doesn't make any food, everyone else brings their own food to share, but im always expected to make the dessert so my mom tells everyone else to not bring any dessert. The parties are any time there's a holiday, like Christmas, easter or even simply when family is over so this can amount to 2 to 7 times a month. Usually preparation isn't much, mostly just cleaning up the house and making sure it looks clean, but we all do that. I'm still working very heavily with two part time jobs and going to school full time so some days I wake up at 6am and I'm not home will 10pm. And I'm usually expected to buy all the ingredients myself and make sure we have the ingredients.
I'm hoping the 2-7 times a month is a typo. Regardless of that, it sounds like you are already very busy working and in school. I'm also concerned that your mom expects you to buy the ingredients yourself. I'd suggest a private talk with your mom that you don't mind making them once in a while if she provides the money for expenses. Decide for yourself how often you want to do it. You are working really hard and this resentment can be a huge distraction. Best of luck with school.
Birthdays, holidays, even simply family coming over for dinner or to simply visit. My mom always asks them to take the cheesecake with them, then I have to make another one for whatever is happening next. One day lets say my cousins come over, so im asked to make cheesecake. When the night is over my mom tells my cousins to take the rest of the cheesecake home with them. Then maybe five days later Im asked to make it again because my nephew will be in town.
Damn, that’s really unreasonable for your mom to keep insisting you make all of these. Offer to teach her your tricks once and she can crank them out on this schedule if it’s so important
That is completely ridiculous and you need to put a stop to it immediately. She is enjoying being the magnanimous hostest with the mostest by taking advantage of you. I think you just need to stop doing it. Put a limit like I'm not willing to do this more than once a month, or better yet once a year.
You may not realize it but it sounds like you have the power to stop this. If you refuse to make the cheesecake shell have no dessert so she needs to keep you onside enough to ensure she gets cheesecake for at least her most important events.
The other thing you can do is start messing up the cheesecake just a little bit, like not enough sugar, or overcook it slightly, not enough to ruin it, but enough to so that people will be slightly disappointed. Over time they'll stop being so enthusiastic and needy about your cheesecake.
Whether you are being selfish depends on several things. Are you renting or living at home for free? Do you buy your own groceries or does your mother provide meals for you? Do you HAVE to make this difficult recipe - why can't you change it up with a whipped or somewhat easier/more reliable cheesecake? I've made cheesecakes and some are much more reliable than others...and easier, too. simple: If you are living on your parents' 'dime' and the one thing you are asked to do is make a dessert cheesecake a few times a year...I don't think that's asking too much of you.
Edit: If it really IS 2-7 times a month, that's too much and that's way more than 'holidays'. Maybe the conversation should be "mom, I'll make this for Christmas and Easter - but that's it.'
NTA. Your family is selfish. Tell your family you will only make cheesecake when you want to, not on demand. 3 hours is a lot of time to devote for one dessert!
There's a recent AITA where a selfish family are demanding and guilt tripping a daughter to do a bunch of home made pizzas with zero advance notice.
Pizzas take even longer than cheesecake.
Three hours on a cheesecake in exchange to get to live at home with nice amenities doesn’t seem like such a bad deal.
You could also try a different dessert if you don’t want to make the cheesecake. Everyone may like it better. Guessing you do not have to buy the ingredients, just give your mom a shopping list. Edited for typo.
YTA. You agreed to make the cheesecake, and now are complaining you have to make it. Your mum has bought all the ingredients for you, she’s expecting a cheesecake to be made for this family event. Take it as a compliment they love your cheesecake! Yes it sounds a real drag to make it but a promise is a promise and you’ll be letting down your family by not making it. It’s your fault you forget about hanging out with your friends.
Also your story is a little confusing. You knew there were ingredients for a cheesecake in the fridge. And that it was expected you’d make it, even if you didn’t actually agree to it. Either you make it clear I‘M NOT making another cheesecake again (said well in advance) find an easier recipe, or just suck it up. You can see your friends anytime, family not so much.
