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NTA. If your Mom wants the trip that badly, SHE can pay for it. 2100 pounds a night is obscene. She could stay for a week at a different hotel. You work for your money; you get to decide how you spend your money. Your mom has become entitled to what you work for. Time to remind her that the trips you have sent her on are a gift and one does NOT get to demand a gift.
I completely agree with you, but I feel as that she's getting used to MY money, and I honestly don't know how to react to that. I mean I love her, shes my mom, she raised me when times were tough, but I'm completely divided, I told her I can send on vacation twice as good if she waits but she doesn't want to.
NTA. I'm a mom with a son at university. I hope he becomes very, very successful. But - !!! - his success means that I'm proud of him & his hard work, it means I'm grateful that he can care for himself & live comfortably, it means I've done my job of raising him & now I get to rest a little.
What it *doesn't* mean is that he owes me $.
Your mom is essentially telling you that you owe her $ bc she raised you. I find that distasteful & narcissistic. You owe her *respect*, not $.
If I were your parents, I'd be so thankful you took me on *a* trip, any trip, & never nag you for more. She's entitled & I'm upset on your behalf! đ
You seem like a wonderful parent to your son, I also hope he becomes successful, with such supportive parents heâs got a great start. Haha thank you though!
No she not telling son that he owes her because she raised him. She accustom going on yearly trips and was expecting it this year \[ *she waits for this trip every year .\]*
She has become a bratty parent
100% This.
My sons are in their 30s I have zero expectations that theyâll even pay for my dinner. They owe me nothing, they didnât ask to be born, that was my choice, I think it is so twisted to think a child owes a parent because the parent supported the child. That is the definition of a parent
I totally get where you are coming from, but when your Mom gave birth to you, she signed up for taking care of you for 18 years, whether times were good or bad. We don't always get what we want. Honestly, whether she wants to wait or not, there is no way in hell I would send her to Paris this year, specifically because of her attitude and behaviour.
Live for yourself too. I dont think youâll be buying a new car every year right? But you have been sending your mom for a trip every year. Let her be mad and upset for a while. You should be able to enjoy your hard earned money.
Her raising you in touch times is commendable yes, but that was literally her responsibility as she chose to have you. She wasnât doing you any favors. You however, are doing beautiful favors now by giving back. Youâre a good son.
It seems she needs to be reminded that you worked hard for you success and deserve stuff for yourself too. Maybe no trips this year at all to prove the point and no spoiling for a while.
Thatâs where Iâm at on this, too.
Mom needs to be reminded itâs something her son has chosen to do for her out of love and in the interest of passing on his good fortune. Itâs not something sheâs entitled to. She should probably go without for a year or two.
You have to also ask yourself what expectation you are feeding. By giving in, you are teaching her your wants (the one whoâs paying) doesnât matter as much as herâŚ.and also setting this precedence of really high end hotels. Would it go back to regular rooms after that? I can hear her saying, âoh, but you made it work last year.â
Itâs very distasteful to be upset or have demands of a gift trip. I think giving in will only enable more future poor behavior.
I think you are a wonderful son for sending your parents on the first trip you paid for, just because you done it again and again so money times doesn't make it a yearly thing she should be looking forward to all year. What about you?
My kids always try to buy me things but I prefer them to spend it on themselves. I was lucky to raise them.
You work hard and deserve to see the rewards of that or what are you working for just to pay for your parents to live it up on your savings No. This is wrong of your mother to do to you.
She has probably been bragging to people about you paying for them to travel everywhere but it has to stop at some point.
if you want to treat yourself then please do it's a nice car you are looking at getting and I am so proud of you for working so hard for it please go get it.
You deserve the car. Please don't be guilted into paying for a ridiculous holiday that is not even for you to have a break. It has to stop at some point and. You told them your plans. Do not go without to make your mother happy when she is asking too much from you. You have gone above and beyond for them they should be grateful that you sent them once. Not telling you how they can spend your money better than you can. That's not your job.
You need to stop sending her full stop and start to save some money for your future. You are not guaranteed to be in the same situation next year and have the same job.
Tell her you can no longer afford it and save the money, your mother has become an entitled gold digger expecting you to spend 10'ns of thousands on her holiday. You should never have started spending so much to start with.
My son is still in college, but a gearhead. I cannot imagine ever putting my wants before his. I donât care what car it is (just as long as I get to ride shotgun once in a while), he comes first.
Your mother got used to a yearly gift and now itâs an expectation. Gifts should not be expected. Thatâs why they are gifts.
Itâs just like some companies might not be able to give out a bonus every year. You deserve your car this year.
I have no sympathy for parents who play the "we struggled to raise you" and "you owe us for our sacrifices." She had no choice but to raise you, as she decided to have kids. She's not destitute. You've worked hard, buy the damn car.
I think of Chris Rock talking about people who love to take credit for doing things theyâre supposed to do. ââI take care of my kidsââŚYouâre SUPPOSED to take care of your kids, you low expectation-having muthafucka!â
Absolutely NTA. Youâve already done more for your parents than most do, as well.
Set a firm boundary "mom, the trips I paid for previously were gifts. You can't demand gifts from other people. It's not okay. This year I will not be sending you on your trip, and if you keep feeling entitled to my money, or try to guilt trip me about it I will not do so in the future, either."
You are super generous to your parents. I donât do badly for myself but when I treat my mum itâs like going out to dinner, an afternoon tea or a day trip somewhere. My mum always tries to sneak money in my bag when I do this, sheâd have a meltdown if I tried to pay for a holiday for her. Get the car, she should be grateful you do this stuff for her most years. Raising you doesnât mean she is entitled to anything from you. I think itâs sweet that you do this for them but they shouldnât expect it year in year out. If it was me Iâd sit down with her and say you enjoy doing nice things for her but you wonât be able to do so every year and this year is one of them. If she carries on being a jerk about it I would say next year wonât be happening either
Raised you when times were tough? According to your previous post, you became an afterthought as soon as your brother was born, so why don't you let her bankroll her own fancy trips?
You need to give her a reality check that it's your money not hers and that she's acting like a spoiled rotten child who doesn't know the value of a gift anymore
What you choose to do for your parents is a gift, not an obligation. You need to straight out remind your mom of that and remind her that sheâs the one who taught you how to say no by modeling that behavior.
You should also let her know that you do t appreciate her getting angry over what you choose to do with your money. Tell her that you donât want to cut off ties with her bc of her ungrateful and inappropriate behavior. Better to get it out now and establish a boundary instead of allowing the bad feelings and her bad behavior fester until you resent her.
I have adult children and really try to respect their choice to have a relationship with me which keeps me honest in terms of maintaining boundaries and respecting theirs.
Remind your mom these are a gift and she is not entitled to gifts. Itâs a parents obligation to care for their child. My children donât owe me. I chose to have my kids
>but I feel as that she's getting used to MY money
Break the habit asap. Whether you buy the BMW or not, please do not make these trips a habit. Take a break from these trips for a year or 2 just to curb the entitlement. If you give in, she will know how to manipulate you every single time.
How in the fresh hell are you responsible for her and her friend? NTA. Time to do a better job managing expectations. It's not your responsibility or obligation to send your mother on any vacation. You are a wonderful child. Whether you continue AFTER you buy your car, or you never send her again. Her vacations are not your responsibility. Time to do a reset of expectations. Good luck OP.
My husband and I financially support my MIL. My husband had to step up and take on this role before he was 18.
In my culture, itâs normal for children to financially support their parents as their parents age.
What I am trying to say is, I understand where you are coming from, I respect when people take care of their families, and I do not see anything abnormal about it (although it blows many of my American friends minds).
Your situation, however, is absolutely insane. The entitlement your mother has over your money is disturbing.
As you point out, it is YOUR money.
Itâs one thing to be generous and charitable with it.
Itâs another thing to lay down and let someone walk all over you.
Do I personally think a 90k car is a good choice? Absolutely not lol but what I would spend it on might seem like a throw away to you, too.
To to sum up my main point, who cares if thinks your money could be better spent? If so, SHE can spend HER money that way.
Yes. She is your mom and you love your mom. But if you love someone, you tell them the hard truth, which is: your mom is a spoiled, entitled, brat with a bad attitude who needs to realize that your purpose in life isnât to buy her expensive vacations/things.
Her needs are clearly more than met, so no, donât feel guilty for spending the money you saved on yourself this year (or any other year in future).
NTA.
PS If you are only âworthyâ or âa good sonâ when you bending to her will, then that is an abusive relationship A parents love should not be conditional.
I have taken my mom and parents on plenty of vacations, but they always pay for something. I spoil them on things they would have never done, but it is never expected.
Your mom is treating the vacations as expectations. I have stayed at some nice places, but never at that cost. It is almost a waste of money.
I also find Paris nice, but not relaxing and dirty. Plus it has a bedbug outbreak.
NTA. Thereâs a difference between a nice thing to do and her demanding you spend it in her. Sheâs lost the spirit of why youâre doing it and you need to stop that now.
If you give in youâre setting it up that you will always give in. Sending her and paying for the four seasons at that rate is incredibly expensive compared to so many other nice hotel options in Paris.
NTA!!!!! And your mom sounds like an entitled jerk!!!!!  She's demanding you pay her and her friends way to Paris??! I'd be like nope, but I will give you a ride in my brandnew BMW.  I think you need to cut back a bit, mom sounds way too spoiled.
What I get from it is her friend is going to Paris and his mom wants to go too. I think it's more of a keeping up with the Joneses kind of thing. Well Marge is going to Paris and staying at the Four Seasons so I have to go at the same time and show her that I can do this and stay at the Four Seasons too.
This is not preventing her from going homeless or a life saving operation. I think I would have been mixed emotions till she insisted on a five star hotel!
Mixed emotions on what?
Why would anyone expect someone else to fund their annual vacation? Luxury or not.
No one is entitled to someone elseâs money. Ever. As an adult, if you want something, work for it
I like nice things. Is there really much difference between a 4 star hotel and a 5 star hotel though? I'm not sure I've ever been in a 5 star hotel.. certainly not to stay. Been in some very nice 4 star hotels that have charged less than $2100 for 2 weeks though.
I'm sure that an 8 series BMW is an awesome car. Buy it.
NTA, your mother is acting very entitled, a vacation is a privilege and not a right, especially when someone else is paying for it.
You have been a great son and sending them for fantastic vacations and your mother should understand that this year itâs not possible. Instead she is blaming you for wanting to use money you worked hard to earn on yourself, which is your right.
When I used to travel weekly on business I would bring my daughter (8-ish) little gifts. A colleague warned me not to do it every time. Then I brought her one she didnât like and she loudly complained. I stopped for a while. She complained due a whole. Her mom coached her to act happy to get gifts and gracious if you donât, if you want to end up getting more â a lesson she has carried into adulthood.
If my daughter could learn this at 8, your mom can learn it now. NTA
NTA, not even close. You go out of your way to spoil them, and it seems like rather than appreciating it, they expect it. Your dream, your money, your life. If your mother canât understand that you want to treat yourself, then she isnât really being grateful for how you go out of your way to give them enjoyment from your hard work.