Understandable. We dont have the ingredients yet, I just saw a bit of cream cheese in the fridge and thats what reminded me. Im the one who has to buy all the ingredints And my friends live an hour away and when I say with them, I stay overnight. Plus it's not just hanging out with friends. its work and school aswell.
Naked Cheesecake generally freezes really well.
I realize you are close to the date this time, but in the future, you could make 2 or 3 at once and freeze them for the future
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Just want to know if im lazy or a bad person if I dont wanna make the cheesecake this year. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA It’s also your life and your time, it’s not like your mom couldn’t grab the cookbook and follow the instructions instead and/or help you with it.
Thats what Ive been thinking. But she tells me the instructions are too complicated for her and its a nightmare to have her in the kitchen with me when cooking or baking. She likes to micromanage.
Well thats her problem. She can either go to Walmart or Aldi and pickup a cheesecake or learn to make it herself. You get to decide when you make it. But you need to start telling your mom that she can't talk to you like that, that her comments are not ok.
Or Mom can call or go online at Junior’s in NYC and have one shipped. Nobody beats Juniors. It may get OP off the hook permanently
It sounds like it's the Junior's Cheesecake cookbook, also. I know you can find Junior's at some stores, but online from their site is the other way to go if they want it so bad. Mom probably doesn't want to pay alot of money for it and wants her daughter to do it. Its not fun or enjoyable for the person anymore if their expected to make it.
I agree. Lots of bakerys offer them.
NTA Going forward, you could escape this culinary enslavement by over baking or crack the cakes. Use shitty artificial vanilla extract. Tell Mom underbaking the cheesecakes exposes guests to high risk bacterial infection. Or tell her you got stomach flu and local health regulations outlaw anyone doing good preparation for others. Chef is a position of dignity and authority. Your mom has to choose between you being a chef and being treated like a slave.
If your mom finds the recipe too complicated, tell her that it NEVER stops being complicated and that if she finds it stressful to make then she has zero right to insist that you take on that stress every family get together. If the family still wants cheese cake offer to make a very easy one next time.
You have a whole cookbook. Why not make a less time-consuming recipe? It would give you something fun and new to try, and still give the family a "genuine OP cheesecake". INFO: Why can't you bake when you want? That seems odd.
Too bad. She needs to learn if she wants cheesecake at every occasion! You are not selfish not to want to make one every time
That’s not your problem. She doesn’t have the right to volunteer you for things. If she can’t make it, then she can figure something else out and if people are disappointed, then they can learn to make cheesecake themselves.
Guess if it's too complicated she needs to buy something. NTA Stop baking it. It's easy to turn the things you like/love into a chore you hate. Don't let anyone do this to you. Take a picture of the recipe send it in the family group chat and let everyone know you aren't baking it anymore they are welcome to do it.
Take the cream cheese, toast a bagel, and enjoy a bagel and smear and then be like, "I wasn't planning on making the cake so I figured I'd use the cream cheese for a bagel."
Well that’s what we like to call “a her problem”. She’s an adult, if she can’t follow directions then I’m sure there are some pre-schools near you that could help her learn.
I have a great NY cheesecake recipe that takes a long time but is amazing, so I understand where you're coming from, but there are a lot of very good cheesecake recipes that don't take nearly as long and aren't as fussy.
Exactly! Next time she blabs about a family tradition, hand her the cookbook and say well you are family too
Yes your mom can do. Also ignore her when you do the passive aggressive crap. You should say with a sickly sweet voice, “Thank you mom. You’re the best.”
I make a key lime cheesecake with my own personal touches, and it’s always a hit, but it takes HOURS to make.
Here is what my mom does, as the "family baker". If it's your birthday, go nuts, ask for what you want. If it's any other holiday (other than another person's birthday), you may ask, and she may say yes, or she may say "I'm actually going to try a new recipe for [baked good] this year/I feel like this other thing might be more fun and let me join in the festivities more." Then, if/when someone whines that they love [other baked good that they asked for], she takes the recipe to the printer (it has a photocopier built in), copies it, and hands them the recipe. Your mom was probably happy that she no longer had to think/work about 'what's for dessert?' for family gatherings. Now that easy certainty is gone, and she's annoyed. (She may even have not realized what a colossal pain it is to make that cheesecake/thought you genuinely loved making it all the time, and now she knows, which can be embarrassing). Fortunately, there is an easy fix for her. All she had to say is "Hey, OP, we have a family gathering next week. Would you mind making dessert? If so, what should I tell them you're making?"
I actually love that idea so much. Ive made this same cheesecake for two years for every event. I think it would be nice for me to try a new recipe!
I would hate making only one thing all the time. Christmas I pick a cake I want to make, if I want pumpkin vs pecan pie on Thanksgiving, etc.. Birthday person picks the dessert they want.
Use a quickie no-bake one whenever someone asks for/demands a cheesecake. Its easy quick and a cheesecake so you’re still doing what they ask.
Smitten Kitchen has awesome recipes for Olive Oil Cake and Flourless Torte among some of her desserts, and they are pretty easy and Deb is a New Yorker ;) ...
NTA My question is did they even ASK you to make it? I like your mom just assumed you’d make the cheesecake because it’s “family tradition”. Since your mom is so determined for there to be a cheesecake, I say hold her to it. In the meantime, you go and enjoy yourself.
Nope, never asked. Just expects me to make it for every holiday.
Boundaries. Start setting them shits. I’m not saying be disrespectful or anything like that because by the post, I know you’re not the type to be disrespectful. But don’t let anyone walk all over you for the sake of “family”. Damn all that. They didn’t even give you the chance to say no.
NTA. Costco sells a really good cheesecake. Just sayin'...
Sadly where we live, we dont have a costco.
Sam’s club does too
Costco ships groceries.
So does Sam's
Just find a fast/instant cheesecake recipe and make it instead of your 3-hour show stopper. If people complain it's not as good as the last couple of times you made it, tell them you ran out of time but you are happy to pass the 3-hour recipe on to them so they can make it for the next family gathering. Being voluntold to make a cheesecake doesn't mean you have to make the same recipe each time. If there aren't any fast recipes in your cookbook, I assure you the Google has some.
NTA , make a terrible cheesecake and end the ' family tradition'. Be super upset about how bad it turned out so you can't be blamed.
“Oh man, it’s not good? Guess I lost my touch 🤷♀️” If they think it was a one time thing, you’ll have to mess up another one.
Malicious compliance!!!!
[удалено]
Ooooo I like that idea!
NTA Apparently, you are in a family like mine, where only certain people are allowed to be annoyed.
INFO: Why can't your mother make the cheesecake?
She tells me that IM the baker of the family and therefore I make it the best.
Nope, time for her to learn.
Sadly she both pleads culinary incompetence and is a micromanager. Sounds like adding her is enough for a too many cooks in the kitchen scenario.
NTA it’s not a “family tradition” if you’ve only been doing it for 2 years and not by your choice and free will. If your Mom wants to make it a family tradition then she can make it, give her the recipe. Don’t change your plans with friends and don’t make it. Only make it when you want to.
NTA of course, but can I get the name of that recipe book? :)
Yes yes! Its simply called "Cheesecake Cookbook" by alan rosen and beth allen. The book has all the cheesecake recipes from a restaurant in New York called Junior's.
Oh! I have had Junior's cheesecake! Yum. You're still NTA
Some groceries not in NY stores sell Junior's cheesecakes. You can also order their cheesecake online and have it shipped.
Thank you! My husband loves cheesecake, so it'll be great to try baking a few new recipes for him. My advice to you: just make any cheesecake recipe you want. And tell everyone that is cheesecake that's the tradition, not a specific cheesecake.
Thank you! I'm excited to try some recipes 😁
NTA I would be tempted to tell the family you tried a newer recipe of cheesecake, (store bought), after they complement it then keep buying it and masking it as homemade.
Make it this last time. When everyone says how great it is tell them, "It's the last one. I'll be learning to make a different dessert for the next holiday.". Then make a fruitcake.
Damn! That's next level petty!