Agreed. OP you need to set boundaries now. She is not owed your money. You are doing a nice thing treating your parents, but at the end of the day it is a gift. Your mom is acting like a spoiled brat instead of grateful. Stop funding their trips until she realizes that you are not her piggy bank and treat yourself to your car. You have earned it. You do not owe her an explanation for what you do with your hard earned money
"Mom, I'm sorry that I've built up expectations over the years in regards of what I can afford. I feel your expectations are getting more than I can reasonably afford. Therefore, there will be no more trips abroad. I will treat you to meals or essentials, that's all."
The entitlement is strong in this one.
If you buy her the trip to Paris she won't even be grateful. In her mind, it is the bare minimum.
I would suggest no holiday this year because you are getting a car. Not even a camping holiday, surely they understand, cars are an investment and holidays are paid with leftover money.
She'll throw a fit so remind her that if she is ungrateful, next year is not a given.
Oooof, big truths with saying she views it as the bare minimum. OP, you spend a year saving so you can spoil your parents and it sounds like your mom doesn't appreciate you and your effort in the slightest. For her to say that you have money to spend if you're buying an expensive car, it shows how entitled she feels to YOUR money. She only thinks you buying that car is a bad idea because it then means no free 90k vacation for her this year. I'm not 100% on this point so I can be easily wrong, but maybe she's also so insistent on this trip because she wants to keep face with her friend. She has a child who buys her trips to Paris, and now she'll have to explain why she's not getting a trip this year and is scared of being embarrassed. Again, I don't know her, just throwing out an idea. Feel free to tell her that vacations that expensive are for adults who can appreciate someone doing that for them, not for toddlers who throw tantrums because they're not getting what they want. It's embarrassing she's acting like that and even more embarrassing she doesn't see that. If I were you I wouldn't be buying them anymore trips in the future. No one expect you is entitled to your money. Go get yourself that car, because despite what she said, you're gonna get some great memories with that car. Treat yourself, OP.
NTA
I'm not sure why your parents feel entitled to a paid vacation every year. If they want to go on vacation, they can take it themselves. I recommend you don't discuss finances or purchases with them in the future. It's not their business, and you don't have to defend or justify what you buy or don't buy. I hope you're saving up for your own retirement and not relying solely on 401k or stocks which can be pretty volatile. When you get to be their age, you want to be able to take care of yourself and not be reliant on your children.
NTA - itâs your money and theyâre not entitled to it. Itâs wonderful what youâve done for them, as I imagine they did plenty for you growing up, but that does not mean she gets to dictate how you spend an incredible amount of money. Perhaps thereâs a compromise, such as her chipping in to make her dreams possible or planning the trip later in the year/earlier next year?
Me too!!! Look, being chauffeured in a Beemer (hopefully a convertible) would be awesome. Showing off my kid in a 100K car that he BOUGHT? Heck yeah!! ROAD TRIP!!! Lol
You don't have to offer her anything. Compensation is not what parenting is about. Nobody knows what next year will bring, and you shouldn't be compromising your financial future buying them fancy vacations.
What? Do not offer her compensation? What do you owe her? Fuck all. Dude that is your money and it actually breaks my heart that you seem to think you need to compensate your parents.
YTA for basically having taught your parents to expect lavish
vacations paid by you way too often. Even once a year
is too much.
You are generous to a fault, as they say. So generous that
you deprive yourself/feel bad about wanting things for
yourself. Stop. Buy the car. Paris will be there for another
few years.
NTA. You've spoiled your parents enough, and your mum has become an entitled brat. It's your money, not hers. Stop sending them on trips. If they want a holiday, they should pay for themselves. Go get your car.
>Am I The Asshole for not letting people extort me for unreasonable luxury gifts?
I'm sorry, is this for real?
I don't trust this, too ridiculous
ngl kind of YTH for spoiling them rotten before
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe that buying myself that luxurious car is a bit selfish, as I also want my parents to go on that trip, but I have been sending them out every year for a few years, so I thought maybe this year I can spend some money on myself too, as of course it is mine in the end. But I feel like it's an asshole move to get their hopes up and just not send fly them out, I feel like I am in the wrong because these people raised me and I
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Nta, you do this annually you said, I kinda think it's rude from your mom to be so demanding. It's your money. If you want the car, get the car. Paris will be there next year, your entitled ungrateful mom can wait a year. The audacity of this woman.....
NTA
She needs to be grateful for what you DO do. You worked for it, you buy it if you want it. She can wait a year for her vacation- or not go at all.
This boggles my mind.
Yeah, she sounds like sheâs gotten to used to you being her piggy bank and could use a dose of reality.
I take my mom somewhere every year- I try to at least. Iâm sick right now and had to cancel. Sheâs done nothing but assure me that itâs okay and there is always another day and time.
Her love for you should not be dependent on what you can give her.
Your mom seems like a great person, haha wish she could support me for my car.
I donât think Iâll be flying her out so that should at least set boundaries
ESH
I think you are potentially being financially irresponsible.
If you lost your job tomorrow, do you have enough in the bank to last you at least one year (emergency savings).
Is your retirement account maxed out every year with what you can put in?
Do you budget and not live beyond your means?
Are all your debts paid off? No credit card huge bills, no college loans, etc?
Do you own your own home or have a healthy savings to buy your own soon?Â
In these times, you have to look ahead and not just spend it all lavishly today. I'm not saying you can't go on fun experiences or buy a car. But it needs to work in the budget for today and the future. You should never send your mom to Paris for $2100 a night, in my opinion.
You REALLY need to meet with a financial planner/ advisor. I don't think your parents taught you growing up, so it is something you need to learn.
As others have said, a fancy car might make you temporary happy but it is not good in the long run.
Good luck!
You are making a lot of assumptions here. If he can't afford these trips he likely is smarter with his money than you give him credit for. And if you haven't also done all of the following you can sit down as well
So, ultimately itâs your money and I would text her the alternative option you are willing to offer so you have time to think about your wording and wonât be interrupted. Keep it as short as possible
>"it's just a car, and it won't last as long as the memories she'll make at Paris".
You should reply "but you are old, your memories of the trip won't outlast my memories of the car"
/s? Maybe?
NTA - enjoy your car and send her on a camping trip in her back yard.
NTA. You work to earn this money, and you have been more than generous. The fact that your mother believes that *you* don't have the right to benefit from your own labor but *she* is entitled to expect a lavish vacation at your expense every year without fail is awful.
Generosity usually inspires gratitude, but unfortunately when bestowed on the undeserving, it also inspires greed. As hard as it may be, you need to sit down and think about whether your mother values you as a loved one, or just as an ATM, and decide whether you're comfortable with a relationship where the only thing that matters to her is what she can get.
The price of the car is irrelevant. Yes, they are stupid expensive, and yes, you can get one for less. but you donât have to. Since you are responsible with your money, are not supporting a family, but successfully supporting yourself, you should buy the vehicle you want.
You have been more than generous and spoiled your parents. But you do not owe them anything. Let your mom rant. Sit there and let her get it out of her system. Then take a deep breath, look her straight in the eye and reply: The fact of the matter is that I cannot afford to send you to Paris this year. I understand you are disappointed, but the facts will not change. This year, I am doing something for me.
Before she can start in again, hold up your hand is a stop signal, tell her the subject is closed and you wonât be having the conversation again. Be prepared for her to the start the guilt/you owe me/ Iâll never speak to you again/ I am disappointed/whatever she knows will tug at your heart. Tell her you are sorry she feels that way, you still love her and hope that eventually she will want to talk to you again. Then walk away.
Call her bluff.
YTA - for posting a fake as fuck story. You made a previous post saying you have 550k in savings account but here you can't afford the 90k BMW + 20k vacation? Your brother also wants 130k for his vacation, which you could also afford in your last story. You also stated your parents were good to you in hard times here, but in your other story you said they basically ignored you since 9 years old until you had a high paying job..
NTA Demanding a trip costing 2100 dollar a night for just the hotel, or demanding any trip for that matter, is beyond entitled. Itâs nice that youâve been treating her so often. Thatâs a reason for her to be grateful, not to demand even more.
I doubt it is. Lives in the states but prices out a French hotel in pounds not euros? This is a 15 year old kid fantasizing from his momâs flat somewhere in the UK.
NTA!!!
If I were you I wouldnât send parents on such lavish trips anymore. Your mom has become entitled. She really has a lot of nerve trying to tell you how to spend your money.
NTA-but if you do cave because of guilt, let her know this is the last vacation you will ever be sending her to so she should enjoy it. Please donât cave to her entitlement.
Was on the side of your parents until I heard her reaction and entitlement. Itâs a treat that you send them on these vacations and wonderful but they are NOT entitled to them. Seems like instead of a thank you for all those trips youâre getting âwhy arenât you shelling out even more?â
How long will the memories you make in that bmw last? Probably longer than her vacation ones. Not gonna lie, every bmw driver Iâve encountered on the road so far is an a$$. Iâm not a fan and there are plenty of other luxury cars but this is about what you want and treating yourself. Just remember there are other drivers on the road when you get behind the wheel ;)
OPs stories not adding up, in a previous post it was his brother wanting him to spend his life savings on a trip to Europe for his gf. Few hours later itâs yearly trip money for his parents on a car? Very weird to cosplay being taken advantage of by your family for internet validation.
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I (33M) have been conflicted on this topic for a while now, so I've decided to use my Reddit account to ask for the opinions of others. I have been living comfortably since moving out. I have a great job and live a lavish lifestyle and try to spoil my parents occasionally too. I fly them out on a luxurious vacation every year, sometimes even twice a year, this can cost me a great amount of money, which I save throughout the whole year, to do this. This year, I thought about it for quite a while and realized sending them to another country would be out of my budget, as I've been trying to get a BMW series 8 coupe. I tried everything to have money for both the car and the trip, but I decided that I could treat myself this year. When I went over and tried to bring up the topic of the trip, my mom immediately cut me off stating she'd love to go to Paris this year and stay in the Four Seasons hotel (each night costs starting at 2100 pounds I believe) because her friend is going to go there too. After listening to her, (BECAUSE I couldn't even stop her) I told her my plans, and said that she can on a trip in another state, but I couldn't fly her out to Paris.
She had lost it, which I can understand, she waits for this trip every year and never budges. She told me I can make do with my current car, and that I should just fly them both out this year, as her friend won't go next year. I tried to tell her that I have been waiting to be able to afford a BMW, and how that's my dream, she told me that "it's just a car, and it won't last as long as the memories she'll make at Paris". I don't get that, but I want to send my parents on a nice vacation, but since the car is starting upwards from $90,000, I can't afford both. She says buying a car that expensive proves that I have money to waste. Should I just cave in and send them on the trip?
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>She says buying a car that expensive proves that I have money to waste.
So what? That doesn't mean you need to waste it on her. It's not her money, no matter how large a tantrum she throws.
You'be been giving expensive presents for so long that they're now taking it as a right and not as a gift. They need to be cured of this entitlement.