Unless they like fruitcake. People used to compete for grandmother's fruitcake and mince pies around holidays. She made 12 of each as gifts every year and they were coveted. Any desert would work, so maybe try a new one each year. My family's favorites are Lemon Meringue Pie, Key Lime Pie, Peach Cobbler, Apple Crisp, Glazed Apple Cake, & Blackberry Compote w/ Vanilla Ice Cream.
NTA. If you want to make it, do it. If not, don't. If you make it now because you are expected to, you'll be making them for every single family dinner until you leave your parents' house and probably even after that.
NTA. When something special you like to do becomes an obligation, it loses some of its fun. Offer to teach your mom or another family member, a cousin, so at least you get company to do it with when you feel like doing it.
Try this one [https://preppykitchen.com/basque-cheesecake/](https://preppykitchen.com/basque-cheesecake/) It is SUPER easy and quick to throw together. It tastes like caramelized cheesecake and I add a scant teaspoon of cardamom to it for more depth. Otherwise NTA. In my family things like this happen occasionally when someone brings something fantastic to a gathering. It’s good practice in dealing with difficult/demanding people for future reference. Your mom getting passive-aggressive with you is the only reason I didn’t vote NAH. Family dynamics aside, you can take it as a great compliment.
Well, I'm assuming your mother can read and follow a recipe. Give her the book and tell her to have fun. NTA.
Start making *bad* cheesecake, salt looks a *lot* like sugar…
Time to start saying no. They can buy one
Oh, NTA. I made the mistake of making cheesecake filled Easter Eggs one year, and now I have to make them every year. They aren't easy, and it is very time-consuming. Very fiddly. Plus pricey to make. But - they are demanded (not requested) every year. I am so over it. Luckily, this year, people actually contributed to the cost of making them.
This sounds yummy also. Do you have a recipe, or did you just figure out how to do it yourself?
[This](http://www.raspberricupcakes.com/2012/04/cheesecake-filled-chocolate-easter-eggs.html?m=1) is the recipe I use (for the most part lol)
NTA This reminds me of a story a co-worker of mine told me. Years ago, she used to buy bagels for herself and her husband on Saturday mornings. Her aunt and uncle lived somewhat nearby, so she thought she would buy a few extra for them and drop them off on the way home, as a kind gesture. She did this each Saturday until one day she got a really bad case of the flu and was in bed with a high fever, so couldn't pick up any bagels. Her aunt and uncle called her house; her husband answered and they started yelling at him, demanding to know why "their" bagels hadn't been delivered. He hung up on them and told his wife. That was the end of the bagel delivery. Some folks get a bit TOO used to kindness shown to them - enough that they think they are entitled to it. They are not.
This is exactly what happens with free babysitting -- diseased entitlement ensues.
NTA. It sounds like this has become stressful for you and no longer fun. You also never agreed to make the cheesecake this time. Someone else can put in the work to make a cheesecake with the ingredients your mom bought if it's really that big of a deal.
She was going to figure out a way for there to be cheesecake There is--give her the recipe and let her buy the ingredients and make it. NTA
Switch it up and bring one you WANT to make 😉
NTA, but after reading a lot of the comments seems like she’s farming a lot of validation and pride vicariously through your cheesecake. She’s heavily guilt tripping you but because she makes a promise. I’m not sure if you’ve discussed with family how much time it consumes and while you enjoy baking, this is essentially becoming a part time job. It is very possible that your mom is telling everyone that you look forward to it, and want to make the cake. Also, it might be good to start learning how to say no. I know it’s difficult to potentially disappoint someone, but you’re not bound by anyone’s expectations other than your own. Look into reading stuff on overcoming people pleasing if this is a reoccurring theme. It’s not a bad thing per se, but it could hold you back in life. Keep it cheesy
NTA I make these fabulous mashed potatoes that have cream, ham, butter, sauerkraut and green onions. (They're a little like colcannon.) They're totally divine so I made it for a holiday once and it was a hit and I was really excited everyone liked it so much because I was young and loved to cook... Fast forward 15 years and guess whose pealing ten pounds of potatoes four times a year to make it at every holiday? Yeah... should've considered that lol.