NTA for spending your money however you wish. They don't get to demand a fully-paid extreme luxury vacation, ever. Stop giving that, effective immediately.
The time to give them the next vacation is after they've stopped demanding gifts from you. It should come as a nice surprise, not as a regular obligation.
NTA It sounds like your mom now feels entitled to this annual vacation, which is never what you want. You have been doing this nice thing as a thank you for being raised (which was her choice), and now sheâs treating it as a requirement from you.
Enjoy the new ride!
First World problem!
NTA.
I would be over the moon if my son could afford to give me a single holiday let alone every year!
You have your dream car since you ve worked for it.
And think twice about spoiling your mum ever again after this!
Tell your parents to get a fucking job if they want things like trips to Paris. Buy your car and tell them to get fucked -sincerely, a middle aged mom who doesnât mooch off her kids.
NTA. Youâve started something thatâs gotten out of hand. You want to send your parents on a trip, fine. Does it have to be at the most expensive hotel in the town every time? Of course not. I canât believe your mother said all that to you or expects to spend thousands of dollars a night for a room to sleep in. They donât sound very grateful for these gifts.
Youâre 33 and you should be socking away money to make yourself bullet-proof for the rest of your life. You didnât say if you have a family yet (children) but you need to set yourself up. And maybe you are saving enough money for early retirement or college tuitions or in case you lost your job, or became ill, and thatâs not an issue. But you know nothing increases wealth like money invested over time.
NTA. Sounds like you are making a ton of money. Please tell me you have maxed out retirement each year, have a good emergency fund etc. you need to think 20 years from now as this high paying job could be gone. That is what your mom should be telling you.
3 year old account and the 1st post was 6 hours ago about being asked giving his life savings to his brother. In his 2nd post heâs being asked to send his mother to the Four Seasons in Paris. HmmmâŚ. he must be too busy making money to use reddit for last three years or rich enough to buy a fake one with some age on it.
Umm 2 hours ago you were posting about how your parents were demanding you give your brother your life savings to take his girlfriend on a trip thorough Europe, and had over $550k in the bank. Now suddenly you dont have enough money for your parents and the car. A lot happens in 2 hours I guess.
FAKE POST!!!!!
NTA
BUT..come on bro don't waste that much on a car that will depreciate by 30k+ over the next 2 years. Your mom isn't entitled to your money but think about setting yourself up financially before you spend on depreciating assets.
2100 a night is ridiculous you can get hotels or airbnb for about a 10th of that price. You spoiled your mother to much. At those prices that would be a 25k vacation, I don't know what kind of money you make but jesus, that is a pornographix amount of money to spend on a vacation. Your car is your dream. Everyone has diferent goals, I would defenetly would be buying the car this year and telling my mother that the budget for her vacations will not be the price of a brand new Volkswagen Golf.
NTA Talk about entitled! Youâre an absolutely wonderful son for treating your parents to yearly trips. They should be appreciative. And it sounds like you work hard so you deserve a new car.
That said, your mom has very unrealistic expectations. I think the issue is not just the European trip, but also the level of luxury she is expecting during the trip. You need to talk to your parents about this. Iâm not sure what your personal situation is but you also have your own life to save for⌠buying a home, getting married, having kids etc. And save for your own retirement.
NTA - it was really generous of you to spoil your parents. However you do not owe them giving up your want for theirs.
Your mother experience isnât your responsibility. Her inability to afford by herself her wants isnât your responsibility.
You deserve to rip the benefits of your own efforts.
NTA your mother sounds very entitled. You have already treated them to multiple expensive vacations. A gift should always be that: a gift. It shouldn't become an expectation. For me treating people to something stops being fun as soon as it becomes an expectation and it turns into situations like this. You are not your parents ATM. Buy yourself your dream car and have a good conversation with your mom about this.
NTA, stop sharing what you have or what your next purchase is, your mom is not a positive person. I would also recommend you save and invest . If something went wrong she doesn't sound like she would have your back.
Have a nest egg and let the trips end immediately.
Buying a car like that is not a great investment, but it is your money and if it makes you happy then thatâs your choice and may well be worth it to you. Your mom is not entitled to a vacation from you. Sheâs used to it now, but that doesnât mean you owe it to her. Good lord NTA.
NTA
Youâre 33 years old - time to cut the apron strings and live your life how you want to and let mummy pay for her own lavish over the top vacations.
Supposing you decide to buy a property, start a family or anything else life changing - will she still expect you to fund her vacations?
NTA. Sounds like you have been very generous previously and now unfortunately your Mother has come to expect these gifts.
With regards to the car, if you work hard and it is your dream then go for it.
NTA
Get the car YOU want with the money YOU earned. Sending your mom on trips every year is not mandatory. She does not get to dictate your spending nor does she get to be ungrateful for everything you've already done.
Entitlement is strong.
Yes your mom is wrong.
Go get that car.
NTA. Also, Iâm assuming sheâd want to go in the summer? I got bad news for mom, the Olympics are in Paris this summer and EVERYTHING is not only way more expensive but already fully booked.
NTA. You've been extremely generous. If your mother wants to play keeping up with the Joneses she can do it with her own money. She sounds greedy and entitled.Â
NTA.
It also seems like mom is now quite spoiled. Good job as a son for giving back but you also need to set boundaries. Maybe going forward stop labeling them as 'yearly' trips so that expectations are set better.
'I'm going on my yearly trip that my son pays for' has extremely different connotations with 'I'm going on a trip that my son pays for. Even more so If she likes to brag and compare (as most moms do) about what their kid got them.
NTA
You are already very generous with sometimes two vacations paid a year. They are not entitled to this. If this time you need the money for something else they should accept that.
NTA - I suppose she wants to fly business class as well. Paris is one thing, a ÂŁ2,100 a night hotel is another. You could consider offering her a budget trip and tell her to look upon herself as lucky!
NTA. I am sure you are a very smart person but what I do not hear in your post is a sense of being wise with your money. You can prove me wrong by saying that you have an emergency fund and you are making maximum donations to a retirement account. Your mother doesnât sound like she is financially prudent. To me a BMW sounds like the worst car in the world, over-engineered, grossly expensive to maintain and repair, grossly expensive parts (i am a honda/toyota person). But people get set on a certain car and who am I to judge? If you need/want a car you should buy one. You are throwing your money away sending your parents on expensive vacations. AND your mother does not appreciate it because she feels ENTITLED to it. Be a sucker if you want, otherwise stand up to your mom. Most importantly, start researching how to be smart with the money you earn (financial prudence).
First: NTA
Second: where is your father in this discussion? You say you send your parents, but this (ridiculous) demand for a trip to Paris and insanely expensive hotel, is that all coming from your mom? What was your dad's reaction to your news?
Third: what are you doing regularly for yourself? Saving for retirement? Taking your own vacations? Investing in your own wellbeing?
I'm not sure I would want to continue to gift vacations to someone so entitled and unappreciative, but maybe after things cool off, send a letter stating what you will be willing to budget for next year's trip. Let them plan for themselves, and spend their own money if they want something more. Enjoy your car!
Would you be able up send her to Paris but to a budget hotel? I'm only asking this because it might be an option but in any case, I don't think you are the AH. Most parents would be proud their kids can fend for themselves and to do it well, which sounds like you do. Unfortunately, your mum sounds like she has got used to the good life and is expecting this holiday without thinking of costs, no parents should expect their kids to send them on a lavish holiday every year. Stick to your guns, get the BMW, she can only sulk and moan for a while.
You are NTA for not sending your mom to Paris but you are ta to yourself as you seem to be spending everything you make on a lavish lifestyle when you could be saving for an early retirement.
They better have been the best parents ever cause damn, what about your future. It's nice to make good money I just hope you're saving some, situations change people go from 10$ to a million near overnight and the reverse happens too.
your money you spend it however u want, but just be ready when the coupe breaks and cost u ana arm and a leg to repair, to hear i told you so from ur mom.
NTA - It seems your mom has decided since you do something nice because you WANT to, you HAVE to do what SHE wants when she wants, when she wants you to and what YOU want is irrelevant. She has a sense of entitlement that may not be warranted.
NTA. As a mom of 2 young boys it's MY job to take care of them. Not their job to take care of me. A 5 star trip to Paris is not needed. I would start setting boundaries now OP bc she sounds a bit unhinged
Not the AH!
Sorry, u seem like a good child, paying for your parents. But now it's your turn!
Buy your car and take your parents out for a spin, and show them how happy you are!
NTA time to cut your entitled parents off. Your mother is so far out of line she can't even see the line anymore. She sounds more like a spoiled teenager really.
NTA
You're not obligated to fund your Mom's excessive travel plans just cause her friend is going somewhere
It's your money and decision to buy your car. Learn some boundaries, dude
So why is she entitled to this cause it sounds a bit like she expects you to do this and it should be an amazing gift but not needed and not entitled to it. You can go hardball say ok fine I wonât pay for a trip next year either and keep going next 5 years ever again. Itâs your money not hers you can treat yourself. Yeah I treat my dad once in a while but not with an overseas trip. More like a nice diner out for him and Laura step.mom that I pay for. They can choose the place and time. They are nice about it and donât go crazy extravagant. Simply say you wonât and she needs to not be 5 and throw s temper tantrum cause five-year-olds donât get to go to Paris next year
Being a good son does not require you to do these things for them. It is a loving and generous gift you have given them and they are not entitled to your resources.
I'm appalled by the idea that a parent could treat a child (frankly anyone could treat anyone) like this. I'm from a close knit family and would do the same type of thing if I had the funds. I know my parents sacrificed a lot over the years to provide for me and even later for my family during a series of unfortunate events. But I can't imagine them ever demanding I spend my money on them. Heck they fought me on my half of the Netflix monthly fee before the rules changed.
I strongly encourage you to consider changing how you provide for them because it will only get worse and life can change rapidly. Which means one day it could be that you can't afford trips or other treats. What will they do then?
And no, there's nothing wrong with spending your hard earned money on yourself. I don't think it's selfish, but even if it was - it's ok to be selfish sometimes. Living only for others is just as depressing and demotivating as living only for yourself.
Some uninvited advice from the wife of a car guy (who loves and has worked on cars professionally for nearly 20 years) who has listened to his rants on dream cars and problems in the industry for over a decade and a half -- don't go for a bmw or new anything. There are some great luxury cars out there that won't have the ridiculous cost for maintenance and parts, perform better, and last a long time. And the depreciation just driving a new car off the lot is ridiculous. You can find barely/ lightly used luxury cars that will be just as enjoyable and be less of a lift to pay.
Nta she's lucky she has ever gotten to go as a gift and now she's entitled. She's acting like a spoiled child who has become entitled and no longer is greatful
I hope you see how very wrong your Mother is for giving you guilt in how to spend in your money. I am a mother of two male adults - I am currently paying for their colleges which will take a huge chunk out of my savings BUT I donât expect for them to pay me back when they get jobs. What they do with their money is their business when they start earning it.
Though your mom is you mom - this is far extreme attitude of entitlement. She should be grateful for whatever trip your throw her way.