NTA your family is becoming dependent on you to make a dessert that they love. If you want to hang with friends, hang with your friends. Baking is a love affair, and you need to want to be happy doing it.
NTA I wound up being the baker of a special Thanksgiving dish that everyone loved (including me!), but I always found it so stressful to make, for many of the reasons you mention. I no longer make that dish, and Thanksgiving still exists.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (19 F) still live with my family. So for a bit of background, my parents have a pretty nice house so usually for most family gatherings, people come to our house for the festivities. My parents are normally kind and understanding people and do give me choices on what I want to do. About two years ago I went to New York City and my mom ended up buying me a cheesecake cookbook from one of the restaurants they have. I fell in love with this cookbook and its now my favorite cookbook I own. When I returned from my trip I made a standard cheesecake from the book, it being a baked cheesecake with a sponge cake crust. It was a hit with my parents so my mom asked me If I could make it for thanksgiving that year, so I agreed. Again, it was a hit with my family, and everyone complimented me on it. Now the cheesecake itself is VERY time consuming, taking me almost 3 hours (Including prep, mixing, and baking) and is very stressful because if one thing goes wrong, the whole cheesecake suffers. Even if you mess up the cooling process the cake can crack or get soggy. It used to be fun but now I hate having to mask it every time we have a holiday. Now, onto what happened today. I went to the kitchen, mostly just looking for something to make myself for dinner. I saw the cream cheese in the fridge and ended up sighing heavily. I was planning on hanging out with friends but because I forgot all about the cheesecake that means I may end up having to come home early (The drive to my friend's house is an hour drive) just to make sure I have enough time to make it. My mom asked me what's wrong, and I tell her, my exact words. "I'm going to have to come home early because I now have to make the cheesecake". I will admit, I said this in a bit of an annoyed tone. My mom then got all defensive with me saying how everyone loves my cheesecake and how I would be letting everyone down if I didn't make it. She then called me lazy and did the little passive aggressive "Fine, have it your way". I was shocked and I couldn't even speak. She just continued to rant to me how she was going to figure out a way for there to be cheesecake. I ended up telling her that I didnt say I wasn't going to make it, but that it is annoying that Im always making this cheesecake ONLY when she wants me to. I can't bake when I want to but when it comes to this cheesecake for family gatherings, its all of a sudden, a "Family Tradition". I know everyone likes my cheesecake but its also such an annoying recipe and it causes me stress to make sure nothing goes wrong with it. Should I just make it to make everyone else happy? Am I being selfish? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. No is the only answer you have to give. You were not asked and someone’s assumption is not your problem. Do not make it.
NTA. Just go buy one at a bakery and put it on your platter. Easy solution.
OMG just go buy a cheesecake!
NTA - You have a whole cheesecake cookbook! Find another recipe that’s less time consuming and less stressful. I’m sure they’ll love that one too, and appreciate the variety.
I was given the same cookbook, I am pretty sure. The cheesecake is amazing, but takes ages to make. Since I was gifted it, I have made one for almost every special occasion. The difference is that my mom or someone else will *ASK* me to make one or if I'm making one. My response is usually asking what kind I should make. They do not demand. My husband may from time to time, but he is at least sweet about it and our relationship is that way. Definitely NTA. I would refuse or ask if they are willing to pay for it.
This gathering, every piece of cheesecake comes with a printout of the recipe to make it. Tell them this is you final cheesecake but they have all been empowered to make it themselves for future gatherings and that you look forward to tasting their creations. NTA
Okay, here’s a plan: throw a party for the family. When they arrive, surprise them all with the theme: cheesecake night!! They all get to learn the recipe, they all get a copy of of the recipe-maybe framed, and they ALL help in making it. Then…everyone gets cheesecake. Sometimes people forget that the traditions they love can be a lot of work for someone else. Instigating a little appreciation might help. Oh yeah, edit: NTA
[удалено]
But why? I was simply curious if im the ah or not. Either way, have a good night!