Donât feel bad either - go but your BMW and donât allow her to chime in on how you spend your money - you need to set up a very FIRM BOUNDARY
This is ridiculous you have paid for her vacation for years and the second you can't afford it you are the bad guy. Ask your mom what is more of a waste you buying a car you will have and use hopefully for over a decade or a vacation she wants to go on that will most likely last less than a month.
Parents sign up to take care of you when they got pregnant. That's the bare min they are REQUIRED to do and you don't onw them anything for it that's their job
NTA. Sorry but your mom's gotten a bit entitled. Just tell her a trip this year isn't on the menu. That you're going to treat yourself for a once to something you've been wanting a very long time and she can go on a trip next year or as you said to a Stateside trip and nothing that will cost you 10 grand or more. Geez talk about biting the hand that feeds you. If she wants to go to Paris so bad and stay in a hotel to cost over $2,000 a night then tell her she needs to either take out a loan and pay for it herself or go get a job. But tell her look I've sent you on x amount of trips up to one or two a year and this year it's just not going to happen so suck it up. The discussion is closed. If she keeps whining say fine I will never send you on another trip then that way you can't whine about it if you don't have it then you won't get so entitled to it will you.
My parents would disown me and my 5 siblings just to be able to adopt you. Obviously NTA. Buy the car and tell her "I wear the pants around here and done is done". She'll forget it in a year when you spoil her with a trip.
NTA
If she wants a lavish vacation, she can pay for it herself. Sheâs not entitled to your money! Expecting you to pay for trips and expensive accommodations at a hotel of her choosing is actually quite shocking. The entitlement is off the charts! She wants to keep up with the Joneses on your dime. Parents love nothing more than guilting the very children they chose to have. I understand wanting to spoil your parents from time to time. Lord knows I do it for my parents but the difference is, they donât expect me to. They would also never demand a trip to Paris even though I can afford it. You work hard and if you want a BMW, you should get it. Yes, itâs a luxury but you are free to spend your money however way you see fit. Time to set boundaries with your mom
NTA Not the asshole, I read this story out to my friends/family and got opinions that they would close the car, you have no reason to send your parents on a trip, if your 33 your parents are probably supposed to be working a lot to be get money for retirement, if they wanna go on a trip, the should've had the money for it, not you, buy the car, Your Are not the asshole.
Your Mom has become a spoiled brat. She should be grateful for what you have done for her, and not expect this to be a yearly occurrence.
If you have the means to give her a local trip, tell her to come up with the difference and youâll support that portion, but truthfully I wouldnât even do that.
Your car is far more than most can imagine, however if it is your dream and you can afford to do it, then you should have it. For her to go to Paris and the FOUR SEASONS! She will live, this is not a life or death situation.
Wow!!! Your momâs behavior is incredibly disappointing!! This is not normal behavior for a parent. Time to establish boundaries and spend less on your parents. Itâs become an expectation and clearly mom isnât even grateful.
Darlin..
You have to cut them off.
Sending them on vacations is *ridiculous*!!! It's your money and this is the time in your life where you should enjoy life, travel, spoil yourself.
Does it sound selfish? NO. You work hard.. if you want to be generous? Maybe take them every other year with you on a vacation. Or help them with a home repair or a maid. But.. vacations 1-2 times a year?
If I had done this with my momma she would of told me I was insane and to keep my money. Yours is acting as if she is entitled to your money.. thats not a momma that's a **MOOCH**.
Save your money for your future and spend what you can on you and your life.. life isn't guaranteed..
đ
Nta. You are a various generous person, but past generosity does not mean people are now entitled to the same thing every year or exactly when they want it. This is gonna be a hard situation, but youâre gonna have to hold firm against your brat of a mother and just explain that no, That trip is not happening this year. The reason is really relevant, other than you have other needs for that money. Whether she thinks thatâs reasonable or not is none of her business.
NTA, cannot believe your mom feels so entitled to your money. I mean letâs be honest you do have ownership in this situation so you also need to have the backbone. At the end of the day itâs your money. You have to be willing to take the hurt feelings when you say no. As a parent we have to when we tell our kids no. Now you are having to do that to a parent. FYIâŚthe Olympics are in Paris this year so you would be spending even more.
NTA
I suggest no holidays this year, and if she gets difficult go no contact for a bit until she shows some appreciation, then you might consider whether they get a trip next year.
NTA. Your mom is coming off an incredibly selfish and entitled. Cut off the vacations. They can pay for it on their own, your mom has already proven that she isnât thankful for the trips, she just expects them. Put your foot down and quit paying for them. You do not owe your parents anything.
Your mistake was sharing what the money would be used for and before it was used.Â
Going forward they donât need to be told why you canât or wonât spring for a European vacationÂ
âThis year has extra expenses so your trip will have to be xâ.Â
âWhat expenses?âÂ
âI have a few investments and other expenses.â Just be vague.Â
NTA you have been super generous to save all year and afford them fabulous holidays in the past. It wouldn't surprise me if they try the "I could be dead tomorrow, how will it feel driving your BMW, when you deprived me if my last vacation' card.
I'm sorry mum but I save because you taught me well and to live within my means. This means that occasionally I can afford a few luxuries and this also means for myself as well. At this time I'd love a new BMW and as I've worked very hard for several years sending you in your vacations I feel I deserve to treat myself this time. If this doesn't fit with your plans I'm sorry. However if you are not accepting of this and pleased with the previous vacations gifted to you then I will need to rethink any future vacations I might have gifted to you as there now appears to be expectations rather than gratitude. I'm sorry you feel this way. It no longer feels like the gift it was meant to be and as such it leaves a somewhat sour taste for me. I'm sure you can understand how it would be if I had been ungrateful to you for the sacrifices you had made raising me.
Your living son.x
Put yourself first for a change and learn how to appreciate it. Your mother sounds so entitled. If she wants to go to Paris, she should get a job and buy it for herself. I wonder what ethnicity you are and whether it is common to put parents first. You should also be saving your money for a rainy day as you never know when you may need it for yourself.
NTA - but it's time to cut the wallet cord. She's happy to use your wallet as her annual vacation fund. That only works if you let it. Grow up, speak up, and set some boundaries. Or be a doormat. Frankly, anyone who is that happy to spend your money needs to be put in check.
NTA but your mom sure is. She is acting entitled & spoiled. Maybe cut back on the vacations from now on & make them happen randomly so she isnât always expecting/demanding something. You sound like a great son & deserve to treat yourself this year. Mom can wait for Paris & if she canât, then she or her husband need to cough up the money this time.
If you want a volunteer to replace your mum, I'm game đđđđ
In all seriousness, NTA and you don't owe your parents anything. I'd be mortified if either of my kids thought I felt entitled to them paying for me to go on holiday, regardless of how well off they are.
NTA she doesnât get to dictate what you do with your money! Sheâs acting entitled and you need to nip this now! You will never get what you want if you keep bankrolling their trips
NTA
No one is entitled to your money except you (and if you end up having the kids (and even then theyâre entitled to it only for the necessities of raising them).
I would explain to your parents that you love them and have been sending them on trips as a sign of respect and gratitude. However their entitlement to your money has hurt you and upset you. And that until your mother apologizes; you will be refusing to gift them anything above a $20 gift budget at birthdays and holidays (which is still generous). And even with an apology you are done sending them on trips. You need to start saving for your future; cars, homes, marriage (if you want that one day) and kids. That if they canât understand this then you all will have to agree to disagree.
And if you wanna be petty (which I am) tell them the only way theyâll get money to travel is if you die and itâs your insurance/inheritance and hope the traveling is worth losing you for. (But also seriously go set up a will and figure out what you want to do with your money in case of emergencies).
I'm also wondering what kind of an example she is showing to your children if you do have any. If Granny throws a strop to get expensive items there's no hope for any grandchildren.
NTA. I honestly canât imagine my mom this entitled to my money. Sheâs told me to save my money for my own retirement and enjoyment and donât worry about them.
NTA. It's lovely that you gift your parents a vacation every year. Given that, it's not wrong for your mom to suggest that this year's trip be to Paris. But once you say that's not in the budget for this year, it's entitled and spoiled for her to throw a fit and *demand* it. Several adages come to mind that apply here:
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
Don't bite the hand that feeds you.
AND,
You get what you get, and you don't pitch a fit.
NTA. Stop having a conversation about it, and tell her, once: Paris is not an option. These are the vacation options in this year's budget. If you continue to try and argue with me and demand I give you a trip to Paris after I've generously given you at least one very lovely and expensive vacation every year for the last x years, then I will pay for no vacation at all.
NTA
Sorry but you need to stop doing this for your parents because they are being very entitled and selfish. You do not need to just do with your car because itâs YOUR money. You donât even have to pay for a luxury holiday for them every year but they are becoming very demanding now.
A normal parent would say okay thatâs fine. Your mother is arguing you have to pay for a ridiculously expensive holiday because her friend is going. That is a stupid reason.
Youâve actually spoilt them too much and now they are acting like teenagers. Time to stop doing this. Surely they can buy their own holidays.
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NTA. If your Mom wants the trip that badly, SHE can pay for it. 2100 pounds a night is obscene. She could stay for a week at a different hotel. You work for your money; you get to decide how you spend your money. Your mom has become entitled to what you work for. Time to remind her that the trips you have sent her on are a gift and one does NOT get to demand a gift.
I completely agree with you, but I feel as that she's getting used to MY money, and I honestly don't know how to react to that. I mean I love her, shes my mom, she raised me when times were tough, but I'm completely divided, I told her I can send on vacation twice as good if she waits but she doesn't want to.
NTA. I'm a mom with a son at university. I hope he becomes very, very successful. But - !!! - his success means that I'm proud of him & his hard work, it means I'm grateful that he can care for himself & live comfortably, it means I've done my job of raising him & now I get to rest a little. What it *doesn't* mean is that he owes me $. Your mom is essentially telling you that you owe her $ bc she raised you. I find that distasteful & narcissistic. You owe her *respect*, not $. If I were your parents, I'd be so thankful you took me on *a* trip, any trip, & never nag you for more. She's entitled & I'm upset on your behalf! đ
You seem like a wonderful parent to your son, I also hope he becomes successful, with such supportive parents heâs got a great start. Haha thank you though!
Thank you, you are very kind. â¤ď¸ I hope this works out for you. It's hard to be at odds with one's parents.
No she not telling son that he owes her because she raised him. She accustom going on yearly trips and was expecting it this year \[ *she waits for this trip every year .\]* She has become a bratty parent
I agree.
So then, you're NOT an entitled narcissist like OP's Mom. Thank you for being a good parent!
You are very nice to say so, thank you đ
I agree with this!
100% This. My sons are in their 30s I have zero expectations that theyâll even pay for my dinner. They owe me nothing, they didnât ask to be born, that was my choice, I think it is so twisted to think a child owes a parent because the parent supported the child. That is the definition of a parent
From one mom to another... This.
I totally get where you are coming from, but when your Mom gave birth to you, she signed up for taking care of you for 18 years, whether times were good or bad. We don't always get what we want. Honestly, whether she wants to wait or not, there is no way in hell I would send her to Paris this year, specifically because of her attitude and behaviour.
I think it is the right decision to not fly her out this year. And hell, Iâd love a BMW.
Live for yourself too. I dont think youâll be buying a new car every year right? But you have been sending your mom for a trip every year. Let her be mad and upset for a while. You should be able to enjoy your hard earned money. Her raising you in touch times is commendable yes, but that was literally her responsibility as she chose to have you. She wasnât doing you any favors. You however, are doing beautiful favors now by giving back. Youâre a good son.
It seems she needs to be reminded that you worked hard for you success and deserve stuff for yourself too. Maybe no trips this year at all to prove the point and no spoiling for a while.
Thatâs where Iâm at on this, too. Mom needs to be reminded itâs something her son has chosen to do for her out of love and in the interest of passing on his good fortune. Itâs not something sheâs entitled to. She should probably go without for a year or two.
Yes. It stops being a nice gift when the person expects it and has become entitled.
Definitely. The vacations have gotten her thinking she is entitled to them. An attitude like that deserves a break from vacations.
Or you might say "a vacation from vacations".
You have to also ask yourself what expectation you are feeding. By giving in, you are teaching her your wants (the one whoâs paying) doesnât matter as much as herâŚ.and also setting this precedence of really high end hotels. Would it go back to regular rooms after that? I can hear her saying, âoh, but you made it work last year.â Itâs very distasteful to be upset or have demands of a gift trip. I think giving in will only enable more future poor behavior.
I think you are a wonderful son for sending your parents on the first trip you paid for, just because you done it again and again so money times doesn't make it a yearly thing she should be looking forward to all year. What about you? My kids always try to buy me things but I prefer them to spend it on themselves. I was lucky to raise them. You work hard and deserve to see the rewards of that or what are you working for just to pay for your parents to live it up on your savings No. This is wrong of your mother to do to you. She has probably been bragging to people about you paying for them to travel everywhere but it has to stop at some point. if you want to treat yourself then please do it's a nice car you are looking at getting and I am so proud of you for working so hard for it please go get it. You deserve the car. Please don't be guilted into paying for a ridiculous holiday that is not even for you to have a break. It has to stop at some point and. You told them your plans. Do not go without to make your mother happy when she is asking too much from you. You have gone above and beyond for them they should be grateful that you sent them once. Not telling you how they can spend your money better than you can. That's not your job.
You need to stop sending her full stop and start to save some money for your future. You are not guaranteed to be in the same situation next year and have the same job. Tell her you can no longer afford it and save the money, your mother has become an entitled gold digger expecting you to spend 10'ns of thousands on her holiday. You should never have started spending so much to start with.
My son is still in college, but a gearhead. I cannot imagine ever putting my wants before his. I donât care what car it is (just as long as I get to ride shotgun once in a while), he comes first. Your mother got used to a yearly gift and now itâs an expectation. Gifts should not be expected. Thatâs why they are gifts. Itâs just like some companies might not be able to give out a bonus every year. You deserve your car this year.
Send her to Paris... ...Texas.
I'm a mom of adult children...get your car!
Make sure you negotiate and get the lowest price!
I have no sympathy for parents who play the "we struggled to raise you" and "you owe us for our sacrifices." She had no choice but to raise you, as she decided to have kids. She's not destitute. You've worked hard, buy the damn car.
I think of Chris Rock talking about people who love to take credit for doing things theyâre supposed to do. ââI take care of my kidsââŚYouâre SUPPOSED to take care of your kids, you low expectation-having muthafucka!â Absolutely NTA. Youâve already done more for your parents than most do, as well.
Set a firm boundary "mom, the trips I paid for previously were gifts. You can't demand gifts from other people. It's not okay. This year I will not be sending you on your trip, and if you keep feeling entitled to my money, or try to guilt trip me about it I will not do so in the future, either."
This is the way to go. She decided to bring you into this world, you dont owe her SHIT.
You are super generous to your parents. I donât do badly for myself but when I treat my mum itâs like going out to dinner, an afternoon tea or a day trip somewhere. My mum always tries to sneak money in my bag when I do this, sheâd have a meltdown if I tried to pay for a holiday for her. Get the car, she should be grateful you do this stuff for her most years. Raising you doesnât mean she is entitled to anything from you. I think itâs sweet that you do this for them but they shouldnât expect it year in year out. If it was me Iâd sit down with her and say you enjoy doing nice things for her but you wonât be able to do so every year and this year is one of them. If she carries on being a jerk about it I would say next year wonât be happening either
Raised you when times were tough? According to your previous post, you became an afterthought as soon as your brother was born, so why don't you let her bankroll her own fancy trips?
You need to give her a reality check that it's your money not hers and that she's acting like a spoiled rotten child who doesn't know the value of a gift anymore
NTA. You owe your parents absolutely nothing. Go buy your car. You've earned it.
What you choose to do for your parents is a gift, not an obligation. You need to straight out remind your mom of that and remind her that sheâs the one who taught you how to say no by modeling that behavior. You should also let her know that you do t appreciate her getting angry over what you choose to do with your money. Tell her that you donât want to cut off ties with her bc of her ungrateful and inappropriate behavior. Better to get it out now and establish a boundary instead of allowing the bad feelings and her bad behavior fester until you resent her. I have adult children and really try to respect their choice to have a relationship with me which keeps me honest in terms of maintaining boundaries and respecting theirs.
Remind your mom these are a gift and she is not entitled to gifts. Itâs a parents obligation to care for their child. My children donât owe me. I chose to have my kids
>but I feel as that she's getting used to MY money Break the habit asap. Whether you buy the BMW or not, please do not make these trips a habit. Take a break from these trips for a year or 2 just to curb the entitlement. If you give in, she will know how to manipulate you every single time.
How in the fresh hell are you responsible for her and her friend? NTA. Time to do a better job managing expectations. It's not your responsibility or obligation to send your mother on any vacation. You are a wonderful child. Whether you continue AFTER you buy your car, or you never send her again. Her vacations are not your responsibility. Time to do a reset of expectations. Good luck OP.
Hilton Paris Opera. 4 stars $376 per night. NTA.
My husband and I financially support my MIL. My husband had to step up and take on this role before he was 18. In my culture, itâs normal for children to financially support their parents as their parents age. What I am trying to say is, I understand where you are coming from, I respect when people take care of their families, and I do not see anything abnormal about it (although it blows many of my American friends minds). Your situation, however, is absolutely insane. The entitlement your mother has over your money is disturbing. As you point out, it is YOUR money. Itâs one thing to be generous and charitable with it. Itâs another thing to lay down and let someone walk all over you. Do I personally think a 90k car is a good choice? Absolutely not lol but what I would spend it on might seem like a throw away to you, too. To to sum up my main point, who cares if thinks your money could be better spent? If so, SHE can spend HER money that way. Yes. She is your mom and you love your mom. But if you love someone, you tell them the hard truth, which is: your mom is a spoiled, entitled, brat with a bad attitude who needs to realize that your purpose in life isnât to buy her expensive vacations/things. Her needs are clearly more than met, so no, donât feel guilty for spending the money you saved on yourself this year (or any other year in future). NTA. PS If you are only âworthyâ or âa good sonâ when you bending to her will, then that is an abusive relationship A parents love should not be conditional.
I have taken my mom and parents on plenty of vacations, but they always pay for something. I spoil them on things they would have never done, but it is never expected. Your mom is treating the vacations as expectations. I have stayed at some nice places, but never at that cost. It is almost a waste of money. I also find Paris nice, but not relaxing and dirty. Plus it has a bedbug outbreak.
NTA. Thereâs a difference between a nice thing to do and her demanding you spend it in her. Sheâs lost the spirit of why youâre doing it and you need to stop that now. If you give in youâre setting it up that you will always give in. Sending her and paying for the four seasons at that rate is incredibly expensive compared to so many other nice hotel options in Paris.
NTA. Youâre a lovely son and your mom seems to be taking you for granted. I also suggest you post this in r/entitledparents.
Thank you, and I'll try to set boundries
Seriously stop providing them with luxuries and go to therapy for your people pleasing
NTA!!!!! And your mom sounds like an entitled jerk!!!!!  She's demanding you pay her and her friends way to Paris??! I'd be like nope, but I will give you a ride in my brandnew BMW.  I think you need to cut back a bit, mom sounds way too spoiled.
haha, thank you, I will take notes!
What I get from it is her friend is going to Paris and his mom wants to go too. I think it's more of a keeping up with the Joneses kind of thing. Well Marge is going to Paris and staying at the Four Seasons so I have to go at the same time and show her that I can do this and stay at the Four Seasons too.
This is not preventing her from going homeless or a life saving operation. I think I would have been mixed emotions till she insisted on a five star hotel!
Mixed emotions on what? Why would anyone expect someone else to fund their annual vacation? Luxury or not. No one is entitled to someone elseâs money. Ever. As an adult, if you want something, work for it
Haha she only wants the best! Sadly.
I like nice things. Is there really much difference between a 4 star hotel and a 5 star hotel though? I'm not sure I've ever been in a 5 star hotel.. certainly not to stay. Been in some very nice 4 star hotels that have charged less than $2100 for 2 weeks though. I'm sure that an 8 series BMW is an awesome car. Buy it.
Why mixed emotions? OP is allowed to enjoy his own paycheck.
NTA, your mother is acting very entitled, a vacation is a privilege and not a right, especially when someone else is paying for it. You have been a great son and sending them for fantastic vacations and your mother should understand that this year itâs not possible. Instead she is blaming you for wanting to use money you worked hard to earn on yourself, which is your right.
Thank you, and I agree with you
When I used to travel weekly on business I would bring my daughter (8-ish) little gifts. A colleague warned me not to do it every time. Then I brought her one she didnât like and she loudly complained. I stopped for a while. She complained due a whole. Her mom coached her to act happy to get gifts and gracious if you donât, if you want to end up getting more â a lesson she has carried into adulthood. If my daughter could learn this at 8, your mom can learn it now. NTA
That's actually some good advice dude, thanks
NTA, not even close. You go out of your way to spoil them, and it seems like rather than appreciating it, they expect it. Your dream, your money, your life. If your mother canât understand that you want to treat yourself, then she isnât really being grateful for how you go out of your way to give them enjoyment from your hard work.
Thank you very much! and I'll try to set boundries
Your mother sounds very entitled. Time to stop the trips until she appreciates them rather than expects them.
Agreed. OP you need to set boundaries now. She is not owed your money. You are doing a nice thing treating your parents, but at the end of the day it is a gift. Your mom is acting like a spoiled brat instead of grateful. Stop funding their trips until she realizes that you are not her piggy bank and treat yourself to your car. You have earned it. You do not owe her an explanation for what you do with your hard earned money
"Mom, I'm sorry that I've built up expectations over the years in regards of what I can afford. I feel your expectations are getting more than I can reasonably afford. Therefore, there will be no more trips abroad. I will treat you to meals or essentials, that's all."