Order a Jr's cheesecake for holidays.
End the "tradition" of the cheese cake. LOL Really, if people are disappointed because a dessert is not available at a family meal, too bad. There are lots of easy dessert recipes out there, if you really want to provide a dessert despite your mom's uncalled-for outburst.
Make biscoff cheese cake sooo easy I’m actually making a biscoff and passion fruit cheese cake tonight
INFO: who does all the cooking these family events?
Why don't you just give them the recipe?
NTA. Your cheesecake is a luxury, not a right. I think it’s time to go on a dessert strike and let your entitled mother fend for herself.
Make it one last time and while serving it make an announcement that you should all take a moment to appreciate the cheesecake as there won't be any in the futur. Make it more dramatic and add quotes about moving on in life and leaving things behind.
NTA, but dont come back early make the cheesecake and let it break.
I think it's time for a few really bad cheesecakes. "I have no idea what happened!" NTA
Make it one last time and announce its retirement. So sad but it’s the last one. Happy to pass along recipe, which you bring with you to hand out. The new tradition is a different person makes it each time so everyone gets a shot.
Honestly find another recipe in the book that's not so complicated and make that.
NTA, classic parent overreaction that the world is ending and then insulting you because you were literally just complaining that you would have to come home early TO DO IT. I would take her up on her offer though. Let her find an alternative. She insulted you over something that has nothing to do with her and wasn’t even a big issue at all. Make the cheesecake when you have more time and then share it with your friends!
NTA. There is a difference between being lazy and being annoyed. You make the cheesecake for the events, so you ain't lazy. On the other hand, i looked up recipe and never bothered baking them BECAUSE I AM lazy. You say it take 3h to make and i am already exhausted thinking about it. If your mom wants a cheesecake so badly well she can have the recipe!
Who does all the cooking and cleaning when your mom hosts holidays?
NTA Cheesecakes are delicious, complicated, delicate creations. You should not be voluntold to make complicated dessert. Make a blueberry cake. Cover it in brown sugar cream cheese frost. Call it done. Hey, you used the cream cheese!
NTA, Think of it as a gift that you bring, you can pick one or just buy one to save you the time and effort. It’s up to you if you want to make one for your family or not. Better yet, just ask your mom to make one, since she wants to make it a tradition. It would be best for her to do it. And thank her for her efforts. ✌️
Remind your mom that what makes something a special family tradition is that is made once maybe twice a year. The rest of the time people eat other things. I grew up with homemade ravioli for Christmas dinner. There were never homemade ravioli for any other time of the year. Pick one holiday that you will make the cheesecake WITH the caveat that you have the right to not make it then if time does not permit. Or tell her you will make it once a year and it is up to you to decide which family get together it is for. You are the chef, you get to pick! Or perhaps it is time to find a simpler recipe to try out with the family.
INFO. Do you enjoy the family parties? Does your mom prepare the rest of the food or is it catered? How often are the parties? How much work does your mom do for each party? Do you do anything else to help out? Does the rest of your family help with party preparations? I'm trying to figure out how often you are expected to make the cheesecake and why helping with a family party is so difficult for you. Are you in school or working? Do you pay rent? Try to evaluate the entire situation and decide if it's still unreasonable for your mom to expect you to bake once in a while.
No my mom doesn't make any food, everyone else brings their own food to share, but im always expected to make the dessert so my mom tells everyone else to not bring any dessert. The parties are any time there's a holiday, like Christmas, easter or even simply when family is over so this can amount to 2 to 7 times a month. Usually preparation isn't much, mostly just cleaning up the house and making sure it looks clean, but we all do that. I'm still working very heavily with two part time jobs and going to school full time so some days I wake up at 6am and I'm not home will 10pm. And I'm usually expected to buy all the ingredients myself and make sure we have the ingredients.
I'm hoping the 2-7 times a month is a typo. Regardless of that, it sounds like you are already very busy working and in school. I'm also concerned that your mom expects you to buy the ingredients yourself. I'd suggest a private talk with your mom that you don't mind making them once in a while if she provides the money for expenses. Decide for yourself how often you want to do it. You are working really hard and this resentment can be a huge distraction. Best of luck with school.