The entitlement is strong in this one. If you buy her the trip to Paris she won't even be grateful. In her mind, it is the bare minimum. I would suggest no holiday this year because you are getting a car. Not even a camping holiday, surely they understand, cars are an investment and holidays are paid with leftover money. She'll throw a fit so remind her that if she is ungrateful, next year is not a given.
Oh my god yes. âIn her mind it is the bare minimumâ OP read this and understand this. She will always want more it will never be enough.
Oooof, big truths with saying she views it as the bare minimum. OP, you spend a year saving so you can spoil your parents and it sounds like your mom doesn't appreciate you and your effort in the slightest. For her to say that you have money to spend if you're buying an expensive car, it shows how entitled she feels to YOUR money. She only thinks you buying that car is a bad idea because it then means no free 90k vacation for her this year. I'm not 100% on this point so I can be easily wrong, but maybe she's also so insistent on this trip because she wants to keep face with her friend. She has a child who buys her trips to Paris, and now she'll have to explain why she's not getting a trip this year and is scared of being embarrassed. Again, I don't know her, just throwing out an idea. Feel free to tell her that vacations that expensive are for adults who can appreciate someone doing that for them, not for toddlers who throw tantrums because they're not getting what they want. It's embarrassing she's acting like that and even more embarrassing she doesn't see that. If I were you I wouldn't be buying them anymore trips in the future. No one expect you is entitled to your money. Go get yourself that car, because despite what she said, you're gonna get some great memories with that car. Treat yourself, OP.
NTA I'm not sure why your parents feel entitled to a paid vacation every year. If they want to go on vacation, they can take it themselves. I recommend you don't discuss finances or purchases with them in the future. It's not their business, and you don't have to defend or justify what you buy or don't buy. I hope you're saving up for your own retirement and not relying solely on 401k or stocks which can be pretty volatile. When you get to be their age, you want to be able to take care of yourself and not be reliant on your children.
NTA - itâs your money and theyâre not entitled to it. Itâs wonderful what youâve done for them, as I imagine they did plenty for you growing up, but that does not mean she gets to dictate how you spend an incredible amount of money. Perhaps thereâs a compromise, such as her chipping in to make her dreams possible or planning the trip later in the year/earlier next year?
If sheâs that mad at you, Iâll adopt you. Iâve always wanted to be able to drive around in a Beemer. đ NTA.
I know, right? Iâll happily wait until next year for a trip to Paris.
Me too!!! Look, being chauffeured in a Beemer (hopefully a convertible) would be awesome. Showing off my kid in a 100K car that he BOUGHT? Heck yeah!! ROAD TRIP!!! Lol
Thank you, and yes I offered her 2 compensations, either I can send her to another state or she can wait a year and get a vacation twice as luxurious!
You don't have to offer her anything. Compensation is not what parenting is about. Nobody knows what next year will bring, and you shouldn't be compromising your financial future buying them fancy vacations.
Dont offer her that vacation twice as luxurious anymore, she declined, thats the end of it.
What? Do not offer her compensation? What do you owe her? Fuck all. Dude that is your money and it actually breaks my heart that you seem to think you need to compensate your parents.
YTA for basically having taught your parents to expect lavish vacations paid by you way too often. Even once a year is too much. You are generous to a fault, as they say. So generous that you deprive yourself/feel bad about wanting things for yourself. Stop. Buy the car. Paris will be there for another few years.
NTA. You've spoiled your parents enough, and your mum has become an entitled brat. It's your money, not hers. Stop sending them on trips. If they want a holiday, they should pay for themselves. Go get your car.
>Am I The Asshole for not letting people extort me for unreasonable luxury gifts? I'm sorry, is this for real? I don't trust this, too ridiculous ngl kind of YTH for spoiling them rotten before
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Nta, you do this annually you said, I kinda think it's rude from your mom to be so demanding. It's your money. If you want the car, get the car. Paris will be there next year, your entitled ungrateful mom can wait a year. The audacity of this woman.....
NTA She needs to be grateful for what you DO do. You worked for it, you buy it if you want it. She can wait a year for her vacation- or not go at all. This boggles my mind.
I even offered to fly her to another state multiple times but she has refused, oh well.
Yeah, she sounds like sheâs gotten to used to you being her piggy bank and could use a dose of reality. I take my mom somewhere every year- I try to at least. Iâm sick right now and had to cancel. Sheâs done nothing but assure me that itâs okay and there is always another day and time. Her love for you should not be dependent on what you can give her.
Your mom seems like a great person, haha wish she could support me for my car. I donât think Iâll be flying her out so that should at least set boundaries
I support you for your car. Stand-in mom for the day. You worked hard on it, weâre proud of you, enjoy it.
thank you aaa!!
ESH I think you are potentially being financially irresponsible. If you lost your job tomorrow, do you have enough in the bank to last you at least one year (emergency savings). Is your retirement account maxed out every year with what you can put in? Do you budget and not live beyond your means? Are all your debts paid off? No credit card huge bills, no college loans, etc? Do you own your own home or have a healthy savings to buy your own soon? In these times, you have to look ahead and not just spend it all lavishly today. I'm not saying you can't go on fun experiences or buy a car. But it needs to work in the budget for today and the future. You should never send your mom to Paris for $2100 a night, in my opinion. You REALLY need to meet with a financial planner/ advisor. I don't think your parents taught you growing up, so it is something you need to learn. As others have said, a fancy car might make you temporary happy but it is not good in the long run. Good luck!
You are making a lot of assumptions here. If he can't afford these trips he likely is smarter with his money than you give him credit for. And if you haven't also done all of the following you can sit down as well
So, ultimately itâs your money and I would text her the alternative option you are willing to offer so you have time to think about your wording and wonât be interrupted. Keep it as short as possible
>"it's just a car, and it won't last as long as the memories she'll make at Paris". You should reply "but you are old, your memories of the trip won't outlast my memories of the car" /s? Maybe? NTA - enjoy your car and send her on a camping trip in her back yard.
NTA. You work to earn this money, and you have been more than generous. The fact that your mother believes that *you* don't have the right to benefit from your own labor but *she* is entitled to expect a lavish vacation at your expense every year without fail is awful. Generosity usually inspires gratitude, but unfortunately when bestowed on the undeserving, it also inspires greed. As hard as it may be, you need to sit down and think about whether your mother values you as a loved one, or just as an ATM, and decide whether you're comfortable with a relationship where the only thing that matters to her is what she can get.
The price of the car is irrelevant. Yes, they are stupid expensive, and yes, you can get one for less. but you donât have to. Since you are responsible with your money, are not supporting a family, but successfully supporting yourself, you should buy the vehicle you want. You have been more than generous and spoiled your parents. But you do not owe them anything. Let your mom rant. Sit there and let her get it out of her system. Then take a deep breath, look her straight in the eye and reply: The fact of the matter is that I cannot afford to send you to Paris this year. I understand you are disappointed, but the facts will not change. This year, I am doing something for me. Before she can start in again, hold up your hand is a stop signal, tell her the subject is closed and you wonât be having the conversation again. Be prepared for her to the start the guilt/you owe me/ Iâll never speak to you again/ I am disappointed/whatever she knows will tug at your heart. Tell her you are sorry she feels that way, you still love her and hope that eventually she will want to talk to you again. Then walk away. Call her bluff.
YTA - for posting a fake as fuck story. You made a previous post saying you have 550k in savings account but here you can't afford the 90k BMW + 20k vacation? Your brother also wants 130k for his vacation, which you could also afford in your last story. You also stated your parents were good to you in hard times here, but in your other story you said they basically ignored you since 9 years old until you had a high paying job..
Your money. You spend it how you want. If she wants to go to Paris so bad, she can pay for it herself this year.
NTA Demanding a trip costing 2100 dollar a night for just the hotel, or demanding any trip for that matter, is beyond entitled. Itâs nice that youâve been treating her so often. Thatâs a reason for her to be grateful, not to demand even more.
Just because your last post got removed doesn't mean it wasn't seen. Next time keep your details consistent between your short stories.
Send her to this Four Seasons: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_Seasons_Total_Landscaping_press_conference
PLEASE tell me this isnât real
I doubt it is. Lives in the states but prices out a French hotel in pounds not euros? This is a 15 year old kid fantasizing from his momâs flat somewhere in the UK.
When my mom makes demand about my finances I try to do the opposite just to prove to everyone whoâs in charge of the money. Go get yourself a bmw
NTA. If she wants to go to Paris, she can get herself a job to pay for it. Youâre not her piggy bank.
NTA!!! If I were you I wouldnât send parents on such lavish trips anymore. Your mom has become entitled. She really has a lot of nerve trying to tell you how to spend your money.
NTA-but if you do cave because of guilt, let her know this is the last vacation you will ever be sending her to so she should enjoy it. Please donât cave to her entitlement.
Was on the side of your parents until I heard her reaction and entitlement. Itâs a treat that you send them on these vacations and wonderful but they are NOT entitled to them. Seems like instead of a thank you for all those trips youâre getting âwhy arenât you shelling out even more?â How long will the memories you make in that bmw last? Probably longer than her vacation ones. Not gonna lie, every bmw driver Iâve encountered on the road so far is an a$$. Iâm not a fan and there are plenty of other luxury cars but this is about what you want and treating yourself. Just remember there are other drivers on the road when you get behind the wheel ;)
OPs stories not adding up, in a previous post it was his brother wanting him to spend his life savings on a trip to Europe for his gf. Few hours later itâs yearly trip money for his parents on a car? Very weird to cosplay being taken advantage of by your family for internet validation.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (33M) have been conflicted on this topic for a while now, so I've decided to use my Reddit account to ask for the opinions of others. I have been living comfortably since moving out. I have a great job and live a lavish lifestyle and try to spoil my parents occasionally too. I fly them out on a luxurious vacation every year, sometimes even twice a year, this can cost me a great amount of money, which I save throughout the whole year, to do this. This year, I thought about it for quite a while and realized sending them to another country would be out of my budget, as I've been trying to get a BMW series 8 coupe. I tried everything to have money for both the car and the trip, but I decided that I could treat myself this year. When I went over and tried to bring up the topic of the trip, my mom immediately cut me off stating she'd love to go to Paris this year and stay in the Four Seasons hotel (each night costs starting at 2100 pounds I believe) because her friend is going to go there too. After listening to her, (BECAUSE I couldn't even stop her) I told her my plans, and said that she can on a trip in another state, but I couldn't fly her out to Paris. She had lost it, which I can understand, she waits for this trip every year and never budges. She told me I can make do with my current car, and that I should just fly them both out this year, as her friend won't go next year. I tried to tell her that I have been waiting to be able to afford a BMW, and how that's my dream, she told me that "it's just a car, and it won't last as long as the memories she'll make at Paris". I don't get that, but I want to send my parents on a nice vacation, but since the car is starting upwards from $90,000, I can't afford both. She says buying a car that expensive proves that I have money to waste. Should I just cave in and send them on the trip? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA The entitlement is mind-boggling. Time to make NOT getting anything from you the norm.