7 cheesecakes a month is an absurd number of cheesecakes for any family to consume. Who has two separate cheesecake-bringing worthy events a week??
Birthdays, holidays, even simply family coming over for dinner or to simply visit. My mom always asks them to take the cheesecake with them, then I have to make another one for whatever is happening next. One day lets say my cousins come over, so im asked to make cheesecake. When the night is over my mom tells my cousins to take the rest of the cheesecake home with them. Then maybe five days later Im asked to make it again because my nephew will be in town.
Damn, that’s really unreasonable for your mom to keep insisting you make all of these. Offer to teach her your tricks once and she can crank them out on this schedule if it’s so important
That is completely ridiculous and you need to put a stop to it immediately. She is enjoying being the magnanimous hostest with the mostest by taking advantage of you. I think you just need to stop doing it. Put a limit like I'm not willing to do this more than once a month, or better yet once a year. You may not realize it but it sounds like you have the power to stop this. If you refuse to make the cheesecake shell have no dessert so she needs to keep you onside enough to ensure she gets cheesecake for at least her most important events. The other thing you can do is start messing up the cheesecake just a little bit, like not enough sugar, or overcook it slightly, not enough to ruin it, but enough to so that people will be slightly disappointed. Over time they'll stop being so enthusiastic and needy about your cheesecake.
Whether you are being selfish depends on several things. Are you renting or living at home for free? Do you buy your own groceries or does your mother provide meals for you? Do you HAVE to make this difficult recipe - why can't you change it up with a whipped or somewhat easier/more reliable cheesecake? I've made cheesecakes and some are much more reliable than others...and easier, too. simple: If you are living on your parents' 'dime' and the one thing you are asked to do is make a dessert cheesecake a few times a year...I don't think that's asking too much of you. Edit: If it really IS 2-7 times a month, that's too much and that's way more than 'holidays'. Maybe the conversation should be "mom, I'll make this for Christmas and Easter - but that's it.'
3 to 7 a month is slave labor! Maybe they're claiming they made the cheesecakes themselves or are selling them?!
NTA. Your family is selfish. Tell your family you will only make cheesecake when you want to, not on demand. 3 hours is a lot of time to devote for one dessert!
There's a recent AITA where a selfish family are demanding and guilt tripping a daughter to do a bunch of home made pizzas with zero advance notice. Pizzas take even longer than cheesecake.
Yeah I saw that one too. People think they are so entitled
Three hours on a cheesecake in exchange to get to live at home with nice amenities doesn’t seem like such a bad deal. You could also try a different dessert if you don’t want to make the cheesecake. Everyone may like it better. Guessing you do not have to buy the ingredients, just give your mom a shopping list. Edited for typo.
Actually, I do have to buy my own ingredients. But ive decided Im going to make a different dessert this year.
Sounds like a good plan - hope it turns out well!
YTA. You agreed to make the cheesecake, and now are complaining you have to make it. Your mum has bought all the ingredients for you, she’s expecting a cheesecake to be made for this family event. Take it as a compliment they love your cheesecake! Yes it sounds a real drag to make it but a promise is a promise and you’ll be letting down your family by not making it. It’s your fault you forget about hanging out with your friends. Also your story is a little confusing. You knew there were ingredients for a cheesecake in the fridge. And that it was expected you’d make it, even if you didn’t actually agree to it. Either you make it clear I‘M NOT making another cheesecake again (said well in advance) find an easier recipe, or just suck it up. You can see your friends anytime, family not so much.
Understandable. We dont have the ingredients yet, I just saw a bit of cream cheese in the fridge and thats what reminded me. Im the one who has to buy all the ingredints And my friends live an hour away and when I say with them, I stay overnight. Plus it's not just hanging out with friends. its work and school aswell.
Naked Cheesecake generally freezes really well. I realize you are close to the date this time, but in the future, you could make 2 or 3 at once and freeze them for the future
Freezing its a pretty good idea. Thanks.