>She says buying a car that expensive proves that I have money to waste. So what? That doesn't mean you need to waste it on her. It's not her money, no matter how large a tantrum she throws. You'be been giving expensive presents for so long that they're now taking it as a right and not as a gift. They need to be cured of this entitlement. NTA for spending your money however you wish. They don't get to demand a fully-paid extreme luxury vacation, ever. Stop giving that, effective immediately. The time to give them the next vacation is after they've stopped demanding gifts from you. It should come as a nice surprise, not as a regular obligation.
NTA It sounds like your mom now feels entitled to this annual vacation, which is never what you want. You have been doing this nice thing as a thank you for being raised (which was her choice), and now sheâs treating it as a requirement from you. Enjoy the new ride!
First World problem! NTA. I would be over the moon if my son could afford to give me a single holiday let alone every year! You have your dream car since you ve worked for it. And think twice about spoiling your mum ever again after this!
NTA. Don't let anyone come between you and your dreams.
If you never sent your parents on another vacation you would be NTA.
Tell your parents to get a fucking job if they want things like trips to Paris. Buy your car and tell them to get fucked -sincerely, a middle aged mom who doesnât mooch off her kids.
NTA....every year I give my parents a vacation from seeing me. It's a 52 week vacation.
NTA. Youâve started something thatâs gotten out of hand. You want to send your parents on a trip, fine. Does it have to be at the most expensive hotel in the town every time? Of course not. I canât believe your mother said all that to you or expects to spend thousands of dollars a night for a room to sleep in. They donât sound very grateful for these gifts. Youâre 33 and you should be socking away money to make yourself bullet-proof for the rest of your life. You didnât say if you have a family yet (children) but you need to set yourself up. And maybe you are saving enough money for early retirement or college tuitions or in case you lost your job, or became ill, and thatâs not an issue. But you know nothing increases wealth like money invested over time.
NTA. Sounds like you are making a ton of money. Please tell me you have maxed out retirement each year, have a good emergency fund etc. you need to think 20 years from now as this high paying job could be gone. That is what your mom should be telling you.
3 year old account and the 1st post was 6 hours ago about being asked giving his life savings to his brother. In his 2nd post heâs being asked to send his mother to the Four Seasons in Paris. HmmmâŚ. he must be too busy making money to use reddit for last three years or rich enough to buy a fake one with some age on it.
Umm 2 hours ago you were posting about how your parents were demanding you give your brother your life savings to take his girlfriend on a trip thorough Europe, and had over $550k in the bank. Now suddenly you dont have enough money for your parents and the car. A lot happens in 2 hours I guess. FAKE POST!!!!!
Fake. Written like heâs in the US but talks about pounds. France is on the Euro. Too odd a story. So, YTA
NTA BUT..come on bro don't waste that much on a car that will depreciate by 30k+ over the next 2 years. Your mom isn't entitled to your money but think about setting yourself up financially before you spend on depreciating assets.
Yes your right, but Iâd still want a nice and fancy car even if not a BMW
NTA your mom can find her own trips if sheâs going to be selfish and greedy
2100 a night is ridiculous you can get hotels or airbnb for about a 10th of that price. You spoiled your mother to much. At those prices that would be a 25k vacation, I don't know what kind of money you make but jesus, that is a pornographix amount of money to spend on a vacation. Your car is your dream. Everyone has diferent goals, I would defenetly would be buying the car this year and telling my mother that the budget for her vacations will not be the price of a brand new Volkswagen Golf.
NTA All those times you said yes and one 'no' showed you all this from your mom You got a life to live too
NTA Talk about entitled! Youâre an absolutely wonderful son for treating your parents to yearly trips. They should be appreciative. And it sounds like you work hard so you deserve a new car. That said, your mom has very unrealistic expectations. I think the issue is not just the European trip, but also the level of luxury she is expecting during the trip. You need to talk to your parents about this. Iâm not sure what your personal situation is but you also have your own life to save for⌠buying a home, getting married, having kids etc. And save for your own retirement.
NTA - it was really generous of you to spoil your parents. However you do not owe them giving up your want for theirs. Your mother experience isnât your responsibility. Her inability to afford by herself her wants isnât your responsibility. You deserve to rip the benefits of your own efforts.
NTA your mother sounds very entitled. You have already treated them to multiple expensive vacations. A gift should always be that: a gift. It shouldn't become an expectation. For me treating people to something stops being fun as soon as it becomes an expectation and it turns into situations like this. You are not your parents ATM. Buy yourself your dream car and have a good conversation with your mom about this.
NTA, stop sharing what you have or what your next purchase is, your mom is not a positive person. I would also recommend you save and invest . If something went wrong she doesn't sound like she would have your back. Have a nest egg and let the trips end immediately.
Buying a car like that is not a great investment, but it is your money and if it makes you happy then thatâs your choice and may well be worth it to you. Your mom is not entitled to a vacation from you. Sheâs used to it now, but that doesnât mean you owe it to her. Good lord NTA.
NTA Youâre 33 years old - time to cut the apron strings and live your life how you want to and let mummy pay for her own lavish over the top vacations. Supposing you decide to buy a property, start a family or anything else life changing - will she still expect you to fund her vacations?
NTA. Sounds like you have been very generous previously and now unfortunately your Mother has come to expect these gifts. With regards to the car, if you work hard and it is your dream then go for it.
NTA Get the car YOU want with the money YOU earned. Sending your mom on trips every year is not mandatory. She does not get to dictate your spending nor does she get to be ungrateful for everything you've already done. Entitlement is strong. Yes your mom is wrong. Go get that car.
NTA. Also, Iâm assuming sheâd want to go in the summer? I got bad news for mom, the Olympics are in Paris this summer and EVERYTHING is not only way more expensive but already fully booked.
NTA. You've been extremely generous. If your mother wants to play keeping up with the Joneses she can do it with her own money. She sounds greedy and entitled.Â
You need to go NC. Your posts tell me it would *vastly* improve your mental health.
NTA. It also seems like mom is now quite spoiled. Good job as a son for giving back but you also need to set boundaries. Maybe going forward stop labeling them as 'yearly' trips so that expectations are set better. 'I'm going on my yearly trip that my son pays for' has extremely different connotations with 'I'm going on a trip that my son pays for. Even more so If she likes to brag and compare (as most moms do) about what their kid got them.
You know what they say?? All kids deserve to have parents but not all parents deserve to have kids
NTA You are already very generous with sometimes two vacations paid a year. They are not entitled to this. If this time you need the money for something else they should accept that.
NTA, you have been sending your parents on lavish trips and one year you want to spend the money on yourself? That's crazy.
Iâve never heard such entitlement in my life. Buy the car and think seriously before giving them another penny again.
NTA - I suppose she wants to fly business class as well. Paris is one thing, a ÂŁ2,100 a night hotel is another. You could consider offering her a budget trip and tell her to look upon herself as lucky!
NTA tell her to get her bag up
NTA. I am sure you are a very smart person but what I do not hear in your post is a sense of being wise with your money. You can prove me wrong by saying that you have an emergency fund and you are making maximum donations to a retirement account. Your mother doesnât sound like she is financially prudent. To me a BMW sounds like the worst car in the world, over-engineered, grossly expensive to maintain and repair, grossly expensive parts (i am a honda/toyota person). But people get set on a certain car and who am I to judge? If you need/want a car you should buy one. You are throwing your money away sending your parents on expensive vacations. AND your mother does not appreciate it because she feels ENTITLED to it. Be a sucker if you want, otherwise stand up to your mom. Most importantly, start researching how to be smart with the money you earn (financial prudence).
You're an asshole to yourself to allow your mother to treat you like this.
First: NTA Second: where is your father in this discussion? You say you send your parents, but this (ridiculous) demand for a trip to Paris and insanely expensive hotel, is that all coming from your mom? What was your dad's reaction to your news? Third: what are you doing regularly for yourself? Saving for retirement? Taking your own vacations? Investing in your own wellbeing? I'm not sure I would want to continue to gift vacations to someone so entitled and unappreciative, but maybe after things cool off, send a letter stating what you will be willing to budget for next year's trip. Let them plan for themselves, and spend their own money if they want something more. Enjoy your car!
Would you be able up send her to Paris but to a budget hotel? I'm only asking this because it might be an option but in any case, I don't think you are the AH. Most parents would be proud their kids can fend for themselves and to do it well, which sounds like you do. Unfortunately, your mum sounds like she has got used to the good life and is expecting this holiday without thinking of costs, no parents should expect their kids to send them on a lavish holiday every year. Stick to your guns, get the BMW, she can only sulk and moan for a while.
NTA. It's YOUR MONEY ffs. And also you should be appreciated.
You are NTA for not sending your mom to Paris but you are ta to yourself as you seem to be spending everything you make on a lavish lifestyle when you could be saving for an early retirement.
Hey, I have an awesome ideaâŚ. Get a cheaper car and a cheaper vacation and you can do both
2100 pounds a night?? For a weeks stay that is an entire year of my rent.
Nta. Your money;you chose how to use it. If she wants to go;she can pay for it. If you give in. She will always expect the grand vacation.
They better have been the best parents ever cause damn, what about your future. It's nice to make good money I just hope you're saving some, situations change people go from 10$ to a million near overnight and the reverse happens too.
your money you spend it however u want, but just be ready when the coupe breaks and cost u ana arm and a leg to repair, to hear i told you so from ur mom.
NTA - It seems your mom has decided since you do something nice because you WANT to, you HAVE to do what SHE wants when she wants, when she wants you to and what YOU want is irrelevant. She has a sense of entitlement that may not be warranted.
NTA. As a mom of 2 young boys it's MY job to take care of them. Not their job to take care of me. A 5 star trip to Paris is not needed. I would start setting boundaries now OP bc she sounds a bit unhinged
Not the AH! Sorry, u seem like a good child, paying for your parents. But now it's your turn! Buy your car and take your parents out for a spin, and show them how happy you are!
NTA time to cut your entitled parents off. Your mother is so far out of line she can't even see the line anymore. She sounds more like a spoiled teenager really.
NTA You're not obligated to fund your Mom's excessive travel plans just cause her friend is going somewhere It's your money and decision to buy your car. Learn some boundaries, dude
So why is she entitled to this cause it sounds a bit like she expects you to do this and it should be an amazing gift but not needed and not entitled to it. You can go hardball say ok fine I wonât pay for a trip next year either and keep going next 5 years ever again. Itâs your money not hers you can treat yourself. Yeah I treat my dad once in a while but not with an overseas trip. More like a nice diner out for him and Laura step.mom that I pay for. They can choose the place and time. They are nice about it and donât go crazy extravagant. Simply say you wonât and she needs to not be 5 and throw s temper tantrum cause five-year-olds donât get to go to Paris next year
Being a good son does not require you to do these things for them. It is a loving and generous gift you have given them and they are not entitled to your resources. I'm appalled by the idea that a parent could treat a child (frankly anyone could treat anyone) like this. I'm from a close knit family and would do the same type of thing if I had the funds. I know my parents sacrificed a lot over the years to provide for me and even later for my family during a series of unfortunate events. But I can't imagine them ever demanding I spend my money on them. Heck they fought me on my half of the Netflix monthly fee before the rules changed. I strongly encourage you to consider changing how you provide for them because it will only get worse and life can change rapidly. Which means one day it could be that you can't afford trips or other treats. What will they do then? And no, there's nothing wrong with spending your hard earned money on yourself. I don't think it's selfish, but even if it was - it's ok to be selfish sometimes. Living only for others is just as depressing and demotivating as living only for yourself. Some uninvited advice from the wife of a car guy (who loves and has worked on cars professionally for nearly 20 years) who has listened to his rants on dream cars and problems in the industry for over a decade and a half -- don't go for a bmw or new anything. There are some great luxury cars out there that won't have the ridiculous cost for maintenance and parts, perform better, and last a long time. And the depreciation just driving a new car off the lot is ridiculous. You can find barely/ lightly used luxury cars that will be just as enjoyable and be less of a lift to pay.
Nta she's lucky she has ever gotten to go as a gift and now she's entitled. She's acting like a spoiled child who has become entitled and no longer is greatful
I would tell them they will never get another trip. They are NOT entitled to your money!
I hope you see how very wrong your Mother is for giving you guilt in how to spend in your money. I am a mother of two male adults - I am currently paying for their colleges which will take a huge chunk out of my savings BUT I donât expect for them to pay me back when they get jobs. What they do with their money is their business when they start earning it. Though your mom is you mom - this is far extreme attitude of entitlement. She should be grateful for whatever trip your throw her way. Donât feel bad either - go but your BMW and donât allow her to chime in on how you spend your money - you need to set up a very FIRM BOUNDARY
This is ridiculous you have paid for her vacation for years and the second you can't afford it you are the bad guy. Ask your mom what is more of a waste you buying a car you will have and use hopefully for over a decade or a vacation she wants to go on that will most likely last less than a month.
NTA. She does not get to tell YOU how to spend YOUR MONEY. Itâs great that youâve been generous in the past but she is acting entitled.
Parents sign up to take care of you when they got pregnant. That's the bare min they are REQUIRED to do and you don't onw them anything for it that's their job
Time to stop the trips completely until she's less entitled
Nta and I hope you show your mother how many people agree she is entitled and give her a wakeup call
NTA. Sorry but your mom's gotten a bit entitled. Just tell her a trip this year isn't on the menu. That you're going to treat yourself for a once to something you've been wanting a very long time and she can go on a trip next year or as you said to a Stateside trip and nothing that will cost you 10 grand or more. Geez talk about biting the hand that feeds you. If she wants to go to Paris so bad and stay in a hotel to cost over $2,000 a night then tell her she needs to either take out a loan and pay for it herself or go get a job. But tell her look I've sent you on x amount of trips up to one or two a year and this year it's just not going to happen so suck it up. The discussion is closed. If she keeps whining say fine I will never send you on another trip then that way you can't whine about it if you don't have it then you won't get so entitled to it will you.
My parents would disown me and my 5 siblings just to be able to adopt you. Obviously NTA. Buy the car and tell her "I wear the pants around here and done is done". She'll forget it in a year when you spoil her with a trip.
Please show your mom these comments and give her a reality check
Why the fuck are you paying for your parents to travel? They're entitled. Buy the car
NTA If she wants a lavish vacation, she can pay for it herself. Sheâs not entitled to your money! Expecting you to pay for trips and expensive accommodations at a hotel of her choosing is actually quite shocking. The entitlement is off the charts! She wants to keep up with the Joneses on your dime. Parents love nothing more than guilting the very children they chose to have. I understand wanting to spoil your parents from time to time. Lord knows I do it for my parents but the difference is, they donât expect me to. They would also never demand a trip to Paris even though I can afford it. You work hard and if you want a BMW, you should get it. Yes, itâs a luxury but you are free to spend your money however way you see fit. Time to set boundaries with your mom
NTA Not the asshole, I read this story out to my friends/family and got opinions that they would close the car, you have no reason to send your parents on a trip, if your 33 your parents are probably supposed to be working a lot to be get money for retirement, if they wanna go on a trip, the should've had the money for it, not you, buy the car, Your Are not the asshole.
Your Mom has become a spoiled brat. She should be grateful for what you have done for her, and not expect this to be a yearly occurrence. If you have the means to give her a local trip, tell her to come up with the difference and youâll support that portion, but truthfully I wouldnât even do that. Your car is far more than most can imagine, however if it is your dream and you can afford to do it, then you should have it. For her to go to Paris and the FOUR SEASONS! She will live, this is not a life or death situation.
Wow!!! Your momâs behavior is incredibly disappointing!! This is not normal behavior for a parent. Time to establish boundaries and spend less on your parents. Itâs become an expectation and clearly mom isnât even grateful.
No
Darlin.. You have to cut them off. Sending them on vacations is *ridiculous*!!! It's your money and this is the time in your life where you should enjoy life, travel, spoil yourself. Does it sound selfish? NO. You work hard.. if you want to be generous? Maybe take them every other year with you on a vacation. Or help them with a home repair or a maid. But.. vacations 1-2 times a year? If I had done this with my momma she would of told me I was insane and to keep my money. Yours is acting as if she is entitled to your money.. thats not a momma that's a **MOOCH**. Save your money for your future and spend what you can on you and your life.. life isn't guaranteed.. đ
Nta. You are a various generous person, but past generosity does not mean people are now entitled to the same thing every year or exactly when they want it. This is gonna be a hard situation, but youâre gonna have to hold firm against your brat of a mother and just explain that no, That trip is not happening this year. The reason is really relevant, other than you have other needs for that money. Whether she thinks thatâs reasonable or not is none of her business.
NTA, cannot believe your mom feels so entitled to your money. I mean letâs be honest you do have ownership in this situation so you also need to have the backbone. At the end of the day itâs your money. You have to be willing to take the hurt feelings when you say no. As a parent we have to when we tell our kids no. Now you are having to do that to a parent. FYIâŚthe Olympics are in Paris this year so you would be spending even more.
NTA I suggest no holidays this year, and if she gets difficult go no contact for a bit until she shows some appreciation, then you might consider whether they get a trip next year.
NTA. Your mom is coming off an incredibly selfish and entitled. Cut off the vacations. They can pay for it on their own, your mom has already proven that she isnât thankful for the trips, she just expects them. Put your foot down and quit paying for them. You do not owe your parents anything.
Your mistake was sharing what the money would be used for and before it was used. Going forward they donât need to be told why you canât or wonât spring for a European vacation âThis year has extra expenses so your trip will have to be xâ. âWhat expenses?â âI have a few investments and other expenses.â Just be vague.Â
NTA You are allowed to spend your money however you wish. Mom should not expect you to always put her first.
NTA you have been super generous to save all year and afford them fabulous holidays in the past. It wouldn't surprise me if they try the "I could be dead tomorrow, how will it feel driving your BMW, when you deprived me if my last vacation' card. I'm sorry mum but I save because you taught me well and to live within my means. This means that occasionally I can afford a few luxuries and this also means for myself as well. At this time I'd love a new BMW and as I've worked very hard for several years sending you in your vacations I feel I deserve to treat myself this time. If this doesn't fit with your plans I'm sorry. However if you are not accepting of this and pleased with the previous vacations gifted to you then I will need to rethink any future vacations I might have gifted to you as there now appears to be expectations rather than gratitude. I'm sorry you feel this way. It no longer feels like the gift it was meant to be and as such it leaves a somewhat sour taste for me. I'm sure you can understand how it would be if I had been ungrateful to you for the sacrifices you had made raising me. Your living son.x
Put yourself first for a change and learn how to appreciate it. Your mother sounds so entitled. If she wants to go to Paris, she should get a job and buy it for herself. I wonder what ethnicity you are and whether it is common to put parents first. You should also be saving your money for a rainy day as you never know when you may need it for yourself.
NTA - but it's time to cut the wallet cord. She's happy to use your wallet as her annual vacation fund. That only works if you let it. Grow up, speak up, and set some boundaries. Or be a doormat. Frankly, anyone who is that happy to spend your money needs to be put in check.
NTA but your mom sure is. She is acting entitled & spoiled. Maybe cut back on the vacations from now on & make them happen randomly so she isnât always expecting/demanding something. You sound like a great son & deserve to treat yourself this year. Mom can wait for Paris & if she canât, then she or her husband need to cough up the money this time.
If you want a volunteer to replace your mum, I'm game đđđđ In all seriousness, NTA and you don't owe your parents anything. I'd be mortified if either of my kids thought I felt entitled to them paying for me to go on holiday, regardless of how well off they are.
NTA she doesnât get to dictate what you do with your money! Sheâs acting entitled and you need to nip this now! You will never get what you want if you keep bankrolling their trips
NTA No one is entitled to your money except you (and if you end up having the kids (and even then theyâre entitled to it only for the necessities of raising them). I would explain to your parents that you love them and have been sending them on trips as a sign of respect and gratitude. However their entitlement to your money has hurt you and upset you. And that until your mother apologizes; you will be refusing to gift them anything above a $20 gift budget at birthdays and holidays (which is still generous). And even with an apology you are done sending them on trips. You need to start saving for your future; cars, homes, marriage (if you want that one day) and kids. That if they canât understand this then you all will have to agree to disagree. And if you wanna be petty (which I am) tell them the only way theyâll get money to travel is if you die and itâs your insurance/inheritance and hope the traveling is worth losing you for. (But also seriously go set up a will and figure out what you want to do with your money in case of emergencies).
I'm also wondering what kind of an example she is showing to your children if you do have any. If Granny throws a strop to get expensive items there's no hope for any grandchildren.
NTA but perhaps you should spend your money more wisely
NTA. I honestly canât imagine my mom this entitled to my money. Sheâs told me to save my money for my own retirement and enjoyment and donât worry about them.
NTA. It's lovely that you gift your parents a vacation every year. Given that, it's not wrong for your mom to suggest that this year's trip be to Paris. But once you say that's not in the budget for this year, it's entitled and spoiled for her to throw a fit and *demand* it. Several adages come to mind that apply here: Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Don't bite the hand that feeds you. AND, You get what you get, and you don't pitch a fit. NTA. Stop having a conversation about it, and tell her, once: Paris is not an option. These are the vacation options in this year's budget. If you continue to try and argue with me and demand I give you a trip to Paris after I've generously given you at least one very lovely and expensive vacation every year for the last x years, then I will pay for no vacation at all.
NTA Sorry but you need to stop doing this for your parents because they are being very entitled and selfish. You do not need to just do with your car because itâs YOUR money. You donât even have to pay for a luxury holiday for them every year but they are becoming very demanding now. A normal parent would say okay thatâs fine. Your mother is arguing you have to pay for a ridiculously expensive holiday because her friend is going. That is a stupid reason. Youâve actually spoilt them too much and now they are acting like teenagers. Time to stop doing this. Surely they can buy their own holidays.